Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

The boldest offseason plans fell apart rather quick in late October. One point had been to trade Fernando Garcia, the other was to extend Mario Rosas. Neither came to fruition.

Nothing came to fruition. I wasn’t exactly hunting for a top 50 prospect when I shopped Garcia, but the only thing I could get back in a straight-up deal was somebody even more overpaid and less useful… and youthful. F.e. Terry Kopp, who helped make Portland Title Town again, but that was in the previous decade and now he was 37 and no longer an addition to strive for. The Crusaders tried to get rid of Chris Reardon, any means possible, and I could have had a stash of overpaid pitchers at any point. None of which was helpful since I was trying to free up funds to give to Mario Rosas instead.

Rosas meanwhile made it clear that he was going to be baking big buns this offseason, and the Raccoons were invited to play along as long as they brought some dough. Which was a problem. The Raccoons couldn’t muster more than about $3M as long as Garcia was on the books and that only if we at least temporarily raided the player development budget. Mario Rosas made it clear that $3M sounded cheap to him.

So that was all stuff swimming down the Willamette. The next thing was the great disgruntling of Travis Zitzner, who thought he had merited a 7-year deal for about $12M this season (he hadn’t – not with an .823 OPS and .323 BABIP). Yeah, he added 99 points compared to last year when he was half of our platoon of misery with Jarod Howden, the dumb pig. But that BABIP was a big red flag and I had no desire to die him to our leg for $1.8M per annum for the foreseeable future.

And Jarod Howden? The Pacifics stowed him away in AAA for half the season but when he actually played he packed 117 points on that Coons OPS, including 77 points of batting average. He was actually a halfway decent player in L.A. That dumb pig!

And resigning Ed Blair also turned out to be a bit of hard labor, because he thought he merited 5-yr, $5.5M.

+++

November 1 – The Aces pick up LF/RF/1B Graciano Salto (.259, 116 HR, 465 RBI) from the Falcons, who receive LF/RF Andy Montes (.291, 26 HR, 170 RBI).

+++

In the end Blair signed for less (3-yr, $2.55M, including a player option for ’36), wasn’t happy with it, and neither were we. Travis Zitzner signed a 1-year deal avoiding arbitration for $800k, and nobody was happy with that either. Billy Jennings signed for one year and $465k.

All hope to somehow twiddle an extension for Rosas together was completely shattered when word got out that he might beat have won the Pitcher of the Year award. Suddenly he wasn’t content with $3M or $4M. Now he sought $5.5M. Per season that was.

The Critters elected the draft picks and then braced for impact with their upcoming rotation full of gaping holes.

+++

2033 ABL AWARDS

Players of the Year: NAS 3B/2B Jim Allen (.371, 16 HR, 134 RBI) and TIJ 3B Shane Sanks (.262, 33 HR, 115 RBI)
Pitchers of the Year: SAL SP Phil Harrington (21-5, 1.80 ERA) and ATL/POR SP Mario Rosas (16-11, 2.45 ERA)
Rookies of the Year: TOP INF Sergio Ibarra (.282, 14 HR, 55 RBI) and SFB 1B/LF/RF Doug Levis (.266, 27 HR, 91 RBI)
Relievers of the Year: SAL CL Miguel Salazar (5-3, 1.36 ERA, 44 SV) and TIJ CL Ray Andrews (9-5, 1.75 ERA, 42 SV)
Platinum Stick (FL): P LAP Dave Christiansen – C SFW Ethan McCullar – 1B PIT Danny Santillano – 2B NAS Jim Allen – 3B NAS Chance Bossert – SS SAL Jose Castro – LF SAL Kyle Weinstein – CF DEN Abel Madsen – RF LAP Oscar Mendoza
Platinum Stick (CL): P BOS Adam Potter – C OCT Mike Burgess – 1B OCT Danny Cruz – 2B IND Dan Schneller – 3B TIJ Shane Sanks – SS OCT Alex Serrato – LF BOS Willie Vega – CF OCT Drew Olszewski – RF IND Mike Plunkett
Gold Glove (FL): P LAP Abramo Archibugi – C SFW Taylor Canody – 1B SAL Ivan Pena – 2B SFW Mario Colon – 3B CIN Kyle Lusk – SS SAL Jose Castro – LF CIN Ken Gibbs – CF SAC Mark Vermillion – RF LAP Oscar Mendoza
Gold Glove (CL): P VAN Logan Bessey – C LVA Philip Scheffer – 1B OCT Danny Cruz – 2B IND Dan Schneller – 3B NYC Jorge Zamora – SS NYC Randy Schuler – LF BOS Willie Vega – CF VAN Pat Pohl – RF MIL Danny Valenzuela

I must eat glass now (shatters empty bottle against edge of the desk) … and you all know why.

[Westheim]

Alright. I haven’t… (rummages through various papers and transparent tablets) … where … (looks under Honeypaws) … not there… (gazes confused into the distance)…

I haven’t slept in three days, because I annoyed somebody into a trade.

+++

November 7 – The Raccoons acquire 28-year-old SP Gilberto Rendon (71-67, 3.91 ERA, 14 SV) from the Crusaders, parting with 33-year-old OF Juan Camps (.269, 40 HR, 273 RBI), 30-year-old C Fernando Garcia (.263, 70 HR, 324 RBI), and 20-year-old #7 prospect AA SP Julian Ponce.

+++

Not Rosas, but up there! I declare.

Putting an actual defense behind Rendon, who will be 29 in February, should really help to clamp down on some of those runs. His stuff isn’t overwhelming and never will be; but a tighter infield will really help him, especially since he should be comfy in Portland’s park dimensions.

The only player I regret giving up in the deal is Ponce… but Ponce is a weird case. Yes, he is the #7 prospect… but that is assuming that he can make it as a starter. And right now, he throws a 90mph cutter, a snug curve, and… nothing else. And he will be 21 when the new season starts. We had that issue on the radar for a while, and I don’t see him becoming an ace starter, or even a major league starter. His stuff is not like Scott Wade’s in his hey days. The starting pitchers that can survive on two pitches and a prayer are rarer than good Raccoons seasons. And I don’t think Ponce’s gonna be in that group. He will probably be a good back-end reliever, maybe an All Star closer… but even that will take a few more years, and I sort of feel that the Raccoons have to move sooner, and they need a starter NOW.

And that is Rendon.

He’s also from Cookieland …!

And now… (blinks)… now I must sleep …! (blinks faster) Mmmm, cookiiiesss……zzzzzzzzzzz

[Westheim]

Once I had slept for 37 hours, half of that apparently leaned against the shoulder of Slappy on the trusty brown couch, Cristiano Carmona informed me that his family was in fact not from Costa Rica, but from Panama, to which I sleepily replied something coy and thoughtful along the lines of “Panama, banana, what’s the difference…”

So Cristiano is ticked off now, but at least we have a pitcher. I call that a win.

We were just a few days removed from arbitration hearings when I stretched my old paws and began to pour a shot of the fine stuff into a coffee thoughtfully provided by Maud. Also, a couple of laxatives.

The Raccoons were done with arbitration; all their cases had been dealt with in one way or another, and while we would offer arbitration to Mario Rosas, he would not take us up on the offer. The only other free agent was Rico Gutierrez.

The most urgent concern thus became the fifth slot in the rotation, closely followed by a backup catcher other than David Tinnin. For the former assignment, we had already talked about all the options we had in the house, none of which seemed appealing, prudent, or even sane. The Jason Gurneys, Travis Coffees, and Darren Browns of the world would not hold up under live fire this time, either. So it was back to the drawing board and finding a proven veteran with track record and low salary demands. Those two positions aside I had some confidence in the mix assembled.

Never mind that our last few attempts at shopping for a starting pitcher in the budget aisle hadn’t exactly reaped great benefits. Andy Palomares had gone 6-7 with a 4.94 ERA this year before being dispatched to Washington in the Bob Zeltser deal. Nobody of that description had been here in ’32, but 2031 had seen Ed Hague go 8-12 with a 4.42 ERA while Eddie Krumm had drawn $360k to pitch ten innings, badly, being mostly hurt, and released by August; although: in 2030 we had turned 17 starts by Jose Menendez into an 8-4 mark and eventually Jimmy Wallace. I call that last one a win!

Hey, it’s only November and we’re already 2-0 for the new season. Good start! Good start!

Then the chase after a pitcher began in earnest. We were not looking for a #1 horse anymore because funds wouldn’t allow for it and I also figured that four #2/#3 pitchers also had to count for something. Good luck picking Portland’s goodest boy from amongst Rendon, Sabre, Chavez, and del Rio. What the Coons were after was a household name that was established in the league and had modest demands when it came to salary.

Yeah, we’re after a 33-year-old has-been, with specks of occasional but not habitual greatness, then derailed by injuries, who’ll pitch for a daily warm meal a blanket again, aren’t we?

+++

November 14 – The Loggers deal SP John Nelson (25-29, 3.88 ERA) to the Thunder, receiving #87 prospect Sean Ebner, a catcher that is traded for the second time this year.
November 14 – The Pacifics send 1B Jarod Howden (.257, 56 HR, 279 RBI) to the Crusaders for 2B Joe Payne (.290, 6 HR, 28 RBI) and a prospect.
November 22 – The Condors sign ex-ATL/POR SP Mario Rosas (131-113, 3.37 ERA) to a 6-yr, $25.6M contract. The Raccoons receive the Condors’ first-round pick as compensation.
November 27 – Former Gold Sox lefty Michael Frank (79-48, 3.21 ERA) joins the Capitals on a 7-yr, $31.08M contract.
December 1 – The Pacifics deal C/1B Danny Patron (.274, 6 HR, 59 RBI) to the Rebels for 3B/2B Dominique Dichio (.286, 6 HR, 45 RBI) and a prospect.
December 1 – Rule 5 Draft: 12 players are drafted in two rounds. The Raccoons lose AAA LF/RF Steve Florence to the Buffaloes.
December 2 – The Raccoons come to terms with ex-SFW SP Pat Okrasinski (98-94, 3.70 ERA). The 33-year-old righty signs a $550k conract for the 2034 season.

+++

And there is our 33-year-old has-been, with specks of - … he even has a World Series ring! Which Raccoon can boast about that? (Berto, Stalker, and Reichardt all show off their multiply-ringed paws without looking up from their fruit baskets)

Around 2030 it seemed like Okrasinksi was going to become one of the premier pitchers in the league. That was shortly before he started tearing every single thing in his body. Somehow between missing most of the last two seasons, he managed to fit in a no-hitter against the Wolves last Opening Day. There are things to like about him for sure, and even if this one also ends up hitting the crapper, at least we can console ourselves with the thought that he’s only here as placeholder to give Darren Brown time to become a star…!

The compensation pick will be #20, three spots after our own #17 selection which I don’t see us dawdling away this offseason, either. Also, honestly, given how of the six theoretically better picks available three belonged to teams with no hope of bidding for Rosas, this wasn’t such an awful deal… - Instead, the Gold Sox got the worst deal; getting the Capitals’ #12 pick in the second round for Frank.

Not worried about Florence. The Blue Sox took him in the 2032 Rule 5 draft and sent him back in April. And he’s not exactly ranked, either.

Former Coon(s) finding new shelter space behind the fake shelf wall of a bakery outside Portland from where they can conveniently reach around the pressed cardboard to nip something from the stash of donuts: Giovanni James signed a 2-yr, $1.82M deal with the Scorpions;

…and there’s a Hall of Fame ballot out, too. Let’s see whether we can recognize one or two of them bums!

[Westheim]

December started with the team shooting a holiday commercial for NWSN to promote season ticket sales with a select cast of players we were fairly certain would be around in ’34 (Berto, Manny Fernandez, Chris Wise, and a few starting pitchers) with Christmas hats sitting around the fire place, gobbling candies, and by the way, if you order your season tickets before December 27, the Portland Raccoons will donate $20 on every purchase to the Willamette Institute for the Limbless and the Blind, or some hogwash like that. Maud came up with it. I was not involved – except for being briefed in New York at the Winter Meetings whenever two of the Critters got into each other’s fur over a Christmas cookie. …which happened quite a few times.

The Winter Meetings themselves were like the entire offseason, mostly chewy, and with results hard to come by. Since openings were scarce on the roster (at least at our budget), I was looking at some backup options. Trading Juan Camps, who had not been happy with his role, despite it not being much more prominent than on the Condors, had surely opened a hole for a right-handed backup outfielder. And then I spent three days nagging the Scorpions’ GM for one of theirs…

+++

December 4 – The Warriors add ex-OCT SP Zach Warner (64-51, 3.76 ERA) for five years on a $15.8M contract.
December 4 – Los Angeles signs ex-TIJ 1B Kevin McGrath (.277, 180 HR, 823 RBI). The 34-year-old receives only a 1-year deal worth $710k.
December 5 – The Scorpions land pitching in ex-IND SP John McInerney (92-105, 3.47 ERA), who comes at a price tag of 4-yr, $7.38M.
December 5 – Former Pacifics 3B Andy Schmit (.270, 129 HR, 763 RBI) signs a 2-yr, $3.32M contract with the Thunder.
December 5 – Also major news is a revealed extension worth 3-yr, $15.3M to TIJ 3B Shane Sanks (.258, 265 HR, 1,036 RBI). The 35-year-old 4-time Player of the Year will stay in a Condors shirt through the 2037 season.
December 5 – C Matt Dear (.243, 46 HR, 318 RBI), who played for New York and Topeka in 2033, is traded to the Blue Sox for two prospects.
December 5 – The Canadiens send MR Matt Tillman (8-14, 4.45 ERA, 3 SV) to the Capitals for two prospects.
December 7 – The Crusaders acquire SP Joe Martin (83-71, 3.66 ERA) from the Canadiens for two pitching prospects, including #51 Dave Peluso.
December 8 – The Raccoons trade for Sacramento’s OF/3B Hugo Salgado (.268, 9 HR, 117 RBI), parting with 24-yr old AAA SP Jason Lucas, 21-yr old AA C Hector Alvarez, and 22-yr old AA 3B/2B Dusty Mahaney.

+++

Salgado was actually a regular the last three years, even though his output hints at one possible explanation why the Scorpions are so routinely ****ty right now. We like that he’s another quirky player with high speed. I would have hoped for some more power, but it was not in the cards, either in free agency or in a trade, especially with us limited to the budget aisle for the bench.

We traded three players here, but overall it’s not an outrageous price for a middling right-handed outfielder. Mahaney had been a supplemental-round pick only last year but had already hit .173 for half a season in Ham Lake. Alvarez had been a trash heap pickup prior to last season. Lucas was probably the main price here, a 2030 second-rounder that had just turned 24. He had gone 12-16 with a 4.18 ERA, okay stuff, okay control… for the AAA level. We had a lot of this sort of AAA+ pitcher. The Jason Gurneys of the world weren’t going to get us any further, and his ceiling was not much higher than what he had done now. (And no, they refused the actual Jason Gurney…)

And we steered clear of trading somebody like Jonathan Dykstra, Darren Brown, or Jonathan Galvan, or even Brandon Williams. All four of those might be *at least as good* as Lucas, and none of them makes the team right now (although the latter two are still very young)

And yes, that is all again. Like I said above. This offseason is a vicious grind.

[Westheim]

With the Winter Meetings over, the Raccoons’ pitching staff was at a point where we were happy with what we had; Rosas would have been great, but he wasn’t affordable. With four #2/#3 starter and the wild card Okrasinski we had a very solid rotation with a chance for greatness, and the bullpen was hardly changed at all. We still had Wise, Blair, Anaya from the right side; Garavito, Hennessy, Fernandez from the left; and Prieto to take the spot that would have been Nick Bates’. The 28-year-old Bates would not be ready before June, and likely July.

The infield also looked set; Zitzner, Stalker, Ramos, Zeltser around the diamond, with Marsingill and Hawkins as backups. In the outfield we had Wallace, Reichardt, Fernandez, Jennings, and new addition Salgado. The only thing we really needed and the only improvement we could easily achieve with our remaining budget (roughly $1M was left) was a backup catcher, and that was an urgent need, because right now we had nothing better than David Tinnin at hand behind Elliott Thompson.

There were in fact only eight catchers left in the system, and none of them at the AAA level. There was also no other catcher in the system with ABL experience – the only other one besides Thompson, Tinnin, and the traded Fernando Garcia had been Daniel Rocha, and he had left as minor league free agent.

To be honest, besides that direly needed backup catcher I didn’t see where we’d add another player outside of minor league additions this winter. Our main haul this winter would remain Gilberto Rendon.

Keen observers will also have noticed that we are scheduled to field five right-handed starting pitchers. It is what it is; a few years ago we had four southpaws and that didn’t do us any good either…

+++

December 14 – The Gold Sox sign veteran former Miner and swingman Nick Salinas (99-98, 3.31 ERA, 139 SV) to a $650k contract for 2034.
December 14 – The Raccoons ink 33-yr old ex-LVA C Philip Scheffer (.234, 22 HR, 143 RBI) to a 1-yr, $375k contract.
December 17 – The Indians sign ex-TOP SP Jose Lerma (185-158, 3.45 ERA) to a 2-year deal. The 34-year-old lefty will earn $7.84M.
December 24 – 35-year-old ex-DAL/NAS C Pat Sanford (.253, 165 HR, 726 RBI) signs a 3-yr, $3.54M contract with the Titans.
December 26 – The Buffaloes announce the addition of former Condors SP Josh Irwin (81-79, 3.89 ERA), who signs for $23.52M over six years.
December 30 – The Stars sign ex-TIJ SP Joe Perry (91-52, 3.46 ERA) to a 3-yr, $11.16M contract.
January 3 – The Warriors bolster their rotation with the addition of ex-MIL/NYC SP Francisco Colmenarez (69-72, 3.23 ERA), who will make $16M over four years.
January 4 – Former Thunder SP Andy “Dude” Jimenes (62-62, 3.97 ERA) joins the Pacifics for six years and $26.98M.

+++

Scheffer is far from a great batter; he did win a Gold Glove this season, but batted for a .594 OPS while doing so. The good news is that he’s a switch-hitter that has fairly even averages against lefties and righties, but finds more extra base success against southpaws, so he will mix well with Thompson in that regard. Yes, he’s a 33-year-old catcher with barely 1,200 at-bats in the major leagues. But if we play our cards right he won’t get more than 150 this year, either… We paid a lot for Garcia last season and got precious little in return (not that I am not confident in a Howden-like turnaround for him), so this time we’d go the budget route and hope that Thompson’s upwards trend in the second half can continue.

For comparison, Elliott in his age 23 season batted for a .692 OPS (95 OPS+), which was 88 points more than in his partial gig in ’32. His .368 OBP is however misleading since he was granted 17 intentional walks. Taking those out leaves him with a .337 OBP.

After the Scheffer signing we reassigned some more players to AAA that had no chance of making the Opening Day roster anymore. These included Tinnin, de la Cruz, and Gurney, and it left only 28 players on the extended roster. This included Bates, though, since the DL was inactive during the winter. The only other surplus personnel were two outfielders, Preston Pinkerton and Sean Catella, the latter of which was out of options.

And what about other Raccoons?

Matt Jamieson, who would turn 39 in April, would try another round with the Crusaders for $392k; Nate Hall joined the Wolves for $310k; Jon Gonzalez returned to Indy for $770k;

All during December, Cristiano Carmona kept asking me every day whether I had already filed my Hall of Fame ballot. He had that certain sparkle in his eye – obviously because his older brother Ricardo (or as he was known around here, “Cookie”) was on it.

I didn’t file it until after the holidays. But when I did so, his name wasn’t on it. I actually only voted for two players this time around, neither of them a Raccoon alumnus. And there was a bunch of those on the ballot; there just wasn’t anybody that screamed out to have a gold plaque with his name on it.

Cookie was the greatest thing on legs for a while… but he just couldn’t stay the **** healthy. He played 17 ABL seasons, and only six times amounted to more than 126 games, half of those seasons coming right at the start of his career. His late debut in 2012 aside, he would hit for OPS+ values of 115 or greater each year from 2013 (age 21) through 2019 (age 27). He only managed one more triple-digit season after that, a 125 in ’22 when he was 30 years old. After that he barely amounted to replacement level.

Now Jonny Toner got into the Hall thanks to an insane peak and four Pitcher of the Year awards. Cookie didn’t win such credentials. While he won a ring with the ’26 Coons and hit .300 in a sparing application of his talents at that point – Toner never won one – he didn’t exactly pile up individual accolades. He led the CL in stolen bases three times, won a batting title (the most recent one before Berto’s this year), once led the CL in hits, and twice in triples, but he won only a single Gold Glove and was an All Star only once. The latter was probably to blame on a conservative approach in the sense of moving him out of centerfield to conserve his damn body. He was ill-suited to play a power position – he hit 21 homers in his career and never more than six in a season.

It just didn’t add up for me.

But if Cristiano finds out, he’ll never talk to me again…

+++

2034 HALL OF FAME BALLOTING

The Hall of Fame welcomed two new members in 2034, a pitcher and a position player, both inducted for Federal League teams.

While left-hander Sam McMullen was inducted as a member of the Warriors, his best season came as a Canadien in 2016 where he won the Pitcher of the Year laurel and almost a triple crown in a year where the award, normally in Jonathan Toner’s stranglehold at that time, was vacated by an injury to the Raccoon. It was McMullen’s only major award, but he was an All Star seven times and led his league in wins twice. Throughout his career, he remained a strikeout artiste, although he allowed a lot of home runs in the second half of his ABL tenure, leading the league in that category three times in his 30s. He was remarkably consistent and durable though, posting ERA’s in the 2’s or low 3’s year after year from his debut at age 23 until his age 35 campaign, and he started 33 or more games in 13 consecutive seasons. Ultimately a journeyman that pitched for six different teams, McMullen compiled a 213-150 record and 3.51 ERA with 2,758 strikeouts in a 16-year career.

Inducted on the first ballot was Tom McWhorter, the Miners’ shortstop and superstar for more than a decade. He debuted in ’09 at age 20 with Pittsburgh and stayed with them through 2019, taking home back-to-back Player of the Year awards in 2013 and 2014. In both years he led the FL in runs scored, and in ’13 also in slugging and OPS for batting .314 with 35 homers, the most of his career. The serial All Star (12 nominations, including nine consecutively 2010 through 2018) took home seven Platinum Sticks, a Gold Glove, and MVP honors in the 2015 FLCS. Nevertheless, a World Series ring was never in the cards for him; the Miners never got over the hump, and he also didn’t find lasting success in a 5-year stint with the Capitals before finishing out his career with short-term engagements in New York, Denver, and Oklahoma City. For his career, he batted .268/.360/.449 with 346 HR and 1,400 RBI. He also stole 169 bases.

Complete results:

SFW SP Samuel McMullen – 2nd – 91.5 – INDUCTED
PIT SS Tom McWhorter – 1st – 89.3 – INDUCTED
??? SP Ernest Green – 1st – 27.4
ATL LF Gil Rockwell – 7th – 23.0
??? CL Jarrod Morrison – 2nd – 21.5
??? SP Ian Van Meter – 2nd – 17.0
LAP C Errol Spears – 2nd – 15.2
PIT SP Pedro Hernandez – 1st – 14.8
ATL SS Devin Hibbard – 1st – 13.3
OCT 2B Emilio Farias – 1st – 11.9
VAN 1B Ray Gilbert – 9th – 11.9
NAS C Pat Walston – 3rd – 10.7
POR LF Ricardo Carmona – 1st – 9.3
SAC CF Ray Meade – 1st – 8.5
??? SP Alejandro Mendez – 1st – 5.9
??? SP Bob King – 8th – 5.6
CHA C Ryan Holliman – 2nd – 4.4 – DROPPED
OCT RF Ezra Branch – 1st – 4.4 – DROPPED
??? RF Justin Dally – 4th – 4.4 – DROPPED
NAS SP Diego Mendoza jr. – 1st – 2.6 – DROPPED
LVA RF Mike Bednarski – 1st – 1.9 – DROPPED
SFB SP Joao Joo – 1st – 1.1 – DROPPED
??? SP Frank Kelly – 1st – 0.7 – DROPPED
??? CL Troy Charters – 1st – 0.4 – DROPPED
POR 2B Shane Walter – 1st – 0.0 – DROPPED

[Westheim]

Shall I be frank? Nothing happened in January after the Hall of Fame ballot came out. Nothing. We didn’t have the funds to pursue anybody (and stopped doing that after signing Okrasinski earlier), and there weren’t any obvious trade moves to be made since I was still not willing to purge our very best prospects for an incremental outfield upgrade. I think we have a very good outfield, and the price to pay for that 2% more just wasn’t worth it.

So the Raccoons consoled themselves making the odd minor league contract offer. The sole exception was a waiver claim on January 31 that saw us add a utility infielder off waivers by the Loggers, 23-year-old Vince Lutch. He had yet to play in AAA, where he was assigned to after hitting for a .727 OPS with a meager BABIP in AA last season. He most likely projected as a Matt Nunley type of third baseman, except that he had some speed, too, at least as long as he fulfilled the potential seen by our head scout, Perez. Or Paredes. Or Polanski. What the **** do I know?

+++

January 8 – The Thunder make a splash by signing ex-SFB CL David Gerow (48-56, 4.03 ERA, 122 SV) to a 3-yr, $6.6M contract.
January 8 – Meanwhile the Bayhawks console themselves with a new closing candidate, trading for the Rebels’ CL Jimmy Lohrey (12-20, 4.59 ERA, 28 SV) in exchange for two prospects.
January 9 – The Cyclones sign former Buffaloes and Blue Sox SS/2B Alex Majano (.310, 17 HR, 477 RBI) to a 2-year contract that will pay the 29-year-old a total of $5.68M.
January 11 – The Stars add ex-VAN SP Logan Bessey (58-63, 3.89 ERA) for 3-yr, $2.53M.
January 24 – One of the remaining star pitchers on the market joins the Capitals: 29-year-old SP Jimmy Souders (46-55, 4.18 ERA), previously of the Warriors, signs a 7-yr, $30.52M contract with Washington.
January 28 – More pitching to the Potomac: the Capitals sign ex-DAL SP/MR Lorenzo Viamontes (66-49, 3.64 ERA, 1 SV) to a 3-yr, $3M contract.

+++

Bad deal for the Warriors – since the Capitals had already forfeited their second-round pick, they only got their third-round pick for the loss of Souders. That was tough luck, especially for a team only measuring up to greatness once every other generation…

Former Furballs in new places: Andy Palomares signed a $366k contract with the Scorpions; Rin Nomura hooked up with the Crusaders for 2-yr, $2.09M; the Rebels got the services of George James secured for 2-yr, $1.26M; Felipe Delgado got $296k from the Pacifics;

[Westheim]

By February we became acutely aware that Travis Giordano wanted out of Pittsburgh. We new him of course as the Crusaders setup man / closer a while back. He had 239 career saves in 12-year career, was 35 years old… and made $1.9M in 2034, the last year of his contract.

Putting him over Prieto was a real option, but we couldn’t do it unless the Miners either picked up salary from us, or would send a truck full (or two) of cash. While they would literally accept any player (like Jason Gurney), they were very much against leaving us with more than $500k and were not into any paid player we would readily get rid of. They were into some of our prospects, like Tony Morales or Jesus Maldonado, 19-year-olds currently considered blue chips, or less highly revered Cory Cronk, a 20-year-old outfielder. They would also begrudgingly accept any of del Rio, Sabre, and Manny Fernandez.

That was too tall a price. Travis Giordano did not become a Raccoon. Nobody else really did, either.

Two weeks from the start of the new season they would even offer a reasonable pitching prospect on top of Giordano for nothing more than Justin Marsingill. Yes, scrambling to find a suitable backup infielder in late March would be an inconvenience, but we’d manage. However, they still refused to offer more than $500k in cash, and we couldn’t swallow $1.2M (after accounting for Marsingill’s minimum contract of $206k).

+++

February 5 – The Crusaders sign ex-RIC SP Joe Hicks (49-74, 4.32 ERA) for 3-yr, $6.56M.
February 11 – Richmond comes up with a closer instead, inking 34-yr old ex-OCT CL Jared Stone (18-23, 3.28 ERA, 53 SV) to a 3-yr, $2.2M deal.
February 19 – The Indians send 3B/1B Josh Conner (.228, 9 HR, 38 RBI) to the Loggers in exchange for MR Chris Tompkins (0-0, 1.98 ERA) and #87 prospect C Sean Ebner, traded for the second time this winter.
March 6 – The Warriors pick up 29-yr old ex-NYC SP Jeremy Truett (60-59, 4.48 ERA, 1 SV) for 4-yr, $16.88M.
March 22 – The Cyclones trade for Vancouver’s OF Brian Wojnarowski (.271, 133 HR, 482 RBI). The 31-year old outfielder nets his former team the services of 1B Tomas Caraballo (.290, 138 HR, 595 RBI) and a prospect.
March 31 – The Crusaders deal SP Ramiro Benavides (110-82, 3.50 ERA) to the Stars in exchange for 1B/C Danny Monge (.324, 13 HR, 93 RBI) and a meager prospect.
April 2 – The Raccoons sign 24-year-old Japanese free agent 1B Chiyosaku Maruyama to a $235k contract.

+++

Maruyama, who signed on Opening Day’s Eve, will be assigned to St. Pete to provide depth there. We didn’t really have a first baseman with the Alley Cats anymore. He has some power potential, so we’ll look into that. Adding Maruyama also filled up the 40-man roster for the time being.

In lesser, hairy news, the Loggers signed Dan McLin to a $310k deal;

And that was the offseason!

[Westheim]

2034 PORTLAND RACCOONS – Opening Day Roster (first set in parenthesis shows 2033 stats, second set career stats; players with an * are off season acquisitions):

SP Gilberto Rendon *, 29, B:R, T:R (14-13, 3.76 ERA | 71-67, 3.91 ERA, 14 SV) – acquired in a trade with the Crusaders, the well-rounded right-hander was anointed Opening Day starter of choice. Rendon usually pitches to his defense, doesn’t walk the world, and will occasionally throw strike three.
SP Bernie Chavez, 25, B:R, T:R (14-8, 3.74 ERA | 20-17, 4.02 ERA) – the first of three youngsters the Raccoons are STILL waiting on to break out; with three main pitches including a 94mph heater, he could use some more movement on the fastball, which comes rather straight and can be tattered, but at least he doesn’t walk everything with legs. He is a bit too familiar with the long ball, though, allowing a dinger about every nine innings for his career.
SP Raffaello Sabre, 25, B:L, T:R (11-13, 3.46 ERA | 19-23, 3.94 ERA) – incremental improvements made Sabre the most steady pitcher in the ’33 rotation, even though he only struck out 5.5 batters per nine innings. In his first full, injury-free season, he kept the ball on the ground, in the park, and usually in reach of the defense. Maybe, some day he can post a winning record…
SP Ignacio del Rio, 24, B:R, T:R (10-8, 3.61 ERA | 23-24, 4.34 ERA) – more young talent in the rotation, pretty decent stuff, but unfortunately with a rotten character that had him pretty soon stamped as clubhouse cancer. The Raccoons are willing to wait for him to turn into a star before they sent him to reeducation camp. For now we’d be content with him shaving another run off his ERA, which he did in his admittedly injury-shortened 2033 campaign.
SP Pat Okrasinski *, 34, B:R, T:R (3-3, 4.28 ERA | 98-94, 3.70 ERA) – signed as free agent, Okrasinski comes off two years littered with injuries and meh performances; about three or four years ago he looked like one of the best pitchers in the game. Maybe he can recapture that magic; the Coons forked over half a million and change to try and find out.

MR Victor Anaya, 31, B:R, T:R (4-4, 3.28 ERA, 4 SV | 12-11, 3.36 ERA, 4 SV) – pretty solid and reliable middle reliever that doesn’t get a lot of strikeouts, but also doesn’t make too many mistakes. Posted identical 3.28 ERA’s in the last two seasons.
MR Antonio Prieto, 23, B:R, T:R (2-1, 2.13 ERA | 2-1, 2.13 ERA) – acquired in the Joe Vanatti trade to the Thunder three winters ago, Prieto and his devastating slideball debuted late in 2033 and presented himself well enough in 15 outings to be re-invited to the squad right away in ‘34.
MR John Hennessy, 26, B:L, T:L (1-2, 3.42 ERA | 10-4, 2.81 ERA, 1 SV) – could not rekindle the fire of his first full season, where he struck out more than a guy per inning and walked hardly anybody. The numbers in ’33 didn’t hold up and he also allowed four homers in 47 innings to get the ERA up.
MR David Fernandez, 27, B:L, T:L (5-2, 2.83 ERA | 8-6, 2.65 ERA) – another reliever that posted the same ERA two years in a row; this 2027 fifth-rounder flummoxed batters with a vicious slider, even though the fastball didn’t always arrive in the correct zip code, but which young lefty ever gets it over precisely where the catcher points at…? And how long are lefties rightfully called “young”?
SU Ed Blair, 31, B:R, T:R (7-2, 1.87 ERA, 2 SV | 41-27, 3.19 ERA, 38 SV) – right-handed veteran that performed stunningly well in his first season on the Willamette and was rewarded with a 3-year extension. No, no, it will be fine…!
SU Mauricio Garavito, 32, B:L, T:L (3-2, 3.32 ERA | 18-17, 2.84 ERA, 9 SV) – left-hander with balanced splits that was claimed off waivers by the Bayhawks early in the 2029 season when Jeremy Moesker turned out to be a turd. Has since been really reliable, and in major news has yet to make us regret having given him a 4-year contract prior to the 2032 season.
CL Chris Wise, 27, B:R, T:R (3-1, 2.19 ERA, 40 SV | 13-8, 2.53 ERA, 99 SV) – the Tennesseeian groundballer Wise has become the first reliever to hold down the closer assignment for more than five minutes in recent memory and we generally don’t have too many complaints about what he does, although 8.8 K/9 is not exactly outrageous for a closer.

C Elliott Thompson, 24, B:L, T:R (.257, 1 HR, 40 RBI | .240, 5 HR, 52 RBI) – his offense was nothing to write home about, but it was enough to beat up veteran Fernando Garcia (since dispatched of) and become pretty much the regular catcher for the Raccoons in his first full season in the majors. Very good defensive catcher, calling a smart game, and maybe he can find that stick at some point, too...
C Philip Scheffer *, 33, B:S, T:R (.216, 9 HR, 43 RBI | .234, 22 HR, 143 RBI) – primarily a defensive catcher, who won the 2033 CL Gold Glove, hitting precious little. The about 100th catcher on a 1-year deal we signed in the last ten years.

1B Travis Zitzner, 30, B:R, T:L (.290, 21 HR, 84 RBI | .283, 54 HR, 243 RBI) – put up his best offensive season at age 29, which can be read either way. His .823 OPS was an actual offensive asset, but we still hoped for more power, which is not likely to develop anymore in his 30s…
2B/SS Tim Stalker, 35, B:R, T:R (.281, 11 HR, 48 RBI | .261, 106 HR, 664 RBI) – very good defensive middle infielder, more than just token speed, and most of the time also a good batter, at least until he hit a snag right after signing that big extension. He did however put up his best offensive season in five years and picked up his player option for ’34, so he’ll hopefully keep swinging. We hope his six Gold Gloves mean he can hold the fort at the keystone a while longer even after turning 36 in July.
SS Alberto Ramos, 28, B:L, T:R (.315, 4 HR, 57 RBI | .316, 18 HR, 348 RBI) – Berto won his first batting title with a late-season, last-week surge, also leading the CL in hits with a crisp 200 knocks. He missed only two games, the third time in four years that he largely held up and stayed on the field. He is signed through the 2038 season and if he keeps challenging an .800 OPS with above-average defense and 40+ stolen bases, that contract will always be a gainer for us.
SS/3B Bob Zeltser, 29, B:L, T:R (.284, 6 HR, 55 RBI | .306, 58 HR, 342 RBI) – acquired from the Capitals in late July, Zeltser didn’t quite hit for his previous average or reached base at the previous rate. He does however bring a potential Gold Glove to the hot corner (though he’s never won a defensive award) and has hit .300 five times, three times while qualifying.
3B/SS/2B Tom Hawkins, 32, B:R, T:R (.270, 3 HR, 21 RBI | .281, 38 HR, 340 RBI) – maintained a rather low profile for most of his first season in Portland; will be in a contract year and doesn’t figure to get a big check from us down the road, either.
3B/2B/SS/RF Justin Marsingill, 27, B:R, T:R (.288, 4 HR, 40 RBI | .272, 5 HR, 64 RBI) – versatile infielder that had a rather torrid first half of 2033 filling in here and there, but fell off the cliff in the last two months and was hardly used at all in September. It’s not like we had much better options, though.

LF/RF Jimmy Wallace, 27, B:L, T:L (.290, 14 HR, 77 RBI | .284, 41 HR, 232 RBI) – 44 extra base hits for the second straight year, although we would like a few more homers from Wallace, who is nothing short of a disaster on defense; he’s so bad in the field, his 1.1 WAR in ’33 was the best of his career, despite hitting in the mid-to-high 700s in terms of OPS every full season he’s played.
CF/LF Adrian Reichardt, 36, B:R, T:R (.260, 6 HR, 39 RBI | .275, 118 HR, 849 RBI) – Reichardt had won everything there was to win with the Titans, but then lost the fight against Moises Avila who was more than a decade his junior and waived his 10/5 rights to join the Critters and to get back into the starting lineup. His first season in Portland was marred by numerous injuries, holding him to 99 games. He fielded better than he hit, but was not exactly a Gold Glove centerfielder (he won five such awards with Boston) in his age 35 season.
RF/LF/CF Manny Fernandez, 24, B:L, T:L (.276, 6 HR, 36 RBI | .276, 6 HR, 36 RBI) – the #5 pick in the 2031 draft made his debut when Adrian Reichardt went to the DL early in the 2033 season and never went away again, amassing almost 400 plate appearances. He is in some sort of time-share accommodation with the veteran Reichardt, who will be in his walk year, and figures to get a healthy share of the playing time, and there’s also always the need for a defensive replacement for Jimmy Wallace.
RF/LF/CF Billy Jennings, 30, B:L, T:L (.272, 3 HR, 44 RBI | .259, 47 HR, 285 RBI) – acquired in a trade with the Cyclones, prior to ’33, Jennings wowed exactly nobody, leaving all the power on the Cincinnati bus and going deep only three times, and landing only 24 extra-base hits in 364 at-bats. He still figures to be a starter, thrown in with Reichardt and Fernandez for two of the outfield spots.
RF/LF/3B/CF Hugo Salgado *, 25, B:R, T:R (.251, 3 HR, 29 RBI | .268, 9 HR, 117 RBI) – arriving in a mostly overlooked trade with the Scorpions, Salgado figures to get most of his playing time against southpaws in place of Jennings and Fernandez, but also opens another opportunity to play a right-hander at third base.

On disabled list: Nobody.
MR Nick Bates, 28, B:R, T:R (3-0, 1.04 ERA | 6-0, 2.41 ERA) – just when Bates shook off his earlier command jitters and became a lights-out reliever in an ever-more-prominent role, he tore elbow ligaments and disappeared to the DL in August. Will miss at least the first two months of the season.

Otherwise unavailable: Nobody.

Other roster movement:
CF/3B/SS/LF/2B/RF Sean Catella, 29, B:S, T:R (.393, 1 HR, 4 RBI | .235, 1 HR, 25 RBI) – waived and DFA’ed; while 2033 was by far his most successful cup of coffee, it was only 28 at-bats, and ultimately he brings nothing to the table besides some degree of versatility and modest demands from the team kitchen.
RF/CF/3B/2B Preston Pinkerton, 28, B:R, T:R (.236, 1 HR, 9 RBI | .260, 2 HR, 28 RBI) – a man of many talents, this pale-faced sophomore not only showed of good defense and strong and agile hindpaws, but also continued to pitch a few garbage innings for Portland in ’33. He almost out-did Justin LeDuc; both had ERA’s in the 20s.

Everybody not mentioned by now has already been waived or reassigned during the offseason.

OPENING DAY LINEUP:

(Vs. RHP: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P)
Vs. LHP: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – C Thompson – P

We have six left-handed, six right-handed, and one switch-hitting batter (Scheffer), so there will always be someone facing a same-handed pitcher. Then again, most of the time that’s gonna be Wallace or Zitzner, so it could be worse…

OFF SEASON CHANGES:

Last year the Coons led the BNN offseason WAR gains table and turned it into 18 games on the field, most since 2007. This year we hope that we can go against the trend, because BNN has us 17th with a loss of 4.4 WAR compared to ’33. However, there’s a caveat: of the 9.0 WAR lost between 14 players, more than two thirds are accounted for by Mario Rosas, but Rosas only pitched 14 games for Portland, posting 2.0 WAR. Taking out his deeds for the Knights before the ultimately pointless trade for him, we’re pretty much right at zero.

Top 5: Capitals (+19.5), Warriors (+6.1), Titans (+3.8), Stars (+3.2), Scorpions (+2.8)
Bottom 5: Canadiens (-4.9), Blue Sox (-4.9), Crusaders (-5.0), Gold Sox (-5.2), Loggers (-5.5)

Then again, WAR’s a useless stat. The game is played on the field, boys!

PREDICTION TIME:

Last year I picked the Critters to win 76, or maybe even 85 if everything clicked. We won 86, because most everything did actually click. The pitching got better, the offense got better, and at least Jimmy Wallace caught the balls hit straight into his kisser.

Our young rotation is still able to make improvements, and who knows whether Manny Fernandez will break out? Getting rid of Rico Gutierrez should alone add five wins to the tally!

The Titans are old and crummy at least in some areas, so maybe they will continue to be slow and weak, and some huffing and puffing can actually topple them this time.

The Raccoons will win 90 games, and will at least make it close again in terms of the division.

PLAYER DEVELOPMENT:

During their years of dominance and two titles in the late 20s, the Coons completely burned down their farm to find more bits and pieces and ranked last in young material for the meat mincer several times before starting a slow rally that began to accelerate with a 17th place among all teams in 2031, 8th place the year after, and finally second place last time around.

We didn’t make it all the way to the top, but we placed third in the annual assessment, only a slight regression. One year ago the Critters promoted six of their 16 ranked prospects, then had 13 ranked prospects overall, including eight in the top 75. We’re not quite there this time around, despite only promoting Manny Fernandez (#64) to a point where he no longer was rookie eligible.

We did shed a few ranked prospects in trades, however; #130 Jason Lucas and #153 Dusty Mahaney were turned into Hugo Salgado; #7 Julian Ponce was traded to the Crusaders in the Rendon deal (and dropped to #15); and #34 Juan Cerezo was sent to Atlanta in the ultimately unsuccessful Mario Rosas trade. The only prospect ranked in 2033 that was no longer ranked this season, but still with the organization, was #74 Darren Brown, who sort of disappeared from BNN’s radar altogether. Nevertheless we have 14 ranked prospects this year, one more than last time, but only five of them are in the top 100 – those however are all in the top 60.

5th (-2) – A OF/3B/1B Jesus Maldonado, 20 – 2032 international free agent signed by Raccoons
21st (-8) – AA SP Brandon Williams, 21 – 2032 first-round pick by Raccoons
30th (new) – A SP Mike Lang, 19 – 2033 first-round pick by Raccoons
47th (+5) – AAA SP Jonathan Dykstra, 24 – 2031 supplemental round pick by Raccoons
58th (+8) – AA SP Jonathan Galvan, 22 – 2028 international free agent signed by Raccoons

121st (new) – AAA INF Vince Lutch, 23 – 2029 second-round pick by Wolves, claimed off waivers by Loggers
125th (+50) – A OF Dave Mendoza, 19 – 2031 international free agent signed by Raccoons
148th (new) – A SP Rodger Arrendell, 19 – 2031 international free agent signed by Raccoons
152nd (new) – AAA SP Tom Miller, 24 – 2031 ninth-round pick by Raccoons
161st (-54) – AA SS/2B Jose Agosto, 20 – 2030 international free agent signed by Raccoons

169th (new) – A OF/2B Cory Cronk, 20 – 2032 third-round pick by Raccoons
181st (new) – AA LF/1B Will Luna, 21 – 2031 first-round pick by Raccoons
182nd (-40) – AA INF Vincent Zesati, 21 – 2029 international free agent signed by Raccoons
183rd (new) – A SP Willie Gallardo, 19 – 2031 international free agent signed by Raccoons

The top 5 overall prospects this year are:

#1 CHA A SS/2B Tony Aparicio (newly drafted)
#2 PIT AA INF Sergio Barcia (was #1)
#3 LVA ML SP Chris Crowell (was #2)
#4 IND AA SP Ricky Sanchez (was #18)
#5 POR A OF/3B/1B Jesus Maldonado (was #3)

Last year’s #5, Capitals SP Jerry Banda, is expected to make his major league debut before long, but didn’t make the Opening Day roster. He was ranked #7 in this year’s listing. It was a gentler fate than that befalling Sacramento’s old #4 prospect, OF/SS Jesus Banuelas, who hit nothing much in AA and dropped all the way to #42.

Next: first pitch.

[Questdog]

Excuse me, Mr. General Manager, sir. I am sorry to bother you, but I am a sports management major at Earl's Online University and we are studying some baseball stuff right now and after reading your comments, I asked Earl this question, but he has not yet responded, so I thought I would ask you to see if you would respond. I am curious as to why you would sign 10 catchers per season to 1 year deals. Sorry, that is not a question. Okay, why have you signed 10 catchers per season to 1 year deals and is this something that everyone does or should do or is it your own personal strategy that you have devised and if so, what are the merits of this and how many of these 10 catchers do you put on the 25 man roster or do you put them all on the 25 man roster and if so, how do you get the 7 other position players to fit onto the 25 man roster or do the catchers all play the other positions and if so, how do they know how to play all the positions or do you teach them all the positions and if so, who does this teaching and is this a job that I could apply for? Sorry, that was more than one question, but I would really like to know the answer to it.....

[Westheim]

Well, the actual number is a surprisingly a bit lower than 100. It's closer to...

2027 - Jing-quo Liu for $270k
2030 - Mike Pizzo for $1.3M
2032 - Josh Wool for $500k
2034 - Philip Scheffer for $375k

... four. Huh! I must have used hyperbole. Which is okay as long as you only use it to the media and not when filing financial statements with the league, the IRS, and your owner. - Hold on, Steve from Accounting. - Is that...? - Oh. - (manually changes the second 1 in the 11,703 season tickets sold to a 4) Send it to Valdes like that.

Generally, two catchers are enough, three are plenty, and four are too much. There can never be too much hyperbole, though, especially if the team has been in the weeds for a few years. But truth be told, if you do too much signing of catchers, ultimately you have to make cuts in other areas... which is why Cristiano Carmona now does double duty as infield coach. (looks out the window onto the field where Cristiano tried to show off a slide and now can't get back onto his four wheels)

I hope I could help you with your studies! You have chosen a good path towards a great future at Earl's Online University.

And say Hi to Earl from me. (blows dust off his 1973 certificate from Earl's Hot Dogs & Management Degrees)

[Questdog]

Dear Mr. General Manager, sir, thank you for your quick response, but I am not so good with geometry, so I guess I will wait for Earl's answer.

P.S. I have never met Earl. We only speak through email and you can email him yourself at earl@eou.orgy

[Westheim]

Raccoons (0-0) vs. Canadiens (0-0) – April 3-5, 2034

Nothing quite like starting the year with an intense stench laying itself onto the ballpark. The Elks were in for three games, and we really didn’t want that early-season stumble that we had last year *now*. We had beaten them 12 times in ’33 – better keep up that good form!

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (0-0) vs. Steve Corcoran (0-0)
Bernie Chavez (0-0) vs. Fernando Nora (0-0)
Raffaello Sabre (0-0) vs. Geoff Swayze (0-0)

We would start the year with two southpaws in the first set; only Nora was a right-hander.

Game 1
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – SS L. Hernandez – CF Creech – P Corcoran
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – C Thompson – P Rendon

Rendon got swatted for a run before he registered an out, which was such a great way to start a season against the damn Elks. D.J. Robinson walked, scored on a Dusty Mezzanotte debut double, and Jesse LeJeune dropped in a shallow single before Rendon found an actual working pitch and rung up Toby Ross and Will Korecky. Eric Morrow fouled out, stranding Elks on the corners. Rendon also issued a leadoff walk to Lazaro Hernandez in the second, but kept his crap together after that and actually logged a few outs. Meanwhile, the Raccoons reached once the first time through, and that was Tim Stalker getting hit in the bum with a 2-1 pitch. Their first base hit was a 2-out single by Berto in the bottom 3rd, extending a 10-game hitting streak started six months and small change ago. He was left on.

Glue-like offense – right in the zone on day one, I see! – held the Raccoons to one run in six innings and Rendon to a no-decision after expending 103 pitches and whiffing eight through six. Straight 2-out singles by Reichardt, Zeltser, and Salgado had tied the score at one in the bottom 4th, and there we still were in the top of the seventh inning with the Elks starting from the top against David Fernandez, who put LeJeune (walk) and Ross (single) on the corners before yielding to Ed Blair with two outs. Blair stacked the sacks with a free pass to Korecky, but got Morrow to ground out, stranding three. Blair did the eighth, too, which put him in line for the W when the stars finally aligned again for some Furball offense. Tim Stalker hit a 1-out double past LeJeune in the eighth, then scored swiftly on a Jimmy Wallace single… before Wallace was thrown out at second base on a wholly botched hit-and-run call. Chris Wise faced the top of the order in the ninth inning, served up a first-pitch leadoff triple to D.J. Robinson, and that ninth pretty soon looked like the first, only ****ing worse. Mezzanotte doubled – tying the damn Elks’ franchise record for doubles (3) in his ****ing debut – and LeJeune hit an RBI single to flip the score entirely. The 4-5-6 batters stranded him, but the agony was definitely there. And it remained. Jennings struck out against Dusty Kulp in the bottom 9th, and Salgado grounded out harmlessly. Thompson walked, Tom Hawkins singled, but Ramos struck out to end the game. 3-2 Canadiens. Wallace 2-4, RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 8 K;

Thinking about it, I’d rather have another 90 months of offseason…

Game 2
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – SS L. Hernandez – CF Creech – P Nora
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Chavez

A drag bunt, a bloop single by the already reviled Mezzanotte, and the damn Elks were in business right in the first. Chavez right away seemed to have absolutely nothing. Ross and Korecky would hit RBI singles to hammer home the point early. It was 4-0 in the second, courtesy of a leadoff homer by Gabe Creech, who had been nailed by Rendon twice – which I was okay with since I couldn’t stand his ****ing face either – and took it out on Bernie. Robinson then ripped another triple and scored on a Mezzanotte single.

The Raccoons would have six base hits in the first three innings against Nora and didn’t score anything. Zitzner hit into a double play with two aboard in the first, Manny Fernandez reached and was left in the second, and they filled the bags in the third before Tim Stalker flew out to Creech in center to strand them all. Portland only got on board in the fourth, in which Billy Jennings drew a walk, stole second, then was plated by Ramos with a 2-out single. Berto also stole his first base of the season, but was left when Bob Zeltser flew out casually. The following inning we had a 45-minute rain delay – remember, rainy season in Portland is from July until June – and that would prove the end of Bernie Chavez, who had thrown 76 pitches, most of them poor, in five innings, getting lit up for eight hits and four quick runs. Nora returned after the rain, but only barely made it to qualifying distance for a win. He was lifted after walking Thompson with one out in the bottom 6th, replaced by Cameron Cherry, a 30-year-old southpaw that had most recently seen ABL action with the Wolves… in *2028*! Was THAT the sort of team you runts of the litter were going to drop to 0-2 against??? SCORE SOME ****ING RUNS!! … Reichardt batting for Prieto and walking sure helped, for it brought up Ramos with the tying run. Berto flew out to Korecky, though, and while Zeltser hit a soft single to load them up, Wallace grounded out to Eric Morrow, leading the Critters to strand their second full set of the game. Instead, the damn, STUPID Elks tacked on a run against Portland in the seventh. Garavito walked Pat Pohl in the #9 hole to begin the inning, and when Robinson failed to lay down a bunt, Garavito threw a wild pitch to advance the runner to second base anyway. Robinson grounded out, but Mezzanotte (screams!!) dropped an RBI single between Ramos and Wallace to get the run home, 5-1.

Bottom 7th, Cherry still hard at work, and maybe there was a reason he hadn’t seen action in six years. Before long, two singles and a walk loaded the bases and brought up Jennings as the tying run, with nobody out to boot. Cherry fell to 3-1 before Jennings inexplicably poked and popped out, with an audible “hh!!!” from the crowd. Even Slappy shook his head. Thompson whiffed. Marsingill batted for Garavito and held the **** still after the count went to 3-0. Cherry walked in a run, and then Ramos bid for a gapper, but LeJeune caught the damn thing on the run, stranding ANOTHER three. Rather the damn Elks scored an unearned run on John Hennessy in the ninth. A Zeltser error was involved, but then there were also three base hits. Of course Mezzanotte, the hideous little rat, got the RBI, his fifth of the series, and career. …and then after all that pain, the damn Critters brought the tying run to the plate once more in the bottom 9th. At that point it would be Ramos with two outs, following on a Jennings double, Thompson RBI single, and a pinch-walk by Hawkins. Ramos grinded Dusty Kulp for nine pitches, including four fouls, the last of them an RBI single up the middle, bringing up the winning run in Bob Zeltser, who grounded out to Morrow. 6-4 Canadiens. Ramos 2-6, 2 RBI; Zeltser 2-6; Wallace 2-5; Zitzner 3-5, 2B; Thompson 2-4, BB, RBI;

(without a word, opens the drop drawer, pulls out a buzzer, places it on the desk, and hits it with full force – a siren goes off, concealed lights all over the room flash red, and across the big window to the playing field a banner reading “PANIC!!” unfurls)

Game 3
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – SS L. Hernandez – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – 1B Caraballo – CF Pohl – P Swayze
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – RF Salgado – C Scheffer – P Sabre

While Philip Scheffer was the final non-starting pitcher to make his first appearance of the season, Tom Hawkins was on his first lineup assignment, but lasted only into the bottom 2nd, banging his knee on a slide into second base after doubling to right. Justin Marsingill replaced him while the Critters had a chance here with Reichardt on third base and nobody out. Hugo Salgado grounded out to the mound, and Scheffer at least made it a 1-0 game with a sac fly to Pat Pohl in center. Sabre was rung up, but at least had yet to allow an Elk on base. Tomas Caraballo and Pohl promptly hit singles past either side of Tim Stalker to go to the corners in the top 3rd. Swayze bunted Pohl to second, but Robinson bounced out to Zitzner, runners holding, and Hernandez popped out. Good! Glad to have gotten rid of the midnight-shaped death squad in the #2 hole!!

Berto singled and was moved around to score on a Zitzner base knock in the bottom 3rd, making it 2-0, and while Korecky reached against Sabre in the fourth, he was caught stealing. The bottom of the inning saw the Coons’ first homer of the year, and it was the same guy that had landed their first RBI, Hugo Salgado. After Marsingill drew the leadoff walk against Swayze, Salgado ripped a 2-2 pitch over the fence in left-center, putting us up 4-0. Sabre had a knack of getting back into trouble, however, allowing 2-out, 2-strike singles to both Pohl and Swayze (…) in the top 5th before ringing up Robinson to escape. All would be well for Sabre through six, but come the seventh he issued a leadoff walk to Korecky and then served up a blast to Eric Morrow, cutting the 4-0 lead in half. He retired the next three, but with only a 4-2 lead and three left-handers coming up in the top 8th, Sabre was lifted after only 92 pitches. Fernandez and Prieto ending up piecing the eighth inning together and setting up Chris Wise for a chance at making good this time. So he served up a leadoff triple to Will Korecky this time… Morrow scored him with a grounder, and the cushion was gone. Caraballo grounded out, and then Mezzanotte, the skunk, hit for Pohl… but struck out. 4-3 Coons. Stalker 2-4; Hawkins 1-1, 2B; Salgado 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (1-0);

Tom Hawkins would be hampered with a bum knee for the rest of the week, but could be used if absolutely necessary. Maybe not for pinch-running…

Raccoons (1-2) vs. Condors (2-2) – April 7-9, 2034

The Condors came off a high-gasoline split with the Aces in which both pitching staffs had suffered plenty of abuse. As a consequence of this and having played four games when most teams had played only three, the Condors led the league in runs scored, something the Coons were not bloody close to… The Condors had beaten us, 5-4, last season.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (0-0) vs. Robbie Ciampa (0-0)
Pat Okrasinski (0-0) vs. Mario Rosas (0-1, 7.50 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (0-0, 1.50 ERA) vs. George Griffin (0-0, 5.40 ERA)

Rosas would be the third southpaw of the week. We’ve seen that guy before, if only I knew where and when…

Game 1
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – LF Sung – 1B Kramer – 2B Ryu – P Ciampa
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P del Rio

Portland got on the board first thanks to a pair of doubles hit by Stalker and Thompson in the second inning, giving them a 1-0 lead. While Chris Murphy and Chris Miller landed base hits to go to the corners with one out in the following inning, Willie Ojeda’s grounder to short cleaned up in 6-4-3 fashion, but that didn’t mean del Rio wouldn’t find some other stupid way to throw the lead away; granted, the handbrake-engaged offense of the early days of the season was no help, directly or indirectly, but Robby Ciampa hitting a 1-out double in the fifth and then moving up on a 2-strike groundout and scoring on a 2-strike balk was extraordinarily nerve-straining. While del Rio hit a 2-out double himself in the bottom of the inning, Ramos couldn’t get the ball past Hiroaki Ryu and the chance was wasted again. Bob Zeltser would open the sixth with a single, his third hit in the game, then advanced on a Wallace groundout. When Zitzner hit a roller near the first base line, Ciampa had to hurry and threw the ball from insecure footing, and while actually falling down. Ken Kramer couldn’t come up with the wayward toss and the Coons got two bases and the go-ahead run, restoring their lead, on the throwing error.

The joy lasted but briefly; Kramer came back with a 1-out homer in the seventh and del Rio walked both PH Ken Hess and Murphy before being yanked with two outs and PH Bobby Fernandez wiggling a stick in place of Chris Miller. Garavito came on, fanned him, and kept the game locked at two, and that score remained true through the middle of the ninth with Garavito and Blair splitting the duties there while the offense still tried to find out which end of the bat was supposed to be up and which side they could put bacon on. Manny Fernandez, Tim Stalker, and Adrian Reichardt (hitting for Blair) amounted to nothing against Ciampa in his ninth inning, and the game went to extras, where the Coons got a quick 10th from Hennessy, but the bottom of the inning only saw Ramos hit a single – but this killed the oh-fer and kept his hitting streak alive, now at 14 games. Come the 11th, Chris Wise tried to blow his third game after Hennessy got rid of Ojeda to begin the inning. He walked the skunk weasel Shane Sanks, almost gave up a bomb to Jose Flores that Hugo Salgado caught at the fence, then dropped Zitzner’s feed on Yeong-ha Sung’s grounder for an error. When Kramer grounded to first, Zitzner handled it himself to end the inning. Ray Andrews’ surrender of a leadoff double in left-center to Jimmy Wallace put the winning run in scoring position in the bottom 11th. Zitzner flew out, Fernandez was walked intentionally, Stalker whiffed, and Marsingill, in the #7 hole after a second double switch, fell to 0-2 before poking and half falling over home plate. The ball went over the middle infielders into shallow center for a single and Wallace had been a-running with two strikes … and he barely scored for the first walkoff of the year. 3-2 Blighters. Zeltser 3-5; Marsingill 1-1, RBI; Salgado 1-2, 2B; Blair 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Man, I’d be up for one of those 5-run first innings now.

Wouldn’t hurt to get it against Rosas either. For the good vibes, you know?

Game 2
TIJ: 1B Zuazo – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – LF B. Fernandez – CF Sung – C J. Wood – 2B Hughes – P Rosas
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – RF Salgado – 3B Marsingill – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Shockingly, nothing of the sort happened and the Coons went down in order all the way until Okrasinski became unglued at the seams in the third inning, walking Alvin Suazo, who stole second base, as well as Miller, threw a wild pitch, then nailed Ojeda anyway, all with one out. That brought up the skunk weasel, so I wisely marked down a 4 on my scorecard before the supersized rodent had even scratched out a burrow in the batter’s box. The Condors got two in the end, on a Sanks single no less, with Bobby Fernandez grounding out and Sung flying out to Reichardt in center. But that was bad enough!! Jimmy Wood still made it 3-0 with a homer in the fourth. Zitzner hit a solo jack of his own in the bottom of the inning, but was not even the first Critter to reach base. The first two Raccoons on board had been Okrasinski and Stalker … both nailed by Rosas. Berto had grounded out to end the bottom 3rd, and Wallace had hit into a double play to get rid of the runner in front of Zitzner, again, splendid defense all around, and I had Maud drafting up player contracts for Slappy, Chad, Cristiano, and even ****ing Steve from Accounting at that precise moment…

Okrasinski remained stuck in the morass, walked Sanks in the fifth and threw another wild pitch. Somehow the Condors let him live another inning. Wood hit another bomb in the sixth, though, and Andy Hughes doubled and came around on a wild pitch and a Miller sac fly, zooming the Condors out to 5-1. Hennessy replaced the yanked Okrasinski with two outs and got out of the damn inning. The plunkfest continued with Rosas nicking Wallace to begin the bottom 7th, although that probably wasn’t intentional, just not giving a ****. Zitzner doubled to left, which was his second base hit in the game, and the same was true for the team as an entity. The tying run DID however appear in the on-deck circle for a change… Reichardt swung and missed in a full count, but Salgado looped a ball over Miller’s head for an RBI single, bringing the tying run to the plate in, uh, the pitcher. For a team with vague aspirations we were double-switching in the middle innings way too much!! Tom Hawkins found himself good enough to pinch-hit and socked a ball over Bobby Fernandez for a double, plating a pair, but Rosas eloped by retiring Thompson and Zeltser, keeping the tying run stranded. Thompson also committed a gross throwing error that put Wood on second base to begin the eighth inning, and the kit Prieto couldn’t keep that run from scoring, either. That would not turn out to be the difference… for that the Raccoons would have had to at least reach base in the last two innings… 6-4 Condors. Zitzner 2-4, HR, 2B, RBI; Hawkins (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI;

To be honest, so far, I don’t like anything they’re doing…

Game 3
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – SS C. Miller – RF Willie Ojeda – 3B Sanks – LF B. Fernandez – C J. Flores – 1B Zuazo – 2B Hughes – P Griffin
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Rendon

Pitcher’s stupidity only got worse in the Sunday game, which had me screaming obscenities by the second inning, as usual. Rendon retired the first five, then allowed a single to Jose Flores. Seamlessly that bled into an RBI triple into the rightfield corner hit by Alvin Zuazo, then a wild pitch in a 1-2 count. Seriously! What the **** is wrong with you lot!? Wild pitches, balks, errors galore! At least they knew how to keep the double play machine whirring – Ramos drew a leadoff walk in the first, and was swiftly polished off by Zeltser’s grounder to short. Jennings drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 3rd and was caught stealing – wonderful!

The skunk weasel hit one outta here to extend the Condors’ lead to 3-0 in the fourth inning, which also saw three more singles to load the bases off the bats of Fernandez, Zuazo, and Hughes. Somehow Griffin didn’t hit a triple, but struck out, and Murphy grounded out to first base to strand all three of the lot. The Raccoons had yet to get a base hit at all; Ramos drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 4th and was caught stealing on a pitch in the dirt, which … whatever! Wallace also walked, the fourth free pass issued by Griffin, but Zitzner grounded out to Hughes to end the inning. With nothing working at all, Rendon allowed straight singles to the 6-7-8 batters to begin the sixth, which cost him another run, and was yanked after Griffin’s bunt moved Zuazo and Hughes into scoring position with one out. Garavito coaxed a comebacker from Murphy and as lucky that Miller lined right into Stalker’s mitten to strand the runners in a 4-0 game in which the Raccoons were by now out-hit eleven-zip. But – oh surprise! – they couldn’t even get no-hit correctly, and Elliott Thompson opened the bottom 6th with a double to right. It didn’t come as a shock that nothing came of the 2-base hit to begin the frame. Reichardt popped out, Ramos whiffed, and Zeltser walked, making way for Wallace’s inning-ending grounder to Hughes’ shoes.

Zitzner tried the leadoff double approach in the bottom 7th, still in a 4-0 game. Fernandez walked, which was the sixth free pass doled out by Griffin and also the last one. Jose Ornelas replaced him, whiffed Stalker, but allowed a single to center against Billy Jennings. Murphy overran the ball, and the error got Portland on the board, 4-1, with runners in scoring position and the tying run at the plate. Thompson hit a comebacker, Philip Scheffer walked in the #9 hole, and then Berto Ramos popped out over home plate to strand another set of three in this week from hell, which continued unabated through a Wallace single, Zitzner walk, and Stalker RBI single off three different pitchers in the bottom 8th. Stalker’s single came with two outs, and also ended the inning when Zitzner was sent around from second base and thrown out at home plate. Somehow they still brought up the tying run in the bottom 9th when Salgado batted for Jennings and legged out an infield single against Steve Gowan, who was immediately replaced with another left-hander in Adam Moran, who struck out Thompson. Hawkins batted for Blair and flew out to left-center where Bobby Fernandez tumbled and rolled, but held on to the ball and didn’t break both legs, either. Ramos was up with two outs, 15-game hitting streak on the line… and struck out. 4-2 Condors. Jennings 1-2, BB, RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1;

In other news

April 4 – DAL SP Eric Weitz (1-0, 0.00 ERA) spins a 1-hit shutout against the Gold Sox in a 3-0 victory. OF Federico Nuno (.333, 0 HR, 0 RBI) has the sole Denver hit, a second-inning single.
April 4 – The first hit of the season for ATL OF/1B/2B Luis Inoa (.167, 1 HR, 1 RBI) is a walkoff homer off SFB Joe Dishon (0-1, 3.00 ERA) in the 16th inning, ending hours of scorelessness with a 3-2 Knights victory.
April 6 – The rare instance of a game suspended further than the following day occurs in the Scorpions-Wolves contest. Ill weather interrupts proceedings in the seventh inning after the Scorpions had just turned a 3-2 deficit into a 5-3 lead. The game will be picked up on April 28.
April 7 – 39-year-old and superbly salaried TOP LF/RF Pablo Sanchez (.200, 0 HR, 1 RBI) is diagnosed with a severe concussion that could render him out for the rest of the season or even end his career.
April 8 – The Aces score four on the Titans’ pen in the ninth inning to break a 6-2 tie, then collapse to concede five runs in the bottom 9th to allow Boston to walk off, 7-6, on four hits, three of them in the ninth inning, including the walkoff homer by outfielder Mark Walker (.500, 2 HR, 6 RBI).
April 8 – The Loggers crush the Thunder with a 10-run first inning before zooming out to win a 15-2 laugher. The bottom three players in the lineup all drive in three runs: Omar Huerta (.353, 1 HR, 5 RBI), Rodrigo Canas (.222, 0 HR, 3 RBI), and also pitcher Cody Chamberlin (.500, 0 HR, 3 RBI).
April 9 – The Knights rap out 12 hits in a regulation game and still get shutout, stranding 13 runners in a 2-0 loss to the Indians.

Complaints and stuff

Well, that was horrendous. Everybody was horrendous. Sometimes you can measure “horrendous” in many ways, but how about no player penciled into the lineup getting a 2-run hit the entire week? The only guy that did it was Hawkins on Saturday, and that was as pinch-hitter with the bum knee.

Nope, that was a bottomless week, we’re already three games behind Boston, and I don’t know what I had drunk when I proclaimed 90 wins were possible. This team will have a hard time winning 19….

We lost our 4,500th regular season game on Sunday. They also played like there’s a real chance for 4,600 this year…

Fun Fact: After sucking all life out of the Raccoons in the first two games of the season and his career, Dusty Mezzanotte went 2-for-13 against the Bayhawks on the weekend.

I mean, yeah, well, that’s… that’s …

Uff.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (2-4) @ Bayhawks (3-3) – April 10-12, 2034

Not only the Raccoons had not hit for any lick worth cleaning up afterwards in the opening week; the Bayhawks had scored two runs fewer even, but had won a game more, despite giving up as many runs. Last year we won six games from them after making off winners only once in 2032 when facing San Francisco.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 7.20 ERA) vs. Ben Lipsky (1-0, 3.38 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (1-0, 2.57 ERA) vs. Josh Walsh (0-1, 7.71 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (0-0, 2.70 ERA) vs. Steve Younts (0-1, 6.23 ERA)

Only right-handed starters to be found in this series!

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Chavez
SFB: CF Cassell – 3B D. Myers – RF Suhay – 1B Levis – 2B J. Cruz – LF Hawthorne – C M. Thompson – SS A. Castillo – P Lipsky

The Raccoons actually didn’t start the game asleep; Zeltser reached base, Zitzner hit a blast, and it was 2-0 before the opposing team could have a poke. When they had a poke, they got Ryan Cassell on base with a leadoff walk in the first, and Mike Thompson in the third with a single. Both were double-played into oblivion by the following batters, Dave Myers and Alex Castillo, respectively. The first Bayhawk to reach and not disappear into thin air after doing so was Ben Suhay, walking with two outs in the fourth. He was stranded when Bernie whiffed Doug Levis, his fourth K in the game. Jose Cruz hit a leadoff single past Zeltser in the fifth, but was doubled off by George Hawthorne’s grounder to short. All was well – for once, the other manager had to bite into his desk.

At least through five that was; the Raccoons stopped hitting altogether once they had the lead, and managed only four hits through six innings. The bottom 6th saw John Dupuis hit for Lipsky and singled up the middle with one out. Cassell singled, and Myers walked. Suddenly the bags were full when San Francisco hadn’t previously made it to second base. Suhay was up, who was also good for a strikeout, but poked and popped out at 1-1. That was the second out; the third would be Cruz though. In between Doug Levis floated a ball to shallow left, Jimmy Wallace got nowhere close, and two runs scored to tie the game. Portland would have the first two batters on in the top 7th thanks to a throwing error by Mike Thompson, who fired away a Tim Stalker grounder for a 2-base error, which led to an intentional free pass to Billy Jennings, pulling up hitless Philip Scheffer. Portland called a bunt, planning to hit for Chavez after that. This worked – Scheffer got the runners over, and Adrian Reichardt singled to center to plate the pair, 4-2, before Ramos and Zeltser grounded out to end the top 7th. Ed Blair took over pitching duties, but came apart instantly, surrendering hits to Hawthorne, Castillo, and Justin Uliasz. That scored a run, got the tying run to second, and the go-ahead run to first. A move to David Fernandez brought no relief. Myers grounded out, but then Myers hit a 2-out, 0-2 single to left to flip the score, and Fernandez filled the bags with walks to Suhay and Levis. Anaya replaced him and got Cruz to pop out foul, but the damage was done. That was the only out Anaya logged, because his spot came up in the Baybirds’ own meltdown in the top 8th. Wallace walked, Stalker tripled him home to tie the game with two outs, and then Jay Schimek walked the bags full. Hawkins batted for Anaya, but grounded out to short, stranding three AGAIN. Bottom 8th, enter John Hennessy, and the rabid ****show continued. He walked Hawthorne to begin the inning, Thompson reached on a Zeltser throwing error, and then Castillo hit a homer to left. That one sealed the deal for good. 8-5 Bayhawks. Jennings 1-2, 2 BB; Reichardt (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

Good lord.

Also, Berto had another 0-for-5 with 2 K and is now batting under .200 again. Well, last time he did that he won the batting title, so all is well. Never mind we’re in last place.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – CF Reichardt – C E. Thompson – P Sabre
SFB: CF Cassell – 3B D. Myers – RF Suhay – 1B Levis – 2B J. Cruz – LF Hawthorne – C Umanzor – SS A. Castillo – P Walsh

Nobody found home plate for a long time on Tuesday, which was not a surprise as far as the Coons were concerned, but Sabre held the Bayhawks to one hit and a as many walks through four innings. Granted, Ben Suhay twice flew out to Jennings at the fence with a guy on base, but that didn’t give them any emotional support runs either. It did become a 1-0 game in the fifth on the strength of an Eduardo Umanzor homer to left. Now, I accepted 2-6 fate at that point, but the Critters actually tumbled their way into a 2-out rally for a tying run in the top of the sixth inning. Zeltser, Wallace, and Zitzner reached in order, with the latter singling home the first. Stalker then hit a gapper, but it was spectacularly caught by George Hawthorne, robbing the Critters of extra bases and run(s). Sabre would end up throwing 115 pitches, but that only got him through 6 1/3 innings. Somehow he only allowed six runners and struck out four, but he still threw a million balls in but little time… The Coons offense didn’t even get that far. Even though Jennings and Reichardt reached base against Jimmy Lohrey in the top of the ninth, with nobody out, Thompson, Manny Fernandez, and Ramos made three piss poor outs to strand them in scoring position, which was still nothing compared to the appalling display in the bottom of the ninth inning. Garavito was on, allowed a leadoff single to Jose Cruz, and then threw two wild pitches that the alleged defensive shortstop behind the goddamn dish couldn’t contain, one to Hawthorne, and one to Umanzor, who ultimately ended the game with a sac fly to center. 2-1 Bayhawks. Wallace 2-4; Zitzner 2-4, RBI; Reichardt 2-4; Anaya 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

The good thing is that the team plays so bad that I am reasonably confident that this is all a really terrible dream. I must have hit my head really, really bad and suffered severe trauma.

I will make up any moment.

Any moment.

Maybe now?

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – RF Salgado – C E. Thompson – 2B Marsingill – P del Rio
SFB: CF Cassell – 3B D. Myers – RF Suhay – 1B Levis – 2B J. Cruz – LF Hawthorne – C Umanzor – SS A. Castillo – P Younts

Two walks, two singles, two runs – the Raccoons were ON FIRE in the first inning. Ramos and Zeltser reached via balls, and Wallace and Fernandez hit balls for RBI singles. Before long, however, Umanzor struck again and plated a run with a groundout in the bottom 2nd. Cruz and Hawthorne had reached earlier on a base hit and a walk. The Critters would walk Alex Castillo with intent and two outs to get Younts up, and he almost hit an RBI single to right, which would have tied the game. Hugo Salgado made the running catch. No, no, the comeback would be more spectacular than that – after Dave Myers hit a 1-out single to center in the bottom 3rd, del Rio, the ****ing asshole, walked four of the next five batters, all in full counts, to push the tying and go-ahead runs across for San Francisco, WHILE exploding his ****ing pitch count, too.

At least some of the Critters were still stirring from time to time. Ramos was unretired through four, drawing a 2-out walk and stealing second base before Zeltser hit a ball over the fence outright, giving Portland a 4-3 lead. However, del Rio had retired his last batter when Alex Castillo had popped out to end the bottom of the third. Younts hit a leadoff single in the bottom 4th, and Cassell crashed a huge-ass homer, 5-4 San Fran. When del Rio issued his sixth walk to Myers, he was yanked. I enquired a Bayhawks attendee whether he could give me a block of soap. While he looked confused, I assured him I needed only the soap. I had a sock myself.

And because everything in the whole world was **** and broken, Antonio Prieto-sponsored long relief didn’t come to be either, with rain chasing him after six outs and 25 pitches. It rained it’s ****ing ass off for over an hour to a point where we’d have preferred for the game to be called early, but it wasn’t. And while the miserable Critters even tied the game in the seventh on a Salgado sac fly that got Jimmy Wallace across, the bullpen, that had already been horrendously abused for several days in a row, completely collapsed under its own weight in the eighth inning. Hennessy was back in, and was exactly the same sort of ****show as on Monday. Leadoff walk to Castillo, an infield single by the ****head Dupuis, who was 3-for-3 in the series, and then a roaring homer to left by Ryan Cassell. It was even the same result – although that didn’t become final until after Lohrey allowed a Fernandez single, and Salgado walk, and struck out Thompson as the tying run to end the ninth inning… 8-5 Bayhawks. Ramos 2-3, 2 BB; Wallace 2-5, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-5, 2B, RBI; Prieto 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 2 K;

Raccoons (2-7) @ Indians (4-4) – April 13-16, 2034

The Indians had trouble scoring three runs per game and were the worst bunch overall in terms of offense. They had allowed the sixth-fewest runs, but that still gave them a rather concerning -14 run differential at the current point in time. But I guess that’s what we were coming in for. Last year’s season series had ended 10-8 in their favor.

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (0-1, 7.94 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (0-0, 0.00 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (0-1, 3.97 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (2-0, 1.17 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 4.91 ERA) vs. Jose Lerma (1-1, 7.30 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (1-0, 2.02 ERA) vs. Sal Bedoya (1-0, 1.13 ERA)

Lerma would be the only southpaw on offer this week… although Govea’s start was up in the air until almost game time. He had left his first outing of the year in the first inning and had since been out with back spasms. He was still listed as day-to-day on Thursday morning… and didn’t start. Bressner was tasked with going on short rest, but we could expect Govea at some point during the weekend.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – RF Jennings – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – 3B Hansen – C Kuhlmann – SS DiGiacomo – P Bressner

The Portland Weaknuts had only two base hits through five innings, one of which was a Stalker single that led to him getting a chance – and executing it well – to be caught stealing. The other however was a Zitzner double leading off the second. He advanced on a grounder and scored … on a wild pitch. That was the only run in the game through five, with Okrasinski allowing four base hits, a walk, but no runs thanks to two double plays turned behind him. John Baron hit a 1-out single in the bottom 6th, and somehow the lead survived a scorched line driven right into Ramos’ mitten, socked by Mike Plunkett, as well as a deep fly to left hit by Matt Barber. Wallace played his weekly “I will catch this ball” card and did so. The Coons didn’t reach base again until Zitzner legged out an infield single with two outs in the seventh. Fernandez singled up the middle, and Jennings got a ball over Barber and past Mike Plunkett for an RBI double… but Fernandez was also sent around third base and thrown out at home after Plunkett had gotten a favorable bounce off the wall in right and had unleashed a hell of a throw. Okrasinski still held up with a 2-0 lead and batted with Hawkins and Scheffer reaching the corners with leadoff singles. He grounded out, with Hawkins remaining pinned at third base, but Scheffer moved up at least. Berto walked onto the open base, presenting Stalker with three on and one out. He hit a sac fly on the first pitch, but Wallace grounded out and more runners were senselessly stranded. But Okrasinski held up through eight, which was all he would be asked to do, while Bressner was even sent into the ninth (not that he had thrown more than 90 pitches through eight…). He did not retire anybody, however. Zitzner singled, Fernandez doubled, and Jennings was walked intentionally, giving Portland three on, no outs, and Tim Thweatt to try to sweep the sludge. Zeltser hit for Hawkins and popped out. Scheffer ran a full count before poking… and dropped a ball in front of John Baron for a 2-run single, extending the lead to five. Reichardt and Ramos both made the last two outs. Chris Wise, unemployed for all of a 5-game losing streak, put the game away without being the daily implosion. 5-0 Coons. Zitzner 3-4, 2B; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B; Scheffer 2-4, 2 RBI; Okrasinski 8.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K, W (1-1);

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Rendon
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – 3B Hansen – SS DiGiacomo – P Govea

The game began with a Berto double into the leftfield corner and progressed through a Zeltser groundout and pop outs by Wallace and Zitzner that left him stranded at third base. In the bottom end of the first, Rendon retired the first two before allowing a single to Baron and clipping Herrera and Plunkett on consecutive pitches. Barber struck out trying to hit a slam, which was so comforting… Indy still took the lead in the second thanks to a John Hansen leadoff walk and 2-out singles by Dustin Acor and Dan Schneller…

Berto was the only Critters position player to reach base until the fifth inning. Now this sounded worse than it was because both him and Rendon had two base hits by then, including back-to-back doubles to tie the game in the third. Rendon singled, Ramos walked, and Zeltser also walked to fill the bases with two down in the top 5th then, but Jimmy Wallace fell to 0-2 against Govea… before slushing a 2-run single over the head of Joe DiGiacomo. Zitzner popped to first base, Barber dropped the ball, and the bases refilled on the stupid error, allowing Manny Fernandez to hit another sharp 2-run single. Stalker also singled, but Reichardt grounded out to DiGiacomo to end the inning whilst stranding a full set, but at least we had scored a 4-spot and were now up by as many with Rendon LOOKING reasonably good…! Of course, Rendon’s very next pitch was belched over the fence by Acor, so it was 5-2 right away. Rendon rebounded and retired eight of the next nine, and the one he missed – walking PH Dan Brown – was doubled up by Acor to end the bottom 7th. Schneller hit a leadoff single in the eighth, but also got doubled up, and that put Rendon through eight on exactly 100 pitches. Jennings hit for him in the ninth to no great effect, although Ramos and Zeltser reached with two outs against Lance Legleiter, but the former Coon kept the distance at three runs when Wallace flew out to right. Chris Wise allowed two singles to Plunkett and Hansen before getting a double play to end the game from DiGiacomo. 5-2 Coons. Ramos 3-4, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Rendon 8.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (1-1) and 2-3;

Gimme hope, Alberto, gimme… hope, Alberto…

Game 3
POR: SS Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – RF Salgado – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Chavez
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – 3B Hansen – C Kuhlmann – SS DiGiacomo – P Lerma

Portland made it 1-0 in the first when Zitz chased home Zelts with a double, but Acor homered on a 1-2 pitch to begin Chavez’ undoubtedly again grim day. In fact he lasted two outs before leaving with a ****ing blister on his finger, which prompted me banging on Dr. Chung’s visiting physician’s quarters demanding amputation of the offending appendage. It wasn’t like he’d pitch well WITH it, either! Dr. Chung was open to the idea and suggested to consult literature, although I had the sneaking suspicion that he only said so to pacify me.

By the time I got back to watching the game it was in the top of the fifth with Victor Anaya having given his utmost to grab a loss, whiffing himself with two on in the top 2nd, but allowing a crucial 2-out single to Lerma in the bottom 2nd, the middle knock in a 2-out string of single, single, 2-run double with which Dustin Acor continued to grind holes into the Raccoons’ very fabric and by extension my tortured soul. Acor hit a single off Garavito to begin the bottom 5th and scored on not one, but TWO throwing errors, one by the hurler and another one by Jimmy Wallace, who only didn’t commit MORE throwing errors because he didn’t ****ing get to many balls to begin with…

Things looked dire until they didn’t – by the seventh it was a new ballgame. Jose Lerma blew a 4-1 lead by allowing a single to Salgado, who stole second, an RBI single to Scheffer, and a Manny Fernandez homer out of the #9 hole where he had been inserted in a double switch. That got the teams even at four… at least until Dan Schneller hit a 2-out, 2-strike homer off Prieto in the youngster’s second inning of work. Both teams stranded a pair in the eighth inning, while neither deserved to get on two runners in the first place; DiGiacomo allowed Justin Marsingill on with an error, and Morgan Kuhlmann reached on an uncaught third strike. Seriously – catcher defense! Where was it!? Top 9th, Scheffer also made the first out against Thweatt before Fernandez and Zeltser ripped back-to-back doubles … which tied the game at five. Things continued like glue… Stalker walked in a full count, Wallace popped out, and Zitzner also walked in a full count. Three on, two outs for PH Elliott Thompson, hitting for Hennessy – Ramos had already been burned much earlier and Jennings was the only other option left on the bench. Neither of them was hitting well. Neither of them HAD to hit well because the unravelling Thweatt plated the go-ahead run, carried by Zelts, with a wild pitch. After that, Thompson was walked, and Lance Legleiter came on to face Salgado. Well, don’t mind if we do! Jennings grabbed the stick, ran another full count, and drew the bases-loaded walk, pushing home Stalker. Hawkins dropped an RBI single before Scheffer popped out to end the inning. The 3-run lead would go to Ed Blair, since Wise had been out two days in row and was not in any sort of rhythm so far. Pat Green grounded out to Hawkins, Acor popped out to Stalker, Schneller singled to left, but Baron flew out to Fernandez in center, giving the Critters three in a row. 8-5 Raccoons! Zeltser 2-5, 2 2B, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Jennings (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI; Hawkins 2-5, RBI; Scheffer 2-5, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-2, HR, 2B, 2 RBI;

John Hennessy got the win, his third decision of the week and the first one that was worth earning.

We also clambered out of last place, now ahead of the pair of 4-7 teams from Indy and New York.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Sabre
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – CF Baron – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – 3B Hansen – SS DiGiacomo – P Bedoya

To start this game, in their bid for a sweep, the Coons loaded the bases on three increasingly soft singles without making an out. They would get two runs; one on Zitzner’s run-scoring 6-4-3 double play (…!), and another one when Manny Fernandez singled to tie him for the team lead in RBI with a paltry, pasty six. Stalker grounded out, and while Sabre retired the first two batters in the bottom 1st he got then ****ed for six straight base runners with two outs and four runs before Bedoya grounded out to Zeltser to strand two. And I am not sure what was worse afterwards – that Sabre spun the next four innings almost flawlessly or that he fell into another ****ing 2-out trapdoor in the sixth where the Indians stripped him down for four straight 2-out runners, and mostly with the bottom of the order, too? OR… that the offense did NOTHING. Between Sabre’s first shellacking and his final dismissal, the rancid Raccoons amounted to ONE base hit. Accordingly, they were down 6-2 after six innings, which was a number of hits they’d never reach. They were retired in order after Sabre’s removal. 6-2 Indians.

In other news

April 10 – TIJ OF/1B Bobby Fernandez (.219, 1 HR, 10 RBI) socks it to the Indians, plating six runs on three hits while falling a double short of the cycle in the Condors’ 12-3 victory.
April 10 – Only two innings into his starting debut in the league, Oklahoma City sophomore Michael Donovan (0-0, 0.00 ERA) tears elbow ligaments and will miss a full year or longer.
April 12 – TIJ OF/1B Bobby Fernandez (.293, 1 HR, 16 RBI) keeps tearing down Indianapolis and lands four base hits, scores four runs, and drives in four runs in the Condors’ 13-4 romp of the Indians.
April 13 – Walkoff balk! RIC CL Jared Stone (0-1, 3.38 ERA, 1 SV) commits an illegal twitch with Capitals all over the bases, and when he’s called out for it Washington’s C Chris Came (.333, 0 HR, 0 RBI) is awarded home plate, giving the Capitals a 4-3 walkoff win.
April 13 – BOS SS Keith Spataro (.333, 1 HR, 2 RBI) would miss up to six weeks with shoulder tendinitis.
April 13 – The Gold Sox scratch out only one base hit, a single by 3B/2B Adam Corder (.107, 0 HR, 1 RBI) in their 3-1 loss to the Warriors.

Complaints and stuff

The optimist would say that, well, last year the team started 1-4 and played meaningful ball almost all the way to the end, so what if they start 2-7 now. I am not so inclined, but at least we saw incremental progress on the weekend, the odd stupid blister aside. (Bernie Chavez panically tries to hide his throwing paw)

That Indy series result is probably not going to be a fluke. They have hardly any lefty bats, and we have five right-handed starters and enough southpaw relief to counter any meaningful pinch-hitter in a crucial spot. They may not be outright terrible overall, but they are sure at a heavy disadvantage against us. Well, at least unless our starting pitcher of choice manages to not get both his tail and his nose wedged into the same ****ing clubhouse door, ain’t that right, Raffaello??

And don’t get me started on del Rio. Right now I am at odds with all of our starters!

Monday will be off, and we’ll have the Titans and Knights in after that. I also have a looming feeling of getting nagged next week. I should ask Maud whether our dear beloved owner will pop in and if necessary call in deadly sick on Tuesday morning…

Rico Gutierrez, who will turn 35 next month, is still unemployed. He should stay so, would save his winning record (115-106, 3.74 ERA).

Fun Fact: 37 years ago today, Lance Branch of the Pacifics hit for the cycle in a win over the Miners.

That was on April 16, 1997, and thus before the 5-time All Star spent a brief spring and early summer in Portland in ’99. In ’97 he hit .304 with 11 homers and 56 extra-base hits, good enough for an .843 OPS, and that was then a disappointment compared to his previous season: .338, 16 HR, 75 XBH!

Of course when he arrived in Portland he had just hit the big three-oh. We dealt Travis Dean, Day Grandridge, and Ivan Costa for him, and after he had batted .233 with 3 homers in 76 games, we dealt him to Sacramento in July for Mauro Granados and Gary Fifield. Those five are some pile of head scratchers for sure – Granados was a well-travelled first baseman that was then on his last leg and hit one home run for Portland, while Fifield’s main claim to fame is being part of the Year of Five Catchers. Grandridge never pitched in the majors after the trade, Dean never reached them, and Ivan Costa never posted a winning record as a starter.

The Scorpions got one more All Star season out of Branch in 2001, but it was too late for him in ’99 despite batting .337 with 9 homers and 22 doubles in the second half. It took him til age 35 to post another line as ****ty as his Portland output. He retired the year after that, a career .294/.392/.453 hitter with 118 HR and 736 RBI.

[Westheim]

All my dreams died on Tuesday morning. While I asked Maud whether Nick Valdes was waiting around the office for me to inquire about the absolutely dismal start to the season, she said that no such thing was happening. When I however poked my wet black nose around the edge of the door to my office and opened it inch by inch, I first saw Slappy with a bottle on the brown couch, then Honeypaws on the table, and when I exhaled at all and opened the door fully, there sat Valdes in the other chair. – Maud! Maaaauudd! - … Well, yes, Maud, you’re technically right that he’s not looking for me. His overall appearance and demeanor hinted at our beloved owner having poked around the innards of a running toaster with a fork and he was entirely calm. – Maud, *why* did he poke around the innards of a running toaster with a fork? – Alberto, Bob, Raffaello, what is it? Why the bickering? – Yes, we can drive to the store and buy a new toaster…

Raccoons (5-8) vs. Titans (8-4) – April 18-20, 2034

Bad timing. The Raccoons were not really in any shape to compete with the Titans, who were already 3 1/2 games ahead in the division. They sat fifth in runs scored and tied for fourth in runs allowed with a +12 run differential (Coons: -5), and looked entirely ready to pounce with force. We had dropped 11 games to them last season, and had in fact dropped at least 11 games to them for four straight years. We had only one winning campaign against them in 12 years…

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (0-0, 6.52 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (0-2, 7.71 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (1-1, 3.29 ERA) vs. Dustin Wingo (0-1, 6.75 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (1-1, 3.26 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (1-0, 3.72 ERA)

The series would start with the right-hander Willett, placeholder for a still-injured Adam Potter (on the DL along with regulars Moises Avila and Keith Spataro), after which we were likely to see two southpaws. Tony Chavez (2-0, 2.95 ERA) was also in the mix.

Game 1
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – C Lessman – 3B E. Gonzalez – 1B J. Green – CF D’Angelo – P Willett
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P del Rio

The Critters looked ready to wear a hole into Rich Willett in the second inning, which they opened with straight hits by Zitzner (single), Fernandez (double), and Stalker (RBI single). Billy Jennings worked a walk to fill the bags, but then Elliott Thompson, 1-for-20 and dropping, hit into a 4-6-3 double play. A run scored, but del Rio ended the inning with a casual fly to left, keeping the booty to two runs. And who knew whether that would be enough… del Rio didn’t allow a base hit the first time through, nor the second time through, with Willett leading off the sixth with a lineout to Zeltser. It was still 2-0 at that point, but the very next batter, Antonio Gil, hit a single to leftfield, and the no-hitter was toast. (knuffs the still motionless Nick Valdes with his elbow) Got that, Nick? Toast! … (waits for reaction) … Ah, you’re no fun to be around…! And neither was the dysfunctional battery. Rhett West advanced the runner with a productive out before the Critters moved him to third base with a passed ball, then across home with a wild pitch, which was good news, since I wouldn’t want to drown neither Thompson nor del Rio in the Willamette without the firmly tied bag also including the other.

Nevertheless, the Raccoons’ starter somehow held on through seven innings, issuing 99 pitches. Garavito handled the eighth competently enough against the 8-9-1 bunch, the same part of the lineup the Critters would cart up in their half of the eighth. Thompson hit a leadoff single off Tim Zimmerman, then was run for with Hugo Salgado while Adrian Reichardt hit for the pitcher and also singled to left. Portland went aggro and called a double steal, with David Lessman, who had caught Ramos stealing earlier in the game, not getting the laser-quick Salgado at third base. Berto was not intentionally walked with first base open either and instead hit a sac fly to center for a crucial insurance run, but Reichardt was left stranded. However, since Chris Wise served up only one solo home run to Willie Vega, the Raccoons still managed to stumble out of the ninth inning as winners… 3-2 Critters. Ramos 2-3, RBI; Stalker 1-2, BB, RBI; Reichardt (PH) 1-1; del Rio 7.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, W (1-0);

Hah! (pokes Valdes with the elbow again) We won! …

Maud! … Maud!! – Should we call Dr. Chung? – No, he hasn’t blinked since I’ve come in.

Game 2
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – C Lessman – 3B E. Gonzalez – 1B J. Green – CF D’Angelo – P Wingo
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski

Straight away, Okrasinski sucked the fun out of baseball, walking three of the first four Titans he faced and then giving up 2-run knocks to both David Lessman and Edgar Gonzalez. For good measure he also nailed Brian D’Angelo with two outs and made Salgado chase after a Dustin Wingo drive to end the inning. Rhett West added a solo homer in the second inning to make it 5-0 and Okrasinski never got any better and was yanked after just three and a third. While the crumbling continued with the bullpen involved, a run scoring off Hennessy in the fifth and another one coming out of David Fernandez in the sixth, the Raccoons’ offense never got going. While they had a runner in most innings, they either hit into a double play, or struck out until it was over, piling up six hits and no runs against Wingo through five. Salgado hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, stole second, and was doubled home by Zitzner, which was at least A RUN. It was also all the Critters got in the inning, with Reichardt grounding out and Hawkins being retired on a running catch by Mark Walker. The bottom 7th had singles by Stalker and Fernandez before Ramos lined out to Rhett West for the second out… and the third out, too, given that Stalker had gone on contact and was easily doubled off second base. What do you even trust anymore if there is no relying on veterans’ baseball instincts anymore?? And then Garavito was battered for two runs in the eighth, Edgar Gonzalez doubling home Vega and Lessman. Wallace hit a single in the bottom 8th… and was doubled off by Zitzner. It was at this point that Nick Valdes suddenly unfroze and began to blink and stare at the TV screen’s display of what I was watching at the window while tearing away at my gray fur, screaming in agony.

With Wingo gone, the Coons’ Jennings, Hawkins, and Stalker would load the bases to start the bottom 9th. Granted, with an 8-run deficit even that didn’t qualify as a potential rally, because the tying run was not in the on-deck circle, or on the dugout steps, or even in the dugout. The tying run was Jimmy Wallace, and Jimmy Wallace was on the toilet after overstuffing on donuts during the middle innings. When Elliott Thompson doubled home a pair, we sent the bench coach to knock on the silent retreat’s door and tell Wallace to get his ****ing pants back on, he might actually get to bat again. Marsingill struck out in the #9 hole, and Ramos also fanned in a sudden downturn of fortunes. Hugo Salgado walked, and there came Wallace, stumbling out of the dugout with his pants untidy, splashed with water, his shirt incorrectly buttoned, and his helmet worn backwards. He flew out to D’Angelo, then raced straight back to the ****ter, while I was busy slamming my fists on the desk, screaming, until they hurt a lot more than the dismal team was already hurting me inside. 9-3 Titans. Wallace 2-4, BB; Hawkins 3-4, 2B; Thompson (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI; Zeltser (PH) 1-1; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1; Anaya 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 5 K;

Both teams had 12 base hits. Somehow we still managed to lose by six.

No, Nick, I don’t think there’s donuts left over.

Game 3
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – C Lessman – 3B E. Gonzalez – 1B J. Green – CF D’Angelo – P M. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Thompson – 2B Marsingill – P Rendon

Rendon walked Antonio Gil at the top of the game, but then retired the next nine in order, whiffing five, including Gil to end the third inning. That was not enough to get a *lead*, but at least Thompson and Marsingill began the bottom 3rd with leadoff singles, and when Rendon bunted, Mario Gonzalez took the ball to third base – late. All paws were safe, and there were three on and nobody out for Ramos. Berto crammed a 2-0 pitch through the hole on the right side for a single that gave us a 2-0 score, but that was also all the Critters got. Valdes snorted after Salgado grounded out, Wallace whiffed, and Zitzner flew out easily to Walker. In turn, Rhett West romped a leadoff jack in the fourth, and I had that certain headache that could only be cured with the worst booze on the market. Slappy, the Capt’n Coma bottle, quick!

It was 3-2 Titans following a Vega single and Edgar Gonzalez’ 2-out homer to left. Fittingly enough it also started to rain, and by the top of the fifth we had a rain delay of more than an hour, wiping out Rendon with two on and two out, and Willie Vega at the plate. It also gave Valdes lots of time to ask lots of uncomfortable questions, like, why the team wasn’t winning more often, and especially not when he was visiting, and why he wasn’t just taking our budget and spending it on speedier deforestation in the Amazon. David Fernandez eventually resumed pitching, gave up an RBI single, 4-2, before Mark Walker flew out to Wallace, which required hitting the goddamn ball right into Wallace’s basket with chocolates.

Over the following innings the Titans were closer to tacking on runs than the Coons were to getting back into the game. Titans batters loaded the sacks in the eighth on Blair and Hennessy before D’Angelo hit into a force at home and Hennessy secured a pop from PH Pat Sanford to bail outta there. The Raccoons did absolutely nothing against Zimmerman in the bottom 8th, then faced Jermaine Campbell in the ninth, bringing up their lackluster 3-4-5 batters. Jimmy Wallace landed a leadoff double, bringing up Zitzner as the tying run. Zitz struck out. Reichardt struck out. Jennings was down 1-2 in the #6 hole before flicking a single to center. Wallace scored easily, but still drew a throw from D’Angelo, which moved Jennings with the tying run into second base. Tim Stalker batted for the lackluster Thompson, which actually took the platoon advantage away, but the Coons wanted to play the experience card… and with somebody hitting more than .184… And – ****ing hell!! – Stalker shot a ball through Edgar Gonzalez, up the line, Jennings around, scoring, and the game was tied!! HELL YES!! …and then Justin Marsingill grounded out to Antonio Gil, and we had extras on our paws. Wise was already in the game and in the #2 hole, creating problems down the road, but was retained after getting the final two outs of what was a losing effort in the top 9th. Soon enough it looked like another losing effort. Walker wised a walk to begin the 10th, stole second, and reached third on Scheffer’s throw that bounced over Ramos’ mitten. Lessman lined out, but Edgar Gonzalez’ sac fly broke the tie. And now having Wise in the #2 hole and batting third was going to actually hose us. The bench was empty – a pitcher had to bat third in the bottom 10th against Campbell. You know, unless Zeltser reached and Ramos homered. Zeltser grounded out, Ramos singled, but that at least allowed for a bunt and rolling the dice with Wallace. The bunt worked, Wallace batting did not. 5-4 Titans. Ramos 2-5, 2 RBI; Jennings (PH) 1-1, RBI; Stalker (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; D. Fernandez 2.1 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K;

Raccoons (6-10) vs. Knights (11-5) – April 21-23, 2034

Atlanta somehow had shed many, many players in the last year and still managed to rank second in runs scored and runs allowed to begin play for the weekend set. Somehow I had a bad feeling. We had lost the season series three years running, dropping five of nine games in 2033.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 5.40 ERA) vs. Drew Johnson (1-1, 4.38 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (1-1, 4.26 ERA) vs. Armando Zaragoza (1-1, 6.65 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (1-0, 3.78 ERA) vs. Chris Cooper (1-0, 5.12 ERA)

Two right, one left, and we’d miss the two pitchers with good ERA’s altogether; Chris Inderrieden (2-2, 2.32 ERA) and Roland Warner (2-1, 2.08 ERA) had pitched on the two days prior to this set.

We could use a few wins, but I was not too confident. – No, Nick, you don’t understand. (keeps stirring his drink) The splash of toilet cleaner really brings out the flavor of the crushed and distilled souls of child laborers in the Capt’n Coma.

Game 1
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B Vasquez – CF Seago – P D. Johnson
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Chavez

Offense was slow to begin with before both teams would get a double in the third inning, but only the Critters scored off theirs. Nate Seago doubled over Wallace on an 0-2 pitch leading off the top 3rd, but was then cut down at third base on a sub-par bunt by Johnson. Portland got Thompson on base with a single and had him bunted to second successfully by Bernie Chavez. Ramos popped out, but Bob Zeltser found the right-center gap for an RBI double and the first run in the game before Wallace flew out to end the inning. The following frame, the Critters had the bases loaded with 1-out singles by Manny Fernandez and Tim Stalker, Jennings walked, but Thompson hit into a double play.

Nothing great happened through six, Bernie’s 3-hitter aside. Keith Thomson floated a ball with one out in the seventh that dropped in front of Manny Fernandez for a single, though, and Thomson stole second. While Anton Vasquez popped out, Nate Seago walked, and the Knights’ selection of the left-handed batting Rich Parker to pinch-hit also knocked out Bernie after just over 100 pitches. Garavito was to face the 27-year-old that had yet to get a starting assignment this season. His second pitch was poked for a comebacker for an extremely easy third out. The damn Coons though still couldn’t do anything in the bottom 7th despite a free pass to Elliott Thompson and a Luis Inoa error. Ramos and Zeltser made shoddy outs to strand a pair, and Adam Avakian hit a blast off Garavito to tie the game in the eighth. Ed Blair would finish the inning before Jimmy Wallace crushed a ball offered by right-hander Terry Garrigan at the start of the bottom 8th. That, too, was out of the damn yard, and I was almost spilled my drink that was fuming with great fervor. Fernandez reached base and stole second, Salgado hit a single in Blair’s place (earlier vacated by Stalker in a double switch), and Jennings grounded to the left side where Thomson intercepted the leather sphere but couldn’t do anything with it; Fernandez scored on the infield single, 3-1. Thompson struck out, but Marsingill walked, presenting Berto with three on, two outs, and a new righty pitcher in Alfredo Flores. The move didn’t pay off; Ramos singled to left-center, Salgado scored, Jennings scored, it was 5-1, and Berto was now the team RBI leader with a frisky eight. Zeltser lined out, sending the non-save situation to Antonio Prieto, who had somehow only thrown six pitches so far this week. He threw 16 in the inning, whiffing Thomson, getting Vasquez to ground out to Marsingill, and then got to cheer Salgado as he chased down a 3-0 drive stupendously hit by Seago for the final out. 5-1 Coons. Wallace 2-4, HR, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-4, 2B; Salgado (PH) 1-1; Chavez 6.2 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 2 K;

Valdes dosed off in the middle innings. Apparently my drinks are a bit too much for him.

Game 2
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B Vasquez – CF Seago – P Zaragoza
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Sabre

In stark contrast to Friday, both starting pitchers had immediately bits and pieces torn out of them in the very first inning. Sabre allowed two walks and two hits, which unfortunately amounted to three runs thanks to a Chris Maneke homer after Roy Pincus had already scored Inoa from third with a groundout. Inoa’s walk and Avakian’s double had begun the game. The Raccoons in turn got their 2-3-4 batters on base before Manny Fernandez dished a ball over Seago for a bases-clearing triple, then came home himself on a Stalker sac fly to set Portland ahead, 4-3. Sabre’s response was a 4-pitch walk to Nate Seago to begin the top 2nd, to which my response were a few choice words in Dutch and Hungarian I had learned near the docks in my youth. He went on to blow the lead… with assistance from Thompson. In the newest edition of “what catcher defense?”, Thompson threw away Zaragoza’s obvious bunt for a 2-base error, and Inoa knotted the score with a groundout to Stalker. Avakian fanned himself and Pincus grounded out to short to keep the pitcher and the go-ahead run stranded at third base. That was before Sabre also spent extended time on the bases. He hit a 1-out single in the bottom 2nd, moved to second when Zeltser walked, and scored on a Wallace single with two outs, restoring the team to a 5-4 lead before Zitzner struck out.

Unfortunately Sabre would not long another out and was yanked after three straight singles by Maneke, Steve Garcia, and Thomson in the third inning. That tied the score; Anaya got Vasquez to pop up in foul ground, but Thompson dropped that ball, prompting me to calmly get up, walk over to the closet next to the trophy case and grab my scream box from the lowest shelf there. My scream box was a wooden container with two winged doors that if opened allowed me to slide the back part of the box around my head and neck, and once I would then close the doors in front of my face, my tortured screams and curses would be rendered muffled, much less audible, and not quite as disturbing. I applied the device correctly before just letting myself go.

Anaya kept the game tied, retiring Vasquez after all once Thompson no longer the **** interfered, and rung up Seago, and also got rid of Zaragoza (not hit for!) to end the top 3rd. Vasquez got revenge against Anaya the next time around, doubling to right-center to score Maneke and Garcia (singles) in the top of the fifth, which broke the 5-5 tie. Avakian homered off Hennessy to make it an 8-5 game in the sixth, but that was amazingly not the end of the story. Only the Raccoons could manage to score five runs off the opposing pitcher in the first two innings and still have him going in the sixth; there, however, Zaragoza allowed base hits to Stalker, Reichardt, and Jennings, which cost him a run and put the tying runs on the corners with one out. Right-handed debutee Brad Santry was tasked with Alberto Ramos, which proved too big a bite. He threw a wild pitch to score Reichardt, then conceded the tying run on a single near the rightfield line, with Jennings to third base, from where he would score on another wild pitch, but the Critters actually failed to get Ramos in, too, despite there being no outs after he reached base.

In your typical 9-8 game, David Fernandez struck out the side in the seventh while Santry loaded the bags in the bottom of the inning in time for Jennings, who had stayed in the game in place of Jimmy Wallace, to bat again in the #9 hole with one out. His sac fly tacked on a run, but Ramos flew out to Inoa to end the inning. Valdes remarked that this would be more fun if the other team didn’t have eight runs. I bit the neck off a Capt’n Coma bottle, endlessly grateful for him stating the obvious. Fernandez then crapped out to the tune of a leadoff walk to PH Paul Kuehn and an Inoa single. Prieto took over, walked PH Brian Eppler, then handled Pincus’ comebacker for an out at home, the first out of the inning. He walked in a run against Maneke, then conceded the tying run with a Steve Garcia sac fly. Why, why, why, why, WHY THE **** WHY??? – Sorry, Maud, I’ll use the box.

A 10-10 game went to the 10th, despite Portland thoroughly out of pitching altogether, almost. To get the most out of Chris Wise, Ramos, who had made the last out in the ninth, had to be double switched out. Zeltser switched to short, but made the first out in the bottom 10th after a 1-2-3 inning from the closer that never got anything to close, before replacement hot corner guard Tom Hawkins hit a double between Inoa and Seago with one down. Zitzner flew out, Fernandez whiffed, nothing mattered, ever. Wise responded by letting the first four Knights in the 11th all on base; Maneke doubled to left, Garcia walked, Thomson was nailed, and Vasquez hit a single past Hawkins to break the tie. While Wise struck out Seago and closer Erik David – no bench players left for Atlanta – he also nailed Inoa to force in a second run before Brian Eppler popped out at 3-1 to strand a full set. Justin Osterloh retired Portland in due time in the bottom 11th to end the game. 12-10 Knights. Zeltser 2-5, BB; Wallace 2-4, RBI; Hawkins 1-1, 2B; Stalker 3-5, 3B, 1RBI; Reichardt 2-6, RBI; Jennings (PH) 1-2, BB, 2 RBI;

Valdes flew on Sunday morning, cryptically claiming that the trumpets at Jericho would sound soon upon his departure.

I didn’t say anything or look up at all. My face was still buried in the cushions on the good old brown couch.

The schedule was merciless, though, and another game was on come Sunday afternoon. The Raccoons’ pen was now in such appalling shape that we barely had three relievers available in Blair, Fernandez, and Garavito. Should del Rio continue the endless parade of starters blowing stupidly out of their bum hole, we’d have to burn Okrasinski in long relief, then work out some black devil magic to get a starter up for Monday’s game.

Maud, we should better get to finding a starter for Monday’s game right away. Who’s on the AAA roster at all? Besides Jason Gurney. If we have to call up Jason Gurney, I will riot.

Game 3
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B Vasquez – CF Seago – P C. Cooper
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – RF Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – P del Rio

Del Rio didn’t implode instantly, but still threw four 3-ball counts in the first two innings, which kept my heartbeat at levels where you could conveniently see the organ pumping through my chest. That was even before the dumb asshole wearing #22 clipped Seago to begin the third, and after the bunt walked Inoa and Avakian. Pincus hit a sac fly, and Maneke and Garcia hit RBI singles before Thomson flew out to Reichardt in center. Just like that, three runs… and a blasting SEVENTY-FOUR PITCHES IN THREE INNINGS. Oh, and bunting into a force to get Scheffer thrown out in the bottom 3rd. GODDAMNIT!!!

The Raccoons scored a confused run in the bottom 4th, an inning that saw Zitzner and Reichardt reach leading off. Stalker scored Zitzner with a groundout, but Reichardt didn’t go on a pop over the leftfield line that hung forever and on which Inoa and Thomson converged, almost took another out, and Inoa dinked the ball of his glove. The defender was in fair territory, but the ball dropped foul, and the umpire ruled it a foul ball despite some protests from the Raccoons camp. The batter, Philip Scheffer, had made it halfway between second and third on the play, then had seen Reichardt still parked like a ****ing bus, and had retreated scrambling on all four paws – and then was sent back to home plate anyway, then popped out for good and left Reichardt stranded altogether. We’d keep that one for the yearbook!

We still got a brand new spanking ballgame in the bottom 5th, which saw Cooper walk Hawkins and give up a dinger to Salgado to get the teams level at three. The following frame, Coons were on the corners after Reichardt and Stalker singled either side of Keith Thomson with nobody out. Scheffer struck out, and Wallace batted for del Rio, who was over 100 pitches after six innings. He grounded out to Avakian, but the first baseman had to play the ball off the bag and Reichardt this time went for home plate and scored; Stalker went to second and scored on Berto’s single to center, which put us up 5-3, soon to be 6-3 when Berto scrambled for second on an errant pickoff throw and then scored on a Hawkins single over Thomson’s head and glove. Salgado then lined out to Avakian, who almost had his arm ripped off by that rocket, but held on to end the inning.

Well, who the **** to pitch now? Only Blair and Garavito had not pitched in Saturday’s crap fest, and the Knights were alternating lefty and righty bats almost throughout the lineup. There was no mixing and matching here; we didn’t have enough arms to mix and match. Both of them as well as Okrasinski were up in the bullpen, but the Coons opted to try the relief route. Okrasinski sat down and Blair came into the game. He got two outs, then allowed four straight base hits. Eppler single, Inoa single, 2-run double by Avakian, Pincus single. With Maneke up and a pair on the corners in a 6-5 game, Blair was yanked for Garavito. Switch-hitter Paul Kuehn hit instead, grounding out to Hawkins, who would also make a crucial play in the top 8th, and then singled home Berto from second base again in the bottom 8th after Ramos had swiped a base with two outs. Salgado struck out to end the inning, bringing out David Fernandez to save the 7-5 rodeo… maybe. He struck out PH Jaden Smith, and Inoa flew out to center. Then Fernandez walked Avakian and Pincus to put the tying runs on base. But lurking in the #4 hole now was Manny Delgado, a 22-year-old third baseman with three base hits in a cup of coffee last year, and none this season. If somebody would make an out now, it was him. He blasted the first pitch he got to deep center. Reichardt back… back… further back… still further back… and he made the running catch. 7-5 Critters. Hawkins 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Reichardt 3-4, 2B;

In other news

April 18 – The Cyclones expect OF Ken Gibbs (.188, 1 HR, 6 RBI) to miss a month with a strained quad.
April 19 – TOP SP Ernesto Lujan (0-1, 6.00 ERA) could miss most of the season trying to recover from radial nerve compression.
April 21 – CHA LF/RF Dave Trahan (.244, 1 HR, 6 RBI) goes yard for the only run in the Falcons’ 1-0 win over the Titans.
April 22 – LAP OF Justin Fowler (.323, 3 HR, 9 RBI) is expected to miss half the season with a partially torn labrum.
April 23 – DEN OF Federico Nuno (.213, 1 HR, 6 RBI) plates five runs on two hits in the Gold Sox’ 15-4 out of the Blue Sox.

Complaints and stuff

Boy, are the Raccoons playing like an earthquake or what? With that I mean, they play, and everything falls apart.

Maybe one or two selective stat shall be enough to describe the utter shambles we’re currently in: when Alberto Ramos drove home Stalker in the sixth inning on Sunday, that made him the first Critter to reach 10 RBI this season. You’d expect Wallace or Zitzner, maybe somebody with power potential like Stalker or Manny Fernandez, but not ****ing Alberto Ramos, batting ****ing leadoff every single ****ing game.

And then the guy with the least-terrible ERA in the rotation is the only one without a win, while we are near the bottom of the league in terms of runs allowed; bleeding 4.7 markers per game here.

THIS TEAM.

Steve Florence, the 23-year-old outfielder taken by the Buffaloes in the rule 5 draft, was returned to us this week. He had gotten into seven games with them before being axed following a 3-for-15 performance with one RBI and one stolen base. He was reassigned to the Alley Cats.

Next week: Falcons, Elks. And hopefully we can get a starter to not suck the cover off the baseballs for at least one game.

Fun Fact: 36-year-old NAS RF/LF Doug Stross (.321, 0 HR, 9 RBI) found his 2,500th career base hit in a 9-5 win over the Gold Sox on Friday.

Stross hits an eighth-inning single off DEN MR Jonathan Fleischer (0-0, 7.84 ERA) with the game already out of hand to reach the milestone. So (former) Raccoons pitching is coming in handy in any and all situations – lovely!

The two-time Player of the Year and 6-time All Star Stross spent most of his 16-year career with the Scorpions. In his POTY years (2024, 2025) he won the batting title and led the league in OBP and OPS. Four times in a row from 2022 through 2025 he led the FL in walks drawn, and once in hits (2024). For his career he is a .317/.435/.418 batter with 104 HR and 1,067 RBI. He also has a staggering 1,587 career walks, and in his younger years stole almost all of his 92 bases.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (8-11) vs. Falcons (11-7) – April 24-26, 2034

Neither of these two teams had managed to win more than five games in the season series for six years in a row. It had all been 5-4 tilts, and unfortunately the Falcons had come out on top five of the six years, and three years in a row. As this season started they were up to third place in the South with a winning record, which was not exactly something Charlotte fans were used to. The Falcons had not posted a winning record since they won the division in 2022, and had finished fifth of sixth in every single one of the last 11 seasons. Even now there were signs on the wall. Their crummy offense actually left them with a -1 run differential (Coons: -7), they were not hitting for power, they had no speed, and their defense was problematic to say the least.

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (1-2, 5.29 ERA) vs. Doug Clifford (3-0, 3.13 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (1-1, 4.13 ERA) vs. John Jackson (2-1, 1.71 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 3.44 ERA) vs. Bryce Sparkes (2-2, 4.62 ERA)

Southpaw to start the series, then two right-handers; aside from catcher Ernesto Huichapa’s .328 clip with four homers and 17 RBI, their lineup looked rather barren.

But can you imagine a player with 17 RBI at all? Wow, I wonder whether we will ever have something like that…!

Game 1
CHA: CF J. Aguilar – RF Trahan – LF Montes – C Huichapa – 3B G. Ortiz – SS O. Camacho – 1B Amundsen – 2B Westmoreland – P Clifford
POR: SS Zeltser – 3B Hawkins – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – LF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Without a hit being recorded, the Raccoons loaded the bases in the bottom 2nd, at least as long as you discounted the HIT that Travis Zitzner took to begin the inning. Rubbing his sore bum he jogged to first, then was gently moved along when Stalker walked, Clifford balked, and Reichardt again walked. Elliott Thompson was up with three on and one out, and at least turned an 0-2 pitch into a sac fly. That was the only run of the inning; Okrasinski grounded out to Gavin Westmoreland. Portland’s hurler was untouched the first time through the order, whiffing four, but then had to contend with Jerry Aguilar on base when the centerfielder reached to begin the top of the fourth inning, courtesy of Zitzner throwing away his grounder. Dave Trahan, Andy Montes, and Huichapa were retired in order, though, and the runner stranded on third base.

Many runners there were not; the Raccoons finally got a base hit in the bottom 4th, two actually, but Zitzner’s and Stalker’s singles led nowhere nice with the bottom of the order. Zeltser hit a 1-out single in the fifth and was also stranded. Okrasinski’s no-hitter and gem lasted until the sixth inning, when he came apart at once; he walked leadoff batter Doug Clifford, the darned pitcher, then surrendered a single to Aguilar. Dave Trahan bunted, nobody found their way to the ball, and the infield single loaded the bases with nobody out. Doomed again – what a surprise! Montes grounded up the middle, where Tim Stalker intercepted the ball deep on the infield dirt, but had no play – ANOTHER infield single tied the game and there were still two on. Then the crummy offense of the Falcons struck, Huichapa popped out, and Greg Ortiz grounded into a 6-4-3 inning-ender, keeping the game tied at one. Truth be told, both these teams deserved to be contracted…

Okrasinski’s day ended when he nailed Omar Camacho to begin the seventh. Garavito got the ball and got through the bottom of the order, but that didn’t help Portland to score any markers. Bottom 7th, Alberto Ramos hit for Thompson and singled to left. The Raccoons did not send another pinch-hitter for Garavito, who was asked to bunt, popped two pitches foul, and then actually got the bunt down to move the go-ahead run to second base. Zeltser grounded out, Tom Hawkins flew out to left, and Ramos was stranded. Garavito kept pitching and produced runners on the corners in the eighth, walking Trahan, balking, and conceding a single to Montes. Anaya replaced him with one out against Huichapa, who cracked a ball over Tim Stalker for the go-ahead RBI single. Ortiz also singled before Camacho hit into a double play, mercifully. Camacho soon dealt more damage to his team; in the bottom 8th, not one, not two, but three grounders narrowly escaped to either side of him, allowing Salgado, Zitzner, and Stalker to reach base with singles, the latter one tying the game at two. Billy Jennings ran for Zitzner at this point, carrying the go-ahead run, but Adrian Reichardt’s single to right bounced square into Trahan’s loaded cannon and Jennings had to be held at third base. However, Berto had been retained in the #8 hole (Scheffer was catching and batting second), and extended his stranglehold on the team RBI lead (…!) with a sac fly to Brian Hubbard in left. Jimmy Wallace batted for Anaya, but lined out to Westmoreland to end the inning. Chris Wise retired the Falcons in order in the ninth to put the game away a victory. 3-2 Blighters. Zitzner 2-3; Stalker 2-3, BB, RBI; Thompson 0-1, BB, RBI; Ramos (PH) 1-1, RBI;

I would like nothing more than for once a 5-spot in the first … and our hurler not giving it back right away.

Game 2
CHA: CF J. Aguilar – SS Coughenour – LF Montes – 1B R. Morales – 3B G. Ortiz – RF Trahan – C K. Morris – 2B Westmoreland – P J. Jackson
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Rendon

Not quite five, but Jimmy Wallace hit a bomb in the first inning to give Rendon a 1-0 lead, and the hurler didn’t implode on first sight, instead retired all position players in the Falcons’ order once before allowing a 2-out single to John Jackson. Aguilar flew out to end the top half of the third, while the bottom half saw three Critters on and nobody out after Rendon walked, Ramos singled, and Zeltser also walked. Wallace brought home another run, this time via the vaunted 6-4-3 double play, and Travis Zitzner grounded out to Ortiz to end that inning… Billy Jennings hit a triple in the fourth, but that came with nobody aboard, two outs, and was swiftly followed when the Falcons queued up an intentional walk to Thompson and precise removal of Rendon via pop out.

At least Rendon held up with a 3-hitter through five, then finally got more support in the bottom of the fifth inning with a Ramos Special – Berto singled and stole second before scoring – with the scoring part coming on a Bob Zeltser homer to right, extending the lead to 4-0, although the Falcons took a stab back at it in the sixth. Dave Coughenour singled, Andy Montes tripled into the gap, and they got a 1-out run. Crucially though, Roberto Morales was rung up in a full count, followed by Ortiz grounding out to Zeltser to strand Montes at third base and keeping the lead at three runs… except that the Raccoons clawed that run back in the bottom of the inning. The 7-8-9 batters hit straight singles, with Rendon cashing his first Raccoons RBI, before the inning fell apart with the top of the order; Berto was guilty of hitting into a double play, Zeltser walked, but Wallace grounded out easily.

Rendon hung around until the eighth, which he begun with back-to-back walks to PH Erik Amundson and Aguilar before Coughenour hit into a double play. Although Montes batted left-handedly, Rendon assured the coach he had one more out in him… but didn’t. Montes singled to center, Amundson scored, 5-2, and John Hennessy relieved Rendon to retire Morales. The ninth was more of a mess, too, with Chris Wise allowing Dave Trahan on base with a 1-out single. After Kevin Morris made the second out, Trahan took off for second base, Thompson threw the ball away, and the runner scurried to third before scoring on Westmoreland’s double to right. Omar Camacho pinch-hit as the tying run, while Huichapa was nowhere to be seen, and struck out. 5-3 Raccoons. Ramos 2-5; Reichardt (PH) 1-1; Jennings 2-3, BB, 3B; Rendon 7.2 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (2-1) and 1-2, BB, RBI;

And as of this game, we were last in homers in the CL despite two shots in this contest, but had scrambled our way to the top in stolen bases. Ramos led the team with six, tying him for second in the CL. Oklahoma’s Lorenzo Celaya led the pack with eight bags swiped.

Game 3
CHA: CF J. Aguilar – SS Coughenour – LF Montes – C Huichapa – 1B R. Morales – 3B G. Ortiz – RF Trahan – 2B O. Camacho – P Sparkes
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Chavez

Not included in the game plan: Bernie Chavez walked Ortiz and Trahan, Camacho reaching on a bad throw by Zeltser, and the Falcons having the bases loaded with two outs in the second inning. At least Sparkes struck out… Portland had Fernandez and Jennings on the corners in the bottom 2nd until Philip Scheffer hit into a double play at 0-2. You know, Phil – sometimes you should just strike out instead. Give the pitcher a chance!

The Coons would take the lead eventually when another unlikely player entered the scalding hot RBI lead race. Tim Stalker tied Berto with 11 ribbies when he found Zitzner (single) and Fernandez (walk) on base in the bottom 4th and hit a home run over the fence in right-center to make it 3-0 in favor of Bernie, who had yet to surrender a base hit. Meanwhile, the team homer lead, that had been split between four players prior to this game, saw Bob Zeltser (!) become its sole custodian in the bottom 5th with a 2-run BLAST to right, scoring Ramos in the process.

With a 5-0 lead, attention shifted to Bernie for good; the Falcons had not reached base since the second inning, but he was on 83 pitches through six innings. Huichapa grounded out, Morales whiffed, and Ortiz grounded out in the seventh inning, but that also took 11 pitches to accomplish, and he was on 94 total with six outs to collect. But before we could get into deep arguments whether we should let him throw 128 pitches in pursuit of a no-hitter, Omar Camacho hit a double over the head of Fernandez in the eighth, and the point was moot. That one came with one out and on his 105th pitch, and with a left-hander in Amundson pinch-hitting in the #9 hole also ended his day. Hennessy got the K, and then Prieto coaxed a groundout from Aguilar to end the eighth and keep Bernie’s ledger clean. The ninth went by quickly, despite a Huichapa single off Prieto with two outs. David Fernandez at last got involved in the series, throwing two pitches to get a pop to short from Morales, completing the sweep. 5-0 Coons! Ramos 2-4; Wallace 2-4; M. Fernandez 1-2, BB; Stalker 1-2, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Chavez 7.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 7 K, W (1-1);

…but it was not like no no-no did occur on this day …! [see below]

The Titans got only three runs and one win in their series with the Knights, keeping them in check, and the Loggers (who had been off on Monday) had no luck against the Condors, so things looked a lot less drab as it had on Monday morning. On Thursday morning, the Raccoons were only 2 1/2 games back in the division.

And then the damn Elks came back.

Raccoons (11-11) vs. Canadiens (9-12) – April 28-30, 2034

Since winning two of three from Portland at the start of the season, the damn Elks hadn’t won a damn lot, but for them it had not been about their own success in many years. Their entire spiteful existence revolved around peeing into our pea soup! In this 3-game set the Raccoons hoped to get at least even in the season series against the #8 offense and #10 pitching in the CL. Their rotation was fairly competent, but their bullpen was a complete tire fire, at the bottom of the Continental League with a *7.22* ERA. Get to those relief men, boys! They were also tying for first place in stolen bases along with us.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (1-1, 5.57 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (1-3, 5.01 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (2-0, 3.97 ERA) vs. Geoff Swayze (2-2, 3.06 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (1-2, 4.30 ERA) vs. Ed Miller (1-3, 5.40 ERA)

We would dodge Steve Corcoran (2-2, 2.68 ERA) and instead try go feast on their two weakest right-handers and the southpaw Swayze in between.

Game 1
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – CF Creech – SS S. Green – P Nora
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – 2B Marsingill – P Sabre

After Berto tripled to begin the bottom 1st, Zeltser popped out, but Wallace was awake and at least hit a grounder to a spot where the damn Elks couldn’t cut down Ramos at home plate. The run scored, and it was 1-0, and while Sabre looked shaky to say the least, he had a part in an offensive stir in the bottom 2nd. Adrian Reichardt and Justin Marsingill were on the corners with a pair of singles, and Sabre swung away with one out, hitting a grounder that died halfway up the third base line. Nora had to attempt a play himself, but had none – Sabre legged out the infield single, but since Reichardt had figured he’d get beaten by either Nora or D.J. Robinson on the play, he had held at third base. Ramos batted with the bags stacked, grounded up the middle, and while Eric Morrow made the play to get Sabre out at second, Ramos legged out the throw to first, allowing Reichardt to score. Then Zeltser popped out again… But the pressure remained on in the 2-0 game. Bottom 3rd, leadoff single Wallace, then a Zitzner double, presenting the 5-6-7 batters with a fat chance with runners in scoring position and nobody out. Jimmy scored on Manny Fernandez’ groundout, Zitzner scored during Sam Green’s fumble error of a Reichardt grounder, and it was 4-0. Reichardt stole second, and while he was ultimately stranded, the open base at least cleared the pitcher’s spot after an intentional walk to Marsingill. Things were, overall, looking good after three innings.

Things even looked good through five, with Sabre briefly coming alive and racking up a few strikeouts, but D.J. Robinson opened the sixth with a single and suddenly the damn Elks were hitting the ball well. At least the offense kept up; while Robinson stole second base, he ultimately was stranded at third thanks to a quick swipe by Zitzner on Jesse LeJeune’s bouncer, and Reichardt tracking down a deep drive by ex-Coon Toby Ross. Sabre needed 91 pitches through six, a subtle hint that there was more to his outing than the mere statement of an active 2-hit shutout. A leadoff walk to Will Korecky in the top of the seventh didn’t help. Eric Morrow landed a single, but Gabe Creech lined out to right, Sam Green whiffed, and Sabre somehow bailed out when the Elks’ Nora was not hit for and instead flew out. That was the end for Sabre though, having tossed well over 100 pitches in a solid effort that was however still mischaracterized by merely stating “seven shutout innings”. It was also still a 4-0 game because the middle innings had been a big snooze for the Portland offense. In the seventh, Fernandez singled, but was caught stealing, and then Reichardt hit a 2-out single. A wild pitch moved him to second, and then Nora came right down the middle with a 3-2 offer to Elliott Thompson, and not only E.T. was gonna miss that one, hitting it right out of the basket on his bike and over the fence in left to extend the score to 6-0. What looked like a done deal after seven looked like it was actively becoming ruins in the ninth. After Garavito and Anaya had shared in doing the eighth the original plan had been to just get three more outs with Anaya. That didn’t happen. Two singles, a walk, and a run later, John Hennessy was called upon to face PH Tomas Caraballo, but allowed another 1-out RBI single. Suddenly, we had a save situation and Chris Wise was hurriedly kicked out of the pen. He fell to 3-1 against D.J. Robinson before the leadoff batter grounded out to Marsingill. The runners advanced into scoring position while damn Dusty Mezzanotte stepped into the box. He had almost single-handedly won the season-opening series… but the didn’t win this game, going down on strikes. 6-2 Raccoons. Reichardt 2-3, RBI; Marsingill 2-3, BB, 2B; Sabre 7.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K, W (2-1) and 1-3;

The Loggers had beaten the Condors on Thursday, and with the Titans and Loggers playing each other on the weekend we had no actual shot at the division lead. However, their Friday contest was rained out, with a double header scheduled for Saturday, so at least we made up half a game on Friday.

Game 2
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – CF Creech – LF LeJeune – C Ros – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – 1B T. Caraballo – SS S. Green – P Swayze
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – P del Rio

Hawkins in the first and Stalker in the second unfortunately erased leadoff batters with double play grounders, curtailing early offensive attempts. No Coon reached in the third, while del Rio held the damn Elks to a hit and a walk through four innings. Manny Fernandez dropped a leadoff single in the fourth, bringing up another solid double play choice in Travis Zitzner, but the Zitz resisted his most vicious urges and instead hit a ball over the fence, his third homer of the year, and a 2-0 lead for the Raccoons. That score did not persist for long, for Sam Green ran into a juicy del Rio fastball with two outs in the fifth and nailed that one over the fence in left, too, but at least nobody was on base. Pitcher rung up pitcher, and it was 2-1 in the middle of the fifth.

In the sixth, Robinson drew a leadoff walk, but the damn Elks never got the runner to scoring position. Creech popped out, LeJeune forced out Robinson with a comebacker, and then LeJeune’s itches to advance on his own (he also had 8 stolen bags by now) meant that he strayed far off first base… and was picked off to end the inning. Portland put Reichardt on with a 1-out single in the bottom half of the frame. Salgado popped out – he was the fifth of five consecutive .300+ batters in this lineup and yet we still couldn’t wrap up Swayze in timely fashion… – but Tim Stalker came through with a double into the corner behind Wallaceian defender Will Korecky. Stalker would end up with an RBI triple, 3-1. Scheffer was walked with intent to bring up del Rio, and the pitcher hit a gapper that beat LeJeune for an RBI double – HAL-LE-LUYAH!! Unfortunately, Ramos couldn’t get the ball past Robinson with two outs, stranded a pair, and kept the score at 4-1. One inning later, however, Fernandez doubled, Zitzner was walked intentionally, and Reichardt was nailed by Swayze to load the bases. The pen got involved for Vancouver, but too late, and not with great success, as per usual. Salgado and Stalker both slapped RBI singles before Dave Peluso hung a 74mph breaking pitch right in front of Scheffer’s pointy black nose. The ball was never seen again – GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMM!!!!

Del Rio hung around until the eighth, but also ran out of steam with one out, conceding singles to Green and Matt Anton. One run scored on a 2-out RBI single Creech hit off David Fernandez. Prieto kept the Elks off base in the ninth, though, and the Coons remained undefeated on this week. M. Fernandez 3-5, 2 2B; Zitzner 1-2, 2 BB, HR, 2 RBI; Salgado 3-4, RBI; Stalker 3-4, 3B, 2 RBI; del Rio 7.1 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (3-0) and 1-4, 2B, RBI;

Three homers here, three homers there, but the month is almost over and Zitzner has yet to reach double digits in ribbies… I mean, wow …!

We still lost ground in the division for Boston swept the double header with Milwaukee, but right now all was well. Six wins in a row!

Game 3
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – CF Creech – SS S. Green – P E. Miller
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Another game, another fast start for the Critters – Ramos walked, stole second, and scored on a single by Fernandez, who stole second, then scored on a Zitzner homer; THERE are double digits for our slugger boy! Unfortunately it also didn’t take long for the Elks to flay bits and pieces out of a yowling Pat Okrasinski’s bum. Sam Green hit a jack in the third inning, and then he walked Ed Miller on four pitches, which was slightly concerning, and bad enough that I fumbled away the cap of the Capt’n Coma bottle after unscrewing it for the first time all week. Fine, Cristiano, score me an error. At least Robinson hit into a double play…

Portland came back roaring with a Zeltser triple and Manny Fernandez homer, extending the score to 5-1. Okrasinski responded by completely annihilating the damn, dumb Elks in the middle innings, allowing not a single base runner, but then nailed LeJeune to start the seventh. Oh well, it was a defensible move; I don’t like his face, either. Toby Ross flew deep to right, but was caught at the fence by Fernandez, Korecky fanned, and Morrow bounced out to Zeltser, keeping Okrasinski unharmed in the seventh. We were reasonably cocky enough to have him bat leading off the bottom part of the inning. He struck out for the second time, which was all the K’s on Miller’s ledger, before Berto doubled, but the Critters couldn’t get him in. LeJeune retired Manny in deep left to end the inning. All the Okrasinski episode in the bottom 7th did was to maybe waste a run and then set up stupid Elks on the corners with no outs for PH Tomas Caraballo in the top 8th. Creech and Green had both singled to begin the inning, and the Critters now scrambled for Garavito after all. He was no help immediately, allowing an RBI single to right. Green spun his tires on the way to third, Fernandez unleashed a throw, but it was wild and Zeltser had to chase it down in foul ground, allowing Green to score and Caraballo into second base. Caraballo reached third on Robinson’s single – the tying runs were on base now – and scored on Mezzanotte’s double play roller to Ramos. LeJeune grounded out to Stalker, but all the cushion had turned into tension. Tack-on offense against right-hander Howard Haws turned out not to be a thing, and so it was Chris Wise against lots of middling right-handed batters in the ninth. Toby Ross grounded out to Zeltser. Korecky singled to center. Morrow grounded up the middle, Stalker picked and lobbed it to Ramos in a fluid motion, Berto avoided the barreling Korecky and tossed to first – IN TIME!! SWEEP!! 5-4 Furballs!! M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Reichardt 1-2;

In other news

April 25 – In the Wolves’ 13-4 win over the Capitals, SAL LF/RF Kyle Weinstein (.264, 2 HR, 10 RBI) shines with a 4-hit day and 4 RBI. He misses the cycle by the double.
April 25 – Blue Sox and Pacifics play for 18 innings and well over five hours before the Blue Sox squeeze out two runs in the top of the 18th via a Raul Sanchez (.300, 1 HR, 14 RBI) home run to take a 3-1 win. Neither team scored for 12 innings before both teams put up a marker in the 13th.
April 25 – The Rebels amount to only one hit in a 10-0 thrashing delivered to them by the Stars. DAL SP Logan Bessey (2-2, 4.28 ERA) goes eight innings and only sheds a single to RIC C/1B Willie Carbonell (.222, 0 HR, 3 RBI).
April 26 – No-hitter! The Knights’ Drew Johnson (2-1, 2.30 ERA) keeps the Titans guessing all the way and completes a masterpiece in a 2-0 victory that takes only 2:16 to complete, with the 26-year-old right-hander Johnson walking two and whiffing seven. This is the third Knights no-hitter (Glenn Ryan, 1990; Mario Rosas, 2031) and the first time the Titans have been no-hit since 1991 (SFB Chris O’Keefe)!
April 28 – WAS SP Colt Willes (1-1, 4.03 ERA), who already missed most of 2033 to injury, will be on the DL for most of the month of May at least after straining his biceps.
April 28 – The Pacifics ride a 10-run second inning for a 14-0 rout of the Warriors. LAP OF Tom Dunlap (.345, 5 HR, 18 RBI) leads all players with four base hits, three singles and a double. He drives in two runs, but scores every time he reaches base.
April 29 – As new figurehead for the dreaded sophomore slump, SFB LF/RF/1B Doug Levis (.161, 0 HR, 4 RBI) is out for the season with a broken elbow, a hard crash from lofty heights (which is about how the elbow thing happened) for the 2033 Rookie of the Year that never found his footing in the new season.
April 29 – WAS SP Michael Frank (3-1, 2.01 ERA) 3-hits the Cyclones in a 3-0 Capitals shutout.
April 30 – 28-year-old Indians rookie INF Jason Mazzarella (.125, 0 HR, 1 RBI), who *scored* the winning run in a walkoff scenario the previous day, wins the Indians’ game with the Crusaders in the 11th inning by blindly flailing at a pitch by NYC MR Jason O’Leary (0-2, 7.36 ERA). Since the bat smacks the glove of New York catcher Danny Monge (.260, 0 HR, 5 RBI), the Crusaders are called out for catcher’s interference. Since the bases are loaded in a tied game, the Indians walk off 3-2 winners.
April 30 – An 11-run eighth turns around the Blue Sox’ game against the Miners, which they eventually win, 15-3. NAS 2B Danny Duenas (.255, 2 HR, 11 RBI) drives in five runs from the #8 hole.

Complaints and stuff

Sweep week! Sw-Sw-Sw-… Sweep week! (boogies through the room until stopped by searing hip, back, and neck pain) Ah, Cristiano…! (drops onto the couch) You have it nice, you can sit all day long. (Cristiano shoots a piercing look)

As smitten as I was after the 2-7 start, Friday’s win gave us our first winning record of the season at 12-11, which made for a nice turnaround. The offense remains crummy, but at least individual guys are doing reasonably well now.

Batting for average isnot a problem for this team, we have the second-highest team average and many players are pushing the .300 mark, but we struggle to turn it all into runs, although the power burst on the final weekend here at least lifted us out of the cellar in terms of homers. On the pitching side the first half of the month was much rougher than the second one and the bruises can still be seen. This week Raccoons pitching allowed only 13 runs (while the offense scored 34), so we are definitely going in the right direction. Also: 7-game winning streak!

Mario Rosas was Pitcher of the Month in the CL, going 4-2 with a 2.49 ERA for the Condors, and that is the least aggravating part of the CL’s monthly award trifecta. Disgusting skunk weasel Shane Sanks was Hitter of the Month, and goddamn Dusty Mezzanotte, who’s so fresh that I have yet to find a resentful name for him, was Rookie of the Month.

Luxury problem developing in St. Pete: Jonathan Dykstra has started the season 3-1 with a 1.55 ERA, and Darren Brown is even 4-0 with a 1.10 ERA! To be honest, the peripherals on Dykstra are much better (BB/9, K/9 and so on), and so far we can claim it’s early, but there’s two kits begging for attention in AAA.

The Raccoons will barely be home next month after playing three weeks in Raccoons Ballpark in April. To be precise, it will be six home games in two single-series stints in a May laced with three East Coast road trips. We will start with a spin through New York and Richmond next week.

Fun Fact: Drew Johnson has yet to post a season ERA better than 4.89.

He made his debut in the 2030 season, going 17 games for Richmond with a 6.62 ERA before arriving in Atlanta via trade. He pitched another 19 games (all his appearances that year were in relief) for a 3.43 ERA and a 4.89 ERA total. It did not get better from there as he posted ERA’s of 5.30, 5.45, and 5.03 in a swingman role the following three seasons. Maybe moving him to the rotation permanently has fixed all his ills – he has made four starts and no relief appearances so far in 2034, with a 2.30 ERA and no-hitter against the Titans. What more can you want from a pitcher?

[Questdog]

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! A lossless week! You must have been a good boy!

[Archelirion]

I wouldn't worry too much about those batting numbers - the Aces have two guys challenging for batting honours in Stedham and Gustafson, and what does that get them? 6-19!!

Must be something to do with the hot Nevada air. Or, I suspect, a pitching roster so terrible even Gurney and 2033 Rico look compet- okay not Rico

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! A lossless week! You must have been a good boy!

I was so naughty that I will have to try and avoid Maud when we get back to Portland... I may have accidentally dropped my peanut butter jelly sandwich on the good carpet in her office (of course, filthy side down) and framed Chad for it before leaving town in a hurry...

Originally Posted by Archelirion

I wouldn't worry too much about those batting numbers - the Aces have two guys challenging for batting honours in Stedham and Gustafson, and what does that get them? 6-19!!

Must be something to do with the hot Nevada air. Or, I suspect, a pitching roster so terrible even Gurney and 2033 Rico look compet- okay not Rico

Still unemployed btw...!

+++

Raccoons (14-11) @ Crusaders (8-16) – May 1-4, 2034

We had four with the Crusaders over in their borough of choice, which required leaving our own burrow for the first time in two weeks. Ugh, sunlight…! The Crusaders had dropped five in a row and were at the bottom of the CL North. They were not scoring runs at all and their offense looked pathetic throughout, and their pitching had merely been “eh”. They had allowed the fifth-fewest runs in the CL; not that it helped undo the tremendous damage done by a comatose offense scoring only 3.3 runs per game. The Raccoons had owned last year’s season series, waffling the **** out of New York 14 out of 18 times.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (2-1, 3.69 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (0-3, 5.51 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-1, 2.45 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (0-3, 5.08 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-1, 4.18 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (1-3, 3.28 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (3-0, 3.60 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (2-2, 3.15 ERA)

In a rare occurrence, this was a series that saw neither team even carry a left-handed starter; not only that no left-handers would start a game … there weren’t any!

Now, get that 7-game winning streak up to eleven, boys!

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Rendon
NYC: LF Tessmann – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – C F. Garcia – SS J. Brown – RF Camps – P E. Cannon

There were so many ex-Coons and ex-Elks in that lineup that you had to be genuinely frightened, though. Fernando Garcia had even played for both teams and I was near-certain he’d hit seven homers in the series. To score first, though, were the Critters, who got a Philip Scheffer double to begin the third after two uneventful innings at the top of the contest. After Rendon fanned, the Coons got singles from the 1-2-3 batters, with Zeltser and Fernandez each grabbing an RBI. Zitzner struck out, but Wallace’s grounder was at least good enough to get an error out of Mario Hurtado that moved a third run across before Tim Stalker lined out to Ryan Czachor. Gilberto Rendon returned to his old place of employment to face the minimum after three innings (although Danny Tessmann singled and was caught stealing in the first inning), but also took a whopping *51* pitches to log nine outs. Worsening weather and a brief rain delay in the middle innings didn’t help build Rendon’s case to go deep into the game, but while he was around he was fairly successful, in fact let’s go into every batter that reached base for New York through six innings. Hurtado drew a 2-out walk in the fourth, stole second, then was stranded. And Tessmann hit a 2-out single in the sixth, and was again caught stealing by Philip Scheffer, who also made it two in another regard, hitting his second leadoff double of the game in the seventh, a line-hugger that got past Tessmann in left. Ramos singled to move him to third base, and with two outs Manny Fernandez found real estate behind erstwhile teammate Juan Camps for a 2-run double, running the Critters’ tally to five. Rendon was lifted after back-to-back 1-out singles by Mario Hurtado and Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, batting .277 with one homer. Ed Blair popped up Czachor, but sure as hell allowed an RBI single to Garcia – never mind that the catcher was hitting under .100 for the year. After Josh Brown walked, Juan Camps came up as the tying run, but struck out, stranding a full set. Portland went on to send Hugo Salgado and Alberto Ramos to the corners with nobody out in the ninth inning. The only run they got off lefty Bill Herrmann came on a Tom Hawkins-sponsored double play grounder. Fernando Garcia hit a single off David Fernandez in the bottom 9th, but that was all. 6-1 Furballs! Ramos 4-5; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Scheffer 2-4, 2 2B; Salgado (PH) 1-1; Rendon 6.1 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (3-1);

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Chavez
NYC: LF Tessmann – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – 3B Czachor – SS Schuler – 1B J. Brown – RF Kok – P J. Martin

The J stood not for Jaylen, as evidenced by the back-to-back blasts hit by Fernandez and Travis Zitzner right in the first inning. Tim Stalker nearly added another one in the top of the second, but had to settle for a double. The 7-8 batters however were courteous enough to score him with a pair of grounders up the middle, extending the score line to 3-0, most of which dissipated when Bernie Chavez insisted on walking the veteran Czachor, who wouldn’t swing at any old fart of a pitch, and Josh Brown in the bottom 2nd, then gave up a wailing 2-out, 2-run double to Barend Kok. And while Bernie struck out nobody the first time through and only three by the time four innings were over, Joe Martin piled up NINE strikeouts in just four innings. For the Portland batters, it was homer-or-die, and after the first inning they did a damn lot of dying.

And while the Coons scratched out a run in the fifth in which Bernie Chavez doubled and scored on a Zeltser single, his pitching was just awful. Not only did he issue four walks in five innings, despite only four hits and two runs on his ledger he was *done* after five. Getting that not-so-far had taken him 102 pitches. Antonio Prieto seemed to do little better, issuing a leadoff walk to Czachor when the bottom 6th came around. The 37-year-old sure new bad pitches – but misjudged his rear wheel spin rate, and was caught stealing by Thompson. That inning amounted to nothing for New York, and Mauricio Garavito struck out Kok, Howden, the dumb pig, and Tessmann in order in the seventh. Anaya was in for the bottom 8th and here the problems began. The first three Crusaders he saw hit absolute crushers; Chris Reardon doubled to left, then scored on Hurtado’s pistol shot of a single. Danny Monge cracked another hard bouncer – right at Tim Stalker, who was also veteran enough to not take it in the throat, but rather turn two on it. Anaya had to assure the pitching coach three times that he knew what the **** he was doing, then got Czachor to ground out to Berto to end the eighth, but with the cushion gone. And when Chris Wise appeared for the ninth inning, the troubles kicked into fifth gear. Randy Schuler reached with a bloop single to begin the inning. Matt Jamieson grounded out, but Kok walked. Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, hit the game-tying single to center, and the Crusaders called the hit-and-run with PH Stephen Williams, batting with all of his .182 clip, appeared in the #1 hole. The liner dropped in centerfield in front of Manny Fernandez, and pinch-runner Juan Camps scored easily from second base. 5-4 Crusaders. Jennings (PH) 1-1;

Well, positive things can be learned from this game. For once, it’s not helpful to your cause if you strike out a ****ing FIFTEEN TIMES.

They also only walked once (Wallace); New York walked six times and whiffed only seven times.

Portland made a change not unrelated to the problem just described. Justin Marsingill had one at-bat in this game and struck out. He was batting .182 and we were not even actively using him; he had a whopping 22 at-bats at this point. He was sent to AAA, with Rich Vickers (.316 in St. Pete) brought up. Vickers had no spot in the lineup, but that was something we could sort out later. Or business for Dr. Chung would.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Sabre
NYC: LF Tessmann – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – SS Schuler – RF Camps – P Holliday

Alberto Ramos extended a hitting streak to 13 games at the top of the game, then was immediately doubled off by Bob Zeltser. But Berto was a clever boy and learned – next time around he hit a triple instead, so when Zelts would ground over to short he could score instead… and did! That tied the game at one in the third inning, negating a Mario Hurtado homer from the first frame. Hurtado walked his next time up, leading off the bottom 4th, and was doubled up by Howden, the dumb pig.

Neither team got the sticks up much; both teams would be stuck on three hits and one run through five innings, with the Crusaders failing to cash in Ryan Czachor’s leadoff double off the fence in the bottom 5th. Wallace landed a leadoff single in the seventh, which was enough to get me giddy because SOMETHING was happening. Stalker whiffed, and Reichardt grounded to short, and the inning would have been over if not for Schuler’s bad throw into Hurtado’s legs that led to nobody being retired at all. Instead all .167 of Elliott Thompson appeared to hit with runners on second and first and one out, and he lobbed an 0-2 pitch to right for a single. That filled the bags, and while the Raccoons did not desire to bat for Sabre, they had to, especially with the Crusaders sending Rin Nomura to replace Holliday. Nomura had been a Critter so long ago, he had actually been teammates with Jon Gonzalez, a first baseman of back then when we didn’t have to contend with dumb pig first basemen like Howden. He was also still a southpaw, so Rich Vickers was sent into the fray in the #9 hole. Three pitches, all for strikes, and then Ramos flew out to Reardon. Nobody scored.

Hennessy and Blair wobbled through a non-strike, wild-pitch laden bottom 7th that saw Jamieson stranded at third base, somehow, when Juan Camps hacked himself out – Ed Blair’s offerings certainly didn’t force him to. Garcia pinch-hit to begin the bottom 8th. Blair threw him three balls, and certainly didn’t force him to ground out to short, but Garcia did so anyway. Hurtado was smarter, drawing the leadoff walk on four pitches from Prieto in the bottom 9th. Monge doubled to right, and Josh Brown ended the game with a sac fly to Wallace. 2-1 Crusaders. Ramos 2-4, 3B; Sabre 6.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 3 K;

…and then it all fell apart again…

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 3B Hawkins – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P del Rio
NYC: LF Tessmann – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – SS Schuler – RF Camps – P Hicks

Barely into May, Jimmy Wallace reached 10 RBI with a Ramos-plating double in the first inning. That came with two outs and also moved Tim Stalker to third base, but Hawkins grounded out to end the inning. The following inning, four Crusaders reached base against Ignacio del Rio, but they didn’t score a run. Howden, the dumb pig, hit a leadoff single; Czachor doubled him up before Schuler was nailed, Camps walked, and Hicks singled with two outs and two strikes on him (…!!!). Tessmann, batting .440 while constantly being on base, grounded out to Zitzner to keep the 1-0 lead intact.

The Critters then tacked on three (and could have had four o’ more) in the top of the third inning. Berto began it with a single to center, then stole his 10th base of the season. Stalker flew out poorly, and Fernandez walked, setting up two for Zitzner, who nevertheless got a ball over the dumb pig and up the rightfield line for an RBI double; it was here that Fernandez was sent around and thrown out at home plate by Camps. Wallace and Hawkins however romped 2-out hits to each drive in another run before Jennings rolled out to Hurtado in the 4-0 contest.

New York pulled one back in the fourth on Czachor and Schuler singles and Camps’ sac fly, to which Zitzner and Wallace replied with a soft dinker of a leadoff single and a LOUD double to center, respectively. Danny Monge lost Hicks’ 0-1 to Hawkins, allowing Zitzner to score. Hawkins popped out, but Jennings walked and Thompson snuck a single past Hurtado to plate Jimmy and knock out Hicks in a 6-1 game. del Rio then got Jennings killed at third base with a horrendous bunt, which cost a run on Ramos’ single to right when Stalker ended the inning with a grounder to Hurtado. Wallace tacked on a run in the sixth against righty Gabe McGill, though, plating Manny Fernandez with a sac fly, 7-1. With the same score we removed three regulars in the seventh-inning stretch, figuring that this was unlikely to blow up; Ramos, Fernandez, and Wallace were all subbed out. The guys in between produced another run in the eighth, with Zitzner doubling home Tim Stalker. Del Rio threw 114 pitches for eight full innings, which was also a success, and Hennessy did a quick ninth to get outta town. 8-1 Raccoons. Ramos 2-3, BB; Stalker 3-5; Zitzner 3-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Wallace 3-3, 2 2B, 3 RBI; del Rio 8.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (4-0) and 1-4;

Raccoons (16-13) @ Rebels (13-15) – May 5-7, 2034

The Rebs had not been all-out bad so far, which was already a positive given their recent fortunes. But while their pitching was solid with the fourth-fewest runs surrendered in the Federal League, they were having trouble scoring. They also had the fourth-fewest runs on the board. Their batting average was the second-worst in the FL, and they were neither homering nor stealing bases well. Their defense was also among the worst in the FL. The Raccoons had dropped two out of three the last two times we had met, which had been in 2030 and 2031.

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (2-2, 4.20 ERA) vs. Kyle Dominy (4-2, 3.69 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (3-1, 3.32 ERA) vs. Bryce Sudar (2-1, 4.08 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-1, 2.64 ERA) vs. Josh Weeks (2-0, 3.91 ERA)

We would not see the southpaw until Sunday, which was not entirely to my liking, but we’d defer sitting the left-handed regulars entirely until then. The next off day was not until Thursday of next week and I didn’t want to keep running them out and into the ground until we’d see another southpaw, probably on Tuesday.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 3B Zeltser – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski
RIC: SS Obando – 3B S. Sierra – 2B B. Freeman – RF Carr – LF Campisi – C Carbonell – 1B Madrid – CF Mntua – P Dominy

While the Coons were retired in order by Dominy the first time through, Brazilian Telma Mntua (those vowels seemed out of order for sure…) hit a sac fly to get Richmond in the lead in the bottom 2nd after Bernie Carbonell and Jose Madrid (not to be confused with the 1980s Jose Madrid) had gone to the corners with base hits. Portland first reached when Berto legged out an infield single in the fourth, stretching the hitting streak to 15 games. Stalker hit a clean single, Fernandez flew out, but Zitzner singled to left, loading the bases. Jimmy Wallace shot a grounder to right, Ben “Nine Fingers” Freeman dove, but didn’t get it (ten fingers might have helped), but nobody dared to advance more than one station on the RBI single against the executioner’s arm of Ryan Carr in rightfield. Zeltser whiffed and Reichardt popped out to strand three runners in a tied game. Portland instead grabbed the lead in the fifth; Scheffer hit a leadoff double, then scored on a Ramos single to center.

Things looked reasonably good despite the sluggish offense because Okrasinski just went into shutdown mode in the middle innings and eventually held on to a 3-hitter through seven innings, throwing 97 pitches. Garavito and Blair ganged up to hold the Rebels away in the eighth inning, with Guillermo Obando’s 2-out single being everything Richmond scratched together in the inning. We faced ex-Critter Jared Stone in the ninth and got absolutely nothing, putting a shaky Chris Wise (6.07 ERA??) up against the 3-4-5 batters, who were at least all right-handed batters and none of them had a great season so far; Carr was only batting .185 at this point. Wise did the honors in order to put that squeezer into the books. 2-1 Coons. Ramos 3-4, RBI; Wallace 2-4, RBI; Okrasinski 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (3-2);

That put us at 3-2 on the week. The Titans had been off on Thursday but lost on Friday, giving them a 2-2 week up until now, meaning that we were now closer than on Monday morning, with the gap down to two games.

Also, Berto’s on fire. 12 base hits on the week and counting!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – C Thompson – P Rendon
RIC: SS Obando – C Paiz – 2B B. Freeman – RF Carr – LF Campisi – 1B Rempfer – 3B S. Sierra – CF Mntua – P Sudar

The former Elk Sudar piled up a bunch of strikeouts early, but the Raccoons were able to scratch out a run in the second thanks to leadoff walks to Zitzner and Wallace, then two productive groundouts, and another one in the third when Fernandez tripled in Berto. The Rebels had their runners, too, f.e. two in the first inning right away, but couldn’t move them around. Sudar came unglued in the fifth then, with Ramos and Stalker reaching base on singles, scoring on a long Fernandez double in the right-center gap, and Zitzner also singled home Manny to extend the tally to 5-0 before Wallace chopped it to Freeman who made two full outs with less than two full sets of fingers on his hands.

All was well, at least until everything seemed like the Rebels would now go full Chancellorsville on Rendon in the bottom 5th. Obando hit a single and reached third base with two outs thanks to Thompson fumbling the ball on a stolen base attempt, then a wild pitch by Rendon, who ended up walking Cyril Campisi with two outs. Brent Rempfer dropped a ball in front of home plate with Rebs on the corners, and Thompson threw so badly to first base that Zitzner had to fall to his right to make a catch, and then the discussion was one whether he had kept his hindpaw on the bases. The Rebels insisted that he hadn’t and their mascot was angrily swinging his sabre on top of their dugout, but the Raccoons bickered back and the umpire shrugged and called Rempfer out. That ended the inning.

Rendon’s day was over soon as well. His exploding pitch count kept him from even finishing six innings. David Fernandez got one out, Victor Anaya got six, and somewhere along the way Zitzner hit a leadoff double and was plated via a Zeltser single, running the tally to six. Prieto and Hennessy split the ninth inning after Steve Sierra singled off the former. Hennessy rung up both Mntua and Danny Figueroa to end the game. 6-0 Coons! Ramos 2-5; M. Fernandez 2-5, 3B, 2B, 3 RBI; Zitzner 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Anaya 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

That was a nice game! Apart from Rendon failing to go deep. He has gone past 6.1 innings only twice so far. But at least he’s 4-0 in his last five efforts.

There was a change of plan for Sunday. Berto was too damn hot to sit him now. Wallace and Fernandez were on the bench though.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – LF Jennings – 2B Vickers – C Scheffer – P Chavez
RIC: SS Obando – 3B S. Sierra – 2B B. Freeman – LF Campisi – 1B Rempfer – C Carbonell – RF Figueroa – CF Mntua – P Weeks

The Raccoons didn’t hit much until Bernie Chavez hit a double to left in the visitor’s half of the third inning. Nothing came of that, either, but at least both times had no runs for two hits after three innings. Reichardt, Jennings, Vickers then loaded the bases with one out in the fourth, scrabbling together two walks and a single along the way. A Scheffer double would come in handy at this point, but he grounded to the right side. However, “Nine Fingers” missed that one as well, and since everybody had been moving on contact, two runs scored to break the ice. Then Bernie hit into a double play… Scheffer came up again in the sixth with Jennings and Vickers on the corners and two out, but flew out to Danny Figueroa. In the bottom of the inning, Bernie was in slight trouble for the first time in at least an hour. Obando drew a 2-out walk, stole second, and then Sierra laced a liner to left. Good thing Jimmy Wallace had the day off – Billy Jennings made a sliding catch to end the inning. Wallace would have missed that one, would have torn up the grass, and broken his face on the seventh tumble for sure.

The Raccoons scratched and clawed their way through the game with their 2-0 lead. Bernie had a 2-hitter through seven, and in the eighth there was Scheffer again with two on and two outs, although to be fair the situation was after Vickers had reached on a Sierra error. He was on first base, Jennings – unretired – was on second. Josh Weeks walked him on five pitches, which got him up to 121 on the day. And then the weirdest scene broke out; there was Weeks, panting, and there was Chavez, stepping into the box only after looking back to his dugout five times to make sure he was really supposed to be there. Neither team blinked; they both refused to blink. Exhausted pitcher would toss to pitcher with three on and two outs in the top of the eighth… and Bernie popped out. Which would be FINE, as long as he finished the game or at least would not get chancellorsvilled. Willie Carbonell popped out. Figueroa was out on a comebacker. And then Mntua doubled in the gap, pulled something and had to be replaced with pinch-runner Ryan Carr, and Luigi Banfi, batting .111 with 3 RBI, hit for the gassed Weeks. He grounded out to Ramos on the 2-2, which put Bernie Chavez at 99 through eight, so unless the Critters would tack on he’d not get to finish the game with the top of the order drawing up. Top 9th, Berto led off with a single against righty Alex Aguilar. Manny batted for a hitless Hawkins, but popped out in a full count. Aguilar then tried to pick the runner off, threw the ball over Rempfer, and Ramos scurried up to second base. It didn’t help; Salgado and Zitzner both struck out. And thus it was Wise in the ninth against the 1-2-3 array. Obando grounded out to Berto. Sierra fanned. Freeman grounded out to Zeltser at third base. 2-0 Blighters. Ramos 2-5; Jennings 3-3, BB; Chavez 8.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 6 K, W (2-1) and 1-4, 2B;

In other news

May 3 – Not unheard of in 36-year-old players, chronic back soreness will keep 3B Andy Schmit (.143, 3 HR, 6 RBI) out of the Thunder lineup for at least three weeks.
May 4 – PIT 3B Omar Lastrade (.266, 3 HR, 19 RBI) is expected to miss a month after straining a groin muscle while running the basepaths.
May 5 – TIJ RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.352, 4 HR, 14 RBI) drives in four runs on as many hits in a 13-5 drubbing of the Gold Sox.
May 5 – OCT INF/RF Ben Riffer (.300, 0 HR, 1 RBI) is out for the season with a ruptured medial collateral ligament.
May 6 – CHA LF/RF Andy Montes (.310, 1 HR, 11 RBI) collects five hits and four RBI in the Falcons’ 11-8 win over the Blue Sox.
May 6 – NAS SP Sean Fowler (2-2, 6.69 ERA) could be lost for the season with a partially torn labrum. The Blue Sox have yet to announce whether they feel relief over the development.

Complaints and stuff

Number One in the power rankings! That’s what a 17-6 run does for you.

Berto has a 17-game hitting streak; he only got a single in the seventh on Sunday, but somehow it worked out for him. Of course he hit another one in the ninth. He didn’t score either time, but that was one of those games where the only guy with an extra-base hit started the game in the #9 hole. Berto was also snubbed for Player of the Week honors. While he batted 16-for-30, he did so with only one extra base hit, and Willie Ojeda hit .500 with three homers and seven RBI for Tijuana.

No, the offense remains thoroughly not great overall despite a number of appeasing individual efforts. Berto’s up to .333 for example, Manny has 14 extra base hits, Zitzner has 16, and we have eight guys batting .286 or more (generously including Rich Vickers’ 2-for-6 mark). There’s hardly an outright sucker on the roster!

Elliott Thompson’s close though.

Next week: three at home with the Scorpions, then right back over the hills to Boston, which could be a really interesting series… We will be gone for two weeks that time, meandering through Milwaukee, Vegas, and Oklahoma before coming back to play the Baybirds.

Fun Fact: 24 years ago today, the Aces’ Ricardo Garcia hit for the cycle again in a 10-4 win over the Gold Sox.

That was Garcia’s second career cycle and also his last (nobody has ever connected for three). After him it took until Tim Stalker to find another ABL player to hit for multiple cycles.

Garcia’s career was cut short by a torn back muscle suffered while hitting .272 with 17 homers for the 2013 Titans when he was in his 10th season including a cup of coffee in ’04. He led the league in doubles once and made the 2010 All Star team. Overall he hit .269/.330/.455 with 126 HR and 627 RBI as well as 71 SB before retiring at age 31.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (19-13) vs. Scorpions (17-15) – May 8-10, 2034

We had won the only two series played with the Scorpions in the last nine years, both times two to one games, and had not actually lost a series to them since we had been a mere two-time championship outfit. They were having trouble to score four runs per game, but had stingy pitching with the second-best rotation in the Federal League, which did contain the odd surprise or two. Not that I was always openly rooting against former Raccoons….

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (2-1, 3.71 ERA) vs. Jesus Rodarte (2-2, 3.68 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (4-0, 3.08 ERA) vs. John McInerney (3-2, 2.36 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (3-2, 3.65 ERA) vs. Andy Palomares (6-0, 1.91 ERA)

Yes, that’s OUR Andy Palomares. No, there is not another one of those around. No, I can’t fathom it either. That’s merely three full runs better than his 18-game stint with Portland last season. He had won every game he started. He would also be the only right-handed opposition in what figured to be a chewy series.

Speaking of chewy, Nick Valdes beat me to the office on Monday morning and went into the only bag of cookies I liked so much. And he only ate the chocolate chip ones! Only raspberry left for me… - Wait, Cristiano. Why are there black smears on the push rims of your wheelchair?? And your paws, too! – ET TU, CRISTIANO??

Game 1
SAC: SS Downs – CF Vermillion – RF Greenway – C M. Cook – 1B Bonnett – 2B Marek – LF Abel – 3B Stackhouse – P Rodarte
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Salgado – 3B Zeltser – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Sabre

The Critters got off to a quick start, netting leadoff doubles from Berto, who ran his hitting streak to 18 games, and Zeltser in the first two innings. Both scored; Ramos came around on a Wallace double play grounder (whatever works…?) while Zeltser’s heroics were followed with RBI base knocks by both Adrian Reichardt and Raffaello Sabre before ill weather forced an hour-long delay in proceedings, which would surely not help Sabre go deep into the game. He had thrown 29 pitches in the first two innings, and maybe we could still get him through five? … or maybe he would already be bad when play finally resumed. 3-0 became 3-1 on hits by Rodarte and Adam Downs, a wild pitch, and Mark Vermillion’s groundout. Troy Greenway walked with two outs, presenting Mitch Cook with the tying runs on the corners even before Sabre presented him with a full count. Cook grounded out, but the bullpen began stretching even as the fourth inning began. Say, Nick, what would a machine cost that keeps the rain away when our team is leading? – So it’s not in the budget?

Tim Stalker singled home Elliott Thompson with two outs in the fourth, restoring the 3-run gap. Sabre began the fifth on 71 pitches, and with left-handed rescue ready and waiting. He issued eight more, enough to walk PH Luis Amezquita in the #9 hole and concede the run on a grounder and Vermillion’s single. Garavito replaced him, was ineffective, and 2-out singles by Mitch Cook and Erik Bonnett got us to 4-3 with two outs. Prieto was sent in to face the .034 batting righty Zach Marek, you know, to make REALLY SURE, and got him to ground out to Ramos, getting us finally through the top of the fifth. Travis Zitzner hit a leadoff triple in the bottom 5th and scored on Salgado’s sac fly, but the trouble with the Scorpions remained; Prieto allowed a single to Tim Stackhouse, walked Marquis Stubblefield, and was lifted for David Fernandez with two outs and the tying runs in scoring position following Adam Downs’ grounder, bringing back Vermillion, who lined a pitch into the rightfield corners anyway, and we were tied at five, but not for long.

Lisuarte Paradela, a veteran lefty on the downwards part of his career trajectory, would give the Raccoons a new shot with a lead. He walked Stalker and Zitzner in the bottom 7th, then gave up a blast with two outs to Bob Zeltser, well and true over the wall in right-center. Not that it was the end of all things in this game. The offensively inane Scorpions kept trying to come back. Chris Sandstrom stung Ed Blair with a 2-out solo homer in the eighth, cutting the lead back to 8-6, and then we would have to survive Chris Wise’s hit-and-miss approach to closing games, too. Giovanni James pinch-hit to lead off the ninth and almost landed extra bases on a 1-2 pitch (well, ex-Coons coming back to sneak lunch…), Greenway struck out, and Cook rolled over to Ramos to end the game. 8-6 Raccoons. Stalker 2-4, BB, RBI; Zitzner 2-3, BB, 3B; Zeltser 2-4, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; D. Fernandez 1.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K, W (1-0);

I blamed the rain for this shoddy win, while Valdes blamed my shoddy management. Nobody was happy. (munches raspberry cookie with visible displeasure)

Game 2
SAC: 2B Duenez – CF Vermillion – RF Greenway – C M. Cook – 1B Bonnett – SS Downs – LF Abel – 3B Stackhouse – P McInerney
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – RF Salgado – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P del Rio

The undefeated del Rio soon enough found himself in the midst of a comedy of errors, that somehow didn’t turn tragic in either of the first two acts. The first three base runners of the game were not only all Scorpions, but all reached on errors. Tom Hawkins made the first two; short-hopping a throw on Adam Downs’ grounder in the second that eluded Zitzner, then fumbling Stackhouse’s grounder outright to begin the third. When McInerney, the old Indians foe, bunted, the ball came back to del Rio, who also threw it past Zitzner, putting runners in scoring position with no outs. Mario Duenez popped out, Vermillion lined out to Berto, and Greenway grounded out to Ramos, too, and nobody scored. Scheffer then was the first batter to reach on his own merits, singling to center in the bottom of the third, but was doubled up by del Rio’s bunt. Then it also rained for a 20-minute delay, and somehow I was sure by now that this would not turn out a W.

Del Rio, who achieved the rare feet of being scheduled for being yelled at after the game despite pitching a no-hitter into the fifth, got around Tim Stackhouse’s double in that inning as well as a 2-out walk to Duenez when Vermillion grounded out to Zitzner. The Raccoons got the leadoff man on base in the bottom 5th, but Hugo Salgado also twisted his ankle while hitting that infield single. Wallace replaced him, with Manny Fernandez swinging over to rightfield, and the next three batters all made poor outs in the scoreless affair. But del Rio held up and maybe Berto could get things moving. He hit a single with one down in the sixth, extending his hitting streak to 19 games, then took off for second base. Cook threw the ball into his bum and it bounced away from the middle infielders, allowing Berto to scamper for third base, which was also where Stalker (grounder to Stackhouse) and Fernandez (fly to Christian Abel) stranded him.

Top 8th, Duenez legged out an infield single to begin the frame. Del Rio’s round black eyes narrowed to slits and he struck out the next three batters in order, but then also indicated that he was gassed after 107 pitches. Rewarding him would require an effort from the bottom of the order; Tom Hawkins surely tried, hitting a double over the head of Gold Glover Vermillion to begin the bottom 8th. Scheffer and Rich Vickers both grounded over to Stackhouse, who played the first ball but fumbled the second, which put runners on the corners with one out for Berto, while this now also meant that hits (7) were barely outnumbering errors (5) in this game, and yet still nobody had scored a ****ing run. Berto got it done, sort of, hitting a grounder to the right side. Duenez got Vickers at second base, but Ramos beat the return throw and Tom Hawkins scored to break the ice in May. Stalker singled, but Fernandez went down on strikes against a resilient McInerney, who was now the loser of the pitching duel as long as we could coax another three outs from Chris Wise and his 5+ ERA. Except, hold that thought. He had been out two days in a row, his results were meh, and a left-hander was due to lead off the ninth inning. The Coons turned to David Fernandez instead. Marquis Stubblefield hit for Bonnett, but that was still a lefty batter, and one who singled. Two outs later, the tying run was at second base with Stackhouse up, who was a righty batting .298; McInerney was still behind him. The Coons tried to be clever; with first base open, they walked Stackhouse intentionally, seeing how the Scorpions had to either send a lefty batter for McInerney… or Marek, who was batting 1-for-31. With as many hits, Luis Amezquita had 11 more hits and was announced as pinch-hitter. Fernandez got to 1-2… and then threw a ball into the wheelhouse that was never seen again. Amezquita’s first homer of the year blew the game apart, and Chris Henry (1.72 ERA) got around a Jimmy Wallace single to nail down the save. 3-1 Scorpions. Stalker 2-4; Salgado 1-2; Wallace 1-2; del Rio 8.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 9 K;

No, thanks Maud… (has a thin stream of blood running from one corner of the mouth) … I appreciate your effort to buy new cookies at 10pm, but I think I would now rather eat shards of glass. (breaks the neck off another bottle o’ booze)

Hugo Salgado had a twisted ankle and would be day-to-day the rest of the week. Dr. Chung criticized his weakness and girlish whining and that he insisted on getting crutches. He again recommended 20-mile marches on gameday morning for all players in order to harden them. Maybe a parade with bats swung over the shoulder, too.

Game 3
SAC: 2B Duenez – CF Vermillion – RF Greenway – C M. Cook – 1B Bonnett – SS Downs – LF Abel – 3B Stackhouse – P Palomares
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Next game, next intentional walk to Tim Stackhouse that wouldn’t turn out all that rosy. It came in the fourth, with Adam Downs on second and two outs. Palomares struck an RBI single, and the Scorpions’ lead built to 3-1. Downs had knocked a homer in the second, following a leadoff walk to Bonnett, and the Coons’ three singles in the bottom 2nd – Stalker, Jennings, Thompson – could only cobble together one run. No further intentional walk was issued to Stackhouse with two down and Erik Bonnett on third base in the sixth inning. Let Okrasinski figure that one out for himself! Stackhouse thus of course slapped an RBI single, 4-1, and Palomares struck out…

While Palomares remained largely impenetrable, Okrasinski allowed a 10th hit, a leadoff single, to Duenez in the seventh before being yanked. Hennessy would grind his way through the inning on over 20 pitches to keep that runner stranded. Not that it mattered in the slightest. The Raccoons kept hitting nothing at all against Palomares for eight full innings, then drew more blanks against Chris Henry in the ninth. 4-1 Scorpions. Thompson 1-2, BB, RBI;

Few did much, many did little, and Alberto Ramos got hit by Palomares in the eighth after going 0-for-3 prior to that. His hitting streak thus ended at 19 games.

Nick Valdes complained that the team had not been a joy to watch and he was not recouping his emotional investments, then abducted the bag of cookies on his way to Guinea-Bissau, where he was razing the country’s biggest orphanage for a 75,000-capacity soccer stadium.

Raccoons (20-15) @ Titans (21-12) – May 12-14, 2034

The shoddy performance at home meant that the Raccoons arrived in Boston two games back, but at least after an off day; Boston had been off on Monday. Our limping offense would probably challenged against the league-best pitching, with the Titans only allowing 3.3 runs per game. Their offense was crummy, eighth in runs scored, and also reduced in strength with Keith Spataro and Moises Avila on the DL. The Coons had lost two of three the first time around against Boston.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (4-1, 2.89 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (3-1, 2.38 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-1, 2.09 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (3-3, 2.91 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-1, 3.99 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (2-3, 4.47 ERA)

Again left-left-right. And those weren’t even all the southpaws with 2.xx ERA’s the Titans had; there was also Dustin Wingo (3-2, 2.45 ERA), but he had pitched on Thursday and was not in the picture.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – RF M. Fernandez – 3B Hawkins – C Thompson – P Rendon
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – C Lessman – 3B E. Gonzalez – 1B J. Green – CF D’Angelo – P M. Gonzalez

Gilberto Rendon figuratively had his brains beaten in right in the first inning. Three hits, two walks, a hit batter, and three runs before Mario Gonzalez struck out to strand three. Mark Walker hit an RBI double, Josh Green singled in two, and that hit batter, David Lessman, was later found out to have a broken finger and would be out for a month, which only increased the Titans’ motivation, now with Pat Sanford behind the dish. A 2-out sequence of a Willie Vega single, Mark Walker’s RBI triple, and a Sanford RBI single stretched the tally to 5-0 in the second, and the Titans had secured their division lead through Monday at that point.

A rain delay of 52 minutes erased Rendon in the fourth inning, at which point he was also the only Raccoon to drop in a base hit. Tim Stalker was nailed by Mario Gonzalez twice; the latter instance would bring up the tying run in the fifth inning with three on and two out for Wallace. The inning had begun with a Manny Fernandez infield single. He only scored with two outs on a Salgado double from the #9 spot before Ramos and Stalker got on base, too. Jimmy Wallace could make the difference between another shot at the game and a 3-game losing streak with two more in Boston to come, and he grounded out ****tily to Rhett West.

Also affected by the rain delay, Gonzalez only oversaw the game until Zitzner doubled off him to begin the sixth. Andrew Johnson replaced the starter and conceded the run on a Fernandez single and Tom Hawkins’ sac fly, but that was not the leap that we could have had an inning earlier. Mark Walker had his third RBI hit of the game in response, a 2-out RBI single off David Fernandez in the bottom of the inning, scoring West, who had doubled. And yet, the Titans were insisting of giving Portland more chances. Johnson loaded the bags in the top 7th with a Zeltser single in the #9 hole, then 4-pitch walks to both Stalker and Wallace. That brought up Travis Zitzner with a fat double play chance, but popped out on the first pitch. Adrian Reichardt didn’t get a chance to do even that, getting nailed on the following toss by Johnson. That forced in a run, but the Titans manager had apparently fallen asleep because no other reliever was coming in. Manny Fernandez flew out to Brian D’Angelo to end the inning anyway…

Top 8th, Hawkins opened with a single off Tim Zimmerman, who was immediately replaced with lefty Wyatt Hamill. Hawkins had been shifted to first base, removing Zitzner in a superficial triple switch that also expressed my great displeasure at his paltry 15 RBI at this stage of the season. Philip Scheffer batted for Thompson, but flew out, yet Zeltser doubled in the #9 hole, bringing back the tying run. Ramos hit a gapper, Willie Vega didn’t reach it, and suddenly the tying run was on second base after the 2-run double! J.D. Hamm replaced Hamill, a right-hander against Stalker, who popped out, and then they sent southpaw Jesse Erickson against Jimmy Wallace, who flew out to D’Angelo, stranding Berto for good. Bottom of the inning, Prieto was left over from the seventh and allowed a leadoff walk to West. Garavito replaced him, but the Titans now threw out right-handed pinch-hitters. Ivan Vega reached on a Zeltser error, Luis Leija on an infield single. Three on, no outs, exit Mauricio Garavito, enter Ed Blair, who had his first and sixth pitches, respectively, hit by Sanford and Edgar Gonzalez for RBI singles. Another run scored on a double play grounder. Boston was now a slam away, and yet the tying run came to the plate AGAIN in the ninth inning…!! Rich Vickers hit a leadoff single, Reichardt popped out, and West bobbled away a Fernandez grounder to get Erickson replaced by Jermaine Campbell, who walked Hawkins to fill the bags for Scheffer. The backup catcher rocked a 1-2 pitch to deep left… for a sac fly, 9-6. Zeltser blooped another 1-2 pitch for an RBI single to center. Ramos grounded out on a 3-1 pitch… 9-7 Titans. Vickers (PH) 1-1; M. Fernandez 2-5; Salgado (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Zeltser (PH) 3-3, 2B, RBI;

Bloody hell.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Salgado – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – CF Reichardt – LF M. Fernandez – C Scheffer – P B. Chavez
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – 1B J. Green – 3B E. Gonzalez – C Sanford – CF D’Angelo – P T. Chavez

Divorce proceedings in the complicated case of Chavez v Chavez began with a bang when Philip Scheffer rocked a solo homer to left in the third inning, but pretty soon the other side, represented by the renowned first-rate partnership of Boston, Boston & Rings, introduced new evidence that gave them three on and no outs in the bottom 4th. Willie Vega singled, Mark Walker hit an infield single, and Josh Green walked. Nope! – screamed the Coons’ counsel! You obtained that illegally! Gonzalez popped out. Sanford popped out. D’Angelo slammed a ball to left-center at 1-2, Manny racing after it at breakneck speed, and the judge gaveled the evidence away as inadmissible – Fernandez ran down the drive in the gap, and all three runners were tossed out of court.

Manny made four or five strong shags in left (with Wallace around, the case would have been lost long ago and Bernie sentenced to 15 years on a Phoenician galley…), but we still had to survive testimony of their star witness, and hope our own witness wouldn’t show up drunk to the gills. It remained a close case through seven hours of testimony, with the Critters still a nose length ahead in the 1-0 game in the eighth. With one out and nobody on, Bernie was hit for after 97 pitches of shutout ball, given that the mostly left-handed top of the order was due up in the bottom of the inning. Hawkins and Ramos both flew out to D’Angelo. Hennessy got two outs before hitting Willie Vega in the knee. The judge ruled this an inadmissible move and awarded an injunction at first base to the batter… except that Luis Leija would run for the crippled Vega, who had suffered a knee contusion. Ivan Vega hit for Walker to counter the southpaw, but here came our star witness – Chris Wise had to get four outs for the save. Vega singled, but Wise rung up PH Bobby Beam to end the eighth. It was still 1-0 after the top of the ninth, and the questioning got more intense. A bit too intense. Boston, Boston & Rings pulled all the strings, got Sanford admitted with a 1-out walk, and D’Angelo with a single to center. Reichardt overran the ball for an error, the tying and winning runs reached scoring position, and once PH Roberto Avila beat Manny Fernandez in the gap, the judge’s verdict was announced – the Titans would get all the runs their needed, and the dog, too! 2-1 Titans. B. Chavez 7.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 2 K;

We may need a new closer once I have beaten Chris Wise to within a ****ing inch of his life.

But first we should get a block or two between us and the courthouse. Come here now! Come here, Chris! – LET GO OF THE ****ING LAMP POST!!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – C M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Sabre
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF I. Vega – RF M. Walker – 1B J. Green – 3B E. Gonzalez – C R. Avila – CF D’Angelo – P Willett

Portland piled three on Willett in the first inning, getting their first three batters on with two singles and a walk. Fernandez got a run home with a groundout, and Stalker tripled in a pair for an early 3-0 edge. The first three batter were on again in the top 2nd; Thompson hit a soft single, Sabre’s bunt was thrown away by Willett, and Ramos legged out an infield single. Willett came apart on the hinges, walking in not one, but two runs against Zeltser and Wallace before Zitzner whiffed. Fernandez’ grounder got Berto across, and Stalker rolled out to Josh Green to keep it 6-0. Berto singled Jennings across in the top 3rd to get to 7-0 even, and Willett was still in the game…! Leija would hit for him in the bottom of the inning though.

Sabre in turn was mildly amazing. He allowed two hits early on, but the Titans’ Rhett West doubled off Antonio Gil for the first two outs of their allotment. Afterwards they wouldn’t reach base again until a walk to Roberto Avila in the fifth. Nothing came of that either and we carried our 7-0 lead clean through five. West singled and Ivan Vega walked with two outs in the sixth, followed by Mark Walker grounding out to short. And then Sabre completely shambled the shutout away in the seventh. After two outs, he dropped Zitzner’s feed on Roberto Avila’s grounder to extend the bottom 7th. D’Angelo doubled to center right after that, Fernandez’ throw home as late and the run scored. Sabre threw a wild pitch, then walked Beam to put runner on the corners, and then was unceremoniously yanked. Ain’t no man got patience for that! Garavito replaced him and got Antonio Gil retired on a grounder to short. Prieto put Vega and Walker on base in the eighth, but Green hit into a double play. Despite a 6-run lead, I was expecting the very worst still to occur here… The young righty remained in the game though, with more right-handed bats coming up in the bottom 9th. Edgar Gonzalez grounded out to Stalker. Avila flew out to Fernandez in right. Then we brought in David Fernandez for D’Angelo, because we had seen our share of stupid **** in the last four games. A strikeout salvaged at least this game… 7-1 Coons. Ramos 4-5, RBI; Sabre 6.2 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 3 BB, 1 K, W (3-1);

In other news

May 9 – RIC OF/1B/2B Telma Mntua (.351, 1 HR, 16 RBI) will miss the rest of the season with a ruptured medial collateral ligament.
May 12 – SFW SS Jesus Matos (.296, 7 HR, 28 RBI) has four hits and four RBI from the leadoff spot in a 13-6 over the Stars.
May 12 – The Scorpions trade CL Chris Henry (1-1, 1.53 ERA, 11 SV) to the Stars for two prospects.
May 12 – PIT 2B/SS Jim McKenzie (.311, 4 HR, 15 RBI) will miss six weeks with a forearm strain.
May 13 – RIC 3B/SS Guillermo Obando (.283, 2 HR, 17 RBI) is going to miss six weeks with a strained posterior cruciate ligament.
May 14 – IND SP Jose Lerma (5-2, 3.03 ERA) shuts out the Loggers on six hits in a 5-0 game. He had already shut out the Gold Sox on four hits in another 5-0 win on Monday.

Complaints and stuff

Not the week we wanted. Or deserved. Blowing two 1-0 leads in the ninth inning was … soul-grinding. Having it happen once in Boston was borderline stupid.

Maybe it will get better next week. We will see the Loggers and Aces on the road, starting with four in Milwaukee.

Fun Fact: Alberto Ramos has passed Cookie Carmona for stolen bases in his career with two more sacks taken this week.

Berto’s at 430 now, two ahead of Cookie. They are seventh and eighth overall in ABL history. The next player is a moving target though, since 6th place Alex Torres and his 442 stolen bases are still active. Granted, Torres hasn’t stolen one all year as his body is shaking itself apart at age 36…

Keep in mind that Berto will not even turn 30 years old until December… of 2035.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (21-17) @ Loggers (19-19) – May 15-18, 2034

Something in Milwaukee was dangerous – the Loggers didn’t have much pitching, or a bullpen deserving the “relief” moniker at all, but they ranked second in runs scored in the Continental League, placing over 5.1 runs on opponents’ ledgers every game. There wasn’t really any one thing they did particularly well, except hitting for average, and the Raccoons were also hitting for average but scored nowhere near as many runs… We were under 4.6 runs per game coming in. This was the first Loggers encounter of 2034; we had taken the season series in 10-8 fashion last season.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (4-0, 2.54 ERA) vs. Felipe Delgado (2-3, 3.61 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (3-3, 3.98 ERA) vs. Josh Long (2-5, 4.04 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (4-2, 3.64 ERA) vs. Mel Lira (1-1, 5.47 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-1, 1.77 ERA) vs. Alfredo Casique (6-1, 4.05 ERA)

Delgado would both be the only southpaw to come up and also pitch on short rest. The rest of the rotation would take their turn on regular rest.

I wonder whether Bernie wonders what he’s doing wrong…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Salgado – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P del Rio
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS W. Morris – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – 2B McWhirter – C J. Young – CF Wheeler – P F. Delgado

The Raccoons drew all of six pitches from Delgado in their half of the opening frame, which was just barely more pitches than the Loggers would score runs off the heretofore undefeated del Rio. Danny Valenzuela reached on a Tim Stalker error, and the game went into the toilet without much hesitation as Wayne Morris singled before del Rio threw NINE straight balls to Jeremy Leftwich, Josh Conner, and Steve Wilson, resulting in two walks and a run before Wilson hit a 2-run single on the 1-0 pitch. Bill McWhirter and Jim Young also hit singles, running the tally to 5-0 before Mike Wheeler hit into a double play and Felipe Delgado made the third out, and it’s never good when you have to name-check all the opposing players in the first three sentences of a game report. And because baseball was a cruel whore that knew no friends nor how to love anybody, del Rio would then string up five scoreless innings after being thoroughly drummed, but his own team had already given up on the game. The Raccoons ticked the odd single here or there, but did nothing of lasting value throughout del Rio’s time on the mound.

I marked an “L” in my pocket calendar during the seventh inning stretch. David Fernandez retired Milwaukee in order in the following half-inning before Delgado strutted back out for the eighth. After Stalker grounded out, Jimmy Wallace reached on an infield single, the Raccoons’ fifth hit in the game. Zitzner reached on Delgado’s own error, and Salgado hit a ball in the gap for an RBI double. Reichardt scored two with a double up the rightfield line, and suddenly it was a baseball game again. Delgado lost Hawkins on balls as the Loggers’ pen scrambled to get from casual after-game-dinner dress back into their uniforms. It was too late – Philip Scheffer hit a ball to the warning track that bounced high against the ball and over Valenzuela, who had to chase it back towards the infield for long enough to allow Scheffer to slide into third base with a game-tying 2-run triple …! Rich Vickers had pinch-hit the last time through and was still around, knocking an RBI single to give the Coons a lead!? Expecting a loss, Alberto Ramos had been removed for conservation purposes; Manny Fernandez hit in his spot and singled, but the inning fizzled out without further runs as Stalker and Wallace both grounded out. Josh Conner’s single off Garavito and McWhirter’s double off Blair would tie the game in the bottom 8th, and the Coons left the bags loaded against always-struggling former Critter Dan McLin in the ninth; three were on with one out, but Scheffer struck out and Vickers popped out to throw the chance away. The game would head to extras where the Raccoons would not amount to anything either, but Antonio Prieto leaked a single to Leftwich, who stole second base barely contested, and then came around on a walkoff single by Omar Huerta in the #5 hole. 7-6 Loggers. M. Fernandez (PH) 1-2; Zitzner 2-6; Salgado 3-5, 2B, RBI; Zeltser (PH) 1-1;

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – C M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Okrasinski
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS W. Morris – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – 2B McWhirter – C J. Young – CF Wheeler – P Long

Portland scored three in the opening frame with Ramos and Zeltser singles, Wallace’s sac fly, then base hits by Zitzner and Fernandez, who scored Zeltser, and finally a Stalker sac fly. Billy Jennings would reach on a fifth single, but Elliott Thompson made the final out. The 2-3-4 batters would load the bags with two outs the following inning, but Fernandez grounded out then, while Okrasinski retired the first eight Loggers with 2 K before Josh Long singled to center, which was something that kept happening to these Raccoons… opposing pitchers had to bat something like .387 against them, but I was afraid of doing the actual math. It was however something that could reasonably be entrusted to Cristiano Carmona back home in Portland, and do tell me the actual number only if it confirmed my paranoia. In this particular event, Danny Valenzuela followed up with another single, but Morris struck out to end the bottom 3rd.

The Raccoons seemed to be committed to reach base no sooner than with two outs going forwards. Zeltser and Wallace again reached base in the fourth, but Zitzner grounded out to strand them. In the bottom of that inning, a 1-out walk drawn by Conner, who broke up a double play on Wilson’s grounder, and then the 2-out RBI double by McWhirter got Milwaukee on the board before Jim Young popped out. Portland returned to the bases with two outs in the sixth, courtesy of a Ramos bloop single… and Wilson’s botched fielding attempt that got Berto to second base, and then around when Bob Zeltser singled, 4-1. Wallace reached base, and Zitzner whiffed, giving the stick back to the Loggers. Manny Fernandez hit a leadoff double in the seventh for a change, cutting Long’s day short, but was nevertheless stranded by the following poor outs. Wilson (single) and McWhirter (walk) reached base in the bottom 7th. With nobody out, the pen got stirring for Portland, but Okrasinski got a pop from Young, after which the runners pulled off a double steal. Wheeler flew out to Wallace, Wilson went for home plate – and was thrown out. Okrasinski was then batted for with seven complete and fine innings under his belt, after which Hennessy in the eight hand Wise in the ninth did completely decent jobs as well, keeping the Loggers to five base hits in total. 4-1 Coons. Ramos 2-5; Zeltser 4-5, 2B, RBI; Wallace 2-3, BB, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, BB; M. Fernandez 2-5, 2 2B, RBI; Okrasinski 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (4-3);

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Vickers – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Rendon
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS W. Morris – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – 2B McWhirter – C J. Young – LF D.J. Mendez – CF K. Farmer – P Lira

Lira was not quite in the zone to begin this game; he issued a walk to Ramos, nailed Zeltser, looked in awe as the runners pulled off a double steal, saw one run score on Wallace’s groundout, then walked Zitzner. Fernandez popped out in a case of lack of patience, but Rich Vickers got an RBI single through Conner to make it 2-0 before Reichardt grounded out to end the top 1st. Not that it didn’t get worse for Lira in the second, and all with two outs, even after a frustrating start to the frame with Thompson popping a 3-2 pitch foul and conveniently playable for Conner, who dropped the ball anyway. Thompson however struck out on the next pitch to maintain his season-long lack of momentum, now batting .172 and sinking. With two outs though, the Coons stirred. Ramos reached, Zeltser reached, Wallace hit an RBI single, and Zeltser hit a bomb for three, extending the score to 6-0. Lira would be stuck with eight runs in 3.1 innings eventually, conceding a Ramos single in the fourth after Rendon had reached on a Conner error. Berto stole second, taking off the double play that Zeltser then would have hit into. In the new situation with runners on second and third, his 6-3 out at least got him an RBI. It was the last one logged by Lira, who was replaced by right-hander Rafael Zacarias, whose first pitch was hit well into Canada by Jimmy Wallace to get the tally to 9-0. Zacarias was strafed for another two runs in the fifth, with Rendon hitting a 1-out RBI double. Ramos popped out, but Zeltser snuck in a 2-out RBI single, scoring Thompson.

Through five, the Loggers scored nothing off Rendon, who did perfectly well despite having a Logger in scoring position in every inning but the fourth, in which he struck out the 5-6-7 batters in order. Rendon seemed to come unglued in he bottom 6th, issuing 2-out walks to both McWhirter and Young, but then rung up D.J. Mendez to end the inning; the errant spell however took off any chance for a shutout as he got almost up to 90 pitches and did not have the best stamina to begin with. He hit for himself one more time as the 7-8-9 batters were retired in order in the top 7th, then came back out to pitch, but was clearly on his last fumes. Kymani Farmer hit a leadoff single, Rendon coughed up two more outs, then blood, and was replaced after 104 pitches in shutout fashion. Well… at least until both Morris and Leftwich got hold of Victor Anaya pitches and rocked two base hits and two RBI on the latter knock, a double into the corner. Reliever Rob Clack *nailed* Ramos to begin the eighth, and while Berto was not acutely injured he was removed from the game after Zeltser double-played him away. Wallace and Fernandez were also replaced in the 11-2 game. Soon enough it was 11-3 on McWhirter’s jack off Anaya to begin the bottom 8th. Hennessy and Prieto cleaned up after that, with Adrian Reichardt doubling in Zitzner off Mike Cockcroft in the ninth to restore the Coons to their 9-run lead. 12-3 Raccoons! Ramos 1-2, 2 BB; Zeltser 2-4, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5, HR, 4 RBI; Zitzner 2-4, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Reichardt 2-5, 2B, RBI; Rendon 6.2 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 4 BB, 7 K, W (5-2) and 1-4, 2B, RBI;

With this rout we had a better run differential (+44) than the Titans (+35), but we were still three games behind.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Scheffer – P Chavez
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS W. Morris – 1B Leftwich – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – 2B McWhirter – C J. Young – CF Wheeler – P Casique

Bernie Chavez arrived with a sub-2 ERA and the Loggers spanked him to the other side of the two within seconds. Morris doubled, Leftwich singled him in, and Conner hit a shot to left, all in the first inning, to make it 3-0 Loggers. So that’s how Casique got six wins with a meh ERA…! The Raccoons didn’t even get a base hit until the fourth when Zeltser opened with a single to left. Wallace walked, bringing up the tying run in what was still a 3-0 game despite several deep flies hit off Chavez after the Conner knell. Travis Zitzner however went straight for the double play and Manny Fernandez hit a comebacker, blowing the chance. Tim Stalker hit a leadoff double in the fifth, and nothing came of that either with a Jennings grounder and two whiffs all to be found at the bottom of the lineup.

From the start I hadn’t liked the pitching matchup. Casique clearly had something going for himself, and probably it was black devil magic or worse. The Raccoons didn’t scratch a lick for Chavez, who only saw them cobble three hits together while he was in the game, which lasted until Hawkins batted for him ineffectively in the eighth. After that, Ramos and Zeltser knocked a pair of 2-out singles, bringing up Jimmy Wallace as the tying run. The count fell to 2-2, I closed my eyes, sighed, but the crowd groaned following a bat-on-ball sound. I opened my eyes, and just caught the last split second of the ball, mortally wounded, escaping over the fence in rightfield – we had a tied game!! Zitzner popped out, ending the inning, Bernie had no win, but at least no loss, either. No Raccoon would get a win – thanks to Mauricio Garavito serving up a pinch-hit homer to Omar Huerta right away in the bottom of the eighth. 4-3 Loggers. Zeltser 2-4; Wallace 1-2, 2 BB, HR, 3 RBI;

Man, this team knows how to suck the air out of a successful rally…

Next up was the worst team not only in baseball; I wasn’t sure the Aces were adept at anything…

Raccoons (23-19) @ Aces (11-31) – May 19-21, 2034

Last in the South, last in any sort of pitching, and middling with their offense. But the key was indeed the pitching staff. The Aces’ starters were not only the worst in the league, they had a friggin’ 5.72 ERA as a group and the team’s run differential had already ballooned to -78. And yet somehow I saw the Critters come in here and lose two… This didn’t come out of the blue – the Aces had been goddamn awful for a while, but we still had dropped the season series the last two years, 4-5 each time.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (3-1, 3.40 ERA) vs. Peter Gill (1-3, 4.14 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (4-0, 2.94 ERA) vs. Jesse Wright (2-5, 5.20 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (4-3, 3.60 ERA) vs. Chris Pyles (1-4, 7.93 ERA)

“Graveyard” Gill was their only southpaw. Gill had looked like a candidate for “new thing” in ’28 when he posted a 13-11 mark with a 2.82 ERA in his first full season in the Thunder rotation despite some flashing red lights like that 4.5 BB/9 mark. Then came a torn triceps in ’29, a torn-up knee in ’30 and years in swingman hell in Oklahoma and Sacramento. Up until now, this was his only season in which he had not made a relief appearance, and right now he was also the unanointed ace of staff in Vegas. Never mind that he walked more than he whiffed and that it wasn’t close.

Coons needed three wins. No discussion. (Manny Fernandez opens his little snout to bicker) No discussions, or I’ll staple your jaws together! Three wins! (sternly points them in the direction of the field)

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Salgado – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P Sabre
LVA: LF Salto – 2B Sibley – CF Stedham – 1B Gustafson – RF E. Martin – C Kennett – 3B Carman – SS Crow – P Gill

The first four Critters all reached base … three of them were left on. Berto Ramos led off with a single, stole second, his 16th base of the season just after the first quarter post of the season, came around on a Stalker single, and after Wallace and Zitzner joined him aboard, the next three batters insisted on collectively popping out. Bring on Sabre, the Aces snapped him for three base hits in their first three batters, Graciano Salto, Ross Sibley, Jesse Stedham, and also scored a run. Sabre rung up Sean Gustafson and Evan Martin, then got Elliott Kennett to pop out. Vince Carman and Andy Crow hit leadoff singles in the bottom 2nd and a Salto sac fly made it 2-1 Vegas in that inning… The Aces would keep molesting Sabre and ran him up to 71 pitches in four innings, which included stranding a whole set in the fourth when Stedham popped out, ironically on the first pitch. Sabre was bad to terrible, couldn’t get strike three a bazillion times, and allowed seven hits and a walk through four innings. And where was the offense?

It took them until the fifth to reach scoring position again with Zitzner and Salgado hitting singles with one out. Reichardt whiffed, Hawkins popped out, and nobody scored. …well, except for Evan Martin, who with Vince Carman batting scored on a throwing error by Tom ****ing Hawkins with two outs in the bottom 5th. Facing a ****ty team, the Raccoons insisted on doing the ****tiest things; three runs were scored against Victor Anaya in the seventh, two of them earned. Salgado dropped a simple fly by THE ****ING PITCHER with two outs to wave Andy Crow around after the Aces had already kicked two earned runs into the Raccoons’ goddamn right-hander’s kisser. “Graveyard” Gill pitched a complete game on 120 pitches, allowing only four more base runners after the four he allowed to begin the game. 6-1 Aces.

Sabre was the best Critter at the plate, collecting two base hits! And – fun fact – any random position player plucked from the bench would have been a better pitcher than him, too!!

I’m so angry, I could bite a ****ing cactus!!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – RF Jennings – P del Rio
LVA: LF Salto – 2B Sibley – CF Stedham – 1B Gustafson – RF E. Martin – 3B Armfield – C Kennett – SS Crow – P J. Wright

Oh well, let’s try the undefeated guy that already got his black-and-white face recolored all-white when a team rubbed his numb skull into a chalkline this very week. It worked to the tune of a Chad Armfield RBI single plating Sean Gustafson in the second while all the Raccoons amounted to in the early innings was a Tim Stalker single. We didn’t reach scoring position until the fourth with leadoff singles by Zeltser and Wallace. That was the seed for a score-flipping inning, even if that required extensive cooperation by the .279 home team. Zitzner grounded out in 1-3 fashion, with Wright looking at second base, but then deciding against trying for two or even Wallace’s sluggish bum. That cost him after a Fernandez sac fly that moved Wallace to third, from which he scored when Ross Sibley took Stalker’s grounder and tried to breed it into a beautiful young baby bird. That didn’t work; Scheffer grounded out to end the inning with a 2-1 lead. Martin and Armfield hit 2-out singles in the bottom 4th, but Kennett flew out to Jennings to keep those aboard.

While del Rio couldn’t get a clean inning for the life of his – Ramos misfired a Salto grounder with two outs in the fifth f.e. to put an Ace on base anyway – the Raccoons seemed intent on causing the much-battered Jesse Wright as little discomfort as possible, popping out three times in the sixth without reaching base, a noble proposition in some walks of life, for example if you earned your livelihood in a nunnery. And while we’re on it, maybe draw a ****ing walk from time to time!! Fernandez poked at a 3-1 pitch to begin the seventh, Wright swiped and deflected the ball into the hole between Sibley and Gustafson, and Fernandez had a single when the ball otherwise would probably have gone right into Sibley’s mitten. Stalker grounded out, Scheffer popped out, Jennings flew out.

Del Rio threw 101 pitches through seven and did his side of the deal well enough, maintaining the 2-1 lead on a 4-hitter, which was as much knocking as the Raccoons had done against Wright, who was far from undefeated on the season. Adrian Reichardt batted for del Rio in another sad-sack 1-2-3 inning in the eighth after which the game tried to take a serious left turn with David Fernandez on the mound. Salto singled with one out, and he walked Sibley on four pitches. With Vince Carman hitting for Stedham, Ed Blair got involved, ran a full count, and I was having all the worst flashforwards imaginable, but didn’t saw what actually happened on the field, a grounder to second that Stalker and Ramos turned for two, ending the inning. Top 9th, Steve Bailey rung up Wallace and Zitzner before Manny hit a meek single. Tim Stalker swatted away at the first pitch – and it was over the fence for a 2-run homer! Bailey then failed the bases full against the bottom of the order before a hitless Ramos flew out to Salto in left. Chris Wise and his ERA over five insisted on putting runners on the corners with base hits for Gustafson and Armfield before Elliott Kennett nixed his evil plans and hit into a double play, 5-4-3, to make the Raccoons winners. 4-1 Blighters. M. Fernandez 2-3, RBI; Stalker 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 8 K, W (5-0);

Alright, damage control. Can we PLEASE dismember that guy with the ERA near EIGHT?? Okrasinski – last time was dandy, but today we need better! I don’t trust the eight stooges, who will make Pyles look like the next Jonny Toner.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Okrasinski
LVA: LF Salto – 2B Sibley – CF Stedham – 1B Gustafson – RF E. Martin – 3B Armfield – C Kennett – SS Crow – P Pyles

A Ramos Special in the first inning involved a shy dinker behind Sibley, his 17th stolen base, then two productive outs by Zeltser and Wallace to go up 1-0. The Raccoons however would not draw a walk against Pyles, who walked close to eight batters per nine innings on his quest to have an ERA near infinity AND qualify for the ERA title, until the fourth inning when Zitzner pyled up four balls… and then was double-played away by Manny Fernandez. At least Okrasinski kept the Aces short, but the Vegans were nevertheless out-hitting Portland, 3-2 after four innings. Stalker drew a leadoff walk in the fifth… and nothing could happened after that.

Bottom 5th, Kennett with a leadoff single, then four balls to Andy Crow. Pyles bunted them into scoring position, and Okrasinski lost Salto in a full count, loading the bases anyway. Sibley came, saw, and struck out, bringing up Stedham, batting no less than .344 with four homers. He hit it near the line in left, which had the potential to be worse than a homer given that Jimmy Wallace was camping out there in his lawn chair, but somehow the not-so-agile outfielder made it over there to register the third out of the inning, stranding a full set of Aces. Top 6th, Berto led off with a triple – the third hit for Portland against the routine pushover Pyles – and scored when Pyles and Gustafson fell all over each other in pursuit of Bob Zeltser’s roller that became an infield RBI single and extended the lead to a raging 2-0! Wallace even walked… and then Zitzner hit a double play grounder and Stedham robbed Fernandez in deep center to strand Zeltser at third base. It was the most infuriating of games once again, and this was with the Raccoons LEADING.

While Okrasinski slowly grinded his way through the Aces, getting around a pinch-hit double by Vince Carman in the seventh, the Raccoons’ offense suddenly saw daylight by the eighth… even if only because Carman had batted for Pyles, who had issued another leadoff walk to Stalker in the seventh, but had not been punished for that one either… Southpaw Casey McQueen was out for the top of the eighth, sporting a flat-6 ERA and more walks than strikeouts. Even then, the inning started with outs by Ramos and Hawkins before Salgado and Zitzner hit two singles. Manny Fernandez popped out and it was all really just the same as before. Or worse – Okrasinski fell to a leadoff walk issued to Sibley, an absolutely atrocious ****ty bloop single by Stedham that sent the runner to third base, and then Gustafson’s run-scoring double play grounder. Hennessy replaced him, allowed a double to Evan Martin, then made way for Blair, who could not put away Armfield in a 1-2 count, but at least stopped his sharp comebacker before it could strike him in the throat AND played it to Zitzner for the third out. Bra-vo! McQueen remained around for the ninth inning, walked Reichardt with one out and Scheffer in the #9 hole with two, and then Berto slapped a grounder past Chad Armfield for an RBI single and a dire needed insurance run given that Chris Wise had yet to **** up a save this week. Wise faced the bottom of the order, had Kennett at 2-2, then nailed him. So THAT’S how you got to five losses in under 20 games! Crow struck out, and was followed by PH Adam Horner, who grounded towards second base. Ramos raced over, reached while diving and wrist-flicked the ball with the edge of his glove over to Stalker, who somehow maintained control over the leather, avoided the barreling Kennett, and threw to first to complete the double play. 3-1 Blighters. Ramos 3-5, 3B, RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1; Stalker 1-2, 2 BB; Okrasinski 7.2 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, W (5-3);

In other news

May 15 – ATL SP Chris Inderrieden (5-4, 3.02 ERA) throws a 1-hitter against the Condors, with the Knights winning 6-0. TIJ 3B Shane Sanks (.317, 13 HR, 34 RBI) hits a fifth-inning single for the only Condors base hit in the game.
May 15 – SAL INF/RF Jose Castro (.354, 3 HR, 16 RBI) hs hit safely in 20 games after a ninth-inning base knock in a 3-0 Wolves loss to the Gold Sox.
May 16 – The Scorpions trade SP Jesus Rodarte (2-3, 4.91 ERA) to the Bayhawks for two prospects including #29 LF Joreao Porfirio.
May 16 – The Miners lose to the Buffaloes, 2-1 in 11 innings, on a walkoff double hit by TOP C/1B Jeremiah Brooks (.427, 2 HR, 14 RBI), who despite coming off the bench collects more hits (two) than the Miners in total in those 11 innings. After a second-inning leadoff double by outfielder Yvon Bonaccorsi (.250, 5 HR, 18 RBI) the Miners fell silent.
May 20 – The Knights dismember the Crusaders to the tune of 17 runs in a 21-4 scorefest in New York that somehow fails to please the crowd. Every batter in the Knights’ lineup has at least one hit and they score in all but two innings. ATL LF/RF/1B Rich Parker (.267, 1 HR, 13 RBI) has a team-leading four hits and four RBI from the seven hole.
May 21 – The hitting streak of SAL INF/RF Jose Castro (.362, 5 HR, 19 RBI) ends at 24 games after a dry performance in a 3-1 Wolves win over the Cyclones.

Complaints and stuff

Berto ties for the stolen base lead in all of the ABL with 17 (out of 21 attempts), level with LAP Oscar Mendoza. In the Continental League, his lead over Lorenzo Celaya and others is four. How Berto’s on top can be reasonably explained; how Pat Okrasinski leads the Critters in wins is not something easily dissected… More on him at the bottom.

However, if Raffaello Sabre is your worst starter and has a 3.42 ERA and 1.40 WHIP … life isn’t inherently terrible. And I look at the Titans and think they’re not unavoidable. They are not a given. They can be toppled! They have a rock-hard rotation and a strong pen, but their lineup is parts old, parts weak, and parts on the DL. They have four guys on the DL right now, including both Opening Day catchers. They’re down to some Nicaraguan guy I’ve never heard of. Watch out for him, Tony Martinez of Ocotal, who will hit six homers and drive in 18 runs the next time we face Boston. And throw out Berto seven times.

At least in theory. We won’t see the Titans until late June, and by then they should have both their catchers back. In the here and now, we’re gonna transit to Oklahoma City after a day off in Vegas, then play three at home with the Baybirds, our second and final home series of the month. It will be a wicked Atlanta-Vancouver road trip the weak after that, so if nothing else *I*’m gonna get back to Portland late on the 31st…

This week we promoted 2032 July IFA period signing and #5 prospect in all of the ABL Jesus Maldonado to Ham Lake. He had batted .273/.392/.417 in Aumsville, a marked improvement over his 2033 campaign there that had seen a very rocky start before getting stronger towards the end.

In a second move, amazingly unranked catching prospect Tony Morales was moved from Ham Lake up to St. Petersburg. He had hit .301/.341/.496 with the Panthers where he had been assigned to last June. Both of these players have turned 20 years old in the last two months. Both were July IFA signings; Morales was inked in 2030 for $95k.

Not going to foreshadow anything, but the meteoric rise of Tony Morales might spell trouble for the previously anointed “catcher of the franchise”, Elliott Thompson… you may have noticed a certain surge in lineup assignments for Philip Scheffer, who was a *clear* numero dos to begin the season….. Granted, Thompson is still said to be an excellent defensive catcher (not that I am seeing it), so there is always that numero dos job for him to fall back upon…

Other guys to be aware of in AAA? Ed Hooge is batting .296 but it has never transitioned to the Bigs for him. Justin Marsingill hits .328, which makes him a candidate to switch back with Rich Vickers, who can’t even crack the lineup against left-handed pitchers. That Japanese guy we signed to a penny deal? Chiyosaku Maruyama is batting .221 with seven homers, which makes him at least worth keeping the lazy eye on.

Pitchers? Darren Brown’s ERA is 2.29, and Jonathan Dykstra is at 2.44. Los Dos Carlosos – Contreras and de la Cruz – have both started and relieved some, and both have ERA’s better than Brown… there has never been a worse time to be a promising stating pitching prospect on the Alley Cats.

Fun Fact: Pat Okrasinski has yet to allow exactly two earned runs in a start this season.

And he’s been charged with three only once, which is weird, if you think of it. Two or three runs is really an average-to-decent-or-good starter’s bread and butter.

Okra’s been out nine times and has two 5-spots, one 4, and that lone 3. He also allowed one run four times, and no runs once, which was in his second outing of the season, sandwiched between the 5’s.

He has also yet to post a game score vaguely near 50. The closest he’s come from either side is a 60 in his April 30 win over the damn Elks; that was three runs in seven innings. He’s weird; on one paw he is utterly consistent in f.e. strikeouts, having three games each with three or four strikeouts, and only one each of two, five, and six. On the other hand, when he loses, he LOSES, and when he wins, he’s usually quite the sight! There’s no middle ground for him in that regard.