Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by gordyhulten

Ah, sweet mediocrity. For some reason, it's one of my favorite words right now. Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

Say it with me, now: Mee - dee - ah - krih - tee.

Beautiful.

interestingly, the adjective form, mediocre, is pronounced much like tapioca. mee- dee- oh - coeur. a very mediocre pronounciation.

and why can't we just pronounce both words the same way? i mean, i know why, but...still, why? life is complicated enough as it is! why do we have to further it by obfuscating our language with ridiculous rules of pronounciation and overly long words like "obfuscate"?

take "enough" as another example. ever realize how many different ways there are to pronounce the "-ough" suffix? "enough", "through", "borough", etc. what is the point?

titles you will not see in this thread's third incarnation: "yet another ootp6 dynasty, year 3: the right way to pronounce pale hose: suck - age".

Originally Posted by gordyhulten

Why the bolded third "n" in Cincinnati? Did I miss a story somewhere along the line?

Originally Posted by BadluckinOOTP

I think that it's bolded because since its a very commonly misspelled word. I think.

^^^gets it. jestor will appreciate it, at least. he's a stickler for proper spelling.

[cknox0723]

I cannot fathom the Cardinals winning 72 games and responding by bringing back Trot Nixon and bringing in Rocky Biddle, so rather than make a pale attempt at doing that, let's instead look at how they got to this point.

2004:

92 wins, third place. 30 home run seasons from puljos (the best in mlb), Edmonds, Rolen, and Reggie Sanders. Held back by a replacement-level season from fifth starter Jeff Suppan and a weak back end of the bullpen, not to mention the scrumptious "hitting" (.216 avg./.275 obp./.293 slg.) of Mike Matheny.

Upgraded a middling rotation at the trade deadline by sending reliever Ray King and a non-prospect outfielder to Tampa Bay for Doug Waechter, who was oh-and-five with an ERA over six before a brief sojourn to AAA righted his ship in early June. He was lights-out all the way up to the deadline, posting a 6-2 won-lost record over that span with an ERA of 1.64.

The pratfalls of sample size. Waechter was pretty good down the stretch, posting a 6-3 mark over 75 innings for the Redbirds, with an ERA right around three, somewhere right in between the two extremes of his first four months. But it wasn't quite enough, as his new club fell but a single game short of the wild card. Too bad, as best of the rest champ Houston won the WORLD SERIES.

2005:

Matt Morris (15-10, 2.73 ERA in 242 IP in '04) leaves for the Tejanos, who give him eighty-plus million shekels. Todd "Career Year in 2004" Ritchie gets roughly half that from the Regal Ones. Good move letting the latter go; another data point for the DIPS theory. Same thing can't be said about the former, particularly when the club spent about the same amount on Todd "Colorado had nothing to do with my career-high 2004 OPS" Hollandsworth and big trade acquisition Brad Radke as they could have on Morris. Maybe it was just an excuse to get the brilliant name of So Taguchi, swapped for Radke, into the newspapers.

But it didn't help the ballclub, for sure. Predictably enough, Morris had another wonderful year in Texas, while Radke gave the Cards nothing spectacular, surrendering an incredible 294 hits in 230 innings. Waechter resumed the bouts with his control that had plagued him in early '04, and without help from pitching guru Isaac Prevot this time, he struggled to the mediocrity of a 4.62 ERA. Young Adam Wainwright bloomed in his second year in the bigs, as did Rhett Parrott to a lesser extent, but veteran Woody Williams' arm gave out on him, yet just like the Dodgers and Hideo Nomo or the B.J.'s and Pat Hentgen, the team stuck by him, all the way to the bitter end. That end was an unsightly 6.46 ERA, and as it turned out, also the end of his career.

Down south in Tampa, Ray King, the loot for Waechter a year earlier, continued his fine pitching with a 3.22 ERA in 81 innings. Another fine year later, he's got the Proven Closer (TM) tag after pushing his schedule back an inning and accruing 22 saves. Meanwhile, the Cards have shuffled through such luminaries as Ryan Bukvich and Brandon Duckworth trying to find a reliable set-up man for Jason Isringhausen.

But for all that...the drop from 10th to 25th in run prevention, the team ERA of 4.65, the mess of a bullpen, and the big ticket bust that was Todd Hollandsworth's middle-of-the-pack production in left for the low, low cost of $6 million, the Cardinals still won 89 games. Again, most of it was behind an MVP season from puljos and big years from Edmonds and Rolen once again. Can't discount Edgar Renteria's second straight season with a .300 average and 50 steals, either. It's only too bad that Houston managed one more win for the second straight year, and of course the Cubs ran away with the division. For the second year in a row, a fine albeit flawed squad was relegated to third place. Third place, the perfect ending for a fatalist.

2006:

Here's where things went south. Ed Renteria left for Colorado, replaced by Alex Gonzalez. Which one? Doesn't matter; only their mothers could tell them apart. Surprisingly, Gonzo performed capably, posting a career-high .746 OPS. Marlon Anderson was more than adequate at second base for the second straight year, and the puljos-Rolen-Edmonds troika continued to mash. New corner outfielders Jose Guillen and Trot Nixon stepped in capably after the perpetually disappointing Hollandsworth was dealt to Houston and Roger Cedeno and Reggie Sanders jumped ship to greener pastures. Even the bullpen was improved, with free agent signings Mike Stanton and Justin Speier providing a capable bridge for Jason Isringhausen for the first time in three years. Middle of the year acquisition Jay Kershner, picked up for Rhett Parrott ("Polly Want a Cracker?") only added to the team's veritable strength in the 'pen.

But Isringhausen was ordinary rather than extraordinary, and the rotation continued to be filled with temps like Radke, Wil Alvarez, and John Halama. Adam Wainwright took a huge step back instead of turning into an ace, posting a 5.66 ERA over 168 innings and handing out gopher balls at a staggering rate. The only gem for the future diamonds of Saint Louis was curveball artist Ben Hendrickson, who blossomed after three years in the high minors and made 30 solid starts, overcoming the mediocrity of a 113 to 77 strikeout-to-walk rate by allowing just 13 home runs in 173 innings and posting a 4.06 ERA, second best of all the Redbird starters. That lack of pitching caught up to the club last season, and coupled with the slightest step back from the take-'n'-rake offense, that's how the Cardinals ended up eighteen below .500.

NOW:
Ben Hendrickson's the staff ace this year. Doesn't that tell you all you need to know? Sure, there are some positive signs that this organization isn't completely falling apart. For one, Mike Matheny's finally out of the starting lineup after three straight years with a sub-.290 on-base percentage. But young Yady Molina probably won't be much better. Mr. Edmonds is gone to the Mets, but the lineup doesn't look too bad in his absence. Jimmy Anderson and Eric Milton are the new mercenaries brought in to fill out the rotation. That's fighting fire with...arrowheads. Or rocks. On the bright side, the Saint Louis contingent won't have to fret over missing the playoffs by a single game for the third time. They'll have had a hell of a lucky year if they finish a single game out -- of third place.

[The Funk]

Great write-ups and I'm liking the decline of St. Louis. Perhaps we should have a Pale Hose sweepstake with all the info available.

Has anyone else noticed how easy it is to get spinach stuck between your teeth? Very annoying.

Finally Craig, I would advise you to let me give you a little piece of advice.

Transmission ends.

[cknox0723]

made this post in another thread, but it's obviously applicable here, so i will re-post and shamelessly bump this thread even though i have nothing pale hose related. by the way, i am lacking a name for this league -- the file is simply "new league". together, we'll have to figure one out eventually.

anyway, the post, the post, yeah. this was in response to jay asking how he should handle looking at the other teams in his cincinnati dynasty. actually, now that i think about it, i don't know why the hell i'm posting this here except that i think it sums up pretty well how i feel about this arduous last month i've spent previewing every single team in "new league." of course, being the goofball i am, i'm now going to edit my post...assuming i shut up at some point.

Originally Posted by cknox

ok, jay, this might help you, since it's straight from the donkey's mouth. first off, i'll warn you, going through every single frickin' team is exhausting and you'll be tempted to scrap it at least five times. i know i have. it's why there's no update today, for one thing. going team-by-team and writing about all of them will immerse you into your universe more, but you'll feel like immersing your head in a tub of ice water, too. it's also hard not to turn a preview into a stat dump, or a bunch of random b.s. and guessing, both of which get old after a while. and the teams sort of blend together, at least for me -- one problem i have definitely noticed is that because i'm so inundated with information on the actual major leagues, i'm easily able to remember 20, 25, 30 guys per team. not so in my little alternate universe. a few, maybe. all of the pale hose, pretty much, but try to define just what your goal is when writing 28, 30 previews. it may be too idealistic.

i still think it's worthwhile to go through all the teams, but my suggestion is to go through them at whatever speed and amount of depth you like - that means take a couple days or a couple weeks depending - but only actually write about the stuff that interests you. think about it, though. what aspects of baseball can you discuss over and over? what drew you to the game in the first place? lousy draft picks, players winning/not winning awards, stupid trades, injuries and their effects, what have you -- that's the stuff i like. you can talk about the stars, or the 25th man on each roster (i like that one too ), or the financial situations, or whatever. it's more open-ended and therefore more difficult but probably quicker than my format and also less likely to burn you out. and you'll enjoy it, rather than feel like you're plodding through it to eventually get to the point of playing out the games.

ultimately, it's up to you to determine your pace, and that will really help you answer your poll question better than i can. since you're still feeling out this dynasty, it can be whatever you like. going slooooooow like seth or i do is rewarding but can also be very frustrating. sometimes i even get the urge to skip ahead a few months. it is also about the level of depth you want, but there is both a micro and macro level of that, a small picture and a big picture. luis_rivera's wonderful pirates dynasty was a great example of a "marco" dynasty that worked out great. you really saw his philosophies for building a team, the mistakes and successes he had, and you had the power of hindsight, which i really don't with the white sox. if i ever see a so-called "big picture" in my dynasty, it will be five real-life years down the line, seriously. i personally love that. i can't imagine abandoning this dynasty now, seriously. i have a better feel for my pale hose league than i do for real major league baseball, and i am a baseball nut. i know less of 'what' happened; it's more 'why' things happened. what i should have done last year. mistakes i made in player valuation, specific games, even. that's a macro level. and i'm beginning, i'm hope, to develop that some sort of perception for the rest of the league. but, like i said, that's a loooong way ahead. consider if you really want that.

anyway, that was overly long-winded, so i'll end it here. whatever you decide, jay, keep on writin'. i know i'm glad i have.

I actually liked that just as much as a typical update. Your mileage may vary. Houston tomorrow. Anyone have the urge to sing "Makes a Fella Proud to be an Astro"?

[seth70liz76]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

I actually liked that just as much as a typical update. Your mileage may vary. Houston tomorrow. Anyone have the urge to sing "Makes a Fella Proud to be an Astro"?

I've got that urge! First time I swore in front of my aunt (the lady who taught me about sports--I miss those days when she'd have 2 TV's and 2 Radios set up to keep track of a weekend of sports--the days before remotes/ESPN) was singing that little ditty.

Anyhoo, that's a solid entry Craig. I don't think enough people think about the "why" of the dynasty, and too much of the "how" and "what". Each dynasty I've done, I've done alot better job of answering "why" and the "how" and "what" take care of itself.

[jaykno14]

Yeah thanks for all the help both of you. I know I posted it in the actual dynasty you posted that in but it really helps to look at it that way.

[cknox0723]

So, if they curse and drink and screw, but win, what the f*ck can Garner do?

That long-pondered question went mostly unanswered last season as Houston finished second in the Central, but only because of the incompetence of all non-Chicago teams , as they finished a mere 82-80. But apparently management had Larry Dierker's immortal song in mind this offseason, because they didn't change a thing. I'm not exaggerating one bit, either. Not a single player entered the organization -- no waiver claims, no trades, no signings. The only loss was Tim Redding, cut outright after wasting 60 innings last year, posting a team-worst 6.49 ERA. This is Tokugawa Iemitsu Japan brought to life in modern day baseball. I can't convey just how much this fascinates the hell out of me. This team hasn't changed anything since May of last year, when some stupid team from Chicago claimed the immortal Mike Gallo off of waivers. "Makes A Fella Proud to be an Astro", indeed!

Their philosophy is both incredibly stupid and the single most interesting thing I've ever seen in this game, more interesting than even the engimatic Hacktastic One. Now I know why I'm doing these previews!!!

OK, I've composed myself again. This team should be easy to project, obviously. They struggled to score runs last year but excelled at preventing them, so all we're looking for is a reason that may change. I don't see it on the offensive end; the only notable difference is that Jeff Bagwell and Jeff Kent are both 38 years of age instead of 37. For the latter, the proverbial cliff shifted last year from somewhere beyond the horizon to noticeably in the foreground, and with that, the perspective of his statistics changed, too. Instead of focusing on his sparkling .185 Isolated Power, his unsightly .284 on-base percentage jumps out at you like a zit on the Mona Lisa.

Jeff Bagwell shares a similar blemish even though he's coming off a season in which he scored 104 runs and jacked 36 long balls, including number 500 for his career. Bags did that despite getting on base just 33.9% of the time, and reaching via base knock at a career low 25.6% rate. If both players continue to decline (and only a fool would project otherwise), the 'Stros might struggle even to reach last year's total of 684 runs scored, 21st in the league. It's really freakin' hard to score that rarely (trust me!), but there are no stars in this lineup. Richard Hidalgo, Jay Lane, and Todd "The Pariah of Saint Louis" Hollandsworth compose a fine outfield, an above-average one, even. But none of the three are much more than semi-stars, and the same goes for third baseman Morgan Ensberg, a criminally underrated player similar to Robin Ventura in his prime.

So to hope for an improvement in run scoring, you'd have to hope there are some good young players here to offset the old geezer Jeffs. Instead, you'd find that all of the regulars are in their thirties, with one exception -- catcher John Buck. But with his wet noodle of a bat, he could be 56 years young instead of 26 and it wouldn't matter. Somewhere, Brad Ausmus is smiling. Curiously, he was drafted by the Empire. I didn't know that, and I know everything. Huh.

To win considerably more this year, then, the Astros would somehow need their pitching staff to allow approximately half the runs they did last season, when they placed sixth in the league in run prevention. I could go into great depth on the virtues of Carlos Hernandez and Roy Oswalt and the non-sequitur in this universe called Johan Santana, but I won't. Suffice it to say that Pettitte and Lidge and Brandon Backe and someone named Nate Bland are still alive and kicking ass for this ballclub.

Houston's pitching is most definitely championship-quality caliber. Their hitting could have used an upgrade, but am I ever glad they chose not to. It would make for a hell of a story if this plan actually worked, if Houston managed to rip off 10 more wins this year and get to the playoffs. They'd be sitting pretty, then. How could they not? If ever a beast as team chemistry were to have an effect, it's here. For the sake of the shogunate, Harry "The Hat" Walker, and something that's been stirred inside me, I really, really hope my head is wrong about this team. I hope that nearly every bit as much as I hope my head is wrong about the Pale Hose.

I have found a second team to root for.

[The Funk]

Craig, reusing material? I expect better from you.

Anyway, on to the latest preview - Excellent! Looks like the Cubbies will triumph again (preview pending), and how many times has that been said in the last hundred or so years? Half of Chicago will be a place of merriment this fictional October.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

Craig, reusing material? I expect better from you.

Anyway, on to the latest preview - Excellent! Looks like the Cubbies will triumph again (preview pending), and how many times has that been said in the last hundred or so years? Half of Chicago will be a place of merriment this fictional October.

funk (fungk) - n.

1. An earthy quality appreciated in music such as jazz or soul.
2. A type of popular music combining elements of jazz, blues, and soul and characterized by syncopated rhythm and a heavy, repetitive bass line.

3. (Slang) An unsophisticated quality or atmosphere of a region or locality: “The setting is country funk” (Nina Martin).

4. Prescience

[cknox0723]

The lovable losers' curse of the Billy Goat is oh so close to finally allowing Sam Gianas to rest in peace, as da Cubbies have made two straight World Series trips in this universe and are certainly capable of making it three. Though they've lost both, long-suffering Pale Hose fans can take solace in this club, somehow. This could be us in two years.

So I'm having a hard time dredging up hatred for the Midwest Empire, but we'll try it. A-hem...

They're buying a f*cking pitching staff! Fred Garcia last year, Barry Zito this year. Any idiot could get them! Any idiot could shell out millions to keep Proven Closer (TM) Joe Borowski or fireballer Kerry Wood! And they started out with Mark "2.40 Career ERA" Prior, for feck's sake! Give him to the Pale Hose, we'd win the damn division, too!

But...could any idiot pick up quality relievers Travis Driskill (a year and a half ago), Matt Anderson (last year), and Orber Moreno (this offseason) for players that have not and probably will never make the bigs? Could any idiot develop mammoth southpaw Andy Sisco into a quality major league arm? If these things were so easy to do, every team would have players like this. But they don't.

No other team has a lineup like the other Chicago team, either. Jay Bay is a nice guy to start with; pilfered from Pittsburgh two and a half years ago for Matt Clement, who spent just that half-year in the Steel City, "Down by the Bay" hit an incredible .360 last year, scoring 118 runs and knocking in 103. It would be a hell of a feat to do that again, but even if he doesn't, this is a player with a .416 career OBP. He's a fantastic hitter. And he's not even batting where most teams bat their best hitter, in the third slot.

That honor falls to Richie Sexson, who's clocked 30 doubles and 40 home runs for two straight years in this universe and, unlike his real life counterpart, is healthy as a horse, having played seven straight seasons without even minor injury. Jacque Jones bats behind him and in front of Bay, and though he's probably not "worth" the $50 million contract he received last offseason, he's an above-average hitter and a superb outfielder. Jones plays next to another superlative fielder named Jones in Andruw, who's a 30-homer man and possibly six years away from joining the 500-home run club. Before my thirtieth birthday, I'd love to kick around his Hall of Fame case in this universe.

The one puzzle piece this lineup is lacking is a true leadoff hitter. Third sacker Rob Mackowiak is the nominal choice, but I can't ascertain why, as he's possibly the worst hitter in the lineup. He lacks the 20-home run power of catcher David Ross, the on-base skills of Todd "The Bohunk" Walker, and the eerily consistent ability to hit a mediocre .270/.320/.400 like Alex Gonzalez. Not having one strength doesn't make Mackowiak a bad player, but he's not well-rounded enough to make up for it. Nevertheless, we are splitting one of the thousands of tiny hairs coming off the cochlea. The mark of a championship-quality team includes having quality players who can't find anywhere to play. I count at least two, backup third sacker Lance Niekro and fourth outfielder Nic Jackson. Their below-average leadoff hitter means next to nothing.

The Cubs fell eight short of their Pythagorean record last season and still won 97 games. Whether they beat that or match that this season is totally irrelevant. I see a team that will lead the league in home runs and get on-base at the rate of a Magglio Ordonez besides. A rotation like theirs is without comparison. Two straight World Series appearances. This year will mark a third, but with a different result. What a f*cking travesty. This team is making the WORLD SERIES, and we can't draw 10,000 goddamn fans.

I'm angry, damn it! F*cking Cubs. This could be us. Couldn't it?

[cknox0723]

Cubs win the World Series. Astros win the Wild Card, making the banana dance on my screen and in my head. Then slot in the Reds, Pirates, Cardinals, and Brewers, none of whom will reach .500. The third of those teams is probably, like Wilco, ranked too low, but I've got to be unabashedly enthusiastic about some team besides...

Well, you can finish that sentence, can't you?

I might fly through this last division since who the hell really cares, right? That's Opening Day excitement talking, but these next five will be even more long-winded and in-depth than the previous 25, if that's possible. Sorry. I can't help myself sometimes.

One more division!

[Vris]

Banana doesn't dance Craig.

[seth70liz76]

The bananananana does dance Craig.

[The Funk]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

This could be us. Couldn't it?

No.

[Vris]

Originally Posted by seth70liz76

The bananananana does dance Craig.

NOW it dances. I swear the banana predicts how my day is going to be. If it dances, it's all sunshine and gravy. If it doesn't, out comes the heroin.

[gordyhulten]

Originally Posted by seth70liz76

The bananananana does dance Craig.

Not doing his thing for me. Paralyzed bananananananananana?

[The Funk]

He wasn't dancing, then he was, and now he's stopped again.

[Vris]

10:26 PM EDT

--Banana is not dancing. I repeat, the banana does not dance.

[Y0DA55]

7:31 PM PST

We have a report that the Banana is indeed dancing...

More on this story as more information becomes available.

[The Funk]

8:11 PM PST - It seems to have stopped again.