The Fantastic Baseball League - Season I

[Celtic Forever]

Nightmares 1-3 Crabs – A good outing from Riverbottom SP Mickey Fine wasn’t quite enough to subdue Harbour Bay today at The Crab Cage. Crab SP Pebbles Peete gave up 8 hits but only a single run as she went the whole way in picking up the win. Each side gained a run in the 1st frame off an RBI groundout, then that was all she wrote until the 5th, when Riverbottom's catcher tried to pick off RF Buckethead Bramble (.290,3,20, 29SB) at 1st, only to knock out someone in the stands with a terrible throw. Bramble came around to score what proved the winning run. W: Pebbles Peete (2-4, 4.70); L: Mickey Fine (5-4, 3.95); PoG: Pebbles Peete (9IP, 8H, 1R, 1BB, 2K)

All Stars 3-5 Kin – Quite the drama today at Kinfolk Korner, as Citypark Mgr/3B Snuggles Henderson (.333,2,20) voluntarily de-powered her ‘Power Company’ duo of LF Billy Metro (.369,9,31)and CF DJ Jazzy Twan(.229,9,25) by assigning Metro to the bench following a pre-game row. Metro, whose perceived jealousy of Twan as a home run-rival diva has led him to repeatedly ignore Henderson’s commands to bunt in certain key situations - particularly when Twan was on base – has openly criticized Henderson’s leadership abilities in the press, and today the tension all came to a head.

As to the game, Citypark started well with Snuggles’ RBI single in the 1st, followed by reserve 2B Paige Turner’s (.311,0,7) 2-run single in the 3rd, as the All Stars established a 3-0 advantage. Alas, ever-suspect SP Suzy Q Perkins couldn’t hold off the Kin forever, and Bumpkindale broke through in the middle innings for 5 runs that would decide the outcome – the go-ahead run coming off C Priscilla Paine’s (.289,7,24) solo shot in the 5th.

Would having the full ‘Power Company’ have made a difference for Citypark? As Henderson grounded out to end the game, pictures snapped of a smirking Metro on the bench suggest that as far as he is concerned, the answer is a resounding ‘Yes’. W: Cueball Smith (3-6, 5.20); L: Suzy Q Perkins (5-1, 5.72); S: Wags Coughlin (9, 3.29); PoG: CIT C Merry Patterson (4/5, 2R, 2B, 3B)

Hollers 4-2 Burners – Well, friends, the juggernaut continues to roll on, and there are concerns on the part of Commish Buddy Baker that the second half of this here season may prove as dramatic as a San Diego weather bulletin. After 6 scoreless innings, Piggville broke through against SP Trix Galore on a 3-run double from 2B Copper Wade (.316,3,28) and a follow-up RBI single from SP Babe Appleby (.156,0,3). For the few diehards remaining, a 9th inning double by RF Y.I. Otta (.224,0,4) off iffy-CL Saucy Smothers drew Salemwich to within 4-2, but the rally tamely petered out after that. W: Babe Appleby (9-1, 2.33); L: Trix Galore (3-5, 4.66); S: Saucy Smothers (3, 4.32); PoG: Babe Appleby (8IP, 7H, 1R, 0BB, 3K)

Bullies 5-7 Blues – Village exploded for 4 runs right off the bat on the back of a 2-run triple from reserve 1B Frankie Four-Eyes (.267,0,6), and CF Oh-Yoo Suk (.265,0,8) stroked a key RBI single in the 7th as the Villagers held off Grimside today at The Village Green. Bully reserve RF Cherry Berry (.233,1,5) swatted a big 3-run shot in the top of the 9th to make matters a bit interesting late – perhaps a little too interesting. There was some grumbling in the West Village clubhouse that RP Miggy McIver might have been intentionally trying to tighten the score up so as to earn herself a save. Hmmm … W: Kid Ferdinand (4-6, 4.40); L: Holy Hale (4-5, 4.14); PoG: GRI RF Cherry Berry (2/4, 1R, 3RBI, HR)

[Celtic Forever]

Hollers 8-3 Burners – Piggville delivered a knockout blow early today, scoring 8 runs in the opening two frames to cruise to another victory. LF Cale Christianson (.340,1,30) was 3-for-5 with 2 RBI and 3B Bossie Clementine (.227,2,12) smacked a 3-run double to lead the effort. W: Prissy Puddin (7-2, 1.94); L: Cutie Capers (1-5, 5.31); PoG: SAL RF Y.I. Otta (3/4, 2R, 2RBI, HR)

All Stars 9-8 Kin – Citypark problem child LF Billy Metro (.366,9,32) was re-installed in the lineup to a chorus of boos, which turned to cheers when he grounded into a double play in the 5th. Metro did have an RBI single, but was outshone by Mgr/3B Snuggles Henderson (.345,2,23), who collected 3 doubles and 3 RBI on the day, including a huge 2-run double-bagger that put Citypark ahead 8-7 in the 6th. RF Groucho Romario (.283,2,16) brought in the ultimate winning run with a sac fly in the 7th. For the record, DJ Jazzy Twan (.226,9,25) was walked 3 times, and was Metro asked to bunt him over? Nope, not once. W: Dooley McCooley (3-5, 5.21); L: Hambone Helgersson (5-3, 6.04); PoG: Snuggles Henderson (3/4, 2R, 3RBI, 3 2Bs)

Nightmares 1-4 Crabs – Aside from a solo shot conceded to Riverbottom’s RF Pepper Dotson (.331,8,34), SP Big Nate Wimmer was superb today, allowing just 2 base hits over the entire 9 frames en route to winning his second start in a row. Crab RF Buckethead Bramble (.306,3,21,30 SB), perhaps galvanized by his showdown with rival speedburner CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.295,2,10, 30 SB), went 4-for-5, stole a base and scored twice. Snooty kept pace by thieving 2 bases of her own. W: Big Nate Wimmer (3-2, 4.70); L: Blooey Blackman (2-4, 3.44); PoG: Big Nate Wimmer (9IP, 2H, 1R, 4BB, 4K)

Bullies 6-13 Blues – A massive 8-run, 7th inning broadside from West Village put paid to any hopes Grimside had of winning this one, as SP Margarita Lime and RP Max Dout were absolutely routed from the field. Recent transfer C Huey McBlooey (.500,2,11) had 2 doubles that plated 2, and 1B Lanky Longfellow (.285,1,20) drove in 3 himself to account for most of the damage. McBlooey and CF Oh-Yoo Suk (.285,0,10) each hit safely 4 times in 5. W: Hairbow Haley (5-3, 3.79); L: Margarita Lime (4-5, 5.53); PoG: Huey McBlooey (4/5, 2R, 2RBI, 2 2Bs)

[Celtic Forever]

Hollers 10-8 Burners – A heartbreaking loss for Salemwich today, as they jumped out to a big 8-2 lead – thanks to a grand slam from 37 year-old RF Y.I. Otta (.298,2,10) – in the 3rd, only to wee it away over the course of the final 4 frames. Six Piggy hits in the top of the 6th produced 5 runs, and another 4 safeties in the top of the 8th brought in 2 more. That proved enough for RP Blondie Ferguson, who issued only a walk in 3 otherwise perfect innings of relief. W: Blondie Ferguson (2-1, 3.08); L: Disco Davison (1-2, 6.33); PoG: Y.I. Otta (3/4, 2R, 4RBI, 2B, HR)

All Stars 3-5 Kin – Citypark LF Billy Metro (.377,9,32) went 3-for-4 to a chorus of boos, especially when he gave up on a lackluster attempt to bunt over CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.221,9,25) and instead ripped a double to left center. His batsmanship was overshadowed by hometowner RF Thumby Holt (.339,1,24), however, as she belted a grand slam to give the Kin a 5-2 lead in the 5th. Citypark’s guns effectively went silent after that. W: Katie Currant (3-2, 4.78); L: Bully Moe (3-4, 5.93); PoG: Thumby Holt (3/4, 2R, 4RBI, 2B, HR)

Nightmares 7-4 Crabs – Mgr/CL Al Good really blew it, inheriting a 4-3 lead in the top of the 9th and promptly ole–ing 4 runs across for the visiting Nighties. Riverbottom SS Crazy Sara Seine (.246,2,17) delivered a critical 2-run single in the frame that crushed Good’s efforts. Teammate 1B Wally Walleye (.257,0,22) scored 4 times, setting a club single-game record. W: Johnny Doe (3-6, 6.22); L: Al Good (3-3, 5.01); PoG: HB C Boobsy Daniels (2/3, 2R, 1RBI, HR)

Bullies 8-1 Blues – 3B Aggie McDaddy (.279,3,20) slammed two homers and 1B Princess Patsy (.330,2,23) cracked a 2-run double as Grimside cruised by spot-starter Freckles Fairaway today at The Village Green. 27 year-old Fairaway has done little to convince manager August Brown that he is capable of performing at the FBL level – or anyone else, for that matter. Not that anyone would have had much luck today against Bully SP Nacho Daddy, who carried a 3-hit shutout through 7 in winning his first start since a lone loss on May 4, against Bumpkindale. W: Nacho Daddy (4-1, 4.31); L: Freckles Fairaway (0-3, 11.90); PoG: Aggie McDaddy (3/4, 2R, 3RBI, 2 HRs)

[Celtic Forever]

Crabs 3-2 Hollers [12 inn] – A superb 1-1 draw was broken up by Harbour Bay 1B Rip Ripperson’s (.272,4,36) 11th inning RBI single, only to be tied back up on Piggville 1B Tuck Thompson’s (.389,9,29) 9th dinger of the year - deep, deep, deep over the rightfield wall. Credit CL Al Good with a 2nd consecutive blown save – his 4th overall. Harbour Bay responded immediately in the 12th, CF Scooter Dane (.301,1,23) lacing a single past an outstretched Thompson to plate SS Snooker Davies. Al Good – Bay’s manager, incidentally – left himself in the game, which looked an awful decision when he gave up a 1-out double to 2B Copper Wade (.322,3,32). Crab teeth unclenched as he induced two successive groundouts, however, to end a tense affair at The Pig Pen. W: Al Good (4-3, 4.98); L: Ox McBiggers (0-2, 4.63); PoG: PIG SP Coonskin Tate (10 IP, 6H, 1R, 2BB, 3K)

Nightmares 8-6 Bullies [12 inn] – Riverbottom thought they were safe when they exploded for 4 runs right off the ‘bat’ (snicker) – reserve 1B Curtis Cool (.481,0,4) and 2B Wally Walleye (.268,0,23) delivering RBI hits. Grimside peppered Nightie SP Pasta Pepitone with a series of RBI singles in the 3rd and 4th, however, and matters entered extra stanzas knotted at 5. In the 12th, Riverbottom erupted again, CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.297,3,13) dumping a 3-run homer over the boards in left off inept RP Groovy Barnes. Bully 2B Unstoppable Bob (.306,0,7) did manage to plate C April Mae June via a groundout, but that was the extent of Grimside’s reply. W: Zippo Cook (1-0, 4.24); L: Groovy Barnes (1-4, 8.38); PoG: CF Snooty Rotheschilde (2/6, 2R, 3RBI, HR)

Blues 3-1 All Stars – Village SP Cathy DuShoppe rebounded from 3 consecutive losses to shut down the ‘Power Company’ today at Big City Ballpark. Dreaded Citypark duo CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.222,9,25) and LF Billy Metro (.366,9,32) went a combined 1-for-8 and left 7 runners stranded between them to leave a home crowd of 7,700 shaking their heads. The Blues got a lift from C Huey McBlooey (.477,3,12), who knocked a 2nd inning pitch from SP Cal Hobbes just over the leftfield boards to ignite the offense. The 31 year-old McBlooey has blossomed in his starting role with West Village since his transfer from Harbour Bay on May 8, going 11-for-19 out of the 3 spot. W: Cathy DuShoppe (5-5, 3.36); L: Cal Hobbes (3-7, 4.60); Heck Martin (8, 2.84); PoG: Cathy DuShoppe (8.1IP, 8H, 1R, 2BB, 7K)

Kin 3-4 Burners – A 6th inning double from Salemwich CF Muscles Mason (.283,3,20) scored reserve SS Braniac Hayes to provide the difference today at Salem Centre. Mason also plated 2 in the 4th with a single up the middle as the Old Towners built up a 3-0 lead. Bumpkindale SP Cowlick Blum continued his starter’s trend of loss-win by dropping the decision, though he did set a personal best with 8 strikeouts. W: Frowny Malloy (6-4, 3.66); L: Cowlick Blum (2-3, 4.05); S: Pippi Long (4, 3.50); PoG: Muscles Mason (2/5, 3RBI)

Now Hear This: Nightmares Send GOODE to Citypark
The Nightmares and All Stars confirmed this afternoon that a trade had been agreed upon. In the deal, Riverbottom will get 26-year old reliever ZIPPO COOK (1-0, 4.24, 1SV) and a minor league first baseman, while Citypark will receive 40-year old left fielder ELLA GOODE and a minor league reliever. This year GOODE has no home runs and a .344 batting average.

Piggville, Bumpkindale Make Trade
Piggville and Bumpkindale have agreed in principle to a trade. The Hollers will send 29-year old shortstop PINK PASTELLE to the Kin for 29-year old reliever DOT UREYE (1-2, 8.40) and a minor league shortstop. The deal is expected to be finalized shortly and the clubs will be introducing their new players to the press when the paperwork is complete. Currently PASTELLE has no home runs and a .220 batting average.

Thirsty Thursday Update
Provided you have your quarter ready, help yourself to a beer as we look at some previously-unreported pitcher stats. But first:

Standings: Piggville 31-10, Harbour Bay 9gb, Bumpkindale 10gb, Citypark 11gb, Riverbottom 12gb, Grimside 13gb, West Village 14gb, Salemwich 15gb.

Hit THIS, B***H! Hits per 9 IP: BUM Lute Strummer 7.41; PIG Coonskin Tate 7.44; PIG Prissy Puddin 7.63; PIG Babe Appleby 7.73; BUM Cowlick Blum 7.93

Take A Pass - BBs: GRI Margarita Lime 50; RIV Johnny Doe 45; BUM Hambone Helgersson 45; HB Dazzy Dandridge 44; HB Emma Queen 44

Opponent’s Average: PIG Coonskin Tate .223; BUM Lute Strummer .225; PIG Prissy Puddin .226; PIG Babe Appleby .235; BUM Cowlick Blum .235

[Celtic Forever]

Nightmares 4-7 Bullies – Bully CF Nick the Dick (.310,4,18) busted out a 3-run dinger and a 2-run double to lift the Grimsiders to victory today at Homeboy Field before 5,215. The win brought Grimside even with Riverbottom in the standings, and a 1/2 –game out of 4th place – slim consolation for a squad that started the season dreaming of a pennant. W: Holy Hale (5-5, 4.15); L: Mickey Fine (5-5, 4.33); S: Sugarlick Simpson (2, 6.35); PoG: Nick the Dick (2/4, 1R, 5RBI, 2B, HR)

Crabs 2-1 Hollers – Bay SP Pebbles Peete shut out the league leaders for 8 innings in a win today at The Pig Pen. Minimal support was all Peete required, and it was duly delivered by rookie C Toothbrush Terrigan, who went 4-for-4 with 2 RBI in his FBL debut. W: Pebbles Peete (3-4, 4.20); L: Babe Appleby (9-2, 2.30); S: Boner McGee (2, 4.50); PoG: Pebbles Peete (8IP, 4H, 0R, 3BB, 1K)

Blues 3-7 All Stars – Citypark rebounded from a 3-0 hole with a 6-run 5th, led by SS Babycakes Ramirez’ (.215,0,11) 3-run double and another RBI 2-bagger from recent Riverbottom transfer LF Ella Goode (.341,1,6), whom Mgr/3B Snuggles Henderson (.342,2,23) has installed in the leadoff spot. Henderson had a 2-RBI single herself to support SP Suzy Q Perkins, who has received an average of 7 runs of support per game in her 6 wins to date. W: Suzy Q Perkins (6-1, 5.49); L: Kid Ferdinand (4-7, 4.81); PoG: Babycakes Ramirez (2/4, 1R, 2RBI, 2 2Bs)

Kin 2-5 Burners – Salemwich SP Trix Galore carried a 2-hit shutout through 8 and won her 2nd complete-game shutout as the Burners dumped the Kin tonight at Salem Centre. Normal 2-slot man RF Tatty Pierce (.324,1,14) was installed at leadoff today, and apparently relished the role with a 2-for-4, 2 RBI performance. Teammate 2B Bucktooth Biggs (.264,1,13) – normally found 7th in the lineup – moved up to #2 and also responded well, going 3-for-5 and hitting his first homer of the year. W: Trix Galore (4-5, 4.38); L: Cueball Smith (3-7, 5.04); PoG: Trix Galore (9IP, 4H, 2R, 1BB, 3K)

[Picky]

Break up Piggville!

[Celtic Forever]

Crabs 7-14 Hollers – Harbour Bay’s staff were offered little in the way of mercy today as the Piggville IX completely routed them from the field. The Hollers tallied a 7-run 4th, battering SP Big Nate Wimmer into pudding and nearly batting around twice. 1B Tuck Thompson (.397,9,32) plated 3 runs off his 3 hits and has assumed command of the batting title race. Ol’ Tuck was aided by a resurgent 3B Bossie Clementine (.264,2,14), who drove in 2 off her 4 hits and dashed across the plate 3 times herself. She is now 8 for her last 18. W: Prissy Puddin (8-2, 2.02); L: Big Nate Wimmer (3-3, 5.62); PoG: Bossie Clementine (4/5, 3R, 2RBI, 2 2Bs)

Blues 1-2 All Stars – Citypark SP Dooley McCooley stunned the civilized world and France by shutting out West Village for 8 innings as the All Stars pipped the Villagers today at Big City Ballpark. The Blues actually outhit the All Stars 8 to 5, but Citypark had the one that mattered – 2B Big Ears Lathum’s (.358,4,37) 2-run shot to right-center that just scraped over the Duff Beer sign. W: Dooley McCooley (4-5, 4.70); L: Hairbow Haley (5-4, 3.64); S: Loopy Alice Otter (8, 3.07); PoG: Dooley McCooley 8IP, 7H, 0R, 2BB, 1K)

Nightmares 4-5 Bullies – Perched atop a 4-3 lead headed into the 9th, Riverbottom handed the ball to perfect CL Angel O’Hare, who promptly served a ball that Bully 3B Dumpy Doyle (.322,1,22) smacked for a 2-run single and victory. For Dumpy, a 30 year-old hick playing for a hard-bitten inner city club, it was a “little slice of heaven” to receive the adulations of a crowd that normally greets him with a snigger. For O’Hare, and angelic hardbody from the sunny beaches of Florida, it must have been a little slice of heck. W: Sugarlick Simpson (1-1, 5.84); L: Angel O’Hare (1-1, 1.13); S: Angry Karl Karlsson (5, 1.64); PoG: Dumpy Doyle (3/4, 1R, 2RBI, 2B, 3B)

Kin 5-3 Burners – Trailing 3-1 headed into the 6th inning, Bumpkindale scored 4 runs over the final 4 frames to surge past Salemwich tonight at Salem Centre. The key was the 7th inning, when RBI singles from 3B Killer Carp (.297,2,18) and CF Amy Earhart (.393,5,40) put the Kin ahead for good. That the Burners would be shut out by the likes of SP Hambone Helgersson, rookie RP Goldilocks Parker and Wags Coughlin came as a matter of great frustration to Salemwich manager Bombshell Harrison – no doubt made worse by the fact that she herself conceded the 5th run, coming out of the pen. W: Hambone Helgersson (6-3, 5.73); L: Cutie Capers (1-6, 5.30); S: Wags Coughlin (10, 3.07); PoG: Amy Earhart (3/5, 3RBI, 2 2Bs)

[Celtic Forever]

Sorry, some sort of crash caused the day’s box scores and logs to get scrambled, so we’ll have to give the beat reporters the day off. Here’s:

Your Sunday Supplement May 17

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	32	12	-	.292	263	2.98
Bumpkindale	23	21	9	.273	230	4.54
Citypark	23	21	9	.275	225	4.58
Harbour Bay	23	21	9	.285	254	4.90
Grimside	20	24	12	.274	221	4.76
Riverbottom	20	24	12	.280	214	4.09
West Village	18	26	14	.262	189	4.47
Salemwich	17	27	15	.272	184	5.02

PoW: WV C Huey McBlooey (14/25, 1HR, 5RBI)

AVG: PIG Tuck Thompson .401; BUM Amy Earhart .383; CIT Big Ears Lathum .355; CIT Billy Metro .353; PIG Spunk Williams .351

HR: RIV Pepper Dotson 9; CIT Billy Metro 9; PIG Tuck Thompson 9; CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 9

RBI: BUM Amy Earheart 40; HB Rip Ripperson 38; RIV Pepper Dotson 37; CIT Big Ears Lathum 37;

WINS: PIG Babe Appleby 9; PIG Prissy Puddin 8; HB Emma Queen 7; BUM Hambone Helgersson 6

ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 2.02; PIG Babe Appleby 2.30; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.65; BUM Lute Strummer 3.31; WV Cathy DuShoppe 3.36

K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 66; WV Kid Ferdinand 51; RIV Blooey Blackman 48; HB Big Nate Wimmer 45

Tout the Scout Presents: Stars of the Future

Friends, following is a list of the top talent available by position for the upcoming draft, to be held at the Big City Convention Center in 30 days’ time. Age appears following name, as does handedness (throwing for pitchers, batting for fielders).

SP: Lil Annie Fannie 17, R; Genius Jones 21, R; Hot Scott Jordan 20, R; Golly Molly 21, L; Loverboy McDaniels 21, R; Jackie Pow 17, L; Tweet Timmons 18, R; Astonishing Tompkins 21, R.

MR: Big Billy Blanchard 17, R; Betty Bunyon 21, R; Beany Cecil 20, R; Babe Darling 18, R; Speccy De Milo 20, R; Gen Hiroshima 17, L; Lurleen Hoople 18, R; M.J. Jackson 21, R; Lu Kang 17, R; Astro Nagoya 20, R; Tubby Slackjaw 20, R; Atomic Thomson 17, R; Farley Tibbits 17, R.

C: Binkley Simms 21, L; Pinky Brown 21, R; Bobby Believer 18, L; Emmy Lou Lemieux 21, R.

1B: Highlight Bobby Brown 17, L; Kelly Starr 17, R.

2B: Shred Davis 21, R; Harley Thatcher 20, R; Barnyard Briggs 21, L; LuAnne Bonkers 17, R, Boots Brannerd 19, R.

3B: Brooklyn York 21, R; Yank Strethers 17, R; Palomino Sue 21, R; Buster Bronco 21, R.

SS: Barney Power 21, S.

LF: Bucky LaRoux 22, R; Pepito Ruiz 18, R.

CF: Sailor Jack 21, R; Daisy Dukes 22, R

RF: Big Woody Jamison 22, L; Goofer McGee 18, L; Holly Honey 21, L; Bubbles McElroy 18, R; Hannah Hornrim 17, L; Blackie Blackwelder 19, R.

[Celtic Forever]

Kin 3-4 Crabs [11 inn] – Bay reserve 1B Jazz Belle (.429,0,2) singled between 3rd and short, driving home RF Buckethead Bramble (.292,4,26) with the game winner to end a white-knuckled affair at The Crab Cage today. Hill starters Lute Strummer and Emma Queen each dueled to a 2-hit 0-0 tie through 5 until Harbour Bay erupted for 3 runs in the 6th off Lute – Bramble, reserve LF Lucky Day (.308,0,3) and 3B Jenny Crush (.234,0,20) each striking an RBI single.

The Kin hit back next frame when CF Amy Earhart’s (.386,5,42) RBI double scored 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.341,8,31), then was plated herself off a SS Blip Jackson (.250,0,3) single. Earhart then tied the game at 3 in the 9th with a little ducksnort over short that scored LF Russ Parsons. On to the 11th, and Belle. W: Boner McGee (1-1, 4.50); L: Hambone Helgersson (6-4, 5.65); PoG: Amy Earhart (2/4, 1R, 2RBI, 2B)

Bullies 2-5 All Stars – Citypark LF Billy Metro held himself out of today’s game for unspecified reasons, but the timely hitting of CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.226,10,26) and C Merry Patterson (.297,2,16) kept it all from ending in tears as the All Stars won before 7,832 patrons. SS Babycakes Ramirez (.215,0,14) smoked a 2-run triple in the 2nd to give City a lead it would never reliquish – but the thrills were not over. DJ Jazzy crushed his FBL-leading 10th homer of the year in the 8th to receive a rousing ovation from the home crowd. Asked postgame what he thought about ‘Power Company’ teammate Metro’s absence, Twan retorted that City would likely be “Totally fine, yo …” replacing him permanently with new acqusition Ella Goode (.333,1,6). W: Cal Hobbes (4-7, 4.36); L: Bling-Bling Bermudez (5-6, 3.99); PoG: DJ Jazzy Twan (3/4, 2R, 1RBI, 2B, HR)

Hollers 4-6 Nightmares – Riverbottom LF Imogene Floyd (.268,4,27) hit an 8th-inning RBI single and 2B Sunny Summers (.254,0,20) an RBI sac fly to push the Nightmares out of a 3-3 tie and on to victory tonight at The River’s Edge before 9,145. Floyd, who went hitless from May 7 to May 12, has rebounded lately, going 4-for-12 over her last couple of ballgames. W: Pasta Pepitone (3-6, 3.63); L: Coonskin Tate (5-3, 2.83); S: Zippo Cook (2, 4.09); PoG: Imogene Floyd (2/4, 2R, 2RBI)

Burners 0-5 Blues – SP Cathy DuShoppe pitched her first shutout and won her 2nd start on the trot to embarrass the invaders this evening at The Village Green (6,227 paid). Many expecting a wild, sloppy affair between these bottom-suckers went home bewildered as both sides entertained with good, clean ball-playing. Village opened the game with a 3-run outburst aided by a home run from – of all guys – CF Oh-Yoo Suk (.275,1,11). Suk went an acceptable 3-for-4 with 3 runs and a stolen base (his 32nd), yet bowed (literally) in acceptance that DuShoppe had earned station WVIL’s ‘Player of the Game’ award for her efforts on the hill. W: Cathy DuShoppe (6-5, 3.04); L: Trix Galore (4-6, 4.53); PoG: Cathy DuShoppe (9IP, 5H, 0R, 1BB, 5K)

Following the day’s thrills, there was quite the evening of news on the transfer market:

Now Hear This: Riverbottom, West Village Close Deal
Manager Pasta Pepitone of the Riverbottom Nightmares has signed off on a trade for West Village's 30-year old SP KID FERDINAND (4-7, 4.81). Kid will take up the #3 spot in the rotation, behind Pepitone (3-3, 3.63) and Mickey Fine (5-5, 4.33). To complete the deal, the Nightmares will send 28-year old right fielder ROSIE THORN to the Blues. Currently THORN is batting .263 with 5 hits and 1 home run. She has knocked in 2 runs and scored 2 times.

Grimside-Citypark Trade Confirmed
Done deal! The Grimside Bullies have agreed to send 32-year old third baseman SUSAN COURT to the Citypark All Stars for 30-year old starting pitcher DOOLEY McCOOLEY. The trade, rumored for days, was completed in the wee hours this morning. So far this season COURT has gotten 16 hits in 66 at-bats for a .242 batting average with 1 home run. Her stats include 7 RBIs and 7 runs scored. She has played in 18 games. McCOOLEY has gone 4-5 this season with an ERA of 4.70 and 34 strikeouts in 82.1 innings pitched. Other clubs are hitting .293 against him. He will take the third spot in the Grimsider rotation behind Bling-Bling Bermudez (5-6, 3.99) and Holy Hale (5-5, 4.15).

Grimside, Riverbottom Trade Players
The Bullies and the Nightmares finalized a deal this afternoon. Grimside has traded for 27-year old first baseman CURTIS COOL and a 24-year old minor league shortstop, and in return Riverbottom will receive 38-year old first baseman AGGIE McDADDY and a 23-year old minor league catcher. This year McDADDY has hit at a .276 clip with 40 hits, 3 home runs, 21 RBIs and 25 runs scored. To date this season COOL is hitting .436 with no home runs, and is expected to slot straight into the regular lineup.

[Celtic Forever]

Kin 2-3 Crabs [10 inn] – Each team tried to throw away the game today at The Crab Cage, but only one succeeded. Bay manager/CL Al Good inherited SP Pebbles Peete’s fine 3-hit, 8-inning work and promptly blew it by allowing SS Pink Pastelle (.227,0,8) to single in RF Thumby Holt (.343,1,26) with the tying run. The blown save was Al’s 5th of the year – an FBL category-topper. The skipper was saved when 2B Prance Staley’s (.313,3,24) routine grounder to third was kicked across the diamond by Bumpkindale 3B Killer Carp (5 errors), bringing home CF Scooter Dane with the winner. W: Al Good (5-3, 5.00); L: Hambone Helgersson (6-5, 5.51); PoG: HB SP Pebbles Peete (8.1 IP, 3H, 1R, 2BB, 4K)

Bullies 10-12 All Stars – Grimsider 3B Dumpy Doyle (.315,3,26) had hisself a humdinger, cracking 2 homers and driving in 4 overall to capture Viagra’s Player of the Game award (good for 1 week’s supply of the sponsor’s product, in case you’re wondering). Too bad it wasn’t enough. On a day when Citypark’s vaunted ‘Power Company’ went 0-for-everything (Twan due to his position on the bench, Metro (.346,9,32) due to missing everything), manager Snuggles Henderson (.335,4,27) carried the day, crushing a 3-run homer in the bottom of the 9th to overcome a late 10-9 deficit. W: Gabby Abby Farmer (3-2, 1.69); L: Sugarlick Simpson (1-2, 8.36); PoG: Dumpy Doyle (3/5, 3R, 4RBI, 2 HRs)

Hollers 4-5 Nightmares – If Piggville has a weakness, it has a name – Saucy Smothers. Unfortunately, Saucy serves as the Hollers’ closer, and he was in action tonight before 9,334 at The River’s Edge. Entrusted with a 4-3 lead entering the bottom of the 9th, Saucy gave up a leadoff single to LF Imogene Floyd (.278,4,27), walked 1B Wally Walleye (.293,1,26), allowed an RBI double to C Large Marge Franklin (.301,1,20), walked SS Aggie McDaddy (.289,3,21), then gave up an RBI single to reserve RF Nicky Fever (.286,0,1). Ballgame. No outs recorded. Ugh. W: Corvette Colette (4-2,3.00); L: Saucy Smothers (0-2, 5.06); PoG: Large Marge Franklin (2/5, 2RBI, 2B)

Burners 1-0 Blues – LF Tatty Pierce (.323,1,15) grounded out to 2B August Brown in the 1st, but it brought across CF Muscles Mason and that was pretty much all she wrote tonight at The Village Green. Starters Frowny Malloy and Hairbow Haley were each superb, perhaps a little surprisingly so, and it was a bit of a shame one had to lose. W: Frowny Malloy (7-4, 3.35); L: Hairbow Haley (5-5, 3.42); S: Pippi Long (5, 3.32); PoG: Frowny Malloy (8IP, 3H, 0R, 1BB, 4K)

Now Hear This: Grimside, Riverbottom Trade Players

The Bullies and the Nightmares finalized a deal this afternoon. Grimside has traded for 27-year old first baseman CURTIS COOL and a 24-year old minor league shortstop. In return Riverbottom will receive 38-year old first baseman AGGIE McDADDY and a 23-year old minor league catcher. This year McDADDY has hit at a .276 clip with 40 hits, 3 home runs, 21 RBIs and 25 runs scored. To date this season COOL is hitting .436 with no home runs.

Grimside-Citypark Trade Confirmed

Done deal! The Grimside Bullies have agreed to send 32-year old third baseman SUSAN COURT to the Citypark All Stars for 30-year old starting pitcher DOOLEY McCOOLEY. The trade, rumored for days, was completed in the wee hours this morning. So far this season COURT has gotten 16 hits in 66 at-bats for a .242 batting average with 1 home run. Her stats include 7 RBIs and 7 runs scored. She has played in 18 games. McCOOLEY has gone 4-5 this season with an ERA of 4.70 and 34 strikeouts in 82.1 innings pitched. Other clubs are hitting .293 against him.

Riverbottom, West Village Close Deal

Manager Pasta Pepitone of the Riverbottom Nightmares has signed off on a trade for West Village's 30-year old starting pitcher KID FERDINAND. To complete the deal, the Nightmares will send 28-year old right fielder ROSIE THORN to the Blues. Currently THORN is batting .263 with 5 hits and 1 home run. She has knocked in 2 runs and scored 2 times. In 11 starts this season FERDINAND has chalked up a 4-7 record and a 4.81 ERA.

[Celtic Forever]

Nightmares 4-5 Kin – Well, Kid Ferdinand had a chance to impress his new club, but after an initially impressive 4 innings he was clobbered – chiefly by one man. Kin leadoff LF Russ Parsons (.234,3,21) flexed his muscles and hit 2 dingers, including the eventual game-winner in the 7th – a 352’ shot straight down the leftfield line. W: Cowlick Blum (3-3, 3.75); L: Kid Ferdinand (4-8, 4.90); PoG: Russ Parsons (3/3, 2R, 4RBI, 2 HRs)

All Stars 3-13 Burners – SP Bully Moe didn’t take long to surrender the game to Salemwich. The Burners plated 9 runs in the bottom of the 1st to make quick work of this one, 2-RBI hits from SP Cutie Capers (.172,0,5) and LF Tatty Pierce (.330,1,18) doing much of the damage. The massive support enabled Capers to pick up a rare win – a critical result that likely saved the 34 year-old from demotion or outright release, according to local rag ‘The Salem Trumpet’. W: Cutie Capers (2-6, 5.10); L: Bully Moe (3-5, 6.40); PoG: Tatty Pierce (3/5, 2R, 3RBI, 2 2Bs)

Hollers 0-1 Bullies – Grimsider SP Dooley McCooley got off to the best possible start for his new club, shutting out the most fearsome lineup in the FBL to pick up his 3rd decision in a row. It wasn’t until the bottom of the 7th that a run was scored – CF Nick the Dick (.317,4,21) doubling in his manager SS Slowey Zoe Zamm from second. W: Dooley McCooley (5-5, 4.28); L: Prissy Puddin (8-3, 1.94); S: Angry Karl Karlsson (6, 1.59); PoG: Dooley McCooley (8IP, 5H, 0R, 1BB)

Blues 6-7 Crabs [10 inn] – A dramatic solo shot from CF Scooter Dane (.298,3,27) finished off the invading Villagers tonight with a bang. Harbour Bay rallied from 6-4 down in the 8th when RF Buckethead Bramble (.299,4,29) doubled in 3B Jenny Crush and SS Snooker Davies. W: Al Good (6-3, 4.79); L: Miggy McIver (1-2, 5.12); PoG: Scooter Dane (2/6, 2R, 3RBI, 2 HRs)

[Celtic Forever]

Hollers 3-8 Bullies – CF Nick the Dick (.325,4,22) doubled in new signing 1B Curtis Cool (.404,0,7) with the go-ahead run, and CL Angry Karl Karlsson supplied the icing on the cake with a shocking 3-run homer to carry the day at Homeboy Field (7,481). The defeat extended Piggville’s losing streak to 5 in a row, and 7th in their last 8 games! W: Margarita Lime (5-6, 4.91); L: Ice Cream Jones (6-2, 4.20); S: Angry Karl Karlsson (7, 1.42); PoG: GRI SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (1/4, 1R, 2RBI, HR)

Nightmares 12-7 Kin – Riverbottom routed the Bumpkindale tossers from the field with 14 hits and 9 walks, led by 4-RBI efforts from C Large Marge Franklin (.307,1,24) and 1B Wally Walleye (.291,1,31). A pair of 4-run innings in the 5th and 6th blew open a hitherto-tight 3-2 ballgame. W: Blooey Blackman (3-4, 3.92); L: Hambone Helgersson (6-6, 6.16); PoG: Large Marge Franklin (2/4, 4RBI)

Blues 2-4 Crabs – 5th inning solo shots from CF Scooter Dane (.308,4,28) and C Boobsy Daniels (.311,6,25) were enough to see off West Village tonight before 10,523 at The Crab Cage. Backup SS Fulsom Prizen (.346,0,3) had seized the lead for Harbour Bay with a 2-run single in the 4th, overcoming a 1-0 deficit that SP Dazzy Dandridge gave away when he tossed a pitch about 3 miles over Daniels’ head, scoring Village SS Shaggy Muldoon. W: Dazzy Dandridge (4-4, 4.91); L: Freckles Fairaway (0-4, 9.11); PoG: Dazzy Dandridge (8IP, 4H, 2R, 5BB, 7K)

All Stars 8-4 Burners – Mgr/RP Bombshell Harrison blew it for Salemwich, conceding the go-ahead run along with 3 others to allow Citypark to rally from 4-3 deficit in the 7th. Reserve 3B Bluff Coogan (.273,0,4) singled in SP Mondo Cruz to tie matters at 4-4, and SS Babycakes Ramirez (.220,0,15) plated the winning run with a groundout to second-bagger Bucktooth Biggs, scoring C Merry Patterson. W: Mondo Cruz (3-2, 2.01); L: Lovie Smith (1-2, 7.01); S: Loopy Alice Otter (9, 2.76); PoG: SAL LF Tatty Pierce (4/5, 1R, RBI, 2B)

Your Sunday Supplement May 24

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	32	16	-	.288	274	3.13
Harbour Bay	27	21	5	.281	272	4.71
Citypark	26	22	6	.280	253	4.77
Bumpkindale	24	24	8	.271	247	4.48
Riverbottom	23	25	9	.283	241	4.15
Grimside	22	26	10	.274	242	4.79
Salemwich	19	29	13	.274	202	4.92
West Village	19	29	13	.259	202	4.30

PoW: RIV C Large Marge Franklin (7/15, 1HR, 5RBI)

AVG: BUM Amy Earhart .382; PIG Tuck Thompson .382; CIT Big Ears Lathum .364; PIG Spunk Williams .348; PIG Cale Christianson .343

HR: CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 10; RIV Pepper Dotson 9; CIT Billy Metro 9; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 9; PIG Tuck Thompson 9

RBI: BUM Amy Earhart 44; CIT Big Ears Lathum 40; RIV Pepper Dotson 39; HB Rip Ripperson 39; PIG Cale Christianson 37

WINS: PIG Babe Appleby 9; PIG Prissy Puddin 8; SAL Frowny Malloy 7; HB Emma Queen 7;

ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 1.94; PIG Babe Appleby 2.30; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.83; BUM Lute Strummer 3.04; WV Cathy DuShoppe 3.04

K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 70; WV RIV Kid Ferdinand 57; HB Big Nate Wimmer 53; RIV Blooey Blackman 51

Tout the Scout Presents: Best Positional Players in the FBL
Stats, in order, are: Age, Position, Avg, HR, RBI

1.PIG Tuck Thompson (26, 1B; .382,9,33)
2. PIG Spunk Williams (35, RF; .348,3,27)
3. HB Boobsy Daniels (29, C; .311,6,25)
4. BUM Amy Earhart (25, CF; .386,5,44)
5. RIV Pepper Dotson (28, RF; .317,9,39)
6. CIT Snuggles Henderson (27, SS; .335,4,28)
7. BUM Giggles Mountjoy (27, 1B; .335,9,33)
8. HB Buckethead Bramble (26, RF; .294,4,29)
9. BUM Priscilla Paine (33, C; .286,7,27)
10. WV Huey McBlooey (31, C; .400,3,13)

[Celtic Forever]

Nightmares 1-9 Kin – SP Lute Strummer appears to be back, winning his 2nd straight decision following 3 consecutive losses. Unable to touch the Bumpkin starter, Riverbottom was doomed after surrendering 3-run outbursts in both the 1st and 3rd innings, quickly falling behind 6-1. Chief amongst the Kin batsmen was 2B Grumpy Gil Meyer (.248,2,18), who rapped a brace of triples and delivered 3 runs home – the two triples being an FBL single-game record. W: Lute Strummer (7-3, 2.82); L: Pasta Pepitone (3-7, 3.95); PoG: Lute Strummer (9IP, 8H, 1R, 1BB, 3K)

All Stars 1-3 Burners – 9,248 patrons got an unexpected pitching duel today between oft-battered Burner SP Trix Galore and Citypark SP Cal Hobbes. Trix came out the better, scoring the opening run herself courtesy of a 3rd-inning single from 3B Innocence O’Malley (.271,7,28). Hard on the heels of this blow came a 2-run double by 1B Boo-Boo Baker (.263,3,22), and that was pretty much all she wrote for Citypark. The All Stars were let down by their esteemed ‘Power Company’ duo of Twan/Metro, who went a combined 0-for-7. W: Trix Galore (5-6, 4.26); L: Cal Hobbes (4-8, 4.32); S: Pippi Long (6, 3.15); PoG: Trix Galore (8IP, 5H, 1R, 1BB, 6K)

Hollers 4-5 Bullies [11 inn] – Wow. Yet another defeat for Piggville (their 6th in a row) – this one sustained after building a 4-0 lead. A bottom-of-the-9th single from Grimside CF Nick the Dick (.327,4,24) brought home SS Slowey Zoe Zamm with the tying run, and two innings later 3B Dumpy Doyle (.304,3,27) produced a walk-off RBI single to complete an improbable victory. With Piggville in disarray, the local press is starting to bear down on 1B Tuck Thompson (.373,9,33). Recently tipped as the FBL’s best every-day player, he is now 2 for his last 16, with no home runs during that time span. W: Sugarlick Simpson (2-2, 7.47); L: Blondie Ferguson (2-2, 3.90); PoG: Slowey Zoe Zamm (3/4, 2R, 1BB, 2B)

Blues 1-6 Crabs – A sterling effort from Bay SP Emma ‘Drama’ Queen baffled the Village batters and ultimately drew the Crabs to within 4 games of former runaway leaders Piggville as Harbour Bay won tonight before a thrilled 10,466 at The Crab Cage. Queen was supported by back-to-back homers from LF Buster Lowe (.304,6,30) and 2B Prance Staley (.309,4,27) – the first time the Baymen have pulled such a feat. W: Emma Queen (8-2, 3.76); L: Cathy DuShoppe (6-6, 3.33); PoG: Emma Queen (9IP, 8H, 1R, 5BB, 3K)

[Celtic Forever]

Welcome to the midpoint of the season! Today’s action marks 50 games down and 50 to go!

Kin 3-0 Hollers – Well, the crowd of 8,679 made for quite a chorus of boos this afternoon as Piggville went down meekly before SP Cueball Smith – who is not renowned as one of the FBL’s brightest. Hey, at least Pig 1B Tuck Thompson (.376,9,33) collected a hit – it’s been a while. The only run Bumpkindale would need came in the 3rd, when LF Russ Parsons (.238,3,23) singled and Cueball hustled in from second, beating the relay from 3B Bossie Clementine. Two more were plated in the 6th, courtesy of RBI singles from RF Thumby Holt (.348,1,27) and 2B Grumpy Gil Meyer (.248,2,19). W: Cueball Smith (4-7, 4.39); L: Babe Appleby (9-3, 2.38); PoG: Cueball Smith (9IP, 3H, 0R, 5BB, 4K)

Crabs 5-2 All Stars – Harbour Bay continues to take advantage of Piggville’s stumbling streak, winning again behind a solid 9 innings from SP Pebbles Peete. Reserve Bay SS Fulsom Prizen (.367,1,4) hit his very first dinger, and Peete (.189,0,1) drove in the go-ahead run herself with a single in the 7th off Suzy Q. Perkins. For the Crabbies it was their 6th win on the trot and 8th in their last 10 contests, pulling them to within 3 games of the Hollers. W: Pebbles Peete (4-4, 3.70); L: Suzy Q Perkins (6-2, 5.42); PoG: Pebbles Peete (9IP, 7H, 2R, 0BB, 4K)

Blues 3-2 Nightmares [10 inn] – Reserve SS Hopper Layne (.235,1,5) singled in the winning run to conclude a tight game in favor of the Villagers today at The River’s Edge (9,790). Riverbottom SP Mickey Fine struck out a season-high 10 batters through 7 innings, but was forced to retire prematurely due to arm soreness. Prior to Hopper’s stroke, all the scoring occurred in the 5th stanza – West Village getting RBI singles from Justin Thyme (.253,4,25) and C Huey McBlooey (.403,3,14), Riverbottom responding on a scoring error from SS Hopper Layne and an RBI single by SS Aggie McDaddy (.269,3,23). W: Air Boyer (1-0, 0.00); L: Corvette Colette (4-3, 3.04); S: Heck Martin (10, 2.51); PoG: WV LF Justin Thyme (3/5, 0R, 1RBI)

Bullies 3-4 Burners – 9,757 got quite the treat today as the home squad rallied dramatically in the bottom of the 9th to win. Trailing 3-1 entering their last go-round, Grimside tied matters up on an RBI double from SS/Mgr Slowey Zoe Zamm (.271,2,29) and a run-plating single from 3B Dumpy Doyle (.303,3,28). Not to be outdone, Salemwich LF Tatty Pierce (.345,1,20) came to the plate with 2 out in the bottom of the 9th and singled to score SS Dude O’Day, who bustled in from second ahead LF Little Red Rider’s desperate throw home. W: Disco Davison (2-2, 5.96); L: Betty Chan (0-1, 6.75); PoG: SAL CF Muscles Mason (.302,3,23)

Midseason Standings

Piggville 32-18 -, Harbour Bay 3gb, Bumpkindale 6 gb, Citypark 6gb, Grimside 9gb, Riverbottom 9gb, Salemwich 11gb, West Village 12gb.

[Celtic Forever]

Bumpkindale Kin
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
Priscilla Paine-C	.286	7	27	Cowlick Blum-SP		3	3	3.75
Giggles Mountjoy-1B	.328	9	36	Katie Currant-SP	3	2	4.75
Grumpy Gil Meyer-2B	.248	2	19	Cueball Smith-SP/Mgr	4	7	4.39
Killer Carp-3B		.282	2	19	Lute Strummer-SP	7	3	2.82
Pink Pastelle-SS	.225	0	8	Hambone Helgersson-MR	6	6	6.16
Russ Parsons-LF		.238	3	23	Agatha Jewel-MR		1	0	1.73
Amy Earhart-CF		.380	5	44	Goldilock Parker-MR	1	0	2.08
Thumby Holt-RF		.348	1	27	Wags Coughlin-CL	10SV	1	3.07

Citypark All Stars
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
Merry Patterson-C	.290	2	19	Mondo Cruz-SP		3	2	2.01
Smilin Randy Tandy-1B	.307	1	10	Cal Hobbes-SP		4	8	4.32
Big Ears Lathum-2B	.359	4	41	Bully Moe-SP		3	5	6.40
Susan Court-3B		.275	1	10	SuzyQPerkins-SP 	6	2	5.42
Snuggles Henderson-Mr/SS.332	4	29	Conchita Banana-RP	0	0	11.57
Ella Goode-LF		.352	1	8	Gabby Abby Farmer-RP	3	2	1.85
DJ Jazzy Twan-CF	.219	10	26	Bruce Li		0	0	5.40
Billy Metro-RF		.333	9	32	Loopy Alice Otter-CL	9 SV	0	2.76


Grimside Bullies
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
April Mae June-C	.179	5	17	Bling Bling Bermudez-SP	5	6	3.96
Curtis Cool-1B		.369	1	10	Nacho Daddy-SP		4	1	4.13
Unstoppable Bob-2B	.260	0	7	Holy Hale-SP		5	5	4.38
Dumpy Doyle-3B		.299	4	29	Dooley McCooley-SP	6	5	4.08
Slowey Zoe Zamm-Mgr/SS	.276	2	30	Betty Chan-RP		0	1	6.75
Little Red Rider-LF	.278	0	14	Margarita Lime-RP	5	6	4.91
Nick the Dick-CF	.333	4	24	Sugarlick Simpson-RP	2	2	7.47
Dummy Hawhaw-RF		.343	3	29	Angry Karl Karlsson-CL	7 SV	0	1.42

Harbour Bay Crabs
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
Boobsy Daniels-C	.326	6	28	Dazzy Dandridge-SP	4	4	4.91
Rip Ripperson-1B	.259	4	39	Pebbles Peete-SP	4	4	3.70
Prance Staley-2B	.313	4	27	Emma Queen-SP		8	2	3.76
Jenny Crush-3B		.228	0	21	Big Nate Wimmer-SP	3	3	5.54
Snooker Davies-SS	.302	1	29	Mary Contrary-RP	2	1	5.63
Buster Lowe-LF		.304	6	30	Lucy Deuce-RP		2	1	1.57
Scooter Dane-CF		.296	4	28	Boner McGee-RP		1	1	4.50
Buckethead Bramble-RF	.306	4	29	Al Good-Mgr/CL		5 SV	3	4.69

Piggville Hollers
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
Red Harris-C		.242	3	29	Babe Appleby-Mgr/SP	9	3	2.38
Tuck Thompson-1B	.376	9	33	Ice Cream Jones-SP	6	2	4.20
Copper Wade-2B		.318	3	33	Prissy Puddin-SP	8	3	1.94
Bossie Clementine-3B	.269	2	15	Coonskin Tate-SP	5	3	2.93
Dennis Mitchell-SS	.251	6	38	Blondie Ferguson-RP	2	2	3.90
Cale Christianson-LF	.344	1	37	Ox McBiggers-RP		0	3	6.48
Daisy Mae Hart-CF	.285	0	16	Buzz Walcott-RP		1	0	2.70
Spunk Williams-RF	.344	3	27	Saucy Smothers-CL	3 SV	2	5.06

Riverbottom Nightmares
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
Large Marge Franklin-C	.299	1	24	Blooey Blackman-SP	3	4	3.92
Wally Walleye-1B	.291	1	31	Kid Ferdinand-SP	4	8	4.90
Sunny Summers-2B	.248	0	20	Mickey Fine-SP		5	5	4.26
Onion Munyon-3B		.323	0	22	Pasta Pepitone-Mgr/SP	3	7	3.95
Aggie McDaddy-SS	.269	3	23	Corvette Colette-RP	4	3	3.04
Imogene Floyd-LF	.282	4	29	Zippo Cook-RP		2	0	4.56
Snooty Rotheschilde-CF	.266	3	14	Conchy Shell-RP		2	0	1.62
Pepper Dotson-RF	.320	9	39	Angel O’Hare-CL		7 SV	1	0.90

Salemwich Burners
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
Bonnie Clyde-C		.299	0	20	Cutie Capers-SP		2	7	5.53
Boo-Boo Baker-1B	.261	4	23	Trix Galore-SP		5	6	4.26
Bucktooth Biggs-2B	.249	1	14	Frowny Malloy-SP	7	4	3.33
Innocence O’Malley-3B	.273	7	29	Lovie Smith-SP		1	2	7.01
Dude O’Day-SS		.252	0	7	Disco Davison-RP	2	2	5.96
Tatty Pierce-LF		.340	1	21	Lips Hallihan-RP	1	4	6.32
Muscles Mason-CF	.301	3	23	Bombshell Harrison-Mr/RP2	4	5.90
Y.I. Otta-RF		.300	2	13	Pippi Long-CL		6 SV	1	3.15

West Village Blues
Name-POS		AVG	HR	RBI	Name-POS		W	L	ERA
Huey McBlooey-C		.403	3	14	Cathy DuShoppe-SP	6	6	3.33
Lanky Longfellow-1B	.271	2	24	Freckles Fairaway-SP	0	4	9.11
August Brown-Mgr/2B	.245	0	20	Francine Fokker-SP	2	1	3.92
Nancy Collagen-3B	.298	0	14	Hairbow Haley-SP	5	5	3.18
Shaggy Muldoon-SS	.287	0	24	Air Boyer-RP		1	0	0.00
Justin Thyme-LF		.253	4	25	Miggy McIver-RP		1	2	5.12
Oh-Yoo Suk-CF		.265	1	11	Shucky Pie-RP		0	0	0.00
Rosie Thorn-RF		.212	1	2	Heck Martin-CL		10 SV	1	2.51

[Celtic Forever]

Bullies 14-2 Burners – Grimside erupted for an FBL single-inning record 10 runs in the 8th en route to destroying Salemwich today at Salem Centre before 7,469. RP Lips Hallihan entered the game in the 8th, promptly allowed both runners she had inherited from SP Cutie Capers to score, then allowed another 4 runs herself to make certain of disappointing the home crowd. The opposing SP Dooley McCooley went the distance to win his 4th start in a row. Primary damage from the Bully batsmen was wreaked by 1B Curtis Cool (.369,1,10) and LF Little Red Rider (.278,0,14), who each contributed 3 RBI – Cool connecting on a home run, his first. W: Dooley McCooley (6-5, 4.08); L: Cutie Capers (2-7, 5.53); PoG: Dooley McCooley (9IP, 4H, 2R, 1BB, 2K)

Crabs 14-2 All Stars – Harbour Bay plated 9 runs in the top of the 3rd to put this one away early. Crab LF Buster Lowe (.307,7,32) smacked a 2-run homer in that critical inning, and C Boobsy Daniels (.337,7,31) added another in the 9th against the hapless Citypark staff. All the Harbour Bay regulars had multiple hits save for SS Scooter Davies (.302,1,30), and 6 of the 8 Crab regulars now carry averages over the .300 mark. W: Big Nate Wimmer (4-3, 5.22); L: Bully Moe (3-6, 7.24); PoG: Boobsy Daniels (4/6, 3R, 3RBI, HR)

Blues 1-3 Nightmares – Riverbottom SS Aggie McDaddy (.271,4,26) stroked a 3-run dinger in the bottom of the 7th to give SP Kid Ferdinand all the support he’d need today at The River’s Edge (9,692). Ferdinand carried a 5-hit shutout into the 9th, but an RBI single from RF Rosie Thorn (.216,1,3) chased him from the mound. It was Kid’s first win after back-to-back losses. W: Kid Ferdinand (5-8, 4.58); L: Francine Fokker (2-2, 3.86); S: Angel O’Hare (8, 0.87); PoG: Kid Ferdinand (8.1IP, 7H, 1R, 1BB, 4K)

Kin 3-4 Hollers [10 inn] – Well, after 7 games of crap Piggville finally remembered how to win one, CF Daisy Mae Hart (.292,0,17) singling in C Red Harris from second in the bottom of the 10th to stop the freefall. Holler SP Prissy Puddin looked ready to set a record by striking out 9 batsmen through 6 innings, then inexplicably pulled herself from the game with the score knotted at 3. Neither she nor manager Babe Appleby offered any comment on the situation after the game, but insiders reported the clubhouse post-match atmosphere as “stormy”. NOT happy times in Piggville … W: Blondie Ferguson (3-2, 3.47); L: Agatha Jewel (1-1, 1.91); PoG: PIG SS Dennis Mitchell (3/4, 2R, 1RBI, 3B)

[Celtic Forever]

Crabs 8-10 All Stars – Harbour Bay got home runs from CF Scooter Dane (.305,5,31), C Boobsy Daniels (.335,8,35)and 1B Rip Ripperson (.272,5,45), and still managed to lose today at Big City Ballpark (6,699 paid). The All Stars swept over the Crab pitching staff with 14 hits, led by RF Billy Metro (.341,9,34), who went 3-for-3 with and plated his ‘Power Company’ mate CF DJ Jazzy Twan twice. The key run came in the 7th, when C Merry Patterson (.288,2,22) singled in 2B Big Ears Lathum with the decider. W: Mondo Cruz (4-2, 3.46); L: Dazzy Dandridge (4-5, 5.36); S: Bruce Li (1, 3.00); PoG: Boobsy Daniels (1/4, 1R, 4RBI, HR)

Kin 2-1 Hollers – It all looked so promising for the Hollers, leading 1-0 headed into the 6th and SP Ice Cream Jones in fine form. Then Bumpkindale struck for 2 off the bat of CF Amy Earhart (.391,5,47), who doubled in 3B Killer Carp and 1B Giggles Mountjoy to secure the win. Kin SP Katie Currant won her 4th straight decision, albeit with 3 no-decisions during that span. W: Katie Currant (4-2, 4.22); L: Ice Cream Jones (6-3, 4.02); PoG: Katie Currant (9IP, 7H, 1R, 3BB, 2K)

Blues 7-5 Nightmares – Riverbottom rushed out to a 4-0 lead through 5 frames, helped in part by a 2-run single from RF Pepper Dotson (.315,9,41), only for West Village to storm back in the 6th with 6 runs of their own to seal the deal. The fateful inning was catalyzed by an RBI triple from SS Shaggy Muldoon (.282,0,26), scoring C Huey McBlooey and RF Rosie Thorn. Riverbottom SP Freckles Fairaway, sarcastically cheered by the home crowd when he took the mound, came away with his first win in what has been a dismal season. W: Freckles Fairaway (1-4, 8.33); L: Blooey Blackman (3-5, 4.25); S: Heck Martin (11, 2.35); PoG: WV RF Rosie Thorn (2/4, 2R, 1RBI, 2B)

Bullies 11-8 Burners – Grimside C April Mae June (.187,5,22), not normally much of a threat, rapped home 5 runs tonight to help see off Salemwich in a game which featured 30 hits total. Most of the fireworks occurred in the 6th inning. Grimsider 3B Dumpy Doyle (.296,5,30) led off the frame with a solo shot to right-center, and after 2 singles and a walk, June cleared the bases with a booming double down the third base line. Salemwich then rallied for 3 runs of their own to close to within 11-7, but ultimately all for naught. W: Nacho Daddy (5-1, 4.66); L: Disco Davison (2-3, 7.22); S: Margarita Lime (1, 4.83); PoG: April Mae June (2/3, 5RBI, 2B)

Thirsty Thursday Update
Ninety one freakin’ degrees as I sit here and write this, which makes me dream of beer, which contextually reminds me it’s time to post a beery update. Cheers!

Standings: Piggville 33-19, Harbour Bay 3gb, Bumpkindale 6gb, Citypark 6gb, Grimside 8gb, Riverbottom 9gb, Salemwich 12gb, West Village 12gb.

DOH! Most fielding errors: RIV SS Crazy Sara Seine 17; HB 3B Jenny Crush 15; CIT 2B Big Ears Lathum 10; CIT SS Snuggles Henderson 9; RIV 3B Onion Munyon 8; SAL 3B Innocence O’Malley 8

Double Plays: BUM 1B Giggles Mountjoy 61; HB 2B Prance Staley 54; HB 1B Rip Ripperson 51; RIV 1B Wally Walleye 43; CIT 2B Big Ears Lathum 40; RIV SS Aggie McDaddy 37

Runners Caught %: WV Primo Segundo 40.7%; HB Boobsy Daniels 32.8%; PIG Red Harris 32.7%; CIT Merry Patterson 30.6%; RIV Large Marge Franklin 28.6%

[Celtic Forever]

Burners 3-2 Crabs – Salemwich SP Trix Galore pitched 8 strong innings to win her second start in a row and got key RBI singles from backups 1B Princess Patsy (.333,2,24) and C DeForest Gump (.269,0,5) as the Burners took a tight one today at The Crab Cage before 10,480. Harbour Bay’s only consolation was a solo homer from LF Buster Lowe (.300,8,33), who continues to be the best player no one talks about. W: Trix Galore (6-6, 4.11); L: Emma Queen (8-3, 3.72); S: Pippi Long (7, 3.00); PoG: Trix Galore (8IP, 7H, 2R, 4BB, 6K)

All Stars 8-5 Nightmares – Citypark swept aside the Riverbottom pitchers by scoring in each of the 3rd through 8th innings and recorded a big win today at The River’s Edge. RF Billy Metro (.343,9,34) scored 3 times off 3 walks and a single, and 1B Smilin’ Randy Tandy (.315,1,12) drove in 2 off 3 hits to highlight the rout. Nightie RF Pepper Dotson (.319,10,43) did hit a 2-run dinger for the homestanders – signifigant because it ties her for the FBL home run lead with Citypark’s DJ Jazzy Twan with 10. W: Cal Hobbes (5-8, 4.38); L: Pasta Pepitone (3-8, 4.15); PoG: Smilin’ Randy Tandy (3/4, 1R, 2RBI, 2B)

Kin 2-5 Bullies – Grimside 1B Curtis Cool (.405,1,12) picked up 3 hits in 4 at bats and scored twice to lead the Bullies home tonight before 7,471. Mgr/SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.275,2,32) chipped in with 2 RBI of her own with a sac fly and a scoring groundout. That was enough for SP Bling Bling Bermudez, who finally looked good after 5 successive starts without a win. W: Bling Bling Bermudez (6-6, 3.82); L: Lute Strummer (7-4, 3.07); S: Angry Karl Karlsson (8, 1.35); PoG: Bling Bling Bermudez (8.1IP, 9H, 2R, 3BB, 3K)

Hollers 3-1 Blues – Piggville SP Coonskin Tate racked up his 4th complete game on the campaign, and the Hollers got some clutch hitting to carry the day at The Village Green. After the sides exchanged runs in the 2nd, 3B Bossie Clementine (.284,2,17) put a final bullet into West Village when she clocked a 2-run double in the 6th, scoring RF Spunk Williams and LF Cale Christianson. W: Coonskin Tate (6-3, 2.78); L: Cathy DuShoppe (6-7, 3.30); PoG: Coonskin Tate (9IP, 8H, 1R, 2BB, 2K)

[Celtic Forever]

May 30

All Stars 10-8 Nightmares – Quite the home run derby today as no fewer than 5 balls rocketed out of The River’s Edge ground, thrilling the neutrals and Citypark supporters among the crowd of 10,239. Chief amongst the clouts was All Star CF DJ Jazzy Twan’s (.232,11,30) 414’ bomb in the 4th that put him back atop the FBL leaderboard with 11. His 40 year-old teammate LF Ella Goode (.352,3,12) also belted one amongst her 4 hits, which perhaps left her with a feeling of vengeance against her old club (Ella was traded from Riverbottom to Citypark back on May 14th). W: Suzy Q. Perkins (7-2, 5.47); L: Mickey Fine (5-6, 4.59); S: Loopy Alice Otter (10, 2.79); PoG: Ella Goode (4/5, 2R, 2RBI, HR)

Kin 4-3 Bullies – A second consecutive solid start from Mgr/SP Cueball Smith proved enough as he continued to rebound from an iffy start to the season. Grimside SP Holy Hale threw a wild pitch in the 5th, scoring C Butch Bruiser from third in what would prove the deciding run. Kin CF Amy Earhart (.392,5,47) collected 3 hits in 4 at bats to stay atop the batting leaderboard, and let slip in the postgame news conference that she’s “a-hopin’ to best .400 ‘fore she’s all said ‘n done.” W: Cueball Smith (5-7, 4.31); L: Holy Hale (5-6, 4.39); S: Wags Coughlin (11, 2.87); PoG: Cueball Smith (8IP, 4H, 3R, 1BB, 3K)

Burners 4-5 Crabs – Great game that saw Salemwich rally from 3-0 down in the 7th - RF Simple Salmon (.219,1,4), SP Frowny Malloy (.286,0,1), LF Tatty Pierce (.349,1,23) and C Bonnie Clyde (.311,0,22) all smacking RBI singles. Harbour Bay responded by getting two men on against Mgr/RP Bombshell Harrison in the bottom of the 8th, C Boobsy Daniels (.348,8,38) then driving them in with his 65th hit of the year. W: Pebbles Peete (5-4, 3.64); L: Pippi Long (1-2, 3.57); PoG: Boobsy Daniels (4/5, 3RBI, 2B)

After the game, Salemwich manager Bombshell Harrison stated that SP Frowny Malloy (7-4, 3.40) had strained a muscle whilst running out his big base hit and would be out for 1-2 weeks. The unexpected hit “probably sent his body into shock” admitted Harrison.

Hollers 4-6 Blues – West Village 3B Nancy Collagen (.291,0,16) knocked in 2 runs with a 4th inning double, and the Blues held on to record a win tonight before 6,690 at The Village Green. For SP Hairbow Haley, it was her first win in 4 starts, although the 3 runs conceded mark a single-game high during that span. W: Hairbow Haley (6-5, 3.20); L: Babe Appleby (9-4, 2.62); S: Heck Martin (12, 2.76); PoG: PIG C Red Harris (3/4, 1R, 2RBI, 2 2B)

May 31

Burners 4-5 Crabs – Bay C Boobsy Daniels (.347,8,39) proved the hero once again, cracking a double in the bottom of the 8th to bring across 2B Prance Staley with the winning run. The culprit once again was Salemwich’s own manager Bombshell Harrison, who ruined a fine effort from SP Lovie Smith. Harrison, if anything, has been even worse since demoting herself from the starting rotation. The Crabs had surged out to a 4-0 1st inning lead thanks to back-to-back homers from RF Buckethead Bramble (.326,5,33) and 1B Rip Ripperson (.277,6,47). Salemwich rallied to tie with a 3-run 4th, followed by an RBI single from 3B Innocence O’Malley (.282,7,29) in the 7th. W: Big Nate Wimmer (5-3, 5.16); L: Bombshell Harrison (2-5, 5.60); S: Al Good (6, 4.59); PoG: Buckethead Bramble (1/3, 1R, HR)

Hollers 16-0 Blues – Piggville SP Prissy Puddin carried a no-hitter into the 9th, until RP Air Boyer, of all people, broke it up with a single. The 1-hitter was of necessary interest to this one, because the Hollers settled the contest right away with an 8-run 1st en route to building a 15-0 advantage through 5. Leadoff gal CF Daisy Mae Hart (.299,2,23) hit 2 home runs – her only ones of the campaign – and 1B Tuck Thompson (.384,9,36) had 3 hits to raise his average to the giddy height of .384. For Puddin, this little gem marked her first win in her last 3 starts. W: Prissy Puddin (9-3, 1.92); L: Francine Fokker (2-3, 5.84); PoG: Daisy Mae Hart (4/4, 4R, 5RBI, 2 HRs)

All Stars 4-3 Nightmares – Citypark RF Groucho Romario (.269,3,19) crushed a 3-run dinger, and 2B Big Ears Lathum (.347,4,44) stroked an RBI single in the 4th to give the All Stars all the runs they would need tonight at The River’s Edge. Riverbottom rallied for 3 runs in the bottom of the 9th against RP Bruce Li, but ultimately fell just short of the mark. W: Bully Moe (4-6, 6.73); L: Kid Ferdinand (5-9, 4.32); S: Bruce Li (2, 6.75); PoG: Groucho Romario (2/4, 1R, 3RBI, HR)

Kin 6-2 Bullies – Bumpkindale SS Pink Pastelle (.231,0,11) hit a run-scoring single in the 4th to push the Kin ahead for good, and CF Amy Earhart (.397,5,49) had 2 hits to raise her average to an FBL-best .397 as the Bums won tonight at Homeboy Field. For SP Cowlick Blum, it was his second straight winning decision – although it took him 143 pitches to do it. Grimsider 1B Curtis Cool (.390,1,12) extended his hitting streak to 20 games with a single in the 7th. W: Cowlick Blum (4-3, 3.49); L: Dooley McCooley (6-6, 4.11); S: Agatha Clyde (2, 1.82); PoG: Cowlick Blum (7.2IP, 5H, 2R, 4BB, 6K)

Now Hear This: The FBL’s Best for May

• Batter: PIG Tuck Thompson - .440, 3, 17
• Pitcher: PIG SP Prissy Puddin – 4-2, 1.62, 43K
• Rookie: GRI Nick the Dick - .407, 3, 20

May’s Best Performances

1.Daisy Mae Hart (PIG) 5/31/09: Goes 4-for-4 with 2 HRs and 5 RBI against West Village; Score 103
2.Prissy Puddin (PIG) 5/31/09: Chucks a 1-hitter against West Village; Score 90
3.Coonskin Tate (PIG) 5/5/09: Complete game 3-hitter against West Village; Score 86
4.Hairbow Haley (WV) 5/3/09: Scatters 4 hits over 9 innings, shutting out Riverbottom 3-0; Score 83
5.Cathy DuShoppe (WV) 5/18/09: Five-hit shutout in a 5-0 win over Salemwich; Score 81

Your Sunday Supplement May 31

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	35	20	-	.288	306	3.07
Harbour Bay	32	23	3	.286	317	4.56
Citypark	30	25	5	.280	290	4.95
Bumpkindale	29	26	6	.270	276	4.18
Grimside	26	29	9	.273	285	4.71
Riverbottom	24	31	11	.283	268	4.24
Salemwich	22	33	13	.276	230	4.90
West Village	22	33	13	.257	221	4.43

AVG: BUM Amy Earhart .397; PIG Tuck Thompson .384; PIG Cale Christianson .349; HB Boobsy Daniels .347
HR: CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 11; RIV Pepper Dotson 10; CIT Billy Metro 9; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 9; PIG Tuck Thompson 9
RBI: BUM Amy Earhart 49; HB Rip Ripperson 47; RIV Pepper Dotson 45; CIT Big Ears Lathum 44
WINS: PIG Babe Appleby 9; PIG Prissy Puddin 9; HB Emma Queen 8;
ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 1.92; PIG Babe Appleby 2.62; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.78; BUM Lute Strummer 3.07; WV Hairbow Haley 3.20
K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 86; RIV Kid Ferdinand 71; RIV Mickey Fine 65; HB Big Nate Wimmer 60; WV Hairbow Haley 56

Tout the Scout Presents: Best Pitchers in the FBL
Stats, in order, are: Age, Position, Wins, Losses, ERA, K

1.PIG Coonskin Tate (24; 6-3, 2.78, 50)
2. BUM Lute Strummer (27; 7-4, 3.07, 49)
3. PIG Babe Appleby (27; 9-4, 2.62, 45)
4. WV Cathy DuShoppe (25; 6-7, 3.30, 48)
5. CIT Cal Hobbes (24; 5-8, 4.38, 42)
6. BUM Cueball Smith (32; 5-7, 4.31, 45)
7. SAL Trix Galore (25; 6-6, 4.11, 50)
8. HB Emma Queen (30; 8-3, 3.72, 39)
9. SAL Frowny Malloy (30; 7-4, 3.40, 37)
10. CIT Suzy Q. Perkins (27; 7-2, 5.47, 36)

[Celtic Forever]

Blues 5-3 Kin – West Village Mgr/2B August Brown (.231,0,22) hit a key sac fly to bring home CF Oh-Yoo Suk with the eventual winning run. SP Freckles Fairaway, so gosh-awful in the first half of the season, won his second start on the trot to justify Brown’s faith in him. The Village press was NOT thrilled with the initial decision to bring Freckles out of the bullpen into a starter’s role. CL Heck Martin converted his 8th straight save opportunity, and paces the FBL with 13 in all. W: Freckles Fairaway (2-4, 7.42); L: Katie Currant (4-3, 4.31); S: Heck Martin (13, 2.60); PoG: WV RF Rosie Thorn (3/5, 1R, 1RBI)

Nightmares 2-0 Burners – Riverbottom SP Blooey Blackman pitched her first shutout of the year, scattering 6 hits over 9 innings to pick up the win. Blooey (.267,0,4) contributed an RBI herself with a sac fly in the 2nd – scoring C Large Marge Franklin – and opposing SP Disco Davison walked in SS Aggie McDaddy to complete the scoring. W: Blooey Blackman (4-5, 3.88); L: Disco Davison (2-4, 6.14); PoG: Blooey Blackman (9IP, 6H, 0R, 1BB, 3K)

All Stars 5-6 Hollers – Piggville 3B Bossie Clementine (.301,3,21) dumped an 8th inning heater from SP Conchita Banana over the left field boards to provide a dramatic win for the league pacesetters. Citypark had established a 5-3 lead through 6, primarily thanks to a brace of homers from Mgr/SS Snuggles Henderson (.343,6,35). The Hollers were able to respond in the 7th through an RBI single from pinch-hitting Squiggy McDonald (.241,0,3) and a subsequent double from CF Daisy Mae Hart (.303,2,24). On a side note, Ice Cream Jones had been scheduled to start for Piggville today, but was pulled at the last available moment in favor of Blondie Ferguson – who normally infests the bullpen. W: Ox McBiggers (1-3, 5.79); L: Conchita Banana (0-1, 7.11); PoG: Snuggles Henderson (2/3, 2R, 3RBI, 2 HRs)

Bullies 6-7 Crabs [11 inn] – Harbour Bay C Boobsy Daniels (.347,8,41) blooped a single between first and second to score CF Scooter Dane and end a back-and-forth affair tonight The Crab Cage (10,483). Grimside had enjoyed a 6-4 bulge headed into the bottom of the 6th, only for PH Mikki Mabe (.300,1,3) - just up from affiliate club Bay Island – to crack a 2-run homer off SP Margarita Lime. W: Al Good (7-3, 4.50); L: Sugarlick Simpson (2-3, 7.13); PoG: GRI SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (5/5, 2R, 3RBI, HR)