Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[The Funk]

There's quite a talented young pitcher playing for minnesota, can't remember his name. Could be ready to break into the majors with some relief work. Might be worth looking into.

[cknox0723]

7/25

Mark Buehrle (9-5, 2.79) says he is ready to go despite being just three days removed from a six inning, 84 pitch outing in an 8-5 victory over the hapless Felines. There is an off day on the schedule tomorrow, and Michael Nannini (5-2, 2.68) has been less than stellar working in regular rotation - both of his losses have come on 4-day rest, and his lone win under such a scenario was only a five-inning start. The 26 year old lad has been brilliant otherwise, so it makes sense to play those odds and go with Buehrle in this one, especially with a tough opponent in fellow southpaw Jimmy Gobble (7-4, 3.75). Fun Fact: Gobble's matchup against Jon Garland in some meaningless game last year inspired the irresistable nickname "Jon Moo." Don't believe me? Click here.

Unfortunately our strapping southpaw throws up a stinker that "Jon Moo" would be proud of. Buehrle's hit early, not recording an out until the fifth batter of the first inning. He's hit late, giving up a couple more runs in his last inning of work, the fifth, and he's even hit by Kansas catcher Chad Moeller, as the .215 hitter takes Buehrle's third pitch of the second inning up and way, way out over the left-center field wall for his first big fly of the season. But more than anything, "The Buehrle One" just wasn't in this go-round; 106 pitches and six walks in five innings, one start after a six-inning, 84-pitch gem?

Should've gone to Nannini. As it turns out, that's the man who replaces Buehrle...just so the right-hander can get some work in. The opposing pitcher Gobble is the first man he faces, and after taking ball one high and ball two wide...crack, a base hit for the pitcher. Of course it leads to more runs, ones that we come nowhere near matching.

Buk bawk! It's like a bad joke, this team getting white-hot, enough so that I push all the chips in and make the big trade. Now all of a sudden we are cold fish, and with another Cleveland win, just four games up in the division. One of their many young right-handers, "Dirk" Dittler, evened his record at 8-8 with seven-plus shutout innings. Dave Riske tallied his twenty-second save and that was made possible by RBI hits in the third and fifth by number three hitter and right fielder "Odysseus" Gerut.

The rain dance is working for the Tribe, but not here. Even getting a few solid innings out of Nannini after his sixth-inning debacle was no solace; plating two runs in the ninth to make the final score three-seven was just frustrating. These off-days down the stretch should help to ensure that we're on, but this club has gone from hot to not in a matter of two games, and now I'm just happy we won't lose another one tomorrow.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

There's quite a talented young pitcher playing for minnesota, can't remember his name. Could be ready to break into the majors with some relief work. Might be worth looking into.

Here is a bit of levity after two rough losses...a dynasty entirely written in vague, generalized descriptions.

"Played a game today. Men ran onto the field wearing gloves, one dressed as though he was an astronaut. Another man waved a big hunk of lumber and slashed it viciously through the air when a little white ball came flying at him. The ball traveled very fast in many different directions. Spectators cheered. At the end, everyone went home."

A slightly more esoteric slant at an off-field event:

"Swapped with a team in the other sub-league for a player to man the outfield, and only gave up a five-star in A-ball, aged 25. He won't reach his prodigious talents. Haha, what a steal! Heap upon me praise, and deride Schuerholz and Beane for never thinking up such a brilliant trade. Thwap will go the ball off this 83-76-55-64-87's bat, and with a flash of leather and a clap of thunder, Gold Gloves will fan upon his chiseled 87-99-78 physique."

"omg great trade! p\/\/4ge! what ratings r u using?

thx keep up the good work!!! go team go!"

"Thanks for your reply. I am using a scale of ten for other ratings and 2-8 for batting and pitching. Also I change the AI weights by 3.7% in descending alphabetical order every month. I feel this provides the most realistic assessment of what a major league GM would have to face and thus maximises my gaming experience.

Here is a bump to remind myself to update."

Finally, the vague, generalized signup thread - where YOUR PACKAGE OF BINARY DIGITS, too, can be a star:

"Love metsgeek's threads so wanted to start another one. Please remember to submit your ratings in Morse Code in the signup thread. Here is the newest update:

The Funk, your player was in A-ball.
ifspuds, your pitcher played since he is on a really bad team. And he even won one!
Vris, your player was released and is playing for the free agents now. No stats listed. "

[cknox0723]

Also, the very. very vague, somewhat encoded Pale Hose thread:

Originally Posted by The Funk

There's quite a talented young pitcher playing for minnesota, can't remember his name. Could be ready to break into the majors with some relief work. Might be worth looking into.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Francisco Liriano trading in-division bad too wild, anyway """""""""""""""" Loaiza sucks 24-1 24-1 24-1 24-1 24-1 24-1 24-1 trade.

I am in rare form tonight, I think. Too bad I work the morning shift these days.

[Vris]

Those are two of the most hilarious posts I have ever seen back to back.

Craig, you rule.

[The Funk]

What the hell does all that mean?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

What the hell does all that mean?

It means we have an off-day. Also that I had an 11-hour shift to work.

7/26

The concern for Pale Hose faithful should be with division rivals Cleveland, who won a drawn-out pitcher's duel two to one over New York today on a thirteenth inning double steal followed by a sacrifice fly by fifth outfielder Coco Crisp. Our idleness allows the red-hot Tribe to slide within three-and-a-half of first place, the closest they've been since the calendar read June.

I'd be a fool not to be a little anxious that we're about to blow this thing, but I am the guy who thought it was a good idea to sign a 38 year old Piazza, after all. So instead I am preoccupied with giving thanks...

- Thanks, OOTP gods, for going all Iowa Baseball Confederacy on the Empire and not on our team. It's bad enough that the Yankees lost a long one to Cleveland, but it's borderline pitiful when you consider they were on the short end of a 21 inning game in Texas one day earlier.

There was a ballgame improbable enough after nine frames; the visiting Yankees erased an eight-three seventh inning deficit with four in the eighth off of a quartet of relievers and three more in the ninth, all off of Proven Closer (TM) John Smoltz...and then occasional closer Jay Powell blew it in the bottom of the ninth. All-Star 1B Teixeira connected on a one-out, run-scoring double and pinch-hitter Andrew Wishy, the 24 year old backup outfielder, cracked a line drive to right-center to tie the game two batters later. Another pinch-hitter, the young infielder Micah Furtado, stepped in then and there with the chance to win it, but his bouncer to second sent the game to extra innings.

Twelve innings later, somebody press the reset button and Furtado got his chance at a do-over in his fifth at-bat of the game, facing 24 year old southpaw Frederick Banta with Dave Dellucci at second representing the winning run. On a 2-1 fastball clocked at 87 miles per hour, the youngster took his hack and socked a line drive over shortstop; left fielder Randy Winn's throw was predictably feeble and Dellucci slid into home to give the home team the W in your garden-variety 11-10, 21-inning ballgame. Right-hander Dewon Brazelton threw nine shutout innings in relief to improve his record to eight and seven. Banta's first major-league loss came in a relief outing where he battled his control terribly, walking eight...while pitching seven-and-two-thirds innings. Mark Teixeira, the number five batter for Texas, was more productive in one ballgame than I think Juan uribe was for the Pale Hose all last year - the Texas 1B was five for ten with a double, a home run, and five runs batted in. Shortstop Fred Bynum was oh-for-nine with three strikeouts to lower his season batting line to .181. 1B Jason Giambi was four for ten for the Empire, coming a triple short of the cycle, but despite his ninth-inning heroics (a go-ahead two-run HR off of Smoltz), the Yankees still fell short. It just took the length of two-plus regular ballgames to earn that one loss. And then the thirteen-inning loss to Cleveland.
Karma.

- Also, I must thank the OOTP gods for not allowing the 24 year old southpaw Jay Marshall of Seattle to become a star. Sent to the left coast in the trade that ridded us of craptastic infielder Juan Uribe and gave us next to nothing (AAA 3B Shea Hillenbrand) in return, Marshall was just a young, left-handed afterthought. And why not? Certainly a man who has never pitched to better than a .500 record in three years at AA would be a beforethought, and even if his strikeout rate had improved, this kid allowed 37 runs in 39 innings (8 starts) in a late-season AAA call-up. Not worth a thought in the slightest.

But spring-training work with pitching coach Rod Metzger gave Marshall a new weapon this year, a circle changeup, and his always-solid control remained while the hit rate dropped precipitously as batters had to contend with something besides flaming cheddar and still-steaming splitters. In 18 AAA starts, Marshall's won-los was a lukewarm 8-7, but his earned run average was a dazzling 2.39, second in all of mythical AAA land behind only San Diego's Matt Bruback. Finally tired of journeyman John Halama's piddling results, the major-league version of Jay Marshall was born on the fourth of July and there were fireworks a'plenty after his dazzling debut over Oakland, seven innings of shutout ball with seven strikeouts, more than enough for the W.

Since then, Marshall's made three starts and not made it through five innings in any of them. It is not a lack of stamina, but a lack of precision, as the left-hander has been forcibly removed thanks to an inability to control the big hit - five home runs allowed and five doubles in 90 or so batters faced. Sure, the kid is four starts into his young career and could still be an astronaut for all we know, but it would have been awfully painful to watch him carve up the American League at the very beginning of his career.

- Last but not least, thanks to the OOTP gods for not forcing me to watch Chris Scarborough carve up the league at the very beginning of his career. The former #3 overall pick, traded just a few short weeks ago in an all-in move to gun for the pennant, got a win in his ML debut with five-plus shutout innings and seven Dodger strikeouts, but as the kid proved in his second start, he is not really the Milwaukee ace, not yet. He put his ballclub in a quick first-inning hole against Saint Louis thanks to two walks and two stolen bases, and then left a hittable fastball out over the plate to cleanup man Jose Guillen, who thumped it to left-center to make it 2-0, visitors. Right fielder Trot Nixon followed suit with a liner into the corner and 3-0 was a hole that had grown to 4-0 after two innings, again catalyzed by Marlon Anderson getting on base and then stealing a base. This time the other Saint Louis outfielder, veteran Mike Tucker, got the RBI, though his was just on a simple looper over the infield.

Milwaukee battled back in the bottom of the second, aided by a fielding error by Guillen, and Scarborough's first major-league hit, a two-out single, cut the lead in half. And then suddenly it was all gone, as another former Pale Hose guy in right fielder Brian Anderson had jumped all over a hanging breaker and crushed it to straightaway center for a two-run tater. Third baseman Casey Blake poked a single to keep the inning alive, #3 hitter and Ordonez soundalike Geoff Jenkins cracked a double to right-center, and the home team had the edge, five to four. Scarborough breezed through the third, fourth, and fifth without pause, retiring nine in a row and allowing just one ball out of the infield, a harmless fly out. But an Alex Gonzalez double with one out in the top of the sixth would be followed by a Scott Rolen long ball to left, chasing Scarborough from the ballgame for good with his team again behind. They'd come back to tie in the ninth and actually win it in the tenth on a second error by Jose Guillen, but it's apparent that Milwaukee's dividends from the big trade won't begin to really pay off for some time.

P.S. Thanks of course to Vris and The Funk, spuds and BadluckinOOTP, orin2 and zukes and Y0DA and all of the other great folks who come up with such great and frequent replies.

[Vris]

Frequent reply!

[zukes]

speaking of frequent replies....

+1

[zukes]

Bump.

Also, any plans to move this to OOTP2006?

Any plans for an update?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by zukes

Bump.

Gracias.

Also, any plans to move this to OOTP2006?

Yeah, eventually. I have seen 2006 in all its glory thanks to the only OOTP-playing pal I have in this zip code (sorry, Mississauga is a long, lonely flight). It's really ambitious, which is kind of awe-inspiring, but I think it is just too unpolished right now. The play-by-play is choppy, and that will kill me, simming as slow as I do. There seem to be many issues with waivers and generally poor off-field AI; I have found some consistency with 6.12 so I will stick with that for now.

But I dare to dream about running the independent Atlantic League in conjunction with my Pale Hose league.

Any plans for an update?

Sure, one's comin' up. I would have had one earlier but unfortunately I have been in this padded room for the past two weeks. Here is a tip - if you are going to wander around the streets late at night half-clothed, mutter something other than "Scarborough, Scarborough, Scarborough" over and over, 'cause ain't no cop gonna think that's your dog's name.

[cknox0723]

7/27 - 7/29

Infielder Dave Berg of Toronto and Roseville, CA is just another ballplayer in this universe. There are so many others sort of like him that you'd be excused if you lost track, even if the guy is hitting a career high .292 at a spritely young age. But while Berg is as unremarkable as his below-average .317 on-base percentage, crazy Canadian management has thrust him into a remarkable circumstance. A more enterprising sort could make a sitcom out of it, complete with stereotypical sitcom neighbor who would scream out at inappropriate moments how much Berg really SUCKS at everything from laying down the sacrifice to simply breathing air like the rest of us ("Suck it in, *******, come on now! Now breathe OUT!").

But maybe this wonderful OOTP game is screaming that in its own way, because the thirty-six year old will be stuck in fourth-place Canadian purgatory for at least the remainder of the season, since the powers above him have decided against a trade to the FIRST-PLACE Pale Hose for young outfielder Clinton King (.320, 13 HR in 165 AAA AB, .235/.279/.348 in 115 in MLB). Coming thisclose to playing on a contender yet seeing it go awry might be punishment enough, but the real kick in the pants is that Berg lost his starting shortstop's spot two weeks ago when Toronto received 22 year old former All-Star BJ Upton as their end of a three-way deal.

So he's resigned to sitting the bench for the majority of his club's three-game set with (hey!) the Pale Hose, and if Berg has become a masochist and is actively rooting against his own ballclub, it ends up well for all involved.

The game on Thursday 7/27 goes into the books as a 4-3 victory for the good guys on the home team. Unfortunately Jon Garland's seven-inning, two run effort isn't enough to get him credit for the W; a solo home run to right field by pinch-hitter Russ Adams with one out in the ninth sullies what would have been a three-to-two ballgame. Hypothetical scapegoat Joe Roa (5-4) ends up with a win on the ledger and in the sappiest of scenarios. 39 year old Frank Thomas, batting .163/.218/.287 and one-for-22 this month, singles over a drawn-in infield with none out in the bottom of the ninth to bring home Jack Wilson and give occasional closer Geoff Geary the black mark on his record (though mop-up man Kip Wells, who started the inning, gets the loss).

The next day, the B.J.'s get a laugh when our moundsman Esteban Loaiza drops his season record to 10-5 with a kind demonstration of his keen poise of "The Art of Suck." It is vintage Esteban, the Loaiza of a year and 300,000 posts ago - 4.2 IP, 8 H, 4 R, 6 BB, 6 K, 107 pitches. To get the W, all opposing right-hander Brad Penny (7-6, 3.96) really has to do is stay on the mound; he goes one step further by poking one-base hits in the second, fourth, and fifth innings to provide himself with more than enough cushion so that the three runs he allows are no big deal. The final score is only five to three, Canadians, but the opposing side's parade of batters (42) and stolen bases (4) more properly reflect their dominance, or more accurately Esteban's predisposition to **** the bed once in a while.

But the rubber match is the Pale Hose coup de grace, for the twelfth time out of nineteen this season. The 34 year old twice-repaired Ryan Franklin defies the odds and the dinky opposing singles for seven innings, though as Jason Davis (6-9, 4.02) goes above & beyond Franklin's performance, it looks as though the enhanced Arkansasian would come up on the short end for the fifth time this year. But Frank Catalanotto's two-run round-tripper with two out in the eighth swings the pendulum back in our favor...yet only temporarily, as again a pinch-hitter is Joe Roa's undoing. This time it is 25 year old Scott Thorman, "Delgado's Legs" if such a moniker would ever spread. (As Carlos has only missed three games this season and is fourth in the AL in home runs at age 35, I doubt it) Thorman may not have a nickname, but we feel Thor(man)'s wrath when his two-out single to right ties up another low-scorer, three-three.

But once again, Scylla and Charybdis get dually decapitated in the ninth. Aqui Lopez starts the inning by plunking pinch-hitter Wil Cordero, bringing on semi-proven closer Geoff Geary. Scintillating slash hitters Vazquez and Podsednik make quick outs, but bopping outfielders Ordonez and Wells don't, and their consecutive singles plate pinch-runner Miguel Olivo and send the home crowd bounding ward happily.

[rem]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

7/27 - 7/29

Infielder Dave Berg of Toronto and Roseville, CA is just another ballplayer in this universe. There are so many others sort of like him that you'd be excused if you lost track, even if the guy is hitting a career high .292 at a spritely young age. But while Berg is as unremarkable as his below-average .317 on-base percentage, crazy Canadian management has thrust him into a remarkable circumstance. A more enterprising sort could make a sitcom out of it, complete with stereotypical sitcom neighbor who would scream out at inappropriate moments how much Berg really SUCKS at everything from laying down the sacrifice to simply breathing air like the rest of us ("Suck it in, *******, come on now! Now breathe OUT!").

But maybe this wonderful OOTP game is screaming that in its own way, because the thirty-six year old will be stuck in fourth-place Canadian purgatory for at least the remainder of the season, since the powers above him have decided against a trade to the FIRST-PLACE Pale Hose for young outfielder Clinton King (.320, 13 HR in 165 AAA AB, .235/.279/.348 in 115 in MLB). Coming thisclose to playing on a contender yet seeing it go awry might be punishment enough, but the real kick in the pants is that Berg lost his starting shortstop's spot two weeks ago when Toronto received 22 year old former All-Star BJ Upton as their end of a three-way deal.

So he's resigned to sitting the bench for the majority of his club's three-game set with (hey!) the Pale Hose, and if Berg has become a masochist and is actively rooting against his own ballclub, it ends up well for all involved.

The game on Thursday 7/27 goes into the books as a 4-3 victory for the good guys on the home team. Unfortunately Jon Garland's seven-inning, two run effort isn't enough to get him credit for the W; a solo home run to right field by pinch-hitter Russ Adams with one out in the ninth sullies what would have been a three-to-two ballgame. Hypothetical scapegoat Joe Roa (5-4) ends up with a win on the ledger and in the sappiest of scenarios. 39 year old Frank Thomas, batting .163/.218/.287 and one-for-22 this month, singles over a drawn-in infield with none out in the bottom of the ninth to bring home Jack Wilson and give occasional closer Geoff Geary the black mark on his record (though mop-up man Kip Wells, who started the inning, gets the loss).

The next day, the B.J.'s get a laugh when our moundsman Esteban Loaiza drops his season record to 10-5 with a kind demonstration of his keen poise of "The Art of Suck." It is vintage Esteban, the Loaiza of a year and 300,000 posts ago - 4.2 IP, 8 H, 4 R, 6 BB, 6 K, 107 pitches. To get the W, all opposing right-hander Brad Penny (7-6, 3.96) really has to do is stay on the mound; he goes one step further by poking one-base hits in the second, fourth, and fifth innings to provide himself with more than enough cushion so that the three runs he allows are no big deal. The final score is only five to three, Canadians, but the opposing side's parade of batters (42) and stolen bases (4) more properly reflect their dominance, or more accurately Esteban's predisposition to **** the bed once in a while.

But the rubber match is the Pale Hose coup de grace, for the twelfth time out of nineteen this season. The 34 year old twice-repaired Ryan Franklib defies the odds and the dinky opposing singles for seven innings, though as Jason Davis (6-9, 4.02) goes above & beyond Franklin's performance, it looks as though the enhanced Arkansasian would come up on the short end for the fifth time this year. But Frank Catalanotto's two-run round-tripper with two out in the eighth swings the pendulum back in our favor...yet only temporarily, as again a pinch-hitter is Joe Roa's undoing. This time it is 25 year old Scott Thorman, "Delgado's Legs" if such a moniker would ever spread. (As Carlos has only missed three games this season and is fourth in the AL in home runs at age 35, I doubt it) Thorman may not have a nickname, but we feel Thor(man)'s wrath when his two-out single to right ties up another low-scorer, three-three.

But once again, Scylla and Charybdis get dually decapitated in the ninth. Aqui Lopez starts the inning by plunking pinch-hitter Wil Cordero, bringing on semi-proven closer Geoff Geary. Scintillating slash hitters Vazquez and Podsednik make quick outs, but bopping outfielders Ordonez and Wells don't, and their consecutive singles plate pinch-runner Miguel Olivo and send the home crowd bounding ward happily.

^^^ Talent I have not

[The Funk]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

It is not a lack of stamina, but a lack of precision, as the left-hander has been forcibly removed thanks to an ability to control the big hit - five home runs allowed and five doubles in 90 or so batters faced.

Inability?

P.S. Thanks of course to The Funk who comes up with such great and frequent replies.

I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked, I got thanked. I am officially better than all of you.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

Inability?

Right. Also the phrase "34 year old twice-repaired Ryan Franklib" that you can see in the previous post's quote, it was not some sort of political thrust but a mere typo.

I fixed it, I fixed it, I am better than all of you.

[cknox0723]

7/30

What do you say about a game with an eight to one score after three innings are in the books? If you're Santa Barbara City College on 2/4/06, you wax philosophical about slugfests and victorious comebacks.

If you're the Pale Hose circa 2007, you're golden, especially with $50 million man Mark Buehrle on the hill against a mediocre Minnesota offense. He coasts through another third of the game before making way for little lefty Fabio Castro, who wriggles three hitless innings out of that bronzed left wing.

The right-handed starter for the home half, Doug Waechter, saw his season record drop to one below .500 and his career mark to just one above the break-even mark with this two-plus inning outing, his shortest of the season. Chicago Leadoff man Vazquez did much damage, reaching base all five times up, with three singles and two walks, and double play partner Kennedy went 2-4 with a double and three runs scored batting in the seventh hole. Cleanup man Vernon Wells provided the one big punch of the game with a three-run third inning home run that ultimately chased Waechter, but the dozens of little Pale Hose jabs (13 hits, 7 walks) would have been more than enough for a technical knockout.

[cknox0723]

7/31

Interview with the manager after the ballgame:

On getting an asskicking, a final score of 5-3 in favor of the third-place Twins, who were up three-zip after 2

It's happened so infrequently this season that I'd almost forgotten how easily it elicits a display of frustration. Makes you want to unleash some Satanical chant..."111111-one-1111111111-one-11111" to get it out of your system.

On the losing pitcher, right-hander Mike Nannini (5-3), who needed 100 pitches to just barely eke out a five-inning start

Nannini's stuff just wasn't dancing today like it usually is. I patted 'im on the butt just before and said he must've forgot the Viagra today. The kid laughed, so I think we'll keep 'im for a few more starts.

On winning pitcher Ben Sheets (11-5), who allowed three runs (none earned) in eight innings

Sure, the boy's fastball was hopping and we couldn't touch his curve, but you have to remember this is a guy who's gone six starts without allowing a walk, and our guys walked twice. Kid's fanned a dozen on more than one occasion, and we only had 6 K's today. We're gettin' around to him. Just wait 'til he comes to town on December 19th.

On the losing side's three-run sixth inning rally that fell short when Frank Catalanotto bounced to third base to end the inning

I'm always telling Frank that he shouldn't be hitting the ball where the fielders are. Don't know why that boy don't listen.

On tology

I Kant explain it, but I know it when I see it.

On the organization standing pat as the trade deadline approached and then passed by

We've picked up some All-Star players already in Wells and Podsednik and some other seasoned pros. This is the ballclub we're going to win with.

Quite a proclamation there. I hope this guy knows what he's talking about.

[The Funk]

Ben ****ing Sheets

[DAL 9000]

Auuuugh. The Kant pun... auuuuugh. For shame!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by DAL, back from the dead by reincarnation?

Auuuugh. The Kant pun... auuuuugh. For shame!

Sorry, can't resist sometimes. Trust that it is not just cknox0723 who does that, but also the guy behind the OOTPD username. It is part of my charm.

Originally Posted by The Funk

Ben ****ing Sheets

Agreed. However, I was surprised to learn that Sheets is actually just 4-4 against us since the Pale Hose became...the Pale Hose. One of these days, I will do a little digging and see who is actually worth of the nickname *******.