The Washington "Enforcers"

[oriolesmeep]

After my failed dynasty thread using all goalies, I've decided to run something more straightforward, likely easier to accomplish, without completely destroying my file.

A team of all enforcers.

Yes. Nicholas "Fight Club" Falconer has taken over the Washington Capitals, preaching a message that if you beat your opponents to a pulp, then the goals won't be an issue.

Again, a few rules:

1. No player that is not an enforcer may be contracted to my team (save for 2 goalies - more on that later.)

2. The 2 goalies are completely maxed out in their game ratings, just to give us a fighting chance.

3. Contracts may be edited to push me over the salary floor.

4. Injuries are on. If necessary, I will sign new goalies to fill in for injuries.

5. Cannot be fired is on. For obvious reasons.

6. When drafting players, once again only enforcers can be drafted. So when I have the inevitable first overall pick, it's not Auston Matthews.

7. I will watch all my games, and post updates for each one.

8. When my goalies decline/retire, they will be replaced by new maxed-out goalies.

Let's see how bad this gets...




Ovechkin our best player? What sort of ranking is this? We all know it's Tom Wilson. Who's this Ovi freak?

[oriolesmeep]

After a flurry of trades, Nicholas "Fight Club" Falconer finally has his dream team set up:



Execs around the league are skeptical of Falconer's master plan. Falconer, when asked for comment, replied "Watch and learn."

Early predictions have an 0-82 season coming their way.

Chris Neal is our captain, with Jared Boll and Cody McLeod as assistants.

[oriolesmeep]

First pre-season game:
Our first game is at the St. Louis Blues. Starting in net for us will be Braden Holtby, against Brian Elliot for the Blues.

At the 1:30 mark in the first period, Tanner Glass is called for hooking, our first penalty of undoubtedly many many more. However, it soon becomes a 4-on-4, as Alexander Steen is called for tripping a mere 20 seconds later.

On the 4-on-4, it happens. The Caps score a goal.

Yes, you read that right.

The Caps score a goal. A giveaway by Robert Bortuzzo in the Blues' zone hops right to Derek Dorsett's stick. He dishes it off to Jaynen Rissling, who fires a shot on Elliot that Elliot just whiffs on. 1-0 Caps. And Falconer is standing behind the bench with a big ol' grin on his face.

The lead didn't last long.

John Scott, after collecting a dump in, failed to clear the zone. Steve Ott gathered it in, passing it along to Paul Stastny in the slot. , shoots it, Vladimir Tarasenko tips it, and it's 1-1, 4:51 into the game.

Our first fight comes between Cody McLeod and Ryan Reaves at the 9:22 mark, and ends in a draw. They both take a seat for 5 minutes.

At the 10:54 mark, the Blues' Jay Bouwmeester is called for hooking, and also gets a misconduct penalty.

At the 13:33 mark, lightning strikes twice. Zac Rinaldo wins the faceoff, kicks it to Scott, who sends it to Tom Wilson in the slot. He blasts one, and it's in, and the Caps have 2 goals on only 4 shots. 2-1 Caps.

Once again, the lead doesn't last long. Tanner Glass picks up his second penalty in the period, this time for cross-checking, at the 15:33 minute mark. Off the faceoff, the Blues win, and the puck finds it's way to Stastny in the circle. A blast from there and Holtby has no chance. 2-2.

At the end of period 1, the shots are 12-5 in the Blues' favor. Thanks to the misconduct penalty, however, the Blues also have the most penalty minutes, 19-11. Predictably, the Caps lead in hits, but somewhat surprisingly, also lead in faceoffs won, 15-10.

Shortly after the beginning of the 2nd period, Dylan McIlrath is called for holding, but again, just a minute later, the Blues earn their own penalty. David Backes is called for tripping, and once again it's a misconduct. The Blues have 31 PIM, and we're not even halfway through the 2nd. Nothing comes from the penalties, and soon enough we're back to 5-on-5 play.

The rest of the 2nd period passes by uneventfully, mostly due to the great play by Holtby and the vast inferiority of every other player on my squad. The shots favor the Blues 25-10, though we've maintained our lead in faceoffs, now 26-18. Penalty minutes, oddly enough, greatly favor the Blues, mostly thanks to the two misconducts. The third period will start off with a 14 second 4-on-4, followed by a 40 second Blues power play.

The 3rd period starts off much as the 2nd period ended, with great play by Holtby, and the rest of the Caps barely touching the puck.

The 3rd period continues, quite similar to the 2nd. 11:58 into the 3rd, the Caps finally get a shot on goal, courtesy of Mark Boorowiecki. It's pretty significant, and earns a sarcastic cheer from the Blues-dominated crowd, as it's our first shot in almost 15 minutes of play. Elliot turns it away, and play continues, still tied 2-2.

Period 3 ends still tied, 2-2, only through some stellar play by Holtby. The shots favor St. Louis 47-13 (see why I needed a literal god to play goalie?) and faceoff wins have narrowed off to a near even 31-28 Caps. The hits also favor us, 23-18. The shocking thing, however, is that absolutely no penalties were assessed during the 3rd period.
Yes, you read that right.

No penalties. Nada. Zero. None.

And what better way to start off my all-enforcers team by seeing how they skate in 3-on-3 overtime?

This shouldn't turn out badly at all.

Actually, it turns out quite well, as we don't allow a shot all period. That is mainly due to sloppy play by St. Louis and not great play by our big, physical brutes, but we'll take it. Actually, the only shot in OT was a blast by Rinaldo off the faceoff, which was easily saved.

And that means we go to the shootout.

Tarasenko shoots first, and he beats Holtby for a goal. Not how we wanted to start off.

Dorsett takes it for us, and Elliot makes an easy save.

Alexander Steen has his attempt turned away by Holtby, and now it's Tom Wilson's turn.

Elliot makes "an incredible save." Shootout favors the Blues 1-0.

Stastny misses.

The shootout comes down to Chris Neil.

He dangles (I can only imagine how that looks), and shoots.

Elliot takes it off the mask.

Blues win.

[oriolesmeep]

Note - I'm still fairly new to hockey terminology, so if I used a term wrong, I apologize.

[BlackIce]

Ha! awesome stuff =)