Mage League Bloodball

[hawaiiansky]

[hawaiiansky]

Munchday - Peril 13,2601

Hysterikan League

Screwloose, Misseri

Something had to be done – food, team pride(?), threats, and even bonus greenskins hadn’t worked. Manager Frogrin Fleamhand decided to light a fire under his 0-6 Fatlickers. Fortunately there was a retired and mead-soused torturer from the Imperial Army in the city just itching to earn a few extra greenbacks for his golden years. Ah, the smell of burning flesh in the clubhouse was just the incentive to get Fleamhand’s poor buggers excited about taking on a team almost as inept as his, the Screwloose Frowns. Even during the game, the hooded torturer sat in the dugout keeping his tongs hot on a bed of coals.

The Fats appeared to be on fire themselves in the 1^st - a leadoff single by CF Primpie, a double by 3B Patchbar and a sod kicking out rbi by Newville provided a one run margin for SP Morewise for 4 innings … anyway. In the 5^th, Axehunter tied the game 1-1 with a timely single. In the 7^th, the Dwarfs took a 3-1 lead when Gemcut hit a two-run blaster (389’) into the elfield stands Fleamhand pulled Morewise. His hooded freebooter with tongs aglow moved inside the clubhouse and Morewises' bloodcurdling cries could be heard outside. The fearful Fatlickers got one back on Butterbur’s clutch single in the 8^th off SP Boltsmiter.

The 9^th – Mancho Digspetal singled off Boltsmiter, and he was bunted to sockembase by Primpie and to third on another bunt by Patchbar. Firestarter Boltshaman struck out Lonfin Neewort, but Peroibo Neewort (no relation) hit a long dragonfly which tied it all up 3-3.

It was a nail-biter for the next 5 innings (Chewing their own nails, the Halflings enjoyed even that mini-snack) with neither team seemingly willing or able to win it. Top of the 15^th and the score was still locked up 3-3, Patchlock (.250,0,1rbi) doubled with one out and Digspetal slammed a crossbolt one-bagger to elfield for his third hit of the game ; Patchlock scampered all the way home for what turned out to be the winning run. Reliever Proudberry (1-0,1.04,6K) put the Frowns down 1-2-3 in the bottom of the inning, and the Fatlickers had won their first game of the season in a thriller.

The Fats bullpen had saved the day allowing a single hit over the last 8 innings and zero runs – pretty impressive for these midgets. The Fats acted like they had won the Weird Series – jumping and belching and hugging each other – probably more out of relief than anything else since they noticed that the hired hooded man had turned his back on the celebrants and left Shiv Park with mead-money grasped in his claws. Fleamhand stuffed the man’s address in his pocket for future reference.

[hawaiiansky]

Munchday - Peril 13, 2601

Hysterikan League

Slashington, DK

The Yanknecks are in the middle of a 14-game roadkill trip so-called because they sap bloodballer energy, damage their health from gorging themselves on bad hotel restaurant grub, and usually kill a team in the standings.

Even though the Necks had won 5 of 6 on the road, there were signs of decay. New Ork had swung back to the Beast Coast to take on the Slashington Gnashnails after losing their last game to the Frowns. Yankneck SP Lerg Ironrunner (101, 3.46, 8K) sporting a perfect 0.00 ERA was conked by a solo shot by Lakedeer (.276, 1, 1rbi) in the 1^st followed by back-to-back two baggers and a single, and the bone-weary Yankecks were behind 3-0. Elf SP Narariand Calmwit (2-0, 1.69, 4k) used his cliff diving speedball to confound the Necks through 7 innings with the Nails leading 5-2.

Songshade flung the last two. In the 9^th, behind 5-3, Roil Kragpick groundhogged a double into elfield to raise hopes for New Ork. With two on and two out and a 3-2 vampire count, Giantkiller drooled out to 2B Lakedeer who threw to 1B Rainglitter for the third out. Two losses in a row for New Ork (5-2).

Dathroat, Mashagain

Beautiful skies in the Odor City made the pasty-white faces of the Dark Elf Fright Sox and the horrifying pusses of the Ogre Tuskers disgustingly exceptionally clear to hellevison fans in their hovels.

The Tuskers gored Hate Lakes’ rival Quikargo flinging for four runs in the homely 3^rd, a crossbolt triple into centaur by Varget the Villainous (.435, 2, 9rbi) knocking in two. Varget sent a skyrocket into the elfield seats for another two ribeyes off SP Breakrod, and it was 6-0. C Demontraveller (.333, 2, 9rbi) hit one out for the Sox in the 6^th.


Adonizet Demontraveller

SP Orghrot the Ghastly (1-1, 6.75. 8K) with a mediocre assortment of flings nevertheless flung a four-hitter over 7.2 innings. Warrag the Hapless (0-0, 0.00, 4K) managed a second save on consecutive days. The thunderous Tuskers (two wins straight) in 3^rd place pulled within a game of 1^st.

[Thundercrack]

This may be the most creative thing I've ever seen on here. Sorry if I missed it, but how do you keep the "races" from joining other teams through trades, etc. Is everything done manually?

[hawaiiansky]

Originally Posted by Thundercrack

This may be the most creative thing I've ever seen on here. Sorry if I missed it, but how do you keep the "races" from joining other teams through trades, etc. Is everything done manually?

Thanks for your comment and watching the action unfold. I just wanted to imagine what Blood Bowl would be like if I set baseball in the US using fantasy races. Hopefully there’s a lot more for me to find out (and write-up) about what the bloodball world is like. Part of the fun is making my own bloodball lingo – grabbers, cliff diving speedballs, spinach-hitter, etc. – for play-by-play and game reports, creating bloodball cards, and writing .

Simple. When I set up the game, each race was its own nation -eight in all. Then in Rules, I set No Foreigners allowed. That way trades can only be made between the same race; this restricts trades between one team in the Hysterikan League and one in the Irrational League. The mager league team also can draw players from its six miner league affiliates or trade with the other same race team’s six miner league teams. That makes for few trades, but I wanted same race teams (the Orcs, the Elves, etc). Since there is no free agents either, the lineups will have the same bloodballers except when the many injuries occur.That way I can get to know the teams and individual players better.

[Thundercrack]

thanks for the reply.

[hawaiiansky]

Munchday – Peril 13,2601

Irrational League

Killerelfia, Painsylvania

The Sudsgeyser Beer Company had their massive four stallion-drawn beer wagon accompanied by three spotted black and white Damnation dogs on the field of Shiv Park prior to the game with the visiting Quikargo Klubs. A few fans had been invited down in the field to ride the wagon as it paraded around the diamond. Sudsgeyser has been called “The Tinge of Beers” because its alleged content is mostly suds which spurts out when opened, and it is losing the beer battle to Spitz and Killer Low-life. The Merchants Guild thought it would be an excellent way to promote the brewery especially on hellevision. Whether it was a blue-liceman’s smoothbore pistol going off, a fireworks popping in the grandstand or more likely a loud guttural grunt by an Ogre bloodballer from the Klubs, the result was startled horses and a stampeding vehicle out of control trampling city dignataries, sportscribes, a dog or two, and even an unlucky grumpire. The speeding wagon overturned and the casualties mounted.

Sad to say, but the game of bloodball must go on regardless, and once the carnage was expunged by a reluctant groundscreeper crew, the game started in earnest. Perhaps it was an omen thought the superstitious Killerelfia manager, Finbo Tophand. He wasn’ t over-concerned about the casualties, however.


Mgr. Filbo Tophand - Yereth the Sorrowful

In his first at bat in the mager leagues in the 2^nd, Philbelly Siloroik Ashfinder blasted a homerun with one aboard to make it 2-0 Killerelfia. It was the first and only homer so far for the entire Killerelfia team in fact. Yereth the Sorrowful (.348, 3,5rbi) matched it exactly in the 3^rd; this one a cannon shot (471’) into centaurfield –game tied 2-2.

In the 4^th Ogre SP Nazan the Odd walked two batters and one scored. Killerelfia 3 Dathroat 2. Killerelfia SP Undersnake didn’t fool Barrot the Strange with a changeling, and the grabber belted it for a double. He eventually scored on a sacrifice fly to knot the game 3-3.


Tisiryet Undesnake - Barott the Strange

It also knotted the stomach of Philbelly Manager Tophand. Finbo then recalled that tragedy earlier which he had conveniently erased from his mind. Could it have foreshadowed another defeat?

Extra innngs. Yereth the Sorrowful spat a little Hexes lunger into centaur that CF Falconmaster couldn’t reach. Tarak the Crazed threw himself at the fling by Undersnake and bunted Yereth to sockembase. Mgr. Tophand strode to the mound to give Undersnake some encouraging words. He should have encouraged his grabber Starnake instead because he couldn’t handle the flinger’s next cut’n run, and the bloodball ran to the foul screen. Yereth barreled into hurtbase. Undersnake had two outs and a 2-1 count on Derghrot the Exterminator when the burly Ogre lanced a single to wightfield that made it 4-3 Klubs.

All Mgr. Tophand could hear in his head were the screams of the injured and maimed by the Sudsgeyser wagon and worse it appeared to be a precursor of another defeat!

As soon as the Elves had gone down in order in the bottom of the 10^th and the Klubs (2-5) had congratulated each other beating the Philbellies (1-6), the ESPN (Elven Sports Nation) bloodcast a Sudsgeyser beer commercial showing the trampling. Carnage of whatever kind made more sales and more greenskins for the merchants and that proved to be the case in coming weeks.

[hawaiiansky]

Munchday – Peril 13,2601

Irrational League

Screwloose, Misseri

Goblin SP Zaxt Brainfart was rocked in the 1^st for 4 runs on 5 hits by the lowly Bards. And just to show how terrible he could be, Brainfart matched his ineptitude in the 2^nd when Glosil Doomsmith (.250,2,7rbi) lanced a “glandslam” (well actually a grandslam, but that was how it felt to Zaxt) into the deep dead centaurfield bleachers. Seeing that, New Ork Mgr. Rodob Bravetaker intended to stab his starter with the silver hook, but his coaches restrained him. With Brainfart (1-2, 15.09, 9K) sent to the ice cold showers, the bullpen kept the Bards at bay. Too late. Righty thunderballer for Screwloose, Blooddigger (1-0, 5.63.3K), flung a bit better than Brainfart did (anyone would) and the Bards (2-5) held on to beat the Tyrants (4-3) 8-5.


Manager Rodob Bravetaker - SP Zaxt Brainfart


Flinger Toilir Blooddigger

Bosstown, Masshooters


Bloody-eye View of Graves Field

The Brokenlymb squad had passed by Graves Field on the Bosstown & Worser Grailroad. Claws clutching the drain windows, several Orc bloodballers realized the field was built on a rectangular plot of land like an oversized coffin. Death-chilling winds blew into the field from the nearby Quarrels River. The visiting Daggers hoped to plunge the Braves in the heart in their home park and make it a real cemetery. Nearly 29300 rabid Elf fans turned out for the home “grave” opener at Graves Field for the first of a three-game series between first place Brokenlymb and the third place home team.

Inside, wretched Graves Field had large areas of fowl territory on both sides of the diamond and hens and roosters scurried around the bloodballers during batting practice and warm-ups. The elfield fence was covered by a discordant collage of advertisements, one pasted haphazardly on another, like Spitz Beer and Plucky Cigarettes. Ratty-looking trees and grimy rooftops of aged houses could be viewed beyond the centaurfield fence only 390’ away. There was a small bleacher section in wightfield called the Curry Box, named after the popular Bosstown box lunch grub sold at the park, and its strong smell spread across the outlfield.

The Graves pounced on SP Spiritsmasher and had a 3-1 lead after one inning. Lead-off hitter 1B Elung Strongdance had clubbed the first fling out of the park 403’ in the trees behind the centaurfield fence! The Orcs chipped away at the score with their daggers including the third homer in three straight games by LF Tokar Warbreaker (.471, 3, 6rbi) in the 5^th and it was 4-3 Graves after 6 innings.

Elf Firestarter Divewit allowed two runs in the 7^th walking two clubbers, hurling a wildfire fling and giving up a single. 5-4 Daggers. Back-and-forth scoring continued the rest of the way, and it was all even 6-6 as the Daggers had their last licks in the top of the 9^th.

Firebrand Balir Flamefighter started festivities with a grasshopper that ended in wight. Speedster Mindgrinder went in to run for Flamefighter, and with Doomsmasher at bat, firestarter Starslash flung a ball way outside, and it was an easy steal for Mindgrinder who went all the way to hurtbase as the hack-up C Ashbone crushed some daisies in centaurfield trying to throw out Mindgrinder at sockembase. With the count full, Doomsmasher hit a single to wight and the Daggers lead 7-6. Another run scored on a spinach-hit single by Redbellows–Daggers 8 Graves 6. Propbronze flung the bottom of the 9^th and despite a two-out single by Rand Yellowblossom, the dramatics were over with. The Daggers (6-1) won the first game of the three-game set. The Graves (4-3) fell two games behind.


Grabber Sulad Ashbone

[hawaiiansky]

Chewsday - Peril 14, 2601

Hysterikan League

Dathroat, Mashagain

Bloody-eye View of Rigged Stadium

Perched like a fortress on the corner of Mashagain and Trouble Avenues, the ancient enclosed Rigged Stadium featured a gigantic flagpole that pierced the murky skies of Dathroat. Waving defiantly on top of the pole was a huge banner. It didn’t display any hopeful Hysterikan Union of Kingdoms or United Races of Hysterika insignia here since the united confederation of races was a political fiction that made ordinary creatures feel safe and secure. In reality, there was just a long, long truce in effect between the Orcs, Imperials and all the other races in Hysterika, and warfare did raise its ugly head from time to time in raids and massacres, and full-blow conflict was likely possible at the tip of a bloodball cap. Instead the Ogres’ freebooter flag whipped back and forth - a huge black foot overflowing with treasure and greenskins on a white background – symbol of the mercenary forces. For the present, the mayhem was confined within Rigged (or Tusker) Stadium as it was sometimes called by locals. The name “Rigged” originated from the Ogre gamblers who lurk in the stands, bet on and supposedly fix the games. Just a rumor, but no one has investigated them for fear of their lives.

There was a huge scoreboard in the centaurfield bleachers (or belcher seats after the fans who inhaled Killer Low-life Beer there), and Snotling brats typically clung to the scoreboard or sat on top precariously. Considering the game’s normal bedlam, a falling and screaming Snotling splattering himself in the bleachers below went unnoticed. If they fell on Ogre fans, they would just brush them off their shoulders like swishing flies. A two-tiered pavilion wrapped around the other parts of the stadium cutting off a visiting team’s view of the outside world (on purpose) and their escape. At the start of each game, the Klubs routinely entered Rigged Stadium in battle formation with spears shouldered, maneuvered smartly in the outfield grasses, and then charged home plate with spears leveled yelling, “Da Throat!”

The grumpire screamed out, “SLAY BALL!” And the Ogre fans collectively yelled back, “SPILL BLOOD!!”

What a glorious day for bloodball!

Today the Fright Sox speared the Tuskers’ throats immediately. In his first MLB game, SP Reremm the Clumsy had a rough first start against the Fright Sox as they brought 7 across homely plate in the 1^st and 2^nd to take a 7-0 lead.

The Ogres are too dumb to get depressed over such a commanding lead. They had an intricate strategy anyway – just whack the bloodball when you see it coming towards you. Four straight hits including a ribeye double by Durugg the Incurable (.455, 0, 3rbi) and a three-run round-the-block tripper by Tozew the Unavoidable (.296, 1, 7rbi) made it 7-4. In the 4^th, Durugg singled off SP Aruvic Dancestaff and drove another Ogre home in a wagon, and it was 7-5. Two more runs crossed the plate when Durugg doubled again and Tozew singled in the 6^th and tied it 7-7. Ogre fans grunted out their pleasure.


Durugg the Incurable - Tozew the Unavoidable

Unfortunately the Tuskers couldn’t shut the door on Quikargo; Tharatt the Gruesome was the victim of a costly throwing up error by 3b Zogark the Ugly as two runs scored, two walks, and a two-run double by the opposing reliever Ahihex Waterpanther (1-0, 0.00, 4k) , and 4 unearned runs made it 11-7 Fright Sox. At the end of the day, Durugg and Tozew couldn’t write a fairy tale ending (they’re illiterate anyway) and first place Quikargo (6-2) beat Dathroat (4-4) 12-7 stuck in 4^th.


3B Zogark the Ugly-Ahihex Waterpanther

After the last out, the Fright Sox marched away with bats shouldered imitating the Tuskers’ earlier entrance and mocked them by using them in an obscene gesture. Jeers, bottles, seats and anything throwable fell on the victorious Dark Elves from the stands.

[hawaiiansky]

Chewsday - Peril 14, 2601

Hysterikan League

Screwloose, Misseri

Screwloose hung the white sheet out! The Fatlickers (1-7) were hung out to dry as Frowns’ SP Fefur Marbletracker (1-1, 6.55, 5K) flung a five-hit whiteout 8-0. Featherweight clubber Fanar Grimquarrier (,174, 0, 4rbi) going 2 for 5 with 3 ribs led the barrage against the hapless Halflings who are digging a deeper 8^th place pit for themselves. The frothing Frowns (3-5) are a half-game out of 6^th! A sarcastic Screwloose sportscribe advised readers to buy their Weird Series tickets early!

Slashington, DK

In his debut in the MLB, Yankneck SP Birg Deatharmor (1-1, 2.57, 2K) with a middling thunderball and shift-change mesmerized the Gnashnails somehow over 7 innings allowing a mere 4 hits. Neck LF Horik Deathsmiter (.321, 3, 9rbi) staked Birg to a 2-0 lead when he homered in the 1^st. The Nails narrowed the gap 3-2 in the 6^th as Moonsinger (.407, 2, 7rbi) drove two teammates home on his wagon with a crossbolt to elfield. New Ork’s Copperhelm hammered the Nails in the 9^th knocking in two more runs to nail down the win. New Ork kept pace with Quikargo for 1^st with a 6-2 record. Slashington (4-4) is two games out.

1B Meldur Moonsinger LF Horik Deathsmiter

Bosstown, Masshooters

Dueling with pistols or swords has always been an appealing activity for the Imperials. They engaged in a duel, one between flingers at the home opener at Funslay Park in Bosstown. The Insanes’ SP Valdrick Monhein (1-1. 1.93. 6K) and the Red Pox SP Sext Ghostracker (0-2, 7.84, 5k) had matching donuts through five innings, 0-0. 2B Winand Carro (.154, 2, 5rbi) broke the spell socking a two-run homer (386’) in the 6^th and it was suddenly 2 zip Insanes. A two-out double by Madraider in the 8^th was the most serious threat, but reliever Langer came in and cured any Red Pox infection. The Insanes (4-3) held on and won it 2-0 and moved into 3^rd place.

P Valdric Monheim 2B Winand Carro


Bloody Footprints on the Racepaths (a "Sports Mutilated" comment)

The Cleavehand flinging staff has a combined 1.77 ERA, the best in the Hysterikan League. If they can improve their clubbing which is presently the worst (.221), they could become a contender to be reckoned with. The Red Pox now occupy 6^th (3-4). Bosstown isn’t hitting much better than the Insanes with a .230 average, and their flingers have a 4.80 ERA, the armpits in the league; they might be swept by Cleavehand.

Current Standings

[hawaiiansky]

Chewsday - Peril 14, 2601

Irrational League

Killerelfia, Painsylvania

They’re called snot starters – it’s like the manager is picking his nose searching for a flinger when there’s no one else available. When you find the snot, it isn’t worth the trouble! That was the case yesterday with Mgr. Filbo Tophand of the Philbellies. His so-called flinging staff has the 2^nd highest ERA in the Irrational League, so he went to his snot starter – Alotizem Starscibe. It was either him or one of the brat boys. Maybe he should have gone with one of them or flung the darn game himself!

Snot Starter Alotizem Starscribe Manager Tophand

Top of the 1^st. The snot Starscribe delivered up two passes, five hits and four runs. 4-0 Klubs. Ogre SP Kerghalt the Executioner (101, 9.45, 6K), actually a potential snot himself, handcuffed the anemic Philbelly clubbers sporting a team .193 average for 6.1 innings on 6 hits, and hoser Mazorg the Flayer with his century plus (101+mph) thunderball mopped up the dripping and drooping Killerelfia team to get his first save. It was an easy win over the careening Philbellies (1-7) 7-2. Two straight wins for the Klubs (3-5).

SP Kerghalt the ExecutionerHoser Mazorg the Flayer


The MLB: Bloody Footprints on the Racepaths (Sports Mutilated)
Current Stats for the Halfling Killerelfia Fatlicker s (1-7)

Regular Guys
1B Filibald Patchlock .250,0,1
2B Winylla Rumbleby .355,2,5
3b Filgo Patchbar .250,0,1
SS Perodoc Butterbur .250,0,2
C Droigrim Jumpsholm .241,0,1
LF Froba Newville .167,1,5
CF Giligar Primpie .231,0,0
RF Giligar Worrycleve .333,1,1

Starting Flingers
Merob Jumpgrdle 0-0,3.00,8
Frigrin Applepetal 0-2,6.17,8
Otho Morewise 0-0,2.92,2
Dredo Braceheaver 0-2.2.92,4

Bull Throwers
Frim Whitbelly 0-0,6.00,0
Ofo Bracedown 0-1,3.38,4
Belfin Proudberry 1-0,1.04,6
Regrin Millgrdle 0-2,1.00,7,2SV

[hawaiiansky]

Chewsday - Peril 14, 2601

Irrational League

Screwloose, Misseri

Two rightclawers took the mound – New Ork’s Ironstench and Screwloose’s Godsvictor. They flung beyond their middling abilities with white-eyes glowing on the scoreboard for the first three innings on a cloudy and rain-threatening night.

Tyrants’ Madkiller doubled to start the game, but that was the sole hit against Godsvictor after 4 innings of play. Ironstench was nearly as effective, but ran into trouble in the 4^th when Selin Beamfighter who had singled moved to hurtbase on his wild turkey fling. With one down and out, shirtstop Clubbeard, flew out to wight, but RF Stonechain threw wildly for an error trying to nail Beamfighter streaming home, and he scored to make it 1-0 at the end of 4. Then the clouds let loose a downpour on Shiv Park.

Centaurfielder Szakb Madkiller

When the grumpire signaled a rain delay, the Gnome groundscreepers rushed out with a rolled-up whale skin which they quickly spread across the diamond. The head-groundscreeper noticed a lump at hurtbase. Others poked at it with their rakes and realized one of their own had fallen underneath. They retrieved the sopping and still breathing creeper safe and sound, much to the disappointment of the home town crowd.

Give the joking and carefree Goblins a few minutes in the rain - sneaky and dirty being their other mood - and foolishness reigns supreme. Goblin Berng Wardeath from Malformia, an avid Horrific Ocean surfer in the off season, sawed off part of the dugout bench, hiked up his pants and removed his shirt and shoes, carried his “board” to sockembase, and “rode” the pools of water on the stretched out whaleskin. Meanwhile Bamk Bigmuck, Aridzone-spawned where rain is scarce, was shampooing his hair on top of the visitor’s dugout using his bloodball cap to catch the cascading rain and douse himself over and over.

In the visitors’ bullpen, the Red Pox bull throwers planted mindpopping seeds along the fence in the wet soil.

For the Dwarfs, the delay was an opportunity to drink more beer on tap. The beer cooler was quickly emptied, and the Screwloose bloodballers roaring at the top of their lungs began to sing old mining melodies.

Up in the bloodcast booth, Bards bloodcaster “Jackal” Bucky in his voice that sounded like two boulders scraping against each other exclaimed, ”Everyone’s gone mad down there! Gone mad! Do you believe it?”

In the Screwloose bullpen, Minotaur Coach Goldenhoof ignored the whole nonsense and worried how the delay would affect SP Goddsvictor. Manager Hinto Greenhouse had the same thought for once and rang Goldenhoof up on his hellfone. He was brief and to the point, ”Loosen up the scum!” Goldenhof shook his horns free of water droplets. He first picked up and shook and stretched Iceboot for thirty seconds and then did the same to Holymountain. The two bull throwers began flinging as fast as possible.

Mgr, Hinto Greenhouse

Nearly 40 minutes later the rain gods turned the tap off and the rain ended as suddenly as it had started. Goldenhoof and Greenhouse were right because Godsvictor got one out in the 5^th and he was finished. Iceboot was carried in, and in the 6^th allowed two hits and a run that made it 1-1. The Tyrants ‘ Ironstench managed to fling through the 6^th before he faded.

The score was still knotted in the last half of the 8^th like a reluctant groom and his bride in a blunderbuss wedding; then, the Bards had some breaks. Flinging his first inning of relief, a shaky Orc Darkyell with two out ran completely out of gas farts. Quartzkiller ripped a double off the left centaur field wall beyond the reach of CF Madkiller’s grasp. Gravelbattler walked on a 3-2 count. Darkyell bore down and flung a wild turkey, and there were runners on sockem and hurt. Darkyell lost Redsmasher on another 3-2 count. The bags were completely filled with runty, beer-smelling, beard-flowing Dwarfs. Monsterender was drilled in the shoulder, and it was 2-1 Bards. To make matters worse, Darkyell couldn’t locate a plate in a pottery store, and he walked Deepsmith on four straight (if only!) flings - it was 3-1 Screwloose and that was the ballgame. The Bards (3-5) took their second in a row from the Tyrants who slipped to 4-4.

Grabber Glanar Quartzkiller

[hawaiiansky]

Chewsday - Peril 14, 2601

Irrational League

Sinsenasty, Ohwhoa

Pieplate SP Ram Brownbuck’s boltcutter was working masterfully at Crosseye Park while Shreds SP Gottolf Bogendorf’s mix of four flaky flings wasn’t.


Flinger Gottof Bogendorf-Acehole Flinger Ram Brownbuck

Brownbuck (2-0, 1.59, 7) struck out 5 and pitched a complete 5-hit, 8-0 shuteye of the Shreds. Ram is rapidly becoming Killerelfia’s acehole (ace in the hole flinger, the go to guy for Mgr. Veserg the Desolator). On the other end of the flinging spectrum, Bogendorf (0-2, 20.57, 8) allowed all 8 runs in five miserable innings. Leading the assault was Mage League Bloodball’s leading clubber, Bobo Stonefettle, who went 3 for 4, had four ribs, and a run scored. Piggsplurgh (6-1) takes fillet of sole possession of 1^st place in the Irrational League; Sinsenasty (3-4) is 5^th on top of the second division.


Fist Baseman Bobo Stonefettle

Bosstown, Masshooters

Elf Riond Ironbull was given the nod to start the second of a three series against Brokenlymb. Making his first appearance, Ironbull, a surprise choice, has an indecent cut ‘n run and an above average knucklehead sweep. The tall wraith-like Dagger SP Sirag Doomsmith was going for his second win.


Starting Flinger Riond Ironbull

In the bottom of the 1^st, three crossbolt singles off Doomsmith and a handflub by the Goblin made it 2-0 Graves. The very next inning, Redbellow’s doubled off Ironbull and it was 2-1. After 4 innings, the Graves kept their lead 4-2 with Ironbull getting burned by a 400’ crossbolt homer by Tokar Warbreaker (.429, 4, 7), his MLB leading fourth of the year (in his fourth straight game too) to left centaur.

Brokenlymb narrowed the score 4-3 in the 6^th on a leadoff hit by Kadish Deepdigger who stole sockembase and scored on two groundhogs. That was the Dagger’s last hurrah as Ironbull (in the 7^th), Hopeslayer (in the 8^th) and Mightyruler (in the 9^th) dulled the Daggers clubs and combined for three final hitless innings. The Graves (5-3) won it 5-3 in 3^rd place, and the Daggers (6-2) fell a half-game behind 1^st place Piggsplurgh.


Sockem Baseman Kadish Deepdigger

[hawaiiansky]

Winesday - Peril 15, 2601

Hysterikan League

Dathroat, Mashagain

Striking out four and walking zilch, Fright Sox SP Arodice Fightershooter (1-0, 0.81,12) had clipped Dathroat’s tusks through seven innings with a 3-1 Fright Sox lead. Then he suddenly pooped out in the 8^th with one out. Elf firestarter, Rarindec Frostsnake (2-0, 2.16, 7), was called in and he poured lamp oil and lit a fire, and it was locked up 3-3. Only whiteyes in the 9^th and 10^th innings for both teams.

In the top of the 11^th, Frostsnake, redeeming himself, singled to wight, moved to sockem base on a sacrifice and rambled home on Understaff’s double. Three more Elves followed and it was 7-3 Quikargo. Having a four-run bulge, Frostsnake used his cliff diving thunderball to strike out two in the 11^th and Earthhail whiffed the last clubber swinging at air. Quikargo remained in 1^st.

Culling of the flock; in the 3^rd, SP Turerth the Vulgar(0-1, 2,70, 9) suffered a baked hamstring and will be out for two months, and Sanaroke Braveweasel (.233, 0, 2) will miss 7-8 weeks. Both are weak son of a witches!

Screwloose, Misseri

At Shiv Park, the Fatlickers (1-8) had the lead twice in the game and it was 4-3 in the bottom half of the 6^th. Reliever Meroibo Jumpsgirdle couldn’t hold back the free-swinging Frowns (4-5). Honar Kragpick took one of Jumpsgirdles’ subpar speedball for a merry ride into the centaurfield stands and two runs scored. With a 3-2 full of it count, Slatefist speared a single and it was 6-4 Dwarfs.

Wasted were the clubbing heroics of Fatlickers’ Froppi Broadville (4 for 4) and Sampi Butterhand (3 for 4, 3 ribs). Monsterender and Leadboot had roundtrippers for Screwloose.

[hawaiiansky]

Winesday - Peril 15, 2601

Hysterikan League

Skashington, DK

Savage sorcery and blatant brutality both reared their ugly heads at Gripit Stadium in the hellevised game between the New Ork Yanksnecks and the Slashington Gnashnails. Thank the bloodball gods for that!

New Ork’s Deathsmiter was on fist in the top of the 2^nd when Soinar Copperhelm hit into a twin killing. As Coppehelm (.333, 0, 3) ran slowly back to the dugout, there was a tremendous crack of thunder and a bluish—white lightning bolt struck him; the nauseous smell of sorcerey was noted by the bloodballers on the field. The lightning left the fist baseman a pile of smoldering clothes and blackened flesh. A medic reported that he will be out of action for three months! The Yanknecks protested to the grumpire, but that was a waste of time, for they knew that the Elves were the culprits and had hired a sorcerer to commit mischief. If the Yanknecks had made a contract this game with a sorcerer themselves, they would have used him now. Instead there would be pay-back in its own time and choosing.

A golden opportunity came quickly. Slashington’s best clubber, Cometsword (.429, 2, 6) with the second best clubbing average in the Hysterkan League, singled in the 7^th. On a groundhog to fist, The fist baseman Bravebattler flipped the ball to SP Redush Blaseshaman covering, and he got the out at fist. Cometsword had run and was sliding into sockem base. Bladeshaman instantly threw the bloodball to the shirtstop Stonedrill who caught the ball and “accidentally” jumped with both feet on Cometsword’s extended hand that was touching sockem. He pulverized one of Cometsword’s fingers and caused three months of damage too. Vengeance had come - a fang for a fang, a claw for a claw.


Lagarariand Cometsword

Besides these dastardly deeds, there were also the essential elements of bloodball – flinging and clubbing … racing and grabbing. It was scoreless through 6 innings, nearly hitless for Bladeshaman who had allowed only one and Gnashnails’ flinger Battledew who gave up just four, and the witless Bladeshaman had had enough. The impatient starting flinger for the Yanknecks decided to take matters into his own claws and feet.


SP Redush Bladeshaman

In the top of the 7^th Battledew was replaced by Dreamroot. Necks’ Iceminer doubled to start the action and moved to 3^rd on a grasstrimmer. With two strikes on him, Bladeshaman singled to drive in Iceminer and Stonedrill who had been given a free pass, 2-0 Necks, and stole sockem base. Dreamroot lost any composure he had had, flung a wild turkey and walked three batters in a row. Bladeshamn came home with a third run, and the Yanknecks had a 3-0 lead.


"Firestarter" Elebririon Dreamroot

That was more than enough for Bladeshaman (2-0, 1,82, 24) who gave up just one other single to notch his second victory. New Ork remained tied with Quikargo in 1^st.

Wearing his silk robe and sipping a glass of ancient wine from Malformia, the MLB Commissioner was watching the hellevision feeds of the evening’s bloodcasts on his numerous monitors. The Copperhelm incident caught his eye immediately. “Shocking and disgusting! ” he exclaimed out loud. Picking up his hellfone, he quickly punched the number of the Necromancers Guild to give its Head a piece of his mind. “I just caught the news of the lightning strike on Copperhelm, “ he shouted “… unbelievable and pathetic! Do you know what this event is going to do to hellevison ratings? …. When you are given a contract to strike a bloodballer, don’t just main him … slay him!” The commissioner hung up the fone questioning whether it was wise for him to annoy the necromancers. He drank his doubts away finishing one bottle of the murderlow and opening another.

[hawaiiansky]

Winesday - Peril 15, 2601

Hysterikan League

Bosstown, Masshooters

Bloody-eye View of Funslay Park

“Get your beans and spleens here!” was the often-heard hawk by vendors at Funslay Park in Bosstown. Funslay festered on the corner of Mansdown and Gorey streets; the name, Funslay, was supposedly derived from the two main concerns of Goblins … having fun and slaying others. Another theory is that it came from the Funs a formerly swampy section of Bosstown.

It was like the field had been drawn by a drunken architect. It was a mishmash of irregular and jutting outfield fences dominated by the Green Goblin, a near forty-foot high wall in elfield. It was a matchbox – a clubber’s dream. The nasty Goblin fans sat close to the action and ripped at the visiting bloodballers with their claws whenever one got close to the stands trying to grab a bloodball.

Overhead the ever-present vultures circled sweeping down to carry away a body, a trampled corpse of a fan after the usual game-ending stampede or a slashed victim of a knife attack in the stands. Actually they were a benefit in that respect –clearing debris from the park. They became more of a nuisance during games because of their frequent droppings (discarded bones and bird dew) on bloodballers. The Siege of Bosstown in the past war by the Elves and resulting slaughter on both sides had lured the vultures to the vicinity of Funslay Park.

The Goblin fans fretted early at Funslay as the Cleavehand Insanes rung up four runs on four hits in the 1^st against the less than stellar flinging of Red Pox Xmong Bonerender. The Pox got two back in their half of the inning on a rib double by Wardeath (.281, 0, 5), his first of four hits, and a single by Chaosfire (.412, 0, 2). They narrowed the score 4-3 in the 3^rd. “Clutch” Carro doubled in two in the 4^th and it was 6-3 Insanes.

SP Xmong Bonerender 3B Berng Wardeath


In the 6^th, lefty-clubbing Nuk Cleaverbrain (.290, 2, 11), a native of Squeezeneck, Aridzone, hit the first of two homers, a two-run blast (389”) off Snot Starter Laurencius that nearly cleared the centaur field stands. Insanes 6 Red Pox 5. His second with two men on off up-set reliever Langer (0-1, 6.75, 3, 2SV) in wight in the 8^th gave the Red Pox (4-4) a 9-6 come-from-behind win tied with Cleavehand (4-4)! Five ribs for Cleaverbrain.

LF Nuk Cleaverbrain Snot Starter Benisch Laurencius

Up-set Reliever Olbrecht Langer

Two nitwits in box seats behind the Red Pox dugout composed a riddle, “Nuk, Nuk … Who’s there? … Cleaver… Cleaver who? … Cleaver yer brain! ” followed by a slashing noise.

[hawaiiansky]

Each club has their respective groundscreeper crew. Most are Snotlings or Gnomes. Besides doing the mundane tasks like watering and cutting the grass, or covering the field with a whaleskin during rain delays, groundscreepers ensure that the home team maintains its edge using every home park advantage or dirty trick that they can think up with their tiny, devious minds.

In the Pogo Grounds, the Tyrants’ creepers maintain the razorgrass in the infield and outfield. As the name implies, any fielder who lacks a tough hide risks shredding the skin right off their fingers touching the razor-sharp blades of grass. Falling on this carpet of pain hands or face first will certainly injure an opponent’s fielders to the delight of New Ork fans. Quickitch Ivy is grown on the walls of Squigley Field and the Quikargo Klubs’ groundscreepers have it carefully pruned to bedevil visiting outfielders; any careless or unsuspecting fielder will succumb to endless scratching and distraction for the entire game.

Other clubs alter the distance or height of walls using various means. In Funslay Park in Bosstown, for example, Snotling creepers operate the centaur and wight field flexfences or rollerwalls on hidden rollers or counterwights which can be moved back when the visitors are clubbing or in when the Red Pox are at bat. Extra boards are raised so that would-be homers bounce off walls. These measures are cumbersome, but succeed in some instances.

Before the visitors play in the field, the groundscreeper between innings in most parks prepare pebblepaths raking in small stones to raise the chances of bad bouncing balls –with luck these bad bounces could hit a fielder squarely in the square heads of the fielders. Pebbles are strewn along the base paths too with the hope of slowing down a runner or having him slip and be tagged out. Before the home team comes to bat, the creepers rake up the pebbles and flatten and smooth out the dirt.

Making a mushmound is sometimes employed to alter the surface of flinging mounds. Just before leaving the hill, a home flinger will complain about the mound, so a groundscreeper crew will rush out with buckets of water to soak the area just in time for the visitor’s flinger to take the mound. The flinger seems to sink slowly into the mud throwing his flings off and ideally resulting in wild turkey flings and passed balls.

There are warning tracks in all parks and most have hidden pits whose location home bloodballers are aware of and avoid, but can cause a broken leg or foot if fallen into with luck or at least result in a misplayed bloodball.
Dirty tricks are also in the groundscreepers’ domain. At Graves Field, a groundscreeper hoping to spoil a grab will suddenly release a rooster or turkey when the opposing bloodball fielder enters fowl territory trying to grab a fowl ball. Carefully-pulled fowl poles can also make the difference between a long fowl bloodball and a homerun.

At Crosseye Field, the Shreds’ groundscreepers drape a huge white cloth in centaur field when the visitors are at bat, so that the fling from a Shred flinger blends into the ghostly background of the covered fence. Black and white polka dot sheets are hung from fences in Cleavehand’s Reek Park so that outfielders will have trouble picking up well-clubbed bloodballs near outfield fences.

All of these measures used by groundscreepers cause havoc and are against the rules of bloodball, but nobody is enforcing them.

[hawaiiansky]

Winesday – Peril 15, 2601

Irrational League

Killerelfia, Painsylvania

Killerelfia SP Nestcarver and Quikargo SP Togelt the Unbearable had hogtied clubbers for four innings with the Philbellies managing a 1-0 lead when empty-headed elfielder Bloodyhanded misplayed a fly and came up empty-handed. Rain soaked the fields for a nearly seventy minute rain delay in the 4th and by then the arms of the original starters had tightened due to them sitting in the cold, damp dugouts, so the firemen came in. Grandcinder made it 2-0 Philbellies on a hellhopper single off Mazorg the Flayer in the 5th.

SP Tarotis Nestcarver Elfielder Ezrag the Bloodyhanded

Intent on ruining everything, the Dark Elf firestarters served up homers to Derghgrot the Exterminator in the 7^th and Tuzekk the Irate in the 8th, and it was 2-2. The Dark Elf fans were angry at seeing the game drag on into the bone-tingling, soppy night. The game dripped by into the bottom of the 12^th still 2-2. Reliever Zuggut the Dismemberer, who had easily gotten the Bellies out on three pitches in the 11^th, was somehow ruffled by a.156 toothless clubber , Doomcarver, and walked him. With two balls in the count, Crystaljackal propelled a double off the elfield wall and Doomcarver waltzed into score. Game over and the Philbellies (2-7) rally to win 3-2, one game behind Quikargo (3-6).

Wightfielder Derghgrot the Exterminator

As Zuggut left the mound, untrusting Manager Dreppi Tophouse looked suspiciously at him because he had flung six straight balls and then served up a double after being so dominant the inning before. Had he been paid a bribe to throw the game? Dirty tricks were not unknown in bloodball.

Screwloose, Misseri

Despite outclubbing the Bards 14-10 in hits, leading once, tying the score twice, the Tyrants were outslugged 3-1 in homers, and they eventually lost 10-8 to Screwloose. The Tyrants will be happy to leave Warthand’s Park since Screwloose has swept all three games so far this week. IB Glosil Doomsmith (2 for 5, 5 ribs) smacked two four-baggers and his teammate Deepdrill (3 runs) hit one out. It was the fourth homer for both sluggers who are tied for most HR in the HL. The score was locked like an Imperial mint 8-8 in the 8^th when Rilin Monstersmiter doubled to break it open for the Bards driving in two runs, 10-8 Bards. Both teams have 4-5 records.

Four-bagger Clubbers
Glosil Doomsmith Gegnus Deepdrill

[hawaiiansky]

Winesday – Peril 15, 2601

Irrational League

Sinsenasty, Ohwhoa

Bloody-eye View of Crosseye Field

If you cross your eyes, Crosseye Field, looks less decadent than it really is; hence, its name. After all vice,cruelty and pleasure are more important to Sinsenasty fans than bloodball. Native-born Sinsenastians also call it Shredland Field, and the owner likes to grandiosely refer to it as the Palace of the Fantastics (That remains to be seen!).

There was a single section of bleachers in wight field –the Blonde Bleachers – where the commoners and undesirables sat and roasted, and there were no seats at all in elfield or centaur. It was apparently built to restrict the rabble to an acceptable number and location; if not out of sight, at least far from contact.

The doubled-decked pavilion along the foul lines and elsewhere was reserved for Imperial dignitaries like government leaders, Army officers, the Guilds, and the other elite. Mechanics are grudgingly permitted to sit there too. The capacity of Crosseye Field is small barely 25000 for that reason.

In the grandstands and bleachers, voluptuous lady vendors in short tunics hawked sandwiches, hot frogs, wines and beers, mindpoppy seeds, massages and other sensual delicacies. The spigots of Sudsgeyser Beer are seldom still , and beer is served by these slinky sisters to the sauced Sinsenasty sippers non-stop. Variety is the vice of life in the Blue Strip City, so there were redheads in the fist base, home-team side of the stands, brunettes along hurt base as the blondes in the bleachers.

In front of and all along the elfield fence was slanting ground, “Studebaker’s Slope,” that challenged visiting elfielders; this incline is named after the Shred’s Johann Studebaker who first pounded the elfield turf.

There was huge scoreboard in elf-centaur field to keep track of how many women the elite have scored during the game. Because the park has easily flooded in the past being so close to the appropriately-named Spill Creek, bloodballers are wary of sudden flash floods. There are even rowboats secured to the top of both dugouts just in case.

Like all bloodball teams, the Shreds have cheerleaders, actually two squads of cheerleaders – the Shredded Stockings and the Shredlegs. These scantily-clad “ladies” cavort around the diamond between innings performing acrobatic and lascivious moves. Parents on hellevision are advised that their children should cross their eyes to prevent the viewing of any harmful images. Once this advisory became known to the citizenry across Hysterika, viewer numbers increased dramatically.

At Crosseye Field, SP Nildo Diggerbuff made a wild turkey fling in the 1^st and the Shreds led 1-0. That lead was easily erased in the 4^th on five straight hits off of SP Licht including doubles by Stonefettle (.500, 1, 10) and Longpond (.364, 2, 9). In this game, it was Diggerbuff who flung 7-hit bloodball over 8 innings to outfling Licht (1-2, 3.12, 18) who went 8.2 innings but lost a tough one. In the bottom of the 9^th, Wilt Haute, the irritating voice of the Shreds on hellevision wrapped it up. “That was the last out. The game was over!”

Acehole SP Nildo Diggerbuff SP Volkrad Licht
Bobo Stonefettle Rosula Worrycleve

Halfling Worrycleve (.341, 1, 7) was 4 for 5. Six straight wins for first-place Piggsplurgh (7-1) while the slipping Sinsenasty Shreds are 3-5 in 7^th.

[monkeyman576]

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