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Old 07-01-2019, 01:07 PM   #21
Cobra Mgr
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The Jets better do something stupid this week. Cause the Mets & Knicks left them in the dust in last week's dysfunction power rankings.
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Old 07-01-2019, 04:27 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KelenicKeeper View Post
Kelenic will haunt the Mets for years.
Decades. He will haunt me for the rest of my lifetime. In OOTP, I *literally* traded an entire Hall of Fame career for three games' worth of an injury-replacement outfielder that got concussed and never played again. Which is probably less terrible than seeing Cano strike out three times and walk straight to the dugout on his lazy pop in attempt number four on any given day or night.

At least Kelenic is in the other league and on the other side of the continent for the time being. No Mets functionary ever voiced regret they didn't have Mike Trout. And why would we want Mike Trout when we have… (sigh) … Curtis Granderson. Or Jay Bruce.

OR JASON BAY. (almost barfs out the "BAY")

But, say, young man... are you… are you him, maybe? Or related to him? Maybe? No? Some influence over… no? Could you… I think I have … I have a solution here. See, if Jarred Kelenic defected to Cuba, renounced citizenship, then defected back, I think, in my head, he would technically be an unrestricted free agent and could sign with the Mets again and save them from their follies. That would be a good, responsible thing to do, for a conscious young man. Maybe... maybe also make Cano disappear in the process.

And Diaz. And Rosario. And Familia. And Captain Mickey. And Brodie Van Waffletown. And the Wilpons.

(googles Kelenic)

Ugh, just look at that stud. Look at that face. That's a WINNER's face!

And what did we get? A lazy ***hole that can't hit and can't be bothered to run for 17 ****ing million a year, and the most flammable item since Mrs. O'Leary's barn.*

I despair of this franchise.

Which is why it is THE WORST.

Also, yeah, Bobby Bonilla Day. (fakes some half-assed dance move)

*totally stole that from somewhere.

Also, somehow that's seven words that really triggered the howling abyss of doom in my pitch black soul.
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