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Old 11-23-2019, 10:30 AM   #441
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2078 Season (8/15 – 8/17)

Golden State Warriors (76-41, .650, 1st MLB, AL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (67-49, .578, 2nd NL West)
Somehow, the representative from Oakland, CA, has kept a furious pace by relying on a pitching staff that, while ranked 1st in the MLB, has, seemingly, outperformed their ceiling if the reports submitted by my scouting team are to be believed. Even their offense, ranked 3rd in the American League, has some suspect performances from the rank and file. It seems that either these guys are all having a career year, simultaneously, or my scouts aren’t very good at their jobs. So far in 2078, we are 12-3 against teams from the AL West – but, we haven’t faced off with these guys yet. We’ll find out if this whole thing, Golden State’s ascent from being just another face in the crowd to leading the parade, is just an apparition… some bizarre set of circumstances that, while presently unexplainable, are rooted in the basic, undeniable reality that, sometimes, things just work out – even when there is no logical reason for them to do so… Listen, I don’t know why the Golden State Warriors are performing so well in 2078 – there is nothing that screams “look at me” when you peruse their roster – maybe it is because they are in the weaker of our two leagues, in a weak division, or, maybe, they’ve been lucky. Or, and this may be the most likely scenario of them all, maybe they are just really this good and maybe my leadership team can’t figure it out because we are just really feeling our way around in the dark in this whole baseball thing.

117 of 162: Ken Spears (11-7, 2.53) @ Jonny Garcia (7-5, 2.44)
Loss, 7-2
. Garcia gave up 6 runs during the 3rd through 5th innings… our team, after a two-run bottom of the 1st, experienced an engine failure and sputtered to the finish of this one. There’s not much to look at here and even less to discuss – this was just one of those games where one team shows up and the other, in this case, us, doesn’t. Sure, our guys had their uniforms on, their new era crowns were new, crisp, and most of them, I’m looking at you Brisky, even brought their gloves – but, it was all for naught. We may as well have shown up in our pajamas like they lazy parents of the drop-off line – it’s not that we embarrassed ourselves, we’re too self-absorbed for that, it’s that we’ve left a lasting impression on our fans – especially the younger ones – that getting all dressed up is, really, only half the battle.

118 of 162: Gary Benoit (10-4, 3.62) @ Paul Yeager (13-8, 3.33)
Win, 4-2
. Yeager only let two get across, Barbaccia closed out his 35th heroic act, and 1B Nolan Steffan went 1 for 2 with 2 RBIs. Rake & Rajkumar both stole bags, we hit 3 SAC FLIES as a team (Dontrell, Dick, Nolan), and Michael Brisk, who actually brought his glove today, earned his second hold of the season as he closed out the 8th inning, pitched to two batters, and got both of them to pop out on 9 total pitches. We pay the guy, roughly, $168K per game, so… yeah, totally worth it.

Elsewhere: SP Adam Gunter, of the Vancouver Giants, cam oh so close to throwing a no-no against the San Francisco Seals. He carried it into the 9th inning and ended up with a complete game, 1-hit, and 13 K, shutout victory. I’m gutted for the guy.

119 of 162: Kyle Talamante (9-4, 4.12) @ Aiden Jensen (10-8, 3.42)
Loss, 10-1
. LF Livan Frias put a top of the 1st GRAND SLAM on the board and the Golden State Warriors never looked back from there. OH HONG drove in our only run, Dick McTaggart got drilled by Oakland starter, Kyle Talamante, for crowding the plate, and Julian Goodwin committed his 15th error of the year. There is really not a lot to discuss here – sure, there are complaints, lots of them actually, but they are too numerous and my emotions too raw to list. Ours is a club with no country – soon to be forced to flee from the bosom of Los Angeles to hit the road as a traveling salesman of sorts. We’ll head out on a 12-game road trip to peddle our subpar brand of baseball to the unwitting masses who know only of our recent World Series win and nothing of our current form. Our charter, it seems, is to disappoint.

Elsewhere: Rad Taylor was at it again for Compton… your boy threw another complete game shutout (including 9 K’s) against the Salem Silverbacks. The Raiders won the game by a score of 5-0, C Monty Williams hit a double and drove in 3 runs, Anaconda scored, Kirk struck out 3 times and still scored (story of this kids’ life – even with the strikeouts, he finds himself in the cake), and Marshburn was hit by a pitch. We’re suddenly, and without warning, a full 3 games behind the Suns – but, will be looking to course-correct starting with our upcoming 3-game set in Houston while they face off against the Seals.
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Old 11-24-2019, 12:03 PM   #442
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2078 Season (8/19 – 8/21)

First, a note: Yan Welli, my assistant, the Chinese meaning of whose name is apropos, informed me that the mayor of Castroville has, unceremoniously, booted our AA team from her town due to an incident some of our players had with some local farmers at a notoriously rough watering hole. Not to worry, she said, I’ve already found them a new home in Inglewood and our crackerjack marketing team is, just now, putting the finishing touches on their new team concept. We’ve landed on the Sentinels, which, will do in a pinch…. So, just like that, it’s done. When the dust settles, I think it will be clear to all involved that Yan Welli is the best assistant we’ve ever had in Los Angeles.

Los Angeles Kings (68-51, .571 2nd NL West) @ Houston Dynamo (54-67, .446, 5th NL West)
I don’t think that, given the number of times I've spoken on the state of the Houston Dynamo, that there is anything new of note worth calling out here – what’s been said is still accurate, they’ve not turned any corners requiring explanation and are, in fact, as poor a club as they were the last time we met. I’ve not even bothered to crack open the scouting report that Zahur has provided to all the pertinent parties… I’ve got Megan back in the fold for the day-to-day – the President of Baseball Operations, as I’ve deemed myself, has no time to get bogged down in the minutiae of such matters. I’ve got bigger fish to fry, or a bigger fish fry to eat, or, better yet – I have a butter-poached crab served on a kimchi pancake to devour while meeting with Dynamo Owner, and heir to a Kentucky-based Whiskey fortune, Victor Davies at a spot called Tris. The subject of our meeting is, really, as much a mystery to me as it is to you – from what I recall, it concerned my future and wanted to know what I thought of the Lonestar State. My answers, of course, were non-committal – after all, I was too busy enjoying my meal, the scenery, and the flirtatious bartender to give Vic anything more than the minimum required amount of my attention to make him think that I was actually listening to whatever it was he was blathering on about. For desert, I had a whiskey neat, and as a parting gift, I let Vic down softly enough with my usual spiel – I’m happy in LA, have no plans of leaving, but do very much appreciate his interest, and will, of course, keep it in mind. The future, after all, is a terribly difficult thing to predict.

120 of 162: Trevor Dotson (7-9, 4.76) @ Abe Meinecke (10-12, 4.65)
Win, 6-2
. We’d get a multi-HR day from Dontrell Gay and a complete, 1-run effort out of Dotson, who, despite his recent missteps, looked quite good out there tonight. The win, as it were, required a late-innings charge from the Kings… we delivered the message, set to the tune of 5-runs, during the top of the 8th and 9th innings, and succeeded in sending Houston’s fans back out to their everyday lives with a sour taste in their mouths while securing our 69th win of the 2078 campaign. Rajkumar & Rake Lewis were responsible for the two runs that Dontrell didn’t provide, Goodwin hit a SAC BUNT, and, from the bad news department, OH HONG had to leave early after he injured himself while running the bases – diagnosis: no biggie, he’ll be listed DtD for 4-5 days…

Elsewhere: Tom Franzone, still on his quest for immortality, added a dinger to his running tab and finished 5 for 6 with a double, a jack, 4 RBIs, and 3 runs in Pittsburgh’s 13-3 win over Orlando City… 45 and counting for him. The odds-on favorite to take home the Boyce Rigg hardware hit an RBI single in the 1st, doubled in the 2nd, grounded out in the 4th, singled in the 6th, hit a two-run home run off SP Reed Pirelli in the 8th and came around again to hit an RBI single off of RP Jack Grace later in that same frame. He’s doing the things that, once upon a time, Otto used to do for us – pre-Yogi inspired dietary shenanigans and the subsequent season-ending injury that followed… speaking of which, I’ve not heard a peep out of that guy since I sent him to the Sullys Hill National Game Preserve to look in on a possible Foggy sighting – this could mean one of two things… he’s either still working on her or he’s taking this whole birding cover much too seriously. In some news out of the CITY OF COMPTON, RF Aris Anaconda went 3 for 4 with 3 RBIs (all on run-scoring singles by the way…) in the Raiders 4-0 win over the Sugarland Skeeters – Kirk Johnson, not to be completely outdone, went 2 for 4 with an RBI and a run. Oh, and our starter, Paul Wilson threw a complete game, 2-hit, shutout. His curveball was dominant, his fastball serviceable, and his smile, for those in the audience who are so inclined, was, undeniably, charming. And, lastly, the newly re-named Inglewood Sentinels lost their first name contested under that moniker to the Bremerton Yardies by a score of 5-4 despite homers from Tim Thorp and Pete Glass and because of Bremerton’s Maverick Page’s bottom of the 8th, PH, 3-run ding dong.

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Side note: Houston, it should be noted, is, in addition to housing some really fine eating establishments and despite its penchant for orange, a beacon of shining light for those among us who are interested in vintage paperbacks and hard-to-find, eclectic vinyl. I’ve found some absolute treasures at Becker’s Books – enter at your own risk, you have been warned.

121 of 162: Newton Weiser (13-8, 3.69) @ Mark Borello (3-4, 6.14)
Loss, 6-1
. Borello kept us cuffed and got the best among us to spill all their secrets over 8.2 innings of work… and Weiser obliged by being a shell of his usual self – his boat sprung leaks in the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th innings before our, formerly highly regarded manager, Ryan Rudnick thought to hook him from the game. Rake Lewis used his bat to combat the humidity and K’d twice for his efforts, we did nothing at the plate, less on defense, and we were rode hard and put away wet in this one. Houston’s C, Pablo Gamera, called a masterful game in this one – and, because I’ve been spending a bit of time looking at old Kaiju movies, I just wanted to call that out as much for the name as anything of merit he did on the field to deserve it.

Elsewhere: Given that an LAK loss wouldn’t be complete without a Phoenix win secured on the same day… the Suns defeated the San Francisco Seals by a score of 11-3, Jason Bland, their Center Fielder, went 3 for 3 with 2 dingers, 2 RBIs, 4 runs, and 2 walks for the Burnt Orange and Eggplant Purple. 1B Pablo Madera, now hitting .370 for the Carolina Panthers, went 5 for 5 against the Chicago Fire… Carolina won the game by a score of… wait, they lost – 11-10, Chicago. SP Cole English, so-so prospect plying his trade in Newport Beach (Vancouver’s AAA affiliate), delivered a complete-game, 6-hit, 10 K shutout for the Gypsies in their 4-0 win over the Columbus Bluejackets – the 83rd overall pick out of Purdue hasn’t so much as sniffed the Major League in 6 seasons with Vancouver. At one point, the former Boilermaker, was a prospect of some regard but his body ran out of reps earlier than most and, as a result, he’s spent as much time in rehab and hospital waiting rooms as he has on a baseball diamond. And, from the terrible news department, SP Paul Yeager was diagnosed with a torn UCL and will miss the remainder of the 2078 season as a result of a moped accident near Surfside Beach that involved the daughter of a local Oil Magnate and an Ice Cream truck. What a scene – a professional ballplayer, known as one of the good guys, the bikini-clad daughter of an Oil Man who is held in high regard by the local politicians, and 200 gallons of Cherry Jubilee… something tells me that Daddy’s fixer will keep this one from hitting the local rags… also, Ramsay Hudson, and not Rad Taylor, will be joining the Big Club as a result of Yeager’s attempt to impress a girl by breaking the sound barrier on a Vespa Motor Scooter. On this decision, Megan and I disagree – but, I gave her the keys to the castle… so, if she wants to leave the door ajar for the barbarians at the gate, who am I to argue?

Side Note: Rudnick told me that he’s inserting Brisky back into the rotation at the #5 spot… so, for every negative, you get equal and potentially NOT opposite “positive” – or, something like that… my college Physics course held open-book tests.

122 of 162: Jonny Garcia (7-6, 2.91) @ Gabe Uruburu (9-7, 3.89)
Loss, 5-2
. OH HONG, who, unlike his peers, is seemingly impervious to bad injury news, went 4 for 4 with a solo jack and provided what was our only legitimate highlight of the game… Rajkumar hit his 33rd double, we left him out there to wither away, Dom and his buttered up glove let another ball get by him, Jonny Garcia fell to 7-7 on the year, and, for the second time in as many days, we fell to a club that has no business handling us with such ease. This, as I’m sure you are well aware, is no way to begin a road trip.

Elsewhere: In an effort to add insult to injury, SP Luis Ruvalcaba, of the Bremerton Yardies, pitched a 1-hit, complete-game shutout against the Inglewood Sentinels and the club from Kitsap County walked us off in the bottom of the 10th when LF Rocky Speaker hit a run-scoring double off of CL Jimmy Stockman. For our efforts, or lack thereof, we’ve fallen all the way down to 8th on the weekly power rankings, are still three games off of the pace that Phoenix is operating at and are 5-5 over our last 10 contests. For my part, I’ll fly out to Gwinnett to catch a Compton game before rejoining the big club day after tomorrow – we’ll have Rad Taylor on the mound, I still have some questions for Kirk Johnson, and I’d never miss an opportunity to meet my old friend, Ben Ryan, who manages the Stripers currently, for a bite at Graft where their seasonal Sea plate never disappoints.
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Old 11-24-2019, 02:57 PM   #443
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Becker's Books and butter-poached crab served on a kimchi pancake.

Oh, my.
Thanked this last post largely because of these two things. Becker's sounds like my kind of place and that meal has me salivating.

And as always, thanks for the sparkling prose and flavorful tidbits interspersed in your posts.
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Old 11-25-2019, 11:36 AM   #444
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2078 Season (8/22; 8/23 – 8/25)

After our latest defeat at the hands of the Houston Dynamo, and after being gutted by the news of Yeager’s season-ending injury, I skipped the flight to San Diego and instead headed to Atlanta to catch a quick game pitting our Compton Raiders against the Gwinnett Stripers. It was a good opportunity to check in on Ben Ryan, an old college buddy, and current manager of Carolina’s premier affiliate team, and to look in on Rad Taylor’s latest start – a real two-birds for a price that was ultimately paid by Phil Murray situation. My meeting with Ben was as brief as it was awkward – he had a proposition of sorts, one that involved part ownership in a Bush League club, shell companies, trusts, foundations, corporate investment entities, and offshore bank accounts. It seems that he and his partners had found a loophole that would allow me, and others like me, to own a Bush League club without any fear of being removed from organized baseball on charges of conflict of interest, money laundering (it would seem to me that buying a player’s contract from my own Bush League team using Phil Murray’s money is, if not a bootleg laundering scheme, at least a form of theft of the highest order), and racketeering. Look, Ben is a good guy, and I’ve always wanted to own my own Bush League club – but, his ploy, well, it just seemed way too risky. And, while I do consider myself something of a daredevil, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more risk-averse with each passing year – this all just seemed so vulgar. Until he told me that we could put the team in Tupelo, MS. I love Tupelo – who doesn’t love Tupelo? Ben has really given me something to think about here… of course, there was that one time in college when we… wait, I’ll save that one for another time, I want to make sure that I understand the statute of limitations first.

Compton Raiders (64-56, .533, 1st DL West) @ Gwinnett Stripers (58-62, .483, 4th DL East)
In Aris Anaconda, Kirk Johnson, and Rad Taylor we have three guys languishing in Compton, who, according to Zahur and his crackerjack staff of talent evaluators, are, possibly, ready for the jump to primetime. But, given that none of these guys look to be significant difference makers (read: solid filler material with a possibility of a breakout performance here and there), it’s been difficult to find a spot on the big club’s roster for any of them given the positional depth and overall make-up of our Kings roster. These three are good, solidly constructed puzzle pieces that could fit somewhere in the middle of our 1000pc 2078 World Series Championship jigsaw image, but, unfortunately for them, we’re looking for border pieces – and, well, they aren’t those. It’s just not in the cards for these guys, at least until the rosters expand, to become permanent Los Angeles fixtures donning the Purple & Gold yet – though, 2079 is yet to be written and, with patience, their time will come. Maybe. I don’t really know, it’s up to Megan.

121 of 144: Rad Taylor (11-6, 2.58) @ Karl Benjamin (1-3, 2.70)
Loss, 6-2
. Someone must’ve told Rad that I was in the building – the kid always succumbs to his fears and anxieties when he knows that the brass is in the house – here, in beautiful Gwinnett County, he’d give up the ghost to the tune of 4 runs in the bottom of the 1st and only manage to stay on the mound for a grand total of 5-innings. Anaconda finished 0 for 3 with 2 K’s, Kirk, who, apparently, has nerves of steel went 3 for 5 with a run, and Rake Lewis, fresh off his 9-game stretch on the big club, went 0 for 4 and left 2 runners on. For my part, I left early – once the damage was good & done, I hurried to the airport to catch a flight to LA to make a stop back at the condo to pick up my favorite pair of shades before heading down to San Diego… Ben gave me a lot to think about, and, if I’m going to spend the next three days deep in thought then I may as well look cool doing it.

Elsewhere: My quick turn in Los Angeles, while brief, was interesting – on a number of levels. First, as I approached the door to my condo, the sounds of Frank Sinatra’s “Witchcraft” were reverberating throughout the hallway – bouncing its stereophonic black magic off the walls leading to my entrance… cause it’s witchcraft, that crazy witchcraft… Second, my door was unlocked and slightly ajar… And, third, there was a woman with long, flowing, campfire highlighted hair, wearing my Kimono, standing in front of my stovetop cooking what smelled like a ragu. Foggy.

“Hey, what are you doing in my house?”
A twirl, a look of surprise, and, then, a smile… “hey, Lefty, I didn’t think you’d be home – aren’t you supposed to be in San Diego?”
“You first, Foggy. Where have you been?”
“Here, there, everywhere – and some places that I’d rather not talk about.”
“Have you seen Otto?”
“Are you hungry, I have enough puttanesca for both of us.”
“Yeah. Otto… have you seen him?”
“I did, yes, in North Dakota – still malnourished, shifty-eyed… but he looks happy. Did you know he was into birding?”
“Do you know where he’s at?”
“Well, I seem to remember him saying something about Pichincha Province in Ecuador… something about an albino toucan? Not sure, it was all really hard to follow – very, um, stream of consciousness type stuff.”
“Right. What brings you back, Ms. Finkelstein?”
“I don’t know… rest, relaxation, maybe I’ll get a bit of sun… Yan is getting my travel arrangements sorted soon – I have some business in East Brunswick, NJ to take care of – it seems that you’ve, somehow, found yourself embroiled in a multi-tiered Ponzi scheme involving Tupperware and the American Yakuza, or, so I’ve been told…” then, a look upwards and to the right, as if in deep thought, followed by a slight twirl, a leftward pop of the hips before her hands could find purchase at each side of her waist… “then, an all-expense paid, 3-plus week vacation… obviously. I’m thinking Fiji, Lefty.”
“What?”
“I’ll flip you for the bed, the couch always gives me neck pain”
“What?”
“I’ll flip you for it”
“It’s my bed!”
“Heads!”

Also, elsewhere: Palmer Parker, that stalwart of pitch-perfect batting precision, went 2 for 2 with 2 dingers, 5 RBIs, 2 runs, and 2 walks in Philadelphia’s unfortunate 6-5 loss at home against the 70-win Brooklyn Citizens. Palmer, who did his damage in the bottoms of the 1st and 3rd innings, would seem to be the only 76er who actually knew they had a professional baseball game to play. Left fielder, Isidro Lutz, 12-year vet, 5-time all-star, and 2072 Boyce Rigg recipient who had spent 11 of those 12 seasons in Jacksonville before joining the Los Angeles Galaxy, hit his 2000th career hit against the Vancouver Giants. The superbly mustached and supremely talented crusty old vet has cemented himself in the record books and has achieved a small measure of baseball immortality. Lutz is legend.

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(8/23 – 8/25) Los Angeles Kings (69-53, .566, 2nd NL West) @ San Diego Chargers (44-80, .355, 6th NL West)
After taking a mid-morning hop from Los Angeles to San Diego, and with severe neck cramps, I arrived at the ballpark just as the players were beginning their warmups. So, outside of knowing that the Chargers find themselves an insurmountable 29 ½ games back in the NL West, my knowledge of the current goings-on in San Diego is limited. So, instead of regaling you with my thoughts on statistics and my musings on why the San Diego Chargers are such a poor club – I’ll focus my attention on Michael Brisk. See, Brisky, after languishing in the bullpen for a good stretch, was supposed to get the start tonight… but, well, we can’t find him. This, really, comes as no surprise – it’s not the first time Brisky has gone too hard in San Diego the night before a start. There is something about this town that turns him into a wild man – an uncontrollable wild man who, caught up in the sights & sounds of San Diego, becomes an erstwhile ballplayer turned beach bum/pirate who bides his time by flirting with the locals and drinking way too much rum. Our ABP then will include some combination of the following: looking for information on the whereabouts of a drastically overpaid professional athlete who thinks he is Magnum PI reincarnated and who may, or may not, be wearing an eyepatch – and, if you are a young(ish) and impressionable beach bunny he should be considered armed and amorous and is to be avoided at all costs. Reward… free admission to a baseball game of your choice and all the free hotdogs you can eat.

123 of 162: Aiden Jensen (10-9, 3.72) @ George Giess (4-10, 5.58)
Loss, 3-2
. Aiden gave up 3 runs in 6 innings of work – he struck three guys out but walked four… his control was fleeting – and Dontrell Gay went 2 for 4 with a solo HR in the losing effort. We attempted to rally – all of our scorings came in the top of the 8th & 9th innings, but, it was too little, too late… Ethan went 0 for 3 in his return to the lineup, Rajkumar scored, Mullens lifted a bag, and RP Roldan Freitas committed his first major league error – I’m glad the kid got that out of the way.

Elsewhere: Our newly moved & renamed AA club, the Inglewood Sentinels, lost their first-ever game in their hometown park by a score of 7-3 to the Gilbert Geckos. Needless to say if you’d given me a flipchart and a sharpie this is not how I’d have drawn it up… Also, Yan Welli, who, in addition to being my assistant, is my confidant, jack-of-all-trades fixer, and occupational therapist, has located Brisky… he was found sleeping near the dumpster in the back alley behind a bar called the Duck Dive. He was, understandably, confused and dehydrated, but, when asked how his curve was replied, “magical”. He, against our better judgment, will get the start tonight…

124 of 162: Michael Brisk (6-6, 3.81) @ Brody John (8-9, 3.21)
Win, 7-0
. Like some scene out of a baseball-themed version of Weekend at Bernie’s, Brisky, at nowhere near full capacity, gave us 8 innings of 2-hit, 0 earned baseball while striking out 6 and walking 3… where have you been, sir? We’ve missed you. Rajkumar went 4 for 5 with a double, an RBI and 3 runs, and OH HONG finished 3 for 4 with a 2-run homer. It was a good day for the good guys – Mullens scored, we got three double plays, and Barbaccia, in a non-save situation, was able to get some work out of the pen. Brisky, despite his ballyhoo, is, as it turned out, worth every single penny.

Elsewhere: Houston Dynamo left fielder Kyle Weaver went Gonzo today against the Phoenix Suns… your boy went 6 for 6 with a double, 3 ribbies, and a run in the Dynamo’s SEVENTEEN to THREE win over the Phoenix Suns. The San Antonio born and bred, former Cowboy of Wyoming, is having his poorest year at the plate in 2078 (that’s what happens when you have no protection in the lineup) but looks to be righting the ship after this performance.

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125 of 162: Trevor Dotson (8-9, 4.51) @ Artyom Fadeyev (6-13, 4.69)
Win, 9-0
. Trevor took a page out of Brisky’s book (without the all-night bender and subsequent search party), and gave us a complete-game, 6-hit shutout to lead us to our 2nd straight victory in a row… Rajkumar, still hot, went 3 for 4 with a double, an RBI, 2 runs, and a walk, and Lloyd Daniels hit 2 two-baggers and drove two home. Mullens finished 1 for 6, he’s slowly working his way back into it, Dick went 2 for 5 with an RBI and 2 runs, and OH HONG, now hitting .293, went 1 for 3 and scored. In 23 starts, Dotson has given us 146.2 innings of work and has now improved his record to 9-9 on the year.

Elsewhere: Ex, do-nothing Laker, Arnold Webster, was at it again tonight – he went 3 for 4 with 2 jacks, 3 riblets, and 2 runs in the Vancouver Giants unfortunate 8-7 loss against the Los Angeles Galaxy. And, up next for us – we’ll head north to Minneapolis to do battle against Shawna’s North Stars and will look to have a good showing against their club to see about making up some more ground on the Phoenix Suns, who are now sitting at 2 ½ games up despite their lackluster showing against the Dynamo…
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Old 11-25-2019, 09:29 PM   #445
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2078 Season (8/26 – 8/28)

Los Angeles Kings (71-54, .568, 2nd AL West) @ Minnesota North Stars (62-65, .488, 3rd NL West)
The North Stars haven’t changed much since our last meeting, clubs, at this stage of the game rarely do. They are basically the Baseball Club equivalent of a teeter-totter with their high-achieving offense held suspended in the air by a pitching staff whose ineptitude is so heavy that the back and forth between offense and defense that is a requirement of good baseball is impossible. If weight * distance = weight * distance, the North Stars will need their pitching staff to scoot themselves as close to the middle as possible to balance this thing out – problem is, they have neither the talent or wherewithal to make that happen and instead will remain in a state of suspended animation until they are summarily dismissed from playoff contention and then left to their own devices to try this thing over again, one more time. Given their current state and our 12-3 record in head-to-head matchups this season, now is as good a time as any to make our move… of course, as I’ve said many times – these things are easier said than done, and, when you have a club like mine, whose focus I’ve called into question repeatedly, that simply can’t be bothered to apply anything beyond the minimum amount of focus required to win a ballgame, teams like the North Stars have a tendency to see us coming and, as such, stand at the ready with a sucker punch locked and loaded.

126 of 162: Newton Weiser (13-9, 3.83) @ Dejuan Burns (12-10, 4.84)
Win, 2-1
. They played us tight, but, in the end, Newton was good for it and gave us 8 innings of 3-hit ball where he only allowed 1 runner to make it home and K’d 7. Lloyd Daniels brought in what would become the game-winner, Barbaccia got his 36th save on 16 total pitches, Ray Martin earned his 3rd RBI, and Ethan hit a double and swiped a bag. In all, outside of a fine performance from Weiser, the club was listless and stuck in that all too familiar mode where they simply try to get by on their looks alone. Sometimes you get away with it – and we won’t ever let our pride get in the way of a win – but, you can’t count on getting over on clubs consistently without putting your best foot forward.

Elsewhere… an email from Yan:

Quote:
Lefty,

RE: disentanglement from our Tupperware involvement.

Through a series of shell companies and offshore bank accounts, we will distance you from your involvement with that Tupperware scheme... that money and all subsequent earnings will be funneled into the account you will use for your new Bush League club after being moved through a series of legitimate businesses... I’ve looked over the proposal and believe that our exposure here is minimal, I have a team of operatives in our marketing team drawing up some initial concepts for the Tupelo based franchise. And, after some negotiation, and given her prompt completion of the Tupperware case, I have approved a 2-week, all-expense-paid trip to Rangiroa for Ms. Finkelstein. It was cheaper than her first choice.

P.S. I’ve had the locks to your condo changed and will have the key waiting for you at our corporate office. Or the key to the key, as it were. After a battery of tests to prove that you are who you say you are, you’ll receive the combination to a small red safe I’ve left on your desk. Once inside, you are to remove the safety deposit box key, and head to the Bank of America on Wilshire BLVD. Inside the safety deposit box, you will find a set of keys to a brand new Ducati Streetfighter V4 S, wrapped in a custom-designed light pink and powder blue cheetah motif, that you can locate on the 3rd floor of the banks parking garage. Get on the bike and head to Grauman's Chinese Theatre. You’ll attend the unveiling of John P Stamos III’s Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and, after the ceremony is complete, will receive the key to your Condo which will be hand-delivered by John’s wife, the esteemed Patrice Theron. Please resist the urge to look anywhere other than her eyes - Stamos can be a bit of a loose cannon and you’re not as tough as you think you are.

P.S.S. We seem to have misplaced your spare key. It is my belief that Foggy has it, but we’ll have to cross that bridge when we get to it. It should also be noted that I’ve taken the initiative to replace your couch with a pull-out sectional should the situation arise where it’s function will be critical to getting a good night’s sleep.

Be well,
YW
127 of 162: Jonny Garcia (7-7, 3.32) @ Octavio Cervera (6-14, 5.89)
Loss, 5-0
. Octavio, in all his glory, managed to throw a complete game shutout against us in this one – we got 5 hits off the guy and only struck out 4 times – but, he didn’t have any free passes to hand out and kept us away from 4th base for the entire show. Dontrell hit a double, his 14th, and we got a nice Gat-McTaggart-Hong double play… outside of that, however, we didn’t really bring much to the table in this one. It’s like I’ve said – you can only get away with anything less than maximum effort for so long before a club that has no business in the ring with you lands that walk-off KO punch. I expect that our medical suspension after this brute force knockout will be no shorter than 45-days.

Elsewhere: Kyle Weaver is on a roll – he charged a 5-hit game, his second in three tries, onto the San Francisco Seals account and did it all on singles… without a single RBI, and he didn’t even score, and his club, the Houston Dynamo, got crushed by a score of 14-5… but, still, 5 for 5, in any league, is still one heck of a game. SP Rad Taylor, without me in the building to psyche him out, went 8 strong innings with 9 K’s and 3 ER’s but failed to pick up the win because his teammates, too busy thinking about themselves, did nothing to back the young man up… well, except for SS Paio Olivo, our 2073 international signee out of Venezuela, who went 2 for 6 with a dinger, 3 ribbies, and a run. Compton lost to Cincinnati by a score of 6-5… oh, and Kirk Johnson went 1 for 7 with 5 Ks – if Megan doesn’t dump the kid after this ghastly performance then I better start looking for a tuxedo to wear at the wedding.

128 of 162: Aiden Jensen (10-10, 3.740 @ Matt Olston (10-11, 6.30)
Win, 9-8
. Jensen got the win, despite giving up 4 runs in the first two innings and walking 4 batters, Dom went 3 for 5 with a double, a homer, 2 RBIs, and 3 runs – heck, I almost forgot that we even let that guy hit – and, Barbaccia secures his 37th Save despite giving up one of the fours runs we leaked in the bottom of the 9th. Steals for Dick (22) and Ethan (40), OF assist for Rajkumar (gunned Hunfredo Tavares down at 3rd), and OH HONG went 2 for 5 with a 2-run homer and a run. I feel like this series win has good luck written all over it – we got this thing done by the skin of our teeth folks.

Elsewhere: The Newport Beach Gypsies started a kid named Pappy Kincaid against our CITY OF COMPTON club tonight – he put 7.1 innings of solid work around our necks as we lost it in extras on a Kozue Itagaki walk-off HR. Pappy was Vancouver’s pick, 130th overall, in the 2076 draft, out of PCU, and the former Whooping Crane has struggled as a pro so far in his young career amassing a hefty 4.26 ERA in 10 starts. For our effort, or lack of them really, we still find ourselves a full 2 ½ games off of Phoenix’s pace but are currently boarding a plane to meet them in the desert for a winner takes all slugfest the likes of which we’ve not seen in this league ever before… okay, that’s going to be my bad, I’ve oversold it and may have promised too much. Let’s just say that we are heading to Phoenix to close out August with an important, but not deal-breaking, 3-game set where we will have an opportunity to mirror their stride, put a little more mustard on our gait, and, with any luck, make up some ground on these guys.

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Old 11-26-2019, 10:19 AM   #446
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2078 Season (8/29 – 8/31)

Los Angeles Kings (73-55, .570, 2nd NL West) @ Phoenix Suns (77-54, .588, 1st NL West)
After our trip to Phoenix, we’ll only have three more road trips before closing out the 2078 campaign – which means that we have a lot of home cooking in our future… so, as we enter this critical series against the Suns, it’s important to note that these three games, while important in terms of long term confidence, will not be the end of the story one way or the other. We are destined, it’s been preordained, to meet Phoenix in the Playoffs… and, at 7-7 H2H so far this year, winning the season series would go a long way towards instilling the confidence that we can, and will, beat these guys in a playoff series. Of course, as always, current form always plays a role in the outcome of a series – and ours gives me pause. We’re beat up with our best player (Otto) and our best pitcher (Yeager) out for the rest of the season, downtrodden, and really are just a shell of our former selves – playing like an aging rock n’ roll band that is back out on the road for a nostalgia tour, once more into the money printing machine dear friends, coming soon to a casino near you. And, Phoenix is not without their own injury woes as well – Patrick Keith is out again and Ray Gerhold is listed as DtD and will likely maintain that designation for a few more weeks… his strained hammy has lingered it seems – but, and here the difference is key, they are so stacked, offensively, that they are still performing at a clip that fits a club with the #1 ranked offense in the National League. Only the Golden State Warriors possess a better rDiff (213 to 131) and no club is better at home – Phoenix is formidable, the real deal, and this very well could be their year… unless it isn’t, unless we rise to the occasion and, eventually, bounce them from the playoffs on our quest for glory. That any such quest would likely end on the wrong side of a World Series against the smash-mouth Warriors is unfortunate, sure, but for now, we march forward with the steadfast belief that a three-peat isn’t just a possibility, nay, it’s our destiny.

Side note: I have a 10 AM tee time set at Papago with Duke Condon, team trainer for the Phoenix Suns, an old friend, and the one holdover from my tenure in the desert. The guy is unflappable – he never mixes business with pleasure – but, I believe that I have an Ace up my sleeve, and with that Ace, I think I can get the ol’ boy to give me the inside scoop on Gerhold’s bum hammy. The Ace? Ms. Finkelstein will be joining us, just prior to her two-week, all-expense-paid vacation to swing the sticks, bag some rays, and to trick Duke into spilling the beans. My plan is foolproof. You know I’m a schemer, but my heart’s of gold…

129 of 162: Michael Brisk (7-6, 3.56) @ Crusher Melendez (11-7, 4.32)
Loss, 14-12
. It was not a good day to be a pitcher, especially if you were employed by the Los Angeles Kings and found yourself alone out there on the mound at any time during the bottom of the 8th when Phoenix suddenly came alive and charged TEN GD RUNS TO OUR ACCOUNT. Brisky, who we couldn’t find until 30 minutes before the game (we found him in one of the back offices with a local TV news personality – what was the ABC affiliates Meteorologist doing at a baseball game anyway?), gave us 5.1 innings and, after gassing quicker than normal, gave up 2 homers and 4 earned before handing it off to the pen. OH HONG went 3 for 5 with 2 homers, 5 RBI, and 2 runs, and Dontrell went 3 for 4 with a GRAND SLAM in the top of the 7th but… it was all for nothing as the Suns rose from the ash like a, er, um, Phoenix and burnt us to a crisp during that absolute bloodbath of an 8th inning. Mullens got caught with his hand in the honey pot for the 12th time this year as well, so… I don’t know, this one stings a bit.

130 of 162: Trevor Dotson (9-9, 4.23) @ Jack Sanchez-Flores (3.88)
Loss, 8-5
. Tony Voorhis gave us the business in this one – 2 for 4, 2 jacks, 4 ribbies, and 2 runs for the former Laker, who, like any self-respecting scorned former lover, exacted his revenge with maniacal glee and ruthless precision. Things looked pretty good for us early, we came out gangbusters – put 4 runs on the board in the top of the 1st, but it was another 1-inning outburst from the suns that did us in – like a solar flare bent on sending us all back to the stone age – where they tuned us up and put 6 runs on Dotson before our manager, whose grip on the reality of the situation is questionable, finally brought out the hook. So, yeah, I’m ready to go back to LA now… might call my mom in a bit, too.

Elsewhere: Lloyd Wilkins, the #4 starter for your CITY OF COMPTON Raiders, pitched a complete game, 7-hit shutout against Newport Beach – he also registered 5 K’s with not a single free pass handed out during the game, and, Kirk Johnson, seems to be slowly working his way out of Megan’s doghouse with a 1 for 3 day that included a 2-run homer and a walk…

131 of 162: Newton Weiser (14-9, 3.71) @ Jake Talley (16-7, 2.59)
Win, 9-5
. Well, what a way to make a livin’, am I right? Coincidentally, or not, I played the Dumplin’ soundtrack in the clubhouse prior to the game – that we only made it through “Here I Am” before I had a full-scale, player-led revolt on my hands is of no importance – it was with the power of Dolly that we escaped this series with some of our pride intact and avoided a sweep at the hands of the club I’ve come to hate the most (with Green Bay being a close second – but you know that already)… Weiser held it down for 6.2 innings even if he let five find their way in from the cold, Barbaccia secured his 38th save on ONE PITCH, and OH HONG hit a SAC FLY. Outside of Nolan Steffan’s three RBIs and backup Catcher Sueki Kojima’s 2-run moonshot, this was a real down-and-out, hard-scrabble, workmanlike effort from the Purple and Gold. Sometimes, despite hailing from the land of milk and honey, where Tinseltown’s myth casts its lonely shadow over the City of Angels, you just have to pack your lunch, put on your hard hat, and do the little things required to get the job done.

Elsewhere: 1B Mateo Cruz, a current member of the Nolanville ‘Nauts and former flunky from the San Francisco based Seals, went 2 for 3 with 2 homers. 4 RBIs and 2 runs in his clubs 4-3 win over the Dearborn Dilly’s. Nolanville, who is currently sitting in 5th place in the Bush League Independence Division, is most likely going to find themselves on the outside looking in when the playoffs finally arrive, but, until then – they can rest their hopes on performances like this one… I mean, they haven’t been mathematically eliminated so, if they can harness their mana they may be able to conjure up the type of witchcraft math required to pull a rabbit out of the hat and sneak into the dance. An unlikely scenario, sure, but not completely out of the question – heck, it’s the Bush League… anything can, and often does, happen in Bush ball…

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Roster Expansion: We’ve called up the following notable players…
SP Rad Taylor
LF Bakari Konate
CF Rake Lewis
2B Mario Marshburn

No sign of Kirk Johnson though… so, he’s either still in Megan’s doghouse or she’s concerned that someone will call her out for favoritism. Or, and this is maybe the likeliest of scenarios, it could be that the kid just isn’t good enough.
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Last edited by pauwoo; 11-26-2019 at 12:47 PM.
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Old 11-26-2019, 12:24 PM   #447
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2078 Season (9/1 – 9/4)

Philadelphia 76ers (58-75, .436, 5th NL East) @ Los Angeles Kings (74-57, 2nd NL West)
Sometimes, after a long and largely unsuccessful road trip, it’s good to head home – back amongst the things you’ve collected over the years in the only place that you can truly call your own. To step out of that ill-fitting suit that is the standard issued attire of a travelling salesman who, instead of opening his trench coat to reveal a loose collection of bootleg Rolex watches, peddles a child’s game as something of extreme civic importance in an attempt to trick the public into buying cheaply made hotdogs and overpriced beer. That we are scheduled to face the Philadelphia 76ers upon our return, a club whose compass was demagnetized sometime in 2077 and continues to confuse their front office by pointing in whatever direction it chooses as long as it’s not true north, is of no real consolation – they have the talent to embarrass anyone even if they aren’t stocked with enough of it to do that on a regular basis, and, we, given our poor form are perfectly suited to play the sucker in the long con of a baseball season. Palmer Parker, P-Squared, whose recent hip hop album was met with the opposite of rave reviews (derision, distaste, etc), has acquitted himself nicely on the field of play (and, has also had the presence of mind to dump his previous management team in an attempt to rebuild his public persona) and is hitting .354-17-73 so far in 2078, which, should be good for a few Boyce Rigg votes. It goes downhill fast from there, however, as their pitching staff has adopted the habit of serving up more meatballs than an Italian deli to opposing offenses. It’s been said that all cheesesteaks are not created equal and, when you compare this club to the one they fielded during the Tricentennial campaign, one can easily discern the difference of authenticity and some haphazardly constructed sandwich that is heavy on the Velveeta and light on the brotherly love.

132 of 162: Leonard Baker (0-2, 6.20) @ Jonny Garcia (7-8, 3.57)
Win, 8-2
. Jonny delivered a 2-run, complete game and helped ensure that our bullpen got some much-needed rest after Phoenix put them through their paces, and Dick McTaggart went 2 for 4 with a HR, 2 RBIs, and a run. Palmer Parker was a non-factor (0 for 4), Ethan hit his 13th bomb, Rajkumar put his 36th double on the board, and Dom ran his RBI total up to 44 after driving 3 runs in. Our return to the friendly confines of the Los Angeles Municipal Stadium was a success – two wins in a row under the balmy 77-degrees and 9 MPH ocean breeze.

Elsewhere: Tom Franzone, the Strangeverse’s record books worst enemy, hit HRs # 47 & 48 in Pittsburgh’s 4-2 win over the St. Louis Rams. He’s now ranked 4th all-time on the single-season HR table and is only 4 jacks away from claiming the top spot… with a bit over 1-month left in the season. When he is done, and his playing days are behind him, I expect that the citizenry of Pittsburgh will demand that the team construct a Rocky-Esque statue in his honor and prominently display it at the entrance to their ballpark… Hee-Seong Lee, of the San Jose Sharks (an Oakland Warriors affiliate), pitched 10.1 innings and allowed the only run that mattered in a 1-0 loss at the hands of the Nashville Picks – Pitching Coach, Jeff Mouton, who should probably get fired, is said to have fallen asleep during the game. I’m going to have to keep my eyes on Lee – he’s got the look of a soon-to-be Mississippi Hound Dog if I ever manage to get my Bush League club stood up…

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133 of 162: PJ Street (6-7, 3.32) @ Aiden Jensen (11-10, 3.79)
Win, 7-3
. Mullens ran things for us in this one – 2 for 4, 2 jacks, 4 RBI, 3 runs, and a walk – and Aiden Jensen kept the bullpen on ice for the entirety of his CG, 7-hit, 3-run performance. P-Squared wasn’t completely ineffectual – he went 2 for 3 with a run – but it was our 2 doubles (Dom & Nolan), 2 HRs (Ethan & Ethan), yo-yo double play, and 2 outfield assists (Ethan & Rajkumar) that would rule the day. And just like that we’ve strung a 3-game winning streak together, have left all our recent transgressions in the past, and have been absolved of all our sins.

Elsewhere: The Dallas Cowboys have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs and are officially the first casualty of the 2078 season.

134 of 162: Vin Uhlman (8-14, 4.88) @ Michael Brisk (7-6, 3.69)
Loss, 4-2
. When he’s not busying himself by avoiding calls from the Phoenix areas best-known meteorologist, April DeMartino, Brisky spends his evenings giving up 3 runs over 7.1 innings of work and losing ball games. Norris Flaherty came out from under Palmer’s shadow and went 3 for 5 with 2 HRs (one courtesy of Brisky, the other Barbaccia), and 3 RBIs – while our team didn’t really bring much of note to the table outside of a couple of 2-baggers (Rake & Dontrell) and a stolen bag (Dick). I’m not 100% on this – but, since we rewarded your boy Brisky with a puffed-up contract, he seems to have become more aloof in the clubhouse… this sort of behavior doesn’t necessarily inspire greatness out of your peers. Also, it’d help if he threw the ball better too.

Elsewhere: The San Diego Chargers have joined the Dallas Cowboys on the island of misfit toys who just weren’t built well enough to sustain the interest of the baseball gods. They can now busy themselves with determining offseason vacation plans given that they don’t have to worry about buying a corsage for the dance.

135 of 162: Grimm McGowan (9-5, 3.18) @ Trevor Dotson (9-10, 4.51)
Loss, 2-1
. Grimm dealt some grizzly blows in an 8.1 inning, 2-hit, 1-run performance, and Dotson, who was bringing his A-game as well, left after 4 innings of 1-run ball due to an undisclosed injury. Diagnosis, as always, is pending… As a team, we didn’t do much – Grimm was masterful in both control and pitch selection and managed to keep our guys off-balance all night. And, just like that, our 3-game winning streak becomes a 2-game losing streak and any good vibes we were feeling have been boxed out like they were Anthony Mason in a Knicks uniform.

Elsewhere: We’re 5 games off the pace now – so that’s cool – and Phoenix is 8-2 over their last 10 games… just laying waste to any club that comes into their path. We’ll welcome Orlando City to town next, who, if their record is to be believed should offer very little in the way of resistance. Not that it matters, we’re very, very beatable right now, so they might as well continue what Philly started.
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Old 11-26-2019, 03:52 PM   #448
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2078 Season (9/5 – 9/7)

Orlando City (58-78, .426, 6th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (76-59, .563, 2nd NL West)
As a Los Angeles based club, and regardless of how good you are, attendance is always an issue – and, when you mix poor form with a visiting club whose own form tops out at dreadful you need a hook. A promotion – something to get the fans off their couch and down to the park. After an August that saw us go 13-14 and mired in a 2-2 start to September, we recognize the need to turn our attention to the business of baseball. After winning two straight World Series titles we raised our average ticket price by 5.6%... at the time it seemed like a reasonable request of our fans – they should be more than willing to spend a few extra of their hard-earned bucks to see the greatest show on earth. Turns out, that our crackerjack marketing department, like so many other marketing departments, was wrong as evidenced by the 5.6% drop in attendance, 4% drop in season ticket sales, and 2% decline in revenue. So, as my assistant, Yan likes to say, if you give them a free manicure, they will come… or something like that, I’m not really sure – I was only half listening and she was talking to someone on the phone when she said it. So, my whip-smart marketing crew, who ignored my idea to offer free Los Angles Kings halter-tops to the first 15-thousand female fans, will offer the following promotions over the next 3 nights:

  • 9/5/2078: Team-Logo Tighty Whities will be given out to the first 25K fans.
  • 9/6/2018: Free Feed Me Otto Bobblehead dolls to the first 10K fans. This one is kind of neat, if you lift up the head you can fill the doll with water to reveal a physique more in line with that of an actual baseball player.
  • 9/7/2048: Free Wasabi Pea snack-packs to the first 20K fans. I mean, besides heartburn, what could go wrong with this one?


So, if you are willing to shuffle on down to the ballpark to see our suspect ballclub take on one of the worst teams in baseball then you are in for a treat! Free swag, poorly played baseball, and overpriced beer – what else could you want?

136 of 162: Mirko Samsonenko (5-8, 5.76) @ Newton Weiser (15-9, 3.82)
Win, 8-4
. Let it be known that Newton Weiser is a boxer-brief man – but, that didn’t stop him from putting in 7 solid innings of work with 8 K’s and 4 runs earned in this one, Dick McTaggart went 3 for 4 with a double and an RBI, and the sight of 25K screaming fans losing their minds in unison while wearing their brand new team-themed tighty whitey’s on their head like skull caps when OH HONG hit the 2-run homer in the bottom of the 8th that would put us up for good, will go down in the annuals of LA Kings folklore after this one…. It’s a sight that you just can’t un-see and, well, why would you want to? Barbaccia secured his 39th save of the season as tighty whiteys rained down from the cheap seats, we hit a team cycle (Rajkumar & Dick with the two-bagger, Dom with the triplet, and OH HONG with the ding-dong), and Dom let another ball get past his leaky glove.

Elsewhere: Palmer Parker, after announcing that his next foray into the world of popular music would be a country album, went 4 for 6 with a double, a homer, 4 RBIs, and 3 runs in Philadelphia’s 13-5 win over the Minnesota North Stars… Hamza McDonnell went 4 for 5 with a two-bagger, a jack, 4 ribbies, and 2 runs in Toronto’s 17-1 dismantling of the Seattle Sounders… SS Ray Gerhold, of the universally despised Phoenix Suns, saw his 20-game hitting streak end against the Pittsburgh Steelers… the Suns won anyway, by a score of 4-1… SP Young-Wong Kang, our your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, picked up his 1st career victory in a 4-1 win over the Austin Grackles – Kang, who was recently signed by Megan, went 6.1 innings and struck out 7 for the game… I don’t really have high hopes for Kang, but, if for nothing else, the young Seoul-born Korean will be fun to have around if his reputation as the ‘life of the party’ holds water… I do love me some shenanigans.

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137 of 162: KJ Judd (3-8, 5.14) @ Jonny Garcia (8-8, 3.43)
Win, 1-0
. A complete game, 3-hit, shutout from Jonny and a bottom of the 4th solo-HR from Rajkumar was all we would need to bring this one home – a real snoozefest for our fans, many of whom busied themselves by filling out their Otto bobbleheads to a physique that reminded them of the good ol’ days before he went weird and got himself injured… Also, McTaggart stole a base, and a local sleep doctor, Dr. Benjamin Nottingburg, announced that he will use the video of this contest as a sleep aid for all of his future patients. After we’ve collected a nominal licensing fee, of course.

138 of 162: Cliff Slavinski (9-12, 3.11) @ Aiden Jensen (12-10, 3.76)
Loss, 5-2
. Aiden couldn’t quite navigate the 6th and gave up 5 earned for his efforts and Nolan Steffan went 3 for 3 with a run-scoring double in the losing effort – Rajkumar hit his 38th double, Ethan went 2 for 5 and scored, Dick McTaggart hit a SAC FLY, Mullens got caught with his hand in the honey pot for the 13th time this year, and the sight of 20K fans raining down wasabi peas to put action behind their displeasure (what is that? like 2,000,000 individual wasabi flavored peas?) is truly a sight to behold – like some kind of radioactive hail storm signifying the end of our reign as world series champions.

Elsewhere: Tom Franzone has hit his 50th HR and I don’t really want to talk about it… that it came against Phoenix is fun, but still… RF Neil Jahraus, of the New York Jets, went 4 for 5 with THREE HOMERS, 6 RBIs, and 3 runs in his clubs 13-3 win over the Portland Timbers… and SP Adam White, of the San Francisco Seals, completed the 2nd no-no in the Major Leagues in 2078… 9 IP, 0 H, 0 ER, 5 BB, 8 K, and the W… Seals won 1-0 over the Brooklyn Citizens… So, Mr. White can now add a place in the annuals of time with his name etched into it to go along with his $29.1M in career earnings – not bad, not bad at all… And, lastly, we are now 6 games behind the Suns in the NL West, and, despite our marketing teams best efforts, only averaged 33K fans per game for the set, which, after adjusting for day of the week, is about 10% below our normal gate – so, when you think about the price of the tchotchkes and the overtime we paid our custodial staff in clean up the whole thing was a bust.

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Old 11-27-2019, 10:42 AM   #449
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2078 Season (9/9 – 9/11)

Los Angeles Kings (78-60, .565, 2nd NL West) @ Montreal Wanderers (74-64, .536, 4th NL East)
We’ll hit the road for the first of our three remaining road trips – sort of, the next trip will feature two hops (LA > SF > HOU) and act as our last regular-season appearance in enemy territory – and its timing couldn’t be better. I’d much rather play 4 games in 3 days (starting with a doubleheader) than spend any more time answering questions about our recent ballpark promotions that failed so miserably and publicly - besides, Yan, my assistant, confidant, enforcer, and now press secretary can handle anything those news bozos can toss her way. So with that in the rearview, and with my lawyers busy crafting our defense against a collection of local, LA-based sushi restaurants who are pursuing a class-action lawsuit against the Los Angeles Baseball Club, LLC as a result of the wasabi pea incident, I can focus on the task at hand – the Montreal Wanderers. Listen, let’s not kid ourselves here – life is tough and can always get tougher – and, the Wanderers, while sitting on the outside looking in at 4th place in the NL East, is a good club whose path to the playoffs is still as clear as any of the top-tiered clubs as they are only 2 ½ games off of Brooklyn’s pace. You heard that right – the top four clubs in the NL East are only separated by 2 ½ games. Their offensive triumvirate of Austin Rollins (.252/16/69), Harlem Peterson (.292/17/78), and Mack Ramirez (.307/24/84) is starting to put things together, and their pitching staff, led by Nat Millard (13-10, 3.91) & Julen Morales (6-10, 4.05) is looking a lot better than their individual stats would suggest – particularly their bullpen where they lead the league in ERA. If we can navigate this trip without sustaining a mortal injury, stay vigilant in our quest for smoked meats that only originate from the east side of St. Laurent boulevard, and keep Brisky away from any of the conveniently located brewpubs then I’ll call this one a low-key success and move on to the next. If not? Same, without the calling it a success bit, and with some added stealthiness to avoid running into Phil Murray when we get back home to LA.

139 of 162: Nat Millard (13-10, 3.81) @ Michael Brisk (7-7, 3.69)
Note: This, our first game of the double-header, is a make-up game for a “home game” that the weather took away from us earlier this year.
Win, 4-1. Brisky looked really good in this one – the ‘stache was expertly trimmed, uniform pressed, and his command, especially of the knuckle-curve, was something to behold – he gave us 7 innings of lockdown baseball and K’d 5 Wanderers in this one and his catcher, Dom Cooke, went 3 for 4 with a double, an RBI and a run. Ethan brought two home for the game, we got a snazzy Gay-McTaggart-Hong double play and managed to get the victory despite leaving 10 runners stranded out there who spoke no French and, thus, couldn’t get directions back home. Great win – it’s nice to see Brisky bring his good stuff, and even better that we got his start out of the way first – now our team trainers can spend their time tending to our other players instead of trying to keep tabs on him out in town.

140 of 162: Riley Valentine (0-0, 1.77) @ Dylan Bauer (10-9, 3.99)
Win, 5-4
. Dontrell Gay’s solo HR in the top of the 10th (long day!) put us up for good in this one, Ethan & Dick hit doubles, Aron Stuyvesant hit a SAC BUNT, Rajkumar stole his 5th base, and Valentine, in his 1st ever major league start, went 6 innings, allowed 2 runs on 6 hits, and walked 4 and K’d 4… he also gave up a homer, but we don’t really need to talk about that. Side note: In some sort of statistical gymnastics that only he is capable of – Barbaccia managed to blow his save opportunity (7th BS on the year for him) and earn his 4th win (now 4-1 in 2078) on only 8 total pitches. He’s nothing if not efficient. Oh, and HONG got one of those elusive 1-man DP’s when he jumped up and snagged a line drive before beating Harlem back to 1st for the tastiest kind of double-play you’ll ever see. Just the sight of Harlem walking back to the dugout, dejected, embarrassed, and in front of his hometown fans is enough to keep my heart warm for the next few weeks. My cup runneth over…

141 of 162: Newton Weiser (16-9, 3.86) @ Julen Morales (6-10, 4.05)
Win, 3-0
. Not sure where this streak came from… whatever was once loss would seem to have been found. Newton, in tip-top form here, gave us a complete game, 3-hit, shutout, and Ethan Mullens drove in two and scored twice to help the cause. Dick went 3 for 4, OH HONG got a hit but also struck out twice (once looking), Nolan hit his 11th double, Ethan put his 16th ball out of the park and got it off former teammate Julen Morales, and we earned a sure-fire series win against a good club, in their park, and in front of 36-thousand fans who would rather not have seen that happen.

Elsewhere: Kirk Johnson, still licking his wounds and tending to his fragile ego after not making the cut for a roster expansion call-up, is starting to get himself back on track a bit it seems… he went 2 for 5 with a GRAND SLAM in the CITY OF COMPTON’s 12-10 home win over the Mexico City Diablos. I understand the kids' disappointment, I do – but let’s look at this thing realistically… the kid went undrafted out of Binghamton, found work with the Columbia Blowfish for the 2075 season, was released by that club, became a free agent, and, then, after meeting Megan Appel, was signed to the San Marcos Supremos before having his contract purchased by the ball club that has won the last 2 World Series titles. That is a pretty crazy trajectory if you ask me – and, while I do understand impatience – you have to strike while the iron is hot, after all – I think Mr. Johnson needs to sit back, relax, and really spend some time noodling on all the good fortune he has had lately… this kind of journey, while not exactly one-of-a-kind, is rare and should be savored.

142 of 162: Jonny Garcia (9-8, 3.15) @ Joseph Grace (9-8, 3.87)
Win, 6-1
. Life is suddenly grand… Yan called me to let me know that our intricate web of shell companies and offshore bank accounts is properly funneling my Tupperware earnings into an untraceable account I can use to stand up my Mississippi (Tupelo!) Hound Dogs BL franchise, Foggy is out of my hair for at least another week, Otto sent me a picture of an albino toucan that is, I must admit, pretty cool, and my baseball club is suddenly playing like a champion again. If you’re counting – that’s a real lemon to lemonade to Lynchburg lemonade situation. Jonny managed to make it through 5 innings, only allowing one runner to plate, Roldan Freitas picked up his 1st major league save in 3.2 innings of work, Gay swiped two bags and drove in three runs, Mullens scored twice, and OH HONG went 0 for 4 with 3 K’s… okay, so, it can’t always be wonderful news… but, we got the sweep, on the road and now find ourselves a scant three games off the pace. The LA Kings will not relinquish the crown without a fight, y’all.

Elsewhere: Kirk Johnson has now strung two great performances at the plate together… this one was a 3 for 4 performance with a two-bagger, a ding-dong, 5 ribbies, and a run. The CITY OF COMPTON defeated the Mexico City Diablos by a score of 10-3, I’ve been told that he and Megan are on the best of terms again, and, well, all is right with their world once more…
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Old 11-27-2019, 12:34 PM   #450
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2078 Season (The Legend of Burt McElheny)

Lost in the hullabaloo of Tom Franzone’s assault on the Strangeverse record books is the performance of 32-year old Burt McElheny, who, at 22 wins secured so far in 2078 is on pace to win 25 games which would put him at 2nd all-time for a single season. It should be noted here that, Josiah Weber, the GOAT, has only achieved 24 total wins in a single season – even if he has topped 20 wins 6 times – so, Burt, the free-spirited, San Bruno, CA born and bred, full-tilt boogie sparkplug, and three-time all-star has an opportunity here to get one over on the greatest of all-time and to acquit himself nicely given that, as the 5th overall pick in 2067, he’s only managed to top 15 total wins in a season twice.

This is as good an example of one of the types of joyous, unexpected, and thoroughly welcome surprises that only, at least to my knowledge, OOTP is capable of… here we have a Washington State alum, mustache-flexing, gold chain wearing, moped riding, forkball dealing legend of the diamond who always has a supermodel on each arm (okay, not really..) rewriting history one ballgame at a time… and, let’s be honest, he’s having a harder time holding those alligators down than Ric Flair did in his prime. So, join me if you will, in raising a pint of beer in one hand and your best plate of nachos supreme (we’re talking black olive, jalapeno rings, a delectable three-cheese blend, and an assortment of hot sauces that range on the Scoville scale from “mild” to “I might die”) in the other as we stand in a BRO SALUTE to Big Burt McElheny to honor his quest for immortality and to congratulate him on being cast as the lead in the upcoming Hollywood adaptation of the Istanbul Decision.

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Old 11-27-2019, 03:15 PM   #451
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2078 Season (9/12 – 9/14)

Minnesota North Stars (66-75, .468, 4th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (82-60, .577, 2nd NL West)
Upon our return to L.A. and fresh off our most successful series in recent memory, we’ll begin our steady diet of NL West opponents to close out the 2078 regular-season campaign starting with a set against the North Stars before quick jaunts to San Francisco & Houston. Things have really started to look up for our club – we’ve managed to navigate our injury woes with dignity and aplomb, are playing some really good baseball, and, as such, I find myself in the mood to celebrate… with a taco, as any card-carrying member of the Los Angelino Elite would, at Leo’s Tacos Truck on South La Brea where I will undoubtedly order a couple of carne cabeza tacos with a horchata fresca to wash it down. That we’ve managed to do more than just keep our head above water with Otto, Yeager, Dotson, and Kordell out is cause to celebrate – a legitimate cause to celebrate given that two of the four would have been considered the heart of our on-the-field operation before the rest of our club stepped up and performed so admirably in their absence. It’s hard to know if this version of my ball club is good enough to win it all, to dance amidst a steady stream of flowing Champaign and uncomfortable journalists who, in their alcohol-soaked pantsuits, are forced to attempt to do their jobs while a young(ish) group of grimy ballplayer’s dance around like youngsters in various states of undress. This time around, there are obstacles in our way, formidable obstacles, that won’t be easily dispatched by my rag-tag collection of highly paid, semi-professional ruffians… of course, before we concern ourselves too much with any of that, we’ll need to bring this thing home with one more tour of the NL West, starting with Shawna’s half-baked club for the last time in 2078.

143 of 162: Dejaun Burns (12-12, 4.86) @ Aiden Jensen (12-11, 3.86)
Win, 4-3
. Aiden gave us 8 innings, strikes out 9, and keeps us in it despite letting three find their way home and Dom went 4 for 4 with a double and 2 timely runs to contribute to the win. Barbaccia picked up his 41st save, SAC BUNT for Goodwin, SAC FLY for Gay, and just enough from everyone else to secure our 5th straight victory. LF Joseph Zody was injured by being hit by a pitch – the bench, however, did not clear and there would be no brawl as most of those in our clubhouse agreed that he had it coming to him for crowding the plate like a soccer mom waiting to cross the breach at Target on Black Friday, hell-bent on getting another toaster oven that is priced to move. There will be toast, friends, lots and lots of toast!

Elsewhere: Franzone hit his 51st against the Philadelphia 76ers and is now only one dinger away from putting his name at the top of the single-season record books alongside former Orlando-lifer, and Panamanian National, Gabriel Saravia, who, if the rumors are true will be attending every Pittsburgh game from here on out with a voodoo doll in one hand and a chicken’s foot in the other. RF Smokie Sanchez (how’d I not know about this guy?), of the Cincinnati Bengals, went 4 for 5 with a two-bagger, a homer, 3 RBIs, and 3 runs in his clubs 11-10 loss against the Austin Grackles. Never fear, Kings fans, he’s been shortlisted, Zahur is on the case, and a memo from the VP of Baseball Operations has been penned and sent to Ms. Megan Appel.

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144 of 162: Adrian Hollyfield (4-6, 5.46) @ Michael Brisk (7-7, 3.51)
Win, 5-4
. Brisky, who’s looked pretty good during his recent resurgence after a spell in the bullpen, gave us 8 innings of work, let four make it all the way around, and put 7 down, humanely, on strikes, Barbaccia picked up his 42nd, and OH HONG brought two runs in to score in a tilt that will go down as our 6th win in a row… Doubles for OH HONG, Ethan, and Lloyd, another SAC BUNT for Goodwin, Mullens added bag #43 to his collection, and Barbaccia participated in a nifty double play in the bottom of the 9th. We’re playing with some real verve now, can do no wrong, and seem to be putting it all together at the time in the season when you need to do that if you are to find any gold at the end of the rainbow.

Elsewhere: LF Tony Voorhis, looking sickly in the burnt orange and eggplant purple, went 3 for 3 with a double, 2 homers, 4 RBIs, and 3 runs in the Suns’ 8-3 win over the San Diego Chargers. With the victory, the Phoenix Suns, much to the dismay of anyone with any taste in ballclubs, have become the first Major League squad to secure a spot in the 2078 playoffs and continue to maintain a 2 ½ lead over us.

145 of 162: Octavio Cervera (7-16, 5.73) @ Riley Valentine (0-0, 2.05)
Win, 7-6
. Another sweep, our second straight, and the first that I can recall where we won each game by a single run… Valentine managed to last for 5 innings before handing it off to the pen where we got holds from Kordell, Moeller, and Hudson before Barbaccia came in to seal the deal for the 43rd time this season on 4 pitches to 3 batters. Dick McTaggart led the offense, went 2 for 4, drove a couple in, and found his way home once, Ethan hit a 3-run homer, Rajkumar secured his 60th RBI of the season and hit a SAC FLY, and, unfortunately, Kordell, in his first game back from injury, was reinjured and will now be out for a least a couple of weeks.

Elsewhere: Golden State punched their ticket to the dance, Orlando’s been left out in the cold… we remain 2 ½ games behind the Suns despite going 9-1 in our last ten, Tom Franzone, not content to only rewrite the HR record books is making a run at WAR too… he’s cracked the top ten in the single-season ranking… it’ll be tough for him to lift himself to the top of the heap before this thing is all said and done, but not impossible. For our part, our bags are packed, the plane is fueled up and ready to go, and we are all set to embark on our last regular-season road trip of the season… next stop: San Francisco, where the women all wear leggings, boots, and infinity scarves and where the fog is as pungent as it is foreboding. We’ve been on something of a run and are as tuned into the task at hand as can be when you are set to do battle with a solid ballclub, in their park, and against the marine layer that makes it difficult to lift balls out of the park.

Editors Note: I brine, therefore I am... the annual turkey, reflection, and candied yams inspired tomfoolery is in its earliest stages of preparation at mi casa... and, as such, before I put my favorite toy away for a bit - I'd like to wish you and yours a nice, relaxing, and politically-charged/alcohol-aided argument free holiday surrounded by all the people, things, and varieties of pie that you enjoy.
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Old 11-28-2019, 01:18 PM   #452
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2078 Season (9/15 – 9/21)

Ahh, who am I kidding... who am I to think that I can simply avoid, nay, deny the centripetal force of the Strangeverse... if only for a day. Look, let’s be real friends, I’ve been a model of modern-day thanksgiving prep efficiency... the bird is in the oven, the guests are on their way, and, while my wife readies herself for the festivities, who am I to deny myself one of life’s great privileges?

2078 Season (9/15 – 9/18)
Los Angeles Kings (85-60, .586, 2nd NL West) @ San Francisco Seals (69-77, .473, 3rd NL West)

The NL West houses 4 teams with less than 70 wins. To put that into perspective, that’s twice as many as any other division in the Majors. Ours is a quality problem that extends from the field of play into the front office – the NL West is filled with charlatans… executives, talent evaluators, and owners who, despite their specialization in the sale of wolf tickets, really have no business earning a living in professional baseball. These guys & gals can’t even tank right. Let’s take the Seals for instance – here you have a roster that is built purposely wonky where anything beyond a cursory evaluation would reveal a club that has a very tenuous grip on what having real, major league worthy, talent looks like. Sure, they’ve busied themselves, somewhat, with the task of bolstering their development system and that effort has not gone on in vain – they have amassed enough raw talent in their minor league system to earn the #8 ranking, but, and this is important, they’ve done nothing to suggest that they know how to develop that talent, or even more importantly, hold on to it. They have a history, a recent one at least, of being on the losing end of trades, and, over the last 4 seasons, as a result of their player exchange buffoonery, have barely even sniffed .500 baseball. With that being said, however, playing the Seals is no walk in the park, especially in San Francisco where they are, surprisingly, pretty good. But, if it is true that timing is everything then we look to be set up for success over the next 4 games, and, as the winner of 7 straight are visiting a club that has gone 4-10 so far in September, I expect our sublime run of tip-top play to continue.

146 of 162: Newton Weiser (17-9, 3.69) @ Landon Sampson (14-7, 2.45)
Win, 5-0
. Newton, in full command of his entire arsenal, gave us another complete game shutout and managed to strike 7 seals out for their failure to satisfactorily juggle for their adoring fans. Ethan scored twice and swiped two bags, we got doubles from Gay and Dom and did all of our damage late after San Francisco’s skipper removed Landon Sampson from the contest after 6 innings. Mario Marshburn, who got the start at SS today, played at that spot and 2B for a spell before injuring himself while running the base path – it didn’t appear to be too terribly serious, but you never know with these things, and the diagnosis, as always, is pending.

Notes: Mario will be out for a couple of weeks with knee tendinitis. He’s 26-years old. That’s too young to have dodgy knees. Also, we’ve secured our spot in the playoffs and still have a chance to wrestle the division out of Phoenix’s grasp.

147 of 162: Jonny Garcia (10-8, 3.08) @ Adam White (12-14, 4.44)
Loss, 6-1
. So, let me get this straight – we win 8 in a row, earn a bid in the 2078 playoffs, and, to celebrate, take our foot off of the gas in the very next game as if to breathe a sigh of relief, as if to say, “we’ve fooled you, we’ve fooled you all”. Jonny didn’t have it, whatever ‘it’ is… what he had was a lack of control, arguments over pitch selection with Dom, and a hanging curveball that led to a Seals home run in the bottom of the 1st. And, outside of Ethan hitting his 27th two-bagger (he also got caught with his hand in the honey pot and was chased off the field holding his pants in one hand and his shoes in the other) and a Joseph Zody homer, we had enough miscues to fill a lowlight reel. We’ll chalk this one up to celebrating too hard after receiving the news that we earned a playoff bid and will look for our trainers to get some fluid into our boys intravenously prior to our next game.

Elsewhere: Big Burt McEllheny secured his 23rd win of the season for the Vancouver Giants in a 3-2 win over the Golden State Warriors. Burt went 7.1 innings, gave up 6 hits and 2 earned runs, handed out a free pass to Livan Frias, and struck out 7. He now sits tied for 7th place on the single-season record book with 6 other pitchers, including, notably, Josiah Weber, who accomplished the feat during the 2070 season as a Pittsburgh Steeler. Barring any unforeseen shenanigans from Vancouver’s skipper, Burt should get his next crack at immortality on the 22nd at home against the Portland Timbers. In other news, the Phoenix Suns beat the Minnesota North Stars by a score of 21-3 today, and, in addition to padding their 2078 rDiff (now at a disgusting +159) have moved one step closer to securing the NL West title. Meanwhile, in the CITY OF COMPTON, the Raiders, after a spectacularly poor performance from Orlando Vasquez, lost their 2078 IL Playoffs Play-In game against the Gwinnett Stripers by a score of 7-1.

148 of 162: Aiden Jensen (13-11, 3.84) @ Jan Hernandez (10-16, 4.11)
Loss, 5-4
. Aiden was okay – when he left the game after the 8th we were locked in a taut, tight 4-4 contest with an opportunity to win. But, as is too often the case, Barbaccia, who can blow a good opportunity as well as anyone, gave up the ghost and, in the process, added his 2nd loss of the 2078 season to his permanent record. On a run-scoring single. Hit by a guy named Turner Williams, who shouldn’t even have a spot on a Major League roster. OH HONG, Daniels, and Bigham each K’d twice, Nolan hit into a double play, and we left 8 runners stranded as a team. It’s not that the wheels have come off, it’s that we’re driving our Shelby GT like it’s a lowered Dodge Neon with aftermarket ground FX and a Glasspack Muffler.

Elsewhere: Since blasting his 51st homer out of the park against the Philadelphia 76ers, Tom Franzone has played 5 straight games without a dinger. This is his second-longest stretch without a HR in 2078, with his longest coming in August and lasting for 9 straight games. He’s still trending to rewrite history, but, now with a predicted finish of 56 HRs is at least not expected to crack 60 jacks anymore.

149 of 162: Michael Brisk (8-7, 3.56) @ Gareth Bertrand (9-14, 5.11)
Win, 1-0
. Brisky, after drinking from the fountain of youth (or maybe he’s just got himself a bottle of that really, really good tequila), has looked like the stud we signed to a hefty, if unfortunate, contract – here, your boy, the most eligible of eligible bachelors, gave us a complete game, 4-hit shutout to secure the split in San Francisco… with the complete game part of that being the most critical piece of information because, as has been well documented, if you keep Barbaccia out of the game he can’t ruin things for you. Zody brought Steffan in for our only run on a SAC FLY… so, yeah, we played some really fan-friendly & compelling baseball in the Bay Area tonight. You’re welcome.

Elsewhere: Make that 7 homer free games in a row for Mr. Franzone… the OOTP Gods shine down upon thee to keep your record books safe from harm… Jo Jo Jackson, of the Dallas Cowboys, went 2 for 3 with 2 HRs and 5 RBIs in an 8-5 win over the Seattle Sounders – Jo Jo has now hit 34 bombs in 2078 and is tied for 2nd in the league in that category while leading in K’s by an insurmountable 50 fans… that’s something special, folks… a double-outlier, like a double rainbow, is, truly, a sight to behold – also notable, and I probably should have led with this, he won the player of the week award in the AL while Tony Voorhis, the one that we dumped by text message but can’t stop thinking about, also took home that same honor in the National League. He’s put together a pretty nice campaign this season - .315/34/119… so yeah, he’s been working out, is looking good, and has put himself back out there – which, if my calculations are correct, just means that we are one or two drunk texts away from winning him back…

2078 Season (9/19 – 9/21)
Los Angeles Kings (87-62, .584, 2nd NL West) @ Houston Dynamo (71-79, .473, 3rd NL West)

We’ll continue our limp to the finish in Houston – the location of our last road games of the season – and will look to stay healthy, pick up a win or two, and finish this thing off in semi-spectacular fashion. And, if we’re lucky, Houston skipper, Cooper Schoenrock, will do us a solid and put Rudolf the Ruiner on the mound in a couple of these games, late, and in high leverage situations where, as you well know, he habitually faulters. For our part, none of the guys really want to play these ones out – they want to shut it down, heal up, and ready themselves for a playoff series against the Phoenix Suns, who, coincidentally, we will welcome to LA for a 3-game set after navigating this stretch in H-Town. Of note… our Skipper, Ryan Rudnick, at the prodding of our illustrious marketing department, is giving Rad Taylor the start tonight against his half-brother Pete Taylor… Rad, born 270 days after Pete, and, approximately 309 miles away is, it seems, the product of a tale as old as time – a traveling salesman and part-time beat poet, on the road for long stretches of time gets lonely and takes on a mistress… look, the math is easy here, so I will leave the rest up to your imagination. Let’s just say, we expect some fireworks in game one – there’s an unhealthy bit of bad blood between these two.

150 of 162: Rad Taylor (0-0, 0.00) @ Pete Taylor (12-14, 4.57)
Win, 3-1
. Rad, trotted out to the mound by our overzealous marketing department’s unquenchable thirst for a salacious headline, acquitted himself, and his mom, quite nicely in this one – 7 innings of 5-hit baseball from our Spicoli reincarnate with just one earned run and 3 K’s – let’s not worry about those 5 free passes he handed out tonight, it runs in the family… Barbaccia picked up his 44th Save, Rudolf the Ruiner took the loss for Houston, and in the process helped Pete Taylor save some face… Dontrell Gay earned a 4-game suspension when he led our loose collection of ruffians into a donnybrook when Rudolf put one in on his hands in the top of the 7th after he hit a solo HR against Pete Taylor in the 4th and made a show of it as he ran the bases. I got to hand it to them, this one was fun and, despite the deep-seated familial pain we uprooted here, they were right – we’ll be on the cover of every sports page tomorrow.

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151 of 162: Riley Valentine (1-0, 2.59) @ Abe Meinecke (15-13, 4.37)
Win, 4-3
. Riley lasted 6 innings, gave up a couple, Barbaccia was sharp in picking up his 5th win, and Rajkumar made some noise in a 2 for 5, 2-double, 2 RBI performance that propelled up to the extra-inning win. Also, Nolan Steffan, the guy that Megan traded for much to my chagrin, picked up his 3000th career hit in this one… quite an accomplishment. Our Skipper played 19 position players in this one – if you were in the dugout for this game and didn’t hear your name called then my recommendation would be to take a good, long look in the mirror and reevaluate your life choices… stat.

152 of 162: Newton Weiser (18-9, 3.54) @ Mark Borello (5-6, 5.65)
Win, 4-3
. More late-game heroics from Rajkumar in a 4 for 5 performance that saw him hit 2 two-baggers, and score twice… Mullens hit his 19th jack, Newton gave up 3 runs over 7.1 innings of work, Barbaccia stayed sharp in his 45th save, and we got SAC FLY’s from Nolan “Mr. 3000” Steffan and OH HONG. And with that, we’ve secured another sweep on our last road trip of the 2078 campaign – ours is a blessed existence where everything is glitter, and rainbows, and unrequited love… until the day after tomorrow at least. Everything could come right back off the rails when Phoenix comes to town.

Elsewhere: With Tom Franzone in the midst of a 9-game HR free streak in Pittsburgh, we turn our attention now to Big Burt and his quest for pitching immortality… and, well, it was fun while it lasted as McElheny took the loss against the Portland Timbers largely due to the efforts of failed night club owner, former LA Laker, and one of my all-time favorites, PEPPER GRANT, who finished the game at 1 for 4 with a 2-run homer off of Burt and 2 runs. Given that the all-time record of 26 wins is in no danger of being eclipsed, we can now hope that Big Burt can manage to pass up Josiah Weber’s 24-win season in his two remaining starts.

Okay, for real this time... enjoy the time with your family and friends, folks!
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Old 11-29-2019, 11:17 AM   #453
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2078 Season (9/23 – 9/24)

Phoenix Suns (94-59, .614, 1st NL west) @ Los Angeles Kings (90-62, .592, 2nd NL West)
This one is, undoubtedly, and important set – it’ll draw a lot of ink from our local sportswriters, hell, it’ll draw a lot of ink from the national media too. They’ll position it as something of a preview of our upcoming series and heap undue importance on its outcome, top it off with philosophical platitudes that intend to reveal what the result will mean for each clubs confidence, and will sprinkle in an elephantine amount of superlatives to their prose to trick their readers into believing that the drivel they’ve produced is accurate & true – but, if you’re the morning paper type I’d caution you to take what they write with a grain of salt. At this point of the game, with our playoff spot secured, everything from here on until the dance is meaningless – like taking stock market advice from a young financial planner wearing a brand-new pantsuit with pumps that are scuffed on both sides. Always, always check her shoes. Phoenix is formidable, that much is not in dispute, but, at this stage of the campaign, and with Homer, Patrick Keith, Jason Bland, and SS Ray Gerhold all-out/DtD, my expectation is that the Suns will not be bringing all of the weapons to bear. They’ll play us straight up, employ no tricks, and, most assuredly, will not be tipping their hands when it comes to any strategic initiatives they plan to employ during the playoffs. So, this will be a tough series, sure, but let’s not kid ourselves here, it won’t be played at full throttle and, try as they may, any trends it produces will not hold once we get back to the games that mean something.

153 of 162: Teagan Rachel (8-6, 4.20) @ Jonny Garcia (10-9, 3.37)
Win, 2-1
. Jonny mixed his changeup in expertly over 8 innings, only allowed Phoenix to register 4 hits, and struck out 8 batters (including 1B Jacob Wells, who he K’d 3 times), Barbaccia secured his 46th save on 8 total pitches (he K’d one batter with 5 of those pitches…), and Dom went 2 for 3 with a double and a run… Rajkumar hit his 43rd double (he’s second in the league in that category), Eli Bigham hit a 2-out RBI, we got a SAC BUNT from Rake Lewis, a SAC FLY from Lloyd Daniels, and both Ethan & Julian Goodwin got drilled at the plate. I know that I went to great, unnecessary lengths to convey that this series, in the larger, cosmic scheme of things is, essentially, meaningless, but – I’ll be damned if this victory didn’t feel pretty darn good. Any day that you get a win against the burnt orange and eggplant purple is a good day – indicative of a day well spent.

154 of 162: Ferdie Acker (1-0, 3.27) @ Aiden Jensen (13-11, 3.87)
Loss, 9-4
. Aiden got shelled, sacrificed at the altar of the sun god by the sheer wanton vandalism of the Phoenix offense – that juggernaut of finely tuned destruction… yeah, he got his tiddy’s liddy here folks… SS Jess Alford went 2 for 5 and hit the 3-run double (you don’t see that every day) at the top of the 8th that did us in. We got a 2-run homer from OH HONG, a solo jack from Dom, and also hit into two double plays, got caught stealing twice, and left 10 runners stranded. Basically, after the giddiness of last night's win, and with 52,978 of our most ardent supporters in attendance, we got our backside handed to us in this one. Seriously – it was a real, “here is your backside, we’ve beat it so badly that we don’t want it anymore”, moment. Right, right – got it – yeah, I don’t know what that means either. Let me get us another round – things always start to come into focus with another round…

Elsewhere: After 10 straight games without a ding dong, Tom Franzone, has finally put a ball out of the park for the 52nd time this season – this puts him in a two-way tie (with Gabriel Saravia) for the top spot on the single-season table and, now trending to hit 55 bombs, we fully expect him to claim this record as his own over the next 8 games. This feels like the best of both worlds… he shouldn’t crack 60 jacks (this makes me happy, I don’t want that wide of an outlier on any of my tables) and is putting this campaign together for a team that could battle for a championship. Fair play, Mr. Franzone, fair play…

155 of 162: Crusher Melendez (13-7, 4.30) @ Trevor Dotson (9-11, 4.45)
Win, 3-0
. Trevor, sensing that Phoenix would have severe, torque-inspired lower back pain today after crushing the ball so completely last night, was masterful over 8.1 innings of work before handing the rock to Barbaccia who closed this one out with the dignity and aplomb of a seasoned professional. Dick McTaggart opened our scoring in the bottom of the 1st with a run-scoring single, Ethan scored a run and added to his base collection and gave us a two-run cushion in the bottom of the 8th on a 2-out RBI. Here’s where I tell you what you already know… that I’m full of hot air, that everything you skimmed over in the opening paragraph is poppycock, of no real value, and was wholly wrong. This set meant everything – it meant that at 10-10 we’ve pulled even with Phoenix for 2078, it meant that we won’t be bullied by the best offense in the league, that we are their equal, and that we can dispatch them with the ruthless precision befitting a champion.

Elsewhere: Houston’s SP Pete Taylor, still reeling from the public embarrassment my overzealous marketing team bestowed upon him, got shelled by the Minnesota North Stars – the young starter, whose poorly-kept family secret made national headlines the last time we met, put in 6 innings of ho-hum work, gave up 6 runs, and, miraculously, punched out 8 batters. Rudolf, with nothing left for him to ruin, gave up 2 runs in relief as well… not a good day for the Dynamo… or the larger Taylor clan for that matter.

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Old 11-29-2019, 01:36 PM   #454
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2078 Season (9/26 – 9/28)

San Francisco Seals (71-85, .455, 5th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (92-63, .594, 2nd NL West)
Upon their arrival in Los Angeles, the Seals will step off the plane and onto the tarmac as losers of 7-straight games… it seems that they have just recently remembered that this season was about tanking, but with San Diego having recorded only 57 wins so far in 2078, it’s too little, too late for the Bay Area’s second-best ballclub. If this is the form that they intend to close this campaign with, then I think it is beyond safe to say that their players are done, emotionally spent, downtrodden, empty versions of their former selves who are content to shuffle their way to the finish line like a Romero creation… slow, plodding, unable to scheme – forward, never straight. And, that makes them dangerous – the exact kind of team we don’t want to battle within the friendly confines of the Los Angeles Municipal Stadium… nothing to lose, nothing to gain – this is how injuries happen. So, I’ll be watching this set from the Owner’s Box, peeking through my fingers, hand conspicuously placed in front of my eyes like a middle schooler attending his first scary movie… don’t get them wet, avoid bright lights, and never, ever feed them after midnight.

156 of 162: Landon Sampson (14-8, 2.33) @ Newton Weiser (18-9, 3.54)
Loss, 8-2
. The return of our resident pugilist, Dontrell Gay, was not enough to help us earn a win in the first game of this set… the Seals put 3 bad ones on Newton in the top of the 3rd, touched him up again for two more in the 5th and then charged three more to our account against RP Kenny Ibuna in the top of the 9th… this one was a bloodbath with a spray chart that should resemble a splatter scene straight out of Dexter. Ethan got drilled by a pitch and stole his 48th bag… so, that’s cool. Not our best effort here as we take our foot off the gas and offer a helping hand to the Seals, so they can put their 7-game losing streak in the rearview mirror. We are nothing if not charitable.

Elsewhere: He did it… finally. Tom Franzone hit his 53rd homer of the season during a critical 8-1 over the Brooklyn Citizens and is now the sole owner of the top of the table for single-season home runs. With the win, Pittsburgh moved to 1 ½ game ahead of the Citizens and Tom, for his part, guaranteed entry into the annuals of time. Franzone is legend, Franzone lives forever.

157 of 162: Adam White (13-15, 4.43) @ Michael Brisk (9-7, 3.36)
Win, 7-6
. When reports came in that Brisky was seen leaving a local night club in his now neon green Lambo at 4am, I was concerned. His emotional immaturity had already led to a stint in the bullpen and linked him to a, now debunked (thanks Foggy!) dalliance with the wife of a powerful and politically connected tech CEO’s wife. As luck would have it – my concern went unwarranted. Baggy-eyed Brisky is, sometimes, my favorite Brisky and today’s model did not disappoint – 7 innings pitched, 6 hits, 4 earned (is normal), 5 K’s and no free passes for LA’s most eligible of eligible bachelors. Dick went 2 for 4 with a homer, Mullens hit a 2-run double and stole his 49th base, OH HONG hit a 2-out RBI, and two SAC FLY’s from Goodwin & Gay – putting the team first – thereby erasing yesterday’s poor & uninspired performance from the memory banks. That RP Ramsay Hudson blew the save is of no matter – Barbaccia, in full-on Superhero regalia, came in to secure the win in this one in the top of the 9th and saw his efforts rewarded by an Ethan Mullens walk-off run-scoring single.

Elsewhere: SP Burt McElheny, whose own sordid off-the-field tomfoolery rivals that of our resident charmer, Michael Brisk, failed to secure his 24th win of the season in a 5-2 loss against the Golden State Warriors… Big Burt gave up four runs over 7 innings of work and now has only one more chance to earn his 24th and to tie himself with Josiah’s best season before we put a bow on the 2078 regular-season. It’s funny, he was, arguably, as good or better than Brisky was tonight… but his offense just couldn’t provide the necessary support.

158 of 162: Jan Hernandez (10-17, 4.25) @ Jonny Garcia (11-9, 3.23)
Loss, 6-5
. We wasted a superb performance by OH HONG… 2 for 2 with a 3-run homer and a walk, and, in the process dropped our 20th 1-run game of the year… we’re now 31-20 in those. Just a poor effort all around in this one – fingers will be pointed, disapproving stares will be directed at various players on my walk through the clubhouse, and an emergency meeting with Megan will be called… or not. I’m tired, have three episodes of Mork & Mindy 3000 queued up on my Holographic DVR, and a full bottle of whiskey that’s not going to drink itself waiting for me at the condo… that sounds better, more productive.

Elsewhere: As I approached the door to my condo, feeling every bit like the boy with the thorn in his side, that I was greeted by the sounds of Frank Sinatra’s “That’s Life” reverberating throughout my hall could only mean one thing… or a few things, as it were. That precious “me-time” I so desperately desired, spent drinking myself into a stupor while watching Mork confuse Mindy in all its Super HD Holographic glory was not to be… instead, an unwanted visitor, and, if I’m lucky a pretty solid plate of puttanesca was in my future.

“what are you doing here?”
“Hi, Lefty. What’s shaking? I didn’t think you’d be home tonight – I heard you were touring Tupperware factories in Indonesia”.
“what are you doing here?”
“Rangiroa was nice – not much of a nightlife though”
“right, good. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Why are you here, again?”
“are you hungry? I’m making puttanesca.”
“Yeah, I’ll have some, sure… about being here…”
“Should we flip for the bedroom?”
“it’s fine, I’ll stay on the couch. It’s a pull-out. Can you pass me a glass of whiskey with that puttanesca?”

Oh, and another thing… Franzone now has 54 HRs… and this one was, perhaps, more legendary than all the rest of them combined… a GRAND SLAM in the bottom of the 7th to secure a 6-5 win over the Brooklyn Citizens, who, at the start of the game were only ½ game off of Pittsburgh’s pace. This guy… makes it hard for me to root for his abject failure. My record book is in shambles, sure, but, man oh man has this been a fun season for Tommy-Gun Franzone. And in other news, the San Marcos Supremos have made the Bush League playoffs and finished 2nd in the Justice Division of the Bush League… due, in no small part, to Megan’s early season guidance. She’s pretty good at this whole GM thing.
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Old 11-29-2019, 04:48 PM   #455
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2078 Season (9/29 – 10/2)

San Diego Chargers (57-101, .361, 6th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (93-65, .589, 2nd NL West)
Given that we’re amongst friends, let’s be honest here – nobody cares about the last series of the regular season when it will be contested against the worst team in the league at a time when your playoff destiny is no longer in doubt. But, with my petition to the Commissioners office denied post-haste, we’ll show up for these games, fully dressed, and ready to perform in front of our slightly bored and less-than-adoring fans. If nothing else, this set will give us an opportunity to start some of our young guns to see what they got and to, more importantly, give our rotation a break prior to our clash against the Phoenix Suns in the first round of the playoffs. Kordell, Rad, Riley, and Ramsey will each get a turn as we idle our way through the end of the marathon and steel ourselves up for what will, undoubtedly, be a fiercely contested 1st round series.

159 of 162: Artyom Fadeyev (7-16, 5.13) @ Kordell Littles (1-0, 4.20)
Loss, 7-5
. Kordell was good enough, he was smart enough, and doggone it… everybody liked him – except for Barbaccia. That dude doesn’t like anybody. Kordell was supreme – 8 innings, 5-hits, and 2 earned runs, and, Barbaccia, was not… his wheels came off, and try as he might, the most consistently inconsistent closer only retired one batter and gave up three runs on 17 total pitches. None of them for strikes. Look, it wasn’t all bad – we hit three doubles (Ethan (29), Cooke (30), and Rake (2)), got a 5th inning solo shot from OH HONG, and even put a SAC BUNT & SAC FLY on the board… it’s just that, when Barbaccia is off there really isn’t much you can do to get things under control – the guy is a one-man wrecking crew… sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes it’s not.

Elsewhere: The Phoenix Suns have clinched the National League West Division title and it is all Steven Barbaccia’s fault. Obviously.

160 of 162: Brody John (9-14, 4.18) @ Rad Taylor (1-0, 1.00)
Win, 5-3
. Rad Taylor went 8.1 innings, allowed one run, and OH HONG delivered a 2-run, walk-off, homer run to secure the victory for the Kings. Hong went 2 for 5 with the momentous homer, Mullens scored, Dick McTaggart stole his 29th base of the season, and our defense completed 3 double plays… even Barbaccia gave us an 11-pitch inning of solid work. The guy does have the ability to shake off a poor effort with little to no lingering effects. Unflappability… the mark of any true closer.

161 of 162: Cosmo Puente (3-9, 4.26) @ Riley Valentine (1-0, 2.65)
Win, 10-1
. The kids, it would seem, are alright… Riley went 7 strong, allowed only a lone runner to plate, and punched out five of San Diego’s batsmen, while Ethan busied himself by going 3 for 3 with 3 RBIs and 3 runs – that’s four of a kind the hard way – and Rajkumar got in on the action with a 2 for 5, 2 doubles, and 4 RBI performance. Let there be no doubt – the offense was humming – we wrecked the base paths with 4 steals, including numbers 50 & 51 for Ethan, and did whatever we wanted to do for the entire game. Phoenix had better come correct, we’re performing like a well-oiled machine right now.

162 of 162: Brian Candelario (4-3, 5.05) @ Ramsay Hudson (2-1, 8.00)
Loss, 4-0
. Ramsay went the distance but our offense couldn’t be bothered to follow him to the promised land… content to work their way through a series of listless at-bats and poor swing selection. Nothing was clicking here… Ethan got caught with his hand in the honey pot, we couldn’t manage a single EBH, and even our Gay-Sellers-Hong double play, on closer inspection, didn’t pass muster. This is how we do it… meander into the postseason coming off a loss that we can’t feel bad about because, with our mind adrift on the possibilities laid out before us, we weren’t paying enough attention to this one while it was happening.

Elsewhere: With the regular season complete, we find ourselves in a position where, in the NL East, a one-game playoff pitting the Pittsburgh Steelers against the St. Louis Rams with death on the line…

Pittsburgh Steelers (87-75, .537, t-1st NL East) @ St. Louis Rams (87-75, .537, t-1st NL East)
163 of 162: Robby Garrett (18-12, 4.04) @ Josiah Weber (13-14, 3.47)
Steelers Win, 10-6
. Weber, whose form at 39 years-old has suffered this season, couldn’t bring this one home as Ian Hanan hit a game-busting 2-run homer in the top of the 7th and Eldin Kemp went 3 for 5 with a double, 2 runs, and 4 RBIs for the Steelers to secure the victory. Franzone finished at 2 for 4 with a run and an RBI but couldn’t lift #55 out of the park and will finish his record-breaking season with a playoff bid and 54 jacks.

Up next, the moment we’ve all been waiting for… the 2078 MLB Playoffs… I’m nervous.

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Old 11-29-2019, 08:13 PM   #456
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2078 Postseason (10/7)

Los Angeles Kings (0-0, .000) @ Phoenix Suns (0-0, .000)
When I awoke from my slumber surrounded by mini bottles of scotch and a half-eaten plate of nachos in the Royal Palms hotel, my head felt like a metal drummer had spent most of last night assaulting it to the tune of “Rise” off of Voivod’s Phobos LP. My eyelids felt heavy, my gait was discordant, and the cheap scotch gave my constitution an undercurrent of psychedelia I hadn’t felt since college… this is how the best GM in the game prepares for a playoff series against the team he hates the most. After giving it some serious thought, I decided that day-old, hardened nacho cheese was not the nutritious breakfast of future champions and instead gathered myself together, splashed some cold water on my face, and made my way downstairs to get something to eat – it turns out that two eggs, over easy with a side of bacon and a bloody mary is the breakfast of champions, because I feel great. Like a two-dollar bill at the dollar store… championship material, in the flesh.

I pulled out my tablet while waiting for the food to arrive, and resolved myself, and my twisted vision to the task of reading the report Zahur and his crackerjack staff of talent evaluators had painstakingly put together for the team… it seems, if I’m reading this correctly, that we’re in some real trouble here – outgunned, overmatched, and wholly incapable of earning a satisfactory result here in the desert. The Suns have elected to start Patrick Keith, a fair-play on their part, but not ideal for us… the guy is, simply put, one of the very best our game has to offer – an unheralded genius on the mound whose legend has been told only in fits and starts because of hit susceptibility to injury – grievous and otherwise. All told, the Gloucester, England expat with a killer curve and dastardly changeup, has missed 24 weeks of the regular season due to injury. At the start of the 2078 campaign, he went down with elbow inflammation for a few months, backed that up with a bone spur in the same elbow, and then, due, perhaps, to overcompensation, missed another month and a half with a strained hammy. The guy is a mess – held together with a hope, a wish, and more than one roll of duct tape. But, when he’s healthy, he can deal and often does so with great vengeance, furious anger, and a complete disregard for your personal well-being.

I’ll have to stop at the front desk on my way out to the park – to apologize for the nacho cheese I found on the ceiling and to request that they restock my minifridge with more Cutty Sark (preferably the ‘Prohibition’ blend) and less Jägermeister.

Game 1: Newton Weiser (0-0, 0.00) @ Patrick Keith (0-0, 0.00)
Win, 6-5
. Patrick Keith, as advertised, was pretty good in this one – he’d give Phoenix 7 innings of good, solid work before being told to hand it off to the pen… we managed to touch him up for 3 total runs, 2 of which came in the top of the 1st. Phoenix, for their part, came out guns blazing… they’d charge 5 to Weiser’s account within the 1st two innings and forced our Skipper to go to Barbaccia inside two innings. The thought here, I imagine, was – “how can he ruin a game that’s already spoiled” … turns out, it was a good strategy as Barbaccia and Toni Cartwright took turns holding us over until we took the lead in the top off the 9th off a Dick McTaggart 3-run bomb. From there, we handed it off to Brisky who took his sweet time making his way out of the bullpen as he combed the crumbs out of his mustache on his way to the mound – see, your boy is old school, iron-willed, with a sturdy gut… he sat, worry-free in the pen, smashing hotdogs and didn’t even bother to warm up before coming out, in a high-leverage situation on the road, and closing out the best offense in the league on 7 pitches. With each new day his legend grows… We’d also get a 2-out RBI from OH HONG, 5 total two-baggers, and a SAC BUNT from Julian Goodwin. This was a great, if unexpected, result – maybe I won’t need to raid the mini-bar tonight after all.

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Elsewhere: the Pittsburgh Steelers won game one of their series against the Brooklyn Citizens by a score of 3-2 and, doing what Phoenix couldn’t, maintained their home-field advantage. Tom Franzone went 0 for 3 in the game, Ian Hanan went 1 for 3 with a 2-run double, and their Ace, SP Gregory Morgan, put together a really nice start in what turned out to be a tightly contested first game of the series. Former Laker, Merl Crawford, pitched well enough to win in a losing effort for Brooklyn.

Meanwhile, at the hotel bar… Upon my return to the Royal Palms, feeling festive, footloose, and fancy-free I ran into trouble. Trouble comes in many forms, and tonight’s version came in the form of the esteemed Ms. Foggy Finkelstein, dressed to the nines in full-on uptown evening wear regalia… everything was perfect, perfectly tailored lines, colored in a hue that can only be described as fiery, except that is, her idea on how we should spend the evening… It seems that the Royal Palms, in addition to being a resort known for its luxuriously decadent accommodations, is among the most desirable destinations for wedding receptions in the Phoenix Metroplex. And, as our luck would have it, tonight would be no different… there would be a reception, I, with Foggy as my pretend date, would be in attendance, and, if all goes according to plan, we’ll wreck it. Yep, you heard me right – we will wreck it. See, this wedding reception is for an Ex-boyfriend of Foggy’s and is being thrown to celebrate the union of her ex-beau and the woman he left her to be with. Now, as you can imagine, Foggy can be a bit… vengeful, overzealous in her pursuit of retribution, and is prone to hyperbolic displays of raw emotional outbursts that act as the catalyst of revolutions. I’m playing the role of the Trojan horse, she is just using me to get inside – from there, the plan is to hit the open bar, make a run at the fresh shrimp cocktail, and to stay way the hell out of the way… If all goes according to her plan, I’ll likely miss the National Anthem at tomorrow’s game while I wait for Yan to show up with my bail money… which is disappointing – tomorrow’s rendition features a holographic performance by none other than Joan Baez – the folk singer for peace. I was looking forward to that, I really was.
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Old 11-30-2019, 09:25 AM   #457
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2078 Postseason (10/8)

Los Angeles Kings (1-0, 1.000) @ Phoenix Suns (0-1, .000)
After picking myself up off the floor and moving to the center of the room, two things were immediately clear – I wasn’t in a cell and I wasn’t in my posh room at the Royal Palms. This was a trailer, likely a double-wide, and I appeared to be the only person in it. A cursory check of the living area, bathroom and second room revealed that much to be true and the note I found in the kitchen confirmed that I would be alone for the foreseeable future. “Hi hon, I’m off to work. Help yourself to some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. See you around – L”… Ominous, confusing. It’s already half past 8, I’m hungover, hungry, have no real idea where I am, and I have a baseball game to get to… but first, breakfast. I quickly gathered my things, retrieving my wallet from the nightstand, my pants near the couch, and my shoes from the bathroom, and then opened my rideshare map and ordered a car. Less than a half-hour later, I found myself in the hotel bar at the royal palms, sitting next to a disheveled looking Ms. Finkelstein waiting for my two eggs, over easy, with a side of bacon and a bloody mary to wash it down to arrive. Without a word spoken between us, we sat in a remorseful silence while I perused today’s report issued to my inbox by Zahur and his crackerjack staff of talent evaluators and worked to educate myself on today’s pitching matchup.

Jack Sanchez-Flores is an over the top, fireballer out of Paradise, Nevada. He’s an absolute stud who mixes in his pitches like a card shark mixes in betting strategies – you can try to dial this guy in, but, without any tells to base your guesses on you’ll find yourself at the mercy of good fortune. Batsmen don’t typically have good at-bats against this guy – they either get lucky or, and this is more often the case, they don’t. He leads with a damaging fastball that is nearly impossible to pick up and mixes in a slider, change, and splitter to keep you off-balance. And, unlike Patrick Keith, this guy doesn’t do injuries – he’s a durable 26-year old missed a day due to flu-like symptoms 6 years ago and has been leading the team in innings pitched ever since. Zahur expects this to be one of those long days, and, as I’ve come to rely on his powers of prediction, I’m inclined to agree. On a number of levels, actually, as I’m still having a hard time piecing last night together, can’t seem to find our team trainer, Duke Condon, to get an IV queued up, and have that awful pit in my stomach that can only mean one thing – playoff baseball.

Game 2: Jonny Garcia (0-0, 0.00) @ Jack Sanchez-Flores (0-0, 0.00)
Loss, 4-3
. This one was a gut punch… after Dontrell Gay drove in a run on a 2-out, RBI single in the top of the 9th, and with Brisky trotted out for his second high leverage situation in as many days… he faltered. Brisky, who actually warmed up this time was spectacularly outgunned from the first pitch he threw until 2-hits and only 5 pitches later he gave up the walk-off, run-scoring single to Phoenix Center Fielder, Jason Bland. For our part, we did a lot of really good things here – 3 doubles, two 2-out RBIs, a SAC BUNT, a double play, and an outfield assist… it’s just that, well, we didn’t do enough of it and as a result we're left standing on the diamond, mouths agape, watching the gleeful celebration put on by the Suns as they formed a boisterous welcome committee for 2B Craig Berry at home plate. Not much to hang our head at in this one, we battled, put two on Sanchez-Flores and were able to piece together some really nice at-bats. This loss belongs to our skipper, Ryan Rudnick, and Brisky – to Ryan for installing him as our closer and to Michael for telling him that he was good for it. But, with all things being equal, and with a 3-game set to be contested within the friendly confines of the Los Angeles Municipal Stadium on the docket, I’ll be glad to board the plane to LA… with the mess I’ve found myself in here in Phoenix, I can’t afford another night of buffoonery in the desert – my luck has most assuredly run out, and another night here would surely result in some significant prison time in a Mexican jail located somewhere between El Paso and Mexico City… probably Jimenez. I definitely don’t want to end up there again…

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Elsewhere: the Brooklyn Citizens, behind a complete game, 2-hit, 1-run performance by SP Les Trost have evened their series against the Steelers by a score of 8-1… and the clubs from Canada, Toronto & Vancouver, both earned game one victories to start their best of 7 series… Toronto won at home against Chicago (8-1), while Vancouver secured a road victory against the Golden State Warriors by a score of 5-4. We’ll have a day off in LA to reflect on the sins of our past and then will get right back at it against the Phoenix Suns… I suspect that I have a 24-hour cleanse in my future…
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Old 11-30-2019, 11:35 AM   #458
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2078 Postseason (10/10)

Phoenix Suns (1-1, .500) @ Los Angeles Kings (1-1, .500)
Yan Welli, my assistant, confidant, and armchair psychologist, hand-delivered my dry cleaning, 3 white oxfords, 3 pairs of dark Levi’s, oxblood belt and shoes, and 3 blazers that ranged in color from dark blue to darker blue and offered some sage advice as she pushed the lot towards me. The gist, without her customary philosophical platitudes, was this - I’m not a young man anymore, I can’t follow Foggy into whatever fray she has planned on a whim, and, as the self-appointed VP of Baseball Operations for the Los Angeles Baseball Club, LLC, I need to be more careful with those I choose to associate myself with. She’s right, Yan is always right... So, with my renewed maturity and with a Bloody Mary nowhere within my line of sight, I steadied myself to accomplish the task at hand - I have reports to read, strategies to digest, and some toast to butter up.

We are, as ever, up against it here - to our left, in the visitors’ dugout resides a club that is every bit our equal or better, often better, who would like nothing more than to close this thing out on our turf. Their offense, rated as the most rambunctious in all of baseball during the regular season, has yet to explode and is, if the report submitted by Zahur and his crackerjack staff of talent evaluators is to be believed, overdue for a pummeling. In my hands is a carefully laid out strategy that includes situational shifting recommendations, a list of favorable pitching splits, and a short prayer that they recommend I repeat, under my breath, over and over for the duration of each of the next three games. You know you’re in trouble when your strategy includes a reliance on a higher power...

In other news... Yan has informed me that she will be out of pocket for the next three days as she will be competing in an amateur fencing tournament, Foggy has submitted her resignation (she’s not even really in the payroll but whatever) to go on a walkabout in an attempt to find herself, and Kirk Johnson, according to my well-placed sources, has been traveling with Megan on the company dime. This whole thing is just a hastily constructed house of cards, man. And, as I’m no carpenter, it won’t require any huffs and puffs to bring this thing down to its studs.

Game 3: Jake Talley (0-0, 0.00) @ Aiden Jensen (0-0, 0.00)
Win, 10-9
. As expected, the Phoenix offense went Gonzo… but, we were good for it and beat on the skins like Animal from the Muppets in this one… we had an answer for every chord, a cymbal crash for every outburst… Jensen was terrible, he was leaky and bottomed out after allowing 7 runs in 2 innings of work, while Jake Tally gave us the business over eight, great innings of work… this thing wouldn’t get sorted until the bottom of the 9th, long after the Los Angeles Illuminati had filed out of the park, to the tune of a SEVEN RUN, WALK-OFF WIN! A supreme serving of humble pie topped with so much rich, velvety vanilla ice cream that I don’t know if I will ever come down from the sugar buzz… In the 9th alone, we got a 2-run double from Dom (the game-winner), RBIs from Rajkumar, Gay, Lloyd, and Nolan, and somehow, someway, get the win here despite an abysmal performance from our starter, a passed ball from Dom, and no attempts to wreck the base paths. This win is a difficult thing to describe… a comeback so monumental that it will live in LA folklore and Nationwide infamy forever. Demons were exorcised, souls crushed, and two careers were likely ruined… and, surveying the scene, with flashes of eggplant purple and burnt orange splayed out before me, I actually feel hopeful that we can, and will, navigate this arduous task with the dignity and grace befitting a champion.

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Elsewhere: The Brooklyn Citizens conjured up a bit of their own sorcery in an extra-inning walk-off win at home against the Pittsburgh Steelers… the culprit here was two errors committed by Pittsburgh that spotted the Citizens two runs in the bottom of the 3rd. Tom Franzone is hitting .250 for the series so far while the rest of his club are all posting a sub-.200 average. They need new sticks, the ones they’ve been using are cursed. Obviously. News of Yan Welli’s success was posted in the sports section of the Los Angeles times – it was a nice, 3-paragraph write-up… she won her first match on a counter-riposte and successfully scored on an acrobatic fleche that’s been making the rounds on Youtube. She’s, for lack of a better term, a fencing savage. Also, the word from my well-placed sources is that Foggy has been spotted at a Roller Derby match between the Rocket Queens and the Hollywood Scarlet while wearing the jersey of the Two-Time Angel City Roller Derby MVP, Tyra Shanks. I’m not sure what her play is there… She’s athletic enough to make a team, sure, but, given her superior investigative skills, I have to think this is just a small piece of a much larger puzzle.
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Old 11-30-2019, 01:42 PM   #459
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2078 Postseason (10/11)

Phoenix Suns (1-2, .333) @ Los Angeles Kings (2-1, .666)
After the mythical 9th inning comeback last night, I found it excruciatingly difficult to find my way to sleep. I’d even given some consideration to taking a couple of the sleeps Foggy left in my medicine cabinet before turning my attention to some of Grace Jones’ less challenging work and nodding off by the time “Art Groupie” hit its second run through the chorus. Tina once said that the road to peace of mind and love is long winding with dangerous curves, bump ups, downs, smiles and frowns, and, even then, in her infinite wisdom knew what needed to be done even if she was, at the time, ill-equipped to do it. We’ve had our bump up, our down, and I’m still wearing last night's smile from ear to ear even as I brace myself for the probable frown. Phoenix is a well-constructed, 97-win team whose swagger is so pervasive that one, improbable defeat at the hands of their nemesis is likely not enough to get them to tuck tail and run. No, they’ll be ready... they’re always ready.

Zahur’s daily scouting report was more hopeful than normal, but even I, despite struggling through some of the worst sleep I’d ever had the misfortune to endure, could understand the doubt that served as the undercurrent to his analysis. This will be no walk in the park, there will be no lovely creatures around who are unable to resist the charms of my Frenchie, Jacque Cousteau, the world’s only PADI certified French Bulldog, and there will be no fresh ocean breeze to blow away the toxicity of the LA air... the Suns will be ready, they will be focused, and they will look to land that perfectly placed counter-punch that can send this thing right back to the drawing board.

Game 4: Teagan Rachel (0-0, 0.00) @ Trevor Dotson (0-0, 0.00)
Win, 9-3
. Despite a 2-run homer courtesy of Tony Voorhis in the top of the 6th, the Suns couldn’t get out of idle as Trevor Dotson managed to put in 7 innings of work and only allowed the high-powered Phoenix offense to score twice. Dontrell Gay was the man of the match, he went 3 for 4 with 2 doubles, 3 RBIs, and 2 runs while Nolan contributed a couple of late RBIs to the cause. We’d get a 1st inning ding-dong from Ethan, 3 total two-baggers, 4 total 2-out RBIs, a SAC BUNT from Goodwin, and a nifty little OF Assist from Ethan, who caught RF Zach Martin trying to leg his way home on a Jess Alford single. Suddenly, we find ourselves very much in command of this series against a club that could just as easily be up 3-1 on us at this point… baseball can be funny like that – it’s all about the matchups you’re fortunate enough to get… last night it was the heart of our order punishing the Phoenix bullpen in the bottom of the 9th, and tonight it was the top of the order doing something similar in the bottom of the 8th. We’re on the cusp now… with all the customary Los Angeles glitz & glamour that go with playing like a club who is preordained to complete the 1st 3-peat in Strangeverse history. I’m cautiously optimistic… my confidence assured but not misplaced. I’ve been here before, I’ve been around, you know! We all have. And while my bucket is nearly full of oysters already, I’m under no illusion that, in baseball like fishing, the tide can change quickly and before you know it you’ll find yourself waist-deep in the surf and forced to ditch those oysters while you work your way out of those chest waders that seem to have sprung a leak.

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Elsewhere: In a first-round filled with commanding leads, the Brooklyn Citizens are up 3-1 on the Pittsburgh Steelers while both remaining Canadian clubs have opened 3-0 leads against their respective opponents. Vancouver’s Nacho Valadez secured another win for his Vancouver Giants over the consensus #1 team in all of baseball, the Golden State Warriors, by a score of 4-2 and the Toronto Reds BC beat the Chicago Fire by a score of 4-1. Nacho, the former Orlando-based party boy & Lucha enthusiast, has come a long way from the wild, free-wheeling early days of his career, and, after a short stint with the Dearborn Dilly’s in the Bush League, has found himself a home in Vancouver where he’s busied himself by tapping into some of that potential that went unrealized with his previous club. If we don’t win this thing, it’d be a lot of fun to see this guy earn his first, and likely only, World Series ring.

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Old 11-30-2019, 06:59 PM   #460
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2078 Postseason (10/12)

Phoenix Suns (1-3, .250) @ Los Angeles Kings (3-1, .750)
Our final game in Los Angeles will be a repeat performance of the 1st, in that contest, SP Patrick Keith gave the Suns good work and went deep enough in the game that their bullpen should have had little difficulty closing it out. After all, he’d spotted Paul Williams & Johnny Dial 2-runs and left them only 6 outs away from a Game 1 victory. They just couldn’t be bothered to get the job done – in fact if there’s a job to be done for Phoenix in this series it would be better left out of their bullpen’s hands. They’ve been dreadful – just a collection of stiffs out there throwing meatballs, all with an ERA of 9 or higher. They’ll surely get the no-confidence vote in this one from Keith… we expect him to be economical, to give us some balls to hit where he lays on them heavy enough to get us to hit some weak grounders into the teeth of his infield defense before completely powering up that fastball of his. We’ll need to be patient here… give him some long, challenging at-bats, puff up the pitch count a bit, and work to get him out of there as early as possible so we can get another look at the pen. It’ll be easier said than done… a ballplayer’s pride is a funny thing and a little bit of failure never got in the way of any great ballplayers overinflated sense of self.

Game 5: Patrick Keith (0-0, 3.86) @ Newton Weiser (0-0, 27.00)
Win, 4-3
. We’ve done the impossible here – or, at least, that’s what it feels like. Coming into this series, the smart money played on Phoenix dispatching us in 6. Smart money, dumb money – I guess it doesn’t really matter now… it’s all just gone money. Newton, on his second run at the Suns in the 2078 postseason, looked a lot better than he did in Game 1 – he gave us 7 innings, allowed 8 hits, 2 earned, doled out 2 free passes, and retired 4 batters on strikes. It wasn’t a legendary performance by any stretch – but it’s what we needed, and it got the job done. Brisky, in full-on hardened steel and sex appeal mode, hurled a 2-inning save, his 3rd of the series, gave up a couple of little dribblers, K’d 3, and, 42 pitches later, helped us lead the celebration while the Phoenix players, head held down, dejected, exited stage left. Offensively, we didn’t exactly come out like gangbusters – we were economical and efficient – a solo shot from Nolan, 2 RBIs for Dick, a run-scoring single from Ethan. Just enough of the good stuff sprinkled in at the most opportune of moments. We now await the winner of the Brooklyn-Pittsburgh series… it’s looking like Brooklyn, but you never know – ol’ Franzone could get hot and take this thing over.

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Elsewhere: The Toronto Reds crushed the Chicago Fire in their first-round series… a 4-0 series sweep from the North here. And they earned this one in style, coming back from a 0-4 hole they dug for themselves in the bottom of the 1st to win by a score of 5-4. Ferdinand Loving got the win for Toronto in relief. Meanwhile, the other Canadian club stumbled at home as the Golden State Warriors salvaged some of their self-worth in a 4-1 victory in British Columbia. 2B JJ Barbari drove in two runs during the victory. And, lastly – it looks like we’ll head to Hipster-Land to face the Brooklyn Citizens in the 2nd round of the 2078 playoffs. They were led to victory in the closeout game by Laker castaway’s SP Merl Crawford and 1B Ruben Zarate. I’ll be damned if a couple of my hand-me-downs are going to stop my club from making it to our 4th straight World Series.

Note: Golden State would go on to do the unthinkable and defeat the Vancouver Giants in a thrilling, history-making 7-game, come from behind victory. The last gasp for the cosmic superhero duo of Nacho and Burt has come to an unfortunate end… it was fun while it lasted boy, see you next season!

In other news: Yan Welli gave a good account of herself in making it all the way to the Finals of the Los Angeles County Amateur Golden Foils Tournament. She was, unfortunately, disqualified after being warned for multiple corps-à-corps infractions. You can take the girl out of Judo, but you can’t take the Judo out of the girl… And, lastly – according to my well-placed sources, Ms. Foggy Finkelstein has submitted an application to have her name legally changed to Loretta Synn and, if my information is accurate, plans to pursue a career in Roller Derby. Not sure what her play is here, I mean I hope she has fun, finds herself and all that, but I’m a bit disappointed that her Derby name didn’t get punny with puttanesca. Hasta Bruttanesca? I don’t know… something like that.
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