The Yankee Hater's Dynasty

Elendil · 01-17-2005, 02:09 PM

By popular demand...

On February 4, 2005, the story broke. Seven days prior, the entire active roster of the New York Yankees had participated in a Satanic mass, where they drank copious amounts of goats' blood and copulated with each other in the most nauseating and abominable ways imaginable. "SATAN HELP US!" screamed the front page of the Post, next to a photo of the Bronx Bombers' candlelit faces uplifted in massed, blasphemous chant. The story became the number one national news story that day, and the airwaves burned with recriminations and expressions of horror.

Appalled by the outcry, George Steinbrenner held a press conference the next day. "I want to make clear that the actions of these players do not represent the values of this great baseball organization, the New York Yankees, and we will pursue any available avenues of appropriate sanctions for these players' behavior," Steinbrenner began.

"Isn't it true that you have no 'avenues of appropriate sanctions' here?" a reporter interrupted. "These players were doing these activities on their own time, not as representatives of the Yankees. Neither MLB nor the Yankees has any ground to punish them."

"We will look into it, that's all I can say for now," George responded.

"Isn't it true that you didn't even vote for Kerry?" another blurted out angrily.

"Hell no, but what difference does that make?" retorted the Yankees' mercurial owner.

That caused pandemonium to break out. A team of Satanists owned by a non-Democrat? New Yorkers could possibly stomach the former, but certainly not the latter. It was all over for the New York Yankees. Season ticket holders started calling to cancel. Advertisers pulled out of the YES network; other networks, radio and TV, dropped Yankees' games. Seeing the handwriting on the wall, Brian Cashman and Joe Torre tabled their letters of resignation. Steinbrenner decided that it was just as well; he could manage the team better than any hired gun. For the first time in decades, a baseball team's owner was now also the general manager and manager.

Steinbrenner quickly realized that the entire New York market had changed loyalties to the Mets, except for Satan-worshipping Republicans. But there was only one of those in New York, and rich as he was, Donald Trump couldn't support the whole team on his own. The Yanks would have to use every promotional tool at their disposal to draw in Republican Satanists from around the country. With this PR approach, and secure in the knowledge that he already had signed a group of good ballplayers, Steinbrenner set about repairing the Yankees' reputation and playing for another championship. "I'll show them all!" he shouted, exulting in the challenge on one of the YES Network's long, rambling, incoherent call-in shows, all of them now hosted by George himself.

[NOTE: I'm waiting for Halofan's new rosters before I start the 2005 season, but this is a teaser for what's to come.

]

The Funk · 01-17-2005, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elendil

Steinbrenner quickly realized that the entire New York market had changed loyalties to the Mets, except for Satan-worshipping Republicans. But there was only one of those in New York, and rich as he was, Donald Trump couldn't support the whole team on his own.

Genius! Looking forward to this, great start!

And1pg2 · 01-17-2005, 03:39 PM

WoW I can't wait this is going to be a good one.

Elendil · 01-22-2005, 12:29 PM

GEORGE'S JOURNAL - February 9, 2005

Today I looked over our finances. Boy, are we in trouble. We've got a record-breaking payroll of $198 million, and our national TV deal is gone. I can expect to rake in only about $1 million from YES this year. Last year I barely broke even with a payroll of $170 million; this year is going to be a bloodbath.

Well, I've gotta make a decision. Do I waive these guys (Jeter and Rodriguez are making $20 million each this year! Good God!) or keep 'em and make one last dash for the championship, no matter what it costs me? If we go for it, I need to come up with a way to bring fans to the games. Maybe some edgy promotions...

Elendil · 01-22-2005, 01:12 PM

Lacking cash, Steinbrenner had to make some trades in order to get cash for his promotions ideas. His first choice to ship out was 2B Tony Womack (71/6/46), but no team would take him, so he threw in a juicy little outfield prospect, Estee Harris (T: 63/58/51, horrible fielder), and a 28-year-old 3B, Brian Myrow (50/26/80, above-average fielder). He finally got a taker in Colorado, who sent over C Todd Greene (55/71/17), minor league SP Aaron Marsden (T: 50/31/57), 1B prospect Chris Fallon (T: 50/30/70), and $3 million in cold, hard cash. George didn't give a fig for Greene, but lusted after the cash. He still didn't have quite enough cash to run every promotion he wanted to for the whole year, but he decided to wait on further trades until the season had gotten well underway.

And so on Opening Day, April 4th, as the Yankees faced off against the Blue Jays at home, their active roster looked like this:

SP #1: Javier Vazquez
SP #2: Kevin Brown
SP #3: Carl Pavano
SP #4: Mike Mussina
SP #5: Jaret Wright
Relievers: Tom Gordon, Alex Graman, Jim Mann, Scott Proctor, Paul Quantrill, Felix Rodriguez
Closer: Mariano Rivera

Lineup vs RHP:
Derek Jeter - SS
Bernie Williams - CF
Alex Rodriguez - 3B
Jason Giambi - 1B
Gary Sheffield - DH
Hideki Matsui - LF
Jorge Posada - C
Bubba Crosby - RF
Kevin Hooper - 2B

Bench:
C - Todd Greene
C - Dioner Navarro (21-year-old 3-star prospect, 89 arm!)
2B - Homer Bush (defensive 2B, would play when Hooper had to move over to SS or 3B to rest Jeter or Rodriguez)
LF/RF - John Rodriguez (terrible fielder, 57/73/56 hitter)

Opening Day attracted about 40,000 Blue Jay fans smelling revenge and about 4,200 diehard Yankee fans, Church of Satan devotees, and assorted morbidly curious onlookers, who watched as the Jays destroyed the Yankees 8-3.

Jestor · 01-22-2005, 01:27 PM

This is already off to a truly awesome start!

Brilliant!

Elendil · 01-22-2005, 02:05 PM

(With today's blizzard, I've got little to do but work on my dynasty...)

GEORGE'S JOURNAL - April 6, 2005

The radio ads ran for two days, and we made national news again - this time on MY terms! The Official Marilyn Manson Leather Butt-less Pants promotion was all my idea, and it paid off. We got 27,500 perverts in the stadium today, and you can almost smell the little buzz going on in the City after we won our game 4-2. 27,500 is not a lot for us, the mighty New York Yankees, but it's a lot better than those nay-sayers were expecting. I can't wait to see the faces of those smug Fox execs who canceled our contract after we win the division! Ha!

Elendil · 01-22-2005, 02:45 PM

The rest of April proceeded more or less along lines that would make George's heart flutter. On April 20, the Yankees held a Deviled Egg promotion, which endeared the team a bit to the city's media, a sort of self-effacing, humorous jab at themselves. The mood turned decidedly more grim when warm weather curdled the eggs and left 30,000 fans retching in the bleachers. Twenty people injured themselves falling on vomit-slickened stairs, and George realized he would face some very damaging lawsuits. To top it off, the Yanks lost to the Orioles, 8-6.

His failure to charm the media persuaded Steinbrenner to go full-bore after that Satanic Republican market. An abridged version of The Satanic Bible was distributed at the first meeting between the Yankees and the Red Sox, but the Almighty took revenge and gave the Sox a 5-2 victory. Norwegian black metal band Darkthrone was brought in to play an unintelligible, hyperspeed version of the Star-Spangled Banner before the third of a dull four-game set against the Mariners, but the leathered, chained, and spiked fans just chanted to bring Darkthrone back out as the Bombers went down feebly to the M's, 7-3.

Despite all their bad luck on promotion days, however, the Yankees had a respectable 14-10 record at the end of April and sat one game ahead of Tampa Bay. (Yes, that Tampa Bay.) Posada was third in the league in batting average and OPS, while A-Rod was first in homers and third in RBI (too bad he was hitting just *cough* .156). Another big underperformer for the Yanks was Javier Vazquez, who was widely thought to be pouting after the trade rumors in the offseason. He was 2-3 with an 8.27 ERA and was demoted from #1 starter to #5. Average attendance was 30,600, and a total income of roughly $40 million was projected for the year, if fan interest held up. "Not bad - I'm beating what that bastard Selig did in Milwaukee anyway," Steinbrenner was overheard.

DTF955 · 01-22-2005, 05:31 PM

Neat. Hmmm, total income of $40 million, meaning they could lose $160 million Wow! Bet them trade some guys in a big hurry - if there are any takers.

metsgeek · 01-22-2005, 08:15 PM

I am so going to enjoy this

Quote:

Steinbrenner quickly realized that the entire New York market had changed loyalties to the Mets, except for Satan-worshipping Republicans....

Seriously....are there any other types?

Elendil · 01-23-2005, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DTF955

Neat. Hmmm, total income of $40 million, meaning they could lose $160 million Wow! Bet them trade some guys in a big hurry - if there are any takers.

Steinbrenner's going to lose a bunch of money, no doubt. OOTP has a cash floor - I don't believe you can go below -$20 mil cash or something like that. Maybe I can rationalize this in terms of George's drawing down savings, selling out in the stock market, or something.

Elendil · 01-23-2005, 03:29 PM

Steinbrenner had to get serious about cutting salary. Some players on the roster were not pulling their weight. Tom Gordon, the seventh reliever, had an ERA of 8.00 in 18 IP. Todd Greene was also pointless; there was no reason the team had to carry three catchers. George shopped both Gordon and Greene around, separately and together, but could not persuade anyone that they had anything left in the tank. There were no takers. The only choice was to put them on waivers and hope someone picked them up. As it happened, Milwaukee picked up Gordon, whose salary was in the $3 million+ range; everyone passed on Greene, even though his salary was just $750,000. "Those bastards conspired against me," groused George. "I would've taken even a minor league scrub from the Brewers for Gordon, but they slammed the door in my face! Now they take him when I'm giving him away." Greene, meanwhile, cleared waivers and was demoted to Columbus.

The two players brought up were veteran Tyler Houston, who could back up Giambi at first and A-Rod at third, and 26-year-old Mike Vento (T: 53/58/33), who could field well in both left and center. Meanwhile, George gave Bucky Dent orders to train every AAA player in as many different positions as possible. Several of them could be playing in the Big Show before long.

Elendil · 01-23-2005, 10:10 PM

GEORGE'S JOURNAL - July 14, 2005

I feel great! I am truly rebuilding my empire from the ashes. It helps that our division is pathetic, but our 53-34 record is nothing to sniff at. At the All-Star break, the Sox are 11 1/2 games behind; there's no way they'll catch us. More and more people are starting to come to our games; fan interest is rising, and the fan base we do have is extremely loyal. I think we may even crack $45 million this year!

That payroll thing isn't going too well, though. Now I have made some brilliant moves; that I can't deny. Sending Felix Rodriguez and Paul Quantrill to the Cubs for 3.5-star OF prospect Nic Jackson was a stroke of genius. That got rid of $6 million in salary, and Colter Bean (61/76/61) and Sun-woo Kim (67/67/63), whom I got off waivers, replaced them on the active roster and are making the league minimum. Then I pawned off Mike Stanton on Baltimore through waivers, and Steve Karsay on the Giants the same way. That's $9 million in salary right there! But that's just a Hideki Matsui's worth. It doesn't make a dent in the total payroll. I really have to move my whole rotation, as well as A-Rod and Jeter, to get a payroll resembling anything close to sanity. But we have a real shot at another championship! Probably our last for many years. Is another championship worth selling my house in the Hamptons? Maybe I can hit up Trump for a loan...

Elendil · 01-24-2005, 06:49 PM

STEINBRENNER LOSES PAYROLL, MARBLES

JERRY PRICE, NEW YORK TIMES

July 30, 2005

Years from now, they'll probably refer to yesterday as the "Night of the Long Knives." That other New York team, the much-ballyhooed Yankees, made some moves that will change the future course of their organization - and not for the better.

As much as we've all tried to ignore their antics over the last several months - the Deviled Egg vomit-fest, Derek Jeter's taking of a gay lover and moving into a ratty apartment in the East Village - the fact is that the Yankees have been winning, performing surprisingly well for eccentric owner-manager George Steinbrenner. Their winning ways probably explain why Steinbrenner waited so long to cut these deals, even as he stands to lose nearly $100 million this year.

The bloodbath started with placing 40-year-old starter Kevin Brown on waivers yesterday afternoon. His 4.68 ERA indicated some decline in his ability, but was it really necessary to give him away? So far no team has decided to pick him up. [Note to reader: Brown was picked up by the Reds and then released eight days later.]

Then the worst two pitchers in the rotation, Carl Pavano (5.90 ERA) and Javier Vazquez (4.95 ERA), were dealt to the Mariners, who are battling for the AL West lead. The Mariners sent the Yankees minor league pitcher Craig Anderson (5-star prospect), minor league third baseman Matt Tuiasosopo (5-star prospect), minor league second baseman Brandon Green (2.5-star prospect), and $5 million in cash. George's team is winning, and he wants to rebuild?

While Billy Beane was in the hospital with Spanish influenza, Steinbrenner called up his free-spending understudy and arranged a trade that sent Mike Mussina (4.38 ERA), Gary Sheffield (.848 OPS), Hideki Matsui (.804 OPS), Homer Bush (.566 OPS), and Eduardo Perez to Oakland for 23-year-old starter Rich Harden (5.22 ERA, 4-star prospect), minor league reliever Hutson Street (5-star prospect), outfielder Nick Swisher (3.5-star prospect), 25-year-old shortstop Nick Rouse (4-star prospect), 3-star 3B prospect Wes Long, and $2 million in cash. Beane is going to be furious! Steinbrenner apparently thinks Harden, Swisher, and Rouse can cut it in the majors, and he's called them up. Prospects Sean Henn (5-star, starter), Chien-Ming Wang (4.5-star, reliever), and Nic Jackson (3.5-star, RF) have also been rushed up to the majors.

These deals have certainly cut payroll. If Brown is picked up, the Yankees payroll will be only $106 million on an annual basis, less than the team has already spent this year! But they've changed the whole face of the organization. Steinbrenner could have made trades for at least a few cheaper guys with major league experience. Instead, he seems to have destroyed his team's chances of winning in the playoffs, even if they manage to maintain their currently wide divisional lead over the Red Sox.

The Night of the Long Knives is just another sad episode in this once great team's denouement. The only positive we can take from it is that at least some of those players who participated in those despicable acts during the offseason are gone. Once they've all left, I can perhaps be a Yankees fan once again, but by that time, this franchise will be a losing concern.

Elendil · 01-24-2005, 10:03 PM

Overall pitching:

Code:

Name		G	GS	W	L	SV	ERA	IP	HA	R	ER	BB	K
J. Wright	34	34	13	12	0	3.24	197.0	201	94	71	65	139
R. Harden	34	34	10	16	0	5.87	181.0	221	123	118	94	129
S. Henn		13	13	8	3	0	3.46	80.2	72	32	31	28	55
A. Graman	38	12	7	4	0	4.33	126.2	121	61	61	61	89
J. Mann		72	0	6	1	0	4.96	90.2	95	53	50	25	81
S. Kim		42	0	5	4	0	3.67	68.2	71	34	28	22	45
M. Rivera	69	0	4	4	38	2.36	84.0	75	24	22	19	69
C. Wang		6	6	3	2	0	6.67	27.0	36	24	20	11	10
S. Proctor	47	0	1	1	3	4.62	62.1	71	34	32	21	41
C. Bean		39	0	1	1	1	2.17	49.2	46	14	12	26	25
J. Hampson	8	1	0	2	0	8.36	14.0	20	13	13	6	12
L. Dawson	3	0	0	0	0	5.40	5.0	6	3	3	0	2
J. Morillo	10	0	0	2	0	7.88	24.0	35	25	21	12	16
J. Anderson	9	3	0	3	1	5.88	26.0	37	21	17	16	19

Overall batting:

Code:

Name			G	AB	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	R	BB	K	AVG	OBP	SLG
B. Williams (CF)	149	593	187	56	8	20	96	108	69	76	.315	.386	.538
A. Phillips (DH)	105	340	101	18	0	11	59	32	27	76	.297	.347	.447
R. Harden (P)		3	7	2	0	0	1	2	1	0	3	.286	.286	.714
B. Crosby (RF-LF-CF)	129	414	117	26	4	9	62	54	36	77	.283	.344	.430
K. Hooper (2B-SS-3B)	139	453	128	22	4	5	43	61	33	58	.283	.341	.382
D. Jeter (SS)		156	609	172	25	3	15	64	100	50	85	.282	.346	.407
A. Rodriguez (3B)	155	592	167	23	6	54	138	119	65	173	.282	.356	.615
J. Posada (C)		127	454	122	34	2	17	71	68	54	130	.269	.350	.465
J. Rodriguez (RF-LF)	68	131	34	8	0	12	28	27	11	37	.260	.317	.595
N. Jackson (LF-RF-CF)	73	157	40	8	3	0	14	19	7	35	.255	.287	.344
N. Swisher (RF-CF)	55	146	37	5	1	1	8	13	8	32	.253	.301	.322
J. Giambi (1B)		156	520	131	25	3	34	91	109	113	183	.252	.393	.508
L. Ugueto (3B-2B-SS)	103	268	66	17	2	2	15	34	7	51	.246	.265	.347
D. Navarro (C)		48	154	36	7	0	4	23	19	11	23	.234	.287	.357
M. Vento (CF-LF)	19	33	7	0	0	0	2	7	2	7	.212	.257	.212
T. Greene (1B-C)	30	63	11	5	0	1	4	5	4	18	.175	.224	.302
T. Houston (3B-1B)	10	10	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	2	.100	.100	.100
M. Rouse (SS-3B-2B)	17	37	3	0	0	0	1	1	0	17	.081	.081	.081
S. Kim (P)		18	3	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	.000	.000	.000
J. Wright (P)		2	5	0	0	0	0	1	2	1	1	.000	.167	.000
J. Hampson (P)		1	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	.000	.000	.000
A. Graman (P)		4	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	.000	.000	.000

Standings:

Code:

American League Standings

East

Team		W	L	PCT	GB	Home	Away	XInn	1Run
New York (A)	91	71	.562	-	48-33	43-38	6-5	18-16
Boston		79	83	.488	12.0	43-38	36-45	6-6	14-27
Toronto		78	84	.481	13.0	40-41	38-43	3-8	21-21
Tampa Bay	74	88	.457	17.0	39-42	35-46	0-7	27-22
Baltimore	73	89	.451	18.0	37-44	36-45	3-3	24-22

Central

Team		W	L	PCT	GB	Home	Away	XInn	1Run
Kansas City	89	73	.549	-	45-36	44-37	9-6	26-22
Cleveland	83	79	.512	6.0	41-40	42-39	8-6	25-26
Detroit		80	82	.494	9.0	39-42	41-40	5-4	23-23
Minnesota	76	86	.469	13.0	34-47	42-39	12-4	19-21
Chicago (A)	73	89	.451	16.0	40-41	33-48	10-4	21-25

West

Team		W	L	PCT	GB	Home	Away	XInn	1Run
Anaheim		94	68	.580	-	49-32	45-36	10-6	25-21
Oakland		91	71	.562	3.0	42-39	49-32	9-4	24-14
Texas		90	72	.556	4.0	43-38	47-34	5-9	24-20
Seattle		85	77	.525	9.0	43-38	42-39	6-7	19-18

Code:

National League Standings

East

Team		W	L	PCT	GB	Home	Away	XInn	1Run
Atlanta		90	72	.556	-	43-38	47-34	10-4	27-22
Washington	86	76	.531	4.0	44-37	42-39	3-11	27-22
New York (N)	82	80	.506	8.0	44-37	38-43	6-5	21-29
Philadelphia	77	85	.475	13.0	40-41	37-44	7-4	30-23
Florida		71	91	.438	19.0	39-42	32-49	2-8	16-26

Central

Team		W	L	PCT	GB	Home	Away	XInn	1Run
Chicago (N)	94	68	.580	-	47-34	47-34	6-13	27-30
St. Louis	84	78	.519	10.0	40-41	44-37	9-8	24-22
Houston		79	83	.488	15.0	41-40	38-43	8-5	20-20
Cincinnati	76	86	.469	18.0	39-42	37-44	9-7	19-20
Pittsburgh	69	93	.426	25.0	36-45	33-48	6-9	22-24
Milwaukee	68	94	.420	26.0	31-50	37-44	10-11	20-30

West

Team		W	L	PCT	GB	Home	Away	XInn	1Run
San Diego	90	72	.556	-	48-33	42-39	8-8	28-20
Los Angeles	81	81	.500	9.0	46-35	35-46	7-7	20-23
San Francisco	79	83	.488	11.0	40-41	39-42	6-9	26-28
Arizona		77	85	.475	13.0	37-44	40-41	7-0	22-17
Colorado	71	91	.438	19.0	33-48	38-43	4-12	17-22

Elendil · 01-25-2005, 01:24 PM

Playoffs Preview

The Yankees' team of youngsters held on through the final two months to make it into the playoffs. Their first opponent would be the wildcard Oakland A's, whose team was almost more recognizable to Yankees' fans than the Yankees' own team. New York would be led by Alex Rodriguez, likely league MVP, who hit .282 with 54 HR (leads league) and 138 RBI (leads league). Jeter's lifestyle changes, meanwhile, had not served him well. He hit .282 with just 15 HR, 64 RBI, and 100 runs scored. On the bright side, his fielding had really improved. The Yanks were second in the majors in runs scored, and just 17th in runs allowed.

A-Rod Feels the Burden of the Whole Team

The Oakland A's were first in the majors in runs scored and 15th in runs allowed. Eric Chavez had an amazing comeback year, hitting .311 with 42 HR with 129 RBI. Youngster Ryan Ludwick hit 30 big flies in just 408 AB. Erubiel Durazo went on a tear this year, hitting .322 and driving in 128. The acquisition of Gary Sheffield also gave them some extra potency in the lineup. The marquis starter for the A's was of course Barry Zito, who went 19-9 with a 3.00 ERA and probably would win the Cy Young Award. In the playoffs, he'd face off against the Yankees' Jaret Wright, who went 13-12 with a 3.24 ERA and was the Yankees' only experienced starting pitcher. The A's would follow with Mike Mussina, and the Yankees hadn't yet decided who would start their other games.

Elendil · 01-25-2005, 05:23 PM

Game One

The first game of this ALDS turned out to be a pitcher's duel, a scoreless game into the seventh inning. SS Bobby Crosby changed all that by jacking a two-run shot, chasing Jaret Wright and bringing in Colter Bean.

Bobby Crosby, the hero that almost was

The Yankees answered in the bottom frame, with a leadoff walk for Rodriguez and a rapid succession of singles that chased Zito and put the home team up 3-2. Bean pitched the 8th and Rivera finished the 9th, but not without a runners-on-the-corners-two-outs scare. Player of the game: Jaret Wright (despite not getting the win). Yankees lead the series, 1-0.

Elendil · 01-25-2005, 05:36 PM

For game 2, the Yankees brought rookie hurler Sean Henn (8-3, 3.46) to the mound, while the A's countered with Mike Mussina (18-11, 4.73).

Both pitchers gave their teams quality starts, and the game was knotted at 2 when the Yankees brought in long reliever Sun-woo Kim (5-4, 3.67) to start the seventh. Kim was third on the relief corps in ERA (behind Bean and Rivera), but was still mostly unproven. He made it through the seventh inning, however, and in the bottom frame the Yankees capitalized on a perfectly executed hit-and-run double by leadoff hitter Kevin Hooper that plated Nick Swisher, who'd drawn a leadoff walk. Bernie Williams drove in the nail with a two-run blast immediately afterward.

Kim allowed a solo homer to Eric Byrnes in the eighth, but the Yankees added four more in the bottom of the inning. Mopup reliever Chien Ming-Wang (3-2, 6.67) finished a scoreless ninth. Yankees win, 9-3 and lead series 2-0. Player of the game: Jason Giambi.

Giambi's quote after the game: "When I was taking steroids, my nuts hurt and my swing suffered. Now, I'm steroid-free, and my nuts feel great! So kids, don't take steroids. Do drink goats' blood."

Elendil · 01-25-2005, 05:59 PM

27-year-old rookie southpaw Alex Graman (7-4, 4.33) took the mound for the Spank-mes in the first elimination game. He faced off against another 27-year-old southpaw rookie with a very similar ERA, Mario Ramos (13-12, 4.43).

The Yankees jumped out to a huge lead early. It was 6-0 after an inning and a half. The A's were not benefitting from any homefield advantage, and their mighty bats remained inexplicably silent. Reliever Matt DeWitt, also a rookie, came in and did a creditable job, pitching four innings and allowing one run, but the score was still 7-2 when Colter Bean came in to pitch two setup innings.

Or so George thought. Bean allowed two walks, two singles, and an error, and with one out there were runners on second and third and the score was 7-4. George would have to dig deeper into that shaky New York bullpen.

In came Sun-woo Kim, a groundball pitcher. With Eric Chavez at the plate, George made the risky decision to leave the infield and outfield at normal depth and play for a two-run lead. A grounder from Chavez scored the runner at third. 7-5, two outs, Scott Hatteberg at the plate. Kim couldn't pitch around Hatteberg, because Hideki Matsui was next. The A's had brought a succession of lefties to the plate, but the Yankees had no lefty relievers on their playoff roster. A critical mistake? Not this time, for Hatteberg grounded out to short.

Kim returned in the bottom of the eighth after the Yankees failed to score. Crosby and Scutaro hit back-to-back singles after one out, and George decided to bring in Rivera now for a long save. Jason Kendall grounded into a force-out: first and second, two out, Gary Sheffield at the plate facing his former teammate. Rivera lost this duel. Sheffield got his fourth hit of the game, a single that dropped in front of left fielder Bubba Crosby and rolled between his legs. 7-6, two outs, second and third, Eric Byrnes up. Byrnes grounds out on a close play to second. George breathes a quiet sigh.

The Yankees did not score in the ninth, but it didn't matter, because Rivera set the A's down 1-2-3. Game, series, sweep. Player of the Game: Bernie Williams (4-5, 3 RBI).

Will Bernie finally see a championship? Oh, wait...right. Never mind.

DAL 9000 · 01-25-2005, 06:00 PM

Comedy gold.

I never thought I'd see the words "Yankee," "leadoff hitter," and "Kevin Hooper" in the same sentence, but damn me if you didn't do it. I salute you.

01-22-2005, 02:05 PM	#7
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	(With today's blizzard, I've got little to do but work on my dynasty...) GEORGE'S JOURNAL - April 6, 2005 The radio ads ran for two days, and we made national news again - this time on MY terms! The Official Marilyn Manson Leather Butt-less Pants promotion was all my idea, and it paid off. We got 27,500 perverts in the stadium today, and you can almost smell the little buzz going on in the City after we won our game 4-2. 27,500 is not a lot for us, the mighty New York Yankees, but it's a lot better than those nay-sayers were expecting. I can't wait to see the faces of those smug Fox execs who canceled our contract after we win the division! Ha! __________________ Heaven is kicking back with a double Talisker and a churchwarden stuffed with latakia.

01-25-2005, 05:36 PM	#18
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	Game Two For game 2, the Yankees brought rookie hurler Sean Henn (8-3, 3.46) to the mound, while the A's countered with Mike Mussina (18-11, 4.73). Both pitchers gave their teams quality starts, and the game was knotted at 2 when the Yankees brought in long reliever Sun-woo Kim (5-4, 3.67) to start the seventh. Kim was third on the relief corps in ERA (behind Bean and Rivera), but was still mostly unproven. He made it through the seventh inning, however, and in the bottom frame the Yankees capitalized on a perfectly executed hit-and-run double by leadoff hitter Kevin Hooper that plated Nick Swisher, who'd drawn a leadoff walk. Bernie Williams drove in the nail with a two-run blast immediately afterward. Kim allowed a solo homer to Eric Byrnes in the eighth, but the Yankees added four more in the bottom of the inning. Mopup reliever Chien Ming-Wang (3-2, 6.67) finished a scoreless ninth. Yankees win, 9-3 and lead series 2-0. Player of the game: Jason Giambi. Giambi's quote after the game: "When I was taking steroids, my nuts hurt and my swing suffered. Now, I'm steroid-free, and my nuts feel great! So kids, don't take steroids. Do drink goats' blood."

01-25-2005, 05:59 PM	#19
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	Game Three 27-year-old rookie southpaw Alex Graman (7-4, 4.33) took the mound for the Spank-mes in the first elimination game. He faced off against another 27-year-old southpaw rookie with a very similar ERA, Mario Ramos (13-12, 4.43). The Yankees jumped out to a huge lead early. It was 6-0 after an inning and a half. The A's were not benefitting from any homefield advantage, and their mighty bats remained inexplicably silent. Reliever Matt DeWitt, also a rookie, came in and did a creditable job, pitching four innings and allowing one run, but the score was still 7-2 when Colter Bean came in to pitch two setup innings. Or so George thought. Bean allowed two walks, two singles, and an error, and with one out there were runners on second and third and the score was 7-4. George would have to dig deeper into that shaky New York bullpen. In came Sun-woo Kim, a groundball pitcher. With Eric Chavez at the plate, George made the risky decision to leave the infield and outfield at normal depth and play for a two-run lead. A grounder from Chavez scored the runner at third. 7-5, two outs, Scott Hatteberg at the plate. Kim couldn't pitch around Hatteberg, because Hideki Matsui was next. The A's had brought a succession of lefties to the plate, but the Yankees had no lefty relievers on their playoff roster. A critical mistake? Not this time, for Hatteberg grounded out to short. Kim returned in the bottom of the eighth after the Yankees failed to score. Crosby and Scutaro hit back-to-back singles after one out, and George decided to bring in Rivera now for a long save. Jason Kendall grounded into a force-out: first and second, two out, Gary Sheffield at the plate facing his former teammate. Rivera lost this duel. Sheffield got his fourth hit of the game, a single that dropped in front of left fielder Bubba Crosby and rolled between his legs. 7-6, two outs, second and third, Eric Byrnes up. Byrnes grounds out on a close play to second. George breathes a quiet sigh. The Yankees did not score in the ninth, but it didn't matter, because Rivera set the A's down 1-2-3. Game, series, sweep. Player of the Game: Bernie Williams (4-5, 3 RBI). Will Bernie finally see a championship? Oh, wait...right. Never mind.

01-17-2005, 02:09 PM	#1
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	The Yankee Hater's Dynasty By popular demand... On February 4, 2005, the story broke. Seven days prior, the entire active roster of the New York Yankees had participated in a Satanic mass, where they drank copious amounts of goats' blood and copulated with each other in the most nauseating and abominable ways imaginable. "SATAN HELP US!" screamed the front page of the Post, next to a photo of the Bronx Bombers' candlelit faces uplifted in massed, blasphemous chant. The story became the number one national news story that day, and the airwaves burned with recriminations and expressions of horror. Appalled by the outcry, George Steinbrenner held a press conference the next day. "I want to make clear that the actions of these players do not represent the values of this great baseball organization, the New York Yankees, and we will pursue any available avenues of appropriate sanctions for these players' behavior," Steinbrenner began. "Isn't it true that you have no 'avenues of appropriate sanctions' here?" a reporter interrupted. "These players were doing these activities on their own time, not as representatives of the Yankees. Neither MLB nor the Yankees has any ground to punish them." "We will look into it, that's all I can say for now," George responded. "Isn't it true that you didn't even vote for Kerry?" another blurted out angrily. "Hell no, but what difference does that make?" retorted the Yankees' mercurial owner. That caused pandemonium to break out. A team of Satanists owned by a non-Democrat? New Yorkers could possibly stomach the former, but certainly not the latter. It was all over for the New York Yankees. Season ticket holders started calling to cancel. Advertisers pulled out of the YES network; other networks, radio and TV, dropped Yankees' games. Seeing the handwriting on the wall, Brian Cashman and Joe Torre tabled their letters of resignation. Steinbrenner decided that it was just as well; he could manage the team better than any hired gun. For the first time in decades, a baseball team's owner was now also the general manager and manager. Steinbrenner quickly realized that the entire New York market had changed loyalties to the Mets, except for Satan-worshipping Republicans. But there was only one of those in New York, and rich as he was, Donald Trump couldn't support the whole team on his own. The Yanks would have to use every promotional tool at their disposal to draw in Republican Satanists from around the country. With this PR approach, and secure in the knowledge that he already had signed a group of good ballplayers, Steinbrenner set about repairing the Yankees' reputation and playing for another championship. "I'll show them all!" he shouted, exulting in the challenge on one of the YES Network's long, rambling, incoherent call-in shows, all of them now hosted by George himself. [NOTE: I'm waiting for Halofan's new rosters before I start the 2005 season, but this is a teaser for what's to come. ]

01-17-2005, 03:39 PM	#3
And1pg2 All Star Reserve Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 979	WoW I can't wait this is going to be a good one.

01-22-2005, 12:29 PM	#4
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	GEORGE'S JOURNAL - February 9, 2005 Today I looked over our finances. Boy, are we in trouble. We've got a record-breaking payroll of $198 million, and our national TV deal is gone. I can expect to rake in only about $1 million from YES this year. Last year I barely broke even with a payroll of $170 million; this year is going to be a bloodbath. Well, I've gotta make a decision. Do I waive these guys (Jeter and Rodriguez are making $20 million each this year! Good God!) or keep 'em and make one last dash for the championship, no matter what it costs me? If we go for it, I need to come up with a way to bring fans to the games. Maybe some edgy promotions...

01-22-2005, 01:12 PM	#5
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	Lacking cash, Steinbrenner had to make some trades in order to get cash for his promotions ideas. His first choice to ship out was 2B Tony Womack (71/6/46), but no team would take him, so he threw in a juicy little outfield prospect, Estee Harris (T: 63/58/51, horrible fielder), and a 28-year-old 3B, Brian Myrow (50/26/80, above-average fielder). He finally got a taker in Colorado, who sent over C Todd Greene (55/71/17), minor league SP Aaron Marsden (T: 50/31/57), 1B prospect Chris Fallon (T: 50/30/70), and $3 million in cold, hard cash. George didn't give a fig for Greene, but lusted after the cash. He still didn't have quite enough cash to run every promotion he wanted to for the whole year, but he decided to wait on further trades until the season had gotten well underway. And so on Opening Day, April 4th, as the Yankees faced off against the Blue Jays at home, their active roster looked like this: SP #1: Javier Vazquez SP #2: Kevin Brown SP #3: Carl Pavano SP #4: Mike Mussina SP #5: Jaret Wright Relievers: Tom Gordon, Alex Graman, Jim Mann, Scott Proctor, Paul Quantrill, Felix Rodriguez Closer: Mariano Rivera Lineup vs RHP: Derek Jeter - SS Bernie Williams - CF Alex Rodriguez - 3B Jason Giambi - 1B Gary Sheffield - DH Hideki Matsui - LF Jorge Posada - C Bubba Crosby - RF Kevin Hooper - 2B Bench: C - Todd Greene C - Dioner Navarro (21-year-old 3-star prospect, 89 arm!) 2B - Homer Bush (defensive 2B, would play when Hooper had to move over to SS or 3B to rest Jeter or Rodriguez) LF/RF - John Rodriguez (terrible fielder, 57/73/56 hitter) Opening Day attracted about 40,000 Blue Jay fans smelling revenge and about 4,200 diehard Yankee fans, Church of Satan devotees, and assorted morbidly curious onlookers, who watched as the Jays destroyed the Yankees 8-3. Last edited by Elendil; 01-22-2005 at 01:14 PM.

01-22-2005, 02:45 PM	#8
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	The rest of April proceeded more or less along lines that would make George's heart flutter. On April 20, the Yankees held a Deviled Egg promotion, which endeared the team a bit to the city's media, a sort of self-effacing, humorous jab at themselves. The mood turned decidedly more grim when warm weather curdled the eggs and left 30,000 fans retching in the bleachers. Twenty people injured themselves falling on vomit-slickened stairs, and George realized he would face some very damaging lawsuits. To top it off, the Yanks lost to the Orioles, 8-6. His failure to charm the media persuaded Steinbrenner to go full-bore after that Satanic Republican market. An abridged version of The Satanic Bible was distributed at the first meeting between the Yankees and the Red Sox, but the Almighty took revenge and gave the Sox a 5-2 victory. Norwegian black metal band Darkthrone was brought in to play an unintelligible, hyperspeed version of the Star-Spangled Banner before the third of a dull four-game set against the Mariners, but the leathered, chained, and spiked fans just chanted to bring Darkthrone back out as the Bombers went down feebly to the M's, 7-3. Despite all their bad luck on promotion days, however, the Yankees had a respectable 14-10 record at the end of April and sat one game ahead of Tampa Bay. (Yes, that Tampa Bay.) Posada was third in the league in batting average and OPS, while A-Rod was first in homers and third in RBI (too bad he was hitting just cough .156). Another big underperformer for the Yanks was Javier Vazquez, who was widely thought to be pouting after the trade rumors in the offseason. He was 2-3 with an 8.27 ERA and was demoted from #1 starter to #5. Average attendance was 30,600, and a total income of roughly $40 million was projected for the year, if fan interest held up. "Not bad - I'm beating what that bastard Selig did in Milwaukee anyway," Steinbrenner was overheard.

01-22-2005, 05:31 PM	#9
DTF955 Minors (Single A) Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 80	Neat. Hmmm, total income of $40 million, meaning they could lose $160 million Wow! Bet them trade some guys in a big hurry - if there are any takers.

01-23-2005, 03:29 PM	#12
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	Steinbrenner had to get serious about cutting salary. Some players on the roster were not pulling their weight. Tom Gordon, the seventh reliever, had an ERA of 8.00 in 18 IP. Todd Greene was also pointless; there was no reason the team had to carry three catchers. George shopped both Gordon and Greene around, separately and together, but could not persuade anyone that they had anything left in the tank. There were no takers. The only choice was to put them on waivers and hope someone picked them up. As it happened, Milwaukee picked up Gordon, whose salary was in the $3 million+ range; everyone passed on Greene, even though his salary was just $750,000. "Those bastards conspired against me," groused George. "I would've taken even a minor league scrub from the Brewers for Gordon, but they slammed the door in my face! Now they take him when I'm giving him away." Greene, meanwhile, cleared waivers and was demoted to Columbus. The two players brought up were veteran Tyler Houston, who could back up Giambi at first and A-Rod at third, and 26-year-old Mike Vento (T: 53/58/33), who could field well in both left and center. Meanwhile, George gave Bucky Dent orders to train every AAA player in as many different positions as possible. Several of them could be playing in the Big Show before long.

01-23-2005, 10:10 PM	#13
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	GEORGE'S JOURNAL - July 14, 2005 I feel great! I am truly rebuilding my empire from the ashes. It helps that our division is pathetic, but our 53-34 record is nothing to sniff at. At the All-Star break, the Sox are 11 1/2 games behind; there's no way they'll catch us. More and more people are starting to come to our games; fan interest is rising, and the fan base we do have is extremely loyal. I think we may even crack $45 million this year! That payroll thing isn't going too well, though. Now I have made some brilliant moves; that I can't deny. Sending Felix Rodriguez and Paul Quantrill to the Cubs for 3.5-star OF prospect Nic Jackson was a stroke of genius. That got rid of $6 million in salary, and Colter Bean (61/76/61) and Sun-woo Kim (67/67/63), whom I got off waivers, replaced them on the active roster and are making the league minimum. Then I pawned off Mike Stanton on Baltimore through waivers, and Steve Karsay on the Giants the same way. That's $9 million in salary right there! But that's just a Hideki Matsui's worth. It doesn't make a dent in the total payroll. I really have to move my whole rotation, as well as A-Rod and Jeter, to get a payroll resembling anything close to sanity. But we have a real shot at another championship! Probably our last for many years. Is another championship worth selling my house in the Hamptons? Maybe I can hit up Trump for a loan...

01-24-2005, 06:49 PM	#14
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	STEINBRENNER LOSES PAYROLL, MARBLES JERRY PRICE, NEW YORK TIMES July 30, 2005 Years from now, they'll probably refer to yesterday as the "Night of the Long Knives." That other New York team, the much-ballyhooed Yankees, made some moves that will change the future course of their organization - and not for the better. As much as we've all tried to ignore their antics over the last several months - the Deviled Egg vomit-fest, Derek Jeter's taking of a gay lover and moving into a ratty apartment in the East Village - the fact is that the Yankees have been winning, performing surprisingly well for eccentric owner-manager George Steinbrenner. Their winning ways probably explain why Steinbrenner waited so long to cut these deals, even as he stands to lose nearly $100 million this year. The bloodbath started with placing 40-year-old starter Kevin Brown on waivers yesterday afternoon. His 4.68 ERA indicated some decline in his ability, but was it really necessary to give him away? So far no team has decided to pick him up. [Note to reader: Brown was picked up by the Reds and then released eight days later.] Then the worst two pitchers in the rotation, Carl Pavano (5.90 ERA) and Javier Vazquez (4.95 ERA), were dealt to the Mariners, who are battling for the AL West lead. The Mariners sent the Yankees minor league pitcher Craig Anderson (5-star prospect), minor league third baseman Matt Tuiasosopo (5-star prospect), minor league second baseman Brandon Green (2.5-star prospect), and $5 million in cash. George's team is winning, and he wants to rebuild? While Billy Beane was in the hospital with Spanish influenza, Steinbrenner called up his free-spending understudy and arranged a trade that sent Mike Mussina (4.38 ERA), Gary Sheffield (.848 OPS), Hideki Matsui (.804 OPS), Homer Bush (.566 OPS), and Eduardo Perez to Oakland for 23-year-old starter Rich Harden (5.22 ERA, 4-star prospect), minor league reliever Hutson Street (5-star prospect), outfielder Nick Swisher (3.5-star prospect), 25-year-old shortstop Nick Rouse (4-star prospect), 3-star 3B prospect Wes Long, and $2 million in cash. Beane is going to be furious! Steinbrenner apparently thinks Harden, Swisher, and Rouse can cut it in the majors, and he's called them up. Prospects Sean Henn (5-star, starter), Chien-Ming Wang (4.5-star, reliever), and Nic Jackson (3.5-star, RF) have also been rushed up to the majors. These deals have certainly cut payroll. If Brown is picked up, the Yankees payroll will be only $106 million on an annual basis, less than the team has already spent this year! But they've changed the whole face of the organization. Steinbrenner could have made trades for at least a few cheaper guys with major league experience. Instead, he seems to have destroyed his team's chances of winning in the playoffs, even if they manage to maintain their currently wide divisional lead over the Red Sox. The Night of the Long Knives is just another sad episode in this once great team's denouement. The only positive we can take from it is that at least some of those players who participated in those despicable acts during the offseason are gone. Once they've all left, I can perhaps be a Yankees fan once again, but by that time, this franchise will be a losing concern.

01-25-2005, 01:24 PM	#16
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	Playoffs Preview The Yankees' team of youngsters held on through the final two months to make it into the playoffs. Their first opponent would be the wildcard Oakland A's, whose team was almost more recognizable to Yankees' fans than the Yankees' own team. New York would be led by Alex Rodriguez, likely league MVP, who hit .282 with 54 HR (leads league) and 138 RBI (leads league). Jeter's lifestyle changes, meanwhile, had not served him well. He hit .282 with just 15 HR, 64 RBI, and 100 runs scored. On the bright side, his fielding had really improved. The Yanks were second in the majors in runs scored, and just 17th in runs allowed. A-Rod Feels the Burden of the Whole Team The Oakland A's were first in the majors in runs scored and 15th in runs allowed. Eric Chavez had an amazing comeback year, hitting .311 with 42 HR with 129 RBI. Youngster Ryan Ludwick hit 30 big flies in just 408 AB. Erubiel Durazo went on a tear this year, hitting .322 and driving in 128. The acquisition of Gary Sheffield also gave them some extra potency in the lineup. The marquis starter for the A's was of course Barry Zito, who went 19-9 with a 3.00 ERA and probably would win the Cy Young Award. In the playoffs, he'd face off against the Yankees' Jaret Wright, who went 13-12 with a 3.24 ERA and was the Yankees' only experienced starting pitcher. The A's would follow with Mike Mussina, and the Yankees hadn't yet decided who would start their other games.

01-25-2005, 05:23 PM	#17
Elendil Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the dynasty forum Posts: 2,318	Game One The first game of this ALDS turned out to be a pitcher's duel, a scoreless game into the seventh inning. SS Bobby Crosby changed all that by jacking a two-run shot, chasing Jaret Wright and bringing in Colter Bean. Bobby Crosby, the hero that almost was The Yankees answered in the bottom frame, with a leadoff walk for Rodriguez and a rapid succession of singles that chased Zito and put the home team up 3-2. Bean pitched the 8th and Rivera finished the 9th, but not without a runners-on-the-corners-two-outs scare. Player of the game: Jaret Wright (despite not getting the win). Yankees lead the series, 1-0.

01-25-2005, 06:00 PM	#20
DAL 9000 Minors (Triple A) Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 294	Comedy gold. I never thought I'd see the words "Yankee," "leadoff hitter," and "Kevin Hooper" in the same sentence, but damn me if you didn't do it. I salute you.