Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

No separate draft analysis post this year; the Coons won’t pick in the top 50 and there is no point in compiling a hotlist f.e… There are a few words about some talents in the complaints section of this post, though.

Raccoons (24-30) @ Titans (32-25) – June 5-7, 2035

For whatever reasons I had a very bad feeling about this series. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. It’s not like the Titans, fourth in runs scored and runs allowed in the Continental League this year, had ever did the smallest harm to us. Not that I could remember at least. All was well. The season series was tied 2-2, the Coons came in on a 6-game losing streak, and all was totally and absolutely well. (topples over into a pile of empty bottles)

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (3-5, 5.00 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (4-2, 2.95 ERA)
Colt Willes (4-5, 4.33 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (5-4, 4.35 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (4-4, 3.73 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (1-3, 3.77 ERA)

We expected them to skip southpaw Jesse Erickson (2-4, 5.76 ERA), utilizing the common off day on Monday. With that we’d see two right-handers sandwiching another lefty, Chavez. They had two starters on the DL, righty Jeff Dykstra and lefty Tim Wells (3-2, 3.28 ERA). The latter would be able to return on Wednesday, but it was uncertain as of yet whether he would be sent to rehab.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 1B Avakian – C Wall – 2B Barrios – 3B Zeltser – P B. Chavez
BOS: SS Gil – 1B J. Elder – RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – C J. Young – 3B R. West – CF Walberg – P Willett

Once again, the Raccoons scored first, not that it had won them anything in recent memory, and then again did so in shambles fashion. Fowler failed to produce that maiden run, popping out with Manny Fernandez dying at second base in the opening frame, but a single and two walks stuffed the bags against 2034 Pitcher of the Year Rich Willett before an out was recorded in the top of the second inning. Then Zeltser popped out, Bernie barely hit a sac fly, and Ramos walked onto the open base. Fernandez grounded out to lifelong pest Keith Spataro, stranding three. The Titans also left three on base, but didn’t score in the bottom 2nd. Jim Young singled, and Bernie walked both Rhett West and … with two outs… Rich Willett … (gnashes teeth with a cracking noise) … before Antonio Gil flew out to Wallace.

While Bernie Chavez remained consistently erratic and ran up more than 60 pitches in three innings, the Raccoons had a nap before Berto drew a leadoff walk in the fifth. He stole second, with Young’s bad throw and bounce moving him to third base with nobody out. Fernandez whiffed, Wallace hit a comebacker, and Fowler K’ed, sending Ramos back to the dugout gnawing on his helmet. At that point I was SURE we’d lose, I just didn’t know yet how. But, given the advanced pitch count on Chavez, my money was on grade 2 bullpen meltdown in the seventh…

If true, the pen had more than a 1-0 lead to blow, though. Willett was wild again in the sixth inning. After singles by Wall and Barrios, he offered four poor tosses to Bob Zeltser to fill the bases. Bernie struck out, but with two down Berto drew the walk and pushed home Wall with the team’s second run. And then Fernandez flew out to Moises Avila… Bernie got through six innings on 109 pitches and my pick was well on pace. Before the pen could get involved, the bases would be loaded AGAIN, courtesy of Willett, who was finally yanked with two outs in the seventh. Wyatt Hamill inherited Avakian (who had forced out Fowler (who had forced out Wallace)), Wall, and Barrios. With that, Rich Vickers pinch-hit for Zeltser to counter the lefty. He hit a double to left to bring in two runs before Hugo Salgado struck out in Bernie’s spot. Salgado took over at third base afterwards. Prieto and Garavito both put a runner on base in the following two innings, but neither suffered a run scored on him and I wondered whether I had boarded the wrong plane. That didn’t look like my team… Kurt Wall’s solo homer in the ninth off Jermaine Campbell reinforced the bewilderment. Cockiness kicked in for the bottom 9th, when we sent Jason Gurney to protect a 5-0 lead. Todd Johnson popped out, as did Rhett We-… no, Berto sneezed while under it and the ball hit him in the head before bouncing away. He got an error for that. Clay Walberg’s grounder was taken for a fielder’s choice by Salgado, and then Pat Sanford grounded back to Ramos, who was not fudging up another play and tossed to first to end the game. 5-0 Coons. M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B; Wall 4-4, BB, HR, RBI; Barrios 1-2, 2 BB; Vickers (PH) 2-2, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 6.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 6 K, W (4-5);

Looks like Rich Vickers really, really wants to play.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Salgado – 2B Vickers – CF Fowler – C Wall – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Avakian – LF Hall – P Willes
BOS: SS Gil – 1B J. Elder – RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – C J. Young – 3B R. West – CF Walberg – P Wells

Wells was sent straight into battle after coming off the stretcher. He fell 1-0 behind in the second thanks to West’s throwing error on Fowler’s grounder. That placed the leadoff man at second base. Kurt Wall’s single advanced him to third base, and Fernandez’ double play bouncer got him at least across home plate… Jim Young took Willes deep to erase the lead right in the next half-inning. Neither team did much in the next few innings, but Rich Vickers had three plate appearances by the middle of the fifth inning, had gone 0-for-3 and had stranded four runners. The Titans would get runners on the corners in the bottom 5th with walks to West and Gil, but Jay Elder struck out to strand those two.

The game became such a lull that Jim Young’s go-ahead homer in the bottom 7th caused me twice the amount of agony as it normally would have, since Willes hadn’t exactly begged for a loss on the mound. He just hadn’t done enough with the bat to win…… Clay Walberg reached base with one out, prompting a move to the pen after Wells bunted Walberg, who had stolen second, to third base. David Fernandez came on to see Gil, but the Titans pinch-hit with Johnson, who turned a 1-2 pitch into an RBI single past Avakian, the lousy fool. Fernandez was charged a run of his own in the bottom 8th on Vega and Spataro doubles, while the Raccoons were careful not to cause too much of a stir on their way into the loneliness of the night. 4-1 Titans.

Looks like Rich Vickers (a dead 0-4) really, really wants to come off the bench.

Game 3
POR: 3B Salgado – 2B Vickers – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Wall – RF M. Fernandez – SS Stalker – 1B Avakian – P del Rio
BOS: SS Gil – 1B J. Elder – RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – C J. Young – 3B R. West – CF Walberg – P T. Chavez

Here was another left-hander to lose to. Facilitators of this would be Keith Spataro, who reached the .200 mark with a double in the bottom 2nd, and Jim Young, who took del Rio plain deep. A walk to Clay Walberg and a Gil double down the leftfield line with two outs would give Boston enough for a 3-0 lead. The Raccoons had two hits in the first four innings… if you included hit batsmen, with Stalker getting nailed in the second, and Wall in the fourth. Avakian hit a single in the fifth that led absolutely nowhere. Then came the bottom 5th, with Jay Elder drawing a leadoff walk. Avila singled before Willie Vega fed a ball to Salgado, and Salgado threw it away for an error – three on, nobody out, game over. Del Rio plated a runner with a wild pitch, and another one scored on Spataro’s sac fly to right. Jim Young fell to 1-2 before del Rio nailed him, and that was the last we saw of the starter. He was whisked for Gurney, a bright white flag if there ever was one, but he retired West on a gentle fly and Walberg on a grounder to get out of the inning, but the Critters were down 5-0 and simply beaten. It didn’t get better. Gurney allowed a run in the sixth, Vega singling home Elder, but at least he went 2.2 innings with his pathetic tossery. Chavez spun a 2-hit shutout. 6-0 Titans. Wall 0-1, BB;

Interlude: Trade

The Raccoons engaged in a minor trade on the way home, sending Nate Hall (.220, 0 HR, 9 RBI) to the Cyclones for right-handed MR Chris Miller (1-2, 4.12 ERA).

Miller is not to be confused with the infielder Chris Miller on the Thunder. This Chris Miller is a 28-year-old Texan and very much run-of-the-mill. He was a regular starter for the Falcons in ’32, but has only made spot starts since. He has options and we won’t be afraid to use them.

In additional roster moves, Jason Gurney was put on waivers and DFA’ed, while we called up Preston Pinkerton for an extra right-handed bat while plotting the next move.

Raccoons (25-32) vs. Rebels (22-36) – June 8-10, 2035

Two useless teams met on a sad weekend in a dumb town to play three awful games. The Rebs were fifth in their division, just like the Coons, and were second from the bottom in runs scored, which was something the Coons were working themselves down towards against. Both teams were sort of average in preventing the opposition from scoring. The Raccoons had swept the Rebels last year, but no such good luck was expected this time around.

Projected matchups:
Darren Brown (2-1, 0.46 ERA) vs. Eric Peck (3-5, 4.22 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (4-4, 3.84 ERA) vs. Kyle Dominy (3-6, 4.38 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (4-5, 4.57 ERA) vs. Derrick Forbes (4-3, 2.81 ERA)

Southpaws would sandwich he right-handed Dominy in this game.

Game 1
RIC: SS Obando – 3B S. Sierra – 2B B. Freeman – C M. Cook – 1B Rosado – RF Carr – LF Figueroa – CF Mntua – P Peck
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Salgado – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 2B Stalker – RF Pinkerton – C Scheffer – 3B Zeltser – P Brown

Base hits by Steve Sierra and Ben Freeman, plus Mitch Cook’s sac fly to right, put the Rebels up 1-0 right away. Darren Brown wouldn’t allow another run for a long time, but after the Coons got Ramos and Salgado on base to begin the bottom 1st and egregiously left them stranded, they didn’t very much try to generate offense until well into the middle innings. Salgado hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, stole second after Wallace whiffed, Fowler whiffed too, and then Tim Stalker somehow snuck an RBI single past Sierra to tie the game at one. What a herculean effort that was! And then Pinkerton fanned, because that was all they could do.

Bob Zeltser hit an unexpected solo homer in the bottom 7th to give the Raccoons an even more unexpected 2-1 lead. Darren Brown singled, was stranded, then went back out for the eighth inning to scratch a few more outs – he had struck out nine Rebels and had looked fairly decent so far. He popped out Guillermo Obando, then gave up a game-tying 1-out homer to Sierra in the eighth, and then was sent for the showers. Chris Wise got out of the inning, but Mauricio Garavito was blown up for three line drives for base hits and two runs in the ninth inning, PH Matt Kroneberger driving in the runners with a double. Prieto replaced Garavito, threw a wild pitch, then balked Kroneberger across to dig the hole to three runs (not that they would have made up those two…), and the Raccoons did absolutely nothing against Jeremy Bloedow and his 9.00 ERA in the bottom of the inning. 5-2 Rebels. Ramos 2-4, 2B; Salgado 2-4; Zeltser 2-4, HR, RBI; Brown 7.1 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 K and 1-2;

That was the end for Philip Scheffer and his .154 batting average. He was placed on waivers and DFA’ed too.

The time of Tony Morales (.271, 12 HR, 43 RBI in AAA) had arrived!

Game 2
RIC: 3B S. Sierra – LF Foster – 2B B. Freeman – C M. Cook – RF Carr – SS Kroneberger – 1B Figueroa – CF Mntua – P Dominy
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 1B Avakian – 3B Zeltser – P Rendon

Justin Fowler had fallen into a black hole this week and was given a day off. Wallace batted clean up instead, found Salgado and Fernandez on base in the bottom 1st, and cleaned up with a 1-4-3 grounder. Rendon indiscriminately walked the 6-7-8 batters with one out in the top 2nd, then allowed a sac fly to the opposing pitcher to fall behind, which was at least a new variant. Sierra struck out, but the deep sigh I had released after walk three had prompted Slappy to look up and raise an eyebrow, inquiring whether I was alright. I was not.

Morales’ first at-bat was a groundout to “Nine Fingers” Freeman, so at least he fit right in with his new team. The game continued with Rendon walking everything with legs, but when the bags were full again for a Kroneberger single and walks to Telma Mntua and Steve Sierra in the top 4th, Ian Foster struck out to strand them all. Instead, Mitch Cook and Ryan Carr plated the 2-0 run with a pair of doubles in the fifth inning. While the Raccoons scattered five hits in the worst way through five innings, Rendon wasn’t seen again after the fifth. New acquisition Chris Miller got his first appointment and pitched two pointless shutout innings in what was quickly becoming the Raccoons’ 10th loss in their last 11 times of donning pants. Salgado hit a single in the bottom 6th, then was doubled up by Wallace. Absolutely nobody reached base in the bottom 7th. Zeltser ran a 3-1 count to begin the eighth, then poked and popped out. The Raccoons sent Ed Blair into the ninth inning despite trailing 2-0, because he hadn’t pitched all week and he shouldn’t think he was somehow above partaking in all the losing. He promptly nailed the leadoff man, PH Gastao Rosado, and in a 1-2 count, too …! Sierra hit into a double play and Foster grounded out, too. Technically the Coons had the tying run in the on-deck circle to start the bottom 9th. Right-hander Travis Green would see the 2-3-4 batters. Hugo Salgado singled. Manny Fernandez popped out. Jimmy Wallace flew to deep left, but not deep enough, and the ball was caught by Foster. Tony Morales, hitless as of yet, remained as such by popping out. 2-0 Rebels. Salgado 4-4; M. Fernandez 2-4; Miller 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K;

No, Slappy. I am not okay. I would mix some of the earth in the pot with the dead plant next to the door in my Capt’n Coma, but that would require getting up, and I don’t feel like getting up ever again. (fluidly melts into the cushions)

Game 3
RIC: SS Obando – LF Foster – 2B B. Freeman – C M. Cook – 1B Rosado – RF Carr – 3B S. Sierra – CF Mntua – P Forbes
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Salgado – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Wall – 2B Vickers – RF Pinkerton – 3B Zeltser – P B. Chavez

Two line drive singles and a 4-pitch walk loaded the bases before Chavez got an out. Mitch Cook’s double play grounder gave the Rebs the lead, with Rosado grounding out to Salgado afterwards. Bottom 1st, Berto hit a leadoff single, Wallace hit a double to center, and with two in scoring position, Justin Fowler awoke from a 5-day coma (0-for-18) and singled through the right side, plating both runners and giving Portland a 2-1 lead. Kurt Wall and Preston Pinkerton tacked on, each with an RBI double, and Zeltser flew out to Mntua in shallow center to end the inning. Whoah. Offense! Honeypaws, did you see that!? They scored runs!!

Mitch Cook also scored another run with a solo homer in the third inning, melting the lead to 4-2, and Chavez continued to leak singles left and right. The Rebels had six hits to the Coons’ seven through five innings, and got another leadoff single from Rosado in the sixth, but he was doubled off by Carr’s 4-6-3 grounder. In the bottom of the inning, Wall and Pinkerton went to the corners with one out. There was a chance to tack on! Bob Zeltser ripped at a 1-0 pitch and drove it to right – and outta here! 3-run homer! What a sight heretofore unseen! Bernie lasted seven, just so, and Tony Morales pinch-hit for Vickers and legged out an infield single in the bottom of the seventh, his first career hit in the majors, but Pinkerton fanned to strand a pair in that inning. Kulp and Fernandez handled the last two innings without blowing up and the Coons had their second win in the last two weeks… 7-2 Coons. Ramos 2-5; Wall 3-4, 2 2B, RBI; Morales (PH) 1-1; Pinkerton 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (5-5);

In other news

June 5 – NAS 3B/2B Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.317, 4 HR, 33 RBI) will miss a month with a broken thumb.
June 6 – PIT SP Julio Palomo (5-3, 2.47 ERA) twirls a 1-hitter in an 8-0 shutout of the Rebels. Utility man Steve Sierra (.248, 3 HR, 20 RBI) hits a single in the third inning to break up the no-hitter early, but that would be all for Richmond.
June 6 – Young Falcons outfielder RF/CF Jerry Aguilar (.227, 0 HR, 5 RBI) tries to show some tricks with his motorcycle, falls off, and will miss two weeks with a bum knee.
June 7 – It takes 12 innings for a single run to be scored in the Loggers’ game hosting the Canadiens. MIL C Edgar Paiz (.268, 2 HR, 15 RBI) doubles home Tyler Prestwood to end the game immediately in a 1-0 walkoff.
June 7 – The Condors and Bayhawks engage in a 4-4 tie before the Condors burst out for seven runs in the top of the 11th inning, devouring three different relievers in the process.
June 9 – Salem’s SP Brandon Nickerson (4-3, 2.33 ERA) and MR Rico Sanchez (2-3, 5.46 ERA, 1 SV) pitch a combined 1-hitter in a 5-0 win over the Bayhawks. SFB C Jorge Resendez (.231, 0 HR, 6 RBI) is the only San Francisco player that gets a ball to drop in.
June 10 – DAL 3B Mike Roesler (.265, 1 HR, 26 RBI) has four hits and four RBI in a 17-3 whacking of the Condors.

Complaints and stuff

Next week: Wolves, Indians, the draft in between, and maybe I’ll find time to knot a rope somewhere in a spare moment. And no, there’s no point to talk much about the previous week, it was just … it was … no.

Saturday’s inept performance was the 4,600th regular season loss for the team, and boy, did that one come fast.

The draft is less than a week away and it is probably in order to say a word or two. First, signing Justin Fowler forfeited our #20 pick and thus the Raccoons will not get a selection until #59 at best. Second, there is some interesting talent in the draft, none of which we’ll get to pick up. College pitchers Garrett Sutherland, Jim Tartaglia, and Jose de Lucio look like future All Star candidates. High school pitcher Craig …. (takes a deep breath) Craig Czyszczon is a bit of an enigma with a twirly fastball and a last name that is genuinely hard… Cristiano Carmona told me it start with a whistling sound, then a B, then a scream from the bottom of one’s soul, but I think he’s trying to trick me into something. Hints to that are subtle, but he keeps pointing his phone thing at me.

On the batting side there would be a future star shortstop in Chris O’Keefe on offer, a Mark Dawson imitation in Justin Ganz, a maybe-swatting youngster playing all four corners with varying success, and a host of outfielders, led by genuine high school phenom J.P. Angeletti and ball-mauling college player Jerry Outram. His name is Outram because he rams balls out of the park. I am not making that up.

Well, Cristiano says it’s what is in his Gobble card. I don’t know. I don’t have Gobble. I don’t have a phone. Most of the time I have no idea what everyone is ****ing talking about.

Fun Fact: Nate Hall has gone from Portland to Cincinnati for the second time now.

The first time he went over as free agent though; that was in 2033 when he signed a new 1-year deal with them after serving out a 1-year deal with us.

[Questdog]

'Burner' Morales? Is he an arsonist? Is it safe to bring my children to the ballpark now?

[UltimateAverageGuy]

What are the percentage chances you'll update this on OOTP 21?

[Questdog]

Originally Posted by UltimateAverageGuy

What are the percentage chances you'll update this on OOTP 21?

I can field that one...

About 1 on 666,666,666.....

Unless, he is paid to do so (he is an accountant, after all), we will not be seeing the Raccoons in OOTP 21 any time soon... Maybe when OOTP 30 comes out, he will upgrade to OOTP 20....

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

'Burner' Morales? Is he an arsonist? Is it safe to bring my children to the ballpark now?

You should check out the pictures of the burn marks he left on the (AAA) baseballs. They're on Gobble.

Everything's on Gobble now. I will launch a complaint with the league office. (picks up antique speaker of rotary phone and starts with nearly a full spin for an 8)

Originally Posted by Questdog

I can field that one...

About 1 on 666,666,666.....

Unless, he is paid to do so (he is an accountant, after all), we will not be seeing the Raccoons in OOTP 21 any time soon... Maybe when OOTP 30 comes out, he will upgrade to OOTP 20....

Fairly close estimate there! All this newfangled stuff...! Everything was better in the olden days. The baseball players. TV. And the booze had more spin, too.

Talking about spin. (keeps wheeling on the phone) Maud? - Maud! - My finger hurts from dialing!

[Westheim]

Service announcement: I may or may not get holed up in my place by Wednesday, depending on whether taxes and accounting are still essential in times of the plague. So that should give a steady pace of an update every day here.

Unless I go insane. Then there will be FOUR updates every day.

Or get beaten to death at the supermarket, fighting over the last jar of pickles.

Then again, death and taxes are inevitable right? So that means they're essential, right?

Bah.

Whatever.

Current status: I played up to the draft yesterday and will do the draft and the last two games in the week tonight. Unless I suffer death over pickles.

Spoiler: the damn Critters didn't lose ALL their games so far.

[Bub13]

Originally Posted by Westheim

[I]Or get beaten to death at the supermarket, fighting over the last jar of pickles.

Wait...aren't you in Germany? So you should never run out of pickles, yes?

[Westheim]

Raccoons (26-34) @ Wolves (32-30) – June 11-13, 2035

Not having won a series from the Raccoons since 2027, this was the time of the Wolves. It wasn’t like the Raccoons were able to offer much of any sort of resistance, so they could avenge their three series losses since then. In their Federal League, they were tenth in runs scored with the worst batting average, on base percentage, and so on, but they had the best rotation, a stingy defense, and were allowing the second-fewest runs, so I was probably not hysterical when I estimated that the Coons would score at most three runs in this set…

Projected matchups:
Colt Willes (4-6, 4.30 ERA) vs. Phil Harrington (9-1, 1.40 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (4-5, 4-12 ERA) vs. Jong-hoo Cho (5-6, 2.78 ERA)
Darren Brown (2-1, 1.00 ERA) vs. Paul Peters (6-2, 3.06 ERA)

All righties here, so we could bring out our strongest lineup with all the left-handed batters that couldn’t hit a baseball…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 1B Avakian – C Morales – 2B Barrios – 3B Zeltser – P Willes
SAL: 1B J. Garcia – RF Witte – LF Weinstein – SS J. Castro – 3B Armfield – 2B Menth – CF M. Jones – C Canody – P Harrington

Of course the Critters nicked Harrington and his 1.40 ERA for a run in the first. Entering with 100 K in 81 innings, Harrington allowed a single to Salgado and an RBI double to Jimmy Wallace to fall behind. Not having any anger issues at all, Harrington blew away the next six Critters on strikes alone before Berto managed a rallying groundout in the third inning. Maybe it was the ump! Even Colt Willes struck out four the first time through. The Wolves stranded Oliver Witte and Kyle Weinstein in the opening inning, then retreated to their lair to contemplate an attack strategy. While Harrington was on his own, he ramped the K’s up to nine before Bob Zeltser managed a double with two outs in the fifth inning. All that did was bring up Colt Willes, and all Willes did was to crash a baseball over the fence in leftfield for a 2-out, 2-run homer. Wait, what?

So, that happened, and it put Willes 3-0 up on a guy not even allowing three runs per two baseball games. Harrington made it 10 K, growling at Ramos as he rung him up (which was also one of those things hard to do, with Berto having 16 K in 266 PA now), then bunted Taylor Canody to second base in the bottom 5th. Canody had reached base when Jimmy Wallace, that defensive wrecking ball, dropped an easy fly for a leadoff error. This spiraled into a run for obvious reasons. Jose Garcia legged out an infield single, and Witte dropped an RBI single in Wallace’s deserted department before Weinstein hit into a double play. The defensive liability was removed from the game in the sixth after getting hit in the knee by Harrington’s 0-2 pitch. The Wolves’ hurler by now was angry enough that hot vapor was pushed out of both his ears, and when Fowler hit a bouncer, he threw that away trying to turn two. Avakian dropped an RBI single (!!), but Morales and Barrios both got rung up again to strand two in a 4-1 game, err, 4-2 after Jose Castro’s leadoff jack in the bottom 6th. Chad Armfield singled, Dave Menth singled, and Tony Morales fumbled with Matt Jones’ bat to load the bases on catcher’s interference in the bottom 6th… and with nobody out. Well, Willes was out after that. Garavito came on, rung up Canody, and got a double play grounder, 5-4-3, from PH Ron Tadlock to preserve a 4-2 lead…!

Instead Garavito gave up a pop double to Jose Garcia in the bottom 7th that Fowler overtumbled, but somehow the ship still refused to be sinking. Garavito got two outs before Wise rung up Castro to strand the runner at third base. He retired the Wolves in order in the bottom of the eighth before the Wolves were Ed Blair’s business in what was still a 4-2 game. But the game had run out of panic – Canody, Rich Parker, and Garcia hit three grounders to second base, and Tim Stalker remained master of all of them. 4-2 Coons. Wallace 1-2, 2B, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Garavito 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Yaaay, winning streak!

Jimmy Wallace had a bruised knee. He put on a brave face, but he would be day-to-day for the rest of the week, probably, and at least on Tuesday was not in the lineup.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Avakian – C Wall – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P del Rio
SAL: 1B J. Garcia – RF Witte – LF Weinstein – SS J. Castro – 3B Armfield – 2B Menth – CF M. Jones – C Canody – P Cho

In the first, both teams got their leadoff man on with a hit, both attempted to steal a base, and that’s where similarities ended. While Ramos singled, stole second, and eventually scored on a Fernandez sac fly, Garcia doubled, then was thrown out by Wall tying to nip *third* base. Kurt Wall would find himself out at third base only half an inning later, though that was on del Rio’s ****ty bunt with Wall starting on second, Stalker on first, and one out. Berto grounded out to complete the inning. A pair of 2-strike base hits by Canody and Garcia would then tie up the game in the bottom 3rd.

Top 4th, Bob Zeltser hit a 1-out double to center, and when Stalker grounded to third base, Chad Armfield spiked the throw and the Coons had runners on he corners when Jose Garcia kept the ball at least near him. I never been a fan of bunting with one out in this situation, so del Rio swung away as well and fanned. Berto singled through the hole on the left with two outs, which probably would have been two runs if Stalker had been on second base, but now made it only 2-1 Critters. Oh well, we’d make it up with some other shrewd and genial move! But first Salgado grounded out to end the inning. The Raccoons tacked on an insurance run in the top 7th with Berto’s leadoff single, Salgado’s groundout, and then Fernandez’ RBI single, making it 3-1, while del Rio scattered five hits in seven innings and entered the bottom 8th still in shape at 82 pitches, although David Fernandez was getting ready should trouble arise by the time the left-handed top of the order came up. While del Rio retired Canody and Parker, Jose Garcia was nicked, and that legally counted as trouble. Fernandez came on against Witte, who grounded out to Stalker on the first pitch he got, ending the eighth. Berto drew a leadoff walk and stole his 20th base off Miguel Salazar in the ninth, but the right-hander just struck out everybody after that. David Fernandez finished the game after that, retiring Weinstein, Castro, and Armfield in order to take the series. 3-1 Critters. Ramos 3-4, BB, RBI; Stalker 0-1, 3 BB; del Rio 7.2 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K, W (5-5);

Will wins ever cease?

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Avakian – C Morales – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Brown
SAL: 1B J. Garcia – RF Witte – LF Weinstein – SS J. Castro – 3B Armfield – 2B Menth – CF M. Jones – C Canody – P Peters

There was great noise right in the first inning; first there was the Coons rattling off five hits, a walk, and four runs against the Wolves’ Paul Peters, who started with a single to Ramos and a double to Salgado, got Fernandez to pop out, but with Fowler’s 2-run single the gates opened (and Fowler crossed the 50 RBI mark in the first half of June on a team otherwise unable to pull runs from their arses!). Avakian singled, Morales walked, Zeltser hit a run-scoring fielder’s choice, and then Stalker doubled to right. Avakian scored from third base, 4-0, and Bob Zeltser was ruled out in a violent home plate collision after which he hobbled off the field with a calf strain. Salgado moved to third base and Preston Pinkerton entered the game in rightfield, batting seventh, and then Darren Brown aspired to give it all back. After acquitting himself fairly well initially upon replacing the DL’ed Sabre, Brown walked Witte and Weinstein on eight straight balls in the bottom 1st, then served up a bomb to Castro to wipe most of the lead off, and it was a 4-3 game after that loud knell. He issued another 4-pitch walk to Canody in the bottom 2nd, and all I felt was existential angst.

Top 4th, Stalker drew a leadoff walk from Peters, then was forced out on a bad bunt by Brown, who then acted as roadblock when Ramos and Salgado both singled. Where Stalker long would have scored for at least one marker on the board, the Coons now had them loaded with one out and had to hope for good things from Manny Fernandez, who whiffed, or Fowler, who hit a blooper in no man’s land in shallow right-center on which Witte, Jones, and Menth all converged, but none of them reached the ball before it dinked in for a 2-run single. Six runs on 11 hits in 3.2 innings was deemed enough damage done by Peters according to Wolves management, and Shane Jacobs replaced him. The righty upped the damage to seven on Avakian’s RBI single (sic!), and then Tony Morales go this first career RBI of many with a double off the fence, closing the book on Peters in an 8-3 game. Pinkerton flew out to centerfield, ending the inning.

Darren Brown didn’t get the win. After the second 4-spot by the Coons he just waited for another change to cause commotion, and found it in the bottom 5th. He walked Jacobs (!), allowed a single to Garcia, then conceded three runs with two outs on base hits by Weinstein and Castro before being yanked for Antonio Prieto, who got a K on Armfield to escape the mess. Prieto, Garavito, and Dusty Kulp held the fort in mostly flawless fashion through eight innings though while the offense seemed to have decided that if they couldn’t get another 4-spot off Peters, they weren’t even gonna try. For the second time in the series Ed Blair then faced Canody, Parker, and Garcia in the bottom of the ninth, and for the second time none of them reached. 8-6 Raccoons. Ramos 2-5; Salgado 3-4, BB, 2B; Fowler 2-5, 4 RBI; Avakian 3-5, RBI; Wallace (PH) 1-1;

…and that, boys and girls, was our second successful 3-game sweep of the season! And the victims of the first one would await us in Portland.

Raccoons (29-34) vs. Indians (27-37) – June 14-17, 2035

The Indians brought up the rear in the CL North and were in dire need of pitching, conceding almost five runs per game, tying for the worst mark in the Continental League. Offensively, they were merely eighth in runs scored, but the Critters were down in tenth and had just now struggled back to the point where they were plating at least four runs per game. I was hoping for a good effect on the lineup by that shoddy Indians staff…

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (4-5, 3.82 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (7-4, 2.93 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-5, 4.38 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (5-7, 4.31 ERA)
Colt Willes (5-6, 4.15 ERA) vs. Josh Walsh (3-6, 3.44 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-5, 3.84 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (3-7, 6.03 ERA)

Southpaw on Sunday!

The Raccoons had a bit of a problem with their bench and lineup. Bob Zeltser and Jimmy Wallace were now both day-to-day and Zeltser was the only actually competent third baseman on the team. Pinkerton and Salgado were auxiliary fodder for the position, but it showed the constraints of having three second basemen, of whom only Tim Stalker had other competences. If things got too awful between those two clowns and a limp Zeltser, maybe Berto would see action at the position – it would be the first time in his career that he’d play somewhere else but shortstop!

Game 1
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 1B Acor – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B I. Pena – 2B Eisenberg – C Henley – SS Benito – P Bressner
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Avakian – C Morales – 2B Stalker – RF Pinkerton – P Rendon

John Baron and Manny Fernandez hit homers in the first inning; with only Ramos on base ahead of either of them, the Coons took a 2-1 lead that they added to in the third inning when Ramos and Salgado reached base. Manny plated another run with a groundout, but Fowler popped out. Adam Avakian, with two down, hit an RBI double (sic!) to center, and Morales singled to left. Stalker ripped an RBI double down the leftfield line, 5-1, and Pinkerton was walked intentionally to bring up the pitcher as the Indians tried to throw an anchor. It didn’t work – Rendon hit a duck snort single on the first pitch and it was worth two runs. Berto’s RBI single was the end for Bressner, with righty Mitch Brothers whiffing Salgado to stop the hemorrhage in an 8-1 game.

As a contest, the game was over. Morales singled home Fowler in the fourth to add a run, and the Indians didn’t bother to bat for Brothers in the fifth inning. Dustin Acor hit a leadoff double in the sixth, moved to third base on Baron’s grounder, then went for home when Josh Garbinski flew out to rightfielder Preston Pinkerton – who cut down Acor at home plate, too! But that the game was over for the purpose of suspense didn’t mean it couldn’t not hold another goody. Morales found Fowler on second base again with two outs in the bottom 6th. He hurt Brothers again, and this time hurt him for 370 feet to right for his first career home run! That was not quite the end – the Coons put another 3-spot on Chris Vazquez in the bottom 8th. Bob Zeltser singled in a pair with two outs in that inning (but was run for by Rich Vickers). Rendon ran into the 100 pitches mark early, but Miller and Kulp provided scoreless relief in a blowout. 14-1 Raccoons! Ramos 3-6, 2B, RBI; Fowler 3-5, 2B; Morales 4-5, HR, 3 RBI; Stalker 3-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Pinkerton 2-4, BB; Zeltser (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI; Rendon 6.1 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, W (5-5) and 1-3, 2 RBI; Miller 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Whoah, what happened? Where’s my team of despicable losers??

Friday was Draft Day, and I would be taking in the game from afar in New York. I hear that Nick Valdes arrived in my absence and was furious because he couldn’t yell at me in person!

Game 2
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – C J. Herrera – 3B I. Pena – 1B Acor – SS Eisenberg – P Kretzmann
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Avakian – C Wall – 2B Barrios – RF Pinkerton – P Chavez

Kretzmann retired the first six before Barrios and Pinkerton reached base with soft singles in a scoreless game in the bottom 3rd. Bernie’s bunt was good, Berto flew out to shallow center, though, but Salgado looped a ball over Frank Eisenberg for a 2-out, 2-run single. Hugo went on to steal second base, then scored on Manny Fernandez’ single to right-center. And the inning kept spiraling. Singles by Fowler and Avakian loaded the bases, but Manny shied back from making the turn at third base and it was probably for the better. Wall fouled out, stranding three in a 3-0 game. The following half-inning, a Salgado error put Juan Herrera on base. The Indians followed up with singles by Ivan Pena and Frank Eisenberg, bringing in the unearned run before Chavez struck out Kretzmann to end the inning.

Come the fifth, the Indians scored another initially unearned run. Chavez had walked Pablo Sanchez, the venerable old man of the mountain, then allowed a single to Dan Schneller. Pinkerton tried to strike down Sanchez going for third, but his throw was quite the wild thing, and Sanchez scored. Schneller went to second, advanced further on GarbinskI’s groundout, and then scored on a Herrera single, at which point both runs were earned, and the game also was tied at three…

The chance for a comeback came right back. Berto drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 5th, Salgado singled, and Fernandez sent Baron back into the depths of centerfield. The ball hit off the base of the wall for an RBI double, putting Portland 4-3 ahead. Fowler’s sac fly made it 5-3 before Avakian was intentionally walked probably less for his own stick and more for Kurt Wall’s tardy hindpaws… The double play didn’t come up, but he flew out to center and Barrios rolled over to Schneller, stranding two runners anyway. Dustin Acor’s leadoff jack narrowed the score to 5-4 right away in the sixth and I was getting antsy in the draft room, watching the game on the phone of our scout guy. The commentary was in Spanish, but a thundering crack off the bat sounds the same in all languages… There would be more of those. John Baron hit one in the seventh that sent Chavez to bed and flipped the score to 6-5 thanks to Schneller on base, and when Garavito took up mound duty he fell to 3-1 to Garbinski, who hit another blast to left-center, 7-5. That looked a whole lot more like the team I knew… Before the inning was over we had moved on to Antonio Prieto, who nailed Acor and allowed singles to Eisenberg and Mike Plunkett. With the double Herrera had ripped off Garavito, the Indians put up a 5-spot to relegate the Raccoons to their place in the dark corner, down 9-5. And that was before Garbinski hit another garbage homer off Prieto, and, oh, so did Ivan Pena, both in the eighth. Salgado would hit a 2-out, 2-run double off ex-Coon Lance Legleiter in the bottom of the inning, but by then it was too late. 11-7 Indians. Salgado 3-5, 2B, 4 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-4, RBI; Pinkerton 2-4, 2B;

Five homers in this game, all for the other team. How is that even… (exasperated stare into the void)

But when I say Pablo Sanchez is old, I mean it. 41 years of age! And batting .345!!

I flew back in time for the game on Saturday, only to find Nick Valdes gone, but no game on – the weather was positively dreadful and the game was postponed into a Sunday double header for which, thankfully, both Jimmy Wallace and Bob Zeltser reported back 100%. Both starters retained their Saturday starters for the opener, in which Portland went to rest Justin Fowler, who was hardly ever getting a day off. He had gotten it on Saturday, and we weren’t going to make him play two right afterwards. Berto was among the players earmarked for a day off in the second game.

Game 3
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – C J. Herrera – 3B I. Pena – 1B Acor – SS Benito – P J. Walsh
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – P Willes

The Raccoons reached base seven times in the first two innings. Colt Willes drove in one run with an RBI double that scored Avakian in the bottom 2nd. Position players drove in nobody, and Salgado even hit into a double play right after Ramos’ leadoff single. Not that Berto was blameless – with Zeltser and Willes in scoring position and one out in the bottom 2nd he whiffed, followed by Salgado popping out. At least the Willes RBI was the only run-scoring event for quite a while. The Raccoons stopped trying eventually, and the Indians were held rather short, amounting only to two hits through five innings. Walsh hit a single in the sixth, but was stranded. Tony Morales hit a double in the bottom of the inning … and was also stranded. Berto hit a double in the bottom 7th… and was also stranded. Salgado hit a comebacker to Walsh, and Fernandez popped out. Inevitably, this had to end badly. Dustin Acor hit a gapper for a leadoff triple in the eighth inning, and Juan Benito immediately followed that up with an RBI double, was bunted to third base by Walsh, and then scored on a sac fly. All of a sudden the score was flipped, and the Raccoons were doomed to lose once more. Well, yes, Avakian hit a 2-out single in the bottom 8th and Fowler batted for Vickers and walked. But then Bob Zeltser hit another ****ty pop to the shortstop and those runners were also stranded. Tim Thweatt was in for Indy in the ninth. Tim Stalker led off from the #9 hole, but grounded out. Berto doubled down the line in rightfield to put the tying run in scoring position. Oh, that movie again. Yeah, it always has the same ****TY ending!! Kurt Wall batted for Salgado, which was one way to express despair, and flew out to Garbinski. Fernandez grounded out to Benito on the first pitch. 2-1 Indians. Ramos 3-4, BB, 2 2B; Wallace 2-4; Avakian 2-3, BB; Willes 8.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, L (5-7) and 1-3, 2B, RBI;

I don’t know. I don’t even want to see the second leg. The first one contained enough dumb **** for one day.

Oh, no, del Rio warming up.

(deep sigh!)

Game 4
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B I. Pena – 1B Acor – C Henley – SS Benito – P Terwilliger
POR: 2B Vickers – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – SS Stalker – 1B Salgado – 3B Zeltser – RF Pinkerton – P del Rio

The first Coons hit was Rich Vickers’ leadoff double in the first that totally didn’t lead anywhere after two pops and a roller to short. The second hit beaned Acor from the game, to be replaced by Frank Eisenberg in the second inning. The Indians didn’t reach two hits of any kind until the fourth inning, but then got a Garbinski single and Pena double back-to-back, plus a productive grounder from Eisenberg to take a 1-0 lead. Watching this was only hurting anymore, and the booze (points at glass with Capt’n Cola and some sort of suppositories floating around in it) isn’t ****ing helping anymore…

Dan Schneller’s homer plated Pablo Sanchez for a 3-0 lead in the fifth inning. The Coons had stranded Fowler and Salgado the previous half-inning, nobody reached for them in the following half-inning, and when Kurt Wall homered in the sixth, he led off the inning and only shortened the score to 3-1. The 3-4-5 made three absolutely pathetic outs after that, including another two pop outs. J.J. Henley and Juan Benito opened the seventh with base hits; the Indians scored more runs on Sanchez’ groundout and Schneller’s single, 5-1, and when Bob Zeltser hit a 1-out single in the bottom 7th for a ****ing change, Preston Pinkerton wrapped up the inning 5-4-3 style, and that was the last time the Raccoons had anybody on base in the game. 5-1 Indians. Zeltser 1-2, BB;

Four hits off Arnie Terwilliger. That’s gotta be the low point, right? That’s gotta be it? Right?

Right?

In other news

June 12 – Loggers outfielder Danny Valenzuela (.327, 1 HR, 33 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak after a 2-run double in the eighth that still sees the Loggers drop, 6-3, to the Blue Sox.
June 12 – SAC CF Mark Vermillion (.283, 8 HR, 29 RBI) is likely out until the All Star Game with a sprained wrist.
June 13 – CIN C/1B Rey Cedillo (.333, 5 HR, 20 RBI) homers off TIJ CL Ray Andrews (2-5, 2.70 ERA, 17 SV) to walk off the Cyclones, 1-0 in 10 innings.
June 14 – SFW C Ethan McCullar (.299, 12 HR, 45 RBI) hits for the cycle in a 4-5 day with 2 RBI, contributing to a 6-5 win over the Stars. It is the first cycle of the year, the 86th in league history, and the seventh for the Warriors franchise.
June 14 – The hitting streak of Milwaukee’s Danny Valenzuela (.323, 1 HR, 33 RBI) ends at 21 games in a 2-0 loss to the Blue Sox.
June 15 – The Knights will shut down CL Marcus Goode (0-3, 3.48 ERA, 14 SV) for a month due to shoulder soreness.
June 16 – Sioux Falls’ INF John Hansen (.277, 2 HR, 17 RBI) is done for the year with a partial tear in his labrum.
June 17 – The Warriors trade for the Aces’ 1B Brent Rempfer (.268, 10 HR, 37 RBI), with Vegas receiving MR Seth Odum (2-0, 7.50 ERA, 1 SV) and #79 prospect CL John Landrum, plus cash.
June 17 – The Rebels will be without 3B/SS Guillermo Obando (.264, 0 HR, 25 RBI) until after the All Star Game. The 35-year-old veteran is out with a broken thumb.

Complaints and stuff

There aren’t really any words for this anymore. If anybody can explain to me how a team can have the best batting average in the league, but sitting a pitiful ninth in runs scored, and having it feel even worse than that – I am open for subtle hints, or for somebody letting us collect insurance on some of the suckers by breaking their kneecaps.

We even have a +5 run differential. I don’t even know…

Darren Brown’s awful Wednesday outing coincided with Sabre being sent for rehab in St. Pete on Thursday. One start should be enough to get him up to pace, or maybe two. Dr. Chung? – Dr. Chu-ung!! – No answer. He said this week he’s only treating actual injuries from now on, not those imagined ones.

Both Jason Gurney and Philip Scheffer arrived in St. Pete without being claimed, not that we particularly cared.

Fun Fact: Alberto Ramos had his 5,000th career at-bat on Sunday, just over six months before his 30th birthday.

Few Raccoons have made it that far, and you can probably recite most of them in your sleep. There are even two of those on the team right now, as well as two that made the Hall of Fame:

PORTLAND RACCOONS – FRANCHISE AT-BAT LEADERS

1st – Matt Nunley (2013-2031) – 8,878
2nd – Ricardo Carmona (2012-2027) – 7,486
3rd – Daniel Hall (1978-1994) – 7,184
4th – Neil Reece (1989-2004) – 6,572 (HOF)
5th – Tim Stalker (2022-2035) – 6,321
6th – Mark Dawson (1981-1991) – 5,486
7th – Ieyoshi Nomura (2004-2021) – 5,319 (HOF)
8th – Alberto Ramos (2025-2035) – 5,003
9th – Tetsu Osanai (1985-1993) – 4,897
10th – Adrian Quebell (2005-2014) – 4,817

[Westheim]

2035 AMATEUR DRAFT

Boy, this was gonna be dull! The Raccoons had forfeited their #20 pick by signing Justin Fowler during the offseason and now had to watch endlessly as other teams were cutting the biggest slices out of the draft cake until only the crumbs were left, give or take the odd finger that had been carelessly sliced off, but hey, somehow we gotta get players nicknamed Ben “Nine Fingers” Freeman…

The damn Elks, in addition to being in a scuffle for first with the Titans in the CL North that the Raccoons were regrettably refusing to participate in, and on top of that got to select first in the 2035 draft. Outfielder Jerry Outram had the great misfortune of being selected by them. The Aces took SS Chris O’Keefe, the Miners selected outfielder Bill Reeves, another outfielder fell to the Buffaloes in J.P. Angeletti, and the top 5 were completed with the first pitcher selected, the Rebels taking Garrett Sutherland. The remaining player that would have been right at the top of the list for we was SP Craig Czyszczon, and he went to the Crusaders.

Then it was about waiting until we’d finally get to play with the toys, too. We had a few sleeper picks that didn’t look like first round material at first glance, f.e. corner outfielder David Weigold, a player from the factory where they make Jimmy Wallaces. There were a number of quirky middle infielders with no power, and a high school 1B in Brian Calderon we saw with huge power potential, but rough around the edges otherwise. CL Jake Bonnie also looked like a totally fine late second-rounder.

Bonnie went #16 to the Thunder. Weigold was taken by the Bayhawks, but not until #52. Calderon fell to the Raccoons, though.

+++

2035 PORTLAND RACCOONS DRAFT CLASS

Round 2 (#59) – 1B Brian Calderon, 17, from San Angelo, TX – not much defense or speed, but a big swing with the ability to make contact with it, too!
Round 3 (#83) – 2B Nick Lando, 19, from Antioch, CA – quite athletic and fast, with an above-average OBP makeup at the plate (which would gel well with the speed); unfortunately no power potential at all.
Round 4 (#107) – SP Zack Kelly, 19, from Huntsville, AL – unless this lefty learns a third proper pitch he won’t be a starter, but the 93mph fastball and the swooping curve ain’t an entirely terrible starter pack.
Round 5 (#131) – OF Daniel Turner, 22, from Loveland, CO – the sort of player that has no first-glare weakness, but then again also no strengths. Can run a bit, hit a bit, field a bit, and it’s all a bit rubbish…
Round 6 (#155) – CL Matt Hopson, 21, from Baton Rouge, LA – quite the changeup on this right-hander, but the fastball comes pretty darn straight…
Round 7 (#179) – C Bobby Komoroski, 18, from Columbus, GA – typical catcher in that he’s slow-footed, doesn’t hit for much power, and he also doesn’t seem to have the strongest throwing arm. Keen eye on him, though.
Round 8 (#203) – SP Carlos Martos, 17, from Apple Valley, CA – southpaw with a fastball that needs to add some zip, but he does have a very fine curve that could get him places.
Round 9 (#227) – SP Aaron Murphy, 18, from Los Angeles, CA – throws a multitude of pitches, all somewhat undeveloped and awful. Some focus would do this right-hander well…!
Round 10 (#251) – SP Cecil Nisbet, 19, from Bernierville, Canada – another right-hander with way too big a repertoire that nevertheless lacked depth.
Round 11 (#275) – SP Pete Boring, 18, from Charlestown, NH – southpaw in the Nick Brown Memorial Pick slot. Curveball is there, but the fastball is 86 and gets hammered. And sometimes the curve does, too.
Round 12 (#299) – 1B/LF/RF Yuichi Shindo, 18, from Funabashi, Japan – switch-hitter that collects baseball cards … and golden sombreros.
Round 13 (#323) – SS/2B Don Hughes, 19, from Georgina, Canada – a mess of a left-handed hitting shortstop with good range, but clumsy paws, a good eye, but no patience, and a quick first step, but no speed.

+++

We also canned a bunch of minor leaguers, as usual. Some of the victims will be mentioned in this post mortem. 2033 last-rounder Mason McCann was axed after his conversion to a pitcher was terminated with the “unsuccessful” stamp; infielders Andrew Milstead (2033, 10th Rd.) and Gabe Tyler (2032, 8th Rd.) were released from Aumsville for persistently not hitting;

Lighning also hit a few nameless, faceless scouting discoveries and so forth.

[Westheim]

So far, taxes are still considered important enough to send me to work later (although I usually don't work on Wednesday mornings). Word is that a national lockdown is coming though...

Besides, who could possibly stomach these sulky Critters day in, day out?

+++

Raccoons (30-37) @ Loggers (32-37) – June 18-20, 2035

The Loggers were fifth in runs scored, but third from the bottom in runs allowed. Another weak pitching staff that we could look excessively bad against – yaaayyy! The season series was tied at three. You had to watch for their runners, because they led the league in stolen bases (taking almost one per game), while homers and hitting for average weren’t their thing. They were in the bottom three in both of those categories.

Projected matchups:
Darren Brown (2-1, 2.56 ERA) vs. Vinny Olguin (7-4, 3.42 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (5-5, 3.62 ERA) vs. Pau Metzler (1-6, 3.84 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-6, 4.61 ERA) vs. Ernesto Lujan (3-8, 4.47 ERA)

All right-handers here! Not that it mattered much – the Coons wouldn’t hurt anybody’s feelings, no matter whether they were left-handed, right-handed, or had lost both hands in a grim accident with an electric can opener and now wielded a pair of battery-powered buzzing claws.

Thursday would be an off day before we’d head on to Atlanta (and maybe just leave Adam Avakian there…). The double header on Sunday thus wouldn’t upset our rotation to a point where we *needed* a spot starter, but Bernie Chavez was pitching so rotten that I was entertaining the idea of sending in Chris Miller for the Wednesday game just to see him start a game at all. Miller had thrown 28 pitches on Sunday; starting on Wednesday would require him to stay out of the first two games.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Brown
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 2B McWhirter – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – SS Garnier – CF Prestwood – LF K. Farmer – C Paiz – P Olguin

Six batters in, the Critters had a 6-0 lead. Berto opened with a triple down the rightfield line, scored on Fernandez’ single up the middle, and then the Loggers kindly chipped in two errors. Jamie Leftwich fumbled Wallace’s grounder for one, then couldn’t handle a wild throw by Edgar Paiz on Justin Fowler’s grounder for the second one. Tony Morales doubled home two, and Avakian hit a ball over the fence in right in a desperate, last-ditch effort to not get tied to a street light post in Atlanta on the weekend. So this was Brown’s game to lose now. He retired the Loggers in order in the bottom 1st before the Coons upped their game in the top 2nd. Berto singled, Manny Fernandez blasted a homer, and it was 8-0! A Jimmy Wallace double and two groundouts made it 9-0, with 3 RBI on Tony Morales. Milwaukee held on to Olguin until Avakian’s 2-out single. Peter “Graveyard” Gill retried Stalker to end that inning. For practicable purposes the game was as good as in the books, although Gill’s double and a Danny Valenzuela single gave the Loggers a run in the bottom 3rd, yet doubles by Morales and Stalker reclaimed it in the fifth. Tony Morales also hit a 2-out RBI single to cash in Wallace in the sixth inning. Up 11-1, the Raccoons removed a number of regulars during the seventh-inning stretch, including Berto and Fowler. Darren Brown went eight innings of 1-run ball, but was not sent out for the ninth against the middle of the order and already well over 100 pitches.

Of course something had to go wrong in the ninth inning. Preston Pinkerton hit a leadoff double off Sergio Piedra in the #4 hole, bringing up a 3-for-4 Tony Morales that was already starting to carve out a permanent spot in the lineup. He ripped another double over Leftwich that gave him his third double in the game as well as his fifth RBI. It also gave him a jammed paw upon sliding into second base, and he had to come out of the game to make sure there was no claw damage. Kurt Wall replaced him. Hugo Salgado would come up with another run on a pinch-hit base knock, running the Coons’ total up to 13. David Fernandez walked one and whiffed three in the bottom 9th while I was freaking out over the Morales injury. 13-1 Coons. Ramos 2-4, 3B; M. Fernandez 2-6, HR, 3 RBI; Wallace 2-5, 2 2B; Pinkerton 1-1, 2B; Morales 4-5, 3 2B, 5 RBI; Avakian 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Brown 8.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (3-1);

Tony Morales wound up with a piece of tape on his claw that was perhaps half an inch wide, and the recommendation by Dr. Chung to leave him out of the Tuesday game because his whining was otherwise unbearable.

I took it way harder, eventually collapsing from exhaustion after banging on the door to the trainer’s room for ten minutes, and spent the last hours of the day with an oxygen mask on my face and confessing to all my sins. Some say I was exaggerating, but I claim that it’s never wrong to call for a priest in such dire straits…

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 1B Avakian – C Wall – 3B Zeltser – 2B Barrios – P Rendon
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 2B McWhirter – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF D.J. Mendez – CF Prestwood – SS Del Vecchio – C Canas – P Metzler

I assumed the bats to be empty for the rest of the week by default, but at least Avakian hit a double and was scored by Bob Zeltser in the second inning for a 1-0 lead behind Gilberto Rendon. That was it for offense early on. Neither team managed more than two base hits through four innings, and it was only in the fifth that the Critters scratched out another run on a pair of singles by Edgar Barrios, who was bunted to second base, and Berto, who drove in the runner with a single to right-center. Bottom 5th, Tyler Prestwood hit a leadoff single, but got doubled up by Ted Del Vecchio.

Zeltser singled home Avakian for the second time during a 2-out rally in the sixth. The maligned first baseman hit a single himself and Kurt Wall walked in between them to move him to scoring position. Barrios, batting a sad .206, grounded out to Bill McWhirter to end the inning. While Rendon held the Loggers short and to three hits in six innings, the Coons had the chance for the knockout, getting another three Furballs on base with two outs in the seventh. Unfortunately, that meant bases loaded for Avakian, which was not a scenario that had generated lots of runs so far, as his 15 total RBI this season (in a precise 200 at-bats) were witness to. He grounded out to Del Vecchio. Leftwich’s leadoff single in the bottom 7th never saw the Loggers move that runner off first base, and Rendon kept the Loggers shut out through eight, but also reached 95 pitches, and he was not built to go far over 100. One more insurance run would sure help with our confidence here, but his spot was also up to lead off in the ninth, and Alex Banderas rung him up. Berto walked, but was caught stealing before Salgado singled. Wallace flew out to Prestwood, keeping the score at 3-0 while Rendon would face the top of the order. Ed Blair was sure readying in the pen! In the event, Valenzuela singled on the very first pitch thrown by Rendon in the bottom 9th and the switch was made immediately. Blair got a double play grounder from McWhirter, then a game-ending groundout from Leftwich. 3-0 Coons. Ramos 2-4, BB, RBI; Zeltser 2-4, 2 RBI; Rendon 8.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (6-5) and 1-3;

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Miller
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 2B McWhirter – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF D.J. Mendez – SS Garnier – CF Prestwood – C Paiz – P Lujan

Chris Miller (1-2, 3.24 ERA) got romped right from the start, with the Loggers bludgeoning him for six hits and five runs, including three triples, in the first two innings. The first saw only a McWhirter triple and Leftwich’s sac fly, but the second started with singles by Maxime Garnier and Tyler Prestwood, then brought about doom with two outs. Valenzuela and McWhirter hit consecutive triples, Leftwich chucked an RBI single, and it was 5-0 in no time.

While the Critters scratched out only four hits and one run on a Manny Fernandez RBI single in the third inning through the first five, the Loggers knocked out Miller with a D.J. Mendez solo homer in the bottom 5th, extending their lead back to five runs, 6-1. A vague bid for a comeback was made in the top 6th; Lujan conceded a leadoff walk to Jimmy Wallace, then served up Justin Fowler’s 12th homer of the season, a 400-footer to right. Morales whiffed, but Avakian singled and Tim Stalker hit a ball up the line that Gold Glover Valenzuela barely kept to becoming a double. This placed two in scoring position and brought up Bob Zeltser as the tying run with one down. He struck out in a full count, and Rich Vickers hit a fly to Valenzuela to strand the precious runners. The next inning, Ramos and Fernandez were on the corners with nobody out thanks to a pair of singles off Lujan. The middle of the order drew up – none of them plated a run. Strikeout, lineout, and Morales got nailed to fill them up for Avakian, which at least got the Loggers into their pen where Rafael Zacarias had the easiest out at the plate. Avakian, the lousy drain on my psyche, popped out to short. The bottom of the order did nothing in the eighth, except for Kurt Wall drawing a 2-out walk in the #9 hole, but Berto lined out to Prestwood. Top 9th, still three runs behind, Manny Fernandez opened with a single to left off Banderas. Wallace chucked a grounder at McWhirter for a double play, and that was it. 6-3 Loggers. M. Fernandez 3-5, RBI; Fowler 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Garavito 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Well, that was awful! At least we know where we stand with Miller now…

A roster move occurred on our off day, with the Critters optioning Edgar Barrios to St. Petersburg after his average dropped to .200. There were too many second basemen on the roster, and it wasn’t like his lefty bat did anything worthwhile. We brought up utility value at least in Justin Marsingill.

Raccoons (32-38) @ Knights (29-42) – June 22-24, 2035

The Knights had swept us the first time round this year, but they were also horrendous and begged to be beaten on their own turf. They were last in the South, 18 1/2 off the pace, and were adrift in the Chattahoochee. Their offense had them in the bottom three in the CL, and their pitching was merely average. They had already piled up a -52 run differential (Coons: +17, somehow).

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (5-6, 4.61 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (7-4, 2.49 ERA)
Colt Willes (5-7, 3.97 ERA) vs. Roland Warner (3-4, 2.49 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-6, 4.06 ERA) vs. Armando Zaragoza (2-9, 5.57 ERA)

Unfortunately we were running into the best bits of their rotation, including the only southpaw scheduled for us this week, Roland Warner, on Saturday. If they got a lead in the game, their pen was a) horrendous to begin with, and b) further scuttled with Marcus Goode and Tommy Weintraub on the DL.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Chavez
ATL: CF Muro – LF Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B Zitzner – SS Thomson – C Dear – 3B Maneke – 2B Ibarra – P Inderrieden

Both teams failed to bring more than nine batters to the plate in three innings, and only Chris Maneke reached base on an infield single before being doubled off by Sergio Ibarra. No, not even Travis Zitzner, batting .277 with three homers, managed to hit a homer right away, but the weekend was still long… While the Knights had Juan Muro loop a leadoff single (and getting forced out by Luis Inoa), then added a 2-out walk drawn by Zitzner, Keith Thomson flew out to strand those runners in the bottom 4th. Portland didn’t get on base until Tony Morales reached on an uncaught third strike with one down in the top 5th. Avakian walked, Tim Stalker hit a ball down the rightfield line for an RBI double, and the Knights wouldn’t pitch to Bob Zeltser. Bernie Chavez hit into a 3-6-1 double play after the intentional walk, but Manny Fernandez singled, stole second, and scored on Fowler’s 2-out double in the sixth to run the score to 2-0. Morales struck out, and this time Matt Dear held on to it.

Bernie retired the first two in the bottom 6th before throwing away Luis Inoa’s grounder for a 2-base error. He walked Roy Pincus… and Travis Zitzner, too. Keith Thomson, batting a sturdy .168, drove a 1-1 pitch to deep center… but Fowler caught up with it and caught the damn thing to end the inning. Bernie! WHY!!?? No answer would be forthcoming, because Chavez immediately stuffed his snout with a banana upon return to the dugout, devouring it noisily. He would pitch another inning, then retired after 101 pitches and with his spot leading off the eighth against Inderrieden. The Raccoons by now had only right-handed bats on the bench, which was another no-good situation, but got a leadoff walk from Salgado, who advanced on Ramos’ groundout. Fernandez hit a fly to deep left on 0-2, got it over Inoa, and Salgado scored on the RBI double! Wallace and Fowler made casual outs, handing the 3-0 lead to the pen. David Fernandez retired Paul Kuehn, Muro, and Inoa in order in the bottom 8th, setting up Ed Blair unless the Raccoons scored upon Kevin Surginer in the ninth. The right-handed long-time Critter had only signed a few days earlier with the Knights and was making his season debut. Surginer retired Morales and Avakian, but then conceded a double to Tim Stalker. Sergio Ibarra then flubbed Zeltser’s grounder, putting Critters on the corners for Salgado, who popped out. The Knights also got a 2-out hit off Blair, a Thomson single, but Matt Dear’s pop to second was caught by Stalker, putting this one into the books as a Critters W. 3-0 Raccoons. M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B, RBI; Stalker 2-4, 2 2B, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 2 K, W (6-6);

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF Wallace – 2B Vickers – 1B Avakian – 3B Marsingill – P Willes
ATL: CF Muro – LF Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B Zitzner – SS Thomson – C Dear – 3B Maneke – 2B Ibarra – P Warner

The Raccoons’ Colt Willes was yet un-hit upon when a brisk rain shower brought about an hour-long delay in the bottom of the fourth inning. The game was also still scoreless, and when resumed, saw Roy Pincus reach on an error by .133 hitter Justin Marsingill. But there was always Travis Zitzner to rely on – the colossal dork hit into an inning-ending double play.

Marsingill doubled and scored on a 2-out single by Berto in the fifth inning, finally getting a run on the board. The Knights got a fat scoring chance in the bottom 5th without getting a hit still as Willes walked Thomson, fumbled a comebacker by Dear for an error, and then still logged two pops from Maneke and Ibarra before balking the runners into scoring position with Warner at the plate. Warner lined the 2-1 pitch to the right side – but Rich Vickers played spoiler and shagged the ball to end the inning.

Come the sixth, the Raccoons lost Justin Fowler to a groin strain, merely shattering the lineup fully and completely, and Juan Muro hit a leadoff double off Willes, getting rid of that no-hit flair. The run would score on a Vickers error with two outs, fumbling a Zitzner grounder that should have ended the inning. Top 7th, Marsingill leaked a 1-out single to right before Tim Stalker hit for Willes and ripped a double past Gold Glover Chris Maneke. Berto batted with two runners in scoring position and one down, struck out, and Salgado did the same… Oh no, I’m fine. They’re merely killing me…

The Knights then did the rest against Dusty Kulp in the bottom 7th. Maneke walked, PH Paul Kuehn doubled to right, and another pinch-hitter, Brian Eppler, romped a homer to left. That was well enough to win the game for Atlanta; Rich Vickers drove in a token run against George Barnett, plating Wall with two outs in the eighth, but the tying run that came up at that point had Avakian shape, so you knew not to bet on a game-tying event in the inning. He popped out to short, like the ****ing ****ter he was. The tying run came back up in the ninth inning after Tony Morales’ pinch-hit, 1-out double off Brad Santry and the right-hander’s 6.16 ERA. Berto singled to left-center, bringing up the go-ahead run in an 0-4 Salgado, who fanned. Kurt Wall fell to 1-2, missed once more, and that game was over. 4-2 Knights. Ramos 2-5, RBI; Wall 2-5; Fowler 2-3, 2B; Marsingill 2-3, 2B; Stalker (PH) 1-1, 2B; Morales (PH) 1-1, 2B; Willes 6.0 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 5 K and 1-2;

12-4. We out-hit them… 12-4.

TWELVE-FOUR!! (throws a baseball like a girl at the nearest Critter, then clutches shoulder for the shooting pain resulting from it)

In non-psychological damage, Justin Fowler’s groin strain was bad enough to require a DL stint, which Dr. Chung estimated to take us through the All Star break at three weeks. He could heal up in two weeks, Dr. Chung declared, if he wasn’t such a damn sissy!

Another roster move was obviously required, and while I was crying bitter tears over our bereavement, the Raccoons eventually added another outfielder for Sunday, calling up Ed Hooge, last seen here in ’33, who had been batting .329 in partial action for the Alley Cats.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P del Rio
ATL: CF Muro – LF Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B Zitzner – SS Thomson – 3B Maneke – C Kuehn – 2B Greene – P Zaragoza

The nightmare continued unabated with del Rio leaking a single and three walks in the bottom 1st, loading the bases for an in-between double play hit into by – who else – Zitzner. Maneke slapped a 2-run single in a full count, and del Rio fell to 3-2 even against Kuehn, who grounded out to Avakian. That was almost 40 pitches of absolute ****-*** ********ery, and I would make sure he’d learn of my opinion. While Zaragoza, the worst pitcher to come up on the weekend, struck out five the first time through, the Raccoons’ tosser walked another guy in the bottom of the second, then surrendered a third-inning homer to ****ING TRAVIS ZITZNER.

When Avakian hit a leadoff double in a 3-0 deficit in the top 5th, it took two outs and a del Rio single to get him around to score, which was the sort of thing that was draining my will to live away here… Berto then slapped another single, Salgado walked, and Fernandez came up with three on and two outs… and poked the first pitch at Drew Greene to end the inning. del Rio was yanked after five and over 100 pitches, not that it made anything less ****. Garavito replaced him, put Maneke on base with a leadoff single, and then Tony Morales chipped in with a 2-base throwing error on Kuehn’s grounder. Greene chipped an RBI single, Zaragoza bunted Greene to second, and Juan Muro dropped a 2-run single in shallow center. Prieto replaced Garavito, allowed another run to score on a Pincus single, and it was 7-1 when Zitzner struck out to end the ****ING inning. – Oh, very thoughtful. (nods to the Knights’ attendant) I will gladly take a few peaches. I can always use more ammunition.

Further pointless heroics included a 1-out walk by Fernandez in the eighth. Jimmy Wallace seamlessly fed the baseball into a double play, and somehow Zaragoza appeared in the ninth inning despite five hits and four walks against him. He had also whiffed nine. Tony Morales lined out to begin the inning, but Vickers landed a pinch-hit single. Kurt Wall batted for Tim Stalker and doubled. Bob Zeltser singled to right, scoring one run, still not enough to knock out Zaragoza, but Ed Hooge’s RBI double did, bringing about a save situation for the dandy Santry and his six-ish ERA. The Coons had two in scoring position with one out and the top of the order coming up. Berto buried the baseball in the leftfield corner for a 2-run double, reducing the deficit to 7-5, with Hugo Salgado appearing as the tying run. He popped out. And so did Manny Fernandez. For pointless heroics – a 4-run ninth that was entirely for the hairy bum. 7-5 Knights. Ramos 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Wall (PH) 1-1, 2B; Hooge 1-2, RBI;

In other news

June 23 – Only 32 years old, LAP SP Dave Christiansen (6-6, 4.01 ERA) joins the 200-win club with a victorious 6-2 performance against the Capitals, a complete-game 7-hitter with five strikeouts. A career Pacific, Christiansen is 200-95 with a 3.06 ERA overall and has piled up 2,292 strikeouts. He was Pitcher of the Year twice, an All Star eight times, and has three World Series rings, which means there is a legit conversation to be had about his Hall of Fame candidacy even now.

Complaints and stuff

Justin Fowler moving to the DL is another dagger in the side we didn’t really need. Like, at all. Not the season I envisioned. Now eight games behind the damn Elks.

THE DAMN ELKS.

Dave Christiansen has led the FL in wins six times, in strikeouts three times, but only once in ERA, and that year (2027) snugly fit into the whole while he went 6-for-7 in the wins title, so he’s never won a triple crown.

I have a problem. I mean, I have many, but this is about the rotation and not about rampant substance abuse and anger issues. Flames licked his body in his first rehab start, but ultimately we have to bring back Raffaello Sabre, but – realistically – who gets bumped from the rotation? I mean, the obvious choice would be Bernie Chavez, but he was THIRD in ERA last year, and that can’t all have been a fluke, can it? Darren Brown would be an obvious choice, and I can’t stand him, but he has a 2.27 ERA and has to be doing *something* right…

Rendon has to stay in the rotation because he is not paid like a long reliever. He’s paid like two All Stars. That gets us down to Willes and del Rio, and the latter is already an ***hole as things are. Can he crank the prickitude up to 11 if moved to the bullpen? After Wednesday at least, nobody’s married to Chris Miller any more than we were to … what was the name of the other guy? … Robby Ciampa? – Thanks, Rodrigo. I tend to forget the names of not-so-important people. – Oh. Sorry. *Cristiano*.

Fun Fact: Kevin Surginer has signed a 1-year deal after the start of the season for the fourth year in a row, and for the second time with the Knights.

That’s only 31 games pitched combined between the three previous years, a far cry from the steady workhorse he was with the Raccoons.

Surginer appeared in 503 games (all but one emergency start in relief) in his eight years (2023 to 2030) with Portland, the 12th-most (tied with Kisho Saito) appearances for a pitcher in franchise history, and second-most behind Scott Wade for pitchers that made at least one start for the team.

He went 34-31 with 10 saves in those eight years, pitching 512.1 innings and whiffing 518 batters. Ever since, luck has however clearly deserted him…

[Questdog]

Maybe it is a good time to trade del Rio.....

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

Maybe it is a good time to trade del Rio.....

What will you give me for him? Other than the same look that the other 23 GMs did. And yes, he will pee on your floor, too, not because he can't help himself, but because he enjoys it.

Okay, 22 GMs, but I'm not looking forward to add the $11M+ left on Zach Warner's contract, who the Warriors moved to the pen.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (33-40) @ Aces (34-41) – June 25-27, 2035

Portland’s most expensive and disappointing joyride would bumble on to Vegas after having been thoroughly rounded up in Atlanta. The Aces were also seven games under .500, but already 14 games out in the South, where there was at least one team that was indeed pretending to have ambitions. They were fourth in runs scored, but lacked any sort of pitching worth the name, surrendering almost 4.7 runs per game to give it all back again. They were up 2-1 in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Darren Brown (3-1, 2.27 ERA) vs. John Jackson (4-7, 4.35 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (6-5, 3.27 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (3-8, 5.15 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-6, 4.25 ERA) vs. Chris Crowell (6-6, 3.47 ERA)

Both teams had only right-handed starters, not only in this series, but … at all.

And now we’d see whether the Raccoons could win a game without Justin Fowler in the cleanup spot…….. at all.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Brown
LVA: CF M. Hall – C Horner – LF Salto – 2B Briones – 1B Stedham – RF J. Simmons – 3B Carman – SS Schneider – P J. Jackson

An Adam Avakian homer erased a first-inning deficit when he led off the second inning with what astronomers described as a rare conjunction only seen once every month or so – his fifth homer of the year, now on pace for a lofty ten or so. Actually, Darren Brown right now seemed to be the bigger problem; besides bunting into a double play in the top 2nd, he had already given up a run on four hard balls and three base hits (all singles, but still…) in the bottom 1st. Mike Hall had scored on Graciano Salto’s single to initially give the Aces the lead. On to the third, where Hall and Salto were on the corners with two outs, only for Brown to serve up a 2-out, 2-run double in the gap to Mario Briones. Jesse Stedham popped out, but the Aces had seven hits off Brown in just three innings.

Tim Stalker hit into a double play after the fourth inning began with Tony Morales reaching on an error and Avakian drawing four clumsy balls. That surely helped rallying! Bob Zeltser flew out to Justin Simmons in right, and Morales was left on third base. Every night’s a rerun now! Bottom 4th, Simmons single, Vince Carman double play bouncer to Ramos. Truth be told – both teams were well under .500, and they both deserved it… It was just that the Raccoons deserved it a little more. Brown kept getting pummeled, conceding an RBI triple with two outs to Salto in the bottom 5th, with Adam Horner scoring from first base while Hugo Salgado scurried after the baseball in the rightfield corner. I blame the obnoxious young Aces fan that dropped a hot dog wrapper over the fence, and of course Salgado would stop and smell it…!

Somehow, the Critters kept bringing the tying run to the plate, even though they least deserved it. In the seventh, Ed Hooge reached on a fumble error by Brian Schneider when he hit for Brown, and then Berto walked, which knocked out Jackson at least… Right-hander Jeremy Wallis would see after Salgado, who lined out to Briones, and Fernandez, who snuck an RBI single up the middle. Jimmy Wallace walked in a full count, loading the bases for Tony Morales with two gone. The Aces were entirely fine with having Wallis pick the recent debutee with all of 41 career at-bats to his name, his .341 clip be damned. He poked the 2-1 pitch over the infield, it dinked into shallow left – Berto in to score, Manny right behind him, and we had a tied ballgame!! …and then Avakian, the lousy excuse of a ballplayer, shoddily flew out to Salto in left…

Vegas then fumbled a 1-out triple by Hall in the bottom 7th that would have been an F7 if we weren’t playing a guy with the defensive qualities of a mummy out there. Dusty Kulp, who was on the mound, dug in, fanned Horner, then walked Salto with nothing but crap. That brought up Briones, much less of a threat, and he grounded out to short, stranding Aces on the corners. Bottom 8th, we began with David Fernandez against Stedham, who was pinch-hit for by righty poker Justin LeClerc, who promptly hit a leadoff single against our southpaw. Chris Wise came in like a fire engine, got PH Tony Salinas to pop out, then a 6-4-3 double play from Carman, keeping the game tied. After the top of the order couldn’t be bothered in the top of the ninth, Wise remained in the game for the bottom of the inning, where it was imperative – WILL you please not let Brian Schneider hit such a drive that chases Wallace to the warning track at his very own pace?? … at least he caught it! Where was I? Ah right. Imperative to – WISE!! That’s another long drive to left surrendered to Justin Nelson! … and that one was actually over the wall, too. 5-4 Aces. M. Fernandez 3-5, RBI; Morales 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI;

Sigh.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Rendon
LVA: CF M. Hall – C Horner – LF Salto – 2B Briones – 1B Stedham – 3B Carman – RF E. Martin – SS Schneider – P Klages

The Aces were dealt cards first again, with a Briones homer putting them up 1-0 in the bottom 2nd. A leadoff single by our hurler, a wild pitch, and a 2-out blooper that Salto pulled up on at the last second would tie the game again in the following half-inning, with Manny Fernandez banking his 32nd RBI of the year, or twice as many as Adam Avakian… The Coons didn’t get that many chances to begin with, and then were also good at throwing them away. Salgado was picked off first base in the opening frame, and Tim Stalker was thrown out in a hit-and-run when Bob Zeltser fell asleep, ending the fourth inning. To emotionally compensate, they napped for several innings after that…

Gilberto Rendon battled the Aces to a draw through seven innings and over 96 pitches. Vickers hit for him to lead off the top 8th, but flew out to left. Berto flew out to Evan Martin, remaining hitless in the series. Hugo Salgado got drilled by Klages, which was at least a baserunner of any kind, but Fernandez popped out against lefty reliever Casey McQueen… Bottom 8th, Morales threw out his first-ever base stealer, striking down the ambitions of Bob Cruz, who had walked against that great investment Chris Miller. On to the ninth, where Wallace began with a poor out against another southpaw, Seth Odum, and his ERA pushing seven. Kurt Wall hit for Morales for a platoon advantage and singled, and then we sent ****ing Justin Marsingill to bat for Avakian because maybe lightning would hit the same sort of fools twice – and it DID!! Marsingill roped the 1-0 down the rightfield line, into the corner, Martin played it poorly, and the Raccoons took the lead on a pinch-hit RBI triple by the forgettable backup infielder …! Tim Stalker dropped an RBI single for an extra run, giving Ed Blair a cushion in the bottom 9th. He walked Horner to get going, then got two on Salto’s grounder to Berto, and the third when Briones rolled over to Stalker. 3-1 Coons. M. Fernandez 2-4, RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1; Marsingill (PH) 1-1, 3B, RBI; Stalker 2-4, RBI; Rendon 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 5 K and 1-2;

Losing streak broken – again. I may sound ridiculous here, but how about actually rallying from here…? Let’s start with a series win! Wouldn’t that be awesome?

LOOK UP FROM YOUR FOOD BOWLS WHEN I’M INSPIRING YOU!! (kicks Avakian’s food bowl into the corner, immediately sending everyone into a bickering frenzy)

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – CF M. Fernandez – RF Salgado – 1B Avakian – C Wall – LF Hooge – 3B Marsingill – P Chavez
LVA: CF M. Hall – C Horner – LF Salto – 2B Briones – 1B Stedham – RF J. Simmons – 3B B. Cruz – SS Schneider – P Crowell

Avakian stepped in with Berto, Vickers, and Salgado on base, two outs, and no score on the board. Crowell got him to 1-2 before he snapped a ball into play, a soft fly to shallow left, and Salto got there without issue, sending everybody back to the dugout. Lovely chap. I’m totally not going to strangle him in the locker room after the game. Salto instead doubled home Hall with two outs in the bottom 3rd, and the Raccoons AGAIN had to take this one coming from behind…

…and rally attempts for the Portlanders would be few and far between. In the fifth, Berto hit a 1-out single, stole second, and was stranded because neither Vickers nor Fernandez could pick a hit from their pointy black noses. In the sixth, Avakian drew a walk, which was not something he fancied doing with the bases loaded, with one down. Wall flew out, but Ed Hooge doubled to left. Even with two outs, Avakian wasn’t going to score on the play. The Aces walked Marsingill intentionally, then sent a fresh righty, Felipe Jacquez, after Bernie, who had yet to keep pitching, but then we also needed the runs, and everything was horrible. Bernie batted, poked the 0-1 up the third base line, and was easily retired. He pitched into the seventh before giving up singles through the left side with one down to both Schneider and LeClerc… and then a 2-run triple into the nook in rightfield to Mike Hall. After a distinct yanking sound, Garavito surrendered the run on a Horner groundout, and the Coons were buried, four down, and after Mike Hall’s 2-out, 2-run blast off Dusty Kulp in the bottom 8th, six down! 6-0 Aces. Ramos 3-4, BB; Hooge 1-2, BB;

Words are insufficient to describe how I feel.

…which is why I drew something. (turns around a scrapbook to reveal what looks like a thousand lightning bolts all intertwined)

Raccoons (34-42) @ Titans (40-38) – June 28-July 1, 2035

Modest consolation – I was probably right about the Titans’ days being over. The problem was just that if we actually won a few games from them (bold assumption) we’d help the damn ELKS…! Boston was seventh in runs scored, fourth in runs allowed, their run differential was only +16, they had only a 4-3 edge over the Critters in the season series, and it was all a bit meh for them. A couple of players on the CL, but none greater than Jeff Dykstra. All the key personnel, f.e. .222 hitter Keith Spataro, was ready to take the Raccoons completely apart over a long weekend set.

Projected matchups:
Colt Willes (5-7, 3.72 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (7-5, 3.61 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-7, 4.13 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (0-1, 9.00 ERA)
Darren Brown (3-1, 2.76 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (4-6, 2.99 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (6-5, 3.11 ERA) vs. Tim Wells (5-3, 3.01 ERA)

Except for Willett, those were all southpaws. Gonzalez had just come back from rehab; his first start had been … not ideal.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 1B Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Morales – CF Pinkerton – 3B Zeltser – P Willes
BOS: SS Gil – 1B J. Elder – RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF Walberg – P T. Chavez

Willes’ first inning was … “interesting”. He walked Antonio Gil, also Jay Elder, threw a wild pitch over a leaping Morales, conceded a run on a groundout, and ultimately another one … on a passed ball. Somehow, he also struck out three Titans. Trailing, we were at least in usual territory. We knew that corner of the scoreboard like our home… Jim Young led off the bottom 2nd with a single, and Clay Walberg hit a comebacker… that Willes fudged into an error. Tony Chavez bunted to the right side, where Salgado missed the bad bunt that was popped way too hard, and while Stalker corralled it, he then threw it behind the hustling Willes for another error. Alright – ballgame! I’m at the nearest public house! … The Titans didn’t score in the inning, though, with Gil fanning, and Jay Elder hitting into a 6-4-3 double play… and on a 3-1 pitch, too.

Chavez retired the first seven Critters before Zeltser hit a double to left. Willes dropped a bloop single, and Berto singled over Gil to bring in Zeltser for the first Portland run. Walker stalked in a full count, filling them up for Salgado, who tied the game with a single to left…! Manny Fernandez then poked into a comebacker that saw Berto slain at home plate, but Chavez continued to be just as outta whack as Willes and walked Wallace in a full count and with two outs, pushing home Stalker with the go-ahead run. Morales slapped in two more runs with a single to right before the inning ended with a K to Preston Pinkerton. Suddenly, Portland was up 5-2! After Willes didn’t give it all back right away, the Coons even tacked on in the fourth, Zeltser and Ramos both landing singles before Stalker tripled them home with a near-shot to centerfield. That was the end for Tony Chavez, replaced by Wyatt Hamill, another southpaw, who fanned Salgado and got Manny to ground out.

Of course the early escapades had also eaten into Willes’ pitch count and we tried to get him through six, but it just wouldn’t work out. He walked Spataro (…!) in a full count with one out in the sixth, then conceded that run after a passed ball and a Young single. The Raccoons countered with two runs off Jesse Erickson in the eighth inning, and one of those came on a passed ball, too, so somehow, everybody was awful… Rhett West hit a solo homer off Chris Miller in the bottom of the inning, but a string of singles by Salgado, Fernandez, and Marsingill gave the Critters a run in the top 9th before Bob Zeltser also cracked a 2-out, 2-run double off Robby Gonzalez to conclude the rout. 12-4 Raccoons! Ramos 2-5, RBI; Marsingill (PH) 1-1; Morales 3-5, 3 RBI; Zeltser 4-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-2, RBI;

I have a hunch that over the next three games they will now make up for the barrage and score a grand total of negative four runs.

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – 1B Salgado – C Wall – LF Wallace – 2B Vickers – CF Hooge – 3B Marsingill – RF Pinkerton – P del Rio
BOS: SS Gil – 1B J. Elder – RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF M. Walker – P M. Gonzalez

Justin Marsingill remained surprisingly useful, doubling home Jimmy Wallace with a second-inning double and two outs, but when he came back to the plate in the fourth, following a sad pop by Ed Hooge, with two out and Wallace and Vickers on the corners, he gently rolled out to Rhett West. That kept us in a 1-0 game. Another two were stranded in the top 5th; Stalker and Salgado had both singled with two outs, but Kurt Wall grounded out sharply to Keith Spataro.

1-0 ceased to be and became 2-0 in the sixth inning. Jimmy Wallace led off with his third soft single of the game, then chugged all around the bases on Ed Hooge’s triple in the deepest depths (434’) of centerfield. Marsingill now fanned, nobody pitched to Pinkerton, but del Rio hit a dying quail into shallow center that got Hooge home to make it 3-0. Stalker then got rung up, stranding another pair. The Titans didn’t scratch out a run until the seventh, and then it inevitably started with our personal doombringer on this team, Spataro, who legged out an infield single to begin the inning, Jim Young also singled, and the Critters couldn’t turn two on Mark Walker’s grounder, allowing Spataro to score from third base. Del Rio’s run ended the following inning after a 1-out walk to Jay Elder (who was run for by Clay Walberg) and a Moises Avila single. David Fernandez appeared to pitch to Willie Vega, but the Titans sent *Ivan* Vega instead, a righty pinch-hitter, who nevertheless pushed the first pitch over to Vickers for a 4-6-3 inning-ender. The Critters failed to make an impact with righty Tim Zimmerman in the ninth, leaving Ed Blair with a 3-1 lead. He walked Spataro to begin the bottom 9th. Always Spataro! Rhett West fanned, Spataro stole second, taking away the double play on Young’s grounder to Vickers, which resulted in the second, but not the third out. That was left to Mark Walker, who struck out. 3-1 Coons. Wallace 3-4; Avakian (PH) 1-1; del Rio 7.1 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (6-7) and 1-3, RBI;

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – LF Wallace – RF Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Avakian – 3B Zeltser – P Brown
BOS: SS Gil – 1B J. Elder – RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF Walberg – P Willett

While Berto and Vickers reached the corners to begin the game, drawing a walk and hitting a single, respectively, Wallace’s K and Salgado’s double play bouncer kept the Coons off the board in the first inning. Not so the Titans – Brown walked two and allowed as many hits, including a 2-out, 2-run single to Rhett West after surprisingly enough Spataro had grounded into a force at home plate ahead of him. Manny drew a leadoff walk in the top 2nd, and at 3-1 Tony Morales hit into a double play. He needed to learn some patience – and fast! Bottom 2nd, leadoff single for Walberg, then a misplayed bunt by Brown, who also walked Gil. Three on, no outs, and this game was decisively moving towards the L column. A mound visit was followed by Jay Elder’s RBI single. Avila lined out, but Vega drew a walk in a full count, pushing home Willett to make it 4-0. That was the end for Darren Brown – not because he was yanked yet, although it was sure close! – who called for the trainer and seemed to have discomfort in his back. Dr. Chung checked, but found no shrapnel damage. It took some begging on Darren Brown’s part to be allowed to leave the game…

Chris Miller inherited the bases loaded with one out, walked Spataro for a fifth run in 1.1 innings on Brown, then fanned West and Young to get out of the dismal charade of an inning. Miller loaded the bases AGAIN in the bottom 3rd – Walberg double, walks to Gil and Elder, and again only one out. The bases loaded situation eased up with a passed ball charged to Morales, who to me seemed to get the jitters in such spots, and I was trying hard to chalk it up to inexperience. Miller walked Avila to restock the bases, gave up a run on a sac fly, and somehow Wallace caught a totally easy fly from Spataro to strand two Titans in a 7-0 bludgeoning. That was mostly it about the game… Morales doubled home Salgado in the fourth to get the Critters on the board, but … eh! Eh!! … Miller lasted two innings, walking FIVE, before being disposed of. Antonio Prieto came after him and managed 1.2 innings, two hits, two walks, a wild pitch, and two runs batted in by Rhett West in the bottom 5th… Come the seventh, Fernandez and Morales reached base to begin the inning against an otherwise very dominant Willett. Avakian hit into a double play, and I released the kind of scream that comes right from the bottom of your soul as you see your family being eaten by hyenas in the lush grasslands of Africa, 35,000 BC. Zeltser popped out to strand Manny on third base. The massacre was bad enough that the bottom 8th brought that special sort of treasure – a pitching appearance by Preston Pinkerton, facing the 6-7-8 batters. He allowed a double to West, walked Young, then watched helplessly as Morales threw a grounder away for a 2-base error. Ivan Vega singled to left to score two, and then Pinkerton finally got an out, handling Gil’s bunt to kill the lead runner at second base. After another passed ball and two more base hits by Elder and Vega, Pinkerton was hauled in, having gotten Avila to pop out, but little else. Dusty Kulp then got a pop from Spataro to end the drama. 13-2 Titans. Ramos 2-3, BB, 2B; Morales 2-4, 2B, RBI;

THIRTEEN walks. And only one of them by Pinkerton.

THIRTEEN.

(rips the oxygen mask from Darren Brown’s snout and aggravatedly breathes into it himself)

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – 2B Stalker – LF Hooge – RF Pinkerton – 3B Zeltser – P Rendon
BOS: SS Gil – 1B J. Elder – RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF Walberg – P Wells

Manny Fernandez hit a massive 2-run homer in the opening frame, collecting Berto and his leadoff single for the early lead. In the bottom 1st, Jay Elder touched Rendon for a solo shot, though. Ed Hooge and Kurt Wall for Portland and Willie Vega for Boston made bids in the next few innings, but all had their drives caught at the fence. Offense remained low on the board, neither team managing a fourth hit through four innings, but Clay Walberg hit a leadoff single over Stalker’s head in the bottom 5th. Wells then failed to get a bunt down at all, eventually poking at a 2-2 pitch that also went to Stalker, but in double play grounder form. Rendon expressed his relief by exuberantly nailing Antonio Gil. Jay Elder struck out, keeping it 2-1 Coons through five.

Wells left with an injury after Manny’s leadoff single in the sixth. Fernandez stole second on Robby Gonzalez’ watch, then eventually scored on Hooge’s 2-out single, 3-1. Hooge also stole second, and also scored on a 2-out single, now by Preston Pinkerton, who still looked shaken from last night’s pitching enema. Zeltser popped out to end the inning, and Rendon’s day ended after six innings with nine strikeouts, but also almost 100 pitches. There was no point not to hit for him in the leadoff spot in the top 7th. Vickers got nailed in his stead, but the Critters never moved that runner past first base in the inning, then had to patch three innings from a pen that had been razed to the ground the day before. Walberg and David Lessman promptly reached against an inside-out David Fernandez, who couldn’t find the zone. Chris Wise entered with Avakian in a double switch, but allowed a 2-out, 2-strike RBI single to Elder before Avila grounded out, now in a 4-2 game. Tim Stalker got the run back with a solo homer off Tim Zimmerman in the eighth – and singles by the shambles brigade of Hooge and Pinkerton put runners on the corners for Zeltser, who grounded out to Jay Elder. Pinkerton legged out the throw to second base easily, and Hooge scored anyway. Avakian then had a guy in scoring position … and struck out on three pitches. Still steadfastly on pace for 32 RBI!!

But the Titans weren’t dead yet. Wise allowed a walk, and Garavito conceded two 2-out singles to get that run onto Wise’s ledger. With PH Ivan Vega at the plate and Young and Walberg on base in the 6-3 battle, Ed Blair took over for a 4-out save, hopefully. Vega grounded out to short for a solid start. The Raccoons were back on the corners with nobody out in the ninth against closer Jermaine Campbell. Berto singled, stole his 25th base, then moved up on Marsingill’s single to shallow left, Marsingill having entered in the second double switch of the game, playing third base in place of Zelts. And yet, the dismal Coons didn’t score. Fernandez grounded out in unhelpful fashion, Wall was walked intentionally, and then Campbell fanned both Stalker and PH Tony Morales. Instead of a knockout base hit, the Coons got Jimmy Wallace in leftfield for the final half-inning. He got Gil’s pop to shallow left, but not Avila’s double, which followed a full-count walk to Jay Elder. Blair fanned Vega, who was the tying run, but that brought up Spataro, the Menace. The count ran full, Spataro hit a duck snort to shallow left-center, and that was always going to be two runs in that spot… Rhett West, batting a stiff .223, came up as the winning run. He popped out to Ramos. 6-5 Critters. Ramos 2-5; Marsingill 1-1; M. Fernandez 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Hooge 2-4, RBI; Pinkerton 2-4, RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, W (7-5) and 0-0, BB;

In other news

June 29 – Not intending to stop winning anytime soon, LAP SP Dave Christiansen (7-6, 3.72 ERA) battles down the Warriors for a 3-hit shutout with 7 K in a 1-0 Pacifics win. LAP OF Tom Dunlap (.277, 5 HR, 29 RBI) takes care of the offense with a home run for the only scoreboard marker of the game.
June 30 – PIT 2B/SS Jim McKenzie (.254, 10 HR, 40 RBI) falls a triple shy of the cycle and drives in six runs in the Miners’ 15-5 spanking of the Rebels, in which Pittsburgh breaks a seventh-inning tie with ten runs in the bottom of the inning, including McKenzie’s grand slam off RIC MR Travis Green (1-2, 4.97 ERA, 3 SV).
July 1 – SFW SP Jimmy Souders (3-3, 3.71 ERA) will miss two months with elbow inflammation.

Complaints and stuff

Man, our starting pitcher crunch dissolved in style this week, huh? Darren Brown will be out at least two months, so that brings Sabre back in.

Somehow, this shoddy makeshift wannabe assembly of water-treaders is still only six games out in the division. Nobody seems to want to win it! Oh if only we could start a winning streak of some length for once…!

Robby Ciampa has found a fourth place to make impact at this year. It’s the DL. After tossing balls for Tijuana, Portland, and Denver, he’s now out with a torn rotator cuff. Overall he was 5-1 with a 4.41 ERA. We got the very worst of his efforts, and it wasn’t even close: an 11.37 ERA to behold.

The international free agent pool opened shop on Sunday. We have some coin – investing them into reinforcements for the major league team seems to be of questionable merit – and no restrictions after going easy last year. Talk is all about 16-year-old Venezuelan middle infielder “King” Gonzalez, a very modest boy. Think Ramos, but a bit more clumsy, and then you get a general idea about his skill set. I also hear the only other English word besides “king” that he knows is “millions”.

The final week before the All Star Game is up. We will have the Crusaders at home, then hop over the border into Elkland for the last annual visit there. And then it is of course the Crusaders again right after the All Star Game in the traditional four-and-four scheduling around the break. After that trip to New York we’ll have a 2-week homestand. The Falcons will be in on the first weekend, and we’ll have a free shirt on Friday, and then Adam Avakian bobbleheads on Saturday, the 21st! … Grab them… while they’re hot? I don’t know… we ordered them from some sweatshop in Taiwan in March. Who would’ve known…?

Fun Fact: Six years ago today, LAP Chris McEwen hit three homers in an 8-2 win over the Warriors.

That is almost the lone highlight in 12-year professional career that nevertheless saw the 35-year-old amass only 5 1/2 years of major league service time, and he’s currently with the Pacifics’ AAA team, the Loganville Bombardiers, after not sticking with either the Gold Sox or Caps since his July 1, 2029 outburst. A career .245 hitter with 47 homers and 268 RBI in 636 games, McEwen nevertheless has won a Gold Glove (2027), two rings (2027, 2030, but NOT 2026!), and was named 2030 FLCS MVP.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (37-43) vs. Crusaders (39-42) – July 2-5, 2035

Two teams waiting for a bus that would never arrive, and that over four games – what a treat for Portlanders. We have – no! Quit it! No, Berto, no! Stop climbing up my leg! What, Cristiano? – Yes, I said “treat”. – (rolls eyes) Here, Berto, here you have half my cookie. – Okay, here’s the rest. – Maud! Berto ate my cookie …!

Where was I except in a mental institution? The Crusaders were actually pounding out the runs, ranking second in markers in the CL, but were conceding just as many. Interestingly, both these teams had positive run differentials, +3 for New York and +11 for Portland. The Coons led the season series, 2-1.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (6-7, 4.34 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (5-3, 4.71 ERA)
Colt Willes (6-7, 3.69 ERA) vs. Keith Black (4-5, 4.24 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-2, 2.96 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (2-7, 5.01 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (6-7, 3.92 ERA) vs. Jamie O’Leary (2-4, 5.26 ERA)

O’Leary was the only southpaw here.

Game 1
NYC: CF Sung – 1B J. Lopez – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Chavira – LF Damron – 3B B. Moore – C Hurley – SS Schlegelmilch – P Hicks
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Avakian – CF Hooge – 3B Zeltser – P Chavez

Starting with Bill Moore’s error that put Berto on base to begin the bottom 1st, the Coons followed up Vickers’ strikeout with a string of singles. Wallace drove in Berto, who had stolen second base for his 26th bag of the year, Manny singled, and Morales also pushed a single through the left side, plating Wallace. Then came Avakian, comebacker, 1-6-3, back to the dugout. Oh for crying out loud! And there would be more crying to do, given that Bernie Chavez retired about nobody in the second inning. Keith Damron opened with a double to right-center, and then it went single, single, single, single – clean through the pitcher’s spot – until the Crusaders had a 3-2 lead and runners on the corners with nobody out. Yeong-ha Sung popped out, but Ted Schlegelmilch would score on Johnny Lopez’ grounder to right that luckily hit Joe Hicks in the leg for the second out, which we otherwise never would have gotten. Mario Hurtado grounded out, ending a disastrous 4-run second…

Not that it got better afterwards… Vinny Chavira opened the third with a double to left that did have a certain Wallace factor, but in the end it was Bernie Chavez that was execrable, and more than words could say. Damron singled, Moore hit into a run-scoring double play, and then Ryan Hurley hit another double. Schlegelmilch was walked intentionally to get a K from Hicks… Sung’s leadoff double in the fourth was the 10th and final base hit off a disgustingly pathetic Bernie Chavez. That run would eventually score against Dusty Kulp, putting the Raccoons down 6-2. Oh, the joys of booze with a few rusty nails at the bottom of the bottle…

The rest of the game was as dull as any contest that was decidedly over. The Crusaders got a run off useless Chris Miller in the sixth. The Portland Riff-Raff got a run on Manny Fernandez’ solo homer in the seventh. The Crusaders got that back in the eighth against Prieto and Garavito, neither of whom were proficient at retiring anybody. In the ninth, Preston Pinkerton took the mound – it was that phase of the season where we just couldn’t find anybody else with an arm still attached. Bill Moore singled off him, and Schlegelmilch walked. With two outs, Jarod Howden pinch-hit, the dumb pig, fell to 0-2, and it wouldn’t have been beneath him to strike out here, but he poked a grounder to Ramos to save *some* face, and that was still more than the Raccoons could say of their black-and-white visages, and this despite a bottom 9th that saw Ed Hooge nail a 2-run homer off Tony Fuentes. The end result was the same, another sad-sack loss. 8-5 Crusaders. M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, RBI; Kulp 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

That was the last Coons effort for Chris Miller who after coming over in a garbage trade with Cincy not even four weeks ago had been nothing but garbage, 1-1 with a 4.58 ERA in nine games and 17.2 innings. Since nobody wanted his bum in a trade that wasn’t for another bum, he was waived and DFA’ed on Tuesday.

The Raccoons called up Nick Bates, who had well-known flaws, but it wasn’t like we were fighting for the playoffs…

Game 2
NYC: CF Sung – 1B J. Lopez – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – LF Damron – 3B B. Moore – RF Camps – SS Schlegelmilch – P Black
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hooge – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 1B Avakian – 3B Zeltser – P Willes

Manny Fernandez came up with two on and one out in the bottom 1st, hit into a double play, then came back with three on and two outs in the bottom 3rd, and thankfully snuck a grounder through the left side to score Willes and Hooge for the first runs in the game. Tony Morales then hit a deep fly to right, but ex-Coon Juan Camps caught it at the fence to send the Coons back to the dugout. At that point, New York had no hits off Colt Willes, who needed to last a while given the stage of our pen (even Nick Bates had not arrived rested). Wallace even got a deep fly by Danny Monge to end the fourth, with Willes on one walk and six strikeouts. He struck out Damron, Moore, and Camps in order in the fifth, which was surely getting his pitch count up there. The no-hitter went with Ted Schlegelmilch’s single leading off the sixth, and then Keith Black dropped a single in front of a confused Jimmy Wallace, too. Sung bunted both over, and Johnny Lopez legged out a roller near the third base line for an infield single, but the other runners had to hold, loading the bases. After an extensive mound conference Willes got Hurtado to 0-2, but couldn’t put him away. Hurtado put the 0-2 in play, a grounder to Stalker, and the following moves had been executed hundreds of times – Stalker to Ramos to the dunce at first base, double play, inning over.

Said dunce came to the plate with two outs and Tim Stalker at third base in the bottom 6th. Stalker had just tripled in Manny Fernandez, putting the Coons up 3-0. Avakian got him home… sort of… not in an RBI sense according to the rule book, though… when Sung dropped his ****ty floater to shallow center, and Stalker scored on the error. Up 4-0, Willes got through eight innings on 105 pitches, which was not really the safe zone to comfortably have him face the middle of the order in the ninth inning. He came back out anyway, getting Lopez to ground out in a full count. Hurtado popped out, but Monge singled. Keith Damron was the last batter he’d face, ran a full count, then shot a ball to the left side. BOB ZELTSER! A dive, a pop, a spin, a throw – and an out! Ballgame! 4-0 Furballs! Hooge 2-4; Wallace 2-3, BB; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2 RBI; Willes 9.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 10 K, W (7-7) and 1-3;

Boy, we needed that. This was Willes’ fourth career shutout and 18th complete game, the first of each as a Critter. He had gone as far down as a 3-hitter against the Rebels in 2030 when he was with the Caps.

These heroics helped mostly reset the Coons’ pen, and we felt a bit more comfortable about Raffaello Sabre’s first game off the DL and out of rehab, and rehab hadn’t been great for him with an ERA over five…

Game 3
NYC: CF Sung – 1B J. Lopez – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – LF Veraart – SS J. Brown – P J. Martin
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hooge – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 1B Avakian – 3B Zeltser – P Sabre

Turns out, starting in the majors also didn’t go great for Sabre. He walked Sung and Hurtado, served up screamers to Monge for a 2-run double, and then also to Bill Moore for a 2-run homer, and that was only the FIRST inning. Bottom of the inning, Berto with a leadoff walk and a stolen base, his 27th, then to third base on Wallace’s single to right – there was no joking about Chavira’s arm out there… Manny Fernandez’ gapper for a 2-run triple sure helped cope, and Morales’ sac fly narrowed the gap to 4-3. Stalker singled, but Avakian predictably grounded out.

Then, the next impact we didn’t need. Berto hit a double in the bottom 2nd with two outs, but then stood at second base bent over and grimacing. I spontaneously fainted, while Dr. Chung annoyedly went out there to check whether Ramos had at least severe internal bleeding and it was all worth the bother. Berto came out eventually, with Vickers batting first and playing second, and Stalker sliding over to short. Hooge flew out to strand the runner.

By the time I regained consciousness and was handed another bottle by Slappy, very kind, thanks, Slappy, Sabre was out of the game after allowing another run on straight 2-out singles in the fifth inning that had given New York a 5-3 lead. I was barely done blinking confusedly when Ed Hooge blasted a 3-1 pitch for a game-tying 2-run homer in the bottom 5th, collecting Vickers with his second blast of the year, making it five-all here. Prieto and David Fernandez pitched some neat relief for Portland, after which PH Justin Marsingill and the injury replacement Vickers hit back-to-back 1-out singles off Gabe McGill in the bottom 7th to go to the corners. Hooge hit another deep fly to center, but this one was playable and caught by Sung – though Marsingill scored to give Portland a 6-5 lead. Wallace grounded out to end the inning. We then watched Dusty Kulp get broken up. The Crusaders scraped out his innards with a 2-out walk drawn by Howden, the dumb pig, then three singles by Sung, Lopez, and Hurtado, flipping the score to 7-6 before Monge struck out. That was not the death knell yet – Tony Morales hit a 420-footer off Fuentes in the bottom of the inning, leveling the score at seven! Stalker followed up with a 1-out single… and Avakian did his best and hit into a double play. (breaks the TV remote in half) Ed Blair could keep all his holes closed in the top 9th, presenting the team with a walkoff opportunity before they would inevitably lose in extras. Zeltser flew out, Wall walked, and Vickers hit into a double play. More booze, Slappy, I need more booze. Or maybe I just need more rat poison in the booze… What do you think?

Nick Bates got the 10th. Schlegelmilch made the first out to Stalker before Sung flew to center and Hooge dropped the ball for a 2-base error. That’s how losses are made! Lopez fanned, but Hurtado walked, bringing up Ryan Hurley, hitting .373 in selected action. Bates rung him up. Wallace and Morales hit singles in the bottom 10th, but Ronnie Veraart would catch Stalker’s 2-out fly to end the inning, then homered off Bates in the 11th… and with Moore on base. Bottom 11th, Mike Hugh’s second inning of work. Avakian flew to right where Camps had the ball clonk off his wrist for an error. Zeltser hit into a double play… ****ing ****heads… Preston Pinkerton was the last guy left on the bench and hit for Bates in the bottom 11th, and should they still scratch out two runs here, somehow, he’d also pitch the 12th …! While the thought probably scared him to death, Hugh was still wildening up and walked him to keep the inning going for Vickers. But Vickers grounded out to Lopez, and that was it… 9-7 Crusaders. Ramos 1-1, BB, 2B; Vickers 2-4; Wallace 2-5; Morales 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-5; Marsingill (PH) 1-1;

Who needs a rested pen…

Or Berto… how bad is it, Dr. Chung? – I know, I know, they’re all sissies. – But how *bad* is it? – Will he live? – Can he play? – I know, none of them can play all that well…

Berto would be day-to-day with a mild abdominal strain for the rest of the week and would not be in the lineup at least on Thursday against the southpaw O’Leary, and we expected to face two more of those on the weekend in Elk City. As of now, Berto had appeared in all games this year.

Our lineups are getting weirder…

Game 4
NYC: 3B B. Moore – 1B J. Lopez – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – RF Chavira – LF Damron – CF Veraart – SS Schlegelmilch – P O’Leary
POR: 2B Vickers – 3B Marsingill – LF Hooge – C Wall – CF M. Fernandez – SS Stalker – RF Pinkerton – 1B Salgado – P del Rio

Two offensive lineups that had exhausted themselves in the series poked away at each other inefficiently. Both starters only had two strikeouts through five innings, but del Rio had only allowed two hits, and only four were charged to ex-Coon O’Leary. The Coons had reached third base twice, in the bottom 1st and bottom 3rd, but both times had left the guy stranded. They reached third base again in the sixth after Marsingill reached on a Moore error, Wall was walked with intent, and Manny Fernandez was walked without. Stalker came up with one out and three aboard, popped out, and that brought up Pinkerton, who grounded the ball up the middle. Schlegelmilch dove, the ball dinked off his glove and was deflected into centerfield, and two runs scored on a lucky bounce. Salgado grounded out, stranding two, but at least we had the lead and del Rio was totally in control of this ga-

Johnny Lopez opened the seventh by drilling the very first pitch into the gap. It was extra bases, but Manny cut the ball off before it reached the warning track, but Lopez aimed for third base and a leadoff triple – he would be denied by a strong throw that axed him down on Marsingill’s tag a split second before he could put his dirty fingers on the bag. The Crusaders ended the inning with groundouts, then got Chavira on base with a leadoff single in the eighth. Keith Damron ripped a disturbingly loud homer, and the game was tied at two… Chris Wise would take over eventually, but by the ninth the Crusaders were on the corners with one out after Hurtado and Monge singles. Garavito replaced him to face Chavira and got a double play grounder to wipe away the Crusaders. When Stalker, Pinkerton, and Wallace were retired in order in the bottom 9th, the game could be comfortably put into the books as another loss, given that the Raccoons STILL had not won an extra inning contest all year. Prieto retired New York in order in the 10th before Avakian led off the bottom of the inning after having entered in the #9 slot along with Prieto, who as in Salgado’s deserted slot. The Coons made three outs on six pitches before Hurley opened the 11th with a pinch-hit triple off Prieto. Moore singled the run home, and there it was. There was the L we deserved. Mike Hugh would face the 3-4-5 batters in the bottom 11th, although there was Berto pinch-hitting for Hooge. He fanned, and so did Wall. Fernandez flew out to center. 3-2 Crusaders. Pinkerton 2-4, 2 RBI; del Rio 8.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 5 K;

**** team.

They should all be deported to where the pepper grows …!* Or to the frozen wastes of the North. Whatever is easier for the authorities …!

Raccoons (38-46) @ Canadiens (45-41) – July 6-8, 2035

Doom. Nothing but doom. How were they even leading the North? Why was it all happening? Why? How? Seventh in runs scored, second in runs allowed. And they were beating us to a 6-2 tune this year.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 3.01 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (5-5, 3.76 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-8, 4.76 ERA) vs. Josh Weeks (5-10, 3.76 ERA)
Colt Willes (7-7, 3.39 ERA) vs. Jaden Baldwin (1-4, 4.63 ERA)

Two more southpaws to begin the set, then a righty. They also had a number of important players or at least regulars on the DL including Felipe Delgado, Bobby Gonzales, and the Coons’ latest doombringer Dusty Mezzanotte.

Meanwhile I was in a bit of a pickle. I didn’t want to watch the game alone at my home, but I couldn’t get Slappy to visit me, and Maud had been in my place once and had immediately started planning new drapes, new carpet, and new wallpapers. I couldn’t visit Cristiano Carmona, either – him and Gustaf had flown to Panama over the weekend so Cristiano could show him the rat-infested gutter he had grown up in with eleven siblings and a routinely broken wheelchair. Attempts were made to invite my psychiatrist, Dr. Zwiebelkopf**, but he was golfing on the Bahamas, a trip largely finance by me, and by extension the 38-46 travelling circus that had tingled to Elktown.

That left my ophthalmologist… Ah, yes, is this Dr. Jones? – Yes, it’s Mr. Westfield. I was wondering whether … – Yes, the Raccoons play in that ****house place this week. Why are you … – I did call you last time, too? – Seventeen times over the years? – Well, uh, sorry for waking you up at three in the morning then. Oh, wait, Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones! – You can write prescriptions for something, too, right? Something that goes right to the brains and numbs the voices? – Hello? – Hello??

Nope. That was all the people I knew, all the friends I had. It would be me and Honeypaws.

And the voices.

(hugs the stuffed toy raccoon a bit tighter)

Game 1
POR: 2B Vickers – 3B Marsingill – CF Hooge – C Wall – LF Wallace – SS Stalker – RF Pinkerton – 1B Avakian – P Rendon
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – C Duryea – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – RF Korecky – SS Cabral – 2B Morrow – CF Pohl – P Corcoran

An Eric Morrow fumble put Vickers on base to begin the inning and combined with a Marsingill single and Kurt Wall’s sac fly would present them with an unearned 1-0 lead. Rendon immediately spent 26 pitches loading the bases on a single hit with two outs by Jesse LeJeune, routinely the death of us, and two walks to Tomas Caraballo and Will Korecky. Ramon Cabral grounded to the second base bag where Tim Stalker barely made an inning-ending play. Him and Avakian drew walks in the second inning, but would be left on base. Marsingill drew a leadoff walk in the third, but Hooge popped out and Wall hit into a double play. Michael Duryea’s solo homer then tied the game in the bottom 3rd. ALL WAS LOST!!

Technically it took Pat Pohl’s 2-run homer, cashing Morrow, in the bottom 4th to establish a 3-1 lead for the damn Elks, but I was weeping all the way from the Duryea shot, with Honeypaws in my unrelenting clutch without soothing the pain even a tiny-teeny bit. The wheels came off altogether in the fifth, with Duryea’s leadoff walk, LeJeune’s dying quail single, a Caraballo single right through dumb-faced Avakian, and then a bases-loaded walk to Korecky. Rendon was yanked, Kulp replaced him, and got within one strike of ending the inning without another run crossing home plate, thanks to a K against Ramon Cabral and a pop by Morrow. Down 1-2, Pohl singled to center, two runs scored, and the fireworks would not stop there. Corcoran hit an RBI single, Robinson walked, and Kulp balked in a run before Duryea lined out to Marsingill. That was … five runs in the inning, eight in total, and I had burst into all-out tears a long time ago. I assume Honeypaws had, too, at least he was also soaking wet.

After the Marsingill single from the first inning, the Coons did not land another base hit until Pinkerton dropped one between Morrow and Korecky in the seventh with two outs. Avakian expertly grounded out after that. Starting with a Corcoran double in the bottom 7th that came off Chris Wise, the ****ing Elks scored another two runs off him and David Fernandez. Guess who pitched in the bottom of the eighth. He gave up another run. 11-1 Canadiens.

At least we no longer have more runs scored than runs allowed. That one was really freaking me out. Thankfully it’s sorted now…!

Interlude: Trade

At 6am on Saturday morning, I had coaches in Elk City unlock Adam Avakian’s (.251, 5 HR, 16 RBI) hotel room, throw him out of bed, and put him on a taxi to the airport. I had ordered his ****ing *** gone. He had hit 25 homers and had driven in 107 runs last season with the Knights. Now he was on pace for 30 RBI, and had not driven in anybody in almost three weeks.

GET. OUT.

He was traded to the Capitals. The Raccoons received #62 prospect SP Gene Tennis, a 21-year-old southpaw with a broad mix of pitches that was currently in AA. He had been the #21 pick in the 2032 draft, then by the Warriors, but had ended up in Washington last year in the Dan Dalton / Jimmy Souders trade.

DON’T BICKER for your ****TY personal belongings. GET PANTS ON… and GET! OUT!!

Chiyosaku Maruyama was promoted from AAA until we could sort this out. He was goddamn awful, but at least he had always been goddamn awful.

Raccoons (38-46) @ Canadiens (45-41) – July 6-8, 2035

Game 2
POR: 2B Vickers – 3B Marsingill – C Morales – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – SS Stalker – CF Pinkerton – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – C Duryea – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – RF Korecky – SS Cabral – 2B Morrow – CF Pohl – P Weeks

Chavez didn’t allow a run the first time through, which really only meant that he had to lay down and take it the second time through, right, Honeypaws? D.J. Robinson hit a 2-out triple in the bottom 3rd and Chavez walked the bags full before conceding an RBI single to Caraballo, which was of course the first run in the game. Korecky popped out to strand three when all he had to do was stand there and get walked… Tim Stalker shook a game-tying homer out of his bat in the fourth, and singles sent Vickers and Marsingill (who made him a regular??) to the corners with one out in the fifth inning. A 2-for-2 Tony Morales sent a fly to deep right, but had it caught by Korecky, but it was good enough still for a go-ahead sac fly before Salgado rolled over to Robinson for the third out. Despite the 2-1 lead I was at no point concerned for the damn Elks – they would find a way to stuff Bernie into a bag and beat him senseless…

Straight 2-out singles by Duryea, LeJeune (ggrrrr!!), and Caraballo loaded the bases in the bottom 5th, because why would annihilation be delayed? I calmly watched with Honeypaws on my thigh as the pitching coach aggravatedly showed Bernie Chavez three fingers to indicate that there were THREE ****ing outs to an inning. Bernie nodded with enthusiasm, and with the same enthusiasm then rung up Korecky – to anybody’s surprise, I must emphasize. Even Honeypaws’ jaw dropped. Bottom 6th, leadoff walk to Cabral, and then a near-shot to deep right off Morrow’s bat that Salgado plucked off the top of the wall. Maybe we should think about bringing on the pen. Pat Pohl doubled to left before that could happen. Chavez remained in to see the pitcher, walked him, and then was yanked with force. David Fernandez would see Robinson, tried real hard to walk in the tying run until the count was full, and then Robinson ranked over a clear ball four to be dismissed. Duryea grounded out to Marsingill, stranding another three. The end didn’t come until the eighth, when Nick Bates issued a leadoff walk to Cabral, who was run for by Miguel Santana. There was no purpose to that move. Morrow, a .152 batter with no bombs in 66 attempts, rammed a score-flipping homer, 396 feet to left-center. Pat Pohl then one-upped him with a 422-footer to dead center. Bryce Sudar pitched the ninth for Elktown, and his 5.25 ERA remained an impregnable fortress for the Raccoons. 4-2 Canadiens. Morales 2-3, RBI;

(hasn’t blinked in an hour)

Game 3
POR: 2B Vickers – CF Hooge – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – SS Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Willes
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – C Duryea – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – RF Korecky – SS Cabral – 2B Morrow – CF Pohl – P Baldwin

Singled, walk, single – the first three Raccoons in the game all reached base. The next two struck out on six pitches. Tim Stalker dropped a wailer near the rightfield line for a 2-out, 2-run single, Zeltser also landed an RBI single, and then Maruyama showed why first base was such a light-hitting position for Portland and rolled out to short. Willes, coming off a shutout, whiffed four damn Elks against two hits in the first three innings, creating a scene of false security, as was Vickers’ 2-out RBI single, plating Zeltser in the top of the fourth. Willes promptly crapped out in the bottom of the inning. Caraballo landed a single, Willes walked Cabral and Morrow with two outs, and then gave up a 2-out, 2-run double to Pat Pohl. At least Baldwin struck out to keep it 4-2…

Top 5th, Manny Fernandez dropped a 1-out single after going 0-2 with 2 K earlier. He would steal second base off Baldwin, leading to an intentional walk to Tony Morales, which hadn’t quite been our intention. Stalker popped out, bringing up Zeltser with two outs, and Zeltser sent Baldwin to bed with a long 3-run homer to rightfield. That put Portland 7-2 ahead, but I wasn’t buying it. They sure had another meltdown or two up their ***es. Fernando Nora pitched for Elk City in the sixth and allowed a single to Vickers, nailed Hooge, then gave up a 435-foot blast to Jimmy Wallace for the second 3-piece in as many innings, 10-2. Yeah, right. That’s how they get you, Honeypaws! First they let you zoom out by eight, and then they come back to mug you! (shakes fist in anger) … A Korecky single, Cabral double over Wallace’s numb skull, and Morrow’s sac fly promptly gave the damn Elks a third run in the bottom of the same inning. I KNEW IT!! Watch the meltdown! Pat Pohl popped out to end the inning. Oh well, another three innings’ worth of time to throw it all away! Top 7th, Zeltser singled again. Maruyama walked, then was forced out by Ramos, who hit for Willes. Vickers walked to fill the bags before Hooge fanned. That brought up Wallace to face Pearce. He ripped once and missed, then ripped again and didn’t. Blast to right – GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!! … 14-3 Raccoons. Vickers 3-4, 2 BB, RBI; Wallace 3-6, 2 HR, 7 RBI; Zeltser 4-4, BB, HR, 4 RBI; Garavito 1.2 IP, 0 H; 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

If this team doesn’t wear out your clutch, no team ever will.

In other news

July 2 – SAC RF Troy Greenway (.313, 13 HR, 35 RBI) might spend most of July on the DL with torn ankle ligaments.
July 3 – DAL LF/RF/1B Mark DeVita (.282, 2 HR, 17 RBI) drives in five runs on three hits, including two homers, in the Stars’ 13-2 rout of the Scorpions.
July 4 – MIL SP Ernesto Lujan (5-9, 4.24 ERA) and MIL MR Howard Haws (0-0, 3.00 ERA) pitch a combined 1-hitter in a 5-0 victory over the Indians, for whom only Josh Garbinski (.318, 9 HR, 29 RBI) manages to drop a single.
July 5 – TIJ RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.324, 10 HR, 58 RBI) will miss the rest of the month with a strained hammy.
July 7 – New York 2B Mario Hurtado (.285, 4 HR, 44 RBI) hits for the cycle in a 9-4 win over the Loggers, batting in two runs with his four base hits. It’s the fourth Crusaders cycle in franchise history, and the second in 13 months against the Loggers, after Josh Brown did the honors in June of last year.
July 8 – The Knights trade for 31-yr old 1B Kumanosuke Henderson (.249, 8 HR, 47 RBI), along with a prospect, while trying SP Chris Inderrieden (8-7, 3.27 ERA) to the Gold Sox.
July 8 – DAL SS Jon Ramos (.316, 0 HR, 39 RBI) is out for six weeks with a sprained thumb.

Complaints and stuff

Wholesale destruction of a franchise is continuing, not to say anything about my liver. I should do what everybody does these days and get an electric one. The Raccoons had three All Stars, however, including two (Fowler, Ramos) on injured reserve. Chris Wise was the only Critter likely to actually get into the action. It was the seventh All Star Game for Fowler (technically), the fifth for Berto (again, technically), and the third for Wise.

Technically, we’re also still a functioning baseball team that totally isn’t gonna be wound up and sold for scraps by the fall, although Nick Valdes left 38 messages for me and I refuse to read or listen to any of them. One almost slipped through – a singing telegram wearing traditional Dutch clothing and wooden clogs that I found in front of my house on Sunday morning when I emptied the mailbox, which contained more messages from Valdes I ignored and also complaints from the neighbors about the crying and wailing late at night.

Adam Avakian is on the select list of former players that could break their neck hustling after a foul pop, and my mouth would slowly but surely morph into a demonic grin. It’s not like we traded ALL the goods for his rotten guts and ****ty face, but he’s the main reason why this team has fallen by the wayside. Him and his ROTTEN guts and his ****ING ****-ASS face!! (repeatedly bangs with both fists on the table, screaming)

Vegas puts the odds of Avakian having a 3-homer game this month at 3/2. And we should retire #95 to our Wall of Shame.

Chris Miller cleared waivers on Saturday. He was released.

Dusty Kulp demands a trade because he should be the closer, and not Ed Blair. Yeah, your 3.89 ERA is a definite recommendation for that. You can **** off, too!

(throws a mostly empty bottle of Capt’n Coma against the wall, where it splinters into a thousand shards)

Del Rio needs to go. In further signs of a major meltdown that was only accelerating in pace I received a Gobble message via Steve from Accounting’s account of del Rio licking an entire fridge full of snacks without eating any, and a comment under the otherwise locked video reading “One has to go. Him or me. 7”

Justin Fowler’s groin is not healing as planned, and he will not be available shortly after the All Star Game. It might be the second half of the month and maybe we have to send him for rehab, too.

(pours an entire orange plastic container full of laxatives into his paw and swallows them before “flushing” by eating a lemon whole)

Almost 30 games into his career, third-rounder Nick Lando is hitting .452 in 115 at-bats. He has also drawn 15 walks for a .540 OBP and has swiped 18 bases. I wonder whether that will last.

Fun Fact: Alberto Ramos has 495 career stolen bases.

And maybe I’ll live to see him reach 500.

Maybe even in the brown shirt.

+++

*Not-so-ancient German phrase.
** translates “onion head”

[Westheim]

All Star Game

Washington catcher Nate Evans was named MVP in the FL’s 7-2 win over the CL. Evans cracked two hits, including a double, had an RBI, and scored two runs.

Chris Wise pitched a scoreless inning for the CL. Since both Berto and Fowler were listed as injured, neither of them competed, but Ramos would be ready to go at the resumption of the regular season.

Trade

On the same day as the showcase, the Raccoons also traded with the Thunder, ridding themselves of some disruption in the clubhouse by parting with 25-year-old SP Ignacio del Rio (6-7, 3.80 ERA) and 20-year-old A OF Sebastian Waddingham in exchange for 24-year-old right-hander Josh Livingston (2-0, 2.30 ERA).

The former second-rounder had never started a game in 76 appearances in the majors, but might make a good spot starter, especially now with one slot in the rotation open. He had been the #28 prospect prior to spending almost all of 2034 on the Thunder’s roster. A fifth-year player, del Rio had appeared in 109 games (all starts) for Portland as designated clubhouse cancer, going 41-41 with a 4.14 ERA.

Due to an off day on the Monday after the back end of the four-and-four with the Crusaders, the Raccoons would not actually need a fifth starter until the weekend after that. Since Nick Bates had already cleared waivers before, he was re-assigned to AAA as we kept down to seven relievers. Edgar Barrios was instead called up as an extra lefty bat, poking .200 or not.

Raccoons (39-48) @ Crusaders (43-45) – July 12-15, 2035

More sadness to come? The Crusaders had turned the season series into their favor, now up 4-3, by taking three out of four in Portland the previous week. Had the rest done the Critters any good? Had dumping del Rio? Was there a point in even showing up? New York was second in runs scored, but third from the bottom in runs allowed. They would probably beat us up again.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (4-2, 3.55 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (2-7, 5.21 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-6, 3.52 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (7-3, 4.43 ERA)
Colt Willes (8-7, 3.44 ERA) vs. Keith Black (4-7, 4.43 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-8, 4.60 ERA) vs. Jamie O‘Leary (2-4, 4.61 ERA)

O’Leary was still the only southpaw around. The only changes I saw for New York compared to a week ago was Ryan Hurley, backup catcher, moving to the DL, and Jose Balado, a powerless .271 hitter, coming back from there.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Sabre
NYC: LF Balado – 1B J. Lopez – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – CF Sung – SS J. Brown – P J. Martin

The first four hits in the game were all Crusaders singles that somehow didn’t manage to sink a still iffy Sabre before Bob Zeltser cracked a leadoff jack in the third after Joe Martin had initially retired six Critters in a row. Danny Monge doubled in the bottom 3rd… and also left the game with a sore hoof, further testing the Crusaders’ backstop depth. Devin Phillips replaced him and made his major league debut – a former supplemental round pick that the Crusaders had converted from pitching to making the most of what other pitchers tossed him. His first duty was touching third base in orderly fashion before jogging home on Vinny Chavira’s score-flipping belter to right, and on an 0-2 pitch …

While nobody outside of Zeltser could get a ****ing base hit on the brown-clad team through six innings, the Crusaders plonked Sabre for 11 hits in five and a third. Yeong-ha Sung and Josh Brown in scoring position and one out was the end for Sabre, two starts back from rehab, and both of them utterly ****. Prieto inherited the sticky situation and to nobody’s surprise at all surrendered both runs on a Balado gapper that put the score at 4-1 and the Raccoons very much out of business. Garavito and the Raccoons debutee Livingston would provide more sturdy relief down the road, but the Raccoons could hardly get on base at all. Berto had drawn two walks, Zeltser had two hits… it wasn’t until Wallace singled with one out in the ninth against Mike Hugh that somebody other than Zelts entered the H column for Portland… Fernandez flew out, but Tony Morales singled. Tim Stalker came up as the tying run, and he flew out to Vinny Chavira… 4-1 Crusaders. Zeltser 2-3, HR, RBI;

Same old, same old.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF Pinkerton – C Morales – LF Wallace – CF Hooge – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Rendon
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schlegelmilch – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Monge – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – CF Sung – C D. Phillips – P Hicks

The Crusaders, who were afraid to have their foot-sore catcher Monge catch, but doing the splits at first base would be fine, took a 1-0 lead in the bottom 3rd on a homer by the “powerless .271 hitter” Jose Balado. This came about after Rendon had whiffed five against one single on his first run through the lineup. The Raccoons had yet to reach base on a ball put in play, but got that hurdle knocked over on Preston Pinkerton’s single in the fourth. Now all would be well! After two fly outs to center, Ed Hooge singled to right and Rich Vickers walked, bringing up Thursday’s only player even vaguely deserving his salary. Zeltser flew out to Chavira. Limping Danny Monge homered in the bottom of the inning, 2-0, and in further signs of doom Chiyosaku Maruyama blooped a single to better his average from .125 in the fifth, but was left on base all the same. There was a leadoff walk by Tony Morales in the sixth, two scattered singles, but the game really came back to Danny Monge, batting against Dusty Kulp with runners on the corners and two outs in the bottom 8th, and getting beaned out of the second game in a row. Brown ran for him, David Fernandez came on against Chavira, but the Crusaders sent Juan Camps to pinch-hit, and Fernandez threw a wild 2-1 pitch anyway, then walked Camps… and Bill Moore, too. Sung flew out, like that mattered anymore. A Camps error would give the Coons an unearned run in the ninth. 4-1 Crusaders. Hooge 2-4, 2B; Wall (PH) 1-1, RBI; Rendon 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, L (7-7) and 1-2;

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Salgado – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Wall – 3B Zeltser – CF Hooge – 2B Stalker – P Willes
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schlegelmilch – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Howden – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – CF Sung – C D. Phillips – P Hicks

Top 2nd, Kurt Wall reached on Ted Schlegelmilch’s 2-base throwing error that Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, failed to contain, and the Raccoons stumbled him around on a pair of grounders to take a 1-0 lead that turned out to be decidedly short-lived. Another Chavira homer ended it in the bottom of the same inning. And then Willes walked Moore, allowed a single to Yeong-ha Sung, and Moore’s bid for third base drew a lousy throw from Manny Fernandez, and not the last one in this inning. This one allowed Sung into second base, and when Phillips flew out to right, Fernandez threw away the ball trying to nip Moore AGAIN, now at home plate. Sung went to third, allowing him to score when Willes with two outs and the pitcher at the plate threw a wild pitch. That made it 3-1 Crusaders, and it also made me phone a friend of a friend of a friend of Cristiano Carmona, who could maybe be of assistan- … Yes, hello? – Is Vito there? – I don’t care how, how many, and how much it costs, but just do it.

The Coons scored their fourth run – and second earned run – in the set on Jimmy Wallace’s leadoff jack in the fourth. It was his 11th of the year, and while that was not exactly chasing the league leaders, it was at least some achievement worth mentioning in passing occurring on a team only ever mentioned in passing anymore. Better yet – Colt Willes could lay off the collapsing for a moment and the Raccoons tied the game in the sixth inning on a Fernandez double and Kurt Wall’s single. Almost a success – now turn it into a win!

Neither team scored again through eight, which was also precisely as far as either starting pitcher went. The Coons carted up the 6-7-8 bloc against righty Casey Moore in the ninth. Zeltser walked, Hooge flew out, and Stalker singled, getting the go-ahead run as far as second base. Tony Morales batted for Willes, but flew out to Chavira in deep right. Berto then flew out to Sung in center… That made the game a loss anyway, since the Raccoons couldn’t win in regulation anymore, and could never win in extra innings. Dusty Kulp’s bottom 10th consisted of nailing Devin Phillips (which Willes had done earlier, too), allowing a single to PH Angelino Velazquez, and walking Balado – all with no outs. We made a token move to bring on Chris Wise, who surrendered a game-ending sac fly to Ted Schlegelmilch on his very first pitch. 4-3 Crusaders. Wallace 2-5, HR, RBI; Willes 8.0 IP, 3 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K and 1-3;

Then on the way back to the hotel, the team bus was nearly hit by a falling piano in the middle of the road, but nobody was injured. Except for the piano.

And my feelings.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Marsingill – C Wall – LF Wallace – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – CF Pinkerton – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez
NYC: CF Sung – 1B J. Lopez – 2B M. Hurtado – LF Balado – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – C D. Phillips – SS Schlegelmilch – P O’Leary

At least in terminal beanings the Raccoons remained unbeaten, with a Bernie Chavez fastball removing Yeong-ha Sung from the game in the first inning; ex-Coon Juan Camps took his place. A Stalker error and a Balado bloop single would score Camps for an early Crusaders lead. In other words – ballgame.

Camps single, Lopez homer, and Balado single, Chavira homer… by the end of the third inning it was 5-0 Crusaders. Somehow, Wall and Wallace scampered on base to begin the fourth. Salgado flew out ****tily, what the team had done all weekend long, and then Walker stalked to fill the bags. Oh, here came Preston Pinkerton, poking a grounder on the 1-1 pitch, over to short, Schlegelmilch to Mario Hurtado, to Lopez … and that was the first double play the Raccoons hit into in the series. It still wouldn’t have hurt any less if it had been the thirteenth… An O’Leary base hit then knocked out Chavez in the bottom of the inning. Prieto and Livinston tossed a few frames while Wallace in the sixth and Maruyama in the seventh each hit into double plays. Somehow back-to-back doubles by Ramos and Marsingill fell in the eighth to give the Raccoons at least *a* run, and Kurt Wall also got on base, but then Wallace and PH Manny Fernandez made two poor outs and stranded a pair on base for a change. Those were the Raccoons’ last runners. 5-1 Crusaders. Wall 3-3, BB; Livingston 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

In other news

July 12 – Nashville LF/RF Adrian Reichardt (.322, 3 HR, 20 RBI) lands his 2,000th career hit in a 7-2 win over the Capitals. The 37-year-old hits a pinch-hit double off WAS MR Ruben Vela (2-1, 3.52 ERA) to reach the milestone. The 17-year veteran Reichardt, a former Rookie of the Year with five Gold Gloves and as many rings to go with them, is a career .275 batter with 125 homers and 905 RBI. Most of his career was spent with the Titans, followed by a 2-year stint in Portland.
July 14 – More pitching for the Thunder, who pick up SP Paul Peters (7-5, 3.90 ERA) from the Wolves for a prospect.
July 14 – The Wolves also blow a 4-2 lead in style in the ninth inning, getting rolled for TEN runs by the Pacifics in an eventual 12-5 defeat.

Complaints and stuff

Back home and in the days, my first job was selling second-rate pork in cans where the main county road branched off to Uncle Bob’s farm. Stale pig’s arse in cans. If I chopped all these suckers on the roster into bits and filled all the bloody chunks into tin cans, I could do it again. Just like in the olden days.

Speaking of which… (sniffs a couple of times through his pointy black nose) … it *does* reek rotten in here, doesn’t it? Which is what happens when a ballclub comes apart at the seams. (one of the glass doors of the bobblehead cabinet spontaneously falls off the frame and shatters into a million bits and pieces) It’s okay, that was ugly anyway.

Justin Fowler might be back on Tuesday against the Loggers. Or we might trade him for an apple and an egg. If we don’t trade him right away, Ed Hooge will be sent back.

The Raccoons did not get involved in the bidding for Jorge Gonzalez, who liked the sound of his own name (or the moniker “king”) too much for our liking. We had just gotten rid of all the clubhouse cancers, no need in adding another one in the prospect pipeline. We did sign four players, but they all came more or less out of the budget aisle.

C Jose Alvarez - $76,000 - SIGNED
SP Danny Vargas - $22,000 - SIGNED
SP Nelson Moreno - $20,000 - SIGNED
1B Ricardo Bejarano - $12,000 - SIGNED

TOTAL OFFERED - $130,000
TOTAL SIGNED - $130,000

The budget aisle, you know, where Ignacio del Rio came from…

Fun Fact: Stu Ellison from Troutdale reserved playoff tickets this week.

Stu, I like that enthusiasm of yours. But please have those brains checked out, we’re all worried.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (39-52) vs. Loggers (45-49) – July 17-19, 2035

The Raccoons limped back home, 3-9 in July and 6-14 for their last 20 and with eight defeats in their last nine games, after the Crusaders had reasonably pulled life support from the Critters’ season. Six runs, four earned, in four games was not the output expected of a major league team, let alone of a contending one. In came the Loggers, the first serving of four teams that would parade through Raccoons Ballpark, each in the hope of getting out with three wins – and none of them hysterical in their expectations. The Loggers were seventh in runs scored and were bleeding the most runs in the CL, but when had that ever been an invitation to this rump team? The Coons led the season series, 5-4, which was surely as transient as any sort of fleeting hope in here…

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (4-3, 3.86 ERA) vs. Vinny Olguin (9-6, 3.75 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-7, 3.46 ERA) vs. Alfredo Casique (10-6, 4.17 ERA)
Colt Willes (8-7, 3.37 ERA) vs. Paul Metzler (3-10, 4.54 ERA)

All right-handers, although the common off day on Monday had originally see them skip the turn of southpaw William Stockwell (6-6, 5.13 ERA). It remained to be seen whether he would be allowed to dazzle a helpless lineup – even with the return of Justin Fowler after a month on the sidelines.

Game 1
MIL: CF Prestwood – 2B McWhirter – RF Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – 1B S. Ayala – SS Yoshioka – C Paiz – P Olguin
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Maruyama – P Sabre

Fowler returned with a sac fly for his 58th RBI of the season, bringing home Ramos, who had reached on catcher’s interference, with Wallace having doubled in between. The sac fly erased the 1-0 deficit Sabre had incurred in the top of the first inning, getting knocked around for three hard singles. Nothing about that was going to change – ever since coming off the DL Sabre had been indefensibly bad in every sense of the word, and Tyler Prestwood’s clean RBI single in the top 2nd gave the Loggers another lead, 2-1. It was the fifth hit off Sabre, plus a walk to Kenta Yoshioka earlier in the inning.

Sabre held of total destruction for just long enough to get a real chance at a lead – well, or at least the pretend-hope of one – in the bottom 4th. Fowler reached on an error by Edgar Paiz to begin the inning, and Morales and Zeltser filled the bases with singles, and still nobody out. All hope was of course on Tim Stalker, considering that after him came the waste of oxygen that was Chiyosaku Maruyama, batting even less than the Coons’ whack-a-mole pitcher. Ironically, Stalker popped out, while Maruyama’s ****ty bouncer went through between Josh Conner and Yoshioka, tying the game. Sabre then found it fit to hit into a double play to kill the inning.

He also somehow got through seven innings after that, with the Loggers reliably hitting their rockets at fielders in the three innings following his double play bouncer. He belatedly got into line for a W on a quite big Tim Stalker homer in the bottom 7th. That was not the only run in the inning – Maruyama dropped another super-soft single, advanced on a wild pitch, and scored on Berto’s single to left. Ramos stole his 30th base with two outs, then scored on a Wallace single, and then Justin Fowler picked up where he had left off and crunched a homer to left, concluding a 5-spot off poor ol’ Olguin that was the decider in the game. 7-2 Coons. Wallace 2-4, 2B, RBI; Zeltser 2-4; Stalker 2-4, HR, RBI; Maruyama 3-4, RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (5-3);

Steve Wilson suffered a core injury in a collision with Tim Stalker at second base in the ninth inning. He was whisked off to the DL by Wednesday.

Game 2
MIL: CF Prestwood – 2B McWhirter – RF Leftwich – 3B Conner – SS Garnier – 1B S. Ayala – LF K. Farmer – C Canas – P Stockwell
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Wall – RF Salgado – 1B Maruyama – 3B Marsingill – P Rendon

The Loggers put eight runners on base in the first three innings – and left all eight of them on. Three in the first, two in the second, three in the third, nobody scored. Well, at least not until Justin Marsingill unleashed a long homer to left-center in the bottom 3rd, prior to which Stockwell had retired seven of seven Critters. It wouldn’t be enough for Rendon to make a W out of it. Gilberto tossed 98 pitches for just 13 outs, departing with Conner and Maxime Garnier on base and one out in the top 5th. David Fernandez came on, got a fielder’s choice grounder from Salvador Ayala, then rung up Kymani Farmer to add another two to the Loggers’ LOB total.

The green team finally broke through in the sixth against Fernandez and Prieto, who yielded a total of three base hits. Bill McWhirter singled in Rodrigo Canas off Prieto, but him and Prestwood were stranded in scoring position when Leftwich fanned and Conner grounded out to third base. That left the Raccoons up 2-1, following a Maruyama homer (!!) in the bottom of the fifth. In turn the bottom 6th began with a Wallace single, a Fowler double, and those two being left stranded on Wall’s lineout, Salgado’s K, and Maruyama’s F8. Marsingill and Ramos were stranded in scoring position the following inning when neither Stalker nor Wallace could get a ball to at least somewhere convenient… Begged to make a comeback, the Loggers did their best. Andrew Barker singled, D.J. Mendez doubled off Chris Wise in the eighth… and then THEY were left there on McWhirter’s comebacker and Jeremy Leftwich’s pop to Stalker. When no insurance run came forth in the bottom 8th, Ed Blair was on his own against the 4-5-6 batters. Conner grounded out to third, Garnier grounded out to second, and Ayala banged a double off the fence. Yoshioka, a lefty batter, hit for Farmer, but the Coons stuck to Blair, a fatal mistake rewarded with a score-flipping homer to right, smashed on a stupid 2-1 pitch right down the middle. 3-2 Loggers. Fowler 2-4, 2B; Marsingill 2-2, BB, HR, RBI;

I blame the cooks in the clubhouse having left the door open. The smell of roasted pig quelled through the tunnel onto the playing field, and the Critters couldn’t help themselves but to make three quick outs as quick as possible. Quicker!

Oh well, it’s not like the season would have been salvaged by back-to-back wins for the first time since … uhm… at some point last month?

Game 3
MIL: 1B S. Ayala – 2B McWhirter – RF Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF D.J. Mendez – CF K. Farmer – SS Del Vecchio – C Paiz – P Casique
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Maruyama – P Willes

What was more upsetting – the fact that Josh Conner hit a leadoff jack for the first run of the game in the second inning, or that he poked at a 3-0 pitch the next time around with Leftwich on first and nobody out, and hit into a double play? That was for the Loggers manager to answer; I was entirely served by the D.J. Mendez homer to right-center that followed and made it 2-0. At that point the Coons had stranded four already, and half of those had been unearned, too… Conner’s third appearance of the day was an inning-ending whiffer in the top 6th, and that was the 100th strikeout for Willes on the season. The Critters made the scoreboard in the bottom 6th, which began with a Fernandez single, and while the sluggers didn’t add much to the effort, Tony Morales at least walked to keep the line moving. Zelts hit an RBI single, Stalker singled to fill the bags, and maybe Maruyama could continue his good week and - … or maybe he’d fly out to Leftwich and leave three stranded.

Berto was the tying run after a seventh-inning single. He saw Fernandez fly out to center for the second retirement of the inning, then took off on the 0-1 to Jimmy Wallace. The park gasped – this was for #500! Edgar Paiz wasted no time gasping – his laser beam slammed Berto out to end the inning and delayed his 500th career steal to a later date. Willes pitched into the ninth, only to give up another homer to Leftwich leading off the inning. That was the sixth and final hit off Willes in the game, and three of them had left the damn park. Their share of crazy swings notwithstanding, this was not a feat the Raccoons would achieve on this day, not even once. Tim Stalker would hit a leadoff single off Alex Banderas in the bottom 9th. Maruyama whiffed. Rich Vickers hit into a double play. 3-1 Loggers. Zeltser 2-4, RBI; Stalker 3-4;

Slappy, get some new sweatpants without booze stains – you’re playing tomorrow. Cristiano – see the equipment guy with the squealy wheel – you’re … you can catch, I guess. And hit third.

Raccoons (40-54) vs. Falcons (35-59) – July 20-22, 2035

Hey, a team with a worse record! And they were even so bad they’d still have a worse record once they’d have swept us. They did hold a 2-1 edge in the season series. Charlotte had lost six in a row, though the Coons were close, scored the fewest runs in the league, and were still surrendering plenty. They had a -85 run differential. Ours? Somehow negative one!

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (6-9, 4.86 ERA) vs. Jesus Blanco (4-10, 5.13 ERA)
Josh Livingston (2-0, 2.15 ERA) vs. Mike Barnett (3-6, 3.93 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-3, 3.71 ERA) vs. Matt Moon (4-11, 3.85 ERA)

We would get a spot start from Livingston, who had never done such a thing in his major league career (but had 84 minor league starts). Who cares who loses each game in particular? It would delay picking a fifth starting pitcher for another week.

The Falcons would only send up right-handers. They had also just traded vaguely productive outfielder Andy Montes to the Rebs for prospects. Another key player, Greg Ortiz, was on the DL.

Game 1
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – RF J. Aguilar – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – 3B Da – 1B Pulido – LF L. Herrera – SS Aparicio – P Blanco
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez

Jerry Aguilar wiped away 224 homerless at-bats on the season with a quick 430-footer off Bernie Chavez in the first inning. Isn’t it nice when young people steadfastly pursue their dreams and finally succeed? But do they have to do it on our turf, again and again?? A Ramos double and Fowler’s RBI single would erase the deficit, but then the Critters poked pointlessly again. Berto was back on base with a single in the bottom 3rd. At 3-1, Manny Fernandez poked into a double play. This booze just wasn’t soothing the pain anymore…! – Maud! – Maud!! – Do we still have bleach??

The game remained tied at one through five innings. When Maruyama hit a leadoff single in the bottom 5th, Bernie bunted into a double play. At least he had eight strikeouts through five and wouldn’t allow another home run. Bottom 6th, Wallace dropped a double to left with one out. The Falcons walked Fowler with intent, trying to get Tony Morales up. The rookie had been entirely luckless during the Loggers series, and now grounded up the middle for what looked like a double play, except that it had drizzled earlier and the infield was sort of moist. Oscar Aguirre lost his footing and any play, and the Critters loaded the bases for Bob Zeltser, batting .252 with six homers. Zelts hit a clean RBI single up the middle, plating Wallace for a 2-1 lead. Vickers got a sac fly, and then everybody got a rain delay from a suddenly breaking storm cell that gave us an hour-long interruption that wiped out both starting pitchers. Tim Stalker pinch-hit for Bernie against southpaw Chris Turner after a walk to Maruyama, with three on and two gone. Stalker flew out to Jonathan Reyna… and on a 3-1 pitch. Seriously, if your thousand-year veterans don’t have no baseball smarts anymore, who’s gonna have some??

Dusty Kulp then blew the lead in the top 7th with another ****ing **** performance. Zhao-jun Da singled off him, and scored on a groundout and TWO wild pitches before Tony Aparicio hit a homer to left – the first career base hit for the 21-year-old replacement shortstop. The Falcons would not score again in regulation, but the Coons weren’t poised to do so, either. Bottom 9th, Victor Govea, the former starter and 2027 Rookie of the Year, retired Salgado and Barrios on grounders at the bottom of the pile before Berto slapped his fourth hit of the day, a single to center. Then he took off again – and swiped second base. His 500th stolen base – only the third player to reach the mark! And after a brief standing ovation and some applause, the game resumed: he was the winning run and there were outs in the inning after all. Manny Fernandez had not hit a baseball all week, but countered a stretched Govea, who had entered in the seventh. Govea walked him, then somehow got Wallace to ground out. Which meant only one thing – the Coons would lose in extras, like they ALWAYS did! But the Falcons didn’t break through against Chris Wise in the 10th, and ex-Coon Jonathan Fleischer would face Fowler to begin the bottom of the inning, so maybe a swift – nope, Fowler got only junk and eventually walked. Two groundouts moved him to third base, which was only helpful if Fleischer threw a wild pitch to PH Kurt Wall. He didn’t, throwing 98 right down the middle instead. Wall didn’t miss it, and belted a 392-footer over the leftfield fence. 5-3 Raccoons! Ramos 4-5, 2B; Wallace 2-5, 2B; Wall (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI; Maruyama 1-2, BB; Chavez 6.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 9 K;

IT’S A WALKOFF!! (races around the table with arms raised and flailing) WALKOFF! WALKOFF! WALKOFF!! (stumbles over something and tumbles against the trusty brown couch)

Cristiano, if I didn’t know any better I would have guessed you stuck your leg out to make me trip! – Don’t give me that innocent look!

Game 2
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – RF J. Aguilar – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – LF Trahan – 3B Da – 1B Pulido – SS Aparicio – P Barnett
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – 2B Barrios – 1B Maruyama – P Livingston

Livingston was outta whack in his starting debut. Oscar Aguirre drew a walk to begin the game, then scored on singles by Reyna and Dave Trahan. Defense would help him out a bit better in the following innings while I anxiously waited for the first three on, no outs, no runs appearance of the Critters. Nothing much happened in the first two innings, but Maruyama reached base to begin the bottom 3rd with a soft single. He was bunted over, but Ramos flew out. Kurt Wall came through again with a game-tying single to center, and Wallace would also go to center… some 410 feet to center, actually, hitting a tie-breaking, 2-out, 2-run shot for a 3-1 lead.

Livingston held on to that a while longer, despite Bob Zeltser’s error that began the top 5th. The fumble put Aparicio on first base, but Wall caught him stealing on the first pitch to Barnett. Livingston then walked Aguirre with two outs, but Aguilar grounded out to Zeltser, who this time kept all his paws together. That didn’t mean there was not some stupid error in the following inning, at that time it was Wall, throwing away a grounder by Ernesto Huichapa, the otherwise silent current Rookie of the Year. This came with no outs, Reyna on first, and put the tying runs in scoring position, and Livingston’s confidence visibly dissipated through his pointy hairy ears. He did not retire another batter, instead throwing four more pitches for two RBI singles by Trahan and Da. Prieto replaced him, walked Aparicio to fill the bags, but struck out Jose Pulido, Barnett, and Aguirre to strand three Falcons in a 3-3 game. After that, neither team put anything together through eight. Garavito and Wise held the fort that far, and David Fernandez retired the Falcons in order in the top 9th, setting up Fowler again to lead of with a chance for a walkoff jack against left-hander Juan Vela. That didn’t happen – wildly not – and three extremely poor outs on the infield sent the game to extras.

And here the Coons were in a pickle. They had to pitch Fernandez to the right-handed middle of the order, because besides Kulp (who pitched two ****ty innings the day before) and Blair there was just nobody left in the pen. Huichapa and Trahan hit back-to-back 1-out doubles, and that was that… The bottom 10th pitted Jonathan Fleischer against the bottom of the order. Manny Fernandez hit for Barrios and grounded out. Maruyama flew out to right. Tony Morales batted for David Fernandez and walked, bringing up Berto, homerless in ’35, as the winning run. A groundout to first base ended the vain hope for back-to-back wins. 4-3 Falcons.

We managed all of five base hits. How they turned that into even three runs is beyond me.

I have a hunch we will not win the series…

Game 3
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – RF J. Aguilar – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – LF Trahan – 3B Da – 1B Pulido – SS Aparicio – P Sparkes
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Salgado – P Sabre

The Falcons carted up their ace, Bryce Sparkes (11-7, 3.41 ERA), utilizing their midweek off day to skip Matt Moon. That was still a right-hander to flail against, so we didn’t really care… Sabre ran into a ghastly second inning that began with a Huichapa single to left and pretty soon devolved into some grade one meltdown. Da walked, Pulido got nailed, one run scored on a groundout, and another on a wild pitch before Sparkes graciously struck out to strand Pulido. The Raccoons had a bushel of singles the first time through, but also had Fowler in the first and Salgado in the second robbed in the gap by the spoiler Aguilar. Fowler’s fly ended the inning, Salgado’s at least plated Bob Zeltser for a sac fly. Sabre hit a 2-out single to move Tim Stalker to second base, but Berto flew out to Reyna, keeping Portland 2-1 behind…

Neither team scored anymore through five, and Charlotte didn’t even get another hit until Aguilar legged out a 1-out infield single in the sixth inning. Sabre folded immediately, serving up a booming homer to leftfield to Reyna, 4-1. Now, to anybody’s surprise, and just when I had the rope knotted sturdy, but still able to have the noose sliding, Bob Zeltser hit a counter-homer in the bottom of the inning, a 2-piece collecting Fowler with two outs. That didn’t mean we weren’t trailing anymore, but maybe the Falcons would make six errors in the next inning and… and maybe Oscar Aguirre would sink Sabre for good with a 2-out, 2-run triple into the corner behind Wallace in the top of the seventh.

Kulp came on, retired Aguilar, and then Sparkes gave the margin right back again in the bottom 7th, another 2-out, 2-run homer, this one by Manny Fernandez and hit to right. Berto was on base and collected, now in a 6-5 deficit. Wallace struck out, sending the game back to Kulp, who held the Falcons in check in the eighth. Bottom of the inning, Morales and Zeltser with 1-out singles… and Kurt Wall with a pinch-hit double play bouncer. But we hadn’t seen the last 2-spot yet. Top 9th, Ed Blair was on. To his and my horror, Ramos foundered a Pulido grounder with one out, and then Blair walked Tom Hawkins, ex-Coon and out for revenge. After Hubbard grounded out, moving up the runners, Aguirre put the dagger in with his second 2-out, 2-run hit of the game, a single to right that saw the Falcons zoom out by three. Aguilar struck out, but the Coons faced Vela again in the bottom 9th. Salgado singled. Vickers popped out. Berto hit into a fielder’s choice… Marsingill hit for Fernandez and grounded out. 8-5 Falcons. Zeltser 3-4, HR, 2 RBI; Salgado 2-3, RBI;

We out-hit them a gentle 11-7 …

In other news

July 16 – BOS OF/2B Moises Avila (.261, 7 HR, 50 RBI) is lost for the season with a torn abdominal muscle.
July 16 – The Miners deal LF/CF/INF Jake Trawick (.277, 13 HR, 38 RBI) and a meager prospect to the Gold Sox for C Jeremiah Brooks (.290, 6 HR, 29 RBI).
July 17 – The Aces’ 1B/3B/OF Jesse Stedham (.276, 6 HR, 37 RBI) steps into the batter’s box five times in Vegas’ 15-6 rush of the Bayhawks, and never is credited with an official at-bat. Stedham walks four times and is nailed in his fifth attempt. He scores four runs and gets an RBI for his efforts.
July 18 – VAN 2B/OF Eric Morrow (.250, 1 HR, 15 RBI) hits a single for the only base hit the Canadiens amount to in a 2-1 loss to the Indians’ Josh Walsh (8-6, 2.68 ERA) and three relievers.
July 20 – SFW RF/LF/1B Tim Sheaffer (.287, 15 HR, 68 RBI) hits two home runs, has four hits, and plates five runs against the Blue Sox, while the Warriors make up an 8-4 deficit with a 10-run ninth inning, only to almost blow their own lead in the bottom 9th. The Blue Sox make up only four runs, however, and lose 14-12.
July 20 – The Titans lose another critical piece for the season, with SP Tony Chavez (8-7, 3.96 ERA) out with a torn rotator cuff.
July 21 – The Thunder lose both OF/1B Drew Olszewski (.274, 3 HR, 34 RBI) and MR Mike Cockcroft (3-3, 2.84 ERA) for the season. Olszewski is out in particularly worrisome manner, with a grim concussion.
July 21 – The Wolves acquire C Morgan Kuhlmann (.238, 8 HR, 39 RBI) and a prospect from the Cyclones, parting with SP Jong-hoo Cho (7-7, 3.87 ERA). Kuhlmann will be on his third major league team of the year, having started the season with Indy.
July 22 – ATL RF/LF Roy Pincus (.286, 12 HR, 43 RBI) lands four hits and drives in six runs as the Knights slap down the Crusaders, 13-6. Teammate 3B Chris Maneke (.287, 9 HR, 47 RBI) drives in five runs on two hits.
July 22 – TIJ 3B Shane Sanks (.289, 16 HR, 66 RBI) homers for the only score in the Condors’ 1-0 win over the Canadiens.
July 22 – SFW SP Tony Galligher (9-8, 3.06 ERA) hits the DL with a forearm strain. The Warriors claim he’ll be as good as new in four weeks.

Complaints and stuff

Alberto Ramos – what a steal! His 500th sack stolen was undoubtedly the highlight of the week, because, honestly, what else did we have? Two pathetic series lost to crummy teams.

I really don’t know what else to say anymore. It’s 100% back to the drawing board, sell everybody again, and then try to rebuild something out of a burnt-down farm. It took five years to build that farm last time, and we got zero playoff games out of harvesting all of it for failed trade acquisitions.

Everything’s fallen apart. Everything’s in tethers.

(hangs his head as he stands on the big window overlooking the baseball field, with the sun setting behind the leftfield stands)

Fun Fact: The Raccoons haven’t been shut out in 21 consecutive games!

But then again, they also have scored only one or two runs in nine of those games. Our 4.1 runs scored per game during the stretch is a bit of false flag, given there were two trouncings of the Titans (12 runs) and damn Elks (14 runs) included in that stretch.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (41-56) vs. Thunder (51-49) – July 24-26, 2035

The homestand of horrors threatened to continue with three games against Oklahoma starting on Tuesday. The Thunder were third in the South, but almost twice as far behind the leaders as the last-place Critters in the North. They ranked third in runs scored, sixth in runs allowed, and had won only one of the first three games between the two teams this year.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (7-7, 3.32 ERA) vs. Joe Robinson (8-9, 3.44 ERA)
Colt Willes (8-8, 3.36 ERA) vs. Ignacio del Rio (8-7, 3.92 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-9, 4.69 ERA) vs. Paul Peters (8-6, 3.83 ERA)

Robinson was the only southpaw in that rotation. The Thunder had one good bat (Drew Olszewski) on the DL, but they still packed four guys with double-digit dingers, including Danny Cruz (20) and Luis Sagredo (17), first and third in the CL, respectively.

Game 1
OCT: SS C. Miller – CF Riffer – RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Sagredo – 3B Schmit – 2B A. Rojas – P J. Robinson
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF Wallace – RF Salgado – 1B Maruyama – 3B Zeltser – P Rendon

The Raccoons managed two hits and a double play (Maruyama) the first time through, but at least Rendon was pretty, pretty sharp, retiring the Thunder in order to begin the game, and whiffing six through four innings, including five consecutively at one point. Robinson got five Critters in four innings, but also conceded a run in the bottom 4th. He walked Kurt Wall, threw a wild pitch, and Justin Fowler doubled in the catcher for a 1-0 score. Danny Cruz’ leadoff single in the fifth dispelled Rendon’s perfect bid, and before long the Thunder also overcame their crushing deficit when Luis Sagredo bombed his 18th on a 3-2 pitch. The Thunder loaded the bags one inning later; Chris Miller and Lorenzo Celaya hit singles, Cruz walked on four pitches with two outs, and then somehow Mike Burgess didn’t put the dagger in, but popped out to Berto at short.

When Rendon retired to his chambers after seven innings, he held a new 3-2 lead. Stalker had opened the bottom 6th with a single, but the Coons didn’t get the tying run off first base for a while. Wall lined out, and Fowler hit into fielder’s choice that got Stalker forced out at second base. Wallace and Salgado, though, would slap ground balls between either corner infielder and their respective base, both just barely fair, and both just barely getting a run home; Wallace had an RBI double to right, and Salgado an RBI single to left to take the lead. After Kulp and David Fernandez retired the top of the order in the top of the eighth without giving me more incentive to throw myself off a bridge into the Willamette, the bottom of the inning saw Oklahoma lefty Tony Gallardo in trouble. Kurt Wall hit a 1-out double. The Thunder wanted no part of Fowler, who was put on intentionally, but then Wallace singled to center to load the bases. Hugo Salgado pushed a grounder through the left side for an RBI, but Preston Pinkerton batted for Maruyama, which was righty-for-righty, but everybody knew why the Coons were doing it. He struck out, still, and Marsingill batted for a hitless Bob Zeltser and flew out to center, stranding three for good. It didn’t matter – Ed Blair struck out two and got Luis Sagredo on a grounder to finish the game as quickly as possible. 4-2 Coons. Stalker 2-4, 2B; Wallace 2-4, 2B, RBI; Salgado 3-4, 2 RBI; Rendon 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 8 K, W (8-7) and 1-2, 2B;

Preston Pinkerton had not seen action at all the entire prior week. Now I know why.

We were still a man short on the pitching side and needed a starter by Friday. Livingston hadn’t done the VERY worst job in his spot start (not good at all, but it wasn’t three innings, six runs…) and we might survive pitching him once more. We did need a seventh reliever, though. Edgar Barrios and his .184 bat were bumped back to St. Petersburg and we brought back left-handed specter of doom, Jason Gurney (0-1, 5.19 ERA with Portland; 4-0, 2.84 ERA with St. Pete).

In any case, nobody got his feelings hurt on Wednesday, which saw a rainout and postponement into a Thursday double-header. Imagine that – the Coons had gone three consecutive days without losing horribly!

Game 2
OCT: SS C. Miller – CF Riffer – RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Sagredo – 3B Schmit – 2B A. Rojas – P del Rio
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Willes

Since getting booted out of Portland, del Rio had started and won twice, but gave up the first run in the first leg of the double header, walking Fowler in the bottom 2nd and surrendering the run on Rich Vickers’ single. The Thunder got even right in the following half-inning, Celaya doubling home Chris Miller, who had singled and taken an extra base when Jimmy Wallace had shown off that cursed glove of his again and had overrun the ball when there was no particular hurry to the play. The run was earned, though, and it was 2-1 Thunder an inning later. Willes walked Sagredo and Andy Schmit in full counts to begin the top 4th, always such a boon in a double header… and while Alfredo Rojas popped out and del Rio bunted foul until the disgusted umpire sent his bum back to the dugout, Chris Miller dropped an RBI single in leftfield. Ben Riffer flew out to Wallace, who made a solid catch thanks to not having to move at all. That was only the start; Celaya hit a 430-foot bomb to lead off the fifth, and it was straight into the waste bin from there. Cruz singled, Burgess singled, Sagredo bunted them over. Andy Schmit grounded to Vickers, who threw the ball away, while a run would have scored anyway. Rojas and del Rio (ARGH!!) hit doubles to plate another three runs, and at that point Willes was sent into the darkened room to think about what he had done. Somehow Antonio Prieto managed to not surrender another five runs in a 7-1 losing effort…

Straight 2-out singles by Maruyama (!), Prieto (!!), and Ramos plated one run in the bottom 5th, but, eh, come on… Burgess homered off Prieto in the sixth to get the run back, and after that the Raccoons parked Jason Gurney on the mound (double-switching out Fowler as a white flag) and expected him to find nine outs before his arm would fall off. He didn’t. The Thunder mauled him for two runs in the seventh and left another three batters on base after getting two hits and three walks off Gurney, who was useless even in mop-up duty. Another run scored in the eighth when the Coons couldn’t turn two behind Gurney with runners on the corners, one out, and Chris Miller grounding to Berto. Preston Pinkerton pitched the ninth inning, allowing on runs on two walks and a single, then hit a 2-run triple over Ben Riffer in the bottom of the inning, and yet it was all in vain once again… 11-5 Thunder. Salgado 1-1, RBI; Stalker (PH) 1-1; Vickers 2-4, 2B, RBI; Maruyama 2-4; Pinkerton 1-2, 3B, 2 RBI;

Well, I knew someone who’s bum was back on the waiver wire tonight, his bum and his 6.97 ERA…

Game 3
OCT: SS C. Miller – CF Riffer – RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – LF Sagredo – 3B Schmit – C L. Riley – 2B A. Rojas – P Bojorques
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Wall – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Marsingill – P Chavez

We needed a solid effort from Bernie in this game given that our long relief options were mostly gone and if we had to use Livingston in a relief role we’d have to call up the next-best dumb thing from AAA to fill in on Friday, in this case 2029 second-rounder Bob Thomson and his 4.22 ERA with the Alley Cats. Opposing the Coons was right-hander Mario Bojorques (5-3, 3.93 ERA), who surrendered a leadoff double to Ramos in the bottom 1st, but then coaxed three ****ty outs from the next three Raccoons. In the second, Portland got a chance without any merits of their own, Wall reaching on a Miller error and Stalker getting nailed. Zeltser grounded into a fielder’s choice at second base, but Marsingill banged a ball off the fence for an RBI double, the first run in the game. That was all in the inning, though. Bernie fanned, Berto walked, and Manny Fernandez’ fly to center was caught by Riffer, stranding three. Stalker had runners on the corners in the third and hit into an inning-ending double play. About there I knew in the cavity of my heart area we’d lose.

The problem was that while Bernie was still shutting out the Thunder, he was doing so in as inefficiently a manner as possible, leaking six batters on base and running a handful of full counts in the first four innings alone, enough of getting him up to *80* pitches. The Raccoons scratched out two runs in the fifth, Fowler getting an RBI single and Wall chipping in a sac fly after Manny and Wallace had already hit singles, giving Bernie a 3-0 lead, but Cruz opened the sixth with a single, and the bullpen had to spring into action. He nailed Sagredo in a full count, then got a double play out of a Schmit grounder. Liam Riley spanked an RBI single on Chavez’ 106th pitch and that was hit – here came the hook. Dusty Kulp replaced him, got a comebacker from Alfredo Rojas, and threw it away. Left-handed .139 batter Carlos Rosa would hit for Bojorques, the Coons stuck to Kulp, and somehow we avoided a 12-run homer. Rosa grounded out, ending the inning. Bottom 6th, a Riley throwing error put Zeltser (single) and Marsingill (the thrown-away roller) into scoring position for Rich Vickers, who had entered with Kulp in a double switch, and with nobody out against right-hander Marcos Ochoa. He popped out, and Berto would also have failed to get anybody in, but his roller disappeared under Cruz’ glove for another error, allowing Zeltser to scamper home, 4-1. Ramos stole second, Fernandez hit the next ****ty pop, but Jimmy Wallace romped a fastball into the rightfield corner for a 2-out, 2-run double. Okay, maybe we wouldn’t lose after all…? Justin Fowler’s blast on Sean Bastone’s 0-2 offering put the Coons up 8-1, with five runs in the bottom 6th. Wall doubled, but Dusty Kulp was sent to bat, whiffing, because we needed more outs from him more than we needed another run, or so we thought.

In the event, the Coons got neither. Kulp retired nobody, getting yanked with Miller and Riffer on the corners and nobody out after a pair of sharp singles to begin the top 7th. David Fernandez took the baseball, gave up an RBI double to Celaya, then somehow remembered that the goal was not for him to cause the greatest fireworks, and retired the next three in order on two pops and a K. Wallace would plate Fernandez in the bottom 8th for a run, but even before that Oklahoma got an unearned sac fly out of Chris Wise in the top 8th – another Vickers error playing into their cards – then waffled him for more in the ninth. Cruz walked, Sagredo homered, it was 9-5. Ed Blair was the last available reliever not named Livingston. He retired the next three Thunder in order. 9-5 Coons. M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B; Wallace 4-5, 2 2B, 3 RBI; Fowler 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Wall 2-4, 2B, RBI;

No major league debut for Bob Thomson, but still a roster move. Gurney went onto waivers (like anybody would take that…) and we brought up… well, it was more complicated than that.

Trade

The Raccoons picked up 31-year-old left-hander Steve Gowan (2-4, 4.70 ERA, 1 SV) from the Buffaloes. Gowan, a lifelong struggler with ill control, would fill the hole of garbage disposal man just as well as any other. He would not become a future burden, his contract being up at the end of the season.

We parted with 24-year-old minor league 1B Justin Hatcher, who had been a second-rounder in 2032, and had been brought in with the promise of homegrown power. Like countless others before him, he had become a colossal disappointment. He had hit 14 homers in the minors… in the three years since being drafted combined.

Raccoons (43-57) vs. Condors (68-34) – July 27-29, 2035

The Condors were off to another CL South title, leading the division by double digits in July and having both the best offense AND best pitching in the Continental League. Their run differential was a crisp +168 (Coons: -3), and we had no hopes to not get smothered. This was the last set of the season with them at least, and they had already taken the season series in swift fashion, having won five of six games so far.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (2-0, 2.29 ERA) vs. Ethan Jordan (12-2, 2.30 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-4, 4.13 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (13-4, 2.38 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (8-7, 3.28 ERA) vs. Jimmy Driver (8-7, 3.85 ERA)

Two southpaws of death to begin the series, and if they liked they could skip Driver and throw George Griffin at us, too. That righty had a modest 11-5 record and a 1.82 ERA…

Interestingly enough, Steve Gowan, the newest Critter on the chopping block, had spent most of his career with the Condors.

Game 1
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – 2B Bensinger – SS Bunyon – P Jordan
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 3B Marsingill – 1B Maruyama – RF Pinkerton – P Livingston

Kurt Wall tripled to drive in Vickers for a 1-0 lead in the first inning, and to anybody’s surprise Livingston wasn’t unconscious and bleeding on the mound, with vile birds ripping bits of flesh from his many wounds within minutes. The Condors didn’t score through four, although Jimmy Wallace’s off day probably secured the 1-0 lead through that fourth inning. Disgusting skunk weasel Shane Sanks hit a 1-out double, the third base hit off Livingston, moved up on Jose Flores’ groundout, then was stranded on a fly, mid-depth and near the leftfield line that Manny Fernandez caught to rob Juan Palbes. Whether Wallace would have gotten there was very much in doubt. It didn’t matter too much, ultimately, with Donovan Bunyon and Chris Murphy both dropping doubles in the fifth to get even.

Come the bottom 5th, the Raccoons were very much trying to un-even the game. Vickers drew a 1-out walk. Wall flew out, but Fowler and Fernandez both dropped 2-out singles behind infielders, with Vickers scampering around third base to score the go-ahead run on Manny’s hit. Jordan leaked a 4-pitch walk to Marsingill that was not outright intentional, but it still brought up Chiyosaku Maruyama, the death of all things offensive in Portland. Oh, me and my big mouth – Maruyama chopped a 1-0 pitch into shallow right-center, nobody nearby, and two runs scored to run the tally to 4-1. Pinkerton flew out.

Livingston did not allow another runner while completing seven innings. The 4-1 lead went to Garavito when the Condors sent lefty batter Josh Turley to hit for Jordan at the start of the eighth inning. He allowed nobody on base – but Vickers did with another error, bringing Murphy to first with one out. Alvin Zuazo and Justin Williams made the last outs in order, though. Vickers would then be on the other end of an error in the bottom 8th. Julio San Pedro had loaded the bases with Maruyama (double), Wallace (pinch-walk), and Tony Morales (pinch-hit single). After Ramos whiffed, there were two outs and Vickers rolled over to Bunyon. Oh, I rolled my eyes – another chance swimming down the Willamette while slowly taking on water. Bunyon’s throw to first base went past Zuazo, however, and two runs scored in the ensuing mayhem. Wall grounded out, and in the ninth Dusty Kulp got around a Jose Flores single to finish the game. 6-1 Critters. M. Fernandez 2-4, RBI; Maruyama 3-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Pinkerton 2-3; Morales (PH) 1-1; Livingston 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, W (3-0);

Game 2
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – 2B Bensinger – SS Bunyon – P J. Garcia
POR: 2B Vickers – RF Salgado – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF Wallace – SS Stalker – 1B Maruyama – 3B Zeltser – P Sabre

For once, the other time scored first. Donovan Bunyon’s leadoff triple into the corner in rightfield would have led to a run sooner or later, but that Juan Garcia had to single him in made me salty once again. Worse, Bob Zeltser fudged a Murphy grounder and added another runner with nobody out, but then Sabre whiffed Zuazo, Williams grounded out, and the skunk weasel popped out to Maruyama. In an attempt to get back at Garcia, Sabre slapped a leadoff single in the bottom 3rd, and Garcia was so disgusted he lost composure and walked the bags full, bringing up Wall with nobody out. Kurt hit a 400-footer to the part of the park where it was 410’, but that was still a 2-run double and a lead for the Critters…! It was also all they got in the inning with Garcia issuing one more walk (Stalker) and whiffing the other three batters, so we left three stranded. Garcia walked Zeltser to begin the fourth, but the Critters couldn’t get him in… The lead then disappeared in the top 5th on a leadoff double by Bunyon into the corner again, a bunt, and Murphy’s sac fly.

The sixth inning then saw Sabre soundly dismembered by four Condors each beaking into a different paw and pulling him apart for four hits and three runs. Key piece was Juan Palbes’ 2-run triple past Wallace (…), followed by Jason Bensinger’s RBI single. Down 5-2, Steve Gowan made his Coons debut, and conceded another triple to Bunyon, and into the same dumb rightfield corner as the last two extra-base knocks. Just bean him, for ****’s sake! Garcia hit a sac fly, burying the Coons five deep, and that turned out to be plenty for the last few innings. The Raccoons never put more than one runner on base again, and none of those would score. 7-2 Condors. Wall 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; D. Fernandez 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Can we please salvage a winning week?

Please?

Game 3
TIJ: 2B Bensinger – RF Turley – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – 1B Kramer – SS Bunyon – P Griffin
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Rendon

After a few innings of scattering singles for both teams, the bottom 4th looked like it was go time for the Coons, who saw their bid for a winning week suffocated when the Condors indeed moved in Griffin and his sub-zero ERA. But in the bottom 4th, Griffin issued a leadoff walk to Fowler, then served up Tony Morales’ second double of the game, which placed runners in scoring position for Tim Stalker, who popped out on the first pitch. Weak move for a veteran for sure! Zeltser plated Fowler with a groundout, and four intentionally wide ones to Maruyama and three vicious sinkers to Rendon ended the inning. A Ramos special with a Wallace RBI double made it 2-0 in the bottom 5th, and the Condors walked Fowler with intent to get Morales up. The rookie was on two hits and four bases and saw no point in stopping there, cracking a ball up the middle for an RBI single. Tim Stalker singled to load the sacks, and we hoped for a knockout from Zeltser. It was delivered on a 2-2 pitch that he mashed to right – GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!!!

Up 7-0 and with Griffin getting pulled off the field with a sling around his ankle, it was entirely up to Rendon for how long he’d pitch – it wouldn’t be long though. While he had only allowed four runners in five innings, he had somehow expended 85 pitches doing so and it was hard to imagine him getting further than through six. He got three Condors in order in the sixth – which was followed by Adam Moran being branded with a 3-run homer by Justin Fowler in the bottom of the inning – but Zeltser fumbled Jose Flores’ grounder to begin the seventh and that was the last batter that Rendon would face. Gowan conceded the (unearned) run on a Ken Kramer longshot to left. Fowler almost hit another one in the eighth off Jose Ornelas, but Palbes picked the ball off the fence. Instead, Chris Wise allowed another run in the ninth, but at that point we were counting outs rather than runs… 10-3 Raccoons! Ramos 3-5; Morales 3-4, 2 2B, RBI; Zeltser 1-4, HR, 5 RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (9-7);

In other news

July 23 – LAP RF/LF Oscar Mendoza (.268, 6 HR, 25 RBI) goes on the DL with torn thumb ligament. He is expected to be back at the start of September.
July 24 – The Buffaloes out-homer the Gold Sox, 4-3, but lose a 15-12 see-saw battle in Denver. DEN INF Orlando Nieblas (.311, 7 HR, 50 RBI) hits two homers, a single, and plates six runs.
July 26 – The first major league home run of 25-yr old CHA INF/RF Javier Guevara (.176, 1 HR, 13 RBI) is a walkoff grand slam off BOS MR Wyatt Hamill (3-1, 2.66 ERA, 1 SV) in a heretofore scoreless game, and in the 12th inning, giving the Falcons a 4-0 win.
July 26 – The Rebels deal SP Eric Peck (7-7, 3.94 ERA) to the Wolves for promising outfield prospect Alex Pidgeon.
July 26 – In a special pitching display, the Buffaloes played 18 innings in a double header against the Gold Sox and came up with nothing but goose eggs on the board. Both DEN SP Mike Hodge (15-3, 2.69 ERA) and SP Matt Diduch (8-5, 4.20 ERA) shut them out, Hodge on two and Diduch on three hits, respectively.
July 27 – IND CL Tim Thweatt (0-3, 2.77 ERA, 19 SV) is expected to miss a month with a torn meniscus.
July 28 – It takes 10 innings to score a single run in the Aces-Crusaders game, and when the Crusaders finally walk off, 1-0 winners, that run scores on an error by LVA LF/RF Graciano Salto (.269, 12 HR, 42 RBI).
July 28 – The Knights get C Adam Horner (.303, 3 HR, 26 RBI) and a minor leaguer from the Aces for a prospect.
July 29 – The Loggers deal SP Ernesto Lujan (6-10, 4.29 ERA) to the Aces for 1B Justin LeClerc (.386, 1 HR, 6 RBI in 57 AB).

Complaints and stuff

Sunday dawned with the Raccoons only eight games back in the division. Normally that would be a sign to buy another bat and another arm (maybe even a full set with two legs, another paw, and a snout to gobble cake into). They were also 14 games under .500 and last in the division. It was a weird division. The Crusaders began the day 52-51, half a game off first place.

Oh what could have been!

We got trade offers all week, but everybody wanted the goods and nobody offered proper prospects to sway me. Not that I was entirely idle, but f.e. nobody’s into Jimmy Wallace, who has a decent enough bat, but … well, the rest of the package is a bit stinky, I’ll admit. Ed Blair and unranked prospect Jose Agosto seems to be a popular package to fleece from us. Agosto, 21, from Panama, was signed for $170k in the July IFA period five years ago. Agile middle infielder, singles slapper, could steal some bases (but not on a Berto level), but also has a curious tendency to lose orientation on the basepaths and run into stupid outs. He had started the season in Ham Lake and was still there, batting .275 with three homers. Of his 101 hits, only 19 had gone for extra bases.

Justin Fowler is back up to a tie for second place in RBI in the league, being level at 68 with the skunk weasel. Luis Sagredo has 73, four of those having come in Portland this week…

Coming up, 4-city road trip with three locations east of the Mississippi (ATL, IND, NYC), then a stop in L.A. on the way home. We’ll have the last-place Buffos in for the final interleague matchup of the season after that.

Fun Fact: Tony Morales’ RBI single in the fifth on Sunday was his first RBI in 22 days.

Well, that comes with a couple of *s, doesn’t it? First, there was an All Star Game in between. Second, yeah, his OPS dropped, but nobody expected him to hit for a .930 OPS as a rookie and they hardly ever continue to have a BABIP near .400… he was also cheated out of at-bats by the weather this week, which would have been split three-three between him and Wall, but the rainout on Wednesday moved two right-handed Thunder hurlers into a double-header. I think this is a good kid, and with time he will also draw more walks and hit more homers.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (45-58) @ Knights (47-54) – July 30-August 1, 2035

The Knights were fourth in the South, but just as much done with this season as the Critters, and maybe even more so, trailing the Condors by 20 games. They had the second-most-putrid offense in the CL, having barely made it over 400 runs as of late July, and were average in terms of keeping the other team from scoring. They had done well enough against the Coons, having already taken the season series, 5-1.

Projected matchups:
Colt Willes (8-9, 3.65 ERA) vs. Justin Osterloh (0-2, 4.07 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (7-9, 4.54 ERA) vs. Armando Zaragoza (6-10, 4.95 ERA)
Josh Livingston (3-0, 2.17 ERA) vs. Drew Johnson (9-9, 5.19 ERA)

All righties here; we’d skip their two left-handers.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Willes
ATL: CF Muro – LF Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B K. Henderson – SS Thomson – 3B Maneke – C Horner – 2B Ibarra – P Osterloh

Willes’ first inning was two straight outs, two straight walks, then two straight homers hit by Keith Thomson and Chris Maneke, which was the Raccoons’ equivalent of calling in sick on Monday because you just couldn’t be arsed to show up. Not showing up was especially the Raccoons’ offense, which didn’t get a single lame base hit as long as Willes was in the game, which turned out to be four and two thirds of wobbling constantly. With two outs in the fifth he was knocked out by a Kumanosuke Henderson single, followed by him nailing Thomson with an 0-2 pitch. Garavito entered in a double switch – Bob Zeltser got to rest in a comfy chair for the remainder of the game, rather than in the batter’s box – and rung up Maneke to end the inning. Berto drew a walk and stole his 36th in the top 6th, but that wasn’t generating a base hit, either. Osterloh, still nursing that no-hitter, was then drilled by Garavito in the bottom of the inning. Sometimes, you can just watch a team for an hour or so, and then accurately predict their win percentage to within 20 to 30 points…

Osterloh would lose the no-hitter the following half inning when Justin Fowler landed a 1-out bloop hit. No blame was attributed to Roy Pincus, who gave it his all dashing in, but even with a plus-sized lunge couldn’t make a catch. Instead he played a single into a double. Morales grounded out to short, Stalker got plunked, and Rich Vickers batted for Garavito in the #7 hole and rolled out to Maneke. That was about *it* for this stinker of a game. 4-0 Knights. Fowler 2-3, 2B; Kulp 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – 1B Salgado – P Chavez
ATL: CF Muro – LF Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B K. Henderson – SS Thomson – C Dear – 3B Maneke – 2B Ibarra – P Zaragoza

Somehow, Tuesday was worse. The Raccoons had a Manny Fernandez single in the first inning – yay, once again not no-hit! – and then just disappeared into the peaches. Bernie Chavez was the one with the no-hit bid, at least until Luis Inoa smothered a triple to begin the bottom 4th. Pincus’ groundout plated the runner for the game’s maiden run, and more were to come as Chavez lost cohesion at once. Henderson has nailed, Thomson walked, and Matt Dear singled the bags full. Maneke ticked a ball between Ramos and Vickers for a single, Henderson scored, Fowler’s throw and Thomson arrived at the same time, and a cartoon collision at home plate that saw several sets of fake teeth fly in all possible directions ensued. When the dust settled, rookie Tony Morales was still looking for the ball, while Keith Thomson was ruled safe, before being packed on a stretcher and taken off the field. Adam Horner replaced him. The inning, though, was still going, now with runners in scoring position, one out, and three runs already on the board. Those would be all – Sergio Ibarra whiffed in a full count and Zaragoza flew out to Fowler.

Bottom 5th. Juan Muro singled, and Inoa was tasked with bunting. The ball went to Salgado, who threw it away rather than to Vickers, and the Knights had two more in scoring position with nobody out, upon which Bernie Chavez could have buckled down and fought his way through, but – no. He faced another four Knights, three of which reached base for two more runs, and Dear hit a sac fly with the bases loaded for the first out in the game. Down 6-0, Chavez was finally yanked, but Chris Wise allowed another run on a Maneke single. Of course this was game over – it had been game over at sunrise, three months ago. The Coons dropped a few scattered singles in the later innings to no effect, then drew a pair of 1-out walks off Zaragoza in the ninth. Tony Morales ran a full count, then flew out to center. Kurt Wall pinch-hit … and struck out. 7-0 Knights. M. Fernandez 2-4; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Stalker (PH) 1-1;

I refused to use the team bus to the hotel – their sight made me nauseous. Instead I picked a fight with the guy at the checkout at the nearest liquor store, who looked like 17 and dorky even for that, who insisted that I could only buy two alcoholic items at one time. This was the law now apparently in Georgia. – Say, kid, if I buy two bottles of hard booze, and go out, and come back in, can I buy another two bottles of hard booze? – Does that make sense to you? – See, to me neither!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – C Wall – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Maruyama – P Livingston
ATL: CF Muro – SS Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B K. Henderson – 3B Maneke – C Dear – LF Serrano – 2B Ibarra – P D. Johnson

The Raccoons had the 2-3-4 batters on base on two singles and a walk in the opening frame, then saw Kurt Wall hit into a double play to piss it all away again. The bases were loaded *again* the following inning, and again with one out. Tim Stalker was nailed, Maruyama singled, and Livingston’s bunt was mishandled by Drew Johnson, who tired to get Stalker at third base, but the play was bungled and everybody was safe. Ramos popped out foul, Salgado dropped an RBI single into right, barely, and then Fernandez rolled over to Maneke to strand another three. Kumanosuke Henderson wiped it all away with one stroke off Livingston, homering to left to begin the bottom 2nd. Maneke doubled, Serrano walked, and Ibarra singled after that, but now the Knights left three aboard; Johnson popped out, and Wallace caught Muro’s fly right at him. They left ANOTHER three in the third; Inoa, Pincus, and Dear were stranded in that instance when Danny Serrano lined out to Ramos, who had already caught a pop behind him by Maneke, doing a belly flop in the process. In turn, Salgado lined out to Pincus with Livingston and Ramos in scoring position in the top of the fourth.

That was lots of commotion for a 1-1 game. It ceased being that when Kurt Wall homered to left in the fifth inning, of course with nobody on base. The Critters followed up with two more singles, then had Maruyama make the third out. The Knights would have the bases loaded in the sixth after singles by Ibarra (forced out by Travis Zitzner), Muro, and Inoa, and only one out. Roy Pincus flew out to Fernandez in center, the Knights sent Zitzner, and he was struck down by Manny at home plate to end the inning. Lots of commotion, even for a 2-1 game…

When Wallace hit a leadoff jack off Alfredo Flores in the seventh, it was 3-1. Wall and Stalker hit singles to go to the corners and Maruyama grounded to second base, but the Knights couldn’t turn the double play – Wall scored with Maruyama safe at first base, which was dandy, given that I had left the blunderbuss at home and it was so cumbersome to travel with. Fowler pinch-hit and singled, but Ramos grounded out to end the inning. At that point, both teams combined had stranded 22 runners… While Chris Wise had a clean bottom 7th, the bases were loaded in the eighth. Salgado singled, Fernandez singled, and with one out Flores walked Wall. Zeltser struck out, Stalker grounded out to Maneke. I was about to burst a major blood vessel. Danny Serrano hit a leadoff double off Wise in the bottom 8th, but Ibarra made an out to Stalker, who was then double-switched out for David Fernandez and Rich Vickers with left-handed Adam Horner pinch-hitting. Horner walked, but Muro and Inoa were retired to end the eighth (and strand another pair). The Coons left only one (Vickers) in the ninth, and Ed Blair allowed no base runners in the bottom of that inning, concluding an extremely agitating baseball game… 4-1 Blighters. Salgado 3-4, RBI; Wall 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Stalker 2-4; Fowler (PH) 1-1; Vickers 1-1;

In total, 27 runners were left on base (14 by us, 13 by them), which is precisely half the maximum theoretically strandable in a 9-inning game…

Outrageous.

Raccoons (46-60) @ Indians (49-59) – August 2-5, 2035

On the season, we were up 4-3 on the Indians, like that meant anything. Both teams were still within eight games or fewer of the division lead, which was mind-numbing. Indy was eighth in runs scored and 11th in runs allowed, with a -67 run differential that didn’t compare to the Critters’ -4 RD at all. They also had a swath of injuries, including J.J. Henley, Luis Leija, and a bevvy of relievers, including closer Tim Thweatt.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (5-5, 4.56 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (11-8, 3.60 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (9-7, 3.12 ERA) vs. Josh Walsh (9-7, 2.79 ERA)
Colt Willes (8-10, 3.78 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (6-12, 4.93 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (7-10, 4.74 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (8-10, 4.54 ERA)

One southpaw for the entire week, and he’d come right at the end in the Sunday game.

…and there was no game at all on Thursday, ill weather precluding activities on the baseball field. Everybody in the clubhouse presumably played cards or whatever, and I took some booze with mint refreshment since I was out of anything requiring a prescription…

Friday would bring a double header and maybe even serviceable weather. The Raccoons flicked their pitchers around, moving Rendon into the first game.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Maruyama – P Rendon
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Huston – 1B I. Pena – C J. Herrera – SS Benito – P Bressner

You couldn’t say the unexpected off day broke the Coons’ momentum – they got three batters on in the opening inning, hit into two fielder’s choices, and finally had Zeltser pop out to strand three, and then would leave another three the following inning. Okay – that inning ended with Maruyama, and counting claws on one paw showed that he was the second man up in the inning. He hit a double off Bressner, then scored on a Ramos single to right. The Raccoons would reel off another SIX 2-out base hits and walks, piling a 5-spot on the unfortunate Bressner, who got no help from his defense. Fernandez hit an RBI triple, and Wallace, Morales, and Stalker also all got RBIs as the line kept moving. Justin Fowler caved Bressner’s skull in for good, smothering a 2-out, 3-run homer with Ramos and Fernandez aboard in the top of the third. The Coons had 12 hits before the Indians had even one, but that would turn out to be a Dan Schneller homer to begin the bottom 4th. Fowler bid for another 3-run homer against Mitch Brothers in the fifth inning, but could only make it to the fence and Josh Garbinski’s glove and not over either one of those.

Rendon struggled a bit with control, but the Raccoons understandably wanted to squeeze as many innings as possible out of him, even if it meant allowing another run or two. The Indians had cobbled together another run in the fifth, then had a Juan Benito homer (his first of the year) and a pinch-hit Joe DiGiacomo double in the bottom 7th, signaling it was time to go to the pen. Steve Gowan stranded the runner in retiring ancient Pablo Sanchez (batting .324) and Dan Schneller. But the Indians continued to try and seep back into the ballgame; with an 8-3 lead, Ramos made an unnecessary throwing error that put John Baron on second base to begin the bottom 8th. Baron was thrown out at home on a Garbinski single, but Gowan kept putting people on base, walking Dan Hutson next. Ivan Pena grounded out sharply, after which we hoped to get the last four outs from Prieto. He had Juan Herrera at 1-2 before nailing him, then allowed a 1-2 RBI single to Benito. Somehow, the tying run was up in Mike Plunkett, who grounded out to Zeltser.

Can we PLEASE get this over with?? Maybe even get an insurance run? Zeltser and Maruyama hit singles in the ninth and – Salgado hit into a double play to end the inning. Bottom 9th, Prieto still on hit. He walked Sanchez, then gave up a double to Schneller. Reluctantly, Ed Blair put down the food bowl, cleaned his paws, and started to toss. Baron hit a mighty deep sac fly – Schneller to third – and Garbinski landed an RBI single. Prieto, the ****ing idiot, actually made us go to the closer… Once in, Blair walked Hutson, allowed an RBI single to Ivan Pena, then another one to Herrera. That one saw Hutson jockey around and slide in safely with the tying run. Salgado’s throw from right to home plate was late and allowed the runners to advance into scoring position, all with only one out. Benito struck out, Jairo Sigala was nailed, and somehow Sanchez flew out to strand three runners and sent the game to extra innings, tied at eight. What THE ACTUAL **** was going on here??? Top 10th, Berto drew a leadoff walk, but was stranded. Fernandez popped out, and neither Wallace (removed for defense) nor Fowler (removed because we were up by five) were in the game anymore. Vickers and Pinkerton made ****ing cheap outs instead. The Indians would drag it out until the 11th inning, where Dusty Kulp, the ****ing rotter, nailed Benito with a 1-2 pitch, then allowed – on an 0-2 pitch – a 2-out walkoff double to Pablo Sanchez. 9-8 Indians. Ramos 2-3, 3 BB, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5, BB, 3B , RBI; Wallace 2-5, RBI; Fowler 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Zeltser 4-5, BB, 2B, RBI; Maruyama 2-5, BB, 2B;

I don’t want to see them play another game today.

I don’t want to see them play another game on any day.

All I want is to go back to Portland, sit down on my good ol’ brown couch, pick up the blunderbuss, and blow my ****ing brains out. Maybe that will stop the agony.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Wall – 3B Zeltser – 1B Salgado – RF Pinkerton – P Sabre
IND: RF Calderín – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – 1B I. Pena – C Sigala – SS Benito – P J. Walsh

This game entirely took place while I was in a cab back to the hotel for the first inning and a bit, and then on my room in an increasingly drunken stupor for the remainder of it all. It was scoreless and it – Oh, that’s the room service. – Thank you, ma’am. (passes a dollar for a tip) Oh, and may I ask you for something? – Bring another bottle of this every hour, until you find me dead on the bed, whenever that is. – Thank you.

The damn Arrowheads would scored first, because the Raccoons were really just a façade for constant disappointment and suppressed anger at this point; Garbinski and Pena hit doubles off Sabre in the bottom 4th to make it 1-0, and Sigala dumped a 2-out single to also get Pena around, 2-0. After Kurt Wall’s leadoff single in the fifth – the second hit of the game for the visitors – Zeltser got nailed by Walsh, to which I holleringly objected in no certain terms, but that was not a situation that a strikeout to Salgado and Pinkerton’s 6-4-3 grounder couldn’t resolve for Indy. Sabre lasted seven with only those two runs against him, but made an error in the seventh inning, at that point putting the Coons’ hits and errors totals equal to another. Walsh never allowed a third base hit to them, but walked Fowler with one out in the ninth and was replaced by lefty Ramiro Benavides, who threw three pitches until Kurt Wall hit into a double play. 2-0 Indians. Sabre 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, L (5-6);

(stands on his hotel room’s balcony in an open robe, though thankfully it’s night over Indianapolis, and raises a half-empty bottle of fine wine before screaming) SIC TRANSIT GLORIA MUNDI …! (turns around to crawl back inside, but falls over the metal chair and through the big glass window, smashing it into a thousand pieces)

###

I refused to go to the ballpark on Saturday. I would spend all day in bed and watch the glazers replace the somehow broken door to the balcony. Also, the ballgame.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Willes
IND: RF Calderín – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – 1B I. Pena – C J. Herrera – SS Benito – P Kretzmann

Following Mike Calderín’s single, Dan Schneller hit his 22nd homer of the season to erase Fowler’s Fernandez-scoring single from the first inning, and then some. There was also – (stops and fishes for something on his tongue with his paw) … what… (picks a tiny bit of broken glass from his tongue) … so that’s why I am tasting blood?

Before Portland got another base hit, Indy got another 2-run homer, an Ivan Pena shot in the fourth that also cashed Dan Hutson. To anybody’s surprise, Manny Fernandez hit a 2-run bomb scoring Maruyama in the fifth inning, although that still left the Critters a run short, 4-3, although that deficit would be taken care of by Juan Benito the following inning. The Coons had Fowler on with a leadoff single. He stole second, but Morales flew out to center. Tim Stalker grounded to short, Benito airmailed the ball into the stands, and Fowler was awarded home plate on the error, tying the game at four. After an intentional walk to Zeltser, the Raccoons hit two infield pops. That was Maruyama and Ramos, though. Willes had in between knocked an RBI single to give himself the 5-4 lead. Too bad he still wasn’t fooling anybody, though, and had trouble even getting through six innings.

Top 7th, another Indians error gave the Coons a far chance to pounce. Wallace was on first when Fowler hit a roller in front of home plate. Juan Herrera tried to get two, through the ball to second before either middle infielder was in position to play it, and the ball went to center, where John Baron had to chase it down. Wallace and Fowler reached scoring position with one out for Morales, who was walked intentionally, then Tim Stalker, whom Kretzmann got to 1-2 before hanging a juicy one that Stalker brashed out of sight – GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!! … - It’s alright, dear glazers, don’t – it’s just the baseball game.

Kretzmann gone and the Critters up 9-4 I wondered how the bloody hell they would blow this one. Willes returned for the bottom 7th, but gave up a pinch-hit blast to Jose Jaramillo right away, so that was a nice start. Prieto replaced him and retired absolutely nobody. Calderín double, Schneller homer, Baron single. Exit Prieto, enter Fernandez, who somehow retired three batters without getting a baseball-induced colonoscopy. Which brings us to Chris Wise, who faced the bottom of the order in the bottom of the eighth, and somehow ended up with three aboard, two outs, and three and two to John Baron with 16 homers. Now, Baron was also essentially blind to anything offspeed, which was how Wise fanned him to strand three, but golly Moses, can we get a ****ing normal baseball game from time to time around here?? – It’s alright, dear glazers, I’m just… see… they’re awful. – The Raccoons. – Stop laughing!

After the Blair disaster the day before, Garavito was tapped for the ninth inning, facing 4-5-6, including two lefty bats. The first of those, Garbinski, grounded out. Hutson singled, and the next lefty, Pena, flew out to Pinkerton, in for D at Wallace’s expense. Herrera fell to 2-2 before hitting a ball to left-center, into the gap, and is that even possible… It was extra bases, with Hutson racing through the stop sign at third base. Fowler, to Ramos, relay to the plate, one rookie crashing into another – OUT AT HOME PLATE!! 9-7 Raccoons!! M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-5, RBI; Stalker 1-4, HR, 4 RBI;

It’s okay, dear glazers, it’s over. – No, they won. – The Raccoons. – Stop laughing!

Game 4
POR: 2B Vickers – RF Salgado – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – SS Stalker – 3B Marsingill – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez
IND: RF Calderín – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – 1B I. Pena – C J. Herrera – SS Benito – P Terwilliger

First blood was drawn by the Arrowheads on two leadoff singles and a Garbinski sac fly, while Bernie Chavez looked awful right from the start. He did however hit a double, following up Maruyama’s game-tying homer (!) in the third inning. Vickers singled, Salgado walked, and there were three on with nobody out for the middle of the order. Kurt Wall skillfully hit into a double play, though Chavez scored, before a noticeably annoyed Justin Fowler jacked a fastball over the leftfield fence, scoring Vickers for a 4-1 lead.

…and while Bernie Chavez was far from ideal – a state of general crummyness extending from April to August – the Indians’ next run was on Tim Stalker, who bobbled a Schneller grounder with two outs in the fifth, allowing Benito to score from third base. Schneller was caught stealing by Wall, who then opened the top 6th with a single past Schneller. Fowler doubled, putting a pair in scoring position with nobody out. Fernandez unhelpfully popped out, but Tim Stalker slapped a single through the right side to score both runs, hoping to erase his error this way. That ran the score to 6-2. It didn’t remain like that for long, because Bernie Chavez remained full of ****. Hutson singled in the bottom 6th, Pena homered to right, and with two outs, Chavez faced another three Indians and retired none of them. After Jose Jaramillo’s RBI single, Dusty Kulp came on to face Calderín with the tying run at second base and the go-ahead run on first. Kulp hit the batter – also full of ****, I see – loading them up for Schneller, who grounded out to Marsingill. Three were left stranded in a 6-5 game.

Top 7th, not one, but two infield singles saw Vickers and Wall on the corners against righty Shane Jacobs. Fowler batted with one out, bounced to second base, but the Indians only got Wall; Vickers scored when Fowler beat out the return throw… and then was picked off. Would embarassments ever end? We’d get an answer at some point, but for now the Coons tried to hang on to their 7-5 lead. The Indians didn’t get through against Kulp and Fernandez in the seventh and eighth, then would bring the top of the order against Ed Blair in the ninth. He walked Calderín on four pitches, then gave up a long fly out to Schneller. GODDAMNIT!! STOP ****ING AROUND!! Baron walked, bringing up the winning run, but Garbinski poked too early and grounded out to Vickers, to Stalker, to Maruyama – ballgame. 7-5 Coons. Vickers 2-5; Wall 3-4; Fowler 2-5, HR, 2B, 3 RBI;

In other news

July 30 – The Loggers get wiped out, 14-0, by the Falcons. CHA 2B/SS Oscar Aguirre (.191, 6 HR, 40 RBI) drives in seven runs on three hits and a walk.
August 1 – After 13 innings of no runs whatsoever, RIC OF/1B/2B Telma Mntua (.264, 3 HR, 33 RBI) singles home Ben Freeman to walk off the Rebels against the Gold Sox.
August 1 – The Miners walk off against the Warriors, 4-3 in regulation, when SFW Ethan McCullar (.302, 21 HR, 73 RBI) is charged with a passed ball, allowing PIT OF Chris Russell (.262, 9 HR, 49 RBI) to score from third base with the winning run.
August 2 – SFW C Dean Hill (.239, 1 HR, 10 RBI) caps the Warriors’ 7-run rally against the Stars with a 3-run walkoff homer, sealing an 11-9 win.
August 3 – Each of the starting position players sans one has multiple base hits in a 18-9 thrashing of the Dallas Stars. SFW C Ethan McCullar (.304, 22 HR, 77 RBI) has two hits and chases home four runs, the latter being the highest mark on his team, although Dallas’ Ryan Cassell (.241, 3 HR, 43 RBI) drives in five in a losing effort.
August 4 – SFW 1B/CF Pedro Cisneros (.254, 3 HR, 33 RBI) logs his 2,000th base hit in a 3-2 win over the Stars. The milestone is reached with a ninth-inning single off DAL MR Allen Medcalf (1-2, 5.26 ERA, 1 SV).
August 4 – CIN LF/RF Barend Kok (.293, 11 HR, 43 RBI) drives in seven runs on two hits and two walks in a 16-11 madhouse win of the Cyclones over the Capitals.

Complaints and stuff

I have seen cats sewn into burning potato bags with more composure than this team. And I would like to pretend that Friday’s ****show didn’t get to me more than they usually do, but I have a black eye and weird scratch marks on my wrists and don’t even know where they’re coming from…

I have an idea for a side business. We will collect the water from the showers at Raccoons Ballpark, filtered out the soapy bits, and then distill and bottle the rest. The essence of losing, by the worst team in America. It’s the 30s, people are stupid and buy everything with a superlative on it, no matter how dumb and useless. Proof? They’re still coming to our ballgames…

Somehow we are STILL just eight games out, and somehow the damn Elks’ 57-55 mark is enough to lead the stupid division.

I just hope… I mean, we’re clearly not gonna… but I just hope the Loggers win the division. And with no more than 79 wins.

No further trades came around at the deadline. The players I was ready to part with (Kulp, Wallace) found no buyers. The players everybody else wanted (Agosto) were probably useful later, and we had no interest in 35-year-old bums that couldn’t run, field, or walk. We already had Jimmy Wallace, and he was far away from 35.

Fun Fact: The damn Elks would at best tie for third place in any other division with that record.

And in the FL East they’d be fifth.

What did I pick again for our record this year? (glances on the bottom side of a turned-around scrap of paper) Never mind!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (48-62) @ Crusaders (54-57) – August 6-9, 2035

We arrived in New York by Monday to play four with the Crusaders. I hadn’t talked to anybody on the team since Friday, and remained grumpy that they were hurting me with their god-awful idea of how to play baseball. So I would get them back by ignoring them, that would surely hurt them! (peeks around the corner) Well, right now they have their paws and snouts buried in the food bowls, I’ll check back with them later…

With that record, the Crusaders were in the thick of the playoff race in the North, which was sad, really, but, eh, what are you gonna – … they were third in runs scored, but also conceded third-most runs and had a -15 run differential. Their rotation was pretty close to the worst in the CL. And yet, they were 8-3 against the Critters on the season.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (4-0, 2.11 ERA) vs. Jamie O’Leary (4-4, 4.01 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-6, 4.39 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (8-9, 3.69 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (9-7, 3.18 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (4-8, 4.58 ERA)
Colt Willes (9-10, 3.94 ERA) vs. Keith Black (4-9, 4.08 ERA)

O’Leary was the only southpaw on offer.

Sabre would go on short rest after the double header on Friday. Did I even care at this point?

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 2B Vickers – RF Pinkerton – 3B Zeltser – 1B Pinkerton – P Livingston
NYC: CF Sung – SS J. Johnson – 2B M. Hurtado – LF Balado – 3B B. Moore – RF Chavira – 1B J. Brown – C D. Phillips – P O’Leary

Josh Livingston, a bit of the rising star on the team if you could have any such thing 14 games under .500, drove in his own lead with a screaming line drive double with two outs in the second inning. It scored Bob Zeltser and sent Chiyosaku Maruyama to third base, but Berto flew out to Jose Balado. Ramos hadn’t gotten the ball to fall in for all of last week, and he wasn’t going to stop the streak any time soon, it seemed. The 1-0 didn’t last; Bill Moore and Vinny Chavira went to the corners right away in the bottom 2nd, and Josh Brown hit a sac fly. Back to Berto’s problems, the top of the fourth saw Vickers (single), Maruyama (intentional walk), and Livingston (non-intentional walk) on base with two outs. Berto zinged a liner to shallow center, but Yeong-ha Sung arrived there with his limbs in seemingly random order, but it was still enough to shag the ball in a wild tumble, stranding three Critters. Three more were on base in the fifth; Wallace was hit by a pitch, Fowler and Vickers both walked, and Preston Pinkerton came up with one out, and finally someone came through. Pinkerton singled softly to left, two runs scored, and the Coons were up 3-1. So that was why they called him “The Menace”… Zeltser and Maruyama both clipped RBI singles, 5-1, and Livingston’s bunt was taken to third by Devin Phillips. The throw was bad, Zeltser beat it, and Berto was back with three aboard. This time he grounded out to first, which got at least a run home, and also sent O’Leary for the showers. Kurt Wall poked Sal Bedoya’s 0-2 offering for a dying quail to shallow center, and Sung couldn’t get to that one, really, no human could. Two more runs scored. Wallace flew out, ending a 7-run onslaught that saw the Raccoons up 8-1.

Some teams would go into cruise mode here, but I only knew panic mode of the Critters. Nevertheless, Rich Vickers hit a 2-piece off Bedoya in the sixth, extending the score to 10-1, and there would be another, unearned, run off Bedoya, which Livingston singled home with two outs. Josh Livingston – at that point five innings of 1-run ball and unretired in four plate appearances. He’d hit another single off Michael Zabek in the eighth inning. He also kept gliding through the Crusaders lineup until he suddenly encountered Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, who hit a pinch-hit single with two outs in the bottom 8th. Irritated, Livingston walked the bags full before the Critters pulled the plug on him against PH Ted Schlegelmilch in the #4 hole. Dusty Kulp came on and got a groundout to Zeltser on the first pitch, which genuinely surprised me. A flush of singles plated another two runs for Portland in the ninth as they completed a rout to open the week. 13-1 Raccoons. Wall 2-6, 2B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5; M. Fernandez 1-1; Vickers 3-5, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Pinkerton 2-5, 3 RBI; Zeltser 2-6, RBI; Livingston 7.2 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 4 BB, 1 K, W (5-0) and 3-3, BB, 2B, 2 RBI;

For the first time in a bit, the Raccoons got closer to first base than eight games. They were now seven behind both Boston and Elktown, and was it stupid to even track that? Like, get out of last place first maybe?

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Sabre
NYC: LF Balado – CF Sung – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Monge – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – SS J. Brown – C D. Phillips – P E. Cannon

The Coons hoped they’d get Sabre through five innings and could then follow on with any right-hander for two innings; most of the Crusaders’ lineup was right-handed, the exceptions being Sung and Chavira. Since Kulp had been burned the day before, the most realistic follow-up was Prieto. New York took the lead in the second, though in unearned fashion. A Zeltser error put Josh Brown on base, Sabre walked Phillips, and after Cannon bunted them over, Jose Balado ripped a 2-out Wallace (…) triple. Sung flew out more easily after that.

The Coons had nothing going through four, which was so not them after a double-digit riot the day before… When Tim Stalker hit a leadoff jack to right-center in the fifth, it really came out of the blue; Eddie Cannon had only allowed two soft singles until that point. Berto then legged out an infield single and stole his 38th base in the top 6th. Fernandez popped out, but Wallace singled to center, bringing him in with the tying run. Morales singled with two outs, and Tim Stalker notched a single through the left side after that. Wallace scampered around to score, 3-2 Critters, but Tony Morales was struck down in a rundown between second and third base to end the inning. Sabre came back out with the simple task to retire Danny Monge to begin the bottom 6th, then would yield for a left-hander first. Monge singled to right, which was not what we had in mind… Garavito would come on and *somehow* got through the inning, despite nailing Josh Brown with two outs…

Top 7th, Maruyama landed a 1-out double in center. Hugo Salgado batted for the pitcher and singled to left, but Maruyama was sent over-eagerly and thrown out at home plate. Salgado went to second, then didn’t even try for home plate when Berto singled to center. Manny Fernandez then drove a 2-1 pitch into the gap in right-center, where Vinny Chavira tried to make a flying catch, but missed the ball and only got a mouthful of grass for his efforts. Manny had a 2-out, 2-run double to extend the score to 5-2. Lefty Bill Herrmann replaced Cannon and retired Wallace to end the inning. Portland changed their plan again; we went to Chris Wise, asking for a modest five outs before Monge would come up again. We got three, owing to a leadoff walk issued to PH Juan Camps, then Mario Hurtado’s RBI single. Steve Gowan would fan Chavira to begin the eighth and with right-hander Keith Damron pinch-hitting for Herrmann in the #6 hole after that, Ed Blair was tossed in and we’d ask HIM for a modest five outs. This time we got four; the Crusaders nicked him for two singles in the eighth, then a Balado leadoff double and a Hurtado sac fly in the ninth. When he walked Monge it was Chavira’s turn as the winning run (he had 14 homers) and with two outs. That’s why we carry three southpaws in the pen! Because all of you keep ****TING THE MOUND!! David Fernandez appeared, fanned Chavira, and the Coons were winners, at least on paper. 5-4 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4; Morales 2-4; Stalker 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-2; Sabre 5.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, W (6-6);

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Rendon
NYC: CF Sung – SS J. Johnson – 1B Monge – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – LF Damron – 2B J. Brown – C D. Phillips – P Black

Keith Black started this game on short rest – no word on any wrongs having befallen Joe Martin at this point. He allowed a run in the first, Berto singling, taking second by force and third on Phillips’ throwing error, and a Fernandez sac fly brought the run across. The same pair produced another run in the third, then with a Ramos double and a Fernandez RBI single. Berto walked in the fifth, but then had his advance blocked by Rendon, who had knocked a leadoff single. Nobody scored in that inning as the Raccoons retired themselves with a fielder’s choice and two sorry pops. Rendon, stranded at third base, had a good game going even without offensive heroics, though, holding the Crusaders to a Keith Damron single and four strikeouts through five innings. A leadoff walk to Phillips in the bottom 6th seemed to spell trouble, but Black bunted into a double play and Sung flew out to center. Rendon was on 63 pitches through six.

John Johnson hit a leadoff single to right in the bottom 7th, but was stranded on second base as the Raccoons maintained their stranglehold on the series. The Coons got leadoff singles from Wallace and Fowler in the top 8th, then three poor outs – strikeout, popout, groundout. Rendon got three groundouts in the bottom of the inning and would enter the ninth inning on 89 pitches, but had to run the bases before that. Maruyama reached base on a Johnson error to begin the inning, and then Rendon’s bunt was thrown to second base by Phillips, yet late. Two on, no outs, and Keith Black lifted for Mike Hugh, the rule 5 pick the Coons sent back many years ago. He walked Berto to fill the bags, before Fernandez hit into a force at home. Well played by Josh Brown, but not conducive to our efforts to tack on an insurance run! Wallace grounded to Johnson for what oughta be two, but the Crusaders played it too sloppily and Wallace legged out the return throw to get that run home. Fowler fanned, sending Rendon back out a 3-0 leader with the 9-1-2 batters up. Juan Camps – who was included in the package the Raccoons traded for Rendon two winters ago – led off by drawing a walk, but Sung poked into a double play, finely played by Maruyama, who went to first with the grounder before tossing over to Ramos, who slapped Camps out by less than a paw, but more than a whisker. Johnson grounded out to Zeltser. 3-0 Furballs! Ramos 2-3, 2 BB, 2B; Rendon 9.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 4 K, W (10-7) and 1-3;

That is, stealthily, a 5-game winning streak for Portland, the longest of the season.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Willes
NYC: LF Balado – SS J. Johnson – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Monge – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – CF Sung – C D. Phillips – P J. Martin

Another first-inning sac fly, and another unearned run for Portland – Manny Fernandez singled, stole second, reached third on another terrible throw by Phillips, and was plated by Wallace’s sacrifice to left. The Coons didn’t do much more with the 1-0 lead, which disappeared in a shoddy third inning. Martin singled off Willes, who also walked Johnson, then threw a wild pitch that cost the tying run on Hurtado’s fly to right; 1-1, both runs by sac flies, through three.

Back to rookie catchers; while Phillips was a walking, misfiring advertisement for not promoting them (and batting well under .200), Tony Morales followed Fowler’s leadoff single in the fourth with a shot scraping past the inside of the right foul pole. His third career homer broke the 1-1 tie, and while he had slumped off a bit in the last two weeks, he was still batting .289 after the fact. But Willes wasn’t looking right… Chavira touched him for a leadoff jack in the bottom of the inning, cutting the lead to 3-2, and Bill Moore’s sharp single and Sung’s hard fly out to center seemed to spell more trouble. Phillips struck out and Martin popped out, but those were hardly “hitters”.

Portland added two runs in the fifth on straight 2-out singles by the 4-5-6-7 batters. Maruyama was walked intentionally and Willes lined out to Moore, keeping it at 5-2, but the Crusaders made another HARD couple of outs in the bottom of the inning. Willes didn’t look right at all…! Chavira hit a ball that would have been a homer had it gone fair in the bottom 6th, then lined out *hard* (repetitive, I know!) to Zeltser. After that there was another mound conference, the fourth in the game, and it included a reluctant Dr. Chung this time. Willes claimed no ills, then gave up a sharp single to Moore, walked Sung, and even with Phillips and his .163 toothpick up, the Raccoons had seen enough. Prieto replaced him, nailed Phillips with the 0-2 pitch, then rung up the pinch-hitter Damron in a full count, because we don’t do it below “exceedingly dramatic”…

Fowler nearly homered off righty Gabe McGill in the seventh but had to settle for a double. Tony Morales was now walked intentionally. Stalker grounded into a force at third base, 5-unassisted, and a Zeltser single filled the bags for Maruyama, who wisely poked at a 3-1 pitch and flew out to Sung. Morales scored for a sac fly, 6-2, but, oh boy! Vickers walked in the #9 hole, and Berto flew out to Balado, stranding three. I had a bad feeling in my stomach. Bottom 7th, Dusty Kulp gave up a leadoff single to Balado before the Crusaders dashed, sword drawn and visor open, into a strike-em-out-throw-em-out with Johnson flailing and Balado thrown out by Morales. Kulp then wisely hit Hurtado to get a runner back on, Hurtado stole second, then scored on Monge’s single to right. Garavito was brought on to retire Chavira. By the eighth, New York had the tying run at the plate – Balado struck out to strand Sung and Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, on the corners, but neither Garavito nor Wise had looked sharp in that particular inning. Wise found it in his hard to retire the Crusaders on three groundouts in the ninth, though, and the Coons eloped with a 4-game sweep out of nowhere. 6-3 Critters! M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B; Fowler 4-5, 2B; Morales 3-4, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Stalker 3-5, RBI; Zeltser 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Wise 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K, SV (1);

Six wins in a row! I must have boarded the wrong bus in Indy …!

Raccoons (52-62) @ Pacifics (53-63) – August 10-12, 2035

The final stop on the road trip would be L.A., where the Pacifics also weren’t quite sure what had hit them, but they were dead with a 16 1/2 game deficit. They had the worst batting average in the league, scored the eighth-most runs, and allowed the fourth-most. Their pen had a worse ERA than their rotation. They also had a number of unfortunate injuries, including SP Andy Palomares, C Steve Garcia, and RF/LF Oscar Mendoza all on the DL. We had played them last year, dropping two out of three, and had not won ANY of the last five interleague matchups with them. Oh well, we still had ’26…!

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (8-10, 4.81 ERA) vs. Dave Christiansen (8-8, 3.46 ERA)
Josh Livingston (5-0, 2.01 ERA) vs. Andy Jimenes (10-8, 4.04 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (6-6, 4.14 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (5-9, 4.96 ERA)

These three made a total of $11.44M this season, attesting to former glory. They were also a combined 99 years old. Christiansen was the only one of their three southpaws we’d encounter.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 2B Vickers – RF Salgado – 3B Marsingill – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez
LAP: CF Gouveia – LF Dunlap – 1B McGrath – C Kennett – 3B Czachor – 2B Serrato – RF Edens – SS Johnston – P Christiansen

The Pacifics took a 2-0 lead in the first inning, Tom Dunlap and Kevin McGrath driving doubles off Bernie Chavez before a Justin Marsingill error also got McGrath across. Those were the only runs through five innings. Both teams scattered a bevvy of singles, and neither got close to scoring. It was the bottom 5th already when singles by Christiansen and Narciso Gouveia (what a mouthful…) put runners on the corners for the Pacifics; nobody had touched third base in a while before, and nobody touched home plate in the inning, Dunlap and McGrath going down on strikes. They were back on the corners in the sixth with an Elliott Kennett double and Alex Serrato singling past Vickers. George Edens made the second out to Fernandez in the shallow outfield, Kennett held, and maybe we could – No. Ryan Johnston hit an RBI single through Maruyama, the embodiment of everything useless on this team, Dave Christiansen romped a 2-run double through Marsingill, and then Gouveia buried a ball in the stands. Also buried was our winning streak, down 7-0.

Even strafing Christiansen for five singles and three runs in the seventh only got the Raccoons back within slam range. Wall had one RBI, Fowler had two, and Jimmy Wallace had the blood of them all on his paws when he pinch-hit for Steve Gowan in Vickers’ deserted spot and popped out to end the inning. The two-time Pitcher of the Year Christiansen was as undeterred by the development as his manager. Even Salgado’s leadoff single and Marsingill’s RBI triple, followed by a sac fly, could not make them change pitchers in the eighth inning even though the score was now down to 7-5. Christiansen was only hit for in the bottom 8th, in which the Pacifics stranded two against Prieto and David Fernandez when Salgado made a sliding catch on a McGrath drive.

Top 9th, Chun-yeong Chah, southpaw with a 4.21 ERA, would face the 2-3-4 batters. Kurt Wall led off with a double up the leftfield line. Manny Fernandez singled to right, bringing up Fowler in the PERFECT spot. And he hit a deep fly to left! Deep, sending Dunlap back, and – and Dunlap caught it against the fence. Wall scored, but the tying run was still at first base. Tony Morales pinch-hit and struck out. Salgado singled to center, but Fernandez was denied third base with Gouveia all over that ball. It would have to be Marsingill, who slapped the first pitch, a looper over Serrato into no man’s land and IN THERE! Fernandez around third base, George Edens’ throw nowhere near, and the Coons rallied from seven down to tie the game in the ninth inning!! ****ING HELL YES!! Chah walked Maruyama to fill the bases for Tim Stalker, who had dwelled in the #9 hole long enough to come up for the third time already. Before he could deal fatal damage to the Pacifics, Chah unleashed a tremendously high pitch that clanked off Kennett’s glove, off the umpire, and caromed through foul ground, Salgado coming home, no throw – COONS HAVE THE LEAD!!! …and when Stalker walked in a full count to complete this battle, the Pacifics had seen enough of Chah, who looked perplexed as to what was happening. Gabriel Recio came on, a 36-year-old Cuban righty in his fifth ABL season. He’d face Berto, got him to 1-2, and then came down the middle and Berto burned him with a 2-run single to center. Another wild pitch had no lasting effect, with Wall grounding out to Johnston one pitch later. Alright – collect yourselves, everybody! … One after the other! Coons were up 10-7 now. They’d face 4-5-6 in the bottom 9th, all righties, and we had just enough personnel left to put in Ed Blair and hope for a good outcome. Kennett singled to center. Good start. Elder statesmen Ryan Czachor lined out to Maruyama. SETTLE DOWN, ED!! Serrato grounded to Marsingill, who got the lead runner at second, but the relay to first was not in time. George Edens then buried a 3-1 pitch for an RBI double in deep center. DON’T MAKE ME REMOVE YOU AGAIN, ED!! Johnston fell to 0-2 before drilling a drive to deep center. But Justin Fowler – a longtime Pacific! – knew how the park played at what time and he knew a crumbling closer when he saw one. He played three steps deeper – and those three steps made him catch that drive in deep center. 10-8 Furballs!! Ramos 3-6, 2 RBI; Wall 2-6, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5; Fowler 2-3, BB, 3 RBI; Salgado 3-5; Marsingill 3-5, 3B, 2 RBI; Stalker 1-2, BB; Prieto 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

David Fernandez got the W in relief, his first of the season. And we DO have a 7-game winning streak, and yet we are STILL in last place. Sometimes things just stay wicked, I guess?

The gap to the first-place Titans, the only team above .500 in the North, was 6 1/2 at this stage, but we could still achieve as much as a tie for third place by just keeping on winning.

You hear that, boys? Just keep on winning! It’s that easy!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – 1B Maruyama – P Livingston
LAP: CF Gouveia – LF Dunlap – 1B McGrath – RF N. Nelson – C Kennett – 3B Czachor – 2B Bennett – SS Johnston – P Jimenes

The bats were empty – as simple as that. The Saturday game breezed through the innings. The Coons had a hit in the first, another one in the second, then nothing anymore, and the Pacifics through five only got two walks out of Livingston, but never a ball to drop in. Jimenes’ foul pop and two easy flies to center took care of the sixth, but even if Livingston would keep up the pace, he still needed some offensive support. No, the Pacifics would get a hit before the Coons ever got a run, and it was McGrath with a leadoff single in the seventh, clean piece to left, nothing to complain about. Not that ****ty roller that broke up Scott Wade’s no-hitter in ’86 …! The Raccoons kept the runner on first, then got on base for the first time since the second inning themselves when Bob Zeltser hit a 1-out single up the middle in the eighth. Maruyama struck out, and so did Livingston, just before he came apart in the bottom of the inning. PH Romeo Destefani singled to right, Johnston walked, and PH George Edens singled. Three on, no outs, Chris Wise to the rescue! He nailed Gouveia with the first pitch, which was so helpful Dunlap singled in Johnston, but Edens was thrown out at home by Fowler, McGrath singled, and Nate Nelson hit a sac fly. Three runs were probably two more than necessary, so Kennett flew out easily, and they sent out Chah again, facing the top of the order. This time, there were no heroics. The 1-2-3 went just like that, 1-2-3. 3-0 Pacifics. Livingston 7.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K, L (5-1);

Interlude: waiver claim

The Raccoons picked up a new player on waivers by Sunday, sort of. Their December 10, 2034 deal with the Knights was finally transported into bizarro territory when the Knights waived 1B Travis Zitzner (.258, 5 HR, 29 RBI)… and the Coons swooped in to claim his hairy bum, about a month after they had dumped their end of the trade receipts, Adam Avakian, on the Caps. (more on that below)

Chiyosaku Maruyama (.247, 2 HR, 10 RBI) was banished to AAA.

Raccoons (52-62) @ Pacifics (53-63) – August 10-12, 2035

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – P Sabre
LAP: CF Gouveia – LF Dunlap – 1B McGrath – C Kennett – 3B Czachor – 2B Serrato – RF Edens – SS Ferguson – P M. Morrison

The bottom 1st had all the ingredients for early depression – a Tom Dunlap double, a wild pitch, a walk to McGrath, Kennett taking it in the ribs, and a 3-2 count to Czachor, who had seen bad teams left and right in his forever-career… and yet grounded sharply to Vickers for a 4-6-3 double play, leaving Sabre unharmed in the first – not that Raffaello hadn’t asked for a beating! Instead Tony Morales beat the living crap out of a baseball in the second, homering to right for a 1-0 lead. Sabre’s second inning was none better than the first, in fact it was probably worse. The Pacifics had a little 2-out rally with a David Ferguson single, a walk drawn by the opposing pitcher, and then Gouveia’s RBI single to tie the game. Dunlap ground out to Vickers to strand the others before the sky could fall.

There was a certain lust to hit for Sabre after Vickers and Zeltser landed 2-out singles in the fourth, especially with Monday being off, but we didn’t. Sabre struck out, then almost got bombed by Serrato on the first pitch of the bottom 4th. Mark Morrison hit a leadoff single in the bottom 5th, which was dandy. Gouveia whiffed trying, Dunlap singled, and somehow McGrath didn’t take Sabre’s heart right there and fanned, too, trying to hit a goofy baseball. Kennett then fired a 1-2 pitch in the gap, but Manny Fernandez got there. Despite a certified to be terrible pitching performance, it was STILL a 1-1 game through five.

After six innings and 101 ghastly pitches, Sabre was hit for following Zeltser’s 1-out walk in the seventh. Salgado flew out to right, as did Ramos. The offensive vigor of earlier in the week had apparently dissipated entirely, but the same was true for L.A. – it was still 1-1 in the ninth, with Recio taking the ball against the 6-7-8 batters. Zitzner opened with a ringing single, then was run for by Marsingill, who would reach third base on hit-and-run on the 0-2 to Zeltser, and on which Zeltser didn’t hit, Marsingill didn’t really run, and Kennett threw the ball away anyway. With two outs Kurt Wall pinch-hit, but struck out. The game went to extras despite Czachor’s leadoff double off David Fernandez in the bottom 9th. Serrato’s grounder moved him to third base, but Edens crucially struck out. Ferguson flew out to Fowler to send everybody into overtime.

Recio continued and allowed a leadoff single in no man’s land to Berto. Now, Recio was essentially deaf to a guy on first base, but Kennett had some kind of arm; what would the Raccoons do w- oh, and he’s going! And Kennett had even called for a high pitch because he could see Ramos getting a grip on the hindpaws from miles away, but Recio still took his dear time delivering a pitch. Berto swiped his 40th base on the pitchout, and the tie-breaking run was at second base with nobody out. Fernandez’ grounder moved him to third, but Recio walked Wallace half-heartedly, trying to get Fowler for the second out. He didn’t; Justin made it twice Berto’s SB total in RBIs, doubling home both runners with a gapper in left-center, and the home crowd applauded their ex-hero politely – it was not like *he* was robbing them of the playoffs… Two more walks filled the bases, Vickers hit a sac fly, Zeltser slapped an RBI single off Raul de la Rosa, who walked Pinkerton in the #9 hole, and Berto flew out to Dunlap to end the inning. Up by four, the Coons still sent in Blair, because the only readily available alternative would be Gowan, and we’d rather not. T.J. Bennett led off with a single. Oh goody!! Gouveia popped out, but Blair walked Dunlap before running a full count on McGrath and his 14 homers. The runners went on the 3-2, and then for some reason Bennett turned around after 30 feet, while McGrath was rung up, and with Dunlap suddenly having his *** hang out in the wind. Morales fired to Vickers, who slapped a tag on Dunlap to end the game, the old 2-4 double play! 5-1 Raccoons! Ramos 3-6; Vickers 2-4, RBI; Zeltser 2-4, BB, RBI;

David Fernandez picked up his second win in relief, in this series and overall in ’35.

In other news

August 6 – IND RF/LF Pablo Sanchez (.325, 7 HR, 42 RBI) will have his age 41 season interrupted by four weeks on the DL, having sprained an ankle on the prior weekend.
August 7 – OCT RF Lorenzo Celaya (.316, 8 HR, 59 RBI) reports to the DL with a broken elbow and is out for the season.
August 8 – Seven games into his major league career, LVA SS Aiden Ackeret (.316, 0 HR, 3 RBI), a second-rounder in 2032, has to undergo reconstructive surgery on a torn labrum. He is expected to miss at least nine months.
August 8 – A SFB 1B Justin Uliasz (.223, 6 HR, 26 RBI) homer is the only scoring in the Bayhawks’ 1-0 win over the Falcons.
August 9 – CIN LF/RF Vincent Pacheco (.257, 2 HR, 15 RBI) walks off the Cyclones against the Miners, 7-3, with a grand slam off PIT MR Terry Weaver (0-1, 5.17 ERA).
August 9 – SFW RF/LF/1B Travis Sheaffer (.321, 17 HR, 86 RBI) will miss at least a month with an oblique strain.
August 11 – DAL LF Abel Madsen (.306, 10 HR, 48 RBI) is prescribed two weeks of rest with back soreness.
August 12 – The Loggers pound out 24 hits in a 10-6 regulation win over the Stars. 1B Justin LeClerc (.317, 4 HR, 13 RBI) has five hits, all singles, and two RBI.
August 12 – Tijuana RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.343, 13 HR, 68 RBI) is done for the year with a torn quad.

Complaints and stuff

This division is gonna be the death of me. We are 5 1/2 back … and STILL in last place. Yes, we could be second as soon as Thursday. But look at those Titans! That sneaky bugger of a 60-58 club, building momentum! They’re a strong 6-5 in August.

Yes, I know, I said no more Travises, ever again, but … well, you’ve seen it. No need to explain. Maybe he can … he won’t! - … but maybe he can? If he wants to.

But he didn’t get his #13 back, which had since been claimed by Tony Morales. Zitzner will have #19 now.

Speaking of our personal orgy of failed first basemen, how is Adam Avakian doing for the Caps? Let’s see, he slugged .350 as a Raccoon. And for the Caps, after 29 games, he’s a bit higher, quite a bit higher, at .405 … - What do you mean, Cristiano, that’s his batting average?? - .405/.442/.664?? – Why???

Fun Fact: Wednesday’s was Gilberto Rendon’s first career shutout, and he did it against his old team!

Well, it’s that lack of stamina. He never had as much as a complete game for the Bayhawks or Crusaders, and this was only his second complete game overall.

Here’s another goody: the Raccoons once signed Rendon out of Costa Rica, all the way back in 2021. He was traded to the Cyclones in late July of 2024, along with Dwayne Metts, for Terry Kopp. Well, without Kopp the Critters have a hard time winning any silverware in ’26!

[Bub13]

Originally Posted by Westheim

Yes, I know, I said no more Travises, ever again, but … well, you’ve seen it. No need to explain. Maybe he can … he won’t! - … but maybe he can? If he wants to.

This won't end well.