Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Bub13

This won't end well.

...and when Travis Zitzner smacked a liner straight into Adam Avakian's kisser, the ball rolled away into foul ground behind the first base bag, Alberto Ramos scampered home from third base, and the Raccoons celebrated a 4-game sweep of the Capitals in walkoff fashion ...!

...and I won't accept any nay-saying about this scenario!

[Bub13]

Originally Posted by Westheim

...and when Travis Zitzner smacked a liner straight into Adam Avakian's kisser, the ball rolled away into foul ground behind the first base bag, Alberto Ramos scampered home from third base, and the Raccoons celebrated a 4-game sweep of the Capitals in walkoff fashion ...!

...and I won't accept any nay-saying about this scenario!

I stand (okay, sit, it's been a long day) corrected.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (54-63) vs. Buffaloes (47-70) – August 14-16, 2035

The Raccoons returned home after two weeks on the road, find themselves having a day off before another last-place team, and the last interleague matchup of the year, came in, and I found Nick Valdes in my office on Monday. He was again sort of outraged that the Raccoons were in last place. I pointed him towards Cristiano Carmona, who was supposed to explain that we were only 5 1/2 games out and that all was gonna be totally fine now, while I pointed right, darted left, and hit in the nearest dumpster until nightfall. I was slightly dismayed to also find Travis Zitzner in that dumpster, and he spent hours just hissing at me, thinking I was trying to get into his banana peels, or because he hated my guts – who knew, he didn’t talk to me, and I didn’t ask, either…

Then it was Tuesday, and the Buffos came in a sad rematch of the 2028 World Series, where they hadn’t won a single thing, and if we could keep this going, maybe we’d be fine. The Buffaloes were in the bottom four in both runs scored and runs allowed in the Federal League. Their roster was crummy throughout, they were not in the top half in any single meaningful statistic either batting- or pitching-wise, and there was nothing to love about them, so we’d definitely get swept. No-no, Nick, it’s gonna be fine. We had lost both interleague series with them since the 2028 World Series, most recently in ’32.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (10-7, 2.97 ERA) vs. David Elliott (9-8, 3.83 ERA)
Colt Willes (10-10, 3.91 ERA) vs. Dylan Channel (4-12, 4.62 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-10, 5.01 ERA) vs. Josh Irwin (7-9, 4.60 ERA)

Elliott was their only southpaw.

Game 1
TOP: 3B Miles – 2B Meza – 1B J. Evans – LF Esperanza – CF Coca – C Alvardo – RF Reardon – SS Wilkes – P D. Elliott
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Marsingill – RF Salgado – P G. Rendon

We sure got off well, with Gilberto Rendon walking three and giving up a double to former CL North nightmare Tony Coca. That scored the second run with two outs; Ruben Esperanza had already hit a sac fly ahead of time. None of the first six Critters put the ball in play – two walked and four struck out – and we had nothing going early on until Berto dropped a leadoff single in front of Esperanza in the bottom of the third. Stalker walked, Wall singled, and the bags were full for Justin Fowler. Elliott’s control was no better than Rendon’s and he walked Fowler on four pitches, forcing in the Critters’ first run. The Coons tied the game on Manny Fernandez’ fielder’s choice to Alex Meza, then took the lead when Elliott threw a wild pitch to plate Kurt Wall. Both Zitzner and Marsingill then struck out to strand Manny at second.

Rendon was all gassed after five innings, fanning Esperanza with Mike Miles on third base as the tying run. He would not get the W for his bothers; the Buffaloes tied the game in the sixth inning. David Alvardo doubled off Dusty Kulp, and that runners was also on third base with two outs when Chris Wilkes grounded in front of home plate, Kurt Wall couldn’t get a grip, then kicked the ball towards shortstop. Alvardo scored, and Nick Valdes casually remarked that he had seen a classic movie the other night and had enjoyed it very much. One of those old time flicks. And it gave him ideas. I asked which movie it was. Turned out it was “Soylent Green”. I liked this thought process there.

The Buffos left the go-ahead run on third base in the seventh; Mike Miles opened with a single off Kulp, then advanced on a groundout, Mauricio Garavito’s wild pitch, but both Jake Evans and Esperanza struck out to leave him on. While the Raccoons did absolutely zero, the Buffaloes got Tony Coca on with a single off Chris Wise beginning the eighth. Wise struck out Alvardo, then was replaced with David Fernandez against PH Greg Regan, who hit into a fielder’s choice… and then scored on Wilkes’ gap triple with two outs. Adrian Castillejo grounded out, but now the Coons were behind, 4-3, and while Manny Fernandez’ leadoff single in the bottom 8th led absolutely nowhere, Mike Miles whacked a leadoff jack off David Fernandez in the ninth. Down 5-3, Tony Morales pinch-hit in the #9 hole to start things off against Chris Myers, a southpaw, in the bottom 9th. Myers fell to 3-0 when Morales poked, I screamed, Valdes screamed, even Cristiano screamed, heck, SLAPPY SCREAMED. He grounded over to Jake Evans, who for no particular reason completely blew the play and tossed the ball way over Myers’ head and into the Coons’ dugout. Morales got second base, and the Coons as a whole the tying run to the plate through no merit of their own. Berto popped out, Stalker grounded out, but Kurt Wall remained unretired on the day and grounded through the left side for an RBI single, and, well, fair enough, that brought our best chance to still win to the plate, all 17 homers worth of Justin Fowler, who struck out. 5-4 Buffaloes. Wall 4-4, BB, RBI;

I’m confused, though, Nick – are they then turned into raccoon food? Because everything is raccoon food. And I mean *everything*. (points at wooden table leg with gnaw marks)

Game 2
TOP: 3B Miles – 2B Meza – 1B J. Evans – LF Esperanza – CF Coca – C Alvardo – RF Reardon – SS Wilkes – P Channel
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – P Willes

This time Portland got the early 2-0 lead. Berto singled, advanced on a wild pitch, and scored on Manny’s double. Fernandez saw Wallace pop out and Fowler walk, Morales struck out, but he got to chug home on a 2-out RBI single to left by Travis Zitzner (!) before Vickers grounded out to Wilkes. It soon became apparent that two runs wouldn’t win this game; the Buffaloes had their first two batters aboard in the second, which did include a Ramos error that placed Tony Coca on base, but Wilkes hit into an inning-killing double play. Willes was less lucky in the fourth, conceding a run on Meza’s leadoff walk, a Jake Evans double, and Coca’s sac fly, but crucially whiffed Esperanza in between. Alvardo grounded out.

In the bottom of the inning, however, Rich Vickers parked a ball in the stands for a solo homer, and Bob Zeltser’s fly to center was caught by Coca, but the 35-year-old also caught a wrong move and had to be subbed off for Lloyd McBryde. The Raccoons lost their own centerfielder only one inning later – Justin Fowler doubled home Fernandez to extend the score to 4-1 with two outs, but also felt a tug in his nether regions again. Apparently the groin again, which had already put him on the DL earlier in the year. Preston Pinkerton took over and was stranded when Morales grounded out. And those two weren’t the only position players that left the game not under their own or the manager’s volition; Willes struck out Wilkes to begin the seventh inning and Wilkes just lost it and yelled at the ump, who sent him to bed. Edwin Rendon took over after the ejection. It was also the last out Willes logged, with the Buffos poking two singles off him before he was removed for Garavito against lefty batting Alex Meza, who struck out, and Evans flew out to left. But everything was reasonably alright until the ninth inning, when Ed Blair came on to maybe defend the 4-1 lead. Rendon singled. Adrian Castillejo singled. Mike Miles singled and a run scored. When Nick Valdes asked whether we’d win, I bluntly replied No. The Coons then took a Meza grounder for a force out at third base, which sure was *something*. Evans grounded to Vickers, could be two! …and Vickers threw it away! NOOOO!!! Three on, up two, one out, and zero hope. Four balls to Esperanza forced in a run, and then Blair was THE **** YANKED. David Fernandez came on, conceded the tying run on McBryde’s grounder, then whiffed Regan. Valdes asked whether we had won, and again I replied bluntly, No. – No, we won’t win. – No, never again. (throws pillow against wall-integrated TV for no effect at all) … which of course the dismal team took as chance to make me look like I had no clue. Zeltser was stranded on second base in the bottom 9th, but in the 10th Manny Fernandez hit a leadoff single off J.J. Ringland. Salgado and Pinkerton were no help, but Tony Morales doubled down the line to walk off the team… 5-4 Blighters. M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Fowler 1-2, 2B, RBI;

Justin – your stupid groin ticks me off! – Alright, Dr. Chung, I will yell in his face and not in his groin.

Fowler was day-to-day this time and would not be in the lineup at least on Thursday.

Jimmy Wallace was also in a bit of a grim slump. A solid 1-for-21 in his last six games… yaaay… I guess we will bat him behind Zitzner, who is a strong 3-for-27 …

Game 3
TOP: 3B Miles – 2B Meza – 1B J. Evans – LF Esperanza – CF McBryde – C Alvardo – RF Reardon – SS Wilkes – P Irwin
POR: SS Ramos – CF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – P Chavez

On one paw, Bernie Chavez seemed to have decent stuff and whiffed four early. On the other paw, the Buffaloes also hit five seeds off him, all line drives, and mere luck had them scatter their efforts to only get one run out of them in the first three innings. Through five, Chavez was on six hits, two walks, six strikeouts and near 90 pitches in a mess of a game, while the Raccoons’ offense had seen Bob Zeltser hit a single… twice.

Bernie got through six without more damage, but that also put him at 104 pitches and he was readily batted for leading off the bottom of the sixth. Marsingill flew out to right in his place, but Berto singled. Fernandez grounded out, moving the tying run to second, and Tony Morales ACTUALLY got him in with another go-ahead extra-base hit, this one a 2-out homer to right, the fifth of his young career. Nick Valdes jumped up and down, giddy for joy, but I didn’t because I saw a slight issue coming with patching three innings together with the knackered pen. We didn’t even manage one; Dusty Kulp came on, Irwin lined out HARD to Ramos, Miles singled, and Jake Evans doubled him home with two outs. Tied game, and we barely got Esperanza out on an infield grounder after that…

Portland took the 3-2 lead by accident in the bottom 7th. Tim Stalker opened with an infield single, then stole second while Bob Zeltser flailed – the result of the third base coach sneezing in the middle of the sign relay, and since the sneeze counted as wiping off the next two, Stalker took off rather than pulling down Evans’ pants to create havoc as we had originally called for. It led to a run anyway when Zeltser’s grounder moved him to third and Salgado flew out to center for a sac fly. Gowan and Wise split the eighth, and it was still 3-2 (though we were outhit, 9-5) in the ninth inning. With a right-handed batter, Wilkes, up front, we stuck with Wise for the moment, especially with Garavito and David Fernandez both having pitched in both of the first two games. No left-hander would materialize in the inning, and neither did any Buffalo set hoof on base – Stalker struck out Wilkes, Castillejo, and Miles in order. 3-2 Critters! Zeltser 2-3; Wise 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K, SV (2);

Nick Valdes congratulated me and implored me to keep up the good work. Regrettably he could not accompany the team in the next road series, having to inspect the documentation of test drilling operations in a Nicaraguan nature reserve.

Which was probably for the better, given where we were going…

Raccoons (56-64) @ Titans (63-58) – August 17-19, 2035

Still 6 1/2 behind, this was due or die for the now fourth-place Critters. They HAD to win that series. A sweep would be great, but a series win was a MUST. And we were so far up 6-5 on the Titans, which was funny, because we would have won the damn division last year with a performance like that, but, oh well… Boston was fourth in runs scored despite the worst batting average in the league, but they had the best on-base percentage, which was a tall ask when your team was only hitting .236 …! They were only middling in homers and steals, having 72 of each. The Raccoons of course had the second-best batting average and weren’t getting on base only the eighth-best in the CL… We even had more homers than them.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (5-1, 2.06 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (3-3, 3.53 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (6-6, 3.97 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (2-7, 4.95 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (10-7, 2.99 ERA) vs. Tim Wells (7-5, 3.18 ERA)

The latter Gonzalez would be the only right-hander in the mix. He had been relegated to the pen earlier, but the Titans had several pitching injuries (Jeff Dykstra, Tony Chavez) and had to bring him back or make a call to AAA. Moises Avila was also on the DL. And we needed to win against all of them anyway…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Marsingill – RF Salgado – P Livingston
BOS: SS Gil – 2B Spataro – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – RF Hayden – 3B T. Johnson – CF Walberg – P M. Gonzalez

By the third, the Raccoons were on their second second baseman after Tim Stalker got tossed asking the umpire whether he was kidding with his strike three call. Turned out he wasn’t. Rich Vickers took over. Neither team amounted to a lot in the first three innings, although the Raccoons loaded the bases with two out in the top 2nd… for Livingston, who gently grounded out to Todd Johnson. The bases were loaded again in the fourth, then on Fernandez, Zitzner, and Marsingill singles with one out, and Salgado coming up. Hugo Salgado was in as big a slump as Wallace and Zitzner, but got a 2-run double off on a 1-2 pitch, sending a liner over Jay Elder’s head. This matched his RBI total going back to July 27… Livingston flew out to center with Marsingill being sent – and thrown out at home by Clay Walberg, ending the inning. Livingston blew the lead immediately, nailing Keith Spataro to begin the bottom of the inning. Willie Vega grounded out, Elder walked, and so did Jim Young. While Matt Hayden struck out, Todd Johnson tied the game with a single up the middle. Walberg was nailed with an 0-2 pitch, but Gonzalez struck out, stranding three…

We were out-hitting them 8-1 in a tied game in the fifth after Vickers and Wall singles. Fowler singled to right, Vickers was sent, and barely beat the 27-year-old rookie Hayden’s throw to break the tie again. The other runners moved up, but Fernandez struck out and that brought up Zitzner, and well, what are you gonna – … Portland dragged Livingston through six muddled innings, then had the same pen problem again, but this time on the road. Gonzalez however nicked Ramos to begin the seventh, so maybe something could be cookin’. Vickers singled, which was now TEN hits for three runs, and then Kurt Wall flew into the right-center gap. Hayden hustled over, but the ball tailed away from him, dropped, and raced to the wall! Ramos scored, Vickers scored, chaos in the outfield, Kurt Wall to third base with a 2-run triple!! Lefty Jesse Erickson replaced Gonzalez after an intentional walk to Fowler. Manny hit an RBI single, and when Zitzner did his best to hit into a double play, Erickson fudged the comebacker into a bases-loading error. Next was Justin Marsingill, who got an 0-1 fastball in the bright red zone and the ball was GONE. 450 feet – GRAAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!

The game was over as a contest after that 7-spot. The Raccoons patched the last three innings together with Garavito, Kulp, and Prieto, and only the last one allowed a run in the ninth on a Mark Walker double out of the #9 hole. 10-3 Raccoons! Vickers 2-3; Wall 2-5, 3B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 3-5, 2B, RBI; Marsingill 4-5, HR, 2B, 4 RBI;

Well, wasn’t that a rush? How about it, boys? Two more of those?

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Sabre
BOS: SS Gil – 2B Spataro – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF Walberg – P R. Gonzalez

Berto opend the game with a triple… and was stranded. Two ghastly pops on the infield, then a Fowler fly to center. Not good enough, boys, not good enough! The same was true for Sabre, who walked Antonio Gil on four pitches to begin his day, got a double play grounder, but in the bottom of the second just put runners on base until they were full, then nailed Clay Walberg to force home a run for Boston. Gonzalez flew out to shallow right and Gil to deep left, keeping three aboard. Sabre’s next heroics included bunting into a force on Zeltser at second base in the third, which came close to costing the tying run either on Berto’s single or on Fernandez’ groundout until Tony Morales’ 2-out grounder narrowly eluded Spataro for a 2-run score-flipper. Fowler singled, but Wallace continued being dead from the ankles up and grounded out to Spataro, keeping it a 2-1 game.

Morales and Fowler were on base again in the fifth inning with the score still the same, although if Sabre was a dam, the reservoir behind him would already leaking out of several spots at his front… Wallace was then up with runners on the corners and one out, perfect double play spot, but he popped out instead. Zitzner fell to 0-2 with two outs, but neither whiffed, nor hit Tony Morales in the eye with a stupid liner, but hit a soft single to center to get the catcher home, 3-1! ZITZNER!! Yes, I know!! Tim Stalker was then robbed by Ivan Vega in deep right to end the inning. After Sabre had a calm fifth, Bob Zeltser led off with a double off Gonzalez in the sixth. Sabre hit, but grounded out to the left side. Ramos grounded out to the right side, but again Portland got some 2-out luck past Spataro working, with Fernandez squeezing a grounder inches past the usual tormentor of Critters for an RBI single. That was all for Robby Gonzalez, who was replaced by right-hander Austin Holt. Tony Morales then unloaded into the rightfield corner for an RBI double and his 30th RBI – not too bad for 159 at-bats. Fowler flew out to the fence in left to end the inning, now up 5-1.

Sabre retired nobody anymore and got yanked after both Willie Vega and Elder hit line drive singles to begin the bottom 6th. Prieto came on, received a bunt from Rhett West, then shrieked in horror when Jim Young drilled an 0-1 to the fence in left, but – wonder! – Jimmy Wallace made it back there and held the Boston Blues to a sac fly. Walberg grounded out, keeping it 5-2. Tacking on would be an option! Wallace and Zitzner (!) reached the corners against Holt with nobody out in the seventh. The Coons scratched out a run on Zeltser’s sac fly, but that was all, and somehow still had to pitch three innings with a consistently depleted pen.

Now, this was not a save situation, and he would never go three innings, but he was the most rested – Ed Blair was sent for the seventh with the task of getting as many outs as he could. Six would be great. Maybe get them without cocking up four runs this time. Six outs he got, against only one baserunner, Gil, who was caught stealing later on. The rest of the team got more 2-out RBI’s off Danny Bronstein; Fowler hit an RBI single in the eighth, and in the ninth Stalker and Salgado were on and scored on Berto’s 2-out double to right. The Titans got a run in the ninth again, this time off Steve Gowan, but they weren’t even close… 9-3 Furballs! Ramos 3-6, 3B, 2B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-6, 2B, RBI; Morales 3-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Fowler 3-5, RBI; Zitzner 3-5, RBI; Zeltser 2-4, 2B, RBI; Blair 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Good one, boys! Come on! One more! Go for the throat! Like you eat newly-hatched baby birds! Come on! Get ‘em!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – RF Pinkerton – P Rendon
BOS: SS Gil – 2B Spataro – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF Walberg – P Wells

Neither team got a hit through three innings, with the only on-base events being a walk drawn by Berto right at the start of the game and a Zeltser error that put Ivan Vega on with two outs in the bottom 1st. Neither scored. When Tim Stalker did lead off the fourth with a single to left, Wall hit into a fat double play. When Spataro then opened the bottom 4th with a single, I saw doom coming. Rendon fumbled Ivan Vega’s comebacker for an error, then walked Willie Vega. Three on, no outs. Jay Elder fanned, a run scored on Rhett West’s grounder, and Jim Young whiffed as well, stranding two, but Boston was now up 1-0.

After Rendon hit Wells in the fifth, walked Spataro, and somehow had Ivan Vega’s pop caught by a backwards-circling Stalker, Berto opened the sixth with a single to center. He advanced on Stalker’s groundout, then on a Wall fly to center. Fowler also flew to center, but beat Walberg’s range for an RBI double, tying the game. Then it was Spataro again, showing a lack of range on another 2-out grounder by Fernandez that became the go-ahead RBI single, 2-1…! Zitzner then grounded out at 3-1, but we knew that one before, didn’t we…

Unfortunately, six was again all the Critters got from their starter; Rendon allowed only two base hits, but still needed 97 drawn-out pitches to get even that far. Walberg and Gil base hits tied the game off Garavito in the bottom 7th, and Spataro singled off Chris Wise, Ivan Vega hit a soft fly to left on 1-2 but Fernandez caught it. That brought up .220 lefty hitter Willie Vega (but with a .364 OBP …!?), but the danger of running out of pitchers was real. If we brought David Fernandez and he walked him, we were doomed, with two right-handers thereafter. If Wise walked him, well, he was still Wise. He didn’t walk him. He allowed an RBI single to right at 3-2, then nailed Elder and walked West to force in a run. Jim Young grounded to third base, Zeltser to Zitzner, and, oops, Zitzner dropped it. Another run scored, the sweep was dead, and so was the dream. Wise walked Walberg with the bases loaded, then saw Ramos miss a Tim Wells grounder for a 2-out single – and all that with two outs. Dusty Kulp replaced the dismembered Wise and fanned Antonio Gil to end a 7-spot that broke the Raccoons’ vague-at-best attempts of being serious about the division.

Then the Raccoons scored three runs in the eighth against Wells, because of course they did. With three on and one out, Fernandez hit a sac fly to get Ramos home, and then Zitzner hit a 2-out, 2-run double, just when I had finalized my plans to shoot him in the bum with the blunderbuss once back in Portland. Stupid Willie Vega homered off Kulp in the bottom 8th, 9-5, and the Coons were down by a slam entering the ninth inning, and facing Jermaine Campbell with nearly 13 K/9. So of course Preston Pinkerton led off with a single. Jimmy Wallace pinch-hit – right into a double play. And Berto struck out. 9-5 Titans. Ramos 2-4, BB; Fowler 1-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Pinkerton 2-4; Rendon 6.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 5 K;

Five runs were unearned.

In other news

August 13 – Rebels SP Derrick Forbes (8-7, 3.55 ERA) 3-hits the Crusaders in an 8-0 shutout.
August 15 – DAL 1B Josh Keen (.280, 7 HR, 41 RBI) drives in five runs on two doubles in a 13-2 discarding of the Aces.
August 16 – An elbow contusion will keep SAL INF/RF Jose Castro (.268, 16 HR, 69 RBI) out for two weeks.
August 18 – SAC RF Troy Greenway (.289, 17 HR, 48 RBI) could be out for the season with a broken hand.

Complaints and stuff

Just when I thought things looked good (run differential of +29 …??), they deliver a stinker like Sunday’s. There were no words to describe that game, but then again we did it twice to the Titans in the series and scored all the time with two outs on their sorry bums. Ours were earned though. If stupid Travis Zitzner doesn’t make the error …!!

Oh well, spilled milk. They spilled it for four months and it’s now no good to lap up. Perversely though, we are now 8-6 against Boston this year, which is more wins than in any of the last SIX years, with four games to spare!

Those four games, which will not be played until the final week of the season, is what keeps this interesting, even at 5 1/2 games out and with plenty of other stepping stones, like the starting pitching, or stupid weather, or stupid first basemen, or even Justin Fowler’s stupid groin.

We claimed a right-handed reliever, already 26, off waivers by the Warriors this week. Dennis Citriniti had been signed out of beer league in 2034 and had only made a single appearance for the Warriors this year, pitching a third of an inning. He had plenty of options, but Sioux Falls wanted him off the 40-man roster. The Coons scooped him; strong fastball, delicious changeup, but awful control. He might be September fodder.

We’re back home next week, playing the Loggers and Aces after a much-welcome off day on Monday. Our starting pitchers this week allowed 9 runs (8 earned) for a splendid 2.10 ERA… but pitched only 34 1/3 innings. None of them got through seven, and only one (Willes) logged even one out in the seventh. The off day is needed to turn the blue stripes in the relievers’ faces white again…

Fun Fact: Only twice has the CL North been won by a team with fewer than 90 wins.

Once recently, and once a long time ago. The 1994 Loggers won the division with 85 wins when the twice-defending champs from Portland took a whole year off and came in at .500; just five years ago the Indians squeaked past the Titans with only 84 wins.

Three times the division has been taken with exactly 90 wins, twice by the Titans (2029, 2033) and once by the Indians (2006).

This year everything is possible…

[Westheim]

Raccoons (58-65) vs. Loggers (59-66) – August 21-23, 2035

Both teams needed the wins to get into the thick of the division race, which was something weird to say about two teams each seven games under .500 in the latter half of August, but thanks to the Raccoons’ series win in Boston on the weekend, the Titans were only four over, so in theory, many things could still happen… Both teams had winning Augusts, and the Loggers were even with us in the season series, 6-6. The run differential was however a stark contrast. Ours was +29. The Loggers’ was a full one-hundred runs and small change worse at -72. How these teams were virtually tied in the table we’ll never know. Milwaukee was also in the bottom four in runs scored and runs allowed, and the Raccoons hoped to victimize them… after their third dinner. (gets out of the way of the schnitzel wagon)

Projected matchups:
Colt Willes (10-10, 3.81 ERA) vs. Alfredo Casique (13-8, 3.63 ERA)
Josh Livingston (6-1, 2.13 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (8-8, 4.98 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-10, 4.86 ERA) vs. Vinny Olguin (11-11, 4.39 ERA)

The Raccoons dropped Chavez behind Livingston, because, well, obvious reasons. Stockwell was the only left-hander we expected to pitch in the series.

Game 1
MIL: LF K. Farmer – 1B LeClerc – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – CF Prestwood – SS Del Vecchio – C Paiz – P Casique
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – LF Wallace – 2B Vickers – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – P Willes

Without getting into too much trouble, Colt Willes piled up pitches very past, reaching 70 in four innings of 2-hit ball and with a 1-0 lead to his name after Manny Fernandez had driven in Berto in the third inning. He couldn’t strike anybody out and the Loggers would linger at the plate for ages. At the plate he hit a 2-out single in the fourth inning that moved Bob Zeltser to second base, from where he scored when Berto singled to left. Fernandez then lined out to Kymani Farmer. The Loggers’ leftfielder would hit the ball hard off Willes three times, and never got it to fall in, let alone to go over the fence. Josh Conner achieved the feat indeed in the sixth inning, hitting a monstrous homer to center that tied the game thanks to Danny Valenzuela having been hit by a pitch just prior. Nevertheless, Willes got another lead in the bottom of the inning; Vickers hit a leadoff double and Zeltser singled him home to make it a 3-2 ballgame. That lead Willes held through seven innings of 108 pitches, adding a much more economical three innings on 38 tosses after the drag of the earlier frames. However, the scoreboard also showed the horrendous performance of Raccoons with somebody on base. They were *always* on base, out-hitting the Loggers 11-3 through seven innings, and yet were only up by a lousy run. This was begging for a bullpen collapse… Three different relievers cobbled together a blown save in the eighth; PH Jeremy Leftwich doubled off Garavito to begin the inning, Chris Wise oversaw nothing more than PH Maxime Garnier’s groundout, and David Fernandez got PH D.J. Mendez to pop out before Valenzuela singled the run home with two outs anyway.

Which was the point where Travis Zitzner homered off Rafael Zacarias on a 1-2 pitch to begin the bottom of the eighth. It was his first bomb in his eighth came since his return to Portland, which had provoked a rather lukewarm reaction from the fans, but they sure were excited about that one. So was I and gave Cristiano Carmona a big smooch on the lips! …and then I limped over to the couch and called for Dr. Chung, because bending down to Cristiano’s wheelchair height had pulled something in my lower back and I felt like the end was near. While Hugo Salgado hit a single in the #9 hole and got to second base, the Raccoons didn’t tack on another run, so we were left hoping that Ed Blair had no shortcomings after only getting five schnitzels for dinner. Bill McWhirter ripped a single to center on his very first pitch. Tyler Prestwood popped out to second. Kenta Yoshioka flew out to center. Edgar Paiz hit a pop shallow right, Zitzner went out – and he took it. 4-3 Coons. Ramos 2-5, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Morales 2-4, 2B; Fowler 2-3, BB, 2B; Salgado (PH) 1-1; Willes 7.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 5 K and 1-3;

13 hits, five for extra bases, and only four runs and barely a win…?

Oh well. A win is a win is a – YOOOWWW!! Dr. Chung! Not with the jackhammer! – What do you mean, I “asked for treatment”??

Game 2
MIL: LF K. Farmer – SS Garnier – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – CF Prestwood – 1B Leftwich – C Paiz – P Stockwell
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – RF Salgado – 3B Zeltser – P Livingston

Portland stranded two in the first, the Loggers stranded three in the third. A walk and two singles had loaded the bases for Josh Conner, who grounded out to Bob Zeltser to waste chance. Wall walked, then scored on Fowler and Zitzner singles in the bottom 4th for the first run of the game before Salgado hit into a double play, the second Coons’ batting inning in a row that ended with a double play grounder. Stalker had wrapped up Berto the inning prior. The lead didn’t last because the Raccoons couldn’t solve Stockwell’s erratic pitches, and Josh Livingston couldn’t solve soft leadoff singles by Garnier and Valenzuela in the sixth inning. Valenzuela also annoyingly stole second base, his 40th of the year, tying Berto, but the Loggers only got the lead run in on three consecutive 6-3 groundouts, leaving the game tied at one.

Livingston got through seven innings on 97 pitches and five base hits, and the Raccoons felt obliged to pinch-hit for him when his spot came up with Loggers righty Tommy Iezzi on the mound and Bob Zeltser on first base with one down in the bottom 7th. Iezzi issued a second walk to Tony Morales, got a fielder’s choice grounder from Ramos, but then walked Stalker in another full count. Kurt Wall, batting .334, came up with three on and two gone, but lined out to Yoshioka at shortstop. Nobody else got even near scoring through the middle of the ninth, Garavito and Prieto holding the fort for Portland. Right-hander Alex Banderas was tasked with getting the game to extras, and the Critters’ 8-9-1 batters were tasked with getting it over with *now*, but made three quick outs. Steve Gowan was supposed to get through what few lefty batters were up there in the 10th, but walked Yoshioka and Valenzuela for a pickle with two outs and 15 homers’ worth of Josh Conner at the plate. Dusty Kulp replaced him, got a comebacker on three pitches, and tossed to Zitzner to end the inning. Tim Stalker’s double in the left-center gap kicked the door for a walkoff win wide open in the bottom 10th. He advanced on Kurt Wall’s groundout, but after that Fowler was walked with intent and denied a shot at his 86th RBI. Manny Fernandez fell to 0-2 before hitting a squiggler near the first base line off Banderas, who hustled over, picked up the ball in a slide and tried to lunge at an evading Fernandez, lost the ball, was slid into by replacement first baseman Rodrigo Canas, who tossed well too late and from his bum while Tim Stalker slid across home plate. 2-1 Blighters! Stalker 3-4, BB, 2 2B; Fowler 2-4, BB; Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Livingston 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 2 K;

Banderas suffered a knocked shoulder and was ruled out for the rest of the week.

We made two roster moves after this game. First, Hugo Salgado was dispatched to St. Petersburg for sucking excessively and we recalled Ed Hooge (which also added a lefty bat), and we also did away with Steve Gowan, who walked everything with legs on it, including my desk. He had to go on waivers, since he was out of options, and we called up that kid Citriniti that we had claimed off waivers by the Warriors ten days earlier.

Game 3
MIL: LF K. Farmer – 1B LeClerc – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – CF Prestwood – SS Garnier – C Paiz – P Olguin
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – LF Hooge – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – P Chavez

Both of the top base swipers involved in the game swiped their 41st in the opening frame, but only one of them scored, while the other one made an error. The latter was Valenzuela, who overran Fernandez’ single after Berto had robbed second base, which allowed Ramos to score. Fernandez went to second, then scored after two more singles by Morales and Fowler. Zitzner whiffed, oh wonder, beginning a streak of three poor outs that ended the inning rather quickly after the first four Critters had all reached base. Ramos singled in the bottom 2nd, stole second, and scored again on another Fernandez single, though, running the score to 3-0, and the third began with a Fowler single and was followed by a Zitzner homer to right. Olguin had nothing, and it showed.

All was well through five innings in Portland, which Bernie pitching a 3-hitter and the Coons comfortably ahead 3-0. Then came the sixth, Bernie turned ****, and the Loggers put three on him, all with two outs. Paiz and Farmer walked, and then they went Valenzuela single, 2-run single by Conner, and RBI single by McWhirter before Prestwood fanned himself out. Manny Fernandez provided some instant relief for the old mood with a leadoff jack off Sergio Piedra in the bottom of the inning, restoring a 3-run cushion at 6-3. Chavez went back out for the seventh, gave up a single to Garnier on 1-2, and that was that. Dusty Kulp replaced him, got a double play grounder from Edgar Paiz, allowed a single to Canas, but got Farmer to roll over to Zitzner for the third out. Kulp was asked to bunt with Hooge and Vickers on base in the bottom 7th, but did so, badly, until he finally struck out, then put Leftwich on base in the eighth before having his bacon saved by Manny Fernandez who made two racing catches in the gap against Conner and McWhirter. Ed Blair did the deed in the ninth to seal a sweep. 6-3 Raccoons. M. Fernandez 3-4, HR, 3 RBI; Fowler 2-4, BB, RBI; Vickers 2-3, BB; Kulp 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Alright boys! That was right where we needed it! And the good news? Another battered team is coming in already!

Raccoons (61-65) vs. Aces (55-71) – August 24-26, 2035

The Aces were their usual crummy, but had won four of six games from the Raccoons on the season. They were sixth in runs scored, ninth in runs allowed, and had the absolute worst bullpen that was apparently easy to expose.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (7-6, 3.95 ERA) vs. Chris Crowell (14-7, 3.31 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (10-7, 2.87 ERA) vs. Ernesto Lujan (6-11, 4.01 ERA)
Colt Willes (10-10, 3.76 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (5-13, 5.10 ERA)

All right-handers in this series.

Game 1
LVA: CF M. Hall – 1B Stedham – 2B Briones – RF Salto – LF J. Nelson – C Salinas – 3B B. Cruz – SS McNatt – P Crowell
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Sabre

After neither side had managed more than one hit the first time through, the Aces went to work on Sabre in the fourth inning. Jesse Stedham and Mario Briones hit line drive singles, Graciano Salto lined a double to left to plate a run, Justin Nelson hit a sac fly, and with outs Bob Cruz hit another line drive single for a third marker on the board. Somehow our ****ty brand of baseball just didn’t gel with Vegas’ …

The score was the same when the Raccoons finally reached scoring position on a Berto leadoff double in the *sixth*… Manny Fernandez hit a gapper for an RBI double, and suddenly the Coons appeared in business. Unfortunately, Morales fanned, Fowler flew out, and it was only Zitzner to cash the next run with another double, this one up the rightfield line, and then Jimmy Wallace grounded out pathetically to Briones, continuing a monthlong slump. Sabre got stuck in the seventh, giving up two singles for two outs. David Fernandez came on against lefty batter Jesse Stedham, for whom Brian Schneider hit but flew out to right, stranding the extra runners. The Critters got Zeltser and Hooge on base in the bottom 7th, then got a double play grounder from Ramos to throw it in the bin. The game dragged on with the same 3-2 score until the bottom of the ninth was reached. Dennis Citriniti made his Coons debut in the top 9th, retiring the 6-7-8 in order, while left-hander Casey McQueen and his 4.94 ERA were tasked with holding a 1-run lead against the 5-6-7 batters. Zitzner hit a leadoff single. Vickers, batting for the ghastly Wallace, flew out to right. Stalker flew out to left. Zeltser grounded out to Graciano Salto… 3-2 Aces. Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Hooge (PH) 1-1;

Well, wasn’t that a stinker… A metric showing a pitcher who fooled absolutely nobody for an entire day: Sabre pitched 6.2 innings, gave up seven hits, one strikeout, and only got to 80 pitches with it all.

Game 2
LVA: CF M. Hall – 1B Stedham – 2B Briones – RF Salto – LF J. Nelson – C Salinas – 3B B. Cruz – SS Schneider – P Lujan
POR: SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – RF Pinkerton – P Rendon

Briones doubled, Salto singled, and the Aces were up 1-0 in the first. Portland countered in the bottom of the inning, in which Lujan loaded the bags with two walks and a single then gave up two runs with two outs on a Tim Stalker single in right-center. Zeltser grounded out to strand a pair, and the lead went bust when Rendon was shackled by the middle of the order again in the third inning. Briones singled, got forced out by Salto, but Justin Nelson’s 2-out double behind Fowler was enough to bring the tying run in. Looking at the standings, more losses to the awful Aces were not advised, so the Raccoons had to pick up the pace here. The fourth would offer a fat chance; Zitzner led it off with a soft single, Stalker lined a double to left, and they were in scoring position with nobody out. Zeltser and Pinkerton both had run-producing groundouts, and a 4-2 lead was restored …!

After an uneventful fifth, and with Rendon running up the K tally to nine by the top of the sixth, the Raccoons got *another* scoring chance in the bottom of the sixth inning. Fowler led off with a double to left. Zitzner was walked intentionally, and Stalker was nicked, now bringing Zeltser up with three aboard and nobody out. Bob Zeltser drew ball four with Lujan having lost cohesion, pushing home an insurance run. Pinkerton hit a sac fly, Rendon bunted the remaining runners over, Berto walked, but Fernandez popped out and the big knockout blow didn’t materialize although the Raccoons were now up 6-2. Rendon struck out Bob Cruz to begin the seventh, reaching double-digit K’s, but didn’t finish the inning after a 2-out pinch-hit single by Vince Carman and Mike Hall’s looping RBI double to right. Garavito got a groundout from Stedham, ending the inning, 6-3. This became 6-5 on Briones’ single and Salto’s homer off Antonio Prieto in the eighth, all of which was too close for comfort and I paced impatiently up and down the room, bringing complaints from Slappy whenever I passed in front of the TV. The Aces lost Salto to injury in the bottom 8th. With Stalker on first and Felipe Jacquez pitching, Salto spared a hard drive by Zeltser in deep right, hurting his ankle in the process. Danny Beckel replaced him. Ultimately the bases filled up; Hooge hit into a fielder’s choice, Wallace walked, Berto singled, and Manny Fernandez batted with three on and two down – and lined out to Briones. I had a glum feeling about all of this. Here came Blair, facing the top of the order. Hall grounded out. So did Stedham. Briones singled to center, what a pest! Beckel was hitting .323 with three homers in just 31 at-bats, but, oh well, gotta retire *someone*…! That one wouldn’t be Beckel, who singled to left, bringing up Nelson’s .226 bat. And Nelson whiffed. 6-5 Critters. Zitzner 1-2, 2 BB; Stalker 2-2, BB, 2B, 2 RBI;

“Pretty” sure was not the right word for it. “Wickedly weird” maybe. We had not one, but two batters that never got a base hit, but drove in two runs each, Zeltser and Pinkerton.

I’d say whacking Klages for six runs in three innings and then coasting would be a nice finish to the week!

Game 3
LVA: CF M. Hall – 1B Stedham – 2B Briones – RF E. Martin – LF J. Nelson – C Salinas – 3B Carman – SS McNatt – P Klages
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Marsingill – P Willes

Back-to-back baseballs brazenly bashed beyond the centerfield wall by Fernandez and Fowler gave Willes an early 2-0 lead, but he also had his troubles and the Aces stranded runners on third in both of the first two innings. That was even before Mike Hall buried a gapper for a leadoff triple in the top 3rd. Stedham grounded out to first, Briones popped out, but Evan Martin singled to center to get the run home after all. Nelson grounded out to end that inning. The Coons countered – Wall, Fowler, and Zitzner all hit singles and Stalker hit an RBI double to score two runs in the bottom of the inning before Wallace popped out. Four on Klages in the first three? I’ll take that.

Unfortunately, Willes couldn’t have been less sharp. Carman and McNatt hit singles in the fourth, which resolved largely due to the double play Klages bunted into. Willes had only one strikeout through four, adding another one (Hall) in the fifth, and another one in the sixth (Carman). Most of the time he relied on the defense though, which wasn’t always a guarantee for success with these Critters. Mike Hall ended his day with a 2-out double in the seventh, and Mauricio Garavito made mine agony when he served up a 2-run homer to Stedham. That one cut the lead to 4-3. Now it was back to clawing into the desk and hoping nothing would happen… Garavito popped out Briones to end the seventh and Martin to begin the eighth, and Wise got two more outs. An insurance run would be welcome, but wasn’t on offer. It was Ed Blair against the bottom of the order with no cushion in the ninth; Vince Carman ripped a leadoff single, but Jeff McNatt shot a grounder at Berto for two. PH Danny Ambrose was batting .162 in the #9 hole, then upped that to .184 with a soul-stabbing homer to dead center, setting McQueen up for the bottom of the ninth. Bob Zeltser led off in the #9 hole, having taken the field the previous half-inning, and flew to deep left, but into an out – Nelson was there. Berto singled to right, Wall singled up the middle, and Berto made for third base with success – the winning run was 90 feet way for a 3-for-4 Manny Fernandez with 11 hits on the week and a 9-game hitting streak. He didn’t get another hit here … but his fly to center sure looked deep. Hall made the catch, Berto tagged up and went, and that throw didn’t arrive at home plate until Berto had reached home, high-fived everybody, showered, and was ready in front of his food bowl for dinner. 5-4 Critters. Wall 2-5; M. Fernandez 3-4, HR, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-3, BB, HR, RBI; Wallace 2-3, BB;

In other news

August 20 – SAC SS/OF Jesus Banuelas (.258, 2 HR, 28 RBI) drives in seven runs from the leadoff spot in the Scorpions’ 20-2 dismantling of the Gold Sox. Banuelas, 21 years old, has three hits and draws two walks. Two of his hits are triples, and the other is a homer.
August 20 – SFW C Ethan McCullar (.307, 24 HR, 86 RBI) is going to miss about three weeks with a sprained ankle.
August 20 – RIC 3B/2B Steve Sierra (.260, 7 HR, 42 RBI) is out for the season with a torn labrum and might miss the start of the next one, too.
August 21 – NAS SP Mark Roberts (8-7, 3.88 ERA) earns his 200th major league win with a 6-hit performance for eight scoreless innings, beating the Miners 4-0. The 2025 Pitcher of the Year and Triple Crown winner (then with the Raccoons) was 40 years old and on his fourth team in four years, but was still going strong in the rotation. For his career he is 200-135 with a 3.24 ERA and 2,769 strikeouts.
August 22 – DEN SP Chris Inderrieden (9-9, 3.87 ERA) wins his first game with the Gold Sox in his eighth attempt after being traded from Atlanta, shutting out the Scorpions on three hits in an 8-0 win.
August 26 – The Miners will be without OF Ozzie Burgos (.279, 9 HR, 45 RBI) for about a month. The 25-year-old has shoulder soreness.

Complaints and stuff

Jimmy Wallace ended an 0-for-33 rot on Sunday. It was also the first time he reached base safely three times since … uh … (browses further back in his binder with box score printouts) … July 26, a full month. That was hard to watch…

If the Coons are really serious about the playoffs, they need Jimmy Wallace well fed and on his paws, devilish defense be damned. There is nobody else we could play out there.

Not sure we won’t switch back the roster moves we made this week. Steve Gowan refuses his assignment to AAA, which is a bit of a problem. We could just release him, but I still hoped to have him as backup should stupid stuff happen down the road. Having only right-handed starters is also one of the reasons I like having three southpaw relievers around, since every time you start a righty, you are much more likely to have your first relief man be a left-hander than if you start a lefty – my aversion to switch lefty-for-lefty left out of the discussion for a moment.

Ed Hooge adds nothing to the team, but so was Salgado. If you lumped those two together you’d get a switch-hitter that never reaches base but could in theory steal a bag or two, and plays all outfield positions. That hypothetical switch-hitter would still be of hardly any use.

But the core truth of this week is the Coons went 5-1 (and 6-0 was doable…), and the Titans did NOT. Boston won a single game on Tuesday and they’re now on a 5-game losing streak. In fact, they lost first place to the damn Elks, who now lead the division at 66-64. Hah, the glory of the CL North. Indy is bottoms, six games out. And they are not out of it.

Fun Fact: Mark Roberts has four World Series rings, two with us and two with the Warriors.

He has a mild Hall of Fame case to be made, too, given that he was pretty dominant for a period in the 2020s. He led the CL in wins and ERA just that one time he won the triple crown, but he led it in strikeouts four times. He also led it in homers allowed three times, but that sounds like nitpicking right now.

2.3 BB/9 and 8.1 K/9 for his career, and he posted only two losing records in his career despite playing on some truly botched teams like the early-20s Bayhawks or those ca. 2030 Raccoons…

[Questdog]

That was a good week to read about! And a pennant race to boot!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (63-66) @ Falcons (51-76) – August 27-29, 2035

Trailing 2-4 in the season series, the Raccoons had some winning to do against the Falcons, who by record and performance had long been eliminated. They were last in offense and mediocre in pitching, with a relatively good bullpen but a shoddy rotation. We needed wins, wins, wins.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (6-1, 2.06 ERA) vs. Matt Moon (8-12, 3.72 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (9-10, 4.85 ERA) vs. Jeff Horton (1-6, 3.59 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (7-7, 3.96 ERA) vs. Bryce Sparkes (13-10, 3.75 ERA)

Getting the three good right-handers here…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Livingston
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B Tadlock – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – RF Trahan – 3B G. Ortiz – LF Amundsen – SS Aparicio – P Moon

Neither team put a batter on base until Tony Aparicio drew a walk in the bottom of the third inning. Moon bunted, Oscar Aguirre whiffed, and we remained scoreless in Charlotte. Jimmy Wallace and Jonathan Reyna each found a single in the fourth inning, which also led nowhere, with Ernesto Huichapa hitting into a double play. When the Raccoons loaded the bags in the fifth after a Tony Morales leadoff double they did it in the weirdest way, not getting two men on until Tim Stalker was walked with intent. Livingston walked without intent, and then Berto fell to 2-2 before grounding to second base. Aguirre, a plus defender, warped over, but his throw to first was not in time, and the Raccoons scored the game’s first run on the 2-out infield single. And then Fernandez grounded out haplessly after that…

Top 6th, Wallace Unslumbered ripped a leadoff double to right. The Falcons feared the CL RBI leader and walked him intentionally with nobody out, but Moon then allowed a single to the rookie behind Fowler and the bases were full with no outs for … well, Travis Zitzner. One obvious strikeout later, reliever Joe Feltman got Zeltser to pop out, then nailed Stalker with a 1-2 pitch to force in a run. Livingston softly lined out to Aparicio to strand another three, and at some point this just HAD to come back and bite the Critters in the furry tush…

Of course, when the Falcons came, they came in the most-stupidest way possible. Tony Aparicio, batting all of .137, hit a leadoff jack to left-center to begin the bottom 6th, and then ex-Coon Tom Hawkins hit a pinch-hit double. Somehow grounders to second base kept him from scoring in the inning, but who was even surprised that the Falcons were able to score without 30 free passes…? Livignston pitched into the bottom 8th before things got dicey enough for him to get yanked. Erik Amundsen drew a leadoff walk, representing the tying run. Lorenzo Herrera ran for him, and Kevin Morris hit for Aparicio, who wouldn’t get dumb/lucky twice and hit a deeeep F9. Chris Wise (and Justin Marsingill) came on in a double switch, but Tom Hawkins singled, Aguirre bunted, and former Logger Ron Tadlock drove the dagger in with a 2-out, 2-run double to center. Portland went down in order in the ninth against southpaw Juan Vela. The stupid striped team had done it again… 3-2 Falcons. Wallace 2-4, 2B; Morales 2-4, 2B; Livingston 7.1 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K;

Eight left on base, including twice a set of three. Neato.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – 3B Zeltser – 1B Zitzner – LF Hooge – 2B Stalker – P Chavez
CHA: LF L. Herrera – 1B Tadlock – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – RF Trahan – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B O. Aguirre – SS Aparicio – P Horton

The continued slash reconstituted, maddening presence of Travis Zitzner on the roster yielded a 3-run homer in the second inning, a frame in which the Raccoons sent Justin Fowler to the plate twice and put six runs on poor Jeff Horton as if Monday had never happened. After Zitzner homered Fowler and Zeltser home, Tim Stalker reached base, stole second, came home from third base on an infield single with two outs legged out by Berto (the second one in the series), Berto stole second, Fernandez was nicked, stole second, and Morales drove both of them in before Fowler flew out harmlessly. Alright, what’s for dinner?

MAYBE slices of Chavez’ ham, if I was in the mood. After the 6-spot concluded, Billionaire Bernie immediately gave up three singles while not getting anybody out. Aguirre hit into a 6-4-3 double play, scoring a run, which at this point was good news, and Aparicio popped out – if you’re pretending to be in a playoff race, you can’t intentionally walk .146 hitters, no matter how many homers they ram off your sorry snout!

Horton was gone after three, and Morales took a beating in the fourth. With Manny on second and two outs, relief man (and former ace) Victor Govea nailed the young catcher. Fowler singled to right past Tadlock, and on the ensuing play Fernandez scored, while Morales bid for third base and was violently slapped out by Greg Ortiz, the Falcon I desperately had tired to make a Critter a few years earlier. In the bottom of the inning, he bettered his season to .277 with 8 homers and 34 RBI, hitting a 2-out 2-piece off Chavez, who – and I counted – was due another $12.4M … The Critters tried to scrabble more runs together; Hooge singled and scored on Stalker’s double in the fifth, getting the score to 8-3, which still wasn’t necessarily Bernie-safe. …and he didn’t get the win. Tadlock doubled, Huichapa hit an RBI single, and after 4.2 innings of 9-hit, 4-run ball on 95 tosses, Chavez was yanked. Garavito ended the fifth on one pitch, getting a groundout from Dave Trahan.

The drama subsided slightly with Bernie Chavez banished to the sidelines. Dennis Citriniti pitched five outs before Huichapa appeared with Falcons on the corners in the bottom 7th. Prieto replaced the rookie and got a groundout to Zeltser. Actually, no, the panic crept back in with Prieto. He walked Trahan to begin the bottom 8th, then gave up an RBI double to Ortiz, who was caught in a rundown between second and third, 8-5. Aguirre tripled immediately. Aparicio whiffed, but PH Kevin Morris singled to left. The tying run now appeared in the box, and everything was horrendous. The Raccoons sent for Ed Blair, hoping for some 4-out magic. They got a walk to Herrera, a wild pitch, then thankfully an easy fly to Preston Pinkerton in rightfield to end the inning. Reyna grounded out to begin the ninth, and then Huichapa homered, 8-7. Trahan singled to center, Ortiz singled to left. Blair got a good yelling-at on the mound while David Fernandez was getting ready to be tossed in as a last resort. When Aguirre struck out, the Coons stuck to Blair since the Falcons also didn’t hit for Aparicio, already a .150, but come on, how many more homers was that little bastard going to hit in the series? None on Tuesday, that much was for sure; he grounded out to Zeltser. 8-7 Critters. M. Fernandez 2-4; Zeltser 2-5; Zitzner 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Hooge 2-4, 2B;

Garavito got his second win of the season for throwing precisely one pitch.

Also, Dr. Chung! Dr. Chung! – They make my heart race, and not in a good way! – Make them stop?

Dr. Chung recommended less booze and pills and more exercise for me, which was not exactly the phrase I longed to hear. Oh, shucks. (claps paws) Come on, boys, Poppa needs a win in he rubber game!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – P Sabre
CHA: LF L. Herrera – 2B O. Aguirre – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – RF Trahan – 3B G. Ortiz – 1B Amundson – SS Aparicio – P Sparkes

Portland jumped out early again with Berto and Wall landing base hits. Manny hit a sac fly and Jimmy Wallace went yard for an early 3-0 score. Then came Sabre, allowed hard liners for singles against Herrera and Aguirre, a soft RBI single to Huichapa and barely escaped disaster when Rich Vickers made a good play on a sharp Ortiz grounder… Huichapa had another 2-out RBI single in the bottom 3rd, then after a soft Reyna single… and a wild pitch. Somehow, the Coons’ rotation had filled with slow-motion train wrecks…

Through four innings, the Coons still led 3-2, but Sabre had allowed seven base hits, much like Chavez the day before. The brazenness of the Falcons was also something to be admired; with Amundson and Aparicio on base in the inning and one out they wouldn’t bunt with Sparkes, who instead lined out to Manny Fernandez. Herrera got a K to end that inning. Huichapa came up with a man on again in the bottom 5th – Reyna with another single – but this time hit into an inning-ending double play. The writing had been on the wall for a while, so maybe some renewed offense would help. The Coons had drawn blanks for a while against Sparkes, and only got Fowler on base with two outs in the sixth. Jimmy Wallace homered seemed to have found the groove again and fired his second 2-run homer of the game to right-center, extending the score line to 5-2. And after Zitzner whiffed, Dave Trahan immediately romped a leadoff jack off Sabre…

Sabre retired the first two in the seventh, then was mothballed before Reyna and Huichapa could do decisive harm to the score. The Coons brought out Dusty Kulp, who got a first-pitch groundout from Reyna to end the inning, then walked Huichapa at the beginning of the next. The Coons went to David Fernandez in a double switch that removed Wallace, who had landed a 2-out RBI single in the top of the inning to now hold five shares in the Coons’ 6-3 lead, and all driven in with two down in the respective inning. Nevertheless, the rate at which things went wrong increased exponentially. Trahan doubled on Fernandez’ first pitch, and Ortiz hit a sac fly on the second. Fowler caught that fly, then waved for the trainer and was removed from the game with neck pain. Well, if he can wave, how hard can it be? Right? Right? RIGHT, DR. CHUNG?? … The inning ended with two strikeouts and Preston Pinkerton filling up the outfield. The Coons had nothing in the top 9th, and the Falcons couldn’t get to Fernandez in the bottom of the inning, either, so we limped out with a W. 6-4 Raccoons. Wall 3-4, 2B; Wallace 4-4, 2 HR, 5 RBI; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, SV (4);

But at what cost!? At what price!?

Oh, there’s the medical report. Dr. Chung listed Fowler as day-to-day with a herniated disc in his neck. Fowler wanted to soldier through it (and who else would bat cleanup??), but Dr. Chung estimated that he would still continue to whine about it for about two weeks. Two weeks!? But that is most of the time we got left in the season!

Dr. Chung shrugged, mumbled something about digging trenches for exercise, and then left me alone with my sorrow, and I had an entire off day to grumble about the recent developments.

Raccoons (65-67) @ Indians (60-73) – August 31-September 2, 2035

The Raccoons returned to where it had started – on August 3 they had lost both ends of a rain-induced double header in Indianapolis, including an 8-0 lead blown in Game 1, which somehow caused the glass door to the balcony in my hotel room to shatter. Since then, they had been a .792 (19-5) ballclub, powerballing themselves back into contention. They hadn’t lost as much as consecutive games since that wretched August 3 double-header, and only twice had lost by more than one run.

For this to continue they had to make the Indians bleed in this weekend set. The competition had largely been static in the North during the midweek series, and Portland was still 2 1/2 games out of first. The Indians were eight back after having been swept in Tijuana. They were hitting the most home runs, but were also pretty poor in many other aspects o the game. They weren’t stealing bases, they had the worst defense, and had little goods to show off on their pitching staff. We were up in the season series, but only 6-5.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (11-7, 2.92 ERA) vs. Josh Walsh (12-8, 3.17 ERA)
Colt Willes (10-10, 3.72 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (7-14, 5.08 ERA)
Josh Livingston (6-1, 2.09 ERA) vs. Mike Burris (4-8, 3.38 ERA)

Those were all right-handers, which made one plan, to put Justin Fowler into the lineup against lefties only, a bit … complicated, at least for the weekend. Maybe we’d weave him in at some point anyway, but in any case he wasn’t in the lineup on Friday, the final day before rosters expanded.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – C Morales – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – CF Hooge – P Rendon
IND: SS Benito – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – C J. Herrera – 1B I. Pena – RF Plunkett – P J. Walsh

Through four innings, both teams had three hits and two double plays to their name, and no runs on the board. Stalker’s 6-4-3 in the top 2nd after Walsh had walked Morales and Zelts to begin the inning was particularly vexing. Juan Herrera broke the ice with a leadoff jack in the bottom 5th, his 13th homer putting the Indians ahead 1-0. And what now? The Raccoons had nothing in the top 6th, the middle of the order disappearing in just a couple of pitches. In the bottom of the inning the Indians knocked up Rendon for good; sharp hits by Juan Benito, Dan Schneller (an RBI double), and John Baron put two more runs on the board, and Rendon didn’t get out of the sixth, walking Herrera with two outs. Garavito struck out Ivan Pena, but the damage was well done in a 3-0 game in which the Raccoons had yet to put up a token threat.

Bob Zeltser reached first on an uncaught third strike to begin the top 7th, which was perhaps the key to unlocking Josh Walsh, who walked Stalker, but then Ed Hooge hit into his second double play of the game. Desperate for anything, the Raccoons sent Justin Fowler to pinch-hit in the #9 hole. He did nothing less than rip an RBI triple. Berto poked a single to bring him home, and that brought up Fernandez as the go-ahead run. Walsh was on 109 pitches when Manny ripped the 0-1 to right. High. Deep. See ya! A 4-run comeback out of thin air, and now we just had to find nine outs without blowing the resulting 4-3 lead. Prieto did the seventh perfectly fine, but when Chris Wise came on for the eighth, Schneller hit a single to shallow left and Wallace overran the ball for an error at the very worst of times. The tying run moved to second base with nobody out. Baron flew out, bringing up the .330 bat with 17 homers owned by Josh Garbinski, with right-handers coming behind him. The Raccoons tried to out-fox the baseball gods – Garbinski was walked intentionally to get Wise to see Dan Hutson, with only right-handed bats but switch-hitting rookie Mike Calderín on the bench for the Arrowheads. Hutson whiffed! Herrera hit a 1-0 to center that sent Hooge back, and back a bit more, and back a bit more… and there he made the catch, stranding two…! The Coons found nothing in their bats, bringing up Ed Blair against the bottom of the order in the ninth and still a 4-3 score on the board. Ivan Pena lined out to Stalker. Mike Plunkett struck out. Joe DiGiacomo … popped out! 4-3 Raccoons!! M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Fowler (PH) 1-1, 3B, RBI;

By the skin of their teeth …!! This game also, for the first time all week, brought the Coons actually closer to the top of the division, now 1 1/2 back of Elk City.

Garavito won yet another game, this time on four pitches. The lazy bum!

And then roster expanded. Normally we’d get two arms and two bats, but with Fowler day-to-day or rather week-to-week, though not entirely incapacitated, we’d get some more. The first addition was Steve Gowan, who had refused an assignment to AAA all the while since having been waived, and had not been released either. He was added back to the roster on the 1st, and told to shut the **** up if he valued his whiskers.

The other additions were the always curious case of Nick Bates (2.31 ERA in AAA, 19.29 ERA in Portland, but a 2.75 ERA in Portland in his spotted career) and 2029 second-rounder Bob Thomson for he pen; Thomson had been close to a call-up earlier in the year, but things had worked out without him then. He was a run-of-the-mill left-handed starter, had recently turned 25, and was not going to wow anybody. We’d use him in the pen as third southpaw option.

Philip Scheffer was rewarded for good behavior in AAA at 34 years of age by a promotion to third catcher. We brought up a surprise as additional infielder forgoing the meh Edgar Barrios for Matt Triolo, a 26-year-old elite defensive option with no bat to speak of, but maybe he could poke the odd single; he was a lefty batter and would make his major league debut. We also brought back Hugo Salgado… and then made another move in an attempt to reach the stars. With Fowler confined to light duty (like tripling…) for another two weeks, the Raccoons called up 21-year-old Jesus Maldonado, who had batted .347/.419/.498 in 56 games in St. Pete after starting the year in Ham Lake. He was a multi-talented outfielder, capable of playing every position in the infield and outfield (though had no experience at second base), and his bat got rave reviews… except that maybe it was too early for him… oh, yeah, and he was the #6 prospect in the league.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C K. Wall – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Willes
IND: SS Benito – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – C J. Herrera – 1B I. Pena – RF Plunkett – P Kretzmann

Maldonado tried to make Kretzmann rub up a new one in his first at-bat, but instead became the 100th strikeout victim of the Indians hurler on the season. Kretzmann otherwise walked two and allowed a single to Stalker in the inning, but Willes grounded out to strand the bases loaded. Instead the Indians knocked up Willes with straight 2-out singles by the 6-7-8 batters. Herrera and Pena were on the corners when Plunkett singled to right. One run scored on the single, and the other on Manny Fernandez’ throwing error when Pena dashed for third base. Another three singles scores another run for Indy in the third…

The Age of Maldonado had its first base hit in the fourth, a 2-out single that led nowhere. The Raccoons didn’t get another fat chance until the fifth, and then for a Willes double to left. Berto dropped in a blooper that landed between Schneller and Plunkett, and Fernandez came up as the tying run with the two runners on the corners and one out. He flew out to Garbinski on the first pitch for a sac fly, and Kurt Wall popped out. Wallace opened the sixth with a single, then got doubled up by Zitzner, and I still wasn’t entirely clear what he did on the roster to start with… Maldonado had another single, stole second, but Zeltser popped out to strand him again.

Willes lasted six and two thirds before a walk to Benito made him make room for the enlarged bullpen. Dusty Kulp got out of the inning. Fernandez then opened the eighth with a double to right, once more bringing the tying run to bear on Kretzmann, who was extremely resilient until Kurt Wall hit an RBI double in the gap. The Indians were in all due time preparing a pitching change, but Wallace hit a grounder before that could take place. Pena contained the ball behind first base, then tossed terrible behind Kretzmann’s back for an error. The ball bounced into foul ground, Herrera had to chase it down, but this took so long that even Kurt Wall had time to chuck it home from second base, tying the score, with Wallace sent to second base. The Indians walked Zitzner intentionally (snort!) to get Kretzmann to pitch to the debutee and then send a lefty for Zeltser. That debutee though ripped a liner through the space between a panicked, ducking Dan Hutson and his hovering cap, up the line for a go-ahead, RBI double! MAL-DONADO!! The Indians walked Zeltser, still retained Kretzmann, who got a 6-2-3 double play from Tim Stalker’s grounder, *then* oversaw another intentional walk issued to PH Justin Fowler. This loaded the bags for Berto with two gone and Ramiro Benavides and his 6.02 ERA coming on. Berto lined out to Benito, stranding three…

The bottom 8th saw the Coons up 4-3 and trying to dawdle it away again. Calderín singled off David Fernandez. Hutson singled off Wise. With runners on the corners and two outs, Garavito came on to face Pena, but the Indians pinch-hit with veteran Luis Leija, who ran a full count before shooting a ball up the middle. Berto rushed, picked, spun, avoided Hutson’s reaching spikes, and tossed to first to beat Leija by half a step to kill the threat. Benavides was still around in the top 9th. Manny flew out, but Wall reached base on a Benito error. Salgado ran for him and reached third when Wallace cracked a single past Gold Glover Dan Schneller. Hitting for Zitzner seemed like a good idea, but the Indians stuck to the lefty, so maybe … and he struck out. There was no hitting for a 3-for-4 debutee, but Maldonado grounded out to Benito. Bottom 9th, Blair. J.J. Henley singled with one out, and so did Benito. Salgado’s throw to third base allowed the trailing runner and the winning run to advance into scoring position. Dan Schneller rolled a grounder near third base, Zeltser hustled in and tossed to first – not in time, and the tying run scored. Scruffy bench hugger Sam Wall then batted in the #3 hole, a lefty bat against Blair… and walked off the Arrowheads on the first pitch with a soft blooper into shallow right. 5-4 Indians. Ramos 2-5; Wallace 2-4, RBI; Maldonado 3-5, 2B, RBI;

Eviscerating.

And then there he was – the left-handed pitcher that we didn’t think we’d get. The Indians moved Arnie Terwilliger (9-12, 4.97 ERA) into the Sunday game.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – C K. Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – 2B Stalker – 3B Marsingill – P Livingston
IND: SS Benito – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – C J. Herrera – 1B I. Pena – RF Plunkett – P Terwilliger

For a nice change, the Raccoons scored first on Jimmy Wallace’s 16th homer of the year, only for John Baron to rip #23 in the bottom of the first to tie it up again, 1-1. After the Baron homer, the Coons didn’t have another hit until the fourth when Fowler singled and was left on, while Livingston constantly seemed to have an Arrowhead on base, but despite landing four more base hits through the end of the fourth, the Indians couldn’t score again. The fifth inning then saw the 8-9 in the Coons’ order reach with one out and on consecutive errors by Pena and Terwilliger, respectively. Oh, but now – they HAD to break through now! Berto struck out, Wall walked, and Wallace popped out foul on a 2-0 pitch, stranding another set of three, FOR ****’S SAKE!!

All the best-laid curses didn’t help, the Raccoons couldn’t find a way to score off the decidedly mediocre pitcher on paw. Instead, Livingston got singled to death in the sixth. Garbinski hit a 1-out double, then scored on a Hutson single, with the batter advancing to second on a lame throw to home. Herrera singled HIM home, and Pena also reached base on another single before the inning fizzled out with the Arrowheads 3-1 ahead. And despite being out-hit 11-2, and unable to get the ****ing baseballs to fall in, the Raccoons still had a chance to tie the game in the eighth when Wallace drew a 2-out walk from Terwilliger. Boldly, the Indians left him in there against Fowler, aching, but 1-for-3 in the game. The Coons needed a homer NOW. They got a fly to center, Baron caught it, and it was all ****. The soft end of the bullpen then came apart for two more runs in the bottom of the eighth, one each charged to Thomson in his major league debut, and Citriniti, who walked two and allowed a 2-run single to Schneller. The Coons faced lefty Juan Melendrez in the ninth. He retired them in order. 5-1 Indians.

In other news

August 27 – Pacifics swingman Jinten Kaneshiro (4-10, 5.40 ERA) might miss most of next season, too, after going on the DL with a torn rotator cuff.
August 28 – 49 games into his ABL career, DAL 2B/SS Hugo Acosta (.357, 0 HR, 21 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak at barely 21 years of age.
August 28 – RIC 3B/SS Guillermo Obando (.264, 0 HR, 34 RBI) hits a 2-run double in the bottom 17th to not only stave off defeat, but win the game, 7-6, for the Rebels, who had conceded a run in the top of the inning against the Scorpions.
August 31 – BOS SS/2B Keith Spataro (.245, 5 HR, 49 RBI) is out for the season with a strained hamstring.
September 1 – The hitting streak of DAL 2B/SS Hugo Acosta (.352, 0 HR, 21 RBI) ends after 22 games in a 5-2 loss to the Warriors. Acosta goes 0-for-3.
September 2 – CIN SP Emilio DeClerk (11-5, 3.16 ERA) will spend all winter recuperating from a torn back muscle.

Complaints and stuff

It started in Indianapolis, it ended in Indianapolis. The first consecutive losses since *that* double header in August, and If that ****fest of a weekend set didn’t rob all your illusions, nothing ever will.

But since nobody else seems to mind winning any amount of games, and Maud insists that I play positive and motivational, especially when there are sponsor representatives around (points at the Roger Hotchkiss “Bud” DeVilane II -employed hitman in the black suit and broad-rimmed hat hiding in the dark corner), why don’t we take a look at the remaining games for all the pretenders…? (with BNN-supplied strength of schedule and playoff probability)

BOS (69-68) – IND (6), POR (4), CHA (3), MIL (3), NYC (3), TIJ (3), VAN (3) – .480 – 48.9%
VAN (68-68) – POR (7), NYC (4), BOS (3), IND (3), MIL (3), OCT (3), SFB (3) – .497 – 28.0%
POR (66-69) – VAN (7), BOS (4), IND (4), MIL (3), NYC (3), OCT (3), SFB (3) – .500 – 18.8%
NYC (64-72) – MIL (6), IND (4), VAN (4), BOS (3), CHA (3), POR (3), TIJ (3) – .485 – 3.0%
MIL (64-74) – NYC (6), ATL (3), BOS (3), IND (3), POR (3), LVA (3), VAN (3) – .477 – 0.4%
IND (62-74) – BOS (6), NYC (4), POR (4), ATL (3), LVA (3), MIL (3), VAN (3) – .482 – 0.8%

And **** will get real really quick now – the damn Elks are in town on Monday, starting a 4-game set. Realistically speaking, it could be over for us by Thursday night, especially given our recent performances against them… Elks and Titans will play next weekend, while we have the Crusaders in on the weekend.

Maybe Jimmy Wallace can do something about the threat of the stall. One week after completing an 0-for-33 decomposition he won Player of the Week honors, barring .526 (10-for-19) with 3 HR and 6 RBI.

Baseball, huh!?

Should we somehow fail our way into the World Series, the Buffaloes won’t be the opponents for a 2028 rematch, as they were eliminated on Sunday, the first ABL to be so and also the first assured a losing record this year. The Condors suffered a couple of walkoff losses to Vegas on the weekend, so it’s not like we are the only team with ambitions that can’t keep their holes closed.

Darren Brown started a rehab assignment in St. Pete this week. The plan is to get him back after two starts and see whether he can be any help down the stretch. Still on the DL is John Hennessy and he won’t come off until the second half of September, so while he might be an option at the end of the season he already struggled in the brief time between injuries and I don’t see him making the playoff roster.

Fun Fact: Matt Triolo was on his second tour of duty in the Coons’ minor league system before getting called up on Saturday. He had previously been around for three months in 2028.

Originally a third-rounder by the Miners in ’26 we had gotten him off the trash heap prior to the 2028 season but included him in a trade with the Bayhawks for Jon Correa in July. It was the first of three trades he was involved in during that year, eventually ending up with the Buffos, but nobody ever saw him as major league material. Prior to getting another trash heap contract this March, he had been through eight minor league organizations.

[edtheguy]

I just ordered my #24 Jersey. The lady on the other end of the phone seemed surprised the pro shop sold jerseys... Now that I think about it she also seemed surprised the club had a pro shop...

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by edtheguy

I just ordered my #24 Jersey. The lady on the other end of the phone seemed surprised the pro shop sold jerseys... Now that I think about it she also seemed surprised the club had a pro shop...

I'm surprised Bob Zeltser has fans. And that we have a lady.

(Maud stops briefly while scrubbing a stain the wall, briefly reviewing all her life choices)

I botched the screenshot above; #24 is indeed Zeltser's number. Maldonado was assigned #4.

[Archelirion]

Maybe Jimmy Wallace can do something about the threat of the stall. One week after completing an 0-for-33 decomposition he won Player of the Week honors, barring .526 (10-for-19) with 3 HR and 6 RBI.

I'm thinking of getting that 'this is baseball, and baseball makes no sense' quote from Jon Bois made into a gold-plated placard, specifically for stuff such as this.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (66-69) vs. Canadiens (68-68) – September 3-6, 2035

Any other year, this would be an “aw shucks” series, played out some 15 games behind the Titans, and nobody would care. This time, both teams were within two games of the Titans, and the division was very much up for grabs since all the CL North was .500 teams… or worse. Speaking of “worse”, the Raccoons’ performance against the damn Elks was well on track to be the worst in over a decade, with a 3-8 record going into this 4-game set. We hadn’t found any way to beat them. Not one. They were ninth in offense, but allowed the third-fewest runs and had a +20 run differential (Coons: +33).

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (9-10, 4.94 ERA) vs. Jaden Baldwin (5-8, 4.61 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-7, 3.96 ERA) vs. Raymond Pearce (1-0, 3.26 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (11-7, 2.99 ERA) vs. Josh Weeks (11-12, 3.61 ERA)
Colt Willes (10-10, 3.68 ERA) vs. John Nelson (10-8, 3.67 ERA)

Weeks was the only southpaw to anticipate. The Elks also had a number of injuries, including starting pitchers Felipe Delgado and Joe West, and regular infielders D.J. Robinson and Ramon Cabral. The Raccoons had Justin Fowler dealing with the iffy neck, which was worse for us than any of their losses for them…

I came to the ballpark early on Monday morning to get a full day’s worth of anxiously staring at our lineup card. To my surprise, even at 7am, my office was already packed, with owner Nick Valdes, Coons legend Matt Nunley, Cristiano Carmona, and Slappy all sat around the table by the TV to vividly discuss the merits of string theory. Doing a 180 and returning to Maud’s room, I asked her what was going on. She said I should consider myself lucky, because just a few minutes ago Chad in the mascot costume had also been part of the round.

A frightening thought to behold indeed.

Game 1
VAN: 2B Morrow – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – CF Outram – 3B B. Gonzales – RF Phillips – SS L. Castillo – P Baldwin
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – P Chavez

To my surprise, even after Matt Nunley unveiling his newest generation of BBQ grill to the team (and taking 30 orders), and an entire day’s worth of assorted feasting, by game time the Raccoons not only managed to get their pants on, but also scored first. Berto reached on an errant throw by Eric Morrow and came around on Jimmy Wallace’s 2-out single, right in the first inning. Also to nobody’s surprise, Bernie Chavez remained trash in a hat. Tomas Caraballo hit a leadoff single in the top 2nd, and then Jerry Outram rammed one out. It was the #1 home run in the career of this year’s #1 draft pick, who had debuted on Saturday. It also bumped Chavez’ ERA over five again for the first time in a good while.

Then agony broke out; after the Wallace RBI single in the first, the Coons’ next two base runners would by Rich Vickers, twice. He got nailed in the second and was stranded, then hit single in the fifth that saw him end up getting forced out on a shabby bunt by Bernie Shambles. When Berto walked with two outs, the thought of a pinch-runner at second base was appealing, but we didn’t do it, instead wishing on Manny Fernandez to knock his 13th homer of the season. He didn’t do that, instead singling up the middle and Chavez scored anyway to tie the game. Morales hit an infield single, and then Wallace grounded out to Morrow to strand three. Oh to have Justin Fowler at full health …! All we got was sage advise from Nick Valdes that the Raccoons needed to score more runs if they wanted to win, with Slappy, Nunley, and Cristiano all nodding in agreement.

Instead, a Ryan Phillips longball with two outs in the seventh gave the Elks a 3-2 lead. Bernie retired Luis Castillo before getting the heave-ho with his spot leading off the bottom of the inning. Ed Hooge batted for him and flew out, but Berto singled in front of Jesse LeJeune… then was caught stealing. Dennis Citriniti pitched a scoreless eighth for Portland, after which Tony Morales grounded out against a resilient Baldwin. Looking angrily at Jerry Outram I desperately wished for our own boy wonders to do something, anything. Then Jimmy Wallace hit a jack to right, levelling the score, which did me alright in the moment. Baldwin walked Zitzner, then ran into a Jesus Maldonado double, which sat up a fat scoring chance for Bob Zeltser with Coons on second and third and one out. The damn Elks saw it too and put him on with intent to bring up Vickers with force plays all over. The Raccoons countered with Justin Fowler and his sore neck. One pitch was enough for him to crack a 2-run single into left, and the Coons had the lead!! Matt Triolo made his major league debut by running for him while Kurt Wall batted for Citriniti in the #9 hole. He brought home Zeltser, doubling to left on 1-2, and before reliever David Arias could end the inning and the hemorrhage, a wild pitch also plated Triolo. David Fernandez retired the 3-4-5 batters (all left-handed bats) in order in the ninth inning, finishing with a K to Outram. 7-3 Coons!! Wallace 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Vickers 1-2; Fowler (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI;

First major league win for Citriniti, and a BIG one at that. Now let’s go for second place, boys!

Game 2
VAN: 2B Morrow – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – RF Korecky – LF Outram – 3B B. Gonzales – SS E. Serrano – P Pearce
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Sabre

Sabre hadn’t been any good since coming off the DL and didn’t suddenly find his mojo in this game, either. Neither team did much through three innings, but in the damn Elks’ case this was also down to the defense bailing out Sabre after almost every 6-pitch at-bat. He needed 48 tosses through three scoreless innings, then was roughed up for two runs (one earned) on just 14 in the fourth. Tomas Caraballo hit a jack on the very first pitch, and before long Will Korecky reached base on Stalker’s throwing error. Outram’s single put runners on the corners with nobody out, but the Elks didn’t get past a Bobby Gonzales sac fly to make it 2-0. When the bottom 4th came around, Wallace and Zitzner hit two singles on three pitches, but Jesus Maldonado popped out. Pearce, 28, who had gone 10-0 in AAA this year, walked Zeltser to fill the bags for Stalker, to the enjoyment of Matt Nunley, who was grossly overeaten and couldn’t go home, but found energy to clench a paw and shake it while stuck on my trusty brown couch. Valdes asked Slappy whether a ball over the wall would count for four in this situation, and Slappy nodded wisely. No such ball occurred. Stalker popped out and Sabre grounded out, and nobody scored.

The next time Sabre came around, he was batted for after six spotty innings, and still down, but only 2-1 after Tony Morales had driven home Berto in the bottom 5th. Fowler would bat again with Zeltser on second, Stalker on first, and two outs in the bottom 6th, but this time flew out to Outram. Instead, Edgar Serrano took the decomposing Antonio Prieto deep to lead off the seventh inning, giving those damn Elks another 2-run lead. Crucially, the Raccoons’ chief rookie blight from the previous season, Dusty Mezzanotte, pinch-hit in the inning and replaced Caraballo on first base, then threw away Manny Fernandez’ potential double play grounder in the bottom of the inning, with the Coons now having the tying runs on with nobody out. Tony Morales picked up the slack and hit into that urgently-expected double play instead, and while Wallace walked, Travis Zitzner remained and would always remain an animated, otherwise dead garbage monster and grounded out to Serrano, stranding the tying runs on the corners. Nick Valdes helpfully pointed out that he had to hit the ball between the guys with the pink hats, and also added that he didn’t like those pink hats very much.

Neither did I, but those pink hats at least scored occasionally and the Raccoons very much didn’t. Tim Stalker reached in the eighth against Aaron Iten, was stranded, and in the ninth Jordan Calderon retired Ramos, Fernandez, and Wall in order to end the game. 3-1 Canadiens. Ramos 3-4, BB, 2B; Zeltser 1-2, 2 BB; Stalker 2-4;

That made Wednesday’s affair absolutely crucial. We could. Not. Lose. Another game. Especially not to THOSE guys!

Game 3
VAN: 2B Morrow – C Clemente – 1B Caraballo – RF Stephenson – CF Outram – 3B B. Gonzales – LF Korecky – SS L. Castillo – P Weeks
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – RF Pinkerton – 3B Marsingill – P Rendon

Also by Wednesday, Matt Nunley had given up all pretenses and just BBQ’ed in my office. Given the sub-standard ventilation opportunities – the big windows down to the playing field didn’t open up – this gave a sort of hazy atmosphere, but it sure smelled great! Even more delicious, the Raccoons carved up Josh Weeks like a pig roast for six runs in the opening inning, five of them earned. Ramos reached on a Luis Castillo error, and another seven Raccoons would follow him on base without being retired: Kurt Wall doubled. Wallace hit an RBI single. Fowler hit an RBI single. Zitzner, Stalker, and Preston Pinkerton all walked, shoving home two more runs. Justin Marsingill singled home a pair to make it 6-0, before the inning fizzled out with the 9-1-2 batters then being retired in a row. Now it was all about confiding in Gilberto Rendon’s ability to pitch an appreciable amount of innings without getting spliced up on a pike and gently turned over an open fire pit himself…

Jimmy Wallace made it 7-0 with a homer off Weeks in the bottom 2nd, giving him 18 on the year and tying the ailing Fowler for the team lead. In a major ballsy, and perhaps stupid move, the Raccoons took three of their core players off their legs after just four innings: Wallace to compensate for the lack of a day off even against the lefty, Fowler to preserve his neck, and Ramos for general conservation. Hooge, Malonado, and Triolo entered the game, in order. This was at a point where the damn Elks didn’t have as much as a base hit to their name and mossy antlers, and they wouldn’t get one any time soon. They were still H-less when Zitzner singled home Hooge with two outs in the sixth inning to run the score to 8-0. In the top of the seventh, Nick Valdes loudly asked whether we’d get bonus points if Rendon finished the game without allowing a hit, three second before Josh Stephenson hit a 2-out single to left. I tried to beat the owner to death with a sizable pig’s femur, but was held back by Slappy and Nunley. This was also on the 90th pitch for Rendon, so a no-hitter had been a stretch by then. His 91st pitch was hit over the fence by Outram, cutting the gap to 8-2. Rendon completed seven and two thirds and was lifted after reaching 100 pitches, which had long been established as his natural lifespan. Jesse LeJeune pinch-hit in the #9 hole at this point. Rookie Bob Thomson was sent out to meet him, and gave up a screaming liner to Pinkerton for the third out. Pinkerton got the RBI when the Coons cobbled together a run in the bottom 8th against southpaw Mike Haertl, while Thomson finished the game by retiring the 1-2-3 in order, closing with two strikeouts. 9-2 Critters! Wall 2-5, 2B; Wallace 2-2, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-3, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, BB, RBI; Stalker 1-2, 3 BB, RBI; Marsingill 3-5, 2 RBI; Rendon 7.2 IP, 2 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 9 K, W (12-7);

Game 4
VAN: 2B Morrow – 3B B. Gonzales – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – RF Stephenson – C Duryea – CF Pohl – SS E. Serrano – P J. Nelson
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Willes

The arm of Josh Stephenson in right was something to be fearful of, thus when Ramos and Fernandez were on second and first, respectively, and Wallace hit a 1-out single to right, Berto wasn’t sent for home plate – the risk was too big and we trusted Travis Zitzner to strike out rather than hit into a double play with the bases loaded. No double play occurred on his fly to deep right that kept stretching away from Stephenson until Stephenson bounced off the fence, which was unable to stop the baseball, though – GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

While an enthusiastic Nick Valdes still applauded the slam two innings later, a scheme developed where players would reach base, steal the next one, and then be stranded by their teammates. That happened to Maldonado in the second, Fernandez in the third, LeJeune in the fourth, and then Pat Pohl broke the streak in the fifth by stealing second and being plated by John Nelson with a 2-out double that made me slightly salty.

Of slight concern was the Raccoons’ lack of tack-on vigor. The score remained 4-1 through seven with the home team doing nary a thing to the point where Nelson completed seven innings after the early shelling. Willes and Ramos hit singles in the bottom 7th, but were left on the corners by Fernandez and Morales. Willes then returned to the mound after 96 pitches of 3-hit ball, but gave up a leadoff single to Edgar Serrano and an RBI double to Eric Morrow. Gonzales grounded out, bringing up LeJeune, who merited the appearance of a left-hander as the tying run that he represented. He fell to 2-2 against David Fernandez before grounding out, stranding Morrow at third base in a 4-2 game. Bottom 8th, Nelson was still around and gave up singles to Maldonado and Zeltser with two outs. Fowler pinch-hit again, this time for Tim Stalker, and cracked another liner to shallow left. This one fell again for an RBI single, bringing home a very welcome insurance run. Kurt Wall grounded out hitting for David Fernandez, setting up Ed Blair against the 4-5-6 batters. Caraballo fell to 1-2 before doubling to left leading off the inning. Blair then got two outs, which gave you that cozy feeling that it would all be alright, right up until Pat Pohl’s grounder hit Ramos in the wrist and bounced away for an error that invited the tying run to the plate in PH Will Korecky. And here, one had to remember that these were the damn Elks in town. Normal baseball rules did not apply. Even when he fell to 1-2, Korecky still had a 92% chance to homer the game tied, and he sure tried with a mighty swing – but missed the sinker and got punched out. 5-2 Furballs! Ramos 2-4; M. Fernandez 2-4; Zitzner 1-4, HR, 4 RBI; Maldonado 2-4; Fowler (PH) 1-1, RBI; Willes 7.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (11-10) and 1-3;

With that, the Raccoons had second place at least overnight, and were now 1 1/2 games behind the Titans, who had taken two out of three from the Arrowheads, and would now get to play the damn Elks as a reward. We got the Crusaders for the weekend, while the nest was emptying. Matt Nunley finally fit through the door again and went home, while Nick Valdes had a business opportunity involving the harvesting of a coral reef in Papua-New Guinea which he couldn’t possibly pass up.

It would just be the usual crew on the weekend.

And hopefully another series win.

Raccoons (69-70) vs. Crusaders (66-73) – September 7-9, 2035

Even with their measly record, the fourth-place Crusaders were not entirely out of it. They were 4.5 behind the Titans, which was doable this year and this year only in this wicked division. They were third in offense in the CL, but had also allowed the second-most runs with the worst rotation on the block. The Coons were still one short in the season series, for which the Crusaders had won 8 of 15 games.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (6-2, 2.23 ERA) vs. Keith Black (6-11, 3.84 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (9-10, 4.89 ERA) vs. Jamie O‘Leary (7-6, 4.28 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-8, 3.84 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (10-6, 4.27 ERA)

Right, left, right for their starters.

Game 1
NYC: LF Balado – C D. Phillips – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Monge – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – SS Schlegelmilch – CF Veraart – P Black
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – CF Hooge – P Livingston

Ed Hooge was thrown out at home plate when he tried to score from second base on Livingston’s single to center, Ronnie Veraart’s arm proving superior; Hooge had opened the bottom 3rd with a double and him getting axed down kept the game scoreless until the Raccoons found another double, that one off Rich Vickers’ bat with Zitz and Zelts aboard in the following inning. Both scored on the gapper, and put Livingston ahead 2-0. Through five, the weirdest sort of phenom held the Crusaders to the minimum despite allowing a single and a walk. Mario Hurtado had singled in the first, but had been caught stealing. Danny Monge walked in the fifth, but was doubled up. Amazingly, Livingston struck out no one, feeding groundball after groundball to Berto at short. He would K Veraart in the sixth, but also lost his shutout and the lead thanks to a leadoff walk to Ted Schlegelmilch, and then a 2-out homer by Jose Balado…

It took the Coons until the eighth to mount another subdued charge. Tony Morales drew a leadoff walk against the still-throwing Keith Black. Wallace legged out an infield single, bringing up Zitzner in a dicey spot. Anything but a double play, anything but a double play, anything – he hit into a double play. Zeltser grounded out to Mario Hurtado, stranding the go-ahead run on third base. Livingston got an out from PH Keith Damron in very, very deep center in the ninth, then was lifted for Chris Wise, two struck out Balado and Devin Phillips on his way out of the inning. Casey Moore would pitch to Portland in the bottom 9th, facing the bottom of the order. Vickers singled past Hurtado, Hooge doubled past Monge, but Vickers was held at third base against Vinny Chavira’s arm. Fowler was sent to bat for Wise, well knowing that the intentional walk would be on. Maldonado then ran for Fowler as the fastest thing on the bench, while Ramos batted with three on, none gone, and one required to walk off. Moore never found the strike zone again, and four pitches completed the deed as Berto drew the walkoff walk! 3-2 Critters!! Morales 0-1, 2 BB; Vickers 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Hooge 2-4, 2 2B; Livingston 8.1 IP, 2 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 2 K and 1-3;

The damn Elks routed the Titans, 11-0, which squeezed all three teams into a 1-game spread, with the Coons sat squat in the middle on their 3-game winning streak.

The Raccoons recalled Darren Brown by Saturday; he had missed two months with a herniated disc and had now seen action three times (two starts) in AAA, pitching decently all the time. Right now I had no clue how to weave him into the rotation again, but in any case he couldn’t go before Wednesday anyway.

Of course Bernie Chavez was a candidate to lose his spot in the rotation all the time…

Since no off day would come around that soon, the Raccoons would give Wallace and Ramos a day off on Saturday against O’Leary, who’d see an all-righty lineup.

Game 2
NYC: LF Balado – SS J. Johnson – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Chavira – 3B B. Moore – C D. Phillips – 1B J. Lopez – CF Veraart – P O’Leary
POR: 3B Marsingill – 2B Vickers – C Wall – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – LF Maldonado – RF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – P Chavez

Unaware of the tightening noose, Bernie Chavez remained abysmal. Bill Moore hit a solo shot in the second, John Johnson smacked a 2-out, 2-piece in the third. The latter was unearned since Veraart had reached base on a Vickers error, but that didn’t serve to excuse Chavez, who had been taken deep 23 times now on the year and showed no signs of not enjoying it. He *did* drive in the Coons’ first run with a groundout, finding Pinkerton and Stalker in scoring position to begin the bottom 3rd. Marsingill walked as the tying run, but Vickers flew out and Wall grounded out, keeping the team 3-1 behind. Then Bill Moore almost hit ANOTHER bomb, with Pinkerton picking it off the fence in the fourth inning…

The tying runs were stranded again in the fourth, when Stalker popped out foul with Maldonado and Pinkerton on base, and Marsingill was stranded after a 1-out single in the fifth. Bottom 6th, Fowler began with a K, but Zitzner walked and Maldonado doubled to left, putting the tying runs into scoring position with one down for Pinkerton. The Crusaders showed no signs of moving to a righty pitcher any time soon, probably knowing that there would be an immediate lefty answer by the Critters’ bench. Instead they watched on as O’Leary gave the lead away when Pinkerton clamped a single up the middle, allowing both runners to come around. Pinkerton was stranded, and the righty reliever didn’t appear until O’Leary walked Wall with two outs in the seventh, but then there was also no pinch-hitting for Fowler… maybe for Zitzner if he reached base! Tony Fuentes prevailed with a K, and the point was moot.

Top 8th, and there would have to be some talk to be had about this inning… Dusty Kulp had pitched the seventh and with more right-handers around in the Crusaders’ lineup remained in there. He rung up Angelino Velazquez, catching in the #9 hole, to begin the inning, then had Balado at 0-1 when the leftfielder popped a pitch up in foul ground. Zitzner was under it, waited, dropped it, and the batter got a new shot on the error. Kulp struck Balado’s hand with the very next pitch, breaking one of Balado’s fingers and ending his season. Hirofumi Saito pinch-ran for him, Danny Monge pinch-hit, and the Coons sent a new right-hander in Wise, who got a groundout from Monge, then rung up Hurtado. The Crusaders were still furious about their fallen comrade, and vowed revenge. Maybe *don’t* pinch-hit with Berto right now…

Zitzner flew out to begin the eighth before new shortstop Andy Hendrix fumbled Maldonado’s grounder for an error. Manny Fernandez batted for Pinkerton against Fuentes and singled, with Maldonado going on motion and reaching third base as the go-ahead run. Now Berto hit for Stalker and the Coons squeezed in the go-ahead run on his groundout. Jimmy Wallace batted for Wise, but grounded out, which brought Ed Blair into the game with a 4-3 lead. He faced 4-5-6; fly to Fernandez, grounder to Vickers, and a K to nail the coffin shut! 4-3 Critters!! Maldonado 2-4, 2B; Pinkerton 2-2, BB, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1;

And with this win came first place …! The Titans were spanked for 13 runs by the damn Elks, levelling both teams at 71-71, while the 71-70 Raccoons were the only team of winners in the division!

FIRST PLACE.

Can it be over now? Can it? Please? – No, Maud says the league insists on playing out the string. Aww!

Game 3
NYC: CF Veraart – SS J. Johnson – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Monge – 3B B. Moore – RF M. Porter – LF Damron – C D. Phillips – P Hicks
POR: SS Ramos – CF M. Fernandez – C Morales – LF Wallace – 1B Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – RF Salgado – P Sabre

Sabre’s first five pitches were taken for four singles by the Crusaders, plating one run and loading the bases for Moore, who grounded at Stalker for a run-scoring 4-6-3 double play. Matt Porter’s groundout ended the inning, but the early 2-0 deficit was not encouraging when only a win could keep the Critters in first place through Sunday. Ramos doubled and Tony Morales homered in the bottom 1st to tie the game, but Sabre effortlessly served up a bomb to the .139 hitting menace Devin Phillips to fall 3-2 behind instead. New York got another run out of a walk to Hurtado, a wild pitch, a balk, and Moore’s single in the third inning as Sabre gave Chavez a run for his money when it came to getting bopped from the rotation…

Bottom 3rd, Wallace doubled home Manny Fernandez with one out after the latter’s leadoff walk against Hicks. Neither pitcher fooled anybody and a bullpen party could break out at any time now. And then it didn’t happen. The Coons stranded Wallace, and the middle innings saw three base runners in total between both teams and neither one scored a run. Sabre lasted seven, out of the blue, then was hit for after a leadoff walk drawn by Hugo Salgado in the bottom of the seventh inning. Ed Hooge forced out Salgado at second, which came back to bit the Coons when Fernandez hit a 2-out single. Morales grounded out to Danny Monge, stranding them on the corners. The Coons couldn’t find the tying run, but the Crusaders found an insurance run, with Keith Damron drawing a leadoff walk off Citriniti in the ninth, then scoring on two singles that came off Steve Gowan. That set up Mike High (the Coons rule 5 pick that wasn’t) against the bottom of the order with a 2-run edge in the ninth. Stalker flew out, but Salgado singled. Blindly the Coons went to Fowler to pinch-hit as the tying run. He hit the first pitch up the middle, Johnson picked it, to Johnny Lopez, to Monge – ballgame. 5-3 Crusaders. Salgado 2-3, BB;

In other news

September 5 – MIL 3B Josh Conner (.246, 20 HR, 75 RBI) has a hand in the Loggers’ 10-0 rout of the Crusaders, hitting three home runs for half the team’s runs. He joins Edgardo Garza (1987) and Chris LeMoine (2020) in 3-homer performances as a Logger.
September 5 – The Warriors would be without 2B/SS Mario Colon (.273, 17 HR, 78 RBI) for two weeks. The 28-year-old was out with an oblique strain.
September 6 – Season over for Miners star 1B Danny Santillano (.291, 26 HR, 76 RBI), who hits the DL with a broken foot.
September 6 – Cincinnati utility Kyle Lusk (.253, 8 HR, 53 RBI) hits a home run for the only score in the Cyclones’ 1-0 win over the Rebels.
September 6 – The Stars beat the Scorpions, 10-3. Both teams score all their respective runs in the same inning; Sacramento puts up three in the first, and Dallas routs them for ten in the eighth.
September 9 – Surgery to repair the UCL of VAN SP Felipe Delgado (4-3, 3.72 ERA) has failed and the 33-year-old right-hander has to announce his retirement. Delgado, who pitched for three teams, went 48-62 with a 3.93 ERA in his career.

Complaints and stuff

The Titans’ salvaging of the Sunday game against the damn Elks kept Boston in first place through Sunday after the Critters had dwelled there for less than 24 hours. Oh well, you can’t expect to go 6-1 all the time. 5-2 was pretty splendid, too…! Now it will be about keeping up the baseball gods’ good work. We have to keep scratching – the Indians will be in town for four starting on Monday, and then it’s off to Oklahoma City on the weekend.

Somehow, STILL all teams in the North fit under a blanket not even seven games wide, although it’s fair to say the door for the bottom half of the division is almost shut.

BOS (72-71) – POR (4), CHA (3), IND (3), MIL (3), NYC (3), TIJ (3) – .484 – 45.0% (-3.9%)
POR (71-71) – BOS (4), IND (4), MIL (3), OCT (3), SFB (3), VAN (3) – .503 – 37.3% (+18.5%)
VAN (71-72) – NYC (4), IND (3), MIL (3), OCT (3), POR (3), SFB (3) – .499 – 15.8% (-12.2%)
NYC (67-75) – IND (4), VAN (4), BOS (3), CHA (3), MIL (3), TIJ (3) – .487 – 1.7% (-1.3%)
MIL (66-78) – ATL (3), BOS (3), NYC (3), POR (3), LVA (3), VAN (3) – .482 – 0.0% (-0.2%)
IND (65-77) – NYC (4), POR (4), ATL (3), BOS (3), LVA (3), VAN (3) – .483 – 0.2% (-0.6%)

Wednesday’s rout behind Gilberto Rendon was the 4,900th regular season victory for the Raccoons. We became the sixth ABL team to reach that mark. Only the Titans and Warriors have already broken through the 5,000 mark. At the tail end? The Loggers and Aces, both just short of 4,500.

Friday’s win put the Coons at 70-70, .500 for the first time since they were 24-24 on May 27, right before entering a 1-10 spill that set the stage for a depressed summer. They’d win the next four, lose three, and didn’t win as much as consecutive games more than twice from there until the All Star Game. If this ruckus of a season ends with a playoff appearance, we need this turned into a ****ing movie…!

Fun Fact: If the Raccoons won the division this year, they would already have to win out their remaining games to even match their previous worst first-place record.

That was a 91-71 performance in 1993. Oh well, it led us to part three of the Caps trifecta and the second straight title alright, didn’t it?

[Westheim]

Raccoons (71-71) vs. Indians (65-77) – September 10-13, 2035

Half a game out of first, the Raccoons got the last-place Indians, who funnily enough (or miserably enough) had yet to be decisively eliminated from postseason contention despite being only five losses removed from a sub-.500 season. The season series was even at seven. Indy was in the bottom four in runs scored and had surrendered the most runs in the CL.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (12-7, 2.96 ERA) vs. Josh Walsh (12-9, 2.97 ERA)
Colt Willes (11-10, 3.62 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (7-15, 5.20 ERA)
Josh Livingston (6-2, 2.22 ERA) vs. Mike Burris (5-8, 3.38 ERA)
Darren Brown (3-2, 3.64 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (10-13, 4.76 ERA)

As before, Terwilliger was their only southpaw. We could also see Andy Bressner (12-10, 4.41 ERA), who was day-to-day with an oblique issue.

Justin Fowler STILL had a cranky neck and was not ready to get back into the lineup full time…

Game 1
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – 1B I. Pena – C J. Herrera – SS Benito – P J. Walsh
POR: SS Ramos – CF M. Fernandez – C Morales – LF Wallace – 1B Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – RF Hooge – P Rendon

Josh Garbinski doubled home Dan Schneller for a quick Indians run in the top of the first, but the Raccoons got the tying run on a wild pitch in the second inning when Walsh missed the target with Jimmy Wallace on third base and two outs. Berto and Wallace hit leadoff singles in the first and second, respectively, Maldonado even added another one in the latter inning, and then both efforts were largely ruined by a double play grounder. Portland only took the lead in the fourth when Bob Zeltser ripped a big 2-out, 2-run triple, scoring Fernandez and Wallace with a ball into the rightfield corner. Both teams left runners on the corners in the fifth, with Schneller striking out for Indy while Morales popped out to Hutson with Berto and Fernandez on the corners, and while I was pacing nervously up and down in front of the big window.

Reasons for that were plenty, because the Indians could all too easily play spoilers, Rendon was not overly dominant and missed a lot of locations and ran up his pitch count, and the Raccoons in general seemed to have not the best standing with the baseball gods, and wouldn’t you know it, Rendon missed a couple of locations in the sixth and Hutson and Ivan Pena hit back-to-back 2-out homers to tie the game at three. Bottom 6th, Wallace and Maldonado led off with singles to crowd Walsh. Bob Zeltser hit another soft looper to shallow right that dropped. Wallace initially turned third base before hitting the deck when he noticed the desperate screams of the third base coach – the ball was already arriving at home plate on a marvelous throw by the old man of the mountain, Pablo Sanchez. Tim Stalker thus had three on with no outs, poked a 1-2 into play at Juan Benito, who elected the costly out rather than getting two, and Wallace was cut down easily at the plate. The bags remained full and the Coons would get the lead back on Ed Hooge’s fly to center. The ball kept stretching away from John Baron and fell for a bases-clearing double on the warning track, at once making the Coons 6-3 leaders! Both pitchers were removed from the game here, with Shane Jacobs replacing Walsh, while Travis Zitzner hit for Rendon and flew out to Baron. Berto grounded out, stranding Hooge.

While Dennis Citriniti and Mauricio Garavito held the Indians at bay in the next two innings, getting four and two outs, respectively, the Raccoons unloaded on the Indians’ pen in the bottom 8th, sullying principally Jacobs and Mitch Guenther with another six runs. Maldonado and Zeltser started the inning with base hits, and it quickly spiralled out of control from there. The drumming was notable for no fewer than three Raccoons pinch-hitters drawing bases-loaded walks in their plate appearances in this inning. The result was a 9-run lead that even Nick Bates couldn’t decisively blow in the ninth inning. 12-3 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4, BB, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4; Pinkerton (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI; Scheffer (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI; Wallace 2-4, BB; Maldonado 4-5, RBI; Zeltser 3-4, 3B, 2B, 2 RBI; Vickers (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI;

We tied the idle Titans with this win, while the Elks stayed half a game out with a 6-5 win over the Crusaders. Boston and the Loggers would go at each other starting on Tuesday.

Game 2
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – 1B I. Pena – C J. Herrera – SS Benito – P Kretzmann
POR: SS Ramos – CF M. Fernandez – C K. Wall – LF Wallace – 1B Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – RF Hooge – P Willes

Those meaningless runs from the eighth inning had better been saved for Tuesday. The Raccoons had Ramos and Fernandez in scoring position with nobody out in the first inning, grounded out persistently to the right side as they refused to score them, and then lined up a string of zeroes following on that disaster while Juan Herrera singled home Hutson in the top 2nd to give Indy a lead. They made it 2-0 in the fifth, an unearned run after Stalker spiked a throw on Sanchez’ 2-out groundball. Instead of the inning ending, the Indians had Benito and Sanchez on the corners now, and sure as heck Dan Schneller found a hole for another 2-out RBI single. John Baron then flew out to Hooge.

Garbinski and Hutson hit singles over Tim Stalker to begin the sixth inning. Ivan Pena lined to center, Manny Fernandez made the running catch, and Garbinski absolutely misread that one, taking off in an attempt to score and being doubled off, 8-5. Herrera grounded out to end the inning, and how about a good 4-run rally to show them, boys!? No such thing occurred, although Tim Stalker hit a solo jack to finally break up Kretzmann’s shutout, and Hooge doubled before Fowler struck out in Willes’ spot to end the bottom 6th. Prieto, Thomson, and Kulp stitched together a scoreless top 7th before Kretzmann walked Berto to begin the bottom of the inning. Manny singled, becoming the go-ahead run on base. Kurt Wall lined a pitch to left, Hutson lunged and missed it by an arm’s length, and the ball fell for a single. Berto ignited the afterburners around third base and arrived well ahead of Garbinski’s throw, tying the game at two! And then Wallace hit into a double play and Maldonado also grounded out to Schneller…

Top 8th, Kulp allowed a single to Baron, David Fernandez walked Hutson, but Chris Wise got out of the inning; good thing the rosters were enlarged, because the Raccoons were getting hardly one out per reliever in this game… With Juan Melendrez into the game in the bottom 8th, the Raccoons tried to be cute; Justin Marsingill batted for Zeltser and walked. Stalker was supposed to bunt him over, but popped right into a double play. In turn, Wise walked Herrera to begin the top 9th. Mike Plunkett bunted as pinch-hitter, Wise pounced and went to second – safe – and Berto tossed to first in despair – safe. Oh, baseball! Never change! (shakes first skywards for no reason) Luis Leija then actually did hit into a 6-4-3 double play and Wise escaped with a K, allowing the Raccoons to walk off with but one run off righty Ramiro Benavides. No such thing occurred, with Zitzner pinch-hitting for a weak groundout. Berto singled and stole second, but Fernandez flew out easily, Wall was walked, and Wallace grounded out to Schneller, sending the game to extras, where Ed Blair pitched two scoreless innings. Zitzner then led off the 11th with a single off Tim Thweatt. Matt Triolo ran for him, who was off in a hit-and-run where Berto took aim and missed. Fortunately, Herrera’s throw arrived late, and Triolo got his first career stolen base and was now 180 feet away from scoring a walkoff. It was 90 after Berto singled to left. He held on Fernandez’ grounder to Hutson, while Berto moved up. Kurt Wall was walked intentionally. Wallace was no longer in the game, having been removed in a double switch, so there was a closer to bat for in the #4 hole with three on and one out. The Critters went for speed all around – Salgado ran for Wall, while Pinkerton would pinch-hit with his knack for walking, but the only three he reached was strike three, and Maldonado popped out, extending the game into the 12th.

At this point, the Raccoons faced an all-righty lineup and had gone through all their good right-handers, and those that remained (Citriniti, Bates) had both pitched on Monday, the former even for two days in a row. Bates ended up being sent against the top of the order, hit Schneller, walked J.J. Henley, and somehow survived when Hutson grounded out to Stalker. That was 24 awful pitches, and it also precluded Bates from a second inning given his endurance that would put a fruit fly to shame. Steve Gowan was the last hurler that hadn’t pitched at least two days in a row (or a starter) and was out for the 13th. He walked Jose Jaramillo, leading off. Plunkett hit a 1-out single. PH Jeremy Bainer flew out to deep center. Four balls to Joe DiGiacomo in the #1 hole, another four to Schneller in a full count to force home the probably winning run. Baron then grounded out to Stalker, stranding three, but the damage was done. The Coons waltzed up the top of their order against left-hander Mitch Guenther, who they had sexually violated in the eighth inning with the useless 6-spot the day before. One run here would be dandy. Two would be better. Ramos grounded out. Fernandez singled. Salgado whiffed. Rich Vickers batted for the useless **** Gowan, fell to 1-2, and singled to center, moving Manny to second base. Jesus Maldonado was next, 1-for-6 on the day, but the question was no longer about pinch-hitting for anybody – the Raccoons only had Philip Scheffer left on the bench; everybody else had been used. Guenther fell to 3-1 against Maldonado, who then poked. Standing next to an unsuspecting Cristiano Carmona at the big window overlooking the field, I shrieked then jumped into his arms and, well, lap, for comfort as Maldonado hit a grounder sharply up the leftfield line. Hutson lunged, missed it, fair ball, up the line it goes! Fernandez around to score, here comes Vickers, throw by Mike Plunkett, relay, Vickers to the plate, slides, and – SAFE!! SAFE!! WALKOFF DOUBLE FOR MALDONADO!!! 4-3 Blighters! Ramos 3-6, BB; M. Fernandez 2-6, BB; Wall 1-3, 3 BB, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Maldonado 2-7, 2B, 2 RBI; Willes 6.0 IP, 8 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 4 K; Wise 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K; Blair 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

MALDONADO!! Normally 2-7 doesn’t merit being rapported, but if it’s a 2-out come-from-behind walkoff 2-7, it does! … Say, Cristiano, is this wheelchair certified for two people? – No? – Then I … Then I will perhaps get off again.

The damn Elks won, but Boston lost, thus moving the Raccoons into sole possession of first place, half a game ahead of the damn Elks…!

Game 3
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – 1B I. Pena – C Ebner – SS Benito – P Burris
POR: SS Ramos – LF Maldonado – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – P Livingston

Justin Fowler was finally back in the lineup on an everyday basis and immediately didn’t make much of an impact. Now, for Livingston it was much the opposite – he made considerable impact on the windscreen of the Indians’ bus. After three calm, almost boring innings to begin the scoreless affair, Livingston retired Baron and Garbinski to begin the fourth before taking baseball bats to both knees. The Arrowheads rapped off no fewer than SIX straight two out hits, five singles and a double by – of course! – the pitcher Burris, who plated two with his effort. Five runs scored in that inning from hell. The Coons made up two in the bottom 4th when Travis Zitzner hit an RBI triple and scored on a passed ball, but Ivan Pena but a sixth and final run on Livingston with a 2-out RBI double in the top of the fifth.

Bottom 5th, Fernandez reached base with a leadoff single, after which little happened until Zitzner singled with two outs. Bob Zeltser hit an RBI single. Rich Vickers hit an RBI single off Mitch Brothers, with Burris yanked in a 6-3 game. Jimmy Wallace batted and walked in place of Livingston, and Berto squeezed out another walk in a full count, narrowing the score to 6-5 before Maldonado grounded out to Schneller. Oh well, he’s a rookie, he can’t win every game…! While the Raccoons had to ask Bob Thomson for length out of the pen and somehow didn’t immediately get forcefully disbanded for it, the Raccoons encroached on Jon Lane with two outs in the bottom 6th. Morales singled. Zitzner singled, Zeltser shot an 0-2 pitch through Hutson for extra bases! Morales scored! … and Zitzner was thrown out doing the same, ending the sixth at six-all.

The next two innings brought nothing good for the Raccoons, who only put Vickers on with a leadoff single in the seventh, and Ed Hooge immediately 4-6-3’ed him off. Worse, the top 9th began with Garavito leaking singles to Sam Wall and Pablo Sanchez, the latter of the infield variety, before Chris Wise allowed another infield single to Schneller. Three on, no outs. Baron didn’t go down after falling to 2-2, instead plating a run with a grounder, but at least Garbinski popped out. Hutson went down on strikes, but the Raccoons still had to come back from 7-6 down against Thweatt now. Morales flew out to left. Zitzner grounded out to Schneller. Zeltser hit a ball to deep center. Oh, that one looks – GONE!! Game-tying homer by Bob Zeltser, and we’re all even at seven! Thweatt walked Vickers, but Stalker grounded out as pinch-hitter, sending another game to extras. David Fernandez was the only rested pitcher and retired the Indians on seven pitches, bringing the top of the order into play for the bottom 10th, still against Thweatt. The 1-2-3 went down 1-2-3, but Fowler would lead off the bottom 11th still in a tied game after a second no-nonsense inning from Fernandez, but the slugger grounded out against southpaw Ramiro Benavides. Morales singled to left, Zitzner walked – at this point, Marsingill ran for the catcher while Kurt Wall would hit for Zeltser. The pinch-runner turned out to be a fancy, but unnecessary move. At 2-1, Benavides tossed Wall a fastball that came dead straight. Wall hit it all the way to Washington state. 10-7 Raccoons!! M. Fernandez 2-6, 2B; Morales 3-6, 2B; Zitzner 3-5, BB, 3B, 2 RBI; Zeltser 3-4, BB, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1, HR, 3 RBI; Vickers 2-2, 3 BB, RBI; Thomson 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (4-2);

Boston won, 3-1, and the damn Elks lost, 6-1. Our lead thus grew to a full game.

Can we get a sweep? The Indians had Bressner ready, but figured turning around the Coons’ batting order wouldn’t be such a bad idea after 26 runs in three games. Now, we still had no off day anywhere near us. Our *only* off day of the month would be next Thursday. Sprinkling a few more rest days around to key players probably wasn’t the worst move, but we also expected another southpaw opponent on Sunday. Excluding the returning Darren Brown, the lowest batting average in Sunday’s lineup was .261 (Zitzner).

Game 4
IND: RF P. Sanchez – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 3B Hutson – 1B I. Pena – C J. Herrera – SS Benito – P Terwilliger
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – C K. Wall – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – LF Maldonado – RF Pinkerton – 3B Marsingill – P Brown

Again, the first three innings were rather dull, one hit for Indy, two for us, no real scoring going on. Then came the top 4th and for a while it looked like Darren Brown would give the Critters another big hole to dig out of. Pablo Sanchez singled to left to lead off. Schneller doubled to right, placing two in scoring position, but at least we got forces everywhere when Brown nailed Baron. Three on, nobody out, Garbinski hit a comebacker that Brown from his bottocks whipped over to Kurt Wall, who made the swipe with his hindpaw on home plate, forcing out Sanchez, and then Hutson hit into a double play to end the inning. Pena hit a leadoff single in the fifth, then was doubled off by the lead-footed Herrera. The Coons had Brown hit a 1-out single in the bottom 5th, Berto walked, but the inning ended on groundouts…

Still no score, until vaunted slugger Preston Pinkerton dropped a bloop single into shallow right-center with Fowler on second and Maldonado on first in the bottom of the sixth. Fowler had a great read and scored just in time, breaking the ice in this series finale. Marsingill then found a gap RBI double on a 1-2 pitch as the Raccoons finally started to roll Terwilliger the homonymous curves on I-5. Now – the scrappy pair with the once-in-a-lifetime names was in scoring position with one out and Darren Brown at the plate. More offense would be GREAT but the pen was creaking and Brown was on only 74 pitches AND we had an out to waste to get Berto up. Brown stayed in, made a poor out in front of home plate, and now it was Berto with two outs. 2-0 pitch in a 2-0 game, slapped to left and past a diving Benito, and the Raccoons added two more to the scoreboard! Vickers rolled out to Pena, ending the inning, but Darren Brown now had a 4-0 lead and would hopefully get another inning or two done with.

Or maybe not? Baron and Garbinski slapped singles off him to begin the seventh. Hutson hit into a double play (the fourth straight inning for the Coons to wrap up a pair of Indians), but Baron scored from third base. Pena lined out to Pinkerton, ending the inning. Bottom of the inning, Shane Jacobs was back, but Fowler on, then served up a bomb to Zitzner, 6-1. That was the final mark; Brown got two more outs before losing cohesion and the strike zone and was lifted for Steve Gowan, who retired another four Indians without blowing a 5-run lead. 6-1 Raccoons! Ramos 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-3, BB; Marsingill 2-4, 2B, RBI; Brown 7.2 IP, 7 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (4-2) and 1-3;

For the third straight day, positions behind the Coons changed as the Titans lost their series and the Elks took a third game from the Crusaders.

This put the Coons 1 1/2 ahead of the damn Elks, and two ahead of the Titans. With about 15 to 16 games left in the season and everybody else at least seven behind, the six-horse race was over for good. It was now between these three teams at the top.

Raccoons (75-71) @ Thunder (72-73) – September 14-16, 2035

The Thunder had a magic number of two, but 15 1/2 behind the Bayhawks it wasn’t like they were a serious contender anymore. They had the most potent offense in the CL, but they were also in a bit of a rut, having lost NINE straight games to crash out of relative contention. Their pitching had dropped to eighth in the CL, but they still had a +14 run differential (Coons: +63). We led the season series, 4-2.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (9-10, 4.76 ERA) vs. Ignacio del Rio (10-12, 4.59 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-9, 3.91 ERA) vs. Steve Bailey (6-3, 2.58 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (13-7, 3.01 ERA) vs. Miguel Bojorques (10-10, 4.12 ERA)

The Thunder had been rained out on Thursday, which meant that we now only expected right-handers in this series, with left-handed pitcher Joe Robinson (13-10, 3.75 ERA) pushed back to Monday.

The Thunder had significant injuries, missing Paul Peters as well as a host of outfielders including Lorenzo Celaya, Drew Olszewski, and a day-to-day Luis Sagredo who had a sore groin. Yeah, yeah, groin problems, nothing new for us. (glances at Fowler)

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – P Chavez
OCT: SS C. Miller – 3B Becker – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – LF S. Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – CF Riffer – P del Rio

Despite my express desire that the Raccoons would tear del Rio a new one, pronto, they amounted to one hit and 40 pitches by the opposing tosser through four innings. Bernie Chavez didn’t throw that many more pitches, but also got into express trouble by the bottom 4th. Sharply hit singles put Thierry Becker and Mike Burgess on the corners, and while the sore-groined Sagredo popped out, Steve Cutler cracked an RBI single to right for the first run of the game. Alfredo Rojas’ hard RBI double made it 2-0, and the Coons bailed out with an intentional walk to Ben Riffer, after which Chavez rung up del Rio to strand three.

Perversely, when the Coons got their second hit off del Rio, it was Bernie Chavez poking a single to begin the sixth, and right away Berto doubled him off. Fernandez and Wallace followed up with a walk and double, respectively, but Fowler stranded them in scoring position by striking out. He had lost his clutch and we were doomed for it – Bernie Chavez remained 2-0 behind for all of his seven innings while del Rio just kept clicking off Critters. Vickers lined out to begin the eighth. Wall walked in the pitcher’s spot. And Berto hit into another double play. Berto!? Why!!??

Now, when the ninth rolled around the Thunder stuck to del Rio. Come on, boys! KILL HIM!! Fernandez flew out to center. Wallace flew out to center. Fowler flew to center, but the ball fell in. That pitted Tony Morales against del Rio. When he struck out, del Rio had a 4-hit shutout. 2-0 Thunder.

(has a thin stream of blood run from one corner of his mouth)

The Elks got brutalized for 14 by the Baybirds and remained 1 1/2 behind, but the Titans won 11-5 over the Falcons and again were only one game back.

Game 2
POR: C Wall – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – SS Triolo – P Sabre
OCT: SS C. Miller – 3B Becker – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – LF S. Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – CF Quirk – P S. Bailey

Leadoff walk to Miller, and a 2-out Burgess single in the first put the Coons in another 1-0 hole. Matt Triolo had his first career hit in the second inning, hitting a 2-out single that was entirely wasted when Sabre popped out. The Raccoons did NOTHING for the second day in a row while their pitcher was mediocre at best. Chris Miller hit a single in the bottom 3rd before Zeltser threw away a Becker grounder that put two in scoring position with one out. And while a sac fly in this spot wasn’t the worst of outcomes with Danny Cruz (.265, 30 HR, 86 RBI) batting, Cruz was four feet short of a 3-run homer.

In their 13th inning in Oklahoma, the Raccoons finally scored, barely. Fowler led off the fourth with a single, then advanced on two groundouts. Stalker’s grounder to left was tipped by Miller, but he couldn’t contain it and it rolled away for an RBI single. When Triolo drew a walk there was considerable temptation to bat for Sabre, but we didn’t and he flew out to Anthony Quirk. With aches and pains and two outs the Coons tied the game the following inning; Manny walked, advanced on a grounder to short that could maybe have been two, and then scored on Fowler’s single. Zitz walked, but Zelts lined out to Miller to strand two in the 2-2 game. All the effort was for naught after Miller legged out an infield single and Becker homered in the bottom of the inning, giving the Thunder a new 4-2 lead. Danny Cruz singled after that and Sabre was yanked after Burgess’ groundout. Gowan retired the left-handed Sagredo to end the fifth.

Both teams were in their pen by the sixth, and the Coons faced right-hander Marcos Ochoa in the seventh. Manny dropped a leadoff single, which brought up the middle of the order as the tying runs. Wallace placed a single in front of Sagredo on the first pitch he saw, and here was the spot for Fowler to pounce. He had ONE home run in SIX weeks, and though hampered by injuries, that was not an acceptable rate. All would be forgiven if he one out here! He popped out. Ochoa walked Zitzner on four pitches, loading the sacks for Zeltser, who struck out. Stalker fouled out. The Raccoons were divined to lose this one, and I was divined to find the nearest cattle ranch and tease the biggest bull until he’d gore me with his horns, to-night!

The eighth began with a single to left by Triolo against Ochoa, who also allowed a single to Berto, who hit for Dusty Kulp. The tying runs were on again with nobody out for the top of the order, with new right-hander Sean Bastone into the game. Kurt Wall flew out to center, and Manny Fernandez hit into a double play. Always stay classy, boys… The ninth, still down 4-2, David Gerow facing the middle of the order. The road team, which was already out-hitting the home team by 100%, got their 13th hit against the Thunder’s six with Wallace’s soft leadoff single. Then Fowler grounded out to first. Zitzner grounded out to first. And Zeltser grounded out to first. 4-2 Thunder. Wallace 3-5; Fowler 2-5, RBI; Stalker 2-4, RBI; Triolo 2-3, BB; Maldonado (PH) 1-1; Ramos (PH) 1-1;

13 singles, 13 left on base. Kurt Wall’s day as leadoff man: 0-for-5 with 3 K. I think we’re going back to Berto.

Consolation price: the competition brought home losses as well. The damn Elks lost by one to San Fran, and the Titans by as much to Charlotte. We would finish the week at least in a tie for first.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Rendon
OCT: SS C. Miller – 2B Dean – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – LF S. Cutler – 3B A. Rojas – CF Riffer – P Guyett

Old familiar Chris Guyett (1-4, 3.95 ERA) took the mound, having spent most of the season rehabbing a partially torn labrum. The Coons greeted him roughly with Wallace’s 2-run homer in the first. It could have been three if Manny Fernandez hadn’t forced out Berto… Fowler singled, but was left stranded, and Luis Sagredo’s 27th homer cut the lead in half in the bottom 2nd, and with Portland doing zip to tack on, the Thunder busied themselves getting to a not-unhittable Rendon with two singles by Burgess and Sagredo in the fourth, putting them on the corners and allowing them to tie the game on Rojas’ sac fly.

Stalker singled with one out in the fifth and was bunted over. Berto activated his single-slapping skills and hit one into no man’s land. With two gone, Stalker scored easily from second base, and so did Berto after swiping it once Manny Fernandez singled to left. Guyett tried to hang in there, but Wallace ripped a single in a 1-2 count and Guyett didn’t get that far before Fowler buried a ball in the gap for a 2-out, 2-run double, putting Portland up 6-2. Morales then struck out. Rendon was done after six, having expended 100 sometimes laborious pitches, stranding runners on the corners with a full-count K to Ben Riffer in his final inning. And after that, all looked well. Neither team scored into the bottom 9th, with Garavito logging an out (and his fourth in the game) against Rojas before Riffer singled. Wise came on, but walked Dan Dalton, which made this a save opportunity, so the Coons went mechanically to Ed Blair against the top of the order with the business already on the bases. It only got worse on Chris Miller’s RBI double. Left-handed .123 batter Liam Riley pinch-hit in the #2 spot, but those .123 hitters were the most dangerous ones, AND he was the tying run. Riley grounded out, a run scored, but that run didn’t matter. The one at the plate mattered. With two outs, the Thunder carried up the big guns: Cruz (30 HR), Burgess (24), and Sagredo (27). Switch, right, left. Blair remained in there – no point in walking one over the other either. They could all end the Coons. Instead, Blair ended Cruz with a strikeout on five pitches. 6-4 Critters. Wallace 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Fowler 3-4, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-3, BB; Hooge (PH) 1-1; Rendon 6.0 IP, 8 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (14-7);

The Elks won, but Boston didn’t – the Coons finished the week 1 1/2 ahead in the North …!

In other news

September 12 – LAP SP Dave Christiansen (11-9, 3.24 ERA) 2-hits the Scorpions in a 2-0 shutout win.
September 12 – Backup catcher Bryant Raymond (.193, 6 HR, 21 RBI) walks off the Miners with a come-from-behind grand slam off TOP CL Chris Myers (6-7, 4.11 ERA, 24 SV). Pittsburgh had been shut out up to that point, but gets away with a 4-2 win.
September 13 – DAL 2B/SS Hugo Acosta (.345, 0 HR, 23 RBI) is out for the season. The 21-year-old is down with an oblique strain.

Complaints and stuff

The Bayhawks are due on Monday. They have 90 wins. They could easily ruin our season either right this week OR in the LCS. With them coming up it’s not all impossible that the division winner in the North might not have a winning record after all…

By the way, even getting into our modest position, three games over .500 required six weeks of sustained .731 ball (30-11). Do the boys have enough for two more weeks like that, and if they *do*, will they have any air left in the playoffs?

PLAYOFFS. Who thought of playoffs after that dismal double-header ****show in Indy and 46-62??

POR (76-73) – BOS (4), MIL (3), SFB (3), VAN (3) – .512 – 65.2% (+27.9%)
VAN (75-75) – IND (3), MIL (3), OCT (3), POR (3) – .477 – 17.4% (+1.6%)
BOS (74-75) – POR (4), IND (3), NYC (3), TIJ (3) – .504 – 17.3% (-27.7%)

We’ll have the Titans and Elks at home in the final week. Wouldn’t it be nice to clinch with a walkoff homer on the ****ing Elks? (grins diabolically)

M-Maybe not on Sunday. Maybe do it on Friday!

And one more maddening thought after a tense week with some extra innings and some irking losses: if the field was set by expected win-loss record, we’d be three ahead of Boston, and five ahead of the damn Elks.

Fun Fact: 39 years ago today, the Scorpions’ Jared O’Molony and Martin Horn both landed six base hits in a 20-0 rout of the Cyclones.

Nothing comparable has happened since.

[DD Martin]

Now where did I put that sports book ticket that I had on the Raccoons? I know I wanted to tear it up in early June, but I know it’s here somewhere. I bet it’s in my trench coat but where is it? (Screaming to my wife) Amy where is my trench coat? .....What you sent it to the dry cleaners......Nooooooooo, hurry which one....maybe I can still get it.

BTW - what a rally

[Westheim]

Raccoons (76-73) @ Bayhawks (90-59) – September 17-19, 2035

Entering the Bayside, the feel of impending doom was palpable. The Bayhawks were leading the CL South, had the Condors right on their wingtips, and needed the wins, never mind that we needed the wins too, and had two teams on our striped tails; one that one won ENOUGH in recent times, and one that I wasn’t allowing into the playoffs unless over my dead body. We were up 4-2 on the season series against the CL’s #3 offense and #4 pitching, and winning another two would be *awesome*. However, their run differential (+38) was *less* than the Coons’ (+61), which hopefully didn’t give the boys a false sense of confidence. (peeks around the corner and sees a bunch of them completely busy munching) It probably won’t.

Projected matchups:
Colt Willes (11-10, 3.56 ERA) vs. Jose Lerma (15-3, 3.56 ERA)
Josh Livingston (6-2, 2.59 ERA) vs. Ben Lipsky (8-8, 4.77 ERA)
Darren Brown (4-2, 3.29 ERA) vs. Matt Huf (16-11, 3.48 ERA)

Lerma was the only southpaw to go around. San Fran had one player on the DL, missing second baseman Jose Cruz.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – C Wall – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – LF Maldonado – 3B Marsingill – RF Salgado – P Willes
SFB: 2B K. Elder – 3B D. Myers – RF Levis – SS A. Castillo – LF Hawthorne – C Umanzor – 1B Uliasz – CF Zollinger – P Lerma

Dave Myers’ sac fly gave the Bayhawks the lead in the third inning, scoring Walter Zollinger from third base. Kenny Elder was stranded on first when Doug Levis struck out. The Coons had but one base hit at that point, a Vickers single in the first. When they got their second hit it was Vickers again, doubling to right leading off the fourth. Two groundouts later he was across home plate to tie the game, with Justin Fowler notching his 97th RBI.

Through six, the Raccoons remained hitless – Rich Vickers aside. Through the sixth, he was 3-for-3, and everybody else was 0-for-oh-god. And nothing much happened after that, except for a long drive by Levis that Salgado picked off the fence in deep right in the sixth. Willes got a no-decision for seven innings of 3-hit ball of his own, and Myers doubled off Chris Wise in the eighth, but was stranded. Now, the good news was that Vickers would come to the plate against southpaw Eric Fox in the ninth inning… but he flew out to deep center, and the Coons went 1-2-3. Prieto’s scoreless bottom 9th sent the game to extras, where after 9.2 innings of futility somebody other than Rich Vickers actually reached ****ing base! It was the rookie Maldonado, banging a double off the fence in left-center. The Coons had to pounce now – Jimmy Wallace hit for Marsingill although Fox was still pitching, and crammed a single past the defenders on the right side. Maldonado scored, and the tie was broken. Now Ed Blair just had to outlast the 8-9-1 batters in the bottom 10th! …aaaand he walked Zollinger to lead off. The Baybirds bunted him over, and then Jaden Pridgeon hit an RBI single over Vickers in the #1 slot. Myers singled, Pridgeon to third, late throw, and the trailing runner moved up – and that one cost the game. Without a force on second base, Vickers had to come home on Levis’ grounder to him, and couldn’t do so in time; Pridgeon scored, and the Raccoons took a bitter loss. 3-2 Bayhawks. Vickers 3-4; Wallace (PH) 1-1, RBI; Willes 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K;

It’s a bit late in the season to make experiments, but Ed Blair (1-7, 8 BS) can expect to be buried in a ravine in eastern Oregon once the season is over.

The Titans won against the Condors, 1-0. The Elks had Monday off. Both were now only one game behind.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 2B Vickers – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – P Livingston
SFB: 2B K. Elder – 3B D. Myers – RF Levis – 1B Dupuis – SS A. Castillo – LF Hawthorne – C Umanzor – CF Zollinger – P Lipsky

Tony Morales threw out Kenny Elder trying to steal second base in the opening frame, then enabled the Baybirds with an errant and probably stupid pickoff attempt against George Hawthorne on first base in the second. Hawthorne gained a base that got him into scoring position and scoring he did when Zollinger pushed a single past Zeltser. While another comedy of errors was developing on one side of the box score, the Baybirds’ Lipsky retired the Coons in order the first time through. Bad time to stop doing ANYTHING, boys. Bad time!

While Livingston lacked stuff and command and guile and a screwdriver and everything else you could probably use on the mound, it took 11 Raccoons to establish an on-base presence on Manny Fernandez’ single to right. Wallace also singled, with Manny going aggro to third base, a move that paid off in no way, shape or form, because Fowler struck out, and Vickers walked. The bags were full with two outs for Tony Morales, who had not had a big knock in a long time, so why start now? He flew out to Hawthorne on the first pitch he saw.

Livingston hadn’t won a game since August 17, a full month and a day ago, and the Raccoons were hell-bent on keeping him dry. He allowed only the one run through six messy innings that saw him leave with over 100 pitches once Morales thankfully caught Hawthorne stealing to conclude the bottom 6th. That actually gave the 4-5-6 batters another shot at rallying behind their teammate. Strikeout, lineout, then a Morales single, which brought up Zitzner, which meant Livingston was doomed. Zitzner grounded out, ****tily, to Kenny Elder, and that was the game. John Dupuis’ 2-out RBI single against Garavito in the bottom 8th didn’t matter; even one run was too high a hurdle for the Raccoons to overcome. 2-0 Bayhawks.

The Titans lost, while the damn Elks were rained out. At this rate, they might win the crown without ever playing again, since the Raccoons don’t look like they will ever score another run.

Justin Fowler at least won a golden sombrero in this game…

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – RF Maldonado – 2B Stalker – P Brown
SFB: 2B K. Elder – 3B D. Myers – RF Levis – 1B Dupuis – SS A. Castillo – LF Hawthorne – C Umanzor – CF Zollinger – P Huf

Ramos walked, Zeltser singled, and then the Raccoons struck out, struck out, aaaand… struck out. What a first inning! Berto was on again in the third, then with a leadoff single, was forced out by Zeltser, who was forced out by Wallace… Fowler then for a change actually hit a ball and doubled, but Wallace had to park it at third base, and when Morales lined to deep left, somehow Hawthorne got there and ended the inning… That made for ONE run in 21 regulation innings at the damn Bay for the Raccoons…

Darren Brown through five allowed two hits and one walk, which was technically less than the Raccoons got off long-ago-Critter Matt Huf, who walked Wallace and Fowler on eight straight pitches with two outs in the top 5th. Tony Morales in typical rookie idiocy ripped away at the first pitch he got and grounded out to short. Zitzner hit his second leadoff single of the day in the sixth, which led to as many runs as the first one in the fourth, and Berto was on to start the seventh, stole his 49th bag, and looked like he was going to be stranded, too, but with two outs Huf fell 3-0 behind Fowler and for some reason didn’t just stop bothering to go after the twitching rookie instead. Huf challenged Fowler with the 3-0, and Fowler hit it 400 feet to left – 2-0 for the Masked Mess! Morales made the out, and Zitzner had his THIRD leadoff single of the day by the eighth. Maldonado singled as they continued to encroach on Huf. Tim Stalker then dis-croached the situation with a 6-4-3 double play. Zitzner was on third base and was left there when the Coons decided to leave Brown in for the eighth inning at least. He got two outs before Luigi Banfi singled in Huf’s place. One more try with Elder – and he flew out easily to Wallace, as far as there was an easy flyout to Wallace at all… That was however 106 pitches for Darren Brown and the middle of the order coming up so unless the Coons could break out against southpaw Jesus Rodarte in the ninth, he wouldn’t be back. Berto doubled to left to begin the inning. Wall batted for Zeltser, but was walked with intent, then swiftly removed when Dupuis tossed Wallace’s grounder to second base for a fielder’s choice. But that brought up Fowler, and maybe, just maybe… The Baybirds stuck with Rodarte, and that was the next mistake. After taking Huf deep for 400 feet, Fowler hit a 420-footer off Rodarte, burying it in the bullpen in right-center. It was 5-0, all runs Fowler’s, with Ramos crossing home plate as his 100th RBI of the year! Bottom 9th, Brown went back out, but Dusty Kulp and David Fernandez – neither of whom had been struck and harmed by that Fowler bomb – were standing by to enter at the first sign of trouble. Myers and Levis were retired before Dupuis walked. With one out to go, Darren Brown would get to try for the shutout one more time, but after that it was Kulp (or Fernandez in case of a lefty pinch-hitter). Castillo singled up the middle, the switch was made, and Kulp K’ed Hawthorne to salvage the final game of the set. 5-0 Coons. Ramos 3-4, BB, 2B; Fowler 3-4, BB, 2 HR, 2B, 5 RBI; Zitzner 3-4, BB; Brown 8.2 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (5-2);

Fow-ler! Fow-ler! (

Now, the good news: the Elks split their double-header and the Titans lost another one to the Condors, so ultimately the CL North did not play into the CL South race, both South contenders taking two out of three. Both Boston and Portland were idle on Thursday, with the Elks playing their last one against Oklahoma. Thankfully, Steve Bailey and three relievers squeezed them out on three hits in a 3-1 Thunder win, giving Portland a 1 1/2 game lead again since everybody had gone 1-2 in their CL South series.

Raccoons (77-75) @ Loggers (70-83) – September 21-23, 2035

The Loggers were freshly mathematically eliminated – while they still had a non-zero magic number, the fact that the Raccoons would pool so many games against the other top 3 teams in the final week precluded them from making up the distance at this point. And why would they be in the playoffs? They were in the bottom three in both runs scored and runs allowed with a -95 run differential, although bottom-ish wasn’t what it used to be in the CL North, was it? We led the season series, 9-6.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (9-11, 4.68 ERA) vs. Alfredo Casique (14-10, 3.93 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (14-7, 3.01 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (9-11, 5.00 ERA)
Colt Willes (11-10, 3.48 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (3-2, 3.15 ERA)

Stockwell was the only southpaw they had available. The Coons meanwhile skipped Sabre. Both him and Chavez were equally bad at this point, but at least Bernie wasn’t piling up quite as many actual losses. Neither of them had won a game in their last four attempts. (Now pair that with Livingston’s winless streak, then answer how we actually rallied from the depths of hell, because I ain’t got no clue…)

The CL base stealing title would get decided between two contestants here. Ramos led the league with 49, but Danny Valenzuela was right on him with 48.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Chavez
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS Garnier – LF S. Wilson – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – CF Prestwood – 1B Leftwich – C Paiz – P Casique

The Raccoons scored the first run of the game in the top 3rd on their first three hits. Stalker hit a leadoff double, Berto singled, was forced out by Fernandez, and then Wallace was kind enough to drop another single into shallow right to get Stalker home. Bernie Chavez almost responded as expected with total collapse, but after the bags were full thanks to a Valenzuela singled and two walks actually struck out Josh Conner and Bill McWhirter to escape the entire mess. But the trouble never really stopped with Bernie Chavez, did it? Jeremy Leftwich doubled, Edgar Paiz walked, and after a pretty bunt by Casique they were in scoring position with two outs for Valenzuela in the bottom 4th. I howled when Valenzuela dished a 1-1 pitch hard to left, even AFTER an extensive mound counseling session that was supposed to remind Chavez of not throwing some random garbage up there, but somehow Jimmy Wallace managed to get in the way of the ball and held on to it, stranding two Loggers in scoring position.

Portland then made it 2-0 with a Ramos Special; Berto hit a 1-out single in the fifth, took off and reached second for his 50th bag, then scored on Fernandez’ single to center. Soft singles by the 3-4 parade loaded the bases for Tony Morales, who again insisted on poking at the first pitch. Patience, young man! At least his grounder was only good for an out at first base, allowing Manny to score, 3-0, and Wallace came in on a wild pitch. Zitzner walked, Zeltser flew out, and we had to endure more Bernie on the mound. Steve Wilson promptly hit a homer and Chavez put two more on base, but then struck out Leftwich to strand those… To anybody’s surprise, Bernie then hit a 1-out double in the sixth. He advanced on Ramos’ groundout, then scored when Fernandez legged out an infield single while nobody paid attention to the pitcher rumbling home from third base. Manny stole second, then scored on Wallace’s double rammed through Leftwich. That was the end of Casique; relief man Steve Bass then whiffed Fowler to get out of the sixth.

Bernie was lifted after 5.2 laborious innings, needing 102 pitches while whiffing nine and walking four. Bob Thomson got the final out in the inning, but was then also pinch-hit for in the seventh. Up 6-1, Dusty Kulp entered the bottom 7th and retired no one – three Loggers hit three line drive singles and then surrounded his replacement, Chris Wise. All runs scored against him. Bill McWhirter hit an RBI single at 1-2, Tyler Prestwood got a run home with a grounder, and Leftwich hit a sac fly. Paiz then grounded out to strand McWhirter at third base in a 6-4 game. David Fernandez put Valenzuela on base with a 1-out infield single in the eighth, but got a double play grounder, 6-4-3, from Maxime Garnier at least… He then sought treatment from Dr. Chung for a numb arm, but I’m sure it was going to be nothing. (calmly unscrews a small bottle of Capt’n Coma for calming the nerves while travelling) Ed Blair had the bottom 9th, facing the 3-4-5 batters. Wilson grounded out to first. Conner lined out to Ed Hooge in left. McWhirter grounded out to Matt Triolo at second base. 6-4 Critters. Ramos 2-5; M. Fernandez 2-5, 2 RBI; Wallace 3-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Triolo (PH) 1-1;

Dr. Chung reported David Fernandez was going through some dead arm period. It would probably fine in time for the playoffs, if the Raccoons made it there, and if not I was not to worry, Dr. Chung had once taken the Expert Course in cutting pigs apart at the Pyongyang School of Medicine and Butchery.

So comforting!

The competition won their games, too, so nothing moved at the top of the table.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – C Wall – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – LF Maldonado – 3B Marsingill – RF Pinkerton – P Rendon
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 1B LeClerc – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – CF Prestwood – SS Garnier – LF K. Farmer – C Paiz – P Stockwell

Berto opened the game with a walk before being doubled up by Rich Vickers. When he was on again with one out in the third after singling, he stole second out of spite, getting there just barely safe. Stockwell didn’t react well, walking the bags full before facing Fowler, who was called out in a full count, and Zitzner flew out to right. The Loggers, on singles by Paiz and Justin LeClerc, plus Valenzuela getting nicked in between, also had three on base with one out in the bottom 3rd, and – oh surprise – scored on McWhirter’s 2-out, 2-run single. Prestwood then grounded out.

Top 4th, three on, no outs, but Rendon was at the plate after Maldonado had singled, Josh Conner had tossed away Marsingill’s grounder, and Pinkerton walked. In a worst-move-possible, Rendon hit into a 6-4-3 double play, which DID get a run home, and Ramos cashed the other with a single up the middle, at least tying the game. While Vickers reached, Kurt Wall flew out to center; but Fowler would hit a leadoff single in the fifth. Zitzner then ripped a RBI double that put Portland up 3-2 and also knocked out Stockwell, who didn’t have much stamina to begin with and had pitched in distress for all of his four-plus innings. Steve Bass surrendered Zitzner’s run on a Marsingill single and Pinkerton’s sac fly, 4-2, before Rendon struck out. Bass then hit a leadoff single in the bottom 5th (…!), but was replaced by Valenzuela immediately on a comebacker on which Rendon could only get one. Valenzuela got second base on a wild pitch, which wasn’t ideal. LeClerc then ripped a drive to right and Pinkerton made an AMAZING catch racing over to the line, catching the ball, and bouncing off the sidewall without breaking a leg. And then Josh Conner hit an RBI single anyway…

McWhirter flew out and the Coons were up 4-3 after five. More offense came by way of a 2-out, 2-run homer jacked by Fowler in the top 6th, plating Ramos against Steve Bass, but the 6-3 lead about collapsed the following inning. Rendon was yanked after a leadoff walk to Paiz, but the pen didn’t make it any better. Garavito got a fielder’s choice out of Leftwich, but Valenzuela singled. Prieto came on, walked Conner with two outs, then allowed a double into the corner to D.J. Mendez, hitting for McWhirter. Leftwich scored, Valenzuela scored, Conner was waved around third base and – was thrown out at the plate, ending the inning. Portland was still up 6-5, but I had a bad, bad feeling.

Top 8th of a gluey game, Manny Fernandez popped out pinch-hitting for Prieto, but Berto went to 4-for-4 with a single. He reached third base on Vickers’ single, all against righty Rafael Zacarias. Wallace pinch-hit for Wall… and smashed a 3-1 pitch into an inning-killing double play. Bad, bad feelings. Chris Wise got around a Prestwood single in the bottom of the inning before Alex Banderas would see the 4-5-6 batters. Zitzner reached on a Conner error in the ninth, but that was it. No, the bottom 9th would be Blair against whatever pinch-hitters the Loggers could find, starting with Steve Wilson, a left-hander, and they surely wouldn’t hit for Valenzuela. With Garavito having been used and Fernandez injured, a lefty was not a viable option anymore. Steve Gowan? Really? If Blair blows it we can at least confidently say we tried. Wilson flew out to center. Valenzuela flew out to right. LeClerc walked, bringing up 21 homers’ worth of Josh Conner as the winning run. He tried to go deep, too hard though, and struck out. 6-5 Critters. Ramos 4-4, BB, RBI; Vickers 2-4, BB; Fowler 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Maldonado 2-4;

Crucially, the Arrowheads came to the Critters’ help and beat the damn Elks, 7-5. This dropped them to third place, 2 1/2 games out, but the Boston Titans took a second game from the Crusaders and remained two games out and were now also back at .500, hurrah.

But the Raccoons had to know that they had the hardest final week coming up – at the same time as they were the only team in control of their fate completely. They HAD to beat the Loggers once more to get the best possible scenario for themselves. They would have to do so against right-hander Vinny Olguin (13-14, 4.48 ERA) with Iezzi booted from the Sunday start.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Willes
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 1B LeClerc – LF S. Wilson – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – CF Prestwood – SS Garnier – C Canas – P Olguin

Berto batted twice in the opening inning, walking and popping out to strand three, respectively. After his walk, the Coons tormented Olguin with a flurry of five singles, and for good measure Tim Stalker was nicked with the bases loaded. Only Fowler (fielder’s choice) and Willes (K) didn’t reach base the first time through, and the Coons were up 4-0 before Willes took the mound… and then Willes was taken behind the shed and beaten in the second inning. To be fair, it was more terrible control than anything much the Loggers did, but they loaded the bags with nobody out on two 4-pitch walks and a single, and Garnier singled home a pair before the inning fizzled out.

Then some inept baseball played out that was to be expected by two teams that had no business being in playoff contention in September. Zitzner in the third and Fernandez in the fourth hit doubles, but were stranded, while in the same innings the Loggers got a leadoff single, but then hit into a double play. In the fifth Willes, who had no strikeouts and was not getting to close to any, either, walked Valenzuela with two outs, LeClerc doubled to left, but Wilson then stranded the tying runs in scoring position with a pop to Fowler in shallow center. The Coons put a pair on with two outs in the sixth when Willes singled and Berto walked, but Olguin – who was still in the game after that first-inning beating… - got Fernandez to pop out. Bottom 6th, Willes fell to 3-0 against leadoff man Conner, who then poked and grounded out. Oh boy!!

Fowler hit a solo jack off Olguin to make it 5-2 in the seventh. Willes retired Rodrigo Canas to begin the bottom of the inning, then was removed with D.J. Mendez batted for Olguin. Steve Gowan came on and fell behind both him and Valenzuela, then got other people to catch the rockets he surrendered to complete the inning… Dusty Kulp got around LeClerc’s leadoff single in the eighth, Wallace and Fowler singled, but were left stranded by Morales and Zitzner in the ninth, and then the Coons had to find three more outs from somebody against right-handers. Ed Blair and Chris Wise had BOTH been out two days in a row and we very much wanted them available against the Titans, when the games would count double. Kulp was still in the game, so there were worse decisions than letting him continue if possible. Prestwood flew out to Fowler. Garnier grounded out to Berto. Canas went down on strikes, and the Raccoons had swept the Loggers! 5-2 Coons! M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B; Wallace 2-5, RBI; Fowler 2-5, HR, RBI; Zitzner 3-5, 2B; Kulp 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, SV (1);

In other news

September 17 – DAL LF Abel Madsen (.301, 12 HR, 63 RBI) collects four hits and five RBI in a 16-7 whooping of the Cyclones.
September 19 – The Aces’ SP Chris Crowell (20-7, 2.71 ERA) throws a 5-hit shutout in a 9-0 win over the Loggers for his 20th win of the season. Compared to his rookie year in 2034, the 23-year-old Crowell has turned his then 6-15 record around and has cut his ERA (5.46) in half.
September 22 – TIJ 3B Shane Sanks (.271, 26 HR, 100 RBI) gets his 2,000th base hit at age 36, a solo homer off Falcons righty Joe Feltman (3-1, 4.18 ERA) that remains the only mark on the Condors’ side of the ledger in a 9-1 Falcons win.
September 22 – The twice-defending champs, the Sioux Falls Warriors, are the first team to clinch their division with a 4-2 win over the Wolves.

Complaints and stuff

The Elks rushed the Arrowheads, 8-0, on Sunday to stay 2 1/2 back, but the Titans failed to complete their sweep and lost a 3-2 squeezer late to the Crusaders, dropping three behind.

Justin Fowler, who missed 23 games and was only available to pinch-hit in 15 more, was the first CL batter to reach 100 RBI on the season with his single-handed beating of the Baybirds on Wednesday. Only “Nine Fingers” Freeman in the FL had more (105 to 102 then), and he, well, was doing it with nine fingers… As many failed acquisitions as we’ve had over the years (looks at first base), Fowler isn’t (yet) one of them. In fact he is pushing .300 for the first time since ’28 and is close to his highest OPS of the decade.

If nothing else, it is assured that the division champion will have a winning record. There is no way for not at least two teams to reach 81 wins and then play a tie-breaker, or for the Raccoons to win at least twice and hold off the competition just barely. The tie-breaker threat is of course real. We are 1-1 in those all-time, including a win against the Titans in ’95. The 2020 tie-breaker with Milwaukee went by the way of Nick Lester.

POR (80-75) – BOS (4), VAN (3) – .498 – 82.3% (+17.1%)
VAN (78-78) – MIL (3), POR (3) – .482 – 5.3% (-12.1%)
BOS (77-78) – POR (4), IND (3) – .486 – 12.4% (-4.9%)

There is a lot of math and fantastic scenarios to construct here, like f.e. a split with the Titans holding them to tie-breaker-at-best distance, but that doesn’t account for the damn Elks having a 9-6 edge over the Coons this year and being in a pact with the devil that allows them to ruin our dreams forever. I doubt we can clinch on the Titans, since that would still require the damn Elks to lose at least once to the Loggers even if we win out, but I would ****ing LOVE to clinch in the stupid Elks’ faces…!

And last time I checked, Ray ****ing Gilbert was no longer active.

Fun Fact: Justin Fowler is the first Raccoon to drive in 100 runs in the 2030s.

Or in fact 90 since after Rich Hereford’s last season, but due to injuries and decline Hereford actually only had 52 RBI that year (2030). Kevin Harenberg drove in 99 that year, ahead of Matt Nunley’s 75. Hereford, who retired last year, of course had that 140 RBI season in ’28. The year after that Harenberg (106) and Stalker (100) both reached triple digits.

Not that a top RBI mark is a qualifier for a team’s ability to go all the way, but it’s nice to have. However, Terry Kopp led the championship Raccoons of 2026 with only 75 RBI.

[DD Martin]

They have this, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

[Westheim]

(screams hysterically and incoherently)

Raccoons (80-75) vs. Titans (77-78) – September 24-27, 2035

Part one of finishing The Rally would be to hold the Titans at a distance in the final 4-game set between those two teams. They had scored the sixth-most runs in the Continental League despite the worst batting average, their pitchers had allowed the third-fewest runs, and the Critters were up 8-6 in the season series, a matchup they had won *once* in the last 13 years.

With a magic number of five, the earliest the Raccoons could mathematically clinch the division was Wednesday with three wins over the Titans and two Elks losses against the Loggers. That series also started on Monday; the damn Elks would have Thursday off.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (6-3, 2.53 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (15-8, 2.84 ERA)
Darren Brown (5-2, 2.84 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (2-11, 5.31 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-10, 3.98 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (11-10, 2.86 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-11, 4.58 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (6-6, 3.84 ERA)

Mario Gonzalez was the only southpaw we expected here. A lot of Titans staples were meanwhile missing in action: Rhett West (knee), Keith Spataro (hamstring), Moises Avila (abdomen) were all missing from the lineup, and starters Tony Chavez and Jeff Dykstra had been stowed away on the DL for a while by now.

The Titans offered a different spectacle instead: not one, but TWO relievers that both had the name Jesse Erickson. The 28-year-old lefty was a known quantity and getting whacked for a 5.96 ERA this year. The 25-year-old righty was a September call-up and had walked eight batters in as many innings for a 10.80 ERA. Yeah, oh well, bring on the clowns!

Speaking of clowns, Maud informed me that regrettably Nick Valdes couldn’t make the opener of the series. Suddenly appearing apocalyptic thunderstorms had delayed his departure from Yucatan peninsula in Mexico, where he had visited the construction site for an open-pit coal mine and the therefore necessary destruction of ancient burial grounds, the contents of which had been wholesale dumped into the sea. So, in short, he couldn’t make it for the Monday opener. – Aw, Maud, that’s too bad. – *Unconsolable.*

Game 1
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – RF Barnes – CF Hayden – 2B D’Angelo – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Livingston

Livingston hadn’t won a game since about the President Jackson administration, and a 2-out walk to Willie Vega, a wild pitch, and a full-count RBI single allowed to Jay Elder sure weren’t helping his ambitions in that regard, as the Titans took a 1-0 lead in the first. It didn’t get any better with him afterwards, either. After a second inning in which Jim Young singled and was doubled off, the third began with Potter – after retiring six of six Critters – singling to center. He advanced on a wild pitch before Antonio Gil walked anyway. Todd Johnson singled to load the bases. Willie Vega popped out, but Elder hit another RBI single, and Young singled when down 0-2 in the count, driving in another two runs. Just before some random September call-up could replace Livingston, Chris Barnes hit into a double play, but the Raccoons were now down 4-0.

Stalker was the first brown-clad base runner, singling with one out in the bottom 3rd. Livingston couldn’t get the bunt down, which was so charming, then hit a double. Berto’s sac fly scored one, Fernandez’ 2-out single another one. Potter then hit Wallace in the arm, and while ol’ #5 wanted to stay in the game, he failed to close his paw in a way Dr. Chung would have appreciated and was removed for Jesus Maldonado. Justin Fowler looked at the medical drama from the batter’s box, angrily twitched his whiskers, then did unspeakable things to an Adam Potter fastball. The poor thing flew 427 feet – HOME RUN!! Coons up 5-4! Wall and Zitzner reached before Bob Zeltser flew out to left, making the first and third outs in the inning.

Unfortunately, no lead of any description would be save with Livingston, who sucked the brim off his hat. He walked Matt Hayden to begin the fourth, than allowed a bloop double do Brian D’Angelo (Maldonado’s misplay didn’t help). With lefty Mark Walker pinch-hitting for Potter, Livingston was whisked as well, got a pop from Walker, and conceded only the tying run on Gil’s groundout. With the inning over, it was a 5-5 bullpen game in the fourth… The scoring was over for the moment, though. Both the Titans and Raccoons got three innings out of a long man, three scoreless frames for Boston’s Danny Bronstein, and 8/9 of three scoreless frames for Bob Thomson before Willie Vega hit a 2-out, 2-run homer off him in the seventh. Todd Johnson hit another 2-piece off Dennis Citriniti in the ninth inning, extending the gap to 9-5, while the Raccoons pretty much never hit anything of anybody until Tim Zimmerman came apart in the bottom of the ninth, but even when Zeltser and Ramos were on the corners, the Coons were already down to their last out and the Titans sent Jermaine Campbell to restore order. He got a grounder from Fernandez, but Manny legged it out for an RBI infield single. Up came the tying run, but it was not a lefty power bat, but Malonado, 0-for-2, and with no homers in 70 at-bats. Matchups! Morales had been used earlier, but Ed Hooge was still on the bench and would bat from the left side, hopefully allowing Fowler to come up in any way. He went down on strikes. 9-6 Titans. M. Fernandez 3-5, 2 RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Morales (PH) 1-1;

Little consolation points here: Jimmy Wallace was better after the game, and no bones were broken, it was only a bruise. He would probably sit out Tuesday, but be back on Wednesday, we thought at least.

Secondly, Paul Metzler and Rafael Zacarias shut out the damn Elks on five hits in a 5-0 Loggers win, so while the Titans were now only two back, the Elks were still another half game further out.

Thirdly, the Raccoons added another lefty with John Hennessy, who had missed most of the season with shoulder inflammation and had already been banished to AAA before that. How much use he could be down the stretch was up in the stars…

Game 2
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – CF Walberg – 2B D’Angelo – P R. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – RF Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Brown

Portland seemed to get no relief as far as starters were concerned, though. Brown leaked two hits and two walks the first time through and barely got a charitable strike three call on Robby Gonzalez to strand three Titans in the top of the second. Maybe the offense could be a relief? Fowler homered to lead off the second – he just was on fire right now. Brown hit a single with one out in the third, as the rain began to fall. Berto walked, both advanced on a wild pitch, and Wall walked onto the open base eventually, presenting Fernandez with three on and one gone. As rain became harder, he hit a soaring pop in foul ground that Willie Vega made a long and sustained dash for, only to miss it by six inches. Fernandez got another shot, then completed a walk that pushed home Darren Brown to make it 2-0. Fowler came up with three on – but the game went into a rain delay before he could separate Gonzalez from his intestines.

When play resumed an hour later, Fowler chopped a grounder up the middle to Johnson, who fumbled it for a dismal error. Berto scored, and Fowler got his 110th RBI. Zitzner brought in a fourth run with a groundout, Maldonado was nailed, and Zeltser fouled out to strand three. That sent Darren Brown back out, who had already thrown 61 pitches before the endless delay and would be closely watched. Jay Elder’s leadoff single was all it took – Brown was yanked for Garavito. He gave the Coons five outs without allowing any run, and Dusty Kulp got four before getting bombed by Clay Walberg in the top 7th, cutting the lead to 4-1 (while still being out-hit 5-2). Prieto and Wise then each got three outs without interference, but the Raccoons still couldn’t get anywhere near another run. The ninth would see Ed Blair against the 5-6-7 batters. Elder hit a roller in front of home plate and was thrown out by Tony Morales (Wall had been hit for earlier). Jim Young whiffed. Walberg hit a grounder to short, where Matt Triolo had replaced Berto for defense, and was out by a mile. 4-1 Raccoons! Fowler 2-4, HR, RBI; Garavito 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K, W (4-2);

Over in Elk City, Josh Weeks and Jaden Baldwin shut out the Loggers this time, 7-0, which only meant that everybody was back to where they were on Monday morning. Coons in first, 2 1/2 ahead of the damn Elks, and three ahead of the Titans, only with two fewer games to play, and that helped nobody but the Critters. While clinching on Wednesday was well off the table, clinching on Thursday was still theoretically possible by winning two more from Boston while the Loggers would win their rubber game from the dumb Elks.

Speaking of dumb things? Where *is* Nick Valdes?

Then we spent Wednesday waiting out the rain for a game that never took place. Thursday would see a double-header, but would crucially also bring knowledge of what the damn Elks had done on Wednesday. So we watched that game while having nothing else to do, me huddled between Slappy and Chad in the mascot costume, while Maud and Cristiano also joined in front of the TV. They drank cocktails, which we mocked endlessly while numbing ourselves with hard liquor. The Loggers, however, squeezed out a 3-2 win that left the Elks three games out with a magic number of two.

Game 3
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – RF Barnes – CF Hayden – 2B D’Angelo – P Willett
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – C Morales – 3B Marsingill – 2B Vickers – P Sabre

Berto opened the first inning with a triple … then limped off with a leg issue. I fainted into Slappy’s lap and it took a few innings to revive me. By then it was the bottom of the third and the Coons were up 2-0; Matt Triolo had pinch-run and scored on Fernandez’ single, with Manny coming around on Zitzner’s 2-out single. Sabre meanwhile was on a 1-hitter with 5 K in the fourth inning when suddenly play was interrupted when the home plate umpire stepped out behind the dish and pointed skywards. Some nutjob was parachuting into the ballpark…! The intruder expertly landed in running fashion next to Manny Fernandez, removed his helmet, and it turned out it was Nick Valdes, who had somehow made it out of Yucatan. He pointed to the scoreboard and enthusiastically shook Manny’s hand before six policemen piled onto him, pepper-sprayed him, and put him in handcuffs before dragging him into the bowels of the ballpark.

“So, that happened” I said and shrugged, standing next to Cristiano at the big window overlooking the ballpark. I was also very surprised to not see Sabre implode instantly. Instead, Zitzner doubled and scored on a Marsingill single in the bottom 4th, growing the lead to 3-0. Sabre held out until the sixth to finally do something stupid, allowing a 2-out double to Todd Johnson, throwing a wild 0-2 pitch to Willie Vega, and then seeing Triolo misfire on the groundball Vega hit. The error allowed Johnson to score, 3-1. Marsingill then contained Elder’s grounder. The Raccoons’ chances improved tremendously when Willett was taken deep back-to-back by Wallace (20) and Fowler (25) in the bottom of the inning. Up 5-1, Sabre allowed a single to Young to lead off the seventh, but got a double play grounder from Matt Hayden. Sabre gave the Coons eight innings on 110 pitches, and the Critters tried their luck with John Hennessy in the ninth. Vega struck out. Elder walked, and when Young singled him to third, it was time to try something new. Chris Wise allowed a duck snort RBI single to Hayden, 5-2, but PH Ivan Vega, the tying run, flew out to right. Left-hander Brian D’Angelo was batting .210, but wasn’t hit for against Wise, and poked another RBI single on a 2-2 pitch, 5-3. Mark Walker pinch-hit in the #9 hole, flew to shallow center, but Fowler hustled in and caught the ball to close out the win…! 5-3 Critters! Ramos 1-1, 3B; Fowler 2-4, HR, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Sabre 8.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (9-10);

(shakes Dr. Chung with great vigor) Dr. Chung! What is it! What is with Berto!? – Are you sure? – And he will not die? – And he will be able to play in the CLCS? – Oh, I love you, Dr. Chung! (smooches Dr. Chung on the cheek)

A mild calf strain would render Berto day-to-day for the next few days. Now, obviously we wouldn’t play him as long as it was not absolutely necessary. Since we could still clinch with a win in the second game of the double-header, he might not play at all in the final four games, where not going 0-4 was all we had to do anymore.

Game 4
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – CF Walberg – C Sanford – 2B D’Angelo – P M. Gonzalez
POR: RF Pinkerton – 2B Vickers – LF Maldonado – CF Fowler – 3B Zeltser – 1B Zitzner – SS Triolo – C Scheffer – P Chavez

That sending Bernie in had been a mistake dawned pretty quick on us. He walked Gil to start the game, with the run eventually scoring on a Willie Vega single, and while Justin Fowler kept being a mean swatter and collected Preston Pinkerton for a 2-run homer in the bottom 1st, Chavez stumbled from one coffee table into the next in a third inning that saw another walk and two singles to allow the Titans to tie the game. At least he stranded Johnson and Willie Vega on the corners with an athletic play on Jay Elder’s 2-out grounder… Mario Gonzalez fared less stellar with Zeltser (single) and Triolo (fielder’s choice that killed Zitzner) on the corners and two outs in the bottom 4th – he threw a wild pitch, giving Portland a 3-2 lead.

The Titans tied the score in the sixth off a still unconvincing Chavez. Ivan Vega and Elder hit singles to get to the corners, and Walberg’s 1-out grounder to Vickers was only good for one out. Bottom 6th, Fowler led off with a single, was doubled off, and then the 6-7-8 batters filled the bags with a double, an infield single, and a walk. Chavez was over 90 pitches anyway and was easily hit for. Kurt Wall grabbed a stick – and struck out. The Raccoons tried again in the seventh against Wyatt Hamill. Vickers hit a 1-out double, and then kicked it into high gear when Maldonado singled to center. Clay Walberg’s throw to home was late, and the Coons had a 4-3 lead in the seventh inning! Maldonado also made it to second base on the throw. The Raccoons saw Fowler walked intentionally (who could play Boston for that?), then Salgado bat for Zeltser… and lining a double into the leftfield corner. One run scored, 5-3, and Zitzner was walked intentionally to get Triolo to the plate. He struck out, and the Coons, looking for the knockout, sent Jimmy Wallace to bat for Phillip Scheffer. Wallace struck Hamill’s first pitch to right-center, it fell, and two more runs scored with two outs…! Tim Stalker then grounded out against the left-handed Jesse Erickson. Up 7-3, there were six outs between the Coons and their first playoffs in seven years. Dusty Kulp was the first reliever tasked with holding the Titans. He retired Johnson and the Vegas without issues in the eighth. Nick Bates got the ninth. Jay Elder struck out, but Bates walked Walberg…… and Pat Sanford, too. Garavito was brought on against the left-handed D’Angelo, who singled to center. That filled the bags and made Mark Walker appear as the tying run. He hit a fly to center, Fowler was on that one, and while Walberg scored that was solely Nick Bates’ problem. We were only in real trouble once Garavito took a run onto his ledger. Antonio Gil was the next Titan up. He lifted the 0-1 to center. Fowler coming on … and he made the catch! Raccoons Ballpark burst into a sea of excited screaming!! 7-4 Raccoons!! Pinkerton 2-5; Vickers 2-5, 2 2B; Fowler 2-3, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Zitzner 1-2, 2 BB, 2B; Wallace (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

With the final out made, Steve from Accounting and Maud and me and Cristiano were all jumping up and down and screaming our lungs out while Slappy sat on the couch and grinned. Playoffs! Playoffs!! Playoffs!!

For the first time in seven years, the Raccoons are in the playoffs!!

The other two divisions were still open. Bayhawks Condors were tied in the South, while the Capitals were 3 1/2 ahead of the Miners – there was a makeup game in play there.

Cristiano, did you just jump out of your wheelchair and …? – No? – But I thought you… – Huh. I must have confused you with Slappy then. Weird. You two look nothing alike.

Raccoons (83-76) vs. Canadiens (79-80) – September 28-30, 2035

Hah-haaah!! Dumb Elks! Stupid Elks! ****ing Elks!! Haaah-haaaaaah!! … Thankfully I was so good at concealing my glee over their early elimination. We now had nothing to worry about except more stupid injuries, which was also why we would give all the key personnel as much rest as possible. Fowler f.e. right away wasn’t in the lineup on Friday. The Elks were eighth in runs scored, fourth in runs allowed, and none of it mattered anymore. They were up 9-6 in the season series. I don’t even cared.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (15-7, 3.06 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (4-3, 3.22 ERA)
Bob Thomson (0-1, 3.68 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (11-12, 3.75 ERA)
Josh Livingston (6-3, 2.83 ERA) vs. Joe West (9-12, 3.67 ERA)

Handedness would match in each game, with Bob Thomson getting a spot start to move Colt Willes to Game 1 of the LCS for sure. Rendon could pitch Game 2 by going on Friday. The rest of the playoff rotation was up in the air at this point.

Game 1
VAN: 2B Morrow – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – RF Stephenson – CF Outram – SS B. Gonzales – 3B D.J. Robinson – P Nora
POR: 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – C Morales – CF Hooge – RF Salgado – SS Triolo – P Rendon

While the Coons scored three in a busy bottom 2nd in which Morales, Hooge, and Triolo loaded the bases before Zeltser and Vickers plated two and one with 2-out singles, respectively, Gilberto Rendon was positively wicked in this game. While the damn Elks could hardly hit him, he also had trouble with the strike zone, and surrendered a run in the third inning after walking three Elks. Jesse LeJeune hit a sac fly to get them on the board. And Rendon wouldn’t get the win – he was so outrageously wild that he needed over 100 pitches just to reach the fifth inning and get one out from Tomas Caraballo’s pop, and that was after a leadoff single by LeJeune. Six hits, four walks, five strikeouts and lots of shaking heads. The Raccoons went back to Nick Bates, who allowed an RBI single to Josh Stephenson, had second base stolen off him, threw a wild pitch, and walked Bobby Gonzales before being yanked for Hennessy, who got a grounder from D.J. Robinson to end the inning, somehow with the Coons still up 3-2.

Bottom 5th, the Raccoons had the bases loaded with one out. Zeltser doubled, Vickers flew out to center, Wallace was walked intentionally and Zitzner was drilled. Morales’ sac fly was all we got, and as one mess chased another Hennessy filled the bags with two singles and a 2-out walk to Caraballo in the sixth. Prieto faced Stephenson and escaped on a groundout to short. The Raccoons limped into the ninth inning with Dennis Citriniti, only to collapse spectacularlywhen Caraballo and Stephenson ripped doubles off the right-hander to begin the inning. That shortened the score to 4-3 and put the tying run on second base. The Raccoons called on Garavito, who did absolutely zero to contain the surge, allowing no fewer than four line drive for base hits to not only blow the lead, but give the Elks a 7-4 lead in a 5-run outburst. Not all was lost though – the damn Elks still played like a team that may or may not crack .500. The Coons go a leadoff walk with Pinkerton in the bottom 9th, hitting in the #8 hole. Maldonado forced him out, Stalker flew out, but Vickers singled. Wallace was the tying run, but walked without ever getting a good pitch to hit from Elks lefty Jordan Calderon. Zitzner was up with three on and two outs and as the winning run. He grounded out pathetically. 7-4 Canadiens. Zeltser 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Vickers 3-5, RBI; Morales 2-3, RBI;

Hey, at least nobody was injured!

Game 2
VAN: CF Outram – RF Korecky – 3B Stephenson – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – 2B D.J. Robinson – 1B Meza – SS B. Gonzales – P Corcoran
POR: RF Pinkerton – 3B Marsingill – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF Maldonado – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – SS Triolo – P Thomson

Single, nailed batter, walk – the bags were full before Thomson ever got an out. Timóteo Clemente hit an RBI single, LeJeune hit into a run-scoring fielder’s choice, then was caught stealing, and Robinson struck out to keep it 2-0. It didn’t get any better for Thomson, either. Luis Meza led off with an infield single in the second, stole the next base ahead, and scored when Corcoran singled past Tim Stalker, 3-0. Jerry Outram singled, but Korecky hit into a double play to end the inning. And just when you thought it would be another long bullpen game, Thomson suddenly got his **** together. Only one Elk reached in the third, and then he started to click them off… or at least get grounders into the defense instead of liners over them. Before long, he had pitched seven superficially and averaged decent innings, but was still trailing, because the Coons drew nothing but blanks with their thinned-out lineup against Corcoran, who faced the minimum the first time through, and the second time through allowed an RBI double to Kurt Wall, scoring Pinkerton, but that was largely *it* through six. Maldonado then dropped a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, reached second base on a wild pitch, then scored on Stalker’s single. Stalker was swiftly doubled up by Triolo to end the inning, still 3-2 behind.

Which was about when Nick Valdes stepped through the door, having posted $500 of bail for his pitch invasion, which would get him sued by the district DA. He showed us his fingers, the tips of which were all still black from when they took his fingerprints. So while Thomson gave up hits to Korecky and Clemente in the eighth that inefficient relief by Chris Wise would transform into two more runs, Maud was busy wiping Valdes’ paws with a cloth. Bottom 8th, Valdes was by now able to dig into the peanuts with one paw clean, Pinkerton tripled and Corcoran walked both Wall and Fowler with two outs. Hooge and Salgado were sent to pinch-run with Maldonado at the plate, but he grounded out to Gonzales… The left-handed blight Steve Gowan was taken apart for three runs in the ninth, and the good thing was that we didn’t care. The damn, dumb Elks could win a thousand to zilch and they wouldn’t catch us anymore…! 8-2 Canadiens. Pinkerton 2-4, 3B; Wall 1-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Maldonado 2-4;

The Capitals won 4-2 over the Miners to clinch the FL East on this day. The Bayhawks and Condors were still tied in the CL South. All three other divisions were led by a 96-win team at this point.

Game 3
VAN: LF LeJeune – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B Caraballo – RF Stephenson – 2B Morrow – 3B D.J. Robinson – SS E. Serrano – P J. West
POR: 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – C Morales – CF Maldonado – LF Hooge – SS Triolo – P Livingston

While we weren’t keen on ending the regular season by getting swept by the damn Elks, it didn’t matter. The #3 seed was two weeks’ worth of games away, and we had just had two injury scares against Boston. It wasn’t worth putting out the best suit. We had to make up numbers, but Fowler and Wallace and Berto weren’t in the lineup – the latter being declared healthy for Sunday by Dr. Chung. They might pinch-hit; they wouldn’t take the field though.

For something new, the Elks took the lead in the third on a passed ball charged to Tony Morales. Edgar Serrano and LeJeune had been on the corners against Livingston. Portland made up the run in the fourth; Zitzner doubled, Morales singled, and Maldonado hit into a 5-3 groundout that required Robinson to hustle for the ball with no chance at getting Zitzner at home plate. The good-for-nothing game trundled along for seven innings of decent ball by Livingston, who was pinch-hit for when Triolo drew a 1-out walk in the bottom 7th. Wallace hit into a double play. It was 1-1 through eight, with Hennessy’s **** being shoveled up by Prieto, and in the ninth Ed Blair got around a leadoff walk to Caraballo. Berto hit for Morales against Joe West to lead off the bottom of the ninth. He singled on the first pitch to the delight of the home crowd. Maldonado bunted him to second. Hooge was walked with intent, then forced out on Triolo’s grounder. Fowler batted for Blair with two outs and the winning run at third base. And he ACTUALLY got nailed on the first pitch. The home crowd now became unruly… and so did I. The Raccoons mascot, manned by Chad, was in the bottom rows next to the Elks’ dugout and organized a cup of beer from a fan, then tossed it with guile from the open side into the hostile dugout. On the very next pitch, Bob Zeltser dropped a single in front of Ryan Phillips, ending the damn, dumb, stupid, ****ing Elks’ season. 2-1 Furballs!! Zeltser 2-5, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Livingston 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 3 K;

In other news

September 25 – DEN INF Orlando Nieblas (.272, 12 HR, 61 RBI) hits a home run for the only score in the Gold Sox’ 1-0 win over the Stars.
September 26 – SFW SP Mike Ibarra (16-9, 3.63 ERA) will miss nine months with a stretched elbow ligament.
September 27 – In the middle of a live pennant race, SFB SP Matt Huf (16-12, 3.47 ERA) will need surgery for a torn rotator cuff and is out for the season, but hopeful to come back by Opening Day.

Complaints and stuff

PLAYOFFS!!!!

GOD, it’s been a long time! – Maud. Do I have to do anything special for the playoffs? – Comb my hair? – And the stains on the shirt? – The sweatpants, too!?

Although all three of our prime offensive players got nicked in one way or another in the final week, all of them made it to the playoffs alive. There will be some haggling over who’s on the playoff roster and who’s not, and right now I have no idea who’s even going to start a game after Willes goes in the opener in Tijuana.

The Condors won the South on the final day of the season, beating the Knights 3-2 on a walkoff single by the skunk weasel (.269, 29 HR, 107 RBI) in the 12th inning, while the Bayhawks were squeezed out, 1-0, by the Thunder. I think we would have matched up better with the Bayhawks, but there is ultimately not that much difference there.

Also, they might have won 97 games, but the Condors won only 27 games in August and September. The Coons? 39!

Fun Fact: The Canadiens haven’t made the playoffs in 23 years, the fourth-longest drought in the league.

What is even more amazing is that the three teams with the longest playoff drought all play in the FL West. The Stars have not been shining for 27 seasons, the Wolves have gone hungry for 31 seasons, and the Gold Sox have found nothing but dumb stone for 32 years.

The Pacifics have won the West a dozen times since 2009, followed by the Scorpions’ eight crowns and seven for the Warriors. In terms of titles it’s six, one, and two-plus, respectively.

[DD Martin]

So wondering what is the team with worst division winning record that won the ABL championship.

Also I couldn’t find either my Raccoons division sports book ticket at 8-1, or the 14-1 League championship one either. Now the World Series ticket was 25-1 and that one I have. Knowing my luck the Raccoons will pull of some miracle and upset the Condors but then lose the big series. If that happens I’m switching allegiances to the Salem Wolves

And I will be watching theIf Lou from the dry cleaning outfit, I bet that miserable s.. .. . ..... Has at least got my $800 buck ticket already sent in

Congrats on a great rally for the win

[Westheim]

2035 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (84-78) @ Tijuana Condors (97-65)

Playoffs! Maud made me wear my good suit and tie in Tijuana, although I had no doubt I would get both soaked in Tequila one way or another.

Before the actual games, however, the baseball gods had put the task of setting a playoff roster at all. Of the 34 players that had finished the regular season with Portland, several were not eligible to begin with. This included Nick Bates, John Hennessy, and Bob Thomson on the pitching side. Hennessy had been on the DL on August 31, yes, but he had been on the *minor league* DL and as such the ABL disallowed him to come onto the playoff roster except as a replacement in case of injury.

For batters, Scheffer, Triolo, Maldonado, and Salgado (who had been demoted in August) were all ineligible. This left the Raccoons with exactly 13 eligible position players, including all the regulars you’d expect plus Hooge, Pinkerton, and Marsingill, that forgettable triplet.

The real issue was on the pitching side. 14 pitchers remained eligible for 12 spots, including the following starters: Brown, Chavez, Livingston, Rendon, Sabre, and Willes; as well as the following relievers: Blair, Citriniti, Fernandez, Garavito, Gowan, Kulp, Prieto, and Wise; here we still managed to make easy cuts to get down to a dozen; now, the Condors had a sizable contingent of left-handed batters, but their key bats were right-handed with the exception of Justin Williams, who would play in the CLCS, and Willie Ojeda, who would not, having torn a quad in August. Foregoing a third southpaw seemed acceptable, given the off days in the series and the fact that that third southpaw would be Steve Gowan. The other strike candidate was Citriniti with eight walks in 8.2 innings. The Condors were on base all the time even without being walked automatically.

That left the small issue of which of the six starters would actually start games in the series. Colt Willes had already been anointed Game 1 starter before, and we struck to that. Of the other five, all had struggled at one point or another, and most even recently, like Rendon’s stinker of a final regular season start. Despite this, his overall consistency over the season was something that promised hope, and he was locked in for Game 2. And beyond that and for Brown, Sabre, Chavez, and Livingston (who still had not won a game in almost two months), the Raccoons made no commitments at this point and would play it entirely by fuzzy ear. Picking a Game 3 starter also involved semi-committing to him as Game 7 starter, and none of those four was in a position to claim that honor / responsibility…

2035 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (84-78) @ Tijuana Condors (97-65)

The Condors had won the South on the final day of the season and looked like a sure bet against the Raccoons, but those records were deceptive. All our hope was in final-third performance; the Raccoons had won 38 of their last 54 games, but the Condors had actually posted a losing record of 26-28 over the same amount of games. They still had scored the most runs in the CL and had allowed the fewest and topped the Raccoons’ +66 run differential by exactly 100 runs. They weren’t a beast to be toyed with…!

On-base percentage and stealing bases was their mantra, but they had hit about as many dingers as the Coons, with disgusting revolting skunk weasel Shane Sanks (.269, 29 HR, 107 RBI) leading the team in that regard. With the demise of Ojeda, no .300 hitter survived on their roster, but they used the boa constrictor approach to batting rather than the Coons’ “poke ‘n pray” philosophy. They had the best rotation, the best pen, and the third-best offense. The Raccoons merely came third, eighth, and eighth, respectively, in those categories.

Doesn’t matter, boys! 38-16! 38-16! 38-16!

These teams had met twice in the CLCS before, with the Raccoons emerging victorious and on the way to a title both times. They beat the Condors in six in ’93 on the way to the rubber series with the Caps, and advanced in seven games in ’28 before meeting the Buffos and sweeping them under the rug. That had been a long time and many tears ago. Colt Willes was tasked with putting it right now.

Game 1 – Colt Willes (12-10, 3.46 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (19-10, 2.87 ERA)

The Condors rolled up one of their two southpaws for the opener. The Raccoons would prefer to see righty starters, but this wasn’t about making a wish upon the stars. We chose an alternating-handedness approach for Game 1.

POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Willes
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 2B Bensinger – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – 1B Zuazo – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – SS Bunyon – P J. Garcia

Berto singled on the first pitch of the series, but was stranded when nobody else could find a hole to dink a ball into. No other Critter reached base the first time through, with Garcia whiffing three, and the Condors took a 1-0 lead in the bottom 2nd. Shane Skunks turned an 0-2 pitch into a leadoff double, advanced on Alvin Zuazo’s deep fly, and then scored when none of three converging Critters could make a play on Juan Palbes poor 2-out roller, allowing the skunk weasel to hustle home on the infield single.

Berto singled again with two outs in the third, but Kurt Wall popped out to strand him this time. The Coons continued to do nothing in the fourth, the bottom of which saw Justin Williams lead off with a Wallace-sponsored single in shallow left, and Zuazo legged out a roller for another infield single. With writing getting ready to appear on the wall, Jose Flores hit a grounder to Tim Stalker for a 4-6-3 double play, ending the inning. The Raccoons still couldn’t get any non-Ramos player on base in the fifth, while Willes, who struck out six through four innings, allowed a 1-out single to Donovan Bunyon, who was bunted over by Garcia. Chris Murphy hit a looper into shallow right near the line, Fernandez had a long way to go and didn’t get there; with two outs, Bunyon scored easily, giving the Condors a 2-0 lead. Jason Bensinger then grounded out.

Bensinger knocked down Jimmy Wallace’s grounder, but couldn’t make a play from deep on the dirt, allowing Wallace to reach base with an infield single as he led off the seventh inning, becoming the first Critter other than Ramos to make it on base in this game in any way, shape or form, by base hit, walk, error, catcher’s interference, or divine intervention. He also never got off first base, as Williams caught a liner by Fowler, a fly by Fernandez, and Zitzner rolled out pathetically to Bunyon.

On to the eighth, where still 2-0 down the Raccoons again got their leadoff guy on base when Justin Marsingill batted for Zeltser and singled to center. The Condors stuck with Garcia, not having any real need to replace him, but Tim Stalker got hold of a baseball and stuck it into the rightfield corner for an RBI triple, and out of the blue the Raccoons had the tying run 90 feet away! Rich Vickers batted for Willes, but lined out, and for additional agony Berto popped out on the first pitch. Two outs, and Stalker still on third base. Kurt Wall ran a 2-2 count before grounding up the middle – and past Bunyon! Single, tied game! Wallace grounded out, and Mauricio Garavito retired Ken Kramer, Bensinger, and Williams in order in the bottom of the inning.

Ray Andrews struck out Fowler to begin the ninth, but couldn’t get to Manny Fernandez, who buried a ball in the gap for the Coons’ second triple in as many innings, representing the go-ahead run on third base. Unfortunately, this was with Travis “You’re Gonna Be Disappointed” Zitzner at the plate. The Condors still wanted no part of him – they brought Marsingill up with an intentional walk. The Coons could play that game, too – Tony Morales batted for Marsingill to counter the right-handed Andrews (with Preston Pinkerton available as third-string third baseman). He got doubled up on a grounder to Bensinger, and the Raccoons threw their golden chance away…

Then came the bottom of the ninth. Skunk weasel led off with a double over Wallace on Dusty Kulp’s 0-2. Zuazo walked, and Kulp was yanked for David Fernandez even with Flores being right-handed (but two lefty bats after that). Sanks advanced on a deep fly out, moving the winning run to third base. Andy Hughes pinch-hit in the #7 hole, but we stuck with Fernandez, who got him to 0-2 before the Condors got another hard knock in that count, a spanker to the left side, Pinkerton with the dive and grab, and a desperate throw to home plate, where Shane Skunks was – OUT!!! HAH!! Skunks!! Take your dumb face and GO HOME!! Winning run back to second base for Tijuana! …and then back to third base on a passed ball on the 2-1 to Bunyon. Oh dear! The count ran full before Bunyon hit a hard grounder to the right side. Zitzner couldn’t reach it, and Zuazo jogged home for the walkoff. 3-2 Condors. Ramos 2-4; Marsingill (PH) 1-1; Willes 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 6 K;

Well, wasn’t that smothering? Can it get much worse in Game 2?

Game 2 – Gilberto Rendon (15-7, 3.08 ERA) vs. George Griffin (15-9, 2.54 ERA)

A right-hander! And also a must-pounce game for the Critters.

POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Rendon
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 2B Bensinger – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – 1B Zuazo – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – SS Bunyon – P Griffin

Griffin of course had always struggled with low stamina and could be a guy that could get knocked out even with a lead. The Coons rung with him for 22 pitches in the first, starting with a Berto triple to right, and continuing with a walk drawn by Manny before Wallace hit into a run-scoring fielder’s choice. Griffin then struck out two. When Zitz ‘n Zelts opened the second with singles, Stalker hit into a double play and Rendon struck out, and nobody scored, and the Coons stranded Berto, who walked and stole second, and Fowler (another walk) in the third inning when Tony Morales grounded out.

While Rendon pitched neatly with the exception of a Zuazo double the first time through, the Raccoons kept finding embarrassing way to waste away chances. Zitzner hit a leadoff single in he fourth…! And Zeltser spanked right into a double play. Stalker then hit a 1-1 pitch plenty long… but foul… and then popped out to Williams in shallow center. In good news, the Coons had Griffin at 74 pitches through four innings, so he wouldn’t hang around forever and maybe they could find better luck against the pen… To begin the fifth, Rendon whiffed, but even that took Griffin six pitches. Berto walked in a full count, and then Fernandez legged out an infield single. Wallace looped a ball to shallow right-center, uncatchable, and Berto had a perfect read and easily scored on the play, 2-0! And then Fowler fanned and Morales grounded out, stranding two…

While Rendon looked good after scattering four runners in five innings, the Raccoons got rid of Griffin with another Zitzner leadoff single in the sixth. Zelser flew out, but Stalker singled off Jose Ornelas. Then Rendon struck out trying to bunt, which was not in the plan I had drawn up… Berto batted with two outs, but flew out to Williams anyway… The amount of base runners stranded and doubled up made me slightly queasy, but maybe it was the worm in the Tequila, and besides, Rendon pitched extremely efficiently (six shutout innings on 62 pitches!)… no, I couldn’t help but feel like the thick end was yet to come.

With the utmost pain and weird groaning noises the Raccoons scratched out a third run in the top 7th against Ornelas. Manny doubled, Wallace singled, Fowler kept piling up strikeouts, but Tony Morales placed a grounder where the Condors could only get one, not two, and Manny came home from third base. Travisty Zitzner then struck out. Bottom 7th, Juan Palbes reached base with a 2-out single… then was caught stealing by Morales. Rendon’s continuing shutout even excused him for bunting into a double play in the eighth inning. He retired Bunyon, Firmino Cambra, and Chris Murphy in order in the eighth, which he finished on 88 pitches.

The Raccoons stuck to their man in the bottom of the ninth, facing the 2-3-4 batters. Bensinger flew out to Fowler on the first pitch. Williams doubled to left… and, there was the pitching coach, and after a brief discussion the change was made. The Raccoons went to *Chris Wise* with the skunk weasel at the dish. He threw a wild 1-2 to advance Williams, who’s run didn’t count for much, but then Skunks turned the 1-2 into a full-count walk and suddenly the tying run was up. Zuazo struck out, however, bringing up an 0-for-7 Flores with two outs. He flew out to center. 3-0 Coons! M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, 2B; Wallace 2-4, 2 RBI; Zitzner 3-4; Rendon 8.1 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K, W (1-0);

WIN!

[Westheim]

2035 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (84-78) vs. Tijuana Condors (97-65)

Returning home with a 1-1 split in Tijuana, the Raccoons had to finally pick their poison for Games 3 and 4. They went with Darren Brown in Game 3, and while the Game 4 starter was selected prior to the first toss in Portland, we made a big secret about it for the time being. Chavez, Livingston, and Sabre were all sent to the pen for the home opener, trying to confuse the Condors, even though ultimately they were all right-handed…

Game 3 – Darren Brown (5-2, 2.71 ERA) vs. Ethan Jordan (14-9, 2.67 ERA)

First pitch in the opener was delivered by old #39 Jonathan Toner, who between the Raccoons’ previous playoff appearance in 2028 and now had been inducted in the Hall of Fame, but himself had never reached the World Series with Portland, being eliminated in the CLCS three times in a row between 2017 and 2019. Was that a good move, Maud? – Shouldn’t we have picked a winner? – Like Brownie? – Yeah, but for 30 years he was the only Critter to win a World Series game!

That was a sad thought, actually…

TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 2B Bensinger – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – 1B Zuazo – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – SS Bunyon – P E. Jordan
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Willes

Brown retired the first six before Palbes hit a leadoff single in the third inning. Murphy would draw a 2-out walk, but Bensinger flew out to right. At that point, the Raccoons had already landed three hits with nobody out, and had scored nobody; Berto’s first-inning leadoff double and leadoff singles by Zitzner and Zeltser in the second having fallen into the woulda-coulda-shoulda bin.

Wallace doubled with two outs in the second, bringing up an 0-for-8 Fowler with 5 K on his ledger. It wasn’t quite the slugger that had powered the Raccoons into the playoffs with eight homers down the stretch, but he finally got to a) hit a ball and b) make it fall in. A single in right-center allowed Wallace to score, and another single by Fernandez even sent Critters to the corners... and then Zitzner flew out easily. Well, at least he speared Palbes’ hard grounder with two outs in the fourth after Zuazo had singled and Flores had awalked against Brown…

The Condors hit three grounders in the fifth inning, which prompted Nick Valdes to turn to me and proclaim that he had counted on all the fingers he had, and if the Condors wouldn’t score a run in this game, the Raccoons would even win it!

The Condors then took two hits in the bottom of the sixth; first, Justin Fowler reached base leading off, but only on an error by Bunyon. Secondly, Ethan Jordan felt a tweak and called for the trainer, who took him out after some deliberation. Ornelas replaced him, so the Raccoons now faced a right-hander. Fernandez hit into a fielder’s choice, then stole second, but nothing came of it with Travisty Zitzner whiffing and Zeltser flying out to left.

Darren Brown’s day ended after 6.1 innings and 97 pitches. His final batter, Flores, reached on a Berto error, which was disheartening. The Raccoons sent Garavito against the left-handed bottom of the order, but switcheroo-hitter Ken Kramer pinch-hit for Palbes … only to smack the first pitch hard at Zeltser for a 5-4-3 inning-ender. Now, since Garavito was in the #9 hole and Stalker led off the bottom 7th it looked like Garavito would never face somebody from the left side, but Tim Stalker singled off Ornelas to begin the bottom 7th, and this was as good a place as any to try another bunt with a pitcher… Two failed attempts in, the Condors picked off Stalker… Garavito completed the plate appearance with a K, but Berto singled, stole second, and was stranded on Kurt Wall’s whiff. Garavito struck out the side in the eighth, putting the Critters up against lefty Josh Heckman in the bottom 8th. Since Wallace would not take the field in the ninth, Rich Vickers batted for him, but popped out. The Coons made three outs on six pitches, and after that it was Ed Blair against the 2-3-4 batters, and no cushion. Bensinger was out on a comebacker on the first pitch! Williams grounded out to short! …and here came the skunk weasel, batting .200 in the series with no RBI, Shane Skunks! The count ran full… and he walked. Alvin Zuazo came up, batting .300 and 1-for-3 on the day. After a lengthy mound conference, Blair lost Zuazo on balls just the same. A hitless Jose Flores came to the plate while the Raccoons scurried to find Chris Wise and get him to put his pants on, and Nick Valdes was sucking my thumb for comfort. ANOTHER count ran full and I saw the world burn with my inner eye. Then Flores hit a fly to shallow right. Preston Pinkerton had to dash in hard. RUN, PINK PRESTON, RUN!! RUN FASTER!!! … AND HE MADE THE CATCH!!! COONS!! COOOOONS!! 1-0 Critters!!! Ramos 2-4, 2B; M. Fernandez 2-4; Brown 6.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 2 K, W (1-0); Garavito 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

No, we weren’t quite sure how we were doing it, either. We just threw **** at the ball and saw what stuck and what didn’t….

Game 4 – Raffaello Sabre (9-10, 3.74 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (19-10, 2.87 ERA)

The Condors decided that this was not a team to toy around with and sent Garcia into Game 4 on short rest, figuring that the Raccoons batting against left-handers was something that worked for them in broad strokes (3 runs in 14+ innings for the Coons against lefty starters in the series), and that they only had to get the offense going. The Coons selected Sabre over Chavez and Livingston, although honestly this was a toss-up and we wouldn’t be shocked to see two or even three of them pitch in this game…

The honorary first pitch was delivered by 15-year-old Jarrett from the Willamette Institute for the Limbless and the Blind, who had been born blind, but also had perfect pitch and delivered the national anthem as well, touching an entire ballpark with his wonderful delivery. I cried. Valdes cried. Slappy cried. Then he threw the pitch, missing Tony Morales, who wore a cap with bells attached, by 25 feet, beaning a photographer instead.

TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – 2B Bensinger – SS Bunyon – P J. Garcia
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Sabre

Dropped to the #7 hole, the Condors’ Jason Bensinger became the first batter of either team to reach base with a leadoff single in the third inning. Bunyon also singled, and while Garcia popped up a bunt for a poor out, the runners pulled off a double steal before Chris Murphy singled them across with a ball pushed through the right side. Zuazo hit into a double play, but the Raccoons now had some rallying to do.

Garcia remained perfect the first time through, and Sabre didn’t make it out of the fourth inning. The skunk weasel singled to right with one out, Flores singled to left, and then Sabre mishandled Palbes’ grounder to load the bases. Bensinger buried a ball in the gap for a bases-clearing triple, and down 5-0 Sabre was dismissed from the game. Livingston took the ball and stranded Bensinger with a pop coaxed from Bunyon and a K to Garcia, but given Garcia’s dominance the Raccoons were better presumed dead in this contest…

Bottom 4th, Berto opened with a single dropped into rightfield. Wall and Wallace flew out, but Fowler singled with two outs, and Manny dropped a ball in no man’s land in left-center for an RBI single. Oh boy, Zitzner’s next. He grounded out on the first pitch… And yet, by the following inning, the Coons had the go-ahead run at the plate – Zeltser and Stalker opened the fifth with singles and were bunted over by Livingston. Berto scored a run with a groundout, Wall hit an RBI single, and then Wallace walked. That brought up a struggling Fowler with the tying runs aboard and two outs. And he struck out yet again…

Livingston, the fool, then loaded the bags in the sixth. The skunk weasel laced a leadoff double, Flores singled, and Bensinger walked with one down. When David Fernandez was brought from the pen, he walked in a run against Bunyon before getting a double play grounder from Garcia, deepening the hole again to 6-3. Murphy singled and Zuazo walked against Fernandez in the seventh, and when Williams popped out and the skunk weasel was back at the plate, the Raccoons sent for Dusty Kulp, who promptly walked the bases full. Flores’ sac fly was all the Condors got, but that established a slam-sized lead for them, and who on the Critters would hit a slam now…? Marsingill hit into a double play when he batted for Kulp in the bottom 7th, which was about as much confidence as I had in them now…

Prieto and Bernie Chavez (so all three starters DID pitch in this game…) delivered scoreless innings in the eighth and ninth, but none of that created offense. The no-nonsense Condors brought Andrews against the bottom of the order in the bottom of the last inning. When Zeltser doubled to right, Nick Valdes asked whether I thought they’d win. I replied in the negative. Stalker, Morales, and Ramos made outs in order, and the Raccoons indeed didn’t win. 7-3 Condors. M. Fernandez 2-4, RBI; Stalker 2-4;

With the series reduced to a best-of-three, I tried not to be too critical of the boys, but … boys, you only have nine runs in four games! Can we get more!?

Game 5 – Colt Willes (12-10, 3.46 ERA) vs. Jimmy Driver (13-9, 4.07 ERA)

I was shaking and struggled to get my daily booze intake on the day of Game 5… too nervous, too much of a wreck. The Condors went to their second righty, the Coons went back to their lineup from Game 2, and then we also got first pitch delivered by Shawna Rosenblum, who had founded the Rose City Animal Shelter in 1987 and was still volunteering her spare time to the institution. The 92-year-old lady threw the ball from 12 feet away and Kurt Wall had to reach out to catch the sharp drop.

TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – 2B Bensinger – SS Bunyon – P Driver
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Willes

Willes was smothered right away. Murphy hit a sharp single, Zuazo a ringing double, and Williams zinged a hard single to center. Sanks scored a second run with a groundout, and then Flores hit another RBI double. Palbes walked before the defense threw their bodies in front of more cannon shots to get the final two outs of the inning. – No, Nick, they’re not gonna win this one, either. – No, they will never win another game.

The first two innings’ offense was limited to a Berto walk, and come the fourth, Willes was humped from the game on Williams and Flores singles and Palbes’ RBI double. Down 4-0 with a pair in scoring position, Dusty Kulp replaced Willes, conceding another run on Bensinger’s groundout.

Driver retired nine in a row before Manny Fernandez opened the fourth inning with a double to right. Before long, the Raccoons staged a surprise rally. Fowler walked, Morales hit a RBI single, and when Driver glitched another walk to Zitzner, the bases were loaded with one down for .154 hitter Bob Zeltser, who fell to 0-2 before hitting a grounder to Bensinger. Of course it was a double play.

Jimmy Wallace homered to right with one out in the sixth to cut the gap to 5-2, but the Condors quickly got an out from Fowler before Morales doubled to center with two outs and two strikes. Zitzner singled, bringing up Zeltser as the tying run, and he was completely overwhelmed in this series, but he was still facing a right-hander and we didn’t have another lefty bat after pointlessly burning Ed Hooge the inning prior. He popped out on 1-2.

Berto reached on an error in the seventh and was stranded. Fowler’s 1-out single in the eighth knocked out Driver, that dominant beast, but Josh Heckman got rid of the Raccoons before long. Ed Blair held the Condors where they were in the top of the ninth, and then it was Andrews again. Kurt Wall batted for Blair in the #7 hole (oh, the irony…) to begin the inning and hit a double to right on the second pitch. Stalker hit a single on a terrible bloop and suddenly the tying run was at the plate in … well, Marsingill. We might run into problems hitting for him, and besides, there were only Vickers and Pinkerton left anyway. Neither of those two promised a much better outcome, but neither of them could have done much worse than Pinkerton’s first-pitch double play grounder to short. Bunyon to Bensinger to Zuazo, and the Condors didn’t give a **** whether Kurt Wall scored. The tying run was off the plate. Ramos grounded out to end the game. 5-3 Condors. Morales 2-4, 2B, RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1, 2B;

(shoves his snout with chocolates) Yes, Nick, those are good. – Want some? – They taste of doom!

[Westheim]

2035 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (84-78) @ Tijuana Condors (97-65)

Game 6 – Gilberto Rendon (15-7, 3.08 ERA) vs. George Griffin (15-9, 2.54 ERA)

The rematch of Game 2 took place with the Raccoons needing to score some ****ing runs this time around, and oh, Gil, it would help if you tossed a shutout. I can’t guarantee that they’ll get you outta there in under ten innings, though…

Maud had taken great care to comb my hair before we flew south, but it was all a mess as I left the plane in Mexico. I had seen nothing but doom for a couple of days, and pulling my hair was all I had to cope.

POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 2B Stalker – 1B Zitzner – 3B Marsingill – P Rendon
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – 2B Bensinger – SS Bunyon – P Griffin

Both teams first reached base with two outs in their halves of the second inning. After Stalker’s single, Zitzner farted and flew out. After Palbes walked, he stole second and jogged home on Bensinger’s screaming double over the head of Wallace. Bunyon struck out, but it was 1-0 Condors and I had no hope. The shutout had been the only battle plan I had been able to draw up and it was gone.

Gone was also a chance with 2-outs base hits by Berto and Manny in the third inning. Wallace flew out to Williams to strand them. Williams instead knocked a 2-out RBI single in the bottom of the inning, cashing Murphy, who had walked and stolen second base. The developing pattern was deeply unpleasant, with another two Raccoons singles in the fourth (Fowler, Zitzner), and then a piss-poor groundout for Marsingill.

The tying runs were on base again in the fifth inning, but only reached with two outs. Fernandez doubled over the head of Williams and Wallace then coaxed a walk to bring Fowler to the plate. But somehow Justin Fowler had to have been switched with Bob Fowler, Portland’s leading apiculture expert, because he was batting .158 with one RBI and looked generally lost at the plate. Not that pinch-hitting for him would EVER be an option. I’d rather take a golden sombrero and a loss with him than any other loss with, heck, Pinkerton. He grounded out to Bensinger.

At this point the Raccoons out-hit the Condors, 6-2, although three walks issued by Rendon had been a problem. The Portland starter was yanked in the fifth after a Zuazo double, a balk (…!), and another RBI single for Williams. Livingston allowed a screaming first-pitch double to the skunk weasel, but Williams had to hold on third base, and poor outs by Flores and Palbes ended the inning with runners stranded in scoring position. Any team with a vigorous offense still had a chance to come back from 3-0 down. The Raccoons’ offense had been perplexingly flaccid for all of the last 49 innings…

When Stalker landed a 1-out single against Griffin in the sixth, Travisty Zitzner smashed a baseball at the skunk weasel for an EASY 5-4-3 double play. Bensinger then rammed a homer on Livingston’s first pitch of the bottom 6th, 4-0.

Griffin went to bed after the sixth, having shut out the Coons on seven hits (…), with Adam Moran taking over. The lefty hurler made his first appearance in the series and right away let Marsingill on base with a single to center. At this point I failed to muster much euphoria. Vickers batted for Garavito and singled over the head of Bensinger. Berto singled sharply to center – the bases were loaded with nobody out, and, no, I still felt nothing. Moran remained in there with two more lefty bats appearing, and the Coons weren’t likely to hit for either one of those. Manny Fernandez was impatient to the nth degree and flew out to center, with Marsingill tagging up and scoring. Wallace ALSO swashed away at the first pitch, but at least got a grounder past Bensinger to fill the bags for Fowler, batting .150 in the series. One strike, two strikes, then a fly to left. Not gonna get outta here… Palbes had it casually, but had no chance to get Vickers at home plate. Kurt Wall batted for Morales and flew out to center.

To get through the middle of the order, the Raccoons employed Chris Wise in the bottom of the seventh. The outcome wasn’t quite as expected. Williams singled, Sanks walked, and Flores reached by sticking his hip into an inside pitch. Three on, one out, then a K to Palbes. Firmino Cambra batted for Palbes, but grounded out, stranding three.

Portland didn’t reach in the eighth, and David Fernandez retired two in the bottom of the inning before all the pictures fell off the wall again. Murphy singled, advanced on a wild pitch, Zuazo walked, and coonskinner Williams lashed a single out of the reach of Wallace (but not any other outfielder in the whole world) for an RBI single, his third in the game. That brought up Skunks, and the idea was to just nail him in the kisser. Fernandez actually hit him… but only unintentionally with two strikes. Bases loaded, the Coons brought Prieto against Flores. A strikeout ended the inning and brought out Andrews.

The ninth began with the #9 slot. Not knowing any better, Bob Zeltser hit for Prieto. His bouncer tipped off the edge of Bunyon’s glove up the middle and the Coons had the leadoff man on with a single. Berto flew out in a full count before a wild pitch advanced Zeltser. Fernandez ended up striking out anyway, and Jimmy Wallace had to get on base and Fowler had to hit a homer to get even now. Andrews never found a strike against Wallace, indeed walking him to bring up Fowler as the tying run! Fowler fell to 1-2 before he golfballed a pitch out of the dirt and over Andy Hughes at the keystone for a 2-out RBI single. Kurt Wall could not be batted for even if we wanted to. And I thanked him for trying to make this one quick. He ripped at the first pitch with all he had. Fly to left. Palbes raced back, but the elite defender ran out of room. HOME RUN!! KURT WALL WITH A HOME RUN!!! COONS AIN’T DEAD!!

Andrews was, though. Josh Heckman got a groundout from Stalker, and then it was Ed Blair against 6-7-8. Palbes ran a full count, then struck out. Hughes bounced out to Ramos. Another full count was nursed by Bunyon, who then hit a liner up the line for a 2-out double. Willie Carbonell would pinch-hit in the #9 spot, his first appearance in the series. At least a righty, eh? Carbonell hit a comebacker, Blair fumbled it once, but picked it up again and still threw to first base in time. 6-5 Furballs!! Ramos 2-5; M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B, RBI; Fowler 2-4, 2 RBI; Wall 1-2, HR, 3 RBI; Stalker 2-5; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Zeltser (PH) 1-1;

(stares with mouth agape)

[Westheim]

2035 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (84-78) @ Tijuana Condors (97-65)

Game 7 – Darren Brown (5-2, 2.71 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (19-10, 2.87 ERA)

The mantra before Game 7 was that the Raccoons had never lost a Game 7. What could possibly go wrong? Knights in the 1989 CLCS, Caps in the 1993 World Series, Thunder in the 2026 CLCS, and the Condors in the 2028 CLCS – they had all bowed to the Furballs in Game 7. We even had a middle infield that had been witnesses to the last two instances.

The Condors’ philosophy was to throw in Garcia and wait for the Critters to hit themselves in the pointy black snouts again.

POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – 1B Zitzner – 3B Marsingill – P Brown
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – 2B Bensinger – SS Bunyon – P J. Garcia

With the game barely underway I suddenly realized that Brown’s name was easily rearranged to “barren drown”, which caused slight, but instant panic. Brown didn’t make it ANY better by walking Zuazo and Skunks in the first inning, but Flores grounded out to third to end the inning.

The Coons got nothing out of Fowler and Brown singles in the second and third, respectively, and instead Garcia led off with a double to right-center in the bottom 3rd. Murphy singled, and Zuazo walked – three on, no outs. Williams hit a sac fly to right, Skunks hit an RBI single to left, and Brown was shanked. Bernie Chavez inherited a ****ty situation, fell to 3-1 on Flores before he flew out to center, and Palbes struck out.

Nothing worked. Garcia hit another single in the fourth, and when he nailed Stalker in the fifth, Travisty Zitzner was immediately there to smash into another double play. Come the bottom 5th, Bernie Chavez was evicted after a Zuazo leadoff single, Williams’ double, and a walk to Sanks. Three on, nobody out AGAIN. With the end arriving, the Raccoons tossed Chris Wise out there. Jose Flores singled up the middle, Zuazo scored, 3-0. Juan Palbes dropped a ball in front of a rushing Fowler, Williams scored, 4-0. Bensinger ripped a single past Zitzner, two scored, 6-0. Bunyon singled to right calmly, Palbes scored, 7-0. After facing four and retiring none, Wise was yanked and replaced with Garavito, who walked Zuazo with two outs before conceding a 2-run single to Williams. At this point, nothing mattered, even if the ****ing disgusting skunk weasel struck out.

The Coons had lost a Game 7.

They scored an unearned run in the sixth that was sponsored by a Bunyon error and driven in by Wallace because even the Condors stopped caring now. The Raccoons would not reach base in the following two innings, but another low point was reached in the bottom 8th, with Sabre pitching, because the Raccoons had more or less run out of not-yet-strangled-by-their-GM pitchers. He had Williams and Skunks in scoring position with nobody out, because he sucked, then plated one with a balk, and the other with a Palbes single.

Garcia pitched unimpeded into the ninth inning, where he just had to mix up the sorry remainders of a pretender playoff team. Wall homered leading off. Nobody cared, except for Garcia, who was only slightly annoyed. Wallace grounded out. Fowler flew out to right. Fernandez grounded out to short, and Garcia had a complete-game 4-hitter. 11-2 Condors.