Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty: The Pale Hose

[copper888]

Another nice win for these Pale Hose...What exactly is going on? This teams been playing some quality baseball for a while now.

Seems like your pitchers are giving you a chance to win every night, they say that's all you can ask for right? But Moo throwing 56 in 6 on one hit? Madness...

[Carlton]

You need Ross Gload and Doug Glanville

no doubt!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

All those 4's? It means you won.

The college education at work, folks. I think you got it.

Originally Posted by Vris

So much for Jon Moo. He only threw 56 pitches in 6 innings? That's just not right. That's not the Garland we all know and love.

That nasty sinking fastball of is really ducking and diving, apparently. I can't explain it, either.

Originally Posted by Vris

Nice game Craig. Way to use those managerial skills (TM)

Gracias.

Originally Posted by copper888

Another nice win for these Pale Hose...What exactly is going on? This teams been playing some quality baseball for a while now.

Indeed we have. It's odd, because we're really not any good -- the third highest batting average among the qualifiers on our club is Mr .215, Julio Lugo, and there's just so many gaping holes in the lineup (the entire infield, basically, and Joe Borchard and his sub-.300 OBP isn't exactly going to get a Silver Slugger, either), but D.Y. and Maggs have gotten some help, too.

Originally Posted by copper888

Seems like your pitchers are giving you a chance to win every night, they say that's all you can ask for right? But Moo throwing 56 in 6 on one hit? Madness...

That's a big part of it, too -- we're not a team that can outmash the opponents, but we can hang in and string together a double or two once in a while. Garland and Loaiza, much as I don't want to admit it, have pitched awfully well recently. Puzzle that one out...

Thanks for checking in.

Originally Posted by Carlton

You need Ross Gload and Doug Glanville

no doubt!

You know, I tried to sign The Gload this offseason! But he wanted to take his winning skills and clutch ways to The Evil Empire. No wonder they're in first...baseball definitely needs a salary cap.

And to drive that point home even more, Glanville's on the Other New York Team. Somebody spout off about how we can't compete...

[DAL 9000]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

The way Jon Garland has been pitching, he definitely deserves a middle name of "F***ing", much like John Mabry.

Soooo... does your use of John F. Mabry mean you hang out at Baseball Primer?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

Soooo... does your use of John F. Mabry mean you hang out at Baseball Primer?

Soooo...does your question mean you're familiar with the Primer, too, or is it just a hypothetical? [stupid smiley]

Yeah, I'm not creative enough to come up with John F. Mabry on my own -- I've lurked there for the better part of the last two years ever since my buddy played amateur stathead for a day. Member #2608.

Fake Edit: Jeez, there were, like, 26 people browsing the thread when I clicked on this. What the hell's going on here?

[cknox0723]

We'll be riding the description-defying left arm of Mark Buehrle in this final game with Baltimore, and they'll also send out a southpaw in 24 year old Ryan Hannaman, who's had quite a nice sophomore season -- 8 wins and a 3.53 ERA.

Fine numbers, especially for such a young'un, but Buehrle resembles some more esteemed southpaws, whereas Hannaman calls to mind...I dunno, Steve Avery or someone. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. But in the first inning, the lesson's learned that there's nothing wrong with Steve Avery, as both pitchers dominate and rack up a pair of strikeouts. But do they crunch on toast and cereal and drink a glass of juice each?

Doubt it. And even if they don't, the second inning goes about the same, though Buehrle, who tosses just 7 pitches, breezes through it, whilst Hannaman throws a whole bunch of pitches and even gives us a baserunner when, like the typical rookie, he flubs a comebacker and throws the ball into the first-base seats. Doesn't matter much, as we don't score, but it looks funny, so there.

Nothing changes in the third frame, and it looks as though we'll have a pitcher's duel for the ages as the fourth inning also takes the shape of the perfectly elastic demand curve. Miguel Tejada ends Buehrle's no-hitter with a two-out base knock, but that's no big deal, is it?

No...but then Buehrle hangs a 3-2 slider to Jose Bautista, and he rips it into the left field corner for a two-bagger. Tejada scores standing up, and suddenly it's a big deal. Darnell McDonald, whoever the hell that is, makes it a big freakin' economic catastrophe when he DESTROYS the first pitch he sees, blasting a two-run long ball to left-center. Ronnie Belliard, who's probably batting blindfolded, strikes out, but it's 3-0 Baltimore. Uh, WTF is going on?

We finally start to hit Hannaman a little bit in the fourth, but make two outs before Joe Crede smacks a double off the center field fence, and when Raul Gonzalez comebacks one, that ruins our chance to mount a comeback. Same story in the fifth, except it's Buehrle, of all people, doing the doubling, and The Hacktastic One, who'd probably hit better without a bat, grounding out to end the inning.

So it'd be natural to say that things would change in the sixth, just by progressive logic, or something. And sure enough -- Buehrle, who's been lights-out and aces aside from that little fourth inning hiccup, works another quick frame, and to start the bottom half, D.Y. and Maggs both scald singles. First and second, no one out, The Big Hurt up. Music to a White Sox fan's ears...

"The 3-2 to Thomas...fastball, swung on and lined to right field, base hit! Young rounding third and coming home...and McDonald's throw is...cut off by Melvin Mora. A ribbie single for Frank Thomas, and the Sox have cut the deficit down to two!"

Best of all, not that I'm a sadist or masochist or anything, Hannaman gets pulled at that point, feigning some sort of injury. Sure, sure -- fine by me. Right-hander Jacobo "Sequea Tree" comes on, so I pinch-hit for Joe Crede with Brad Fullmer. He hacks at the first pitch he sees...

"...driven to deep right-center! McDonald on his horse...but it's over his head and off the wall on one hop! Ordonez will score, and Fullmer eases into second as Thomas is held up at third. A pinch-hit double for Brad Fullmer, and the Sox are down a run and still no one out here in the sixth!"

Raul Gonzalez, perhaps the most fundamentally sound player ever, draws a free pass to load the bases for The Relief Ace. And Enrique comes through, lining a single to left-center that plates Thomas easily, and Brad Fullmer tries to give us the lead run...

"Bigbie's throw...Gil sets up...Fullmer slides, the tag and he is OUT! Geronimo Gil blocks the plate perfectly, and that keeps the game tied for the moment, but the Sox have runners at second and third with only one out and three across already this frame."

Hackin' Miggy, of all people, draws a walk, loading the bags again, and even I don't have the nerve to let Mark Buehrle hit in that situation. He's lifted after just 76 pitches (good, his arm could use the rest) for Joe Borchard, who's got a shot to give Buehrle a shot -- not one for the flu (can't happen anyway), but for his first win in four starts. And give him that shot he does, as Beet Soup ropes a screaming shot to right (on a 1-2 pitch, no less) that bangs off the wall. It's a two-bagger that plates two and gets Sequea the gate, albeit too late. Mike "Honey DeJean" comes in, toting a miniscule 2.26 ERA and a nasty breaking ball, and he dangles The Hacktastic One like a needle does to thread, whiffing him on a 1-2 hammer. But Dmitri Young's up next, and he's been HITTING THE LIVING SNOT OUT OF THE BALL recently.

"The 1-0 to Young...fastball...swung on and CRUSHED to dead center! Garcia back...but now he'll just slow and watch that one go! Oh, a moonshot off the landing, and Dmitri Young's tenth home run of the year is certainly deserving of being called a long ball! The Sox have exploded this inning, and after eight unaswered runs, it's now 8-3."

Maggs flies out, but...hey, we finally got:

"BIG inning!"

I'll say. That's a sufficient tide turner, as they say, and a trio of relievers gets us through the last few innings, not like that's a particularly difficult task when up a whole bunch of runs. And like Dmitri Young so often does, we've got a three out of four mark. Three outta four certainly ain't bad.



BAL 4 CHW 8

WP: M. Buehrle (13-7) - 6 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 0 BB, 7 K, 76 pitches (worked out well enough)
LP: J. Sequea (2-3) - 0.1 IP, 3 H, 4 R

Game Ball Goes To... Dmitri Young, who was having a nice, quiet, rather uninteresting day until he decided that we might like to win this one. And single-handedly, with a three run big fly, he pretty much did just that.

EDIT: Damn, just as I post that, everyone disappears. Reminds me of my not-so-successful smooth moves with the ladies...

EDIT, PT. II: Hey, a guest! Spill it, now...inquiring minds want to know who you are!

[DAL 9000]

Hey, ANOTHER win! Maybe you really /will/ claw your way up to .500.

Originally Posted by cknox0723

Soooo...does your question mean you're familiar with the Primer, too, or is it just a hypothetical? [stupid smiley]

Yeah, I'm not creative enough to come up with John F. Mabry on my own -- I've lurked there for the better part of the last two years ever since my buddy played amateur stathead for a day. Member #2608.

The Mabry thread had the funniest trade comment I've ever seen: "Now, now, you guys. There's no need to get all hot and bothered about who got the better of this trade. That's what we have Win Shares for!" ... but possibly you had to be there.

Getting back on topic, here is my valuable advice and support for you: Let's go, Pale Hose! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Let's go, Pale Hose! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

Hey, ANOTHER win! Maybe you really /will/ claw your way up to .500.

Nah, don't kid yourself. We still suck, even if we have won a few recently.

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

The Mabry thread had the funniest trade comment I've ever seen: "Now, now, you guys. There's no need to get all hot and bothered about who got the better of this trade. That's what we have Win Shares for!" ... but possibly you had to be there.

Oh, boy, there were a few brilliant comments amidst all of the "the sky is falling" sentiment that pervaded the first two hours and 200 comments in that thread. Considering the context, the above one is pretty damn funny. And once J.F.M. started swatting game winning hits...the after-the-fact comments were just as good.

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

Getting back on topic, here is my valuable advice and support for you: Let's go, Pale Hose! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Let's go, Pale Hose! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

If you can get the Wave started, then I'll be really impressed.

Thanks for the comment, David.

[cknox0723]

As I desperately try to avoid the fact that we have a three-game set in Minnesota, some random factoids and tidbits:

Three days ago, Javy Vazquez won his 20th game, while David Weathers has 42 saves, also for The Evil Empire, though he's given up five runs in his last two outings, the latter blowing a save, and hasn't pitched in 6 days. Still, he's just 16 away from making us (and Bobby Thigpen) a little more obsolete.

Joe Blanton really hasn't pitched well this year. See this thread for more details on that.

And Dmitri Young was named American League Player of the Week for his efforts last week -- a .630 batting average and 1680 OPS in 27 at-bats. Now he'll definitely go oh-for-four today.

All right, I can't avoid it any longer. On come the Hankies.

Facing Ben Sheets, who suffocated us last time 'round the bend, certainly won't pad the offensive numbers, but he's not scary. He doesn't hit 97 on the radar gun, and some people will tell you those are the only guys that should make the Hall of Fame. So we're good, right?

Well, Hacktastic Julio starts things off by working a rare 3-1 count...and grounding out. You know, ever since I called him .220 Means Frequent Contact, as an homage to "scout" Quent Moore, Lugo's hit like crap. He's down to .212. Probably just a coincidence. Anyway, D.Y. pops out (told ya!), and there's two down, but Maggs keeps the inning alive with a single. Brad Fullmer, in the lineup because Sheets has struggled with lefties this year, also jumps on the second pitch he sees, and strokes it right back through the box for a clean single. Runners at the corners, two outs...and Joe Borchard up. Heart of the order, right?

"The one-oh to Borchard...high fastball, a swing and a long drive to right-center! Back is Ford...at the track, at the wall...but that ball is outta here! A three-run home run for Joe Borchard, his thirteenth of the year, and the Sox take a 3-0 lead with a two-out explosion in the top of the first!"

The Pig Wrestler, covered in mud, can't hogtie a ground ball off of Enrique's bat, and the inning continues on, but it'll be brief, as Juan Uribe steps in and takes two quick strikes. Then a cat-and-mouse game begins -- a ball, a foul tip, rinse and repeat, and Uribe works the count full. At least he's forcing the pitch count up...

"Here comes the payoff pitch from Sheets...Wilson's off and...fastball, swing and a shot to left-center! Stewart going back...still going back...and he stops at the wall and just looks up! A two-run blast for Juan Uribe, his fifth, and the White Sox have scored five here in the first, all with two outs!"

Jason LaRue takes strike three on the outside half, but, once again..."BIG inning!"

All Jon Rauch has to do is merely what the Rollie Sheldons and Bill Staffords of the world did for the '61 Yankees, and that's throw strikes and let the defense do the work. That, of course, would be way too easy, so Rauch walks leadoff hitter Shannon Stewart. Joe Mauer swings at a 3-1 pitch, so it won't be two free passes in a row, but he hits a drive to left-center. It dies out in the damp air-conditioning of the Metrodome, and Joe Borchard hauls it in. Corey Koskie hits a slow ground ball to the right side and Matt LeCroy hits a hard bouncer to the left side, but both are converted for outs, and our five-run advantage is intact after an inning.

For some reason, that strikes me as a key seizure of the momentum, an FDR-like metaphorical stopping of the buck. Or maybe it's just three outs, who the hell knows? I do know that neither side scores in the second, as Fullmer whiffs to leave Lugo and Ordonez in scoring position, but Sheets can't help himself, fanning to leave two on base in the bottom half. Enrique lines a one-out base knock to give us a third-inning baserunner, and Juan F. Uribe smacks a double off the wall to give us two men in scoring position with only one out. A wild pitch brings home The Relief Ace, and a sacrifice fly by The Mime plates The Out-Sucking Machine.

Up seven, we can float on our dollar if we want, and we do just that. Rauch isn't at his hypothetical sharpest, but he gives us innings in bulk, though the Twins keep chipping away, and Juan Rincon, who enters in the fourth, shuts us down. In fact, the whole offense goes into Operation Shutdown, and in making a few errors and generally looking lackadaisical, so does the defense, but up seven, it's not a big deal. It's 7-1 after 3 full frames, and 7-3 after five. Rauch keeps on keepin' on, and gets us into the seventh with the score 7-4. He gets the first two batters, Mauer and Koskie, but walks The Pig Wrestler and removes himself after Alex Cintron pokes a single. P.J. Bevis comes on, gives up a single to Lew Ford, who's still not a rookie, but Mike Cuddyer flies out, and we're out of "Cuddyer Straits". 7-4, though.

Pedro Feliciano shuts us down in the top of the eighth, and Mercurial Kiko comes on in our behalf. After a shot by Torii Hunter that goes for two bags only because it doesn't get high enough, it's apparent Kiko Man doesn't have it tonight, and after Josh "Rabe-id Squirrel" singles, Joe Roa, who I'd hoped to rest, comes on. He gets out of the inning, and it's on to the ninth, up a pair of runs

Jesse Crain, the fourth Twins' reliever, faces the minimum, and we need one more out than our lead. But Roa gives up a base hit to Alex Cintron to bring the tying run to the plate and, much to my surprise, Casey McGehee, pinch-hitter and Rule 5 Pick, pokes a single. That brings up a man who doubled thirty-six times last year in Mike Cuddyer. Some straits we're in...

"The three-one to Cuddyer...slider, lined to right...in front of Ordonez! Base hit! Cintron will score...McGehee's going for third...and the throw's not going to get him! Michael Cuddyer with a big single, and now the Twins have the tying run at third with no one out in the bottom of the ninth!"

In comes the infield, and maybe Roa just needed to hear Julio Lugo cheering him on in Spanish. Torii Hunter raps one right to The Hacktastic One, who takes the out at first. One down, winning run at second. I chew on my lip for a moment, signal for Roa to walk The Rabid Squirrel intentionally, and Shannon Stewart has a chance to win it, lose it, or...draw it. Well, how he could "draw it" brings to mind a different question entirely...

"The two-two pitch to Stewart...changeup, fisted to the right side. Uribe charges...fires home for out number one...LaRue's throw to first is...NOT IN TIME! And this one will come down to young catcher Joe Mauer."

"One ball, no strikes to Mauer. Roa to the set...kicks his leg, pushes off the rubber, and...fastball, bounced right to short. Lugo fields, throws a strike across to Frank Thomas, and that will do it. The White Sox can breathe a huge sigh of relief as they give up six unanswered runs, but with a seven-run cushion, still come away with a 7-6 win."

And to think, I was just going to type, "Up seven, we flip the switch to auto-pilot and coast on to our fifty-second victory." Sure, this drove me completely insane, but...winning this sort of game builds character. And we definitely need character, since we obviously can't count on outclassing the opposing nine for nine.



CHW 7 MIN 6

WP: J. Rauch (5-6) - 6.2 IP, 7 H, 4 R, 3 BB, 6 K, 114 pitches (Oops...no wonder his elbow hurts. He'll have to hit the DL, which means we'll need a pitcher. Hmmm...Chris Scarborough just got his third AA win. No, no...I'll find someone else.)
LP: B. Sheets (6-7) - 3 IP, 8 H, 7 R
S: J. Roa (11) - 2 IP, 4 H, 1 R (Don't care, he got the job done, and that's all that counts. Isn't it?)

Game Ball Goes To... I can say this now, since we won -- six shutout innings from the Hankies' bullpen. Juan Rincon went two and two-thirds, but credit also deserves to go to Messrs. Johnson, Fultz, Feliciano, and Crain. Good thing it was all in vain, or else I really might've gone insane.

[Vris]

You're over .500 for the second half of the season, right? I mean, you have to be. This turnaround is amazing. With these scrubs you shouldn't be winning at all.

All right, by now you know I'm just giving you a hard time (thought'd I'd clear that up for the mods about to ban me), but you have to pat yourself on the back and realize that you are winning with the Chicago White Sox, and not your grandfather's grandfather's Chicago White Sox. You know, the one's who last won a World Series before the Big Bang. Impeccable turnaround. I'm not saying you're going to win the division, but you could finish in 4th. Imagine that.

Congrats on The Russian (I get chills and flashbacks from Rocky just typing that...The Russian is cut!) winning the POTW. How many awards is that for the Pale Hose? And am I using too many boldings and italics? I need to know these things.

[UngratefulDead]

My Padres are winning too much. Any objections to me starting a loser dynasty a la (and by a la, I mean blantant ripping off) your Pale Hose?

Seriously, I'm bored. Want to restate how you started these guys off, so I don't have to dig through your babble on the first few pages?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

You're over .500 for the second half of the season, right? I mean, you have to be. This turnaround is amazing. With these scrubs you shouldn't be winning at all.

Indeed, yeah, I agree.

Originally Posted by Vris

All right, by now you know I'm just giving you a hard time (thought'd I'd clear that up for the mods about to ban me)

Where are the mods? The mods, damn it! The rules...!

Originally Posted by Vris

but you have to pat yourself on the back and realize that you are winning with the Chicago White Sox, and not your grandfather's grandfather's Chicago White Sox. You know, the one's who last won a World Series before the Big Bang. Impeccable turnaround. I'm not saying you're going to win the division, but you could finish in 4th. Imagine that.

I'd never have thought so either. And why don't we ever hear about the curse of the Pale Hose?

Originally Posted by Vris

Congrats on The Russian (I get chills and flashbacks from Rocky just typing that...The Russian is cut!) winning the POTW. How many awards is that for the Pale Hose? And am I using too many boldings and italics? I need to know these things.

Thanks -- that was our first award, actually. Oh well. And no, you can't ever use too many boldings and italics. bUt iF yOu eVeR sTaRt tYpInG lIkE tHiS, tHeN wE hAvE a pRoBlEm. Boy, that was a pain in the ass. Anyway, thanks for the fine comment.

Originally Posted by UngratefulDead

My Padres are winning too much. Any objections to me starting a loser dynasty a la (and by a la, I mean blantant ripping off) your Pale Hose?

Seriously, I'm bored. Want to restate how you started these guys off, so I don't have to dig through your babble on the first few pages?

Ha ha -- you know, I almost broke my self-imposed ban on all smilies but the trademark -- that was pretty funny. But...let's see, I started off by doing the same thing I used to do in my 'craptastic' Mogul days (as you're probably well aware with the mouse-over capabilities on this board), simulating a year and looking for a lousy team. And by lousy -- I'm picky. I wanted a team with a lousy minor league system, a lousy major league club, and, if preferable, a high payroll. A true rebuilding project. After simulating another year, I found the Pale Hose, who fit all three qualifications, and somehow, here we are.

I'd hate to see you give up your Friars dynasty (blue, huh? [smiley]), but if you're bored -- well, I know the feeling (not with this, of course -- Hacktastic Julio can't possibly be boring -- but in the past, I've had leagues that I just gave up on). Something else might just strike your interest the right way. So long as you don't ignore your little "Face the Board" in OT...

But, as always, if you (or anyone) have any other questions, feel free. Heck, we could turn this into a psuedo-FTB -- outside of OT. Of course, that'd probably bring the mods in here, and we can't have that...

[cknox0723]

You know, a week or three ago, I was going to make a comment about how we've been lucky to avoid the injury bug, and how that'd probably bite us big next year. Well, it's still going to, but it's reared its head now, too. Jon Rauch has deflated a bit, tweaking something in his elbow, and so he joins Schizophrenic Jorge and Ramon Vazquez in the infirmary, though both of them will be back within a few days. Still, we're down to three healthy starting pitchers (and Rick Ankiel, but I'm still a little gunshy about putting him in the rotation, not to mention the fact that he's supposedly nursing a day-to-day injury)

This isn't 1900, so that ain't gonna fly for too long. Tempting as it'd be to bring up Chris Scarborough, who just won his third AA start, I've instead decided to go to 23 year old Travis Foley, who's had the most success of any of our AAA pitchers. It's relative -- he's 9-9 with a 3.99 ERA, but his WHIP's OK, at 1.17, and...yeah, that's about the extent of good stuff I can say about him. But I tried, at least.

Luckily, we won't have to worry about saying more good things about him until a few days from now, because Esteban Loaiza ready to go today. Well, he's better than Travis Foley, at least. And apparently he's also better than The Chico Punk, my third-favorite player (not really, ha ha), Kyle Lohse. I can't explain that, but this is an alternate reality, so maybe there's some strange definition of logic at work here, where "better" means "worse", or...

Once in a while, though, scout Quent Moore earns his keep, and maybe this is just one of those times. Juan Uribe, giving The Hacktastic One a day off, starts the ballgame off with a base hit to left, and D.Y. thumps a flat 3-1 fastball off the wall in right for a two-bagger. Second and third, no one out, it's looking like Mr. Moore might need a raise. Maggs is all over a 1-1 fastball...but hits a howitzer right back at Lohse, who somehow gloves it. One down. Brad Fullmer takes his turn, and drives a shot to right-center...but it hangs up long enough for Spiderman to trap it in his web. Uribe tags and scores, but The Element (thanks endgame!) hits a grounder to short, and that's the -- no, nope, Alex Cintron muffs it, and the inning continues...long enough for Enrique Wilson to strike out, ending the inning beyond all doubt. All that, and only one run, but it's one run more than we had, I guess.

And one run might just be enough with Esteban Loaiza on the bump.

Not convincing, huh? I didn't think so, either, but Loaiza's perfect in the first, with the only hiccup, if you could call it that, a long fly ball to right off of Corey Koskie's bat that gives me five seconds' pause, but by that time, it ends up in Buddha's glove, and the inning's over.

Joe Crede doubles to start the second, and our best efforts to strand him fail, as a sacrifice by Loaiza gives Juan Uribe a shot to bring home a run with a sacrifice fly, and he does just that. D.Y. hits a comebacker, so again we only get a run, but 1+1 = 2, and 2+1 = 3, and...

The bottom of the frame's notable for an Alex Cintron ground out which ends the frame and leaves Jason Bartlett on base, as well as the chuckle-worthy line of:

"Spiderman can't believe it!"

That comes up when Torii Hunter gets called out on strikes. Ah, for all of the crap we give the play-by-play...

We alternate hits and outs over the first five batters of the third inning, which of course means that the third hitsman, Joe Crede, gets an RBI when Maggs trots home on his base knock to right. Jason LaRue fouls out to end the inning, but so far, my kindergarden math is working out. 3-0.

Loaiza rocks the vote in the bottom of the frame, striking out Larry Walker (just call him 'Swinger'), The Chico Punk Lohse, and then Shannon "MVP" Stewart. And all over Chicago, milk cartons are being printed with the message:

MISSING:

Portly Mexican native. Approximately six foot four, two hundred pounds. Brown eyes, bearded and mustachioed. Enjoys causing indigestion and long walks on the beach. May suffer from whiplash. Last seen with the aliens that possess Juan Uribe.

Loaiza makes a quick out to begin the fourth, but The Aliens draw a walk, D.Y. laces a single, and Maggs draws a free pass to load the bases. Brad Fullmer punches a single to left, and Shannon Stewart's my ragdoll, because he can't cut down D.Y. at the plate. That chases Lohse, who I don't dislike anymore, mostly because we've battered him around like a fish twice in a row. Raul Gonzalez hits a ground ball to score us a sixth run, and Enrique whiffs again, but just like yesterday, we can coast now.

Ha ha ha. I crack myself up sometimes. Dr. Jekyll apparently thought it was pretty funny, too, because he allows hits to Mauer and Koskie to start the bottom of the fourth, leading to the recall of some 50,000 gallons of milk. But Mr. Loaiza comes back, and two fly balls later, the runners haven't moved. Jason Bartlett, the Chone Figgins of our time, can't catch up to some 92 mile an hour cheddar, and I'm getting a good feeling about this one.

Joe Crede doubles to right, his third hit of the game, to start the fifth in fine fashion, but he doesn't advance beyond there nor collect $200. Loaiza cruises through the fifth thanks to a momentary homage to the pitching style of Derek Lowe, and we move on to the sixth frame and the third Minnesota pitcher, Juan Rincon, ALDS Hero. D.Y. greets him with double number thirty-one, though, to steal the trite yet applicable line, "not in this game -- that would be a record". Maggs swats a single to left and of course Danny Pasqua is waving D.Y. home. Shannon Stewart's fling is there in plenty of time (D.Y. never was the fleetest of foot), but that's no problem for The Mad Russian, who runs over Joe Mauer in his dash home, knocking the ball loose and the Twins' catcher down for the count.

That'd be an awfully poetic way to end the game, adding injury to insult, but of course, it doesn't. The actual ending is rather irrelevant, as we tack on another run to make it 8-0, and though Dr. Jekyll shows up in the sixth and allows three runs, Joe Crede makes sure there's no doubt about this one by hitting a 450 plus foot moon shot in the next frame.

And like the Supremes , the hits just keep on coming, and with them, we make a few polite nods at the team record books in the last few frames. Crede has a shot for the cycle in an eighth-inning at-bat, but of course he raps into a double play. Well, that's some kind of cycle, for sure -- this kind? I hope not -- I don't even wish that on Joe Crede. Ouch.

D.Y. ropes his fifth hit in the ninth, and that plates our thirteenth and final run. It's more than enough to, as the play-by-play would say, "beat Minnesota" -- we didn't just beat them, we beat them into submission. Sit down, Twinsies! OK, now roll over...



CHW 13 MIN 5

WP: E. Loaiza (6-13) - 6 IP, 8 H, 3 R, 0 BB, 7 K (It's almost too bad -- I was wondering if we'd have a starter besides Buehrle win more than 5 games. I've got my answer, and who am I kidding with the faux-disappointment? Not only has Loaiza won more than five, he's had five strong outings in a row. Maybe there's something to this Dr. Jekyll thing after all.)
LP: K. Lohse (9-10) - 3.1 IP, 7 H, 6 R (Chico, huh?)

Game Ball Goes To... While Dmitri Young had another great performance, this was Joe Crede's day, strange a sound as that is. Two doubles, one very long home run, and a single, as well as a big reason why D.Y. kept getting the opportunity to smack singles and doubles. Eighteen hits, though. That's more than just one or two guys. Must be the new maple bats.

[UngratefulDead]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

Ha ha -- you know, I almost broke my self-imposed ban on all smilies but the trademark -- that was pretty funny. But...let's see, I started off by doing the same thing I used to do in my 'craptastic' Mogul days (as you're probably well aware with the mouse-over capabilities on this board), simulating a year and looking for a lousy team. And by lousy -- I'm picky. I wanted a team with a lousy minor league system, a lousy major league club, and, if preferable, a high payroll. A true rebuilding project. After simulating another year, I found the Pale Hose, who fit all three qualifications, and somehow, here we are.

I'd hate to see you give up your Friars dynasty (blue, huh? [smiley]), but if you're bored -- well, I know the feeling (not with this, of course -- Hacktastic Julio can't possibly be boring -- but in the past, I've had leagues that I just gave up on). Something else might just strike your interest the right way. So long as you don't ignore your little "Face the Board" in OT...

I figure I can alternate between playing games with my Friars (Happy? Sienna? I didn't even know that was a color..) and whatever new team I choose.

Anyway, so, you simulate one or two years? And are you playing with all ratings hidden, including speed and fielding?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by UngratefulDead

I figure I can alternate between playing games with my Friars (Happy? Sienna? I didn't even know that was a color..) and whatever new team I choose.

Anyway, so, you simulate one or two years? And are you playing with all ratings hidden, including speed and fielding?

That works. And yes, sienna is a color -- you don't like crayons, huh?

With Mogul, there were a few times where I simulated five or ten or fifteen years -- that could be kind of different, maybe. But yeah, it was two years in this case -- and no ratings on whatsoever.

EDIT (OK, not really): Hello to the two fellas reading this as I got on here, one whose user name began with 'a' and one with 'b'. You know who you are. It's an OOTP alphabet soup!

[cknox0723]

We go for the sweep tonight (and you can't believe how badly I wanted to type that in all caps and with thirty-six e's, but I have to keep some shred of credibility, right?), but it'll be a tough road. The Hankies have a solid man on the mound in 25 year old Doug Waechter, who they shrewdly picked up off the scrap heap after two solid seasons. They'll be the ones to foot his bill at arbitration-raised prices, but he's a fine pitcher, and Terry Ryan deserves plenty of credit for his acquisition. The only question I have is how you'd pronounce his last name -- "Wok-ter"? "Wek-ter"? "Watch-ter?

There's a nickname in there somewhere, but I can't find it. Nickname or no, the 25 year old starts his eighth outing of the season in fine fashion, setting us down in order. Jon Garland -- oh, did I not mention that he was making his twenty-fifth start of the season? Unintentional, really. A mere oversight. Anyway, Jon Moo has a slight blip when he issues a two-out walk to Mike Cuddyer, but Torii Hunter swings through a nasty one-two breaking ball and we're on to the second.

The second inning proceeds much like the first frame, with Frank Thomas leading off and hitting a high pop fly to left for out number one. But then Wek-Wak-Wok-ter leaves a 1-0 changeup up in the zone, and The Element crushes it to right-center. Torii Hunter fights the good fight, even shoots a web out of his glove, but it's all in vain, as Gonzalez's blast clears the wall to give us a 1-0 lead. Joe Crede, fresh off yesterday's monster game, bounces to third, and Julio Lugo, who wouldn't know a monster game if it bit him in the ass, takes a called strike three to end the inning.

Matthew LeCroy, eighth in the league in quadrangles with 23, steps in to begin the bottom of the second, takes a mighty hack at Garland's third pitch, and connects, hitting a shot that increases his quadrangle total to 24. Tie game. Thanks for dashing my dreams, Jon. Why don't you just rip off the Easter Bunny's costume while you're at it?

If nothing else, Garland gets through the inning without allowing anything more besides his second walk, and so we're tied at one.

No scoring in the third, as Wek-Wak-Wok has no trouble with our eight, nine, and one hitters (can Juan Uribe really be called a 'one hitter', even if he is batting first in the order?), and Garland has no trouble beyond a fastball that nips Shannon Stewart in the bud. He's all sorts of wild today...surprise? And how I'd like to nip Julio Lugo in the bud -- can't wait to hit the 'Proceed to Next Season' button and do just that!

D.Y. extends the streak of games in which he's gotten at least one hit to 10 with a lined shot up the middle to lead off the fourth. Maggs flies out, but The Big Hurt draws a free pass and we've got two on for the man responsible for our lone run. R-Gonz also draws a walk, and the bases are loaded for Joe Crede, that jackass. But he hit the sh*t out of the ball yesterday!

"The two-one...fastball, ripped back through the box, base hit! Young will score...Thomas is chugging home, Hunter is going to try to throw him out, and...he rifles a perfect strike home and Bowen...hangs on to, and that'll give the Twins out number two. But the Sox still score their second run, and they'll have two men in scoring position for Julio Lugo."

Who, of course, stares at a 2-2 slider that's right over the heart of the freaking plate. If I start calling him .214 Means Frequent Contact, you think that'll help?

The Pig Wrestler leads off the fourth for Minnesota, hoping to slam his second long ball, but he settles for a solid single to right. Here goes the lead...

But much to my amazement, Alex Cintron follows by rapping a bouncer right to Juan Uribe, and he and The Hacktastic One turn a picturesque double play. Jay Bartlett raps another one to Uribe, and that'll be four.

The eight, nine, and one hitters go down without a peep for both sides in the fifth, and we're down to the last four innings. I feel like Joe Torre, but maybe not.

Wek-Wak-Wok-Wik gets comebackers from D.Y. and Maggs to make the smell of bitter almonds waft through the air, but perhaps trying too hard to get a third bouncer back to him, getting his name in some record book, he aims a 2-1 changeup, rather than throwing it. I was guilty of that back in my pitching days, and every time you miss -- BAM! Now imagine missing with Frank Thomas at the bat. BAM! 3-1. Fifth straight year (and fourteen out of fifteen) in which Thomas has had a double digit number in the 'HR' column. Wek-Wak-Wok, completely dismayed that his dailliance with the "three-comebackers-in-an-inning" portion of the record books is no more, half-heartedly throws a first-pitch slider to The Element, and Raul Gonzalez turns it into helium, crushing a shot to right for his second home run of the ballgame. Joe Crede lines out, finally ending what had looked like a quick inning, but now we've got a nice lead despite just five hits.

Garland, still with a reasonably low pitch count, makes Rob Bowen (Joe Mauer's replacement up from AAA), Mike Cuddyer, and Torii Hunter oink like pigs in the sixth, not even letting a ball out of the infield. Just call him Jon "Flank Steak" Garland.

The Hacktastic One strokes a single on what would be Doug Waechter's final pitch, and left-handed Pedro Feliciano is Ron Gardenhire's choice coffee. Jason LaRue lines out, and I hesitate all of four seconds before telling Brian Buchanan to grab a bat. Garland grouses a bit, and for a second, I almost say, "Sorry Jon, I know you were feeling good today...", but I regain my senses and utter the witty retort:

"Garland, do you realize that on the first of this month, you had exactly three wins?"

What can you say to that? Not..a...word. Ha! I win the hypothetical-hypothetical argument, and I'm right, anyway, because...

Buchs, lefty-masher that he is, doesn't let a two-strike count get in the way of lining a single, and in a daring move, I signal for Danny Pasqua to call for a double steal. Julio Lugo beats the throw down to third by an eyelash, and that enables Juan Uribe's fly out to bring home a run. D.Y. doubles to plate Buchs, and it takes a diving play from Jason Bartlett to halt the scoring at six.

Since Maggs made the last out of the seventh, I keep Buchs in and give Buddha some time for meditation, putting Aki Otsuka in his place. Boy, did that enrage the OOTP Gods...

The inning starts with Otsuka flubbing a ball hit right back to him, and then panicking and throwing the ball into the seats, giving Matt LeCroy not only first base but second. Alex Cintron singles, and it's 6-2. Big deal, right? Jason Bartlett follows with a hit, but Larry Walker whiffs for out number one.

Strategist Ron Gardenhire sends up Lew Ford for the pitcher's slot, and he laces a single to right. 6-3. No big deal, and when his next choice is Corey Koskie (instead of MVP Shannon Stewart? hmmm...), I counter with Mike Gallo. Except Gallo, who I might never call Carlton again for fear of a defamation of character suit, throws a meatball and Koskie whacks it into the right field corner. 6-4, second and third, one out. I consider throwing something on the field, but don't, and watch Rob Bowen (uh, WHO THE F*CK IS HE, ANYWAY?) line a base hit to right. Both run score, and we're tied. I knew this bullpen by committee statheadzzz sh*t didn't work in the playoffs regular season!

I stick with Gallo, and he finally does something right, inducing Mike Cuddyer to tap one back to him. Two out, Bowen at second, Spiderman at the plate. It's Roa time, boys and girls.

"Roa, from the stretch...his first pitch is a fastball, lined to left past Lugo for a base hit! Bowen rounds third, he's co -- NO, he slipped rounding third and he'll have to scramble back...just in time! Oh, what a break for the White Sox, as the lead run for Minnesota falls down eighty feet from tying the game!"

And Roa, with a pardon from the governor, throws some nasty breaking stuff to Matt LeCroy, who hits a weak ground ball to third. Joe Crede fires it on across the diamond for the third out of the inning -- and we've given up five runs and really f***ed things up pretty badly -- but we're not losing.

That really means something to me. These guys have really shown me something.

"One out, Gonzalez at first after a walk, Joe Crede at the plate in an 0-2 hole. The left-hander Aaron Fultz to the set..Bowen pounds his mitt. Crede digs in, and here comes the pitch...sinker, up in the zone and hammered to right! Ford going back...he leaps...but it's over his head and off the wall in one big hop! Gonzalez rounding third and coming home, and the relay in will...go to second, not in time to get Crede. It's a ribbie double for Joe Crede, and the Sox regain the lead, 7-6!"

The Hacktastic One then singles to right and ends up on third. How? Well, Lew Ford makes an attempt to throw out Crede that goes in vain, and that brings on Joe Nathan, who concentrates on Jason LaRue, enabling Lugo to swipe third. It's all for naught, as The Mime strikes out and Brian Buchanan bounces out, but maybe The Hacktastic One has his uses after all.

Roa is brilliant against the bottom portion of the Minnesota order in the latter half of the eighth frame, allowing three ground balls. When the middle of those three, hit by Josh Rabe, makes its way through the infield, Roa responds with the third, a fielder's choice off of Casey McGehee's bat, and then a strikeout of Lew Ford to end the inning, putting us three outs away from a sweep. Now I really do feel like Joe Torre!

Uribe and Young bow down quickly in the ninth in deference to Jesse "Whooping Crain", and I bite my lip and let Roa, who's thrown sixteen pitches, end the inning with a strikeout. All we've got in the 'pen are P.J. Bevis and Kiko Calero, both of whom have pitched the last two nights (Bevis the last three), and the mop-up men, Hummel and Ankiel (who's probably in the rotation at this point).

Realizing this, and apparently worried that I don't think enough of him already, Roa comes out gangbusters in the bottom of the ninth. Corey Koskie grounds out, Rob Bowen grounds to short after a long at-bat, and we're one out away.

Then Michael Cuddyer doubles into the left-field corner. Uh, that's not supposed to happen...!

Representing the tying run, Spiderman works a two-one count. Time to be an (anti)hero, Torii!

"The two-one pitch from Roa...slider, bounced right back to the mound! Roa squeezes it securely, takes three steps over toward first, and lofts it to Frank Thomas. Out number three, out number twenty-seven, and that gives the White Sox an 8-6 victory and a three-game road sweep of Minnesota."

Now, were you really worried that Joe Roa would blow the game? Well, I'll admit, that seventh inning had me worried, but...one for thirty-four with inherited runners! That's one number I won't get my head out of the spreadsheet for...



CHW 8 MIN 6

WP: J. Roa (8-1) - 2.1 IP, 3 H, 0 R
LP: A. Fultz (4-5)

Game Ball Goes To... Profuse apologies to Jon Garland, for not only blowing his sixth win but for shafting him here as well, but Raul Gonzalez had another huge day, with a pair of long balls, a pair of walks, and three runs scored. 'Roids, baby, 'roids...

[MattStewNYY]

Just thought I'd let you know you've drawn me into your dynasty report.

Good job so far, keep it up!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by MattStewNYY

Just thought I'd let you know you've drawn me into your dynasty report.

Good job so far, keep it up!

Thanks Matt Stew Fellow Non-Yankee Hater!

Anyone know why there's 16 people in the dynasty forums right now? Cleveland Spiders...something?

[canadiancreed]

they want soemthing that isnt about politics and came here to get a taste of what real writing is like?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by canadiancreed

they want soemthing that isnt about politics and came here to get a taste of what real writing is like?

[stupid smiley] Thanks creed, and good point. I'd write more, but the computer's basically gone to hell - it'll be all I can do just to get the actual post down. Hopefully this crap will fix itself.

An off day, at a point where we've won five straight and eight of nine. Figuring I'd throw some stats down (last time 'til year's end, hurrah!), and pulling out all the stops, also included (in parantheses) are each player's change in the respective categories since we last visited this little chart, in mid-June. Changes are in points, not percentages -- that's Gordy's forte, not mine -- and all stats are only those accrued in the Pale Hose. After reading this, you'll wonder how in the hell we're 54-67. I still am.

PLAYER		PA	AVG.	OBP.	SLG.	OTHER
M. Ordonez	454	.291	.351	.487	(-16, -12, -76) trending downward all year, but +.400 OBP this month
J. Lugo		451	.217	.270	.308	(-15, -1, -20) best fielding SS in AL, at least
D. Young	440	.309	.361	.455	(-17, -22, -34) fifth in AL with 31 doubles
J. Crede	329	.234	.276	.389	(-11, -8, -5) .236 OBP vs. RHP
J. Borchard	324	.219	.267	.358	(+30, +22, +70) .371 OPS (yes, OPS) vs. LHP
F. Thomas	258	.221	.316	.372	(+17, +6, +87) 15 ribbies in August
B. Fullmer	235	.234	.312	.366	(-50, -42, -12) .319/.383/.536 w/ RISP, so he's clutch, I guess
E. Wilson	210	.257	.302	.338	(0, +24, +81) .273 avg. vs. RHP
R. Vazquez	206	.243	.315	.350	(-64, -39, -130) 2-29 vs. LHP
J. Uribe	205	.224	.259	.356	(+31, +48, +62) anemic OBP, but .398 SLG vs. RHP
J. LaRue	157	.217	.256	.318	.200 OBP since June
M. Olivo	156	.269	.286	.404	(+4, +25, +7) 30 strikeouts, 3 walks, but you take what you can 
J. Reed		154	.240	.273	.422	big drops in everything due to a 3-30 slump, hasn't been back since
M. Piazza	147	.156	.205	.197	Beautiful
B. Buchanan	 91	.275	.377	.484	(-84, -67, -208) the life of a lefty-masher
R. Gonzalez	 76	.342	.432	.618	career high in home runs in 76 at-bats

Others: M. Buerhle 7-57 (.123), J. Garland 3-47 (.064), E. Loaiza 6-45 (.133), J. DePaula 1-34 (.029), J. Rauch 5-30 (.167), c.f. chen 2-18 (.111, 1 HR)

As for those who use their arms for something other than a coat rack...

PLAYER		IP	ERA	OTHER
M. Buehrle     184.1	2.78	"5-1 in May...heating up fast" -- guess I got that one right
E. Loaiza      157.0	5.04	ERA of 6.38 back in June, so...
J. Garland     147.0	4.16	WHIP of 1.59, meaning that he's really not any good -- but we knew that
J. DePaula     129.2	4.51	8 K/9 has dropped to 7, and he really isn't Good Jorge, but other than that...
J. Rauch	91.0	4.85	Mark Fidrych Alert -- 4.4 K/9
J. Roa		72.0	2.88	Has stranded 33 of 34 inherited runners, saved 11 games and won 8
P.J. Bevis	53.1	5.57	Without the Wreck in Texas (TM), that ERA is 3.79
K. Calero	50.0	4.14	9.5 K/9, but 5 BB/9 as well
A. Otsuka	40.2	4.87	Didn't allow a run in 13 July innings
R. Ankiel	37.2	5.73	4 runs allowed in 19.2 innings in the second half
M. Gallo	31.0	4.65	"not a LOOGY - a fine reliever" -- remind me to shut up once in a while, will ya?
S. Takatsu	27.1	8.89	An impressive 11.33 component ERA, too
N. Cornejo	23.1	8.87	Nope, still don't miss his 2.19 WHIP
J. Adkins	11.2	8.49	"Good riddance, part deux"
R. Hummel	11.2	7.71	But he has a save!
F. Diaz		 9.0   12.00	4 home runs allowed in 9 innings -- I thought only E. Loaiza could do that!

Others: M. Kaiser 3.1 IP (21.60 ERA), R. Meaux 3.0 IP (24.00 ERA), E. Wilson 2.0 IP (0.00 ERA, of course), B. Whitaker 1.1 IP (54.00 ERA), J. Uribe 1.1 IP (20.26 ERA, of course)

Back home we go, with Ramon Vazquez in tow, but c.f. chen's a no-show. Hope this series with the Felines is just more of the status quo.