The Chronicles of Curtis Borkholder

knockahoma · 04-16-2005, 07:52 PM

Edit: Steve Battisti
OK, this has nothing to do with 2007, it's from OOTP 6, but it's like, the funniest OOTP-related thread EVAR. So I'm moving it to the 2007 forum so people can enjoy it!

Overall, I enjoy OOTP6. I really do appreciate the massive amount of work, but man OOTP taxes my imagination, sometimes.

Friday 4/2/1954 :

Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA Rochester.
Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.

Orioles Manager Yo-Yo Keough explained the move: "Borkholder just wasn't getting it done. Sure, he hadn't pitched an innning yet, but neither have you and I wouldn't use you either, ya sonofabing. Stanek gives us that slow breaking ball lefty we need. And that's that. If Borkholder don't like it, he can go fly off into some Universe where they got a collective bargaining agreement, cuz there ain't one here on Planet X. Everybody knows that o' course. I'm being sarcastic, not indulging in exposition for the reader's sake, for gumpa's sake."

Saturday 4/3/1954 :

Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster.
Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA .

Yo-Yo Keough sat in front of the blue and orange lockers, chawing on a cigar in his white tanktop, his belly hanging prominently over his belt. "Look, I got me reasons, alright! Borholder has put in him time. He's a vet. He's two year older and more experienced than Stanek!!! By God, I called Borholder up and may the Glorious God of this here whole frickin universe strike me dead if I didn't have a glorious good reason ta do it!!"

It was at this point amidst the crowded reporters that Yo-Yo Keough disappeared in thin air. " He was there and then he wasn't," said wide-eyed catcher Bob Steele, hitting .236 this year. UFO fanatics camped outside the stadium this morning with signs that read, among other things: "Yo-Yo go home!" and " Yo-Yo is the father of my alien baby." Burt Castor has been promoted from hitting coach to Manager. Said GM Harry Belafonte, "We need a steady hand here. Stability after what's happened."

Sunday 4/4/1954 :

Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.

As newly-named Orioles manager Burt Castor watched Stanek warm up in the bullpen after being called back from the bus station just before he boarded for Rochester, the new manager explained in a slow, syrruppy voice, "Stanek was always my choice. He's two years younger than Borkholder. We're slumping into 6th place in an 8 team league.....and, Borkholder has a funny blue birthmark that looks like a question-mark on his face. He was scaring the children and attendance was dropping."

Monday 4/5/1954 :

Released P Tim Boehm.
Released P Ron Huskey.
Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster.
Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.
Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster.
Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.
Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster.
Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA .

It was a busy day for veteran southpaw Curt Borkholder, who spent most of Monday in a taxi cab that kept turning around. Back in an Orioles uniform, a solemn Borkholder reflected and made a promise, "I'll do whatever this Bleepin team wants me to do. I'm a bleepin' team player. That that stinkin Stanek got sent down is just a bonus. Now that my bleepin' feet are under me, I'm gonna be the best bleepin' middle relieving lefty this town has ever seen! You mark my bleepin words cuz they's good as gold you Bleepin-bleep."

Tuesday 4/6/1954 :

Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.

Wednesday 4/7/1954 :

Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster.
Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA .

.....So the weirdest thing, Maury. I'm in this bar and I see the president of the bleepin' Orioles making out with this hot tomale. Cept' HE's bleepin' married... and I KNOW he's married and HE knows I know HE's Married!!! So, here I sit, a bleepin' Oriole again. Screw Stanek! Hope he enjoys his time in Hell-Chester!

Thursday 4/8/1954 :

Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.

Curtis Borkholder pitched two innnings, gave up one run and was sent to Rochester. In other Orioles notes, the President of the Orioles, Chester A. Brownley was found shot in the head 27 times. Certain parts of Mr. Brownley's anatomy were reported missing, although details were kept tightly guarded by police due to the year, which is 1954. The sole suspect is Mrs. Laura Browning, wife of the deceased.

The Curtis Borkholder Chronicles have been sponsored by Knockahoma. Please visit Knockahoma's "Asterisk" thread on Suggestions for OOTP 7. And keep reading. Will Curtis Borkholder be called up to the majors again, or is his career over?

Find out in the next installment of The Curtis Borkholder Chronicles.

ifspuds · 04-16-2005, 07:56 PM

Taxes your imagination? I'd say it gets it chugging right along.

You had me laughing so hard I had to stop and catch my breath.

On a more serious note, this is one of my biggest complaints with OOTP, the Triple-A shuttle. I'm not sure *why*, from a coding standpoint, the AI makes these moves but it really needs a good fine-tuning.

Spielman · 04-16-2005, 08:14 PM

I'm going to talk to my lawyer about filing a lawsuit. I laughed so hard I'm quite sure that I've suffered brain damage from a lack of oxygen.

-Spielman

knockahoma · 04-17-2005, 07:34 PM

Thanks fellas

I actually got into watching Curtis Borkholder for the rest of the year. Shall I continue tracking and reporting on the Borkmeister?

Spielman · 04-17-2005, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knockahoma

Thanks fellas

I actually got into watching Curtis Borkholder for the rest of the year. Shall I continue tracking and reporting on the Borkmeister?

Damn straight.

-Spielman

ifspuds · 04-17-2005, 09:34 PM

Absolutely!

GCCWolverine · 04-18-2005, 08:14 AM

Definitely.

Mike Donlin · 04-18-2005, 10:32 AM

Hellchester is a long way from Baltimore.

Bobble · 04-18-2005, 11:17 AM

Was that "taxes" your imagination or "taxis" your imagination (as well as "Ping Pong" Borkholder).

"But Mr. Owner, think of the frequent flyer miles!"

Bobble · 04-18-2005, 11:21 AM

BTW, I found a player pic for Curtis "General" Borkholder:

knockahoma · 04-18-2005, 09:27 PM

7/3/1954

Trade with Cleveland :
Cleveland gets :
RF Steve James
$2,100,000 cash.
We get :
3B Bill Ashby
C Johnny West

Mired in sixth place in the American League, the Orioles began looking toward the future, trading RF Steve James and $2 million dollars in cash (roughly half the Gross National Product this year) for 3B/SS Bill Ashby, only 19.

The 1st place Indians' ingenius Management had originally asked for only one million dollars, but upped the price after further consideration. By taking the costly deal, Baltimore gets one of the league's finest prospects, while escaping damage from what Cleveland Management termed a "laser-beam".

Relief Pitcher Curtis "ping-pong" Borkholder stood in the Orioles dugout watching reporters throng around the teenaged infielder.

"Two million ****ing gazoos," Borkholder said. " he better not ****ing trip us up. We still got a chance at the pennant."

A chance yes; but a slim one. Nineteen games down in July, behind Dr. Evil's Cleveland Indians, the Orioles hopes hang on several teams slumping. In a related story,the Kansas City A's have disappeared.

The 32 year old left-handed spitball artist has been bouncing up and down between the Orioles and Rochester this year.

"Don't be writin' I'm a spitter anymore," Borkholder said. " I had a tiffany. Do right and the Universe will do right by You. Respect the universe and it respects you."

"Hey Borkdork," the batboy calls. "Burt wants ya in his office."

7/4/54

Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA .
Harry McPhee was promoted from A to AA .
Mark Sale was promoted from AA to AAA .
Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.

plannine · 03-28-2006, 04:32 PM

So was that it for Curtis?

Renner · 03-28-2006, 06:42 PM

I need closure !

Sublimity · 03-28-2006, 11:08 PM

Knockahoma hasn't been active on these boards for nearly a year.

Renner · 03-28-2006, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sublimity

Knockahoma hasn't been active on these boards for nearly a year.

I now have closure.

Comedian2004 · 03-31-2006, 02:14 PM

Maybe Borkholder killed him.

reds1 · 03-31-2006, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knockahoma

Said GM Harry Belafonte, "We need a steady hand here. Stability after what's happened."

DAY-O!

Funny stuff. I'm glad this was bumped up.

Melo · 03-31-2006, 03:18 PM

I laughed hard. I must have missed it the first time around.

Steve Kuffrey · 03-31-2006, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Comedian2004

Maybe Borkholder killed him.

Sent him to the "russian front"

bp_ · 04-07-2006, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sublimity

Knockahoma hasn't been active on these boards for nearly a year.

Too bad. That was some funny stuff.

04-16-2005, 07:52 PM	#1
knockahoma All Star Reserve Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 792	The Chronicles of Curtis Borkholder Edit: Steve Battisti OK, this has nothing to do with 2007, it's from OOTP 6, but it's like, the funniest OOTP-related thread EVAR. So I'm moving it to the 2007 forum so people can enjoy it! Overall, I enjoy OOTP6. I really do appreciate the massive amount of work, but man OOTP taxes my imagination, sometimes. Friday 4/2/1954 : Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA Rochester. Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Orioles Manager Yo-Yo Keough explained the move: "Borkholder just wasn't getting it done. Sure, he hadn't pitched an innning yet, but neither have you and I wouldn't use you either, ya sonofabing. Stanek gives us that slow breaking ball lefty we need. And that's that. If Borkholder don't like it, he can go fly off into some Universe where they got a collective bargaining agreement, cuz there ain't one here on Planet X. Everybody knows that o' course. I'm being sarcastic, not indulging in exposition for the reader's sake, for gumpa's sake." Saturday 4/3/1954 : Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Yo-Yo Keough sat in front of the blue and orange lockers, chawing on a cigar in his white tanktop, his belly hanging prominently over his belt. "Look, I got me reasons, alright! Borholder has put in him time. He's a vet. He's two year older and more experienced than Stanek!!! By God, I called Borholder up and may the Glorious God of this here whole frickin universe strike me dead if I didn't have a glorious good reason ta do it!!" It was at this point amidst the crowded reporters that Yo-Yo Keough disappeared in thin air. " He was there and then he wasn't," said wide-eyed catcher Bob Steele, hitting .236 this year. UFO fanatics camped outside the stadium this morning with signs that read, among other things: "Yo-Yo go home!" and " Yo-Yo is the father of my alien baby." Burt Castor has been promoted from hitting coach to Manager. Said GM Harry Belafonte, "We need a steady hand here. Stability after what's happened." Sunday 4/4/1954 : Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster. As newly-named Orioles manager Burt Castor watched Stanek warm up in the bullpen after being called back from the bus station just before he boarded for Rochester, the new manager explained in a slow, syrruppy voice, "Stanek was always my choice. He's two years younger than Borkholder. We're slumping into 6th place in an 8 team league.....and, Borkholder has a funny blue birthmark that looks like a question-mark on his face. He was scaring the children and attendance was dropping." Monday 4/5/1954 : Released P Tim Boehm. Released P Ron Huskey. Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA . It was a busy day for veteran southpaw Curt Borkholder, who spent most of Monday in a taxi cab that kept turning around. Back in an Orioles uniform, a solemn Borkholder reflected and made a promise, "I'll do whatever this Bleepin team wants me to do. I'm a bleepin' team player. That that stinkin Stanek got sent down is just a bonus. Now that my bleepin' feet are under me, I'm gonna be the best bleepin' middle relieving lefty this town has ever seen! You mark my bleepin words cuz they's good as gold you Bleepin-bleep." Tuesday 4/6/1954 : Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Wednesday 4/7/1954 : Curtis Borkholder was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Harry Stanek was sent down from the active roster to AAA . .....So the weirdest thing, Maury. I'm in this bar and I see the president of the bleepin' Orioles making out with this hot tomale. Cept' HE's bleepin' married... and I KNOW he's married and HE knows I know HE's Married!!! So, here I sit, a bleepin' Oriole again. Screw Stanek! Hope he enjoys his time in Hell-Chester! Thursday 4/8/1954 : Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster. Curtis Borkholder pitched two innnings, gave up one run and was sent to Rochester. In other Orioles notes, the President of the Orioles, Chester A. Brownley was found shot in the head 27 times. Certain parts of Mr. Brownley's anatomy were reported missing, although details were kept tightly guarded by police due to the year, which is 1954. The sole suspect is Mrs. Laura Browning, wife of the deceased. The Curtis Borkholder Chronicles have been sponsored by Knockahoma. Please visit Knockahoma's "Asterisk" thread on Suggestions for OOTP 7. And keep reading. Will Curtis Borkholder be called up to the majors again, or is his career over? Find out in the next installment of The Curtis Borkholder Chronicles. Last edited by battists; 08-22-2007 at 09:03 AM.

04-16-2005, 07:56 PM	#2
ifspuds Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Spokane WA Posts: 2,117	Taxes your imagination? I'd say it gets it chugging right along. You had me laughing so hard I had to stop and catch my breath. On a more serious note, this is one of my biggest complaints with OOTP, the Triple-A shuttle. I'm not sure why, from a coding standpoint, the AI makes these moves but it really needs a good fine-tuning. __________________ Jeff Watson Former dynasty writer and online league player, now mostly retired

04-17-2005, 09:34 PM	#6
ifspuds Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Spokane WA Posts: 2,117	Absolutely! __________________ Jeff Watson Former dynasty writer and online league player, now mostly retired

04-18-2005, 11:17 AM	#9
Bobble Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: High and outside Posts: 3,814	Was that "taxes" your imagination or "taxis" your imagination (as well as "Ping Pong" Borkholder). "But Mr. Owner, think of the frequent flyer miles!" __________________

04-18-2005, 11:21 AM	#10
Bobble Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: High and outside Posts: 3,814	Klink, you idiot! BTW, I found a player pic for Curtis "General" Borkholder: Attached Images __________________

04-16-2005, 08:14 PM	#3
Spielman All Star Starter Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: South Carolina Posts: 1,668	I'm going to talk to my lawyer about filing a lawsuit. I laughed so hard I'm quite sure that I've suffered brain damage from a lack of oxygen. -Spielman

04-17-2005, 07:34 PM	#4
knockahoma All Star Reserve Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 792	Thanks fellas I actually got into watching Curtis Borkholder for the rest of the year. Shall I continue tracking and reporting on the Borkmeister?

04-18-2005, 08:14 AM	#7
GCCWolverine Minors (Double A) Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Amherst, NY Posts: 145	Definitely.

04-18-2005, 10:32 AM	#8
Mike Donlin All Star Reserve Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Life, friends, is boring. Posts: 840	Hellchester is a long way from Baltimore.

04-18-2005, 09:27 PM	#11
knockahoma All Star Reserve Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 792	7/3/1954 Trade with Cleveland : Cleveland gets : RF Steve James $2,100,000 cash. We get : 3B Bill Ashby C Johnny West Mired in sixth place in the American League, the Orioles began looking toward the future, trading RF Steve James and $2 million dollars in cash (roughly half the Gross National Product this year) for 3B/SS Bill Ashby, only 19. The 1st place Indians' ingenius Management had originally asked for only one million dollars, but upped the price after further consideration. By taking the costly deal, Baltimore gets one of the league's finest prospects, while escaping damage from what Cleveland Management termed a "laser-beam". Relief Pitcher Curtis "ping-pong" Borkholder stood in the Orioles dugout watching reporters throng around the teenaged infielder. "Two million **ing gazoos," Borkholder said. " he better not **ing trip us up. We still got a chance at the pennant." A chance yes; but a slim one. Nineteen games down in July, behind Dr. Evil's Cleveland Indians, the Orioles hopes hang on several teams slumping. In a related story,the Kansas City A's have disappeared. The 32 year old left-handed spitball artist has been bouncing up and down between the Orioles and Rochester this year. "Don't be writin' I'm a spitter anymore," Borkholder said. " I had a tiffany. Do right and the Universe will do right by You. Respect the universe and it respects you." "Hey Borkdork," the batboy calls. "Burt wants ya in his office." 7/4/54 Curtis Borkholder was sent down from the active roster to AAA . Harry McPhee was promoted from A to AA . Mark Sale was promoted from AA to AAA . Harry Stanek was promoted from AAA to the active roster.

03-28-2006, 04:32 PM	#12
plannine All Star Reserve Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Michigan Posts: 555	So was that it for Curtis?

03-28-2006, 06:42 PM	#13
Renner Major Leagues Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 415	I need closure !

03-28-2006, 11:08 PM	#14
Sublimity Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: This thread. Posts: 3,199	Knockahoma hasn't been active on these boards for nearly a year. __________________ mrs ria: I hereby dub Sublimity the Glorious Upholder of the 5B3. Current leading vote-getter in the Worst Poster in OT History poll.

03-31-2006, 02:14 PM	#16
Comedian2004 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: In a house in Saint Cloud, Florida. Posts: 7,085	Maybe Borkholder killed him. __________________ Like BLUES? Visit www.smokestacklightnin.com, you will LOVE it! New show every Monday!! New Blues HOF![/COLOR][/FONT]

03-31-2006, 03:18 PM	#18
Melo All Star Starter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Where the baned reside Posts: 1,428	I laughed hard. I must have missed it the first time around.