Strangeverse

[pauwoo]

Brooklyn Citizens (28-34, .452, 5th NL East) @ Miami United (33-32, .508, 4th NL East)
We’ll start our 14-game homestand against a club we should beat – handily. We’re already 6-3 against them, including a road sweep where we beat them on aggregate by a score of 23-6. They don’t hit for average (12th), rarely get on base (10th), leak like a sieve (10th in RA), and their bullpen would have trouble with a Tee-Ball team (10th in bullpen ERA). And, after sweeping Montreal in front of their persnickety French-speaking fans, welcoming Brooklyn to town feels like the type of good fortune that keeps bingo halls afloat. It should be noted, however, that their pitching has started to turn the corner a bit since our last meeting – well, maybe not turning the corner, exactly, but they are approaching it at least and have passed the ‘dangerous curves ahead’ sign – so, it’s in the mail. Merl, Cam, Krebs – they’re each better than what they’ve shown so far, so something’s got to give in that department.

Note: We’ve traded Masaharu Watanabe (good eye, no power) + a ho-hum prospect to Dallas for RF Mark Gibbons (good power, no eye) + ho-hum prospect. We’re dead last in home runs… had to be done. By this time next month, I expect us to be in 11th.

We’ll get our first look at Yan’s acquisition when Thomas Deane takes the mound for us in the 1st game of our set against Brooklyn…

66 of 162: Hunter Larson (0-4, 5.65) @ Thomas Deane (5-2, 3.34)
Win, 7-6. Welp, our first look at Deane made me want to scratch my eyes out – he lasted a scant 3.1 innings and gave up 6 runs… Our other recent, as in yesterday, acquisition – Mark Gibbons – filled out the United kit nicely in his debut… 2 for 3, with a double, 2 RBIs, and a run for the newcomer. Early and Rex both drove in two, we got 4, 2-out RBIs, stole 3 bags (Felger, Anaconda, and Magee), and won the game despite committing 4 fielding flubs. We did the new guy no favors here…

Elsewhere: Don’t look now, but, Golden State, currently sitting on a 43-22 record, have gone 4-6 over their last 10 games, including a sweep at the hands of the 76ers while in Philadelphia. Let the chants of, “over – RATED, OVER – rated”, rain down on me!

67 of 162: Matthew Krebs (7-3, 4.63) @ Jimmy Garcia (0-1, 5.52)
Win, 9-6. Garcia pitched well enough over 6 innings, Harvey Allen picked up his 8th save, and Magee Ives went 3 for 3 with a 2-run homer, 2 runs and a walk. 2 doubles, 2 homers, four 2-out RBIs, and 2 stolen bags for the club. We’ve now extended our winning streak to five games – this feels like it’s our longest streak, but I can’t be bothered to look it up… that would only serve to betray the tact I’ve taken during this streak – you have to play the part of the guy you want to be, so, I’m acting like this is the way things are supposed to go for us in Miami like this is all by design, and like I’m not in the least bit surprised. Come by the Twin Palms Bar & Laundromat after the game, buy me a double, and I’ll tell you the real story – the one that starts off with me saying, “I know it, man, I mean WTF? Over”.

Elsewhere: Watanabe went 3 for 6 with a run and an RBI for Dallas during their recent 8-4 win over the Golden State Warriors – he seems to be fitting in splendidly… they won it on a Luis Cavalos, GRAND SLAM WALK OFF, in the bottom of the 12th. Also, Barbados beat the Winnipeg Jets by a score of 5-1 to improve to 8-5 on the season, SP T-Rex Stiles picked up his second win in the victory. He went 8 innings, allowed 8 hits, 1 earned run, and K’d 8 batsmen. Good stuff from the short-armed fire-baller.

68 of 162: Dylan Tuyay (5-6, 4.91) @ Mirko Samsonenko (4-8, 3.87)
Win, 9-6. Back-to-back sweeps in real-time and back-to-back sweeps over Brooklyn in head-to-head matchups… the stars have obviously aligned, lotto tickets have been purchased, and bets have been laid on us making the playoffs and then sweeping our way through them to claim a championship in our first full season in Miami… Magee, the anti-citizen, went 1 for 3 with that one being a 3-run DING DONG, Oli Woodward went 3 for 3 with 2 runs, and Mirko picked up his 5th win despite getting his tiddies liddy over 5.1 innings of work. 5 doubles, 2 homers, 23 total bases, and 3, 2-out RBIs for the club here. This set has been a rollicking good time – for sure – and the team has a little pep in their step, they’re starting to feel like a unit, designed for success, and destined for an above-average finish that should exceed Elvira’s wildest dreams… well, maybe not her wildest dreams, she told me about one where a tiger ate her ex-husband… that was wild, vivid, and, if I’m honest, a little too detailed. I’d like to say that winning 6-straight means that I no longer fear running into her in the clubhouse, but, well, that’s not true – chick scares me, man, I think she might be into witchcraft.

Elsewhere: Havana defeated the Salem Silverbacks by a score of 5-1, in Salem, and now find themselves in the midst of a 7-game winning streak… Even after 6 straight victories, we are still lodged in 4th on the NL East table – the wrinkle, however, is that really, we are, basically, tied for 3rd with the St. Louis Rams who will be joining us in Miami tomorrow to kick off a four-game parlay. They’re a great club, man, and one who, unlike us, have not had the most favorable schedule. Our form is as good or better than it’s ever been here in Miami, that much is true, but St. Louis is formidable, they worry me, and young ballplayers confidence can be a fragile thing.

[pauwoo]

St. Louis Rams (35-31, .530, 3rd NL East) @ Miami United (36-32, .529, 4th NL East)
Cheech and I, as we often do prior to home sets, met at the Twin Palms Bar & Laundromat to go over his carefully constructed scouting report on the St. Louis Rams. 6-pages of statistics, splits, spray charts, and managerial trends parsed out by the likeliest of in-game scenarios. Cheech is nothing if not thorough. I finished off my shellfish stuffed croquette and took a pull off of my Yuengling, before offering my thought back… “so, they’re pretty much a slightly better version of us”? The answer was… kind of. St. Louis isn’t just a better version of us – they are just better than us in general but find themselves playing in our end of the pool due to a tough schedule and the underperformance of several key players. And, even with that being said, they are still rated above us in most statistical categories that matter and a few of those that the pre-game analysts like to throw out in an attempt to look smart. We’ve both settled into a nice jog to start the 2079 major league marathon, we’re out in front of the pack but well behind the leaders… the key difference, however, if that our jog isn’t that far removed from our sprint and they’re really just now starting to make up some ground after not hearing the starter pistol at the outset of the 2079 campaign. What we have going for us here, something you won’t necessarily find in Cheech’s write-up, is form – ours is good, better than we would’ve bet on, and we’ve ridden it to a 6-game winning streak while the Lou has gone 4-2 over that same stretch. We have an opportunity here to overtake the underperforming Rams – there is a faint knock at the door… but, given the report that sits in front of me, it seems likely that we could have a difficult time opening it in time to take advantage of whatever good fortune was behind the knock in the first place.

69 of 162: Gunner Amorese (3-1, 2.81) @ Radoslav Borovsky (4-5, 3.83)
Win, 2-1. The combination of our buy one, get one sashimi promo and a 6-game winning streak brought out 32,061 fans to Carnival Cruise Lines Park – that’s only 24 more fans than we get on average – and we treated them to a boring pitchers duel that was punctuated by excitement at the end when Kyle Weaver hit a walk-off single in the bottom of the 9th to secure the win and put everyone in attendance out of their misery. This game was short on highlights – Radoslav fanned 9, Magee swiped a bag, and we turned a nice DP during the top of the 4th… and, well, that’s about it. This was a good win, we stayed focused, and managed to gut it out – it won’t do our attendance any favors though and I suspect that the concession report will look pretty grim tomorrow given the cost of the salmon used in that sashimi.

Elsewhere: LF Eloy Delando, of the Decatur Donnybrooks, went 2 for 2 with 2 jacks, 5 RBIs, 3 runs, and 3 free passes in his clubs 11-2 win over the Coney Island Footlongs. Decatur currently finds themselves in last place in the Bush League’s Justice Division at 18-25 while Angry Eloy leads the league in HRs at 16. Dylan Brockmiller, of the Naperville Nibblers, is second with 13. Brockmiller led the BL in HRs in 2076 while he was a member of the Coney Island Footlongs with 46. The single-season HR record in the Bush League sits at 55 – that number was reached by Connor Whitshire in 2062 while he was a member of the Coney Island Footlongs. Wiltshire played 3 seasons in the BL after going undrafted out of Virginia.

70 of 162: Allen Barrientos (2-0, 2.57) @ Kordell Littles (4-5, 4.60)
Win, 6-3. Make it 8 straight…. Look, I’m not sure what is happening here – it defies logic, it’s a performance outlier that is threatening to be our new norm. We answered St. Louis’ 2-run top of the 2nd with 3 of our own to close out that frame and never looked back from there… Kordell gave us 8 innings of work, K’d 7, and only allowed 3 runners to plate. Magee Ives hit a 2-run, two-bagger in the bottom of the 4th for some cushion, and Harvey Allen was the rest of the story with a 9-pitch, top of the 9th save. Nearly 40-thousand fans came out for the game and those among them that went looking for sashimi paid full price. Probably not enough to put our concessions back in the black, but it’s a start.

71 of 162: Joseph Hinder (5-6, 5.94) @ Thomas Deane (5-2, 3.82)
Loss, 3-2. Thomas Deane looked better in his second attempt at pitching in a Miami Kit – 6.1 innings, 6 K’s, 3 earned – and, 3B Ethan Loy hit a two-bagger and a homer in the loss. Weaver also hit his first long ball of the season. This one was a bit frustrating if I’m honest… the effort was there, we put ourselves in a position to win, but, in the end, just didn’t have enough in the tank to run our winning streak up to 9-games. St. Louis did this one the super, old-fashioned way – they won it on a SAC FLY in the 4th from their light-hitting catcher, Jasper Herrera.

Note: Steve Green, who we sent to Barbados for some swing refinement was recalled to the big club today – which, as always, meant someone else will be headed back down… in this case, RF Aris Anaconda, whose been poor lately at the plate, will get in some reps for Havana to work on all that ails him.

72 of 162: Dimitri Pimentel (4-5, 5.29) @ Jimmy Garcia (1-1, 5.57)
Loss, 4-1. We couldn’t really figure Dimitri out in this one – the guy had us on a string with our only run coming on an Oli Woodward SAC FLY. We’ll leave this game where we started, sort of – we’re actually in 3rd now, but still behind the Rams who have moved into 2nd. Philadelphia is now, for the time being, occupying 4th on the table – don’t worry 6ers fans, I don’t expect this unexpected development to hold for long. Of course, my club, the Flim Flams, have been defying expectations all year, so – why stop now?

Note: Don’t look now, but Phoenix has captured the top spot in the always fickle, weekly power rank. Golden State is in 2nd and the Carolina Panthers round out the top 3. Of note… LA Kings are 4th, Miami is 9th, and Shawna’s North Stars are in dead last. Ouch.

[pauwoo]

Pittsburgh Steelers (40-30, .571, 1st NL East) @ Miami United (38-34, .528, 3rd NL East)
We’ll get the nod in the second game of this 3-game set by ESPN – our first, nationally televised contest since moving to Miami. Tuesday Night Baseball will be our introduction, in primetime, to the unwitting masses. We hope to make a great first impression, but I’m not banking on it. Cheech and Yan are busy working with our public relations department in response to ESPN’s interview requests for their pre-game show. Yan doesn’t worry me much, she’s good in the pocket, unflappable, but Cheech, well, he could be a problem. He’s already nervous, a complete wreck – but, if our public relations department is as good as advertised, he’ll be well-prepped to steer clear of the topics of Cuban cigars, smuggling, and the unfortunate incident with Aitor Cubas when he was working for the Sounders… the story, which I admit isn’t 100% clear to me, goes that, upon his discovery, Cheech gave Aitor a suitcase filled with hand-crafted Cuban cigars to bring to the states. From there it gets murky – Aitor was picked up, charged, and then released without anything coming of it. There were whispers of bribery, highly ranked government officials, and a Salsa starlet by the name of Claudia Hernández. The investigative arm of ESPN's journalist’s department is far from world-renowned, but they do have skills and I wouldn’t put digging this one up for the interview past them – Cheech will need to be at the top of his game. The stress of his ability to dodge & deflect coupled with a Tom Franzone appearance is nearly enough to cause me to give up baseball for good – I’ll need a case of Tums and a bottomless, no questions asked bar tab opened at the Twin Palms Bar & Laundromat if I’m going to navigate this set with my wits intact. This will either be a category 5 hurricane touching down to level the house of cards I’ve built thus far in Miami or much ado about nothing… there’s no in-between.

73 of 162: Gregory Morgan (6-5, 4.75) @ Mirko Samsonenko (5-8, 4.13)
Loss, 4-3. Pittsburgh showed their cardio in this one, outlasting us in extras and winning on a Tom Franzone run-scoring single in the top of the 11th… RP Murray Wagner had him in an 0-2 hole at the time of the hit. The hit all but erased Mirko’s 8-inning, 5-hit, 6-K, 2 earned performance and showed that, while we can hang around with the best of them, we’re still one or two close out guys away from being the real deal. We’re now 13-11 in 1-run games, which puts most of what I just said into question, but, listen, I’ve been around a bit and I know what I’m talking about. Sometimes. OK, you’re right – rarely. Or, never. What can I say? Baseball is tricky like that.

Elsewhere: SS Heathcote Kinton went 3 for 3 with a triple, TWO homers, 6 RBIs and 2 runs in Portland’s wild, 8-3 win over the Dallas Cowboys. Jo Jo Jackson struck out three times for Dallas during the game.

74 of 162: Beau Skrivan (2-3, 4.50) @ Radoslav Borovsky (4-5, 3.68)
Win, 1-0. We managed to return the favor, on national TV, in, what will forever be dubbed as the most boring, nationally broadcast, regular-season game of all-time, when, in the bottom of the 11th, C Rex Englestad hit a solo home run to send Pittsburgh off to the showers with their heads hung low and, mercifully, let ESPN cut to a drag racing rerun. We got a team shutout from Radoslav (7 IP, 5 H, 3 BB, 6 K), Murray Wagner (2 IP, 1 BB, 1 K), and CL Harvey Allen (2 IP, 5 K) while managing to eke out a win here despite leaving 18 runners stranded over the course of the game. I have a feeling that Tuesday Night Baseball won’t be back in Miami for some time after this snooze fest.

Elsewhere: SP Michael Brisk pitched an 8 inning, 3 hit shut out for Golden State in their 3-0 win over the Seattle Sounders. Brisk is now 9-4 on the year and has already matched his win total from 2078 when he was employed by the Los Angeles Kings… what a difference a change in scenery can make. SP Rad Taylor, of the CITY OF COMPTON, pitched a complete game, 2-hit shutout in a tilt against the Newport Beach Gypsies… why isn’t he on the big club yet? I think I may need to swoop in and scoop him up – we’re losing prime years behind this nonsense, folks.

75 of 162: Roydrick Luedtke (4-2, 2.86) @ Kordell Littles (5-5, 4.46)
Loss, 8-3. When you play with fire, sooner or later you’re bound to get burnt. And, while we weren’t really playing with fire here – Tom Franzone went all scorched earth on us anyway… 2 for 4, 2 HRs, 3 riblets, and 3 runs for the current HR King and leader in that category so far in 2079. With these two moonshots, Franzone has 26 jacks on the season and is leading Aitor Cubas by 6. Kordell gave up one of Franzone’s bombs, Graham Doyle gave up the other, and, as a club, we couldn’t even manage a single extra-base hit… Listen, we got destroyed in this one – toyed with, like some catnip-filled toy shaped like a sloth doing battle against Satan’s little barn cat. It was an ugly, violent end to this 3-game set.

Elsewhere: SP Seamus Calzaghe, of the Charleston Shiners (a Minnesota affiliate), struck out 15 batters in a 5-0 win over the Stockton Sailors… nice to see that Shawna has some pitching talent in the pipeline – now her brain trust needs to work out a way to fast track this kid to the big club.

Note: Only in the wildly inconsistent NL East can you lose a 3-game set against the class of the division and still climb up a spot on the table – we’re in 2nd now and a ½ above both the Philadelphia 76ers and the St. Louis Rams. We’re also only 1 game above the Montreal Wanderers – easy to forget about them… I don’t want to make that mistake.

[pauwoo]

Look, it had to be done... I couldn't just sit idly by as Megan allowed Rad to die on the vine. And, as it stands, I didn't really have to give up that much to get him. Actually, that's not entirely true - I gave up a low-key power bat on a power-starved club to bring Rad into the fold. And, I probably just should have stood down and let the whole Rad thing sort itself out - but, he's my guy... had to be done.



With the trade, Rad moves up to the big club and is slotted in as our #5 starter.

[pauwoo]

Houston Dynamo (34-38, .472, 4th NL West) @ Miami United (39-36, .520, 2nd NL East)
Houston’s best finish in the last 7 years came in 2075 when they posted a 80-82 record and missed the playoffs by 1 game… Los Angeles went instead and promptly lost in the 1st round to the eventual champion Jacksonville Jaguars. Houston hasn’t even as much as sniffed the playoffs since and don’t look like they will get their sense of smell back anytime soon. They just can’t seem to piece things together – and, while they do have one of the sturdiest injured lists in the majors, everybody knows that, even at full strength, this year’s version of the Dynamo is anything but. We couldn’t ask for a better opponent to close out this ultra-long homestand. So far, in 10 straight home games, against some stiff competition, we managed to go a respectable 6-4, but with Houston in town, we have a real opportunity to make this run special, something that we can look back on from the finish line and say, “that was the turning point, that’s when we knew we could be a playoff club”.

76 of 162: Wes Doles (1-0, 5.40) @ Thomas Deane (5-3, 3.86)
Loss, 4-0. Meh. Houston, that terrible team I was telling you about in the hackneyed paragraph above didn’t look so terrible in this one – they’d preserve a team shutout after yanking Wes Doles in the 7th, put three on our starter, two of which came on a jimmy Potter HR, and did just enough to get a good, clean road win against us here… for our part, we hit into two double-plays, got caught with our hand in the honey pot, and committed two, costly fielding flubs. This just wasn’t our best effort – the club had an opportunity to attack a weak club at full tilt and instead decided to play down to their level or worse. Mostly worse.

Elsewhere: Merl Crawford went eight strong innings for the Brooklyn Citizens in their 3-0 win over the San Francisco Seals. Merl walks one and fanned 10 for the game – great showing from the former Laker. C Brandon Schmidt, of your Havana Sugar Kings, went 2 for 4 with a GRAND SLAM, 6 RBIs, and 3 runs in their 10-4 win on the road in Cincinnati. Aitor Cubas (SEA) hit his 21st homer in Seattle during a 6-3 win over the Toronto Reds BC and the Dallas Cowboys’ Jo Jo Jackson hit his 17th long ball during his clubs 6-3 win over the Chicago Fire – both men took advantage of Tom Franzone’s day off and managed to make up a little bit of ground.

Trade: Yan traded Graham Doyle to the Portland Timbers for a gaggle of prospects that have as much chance of making the majors as a scratch ticket bought at your local gas & sip has of coming up JACKPOT. Graham is a guy that I like – he can deal, that much is certain, but he takes too long to get into a groove to be a consistent reliever and doesn’t have the stamina to be a consistent starter. He’s stuck in the middle – and, Yan squished him like a grape. So long Mr. Doyle – may the road ahead be paved in gold.

77 of 162: Pete Taylor (7-7, 2.57) @ Rad Taylor (0-0, 0.00)
Side Note: This rematch of the estranged Taylor bros came without planning and no interference from my marketing staff.
Win, 4-2. Rad Taylor looked sharp – 8 innings of work, 8 hits, only 2 earned runs, and 3 K’s – he’s also 2-0 against his half-brother. Aris Anaconda went 1 for 4 with a 2-run HR off the elder Taylor, Early Felger hit his 5th jack, and Harvey Allen secured his 11th save of the year. This was a good win for the team – and, while it wasn’t one that we desperately needed, it was one where the club could regain some of its standing in the local community after getting shutout by the piss-poor Dynamo in the first of this four-game series.

78 of 162: Mark Borello (4-4, 3.07) @ Mirko Samsonenko (5-8, 3.99)
Win, 4-2. Mirko left with an undisclosed injury after the 1st – sure would be nice if Graham was still around… unless it’s just a DtD thing, then, cool. Guzman gave us 4 innings in relief and fanned 5 for his troubles, Sibley nearly blew it for us when he came on for Saul as he gave up 2 runs, both on solo HRs, in the 7th, and Harvey picked up his 12th save on the year… good offensive showings from Early (2 for 3 with 2 RBIs, a run, and a walk) and Magee (3 for 4 with a double and 2 runs), a steal for Magee, and a SAC FLY from Anaconda… all in a day's work, we’re a fun club to watch when we’re clicking a bit.

Elsewhere: Matthew Krebs, of the Brooklyn Citizens, pitched a complete, 1-run game with 16 K’s in a 10-1 win over the San Francisco Seals… that was good enough for a game score of 90 (4th best this year) and his 16 K’s is the best so far in 2079 by three K’s. Not to be outdone, even though he kinda was, T-Rex Stiles, of your Barbados Tridents, pitched a complete, 3-run game with 15 K’s in his clubs 11-3 win over the Fontana Maples… he finished with a ho-hum game score of 70, but his 15 K’s has him knotted up with Seamus Calzaghe for best of the year. Calzaghe accomplished the feat against Stockton only a few days ago and was highlighted in the previous post.

Injury Update: Well, crap… Mirko will be out for 6 months.

79 of 162: Abe Meinecke (4-6, 4.13) @ Radoslav Borovsky (4-5, 3.43)
Win, 6-0. We send Houston home on a shutout… Early was at it again in a 4 for 4, 3 run, 3 RBI performance, Aris went 2 for 3 with 3 RBIs of his own, and Murray Wagner picked up his first save of the season on a 2.1 inning performance. SAC FLY from Anaconda, 5 swiped bags (Felger 2x, Scharmer 2x, and Magee 1x), and 2 double plays round this one out for us… we’ve now won 3 in a row and have completed our 14-game homestand at 9-5. Not bad.

Elsewhere: Frodo Gonzales (SEA) went 2 for 3 with a HR, 5 RBIs, and 2 runs in the Sounders’ 12-7 win over the Toronto Reds BC. Haven’t heard his name for a while – good to see that he’s still alive, doing what he loves, and, occasionally, making a difference. Oh, and file this one under, “when did that happen”… SP Randy Kline will miss the rest of the season with a torn UCL… I don’t remember him going down, but, whatever – too many bourbon’s it seems. Heathcote Kinton & Palmer Parker took home player of the week honors for their respective leagues, we are now power ranked #6, the top three is Portland, Golden State, and Phoenix… Minnesota is still ranked last and has gone 2-4 since breaking their 11-game losing streak against the San Francisco Seals. Hey! We’re a half-game up on Philly and still holding onto the 2nd slot on the NL East table.

[pauwoo]

Miami United (42-37, .532, 2nd NL East) @ Minnesota North Stars (25-51, .329, 6th NL West)
With ERA’s that range from 4.25 at the low end all the way up to 8.37, it’s safe to say that Minnesota’s pitching staff is the worst in baseball. This is bad on a scale so grandiose that it should be studied, thoroughly, with grants meted out for dissertations to be authored and released, free of charge, to anyone who cares enough to want to avoid the pitfalls that Minnesota’s brain trust so merrily fell into. We’ll not likely see this sort of hurling futility again any time soon… especially on this scale while being paired with an offense that is, top to bottom, one of the very best in baseball – a top-five unit built on contact and power. Shawna, all tolerant and charitable, is upset… her expectation was to reach the playoffs, to finally turn that corner and to begin reaching the heights of 2073 when her club wasn’t hers when it was located in Oklahoma City. Historically, the club has only won a single championship – way back in 2018, before she was born… you have to wonder, after owning the club since 2074, when Shawna will cut bait and run – when she will, finally, admit defeat and move into something other than baseball, something more academic and outside the world of sports. That, I think, would be the smart thing to do at this point and one thing everyone agrees on, wholeheartedly, is that Shawna is brilliant – but, alas, she’s no quitter, and, as such, she will ride this thing into the abyss if she has to.

Elsewhere: With baseball being played whether we’re working or not, Eloy Delando held it down for the hardcore baseball fans in the Bush League. The Decatur Donnybrook went 2 for 3 with a 2-run homer, 2 runs and 2 walks in their 9-4 win over the Hagerstown Hummers. Angry Eloy now has 18 dingers so far in 2079. His BL run has been a successful one so far – he’s been happy, is seen as a clubhouse leader, and continues to punish opposing pitchers at every opportunity.

80 of 162: Kordell Littles (5-6, 4.65) @ Taylor Pushkin (3-2, 4.27)
Loss, 5-0. So, here we are, playing down to our opponents again and getting shut out in a hitter’s park as a reward for our ineptitude. Pushkin was at his most brilliant – he dealt for 8.2 innings, gave up 8 hits and no runs while striking us out 6 times. Meanwhile, Kordell gave up 4 runs in 6 innings of work… 3B Aldo Fernandez went 4 for 4 with a two-bagger, a jack, 3 runs, and an RBI for Minnesota while our offense sputtered and labored until finally petering out – we left 6 men on base, ground into two double-plays, and committed two errors on the day, including #6 for Early Felger.

81 of 162: Thomas Deane (5-4, 3.86) @ Anthony Boswell (2-4, 4.96)
Loss, 9-3. It would seem that we’ve cured the North Stars, that we are the ibuprofen that broke their prolonged and miserable fever… they really put it on Deane in this one – gave him the business in the bottom of the first, running up 5 on us in that frame, before settling into a pattern of scoring in the 1’s and 2’s until we finally reached the end of this contest. Our offense was worse than yesterday in some respects – 3 GIDP’s, an error, and 7 LOB… and our pitching, well, you already know that it was woeful. Deane gave up 6 runs and left early, Rad came on in relief (it seems that my skipper wants him in the bullpen for now) and gave up 3 runs over 4 innings of work, and Saul closed the show efficiently enough, but by the time we gave him the ball the story had already been written.

Elsewhere: Seattle’s Aitor Cubas hit his 23rd HR of the year – this one did damage… it came during a 10-7 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars in the form of a GRAND SLAM in the bottom of the 3rd. Aitor is now 5 HRs behind Tom Franzone for the MLB lead in that category.

82 of 162: Lucas Brandt (3-3, 3.03) @ Matt Olston (4-4, 5.18)
Loss, 6-1. Whoa… swept out of town by the worst team in baseball – this is a new low for my club. It’s not just that we lost three straight to these guys, that can happen at any time to anyone, it’s that they man-handled us – like we were a 160lber forced to wrestle a heavyweight during a high school dual meet. This sort of destruction is how high school girlfriends are lost, this is how you end up locked inside your locker for the duration of the third period… what’s worse here? That we got swept or that we got beat by a score of 20-4 on aggregate? That’s a difficult one to parse out, isn’t it? What we wanted here was to start this 9-game road trip off with a series win against the lowly North Stars before heading to Pittsburgh where we will, undoubtedly, be big brother’d for 3 games. Instead, after being rag-dolled and beat on a technical fall, I’d be surprised if any of my core players even bother to make weight for our next set in Pittsburgh.

Notes: Easy come, easy go… as they say. I think. They say that, right? Look, we were playing a bit above our station, managed to climb all the way up to second on the NL East table where we got a little light-headed at the altitude. Now, with our wits about us once again, we are snuggled firmly into the comfortable position of 4th on the table and 3 ½ games off of Pittsburgh’s pace. These things have a way of working themselves out, don’t they?

[BirdWatcher]

Pushkin and Boswell. Is this a pitching staff or a literary who's who?

Also, I was thinking that those North Stars remind me a bit of the Phoenix Speed Devils in the WPK. I was going to ask about the ballpark and then saw your mention of it being a hitter's park. Out of curiosity, just how extreme a hitter's park is it? Those Speed Devils I mentioned play in one of the more extreme hitter's parks in the league and while they do have some great sluggers, their offense is likely not quite as good as it looks while their beleaguered pitching staff is probably not as inept as they look. Don't get me wrong, the Speed Devils staff would be pretty mediocre even in a great pitcher's park (see, the San Francisco Velocity's Bank of the West Ballpark), but not quite as atrocious as they are now.

Same with the North Stars?

[pauwoo]

Miami United (42-40, .512, 4th NL East) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (44-35, .557, 1st NL East)
Three days in Pittsburgh spent smashing Yuengling’s, eating at Primanti Brothers, and getting destroyed by the local baseball club – two of those three things are desirable, you can’t do much better, but the third, well, that one is the stuff of nightmares. If I’m being honest – I don’t want to be here. Not at all – who wants to bring their ho-hum ballclub into a town with designs on playing their, much better, ballclub for three straight days after having how bad you really are perfectly illustrated, in real-time, by a club that is so far behind the pack calling them the worst in the game just isn’t enough? But, here we are, ready to take our beatings because the regular season schedule is not a suggestion and we are all just slaves to the game… this will be the spring of our discontent, made glorious for all who have the good fortune to play us as we work out our nonfeasance in an attempt to do our lawful duty of bringing wins back to south beach. Or something like that… I’m just here for the beer, a few laughs, and maybe to catch the Steel City Rollers in a tilt against the Rocket Queens.

Note: Rad, due to a scheduling mishap perpetrated by my Skipper, Matt Riley, is getting a start in the first game of this set… he’ll be held to an 80 PC… assuming he makes it that far.

83 of 162: Rad Taylor (1-0, 3.60) @ Greg Morgan (7-5, 4.96)
Win, 13-8. Eight runs scored while Rad was on the bump… only four of those will be charged to his account because of our infield’s buffoonery… two errors from our SS and 3B led to 4 runs scoring here. It’d have been embarrassing, or more embarrassing, had our club not hit 3 doubles, a homer, and 8, 2-out RBIs… Aris went 3 for 4 with a double, an RBI, and 4 runs, Kyle Weaver finished 3 for 3 with a double and 2 runs, and Rex went 2 for 4 with a solo-dinger and 4 runs… and, just like that, we go from being rag-dolled by the worst team in baseball to landing a textbook single-leg takedown on the best team in our division en route to a rousing decision victory. Keep grindin’, that’s our motto.

84 of 162: Radoslav Borovsky (5-5, 3.22) @ Kurt Miller (4-7, 4.11)
Win, 7-1. Borovsky was lights out over 7 innings of work – 5 hits and a run was all Pittsburgh could muster against your boy in this one… Scharmer drove two in, another double for Kyle, 3 2-out RBIs, a SAC FLY, 3 jacked bags, and 3 double plays for the squad today – out here looking like a well-oiled machine, heavy on horsepower, with a dropped suspension, and those white walls looking crisp and on full display. This is not the rat-rod you’re looking for…

Note: We’ve lost Saul Guzman for 8-9 weeks… the old battle-ax pulled his hammy warming up.

Elsewhere: Philly’s Owen Gibbs went 5 for 5 with 2 homers, 5 RBIs and 3 runs in the 76ers 17-12 win over the Brooklyn Citizens… seems like they let hitters blast them off of a tee in this one. Owen achieved a 106 game score for his efforts here – that’s good enough for second-best this year behind Archie Imanov’s 110 score from April of this year. His effort also came against Brooklyn – a trend, I sense it.

Trade Alert: This one was all Yan – like, I had no hand in it at all. When she paid Rex Engelstad so much in the offseason, I immediately wanted her to trade him off of the club – his price was too high… and today, she accomplished that and then some by sending Rex, SP Yogi De Jesus, and SP Harumi Murakami to Phoenix for 3B Homer Wingard. Not sure how Homer feels about this – angry, pissed, confused – but I am ecstatic.

85 of 162: Kordell Littles (5-7, 4.73) @ Lee Pullen (4-0, 4.31)
Win, 11-10. Another firefight in this one, another win for the good guys, and our 4th sweep of the season and second in enemy territory. This is, well, confusing… are we a good baseball team that is on the precipice of greatness or are we a club that finds good fortune at a clip that is unfair to every other club around us? Hard to say. Anaconda went gonzo again in a 3 for 5, 3 RBI performance, and we survived THREE Pittsburgh HR’s, including #29 from Mr. Franzone, to take a hard-earned, high-scoring, 1-run victory for the 15th time this year. 5 of the runs we scored today were unearned serving to underscore the completeness of our good fortune – but, in a bit of karmic justice I suppose, SS Steve Green, the Vampire from Outer Space, was injured in a collision with Pittsburgh’s sturdily built Catcher, Jayce Van Vorst. Even vampires can be concussed due to a collision with a padded up, hard as a rock Catcher. Van Vorst, a Phoenix native, and well-known garlic enthusiast was uninjured on the play.

Elsewhere: Seamus Calzaghe, who was recently promoted to the Tulsa Drillers (AAA) from Charleston, hurled a complete game. 2-hitter against Huntington Beach in a 2-0 win in his AAA debut. I think Minnesota is fast-tracking the kid – who can blame them.

Note: Steve Green broke his hand – he’s out for 3-months… crap. We’ve moved up to 3rd on the NL East table and are a scant 1 ½ game off… St. Louis’s pace. Pablo Madera (CAR) & Palmer Parker (PHI) took home PotW honors in their respective leagues – this is the second such designation this year for both players. Madera is making a case for the Boyce in the AL – but he still has some work to do if he is to get that nod – while Parker is leading the NL in WAR and may be the odds-on favorite to finish 1st in that vote in the National League. Golden State is back atop the weekly power ranking with PDX, STL PHX, and LAK rounding out the top 5… we are ranked 8th. Don’t sleep on us – we’re unpredictable… one set we are having it handed to us by the worst team in the league and the next we are dismantling the best team in our division, in their park, in front of their fans, and for all the world to see. We’re the best ever. We’re the most brutal, vicious, and most ruthless champion there’s ever been. There’s no club can stop us… our style is impetuous. our defense is impregnable. And we’re just ferocious. We want your heart. Oh, and leave your kids at home please, this could get ugly. So, um, yeah – off to Montreal now for 3 games in the North before heading back to South Beach for a set against the visiting 76ers… then it’s the All-Star break.

[pauwoo]

Originally Posted by BirdWatcher

Pushkin and Boswell. Is this a pitching staff or a literary who's who?

Also, I was thinking that those North Stars remind me a bit of the Phoenix Speed Devils in the WPK. I was going to ask about the ballpark and then saw your mention of it being a hitter's park. Out of curiosity, just how extreme a hitter's park is it? Those Speed Devils I mentioned play in one of the more extreme hitter's parks in the league and while they do have some great sluggers, their offense is likely not quite as good as it looks while their beleaguered pitching staff is probably not as inept as they look. Don't get me wrong, the Speed Devils staff would be pretty mediocre even in a great pitcher's park (see, the San Francisco Velocity's Bank of the West Ballpark), but not quite as atrocious as they are now.

Same with the North Stars?

You're absolutely correct - it's easily the friendliest in the league with the park in Phoenix being a close second, and Houston's park in a not-so-distant 3rd.

[pauwoo]

Miami United (45-40, .529, 3rd NL East) @ Montreal Wanderers (39-43, .476, 5th NL East)
Montreal is 2-8 in their last ten, languishing through a 5-game skid, and mired in a season fraught with futility and unsatisfactory results. They are where I would’ve expected us to be at this point of the season. And, if not for our incredibly long home stand, maybe we would be… the Wanderers are the other side of Minnesota’s coin in that they pair a crackerjack staff (in a pitcher’s park) with a dreadful offense that couldn’t hit their way out of a wet paper bag. So, in short, they are the exact kind of club that inspires a level of worry known only to first-time moms and Alfred E. Neuman. Yeah, I got worry – there’s something about these ‘bad’ clubs that brings out the worst in us.

86 of 162: Thomas Deane (5-5, 4.41) @ Cliff Slavinski (6-7, 4.69)
Loss, 6-1. C-Slav, a nickname I just thought of on the fly and almost instantaneously regretted, is now 4-4 since we shipped him, express, to the Wanderers in exchange for some trading chips and a box of cream puffs. Here, in his 4th win secured while donning a Montreal kit, he went 7 strong while only allowing 2 hits, 1 run, and zero free passes to go along with his 9 K’s. Deane, in a near repeat of his most recent outing, gave up three runs in the bottom of the 1st and our offense struggled with life, pondered our human existence, and, basically, slept through this one. Archie Imanov hit his 13th long ball of the season for Montreal – he’s played well since being purchased from the San Marcos Supremos… money well spent, you ask me.

Elsewhere: SP Howard Min, not to be confused with Mr. Zinn, recorded a complete game, 5-hit shutout for his Columbus Blue Jackets in a 3-0 win over the Gwinnett Stripers – if the south is ever going to do it again, per the prediction of the Georgian Devil Slayer, Mr. Charlie Daniels, it won’t come against the representative from Ohio, it seems. Also, in AA news… everyone’s favorite prospect, Mortecai Flenderson, of the Chula Vista Terrapins in San Diego’s development system, was suspended for 6 games following an incident where he, in all his youthful chutzpah, ran up on SP Frederico Rodriguez after being pegged in his bicep by a wayward pitch. Flenderson, it turns out, has a solid jab / left cross combo - so, we’ll go ahead and upgrade him to a 6-tool prospect.

87 of 162: Lucas Brandt (3-4, 3.80) @ Hudson Dorsch (4-8, 3.18)
Win, 6-1. We’re now even on aggregate, even on the series, and find ourselves in a position to close this set out with a win in the rubber match if Rad Taylor can come correct on the bump. Brandt gave us 6, shut out innings, Travis Scharmer went 2 for 5 with a 3-run homer and 2 runs, and Oli Woodward went 3 for 4 with a run. New guy, Homer Wingard, had the day off – which, is just as well given the fact that he hasn’t done much of note since his arrival in Miami… We got two steals (Scharmer secured his 36th and still leads the league in that category), a tasty little double play, and an OF Assist from Weaver who caught C Ted Victor trying to get cute and make it to 3rd from 1st on a well-hit single.

Elsewhere: Look, I’m not sure what the deal is – I don’t get to talk about much other than shop with my former protégé, Megan Appel, but, for whatever reason, RF Kirk Johnson is doing work in the CITY OF COMPTON for now, and, despite being stuck in the doghouse, went 4 for 6 with a HR, 3 RBIs, and 3 runs in the Raiders 13-8 win over my Havana Sugar Kings… in Havana, where, as Cheech tells it, he’s been seen carousing with the local talent at the Buena Vista Social Club after each game. Trouble in paradise, it seems… I’ll need to get in touch with Loretta, I need the scuttlebutt and she’s the only Roller Derby Queen / Private Dick I trust to get it for me…

88 of 162: Rad Taylor (2-0, 4.15) @ Dylan Bauer (4-7, 4.34)
Loss, 11-7. Rad gave up the ghost early in this one – a four-run bottom of the 2nd was his undoing here, and, try as they might, our offense just didn’t have enough gas to get us over the finish line… Homer got a hit and struck out twice, Weaver drove two in, Magee went 3 for 5 with 2 runs and an RBI-double, and we hit two SAC FLIES… it was a valiant effort, but to the victor the spoils, the damsel in distress, and the gold, gem-encrusted crown goes… hey, look, at least we didn’t get swept, right?

Elsewhere: Kirk Johnson, having the time of his young life in Havana, went 3 for 5 with a two-bagger, 2 ribbies, and a run in Compton’s 7-5 win over my Sugar Kings… what’s worse – dropping two of three, at home, to the Compton Raiders or the fact that it was Kirk Johnson, in both wins, that brought it home for them? Or both? Probably both, right? But, hey! All is not lost – Barbados, on the road in Little Rock, Arkansas, secured a 2-1 win over the Rascals in Continental League play… I’m reaching a bit to find the silver lining here, but, when you’re desperate to convert lemons into lemonade, you put on your safety goggles and hope for the best.

Note: Still in 3rd, but now at 3 ½ games back… I’m cool with it because I have to be – and, with Philadelphia coming to town, we need to put this one behind us and push forward to do our level best to not be embarrassed at home by P-Squared and the Cheesesteaks…

[BirdWatcher]

Howard Zinn and Charlie Daniels in the same long sentence.
Now that's impressive!

[pauwoo]

Philadelphia 76ers (43-43, .500, 4th NL East) @ Miami United (46-42, .523, 3rd NL East)
We’re 28-18 at home so far in 2079 – that’s been the gift of the 1st half for us. But it’s a gift that we bought for ourselves and the bill is about to come due. Though, not until August & September – so, here we are, living on borrowed time and staring down the barrel of the business end of a gun with a 4-game series against Philadelphia on the other side. The truth of the matter, on paper at least, is that they are, in every conceivable way, a better ballclub than us. They hit better, they field better, and their pitchers have better stuff than ours… but, if the trend holds, none of that matters when we are in Miami. This is where you want to be when you have a date with Palmer Parker and his ragtag group of rude boys – within walking distance of the Twin Palms Bar & Laundromat, on a houseboat with a premium sound system and nonexistent moorage fees, and never far from a well-made Cubano. A man could get used to this – spending Elvira’s settlement on premium talent, trips to Barbados and Cuba under the guise of business and spending your nights in the Carnival Cruise Lines Ballpark playing catch. And, outside of the fact that we have to play a hard-nosed, never-quit ballclub like the 76ers, there’s no place else I’d rather be… except a yacht, just off the coast of Jamaica, with a line in the water while sipping on a Golden Cadillac.

89 of 162: Jimmy Garcia (1-3, 6.93) @ Radoslav Borovsky (6-5, 3.10)
Loss, 3-2. It took 15 innings to sort this one out – a Justin Jenkins solo-HR was all she wrote for us at the top of that frame. We can take solace in the fact that less than half of the 32K fans who showed up were still in the park to see us unable to answer them back in the bottom of the 15th before we shuffled off the field like a horde of zombies whose aimless pursuit of flesh was replaced with a primal desire to find our beds so we could sleep this one-off. In 53 total at-bats, we could only muster 3 doubles, a SAC BUNT, and 2 runs as a club while leaving twelve of our best and brightest stranded like lost dogs on the Isle of Wight. We’re tired, a bit pissed, and determined to come back tomorrow for more existential punishment. Also, Palmer Parker went 2 for 5 with a HR tonight. The man is relentless.

Elsewhere: Look, I don’t know how many sidecar’s I had after the game at the Twin Palms Bar & Laundromat last night – it’s not that I lost count, it’s just that it wasn’t a count your drinks kind of night – losing a 15-inning game is an emotionally draining experience. More importantly, I’m not sure how I missed it during our game – maybe I was so dialed into the back and forth that my tunnel vision made it impossible to see – but, SP Newton Weiser, of the Los Angeles Kings, etched his name into the history books with a NO HITTER and 4-0 win over, you guessed it, LA’s arch-nemesis, and frequent whipping boys, the Phoenix Suns! In addition to not allowing a single hit, Newton handed out 4 free passes and fanned 7 batters. If you’re keeping track, that’s two no-hitters for hurlers associated with my ex-ballclub so far this year. What a scandal. There was a couple of ‘close, but no cigar’ moment in the International League as well…

• Ned Pitt – 9 IP, 1 H, 0 ER, 1 BB, 7 K in Sacramento’s 4-0 win over the Louisville Bats
• Elijah Rees – 9 IP, 2 H, 0 ER, 2 BB, 9 K in Salt Lake’s 4-0 win over the Staten Island Killer Bees

90 of 162: Logan Maldonado (8-4, 3.180 @ Kordell Littles (5-7, 4.88)
Loss, 5-4. Clipped at home again – this time off a late-game, multiple inning rally that saw Philly stay just one, short step ahead of our team. We got three doubles (including Weaver’s 19th), a triple (courtesy of Early Felger), and two, 2-out RBIs. It just wasn’t enough – we came out a step too slow at the outset and, while we gave a good chase, just didn’t have the wherewithal to pull even with Philly. I’d like to point to Parker’s 3 K’s as a moral victory here, but it seems that the fact that they did it without him being his usual self will be the catalyst for another evening spent at the Twin Palms bar & Laundromat imbibing too many cocktails, getting too loose with my tips (those Amazonian, University of Miami Volleyball players deserve my support!), and moving much closer to my inevitable midlife crisis. If someone at the bar offers to sell me a convertible Camaro, you may never see the likes of me again…

91 of 162: Vin Uhlman (7-8, 5.74) @ Thomas Deane (5-6, 4.73)
Loss, 14-2. Allow me to set the scene for you – You’ve risen from your well-deserved slumber refreshed, your mood is bright, the coffee is flowing, it’s got that bite to it that you like… you’re off on the good foot. When you turn the key to your ride she purrs, you get that sweet sound that can only be produced by that good ol’ American muscle. Things are good, traffic is light, you’re seeing green at every intersection and then… BLAMMO – you get jack-knifed by a semi carrying a full load of black licorice and everlasting gobstoppers… your wheels fly one way, your fastback GTO flips four times, and everywhere you look all you can see is two of the worst candies ever created and the flashing lights of multiple emergency vehicles… that’s what this one felt like. Cody Keenan was behind the wheel for Philly – 3 for 6, a double, a homer, 5 riblets, and 2 runs – and Palmer Parker was his co-pilot – 3 for 5, with a double, 3 RBIs, and 2 runs. Meanwhile, Vin Uhlman is putting you up on the gurney while hurling bad news your way in the form of sliders, curveballs, and change-ups – he’s giving you the business here over 9 innings of sublime work where he only allows 4 hits and 2 runs… it’s a nightmare. One, Two… Parker’s coming for you, Three, Four… better lock your door…

Elsewhere: After tonight’s gut-wrenchingly thorough shellacking, the proprietor in charge of the Twin Palms bar & Laundromat has informed me that I’ll need to pay my tab and apologize to his waitstaff before he will serve me again… I’m not 100% sure what I did last night but I’m told that it included an episode where I attempted to breakdance on top of a table that I had lit on fire and ended with me asking each server to marry me despite the chorus of boos being rained down upon me by the regulars. I may need to find a new bar. Hell, after tonight, I may need to find a new town. Also, Tony Voorhis hit a GRAND SLAM for Phoenix in a 6-5 loss against the Los Angeles Kings – that’s a win-win if you ask me.

Other bad news: Tom Franzone is out for 5 weeks with a broken collarbone. That sucks. I hate it when one of our greats goes down for that length of time.

92 of 162: Wilson Pena (4-2, 3.29) @ Lucas Brandt (4-4, 3.33)
Loss, 2-1. Well, it’s safe to say that the good times are killing me… another day, another loss. A 4-game sweep at the hands of the Philadelphia 76ers in our park, in front of our fans, our wives, our mistresses, their cabana boy boy-toys, some other people that showed up for a hot dog and beer, and a smattering of folks who, really, have no idea how they got here. Listen, the details of this one are not important. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we suck, we’re terrible, and our time of faking it until we’ve made it has come to an end by virtue of the fact that we weren’t ever going to make it anyways. It’s all downhill from here folks… do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars.

Elsewhere: Ian Hanan, former King & current member of the Galaxy, went 4 for 4 with a 3-run dinger in LA’s 9-1 win over the Dallas Cowboys. So, that’s cool – it’s nice to see a player that I was, in some small way, associated with have himself a bit of success. Especially when my club is having none of that – now or in the foreseeable future.

Notes: We’re now 6 ½ games off the pace and have dropped to 4th on the NL East table… just in time for the all-star break which I plan to spend drinking myself into a stupor within the friendly confined of my super swanky houseboat… that is if Elvira and her Body Guard haven’t changed the locks on me.

[pauwoo]

7/11/2079 – The American League dismantled the National League in the all-star game by a score of 8-1. Michael Brisk (GSW) got the win and Aitor Cubas (SEA) was named game MVP.

Miami United (46-46, .500, 4th NL East) @ San Francisco Seals (39-50, .438, 4th NL West)
We return from the all-star break (RE: 3-day weekend) for a 4-game series against the injury-depleted San Francisco Seals. Their top two offensive players are out for another month, so we should be able to navigate their lineup easily – should, of course, is the operative word. The Seals are one of three clubs in the NL West that has had a rough first half – both in terms of injuries and quality of play. At 39-50 so far in 2079, are 4-6 in their last 10, and with an rDiff of -46 – it’s been a struggle so far in the bay. Made more apparent by the fact that the best club in the Majors sets up shop right down the street. Bay Area baseball fans maintain their allegiances through thick & thin – it’s based on where you live in NorCal really, but while the Golden State faithful is in full bloom, strutting their stuff, and doing the Brutus, the Seals purists have largely gone dormant. Attendance is down by ~6%, revenue is down by ~9%, and, after 5 straight losing seasons, their fan loyalty has been put to the test. What we’d like to do here is to come back from the break hot, to further test their fans resolve, and start moving in the right direction again after entering the break on a 5-game losing streak.

93 of 162: Kordell Littles (5-8, 4.96) @ Landon Sampson (7-5, 4.66)
Win, 6-3. It took a top of the 9th rally to get it done – aided by a couple of errors in that frame, we managed to put 5 runs on the board starting off with an Early Felger 2-run double. Landon held us scoreless through 6.1 innings, but their bullpen fell apart late when their closer, Kaoru Kudo, blew his 3rd save of the year and allowed 5 runs (2 of which were earned) on 16 total pitched.

94 of 162: Thomas Deane (5-7, 5.17) @ Cathal Magill (7-8, 3.84)
Win, 3-1. We’d score our runs early in this one, all three plated before the 3rd inning, and Deane had his best performance as a member of the United with an 8 inning, 5-hitter where he allowed only 1 run and fanned 7 batters. Anaconda went 2 for 3 with a 2-run dinger, Rico Sosa (our new catcher – brought in by a trade that I never highlighted… tsk, tsk) hit 2 doubles, and we stole four bags during the game (2x for Magee & Donovan).

95 of 162: Lucas Brandt (4-5, 3.14) @ AJ Quimby (5-6, 4.13)
Loss, 5-3. San Francisco survived two homers from our club (Magee & Anaconda) and got a vintage performance from Quimby who went 8-innings of 5-hit ball, allowing two runs and fanning 10. Side note: So far, we’re getting less than nothing from Homer Wingard – the guy has been a black hole at the plate. Yan may have been boondoggled in that trade…

Elsewhere: Tony Voorhis went 3 for 3 with 2 dingers, 5 RBIs, and 3 runs in the Suns’ 8-7 win over the St. Louis Rams – he now has 16 long balls this season. Also, over the last three days, the Minnesota North Stars have made three trades… they’ve shipped Otis Murry to the Carolina Panthers for two minor league pitchers, sent SP Anthony Boswell to Green Bay for another low-key pitching prospect, and, finally, have moved SP David Ouwerkerk to St. Louis for two more pitching prospects and a minor league second baseman.

96 of 162: Rad Taylor (2-1, 5.61) @ Elijah Rizzuto (0-8, 5.35)
Loss, 7-2. We’ll settle for a split in our first series back from the break – nothing lost, nothing gained. Rad pitched well – 7 IP, 10 H, 1 ER, 3 BB, 4 K – but Reliever Danny Switzer got shelled for 6 earned in the bottom of the 8th. That’s ugly. It’ll be a long ride back home for that guy. Also, Homer hit an RBI double… so, that’s nice. Happy that he’s finally decided to be a part of the show.

Elsewhere: We have our 3rd NO HITTER of the season…. SP Logan Maldonado, of the Philadelphia 76ers, pitched a NO-NO in his team's 8-0 win over the LOS ANGELES KINGS. Over the course of 9 innings, Maldonado only allowed one walk and fanned 5 batters – he let the defense eat in this one, and they maintained their appetite long enough to make sure their guy made history. During the same game, 2B Rich Hamilton recorded his 2500th major league hit at a spry 38-years old… so far in 2079, Hamilton is hitting .282 with 10 homers and 39 RBIs.

[pauwoo]

Phoenix Suns (56-37, .602, 1st NL West) @ Miami United (48-48, .500, 4th NL East)
The last time we were home, for an ill-fated 4-game series, the Philadelphia 76ers stole our soul, brought it to the chop shop, parted us out, and sold off anything of value. What they left us with is cold sweats and nightmares of being exposed as frauds in front of our hometown fans... again. And, as luck would have it, our encore to that dreadful showing will come against the best team in the National League... the Phoenix Suns. Listen, I could regale you with stats, painstakingly list out all the ways that Phoenix bests us - in talent, game planning, coordination... you name it - but, I won’t. Because I don’t have that kind of time and you don’t want to read that drivel anyways. So, let’s just put it out there like this - what you are about to witness is a crime against humanity, murder in the 1st... it is punishable by death, my death as the VP of baseball operations for the Miami Baseball Club, LLC most likely, and, if you care to stick around for it just know that what you are about to see is rated NC-17 and we take no responsibility for how it affects you long-term. Proceed with caution, dear friends, and I hope you brought some gum - this set could get messy.

97 of 162: Robert Hawkins (7-6, 4.58) @ Radoslav Borovsky (6-5, 3.00)
Win, 5-3. This could just be the calm before the storm, a setup, the ol’ bait and switch - a banana in the proverbial tailpipe... the scene of that slasher film where the blonde bombshell makes every mistake in the book yet still survives because the director has a nudity quota to fill and there will be plenty of time to snuff her out in the next scene or two... Or, it could be that our guys aren’t phased by our recent massacre at the hands of Philly and are so wrapped up in their misplaced confidence and souped-up bravado that they don’t understand the gravity of our situation. Who knows, really - what I do know is that we got the W here, that Radoslav pitched well (7.1 IP, 3 earned), and that Early Felger went 2 for 3 with a solo HR and 2 runs to bust this thing open for us. So, here’s the plan - as soon as the official scorekeeper sends this one into the league office, we run. Like the wind. And we don’t look back.

Elsewhere: The Philadelphia 76ers, soul-thieves & cheesesteak aficionados, defeated the San Francisco Seals by a score of 14-0… when you see that line, the first thing that comes to mind is, “man, Palmer must’ve crushed”, right? Well, you wouldn’t be wrong as he recorded 3 RBIs and a run while Justin Jenkins went 2 for 4 with 5 RBIs of his own. Offensively, they were at their best – to be sure, but, the performance of the night has to go to SP Wilson Pena, who almost entered his name into the history books with a NO-NO before it was broken up in the bottom of the 8th (I won’t say who did it, he doesn’t deserve it). Pena pitched a complete, 1-hit shutout with 8 K’s in the win… an all-time performance for him and so close to immortality.

98 of 162: Jack Sanchez-Flores (10-5, 3.82) @ Kordell Littles (5-8, 4.88)
Loss, 2-0. The second game of this 3-game set was a pitcher’s duel – JSF went the distance and threw a complete game, 4-hit shutout while Kordell matched him in distance but not in command as he allowed 2 runners to plate and 8 total hits – still, a masterful performance from both hurlers. CF Jason Bland’s solo shot in the top of the 2nd would prove to be the game-winner here, and Tony Voorhis’ solo shot in the top of the 3rd gave them all the cushion they’d need (not that they’d need any at all)… The blonde bombshell survived this scene – we’ve had some conflict here, she’s not 100%, but the audience, who’ve fallen for this charade hook, line & sinker are starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, she’ll survive this horror film after all…

Elsewhere: Palmer Parker (PHI) went 5 for 5 with a 3-run DING DONG for the 76ers in their 10-8 loss against the San Francisco Seals – hate to see an effort that complete go wasted, but, on the bright side, San Fran’s ability to come back from nearly being no-hit gives me hope that my club, despite all its deficiencies and short-comings, can actually win the rubber match against Phoenix tomorrow night.

Also, elsewhere: Cullen Craig has always considered himself to be patriotic. However, few expected him to take his love of country to this level. At the end of the season, the Miami reliever will put his baseball career on hold indefinitely in order to join the U.S. Space Force. The upcoming free agent says he made his decision after spending time volunteering recently at a veterans' hospital. "I love the game of baseball, but ultimately it's just a game. Those guys at the V.A. hospital reminded me how important it is to put your country first. I've just decided it's time to answer the call." Kid’s a stud – he’ll be missed, but good on him for following his dream to serve his country. And, yes, I edited the branch - not because I wanted to, because I had to. I mean, c'mon, it's 2079 in Strangeverse.

99 of 162: Josh Allen (5-9, 4.86) @ Thomas Deane (6-7, 4.85)
Loss, 3-2. There are three classic blunders - the first is never get involved in a land war in Asia, the second is never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line, and the third is never bet on the blonde bombshell to survive a slasher flick… here, like the blonde bombshell, we met our fate late in the show – in the top of the 15th to be exact, when Rex Engelstad hit a solo dinger that would prove to be our undoing. All those poor, mind-numbing decisions, and all that useless nudity… wasted. Homer Wingard, the guy we got for Rex, did go 3 for 7 with 2 RBIs and a run, but Big Rex had the last laugh and the Phoenix Suns get to ride off into the sunset as they head off to Brooklyn to raze their ballpark and plunder their treasure. I’m trying to avoid the loser's mindset, to push back the small modicum of pride I feel at winning at least one of these three game – we’ll need to push past that mentality, learn to expect more from ourselves, from each other, and start putting it on clubs with some ferocity when they come to our house.

[pauwoo]

Miami United (49-50, .495, 4th NL East) @ San Diego Chargers (48-49, .495, 3rd NL West)
It takes nearly 6 hours to reach San Diego from Miami by plane… six long hours with nothing to do but watch old Office re-runs and think about all the things that Yan and I still need to accomplish if we are to turn this thing into a winner. Our most immediate concern is power – we have none, we’re mired in the stone ages relying on the sun for light and heat – unable to generate it for ourselves. The problem is that there is not a lot of power available for a price we can afford. We’ve brought in a couple of guys prior to this trip – LF Verne Morey and 3B Reuben Johnson. Neither one is an everyday guy, but, if all goes according to plan, they’ll provide us with a little bit of pop off the bench when we need it. Interesting side note… San Diego is +7 against the Pythagorean. The next closest team is the Golden State Warriors at +5 – that house of cards will get scattered in the wind soon enough.

100 of 162: Lucas Brandt (4-6, 3.23) @ Peter Garcia (5-9, 4.92)
Loss, 9-2. Look, getting beat, by pretty much anyone, isn’t really the most surprising result – but, getting crushed like this – well, I didn’t expect us to come out so soft and limp. I’d like to blame it on the beach, on our guys getting caught up in the allure of paradise – but, I can’t… because we’re from paradise and we haven’t been in this one long enough to cause any grief for ourselves. Instead, I’ll just chalk this one up to being unprepared and woefully unmotivated. We just can’t lose like this to a club like San Diego… it undermines the wolf tickets we’re trying to sell to our fans in Miami.

101 of 162: Rad Taylor (2-1, 4.68) @ Cason Torres (14-3, 3.76)
Loss, 5-4. Rad pitched well, again, in giving us an 8 inning, 6-hit, and 2 earned run performance… but, just like last time he took the mound, our bullpen failed him in this one. CL Harvey Allen gave up 2 runs in the bottom of the 9th and Danny Switzer, pitching in the bottom of the 11th, gave up a run-scoring sacrifice fly to Cash Crouch, who we sent their way prior to this series for LF Verne Morey… So, Cash ruled everything around us in the end and Verne didn’t play. Kyle Weaver went 3 for 5 with 2 RBIs and Anaconda drove one in on a double.

Elsewhere: The Cowboys’ Burton Darden, heir to the restaurant empire, went 4 for 4 with 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, and 2 runs in Dallas’s 9-7 loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Jo Jo Jackson went 0 for 4 during the game but only struck out once. LA’s (Kings not Cosmonauts) SP Aiden Jensen pitched a gem against the Steelers – he gave the Kings 8 strong ones while allowing only 1 runner to score on 7 total hits… he also fanned 10 Pittsburgh batsmen. Houston’s Pete Taylor, Rad’s estranged half-brother, was suspended for 6-games as a result of his part in a fracas in Philadelphia. The bench-clearing brawl was the result of an intentional beanball hucked by Taylor. Patricio Sanchez folded him up like a lawn chair during the melee – hardly seems fair that Pete has to miss 6-games (1 start) after getting worked over on regional television.

102 of 162: Radoslav Borovsky (7-5, 3.04) @ Artyom Fadeyev (3-10, 6.97)
Loss, 13-1. Wow. I don’t know what to say about this one. We got crushed like the can that we are here – swept out of San Diego like yesterday’s trash… Fadeyev accomplished the curious task of pitching a complete, 1-run game where he allowed only 4 total hits while not striking a single batter out – awkward, Boogie Barnett, the future of our league, went 2 for 5 with a 2-run dinger and 2 runs of his own, and Rich Morgan went 3 for 4 with 2 jacks, 6 riblets, and 3 runs in the win. Our pitching continued its abysmal showing – 5 earned for Radoslav, 5 more for Sebastian Sibley in relief, and three late runs were charged to Cullen Craig’s permanent record before this one was in the books. We really gave a poor account of ourselves in San Diego – looking forward to boarding that plane to Miami, taking a day off, and then getting back at it against a visiting Brooklyn club that we’ve had some good success against so far in 2079.

Elsewhere: RF King Disney went 3 for 3 with 2 dingers, 3 RBIs, and 4 runs in the Austin Grackles 12-0 win over the Salem Silverbacks. The amazingly named King Disney is a product of Villanova, was drafted 115th overall by the Dallas Cowboys in ‘76, and, after nearly 4 seasons languishing in the minors, may be ready to make the jump to the big time.

Note: After being unceremoniously swept to the side by the San Diego Chargers, your Miami Flim Flam’s are ranked 20th on the weekly power ranking… we’re finding ways to experience new depths of despair. Bright side? There are four other teams that suck more than we do.

[pauwoo]

Brooklyn Citizens (49-49, .500, 4th NL East) @ Miami United (49-53, .480, 5th NL East)
After an 0-5 start in July, Brooklyn has been on a roll winning 12 of their last 15, including a 4-game sweep over Montreal and a 3-game sweep over the North Stars. Their offense is clicking – 4th in runs scored, 7th in OBP, and 2nd in HRs – and their pitching has, finally, started to come around with Merl and Krebs looking like they’ve recaptured a bit of their championship-winning 2078 form. If the Citizens were a luxury car in 2078, something like an Audi A8, then this year's model is a Subaru… nothing fancy and certainly not the envy of the other motorists, but it’ll get you where you need to go, has a sturdy 4-wheel drive for any potential challenging road conditions, and, despite having 200K miles on its motor, will turn over without fail. Despite their owners’ best efforts, what remains of the Brooklyn Citizens is a solidly constructed core that runs it slow & steady, and sometimes, when their opponents aren’t looking, wins the race. We’ve been good against these guys, 9-3 on the year, and look to give our hometown fans a repeat of those winning performances here, but I can’t help but worry that given their current form and our lack thereof, we may be in for a reckoning.

103 of 162: Merl Crawford (7-8, 3.84) @ Kordell Littles (5-9, 4.63)
Win, 4-0. Kordell gave us 6.1 innings of shutout baseball before handing it off to our, recently, leaky bullpen who, despite what their recent history would forecast, preserved the shutout for our club. Well, at least one of them did – RP Tom Rodriguez gave us 2.2 innings of shutout baseball, allowing just one hit and fanning one batter during the outing. Homer Wingard drew 3 walks and hit an RBI double, Kyle Weaver brought in two runs on a double of his own in the 6th, and Magee stole his 32nd bag. After getting summarily dismissed by the Chargers in San Diego, it’s nice to be at home against a club whose number we have in our front pocket at all times… at least that’s what it feels like when we lock horns with these guys.

Elsewhere: Something about San Diego has brought Cash Crouch back to life. After struggling during his time with United, he’s been on something of a hot streak in a Chargers kit. He finished tonight’s 11-3 win over the Minnesota North Stars with a 4 for 4 performance that included a double, a homer, 5 RBIs and 3 runs. I’m starting to feel like San Diego got the best of that trade – I mean, our skipper hasn’t even played the guy we got for him yet…

104 of 162: Cam Murphy (9-7, 3.41) @ Thomas Deane (6-7, 4.74)
Loss, 8-5. The Ballad of Thomas Deane continues to play itself out in sorrowful tones and depressing lyrics… like a Nick Cave cut at his most introspective – you’re getting quality, sure, just don’t expect your spirit to be lifted as you flip the LP over to its B-Side. Deane went 6 innings and only gave up two runs, he left us in a position to win – but, and this is starting to become a huge problem, our leaky pen continued to neatly illustrate its untenable seaworthiness. T-Rod, so magical for us last night, got shelled for 4 runs, and, unfortunately, our skippers hearing problems kept him from hearing the air raid sirens until it was too late. 2B Len Iovino, who came over as part of the Cash Crouch trade, went 2 for 4 with 2 RBIs and a run. Homer Wingard struck out 3 times (I need to dump this guy – like, now), and Magee showed off his wheels again with another steal, his 33rd of the season.

105 of 162: Dylan Tuyay (8-9, 5.21) @ Murray Wagner (4-4, 2.79)
Win, 8-7. We win the rubber match in extras on a run-scoring walk drawn by Kyle Weaver – got to hand it to the kid for finding a way to win and doing it in the most anti-climactic way possible… a bases-loaded walk in the bottom of the 11th. Our Skipper decided to experiment with using a reliever as an opener – it backfired as Murray Wagner gave up 6 runs in the top of the 1st and failed to even make it out of the inning – that should have cost us the win, but baseball has a funny way of sorting these kinds of things out. Magee went 3 for 3 with 2 homers, both solo shots, and 4 runs, Kyle Weaver went 4 for 5 with a 2-run double and his legendary bases-loaded walk in the bottom of the 11th, and Scharmer, back from injury, drove two runners in.

Elsewhere: Otto Isaac, back after a nearly 2-year absence, got his first rehab start with the Compton Raiders today – he went 1 for 4 with a run. He’s not all the way back, obviously, but it was nice to see him get a hit in his first game back and it was even better seeing that he’s put most of his weight back on. Also, Early Felger, who we’ve sent back down to Triple-A despite his solid showing on the big club, went 4 for 5 with a double, a homer, 3 RBIs and 4 runs in Havana’s 9-1 win over the Cincinnati Bengals.

[pauwoo]

Montreal Wanderers (47-55, .461, 6th NL East) @ Miami United (51-54, .486, 5th NL East)
The Wanderers hit bombs – they’re rated 5th in that category and flex a roster that has four batsmen in double digits already with a 5th that isn’t far behind. From #2 through #5 in their order, every guy, down to a man, can take you yard. The only problem with them is that outside of going yard, they don’t do much else of value – 11th in runs scored, average, OBP, OPS, and wOBA… who knows what these guys could do if they got on base with any regularity and then, once there, if they had even a single set of wheels amongst themselves who knows how much damage they could do on the base path. That they pair their feast or famine offense with a crackerjack staff is enough to give me fits – sure, they’re last in the NL East, but if you give them an inch, as my club so generously likes to do, they’ll take a kilometer, convert it back to the Imperial System, and run up the scoreboard like they got the multiball on G N’ R’s pinball machine and are scoring jackpot points while ‘Nightrain’ plays in the background. We’ll do our best to load the field with dead bumpers here and, hopefully, will secure another series victory before we head into an August that is likely to be as heavy on travel as it is light on wins.

106 of 162: Joseph Grace (6-8, 5.68) @ Lucas Brandt (4-7, 3.52)
Win, 7-3. Montreal managed to put two balls out of the park – both in the top of the 4th and both against our starter, Lucas Brandt, who weathered the storm en route to a 7 inning, 5 hit, 3 run effort for us in the win. SS Austin Eicher went 3 for 3 with a double and a run, Homer & Anaconda put up identical 2 for 4 lines with each scoring one and driving another in, and we got both a SAC FLY and SAC BUNT. Brandt did his best to combat the Wanderers' superior launch angles by attacking the zone, and, outside of Archie & Harlem’s bombs, gave a good enough account of himself to will us to victory. That’s two in a row… hopefully, we can build a little something before turning the page on July.

Elsewhere: The Los Angeles Kings, or, more specifically, Megan Appel, traded 3B Pepper Grant to the L.A. Galaxy along with prospect CL Jack St. Germain for CL Don Haag… I don’t get it. They already had a pretty good closer in Justin Esson and Pepper is an institution in the Purple & Gold.

It kind of hurts your eyes, doesn’t it?


107 of 162: Dylan Bauer (6-7, 4.69) @ Radoslav Borovsky (7-6, 3.28)
Loss, 7-0. Yikes. Montreal put up two more dingers in this one, DJ Wilders hit his 10th to become the 5th player on their roster to have 10 or more jacks, and Nehemiah Jenkins hit a 3-run blast in the top of the 2nd off our starter, Radoslav. We could only eke out 5 total hits, none of which were of the EBH variety, and stood helpless in the field as the Wanderers attacked us like Johannes Ostermeier attacks a widebody Twilight Zone machine at an IFPA tournament. Montreal was out here running up the score on us today while our guys thought we were supposed to be playing Dig Dug.

Elsewhere: Jo Jo Jackson hit two dingers during the Cowboys’ 7-6 loss against the Vancouver Giants. His total now sits at 28 on the year, which puts him in a two-way tie for 2nd place with Aitor Cubas. And, given that Tom Franzone recently had a rehab setback, it’s safe to say that we are likely to see a new HR King at the end of 2079… who will it be? The well-rounded Aitor Cubas or the free-spirited, and free-swinging, Jo Jo who currently leads the league in K’s by a whopping 21…

108 of 162: Julen Morales (6-8, 3.94) @ Rad Taylor (2-1, 4.20)
Win, 8-1. Rad had a breakthrough performance – a complete game, 5-hit, 1-run game with 7 K’s, Homer Wingard hit a GRAND SLAM in the bottom of the 3rd, and Magee Ives went 2 for 5 with an RBI and 3 runs. We’d also get a SAC FLY from Anaconda, 2 swiped bags from Magee, and 3 tasty double plays. We win the rubber match, have now won two straight series and managed to navigate this one without allowing a single Montreal home run.

Elsewhere: Pepper Grant, in his first action for the Galaxy, went 1 for 3, with a 3-run homer (off of Brisky) and a walk in LA’s 8-1 win over the Golden State Warriors… the Legend of Pepper is still being written, it seems. SP David Arney allowed one run and retired 16 batters by strikeout for Los Angeles in the game.

[pauwoo]

Miami United (53-55, .491, 4th NL East) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (57-48, .543, 1st NL East)
We will play 19 of the 25 games we have scheduled in August on the road and, when we do finally make it home mid-month, we’ll be welcoming the Golden State Warriors to town. This month could be a tough one – four of the seven clubs we’ll lock horns with have a winning record, two of the remaining three are ranked above us, and then there is Montreal. Starting with a 2-game quickie in Pittsburgh, who are currently ranked 1st in the NL East by 1 ½ games, we’ll have a chance to get off on the good foot. We’re 8-4 in head-to-head matchups so far this year and with Tom Franzone out for 4 more weeks, this injury-depleted version of the Steelers should put up even less resistance than normal. We’re both 4-6 in our last 10, we’re coming off a win (over Montreal), and they’re coming off a loss (to Philadelphia) … the timing looks right, I feel good about our chances here. Well, maybe good isn’t the right word, I feel okay about our chances – on paper Pittsburgh is our superior in every demonstratable way – they are ranked no lower than 8th in any single statistical category (runs scored, stolen bases, base running) and have one of the best pitching staffs in the National League while we are in double digits nearly everywhere and are particularly bad offensively. Great pitching versus a lineup that is as impatient as it is power-starved… this looks like a recipe for disaster.

109 of 162: Kordell Littles (6-9, 4.37) @ Gregory Morgan (10-8, 4.57)
Loss, 6-2. Morgan registered 7 K’s and only allowed two runs in 7 innings of work and a Tad Monroe, 2-run double in the bottom of the 2nd followed by a solo dinger for Remildo Puente did just enough damage to put the Steelers up for good in this one. Our offense continued to sputter, we managed to crack 10 hits, but only two were doubles, we still left 7 runners on, and outside of Kyle Weaver’s SAC FLY, everyone seemed to be batting for themselves, as if to try and pad their individual stats instead of staying within the game plan. This is frustrating, an exercise in futility… it’ll be a miracle if Elvira keeps me around at the end of the season – I hope she does, I like my houseboat.

Elsewhere: It’s been a tough campaign in 2079 for Ethan Mullens. He signed with Seattle in the offseason, finally stepping out of Otto’s sizable shadow, and suffered an injury that kept him out of action for a month and a half three days into the season. Well, if tonight was any indication, he’s back on form, finally, and ready to make his mark – he went 3 for 4 with a two-bagger, 2 dingers, 4 RBIs, and 2 runs in Seattle’s hard-fought 8-7 win over the Golden State Warriors. Frodo Gonzales secured the win for Seattle in the top of the 13th on a run-scoring single – it was his only hit in 6 attempts for the game.



110 of 162: Thomas Deane (6-7, 4.64) @ Beau Skrivan (4-5, 3.29)
Loss, 9-1. Thomas Deane only retired one batter in the bottom of the 1st. One. He also allowed 7 hits, 8 runs, and a walk during that frame – it was so bad that we had to put Rad on in relief (he, by the way, did swimmingly – 4.2 innings, 6 hits, 3 K’s, and nothing else). We’re the victims of a mini-sweep, were outscored 15-3 on aggregate, and leave town having been thoroughly dismantled by the Steelers.

This is going to be a rough slog through August…

[BirdWatcher]

Okay, I really am going to try getting back to just commenting on the baseball here, but you dropped that Nick Cave reference, so couldn't let that one go by. (Given that I was listening to Ghosteen and Skeleton Tree shortly before reading this.)
Is Ghosteen amazing or what? I loved Push the Sky Away, was then blown away by Skeleton Tree, and never imagined he/they could take it to another level, but Ghosteen does. (I'm a huge fan of Warren Ellis' contributions also.)

So I guess what I'm saying is, Thomas Deane sounds like my kind of guy, morose and soulful with undertones of even more disaster coming around the next bend.

[pauwoo]

Is Ghosteen amazing or what? I loved Push the Sky Away, was then blown away by Skeleton Tree, and never imagined he/they could take it to another level, but Ghosteen does.

Yes, I totally agree – Ghosteen is a formidable achievement and, along with the National’s ‘I’m Easy to Find’, is one of the best I’ve heard in 2019. The closing track, ‘Hollywood’, while long, is really something special.

Miami United (53-57, .482, 4th NL East) @ St. Louis Rams (58-51, .532, 3rd NL East)
Ours is the only division where 3 clubs are still locked in a fight for the divisional crown. That’s not to say that a club that is currently 8+ games off the pace couldn’t suddenly break out into a full sprint and eventually lay claim to a wildcard spot, or better – there is, after all, plenty of runway left. It’s just that the likelihood of us closing the 5 ½ game gap between us and St. Louis is unlikely – our Hoka’s are in a state of disrepair, our cardio is suspect, and our sprint would look like a vigorous jog to the untrained eye. The Rams boast a top tier offense that, while light on pop, can get on base, wreak havoc on the base paths, and score. Their starters leave a bit to be desired, sure, and while they are, so far in 2079, operating at a clip a few ticks below average, their bullpen makes up for it more often than not. In short, if their starter leaves with a lead, the likelihood that you’ll get it back sits somewhere between slim and none. Still, we’ve played them tough so far – we’re 5-6 head-to-head – and will look to dig just deep enough to stay in these games and to give ourselves a chance to win. Given our history here, and that each of our clubs is on poor form (we’re 4-6 for our last 10, they’re 5-5 over that same stretch), this could be a competitive series – a betting man’s coin toss. We’re calling heads, or, if St. Louis prefers a friendly game of Rochambeau we will throw rock, rock, paper – in that order – and hope for the best.

111 of 162: Radoslav Borovsky (7-7, 3.48) @ David Ouwerkerk (5-7, 5.29)
Win, 14-4. I lied – we went scissors and cut through their paper with a ruthless efficiency – Radoslav allowed 3 runs and struck out 7 over 7 innings of work, Verne Morey, a throw-in piece in the Cash Crouch trade with San Diego, went 2 for 4 with a GRAND SLAM in the tops of the 4th to put a lid on what would be a 9-run inning for us, and Kyle Weaver went 4 for 5 with 2 doubles, 2 RBIs, and a run. Anaconda registered 3 RBIs, we hit five doubles as a team, got a SAC FLY, and Magee stole his 38th bag on the year… 14 runs are the most we’ve scored in a game so far in 2079 – our previous high of 13 has been accomplished three times… in wins over Dallas, Brooklyn, and Pittsburgh. We’ve now scored 13 or more runs on 3 of our 5 divisional opponents.

Elsewhere: I’m sure this happens often in the Bush League, it’s just that it’s not, to my knowledge, happened to any of the players I’ve tracked down there – but, Angry Eloy, the current BL HR leader, was traded to the Mississippi Hound Dogs by the Decatur Donnybrooks. This is good news for him as it looks like the Tupelo-based Hound Dogs are a lock to make the playoffs while Decatur has less than a snowball’s chance in hell to make a postseason appearance in 2079.

112 of 162: Murray Wagner (4-4, 3.92) @ Cosmo Puente (7-10, 4.86)
Loss, 4-2. Murray Wagner had an okay showing – 4 earned, 6 K’s and 3 BB’s over 8 innings pitched, but our offense was befuddled by Cosmo who gave up one run (plus another unearned) in 7 innings of work and their bullpen locked us down over the final two frames. We just couldn’t get much going in this one – 10 hits, all singles, no steal attempts, 8 LOB… I mean, whatever. This was a pretty ho-hum effort from the Flim Flams. Standing still and looking pretty may work for Flamingos at the zoo, but, out here, in the wild, we need to be frantically searching for enough shellfish to keep our belly’s full.

113 of 162: Thomas Deane (6-8, 5.26) @ Gunner Amorese (5-2, 3.54)
Win, 5-4. We got 6 innings out of Deane – he gave up all 4 of the runs that St. Louis scored, but, because we did our work early here, he gets the win… a 5-run top of the 3rd did the trick for us, we got homers from Anaconda and Wingard, three doubles (including Weaver’s 25th of the year), and even turned two perfectly executed double plays. This was surely a better effort than our last game – but, in keeping with my earlier prediction, was every bit the coin toss I’d thought these games would be – I guess, sometimes, IT IS better to be lucky than good.

Elsewhere: With Otto nearly done with his rehab assignment, it’s back to business as usual in the CITY OF COMPTON… which means that it’s officially back to being KIRK JOHNSON TIME! Your boy went 3 for 5 with a double and 5 RBIs in Compton’s 7-4 win over the Cincinnati Bengals. The game was contested in Ohio, and, given that there is a limit to the kind of trouble you can scare up in Cincy, local media was unable to dig up any dirt to add to the fire for Kirk here…