OOL - Howlers Scream into First Place!

LivnLegend · 06-20-2002, 07:34 PM

If you haven't checked out the OOTP Official League, do so today!

Special to the Dakota Plains Daily

by: Buzz Van Der Hoff

The Dakota Howlers are now cruising along in first place with a 15-8 record. The other five teams in the division are all in a jumble and only 1.5 games separate second place Dodge City from last place South Bend.

Dakota team captain Will “Bump” Bailey crushed another four home runs in wins over patsies Regina and Heyworth. He’s now up to eight home runs for the season. The sturdy catcher with the big swing has a goal of getting more hits than strikeouts this season. So far he is succeeding, 24 hits to 22 strikeouts. “I’m having some success so far against some of the worst pitching staffs I’ve seen since District 5 Little League, back home in Knoxville,” said Bailey while waiting for results on the 4th race at Saratoga. “I expect it might be tougher to hit home runs at will when we face teams with good pitching staffs like Ottawa and Bangor.”

Recently Madison Hatters GM Glen Haag took offense to comments attributed to Dakota pitcher James “The Animal” Baldwin regarding Madison’s alleged lack of a nightlife scene. Haag pointed out the lively aspects of the Cultural Center and the possibilities to meet new and interesting young students at the Memorial Union. When Baldwin was asked about whether he really gave the burg of Madison a chance he lifted the ice pack of his forehead long enough to become defensive. “Hey, I went to that college first,” he declared, “It’s a dry campus and the fact that it’s an all boys school doesn’t help my chances of scoring very much.” When told it was a co-ed campus, Baldwin said, “Really? If some of them are women, how come none of the student population shaves their legs?” As far as the beer he drank that night he said, “Heck, now that I think about it, it was not Schlitz. It was Pabst Blue Ribbon.”

Baldwin is 3-1 on the season with a 3.60 ERA. Teammate and rookie Eric Prim has been pitching very well since his major league debut. He has won his first two decisions and sports a fine 2.51 ERA. Prim, the son of a Mormon preacher, is really taken by this life of being a major league pitcher. “I’m still in a daze,” said young Prim, “I’m just happy to be here! Darn it all to heck, the best part is getting to eat dinner out every night. My favorite is Home Town Buffet; they’ve got like 20 flavors of pudding and gelatin!” Dakota Manager Auggie Runnells says he’d like to bring Prim along slowly. “The kid has a lot of upside and there’s no reason to work his arm to death this early in the season,” rumbled Runnells. “He has a good head on his shoulders and is a good kid. I just need to keep him the hell away from Baldwin!”

Free agent acquisition Bernard Cabrera looks to be a bust so far. The center fielder, who was signed for $2.3 million dollars for three years, is hitting .209 with zero home runs and 2 RBI. “I’m just looking to find my stroke,” said Cabrera, “My numbers will be fine once I get more comfortable at the plate here.” When asked about Cabrera’s statements, Dakota GM Scott Fite said, “More comfortable?! What’s he want, a Barcalounger to sit in at the plate? He needs to start hitting, PRONTO!”

LivnLegend · 06-24-2002, 05:58 PM

latest in the OOL world's Dakota Howlers...check out the OOL today!

Special to the Dakota Plains Daily

by: Buzz VanDer Hoff

The Dakota Howlers continue to roll along in first place. At 20-14, they are four games ahead of second place Black Dog Canines. It is the biggest lead in any of the OOL’s four division. Only 1½ games separate the second place through last place team in the division, leading to much speculation over who is going to finish in second place behind Dakota. “I think it will be South Bend,” predicted recently deposed OOL beat write Peter Gammons, “They have the pitching to get them there and also the luxury of not having manager Mark Cooley around to run their star players into the ground like Toledo does.” A surprising prediction came from well-known beat writer Ross Newhan who said, “Black Dog will stay on top of the pile and finish second to Dakota and Cory Henshaw will be the MVP.” An even more surprising prediction came from Philadelphia Daily News’ Bill Conlin who said, “I think Dodge City will get their act together and finish second behind the mighty Howlers.” He then added, “I am going on a great diet that will have me 80 pounds lighter by the end of summer,” thereby ruining all credibility given to his Dodge City prediction.

James “The Animal” Baldwin threw a 3-hit shutout against the Dodge City Outlaws on the road in Kansas. It was his first shutout and second complete game of the season as he improved to 5-1 on the year. “The shutout was nice,” said Baldwin after the game, “But I really want a no-hitter. I’ve never had one and frankly, a pitcher of my talent really should have a couple under his belt before he heads into the Hall of Fame.” Dodge City managed three singles and the amazing thing is, after each single, the next Outlaw batter hit into a double play! Baldwin celebrated by trashing another hotel room, this one being at the Wyatt Earp Ramada Inn, which is all the more curious since the team was staying at the Dodge City Hilton.

The most odd statistic of the Dakota Howler’s early season success comes from the fact that the team is merely 7-10 at home while playing wildly successful (13-4) on the road. “I take full credit for that,” said Dakota manager Augie Runnells. “At the beginning of the season I announced my team rules.” [Ed. Note: For those not bothering to read previous press releases, the rules include: No earrings, no facial hair, and no rock music or women in the locker room. Players will be in their hotel rooms and lights out by midnight curfew and no fraternizing with the other team's players]. Runnells continued, “On the road it’s easy to enforce the rules. At home, these guys can go to their own homes and escape my watchful eye. Next season I think we should play more games on the road.” Owner/General Manager Scott Fite looked fearful when Runnell’s odd request was relayed to him. “Uh, well, the financial aspects of the sport would prohibit us from playing all our games on the road,” reasoned Fite. “In order to pay salaries, I need our wonderful, supportive fans to continue to travel from farms and ranches from miles around to watch our fantastic, first place talent play baseball right here in the wonderful state of South Dakota at Frigid Field.”

The sudden slump of team captain Will “Bump” Bailey (.264, 8 HR, 18 RBI) is leading to speculation that the burly catcher is worried over rumors of an investigation by the league office into Bailey’s severely large gambling losses. Bailey denies the reasoning behind his slump, stating he’s just at the low point of the many “peaks and valley’s” major league hitters go through in a season. “Besides, my gambling losses are very small,” said Bailey. “What I may lose in a week on the horses or at cards seems large to the common man because those losses are more than his whole yearly salary. But you have to remember, I make $4 million a year, so it’s nuthin’ to me.” Bailey started the season strong but is homer-less in his last 36 at bats and his hitting .167 for the month of May. “I’ll get back on track very soon,” he predicted, “in fact, I’ll bet you a grand I’m hitting .300 by the end of the month.”

Dakota pitcher Christopher Saephan has been ducking rumors of doctoring the ball all of his life but speculation around the league is even more rampant this year as Saephan has started out 5-1 with one of the best ERA’s in the league at 2.20. “You know, I hate to hear things like that,” said Dakota Owner/GM Scott Fite, “If you look at his strikeout to walk ratio (26 K’s compared to a mere 6 BB’s in 41 innings) it is easy to see how a pitcher like him is having success.”
Those around the league are not so sure. One opposing hitter from Black Dog who will remain nameless by his request said, “There’s no way that guy gets that much movement without using something on the ball. And I’m not just stating that because of sour grapes over my .236 average this season. The other day my manager said, ‘Barre, your ass starts hitting the ball or it’ll be riding the pine’. Of course that day we were playing Dakota and Saephan was pitching. I went 0-4 with 2 K’s and Skip says ‘Jim, I warned you!’ and now it looks like I’ll be benched.”

Dakota reliever Tokuhei “Toku” Kensaku came from Japan to the OOL with huge expectations. This season he was on fire, pitching scoreless ball in his first 11 relief appearances! Since then, however, he has been lit up to the tune of eleven runs in 6 appearances. Kensaku’s interpreter, Ronin Kawa, said the young pitcher is somewhat despondent over his recent lack of success. “Toku wants to articulate his heartfelt request for forgiveness over the issue of his recent ineptitude on the mound,” said Kawa. “Furthermore, a continuing lack of accomplishment in this manner will cause Toku to consider Hara-kiri as his only method of appeasement to those he has brought upon disgrace.”

LivnLegend · 06-24-2002, 05:59 PM

Edit – We apologize for the recent bit if misinformation in Buzz VanDer Hoff’s column this week. Apparently quotes by Toku Kensaku’s “interpreter” were fabrications on the part of an unknown imposter.

Kensaku had this to say today: “Recently quotes by someone named Ronin Kawa were attributed to me. I want everyone to know he is not in my, nor the team’s employee. Furthermore, I speak English fairly well and do not need an interpreter. Lastly, I wish to let my parents and family back home in Japan know I am not considering disemboweling myself as a result of my poor performance of late. Thank you."

06-20-2002, 07:34 PM	#1
LivnLegend Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: 100% pure adrenaline! Posts: 5,624	OOL - Howlers Scream into First Place! If you haven't checked out the OOTP Official League, do so today! Special to the Dakota Plains Daily by: Buzz Van Der Hoff The Dakota Howlers are now cruising along in first place with a 15-8 record. The other five teams in the division are all in a jumble and only 1.5 games separate second place Dodge City from last place South Bend. Dakota team captain Will “Bump” Bailey crushed another four home runs in wins over patsies Regina and Heyworth. He’s now up to eight home runs for the season. The sturdy catcher with the big swing has a goal of getting more hits than strikeouts this season. So far he is succeeding, 24 hits to 22 strikeouts. “I’m having some success so far against some of the worst pitching staffs I’ve seen since District 5 Little League, back home in Knoxville,” said Bailey while waiting for results on the 4th race at Saratoga. “I expect it might be tougher to hit home runs at will when we face teams with good pitching staffs like Ottawa and Bangor.” Recently Madison Hatters GM Glen Haag took offense to comments attributed to Dakota pitcher James “The Animal” Baldwin regarding Madison’s alleged lack of a nightlife scene. Haag pointed out the lively aspects of the Cultural Center and the possibilities to meet new and interesting young students at the Memorial Union. When Baldwin was asked about whether he really gave the burg of Madison a chance he lifted the ice pack of his forehead long enough to become defensive. “Hey, I went to that college first,” he declared, “It’s a dry campus and the fact that it’s an all boys school doesn’t help my chances of scoring very much.” When told it was a co-ed campus, Baldwin said, “Really? If some of them are women, how come none of the student population shaves their legs?” As far as the beer he drank that night he said, “Heck, now that I think about it, it was not Schlitz. It was Pabst Blue Ribbon.” Baldwin is 3-1 on the season with a 3.60 ERA. Teammate and rookie Eric Prim has been pitching very well since his major league debut. He has won his first two decisions and sports a fine 2.51 ERA. Prim, the son of a Mormon preacher, is really taken by this life of being a major league pitcher. “I’m still in a daze,” said young Prim, “I’m just happy to be here! Darn it all to heck, the best part is getting to eat dinner out every night. My favorite is Home Town Buffet; they’ve got like 20 flavors of pudding and gelatin!” Dakota Manager Auggie Runnells says he’d like to bring Prim along slowly. “The kid has a lot of upside and there’s no reason to work his arm to death this early in the season,” rumbled Runnells. “He has a good head on his shoulders and is a good kid. I just need to keep him the hell away from Baldwin!” Free agent acquisition Bernard Cabrera looks to be a bust so far. The center fielder, who was signed for $2.3 million dollars for three years, is hitting .209 with zero home runs and 2 RBI. “I’m just looking to find my stroke,” said Cabrera, “My numbers will be fine once I get more comfortable at the plate here.” When asked about Cabrera’s statements, Dakota GM Scott Fite said, “More comfortable?! What’s he want, a Barcalounger to sit in at the plate? He needs to start hitting, PRONTO!” __________________ Excess ain't rebellion. You're drinking what they're selling. Last edited by LivnLegend; 06-20-2002 at 07:38 PM.

06-24-2002, 05:58 PM	#2
LivnLegend Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: 100% pure adrenaline! Posts: 5,624	latest in the OOL world's Dakota Howlers...check out the OOL today! Special to the Dakota Plains Daily by: Buzz VanDer Hoff The Dakota Howlers continue to roll along in first place. At 20-14, they are four games ahead of second place Black Dog Canines. It is the biggest lead in any of the OOL’s four division. Only 1½ games separate the second place through last place team in the division, leading to much speculation over who is going to finish in second place behind Dakota. “I think it will be South Bend,” predicted recently deposed OOL beat write Peter Gammons, “They have the pitching to get them there and also the luxury of not having manager Mark Cooley around to run their star players into the ground like Toledo does.” A surprising prediction came from well-known beat writer Ross Newhan who said, “Black Dog will stay on top of the pile and finish second to Dakota and Cory Henshaw will be the MVP.” An even more surprising prediction came from Philadelphia Daily News’ Bill Conlin who said, “I think Dodge City will get their act together and finish second behind the mighty Howlers.” He then added, “I am going on a great diet that will have me 80 pounds lighter by the end of summer,” thereby ruining all credibility given to his Dodge City prediction. James “The Animal” Baldwin threw a 3-hit shutout against the Dodge City Outlaws on the road in Kansas. It was his first shutout and second complete game of the season as he improved to 5-1 on the year. “The shutout was nice,” said Baldwin after the game, “But I really want a no-hitter. I’ve never had one and frankly, a pitcher of my talent really should have a couple under his belt before he heads into the Hall of Fame.” Dodge City managed three singles and the amazing thing is, after each single, the next Outlaw batter hit into a double play! Baldwin celebrated by trashing another hotel room, this one being at the Wyatt Earp Ramada Inn, which is all the more curious since the team was staying at the Dodge City Hilton. The most odd statistic of the Dakota Howler’s early season success comes from the fact that the team is merely 7-10 at home while playing wildly successful (13-4) on the road. “I take full credit for that,” said Dakota manager Augie Runnells. “At the beginning of the season I announced my team rules.” [Ed. Note: For those not bothering to read previous press releases, the rules include: No earrings, no facial hair, and no rock music or women in the locker room. Players will be in their hotel rooms and lights out by midnight curfew and no fraternizing with the other team's players]. Runnells continued, “On the road it’s easy to enforce the rules. At home, these guys can go to their own homes and escape my watchful eye. Next season I think we should play more games on the road.” Owner/General Manager Scott Fite looked fearful when Runnell’s odd request was relayed to him. “Uh, well, the financial aspects of the sport would prohibit us from playing all our games on the road,” reasoned Fite. “In order to pay salaries, I need our wonderful, supportive fans to continue to travel from farms and ranches from miles around to watch our fantastic, first place talent play baseball right here in the wonderful state of South Dakota at Frigid Field.” The sudden slump of team captain Will “Bump” Bailey (.264, 8 HR, 18 RBI) is leading to speculation that the burly catcher is worried over rumors of an investigation by the league office into Bailey’s severely large gambling losses. Bailey denies the reasoning behind his slump, stating he’s just at the low point of the many “peaks and valley’s” major league hitters go through in a season. “Besides, my gambling losses are very small,” said Bailey. “What I may lose in a week on the horses or at cards seems large to the common man because those losses are more than his whole yearly salary. But you have to remember, I make $4 million a year, so it’s nuthin’ to me.” Bailey started the season strong but is homer-less in his last 36 at bats and his hitting .167 for the month of May. “I’ll get back on track very soon,” he predicted, “in fact, I’ll bet you a grand I’m hitting .300 by the end of the month.” Dakota pitcher Christopher Saephan has been ducking rumors of doctoring the ball all of his life but speculation around the league is even more rampant this year as Saephan has started out 5-1 with one of the best ERA’s in the league at 2.20. “You know, I hate to hear things like that,” said Dakota Owner/GM Scott Fite, “If you look at his strikeout to walk ratio (26 K’s compared to a mere 6 BB’s in 41 innings) it is easy to see how a pitcher like him is having success.” Those around the league are not so sure. One opposing hitter from Black Dog who will remain nameless by his request said, “There’s no way that guy gets that much movement without using something on the ball. And I’m not just stating that because of sour grapes over my .236 average this season. The other day my manager said, ‘Barre, your ass starts hitting the ball or it’ll be riding the pine’. Of course that day we were playing Dakota and Saephan was pitching. I went 0-4 with 2 K’s and Skip says ‘Jim, I warned you!’ and now it looks like I’ll be benched.” Dakota reliever Tokuhei “Toku” Kensaku came from Japan to the OOL with huge expectations. This season he was on fire, pitching scoreless ball in his first 11 relief appearances! Since then, however, he has been lit up to the tune of eleven runs in 6 appearances. Kensaku’s interpreter, Ronin Kawa, said the young pitcher is somewhat despondent over his recent lack of success. “Toku wants to articulate his heartfelt request for forgiveness over the issue of his recent ineptitude on the mound,” said Kawa. “Furthermore, a continuing lack of accomplishment in this manner will cause Toku to consider Hara-kiri as his only method of appeasement to those he has brought upon disgrace.” __________________ Excess ain't rebellion. You're drinking what they're selling.

06-24-2002, 05:59 PM	#3
LivnLegend Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: 100% pure adrenaline! Posts: 5,624	Edit – We apologize for the recent bit if misinformation in Buzz VanDer Hoff’s column this week. Apparently quotes by Toku Kensaku’s “interpreter” were fabrications on the part of an unknown imposter. Kensaku had this to say today: “Recently quotes by someone named Ronin Kawa were attributed to me. I want everyone to know he is not in my, nor the team’s employee. Furthermore, I speak English fairly well and do not need an interpreter. Lastly, I wish to let my parents and family back home in Japan know I am not considering disemboweling myself as a result of my poor performance of late. Thank you."