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Old 08-31-2019, 11:59 AM   #2961
Westheim
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Raccoons (23-39) @ Blue Sox (33-27) – June 14-16, 2032

Both these teams had been swept on the weekend, but one of them still sat in first place in their division. Hint: it was not the Raccoons. The Sox had a strong top 3 pitching staff, despite some hiccups with the rotation, while the offense was crummy and only put out the ninth-most runs in the Federal League. Even the lowly Coons were reasonably near them in terms of runs scored. Not that there was a competition in the runs allowed department… They were also leading the FL in stolen bases, which would likely put the hurt on the Raccoons catching corps, too… These teams had also squared off last year; back then the Coons were swept.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (2-6, 5.45 ERA) vs. Sean Fowler (7-3, 2.78 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-4, 3.76 ERA) vs. Pat Staley (1-5, 4.98 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-6, 4.89 ERA) vs. Pablo Correa (6-2, 3.33 ERA)

Right, right, left. Two key bats were missing for the Sox, with Jim Allen and Fabien Ugolino on the DL.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 1B Howden – 2B Stalker – CF Braun – C James – P Gurney
NAS: 1B Montellano – SS Salmonsen – 2B Bouldin – 3B Bossert – LF Ferrero – RF Leija – CF R. Sanchez – C A. Jaramillo – P Fowler

Long balls by Luis Leija and Alex Jaramillo put the Sox up 2-0 in the second against Gurney, who was not fooling anybody while pitching with the uncomfortable backup of a completely bombed out bullpen. The Raccoons had collected only a single up to then, Stalker reaching on the infield variety before getting picked off right away… The Blue Sox tacked on three runs in the bottom 3rd, an inning in which Gurney retired none of the first four batters and got raided and raided and raided from there. No Raccoon would land another base hit until Gurney slapped a 2-out RBI single in the fifth, plating Adam Braun, who had reached on an error, actually the third error for the Blue Sox already. They were the best team on defense in the Federal League, yet here they were surprisingly leaky – not that it helped the damn Critters any.

Billy Bouldin’s throwing error put Jimmy Wallace at second base with one out in the sixth. Fowler nicked Rodriguez, threw a wild pitch, then gave up a 2-run double to Jarod Howden, suddenly bringing the tying run to the plate. Stalker drew the walk, but Braun grounded to Bouldin, who lobbed to Seth Salmonsen - … well, in his general direction, but off the glove of a desperately reaching Salmonsen. That was the FIFTH error for the Sox in this game! It brought up Giovanni James with three on and one out. Fowler, by now understandably rattled, threw an egg over the middle, James sniffed it and belted it to right, and Luis Leija didn’t bother. GRAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!

Gurney, who had known beforehand that he wouldn’t come out before he had thrown at least 110 pitches, somehow made his way through seven with a 7-5 lead after the early shackling, which included dodging his way around a leadoff walk to our former bench warmer Butch Gerster in the bottom 7th, but the 1-2-3 batters in the lineup made outs, including the maligned Bouldin, a .359 batter with one homer, flying out to Braun. Gurney even batted in the eighth with Braun on third base, one out, and an 8-5 lead; Braun had doubled in Stalker, who had been walked to start the frame by Mike Bass. Ramos came after Gurney and slapped an RBI single, 9-5, and extended a hitting streak to 13 games. He stole his 20th bag, too, but was left on when Perkins grounded out. Gurney returned for the bottom 8th, but on a short leash with 108 pitches already on the ledger – but pickings were slim in the pen! Bates, Fernandez, Garavito had all thrown three days in a row. Wise had thrown 43 pitches on Sunday, mostly heart-breaking, and we would really like to not use him in this game. Jared Stone had not pitched on Sunday, and Anaya and Hennessy were also available. But tricking another one or two outs with Gurney would be awesome… The baseball gods said NO though, and Gurney croaked with leadoff walks to Chance Bossert and Noel Ferrero. Stone replaced him, allowed an RBI single to Leija, 9-6, then a roller to Raul Sanchez along the third base line that was never going to result in an out. The infield single loaded the bases with zip retired. Alex Jaramillo ran a 3-1 count before poking. Grounder to Stalker, to Ramos, to Howden – two outs, but Ferrero scored, 9-7. Jose Jaramillo hit for Bass, grounded out to Perkins, and that ended the inning. Zitzner and Stalker went to the corners with two outs in the top 9th, but were stranded when J.D. Ryerson rung up Braun. Portland went to Hennessy in the bottom 9th, and five pitches ended the game. Carlos Montellano grounded out to Perkins. Salmonsen fouled out. Bouldin bounced out to Stalker. 9-7 Coons. Zitzner (PH) 1-1; Stalker 2-3, 2 BB; James 1-4, HR, 4 RBI;

Well, that was some rough ****. All the Sox’ runs were earned. Six of our nine runs were unearned, the one in the fifth and all but one in the sixth inning…

The middle game I was taking in before the draft again, having flown back to New York, but not in that bar this time, across the street from the league office. Both the patrons and the cab drivers were out to get me there, and I preferred the relative safety of the bar in the hotel.

From a professional standpoint, except for Fernandez all Coons relievers were available again. Fernandez had thrown 74 pitches in three consecutive games, including 38 in the Sunday game, and would be held out for another day.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – CF Braun – LF Hall – C James – P del Rio
NAS: 2B Bouldin – C M. Sanchez – 3B Bossert – CF R. Sanchez – LF Ferrero – RF C. Sanchez – SS B. Gonzalez – 1B Montellano – P Staley

Ignacio got raided for three runs in the first inning, all with two outs. Bossert singled, stole second, came around on Raul Sanchez’ single, and then Noel Ferrero hit a real bomb to dead center. Was it really every single game that the opposition threw up a crooked number in the first or second inning? Because it really, really felt that way…… The Coons would take until the fourth to squiggle some. Perkins drew the leadoff walk and Wallace singled, bringing up the tying run with nobody out. Howden got a pitch just barely over the glove of a leaping Billy Gonzalez and the runners could only go, obviously, once the ball had cleared the shortstop, so this single loaded the bases for the .212 menace Adam Braun, who fell to 0-2 before poking an RBI single to shallow right. Nate Hall hit a sac fly, 3-2, and James grounded to short… but now Gonzalez threw a ball away and that one reloaded the bases again for del Rio with one out. He committed himself to the first pitch, ripped it past Gonzalez, and there was another RBI single, and this one tied the score at three. Ramos’ groundout gave the Coons the lead, and Stalker nipped an RBI single, 5-3, before Perkins struck out in a full count to end a 5-spot, three earned.

In a perfect world, del Rio would have gurneyed his way deep into the game now, but by the bottom 5th he was getting crushed again. The human avalanche consisted of Montellano and Bouldin, who both singled, and a walk to Manny Sanchez with one out. Bossert grounded deep behind short, with Ramos stopping the ball, but he couldn’t do anything with it – RBI infield single, 5-4. Raul Sanchez ripped an RBI single on the very next pitch, and Ferrero’s sac fly put Nashville ahead and del Rio in the showers. Garavito took over, and completely ****ed up the game. He walked Carlos Sanchez, threw a wild pitch to score a run, handed a 2-run single to Gonzalez, and then an RBI single to Montellano, which made it 10-5. Staley struck out to end a 7-run fifth, or, as we all know it: “oh shucks, it’s Tuesday”…

The massacre had also dragged on long enough that I had to go to the league office before the end of the game, but when I arrived there, our head scout, who’s name we totally had in our files, like, for payroll and stuff, informed me that Preston Pinkerton was pitching. The Sox put them on the corners against him, but couldn’t add to their total. The Coons had been silent ever since their 5-spot, and remained so until they were down to their last out, when Perkins hit a jack off Mike Bass. Wallace was rung up to end the game. 10-6 Blue Sox. Perkins 2-3, 2 BB, HR, RBI; Braun 1-2, 2 BB, RBI;

Preston Pinkerton was the only Coons “pitcher” to not walk anybody. Nick Bates walked two in the seventh in a messy inning that required him to be surgically removed from a mess by Anaya. Bates was sent to AAA for his troubles (7.1 IP, 8 BB). We called up 2028 third-rounder, right-handed pitcher Travis Coffee. He had started and relieved in AAA this year, piling up a 3.90 ERA in 12 games (8 starts) and 64.2 innings. He would make his major league debut (and become the team’s 22nd pitcher this season). His arsenal was run of the mill; there was nothing special about him at all. The Coons needed a fresh arm, and maybe they could get Tom Shumway to have a terrible accident after all…

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – 2B Stalker – CF Braun – LF Hall – C Wool – P Gutierrez
NAS: 1B Montellano – SS Salmonsen – 2B Bouldin – 3B Bossert – LF Ferrero – RF Leija – CF B. Gonzalez – C A. Jaramillo – P Correa

The Critters took the early lead on Travis Zitzner’s first-inning dinger, plating Berto with his leadoff walk, and Zitzner would also get the Coons their second base hit, a third-inning single that led nowhere, as did Nate Hall’s 2-out double in the fourth. At least Gutierrez was still lining up zeroes at that point – almost like the olden days! – although Noel Ferrero came mighty close to a score-knotting 2-piece of his own in the bottom 4th. Chance Bossert had singled, stolen second, and was stranded with two outs when Wilson Rodriguez caught the ball at the fence. Regardless – the mirror held underneath Rico Gutierrez’ pointy black nose steamed up, and Rico pitched five shutout innings on just two base hits and 57 pitches! Montellano hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, stole second, and then was killed off by Wool when he also tried to nip third base with one out, and the score remained 2-0 through six. A Ramos Special made it 3-0 in the seventh inning thanks to Berto singling, taking #21 by force, and then coming home on Zitzner’s 2-out single to shallow center, while Gutierrez struck out two in a perfect seventh, and one more in the eighth, keeping a 92-pitch shutout going through eight! The Coons did not get an insurance run in the ninth, but sent Gutierrez back out anyway for the bottom 9th, which had as much to do with his 3-hitter in progress as with the bombed out pen.

Of course it went south. Montellano hit a leadoff single, Seth Salmonsen doubled, and Chris Wise was called on with runners in scoring position, nobody out, and the tying run – part of the middle of the order – at the plate. Billy Bouldin singled in the runners at 1-2, but Chance Bossert struck out. Ferrero grounded at Perkins, who zinged to second… or in the general direction. None of the middle infielders could come up with the ball, the error put the winning run on base, and I quietly got up and went to get my **** from the clubhouse so I could beat the traffic of 25 players with heads hanging on the way to the bus. On the bus, I ended up waiting for an eternity before I asked the driver what is weird phone computer said. The weird phone computer said that Raul Sanchez had singled home Bouldin with two outs, but that Carlos Sanchez had grounded out and the game had gone to extras. There, Zitzner and Stalker and Braun loaded the bases against J.D. Ryerson in the 10th, but Hall grounded into a force at home, and Wool flew out to Noel Ferrero to strand them all. The game ended in the 11th with Anaya giving up a double to Ferrero, then a walkoff single to Luis Leija. 4-3 Blue Sox. Ramos 2-5, BB; Zitzner 4-5, HR, 3 RBI; Gutierrez 8.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 5 K;

Then the bus driver admonished me for hitting my head against the rear of the headrest of the seat in front of me.

I just couldn’t get a break…

Raccoons (24-41) @ Indians (34-29) – June 17-20, 2032

Somehow the Raccoons were undefeated against the Indians this season, 3-0, which would certainly be something they’d go about soiling immediately. The Indians were 5 1/2 out of the Titans and really needed the wins, although the numbers for them were frankly ugly. They were ninth in runs scored, eighth in runs allowed, with a -24 run differential and a league-leading five games over their expected record.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (2-5, 6.42 ERA) vs. David Saccoccio (4-5, 3.50 ERA)
Tom Shumway (2-7, 7.90 ERA) vs. Sal Bedoya (3-4, 4.13 ERA)
Jason Gurney (3-6, 5.76 ERA) vs. John McInerney (4-5, 4.59 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-5, 4.54 ERA) vs. Chris Wickham (0-1, 5.11 ERA)

Two right, two left, and also plenty on the DL including pitchers Mitch Brothers and Jim Kretzmann, and regular bats Juan Herrera, Dustin Acor, Alex Zanches, and Elias Sosa.

Note that there is not one pitcher with a winning record slated to start a game in this series…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – LF Braun – C James – CF Pinkerton – P Sabre
IND: 2B Schneller – 1B Regan – RF Plunkett – LF Quintana – C Paiz – 3B A. Velez – SS Eisenberg – CF D. Brown – P Saccoccio

Sabre allowed a single and walked no fewer than three Indians in the opening inning, twice conceding a run with a fielder’s choice and the bases loaded before Frank Eisenberg rolled out to Ramos. Every time the same dredge. Every. ****ing. Time. … Sabre and Ramos hit singles but were left on the corners by Stalker and Perkins in the third, the bottom of which began with a 3-0 count to Greg Regan. The first-sacker poked, grounded to Howden, and Howden, the dumb pig, fumbled it for an error. Mike Plunkett hit into a household 6-4-3, which didn’t make me hate Jarod Howden any less.

Top 5th, Giovanni James hit a leadoff double into the leftfield corner, and was still on base when Ramos came up. Berto cashed the Coons’ first marker with a single to center, stole second, and came home on a Stalker single. Perkins also singled, putting them on the corners for Wallace, who flew out to Dan Brown to end the frame in a 2-2 tie. Amazingly, at this point the Greg Regan single from the first inning was still the only hit for the Indians, and they were retired 1-2-3 in the fifth and sixth by Sabre, who tried to squeeze his ginormous ERA under the six mark. In the seventh, Stalker and Perkins again hit a pair of 2-out singles to get to the corners, with Stalker’s single knocking out Saccoccio, and Perkins’ coming off Juan Melendrez, a southpaw. Zitzner batted for an 0-for-3 Jimmy Wallace, hit a drive to left at 1-2, but had it caught by Alfredo Quintana, ending the inning. Sabre retired another three in a row in the bottom 7th, but also reached 100 pitches and was probably not going to be able to do much more, and his day in fact ended in the top 8th after a Braun single and a 2-out walk to Pinkerton. The Raccoons had earlier replaced the vacated outfielder’s spot with Nate Hall, leaving Wilson Rodriguez to pinch-hit, and he’d do so exactly in this spot. And he struck out.

Travis Coffee made his big league debut in the bottom of the inning, allowing a leadoff single to Brown right away, which was only the second base knock for Indy in this game, compared to ELEVEN for Portland. Coffee went on to retire the next seven Indians, which, yes, did include the first man in the bottom 10th, then still in a 2-2 tie, before Frank Eisenberg hit a single through the left side. Brown grounded out to Ramos, PH Nick Herman popped out to Pinkerton in right. The tie was not broken until the 12th and after a clean inning by Hennessy, when Ramos drew a leadoff walk from Dan McLin, the ex-Coon being in his second inning of work, and reached second on a hit-and-run where Stalker grounded out to Eisenberg. Perkins poked a ball over second base for a single, and Ramos flung the hindpaws well enough to score on the play, 3-2. Hall and Howden flew out, leaving the game and the Furballs to another round of Chris Wise Roulette. They got the good version this time! Quintana struck out, and Edgar Paiz and Alberto Velez grounded out to Stalker. 3-2 Critters. Ramos 2-6, BB, RBI; Stalker 2-6, RBI; Perkins 3-6, RBI; Braun 2-5; Sabre 7.0 IP, 1 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K and 1-3; Coffee 3.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

After this game, the Raccoons decreed that the Elliott Thompson Era had dawned. Josh Wool, batting .181, was told he was going to be optioned to AAA (despite his advanced age, he did have an option). Wool, a veteran, refused, and instead was waived and designated for assignment, which will probably lead to his release by next week.

The New Jerseyman Thompson, 22, was the Coons’ sixth-round selection (#155) in the 2028 draft. He has *excellent* defense behind the plate, makes solid contact, and has a keen eye. He bats left-handed, which unfortunately keeps us stuck with two left-handed hitting catchers, but Thompson will get the lion’s share of the playing time now.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – CF Braun – P Shumway
IND: SS Eisenberg – 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – LF D. Brown – C Paiz – 3B Herman – 1B Regan – CF Nieto – P Bedoya

Bedoya walked Ramos, who stole second, and then was immediately singled home by Tim Stalker to take the 1-0 lead in the first. Nobody else reached base in the inning, and the lead didn’t make it through the bottom of the inning, where Tom Scumbag allowed a single to Plunkett, and also casually walked three, including Nick Herman with two outs and the bases loaded. Regan rolled over to Stalker to strand three. Top 2nd, Elliott Thompson landed a single in his first major league at-bat, moved to third on Braun’s double past Plunkett, and then scored on Shumway’s sac fly, the scumbag’s first RBI of the year. Bottom 2nd, Jon Nieto hit a leadoff single. Shumway tried to take Bedoya’s bunt to second, which failed, and everybody was safe. Eisenberg walked in a full count, and there were three on with nobody out. The pitching coach hustled out and kindly informed Shumway that if he didn’t get his **** together right now, he’d be left in Indy – where he pitched earlier in his career – to die. Schneller struck out, Plunkett hit into a double play, and nobody scored.

Batting practice still continued in the bottom 3rd. Brown drew the leadoff walk, and while Paiz happened into an incidental out, Herman and Regan singled, with the second single scoring the tying run and Adam Braun’s terrible throw to home allowed the other runners into scoring position. Shumway, pitching with an IV, a nurse, and an assistant waving cold air at him with a palm leaf, allowed a 2-run single to Nieto, 4-2, who was bunted to second, and then scored on Eisenberg’s single. Another ****ty throw by Braun allowed Eisenberg into scoring position. Schneller’s RBI single knocked out Shumway, 6-2. Anaya handled the final out of the inning. Another two runs scored off Garavito, who allowed three hits, in the fourth. One o’ those games, really. The Coons would pull two back in the fifth with straight 2-out doubles by their 3-4-5 batters, but it was barely window dressing, because before long they were running out of pitching yet again. Garavito started the bottom 5th, with Eisenberg walking. Schneller bunted, but Garavito also tried to get the lead guy and got nobody. Plunkett legged out an infield single – three on, no outs. Jared Stone replaced him, got a liner to Stalker off Brown’s bat, then a double play from Paiz, nobody scored, which was cold comfort. On to the sixth, where Thompson singled and was supposed to be bunted to second by Stone, but Bedoya – of course – did turn the bunt into a force on the lead runner. Stone also failed to score, obviously, on Ramos’ following double, and Stalker popped out. Pinkerton would up pitching by the seventh, because everything was horrendous. The Indians couldn’t get him in the seventh, but whacked him around for five men on base and two runs before David Fernandez had to be tossed in there just to get out of the inning and back to the hotel. Fernandez walked Schneller with the bases loaded, which then made it 11-4, and allowed ANOTHER three runs on two singles and a walk before Herman hit into a double play to end the ****ing inning. 14-4 Indians. Howden 3-5, 2B, RBI; Thompson 2-4; Stone 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K; Stone 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

Enough.

Tom Shumway (8.40 ERA) was also told he would be optioned to AAA. He also refused the assignment, and was waived and designated for assignment the same night. Jonathan Fleischer would be flown in from AAA and Coffee was penciled in to make Shumway’s next start.

We fully expect that we’ll have to eat the $5M+ left on that contract.

Anything that makes that ****head go away.

Also massacred that night was pitching coach Ramon Gonzales, who had been with the team since 2028. AAA coach Juan Perez was promoted to the job.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – CF Hall – P Gurney
IND: 1B Regan – LF Acor – RF Plunkett – 3B Herman – SS Eisenberg – C Paiz – 2B A. Velez – CF D. Brown – P McInerney

Stalker homered to put the Coons up 1-0 in the first, but again the lead didn’t last. Regan’s leadoff single and Herman’s 2-out double tied the game right away against an easily hittable Jason Gurney. The defense held him together in the next few innings, at least until the Arrowheads started taking aim at the weak link in the outfield. Eisenberg and Paiz rocked extra-base knocks past Jimmy Wallace to grab the lead in the bottom 4th, with Brown getting an intentional walk with two outs and first base open so McInerney could hit a drive to center. Hall caught that, but if you couldn’t trust Gurney to get the third out from the pitcher, you also couldn’t trust him to get it from a .279 right-handed bopper, no matter how old or worn down.

A Velez error on Stalker’s 2-out grounder in the fifth allowed Ramos to score from third base, tying the game again, and now it was about squeezing Gurney maybe through six… and we didn’t even get five. Regan and the resuscitated Dustin Acor began the bottom 5th with outs before Gurney belched up 15 pitches worth of back-to-back 2-out walks to Plunkett and Herman. Eisenberg and Paiz added an RBI single each, and that was the curtain for Gurney. Hennessy replaced him, rung up Velez, and that ****ing ****-*** inning was over. The game, however, was still going on because it was only a casual 4-2, and the Coons had the tying run at the plate in the seventh, and again in the eighth, then against J.J. Rodd, who got tagged with back-to-back leadoff doubles by Zitzner and Wallace before being replaced by Tim Thweatt. The right-hander rung up Rodriguez, rung up Thompson, and then surrendered the tying run on the most terrible bleeder for a soft single into shallow right while facing Nate Hall. The ball was so shallow that it actually helped Wallace, who was halfway to home before Brad Gore was even picking up the ball, and it was 4-4. Howden hit for Fleischer, but struck out, the dumb pig. The Coons stranded another pair, Perkins and Zitzner, when Wallace popped out on a 3-1 in the ninth, and instead Fernandez served up a bomb to send the crowd home happy against fourth-string catcher Will Clark in the bottom 9th. 5-4 Indians. Zitzner 2-4, BB, 2B; Wallace 2-5, 2 2B, RBI; Hall 2-3, BB, RBI;

(screams out of his mind)

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – CF Braun – C James – P del Rio
IND: 2B Schneller – 1B Regan – RF Plunkett – LF Acor – SS Eisenberg – 3B A. Velez – C W. Clark – CF D. Brown – P Wickham

Del Rio was blown up for three runs in the opening inning, because why not? Leadoff walk to Schneller, singles by Regan, Acor, and Eisenberg, and maybe we should forego bothering about pitchers at all at this point. Give the other team a lead of five, and let the Coons hit until they have made three outs nine times. Sounds fair to me. Bottom 2nd, Brown smoked a leadoff double to right, then was bunted to third. Del Rio nailed Schneller, because WHY NOT, then got a comebacker on a 3-2 pitch to Greg Regan, but his throw to second was errant and eluded Tim Stalker, allowing the Indians to score their fourth run while keeping two aboard. Plunkett singled to load them up, Acor doubled to plate two, and I asked one of the bewildered attendants where the nearest drawbridge was located and when a ship would pass through it so I could walk off the open end at that point. Eisenberg’s groundout plated another run to make it 7-0 before Velez rolled over to Stalker.

First, the Raccoons did nothing. Second, del Rio was dragged into the fifth because what could be a better punishment? In the fifth, he stopped retiring anybody, AGAIN. Velez singled with one out. He walked Clark and Brown, then gave up an RBI single to Wickham (…!!!!) and finally walked Schneller with the bases loaded before getting kicked off the mound. Hennessy gave up a sac fly to Regan, then retired Plunkett on a grounder, closing del Rio’s line at ten runs, eight earned, in 4.2 innings. Or, as we say in Portland, an average day at the office. Perhaps more infuriating was the way that Chris Wickham was decimating the Raccoons. The makeshift starter carried a 3-hitter with EIGHT strikeouts through seven, then knocked in an RBI double off Fleischer in the bottom of the inning, because WHY THE **** NOT?? Fleischer put Schneller on, too, then was yanked for Garavito, who walked the bags full against Regan, and coughed up an RBI single to Gore before for unclear reasons, the Indians let go. The Coons instead scored three runs off Wickham in the eighth, that a) didn’t matter, b) didn’t matter, c) came on not one, but TWO errors, and d) didn’t matter. The overall situation was also bad enough to have Wise pitch in the eighth in a 12-3 blowout, because not even Pinkerton was available anymore. 12-3 Indians. Braun 2-4;

In other news

June 14 – A double by NYC CF/RF Tony Coca (.241, 10 HR, 40 RBI) breaks up WAS SP Mario Alva’s (4-7, 3.41 ERA) no-hit bid with two outs in the ninth inning, but will remain the Crusaders’ only knock in a 4-0 Capitals win.
June 14 – TIJ SP Joe Perry (3-5, 5.15 ERA) and TIJ CL Ray Andrews (3-1, 1.95 ERA, 16 SV) combine for a 1-hit shutout of the Pacifics in a 3-0 Condors win. LAP 3B/2B Dave Menth (.299, 10 HR, 27 RBI) hits a third-inning single as L.A.’s only entry in the H column.
June 14 – The Knights’ C/1B Steve Garcia (.281, 3 HR, 28 RBI) has his 21-game hitting streak end with a zipper in four at-bats in a 4-3 loss to the Gold Sox.
June 14 – LVA 1B Jon Gonzalez (.362, 4 HR, 24 RBI) knocks out three hits and plates five runs in the Aces’ 12-7 win over the Scorpions.
June 15 – VAN SP Joe Martin (7-5, 5.29 ERA) spins a 2-hit shutout against the Rebels. The Canadiens win 5-0.
June 15 – While the Miners destroy the Loggers, 15-5, PIT 3B Omar Lastrade (.337, 4 HR, 39 RBI) drives in six runs on a pair of homers.
June 18 – OCT C Mike Burgess (.306, 9 HR, 38 RBI) is out for the next six weeks with a strained hammy.
June 18 – RIC SP Adam Brannum (2-6, 4.97 ERA) is out for the season with radial nerve compression.
June 18 – The Knights pick up SP Tim Wells (4-6, 5.65 ERA) in a deal with the Scorpions, who receive a grab bag of three prospects, including #62 prospect SP Josh Vercher.
June 20 – BOS SP Tony Chavez (7-1, 2.38 ERA, 1 SV) 1-hits the Canadiens in a 3-0 shutout. Vancouver manages only a double by C Fernando Garcia (.296, 3 HR, 31 RBI).
June 20 – The Stars rally for five runs in the bottom of the ninth to smash the Pacifics, 9-6, without making an out. DAL OF/1B Aaron Botzet (.353, 8 HR, 45 RBI) ends the game with a walkoff slam off CL Chun-yeong Chah (7-3, 3.49 ERA, 16 SV).

Complaints and stuff

Kevin Harenberg was Player of the Week for the Knights, batting .417 with 3 HR and 11 RBI. Bless him. He got outta here before the masts got submerged.

Much blood has been shed this week, in which the Critters made it finally to the bottom of the power rankings. Whether The Culling will make the team any better will remain to be seen. But Shumway, Wool, and that “pitching” coach have been tossed. Elliott Thompson is now here; Ed Hooge might join soon because I am also tired of Nate Hall’s act. He was strong in April, now he’s a .125 hitter for more or less the entire month.

Given that the Coons are in early-payout mode, anything can happen now.

1-11 in games decided by 8+ runs. -125 run differential before halftime (see below).

I am surprised I don’t get more questions about why on earth Preston Pinkerton is pitching all the time. Well, he does have non-trivial pitching ratings. He more or less was a pitcher in Little League, did pitch some in high school, and then gradually stopped. He is however a splendid solution for a team with a terrible pitching staff, a free 13th man to pitch garbage inning when the game is out of hand anyway. His main ratings according to our scout, who’s name Maud mentioned very recently to me, are 5/9/6, which is terrible, but everything is terrible, and he’s a 2-way player in the worst way, but this is a baseball team in the worst way, so the arrangement is in fact PERFECT.

Bernie Chavez is on rehab in AAA right now and will rejoin soon, although I haven’t made up my mind yet which sucker he will replace in the rotation. There are about five possible options. I could talk some more about how our “great young pitching” is leading us to the promised land as we speak, but I already have the urge to punch something, and the flight attendant already warned me that if I don’t stop cursing and calling people names, they *will* land in Syracuse and dump me there.

Next week we will get trimmed by the Crusaders and Bayhawks.

Fun Fact: The record for a negative run differential by a Raccoons team is -187, set in 2000.

That was also an abysmal pitching year, but nothing like this. Nobody has ever seen something like this. This pitching staff is the Cracatoa of offensive fireworks, the Aberfan spoil heap slide of nature reclaiming what’s hers, the Mount St. Helens of blasting away every shred of hope in its path.

The over/under on the Coons avoiding 100 losses this season look bleak. There’s a bookie near the stadium in Portland and he’s told me that he doesn’t take bets on that anymore. But if someone would wager a dime on them reaching 63 wins by the end of the year, they can win a car!
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Old 08-31-2019, 09:01 PM   #2962
DD Martin
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I was kind of expecting Pinkerton to replace Scumway in the rotation before you torpedoed Tom Terrifico. Before the end of the season maybe Pinky will get a start? Couldn’t be much worse than what has been trotting out there lately.

On I’ll take that bet on the 63 wins. Remember that great last 2 month run last season.

Last edited by DD Martin; 08-31-2019 at 09:03 PM.
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Old 09-02-2019, 01:02 AM   #2963
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Raccoons (25-44) @ Crusaders (34-34) – June 21-23, 2032

The Furballs arrived in New York in a battered state, and were already down 1-5 in the season series against the Crusaders. New York was sitting at .500, but had a +33 run differential, sitting fifth in runs scored and fourth in runs allowed. Their rotation was the second-best by ERA, while the bullpen was decent.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (3-6, 4.62 ERA) vs. Ramiro Benavides (5-6, 3.72 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-5, 6.03 ERA) vs. Jesse Wright (6-2, 4.31 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (7-3, 2.83 ERA)

Benavides would be their only southpaw. A few regulars were on the DL for the Crusaders, including Chris Reardon and Zachary Ryder, but they would be back in full strength by the start of July.

Game 1
POR: 1B Zitzner – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – CF Braun – C Thompson – 2B Marsingill – P Gutierrez
NYC: RF Malo – 2B M. Hurtado – 3B Obando – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – 1B R. Gomez – SS Hawkins – P Benavides

With rain apparently on the approach, the Coons stranded pairs in each of the first two innings, including Rodriguez flying out to center with Stalker and Wallace aboard in the first, and Marsingill (having forced out Thompson) and Gutierrez (2-out single!) being stranded by Travis Zitzner flying out to center. The third inning started with two on. Benavides walked Tim Stalker, while Justin Perkins reached on an error. Wallace flew to deep right, but couldn’t beat Caleb Malo, Rodriguez whiffed, and then Braun hit one into the gap, and that damn thing finally fell the **** in and made it all the way to the fence for a 2-out, 2-run triple. Thompson left him stranded with a groundout to Guillermo Obando, and then came a light drizzle and leadoff singles by Tom Hawkins and Benavides, swinging away with nobody out against Gutierrez, to put the tying runs on base. Yet, somehow, the Crusaders’ top of the order hit three easy flies that weren’t deep enough, either, and didn’t score. But as usual, the onslaught against Rico Gutierrez was relentless; the fourth began with a Tony Coca single to right, then a pretty big homer to center hit by Matt Dear, tying the game at two.

But that was again all the limited actual damage that the other team would do to Rico Gutierrez, that old tethered, three-legged, one-eyed Coon with half a tail that had been hit by a car at least twice and was still tirelessly crawling towards the nearest bowl of food. He scratched his way through six innings without striking out anybody, which was not a huge news item, but then actually got a chance to win the game when the seventh inning began with a Zitzner single to right and a Stalker double into the leftfield corner. Of course, Zitzner was not going to score from first on a double into any corner, be it in left, or right, or in Chattahoochee, Georgia. The Crusaders stuck to Benavides, but Perkins poked his first pitch past a lunging Tom Hawkins into shallow center for an RBI single that made it 3-2 Coons. Jimmy Wallace turned a 1-2 pitch into a single for the second time in the game, scoring Stalker, and then Benavides came apart completely. Rodriguez filled the bases with a single, and Braun walked on four pitches, 5-2, and that ended the game for the starter. Philip Rogers replaced him with three on and still nobody out, and he would get three of the next four; the exception was Justin Marsingill, who blooped a ball near the leftfield line to cash two more runs to stretch the lead to 7-2. With that, Rico Gutierrez was sent into the bottom 7th on 91 pitches, with Hawkins up to begin the inning. Hawkins popped out, Rob Bobo whiffed, but Malo legged out an infield single to get Gutierrez out of the game after 6.2 innings and 98 pitches. Jared Stone stranded the runner with a pop by Mario Hurtado to second base, but got charged with a run in the eighth on base hits by Obando and Coca. The Critters answered in the ninth against Keith Roofener. Ramos came off the bench to draw a walk and swipe a base, Marsingill also walked, and with two outs Jarod Howden pinch-hit and crashed the first pitch he got to right, deep, and outta here! Never mind the two runs the Crusaders beat out of Anaya in the bottom of the inning, with Malo hitting an RBI triple and coming in on Hurtado’s groundout. 10-5 Raccoons. Stalker 3-5, BB, 2B; Wallace 2-4, BB, RBI; Marsingill 2-4, BB, 2 RBI; Howden (PH) 1-1, HR, 3 RBI;

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – C Thompson – LF Hall – CF Pinkerton – P Sabre
NYC: 3B Obando – 1B Cambra – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – SS Hawkins – RF R. Gomez – LF Malo – P J. Wright

Jimmy Wallace hit a homer for a change, a solo job in the fourth that tied the game at one and erased the lead the Crusaders had taken in the bottom 1st, when my heart had sunk before Sabre logged a single out. Obando, Firmino Cambra, and Mario Hurtado all slapped singles, Obando scored, and two were on base, and things looked like the ship would be sinking early, but Sabre scratched and clawed and found his way out of the mess with a double play. Come the fifth, Wallace found himself at the plate with two outs and Ramos and Perkins aboard, but grounded out to Hurtado to strand the go-ahead runs. Both teams had five hits and one run through five innings, however, Wright had whiffed five and Sabre hadn’t struck out anybody. Thompson hit a single in the sixth, but was left on, and both teams got a guy on via the walk in the seventh, then hit into a double play. On to the eighth, with Wright out of juice after ringing up eight Critters. Manny Sosa got two outs before Howden hit a low liner to right. Rafael Gomez tried to make the catch, but couldn’t quite reach it, and instead the ball got by him and all the way to the track, allowing Howden to reach third base with a 2-out triple! The newest kit on the block, Elliott Thompson, cracked a ball into right for a soft RBI single, and the Critters had a lead on his first career ribbie. That was it for Sabre – after 74 pitches, but with the lead the Coons went back to Stone, who got two outs before nailing Obando. David Fernandez replaced him and got a groundout from Cambra to get to the ninth. Braun hit for Pinkerton and walked to start the to 9th. Rodriguez hit for Fernandez and whiffed, but Ramos hit a gapper to right-center between Coca and Gomez for a double, all of this off Casey Moore. Zitzner hit for a hitless Stalker with two double plays to his credit, but the Crusaders said “no thanks” and put him onto the open base. Perkins hit into a double play, and that was that. Then came Chris Wise, allowed a single to Coca, an RBI double to Dear, and the game was tied. Rafael Gomez with two outs seemed to hit a walkoff double, but Nate Hall somehow got into the way of the ball and speared it send the game to extras.

The 10th saw Marsingill, hitting cleanup because we didn’t really expect him to get an at-bat after we gave the lead to ****ing Chris Wise, drop a leadoff single and get left on first base. Hennessy kept the game alive, and the 11th began with Billy Brotman pitching to Adam Braun, with the 1-1 pitch coming pretty square and then going rather far for a leadoff jack off the former Critter. Hennessy, in the #2 hole, batted to end the inning, then was sent out to pitch the bottom 11th, too, against the middle of the order. How did that go? Strikeout, groundout, strikeout. Thank goodness. 3-2 Furballs. Ramos 3-4, 2 BB, 2B; Marsingill 1-1; Thompson 3-5, RBI; Braun (PH) 1-1, BB, HR, RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 0 K; Hennessy 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (5-1);

Here is a true fact: with this game, John Hennessy, a former rule 5 pick, tied for the team lead in wins! Who’s the other guy with five wins? Ignacio del Rio, who of course started the year in AAA.

What a team.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – CF Braun – LF Hall – C James – P Coffee
NYC: 3B Obando – 1B Payne – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – SS Hawking – LF Bobo – RF J. Lopez – P E. Cannon

The Raccoons unfurled three hits in the opening inning for the Wednesday game. Ramos singled, Stalker doubled, and Perkins procured a lead with a groundout to short. Wallace hit an RBI single, cashing Stalker, and then Howden, the dumb pig, knocked it into a double play. Travis Coffee, in his first *start* after a long relief outing the previous week, gave the 2-0 lead away without hesitation in the bottom of the inning; Joe Payne hit a single, and Tony Coca hit a 2-run homer that was estimated at 440 feet. Coffee allowed another run on two walks in the bottom 2nd, and overall was just completely pitching like stale arse. He ran one 3-ball count after another, and somehow didn’t surrender more runs despite walking five batters in the first four innings, which also casually cost him more than 90 pitches. Coca singled off him with one out in the fifth, but the Coons dragged Coffee through the inning, getting two grounders to Perkins to end the frame and his day after tossing a crisp 107 pitches.

The Coons looked lame for many innings before creating a chance out of the blue in the eighth. Giovanni James led off with a bloop single into shallow right before Elliott Thompson hit for Garavito, but flew out to center. Ramos singled to right, where Jorge Lopez had a slight bobble while James was already winging everything he had to get to third base. He made it, Lopez threw late, and Ramos hustled to second on the throw, which took away the special move from D.P. Stalker. Stalker grounded out to Obando instead, keeping James sitting tight… and Perkins did the same. The ninth would see Casey Moore against the 4-5-6 batters. Wallace reached base with a terrible roller between Hurtado and Gomez for a single. Howden walked on four pitches, moving the tying run to second, and then then Moore balked, putting the go-ahead run in scoring position, too. And with no outs! Adam Braun grounded out to first (…), keeping the runners pinned. Rodriguez hit for Hall and grounded out to Obando, again keeping the runners pinned. The veins in my temples were thumping through my skin. James ran a full count… then flew out to left. 3-2 Crusaders. Ramos 2-4; Stalker 2-4, 2B; Wallace 2-4, RBI;

These last two innings were bad enough that when the stewardess asked whether I wanted a drink, I hissed at her and threw my pudding.

I then spent the rest of the flight cross country strapped to seat with a muzzle.

Raccoons (27-45) vs. Bayhawks (39-32) – June 25-27, 2032

The Coons were winless against San Fran this year, 0-3, which was not something that made the Baybirds special or anything… They were third in runs scored, sixth in runs allowed, and also had a better rotation by ERA than their own pen.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (3-6, 5.87 ERA) vs. Matt Huf (6-6, 4.71 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-6, 5.25 ERA) vs. Joe Dishon (7-3, 3.78 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (4-6, 4.46 ERA) vs. Steve Younts (6-5, 4.38 ERA)

All righties here. Dishon was a 26-year-old swingman that would make his 20th appearance, half of them in relief, and 66.2 innings on the clock.

Game 1
SFB: 2B J. Cruz – CF Balado – RF Suhay – C J. Wood – LF Hawthorne – 3B D. Myers – SS Sears – 1B Pulido – P Huf
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – CF Braun – P Gurney

Causing much agony, Jason Gurney walked three and conceded two on a 2-out double by Dave Myers in the opening inning. Micah Sears over-excitedly popped out behind home plate when patience would have won him any base he could have coveted, stranding two in scoring position. Myers got hit in the claw his next time up in the third inning, which led to his forced removal in favor of Isaiah Russell, and with the way Gurney was going there were two thoughts, first one being that at least it wasn’t another 2-run homer (Ben Suhay was on base), and the second being that this was not even shocking anymore. I expected nothing but The Suck from this pitching staff, day in, night out.

The Baybirds were done with Gurney by the fifth inning. He nailed Suhay with an 0-2 pitch (…!), walked Jimmy Wood, and it was off to the races. George Hawthorne with an RBI single, Isaiah Russell doubled in two, and Micah Sears smacked an RBI single to get up 6-1. Hennessy ended the inning, not that it mattered anymore. The Coons’ run? Stalker had been nailed and doubled in by Perkins in the bottom 3rd, but again – not that it mattered anymore. And it never began to matter – Matt Huf allowed only three hits to his former team, in addition to five walks, but also rung up nine in eight innings of 1-run ball. The Coons did get a run off Ying-hua Ou in the ninth, Marsingill singling home Braun with two outs, but that did not constitute a genuine threat. 6-2 Bayhawks. Marsingill (PH) 1-1, RBI; Fleischer 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K;

Maybe we would have more success if we took random citizens from the street and got them fitting uniforms and a pitcher’s number painted on the back.

Or maybe I just need more booze. (calmly stands up and leaves the room)



(comes back with a barrel of the good stuff in a wheelbarrow)

Game 2
SFB: CF Balado – 1B Caraballo – RF Suhay – C J. Wood – 3B D. Myers – LF Hawthorne – SS J. Cruz – 2B Sears – P Dishon
POR: SS Ramos – RF Rodriguez – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Marsingill – CF Braun – C James – P del Rio

Del Rio struck out four in the first two innings, which was about the output of the four previous starters this week in all the miserable innings they pitched, but it shouldn’t be taken to mean that he didn’t get slammed with the crooked-number hammer just like all the other pitching peasants. After two were stranded in the first, there were another two on in the second. Hawthorne singled, Micah Sears walked, and then Jose Balado took a 1-2 pitch and hit a 2-out, 3-run homer over the fence in leftfield.

The Coons’ starter used almost 100 pitches through five, while Dishon got away with 49 and allowed only two base hits through five. The Critters got six ugh innings from del Rio, then sent Anaya, who gave up a solo bomb to Tomas Caraballo to make it 4-0 in the seventh. The Coons couldn’t score, not in the first five, or in the innings after that, even when Berto Ramos hit a leadoff double in the bottom 8th. The next three Raccoons couldn’t hit a damn thing against Dishon, with Jimmy Wallace going so far in his non-hitting as to not come to the plate with a bat, but rather with a bowl of ramen noodles and chopsticks. Surprisingly, this did not lead to a 2-out hit with Ramos on third base. Dishon continued into the bottom 9th on five hits and two strikeouts, facing the 5-6-7 batters. Zitzner grounded out. Hall hit a double in place of Marsingill. Braun flew out. James whiffed. 4-0 Bayhawks. Hall (PH) 1-1, 2B; Braun 2-4;

I wonder whether Cristiano’s acquaintance Madam knows a spell that makes the sucking go away from a baseball team.

Cristiano, say …

Game 3
SFB: 2B J. Cruz – CF Balado – RF Suhay – LF Hawthorne – 3B D. Myers – SS Sears – C Newport – 1B Pulido – P Younts
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 1B Howden – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – 3B Marsingill – CF Hall – P Gutierrez

The first four Bayhawks hit intensely hard drives off Gutierrez alternating doubles and singles until three of them had scored and there was still nobody out. Micah Sears and Josh Newport would make rather deep outs even after that, and the Raccoons could expect to get their bullpen involved early again in this game. Maybe we could get Pinkerton to make a cameo. Maybe the league would finally fold this embarrassment of a team. But for the moment, the Raccoons did nothing, and the Bayhawks did at least exploit their stupidity. Suhay singled his way on in the third, got a free base on a wild pitch, and otherwise scored on two productive outs to make it 4-0. On to the bottom 3rd, where the Raccoons got Nate Hall on with a leadoff single. Gutierrez struggled to get the bunt down, only managing to do so with two outs, and Ramos hit an infield single. Younts really wanted a strike after he fell to 3-1 on Tim Stalker, and Tim Stalker approved of a pitch right down the middle. He hit it 385 feet to left, and we had a 4-3 ballgame.

Gutierrez lasted into the sixth in bah fashion, but not out of it, although the reason seemed to be a medical ailment. Fleischer was the first guy out of the pen as we once more had to somehow pick 11 outs from an already suffocated bullpen. Somehow Fleischer got five of them despite being completely off the rolls and walking a pair, the first batter he faced in each inning. The Bayhawks failed to exploit either chance, and the score remained 4-3 at the stretch. Younts retired the 6-7-8 batters in the bottom 7th, and the Coons brought Stone and Pinkerton in a double switch in the 8-9 spots in the eighth. Stone retired the Baybirds in order, while Pinkerton led off the bottom of the eighth in the box, where all of a sudden he zeroed in on the 1-1 pitch and romped it over the fence in right – first major league home run for Preston Pinkerton, and it tied the game! Stone had a quick ninth inning, then had a chance to win the game if the Coons could get a run off Rodolfo Cervantes in the bottom of the ninth. Cervantes would fit on the Coons – he had issued more walks than strikeouts. Jimmy Wallace was up first and didn’t get anything that could reasonably be hit by a semi-competent batter. Four tosses, four balls, and the winning run was aboard. Cervantes fell to 3-1 against Rodriguez, who poked, but singled, sparing him to have his skull parted with a pen after the game. Thompson struck out, with Perkins batting for Marsingill. He bounced behind second base, Jose Cruz cut the ball off, but his throw to first was rather desperate, bounced in front of a reaching Jimmy Wood’s glove, and then glanced off the wrist and up. The error was on Cruz, the bases were loaded, and Zitzner would grab a stick for Stone with one out, STUPIDLY poked at the first pitch, hit a comebacker to a thankful Cervantes, and the inning catastrophically deflated in a double play. Zitzner, you ****ING DUMB PIG. You’re EVEN DUMBER THAN THE OTHER DUMB PIG!!!

Vincent Pacheco hit a leadoff triple off Garavito in the 10th, which once again caused me to clamor and wail and reach for Honeypaws for bitterly needed comfort. Somehow, the equally dumb Bayhawks left the runner on base despite having the go-ahead run on third with no outs. A pop, a grounder to Perkins at third, and another groundout negated them of taking the lead. And speaking of stupidity and ****ing dumb pigs, Howden struck out with Pinkerton on third base and two outs in the bottom 10th. Top 11th, Garavito allowed a leadoff single to Newport. Wood struck out, and Cervantes was used to bunt. Garavito took the bunt to second base, but late, and everybody was safe. He then walked Cruz to fill the bases, but struck out Balado, bringing up the left-hander Pacheco. Wait, didn’t he just…? Before I could recall the 10th inning – booze had a habit of impeding memory of every sort – Pacheco had already singled into right-center, two runs were in, and the Coons trundled towards another loss equal parts inept, stupid, and tragic. Bottom 11th, leadoff walk issued by Ying-hua Ou to Wallace, the tying run was back up at the plate. Rodriguez flew out to right. Thompson notched a golden sombrero. Perkins hit a sharp grounder to left, but Sears got in the way and turned the play to end the game and seal the sweep. 6-4 Bayhawks. Stalker 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Pinkerton 2-2, HR, RBI; Stone 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

In other news

June 23 – For reasons best known to them, the Wolves trade for Milwaukee’s SP Josh Weeks (0-10, 5.93 ERA) and a truck full of cash, while the Loggers receive a meager prospect.

Complaints and stuff

Nothing new here. The team is **** in every way you can imagine. And also in some ways you probably couldn’t imagine before.

The Druid has to analyze Rico Gutierrez further to find out what is wrong with him this time. Man, the Raccoons really can’t afford losing their leader in ERA right now …!

(helplessly waves arms)

Also, my pocket schedule says that the Coons, this month, have not won a game on Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday. None. Zero. 0-12.

Monday saw both Tom Shumway and Josh Wool released, with the Raccoons eating a combined $5.4M of remaining contract value, with almost half of that to be paid in 2033, which would have been the last year of Shumway’s 5-year contract. For their $16.5M, the Raccoons wound up with a 19-34 record, 4.23 ERA, and 303 K in 459.2 innings. Not quite Daniel Dickerson, but pretty ****ing close.

Chad is always so much happier than me. I think part of it is that his job comes with much fewer responsibilities, mainly, don’t kick children while you’re dancing around in the mascot costume, and part is definitely also that he’s sniffed all his brains out with glue over the years. Since my dance moves are nothing that excite children or my hips, I will do something else. (screws cap off a tube of glue and moves the tube towards his nose very slowly)

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have not gone 0-9 in a season against a CL South team since 1985, when they failed to win any game against the Knights.

…and of course there was the 1977 season when the Bayhawks won all the games against Portland. They might pull off the feat again this season. They are already two thirds of the way there.

Unfortunately, this season is not even not two thirds of the way there, but we’re still crawling towards halftime.
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1983 * 1989 * 1991 * 1992 * 1993 * 1995 * 1996 * 2010 * 2017 * 2018 * 2019 * 2026 * 2028 * 2035 * 2037 * 2044 * 2045 * 2046 * 2047 * 2048 * 2051 * 2054 * 2055
1 OSANAI : 2 POWELL : 7 NOMURA | RAMOS : 8 REECE : 10 BROWN : 15 HALL : 27 FERNANDEZ : 28 CASAS : 31 CARMONA : 32 WEST : 39 TONER : 46 SAITO

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Old 09-03-2019, 07:15 PM   #2964
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Raccoons (27-48) vs. Thunder (34-40) – June 28-30, 2032

While the Critters had lost four in a row, Oklahoma City had won as many consecutively on the way in here. They were also scoring the most runs in the Continental League; never mind that they had the next-worst pitching to the Coons – they knew how to ****ing hit a baseball and the Raccoons had a staff full of people knowing nothing else than to put baseballs on the loneliest stick and watch it being hit far, far, far away. The Thunder had the worst defense and the very worst pen in the CL, but you had to get there first. The season series stood 2-1 in the Thunder’s favor, and those two had been the Raccoons’ worst bludgeonings of the season, losses of 20-2 and 17-3 in May.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (2-5, 5.59 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (2-3, 5.58 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-1, 3.38 ERA) vs. Andy Jimenes (8-5, 3.30 ERA)
Jason Gurney (3-7, 6.19 ERA) vs. Enrique Guzman (1-6, 6.45 ERA)

We would get only right-handers here. Two regulars were missing from the lineup, with Mike Burgess and Drew Olszewski both on the DL for Oklahoma.

…and did I mention that Nick Valdes dropped in on his way inspect an oil drilling operation in the middle of a nature reserve in Alaska? He had gotten wind of the massive bill incurred for releasing Tom Shumway and demanded some answers; the latter were relating to the crossword puzzle in the Times as he called it, which was actually a rebus in the children’s supplement to the Sunday edition. I don’t know, Nick. That’s a collar, take away the sixth letter, and that is a sheep, take the fifth, first, and third letters. The answer is “collapse”, Nick.

It always is.

Game 1
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – LF Sagredo – CF Dunlap – SS Serrato – 3B T. Fuentes – 2B Rager – C Riley – P M. Morrison
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – CF Braun – P Sabre

Sabre got grounders to the right side from the first five batters he faced, six in total the first time through the lineup, and the Coons made all those plays, too, and in fact he retired the first eight Thunder altogether. The ninth was of course the opposing pitcher and he zinged a single to center with two outs in the top 3rd. Sabre immediately proceeded to walk Lorenzo Celaya, prompting Valdes to ask me whether it would now all go wrong again. I was tempted to say that it went all wrong for me when I decided to forego the secure paperboy career I had entered to become the water carrier for the local softball team in about 1964, a decision that broke my mother’s heart, but somehow I also thought that this was not what he was after, and Danny Cruz – to anybody’s surprise – struck out anyway to strand a pair. Instead, Elliott Thompson landed his first major league extra-base hit, a gapper for a double to lead off the bottom 3rd. Braun and Sabre were no help, but Ramos rolled a poker through the legs of Morrison and had it die right behind the mound, preventing any infielder from making a play on the 2-out RBI infield single. Perkins found the corner for an RBI double, plating Berto from first base, even Jarod Howden singled, but Jimmy Wallace popped out to keep it 2-0. Morrison’s single was the only hit off Sabre in the first five, and Raffaello kept feeding the balls right to Stalker for success. He was also on base in the bottom 5th, courtesy of a Chris Rager error with one out. Ramos singled, then was held up by the incessantly slow pitcher ahead of him when Perkins banged a ball off the fence for an RBI double, 3-0. Howden singed a ball past Alex Serrato’s glove for an RBI single, and that part of the lineup was doing the deed to Morrison for the second time now, but Wallace had not been part the first time and wouldn’t be now; he struck out, and Rodriguez flew out to center, ending the inning with runners on the corners.

The Thunder had singles from Cruz (soft) and Tom Dunlap (not soft at all) in the sixth inning, bringing up Serrato with two outs. His groundout to Perkins was the first time in the game that the left side of the infield was bothered to get involved. In fact, Ramos had put up a beach chair at his position in the fifth and was sipping the contents of a coconut through a straw by the sixth, never mind that it was cloudy with barely more than 60 degrees in Portland, in other words, summer. Sabre would go seven shutout innings on 97 pitches, which qualified as a job well done for sure, and even got approval from Nick Valdes, who was otherwise stunned to see in the books how many, many pitchers were getting paychecks from him for no good reason at all. David Fernandez struck out the side in the eighth, an inning that saw Stalker and Zitzner drive in runs against a Thunder pen that was fascinated by the concept of beating rocks together to make sparks, and Hennessy did away with the ninth inning after an initial leadoff single by Dunlap, who was stranded. 6-0 Coons! Ramos 2-4, BB, RBI; Perkins 3-4, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Howden 2-4, RBI; Zitzner (PH) 1-1, RBI; James (PH) 1-1; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (3-5);

That’s a face, Nick, replace the first letter with B, the third with S, and that round thing with spots is a ball. – What do you mean, “what word is that supposed to be”?? – It’s ****ing BASEBALL!!

He left for Alaska on Tuesday morning to continue to destroy the planet one serene corner of the world at a time. The Coons remained in town, having two more to play with Oklahoma.

Meanwhile we got what had to qualify as bad news, with the Druid informing me that Rico Gutierrez had a ruptured finger tendon and might be out for the season. There goes our ace …! The Coons would dump him to the DL and brought back Bernie Chavez from AAA rehab.

Game 2
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – LF Sagredo – CF Dunlap – SS Serrato – 3B T. Fuentes – 2B Rager – C Riley – P Jimenes
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – RF Wallace – C Thompson – CF Braun – LF Hall – P Coffee

Ramos and Perkins got on base in the first, but Howden struck out, the dumb pig, and Wallace easily rolled over to Rager to end the inning. Coming in we feared the worst for Travis Coffee given that the Thunder had a brutal, mostly left-handed lineup, and were now conditioned to whatever a garbage disposal right-handed rookie could offer them. Things could have been worse the first time through, however, even though Chris Rager hid a pretty sizable home run for the only tally through three innings. Things actually got worse in the fourth, which Coffee opened by walking Danny Cruz, and then proceeded to allow three doubles to Dunlap, Serrato, and Rager in the inning, conceding as many runs to fall 4-0 behind. The Coons got on the board in the bottom 4th; Howden and Wallace began with soft singles, after which the Critters called for a bunt from their rookie catcher, who was hitting .217 and could not be counted on to not kill the rally with a double play ball. Dropping down the bunt he did, but Liam Riley saw Wallace stumble and threw to third base… unfortunately Serrato was not nearly fast enough to make it there in time and the Coons got a run, two in scoring position, and the tying run at the plate with no outs out of the pretty dismal error by Riley. Unfortunately the dim-witted bottom of the order was not going to be of any use here. Braun popped out, Hall was clumsily walked by Jimenes, and then Coffee popped out, bringing up an unretired Ramos with two outs and the tying runs all aboard. Jimenes jittered him four balls to push in a run, but Stalker poked at the first ball for a grounder to Rager, ending the inning at 4-2.

Unfortunately – isn’t everything ‘round here unfortunate? – Coffee continued to have his bowels removed from his core with bare hands in the fifth. Celaya dropped a leadoff single, Cruz cracked an RBI double, scored on two productive outs, and then Serrato raked a new double. That was it – here came our own destitute bullpen. Garavito collected four outs without nasty accidents, while in between the Thunder plated the Coons a run with a passed ball blamed on Riley, who didn’t have a great game, to be kind, and lost Serrato to injury on a weird defensive play in the same bottom 5th. That run blamed on indefensible defense was given back in the seventh inning, though, which the lightning-fast Celaya opened with an infield single against Fleischer, stole second, reached third on Thompson’s throwing error, and then scored when Howden, the dumb pig, fell over a Sagredo grounder for a second dumb error in the inning.

Bottom 8th, a rally. After Nate Hall made a ****ty first out, Justin Marsingill, who had pinch-hit the last time through and had stayed in the game at Stalker’s expense, hit a double to right, but jammed his paw upon sliding into second base. He was removed from the game on grounds of injury, replaced by Pinkerton, who scored when Berto rammed a gapper for an RBI triple. Zitzner batted for Fernandez, dropped an RBI single, and it was now 7-5 with the tying run at the plate, and the Thunder sent Marcos Ochoa, their third reliever of the inning, and one with a 7.93 ERA. Perkins singled up the middle off him. NEXT. Southpaw Tim Colangelo was sent out against Howden, which was a defensible move since another two left-handers were coming up. The Coons pulled out Wilson Rodriguez to pinch-hit, leaving only Giovanni James on the bench. Rodriguez took a strike before grounding to left. Hiroaki Ryu, replacement shortstop, was there, zingers around the diamond, and the inning ended 6-4-3, and Dusty Kulp’s store remained closed in the ninth. 7-5 Thunder. Ramos 3-4, BB, 3B, 2 RBI; Zitzner (PH) 1-1, RBI; Perkins 2-4, BB; Howden 2-3, BB, 2B; Marsingill 1-2, 2B;

Roster move after the game – Justin Marsingill was going to miss at least one week and we weren’t going to wait on that sort of fringe player. He was sent to the DL, and the call-up went out to Ed Hooge, batting .298 with seven homers in AAA. Now, this looks like we were going to play with five infielders, of which two were raw first baseman, but actually Preston Pinkerton has many applications and will go some way to cover our bums, and Wilson Rodriguez also made for an emergency third baseman. The main goal here was to get Ed Hooge, age 22 and drafted at #16 two years ago, some big-league at-bats.

Game 3
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – SS Sagredo – CF Ryu – LF Dunlap – 3B T. Fuentes – C Riley – 2B Rager – P E. Guzman
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – C James – LF Braun – P Gurney

Spiffy infield defense stranded Celaya after a hustle double to open the game, with Gurney allowing hard contact to each and every batter he faced, unless, y’know, he walked them outright. Both Fuentes and Riley reached on free passes in the second inning, but were stranded on soft flies. It took the Thunder a while, but they eventually did claim the lead; Liam Riley, with Tony Fuentes on base, hit a 2-out, 2-run homer to right-center, and on an 0-2 pitch, in the fourth. Those were the first markers on the board, with the Raccoons’ bats stunningly silent. Guzman conceded one hit and two walks through five innings, and then retired the top of the order without much effort in the bottom 6th, too.

Gurney at that point had thrown six 4-hit innings, was on the hook, and had thrown 89 pitches, and here was the bottom of the order, and a baseball team operating on the principle that things were pretty bad today, but would be a little worse tomorrow, had to send the guy back out to get some supposedly cheap outs. To my great relief, he retired the side in order, completing seven perfectly decent innings, and then got a chance to even win the damn thing with Wallace sneaking a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, and then Ed Hooge landed his first career knock with one out, doubling into the gap in left-center. This put the tying runs in scoring position for James, who ran a 2-0 count before raking a liner over the head of Fuentes and down the leftfield line for a score-knotting double! Braun singled to put them on the corners, but when we sent Howden to hit for Gurney, the dumb pig hit a poor roller for an easy out at first base. Ramos was half-heartedly walked to bring up Stalker with three on and two outs in a tied game, hit a 1-2 pitch to right, and Celaya was all over it, ending the inning. Hennessy and Wise would pitch scoreless innings to complete the regular game distance, but that didn’t resolve the 2-2 tie. Ed Hooge’s leadoff single off Colangelo in the bottom 9th did put the winning run on base, however. The plan was to have James bunt, which didn’t work, then to have Hooge run with two strikes, which ended up with a strike-em-out-throw-em-out play. Braun’s soft liner to Fuentes sent the game to overtime. A second inning from Wise only got the Coons deeper into the game; Garavito did a quick 11th, however, and then Dusty Kulp’s second inning began with a gapper smacked by Jimmy Wallace past not missed ex-Coon Joe Vanatti in centerfield. Wallace legged it out for a triple, and now the winning run was 90 feet away for Zitzner, who was 0-for-4 and fell to 1-2 before looping a ball near the rightfield line. Celaya came hustling over and made a headlong catch, sliding across the chalk line in the process. It was an amazing play – but not one that would continue the game. Replay showed Celaya eating some chalk on his heroic slide, and he got some in his eyes, too, and was not in a condition to make a throw to any specific spot. Jimmy Wallace gently strolled home, walking off the Critters. 3-2 Raccoons. Wallace 2-5, 3B; Hooge 2-4, 2B; Braun 2-4; Gurney 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K; Wise 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Raccoons (29-49) @ Loggers (36-40) – July 1-4, 2032

After the top offense in the league (which didn’t burn Raccoons Ballpark to the ground despite the worst upfront projections), the Coon would get to see the worst offense in the league for a 4-game series in Milwaukee. They were plating barely 3.6 runs per game, when even the Coons managed 4.1 markers a contest. They were in the bottom three in most categories any sane soul would bother about. At the same time the anti-Thunder were blessed with a strong pitching staff that had the second-fewest runs allowed and the best bullpen anywhere in the league. Portland held an edge in the season series, 4-3.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (5-7, 5.20 ERA) vs. Francisco Colmenarez (3-4, 2.84 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 9.53 ERA) vs. Joe West (0-6, 4.66 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (3-5, 5.12 ERA) vs. John Nelson (0-1, 4.71 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-2, 6.39 ERA) vs. Josh Long (6-6, 2.94 ERA)

Colmenarez would be the only southpaw this week, and since no off day would come again until the All Star break the Raccoons would sit all left-handed regulars they could in that opener.

Game 1
POR: 1B Zitzner – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Rodriguez – CF Braun – C Thompson – LF Hall – 2B Pinkerton – P del Rio
MIL: CF Creech – SS Sessoms – 2B W. Morris – RF J. Stephenson – 1B M. Monroe – LF Valenzuela – C Dehne – 3B Meehan – P Colmenarez

Portland scratched out a run in the first on Zitzner’s single, Rodriguez drawing four straight balls, and then an RBI single by Adam Braun with two outs. Del Rio looked shaky to say the least; Miles Monroe hit a sharp single in the second, advanced on a wild pitch, and when del Rio had Matt Dehne at 1-2 with two outs he nailed him. While he would strike out Jamie Meehan to end the inning, the Coons were rather wary of their starter’s early showing, and for good reason. His first pitch of the third was an open invitation even to a terribly hitting pitcher like Colmenarez and peppered over the centerfield fence for a score-knotting homer, the second in Colmenarez’ career. Milwaukee took the lead in the same inning; Aaron Sessoms and Wayne Morris poked 1-out singles and went to the corners, and Josh Stephenson’s grounder to Perkins pulled the third baseman in far enough to allow Sessoms to score the go-ahead run.

But there would be more than one pitcher with an RBI in this game. Preston Pinkerton hit a gapper for a leadoff triple in the fifth, and del Rio managed a fly to Stephenson that was deep enough for a sac fly, tying the game at two. Stephenson was also in the center of the action an inning later, landing a leadoff single off del Rio, who then threw a wild pitch through a lunging Thompson to allow the go-ahead run into scoring position. This was again not one of those game that instilled confidence into ANYBODY but the grounds crew. Miles Monroe promptly hit a zinger for a single to left, Stephenson was waved around, the throw from Nate Hall to home plate – OUT! And Monroe didn’t even make it to second base! Danny Valenzuela grounded out, and Dehne again reached a 1-2 count, but this time was blasted away with the fastball to complete six and del Rio also made it through the seventh. In a perfect world the Coons would have taken the lead at some point, but they were held to four hits by Colmenarez and two relievers through eight. Braun reached on an error in the ninth, was run for by Ramos, and everybody knew what was going to happen there. Ramos was thrown out stealing by Dehne, and the Critters didn’t score, nor would they in the 10th. The Loggers, though, did, with D.J. Mendez’ homer off Jonathan Fleischer marking the walkoff. 3-2 Loggers. Pinkerton 2-4, 3B; del Rio 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K;

That marks 50 losses, and if you want to pay attention to the small number in the top right of every day in your Official 2032 Raccoons Pocket Schedule, this was only game #79. Well on pace for 100 losses!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – LF Braun – C James – P Chavez
MIL: CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 2B W. Morris – LF D.J. Mendez – C J. Young – SS Lockert – RF Valenzuela – 3B Meehan – P J. West

The first confirmed Bernie sighting since April began with a strikeout before Morris and Mendez hit back-to-back 2-out singles. Jim Young grounded out to Stalker, but the second began with Matt Lockert reaching second base on Alberto Ramos’ gross throwing error. But just as soon as Lockert was on base, he was also removed, getting doubled off on Danny Valenzuela’s liner to short. Ramos leapt to make the catch, fell to his bottoms, and from there lobbed the ball to Stalker to tag out the returning Lockert. The Coons had only two runners the first time through; one was Chavez drawing a walk, and the other had been Stalker, who had singled and had been caught stealing. He was back up in the third after Ramos hit a 1-out single, but hit into a double play.

Bottom 4th, the Loggers broke through with D.J. Mendez’ leadoff jack, then also put Lockert and Valenzuela on base against Chavez. Jamie Meehan hit a crucial 2-run single over Perkins, and out of the blue the Coons sat in a 3-0 hole again. Not that they didn’t scramble – Adam Braun hit a jack in the fifth, 3-1, James reached base, Ramos did so, too, and Stalker hit a 2-out RBI double, but with the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position Justin Perkins hit a comebacker to end the inning. They stranded another pair in the sixth, but then Chavez led off the top 7th with a double over the head of the usually stingy Gabe Creech. Again the tying run was in scoring position, and now the top of the order was up with nobody out! Why was I even getting excited anymore, though? Ramos grounded out, Stalker hit his second RBI double to tie the game, but then was left in scoring position with hopeless pokes by Perkins and Wallace. Chavez fought his way through seven in a respectable comeback that was crowned with a no-decision. David Fernandez replaced him after 99 pitches to begin the eighth against the middle of the order. The southpaw got through the inning after a 1-out single by Mendez, for whom Will Ojeda would pinch-run, but never got off first base. Portland still had zero in the ninth, sent Garavito into the game, then to the dugout after Dehne and Sessoms camped on the corners with one out. Jared Stone rung up Creech, then got Monroe to fly out easily to Braun. For all the troubles, the Coons won extra innings for the third straight game, but couldn’t get through George Barnett despite a single by Stalker and a walk issued to Howden in the 10th. Come the 11th, right-hander Alexis Zamora would make the first appearance of the season, and 19th of his career. The 28-year-old was the Nick Derks sort of reliever, erratic and unreliable, and also a frequent flyer. He still retired PH Hall and James to begin the inning, but Wilson Rodriguez snuck in a pinch-hit single. Ramos dropped in a bloop to move the go-ahead run to second, and that brought up Tim Stalker, who was already on four base hits and the Coons needed more. And a sharp grounder to right, past Monroe, it was in for a single! Rodriguez sent around, and Valenzuela took too long to get to the ball, Portland had the lead, 4-3! Perkins ended an 0-for-5 shambles with a soft RBI single to shallow right-center, one of the many spots that would allow Berto to comfortably score from second base. Wallace popped out, giving the ball to Chris Wise, who got to face Zamora to begin the bottom 11th, since Milwaukee was out of bench bats! The free strikeout was a good start. Valenzuela singled, but Jason Parten was rung up for the second out, bringing up Sessoms, who was not normally a power threat, but hit a softish looper to shallow left that could tighten the rope around Wise’s neck here – but the Raccoons had removed Wallace for defense, and now had Nate Hall in left. Hall hustled in … and made the catch just in time! 5-3 Coons! Ramos 2-5, BB; Stalker 5-6, 2 2B, 3 RBI; Rodriguez (PH) 1-1; Stone 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K, W (2-0);

…can we stop playing extra innings every day now, though?

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hooge – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – LF Braun – C Thompson – 2B Pinkerton – P Sabre
MIL: CF Creech – SS Sessoms – 2B W. Morris – LF D.J. Mendez – RF J. Stephenson – C J. Young – 1B M. Monroe – 3B Lockert – P J. Nelson

The cautious continuation of Adam Braun’s inexorably slow defrosting process saw him hit his fourth home run in the second inning, putting the Critters up 1-0. They would get a second run on soft singles by Thompson and Pinkerton, a Sabre bunt, and Ramos’ sac fly, but the team gave it all back in the bottom of the inning, with Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, being a principal participant in the 2-run bottom 2nd. Howden mishandled a Stephenson grounder with D.J. Mendez on first and nobody out, which put Sabre into a bit of a bind, and he would not emerge with the lead. Miles Monroe hit an RBI single past a lunging Perkins, and Lockert tied the game with a sac fly. One of the runs turned out unearned.

None of this should excuse Sabre for his ****tacious bottom 3rd, though. The inning started with back-to-back full-count walks to Creech and Sessoms, and Mendez was added to the mix after a pop by Morris. Stephenson hit a comebacker that Sabre turned into the out at home and Jim Young flew out to center, and nobody scored, but COME ON, SABRE!! The Loggers didn’t take the lead until the fifth, then with a Sessoms double through Howden and a Morris RBI single through Perkins, and Portland retied the game in the top of the sixth, but on the other paw the Raccoons sorta had it coming. Wallace’s leadoff single, a walk drawn by Howden, and there were two on with nobody gone in the sixth – and Braun chopped one right into a double play. Elliott Thompson found a hole for an RBI single to stave off that nasty .200 mark for another at-bat, knotting the tally at three, but they probably could have gotten more off Nelson in this inning as well as in the second…

Meanwhile, Sabre was done after six murky innings, allowing four hits and three runs, but those myriad walks in the third inning were irking me enough that the fine liquid stuff the Loggers were serving only made me angry and didn’t soothe at all. Sabre was hit for to begin the seventh, with Nate Hall striking out in his place, and while Nelson yielded 2-out walks to Hooge and Perkins, Wallace grounded out ineffectually to Wayne Morris. By the bottom of the inning, the Coons shed Adam Braun, who made a crashing catch on the warning track and was ultimately carted off and replaced by Wilson Rodriguez with a snootful of dirt and his striped tail stuck in his left ear.

Top 9th, score still even at three, the Coons faced left-hander Jacob Poirier and his 0.51 ERA. He had pitched to a 6.16 ERA the year before, so I wondered whether this was one of those transient good half-seasons, and before long the Coons attempted to give an answer with both Ramos and Hooge landing singles to begin the inning, occupying the corners for Perkins with no outs. Poirier put Portland ahead with a very, very wild pitch, then walked Perkins anyway. Zitzner batted for Anaya in Wallace’s vacated spot but flew out to Mendez in left. Howden struck out, Rodriguez grounded out to Morris; Wise had the narrowest of margins in the bottom 9th, but finished the Loggers on seven pitches and three groundouts from Stephenson, Young, and Monroe. 4-3 Critters. Ramos 2-4, RBI; Wallace 2-4; Thompson 2-4, RBI;

The Druid was not able to diagnose Adam Braun by Sunday, claiming to be missing key diagnostic tools like his octant, squeaky red toy hammer, and the barrel with pickle brine, which had all been left in Portland. I called Maud and arranged for delivery of the stuff to Vancouver, which was all I could do right now; we had a short bench for the series finale.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – C Thompson – LF Hall – P Coffee
MIL: CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 2B W. Morris – RF Stephenson – C J. Young – SS Lockert – LF Valenzuela – 3B Meehan – P Long

Berto wedged a ball in the rightfield corner to begin the game and legged out a triple, scoring on Tim Stalker’s groundout for a quick 1-0 lead, but what would that be worth? Travis Coffee’s first pitch nailed Gabe Creech real good. Monroe hit a sharp bouncer at Ramos for a double play, but Wayne Morris hit a first-pitch dinger to left to even the score. Jim Young, the ****ing catcher, buried a ball in the gap so deep that *he* legged out a leadoff triple in the bottom 2nd and was easily scored with a sac fly, putting Milwaukee up 2-1, and Creech hit a homer in the third to make it 3-1. In short, Travis Coffee pitched like he’d been made about 15 hours ago and was long cold and stale, with bits floating at the top.

Justin Perkins’ leadoff jack made it 3-2 in the fourth, and by the fifth the Loggers lost Creech on a defensive play with a banged-up knee, defusing a Nate Hall drive. Will Ojeda replaced the centerfielder. Ramos and Stalker would reach base with two outs in the inning, but Perkins grounded out to Monroe to strand them. Turning around to the bottom of the inning, the first four Loggers all snapped base hits off Coffee. Will Ojeda singled and was caught stealing, but Monroe and Morris also singled and were tripled home by Stephenson, who was then plated with a well-placed groundout off Young’s bat. That ran the score to 6-2, and there was enough Coffee spilled at that point to not order another one for the sixth inning after Lockert finished the fifth with a foul pop. Top 7th, Hall led off with a drive to fence that touched Danny Valenzuela’s glove very briefly just as Valenzuela touched the fence with great noise and collapsed in a heap. Hall had a double, and somehow Valenzuela was able to shake that collision off without having cracked leg, arm, nor numb skull. And somehow the Coons also managed to make three outs without moving Hall even an inch, starting with Howden’s pinch-hit pop to first. Jarod Howden – YOU DUMB PIG!! All of this allowed Josh Deep to go long in this game, reaching the ninth inning with the 6-2 lead intact, only to then get knocked out with leadoff singles chipped by the newest kits on the block, Hooge and Thompson. George Barnett replaced him. Hall flew out painfully easy to right. Giovanni James grounded out, but advanced the runners, who Ramos then cashed with a 2-run single to right, bringing up the tying run with two outs. Stalker popped out behind home plate to end the game anyway. 6-4 Loggers. Ramos 3-5, 3B, 2 RBI; Hooge 2-4; Hall 2-4, 2B;

In other news

June 28 – TOP SP Jose Lerma (10-5, 3.25 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout against the Pacifics, whiffing seven in a 7-0 Buffaloes win.
June 30 – SAL SP Phil Harrington (8-3, 2.38 ERA) and three relievers combine for a 1-hit shutout of the Blue Sox. The only Nashville hit in the 3-0 Salem win is credited to C Manny Sanchez (.250, 3 HR, 26 RBI).
June 30 – The Buffaloes lose SV Jonathan Snyder (2-3, 3.19 ERA, 22 SV) to elbow inflammation. The 32-year-old right-hander is not expected back before September.
July 1 – CIN SP Emilio DeClerk (4-6, 4.14 ERA) and two relievers pitch a combined 1-hitter in a 4-0 win over the Rebels. The only base hit, a second-inning double, is dropped in by the opposing pitcher, left-hander Derrick Forbes (5-7, 4.88 ERA).
July 1 – DEN CF/LF Abel Madsen (.273, 11 HR, 44 RBI) will miss all of July with a sprained ankle.
July 1 – The Scorpions announce INF Tim Stackhouse (.260, 9 HR, 42 RBI) to miss the rest of the season with a hip injury.
July 2 – The Indians trade 1B Ivan Pena (.353, 10 HR, 48 RBI) to the Wolves for SP Lance Legleiter (7-5, 3.67 ERA).
July 2 – A strained hammy will put PIT 3B Omar Lastrade (.346, 4 HR, 42 RBI) on the DL for the next month.
July 2 – A wild pitch ends the Buffaloes-Miners game in favor of the home team in the 10th inning when TOP MR Adam Rosenwald (2-3, 3.18 ERA) loses hold of a pitch with Pittsburgh’s 2B/SS Jim McKenzie (.337, 14 HR, 51 RBI) at third base. The 25-year-old McKenzie scurries home, giving the Miners a 5-4 walkoff win.
July 3 – TOP SP Jose Lerma (11-5, 3.02 ERA) delivers his second shutout of the week, a 3-hitter with 10 strikeouts in a 5-0 win over the Miners.
July 3 – The Thunder send SP Jim Metzler (3-9, 4.54 ERA) to the Blue Sox for a prospect.

Complaints and stuff

…and this, kids, is a winning week (4-3). We don’t recognize those right away because they do not occur often to us. The last one was actually the prior time we played the Thunder in May, with the 20- and 17-run drubbings, but we won the other four games that week, including a sweep of the Indians.

After Kevin Harenberg’s Player of the Week nod in June, this week it was the other 2026 Coons first baseman’s turn, as Vegas’ Jon Gonzalez (.356, 6 HR, 36 RBI) got the nod with a .462 (12-26), 1 HR, 7 RBI week.

Still waiting on great things from Jarod Howden, the dumb pig…

The Continental League’s league ERA is at a 25-year high, which to a sizable part is due to one particular team insisting on hosting a staff of meatballers.

The International Free Agent signing period began on Thursday. After careful analysis of the players available and a keen look at our coffers, we decided that his was the year to blow through the soft cap like there was no tomorrow. – And there would not be a tomorrow, given how the Coons would pay $3.3M to Tom Scumbag next year despite him not being on the roster anymore, and still on the hook for numerous other commitments, few of them productive. They would not even be able to spend big in international free agents next year, so there was no reason to worry about next year’s cap. This year the budget was pretty much used up, but we still had a good chunk of cash lying around from the splendid Adam Braun trade, and we’d try to get two high-demand youngsters for it.

Both of them were actually 18 years old. Jesus Maldonado was a high-contact, good-power hitter from Venezuela who probably had a variety of potential positions, including centerfield. Apparently, his mother had forbidden him to sign with a major league team before he had learned a proper trade, so he came with a certificate attesting him to be a professional roadkill remover. Meanwhile, right-hander Ernie Quintero was the son of a parish priest in the Dominican Republic and had been home-schooled and locked in his room until he had reached maturity. His father did not approve of his lifestyle, playing idle games in time in which he should instead praise the lord, and Ernie was also not his birth name. What was it, Maud? Jose Mateo? Of course. What else. Ah, shucks. His father might not approve of his “lifestyle”, but the Racoons approved of his arsenal, though!

Next week? Damn Elks on the road, Titans at home. Not quite sure yet whether I have to be alone for the Elks series. Maud hinted at both Cristiano Carmona and Gustaf having the flu and being terribly, terribly ill. I really wasn’t into joining them when they were ill. Next thing you know, you have to make them soup and wipe their running noses…

Fun Fact: 52 years ago today, New York’s Michinaga Yamada hit three home runs in the Crusaders’ 9-1 knockoff of the Indians, becoming the second ABL player to achieve the feat.

Yamada would hit 24 home runs with 110 RBI that year, batting .281, probably his best season in eight years in the ABL split between five different teams. It was also the only full season with the Crusaders. He won a Gold Glove, was an All Star three times, and finished his career a .267 batter with 142 HR and 647 RBI.

Of course, the first ABL player to hit three homers in a game was the Raccoons’ Ben Simon in a 9-4 win over the Loggers in 1977. Simon was an original Coon and stuck with Portland through 1981, won five Gold Gloves and as many All Star nominations in his 10-year career, batting .239 with 156 HR and 759 RBI. He led the league in homers with 28 in 1979, the year the Coons lost 107 games.

While Simon was on the 1977 Opening Day roster, he had been brought in from the Capitals via a trade for four players, none of which went on to anything great.

Ben Simon also played in the maximum possible 810 games with the Critters – every game for five seasons in a row!
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1983 * 1989 * 1991 * 1992 * 1993 * 1995 * 1996 * 2010 * 2017 * 2018 * 2019 * 2026 * 2028 * 2035 * 2037 * 2044 * 2045 * 2046 * 2047 * 2048 * 2051 * 2054 * 2055
1 OSANAI : 2 POWELL : 7 NOMURA | RAMOS : 8 REECE : 10 BROWN : 15 HALL : 27 FERNANDEZ : 28 CASAS : 31 CARMONA : 32 WEST : 39 TONER : 46 SAITO

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Old 09-04-2019, 08:32 PM   #2965
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From Canada I received the news on Monday afternoon that Adam Braun had a torn labrum and was going to be out for the season. The Druid then very quickly hung up the phone before I could ask additional questions, like, why, and how, and is all of this fair? While not a tremendous baseball loss, a tremendous money sink had just become more purposeless. In the end, in 76 games Braun batted .226 with 4 HR and 23 RBI for the Coons at a cost of $3.28M, much of that footed by the Titans. He had also posted a .649 OPS, a mere 164 points down from his 2031 season.

Off to the DL with him! The Coons sent an infielder to Canada, which turned out to be Chris Baldwin, batting .203 in St. Petersburg.

Raccoons (31-51) @ Canadiens (37-46) – July 5-8, 2032

The Elks were bad in their own right, sitting in the bottom four in both runs scored and runs allowed and with a -67 run differential. Their rotation was the second-worst to the Coons’, their defense was turpid, but they did have strong legs and led the league in stolen bases. This was only the second set we’d play with them this year, and it was the first leg of the four-and-four against a division rival around the All Star break. The first series had been split right down the middle, two each, and had ended with me getting smacked with pillows in Cristiano Carmona’s living room.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (3-7, 5.93 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (7-7, 5.28 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-7, 4.98 ERA) vs. Jeremy Truett (1-9, 6.29 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 6.39 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (5-8, 4.80 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (3-5, 4.97 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (10-4, 3.12 ERA)

The only winning pitcher in the series was also the only southpaw the Elks could field.

Not only the Coons had … I hesitate to say “key” personnel on the DL. For the damn Elks, they were probably key: they were missing much of their starting lineup, with Alex Torres, Lazaro Hernandez, Ivan Vega, and Eric Morrow all down, and a few lesser players on top of that.

And me? I was left to my own devices. Alone at home with nothing but the horrors to unfold on TV. And Honeypaws. (clutches toy raccoon against chest)

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Gurney
VAN: CF LeJeune – 1B L. Gross – SS Bennett – RF Wojnarowski – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – 2B B. Gonzales – LF Massey – P J. Martin

Horrors included, but would not be limited to, Berto opening the game with a single and being caught stealing by Fernando Garcia before Tim Stalker hit a double in the gap. Gurney would load the bases in the bottom 1st before Garcia stranded all runners with a poor poke to Perkins. The Critters’ turn to fill the bags came in the second inning, which Ed Hooge led off with a walk before being forced out by Jarod Howden, the dumb pig. Rodriguez doubled, and Thompson was walked intentionally to get Gurney to pop out. With Ramos a the plate, three on, and two outs, Martin twitched his front leg while the back foot was toeing the rubber, and he was called out for a balk that brought in Howden with the game’s first run. Ramos then flew out to Micah Massey, who hit a soft 1-out single in the bottom of the inning, stole second (much like any sort of bat, Elliott Thompson’s D had yet to arrive…), and came home when Joe Martin cracked a single up the rightfield line against the superfluous Gurney. One inning further, Brian Wojnarowski gave the damn Elks the lead with a homer cracked on an 0-2 pitch.

Then Thompson’s bat arrived. With Howden on first and two outs, Elliott Thompson cracked his maiden dinger in the fourth inning, a decently sized shot over the rightfield fence, and also a score-flipper, 3-2. I was perhaps too giddy when Gurney and Ramos followed that up with singles because next thing we saw was Stalker getting *robbed* by Massey in deep left, and then the annoying leftfielder opened the bottom 4th with a walk. Jesse LeJeune dropped in a single, but the damn Elks would strand the runners on the corners, courtesy to Perkins shagging a liner by Luke Gross and Rodriguez catching up with T.J. Bennett’s fly. Gurney ended up lasting six innings plus one batter, entering the bottom 7th up 4-2 (a Thompson sac fly having tacked on an unearned run in form of Rodriguez – single, stolen base, throwing error – in the sixth). Luke Gross’ single knocked him out. The Critters went to Jared Stone, who got a double play from Bennett, then to Garavito with Wojnarowski up. Garavito nailed him and walked Matt Anton, prompting a move to the fourth pitcher of the inning, Victor Anaya, who handled a comebacker from Garcia for the third out. Bobby Gonzales’ single off Anaya and the walk Donovan May drew off Fernandez in the bottom 8th put another two on, but LeJeune hit into a double play while I was in fetal position and screaming on my couch at home. Compared to that, the ninth was almost dull. Donny van der Hout flew out easily to right. Bennett rolled over to short. And Wise dropped a curve on Wojnarowski for strike three. 4-2 Coons. Ramos 2-4; Rodriguez 2-4, 2B; Thompson 1-2, BB, HR, 3 RBI;

Is it over, Honeypaws? Can I… Can I look again? – Oh. Good.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C James – P del Rio
VAN: LF Tessmann – 1B Massey – CF Wojnarowski – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – 2B McWhirter – RF Pohl – P Truett

Ramos led off with a single, but got almost immediately forced out by Stalker’s grounder to short. Wallace’s grounder moved Stalker to second, and a single into no man’s land by Perkins cashed him in for the first run of the game. Hooge also singled, but Howden rolled out poorly, which was nothing to really make a fuss about anymore. As were first-inning meltdowns by Raccoons starters. Del Rio began with back-to-back walks on nine pitches to Danny Tessmann and Massey, allowed a single to Wojnarowski, and tied the game on Bennett’s sac fly. Matt Anton drummed a homer to left-center, and then it was 4-1 damn Elks. Well, now it was about clawing back. I made the start, clawing into the pillows available, and Giovanni James hit a homer in the second to make it 4-2. Del Rio put off further implosions for the time being and held the damn Elks scoreless for the next few innings. Come the fifth, the Coons had Stalker and Wallace on base with two outs and Ed Hooge at the plate. The rookie had no RBI in 21 at-bats, but now would be a spiffy time to get somebody across. He clubbed the first pitch he got from Truett, sending Pat Pohl back to the track. Pohl reached, couldn’t get there, and the ball hit the track and off the fence, and bounced away from Pohl for a 2-out, 2-run, game-tying double! For whatever reason, Howden was walked intentionally, and Rodriguez flew out to center, and the score remained tied through five.

Bottom 6th, still 4-4, del Rio drilled Garcia leading off with a 2-2 pitch. Bill McWhirter grounded out, and then Pat Pohl got drilled at 1-2. Here was the fetal position again, and also the screaming. Truett bunted the runners into scoring position, bringing up Tessmann with two outs. He was a left-hander, but also not much of a batter, and the Coons wondered whether sending a southpaw would trigger a right-handed pinch-hitter. Del Rio stayed in there, Tessmann slapped a grounder up the middle, Stalker couldn’t reach it, and both runs scored. That was the sixth, and the seventh got worse. Jonathan Fleischer walked two, allowed an RBI single to McWhirter, then a 2-run double to Pohl. Truett remained in to bat against Fleischer with two outs, and slapped an RBI single in a full count. Fleischer was yanked, and sent straight to the airport. The game was out of reach at this point, down six, and although Jimmy Wallace hit an RBI single after that, that wasn’t to cover six runs. 10-5 Canadiens. Ramos 2-4, BB; Wallace 2-5, RBI; Perkins 2-5, RBI; Hooge 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI;

What had become of Jonathan Fleischer (0-2, 5.47 ERA, 25 BB in 24.2 IP) was a mystery, but maybe the staff in AAA could try and figure out. Nick Bates was recalled, reluctantly.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Rodriguez – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – LF Hall – C Thompson – 2B Baldwin – P Chavez
VAN: LF Tessmann – 1B Massey – 2B LeJeune – CF Wojnarowski – 3B Anton – SS B. Gonzales – C van der Hout – RF L. Gross – P Govea

Eight Coons came to the plate to score but two runs in the opening frame. Ramos walked, stole second (#30), moved up on Rodriguez’ single, and scored on Wallace’s sac fly. Zitzner reached on a Massey error, Hall hit an RBI single, and Thompson walked to fill them up, but then Baldwin hit a pathetic roller to end the inning. Chavez gave it straight back, putting all the left-handed batters on board, Tessmann with a single, and LeJeune and Wojnarowski with walks, before giving up a 2-run single to the right-handed Anton. Two pops ended that inning, and misery was oozing out of every pair of pants on that field. The Critters accordingly went on to strand pairs of runners in the second, fourth, and fifth innings without ever plating a run. The damn Elks also left the go-ahead run in scoring position twice between the second and fifth innings, including Donny van der Hout at third base in the bottom 5th when Nate Hall contained Govea’s scorched liner…

Top 6th, Bernie Chavez led off with a soft single to center. The 2-2 pitch by Matt Tillman to Ramos was wild, and the runner advanced, and with first base open, the Elks now walked Ramos intentionally to my great dismay. Rodriguez flew to left, Tessmann moved over and caught the ball, then dropped the ball, then kicked it against the sidewall, with the runners now off to the races. Chavez scored, and the other two reached scoring position in what had become a 3-2 game on the error. Wallace was walked intentionally, presenting Zitzner with three on, no outs, and plenty of double play opportunities. His grounder to the left side was out of Bobby Gonzales’ reach for an RBI single, 4-2, but Hooge struck out. Nate Hall hit a blooper for an RBI single, and Thompson zinged one to center for another one, 6-2. The damn Elks brought a new pitcher, Geoff Swayze, to face Baldwin. He threw a fat strike for his first pitch, and Baldwin drilled it to left, high, deep – GRAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

That should put the game in order I thought, and for the first time in the series resorted to light petting of Honeypaws and releasing my clenched jaws. Chavez lasted six and two thirds, whiffing seven, but also gave up a solo homer to Luke Gross in the bottom 7th, which was at least a fitting name for damn, dumb Elk. It was also the last marker in the game. The Coons took it easy in the final innings, and the Elks couldn’t get through Hennessy and Bates. 10-3 Coons. Rodriguez 3-6; Wallace 3-4, BB, RBI; Hall 3-5, 2 RBI; Thompson 3-4, BB, RBI; Baldwin 1-5, HR, 4 RBI; Pinkerton 1-1;

Game 4
POR: 1B Zitzner – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Rodriguez – LF Hall – C James – CF Pinkerton – 2B Baldwin – P Sabre
VAN: 2B LeJeune – LF A. Torres – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – CF Pohl – RF L. Gross – C F. Garcia – P Corcoran

Nate Hall hit a double into the corner with two outs in the opening frame. Zitzner came around to score from second, and Perkins was sent from first, but thrown out, but the myriad replays seemed to show daylight between the glove of Garcia and Perkins’ face – the light brown glove was contrasting well with the black face markings. Then came Sabre and struck out the side in the bottom 1st; he remained perfect the first time through, whiffing five, but needed over 40 pitches to get that far. LeJeune grounded out in a 3-0 count to begin the fourth inning, and Sabre wound up retiring the first dozen until he lost Bennett in a full count in the bottom 5th. The walk put the tying run on base, but the damn Elks didn’t get him further than second base in the inning. LeJeune then got nailed with two outs in the sixth, but was caught stealing, much like Perkins had been in the top of the inning in a rare event of a Critter being sighted on base.

Giovanni James hit a leadoff jack in the seventh to double the Critters’ lead to 2-0, and Sabre got three groundouts in the bottom of the inning to continue his bid, but also reached 92 pitches. Top 8th, Nate Hall singled home another run before Sabre went back to work in the bottom 8th. Anton popped out on the infield, but then Pat Pohl singled up the middle to end the no-hitter. Tim Stalker got the very tip of his claw on the ball, but had to chase it onto the green and had no play. Luke Gross was then doubled up, but that would not revive the no-hitter. Now well over 100 pitches, Sabre was hit for in a scoreless top of the ninth inning, which handed off the 3-0 lead to Chris Wise, who immediately created drama. I rocked back and forth with Honeypaws having his eyes squeezed out of his fluffy head between by wrenched arms as Wise put Tessmann on with a single, and LeJeune with a full-count walk. Alex Torres flew out to Rodriguez. David Fisher grounded out to Stalker. 3-0 Coons. Perkins 3-4, BB, 2B; Hall 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Sabre 8.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 6 K, W (4-5);

Raccoons (34-52) vs. Titans (55-31) – July 9-11, 2032

The Titans were just looking for an easy romp on the way into the All Star break. Nothing personal, just hand those wins over, puny Coons. They were first in runs scored, second in runs allowed, with a +111 run differential, and led the season series, 6-3, which included wining six of the last seven from the Coons, after that (in)famous 2-0 start we had against them in early April, when the world was still a bit less crap.

Projected matchup:
Travis Coffee (0-3, 7.64 ERA) vs. Dustin Wingo (7-5, 4.09 ERA)
Jason Gurney (4-7, 5.75 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (10-5, 3.52 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-8, 5.24 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (8-4, 3.25 ERA)

Left, right, left, and probably three winners.

Game 1
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – C Lessman – SS Spataro – RF M. Walker – 2B R. West – 3B E. Gonzalez – P Wingo
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – CF Hooge – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Coffee

While Ramos hit a leadoff double in the bottom 1st and was then left on base, to our great surprise at least Travis Coffee didn’t have his tail lit on fire right from the start. The Titans had only one base knock the first time through, and didn’t become really threatening until the fourth when they put David Lessman and Keith Spataro on the corners, Mark Walker popped out, and Rhett West flew out to right to end the inning. With Edgar Gonzalez on second and two outs in the fifth, Zitzner made a lightning swipe at first base to contain a Willie Vega spike before it could get up the line, ending that inning, too. If only the Coons could find some sort of offense; their H column still showed nothing but the initial futile Ramos double. Then Thompson legged out an infield single in the bottom 5th, only for Coffee to bunt into a double play… and then came the part everybody had waited for, of Coffee getting spilled and wiped up with a dirty sponge. Leadoff walk to Justin Uliasz in the sixth, and from there things escalated rather fast. Lessman and Walker hit singles, Rhett West was walked with the bases loaded for the game’s first run, and when Gonzalez grounded to short for a sure 6-4-3, Ramos ****ed up the play, and the Coons got nobody on the error, but the Titans got another run. Coffee also got the hook. Anaya rung up Wingo and got a grounder from Moises Avila to end the inning. And while it looked like the game might be over, the bottom 7th brought a leadoff single for Zitzner, and then a Rodriguez fly over the head – narrowly – of Avila, which put the tying runs in scoring position with no outs. And those runners came in on a Hooge sac fly and a passed ball – whatever the **** works – but then it was no further from there for the Raccoons.

Too bad that Jared Stone couldn’t stay in the tie in the eighth. Mark Walker singled, stole his 16th base, then was singled in by West in a full count, giving them a new 3-2 lead. Bottom 8th, Wingo walked Ramos to start the inning, which had potential now. Stalker ran a full count before grounding to third base. Dan Knudson threw a terrible bouncer to first base that Uliasz couldn’t come up with, and the 2-base error put the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position with no outs! And what did the ****ing Critters do? They grounded out to Knudson… THREE TIMES. I … I couldn’t even …! (clutches chest and neck at the same time) MAAAAAUD …!! I need … - … I need the blunderbuss!! Willie Vega’s 2-run homer off Fernandez in the ninth put the game to bed. 5-2 Titans. Hall 2-4;

Maud, what do you want to say, you hid the blunderbuss?? – But I need it to shoot the stupid players in the bum!!

I can’t have anything around here, it seems …!

Game 2
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – SS Spataro – 2B R. West – 3B E. Gonzalez – C Pizzo – RF M. Walker – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – 3B Rodriguez – C Thompson – LF Hall – P Gurney

Gurney threw 40 pitches in a horrendous first inning that saw the bases loaded with no outs on a sequence of single, walk, walk, then Spataro pop out in a full count. Rhett West hit a sac fly, which was progress at least, but then Edgar Gonzalez took an 0-2 pitch over the fence to make it 4-0. Gurney walked Pizzo on straight balls, the got Hall to throw his body into a Walker liner to finally end the inning. After a scoreless second, Gurney nailed Uliasz to begin the third, and another cavalcade of base runners was set off. Spataro walked, Gonzalez hit an RBI double, and Pizzo knocked out Gurney with a 2-run single, making this a 7-0 game, and plunging the Critters into a bullpen game. We ended up squeezing Garavito for 11 outs and no runs on over 50 pitches, which was a bit of a surprise, while the Raccoons made up precisely one run on a Tim Stalker triple, plating Hall in the fifth. When Howden hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, that was only the Coons’ fourth hit off Potter. Hooge immediately hit into a fielder’s choice, moved up on a grounder, but then was stranded when West reached Thompson’s grounder, too.

When Preston Pinkerton pinch-hit for Nick Bates in the #9 hole in the bottom 7th the thought was to have him pitch the eighth inning and maybe the ninth. He singled, Ramos tripled, Stalker singled, and Howden hit a 2-out RBI double on top of all that to get the Critters back into the game at 7-4 before Hooge grounded out. That changed the plan; Pinkerton stayed in center at Ed Hooge’s expense, and Hennessy pitched the eighth instead. Him and Anaya kept the Titans in check in the eighth and ninth, but the offense still had to make up three and made up zero in the eighth. Pinkerton was up to begin the ninth against Jermaine Campbell, who nailed him, then walked Ramos. And here came the tying run! That would be Stalker, who ran a full count, laid off ball four, and the bases were loaded…! Campbell kept struggling and fell 2-1 behind Wallace before having finally a ball put in play, a fly to right that sent Mark Walker back, and he kept going back and back to the wall, jumped – he didn’t get it, it was just fair, and over the fence!! WAAAAALKOOOOOFF GRAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!! 8-7 Furballs!! Stalker 2-3, 2 BB, 3B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5, HR, 4 RBI; Howden 2-4, 2B, RBI; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Garavito 3.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

ECSTASY!! YEEEESS!!! YEEEEESSS!!! (runs in and out of Maud’s office, screaming)

(Slappy approvingly raises his bottle on the brown couch)

Game 3
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – C Lessman – SS Spataro – RF M. Walker – 2B R. West – 3B E. Gonzalez – P M. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – CF Pinkerton – C Thompson – P del Rio

Another day, another endless opening inning. The Coons’ hero from Saturday, Jimmy Wallace, made a critical error on a Lessman fly that incinerated what was already a 1-0 game after a walk to Avila and a Vega RBI knock. Avila scored on Spataro’s single, Walker walked (duh!), and with the bases loaded Rhett West struck out and Edgar Gonzalez flew out to left, somehow keeping the damage to two runs, but again on 39 pitches, and in the second inning a walk to Vega and an Uliasz homer made it 4-0 anyway. The Titans let it be for a while at that point, with the Coons non-existent in the first few innings. The bottom 4th saw Rodriguez reach base, steal second, and be singled home by Pinkerton. Jimmy Wallace hit a solo jack in the sixth. Del Rio had held up in the middle innings despite some loud contact, so the score was now 4-2 Boston. He came back out for the seventh, facing the opposing pitcher, and Gonzalez smashed a single to center. That got del Rio yanked, the ****ing sucker, and Stone took over against the top of the order. He drilled Vega after K’ing Avila, but Uliasz spanked to Perkins with all the time in the world for a 5-4-3 double play, ending the seventh.

The Titans crowded David Fernandez in the eighth, getting a leadoff single out of Lessman as well as two walks, but ultimately couldn’t push a run across. Tim Zimmerman retired the Critters in order in the bottom 8th, and Chris Wise staved off two walks to bail out of the ninth when Lessman hit into a double play. The bottom 9th was left-hander Tony Chavez against the 5-6-7 batters. On the first pitch, Wallace popped out foul. On the second pitch, Rodriguez grounded out to Spataro. Pinkerton ran a 2-2 count… then was rung up. 4-2 Titans. Ramos 2-4;

In other news

July 5 – The Titans acquire SP Jordan Caldwell (6-9, 3.63 ERA) from the Gold Sox, parting with two prospects.
July 5 – Another Gold Sox pitcher, SP Jeff Dykstra (6-5, 4.38 ERA) fires a 3-hit shutout against the Scorpions in a 9-0 rout.
July 5 – CHA INF/LF/RF Danny Ruiz (.248, 4 HR, 26 RBI) smokes five hits and drives in three runs in a 10-1 smoking of the Thunder.
July 6 – Washington’s INF Enrique Trevino (.294, 0 HR, 21 RBI) could miss the rest of the season with ruptured finger tendons.
July 6 – The Loggers acquire LF John Richardson (.333, 0 HR, 9 RBI in 60 AB) from the Rebels in exchange for two rather meager prospects.
July 9 – A bases-loaded walk offered by DEN MR Dan Jerge (2-3, 3.69 ERA) to L.A.’s 3B Andy Schmit (.281, 3 HR, 27 RBI) decides their contest in the 16th inning, 4-3 in favor of the Pacifics.
July 11 – The Crusaders add SP Joaquin Serrano (5-6, 4.24 ERA) from the Rebels for two prospects.
July 11 – IND SP Andy Bressner (10-4, 2.34 ERA) is expected to miss two months with a strained elbow.
July 11 – A leadoff single by TOP OF Miguel Reyna (.318, 4 HR, 28 RBI) in the eighth inning is the only base hit the Buffaloes notch in a combined 1-hitter by CIN SP Emilio DeClerk (5-6, 4.14 ERA) and two Cincy relievers. The Cyclones win 3-0.

Complaints and stuff

Lo and behold – the Raccoons have an All Star, and you will never guess who it is! It is a *pitcher*. A PITCHER.

It is John Hennessy! A rule 5 pick that missed most of the 2031 season due to injury, Hennessy was nominated with a 5-1 record, 2.43 ERA, one save, and 9.1 K/9 in 40.2 innings. It is of course his first All Star gig.

We also consecutive winning weeks, a pair of 4-3s, for what it’s worth. Probably isn’t going to make my preseason prediction look any smarter in the short-, medium-, or long term. In case you weren’t sure, this is the first time the Coons put up back-to-back winning weeks this season.

Winning three of four from Vancouver this week evened the all-time head-to-head competition against them. It now stands at 499-499.

We have played those disgusting skunks almost a thousand times?? This is why the entire ballpark smells and has ugly spots in weird places!

Prospect watch: this year’s top draft pick, Brandon Williams, has now made five starts for Aumsville. He is 4-1 with a 1.31 ERA, 15 walks, 40 strikeouts, in 41.1 innings.

The Raccoons signed Jesus Maldonado for $466k, meaning we are already well over the soft cap. The bidding war for Ernie Quintero keeps raging though. There is a possibility that we run out of money without actually getting him… now THAT would suck.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have not won a Sunday game since Ignacio del Rio’s 6-hit shutout over the Buffaloes in May.

That is nine attempts, and nine losses on Sundays since.

(looks skyward) What do you want up there?? – I *did* sacrifice that lamb….! – Okay, I sacrificed a few steaks. – I can’t see blood, what do you want from me??
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1983 * 1989 * 1991 * 1992 * 1993 * 1995 * 1996 * 2010 * 2017 * 2018 * 2019 * 2026 * 2028 * 2035 * 2037 * 2044 * 2045 * 2046 * 2047 * 2048 * 2051 * 2054 * 2055
1 OSANAI : 2 POWELL : 7 NOMURA | RAMOS : 8 REECE : 10 BROWN : 15 HALL : 27 FERNANDEZ : 28 CASAS : 31 CARMONA : 32 WEST : 39 TONER : 46 SAITO

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Old 09-07-2019, 01:06 PM   #2966
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All Star Game

The Warriors’ Mario Colon was named MVP in the Federal League’s 4-3 win over the Continental League in the 2032 All Star Game with a home run off Vancouver’s Steve Corcoran to his name. Ultimately, the game is decided in the 11th inning, with LAP Justin Fowler singling home NAS Jim Allen off NYC Mike Rutkowski for the deciding run.

John Hennessy pitched the fifth inning and allowed a run in the course of it.

Raccoons (35-54) vs. Canadiens (39-51) – July 15-18, 2032

Ugh. Those guys. Damn skunks. We had won three of four in Vancouver the week before the All Star Game and were now up 5-3 in the season series, which was probably the main thing to play for at this point. They ranked fourth in runs scored, second in runs allowed – each time from the bottom end of the talent pool – and were playing almost .500 ball ever since leaving a grim 6-17 April behind.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-1, 5.59 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (5-8, 4.66 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-5, 4.56 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (7-8, 4.98 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-9, 5.20 ERA) vs. Jeremy Truett (2-9, 6.11 ERA)
Jason Gurney (4-7, 6.23 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (10-5, 3.13 ERA)

Corcoran remains their only southpaw starter.

The Coons also made a roster change coming into the post-All Star Game part of the season. Chris Baldwin, 1-for-7, was sent back to AAA with Justin Marsingill coming off the DL.

Game 1
VAN: 2B LeJeune – SS Bennett – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – RF I. Vega – 3B Anton – LF A. Torres – C F. Garcia – P Govea
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – C Thompson – LF Hall – P Chavez

Brian Wojnarowski, the disgusting creature, hit a first-frame jack off Bernie Chavez, who had been declared second-half ace by being assigned the first start out of the break. Bernie went on to retire a lineup’s worth of batters while allowing only an infield single to Jesse LeJeune after that, then got *bombed* by David Fisher in the fourth, another solo shot that was indeed outta here, no doubt, right off the stick. The Coons amounted to the minimum the first time through, with only a Justin Perkins single in their half of the box score, and then Ed Hooge right away hit into a 6-4-3 double play. Bottom 4th, Wallace walked with two outs, Perkins singled again, and Hooge grounded out to the other middle infielder. It really seemed like one of those games that absolutely didn’t seem like they were meant to be. Alex Torres hit a leadoff jack in the fifth, which made it 3-0 for the damn Elks, with four hits off Bernie, and three of them out of the park. Come the bottom 6th, a crucial David Fisher error took away a double play from Jimmy Wallace, put on two with Stalker to second (Stalker had forced out Berto), and when Perkins singled, the Critters had the tying runs on and Ed Hooge at the plate with one gone. Ed snuck a single past Matt Anton, much to my surprise, and the Coons got one run as everybody moved up 90 feet. Howden hit a sac fly, but that would be all, with Thompson flying out to center, and keeping the team 3-2 behind.

Chavez lasted seven, allowing only four hits, and when the pen took over the Elks quickly rapped out another two. Fernando Garcia singled off Bates, the only batter he faced, and Danny Tessmann doubled against Garavito, who then got two infield rollers that kept the runners pinned in scoring position until Donny van der Hout hit for Wojnarowski to counter the southpaw, a move we contered with Jared Stone, who got van der Hout to ground out to third. Come the bottom 8th, the Coons poked the not-so-well-aged Chris Sinkhorn to put Stalker and Wallace on the corners with nobody out. Right-hander Bob Kennedy (a reliever from the mold of Juan Barzaga) replaced him, surrendered the lead on a sac fly to Perkins, then got a force at second base from Hooge. Howden flew out to Pat Pohl. The Coons could not get ahead in regulation and the game went to extras. There, we planned with one inning from Wise, and then to send Travis Coffee, who would not get a start until next week. Wise put Torres and Fernando Garcia on to begin the 10th, somehow survived, Stalker hit a leadoff single off Raul de la Rosa in the bottom 10th, and Wallace doubled him off. To the 11th we went… amazingly, Coffee wasn’t drunk alive on the spot, but the Raccoons made nothing from a Howden double in the bottom of the inning, then when Coffee issued a leadoff walk to Torres in the 12th added a Stalker error to put two Elks on with nobody out, and Coffee didn’t get out of that one. Bobby Gonzales singled home a run, the Raccoons had nothing in the bottom of the inning, and opened the second half of the year with another sad and senseless loss. 4-3 Canadiens. Perkins 3-4, RBI;

Sad and senseless, slow and endless… there is, depressingly, another 72 games to this series, which probably means another 15 extra-inning losses.

Game 2
VAN: 2B LeJeune – SS Bennett – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – RF I. Vega – 3B Anton – LF A. Torres – C F. Garcia – P J. Martin
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – C Thompson – LF Hall – P Sabre

Sabre got slapped with the rolled-up Agitator by the pitching coach after only 11 pitches, which had yielded three first-pitch singles (LeJeune, T.J. Bennett, Ivan Vega), a fly to right by Wojnarowski that nevertheless scored a run on a throwing error by the defensively atrocious Jimmy Wallace, and a walk issued to David Fisher; Vega’s single in fact made it 2-0. Anton grounded out and Torres flew out to left, ending another early horror inning. The damn Elks scored another run in the second on two sharp singles and Bennett’s RBI groundout. Sabre wild-pitched LeJeune to third base with two outs, walked Wojnarowski, then somehow got David Fisher drooling and striking out in his despicable greed – nevertheless, Sabre pitched like arse, and it showed on the scoreboard, five hits, two walks, and three runs in two innings. It only got worse, with Ivan Vega’s leadoff double in the third. He was scored on two groundouts, 4-0, after which the Elks got sloppier on offense and stopped getting the leadoff man on after two strikes in almost every ****ing inning. Not that it helped the Critters’ offense any, with Joe Martin pitching like the new Jonny Toner and allowing one hit through six innings, an Ed Hooge single in the second. Hooge would land his second base knock in the bottom 7th, with two outs and Wallace (walk) and Perkins (single) already on base. This loaded the plates for Jarod Howden, who was now the tying run, and struck out. The dumb pig. Top 8th, Anaya got a K on Alex Torres to begin the inning. Torres vividly disagreed and was ejected and replaced by catcher/leftfielder Donny van der Hout. Joe Martin left in the same inning with an injury while still forging a 3-hit shutout, which the bullpen then completed. Only one more Coon reached base – Ramos drawing a leadoff walk from Sinkhorn in the ninth – and that one dissolved in a Stalker double play. 4-0 Canadiens. Hooge 2-3;

The best news is – Dead Cow BBQ’s spokesperson and beloved ex-Coon Matt Nunley sent a few barbeque grills over and Slappy actually jumped into action and is going to prepare some steaks for the Saturday afternoon game.

But, Slappy… (tries to wave swaths of smoke away) do you have to operate the barbeque … IN my office?? – Okay, well, I assume you could not sit on the couch while doing it outside… Fair point. I understand.

Game 3
VAN: 2B LeJeune – SS Bennett – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – RF I. Vega – 3B Anton – LF Tessmann – C F. Garcia – P Truett
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C James – P del Rio

For a change, the Raccoons put up a crooked number in the first inning; while LeJeune hit a leadoff single for the damn Elks, he got doubled off by Bennett and no ills happened on Ignacio in the first. Ramos reached on a ****ty little fister, then strolled home on Tim Stalker’s third homer of the year. Wallace and Hooge hit doubles for the third run, and Howden dropped an RBI single near the rightfield line to get Hooge around, too, 4-0, before Wilson Rodriguez hit a 6-4-3 inning-ender. The damn Elks would find ways to be annoying before long, though. Del Rio got another double play for assistance in the second, then nailed Tessmann to begin the third. The runner was on second with two outs before LeJeune’s double and a Bennett single each scored a run, it was 4-2, and all of a sudden uncomfortable again. At least Slappy flung me a plate with a burger – nothing fancy, just beef and bun, as advertised in the Dead Cow BBQ Manual. It needed just one more thing… (sprinkles a bit of Capt’n Coma on top of the beef, on top of the bun, then takes a healthy sip right from the bottle)

By the sixth, Wojnarowski hit a leadoff single, stole second (will Giovanni James ever throw out a runner?), but del Rio went on to load the bases anyway with free passes to Anton and Tessmann with two outs. That brought up Fernando Garcia with three on and two away, and he took a huge rip at the very first pitch… and chunked it into the ground in front of home plate. The out, 2-3, was casual, and the runner beaten by 60 feet, and the score only changed in the bottom of the inning with Perkins’ leadoff jack off Truett, 5-2. Top 7th, Alex Torres pinch-hit, singled to left with two strikes (…), then stole second (…!). Del Rio dug a deeper trench on the mound, got strike three past a so far unretired LeJeune, then got Rodriguez to catch a Bennett fly without breaking neck or leg against the sidewall in rightfield. But on 99 pitches and with Wojnarowski up, the Coons went to the pen and straight for their All Star, John Hennessy, for his first action since his appropriate representation of the team on the national stage. He struck out the batter, the only one he faced in this game. That was the final at-bat with a damn Elk in scoring position in the game. Stone and Wise got the next five outs before Bill McWhirter landed a pinch-hit single with two outs in the ninth. LeJeune grounded out to Stalker to end the contest. 5-2 Coons. Hooge 2-3, 2B, RBI;

Game 4
VAN: CF LeJeune – LF A. Torres – RF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – 2B B. Gonzales – C F. Garcia – P Corcoran
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hooge – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – CF Pinkerton – P Gurney

Agony spread in the second inning when Bobby Gonzales chucked a single to left, stole second, and with two outs the usual dilemma involved whether or not to walk the #8 hitter. We didn’t so as to not reward the damn Elks or our ****ty battery, and Fernando Garcia promptly hit an RBI single, the first marker on the board. Gurney then walked Corcoran on four pitches, which was frankly bizarre, before Stalker reached wide and made a marvelous play on a 3-1 spiker hit by LeJeune that seemed destined to bring in another run, but ended the inning instead. Top 3rd, leadoff walk to Torres, who stole second (GODDAMNIT!!!) and scored on two outs before Bennett ripped a mighty double to left anyway, but was stranded with Anton’s fly out to Rodriguez. On to the fourth, walk to Garcia, Corcoran single (!!!), LeJeune single – three on, one out. More yelling on the mound, and as that Stalker and Perkins getting into each other’s fur and one knocking the other’s cap off? Things were going well for sure. After the lengthy mound conference, Gurney walked in a run, then gave up a sac fly to Wojnarowski, 4-0, before Fisher popped out over the infield and broke his bat in a fit of rage as the inning ended. No, the Critters had no offense early on; only in the bottom 4th did Stalker reach on an infield single and the first baseman du jour zitzed a homer to right to cut the gap in half.

Their stellar starter loaded the bags AGAIN on a single and two walks (six total, and 51 in 108 innings) in the fifth, then came up on Corcoran with one out. The opposing pitcher, in a cynically funny way unretired in the game, was probably Gurney’s last man anyway with three aboard, and hit into a double play to do away with the threat. Not that going to the pen helped with anything. Fernandez was scratched for a run in the sixth, and Nick Bates walked the ****ing opposing pitcher in the seventh, but didn’t incur actual damage. The Coons had the tying run at the plate with no outs in the bottom 7th after Hooge and Rodriguez opened with clean singles. Thompson whiffed. Pinkerton dropped a single between Gonzales and Wojnarowski to load the bags. Jimmy Wallace hit for Bates and kept the line moving with another single to Wojnarowski’s feet, 5-3, and Berto tied up the score with a single to left. The onslaught was sudden enough that the Elks had not been warming up a reliever until it was all too late. They only got a fresh arm in there after Tim Stalker’s first-pitch RBI double a fraction past the glove of Jesse LeJeune. With Logan Bessey in, Perkins struck out for the second retirement of the inning. Zitzner was walked intentionally to get to Hooge’s lefty bat, but Ed found the space between LeJeune and Wojnarowski for an RBI single. Stalker was waved around, Wojnarowski’s throw was wild, and the Stalker scored, with the other runners moving up into scoring position in an 8-5 game. Rodriguez was walked with intent now to get the next lefty bat up, Thompson’s. The knockout blow would be nice, but I wasn’t sure he could deliver it, batting a paltry .205, but then we were up by three already and would maybe even hold on to that. He got to bat, ran a full count, and grounded out to Bobby Gonzales, concluding a 6-run seventh!

Hennessy retired the 2-3-4 batters with two strikeouts in the top half of the eighth, after which the Coons tacked on against Bessey. James reached on a pinch-hit floating single, advanced on a wild pitch, and then was accompanied intentionally by Ramos with first base open. Stalker made the second out, but Perkins rammed a gapper with some anger over an 0-for-4 day so far, plating both runners. There was another intentional walk to Zitzner to get to Hooge, who sent a fly to deep left, and the few people at the park already rose, but it dropped down into Torres’ glove about six feet from the wall. What a shame. With the extra runs, though, Anaya got the call over Wise in the ninth and retired the damn Elks in order to split the series. 10-5 Critters. Ramos 2-4, BB, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-5, 2B, RBI; Zitzner 1-2, 3 BB, HR, 2 RBI; Hooge 2-5, 2 RBI; Pinkerton 2-4; Wallace (PH) 1-1, RBI; James (PH) 1-1;

In other news

July 12 – The Cyclones trade LF/RF Kelvin Winborn (.250, 6 HR, 35 RBI) to the Miners for four prospects, all of them rather dim even for lottery tickets.
July 13 – The Bayhawks pick up 1B/2B Ricky Tello (.246, 3 HR, 12 RBI) from the Cyclones in exchange for outfielder Vincent Pacheco (.396, 1 HR, 10 RBI).
July 16 – The Cyclones keep trading around the league, acquiring 1B Tomas Caraballo (.328, 4 HR, 26 RBI) from the Bayhawks for MR Jorge Farinas (2-4, 4.93 ERA) and one of the meh prospects they had just picked up.
July 16 – The Stars trade veteran 3B Bobby Marshall (.341, 1 HR, 31 RBI) and an interesting but unranked catching prospect, Samuel Vercesi, to the Gold Sox for OF Nick Baker (.279, 1 HR, 19 RBI).
July 17 – The Indians trade 1B Greg Regan (.301, 7 HR, 38 RBI) to the Buffaloes for MR Adam Rosenwald (2-4, 3.54 ERA), #54 prospect INF/CF Rich Arvizu, and cash.
July 18 – The leader of the batting title race in the Federal League, NAS INF Billy Bouldin (.348, 1 HR, 49 RBI), could be out well into September with a broken hand.

Complaints and stuff

(is hardly visible in the thick smoke in the office) Okay, new house rule. The next ****ing turd to walk the opposing pitcher is instantly released. But before he’s released, he’s tarred, feathered, and then slowly roasted for six hours in one of Matt Nunley’s barbecue grills. They make … (burps) … delicious food.

Slappy, maybe we should still carry the couch outside, what do you think? – Well, if it rains, we bring it back inside. – Cristiano will help you.

Nick Bates got the win on Sunday after the raucous comeback, his first in the majors in 44 attempts. Actually, his first decision of any sort, which happens when a guy can only be trusted with garbage innings. His career ERA is 3.30 now. I still don’t see him as any sort of asset given his 6.8 BB/9 for his career, and the fact that this number was actually going UP.

That bickering you’re hearing comes from the clubhouse. There is a bit of blaming and shaming going on. And just wait until I get involved. Then the shaving will start. I’m gonna shave ALL of them!

Meanwhile we’ve hit a snag in the pursuit of international free agent Ernie Quintero. Basically, we’ve run out of cash (and cash is what we’re bidding with). The math is quick and ugly. We have made these offers:

SP Ernie Quintero - $700,000
CF Jesus Maldonado - $466,000 – SIGNED
1B Damian Salazar - $22,000 – SIGNED
SP Fiorenzo DeSanctis - $15,000 – SIGNED
SP Alex Vazquez - $8,000 – SIGNED

TOTAL – $1,211,000 OFFERED – $511,000 SIGNED

The soft cap is $478k, and every dime over that is taxed with 100%. So by signing players for $511k, we have already committed $544k (and will be able to sign only one player for more than about $80k next season with a tier 1 penalty), but the Quintero bid of $700k would incur *another* $700k in tax, so the final bill would be $1,944,000 – that is, if we get Quintero to sign for that. It doesn’t look like it, and all the money Steve from Accounting could find in the budget and the extra cash (the best thing coming out of the Adam Braun trade) amount to … $1,944,828.

Meanwhile we have nothing to trade away, at least not in terms of salaries. We have only five players left that make more than $550k, of which two are on the DL and can’t be traded (Braun, Gutierrez), one is not worth skinning for a lottery ticket (Berto), one has a contract so horrendous it can’t be moved, but moves you to tears (Stalker), and one who actually got at least the Gold Sox talking (James), but only if they could dump an equally useless and expensive player on us.

Why is Justin Perkins looking so miffed…?

Fun Fact: All five guys in our current rotation are pitching for the minimum.

Also for their bare lives and skin. They’re a third-rounder (Coffee), a fourth-rounder (Chavez, by the Gold Sox), an 11th-rounder (Nick Brown Memorial pick Jason Gurney), and two July international free agent teen stars that cost a total of $180k, 90% of those going to Sabre.

Add to that four current relievers on the minimum. The only hurlers making dough of any sort above the league poverty line were Stone, Garavito, and Anaya.
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Last edited by Westheim; 09-07-2019 at 01:08 PM.
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Raccoons (37-56) vs. Crusaders (45-48) – July 20-22, 2032

The Raccoons were off on Monday, but the Crusaders weren’t. Coming from Boston they had to stop over at home to play a makeup game with the Scorpions before heading over here. They smacked the Stingers down, 16-7, with Firmino Cambra chipping in five hits. Good! Maybe he was tired of running now! When they weren’t raiding the worst teams in the league, the Crusaders were fairly dull, but they did rank fifth in both runs scored and runs allowed and had a +32 run differential, so they probably should be a lot better record-wise than they were. They were leading the season series against the Critters, 6-3.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-1, 5.13 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (9-6, 3.35 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-4, 6.12 ERA) vs. Ramiro Benavides (7-8, 3.67 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-6, 4.62 ERA) vs. Joaquin Serrano (5-7, 4.10 ERA)

Southpaw on Wednesday! Might also be the only one this week, with the Aces, who would come in on the weekend, not having one in their rotation at this point.

Game 1
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P E. Cannon
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – C James – LF Hall – P Chavez

Bernie Chavez struck out three in the opening inning, but also allowed two singles and the battery as a whole leaked three stolen bases to Guillermo Obando (nipping his way to third) and Mario Hurtado (who singled him in and stole second) to fall 1-0 behind right away. The Coons’ answer consisted of singles with two outs by Wallace and Perkins, who was then struck in the ankle by Ed Hooge’s batted ball to end the inning and limped off the field. While the Crusaders stopped scoring for a while after that, Bernie would not stop *dealing*. He piled up the strikeouts and reached a lofty ten when he rung up Zachary Ryder to begin the fifth inning. Ten strikeouts were an unheard of pile for this particular Coons team! Cannon grounded out in the inning, and Obando got rung up for #11. And while Chavez’ pitch count was exploding, the stuff on display didn’t help the Critters to score, either; Cannon was still tossing a shutout at that point against the Critters, who had failed to score even after Hurtado made errors on consecutive plays in the second inning. On to the bottom 5th, where Chavez snapped a 1-out single to right. Berto struck out to continue his monthlong struggles, but Stalker singled to left-center. Bernie turned second, but got nowhere near third base before being caught and beaten to death in a rundown, which ended the inning. The excitement of running the bases also threw off his stuff and the sixth began on a first-pitch double by Jay Elder. Hurtado flew out to right, but Tony Coca worked a full-count walk. Bernie battled down Matt Dear, who fanned himself for the rook’s 12th and final strikeout. With Cambra up, two on, and two outs, and Chavez on 105 pitches, the Coons went to Hennessy. There was a full count, the runners went, and Cambra looked at strike three on the corners. Portland stranded a Jimmy Wallace leadoff double in the bottom 6th, then saw Anaya surrender a run on Eddie Cannon’s RBI double in the seventh. In other words – despair. Bates and Garavito held the Crusaders to a 2-0 lead while the Coons also wasted a leadoff single by Tim Stalker in the eighth. Bottom 9th, facing right-hander Casey Moore, Howden snipped a leadoff single, bringing up the tying run in Giovanni James, who promptly walked. The winning run turned up in Nate Hall, who lined out to Elder, with James narrowly avoiding being doubled off. Zitzner hit for the pitcher and popped out, leaving it to an 0-for-4 Ramos. Berto hit the ****tiest bloop for a single, presenting Stalker with three on and two outs. He struck out. 2-0 Crusaders. Stalker 2-5; Wallace 2-4, 2B; Howden 2-4; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Chavez 5.2 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 12 K, L (1-2) and 1-2;

We out-hit them 11-4. Bernie struck out TWELVE for ****’s sake!!

And can someone please stop the bickering in the clubhouse??

Game 2
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF J. Lopez – 3B Ryder – P Benavides
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – CF Pinkerton – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Coffee

The Critters got two runs in the opening inning, singled in by Wallace with two outs when he found Ramos (double) and Perkins (walk) in scoring position. Unfortunately it didn’t take long for some playful cat to push the mug of Coffee over the edge of the mound. Zachary Ryder opened the third inning with a single to right, then stole second. Benavides bunted them on and Obando hit an RBI single, then stole second. They were in fact very much stealing at will here against either catcher… where Elliott Thompson was concerned, I saw no bat, and also no glove… again. Coffee then walked the bags full with one out in a 2-1 game, surrendered a sac fly to Coca that tied the game, and then got help from Perkins with a nifty play on Matt Dear’s quick bouncer to end the damn inning.

The middle innings were mostly uneventful, and by the end of them it was still 2-2 with both teams on three hits. There was one crucial at-bat with Obando in scoring position where Coffee managed to ring up Coca in the fifth that showed some flash of talent, briefly. Coffee reached the seventh and rung up Benavides to begin the inning – an arduous 8-pitch process in a full count… - then was lifted for a reliever for crossing over the 100-pitch mark. Jared Stone would face five batters and retire the last four after an Obando single to begin his outing. With two outs in the top 8th, a double switch entered Fernandez in the #7 hole with Ed Hooge now batting ninth and playing center. Fernandez walked Cambra on four pitches, but then got pinch-hitting ex-Coon Rafael Gomez, batting .280 in a bench role, to ground out to Perkins. After another bottom half of nothing, Ryder hit a leadoff single off Fernandez in the ninth, and only now the Critters went to Chris Wise to defend the tie. Although Ryder wound up stealing second base, Wise stranded him by retiring PH Felipe Delgado, Obando, and Elder in order. The Coons only got on base with two outs against Manny Sosa in the bottom 9th, a Zitzner single that was their first hit in a couple of hours. Sosa threw a wild 0-1 to Jimmy Wallace en route to walking the count full, which crucially put Zitzner in scoring position. The 3-2 Wallace smacked to center, sending Coca back, and back, and back, and he didn’t get it! Ball to the wall, Zitzner across home plate – it was a walkoff!! 3-2 Furballs!! Wallace 2-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Rodriguez 1-2, BB;

The rush of sudden victory was soon turned into dismay when Maud told me that Nick Valdes would stop by for the next few days. He arrived on Wednesday just before game time and showed me the current issue of “Psycho Monthly” with a bald guy with glowing white eyes on the cover, that contained an article about color theory. He explained that if the Raccoons changed their uniform to pink shirts, green pants, orange hats, and yellow-and-blue striped socks, they would throw opponents so off-kilter to win every single game.

Over my dead body!

Game 3
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – C F. Delgado – 3B Ryder – P Serrano
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Sabre

Three batters in, the Coons led 3-0 thanks to a walk to Ramos, a Stalker single, and then a long Jimmy Wallace homer, who now had four RBI in his last two strokes, and six in his last two games, incidentally all the Coons’ RBI in that span. It also didn’t look like his stranglehold on the run production would cease so soon since the rest of the lineup was busy picking their pointy black noses. Ramos hit a leadoff single in the third, but was left on base even by Wallace. On the other end of the box score Sabre had blown the 3-0 lead by fourth inning. Ryder drew a leadoff walk in the top 3rd, stole second (…!!) and scored on an Obando grounder eventually, and in the fourth Hurtado hit a leadoff single, Coca doubled, and both came home on a Cambra sac fly and a 2-out single by Felipe Delgado, respectively. Sabre fooled nobody, and couldn’t get strike three past anybody. Serrano even hit a leadoff single in the fifth, but was stranded at second base. The Crusaders were one ball away from getting the leadoff batter on for the fourth inning in a row come the top 6th, but Coca flew out to Hooge at 3-1 and Sabre actually turned in a 1-2-3 inning on account of the defense – he still had no strikeouts. He retired Felipe Delgado and Zachary Ryder to being the seventh, then had Serrano at 0-2. Come on, Raffy, get at least one! Serrano singled, prompting Valdes to murmur that none of this would happen if all the Coons would be wearing psychedelic colors. Sabre walked Obando, was yanked, Anaya walked Elder to fill the bases, surrendered the go-ahead run on a Hurtado infield single, and then relied on Perkins to make a barehanded play on Coca’s roller for the final out at first base.

Bottom 7th, Hall and Howden were on with singles when Serrano lost Ramos to a 2-out walk, filling the bags. Stalker ran another full count, Serrano planted one near the corner, didn’t get the call, and with the tying run forced in, 4-4, was visibly angry and even Delgado gave the home plate umpire a “Dude…!” expression. The bases were loaded for Jimmy Wallace, the little terror, who would face ex-Coon Billy Brotman, but why go to a pinch-hitter now. Jimmy’d have our back! “No, no, no!”, Valdes shouted, pointing out that we needed a dark-haired batter now according to the color wheel on page 78! When Wallace zinged a liner to right for a 2-out single, 6-4, I wrestled the magazine from the owner, tore it, and slammed it into the wicker waste basket.

Perkins grounded out, sending the game to the eighth where Fernandez got bombed by both Cambra and Delgado to blow the lead and drop us back into a 6-6 tie. Nick Bates would do a scoreless ninth after a leadoff single by Obando and a 6-4-3 grounder by Jay Elder. That brought back Wednesday’s loser, Manny Sosa, in another tied game in the ninth. Thompson would lead off, but not with a .188 clip that was dropping dramatically. Pinkerton grounded out instead. Giovanni James whiffed in the #9 hole, but Ramos singled and stole second. Stalker grounded out to short, though, and ANOTHER game went to extras. Wise held the Crusaders at bay in the top 10th before Wallace clubbed Sosa again for a leadoff double. C’mon, boys! Nobody wants to play 16! And nobody would – while Perkins grounded out to third, not advancing the runner, Ed Hooge found the gap where Wallace had walked off the Critters against Sosa the day before… and it fell again for another walkoff double! 7-6 Critters!! Ramos 3-3, 2 BB; Wallace 3-5, HR, 2B, 5 RBI; Howden (PH) 1-1;

Haah!! Haaahh!! ECSTASY!! (hugs Valdes as they jump up and down in the office screaming like morons while Slappy lies passed out on the couch)

Raccoons (39-57) vs. Aces (41-56) – July 23-25, 2032

The Aces were also more than 20 games out in their division, so these teams had but strings to play out in late July. Also, not a lot of assets to trade in… Vegas was eighth in runs scored, ninth in runs allowed, and had a -57 run differential that looked a lot better than the Critters’ -119, but at least the latter one didn’t continue to accelerate its growth currently. And we were up 2-1 against the Aces this year, who had a bottom three rotation just like us. Also, shaky defense, and no power. While Howden led the Coons with nine homers, the Aces were co-led by Ruben Orozco and Josh Motley with eight apiece.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (6-9, 5.04 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (6-4, 3.79 ERA)
Jason Gurney (4-7, 6.28 ERA) vs. Natanael Abrao (2-8, 3.77 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-2, 4.50 ERA) vs. Steve Carr (0-5, 4.97 ERA)

All righties here; but the thing that worried me right now was that Nick Valdes had originally planned to fly out Friday morning, but he had found the last game joyous and had decided to stay another day. That could only mean boundless horrors to befall Ignacio del Rio in the series opener.

Game 1
LVA: CF Beckel – RF E. Martin – 1B Jon Gonzalez – LF Montes – 3B Armfield – C Motley – 2B Sibley – P Klages – SS Baer
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF W. Rodriguez – C James – P del Rio

ROTY contender Danny Beckel opened the game with a single up the middle before Evan Martin poked a 3-0 pitch into a double play. The Critters got Berto on with a leadoff single, and in with a Stalker double of the fence. Wallace’s grounder and Perkins’ sac fly plated Stalker for an early 2-0 lead. On to the top 2nd, where Chad Armfield and Josh Motley hit 1-out singles. Del Rio fumbled Ross Sibley’s grounder for an error, which pulled up the pitcher, batting weirdly in the #8 hole again. The Aces were so *weird*. Also, del Rio sucked. He balked in Armfield, then threw a wild pitch that plated Motley, all with the ****ing pitcher at the plate! Klages popped out and Todd Baer flew out to Rodriguez, stranding Sibley at third base, and somehow those two runs were unearned according to the scorer, but me and Valdes were arguing who would get to shoot del Rio in the ass with the blunderbuss first. The top four of the Aces’ lineup all slapped base hits for two more runs to take a 4-2 lead in the third inning, which was a neat prelude to the fifth inning, which saw Andy Montes single before Chad Armfield hit a 2-piece to left. Motley got on base, but with two outs Klages came to the plate. Surely that would end the inning and del Rio’s ****ty day. Well, Klages ended del Rio’s ****ty day, but not the inning, slamming a 2-run homer to left-center to run the score to 8-2.

The Coons got two runs back after loading the bags with James (single), Hall (nailed), and Ramos (single) in the bottom 5th and nobody out. Both runs came in on groundouts, 8-4, but that didn’t look like it would be enough… While Garavito pitched two quick innings, Ed Hooge was picked off first after a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, which was also not conducive to a rally. Bates and Fernandez came apart for three runs in a never-ending eighth inning (all runs charged to the right-hander), and that put the game finally out of reach and gave everybody their favorite gimmick in the ninth inning – Preston Pinkerton on the mound, his first hurling outing in over a month. So, see, Nick, he’s well rested! Motley hit a bloop single to left. Sibley singled past Marsingill to right. Ruben Orozco hit a 3-run homer, taking sole possession of the Aces’ team lead at nine… The next three batters made outs, but the rout was *on*. 14-4 Aces. Ramos 2-4; Stalker 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; James 2-2, 2 BB; Garavito 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Competitive, Nick? How many more millions are you willing to wire us next year?

Well, he sure slammed the door on the way out.

Game 2
LVA: RF Beckel – LF E. Martin – 3B Armfield – SS Baer – 2B Sibley – 1B Schlegelmilch – C R. Ortiz – CF Hatley – P Abrao
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF W. Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Gurney

While Hooge slapped an RBI single to score Stalker in the bottom 1st, the Raccoons had runners on the corners with two outs in both of the first two innings, had Howden and Stalker hit deep drives, respectively, and both of them robbed at the fence, by Nick Hatley and Evan Martin, in turn. Meanwhile Gurney lined up three scoreless innings on 23 pitches, which included two singles and no fewer than SIX pops around the infield. Oh, I’m sure it’ll be *fine*.

Bottom 3rd, Wallace led off with a liner to right, but square at Beckel for the first out. Perkins doubled to left, Hooge grounded out, but Howden’s dying quail brought in the runner as it fell for a single, 2-0. Rodriguez then raked a double in the gap that was not caught for a change, with Howden getting a very early start and being waved around to score just ahead of the relay throw. Thompson singled, and so did Gurney, a soft liner that fell near the first base line and brought home Wilson from second base, 4-0! Berto hit a bloop single to load them up (Thompson at second wasn’t going to score on much in front of the outfielders…), and Stalker hit ANOTHER bloop single to get the catcher across, 5-0, and that brought up Jimmy “Hot ****” Wallace, who raked away at the first pitch and hit it OUTTA HERE!! GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

That was the end of Abrao, who was mopped up into a bucket and replaced by Andres Rodriguez, who whiffed Perkins to end the bottom 3rd, with Gurney well set up for a W with the 9-0 lead. He maintained a 2-hitter through five, and Berto was lifted after drawing a walk in the bottom 5th, with Marsingill taking over. Stalker went on to reach on an error, and then Wallace drove in the two runners with a liner to right, 11-0! Nate Hall replaced Wallace after the inning to conserve his splurging offensive juice for Sunday. Gurney maintained shutout pace into the eighth inning when Ricky Ortiz hit his 65th pitch (!) for a leadoff jack. Nick Hatley doubled and Jon Gonzalez walked, which got the pen going after al. Beckel struck out in a full count, and we’d take it one at a time with Gurney now, and in fact Evan Martin was the last batter he faced. Martin singled, loading them up, and maybe an actual pitcher could prevent this game from becoming ugly now. Anaya came on, got a comebacker for an out at home from Armfield, then surrendered a bases-clearing double to Todd Baer, so the answer on that would be NO. Those were still the last runs for the Aces, Hennessy sitting them down in order in the ninth. 11-4 Coons! Wallace 2-4, HR, 6 RBI; Perkins 2-5, 2B; Hooge 2-5, RBI; Gurney 7.1 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, W (5-7) and 2-4, RBI;

Every Raccoon in the lineup had a hit after the third inning and everybody but Hooge had scored a run! Hooge didn’t get one later, either, because you have to play in front of Jimmy Wallace to score on this team!

Game 3
LVA: CF Beckel – RF E. Martin – 1B Jon Gonzalez – LF Montes – 3B Armfield – C Motley – 2B Sibley – P R. Gonzalez – SS Baer
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Chavez

Bernie allowed a single in each of the first three innings, twice leading off, including once to the ****ing opposing pitcher batting a nightmarish eighth again, but the Aces couldn’t get on board for one double play Martin hit into and four batters rung up early on by Chavez. Portland took a 1-0 lead in the second on a rare Nate Hall homer, and that was all the offense through five. But by the middle innnigs the Aces were also making contact reliably against Chavez; Perkins shagged a liner each in the fourth and fifth, and only Robby Gonzalez was struck out before things got tight in the top 6th. Baer singled, Martin got nailed, and that made a .312 hitter with seven homers appear in former Critter Jon Gonzalez. After a lengthy mound conference Todd Baer took off for third base on the first pitch to Gonzalez – and was thrown out by Thompson! Martin still scurried up into scoring position, but I liked that situation much better already. Gonzalez flew out to right, and the Coons remained up 1-0 on six shutout innings by Chavez, who had tossed 70 pitches so far. Bottom 6th, the Coons had something stirring with two down. Wallace doubled, Perkins singled, and they were on the corners for Ed Hooge. Ed shot a 1-1 pitch up the middle, Baer lunged but missed it, and the RBI single doubled our lead to 2-0. Zitzner bounced hard to Jon Gonzalez, who was struck in the wrist and assessed a hard-luck error that loaded the bases for Hall, who shot the hole next to Sibley for an RBI single, 3-0. Thompson grounded out to Baer.

Sibley struck out to end the seventh, which Chavez had begun with a leadoff walk to Andy Montes. We found him to be going just fine still, and he batted for himself leading off the bottom 7th, but he was still drummed from the game in the eighth. Baer hit a double to left, and Beckel homered to left-center to end Bernie’s day. Bringing in Garavito amped up the hurt when he walked Martin and allowed a double to Gonzalez, all with one out. Montes struck out, and the Coons went to Stone against the right-handed batter Chad Armfield, with the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position. 1-2 pitch, swung, missed – inning over. The Coons failed to find an insurance run, and when the ninth rolled around, Hennessy got the call against three left-handed batters in the 6-7-8 holes… but Ted Schlegelmilch batted for Motley right away. Hennessy walked him, and when switch-hitter Ricky Ortiz batted for Sibley, the Coons went to Wise, who threw the first pitch for a double play grounder, but then yielded a 2-out single to Hatley. Todd Baer struck out, ending the series with a Coons win. 3-2 Critters. Wallace 3-4, 2B; Perkins 2-4; Hall 2-3, HR, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.1 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (2-2);

In other news

July 23 – DEN 2B/SS Mario Pizano (.215, 5 HR, 28 RBI) ends the Gold Sox’ game against the Miners with a walkoff single in the 12th, giving Denver the 11-10 win after the game went to extra innings tied at three. BOTH teams scored FIVE runs in the 10th inning, another run in the 11th, and the Miners took a fourth lead in the top 12th before blowing that, too.
July 24 – In the Wolves’ 17-5 smattering of the Capitals, all their starting position players have multiple base hits, and all but one each score and drive in a run. INF/RF Jose Castro (.324, 7 HR, 42 RBI) and OF Brian Way (.260, 2 HR, 31 RBI) both land three hits, three RBI, and score three runs.

Complaints and stuff

Three hits didn’t help Jimmy Wallace on Sunday – since nobody ahead of him reached base, ever, he didn’t get to add to his mad RBI tally this week and remained stuck at *15*. He appropriately was named Player of the Week in the Continental League for the first time in his career, cracking .520 (13-for-25) with two dingers (one slam) and those 15 guys scored.

I see potential for Bernie Chavez. Maybe not of the Jonny Toner level, or even the Nick Brown level, but he reminds me of Mark Roberts. Very good stuff, strong command over all his pitches, and occasionally he will throw it somewhere that makes you sit there with mouth agape wondering how the **** he could think throwing it there would be a good idea and – oh my – that sounds like my car alarm coming from the parking lot behind centerfield.

I see no potential for Ernie Quintero … at least in the Coons organization. The Falcons signed him for almost $800k. I couldn’t come up with the funds to make another offer.

SP Ernie Quintero - $700,000 – NOPE
CF Jesus Maldonado - $466,000 – SIGNED
1B Damian Salazar - $22,000 – SIGNED
SP Fiorenzo DeSanctis - $15,000 – SIGNED
SP Alex Vazquez - $8,000 – SIGNED
TOTAL – $511,000 SIGNED

Next week, Knights and Falcons on a Southeast Tour. Also the trade deadline, but I don’t see anything happening.

Fun Fact: 38 years ago today, the Coons’ Jorge Salazar doled out six base hits in a 7-5 win in Milwaukee.*

That was five singles, a double, and one run driven in. Jason Turner started the game for Portland in his decline and was done after five innings of 3-run ball. Salazar’s sixth hit didn’t come until the deciding 11th inning before he was driven in on a 2-run double by Cam Green. Matt Higgins also chipped in an RBI single. Jackie Lagarde *tried* to blow the 7-4 lead in the bottom 11th, but only gave up one run before ending the game with a punchout against Gates Golunski.

Golunski – awesome name – spent eight years in the majors, seven of them with the Loggers. A career .248 batter with 46 homers in a power position, he didn’t necessarily help them back then. Salazar won four Gold Gloves and was an All Star three tims in a 16-year career for four teams, Portland being the third stop. He was around for almost all our 1989-1996 dynasty, signing in prior to the 1990 season, and was traded to Pittsburgh in the 1997 collapse. He hit .284 with 23 homers and 648 RBI for his career, but that’s fine for a shortstop. For Portland, he hit .296/.362/.372 with 12 HR and 349 RBI.

…and then there’s Jackie Lagarde, the prototype erratic right-hander that spent most of his 12-year career with the Coons, but in two stints separated by him winding up for the damn Elks. He went 40-44, with 85 saves and a 3.07 ERA. Walks were always his problem, he usually doled out four per nine innings, and sometimes (1995) six…

*This game predates me posting daily lineups, so it’s not available here.
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Old 09-10-2019, 06:32 PM   #2968
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Raccoons (41-58) @ Knights (52-45) – July 26-28, 2032

For the last two seasons, the Raccoons were a combined 1-11 against Atlanta, with the win coming in 2031; this year, their record was 0-3 against Georgia’s peachiest, who sat right around the league average in runs scored and allowed. They were hitting for average and power, but as a team had fewer steals than Alberto Ramos alone. Their pitching was okay, but could use better defense… yeah, I know, and the Coons still couldn’t come close to a win against them.

Projected matchups:
Travis Coffee (0-4, 5.46 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (7-9, 4.68 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-6, 4.66 ERA) vs. Mario Rosas (13-5, 2.85 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (6-10, 5.32 ERA) vs. Justin Osterloh (3-3, 3.53 ERA)

Right, left, right – and then an off day, on which we’d probably straight-skip Gurney, but at least push him behind Bernie Chavez, who was clearly the best of the rotten bunch right now.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hooge – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Hall – 2B Marsingill – C Thompson – P Coffee
ATL: LF Inoa – 3B Maneke – RF Pincus – 1B Harenberg – 2B J. Johnson – SS Thomson – C Allomes – CF Seago – P Inderrieden

There probably wasn’t a pitcher readier to be robbed than Inderrieden in the league. He had a rather subtle sign when he would go to home plate: before he started the throwing motion, he’d shout “Here it comes!” to the catcher, but he wouldn’t do it when he started to move and then stepped off. It took the advance scouts hours of video to find that small cinch, but with that knowledge the Raccoons figured to have an edge … if they could get on base. Ramos could in the third inning, stole his 34th base of the year (Knights: 29), then was stranded by Hooge and Wallace. Amazingly, Travis Coffee made the Knights let him leave alone for a long time; they had but one hit through five innings on a single by Kevin Harenberg – 2026 (and 2028) World Series champ with Portland, as should be mentioned from time to time – and had two aboard in the bottom 2nd, but stranded them, and got Dylan Allomes – foe in the 2026 World Series! – on with a leadoff walk in the fifth, but left him, too. The Coons had nothing but the Berto single through five, either. Marsingill was walked accidentally in the fifth, and Berto was so with intent, and nobody scored, either. When it seemed to go wrong for Coffee in the bottom 6th, it seemed to go WRONG at once – Luis Inoa singled through Howden to begin the inning, Chris Maneke doubled to left, Coffee balked home the maiden run, and then Roy Pincus legged out an infield single on which Perkins shooed back Maneke to third base, but couldn’t get the runner. One in, two on the corners, three outs left to get – and Coffee got them with two strikeouts and a sacrificial lamb in form of Justin Marsingill, who sprained his elbow on a diving catch on John Johnson’s line drive and had to be replaced by Tim Stalker, the regular at the keystone.

Bottom 7th, Coffee was chased with runners on the corners and one out on account of singles by Allomes and … the opposing pitcher. Garavito got a grounder from PH Rich Parker to Stalker that Tim tried to turn for two, except that Ramos muffed it at second base and everybody was safe on the error, including Allomes across home plate. Garavito walked the bags full, then was yanked for Jared Stone, who rung up Pincus and got Harenberg to fly out to keep things at 2-0. Nothing changed in the eighth, and when southpaw Roland Warner alighted for the ninth to close it out for Inderrieden, the Coons were still held to that Ramos single, and didn’t look like much of a comeback threat. Perkins grounded out. Zitzner hit for Howden… and struck out. Rodriguez batted for Hall… and grounded out. 2-0 Knights.

Coffee now 0-5 and falling. Reminds one of the sad sagas of “Winless” Watanabe (0-6 with a 3.00 ERA in 2005) and Damani Knight from many moons ago.

He didn’t fall quite as deep as Elliott Thompson, though. After 27 games and 99 PA’s worth of .180/.245/.236, the Critters pulled the plug and sent the rookie back to St. Petersburg. Anybody remember Toby Ross, that waiver claim with the 5-year deal for next-to-no money from last season? He was promoted after hitting .315 with 13 homers in 90 games in St. Pete.

Word on Marsingill was that he would miss less than a week with the elbow strain, so he was not placed on the DL for now.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – C Ross – CF Pinkerton – P Sabre
ATL: LF Inoa – 3B Maneke – RF Pincus – 1B Harenberg – 2B J. Johnson – SS Thomson – C Allomes – CF Seago – P Rosas

Sabre’s busy bottom of the first saw him allow a leadoff single to Luis Inoa, Zitzner place Maneke on base with a stupid fumbling error, and Harenberg nailed with a pitch, and somehow Sabre escaped it all unharmed, thanks to a double play grounder in between. The early innings were scoreless, part of which a result of the Coons not getting a non-Ramos-engineered base hit in the series until the fourth inning. Ramos had already singled in the first and had been caught stealing, and he hit a leadoff single in the fourth and chugged around on a Stalker triple that beat Nate Seago in center and rolled all the way to the fence. Perkins would get Stalker home with a groundout, giving Sabre a 2-0 lead going into the bottom 4th. Portland loaded the bases with two outs in the fifth, then with an intentional walk to Ramos, but Stalker flew out to Seago this time to leave all aboard. Sabre managed a 4-hitter through five without getting scored upon. The four hits included screaming singles by Seago and Inoa in the bottom 5th, but Rosas bunted into a double play in between to defuse much of the threat. Bottom 6th, leadoff singles by Pincus, then a double play grounder by Harenberg. But this was Sabre – at some point, lightning had to strike. It struck right there, with two outs in the sixth, a Johnson single, and then back-to-back 4-pitch walks to Keith Thomson and Dylan Allomes. With the left-hander Seago (.235, 10 HR, 28 RBI) at the plate, the Coons were in trouble. An attempt was made to talk sense and/or baseball into Sabre on the mound. The result was that he threw right down the middle. Somehow, Seago missed the fat 1-1 and grounded out to Zitzner, stranding all three runners. After this scare, somehow Sabre would retire another six without much of an issue, and the Coons entered the ninth still up 2-0 (because scoring would require effort, and effort would disturb their second dinner from digesting well). He would finish nine innings despite a 1-out single by Ross in the ninth, getting Pinkerton to pop out and Howden to whiff in the #9 hole. So Wise wound up with that 2-0 lead; he struck out Thomson, Allomes lined out to Rodriguez, and Seago sent Pinkerton back, back, back, back, back … to make the catch at the edge of the warning track. 2-0 Coons. Ramos 2-3, BB; Stalker 2-4, 3B, RBI; Ross 2-4; Sabre 8.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 2 K, W (5-6);

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C James – P del Rio
ATL: LF Inoa – C S. Garcia – RF Pincus – 1B Harenberg – 2B J. Johnson – SS Thomson – 3B Maneke – CF Seago – P Osterloh

The Raccoons’ already dire season made a move for even more horrors in the bottom 3rd of a scoreless game, when ahapless del Rio gave up a leadoff single to Justin Osterloh, who then proceeded swiftly to take out Alberto Ramos to break up a double play attempt on Luis Inoa’s grounder. Ramos had to be helped off the field in some obvious discomfort, and Pinkerton replaced him in the lineup, playing second base. Not that any of this had postseason implications… but imagine this team without Berto …!

Neither team had more than two hits through five innings, but the second Knights’ base knock was a leadoff jack for Seago, #11, in the bottom 5th for the first run of the game. del Rio logged only one more out, a sharp shot at Perkins for the first out in the bottom 6th with Pincus (single) and Harenberg (double) already in scoring position. Del Rio walked Thomson, then was yanked for Hennessy, who gave up a sac fly to Maneke, 2-0, before Seago whiffed the Knights out of the inning. So the Knights stayed close, but that was no help to the Critters, who just couldn’t get *anything* going. 2-0 felt like 6-0. Then it became 3-0 on a clumsy eighth inning attempt by Garavito, and it felt like 9-0. The Raccoons’ rally was limited to a pinch-hit single by Wilson Rodriguez (hey, a sign of life!), and then they disappeared, having scored two runs in 27 innings. 3-0 Knights. Pinkerton 2-2;

Mena! … Mena!!! – Don’t you dare coming to me with bad news!!

Raccoons (42-60) @ Falcons (38-64) – July 30-August 1, 2032

Two terrible teams would play a terrible set of games – no doubt about that. The Falcons were second from the bottom in runs scored and fifth from the bottom in runs allowed, which was plenty bad even though their -77 run differential was borderline humane to watch. They were 4-2 on Portland this year.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (2-2, 4.12 ERA) vs. Chris Miller (4-5, 3.56 ERA)
Jason Gurney (5-7, 6.11 ERA) vs. Mark Matthews (3-7, 6.07 ERA)
Travis Coffee (0-5, 5.02 ERA) vs. Matt Moon (4-4, 4.31 ERA)

Three right-handed pitchers coming up. The Falcons had also played 11 innings in New York on Thursday (for naught), our off day, so they were probably a bit tired today!

No news on Ramos, and in fact I hadn’t seen the Druid in two days…! I am sure it will all be fine, but Berto would miss a game for the first time in about two years, and we had a 3-man bench for the opener at least, because Marsingill wasn’t ready either. It was the four starters in the lineup, and then Nate Hall and Wilson Rodriguez as ****ty emergency infielders.

Game 1
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C James – P Chavez
CHA: SS D. Ruiz – 3B G. Ortiz – C Huichapa – LF Kok – 1B Salto – RF Trahan – CF Adkins – 2B Vitale – P C. Miller

Wallace, Perkins, and Hooge loaded the bases on two singles and a walk in the first inning and then were all stranded by a fly to centerfielder Travis Adkins off the bat of Jarod Howden, the dumb pig. This was their best shot at scoring until the fifth and Stalker’s 2-out double and subsequent balk to third base, but that inning ended on Wallace popping out foul on an 0-2 pitch. While that was going on, Chavez pitched a 1-hitter through five on 51 pitches and would have damn liked some support. It arrived out of the blue in the sixth inning with a 2-out solo homer by Jarod Howden, his 10th of the season, and that also actually made him the first Coon to reach the double-digit zone in dingers… sadly. Oh well it was only almost August… The Falcons countered with a Danny Ruiz infield single, a clean single by Greg Ortiz, then a double steal (no throw by a surprised Giovanni James…) and Ernesto Huichapa’s sac fly for the second out in the bottom 6th, re-knotting the score. Barend Kok struck out, the fifth K for Chavez, who was visibly angry at himself on the way to the dugout.

Chavez scratched his way into the eighth, then facing PH Matt Cooper and losing him to a leadoff walk. Dave Coughenour batted for Miller and singled, and then Ruiz chopped an 0-2 pitch past a reaching Stalker for another single. Three on, no outs. Exit Chavez, enter Stone, who got a run-scoring double play grounder from Ortiz and a lazy fly to right from Huichapa, but that still gave Charlotte the lead and the Coons only three outs to wake the **** up. Falcons righty Tony Rivas began the ninth by throwing a baseball that gently touched Ed Hooge’s jersey and put the tying run on first base with nobody out. Howden instantly struck out, the dumb pig, and Hall flew out to Adkins. Desperate, the Coons reached out to their 3-man bench and sent Zitzner to hit for James, even though that removed the platoon advantage. Zitzner floated a single to left, Barend Kok overran the ball for an error, and the tying and go-ahead runs were in scoring position with two outs for… the pitcher’s spot. We had to hit Toby Ross here rather than Wilson Rodriguez to keep somebody, anybody on the bench – if the game continued, Ross was needed to catch. The game did not continue. Ross grounded out on the first pitch. 2-1 Falcons. Zitzner (PH) 1-1; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, L (2-3);

Oh dear baseball gods in the heavens, what the **** is with the offense??

I get that Pinkerton isn’t ideal in leadoff and - … and where the **** is the Druid?? Mena! … MENA!!!!

Nope, still a 3-man bench on Saturday.

Game 2
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C Ross – P Gurney
CHA: 2B D. Ruiz – SS Coughenour – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – RF Trahan – CF N. Nelson – C Cooper – 1B Vitale – P Matthews

The Portland Shambles got their first baserunner on a Stalker hit-by-pitch in the first. Whatever works…! Next was Jimmy Wallace, who since plating 15 runs in a 4-game span last week had plated zero in the last five games. He lined a 1-1 pitch up the rightfield line. Dave Trahan came over quick, lunged, missed the ball, then slid into the sidewall with great noise. While he was not actively hurt on the play, it sure took him out of the play – and now it was on Nate Nelson to dash over from centerfield to make a play in the corner. They had no chance – Jimmy Wallace circled the bases on an inside-the-park home run, and the Coons were up 2-0! Gurney didn’t implode on contact, and rather singled home Nate Hall, who had stolen his first base in months, in the second inning. With two outs and the team up 3-0, Pinkerton singled, Stalker hit an RBI double, 4-0, and then Wallace hit a comebacker to end the inning. Gurney sure attempted to get rid of the 4-0 lead then, and the bottom 2nd saw him clumsily putting Trahan on base with an infield single, Nelson reached on an actual single, and Erik Vitale drew a 4-pitch walk with two outs. That brought up the pitcher, who singled sharply to center. Two runs scored and Vitale was caught in a rundown to end the inning; 4-2 through two innings.

Ruiz and Salto singles somehow didn’t lead to a fatal meltdown in the third, either. Trahan struck out to strand them in a ful count, which was almost impressive for ’32 Gurney standards. Bottom 4th, leadoff walk to Nelson, wild pitch, another walk to Cooper, Vitale single – three on, no outs, and Jerry Aguilar batted for Matthews in this obvious kill-him spot. Gurney fell to 3-0 before Aguilar swung to the shocked amazement of the home crowd. He popped out to Wallace in shallow right. Ruiz hit a sac fly on the very next pitch, 4-3, and the Coons had already visited the mound three batters ago and could not do so again without having to remove Gurney. Coughenour grounded out to Stalker, ending the dismal, no-good inning. But there was more than one ****ty pitcher on those combined staffs… the Falcons sent Andy Cormier and his 5+ ERA into the fifth inning. Pinkerton walked, then was forced out by Stalker, but Cormier nailed Wallace. That put two on for Perkins with one out, and Justin hit a homer to left at the speed of light on a hanging curve in the fattest part of the plate, 7-3! Hooge singled, stole second, then scored on a Howden double. The Falcons changed pitchers, with Danny Burgess somehow making it out of the inning, so now it was on Gurney. Say, Jason, can you squeeze an 8-3 lead through at least one more inning…?

He could; Ortiz hit a 1-out single, but otherwise the fifth was uneventful. Cooper drew a leadoff walk in the sixth, but was also left on base. Gurney ended the sixth on 93 pitches, so would not hang around for much longer. In fact, the 1-out walk drawn by Salto in the seventh, #5 issued by Gurney against a single pathetic strikeout, was the end of the line. Bates stranded that runner. Charlotte would get a run out of Anaya in the eighth, but that was after Justin Perkins had knocked a 2-out, 2-run double plating Pinkerton and Stalker (nailed again!) in the top of the inning. 10-4 Raccoons! Pinkerton 2-4, BB; Perkins 2-5, HR, 2B, 5 RBI; Howden 2-5, 2B, RBI;

Sunday morning, someone slipped a note under the door of my hotel room. Must have been the Druid – he reported that Alberto Ramos was out for the entire month of August with a knee sprain. Off to the DL he was. The Coons imported 2B/SS Brendan Day, who had signed a $300k contract in the winter, on short notice. He had batted .253 with six homers in St. Pete.

Game 3
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C James – P Coffee
CHA: CF N. Nelson – SS Coughenour – LF Salto – C Huichapa – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B O. Aguirre – RF Kok – 1B Vitale – P M. Moon

The first hit for the Critters was a Jarod Howden double to begin the … fifth inning. At that point it was 1-0 Falcons, courtesy of Huichapa doubling home Salto in the bottom 3rd against an otherwise… uh… lucky Coffee. Giovanni James would shoot ball through Erik Vitale with one out for an RBI triple to tie the score, and while Travis Coffee remained oh-for-his-career, he at least hit a sac fly to center to bring the go-ahead run in, 2-1 in the fifth. Coffee barely made it through five without getting his eyes pecked out, but walked Salto and Ortiz in the bottom 6th and was yanked with one out for Stone, who fell to 3-1 on Oscar Aguirre, who fouled out, and Kok grounded out to short.

That left a slim 2-1 lead to the Coons’ pen, while a pinch-hit triple by Travis Zitzner in the top of the seventh did regrettably not lead to a run when Pinkerton struck out to end the inning. Anaya held together in the Falcons’ seventh, and then the eighth began with an Aguirre error putting on Stalker, who was forced out by Wallace, who then chugged around the bases on Ed Hooge’s triple to center, 3-1. Howden, the dumb pig, grounded out, ending the inning. Anaya continued in the bottom 8th, but allowed a sharp single to Salto to begin the frame. Huichapa also spanked a baseball, but right at Pinkerton for a 4-6-3 double play. Anaya was yanked when he nailed Salto, with the Coons going to Fernandez, who had nothing better to do than to issue four balls to Aguirre. Matt Cooper hit for Barend Kok, but the Coons hung with the left-handed Fernandez, because switching to a right-hander now would mean either Bates or Wise, and neither was an attractive option; the latter could hardly be trusted with three outs, let alone four with the tying run on base. Cooper promptly rocked a 1-2 pitch up the leftfield line for a double. Ortiz scored, and Aguirre was sent around. Wallace’s throw was relayed by Stalker, and Aguirre was OUT at the plate, ending the inning with a 3-2 lead…! In turn, the top 9th yielded two runs for Portland against Tony Rivas; James hit a homer to right, Hall and Pinkerton hit singles, and Stalker chipped in a sac fly to make it 5-2 for Wise. The Falcons were retired in order. 5-2 Coons. James 2-4, HR, 3B, 2 RBI; Zitzner (PH) 1-1, 3B; Hall (PH) 1-1;

In other news

July 26 – Injury-riddled Boston catcher David Lessman (.293, 5 HR, 27 RBI) will miss six weeks with an oblique strain.
July 26 – The Condors acquire SP Josh Irwin (10-7, 3.79 ERA) and cash from the Cyclones for a prospect.
July 27 – Dallas swingman Eric Weitz (9-5, 2.60 ERA, 1 SV) throws a 3-hit shutout against the Cyclones in an 8-0 Stars win in his 26th appearance and 14th start of the season.
July 27 – The Crusaders send C Felipe Delgado (.238, 2 HR, 7 RBI) to the Blue Sox for MR Rob Owensby (2-4, 3.98 ERA) and a prospect.
July 27 – The Loggers deal SP Julio Palomo (7-5, 4.01 ERA) to Pittsburgh for a prospect, and MR Jim Shannon (4-4, 3.98 ERA) to the Cyclones for two more. The latter deal includes interesting, yet unranked prospect CL Cesar Castillo.
July 28 – LAP SP Jorge Beltran (8-1, 2.66 ERA) is lost for this season and maybe part of the 2033 campaign with radial nerve compression.
July 29 – In a double whammy, the Pacifics also lose SP Gavin Lee (5-7, 4.45 ERA) for the season with an elbow strain.
July 29 – The Wolves pick up MIL MR Jacob Poirier (3-1, 1.80 ERA, 1 SV) for a prospect, #90 INF Vince Lutch.
July 30 – ATL 1B Kevin Harenberg (.275, 14 HR, 60 RBI) lands his 2,000th base hit in a 6-3 defeat of the Knights against the Loggers. The 35-year-old Harenberg is a career .298 batter with 225 HR and 1,035 RBI, and a former Rookie of the Year, 2-time World Series champ, World Series MVP, and 5-time Gold Glover.
July 30 – PIT C Keith Leonard (.236, 5 HR, 34 RBI) is out for the season with a torn labrum.
July 31 – The Loggers’ SP Francisco Colmenarez (4-6, 2.73 ERA) spins a 3-hit shutout against the Knights in a 5-0 Milwaukee win, striking out seven.
August 1 – BOS SP Jordan Caldwell (8-11, 3.10 ERA) 2-hits the Condors in a 7-0 Titans win.
August 1 – Atlanta SP Mario Rosas (14-6, 2.66 ERA) spins a 5-hit shutout in a 13-0 rout of the Loggers. It is third straight complete game, including two shutouts.
August 1 – RIC RF/1B Chris Hollar (.253, 5 HR, 23 RBI) bursts out all over the Warriors, plating nine runs with four hits, including two jacks, in a 16-2 rout by the Rebels.

Complaints and stuff

This week was nowhere near his previous one, but the league was convinced that his month had been exceptional, too – and thus Jimmy Wallace was named CL Hitter of the Month with a .326 clip, 5 HR, and 25 RBI. Not ****ty for somebody on a dead-last team.

The team eeked out a winning month in July, which in no way compensated for the absurd horror of the first half. I will still take it.

Of course the Ramos injury makes 100 losses a near-certainty. I can see myself tiring of Pinkerton as leadoff man pretty quick, and who should get the gig then? Well, who?

What a shambles team…! Next week we’ll shamble along at the Bay, then roll home to face the Indians.

Fun Fact: Atlanta’s Mario Rosas is a real work horse with 38 complete games and 9 shutouts to his name.

That is for a 30-year-old pitcher in his seventh season as a full-time starter. He has never led the league in anything, was an All Star and Gold Glover once each, but he somehow knows how to finish games. The 38 CG tie him for 98th all time and 9th among active pitchers. The 9 SHO tie him for 74th all time and 7th among active pitchers.

Somehow the Coons still beat him on Tuesday…

Still in the career top 10 for shutouts: Kisho Saito (20, t-7th), Jonny Toner and Nick Brown (each 18, t-10th).
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:42 PM   #2969
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Raccoons (44-61) @ Bayhawks (56-49) – August 2-4, 2032

Though second in the South, the Baybirds were already ten games out of the Condors and had little hope of making a run down the stretch. They were third in runs scored, fourth in runs allowed, and – depressingly – were undefeated by the puny Coons in six contests so far this season. A season sweep was on the plate in this set…

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (5-6, 4.35 ERA) vs. Joe Dishon (8-6, 3.46 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (6-11, 5.23 ERA) vs. Ben Lipsky (8-4, 3.10 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-3, 3.88 ERA) vs. Gilberto Rendon (5-5, 3.26 ERA)

Only right-handers coming up in this series. The Bayhawks had also made it to this stage of the season without a single player sitting on the DL. Compare that to the Coons, who had a swift 31% of their payroll on the sidelines right now.

Game 1
POR: CF Hooge – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C James – 2B Day – P Sabre
SFB: LF Balado – 3B D. Myers – RF Suhay – C J. Wood – SS J. Cruz – CF Cassell – 1B Pulido – 2B Russell – P Dishon

Ben Suhay plated Jose Balado with a groundout in the first inning, cashing in the leadoff man who had ripped a double off Sabre and had also stolen third base with Giovanni James watching intently. Suhay in turn went on to throw out Howden at home plate to end the top 2nd after Dishon had loaded the bags with one out, bringing up Coons debutee Brendan Day, who flew out to right, and Howden was sent in blind despair, which promptly backfired. Anything involving Jarod Howden backfired… Isaiah Russell grounded to short easily to begin the third inning for San Fran. Stalker’s throw was dropped by Howden, the dumb pig, and the free runner turned into a free run on Balado’s homer to left, 3-0. While the Raccoons couldn’t have done less against Joe Dishon, amounting to three hits through six innings, the Baybirds poked Sabre for another run on three hits in the bottom 5th, then had Ryan Cassell aboard with a 1-out single in the sixth. Jose Pulido grounded to the right side. Howden played the ball and threw it poorly to Sabre, who made a poor swipe at it, the baseball dropped on the poor ground, and the poor GM was eyeing the ocean from his seat. In any case, Sabre got yanked after five and a third, Russell popped out on a 3-1 tossed by Nick Bates, and with two outs Dishon slapped an RBI single off Bates to run the score to 5-0. Perkins handled a spicy Balado grounder to end the goddamn inning. Not that the Bayhawks were spotless – James reached on a Jose Cruz throwing error in the seventh, but we sure were hard pressed to find someone to exploit such mishap… Dishon remained unblemished through eight innings of 4-hit ball, and it wasn’t like the Raccoons ran over Ying-hua Ou in the ninth, either. Nate Hall hit a 1-out double, and Wilson Rodriguez found a hole on the left side for a 2-out RBI single. That was it, though, with Pinkerton grounding out easily to end the inning. 5-1 Bayhawks. Rodriguez (PH) 1-1, RBI;

Three of the five runs on Sabre were earned. Not that this excuses anything…

Game 2
POR: CF Hooge – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – C James – 2B Marsingill – P del Rio
SFB: LF Balado – 3B D. Myers – RF Suhay – C J. Wood – CF Cassell – SS J. Cruz – 2B Russell – 1B Pulido – P Lipsky

Nobody knew quite how to react when the Raccoons threw out some 2-out terror in the opening frame, plating two runs with a sequence of Wallace singling, Perkins hitting an RBI triple to center, and Zitzner sending the guy on the opposite end of the diamond in to make it 2-0 early on. A Balado single in the bottom 1st was removed in Dave Myers’ double play grounder, 5-4-3, and the Coons got more base runners in the second. James was nailed, Marsingill singled, and del Rio’s bunt was taken to third base by Ben Lipsky, just too late with James already sliding in. The fielder’s choice, no outs play loaded them up with nobody retired for the top of the order, and now the time was ripe to make some hay at the Bay! Ed Hooge, who despite some promise of power had zero dingers in 98 at-bats, popped out on the first pitch. Exactly like that! Stalker grounded to Myers, with the pitcher del Rio easily out at second base, but the throw to first was not in time. A run scored on the play, and another one came across when Jimmy Wallace dropped a hit in left near the line, 4-0. Perkins struck out, sending the game to the bottom 2nd, where del Rio gave it all back with easy hits given up to Jimmy Wood, Jose Cruz, ad Isaiah Russell for two runs on the Bayhawks’ side of the box score.

Top 3rd, leadoff singles of the soft variety for Zitzner and Hall, two on, nobody out. James hit into a 6-4-3 double play, and the Bayhawks elected to put on Justin Marsingill with intent and rather go after del Rio. Ignacio singled to right, scoring Zitzner, and Hooge dropped a single that brought in Marsingill, 6-2, before Lipsky lost Stalker to a walk, but Wallace grounded out with the bases loaded to strand three. While del Rio hung in while throwing way too many pitches, the Critters tacked on two more runs in the fifth. Marsingill reached via the walk, stole second base, but del Rio struck out. The Baybirds walked Hooge intentionally, which was a weird choice, then were confounded when the pair – who had entered the game with one stolen base between them – embarked on a double steal with Stalker at the plate. A disoriented Jimmy Wood threw the ball past Myers, and a run scored on the error. Perkins singled home Hooge afterwards, following a Stalker groundout and an intentional walk to Jimmy Wallace. Del Rio didn’t last longer than six and two thirds after excessive pitch wasting especially in the early innings (he was near 60 after three frames). The Coons were still up by six and while the Bayhawks scratched Hennessy for a run in the eighth inning, that constituted by no means a rally. Their yearlong domination of the Critters was over in this game, with Garavito getting around a 2-out single by Russell in the bottom 9th to put the game away. 8-3 Coons. Wallace 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Perkins 2-5, 3B, 2 RBI; Zitzner 3-5, RBI; Marsingill 3-4, BB; del Rio 6.2 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (7-11);

Game 3
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – CF Hooge – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – C Ross – 3B Marsingill – P Chavez
SFB: LF Balado – 3B D. Myers – RF Suhay – C J. Wood – SS J. Cruz – 2B Russell – CF Hawthorne – 1B Pulido – P G. Rendon

While Rendon retired the first ten Coons and didn’t budge after Stalker’s double in the fourth, either, the Bayhawks led 1-0 from the first inning, courtesy of Jose Balado’s leadoff double and two productive groundouts by Myers and Suhay. Chavez struggled to get strike three past anybody, which came back to bite him big time in the bottom 4th, in which the Baybirds scorched him for four hits, including three in 2-strike counts, and two more runs. Suhay plated Myers with a single, and Cruz brought in Suhay with another single, both of those with two strikes. Balado hit a 1-out double on an 0-2 pitch in the fifth, but was stranded for a change. The Coons had gotten on the board in the top 5th on Nate Hall’s leadoff jack to right-center, but still trailed 3-1, and just couldn’t get on base against the almost offensively efficient Rendon. In turn, Chavez’ game was a mess, and the Bayhawks tacked him for a fourth run in the bottom 6th on straight singles by Cruz, Russell, and George Hawthorne.

Top 7th, almost nothing happened after a Jimmy Wallace leadoff double in the gap. He moved up on Zitzner’s groundout, then scored on a Nate Hall grounder to first base, a play he grossly misread, but the Bayhawks weren’t even considering him going on the easy grounder. Neither Pulido nor Rendon ever looked after him until Myers yelled, and then it was too late. So, that run came about more or less by accident, cut the gap to 4-2, temporarily. Chavez threw one pitch in the seventh that Balado peppered outta the damn park, 5-2, and after that the Baybirds were the bullpen’s problem. It was still 5-2 into the ninth, which Stalker opened with a soft single to right against Ying-hua Ou. Hooge was rung up, Wallace grounded into a fielder’s choice. Zitzner grounded to short, ending the game. 5-2 Bayhawks. Stalker 2-4, 2B;

Raccoons (45-63) vs. Indians (59-47) – August 5-8, 2032

We had a 4-3 edge against the Indians this season. The Indians only had a +5 run differential despite being 12 games over .500, with the fourth-place offense, but a pen that couldn’t keep a tightly-wound jar closed if their lives depended on it, and thus the sixth-most runs allowed.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (6-7, 6.02 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (2-2, 6.91 ERA)
Travis Coffee (1-5, 4.60 ERA) vs. John McInerney (9-6, 4.30 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-7, 4.38 ERA) vs. Lance Legleiter (8-9, 4.08 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (7-11, 5.09 ERA) vs. David Saccoccio (9-8, 3.79 ERA)

The only southpaw would be McInerney. The Indians were also in trouble with injuries to Andy Bressner, Mitch Brothers, and Juan Herrera. The former two were starters and their rotation had been in some disarray ever since they went down. Kretzmann was also a recent recall, and would make the Thursday start on short rest, so maybe Gurney could get a win from simply having the other guy get romped harder?

Game 1
IND: 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – LF Acor – 1B D. Brown – SS Eisenberg – C Paiz – 3B de Luna – P Kretzmann
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C James – P Gurney

No. Dan Schneller singled, John Baron was clumsily walked, and Dan Brown crushed a goodbye 3-piece right in the first inning. The Coons hit a single (Pinkerton) in the first, a double (Howden) in the second, a triple (Pinkerton again) in the third… and never scored. They still had nothing on the board in the sixth inning when Gurney’s string of four innings without getting raided for all his valuables ended in another catastrophic inning that saw Frank Eisenberg drop a soft leadoff single before Hooge misjudged Edgar Paiz’ fly for an RBI double. Edwin de Luna grounded out, but Jim Kretzmann ripped an RBI double to left, his second hit in the game. After Dan Schneller’s sharp groundout, Gurney got yanked and Nick Bates inherited a runner at third base and two outs, and promptly surrendered a line drive RBI single to Mike Plunkett, closing the sad story of Gurney at six runs, all earned, all deserved. That wasn’t all in the game – Victor Anaya got bombed with a 2-out, 2-run shot by Dustin Acor in the eighth inning, half a frame after Kretzmann had wobbled enough to put Hooge (nicked) and Howden (walk) on base before giving up a 3-run bomb of his own with two outs and Giovanni James batting. Another run fell out of Pinkerton, pitching the ninth with the Raccoons having given up at that point. There was a Zitzner home run, pinch-hit against southpaw Juan Melendrez in the bottom 9th, but at that point what few people were at the park were already heading home. 9-4 Indians. Pinkerton 2-4, 3B; Howden 1-2, BB, 2B; Zitzner (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI;

(tortured moaning)

Friday brought a visit from Nick Valdes, and also rain and no game, leading to him departing early but not without scolding me for failing to have the weather under control. If he alighted from his private jet in Portland, the sun had to shine!

With the second game rescheduled for Saturday for a double-header. The Indians stuck to McInerney, and the Coons saw no advantage in sending Sabre ahead of Coffee. Neither was going to toss a care-free shutout to preserve the pen for the night game.

Game 2
IND: 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – LF Acor – 1B Gore – C Paiz – SS Eisenberg – 3B de Luna – P McInerney
POR: SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – CF Hooge – C Ross – 2B Day – P Coffee

Though there were some 40 hours in between, Travis Zitzner ripped homers in consecutive at-bats, nailing McInerney for a 3-spot in the bottom 1st after a Stalker single and Perkins reaching on Schneller’s error. Coffee threw three perfect innings to begin the contest, ringing up as many, then was removed from the game for oblique trouble. Well, talk about some ****ing spanner being thrown into the damn gears again!

Garavito would take over for his long-man capabilities, even though the Indians hardly had a left-handed bat in the lineup. It didn’t matter. Just get threw the game, any which way, and then play another one. Portland almost came unglued for a few harmless infield grounders in the fourth. Mike Plunkett reached on a Perkins throwing error, and Garavito couldn’t dig out John Baron’s roller to put another runner on base with an infield single, but Acor then slapped into a double play to Stalker. While I was ordering two pitchers from St. Pete to Portland to be ready for necessary roster moves on Sunday morning, Garavito came to bat twice while pitching not that many innings in between. He got a hit both times. He hit a harmless 2-out single in the fourth, his first base hit in four years, then came back up just after Brendan Day had cashed two with a 2-out single and the bases loaded. Garavito then brought home the remaining runners, Ross and Day, with a triple into the rightfield corner, 7-0. That got rid of McInerney, too. Perversely, come the top 6th, reliever J.J. Rodd would hit a single off Garavito, one of only two base runners he allowed in four innings of work in which he really earned that win … if the rest of the team could hold on. For starters, they tacked on with Rodd serving up a leadoff jack to Ed Hooge in the bottom 7th to make it 8-0. That was also the first homer for Ed Hooge after many, many tries… the feared Indians rally (and maybe extra innings, wouldn’t that be swell??) never materialized, and they went down without much noise against Stone and Fernandez, although the latter did put Schneller and Baron on with base hits in the ninth, except that Schneller tried to go first-to-third on Baron’s single and was thrown out by Wilson Rodriguez. 8-0 Raccoons. Stalker 2-5; Wallace 2-5; Hooge 3-4, HR, RBI; Day 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Coffee 3.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K; Garavito 4.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (2-3) and 2-2, 3B, 2 RBI;

That left four relievers for the second contest: Anaya, Bates, Hennessy, and Wise.

Game 3
IND: 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – LF Acor – 1B Gore – SS Eisenberg – C W. Clark – 3B de Luna – P Legleiter
POR: CF Hooge – 2B Marsingill – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – C James – LF Hall – SS Day – P Sabre

Single, double, double – the Indians went after Sabre right from the start. I wasn’t sure whether Sabre knew that he wasn’t going to be picked up for something trivial like six runs allowed in three innings with the pen already burned to the ground and in the double-header scenario… but maybe an injury would do. Sabre went three, allowing another run on Dustin Acor’s RBI single in the third, but then was unable to continue in the fourth for unknown reasons. That was the luck of the Coons – play a double-header and because of injury get only six innings from your two lackluster starters…!

We threw in the towel right away, meaning Preston Pinkerton would pitch right after Sabre left for the injury. In an unexpected twist, Pinkerton threw three shutout innings *despite* putting the leadoff man on in every single inning! The Indians couldn’t crack him, and when Pinkerton was done led only 3-1 on account of a Jimmy Wallace homer in the fourth, his tenth of the season, matching Howden for the team lead, sadly. Wallace also grounded out to end the bottom 6th with Hooge on first and a 3-0 count in his favor, which I found decidedly less charming. The Coons had the tying runs aboard with twoouts in the bottom 7th against ex-Critter Legleiter, courtesy of a James single and Hall scratching out a sufficient number of balls, but Day grounded out to short to waste the opportunity. In turn, the game got out of hand with Hennessy in the eighth. Free pass to Frank Eisenberg, then a 2-run bomb to left off Will Clark’s backup bat. That put the Coons down by a slam and they didn’t exactly rally from the deep in their half of the eighth, either. Chris Wise got into the ninth, because why should he get out of this scoff-free? Baron and Acor grounded out, but Brad Gore singled up the middle. Wise waived for the trainer, I squealed, and the Druid removed him, too… Nick Bates was the last arm out of the pen for the night, and got the final out when Eisenberg fouled out at 3-1. Yes, I know that actually the Indians got the final outs collected, but I was long past caring about the damn Arrowheads. 5-1 Indians. Pinkerton 3.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 0 K;

Uh, hello? Is there… is St. Pete there? – Yeah, can you send another two or three pitchers? – Oh, you won’t believe it when I tell you…

Alright, business. Sunday morning started with a headache that oughta count for three. First, the good news – the Raccoons had an off day on THURSDAY coming up, so we would not need a fifth starter next week. But we would need a fourth starter, and we didn’t yet know who the **** that would be. The Druid only assured me that Coffee was going to be “highly questionable” for up to a week with the oblique. “Highly questionable” doesn’t mean “out”, so I was assuming I could (ab)use him on short rest on Wednesday against the damn Elks.

There were no news on Sabre or Wise, because the turnaround from Saturday night to Sunday’s game time was but brief and the Druid had only one barrel of pickle brine, so they had to soak in that one after another since they refused to go in (naked, of course) together. That means – no update on either one of those two.

Most relievers were available for the Sunday game behind Ignacio del Rio, with the exception of Garavito, who had thrown a heroic 51 pitches less than 24 hours ago. That still made five relievers to pick from, but I didn’t feel comfortable and was looking for ways to engineer a roster move. Brendan Day, batting 2-for-10, became the obvious victim and was optioned while the Coons added Nick Derks as extra arm. Derks only had three appearances in Portland this year, and a 1.80 ERA.

Game 4
IND: 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – LF Acor – 1B Gore – C Paiz – SS Eisenberg – 3B de Luna – P Saccoccio
POR: CF Hooge – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – C James – LF Hall – 2B Marsingill – P del Rio

Command really eluded del Rio, and while he faced five straight batters in 2-strike counts in the second inning, he only managed to ring up the last one, Saccoccio. Lots of wasted pitches were not gelling well with our strained pitching situation, and maybe I shouldn’t mention strains, so the rest of the suckers wouldn’t get ideas… In any case, del Rio threw 52 pitches through three, but reported fit for duty for the fourth innings, which was not something we saw regularly ‘round here. That still didn’t mean he was any good. 24 more pitches in the fourth resulted in straight runners facing Brad Gore, Edgar Paiz, and Frank Eisenberg, the latter landing a 1-out RBI single for the first run in the game. de Luna hit into a fielder’s choice, and Saccoccio kindly flew out to center. The Critters showed some life at last in the bottom of the inning. Wallace hit a leadoff single and after two pathetic outs Giovanni James homered to left-center, flipping the score in the home team’s favor at 2-1. It just didn’t last long. Schneller and Plunkett hit leadoff singles in the fifth, Gore walked the bags full in a long plate appearance with two outs, and then Paiz hit one past Wallace for another score-flipper, a 2-run double. That put del Rio at 107 pitches and none the wiser, and with that … on the bench. Stone inherited runners in scoring position and two outs, walked Eisenberg, and somehow handled de Luna’s grounder for something other than disaster, keeping the score at 3-2. From Pinkerton’s pinch-walk and Hooge’s double play grounder in the bottom 5th we went straight to Nick Derks, because damage control was what it was all about now. He retired the side in order in the sixth. Bottom 6th, Stalker and Wallace reached base to get going, and then Perkins hit into a double play. (sigh!) Zitzner walked and James lined softly over Dan Schneller to tie the score at three anyway before Hall grounded out to short.

The loss was then hung on Derks, who allowed a 1-out single to Acor in the seventh just before replacement by Fernandez, who basically retired nobody until the Indians had already slapped him around for two runs. But the tying runs were on board with no outs in the bottom 7th, courtesy of Paiz’ error putting Marsingill on first, and Howden working a walk as pinch-hitter. Hooge was rung up, but Stalker cracked a 1-0 pitch up the rightfield line. Plunkett failed to cut it off and the ball went into the corner for a game-tying triple! The Indians resorted to an intentional walk of Wallace, but Saccoccio fell to a Perkins sac fly before being yanked for Melendrez with the Critters now ahead, 6-5. A Zitzner K ended the inning, with the Coons having to collect six outs from Anaya, Hennessy, and Bates. Anaya it was, batting fifth with a change of personnel at first base to give Anaya the chance for a (cackles) 6-out save. He got one out before blowing the game with a Plunkett single and a massive John Baron homer to center, flipping the score for the umpteenth time. It was also the final time, with no Raccoon reaching base again in the game. 7-6 Indians. Wallace 2-3, BB; James 2-4, HR, 3 RBI;

In other news

August 4 – Elbow ligament damage renders NAS SP Pat Staley (4-6, 4.74 ERA) out for this season and questionable for most or all of next season.
August 5 – BOS C/1B Roberto Avila (.234, 5 HR, 25 RBI) has four base hits and plates three runs from the #8 spot in the Titans’ 12-5 rout of the Canadiens.
August 5 – Cyclones and Capitals play to the 11th inning with no score until Cincy’s rookie catcher Nick Howell (.300, 1 HR, 5 RBI) plates Tomas Caraballo with a walkoff single with two outs in the bottom 11th.
August 8 – LAP RF/LF Oscar Mendoza (.266, 8 HR, 42 RBI) will miss time until early September with a strained ACL.
August 8 – LVA SP Pat Sturgis (1-1, 7.15 ERA) will have surgery to get bone chips removed from his elbow and is thus out for the season.

Complaints and stuff

(bleeds from a wound on the eyebrow, with red streams on the face and stains all over the dress shirt) Oh, it’s nothing. We all took a few scratches this week, and I accidentally headbutted the shelves with the bobbleheads in my furious agony.

And I’m sure the Druid will patch me back together once he has taken care of all the players. And Chad. And the kid that Chad tripped over, leading to both tumbling down some stairs. But I hear, Chad is for the most part fine and we won’t need a replacement mascot. He landed softly on an obese senior. And they both landed on the kid. Well-cushioned falls are the best falls, my Aunt Babette always said.

And sometimes she’d claim the Canadians were coming. Well, the Canadiens ARE coming, starting on Monday.

Does anybody else hear the fire alarm?

(taps fresh blood off his eyebrow with a Kleenex, looks at the Kleenex, screams like a girl, and falls off the chair)

Fun Fact: On August 8, 2013, the Rebels’ Kunimatsu Sato churned out six base hits in the Rebels’ 11-8 win over the Capitals, becoming the 48th player to achieve the feat.

Sato was a well-travelled shortstop from 2000 through 2015, playing with ten different teams, some of them twice. He led the FL in at-bats once, which is his only appearance in the record books aside from his 6-hit game that came at the age of 35.

He was also a Raccoon for one season, making 93 appearances and batting .246/.317/.340 with 1 HR and 23 RBI in 2007, the year we finally returned to the light after the Decade of Darkness. He came as free agent, and left as free agent, then went on to sign on a 1-year deal more or less every year for almost another decade.

For his career, he batted .262/.331/.351 with 41 HR and 563 RBI. He also stole 187 bases, including 20+ in his first four full seasons with the Stars from 2001-2004.
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Resident Mets Cynic - The Mets from 1962 onwards, here.

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Old 09-14-2019, 06:05 PM   #2970
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Raccoons (46-66) vs. Canadiens (53-60) – August 9-11, 2032

These were the bottom two teams in the CL as the week began, although the Canadiens were actually within sight of third place. The Raccoons were not in sight of anything, least of October. Vancouver ranked eighth in runs scored, second from the bottom in runs allowed (guess who’s last…) and had a -62 run differential which was kind of cute to the Coons (-120). We did have a 7-5 edge in the season series, though, which I thought worth defending.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (2-4, 4.30 ERA) vs. Logan Bessey (5-3, 3.59 ERA)
Jason Gurney (6-8, 6.17 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (9-9, 4.72 ERA)
TBD vs. Victor Govea (6-9, 4.43 ERA)

The week would start with a southpaw, then proceed with two right-handers. One of the current Elk thorns in our side, outfielder Brian Wojnarowski, was laboring on a sore ankle and was unavailable at least to begin the series.

And with that we get to the injury department of our own dear village club and how that TBD was going to be resolved on Wednesday. It would be Travis Coffee’s turn, but even then on short rest and he was listed as day-to-day with an oblique tweak. The wildest thought surrounding him was to spot-start Garavito in his spot, but it would probably not be a wise move.

Speaking of Wise, Chris Wise was diagnosed with a tight back and was listed as day-to-day for this series. Better not feed him to the damn Elks before they leave hoof marks all over his face. There were no news on Raffaello Sabre on Monday, who like Coffee had left one end of the Saturday double-header with an injury.

Game 1
VAN: 3B Anton – 2B Morrow – RF I. Vega – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – LF A. Torres – CF Tessmann – C F. Garcia – P Bessey
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Marsingill – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – RF Rodriguez – C Ross – LF Hall – P Chavez

With Rodrigez and Ross on base, the Raccoons brought Bernie to the plate with two outs in the bottom 2nd of a scoreless game. Bernie collected his second career RBI, and the first this season, with a clean single to left that sent Wilson Rodriguez home from second base, and Tim Stalker one-upped him with another RBI single before Justin Marsingill found the corner for a 2-run double, a surely sour turn of events for the damn Elks, but nothing we hadn’t seen occurring to a Critter at least 50 times this year… Unfortunately, Chavez didn’t handle the lead well at all and endeavored to see how many batters he would be able to put on base in the next few frames. Bessey got him back with an RBI single, scoring Danny Tessmann in the third, and the fourth saw David Fisher lead off with a single, and they only added from there. T.J. Bennett singled, while Alex Torres whiffed. Tessmann zinged a liner past Perkins’ glove to load the bases, and while Perkins got a handle on Fernando Garcia’s roller, his only play was at first base, and another run scored. Bessey ran a full count before ending the inning with a fly to sizably deep center. Top 5th, Ivan Vega doubled with two outs, then was plated with a Fisher single, and just like that a good lead was whittled down to 4-3. Tessmann and Garcia hit singles in the sixth, but were doubled off when Bessey faked a bunt and instead slapped a liner into Marsingill’s mitten, with the tardy catcher doubled off first to end the inning.

The Raccoons offense was notably absent in the meantime. Between the third and fifth innings, precious little happened with the brown team poking, and nothing worth reporting. In the sixth Nate Hall hit a 2-out single that removed Chavez (on 98 pitches) for sure. Jimmy Wallace slapped a single up the middle, adding a second runner, but Stalker hit a lame grounder to Eric Morrow… and Morrow threw the ball well past Fisher for a 2-base error when the ball disappeared in the Coons’ dugout, causing some mild mayhem before getting stuck in a sachertorte that happened to be standing around. The Furballs were dismayed and bickered at Morrow over the destruction of the delicacy, but at least the error scored them a run right away, 5-3, and ultimately another one when Marsingill legged out an infield single to get Wallace across, too, 6-3. Perkins grounded out to Matt Anton…… except that now Matt Anton threw the ball past the unenviable Fisher, who had to chase that one down in foul territory. One run scored, two reached scoring position, Zitzner was walked intentionally, and then Bessey yanked for right-hander Eric McKinney just when Ed Hooge came about. With the bags full and two outs, Hooge dropped a ball into shallow left-center, two more runs scored, and the inning only ended with a K to Rodriguez, after five unearned runs had engorged the Critters’ lead.

The 9-3 lead turned into the damn Elks having the tying run at the plate with nobody out in the seventh. Nick Derks was inserted after Chavez, but retired nobody between the five batters he faced. Walk, single, triple, single, single went the top 5 in the damn Elks’ lineup, plating three runs and putting two guys on the corners. Here came Garavito, ending the spot start option on Wednesday. We now needed length from him. Alex Torres needed three pitches to homer the game tied. PH Pat Pohl reached first base on a drag bunt after that, but was stranded on two grounders and a K to Anton. Too little, too late. The Coons had little choice but to stick to Garavito, the blown lead be damned, given that Saturday and Sunday had been devastating on an already meh bullpen. The Elks didn’t get him in the eighth or ninth, and he was hit for by Jarod Howden to begin the bottom 9th against right-hander Matt Tillman. Howden singled to center, followed by Rodriguez popping out. Ross singled to left, moving the winning run to second base for Nate Hall, who took a pretty confident rip on a 1-2 pitch and sent it to deep right-center. Pat Pohl was probably not going to get there, and that one kept going and going until it was GONE!! Walkoff homer for Nate Hall …!! 12-9 Critters! Stalker 2-5, RBI; Marsingill 2-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Howden (PH) 1-1; Ross 2-5; Hall 3-5, HR, 3 RBI; Wallace (PH) 1-2;

21 runs, 33 hits – no, I don’t see this being the two worst-pitching teams in the league…

Nick Derks (9.95 ERA) was whisked onto waivers after the game, and the Coons recalled Trevor Draper (0-0, 0.00 ERA in 4.2 innings this year, but 5-6 with a 5.32 ERA career-wise) to make a spot start on *Tuesday*. Jason Gurney would be pushed to Wednesday; but it was not expected that Draper would spend more time than one day on the roster.

Game 2
VAN: 2B Morrow – CF LeJeune – RF I. Vega – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – LF A. Torres – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – P J. Martin
POR: CF Hooge – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – C James – LF Hall – 2B Marsingill – P Draper

To nobody’s great surprise at all, Draper incurred a particularly ugly 3-spot right in the first inning. The parade started with walks to Morrow and Jesse LeJeune, Fisher loaded the bags with a single, and Bennett hit an infield single on a 3-0 pitch that scored the first run. Anton would plate two with a 2-out, full-count single to center before Garcia ended the inning with a fly to right. Top 2nd, leadoff single for the pitcher, then a Morrow double. Oh, for ****’S SAKE!! No amount of cursing helped to make Draper a worthwhile pitcher, that much we had learned in the last few years. LeJeune hit an RBI single, Vega lifted a sac fly, and Fisher grounded out, after LeJeune stole his way to third base, indeed involving a throwing error by Giovanni James, which now of course plated another run, making it 6-0 through two. While Martin needed 24 pitches and faced the minimum once through the order, Draper – because six runs allowed had long ceased being a reason for instant removal around here – dragged himself into the fifth on some 80 pitches before a leadoff walk to Vega and a Fisher single ended his day. Bates replaced him and retired the next three batters without another run coming across, which ALMOST felt like a win. Almost.

The lousy Coons had two hits through five, then loaded them up on Stalker, Wallace, and Howden singles in the bottom 6th. James batted with two outs and struck out to strand them all, which was about as much rally as they had in them. When Pinkerton batted for Jared Stone in the bottom 7th, everybody knew what would come next – stickball by the rule 5 centerfielder. Anton singled, Garcia homered, 8-0. The Coons got only one runner in the late innings and went down like a rock thrown into the Willamette. 8-0 Canadiens. Wallace 2-4; Howden 2-4, 2B; Hall 2-3, BB;

Well, that was ugly. And with that I mean Alex Torres’ performance, which involved him strolling to the plate five times, and then to strike out, strike out, strike out, strike out, aaand … strike out: 0-for-5, 5 K. Even ****ing TREVOR DRAPER rung him up twice.

Next, Draper was on waivers, and by Wendesday Raffaello Sabre was shoved to the DL – ruptured finger tendons, season over. Same injury as Rico Gutierrez by the way.

More holes in the pitching staff. Great.

For Wednesday, the Raccoons called up unloved Dave Martinez (11-7, 3.57 ERA in AAA), who at the news of promotion spontaneously praised Odilon in a high, clear voice, and would get the Sunday start. Also, Chris Baldwin to fill up the infield.

Game 3
VAN: 2B Morrow – CF LeJuene – RF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – LF I. Vega – C van der Hout – P Govea
POR: CF Hooge – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – C James – LF Hall – 2B Marsingill – P Gurney

Nate Hall’s second homer of the series produced the first run of the game with two outs in the bottom 2nd. At that point, Gurney had already walked three and had survived only on stingy defense. On to the third, Eric Morrow grounded to Stalker, who’s throw to first base was dropped by Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, and LeJeune legged out an infield single. Oh, here they come…! The reemerged Wojnarowski hit into a fielder’s choice, but Fisher got nailed by Gurney, who was such a good pitcher… Bennett grounded out, plating the tying run in unearned fashion, while Anton was rung up to end the inning. Singles by the 2-3-4 batters gave Portland a new lead, 2-1, in the bottom 3rd, and Hooge singled home an unearned 2-out run in the fourth inning, exploiting another Morrow error.

The damn Elks failed to do real damage to Gurney, despite Jason’s best efforts to the contrary; he didn’t have a 1-2-3 inning until the sixth. Govea rung up *11* Raccoons in six innings, then was hit for by Tessmann to begin the seventh. Gurney hung in, allowed a leadoff jack – a real bomb – to right to cut the lead to 3-2, then was knocked out on a Morrow double to left. Alex Torres pinch-hit for LeJeune and shook off the platinum sombrero with a walk drawn from Stone, who was then swiftly replaced with Hennessy, who ran a full count to Wojnarowski before allowing a full homer to right, which put the Coons behind, 5-3. They put Hooge and Stalker on base with singles in the seventh, but couldn’t break through against Matt Tillman until the eighth when Giovanni James socked a leadoff jack to get back to 5-4. Hall singled, Marsingill doubled, and suddenly we were in business. Zitzner was already in the #9 hole after a double switch following the top of the eighth, but his fly was too shallow to Wojnarowski and the runners had to hold. They didn’t have to hold on Hooge’s single to center. Hall was in to tie the game, and Marsingill was sent around and scored to give the Coons the lead! …which served to bring up the question who the **** should pitch the ninth inning. Chris Wise longed to go, so he was sent; the top of the order was up, with two right-handers, then two left-handers; Garavito was warming up behind Wise for some insurance, which was necessary after a leadoff walk to Morrow and a groundout that moved the runner to second base. Garavito came in, allowed a single to Wojnarowski on a 2-2 pitch, and then the tying run to come across on Fisher’s groundout to the right side, and the game continued to the bottom 9th tied at six. Nobody scored, so extras we got, and the Critters had nobody left except for Anaya and Fernandez, the latter of which got the call, issued a leadoff walk to one catcher (Garcia), and got an inning-ending double play grounder from the other catcher (Donny van der Hout). The damn Elks had the go-ahead run on third base with one out in the 11th following Morrow and Pohl singles off Fernandez, but he struck out Wojnarowski and Fisher to escape the jam. Bottom 11th, Hooge bounced a ball through Fisher to begin the inning, putting the winning run on first base with nobody out, and the Critters called a hit-and-run with Stalker up, who shot a ball at Lazaro Hernandez at third base. That corner infielder also couldn’t come up with the ball, and said ball had to be curtailed by Ivan Vega in leftfield. With the early start, Hooge was waved around third base, the throw was late, and the Critters had their second walkoff win of the series! 7-6 Furballs!! Hooge 4-6, 3 RBI; Stalker 4-6, 2B, RBI; Wallace 2-5; Fernandez 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (2-3);

**** THOSE ELKS!! HAAHH…!!! (celebratorily shakes fists and dances around the table before tweaking something in the back and falling onto the couch)

Raccoons (48-67) @ Stars (65-48) – August 13-15, 2032

After a very welcome off day, the Critters would invade pitchers’ hell, Dallas. We had taken two out of three in the most recent meeting with them, but that had been in 2029, when we still had something vaguely resembling a pitching staff. The Stars had the highest batting average and the third-most runs in the Federal League, and had actually managed to assemble a young and capable pitching staff that managed to stay in the top half of the FL despite playing in a destitute shoebox half the time. Despite all that, they were more than ten games out in the FL West.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (7-11, 5.12 ERA) vs. Jong-hoo Cho (10-8, 4.96 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-4, 4.32 ERA) vs. John Rucker (8-10, 3.57 ERA)
Dave Martinez (0-0) vs. Mark Roberts (12-5, 3.01 ERA)

How about old Mark Roberts having himself another year in this portable toilet? The home run total of Roberts, 37, was actually *way down* compared to Portland, which was one of those things I would add to the list of a myriad other things that were driving me slowly crazy over time. He had led the CL in homers served up three times in eight seasons with the Coons, with between 19 and 30 homers allowed in his qualifying seasons. He was at 13 homers in 152.2 innings now. He was also one of two southpaws we’d face, the other one being Rucker.

Game 1
POR: CF Hooge – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – C James – LF Hall – 2B Marsingill – P del Rio
DAL: SS J. Ramos – 1B Fowlkes – RF Beard – C Sanford – CF Murray – 3B Roesler – 2B Hendricks – LF N. Baker – P Cho

Walking Stalker and giving up singles to Wallace and Perkins cost Cho a run in the first, but then Howden, the dumb pig, hit into a double play, and the same fate would befall Perkins with Hooge and Wallace on in the top of the third. Del Rio had a solid first time through the order, allowing only one base hit, and then was spotted a 2-0 lead in the fourth when Nate Hall’s unforeseen power barrage continued with a solo homer to right. Bottom 4th, Kyle Beard singled, stole second base on a pitch in the dirt, and then came home on a Ryan Murray single to reduce the lead to a skinny run again. That was it through five, but in the sixth the Stars came back. Leadoff single by Jon Ramos, which made me miss our own Ramos, then another single by Pat Fowlkes, the old Falcon. Ramos stole third base, his 40th on the season, with Fowlkes moving up on the throw by James, and a pathetic throw at that. Beard singled, tying the score at two, and there was still nobody out with runners on the corners. Pat Sanford hit a sac fly to put Dallas in the lead, and Murray’s double play grounder didn’t help anymore. Del Rio lasted seven, but the milk was spilled. The Raccoons couldn’t get their sticks up again with the Stars sending four different relievers to mix and match… which worked even when the Critters sent right-handed pinch-hitters in Zitzner and Rodriguez in the ninth against Adam Moran, a southpaw. Both struck out to end the game. 3-2 Stars. Wallace 2-4; Hall 2-3, HR, RBI;

Mark Roberts was moved up into the Saturday game, but we thought we’d see Rucker on Sunday then. The only other starter that would be rested on Sunday was Eric Weitz (10-6, 3.13 ERA, 1 SV), who was serving a suspension.

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Marsingill – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – CF Hall – C Ross – RF Rodriguez – P Chavez
DAL: SS J. Ramos – 2B R. Padilla – RF Beard – C Sanford – CF Murray – 3B Roesler – 1B Fowlkes – LF N. Baker – P Roberts

Both teams had two on in the second inning and neither one scored. Chavez walked both Murray and Mike Roesler, which was a bit worrisome since normally he had good control, and you didn’t want to put people on base with no pressing need in this ballpark the dimensions of a medium-sized cat’s litter box. Fowlkes lined out to Marsingill and Nick Baker rolled over to short to end the inning. The Coons had them on the corners in the second, but Ross flew out and Rodriguez whiffed, then again in the second, but this time Perkins whiffed and Zitzner popped out. The Stars reached the corners with a 2-out walk to Rafael Padilla and a Beard single in the bottom 3rd, but Bernie struck out Sanford to keep them in check – lots of runners, no runs in the first three innings!

Roberts struck out eight in five shutout innings, which gave him 121 K in 157.2 innings for the season. He added another whiff in each of the next two frames while keeping the Coons to four hits, but reached 101 pitches through seven. Bernie entered the bottom 7th against the bottom of the order on 97 pitches, walked Fowlkes in a full count, and the Stars sent the quick Ricardo Chez to pinch-run, while the Critters sought out lefty relief. Chez stole second against Hennessy and Ross, and Nick Baker dropped a single in front of Hall, putting runners on the corners with no outs. Baker then took off, but was thrown out at second base, and Hennessy rung up Josh Dahlman in a full count for the second out. Another pinch-hitter appeared to hit for Ramos, weirdly enough, in switch-hitter Eric Hendricks, who poked the first pitch to left for an RBI single. That looked like the ballgame, but Padilla flew out, and then the Coons got Marsingill on base against Matt Diduch in the eighth. Perkins forced him out, but with two down got a quick start when Jarod Howden lined a ball up the rightfield line for a pinch-hit double, and came around to score the tying run. The relief was short-lived since the Raccoons then ran out of good relief, ironically. Jared Stone faced three batters, put all of them on base, and they all scored on a 1-out RBI single by Roesler and then, off Garavito, a 2-out, 2-run double by Baker. And this time it was indeed the ballgame… Moran retired the Critters in order in the ninth. 4-1 Stars. Stalker 2-4; Marsingill 2-4; Howden (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI;

Six hits in the shoebox, and three runs in two games… what the …

And that after they put up 19 against the damn Elks in the middle of the week…

Game 3
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – RF Rodriguez – C Ross – 2B Baldwin – P Martinez
DAL: SS J. Ramos – 2B R. Padilla – RF Beard – C Sanford – CF Murray – 3B Roesler – 1B Fowlkes – LF N. Baker – P Rucker

Sanford hit an RBI double in the first, and the second saw Martinez walk Fowlkes with one out and then served up a double to deep right against Baker. The slower-than-molasses Fowlkes had to hold at third base, but was sent when John Rucker flew out to Rodriguez, who then lasered a throw to home plate to kill off Fowlkes with ten feet to spare. Jon Ramos however drew a leadoff walk in the third inning, advanced to third base on Beard’s single, and then came home on Sanford’s sac fly, 2-0. This was all while Rucker retired the Critters in order the first time through the lineup. That changed with Preston Pinkerton’s single in the fourth, although Stalker doubled him off right away. Perkins walked with two away, and then Zitzner got hold of a ball and drilled it over the fence in rightfield, tying the score at two.

Perkins would single home Pinkerton for a 3-2 lead in the sixth, but then Martinez struck again in his best form. He issued a leadoff walk to Sanford in the bottom of the inning, maneuvered around in half-assed fashion for two outs, and then served up a game-tying double to Pat Fowlkes. Baker flew to right, Rodriguez dropped that one, and the error allowed even Fowlkes across, giving Dallas the lead, 4-3. The Coons showed no immediate reaction, going silently in the seventh and eighth against Rucker, who struck out nine, but when Tony Dominguez, a right-hander with a 3.44 ERA, took over for the ninth, Perkins was the first man up and was about to foul out, when Josh Dahlman dropped his pop in foul ground. On the second chance, Perkins doubled, and there was nobody out with the tying run in scoring position. Howden hit for Zitzner, grounded out, but at least advanced the tying run to third base. Hall hit a fly to center, no challenge for Sergio Riquenes, but also too deep for a throw, and Perkins jogged home to tie the score at four. Rodriguez batted for himself (Wallace would have pinch-hit if Perkins had still been on base) and singled, and then Toby Ross sent a fastball out of the park for the go-ahead dinger, and wasn’t that a stunner. Even with the homer, Ross was now barely a .200 hitter…! That made the ninth inning a case for Wise, who retired the 1-2-3 batters on a strikeout and two grounders. 6-4 Coons! Pinkerton 2-4; Perkins 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Rodriguez 2-4;

Oy, a win! Just when I had stopped believing…

In other news

August 9 – OCT 1B Danny Cruz (.304, 16 HR, 74 RBI) shines with a 3-hit game, including two home runs, and 6 RBI in a 15-5 rout of the Falcons.
August 9 – TOP SP David Elliott (12-4, 3.08 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout, whiffing seven, in a 7-0 win over the Blue Sox.
August 9 – In the same game, Topeka’s RF Pablo Sanchez (.380, 6 HR, 38 RBI) runs a hitting streak to 20 games with two doubles.
August 10 – OCT 1B Danny Cruz (.311, 17 HR, 79 RBI) has himself yet another day in a 12-3 spanking of the Falcons, going unretired with two walks and four hits, including three doubles and a dinger, and five runs driven in.
August 14 – The Thunder stop the hitting streak of TOP RF Pablo Sanchez (.375, 6 HR, 40 RBI), who goes 0-for-3 in a 3-1 win over Oklahoma.
August 15 – DEN SP Tommy Weintraub (6-10, 4.34 ERA) will miss at least 12 months with a damaged elbow ligament.
August 15 – In a rare coincidence, no fewer than three games – Bayhawks @ Capitals, Knights @ Cyclones, Crusaders @ Gold Sox – are rained out on Sunday.

Complaints and stuff

Weird week. We went 3-3, but it somehow felt worse. We scored a fair bit against the damn Elks, but also got stuffed for 26 by them, so it was hardly an all-out success, and then got to Dallas and couldn’t find home plate at all. Nine runs in three games in the shoebox was not what I had hoped for…

Monday will be off. After that we’ll start a 9-game homestand against the Miners, Loggers, and Crusaders.

There is not much else to say right now. The best case scenario for the homestand will be that the Coons somehow go a decent 4-5 and are left alone by ownership…

Fun Fact: Mark Roberts (12-5, 2.87 ERA, 122 K) leads the Stars in all triple crown categories.

For his career, the 37-year-old lefty is 163-113 (playing in Portland ain’t give you wins…) with a 3.17 ERA and 2,396 K. If he keeps his Dallas ways going for a few more years, he might actually build a Hall of Fame case after all.
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Old 09-15-2019, 01:41 PM   #2971
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If you are anything like me (mostly nuts), then you are also terribly bothered by OOTP not protecting the numbers of players that go to the DL or are sent to the gulag that is AAA, and then when you recall them a #21 has turned into #23 in AAA, and upon recall is #28. HORRIBLE.

So today, I made this. I will now track all the numbers for all players that make it to the majors for the Coons, and as long as they remain in the organization. Not that total scrums will have a number reserved for the next seven years, but at least I don't have to search back through this thread for the last time the guy was on the roster to give him his number back. It will also make it easier to find a number for a new player without hitting every single bum on the DL and in AAA first in the editor...

Brown are of course all the retired numbers we have, dark gray numbers are reserved, either for obvious reasons (Cookie, Toner), or because I can't make up my mind yet (Nunley, Roberts, but probably nay), red guys are on the DL, and light gray guys are toiling in the minors. On the right are the aforementioned scrums that had their numbers reassigned at some godforsaken point. I might occasionally post this at the start of the year with the roster, or something like that.

Some of the omissions in the first batch are recent departures: #27 Rich Hereford and #11 Tom Scumbag come to mind. #9 was once Vern Kinnear, but the number was never specifically protected.

And a proper update should follow in this spot later today. I tried to do a double whammy yesterday, but got doozy after a number of games in the second week, so there's not much of a hurdle to producing the rest of that week today.
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1 OSANAI : 2 POWELL : 7 NOMURA | RAMOS : 8 REECE : 10 BROWN : 15 HALL : 27 FERNANDEZ : 28 CASAS : 31 CARMONA : 32 WEST : 39 TONER : 46 SAITO

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Old 09-15-2019, 02:54 PM   #2972
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I hadn’t noticed that this occurred with players on the DL before. Thanks for bringing this up. If a player is on the 40 man roster (even if they are on the 60 day DL) they should have their assigned number reserved. If they are in the minors, as long as they are on 40 man roster it should be protected. If they are DFA but retained in the organization then I say it’s a crap shoot if that number is available.

Definitely should be added for fixes next year. Thanks for sharing this I will pay more attention to it
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Old 09-15-2019, 10:34 PM   #2973
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DD Martin View Post
I hadn’t noticed that this occurred with players on the DL before. Thanks for bringing this up. If a player is on the 40 man roster (even if they are on the 60 day DL) they should have their assigned number reserved. If they are in the minors, as long as they are on 40 man roster it should be protected. If they are DFA but retained in the organization then I say it’s a crap shoot if that number is available.

Definitely should be added for fixes next year. Thanks for sharing this I will pay more attention to it
It might be by now. The Coons are dwelling in OOTP 16.

+++

Raccoons (49-69) vs. Miners (52-66) – August 17-19, 2032

Here was another team that only hoped that things would end soon. While second in runs scored in the Federal League, the Miners were also second in allowing the most runs. They had a -11 run differential, which probably hinted at them being due a few wins as they came in. Their rotation was however highly crummy, second-worst in the FL, and a decent pen had all their hands full with the starters. These teams had met another last season, too, when the Miners had swept the Coons.

Projected matchups:
Travis Coffee (1-5, 4.30 ERA) vs. Julio Palomo (7-9, 4.63 ERA)
Jason Gurney (6-8, 6.03 ERA) vs. Jonas Mejia (9-9, 4.84 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (7-12, 5.05 ERA) vs. Joel Trotter (5-7, 5.15 ERA)

Three right-handers; and in fact all their starters were right-handers right now. They could also almost send their best lineup, with the exception of C Keith Leonard, who was out for the season, and shortstop Josh Peddle (.260, 6 HR, 30 RBI) was hobbled with a strained abdomen.

Game 1
PIT: SS Peddle – C Wall – 1B Santillano – 3B Lastrade – RF Palacios – 2B McKenzie – LF Hensley – CF Trawick – P Palomo
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C James – P Coffee

Coffee was spilled in the first, and ferociously so. After Josh Peddle flew out, Kurt Wall, Danny Santillano (25 HR), Omar Lastrade, and Vicente Palacios ripped him for straight hits for two runs and runners in scoring position. Jim McKenzie struck out, and Coffee was this close to getting out with only half his ass shaved, and then threw TWO wild pitches to plate the remaining runners, and then still gave up another two hits to Tony Hensley and Jake Trawick. The Coons picked up a run in the bottom 1st, Wallace with a double and scoring on Perkins’ single, but that was not going to help them, at all. Peddle drew four balls to begin the second, Wall singled to send him to third, and when Santillano grounded out to Howden, nominally, Coffee, the ****ing ass, dropped the throw for an error, so it was 5-1 and still nobody out with two on in the second. Lastrade singled to fill the bags, Palacios hit his 11th homer of the year in slam fashion, and with that Coffee was removed to be beaten to death with a stick in the tunnel to the clubhouse.

The rest of the game was rather sad. Fernandez was abused to pitch three innings and change, but tired in the top 5th and loaded the bags on a single and two walks. He was removed with two outs, with John Hennessy having nothing better to do than to allow all the runners to score on McKenzie’s bases-clearing triple. At that point, nothing mattered anymore, and of course this game also devolved into a Preston Pinkerton pitching appearance in the eighth – no runs on one hit and one walk – and ninth, when he retired the Miners 1-2-3. The Raccoons scored two runs at some point in the game, but for the life of me I couldn’t recount how they did that right now, because I had already gotten my snout stuck in a bottle o’ Capt’n Coma. 12-3 Miners. Wallace 2-4, 2B; Zitzner (PH) 1-1; Anaya 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K; Pinkerton 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 0 K;

Somebody had written “**** YOU” on Coffee’s locker while the game was still raging. Maybe it was me. I don’t remember, honestly.

Pff, Travis Coffee. Is it me or are guys named Travis nothing but trouble?

And I like booze much better anyway.

Game 2
PIT: SS Peddle – C Wall – 1B Santillano – 3B Lastrade – RF Bonaccorsi – 2B McKenzie – LF Palacios – CF Hensley – P Mejia
POR: SS Stalker – LF Hall – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – C James – 2B Baldwin – P Gurney

I already started this game slightly boozed, so it wasn’t that hard to stomach when Gurney got inevitably whooped around in the second inning. Lastrade drew a leadoff walk, Bonaccorsi singled, McKenzie walked – three on, no outs, wonderful. Palacios doubled in two, Hensley had a run-scoring groundout, and Mejia grounded out to move Palacios to third base, where he was stranded when Zitzner swiped in time to contain a lightning-fast Peddle bouncer, keeping the damage to three runs. And again, a game where it was all about limiting the damage to less than 21 runs. Wonderful!

The Coons crowded Mejia in the bottom 3rd, getting Hall, Wallace, and Perkins on base with two outs on two singles and a walk. Hooge flew out too easily to Bonaccorsi to render the situation any fun though… They *did* get a run in the fourth in the most dispiriting way, though. Zitzner hit a double over Bonaccorsi, but James got rung up for the first out. Baldwin grounded to third where Lastrade fumbled the ball for an error that put runners on the corners, and the lead runner was then plated with a wild pitch that also unhorsed the hapless Gurney at the plate. Oh well, finally a brown stain on the uniform that was not suspiciously near his bum hole… After he struck out, Stalker hit a 2-out single to plate Baldwin, getting back to 3-2, before Hall flew out to center. Top 5th, Gurney did not hesitate before giving away the two runs straight away. Peddle hit a 1-out triple, was singled home by Kurt Wall, Santillano hit a double, and Lastrade found a sac fly to left to make it 5-2. Soon enough, Gurney was yanked in shame and disgrace, as usual, and the Coons got some stingy relief pitching for the rest of the way. The problem was just that the offense never materialized. They never got more than one guy aboard in any inning after the Miners re-upped their lead, and they didn’t score any of them, losing listlessly once more. 5-2 Miners. Stalker 2-5, RBI; Hall 2-5; Wallace 2-5; James 2-4, 2B; Garavito 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

Goodness gracious, can anybody on this ****ing team take the ball and not blow the game in the first three innings???

Game 3
PIT: SS Peddle – C Wall – 1B Santillano – 3B Lastrade – RF Palacios – 2B McKenzie – LF Bonaccorsi – CF Trawick – P Trotter
POR: SS Stalker – LF Hall – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P del Rio

Del Rio got licked for four hits (including singles by the first three batters in the game) and two runs in the opening frame, so, nope, there was no common decency on this team anymore. Portland picked up a run on a Hall single and his 10th stolen base, Wallace’s groundout, and then, again, a wild pitch. Sure, whatever works. At least del Rio stopped the bleeding for a bit. He struck out the 7-8-9 batters in order in the second, then navigated the lineup the second time through without any more runs flying onto the board. The Critters got Ed Hooge on in the fourth, he stole second base, then was singled in by Howden to at least tie the score… and then Justin Marsingill swiftly hit into a double play. But on to the fifth, where Jake Trawick opened with a single of the softer kind, was bunted to second base, and then Peddle and Wall both dropped singles in front of no-range Jimmy Wallace, plating the go-ahead run and going to the corners for Santillano, who was surely the most formidable bat in the lineup and had yet to wreak havoc – and still didn’t, grounding a 3-2 pitch to short; with Wall coming from first base, and Santillano not that fast either, Stalker started a 6-4-3 to clean up and keep the difference to one run. Omar Lastrade hit a leadoff double down the leftfield line in the sixth, but the next three batters all flew out right to an outfielder and kept him pinned at second base. In turn, the Critters got Hall and Wallace to the corners with a pair of singles and nobody out in the bottom 6th. Well, maybe NOW… was the time? Was it? Justin Perkins cracked a grounder past Lastrade for an RBI single, tying the game at three, and just when I thought I might not drink myself senseless today, Hooge, Howden, the dumb pig, and Marsingill all made soft outs in the air that prevented anybody from scampering for home to take an actual, ****ing lead.

Del Rio somehow lasted seven innings of 9-hit, 3-run ball after maneuvering around a Trawick leadoff single in the seventh. That still could give him the win (snorts) if the Critters scored in the bottom 7th. Ross, Rodriguez, and Stalker were retired in order. Hennessy wiggled through the eighth against the meat of the order, also got rid of Bonaccorsi in the top 9th, and Wise did the rest. That set up the Coons for a walkoff, facing Ricky Ohl, their longtime setup man, now with a 6.19 ERA, but over 10 K/9. Leading off was Howden, the dumb pig, who ran a 2-0 count before nailing a ball to left and sending Bonaccorsi back, and further back, and this was no good – this one was OUTTA HERE…!! 4-3 Critters!! Hall 2-3, BB; Howden 2-4, HR, 2 RBI;

Raccoons (50-71) vs. Loggers (59-62) – August 20-22, 2032

Here came the Loggers, against whom we led the season series, 6-5, at this point. They were in third place, but well beaten at 17 games out. They were stuck with no offense whatsoever and last in runs scored (barely 3.6 runs per game), negating their very good pitching staff that was surrendering the third-fewest runs in the league.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (2-4, 4.06 ERA) vs. Francisco Colmenarez (6-7, 2.53 ERA)
Dave Martinez (0-0, 4.50 ERA) vs. John Nelson (3-5, 4.32 ERA)
Travis Coffe (1-6, 5.74 ERA) vs. Cody Chamberlin (4-3, 3.91 ERA)

Colmenarez was their only southpaw. Their list of injured players was quite long, too, including two starting pitchers in Alfredo Casique and Mike Hodge, as well as starting catcher Jim Young and outfielders Danny Valenzuela and Mike Wheeler. They had picked up Josh Wool after his release from our ramshackle team. He was batting .238 for them after hitting .181 for us.

Well, was it ever any different?

Game 1
MIL: 3B Meehan – 2B Sessoms – SS W. Morris – RF J. Stephenson – CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – LF Wheeler – C Wool – P Colmenarez
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P Chavez

Nobody quite knew what it was, but whenever Bernie Chavez got close to an ERA in the 3’s something dumb would happen. In the second inning that was a leadoff double by Josh Stephenson on which Pinkerton didn’t look good, coming in before going back out, then hustling into the gap, and ultimately missing the play altogether, with Miles Monroe cashing the run with a single. That erased the Coons’ 1-0 lead from the bottom 1st, attained on Pinkerton and Stalker doubles before the middle of the order had collectively flunked out. That was all the scoring through five innings, with Bernie stalking around leadoff singles in the third (Colmenarez……) and fourth (Wayne Morris). He struck out four against as many hits. He also hit a double in the bottom 5th, but that didn’t lead anywhere pretty… Chavez struck out the first two batters in the sixth, and continued to retire another seven without allowing any Logger on base, those second outs coming on grounders and pops. And what did the Coons do to get him in line for the W? Absolutely nothing, regrettably, amounting to seven hits and two double plays through seven innings. Bernie’s spot was up to begin the bottom 8th, so we sent a pinch-hitter. Nate Hall struck out, and so did Pinkerton and Stalker against the left-hander Colmenarez, giving him 9 K against Chavez’ six. Top 9th, Wise issued a leadoff walk to Jamie Meehan, who was run for by Willie Ojeda, who casually stole two bags off the rather useless Toby Ross, then scored on a Morris single to put the Loggers on top. The bottom 9th saw the meat of the Critters’ order (kinda rotten and full of maggots) against right-hander George Barnett. Perkins lined out to Aaron Sessoms, but Wallace rolled a single up the middle in much softer fashion. That tying run advanced on Howden’s pinch-hit groundout, and then a wild pitch. Ed Hooge batted for Rodriguez with two outs… but grounded out to the pitcher. 2-1 Loggers. Pinkerton 2-4, 2B; Wallace 2-4; Marsingill 2-3; Chavez 8.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K and 1-2, 2B;

A well-pitched loss… Bernie has only two wins in 12 starts despite not pitching like stale ass …

Game 2
MIL: LF W. Ojeda – 2B Sessoms – SS W. Morris – RF J. Stephenson – CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 3B Parten – C Wool – P J. Nelson
POR: SS Stalker – CF Hooge – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Hall – 2B Marsingill – C James – P Martinez

Dave Martinez continued to be extremely aggravating, allowing a single followed by a walk in each of the first three innings. He escaped damage twice, but the third time – after a single to Ojeda and a walk to Sessoms with no outs – Wayne Morris snipped an RBI single to plate Ojeda with the first run of the game. Two strikeouts and a grounder to Perkins ended the inning after that. The royal mess cost Martinez a whopping 69 pitches through three innings, while Nelson faced the minimum on *22* pitches! The Raccoons didn’t even reach base until the fifth inning, when Perkins reached second base on Jason Parten’s throwing error, then was heartlessly stranded like everybody else. Martinez lasted five and two thirds on eight hits before being knocked out by a Parten single on his 104th pitch. Fernandez struck out Josh Wool to end the top 6th, leading into another catcher from the Raccoons’ Opening Day roster hitting a leadoff double to right in the bottom 6th. That was Giovanni James of course, and that was the first base knock for the home team. The Coons stranded him, too, on three ****ty groundouts by Rodriguez, Stalker, and Hooge…

The Coons pen was impeccable. Anaya struck out the side in the seventh, Stone got around a leadoff walk in the eighth, and Garavito was without blemish in the ninth. None of that would score a run for the Critters, who were again trailing the Loggers by a tiny run going into the bottom 9th, and again faced George Barnett, this time with the pitcher’s spot up. Pinkerton was sent to pinch-hit, ran a full count, but flew out to Mike Wheeler. Stalker ripped the first pitch to left, up the line, into the corner, and parked himself on second base with a 1-out double. Hooge fell to 0-2 before poking the ball to short, which helped nothing at all. Wallace hit a fly to center, rather deep, but not deep enough. Gabe Creech mad the catch, and the Coons’ offense remained fantastically moribund. 1-0 Loggers.

Yay, all our hits went for extra bases.

Yeah, well, shucks.

Game 3
MIL: LF W. Ojeda – 2B Sessoms – SS W. Morris – RF J. Stephenson – CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 3B Meehan – C Wool – P J. West
POR: SS Stalker – CF Hooge – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – 2B Marsingill – LF Pinkerton – C James – P Coffee

Joe West (4-10, 4.11 ERA) took the start with the sophomore Chamberlin skipped. Travis Coffee donated him a 3-0 lead right away as he continued to take it not only with bats or clubs, but with chains, whips, and sledgehammers, too. Ojeda hit a leadoff single, scored on a 2-out single by Josh Stephenson, and then Creech homered to left. Monroe drew a walk before a nightmarish first ended with a Meehan K. Nothing got better after that. The Coons still couldn’t their hairy bums in the dark without an intervention, and Coffee continued to have little bits floating at the top. Top 3rd, Stephenson doubled, Creech hit an RBI triple, Coffee walked Monroe, and then Meehan legged out a grounder to break up a double play attempt, allowing the runner from third to score two, 5-0. A sign of life came from Giovanni James with a leadoff jack in the bottom 3rd, which was his 10th of the year, and only one bomb off the team lead, which was another one of those sad facts that mm-mmmgm-ggmmmm (has the Capt’n Coma bottle’s neck shoved halfway in his mouth)

Coffee pitched four and two thirds in despicable fashion before being lifted following a 2-out Monroe double in the fifth… and that was after a Wayne Morris jack had given the Loggers a 6-1 lead. Fernandez got Meehan to fly out to end the inning, collecting the garbage again. The bullpen would again do a good job about being stingy, but with a 5-run deficit I had long lost hope and as a revenge for all the sorrow they were inflicting on me had raided the snack cupboards in the locker room and was not engorging myself on their cookies while watching the “rally” in the seventh that consisted of Pinkerton and Stalker base hits and but a single run. The Loggers failed to add, but still led comfortably enough into the ninth, which southpaw Chris Myers started against the bottom of the order. Pinkerton, James, and Baldwin… all flew out easily. 6-2 Loggers. James 2-4, HR, RBI;

In other news

August 16 – In their makeup game from Sunday’s postponement, DEN SP Michael Frank (15-4, 2.75 ERA) 2-hits the Crusaders for a 5-0 win.
August 16 – SFW SS Jesus Matos (.308, 9 HR, 46 RBI) might miss most of the remaining regular season with a strained anterior cruciate ligament.
August 18 – OCT RF/LF Luis Sagredo (.248, 15 HR, 64 RBI) could miss the rest of the month with a sore wrist.
August 19 – NYC 3B/SS Guillermo Obando (.332, 0 HR, 39 RBI) gets his 2,000th base hit in a 2-for-5 performance on Thursday. The Crusaders lose 7-4 to the Rebels, despite Obando’s two hits for four bases. The milestone hit is a fifth-inning triple of RIC SP Joe Hicks (12-7, 3.57 ERA). Obando, the #3 pick in the 2018 draft by the Capitals and by now 32 years old, is a Gold Glover and 4-time All Star that led the league in stolen bases three times and in triples four times in the 20s. He has 130 career triples, so hitting one for #2,000 was not out of the ordinary. He is a career .295/.363/.381 batter with 23 HR and 630 RBI as well as 480 stolen bases, the latter mark ranking him third all time in ABL history.
August 19 – L.A.’s 33-year-old swingman Bobby Morris (5-0, 1.01 ERA) is set for Tommy John surgery with a partially torn UCL and will miss the next 12 months.
August 21 – TOP 2B/SS Alex Majano (.307, 1 HR, 26 RBI) is out for the season with a ruptured UCL, but will probably not undergo Tommy John surgery.
August 21 – RIC RF/LF Keith Damron (.249, 15 HR, 62 RBI) could miss the rest of the season with back spasms.
August 22 – LAP OF Justin Fowler (.295, 28 HR, 91 RBI) provides the only offense with a home run in the Pacifics’ 1-0 win over the Scorpions .

Complaints and stuff

I mean, the entire season is gruesome. The entire season is one bad date where you get grabbed between the legs despite not even bringing flower while the chainsmoking lady alternates between her puffs and the oxygen mask in her other hand. But the Loggers set was something special. ANOTHER series where we only got off three runs in three games.

Not that we *fixed* our pitching, but the rancid offense is sure the bigger concern right now. And the pen is indeed pretty strong right now. The rotation is definitely not. Coffee has a 22+ ERA in his last few starts, but I don’t even know who to call up anymore.

Who is in the AAA rotation right now? That would be Draper (ack), Steve Russell (that one-and-done waiver claim), Darren Brown (seriously underdone prospect with 100 walks already), and Ian Wilson (2027 supplemental rounder, just promoted from AA). Various guys were cycling through the fifth slot.

As we are on prospects. Anybody remember last year’s #5 pick? Manny Fernandez had been moved to Ham Lake in May and was batting .304/.365/.486 in 66 games there. That didn’t look completely ****. I don’t think we’ll see him in September (that would be rushing it), but he might get the move to St. Pete in September to fill up the roster there when we call up additional players to Portland.

Fun Fact: Pittsburgh first-sacker Danny Santillano has led he Federal League in OPS in the last five seasons. He also won the batting title every year, and the triple crown in 2030.

He is also only 26 years old, yet he already has 619 RBI on 169 homers. Also a career .354 average and a 1.000 OPS. There isn’t really anything not to like about this kid, who the Miners signed for $510k in the July 2022 IFA period.

Not that the Coons were idle – that was the year we spent $362k on Berto. Also $95k on Dave Martinez, and $172k on three more players that never saw the light of day.
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Old 09-18-2019, 07:04 PM   #2974
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Raccoons (50-74) vs. Crusaders (59-65) – August 23-25, 2032

A mere 18 games out, the Crusaders had long buried any hope on being relevant for the time being, although for them it hadn’t bloody quite happened in April. They sat eighth in runs scored, fifth in runs allowed, with a +9 run differential that was nothing to write home about, but they were due a few wins, so I guess it was fitting they came here. They were looking for a season series win; last year somehow the Coons had nailed that one down, but New York was up 7-5 at the current time.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (6-9, 6.09 ERA) vs. Mike Rutkowski (8-7, 3.05 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (7-12, 4.99 ERA) vs. Carlos Marron (4-4, 3.81 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-4, 3.73 ERA) vs. Ramiro Benavides (7-11, 3.65 ERA)

One southpaw to contend with in this series, and that one would come on Wednesday. Not that it mattered, whether the guy threw with the left hand, the right hand, or by swinging a kangaroo with a ball wedged in its pouch – the Raccoons were playing .400 against anybody.

Game 1
NYC: SS Obando – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Elder – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P Rutkowski
POR: LF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – 2B Marsingill – C James – P Gurney

While usually the question was how in hell Jason Gurney could pitch like that and still have won six games on the season, this time we were left to wonder whether he might actually pull off a decent start. Well, he walked four the first two times through the order, but only allowed a lone single and no damage through four, which was also something that was true for his opponent Rutkowski, who was twirling a casual no-hitter at that point. But Gurney walked Zachary Ryder to begin the top of the fifth, the runner was bunted over by Rutkowski, and Guillermo Obando’s well-placed single allowed Ryder to come home. Obando moved to second on Wallace’s throw, stole third base in play in which Giovanni James once more pleaded no-contest, and then came in on Mario Hurtado’s grounder to Justin Marsingill, putting Portland in a 2-0 hole. Gurney would last six, allowing another leadoff walk to Tony Coca in his final inning, although Matt Dear doubled up Coca to help him through. That was all – merely 105 pitches for six innings of 2-hit ball. Something sounded off there, and it had been with Gurney all the ****ing year long.

Then it came – the Critters’ big chance! James had taken off the no-hitter with a 2-out single in the fifth, nothing came of which, but Pinkerton reached on a throwing error by Obando to begin the bottom 6th, and Tim Stalker was hit in the foot with a pitch. Wallace lined out to Hurtado, Perkins flew out to Chris Reardon, and Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, flew out to Firmino Cambra. Then came the seventh, Victor Anaya was washed forth from the pen, and the comedy shack opened. Zachary Ryder hit a double off Anaya with one out, which wasn’t that bad, but when Mike Rutkowski hit an RBI double through a diving (falling over?) Howden, I had to holler some obscenities. Rutkowski had merely entered the game batting 1-for-****ing-49. He would eventually score on a Hurtado single, 4-0. The Raccoons literally had no answer to that. They went down entirely feeble on three hits, two against Rutkowski in 8.1 innings, and one more against ex-Critter Billy Brotman that Marsingill dropped in. Nothing helped. 4-0 Crusaders. Stalker 1-2;

Ugh, another one of those “could have just as well stayed in bed” losses…!

Game 2
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P C. Marron
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – CF Hooge – C James – P del Rio

In a shocking development, the Coons SCORED A RUN. And it came IN THE FIRST. And they were actually THREE RUNS… and with Nate Hall thrown out at home plate to end the whole thing. Actually, the first two went down with no noise, but Jimmy Wallace doubled into the gap, Perkins dropped an RBI single far from human interference near the leftfield line, and another single by Travis Zitzner and a full-count walk to Hall loaded the bases for when Ed Hooge ticked a liner into the gap in right-center. Two scored, but Hall was thrown out by Reardon. Del Rio set out to blow the lead immediately, walking Dear and Reardon in the top 2nd, but Reardon was caught astray when Zachary Ryder lined out to Zitzner, ending the inning in a 3-U double play. Ignacio remained rather stuff- and toothless, the latter a horrendous accident with a bowl of cookies that a dentist of our choice would fix on Wednesday… the Critters had more chances to score, f.e. with Wallace’s next double his second time up. This one led off the bottom 3rd, Perkins walked, Zitzner hit squarely into a double play, and Hall grounded out to keep Wallace stranded. New York made the board in the fifth with a Cambra single to begin the frame, and then an RBI double by Ryder. Elder led off the sixth with a single to left, but was doubled up by the rather quick Hurtado, who stumbled out of the box, helping del Rio through six with a 3-1 lead on just over 90 pitches. And I sure tried to will the Coons to another insurance run, but – boy! – were they playing like glue. Bottom 6th, Nate Hall hit a leadoff single. Hooge struck out before Hall stole second base, with James eventually walked by Marron to achieve the same effect, just with less thrills. Two on, one out, del Rio couldn’t get the bunt down, then poked away at a 1-2 and grounding out to Hurtado, who looked at the lead-footed James eager for a double play, but then decided against it. Preston Pinkerton instead stranded the runners with a fly to Tony Coca.

Del Rio got through seven somehow, and maybe we could still get an insurance run. Stalker led off the bottom 7th by getting on base, bringing up Jimmy Wallace, who was unretired in this game… and spanked into a double play. Perkins walked, and Zitzner found the gap with two outs, with Matt Nunley’s replacement running like no tomorrow and faster than Nunley could have ever run to score all the way from first base on the double, 4-1! Hennessy and Stone then shared the eighth, in this case meaning Hennessy allowed a single to PH Joe Payne, the only batter he faced, while Stone plated that runner with two groundouts and a 1-2 wild pitch to Hurtado, who ended up whiffing after the fact. Oh, this team! The bottom 8th was uneventful, bringing on Chris Wise for the ninth. Coca was up first, grounded out on the first pitch, and the game ended with K’s to Dear and Cambra. 4-2 Coons! Wallace 3-4, 2 2B; Perkins 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Hooge 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (8-12);

No, Matt, I wasn’t slighting you. You had a few stolen bases, too, didn’t you? Like, eight? In 20 years? – Now tell me more about the newest model of BBQ grill you have here.

Game 3
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P Benavides
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P Chavez

While the Coons did get the leadoff man on in the first and second innings, then hit into double plays twice, Bernie allowed no hits through three innings, only to get *torched* in the fourth. Hurtado doubled, Coca tripled, Dear walked, Cambra grounded out for the second out to get another run in, and there was another walk and another RBI single before the inning finally ended with a 3-0 score and a K to Benavides. When the Coons’ offense finally got going, it required a Hurtado error to put Wilson Rodriguez on base with one out in the fifth. Marsingill hit an infield single, Ross whiffed badly, but Chavez poked a 2-out single over the second base bag for an RBI single – unearned of course. Pinkerton swiftly flew out to Reardon, ending the threat with the tying runs aboard.

In a briskly-paced game, Chavez lasted seven innings on six hits and five strikeouts, and had already received the obligatory pat on the bum when the Coons tumbled into another rally attempt in the bottom 7th. Rodriguez dropped a 1-out single to center, Marsingill singled through a diving Obando, and Ross coaxed a walk that didn’t move his .184 clip, but also kept the blunderbuss in the cupboard. Benavides was still in there, so we sent a pinch-hitter that would come from the right side in Nate Hall, the switch-hitter. He hit the absolute worst floater to shallow right, clearly dropping in, and giving Marsingill at second a heck of a headstart. Reardon took forever to reach the ball, which at some point made a curve into foul territory, and the ****ty bloop single tied the game at three. Pinkerton grounded out, Stalker walked onto the open base in a full count, and that left three on, two outs to Justin Perkins, who hit the next ****ty bloop that also fell in front of Reardon, but this time it was close, and only the go-ahead run, carried by Ross, came across home plate. Benavides was retained to face Wallace, the only lefty bat anywhere in the Coons’ order, but lost him to a walk, then soon lost his spot on the mound, down 5-3. Zitzner flew out to left to end the inning. Hall remained in the game, replacing Wallace for D, with Anaya pitching from the #4 hole in the eighth, and retiring the side in order. Never mind the deep flies knocked by Coca and Dear, both ending with Rodriguez on the warning track. Come the ninth, Wise almost repeated his success from Tuesday, but after a groundout and a strikeout, Ryder put another ball in play to deep left… but not past Hall. 5-3 Critters. Marsingill 2-3; Hooge (PH) 1-1; Hall (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

That was the final home game of the month and the Coons would now hit that old road again for a quick 2-town trip and their last road trip not involving crossing the Mississippi this year.

Raccoons (52-75) @ Thunder (61-65) – August 27-29, 2032

After an off day on Thursday, the Coons were in Oklahoma to meet with the Thunder, with the season series tied at three. This was the team with the most runs scored in the Continental League, so our notoriously horrendous pitching was in acute danger yet again, but they had also given up plenty, fifth-most in the league, and their run differential was only +28, which was still a lot for a sub-.500 team.

Projected matchups:
Dave Martinez (0-1, 3.09 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (9-4, 4.33 ERA)
Travis Coffee (1-7, 6.27 ERA) vs. Chris Cooper (5-3, 2.44 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (8-12, 4.81 ERA) vs. Zach Warner (8-10, 3.04 ERA)

That would be right, left, right, but the Thunder also had Thursday off and could make a change. Next in line was another southpaw, Joe Robinson (4-3, 5.71 ERA), a rookie swingman from North Dakota with 22 appearances and 6 starts this year after a cup of coffee (not: Coffee) in ’31. Two regulars were on the DL in Drew Olszewski and Luis Sagredo, although the second of the two outfielders could come back any day now.

The Coons made a rotation adjustment, moving del Rio ahead of Gurney. Ignacio would start on regular rest, while we had seen enough of Gurney anyway…

Game 1
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – CF Hooge – C James – P Martinez
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Dunlap – 2B Serrato – CF Cutler – 3B T. Fuentes – SS Felicame – P M. Morrison

The horror took mere minutes to start in the bottom 1st. Martinez nailed Danny Cruz, (their) catcher Mike Burgess reached on (our) catcher’s interference, Martinez, the dunce, balked them over into scoring position, and conceded a run on a stupid grounder before Wallace speared Alex Serrato’s fly to end the inning with one run across. And the Thunder were the best offensive team, but the gross incompetence consolidated into Dave Martinez – very obviously deserted by Odilon! – was just too much to take. In the bottom 2nd he walked Tony Fuentes and Antonio Felicame, nailed Lorenzo Celaya, and allowed a 2-out, 2-run single to Cruz, which was actually the first base hit in the game and put the Thunder up 3-0 before Burgess fouled out. Bottom 3rd, Tom Dunlap nailed to get underway, a quick walk to Serrato, and a 2-out walk to Felicame. Morrison grounded out to strand them all, but GOD****INGDAMNIT, MARTINEZ, QUIT YOUR ****!!!

He didn’t. The Thunder had two hits in the fourth, couldn’t knock him out, but started the fifth with a Steve Cutler double to right, an RBI single by Fuentes, and Felicame reached on another walk. Martinez handled Morrison’s bunt, then was put in a sack and airmailed to Cochabamba, Bolivia. David Fernandez inherited a 4-0 game, two in scoring position and one out, struck out Celaya and Cruz, and the inning was over. With that drama over, people realized that the Thunder’s Morrison was actually 2-hitting the Coons through six, which was just blending in so well with their recent offensive heroics… single runs would fall out of Garavito in the seventh and Stone in the eighth, but who was even counting anymore? The Coons only ever got three hits off Morrison, who however ran out of breath before finishing the game. The Critters put them on the corners against Enriquez Guzman in the ninth, a Wallace double and Perkins single, with Tim Colangelo replacing Guzman on grounds of apparent injury. Zitzner hit for Howden against the southpaw and got a run across in the most unhelpful way imaginable, hitting into a 3-6-3 double play. 6-1 Thunder. Perkins 2-4; Hall 2-3, BB;

There was no southpaw in the middle game, with Warner moved up from Sunday, so we also could at most face one left-hander in the series.

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – LF Hall – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – C James – 2B Baldwin – P Coffee
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Dunlap – 2B Serrato – CF Cutler – 3B T. Fuentes – SS Felicame – P Warner

(calls after the service employee) Excuse me, Sir? – Sir! – Sir, there is a dead rodent floating in my coffee. – What do you mean you found that appropriate for me??

Coffee walked Celaya and Cruz in the first, nailed Fuentes in the second, walked Cruz again in the third, and somehow got out of every one of those situations unharmed. Stuff was not involved – he rung up nobody while doling out free bases. The Critters had a pair of hits through three innings, but couldn’t turn that into any runs, either… What was even more bewildering than Portland not scoring was that Oklahoma City was not hitting. It took them 17 plate appearances to get a ball to fall in; Felicame did the honors with a single to right with one out in the bottom 5th, but he wouldn’t get across either. Warner bunted him to second, but Celaya grounded out to Chris Baldwin, and that was the inning.

Top 6th, Coffee led off with a groundout, but hey, even having him bat in the sixth was some sort of success. Then the Coons quickly dished out a string of singles into open spaces, of which there were plenty in Oklahoma. Stalker got on, so did Hall, and Wallace finally got something on the board with an RBI single to right, 1-0. Perkins upped that one, getting a 1-1 hanger and depositing it in the leftfield stands for a 3-run dinger! Coffee didn’t allow anything in the bottom 6th and batted again in the seventh with two outs and nobody on, reaching on an error by the Gold Glover Fuentes. Stalker doubled to center, moving runners into scoring position with Hall turning a full count into a walk, bringing up Jimmy with the bags suddenly stacked. Warner got him where he wanted him, to two strikes, but couldn’t put him away, and Wallace cracked a single to shallow right-center, plating two more runs. “Graveyard” Gill replaced Warner and gave up a single to Perkins, but Hall was sent around third base and thrown out at the plate to end the inning with a 6-0 tally. Coffee, suddenly with cream on top, completed seven despite a 1-out walk to Steve Cutler, getting a double play grounder from his last man, Fuentes, on pitch #106. Fernandez and Bates would complete the game for him, with only the latter allowing another base hit for two base knocks total for the Thunder in this game, and wasn’t that sorta unexpected? 6-0 Raccoons. Stalker 3-5, 2B; Wallace 3-4, 3 RBI; Perkins 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Coffee 7.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 3 K, W (2-7);

Chris Baldwin hit a single in the ninth inning in his 20th at-bat of the season, and the first one that was not either at least one out or a grand slam.

Game 3
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Dunlap – 2B Serrato – CF Cutler – 3B T. Fuentes – SS Felicame – P C. Cooper
POR: 1B Zitzner – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – CF Hall – RF Rodriguez – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P del Rio

Travis Zitzner, batting leadoff because with Berto on the DL everything was sad, opened the game with a jack, which was not something we were used to seeing after two decades of having zilch-power leadoff men, first Cookie, then Ramos. There would be more off Chris Cooper in the second. Wilson Rodriguez opened with a shy single to right before Marsingill and Ross hit back-to-back RBI doubles. Ignacio struck out, but Zitzner found the gap in right-center and hit a ball that took a weird bounce off the base of the wall and seemed to hover in mid-air for minutes before coming down again for Cutler – enough time for the sluggish Zitzner to reach third base for only his second career triple! Stalker walked, Cooper balked, 5-0, and the inning fizzled out after that, but here was to hope that del Rio would take the sizable lead and just run the heck with it, all the way to Vegas, where the Coons would drop in to begin the following week. That would be too easy though… Bottom 2nd, leadoff single by Alex Serrato, a 4-pitch walk to Cutler, RBI single Fuentes, 5-1, and no outs. Felicame hit into a fielder’s choice, putting runners on the corners, at least until he stole second off a dreaming Toby Ross. Cooper grounded out to Perkins, forcing the runners to hold, but Celaya singled to right, and oh boy, that was trouble. Cutler in to score, Felicame coming around, the throw – out at home plate! That one ended the inning before it could become a 5-3 game…! MURDER throw by Wilson Rodriguez!

While del Rio failed to get strike three and was instead nearly singled to death again in the third, the Coons soldiered on. Zitzner markedly hit a single off Marcus Ochoa in the fourth inning, which put him a double shy of the cycle with five innings to spare. His next chance came in the sixth, still against Ochoa, with two outs and del Rio – who had just bunted into a force at second – on first base. Liner to center, and in – but in front of Cutler, and there was no chance for a double, Zitzner had to hold at first base. Del Rio misread the play and hustled for third, but the Thunder had not watched him at all, so he got away with the blunder. Ochoa then gave up a run on Stalker’s RBI single, 6-2, before getting Perkins to ground out. And the Thunder were not out of this one, either – Dunlap and Serrato hit leadoff singles off del Rio, eight hits in total off the right-hander, in the bottom 6th, but were stranded by the lower parts of the order. The hit tally off del Rio would rise to ten, with Cruz and Burgess dropping 2-out singles in the seventh to finally knock him out. Hennessy inherited the runners and .323 batter Tom Dunlap at the plate, threw a wild pitch, then cocked up the runs on a single, 6-4. Yup, that’s him! Our All Star! Serrato struck out. Too little, too late.

The eighth brought Zitzner back to the plate, facing Colangelo with Ross (clean single) and Pinkerton (infield single) on base and nobody out. He landed ANOTHER hit… but again in front of an outfielder, this time Celaya, and was denied the cycle for the time being, but loaded the bags with no outs. Two runs would score – both on nailed hitters. Tim Stalker was drilled in the fat bum, and Nate Hall took one to the thigh, forcing in two runs while using the sticks yielded no success for the Critters, who nevertheless regained their slam-sized lead at 8-4 before Rodriguez whiffed to end the inning. That also meant another chance for Zitzner in the ninth if at least one Critter could get on base ahead of him. It was a “Graveyard” **** in the ninth and while Gill struck out Ed Hooge to begin the inning he then quickly allowed a double to Ross and a single to Pinkerton. Here came Zitzner, 5-for-5 with a homer, a triple, and three singles – but no luck, he grounded back to the mound, the ball bounced once before it hit a diving Gill in the foot, then rolled to a dead stop on the actual mound, Gill scrambling back, Serrato scrambling in, nobody made it in time, and two Coons advanced as Zitzner reached base safely for the sixth time – and on six hits! Ah, well, at least something!! … the bases were also loaded with one out for Stalker, who hit a sac fly, and that was all the actual outcome of the inning. Cruz and Dunlap doubles shook a run out of Anaya in the ninth, but we didn’t have to bother Chris Wise anymore… 9-5 Raccoons. Zitzner 6-6, HR, 3B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5; Ross 3-4, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Pinkerton 2-2;

While Zitzner was 6-6, Perkins was 0-6, but, eh, who’s even counting at this point…

In other news

August 24 – Leadoff man SAL INF/RF Jose Castro (.319, 11 HR, 54 RBI) ends a 16-inning affair with the Pacifics by hitting a 2-run walkoff homer against LAP MR Jorge Villegas jr. (1-2, 2.74 ERA, 2 SV). The final score sees the Wolves win, 6-4.
August 25 – SFW 2B/SS Mario Colon (.305, 14 HR, 64 RBI) could miss the rest of the season with a quad tear.
August 25 – DEN RF Vinny Chavira (.255, 8 HR, 66 RBI) ends a 16-inning marathon against the Stars in a 2-1 Gold Sox win, singling home Tyler Miles against DAL MR Matt Diduch (6-4, 4.50 ERA, 2 SV).
August 25 – The Knights beat the Falcons, 7-3, with each of their runs coming in a different inning. Only the third and fifth are not marked with a 1 in the line score.
August 27 – BOS 1B Justin Uliasz (.290, 25 HR, 98 RBI) goes unretired with four hits, including a grand slam, two walks, and 7 RBI in the Titans’ 15-0 slapdown of the Aces.

Complaints and stuff

With the Travis Zitzner game on Sunday, it’s the fifth time in the last six series that we won the last game of the set. Never mind the 3-9 record in the games preceding these…

September is almost here, but I can’t promise any goodies. We don’t really have anything better than what is toiling around on the roster right now. Darren Brown’s control is too awful for a callup at this point. Manny Fernandez tore up AA, but is only getting brought up to AAA right now and is probably not in the cards at this point, either.

The only thing that might be interesting is Danny Duenas, a switch-hitting second baseman that kinda came out of nowhere after signing for $15k in the July 2026 IFA period. He is 22 years old, average defense, but *really* fast hindpaws. He played at all three minors levels last season, hitting .337/.368/.477 in 22 games in St. Pete at the end of the year, which we chalked off to a small sample size, especially when compared to the .665 OPS he put up in Ham Lake in a much bigger sample size. This year he spent all year in AAA and has been batting .286/.355/.441 with 12 HR and 57 RBI, also 23 SB. At this point he can maybe be considered legit. We’ll have to see. Neither our scout, who has a name Maud has written on a note for me, and that note is somewhere in this office, nor OSA are very keen on Duenas, and he does not have to be put on the 40-man roster until next year to protect him, but maybe we should still give him a look…?

The team ERA which was well into the 5’s a few months ago has come down into the 4.70s now. Granted, that would still be the worst-ever team ERA in a single season for us, but it’s not in the ****ing fives anymore.

Fun Fact: The 6-hit game has become rare; in between Travis Zitzner and the most recent Raccoon to achieve the feat, Terry Kopp in 2025, only one other player did accomplish it.

That would be the damn Elk Danny Tessmann, and for once not even against us. He hit for six hits against the Crusaders in 2029. There have been only two additional 6-hit games in the last TEN years, SFW Justin Quinn in 2023 and CHA Barend Kok in 2024, for five total.

There was a time when the league would total five 6-hit games in consecutive Septembers; that occurred in 1995-1996 with SFW John Hensley, PIT Alfonso Rojas, SAC Jared O’Molony, SAC Martin Horn, and LVA Andres Manuel. Three did so against the Cyclones, and the two Scorpions did so in the same game, a 20-0 blowout.

Meanwhile, Terry Kopp’s 6-hit game remains the most recent edition for a player on the losing end…
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Old 09-20-2019, 05:05 PM   #2975
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Raccoons (54-76) @ Aces (53-77) – August 30-September 1, 2032

At a combined 57 games out, these teams had nothing to hope for but mercy. Although the Aces actually ranked fifth in the South ahead of the atrocious Falcons, they had lost six straight with their combo of bah hitting and meh pitching; they ranked in the bottom four in both categories. The Raccoons, despite their own pitfalls and ineptitude, were 4-2 against them this season.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (6-10, 5.97 ERA) vs. Steve Carr (1-8, 3.81 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-4, 3.74 ERA) vs. Ronnie Buskirk (0-3, 9.60 ERA)
Dave Martinez (0-2, 4.50 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (9-5, 4.23 ERA)

All of these were right-handers, with Buskirk a 26-year-old rookie and injury replacement who for a special move had walking a pair and giving up a 3-run dinger right afterwards. Carr had also started the season in AAA, and contrary to what we would always assume, his lone win had not come against the Coons. In fact, he had not faced us this season. The W had resulted from eight shutout innings against the Loggers, but then again our offense was terrible times three, so I wouldn’t put it beneath them to lose to a 1-8 pitcher, especially with Gurney going.

Game 1
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 1B Perkins – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – LF Hall – C Ross – P Gurney
LVA: CF Beckel – 3B Armfield – LF Montes – SS Baer – RF Crow – 1B Schlegelmilch – C R. Ortiz – 2B G. Reece – P Carr

…and I really didn’t like being right anymore; after two outs, Andy Montes hit a homer to right in a full count, to which Gurney’s reasoned reaction was to allow a single up the middle to Todd Baer, who stole second, and then strolled home on Andy Crow’s massive shot to right, 3-0. It was Crow’s ninth homer in over 700 career at-bats. While the Critters had two walks (Howden, Hooge) in the second as well as an inning-ending double play (Hall), Gurney continued to find trouble that resolved in weird ways and always seemed to involve Chad Armfield. The third baseman walked in the bottom of the third, but got picked off by Toby Ross on a 2-2 pitch to Montes. The next time Armfield was up, Danny Beckel was on first base with one out in the fifth after just having hit a single. The next hit was the batted ball into Beckel’s ankle, which rendered him out and also slightly hurt, although he continued in the game. Montes flew out easily to Nate Hall to end the fifth, still in a 3-0 score, with the Critters’ line on the scoreboard showing zeroes *all* the way across… Ross grounded out and both Gurney and Pinkerton fanned in the sixth, Stalker opened the seventh with a deep fly out to right, and then Wallace was walked. Perkins grounded out to Armfield, and Howden grounded out to Gavin Reece, who drew a 1-out walk in the bottom 7th, but was stranded on second after the pitcher’s bunt when Beckel struck out, only the second K victim for Gurney, who now generated value merely by saving the bullpen an unnecessary inning or two.

Carr’s no-hitter was broken up by Ed Hooge to begin the eighth with a deep fly to center that Beckel couldn’t get to. The ball fell for a double, and Carr was gone after just one more batter, a sharp groundout by Hall to Ted Schlegelmilch. Righty Nick Wright replaced the starter and gave up an RBI single to Toby Ross. Zitzner hit for Gurney, but flew out, but Wright then walked the bags full against Pinkerton and Stalker. Southpaw Nick Van Fossen appeared to face Jimmy Wallace, which was a sound move, especially with the Coons’ only other meaningful righty bat, Wilson Rodriguez, in a terminal slump that had lasted for most of the summer now. Wallace remained in the game with three on and two outs… and popped out on the first pitch. Those three left on base were the final runners of the game. 3-1 Aces.

(makes an especially bitter face)

Game 2
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – C James – CF Hooge – RF Rodriguez – P Chavez
LVA: 2B Sibley – RF Montes – 1B Jon Gonzalez – LF Orozco – 3B Armfield – C Motley – CF Crow – SS Baer – P Buskirk

Pinkerton opened the game with a walk and stole two bases on the way to coming across home plate on a Perkins groundout for something new – a first-inning run for Portland. Bernie Chavez also walked the first batter he got to face, Ross Sibley, and became him even less than Buskirk, with the first actual hit of the ballgame being a 2-run score-flipping bomb that brushed the left foul pole off Jon Gonzalez’ bat. It was the 10th bomb of the season for the ex-Coon, and his 50th RBI while batting .312… It also made him the seventh player between those two lineups with double-digit dingers, though perversely none of those seven had more than 12 homers (Josh Motley). Gonzalez continued to take it out on his former team with the help of Sibley, whom we doubled in with two outs in the bottom 3rd to run the score to 3-1.

…and the Coons did NOTHING against Buskirk. Through five innings, they had three base hits, all soft singles, two by Pinkerton and one by Giovanni James, and when Preston Pinkerton going unretired is the highlight of your game… Chavez only lasted into the bottom 5th before leaving the game with an injury, which was the absolute LAST thing I wanted to see anymore. (looks at scissors) Marvelous – I could poke out both my eyes at once and never have to see **** like that again. (opens scissors) Squeeee…! – Meanwhile the Sibley-Gonzalez love train kept rolling against David Fernandez, who as Chavez’ replacement allowed a single to Sibley right away, and after removal of Montes gave up a booming blast to Gonzalez, well outta here, to drop the Critters to 5-1. The first non-Gonzalez RBI for Vegas came in the same inning, courtesy of Fernandez not retiring another batter as he nailed Ruben Orozco and allowed singles to Armfield and Motley, the latter plating Orozco, 6-1. Anaya replaced him and got a foul pop from Andy Crow to end the ****-be-damned inning.

The Critters looked rightly beat, but would get a leadoff jack in the seventh off Ed Hooge’s bat, the second homer of his career (and wasn’t it about time?). Buskirk continued to yield hits, allowing singles to Rodriguez and Zitzner (inserted in a double switch), while Pinkerton lined out loudly to centerfielder Andy Crow. Here came the relief – right-hander J.J. Ringland resolved the situation with three pitches to Tim Stalker, who hit into a 6-4-3 double play, short-circuiting the cute attempt at a rally. Wallace opened the eighth with a single, was doubled up by Perkins, and Nate Hall’s pinch-hit homer still left them three short. That became six in the bottom 8th, in which the Aces made two outs before they put five straight men on base, including a pair of pinch-hitters being hit on consecutive pitches by different relievers – Bates and Hennessy doing the honors to Schlegelmilch and Ricky Ortiz. The first one loaded the bases, the second one pushed the first run across. Montes singled in two more, all going on Bates’ ledger. The Critters would load the bases in the ninth inning against Nick Wright only to bring up Wallace with two outs, and for the second time in the series Jimmy Wallace used a three on, two out spot to pop out to a middle infielder… 9-3 Aces. Pinkerton 3-4, BB, 2B; Wallace 2-4, BB; Hall (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI; Zitzner 1-1, BB;

And yes, this was the first career win for Ronnie Buskirk, and no, I was not surprised. How would anything like THIS still surprise me now…??

First of all though, September was here and with that the annual roster enlargement, which gave us the great opportunity to add more faces I couldn’t stand. But before we go there, the Druid came back with news that Bernie only had a mild abdominal strain and would be ready for his next start.

We then called up the “usual” compliment of players to begin September when not vying for anything, two relievers and two position players. The pitchers were lefty Steve Russell, the one-and-done waiver claim who had pitched two thirds of an inning for six earned runs in his only Coons appearance so far, and Nick Derks, one of the Brotherhood of Right-Handed Scrubs.

Elliott Thompson (.180) was brought back as third catcher (but would probably get a good chunk of the playing time again), plus 2005 Ugliest Baby Boy Sam Cass, who had the benefit of already being on the 40-man roster.

Game 3
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – C James – CF Hooge – LF Hall – P Martinez
LVA: CF C. Flores – LF Montes – 1B Jon Gonzalez – 3B Armfield – C Motley – 2B Sibley – SS G. Reece – RF Orozco – P Klages

Tim Stalker put the Coons up 1-0 in the first with a shot to left, and after Dave Martinez blew that on Reece and Orozco singles in the second, drove in Martinez himself with a groundout in the top 3rd to put Portland ahead again. That latter play came with one out and runners in scoring position after a Martinez single and a Pinkerton double to center, but Pinkerton was left on when Wallace flew out to left. Too bad the Jon Gonzalez rampage continued even with Sibley in a position where it was impossible for him to drive him home in this game – Jon knotted the score with a 2-out solo jack on an 0-2 pitch in the bottom 3rd, and how could you be mad at him when he slugged the Raccoons to a title six years ago? Be mad at the ****ing dunce offering the ****ing meatballs…! BOO, Martinez!! BOOOO!!!

There was some serious consideration of whether the Coons should hit for Martinez in the fourth with three on and two outs – James single, Hooge on with an Armfield throwing error, and a free pass to Hall – but then again, who should actually get a run in amongst our bench dwellers? Howden, the dumb pig? (laughs) … (continues to laugh) … (slowly, tears start to mix in) … Martinez flew out to left, and that was that, then fell behind 4-2 by the magic of an Orozco homer in the bottom of the inning. That was Orozco’s 12th of the season, matching Motley and Gonzalez for the team lead, with the Coons enviously watching on. It wasn’t the end of the story yet, though. Klages would load the bases in the sixth with Zitzner, Hooge, and Hall (on a 1-out intentional walk), and this time Martinez got yanked… for Jarod Howden… who struck out. You dumb pig!! Klages’ next pitch however was cracked into the rightfield corner by Preston Pinkerton, resulting in a score-flipping, bases-clearing triple, so there was that… Stalker struck out, keeping it at 5-4, a lead that was almost immediately blown by the bullpen. Nick Derks walked the only batter he faced, Armfield, before Hennessy came on and allowed a double to Sibley and a 2-run single to Reece that turned out to be the nail that got hammered in for the sweep. The Raccoons could not get a paw on base again, and instead lost Ed Hooge to injury on a defensive play in the eighth. 6-5 Aces. Pinkerton 3-5, 3B, 2B, 3 RBI; Hall 0-1, 3 BB;

Despite the sweep of the bitterly pathetic Coons, the Aces were eliminated on Wednesday via a Condors win, the third team after the Scorpions and Falcons (both well on the way to maybe 110 losses) to have their lifeline cut this year.

The Druid says Hooge has a torn thumb ligament and will miss most of the month. So he was off to the DL and the Raccoons had to dig into the quagmire of desperation between their AAA outfielders. We resisted the urge to call up Manny Fernandez. Instead the nod went to blandly flavored Sean Catella again… he was a career .219 hitter in the majors.

Raccoons (54-79) vs. Indians (73-59) – September 3-5, 2032

No good things were expected to happen in this series, although the Indians only held a narrow 6-5 lead in the season series. But the Raccoons were dropping like a raccoon tossed off a cliff edge, and the Indians were a fairly decent team, although eight games out of the Titans and largely beaten. They really needed to sweep this set if they wanted to keep their pretend-chance. They were fifth in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed – also not a combo that cried out playoffs.

Projected matchups:
Travis Coffee (2-7, 5.52 ERA) vs. David Saccoccio (10-10, 4.12 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-12, 4.84 ERA) vs. John McInerney (11-9, 4.40 ERA)
Jason Gurney (6-11, 5.87 ERA) vs. Sal Bedoya (11-7, 3.55 ERA)

Their win totals dizzy me. McInerney would be their only left-handed starter on off- What is it, Maud? Nick Valdes just parked his carriage drawn by eight white horses in the parking lot?

Where can I go hide??

Game 1
IND: 1B Conner – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – LF Acor – C Kuhlmann – SS DiGiacomo – 3B de Luna – P Saccoccio
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – LF Hall – 3B Marsingill – C Thompson – 2B Cass – P Coffee

The first few innings were not exactly material for an instructional video on hitting. Both teams landed only one base hit, despite some sound contact off Coffee, but that was more high than far and most of those balls were easily caught. It helped that the Arrowheads weren’t exactly patient, either. Dan Schneller ran a 3-0 count to begin the fourth, but poked and grounded out to Tim Stalker. Coffee went on to plunk Plunkett, which was not a word play that would get old any time soon, but by now Nick Valdes had been carried up the stairs by his loyal servants and appeared in my office, already plenty grumpy. He insisted that the Raccoons needed to start winning soon, else the fans would be unhappy! I looked out onto the stands that were visible from my office, then back at him and asked kindly to explain which fans he meant, because I sure saw none.

Mike Plunkett was stranded to end the fourth, and while Joe DiGiacomo hit a single off Coffee in the fifth, he got doubled off. Instead, the Raccoons took a 1-0 lead on an unlikely yet welcome homer by Elliott Thompson in the bottom 5th. Remarkably Coffee held up through six, a leadoff single to Dustin Acor in the seventh, too, when Morgan Kuhlmann hit into a double play, and then even overcame a DiGiacomo double and a walk to PH Brad Gore when the Indians mindbogglingly did NOT hit for Saccoccio. Well, arrows in the brain – it’s not good for judgment! Coffee K’ed Saccoccio to end the inning and his day on account of 107 pitches and a close 1-0 game. Stone walked Josh Conner to begin the eighth but retired the next three, and then in the bottom 8th the Coons had three on and no outs against Saccoccio, who allowed a leadoff walk to Thompson, then pinch-hit singles to Perkins and Zitzner. What a chance for a knockout blow! Remarkably, the Indians would stick to Saccoccio until four runs had scored in the inning; he walked Pinkerton to force one in, and Stalker hit an RBI single. After a K to Wallace, Howden hit a sac fly, and Hall landed an RBI single. Only then was Saccoccio sacked, and Marsingill lined out to Schneller against ex-Coon Dan McLin. Bates and Fernandez dealt with the ninth inning, putting this one in the win column. 5-0 Raccoons. Stalker 2-4, RBI; Thompson 1-2, BB, HR, RBI; Perkins (PH) 1-1; Zitzner (PH) 1-1; Coffee 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (3-7);

Congratulations from Nick Valdes were profuse after the game, and then he asked me to make sure that we’d win another one like that tomorrow, because he had sponsors and business partners in and he required that they be entertained with some good whooping of the Indians.

Sure, I shrugged. I’ll tell them not to suck for another day. They’re such good listeners.

Does he know *anything* about baseball?? But there was no explaining anything to Valdes, who was already on the phone, answering it with “Yes, Mr. President?”, before wiggling his head from side to side twice and nodding while correcting himself, “Okay – Yes, Biebs!” …

Game 2
IND: SS Eisenberg – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – LF Acor – C Kuhlmann – 1B Conner – 3B de Luna – P McInerney
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 3B Perkins – RF Rodriguez – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P del Rio

Little was I prepared, nor informed, that Nick Valdes not only hosted guests, but also intended to parade them into my office, which was normally off limits. Well, except to all the people constantly coming in and drinking my booze away. So when in the third inning of a scoreless game – although del Rio had certainly begged for it with three walks in the first inning – the door flung open and Valdes poked his head in, he caught me fraternizing with Slappy on the brown couch as both of us had just unscrewed an Oreo cookie and were licking the white part off one of the covers, with the other half soaking in a glass of booze. Valdes was irritated but was soon shoved to the side by the guest, loudly demanding entry. Valdes was knocked away from the door by a shiny black walking cane with what looked like a solid gold tip at the bottom that was held in a pretty lardy and hairy hand by its eagle head-shaped ebony grip. “To the side!”, the visitor demanded, before squeezing through the door. A female voice that I vaguely recognized as Toots DeVilane’s asked whether the servant should butter the door frame, but the widely-spaced visitor loudly cried bollocks just as his girth became unlodged from the frame. There he stood in the middle of my office, bending down, huffing and puffing, on that walking cane while Toots took the long way around the bald, moustached old man and tugged his gray designer suit with tails back into shape and reached down for his dangling monocle and wedged it back between his nose and right eyebrow. – This had to be him: Roger Hotchkiss “Bud” DeVilane II.

The huffing and puffing continued for a bit while Slappy and me didn’t really know what to do and just kept ourselves busy with the cookies. Toots advised her father to sit down on the couch, but he refused, claiming he would never get back up, and he could not use the chair I offered, since it had armrests and would hardly fit one of his pig-sized thighs. Toots hollered in Spanish to somebody still in Maud’s room outside that they needed the chair, leading to two Latin servants in white suits, hats, and gloves, to noisily maneuver a *huge* chair – probably made specifically for the customer – that would comfortably fit both me and Slappy through the door, hitting either frame multiple times while doing so before “Bud” could drop down on his chair a full inning later. The resulting shockwaves upset the ballpark in general and Mike Plunkett in particular so badly that Plunkett misrouted his way to a Marsingill fly in the bottom 4th that fell for a 2-out RBI double, plating Rodriguez with the first run of the game. It remained the only one while DeVilane kept exhaling large quantities of foul-smelling air and finally asked Toots for his notes, which she then produced from a pocket on the front of his tent-sized shirt. He then began by explaining how that guy other there - Valdes - kept pestering him for sponsorship and that he was indeed willing to start advertising his toxic waste dump in Des Moines on the outfield walls starting in 2033. But he had this weird habit of talking to people himself before signing contracts with them, and by the way, did we have more of those cookies? I sent for Maud and another pack of cookies, which when they arrived via one of the DeVilane’s white-dressed servants were given by Toots to Valdes while she asked him whether he minded. Of course not, Valdes insisted, opened the pack, unscrewed the first cookie and then – to mine and Slappy’s great horror – dragged it repeatedly with the creamy side over “Bud”’s tongue that he let loosely hang from his XXL-sized mouth. I felt my stomach getting upset, but that was enough for Slappy – he bailed along with his mop and bucket standing in the corner in pretend fashion, decorated with some cobwebs.

On the field, del Rio pitched seven scoreless in brisk fashion while expending 105 pitches for all those damn walks. Toby Ross’ homer in the sixth had made it 2-0 Coons, but I felt like in a 13-0 rout with Pinkerton pitching while watching the spectacle between Valdes and DeVilane, who before long complained of sore feet, which led to two of the servants removing his shoes and socks to massage said fat feet. When Toots remarked that his toe nails needed clipping, both of the servants immediately produced a nail clipper from one of their pockets and started to clip away. Oh, the horrors! The horrors! And that while the Coons had the bags full in the bottom 7th against Tim Thweatt, who had walked Pinkerton, intentionally walked Wallace, and had allowed a single to Zitzner and was now facing Perkins with three on and one out. Perkins popped out. Howden hit for Rodriguez – and flew out to Dustin Acor. We needed to score more runs to win more, “Bud” complained, so that more people would watch the games. Wasn’t it great to always be explained things you already knew…?

With his stomach and feet competently serviced – I was surprised Valdes hadn’t accidentally choked him with a whole cookie – “Bud” remarked how he appreciated a well-pitched game, and, leaning forward to me while supported by his cane, confided to me that he had been a fairly good pitcher in high school himself. But in college he had realized that while there was much money to be made in baseball, much more money was to be made by exploiting nature and people for the ruthless pursuit of profit and thus had gotten into the sludge dump management business. I nodded in dumbfounded amazement while Preston Pinkerton doubled home Sam Cass, pinch-runner for Giovanni James, pinch-hitter for Justin Marsingill, in the bottom of the eighth. With a team so well managed, “Bud” declared, we would indeed love to do business, and he asked Toots to give me the contract while Chris Wise was coming in for the ninth inning. Josh Conner hit a 2-out single – that was all. The Coons had a win, and a new sponsor, too! 3-0 Critters. Pinkerton 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; James (PH) 0-0, BB; Ross 1-1, 2 BB, HR, RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 3 K, W (10-12);

After I signed the deal and the servants – six of them! – almost broke their backs and my door frame carrying “Bud” back out of here in his chair, Valdes shook my hand with energy and thanked me for my silver tongue with the players, who as we all knew weren’t worth a dime he was paying them.

What a day.

On the way home, I strolled past one of the rooms on the ground floor, behind the door of which the noises of a TV could be heard. I knocked and told Slappy he could stop to pretend to be cleaning things now. Everybody had gone home.

Game 3
IND: 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – LF Acor – C Kuhlmann – SS Eisenberg – 3B de Luna – 1B Conner – P Bedoya
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C James – 3B Marsingill – 2B Baldwin – P Gurney

The dredge was back with Gurney on the mound, who allowed singles to Plunkett and Baron in the first, then followed that splendid work with a supercharged homer hit by Dustin Acor outta leftfield. The Raccoons got Pinkerton and Stalker on base with singles to begin the bottom 1st, with the runner advancing on Wallace’s groundout. Howden hit an RBI single, with Stalker sent from second, but not only thrown out by Mike Plunkett, but also hurt with a knock on the shin. He had to leave the game, to be replaced by Sean Catella. Next guy to leave would be Gurney, who lasted 3.2 innings and was shelled for a run on three hits in the second, then a 2-run homer by Plunkett in the fourth, and continued to basically be unbearable.

While Gurney had ruined one side of the box score, the other half was ruined by Stalker’s replacement Catella in the bottom 5th, just after the Coons had put PH Sam Cass and Pinkerton on base with nobody out. Catella hit into a double play, Wallace had an RBI single, but the inning fizzled out after that with the Critters still down by a slam, 6-2. Actually, make that six. Derks came on for the sixth inning, walked Dan Schneller, then gave up ANOTHER 2-piece to Plunkett, who reached 25 on the season with that particular misshapen baseball. Derks hung around til the eighth, where he put the first two batters on base, which would be de Luna and Conner. Victor Anaya did little, if anything, to stop the beating and conceded the runs on a walk and a base hit. So the Indians made up all the runs they didn’t get the last two days, and the Raccoons saw some of that despicable pitching they had seen way too much of already this season… 10-2 Indians. Wallace 2-4, RBI; Howden 2-3, BB, RBI;

In other news

August 30 – The Warriors’ 14-inning, 8-7 win over the Blue Sox sees the mother of all walkoff wins, with NAS MR Kevin Stice (1-3, 5.47 ERA) walking, in succession, Nick Rozenboom, Justin McAllester, Mike Chaplin, and Rich Hereford to get the winning run on, around, and across.
September 1 – OCT C Mike Burgess (.301, 16 HR, 57 RBI) ends the Thunder’s game against the Indians with a walkoff grand slam off IND SP/MR Lance Legleiter (10-11, 4.32 ERA, 1 SV), giving Oklahoma a 10-6 victory.
September 2 – VAN SP Steve Corcoran (13-10, 4.46 ERA) is out for the season with a herniated disc.
September 2 – WAS C Nate Evans (.317, 5 HR, 56 RBI) goes 5-for-5 with 5 RBI in the Capitals’ 10-1 rout of the Cyclones.
September 3 – The Bayhawks unpack 15 runs and 24 hits in a 15-2 knocking of the Knights. SFB LF/RF/1B Doug Levis (.625, 1 HR, 5 RBI), in his second career game, lands four hits and drives in five runs.

Complaints and stuff

Despite the shutout win on Saturday, the Coons were nevertheless eliminated on the same day thanks to a Titans win over the damn Elks by the same 3-0 score. Oh, and we’ll be in Boston on Tuesday. That’s gonna be fun.

Tim Stalker is iffy with a shin bruise. We have Monday off, but I don’t think that will be enough to get him back into on-field condition. He is listed as day-to-day for the time being. Berto should also rejoin the team soon; he will travel to Boston with the rest of the bunch.

There’s no dignity left after the sweep against the Aces this week, which led to us dropping the season series and ending the last streak of any sort we had of taking the season series against a particular opponent, in Vegas’ case that having been six years.

Manny Fernandez has batted .115 with two homers in his first week in AAA. I will reserve judgment for when he no longer has a BABIP of .067 with the Alley Cats.

Minor league seasons will end about ten days from now. The Panthers still have a chance to make the AA playoffs, currently 3 1/2 behind Waterville. The Sky Sox are the Bayhawks’ affiliate.

Fun Fact: If Jason Gurney manages to pitch another five innings without being beaten to death, he will be the worst qualifying starting pitcher by ERA the Raccoons have ever had.

The list goes… in fact, here are ALL the qualifying starting pitchers in franchise history with an ERA of 4.50 or worse:

1st – 2015 Bill Conway – 5.15
2nd – 1979 Jerry Morris – 5.04
3rd – 1997 Scott Wade – 4.98
4th – 2000 Miguel Lopez – 4.89
5th – 2002 Randy Farley – 4.88
t-6th – 2007 Raul Fuentes – 4.78
t-6th – 2000 Scott Wade – 4.78
8th – 2000 Ralph Ford – 4.77
9th – 2001 Randy Farley – 4.74
10th – 1981 Gary Simmons – 4.60
11th – 2004 Randy Farley – 4.58
12th – 2005 Felipe Garcia – 4.57
13th – 1994 Jason Turner – 4.54
14th – 1988 Alejandro Venegas – 4.52

There was only one guy in the last 30 years, and he was the worst ever, but Jason Gurney would *shatter* the record. Heck, even del Rio, the only other qualifying starter for us this year, will make the list.
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Old 09-21-2019, 07:01 PM   #2976
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Raccoons (56-80) @ Titans (85-52) – September 7-9, 2032

There were a finite number of ways how this series could go, and almost all of them had be crawling into the bus on all fours, crying, on Thursday evening. The Titans had the second-most runs, the fewest runs conceded, and were just stomping over everybody at this point. They were 8-4 on the Coons this season, and looking to build on that lead…

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (3-5, 3.87 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (13-9, 3.28 ERA)
Dave Martinez (0-2, 5.14 ERA) vs. Alex Contreras (8-6, 3.69 ERA)
Travis Coffee (3-7, 4.93 ERA) vs. Jordan Caldwell (10-14, 3.00 ERA)

Those were their three right-handers – and please spend a thought for Caldwell there – while we’d most likely miss their two southpaws, Dustin Wingo (15-7, 3.16 ERA) and Mario Gonzalez (13-8, 2.78 ERA).

Berto Ramos was activated from the DL for this series, but Tim Stalker remained day-to-day and we had to make do without him for another day or two.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – LF Hall – 3B Perkins – 2B Marsingill – C Thompson – P Chavez
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – RF M. Walker – SS Spataro – 3B E. Gonzalez – 2B T. Johnson – C R. Avila – P Potter

The Coons moved right into the trailing position when Bernie Chavez walked Willie Vega in the bottom 1st, allowed an RBI double to Mark Walker, and then an RBI single to Keith Spataro. While the Titans lost Walker to a hammy thing and replaced him with call-up Josh Sykes, what I would like to claim was a moral victory of sorts, another run flew onto the board in the third, courtesy of a Vega double and Justin Uliasz’ single for his 105th RBI of the year, dropping in front of Pinkerton. In the fourth, the first five batters all reached base against Chavez… He walked Eddie Gonzalez and Todd Johnson, Roberto Avila singled, and with the bases loaded, there he glitched for another walk to Adam Potter, that one forcing home the fourth run of the game. Moises Avila hit a bloop RBI single, 5-0, and with the pen stirring, Chavez rung up Vega and Uliasz, then faced the Walker replacement Sykes again, ran a full count, but prevailed with a swinging strike three. That would have been more impressive if it hadn’t come AFTER the bases-loaded walk to the ****ing opposing pitcher. And no, the Raccoons had done absolutely nothing to this point, and it wouldn’t get much better. They had three base hits through five innings, and none of them went for more than a single. Berto had a leadoff single in the first, and was quickly forced out by Wallace. Hall had a leadoff single in the fifth, and was doubled off by Perkins. The next Coons highlight would be in the bottom 6th, where Nick Derks … let’s call it “neutralized” the Titans’ catcher Roberto Avila by hitting him in the paw. Mike Pizzo, ex-Coon batting .126 replaced Avila, who had pain in one or more fingers. And Derks also hit him at 0-2 and to begin the inning… the run would score; Pizzo was moved around on two outs, and Vega then singled off David Fernandez to get him across, 6-0. Top 7th, Jimmy Wallace with a walkoff single – and then picked off for the first out… I moaned loudly in a group of other dignitaries in the fancy bar the Titans entertained the brass in. I got weird looks, which was likely not going to change for the rest of this series. What didn’t change for the rest of this game at least was the Coons being totally vexed by Potter, who put five leadoff batters on base across nine innings, and yet none of them would score. Nor would any other Furball… 6-0 Titans. Wallace 2-4; Hall 2-3;

Potter had a 6-hit shutout, whiffing only two, but sometimes poking in vain for an entire evening just gives the opposing defense reps…

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – LF Wallace – 1B Howden – 3B Perkins – C Thompson – RF Rodriguez – 2B Cass – P Martinez
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – SS Spataro – RF Stanley – 3B T. Johnson – 2B Moss – C R. Avila – P Contreras

Ramos led off with a single, advanced on a wild pitch and a groundout, and then scored on another roller to Kevin Moss that came off Wallace’s bat, giving the Coons A LEAD. And even more unfathomable – Dave Martinez defended that the first time through, despite a Moises Avila single to begin the first and a pitch that nailed Moss to begin the third. Both runners were doubled off on grounders to Berto. And Martinez remained on minimum course for the time being, despite an infield single by Avila to begin the fourth. Vega struck out, Avila was caught stealing by Thompson, and Uliasz struck out, too. The Coons failed to exploit their early lead, being their usual hapless self. This included Pinkerton hitting into an inning-ending double play with 2005 Ugliest Baby Boy Sam Cass and Berto on the corners in the third, and Wilson Rodriguez becoming the second Coons rightfielder to be picked off first base in this series following him forcing out Thompson on a grounder in the top 5th.

The minimum thing went to die after Keith Spataro doubled up the line to begin the bottom 5th, but Martinez wonderously stayed alive after Michael Stanley flew out deep to center and Berto shagged not one, but two scorched liners right at him. Catcher’s interference would put Pinkerton on base in the sixth; he stole second, then scored on Wallace’s single to right, making it 2-0. The seventh saw a four-pitch walk to Wilson Rodriguez to begin the inning. Now, someone missed a sign there because Wilson went on to steal second, but Sam Cass ripped away at the pitch… but it wen’t well, with Cass finding the gap for a double, and Rodriguez scored thanks to the early start. Martinez grounded out, moving Cass to third, and Berto was walked intentionally, setting up the situation from the third inning again for Pinkerton, but this time Preston came through, singling up the middle to score a run and to knock out Contreras from the 4-0 game. Left-hander Wyatt Hamill replaced him, but conceded a run on a sac fly after getting Wallace to two strikes. Zitzner hit for Howden, but struck out anyway. That still meant a 5-0 lead at the stretch; Martinez encountered an Uliasz double and walked Stanley in the bottom 7th, but squeezed through the bottom of the order with the pen one runner away from an intervention. He did however reach 100 pitches while fanning Moss to end the seventh, so got his pat on the bum and that was that. Anaya did the bottom 8th, walking PH Edgar Gonzalez but getting a double play from Moises Avila. Garavito came on for the ninth, got Vega, but then allowed a double to Uliasz and a BLAST to Keith Spataro before walking Stanley. This was now the job of Chris Wise, who was angry that he had to put down his sandwich and got a textbook grounder from Todd Johnson right into the paws of Ramos; to second, to first, double play, end of story. 5-2 Coons! Ramos 2-4, BB; Howden 1-2, BB; Cass 3-4, 2B, RBI; Catella (PH) 1-1, 2B; Martinez 7.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 6 K, W (1-2);

Win!! We won one!

Can we… can we win two? I’m greedy that way…!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – C James – LF Hall – P Coffee
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – C Lessman – SS Spataro – 2B R. West – RF Jamieson – 3B Moss – P Caldwell

From the category “too good to be true”, Tim Stalker belched a 3-run homer in his first game back, and right in the first inning. A Pinkerton walk and a Howden single had set up the 2-out opportunity. What was more, Nate Hall got on in the second, stole a base, then was singled in by Coffee’s bouncer over the bag. Ramos hit a double, Pinkerton landed a run-scoring groundout, and it was 5-0 again before Wallace ended the inning with Ramos on third, flying out to leftfield. And then came the bottom 2nd… Coffee nailed David Lessman, Spataro singled, Rhett West doubled, and here it was running all though our claws again… Matt Jamieson poked his former team with a 2-run double, 5-3, and it was about time to give marching orders to the bullpen, but unexpectedly Coffee rung up both Moss and Caldwell, and Avila flew out to Wallace, ending the unpleasant inning. In the third, Portland loaded the bases with Howden, Stalker, and Hall, but couldn’t score – Coffee struck out to end the inning, then ran a 3-0 count on Willie Vega to begin the bottom 3rrd. Vega poked and grounded out and the Titans stayed off the bags in the frame.

The next run came in the fifth. Stalker was nailed by Jesse Erickson, moved up on Perkins’ grounder, then scored on Giovanni James’ 2-out single, making this a 6-3 game while we hoped to nurse Coffee through five at least. The Titans had runners on the corners with two outs in the bottom 5th after Coffee nailed Avila and allowed a single to Vega, but Uliasz flew out to Pinkerton to throw the chance away. The Coons continued to tack on; Ramos and Pinkerton opened the sixth with singles. Wallace hit a sac fly, and Stalker and Perkins hit more singles to get a second run in the inning across, as well as the seventh and eighth on the day for Portland. Coffee, however, got no more outs. He walked Lessman to begin the bottom 6th, then gave up an RBI double to Spataro and was yanked. Anaya got out of the inning, but Garavito has socked for three hits and a run in the bottom 7th before Stone replaced him and critically fanned Spataro with an 8-5 score, two on, and for the third out. And that was the crucial at-bat in the game – Stone did the eighth in order, and handed the lead off to Chris Wise, who walked Vega with two outs in the bottom 9th, but Uliasz grounded out, and the Coons had really and actually napped the series in Boston… 8-5 Raccoons! Ramos 2-5, 2B; Howden 2-5; Stalker 2-3, BB, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; Hall 2-5;

A most unexpected result!

…after which I had to fly home, while the team wouldn’t quite get to a cozy place…

Raccoons (58-81) @ Canadiens (66-75) – September 10-12, 2032

Although I could really smell them at home on my couch, hugging Honeypaws tightly… seventh in runs scored, third from the bottom in runs allowed. These two teams just didn’t know how to pitch, at all. This was apparent in the head-to-head games, too, with 10.3 runs per game, a good bit above the Continental League average of 8.7 runs per game. The Coons were one win away from claiming the season series, though, which they led 9-6 so far.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (10-12, 4.63 ERA) vs. Jeremy Truett (9-12, 5.44 ERA)
Jason Gurney (6-12, 6.08 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (4-11, 4.31 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-6, 4.16 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (15-9, 4.12 ERA)

We might dance around a team’s pair of southpaws for the second consecutive series here. The damn Elks, who had been idle on Thursday, could skip Logan Bessey (6-7, 4.39 ERA) or resurrected Chris Sinkhorn (2-4, 4.04 ERA) into the series, though.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Hall – C Thompson – P del Rio
VAN: 2B LeJeune – SS Bennett – CF Wojnarowski – RF I. Vega – 1B D. Fisher – 3B Anton – LF Tessmann – C F. Garcia – P Truett

This game started off so well… for the damn Elks. I was screaming in horror, much to Honeypaws’ dismay, right in the bottom 1st, where del Rio had the first three batters at two strikes, and all of them hit singles, with the resentworthy Brian Wojnarowski already singling home Jesse LeJeune for the first run of the game. Ivan Vega singled to load them up, also on two strikes, and David Fisher hit a liner to center. Pinkerton had that one – yay, an out! – then threw out T.J. Bennett trying to score on the play. Matt Anton grounded to short, Ramos farted on the ball, and the second run scored on the error. Danny Tessmann flew out to center to end the goddamn inning, with two runs – one earned – across. Perkins doubled and scored on Hall’s single, all with two outs in the top 2nd, but the Coons’ pitcher tried to go home early for sure… he walked Fernando Garcia to start the bottom 2nd, then at 0-2 allowed a single to Truett, which was just outrageous. In fact, I was raging with my tail on fire at home, leading to Honeypaws to seek cover.

The Elks got a third run in the bottom 3rd; Ivan Vega hit a gapper for a leadoff triple, then scored on Fisher’s sac fly, but then again I had never expected del Rio to hold a guy on third base with nobody out… Ignacio del Rio was then taken off the hook by the unlikeliest candidate … not even Howden, but Elliott Thompson, still batting far under .200 but finding Zitzner and Stalker on second and first, respectively, with two down in the top 4th. Elliott raked a ball to right, well past Ivan Vega, for a game-tying 2-run double, before del Rio fanned to leave him on base, and he always continued his shtick of getting people to two strikes and then having them somehow reach base. LeJeune hit a 2-strike single in the bottom 4th, but Wojnarowski indeed struck out to end that inning. Bottom 5th, Vega singled, and on a 1-2 pitch David Fisher hit a BOMB, putting Vancouver up 5-3 again. Del Rio was yanked after a Matt Anton single, but Hennessy conceded the run while allowing another single and also failing to get the easiest of batters removed… f.e. Truett with runners on the corners and one out. Truett hit a sac fly, 6-3. It didn’t get much better at all; Derks allowed a 2-piece to Matt Anton in the seventh, and while Perkins pulled a run back with two outs in the eighth and a well-placed single, there was no getting back into this game. 8-4 Canadiens. Pinkerton 2-4; Zitzner 2-4, 2B; Perkins 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Well, that was a nightmare…

The Raccoons added another pitcher from AAA, with Bryan Rabbitt joining the Critters. He had a 3.44 ERA in 55 innings in AAA, and a 6.10 ERA in a few scattered innings in the majors this year.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Gurney
VAN: CF LeJeune – 2B McWhirter – RF Wojnarowski – SS Bennett – LF A. Torres – 3B Anton – 1B Cuomo – C F. Garcia – P J. Martin

Wojnarowski left the game in the second after bouncing off the fence with all his body parts at once in a successful attempt to defuse a Tim Stalker drive to the wall. Tessmann replaced him. The Critters still took the lead in the same inning on a Perkins single and Hall double with two outs, only to have Gurney waive it back all the way and then some more in the bottom of the inning. Alex Torres walked, Vince Cuomo hit his first homer of the season, and the damn Elks had the lead, 2-1, then took another run in the third on straight singles by the 2-3-4 batters … and with two outs. In the fourth, they trampled all over Gurney with nobody out – the bases filled on a walk and two singles, bringing the pitcher to the plate with nobody out. Martin chucked an RBI single, and Gurney was excused from further duty. All the remaining runners scored in a hurry against David Fernandez: LeJeune hit an RBI single, Bill McWhirter a 2-run double, and Bennett would hit a sac fly off Nick Bates. Torres flew out to Wallace, ending a 5-run fourth that saw the ****ing Elks up 8-1.

It was a miserable game for sure. The Coons sucked on pitching, and on hitting, too. Not that they had a whiff of coming back, but they made it extra depressing with little bits in between. Like in the seventh, when they had Hall and Thompson on base with nobody out. Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, pinch-hit, and easily flew out to left. Ramos popped out. Pinkerton grounded out. Nobody scored. That remained true in the last two innings, too, with Rabbitt pitching two scoreless in the blowout, while the Coons only got Stalker on base in the eighth and he was stranded, too… 8-1 Canadiens. Hall 2-4, 2B, RBI; Rabbitt 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Hah! But we held them to only ONE win today, and that means they were still eliminated with a Titans win…!

Sometimes, Honeypaws, we gotta make **** up to keep on living…

Game 3
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – LF Catella – 2B Cass – C Ross – P Chavez
VAN: 2B LeJeune – SS Bennett – CF Tessmann – 1B D. Fisher – LF A. Torres – 3B Anton – RF Korecky – C F. Garcia – P Bessey

With the left-hander Bessey moving into this game and no off day next week, the Coons used the opportunity to rest the left-handed regulars. I was fully expecting a sweep-completing defeat anyway… and Bernie would not disappoint me in this regard. After LeJeune flew out, Bennett hit a 2-strike single, stole second, Tessmann walked anyway, and then the really good part began. David Fisher flew to left, ****ing Sean Catella dropped the ball for a run-scoring error, and Torres doubled in two in the gap in right-center. Matt Anton homered, making it 5-0 in the first. Will Korecky homered, too, Chavez walked the opposing pitcher with two outs, and I had some really stiff blood pressure at home and was loudly yelling at the TV again. That was it of course – swept in ****ing Skunktown, BC, no season series win against the ****ing Mosslickers, and all I had to argue with was Honeypaws, who was less than impressed by my tearful rants.

Chavez was yanked after a despicable performance that was crowned with a Bennett leadoff single and a clueless walk to Fisher in the bottom 2nd. Anaya replaced him and got a double play grounder from Torres, closing Chavez’ line at 1.1 innings and six runs, five earned. Yeah, sure, the future anchor of the rotation! A ROTATION OF ***HEADS!!

By the fifth, Pinkerton was pitching – yay… – in a 6-1 game following a string of base hits by Zitzner, Rodriguez, and Catella in the top of the inning that nevertheless didn’t get the team to a point where a full comeback was likely. Fascinatingly, Preston tossed two scoreless, after which he was not put back in the field to protect his Swiss Army knife body from falling apart. It was the following top of the seventh inning that Zitzner led off with a single and Wilson Rodriguez knocked a homer to right, suddenly narrowing the gap to 6-3 before the scuffed second-hand produce below them in the order made three fast outs. Jared Stone kept the damn Elks pinned, and then Nate Hall opened the eighth with a double to left from the #9 slot. Ramos hit for Stone in the top slot, lined out to Fisher, and Stalker and Perkins both grounded out to Bennett in the lamest fashion possible, leaving Hall stranded at third base. The ninth brought right-hander Raul de la Rosa and a leadoff single for Zitzner. Despite four left-handed batters on the bench, the Coons stuck to Wilson Rodriguez, figuring that somebody had to hit for Catella, Cass, and Ross if something had to move in this game. Rodriguez grounded to short on the first pitch, easy-as-pie double play, and I screamed as loud as I could in the most terrible pain ever felt on the couch back home. NOOOOO!! It can’t BEEEEEE!!! … And yet, it was. Wallace hit for Catella, struck out, and that was the sweep. 6-3 Canadiens. Zitzner 3-4; Rodriguez 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Pinkerton 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 0 K and 1-3;

And we out-hit them… 10-6. In fact, they did not have a base hit after Anaya left the game.

And we still lost. Miserably. MISERABLY.

In other news

September 11 – The Aces break the Bayhawks with a 10-run eighth inning, taking a 14-7 victory. Vegas outfielders Andy Montes (.259, 9 HR, 60 RBI) and Eric Martin (.283, 7 HR, 43 RBI) both drive in four runs in the game, and both chip in a homer in the eighth.
September 12 – PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.347, 30 HR, 87 RBI) is expected to miss the rest of the season with a broken cheekbone suffered when hit by a pitch thrown by CIN SP Bill Quintero (3-5, 5.16 ERA).
September 12 – At only 24 years old, CHA SP Jim Tierney (10-14, 3.82 ERA for his career) has to retire from complications from bone chip removal surgery that have messed up the elbow in his throwing arm. The #27 pick in the ’27 draft, Tierney had been operated on in May and had been expected back in August, but had suffered several setbacks leading to an untimely end to his career.

Complaints and stuff

Well. That was a rough hump. First the ridiculous high of winning the series in Boston, and then they went north of the border, but south from there and got wiped out by the damn ****ing Elks. That one was soul-murdering, to say the least.

And Bernie Chavez, who looked like a candidate for the Opening Day assignment in ’33 (well, who do YOU have?), got absolutely wiped out for the third game in a row, too.

Everything is so depressing.

Three more weeks. Which is a good thing, because there is shortage of Capt’n Coma in Portland right now and I need to get back to my other time wasters, like looking at clouds, or screaming at clouds… or at the sun, really… anything does.

In St. Pete, Manny Fernandez is now batting .240 with three homers in 12 games and with a much more real .265 BABIP.

The Panthers were eliminated from playoff contention by losing two out of three to Waterville this week.

Fun Fact: Ignacio del Rio and Jason Gurney tied for third place in losses in the Continental League with 13 defeats each, but can’t win the trophy anymore, effortlessly left behind by CHA Doug Clifford (9-18, 4.19 ERA).

They are pretty much the only Coons to feature in any sort of top 10 in the CL. There are two exceptions. Del Rio is tied for second in shutouts with two behind ATL Mario Rosas, who has four. Also, Chris Wise is eighth in saves with 28, which you can read one thing or another into, but I will abstain at this point because I have already no more tears to cry.

…and I have to talk Honeypaws down from the curtain rail.
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Old 09-24-2019, 05:20 PM   #2977
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Raccoons (58-84) @ Indians (80-62) – September 13-16, 2032

The Indians’ chance at the postseason was mostly academical at this point, and the Raccoons had little hope of getting rid of that red lantern again before the following season, so this was mostly a 4-game set for the season series, which so far was tied at seven, and had been taken by the Raccoons the year before. The Indians were fifth in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed, but continued to behoove their record with a mere +5 run differential. The Critters? A crisp - 161.

Projected matchups:
Dave Martinez (1-2, 3.86 ERA) vs. David Saccoccio (11-11, 4.12 ERA)
Travis Coffee (4-7, 5.09 ERA) vs. John McInerney (11-11, 4.48 ERA)
Steve Russell (2-1, 4.67 ERA) vs. Sal Bedoya (13-7, 3.35 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (10-13, 4.79 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (6-6, 3.91 ERA)

One southpaw – McInerney – in this mix. Not that it mattered – the Raccoons were playing a low .400-ish against any sort of creature in any sort of place…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C James – P Martinez
IND: 1B Witte – C J. Herrera – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 2B Schneller – LF Acor – SS DiGiacomo – 3B Conner – P Saccoccio

The Raccoons opened the series with a Ramos Special in the first inning as Berto walked, stole a bag, and then came around on the pinnacle of offensive credibility – two groundouts. That play repeated itself in similar fashion in the third inning when Ramos reached on a leadoff single, stole another base – this time third after Pinkerton walking had pushed him to second already – and scored on a Stalker groundout again. Wallace whiffed, Perkins walked, and Howden grounded over to Joe DiGiacomo at short, whose throw to first was quite wide and sailed past Oliver Witte for a run-scoring 2-base error. He got it on his next chance, Nate Hall’s grounder on the very next pitch. Stalker drove in Berto for the third time in the fourth inning, then with a soft 2-out single into center that actually scored both Ramos (double) and Martinez (single) to make it 5-0, and Dave Martinez had actually faced the minimum – on a Witte single and a Juan Herrera double play ball – the first time through. Though honestly, I was past that giving me happiness, or giddiness, or just some pure old relief. The only thing this team had yet to give me this season were the shingles.

Shingles were ordered and would certainly soon be delivered – Oliver Witte hit a leadoff triple in the bottom 4th before miraculously being stranded on base with a K to Herrera, John Baron’s liner to Howden, and Mike Plunkett being retired on a grounder in front of home plate. Top 5th, the Critters already had Perkins (double) and Howden (intentional walk??) on base with nobody gone when Nate Hall’s fly to left was flubbed by Dustin Acor. The gaffe loaded the bases for James, who axed Saccoccio with a 2-run double to right, 7-0, with righty Chris Vazquez replacing him. Martinez popped out (no blame for that), while Ramos snapped an RBI single and Pinkerton chipped in a sac fly. Stalker flew out to Acor, this time gripping firmly in a 9-0 game.

Martinez would last seven and concede a run in each of the last two of those innings while obviously becoming unglued at this stage. Witte and Baron landed hits for the run in the sixth, with Baron then caught stealing to end the frame. In the seventh, Plunkett opened with a single, Dan Schneller walked, Acor hit into a double play, but Martinez also lost DiGiacomo on balls to put them on the corners for Josh Conner, unremarkable .275 batter. He singled to center on a 1-2 pitch, plating Plunkett, with DiGiacomo thrown out at third base by Pinkerton to end this inning. With the Coons swapping out many of the mainstays, the pen held up, sort of. Hennessy and Derks collected the final six outs, with the latter striking out the side in the ninth after almost giving up a 3-piece to Plunkett with two outs in the eighth… 9-2 Coons! Ramos 3-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Stalker 1-5, 4 RBI; James 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Martinez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, W (2-2) and 1-4;

Normally a 1-for-5 day is nothing to write home about, but if you’ve got four ribbies like Stalker, you had to have been doing SOMETHING right…

What is it, Martinez? Do I hear what? – No, I can’t hear Odilon’s dark angels jubilating thy name.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – 1B Zitzner – 3B Perkins – LF Hall – RF Rodriguez – C Ross – P Coffee
IND: 1B Witte – C J. Herrera – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 2B Schneller – LF Acor – SS C. Castro – 3B de Luna – P McInerney

With two stolen bases on Monday, Ramos was now just two behind the CL leader Guillermo Obando (the ABL leader was Nashville’s Chance Bossert with a runaway 61), so people would be extra watchful with him on base, which happened right at the start of the Tuesday affair thanks to a catastrophic throwing error by Witte that went well over the hustling McInerney’s head and allowed Berto into second base, but he didn’t get a stolen base attempt off at all because Pinkerton plated him with a single two pitches later. Now it was about waiting for the cat to push that pot of Coffee over the edge of the table. Witte hit a leadoff double in the first, but was stranded on defense, and after Acor and Cesar Castro both drew 1-out walks in the second, Coffee gave up a sharp single to left to Edwin de Luna. Too sharp, it turned out; Acor was sent from second, but Nate Hall made a wonderful throw from left to cut him down at home plate, and McInerney was rung up to end the inning. A Stalker double and Perkins RBI single plated a second Portland run in the third inning, and John Baron hurt himself on the throw to home plate and had to be replaced with Brad Rolph, a 2024 fourth-rounder that had gotten some playing time in ’29 and since then had gotten steadily less playing time every year; he had one at-bat this season so far. His second came in the bottom 3rd with Witte on first, one out, and ended the inning in 4-6-3 fashion.

Rolph also popped out to end the fifth with Witte on first, but by then the game was tied. The cat had been patient in the early innings, but in the fourth poked a paw into the stale Coffee and then walked all over the glass table with the sticky paw, resulting in a Schneller walk and a game-tying Acor homer. The Critters took a 4-2 lead in the sixth in the most stupid fashion; Zitzner and Perkins made outs before Hall legged out an infield single on a ball that struck McInerney in the foot, hampering his pursuit of a play considerably. Rodriguez reached on a Castro error, and then Toby Ross dished a ball over Rolph’s head for a 2-out, 2-run double. Coffee struck out, then hung a fat one to Mike Plunkett to begin the bottom 6th, and that ball was *gone*, cutting the edge to 4-3. Castro and de Luna hit singles with two outs, but the trust in Coffee was sufficiently non-existent that even the left-handed poker McInerney, .115 this year, .136 career, was threat enough to call out a left-hander. Garavito replaced Coffee in the ultimate shaming and rung up the opposing pitcher, stranding two. Blowing the lead would be left to Jared Stone in the bottom 7th. 2-out single to Rolph, a Plunkett double, and then… a wild pitch. Tied game, Schneller flew out to right to keep it that way with the go-ahead run on third base. In a perfect world the Raccoons would have rekindled the offense, but nothing was happening in that regard. The bottom of the ninth saw Bryan Rabbitt in the game in an attempt to get the contest to extras. He generated three grounders, none for outs. Dan Brown hit a single up the middle that eluded the middle infielders Ramos and Cass, who almost took each other out, but not Brown. Witte bunted, but Rabbitt’s greedy throw to second was high and past 2005 Ugliest Baby Boy Sam Cass for an error. The runners executed a double steal on the dreamy Ross, and then Herrera grounded to Baldwin, who fired home… late. Brown scored and the Indians walked off. 5-4 Indians. Stalker 2-4, 2B; Baldwin 1-1;

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Russell
IND: SS Eisenberg – 1B Conner – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – 2B Schneller – LF Acor – C Kuhlmann – 3B de Luna – P Bedoya

Ramos was caught stealing in the first inning before Pinkerton singled, Stalker was hit by the pitch, and Perkins reached on Schneller’s error. That loaded the bags for Howden, who struck out, the dumb pig. But somehow the bottom of the first managed to be worse. Frank Eisenberg lined right at Wallace, who shrieked and dropped the ball for a 2-base error. Josh Conner hit an RBI double, then was moved around on two groundouts. With the inning about over, Schneller singled, and Acor grounded in front of home plate. Thompson threw to first – wildly, and well past Howden. The second 2-base error of the inning moved runners into scoring position. They scored on the third 2-base error of the inning, a wild and wicked throw by Justin Perkins on Morgan Kuhlmann’s ****ty roller. De Luna hit an RBI single, and Bedoya finally ended the misery with a groundout. 5-0 Indians, all runs unearned, and my blunderbuss was back home in Portland…!

Bottom 2nd, the bases were loaded on a 1-out walk to Conner, a Perkins error adding Plunkett, and another walk to Baron. And this was Perkins, who had played almost all year at third base, and had come into the game with only FIVE errors, or about as much as the Coons had currently in this game. The pitching coach kindly informed Steve Russell, getting a chance here because Jason Gurney was unbearable even to experienced sufferers, that everybody wanted to go home at some point and that he might want to consider getting some outs; hey, how about that concept of THROWING STRIKES?? Schneller singled home two on the very next pitch, 7-0, before Ramos fell on an Acor bouncer *and* home plate and somehow bounced back up to turn two to end the inning after all. Russell was yanked in the third after a 2-out single by Bedoya and a walk offered to Eisenberg, with seven runs already on the board. Oh yeah, all but one were unearned, but he sure had a paw in them! Nick Bates struck out Conner after a passed ball charged on Thompson had advanced the runners… Can anybody here stop ****ing up for five minutes now??

With the game in the bin, the Coons got a Ramos Special off for a run in the top 5th, and got another run on a Wallace double and essentially a 2-out wild pitch by Bedoya, which wasn’t going to save them, either. Preston Pinkerton pitched by the fifth, got four outs before putting runners on the corners in the bottom 6th, and was replaced with Anaya, who skillfully executed the surrender of a rocket drive for a 7-2 double play to end the inning. And then suddenly the game was a bit less in the bin. Come the seventh, Ramos singled, stole second, and then scored on Justin Marsingill’s pinch-hit homer, cutting the gap to three runs. It was also Marsingill’s first dinger as a Coon in 180 attempts. Howden hit a homer in the eighth, a solo job, making it 7-5 while simultaneously dashing further ahead for the team homer crown, now with a crisp… 12. The quickly rotating pen kept the Indians to the seven early ones, and the team had a real chance to make it all the way back in the ninth against righty closer Adam Rosenwald. Thompson popped out to shallow center to begin the inning, and that would turn out to be the farthest the team came to roaring all the way back. Rodriguez hit for Catella, and after that was Ramos – both struck out. 7-5 Indians. Pinkerton 1-2, RBI; Marsingill (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-4, 2B;

(grumbles about defense and their fat lard asses not moving)

Ramos had now reached 39 stolen bases, the leader’s mark on Tuesday morning, but Obando was at 40 already. Oh well, better than nothing to watch in September… For your kind information, Berto was the 4-time defending CL stolen base champ.

The Indians made a change and went with southpaw Chris Wickham (1-4, 5.44 ERA) instead for the Thursday game. This could have been a spot to rest Ramos, but a) what to rest him for? And b) we’d get a southpaw on the weekend and probably some more the following week. There was no point in going through those motions anymore.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – 1B Zitzner – 3B Perkins – LF Hall – RF Rodriguez – C Ross – P del Rio
IND: SS Eisenberg – C J. Herrera – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 2B Schneller – LF Acor – 1B J. Dominguez – 3B Conner – P Wickham

Indy got on the board first with a drag bunt for a leadoff single by Frank Eisenberg, who would end up doubled in by John Baron, who in turn was caught stealing third base by Roby Toss, or something like that. The Arrowheads then bowed out of a few chances to sink del Rio quickly and efficiently, and in turn had the lead blown in the fourth by a 2-out Zitzner single and then a Justin Perkins dinger to dead center that put the Coons up 2-1. The comeback chance for the Indians wasn’t far around the corner – Plunkett on Schneller reached scoring position with one out in the bottom of the inning, but both Acor and Jesus Dominguez popped out over the infield to throw it away. Bottom 5th, Wickham singled, but Eisenberg hit into a double play. Bottom 6th, Herrera led off with a double, Baron walked, and Plunkett hit into the double play. It was almost too good to be true, but Schneller concluded the inning with a groundout, keeping Herrera on third base. The end for del Rio only came with a 2-out Conner single in the bottom 7th. No double play possible anymore, and he was on 98 pitches, AND the Indians sent ex-Logger Brad Gore to pinch-hit, which called for a lefty. Hennessy rang him up.

Ramos stole #40 in the eighth inning, but was stranded when Julio San Pedro rang up Pinkerton to end the inning. In turn Frank Eisenberg hit a leadoff jack off Stone in the bottom 8th and the lead was gone. The Indians loaded them up against Garavito in the bottom 9th; not knowing what else to do, we sent out Nick Bates with the bases loaded, two outs, and John Baron at the plate. Baron grounded out, and the game went to extras this time. Top 10th, the Coons got on Toby Ross on a 1-out double as well as Ramos with two gone when walked intentionally by Tim Thweatt. Howden hit for Pinkerton and struck out, the dumb pig. The next time up, Ross hit a leadoff single, still off Thweatt, to begin the 12th. Catella was supposed to bunt him to second, which worked, but Catella was also safe at first owing to a particularly well placed bunt that even the Gold Glover Eisenberg couldn’t handle. At this point, Marsingill ran for Ross, while Berto drew a walk that loaded the bases with nobody out. Pickings were slim though for the pitcher’s spot that came up now; Rabbitt had pitched two scoreless and now needed bailing out from one of Thompson, Baldwin, and Cass – all that was left on the bench. We went with Sam Cass, a .318 hitter in a ridiculously small sample size. He grounded to first, Dan Brown pounced and fired home to kill Marsingill, and the bags remained loaded with one out for Stalker, who lined out to Schneller at 0-2, and Zitzner, who grounded out to Schneller. Nobody scored… at least until Acor tripled home Schneller against Nick Derks in the 13th… 3-2 Indians. Zitzner 2-5, BB; Perkins 3-6, HR, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Ross 3-5, 2B; Catella 1-1; Rabbitt 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Raccoons (59-87) vs. Knights (74-71) – September 17-19, 2032

After the Indy ****show, the Raccoons had a prime chance to blast through their last two years’ loss total in the very next set at home, hosting the Knights. They were seventh in runs scored in the CL, and sixth in runs allowed, with a -9 run differential. Despite being in third place they were already eliminated, and they had also already bagged the season series against Portland, 5-1 through the first two sets. The Critters had gone 1-8 against Atlanta three times in ABL history, including last year.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (3-7, 4.60 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (10-13, 4.69 ERA)
Dave Martinez (2-2, 3.60 ERA) vs. Mario Rosas (17-11, 3.01 ERA)
Travis Coffee (4-7, 5.07 ERA) vs. Justin Osterloh (8-4, 2.54 ERA)

Right, left, right. Loss, loss, loss.

Game 1
ATL: LF Inoa – C S. Garcia – RF Pincus – 1B Harenberg – 2B J. Johnson – SS Thomson – 3B Maneke – CF Seago – P Inderrieden
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Chavez

Perkins homered to give the Coons a lead for the second game in a row, this time a solo job in the second, and boy, homers were LOUD in a mostly empty park! Ramos was on with a double in the first, a single and a stolen base in the third, and picked up neither time. Speaking of homers being loud, the seven people and three doves that were not paid to be in Raccoons Ballpark at this point and were dispersed well in the stands got another one to scare the **** out of them in the fifth when Chris Maneke slammed a 2-piece off Chavez. Bernie had nursed a 1-hitter through four, but had allowed a leadoff single to John Johnson in the top 5th, and well, then hung one to Maneke, who hit his 17th dinger of the year. That was five more than any Coon had on the year, and Maneke was nowhere near the team lead for the Knights, held by ex-Coon Kevin Harenberg with 23. That almost became 24 at the beginning of the seventh inning, but he hit his 410-footer in the direction of the 418’ marker and Pinkerton got out there, too. The Furballs wouldn’t get another base knock through seven (and there were only seven total in the game by then), while the top 8th began with a Maneke single, a walk to Nate Seago, and then Bernie was basically in to receive the bunt and then get yanked. Inderrieden bunted into a 2-5-3 double play, which still got Chavez knocked out, but then only left-handed bat Rich Parker appearing to hit for Luis Inoa. Fernandez replaced Chavez and got the K to end the inning… though not until after another passed ball was charged to Thompson, moving Seago to third base. Instead, Chavez was taken off the hook in the bottom 8th thanks to Nate Hall’s leadoff triple slash near-homer to center – it hit the top of the fence, but didn’t go over – and Thompson’s sac fly. Not exactly overworked closer Chris Wise held the Knights short in the top 9th, setting up a walkoff chance for the middle of the order with Inderrieden still around and giving up a leadoff double to center facing Pinkerton. Tim Stalker hit a gapper that fell well away from Parker and ended the game with a walkoff double. 3-2 Coons! Ramos 2-4, 2B; Thompson 0-1, RBI; Chavez 7.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 2 K;

That was the fifth win in relief for Chris Wise, tying him with Hennessy and Anaya for … third place on the team. And yes, the parked Gurney is second with six…

With the AAA season concluded – the Alley Cats went 73-71, 12 games out – the Coons added a few more players for the final two weeks and 15 games: Jonathan Fleischer, Juan Barzaga for the pen; 2028’s #20 pick Darren Brown to make one or two starts (he was on the 40-man anyway) after going 6-14 with a 4.68 ERA in AAA; and infielder Brendan Day as additional warm body for the middle infield spots.

Game 2
ATL: LF Inoa – C S. Garcia – RF Pincus – 1B Harenberg – 2B J. Johnson – SS Thomson – 3B Maneke – CF Seago – P Rosas
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – C James – P Martinez

Dave Martinez’ day would not be long thanks to numerous long counts and four walks in the first three innings, but at the same time the Knights only got to him for a lone base hit early on and couldn’t get a run across. By contrast Rosas seemed to be able to breeze through the Coons’ lineup, needing only 36 pitches for the first three innings on two singles and two strikeouts. He allowed a 2-out single to Perkins in the bottom 4th, then ran into a full count himself to Zitzner before challenging him with a 94mph heater. Zitzner was up to it and walloped it over the fence in right, near the foul pole, to break a scoreless tie and give the Coons a 2-0 lead. That one visibly rocked the 17-game winner, who gave up singles to Wallace and Rodriguez right after the dinger, but was then let off the hook when Giovanni James grounded out to Harenberg.

Martinez got through five, but walked Roy Pincus to begin the sixth inning. With the left-handed slugger Harenberg up, his day was done after 95 mostly messy pitches. The Critters turned to Mauricio Garavito, who got the Coons out of the inning with an easy fly to left, a fielder’s choice off Johnson’s bat, and then Keith Thomson’s grounder to Stalker, and then continued in the seventh against the all-lefty bottom of the order, retiring Maneke and Seago before allowing a single to Rosas. But Luis Inoa was still another lefty bat – and struck out. On to the eighth, Stone retired Steve Garcia and Pincus in full counts before Harenberg bombed him to cut the gap in half. Worse yet, Johnson doubled to center, and now the left-handers were coming up again. The Coons threw in Hennessy, leading to a predictable but unavoidable move to PH John Elliott in place of Thomson. On the first pitch, he grounded out to Perkins, ending the inning. With the Raccoons entirely invisible ever since the James grounder that had ended their raucous 2-run fourth, it remained a 2-1 game in the ninth, and those left-handers were still up and even had considerable power – 32 homers between Chris Maneke and Nate Seago. Hennessy remained in the game – at least to ring up Maneke. Then Josh Soltis pinch-hit for Seago to get the platoon advantage, but his scouting report said he was meh, and we now stuck to Hennessy. Soltis flew out to right, but with two outs PH Rich Parker homered to left and the lead was blown again. Hennessy walked PH Ron Raynor, then was replaced with Fleischer, who began his newest recall with a wild pitch to Steve Garcia, who he went on to walk. Pincus ran a full count, but struck out, ending the miserable ninth. The game went to extras when the Coons couldn’t have been more polite to southpaw Roland Warner in the bottom 9th. The Coons left runners on the corners (Hall, Ramos) when Pinkerton fouled out in the bottom 10th, but Rabbitt served up a tie-breaking homer to Maneke in the 11th. Oh goodness. Bottom of the inning, right-hander Arturo Arellano out to face the 3-4-5 batters. Groundout, groundout, strikeout. 3-2 Knights. Perkins 2-5; Wallace 2-3; Garavito 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

(looks over to Cristiano Carmona in his wheelchair) Say, how’s your swing, Cristiano? How’s your leg work? – No? … Maud, how about you? – Maud!? – I think she went home just on time…

Game 3
ATL: LF Inoa – C S. Garcia – RF Pincus – 1B Harenberg – 2B J. Johnson – SS Thomson – 3B Maneke – CF Seago – P Osterloh
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 3B Perkins – LF Hall – 2B Cass – C James – P Coffee

A 30-minute rain delay 14 pitches into Coffee’s Sunday outing surely wasn’t going to ruin his start, I mean, how could he be any worse than this? He hung in there for a while before a rotten stretch with two outs in the fourth inning, where all in 2-strike counts Harenberg singled, Johnson was nicked, and Thomson hit an RBI single for the first run of the game. But, surprise, despite being 2-hit through three the Coons rose against Osterloh in the bottom 4th. Pinkerton hit a leadoff single, stole second, and was brought in on two singles by Zitzner and Perkins, both narrowly missing gloves. That tied the score and put some pressure on the Knights’ righty, who then gave up an RBI double in the gap to Nate Hall, putting Portland 2-1 ahead, but recovered with a comebacker by Cass, an intentional walk to James, and a K to strand them all against Coffee. Bottom 5th, Pinkerton doubled and Wallace walked intentionally. That made us grumpy enough to send them on a double steal on which Garcia fired high to third, with Maneke having to leap to contain the ball. The Knights swung with their favorite morningstar, walking Zitzner with intent. Travis was out at second on Perkins’ 1-out grounder, but Perkins legged out Thomson’s return throw to break up the double play, and Pinkerton scored a run. Hall grounded out, keeping it 3-1. Ramos was also walked intentionally in the sixth with Sam Cass on second base. Pinkerton grounded out against relief man Drew Johnson.

Coffee gave the Coons six and a third innings of 3-hit, 1-run ball, which was well more than I’d have dared to dream off. After that he was on 91 pitches and the lefty bottom of the order was up again. We sent for David Fernandez, who retired five in a row, sending the Critters clean through to the ninth…! Actually there was still the bottom of the eighth. Left-hander Mike Greene walked Hall and allowed a double to Cass to begin the inning. In a 3-1 game, runners on second and third were some juicy insurance runs for sure! So PH’s Tim Stalker and Wilson Rodriguez swiftly grounded out to Maneke at third, keeping the runners pinned, and Ramos was walked intentionally AGAIN. Greene, though, lost Pinkerton to a 2-out walk with the bases loaded, pushing home Hall at last. Toby Ross hit for Wallace, but flew out to right, so Wise would get the 3-run lead in the ninth. He almost ended the game on three strikeouts, but Harenberg put the 0-2 in play, a soft fly to Hall for an easy out – ballgame. 4-1 Coons. Pinkerton 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Cass 2-4, 2B; Coffee 6.1 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 1 K, W (5-7) and 1-2; Fernandez 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

In other news

September 13 – SAL SP Rin Nomura (12-7, 3.72 ERA) will miss the rest of this and maybe all of next season with elbow ligament damage.
September 14 – VAN OF Brian Wojnarowski (.253, 10 HR, 46 RBI) has his season end with a herniated disc.
September 14 – A scoreless game in San Francisco through regulation blossoms for five runs in the tenth inning. The Knights score four in the top half, mainly on a 3-run homer by RF/LF Roy Pincus (.269, 21 HR, 68 RBI), and make it hold up sufficiently well for a 10-inning, 4-1 win over the Bayhawks.
September 17 – A fourth-inning single by rookie SS/2B Oscar Aguirre (.174, 1 HR, 3 RBI) is all that separates the Falcons from being no-hit in a 4-0 defeat to the Crusaders, their 100th loss of the season. NYC SP Eddie Cannon (14-12, 3.17 ERA) and MR Billy Brotman (5-7, 3.75 ERA, 3 SV) combine foe the 1-hitter.
September 17 – The Aces erase the Indians with a 10-run seventh in an 11-1 win. LVA LF/RF Ruben Orozco (.335, 14 HR, 47 RBI) chips in a pinch-hit grand slam.
September 19 – The Pacifics secure the FL West two weeks early with a 4-1 win over the Rebels. It is their 15th division title, and their sixth in seven years.

Complaints and stuff

Ramos is now at 41 bags, one behind Obando for the CL lead. I think he can get him. Maybe if he can get on base without the intentional walk and being parked behind an immobile piece of furniture, he can win his fifth straight bags title.

And we do play the Crusaders next weekend in New York, after having been eviscerated by the 98-win Condors to begin the week. They will likely clinch the South at our place, which is not something I appreciate happening, but all they need is two wins even with the Baybirds not losing…

Darren Brown was added, but he won’t actually be able to make a start until Wednesday at least; he started the season finale for the Alley Cats on Friday. Brown was always the fourth guy mentioned whenever we rattled off our bright future with young starting pitching, you know, the Sabre / Chavez / del Rio faction that gets consistently bulldozed by opposing teams.

Worse than those three however are clearly Zitzner and Howden, who for a platoon where they face opposite-handed pitching the vast majority of the time are doing a pretty ghastly job. Howden is the worst offender, the dumb pig, with more than 90% of his PA coming against right-handed pitching, and even then he can’t break a .700 OPS. Zitzner has seen lefties and righties almost equally, and has only a mild advantage when it comes to average and OBP against southpaws, but all his power is against them; against left-handed pitching he is actually a worthwhile player with an .800 OPS. There is no reason to continue the platoon next season. Howden is gonna be drowned in the nearest river as soon as I get a hold of him, and then we’ll just have to deal with Zitzner’s act. Maybe his numbers are weighed down artificially by an absurdly black July, where he batted .130 and couldn’t have been of less use if he had been actually, naturally dead, and spread out next to first base with flies laying eggs into his eyeballs.

Fun Fact: The 1985 and 1986 Knights share the record for the worst running outfit in ABL history. Both teams managed to steal only 15 bases for the entire season.

In ’85, Tom Welch stole five, Tom McDonald nipped four, and Ralph Nixon – the pig snouted Raccoon from a few years before that – fell onto three bags in time at the noble age of 38. McDonald pushed himself to five the year after, while Welch fell off the radar with just one. Nixon had retired. Aaron Nolan and Sakutaro Ine stole three each, Jesus Luna stole two.

Hall of Famers mentioned here: none.

Oh, yeah, that 1985 team finished third in the South. The 1986 Knights won the pennant before falling to the Blue Sox in a sweep.
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Old 09-26-2019, 12:29 PM   #2978
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Raccoons (61-88) vs. Condors (98-51) – September 20-22, 2032

For wicked reasons only known to a handful of the most sadistic of baseball gods, the Coons were 4-2 on the stomping Condors this season. On the other hand that meant that should we manage to get swept, we’d come up 4-5 against them for the fifth straight season, and wouldn’t that be some deflation after needing only one W for the most meaningless of season series triumphs? They were fourth in runs scored, second in runs allowed, and would seal their division as early as Monday with a magic number of two and the Bayhawks facing the Titans at the same time.

Projected matchups:
Steve Russell (2-2, 4.50 ERA) vs. Joe Perry (10-10, 3.83 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (10-13, 4.66 ERA) vs. Ethan Jordan (14-5, 3.45 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-7, 4.42 ERA) vs. Jeff Little (13-4, 1.98 ERA)

These were actually all of their southpaws. As usual, Perry and Little had very little stamina, 57 starts, and only 332 innings between them, so they were not likely to pitch deep into games.

Game 1
TIJ: C Zarate – SS C. Miller – 1B McGrath – 3B Sanks – LF W. Ojeda – CF C. Murphy – RF Camps – 2B Hughes – P Perry
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – C Ross – P Russell

Portland scratched out an unearned run in the opening inning when Ramos reached on a Chris Miller error, advanced on two groundouts, and scored on a Perkins single past the disgusting, revolting skunk weasel Shane Sanks, who then turned around and hit a leadoff single in the second, but was stranded on a groundout and Russell ringing up the next two, Chris Murphy and Juan Camps. And that was it for goody goodness; Andy Hughes drew a leadoff walk in the third, Perry slapped a single rather than bunting, and Danny Zarate walked to load them up with zero outs. Chris Miller singled in a pair, so did the cursed Sanks, Willie Ojeda reached on an infield single, and Juan Camps hit a 2-out RBI single. That was the end for Russell, the useless sucker, who was yanked for Nick Derks. Hughes lined out to third base, ending a 5-run rush by the Condors that the Raccoons were not expected to recover from… but they did stock all the bases with one out in the bottom 5th on two singles (Pinkerton, Perkins) and a walk to Travis Zitzner. Jimmy Wallace hit a fly to deep center that was spoiled by Chris Murphy for a sac fly, but Rodriguez and Ross slapped 2-out singles to get a run in and reload the bags, respectively against a crowded Perry, who then faced Nate Hall pinch-hitting for Gurney (two outs without nasty incident in the top 5th!) with an increasingly narrowing 5-3 lead. Perry couldn’t find the zone, walked Hall to force home a run, and then Ramos spilled a grounder between everybody on the infield, and nobody made a play – the bases-loaded infield single plated Wilson Rodriguez and tied the score at five. It also knocked out Perry in favor of right-hander Robby Ciampa. We had Jarod Howden hit for Pinkerton, resulting in a first-pitch groundout to short and the end of the inning.

The tie was broken in the sixth, but not with Victor Anaya on the mound; the Coons righty retired the bottom of the order 1-2-3, including Ciampa, who was not hit for and continued pitching in the bottom 6th, serving up a leadoff jack to Tim Stalker to put the Critters on top, 6-5. Anaya also handled the seventh flawlessly, with Hennessy tacking on a 1-2-3 eighth as the Condors looked very, very beatable. The season series was right on the table! It would be Chris Wise against the bottom of the order, but of course the Condors still had a plethora of pinch-hitters available, with left-handed Ken Hess hitting for Camps to begin the ninth. He grounded out to short at 1-2. Hughes flew out to Nate Hall in center. Bobby Fernandez pinch-hit in the #9 hole, a left-handed late-season call-up with no career homers, which was crying out for trouble. Wise walked him, the first Condors runner in a while, but then prevailed against Danny Zarate, ending the game with a K. 6-5 Raccoons! Stalker 2-5, HR, 2B, RBI; Perkins 3-5, RBI; Wallace 2-3, RBI; Ross 2-4; Hall (PH) 0-1, BB, RBI; Anaya 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (6-4);

That was the 30th save for Wise this season, but also the sixth win for Anaya, tying the relief man with Gurney for second on the team, and wasn’t that sad? The untouchable leader remained del Rio with 10 wins after starting the year in AAA, and he was up next.

Ed Hooge also rejoined the team off the DL, but wasn’t in the lineup against the southpaw.

Game 2
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – 1B McGrath – 3B Sanks – RF W. Ojeda – C Zarate – LF Sung – 2B Hughes – P E. Jordan
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – P del Rio

The ****ing skunk weasel hit a 2-run homer off del Rio in the top 1st, giving him 34 dingers and 107 RBI on the season. Not that this was anywhere near the end of massive, wholesome contact where the Condors were concerned; Danny Zarate led off the second with a double to left, Yeong-ha Sung homered to right, 4-0, and Hughes again lined a double to left. Somehow that run stuck on base, but the prognosis on del Rio again wasn’t great. He plainly sucked. His day ended the next inning. Sanks hit a solo job, a 430-footer that got me looking for some flavor to put in the booze, and anything would do, up to and including the stuff Maud polished our trophies with. Zarate whacked a 2-out double to knock out del Rio, with Pinkerton hauling in Sung’s deep fly off Juan Barzaga to end the inning.

The next two frames saw Bryan Rabbitt having his intestines picked out for five hits and somehow only one run. The five hits put the Condors at a dozen through five frames, while the Coons had zero entering the bottom 5th, which also yielded nothing, and the bottom 6th, where Justin Marsingill flung a 1-out single past replacement shortstop Danny Lytle (Miller had left with forearm stiffness) to break up the no-hitter. Pinkerton tripled him in with two outs, scored on a Stalker single, and then Perkins ripped a homer to left, taking sole possession of the team lead with a mighty 13 dingers and narrowing the gap to 6-4 in a sudden meltdown by Ethan Jordan. Willie Ojeda robbed Zitzner in the gap to end the inning. The Condors came back with a run against the superfluous Jonathan Fleischer, who walked the skunk weasel to get going and also allowed a double to Zarate, then a pinch-hit single by Ken Hess off Garavito before Hughes hit into a 5-4-3 double play to keep the score at 7-4. Nick Bates was finally exploded for three runs in the ninth inning. He walked as many and sandwiched a Kevin McGrath single in between… 10-4 Condors. Marsingill (PH) 1-2;

Ah, there it was. The on-field celebration for a division title.

By the Condors of course, just in case you had not paid much attention the last six gruesome months.

Justin Perkins sat out the final game of the set with general soreness. He had participated in all but four games so far, starting 141 times.

Game 3
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – LF Sung – 1B McGrath – 3B Sanks – RF W. Ojeda – C Zarate – SS Lytle – 2B J. Solis – P Little
POR: SS Ramos – LF Hall – 2B Stalker – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – RF Rodriguez – 3B Marsingill – C James – P Chavez

McGrath hit a solo shot for #22 in the first, and the Coons put them on the corners and left them there in their half of the inning, courtesy of Ed Hooge hacking himself out. Top 2nd, Chavez started off by nailing Zarate with a 1-2 pitch before walking Lytle and allowing a single to Jesus Solis. Three on, no outs, and another meltdown was in progress until he out of the blue struck out the opposing hurler and Chris Murphy, and Sung grounded out to Stalker. Not that the trouble ended there – McGrath and Sanks slapped singles to begin the third, but again were stranded on three groundouts. Bottom 3rd, leadoff single by Bernie! Ramos singled, Hall whiffed, and Stalker got nailed, giving Zitzner three runners to play with and one out. He popped out ****tily, and Hooge got rung up again to increase his LOB tally in this game to a strong five.

Five was also the limit for Chavez, and it was a ****ty five despite the superficially decent two runs he allowed, the latter on three 2-out singles in the fifth. He allowed seven hits, three walks, and nailed a pair – hardly Opening Day material. Pinkerton hit for him and singled in the bottom 5th, then was forced out by Ramos, who stole second and was brought around by Hall with a single to center, keeping the Condors one run away. Stalker struck out, Zitzner singled, and Hooge slapped away at the first pitch and came up with a game-tying RBI single...! Well, better lucky than nothing if you can’t be good…! Rodriguez’ foul pop ended the inning and left Chavez with a no-decision. From there, the pens doled it out for a few innings with little offensive results until Hooge hit a gapper for a 1-out triple in the bottom 8th against Jose Ornelas. Rodriguez popped out, but Marsingill lined into center and Murphy couldn’t reach it. That ball became the go-ahead RBI single. Giovanni James added a 2-out single and Jimmy Wallace hit for Hennessy, but struck out. It was back to Wise, then, with Juan Camps retired on a grounder to begin the ninth, and the same for Chris Murphy. PH Ken Hess was rung up. 3-2 Coons! Hooge 2-4, 3B, RBI; James 2-4;

…and now it’s also six wins for Hennessy. We’re gonna have a whole crowd there by the end of the year, I can feel it!

Ramos also got that 42nd bag, but by now Guillermo Obando had already moved on to 43, and his ramshackle Crusaders crew was our next opposition on a weekend trip to New York, New York.

Raccoons (63-89) @ Crusaders (74-79) – September 24-26, 2032

Long defeated, the Crusaders were only playing out the string and maybe vying for third place in the North. They had the fourth-fewest runs scored and the fifth-fewest runs allowed in the Continental League, with their rotation however third-best in ERA. They also led the season series, 8-7.

Projected matchups:
Darren Brown (0-0) vs. Jesse Wright (13-5, 3.06 ERA)
Dave Martinez (2-2, 3.15 ERA) vs. Philip Rogers (3-4, 4.96 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (10-14, 4.84 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (14-12, 3.27 ERA)

These would be three right-handers, but Cannon and southpaw Ramiro Benavides (9-14, 4.37 ERA) had both been involved in a double header on Tuesday, so things could swing out either way on Sunday.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Brown
NYC: RF Malo – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – SS Obando – C Dear – LF Cambra – 3B Ryder – P Wright

After the initial setback of Caleb Malo’s infield single, Brown had a clean first inning with two strikeouts against Jay Elder and Tony Coca, two of the CL North’s Elder statesmen, though frustration set in fast in the second with Matt Dear’s single and Firmino Cambra’s homer. Come the third, a Perkins error, a Coca single, and a walk to Guillermo Obando loaded the bases with one down, and Brown just kept disintegrating with a full-count walk to Dear. Cambra hit an RBI single, 4-0, with Zachary Ryder lining out and Wright popping out to end the inning. But my favorite inning turned out to be the fourth, which was also Brown’s last. He nailed both Elder and Mario Hurtado, somehow got Coca to whiff, then hung one for Obando that got belched over the fence, 7-0, on Obando’s first homer of the season. Unsurprisingly, that was the end of Darren Brown’s ****ty, horrendous, ****ed up, no good major league debut.

Not that the rest of the crew was ANY better. Barzaga replaced Brown and give up another bomb to Matt Dear, 8-0, and the Coons’ offense was on one hit at that point… That wasn’t going to get better, while the bottom 5th saw Barzaga give up two hits and two walks for one out before being replaced by Nick Bates, who walked in a run against Coca, allowed an RBI single to Obando, then had Dear slap another 2-run single into right-center. At that point it was 13-0 and I had no will to live, but two pesky ushers kept pulling me off the railing in the upper deck. Steve Russell was tossed into the shark pool and got out of the inning. And things just kept getting better…: Elliott Thompson led off the sixth with a single to center, but considered himself quick enough for two bases. Tony Coca disagreed, and Thompson was out by a country mile, the little idiot… Berto hit a 2-out single, but became the second Critter in the inning to make an out on the bases, being caught stealing by Dear. Fleischer was slapped for a run in the sixth, and another one in the seventh, both with two outs, and when Wright shoveled the bags full in the eighth with nobody out, Elliott Thompson DID get a run in, but OF COURSE by hitting into a double play. Stalker hit a 1-out triple in the ninth, but Wallace hit a comebacker to ex-Coon Billy Brotman and Howden, hitting for Zitzner, struck out, the dumb pig. 15-1 Crusaders. Stalker 2-4, 3B;

Preston Pinkerton pitched a scoreless eighth, automatically earning team MVP honors.

What do you mean, Mena, they don’t sell Capt’n Coma in New York state? Do I need to cross into Jersey, or is that the entire Puritan Northeast??

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Martinez
NYC: RF Malo – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – SS Obando – C Dear – LF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P Rogers

Surrounded by idiots – that’s how I felt. Stalker was hit in the top 1st and caught stealing, while the bottom 1st saw Elder and Hurtado hit singles, with a stupid throw by Jimmy Wallace allowing both into scoring position. Martinez threw a wild pitch, walked Obando with two outs, and Obando briskly stole second, with Elliott Thompson never getting a throw off, and increasing Ramos’ gap to the stolen base title to two. That was the only run in the inning, although Martinez also walked Dear, but I was already as mad as I had been after 15 runs on Friday night. Martinez fittingly exploded for a 3-spot started by Rogers’ single in the bottom 2nd, with the 1-2-3 batters in the order hitting for a triple, double, and single, all with an RBI, to sink the Raccoons early on once more.

Martinez would barely last five innings on 118 pitches (not like we cared about him…), and charged with five runs, four earned. The Coons had actually scored, too, one run each in the fourth and fifth, both involving fluke occurrences, a Jimmy Wallace triple and an Elliott Thompson jack, respectively. Two runs then fell out of Bryan Rabbitt in the bottom 6th, courtesy of Malo’s leadoff dinger and a flurry of singles after that. Thompson returned to the plate for a second thumper off Rogers in the seventh – what a shame it was all in vain. Same for Nick Derks’ 2-inning, 4-strikeout appearance. …and then the Critters did get the tying run to the plate in the ninth, and right out of the blue. Perkins socked a homer off Brotman to get to 7-4, and Casey Moore upon replacing him fanned Hooge but walked Howden and Hall. Thompson batted for himself, because how can you lift a guy with two dingers on the night? Moore lost him in a full count, bringing up Zitzner as pinch-hitter with three on and one gone. He struck out, and Ramos flew out to Coca. 7-4 Crusaders. Wallace 2-4, 3B; Howden 1-2, 2 BB; Thompson 2-2, 2 BB, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Derks 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K;

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hall – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P del Rio
NYC: RF Malo – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – SS Obando – C Dear – LF J. Lopez – 3B Ryder – P Benavides

Berto opened the game with a triple and almost got stranded for two grounders to third base and a comebacker that Benavides fumbled into an “infield single” and an RBI for Travis Zitzner. That was also the end of the Coons’ offensive ambitions apparently, because they pretty much didn’t do anything after that for an hour or two or six. The best thing that could be said about del Rio was that he didn’t turn into jello at first sight and got through three innings on two hits and without blowing the lead, but the Crusaders got to him eventually. Hurtado hit a soft leadoff single to left, a ball that might have been caught by an actual defender, was doubled in by Tony Coca with his 105th RBI to tie the game, and then Dear hit a ground-rule double over the leftfield fence to put New York ahead again, 2-1.

When Obando grounded out to Ramos to begin the sixth inning, del Rio became the first and only Critters starter to get any out at all in the sixth inning this week. He actually made it all the way through SEVEN – otherwise this team’s answer of how many losses they could fit in a week – but that still didn’t make him a winner, for the offense specialized in that awful trick where they’d get a single per inning and then nothing more. Also, Ramos drew a leadoff walk and was caught stealing by the Crusaders yet again, depressingly not gaining ground on Obando. Top 8th, Wallace led off with a triple off ex-Coon Jamie O’Leary, and NOW we were talking…! That was the tying run on base, with Mike Hugh – a paper Raccoon, rule 5 pick sent back before the start of the season – walking Rodriguez, then nailing Marsingill. Three on, no outs for the Critters, who sent Hooge to bat for Toby Ross, resulting in a sharp score-flipping 2-run single to center! Carlos Marron replaced Hugh and whiffed Elliott Thompson and Ramos, but Nate Hall found a hole for an RBI single before Perkins was fanned. Obando hit a 2-out triple against Jared Stone in the bottom 8th, but Garavito rang up PH Firmino Cambra to get out of the inning. The game ended with Wise retiring the bottom of the order on a Jorge Lopez single, Zachary Ryder’s double play grounder, and then a groundout from Ryan Hurley. 4-2 Coons. Hall 3-5, RBI; Zitzner 3-5, RBI; Wallace 3-5, 3B, 2B; Ross 1-2, BB; Hooge (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K, W (11-14);

In other news

September 21 – Topeka loses CL Jonathan Snyder (3-3, 2.31 ERA, 23 SV) for the season with a case of shoulder inflammation.
September 22 – The defending champions Titans’ 6-5 win over the Bayhawks sees them lock up the CL North for the 16th time and the eight time in the last 11 years.
September 23 – The Capitals trade INF/LF Jay Green (.261, 7 HR, 47 RBI) to the Falcons for OF Nate Nelson (.212, 13 HR, 60 RBI).
September 24 – The Titans hand the Loggers a 17-3 bruising, with BOS C David Lessman (.319, 7 HR, 40 RBI) chipping in four hits (including a homer) and five RBI.
September 25 – Indians and Canadiens play a whopping 15 scoreless innings before the Indians break through with a 2-spot in the top of the 16th, the runs plated by C Edgar Paiz (.236, 6 HR, 38 RBI) in his fourth attempt from the #9 spot. The Canadiens have no answer and fall 2-0 in a 16-inning, 9-hit combined shutout by five Indians pitchers.
September 25 – DAL OF Sergio Riquenes (.267, 3 HR, 56 RBI) has four singles and five RBI in an 11-3 knockoff of the Gold Sox.

Complaints and stuff

…and here is everybody’s highlight, the Coons’ starting pitcher rankings for this week!

Del Rio – 7.0 IP – 2 R – 2 ER – W
Chavez – 5.0 IP – 2 R – 2 ER
Martinez – 5.0 IP – 5 R – 4 ER – L
Brown – 3.2 IP – 7 R – 6 ER – L
Russell – 2.2 IP – 5 R – 5 ER
Del Rio – 2.2 IP – 5 R – 5 ER – L

This chart shows you as well that there is no hope that anything will be better in 2033. Yeah, we’ll have Sabre and Gutierrez back. Ha-hah! Two more pitchers that on a good day will allow four runs in six innings.

And yes, our 15-1 bloodletting on Friday was not even the worst shellacking on that day, with the Titans touching the Loggers (we’ll see both at home next week) for 17 runs on the same day.

What relief!

91 losses is the most the Coons have dropped since 2022 (71-91). You have to go back to 2005 to find a Coons team that lost more: 70-92. I doubt we’ll stop there, but the next-worst record is already out of reach, 2000’s highly offending 63-99 outfit.

Fun Fact: All the Coons’ six wins against the Condors this season were by one or two runs.

Yeah, but they count anyway!
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Old 09-29-2019, 12:59 PM   #2979
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What is it, Maud? It’s nine in the morning and I have not had my shot of booze yet. – What do you mean, he’s here already? – Why is he wearing a Tudor era outfit with a blustery purple feather hat?

Might be a long week ahead.

Raccoons (64-91) vs. Loggers (71-84) – September 27-30, 2032

Four more with the Loggers, who had the fewest runs scored in the league, all and entirely undoing their third-fewest runs allowed in the Continental League. They didn’t even plate 3.5 runs per game – it was an extremely pathetic lineup. Not that the Raccoons could point claws without getting some slapback … The season series stood 8-6 in Milwaukee’s favor.

Projected matchups:
Travis Coffee (5-7, 4.79 ERA) vs. Joe West (6-13, 4.27 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-7, 4.38 ERA) vs. John Nelson (4-9, 4.42 ERA)
Darren Brown (0-1, 14.73 ERA) vs. Josh Long (13-13, 3.63 ERA)
Dave Martinez (2-3, 3.60 ERA) vs. Mike Hodge (2-1, 2.75 ERA)

Looks like an all-righty offering from the Loggers here.

Game 1
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 3B Meehan – SS W. Morris – C J. Young – CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 2B Holder – LF Will Ojeda – P J. West
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – LF Hall – C James – 1B Howden – P Coffee

The Coons got a quick start with a 2-run first, Ramos walking and Stalker doubling to begin the game. Wallace’s groundout and Perkins’ double both brought in a run, but the inning fizzled out with a flyout by Ed Hooge and Nate Hall first walking, then being caught stealing. That was it for offense early on, while Travis Coffee retired the first ten Loggers in order before Jamie Meehan sunk a double in the gap in the fourth inning. Wayne Morris’ pop and Jim Young’s grounder to Tim Stalker kept the runner on, though. Gabe Creech’s leadoff walk in the fifth dissolved in Miles Monroe’s 4-6-3 grounder. Will Ojeda repeated the trick with the leadoff walk in the sixth, stole second, and was moved to third on Joe West’s bunt, putting a runner on third base with one out. Danny Valenzuela cashed the run with a rather deep sac fly to Hooge in center, but Meehan struck out to keep it 2-1. Say, Nick, why the hat? – Oh, so you’re a 16th century poet now? – There are worse career choices, I agree.

Nothing to write too many lines about: the Coons offense. They had only one hit after the first inning until … well, after Coffee was pinch-hit for with Travis Zitzner in the bottom 7th. Coffee dealt seven frames of 1-hit ball, which was admirable indeed, and left with Jarod Howden having drawn a leadoff walk. Before Zitzner could rake one, Howden, the dumb pig, was picked off by Joe West, and the inning soon dissolved into nothing with two shallow pops by Zitzner and Ramos. Miles Monroe drew a leadoff walk in the eighth (may we stop that… please?), but Stone and Hennessy worked around that to keep the 2-1 lead alive. Hennessy might have been kept around for the ninth with two left-handers in Valenzuela and Meehan coming up first, but Meehan left with an injury for Vinny Diaz in the bottom 8th and Valenzuela was hit for by Josh Stephenson, so all righty opposition would face Chris Wise. He allowed a leadoff single on a 2-2 pitch, the runner was bunted over, and then Wayne Morris cashed the tying run with a single up the middle. Say, Nick, do you have an inspirational line about love being lost and the only exit being taking poison? (unscrews bottle of Capt’n Coma) With the Critters still unable to get a run home, or even a base hit – both teams had only three knocks in regulation – the game went to extras where Wise struck out the side in the 10th, but THAT WASN’T GONNA GET US ANYTHING ANYMORE, WAS IT??

The Critters didn’t get another base hit until the *12th* inning, a point at which I sat between a dozing Slappy on one side and Valdes on the other, with the latter holding a clipboard with papyrus and writing with a duck feather while intermittently sighing and looking absentmindedly to the ceiling even while Nate Hall chipped a 1-out single off George Barnett in the bottom 12th. Toby Ross flew out to right. Wilson Rodriguez pinch-hit for the pitcher Steve Russell and lined out to short. The game dragged on like a hemiplegic donkey pulling an overloaded cart. Bates pitched two innings and whiffed four, then had faint hope for a W in the bottom 14th, with Hooge hitting a 1-out single off Alexis Zamora, followed by Nate Hall doubling up the rightfield line, but the ball was cut off by Stephenson and Hooge had to be held at third base. The Loggers called for the intentional walk, putting on Ross, and offering bases loaded to the pinch-hitter coming up, Sam Cass. The 2005 Ugliest Baby Boy ended the game with a fly to left, deep enough for D.J. Mendez’ meh arm to have no chance to beat Ed Hooge to the plate. 3-2 Raccoons. Hall 2-4, 2 BB, 2B; James 0-1, 2 BB; Coffee 7.0 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K; Fleischer 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K; Bates 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (3-0);

(has read Valdes’ poem on papyrus) Nick, none of this rhymes! – No, it has to rhyme, everything else is not a poem. – Ow! Ow! Stop slapping me with the hat!!

Game 2
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 2B Holder – SS W. Morris – C J. Young – CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 3B Parten – LF Will Ojeda – P J. Nelson
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – LF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – C Thompson – 2B Cass – P Chavez

Bernie Chavez was a mess, needing 87 pitches through five innings, and most of them were terrible. Weirdly, he put the leadoff man on base in three of those five innings, but the Loggers scored in the other two, and while he allowed six hits and four walks through five, the Loggers’ scoring runners reached in neither of those ways. A 2-out error by Ramos got them going in the third, with singles by Jim Young and Gabe Creech moving Morris in to score, and Chavez nailed Morris in the fifh before giving up another pair of singles, this time to Young and Monroe. The Raccoons, as Nick Valdes – back in standard business attire with the usual badly knotted tie – did NOTHING, collecting three hits in the first four innings, although Ramos did steal a base to get to 43, but still behind Guillermo Obando. Sam Cass led off the bottom 5th with a double to left, then was kept pinned while Chavez and Ramos flew out and Pinkerton worked a walk. Jimmy Wallace swatted a double almost into the corner, but again we had to hold the runner against a murder arm in right, and only one run came across on the double. Pinkerton came home anyway, then on a gapper to the base of the wall cracked by Justin Perkins, a 2-out score-flipper to put the Coons up 3-2. Hooge singled, but Zitzner grounded out to keep two on base.

The sixth began with one pitcher striking out the other before Valenzuela tripled to left on a pitch that Hooge gaffed into extra bases after charging the single too hard. It then went all the way into the corner. Chavez walked Kaleb Holder, then gave up another linetickler to deep left for a 2-run double credited to Wayne Morris, then was yanked. Some people just *deserved* that 3-8 record… David Fernandez stranded the runner though, keeping the deficit to 4-3. While Anaya and Garavito held the fort for Portland in the next two innings, Nelson was still pitching in the eighth, but gave up a leadoff single to Perkins – his 150th hit of the season – and then, after a fielder’s choice saw Hooge replace Perkins at first base, a Zitzner double over Valenzuela in a hit-and-run. This time, the guy from first scored, and the Coons tied the game! Nelson walked Thompson, was replaced by Cody Chamberlin, and that guy walked Cass, loading the bags for Tim Stalker as pinch-hitter in the pitcher’s spot. He popped out on the first pitch, bringing up Ramos with two outs, and soon it was also two strikes on Berto, who withstood the pressure and knocked a ball over Jason Parten, another line-hugging extra-base knock that made it all the way into the corner – one run in, two runs in, here comes Cass, three runs scored on the double! An overhyped Ramos was caught stealing third to end the inning, with Wise unavailable for safe duties after pitching three innings in two days. Righties were up, but Anaya was also gone, Stone had pitched two days in a row, too, so here came… Bryan Rabbitt…! Valdes snorted and covered his eyes, and I would have done so too if I hadn’t needed all my paws to embrace the Capt’n. Rabbitt’s first two pitches were outs; a soft bouncer to Perkins off Monroe’s bat following a loud rocket right at Pinkerton hit by Gabe Creech. Parten blooped a single in a 2-1 count, but Will Ojeda whiffed, and this game was in the books, too. 7-4 Coons! Ramos 2-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Perkins 3-4, 2B, 2 RBI;

Unsurprisingly the first career save for Bryan Rabbitt in the majors. He had 89 saves in the minors, but that’s like comparing apple pie to eggplants…

Bad news for Ramos: Obando was now up to 46 steals, three ahead of him.

Valdes departed after this game, threatening to come back for the season finale, although none of us could be quite sure in which costume he’d ride in then…

Game 3
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 2B Holder – SS W. Morris – C J. Young – CF Creech – 3B V. Diaz – 1B Sears – LF Will Ojeda – P Long
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – LF Hooge – 3B Perkins – 2B Stalker – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Brown

The Coons had a guy in scoring position in the first – Ramos after a single and stealing #44 – and the third – Thompson with a leadoff single and a bunt – and again the fourth – Perkins double – but only scored their man in the third of those opportunities. Tim Stalker’s RBI single got the only run in the first five frames across home plate. Darren Brown had retired the Loggers in order in the first three innings, whiffing three, before they seemed to zero in on him the second time through. Valenzuela singled in the fourth, but was doubled off, and they had two singles in the fifth, but couldn’t push through. Brown held out, retiring the 9-1-2 batters in order in the sixth with a K to Holder, but then hung a breaking ball to Jim Young for a 1-out homer to tie the score in the seventh. Creech reached with an infield single, but D.J. Mendez struck out and Andy Sears rolled over to Stalker to end the inning, with Brown on 84 pitches – a fine performance worthy of a win, if only the offense could do something for him with that. They couldn’t. Stalker led off the bottom 7th with a single, then was doubled up by Howden, the dumb pig. Wilson Rodriguez grounded out. Brown was sent back out for the eighth, but got stuck when he faced the top of the order for the fourth time. Valenzuela singled and stole second, and he walked Holder, all with two outs. Stone replaced him, allowed an RBI single to Wayne Morris, but Brown would be taken off the hook in the bottom of the inning. Sean Catella dropped a pinch-hit single against Long, was forced out by Ramos, with Berto spitefully stealing second base for #45 and scoring on Pinkerton’s single to left-center. Hooge grounded out, ending the inning. The Coons somehow staved off Fleischer nailing Creech to begin the ninth, giving them a chance to walk off again in the bottom of the inning. They were on the corners against Long (who entered under 90 pitches) in no time with singles by Perkins and Stalker. Wallace hit for Howden, the dumb pig, but grounded out poorly anyway. That kept Perkins pinned, while Stalker moved up. Thanks to the wealth of players available in late September, we could give the Loggers a tough one: Giovanni James batted for Rodriguez, holding back Zitzner so he wouldn’t become intentional walk fodder. The Loggers snapped after the bait, James was placed on base, and Zitzner batted for Thompson, and then held off flailing at garbage thrown by an unravelling Josh Long, culminating in ball four to end the game. 3-2 Critters! Perkins 2-4, 2B; Stalker 3-4, RBI; Zitzner (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI; Catella (PH) 1-1; Brown 7.2 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 5 K;

That was the seventh win for John Hennessy. Given that we mothballed the unbearable Jason Gurney (6-13), there is hardly anybody around anymore that could take second place in the team wins column from him. Maybe Anaya, if he wins one (to tie) or two (to move ahead) in relief…

Game 4
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 3B Lockert – SS W. Morris – CF Creech – 1B M. Monroe – 2B Holder – C Canas – LF D.J. Mendez – P Hodge
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – LF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – P Martinez

The godforsaken Martinez walked Valenzuela to start the game. Morris singled, Creech was nailed. One run scored on a wild pitch, two more on a Monroe double. That was a 3-0 score’s worth of damage in the first, but to anybody’s surprise in a small crowd in frigid conditions the Critters made up the deficit right away. Hodge walked a pair that was doubled in with two outs by Ed Hooge, who himself scored on a Zitzner single. Stalker reached with an infield single, and Thompson’s drive to deep left was caught by Mendez, but three runs had scored already. Martinez, who lacked both stuff and command, somehow boogied around leadoff singles by Mendez in the second and Morris in the third before giving up another one to Rodrigo Canas in the fourth. This time he walked Mendez right afterwards, leading to a run on a groundout following Hodge’s fine bunt to move the runners over. Down 4-3, the Critters wouldn’t reach scoring position again until with one out in the sixth with Wallace and Hooge on base, but then neither Zitzner nor Stalker could get a ball to fall in.

Martinez maneuvered through seven shoddy innings, with Ramos getting on base with two outs in the seventh before being caught stealing, one bag off Obando at that point. But the Loggers failed to hold this lead either, and again without getting their pen involved. Hodge allowed a leadoff double to Preston Pinkerton in the gap in the eighth, then also gave up the RBI single to tie the score at four to Justin Perkins. Chris Myers ended the inning after that, then was in line for the win after a pinch-hit inside-the park home run by Josh Stephenson off Steve Russell in the ninth. Again, Hooge was the culprit, badly misreading the ball and playing a single into a homer. That lead stood – George Barnett allowed a 2-out pinch-hit single to James in the bottom 9th, but Ramos grounded out to Morris, spoiling the possible sweep. 5-4 Loggers. Hooge 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI;

Eh. I could be more mad. It’s not like we are playing for anything better than draft position right now. In that category the Falcons and Scorpions have nailed down #1 and #2 a long time ago, both teams with well over 100 defeats. We are currently tied with the Miners for the #4 pick, with the Aces one game worse looking at the #3 selection. However, we’ll play the 100-win Titans to end the season, so it’s not like we’re likely to win many more games…

The worst pick we can end up with by now is #6, if the Cyclones lose out, we win out, and get the short stick in the draw.

Raccoons (67-92) vs. Titans (100-59) – Oktober 1-3, 2032

The Raccoons were a respectable 6-9 against Boston so far, with the Titans having bagged the division a while ago. They had no hope to be anything but the #3 seed in the playoffs despite their 100-win campaign, attained with the best offense in the CL (over 800 runs already) as well as the fewest runs given up in the league, less than 3.5 per game. The Raccoons looked in envy while continuing to stuff their little snouts with pieces of banana bread.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (11-14, 4.76 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (17-8, 2.51 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (4-6, 4.60 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (16-10, 3.13 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-7, 4.42 ERA) vs. Dustin Wingo (18-8, 3.07 ERA)

Left, right, and who knows. The Titans had been in a double header on Wednesday, involving both the southpaw Wingo and right-hander Alex Contreras (9-8, 3.62 ERA). They’d find someone to take that start.

Meanwhile the Druid declared Rico Gutierrez fit just at the end of the season and recommended giving him another start before the year was out. I obliged. He bumped Coffee out of this series. One of the maddening Travises on the roster would be available as long man of choice should Gutierrez falter early, though.

…and then just before game time the Titans scratched September Pitcher of the Month Mario Gonzalez and Potter would get the nod on short notice, and short rest, too.

Game 1
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – C Lessman – SS Spataro – RF M. Walker – 2B R. West – 3B E. Gonzalez – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – LF Hooge – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – P del Rio

As we had seen for most of the week, offense was incredibly slow especially early in games. Del Rio lined up four zeroes on the board before Mark Walker got him with a leadoff jack, his 15th of the season, in the fifth inning. That erased a 1-0 lead the Coons had gotten on their only base knock so far, a Stalker RBI double to cash Perkins in the bottom 2nd. Maybe we should get a shipment of wooden bats again next year and cancel the contract with the rubber bat factory…

Adam Potter maintained his 1-hitter all the way until the Titans hit for him with Adrian Reichardt to begin the eighth inning. He grounded out against del Rio, who rung up Moises Avila and got a groundout from Willie Vega to complete eight on just under 100 pitches, and as per usual was not in line for a W despite having pitched *fine*. The bottom of the order was up for the Coons in the home half of the eighth. Stalker grounded out. Thompson was drilled and run for by Baldwin while James batted for del Rio and slapped a single past a diving Rhett West to send Baldwin to third base and present a hitless Ramos with runners on the corners and one out. He slapped the first pitch from reliever Tim Zimmerman in the exact same direction as James, West knocked that one down, but couldn’t contain it right away and had to scramble after it long enough to have all paws safe with an RBI infield single, and now del Rio *was* in line for the win! Preston Pinkerton singled to load the bases, Wallace struck out, Perkins rolled out to Edgar Gonzalez, and Wise would have to make do with no cushion. He walked David Lessman with one out, allowed a single to Keith Spataro, and just when I reached for Honeypaws for comfort got Walker to fly out to Hooge and West to fan on a high 1-2 pitch. 2-1 Blighters. James (PH) 1-1; del Rio 8.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (12-14);

In bad news, this did not help draft position (although the other candidates for #3 also won), and Obando stole two for New York and was now three ahead of Ramos again who was in a deep slump and unlikely to unspool a 4-hit, 3-sack game any time soon.

Game 2
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – SS Spataro – 2B R. West – C R. Avila – 3B T. Johnson – RF M. Walker – P M. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – 2B Marsingill – RF Rodriguez – C Ross – P Gutierrez

Rico was not likely to go past four or five innings in any case, nor over 75 pitches in a last-ditch start coming back from ruptured finger tendons, and the way the Titans hit the ball out of the gate it was doubtful he’d get THAT far. He faced five Titans in the first inning, the middle three of which smacked three sharp hits for one run, while the first and last, Moises Avila and Rhett West, fired spikers at Perkins, who contained them and turned the latter one for two. Mario Gonzalez’ bunt aside the Titans didn’t make a soft out the first time through the lineup, but even got a 3-1 lead in the bottom 2nd with a Zitzner homer to right and base knocks by the 6-7-8 batters, which plated a second run. Gutierrez batted with runners on the corners and barely got out of the way of a very wild pitch that got Rodriguez across from third base before Gutierrez fanned and Ramos grounded out to West, always continuing deeper into the slump.

Gutierrez was yanked in the third. Willie Vega opened the inning with a homer, and the Titans put Justin Uliasz and Spataro on base via the hit, and Roberto Avila with a full count walk. Three on, one out, the ghastly starter had to go after 2.1 innings of 7-hit, 2-walk ball. Jared Stone came in to preside over a cockup of colossal proportions. He allowed a sac fly to Todd Johnson that might have been an inning-ending 7-2 double play if Nate Hall’s throw hadn’t been off the line by several miles for an error. That one died the game and the remaining runners advanced, prompting an intentional walk to Walker. Stone then farted forth a 2-out, 2-run single to the opposing pitcher, an RBI single of the soft variety to Moises Avila, and then was taken well deep by Vega with a 3-run homer, his second bomb IN THE INNING. At this point, and with the diehard crowd relentlessly booing the shoddy on-field product, Travis Coffee came in for garbage duties and struck out Uliasz to end an 8-spot that put the Titans 9-3 ahead. Despite the terrible throw by Hall, all runs were judged to be earned, too.

HOWEVER… Gonzalez didn’t get the win either. He came reasonably close to ****ing up a 9-3 lead in the bottom 5th, which saw Ross and Ramos reach base via the walk before Pinkerton dropped in a single with one out. The bags were full for Perkins, who hit a sac fly, and then Zitzner pressed a grounder past Todd Johnson for a 2-run single to cut the gap in half, which was the end of Gonzalez. Josh Walsh rung up Nate Hall to end the fifth. Meanwhile Coffee collected 13 outs for two hits and no runs, the aesthetic equivalent of a fern drawn in dark brown powder on top of a steaming hot cappuccino. Hooge hit for him to begin the bottom 7th, but struck out. Ramos drew the walk from Walsh, but the Titans *knew* what his intents were and watched over him like over a newborn heir to the kingdom. He never got an attempt off while Pinkerton and Perkins made outs to complete the inning. Bottom 8th, Hall, Wallace, and ross landed base hits, each of a different pitcher. Hooge had stayed in the game at Pinkerton’s expense after the seventh, but would face the left-handed Tony Chavez, who had just put Ross on board. The Raccoons sent Tim Stalker instead. He flew out to Willie Vega. Bottom 9th, still down by three, Ramos rolled out to West against Jermaine Campbell, Cass bounced out to Johnson, and Perkins flew out to Walker. 9-6 Titans. Zitzner 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Marsingill 1-2, BB; Wallace (PH) 1-1; Ross 3-4, RBI; Coffee 4.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 5 K; Derks 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K;

What do you mean, Mena, this is not a fern? - A cannabis leaf? Really? - Oh you mean *in* the coffee. (sips) Maud! I'll have another one of those!

The Aces also lost, while the Miners were rained out and had a double header with the Capitals on Sunday. Our loss eliminated the chance to tie the Cyclones and fall to #6 in the draft.

Game 3
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – C Lessman – SS Spataro – RF M. Walker – 2B Moss – 3B T. Johnson – P Wingo
POR: SS Ramos – CF Pinkerton – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Chavez

Lessman doubled home Vega in the first, and singled him home in the third. That latter one came as the third of straight singles to begin the inning against Chavez, who fooled nobody, and this was a playoff team with decent chances to repeat their title from last year. He lost Spataro on 3-2, loading the bags, then got a double play grounder, 6-4-3, from Walker to concede another run. Kevin Moss grounded out to strand Lessman at third base. The Coons had a Stalker double in the bottom 2nd that led nowhere nice, then Thompson got on with a leadoff single in the third. Chavez bunted him over, and Ramos dropped a single to left, putting them on the corners. But here was another southpaw with a devastatingly quick move to first and Berto never got the steal off before Pinkerton ripped a 2-run double. Good for the team, but likely ending his bid for a fifth straight steals title for good. Wingo would walk the bases full, but Stalker grounded out to short, stranding all the runners. The Coons thus remained down 3-2, which soon became 4-2 in the fourth when the ball was foolishly given back to Chavez, rapidly disintegrating for an entire month. Johnson and Avila hit singles to get another run across. He would eventually get hosed for six runs in 5.2 innings, the last two coming on a Todd Johnson homer to right…

With that, the season was about over. The Coons were down by a slam, and couldn’t get on base, least of all Berto. We sent a few of the hardly-used players out in the latter innings, f.e. Barzaga to pitch in the eighth. He walked the bags full with the 6-7-8 batters and retired nobody. Anaya inherited the sticky spot, struck out PH Rhett West as well as Avila, then got Vega to ground out to Zitzner. No run came across. Jason Gurney got the ninth and somehow collected three outs without dying, although Uliasz hit a leadoff single before finding himself thrown out by Hooge, throwing in from centerfield to tell Uliasz that no, he had not hit a double. The bottom 9th saw Franklin Alvarado, busy right-hander, in his second inning. Thompson was the first Critter up and hit a comebacker for the first out. Catella hit for Gurney and flew out to Vega. Then came Ramos, 1-for-4 and beaten in every aspect. The thin crowd rose and applauded, hoping for one final blip of magic. One pitch later, he flew out to Avila, and the season was indeed over. 6-2 Titans.

In other news

October 1 – The Cyclones get mauled, 13-2, by the Buffaloes, who thus seal the FL East crown and become the final postseason entrant.
October 1 – Back spasms rule out 20-year-old TIJ RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.302, 7 HR, 52 RBI) from postseason contention.
October 2 – In the Indians’ 10-3 smothering at the hands of the Crusaders, their RF/1B Brad Gore (.196, 5 HR, 25 RBI) nevertheless finds a hole for his 2,000th base hit. The marquee hit comes off New York’s Eddie Cannon (15-13, 3.41 ERA), an eighth-inning single. The 17-year veteran Gore, 38, who spent most of his career with the Loggers, was used mostly as a backup this season, collecting only 199 at-bats. He was a Gold Glover three times in his career, and won a ring with the ’21 Loggers, while batting .278 with 188 HR and 1,049 RBI for his career.
October 2 – TIJ SP Ethan Jordan (17-5, 3.27 ERA) sparkles in a 3-hit shutout of the Bayhawks. The Condors win 2-0.
October 3 – RIC SP Felipe Delgado (10-4, 1.99 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout against the Blue Sox. He whiffs five in the Rebels’ 3-0 win.

Complaints and stuff

Sunday saw the Miners win and the Aces lose, meaning the Coons would pick fourth in the 2033 draft after losing a spiffy 94 games. This was the first time in over 30 years we didn’t win at least 70 games.

What was not seen on Sunday was Nick Valdes. Apparently he couldn’t make it. I heard something about angry natives in the Ecuadorian jungle filling his private jet’s engine with chicken to keep him from taking off and then abducting him into the jungle that he was prospecting for a copper mine to hold court over him. We’ll have to see when we’ll hear from him again.

Apart from that I am mighty glad that it’s over and I can close my eyes for a few weeks… finding the right mix of players (for what??) for next season will be taxing enough.

Fun Fact: For the first time in over 30 years the ABL has at least three teams with at least 100 wins.

The most recent time was in 2001, then with four teams over the 100 mark, and then also included the Titans as the #3 seed. The exhaustive list of seasons in which three or more teams won 100 or more games:

1988: Stars (105), Blue Sox (104), Indians (100)
2000: Thunder (108), Bayhawks (102)*, Warriors (101)
2001: Warriors (112), Thunder (108), Titans (103), Loggers (102)*

* Did not make postseason.

All these years have in common that the Raccoons were astoundingly terrible. 1988 at least gave us Neil Reece and some other goodies. 2000 and 2001 were far from the end of the mucky swamp. This current rebuild does not look like it’s hit the nadir yet.
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Last edited by Westheim; 09-30-2019 at 01:36 PM.
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Old 09-30-2019, 12:41 AM   #2980
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