Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

let's see if we can piece together a bunch of different quotes to create the greatest single quote ever!

Hey, who are you? Get out of this thread!

For crying out loud! If I wanted to hear about a pathetic bunch of appaulingly mismanaged losers getting their asses handed to them on a steel drum every day I'd just re-read the first thread. Win some bloody games! (This would have been funnier if you'd lost to the Yankees. ****ing Loaiza, you can always trust him to screw you over.)

Great win Craig! something about code orange on the national security alert...i don't know. That's the confidence booster this club needs!

(or, you need..rather)

Still, I suppose it wouldn't be the same +1 Hose we all love and ridicule if you actually suceeded.

p.s. Hi. (+1)

i think i did it.

[cknox0723]

p.s. hi. it's been a long week. i am looking forward to getting caught back up with the pale hose tonight. someday, i will write a reasonably interesting book about my last few days, and y'all will be the first to get a copy.

[Y0DA55]

Good to see that you haven't dropped off the face of the earth Craig. Looking forward to the next chapter of the Sox's journey. Whether it be walking over teams or, more likely, getting thrown in the wash, I wait for it with baited breath.

[Vris]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

p.s. hi. it's been a long week. i am looking forward to getting caught back up with the pale hose tonight. someday, i will write a reasonably interesting book about my last few days, and y'all will be the first to get a copy.

I want two copies!

[ifspuds]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

p.s. hi. it's been a long week. i am looking forward to getting caught back up with the pale hose tonight. someday, i will write a reasonably interesting book about my last few days, and y'all will be the first to get a copy.

Will it be autographed? I want to be able to tell my kids, "I knew him when..."!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by ifspuds

Will it be autographed? I want to be able to tell my kids, "I knew him when..."!

"...he still wore socks?" like einstein!!!

yes and yes, vris. you know, i have always liked to write, but never thought i could come up with an interesting enough story. the pale hose have shown me that that is just an excuse.

though, for now, i am content enough to write this slop. what can i say, i'm easily amused.

thanks for the replies, gentlemen. i am glad i did not drop off the face of the earth, as well. i hate heights and that would probably be a long fall.

speaking of falling...

[cknox0723]

game ix - chw (2-6) @ nyy (5-2) - "instep"

at this time last year, you were reading about... an 8-1 win in detroit -- included therein is this little nugget - "Garland, who might actually make me think he's decent if he keeps pitching like this." oops.

this year you can read about... j. depaula (0-1, 3.00) vs. k. escobar (1-0, 4.50)

Jorge DePaula was never a top prospect like Ed Yarnall, but there is still an unnerving similarity between the two. In 1999, Yarnall went 13-4 for AAA Columbus at the age of 23, and the southpaw fanned a batter an inning in 145 frames, with a K/BB ratio of 2.5 to 1.

Five years later in a sad parallel universe, Jorge DePaula worked as a swingman for the parent club of the Columbus team, the New York Yankees. He started 17 games and relieved in 20 others, receiving credit for 13 wins and striking out two and a half batters for every one he walked. His earned run average was 3.67. At the age of 25, one would be foolish to say stardom was in his future, but he looked like a reasonable enough major league pitcher.

Five years after winning 13 in AAA, Ed Yarnall went 5-6 for two different International League teams over 25 starts, after spending parts of the previous four seasons in Japan, Sacramento, and rehabbing an arm injury. He's pitched 20 major league innings, walking 13, striking out 14, and posting a 5.40 ERA. His walk rate has never dipped below one every three innings.

I don't know where Jorge DePaula will be in 2009, but it ain't looking good. Since winning 13 games two-plus years ago, his record's slid off to 7-10 and then last year's painful 5-19 mark. His control is average at best, as he walked a batter every two innings last season, and while he throws hard, he is not overpowering. When Baseball Prospectus discussed Yarnall in this year's book, they said something that stuck with me. "Pitchers are not subject to a bell curve, but a probabilistic step curve." I don't know what the hell that is -- maybe the math major can help us out -- but I understand what they're trying to say. You can't guarantee improvement for outfielders and second basemen, but you can understand why it might happen. If Jeremy Reed puts on five pounds of muscle, he'll swing the bat that much quicker, and hit a few more long balls over the course of a season. If Aneudi Cuevas gets 200 at-bats this season, he'll become that much more familiar with the slider, not to mention all of the innings in the field will give him more experience scooping up those three-hoppers.

If Jorge DePaula puts on five pounds, maybe he's a quarter-second slower delivering the ball to home plate. Baserunners have an easier time swiping second then, so DePaula compensates by shortening his stride a few inches, but now he can't hit the outside corner with his changeup, forcing him to try to pitch inside more. Miss with one of those pitches, and...BAM!

However, much as I may try, I don't know why Jorge DePaula's control went south, or why his strikeout rate's flatlined. Perhaps it was just meant to be, since -- just like Yarnall -- he did have a brief moment of glory. Most of us get that glory in a much more silent way, like Yarnall's great year in AAA. One way or another, we all get it, in our own way, or so I'd like to think. Esteban got it with yesterday's most improbable pique of brilliance. Maybe Jorge can get it today?

[cknox0723]

But DePaula's star is flickering out with every start now, and his second appearance of this season is sadly no different. Jason Giambi hits a three-run jack in the bottom of the first. Eric Munson gives us hope with a long two-run bomb in the top of the second, but Giambi drives in another run in the bottom of the inning with a double where the cameras can't find the ball, down into the right field corner. He steps up in the bottom of the third with a man on base once again -- three of 'em, in fact -- but raps a comebacker right to DePaula. Nevertheless, a run had already scored in the frame, and with a pitch count of 87 thanks to seven walks, I call DePaula back to the dugout when it's his turn to bat in the top of the fourth. Enrique Wilson hits a bouncer to short, ending the frame and leaving two men on base and a three-run deficit still on the scoreboard, a margin we never can quite close despite four hits in the seventh and thirteen overall.

In a way, it's oh-so-frustrating -- DePaula could have been something better than a guy who's now on the verge of being sent to AAA, and we could have pulled this ballgame out, if only we could have brought home another run or two, if only Aki Otsuka didn't give up two in the seventh...if only, if only.

But somehow, it all seems entirely appropriate for yet another lousy Jorge DePaula start.

CHW 4 NYY 8

WP: K. Escobar (2-0) - 6 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 1 BB, 6 K
LP: J. DePaula (0-2)
S: D. Weathers (3)

The Jorge DePaula Lifetime Achievement Award for Mediocrity goes to... Jorge DePaula! Funny how that works.

[cknox0723]

this may be the toronto's last day in the first division. the jays lost 5 to 2 to tampa to fall into a tie with new york for first in the al east. edgar "the worst gonzalez ever" allowed two runs in eight and geoff blum broke a two-two tie with a two-run triple off of les walrond in the top of the ninth.

27 year old neil cotts picked up his first major league victory in four years in minnesota's seven-four victory over cleveland. even with a 2.19 earned run average, you can see the writing on the wall for the journeyman southpaw, and it spells out either redrum or rochester - cotts has walked eight in twelve-plus innings pitched. but last start, his five walks were essentially negated by allowing the fine tribe lineup just three base knocks, a pair of singles and a mark bellhorn double. happily, joe crede was just one for four. jesse crain, the 25 year old righthander who breathes fire, converted his second save in four chances.

kansas city hung on to first place for another day with an improbable eighth inning comeback against seattle's highly-compensated bullpen. the big blow was a fly ball to right by light-hitting center fielder rich thompson that had just enough to reach the second row of the bleachers. with three men on base at the time, it flipped a three-run kansas city deficit into a one-run lead, and scott stewart nearly relinquished it in the bottom of the inning, but chad paronto retired milton bradley on a pop fly behind second base to strand two seattle runners. brian schmack struck out the side in the ninth to record his fourth save, and rookie zack greinke was officially bailed out from his second loss in his second big league start despite allowing 6 runs in 6 to increase his earned run average to 6.57.

our crosstown rivals won the season's longest game to date with a 14-inning 4-3 triumph over houston. orber moreno was an appropriate victor, pitching two scoreless innings and tallying one in the game-winning rbi column with a one-out fielder's choice in the top of the fourteenth that allowed nic jackson to score from third. moreno only swung his lumber because the cubs' bench was empty, but michael wuertz pitched the bottom of the fourteenth. he struck out the side to convert his second career save, and it wasn't just dumb luck - his career earned run average is a brilliant 2.47 in 98 innings spread out over parts of three-plus seasons.

[cknox0723]

game x - chw (2-7) @ nyy (6-2) - "21 grams"

last year... blanked by bedard, not that there's anything wrong with that

this year... j. rauch (0-0, 1.93) @ j. schmidt (1-1, 2.57)

I don't expect to beat Jason Schmidt, even when we score a first-inning run thanks to the brilliant trio of Vazquez, Kennedy, and Ordonez. I just wish it wasn't Jon Rauch throwing 57 pitches and just 23 strikes in the first two innings. I'd rather it be Esteban Loaiza giving up Jason Giambi's second and then third home run of the series, or leaving after five innings and one hundred and eleven lackluster pitches.

Or, as I glance up at the out-of-town scores, I'd rather it be Jon Rauch no-hitting the Empire through six, not Paul Wilson turning the trick on the Giants.

But, if nothing else, Esteban Loaiza shouldn't have spun a shutout two days ago.

It all balances out in the end. The brilliant Mark Prior gets bested by Livan Hernandez in a 4-0 loss for our enemies to the north. Wilson loses his no-no when Ed Alfonzo loops a single over second base, and we lose our eighth ballgame of the year despite the best efforts of Messrs. Gonzalez and Torrealba, who each pound out a pair of hits. C'est la vie. Tomorrow is another day -- our home opener, in fact -- and Mark Buehrle's on the mound, a scant handful of days after Esteban Loaiza single-handedly staved off the Empire. Life is good.

Why get frustrated over the fact that it could be better?

CHW 2 NYY 7

WP: J. Schmidt (2-1)
LP: J. Rauch (0-1)

Coolest Catcher Alive... Yorvit Torrealba, hands down. He went eight for ninety-five in a burp of playing time over in San Francisco last season. That's an .084 batting average, made even more sickly by zero extra-base hits and 28 strikeouts to just five walks. But good ol' Yorv is nine for his first twenty-nine this year, and by virtue of a sacrifice fly, has a higher batting average than on-base percentage. It's super-cool when those numbers are .310 and .300, especially when the memory of Mike Piazza's -.025 batting average is still in mind. I don't know whether Yorvit is better suited to be the name of a child's toy, a candy bar, or a dinghy, but I suspect this fictional Chicago's going to find out.

[cknox0723]

since there are approximately 3,000 people reading this forum right now, i felt this would be a good time to mention that it would be just ideal if a catcher who could hit .275 with 15 long balls a year just fell from the sky like acid rain. they have acid rain in chicago, right?

[Vris]

Tough loss to my favorite pitcher.

Is it me, or are these write ups getting shorter?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

Tough loss to my favorite pitcher.

Is it me, or are these write ups getting shorter?

it is not just you. don't worry, we have a long season ahead and i have many things to say. unfortunately, not many of them are coming out coherently, at the moment. nevertheless i suppose it is time to paddle on...

[cknox0723]

i am sick right now. not literally...though, yes, literally. sorry to disappoint, but this will be the shortest write-up of them all. i am scrapping everything i had planned to write about this game because i simply don't have the heart. i'm not even going to bother with the shift key.

our first home game. buehrle vs. rich harden and the tigers. (see how sick i am over this? no colors, even) buehrle doesn't look indestructible early on, but he gets out of a third-inning jam by striking out pudge, rather than doing the fudge with him. then he gets himself in and out of trouble again in the fourth, by retiring someone named hessman as well as young, light-hitting, supposedly high-ceilinged shortstop giarratano.

we are still hitless at this time, but adam kennedy makes the 20,000 plus faithful at the cell cheer with a leadoff fourth-inning walk. magglio ordonez follows, takes a strike and then another. doesn't matter. harden throws an 0-2 splitter, hoping to bury it in the dirt and make maggs dig, but he misses high, about a foot. the pitch is right over the middle. ordonez takes a huge cut...he nails it, rips it to right, it's going, it's going...

and it's curving, it's curving, and then it's tailing off...and lands in the seats on the wrong side of the yellow pole. eventually he hits but a simple ground ball which takes away yet another of our precious outs.

but then frank catalanotto, who struck out in his first at-bat in chicago, hammers a fastball as if directed by the grace of god. it's a lightning-quick double, and ordonez thunders home to a storm of cheers. no home run, but we're winning anyway.

it stays that way...through the fifth, through the sixth, as buehrle strikes out the side in a pique of mastery that only an artist, a davinci or rodin, could truly appreciate. then rich harden ceases to exist, replaced by the sinewy vestiges of someone so similar yet so incredibly different. it's one of the great mysteries of baseball, why a pitcher suddenly loses effectiveness. for all of the harrowing about pitch counts like you'd find in the modern-day game, no number provides an answer.

the number 78 was harden's limit today, as all of his pitches after that are distinctly lacking in character, in consitution -- in anything. ramon vazquez starts the bottom of the sixth with an innocuous little single, and then adam kennedy hits a ground ball to third that ty wigginton handles like a mexican jumping bean. that gives us two runners, and it only seems reasonable to send them jumping like mexican beans, since they do no good standing around. in an effort to stop that, pudge makes a throw down to third, but his efforts only encourage our runners more. it helps that this throw ends up somewhere down the left field line. there's our second run, but we don't stop there.

magglio ordonez doubles home a run. after "catalanotto dressing" strikes out, raul gonzalez annihilates a pitch down the left field line. apparently the ball ends up embedded in the wall, because gonzalez gets a three-bagger. frank thomas follows with a long sacrifice fly, and then eric munson does the same, except his hit is with two outs and no one on, so it's just the third out. it's five-nothing at this point and we have more runs than hits.

but i'm not even going to bother with cliffhangers, because my euphoria's been completely replaced by the agonizing frustration of an incomprehensible loss. i wish i didn't have to tell you how it happened, or that it happened at all, but it's too late now. the only consolation i have is that i figure my description of this mess is coming out ok. but, says the pessimist in me, that's only temporary.

temporary, like our goddamned 5-0 lead.

[cknox0723]

buehrle loses the shutout in the top half of the next inning, which is only too bad because the thought had crossed my mind around that time that we had the chance to get three wins, two of which were shutouts. but he hits tony giarratano in the shoulder -- i wish he would stop hitting people -- and then wilton reynolds three-bases a hit. that seemed too easy. 5-1 now, but three fly outs in a row bring the inning to a quick enough close, even if they do shave the lead down another run.

yet another ramon vazquez base hit gives us yet another runner in scoring position after a seventh-inning walk and fielder's choice against jack cressend, but kennedy and ordonez strike out and i feel as though i should have aborted this sentence long ago. buehrle looks fantastic once again in the eighth, retiring the heart of the order in wigginton, johnson, and spivey. only the middle gentleman of the three hits much more than his weight, but we're only three outs away so that's but a brief flicker in my mind. buehrle's up around 115 pitches and probably tired but i like seeing him pitch a lot of innings, so i'm pretty committed to letting him finish this one off. with a three-run lead...with a quick hook, why not?

then the bottom of the eighth comes. catalanotto singles, gonzalez singles, the hits mirror images of each other if...well, i'm not too good with physics, so i don't know where you'd have to set up a mirror to show a ball's bounce past short as traveling the same path as one bouncing past third. but suffice it to say that both swung a bit and hit baseballs on a line!

for some reason, i get the brilliant idea to send them on a double steal, even though neither is particularly fast nor slow. it doesn't work. after frank thomas flies out, we get that lost baserunner back anyway as eric munson draws a walk, and then yorvit torrealba takes one of those goofy half-swings and veritably plops a ball into center field. whatever works. raul gonzie trots home, it's 6-2 and there's still two men on.

for mark buehrle. like a lunk, i don't follow my heart (imagine that!!), instead listening to my stathead-infected mind. shea hillenbrand is announced as the pinch-hitter. his idea of hitting is a pop-up to left. i swear, swat the table absent-mindedly, and bring on joe roa to put the ribbon on this one, figuring he could use the work, having only pitched twice this year.

have i ever mentioned that i can't wrap gifts? seriously...maybe it is that i have poor eyesight, or was never very good at geometry. but, yeah, i can't do that, in case you were wondering.

[cknox0723]

joe roa's scouting report does not look the same as it did last year, when he was so brilliant. "he needs more work on his 'out pitch'. he's a pitch away from dominating." this is the same scout who thinks julio lugo is the reincarnated honus wagner, but for some reason i believe it. roa is 35 years old and quite frankly never had any success before last year.

whether that has anything to do with his first or second pitch in this game, i don't know. whatever the case, that pitch, as it would be, is freaking slaughtered by someone named hessman. i call him "someone", but in actuality that is a man i cut when first taking over this ill-fated team. how ironic. the ball stays in the stadium, but it's a home run, and with plenty of distance to spare. we're back to a three-run game.

roa walks the next man, the shortstop giarratano. that's quite unlike our control artist, but still i see fit to stick with him. wilton reynolds singles over the infield and finally i bite, bringing in akinori otsuka and his 10+ era in 2.2 innings. i blew it, there. roa was bound to get an out, so i should've waited for that...or if he wasn't going to get an out, why wait three batters then?

otsuka gets some neophyte to hit a fly ball to right, which allows the runner at third, giarratano, to tag and score. but, lord mercy, we have an out. the tying run's also at the plate, but that's ok.

it's ok until the powerful carlos pena strides out from the dugout. fearing the lefty first baseman and his mighty .356 slugging percentage (editor's note: WHY WHY WHY WHY was i afraid of that?) i bring in the southpaw mike gallo to counter him. gallo may have earned my ire on more than one occasion last year, but he's been brilliant this year, facing 15 batters and retiring all but one of them.

so of course he throws up slop to pena. in fact, i am not sure that he didn't just place the ball on a tee for ol' carlos. he must have, for the 215 pound first baseman somehow ends up with a triple to right. just like that, the tying run's 90 feet away. we were up five-nothing two innings ago, 6-2 some handful of minutes earlier. what the hell have i done?

i order gallo to intentionally walk pudge and then yank his ass in favor of p.j. bevis, hoping against hope that he will somehow either strike out ty wigginton or induce a double play. instead, he walks him, putting the lead run in scoring position for detroit's best hitter, reed johnson, who is roughly magglio ordonez with a less interesting name. predictably enough, he comes through with a two-run, pendulum-swinging single. then j. spivey follows suit and it's 9-6 and i consider throwing the computer out the window.

i realize it's actually 8-6, calm down just a bit, and instead bring in kiko calero, the last pitcher in our bullpen aside from rule 5 pick marcos carvajal, but he is more a potted plant than a pitcher anyway. we have gone through every pitcher in the bullpen and gotten one out. calero gets two, with two ground balls. it doesn't make me feel better. then the light bulb goes off again.

"we're only down two. all we need is a few hits and a home run and we could win this game and it'd be the greatest ****ing thing evar!!!!"

detroit's closer, soap opera star fernando rodney, comes on to the rubber. ramon vazquez takes a mighty swing at the first pitch...and hits it four feet in front of the plate. if there were ever a way to dash my dreams, it's seeing a healthy swing...and watching the ball trickle away.

adam kennedy follows with a base hit, but it ain't happening. maggs hits a can of corn, steel drum frankie does the same, and we're gone.

[cknox0723]

well, that was no fun. i am about written out, as you can probably tell, but i have a few observations, so at least it does not sound like i am dangling over a ledge.

-the band wilco has a song called "misunderstood", which contains some lyrics from a song called "amphetamine" by a man named peter laughner. among these is this line.

All you touch turns to lead.

i felt like that in the top of the ninth inning as reliever after reliever failed.

well, i guess i should have said i have one observation. that's all i got. i thought i had a few things to say about how the team sucks, but if i did, they don't want to come out. i suppose i would feel even worse about this loss had the yankees not came back from a thousand runs down to beat the devil rays earlier tonight. and i would probably feel even worse about the game had i not actually been somewhat satisfied while writing about it, even if i am not sure if what i wrote actually made any sense.

ah, who am i kidding. it's still not settling well. maybe that was the lobster ravioli, with the colorful sauce, that i had for dinner. i had an odd feeling while eating that. or maybe that loss was really, really, really painful.

but i'll get over it. "why do we fall down? so we can pick ourselves back up again."

[Y0DA55]

Wow, that was painful to read. The whole way through, I'm thinking to myself, "Don't blow it. C'mon, this is a long season and Craig needs something good to happen." The loss doesn't sit well with me either, and I don't know if there was a whole lot you could have done about it.

Curse you OOTP gods. Curse you!

[ifspuds]

Damn. Rough loss, Craig. This is why I hate bullpens.

Kudos, however, for the lobster ravioli and quoting "Misunderstood".

[cknox0723]

heh. if disaster breeds one thing besides misery, it's sympathy.

Originally Posted by Y0DA55

Wow, that was painful to read. The whole way through, I'm thinking to myself, "Don't blow it. C'mon, this is a long season and Craig needs something good to happen." The loss doesn't sit well with me either, and I don't know if there was a whole lot you could have done about it.

Curse you OOTP gods. Curse you!

well, i appreciate that. almost 24 hours later, i'm movin' on. we will have other chances. and i will certainly defer to your expertise that i was completely free of blame in that disaster.

Originally Posted by ifspuds

Damn. Rough loss, Craig. This is why I hate bullpens.

damn right. i am thinking we should embark on some RPenocide -- as a wise man once said, "can't start, don't play!"

but then we'd have no joe roa.

Originally Posted by spudsy

Kudos, however, for the lobster ravioli and quoting "Misunderstood".

i know you'd appreciate the wilco reference - that will not be the last one. but i did not know you were a fan of the haute cuisine. the restaurant i went to priced cheese ravioli and lobster ravioli the same, so, to me, i was getting some free shellfish. and only a fool would pass up free shellfish!

this next post has no immediate resolution, nor does it have anything directly to do with the pale hose. it involves canadiancreed's boys, in fact, and the hated bunch from canada south, and indirectly...you might sense a familiar, foreboding feeling.

buckle up for one of those loooooong tangents. no buehrle, no roa, and still no capital letters (i'll find the shift key sometime soon, i promise), but i hope you enjoy.