[Syd Thrift]

Season Preview

There are a lot of changes in store for 1921, and to help us sort out the effect of these changes we've brought in a group of experts. From the New York Giants, manager Joe Sanchez.

Joe Sanchez: I intend to impart the proper amount of grit to this discussion. And hustle. Hustle's important.

From the Moscow Proletariat, rookie manager Orel Woitenkoff.

Orel Woitenkoff: We will bury you. Sorry, I was not talking to you, Comrade Reporter. I was talking to the American.

From the London Monarchs, first year manager Max Bates.

Max Bates: I don't really know this baseball thing so well, guys. I'm just a haberdasher. What am I doing here?

And finally, from the Paris Revolution, manager Katsuyuki Sato.

Katsuyuki Sato: I come from eastern France. Far eastern.

Thanks, guys. First of all, let's talk about the new lineup. For the first time in history, baseball has aligned itself into separate divisions within the larger leagues. We hope that this will heighten local rivalries and increase competitiveness overall.

Joe Sanchez: Also, this ensures two American teams will be in the playoffs. As one of those teams, I like those odds.

Orel Woitenkoff: Typical capitalist pig-dog rhetoric.

Joe Sanchez: I don't like you.

Enough, men. Let's take a quick look at the divisions.

American/Asian League

American Division
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Chicago Defenders
Cincinnati Reds
New York Giants
US Baseball Engineers

Katsuyuki Sato: Look at that! That's patently unfair.

Joe Sanchez: What are you talking about? The best team in the American Association is in there. Just because there are only four teams doesn't mean that it's going to be easy.

Max Bates: I once sold a hat to a man in New York!

Katsuyuki Sato: That's not the point and you know it. You're going to have 2 teams from your division going to the playoffs, whereas the only way my division gets 2 teams is if we have better records than your division?

Max Bates: Wait, aren't you from France?

Katsuyuki Sato: Oh yeah. I mean "their". Ha! Why did I say "our"? I am from France, after all! France France France!

Moving on...

Pioneer Division
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Mexico City Aztecs
Rio de Janeiro Carnival
Royal Canadian Mounted Baseballists
Shanghai Dragons
Sydney Outback
Tokyo Rising Sun

Joe Sanchez: See? You've got both of the expansion teams in there. It's not so bad.

Katsuyuki Sato: Yeah, and Mexico City and the Canadians, both countries, last time I checked, that are right next to the United States.

Joe Sanchez: Yes, but not *in* America. You foreigners just don't get it, do you? Baseball is an American sport and there needs to be an American division. That's the way it is.

Max Bates: Hey, pardon me for asking, but aren't your eyes a little squinty for a Frenchman?

Katsuyuki Sato: Those are called epicanthic folds, you idiot!

Max Bates: Blimey, mate! I thought I asked for no insults.

Orel Woitenkoff: I think I agree with Japanese man.

Katsuyuki Sato: Thanks... hey!

Orel Woitenkoff: That is unfair divisional setup that favors the pig-dogs. And also, Englishman is idiot.

Thanks for the insight. Moving on...

European League West
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Amsterdam Admirals
Brussels Painters
London Monarchs
Madrid Matadors
Paris Revolutions

Orel Woitenkoff: This is good division. All good teams put together so that Mother Russia can field only okay team and still maybe win division.

Max Bates: I like it, too. Those are basically all the good places to visit in Europe. Well, except Florence. And there isn't a team in Florence.

Katsuyuki Sato: You're still an idiot. If you're in the same division as us, that means you have to try harder to get into the playoffs.

Max Bates: Oh yeah, well... your head is small for your body size.

And the final division:

European League East
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Athens Philosophers
Berlin Teutonic Knights
Moscow Proletariat
Rome Cardinals
Vienna Musik

Katsuyuki Sato: This looks like the "Germany automatically wins" division to me.

Joe Sanchez: Yeah, people who don't know baseball all that well would probably think that. People who do understand baseball, on the other hand, can recognize the inherent clutch abilities of the Italian and Austrian races and understand that no matter how much better the Germans are on a talent basis than everyone else, they will find a way to lose.

Max Bates: I agree with Joe on the basis that he hasn't insulted me yet.

Orel Woitenkoff: We will find way to take care of Germans. I would not worry about that.

As Mr. Sato so kindly pointed out, the playoffs are being expanded as well. The European side of things is easy enough to figure out: the division winners automatically make it as well as the players with the 2 next best records. There will be an extra round to take care of this, which will be 5 games in length. On the A/A side of things, there will be one "wild card" just as there is in Europe but the final playoff squad will by the 2nd place team in the American division.

Katsuyuki Sato: An American division team could lose 100 games and make it if the other 2 teams lose more than 100. How fair is that?

Joe Sanchez: That won't happen. New York and Cincinnati both have too much grit on their roster and in their hearts to not win it all.

Katsuyuki Sato: Grit? What is this grit you are talking about?

Joe Sanchez: Moderator, do you see what I'm saying? These non-Americans simply don't understand what baseball is. Meanwhile we have a starting third baseman who is not even six feet tall. That is called clutch, my friends.

Katsuyuki Sato: I don't even know how to answer that.

Orel Woitenkoff: What is clutch? There is no clutch.

Max Bates: I think that's something you get in a car.

Don't look at me. I'm just the hired help.

Finally, the last thing we wanted to speak about is the addition of a brand new midseason exhibition called the All-Star Game. Each league picks their best players and they duke it out for nine innings. This looks to be an innocent, fun way of letting the fans see the stars of both leagues.

Joe Sanchez: This is a terrible idea. You know what would be a good idea? An All-Clutch game with the clutchiest players in the game. You wouldn't even have to play the World's Series because that would pretty much be a foregone conclusion. An All-*Star* game, though? That just muddies the picture.

Max Bates: I want to see the stars! It will be ever so much fun!

Katsuyuki Sato: This is going to be great. I so want to see my friends from the Rising Sun. My eyes are welling up just thinking about it.

Max Bates: Wait a minute! I get it! You're Japanese! You're just managing the French because they paid you a lot of money!

Katsuyuki Sato: Did I mention that you are an idiot? I can't remember anything after that last sentence of yours. It pushed everything smart out of my head the way a sumo wrestler pushes all the other patrons out of a sushi bar when he needs some delicious puffer fish. Anyway, you are an idiot.

Well, folks, that's a wrap! I hope you understand this league just a little better now!