Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

in my estimation, it is wise for a competing team to re-tool while they still have many pieces in place, and frank catalanotto does not fit in the los angeles outfield, therefore making a nice trade chit. offseason additions floyd and cameron, both former mets, are wonderful players, and they are joined by incumbents bernie williams and gabe "shanya punim" kapler. shawn green, a 30 home run man, is plugged in at first base, and mark grudzielanek can easily take over at second for f-cat without much dropoff.

or can he?

YEAR	AB	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
2004	537	.270	.339	.389	.728
2005	484	.298	.364	.419	.784
2006	516	.314	.373	.502	.875

that is mr. catalanotto. guess how many players on the pale hose had an .875 OPS last season?

the answer would be zero -- in any number of at-bats. f-cat did more offensively than dmitri young, raul gonzalez, magglio ordonez, and anyone else. in dodger stadium, a pitcher's haven. our home park turned raul gonzalez into an "element" that we could actually use in our lineup. if this guy can really bash baseballs at the clip he put up last year, imagine how much more bruised they'll be in the cozy confines of u.s cellular field.

in a pique of past brilliance, i nicknamed this gentleman "dressing", as in "catalanotto dressing" -- ever put the type of french dressing known as catalina on your salad? like that. it really ain't a bad nickname, if i do say so myself -- catalanotto is the guy you sprinkle all over your lineup if you need some OBP. he can cover the lettuce, at first base or left field. it won't be that delicious, fresh and crisp iceberg lettuce, but it won't be brown and wilting, either. he can envelope the tomato in the land of magglio, and it may be a little bruised, but no problem, even if i do like those hothouse tomatoes better. catalanotto can also ensconce -- ensconce -- the broccoli of second base. i like broccoli. i think i like adam kennedy better, but who the hell cares about that? this is a quality ballplayer who can play a bunch of different positions, though presumably not all at once.

and they want to give us this guy for two kids in a-ball? at 32, he is not over the hill, and while they're probably pushing the limits of their budget with an eighty-some million dollar payroll, is this really where you save three million bucks?

ah, to hell with it. act now, ask questions later.

welcome, frank. we don't deserve you. but maybe you can help change that.

[seth70liz76]

Quality ballplayer, excellent pick up: Either as a super utility or allowing you to move someone else for other parts you need. I think this is the start of something good.

[ifspuds]

I always liked Mr. Dressing, for just the reasons mentioned. Nice pick-up, Pale Hose!

[Y0DA55]

Nice Pickup! I thought you were in need of some sort of jump start. I think your battery has been dead this season and I hope that "Dressing" can be the salad tosser.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by seth70liz76

I think this is the start of something good.

Originally Posted by ifspuds

Nice pick-up, Pale Hose!

Originally Posted by Y0DA55

Nice Pickup! I thought you were in need of some sort of jump start.

agreed and agreed. thanks for the kind words, gentlemen. that is one of the nice things about this sort of format, you can, in some small way, share the excitement of someone else's brilliant move. i doubt this trade will actually turn out "brilliantly" -- i think last year was a career year for "mr. dressing", and he fell into our lap, anyway -- but i have a good feeling about it, at least. knowing that i am not the only one, and therefore not completely insane -- that helps.

by the way, if you've ever read anything like the following before venturing into the world of the pale hose, i applaud you. i certainly hadn't.

Originally Posted by Y0DA

I think your battery has been dead this season and I hope that "Dressing" can be the salad tosser.

but it is a damned shame that we don't read sentences like that more often. a damned shame.

and now, back to baseball. that little break was pretty worthwhile. let's hope the good times and the baseballs struck off our bats both keep on rollin'.

[rem]

holy crap, you're up early. I guess going to bed at a reasonable hour paid off.

[cknox0723]

game viii - chw (1-6) @ nyy (5-1) -

last year's eighth game was... a 7-2 loss @ det behind a typical start from schizo jorge

this year's eighth game might be... e. loaiza (0-1, 7.94) vs. t. clippard (1-0, 5.14)

After lengthy if not necessarily quality starts from Mark Buehrle and Jon Garland, we had a day off yesterday before commencing the final leg of our first long road trip of the year. If nothing else, the bullpen is fully rested and ready, so if we could somehow get an early lead, I think we'll have a good shot today.

And wouldn't you know, with one out in the first, Adam Kennedy takes a vicious cut at a poorly located oh-two pitch and hammers it over Hideki Matsui's head and off the right field fence. After that two-bagger, Magglio Ordonez drops the hammer on another ho-hum fastball, slicing a line drive to the left side and causing a fictional John Sterling to somewhere utter the sweetest of possible phrases..."past a lunging Jeter and into left field." Kennedy tears around third and toward home and weak-armed Randy Winn doesn't challenge him. There's our lead.

And wouldn't you know, after we make outs two and three in that frame, Esteban goes out and pitches a perfect bottom of the first. Yes, that Esteban. No, I don't know how. But who cares how?

The furthest we hit the ball in the top of the second is negative ten feet -- no, I'm not kidding. Jeremy Reed strikes out, taking some ridiculous swing at a fastball. Eric Munson hits a foul pop that some backstop named Lunsford snags near that wondrous screen behind home plate, and Yorvit "The Gremlin" Torrealba takes a called strike three after a decent enough eight-pitch at-bat. We may have hit the ball a negative distance, but it still didn't result in negative run-scoring. Go, team, go.

And Esteban has a few strikeouts of his own. Cleanup man Jason Giambi, leading off the Yankee half of the second, is not addled with steroids in this universe, so his thirty home run power is still there. However, he is subject to the brutal decaying that most all 36 year old first baseman go through, and that and an Esteban Loaiza fastball are enough to convince Giambi to sit down quickly. Funny -- I didn't know Esteban had a fastball in his arsenal.

Brian Giles hits a weak tapper to third baseman Munson, and Hideki Matsui swings and misses and swings and misses some more. The slider is a wonderful, wonderful pitch. We're still winning.

It's early, and it's Esteban. That winning feeling ain't gonna last.

[Vris]

Wasting my 1900 post right here, where it deserves to go.

Dressing certainly looks like a decent pickup, at first. He brings an added dimenstion to the club that is much needed.

But, he is 32. I know it's actually hard to consider this club "rebuilding", since you play few rookies, and more cheap free agents to plug holes. A 32 year old outfielder/semi-infielder just seems to be "walking a thin line". I don't know his entire contract situation (you alluded to it...3 mil is kinda cheap), but is he a long term answer? Or will he be donning yet another new uniform in 2008?

Believe me Craig, I hope Dressing works out. He seems to fit in with the style of ballplayers you got going on in Chi-Town. It just seems like an odd move. Not a bad move, by any means. Just odd. You gave up pennies for him, so it's not like he's a huge investment.

Who gets the boot off the 25 man roster?

[ifspuds]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

and causing a fictional John Sterling to somewhere utter the sweetest of possible phrases..."past a lunging Jeter and into left field."

Maybe it's because it's early here, or maybe it's because I spent most of my night trying to cajole my 5-month old to sleep over wailing sirens and drunken undergrads celebrating the end of finals, or maybe it's because I haven't had any coffee yet, but this made me laugh.

Or maybe it's because it was funny.

Regardless, thank you for the laugh, Craig.

[cknox0723]

hey, a couple-a nice replies!

Originally Posted by Vris

Wasting my 1900 post right here, where it deserves to go.

now, i have written lengthy posts on my sleep habits and ice cream. there is no such thing as a wasted post in the pale hose thread.

but damn straight it belongs here!

Originally Posted by Vris

Dressing certainly looks like a decent pickup, at first. He brings an added dimenstion to the club that is much needed.

But, he is 32. I know it's actually hard to consider this club "rebuilding", since you play few rookies, and more cheap free agents to plug holes. A 32 year old outfielder/semi-infielder just seems to be "walking a thin line".

this is an excellent point and one that did at least cross my mind. it is a similar situation to the scores of minor leaguers that can play both corner infield spots -- most of them can hit enough to play regularly at third, but they can't field the position. and they don't hit enough to be a regular first baseman. those guys are squeezed out, and that's a reasonable definition for most of the "quadruple-a" type players.

and to address your other point, yes, we are definitely rebuilding. of course i don't want to admit that, but it is the truth, even if the team is severely lacking in young talent. does a player like catalanotto really provide much help then, if we're going to lose anyway? well, even the worst of teams are pretty much guaranteed to win 40 or so games. with a few players -- buehrle, ordonez, roa -- we are a dozen, maybe more games above that replacement level. a player like catalanotto will move us ever closer to five hundred, and if a few other pieces fall into place -- chris scarborough wins rookie of the year next this year, we pick up a solid hitter or three -- who knows, maybe we can edge above .500? so for that reason, i say, yes, "mr. dressing" is definitely worth picking up.

Originally Posted by Vris

I don't know his entire contract situation (you alluded to it...3 mil is kinda cheap), but is he a long term answer? Or will he be donning yet another new uniform in 2008?

he is not a long term answer -- second basemen do not age well, and though his versatility is nice, this man is in the major leagues because he can hit quite a bit, not for his glove at any position. i cannot say with certainty that f-cat will be an above-average major league hitter in two years.

but his contract runs through this year and next, and he will definitely be in town for at least that long. his upside with the stick is far above most guys we usually give at-bats to.

Originally Posted by Vris

Believe me Craig, I hope Dressing works out. He seems to fit in with the style of ballplayers you got going on in Chi-Town. It just seems like an odd move. Not a bad move, by any means. Just odd. You gave up pennies for him, so it's not like he's a huge investment.

that last line, which i have bolded, was most important to me. it is an odd move, that i agree with. catalanotto does not fit snugly into a position of need, but he's a fine hitter, even if i don't think he will post an .875 OPS again.

Originally Posted by Vris

Who gets the boot off the 25 man roster?

this i will be able to answer in a bit. of course, "a bit" means a few days, but you'll see why soon enough.

Originally Posted by ifspuds

Maybe it's because it's early here, or maybe it's because I spent most of my night trying to cajole my 5-month old to sleep over wailing sirens and drunken undergrads celebrating the end of finals, or maybe it's because I haven't had any coffee yet, but this made me laugh.

Or maybe it's because it was funny.

Regardless, thank you for the laugh, Craig.

my pleasure. i have had the joy of hearing john sterling say those words far too many times, living in the tri-state area, and its comedic value is so high, especially since so many people don't realize how often it is that jeter doesn't reach those balls. i only wish i could have worked in "ruthlessly pricking the yankees' gonfalon bubble" into my amusing little phrase. now that would have been damned funny!

thank you both for the kind words.

this was quite a long reply, so consider this next post a little bonus, if you would. and what a little bonus it is!

[cknox0723]

Loaiza, at the bat in the third, starts the inning by taking two pitches wide, then getting a fat one and striking a weak bouncer toward the second base bag. Derek Jeter, as is his specialty, charges, fires to first while still on the run, and gets his man. I'm sure he pumps his fist, but it's all good. That play is a beauty to watch, regardless of which side of it we're on -- and thanks to my wondrous capabilities at creating nicknames, the final line of that part of the play-by-play read as follows:

"Good glovework by Gold Glover."

Damn right it was.

Ramon Vazquez apparently attacked an anthill while in the on-deck circle, and with red critters crawling up his uniform, he's in and out of the batter's box in a flash. I hope Adam Kennedy can keep the inning going just so Ramon can get to the trainer's room and keep his uniform hole-free.

"Nothing and one to Kennedy. The right-hander Clippard wipes his hand on his pant leg, paws his glove, nods and gets set. A step back, a little turn of the hips and here's the offer -- fastball, Kennedy's all over it and rips it -- fair, past Giambi and down the first base line! Matsui will dig around in the right field corner as Kennedy roars around first and will head into second as Matsui emerges from the haystack in right field and fires in a needle toward the infield. Kennedy makes the turn at second and -- he'll head back as Marcus Giles fires the ball across to Rodriguez on one hop. Second double of the day for Adam Kennedy and the Sox have life with two out in the third."

Somewhere, an itchy shortstop is clapping. And now we've got another man in scoring position for our man. I am supremely confident in the abilities of Magglio Ordonez, but having come up with a well-timed hit just two innings earlier, it'd perhaps be a bit much to expect him to do it again. After all, a .300 hitter fails 7 out of 10 times he comes to the plate, right?

"Clippard to the stretch and with...a quick kick of the legs, the oh-one is an offspeed pitch, up in the zone and it's a drive to dead center! That ball's got a chance...Giles on his horse...at the track, at the wall, but that ball just took a big hop off one of the old black center field bleachers in the House that Ruth Built! Magglio Ordonez, with one thunderous blow of the lumber, hits a two-run tater, his third of the year, and the White Sox are up three to nothing."

A .300 hitter may fail seven out of ten times, but Maggs was hitting .333 entering that at-bat, nine for twenty-seven. Oh, how I underestimate him. Never underestimate a man in harmony with his inner self.

So how does Esteban respond to this monumental lead?

SS Derek Jeter:
Base on balls.

C Trey Lunsford:
Base on balls.

Oh, mercy, Esteban, you're one poorly placed pitch away from blowing that nice lead. Please, please, please, just make it quick and painless.

[cknox0723]

But then the pitcher Clippard can't get a sacrifice down, and we move from men at first and second with no one out to men at first and second with one out. Up steps leadoff man Marcus Giles, who takes a fastball for a strike, then gets one of Loaiza's patented sweeping curveballs. Little Giles takes a big, winding cut, and hits the ball hard to the left side -- but Jeter's his teammate, so there's no lunging infielder for the ball to squirt past. Instead, Eric Munson handles it deftly enough, chucks it over to Adam Kennedy covering second, and that starts the most beautiful of plays, the 5-4-3 double play. Disaster? What disaster?

The last six innings are really irrelevant. With three innings like that, how could we possibly lose? That was not a sunrise -- that was an aurora.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by cknox

With three innings like that, how could we possibly lose?

Who the hell am I kidding? This is the Pale Hose we're talking about. Of course we can find a way to lose.

Originally Posted by cknox

The last six innings are really irrelevant.

Well, that's kind of a silly thing to say, isn't it? Perhaps the biggest load of bullsh*t since an Esteban Loaiza start.

And with a 3-0 lead, our bats go into a slumber in the fourth and fifth, Adam Kennedy's third double notwithstanding, but this strange Esteban guy allows the Yankees only a walk over those two frames. If you're keeping score at home, the home team still has a zero in the hits column entering the sixth inning. Randy Winn finally changes that with a two-out knock to right, but Alex Rodriguez slaps at a breaking ball, somehow beating it all the way out to Magglio Ordonez, who hauls it in easily, and we retain our three-run lead through six.

Southpaw Pedro Feliciano provides some relief for the young northpaw Clippard in the top of the seventh, and when Jason Giambi leads off the bottom of the frame with a sharp line into center field, it looks as though we're going to see the real Esteban soon enough. But two ground balls and an infield pop-up later, it's apparent that if this is a dream, there ain't much more time for the Yankees to wake up.

Pedro Feliciano, overextended in being asked to work a second frame, puts all sorts of guys on base for us to knock home, but only Jeffrey Hammonds can come through with a ribbie. Every run helps, but we could have put the game away there. Then someone named Lunsford singles to start the eighth -- shouldn't an Empire have a catcher with a more imposing name than Lunsford? -- but "IHNPPaaRPS, EOISTY" Sardinha whiffs and Marcus Giles hits into a rally-killer. This really is a dream, isn't it? Don't wake me.

Scot Shields brings the defeated attitude of his entire team out to the mound in the ninth and hands us three more runs, giving me enough comfort to send Loaiza out to try to finish this one off himself.

The result? Winn flies out to the warning track in left, Rodriguez hits a one-hopper to Munson at third, Giambi hits a ball that bounces three times before sticking in Ramon Vazquez's glove, and even as the ball's tossed across the infield to end the game, I'm still expecting someone on the Yankees to hit 57 home runs so we lose by 9. Instead, I get to watch a purple smiley face run back and forth. I feel like doing the same.



CHW 7 NYY 0

WP: E. Loaiza (1-1) - yes, that E. Loaiza threw a complete game three-hit shutout
LP: T. Clippard (1-1) - 6 IP, 6 H, 3 R

Game Ball Goes To... Do you give it to the man who single-handedly stifled the Empire, or the man who beat the hell out of them with 5 hits, 4 of which went for two bags at a time? Loaiza or Kennedy? It's a grand world when your toughest decision is not what pitcher to bring in, but whose back to pat. After this one, my arms are going to be awfully sore, but it's the good kind of sore.

[CTSoxFan]

LOAIZA!

What a game, goooo Esteban

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by CTSoxFan

LOAIZA!

What a game, goooo Esteban

oh, man, i was screaming the same thing -- the same thing -- as that one wound down. particularly the ninth -- i expected him to at least give up a run or two, but i should have known better. it will make the next lousy start that much more painful, but that's ok. thanks for sharing my unbridled glee.

and here is an appropriate reply from a few days back, that i somehow missed:

Originally Posted by remangiii

holy crap, you're up early. I guess going to bed at a reasonable hour paid off.

heh. if only you knew, my friend, if only you knew.

glad to see you around here, rem.

[cknox0723]

frank catalanotto will not be joining the team until our first homestand. the delay supposedly stems from his deep-seated hatred of the steel drum...or maybe it's that his wife and three year old daughter were brought in by the department of homeland security. something about code orange on the national security alert...i don't know. whatever the case, fifth outfielder brian anderson will be happy. he'll get two more days of service time, which will probably add 46 cents or so to his pension, down the line. and, hey, with the inflation of salaries in baseball in the last 20 years, those 46 cents could be worth millions in 2035. millions, i tell you.

adam kennedy leads the free world, or at least the american league, in batting average, runs created per 27 outs, and on base plus slugging percentage. also doubles, of course. kennedy had more two-base hits in that last game than anyone else in the entire league has had in the first eight or nine games. well, except orlando hudson, who has 5 doubles in this young season, but don't worry about that. kennedy's start has been so brilliant that even if our second baseman doesn't get a single hit in his next 76 at-bats, he'll still be hitting .120. remind me of that in three weeks when kennedy's setting the friggin' clubhouse on fire in an effort to get the demons out of his bats.

brendan donnelly has had quite a good start to the season, pitching 10 innings in 6 appearances, allowing 4 hits and one walk and striking out 17 while obviously holding the opposition scoreless. he appeared in all three games in anaheim's season-opening sweep in texas, pitching five and two-thirds and fanning nine. however, this man has just 12 career saves, so it's obvious that joe roa would kick his ass in a rumble.

joe crede is ten for his first thirty with three doubles, four home runs, and nine runs batted in, second in the american league. perhaps the missouri native is simply more comfortable playing his home games at jacobs field. i hope beyond hope that saint charles native mark buehrle is not also part of that mold.

i briefly considered ending this thread once and for all after that last game. of course it was never entirely serious (seeing as i'm posting some twelve hours later), but that was about as perfect a game as you could possibly have, short of a 27-up, 27-down perfect game. can you really blame me for wanting to grab on to that and not let go? there will be a time in the future where those sort of games can become more than brief rays of sunlight amidst dark, dark clouds; that is, if my managerial skills are more than just reputation. but i want to get to that point, even if it means a thousand losses in the meantime.

speaking of that, i have absolutely no faith that we are on the verge of our first winning streak of the season. however, i had no faith in esteban, either, so who the hell knows?

[Vris]

Great win Craig! That's the confidence booster this club needs!

(or, you need..rather)

[The Funk]

For crying out loud! If I wanted to hear about a pathetic bunch of appaulingly mismanaged losers getting their asses handed to them on a silver platter every day I'd just re-read the first thread. Win some bloody games! (This would have been funnier if you'd lost to the Yankees. ****ing Loaiza, you can always trust him to screw you over.) Still, I suppose it wouldn't be the same +1 Hose we all love and ridicule if you actually suceeded.

[The Funk]

p.s. Hi. (+1)

[Vris]

Hey, who are you? Get out of this thread!