Rude name needs to change

jaxmagicman · 06-09-2003, 12:54 PM

After three years of constant criticism, the owner of the Dallas Assassins has decided to change his team’s name. Manger Lefty Wilson was quoted as saying “I like the name. It made people think twice before playing with us.” The name was picked as a joke (a bad one at that) and immediately drew controversy after being introduced. “It is a shame.” One fan said, “I think it tarnishes any good image the city of Dallas has made.” The owner stood by his decision though and said “I will not be forced to change my teams name for any pansy democratic view.” (The reference to the pansy democrat was lost on all that heard the quote.)
Lefty points out that his team is winning with the name (Dallas has been 260-226 in its three-year history, finishing first in the division in 2001). Despite the teams winning percentage the average attendance of those three years has been less than 33,000. So the team has decided to change its name to stimulate fan interest. The team now needs help to replace its controversial Nickname with a more fan friendly (and less offensive) one.
To help with the renaming of the Dallas team, please post a reply with what name you would like Dallas to have. The team owner will tally the votes in a couple days and let everyone know what the new name will be.

Modern Relic · 06-09-2003, 01:02 PM

The Dallas Magic Bullets
The Dallas Grassy Knolls

Gastric ReFlux · 06-09-2003, 01:08 PM

Dallas Cowboys?

Wait, that's even more offensive.

Codered · 06-09-2003, 01:52 PM

Dallas Outlaws
Dallas Mustangs
Dallas Pride

jaxmagicman · 06-09-2003, 03:14 PM

I aggree with you Gastric.

twins15 · 06-09-2003, 04:26 PM

Dallas Mavericks

messenjah · 06-09-2003, 05:49 PM

Wait, what's so wrong with Dallas Assassins? Am I missing something here?

BrewersFan2003 · 06-09-2003, 06:15 PM

lol, JFK, got assasinned in Dalllas, you get the point... No biggie I mean, but, yeah...

Anyways:

Dallas Stampede
Dallas Stormin' Herd
Dallas Ropers

holyroller · 06-09-2003, 06:20 PM

Dallas Steers
Dallas Queers
Dallas Beers

Jacesen · 06-09-2003, 06:30 PM

Dallas Texans
Dallas Plainsmen
Dallas Tornados
Dallas Planos

Springtime_for_Hunter · 06-09-2003, 06:33 PM

I imagine the Assassins are making more money than the entire rest of the league combined in merchandise sales. Every fifteen-year-old boy in the country must want a balck Assassins jersey. Why mess with a cash cow?

messenjah · 06-09-2003, 07:35 PM

oh yeah, I get it now. I thought it might have had something to do with the Washington D.C. Sniper. This makes a lot more sense.

rogmax11 · 06-09-2003, 08:39 PM

How about....

The Dallas Sphincters!

metsgeek · 06-10-2003, 02:14 AM

Dallas Dead Presidents

No wait...that's worse

Bobbuttons · 06-10-2003, 02:28 AM

Dallas Ruby's

ChipperJones10 · 06-10-2003, 04:24 AM

The Dallas Have the CIA Kill the President so he doesn't do something crazy like champion civil rights, not hate communism, and remove troops from Vietnam.

jaxmagicman · 06-10-2003, 11:10 AM

Too long chipper

jaxmagicman · 06-10-2003, 11:23 AM

Today on Mary Prince Taped- “The Coach of the Dallas Assassins: Lefty Wilson”

Mary Prince: Welcome everybody; today we will be talking to Lefty Wilson. Lefty is the coach of the Dallas Assassins and he is joining us to talk about the contreversay swirling around his teams name. Good morning Lefty.

Lefty: Good Morning Mary

Mary: How are you this morning?

Lefty: I am good

Mary: Let me start out by asking you how your team got its name?

Lefty: Well the owner of the team, Kerry Cones, had an idea that if he named his team something that caught every one’s attention he could make a lot of money.

Mary: How would the name help him make more money?

Lefty: Well, Kerry does not like to pay players what they are worth, so he figured that if he got a name that everyone talks about then the fans would show up and watch the game and he wouldn’t have to field a good team.

Mary: But from day one it was obvious that the name was not good for his team, why did he continue to use it?

Lefty: Well even though we did not see a good fan base, we sold a lot of Merchandise. I think people were buying the T-Shirts and Hats as jokes.

Mary: So if he is selling so much merchandise, why change now?

Lefty: You didn’t hear this from me, but I think Kerry is planning on running for office someday and he wants to be known as a good baseball owner. He wants the fans to love him, unlike the Football coach Dallas has.

Mary: That would make sense now, What name do you think the you will be using now?

Lefty: We put out a poll and the responses have been good. Let me go over some of them and let you know what I am thinking: The Cowboys was an idea, but I wouldn’t want to Have Garth Brooks come try out for my baseball team. The Outlaws was another name thrown out there, I kind of like that one. Mustangs made the list, I am inclined not to use that one because Ford might want to have their name on our stadium. Pride was another name, I guess that would work because if there is one thing Texas is known for it is Pride. The Mavericks made the list, but if we use that I think Mel Gibson might feel the need to visit our stadium on a regular basis. Which wouldn’t be so bad, but it would take attention away from our owner. Besides, what the hell is a Maverick anyway. In my book it means individualist and how can we have a team full of individualists. Some of the others that I do like are Dallas Stampede, Dallas Stormin' Herd, Dallas Ropers, Dallas Texans (Even though we are in Dallas and everyone knows Dallas is full of Texans) Dallas Plainsmen
Dallas Tornados (if we use the Tornados, we are thinking about changing from Dallas to Texas, Get it Texas Tornadoes catchy isn’t it) We could even have a song made about it.

Mary: I think there already is.

Lefty: See it just fits, any way two more on my list The Dallas Planos and the Dallas Dead Presidents

Mary: Wait, isn’t that last one even more offensive than the assassins.

Lefty: It might be, but the whole league is about “Dead Presidents” so why not put out in plain view what we want. We want your money.

Mary: Which do you think you will use?

Lefty: I don’t know, I am leaning towards the Outlaws or the Stormin’ Herd. I will let everyone know on Wednesday.

Mary: Thank you Lefty for coming on today and letting us know what is going on. Please keep in touch and let everyone know what you decide.

Lefty: I will.

jaxmagicman · 06-11-2003, 10:39 AM

The team has decided to go with the Outlaws, thank you guys for the help in renaming the Dallas Team.

KennyW · 06-11-2003, 12:06 PM

great write up!

06-09-2003, 12:54 PM	#1
jaxmagicman Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Retired defloration-maker living in Myrtle Beach, SC Posts: 7,801	Rude name needs to change After three years of constant criticism, the owner of the Dallas Assassins has decided to change his team’s name. Manger Lefty Wilson was quoted as saying “I like the name. It made people think twice before playing with us.” The name was picked as a joke (a bad one at that) and immediately drew controversy after being introduced. “It is a shame.” One fan said, “I think it tarnishes any good image the city of Dallas has made.” The owner stood by his decision though and said “I will not be forced to change my teams name for any pansy democratic view.” (The reference to the pansy democrat was lost on all that heard the quote.) Lefty points out that his team is winning with the name (Dallas has been 260-226 in its three-year history, finishing first in the division in 2001). Despite the teams winning percentage the average attendance of those three years has been less than 33,000. So the team has decided to change its name to stimulate fan interest. The team now needs help to replace its controversial Nickname with a more fan friendly (and less offensive) one. To help with the renaming of the Dallas team, please post a reply with what name you would like Dallas to have. The team owner will tally the votes in a couple days and let everyone know what the new name will be.

06-09-2003, 01:02 PM	#2
Modern Relic All Star Starter Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 1,266	The Dallas Magic Bullets The Dallas Grassy Knolls __________________ American Folklore Baseball League (closed): Commissioner/GM - Mudville Nine (ruled!) Former member of Boys of Summer: GM - St. Louis Browns (doormats!) Former member of the OTBL: GM - Gashouse Gorillas (also ruled!) "People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." Rogers Hornsby

06-09-2003, 04:26 PM	#6
twins15 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Area 51 Posts: 4,792	Dallas Mavericks __________________ "Ah man we're just hungry man" - Dovonte Edwards Bismarck Boy Scouts of the OTBL - league yes-man Ross Gload at baseball-reference.com Book Quotes and Book Lists

06-09-2003, 06:20 PM	#9
holyroller Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: OTBL Forums Posts: 3,532	Dallas Steers Dallas Queers Dallas Beers __________________ Back to work, but not drawing a paycheck. TonyJ et. al.'s alias “I confused it with the chicken’s neck,” Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. “I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it.”

06-09-2003, 06:33 PM	#11
Springtime_for_Hunter All Star Reserve Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 846	I imagine the Assassins are making more money than the entire rest of the league combined in merchandise sales. Every fifteen-year-old boy in the country must want a balck Assassins jersey. Why mess with a cash cow? __________________ "Only the utterly impossible, the inexpressibly fantastic, can ever be plausible again" Red Smith, New York Herald-Tribune, October 4, 1951

06-09-2003, 01:08 PM	#3
Gastric ReFlux Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Member #3409 Posts: 8,350	Dallas Cowboys? Wait, that's even more offensive.

06-09-2003, 01:52 PM	#4
Codered Bat Boy Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 18	Dallas Outlaws Dallas Mustangs Dallas Pride

06-09-2003, 03:14 PM	#5
jaxmagicman Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Retired defloration-maker living in Myrtle Beach, SC Posts: 7,801	I aggree with you Gastric.

06-09-2003, 05:49 PM	#7
messenjah All Star Reserve Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Washington State Posts: 565	Wait, what's so wrong with Dallas Assassins? Am I missing something here?

06-09-2003, 06:15 PM	#8
BrewersFan2003 Minors (Single A) Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 75	lol, JFK, got assasinned in Dalllas, you get the point... No biggie I mean, but, yeah... Anyways: Dallas Stampede Dallas Stormin' Herd Dallas Ropers

06-09-2003, 06:30 PM	#10
Jacesen Minors (Single A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Edmonton Posts: 82	Dallas Texans Dallas Plainsmen Dallas Tornados Dallas Planos

06-09-2003, 07:35 PM	#12
messenjah All Star Reserve Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Washington State Posts: 565	oh yeah, I get it now. I thought it might have had something to do with the Washington D.C. Sniper. This makes a lot more sense.

06-09-2003, 08:39 PM	#13
rogmax11 All Star Starter Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 1,320	How about.... The Dallas Sphincters!

06-10-2003, 02:14 AM	#14
metsgeek Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Norwood, MA Posts: 5,450	Dallas Dead Presidents No wait...that's worse __________________ Commissioner - PBRL - Just finished 2009 109 seasons and still running strong!!!

06-10-2003, 02:28 AM	#15
Bobbuttons Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Picturesque Mentor-on-the-Lake, Ohio Posts: 3,708	Dallas Ruby's __________________ Frankenstein never scared me. Marsupials do....cause they're fast! Gibson swings, and a fly ball to deep right field! This is gonna be a home run! Unbelievable! A home run for Gibson! And the Dodgers have won the game, 5 to 4; I don't believe what I just saw! I don't believe what I just saw!

06-10-2003, 04:24 AM	#16
ChipperJones10 Minors (Rookie Ball) Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 32	The Dallas Have the CIA Kill the President so he doesn't do something crazy like champion civil rights, not hate communism, and remove troops from Vietnam.

06-10-2003, 11:10 AM	#17
jaxmagicman Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Retired defloration-maker living in Myrtle Beach, SC Posts: 7,801	Too long chipper __________________ See ID Major League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of MLB Advanced Media, L.P. Minor League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with the permission of Minor League Baseball. All rights reserved.

06-10-2003, 11:23 AM	#18
jaxmagicman Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Retired defloration-maker living in Myrtle Beach, SC Posts: 7,801	Today on Mary Prince Taped- “The Coach of the Dallas Assassins: Lefty Wilson” Mary Prince: Welcome everybody; today we will be talking to Lefty Wilson. Lefty is the coach of the Dallas Assassins and he is joining us to talk about the contreversay swirling around his teams name. Good morning Lefty. Lefty: Good Morning Mary Mary: How are you this morning? Lefty: I am good Mary: Let me start out by asking you how your team got its name? Lefty: Well the owner of the team, Kerry Cones, had an idea that if he named his team something that caught every one’s attention he could make a lot of money. Mary: How would the name help him make more money? Lefty: Well, Kerry does not like to pay players what they are worth, so he figured that if he got a name that everyone talks about then the fans would show up and watch the game and he wouldn’t have to field a good team. Mary: But from day one it was obvious that the name was not good for his team, why did he continue to use it? Lefty: Well even though we did not see a good fan base, we sold a lot of Merchandise. I think people were buying the T-Shirts and Hats as jokes. Mary: So if he is selling so much merchandise, why change now? Lefty: You didn’t hear this from me, but I think Kerry is planning on running for office someday and he wants to be known as a good baseball owner. He wants the fans to love him, unlike the Football coach Dallas has. Mary: That would make sense now, What name do you think the you will be using now? Lefty: We put out a poll and the responses have been good. Let me go over some of them and let you know what I am thinking: The Cowboys was an idea, but I wouldn’t want to Have Garth Brooks come try out for my baseball team. The Outlaws was another name thrown out there, I kind of like that one. Mustangs made the list, I am inclined not to use that one because Ford might want to have their name on our stadium. Pride was another name, I guess that would work because if there is one thing Texas is known for it is Pride. The Mavericks made the list, but if we use that I think Mel Gibson might feel the need to visit our stadium on a regular basis. Which wouldn’t be so bad, but it would take attention away from our owner. Besides, what the hell is a Maverick anyway. In my book it means individualist and how can we have a team full of individualists. Some of the others that I do like are Dallas Stampede, Dallas Stormin' Herd, Dallas Ropers, Dallas Texans (Even though we are in Dallas and everyone knows Dallas is full of Texans) Dallas Plainsmen Dallas Tornados (if we use the Tornados, we are thinking about changing from Dallas to Texas, Get it Texas Tornadoes catchy isn’t it) We could even have a song made about it. Mary: I think there already is. Lefty: See it just fits, any way two more on my list The Dallas Planos and the Dallas Dead Presidents Mary: Wait, isn’t that last one even more offensive than the assassins. Lefty: It might be, but the whole league is about “Dead Presidents” so why not put out in plain view what we want. We want your money. Mary: Which do you think you will use? Lefty: I don’t know, I am leaning towards the Outlaws or the Stormin’ Herd. I will let everyone know on Wednesday. Mary: Thank you Lefty for coming on today and letting us know what is going on. Please keep in touch and let everyone know what you decide. Lefty: I will. __________________ See ID Major League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of MLB Advanced Media, L.P. Minor League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with the permission of Minor League Baseball. All rights reserved.

06-11-2003, 10:39 AM	#19
jaxmagicman Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Retired defloration-maker living in Myrtle Beach, SC Posts: 7,801	The team has decided to go with the Outlaws, thank you guys for the help in renaming the Dallas Team. __________________ See ID Major League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of MLB Advanced Media, L.P. Minor League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with the permission of Minor League Baseball. All rights reserved.

06-11-2003, 12:06 PM	#20
KennyW Minors (Single A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Tennessee Posts: 66	great write up! __________________ Kenny Wheeler/Bartlett High QB PABL - Atlanta Braves 2005 NL Champs 2007 NL Champs