Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

Raccoons (25-20) @ Thunder (24-19) – May 23-25, 2034

The Thunder held third place in the South, but were already seven games out. They ranked fourth in runs scored, but were bleeding just as many runs as they were scoring with a +1 differential, lingering ninth in runs allowed. The main issue was their rotation, which was full of holes. Portland had dropped six of nine games to Oklahoma City last season.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (5-2, 3.35 ERA) vs. Joe Robinson (5-2, 5.40 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-1, 2.05 ERA) vs. TBD
Raffaello Sabre (3-2, 3.42 ERA) vs. TBD

The holes became more pronounced with the purging of two placeholder pitchers at the start of the week. There had also been an off day on Monday, and a rainout in Vancouver on Sunday, so the Thunder had not played since Saturday, allowing them to reshuffle everything. Robinson, a southpaw, was announced for Tuesday. Everybody else was fair game for the rest of the series. This included southpaw Tony Gallardo (3-1, 3.70 ERA) and righties John Nelson (6-3, 2.96 ERA), Joel Trotter (1-4, 6.80 ERA), and the freshly recalled Chris Guyett, who had spent all season in AAA so far.

Then there was also injuries; with Alex Serrato and Andy Schmit two regulars were on the DL for them, plus another infielder in Ben Riffer. Lorenzo Celaya, who had led the CL in stolen bases early on, was day-to-day with back issues.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – LF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Rendon
OCT: RF Celaya – CF Olszewski – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Sagredo – SS Ferguson – 2B A. Rojas – 3B Becker – P J. Robinson

Rendon shuffled the bags full in the first with a Celaya single (and stolen base…), a nailer into Danny Cruz, and a walk to Mike Burgess. Luis Sagredo hit a sac fly to center and David Ferguson struck out, but right out of the gate things looked wonky. Things got better in the second thanks to a leadoff jack by Travis Zitzner. Adrian Reichardt doubled to left, and with two outs the Thunder pitched to Scheffer rather than just walk him. The surging backstop hit an RBI single to center, giving the Coons the lead, but Rendon singled just the same. Ramos, however, flew out to Celaya to end the inning. Both pitchers cranked up the volume after that, whiffing six a side through five innings and keeping runners to the bare minimum to prevent the crowd from dozing off. Rain began in the sixth inning; I didn’t know that the park had been built in the Little Portland section of Oklahoma City, but if you spent most of a month on the road it almost felt good to be reminded of home, sweet home. Top 7th, Portland did nothing at all, but Rendon kept batting for himself. He began the bottom 7th with an 0-2 count on David Ferguson before the umpires had enough of their water-soaked uniforms and opted for a round of cocoa – the tarp came onto the field, and remained there throughout the night, with the game called some 90 minutes after the initial delay. The Coons snuck out seven-inning winners. 2-1 Raccoons. Zitzner 2-4, HR, 2B, RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (6-2) and 1-3;

The middle game would see weather somewhat less hostile, and the season debut of 34-year-old Chris Guyett, an Aces rotation staple for the better part of a decade after his initial stint with the Blue Sox. Guyett had the weird distinction of leading the CL in losses in consecutive seasons (2030-31). He was supposed to get this sinking ship back on course.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – RF Jennings – P Chavez
OCT: RF Celaya – CF Olszewski – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Sagredo – SS Ferguson – 2B A. Rojas – 3B Felicame – P Guyett

Travis Zitzner’s bat made another loud noise his first time up, this time a 2-run homer to left that scored Bob Zeltser, too, making it a 2-0 contest in the opening frame. That was not the last loud knock off Guyett, as Tim Stalker hit a leadoff double to the fence in the second inning. Thompson and Jennings remained virtually useless, but Bernie Chavez flicked a single to right with two outs, and Celaya, still bothered by his very frame, tried to make the least amount of effort in picking it up, and let the ball roll under his tentatively lowered glove. The extra base allowed Stalker to score for sure, 3-0, before Ramos struck out. Wallace and Zitzner hit homers to the left side back-to-back in the third, extending the mark to 5-0. Portland didn’t score in the fourth – although Berto reached on an error by Guyett and stole his 18th base – but the Thunder did, collecting their first hits of the game with a Drew Olszewski single and a Danny Cruz double that scored the runner.

That was it with runs for the time being, with the Coons letting off Guyett, who managed to get through seven innings despite the initial onslaught with three homers (Zitzner popped out his third time around), while Bernie kept going until a muddy bottom 7th seemed to derail him. Burgess walked, Ferguson reached on an error by Zeltser, Bernie threw a wild pitch, then walked Alfredo Rojas with two outs and a full count. Antonio Felicame batted .175 and fell to 0-2 as the tying run, but still managed to slap a ball into play… but he grounded out to Ramos. Guyett began the eighth and survived Zitzner’s groundout, but then conceded a sixth run on Manny Fernandez’ single and Elliott Thompson’s third hit of the game, an RBI single. Bernie, on 102 pitches, might have faced another batter or two, but with left-hander Steve Cutler pinch-hitting in the opening #9 hole in the bottom 8th (and no righty scheduled to bat until Burgess, hopefully in another inning) was lifted for Garavito, who was in a hurry and got three outs and around an Olszewski single on just nine pitches. Another run fell out of David Gerow in the ninth, courtesy of Hugo Salgado’s pinch-hit double and a Zeltser RBI single. Bottom 9th then, Victor Anaya was ready to stir – literally. He nailed Sagreo, put Ferguson on with a throwing error, and the Thunder were in scoring position with two outs after a Rojas groundout. Felicame was batting lefty, but we didn’t feel like using another reliever at all until Anaya REALLY made us, and then he could hitch a train to Florida right away. Felicame thus obviously hit a 2-run double. Carlos Rosa grounded out to end the game, but some right-hander was now really living on borrowed time… 7-3 Coons. Zeltser 2-5, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2 HR, 3 RBI; Thompson 3-4, 2B, RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1, 2B; Chavez 7.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, W (3-1) and 1-3, RBI;

Hey-hey, Bernie won a game!

No roster moves were made right away, but I was tiring of Anaya’s act for sure. I was not even getting why he sucked so hard. He had the best BB/9 and K/9 numbers of his career!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 2B Vickers – C Scheffer – P Sabre
OCT: RF Celaya – CF Olszewski – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Sagredo – 2B A. Rojas – SS Felicame – 3B Becker – P J. Nelson

Ramos singled and Zeltser and Wallace hit doubles to start the game, Jimmy cashing two runs batted in to take the team lead with 26 (compared to Danny Cruz’ 42 not exactly an outrageous amount). Wallace was also stranded by the next three batters. Sabre retired the first ten batters he faced before walking Olszewski and allowing Cruz on by mishandling an infield single, but at least dug his way out of there by retiring Burgess on a pop and Sagredo on a grounder. Cruz’ legs procured the only Thunder hit through five; Thierry Becker got drilled with two outs in the fifth, but Nelson went down on strikes – the first K on Sabre’s ledger. It was 3-0 through five, thanks to Manny Fernandez’ leadoff triple and Reichardt’s sac fly in the fourth inning. Cruz hit another single, this time in honest fashion, in the bottom 6th, but was also left stranded then. The Thunder didn’t reach in the seventh at all, but the Critters cobbled a run together from hits by Wallace, Fernandez, and Reichardt to go up 4-0 by the top of the eighth. Sabre, who had held the Thunder clueless all the way, batted for himself in the ninth, chopping a 1-out single off Josh Livingston. Behind him, Berto walked, Zeltser hit an RBI double, and Wallace came up with a sac fly to extend the lead to six, not that Sabre would not have gotten the bottom of the ninth, entering on 91 pitches, without the additional tack-on runs. He faced the 2-3-4 batters. Olszewski’s fly to right, a K to Cruz, and Burgess’ grounder to Bob Zeltser ended the game in precisely 100 pitches. 6-0 Coons! Ramos 2-4, BB; Zeltser 2-5, 2 2B, RBI; Wallace 3-4, 2B, 3 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, 3B; Sabre 9.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (4-2) and 2-4;

Sweep, sweep!

Also, Sabre got rid of the red lantern amongst our starters in terms of ERA. He entered the game with a 3.42 ERA and left with a 2.90 mark. The joke was now on Pat Okrasinski and his 3.28 ERA.

Raccoons (28-20) vs. Bayhawks (25-21) – May 23-25, 2034

Third place in the South had been taken over by the Bayhawks, who were now looking to avoid the Thunder’s fate. They came to Portland in rather nondescript fashion, middling in most meaningful categories, although they were higher in homers (4th) and stolen bases (3rd) than their otherwise seventh-ranked offense with the eighth-best OBP would suggest. The Coons had an axe to grind here – they had been swept at the Bay of Doom in the second week of the season.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (5-0, 2.75 ERA) vs. Jesus Rodarte (2-4, 5.44 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (5-3, 3.28 ERA) vs. Mark Peterson (1-2, 4.38 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (6-2, 3.17 ERA) vs. Josh Walsh (4-4, 3.13 ERA)

Another series that started with a lefty, then proceeded with two right-handers. Rodarte we had already seen on his previous gig before having been traded just over a week ago. He had gotten a no-decision for four innings of 4-run ball when with the Scorpions. This would be his second start as a Baybird.

Game 1
SFB: CF Cassell – 3B D. Myers – 1B Uliasz – C Umanzor – 2B J. Cruz – LF Hawthorne – SS A. Castillo – RF Pridgeon – P Rodarte
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – LF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P del Rio

Dave Myers was nailed in the first inning when a wayward 1-2 fastball hit his bum, then committed a throwing error to put Zitzner on base in the second, but neither of the two actions led to a run. While the Raccoons didn’t get a position player to lodge a base hit anywhere the first time through (though del Rio singled…), the Bayhawks stranded runners at third base in the third (Rodarte after having also been hit by a pitch) and fourth innings (then George Hawthorne, having walked and stolen a base). Instead, Portland would score first. Hugo Salgado’s leadoff single marked the first position player to reach under his own power for the home team, and he scored on Reichardt’s 2-out double over the head of Ryan Cassell.

That wouldn’t be enough; the Bayhawks would hit three singles to begin the top 6th, starting with Myers and progressing through Justin Uliasz and Eduardo Umanzor. Jose Cruz fell to 1-2, but lined to left, narrowly missing Ramos’ glove for an RBI single to tie the score at one. Hawthorne’s RBI single gave them the lead, and Alex Castillo’s sac fly made it 3-1. Jaden Pridgeon and Rodarte made the last two outs, but let’s just say I was slightly dismayed by five straight singles after they had amassed only one base hit in the first five innings. Tim Stalker’s leadoff triple helped the Raccoons get one run back in the same inning when he scored on Salgado’s sac fly. Del Rio pitched seven *adequate* innings, then was hit for in the bottom 7th after Reichardt and Hawkins had slapped singles to reach the corners. Scheffer had grounded out poorly, but at least the go-ahead run was now also in scoring position for somebody more qualified with the stick than del Rio. Jimmy Wallace flew out to Pridgeon in shallow right, keeping Reichardt on, and Ramos’ fly to center was easily caught by Cassell as well, throwing the chance away. Prieto in the eighth retired San Fran in order, and Hennessy retired Castillo and Pridgeon in the ninth. Ben Suhay, batting .140 with six homers, pinch-hit in the #9 hole, which promoted an appearance by Anaya. It could not have gone more pear-shaped. He walked Suhay, also Cassell, then gave up an RBI double to Myers. When Ed Blair replaced him, he threw a run-scoring wild pitch. Those two runs didn’t end up mattering, but they stunk nonetheless, just like Anaya. 5-2 Bayhawks. Salgado 2-3, RBI; Reichardt 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Well, that loss… that one hurt. I mean, they all hurt. But this one was … ugh.

Game 2
SFB: CF Cassell – 3B D. Myers – 1B Uliasz – C Umanzor – 2B J. Cruz – LF Hawthorne – SS A. Castillo – RF Pridgeon – P M. Peterson
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Pat Okrasinski didn’t seem to have “it”… the Bayhawks rocked him for three hard hits right away, including doubles by Uliasz and Cruz. The former scored the game’s first run, and the second run scored on a passed ball charged to Thompson. Yup, that defense! They added two more in the second inning with an Alex Castillo homer and Pridgeon’s single, stolen base, and eventual arrival at home plate via two groundouts. In between none other than Ramos had gone yard to right to get the Coons at least on the board, but this looked like a bullpen day, and not of the blister variety. But things could still crack either way here; the bottom 2nd began with straight hits by Stalker, Jennings (triple), and Thompson, getting the Coons to a 4-3 deficit with the tying run on first base. Okrasinski was not yet removed and instead popped up – and out – on a bunt attempt. Thompson only advanced with two outs on Bob Zeltser’s infield single, then scored on Wallace’s single near the rightfield line. Zitzner grounded out, leaving things at four-all after two innings of little pitching, teams totaling 12 hits.

Okrasinski was axed in the third inning, allowing a single to Cruz, an RBI triple to Castillo, and following an intentional walk to Pridgeon, a 2-out RBI single to the opposing pitcher. Hennessy struck out Cassell to end the ****ing inning. He would face nine hitters and would strike out six of them against one single, and in between bunted Thompson over to help the Coons to a 2-out run on a Zeltser single in the bottom 4th. After whiffing Tsuneyoshi Tachibana to begin the sixth inning, he left the game with a pinch in the shoulder, which would certainly only been good things. The bullpens wobbled but didn’t fall over for a bit. This included Joe Dishon, who had almost as many walks as innings pitched, finding lots of impatient hitters in the bottom 7th. Wallace and Fernandez hit singles, but ultimately were stranded on the corners when Stalker, who was older than dirt and expected to have more ****ing patience, grounded out to strand them in what was still a 6-5 game. David Fernandez also put two on with a Micah Sears single and a Myers walk in the eighth, but the Bayhawks weren’t any better at scoring past the fourth inning, either. Bottom 8th, Jordan Caldwell offered a leadoff walk to Billy Jennings, then was yanked for the southpaw Eric Fox. The Coons countered with Reichardt hitting for Thompson, but didn’t get more than a grounder for a fielder’s choice. Rich Vickers hit for the pitcher and delivered a fly to right, where Suhay had replaced Pridgoen, moved to third base in a double switch. Suhay didn’t get to Vickers’ fly, which fell for a double; and now the top of the order was up with the tying run at third and the go-ahead run at second base! New pitcher Jay Schimek got Ramos to 0-2 before allowing a slapper to the left side that eluded Pridgeon for the score-knotting single. Zeltser delivered a sac fly to left to put Portland in the lead! And that wasn’t all – Schimek oversaw a Wallace single, and then a BOOMING 3-run homer blasted by Travis Zitzner – WHAT A RALLY!! Up by four, the Coons still went to Chris Wise, who had yet to **** up and/or pitch in a game this week. He retired the Baybirds in order. 10-6 Furballs!! Ramos 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Zeltser 2-4, 2 RBI; Wallace 3-5, RBI; Zitzner 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Jennings 1-2, 2 BB, 3B, RBI; Thompson 1-2, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1, 2B; Hennessy 2.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 6 K;

A lefty, David Fernandez, got the win, while another lefty, John Hennessy, got a DL assignment with shoulder subluxation. He was entirely expected to be back to normal after his 15-day stint expired.

The Raccoons called up Carlos de la Cruz from the Alley Cats. He had a 2.02 ERA in a swingman role.

Game 3
SFB: CF Cassell – 3B D. Myers – 1B Uliasz – C Umanzor – 2B J. Cruz – LF Hawthorne – SS A. Castillo – RF Pridgeon – P J. Walsh
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Rendon

Dave Myers left the game in the first inning after being struck in the shoulder by a 1-2 pitch; it was his third nailed-by-toss of the series. Micah Sears replaced him. He was not the last player to leave the game with an injury though; Josh Walsh pulled some thing or other on a leadoff double in the third inning, which was bad no matter how you looked at it, especially with the Baybirds already up 1-0 on Jose Cruz’ leadoff jack in the second. Right-hander Jesus Blanco was actually picked as pinch-runner with San Fran unwilling to use another bench player so early, but still handily scored on a Cassell single to make it 2-0. Uliasz walked before Umanzor ended the frame with a double play grounder. Cassell also had a hand in the game coming completely apart in the fifth inning. He singled, stole second, and scored on a Sears single. Sears also stole second – what the actual **** where we even paying Elliott Thompson for??? – and then came home on Uliasz’ homer to right-center that put the Coons in a 5-0 hole. Thompson further eroded his standing in the next inning when with Jose Cruz at third base he completely ****ed up a Rendon offering for another passed ball, his second of the week, and that run scored too, making it 6-0 already.

The Coons didn’t get on the board until the bottom 6th, which was also the fourth inning for Blanco. Ramos singled and stole second, Zeltser reached, too, and the Coons got runs on Zitzner’s groundout and Manny’s 2-out single, but it didn’t seem like nearly enough, still down by a slam after Stalker flew out to center. The final nail in the coffin was an appearance by Mauricio Garavito in the top 7th in which he faced Tachibana, Cassell, and Sears and retired none of them. One runner across, two aboard, the Critters turned to Anaya, who walked the bags full without utilizing a strike against Uliasz. Umanzor popped out before Anaya scored a run with a wild pitch (…!!). Cruz ended the inning despite no forces in play, flying out to Jennings in shallow right with Sears being sent at thrown out at home, keeping it at 8-2 at the seventh-inning stretch. That turned out to be the final score, too, despite Carlos de la Cruz making every attempt imaginable to manufacture another crooked number for the Baybirds in the last two innings… Portland had nothing going at all in the final three innings. 8-2 Bayhawks. Zeltser 2-4; de la Cruz 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 0 K;

In other news

May 22 – The Scorpions knock off the Buffaloes in a 15-1 rout, scoring nine runs in the fifth inning alone. SAC C Giovanni James (.455, 2 HR, 7 RBI) has two hits and four RBI, the latter all coming on a fifth-inning grand slam off TOP SP Joe Jones (2-5, 4.37 ERA).
May 24 – It takes ten innings to score any run in the Wolves’ eventual 1-0 road win against the Rebels. SS/3B Chris McGee (.282, 1 HR, 4 RBI) drives in Yachi Tabata with a single in the top of the 10th inning.
May 27 – Falcons utility Craig Mack (.264, 1 HR, 14 RBI) ends the game against the Loggers with a walkoff double in the 10th inning, the only run in the 1-0 Falcons win.

Complaints and stuff

That was a … mixed week. Sabre’s third career shutout matched his personal best, a 2-hitter against the Aces last July. Bernie Chavez got his ERA back under two and leads all of the ABL with his 1.96 mark, ahead of NYC Rodolfo Cervantes (2.07) and DAL Joe Perry (2.16). A Stars pitcher leading the FL in ERA? How progressive! – But all of that was in Oklahoma, when the world was still fundamentally alright.

What is it about the Bayhawks that we always look our worst against them? I don’t fancy losing season series in MAY. And we might actually have gone 0-6 if their pen hadn’t collapsed in the eighth inning on Saturday.

The eight-ball is real for Anaya and Thompson, that much is certain. Anaya can still point to a .348 BABIP behind him which is absurd given that we have a top-notch defense. Thompson has no defense at all. For five years I got raving reviews by our scout guy that Thompson was going to be The Catcher. Such great defense, and a hitter, too! Well, he’s hitting a ****ing buck and small change, and his defense this week was absolutely outrageous! And he’s not catching ANY base stealer, either! Opposing teams are running freely on him, and are 28-for-32 this year …! Midnight might come sooner than expected for Thompson, who is 24, but right now has the standing of a 35-year-old with two bad knees and the begging question “HOW many more years on his contract…?”!!

Fun Fact: 10 years ago today, Pat Sanford hit three home runs against the Raccoons… but his Condors still lost the game, 9-8.

Funnily enough that is not even the most recent instance of a guy socking a triplet off Coons tossers and somehow coming up on the short end with his team. Same thing happened to Pittsburgh’s Carlos de la Riva in ’27.

Sanford is of course still active. The Oregonian (hailing from Myrtle Point) was taken #28 in the 2017 draft by Sacramento and traded to the Condors in a deal for Steve Schwartz in 2019 that didn’t even generate attention at the time. He made his debut in ’21 and was the starting backstop for the Condors for four years before sliding backwards in his late 20s, although he did win two Gold Gloves with Tijuana in ’26 and with the Cyclones in ’30. After further stints in Pittsburgh, Dallas, and Nashville, he has arrived in Boston now.

He has never been close to a batting award or leading the league in anything offensively, and has never been an All Star, but he was at least hitting for power with clips in the low-to-mid .200s for all of his career. Overall he’s a .253 batter with 169 dingers and 736 RBI.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (29-22) @ Knights (32-19) – May 29-31, 2034

Both teams were only a sneeze out of first place in their respective divisions, so this was a crucial series. The Knights were also scalding hot, having won nine games straight. They were second in runs scored and third in runs allowed, so there was some real potential for them there. The Coons clung to the knowledge that they had won the first series of the season with the Knights, two to one.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (3-1, 1.96 ERA) vs. Armando Zaragoza (4-4, 4.76 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-2, 2.90 ERA) vs. Drew Johnson (4-3, 3.05 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-1, 2.86 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (7-4, 2.82 ERA)

We would catch their three right-handers, ditching the southpaw part of their rotation. Portland played over .600 against righties, but fought a losing battle against left-handers so far this season.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Chavez
ATL: SS Thomson – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 2B J. Johnson – C S. Garcia – 3B Maneke – LF R. Parker – CF Seago – P Zaragoza

The gap between Rich Parker and Nate Seago soaked up a Ramos triple and a Zeltser double to begin the game, with productive outs by Wallace and Zitzner getting the second run home for an early cushion, only for Bernie Chavez to lose all cohesion right out of the gate. Keith Thomson grounded out on a 3-1 pitch to begin the bottom 1st, but Adam Avakian homered, and a Roy Pincus single – 15-game hitting streak there – and walks to John Johnson and Steve Garcia loaded the bases before Chris Maneke popped out and Parker flailed out on three pitches. While that was a decidedly ho-hum start, at least the Coons carved up Zaragoza in blitzkrieg fashion. Billy Jennings followed on Tim Stalker’s leadoff walk with a 2-run homer in the second inning, and shot a 2-run double with the bases loaded in the third, an inning that had started with straight singles by the 3-4-5 batters, Manny Fernandez plating Wallace for the team’s fifth run. With the bases loaded and no outs, Zaragoza got both Chavez and Ramos out, but then walked Zeltser, forcing home the eighth run for Portland and the Knights to go to the pen. Jaden Baldwin got Jimmy Wallace to fly out to left, keeping the gap at seven runs in the middle of the third, or in other words, this was Bernie’s to lose. And he didn’t pitch the best of games – he hit Roy Pincus in the third inning, threw a wild pitch in the fourth, and was exacted revenge on by Pincus with a 2-run homer in the fifth – but he pitched adequately enough to not lift with a giant lead that kept growing when the Raccoons beat Baldwin’s skull in, too, in the fifth in another 4-run inning that began with a Thompson single and a bad bunt by Bernie, but they loaded the bases anyway before Wallace doubled in two, Zitzner singled in one, and Fernandez cashed the fourth run on a grounder. Through five, it was a 12-3 game, and the Knights had but given up. When Chris Maneke hit a leadoff double in the bottom 6th, Parker and Seago made poor outs, and with the runner on third and two outs they didn’t even bat for reliever Brad Santry. Go through the motions, just get it over with – that was the mantra at this point. At least for the home team. Portland disemboweled Santry for three in the seventh inning, with Zeltser and Wallace opening with base hits. Zitzner hit a run-scoring grounder, Vickers landed a pinch-hit RBI triple, and Jennings legged out a 2-out grounder for a single to get Vickers home, too. The Knights got two back from Bernie in the bottom 7th, although a throwing error by Jennings was involved there. That was not the last run in the game – Jennings had once more in him, chasing home Hugo Salgado (who had replaced Zitzner during the seventh-inning stretch) for the 21st and final marker on the board. 16-5 Furballs!! Ramos 2-6, 3B; Zeltser 3-5, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5, BB, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Zitzner 2-5, 3 RBI; Salgado 1-1; Stalker 2-3, 2B; Vickers (PH) 1-2, 3B, RBI; Jennings 4-5, HR, 2B, 6 RBI; Thompson 2-5;

Well, that was a statement!

I just hope they left enough runs in the bats for the next two games…

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – P Sabre
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – 2B J. Johnson – C S. Garcia – 3B Maneke – SS Thomson – RF R. Parker – CF Seago – P D. Johnson

Portland got a run in the top 1st with Ramos drawing the leadoff walk and eventually getting around to score on a Zitzner groundout, but Luis Inoa opened the Knights’ part of the swinging and knocking with a first-pitch triple off the fence. Avakian plated the runner with a groundout to tie the game, but Portland countered with three in the following half-inning. Jennings and Reichardt reached, Scheffer’s groundout gave us the lead, Sabre hit an RBI double, and Zeltser found room for a single. With runners on the corners and two outs, Jimmy Wallace snuck a ball through the middle for an RBI single, 4-1, before Zitzner flew out to Seago. The Knights shrugged it off – they just slapped Sabre for as many in the bottom of the inning. Thomson opened with a jack, and then they rapped off three doubles smacked by Parker, Inoa, and Avakian to tie the game at four. One of those games, huh?

Amazingly, neither team scored again through the sixth inning. Sabre hit a leadoff double in the fourth that also saw Ramos single, but Zeltser whiffed and Wallace hit into a double play. In the fifth the Knights got Steve Garcia on, but Maneke hit into a double play instead. Nobody reached at all in the third or sixth innings. No pitcher fell until the seventh inning, where Drew Johnson walked Zeltser to lead off, and the runner advanced on Wallace’s groundout. Zitzner was put on with intent, and then the Knights went to righty Terry Garrigan, who had his first pitch crammed into the rightfield corner for a 2-run triple by Tim Stalker, who also pulled up lame and would eventually limp off the field, but walked unassisted. Rich Vickers would replace him, taking over the part of being stranded when Jennings K’ed and Reichardt lined out to Avakian. Sabre got as many outs as Johnson, but left on better terms, ringing up Brian Eppler in the #9 hole before being removed for a southpaw to face the top of the order. David Fernandez retired the only two batters he was tasked with. Portland tacked on a run in the top 8th, with Scheffer and Manny Fernandez drawing leadoff walks from Garrigan. Nobody found a hit, but Zeltser at least hit a sac fly to left. Scheffer’s 2-out single in the ninth came off right-hander Alfredo Flores and scored Zitzner, taking off the save opportunity, so the Critters went to de la Cruz instead. The replacement reliever got Thompson to pop out, then rung up Pincus and Seago to finish the game. 8-4 Critters! Zeltser 2-3, BB, RBI; Reichardt 2-4;

Sabre was actually most productive with the bat, hitting two doubles for four total bases – most of any Critter! – but his pitching was… hmm!!

Oh well, a win is a win is a win.

How about clinching the season series on Wednesday, May 31? Could console me over the one lost to the Baybirds! Any win had to come without Tim Stalker though, who was ruled out for at least this game, and maybe would not be ready to play by Friday, either.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Vickers – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – P del Rio
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – 2B J. Johnson – C S. Garcia – 3B Maneke – SS Thomson – RF R. Parker – CF Seago – P Inderrieden

Berto’s 20th base and Zitzner’s single were all ingredients in a first-inning Ramos Special to take another 1-0 lead. Ramos stole another base in the third inning, but then was left on; only Inderrieden was not left on the mound – he departed with an injury after the top of the third. It was still 1-0 in the fifth when Berto reached for the third time on a 1-out walk drawn from Justin Osterloh. This time however there was no way to steal for him; he was following a del Rio single to center. Zeltser’s grounder was intercepted behind second base by John Johnson. There was no turning two on Berto here, but there was also no throwing out Zeltser for Johnson, who found himself with the ball, but facing the wrong way and on his belly. The bases were loaded for Wallace … he slapped a 2-2 pitch in a soft line to the right side, Johnson lunged and almost reached it, but only made contact with the edge of his glove, serving the Coons’ purpose in deflecting the ball away slightly from Rich Parker, allowing Berto to score from second base on the play, 3-0! Travis Zitzner’s single to right-center restocked the bases for Manny, who hit a duck snort for an RBI single to shallow center. Vickers’ groundout made it 5-0 before Reichardt popped out against new pitcher Eric McKee.

While del Rio held on fine and allowed only three hits in unspectacular fashion through five innings – the Knights reached third base only once – the Coons suffered another injury in the sixth when Philip Scheffer contracted an abdominal injury after slamming his well-stuffed tummy into second base on a leadoff double. Thompson ran for him and scored on del Rio and Zeltser singles. Wallace walked, Zitzner hit a sac fly, it was 7-0 after the top 6th, although the mounting injuries were a concern. Another run was tacked on via a Ramos sac fly after McKee had stuffed the bags with the 6-7-8 batters to begin the seventh. Del Rio’s ledger was clean as a whistle through seventh. Seago opened the eighth with an infield single, but was then doubled off on Eppler’s grounder to third base on del Rio’s 88th pitch. Inoa grounded out to Vickers to complete the frame. On to the bottom 9th, where Avakian grounded out the same way in a full count, but Drew Johnson hit a double to center, only the Knights’ fifth hit in the game. Garcia popped out, putting the Coons one out short of a sweep, but only lefty bats were to come up now for del Rio on 107 pitches. He’d get at least a chance or two to finish his business here. Maneke swiped at the first pitch, high bouncer to second base, Vickers over, the fling to first base – hits the runner, ball bounces away, and Johnson comes around to score… noooo!! That went down as a stupid throwing error, meaning no earned runs on del Rio, who got Thomson to pop out and got all the handshakes and pats on the bum, but no shutout. 8-1 Coons! Ramos 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Zeltser 2-5, RBI; Wallace 2-5, 2 RBI; Zitzner 3-4, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1; del Rio 9.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (6-1) and 2-5;

Routing the Knights by 20 runs total was all the fun, but I still had concern due to two injured position players. We knew on Thursday that Tim Stalker would miss at least the Friday game in Elk City. Scheffer was listed as day-to-day for the entire weekend and maybe longer than that, but was available in a pinch. I was not comfortable with having the backup catcher only available in a pinch, though, and so poured over quite a few possibilities with head scout … Menendez… or Melendez… or Bob, I don’t know… on Thursday in Portland.

Eventually a roster move was made. Carlos de la Cruz was sent back to AAA. Now, the schedule played into our paws here. Due to off days both before and after the Elks series, we only needed four starters until next weekend. Thus, Okrasinski would be skipped in the rotation and added to the pen for the series, but there was an option to have him pitch on Tuesday next week. Okrasinski had not pitched in relief since his rookie season in ’24.

Instead we called up a third catcher, but didn’t go to Tony Morales (.216/.326/.378, 1 HR, 6 RBI in 11 AAA games) quite yet. David Tinnin, who was on the 40-man roster anyway, got the nod. Adding Morales also would have filled the 40-man to the brim.

Raccoons (32-22) @ Canadiens (16-35) – June 2-4, 2034

The screaming awful Elks were so screaming awful that they were a great danger to the Raccoons. The worse they played, the more they tended to screw us over. Never mind them sitting in the bottom three in both runs scored and runs conceded. They had us just where they wanted us …! Oh, and they had also swept the Condors midweek. The Condors! The season series stood at 4-2 in Portland’s favor.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (6-3, 3.70 ERA) vs. Denny Marsh (2-5, 3.26 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (4-1, 2.43 ERA) vs. Geoff Swayze (2-7, 5.01 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-2, 3.17 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (4-5, 2.56 ERA)

Right, left, left. Corcoran was not a nut the Raccoons were routinely cracking…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – RF Jennings – 2B Vickers – C Thompson – P Rendon
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Barrios – SS B. Gonzales – CF Creech – P Marsh

It took six pitches to score Alberto Ramos at the start of the game, and four of those alone to walk him in the first place. He stole second on the first offering to Bob Zeltser, reached third base on Toby Ross’ errant throw, then came home on the 1-0, a wild pitch well over Ross’ head. Unfortunately the damn Elks would have their natural born pest ready and loaded; Dusty Mezzanotte hit a 1-out double in the bottom 1st, advanced on the equally revolting Jesse LeJeune’s single, and scored on Ross’ sac fly to tie the game at one. Gilberto Rendon knew what to do. The only sensible thing to do was to throw a 3-2 fastball right into Mezzanotte’s kisser the next time around. Mezzanotte twisted away at the last moment, was hit in the shoulder, the carom struck him in the helmet anyway, he also knocked himself with the bat, then fell down and also twisted his wrist between his bat and body on the ground. He had to come out with whatever injuries they would eventually diagnose him with – Tomas Caraballo took over for him. The inning ended with LeJeune grounding out to Vickers, leaving the Coons up 2-1 from another unearned run in the second inning. An Edgar Barrios error had put on Jennings, and ultimately the run had scored on Rendon’s RBI single.

Pretty soon it was a rather typical game in ****ing Elk City though. Toby Ross tied the score with a leadoff jack in the fourth, and then the damn Elks went single, walk, single on Rendon, who conceded one run on a wild pitch (…!) and another on Marsh’s groundout. The Coons stranded runners on the corners in the fifth, and Rendon was knocked out on three straight singles to begin the bottom 6th. Garavito got out of that inning and when Marsh walked both Zeltser and Wallace with two outs in the seventh, Zitzner pulled a Typical Travis and popped out in foul ground next to first base…

Next inning, next fat chance. 1-out singles by Jennings and Salgado, the latter pinch-hitting for Prieto in the #7 hole, brought up the tying run in … ugh, Thompson. There was some rally in that catcher falling from grace though, and Elliott slapped an RBI single to right. Tom Hawkins was ensconced in the #9 slot after an earlier double switch and could ill be hit for. He clonked a grounder into an inning-ending double play. Ramos flew out to Nick Carpenter in centerfield to begin the ninth against Dusty Kulp, but Zeltser singled, at least bringing the tying run back to the plate. Wallace singled to center, keeping the line moving and bringing up 0-for-4 Travis Zitzner, who struck out on three pitches. Last ditch efforts would be delivered by Manny Fernandez, who poked the 0-2 into play, but was casually retired nonetheless. 5-3 Canadiens. Zeltser 2-3, 2 BB; Wallace 2-3, 2 BB; Salgado (PH) 1-1; Thompson 2-3, BB, RBI;

Typical Elk City **** game.

Zeltser and Wallace were on base a total of EIGHT times. Zitzner stranded as many, and neither of them ever scored.

I will never again acquire a player named Travis. That name just brings bad luck. We shall henceforth call him “Bad Luck Travis”. (angrily makes notes while crying and rocking back and forth on his couch at home, with Honeypaws in his lap)

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Salgado – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Tinnin – P Chavez
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Barrios – SS B. Gonzales – CF Creech – P Corcoran

Mezzanotte was day-to-day and bruised all over, but in the lineup and probably twice as angry. He didn’t get on base early on, but the damn Elks still held an early lead on a Will Korecky homer, a solo shot in the bottom 2nd. The Coons stranded a flurry of runners again, one each in the first two innings, then a full set when Salgado struck out in the third. Bad Luck Travis had drawn a walk with first base open ahead of him.

No other offense occurred through five and until Salgado and Reichardt reached with two outs in the sixth, but then Hawkins popped out. Things got more stupid in the seventh, where ****ing David Tinnin drew a leadoff walk only to be doubled off on a horrendous bunt by Chavez. Ramos singled and reached second base when Korecky overran the ball in rightfield, but was stranded with Stalker’s groundout to short. Gabe Creech responded with a 2-out solo homer in the bottom of the inning. Bernie went eight on 95 pitches without getting ANY sort of help (not that he helped his team at the plate…), and then it was Dusty Kulp in the ninth, facing the 6-7-8 batters. Reichardt struck out. Zeltser batted for Hawkins and popped out. Fernandez batted for Tinnin and grounded out. 2-0 Canadiens. Chavez 8.0 IP, 9 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 3 K, L (4-2);

(sits there silently on the couch with wet cheeks and hanging whiskers)

Game 3
POR: SS Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – RF Salgado – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Thompson – P Sabre
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – SS B. Gonzales – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Barrios – 1B T. Caraballo – CF Creech – P Swayze

Ross doubled, Barrios singled, and the damn Elks were up 1-0 again in the second inning, while the stupid Critters, that had routed the living heck out of the Knights, couldn’t get any damn old ball to fall in at all. Instead in the bottom 3rd with two outs and nobody on the top three batters in the damn Elks’ lineup all reached base with two strikes each. Robinson and Gonzales walked, LeJeune hit an RBI single, 2-0. Ross then grounded out to Zeltser. So far, so horrendous.

On to the fourth, where Swayze – wildly not a successful pitcher by any measure – issued a leadoff walk to Manny Fernandez, who stole second. Zitzner also walked, putting the tying runs on base. Salgado hit a fly in the right-center gap that narrowly eluded Creech for an RBI double. “Pounce!”, I yelled while jumping up and down on the couch with Honeypaws bouncing around on the other cushion. “Pounce!!” – The runners came home on a Reichardt groundout and a Hawkins single, giving Portland a 3-2 lead in this fourth frame. Hawkins swiped second on a flailing attempt by Thompson to meet a hit-and-run call, then advanced further on a wild pitch. He scored when Thompson eventually landed a single to rightfield on a 3-2 pitch. Here, Sabre struggled to get the bunt down, but Swayze also had trouble finding his catcher’s glove. Another wild pitch moved Thompson to scoring position and the bunt was taken off with the .385 hitter Sabre, who ended up singling in a full count, presenting runners on the corners with one out for Zeltser. His groundout to Barrios plated the Critters catcher for the fifth and final run of the inning. Now Sabre just had to pounce from the mound. His fourth was quick and precise, but the Coons left Manny Fernandez on base after a leadoff triple in the fifth, which made my heart sink again. Don’t let go …! Pounce! Pounce!!

Swayze conceded a leadoff single to Sabre in the sixth. Zeltser singled, Stalker walked, three on, no outs. C’mon boys! Finish them!! They didn’t bloody quite. Sabre scored on a Fernandez sac fly, Zeltser was picked off second base by Swayze, Zitzner singled, but Salgado flew out to Creech to strand a pair in a 6-2 game. And four runs was very often plenty, but this was damn Elk City… I screamed like a girl when Bobby Gonzales opened the bottom 6th with a single, but he was then doubled off by LeJeune. Reichardt hit a solo homer in the top 7th, but Caraballo hit a shot with Barrios on first in the bottom of the same inning, cutting the lead to 7-4. Sabre rung up Creech then departed with seven outs missing when lefty batter Nick Carpenter appeared in the #9 hole. He singled off Garavito anyway… D.J. Robinson popped out to end the inning. After an uneventful eighth, Ramos singled in Salgado’s place to lead off the ninth against Howard Haws. Despite his best ambitions, he didn’t get a chance to steal his 23rd base. Reichardt popped out fast, and then Tom Hawkins cracked a homer to left. Despite the save opportunity gone again, Chris Wise got the ninth, not having worked all week long. He finished Elkland on 12 pitches with a walk to Barrios and a strikeout. 9-4 Coons. Salgado 2-4, 2B, RBI; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Hawkins 2-4, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Thompson 2-4, BB, RBI;

Again Sabre’s bat got us more than his arm, so maybe he can play some first base down the line…

In other news

May 29 – For a rarity, especially on a reduced-slate Monday, two teams score 16 runs each as the Raccoons clobber the Knights 16-5, and the Thunder put down the Crusaders in 16-9 fashion.
June 1 – BOS SP Dustin Wingo (4-3, 2.47 ERA) is out for the season with a torn rotator cuff.
June 2 – New York OF Juan Camps (.247, 0 HR, 11 RBI) is lost for the remainder of the season with a broken kneecap.
June 4 – CHA C Ernesto Huichapa (.286, 11 HR, 39 RBI) goes 5-for-8 with a homer and 3 RBI against the Thunder, but it is not enough as the Falcons fall in 7-6 fashion in 17 innings.

Complaints and stuff

I will have to lobby our congressman for the U.S. to invade Canada. They don’t have to do a whole lot up there; flattening ****ing ELK CITY to the ground would be damn fine enough… Maud? – Maud!? – Who is our congressman?

But first I have to address that when the Agitator reported that Ignacio del Rio eats kittens on his sandwich, that is certainly false. I haven’t seen a live kitten in the park ever since he’s come here. Uhm. He *is* a troublemaker. According to bench coach Erik Mango (sic!) he’s a lazy, dumb, disloyal, greedy bastard. Yes, Erik, I know all that, but he also has a 2.52 ERA and we try to keep pace with those pesky Titans. We need *pitchers* and he’s damn fine palatable as a pitcher! I’ll put up with the odd kitten carcass or two stashed away in the locker room in exchange for wins.

Add Chavez’ 2.41 mark and the 3.38 by Sabre, who won twice despite being flogged as often, and that vaunted triplet of young pitchers isn’t doing all that poorly. Their combined record is 16-5 at this point, reversing their combined sub-.500 mark at the start of the season. They are now nine games over .500 as a group: 78-69. And that is before any of them reaches age 26. Sabre will be the first to do so in August. It will totally only get better from here!

Speaking of better, Darren Brown has a 1.86 ERA in St. Pete. His mother calls at least twice a week asking when they can expect him to return to Portland to pitch to the home crowd so the entire Brown clan can fly up from Glen Rose, Texas. I hear Glen Rose, Texas is mostly just the Brown clan.

Regarding injured relievers, John Hennessy should come back next Sunday if I can count straight, and Nick Bates might start rehab in AAA at some point next week, too.

Fun Fact: Alberto Ramos ranks eighth in OPS amongst all Raccoons batters with at least 1,000 at-bats for Portland.

And there are some good ones he’s squeezing out. Here’s the top 10:

1st – Royce Green (1994-1997) – .924
2nd – Ron Alston (2008-2010) – .884
3rd – Hugo Mendoza (2017-2022) – .883
4th – David Brewer (1995-1997) – .874
5th – Tetsu Osanai (1985-1993) – .857
6th – Kevin Harenberg (2026-2030) – .823
7th – Al Martin (1999-2005) – .807
8th – Alberto Ramos (2025-2034) – .805
9th – Adrian Quebell (2005-2014) – .805
10th – Daniel Hall (1978-1994) – .804

Neil Reece and Vern Kinnear are just behind Dan the Man. In 13th place, ahead of Rich Hereford and Mike Bednarski? “Bad Luck” Travis! … the top 20 are then completed by Jon Gonzalez, Ron Richards, Edgardo Torrez, Vic Flores (the last three all with less than 1,100 AB), and Luke “Duke Smack” Black.

Legendary money sinkhole R.J. DeWeese clocks in 28th. Three spots behind him is Jimmy Wallace. Tim Stalker is 51st, one spot ahead of Matt Nunley. All in all, 81 position players (and two pitchers that rank behind everybody else but not as far behind some position players as one might think) reached 1,000 at-bats for the Critters.

[Westheim]

2034 DRAFT POOL ANALYSIS

I will make this one real quick because we’ll host the Indians starting on Tuesday and I have to feel Philip Scheffer’s pulse and see whether he can play again and whether we can exchange that third catcher for a seventh reliever, but the draft pool has been dissected. (In actual terms, I have to finish a presentation and accompanying texts and tables for the oral exam to complete the accounting degree I’ve gone after for the last 2+ years, and are struggling more with Power Point than the goddamn Elks right now, but there should be the odd update or two come out in the next few days…)

102 players have been shortlisted for the upcoming draft bonanza, and of course there is also a hotlist to be burned by (* indicates HS player):

SP Chris Watson (13/13/14) * - BNN #6
SP David Farris (14/12/9) – BNN #10
SP Lazaro Cavazos (12/14/12) * - BNN #3
SP Ryan Person (13/11/8) * - BNN #8

CL Chris Manley (20/13/7)

C/1B John Hill (15/9/11) * - BNN #2
C Jorge Santa Cruz (10/13/13) – BNN #9

3B/2B/RF Jared Paul (14/13/9) *
INF Jon Caskey (10/11/11)

LF/RF/2B/3B Mike Preble (11/13/9)
OF Mike Hall (14/7/10) – BNN #1
OF/1B/2B Bob Mancini (11/13/14) * - BNN #4

Neither of those two catchers is a defensive revelation, nor is Jared Paul. He can whack the damn ball, though. I can see myself chanting “Whack that ball, Paul!” for the next 20 years…

Person is an interesting one because his high school stats are amazing (0.27 FIP for what it is worth), but there is also the question of whether he can develop three good pitches. He has a fastball, sinker, and a dodgy curveball in the sense that the catcher’s on his knees, but you have to dodge that damn thing as it makes a beeline for your head.

The Raccoons will get the #17 and #20 picks in the first round and what looks like the #33 compensation pick before selecting 17th again in every round thereafter.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (33-24) vs. Indians (28-26) – June 6-8, 2034

Finally beating the Indians would be a good strategy for the Critters going forwards. We had taken three out of four in the first set of the year, but had lost the prior two season series. They were second from the bottom in runs scored but were tight with giving up runs themselves, and sported the best rotation by ERA, a crisp 2.94 mark that nevertheless saw the team just barely over .500 and with a -18 run differential that in itself hinted at problems…

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (5-3, 4.03 ERA) vs. Jose Lerma (7-2, 2.71 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (6-1, 2.52 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (2-4, 2.95 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (6-4, 4.08 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (5-4, 2.89 ERA)

They’d be leading off with their only southpaw, “Cobra” Lerma.

Portland sent David Tinnin back to AAA with Philip Scheffer good to go after the common off day on Monday. That freed up the spot of the seventh reliever that we had played without on the weekend. Nominally Hennessy’s spot, we didn’t feel an urge for a third left-hander (which may have promoted Jason Gurney at least until Sunday, brrr) since the Indians’ batting corps was mostly right-handed. In fact, the only left-handed batter they carted to Portland was Tom Schorsch, and he was hitting .214; two southpaws in David Fernandez and Mauricio Garavito would already be plenty. We thus called up Darren Brown, but would not give him a start. I wanted to see him take on some major-league hitters, but not a full game’s worth of them. Maybe a 2-inning stint could be arranged somewhere. At this point his major-league totals involved a ghastly 7.06 ERA with an 0-4 record. He arrived on three days’ rest after his last start and thus would not be used on Tuesday anyway.

Game 1
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – 3B P. Green – SS Benito – P Lerma
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski

When Philip Scheffer popped out for the second retirement in the bottom of the fifth inning, a full-frontal pitching duel had been raging for barely more than 75 minutes. Both teams had dropped in a few singles, both had even gotten a 2-out double at some point – Hawkins for Portland in the bottom 2nd, Dustin Acor for Indy in the half-inning after that – but nobody had scored or even reached third base. Okrasinski was assumed to make the final out in the fifth to keep a clean scoreboard, but hit a dinker into shallow right for the Critters’ fifth base knock of the game. Up came Berto and took a ball into the leftfield corner, where a wicked bounce cost the adept Acor some valuable time in playing it. Berto had a double, and Okrasinski was waved around third base to score. The Indians tried to get him, couldn’t, the run counted, and Berto worked his way up to third base. Tim Stalker walked, but Hugo Salgado would make the final out of the inning, now in a 1-0 game.

Okrasinski held on to that, but expended all his energy in seven innings, totaling 108 pitches including a chewy seventh that began with a full-count walk to Juan Herrera, who never moved off first base while Okrasinski wore through Mike Plunkett, Matt Barber, and Pat Green. Lerma allowed a blooper to Tom Hawkins to begin the bottom 7th. Scheffer whiffed, the fifth K for the Cobra, but Rich Vickers, batting in the #9 hole instead of Okrasinski, didn’t. He crashed a fastball over the fence for a 2-run homer! Lerma, looking equal amounts shocked and annoyed, would continue to allow a single to Ramos before getting Stalker to hit into his second double play of the game, winning the veteran second baseman two innings on the bench in favor of keeping Vickers in the game. Ed Blair pitched from the #2 slot in the lineup and put Juan Benito and Acor on with singles, but crucially Lerma was not hit for and instead struck out bunting. The Indians could at least have had runners on the corners with a good bunt, and in any case no force at third base; instead Benito was only at second base, and when Dan Schneller spanked a bouncer right towards Tom Hawkins’ abdomen, Hawkins casually tapped the base and threw to first for a 5-3 double play to end the inning. Chris Wise in the ninth also insisted on inviting the tying run to the plate, packing two strikeouts in between a John Baron single and a clueless walk to Barber. Pat Green lined out to Ramos, ending the game before it could get really ugly. 3-0 Critters. Ramos 3-4, 2B, RBI; Hawkins 2-3, 2B; Vickers (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI; Okrasinski 7.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 6 K, W (6-3) and 1-2;

That affair took a crisp 2:26. I like wins under two and a half hours; usually means the other team didn’t do a lot of harm to our hurlers.

No Govea on Wednesday; the Indians went straight to Bressner, not that this led to a significant difference in the stinginess of the pitcher on offer.

Game 2
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – 3B P. Green – C Kuhlmann – SS Benito – P Bressner
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P del Rio

In a notable turnaround, del Rio was torched for double, single, RBI single, RBI single, all on loud line drives, within 18 pitches by the top four of the Indians’ lineup when play began on Wednesday. Barber hit into a double play and Green flew out to Manny Fernandez, but from the get-go this looked like possible Darren Brown trials by the middle innings. Del Rio wasn’t fooling anybody. While Ramos’ leadoff triple and Zeltser’s groundout in the bottom 1st put a run on the board for Portland, del Rio continued to fail on all accounts, allowing a 1-out single to Juan Benito in the top 2nd before throwing away Bressner’s bunt for two bases. Acor hit an RBI single, 3-1, before Schneller struck out flailing and Baron popped out, but I was blaming over-eagerness more than del Rio’s stuff at this point, the latter being obviously absent. He faced four batters with two strikes in the third inning and retired none of them with a third strike. Instead they walked (Plunkett, Morgan Kuhlmann, Benito) or flew out to center (Barber). With three on and two outs, Bressner hit a 2-out single to left, and that was the end for del Rio. Anaya replaced him and poured plenty of gasoline on the flames licking Raccoons Ballpark, with a gap double to Acor for two runs, and a wallbanger double served up to Schneller to make it 8-1 before Baron flew out to Fernandez, somehow.

And that was basically the game. Darren Brown came on for the fourth, with Plunkett drumming his first pitch for a double. The next one was wild, moving the runner to third. Barber ended up whiffing, but the run scored on a Pat Green grounder, 9-1, while I was busy making up lame excuses to Nick Valdes who would definitely send a threatening mail after this drubbing. Brown pitched two innings without being skinned, which had to count as progress after the early innings. Never mind that the Coons didn’t get another base hit after the Ramos triple until the bottom of the fifth. Nope, it was a rout and could not reasonably be called by any other name, despite the Arrowheads not scoring again after Brown waved Plunkett across in the fourth. Brown in the fifth, David Fernandez for two innings, Prieto, and Garavito lined up the most pointless five scoreless innings to finish a game. The Raccoons were 4-hit by Bressner, who pitched a complete game on 93 pitches. 9-1 Indians. Ramos 2-4, 3B; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K;

That shambles appearance was the end for Victor Anaya (5.32 ERA), who was sent packing and dispatched to St. Petersburg. Carlos de la Cruz was recalled in his stead.

Game 3
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – 3B P. Green – SS Benito – P Govea
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Rendon

The Raccoons showed great propensity to ground out to Dan Schneller in this game, doing so five times in the first three frames. Tim Stalker hit a 2-out double; nobody else did do anything much. Schneller also landed the Indians’ first knock, a leadoff single in the fourth. Rendon struck out Baron and Herrera, but Mike Plunkett doubled down the line in left, with the Indians not thinking twice about sending Schneller around against Jimmy Wallace, the duddest of fielders. The run easily scored, and another one followed soon on a Barber RBI single, putting Indy up 2-0. That remained the score through five with the Coons more or less effortlessly removed by Govea.

Bottom 6th, Ramos drew a leadoff walk on four pitches, which always seems like that big door-kicking gateway to offensive greatness. Bob Zeltser singled up the middle, narrowly missing Schneller’s glove, and Ramos went to third base, where he jammed his thumb on the slide and had to be removed from the game for X-rays, while I complained to Maud about blurry vision after this incident, and ignored Cristiano Carmona’s quip of whether that had anything to do with the Capt’n Coma bottle that had lost half its volume since the start of the game. Stalker moved to short and Vickers entered the game at second base, batting leadoff, but more importantly the Coons had the tying runs on the corners and nobody out quite yet. Wallace chucked an RBI single over Schneller’s head, 2-1, and Travis Zitzner tied the game with a full-count offering gently rolled through between Benito and Green. A Manny Fernandez single loaded the bases – still nobody out! As Govea imploded, all those runners scored; first on a 2-run double by Tim Stalker, giving Portland the lead to the roar of the crowd, after which Jennings popped out and Thompson walked. Rendon, with three on and one down, hit a sac fly to Acor. Vickers came to bat in the same inning he replaced the fallen Berto and cracked the game wide open with a 2-run triple! Reliever Arturo Arellano would walk Zeltser before Wallace grounded out to Schneller to leave two aboard, but a 7-run riot had washed away Govea and the Indians’ lead.

The Coons got another inning from Rendon, who then retired after 104 pitches in seven innings of 2-run ball. He had allowed only one hit outside the bedeviled fourth. Manny Fernandez created a run out of precious little in the bottom 7th, singling to center and stealing bases on consecutive pitches to Tim Stalker, who then hit a sac fly to plate him. Prieto and Blair kept the Indians away in the last two innings. 8-2 Coons. Ramos 0-1, 2 BB; Vickers 1-2, 3B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4; Stalker 2-3, 2 2B, 3 RBI; Rendon 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (7-4);

Raccoons (35-25) vs. Capitals (36-25) – June 9-11, 2034

The Caps had won four in a row and hoped for more in Portland. They ranked third in runs scored, but lacked stingy pitching, and especially a bullpen to keep their ambitions together. They sat eighth in runs allowed in the Federal League, with the second-worst bullpen that clocked in at a 4.41 ERA. We last saw Washington in the 2030 season when we swept them, ending a string of four consecutive series losses to them.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (4-2, 2.41 ERA) vs. Johnny Nelson (3-6, 6.21 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (6-2, 3.38 ERA) vs. Michael Frank (8-3, 2.59 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (6-3, 3.61 ERA) vs. Jimmy Souders (4-3, 5.13 ERA)

We were going to get their two troubled starters, too, plus the left-handed Frank, AND we got sort-of-good news from Dr. Chung who reported that Berto’s claw had not fallen out after all and that he was day-to-day for two or three days. The Raccoons would cope as good as possible and try to survive a few games without him in the leadoff spot.

Game 1
WAS: 2B E. Trevino – CF Adkins – LF Winborn – 3B Falzone – 1B Fowlkes – SS Crabb – C Came – RF Ferrero – P J. Nelson
POR: 3B Zeltser – SS Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Vickers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Chavez

Bernie struck out three the first time through, including ex-Coon Noel Ferrero, but allowed a run on a 2-out rally in the first inning. Kelvin Winborn singled, moved up on a walk to Rich Falzone, and scored on Pat Fowlkes’ single. The Raccoons were initially very good at getting one Critter aboard each inning and leaving him at second base after some indifferent actions or others. The fourth inning then became Manny Fernandez’ – he held Chavez together in the top of the frame with a strong catch on a deep Ferrero drive that stranded two runners, then hit a game-tying RBI double to deep center himself to maneuver Jimmy Wallace around to score and also shoving Vickers to third base, all with one out. Nelson got to 0-2 on Adrian Reichardt, but his attempt at strike three with high heat became mere heat down the middle and Reichardt had been around too long to miss that one. He hit the ball 362 feet and over the fence in leftfield, giving Portland a 4-1 advantage!

In a noted quirk, Chavez threw three pitches for three outs in the fifth, then got drawn out for almost 30 the following inning. Kelvin Winborn opened with a homer to right, 4-2, and Falzone walked. That runner was on second base when Chris Came came into contact with a lousy breaking pitch that he knocked for a 2-out RBI single, and then Ferrero came near another base hit but was retired on a splendid play by Zeltser. Both pitchers ended up being lifted after six innings, with Jennings popping out in Chavez’ place to end the bottom 6th with Reichardt stranded on first base. Nelson’s spot led off the seventh and PH Jonathan Rivera appeared there. Ed Blair allowed the tying run on base with a single, and departed with Rivera on second and two outs to have Garavito face Winborn, a lefty batter. Washington countered with right-handed pinch-hitter Nando Maiello, who was a mere shadow of his long-gone greatness, batting .179 in limited action. Garavito walked him anyway, but at least got Falzone to roll over to Vickers to end the inning. Maiello then threw out Wallace trying to go first-to-third on Travis Zitzner’s 2-out single in the bottom 7th. The Coons then dragged de la Cruz out of the woodwork for the eighth inning in a 4-3 game, which sounded dicey, then got dicey with Pat Fowlkes’ leadoff single. Adam Crabb popped out, though, and then Came spanked a ball to Zitzner who started a 3-6 double play with Fowlkes tagged out at second base. Whatever works, boys! Whatever works! Nothing transpired in the bottom 8th at all, putting Wise on the mound with no cushion, an ERA still over four, and an ex-Coon leading off the ninth. Ferrero grounded out before Wise nailed PH Kevin Clark and Enrique Trevino reached on a bloop single that even Manny Fernandez rather than Wallace in leftfield couldn’t reach. Adkins popped out, leaving things to Maiello with two outs. He grounded a 1-2 pitch at Vickers, and that became the final out. 4-3 Coons. Stalker 2-4; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B, RBI; Reichardt 2-4, HR, 3 RBI;

That was tight! But the reward was sweet; the Titans lost to the Gold Sox after already dropping three of four to the damn Elks. The Raccoons thus took over first place by half a game!

First place, baby!!

Game 2
WAS: SS Crabb – CF Adkins – C N. Evans – 3B Falzone – 1B Fowlkes – 2B Jon. Rivera – LF K. Clark – RF Ferrero – P Frank
POR: 3B Zeltser – SS Stalker – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – LF M. Fernandez – 2B Vickers – C Scheffer – P Sabre

Sabre began the day behind each of the first four batters, resulting in a walk to Crabb, a Nate Evans single, and ultimately a Falzone sac fly for an early Caps lead. After some good yelling-at by the pitching coach, Sabre rung up Fowlkes to end the first inning. Portland didn’t do too much early on, safe for a Hugo Salgado single and him being caught stealing, but Scheffer drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 3rd to put the tying run on base. Sabre bunted him to second and he scored on Zeltser’s double in the right-center gap. Stalker singled home Zeltser to take the lead, then scored on a 2-out single by Zitzner to make it 3-1 after three innings, with Reichardt grounding out to Crabb to leave Zitz on base.

Portland immediately fell apart in the fourth. Sabre threw away Evans’ grounder for a 2-base error to begin the frame. Falzone singled him around immediately to cut the gap to 3-2, and then Fowlkes reached on an infield single that Vickers couldn’t dig out. Rivera hit into a 5-4-3 double play and Clark grounded out, but no lead appeared safe right now. Ferrero’s leadoff single in the fifth led the Caps nowhere in particular, but Sabre looked highly unconvincing. He retired Evans, Falzone, Fowlkes in order in the sixth, but had been behind in the count to all of them. Come the seventh, Rivera flew out to Salgado at the fence on a 1-2 pitch, Clark popped out, and Ferrero grounded out to Zeltser. That put Sabre at 105 pitches and out of the game, especially with his spot coming up in the bottom 7th. Wallace batted for him after Scheffer drew a leadoff walk from Michael Frank. Jimmy flew out on the first pitch before a passed ball charged to Evans moved Scheffer to second base….. and then a wild pitch was charged to Frank when the 1-2 went past Evans as well. Those two mistakes allowed Zeltser to get his catcher across with a sac fly to Travis Adkins, scoring a potentially crucial insurance run. Up 4-2, the ball went to Antonio Prieto for the eighth. Maiello flicked a leadoff single from the #9 hole, then stole second base. Crabb and Adkins both popped out, but the latter did so in shallow right, and Salgado had to make a tumbling grab. He tumbled bad enough to remain on the ground after lobbing the ball to Vickers, and after an inquiry by a visibly annoyed Dr. Chung, grumpy over these wimpy players and their constant aches and pains, Salgado was eventually removed from the game. Billy Jennings took over, reducing the Critters’ bench to Thompson, who had caught three days in a row, Hawkins, and the sore-pawed Ramos. Two pitches later, Evans also singled to center, putting the tying runs on the corners for Falzone. David Fernandez got the assignment – and got a grounder to Vickers for the third out. Portland would not get past a Reichardt single in their half of the eighth, putting Chris Wise against the 5-6-7 batters. He ran full counts against both Fowlkes and Clark and prevailed to strike out both of them. Since Rivera had popped out in between, the latter K ended the game. 4-2 Critters! Stalker 3-4, RBI; Salgado 2-4; Reichardt 2-4; Scheffer 0-1, 2 BB; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (7-2);

Good news: the Titans lost and we were assured first place through the end of the weekend.

Bad news: Salgado had a broken rib and had to go on the DL for about six weeks. More roster moves! The Raccoons activated John Hennessy from the DL, sent Carlos de la Cruz back to AAA, and called up an outfielder instead.

On one hand, Bobby Houston’s .773 OPS in AAA asked for a promotion to the majors, but the 25-year-old would leave us with four left-handed outfielders (all but Reichardt) and Billy Jennings already saw little playing time, and Houston was out of options and could not be returned without offering him up on waivers. Ed Hooge still had an option, but was also left-handed, and was batting … uninspired. In the end, the nod went out to Sean Catella, the 29-year-old switch-hitting nothing player that bad teams were stuffed with. At least he was a super utility…

Game 3
WAS: 2B E. Trevino – SS Crabb – LF Winborn – C N. Evans – 1B Fowlkes – CF K. Clark – 3B Jon. Rivera – RF Maiello – P Souders
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Vickers – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Okrasinski registered three pop outs on the infield in the first inning… at least when he wasn’t serving up extra-base hits galore. Enrique Trevino hit a single, Kelvin Winborn homered, and Pat Fowlkes launched a double to the base of the fence and was stranded in a quick 2-0 lead-grabbing frame for Washington. At least the Coons got even in the bottom of the inning with a Zeltser single and a Zitzner homer to left. The Capitals put the next “2” on Okrasinski right away. Leadoff single Rivera, walk on four pitches to Maiello, a bunt, a groundout, and a 2-out single made it 4-2 in the second. He settled in a bit after that, but the pattern remained – he was either really good or really bad, with hardly anything in between.

The Furballs didn’t react to the new deficit until the fourth when Elliott Thompson hit a 2-out solo homer to cut the gap in half, and then Okrasinski dropped in a single. Berto, who had missed two games with the sore claw, walked, and Zeltser dropped an RBI single to tie the score at four before Wallace grounded out to short. But the fourth was the last inning Okrasinski finished, loading the bases with a single and two walks in the top 5th. Ed Blair was used with two outs to coax a fly to right from Rivera, stranding the runners and keeping the game tied. Blair got in line for a W when Manny Fernandez walked, stole second, and scored on Jennings’ 2-out single in the bottom of the inning, then gave up leadoff walks to Maiello (…!) and PH Rich Falzone to begin the sixth. Trevino flew out, Crabb hit into a double play to strand the tying run at third base, and I needed a glass of water, and with that I meant a bottle of booze. Come the seventh, John Hennessy couldn’t get ahead of anybody, either. Winborn singled, Evans homered, and that one flipped the score, 6-5 Washington.

Bottom 7th, Portland got back into a tie with a 2-out rally off Tommy Weintraub, a 39-year-old righty and former starter, as well as Federal League Pitcher of the Year, 11 seasons removed. After whiffing Wallace and Zitzner to suck more will to live out of me, he allowed straight singles to Manny, Vick, and Jennings to tie the score, then walked Thompson to fill the bases. That knocked out Darren Brown, who had gotten the last out in the top 7th and had been supposed to pitch longer, but with three on and two outs in a 6-6 game he was yanked without thinking. Reichardt batted for him, and grounded out to Crabb in a veteran move.

The Critters were now likely to lose this game on a lack of pitchers. Fernandez and Garavito remained and were somewhat rested. Prieto was available, too. Wise had saved two games in a row and would not be used in a tie unless all other bridges had been burned. So it was double-plus-ungood when Vickers fumbled Maiello’s 0-2 grounder for an error to begin the eighth behind Garavito. Chris Came hit in the #9 hole and poked another 0-2 for a grounder to short. Berto started a routine 6-4-3. Vickers held on for a change and also played Trevino’s grounder for the third out. Wallace singled with two outs in the bottom 8th, but Zitzner fanned, and Garavito resumed hurling. Jennings robbed Crabb in the gap to begin the ninth before Winborn belted a homer. Ironically, that had been the first left-handed batter to oppose Garavito in this outing… Garavito finished the inning, but the Raccoons now started down the barrel of ex-Coon Joe Moore (roughly as far removed as Weintraub’s Pitcher of the Year days) and his 1.76 ERA. But control had never been his strongest asset and he walked Manny Fernandez to begin the bottom 9th. His first pitch to Vickers was wild, moving the tying run to second base. Vickers struck out. Jennings grounded out, moving Manny to third base. Thompson came up as the last straw and hit a drive to center. Kevin Clark couldn’t get back fast enough, the ball dropped for a double, and defeat was staved off for the moment! Scheffer batted for Garavito as ANOTHER wild pitch advanced Thompson to third base. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back – at 2-1, Scheffer hit a grounder to right that dinked off the diving Fowlkes’ glove. Trevino secured it behind the first baseman, but there was no time to get it to first base – even against Scheffer – or to throw to home plate where Thompson slid across to seal a sweep of the Capitals! 8-7 Furballs!!! Zeltser 2-5, RBI; Wallace 2-5; M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB; Jennings 2-5, 2 RBI; Thompson 2-3, BB, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Scheffer (PH) 1-1, RBI;

(sits there with mouth wide open, the hair somehow grayer and more disorderly than usual)

In other news

June 5 – It might be season over for SAL SP Jong-hoo Cho (6-2, 3.70 ERA), who has to undergo surgery to fix ruptured finger tendons.
June 5 – DEN SP Robbie Blair (4-7, 5.91 ERA) could be out for an entire year with a torn labrum.
June 8 – NYC 2B/SS Josh Brown (.289, 1 HR, 6 RBI) hits for the cycle in a 12-3 rout of the Loggers. The 29-year-old AAA veteran does so in style, completing the cycle in the ninth inning with a home run off MIL MR Mike Cockcroft (0-0, 5.40 ERA), Brown’s first major league home run in three years.
June 9 – CIN OF Ken Gibbs (.269, 2 HR, 15 RBI) could miss up to end of July with an oblique strain.
June 11 – In a spot start, Dallas left-hander Alexander Lewis (1-3, 1.80 ERA, 1 SV) 3-hits the Crusaders for a 1-0 Stars win.

Complaints and stuff

That was a 5-1 week where the largest margin of victory was with the Indians, the overall run total was 28-23, but I’m not one to complain. We’re in first place after all! (And in the power rankings, too!) And we have a 4-game winning streak! Now I just have to beat the crap out of del Rio and find some combination of bullpen with a pulse going forwards.

In terms of run differential, outscoring the opposition by .83 runs per game still sounds fine and we are actually doing much better over the course of the season. Even .83 runs per game, which works out to a +135 run differential over 162 games, sounds like plenty. It’s more than what two ring-winning Critters outfits have done (1993, 2028), and a third one (2026) beats the mark just barely. Right now, our run differential is +77, working out to +198 for the full season, better than even the fourth ring-collecting Furballs troupe (1992).

Cristiano says I am reading too much into this. Yeah, well, Cristiano; and your right wheel is squeaking again!

Next week we’ll hop down I-5 to L.A., then come back to host the Loggers on the weekend. The week after that brings a trip to Boston before a swift return out west to Tijuana. Kinda sketchy scheduling here…

Wednesday’s rout was the 500th loss we have taken against the Indians. They’re the fourth CL North team to whoop us that often. Only the Loggers (obviously?) are missing, and can’t reach the mark until next year at the very earliest, needing 23 wins against Portland to get to 500. The Titans (obviously?) have the most wins over Portland with 540, followed by the damn Elks (515)* and Crusaders (508).

Fun Fact: Josh Brown joins the vaunted Martin Brothers of New York’s greatest generation as the only players to have hit cycles for the Crusaders.

Stanton Martin did so in 2006, Martin Ortíz getting his in 2012. The latter came in a loss to the Indians, while the former collected his honors in a 10-5 win over the … Coons of course. That August 6, 2006 is still the most recent time another player has connected to all four kinds of base hits against the Critters.

Portland hitters have cycled five times since: Vic Flores, Adrian Quebell, Rich Hereford, and Tim Stalker (twice) have all joined in on the fun.

The Stanton Martin cycle also came three days before Jason Clark hit for the cycle in a 9-1 Knights win over the Thunder, which was the first reverse-natural cycle (going homer, triple, double, single) in ABL history. Those two cycles are tied for the closest-together that cycles have occurred with two days in between. In June 2015, also on the 6th and 9th, Blue Sox teammates Bobby Eason and Chris Macias each hit for the cycle against the Cyclones and Buffos, respectively.

The closest together cycles ever have occurred was in 1989, August 1 and 3. Again the Coons and Blue Sox were involved. Mark Dawson hit for the cycle in the former game, a 13-3 rout of the Knights. The Blue Sox beat out the Miners, 9-8, on Gabriel Cruz’ cycle two days later.

*And yet, I live.

[DD Martin]

Good luck on the presentation and exam!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (38-25) @ Pacifics (29-33) – June 12-14, 2034

The Pacifics had lost four straight and hoped to end the Critters’ own 4-game winning streak (and had the right pitcher lined up for that). They were fifth in runs scored in the FL, but were also allowing the fifth-most runs and treading water thus. Portland had not won a series against the Pacifics since ’28, and had most recently been swept two years ago.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (6-2, 3.13 ERA) vs. Dave Christiansen (9-2, 2.49 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-4, 3.94 ERA) vs. Alfredo Vargas (4-6, 6.11 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-2, 2.57 ERA) vs. Abramo Archibugi (6-4, 4.24 ERA)

Left, right, left for this series. There were a few notable injuries to these Pacifics, and all of them were position players. Joel Denzler and Justin Fowler, 6-time All Star, were on the DL. Infielders Dave Menth (ankle) and Frank Eisenberg (shoulder) were listed as day-to-day.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P del Rio
LAP: RF O. Mendoza – SS Bennett – LF Dunlap – 1B McGrath – 2B Menth – CF Tessmann – C Henley – 3B L. Rivera – P Christiansen

Del Rio took to the mound with a 4-0 lead after having hit into a double play in the top 1st to end a string of seven consecutive Raccoons reaching base after Ramos’ game-opening groundout. Stalker and Wallace had singled, Zitz had walked, and then three more singles by Fernandez, Reichardt, and Hawkins had plated one, one, and two runs, respectively. While del Rio retired the Pacifics in order in the first two innings, Christiansen never batted, being hit for by Alexis Rueda in a third inning that saw both catchers go deep. Philip Scheffer hit a 2-piece for the Critters, while J.J. Henley found a solo homer in his own bat, putting the score at 6-1 through three. One inning later, the lead was gone.

The Raccoons’ bottom 4th became the Pacifics’ top 1st. Tom Dunlap, Kevin McGrath, Dave Menth, and Danny Tessmann, three of them Continental League veterans and professional thorns in our sides, all slapped singles to begin the inning, making it 6-2 with the bags full. Henley struck out. Lorenzo Rivera popped out. Then Terry Kopp, ex-Coon, hit for Nick Derks, ex-Coon, and knocked the damn ball outta here for a score-knotting slam, putting “beat the damn crap out of del Rio” right to the top of the agenda. He wasn’t the only one. The bottom 6th was another riot against the bullpen, which kept blowing up and blowing upper. Menth singled off David Fernandez, Prieto retired nobody whatsoever, and Garavito oversaw two RBI singles and a sac fly to bury the Raccoons three runs deep. While the Raccoons had a pair on in the top 6th until “Bad Luck Travis” Zitzner hit into a double play, and stranded pairs in the seventh and eighth without the additional assistance to the Pacifics of hitting the balls right into the teeth of the middle infield defense, L.A. tacked on a run against Hennessy in the seventh. Not that they needed it, because the Raccoons weren’t going to rally anyway. 10-6 Pacifics. Ramos 2-5; Wallace 3-4, BB; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, RBI; Reichardt 2-4, 2B, RBI;

There will come the point where I will murder all of them. First place or not. Right now first place; tomorrow maybe not.

Then we will have Jason Gurney as our new ace.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Rendon
LAP: RF O. Mendoza – SS Bennett – LF Dunlap – 1B McGrath – 2B Menth – C Stanley – CF Tessmann – 3B L. Rivera – P A. Vargas

In a 29-pitch top of the first the Raccoons drew three full-count walks (all infielders sans Zitzner, who scored Berto with a groundout) but only had one base hit (a Manny RBI double) and hence only scored two runs when they clearly had Vargas in the ropes right away. But that could still come at some point – the main focus was on getting a starting pitcher through five or six innings without some sort of calamity. Six innings would be swell! – That was the sentiment before Rendon walked the bags full with one out in the bottom 2nd, conceded a run to Lorenzo Rivera’s sac fly, threw a wild pitch to the opposing tosser, and then Stalker almost threw a 2-0 grounder away with still THE OPPOSING TOSSER running, who couldn’t be slower if he had two wooden prosthetic legs!!

When he wasn’t actively campaigning to restore the Pacifics to former glory, Gilberto Rendon was not half as **** as Gilberto Rendon had been recently. He struck out five through four innings, but also inexplicably blew up the lead in the bottom 4th after former Elks scourge Danny Tessmann reached with a single blooping in front of Jennings’ pointy black nose. Tessmann stole second uncontested (they were already 4-for-4 on Raccoons catching in the series), then came around on a Rivera single with two outs. Rendon nailed Vargas, ostensibly to soften the opposing pitcher for an offensive comeback, then had Oscar Mendoza at 1-2 before allowing a liner to right. Jennings, appreciably, found it in his hard to at least ****ing catch THAT one. Top 5th, Rendon did what he could to redeem himself and hit a leadoff double. Ramos flew out, but Zelts and Wallace found singles to score their pitcher for a new 3-2 lead. Then Zitzner, the master of disaster, hit into another double play. Me personally, I was bleeding from one corner of my mouth again. Kevin McGrath bettered his batting average to .213 when he hit a solo shot to re-tie the game in the bottom 5th. Everybody not named TRAVIS did their royal best to help out. Manny Fernandez opened the sixth with a single, stole second, then was driven in with a Stalker single, 4-3. Thompson even reached base with a clonker off Rivera’s glove that was charitably scored another single. A bunt and a balk scored another run before Ramos popped out to McGrath to end the inning.

That bunt was Rendon’s final good deed before facing four Pacifics in the bottom 6th, the bottom four of the order, all of which reached. After three singles, he walked PH Rueda with the bases loaded. Properly yanked and maybe soon shanked, he was replaced by David Fernandez, who oversaw the Pacifics’ takeover of the game with a run-scoring infield single legged out by the pest Mendoza (he’d fit well on the damn Elks!) and T.J. Bennett’s sac fly, making it 6-5 L.A. As if further prove was needed that all 50 players involved needed to be forced into retirement, the Coons tied the game without doing ANYTHING in the seventh inning. Zeltser reached on Rivera’s 2-base throwing error, advanced on a poor grounder, then scored on a wild pitch by Jorge Beltran, who would be jumped on for a 2-out, 2-run rally in the top 8th. Vickers walked in the #9 hole, Ramos doubled him home, then scored on Bob Zeltser’s single, making it an 8-6 affair that was increasingly annoying the crowd. Increasingly short on arms after the staff’s continued escapades of recent days, the Raccoons turned to Darren Brown in a hold situation in the bottom 8th. He pitched as well as expected, walking Mendoza, who caused my blood to boil, and then waving him around on Bennett’s double to left (and that was even with Wallace having been sent to bed).

Top 9th, Gabriel Recio, a Cuban righty, allowed Fernandez on with a 1-out double, walked Stalker, then threw another wild pitch. If aliens descended on the planet right now to learn about baseball before cleansing the planet for their own colonization project, I sure hoped they would study another game, because this showcase was the absolute worst, and for the second day in a row. Billy Jennings ended up walking on four pitches anyway, loading the bags for PH Tom Hawkins, who struck out. Reichardt flew out to center, and three runners were stranded. Bottom 9th, Danny Tessmann doubled off Wise with one out… but that was also after the rural simpleton Wise had walked Menth and Henley, both of whom were just too happy to chug home to walk off the home team. 9-8 Pacifics. Zeltser 2-4, BB, RBI; Wallace 2-5, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-4, 2 2B, RBI; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Second place in the North.

I have trouble finding words right now. All that is in my head is a scream of rage.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Zitzner – LF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – RF Catella – P Chavez
LAP: CF Tessmann – RF Rueda – LF Dunlap – 1B McGrath – 2B Menth – C Stanley – SS Eisenberg – 3B L. Rivera – P Archibugi

Berto opened the game with a walk, then scored on Zelts and Zitz singles. Another first-inning lead, another certain defeat…! Tessmann singled on Chavez’ first pitch, and then scored on McGrath’s double to left to tie the game right in the same inning. For a while then, it was almost a normal baseball game without all the blown leads, wild pitches, and pies in the face. Neither Archibugi nor Chavez allowed another run through five, although Bernie ran up 84 pitches while the Coons only wrung 62 from his opponent and also didn’t find another base hit at all after the first inning until Ramos poked a roller through the middle infielders for a leadoff single in the sixth. Then the stooges came out, sort of. Berto took off for second, swiped that, but also reached third base on Lee Stanley’s throwing error. Zeltser’s groundout moved Ramos across home plate and gave Portland a 2-1 lead to blow before Archibugi walked Stalker and Zitzner on straight balls. Fernandez popped out, and Reichardt also lifted a pop to Eisenberg, who dropped that thing like a hot potato. That gave Scheffer a chance… but he flew out to Tessmann. Straight singles by the 1-2-3 batters tacked on a run with two outs in the top 7th before “Bad Luck Travis” grounded out and stranded Zeltser and Stalker.

Bernie lasted seven innings on four hits and six strikeouts, taking 104 pitches to get there. He had done his job – now the rest of the punks had to keep their damn holes closed… Before the clowns were released from the pen, Adrian Reichardt socked a solo homer in the eighth to make it a 4-1 game, and then Garavito took over. Tessmann grounded out, Rueda struck out, and Dunlap flew out in the eighth, after which Chris Wise would be bidding for his seventh loss against the 4-5-6 batters. He walked McGrath to get going. Menth’s grounder forced the lead runner, Stanley struck out… but Eisenberg reached on an infield single. That brought up pinch-hitter Zach Tutt as the tying run with two outs… and Ed Blair, because we couldn’t take Wise’s ****ing **** any goddamn longer. Tutt flew out, and the Coons salvaged a game for a change… 4-1 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4, BB; Zeltser 2-5, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (6-2);

The Raccoons would travel home after the game, while I headed to New York for the draft. Darren Brown in turn was sent to St. Pete again after 3.1 innings and a 5.40 ERA. Hey, still better than his career mark…

Nick Bates was not considered wise to bring back yet, so the call went to … Kyle Green.

Raccoons (39-27) vs. Loggers (30-35) – June 16-18, 2034

After splitting four games right down the middle earlier in the season, the Raccoons had to pounce on the Loggers now. Milwaukee was five games under .500 but actually had a +8 run differential. They were fifth in runs scored, ninth in runs allowed, and the pitching was a real problem, especially the bullpen, which had a 5.09 ERA and was constantly engulfed in flames. Where had I seen that before…?

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (7-2, 3.19 ERA) vs. Paul Metzler (4-5, 4.16 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (6-3, 3.88 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (1-0, 4.24 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (6-2, 3.64 ERA) vs. Josh Long (3-7, 3.71 ERA)

Looked like three right-handers drawing up here.

Game 1
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS W. Morris – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – 2B McWhirter – C J. Young – CF Wheeler – P Metzler
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Sabre

Starting with doubles by Danny Valenzuela and Wayne Morris, the Loggers pounded Sabre for five hits and four runs in the first inning, capped by Jim Young’s 2-out, 2-run double. All the hits were to the black hole side of the Raccoons’ defense, and Jimmy Wallace wasn’t close to any of them. Wallace wasn’t going to add any valuable offense any time soon, ending the first and third innings with groundouts. Portland scratched out one run in the latter when Bob Zeltser hustled to first to break up a double play after batting with Thompson and Ramos on the corners and one out, allowing the Coons’ catcher to score their first marker of the game. One inning later, Zitzner, Fernandez, and Jennings were all on base with one out against Metzler, at least until Elliott Thompson was not fast enough to break up the double play upon grounding over to Bill McWhirter. Another threat was up in the bottom 5th after 2-out singles by Zeltser and Wallace, but Zitzner flew out easily to Steve Wilson on a 3-1 pitch.

Sabre delivered a few scoreless innings to attempt to save his own bacon after the first-inning blow-up, but was knocked out in the sixth in circumstances again involving the defensive *** clown in leftfield. Josh Conner led off with a single to left that bounced through Wallace’s legs for an error, and while Sabre managed to turn that into an earned run anyway on a Wilson RBI double before walking Jim Young on his way out, my teeth were grinding at record pace. Antonio Prieto replaced Sabre with runners on the corners and one out and whiffed both Mike Wheeler and Paul Metzler to get out of the inning for only one run. The Raccoons would hit into further double plays in the seventh (Ramos) and eighth (Zitzner) to blow away each and any chance of a comeback in this game, a pattern that refused to be broken up in the ninth, either. Tim Stalker hit a leadoff single off Rafael Zacarias. Billy Jennings whiffed – the only Coons strikeout after Metzler had gone eight innings without one – and Thompson hit into the team’s fourth double play on the day… They lost by as many runs. 5-1 Loggers. Green 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Oh golly …

Game 2
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS W. Morris – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – C J. Young – LF D.J. Mendez – CF Wheeler – P Iezzi
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

My pocket calendar claimed Okrasinski was due for a good one, and at least the Loggers got no hits the first time through the order and no runs in the first three innings, never mind the general shoddiness and general reluctance to remove anybody in under five pitches, and also two walks to the bottom of the order in the second inning. Meanwhile, Portland went up 2-0, both runs supplied by Jimmy Wallace. Well, well, look what no bacon for breakfast can do to motivate a boy!! Wallace homered in the first, then dropped a 2-out single to score Okrasinski in the bottom 3rd. The pitcher was on base not for his own merits, but a bad bunt having forced out Thompson, but it wasn’t like a Thompson run would have counted double… Manny Fernandez would turn up with the bases loaded after a walk to Zitzner, but flew out to Wheeler to strand three runners. Okrasinski threatened to become unglued in the fourth with a leadoff walk to Josh Conner, who was doubled up by McWhirter. Even then, Okrasinski fell to 3-1 on Young, who hit a fly to deep left, and Jimmy Wallace actually caught a ****ing baseball out there for once…

But it was the Loggers who would implode with great noise this time around. Reichardt homered in the fourth to make it 3-0, but the main event was the fifth, even though it began with Ramos reaching and being caught stealing. Zeltser was on base via infield single, then scored on a Wallace double (putting the much-maligned leftfielder a triple short of the cycle). A Manny Fernandez homer later it was 6-0 and before long the Raccoons got to see Mel Lira and his 5.56 ERA, who ironically had been replaced in the rotation by Iezzi not too long ago. The next five Raccoons all reached base, including Stalker and Reichardt, and then a 3-run homer by Thompson. Okrasinski and Ramos reached, Zeltser hit a 2-run double, and the inning only ended when Wallace flew out to Wheeler after eight runs for an 11-0 tally. Without hesitation though Okrasinski finally exploded, too, coming apart for five straight 2-out base hits in the sixth, leading to three runs and more aboard until he was yanked for David Fernandez against PH Steve Wilson in the #9 hole. A groundout to Stalker stymied the rally in the making and it looked like we’d have a happy end after all. No thanks, Maud, I don’t want an apple. – No, not even if you slice it for me. – Would you slice me a lemon, though?

The bottom of the seventh would bring Jimmy Wallace back to the plate with Sergio Piedra having mostly walked the bags full with Thompson, Vickers, and Zeltser and one out. No triple materialized, his fly to left being caught by D.J. Mendez for a sac fly. Ed Blair and Mauricio Garavito would cut down the Loggers in the final two innings to complete the rout. 12-3 Raccoons. Ramos 2-5, 2B; Zeltser 2-3, 2 BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Wallace 3-4, HR, 2B, 4 RBI; Reichardt 3-5, HR, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1;

The Titans lost their second straight game to the Crusaders, moving the Critters back into first place in the North by half a game. Given that we’d crash into Boston on Monday, I’d love to at least arrive with the edge…

Meanwhile Milwaukee had lost Bill McWhirter to injury late in the game. They’d cart up .200 hitter Maxime Garnier by Sunday, who would doubtlessly make us long back for McWhirter…

Game 3
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS W. Morris – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – 2B Garnier – C J. Young – CF Wheeler – P Long
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 2B Vickers – C Scheffer – P del Rio

Neither team reached base the first time through the order, and while the Coons were convinced they could achieve victory if they could just wear out Wayne Morris and Maxime Garnier on defense, the Loggers at least got a Danny Valenzuela single to begin the fourth inning. A wild pitch moved up the runner, but Jamie Leftwich popped out and Conner hobbled out on a 3-0 poke with two outs. That was the best impression of offense the game would see in the middle innings; Portland would break up Long’s bid after 13 straight retirements when Manny Fernandez legged out an infield single but was forced out on Reichardt’s grounder to short. When Scheffer hit a leadoff single in the sixth, del Rio smothered the chance with a double play grounder right away.

Del Rio then retired himself from the game just one out later, Leftwich grounding out to first base in the top 7th. Back woes were given as reason for his removal from the game, but the cynic in me thought he wanted to get a headstart on the after-game buffet. We had steaks and chicken drums with piles of side dishes; heck, even I wanted to grab a food bowl rather than watch the sad 0-0 game going on down there…!

Prieto took the ball and walked Conner, but got a double play ball from Wilson to get us to the stretch, but after further non-hitting by the Portland Bystander Department the top 8th began with Garnier’s leadoff single to left. A-HA! Bere ibb bas!! (points with a bowl of mashed potatoes in one paw and a chicken drum with bite marks in the other, plus the matching bulging cheeks) Prieto walked Young before being shafted. Ed Blair got two outs, but was replaced for Fernandez with two outs and the runners in scoring position when Valenzuela was back up. The Loggers sent .238 batting righty Omar Huerta as pinch-hitter for their #1 man… but he popped out. Still scoreless, the Coons waited with the deployment of Chris Wise (hardly a win or non-loss guarantee) until after Morris’ lineout to the pitcher Fernandez in the ninth. By then Rodrigo Canas was pinch-hitting for the left-handed Leftwich, giving Wise a better matchup, at least on paper. On the field, though, Wise’s 2-1 pitch was drummed indeed for a tie-breaking homer, lining him up for his seventh loss. The bottom 9th started with Stalker in the #9 hole, but he grounded out. Ramos legged out an infield single to bring up the winning run against STILL Josh Long. The Loggers were confident he could get this one over with, and why wouldn’t they? The Coons had yet to touch third base. Three pitches later, Bob Zeltser singled through the right side, sending Berto all the way to third base and bringing up Jimmy Wallace. Still no motion by the Loggers to bring in relief. Wallace dropped the score-tying single in front of Kyle Farmer in rightfield, staving off defeat for Wise if nothing else. He got the win instead when Zitzner slapped the fourth straight single to rightfield, plating Zeltser from second base. 2-1 Blighters! Del Rio 6.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

In other news

June 14 – The Buffaloes beat the Canadiens, 3-1, with a combined 1-hitter from TOP SP Joe Jones (4-5, 3.74 ERA) and CL Josh Boles (3-2, 1.00 ERA, 19 SV). Vancouver only amounts to a sixth-inning single by 1B/2B/OF D.J. Robinson (.231, 2 HR, 15 RBI).
June 16 – The Aces had seen enough of CL Steve Bailey (1-4, 6.07 ERA, 12 SV) and ship him off to Oklahoma City in exchange for two prospects.

Complaints and stuff

I think we need a closer. Maybe that would be a winning move. It’s too late to get insurance for the upcoming Boston series, though.

Del Rio will live with a non-fatal back strain. He was listed as day-today, and given that we had an off day next week anyway we should be able to work around him. He is expected to start on the weekend against the Condors anyway.

I see that the team ranks first in defense in the Continental League. I don’t - … Maud? Maud? Is there some sort of rule where only a team’s best eight fielders count? – No? – Hah! Weird. … Cristiano Carmona claims that Jimmy Wallace has a +0.1 ZR this season. Cristiano, seriously. Any system that gives that guy a plus with the glove is absolutely bogus and bonkers.

Fun Fact: 23 years ago today, Stanley Murphy hit three home runs in a 12-1 rout of the Stars.

That was of course when he was still with the Pacifics. And before his second 3-homer game, too. That one came against these Raccoons in and interleague game in 2012.

Murphy, who was a Critter from 2014 to 2015, but won two rings and a Player of the Year award elsewhere and was inducted in the Hall of Fame last year, was a .288 batter with 371 homers and 1,533 RBI. He only hit 22 bombs for Portland in 218 games, though… His full 2015 campaign for the Coons was the worst of his career on the good side of 40 …

[Westheim]

2034 AMATEUR DRAFT

With half the league, including the Critters, having an off day on the Thursday of the draft, I wasn’t going to miss any agony on the field. How lucky I was!

The Raccoons would have two first-round selections and one more in the supplemental round. Our play in 2033 had merited the #17 pick, while we had received the Condors’ #20 pick and the supplemental round choice for their signing of Mario Rosas. Not that the Condors had been stripped down; they had received two compensatory first round picks of their own that were even better than their original #20 pick, and the Thunder had also received two such picks in the first round and had kept their own, leading to the weird situation of Tijuana, Portland, and Oklahoma City holding six consecutive first-round picks, and seven in the second half of the round in total.

There were no obvious favorites going into the draft this time, given that at #17 you weren’t likely to win their souls and limbs anyway. We did have a 102-player shortlist, though, plus the usual hotlist, which held a dozen players this time around
(* indicates HS player):

SP Chris Watson (13/13/14) * - BNN #6
SP David Farris (14/12/9) – BNN #10
SP Lazaro Cavazos (12/14/12) * - BNN #3
SP Ryan Person (13/11/8) * - BNN #8

CL Chris Manley (20/13/7)

C/1B John Hill (15/9/11) * - BNN #2
C Jorge Santa Cruz (10/13/13) – BNN #9

3B/2B/RF Jared Paul (14/13/9) *
INF Jon Caskey (10/11/11)

LF/RF/2B/3B Mike Preble (11/13/9)
OF Mike Hall (14/7/10) – BNN #1
OF/1B/2B Bob Mancini (11/13/14) * - BNN #4

As predicted by BNN, Mike Hall went first overall to the Aces. This was followed by Mike Preble to the Scorpions and Ryan Person to the Rebels, Jared Paul to the Loggers and Chris Watson to the Falcons to complete the top 5. The damn Elks were the first team to make a selection outside the hotlist, taking right-handed college pitcher Matt Sealock at #6.

The hotlist kept thinning out though; Bob Mancini went #7 to Topeka, Jorge Santa Cruz at #8 to Cincy, and David Farris to Atlanta with the #9 pick. After a short intermission of lesser-ranked selections, the Miners took John Hill at #13, but he was the final hotlist player gone by the time of our first pick. At that point, three hotlisted boys were left: Lazaro Cavazos, Chris Manley on the pitching side, and Jon Caskey as infielder.

The 20-year-old Caskey was said to be thorough and studious of game and techniques, but also so shy that he was hiding from scouts; we hadn’t actually *seen* him on the field, but had gone by his stats accumulated by the USC statistician, because he was indeed playing – he was just camouflaging very well. He had a wide range and strong arm, recommending him for the left side of the infield, and indeed fit a bit into that Matt Nunley mold of third basemen, also with the bat which was likely to be solid throughout without challenging for the home run crown or the batting title. He did have some speed and was probably good for 15+ bases at least in his 20s. A lot to like here, but probably not a Player of the Year going forwards.

At rival UCLA, Chris Manley was a right-handed fireballer throwing a 97mph fastball and a breakneck slider. The problem was that not only could batters not keep up with the ball, but he himself couldn’t either. Control was a big issue here, and he was already 22, so the question was how good he could actually end up; Wally Gaston was a former Raccoon that came to mind, and while Wally Gaston was a staple of the 1980s Raccoons, they would have been better with a better pen… The last guy in the triplet was a Puerto Rican right-hander in high school in New York, Cavazos. He figured to be a groundballer with a good selection of pitches. Cutter, slider, a curve that tended to hang, and a changeup that needed work, but he was only 19. In the end, the Raccoons sided with Cavazos as their first selection. While we thought a tad more of Jon Caskey, we also thought that Caskey was more likely to survive the next two picks and be available at #20.

And he did! Manley did not, taken at #18 by the Thunder, which at that point was *alright*. The Condors took outfielder Chris Boles at #19, and Caskey dropped to the Critters as intended. This also finished off the annual hotlist, with no leftovers past the top 20. We would follow that up with an offensive-minded selection for our supplemental round choice, taking Jeff Wilson at #33. Wilson was a right-handed batting catcher slash first baseman. He was probably average at best behind the dish, but not a horrendous fielder at first base. It might even be possible to get him to be semi-serviceable at second base or a corner outfield spot, turning him into a special third-string catcher utility. He had some boom in his bat, although the main promise was good contact and the ability to lay off crap and only swing at stuff actually reachable with the stick.

PORTLAND RACCOONS 2034 DRAFT CLASS:

Round 1 (#17) – SP Lazaro Cavazos, 19, from Carolina, Puerto Rico – sturdy right-handed groundballer throwing the heat at 93 and adding a slider and so-so curve to the mix, plus a changeup with the potential of devastation.
Round 1 (#20) – INF Jon Caskey, 20, from Castaic, CA – well-rounded infielder suited for the left side of the infield with good range and a strong arm; balanced bat with both contact and power potential, but not going to threaten for awards there. Think Matt Nunley and all will be well.
Supp. Round (#33) – C/1B Jeff Wilson, 21, from Des Plaines, IL – right-handed potential high-average, mid-power first baseman that was also adept enough in the field to perhaps learn a few other positions, including second base and the corner outfield spots.
Round 2 (#61) – RF/LF/1B Bill Balaski, 19, from Burlington, Canada – high-average bat with some power and speed but questionable defense all around.
Round 3 (#85) – CL Chris Womble, 20, from Avondale, AZ – right-handed groundballer with fastball and curveball that offered up quite some potential.
Round 4 (#109) – SP Jim Norton, 18, from Rayne, LA – right-handed finesse guy; he was only throwing an 88mph cut fastball, but nibbled corners well enough with slider and splitter to drive high school players into a fit of rage, so maybe there was something to him after all.
Round 5 (#133) – 2B Aaron Segall, 18, from Manhattan, NY – quirky middle infielder with a weak arm that could not realistically play the left side of the infield. Good speed with some solid OBP qualities; for some reason or other OSA and 23 other teams hated him, but our scout guy (Menendez? Marquez? Mendez? Whatever.) liked him very much.
Round 6 (#157) – OF Jordan Gonzalez, 17, from Kissimmee, FL – another player rated highly by only our scouts. We saw good contact potential and maybe a fit for centerfield with good range. No power in this bat; and no love from OSA, either.
Round 7 (#181) – C Brad Selleck, 21, from Phoenix, AZ – smart, defensive-minded catcher. Maybe someone could teach him how to hold a bat, too.
Round 8 (#205) – INF/LF Steve Nickas, 20, from Fort Worth, TX – none of the questions were about his defense, which was very good at several positions, or his speed, which was good enough to swipe double digits with ease….. if he’d ever make it on base.
Round 9 (#229) – MR James Waller, 21, from Washington, DC – righty with a 90mph fastball, goodish slider, and absolutely no plan which zip code to throw it to.
Round 10 (#253) – MR Tyler Ellerbe, 21, from Tonawanda CDP, NY – from the same mold as the former; right-hander throwing 90, curveball, abysmal control. Both are part of the dime-a-dozen offer in the second half of the draft.
Round 11 (#277) – SP David Bentley, 18, from Indianapolis, IN – left-hander (of course!) with a fastball, slider, and a changeup we’d ask him to leave at home before coming to camp.
Round 12 (#301) – INF/RF Brandon Bill, 18, from Dora, AL – alright-enough defense at multiple positions, some speed, paltry contact, and little power.
Round 13 (#325) – 1B/3B/RF/LF Ryan Hutchins, 19, from Baltimore, MD – his positions remind you of Mark Dawson, but that is already everything that reminds you of Mark Dawson. Good throwing arm. Period.

+++

I like to take a 17-year-old extreme-longshot pitcher in the last round, but in an odd quirk the draft was entirely stripped of pitchers by #325. 28 players were left over, all position players, and in fact Hutchins is a leftover from last year. He was actually the last guy on the shortlist (only Bentley was drafted while not being on that); I doubt he was on last year, when our scout guy was much more in line with OSA’s rough prediction of 5/3/6 potential. I doubt he’s actually seen something missed by every other team twice and passed on by every other team 25 times.

+++

All draft picks were assigned to the Beagles. Of course there was also culling going on at the same time. Axed players included, but were not limited to (there is always the odd trash heap, minor-league signing given out that doesn’t make it into the report):

MR Joe Rudd (2028, 7th Round), walking 8.3/9 in AAA last year… and 10.4/9 this year; MR Drew Byrd (2032, 5th Round), completely out of control; MR Scott Milano (2032, 9th Round), just plain bad; MR Mitch Hajduk (2031, 11th Round) after three full year of walking 7+ per nine innings in Aumsville; 1B Justin Julien (2032, 12th Round), can’t hit, flat-out; C Jeremy Larson (2032, 7th Round), can’t hit just the same; OF Jose Pena (2030 FA signing), again, no batting going on here;

More cuts were going to be made in terms of infielders in the lower levels. We had an absolute glut of well-fielding third basemen and shortstops, none of whom hit anything…

[Westheim]

Raccoons (41-28) @ Titans (40-28) – June 19-21, 2034

Now, this series would not decide the North at this point… but winning it would be nice. The Titans had the lowest runs allowed overall, giving away just under 3.8 runs per game. Their offense was a little less sharp, putting them in seventh place in the CL with 4.3 runs per game. They had a 4-2 edge on the Coons this season.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (7-4, 4.35 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (6-6, 4.07 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-2, 2.46 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (0-4, 7.96 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (7-3, 3.52 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (7-4, 2.50 ERA)

Right, right, left was the call here. And nobody quite knew what was wrong with Potter, the 2029 CL Pitcher of the Year, but I sure hoped it wasn’t contagious. He was signed through 2037 at over $3M per season.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Rendon
BOS: CF M. Avila – SS Spataro – LF W. Vega – RF I. Vega – 1B M. Walker – C Lessman – 2B R. West – 3B Gil – P Willett

There was little offense to go around in this Monday game. The Raccoons scattered four hits in the first five innings, their best bid being 2-out singles by Reichardt and Thompson in the second inning, but that led nowhere after Rendon popped out. The Titans had only one hit in five innings, but two runs. Ivan Vega had knocked Rendon for a leadoff jack in the bottom 2nd before Mark Walker drew a leadoff walk in the fifth, David Lessman was hit by the pitch, and a bunt and a sac fly brought another run around. Rendon walked three through five innings and whiffed only one, and was generally absolutely not sharp. Somehow this amounted to six innings of 1-hit ball against Keith Spataro and the rest of the blue-shod coonskinners from Massachusetts.

Rendon’s time was up in the top 7th through no fault of his own. It was more Antonio Gil who was to blame. After Manny Fernandez’ leadoff single and a groundout by Stalker, Gil threw away Reichardt’s grounder for two bases, allowing Manny across home plate and putting the tying run in scoring position. When Thompson struck out, Billy Jennings hit for Rendon because we had to. He slapped a 2-out RBI double to tie the game, after which Ramos grounded out, but at least Gilberto Rendon was left with a no-decision for his bothers. Willett unspooled for another run in the eighth with hits by Zitzner and Vickers, sandwiching a Fernandez walk, all with two outs. Vickers, batting for Tim Stalker, plated Zitzner from second base to give Portland a 3-2 lead. Between Hennessy, Garavito, Prieto, and even Kyle Green we cobbled scoreless innings in the seventh and eighth together, but that left us with little more option than to send Chris Wise against the middle of the order in the ninth. A bit of insurance would have been great, but after Thompson and Ramos reached base against Tim Zimmerman, Zeltser and Wallace both grounded out poorly. My feeling about this was poor from the start, and not without reason. After Willie Vega flew out, Wise walked Ivan Vega and served up a souvenir to Edgar Gonzalez to book his seventh loss of the season. 4-3 Titans. Ramos 2-5; Zitzner 2-4; Vickers (PH) 1-1, RBI; Jennings (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 1 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 1 K;

That was the final straw. Ed Blair – who had pitched two days in a row and had thus been bypassed for this ninth inning, was anointed closer, while Wise was named “Ass of the Month” and advised by the pitching coach to hide from me until the goddamn All Star break.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P B. Chavez
BOS: CF M. Avila – SS Spataro – LF W. Vega – RF I. Vega – 1B M. Walker – C Lessman – 2B R. West – 3B Gil – P Potter

Adam Potter drew a walk from Chavez before he allowed a run, which was the way things were going for us routinely in games against 7+ ERA pitchers. Keith Spataro homered in the first to put Boston 1-0 ahead, Potter walked in the second, with two outs and a man on, but somehow Moises Avila didn’t end the game right then and there and flew out instead. Zitz would single home Zelts with two outs in the top 3rd to get the game level again, then was picked off first base, so there was our daily dose of “Bad Luck Travis”. The following inning the Critters scratched out a run on Jennings’ sac fly, scoring Manny Fernandez after a leadoff double, and in the fifth Zeltser hit a homer to right to get to 3-1. Mark Walker pulled a run back with a 2-out RBI single in the bottom 5th, cashing in on clueless walks by Bernie Chavez issued to both Vegas.

Bernie at least held on to the 3-2 lead, but also lasted only six innings before blasting through the 100-pitch barrier. Portland got the leadoff man on in the seventh and eighth, didn’t score, and had to somehow piece together nine outs without using either Prieto (overcooked), Green (danger), Wise (rotten), or much else of value, really. Garavito got four outs before Rhett West stumbled on base with a 1-out single in the bottom 8th. Ed Blair was brought in right away for a 5-out save because what could go wrong at all? Pat Sanford, pinch-hitting for Gil, struck out. PH Bobby Beam singled to right, but Avila whiffed to strand the tying and go-ahead runs. The top 9th saw Jermaine Campbell eviscerate the Coons’ 6-7-8 batters, but at least Ed Blair held up. Spataro struck out. Willie Vega popped out. And with his 34th pitch and huffing and puffing, Blair rung up Ivan Vega to end the game. 3-2 Coons. Zeltser 2-4, HR, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2 2B; Ed Blair 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K, SV (3);

Five hits against Potter. I will babble my usual “a win is a win is a win” and try not to murder anyone as they board the bus to the hotel.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Reichardt – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Sabre
BOS: CF M. Avila – SS Spataro – LF W. Vega – RF I. Vega – 1B M. Walker – C Lessman – 2B R. West – 3B Gil – P T. Chavez

Offense remained hard to come by; neither team had more than one hit the first time through the order and it took until the fourth inning for the ice to be broken, and then that was on a Willie Vega home run to right, putting Boston up 1-0 in this pivotal game. In these middle innings there was some light rain, Sabre terminally lost the strike zone and started to walk a whole bunch of Titans, and somehow they would always feed the ball into a double play. The Raccoons’ offense doubled its hits output in the sixth with a Ramos single, then in the seventh did so again. Wallace drew the leadoff walk, but was still on first base with two outs before Stalker singled to left to move him to second. Tom Hawkins the floated a silly blooper that dropped in front of the rushing Ivan Vega near the rightfield line. Wallace scored on the lucky single that was two inches away form dropping foul and two feet away from being caught. That tied the game before Scheffer struck out to strand a pair. This bled into Sabre walking Lessman and West with one down in the bottom 7th, getting him yanked after six free passes against two strikeouts. David Fernandez came along, the Titans countered with right-handed batting veteran Luis Leija, but the batter struck out anyway, as did Tony Chavez, keeping the game a 1-1 tie. Chavez lasted eight, Campbell lasted the ninth, and John Hennessy lasted for one out in the bottom 9th before walking West and Sean Bowman and throwing away the game on a walkoff single by pinch-hitter Bobby Beam. 2-1 Titans.

(grumbles and refuses to talk to any of his players all the way until Friday in Tijuana)

Raccoons (42-30) @ Condors (42-30) – June 23-25, 2034

Heh, another second-place team… Maybe we can make them leaders, too. Tijuana was far and away in offense in the CL, plating a strong 5.1 runs per game, and were also in the top three in runs allowed, with a +96 run differential that was more impressive than the Critters’ +80 mark. They were also 2-1 over us this season.

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (7-3, 3.94 ERA) vs. George Griffin (5-4, 2.52 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (6-2, 3.38 ERA) vs. Jimmy Driver (6-6, 5.23 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-4, 4.26 ERA) vs. Mario Rosas (8-6, 2.38 ERA)

Southpaw on Sunday. Somewhere I’ve seen that guy before…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Okrasinski
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – LF J. Williams – C J. Flores – 1B Ryu – 2B Hughes – P Griffin

I could feel my peptic ulcer grow at record speeds while Pat Okrasinski walked three batters in the opening inning, including Jose Flores with two outs and the bags full. Willie Ojeda had hit a 1-out double to make up the necessary numbers for that. Hiroaki Ryu grounded out to Stalker, keeping it at 1-0 after the first, and at least Portland got a good luck sort of shot at it in the top 2nd. Manny drew a leadoff walk in a 3-2 count where ball four was at least disputable, and Stalker hit a bloop single. Jennings’ grounder moved the runners to scoring position, at which point we needed some solid hitting from Elliott Thompson, who stupidly popped out. Okrasinski grounded out, stranded two, issued a fourth walk to Andy Hughes to begin the bottom 2nd, and I was slightly miffed by that point.

But Griffin came apart at some speed in the top of the third, where the Coons took the lead. First, Ramos reached, stole his 25th base, and was singled home by Jimmy Wallace to tie the game. This broke a 3-way tie for the team RBI lead with Zelts and Zitz, the latter of which was annoyed by Wallace’s affront and socked a 440-footer to dead center, 3-1 Critters. The next three Coons all reached to give Thompson a chance with the bases loaded. I was expecting nothing but a double play, but Thompson’s liner went over Hughes’ head for an RBI single. Okrasinski struck out, but Berto drew a 2-out walk to force home Stalker with the fifth run of the inning. Zeltser also worked the count to make it six. Wallace then flew out to Willie Ojeda to end the rush on Griffin. The regrettable skunk weasel Shane Sanks hit a solo homer off a dismal Okrasinski in the bottom of the inning, so things could still go either way …

Okrasinski’s pitching was poor, but at least he showed teeth. When Chris Miller singled to start the bottom 5th, Ojeda hit into a fielder’s choice. Sanks walked, which was better than homering again, and then Okrasinksi grinded out two long at-bats against Williams, who popped out, and Flores, who flew out to Jennings, keeping the two runners stranded and the score 6-2 through five. Top 6th, Berto opened with a triple against Robby Ciampa… and was stranded. Ciampa walked Wallace and Fernandez to fill the bags, but whoever didn’t walk made a pathetic out that was in no way helpful… Berto singled home Jennings with two outs in the seventh, though, and somehow the cat dragged Okrasinski’s dead body all the way through seven innings without the Condors rallying a decisive amount. Both teams scratched out a run in the ninth, Ramos getting another 2-out RBI hit and the Condors scoring off Kyle Green in his second inning of work. The skunk weasel hit an RBI single with two outs, how surprising… 8-3 Coons. Ramos 4-5, BB, 3B, 2B, 3 RBI; Wallace 2-4, BB, RBI; Stalker 2-5; Jennings 2-4, BB; Thompson 2-4, BB, RBI;

Hey, we still got offense!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P del Rio
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – LF J. Williams – C J. Flores – 1B Kramer – 2B Ryu – P Driver

Berto singled, stole second, reached third on a Miller error that put Zeltser on first base, and then was stranded via pop out, strikeout, groundout. Chris Murphy singled, stole third base after a groundout, and came around on Ojeda’s grounder to second base. Depressing. Portland didn’t get another hit until the fourth, but when they did, Jimmy Wallace hit a complete BLAST to tie the game. That ball was just GONE. Zitzner then stumbled on base and scored on a Tim Stalker double for a 2-1 lead, then the team followed that up with another 2-spot in the fifth inning. Berto was on base, but was forced out by Zeltser. Wallace hit an infield single, Zitzner hit a single to right to load them up and then took out Chris Miller to break up the attempted inning-ending 4-6-3 play when Manny Fernandez grounded over to Ryu. A run scored there, and another scored on Stalker’s single to left, making it 4-1 before Jennings lined out to strand runners on the corners. The sixth inning brought the third 2-spot in a row, with both Zeltser and Wallace getting 2-out RBI base knocks. Things looked solid, but del Rio had just walked the just-departed Jimmy Driver in the bottom 5th, so the Coons weren’t out of the woods just yet – but del Rio settled down and had seventh and eighth innings that went by so quick that he appeared with a shot at a complete game in the bottom 9th, facing the 2-3-4 batters on 89 pitches. Miller singled on pitch #90, then advanced on two groundouts, being 90 feet away with Justin Williams at the plate, who was the last guy for del Rio. And he did retire him on a groundout… but not until AFTER a wild 1-0 offering that allowed Miller to score… 6-2 Critters. Wallace 3-5, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; del Rio 9.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (7-2) and 1-4;

All our starters now had seven wins on the season except for Okrasinski, who led them all with eight.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Reichardt – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Rendon
TIJ: 1B Kramer – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – LF J. Williams – C J. Flores – CF Sung – 2B Hughes – P Rosas

Reichardt reached on an error by the skunk weasel and three straight 2-out singles by the 4-5-6 batters led to two unearned first-inning runs against Rosas, who had beat the Raccoons the first time he had met them this season in April. Then Rendon basically didn’t retire anybody… Ken Kramer and Chris Miller opened the Condors’ batting with singles and Willie Ojeda socked a 3-run blast to right to put them ahead after the first inning after all. To rub it in, Rosas would double home Yeong-ha Sung in the following inning, 4-2. Jimmy Wallace hit a homer in the top 3rd, but Rendon was knocked out in the bottom 3rd with two outs after waving another three Condors aboard. Sung’s 2-out RBI single made it 5-3 and knocked him out. Prieto came along, walked Hughes to load them up for Rosas, who ran a full count before burying a double in the gap that emptied the bases for an 8-3 score, and that is the last thing I remember prior to a mysterious blackout I suffered at that point.

I awoke to a parkwide groan in the sixth inning and saw Rich Vickers circle the bases before high-fiving Tom Hawkins at the plate. The Coons had three runs in the inning and it was now an 8-6 game. Ramos popped out to end the frame. Chris Wise was relegated to sixth-inning duties and at least wasn’t romped again, which counted as progress. Top 7th, Wallace reached base against Jose Ornelas, but Travis Zitzner chopped into a double play. Bottom 8th, the Raccoons hoped for good things from Kyle Green, which didn’t quite ****ing pan out. He nailed Flroes, walked Sung, then was unceremoniously yanked. When Garavito replaced him to face PH Alfredo Quintana, he yielded a single to load the bags with nobody out. Jimmy Wood hit a sac fly from the #9 hole, with Reichardt making the catch and a bad step on which he tweaked his ankle. Billy Jennings would replace him in the #2 spot, but that inning was far from over with two still on base and only one out. Nobody was left on base when Ken Kramer socked a 420-footer to left, though, and that was the game done with then… 12-6 Condors. Jennings 1-1; Wallace 2-5, HR, RBI; Stalker 2-4, 2B, RBI; Hawkins 3-4, 2B, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI;

In other news

June 21 – The Condors sink the Falcons at an 18-5 pace. All starting position players have at least one base hit, one run, and seven of them also have at least two RBI. Outfielder Willie Ojeda (.332, 11 HR, 47 RBI) has 4 RBI on three base hits and scores three times.
June 22 – The Falcons trade CL Marcus Goode (3-2, 4.25 ERA, 21 SV) to the Knights for two prospects.

Complaints and stuff

No matter what else they achieved this week (and it wasn’t that much), I will taste Sunday’s massacre on my tongue for months. That taste can only be washed off with a ****ing set of rings!!

At least the Titans played just as dumb, lost two of three to the Aces (or next opposition…) and dropped back into second place by Sunday. We’ll call this week a wash, I guess.

Fun Fact: June 25 marks two achievements in Bayhawks lore; Chris O’Keefe no-hit the Titans on this day in 1991, while Mike White lobbed six hits in a win over the Indians in 1979.

The former game was a 1-0 affair, the latter ended 11-10.

O’Keefe pitched 17 years in the majors with San Francisco, Boston, and Richmond. He was an All Star twice, but ended up with a losing record, part of the problem being never being in the right place at the right time. He was 183-195 for his career with a 4.27 ERA and 2,060 strikeouts in 506 games (502 starts). He got no love on his only Hall of Fame ballot in ’08.

White was a rookie with the Bayhawks in the league’s inaugural season at age 20, hitting .231 in limited action. He was a starter for them for a while, but never displayed any power despite playing first base. He ended up with the Cyclones in ’84, but lasted only one more season before washing out of the majors for good. He batted .282/.335/.350 with 12 HR and 359 RBI in 957 career games.

Screenshots taken on Monday, because I am rather bssss in my head.

[Westheim]

Well, well, yesterday I got my degree, which I don’t really quite know what to do with at the current moment, so why not throw all caution to the wind, twirl them whiskers tight, grab some clubs and spades and knock the living **** out of the Aces’ hearts on the diamond down there?

+++

Raccoons (44-31) vs. Aces (28-47) – June 26-28, 2034

The Aces were pitiful, as usual. While average in their offensive ambitions, their pitching staff was a nightmare, giving up almost 5.5 runs per game, with a 5.03 ERA for the starters and not much better numbers for the bullpen. Their defense was certainly not helpful in keeping the scoreboard from lighting up, given that they were in the bottom three in defense, too.They were so bad in fact, they trailed the division-leading Knights by as many games as all other four teams in the CL South combined. We had a 2-1 edge in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (7-2, 2.50 ERA) vs. Chris Pyles (3-6, 6.58 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (7-3, 3.38 ERA) vs. Peter Gill (5-6, 3.72 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (8-3, 3.83 ERA) vs. Chris Crowell (3-7, 6.14 ERA)

“Graveyard” Gill was the ace on that staff, and it wasn’t particularly close… He was also the only southpaw, and please can we not play entirely dead again versus that right-handed pair of Chrises? That’d be lovely!

Game 1
LVA: LF Salto – 2B Sibley – 3B Stedham – RF E. Martin – 1B Gustafson – C Salinas – CF Jorgensen – SS Crow – P Pyles
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Chavez

Everybody in red pinstripes came out and hit rockets off Chavez for not-so-nice a not-change, with Graciano Salto, Jesse Stedham, and Sean Gustafson all whacking line drive singles in a first inning that only amounted to one run for Vegas, somehow. Chavez threw 23 pitches in the first, while Pyles threw FOUR, so I was already on the edge. It sure looked like one of those games, Bernie absolutely not able to put anybody away with two strikes, yielding f.e. a 2-out single to Pyles in the top 2nd when he had him 1-2, and the damn Critters didn’t manage a single base hit the first time through. They only reached the H column at least on Wallace’s leadoff double in the bottom of the fourth. The run scored… thanks to a wild pitch that moved him to third base even before “Bad Luck Travis” hit a ****ty comebacker to the pitcher. Manny Fernandez, who had walked in the second inning, hit a sac fly to get the Coons even. Graciano Salto crashed into Steve Jorgensen on the play, made the catch, but left the game with a separated shoulder and on the way to the DL, replaced in leftfield by third-year offensive slouch Danny Beckel, who struck out following Pyles’ second base hit off Chavez in the top 5th.

Portland didn’t get another hit until the bottom 6th with a 2-out double by Zitzner. Fernandez followed up with a single to left, remaining unretired in an otherwise bland offensive team display, and cashed his second RBI of the day when Zitzner scored after a good read and early start. Manny stole second base, but was left on base by Stalker’s pop out. Both teams went on to strand a pair of runners in the seventh, with Chavez getting Beckel to pop out with runners on the corners, and then being hit for with Tom Hawkins, who followed up Thompson’s single with one of his own. Ramos grounded out, Zeltser popped out, and it remained a 2-1 game for the brittle pen to take care of. David Fernandez in the eighth retired the all-left-handed Ross Sibley, Stedham, and Evan Martin in order, while Pyles held on to the baseball until two outs in the bottom 8th when he walked Stalker and Jennings in addition to the runner that was already on base – Fernandez, who had forced out Zitzner – which finally got the Aces pen involved with Natanael Abrao. Philip Scheffer hit for Elliott Thompson and clipped an 0-1 pitch into shallow right for a 90-feet-for-everybody special. The limping Adrian Reichardt hit for David Fernandez and slushed a 1-2 to right-center. All bedlam broke loose on this base hit. Stalker scored from third, but Jennings was initially given a stop sign until Evan Martin fumbled the ball briefly and Jennings was restarted. By that time Scheffer had hit the emergency brakes halfway between second and third, scrambled back, sending Reichardt scurrying back to first base, but Scheffer restarted for third base – and was thrown out. By then, however, Jennings had scored, and the Coons got three runs in the inning, distancing Vegas by four. In the new realities of late June 2034, THAT brought in Chris Wise. Steve Jorgensen hit a 2-out single, but Wise got three outs on three pops, which was all that anybody cared for. 5-1 Coons. Zitzner 2-4, 2B; M. Fernandez 1-2, BB, 2 RBI; Scheffer (PH) 1-1, RBI; Hawkins (PH) 1-1; Reichardt (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (8-2);

If that is what a sore-ankled Adrian Reichardt can do, I want him sore-ankled all year long. Dr. Chung, I hear your former country had some … *treatments* … for … *special guests*… uh… do you have any expertise in …? – Oh, you DO??

Game 2
LVA: CF Jorgensen – C Horner – 3B Stedham – LF E. Martin – 1B Gustafson – 2B Sibley – RF Carman – SS Schneider – P Gill
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – CF Catella – P Sabre

Another day, another first inning in which our starting pitcher begged for a beating; Sabre allowed base hits to Adam Horner and Jesse Stedham, walked Martin, then threw a wild pitch to get the scoreboard going. Luckily the Aces’ lineup was as potent as a newly hatched chick with Salto off to the DL and Gustafson whiffed before Sibley flew out easily to rightfield. The Aces stranded a pair here and further pairs in the third and fourth inning, the latter involving Manny Fernandez racing backwards to swipe a Horner drive with Vince Carman and Brian Schneider in scoring position, then bouncing off the fence without breaking his neck. And while the Raccoons’ offense was playing it sloooow again, Sabre just wouldn’t get any less awful. Stedham drew a leadoff walk in the fifth, then swiftly scored after back-to-back singles. Carman’s double play grounder would prevent even worse damage in a 2-0 deficit. Six innings of 8-hit, 2-run ball by Sabre would be all anybody could stomach without becoming violently ill… And the Raccoons still didn’t seem to feel any urgency. Stalker and Wallace reached with one out in the bottom 6th, which was already the biggest threat they had put up all game. Zitzner flew out to right, Fernandez fanned, and everything looked and felt awful.

Bottom 7th, leadoff walk in a full count and with charitable character to Hawkins, then a seeing-eye single for Scheffer, putting the tying runs on with no outs this time. In a state of urgency, Catella was hit for by Bob Zeltser, handedness be damned. Crucially, Gill’s second pitch to Zelts was wild. The runners moved up, removing the double play, and Zeltser promptly grounded over to Sibley. Rather than having a 4-6-3 and a runner on third with two outs and no runs on the board, the Aces now had a runner at third that was the tying run and one out, with Rich Vickers hitting for Hennessy. He grounded to first base on the first pitch, Gustafson fell over the ball, and that clownish defense brought the tying run across, too. While the inning fizzled out after that, Berto had his own clownish defense moment in the eighth with a big throwing error, but that led nowhere. His hitlessness in the series was however annoying… Wallace reached base in the bottom 8th and advanced on to second base in time for Hawkins to cash him with a 2-out single, giving the Coons a late and not all that deserved lead. The Critters brought on Ed Blair to fight for their 3-2 lead, but could not replace Wallace for defense anymore unless they desired to have the ailing Reichardt in center. I was not quite done with mulling over that when Blair was already finished with the 1-2-3 had he had been dealt. 3-2 Critters. Stalker 2-4; Wallace 1-2, 2 BB;

Game 3
LVA: RF Beckel – C Horner – 3B Stedham – LF E. Martin – 1B Gustafson – 2B Sibley – CF Jorgensen – SS Crow – P Crowell
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Chavez

Nobody got a base hit the first time through with Okrasinski walking two against one free pass issued by Crowell, the second slowpoke right-hander the Raccoons were poking even slower against in this series. Bob Zeltser would bring in the first hit of the game with a leadoff single in the bottom 4th, dropping a ball in front of Beckel. Zitzner would also single in the inning, but a Fernandez K and Stalker’s easy fly to Beckel ended the inning. Ross Sibley’s 1-out single was the maiden base hit for the Aces in the following half-inning, but Jorgensen flew out to right and Sibley was picked off by Okrasinski to end the top 5th.

Instead, they beat him to pulp the next inning. Leadoff single by Andy Crow, a bunt, and a nailed Danny Beckel were a nice start for Vegas, and it only got worse from there. Stedham walked with two outs to fill the bases after which Evan Martin hit a grounder behind first base that Zitzner cut off, but Martin beat the throw to Okrasinski for an infield singe and a run scored. Of course, the game blew up immediately. Sean Gustafson romped a 2-run double, Ross Sibley dropped a 2-run single, and before long it was 5-0 and everybody had a long face. The Critters could barely score Ramos after a leadoff triple in the bottom of the inning, and trailed 5-1 when the Aces went to the pen in the bottom 7th. Jennings hit a 1-out single, Thompson walked, and Vickers legged out a roller for an infield single, pulling up Ramos as the tying run against right-hander Jeremy Wallis. The Critters couldn’t do better than a sac fly, and Zeltser flew out to Beckel. With Wallace and Zitzner aboard, Manny Fernandez hit another one of those sac flies in the bottom 8th, merely equaling the run that Sean Gustafson had homered for off Garavito in the top of the inning. That home run was very soon the margin in the game after Tim Stalker homered to left himself to narrow the gap to 6-5. After Chris Wise didn’t implode in a ninth inning, the Aces sent Casey McQueen, a southpaw with a control issue and a 4.15 ERA into the bottom 9th, where the #9 spot would lead off. PH Tom Hawkins led off by taking strike three in a full count. Ramos flew out to center, but Zeltser singled, bringing up Wallace as the last straw and winning run, and there were worse choices, even against a lefty pitcher. Wallace though hit a comebacker to McQueen, and McQueen threw the ball away, putting the tying and winning runs in scoring position for “Bad Luck Travis”, who ended up being walked indifferently to fill ‘em up for Fernandez. Manny chucked a 1-2 pitch to right, over Sibley, in front of Beckel, RBI single, and the game was tied at six…! There was however no chance for Wallace to score without getting decapitated at home plate; instead Tim Stalker would try his luck with Billy Jennings standing disaffectedly in the on-deck circle as the mandatory Prince Charles batter. He got his turn in the 10th – Stalker popped out – and with the Coons down 8-6, the new Vegas runs dealt by David Fernandez in form of a goose egg that Jesse Stedham hit for 400 feet and two runs. Starting with Jennings, the Raccoons were retired in order this time. 8-6 Aces. Zeltser 2-5; Zitzner 2-3, 2 BB, 2B; Vickers (PH) 1-1;

Ugh, the pen.

Ugh, the offense.

Ugh, the trumpets announcing the arrival of our most belovedest leader, Nick Valdes.

Raccoons (46-32) vs. Indians (35-40) – June 29-July 2, 2034

Here was the team with the puniest offense in the league, not even 300 runs as we were closing in on halftime on this season. Their pitching was decent, but they still had a -33 run differential, although I was sure they would somehow spin all this into a string of 2-1 wins against this Raccoons team that had a myriad ways of driving you crazy while still holding on to first place. We had a 5-2 edge in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (7-2, 3.25 ERA) vs. Jose Lerma (7-5, 2.81 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.83 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (3-7, 3.82 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-2, 2.41 ERA) vs. Sal Bedoya (6-6, 3.42 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (7-3, 3.35 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (3-6, 3.61 ERA)

Right off the bat we’d get their only left-hander, Federal League Pitcher of the Year from 2023 Jose Lerma. Only righties without fancy awards after that.

No, Nick, I don’t know why we didn’t score 45 runs on the Aces, or managed to not soil the bed at least once. – Well, I am blaming Dr. Chung’s rhubarb diet. He hasn’t fed them anything else for a week. – No, Dr. Chung, I didn’t know that rhubarb was all that was fed to the inmates of the labor camp you worked in while they were building mighty railroad bridges for the advance of communism. – How many of them died though?

What is it, Nick, what surprise did you bring along for me? – Oh, look, it’s Toots. I mean, hi, Ms. DeVilane. – (Toots shoots a glacially frosty look)

Game 1
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – C Kuhlmann – SS Hansen – 3B Grigsby – P Lerma
POR: SS Zeltser – 3B Hawkins – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Vickers – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – CF Catella – P del Rio

While Valdes was moaning when the Raccoons only brought up the minimum in the first three innings and Toots was actively encouraging him to get rid of the GM right now, I wondered where I had seen the Indians’ third baseman sorry face before, and why, yes, it was Mike Grigsby, a veteran of 54 games of not hitting as a 2024 and 2025 Raccoon. He had since seen every corner of the land, mostly on AAA teams.

Neither team reached third base until the bottom of the fifth when the Coons did the deed in unearned fashion. Vickers had walked, Jennings had reached on Matt Barber’s error, and Scheffer had zinged a single to left. Catella, 0-for-8, came up with one out. He poked the first pitch into a 6-4-3 double play. Jimmy Wallace then completed the throwing away of this game, also by just being himself and misplaying Jose Lerma’s fly to left leading off the sixth into a triple. Dan Schneller singled with one out, and for the fourth time this week the Critters were trailing 1-0. Del Rio struck out eight in seven innings and allowed only five hits, but was nevertheless on the short end of the stick and remained there through the eighth, in which Billy Jennings got nailed by Lerma and reached third base via a wild pitch and a Hawkins single. Wallace struck out to leave them on the corners. Prieto and Garavito delivered some good relief for Portland, but Lerma was still there on a 4-hitter in the bottom of the ninth, at least until Zitzner almost hit a homer (that was nevertheless an out to Tom Schorsch in right). Tim Thweatt saw out the game, with Vickers grounding out and Jennings whiffing. 1-0 Indians. Hawkins 2-4; del Rio 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 8 K, L (7-3);

I don’t know, Nick, when the Coons are gonna score for you. Maybe tomorrow.

Just because me and Honeypaws had to take it out on SOMEONE, Sean Catella (0-for-9 this year, .229 for his miserable career) was yanked back to St. Petersburg after the game. For the time being, we called up Preston Pinkerton, who was only hitting .217 with the Alley Cats, but … eh…

Game 2
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – C Kuhlmann – SS Hansen – 3B Grigsby – P Kretzmann
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Rendon

Confusion reigned when the Coons in the bottom 1st got Ramos on via the walk, Zeltser with a single, and scored FIRST on a Wallace groundout and a Zitzner single! 2-0! For the Critters! Nick Valdes applauded energetically and noddingly approved, then suggested to end the game right now and have dinner. The Indians had none of that, but fell behind further in the bottom 3rd on a Ramos Special when Berto singled, stole second, and came around on Wallace’s single to right. Zitzner then tried to feed one to Schneller to end the inning by 4-6-3-long faces, but Schneller fumbled it and all paws were safe on the error. But don’t you worry – there was always someone on the team willing to pick up the slack, with Fernandez and Stalker both retired on poor shallow flies.

Rendon had a good time in the early innings, but everything began to go pear-shaped in the fourth. John Baron hit a 1-out single. A fastball plunked Plunkett. Barber turned a full count into a bases-stuffing walk. Morgan Kuhlmann turned on a 1-2 pitch instead and belched it over the fence, flipping the score to 4-3 Indians. Finally, the Raccoons had another starting pitcher with an ERA over five… No, Nick, you don’t want to know how much is left on that contract…

Bottom 5th, the Coons got the bases full in pretty much the same manner as the Arrowheads moments earlier. Zelts, Defensive Black Hole, and Zitz then all stared in eager anticipation as Manny Fernandez stepped in the box. Five pitches later he grounded to short, Valdes and me screamed in unison while embracing each other, and that seemed to spook John Hansen, who fumbled the ball for an error. All paws were safe again and the game was tied. Then Stalker hit into the goddamn ****ing double play, because the baseball gods clearly had it in for me.

Somehow the cat dragged Rendon through seven innings, and to be honest, he wasn’t all bad… he allowed only eight base runners, although an unhealthy amount of those ended up scoring. The Coons got Ramos on with a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, then got him off when he was thrown out trying to nip his third base of the game. The four-all score would be dissolved in the eighth inning, and not by Chris Wise, who got through the top of the Indians’ order alright. Jennings singled off Kretzmann with one out in the bottom 8th, but the Arrowheads expected nothing from Elliott Thompson and kept Kretzmann around. Neither did we, but Thompson still slugged a tie-breaking RBI double into the leftfield corner, so the joke was on everybody. Thompson was left stranded anyway, so it was on Ed Blair, the 5-6-7 batters, and Preston Pinkerton making his season debut as defensive replacement for Black Hole Jim. No outfielder had a paw in how the ninth unfurled though, since Morgan Kuhlmann’s single barely reached the outfield, and John Hansen walked to put the go-ahead run on with one out. Grigsby was gone by now, but Pat Green was hardly an improvement, batting .165… and hitting a ball to Zeltser for a game-ending double play. 5-4 Critters. Ramos 2-4, BB; Zeltser 2-3, BB, 2B; Wallace 2-3, BB, 2 RBI; Jennings 2-4; Thompson 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Game 3
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – C Kuhlmann – SS Hansen – 3B Grigsby – P Bedoya
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Chavez

It was back to same old, same old on Saturday, with Plunkett’s double and Kuhlmann’s single putting the Indians 1-0 ahead in the second inning. That was pretty much all the offense in the early going. They were the only hits allowed by Chavez through five, and the Coons – much to the dismay of Valdes, Toots, Honeypaws, and me – were not exactly swingin’ it either. Thompson’s 1-out single in the bottom 5th was their third hit in the game, and he was stranded when Plunkett robbed Ramos in the gap. Instead Dan Schneller hit an RBI double to cash in on Chavez’ leadoff walk to Dustin Acor in the sixth inning, doubling the gap to an insurmountable 2-0. Toots proceeded to call her father, esteemed industrial magnate Roger Hotchkiss “Bud” DeVilane II, at this point, telling him that his investment into the team was garbage, but since we had ads for his toxic waste dumps plastered on the outfield walls I didn’t think it was that poor a match…

Bottom 6th, Wallace singled to right, Zitzner doubled to left, and the tying runs were in scoring position with one out for Manny, who could maybe finally do something worthy of a top 5 pick. As I insisted, he rammed a ball through Barber and up the line for a game-tying double. Stalker whiffed, but Jennings singled home the runner to put Portland ahead, 3-2. Jennings stole second, leading to an intentional walk for Thompson and a brushed shirt for Chavez, leaving Ramos to leave the bags full with a fly to Plunkett. Manny Fernandez went on to make a sterling catch in deep center to rob Acor of extra bases with two on and two outs and Bernie already yanked after allowing a sharp single to Hansen and a walk to Juan Herrera. David Fernandez had been on the mound after retiring PH Tom Schorsch on a pop. Portland left runners on the corners against Lance Legleiter in the bottom of the inning, and wasted a pinch-hit single by Tom Hawkins in the eighth. It was Blair again with another 1-run lead despite a 10-4 edge in the H column. Barber grounded out to Ramos, Kuhlmann whiffed, and Hansen rolled over to Stalker to finish the game. 3-2 Coons. Wallace 2-4; Zitzner 2-4, 2B; Thompson 2-3, BB; Hawkins (PH) 1-1;

Somehow squeaking out another win was enough to pacify the visiting owner and his witch with a bad influence over him, and after another stare of death by Toots they both left town Saturday night to get to Paris by Monday. There they would oversee the demolition of a disused amusement park to build Europe’s biggest parking lot instead.

Game 4
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – SS Hansen – C J. Herrera – 3B Grigsby – P Govea
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 2B Vickers – C Thompson – P Sabre

The bottom of the second inning was a mess. The Coons opened with three straight singles from the 5-6-7 batters, but Fernandez was caught stealing before anybody else reached, and Reichardt was caught in a rundown between second and third on Vickers’ single… except that Hansen missed a swipe and Reichardt escaped to third base after all. Govea promptly threw a wild pitch to plate him for the first run of the Sunday contest. The Indians’ pitcher lost Thompson on balls, bringing up Sabre with two on and one out. Raffaello was batting .382 and we felt cocky enough to have him bash at the first pitch. He whacked an RBI double between Plunkett and Baron. And just when you thought that they’d crack Govea’s skull and spine both in this inning, Berto and Zelts hit pops that stranded a pair in scoring position. Sabre allowed only one walk and a Barber single through five innings, and himself snapped a leadoff single in the bottom 5th to raise his average even further to .417, but then was doubled off when Ramos lined out to Barber. Everything came apart again after that deflation, with Bad Luck Travis throwing away Acor’s grounder to begin the sixth. Baron, Plunkett, and Barber immediately flogged Sabre for two hits and a walk, making up the 2-0 difference in no time. Sabre got through the seventh without the universe conspiring to throw the goddamn moon on his head, and was hit for in the bottom of the inning after a pair of 1-out singles by Vickers and Thompson. Billy Jennings batted for him against Lance Legleiter, which didn’t seem like a smart choice before or after he struck out. Berto got a 2-out grounder past Schneller for an RBI single, giving Sabre a chance at the win after all before John Baron tracked down a deep Zeltser fly to end the inning. That was all the offense that could be wrung from the Coons’ lineup before the ninth inning cropped about. The 4-5-6 batters had to be seen after by Chris Wise after Blair had thrown almost 40 pitches in the last two days, Wise was rested, Prieto had done the eighth, and Kyle Green oh the heck no! That was the drawback of three lefty relievers – the Indians’ lineup could squeeze you at the end of a series. Strikeout, groundout, flyout ended the game and the week. 3-2 Coons. M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B; Reichardt 1-2, 2 BB; Vickers 2-4; Thompson 1-2, BB; Sabre 7.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (8-3) and 2-2, 2B, RBI;

In other news

June 26 – The Rebels lose SP Bryce Sudar (3-7, 4.37 ERA) for the season when the 33-year-old right-hander is diagnosed with a torn rotator cuff.
June 27 – Despair in Salem, where thrice-consecutive FL Pitcher of the Year SP Phil Harrington (6-3, 2.38 ERA) was place on the DL with shoulder soreness. He is expected back after the All Star Game.
June 28 – SAC OF Chris Sandstrom (.227, 10 HR, 38 RBI) drives in five runs on three hits from the #8 spot in the Scorpions’ 15-3 drubbing of the Blue Sox.
June 29 – Stars and Wolves compile only seven base hits combined in 10 innings before SAL OF Nate Hall (.349, 0 HR, 8 RBI) singles home Jorge Zamora (.238, 3 HR, 21 RBI) to give the Wolves a 1-0 walkoff win.
June 30 – A pair of FL West games are decided by a solo home run: SAL INF Sergio Ibarra (.296, 3 HR, 25 RBI) beats the Stars 1-0, and the Scorpions are defeated by the same score by LAP 3B/2B Dominique Dichio (.220, 4 HR, 18 RBI).

Complaints and stuff

Cristiano says five of the last six games and nine of the last 14 were decided by one run (our record, respectively: 6-3 and 9-5), so maybe that is why my gums are bleeding.

The roster is not perfect and we will have to look and see whether we can make any improvements in July. I mean, one roster spot is rather obvious with Kyle Green’s numb brains having to go someplace else. I had my money on Nick Bates coming back from elbow ligament destretching procedures, but he’s been rehabbing in the minors for a while and he’s walked 12 batters in 6.1 innings for an 11.37 ERA. Maybe Green is preferable to that… We have to make a decision soon; Bates’ rehab stint expires next weekend and he’s out of options. That is the guy who pitched to a 1.04 ERA in 54 games last year, walking a modest 3.3 per nine innings.

Adrian Reichardt didn’t see much action this week. He pinch-hit to drive in two cushion runs on Monday, then did not reappear in a box score until Sunday. The ankle hampered him until mid-week, but then we also used the right-handed opposition as an excuse to keep him benched. There IS of course a reason for this; the Raccoons would like to rather not trigger the $2.24M vesting option on his contract which requires him to appear in 135 games. At the halfway point of the season he sat on 65 appearances, by extrapolation five short of qualifying in the end.

Next week: road trip. I’ll go to New York and then home to scream in horror while the team travels to Elkland. After that will be the All Star Game.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons so far have lost 11 games in every month of the season.

If you do that for six months, you end up 96-66.

96 wins have won the North 50% of the time in the last 20 years.

The 2026 Coons won 94 games, the 2028 outfit took 98 contests.

[Questdog]

Congrats! Degrees are like excuses, except not everybody has one.....

[Westheim]

Raccoons (49-33) @ Crusaders (36-46) – July 3-6, 2034

The Crusaders kept rotting in a hole flooded by an overflowing sewer, but had split the first 4-game set of the year with the Critters. The team was undeniably in trouble; they were in the bottom three in runs scored, a mere eighth in runs allowed, had woeful defense almost all over the field, and could not find anybody to hit over .260 except for makeshift catcher Danny Monge and a Ryan Czachor on his very last leg.

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (8-3, 4.07 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (1-7, 4.37 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (7-3, 3.12 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (4-6, 3.88 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.85 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (5-8, 4.04 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (9-2, 2.44 ERA) vs. Rodolfo Cervantes (7-2, 2.36 ERA)

All starters in this series would be right-handed.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski
NYC: LF Balado – RF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – SS J. Brown – CF Veraart – P J. Martin

38-year-old Ryan Czachor may have been on the very last leg, but that was still enough to kick Okrasinski, who loaded the bags with Chris Reardon, Monge, and Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, before giving up a 2-out, 2-run double to Czachor for a first-inning deficit. Josh Brown struck out to keep two Crusaders aboard. The second inning brought a Travis Zitzner leadoff double and him being stranded at second base, then a Ronnie Veraart homer to right to begin the bottom half. Given how the Raccoons’ lineup did absolutely nothing against Joe Martin, who had gone to the trouble of tossing 90 innings this season for the benefit of a lone measly run, the game was basically over by there, but there was still more fireworks to be beaten out of Okrasinski, who gave up home runs to Danny Monge and Czachor in the bottom of the fifth. The first one counted for one, and the latter for two, and here came Kyle Green to take out the trash. Or maybe the other way round – Brown doubled, Veraart tripled, and Martin hit a sac fly, all in five pitches, extending the gap to eight runs in a true trouncing. Green began the sixth with two walks, then gave up more RBI hits to Monge and Czachor, being yanked in a 10-0 game with one out. Portland got only two more base hits off Martin, who didn’t finish the shutout, but got the W, and never reached third base the entire game. 10-0 Crusaders. M. Fernandez 1-2, BB; Hennessy 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Well, now we got that out of our system… maybe we can actually play baseball for the rest of the week.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P del Rio
NYC: LF Balado – RF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – 1B Howden – SS Schuler – 3B S. Williams – CF Veraart – P E. Cannon

Doubles by Jose Balado and Mario Hurtado immediately undid Jimmy Wallace’s RBI double from the top of the first inning, plating Berto, and Monge dropped in an RBI single to give New York another earliest-possible lead while extending his hitting streak to 16 games. 119 at-bats in, Stephen Williams hit his first home run of the season to begin the bottom 2nd, and the Crusaders upped the score a bit further in the second inning, which del Rio would not survive. With two outs and nobody on, del Rio hit Balado with a 1-2 pitch, which cascaded into a soul-suffocating collapse. Balado stole second base, because our ****ing catcher don’t have any ****ing arms, was singled in by Chris Reardon, and Hurtado hit an infield single. After a completely awful 4-pitch walk to Monge, del Rio had Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, at 1-2, then hung a breaking pitch. Even a full and utter waste of oxygen like Howden could hit that one. One slam later, down 8-1, del Rio was excused from further participation. I also removed myself from conscious participation but didn’t manage to get my fill in one of the new bars in the ballpark without noticing a) Ramos scratching out a run mostly on his own in the third, and b) Antonio Prieto getting impaled for another 4-spot including a Hurtado homer a bit after that. That made it 7-0 in terms of home runs for the Crusaders in this series. Yeah, the **** they don’t score runs… After that I must have passed out. The next morning’s box score said that Preston Pinkerton pitched two garbage innings at the end, but I had no recollection of that anymore… 13-2 Crusaders. Ramos 2-5; Pinkerton 2.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 0 K and (PH) 0-0, 2 BB;

Okay, that’s enough kicks to the curb for one series…! I demand success now!

I sound like Valdes. (shivers)

Also, my head might have been hurting like it was being worked over with a power drill, but I still managed to designate a scapegoat, banishing Kyle Green (8.22 ERA) to AAA. Nick Bates was activated from his rehab stint, although no good thing could be expected from him.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – RF Jennings – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Rendon
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schuler – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – RF Kok – 2B J. Brown – CF Veraart – P Holliday

Gilberto Rendon tried what he could and struck out five the first time through the Crusaders’ order, which with how things were going probably only meant that the big implosion would come an hour later than usual. It certainly didn’t come from the team hitting on the left side of the box score; the Raccoons remained completely irrelevant with the bats and poked for four singles and a double play as well as a grand total of zero runs in the first five innings. One single was even by Rendon, who was then predictably overcome in the bottom 5th when Veraart singled with one out and two strikes, was bunted to second, and scored on Balado’s full-count, 2-out single to center.

In a weird sign of actual life (but the judgment on higher intelligence was still out) the Raccoons opened the sixth with singles from Stalker and Wallace. Stalker went aggro to third base and drew a lousy throw that allowed Wallace into second base, taking away the double play. Zitzner hit a real rocket to right that was nevertheless spoiled by Barend Kok. The Critters still got the tying run out of it by means of a sac fly, then got Reichardt to single into center, plating Wallace for a 2-1 lead. Jennings and Hawkins both struck out to leave the old Titan on base. Rendon struck out ten in six innings, but didn’t get anybody in the seventh inning, at least not in a way that would help his and the Critters’ cause. He walked Brown to begin the inning, then nailed Veraart, also giving the Crusaders the go-ahead run on base. Descending into panic mode at once, the Raccoons sent Chris Wise against righty pinch-hitter Stephen Williams, who zipped a ball at Ramos for an easy 6-4-3 double play. A K to Balado took care of Brown’s tying run at third base then.

Portland left Wallace (leadoff walk) and Reichardt (intentional walk) on base in the eighth, while Wise was retained for the bottom 8th due to a lack of serious options (Bates was not one at this point). Wise got Randy Schuler and Danny Monge on groundouts before yielding for John Hennessy to face Jarod Howden, the dumb pig that went on to pepper the first pitch for a game-tying homer, the eighth in the series, and all for the home team. **** you, Hennessy, just **** you, you ****ing rule 5 pick.

In general it would however help if the team could score more than two ****ing runs per game. Maybe the ninth could bring us the wonder of offense! I SURE HOPE SO. Mike Hugh – the rule 5 pick we did send back – issued a leadoff walk to Scheffer. Bob Zeltser grounded out in the #9 hole, and Berto walked onto the open base. Stalker grounded to Josh Brown, who’s throw to first base was bad and barely contained by Howden, the dumb pig. The bags were thus full for Jimmy Wallace, with one out. The Coons had to take the best they could get, a sac fly… Zitzner grounded out, and things moved to Ed Blair, who ****ing blew the lead after a leadoff double by another ex-Coon, Fernando Garcia, who came in hitting all of .184, a Brown single, and Veraart’s sac fly. Good! One closer later, still no cigar! Reardon sent the game to extras, pinch-hitting for a double play grounder. Yeah, as if this misfit team would win a game in extra innings…

Disintegrating veteran righty Morgan Shepherd (13.50 ERA) surely tried to give them a win. Reichardt singled to begin the 10th and after Fernandez popped out foul Shepherd walked the bags full to bring up Pinkerton with one out, a sub-ideal situation that could nevertheless not be remedied given that Pinkerton had replaced Wallace for defense and no greater good earlier. Pinkerton struck out, Ramos flew out to Balado. The Crusaders took apart Garavito in the 11th to win, getting a single from ex-Coon (…) Matt Jamieson, a walk to Brown, and then Veraart’s walkoff single. 4-3 Crusaders. Reichardt 3-4, BB, RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 10 K and 1-2; Wise 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Is there any way to send Hennessy’s swamp ass bum back to Nashville? He was taken in the rule 5 draft after all…… some years ago…

Also, extra base hits in this series: Raccoons – 3 doubles. Crusaders – 8 doubles, a triple, 8 homers.

Meanwhile, the Titans had knocked the Indians three times already, so I could stop looking into pitching improvements or any ****ing catcher at all. The season was ending in New York this year.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – RF Jennings – 2B Vickers – C Thompson – P Chavez
NYC: SS Schuler – RF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – LF Kok – C F. Garcia – CF Veraart – P Cervantes

Hear, hear – somebody in a brown shirt found the goddamn fence! Bob Zeltser hit a 2-run homer, collecting Ramos, in the third inning, which at that point and including Manny Fernandez’ Wallace-collecting RBI double from the first inning gave the team a tenuous 3-0 lead. Tenuous, because the baseball gods had undoubtedly put on the blue hats a few days earlier, and because Bernie Chavez insisted on putting each and every leadoff batter on base, and wouldn’t make exceptions for anybody. Early on the Crusaders got only one run out of him when Czachor dropped a 2-out single to score Randy Schuler and his leadoff walk in the bottom 3rd. But the traffic was constant, buzzing, and highly annoying – New York in a nutshell. The fourth inning’s free runner, Garcia, was doubled off. In the fifth, Schuler hit a single, but didn’t get past first base while Reardon popped out and the next two batters whiffed; **** you, Howden, dumb pig, **** YOU!! … Czachor opened the sixth with a single and was eventually on the corners along with Veraart when Josh Brown hit for Cervantes with two outs and fanned, too.

A Howden error helped the Coons to a run in the top 7th. Berto had opened the inning with a double off ex-Coon (there must be a nest somewhere) Rin Nomura. Howden, the dumb pig, fudged Zeltser’s grounder, allowing Raccoons to the corners rather than just having Ramos on second base. Wallace hit into a double play, but that at least got the run in… I stopped being picky three smothering defeats ago. That string stopped on Thursday, thanks to a 1-2-3 seventh from Bernie (!!), and the Crusaders forgetting to bring David Fernandez and Ed Blair to the glover instead, too. 4-1 Raccoons. Zeltser 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 3-4, 2B, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 9 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (10-2);

Boston’s fortunes reversed on Thursday, too, so there was a mathematical chance of obtaining first place for the All Star Game, but we went to Vancouver, so the point was moot entirely…

Raccoons (50-36) @ Canadiens (31-55) – July 7-9, 2034

An old First Nation wisdom said that a .360 ballclub was the most dangerous ballclub, so the Raccoons were surely doomed in this weekend set before the break. Portland held a narrow 5-4 edge in the season series, but here was another team with no offense and no starting pitching, and those introductions always had a tendency to bleed into a 10-2 humping in the first game … or three.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (8-3, 3.21 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (7-9, 3.31 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (8-4, 4.45 ERA) vs. Denny Marsh (6-8, 4.08 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (7-4, 3.75 ERA) vs. Raymond Pearce (0-0, 6.43 ERA)

Corcoran would be the only southpaw this week.

Speaking of paws, just when I was preparing snacks at home for the opener of the series – all snacks in this case being of liquid form – I noticed that Honeypaws was missing. I had forgotten to pick him up from the ballpark on the way from the airport. I cursed bad enough to prompt the very Polish and very Catholic lady with the unpronounceable name living below me to bang against her ceiling with a broomstick again. There was no time to pick up Honeypaws and come back home for the first pitch. I had to watch the game in the office, but at least I wouldn’t be alone, without Honeypaws…!

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – 2B Stalker – 1B Zitzner – LF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – RF Jennings – P Sabre
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Barrios – SS B. Gonzales – CF Carpenter – P Corcoran

To my surprise there was a big white limousine in the parking lot, encamped on the handicapped spots near the office entrance. The windows were darkened, so after parking my beat-up car I walked over to the car and knocked against the driver’s window, thinking that I could see a human silhouette. The window immediately lowered electronically without the slightest noise and I looked at a wide-girthed black man in a shiny white uniform and hat in a sea of cream-colored interior. I pointed out that this was the handicapped spot and I could not see a blue plaque on his car, to which he replied understandingly, but asked me not to make a fuss because Mr. Valdes was already angry enough. – Wait. Valdes is here? Why?? And how am I going to get Honeypaws without getting seen? – Say, dear Sir, would you retrieve a tear-stained stuffed toy raccoon from the offices on the top floor for me? It’s about … *this* big. – What do you mean, you can’t get out of the car? – (pokes his head into the car) No, those ropes seem pretty tight to me, too. … Is that ivory trim?

Ah, shucks. I would do my best ninja impression on the way up, but when the elevator door at the top floor opened, I already looked into Valdes’ grim face. What is it, Nick? – No, this series also does not take place in Portland. They play in Elk City. – No, I don’t know what happened in New York, I was passed out for parts of that. I’m only here to collect Honeypaws and - … oh, we have to discuss this NOW? … In my office I found Honeypaws… and also Slappy, who was watching Corcoran stare down Tom Hawkins with a yellow dot on field schematic in the bottom right corner hinting at Berto having reached base to begin the game. Nick Valdes closed the door behind me and bickered that he insisted on talking about the team’s lack of progress right now. Both me and Slappy groaned and even Honeypaws’ whiskers hung a bit lower now. Hawkins’ single to left was met with a double play grounder off Stalker’s stick and then Zitzner flying out to Nick Carpenter in center, so no instant offense to distract the grumpy owner. Much the opposite – D.J. Robinson hit a leadoff single in the bottom 1st, stole second base unopposed, and then the ****ing Elks plated two on a Jesse LeJeune triple and Toby Ross’ sac fly. Man, Nick, don’t you also hate Jesse LeJeune…? – No, I don’t know why he’s not on our team.

The Coons barely got Manny Fernandez around to score after a leadoff double in the second, but Sabre kept leaking with Edgar Barrios’ leadoff jack in the bottom of the same inning, already digging a 3-1 hole. Given the team’s historic lack of success against the former beer leaguer Corcoran I accepted my fate and began to dig into Slappy’s snacks – also all of liquid nature. They didn’t quite manage to help me tune out Valdes’ bickering though, nor did they make the game any more bearable. While the Raccoons ticked Corcoran for seven hits in four innings, they still didn’t manage more than one ****ty run. The damn Elks pretty much scored at Will Korecky, who hit a leadoff single in the bottom 4th, moved up on a grounder, and scored on Bobby Gonzales’ single. Sabre ****ing walked Carpenter, Corcoran bunted the runners over, and D.J. Robinson singled to right, because why not. Gonzales scored, 5-1, and Robinson scored on an errant throw my feckless, useless, gutless Billy Jennings, 6-1. That was the score after the commotion settled down – the throw was more scored like 9-dugout. While Valdes snarled that he was no longer going to pay millions and millions for a team that was playing abroad all the time and not scoring as many points as the other team, and I offered variations of “it is what it is” after having resigned on the season, an annoyed Slappy gradually increased the TV volume to catch the meltdown’s commentary.

Hawkins in the fifth and Scheffer in the sixth hit pointless solo home runs in support of a long-deceased effort of keeping up with the Titans. It only got the score back to 6-3, and that was before John Hennessy’s sticky paws of doom left marks all over the ballpark. He allowed a leadoff single to Barrios on an 0-2 pitch in the bottom 6th. The damn Elks maneuvered the run around with a 2-out RBI single by Corcoran, because why not, and Valdes tilted completely at that point. Slappy found out that the TV wouldn’t ****ing go any louder, and I had seen and heard enough and grabbed Honeypaws and went home, out of the office, down the elevator, and straight to the limousine. I opened the right rear door, got in, and asked the driver what his name was – Bo. Alright, Bo, drive me and my toy raccoon home, please. When he hesitated, I gave him the briefs on the game and Valdes’ mood. Bo kicked the limousine into gear at once. After a brisk drive through town, he parked up in front of my house. I got up, went up to get some scissors from the kitchen and invited him to come up with me after cutting the ropes. We arrived in my living room and in front of the TV just in time to see Dusty Kulp surrounded by Jennings, Zeltser, Ramos, and – at the plate – Hawkins, the tying run, with nobody out in the ninth inning. I poured three glasses for Honeypaws, me, and my new friend Bo, then toasted to Bo: “**** Nick Valdes.” – “**** Nick Valdes”, Bo replied. We emptied the glasses just as Tom Hawkins singled, plating one run. Rich Vickers hit for Stalker, who was on two double plays already, but flew out. Zitzner struck out. Fernandez grounded out to first. **** the Coons. **** the Elks. **** Nick Valdes. 7-4 Canadiens. Ramos 3-5; Hawkins 3-5, HR, 2 RBI; Reichardt 2-4, 2B; Scheffer 2-4, HR, RBI; Zeltser (PH) 1-1;

The next morning, Bo and me agreed over eggs and toast that we had to get back to our lives. We hugged goodbye, and I deleted all 15 messages from Valdes on my phone before starting to drink right after breakfast.

Starting to drink right after breakfast was the only way to cope.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Okrasinski
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – RF Korecky – 2B Barrios – SS B. Gonzales – C R. Castillo – CF Creech – P Marsh

As proof that new horrors were being spawned every day, the Raccoons opened the game with a Ramos single, a Zeltser single, and a Wallace homer… and got one run for it. Ramos had been caught stealing, Zeltser was picked off, and Wallace’ dinger was a solo shot. Portland got to three runs by the third inning, then however with some mighty assistance of the red-clad group of bandits. Thompson drew a leadoff walk and was bunted over by Okrasinski – who looked like an explosion waiting to occur once more – before Ramos reached on a Gonzales error. Thompson moved to third, then scored when Marsh balked. That also got Ramos to second, and Berto scored on Zeltser’s bloop single, 3-0. The team stopped there, because why produce more when three oughta be plenty, right? Okrasinski had begun the game with two walks and only mildly improved from there. The damn Elks stranded pairs in the first and fourth innings as well as solo runners on occasion, and somehow remained 3-hit through six innings despite Okrasinski looking unfit for duty of any sort. LeJeune hit a loud ball to begin the bottom 6th, but even that one ended up too high and short and fell into Wallace’s glove at the edge of the warning track. Nevertheless, the Critters didn’t hit for Okrasinski with Reichardt and Thompson on the corners and two outs in the seventh. He struck out, predictably, gave up a 1-out double to Ricky Castillo in the bottom of the inning, but the Elks still failed to topple him after that. He logged two more outs in the eighth, then was lifted with 95 pitches on the clock and LeJeune drawing up. The Raccoons sent David Fernandez, who gave up a long fly to right, but that ended up with the other Fernandez, who then hit a triple in the ninth off Marsh, who went the distance, but not without surrendering the run on a 2-out single by Reichardt. With the lead up to four, Fernandez remained on the mound for the bottom 9th and retired Korecky, Barrios, and Gonzales in order. 4-0 Raccoons. Zeltser 2-4, RBI; Reichardt 2-4, RBI; Okrasinski 7.2 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 3 K, W (9-4);

Thisss game wasss… ss… mushmorewatchabllll. – hcks! – That is when you stardrinkinininnnnnn…ze morning.

Hcks!!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 1B Jennings – C Thompson – RF Pinkerton – P del Rio
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Barrios – SS B. Gonzales – CF Creech – P Pearce

After Zeltser walked and Stalker singled, Wallace’s sac fly and Reichardt’s triple each produced a first-inning run for a neat start, but there was still a del Rio-sized obstacle to any sort of calmness. He started the game with a leadoff walk to Robinson, and I already had 5-out, 8-run flashbacks to Tuesday. Detestable Dusty Mezzanotte, who had been so far invisible in this set, walked on four pitches, but LeJeune’s double play grounder and Reichardt’s quick hindpaws against Toby Ross contained the Elks in the opening frame. The Coons’ pitcher made an error to create a 2-on, 1-out situation in the bottom 2nd before bailing out against the 8-9 batters, then got two more runs of support in the top 3rd. Ramos led off with a single, stole two bases, and came in on a Reichardt sac fly with Zeltser and Wallace also on base. Jennings was nailed and Thompson drew a bases-loaded walk to push in the second and final run of the inning – Pinkerton struck out in his best Sean Catella impression.

After 14 scoreless innings the damn Elks got on the board with a Ross homer in the fourth, so this game wasn’t out of the woods yet, especially since del Rio managed another mad fifth inning, allowing a single to Pearce, in the ropes as the Elks’ makeshift starter may have been, before hitting Robinson in the noggin, requiring an injury replacement in form of ex-Logger Lazaro Hernandez. Mezzanotte then hit into a double play to end the inning. Neither pitcher shone in the top 6th; Thompson walked, Pinkerton singled (huzzah!), and del Rio laid down a bad bunt. Pearce was all over it, thought of getting two, then reconsidered and attempted to get the lead runner … too late, he got nobody. All paws were safe on the once-over-here, twice-over-there, and-an-apology play. Pearce proceeded to come apart, with Berto hitting a sac fly to left, Zeltser drawing another walk (the fifth off Pearce), and then Stalker singled through Hernandez to get a sixth run in. That was the end for Pearce, replaced by lefty Sean LaRue with three on and one out. The tender, 21-year-old rookie rung up Wallace, then got Reichardt to fly out to LeJeune to strand all the precious runners. The Elks in turn stranded LeJeune after a leadoff double in the sixth, but del Rio served up a pinch-hit homer to half-dead Alex Torres in the seventh, but still maintained a 6-2 lead through the inning. He made it to the eighth before being knocked out by Ross and Korecky, who both hit 1-out singles. David Fernandez was back in the game right away, served up a 3-run homer to Barrios, and suddenly it was a 1-run game. Goodness gracious… The Coons’ offense had long gone home, so Ed Blair had only his own wisdom to fall back upon in the ninth inning. He struck out Castillo and Hernandez before Mezzanotte poked a 1-2 pitch into play. Blair handled it himself to end the game. 6-5 Coons. Zeltser 1-2, 3 BB; Stalker 2-5, 2B, RBI;

In other news

July 4 – The Falcons trade SP Doug Clifford (9-3, 3.25 ERA) to the Blue Sox, along with cash, for two prospects.
July 4 – In the Condors’ 17-5 rout of the Thunder, TIJ OF Chris Murphy (.252, 5 HR, 38 RBI) drives in five runs from the leadoff spot. The 29-year-old centerfielder lands three hits and draws two walks.
July 6 – Both teams shoot four home runs, but the Warriors out-hit the Wolves, 21-17, and also draw nine walks compared to one for Salem to come out well on top in a 20-10 slugfest. The rout is on from the start, with the Warriors holding a lead of six runs or greater from the second inning onwards. SFW RF/1B/LF Travis Sheaffer (.261, 13 HR, 60 RBI) leads all players with six RBI, collected on two singles and a grand slam.

Complaints and stuff

That was … a week.

The best thing about this part of the schedule is that the Crusaders will be right back on top of us after the break, and then it’s the Titans without any time to dry that stream of tears. Declaring the upcoming 7-game homestand to be pivotal might be short-selling it.

Sunday was the first time in July that the Coons scored more than four runs. So that is how we got a head start on our 11 monthly losses! The picture looks even grimmer in terms of runs; 29 runs scored in nine games, and 44 conceded…

Somehow the Raccoons were allowed to send three players to the All Star Game. Somehow that set would include Chris Wise, which was absolutely beyond anything I could comprehend. Wise was now a back-to-back All Star for whatever reason. Bernie Chavez was elected for the first time. Alberto Ramos would make his fourth appearance, and the first since ’31.

Meanwhile the July window for signing international teen boys for baseball purposes has been open for a bit over a week and the Raccoons have so far gobbled up three players for less than $100k total. The interesting player we are after is already costing way more than that, but our scout guy, Perez or something, likes the makeup of 17-year-old soft-spoken, well-mannered left-hander Angelo Montano. Oh, and his pitching, too.

Fun Fact: The Crusaders have not won the North since 2016, but also have not finished last since 2002.

They also haven’t finished second since ’26, when we beat them by five games. Their last winning record was in ’28. Like the Titans, they have been a violently-ON or violently-OFF team throughout the league’s history. Their 11 playoff appearances came bunched up in the first three years of the ABL (with one title) and then eight times in a 10-year stretch from 2007 to 2016, with a pair of three-peats from 2007-09 and 2013-15.

Their long-time abstinence from last place is however not only the best mark in the CL North, but in the entire ABL. Nobody is even close – the next-longest stints of not coming last are maintained by the Gold Sox (2015) and Capitals (2017).

[Westheim]

All Star Game

For the second year in a row, Nashville’s Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.349, 10 HR, 60 RBI) cashes ASG MVP honors with two hits with a home run and one RBI in the FL’s 4-1 win over the CL’s selection. The remaining runs come on a 3-run homer by SAC Mark Vermillion off BOS Tony Chavez. CHA Ernesto Huichapa has the lone CL RBI.

For Portland, Alberto Ramos goes 1-for-4. Bernie Chavez surrenders the Allen home run in his inning of work. Chris Wise pitches a scoreless inning.

Raccoons (52-37) vs. Crusaders (40-49) – July 13-16, 2034

Revenge was on my mind – I just didn’t know whether the boys could dole it out. Hopefully three days off would have been enough to recharge those batteries and get at the throats of the Crusaders, who led the season series 5-3 now, and had pummeled the Raccoons enough to be an almost respectably offensive team…

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (8-4, 3.56 ERA) vs. Rodolfo Cervantes (7-3, 2.48 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-2, 2.37 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (6-6, 3.56 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (8-4, 3.82 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (2-8, 3.87 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (9-4, 4.12 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (5-8, 3.93 ERA)

No left-hander anywhere near.

Game 1
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B S. Williams – SS Schuler – P Cervantes
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – RF Jennings – P Sabre

Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, had batted 7-for-17 with two homers and 6 RBI in the set in New York, which wasn’t something I would survive twice in a month, but there he was, singling off Sabre in the second inning, the first Crusader to reach base. Nothing came of it, but I new the signs when I saw them; I had been around this team for a while… and the sky was pretty damn dark, too…

While Portland took a 1-0 lead in the third inning when Bob Zeltser singled home Billy Jennings with two outs, we had a rain delay as early as the fourth, so that was probably going to **** with Sabre no matter what. As if on command, the ****ing ****stain Howden, also a dumb pig, hit a game-tying homer to lead off the fifth. There was no sharpness left to Sabre by that point, and he was lifted after five and two thirds, with Chris Reardon on first base and Barend Kok coming up. Hennessy got the assignment and whiffed the old Falcon on a dubious strike three call in a full count. Zeltser led off the bottom 6th with a double off Cervantes. The Crusaders played the double play card, walked Wallace with intent, but got only a common groundout from Zitzner, presenting Manny Fernandez with a solid chance… or another intentional walk. Bases loaded for Tim Stalker, which had been such a good and productive situation before the break (…), and he didn’t disappoint, hitting into a double play on the first pitch, killing the inning. In turn, Nick Bates was torn to shreds in the seventh, allowing an infield single to PH Ryan Czachor (that was hard to do…), then a colossal bomb to Stephen Williams. Schuler singled, then scored on a 2-out hit by Jose Balado, 4-1. Kok added a homer off Prieto in the eighth, making it ELEVEN homers for New York off Portland pitching in five games.

Bottom 8th, Cervantes was knocked out on straight singles by the 1-2-3 batters to begin the inning. Wallace plated Berto, and the tying run came up in Zitzner, who would face left-hander Jorge Farinas and again uselessly grounded out. Fernandez and Stalker both popped out. In the ninth and facing Mike Hugh, Jennings would draw a 1-out walk before Rich Vickers hit into a double play. 5-2 Crusaders. Zeltser 3-4, 2B, RBI; Wallace 2-3, BB, RBI; Jennings 2-3, BB;

What the **** is going on with this team?

Game 2
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 3B Czachor – 1B J. Brown – SS Schuler – P E. Cannon
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – RF Jennings – P Chavez

Straight base hits by the 6-7-8 batters brought up Bernie Chavez in the bottom of the second inning with three aboard and one out, which really felt like the new three on, no outs. Chavez popped out, for which he would not be flagellated, but after Ramos grounded out Bernie also served up homer #12 in this four-and-four nightmare, a solo shot by Jose Balado, and for that he WOULD be flagellated. The soul grind continued with Zeltser reaching on a 2-base throwing error to begin the bottom 3rd and being left squat at second. The Crusaders kept trying their darndest to keep the game interesting though, with Monge losing a pitch for a passed ball after the fourth innings’ leadoff walk to Tim Stalker, who would then score from second base on Jennings’ single through Josh Brown at first base. Eddie Cannon bunted into a double play in the 1-1 tie in the fifth, and Stalker zinged a 1-out triple in the sixth that was surely going to bring out the worst in Elliott Thompson again. Cannon managed to walk the catcher instead, bringing up Jennings who flew out to Kok. Stalker was sent, because that was the one and only chance, and arrived just ahead of the throw, giving the home team a rare 2-1 lead. Next thing to dazzle you was Bernie slapping a 2-out RBI double on a 1-2 pitch. Berto would bring in a single, but that was not going to score Bernie, and Zeltser ended up flying out, but at least we had a lead in a non-trivial part of the game against the excruciating Crusaders!

Randy Schuler’s homer to begin the eighth cut the lead in half (#13, too), and a pinch-hit single by Stephen Williams knocked out Chavez. With Howden, the dumb pig, hitting for Balado, the Coons sent David Fernandez, who held on to the lead with two groundouts and a K to Hurtado, but Ed Blair in the ninth very much didn’t. Fernando Garcia opened with a pinch-hit single, but was still on first base with two outs, which looked promising… at least until Josh Brown and Randy Schuler hit back-to-back home runs. Mike Hugh came apart in the bottom 9th with Ramos, Zeltser, and Fernandez all hitting doubles to get the score back even at five, but Stalker flew out to strand the winning run at second base, just when I was going to untie the noose again. Chris Wise held on in the top of the 10th, then was hit for in a prime spot in the bottom 10th with Hugh having allowed singles to Preston Pinkerton (who had been the unnecessary defensive relief for Jimmy Wallace) and an unretired Billy Jennings. Pinkerton and the W were 90 feet away with nobody out. Reichardt was the last guy on the bench and hit a fly to left that Matt Jamieson caught, but couldn’t get back to home plate in time – Pinkerton scored to walk off the Critters. 6-5 Raccoons. Ramos 2-5, 2B; Stalker 2-4, BB, 3B; Thompson 1-2, BB; Pinkerton 1-1; Jennings 4-4, 2 RBI; Reichardt (PH) 0-0, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 8 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 6 K and 1-2, 2B, RBI;

This win gave me no joy! It was a bitter win, that nevertheless failed to give comfort to this bitter man!

And no, we ain’t got no closer.

With Travis Zitzner in a marvelous 0-for-25 stretch, the Raccoons hauled in a replacement from AAA. Preston Pinkerton was optioned to make room for Chiyosaku Maruyama, who was hitting .238 with 10 homers in St. Pete, but I had to try SOMETHING.

Next guy to serve up a bomb will be turned into napkins!

Game 3
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – SS Schuler – P J. Martin
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – RF Jennings – 1B Maruyama – C Scheffer – P del Rio

The debutee dropped a Ramos feed for an error as early as the third inning, then putting Joe Martin on base, who had flummoxed the Coons for his second win of the season a week ago and now was lusting for his third. He faced the minimum the first time through, though Wallace singled and was double-played away by Reichardt. Del Rio went off like a fire engine, striking out seven in four innings and didn’t allow a base hit at the same time, although he had walked Balado at the very start of the game. Howden, the dumb pig, landed a single to center at the start of the fifth inning, then was double-played bag into his goddamn pig stall of a dugout by Czachor. Schuler struck out, giving del Rio 8 K in a scoreless affair.

102 pitches and 10 strikeouts into the game, del Rio had completed seven innings but still was not in line for anything but another scratch in the well-worn “oh shucks, at least you tried” column. Part of the blame was on him, because he had a hand in Joe Martin STILL having faced the minimum through six innings. Ramos had singled in the fourth and had been caught stealing, and Scheffer had singled in the sixth and had been bowled off on a terrible bunt for another double play by del Rio. Maybe the bottom 7th would bring a breakthrough! Bob Zeltser wrapped a double past Barend Kok to get somebody into scoring position for the first time since Balado in the first. Stalker struck out. Wallace struck out. Nobody scored.

Garavito and Wise completed regulation from a Coons pitching standpoint, but we got to see a bottom of the ninth. Rin Nomura faced Scheffer to lead off that inning, which would surely totally see us walk off winners. Scheffer grounded out. Zitzner grounded out. Ramos flew out to Reardon. Ed Blair held the Crusaders to zero in the 10th, giving the ball back to Nomura, who had actually been a fairly reliable reliever for New York this season, so we’d probably be here all night, and my booze was almost out. The 2-3-4 batters were retired in order, with two strikeouts. Nomura retired the first two batters in the 11th, too, then allowed a single to Maruyama, the Japanese fill-in’s first career hit. Scheffer and Vickers both walked, presenting Ramos with three on and two outs. His single to center ended the misery. 1-0 Blighters. Ramos 2-5, RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 10 K; Wise 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Nick Bates got the win for a scoreless 11th, giving him a 1-1 record in addition to a 10.13 ERA.

Berto’s walkoff single also exposed the attendance to Maruyama (1-4, K, E) stepping onto home plate, and while his teammates tried to huddle and cuddle him (I had no desire…), he shooed them away before chanting something in Japanese and going some weird motions. Seemed like a ritual, but I was too afraid to ask. Cristiano Carmona, always the nerd, volunteered his opinion that Maruyama was channeling a samurai’s ghost in his heart so that the ghost would help him to defeat his mortal enemies even quicker next time around.

Well, golly Moses, I would appreciate that too!

Game 4
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – SS J. Brown – P Holliday
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF Jennings – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Okrasinski got swamped right from the start, with Balado’s double and a pair of singles putting him in 1-0 hole, and when Kok hit into a double play he still managed to put another three batters on base and give up another run before Josh Brown’s deep fly to center off a lousy 0-2 pitch was caught by Fernandez to strand a full set of runners. One of those extra batters, Monge, reached base by being hit by a pitch, and Okrasinski also nailed Holliday at the start of the second inning. The Crusaders’ starter was hurting enough to have to leave the game. Reardon would hit into a double play before that inning could get out of hand, and the Coons got Fernandez on base and around to score on a 2-out double by Elliott Thompson. Monge hit into another double play in the top 3rd, getting the New Yorkers to 3-for-3 in that regard in this Sunday game. The Critters in turn tied the game against right-hander Keith Black, who had replaced the fallen Holliday. Berto reached base to begin the bottom 3rd, stole second, advanced on a shallow single by Zeltser, and eventually came in to tie the game on Stalker’s sac fly. Wallace then walked, and so did Jennings to keep the line going. Fernandez batted with three on and one out, which had yet to give the Coons anything good in this series. Here he slapped an RBI single to claim the lead on the very first pitch, so I’d chalk that up as a goodie. Next up and still with three aboard was Maruyama, who chucked into the long-awaited double play to end the inning…

Howden hit another single (5-for-9 in this set now…) to lead off the fourth, took off to steal his first base of the year, and even reached third base with nobody out when the entirely useless scumbag behind the dish threw the ball to Manny Fernandez. Somehow, Okrasinski got through, though, collecting three outs on pops or grounders that all kept Howden, the dumb pig, stranded at third base. Thompson at least drew a walk from lefty Bill Herrmann to begin the bottom 4th and scored on Bob Zeltser’s 2-out double, 4-2 Coons, but the Crusaders pulled that run back immediately when Balado reached, stole second (can anybody here THROW A ****ING BASEBALL??), and scored on a Kok single in the fifth. Howden, the dumb pig, drew a leadoff walk in the next inning, but Czachor was back with a double play grounder.

Maybe the bullpen day would kill the Crusaders before Okrasinski could deal mortal damage to his own team, though. Maruyama hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, but was forced out on a bad bunt by the pitcher. Berto singled with two outs, Zeltser hit an RBI single, and Stalker doubled for another run, knocking out Herrmann. Wallace then flew out to strand a pair against new lefty Jamie O’Leary. Okrasinski got only one more out from the pinch-hitter Williams in the seventh before Balado legged out an infield single. Prieto replaced the starter, threw to first base four times, and Balado STILL STOLE SECOND BASE off the sleeping Thompson, who was hit for in the bottom 7th with three on (Jennings walk, Fernandez single, Maruyama walk) and nobody out, because I had enough of him. Tom Hawkins drew a bases-loaded walk in his place, Zitzner plated a run via a 6-4-3 double play (…), and Berto grounded out solemnly to conclude the seventh with an 8-3 lead. The eighth saw two singles off Hennessy and Howden, the dumb pig, hitting into a double play, leading to exuberant cheering from the crowd. 8-3 Raccoons. Zeltser 4-5, 2B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Hawkins (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI;

In other news

July 11 – SFW 1B Kevin Harenberg (.280, 5 HR, 36 RBI) will be out for a month with a separated shoulder.
July 13 – The Thunder pick up the not-so-well-aging Firmino Cambra (.280, 0 HR, 2 RBI) in a trade with the Rebels, who receive a minor leaguer and a prospect.
July 14 – The Scorpions send C/1B Mitch Cook (.269, 8 HR, 35 RBI) to the Rebels for two prospects. The package includes #10 prospect SP Tommy Kubik.
July 16 – The Thunder beat the Condors, 11-7 in 16 innings. Both teams initially peter out at six runs in the seventh inning before putting up a single run in the 15th before the Thunder break through in the top of the 16th.

Complaints and stuff

50 runners have attempted to steal off Elliott Thompson this year. He has thrown out FOUR. Runners have a 92% success rate against him. If Tony Morales hit at least a wheeze more than .243 in AAA, the switch would have been made yesterday…

Maruyama is a right-handed batter, basic defensive first baseman, and not a revelation of any sort. We got him for basically free out of Japan, and he performed in AAA like a basically free player does perform in AAA. But Zitzner had apparently had some sort of stroke to drop to 0-for-25 and some move had to be made. Bad Luck Travis had actually started all the Coons games this year right up until the last one before the All Star Game, in which he hadn’t appeared at all, and – oh look – we actually won that one.

Never again a player named Travis! That is a firm rule now! Never again a player named Travis on this team, neither as given or as surname. Over my dead body we’ll have another Travis disaster!!

Fun Fact: Travis Zitzner is by far the most successful Travis the Raccoons have ever had in terms of WAR.

The competition isn’t exactly fierce. And Zitzner was of good use last year and up til June, but now he’s 0-for-27 and I hate him. He hit .290 with 21 homers last year. Now he’s at .235 with 12 homers and a .694 OPS.

There have been four other players with the given name Travis on the team, only one of them a batter: Travis Owens caught in 113 games between 2010 and 2011 and was reliably average. At least he could throw out a damn runner from time to time.

Travis Brown was the Coons’ first Travis, a terrible left-handed reliever that got lit up for an 8.10 ERA in 13 games and just 6.2 innings in 1988 and 1989, and never got another ABL stint anywhere.

The many mental scars inflicted by Travis Garrett have yet to heal. Garrett showed up in the rotation with alarming regularity from 2019 through 2024 and never did anything useful. His best ERA was 3.64 in ’23 over 24 starts. Even then he walked more than five batters per nine innings…

The scourge of Travis Coffee is still with us in AAA. He has gotten more than just cups of coffee and has been consistently awful; enough so that in 24 games (17 starts) he hasn’t even been worth a full win above replacement…

Travis Zitzner … +5.7 WAR
Travis Garrett … +3.2 WAR
Travis Owens … +2.1 WAR
Travis Coffee … +0.6 WAR
Travis Brown … -0.1 WAR

[Westheim]

Raccoons (55-38) vs. Titans (56-36) – July 17-19, 2034

The Raccoons, down 3-6 in the season series, had some rallying to do against these Titans, who came in for a 3-game set with the eighth-best offense in the CL, but also allowing the fewest runs. How well that would gel with the Raccoons, who had suffered the most terrible pains scoring runs the entire month and whose pitching was never shy of a surprise, nasty or nice, remained to be seen…

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.66 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (9-5, 2.42 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-4, 3.46 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (8-8, 3.76 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-2, 2.38 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (8-4, 3.24 ERA)

Lefty, righty, lefty – I fear for our pelts regardless… Zitzner was in the starting lineup on Monday; maybe seeing a southpaw could revive him, but then again his lips were pretty blue and Dr. Chung’s medical training at the Pyongyang State School of Field Hospital Duty and Butchery had not prepared him for reviving anybody…

Game 1
BOS: CF M. Avila – SS Spataro – LF W. Vega – RF I. Vega – 1B M. Walker – 2B R. West – C Lessman – 3B Gil – P T. Chavez
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Rendon

Bad Luck Travis fell to 0-for-28 with a groundout in the first, but at least Wallace’s sac fly had plated Tom Hawkins from third base for the first marker of the game. Hawkins and Stalker had dropped 1-out hits on Tony Chavez, who was opposite Gilberto Rendon, who retired the first seven Titans in order, but I had seen that act before and it usually never ended well and did he really just drill Antonio Gil, well, yes of course he did… Bunted to second by Chavez, Gil scored on Moises’ Avila’s single and the game was tied at one. Portland countered with four straight base runners in the bottom of the inning, sparked by Hawkins drawing a walk. Stalker doubled him home, scored on a Wallace single, and even ZITZNER managed to drop in a ball for a single. Once in a blue moon, even a Travis can find a corn to peck. Mind, the single scored nobody and Reichardt flew out to send everybody back to the dugout, but baby steps, baby steps!

With Rendon leaving the Titans without another hit until Gil’s 2-out single in the fifth that led nowhere, the Raccoons were at least in a good spot for now. When Jimmy Wallace was back up he hit another 2-out single, this time scoring Alberto Ramos in the bottom 5th, running the tally to 4-1, and things looked bright – … until you realized, oops, no, that’s the headlights of a semi truck, and he’s coming right at you and not gonna stop. The Titans had their own 2-out agenda in the sixth inning. The Vegas, Willie and Ivan, got on base, Mark Walker doubled them home in the leftfield corner, and Hawkins’ grip on a fast bouncer by Rhett West barely kept the 4-3 lead intact. Gil’s 1-out triple in the seventh knocked out Rendon; David Fernandez popped up Bobby Beam, and Avila was retired on strikes to save the lead that time, while in between the two Titans’ half-innings the Raccoons had put four runners on base and had scored nobody thanks to Reichardt being caught stealing in a failed hit-and-run with Jennings, and Hawkins flying out to Avila with Jennings, Scheffer, and Berto all aboard. Top 8th, Fernandez walked Willie Vega, but somehow Prieto and Garavito would maneuver through the next batters without forfeiting the game. That would be left to Ed Blair in the ninth. The second-choice dimwit walked David Lessman, the Coons could only get the lead runner on Gil’s grounder, and then Edgar Gonzalez pinch-hit a homer on a 2-2 pitch with two outs to flip the score FINALLY the Titans’ way. It was unbelievable, in the sense that nobody could believe it if it was seen in a ****ing movie. What a terrible script! The Raccoons would bat again in the bottom 9th, leading off with Maruyama in the #9 hole against Tim Zimmerman after the Japanese first baseman had entered in a double switch. He popped out. Ramos singled, then was polished off on Hawkins’ 4-6-3 grounder. 5-4 Titans. Ramos 2-4, BB; Stalker 2-4, 2B, RBI; Wallace 2-3, 3 RBI;

Between Wise and Blair we have 9 blown saves. They are almost ready to catch the total of base stealers that Scheffer and Thompson have thrown out, which is 11.

Game 2
BOS: CF M. Avila – SS Spataro – LF W. Vega – RF I. Vega – 1B M. Walker – 2B R. West – C Lessman – 3B Gil – P Willett
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF Jennings – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P Sabre

Sabre struck out five the first time through the order, but things quickly turned due south. Gil had already walked in the top 3rd, and so did Keith Spataro with two outs. From here Sabre balked, then conceded a single to left wo Willie Vega. Gil scored, Spataro was thrown out to end the inning, but why not pop the Capt’n Coma before the Coons’ pitcher comes to bat for the first time? When Sabre batted, he struck out, and when he returned to pitching he loaded the bases with nobody out. Ivan Vega singled, Mark Walker singled, Rhett West walked – all with two strikes on each and every one of them. Lessman hit a sac fly, also with two strikes, to give the Titans a 2-0 lead, which was probably game, set, and match at this point…

For now, the Coons talked me down from the stool, though. Manny Fernandez plated Wallace with two outs in the fourth, and Thompson reached leading off the bottom 5th with a double to center and was singled in by Berto to tie the game. The tie remained in place until Sabre was removed after six and a third following a K to West. Hennessy was brought on to face the left-handed bats at the bottom of the order, struck out Lessman, walked Edgar Gonzalez, Monday’s dismal rat that had batted for Gil, then rung up Willett. Scoring another run would help, but the Critters would be batting again in the bottom 9th. At least the worst that could happen now was extras since Wise, Garavito, and Bates had held on and stranded Pat Sanford at third base in the top of the ninth. Portland carted up the 5-6-7 batters against… Willett, who they still hadn’t got out of the game. Billy Jennings’ leadoff double to right-center prompted an intentional walk to Manny Fernandez, and then removal for J.D. Hamm, a right-hander. Hawkins batted for Maruyama and Hamm threw only one pitch to him. Hawkins knocked it to left for a single, Jennings read it well and kicked it in sixth gear right away. Willie Vega’s throw was late – and the Raccoons walked off for once. 3-2 Coons! Ramos 2-4, RBI; Stalker 2-4, 2B; Hawkins (PH) 1-1, RBI;

Game 3
BOS: 3B Gil – SS Spataro – LF W. Vega – CF – M. Avila – RF M. Walker – 2B R. West – C Lessman – 1B E. Gonzalez – P M. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P B. Chavez

Mario Gonzalez was lost to injury after only one (scoreless) inning, which gave the Raccoons an edge in what instantly became a must-win game. Right-hander Alan Mays was tabbed for long relief and gave up a run in the bottom 2nd right away. Wallace singled, Zitzner walked (at least something…), and Jennings landed an RBI single. The bases filled up with a Scheffer single, but Chavez whiffed and Berto flew out to Vega to strand three. Relief man remedy was delivered in the top of the third inning, with Mays hitting a double off Chavez, who should be flogged for such offenses, and then scored on a Spataro single to tie the game at one. A Mark Walker homer then gave them the lead in the fourth…

Urgency was not a word that was in the Coons’ dictionary. They reacted by doing NOTHING. Chavez engorged himself in full counts and was done after six innings, but at least Scheffer had caught Avila stealing at some point, so they at least theoretically knew that they could get a runner out this way… Bottom 6th then, with lefty Wyatt Hamill pitching. Stalker legged out a leadoff single that wouldn’t leave the infield, then made for third on Wallace’s single to right, supported by Walker flubbing the pickup for an error. Stalker stayed at third base with the tying run, but Wallace made it to second with the go-ahead marker, IF the 5-6-7 batters could find a productive appearance in their hearts at all. They didn’t. Zitzner, the ****ing ****head, hit a comebacker, Reichardt popped out, and while Jennings walked, that only allowed Scheffer to strike out with three left aboard… Leave me alone, Maud, I will have my Capt’n Coma now! – No, the entire bottle!! (wrestles Maud)

Boston took an insurance run in the eighth; Prieto stupidly issued two walks, and David Fernandez bobbled a Walker grounder with two outs into an RBI infield single. The usual sort of hah-hah by the baseball gods, y’know. Fernandez came apart for another run on Gonzalez and Spataro singles, with a Sean Bowman walk in between, in the ninth inning. Not that it mattered. The Raccoons showed no interest whatsoever of playing October baseball ever again. 4-1 Titans. Stalker 2-4; Wallace 2-4; Jennings 1-2, BB, RBI; Scheffer 2-4;

(holds a bag of ice to his rapidly blackening eye) I forgot that Maud was state vice-champion in wrestling as a junior in high school.

Then she won the damn thing outright in her senior year because all the boys were afraid of her.

Still – ah! – not as bad as Mario Gonzalez, who was done for 12 months with a damaged elbow ligament.

Raccoons (56-40) @ Falcons (49-46) – July 21-23, 2034

The Falcons came in just having traded away SP Mario Bojorques (4-6, 3.91 ERA) for prospects, he was a Thunder now. When they weren’t actively shedding players, they were in fifth place, but 8 1/2 games out in the South. Their offense was crummy, third-fewest runs with the lowest batting average (then again, our second-place average didn’t get us anywhere either). Their pitching was modest, a solid rotation with an explosive bullpen. They had a -26 run differential (Coons: still +72, somehow), so they probably saw the writing on the wall… We had swept them the first time we had seen them this year.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (8-4, 3.60 ERA) vs. Chris Turner (0-3, 4.73 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (10-4, 4.13 ERA) vs. John Jackson (5-9, 4.46 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.64 ERA) vs. Matt Moon (10-5, 2.09 ERA)

Southpaw to begin the set, then two right-handers.

Game 1
POR: SS Zeltser – 3B Hawkins – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – RF Jennings – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P del Rio
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – LF Trahan – RF Montes – C Huichapa – 1B R. Morales – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B O. Camacho – CF Garbinski – P C. Turner

When Maruyama plated his first run in the majors he did so with Reichardt coming across (wild pitch-aided to boot…) groundout in the second inning. Maruyama, undeterred by having made an OUT, upon crossing first base struck another samurai pose and remained in that until carried back to the dugout by Reichardt and the first base coach. Oh whatever, we’re up 1-0 … The antics got worse in the fifth, which Jennings led off with a double to center – only the Coons’ second base hit in the game – advanced on a passed ball, and scored on a Maruyama single. Now allowed to remain on first base, Maruyama opened the top of his uniform to reveal a gong, which he promptly hit four times with a stick so far hidden in his pants, bowing in one of the four cardinal directions after each gong stroke. Chris Turner was as confused as anybody in this 2-0 game in which both teams had three hits now, with the Falcons having scattered theirs to no great effect so far. Maruyama ended up forced out on a bad bunt by del Rio, for which he berated him with great vigor on his way back to the dugout. Del Rio, not of the friendliest of natures especially when not at his best performance, slapped him in the helmet, leading to intensified bickering from Maruyama, to the first base ump carrying our player away this time, and to me heading for the nearest place that sold alcoholic beverages. The Coons somehow loaded the bases and Tim Stalker outlasted Turner’s junk to draw a 2-out bases-loaded walk, extending the score to 3-0. Wallace then grounded out. Bottom 5th, personalities clashed again; Greg Ortiz singled with one out, then was forced out on Omar Camacho’s grounder to Stalker. Del Rio went on to move the runner to third base via wild pitch and balk, which led to a mound conference… well… Maruyama stomped in and kept bickering at him in broken English, and before long they were both yelling at each other in Japanese and Spanish, respectively. This time Stalker carried Maruyama back to his position. Josh Garbinski then grounded out, stranding the runner at third…

For the second game in a row then, the opposing starting pitcher left with an injury. In Turner’s case it resulted from being run over by Greg Ortiz trying to field del Rio’s 2-out grounder in the top 6th. Ortiz was also removed for Danny Ruiz with a bum knee (probably the one that he slammed into Turner’s noggin), and adding insult to injury, del Rio was safe and Bob Zeltser came up with the bases loaded against lefty Juan Vela… and flew out to Andy Montes in right. Oh boy! Portland stranded another pair in the seventh when Jennings struck out with Wallace and Reichardt in scoring position. The buildup for another collapse was clearly there, but del Rio scattered only five hits in eight shutout innings. Ed Blair scattered another hit in the ninth. Well, that was an Andy Montes homer but at least there was nobody on base……. 3-1 Coons. Zeltser 3-5; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Reichardt 1-2, BB, 2B; del Rio 8.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 5 K, W (9-4) and 1-4;

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF Jennings – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – C Thompson – P Okrasinski
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – 2B Mack – RF Montes – C Huichapa – 1B R. Morales – 3B G. Ortiz – LF Trahan – CF Hubbard – P J. Jackson

Okrasinski used 20 pitches the first time through the lineup, which sounded better than it was given that he gave up three singles for a run in the bottom 2nd, Brian Hubbard singling home Roberto Morales, and then walked Jackson with two outs. Oscar Aguirre struck out to strand a full set, so at least it happened to the other teams too… Portland did little in the first few innings but sort of strung a few hits together in the top of the fourth. Wallace got on base, was forced out by Jennings, but Fernandez hit a 2-out single. Then came Zitzner, fell to 1-2, flailed and hit a poker to shallow center, and the damn thing dropped between Hubbard and Craig Mack. Since there were two outs, Jennings had gone all the way and scored to tie up the game at one run each. Thompson then drilled an RBI double to left, with Zitzner thrown out at home plate, ending the inning. Meanwhile, Okrasinski REALLY couldn’t handle the set of lefty bats at the bottom of the order; in the bottom 4th, Dave Trahan walked, Hubbard singled, all with two outs, and then Stalker had to stretch them old bones to reach Jackson’s grounder and play it for the third out. He had done away with the top of the order just fine twice, but then put Aguirre and Mack on base to begin the fifth. The defense held that one together, too, with Fernandez robbing Ernesto Huichapa in very deep center, and Stalker reaching for another 2-out grounder, this time Morales’.

Tim Stalker found Thompson (fielder’s choice), Ramos (walk), and Zeltser (single) aboard with two outs in the seventh and actually came through for once, slapping a single over Mack for two runs, 4-1. Jimmy Wallace fired the very next pitch at Mack, who had hit in the cup by a nasty hop and was charged an error for his misery. The bags were full again for Jennings, who saw out a full count, then ended Jackson with a 2-run single to center. Vela rung up Manny Fernandez to end the inning. The Raccoons would get seven complete innings from Okrasinksi on 101 pitches before defaulting to a left-hander for those tough-as-nails lefty bats in the bottom half… Hennessy and Bates ended the game without any funny accidents. 6-1 Critters! Stalker 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Zitzner 2-4, RBI; Thompson 2-4, 2B, RBI; Okrasinski 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, W (11-4);

That’s a clean-as-a-whistle 5-0 season series taken against the Falcons, although there was more to lighten a candle of joy in my heart on this day [see below], and there was still the trouble with the unresolved first base situation and the wonky pitching staff…

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – C Thompson – P Rendon
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – 2B Mack – RF Montes – C Huichapa – 1B R. Morales – 3B G. Ortiz – LF Garbinski – CF Hubbard – P Moon

Craig Mack’s first-inning homer was overturned in the third inning when the Coons got straight hits from their 1-2-3 batters to tie the score, and then a run-scoring groundout from Reichardt to move Zeltser across home plate, too, for a 2-1 lead. Thankfully, Rendon remained reliably **** and allowed a leadoff single to Aguirre in the bottom 3rd. Aguirre stole second, because Thompson was just as **** as Rendon, was doubled home by Montes with a fly to left, where Jimmy Wallace was just as **** as the other two, and then Roberto Morales hit a 2-out blooper for the go-ahead run to score, because the baseball gods were also all full of ****.

Nothing happened in the middle innings. The Raccoons played dead, and the Falcons just missed bowling over Rendon altogether, who conceded nine hits in six innings. Two left-handed Portland relievers (Fernandez, Garavito) then conceded another run in the seventh on two singles by left-handed Falcons hitters (Hubbard, Trahan) to fall behind 4-2. The Falcons pen then had their moment; three different relievers put Stalker, Reichardt, and Fernandez on base in the eighth. Right-hander Andy Cormier (5.84 ERA) then faced Zitzner with three on and two outs, and that was a big NO. Billy Jennings hit for him. …and flew out to Garbinski. Well, WE TRIED. It started to rain in the bottom 8th, in which Chris Wise struck out the side (too late…), and we got a rain delay after Danny Burgess hit Rich Vickers with a pitch to begin the ninth inning. The delay was brief and play resumed with Maruyama hitting in the #9 hole. After falling behind 1-2, the Japanese import of no specific purpose singled to center, so the tying runs were on for the top of the order. Berto struck out (…!), Burgess threw a wild pitch, but Zeltser only managed a sac fly. Tim Stalker ran a full count before slapping a ball through between Danny Ruiz and Roberto Morales on the right side, Maruyama came around and scored, and the game was tied! …and there were also two bat boys waiting at home plate to carry Maruyama away before he could be annoying.

Wise retired the bottom of the order to get the game to extras after Wallace flew out to end the top 9th. The Coons were in a predicament, though, with their bench completely empty and the pitcher batting 7th, or due up third in the 10th inning. Manny Fernandez hit a 1-out single off Pedro Cabrales in his season debut to at least give Wise a chance to bunt. Wise got the bunt down, Manny went to second, Vickers slipped a single through the right side, and Manny came around to score! Maruyama grounded out and we would try our luck with Blair in the bottom of the inning – options were few and far between at this point. Prieto was warming up as reserve, and then we only had an overcooked Hennessy left after that. Danny Ruiz ground out to Zeltser. Trahan fanned. Montes hit a liner to left, where Wallace dwelled. I screamed, Jimmy caught, and the Coons had a sweep in the bag…! 5-4 Critters! Stalker 4-5, 2B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB; Vickers (PH) 1-1, RBI; Maruyama 1-2; Wise 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K, W (5-7);

In other news

July 17 – Cursed MIL SP Josh Long (4-11, 3.63 ERA) gets to escape Milwaukee in a trade to the Bayhawks that sends four prospects the Loggers’ way. The package contains #37 prospect SP Sal Chavez.
July 19 – The Knights will be without OF/1B/SS Luis Inoa (.291, 5 HR, 48 RBI) until late August; the 23-year-old is down with an oblique strain.
July 21 – An unearned run ends the Indians’ and Thunder’s 17-inning marathon with a 6-5 Indians walkoff win. Mike Plunkett (.255, 7 HR, 47 RBI) singles home Dan Schneller. The Thunder make four errors in the game, the fatal one being committed by MR George Barnett (4-5, 6.86 ERA, 2 SV), who also gets the loss for his sins.
July 21 – The Warriors beat the Buffaloes, 14-4, on the strength of a 10-run seventh inning that takes the souls of four different Topeka pitchers.
July 22 – The Aces’ SP Nick Danieley (5-11, 5.08 ERA) sparkles in an otherwise rotten season with a no-hitter over the Canadiens! Danieley, 34 years old, walks three and rings up five batters in the Aces’ 2-0 win, which is also the franchise’s first-ever no-hitter.
July 22 – SAL OF/1B Rai Higashi (.298, 10 HR, 45 RBI) has three hits, a homer, a 5 RBI from the leadoff spot in the Wolves’ 18-2 spanking of the Capitals.
July 22 – RIC INF Jose Madrid (.228, 2 HR, 14 RBI) is out for the season with a torn labrum.
July 23 – The disintegrating Loggers send C Jim Young (.298, 3 HR, 34 RBI) to the Titans for another three prospects.
July 23 – The Indians’ 3B Pat Green (.212, 5 HR, 15 RBI) ends their game with the Thunder with a 12th-inning walkoff single, scoring Mike Grigsby for the only run in the 1-0 contest.

Complaints and stuff

Tim Stalker was Player of the Week! Our good old veteran batted .500 (12-24) with no homers (what’s a homer?) and 6 RBI this week. He also walked twice and somehow scored only three times. Stalker had five multi-hit games actually, but went out empty on Friday. It is the second time he was named Player of the Week, the other nod having come in May of ’29.

With my search of pitching improvements (we need a closer so badly…) not bearing much fruit, the Miners made a different offer today. They would send Yvon Bonaccorsi (.308, 8 HR, 34 RBI) over for Justin Marsingill (eh) and Dave Mendoza.

Now, a lot of this sounds good on paper, but … Mendoza is unranked but hitting around .300 in Aumsville and is on the way to Ham Lake at age 19… and Bonaccorsi is a left-handed outfielder, which doesn’t add much variety to the roster… and he is basically Jimmy Wallace with a bit more defense and a lot bigger salary. I’d think we’d want to pass on this one…

Maud called, and three diehard fans are camping in front of the stadium in Portland and hold a vigil for their favorite player, Travis Zitzner. Well, batting 5-for-53 he’s sure dead to me…

You know, Pat Okrasinski was this ho-hum signing because everybody else was supposed to get things done… and yet he leads the team with 11 wins. I guess it helps that they score five runs per game for him, and about two and three quarters for anybody else…..

The next win will be the franchise’s 4,800th in the regular season. The Thunder and Knights will line up next week, and I sure hope we don’t get it against the Knights… Monday will be an off day.

Fun Fact: The damn Elks have been no-hit four times in their existence.

There was Danieley this week. There was Mike Rutkowski in ’26 and Bryan Hanson in ’23 … and of course there was the finest one of all – Nick Brown’s no-hitter in their stupid faces, 18 years ago this September!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (59-40) @ Thunder (52-45) – July 25-27, 2034

The Thunder had lost four straight, and wouldn’t it be great if the Raccoons could run up the score some more on them? We had swept them in the first series of the season! Oklahoma was scoring the third-most runs, but also surrendering the third-most runs. They also had a few players on the DL, including starter Michael Donovan and outfielder Lorenzo Celaya, who could be highly annoying.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (10-3, 2.41 ERA) vs. Mario Bojorques (4-6, 3.91 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-4, 3.43 ERA) vs. John Nelson (10-7, 3.87 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-4, 3.38 ERA) vs. Chris Guyett (3-5, 4.37 ERA)

We’d get all of their right-handers, dodging their southpaws Joe Robinson and Tony Gallardo.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P Chavez
OCT: CF Olszewski – 3B Schmit – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – SS Serrato – LF Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – P Bojorques

Bob Zeltser, Jimmy Wallace, Drew Olszewski, and Andy Schmitt all hit singles in the first inning, and none of them scored. Runs on the board didn’t appear until the third inning, which Chavez began by striking out before the Raccoons’ 1-2-3-4 batters hit one, two, three, four singles. Stalker and Wallace got RBI’s, Reichardt struck out, but Manny Fernandez knocked in another pair with two outs to give Bernie a 4-0 lead in the quest for our 4,800th regular season win.

It was by no means a cakewalk for him, though. The Thunder kept poking and put Mike Burgess and Luis Sagredo on base with singles to begin the fourth inning. Alex Serrato lined to the right side after that, but Maruyama, the Japanese box of wonders, lunged and made the grab, and managed to fall onto Sagredo before he could retouch first base. Not a pretty double play, but 3-unassisted my furry bum, I’ll take that!! And then, because there’s no loving god, and life is just an endless parade of kicks in the groin, Steve Cutler homered to left anyway. In what was now regrettably a 4-2 game, the Raccoons didn’t do anything with the sticks anymore despite having gotten Bojorques out by the fifth inning, and Bernie kept leaking runners and was gone with one out in the bottom 7th, having issued a leadoff walk to Cutler. Alfredo Rojas lined out to Ramos, and then it was David Fernandez taking over with left-hander Firmino Cambra pinch-hitting in the #9 hole. Fernandez got the groundout, then yielded a single to Olszewski…. and a 3-run homer to switch-hitting Andy Schmit. And that was it. Four different Thunder pitchers retired the final 11 Raccoons in order. 5-4 Thunder. Zeltser 2-4; Stalker 2-4, RBI; Wallace 2-4, RBI; Maruyama 2-4;

There are no words.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – RF Jennings – 1B Zitzner – C Scheffer – P Sabre
OCT: CF Olszewski – 3B Schmit – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – SS Serrato – LF Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – P J. Nelson

Single, single, run-scoring wild pitch, walk, RBI double – Raffaello Sabre was in peak form right from the start of the game. The next three batters grounded out, plating two more runs, and burying the dismal Raccoons four runs deep after the opening inning. It was the only one Sabre finished before getting his numb skull caved in by Olszewski’s 2-run homer in the second, which is what you ****ing get by conceding a hard single to the ****ing opposing pitcher. The home run erased Billy Jennings’ from the top 2nd, an occurrence so isolated that the umpires had to give Jennings pointers about which way to run around the bases.

That was more or less the ballgame given how John Hennessy pitched slow and ineffective long relief that nevertheless kept the Thunder from touching home, while the Raccoons didn’t get back on base until Wallace walked with two outs in the sixth. He was left stranded, a fate not shared by Billy Jennings, who hit an infield single to start off the seventh inning and was immediately involved in Travis Zitzner’s hot double play mess. Zitzner also made the final out of the game against Steve Bailey with the tying run in the on-deck circle. Wallace and Fernandez hit 1-out singles in the ninth, Wallace even scored on a Jennings sac fly, but that was as much rally as was in them. 6-3 Thunder. Wallace 1-2, 2 BB; Jennings 2-3, HR, 3 RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Hennessy 3.1 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K;

(drags himself onto one of the stools at the bar in an establishment across the street from the ballpark) Something hard, on the rocks, my boy. – What do you mean, you can’t do that? – When the **** did Oklahoma become a dry state? – Last year?? And why the **** is swearing forbidden? When did that happen?? – Ah. Also last year. FINE. I’ll have an orange juice then. (feels for the tiny emergency bottle of Capt’n Coma in his left pocket) But with one of those colorful tiny umbrellas, and a straw! – No *straws*?? No booze, no cursing, no straws… What is this? Nazi Germany in the final days?? – Alright, alright, I’ll have my OJ without straw. (clonks the tiny bottle on the counter) – That’s *medicine*. – Say… on your shirt. They forgot to stitch the ‘I’. – They didn’t? – Your name is not ‘Brian’? What the **** doe–… – FINE. What on earth does ‘Bran’ mean? – From which book? – Never heard of that. – Is it about baseball? – Listen, *Bran*… if it’s not about baseball it’s not worth reading!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P del Rio
OCT: CF Olszewski – 3B Schmit – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – SS Serrato – LF Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – P Guyett

…and if the Raccoons were in it, it wasn’t worth watching! They had two hits through the first five innings and were as threatening as a blind and declawed sloth. Del Rio was sharp at first, retiring the first five Thunder with 2 K, but then rain struck and after a lengthy delay he was decidedly less crisp. Olszewski and Schmit doubles made it 1-0 in the bottom 3rd, Burgess’ homer made it 2-0 in the bottom 4th, and after he allowed a single to Guyett and walked Schmit and Danny Cruz to fill the bases he was yanked in the bottom 5th. Prieto inherited there on and one out, struck out Burgess and Sagredo to escape, and technically this game was not yet over, but if you looked into their detached faces dreaming from a food bowl far, far away at the end of the game, you knew it was definitely over. Everything was over.

Ramos hit a single and stole second base, his 35th trophy of the season, in the top of the sixth, but was left in scoring position. The seventh inning brought various interpretations of the timeless classic “popping out to short with nobody on or having a clue” by the 4-5-6 batters. Despite this *and* Garavito coughing up a run in the bottom 7th, the Raccoons brought the tying run to the plate with two outs in the eighth. Hawkins doubled, Ramos walked, and Billy Jennings, batting second after two double switches, made the Thunder’s cleanup guy run for the ball… when he fouled out near the netting behind home plate. Chris Guyett was still going, 24 outs and a rain delay later, and entered the ninth inning all by himself. Stalker popped out. Wallace popped out. Zitzner tried a new approach as pinch-hitter in the #5 hole. He grounded out to short. 3-0 Thunder. Ramos 1-2, 2 BB;

A few days ago I said I wouldn’t want them to win their 4,800th against the Knights.

Can I take that back, please?

Raccoons (59-43) vs. Knights (60-40) – July 28-30, 2034

The Knights had the best offense and scored the most runs in the Continental League. Their pitching was “generally capable”, meaning they were right around league average in keeping the other guys from circling the bags. We had won the season series already, 5-1, but I couldn’t help but expect nothing more than more doom to befall this lackluster team that luckily clad brown, making it harder to notice whenever they shat their pants in the batter’s box…

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (11-4, 3.96 ERA) vs. Chris Cooper (7-5, 3.58 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.63 ERA) vs. TBD
Bernie Chavez (10-3, 2.50 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (10-7, 3.36 ERA)

Lefty on Friday, righty on Sunday, and a question mark in the middle after trading starter/closer/faster/more Erik David (1-2, 4.15 ERA, 24 SV) to the Scorpions for not much at all.

Game 1
ATL: CF Muro – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B J. Johnson – LF R. Parker – P C. Cooper
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 2B Vickers – RF Jennings – 1B Zitzner – C Scheffer – P Okrasinksi

Both teams got a run in the first, where the Knights had Chris Maneke double home Adam Avakian, while the Raccoons piled two hits, two walks, and one run on Cooper while also having Reichardt fan with runners on second and third, and Zitzner ground out to short to strand a full set. More chances would present themselves; the second inning saw Okrasinski single to left, Ramos leg out an infield roller, Cooper balked, then walked Hawkins, and there were three on with one down for Jimmy Wallace, who should probably not see left-handed pitchers anymore and grounded a ball STRAIGHT at John Johnson for a 4-6-3 soul-stabber. The Knights, though, in the top 3rd cranked up the hurt by drawing walks off Okrasinski with two outs, placing Roy Pincus and Maneke on base. Steve Garcia then slapped an RBI single. Keith Thomson grounded out, but we were behind once more. Who was supposed to stop the hemorrhaging if not Old Warhorse??

Old Warhorse allowed singles to Rich Parker and Cooper (…) the following inning, walked the bags full, plated one run on a wild pitch, another on an Avakian sac fly, and one more on Pincus’ single, walked Maneke, and somehow Adrian Reichardt caught a fly to center by Garcia to keep it 5-1 through the top of the fourth. He walked Johnson and Parker in the fifth before being yanked. Hennessy waved one run across on Juan Muro’s single. Oh Slappy, we could have it worse. In Oklahoma they can’t even have ****ing booze anymore! Or straws! Straws!

The slaughtering continued unabated, with Rich Vickers’ throwing error putting a runner on base against Nick Bates in the sixth. Maneke promptly homered, 8-1. The Raccoons got a Wallace double in the seventh and didn’t score. They got a leadoff single by Stalker in the ninth… and didn’t score either, because Tom Hawkins hit into a double play. 8-1 Knights. Wallace 2-4, 2B; Vickers 2-4, RBI; Stalker 1-1; Wise 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

There was a roster move after the game, with Rich Vickers (.264, 2 HR, 14 RBI) being axed to make room for Hugo Salgado’s return.

Game 2
ATL: CF Muro – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B J. Johnson – LF R. Parker – P Inderrieden
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – RF Jennings – 1B Zitzner – C Thompson – P Rendon

Gilberto Rendon, yet another one of those established veterans that turned into semi-liquid turds on the Willamette, ran 3-ball counts against each of the first five Knights in the Saturday game. He allowed two singles, two walks, one run, and then somehow got bailed out when Thompson flew out to right and Jennings fired home to cut down Avakian for a 9-2 double play to end the top 1st. Rendon continued to exist at the mercy of his defense after that, with Wallace making running catches, Jennings making sliding catches, and Ramos starting a double play when we needed it most to protect a 2-1 lead established in the bottom of the third inning. Zitzner and Thompson had opened the inning with base hits, and Ramos hit an RBI single to right before stealing second base. Still, Zeltser’s sac fly was all we got, with Ramos left in scoring position. It was still the same score in the seventh, but Rendon was finally yanked after a walk to John Johnson at the top of the frame. Eric Martins bunted the runner to second, Brian Eppler was walked by David Fernandez, who also served up a game-tying bloop single to Muro… oh, and a pinch-hit, 3-run homer to left-handed Dan Cobb, which was merely his third homer of the year and his first hit as a Knight after being acquired from the Buffaloes on Wednesday for nothing more than a stinking prospect. The Raccoons did not go without bringing up the tying run in the bottom 8th after Brad Santry had allowed singles to both Wallace and Fernandez with two outs, and then Jennings cozily grounded out to Johnson. And then that was really about it… 5-2 Knights. Ramos 2-5, RBI; Wallace 2-4; Scheffer (PH) 1-1;

No, I’m fine, Maud. Really. You can go home with the others. I’m just going to clean those papers away and water the flowers and will then go home, too. – … – … – You are not going, aren’t you? – Fine, what did I do wrong now to spill the beans on my plans? – That good piece of rope is a decorative element worn with pride by, uh, the warriors in Upper Samoa! – Fine. (takes off rope and tosses it into a corner) I’ll go home. If you insist!

Come Sunday, the Knights had acquired Josh Boles (3-5, 1.96 ERA, 26 SV) from the Buffos for various prospects.

Fine. Come on. Bring it. Right in our striped, fuzzy faces.

Game 3
ATL: CF Muro – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B J. Johnson – LF R. Parker – P Zaragoza
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez

Armando Zaragoza (8-11, 5.02 ERA) would go on short rest against Bernie who had half the ERA and proper rest, so we were probably destined to go winless this week. Roy Pincus got us well on the way there with a first-inning homer. But the miserable Raccoons again countered and took a 2-1 lead, this time in the bottom 2nd. Wallace singled, Fernandez doubled, and Reichardt and Scheffer both scored a run, each with a groundout. Whatever works…!

Both teams got only one more base hit through five, and the sixth wasn’t much more productive. The Raccoons got Manny Fernandez on base. And then he was caught stealing. Not caught stealing were the Knights in the seventh; instead they loaded the bases with singles by Pincus, Garcia, and Thomson and one out. Chavez remained around to face Johnson, got him to 0-2… and then threw a game-tying wild pitch. Johnson flew out to shallow center, and Garavito struck out PH Eric Martins, but what did it even matter anymore… (turns to Cristiano Carmona) I wish I could run away.

I couldn’t, at least not with the rope, because Maud kept watching me. Garavito loaded the bases with the 1-2-3 batters and one out in the seventh, allowing two singles before nailing Pincus, who had undoubtedly deserved it, but NOW, Mauricio? NOW?? Wise came in to see after PH Paul Kuehn, allowed a 2-run double, and somehow the Knights stumbled into another outfield assist at home plate to end the inning when Garcia flew out to Reichardt, but what the **** did it even matter anymore? The Coons were down 4-2 and surely toast. In the eighth, Hawkins, Ramos, and Zeltser were out in order against ****ing Armando Zaragoza, who then as crowning achievement hit a 2-out RBI single off ****ing Nick Bates in the top of the ninth. Because that was not enough humiliation, Josh Boles came on for the bottom 9th. Stalker flew out to center. Wallace struck out. Salgado flew out to center. 5-2 Knights. M. Fernandez 2-3, 2B; Chavez 6.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 4 K;

In other news

July 25 – CIN LF/RF/1B Dick Oshiita (.372, 21 HR, 81 RBI) connects once for a 20-game hitting streak in a 5-4 loss to the Stars.
July 25 – DEN LF Abel Madsen (.302, 10 HR, 58 RBI) will miss three months with rotator cuff tendinitis.
July 26 – Hot no more: in a 5-1 loss of the Cyclones to the Stars, Dick Oshiita (.369, 21 HR, 81 RBI) goes hitless, thus ending his hitting streak.
July 26 – The Bayhawks’ OF George Hawthorne (.271, 6 HR, 42 RBI) single-handedly wins a 1-0 game against the Titans with a home run off BOS SP Adam Potter (4-6, 3.81 ERA).
July 26 – DAL OF Ryan Murray (.239, 9 HR, 37 RBI) is lost for the season with a torn rotator cuff.
July 27 – The Wolves acquire 3B/SS Chad Armfield (.322, 2 HR, 30 RBI) from the Aces, parting with a promising but unranked prospect in OF/1B John Velazquez.
July 28 – The Loggers send INF Wayne Morris (.302, 6 HR, 50 RBI) to the Rebels for five prospects. None of them are ranked, but CL Steve Bass really should be.
July 29 – The Wolves acquire 2B Mario Duenez (.259, 4 HR, 52 RBI) from the Scorpions for MR Jacob Poirier (2-1, 3.42 ERA, 1 SV) and a prospect.
July 30 – SFB INF Jose Cruz (.326, 9 HR, 47 RBI) hits a home run for the only tally in the Bayhawks’ 1-0 win over the Indians.
July 30 – NYC OF Chris Reardon (.243, 7 HR, 45 RBI) is out for the season with torn ankle ligaments.

Complaints and stuff

Look… I tried to trade for some improvements… but … eh.

Right-hander Nick Wright of the Wolves would have been nice to shore up the pen, and there was the odd outfielder or two, right-handed, that would have made a nice addition to the roster. But the only player that was easy to get seemed to be Ruben Orozco, whom the Buffaloes offered again and again and again before dumping him on the unsuspecting Cyclones instead. No right-handed outfielder materialized either… well except for Hugo Salgado, who started a rehab assignment on Tuesday and returned on Saturday to no great noise.

And at some point the need for trades became moot. We went from 2nd to 11th in the power rankings in a single week, and the only thing that assures me of the sad-sack team not dropping to 11th in the North is the fact that there’s nothing lower than the damn Elks, and they are in sixth place only.

If you would excuse me now, I have to hide this rope in my underwear to smuggle it past Maud…

Fun Fact: Alberto Ramos leads all the ABL in stolen bases.

But I can’t help but feel like the baseball gods have another chuckler or two in their cards…

[Westheim]

Word ate my report at the end of the Sunday game, but I think I got most of it restored from an autosave... but then again I am too frightened to read through all of it again before I get some direly needed counseling in... Ah, you'll see!

+++

(sits at his desk on the highest heap of rubble in the still smoldering ruins of Raccoons Ballpark) This is fine.

(yells over to Cristiano Carmona, who in his wheelchair is trapped on top of a dangerously swaying stack of debris and desperately bickering for help) Will you sh-shshsshhh… SHUDDUP?? (throws empty bottle of booze like a girl, missing by miles)

(Slappy is playing with a soot-stained baseball while sitting on the brown couch atop another stash of broken concrete) There’s a ballplayer! You’re hired!

Interlude: Trade

The Raccoons would have a new player upon arrival in Tijuana, striking a nighttime deal with the Miners for the services of career backup C Kurt Wall (.312, 4 HR, 21 RBI). In exchange, the Miners receive AAA SP Jonathan Dykstra (9-10, 2.98 ERA in St. Pete).

Wall’s arrival brought about the purge of Elliott Thompson, who was banished to St. Petersburg. Jason Gurney was waived and designated for assignment to make room on the 40-man roster.

Raccoons (59-46) @ Condors (60-45) – July 31-August 2, 2034

Playing the Condors after the previous week was more than fitting – who else would pick all the yummy innards from our dead bodies? The Raccoons had blown it, and there was no reason they wouldn’t lose another three to the Condors now. The season series stood at 3-3, but a 5-1 tally against the Knights hadn’t stopped the Critters from crapping the nest there, either. Tijuana was second in runs scored, just as good in runs allowed, and they couldn’t wait for us, eagerly flapping their ruffled wings and clappering with their crooked beaks as the Raccoons crawled into their ballpark.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (8-5, 3.83 ERA) vs. George Griffin (7-5, 2.58 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-5, 3.40 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (4-2, 2.87 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (11-5, 4.25 ERA) vs. Jimmy Driver (9-8, 5.55 ERA)

Right, left, right, like any of that actually mattered…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – P Sabre
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Sung – 1B Ryu – 2B Hughes – P Griffin

First time up, newly-baked Coon Kurt Wall found Tim Stalker and Manny Fernandez in scoring position with two outs in a 1-0 game and cracked Griffin’s first pitch through the left side for a 2-run single. And then Zitzner farted for an out, but Wall immediately had his first two Critters RBIs! But the Condors had yet to see Sabre, who very much again pitched like he was in the Titans’ employ rather than ours. He walked Chris Murphy and disgusting skunk weasel Shane Sanks in the first, somehow survived that, but spilled a run following Yeong-ha Sung’s leadoff triple in the bottom 2nd. Hiroaki Ryu grounded out to get the run in, but that was the only one the Condors would get off Sabre … in just five innings, which he needed 112 pitches to cover, and which saw him in the bottom 5th again walk Murphy, the skunk weasel, and for good measure Jose Flores. Sung grounded out to Zitzner to strand all of them.

Prieto and Hennessy handled the sixth without dire accidents, after which Griffin got into a spot of bother in the top of the seventh inning. He issued a leadoff walk to Wall (the very first on Griffin’s ledger), then allowed soft singles to Zitzner and Jennings. A double switch had already placed Adrian Reichardt in the #9 hole, from where he would hit with three aboard and none sat down, then got sat down on strikes. Berto brought home a run with a fielder’s choice, and Zeltser ****tily grounded out to Andy Hughes to strand a pair. Bottom 7th, Chris Miller and Willie Ojeda opened with singles off Hennessy, bringing up the skunk weasel as the tying run with nobody out. Chris Wise assumed pitching duties in another double switch (replacing Zeltser with Hawkins at the hot corner), then immediately made everything worse with a K to Sanks, but a wild pitch and a Flores single that plated the two runners anyway and cut the lead to 4-3. Because that wasn’t enough, he also cocked up a leadoff double that Hughes hit into the corner in the eighth. David Fernandez replaced Wise, who immediately had his Coons cap slapped off by the pitching coach upon entering the dugout, to be replaced by a red-and-yellow hat with a propeller. Fernandez walked Jimmy Wood in the #9 hole, making doom all but certain until the 1-2-3 batters made three unproductive outs DESPITE hitting two flies to leftfield… Amazingly, following Ed Blair’s best Josh Boles impression of retiring the first two batters in the ninth before putting a pair on base, Andy Hughes hit another fly to leftfield that chased Wallace back… and somehow it landed in his glove without striking him in the noggin first, ending the ballgame and the dastardly depressing losing spill. 4-3 Coons. Stalker 2-4, RBI; Jennings 2-3;

Interlude: Trade

In a last-hour, oh-the-clock-is-ticking-so-fast deal, the Raccoons picked up LF/2B/SS Ross Sibley (.271, 5 HR, 39 RBI) from the Aces, hoping for some left-handed impulses from the 26-year-old third-year player. The Aces received a bushel of misfits in AA SP Willie Gallardo, A INF Eddie Lavender, and A 3B Jake Howell. They had been a $270k cheque, a seventh round pick, and a sixth round pick some whiles back.

Chiyosaku Maruyama, no less useless than Zitzner, was sent back to AAA to make room on the 25-man roster. Space on the 40-man was created by designating left-hander Justin LeDuc for assignment.

Raccoons (59-46) @ Condors (60-45) – July 31-August 2, 2034

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF Salgado – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – P del Rio
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – LF J. Williams – 1B Kramer – C J. Wood – 2B Hughes – P J. Garcia

For additional wonders, Kurt Wall threw out Chris Murphy trying to steal second base in the opening frame of Tuesday’s encounter – what a marvel this guy was, a true catcher through and through! Three innings later in an up-to-then well-pitched game, Wall drove in the first Critter with a double between Justin Williams and Murphy, plating Jimmy Wallace with one out. Wall himself scored with two outs on del Rio’s double to center following an intentional walk to Reichardt. Ramos walked to fill them up, but Hawkins’ pathetic pop to second base kept three Critters aboard and the score at 2-0. Seeing his loss float away, del Rio immediately reconsidered and issued four ball to the skunk weasel to begin the bottom 4th, but his evil plan was foiled by sharp defense making the plays against the next three batters…

Undeterred, del Rio was at it again in the bottom 5th and successfully blew the lead with five straight base hits surrendered to begin the inning. Hughes singled, Garcia didn’t even fake a bunt, but doubled right away, and Murphy singled home both runners to get the game even at two before advancing to second base on the futile throw to home plate. Murphy himself was axed down on the next throw to home plate on Miller’s single, with Miller also making it to second base as the new go-ahead run. Ojeda singled and stole second, but Sanks popped out to shallow center and Williams rolled out to Zitzner to strand runners at second and third in the 2-2 affair. In a clear onset of schizophrenia, del Rio then singled home the go-ahead run again in the sixth, plating Manny Fernandez from second base – Fernandez had been inserted as pinch-runner after Reichardt had doubled and then turned around with a bum knee.

Del Rio was allowed to continue to fudge on until he put runners on the corners with back-to-back 2-out singles by Ojeda and the skunk weasel in the bottom 7th. With the left-handed hitter Williams up, the Coons sent Garavito, but Tijuana went to Hiroaki Ryu to pinch-hit from the right side, but the plot failed when Ryu flew out to Hugo Salgado. Instead the lead went bust in the eighth, with Garavito walking Ken Kramer on four pitches to begin the inning, a feat previously achieved by del Rio in the sixth. This time the Coons wouldn’t keep him on the bases, which were full after Nick Bates came on and allowed a double to Wood and walked Alfredo Quintana. Sung whiffed and Murphy grounded to short… but the Coons only got one, not two, and Kramer scored to even up things at three. Miller lined out to Tom Hawkins to end the inning. Ken Kramer was not done with reaching base leading off an inning, though – he did so again in the 10th against Hennessy. He didn’t stop at first base that time, though, nor at second or third, and by the time he had circled the bases to conclude the game, the ball he had smashed off Hennessy still hadn’t landed in the Pacific. 4-3 Condors. Stalker 2-5, 2B; Wallace 2-5, 2B; Reichardt 1-2, BB, 2B;

Ross Sibley made his Raccoons debut as a pinch-hitter in the ninth inning, flying out to Miller in another sad 1-2-3-get-back-to-fielding.

Adrian Reichardt was expected to miss a few days with the sore knee. Oh, Adrian, that’s too bad. I wonder what effect this will have on your vesting option…!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF Jennings – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 2B Sibley – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – LF J. Williams – C J. Flores – 1B Kramer – 2B Hughes – P Driver

While Jimmy Driver ran three 3-ball counts in the first inning without getting punished in any way, Chris Murphy simply blasted a homer to begin the Condors’ day at the plate. Okrasinksi continued to get shackled with rocket singles by Miller and Ojeda, then a walk drawn by the skunk weasel, three on, no outs. Then Williams flailed out, Flores popped out on a 3-1 pitch, and Kramer’s fly to right was caught by Jennings, and the score remained 1-0…

Offense worth counting only came about on the Coons’ second base hit of the rubber game, with one out in the fourth. Wallace had reached on a Hughes error, bringing up Manny Fernandez, who got a fat one to mash and mashed it fat – 440 feet to right-center, a score-flipper indeed! The smirks were wiped off almost immediately, though, with Okrasinski fooling nobody and allowing a long double to Kramer in the bottom of the inning. Hughes walked, but Driver’s bunt was bad and allowed Okrasinski to get the lead runner for the second out. Murphy doubled up the line to tie the game, but in a bold move Driver was sent from first base – and easily thrown out by Billy Jennings to close the fourth, now in a 2-2 tie. That didn’t the Condors stop from waffling Okrasinksi for another three hits and the go-ahead run in the fifth though…

After Jimmy Wallace tied the game with a homer in the sixth (two in one game?? which team is this??), the game became a bit about putting a runner at second base and leaving him there indefinitely; both teams were guilty of that through the eighth. The ninth broke with Ray Andrews, the righty closer with a 1.56 ERA, pitching for Tijuana, and Zitzner’s spot up. 0-3 on the day, no thanks. Bring Kurt Wall to pinch-hit! He struck out real fast, and the Critters didn’t get the run out of the infield, but neither did the Condors score against Garavito and Bates in the ninth. This game, too, went to extras, and this game, too, ended on a home run. With Murphy on third base and two outs, and on an 0-2 pitch, the ****ing disgusting skunk weasel hit it off the stupendous Chris Wise in the 11th… 5-3 Condors. M. Fernandez 3-5, HR, 2 RBI; Garavito 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Raccoons (60-48) vs. Loggers (42-66) – August 3-6, 2034

Other than in my dreams, Raccoons Ballpark still stood, but for how much longer? The Loggers were in for four, and even the Loggers could give this dismal team some real trouble. They were ninth in runs scored, tenth in runs allowed, and we led the season series 4-3, but I had by now learned to not underestimate The Suck this team was capable of. The entirety of July had been 31 of days of The Suck.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.55 ERA) vs. Cody Chamberlin (2-2, 4.02 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-3, 2.51 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (0-4, 5.12 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-5, 3.75 ERA) vs. Alfredo Casique (11-9, 4.56 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-5, 3.37 ERA) vs. Paul Metzler (6-10, 4.11 ERA)

The 28-year-old sophomore Stockwell would be the only southpaw to encounter in this set, and Chamberlin was listed as day-to-day with a hamstring thing, but would apparently take his start. With Danny Valenzuela, Steve Wilson, and Jeremy Leftwich the Loggers also had a bunch of what they considered major league-worthy batters on the DL.

Game 1
MIL: SS Lockert – RF Wheeler – LF D.J. Mendez – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – 1B O. Huerta – C Canas – CF Prestwood – P Chamberlin
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 1B Hawkins – LF Wallace – CF M Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Rendon

Two walks and a Mike Wheeler single put the Loggers up 1-0 in the third inning, just as I had imagined it. Portland scattered four hits and two walks in the first four innings without scoring, then made two quick outs against the ailing Chamberlin in the bottom 5th before, of all people, Rendon singled to left. Berto walked, Zeltser dropped a single, and Hawkins could resist the urge to pop out just long enough to coax a bases-loaded walk, tying the score. Jimmy Wallace did not resist the urge and grounded out on the first pitch. Rendon pitched seven innings while allowing as many base runners, but it was not enough for a W, with the Raccoons remaining wholly inept through seven against Chamberlin, who was STILL around against the bottom of the order in the bottom of the ninth inning, with Prieto and Blair having held the fort for the home team. When Kurt Wall singled to left, the winning run was on base and immediately replaced with Hugo Salgado to pinch-run. Not that Salgado reached second base until after Jennings and Sibley had flown out to Mike Wheeler, and Ramos had drawn a 2-out walk. Ying-hua Ou replaced Chamberlin at that point and got Zeltser to ground out to second base. That made it three extra-inning games in three days, and also once more an empty bench once Scheffer filled in behind the plate. Bottom 10th, leadoff single by Hawkins, double play grounder by Wallace, screaming by me, and then a Manny Fernandez double. That brought up Blair in the #6 hole. The Raccoons tried to be smarter than they would get credit for in the Agitator and sent Raffaello Sabre to pinch-hit; the right-hander had a .349 clip on the season and anything was better than the closer batting and taking one to the eye. Sabre struck out, Josh Conner homered off David Fernandez in the 11th, and the Coons began the bottom of the inning with Salgado singling. Sibley walked, Ramos singled, and the tying and winning runs were in scoring position with one out for Zeltser, who hit a grounder at Maxime Garnier manning first base – and firing home to kill off Salgado. The bags remained loaded with two outs for Hawkins, and the game ended with him … and a single up the middle. Sibley scored, Ramos scored, ballgame! 3-2 Blighters! Zeltser 2-6, 2B; Hawkins 2-4, 2 BB, 3 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B; Wall 2-4; Salgado 1-1; Rendon 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 4 BB, 8 K and 1-2; Blair 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

A kingdom for a calm and comfy 6-0 win…

Game 2
MIL: SS Lockert – RF Wheeler – LF D.J. Mendez – 2B McWhirter – 1B O. Huerta – C Canas – 3B Garnier – CF Prestwood – P Stockwell
POR: SS Zeltser – 3B Hawkins – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – LF M. Fernandez – C Wall – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – P Chavez

Infield single, hit batter, error by the second baseman – three batters into the game the Loggers had three men on and nobody out. Bill McWhirter popped out but Omar Huerta singled in two runs to put the Loggers on top right away and render all my hopes and dreams dashed once more. Henceforth I looked as gloomy as the weather. The only meaningful Coons offense early on was Travis Zitzner’s solo home run in the bottom 3rd – yes, you heard that right. But even the recently installed home run tubas didn’t play for several seconds after the ball landed in the stands, because how could you be ready for that with Zitzner at the plate…? Neither team managed to get more than four hits through six innings… and neither team got another hit afterwards. The seventh was interrupted with Garnier at the plate, leading off, when the rain became too bad to continue playing. It never subsided – the Loggers were eventually awarded a rain-shortened win. More salt in the wounds… 2-1 Loggers. Hawkins 2-3; Zitzner 1-2, HR, RBI;

Even the weather hates us.

I hate everything.

Game 3
MIL: SS Lockert – RF Wheeler – LF D.J. Mendez – 3B Conner – 1B O. Huerta – C Canas – 2B Yoshioka – CF Prestwood – P Casique
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 1B Hawkins – LF Wallace – CF M Fernandez – 2B Sibley – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Sabre

Saturday brought more of the same; icky clouds, no hitting, and me hating on my own team. The Loggers were expected to be pathetic, but the Raccoons were getting worse and worse every day. They amounted to a pair of 2-out singles by Ramos and Zeltser in the third inning and nothing more through five, with the Loggers getting three hits off Sabre, including a pair of 2-out singles of their own in the fifth. Rodrigo Canas and Kenta Yoshioka were then stranded when Tyler Prestwood struck out. They got Wheeler on with a drag bunt single in the sixth, but that was it again, and by then they had also lost Casique to injury – not that this was implying that seeing the pen would help the Critters. There was no helping those Critters anymore…

The impossible happened in the bottom 6th when the Raccoons broke the ice. Zeltser hit a leadoff single to left, advanced on a grounder, and was doubled home by Jimmy Wallace. Fernandez and Sibley then immediately made poor outs lest we develop a taste for scoring here. Sibley continued to make no friends when he dropped Josh Conner’s pop to begin the top 7th, and while Huerta washed up everybody in a double play, I was mad with anger already and tried to get the Aces to reverse the trade. Canas singled up the middle, but Yoshioka flew out to center, leisurely. Come the eighth, Wallace ran less leisurely after a fly hit by PH Maxime Garnier, and in vain, too, for that ball was outta here and the game tied at one. Sabre completed nine innings on 100 pitches, then had to wish upon a star that a run may fall from its tail, because the guys with striped tails on the field couldn’t possibly score one off Ying-hua Ou in the bottom 9th. Wallace singled, Fernandez hit into a double play, and Sibley flew out to right. Extra innings, part four on the week.

After a harmless 10th the 11th looked just as mellow until Tom Hawkins reached with two outs on a Conner error. Wallace singled to right, sending the winning run all the way to third base against righty Alex Banderas. Fernandez grounded up the middle, and Yoshioka made the play, extending the game to the 12th, where Chris Wise – in his second inning of work – led off by nailing Omar Huerta, then served up a bomb to Canas. Hennessy replaced him and got out of the inning, but who the **** was supposed to make up not one, but TWO runs in the bottom 12th? Right-hander Rafael Zacarias would see the 6-7-8 batters. Salgado hit for Sibley and fouled out. Jennings was out on a comebacker. Stalker batted for Scheffer … and grounded out to Yoshioka. 3-1 Loggers. Zeltser 2-5; Wallace 3-5, 2B, RBI; Sabre 9.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 5 K;

Cristiano, I think I had a stroke. I can’t move. – Cristiano? – Cristiano?

Game 4
MIL: SS Lockert – C Canas – LF S. Wilson – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – 1B O. Huerta – RF D.J. Mendez – CF Prestwood – P Metzler
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – C Wall – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – P del Rio

Fresh off the DL, Steve Wilson singled home Lockert from third base where he had made it via walk, stolen base, and a throwing error by Wall. Josh Conner’s double and Omar Huerta’s single brought in two more runs to bury the Raccoons several games’ worth of runs deep, 3-0. Ramos singled and was picked off first before Zeltser singled in the bottom 1st, and Stalker and Wallace made anemic outs, the only sort of out this team had in them. Five straight 2-out singles in the third inning then tore del Rio’s stupid *** wide open, plating another three runs before their pitcher regrettably swung over a pathetic ball in the dirt for strike three. Del Rio was left in for five innings because why would we bother other pitchers with his own stew on the scoreboard? During those five innings the Raccoons dropped in seven hits in the most unhelpful fashion, scoring only one run on a Stalker double that plated Hugo Salgado in the bottom 5th. It was already the seventh (and another Josh Conner homer off Hennessy was on the board) when Wallace doubled home Ramos and Zeltser to get the deficit reduced to 7-3. The following inning, with two outs, Sibley walked in the #8 hole and Salgado doubled, bringing up Ramos with a chance to make it clo– and new pitcher Mike Cockcroft whiffed him. Tantalizingly, the Coons would get runners on the corners via 1-out singles by Stalker and Wallace in the bottom 9th, knocking out Cockcroft in favor of right-hander Sergio Piedra and his 4.84 ERA. Reichardt batted for Wall and struck out. Manny Fernandez chopped a ball past McWhirter for an RBI single, bringing up the tying run in… Zitzner. He chased the high heat to end the game. 7-4 Loggers. Ramos 2-4, BB; Zeltser 2-5; Stalker 3-5, 2B, RBI; Wallace 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 2-3;

In other news

July 31 – BOS LF/RF Ivan Vega (.311, 5 HR, 28 RBI) drives in five runs on three hits in the Titans’ 16-0 smothering of the Aces. Eight of the nine Titans in the starting lineup land multi-hit games.
August 1 – IND SP Sal Bedoya (9-8, 2.97 ERA) 3-hits the Knights in a 5-0 Indians shutout.
August 4 – LVA LF/RF Graciano Salto (.264, 10 HR, 48 RBI) enters the record books with a cycle in a 9-5 win over the Thunder. Salto does the four required hits and nothing more, and drives in four runs. Salto’s cycle is the fifth in Aces history and comes only 13 days after teammate Nick Danieley’s no-hitter against the Canadiens.
August 4 – Pittsburgh’s SP Julio Palomo (8-12, 4.85 ERA) spins a 2-hit shutout in a 4-0 Miners win over the Buffaloes.
August 5 – ATL SS Keith Thomson (.292, 6 HR, 49 RBI) wins the Knights’ 1-0 game over the Condors with a solo home run.
August 6 – IND CF/LF John Baron (.288, 11 HR, 42 RBI) is lost for the season after suffering a concussion.

Complaints and stuff

What is worse than watching THIS team seven days a week? Watching them play extra innings FOUR times in the same week.

The Raccoons fired hitting coach Zhi-peng Chin on Sunday. The Taiwanese impostor had been in his third season with the team.

Our next franchise catcher Tony Morales, batting .237 in AAA, is on the shelf for two weeks owing to having taken a knock on the knee. Never mind that we once thought Elliott Thompson as the franchise catcher and look where he’s now.

When I look at Gilberto Rendon’s contract (two more years at $2.92M each) I very much feel like we took our “RG” problem and turned it rather seamlessly into a “GR” problem. Cristiano threw in a snippy-sounding “GG”, which I’m not sure what it even means, but I don’t like his tone and I will now… (starts to pull a strip of silver tape from a fresh roll) …tape his snout shut. That will teach him!

Fun Fact: The Care Bears are having a rerun on Channel 29!

(watches fascinated how everything turns out well in Care Bear Land with, on either side, Slappy and Chad, wearing the mascot head, all three grabbing from the same bowl of popcorn)

(popcorn repeatedly falls out of the mascot head’s immobile mouth)

[Westheim]

Hello. This is Maud. Mr. Westfield called in sick today and I sort of understand where he’s coming from (readjusts bun) but we all have to remain composed and organized and push forwards in these tough times. Say, can I entertain our Pennant Chase offer to you? Tickets for ten home games of your choice in August and September with one drink and one basic food item included!

Now 30% off.

Raccoons (61-51) vs. Crusaders (49-63) – August 7-9, 2034

The Crusaders are a team with a great history and much success in the past. They have won seven championships and games against them are always a treat for the whole family, even if they are eighth in runs scored and runs allowed in the Continental League. And remember – the season series against them is even at six wins for each side! 30% off on those Pennant Chase offers!

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (11-5, 4.29 ERA) vs. Rodolfo Cervantes (10-3, 2.52 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.37 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (5-9, 4.25 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-4, 2.53 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (7-11, 5.83 ERA)

Three right-handed pitchers on offer by the Crusaders, which is, given our mostly left-handed lineup, almost guaranteed to result in an offensive firework (energetic arm movement with a clenched fist) by our Raccoons offense! Don’t miss this treat and visit the Family Offers section on our ticket page!

(Cristiano Carmona rolls up with a tablet in his lap) Actually, Maud, the Raccoons are only scoring 3.75 runs per game against New York this year and haven’t be-

(Maud yells) I’M TRYING MY BEST HERE!! (runs out)

(Cristiano rolls over to the window, offering a good view at steady rain) Right-handed pitchers or not, the weather today is no bueno, and in fact the series opener has been postponed until tomorrow. Double header on Tuesday!

Game 1
NYC: LF Balado – 1B Howden – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 3B Czachor – SS J. Brown – CF Veraart – P Cervantes
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Okrasinski

When the series opener finally began, it did so with Okrasinski walking Jose Balado and giving up a home run to Jarod Howden. The home fans were not happy, but, eh! Eso es beisbol! By the way, my numbers show that Howden is batting .381 against his former team! Further, ahem, highlights included Okrasinski reaching for and catching a Josh Brown line drive behind his back in the second inning – muy bien! muy bien! …unfortunately, Jarod Howden would continue to torture los Mapaches, singling off Okrasinski in the third and scoring on Barend Kok’s hit, and then hit an RBI double with two outs in the fourth, an inning that began with a walk to Ryan Czachor, continued with a Josh Brown double, and then Ronnie Veraart’s infield single. Cervantes struck out, but Balado’s grounder wasn’t turned for two, and in the fifth it was Czachor again with – ay! Eso es una bomba! … I mean… ay-ay, no es bueno!

Okrasinski pitched only five innings for plenty of damage – six runs – while los Mapaches remained within the standard deviation of their offensive output of the last few weeks and didn’t do anything at all. And to be honest, nothing about that ever really changed… The rest of this first game was three singles and a run in the seventh surrendered by Nick Bates, but after two and a half hours of hiding, los Mapaches had lost this game as well. 7-0 Crusaders. M. Fernandez 3-4; Garavito 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K; Hennessy 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

And here comes Chad our mascot! Ola, Chad! (Chad appears in full costume) You got something to say to all the diehard fans of los Mapaches? (Chad gives two enthusiastic thumbs up before turning 180 degrees and starting a naughty dance with lots of bum-wiggling)

Game 2
NYC: LF Balado – 1B Howden – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – 3B Czachor – SS Schuler – C F. Garcia – CF Veraart – P Holliday
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 2B Sibley – 1B Zitzner – C Scheffer – P Rendon

Los Cruzados got their lead in the second inning in the second game. Ronnie Veraart hit a home run with two outs after Rendon had walked Randy Schuler and had given up a single to Fernando Garcia. The next home run came off Jarod Howden’s bat, much to the fans’ anguish, and counted for one run in the third inning. Besides giving up four runs in three innings, Rendon was also the only Mapache that reached base the first time through the order. Rendon struck out seven in this start, which was not out of the ordinary for him, but also allowed more extra-base hits and runs, which was … also not out of the ordinary for him. Ronnie Veraart doubled home Garcia in the fourth, and in the fifth Czachor singled home Mario Hurtado, who hit a double off Rendon. Gilberto Rendon ended up going only five innings on six runs, just like Okrasinski earlier in the day.

Ross Sibley then had his … (swipes over his tablet) *first* base hit for the Raccoons in the bottom of the sixth inning. It came with Zeltser, Manny, and Reichardt on base and one out and plated two runs with a fly in the gap that fell between Kok and Veraart! Los Mapaches got runs! A sacrifice fly and a single by Philip Scheffer brought in two more runs, narrowing the gap to 6-4… and then we fell victim to the horrendous pitching. Antonio Prieto had to bat for himself and made the third out because our bullpen was rather depleted. This turned not out to be much of a gain for los Mapaches in any aspect because Prieto did not get another out and instead walked the bases full in the seventh inning. Czachor scored two runs with a single on Chris Wise’s first pitch, and los Cruzados had an 8-4 lead at stretch time. (the organist plays “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”, nobody sings along)

We then scored two more runs against Holliday in the bottom of the seventh. Zeltser walked, Manny doubled, and the runs scored first on Wallace’ single and then a wild pitch before the next two batters made the final two outs. But the next inning – Zitzner with a single, Scheffer with a single, and the tying runs were on base! Dios mio! Tim Stalker pops out, but Berto Ramos hits an RBI double over the head of Kok – tying run at third base, go-ahead run at second! Adelante, muchachos! Adelante!! New pitcher to face Bob Zeltser, Jorge Farinas, left-hander, third pitcher of the inning, and the count runs full. Zeltser puts the ball in play, to the right side, and past Hurtado! Scheffer scores, Berto scores, los Mapaches in the lead! Es un milagro!! Infield single by Manny, Salgado hits for Wallace and into a fielder’s choice, but Adrian Reichardt singled and scored Zeltser! El hombre viejo, ay-ay-ay! Kurt Wall brought in the final run with another single, hitting for Sibley, after which Zitzner grounded out. Five runs in the inning, and a lead of three runs! Estoy emociando! (balances on the rear wheels of his wheelchair) Adalante, Mapaches! Adalante! Ed Blair was out for the ninth inning and … allowed a triple to Hurtado right away… Czachor walked, and with two outs Garcia hit an RBI single… Veraart with a deep fly to left. Mui deep. Mui deep. Mui, mui – no, Manny Fernandez has it at the fence! Victoria! Victoria! 11-9 Raccoons. Zeltser 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 3-5, 2B; Reichardt 2-4, BB, RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, RBI; Scheffer 2-4, RBI; Wise 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (6-9);

(as the groundskeepers pick the last bits of litter out of the seats before the lights are going to go out, Cristiano sits in his wheelchair at the big window and lines up to be oriented as if he was a batter in the left-handed batter’s box; he imitates holding a bat, and then to swing, before quickly rolling to the right side, right up to the wall; he then sighs and slowly rolls out of the room)

(Maud comes back in, finding only Slappy, who has been silently watching the games and drinking on the couch all day, still in the same position on the brown couch) You are still here, too? (makes another step into the room that is only lit from the floodlights over the field) Any plans for tonight? (makes another step while Slappy nods) Your place or mine? (Slappy raises his empty bottle before putting it down on the table) Alright. (Maud closes the door and sits down right next to Slappy before placing her right hand on top of his bald, black head while undoing her bun with her left hand)

(just in time, the head groundskeeper kills the lights, and Raccoons Ballpark goes dark)

…

(Wednesday, the GM reappears wearing pitch-black oversized sunglasses inside; he reeks of booze and lint) ALRIGHT, NOBODY TALK TO ME. Except Dr. Chung. Because my head is going to burst any second now. – What do you mean, Maud? Is it not an off day? – Oh ****.

Game 3
NYC: LF Balado – 1B Howden – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – SS Schuler – 3B S. Williams – CF Veraart – P Hicks
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Chavez

Long fly balls after hard contact were no rarity off Bernie Chavez once again, but the Crusaders struggled to get enough of them in the same inning to get something moving earlier. The fourth inning saw a walk to Hurtado and then with one out a deep fly to enter by Danny Monge. Reichardt remained master of that, and then also threw out Hurtado trying to advance in an 8-6 double play. But, still – (bangs fist against window repeatedly) Will ya keep it quiet down there???

The Raccoons sure did, amounting to only three hits in five innings against Hicks and his near-6 ERA, which I had seen before… We did have Jennings on second with two outs in the bottom 5th when Berto hit a drive in the gap to sharpen my headaches, but Balado robbed him with a flying catch in the gap, the rat bastard. (dissolves four headache pills with a couple of yellow ones of unknown heritage and nature in a glass of Capt’n Coma and a splash of orange juice) Still scoreless through five. (drinks) Bwahhhh!! Oh god, mother of all raccoons, Maud!! I’m dying!!

The game was, too. Jimmy Wallace fumbled a Balado fly for a stupid error with one out in the sixth, then also didn’t reach singles by Howden, the dumb pig, and Hurtado. Bases loaded, one out, Bernie reached back and struck out both Kok and Monge when I was convinced the only thing he could throw from here was an exit pitch for 420 feet… or 240 feet and hitting Wallace right in the kisser. One of those two. Chavez threw 100 pitches in seven innings of shutout ball, so in the bottom 7th it was high time to give him at least ONE measly run! Hicks agreed and nailed Reichardt with a 2-strike offering to put the go-ahead run on base at the start of the inning. Zitzner singled to get back to the lofty heights of .240, and so did Kurt Wall, at least where his lamentable Coons career was concerned. The bags were full, nobody out, Jennings up, 2-1 pitch in the right gap, Kok after it, didn’t get it, and two runs scored on a double when the ball was cut off by Veraart! Manny struck out in Bernie’s place, but Berto dropped an RBI single, 3-0, stole second, and that prompted the Crusaders to wave Zeltser to first to create forces on every base for left-hander Jamie O’Leary, who would nevertheless face Stalker, who poked the first pitch at the shortstop for a gut-twisting 6-4-3 double play. But at least with a *lead*… that was however immediately in mortal danger when Prieto ****ed up for the second day in a row and put Czachor and Balado on the corners via singles with nobody out. Howden, the dumb pig, made two outs while scoring a run, hitting a grounder off David Fernandez, the only reliever not involved in Tuesday’s double-header, who managed to wiggle out of the inning up 3-1. The run was pulled back on Wall’s sac fly, plating Reichardt, who tripled in the bottom 8th, then doubled back onto the Crusaders’ line on the scoreboard when Barend Kok hit a leadoff jack in the ninth against Blair. That was their only runner though, with Monge, Schuler, and Garcia going down in order. 4-2 Coons. Zitzner 2-3, BB; Wall 1-2, BB, RBI; Jennings 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 5 K, W (11-4);

Raccoons (63-52) @ Stars (54-61) – August 11-13, 2034

Ninth in offense sounded very wrong for any Stars team, but somehow they failed to score runs in that shoebox of theirs. Well, here came the Coons… Their pitching was average, which was solid enough for Dallas… We had played them the last two years, losing two of three each time.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (9-5, 3.56 ERA) vs. Logan Bessey (9-11, 4.44 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-6, 3.63 ERA) vs. Ramiro Benavides (7-9, 3.45 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (11-6, 4.53 ERA) vs. Josh D’Agostino (4-8, 4.80 ERA)

This weekend set would begin with two southpaws, then a righty on the way out. Also, both teams had a Ramos playing shortstop, and both had 38 stolen bases on the season. We had to make sure to bring the right one back home!

Game 1
POR: SS A. Ramos – RF Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – 3B Hawkins – P Sabre
DAL: CF Botzet – LF Riquenes – SS J. Ramos – 1B Blades – 2B J. Green – 3B Roesler – RF Chavira – C Tovias – P Bessey

Bessey was near-impossible to run on, though, so most likely Berto wouldn’t get any further in this game. No Raccoon got further than the batter’s box in the first three innings, but at least the Stars didn’t score either. Elias Matias Tovias Diaz came in hitting .234 with 8 homers and knocked a leadoff double to right in the bottom 3rd, but was swiped out on a terrible Bessey bunt. Berto walked to begin the fourth, but didn’t take off. After Salgado popped out, Fernandez’ grounder forced Ramos out at second, but at least Fernandez was fast enough to score on Tim Stalker’s double to right, the Coons’ first hit in the ballgame. Reichardt was hit (again), but Zitzner grounded out uselessly. Nobody really reached base until Berto doubled in the sixth, but was stranded blatantly.

Bottom 6th then, and it all came apart. Aaron Botzet hit a leadoff single. Sergio Riquenes hit another single. Jon Ramos legged out an infield single. Three on, nobody out, and Sabre had not struck out a position player all game long. Brett Blades hit a game-tying sac fly before Sabre rung up both Jay Green and Mike Roesler, but according to my calculation we were not due another run in this series, so that was that… No, actually the first three Critters reached base in the seventh. Travis Zitzner hit a HOME RUN leading off. A home run? Zitzner?? Kurt Wall doubled, Hawkins walked, and Sabre bunted them both into scoring position, but neither Berto nor Salgado managed more than a poor and unhelpful out… Enter Sabre to blow the lead again, this time with a 2-out walk to Bessey (!!!), then a pinch-hit single by Kyle Beard and another walk to Riquenes. Garavito came to the rescue and got Jon Ramos to ground out, stranding three in a 2-1 game. Bottom 8th, Brett Blades singled off Garavito, Roesler singled off Wise, and somehow the game still didn’t fall apart, with Vinny Chavira hitting into a double play. Bessey pitched into the ninth, but only walked Zitzner and Wall. While southpaw Allen Medcalf replaced Bessey, the Coons put Sibley in to pinch-run for Zitzner. The move turned out pointless; Hawkins hit into a double play, 6-4-3, and then Bob Zeltser rammed a pinch-hit homer to plate Zitzner’s run anyway. And even the home run was moot – Ed Blair retired the Stars without giving up a run. 4-1 Raccoons! Stalker 1-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Zeltser (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI;

Game 2
POR: SS A. Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – 1B Zitzner – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P del Rio
DAL: CF Botzet – LF Riquenes – SS J. Ramos – RF Beard – 1B Blades – 2B J. Green – 3B Roesler – C Tovias – P Benavides

One Ramos made an error, the other one walked, and in between Riquenes singled in a first inning right out of hell. Kyle Beard’s double play grounder brought in the only run, but I was already preparing to say our modest 3-game winning streak (!) goodbye. The next run to score in the game was Benavides… coming home on a wild pitch in the third. He had led off with a single, and the Stars slapped del Rio for three more and an additional run in the bottom 3rd, taking a 3-0 lead. Three 2-out singles by Ramos, Beard, and Blades plated another run in the fifth, with Jon Ramos having taken his 39th base off the hapless Scheffer. Jon Ramos upped his production with a 3-run homer off David Fernandez in the bottom 7th – the reliever had just come in replacing del Rio after the latter had bled leadoff singles to Botzet and Riquenes.

Benavides scattered four hits through seven innings to keep the Raccoons completely irrelevant. They didn’t get on the board until the eighth, with Scheffer somehow tumbling onto base and being doubled home with two outs by Berto. Down 7-1 was how they entered the ninth, too, where Medcalf was back at it and loaded the bags with one out. Stalker singled, Reichardt was nailed for the third day straight and slowly but surely was fed up with it, and Zitzner also dropped a single. Hawkins’ RBI single brought a pitching change to right-hander Chris Henry. Zeltser hit for Scheffer and flew to Botzet for a sac fly. Sibley hit for Nick Bates in the #9 hole and whiffed. 7-3 Stars. Ramos 3-4, 2B, RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Scheffer 1-2, BB, 2B;

Well. Seems like no good thing lasts forever. Especially with this team.

Game 3
POR: SS A. Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Sibley – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Okrasinski
DAL: CF Botzet – LF Riquenes – SS J. Ramos – RF Beard – 1B Blades – 2B J. Green – 3B Roesler – C Tovias – P D’Agostino

Okrasinski started the game with two walks but somehow wasn’t murdered on the spot by either the Stars or me. Portland stranded one in the first, two in the second, then scratched out a run with a Ramos Special in the top 3rd, Zeltser singling him home after he, too, took his 39th base of the season. Jennings doubled home Sibley to make it 2-0 in the fourth, and Zeltser and Fernandez began the fifth with a pair of doubles between Riquenes and Botzet for a 3-0 game. Fernandez was stranded despite Wallace walking to keep the pressure up, but the 5-6-7 batters couldn’t find a base hit either in their hearts or bats.

Attention shifted to Okrasinski, who had silently gone about his business, but with great success. After the walks to Botzet and Riquenes in the first, he had not allowed another base runner until… uh… he still hadn’t. The Stars were luckless through six, and in the seventh had Jon Ramos ground out to Alberto Ramos, Beard fly out to Fernandez, and Blades roll out to Sibley. In the intermission, Berto plated Jennings with a single off Alex Lewis to increase the lead to 4-0. Okrasinski began the bottom 8th on a hefty 91 pitches, facing Jay Green – and the little ****ter legged out an infield roller for a single … gone was the no-hitter. Three grounders that were actually handled ended the inning without the run scoring, but my heart had sagged anyway. Top 9th, Manny Fernandez led off with a double against Eric Davidson, but jammed his thumb sliding into second base and had to get that thing checked out. Reichardt ran for him; he scored on a Zitzner double, following an intentional walk to Wallace, as the Coons aspired to drive up Davidson’s 5.34 ERA. Sibley hit an RBI single, 6-0, and Jennings would throw in a sac fly as the final marker in the inning. Portland would give Okrasinski the chance to complete the shutout against the 1-2-3 bit of the Stars’ lineup, especially with a 7-0 lead given that he was already on 102 pitches. Botzet annoyingly reached on a bunt single, but Riquenes fanned and Jon Ramos flew out to center. Kyle Beard poked at the very next pitch, Berto was on the other end, and the game ended on a household 6-3 play. 7-0 Raccoons! Ramos 2-5, BB, RBI; Zeltser 2-5, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Sibley 2-5, RBI; Jennings 2-3, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Okrasinski 9.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (12-6) and 1-4;

In other news

August 8 – NAS C Matt Cooper (.269, 7 HR, 38 RBI) drills a pinch-hit home run for the only score in the Blue Sox’ 1-0 win over the Rebels.
August 9 – The Canadiens run out of pitchers first and concede six runs in the 15th inning to fall to the Loggers, 12-6. It is one of two 15-inning games in the CL on that day, with the Knights beating the Falcons, 3-2, also in 15 innings.
August 10 – BOS OF/2B Moises Avila (.303, 9 HR, 49 RBI) hits a solo homer from the leadoff spot for the only mark in a 1-0 Titans win over the Indians.
August 11 – The Buffaloes lose 3B/SS Mike Miles (.258, 2 HR, 19 RBI) for the season; the 26-year-old is out with a broken kneecap.
August 11 – The season may or may not be over for sophomore SAC RF/LF Troy Greenway (.245, 12 HR, 42 RBI), who is out with a torn abdominal muscle.
August 11 – A walkoff triple by WAS INF/LF Adam Crabb (.283, 6 HR, 56 RBI) ends a Falcons-Capitals game in its sixth hour and 17th inning, with Washington claiming a 6-5 victory.
August 12 – DEN 1B Kumanosuke Henderson (.255, 15 HR, 75 RBI) cracks two homers for a total of 7 RBI against the Canadiens, who go under without much noise in a 17-3 Gold Sox rout.
August 12 – 23 hits and only three runs sprinkled over 16 innings – the Aces outlast the Rebels to claim a dragged-out 2-1 victory.
August 13 – SAC SP Andy Palomares (17-6, 3.23 ERA) throws a 2-hit shutout against the Crusaders. Sacramento wins 5-0.

Complaints and stuff

Palomares has 17 wins…? What the…?

The good news was that Manny Fernandez’ thumb wasn’t going to fall off immediately and that he might be able to play on Tuesday… and we’d have Monday off.

Elliott Thompson is hitting .171 in St. Pete. Good stuff. Travis Coffee has ruptured finger tendons and is out for the season. But, eh, we blew our season entirely fine without him…

2-week homestand coming up. Blue Sox and Indians next week, then the week after we’ll also get the Titans in to do a victory lap. Maud, please remind me to tie a stone to my neck and throw myself in the Willamette by the 21st. Thanks.

Fun Fact: Ryan Allan’s only career home run came off Victor Govea, who is now on the Indians.

The Raccoons released the 2022 fourth-rounder and frequent cup-of-coffee guest this week. The last year the now 32-year-old had gotten a sizable chunk of at-bats in the majors had been ’31, and he had rotted on the AAA roster ever since. He was a .257/.341/.308 batter in the Bigs with one homer and 33 RBI in 208 games. This year he had batted .209 with the Alley Cats.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (65-53) vs. Blue Sox (71-47) – August 15-17, 2034

Best in the Federal League, the Blue Sox did it with offense, offense, offense, piling 5.2 runs per game on the opposition, which they needed given that their pitching was in the bottom three in the league. Their rotation was a mess, and their pen had a hard time limiting all the damage and pitching all the innings. This was the fourth straight year the teams played each other; the Raccoons had won two out of three in ’33.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (11-4, 2.41 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (10-9, 4.45 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-5, 3.46 ERA) vs. Doug Clifford (11-6, 3.54 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-7, 3.78 ERA) vs. Pablo Correa (12-3, 3.63 ERA)

Not quite sure what to make of the Blue Sox sending their current worst offender to begin a series after the off day on Monday. It would have been Clifford’s turn. Clifford and Correa were their only left-handers. The Raccoons used their off day to skip Gilberto Rendon, who some still remembered was the Opening Day starter four months and change ago…

Game 1
NAS: SS Bouldin – RF Stross – 3B Bossert – 2B J. Allen – CF R. Sanchez – LF Ashley – C Dear – 1B Ugolino – P M. Morrison
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – C Wall – CF Reichardt – P Chavez

Berto stole his 40th base after being brushed by a pitch in the bottom 1st. Tim Stalker doubled him home for an early 1-0 lead, and Berto was on base again, legging out an infield single after Chavez had unexpectedly extended the bottom 2nd with a nobody-on, 2-out single up the middle. Bob Zeltser knocked a fly to deep, deep right, but the ball didn’t get over the fence, and the old bones of Doug Stross got to the wall in time to make a catch right against the padding. Zeltser would be robbed again of extra bases in the fifth, the by Raul Sanchez in center, and the score remained at 1-0, which was not typical of Blue Sox games, but very typical of Raccoons games (although mostly the other way round…..).

Bernie entered the sixth having put on a single player – old man Stross – with four balls in the first inning and had since sat down 14 in a row. When Jimmy Wallace shagged both Fabien Ugolino’s deep fly and Mark Morrison’s weak duck snort both hit vaguely in his direction I started to believe in the game Bernie was having. Alas, the seventh brought back Stross again, and the longtime Scorpion singled through the right side in cold blood, taking all those hopes and dreams of a no-hitter away again. Well, maybe we’d still win the game at least… buuut… then the Coons couldn’t turn two on Chance Bossert’s grounder, he stole second, Jim Allen singled to move the tying run to third, Raul Sanchez hit a sac fly, and then Sean Ashley hit one to Vancouver, Washington – at least, maybe even Vancouver, Elkland. Bottom 8th, Bob Zeltser led off with a double to right, the Raccoons’ first base knock in a while, and other than their previous hit, Kurt Wall’s leadoff double in the fourth, this one wasn’t even ignored entirely, just for two batters… Billy Jennings batted for Bad Luck Travis and singled in the run, and Fernandez and Wall dropped in two more singles to tie the game! Ross Sibley then hit for Reichardt, but popped out. The Coons pieced together a scoreless top 9th with three pitchers (Wise, Fernandez, Blair) who overcame two singles, but couldn’t score after Zeltser’s 2-out double off Morrison in the bottom 9th, and the game went to extras, where the Critters left the winning run – Jennings – on second base again in the 10th. After that another major lull broke out that was only ended by Antonio Prieto’s unravelment in his third inning and the 14th overall. Allen and Matt Cooper opened the inning with singles, Justin Simmons bunted them over, and Matt Dear fanned, but then Ugolino and PITCHER Steve Russell slapped home a run each with a 2-out single, with Ugolino axed down in a rundown on the latter, ending the inning and, after another ****ty hitting display by the home team, also the game. 5-3 Blue Sox. Wall 2-6, 2B, RBI; Chavez 8.0 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 5 K and 1-3;

(silently sits at his desk, with the forehead resting on the plate, and doesn’t move an inch)

Game 2
NAS: SS Bouldin – RF Stross – 3B Bossert – 2B J. Allen – CF R. Sanchez – LF Ashley – C M. Cooper – 1B Ugolino – P Clifford
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – 3B Hawkins – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – CF Reichardt – P Sabre

The Raccoons had three base runners in the first two innings, two of which reached on an error by a corner infielder, and none of which scored, while Sabre retired eight straight before having a stroke, conceding singles to Clifford and Billy Bouldin, who reached scoring position on clumsy defense, before an outright butcher job by Ramos plated a run via error on Stross’ grounder. Sabre struck Bossert with a pitch, then somehow survived “Mastodon” Allen – batting .336 with 12 homers and the reigning Federal League AND All Star Game MVP for a reason! – when he grounded him out to Zitzner, stranding three. Portland weirdly enough responded, getting Salgado on, even if he was forced out by Wallace, before Walker stalked, and Hawkins and Zitzner(!!) both hit RBI singles to flip the scoreboard display, but the lead didn’t last, with Sabre falling behind every batter in the fourth and walking Matt Cooper before Ugolino doubled the game tied with two outs… and then got caught in another rundown. The Blue Sox remained undeterred and deferred taking Sabre’s head off another inning. Said numb skull was removed with two outs and a Stross single, Bossert’s third homer of the season, and then another Ramos error followed by two singles for a third run, which was also the one that led me to get into a fight with Slappy over who’s bottle of Capt’n Coma this was.

The Blue Sox zoomed away in the sixth, with Ugolino landing one final hit against Sabre leading off, and when Gilberto Rendon was enlisted for long relief after his removal from the Tuesday start, he did the absolute worst job possible, getting one out from Bouldin before allowing four 2-out hits in a row for another four runs on the board. Rendon struck out the bottom of the order in the inning after that, but this was already at a point where I couldn’t wait til after the game to tell him IN PERSON that he could go **** himself rather than just yelling it at the TV next to a somewhat annoyed Slappy. As far as Raccoons position players were concerned, the game wasn’t worth the effort anymore, although the Blue Sox *made them* score a run with a 2-base throwing error by Justin Ollis AND a wild pitch by Clifford in the bottom of the eighth… Justin Simmons took it back with a homer off Garavito in the ninth. Clifford fell one out shy of a complete game, being slapped for three singles and a run in the bottom 9th, not that it mattered… 10-4 Blue Sox. Salgado 2-5; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2 RBI;

The Sox lost Sean Ashley to injury. The rookie was out for the month with a sprained ankle. The Raccoons had only lost all their dignity, so it wasn’t quite as bad……

Game 3
NAS: SS Bouldin – RF Stross – 3B Bossert – 2B J. Allen – LF R. Sanchez – C M. Cooper – CF Simmons – 1B Ugolino – P D. Mason
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – RF Salgado – C Scheffer – P del Rio

Thursday brought right-hander Donovan Mason (9-11, 4.40 ERA) rather than another southpaw, which was fine either way – we could effortlessly lose against both! Mason had a 1-0 lead from the first, owing to two sharp hits off del Rio by Bouldin and Bossert, while del Rio didn’t even have basic command over the crap he threw. He was behind most hitters in he early innings, and somehow the Blue Sox didn’t kill him outright, which was very kind of them. The score remained 1-0 while neither team could find a way to poke their way on base until the bottom 5th when Salgado reached on a leadoff single and stole second. Following two poor outs by the poor battery, Berto singled home the run to tie the game, then dashed around to slide across home plate for a 2-1 lead on Zeltser’s double. Stalker flew out to end the fifth.

Del Rio held the opposition to four hits in seven innings and maintained the 2-1 lead that became 3-1 while he was still officially in the game on Philip Scheffer’s unexpected solo homer to right-center in the bottom of the seventh. Chris Wise took over in the eighth, found two runs of lead excessive, and gave one of them back by walking Stross, who reached second on Bossert’s groundout, and scored on a “Mastodon” Allen single, who got his 85th RBI of the season. 85! In August! Our team leader has… who is it even? … Cristiano!? … Which of these numbers are RBIs? They’re all so tiny! Raccoons RBI leader Jimmy Wallace, it turned out, was at 62, and that didn’t change in the eighth when he batted with one out and Stalker on first base, and chucked a ball right at Bossert for a 5-4-3 double play. Blair retired Cooper, Simmons, and Ugolino in order to salvage one game in the set. 3-2 Coons. Ramos 2-3, BB, RBI; Scheffer 2-3, HR, RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (10-7);

That was a squeaker.

Have we ever won a game by more than two runs…? – I see you nodding, Cristiano, but where are your numbers??

Raccoons (66-55) vs. Indians (57-62) – August 18-20, 2034

Indy has lost four in a row. They were scoring the fewest runs (fewer than the Coons?? How??) and were giving up not many at all, but let’s just say 3.7 runs per game were not a winning mix. We led the season series, 8-3.

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (12-6, 4.24 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (13-8, 2.98 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.72 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (1-1, 4.60 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (11-4, 2.46 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (6-13, 3.92 ERA)

Right, left, right – and the Indians’ already anemic lineup was further reduced with John Baron and Juan Benito on the DL. John Hansen was also ailing to begin the series.

Game 1
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – 1B Jon Gonzalez – C Kuhlmann – SS Barlow – 3B Grigsby – CF Linnell – P Bressner
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Wall – P Okrasinski

Okrasinski struck out three in the opening inning… but Jon Gonzalez managed to sneak in an RBI single, collecting Dan Schneller and his double for the first marker of the game. Fernandez and Reichardt hit back-to-back doubles to get even in the second, and there the game remained while Okrasinski whiffed seven in four innings right up until the rains came. Bressner singled off Okrasinski to begin the fifth inning, and on an 0-2 pitch, while both their caps were soaking wet. Acor hit into a fielder’s choice, but that was the end for the Raccoons’ pitcher with a rain delay called that lasted over an hour. Prieto emerged on the other end to retire Schneller and Mike Plunkett to end the fifth. Bressner went back to the mound for the bottom 5th, for the second straight inning gave up a leadoff hit, now to Wall, and for the second straight inning got a double play grounder from the next flapjack to turn the corner in this case Billy Jennings…

Both teams failed their way to one run on four hits through seven innings, with Chris Wise tasked with the eighth. He was ludicrous, allowing a leadoff double to Dustin Acor, who right away left the game with a groin strain, to be replaced by Nelson Colon. Schneller bunted the runner to third, Plunkett whiffed, and then Wise loaded them up by nailing Gonzalez and walking Morgan Kuhlmann. Yank! David Fernandez took over against the left-handed Jake Barlow, who ran a 3-1 count before poking and grounding out, stranding three. Lance Legleiter was doing duty in the bottom 8th with his near-6 ERA. Wall lined out to Pat Green at third base. Salgado lined out to Pat Green at third base. Berto thankfully went the other way, and far, far the other way – HOME RUN BERTO!! Coons have the lead!! It was also all they could muster against the Arrowheads, and the 2-1 lead would be Fernandez’ in the ninth given that Ed Blair had pitched two out of three days, but the Tuesday outing had been for five outs with hiccups, and this was the bottom of the order of the worst offensive team in the league. Richard Linnell hit a 1-out single, but that was all. Juan Herrera and Nelson Colon ended the game with pops. 2-1 Blighters. Wall 1-2, BB; Okrasinski 4.1 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 7 K;

With this not very inspiring win we closed the gap to Boston to seven games. They had yet to win a game on the week. The Cyclones had swept them, Thursday had been off, and their game in Elktown was rained out on this Friday. They had a double header tomorrow.

Game 2
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – SS Hansen – 3B P. Green – CF Linnell – P Terwilliger
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Hawkins – CF Reichardt – C Wall – LF Sibley – P Rendon

Coming off a terrible outing in relief on Wednesday, Rendon was on a 75-pitch limit for this game. Not that we would take a hit by losing him to injury, but I hated seeing millions paid to players lingering on the DL for the year. And before things could go majorly wrong with him, Rendon singled home two runs with two outs in the bottom 2nd, giving himself a 3-0 lead. Preceding the offensive heroics had been a comedy of errors; Tom Hawkins walked, and Linnell grossly misplayed Wall’s fly for an RBI double. Sibley was walked intentionally before Juan Herrera kicked a spiked pitch up the first base line to allow the runners to advance to where Rendon could take full advantage.

Although, technically full advantage would have meant the win, too, wouldn’t it? Rendon didn’t get it, becoming unglued in the fifth. Green and Linnell went to the corners with singles, and having a terminally ill offense the Indians knew the smell of death when it hit them in the nostrils. Terwilliger swung away and flew out to center for a sac fly. Rendon saw Acor, but walked him, and then was lifted after 78 pitches for 4.1 innings. Bates inherited the tying runs on base, walked Schneller to fill the dishes, got Salgado to race in to catch a Herrera pop, and then somehow whiffed Plunkett to strand three. The Coons didn’t do anything worth writing home about at this point, so it was about Mauricio Garavito keeping the door shut while being penciled in for two innings. He stalled John Hansen and his 1-out triple in the sixth, but got stuck in the right-handed part of the order in the seventh. Schneller and Herrera singled, and a pitching change was advised. Portland went to Prieto, who fit nicely in the #5 hole where Hawkins had just made the final out in the bottom 6th. Zitzner entered the game at first base, batting ninth, and received a perfect feed from Zeltser on Plunkett’s groundout to end the inning. Prieto also did the eighth, but Terwilliger stuck it out for eight innings against the Coons, allowing four hits and three walks, and it was back to Blair in the ninth. Linnell lined out to Zeltser, but Morgan Kuhlmann singled to left. Acor ran a 2-0 count before hitting a ball right at Berto, and the game ended in a double play. 3-1 Raccoons. Wall 1-2, BB, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1; Rendon 4.1 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K and 1-1, 2 RBI;

Like glue. Like glue!

Game 3
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – SS Hansen – 3B Barlow – CF Linnell – P Kretzmann
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – 2B Sibley – C Scheffer – P Chavez

Bottom 2nd, Jennings‘ single gave the Critters the early led when it scored Travis ZItzner, who had reached second base with a hard double on which he had almost looked like a major league player. Linnell opened the third with a triple into the corner, but Bernie buckled down, rung up Kretzmann, got Acor to pop out, walked Schneller, which was not so great, and then got Herrera to ground out to Sibley, stranding Linnell at third. On to the fourth, where Plunkett hit a leadoff double before Bernie got two outs and walked John Hansen, but this time it brought up an angry Richard Linnell, who singled sharply to center to tie the game at one. Kretzmann fanned to strand two, but the fifth began with another leadoff hit, an Acor single, and again the Indians ached their way through to a run, Herrera bringing the go-ahead run home with another hit. The Raccoons remained a goddamn embarrassment, amounting to no other hits but the pair from the second inning all the way though five.

Barlow’s single to start the sixth marked the fourth straight inning that the Arrowheads got the leadoff man on via base knock. Hansen bunted him over, but Linnell’s fly to right and Kretzmann’s grounder to second base stranded the runner at third base. Bottom 6th, the Coons awoke from their comatose condition with a leadoff walk drawn by Zeltser and then a Manny single. Jimmy Wallace raked the first pitch he saw and unleashed a grenade that took out a fat guy and his two trays with food on the stairs in section 79 behind the rightfield fence – a 3-run homer! Hal-le-luyah!!

Bernie would throw 108 pitches for seven and two thirds innings of 7-hit ball, which sounded less nerve-wrecking than it really was, with David Fernandez ringing up Barlow to complete eight innings. Whether David would get a chance at a save depended on the offense, but things looked bleak with Zeltser and Manny Fernandez making quick outs against Kretzmann to begin the bottom 8th. Wallace then singled past Schneller, which brought up Zitzner and lowered expectations even further, at least until Zitzner hit a shot to right that also broke the plane over the wall, and hit the same fat guy on the same stairs when he already had beer and mustard all over his face and well-worn Carl Bean uniform, splattering the contents of another tray of food all over him. What a wonderful sight! Offense!! Fernandez then returned to pitch the ninth, with the save chance taken off, and was one strike away from whiffing the side when Kuhlmann grounded out to Zitzner instead. 6-2 Coons! Wallace 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Zitzner 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.2 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (12-4); D. Fernandez 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K, SV (3);

In other news

August 17 – Salem’s Jose Castro (.319, 9 HR, 48 RBI) is going to miss three weeks with a strained rib cage muscle.
August 17 – Two walks, a C Toby Ross (.287, 15 HR, 65 RBI) single, and a throwing error by PIT LF/RF Vicente Palacios (.270, 6 HR, 38 RBI) allow the Canadiens to walk off in regulation, 5-4.
August 18 – The epidemic of broken kneecaps continues with LVA 1B Sean Gustafson (.273, 13 HR, 71 RBI) the latest victim. Gustafson is out for the season, but hopes to return by Opening Day.

Complaints and stuff

Did we actually see some sort of pulse on Travis Zitzner towards the end of this week? Not really. While he had two big hits this week, both were meaningless, and he only got five hits in 18 attempts altogether, adding a measly point to his average (three points to OPS). If that guy could stop blowing out of a hole, it would REALLY liven up the offense though!

We start next week with the Titans in on Tuesday. WE have Monday off – but they don’t! They have a makeup game with the Falcons *at home*, so after losing two of three (and almost blowing the third one too) in Elk City in two days they will fly cross country twice in 24 hours to get that one in before rolling in here. That should tucker them out! They will also play some of the meaner CL South teams for the rest of the month, while the Critters will have softer competition. If we could get within five games or so by September 1 …….

Ah, illusions. (continues to shove the neck of his Capt’n Coma bottle into his mouth)

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have scored more than four runs only three times in August.

(opens mouth, then reconsiders, closes mouth and takes Honeypaws instead)

(holds Honeypaws while slowly rocking back and forth on the couch)

[Westheim]

Raccoons (69-55) vs. Titans (75-49) – August 22-24, 2034

As gleefully laid out on Sunday, the Raccoons, despite being down 4-8 in the season series, thought themselves to have an advantage in this very, very last shot at getting back into a race – the Raccoons, as day broke on Tuesday morning, had played two games in the last three days. The Titans had played four, including a vicious 13-3 rout of the Falcons in a makeup game in Boston on Monday, where they had flown from Elk City. Of course they were still allowing the fewest runs in the CL and we had yet to crack them any meaningful amount. The only hope was for more 3-2 wins than 2-1 losses in this series, facing the CL’s eighth-best offense.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (10-6, 3.58 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (6-7, 3.88 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (10-7, 3.67 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (6-7, 3.70 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (12-6, 4.18 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (10-7, 2.73 ERA)

Their compressed schedule also meant Boston had to send somebody on short rest in the middle game, either the right-hander Gonzalez or the left-hander Chavez. Righty Potter was starting the series on ample rest anyway.

Game 1
BOS: CF M. Avila – 3B Gil – LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – C J. Young – 2B R. West – RF M. Walker – 1B E. Gonzalez – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Sabre

And yet, Antonio Gil walked, stole second, and scored on Willie Vega’s single right in the first inning. Not so tuckered out after all, huh? Me and my big mouth were shown the door about as fast as Sabre was, who was crawling through innings anyway and who had a pitch count exploding faster than my blood alcohol concentration. After Bob Zeltser made up the first-inning run with a solo homer, two inning of pyrrhic warfare followed, very much including a bottom of the third inning in which the Raccoons loaded the bases only to have Manny Fernandez fly out to strand them all without scoring. In the top 4th, Willie Vega drew a leadoff walk and advanced on two groundouts before Rhett West’s single put Boston up 2-1. Mark Walker was hit, Edgar Gonzalez hit Sabre with another RBI single, and they added two more on Keith Spataro’s 2-run homer in the fifth. A Jennings homer in between all the melting and downing meant we still had a 3-run game and a team with a living offense still capable of breathing oxygen without face masks would have had a chance to make another run for it. But this was the Raccoons. When Ramos and Zeltser reached base to begin the bottom 7th, thus bringing up the tying run, Stalker popped out and Wallace hit into a double play. When Fernandez singled and Jennings got nailed in the eighth, Hawkins made the final out regardless. And then Jermaine Campbell drove the dagger in with an 11-pitch bottom of the ninth, sitting down the 1-2-3 Critters in order. 5-2 Titans. Zeltser 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Jennings 1-2, BB, HR, RBI;

Ssseriously… (holds on to the bottle for support while barely being able to hold his head up as it tries to sink into the comfortable warmth of his inside elbow) Sersissiisssly. **** hope. **** her. Jusss.. **** her all the way. She’s a whore. And she’s goddasisssssrr. Sister. A Sister. And her name is – hcks! – her name is … MORE LOS-SIN- (falls off the chair with a thud)

Game 2
BOS: CF M. Avila – 3B Gil – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – C J. Young – 2B R. West – 1B E. Gonzalez – P T. Chavez
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 3B Hawkins – C Wall – CF Reichardt – P del Rio

Even leadoff singles by Ramos and Salgado, which saw Ramos scurry to third base outright and Salgado steal second when nobody watched him with Tim Stalker still at the plate could only get the Critters so far. Stalker lined out to Antonio Gil, Wallace popped out to left and barely deep enough to get Ramos home, and Zitzner’s groundout stranded Hugo Salgado altogether. Of course this was another game of agony; Tom Hawkins was thrown out at home plate, starting from second base on del Rio’s 2-out single in the bottom 2nd, and in the top 3rd del Rio began with a 3-0 count on Chavez before the southpaw popped out. Gil however reached on an error by Bad Luck Travis… If no runs, del Rio at least incurred plenty of pointless mileage, but it was yet to get worse. Top 4th, he nailed Willie Vega to open the inning. Spataro hit an RBI double into the left corner immediately, the ****ing coonskinner, and West would whack one the other way for another RBI double, and that one on an 0-2 pitch. Stalker botched a soft line by Edgar Gonzalez for an error, putting them on the corners with one out for the opposing pitcher, which smelled like a knockout I the making, but when Chavez flew out to left, JIMMY WALLACE threw out Rhett West at home plate to end the inning. Wallace!! The “Look Ma! No hands- oh bloody ****ing **** (scurries after the ball)” guy!

After five, the game was even at two. Wall and Reichardt dropped in leadoff singles, after which del Rio could barely get a bunt down. Berto hit an RBI single, but Salgado lined out to West (who held on…) and Stalker grounded out to short to strand the go-ahead run on third base. Del Rio trundled on, issued leadoff walks in the seventh and eighth, and was knocked out when Spataro singled with one gone in the top 8th. Two on, David Fernandez got a double play grounder from Jim Young to keep scores even. With one out in the bottom half of the eighth, the Coons had Berto and Stalker on the corners after a pair of singles. Jimmy Wallace had to get this ****ing run in! HE HAD TO! And then Chavez fell to 3-0, which was good on one hand, and Zitzner up as the second and third out on the other paw. Come the 3-0 pitch, Wallace ripped away, I screamed, the park made a gasping noise, the fly to deep center was caught, but Moises Avila had no chance against Berto, so the go-ahead run DID come in. Job … well done, … eh? Zitzner singled yet Hawkins grounded out, leaving Ed Blair with no cushion. But at least he faced the bottom of the order, so what could possibly go wrong? Rhett West struck out, PH Mark Walker grounded out to Hawkins, PH Bobby Beam… singled. And then Avila walked on four pitches. The count on Gil ran full… 3-2 breaking pitch, runners in motion, swung on and missed – ballgame!! 3-2 Blighters! Ramos 3-4, RBI; del Rio 7.1 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K and 1-2;

David Fernandez got the win, his 10th decision of the season. Oh well. Chris Wise has 15 decisions, most of them yuck. None of our starters has more than 18, and Rendon actually has fewer decisions than our disgraced closer, who had his annual save total matched by Ed Blair in this game – both had 17 now. Fernandez had three.

That left a rubber game between Robby Gonzalez and Pat Okrasinski, who had been alternating yay and meh starts for over a month and was technically due a good one… Win, and we can think about the magic number going forward. Lose, and nothing matters anymore.

Game 3
BOS: CF M. Avila – 3B Gil – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – C J. Young – 2B R. West – 1B E. Gonzalez – P R. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Okrasinski

Four hits, two runs, one on Antonio Gil’s double without making even their first out, and the Titans appeared fat in business right out of the gates. To anybody’s surprise the Raccoons found three straight hits from Zeltser, Stalker, and Wallace to get one run on the board, but when Jimmy Wallace was stupidly picked off first base and Zitzner flew out to deep center, that killed the inning. The question that was more pressing was about Okrasinski and whether the Titans would leave enough of him for me to pick every single hair out of his fat bum individually after the game. He walked Edgar Gonzalez and Antonio Gil in the second, both without throwing a strike, and also a wild pitch, and somehow the Titans didn’t eviscerate him for it. Spataro and West spanked hits in the third and were left on the corners, but there was no talking it up – Okrasinski was utter dog ****… and needed *68* pitches through THREE innings. The fourth inning was his last; he walked Gonzalez leading off, on four pitches to boot, threw a wild pitch, and somehow the Titans couldn’t get their pitcher in from third base. Not that Garavito was much better in the following inning. Leadoff single, wild pitch, 1-out single by Jim Young, and then somehow Zeltser got a pop and Edgar Gonzalez grounded out to Stalker, and another pair was left on the corners…

The Critters were still seeking their first base knock since the Wallace single in the bottom 1st… Jennings came up with it in the bottom 5th, a 1-out single… and then Adrian Reichardt came up with a double play grounder. I came up with a case of The Screams, so much so that Slappy bolted and went to clean something. And then Hennessy finally was the idiot who blew the game wide open, allowing Avila and Gil on base in the sixth, the two pulled off a double steal, and Ivan Vega singled them in, putting Boston up 4-1. In the seventh Jim Young hit a leadoff single to center, Manny Fernandez had the ball go through the wickets for an error, and when Hennessy got to two outs with Young at third base, he plated him with a wild pitch rather than taking it out on Avila. A token chance developed on Gonzalez’ way out in the eighth. He walked Sibley and Ramos to begin the inning, then was lifted for a procession of relievers that retired the next three Critters without trouble. 5-1 Titans. Wallace 2-4, RBI; Jennings 1-2, BB;

Raccoons (70-57) vs. Aces (54-73) – August 25-27, 2034

Neither team had any hope left. The Aces were fifth in runs scored and the absolute worst team in giving up runs. The Raccoons had a 4-2 edge in the season series. AND NOTHING ELSE.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.64 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (0-1, 4.67 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (12-4, 2.45 ERA) vs. John Jackson (8-10, 4.23 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-7, 3.75 ERA) vs. Peter Gill (8-10, 4.54 ERA)

Gill was the sole lefty available and also laboring on a sore oblique, so was ultimately questionable for Sunday. Next up would be Chris Crowell (5-11, 5.04 ERA), but if we were to be entirely honest, the Coons wouldn’t score more than two token runs against either of them, anyway… Three maybe if the wind was whipping dirt in the shortstop’s eyes.

Game 1
LVA: LF Salto – C Horner – 3B Stedham – RF E. Martin – 2B Briones – 1B Escamilla – SS McNatt – CF Jorgensen – P Klages
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Sibley – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – P Rendon

The Raccoons scored their daily allotment right in the first inning with Zeltser reaching on a single and being tripled home by Fernandez, who in turn came around on a Wallace double, and Jimmy Wallace was dutifully stranded after that. They went up 3-0 in the second because the wind whipped dirt into the shortstop’s AND the second baseman’s eyes – Jeff McNatt botched Rendon’s grounder, Berto reached on a Mario Briones error, and Zeltser landed an RBI knock for an unearned run. In between, Rendon had already loaded the bases with a hit and two walks, including a 4-pitch free pass to ****ing Jamie Klages, so things were still rather volatile in here. To drive that point home, Evan Martin hit his 15th long ball of the season in the top 3rd, a solo shot that kept me grumpy.

Five innings of ****ty tossing was all that Rendon had in him, and while the Aces only ever got that one run off him, he managed to whiff off over 100 pitches for six hits and two walks, which didn’t even sound that outlandishly high… No, he had been just plain old ****. The Titans would have sent him home in the third inning at the latest… At least he did last five – Klages didn’t make it that far, giving up a bushel of walks and even more runs in the bottom 5th. Zeltser walked and scored on Fernandez’ second triple of the game. Wallace walked and moved up on a groundout. Sibley walked, and Reichardt walked with the bags full. Scheffer doubled home two, and Hawkins had a sac fly hitting for Rendon, facing right-hander Jeremy Wallis. Ramos grounded out, concluding a 5-run fifth, and that was more or less the ballgame. Zitzner singled home Fernandez against Wallis in the bottom 6th, and that would be the final run of the game as the Raccoons started to channel energy for the after-game pig roast (the blood was needed in the tummy region, not the paws!), and the Aces just couldn’t hurt the Critters’ pen. 9-1 Raccoons. Zeltser 2-3, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, 2 3B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Scheffer 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Prieto 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K; D. Fernandez 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Portland did however use three shortstops in the game. Tom Hawkins pinch-hit late and stayed in the game for Ramos to get Berto off his hindpaws, but only for an inning; Hawkins left with elbow pain that turned out to be inflammation and was sent to the DL afterwards. Tim Stalker finished out the contest at short. Justin Marsingill was brought back as reward for good behavior.

Then there was on game on Saturday on accounts of ill weather. A double-header was scheduled for Sunday instead.

Game 2
LVA: LF Salto – C Horner – 3B Stedham – RF E. Martin – 2B Briones – 1B Escamilla – SS Schneider – CF Jorgensen – P J. Jackson
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Chavez

Bottom 1st, the Critters started with a walk, two singles, and a hit batter before Zitzner struck out, Fernandez popped out, and finally Kurt Wall found space between Evan Martin and Steve Jorgensen for a 2-run double. Jennings grounded out, ending the inning up 3-0. The next two innings were identical; the Aces got a leadoff single and stranded the runner, and the Coons got two men on and hit into a double play. But when Jesse Stedham drew a leadoff walk in the fourth, Victor Escamilla and Brian Schneider hit singles and the Aces scored their first run of the game. Nobody really reached base from there through six, and then Chavez was of course broken up in the seventh. Escamilla hit a leadoff double, Bernie whiffed a pair, but succumbed to a pinch-hit RBI double by Tony Salinas in the #9 hole and Salto’s RBI single up the middle. That tied the game at three then, because as usual the stupid home team had considered a 3-spot the good lord’s work being done and over with… GODDAMNIT!!

Jimmy Wallace was the first Raccoon to appear in scoring position since the bottom 3rd when he hit a leadoff double off Natanael Abrao in the EIGHTH. To anybody’s amazement, Zitzner singled, putting the go-ahead run on third base with nobody out. After one of Manny Fernandez’ heroic pop-ups, Kurt Wall zinged a ball past Brian Schneider for an RBI single and the Raccoons indeed took another lead…! Of course, that was all they got. Jennings and Reichardt grounded out, and Ed Blair was on his own again. Drilling Brian Schneider turned out not to be enough to blow this game, at least not against the Aces, who otherwise made three calm outs. 4-3 Raccoons. Zitzner 2-4; Wall 3-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 7 K and 1-2;

Game 3
LVA: LF Salto – SS Schneider – 3B Stedham – RF E. Martin – 2B Briones – 1B Escamilla – C T. Salinas – CF Jorgensen – P Gill
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – 3B Marsingill – P Sabre

The game began with four straight balls to Graciano Salto, then a Schneider grounder that remained stuck in Berto’s glove for an error. Stedham struck out, Salto was axed trying to nip third base, and Evan Martin grounded out to Stalker. Ho-hum? While the Coons played dumb once more and did little to nothing, and when they did something hit into a double play like Zitzner in the fourth and Scheffer before that in the second, at least Scheffer had two axed runners to his name by the fourth inning, having cut down Martin in the top 4th. Sabre continued to throw a gazillion pitches while treading water all the time. He needed 38 pitches for seven outs once through the order, then another 35 for eight outs the second time through (and remember that this was all caught-stealing-enhanced). At least the Aces were not on the board with anything but one measly base hit… Sabre *did* hit a double in the bottom 5th that came with two outs and also chased Scheffer to third base after his battery mate had drawn a walk. Up came Berto; some teams had preferred to walk him with first base open, but the Aces had the platoon edge here with him up rather than Salgado, so didn’t put him on intentionally – Berto shrugged and took his base by force, and his base was third base on a 2-out, 2-run triple! Salgado hit an RBI single to give Sabre a 3-0 lead. Stalker also singled, but Wallace flew out to Salto.

Sabre struck out three batters in the sixth inning, but they weren’t exactly the first three batters he faced… in fact they were none of the first three batters, who all reached base. Salto walked on four pitches and Schneider and Stedham both had RBI base knocks… While Sabre was whisked to play with a rubber duckie in the bath instead, Nick Bates completed the throwing-away of the 3-0 lead when he served up a bomb to Jorgensen in the seventh… Portland responded with having the bases loaded with one out in the bottom 7th, with “Graveyard” Gill drilling Zeltser like he meant it before walking Berto and allowing a soft single to Salgado. Stalker promptly popped out, and Wallace ran a full count before ripping a ball down the rightfield line. Martin didn’t get there and couldn’t even cut it off. It was extra bases for Wallace, Zeltser scored, Ramos scored, Salgado scored, 6-3 Critters in the seventh! The following inning Berto drew a bases-loaded walk against Chris Pyles, and another run scored on a double play grounder for the final tally. 8-3 Raccoons. Ramos 1-3, 2 BB, 3B, 3 RBI; Salgado 2-5, RBI; Wallace 1-3, BB, 2B, 3 RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1;

In other news

August 23 – 44 players, 34 hits, 21 runs, and over six hours before the Bayhawks walk off 11-10 winners over the Thunder in a 17-inning marathon. Both teams use 22 players a side. SFB OF Ryan Cassell (.312, 7 HR, 55 RBI) has four hits, two walks, and drives in three runs.
August 26 – 23-year-old TOP OF/1B Miguel Reyna (.218, 6 HR, 39 RBI) has himself a game in the Buffaloes’ 17-3 whooping of the Pacifics. The Nicaraguan sophomore drives in seven runs from the cleanup spot, registering three hits, including a grand slam.
August 26 – The Crusaders beat the Knights, 7-6 in 10 innings, walking off I wicked fashion. With Stephen Williams at second and Mario Hurtado at first, and Fernando Garcia batting, ATL CL Marcus Goode (5-2, 3.50 ERA, 24 SV), just into the game, throws wildly to second base in a misguided pickoff attempt, advancing the runners. When Garcia grounds to short, an error by ATL SS Keith Thomson (.291, 7 HR, 53 RBI) allows Williams to score and end the game.

Complaints and stuff

I don’t get it. The players on this team have such a good pouncing move when there’s a rack of ribs to be pounced on. But when the Titans come in without sleep or rest, they lie down and take it. That was the chance. Winning at least TWO would have meant a 4-game deficit going forward. Ugh…!

I know that I’ve seen *some teams*… but I’m not quite sure I have ever seen something like what’s been going on for a solid eight weeks. The little ****s have entirely refused to play for basically two months. Pitching is there most days. Hitting never is. They can’t be arsed. Maybe we should cut down on the racks of ribs every Wednesday and Saturday before the game then, because I can’t be arsed anymore either! (slams fist on desk)

The Raccoons signed a 2-yr, $1M extension with Mauricio Garavito this week. I don’t see why I would break up our left-handed relief trifecta, and we don’t really have much pushing up from the minors either, at least from the left side.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have hit 65 home runs this year and still have a realistic chance at making it their worst home run year ever.

That’s for hitting home runs on one hand – where the low mark is 74, set in the 2006 season. But it might also be the year where we end up with the biggest difference between homers hit and homers served up.

For the first 20 years of their existence, the Critters always hit dingers, which is why this has always been considered a hitter’s park. We usually hit triple digits and as many as 153 in 1989 (still the record). There were a few seasons where the pitchers served up more than the hitter could drill, like 1987 (-18) and 1991 (-17). Only the late 90s brought really cruel numbers; a new record was set each time in 1997 (-30), 1999 (-43), and 2000 (-53). The latter mark was only broken in 2024, when the team hit 95 homers and gave up a franchise-record 156, a mild -61 difference. The four main starters alone – Roberts (30), Chavez (29), Delgadillo (17), Gutierrez (15) – gave up almost as many as the entire team hit… and then there was the entire supporting cast left, the Travis Garretts of the world…

Right now we’re at -40 but we’ve seen things already this year… we’re one bad weekend with the Crusaders away from getting near that mark. All five starters have already served up at least ten, and shockingly five of our relievers have been bombed at least five times, too…!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (73-57) @ Falcons (58-71) – August 28-30, 2034

The Falcons couldn’t score runs, sitting second from the bottom in markers put on the board. Their pitching was middling, their defense was mediocre, and they couldn’t steal bases for their lives. They also had yet to win a game from the Raccoons in ’34, and the Raccoons had never gone 9-0 against a CL South team.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (10-7, 3.61 ERA) vs. Chris Turner (1-7, 4.87 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (12-7, 4.19 ERA) vs. Juan Vela (2-4, 3.63 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (8-5, 4.54 ERA) vs. Joe Feltman (1-3, 5.40 ERA)

All Falcons starters were 23 years old; all but Feltman were left-handed.

This was the last series entirely ahead of the roster expansion; we’d be in Milwaukee for four games starting on Thursday, the 31st.

Game 1
POR: SS Zeltser – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – C Wall – 3B Marsingill – P del Rio
CHA: RF J. Aguilar – 1B Amundson – C Huichapa – CF Garbinski – 3B G. Ortiz – LF Trahan – SS Camacho – 2B Yi – P C. Turner

After a Salgado hit Turner walked three Raccoons, including Adrian Reichardt with three on and two outs to force in the first run of the game, and then Kurt Wall struck out. Charlotte made that up right away; Jerry Aguilar ran out an infield single, Ernesto Huichapa’s single to left was overran by Manny Fernandez for an error, and Josh Garbinski brought in the tying run with a groundout. Tim Stalker would shoot a homer for a 2-1 lead in the top 3rd, but del Rio continued to be bah and it wouldn’t get any better going forward either. Dave Trahan homered to tie the game in the fourth, and then Omar Camacho singled and In-chul Yi walked. The runners were bunted over, Jerry Aguilar fanned, and with two outs now the Coons had a good chance to escape a jam, but … well, they didn’t, not by a mile. Del Rio served up a 3-run bomb to light-hitting Erik Amundson, put on Huichapa with a single, and then conceded an RBI double to Garbinski, who was caught in a rundown between second and third, like it mattered anymore… del Rio was shanked down 6-2 after four, and that was another game in the bin. Zeltser and Stalker procured a run in the top 5th with a pair of doubles, but the cluster**** got more clustery in the bottom 5th with Antonio Prieto eviscerated. Greg Ortiz and Trahan reached right away, Omar Camacho hit a 2-run double, and after one out was somehow made, Stalker threw away Turner’s grounder for a 2-base, run-scoring error. That raised the score to 9-3, and while the Raccoons would scratch out three runs in the next few innings, with Reichardt landing a 2-out, 2-run single in the seventh before leaving the game with an injury in the eighth, Chris Wise was socked for another three runs (two earned) in the bottom 8th. Tim Stalker made another throwing error with Garbinski at third, two outs, and me not having anything properly to drink since they didn’t sell Capt’n Coma in the Carolinas… The ninth inning began with a weird rally, right-hander Tony Rivas drilling Tim Stalker with a pitch (not that that would preclude Stalker from getting the soap-in-sock treatment later…). Manny Fernandez walked, and Zitzner doubled home the pair, erasing 33% of a 6-run deficit. But at that point, the team had enough and wanted to hit the nearest burger joint for dinner. Jennings, Wall, and Sibley all grounded out to a middle infielder, stranding Zitzner as well. 12-8 Falcons. Zeltser 2-5, 2B; Salgado 2-5, 2B; Stalker 2-3, BB, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Hennessy 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

…!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – CF M. Fernandez – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – LF Trahan – C Huichapa – 3B G. Ortiz – 1B R. Morales – RF Guevara – CF Hubbard – 2B Yi – P Vela

Okrasinski nailed Oscar Aguirre, the first man up, and I braced for the worst, and not for no good reason. While Trahan grounded into a double play, Huichapa was alert and brutalized a fastball for a first-inning solo homer. While the Raccoons were retired in order the first time through, Huichapa had another 2-out RBI hit, a single, the next time up, singling home Aguirre in the bottom 3rd. Greg Ortiz homered, 4-0, and Roberto Morales and Javier Guevara also reached base as all the life was sucked out of me. Brian Hubbard flew out to center, while the Coons didn’t reach base until the fourth – Zeltser making it thanks to Morales’ error – and didn’t get a base knock until another inning later. Fernandez singled after a Tim Stalker walk, parking them on the corners with one out. Vela’s pickoff to first base went through Morales, allowing the runners to move up and Stalker to score. Scheffer singled to center, plating Manny from second base, Okrasinski bunted him over, and Berto was nailed. Salgado singled, loading the sacks with two outs for Zeltser, who of course struck out…

Okrasinski was run out for another two innings, conceding another run on three more hits as the Coons continued to bleed against a team with terrible offense. Well, yeah, tell me about terrible offense… which also continued to diminish in weird ways. With Adrian Reichardt already rolled up in a litter next to the bench with Dr. Chung refusing to look at him until he stopped moaning, the Critters lost another position player to injury in the seventh inning. The frame began with base hits sending Fernandez and Scheffer to the corners. Kurt Wall batted for the pitcher as the tying run with nobody out and smacked a double to right-center to shorten the score to 5-3. He also pulled up lame and was removed from the game, Justin Marsingill pinch-running. Berto lined out to Trahan, but Salgado hit an RBI single, which knocked out Vela in a 5-4 game. Zeltser grounded out, bringing in the tying run anyway against Andy Cormier, and Jimmy Wallace pushed an RBI single to right, putting the Raccoons in front, 6-5, before Travis Zitzner could ruin it all, popping out on a 3-1 pitch. David Fernandez was brought out to pitch the bottom 7th and blew the lead as soon as he could, giving up a single to Trahan and a homer to Ortiz… Portland answered in the top 8th, slamming Carlos Rojo and John Rucker for five hits, mostly with two outs. After a Stalker single and Fernandez grounder that fed into a 4-6-3 double play, Scheffer, Jennings, and Berto rapped off straight singles to tie the game, and Salgado found a 2-run double in his bat. Now up 9-7, the Critters tried Nick Bates in relief, which resulted in a Garbinski single, a walk to Aguirre, and a long fly that Fernandez somehow got paws on off Trahan’s bat… Ed Blair got the mess in the ninth… and for a nice change retired the Falcons in order. 9-7 Raccoons… Salgado 3-5, 2B, 3 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5; Scheffer 3-4, RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Jennings (PH) 1-1;

Bit of an injury logjam here. Adrian Reichardt was DL’ed by Wednesday with a strained hammy, but was expected to make a return before the end of September. His demise allowed for promotion of Elliott Thompson, begrudgingly, with Tony Morales not considered ready for prime time. Thompson had gotten hot over the prior week, now hitting for a .902 OPS in AAA.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – C Thompson – RF Jennings – P Rendon
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – LF Trahan – C Huichapa – CF Garbinski – 1B R. Morales – RF J. Guevara – SS Camacho – 2B Yi – P Feltman

Feltman had walked 19 batters in 30 innings, so patience was the – wait, the top 1st is already over?? Instead, Rendon walked Aguirre, who stole second, reached third on Thompson’s throwing error (…!!), and scored on Huichapa’s groundout. While the Critters made that run up mainly thanks to Fernandez’ quick hindpaws in the top 2nd, Rendon issued another leadoff walk to Morales in the bottom 2nd, and Javier Guevara doubled him in… 2-1 Falcons. Zeltser homered the game tied in the top 3rd, and an Aguirre double and Huichapa single gave Charlotte a new lead in the bottom of the very same inning…

That was it with see-saw – the drudge set in come the middle innings. Hardly anybody landed a base hit, nobody scored a run. Berto stole a base and made an error, both in the fifth inning. That was about it, and the Coons were still down 3-2 after six with Rendon done after 102 pitches, most of them sub-standard. Wise held the Falcons in reach in the seventh, and Stalker and Wallace hit singles to begin the eighth against Feltman. Fernandez grounded into a fielder’s choice, which wasn’t helping, and gave Zitzner runners on the corners. The invitation was not refused. Grounder to short, to second, to first, double play. **** you, Travis. **** … you… Huichapa homered off Garavito in the bottom 8th, three pinch-hitters couldn’t scratch southpaw Danny Burgess in the ninth, and the Coons lost the series. 4-2 Falcons. Sibley (PH) 1-1;

Well, whaddayagonna…….

Raccoons (74-59) @ Loggers (60-73) – August 31-September 3, 2034

…and only now we’d come up against our new nemesis, the Loggers, who held a 6-5 lead in the season series. They were also reaching for third place in the division, albeit 14 games behind us as the Indians had died and were being overtaken. They were ninth in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed, and they were in the top 3 in stolen bases and bottom 3 in homers. We can make them bolster the one and recover the other stat!

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (12-4, 2.51 ERA) vs. Alfredo Casique (14-9, 4.33 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-7, 3.72 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (4-4, 3.42 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (10-8, 3.85 ERA) vs. Cody Chamberlin (3-3, 3.27 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (12-7, 4.32 ERA) vs. Paul Metzler (9-12, 4.00 ERA)

The only left-hander here was Stockwell. The Loggers were down two regulars from the lineup in Matt Lockert and Danny Valenzuela. The latter had gone down with a hammy this week, taking away the best bat by average (.305) for Milwaukee. The Coons still carried Wall’s corpse and thus still had a short bench to open the series.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Chavez
MIL: CF Prestwood – 2B McWhirter – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – SS Garnier – 1B O. Huerta – RF D.J. Mendez – C Canas – P Casique

Portland plated two in the opening inning, with Ramos and Zeltser getting on, Wallace landing an RBI single, and Fernandez chipping in a sac fly for a quick start. And then they held a nap. The Loggers meanwhile was largely cancelled by Bernie for three innings before he had three singles get away for one run in the bottom 4th, Bill McWhirter being driven in by Omar Huerta. Josh Conner hit a double in the sixth, moved up on Steve Wilson’s groundout, but then was kept pinned when Maxime Garnier hit a comebacker to Bernie, who then got Omar Huerta to fly out to center, maintaining his slim 2-1 margin. Bernie even hit a single himself in the top 7th, but to no avail… Berto grounded out to end the inning. Bernie dragged himself through seven innings before he couldn’t go no further. Prieto and Hennessy combined for a clean eighth before Alex Banderas ran into some trouble for Milwaukee, with Scheffer and Sibley riding a pair of 2-out singles to emerge on the corners. What’s that? NAP TIME OVER?? Some two hours later, they were suddenly stretching their numb paws again. Ramos stretched them for two bases and as many RBI on a double into the corner. The save chance went away on Zeltser’s RBI double and Stalker’s RBI single, the latter off right-hander Tommy Iezzi. Wallace popped out after five straight 2-out base knocks, and the save chance nearly went back on when Nick Bates put the first two Loggers on base in the bottom 9th. Garnier and Huerta were not helped by D.J. Mendez’ double play grounder, though, and Rodrigo Canas’ RBI single was as much as they got out of Bates or anybody else. 6-2 Coons. Ramos 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Zeltser 3-5, 2B, RBI; Stalker 2-5, RBI; Sibley (PH) 1-1; Chavez 7.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER; 2 BB, 5 K, W (13-4) and 1-3;

That ended a grim 15-13 August, and brought about roster expansion … while Dr. Chung couldn’t find anything with Kurt Wall that he wouldn’t classify under “being a sissy”, and Wall insisted he couldn’t put on his pants, and Maud called the league office and they said in no uncertain terms that, no, Kurt Wall could not take the field without pants … so we were sort of stuck there. Wall remained on the roster, but unavailable, yet we also didn’t call up another catcher at this point, although I liked a third catcher come September.

Instead we promoted this bushel of players: Chiyosaku Maruyama returned, as did Rich Vickers. 26-year-old RF Bobby Houston would make his major league debut, although I didn’t quite know why…

The pitching side was lengthened as well, with the promotion of two relievers, Victor Anaya and Carlos de la Cruz, as well as a starter… Darren Brown. The latter would take various starts that would normally go to either Rendon or Okrasinski in September, starting with Okrasinski’s turn on Sunday.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – C Scheffer – CF Jennings – 3B Marsingill – P Sabre
MIL: CF Will Ojeda – 2B McWhirter – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – C Canas – SS O. Freeman – RF Prestwood – P Stockwell

Portland did nothing against Stockwell while Sabre was starting so-so, then slipped into another beating by the third inning. Tyler Prestwood opened with a double to left, was bunted over by the pitcher, and then Will Ojeda hit an RBI single to left, as did Bill McWhirter. Wallace overran the latter ball for a grim error that allowed Ojeda to score, and the Loggers tried to get McWhirter in on Jeremy Leftwich’s single, but Salgado threw out the runner at home plate, short-circuiting an inning just about to get really ugly. Conner lined out to Justin Marsingill to end the dismal bottom 3rd. Salgado hit a leadoff double in the fourth and never made it to third base as Stockwell walked one and whiffed three of the next four batters. He wasn’t the last Critter to find an extra-base hit; Stalker hit a double in the sixth and was stranded. Scheffer hit a leadoff double in the seventh, and then it went pop, grounder, grounder, back to the dugout from second base for Scheffer… it was still a 2-0 game in the ninth with Banderas back on the mound. Manny Fernandez hit for Zitzner and hit a leadoff single. Scheffer popped out, but Jennings singled. Zeltser batted for Marsingill with the tying runs aboard, but flew out to right. Last straws would be Sibley, batting for David Fernandez… and he flew out to Prestwood. 2-0 Loggers. Salgado 2-4, 2B; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1; Marsingill 2-3;

Dr. Chung? What is with Kurt Wall? – Dr. Chung, this is taking too long! – What do you mean, whether I want to make contact with the security apparatus?

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – RF Houston – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P del Rio
MIL: CF Will Ojeda – 2B McWhirter – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – SS Garnier – C Canas – RF R. Rodriguez – P Chamberlin

Cody Chamberlin got waffled in the first inning; Berto walked, stole second, and scored on Zeltser’s single. Stalker flew out, Wallace had a double, Manny landed an RBI single, and in his major league debut Bobby Houston hit a sac fly to get to 3-0. Maruyama’s RBI double made it 4-0 before Thompson ended the inning with a weak grounder. Now enter del Rio… Ojeda double, Leftwich RBI single, Conner single, wild pitch, and a run-scoring groundout hit by Steve Wilson, and that was half the lead gone in an instant. He faced six batters for 15 pitches, all of them ****, in the bottom 1st.

Now, in good news, Chamberlin had another inning from hell in the fourth and was removed first. Thompson reached base, somehow, was forced out on a ****ty bunt by del Rio, but at least the awful tosser reached third base on a Ramos single AND drew a hopeless throw from Ramon Rodriguez in the latter’s first game of the season (after a cup of coffee in ’33), and Bob Zeltser doubled both of them in. Stalker got Zeltser around, 7-2. And del Rio? Immediately cocked up four singles and two runs in the bottom 5th, Rodriguez, Ojeda, McWHirter, and Leftwich all hitting a tick of him before Josh Conner hit into a 6-4-3 double play to get the **** outta there.

By the seventh, the Loggers’ pen imploded wholly and fully. Adam Brochu loaded the bases with nobody out before balking the first run in and conceded another one on Houston’s second sac fly. Maruyama got an RBI knock, and even del Rio landed another hit, an RBI double. Ramos hit an RBI single, and Zeltser also dropped in a ball for a single. Bobby Valencia, the third pitcher of the miserable inning, plated Berto with a wild pitch and walked Stalker before Wallace grounded out, ending a 6-run inning that would surely result in a W for the Critters… Then the bottom 7th… del Rio got two outs, put two on, and the Coons went to Fernandez, who walked a pair before Steve Wilson fanned to strand a full set in a 13-5 game. Top 8th, Luis Villoch walked the first two batters, then gave up an RBI single to Thompson. Vickers flew out and Berto lined out to Leftwich to end the inning, and after that many regulars came out of the game. No further runs were scored; Carlos de la Cruz pitched two scoreless to close out the game. 14-5 Critters! Ramos 2-5, BB, RBI; Zeltser 3-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Wallace 2-6, 2 2B; M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB, RBI; Salgado 1-1; Houston 2-4, 2 RBI; Maruyama 2-4, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Thompson 2-5, RBI; de la Cruz 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

Everybody in the lineup had at least one base hit, and everybody except for Tim Stalker had two. But Stalker walked twice, so he gets a pass.

Kurt Wall was diagnosed with back soreness after all. He would miss another few days, maybe up to the next weekend. We might have called up Tony Morales for a cup of coffee now … nah, that would have been crazy, especially since he does not have to be put on the 40-man roster this year. Tinnin would have gotten the call. But Morales left the Saturday game of the Alley Cats with an injury, so now we were down to just two healthy catchers per level in the organization and could not bring up another guy anyway.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – RF Jennings – 1B Zitzner – 2B Sibley – C Thompson – P Brown
MIL: CF Will Ojeda – C Canas – 1B Leftwich – LF S. Wilson – SS Garnier – 2B O. Freeman – 3B Meehan – RF R. Rodriguez – P Metzler

Darren Brown (0-0, 5.40 ERA) made his fifth ABL start in three seasons and would try to get that career ERA (6.84) down. In the bottom 1st he sandwiched Canas’ deep flyout between two K’s, so maybe it would all be alright! The Loggers didn’t murder him in the second inning, either, and he drew a walk off Metzler in the third. Ramos dropped a bloop single, and after Zeltser popped out, Manny Fernandez launched a drive to right and over the fence for a 3-run homer! The bleed, however, started immediately after. Rodriguez doubled, Metzler got his revenge with an RBI single, and Brown walked Ojeda before two nifty plays by the otherwise completely useless Ross Sibley kept the Loggers from doing further damage. Metzler *did* incur such damage, conceding straight singles to begin the fourth inning, and four such singles in total. Brown came up with one across and three aboard, hit a ball to Omar Freeman for a double play, but at least that scored Zitzner from third, putting Portland up 5-1. Ramos grounded out.

After a calm fifth, the bottom 6th unraveled thanks to Bob Zeltser dropping a Leftwich pop with one out. Steve Wilson singled, and the runners advanced on Maxime Garnier’s groundout. Omar Freeman got a ball over the second base bag for a 2-run single, cutting the lead back to two runs, and even though they were unearned on Brown, I was also sour on him. He did bat in the seventh, though, poking a 1-out single against Metzler. Berto doubled, and Metzler balked home his opponent with Zeltser at the plate. He then brought Ramos across with a wild pitch. Now *that* was a meltdown…! After completing a broken-hearted walk to Zeltser, Metzler was lifted for right-hander Rafael Zacarias, who found a way out of the inning. The seventh was also the last inning for Brown, but he retired the Loggers in order, whiffing two! Bates and Hennessy split the eighth, Zelts homered off Tommy Iezzi in the ninth, and then Victor Anaya got a chance to do good in the bottom 9th after being banished for the entire summer. He drilled Jamie Meehan with two outs, but that was the only Logger to reach base. 8-3 Furballs! Ramos 2-4, BB, 2B; Zeltser 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Wallace 2-5; Brown 7.0 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (1-0) and 1-2, BB;

In other news

August 28 – WAS SP/MR Joe West (4-1, 2.15 ERA) 3-hits the Wolves in an 8-0 shutout.
August 28 – DEN 1B Kumanosuke Henderson (.251, 17 HR, 84 RBI) might miss the rest of the season with a sprained ankle.
August 29 – For the second day in a row, a Cap shuts out the Wolves, with WAS SP Lorenzo Viamontes (10-9, 2.91 ERA) spinning a 2-hit shutout in another 8-0 slapping.
August 29 – In bad news for Washington, a sore elbow axes WAS SP Colt Willes (10-7, 2.77 ERA) from the remainder of the schedule.
August 31 – ATL OF/1B/2B Luis Inoa (.293, 5 HR, 49 RBI) finishes August with a 20-game hitting streak following two singles hit in a 10-7 loss to the Condors.
August 31 – In the Warriors’ 18-5 rout of the Scorpions, Mario Colon, Kevin Harenberg, and Dean Hill each drive in four runs. Harenberg (.294, 7 HR, 45 RBI) also leads the team – tied with Pedro Cisneros – with four base hits.
September 2 – SAC CF Mark Vermillion (.334, 12 HR, 64 RBI) is out for the season with shoulder tendinitis.
September 3 – The hitting streak of Atlanta’s Luis Inoa (.290, 6 HR, 50 RBI) ends at 22 games after he has to leave the field empty-handed in a 3-1 loss to the Condors.

Complaints and stuff

I thought the Raccoons could go 9-0 against a CL South team maybe once in my lifetime. ONCE. That isn’t too much asked, I think. But no such luck. Everybody turned up to play poop ball on Monday. At least they returned to beating the Loggers like a drum except for that one stupid game. That’s good, because we have the damn Elks in next week…

We are given a mere 4% chance to catch the Titans by BNN, to which my response was a disbelieving “that much?” …

Following his first major league win in a thoroughly solid performance on Sunday, Darren Brown is now a 1-4, 5.63 ERA pitcher. Not great. Room for improvement. But he’s now pitched his usual 10+ innings and has not yet walked 13 batters, so that’s a success, too!

Former fifth-round pick Barry Schuster was released this week. He had been demoted back to Aumsville, where he had hit under .150 afterwards, and we couldn’t drag along a 23-year-old middle infielder not doing **** on a team with 19-year-old middle infielders.

Fun Fact: Three Raccoons rank in the top 10 in triples in the Continental League.

That would be Berto with eight, tying for fifth place, and Manny and Tim Stalker, both tying for seventh with seven triples. Far and away is Willie Ojeda of the Condors with *15* triples. He is only one triple away from tying the 2031 Raccoons’ output as a whole…!

Berto led that team with five triples. Stalker and Matt Jamieson had two. Five other position players (Vanatti, Rodriguez, Hereford, Wallace, 2005 Ugliest Baby Boy Sam Cass) each had one… and two pitchers chipped in a triple, too, in Mark Roberts and Bernie Chavez.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (77-60) vs. Canadiens (48-88) – September 5-7, 2034

After an off day on Monday, all the things I didn’t need in town came to town. That was the dumb Elks in complete disarray on one hand, and Nick Valdes on the other. The Elks had lost 15+ games every month this year, with a personal best month of 12-16 in June, so they were sucking and sucking consistently at that. Their offense was in the bottom three in runs scored, and the very worst in slugging; the only thing they could do was stealing bases. They were tied for first in that category (Coons: 4th). They also had the worst team ERA and second-most runs allowed. They had a good defense, but not a defense that could undo the atrocious pitching they were burdened with. And yet, it was merely a 7-5 lead for the Critters in the season series…

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (8-6, 4.54 ERA) vs. Sean LaRue (3-2, 2.35 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (13-4, 2.46 ERA) vs. Raymond Pearce (0-1, 5.67 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-8, 3.69 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (3-17, 5.25 ERA)

There was a possibility for switcheroos here due to the common off day on Monday. LaRue was the only southpaw we were expecting. LaRue had been taken out of high school in ’31 and was barely 21, so that was the sort of pitcher they were feeding into the fire in Elktown now…

Yes, Nick, I also sure hope for a sweep. – Yes, our team is the one in the brown shirts.

Game 1
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – 2B Morrow – CF Creech – RF Pohl – SS B. Gonzales – P LaRue
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – P Rendon

At least we got a good start to this one; Rendon got through the first inning without being turned inside out, and then Bob Zeltser’s homer and base hits by Salgado and Zitzner brought in a total of two runs in the bottom 1st… and Bob Zeltser now tied for second in homers on the team, but let’s not be sour about that right now… we can still be sour about that once Rendon inevitably has blown the lead. That didn’t happen – the dumb Elks only ever got one run off Rendon in the game, but then again he was also inefficient and lasted only six innings with many long counts, though also with nine strikeouts. The run only came in his final inning when he walked D.J. Robinson and conceded the run immediately on a double by the pest Dusty Mezzanotte, who was a .259 hitter with 8 homers that was doing most of his damage against the Raccoons. Rendon also singled home Tim Stalker with two outs in the bottom 4th, the only other run that had gotten on the board since the bottom 1st. Prieto pitched a quick seventh, but allowed a leadoff single to Bobby Gonzales in the eighth. Garavito came on to face PH Paz Rivera and whoever else the damn Elks wouldn’t bat for at the top of the lineup, but Rivera reached on an infield single. Robinson bunted the tying runs over, but Garavito rung up Mezzanotte, the despicable little pest. Will Korecky then batted for Jesse LeJeune, who was a well-known coonskinner, so I was mildly surprised. Nick Bates was sent to see Korecky, ran a full count, then put one perfectly on the corner that Korecky was still admiring when the ump had long punched him out. That closed the book on the top 8th and moved the game to the Coons, who continued to do nothing in their hopefully final inning. Ed Blair retired Toby Ross and Eric Morrow, then had Gabe Creech at two strikes before striking him in his ugly Elk bum. PH Tomas Caraballo singled, and suddenly they were on the corners. Another lefty pinch-hitter, Vince Cuomo, emerged, poked at the first pitch, right at Zitzner, and that ended the game, finally… 3-1 Coons. Zitzner 2-4, RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 K, W (9-6) and 1-2, RBI;

I know, Nick, they scored only three runs again. – But they won. – I don’t care whether you didn’t get to see fireworks! THEY WON!!

Wednesday would see Nora on regular rest and hopefully on the way to get stuck his 18th loss of the season. One of his wins there came in April against the Coons… He’s 1-1 in two starts against us this year.

Game 2
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – CF Creech – SS B. Gonzales – P Nora
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Houston – 2B Sibley – C Thompson – P Chavez

Robinson started the game with a single to right and was caught stealing by THOMPSON, so there was a knock to everybody who doubted that angels and miracles existed… Portland then got another quick start, but at the cost of Bob Zeltser’s share in second place in the homer race. He did reach base, however, and scored on Wallace’s shot to right-center, his 12th of the season. Zelts made a bid for his 12th his next time up, but the ball hit the top of the fence in leftfield for a double in the bottom 3rd. It also allowed Berto to score from first base, 3-0. Fernandez singled, but was caught stealing, and Wallace grounded out to Mezzanotte, but with two outs Travis Zitzner hit a double to right that finally got Zeltser in, 4-0. Bobby Houston then grounded out to end the third inning.

Bernie retired ten in a row after the Robinson single before LeJeune and Ross connected for 2-out hits in the fourth to score a run, but the Coons got that one back, unearned for not one, but two Elks errors, in the bottom of the inning. Thompson singled to left and gained second base when LeJeune overran the ball, Bernie reached on an error by Robinson entirely, and Berto hit a sac fly to left for that run. Top 5th, leadoff triple for Eric Morrow, and then Gabe Creech homered to left, 5-3. That was surely of concern, because Bernie had now given up a cycle’s worth of hits in five batters. It also didn’t bode well for his ERA title ambitions – he had been second in the CL behind Charlotte’s Matt Moon (who?). After coming unglued in the middle innings, Bernie was lifted for a pinch-hitter in the bottom 6th with Sibley (walk) and Thompson (single) aboard and one out, but he was on 100 pitches anyway, so there was nothing gained from letting him bunt. Billy Jennings hit into a fielder’s choice and Berto struck out, so ultimately there was nothing gained from NOT letting him bunt, either…

Despite Nick Valdes’ sharp protests that only the home team should be allowed to score runs, the damn Elks kept scrambling and tried to hoof our pitchers. Vic Anaya allowed a single to Creech, and Hennessy allowed a single to Paz Rivera in the seventh… but Manny Fernandez threw out Creech trying to go first-to-third on the latter base hit, ending the inning. The Coons in turn left Manny and Bad Luck Travis on base in the bottom of the seventh, but ex-Coon Matt Stonecipher walked Sibley in the bottom 8th. He advanced on Thompson’s groundout, then scored on a 2-out single by Berto, who was then caught stealing by Ross. Chris Wise got the ninth because we cockily assumed we’d need Ed Blair again the next day. He was not the focus in the ninth, though, because that was Maruyama; the Japanese first baseman had struck out before the Ramos single in the bottom 8th and had remained in the game for his better D, so he promptly dropped a Sibley feed to put Will Korecky on base with one out in the ninth. But Maruyama made it up to us before Chris Wise could get his 10th loss of the season: he lunged and shagged Eric Morrow’s liner, caught Korecky off base, and threw himself into his path to register the final out of the game in a violent collision. 6-3 Furballs! Zelster 2-4, 2 2B, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Thompson 3-4;

Nick Valdes nodded enthusiastically after the last game and said something that maybe he wouldn’t sell the team to Mr. Less-Ruth after all. My whiskers twitched, but then I calmed myself down. There were countless Mr. Less-Ruths in the world. It didn’t necessarily *have* to be Butch R. Less-Ruth, the feared owner of the local packing plant, within a mile’s radius of which you could hear the death screams of tortured kittens.

Certainly a coincidence, nothing else.

Almost certainly.

(gulp)

Game 3
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – CF Creech – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – 1B Caraballo – SS B. Gonzales – P D. Soto
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P Sabre

We drew right-hander Danny Soto (1-4, 6.63 ERA) on Sunday, a 10th-year veteran that had pitched to a winning record once in his career, but then again had also spent half of it on the Loggers in the late 20s. He was spotted a 1-0 lead in the top 1st, courtesy of Robinson’s leadoff triple and Creech’s sac fly. Creech also singled home Soto in the top 3rd, in which the pitcher hit a leadoff double a half-inning after successfully handling three consecutive comebackers… LeJeune doubled over Wallace’s head (big deal…) and Ross hit another sac fly to deepen the hole to 3-0. I saw Valdes looking for Less-Ruth’s number in his phone, so we needed offense fast… Thompson drew a leadoff walk and scored on a Zeltser single in the bottom 3rd to get something, anything on the board, but Sabre also allowed another triple to Gonzales in the fourth as his season kept slowly blowing up… The Coons had no patience with Soto who would walk everything with legs (31 BB in 38 IP before the game!), and sometimes would even walk guys without… - hey, Cristiano! – We’ll try to get Soto to talk to you after the game!

The Coons got an undeserved chance in the bottom 5th when Caraballo fumbled Thompson’s grounder to put him on base, then tried to throw him out on Sabre’s bunt, and that didn’t work either. The Coons got two free runners with one out, but couldn’t get any of Ramos or Zeltser to land a base knock afterwards, stranding the free runners. Fernandez opened the sixth with a single – only the Coons’ second base hit in the game… – but was forced out by Wallace, and while Billy Jennings walked with two outs, Maruyama fanned to throw another chance away. Instead Sabre gave up another run on a Creech double and Ross single in the seventh before being yanked…

Down 4-1, the team looked deader than just merely dead during the seventh inning stretch and I tried to get Slappy or Cristiano to sneak away Valdes’ phone so he couldn’t make an unwise phone call. Soto then walked Thompson to begin the bottom 7th. Sibley hit for Nick Bates and singled, and Ramos hit a liner over the head of Robinson that made it reasonably far down the line for an RBI double, 4-2, nobody out, tying runs in scoring position. Soto lost Zeltser on balls, loading the bases, and the damn Elks were taken by surprise by the sudden turn of events and had yet to get a reliever up (not that they were promising actual relief…). Fernandez grounded out to Caraballo to score a run, and Wallace also grounded out to first, but with Caraballo hustling in and Berto scurrying back to third base – he was the tying run, and now it was two outs. Stalker lifted an 0-1 pitch to shallow right, with Korecky sprinting for it, sliding – and he missed it, narrowly, the ball bouncing into his chin instead. Two runs scored on the score-flipping single! A passed ball advanced the runner before between Soto and Stonecipher the damn Elks walked the bags full.. .and then Stonecipher walked Thompson with the bags full already, pushing home the fifth run of the inning. Sibley got to bat again, got ahead 3-1, then was nailed, which was fine by me at this point. Berto then flew out, ending the 6-run rally with the team now ahead 7-4. De la Cruz and David Fernandez split the eighth, and Ed Blair retired the opposition in order in the ninth to complete the sweep then. 7-4 Critters! Thompson 0-1, 3 BB, RBI; Sibley (PH) 1-1, RBI;

We were grossly out-hit in this game, 11-5, but then again Nick Valdes shook my paw enthusiastically and thanked me for getting to see such good baseball where the home team won, so I swallowed my pride, put up my best fake smile, and made sure he got in the car to the heliport.

The Titans won two of three against the Loggers in the meantime, narrowing the gap to 4 1/2 games.

Raccoons (80-60) @ Crusaders (60-80) – September 8-10, 2034

Here was another matchup that so far hadn’t worked out at all for the Raccoons, who were up only 8-7 in the season series. These were their last games with the seventh-placed offense and pitching in the league. True, true, the overall package was probably not that of a .429 team. The Crusaders had only a -40 run differential (Coons: +84), and they were a whopping six games under their expected record (Coons: +1).

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (11-8, 3.96 ERA) vs. Rodolfo Cervantes (11-4, 2.72 ERA)
Darren Brown (1-0, 2.61 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (8-15, 5.57 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (12-7, 4.32 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (7-11, 4.38 ERA)

Only righty starters in this series!

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – P del Rio
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schuler – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – 1B Monge – C F. Garcia – 3B S. Williams – CF Malo – P Cervantes

Del Rio’s ERA hit four in the bottom of the third inning after a walk to Caleb Malo, Jose Balado’s triple, and Randy Schuler’s sac fly got home two runs for the Crusaders. They were the first runs in the game, with the Critters having scattered three hits as inefficiently as possible against Cervantes so far. The Balado triple was the only base hit del Rio allowed in the first five innings, while the Critters scratched and clawed and barely scored a run in the fifth after Jennings’ 1-out triple and an aggressive move to home plate on del Rio’s groundout after that. Jennings was safe and the Coons were on the board, then tied the game on Bob Zeltser’s leadoff jack in the sixth! Out of the blue, del Rio was then singled to death in the bottom 6th. Balado singled, Schuler singled, Mario Hurtado hit into a fielder’s choice, and both Barend Kok and Danny Monge hit RBI singles, and all of that to the right side. Del Rio was yanked for Wise, who rung up Fernando Garcia and Stephen Williams to stop the bleed, but once again we were down by two.

While the Coons tried to piece scoreless innings together with their pen, their offense remained meh until Tim Stalker’s fluke triple with two outs in the eighth. Jimmy Wallace singled him in, knocking out Cervantes. Jorge Farinas got a groundout from Fernandez, though, but Bates grinded his way through Monge, Garcia, and PH Johnny Lopez after Hennessy had served up a leadoff double to Kok in the bottom 8th. We entered the ninth trailing by one run, facing Mike Hugh (the rule 5 pick we returned…) and with the 6-7-8 batters up. Salgado batted for Kurt Wall – and that’s outta here! Homer to right, the game is tied!! Maybe score another one? Nope, Zitzner flew out, Jennings grounded out, and Vickers struck out. Ronnie Veraart hit a leadoff double to right against David Fernandez in the bottom 9th, but DF dug in and retired Ryan Hurley, Balado, and Josh Brown in order, stranding the runner on third base, and giving us extra innings.

Top 10th, Berto popped out, but Hugh allowed a single to Zeltser, who stole second in a hit-and-run in which Stalker flailed and missed. Wallace singled home Zelts with two outs, putting Portland ahead for the first time in the game…! Fernandez grounded out, and while the Coons did their usual defensive improvement in leftfield in close games, even Billy Jennings (moved from rightfield where Bobby Houston entered the game) couldn’t get Kok’s 1-out floater that dropped for a single. Ed Blair fanned Monge, then faced Jose Pulido, who scratched out a walk. Prehistoric third baseman Ryan Czachor was up, ra na full count, then hit a soft fly to shallow right. Stalker went out, Houston went in, and somehow Stalker made the catch without having his legs taken out by the sliding rookie. That’s the ballgame! 5-4 Raccoons! Zeltser 3-5, HR, RBI; Stalker 2-5, 3B; Wallace 3-5, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI; Jennings 2-4, 2B;

That’s a 6-game winning streak, believe it or not, and it has been built more on regular offensive input rather than sturdy pitching. That’s what seven runs per game does for you.

Keep it up, boys!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – P D. Brown
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schuler – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Monge – 3B Czachor – C F. Garcia – RF Saito – CF Malo – P Hicks

They… didn’t. Berto singled and stole his 46th base in the opening frame, but was ignored by those behind him. Then Darren Brown retired Balado and Schuler … and then walked the bases full. There was it again, The Suck. Always walking bases full. Even as Fernando Garcia gently flew out to centerfield, making the effort moot, I now had assurance that he’d never amount to anything. While the Crusaders got neither a hit nor a run in the early innings, Brown walked another pair in the bottom 3rd as if to make a point. Come the fourth, Bob Zeltser’s throwing error put Garcia on base, and Brown walked Hirofumi Saito and Caleb Malo to completely tether my nerves. That was seven free passes against nine outs. The Crusaders (finally?) scored on Joe Hicks’ 6-4-3 double play grounder, and Brown rung up Balado, but there was no way he could pitch himself back into my heart. Sometimes 36 innings were not enough to judge a player, but if he walked 25 batters in 36 innings, they were. Brown was a turd, and would always be a turd.

Despite having a no-hitter of sorts, Brown was yanked after 1-out walk to Hurtado in the bottom 5th. Prieto replaced him, gave up a double to Monge, but Monge was unaware and made for it when Ryan Czachor lined out to Berto afterwards. Berto casually strolled over to second base and tapped it, with Monge looking at Hurtado at third base, to end the inning. When Berto then walked leading off the sixth that gave him three of four on-base appearances for the Critters. It was one of those games… Zeltser popped out, Stalker hit into a double play. The game was decided in the bottom 7th. De la Cruz walked two, somehow thinking I wouldn’t give both Brown AND him concrete boots and throw them off the nearest bridge, and Garavito served up a pinch-hit 3-run homer to Barend Kok. Only after that did Zitzner hit a homer he could just as well have kept for himself in the eighth, and the team scrambled together another run on two base hits, but in turn Anaya allowed three hits and one run on Johnny Lopez’ pinch-hit single in the bottom 8th… Jorge Farinas retired the Raccoons in order in the ninth… 5-2 Crusaders. Ramos 2-3, BB; Thompson 1-1; Prieto 1.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

The Titans lost to Indy, keeping the gap at 4 1/2.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Jennings – RF Houston – C Thompson – 1B Maruyama – P Okrasinski
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schuler – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – 1B Monge – 3B Czachor – C Hurley – CF Malo – P Holliday

Berto opened with an out, but then Holliday got caught between two train carriages for a bit. Zelts singled, Stalker doubled, and Wallace walked to fill the bases. Jennings hit a ball to left near the line for a 2-run single, but then Houston flew out to Balado and Thompson was robbed in center by Malo to end the inning. Bottom 1st, Balado walked on four pitches, but was caught stealing by Thompson (!) and Okrasinski got out of the inning. Maruyama popped out to begin the top 2nd, but that was it for Holliday, who left the game with some sort of discomfort. 27-year-old Dominican righty Carlos Olmeda would make his major league debut in this situation. He walked Ramos, nailed Zeltser, and then got Balado to track down a Stalker fly to get him the **** outta there. Okrasinski also needed major help, allowing a single to Monge and walking Hurley and PH Johnny Lopez in the #9 hole in the next half-inning. Zeltser made a great play to strand three on Balado’s sharp grounder.

In a mess of a game, the Coons next got to see Canadian righty Paul Ditmars in his fifth major league assignment. He walked two in the top 3rd, but Maruyama stranded them with a soft line at Czachor. He’d then pop out to leave Houston and Thompson on the corners in the fifth, and in between Ramos had hit a double in the fourth and had been stranded again. Okrasinski somehow made it through five without getting some serious harm done to himself despite throwing over 90 mostly terrible pitches. He kept shutting the Crusaders out through the sixth, even though that required not one, but two diving catches my infielders, and was mercifully lifted after that, 104 innings of begging to be euthanized…

The drifting Raccoons got a third run in the top 8th, although it was … well, Houston hit a leadoff single off Keith Black, moved up on two groundouts, and after Sibley was nailed to put Critters on the corners, the first pitch to Berto went through Hurley’s wickets, allowing Houston to score on the passed ball. Berto walked, but Zeltser grounded out poorly to end the inning. Wise walked Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, pinch-hitting in the bottom 8th, but the Crusaders didn’t score; Hurtado popped out and Hennessy rung up Kok to end the inning. A sleepy looking Bill Herrmann kept the Coons at bay in the ninth, and when the bottom of the inning rolled around, Hennessy was still on it despite no lefty hitters to be seen anywhere. The Raccoons tried to stay off Ed Blair, who had already pitched a lot this week, and tried to get this done before Hennessy could spill three runs. He rung up Monge. Czachor ground out to third. Hurley grounded out to short. 3-0 Raccoons. Zitzner (PH) 1-1; Houston 2-5;

Holliday had a mild abdominal strain – he’ll live.

In other news

September 7 – NAS LF/RF Doug Stross (.312, 5 HR, 61 RBI) is out for the season with a strained hammy.
September 10 – WAS SP Michael Frank (14-10, 3.23 ERA) shuts out the Miners on three hits in a 7-0 Capitals win.

Complaints and stuff

Darren Brown is dead to me.

What else? Well, even when we gained some momentum we gained only two games on Boston, but we also play them again and haven’t won a series against them since roughly the Battle of Fallen Timbers, so it is divined that they will win the division forever from here on out. Maybe we can move to the Woodchuck League with teams from Oregon, Washington and Idaho… although I hear the Rexburg Mormons are pretty tough, too…

Second career save for John Hennessy on Sunday in what was his 200th ABL appearance. The fourth-year player has a 2.94 career ERA with 2.6 walks and 8.6 whiffs per nine innings. Not bad for a rule 5 pick we actually kept. For comparison, Mike Hugh, the rule 5 pick we didn’t keep, is also a fourth-year player on the Crusaders (although he made only three appearances in ’31), and has a 3.18 ERA, 3.5 walks per nine and 6.5 strikeouts per nine. Since Hugh is the designated closer for New York, he has piled up 53 saves, but I wouldn’t hold that against Hennessy.

Zitzner’s homer on Saturday tied us for our worst-ever mark in homers mashed, so at least we’re not gonna crawl under that pitiful 74 bombs from ’06.

The Tony Morales chapter is officially done for the year – the 21-year-old catcher of the future is out with an intercostal strain that will cost him the remainder of the season.

Has there ever been a more devastating epithet to a Raccoons prospect than “catcher of the future”? Let’s ask Elliott Thompson.

Fun Fact: Ten years ago today, the damn Elks’ John Calfee hit three home runs in their 5-4 win over the Raccoons.

That was the year where everybody did it, including another hoofed monster Alex Torres and the Condors’ Pat Sanford. The homers to these three players in these three games were surrendered by Mark Roberts (3), Jesus Chavez (2), Jimmy Lee (2), David Kipple (1), and Kevin Surginer (1).

Oh it’s okay… Mark Roberts might still make the Hall of Fame…