The Fantastic Baseball League - Season I

[Celtic Forever]

This thread will recap the daily doings of my fictional league in its first season. I've set up a rather tongue-in-cheek fictional world in which pro baseball is divided into several leagues both in the U.S. and, to a lesser degree, across the globe. Over time, leagues will die, grow, or merge with others. How my new league - the FBL - evolves (or doesn't) will be the point of this journey.

A few nuances that may seem a bit unusual at first:

a) there are women ballplayers (and good ones, too)
b) a typical season lasts 100 games
c) the settings reflect ball as it was played in 1950
d) finances are hammered WAY down, about to pre-1900 levels

I'm happy to answer any questions that may arise. In the meantime, let's get started!

[Celtic Forever]

The Fantastic Baseball League is formed in Salemwich, Big City at a convention called together by Buddy Baker. The meeting is held at Hutch & Harris’ restaurant on the corner of 4th and Trade. Each of the eight teams will play a 100-game schedule. The founding members of the FBL are: Bumpkindale Kin, Citypark All Stars, Grimside Bullies, Harbour Bay Crabs, Piggville Hollers, Riverbottom Nightmares, Salemwich Burners and the West Village Blues.

[Celtic Forever]

West Village Blues – West Village is a wealthy suburb just outside the Big City beltway where many of the city’s white collar community reside. Their club, rather than having deep amateur roots in the community, was instead lured in from an existing pro league with the promise of higher salaries, good homes and a splendid park – The Village Green (capacity 9,400).
All of this was orchestrated, of course, to give Commissioner Buddy Baker’s new FBL a way to tap into the lucrative market that comprises this pristine area. The Blues are a family-friendly club, and its facilities are more geared toward providing families with a good night out than simply focusing on the sport of baseball. The Village Green sports an amusement park for the kids, a ritzy bar and restaurant for the adults, a beer garden, a wine cellar and a pool complex for hot summer days. The whole idea is to get families to come out, stay out, and spend as much money as possible. In return, the community gets the prestige of having an upper-tier pro team to brag about.
West Village provides a pleasant, fun way to enjoy professional baseball. It lacks some of the intensity that you might get at Citypark, Grimside or Riverbottom, but if you’re not a diehard – who cares? Over time it will be interesting to see if the club develop a winning/losing tradition, and the changes that may bring to their fan base. Time will tell.
The manager of West Village is 2B August Brown, who is basically holdover from the club’s previous stint in Harport. His squad, Village’s history-making first, will be (edited June 5th):

Starting rotation:
1.Cathy DuShoppe Age 25; all-American girl who just loves the shopping in West Village. Brings a 90 mph heater with good movement and impeccable control. Easily the ace of this staff.
2.Hairbow Haley Age 25; good movement and zip (90 mph), but is still struggling with her control. Holding runners is also a concern in a league that does not lack for speed. Wears a hairbow instead of a cap, and looks like a blonde Barbie doll.
3.Francine Fokker Age 30; has best fastball on the staff (~93 mph), but has only average movement and spotty control. Of Dutch origin, she has her own shoe boutique.
4.Freckles Fairaway Age27; boyish, southpaw junkballer who started year in the bullpen. Needs to keep the ball down, as his velocity is not great (88 mph).

Starting Lineup:
CF Oh-Yoo Suk Age 26; Lefty leadoff man is a great base stealer and a premier centerfielder, although his arm is a tad suspect. Part of an unusually-healthy pipeline of Chinese talent that bodes well for the FBL’s future. Engrish is a problem, but loyalty, hard work, and commitment to the cause are not.
2B August Brown Age 27; good field manager and a solid batsman who makes few mistakes. Not flashy as a player, but has a hairdo that looks like Garfield exploded on his head.
LF Justin Thyme Age 29; this switch-hitter was the real deal during his time in Harport, but has struggled to adapt to the FBL. Makes good contact, but his power is not where everyone hoped it would be. Wears spectacles, and is a bit thin-skinned about it, which makes him a prime target for heckling.
C Huey McBlooey Age 31; transferred over from Harbour Bay, and his hot bat wrested the starting job from veteran Primo Segundo. Nowhere near Primo’s level as a backstop, however. Has a rap partnership with Harbour Bay 1B Rip Ripperson.
RF Rosie Thorn Age 28; lefty came over from Riverbottom in a May trade and has not disappointed as a starter, hitting well over .300 and playing rightfield well. Beautiful, perky sort who graces much of the team’s promotional literature.
SS Shaggy Muldoon Age 24; good hitter with some gap power who is solid, if unspectacular, at short. Nickname comes from that fact that he’s a hippie and has a voice just like that of the ‘Scooby Doo’ character.
1B Lanky Longfellow Age 35; tall, lanky (natch) cornerman who’s decent with the glove but won’t give you much range. Used to be a good power hitter, but this has declined with age. Innocent and hard-working, he doesn’t always convince as the sharpest knife in the drawer.
3B Nancy Collagen Age 33; OK, first off – huge lips. Unnaturally huge. WTF? She may look like a post-prime hooker, but the old gal has still got some game, if not quite as much as when she was a perennial Yankee League all star. Still solid at the plate and in the field, but this is likely her last hurrah as a regular.

[Celtic Forever]

Salemwich Burners – Salemwich is the original English settlement upon which Big City was founded, thought to have its origins back in the early 1700’s. It is still a beacon for British ex-pats today, deeply traditional and strongly adherent to its colonial roots. Baseball is just one of several sports that its athletics club supports, the other most popular being soccer (now professional in its own right), golf and polo.
Originally members were required to spend time with each of these ‘Big 4’ sports, selecting one as their primary focus. With baseball and soccer’s move to professionalism, this requirement has become more ceremonial than compulsory.
Members of Salemwich society are so entrenched in the upper crust of Big City’s power structure that inviting their baseball club to join the FBL was a real no-brainer for Commish Buddy Baker – in fact he pleaded with them to join. A few backdoor deals within City Hall later and Salemwich had their stadium – Salem Centre – built right on the edge of the Aulde Historic District. At a capacity of 14,200, it ranks as the league’s largest.
Salem Centre is a unique place to catch a game. Architechurally it was constructed to blend in with its colonial surroundings, and as such is a tourist mecca unto itself – as is the beautiful historic locale that houses it. Backed by ‘old’ money, it contains all the slickest modern amenities and features posh European cuisine that is unique on the FBL circuit.
Salemwich looks poised to serve as a great ambassador for the league as well. Leveraging the global connections of its patrons, it has worked diligently in conjunction with Harbour Bay to establish ties with leagues and clubs in the Old World – opening strong new marketing avenues and potential revenue streams. It will likely be commonplace for FBL clubs to spend the offseason touring Europe, or welcoming European clubs to their own neck of the woods.
Salemwich is managed by SP Bombshell Harrison, a charismatic sort with long-standing family ties to the Salemwich Athletic Club. She is supported by (edited June 5th):

Starting rotation:
1.Trix Galore Age 25; a happy-go-lucky sort with good movement and control of her 92 mph fastball.
2.Cutie Capers Age 35; hard-working with good movement on all her pitches. Fastball tops out at 90 mph. Comes from a philanthropic family and is very much a chip off the ol’ block.
3.Lovie Smith Age 22; Sweet girl from the projects who has charmed her way into Salemwich society. Needs to work on her control. 90 mph heater.
4.Disco Davison Age38; Junkballer who relies on spotting his pitches. Emerged from the bullpen to take Mgr Bombshell Harrison’s spot in the rotation whe she demoted herself. DJs down in Riverbottom on his off nights.

Starting Lineup:
CF Muscles Mason Age 24; Lefty leadoff man is a great base stealer with a knack for getting on base. Despite his impressive physique, his power has not blossomed. Good arm, but needs to improve his positioning. Owns a gym called ‘Rage’ – in reference to his lively temper.
C Bonnie Clyde Age 29; Eccentric Englishwoman who wears a flower in her cap. Dangerous gap hitter.
LF Tatty Pierce Age 32; Heavily tattoed and pierced punk rocker who plays in black leather. Another deadly batsman who has a knack for hitting the gaps.
3B Innocence O’Malley Age 33; Kind-hearted sort who volunteers at an animal shelter in her spare time. Yet another gap specialist. Struggles at third, and is a bit glass-armed.
1B Boo-Boo Baker Age 30; Rumored to be in the squad as part of a deal brokered by his father – Commissioner Buddy – but has actually proved himself capable, if overpaid. Competent batsman, but subpar first-bagger.
2B Bucktooth Biggs Age 35; Good-field, no-hit goofball with whopping front choppers. Would love to be over at first, but currently he’s the best option at second.
RF Y.I. Otta Age 38; Lefty has a bit of an attitude problem and is not exactly punctual for team meetings. Slow as molasses, but instincts make for good range in the field. Big City Golden Gloves winner at light heavyweight.
SS Dude O’Day Age 26; Amateur rocker and surfer from California with stunning range for a dude who’s 6’5”. Really good situational hitter with little pop.

[NYY #23]

Originally Posted by Celtic Forever

CF Oh-Yoo Suk Age 26; Lefty leadoff man is a great base stealer and a premier centerfielder, although his arm is a tad suspect. Part of an unusually-healthy pipeline of Chinese talent that bodes well for the FBL’s future. Engrish is a problem, but loyalty, hard work, and commitment to the cause are not.

That has to be one of the best names I've seen. Hopefully he plays better than his name sounds!

[Celtic Forever]

Suk thanks you! My personal favorite pun is the Salemwich Burners, but one has ever accused me of taste ...

Riverbottom Nightmares – This club hails from Big City’s port district, and is one of the few clubs that does not have a long amateur pedigree. Rather it was created by the city council as part of an effort to rejuvenate the area economically. This has worked, in a sleazy sort of way. The River’s Edge ballpark is the FBL’s biggest at a capacity of 13,100, and each game night disgorges its hordes into a thriving neon scene of liquor joints, strip clubs, tacky theme restaurants and dance halls. A true haven for sailors, college students and sociopaths.
Still, not a bad place to catch a game, all in all. First – GREAT seafood, both in and out of the stadium. Also, set apart from other well-heeled Big City clubs such as Citypark, Salemwich and West Village, Riverbottom have cultivated a bit of a counter-culture image that makes it the de facto fave among the twenty-something set. This makes the stadium an ideal venue for post-game rock/rap/pop concerts – a revenue stream that the club tap into regularly. Fans can also divert their attention from the game to a scenic view of the Big Blue River, replete with commercial vessels from global ports of call all too happy to give a liitle ‘toot’ as they ease to and from port.
The current captain of Riverbottom (incidentally, nicknamed the ‘Nightmares’ by fans in reference to Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas special) is SP Pasta Pepitone, an Italian immigrant rumored to have Mafia connections. Yikes! Here’s his crew (edited June 5th):

Starting rotation:
1.Pasta Pepitone Age 29; bespectacled Italian, easy-going and confident, in a manner that only a man with ‘connections’ can be. Absolutely dedicated to winning, like his life depends on it or something. Not much juice (86 mph, tops), but great movement. Control can be an issue.
2.Kid Ferdinand Age 30; Portuguese immigrant transferred over from West Village, where he did not feel at home, to the more worldly Riverbottom area. Poor control, but good movement with heat (93 mph).
3.Mickey Fine Age 25; Good speedballer (94 mph) with decent control, but his fastball tends to plane out too often. Has all the tools – intelligence, work ethic, winner’s mentality, loyalty – to be a great clubhouse leader and civic idol, except that he’s a perpetual grump.
4.Blooey Blackman– Age27; Below-average stuff and only average control, but seems to get results anyway. Nicknamed ‘Blooey’ because she highlights her black hair blue. Notorious club-goer and music afficionado.

Starting Lineup:
CF Snooty Rotheschilde Age 21; rich and, yes, snooty, this princess wears her pearls during games. Not to be underestimated – she possesses world-class speed and is a supreme leadoff gal. Press named her one of the very top prospects in the FBL at the outset of the season.
3B Onion Munyon Age 34; Highly-touted club acquisition who started slow but is now revealing himself to be as good as advertised. Should challenge for the batting title, but lacks power and is unwilling to sacrifice. Grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, and carries a real attitude.
RF Pepper Dotson Age 28; Cool, unruffable and doesn’t suffer fools lightly. Despite her rather superior attitude, she’s very popular with the fans as a raven-haired beauty. Good pull hitter who doesn’t make silly mistakes.
LF Imogene Floyd Age 28; Lefty makes good contact and has superb plate discipline. Only average in the field. Happy at Riverbottom and has presents no ego problems – unusual for this club.
1B Wally Walleye Age 29; Wally is a cockeyed goofball with All-League potential as a slugger and a first-bagger. Not a home run threat as such, but can rip balls to the gap faster than the outfielders can swallow their chaw. Loves attention and is trying to cultivate a rep as the club’s unofficial mascot.
C Large Marge Franklin Age 30; First-class backstop and good spray hitter – but little pop. Married with kids, and has little patience for the ego-driven antics of some of the club’s other players.
SS Aggie McDaddy Age 38; Beaten out at first by Walleye, but too valuable to place on the bench, so she was moved to short, where she struggles. Great arm, good on the bases, average stick. Late in her career arc, she is establishing a legacy by writing a hugely popular daily blog.
2B Sunny Summers Age 26; An average all-around player who has delusions of grandeur. Excellent base-stealer and situational hitter. Good at charming the press.

[Celtic Forever]

Piggville Hollers – Welcome to the sticks, ya’ll. Piggville lies about 40 miles to the east of Big City and roughly 60 miles from the coast, smack dab in the middle of the agrarian flatlands. There are two things to do in that area – farm and church – so it is perhaps no surprise that the club has its origins in church all-star teams. Piggville – a metropolis of around 70,000 – had a particularly cosmopolitan all star squad, with players who could be either Baptist OR Methodist.
Incidentally, that brings us to the topic of who can be a member of the Piggville Hollers (smaller list) and who can’t be (much longer in today’s ‘h-e-double hockey sticks’ in a handbasket society. Piggville players must adhere to the Ten Commandments with more than a wink, may not drink, swear, smoke, fornicate, miss church or basically do anything that might embarrass prim-and-proper Piggville society. Players are required to sign autographs graciously at all times, and commit at least 10 hours per month (yes, offseason counts) to public appearances – visiting hospitals, schools, churches, golf tournaments, blah, blah , blah.
Despite the restrictions (whispered by some to be unevenly enforced), Piggville became a major amateur power on the regional cutthroat church circuit, and Buddy Baker extended them an invite to his new FBL venture, provided they came up with a proper stadium. Please – these are Baptists who worship in churches the size of shopping malls – construction of The Pig Pen (capacity 9,500) was as easy as an ‘Amen, brother’. While perhaps not as chic or feature-laden as Citypark’s Big City Ballpark or Harbour Bay’s Crab Cage, it’s still not a bad place to catch a game – and the barbecue is slap-yo-mamma good.
SP Babe Appleby is the manager of the Hollers, not so surprising as his family runs generations-deep in the area and were founding members of Big Baptist – one of the primary financial contributors to The Pig Pen. Here are his brethren (known in the press as the ‘Children of the Corn’ for their unusual number of blondes and their agricultural ties) for Year I of the FBL (edited June 5th):

Starting rotation:
1.Babe Appleby Age 27; always has a content smile on his face, which happens when you’re young, rich and of unimpeachable family reputation. Good hurler, too – has a 90 mph heater with some of the best movement on it league-wide. Prematurely bald, snicker.
2.Coonskin Tate Age 24; this kid, like Babe, is a loose, carefree sort who is nevertheless remarkably talented. Fantastic movement on his pitches and good, consistent control. Wears a coonskin cap instead of a regular baseball one. Blonde.
3.Prissy Puddin Age 22; Sweet, carefree phenom who is rumored to be involved with Coonskin (not s-e-x-ually, of course). 96 mph fastball with top-drawer stuff, movement and control makes her a devastating force on the mound. Blonde.
4.Ice Cream Jones – Age24; Guess what his favorite food is? Yep, he’s always licking a cone in the dugout on off days, and forever making a drippy mess on his pitch-count sheets, to Babe’s consternation. Competent hurler who relies more on guile than pure stuff. Blonde.

Starting Lineup:
CF Daisy Mae Hart Age 27; still a tomboy at heart, and a bit of an amateur entomologist. Fleet-footed with great range in center. Competent enough with the stick to make a natural leadoff gal. Blonde.
SS Dennis Mitchell Age 35; Inevitably nicknamed ‘The Menace’. Really snaps off the double play better than just any any shortstop in existence. Blonde.
1B Tuck Thompson Age 26; The quintessential golden-haired boy (literally) of everything Piggville. A perennial batting title candidate with good power and excellent eye at the plate. A kind, soft-spoken, sincere spokesman for Christian ideals, he is absolutely ADORED in the eastern region and a great ambassador for the FBL in general. Blonde.
RF Spunk Williams Age 35; Huge extra-base threat and a no-frills, no-mistakes fielder. Lefty with a goofy personality to match. Blonde.
LF Cale Christianson Age 30; makes good contact with power to all fields, and rarely strikes out. Bit of a controversial figure in that he wears a ‘C’ on his cap (for himself) instead of the team-standard ‘P’ for Piggville.
C Red Harris Age 28; Solid all-rounder who gets the little things done. A regular in his church choir, but caused a bit of a stir when he grew a bit a goatee. Red-head, and therefore to be suspected.
3B Bossie Clementine Age 28; A transfer from Salemwich who’s still settling in a bit. Did not get her name by accident. Highly intelligent, capable in the field and has decent pop. Prickly personality has caused some tensions in the clubhouse.
2B Copper Wade Age 30; Ousted from her native third by the arrival of Bossie, and reportedly not happy about it. A strong-minded, holier-than-thou sort of lady that this region produces in droves. Red-headed!

[Celtic Forever]

Harbour Bay Crabs – Harbour Bay is an odd mixture of resort village and bluecollar commercial fishing interests, resting peacefully on the shores of the Big Blue Bay. The club began as a pastime venture for sailors during their downtime, but became semi-pro over the years in effort to lure money out of the wallets of the wealthier residents and vacationers. This worked spectacularly, and newfound wealth allowed the club to extend its touring regimen over a large regional area. Being able to travel for free by boat helped a lot, too.
Having established a strong reputation as an elite and entertaining touring club throughout the eastern seaboard, Harbour Bay was a cinch to be invited to join the initial ranks of the FBL. The town is situated only about an hour’s drive from Big City, and already possessed a fabulous stadium in The Crab Cage (capacity 10,600) that met league standards. It is also a welcome exotic destination on the circuit away from the Big City hub, and routinely draws thousands of fans who travel to support the visiting team, and enjoy a bit of a mini-vacation as well.
Catching a game at The Crab Cage is possibly the most enjoyable experience that the FBL circuit provides – the stadium has world-class crab cakes on offer, is surrounded by first-rate seafood restaurants and presents a stunning backdrop view of the The Big Blue Bay (especially at sundown) with its sun-dappled waves, gentle sea breezes, cawing sea gulls and white sailboats wafting idly amongst the swells. Lucky patrons might also be invited to a chic party on one of the yachts that make up the Crab Navy, private craft that dock at the wharf just behind rightfield so owners can catch a game, sip wine and ogle ladies – though not necessarily in that order.
Staff closer Al Good is the current skipper of the good ship Crab. Although not incompetent, it is deemed certain that he was given the command due to his easy-going relations with the media and the public.
Here’s the crew for the FBL’s Season I (edited May 27th):

Starting rotation:
1.Dazzy Dandridge Age 36; happy-go-lucky sort has been playing ball in the Bay area all his life, making him a bit of club icon. Alas, has lost velocity on his heater (~88 mph) and his control is slipping too.
2.Pebbles Peete Age 29; spunky pony-tailed redhead doesn’t bring a lot of heat (tops 87 mph) but on her day has good movement. Consequently tends to be a win one-lose one sort.
3.Emma Queen Age 30; Texas southpaw has a 90 mph fastball with decent control and good movement. Carries the nickname ‘Drama’ due to a complete inability to control her emotions – on the camera or of it.
4.Big Nate Wimmer – Age 34; Staff intellectual and wisecracker can hum it around 88 mph with good movement. Coaches a high school baseball team in the offseason – the Westport Claws.

Starting Lineup:
RF Buckethead Bramble Age 26; bug-eyed, perpetually-confused sort who plays on natural ability alone. Good thing is – it’s more than sufficient, as he is a terror on the basepaths and an easy bet to hit ~ .310 with power. Likely to be a perennial All-FBL candidate.
CF Scooter Dane Age 29; One-time English deckhand who successfully transitioned from cricket to hardball. Power and speed to rival Buckethead’s.
C Boobsy Daniels Age 29; Lazy buffoon who often sleeps during batting practice and his off days. Also a premier natural hitter who will likely challenge for the batting title. Bit of pop in that bat, too. Average backstop.
1B Rip Ripperson Age 32; Classic 4-hole slugger who hits left-handed, which is a nice bonus. Not disastrous at making contact, and can crush it a mile if he drops the head of the bat on the ball. Runs a hip-hop label with Huey McBlooey, and cultivates a ‘G’ image.
LF Buster Lowe Age 32; This is a dangerous hitter from the left side of the plate, able to top .300 with excellent gap power. Only his low-key, media-shy personality will keep him from being a star.
2B Prance Staley Age 31; Massively popular idol for the young masses, and therefore the media and marketing industry as well. Looks like a Bratz doll and is supremely slick in the field. Competent pull hitter who never strikes out.
3B Jenny Crush Age 25; A gee-whiz Midwesterner who needs to work harder. Currently must be considered a bit lucky to be holding down a regular position, as she is muff-prone and doesn’t hit enough to offset this liability.
SS Snooker Davies Age 26; Lefty who is a real slickster with the glove. Overachieving hitter who handles himself on the basepaths well. Notorious pool shark.

[Celtic Forever]

Grimside Bullies – Hmm. Well. This is an interesting outfit that hails from the troubled Northside of Big City, funded by (whispers, here) narcotics traffickers and organized crime elements. Coincidentally their history is a murky one best not delved into too deeply. The club is not without its beneficial side, however, many of its stars having served as athletic role models for aspiring youth who otherwise would have had very little to look up to.
Grimside are backed by a lot of cash, and are likely little more than a money-laundering operation to the principals involved. In their amateur days they served as a sort of Harlem Globetrotter-style sidehow for powerful people looking to charm their business partners in distant locales. They are not, for instance, unknown to the public in Western Europe and the Caribbean. How they obtained an invite to Buddy Baker’s FBL is uncertain, but the nasty rumor is that Baker was in debt to one of the owners and waived the franchise fee as means of repayment. What is known is that the City Council themselves funded the construction of Homeboy Field (10,700) with no explanation and no pricetag presented on the public record. Against this background, it perhaps comes as no surprise that Grimside is hated by the ‘haves’ in Big City, and adored by the ‘have-nots’.
On a happier note, Homeboy Field has terrific food – much of it provided by local churches at low cost. A well-balanced hot meal can be obtained for about the cost of a chili dog at Big City Ballpark. The entertainment is also multiculturally first-rate, often featuring well-known rap artists, Latino pop stars and Italian tenors, to illustrate just a few examples.
Yes, much of Grimside is a shady mystery – the luxury boxes do sport bulletproof glass and curtains that are often drawn much of the time – but what is known is that the following Goodfellas will take the field for the start of FBL action (edited May 25th):

Starting rotation:
1.Bling Bling Bermudez Age 38; Crowd-pleasing righty wears his ice on the mound – despite batter protests – and wears his cap backwards. Has good control of his 90 mph fastball.
2.Holy Hale Age 22; former Vegas showgirl only has an 89 mph heater, but is a real workhorse. On off days she usually dances atop the dugout during 7th inning stretches.
3.Dooley McCooley Age 30; left his native Ireland after being jailed numerous times on charges of hooliganism. Can still get his fastball up to 90 mph.
4.Nacho Daddy – Age 30; Bling Bling’s BFF has a staff-best 92 mph blazer, but spotty control. Owns a restaurant named after himself.

Starting Lineup:
2B Unstoppable Bob Age 22; Took over the starting role for good about midway into the campaign. Superb on the basepaths and an ace leadoff man.
RF Dummy Hawhaw Age 34; A mute former comedian who, perhaps not surprisingly, looked to find a career in something else. Good bat control and displays a strong winner’s spirit in his own quiet way.
1B Curtis Cool Age 27; Right-handed batsman so highly regarded that he made former first-bagger stalwart Princess Patsy surplus to requirements. Embodies the Grimside street image – backward cap, Jeri-Curl and loads of cockiness. Kids LOVE him.
SS Slowey Zoe Zamm Age 20; Yes, the youngest regular is also the manager, a testament to her forceful, take-no-prisoners persona. Ironically nicknamed due to her blazing speed. An effortless shortstop talent with good gap power who might emerge as an all-time great if she isn’t careful.
LF Little Red Rider Age 32; Mercenary bat-for-hire (and a pretty good one). She only cares about playing for a winner, and consequently ‘gets around’, heh heh.
CF Nick the Dick Age 23; An absolute prick, but has excellent range and is good on the basepaths.
3B Dumpy Doyle Age 30; A backwoods hick who is out of his element in Northside, but his scrappy play endears him to fans nevertheless. A horrible situational bunter, but has a standout arm.
C April Mae June Age 35; Underachiever who, frankly, doesn’t seem all that concerned about getting better. Very difficult to strike out, but hasn’t done a lot of damage when she does put the ball into play. Average defensively.

[kpmcneil22]

I like the idea and will certainly be following your league. I'm pretty new to OOTP and am curious how you created/included female players? Thanks!

[Picky]

Great write up; very funny!

[Celtic Forever]

Thanks for the enocuragement. Alas, Markus is a chauvinist, obviously, so the only way to provide for female players is to manually edit their names yourself, or go to the mods section to see if someone has developed a co-ed names file. You'll also have to add your own player pics, as I do (funny little cartoon ones).

Now, where did I leave off? Ah, yes -

Citypark All Stars – Citypark is the financial titan of the FBL, residing smack in the gilt middle of Big City’s financial district. Originally the club was comprised of a collection of All Stars from the various corporate softball leagues, which would barnstorm throughout the city at the conclusion of each league campaign as an excuse to continue drinking beer and sniffing coke while ‘networking’. Then, one summer, an ex-minor leaguer turned corporate exec named Haygood Job drunkenly asserted that the All Stars could just as easily win at hardball as they did at soft. This they did, gaining an unfortunate nickname as White Power (white collars, white cocaine lines, Powerful corporate ties) which summed up the working class’ opinion that they were a club to be booed, not cheered.
Continued success and notoriety spawned the birth of jealous rivals, and it wasn’t long before the beer-and-burp softball circuit was succeeded by a series of cut-throat, win-at-all-costs baseball contests. As the teams were populated by guys who did not exactly hurt for funds, and were not precisely interested in playing just for funsies, huge bets began being laid on the matchups, and this in turn led to teams pulling that age-old trick – ringers.
Eventually clubs became semi-pro in all but name only, manned by true athletes who had only nominal (but well-paid) connections to the corporations they represented. Forklift Farrior, for example, was supposedly a forklift operator for Giganto Corp, but investigation revealed he never had an operator’s license, had never applied for one, and in fact was never seen around the warehouse complex. For five years. What he did have was a 98 mph fastball and a tax return claiming over $100,000 in earnings from ‘various interests’.
All right, we see where this is headed. Eventually this collection of legitimate (if slightly shady) players was in turn formed into a coagulated All Star team that challenged similar squads from other metropolitan areas. Sustained success (record: 100-32) brought an invite from Buddy Baker to join his fledgling FBL, and the cost of building the requisite 10,600 stadium was laughably met by the All Stars’ well-heeled backers. It resides in Citypark, an oasis of pristine green amidst towering skyscrapers and the succulent smell of hot dog carts.
The current manager of Citypark is 3B Snuggles Henderson, a former world-class junior tennis phenom (until her coke addiction) and daughter of TitanCorp’s CFO Teddy Henderson. Snuggles is ironically named, and in fact is a hard-nosed bitch who doesn’t shy away from man-handling the big egos under her charge.
Citypark will start their first FBL season with the following assets (note: edited May 25th):

Starting rotation:
1.Cal Hobbes Age 24; blonde, schizo, spiky-haired prankster with a 87 mph fastball. Cheats often.
2.Suzy Q. Perkins Age 27; loud brunette prone to spectacular temper tantrums. Has a 90 mph fastball and more than her fair share of luck.
3.Bully Moe Age 30; hulking Texan with a 89 mph heater and a very aggressive attitude.
4.Mondo Cruz – Age 23; a once-promising soccer player who developed knee problems. Has an 88 mph fastball and does a crowd-pleasing little mambo after each strikeout.

Starting Lineup:
LF Ella Goode Age 40; Came over from Riverbottom on May 14th to gain on a new lease on life. From a hardscrabble background, sort of enjoying a Cinderella-esque fairy tale in her last (likely) season. Disciplined hitter with no ego, who can be counted on to do the little things right.
1B Smilin Randy Tandy Age 29; Mischievous sort whose smile (oft-present) is something to be feared, not welcomed. Highly intelligent chap who will go back to being a biochemist when his playing days are over. Good bat control who does well in the #2 slot.
SS Snuggles Henderson Age 27; Highly confident, highly talented and highly blinged – wears her pearls during games. Upper-tier contact hitter with good gap power and a rocket arm.
2B Big Ears Lathum Age 32; Tall, lanky and – let’s face it – a bit goofy looking, there’s nothing funny about his ability to hit in the clutch. Good arm. Spent much of his amateur days as a first baseman.
CF DJ Jazzy Twan Age 33; Greedy, sullen and not much of a team guy. Does place pitching mistakes into the next zip code, and has good range in the field.
RF Billy Metro Age 28; Lefty often starts hot and then fades as he worries more about his press clippings than his game. Can be a good teammate, but his rivalry with DJ Jazzy has become a noticeable clubhouse cancer. Huge smile gets him a lot of toothpaste spots.
C Merry Patterson Age 25; California blonde is a good pull hitter who can keep the runners turnstilin’. Defensively is possibly THE catcher in the game. Sweet-natured and wed to an eminent dentist, rumor has it she is souring on the game and is more concerned with starting her own family.
3B Susan Court Age 32; Ambidextrous sort who throws right, hits left, and is a terrific third-sacker. This is fortunate, because she cannot hit a curveball. Vision troubles led her to wear spectacularly-thick glasses. Real laid back and doesn’t respond well to Snuggles’ intensity, which is a problem.

[Celtic Forever]

Bumpkindale Kin – Bumpkindale is the westernmost of the eight clubs, nestled snugly in the foothills of the Shenandoah Valley. The club’s origins are tied to the County Fair, where each autumn a hand-picked County IX would answer challengers from all over the hill country. The early backbone of the team was supplied by the local Bumpkin clan. They would typically show up with starting pitcher Tommy taking the hill whilst trying to wrestle a candy apple from his teeth, first-bagger Corny chompin’ down on yet another roast corn on the cob, and catcher Spit trying to spit his chaw through his mask, and making a real mess of it. Unofficial tallies put their record at 62-12.
With the formation of the old Valley League, Bumpkindale dipped into the County Fair coffers to enter a semi-pro team, with Ol’ Spit managing and still squatting behind the plate most nights. Five times champions in 12 years, they were extended an invite from Buddy Baker to turn fully professional in his new Fantastic Baseball League. Acceptance forced them to renovate and expand the old County Fair Ballpark into the re-dubbed Kinfolk Korner, with a capacity of 10,600. Highlights include a spectacular view of the sun setting over the Shenandoah Valley, fireworks every other Friday night, an aroma of roast corn coming from Corny’s Corner just by the leftfield foul pole, and Chaw Night – where every feller buying a ticket for his lady friend or daughter gets hisself a free tin of Skoal.
The current manager of the Kin is 32 year-old starting pitcher Cueball Smith, who is related to the Bumpkins by way of his marriage to Trudy Jane. Cueball’s bald pate is notoriously shiny, and it is whispered it’s partially cuz he keeps it greased with Vaseline on his pitchin’ days.
-
Bumpkindale will start the inaugural FBL season with the following reg’lars (spring training results not withstanding):

Starting rotation:
1.Lute Strummer Age 26; lanky-haired, banjo-pickin’ southpaw with a 93 mph fastball
2.Cueball Smith Age 32; shiny, bald player-manager with a 91 mph fastball and Bumpkin family connections
3.Hambone Helgersson Age 32; stringy black-haired righty with a 88 mph fastball and bad habit of pickin’ his teeth with bits of bone left over from dinner. During games.
4.Katie Currant – Only 21, and a part-time reporter for local NBC affiliate WBMP during the offseason. Has an 86 mph fastball and wears a hairbow in lieu of a cap.

Starting Lineup:
LF Russ Parsons Age 28; Lopsided grin and has sides and back of his head shaved in true rube fashion; above-average righty with exceptional base-stealing ability.
CF Amy Earhart Age 25; Happy-go-lucky, daredevil sort who dusts crops in her L-5 on off-days. Can get a bit lazy during slow-paced games, but top-drawer natural talent makes her a formidable CF.
3B Killer Carp Age 30; Has replaced the ‘B’ on his cap with his own ‘K’ to make sure you know who you’re looking at! Does all the little things right, and likely to hit a soft .300 in a typical season.
1B Giggles Mountjoy Age 27; Left-handed hitter with good power to all alleys. A bit suspect with the glove, often because she’s snickering at something going on in the stands. Her sister is the team’s catcher – Mrs. Priscilla Paine.
RF Thumby Holt Age 28; A sugar addict, she sucks on candy Thumb Pacifiers during games – and all other times as well. Bats left, goes a bit bug-eyed when concentrating and regularly dents the right-center wall off of right-handed pitching.
C Priscilla Paine Age 33; A kindly, matronly mother of 3 who has a part-time job keeping her sister Giggles’ mind on the game. Good gap power, but her arm has aged and, like her sis, couldn’t outrun a spitted pig.
2B Grumpy Gil Meyer Age 32; Lefty with good speed, good range at second and a sour disposition toward life. Offsets his perma-scowl with very snazzy clothes when out on the town.
SS Tiger Blue Age 32; A Bumpkindale fan all his life, his unflagging spirit is starting to be failed by his aging bod. An average left-handed bat who will make the routine plays at short, but little else.

[Celtic Forever]

The Salemwich Burners depart for England to play a series of exhibition games against Potter League opposition: Gryffendale, Huffenpuff, Ravenswood and Slytherdowne. They return a week later having gone a respectable 2-2. SP Frowny Malloy records a full-game shutout against Huffenpuff on March 24th.

[Celtic Forever]

The West Village Blues play a practice game against a strong Big City University team. This is the first game at the new Village Green ballpark at Clemmons and Main, where the Blues will be situated for 21 years. SP Cathy DuShoppe strikes out eight in a 4-2, 7-inning game shortened by rain.

[Picky]

I suspect Red Rider to be trouble!

[Celtic Forever]

Originally Posted by Picky

I suspect Red Rider to be trouble!

Well, we're getting ready to find out.

April 1 – Opening Day
Crabs 1-2 Hollers - The first game in the Fantastic Baseball League is played at The Crab Cage, Harbour Bay, between the Harbour Bay Crabs and the Piggville Hollers. SP Coonskin Tate limits the Crabs to 2 hits and 1 run to win Player of the Game (PoG) honors. Piggville 1B Tuck Thompson (.667) makes the first hit – a single up the middle – and C Red Harris (.667,0,2) strikes the Hollers’ 1st two RBI ever with singles in the 4th and 8th off SP Emma ‘Drama’ Queen. W: Coonskin Tate (1-0, 0.00); L: Emma Queen (0-1, 2.25); PoG: Coonskin Tate

Blues 0-2 All Stars – A debut home run for Citypark C Merry Patterson (1.000, 1, 1) proved enough to give the All Stars a win over West Village on the opening day of the season. The ‘$100 Girl’ scattered the bleacher bums with a solo shot off SP Cathy DuShoppe in the 4th to support a dominant effort from SP Cal Hobbes. W: Cal Hobbes (1-0, 0.00); L: Cathy DuShoppe (0-1, 2.25); PoG: Cal Hobbes

Nightmares 3-4 Bullies – Record signing 3B Onion Munyon had a nightmare debut for Riverbottom as the riverside club discovered that money, indeed, cannot guarantee success. Munyon went 0-for-3 at the plate – including two RBI opportunities – and muffed 3B Dumpy Doyle’s soft 8th-inning grounder that scored RF Dummy Hawhaw (.500,0,0) and won the day for Grimside. Riverbottom had come from behind to tie the game at 3-3 in the 6th on LF Imogene Floyd’s (.667,1,2) debut home run hit. W: Bling-Bling Bermudez (1-0, 2.00); L: Pasta Pepitone (0-1, 1.13); PoG: Bling-Bling Bermudez

Kin 4-3 Burners – Commish Buddy Baker was in the director’s box at Salem Centre to see his beloved Burners drop their opener by the slimmest of margins. ‘Animal Man’ Baker supposedly gave a pre-game talk to the Salemwich IX about grit, but their 9th-inning collapse indicates he may need to schedule some time for follow-ups. The Kin won with a sac fly from LF Russ Parsons (.250,0,1), plating CF Amy Earhart (.667,1,1). The Burners responded with a RBI single from LF Tatty Pierce (.600,0,1), but ultimately fell short as CL Wags Coughlin forced a fly-out from Boo-Boo Baker (.250,0,0 - Buddy’s son) to end the game. W: Lute Strummer (1-0, 2.35); L: Trix Galore (0-1, 3.38); S: Wags Coughlin (1, 6.75); PoG: CF Amy Earhart (2/3, 1BB, 2R, 1 RBI)

[Celtic Forever]

Nightmares 3-9 Bullies – 1B Princess Patsy (.250,0,4) struck a brace of two-run doubles in the 3rd and 4th innings as Grimside overcame an early 1-run deficit to trounce Riverbottom by six. W: Margarita Lime (1-0, 3.38); L: Johnny Doe (0-1, 3.00); PoG: Princess Patsy

Blues 7-8 All Stars – West Village’s hopes for a pennant suffered an early setback as they started their season 0-2. 3B Snuggles Henderson (.429,1,3) sent a 5th inning pitch clattering into the left-field bleachers for a 2-run homer, allowing Citypark to erase an early 6-4 deficit. Following a West Village rally, CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.167,0,2) successsfully sacrificed in Henderson for the winning run. W: Suzy Q Perkins (1-0, 9.00); L: Kid Ferdinand (0-1, 8.53); S: Loopy Alice Otter (1,0.00)

Crabs 0-4 Hollers – Piggville produced a burst of 10 hits and 4 runs to move within a game of a sweep over Harbour Bay today at The Pig Pen. Mgr/SP Babe Appleby held the Crabs to a mere 2 hits and went the distance in his impressive debut. Babe’s scruffy effort was amply supported by the hitting of LF Cale Christianson (.429,0,2), who produced two run-scoring doubles off beleaguered Mgr/SP Al Good. W: Babe Appleby (1-0, 0.00); L: Al Good (0-1, 3.86); PoG: Babe Appleby

Kin 1-2 Burners – There was no stroll in the park today for Burner SP Frowny Malloy, despite limiting The Kin to 4 hits over 8 innings. Counterpart SP/Mgr Cueball Smith was only a tad off the pace – allowing 5 and 1 – in a tight game that ended with the tying run stranded on second. Salemwich 3B Innocence O’Malley provided the winning margin with a RBI single in the 6th, scoring Tatty Pierce. W: Frowny Malloy (1-0, 1.04); L: Cueball Smith (0-1, 2.25); S: Lovie Smith (1,0.00); PoG: Frowny Malloy

[Celtic Forever]

Bullies 8-0 All Stars – Home runs by Bullies’ RF Dummy Hawhaw (.455,1,3) and 1B Princess Patsy (.333,1,6) fired Grimside to a thoroughly deserved victory over Citypark at Big City Ballpark tonight. Grimside SP Holy Hale, making her debut, kept the homesiders at bay, recording 6 strikeouts and scattering 6 hits over 9 innings. W: Holy Hale (1-0, 0.00); L: Dooley McCooley (0-1, 9.00); PoG: Holy Hale

Crabs 6-7 Kin – Bumpkindale PH Spike Johnson cracked a game-winning RBI single, scoring Amy Earhart, to conclude a barn-burning affair at Kinfolk Korner before 10,580 spectators. Kin 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.462,0,2) had looked to deliver Bumpkindale earlier on the back of her 3 doubles and 2 RBI, but an 8th inning single from Crab SS Snooker Davies (.100,0,1), scoring Scooter Dane, set the game up for Johnson’s unexpected heroics. W: Agatha Jewel (1-0, 0.00); L: Mary Contrary (0-1,13.51); PoG: HB C Boobsy Daniels (4/5, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBI)

Hollers 3-2 Nightmares – Following a 50-minute rain delay, 1B Tuck Thompson (.500,1,2) poured more misery on winless Riverbottom with a 2-run, 9th inning homer in Piggville’s victory today. Thompson has certainly made mincemeat of Fantastic pitching thus far, continuing his torrid campaign and keeping the Hollers perfect for the season. Riverbottom rattled Piggville’s relief corps for 2 runs in the bottom of the 9th, but CL Saucy Smothers finally settled and struck out 2B Sunny Summers (.222,0,0) to preserve the win. W: Paperboy Daily (1-0,0.00); L: Mickey Fine (0-1,0.00); S: Saucy Smothers (1,0.00); PoG: PIG 1B Tuck Thompson (2/4, 1HR, 2RBI, 2R)

Burners 4-6 Blues – Salemwich’s desperate need for a closer was laid bare at The Village Green as West Village rallied for 3 8th-inning runs against CL Pippi Long to secure a come-from-behind victory. Trailing 4-3 entering the bottom of the 8th, Blues C Primo Segundo (.364,1,5) and Mgr/2B August Brown (.333,0,4) failed to acknowledge the pressure as they delivered key RBI singles. RF Tubby Tomlinson scored on a fielder’s choice to account for the final tally. W: Miggy McIver (1-0,0.00); L: Lips Hallihan (0-1,27.03); S: Heck Martin (1,0.00); PoG: SAL 2B Punkinhead Slate (4/4,2B,R,2 RBI)

[Celtic Forever]

Crabs 12-2 Kin – Harbour Bay’s bats came alive in stunning fashion tonight as the FBL witnessed its first grand slam – off the bat of Crab 2B Prance Staley (.250,1,5). Matters stood at 4-2 entering the 6th inning when Kin SP Katie Currant was chased following a 10th base hit. RP Dot Ureye promptly surrendered two home runs – including C Boobsy Daniels’ 2nd of the year – and the rout was on. W: Dazzy Dandridge (1-0,1.00); L: Katie Currant (0-1,13.50); PoG: HB 2B Prance Staley (2/4,2R,5 RBI,1BB,1HR)

Hollers 13-2 Nightmares – 2B Dennis Mitchell lived up to his nickname – ‘The Menace’ – delivering a 3-run double in the 4th that blew open a tight 3-1 ballgame. That, and the stubborn resistance provided by the pitching of SP Ice Cream Jones, was enough to undo the Nightmares on the night. W: Ice Cream Jones (1-0,2.00); L: Blooey Blackman (0-1,9.00); PoG: PIG 2B Dennis Mitchell (1/4,2R,4RBI,1 2B)

Burners 6-5 Blues – West Village CL Heck Martin walked in 3B Innocence O’Malley (.375,0,2) for the winning run as the Blues ruined a fine come-from-behind effort in the 9th. 2B August Brown (.353,0,5) had singled in substitute Frankie Four-Eyes to send the game into extra-innings, only to watch on as Martin delivered two free passes and RF Tubby Tomlinson dropped a can of corn to ruin the fun. W: Pippi Long (1-0,6.00); L: Heck Martin (0-1,4.50); PoG: SAL 2B Punkinhead Slate (3/5,1R,3RBI,2 2Bs,1 3B)

Bullies 5-7 All Stars – Citypark C Merry Patterson (.214,2,3) broke her slump to slam the winner – a 2-run homer in the bottom of the 9th off Grimside CL Max Dout. The Bullies had just rallied from a 5-3 deficit in the top of the 9th when 1B Princess Patsy (.400,2,10) delivered two runs with an RBI single. In all, the game featured three home runs – a current FBL record. W: Loopy Alice Otter (1-0,9.00); L: Max Dout (0-1,27.03); PoG: GRI 1B Princess Patsy (2/3, 2R, 4 RBI, HR)