Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty: The Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

Good commentating, gentlemen. NPR and Joe Morgan would be proud.

Originally Posted by canadiancreed

Well to do the shouts about the weather, it's a dismal raing.blowing day in Ontario. they're doing stuff on the news comparing today to hurricane Hazel that ripped through here fifty years ago today, nice eh?

"TOR (creed, those lousy bastards are not winning!)"

not surprsing, those bastards (Rogers) wouldnt know baseball if Ted himself got beaned with one.(That's the owner to my knowledge, or are they still owned by tht foreign brewery?)

and thats' not a half bad record, a good win strak and you could be right back in this

Well, that sounds like a miserable mess to look out the window at. At least there's baseball on today. Hopefully we win, win, win like the Yankees are going to do to the Red Sox!

Originally Posted by Vris

I'm glad you enjoyed it Craig (my comments, that is). I just say whatever the first thing that comes to mind. I usually don't think about my comments.

Yeah, I usually don't think about my comments, either, until I look over them for typos, obssessive-compulsive freak that I am. Works out OK, though, at least sometimes.

Originally Posted by Vris

What is the rank of your ML system? It seems that you have a few decent prospects, but nothing earth shattering. Are Scarborough and Butner in the Top 100? It seems that at least Scarborough should be.

Sh*tty, and you're about right with your little assessment. Let's see, we are...12th in the league. Huh? How? Why? Well, Chris Scarborough, who's been in the top 10 of the prospect lists much of the year, is now #1. Numero uno. Boy, I'm a freaking genius. Oh, and Ray Butner's number 100. Ryan Wing, one of the left-handed starters at AA, has been on the list from time to time this year as well, though he's not recently. So I guess we're better than I thought...though beyond the two young pitchers, we don't have a whole lot.

Originally Posted by Vris

Don't worry about Jon Moo. He knows his place. He knows his team needs him.

Heh. I hope so. But if he starts pitching well...I might be tempted to re-sign him. No...no, never mind. But as a long reliever...just for the nickname...

Originally Posted by Vris

Why are you doing so well? You said you don't have the worst record anymore, so does that mean you're tanking the first overall pick so some scrubs can win some games and feel better about themselves?

Great job Craig, and as always,

GO PALE HOSE!!

I don't know why we're playing well, though I don't remember thinking in the first few months of this season, "You know, if we just stop with the nine-game losing streaks and 25-1 losses, we might do OK." Maybe we are now. And who needs the first overall pick when you can get Chris Scarborough with the three?

And I agree. Go Pale Hose...go on to fourth place already. Go trade Dmitri Young. Go on, go on, go on...

[canadiancreed]

coolness, sounds better than my farm system in my league, 15th of 16th, only one guy in the top 100. That will teach me to keep winning

[cknox0723]

The Maelstrom comes to a stop in Detroit, after which we start a week long homestand, the first three games of which are against the 30-71 Devil Fishies.

Don't worry, I'm not getting any blissful notions or anything -- Jon Garland's on the mound today, and that's enough to keep my head out of the clouds. He'll oppose a similar pitcher, but one that at least throws strikes, in Jim Brower, who was nabbed off waivers from Texas a few weeks back.

A U.S. Cellular Field-like crowd of just 17,000 is on hand, which has got to disappoint Les Tigres, who are actually a fine team at home -- 29-20, or a .580 winning percentage. They play like us on the road, though, winning at just a .333 clip, and that's why they've been stuck in fourth much of the year. Enough of that -- let's change that last sentence to "stuck in fifth", shall we?

Brower makes me furrow my brow a bit in the first as he has little trouble, allowing but a bloop hit to Buddha. Jonny Moo starts things off on our end by giving up a hard-hit shot to DAL 9000's favorite player, Nook Logan, but Enrique Wilson makes a Scott Rolen-esque play at third, with a backhanded stop and strong throw across the diamond to rob him. Tony Giarratano follows with a slow bouncer down the line, but Enrique can't handle this one cleanly, so the Italian Stallion gets first base. Garland takes it in stride and strikes out the struggling Adrian Beltre, hitting just .215/.285/.348 a year after slugging .439, and then spotting an 0-2 fastball right on the outside corner to sit down Rondell White and end the inning. White takes exception, pops a vein, says a few choice words, and gets himself tossed. Um...great! Now Wilton Reynolds can't beat us with a pinch-hit triple!

Brower, despite a ninety mile an hour fastball, eases through the top of the second, and Reed Johnson blasts a long home run to left-center to start the bottom half. Garland keeps the ball within the friendly confines the rest of the frame, and both sides have the pitcher and then the top of the order coming up in the third.

For The Good Guys, that means two quick outs before D.Y. comes up, and he grounds out to second to give Jim Brower, whoever he is, another quick inning. Garland does the same, though, fanning his counterpart as well as Detroit's leadoff hitter and near-All-Star, Nook Logan, and up steps the Italian Stallion with two outs. In a move atypical of Jon Moo, he grooves a fastball, and Tony Giarratano, hitting .226, lines it to left for a base hit. Fortunately, he tries to steal second on the next pitch and gets thrown out. Rookies...

More weird parallelism in the fourth as it'll be the heart of the order for both clubs, which means for us, at least today, that we do nothing, as Maggs whiffs, Brad Fullmer grounds to short, and Beet Soup...hey, he got a hold of that one! "Get out...get out..."

A, um, slight correction to that last sentence -- we do something, as Joe Borchard ties the game with a solo home run. Way to go, Borch! Enrique grounds out to end the inning, and now it's up to the new and improved Jon Moo to keep things knotted up.

Adrian Beltre starts the bottom of the fourth with a sharp single to left, but Wilton Reynolds fans on three quick pitches. Reed Johnson cuts at the first pitch he sees and hits a hard shot not to dissimilar to Beltre's, but right at Enrique Wilson...who muffs it. A walk to Carlos Pena loads the bases for another decaying Hall of Famer, Ivan Rodriguez. Garland runs the count full, and I hide my head between my knees.

"3-2...the runners will hold as Garland winds and fires...fastball, right on the black for strike three! A perfectly placed pitch by Garland, and the Sox are one out away from keeping the game tied!"

One out...so close, but so far, and Junior Spivey drives that point home along with two runners with a single to left. Then the pitcher Brower singles to make it 4-1, and I silently rue the day that Jon Garland was drafted by the Pale Hose. Nook Logan whacks a shot to right, and Maggs gives chase as long as he can and goes full-steam into the wall...making the catch and ending the inning. Thanks, Jon, keep up the good work!

But Brower continues his descent into madness, giving up a leadoff single to Juan Uribe to start the fifth, a bad omen if I've ever heard one. Then he grooves one to The Mime, and our trusty backstop turns on the ninety mile an hour Limburger and crushes it to left-center. Nook Logan's chase is barely as relevant as Charlie Sheen's, and suddenly it's a one-run ballgame. Seeing as it's the fifth, I let Garland hack, and his fly out leads to a quick series of outs that brings the inning to an abrupt close. Now pitch like no one's watching, Jon!

Tony Giarratano and Adrian Beltre are about as big a threat with the bat as our old friend Piazza, and they go down without getting the ball out of the infield. But Garland's control problems resurface against the light-hitting Rondell White replacement, Wilton Reynolds, and up steps All-Star Reed Johnson, whose long ball is the difference in the ball game at the moment. Garland's first offering is a changeup right out over the plate, and Johnson lashes it to the left side -- but right at Julio Lugo, who barely has the time to knock it down -- but that gives him the chance to get the force out at second, sending us to the sixth.

Brower's breakdown takes a brief hiatus in the sixth, as Joe Borchard's groundout to second is sandwiched around strikeouts of Brad Fullmer and Enrique Wilson. Way to go, guys!

Garland quickly fades in the bottom half, and it's immediately apparent as he gets two quick strikes on Carlos Pena but eventually walks him anyway. Inanimate Carbon Rod raps into a fielder's choice, and Junior Spivey strikes out and gets himself thrown out. Boy, I love these umpires! Garland plunks Ty Wigginton, and I call on LOOGY Mike Gallo, but Nook Logan doubles down the left field line. Tony Giarratano's retired on a ground ball to second, though, so I guess Gallo really is a one out guy, after all. 6-3 ball game.

But our somewhat injected-with-life offense refuses to go down without a fight against Franklyn German in the seventh. Well, Juan Uribe does, but Jason LaRue singles and Frank Thomas, pinch-hitting for Carlton, draws a free pass against the volatile German. Of course, it's in the form of The Hacktastic One, and digs himself a 1-2 hole and only gets out of it with a weak ground ball to first. Luckily, it's struck so poorly that Les Tigres only get the force at second, so thanks to the sheer suckitude of Julio Lugo, the inning continues for D.Y., who has as much "intestinal fortitudousness" as anyone. German leaves a splitter up on 1-1, and D.Y. wallops it to the gap in right-center. It goes for two bags and two runs, and it's a one-run game once again. Southpaw Scott Downs comes on in an effort to keep it that way, but Buddha lines his first pitch to left-center, and D.Y. crosses the plate uncontested. Trying to keep the inning going, I pinch-hit Brian Buchanan for Brad Fullmer, but he skies out to right on Downs' third and final pitch.

Aki Otsuka is our new mudslinger after the Taft stretch, and Mike Lieberthal bats for Scott Ups. He flies to right, and Otsuka fans the two Detroit corner outfielders, Reynolds and Johnson, to close the inning out with a little bit of flair.

Nelson Cruz continues the parade in the top of the eighth, and it looks as though it'll be a quick inning, but Juan Uribe lines a two-out hit to give Jason LaRue, who's swinging an awfully hot bat, the chance to do some damage.

"Two balls, no strikes to LaRue, who's two for three today. Cruz from the stretch...LaRue gripping the bat tightly, hands behind his right ear. Cruz is set, and here's the pitch...fastball ripped and...oh, a diving stop by Carlos Pena! The flip from his knees to Cruz and it's in time to get the out at first. The Northeastern alumnus Pena shows why the scouts have crowed about his glove ever since his time in college, and that keeps the game tied as we head to the bottom of the eighth!"

And guess who leads off the eighth?

A door slams in the distance. Shrieks pierce the air as the PA announces...

"The first baseman, number eleven, Carlos Pena. Number eleven."



However, Otsuka gets him in a 1-2 hole, so all looks like it will be well. But his fourth pitch of the inning is a fastball that catches just a bit too much of the plate, and Pena rips it past the second base bag...where Julio Lugo sends his body flying through the air and somehow makes the catch.

Wow. You'd think we were actually a couple of decent teams, the way this game's been going. Otsuka looks a bit tired, but makes his way through the eighth, and it'll be Thomas and then the top of the order for The Good Guys and the top of their order (Logan, Giarratano, and the pitcher's slot) in the bottom of the ninth trying to break this tie.

The Nelson Cruz Show shuts us down without any problem, though, and again we'll have to hope for extra frames. Slyly, I double-switch before the bottom of the ninth, putting Raul Gonzalez in for the pitcher's slot (which would have been up second in the tenth inning, if we get there), and bringing in Joe Roa in D.Y.'s slot in the lineup. Roa's not at his sharpest, to be kind -- he puts two runners on base and gives Reed Johnson a chance to win it with a base hit, but he grounds to Julio Lugo and we've got another chance to make good on this one.

However, their proven closer (tm), Fernando Rodney, sets down the heart of our order in order. But Roa gets through Detroit's six, seven, and eight hitters without a hitch, and we've got another chance to win a ballgame in the eleventh.

Rodney, with some more help from Carlos Pena, doesn't so much as let us on base once again, and with a tip of the cap to Ron Gardenhire, I decide to let Roa go through the eleventh until he gets in trouble. He sets Wigginton, Logan, and Giarratano down in order, capping off his three-inning stint with a strikeout of The Italian Stallion, and we'll see another inning. Is it really only the twelvth?

The Tigers don't have the steel-plated rims that I've got, pulling Rodney in favor of Jack Cressend before the start of the twelvth inning even though the pitcher's going to lead off the bottom half of the inning for them. When Cressend starts his night by throwing three straight balls to Frank Thomas, I'm thinking, "Boy, that was a poor decision indeed."

Of course, The Big Ouch swings at a 3-0 fastball and hits a three-hopper to second. Julio Lugo bounces to short to make his sixth out of the night, and there's two out and no one on.

And then the fun begins.

With Roa due up, I pinch-hit Joe Crede, who's 0-7 as a pinch-hitter this year, but it's either him, backup catcher Olivo, or c.f. chen. Yeah, good call, I know. Much to the shock of the 9,000 or so fans that are left, Crede stings a shot to the left-center field gap, but being as he's Joe Crede, misses it by just enough that it bounces off the wall. Still, a double puts the lead run at second, so I'm certainly not complaining.

Then Alan Trammell does something so bizarre that I wonder if it's not intentional, done to screw the minds of everyone in the black and white, done to make us question whether up is actually down. He brings in Rule 5 Pick Justin Jones -- to face Magglio Ordonez. And as fate would have, the nervous young lad plunks Buddha, but he says nothing and simply takes first base, as an Exalted One should. What kind of master plan is that?

Well, in steps Raul Gonzalez, and he can hit lefties pretty well, but he's still Raul Gonzalez. Jones throws a fastball that catches too much of the plate, and Gonzalez crushes it to left -- but Wilton Reynolds somehow fields it cleanly and Joe Crede's held up at third by Dan Pasqua. What? NO! But, still...bases loaded. Two outs. Tie game.

And Joe Borchard, who's helpless against left-handed pitching, is due up. "F--- it", I say to myself, "We're going to win this game!" So I make a move that'll tie our hands if it fails ("if it fails" -- ha!), pinch-hitting for Borchard with Miguel Olivo, leaving only c.f. chen on the bench. Miggy, do your hackin' thing...please?

"Jones will wind up for the 0-1...the pitch is...popped up on the infield. Giarratano is under it and he will...make the catch to end the inning, and the White Sox leave the bases loaded."

Oh, crap. Now c.f. chen's got to come off the bench to play the outfield, and we're out of bench players. Well, hopefully it won't be a problem.

It certainly won't if Mercurial Kiko is having one of his bad days, but he fans the pitcher Jones, who they leave in because they, too, are out of bench players (those two ejections were clutch!) for the first out. Wilton Reynolds surprises me by making contact with an 0-2 pitch, but he hits a can of corn, and Reed Johnson strikes out on the tenth pitch of his at-bat to give Calero a perfect inning and send us on to lucky inning number thirteen.

Unfortunately, we have three lugnuts who can't hit left-handed pitching due up. Never mind that they can't really hit any pitching. Enrique Wilson, who's apparently 0-19 in close and late situations (where are his intestines?), makes it 0-20 with a pop-up on the infield. Juan Uribe raps to second, and Jason LaRue flies out to center. You know, now I'm going to be disappointed if we lose this game...but at this point, we're counting on c.f. chen and Raul Gonzalez, so how can you expect to win?

Carlos Pena leads off the bottom of the thirteenth with a single over the head of Julio Lugo, and I'm wondering why I didn't sign a twelve foot tall shortstop. That thought leaves my mind as Calero overpowers Inanimate Carbon Rod to notch out number one. Jason Alfaro flies out and Ty Wigginton, like the sorry ex-Metropolitan that he is, fouls up the benefits of the 3-1 count by tapping a comebacker to the mound. Calero takes six steps over towards The Big Hurt, lobs it, and I feel like I'm marching the friggin' Oregon trail. On to Willamette!

The Big Monstrosity draws a free pass off of what I suspect is a quickly tiring Justin Jones, and now that we've got a baserunner, it's time to play small ball. Of course, that ####### Lugo can't get the bleeping bunt down, and he flies out for his seventh out of the game. Oh-for-seven. I hope you get malaria, Hacktastic Julio. I don't care how many games you win with home runs. Oh-for-seven...!

But amidst all my ranting, c.f. chen does the unthinkable and draws a walk, putting the winning run on second for Buddha. Jones even runs the count full. This could be taken straight out of the Dhammapada!

"Jones from the stretch, and the runners will hold as his 3-2 pitch is...a fastball, and it's popped up a mile high on the infield. 'Infield fly' is the call as Carlos Pena settles under it and...squeezes it, and that's out number two."

What? That's not supposed to happen, damn it!

As Raul Gonzalez digs in, I'm wondering if anyone would notice if I just left. I mean, what the hell is there left to do at this point? And this game's never going to end...

"Two outs here in the fourteenth...the right-handed Gonzalez digs in as Jones sets. The two-one pitch, fastball lined to left field! Base hit! Thomas is rounding third...Reynolds will throw home...here it comes...but it is...not in time! Frank Thomas scores on the Raul Gonzalez single, and the White Sox have a 7-6 lead!"

I pinch-hit Rick Ankiel for Calero after that, but he grounds to first, and I've apparently wasted him as I can't figure out a way to put him in to pitch. No problem, though -- my boy P.J. Bevis is still available!

He walks Nook Logan to start the inning, and a bunt puts the tying run at second. Then the pitcher Jones walks, and I want to go to pitch. Instead, Wilton Reynolds pops out, and it's all up to Reed Johnson.

"One ball, no strikes to the right fielder Johnson, who's one for six. Bevis peers at Logan before focusing in on Jason LaRue. Now he toes the rubber and comes to the set...Johnson digs in. The slide step...the pitch, slider, popped him up. Thomas...in foul ground...settles under it about ten steps away from the first base seats and he will squeeze it for out number three. Ballgame over, and the White Sox win a 14-inning marathon in the truest sense of the word by the score of seven to six."



WP: K. Calero (1-1) - 2 scoreless innings
LP: J. Jones (0-4) - 2.1 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 2 BB, 0 K
S: P.J. Bevis (6) - 1 IP, 2 BB, 0 H, 0 R

Game Ball Goes To... Joe Roa's three scoreless innings gave us a chance, though it's hard not to mention the entire bullpen, which, between five pitchers, went eight and a third innings and gave up just five hits and two walks while fanning seven and not allowing a single run. I know I say this frequently, but -- what a game.

[Vris]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*nudge nudge

Huh? What? Is the game over? They won? *yawn...Nice, good for them. Can we get some ice cream? What? 14 innings? Nice. Sounds like fun. Better them than me, that's for sure.


Excellent game Craig. That's the way it's done. Too bad it was the Tigers and the White Sox. Good game nonetheless.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*nudge nudge

Huh? What? Is the game over? They won? *yawn...Nice, good for them. Can we get some ice cream? What? 14 innings? Nice. Sounds like fun. Better them than me, that's for sure.


Excellent game Craig. That's the way it's done. Too bad it was the Tigers and the White Sox. Good game nonetheless.

By about the 12th, when we had run out of bench players, I was thinking the same thing. But it was worth sticking it out for the win, that's for sure.

[cknox0723]

I really am exhausted right now, so of course I had to come on here and post this for public consumption. You'll see why...

Lefty-masher Raul Gonzalez is two for twenty-two against southpaws, and 6-11 against right-handers. He's also won two games for us in the last two weeks, so I'm not going to complain.

Speaking of lefties, The Buehrle One's turn in the rotation has rolled around, and it's well-timed, because our second game in the Motor City will feature Jeff Suppan, who's beaten us with the arm and the bat twice. I'm slightly paranoid, for some reason, that Buehrle's going to struggle, specifically because he threw 120 pitches last time and I've basically been riding him like a mule all year. He's not 20, he's not Sid Fernandez, no worries. Let's get some runs!

Julio Lugo starts the ballgame by working the count full, the longest he's dragged on a leadoff at-bat this year, and he ends it in typical Hacktastic fashion, trying to check his swing on the payoff pitch, a fastball in the dirt, and failing miserably. Hacktastic Julio's now oh for his last 13. D.Y. and Maggs both hit ground balls to the right side, and that's the frothy, whipped delight of Jeff Suppan.

I take a glance at Alan Trammell's lineup for the first time and it's so freaking astounding that I've got to re-post it here, complete with some basic stats:

C I. Rodriguez (.220, 5 SB)
CF N. Logan (.299, 35 SB)
RF R. Johnson (.323, 53 RBI)
2B J. Spivey (.245, 7 HR)
3B T. Wigginton (.264, 5 HR)
LF R. White (.282, 13 HR)
SS T. Giarratano (.221, 11 RBI)
1B C. Pena (.243, 9 HR)
P J. Suppan (.310 -- go figure)

Needless to say, Buehrle's able to struggle somewhat through the first and still, he only needs 15 pitches to make his way through the frame. Both pitchers match scoreless frames in the second, slinging sharp sliders seemingly slyly.

The third inning looks like it'll be another quick one, as Uribe and LaRue fail to do anything productive except make outs (ask Buster Olney about that one for me), but Buehrle pokes a single to center to give us a bit of a two-out rally. But, of course, Julio Lugo gets into a two-strike hole -- but Suppan's 3-2 pitch is over his head for ball four. D.Y. raps a line drive single to center, and a 1-0 lead's fallen into our collective lap. Buddha grounds into a force out to stem the scoring after a single run, but that's been enough for The Buehrle One in the past.

Today, we may need more, but it's not evident after the third, as Buehrle starts the third inning by retiring the pitcher Suppan (and considering the fact that he entered the at-bat having gotten four hits in five at-bats off of our pitchers, that's not an easy task), and that's evidently a good omen, as Inanimate Carbon Rod and Book Nook Logan go down on three pitches to end the third inning in a deeply symbolic fashion.

In the top of the fourth, Brad Fullmer hits a weak ground ball for a quick first out, but Jeff Suppan's second pitch to Joe Borchard is a slider that fails to slide, and Beet Soup unloads on it, hitting a long home run to right-center to make it two-nil. Suppan's only obstacle in getting out of the inning is a rather sudden 24-minute rain delay, but that doesn't faze him one bit. Despite the half-hour plus wait, The Buehrle One rolls along in the Detroit half of the fourth, too, with the only blemish to his record a line drive single by Junior Spivey that makes no mark beyond its initial line.

Julio Lugo, in a continuing quest to never again get a base hit, draws a two-out walk in the top of the fifth, but D.Y. chops one to short and nothing comes of it. The Italian Stallion, Detroit's answer to The Hacktastic One, leads off the bottom of the inning with a line drive single to left, but Buehrle de-claws the next three Kitties, and though both teams have three hits through five, we're on top. Is it due to Productive Outs? Could be...

Buddha commences the sixth with his first base knock, the ninth straight game in which he's partaken in that at least once, and with the hit-and-run on, Brad Fullmer's slow bouncer to short serves as a sacrifice of sorts. It pays off as Borchy lines a single past Carlos Pena, giving us a 3-0 advantage. A pair of bouncers that Pena handles deftly serve as a quick ending to the inning, but if that's supposed to somehow ruin Mark Buehrle's timing, it doesn't, as he again allows just a lone hit, this time off of Reed Johnson's bat, and two-thirds of the way in, we're up three.

The seventh inning seems as though it'll just be a rehashing of all the others, minus the runscoring on our end, but a parade of pinch-hitters rattles Buehrle and Rondell White, Wilton Reynolds, and Mike Lieberthal each single to make it a 3-1 ballgame. A sacrifice finally gets us an out, but Inanimate Carbon Rod loops a single over the drawn-in infield and that three-run lead has disappeared like so many before. Nook Logan and Reed Johnson go down to end the inning, but now we'll have to score some more runs.

Jack Cressend sets down D.Y., Maggs, and Brad Fullmer to make me hold that thought for a moment, and after The Buehrle One walks Spivey Jr. to start the eighth, I bring in Aki Otsuka, who, of course, immediately allows a hard-hit single to Ty Wigginton, of all people. But a pair of ground balls off the famed barrels of Chris Shelton and Wilton Reynolds get us not just two but three outs, and it's up to both bullpens once again.

The Nelson Cruz Experience does the job for the second straight ballgame, leaving two men on base with an inning-ending ground out off of Frank Thomas's bat. It's up to Mercurial Kiko to give us a chance at another extra-inning win, but he's wild, alternating two of three true outcomes, walks and strike outs, over the first four batters. Reed Johnson, the Felines' third hitter, steps up with the winning run on second for the second straight night, but again he grounds out, and we're in familiar territory -- the tenth inning.

Franklyn "Panamanian German" strikes out Julio Lugo with his heavy forkball for the first out of the tenth, and D.Y. and Maggs go nearly as quickly. This is a guy with an ERA over seven. Oh well. P.J. Bevis has the job of giving us another crack at the Panamanian German, but Ty Wigginton's one-out single turns into a huge threat as Maggs kicks it around in right field, giving Wigginton second as well. But Bevis retires Chris Shelton and Wilton Reynolds and we live to see our twenty-fifth frame in two days.

German retires Brad Fullmer and gives way to Justin Jones, and the rookie southpaw retires Borch and a struggling Enrique Wilson to give the bottom of the Felines' lineup a chance to win it. But Bevis again strands a runner, and it's to the twelvth we go. Brian Buchanan, our second pinch-hitter of the inning, draws a two-out walk to give us a threat against Detroit's second lefty of the day, Scott Downs, but Julio Lugo continues his ridiculous quest by grounding out to second to end the inning. Jorge DePaula is the new moundsman in the bottom of the inning, more out of necessity than anything, and even with his achy shoulder, he still makes quick work of the heart of the Detroit order, needing just nine pitches to send us on to lucky inning number thirteen.

How lucky a number indeed.

"After six pitches, the count's still at three and two to Dmitri Young, batting right-handed against the southpaw Downs. Rodriguez wags a few fingers, pounds his mitt, and settles on the outside half. Here's Downs' second try at the 3-2 payoff pitch...fastball, high and outside and Young reaches out and hammers it to right! Johnson is back...at the track, at the wall...but you can kiss that ball good-bye! Dmitri Young muscles a solo home run to the opposite field to start the thirteenth, and he's given the White Sox a 4-3 lead!"

Maggs flies out and Brad Fullmer hits a simple ground ball to third, making me think that Downs has had enough of his namesake, but Ty Wigginton compounds things by throwing the ball away on Fullmer's bouncer, giving our first baseman not only that bag but second as well. Joe Borchard's intentionally walked for The Relief Ace, who's 0-5, and his slow roller makes it 0-6 but moves up both runners, making The Out-Sucking Machine a big factor. Uribe, of course, takes a called strike three, and it's up to Jorge DePaula to finish this one off.

Good Jorge's dealing today, though, and he toys with Chris Shelton, who barely makes contact on 2-2, taking a big swing at a changeup and hitting the ball about nine feet. Miggy Olivo pounces on it and fires it over to Brad Fullmer for out number one. Wilton Reynolds steps in, and DePaula fires in a fastball right over the outside half for strike one. Reynolds is out in front of a changeup for strike two, and on 0-2, all he can manage on a very nasty change of pace is a weak ground ball to the left side. Julio Lugo charges it, picks the ball cleanly, and fires it across to Brad Fullmer. Two down. Jason Alfaro, one of many light-hitting shortstops in Detroit trying to replace the injured Omar Infante, is all that stands in the way of a Pale Hose victory. DePaula's nasty changeup cuts the plate at the knees for strike one. Alfaro fouls off a fastball up near his eyes for strike two, and DePaula jams him with a two-seamer on 0-2. Alfaro fists it in the air to short, and Julio Lugo squeezes the soft line drive for the third and final out. We've played the equivalent of three games over the last two days, and though we've only gotten two wins out of it, it's been an awfully satisfying two wins.



CHW 4 DET 3 (13)

WP: J. DePaula (4-12) - 2 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R, 1 K
LP: S. Downs (2-3) - courtesy of Dmitri Young

Game Ball Goes To... Tempting to just throw it into the bullpen again, since those guys have given us 14 scoreless innings in the last two days, but Joe Borchard had three hits, one of which was a home run, and got robbed of a fourth base knock. Perhaps everyone's just afraid that they're going to be traded.

[canadiancreed]

Damn nice clutch bullpen action

wish I coudl borrow your guys for my league, they're letting runs go faster than farts at a chilli compettion.

[Vris]

Hey Craig, feel like playing just 9 innings? What is up with that? 2 straight extra-extra inning affairs against the Purring Kitty Cats. Do you just love baseball that much that you want to play that many innings?

Seriously, that's pretty amazing. And you won them both! Even better! Maybe if you won more games like this earlier in the season, you'd have more readers.

Julio Lugo, in a continuing quest to never again get a base hit

That had to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. TC, KUTGW!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by canadiancreed

Damn nice clutch bullpen action

wish I coudl borrow your guys for my league, they're letting runs go faster than farts at a chilli compettion.

You can have Shingo Takatsu; hell, I'd pay you to take him!

Originally Posted by Vris

Hey Craig, feel like playing just 9 innings? What is up with that? 2 straight extra-extra inning affairs against the Purring Kitty Cats. Do you just love baseball that much that you want to play that many innings?

Seriously, that's pretty amazing. And you won them both! Even better! Maybe if you won more games like this earlier in the season, you'd have more readers.

That had to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. TC, KUTGW!

And people say that the players are only in it for the money nowadays. Not us, damn it!

But personally, I'm glad that we're playing well now as opposed to earlier. I mean, I think the pressure of a pennant race would cause me to crack and forget a snappy nickname like The Out-Sucking Machine.

This way, we're playing well anyway, and I finally got an acronym in my favor! 1,000 bonus points for that.

Why 1,000? The number of innings we're going to play in this series, of course.

[cknox0723]

As the deadline for trades where we, in the immortal words of Spec Richardson, "don't have to get waivers", ticks nearer, the Pale Hose are coming together like Liverpool's finest. We've won four straight, and this recent string has guaranteed us a July record that will be our best yet, as we currently sit at 14-9.

Our road back home will start after today's ballgame, and though I'd love to end with a sweep, we'll have had our first plus .500 road trip regardless. To go out with a bang, The Hypothetical Power Forward will have to outduel studly young Rich Harden. It's a tall task, but who better for it than a 6'10" could-have-been NBA'er?

A hot start can do wonders to make me think that we're up to that task, and lo and behold, that's exactly what we get. Hacktastic Julio slaps Harden's second pitch past Carlos Pena for a real, live base hit, his first in some 16 at-bats and 20 plate appearances. Sensing the chance at a double play, our management team calls for a hit-and-run, and D.Y. smacks the first pitch he sees past both Julio Lugo and Junior Spivey, giving us men on the corners. Maggs draws a free pass on a 3-2 fastball that's a good six inches outside, and the bases are loaded for Brad Fullmer.

Braddy Bunch strikes out on three pitches, of course, and the count runs full on Joe Borchard. Just...don't...strike...out...Joe...

"Harden winds and here comes the 3-2, fastball hit hard to the right side. Spivey fields...bobbles it slightly, flips to second for one...but that's all. Joe Borchard's fielder's choice brings home Julio Lugo, and the Sox have a 1-0 lead."

Juan Uribe quickly takes two strikes, and I've resigned myself to one run, for one is more than we had. But Uribe fouls off a tough pitch, takes a fastball high, and then Harden catches too much of the plate with a 94 mile-an-hour heater. Uribe lashes it down the left field line, and by the time Rondell White has webbed it and quacked it back in to the infield, Uribe's got himself a standup double and we have ourselves a three-run lead. A standup chap, that Juan Uribe is. Joe Crede bounces to third to end the inning, but even I can't be cranky at him for that.

And Jon Rauch looks darned grateful to have that lead, coming out dealing against the top of the Tiger order. Leadoff hitter Nook Logan goes down on three strikes, the third a nasty 12-to-6 breaking ball that he misses by a foot. Tony Giarratano bounces to short on a 1-0 fastball, and Adrian Beltre hits a tapper to the other side of the infield on the second pitch he sees that Juan Uribe handles deftly and fires over to Brad Fullmer for the third out. That might have been the best inning we've had all year.

The second inning's not quite as pretty. We go down in order, and Rauch gets in trouble after getting two deep fly outs, hitting Carlos Pena and then giving up a single. But an intentional walk to bring up the pitcher pays off as Rich Harden flies out to center, leaving the bases loaded.

By the third inning, I'm starting to think that I might be watching Andersen's The Ugly Duckling. Harden sets our three best hitters, Young, Ordonez, and Fullmer, down with ease, and Rauch gets back into trouble. Tony Giarratano draws a one-out walk, swipes second and moves to third on a wild throw from Jason LaRue, and a fly ball to center brings him home to cut the lead to 3-1. Still, there's two outs, but singles by Rondell White and Reed Johnson give the Tigers a threat. A wild pitch puts both in scoring position for the dangerous Northeastern alumnus, Carlos Pena.

"Rauch from the wind...the 3-1 pitch is a fastball and Pena lines it to the gap in left-center. Dmitri Young on the run...he dives, and...OH, BABY, WHAT A CATCH! An all-out diving effort from Dmitri Young, and that keeps the lead in the hands of the Pale Hose by the count of 3-1!"

Rauch and Harden's pitch counts both edge around sixty after one-two-three fourth innings on both ends, and they move nearer to 70 amidst a 48 minute rain delay and a handful of at 'em balls in the fifth. Both pitchers get excellent defensive work from second basemen Uribe and Spivey in the sixth, and Rauch caps off the inning with a strikeout of Carlos Pena. That's fifteen straight retired by Rich Harden, and nine for Rauch as we enter the realm of the seventh frame.

Harden's quasi-perfect game ends after seventeen batters, not due to a hit or walk but because Alan Trammell calls on Nelson Cruz to retire Joe Crede, of all people. He does, but only thanks to a diving grab by Adrian Beltre. I, on the other hand, prefer to push my pitchers like an '87 Volvo, and Rauch is up to the task, setting down the bottom three of the Detroit lineup right in order.

In a Jamesian move, Detroit closer Fernando Rodney comes on for the eighth, and he continues to hold us hostage. I go to LTOGY Mike Gallo, and he gets three ground balls to keep the 3-1 lead intact for the ninth.

We get a base runner for the first time since the first when Rodney walks Brad Fullmer after getting D.Y. and Maggs to both ground to second, but Joe Borchard bounces into a 5-4 force to keep the semi-no-hitter fully intact.

Nonetheless, it all comes down to what the Tigers can do against Joe Roa in the bottom of the ninth. Ty Wigginton pinch-hits for the pitcher and hits a shot to the right side, but Juan Uribe makes a diving stop...and can't make the throw to first in time. Oh well. But it's a big "Oh well" after Reed Johnson singles to put runners on the corners. Carlos Pena strikes out, and Ivan Rodriguez hits a slow ground ball to third that Joe Crede makes a nice play on -- to no avail, as Inanimate Carbon Rod is called safe. I go out and argue, also to no avail, and now it's a 3-2 game. Jason Alfaro pops out to put us one out away, and all that stands in our way is someone named Wilton Reynolds.

"Roa, from the stretch...the 2-0 pitch, slider swung on and lined to center field! Base hit! Sanchez will round third and score without a throw, and we have a tie ballgame! Wilton Reynolds comes through for Detroit!"

Nook Logan steps up with a chance to send the home crowd home happy, but Roa strikes him out and...well, what would this series be without another extra-inning match?

Jack Cressend's the new pitcher in the tenth, and Juan Uribe greets him by swinging at a pitch over his head...and just getting enough of it to bloop it over the infield. And finally, after eight innings of being no-hit, we have our first hit since the three-run first inning. Finally. Franklyn German comes on, and I pinch-hit for Joe Crede, that rat bastard, with The Relief Ace. And Enrique comes through, lining a single to center to give us runners at first and second. I pinch-hit again, going to Miguel Olivo in lieu of Jason LaRue in hopes of getting a sacrifice down and giving another pinch-hitter and Julio Lugo the chance to win it. Of course, he can't get the bunt down. These young guys just don't know the fundamental parts of the game anymore...

"Two balls and two strikes to Olivo...German checks the runners, peers in at Rodriguez. A nod...Olivo digs in, and here it comes...fastball, ripped past Pena, down the right field line, and that'll roll all the way into the corner! Shelton's still chasing it down as Olivo's heading to second...and he's not going to stop there! The relay in to Alfaro...the throw to third...not in time! Uribe and Wilson score, and backup catcher Miguel Olivo laces a pinch-hit triple to give the Sox a 5-3 lead!"

c.f. chen pinch-hits for Roa and hits a fly ball to left deep enough to score Miggy. Hacktastic Julio and D.Y. go down without a fight, and here's our second try at getting three outs.

The only somewhat-rested guy, Wild Thing, is my choice for the bottom of the tenth. He retires Tony Giarratano on an infield pop-up and it looks as though it'll be smooth sailing, but Mike Lieberthal singles and Ankiel walks first Ty Wigginton and then Chris Shelton. I take a deep breath, but do nothing, and Ankiel fans left-handed Carlos Pena for the second out. The fate of this one rests in the hands of Inanimate Carbon Rod, and the law of averages (namely, his .225 mark) wins out. Ankiel induces a ground ball to short, Julio Lugo flips it effortlessly to Juan Uribe, and we've pulled off what, for us, may well be the unthinkable -- a sweep on the road.



CHW 6 DET 3 (10)

WP: J. Roa (5-1) - 1 IP, 4 H, 2 R, but he knows how to win
LP: J. Cressend (2-5)
S: R. Ankiel (1) - you make me heart sing

Game Ball Goes To... Miguel Olivo, whose .246 on-base percentage against right-handers is a lot easier to swallow when he hits pinch-hit triples in the tenth inning. Honorable mention to Detroit pitchers from innings two to nine and everybody in Comerica Park who had to witness a sweep at the hands of the powerhouse that is the Chicago White Sox. Back home we go!

EDIT: Greetings and salutations to The One True Sox Fan as well as the guy who's either not logged in or not signed up for these forums -- don't worry, my opinions are neither relevant, sufficient, accurate, nor representative of the views of the rest of the members of these forums.

[canadiancreed]

Sweetness!

althought eh edit is kidna confusing

but i lable that to sleep deprivation

cant wait for the next one if you wnt to see hwo NOT to play baseball, check out my thread

[Vris]

*gulp


That's gotta be some sort of record. 3 wins, all on the road, all in extra innings. And getting no hit for 8 innings and still almost pulling out the win? Is there anything your team can't do? That's quite the series sweep, even if it is over the Raging Ball of Fire that is the Detroit Tigers. What else can be said?

Umm...

That's my momma!


*walks away dejectedly

[canadiancreed]

heheheh coudlnt have said it better myself

[Y0DA55]

The last couple games have been strikingly similar to the BoSox/Yanks games.... A whole bunch of extra frames, a team called the Sox won in exciting fashion. It just shows that you've got heart, miles and miles of heart.

They just don't teach that.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

*gulp


That's gotta be some sort of record. 3 wins, all on the road, all in extra innings. And getting no hit for 8 innings and still almost pulling out the win? Is there anything your team can't do? That's quite the series sweep, even if it is over the Raging Ball of Fire that is the Detroit Tigers. What else can be said?

Umm...

That's my momma!


*walks away dejectedly

Well put, I think. Well put.

Originally Posted by Y0DA55

The last couple games have been strikingly similar to the BoSox/Yanks games.... A whole bunch of extra frames, a team called the Sox won in exciting fashion. It just shows that you've got heart, miles and miles of heart.

They just don't teach that.

Miles and miles of heart, huh? We've heard that one before, I think, but damned if I knew what that meant.

Yoda: "I am wondering, why are you here?"

Yoda: "Control, control. You must learn control."

Yoda: "It is the future you see."

Some sort of deep meaning in all of this...I'll have to meditate on it. Thanks for the quartet of comments.

[cknox0723]

Normally, I'd rant here about all sorts of trades and the like, since it's Trading Extravanganza time, but quite frankly, most of the trades are nonsense -- for the first time, I definitely see a flaw in place here, and it's that the AI acts without any regard to any logic -- rebuilding with one trade, trying to trade for a veteran the next. And there are, or so it seems, 80,000 trades, so I'll merely look at how the AL Central's been affected by all of this.

The Cleveland Indians have a comfortable four and a half game advantage, but they weren't content to rest on their laurels, strengthening the 'pen by adding Armando Benitez from Cincinnati and Mike Koplove from Arizona, all for fringe prospects. They also added the veteran Robin Ventura for the second consecutive year, though he's an upgrade only because Mark Bellhorn's hitting .183.

The second place Twins responded emphatically by doing absolutely nothing. Well, that's not entirely true -- they waived Darren Dreifort. "We're getting serious now, guys!"

The Kansas City Royals are in a somewhat distant third, and in that sort of in-between position, made a move in both directions to cover all their bases, or something. Outfielder Abe Nunez came from the Fish for prospects, and Eric Byrnes was shipped on over from Oakland for Miggy Cairo and a non-prospect. Well, at least they have an outfield now.

Through three teams, Detroit turned Josh Fogg into a Brave and Beltran Perez, who's the same guy, albeit not quite, but younger and cheaper, into a Feline.

As for the Pale Hose? Well, we've got about one guy that has any trade value, and that's Dmitri Young, except there's nowhere for him to go. So he will, like Juan Gonzalez, claim that he loves the city and doesn't want to be traded, and that'll make my life easy. In an interesting aside, in this little alternate universe, Gonzalez is also on the Fish, who could use an outfielder, but they're crying poor. If only baseball had a salary cap...

So, uh, the best team in the division got better, the lousy team picked up a young guy, and the other two teams were in the middle, except for the stand-pat Twins. And the Pale Hose did nothing. So much for that AI not knowing what to do!!1

[cknox0723]

We're on another winning streak, this one of five games, but it'll end now that I mentioned it. Well, that, and Esteban Loaiza's pitching, so even if we're facing 31-73 Tampa Bay, we're ultimately doomed. Throw in the fact that both Jorge DePaula and Rick Ankiel are nursing "-cep" injuries, and we'll need a good outing from Loaiza. Ha. Uh, sure. Consider that the 'pen's been absolutely run through the mill recently, and Enrique Wilson, The Relief Ace, is on the bench today for a darned good reason.

But surprisingly enough, Loaiza faces the minimum number of Devil Fishies in the first -- thanks to the golden gun of Jason LaRue, and we set to face the mastery of 5-11 Aaron "Lemon Harang Pie". After eight pitches, it's back to Loaiza, who gives up a single to Luis Matos and then another one-base hit to .320 hitting third sacker Andy Phillips. But light-hitting infielders Deivi Cruz (who, incidentally, is hitting .290 -- but fear not, he's still light-hitting anyway!) and Ramon Santiago both hit ground balls, the latter of which goes for two outs, and Loaiza's out of trouble.

Brad Fullmer doubles to right to start our half of the frame, and two batters later, he scores on a fly ball to left off the bat of Joe Crede. Juan Uribe sucks up two outs to kill the inning (not literally, of course, that would be cruel), but it's 1-0. Don't worry -- it won't stay that way.

Joe Crede makes a lousy throw on what could have been a simple 5-3 ground ball, and after Harang Pie sacrifices, The Woonsocket Rocket makes us pay with a single that plates Toby Hall and ties things up at one. Terrence Long, one of the most hated guys around, raps into a 4-6-3 twin killing, and somehow Loaiza hasn't given up eight runs, so it's OK.

The Mime hits a single back through the proverbial box as we try to grab the lead back, but Loaiza, of course, can't get a bunt down. I'm trying to be nice, Esteban..."Strike three"...I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Jerk. Julio Lugo draws a walk, and all is well for a moment, if not particularly sensible. D.Y. hits into a ground ball to first that goes for a force at second and then a double play because of some b.s. "interference" nonsense, so the inning's over, and at least things make sense again. But why can't I argue that call?

Heart of the Tampa order in the fourth, but they're about as frightening as Chuckles the Clown, and Loaiza has no trouble. I guess you could say the same for our motley crew, though, as Harang turns the same trick in the bottom of the inning.

And that ratfink Loaiza earns his nickname Scourge of the Earth in the top of the fifth. Ramon Santiago doubles to start the inning, and two batters later, the pitcher Harang, hitting .029, drives him home. Normally, that'd be the precursor to one of those eleven run innings that we're so familiar with, but the much-maligned duo of T-Long and Josh Phelps makes about a dozen more outs, so we get out of the inning trailing by a mere run.

However, that's a tall task today against Lemon Harang Pie, so I think now is the right time to mention his 4.20 ERA and 12-11, 4.13 ledger from last season. Yup, he's a decent pitcher. Really.

However, Loaiza keeps it 2-1 through the seventh, and I realize that it's just the combined ineptitude of our clubs keeping the score so low. It's like this magnetic pull, not allowing the 'R' column to stray too far from zero. There's a gigantic south pole of suck that we just can't venture too far away from, apparently, so I guess this game is just a reminder of that.

We threaten in the bottom of the seventh when Fullmer and Crede both reach base, but Juan Uribe grounds out to third to strand them both and keep us chained down. Break free from your chains, Juan! The chains of oppression!

Loaiza rolls on through the eighth, and even though it's the lowly Devil Rays, I'm still impressed. After Jason LaRue flies out to start the eighth on our end, Loaiza's spot in the order rolls around, and I call on Frank Thomas to pinch-hit. A squeezed-out Harang falls behind 3-0, grooves a meatball, and Thomas stings a single to center. That brings changes left and right, "sweeping changes", if you get what I'm saying. Raul Gonzalez in to run. Blaine Neal in to face Julio Lugo, who, of course, grounds out, 1 to 3. Gonzalez moves to second, and southpaw Ray King comes on. I pinch-hit Brian Buchanan for D.Y., who hasn't been much from the right side this year. Buchs battles out of a two-strike hole and wiggles out a walk, and Buddha's got a chance to snatch this victory away from the jaws of the elephant.

"The one-one pitch from King...fastball, bounced right back to him. He'll toss it over to Phelps, and that'll end the inning with the score still in Tampa's favor, two to one."

Mike Gallo comes on for the ninth, throws a bunch of pitches in getting the first two outs, and then throws a bunch more in walking Deivi Cruz. Ramon Santiago steps in and hits a home run, and Carlton is officially on my ignore list. (Ha ha, just kidding!) Rather predictably, we go down in order in the bottom of the ninth. It's, um...great to be home!

TB 4 CHW 1

WP: A. Harang (6-11) - 7.1 IP, 6 H, 1 R
LP: E. Loaiza (4-13) - 8 IP, 7 H, 2 R

Game Ball Goes To... Did you know our stadium seats over 47,000 people? I didn't, either! At least we'll only get 13,169 calls about how we're ripping off the public in search of the almighty dollar.

[UngratefulDead]

Methinks Deivi is the lightest hitting infielder to perpetually hit .290.

Hey, at least Loaiza has been quality for two starts, even if the rest of your team hasn't.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by UngratefulDead

Methinks Deivi is the lightest hitting infielder to perpetually hit .290.

Hey, at least Loaiza has been quality for two starts, even if the rest of your team hasn't.

Well, technically the lightest hitting infielder to perpetually hit .290 was probably Johnny Evers. Or Joe Morgan, but the 60's weren't much of a hitter's era, so he mostly hit around .270. And now he's a fine commentator! You see, everything goes back to Joe Morgan!

Oh, and Loaiza sucks. His last two starts have been nice, but...I won't hold my breath for a third. Besides, then I can't call him The Scourge of the Earth, and I rather like that nickname.

[cknox0723]

"Mark", I said, "You want to stay with the Pale Hose. I want you to stay with the Pale Hose. What'll it take, bud?"

(nods head) "Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh. Well, consider it done, then."

And that's how I spent five years and fifty million bucks on one guy. Good thing it ain't my money!

I realize that I very well may have overpaid for the guy, and I went a year longer than I wanted. But at the same time, I was not about to jerk around with one of the two players worth anything on this team. So now we've got $19.8 million tied up in two guys, plus ten million between the dead weights that are Loaiza and Thomas, though they come off the books after next year. We can afford the bump in Buehrle's salary -- he was making $4.2 million, and $1.6 million will come off the books in the form of Jon Garland's bloated-thanks-to-arbitration contract. Joe Crede and Julio Lugo are another three million, and Dmitri Young's making another millon and a half.

It's finding some money to get decent replacements that will be a problem, but that's why I make the big bucks, right?