Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

For a guy enthused by minor league signings, the Rule 5 Draft is like Manna From Heaven. Last year, we nabbed reliever P.J. Bevis from the Ottomans (I suppose that means he was stashed away in Transylvania?), and the 25 year old produced this line last year:

G	IP	H	HR	BB	K	ERA
63	69.2	75	11	26	57	5.94

But remove the rather, um, poor 11-run outing in a 25-1 loss to Texas on May 10th (reaching into the way-back machine, here's the happy recap! lots o' fun, losing by 24!), and you get this:

G	IP	H	HR	BB	K	ERA
62	69	68	10	24	56	4.57

Not too shabby. A little more confidence for the ones and zeroes tagged with 'Bevis', and maybe some of those numbers will move even closer to ones and zeroes. Obviously the now-26 year old righty will have an integral role in our 'pen this year.

No P.J. Bevis to be found in the Rule 5 in this go-round, though. Appropriate it is that the most appealing option is someone who even the lowly Tampa Bay Devil Rays, winners of just 54 games last season, won't protect, but they do suck for a reason. Middle infielder Aneudi Cuevas definitely has some polish (No, he is not Polish, his name is not Cuevaszwski) and some upside.

OK, that's a lie. He's a 25 year old with five at-bats above A-ball. But, hell, they were a good five at-bats! A single, a double, and he scored a run, so he must be fleet afoot and handy with a stick! And...and...he put up a .279/.338/.461 line in Bakersfield, Tampa's competition for Winston-Salem!

OK, that's meaningless, too. He sucks, truly he does. But our scout-trout loves his glove and what the hell, his name's Aneudi Cuevas. A name like that just screams out, "Draft me!" And so I do.

We've still got a spot to burn in the 'pen, so I grab the best arm I can find in the second round and cash out with Cuevas and 22 year old semi-prospect Marcos Carvajal, formerly of the Dodgers. Carvy carved up the opposition in 44 innings split between A and AA, striking out 51 and walking just 8 and posting an impressive 1.43 ERA. When key free agent signing Ryan Franklin comes off the DL, we'll be in a bit of a squeeze for space, with Jon Rauch or Jorge DePaula likely the odd man out, and since both have brilliant nicknames ("The Hypothetical Power Forward", "DSM-IV Jorge"), we can't have that, no matter how they pitch. So either Carvajal makes a hell of a leap or gets a hell of a nickname, or back in the Dodger system will he be.

But for now, I'd much rather reflect on the fact that we have nine new faces in the organization making the paltry total of about $3 million. What a testament to my brilliance that is. Think about it! Nine players, three million bucks!

An awkward pause...

OK, yeah, I admit, I'd also much rather have a good player or two for that $3 million. But how many good players have names like Aneudi Cuevas or hilarious backstories involving Qantas Airlines?

[Vris]

The Rule V draft is gold for a team like yours Craig. You're not going anywhere anyway, so why not stick some unproven talent in there and see if they can contribute? Hell, your entire offseason was like a Rule V draft.

And if they can contribute like Pajamas did last year, then you might have a scrappy, young team that could do some damage in like 3-5 years. (Of course, we probably won't see that as it takes you a year and a half to finish the season.....).

*Cheese!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

Hell, your entire offseason was like a Rule V draft.

One of those lines I wish I had thought of first. Nice job.

Originally Posted by Vris

And if they can contribute like Pajamas did last year, then you might (emphasis mine) have a scrappy, young team that could do some damage in like 3-5 years. (Of course, we probably won't see that as it takes you a year and a half to finish the season.....).

Of course it takes me a year and a half to finish the season when the entire offseason's like the Rule V. You think I actually planned playing out every game? Of course not. It's all a cover for my lack of managerial skills.

Thanks for popping in.

[cknox0723]

Iiiiiitttt's...preview time!

2006 AL EAST STANDINGS
New York Yankees........109-53 (.673), lost to ANA in ALDS
Boston Red Sox..........90-72 (.556), 19 GB, 1 GB of wildcard
Baltimore Orioles.......72-90 (.444), 37 GB
Toronto Blue Jays.......69-93 (.426), 40 GB
Tampa Bay Devil Rays....54-108 (.333), 55 GB

Well, this is not exactly unfamiliar territory. The AL East, the classic representation of haves and have-nots. The personification of three Davids and, shall we say, an Achilles, versus Goliath. Look at the numbers in the games back column for those last three teams. 37...40...55. Only in baseball can such vivid imagery be conjured from a single number. 40 games. 55 games between two teams! I see a bunch of midgets wearing ill-fitting green and yellow uniforms, looking like, in the words of Jim Bouton, "a bunch of clowns", and out of the other dugout, a bunch of robotic baseball machines. And Bronson "I Have No Plate Patience and a Reverse Platoon Split, Even Odds I Suck This Year" Sardinha. Well, there's a reason the Empire lost in the first round last year, and it sure as hell wasn't The Gload.

Things may change a bit this year, but you can keep the images of Devil Rays singing songs from "The Wizard of Oz" and Yankees mashing 500-foot bombs and short-circuiting around second base in your mind. A bunch of static characters, we have here, and you'll have the privilege of a first-hand look as to why.

[cknox0723]

Tampa's kept a pitching staff that led them to that lofty 54-win mark mostly unchanged, with Tim Wakefield taking up fishing for devil rays while Josh Towers jumps into the rotation. The former Expo is a control artist who allowed more home runs (34) than walks (30) in 224 frames last year. Predictably, that works out to about an average pitcher, and he'll get millions and millions for the courtesy. Joy.

The lineup's been dealt a similar upgrade, as Michael Barrett will don the tools of ignorance in lieu of Koyie Hill, who will enjoy the fine eats of Durham, North Carolina this year. At least Barrett's not making millions and millions, but as you'd expect, since he's cheap, he sucks. Besides, even if Mike's stroke and arm are as dead-on as a Barrett, it ain't saving this bunch. This is a team crying out for a star -- the number three hitter is Josh Phelps! the ace is John VanBenschoten, with twenty career wins! -- but the farm's lacking.

Last year's #6 overall pick, center fielder Jose Badillo from Toledo, put up a .283/.402/.500 AVG/OBP/SLG line in single-A Bakersfield, but the scouts aren't crowing quite so loudly this year. To top it off, Badillo's already 23 years young. He exudes vibes of our own first round pick, but of two years ago -- Mike Houchins. Same position, same toolsy goodness, same decent first-year numbers. But Houchins hit .205 in AA last year and dropped down to A-ball only to hit .221, and he'll be 25 this year. How's that future star thing work again? Fly through AA and AAA even though the guy couldn't hit in single-A last year? What are the odds of that? One in a thousand? In ten thousand? A million? What sort of precedent is there for a jump like that without the aid of performance enhancers? None! He sucks! Great pick, guys! Way to set back our future another three years!

Err, anyway, I see a lot of Houchins in Badillo. I can almost see his name being mentioned while reading the scouting report -- "Reminds of Michael Houchins." But as Bill James said of long-forgotten Fred Benavides in The Bill James 1991 Baseball Book:

Chief Bender, a Cincinnati exec, said that "[Benavides] reminds you of a young Kurt Stillwell," but

a. he's only two years younger than the real Kurt Stillwell, and

b. who the hell is Kurt Stillwell? If you really like him, shouldn't he remind you of a young Ozzie Smith or a young Alan Trammell or somebody?

Like Mr. James said of Benavides, I don't think Badillo will ever be a player. I hope he proves me wrong. This club could certainly use the help. But who the hell is Michael Houchins, really?

The main problem for the Evil Fishies is that they're trying to win by cobbling together a bunch of average players. Just by the laws of nature, some of those guys will struggle, like Edgar "The Worst Gonzalez Ever" did last year in losing 19 games, and suddenly you see the club in last. They'll be better this year, but even if they win 20 more, they'd still be under .500. And that's a longshot. How many teams actually win 20 more? How many teams have every player exceed expectations -- and still have no hope of even finishing second?

As bleak and dismal a picture as that is (Francis Danby?), it's reassuring, as this is definitely a bunch more hapless than the Pale Hose. I mean, at least we've got The Art of Suck. Tampa just has suck; no class, no culture, and certainly no Francis Danby, just vast cesspools of suck. But, hey, at least the weather's nice.

[cknox0723]

creed might sob at the state of affairs up north. The Blue Jays have the stars that the bottom-feeding Rays are lacking, with Roy Halladay giving Mark Buehrle a run for his money and Carlos Delgado striking terror into the Department of Homeland Security and opposing pitchers alike. But there ain't much help. However, there is some hope, I suppose, as many of the bit players on the club struggled last year.

P.S. Pls scroll over & read "notes" u wil go thx!

PLAYER		AGE	'05 OPS		'06 OPS		CHANGE		NOTES
C G. Quiroz	25	.779		.616		-.163		catching full-time sucks.  just ask Guillermo!
1B C. Delgado	34	1020		.962		-.058		pray for aging first sackers making $12.95 mill.
2B O. Hudson	29	.868		.793		-.075		age 27 peak season!
3B E. Hinske	29	.771		.739		-.032		hinksi is a bust there ear, even if his had was fine, he sucks
SS D. Berg	36	ewww		yuck		wow		ouch
Left Fielders	26	.760		.800		+.040		L. Nix and A. Rios; both should play
CF V. Wells	28	.921		.766		-.155		not so studly when he hits .260, like so many before him (Soriano?)
RF M. Restovich	28	Pass		.706		who cares?	.296 OBP...it's cringe-tastic!

There's no Proven Closer (TM, with a nod to Mr. Hulten), with the likely candidates being unappealing sorts named Knott (not good) and Geary (switch gears). The back of the rotation's nasty, too, and not along the lines of a Rick Ankiel fastball. Mike Bacsik? Chris Reitsma? These guys grow on trees.

Scott Thorman, a 25 year old with prodigious power, provides a nice trade chit since he resides in terror of The Terrorist, and that sucking wound at short (see pretty chart above) could be filled by 26 year old Russ Adams, who has a 1.000 career batting average despite never reaching AAA, or 24 year old Aaron Hill, who's, uh, in AAA. Barely. He struck out 164 times and received 21 free passes in AA last year.

And that might best personify the Jays. Hope rests on a shortstop with an "abundance of talent" and 8 whiffs for every walk, or maybe hope resting on last year's first rounder Tom Fresquez, an 18 year old third sacker whose line at single-A Dunedin was lousy enough to not merit a mention. The Evil Fishies may be a worse organization than us; it's a close call. But the Blue Jays give us both a run for our money. All $53,666,953 of it. And that's even less with the exchange rate.

[cknox0723]

The Baltimore club plays base ball in a way that would make the purists smile. Simply put, they are flush with many talented pitchers, among them one of my personal favorites of all-time, Mariano Rivera. None of the others are going to make the Hall of Fame, but Erik Bedard looks like a top-of-the-rotation man and there are some nice names in the bunch. Jason "Orange Bere". Rick "Left Bauer". A reliever who would be a non-descript young'un if not for his wonderful name, Jacobo Sequea. The staff finished ninth in the bigs last year with a 3.60 ERA and everyone's returning, so they've got something here.

But they finished under .500 and will likely do so again because they can't hit. Miguel Tejada is the same player you'd expect, but otherwise they have a bunch of one-dimensional players. Walter Young, a first sacker, does merit a mention only because he's a freakin' behemoth at 295 pounds, and last year's first round pick, backstop Joe Carr, is already slated to break camp with the big boys after just one year in pro ball. Unfortunately, it's after a .241/.321/.348 line at AA Bowie, and out of necessity as the backup to Geronimo Gil. Such is life in middle-market Baltimore, who bled cash last year and showed it after this offseason netted them just a pair of minor-leaguers in Blake Hawksworth and our former man, "Gangly Tim" Tisch. That adds up to a very high probability of another sub-.500 season. $10 million contracts, nevermore.

[cknox0723]

Boston's solution to missing the playoffs by a game was to throw millions and millions at relief pitchers Alfonseca and (Grant) Roberts, both fine pitchers, but I doubt that their 120-160 innings, no matter how high-leverage, will be the be-all and end-all determination as to reaching their Mount Blanc. Rather, in my estimation, the key will be whether Anastacio is actually "The Lesser Martinez" or a fine complement to Pedro, B.K. Kim, and A.J. Burnett, and whether Mike Mussina's 5.23 ERA for the Empire last year was a product of DIPS and Clutch Jetes' "defense" or the beginning of the end. I'll bet on the former.

Manny Ramirez could have put more clams in the chowder last year had he posted an OPS just 100 points lower than his career average rather than 250+, but even at age 34, our scout/trout likes his chances of a rebound. Dumping Robbie Alomar and Scott Spiezio, who combined to hit an empty .210 last year, will only help, but it may be balanced out by a not-so-graceful fall from the surprisingly productive backstop duo of Vance Wilson and Michel Hernandez. OOTP only knowing ratings aside, you want to bet on those two combining for a .300 average and 20 long balls again? I wouldn't.

This club is a souped-up version of the Baltimore franchise, and it really shows that one man, whether that man is Nomar or Miggy Tejada, can't carry a franchise unless he's in a Bondsian stratosphere. Slightly above-average players like Bill Mueller and Kevin Millar make a world of difference when trying to compete. Combine that with a fine pitching staff, and you've got the recipe for an unorthdox competitor in this world of Moneyball. Maybe it's the clam chowder.

[gordyhulten]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

There's no Proven Closer (TM, with a nod to Mr. Hulten), with the likely candidates being unappealing sorts named Knott (not good) and Geary (switch gears). The back of the rotation's nasty, too, and not along the lines of a Rick Ankiel fastball. Mike Bacsik? Chris Reitsma? These guys grow on trees.

Boy, I'm slow.

Here's a hat tip right back atcha, Mr. Knox.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by gordyhulten

Boy, I'm slow.

Here's a hat tip right back atcha, Mr. Knox.

Ah, glad you caught it. Thank you, sir, and you've got my honor -- I'll work in your favorite stat at some point, too.

[cknox0723]

The Empire's playing a different ballgame than the Pale Hose. It's not about the money. It's about the attitude. I count 4 MVP's among the club's players, two of which have been handed out in this alternate universe to newly-signed Brian Giles, the biggest offseason acquisition you'll ever find. Jason Schmidt and Javy Vazquez have pulled down two of the last three Cy Young awards. Some might say it's the money that allows the Empire to bring all of these guys in.

Nope. That's just an excuse. It's the win-win-win line of thinking that's even apparent in a computer simulation. The Pale Hose are messing around with Julio Lugo and Juan Uribe and applauding bringing in Eric Munson and Adam Kennedy. That's not good enough for the Yankees. They have and had competent guys waiting in the wings. Eddy Candelario, who's sitting in AAA Columbus, posted a 3.98 ERA in 117 innings last year. You think I wouldn't have preferred that over The Art of Suck? Bryan Myrow's got a .700 career OPS over three partial seasons, and in this universe, that's above replacement-level even for a corner infielder. Whither Joe Crede?

But by bringing in Scot Shields, a 30-save man, even though David Weathers chased Bobby Thigpen's only mark on the game last year, the Yankees are creating their own depth. Gary "Kitten Killer" Sheffield showed signs of impassiveness at the age of 37, hitting .236 with just 11 long balls, so in comes two-time MVP Giles when Little Giles, a .300 hitter and Gold Glover in his own right, already resided in the Bronx. This is an Empire right here, but it's not really an evil one. It's bordering on brilliance. It's a factory of baseball talent, a machine for 100-win seasons, efficiency that would make Ford's heart throb, and I'm not talking about The Chairman of the Board.

Does the money help? Sure. But the attitude permeating from this organization is that average and marginal isn't good enough, and sure enough, the only weak link in this lineup is catcher Toby Hall, but most every team is lacking a quality catcher. Hell, 23 year old supposed pheenom Bronson Sardinha hit a fluky .280 last year, after which I dubbed him "IHNPPaaRP, EOISNY", short for "I Have No Plate Patience and a Reverse Platoon Split, Even Odds I Suck Next Year." Well, now it is next year, and he won't get a chance to live up to that nickname because he's staring up at Godzilla, B. Giles, and another .300 hitter in Randy Winn.

The Gload is in AAA. Doesn't that tell you all you'd ever need to know about this club? They've also got last year's Rookie of the Year, right-handed moundsman Tyler Clippard, who I mention now only because I see the Hall of Fame in his future, and I'd be a fool to ignore him. The playoffs are an afterthought for the Yankees. Sure, maybe they'll lose in the first round like that did last year, but what does that really mean? I can't see them missing the playoffs next year, or the year after, or the year after, and that's without making a single change from the present. They're that good. Billy Beane would dream to have done so much.

[cknox0723]

So what does all of this mean for the American League's Eastern division in 2007? Outwardly, not a whole lot, as I can't say that the division will change shape at all this year. The Yankees are the runaway favorites to win it all, let alone the division, and Boston is in the somewhat comfortable #2 position, facing a season-long dogfight with the other top runners-up for the wild card. Spitballing it, those would be Los Angeles of Anaheim, Los Angeles of Minneapolis, and Los Angeles of Seattle, but I guess we'll see for sure soon enough. Boston may or may not improve, but getting non-contributors R. Alomar and S. Spiezio out of the lineup makes it hard to put money on a decline, and 92 wins is a nice base to start out from anyway. Baltimore's solid pitching slots them in around .500, which will be plenty good for third, and much as I'd like to pick Tampa to go from 54 wins to fourth place, my heart's not really in it. Toronto's got Halladay and Delgado, and how many John VanBenschotens does it take to make up that difference? More than 25, fo' sho'. So, much as I hate to fall back on last year's standings, I can't see the AL East any other way in this universe.

[The Funk]

Great stuff! Are you going to be previewing all the divisions? If yes, is it so you can start the season roughly at the same time as the actual majors, just to add a new feature to the dynasty or a bit of both? (Or something else). Whichever way, it works!

Originally Posted by cknox0723

Hell, 23 year old supposed pheenom Bronson Sardinha hit a fluky .280 last year, after which I dubbed him "IHNPPaaRP, EOISNY", short for "I Have No Plate Patience and a Reverse Platoon Split, Even Odds I Suck Next Year."

^^^brilliant. There are far too few acronym nicknames in the world today. Good to see you're fighting the good fight.

Also, I think you should have a 'written by a Yankee fan' disclaimer on your NY preview.

[Vris]

Originally Posted by The Funk

Also, I think you should have a 'written by a Yankee fan' disclaimer on your NY preview.

^^^
Beat me to it.


Actually, The Funk, I think he previewed the entire AL in last year's installment.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

Great stuff! Are you going to be previewing all the divisions? If yes, is it so you can start the season roughly at the same time as the actual majors, just to add a new feature to the dynasty or a bit of both? (Or something else). Whichever way, it works!

Yes, sir, that be the plan, and starting the season the same time as the big boys sounds like a most excellent idea. If I don't burn out, I will give that a shot. Glad you like, I had been thinking for a while that this was one of those things I was doing purely for my own enjoyment. Yes, it means much longer until we see Shea "Trade me faggot!" Hillenbrand, but I think it's worth it. If this one's going to be an in-depth dynasty, it may as well truly be in-depth.

Originally Posted by The Funk

^^^brilliant. There are far too few acronym nicknames in the world today. Good to see you're fighting the good fight.

Going over all the teams has allowed me to add in quite a few nicknames. It's been a nice bonus.

Originally Posted by The Funk

Also, I think you should have a 'written by a Yankee fan' disclaimer on your NY preview.

Oddly, I have become less and less of a Yankee fan over the years, and more and more of a baseball fan. It's particularly evident on these boards as people have said they thought I was a White Sox fan (obvious) or a Mets or Reds fan. Ick. But my colors do show through once in a while. Nonetheless, I will never be a big "baseball needs a salary cap" guy.

Originally Posted by Vris

^^^
Beat me to it.

Braves fans.

Originally Posted by Vris

Actually, The Funk, I think he previewed the entire AL in last year's installment.

Listen to the old-timer. He's been around the block a few times.

[cknox0723]

2006 FINAL STANDINGS, NATIONAL LEAGUE EAST
New York Mets..........93-69 (.574 win %), lost to COL in NLDS
Atlanta Braves.........85-77 (.525), 8 GB
Philadelphia Phillies..85-77 (.525), 8 GB
Florida Marlins........83-79 (.512), 10 GB
Montreal Expos.........80-82 (.494), 13 GB

Well, this should be more interesting than its baby brother's version, at least. The Pythagorean records show more of a spread than the actual standings, as the bottom two teams were projected to win 75 and 77 games, respectively, when looking at their runs scored and allowed, but both Atlanta and Philly significantly under-performed when using this method.

The Mets' free-spending in the offseason (hmmm, sounds familiar) may make expectorating based on last year's standings irrelevant, but I suppose it's at least worth a look-see. And with that...

[cknox0723]

It may be a hollow thanks compared to what could be, but Montrealers can rejoice that baseball will continue for their beloved Expos in this universe. Unofrtunately, it'll be full of the same woes that have plagued the Expositions in recent years, with an apparent lack of talent confining them to the lower echelon of the division. A stark reminder of that is the franchise's record four selections in the annual Rule 5 Draft, and most startling is that a raw youngster like 22 year old Jeffrey Allison has the inside track to the fifth starter's spot. But beyond a decent front three composed of former Tejanos Ryan Drese and Ricardo Rodriguez and a pickup at the trade deadline last year, Frankie Butto, the alternatives just aren't very appealing. Darrell Rasner and his 1-8 career record in 15 starts? Scott Elarton, of the 5.14 career ERA? In the words of Bill James, "Pass."

You wouldn't expect the bullpen to be a small-market club's calling card, but thanks to...wait for it...former Rule 5 pick Brady Raggio and flamethrowers Kyle Farnsworth, Luis Ayala, and Jeremy Fikac, that's just what Montreal has. The screwballer Raggio, plucked from the Arizona system two years ago, has more than tripled his career innings total with an out-of-the-ordinary resurgence in his mid-30's, but he's proved up to the challenge with ERA's of 3.15 and 2.81 since coming north. He saved 14 ballgames last year and will have a chance to double that this year. For the sake of Raul Gonzalez, I hope he gets that Proven Closer (TM) tag.

I'm surprised once again, this time just seeing a passable lineup from the bunch up north, but I guess they fell just one game short of .500 last year for a good reason. All of the "familiar" Montreal names are still around, with Jose Vidro and Orlando Cabrera forming a talented pivot duo, and Brad Wilkerson and Terrmel Sledge ("Sledgehammer") more than capably filling two of the outfield spots. First sacker Vic Diaz socked 52 doubles last year to go along with a .300 average, and if his hacking ways are less agreeable this year, stathead favorite Hee Seop Choi is still around. Third base, left field, and catcher, even with Jorge Posada having signed a cushy free-agent deal, are holes, but you can't win 'em all with a $45 million payroll, as the Hose well know.

Upon first taking a glance at this ballclub, with a low payroll and a whole bunch of Rule 5 picks, I would've tabbed them for 60 or 65 wins without a second thought. But that, as they say, is what makes all this work worth it. Well, I don't know who says that; I guess I do. Anyway, yes, the back of their rotation and bottom of their lineup suck, but Montreal has more than a few real ballplayers. And I certainly can't discount a bunch of angry Canadians. They'll be hard-pressed to sneak above .500 in what will certainly be a crowded National League East field, but they've got a fan from some hundreds of miles away; that is, until they play the Pale Hose.

[The Funk]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

Oddly, I have become less and less of a Yankee fan over the years, and more and more of a baseball fan. It's particularly evident on these boards as people have said they thought I was a White Sox fan (obvious) or a Mets or Reds fan. Ick. But my colors do show through once in a while. Nonetheless, I will never be a big "baseball needs a salary cap" guy.

I never had you pegged for a White Sox fan. I remember the reason for picking The Pale Hose was because they were a team "Craptastic enough for [you] to want to turn around". I remember that because as soon as I read it I knew I was going to enjoy the dynasty. I seem to remember you posting somewhere that you were an Evil Empire fan hence the comment. And I agree baseball doesn't need a salary cap.

I also want to point out that I hate He of the Stupid Name, Terrmel Sledge. Not a positive thing to say but I might as well get it off my chest.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

I seem to remember you posting somewhere that you were an [color=RoyalBlue]Evil Empire[color=Black] fan hence the comment.

Yah, I imagine I have mentioned it at some point in all of this babble. No sweat, it's all good.

Originally Posted by The Funk

I also want to point out that I hate He of the Stupid Name, Terrmel Sledge.

Hahaha! He has no middle name. That tells you a lot right there.

[<o>]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

Yah, I imagine I have mentioned it at some point in all of this babble. No sweat, it's all good.

Hahaha! He has no middle name. That tells you a lot right there.

I would expect it to be Sister.