Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

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Originally Posted by BadluckinOOTP

Originally Posted by Vris

Only teams as good as yours Craig. Congrats!

Originally Posted by ifspuds

MIGUEL!

Doesn't have the same ring as YORVIT! but it'll do on this occasion. Go Pale Hose!

took the words right out of my mouth, you three!

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based on the Wilco tune the lonely 1

After the game, you walked right past
Arms reached out for your autograph
And as you flashed your clubhouse pass,
I caught your eye with a sideways glance

The team came out, they stood behind you
Oversized foam hands crashed, faces went blue
You stood alone on the pitcher's mound
Little white baseballs flying all around

And you, you were the Buehrle One
You were...the Buehrle One

When you perform, it's so intense
When the critics pan, I write in your defense
I understand I am just a baseball text sim fan, I'm just a fan

When I play the OOTP, turn off the anti-virus
Turn on the radio, it's Billy Ray Cyrus
I play the song called "Achy Breaky Heart"
I play that song just to think of Mark

'Cause you, you're the Buehrle One
You are...the Buehrle One
You...You're the Buehrle One
You are...the Buehrle One

[ifspuds]

Okay, I admit I'm a little biased as far as Wilco goes, but that was brilliant.

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Originally Posted by ifspuds

Okay, I admit I'm a little biased as far as Wilco goes, but that was brilliant.

thanks, spuds. i know it doesn't quite convey the moody brilliance of "the lonely 1," what with the anti-virus/billy ray cyrus line and all, but i had been contemplating that post for a long, long time and i was proud of how it came out.

i know most folks whose last name is not watson didn't quite understand that post, so...don't worry, there will be more, ones that only me and john holway will understand! and go, please, do yourself a favor and pick up a wilco disc -- any of 'em. they are, by my proclamation, the official band (tm) of the pale hose and your ears will thank you.

and if you thought there was no point to that little take-off on jeff tweedy's brilliant song craft -- well, maybe you were right, but check this next post out before you decide.

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game xv - cle (6-9) @ chw (4-10)

last year: a sweep of cleveland behind a squeeze from julio f. lugo and a swing and a drive by jeremy reed

this year: c. bartosh (1-1, 2.35) vs. m. buehrle (0-2, 4.29)

CHICAGO -- The ballgame between the Tribe of Cleveland and the Pale Hose of Chicago opened up with both sides going down three in a row. The only non-out occured in the bottom half, a leadoff single by Chicago shortstop Aneudi Cuevas, but catcher Miguel Olivo rapped a sharp ground ball to third baseman Spiezio, who started an around-the-horn double play.

The meat of a second inning sandwich was not whatever the concession workers may call liverwurst, but a short fly out to left-center by Mark Bellhorn. The bread of that sandwich was a pair of tasty whole-grain hits by the men manning the left side of Cleveland's infield, Angel Berroa and Scott Spiezio. Backstop Josh Bard drew a walk out of Buehrle's hat, but the southpaw responded with a laser show, dazzling Corey Patterson and sending him back to the bench after four flashes of light. The pitcher Bartosh hit one right back to his fellow moundsman, and Buehrle and the Sox were no worse for the wear.

With the game still scoreless heading into the top of the third, Buehrle quickly got into trouble again, allowing a leadoff single to Ray Durham that would have gone for an extra base had the Cleveland second baseman not slipped rounding first base. Alex Escobar followed with a sharp single to left, putting two men on for the heart of the Cleveland order, but left fielder Shannon Stewart got under a beefy fastball, and one must only assume that he stewed in the dugout as shortstop Berroa grounded into a fielder's choice and first baseman Bellhorn softly lined one to his counterpart, Frank Thomas. Again, Buehrle had escaped trouble, but it was apparent he was living on the edge. He did his best to help himself out with the bat, bunting Jeffrey Hammonds over to third after the veteran outfielder led off the bottom of the third with a two-base hit into the left field corner. But Aneudi Cuevas took an ugly swing at a 2-2 slider, missing it by three feet, and Miguel Olivo promptly grounded the first pitch he saw to third base, wasting the two-base hit and keeping the game at zeroes.

Perhaps Buehrle needed to see that this game was going to be won by the contributions he made with his arm, and not his bat, because he stayed out of trouble in the fourth, inducing Corey Patterson to hit into a 4-6-3 double play, erasing Josh Bard's one-out single and ending the half-inning. The Pale Hose stepped up, and this time it was Magglio Ordonez leading off with a double and Frank Thomas moving him over to third base. Raul Gonzalez played the role of Aneudi Cuevas in this most fascinating adaptation of the third inning, except...

Raul Gonzalez is not Aneudi Cuevas. Instead of swinging through a 2-2 slider, Gonzalez took a hack at the first hittable pitch he saw and lofted a fly ball out to Alex Escobar, who made a valiant effort to throw a 250-foot laser beam to the plate to nail Ordonez and keep the game tied. Alex Escobar is not the Bionic Man. He could not.

Alex Escobar is also not much of a hitter. He did not bother to take a hack at 1-2 fastball with two outs in the fifth, instead choosing to get punched out on strikes. In the eighth, he did at least take a swing, but it was at Mark Buehrle's first pitch, one that it was in the dirt. All Mr. Escobar could do was manage a weak ground ball to short, which was quickly converted by Aneudi Cuevas into the inning's third out.

But Alex Escobar shouldn't be ashamed. They say a ballplayer's doing good if he's getting a hit 3 times out of 10. Escobar only made two outs in his last two at-bats of this game. It happens.

Problem is, it also happened to the rest of the team. After the third inning, Mark Buehrle didn't allow a hit. When the book was closed on this ballgame, he'd thrown a hundred and six pitches -- and the second complete game shutout of the year by a Chicago American League White Sock. Esteban Loaiza tossed the first on April thirteenth, eight days ago against New York.

The Pale Hose are a half-game back of the defending World Champions from Cleveland.



CLE 0 CHW 2

WP: M. Buehrle (1-2) - CG, 5 H, 1 BB, 4 K
LP: C. Bartosh - 7 IP, 6 H, 2 R

[Vris]

Now THAT'S the Mark Buehrle we all know and love. Whoa, is that 3 in a row? And a whole post in italics?

I must say, that is a quality post. Excellent job on all accounts Craig.

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Originally Posted by Vris

Now THAT'S the Mark Buehrle we all know and love. Whoa, is that 3 in a row? And a whole post in italics?

it's a great world when one can make a whole post in italics. i just figured i'd do something different, so that was my take on one of those silly associated press game recaps.

Originally Posted by vris

I must say, that is a quality post. Excellent job on all accounts Craig.

i appreciate the kinds words, mang. i must say, i was happy with how it turned out as well. on all accounts!

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game xvi - cle (6-10) @ chw (5-10)

last year: shingo is japanese for goat

this year: c.c. sabathia (1-1, 2.38) vs. j. garland (0-2, 9.00)

Two years in a row, a moribund Pale Hose month has been broken up just slightly by a not-so-moribund series against a Cleveland team. The Tribe are a club that didn't get off to a very quick start last year -- like the 2003 Marlins, they caught fire in the second half. Again they have stumbled out of the gate this year.

But look at the pitchers they've thrown at us. A Cy Young winner in Beckett, a 20-game winner in Bartosh, and now C.C. Sabathia, who is not a whole heck of a lot worse than our ace, Mark Buehrle, a fine pitcher in his own right. And who do we have? Jon F. Moo, a man missing the letter 'h' in his first name and nicknamed for the all-too-often rank smell of his pitching. We can't keep up with the Cleveland ballclub in the long run.

But in mid-April, apparently we can. Garland comes out throwing hard and throwing strikes in this one. Leadoff man Corey Patterson strikes out on a nasty 1-2 curveball. Victor Martinez connects with the third pitch he sees and bounces it over to third. Shea Hillenbrand converts the out without a problem. Jody Gerut bloops a two-out hit just over the infield, but Ben Broussard grounds out to second and the first frame's over.

Aneudi Cuevas leads off the bottom of the inning by letting C.C. Sabathia's first three pitches pass, two of which are best served cold. The fourth pitch from the Cleveland southpaw is a fastball, right down the middle. Cuevas takes a hack and bat and ball are struck by lightning as they connect. The ball soars high and far and away over the left field fence. From A-ball to a new organization to his first major league home run, all in the span of a few months. It's a grand existence we live.

It's a grand existence we live, too. For a few games, this otherwise ordinary club has caught fire. The first inning is just a microcosm of this game and this recent streak of winning. I keep expecting Jon F. Moo to start walking people, or maybe just to walk off the mound, but instead he just keeps getting outs, in the oddest of ways. At one blink of the eye, he's unable to retire the pitcher Sabathia, who singles in the third and then the fifth. Yet Garland's making Corey Patterson and Ben Broussard look more like...Joe Borchard and Frank Thomas.

With two out in the bottom of the third, Miguel Olivo cracks a shot that rolls around in the left field corner, allowing him to end up on second base. Magglio Ordonez follows in kind, except that he gets thrown out at second by Shannon Stewart, of all the rag-armed dolls on the planet, but Olivo's run still counts.

It's an insurance run that we sorely need as Garland finally cracks in the sixth, allowing two-out hits to "Raggedy Shannon" Stewart and then Ray Durham...but Angel Berroa grounds a ball to third baseman Hillenbrand, who chucks it to second to complete an inning-ending force out. Maybe we don't need that run.

Victor Martinez hits a fly ball out in the territory of Raul Gonzalez to end the seventh inning, instead of smacking a hit to bring home Joe Crede and allow the frame to continue. I let Garland hit for himself with two outs in the bottom of the seventh and the bags lonely, but after he grounds out and then walks Jody Gerut to start the eighth, I bring on southpaw Mike Gallo.

Apparently it was against his will, because Gallo walks Ben Broussard on four pitches. Then, improbably, he can't find the plate against Shannon Stewart, causing me to wonder whether I actually warmed him up, or whether there's some new intentional walk signal that I don't know about or something. Ball five, ball six, ball seven, ball eight. It's like a horrible, horrible Jim Bouton novel about the mating habits of the beaver.

Twelve eighth-inning pitches, zero strikes. No one out. Here comes yet another blown save, right?

Pfft. I leave Gallo in because I once had a teacher by that name that was real nice to me, and also because if he came back to the dugout now, I'd probably do a cup check. With a freaking claw hammer. But Ray Durham takes one ball, then another, then a third. No joke. Fifteen straight pitches out of the zone since this inning started, twelve of them thrown by the man on the mound. That's sad enough that I'm not even going to be able to laugh when we lose this game.

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Originally Posted by cknox

Fifteen straight pitches out of the zone since this inning started, twelve of them thrown by the man on the mound. That's sad enough that I'm not even going to be able to laugh when we lose this game.

I can laugh after the outcome of the at-bat, though. Gallo underhands a ball to finally ring up a strike, then throws one with a little more gusto on it. Durham takes a cut, figuring why the hell not with the bags full and no one out, and he strikes a hard bouncing ball. One with eyes.

Eyes staring right at Enrique Wilson. One of those quirks of baseball -- a good swing, solid contact -- and two outs for your trouble.

Fine by me.

Kiko Calero comes on to get out of the inning, needing just three pitches to strand two more Cleveland runners. And I can't help but be a little more satisfied that it's Joe Crede making that final out of the eighth inning, hitting a weak little pop fly to shallow center.

Aneudi Cuevas and Magglio Ordonez get hits and steal bases and for all I know, find a cure for all that ails the human heart before there's even two outs in the bottom of the eighth, and Frank Catalanotto brings 'em both home with a pinch-hit base knock. "Mercurial Kiko" Calero is perfect in the ninth, and, if only for a day, we are the fourth-place Chicago White Sox.



CLE 1 CHW 4

WP: J. Garland (1-2) - 7 IP, 7 H, 1 R
LP: C.C. Sabathia (1-2) - 6 IP, 5 H, 2 R
S: K. Calero (1) - nine and a third scoreless this year

Wheeeee! This winning stuff is fun!!!

[Vris]

Chalk up a big win for the big club! Too bad you won't get that performance out of Jon Garland every time out.

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Originally Posted by Vris

Chalk up a big win for the big club! Too bad you won't get that performance out of Jon Garland every time out.

hey, garland did it for the last two months of last year, too -- if he keeps ahead of hitters and doesn't kill himself with the walks, he ain't too bad. of course, the same could be said for 4,000 other folks, some of whom are probably working for encyclopedia britannica.

but, you ain't kidding about a big win, my friend. this team is on fire! so, of course, it's time to go on another long digression that may or may not have anything to do with the pale hose. but i know that you, sir, will enjoy it, if nothing else.

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Originally Posted by Vris

Craig's a poet and he didn't even know it.

But I'm inclined to know more about how you really feel about this. Did Miguel Cairo play well last year (real universe) only because he was a Yankee? Do Yankees always play better than everyone else, no matter where they were last year? If it wasn't already 1 in the morning and I had killed all sorts of other time, I would investigate into this.

I guess what I'm saying, is that there tends to be a lot of factors into why some certain players "play over their heads", so to speak. Is it the awe of playing in New York? Is it just because "they needed a change of scenery"?

Oh I'm not done. There's more. I know we are only dealing with bits of 0's and 1's here, but it all does suffice to make a point. If you compare all of your players, even the bench and bullpen (forget about the minors..that's all subjective anyway...plus you don't even have ratings on so it doesn't matter) to the players on Cleveland, is it a fair comparison? Well no. Not all of Cleveland's players performed in Cleveland last year, just as some of yours did not perform in Chicago. But then what makes a decent sample size to show how well they will perform in Cleveland or Chicago? Is this even measurable? Has free agency ruined the game completely that we will never know just exactly how one player will perform on a certain team or in a certain city? Maybe it has to do with how well the players get a long andBaseball Mogul actually hit on something right. Will we ever know? Did I just waste over a hundred words on anything productive? I wish there was more time in a day so I could play with this stuff.


And Craig can quote me as much as he wants Y0DA. I need to get my popularity up! I need more votes for June Madness!

yes, i am using this quote again.

but it's because i've thought about it quite a bit since mr. fish first conjured it up late one night, and i think it's now finally time to do something besides kick ideas around my head. it's a pity that my supposed big step forward is...kicking these questions around in this forum, but maybe we'll learn something about why some players are considered good and others are joe crede. or perhaps we'll find out why crede can chew through outs like antacid tablets for an entire year in chicago, and then go to cleveland and hit six doubles in the first couple weeks. if by chance we don't come up with any answers to those questions...hey, at least it was something to do. something different.

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Originally Posted by Vris

Do Yankees always play better than everyone else, no matter where they were last year?

The first question you actually posed was something about Miguel Cairo, but he's a mediocre utilityman for second division team Oakland in this universe...which ain't too far off from where he stands with the Mutts in the real alternate reality! Why he played so well in pinstripes last year, I don't know, I guess you'd have to ask him.

But was it simply due to putting on the pinstripes? Is there some sort of contagious electricity that comes with wearing that uniform -- regardless of whether it's in my universe or the real one?

Take former White Sock "Shoeless Damaso" Marte. He lost 24 games for our club in 2004 and 2005 -- coming out of the bullpen. However, the southpaw was also the owner of the most electric fastball this club has ever really had. He goes to New York prior to last season in a trade, and -- BAM, one year, 56 innings, and a 1.91 earned run average later, he's set himself up for life with a big free-agent contract from Philadelphia. To say it is likely for a pitcher to shave 3.5 runs off his earned run average, as Marte did from 2005 to 2006 -- well, that's just silly. But he pitched in many more games and many more innings per game when he was toiling in obscurity with a club from Chicago. It is almost inevitable in that sort of situation that any pitcher will not enjoy as much success -- fatigue will certainly be a factor, but so, too, are the pitchers who came in after Marte when he was with the Pale Hose -- those guys aren't nearly as good as Dave Weathers and Jay Powell were last year. Here's an example: If Marte is facing the left-handed Ichiro! and gives up a leadoff infield hit, is it really his fault that Shingo Takatsu comes in afterward and gives up seven straight hits? But stick that scenario in the eighth inning of a tie game in 2005, and there's one of Marte's 14 losses. And though I'm way too lazy to find out if that actually happened, I have no doubt something like it did.

Now consider also that Ozzie Guillen or whoever the hell was managing this club two years ago might have often said, "Screw it," and not even bothered to pull out Marte when he obviously didn't have it, figuring what kind of relief is Shingo Takatsu going to provide? That'll kill the ERA, but those sort of situations tell little to nothing of a pitcher's true talent level. More than likely, the better pitchers will not fare quite as poorly in these situations, while P.J. Bevis or someone will give up eleven runs.

Or how about backstop Trey Lunsford, currently a Yankee in this universe? He's been one of the team's most pleasant surprises, hitting .375 in his first 40 at-bats this season. This is a man who is an established .250 hitter in Triple-A. Has he suddenly learned how to hit?

Well, no. 11 of his hits have come in four games; aside from that, he is 4 for twenty-two. More telling, the Yankees have averaged eight runs per game in the four games in which Lunsford has looked like a real, live ballplayer. This means it is not just him getting on base; it is Brian and Marcus Giles and Randy Winn and Jason Giambi, too.

"OK," you might be thinking, "But those are all good ballplayers. Shouldn't that mean Lunsford is pretty good, too?"

Ah -- something may look like a brownie and smell like a brownie, but it can still be dog doo. All of those good players getting on base in front of Lunsford, batting eighth, means he is getting the best possible chance to succeed that there is, aside from batting off a tee. With so many men on base, it is likely that the opposing pitcher, whether it was Jon Rauch or Mike Mussina or Josh Towers, was not at top form. More importantly, Lunsford had to get pitches to hit in those situations -- can't walk the eighth-place hitter if there's nowhere to put him, right? Especially when you have Giles or Winn or Jeter coming up at the top of the order.

Someone like Miguel Olivo or the dearly departed Jason LaRue didn't have that luxury, often coming up with the bases empty, or maybe Raul Gonzalez at first after a walk. The pitcher's going from the full windup then, and can really let the ball fly, because who the heck cares if he puts a man on? No wonder none of the guys at the bottom of our order hit last year. Obviously a Miguel Olivo is not much with the bat anyway; this is just another mark against him.

Trey Lunsford's not a .375 or even a .275 hitter. Neither is Miguel Olivo. One's lucky enough to be surrounded by prime talent; the other used to room with Julio Lugo. We know Olivo will end up hitting around .240 this year. Lunsford probably will, too, but somewhere in this little universe, there is a John Kruk drooling about how Lunsford is a gritty game-caller, and a clubhouse leader. Thing is, there's not really a difference between him and Hackin' Miggy except the place they're playing. It may not be electricity that has Lunsford's batting average at .375 or Marte with three pet bengal tigers, but it's definitely somethin' beyond a fluke of sample size. Chalk it up to circumstance, same as that $8 sandwich that you can buy at Starbucks. Neither of the earned run averages from the last two years of Damaso Marte's pitching line represent his true ability. Just the same, don't ignore 'em completely. They are most certainly on the record, forever.

One of these days, they'll be there for the Pale Hose. I might have to buy a megawatt generator to get 'em, but, hell, wouldn't you like to see US Cellular Field lit up like a Christmas tree?

[Vris]

I must say, that post is one of the most ingenious posts ever written on a message board. Why you bring it up now, I will never know. But now is just as good a time as any I suppose.

The case of Trey Lunsford is intriguing. But that, I fear, is an example of sample size. He's only had 40 at bats. If he's still hitting .375 with 60 RBIs and 5 walks at the AS break, then there might be higher powers in play, but with only 40 attempts to swing the bat, you can't put too much thought into that. I'd like an update on him from time to time. Question: Was he a fictional drafted rookie, or was he in the set you started with?

My point about the real life Miquel Cairo was that he was just another meddling utility infielder before he went to the Yanks last year, where 2nd baseman go to die (except Soriano, but 35 year olds don't count). Of course, that has nothing to do with OOTP in any respect. In fact, you bring this issue up at an opportune time, as 6.5 being out with the "Team Focus" feature. Rebuilding teams will now play more rookies and so forth, so maybe the issue is moot. But still, it's an interesting quandry.

I see you're attributing it to surroundings, more than actual ability. So in 5 years when Lunsford hits free agency and gets a huge $10 mil/yr contract to play in Petco and watches his average plummet to something that Mark Bellhorn would be proud of, then it will average out?

I like your thinking Craig. You think way too well at 1:00 AM.

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Originally Posted by Vris

I must say, that post is one of the most ingenious posts ever written on a message board. Why you bring it up now, I will never know. But now is just as good a time as any I suppose.

to be perfectly forthright, i am trying to come up with as many non-game replies as i can right now because -- just realized this the other day -- we haven't lost a game on this page, even under the 40-reply-per-page setting! four in a row, baby!

i plan to come up with a few more of those posts over the course of the season. your questions were excellent ones, and while i don't think i can necessarily provide answers, they're nice to toss around.

Originally Posted by Vris

The case of Trey Lunsford is intriguing. But that, I fear, is an example of sample size. He's only had 40 at bats. If he's still hitting .375 with 60 RBIs and 5 walks at the AS break, then there might be higher powers in play, but with only 40 attempts to swing the bat, you can't put too much thought into that. I'd like an update on him from time to time. Question: Was he a fictional drafted rookie, or was he in the set you started with?

yeah, i reckon you are absolutely right, that it is a case of sample size. however, while that number in the AB column is more of the reason that trey lunsford is hitting .375 than anything else, i really do believe that it is also because he is on such a good team.

as far as i know this gentlemen was in CBL's roster set from 2004 and a quick search of google shows that, yes, trey lunsford does exist. his career batting average in the minor leagues? .259. but in the majors, he's two for four. coincidence?

Originally Posted by Vris

My point about the real life Miquel Cairo was that he was just another meddling utility infielder before he went to the Yanks last year, where 2nd baseman go to die (except Soriano, but 35 year olds don't count).

i find placido polanco an interesting case as well. why is the real placido a very underrated ballplayer, one is fantastic defensively and gives you a nice batting average and a good OBP and some steals and doubles? the version of polanco in my universe had his batting average taper off into the .240's and now he's struggling to stay afloat as the sixth infielder for some national league west team, the padres or someone.

so i definitely understand your point, yeah, and share your, shall we say, curiousity. unfortunately nothing more than that, but it's a step in the right direction.

Originally Posted by Vris

Of course, that has nothing to do with OOTP in any respect. In fact, you bring this issue up at an opportune time, as 6.5 being out with the "Team Focus" feature. Rebuilding teams will now play more rookies and so forth, so maybe the issue is moot. But still, it's an interesting quandry.

still on 6.12 here and as of the moment no desire to upgrade. no qualms about the new version, not too poor, nothing like that. just happy with 6.12 with this league. it required a lot of editing of the original file to get to this point, but i am happy with this league now. i feel like i know the teams, there is not too much player movement, and best of all, anything i spot that doesn't sit well with me, i just undo. maybe a little cumbersome but it makes me happy and ain't that the point?

Originally Posted by Vris

I see you're attributing it to surroundings, more than actual ability. So in 5 years when Lunsford hits free agency and gets a huge $10 mil/yr contract to play in Petco and watches his average plummet to something that Mark Bellhorn would be proud of, then it will average out?

something like that, i think. definitely something like that.

Originally Posted by Vris

I like your thinking Craig. You think way too well at 1:00 AM.

nah, most of this is thought up either in the morning, or in the evenings while i watch a ballgame. i just can't get on the 'net much at those times.

thanks a bunch for the kind words. i appreciate it in this case more than usual, because this was quite a bit different from the normal post in here. when i am writing about something like ice cream or a sunrise, i feel like even though it has nothing to do with baseball, it still can be tied together, and if not, the stories are kind of neat anyway. that last post was a little out of my element, but your reply, sir, not to mention the lack of replies saying "u suk haha", gave me enough confidence to try it again, at some point.

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dontrelle willis is the first pitcher in these major leagues to be credited with four victories. amazing, huh? while his first three wins were mostly the result of six runs of support a game from his marlin teammates, his notch in the belt in saturday's 4-0 triumph over the mets was, to say the least, well-earned. he shut out last year's national league east champs, allowing their powerful lineup just four singles, two of which were struck by my boy, dmitri young, who's hitting .259. willis struck out ten, thrice making a victim of mediocre shortstop kaz matsui and veteran slugging center fielder jim edmonds, a high priced off-season addition. most promising of all, willis didn't allow a single free pass to first, a sharp contrast from the 3, 8, and 3 walks he handed out in his first three starts. the southpaw from oakland won thirteen games in each of the two seasons after his darling rookie of the year campaign in 2003, but dropped to 9-17 with a below-average 4.35 earned run average last year. however, he's still just 25 years old, and though i suspect he'll have to allow a home run eventually, there is no reason that the d-train can't roll to a career-high 15 victories this season.

joe borchard is hitting .148 for cincinnati, eight for fifty-four. he proved last year that he wasn't much of a hitter in any american league city; within a year or two, he'll have flailed away in every national league town, and that'll cover just about all of north america. next stop...mexico!

chris scarborough gave up 22 runs, 21 earned in seventy-four and a third frames in birmingham last year. he's given up the same exact number of runs, earned and unearned, in his four starts at triple-a charlotte this year. the only saving grace i can find is that scarborough has struck out 21 opposing batters, walked nine, and allowed twenty-three hits in those 23.1 frames in triple-a. those numbers aren't great -- certainly nothing like his auspicious 2006 debut -- but they do add up to something better than an 8.10 earned run average. they add up to something like a two and two record, which is exactly what the spindly right-hander from the university of virginia has got.

seven million dollar baby brady clark continued to cement his reputation as an "rbi machine" by jacking a two-run home run off of brandon duckworth with one out in the eighth to give the padres a 3-2 lead over the cardinals. they held onto that lead as young setup men tucker and rosales got the ball to trevor hoffman, who pitched a perfect ninth. clark, a 34 year old corner outfielder who has never driven in 100 runs, is only hitting .254 with 3 extra base hits in 63 at-bats so far this season, but he has brought home 13 runners.

want some hard evidence that as goes baltimore's pitching, so goes their club? they stole a 2-1 squeaker from the tigers at comerica when karim "the dream" garcia doubled home miggy tejada and brian roberts with one out in the top of the eighth. jacobo sequea had taken the ball from ryan hannaman in the middle of the previous inning, and after getting through the eighth, "tremolo" handed it off to mo rivera, who pitched a scoreless ninth to record his seventh save of the year, fifty-third overall with baltimore and forty-ninth since coming back from a gruesome arm injury suffered roughly two years ago. rivera has saved every single one of baltimore's victories this season...putting him on pace for, oh, 75 saves or so. look out, bobby thigpen!!!

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game xvii - kc (10-6) @ chw (6-10)

last year: first multi-post ballgame in pale hose history!!!

and we still lost!

this year: t. ritchie (0-1, 7.36) vs. e. loaiza (2-1, 2.49)

the ten and six kansas city royals? tied for first place, even? now, i know they finished second last year, but their record was a mediocre 82-80, and adding shortstop bill hall isn't exactly like bringing in jeter. most damning of all, they were even worse than the pale hose two seasons ago. but here they sit, tied for first with minnesota in this young 2007...but still the same old team.

Same old team with a 35 year old pitcher in the mound. We've got one of those, too, but Esteban Loaiza and Todd Ritchie have taken very different paths this season. Of course, Loaiza walks leadoff hitter Rich Thompson, who steals second on the first pitch to Irving Falu -- despite that very pitch being a pitchout. Then the 24 year old second baseman slices a line drive back up the middle, and just like that, our 35 year old pitcher looks like the same old guy he was last season. Except...

"Back up the middle and...oh, A DIVING CATCH by Vazquez! Thompson was off with the crack of the bat and Vazquez will tag the bag two steps ahead of him for a second out. Great positioning by Ramon Vazquez, creeping over towards the second base as the pitch comes in on the outside half, and then a fantastic acrobatic snag. And look at Esteban, saying, 'Yeah, I planned it that way,' pumping his fist in the air as Vazquez is scrambling over to tag second."

I don't think Esteban planned to follow that up by handing out another walk, this time to Mike Sweeney, and then throwing a chunky fastball that Bill Hall pastes right through the infield. Somehow, Eric Munson clone Greg Norton grounds out, and despite four straight lousy at-bats, it's still scoreless.

Todd Ritchie pitches a perfect first inning and a pang of worry crosses my mind, but Loaiza settles down and it goes away. It goes away until about the bottom of the third, when Munson and Torrealba have already made outs and I realize that the right-hander Ritchie has only thrown sixteen pitches in retiring our first eight hitters. After taking two strikes, Esteban hits a ground ball to short, and it looks as though Ritchie's well on his way to the fastest complete game ever...but Bill Hall pulls a Lugo and we have some life. Ramon Vazquez singles to right and there's runners at the corners, and maybe we've woken up from a three-inning slumber. I or Dan Pasqua or someone give him the green light since converted outfielder James Shanks is behind the plate, and he takes off on the first pitch and slides into second just in time. Second and third. Adam Kennedy, just about the hottest bat on the team, up at the plate. Here it comes...here it --

But he falls behind in the count, one and two. Ritchie misses high, but then comes in the zone with a nice pitch, a hard, sinking fastball, and Kennedy bounces one to short. Bill Hall fields the ball cleanly, crackles it across the infield, and we've got nuttin'.

[cknox0723]

Mike Sweeney leads off the top of the fourth with a hard-hit shot up the middle that kills about a thousand tiny insects on its way to the green, green grass in center field. Loaiza keeps the ball up in the zone after that, perhaps afraid of giving up more worm-burners, but instead he gets three fly-balls and survives, somehow. Still, I'm not liking this. I think it's the "Art of Suck" nickname. Every time I see that, I cringe. I mean, how would you feel if that was your nickname, especially when your ERA's 2.10? Poor Esteban.

After another uninspiring inning at bat -- is Raul Gonzalez ever going to hit the ball out of the infield? -- Loaiza looks like his new, dominant, 2007 form in the fifth, recording a strikeout and then a simple three-hop ground out. Then he gets ahead of his opposing pitcher one and two, fires in a nice four-seam fastball...and Todd Ritchie, fairly handy with the bat, gets a piece of it, knocking off a foul into the first base seats. Flustered, not expecting to still be pitching, Loaiza overthrows a couple fastballs and then bounces a slider in the dirt that Ritchie lays off of. Like so, he's walked the bloody pitcher, and that and an inspired moment from The Funk are why he's called "The Art of Suck."

But Rich Thompson grounds out to third, leaving another man on. It shouldn't be a surprise, really -- Esteban's only given up three hits. It just seems like more. That nickname...maybe...

And that nickname -- it doesn't extend to his handiwork with the bat. Esteban's a .175 career hitter, which ain't too bad for a pitcher. And when he comes up with two outs in the fifth and Frank Thomas at second, I get this odd feeling, and all of a sudden, Ritchie leaves a slider out over the plate, a swing, and, bang, the ball's flying into right field and we've got the lead.

And this feels like Little League all over again. Loaiza's thrown at least 25 more pitches than Ritchie at this point, and Ramon Vazquez struck out after that base hit to right, so our man's only got a 1-0 lead, but it doesn't matter. He gets two quick outs in the sixth, a comebacker and then a devastating, violent, triumphant strikeout of Mike Sweeney, proven #3 hitter and RBI man. But then a sharp turn in the other direction. Bill Hall punches his second hit, and then someone named Greg Norton gets a good piece of a slider, lines a shot into left, and he's got his first hit of the ballgame. But Ryan Church, who apparently has a pew reserved at the Church of Out-Making, grounds one to third baseman Munson and Esteban just can't do anything wrong today.

Then all of a sudden he does everything wrong. Again we hit nothing, and Esteban starts the seventh by handing out another walk. James Shanks lays down a bunt and Eric Munson is no Scott Brosius and I stupidly forgot to signal him to move in and his throw to first is late and wild. Kevin Mench pinch-hits for that danged pitcher, socks a single to left, and it's tied. Rich Thompson does the same, pulling a pitch to the other side of the field since he's left-handed, and it's not tied and this is the Esteban I know. Somehow he gets .300 hitter David Bell to hit a ground ball to short and we get an out, but I'm not about to see him give up a three-run home run, so I bring in Kiko Calero to try to get Mike Sweeney. Of course Calero walks him to load the bases for the nineteenth time this inning, since, you know, Calero's been untouchable all year and this is just the right time for him to implode.

Bill Hall shuts me up by swinging at a slider in the dirt and punching a ground ball right out to Eric Munson, who starts a lightning-fast double play with the ball going from Kennedy to Thomas, and maybe we're not dead yet. If nothing else, I should never have doubted Kiko. But we'll need to come back against the Kansas City bullpen, and they ain't anything like the gasoline in Cleveland.

[cknox0723]

We don't get anything in the seventh off Chad Paronto, but at least going down in order gives us another inning of Kiko Calero. It is a shock that he gives up a hit. I don't think he's ever going to give up a run.

Or, at least, not in this game, as his spot in the order is due up to start the eighth. The switch-hitting Enrique Wilson gets the chance to take a turn at bat and Enrique -- I love that long, dopey face!! -- laces the first pitch he sees over the second baseman Falu and into right field, and this is our chance, right now!

And then Tony Pena goes to left-hander Scott Stewart and I tear my hair out. Ramon Vazquez can't hit left-handers. Neither can Adam Kennedy. They're the next two men up. I can pinch-hit with Miguel Olivo. Even if he is the backup catcher, I don't give a whit, he can bruise up left-handers. Or what about the Rule 5 pick Aneudi Cuevas, who's hitting like a storm so far, mostly against southpaws? Or a bunt? Maybe R-Vaz can drop one down the third base line and that fat bear Norton won't get there and...

Figuring I'm going to screw up anyway, I figure out how to make the double-switch work so the pitcher won't bat again -- hoping we'll come to that point in extra innings, and after doing my best Selig impersonation and holding up the game for ten minutes, I send Miggy Olivo up to hit. Of course Hackin' Miggy takes strike one. Then he stares at a changeup like it's got two heads, or something. Son of a bitch, what the hell is he doing? Oh-and-two just like that, and it's apparent that I screwed this one up. Should've bunted or something, played for the tie. Now, mistake number two's going to be pinch-hitting Cuevas for Kennedy, because he'll strike out and then Magglio will ground out for the fourth time, and we're going to lose and poor Esteban, if only I gave him a nickname like "Tries Really Hard..."

If you were sitting in the room while I was playing out this game, you'd have to smack me in the throat right about there. Olivo finally takes a cut on the third offering from Stewart, another slow changeup, and he fights it off foul into the first base seats. But Miggy keeps the bat on his shoulder again on the fourth pitch -- but it's just off the outside edge. Then one in the dirt, a changeup inside, and the count's full and maybe we'll get a walk. A walk, and then we don't need to pinch-hit for Kennedy, because he can bunt, and then we'll have the chance for our best hitter, our All-Star, our former MVP (and, no, not the remains of Frank Thomas) to give us the lead with a base hit. How can you ask for more than that, and he's come through before, definitely, and...

OWWWWWWWW!!!!! Right in the --

"Wilson will shuffle around at first as Stewart deals the payoff pit -- SWING AND A DRIVE! DEEP TO LEFT! Church will turn and watch as that ball sails FAR, FAR AWAY!!! Miguel Olivo with his second home run in two days!"

And the Sox take the lead. And Joe Roa -- Proven Closer (TM) Joe Roa!!! -- slams the door in the ninth. And the Sox win. Same old story as always.



KC 2 CHW 3

WP: K. Calero (2-0) - 1.2 IP, 1 H, 1 BB, 1 K, 0 R
LP: S. Stewart (0-1) - 1 IP, 1 H, 1 HR, 1 pitch he wishes he had back
S: J. Roa (1) - nine pitches, three outs (and one hit), almost like old times

I Don't Know... what to say anymore. Five in a row, every one of 'em more improbable than the last, except for the second one, that thirteen inning win over Cleveland. But Esteban's made three good starts in a row, real good ones. Sure, two of 'em have been against Kansas City and Detroit, but who cares? We got nothing from any of our real or even fake bats in this game, but Loaiza got a hit at the right time, Enrique Wilson pinch-hit with a single, and then Miguel Olivo made me look like a genius again. And we still won! MIGUEL OLIVO! Ooooh, baby, gots to love it.

[ifspuds]

No f&@#ing way.

But.. but.. Miguel Olivo? Miguel freaking Olivo? He can't hit my 6-month old son's weight, much less his own. At least in the real universe. In this bizarre, parallel dimension, apparently he is the Clutch God of Backup Catchers.