Strangeverse

[pauwoo]

Los Angeles Kings (11-13, .458, 4th NL West) @ San Francisco Seals (10-14, .417, 5th NL West)
So, this one is a tossup – I don’t know who will come out on top of this battle of the cellar dwellers. We’ve both gone 4-6 over our last 10, won our last contest, and have pitching staffs that are both vying for the title of worst in the majors. We’ve been the ultimate paper tiger so far in 2078 – less than the sum of our parts, subpar in every facet of the game, and an embarrassment to the community we intend to represent. At least, in San Francisco, the fans expected them to suck – so they’re merely living up to the not-so-lofty expectations that their fanbase harbored at the outset of this campaign. Us, on the other hand, are an underperforming, not quite ready for primetime band of ragamuffins that have relentlessly fed the sports talk community a steady diet of anecdotes that all end with the host calling for my head. But, hey, it’s better to burn out than to fade away, right?

26 of 162: Trevor Dotson (0-1, 4.76) @ Gareth Bertrand (0-4, 9.82)
Win, 6-5. The Seals nearly made a game of this one in the bottom of the 9th when they put two runs on the board against Barbaccia, who was unsuccessful in his attempt to blow three saves in a row and instead, by the grace of some higher power, gets his 7th save of the year in this one… Zody drove in three runs, Otto, OH HONG, and Daniels each struck out twice, and we got two SAC FLIES (Zody & McTaggart REPRESENT). Dotson gave up 3 over 4 innings before leaving the game with a sore back – he’ll be out for a week or so…

Elsewhere: Brooklyn Ace, Merl Crawford, pitched a complete game shutout over the Pittsburgh Steelers. Brooklyn won the game by a score of 5-0… Merl is a good case study in my style of General Management – get a prospect, promote him to the big club, grow frustrated with his early performance, trade him to another club, and sit back and watch him flourish in a kit that doesn’t say Los Angeles across its chest. SP Rad Taylor, your boy out here trying to make his dream a reality in the CITY OF COMPTON, pitched an 8.2 inning gem for the Raiders in their 2-1 win over the Sugar Land Skeeters – he allowed 4 hits & 1 run in the outing and K’d 7 batters on his way to earning his 1st W of the season. Let’s not get too excited though – he’s 1-3 with a 3.41 ERA so far. Megan’s Supremos won their first series of the season in a thrilling 3-2 victory over the Gamecocks in Bush League play – SP Hayden Lanman, a career minor leaguer in the St. Louis organization (he spent the better part of 8 seasons flexing a Sugar Land kit and only pitched a grand total of 57.2 innings in the bigs), earned the win on 5 innings of suspect work where he allowed 2 runs and 6 hits while striking out 5 batters. And, lastly, LF Jo Jo Jackson hit two ding dongs in the Cowboys’ 9-8 loss to the Seattle Sounders – Jo Jo is currently 2nd in the league in jacks @ 9 total and 3rd in the league in K’s with 35 so far this year… his teammate, SS Asier Gomez, is ranked 2nd for K’s with 35… in three less AB’s.

26 of 162: Paul Yeager (1-2, 6.03) @ Landon Sampson (2-1, 4.01)
Loss, 6-5. CF Turner Williams walked us off in the bottom of the 10th when he punched out a Solo HR off, you guessed it, CL Steven Barbaccia, who has now blown 4 of his last 5 save attempts and takes the L in this one. OH HONG brought one in on a SAC FLY and also GIDP’s TWICE. So – a little bit of everything from him today.



27 of 162: Newton Weiser (3-2, 5.70) @ Adam White (1-2, 7.07)
Loss, 4-3. Homers from OH HONG & Dontrell weren’t enough to get us over in this one as Scott Kaszuba’s 3-run homer in the bottom of the 2nd proved to be the game-winner despite Newton managing to stay in the game for another 6 innings after he put it out of the park. Ethan’s 15th stolen base, our 3 tasty DP’s, and a nice SAC BUNT from Otto don’t classify as the type of highlights that wash the taste of yet another loss out of your mouth – so, instead, we’ll just cry ourselves to sleep tonight and try not to think about baseball. What font should I use on my resume? Comic Sans? I think I may need to think about updating it here soon…

Some rumors Megan clued me into recently… According to my former assistant, who is as well connected as anyone in the baseball world (and better than most), has been hearing a persistent rumor that the owner of my LA Kings, Phil Murray, has been toying with the idea of trading OH HONG, Minor Leaguers Kordell Littles & Orlando Vasquez, and myself to the Vancouver Giants for Arthur Grant, Burt McElheny, Ignocencio Guajardo, Toddrick Carr, and their GM, Sabastian Aby – who is a 37-year old analytics wunderkind who holds three degrees from MIT and a patent on the Jetpack technology that may, one day, make that dream a reality. I’ve contacted my lawyer to see if this type of move is even within his power as an Owner and am waiting to hear back – she hasn’t been returning my calls in a timely fashion since I badgered her into filing a suit against the makers of Mounds Bars to refute their claim that they only use organic coconuts in the filling – turns out that claim is, in fact, legit. Listen – you have to fight for what’s right, even when it was already right to begin with.

[pauwoo]

2078 Season (5/6 – 5/8)
Los Angeles Kings (12-15, .444, 4th NL West) @ Dallas Cowboys (14-15, .483, 5th AL West)
Another team who is mired in the early season doldrums – albeit a club that should, by now, be 5-6 games off our pace. Except that our pace isn’t as sturdy as one would have thought it’d be – in fact, what we’re doing is the antithesis of pace, we’re running in place and making little to no progress in the process. Dallas is a fun team – more fun than good, really – they brought in Jo-Jo Jackson, a free-swinging power bat who is as likely to chase a bad pitch as he is to hit one out and are currently 4th in the AL for HRs. Power is not their problem – it’s batting average, starters ERA, and all things defense that is holding them back so far. And, while these would seem to be things we could/should take advantage of, with the way we’ve been playing all bets are off – I mean it, man – I don’t know how this thing is going to go.

28 of 162: Aiden Jensen (1-2, 4.75) @ Victor Fuller (2-3, 7.62)
Win, 6-2. Aiden gave us 8 strong ones – 6 K’s & 2 earned, Zody drove in a run, and Ethan went 2 for 4 with TWO BOMBS, 3 RBIs, and 2 runs… Barbaccia looked good in picking up his 8th save (let's hope that his troubles are behind him now), Ethan swiped his 16th, and OH HONG anchored 3 DP’s.

29 of 162: Michael Brisk (2-3, 4.91) @ Jonathan Salcido (4-1, 3.63)
Win, 11-4. A costly win as we lost OH HONG to an oblique strain – he’ll be out for a few weeks… Brisky went deep – almost completed the game for us – and gave up 4 runs while striking 9 out, Otto hit a 3-run blast, Gay drove 3 in, and DOM struck out 3 times and brought in two runs… a bit all over the place for him, but we’ll happily take the win. On the Brightside – his injury may have saved me the embarrassment of being the first GM traded to another team for an unproven stats nerd.

Elsewhere: Tom Franzone, who should need no introduction, went 3 for 4 with a double, 2 jacks, 3 ribbies, and 3 runs in Pittsburgh’s 8-3 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars. Currently, Franzone leads the league in HRs at 12 and is batting at a .306 clip. He’ll be a free agent in 2080 and when that happens, I expect him to set a new record for the most lucrative contract.


30 of 162: Trevor Dotson (0-1, 5.14) @ Jaiden Thomas (3-1, 4.30)
Win, 13-2. SWEEP! Dotson gave up only two earned runs in a complete-game performance where he adds 8 K’s to his register, Rajkumar hit a 3-run ding dong, and Dontrell Gay went 2 for 2 with a HR, 3 RBI, and 3 runs… 2 RBIs for Ethan, Zody, and Marshburn, Ethan gaffled his 17th bag (he currently leads the majors in that category), and we took full advantage of two errors committed by the Cowboys. Great win, timely sweep, and it’s starting to feel like we are getting this thing back on the rails.

2078 Season (5/10 – 5/12)
Los Angeles Kings (15-15, .500, 3rd NL West) @ Seattle Sounders (17-15, .531, 4th AL West)
Like us, the Seattle Sounders are, on paper, a much better club then they’ve displayed so far – they pair a great offense with a good staff but have been without the services of the 3-Time Pacheco Winning SP Bradley Hughes since the start of the season – he’ll be out for a couple more weeks before rejoining the club. Once he’s back – lookout… Seattle is a contender, for sure, and have an outside chance of, if they get hot at the right time, taking this thing all the way to the promised land. Currently, the Sounders lead the AL in homers and baserunning – they score in bunches and are solid defensively. In short, they look to be the exact kind of club that should sit at or near the top of the table…

Elsewhere: While our players were enjoying a day off, Jo Jo Jackson, of the Dallas Cowboys, busied himself by going yard TWICE in a contest against the Phoenix Suns – his Dallas Cowboys lost the contest, but the free-spirited, free-swinging, and extremely hard-working Left Fielder gave his hometown fans something to cheer about. Jackson is now second in the majors for HRs at 11 and is also 2nd in the majors in K’s at 44…

31 of 162: Paul Yeager (1-2, 6.03) @ Mark De La Cruz (3-3, 5.08)
Win, 3-0. We extended our streak to 4 wins here on the back of a solid performance from Yeager who gave us 7.2 hard-scrabble innings of work and held Seattle scoreless during his time on the bump and added 8 K’s for good measure. Barbaccia gets his 9th save, McT improved his batting AVG to .385, and Ethan put out his 6th HR. We’re on something of a roll now – dig it.

32 of 162: Newton Weiser (3-3, 5.21) @ Kenny Lurie (3-2, 4.81)
Win, 3-2. Newton was loose for 7 innings – he gave up 12 hits, but managed to navigate the rough seas more often than not – he walked a couple, let a couple of runs get across, and struck out 3 batters – McT kept on hitting – 3 for 5 today, and Otto hit a 2-run homer… 10th save for Barbaccia, 7th double for DOM, and we got a nice 16-pitch hold from Garcia with 2 K’s.

33 of 162: Aiden Jensen (2-2, 4.23) @ Robinson Padilla (1-0, 4.19)
Loss, 5-3. Aitor Cubas, now leading the MLB in jacks, went yard twice for Seattle, and former King (by way of the Lakers), Archie Imanov, hit a solo HR in the Sounders’ 3-run bottom of the 6th. 2 of the 3 HRs came off Jensen who went 6.2 innings with 4 earned runs. Otto drew three walks and hit a SAC FLY, and we stole two bags including the 18th for Ethan.

Elsewhere: Megan’s San Marcos Supremos improved to 7-5 on the year thanks to 1B Tom Pyzik, who hit 2 HR and drove in 4 runners, and 1B (acting as a DH today) Christopher Merrill, who hit a GRAND SLAM in the top of the 2nd. Merrill went undrafted out of LSU in 2073 and took 3 years off from baseball before his passion for the game was rekindled in the Bush League. He’s spent time in Beaumont and Nolanville in previous stops, and now looks as good as he ever has in a San Marcos kit – he’s hitting .367 with 3 homers and 12 RBIs so far in 2078.



2078 Season (5/13 – 5/15)
Minnesota North Stars (18-17, .514, 4th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (17-16, .515, 3rd NL West)
While their offense continues to rake in 2078, their pitching has plummeted to last place in the National League and SP Matt Olston, who is 3-3 with a 7.88 ERA, has been dropped to 4th in the rotation – Shawna and her brain trust should have known better than to trust that guy to hold water… because… math and stuff. RF Butch Fuentes & 1B Hunfredo Tavares both have 25+ RBIs already (they are ranked 2nd & 3rd, respectively, in the NL) and Yoshimasa Sugawara continues to impress with a .325 average, 4 HRs, and 12 RBIs… We should be able to add to their -35 rDiff (worst in the NL West) over the next three games and get another, much-needed, series win at home.

34 of 162: Adrian Hollyfield (1-0, 1.46) @ Michael Brisk (3-3, 4.75)
Win, 7-4. Otto puts a walk-off, 3-run homer on the board in the bottom of the 9th and McT drove two in during the bottom of the 7th that tied this one up – Minnesota’s pitching just couldn’t hold on to their early lead in this one due to being bad at that facet of the game and our relentless style at the plate. Ethan hit his 1st triple, Dontrell posted a tasty little 2-out RBI, and Brisky labored through 5.1 innings but still manages to get the job done.

35 of 162: Dejuan Burns (3-2, 4.58) @ Trevor Dotson (1-1, 4.20)
Win, 4-3. Barbaccia gave blowing this one his best shot – allowing the two Dotson left stranded in the 9th plus one more get across but ended up with his 11th save instead… Trevor gave us 8 lockdown innings, but started to unravel in the top of the 9th, 3-run HR for McT (who continues his torrid start – and who charged this bomb to Dejuan’s account), and only the top four of our batting order – Ethan, Dontrell, McT, and Otto – come around to score.

Note: We’ve lost Dom for 6 weeks – torn hammy. Yikes. He’s been so durable during my run in LA that I guess it was just a matter of time – Dylan Tucker better come correct over the next month and a half.

Elsewhere: SP Rad Taylor, out of the CITY OF COMPTON, registered 10 K’s in his CG, 4-run, effort against the Newport Beach Gypsies – this is Rad’s 2nd complete game in 5 starts and 3rd winning effort in a row… turning the corner a bit, but still not where we need or expect him to be… his fastball and cutter look really good, but his changeup still hasn’t come around and I’m starting to wonder if it ever will – kid’s already 25 for Pete’s sake.

36 of 162: Octavio Cerver (0-5, 6.34) @ Paul Yeager (2-2, 4.93)
Win, 3-1. Sweep city! Yeager went 8 innings, registered 9 K’s and only allowed a single run to score and Dontrell Gay went 3 for 4 with an RBI and a run. 12th save for Barbaccia in one of the steadiest performances from him in some time – this win came off of a real workmanlike effort from our club. A great result for us here – nice to see the guys dig in and stay focused.

Elsewhere: 3B Pepper Grant hit his 2nd HR of the season for the Portland Timbers in a 5-6 loss at Seattle – So far in the 2078 campaign, Pepper has earned the starting role on the hot corner but is only hitting .232 with 2 jacks and 14 ribbies… he’s still trying to work into a bit of a groove in PDX. It seems that he may have included too many Voodoo Donuts in his dietary regimen as he readied himself for the season. And, Kordell Littles, of your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, recorded 11 K’s in an 8-inning, 3 earned performance and 6-3 win over the Newport Beach Gypsies – the win gives Compton only there 2nd series win of the season. And, lastly, our sweep over the North Stars moved us to 2nd place in the NL West where we are now tied with the Houston Dynamo at 3 games behind the Phoenix Suns… we’re slowly climbing out of the hole we dug for ourselves to start the year.

[BirdWatcher]

Well, if there is a bright side to the Oh Hong injury it might be that this silly trade talk will be put off a bit, and perhaps forgotten entirely?

And Rad Taylor. At 25 and with an underdeveloped change perhaps a good bullpen arm for the big league club soon?

[pauwoo]

Originally Posted by BirdWatcher

Well, if there is a bright side to the Oh Hong injury it might be that this silly trade talk will be put off a bit, and perhaps forgotten entirely?

And Rad Taylor. At 25 and with an underdeveloped change perhaps a good bullpen arm for the big league club soon?

For sure - I plan on moving Rad & Kordell up to the big club in bullpen roles soon - hoping that they are ready and that it will speed up theirs development a bit.

[pauwoo]

Los Angeles Kings (20-16, .555, t-2nd NL West) @ San Diego Chargers (11-27, .289, 6th NL West)
The Chargers are a bad team – let there be no doubt about that – but, San Diego remains a difficult place for us to play. It’s not that their fans are particularly rowdy – they’re not – instead our difficulties here stem from the wealth of off-field distractions that we find at our fingertips each time we roll through. Beautiful beaches, great food, a thriving night club scene, and the superb local talent make this destination a tough one to maintain focus in… we’ll need our guys to stay professional over these next three games to get the result we should here – and, that’s, almost, exactly what we got as we won the series 2-1. Newton gave us 8.1 innings in game one & registered 8 K’s while Barbaccia had stellar command of his fastball and used it to earn his 13th save of the season – Ethan also put his 7th ball out of the park for us in the 6-2 win. Game 2 did not go as well for us – a 3-4 walk-off loss where Barbaccia’s control was an issue as he blew his 4th Save of the season… he’s been so up and down for us at the start of the 2078 campaign – it’s concerning.

Game 3 was a reckoning for the Chargers – we won it by a score of 17-5, hit 5 doubles, 7 home runs, and scored seemingly at will. Otto went off – 3 for 5, 2 jacks, 3 runs, 6 RBIs, and a walk for our resident superstar whose weight, it should be noted, is still at a dainty 145lbs. If he’s going to stay healthy this season, we’ll need to put some meat on those bones… this is the peril of paying a young man obscene amounts of money in a city like LA – all the new age diets, yogis, Scientologists, and young starlets are enough to make a sane man lose himself in its cosmic possibilities. We’re keeping our eye on him – it’s just not doing us much good. Kid’s sneaky. But, for the love of all that is good & pure – EAT A STEAK ALREADY! I’ve put Ms. Foggy on the case – we’ll see what my new assistant has to offer in the sleuthing department soon enough. She claims to hold a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and I, by the power vested in me, have authorized her to choke out his Guru should she come face to face with the weirdo… I’m of the belief that she doesn’t realize that I, in fact, do not have the power to authorize such violence – we’ll cover that if it comes to it. It’s cool, I know a guy…



Bad News Bears: I was informed by my training staff (via text – ugh) that OH HONG’s recovery is not going as planned and that he will require additional “rest” before he is fully healed. This is not ideal – HONG is a big part of my club and our backup at first is garbage.

Some Trades (of the low-key prospecting variety):

• Los Angeles and Green Bay announced some roster changes today as the Kings acquired 27-year-old minor league 2B Mikah Sellers from the Packers in exchange for 22-year-old minor league 3B Deangelo Pantoja.
• 28-year-old minor league RHP Mason Sandoval will now be playing for the Vancouver Giants and 29-year-old C Sueki Kojima, 24-year-old minor league SS Eli Bigham and 25-year-old minor league 2B Ray Martin will be suiting up for the Los Angeles Kings.

That second trade was a mercy killing – Mason was languishing in our MiLB system because we are overstocked on relievers – this trade, while not netting us much of long-term value (outside of another backup catcher to hold us over until Dom’s return), will give him the opportunity to occupy space on Vancouver’s bullpen. He’s good – a worthy MLB arm – we just didn’t have room for his talents on the big club.

Roster Move: We’ve done the unthinkable… Rad Taylor has been promoted to the big club and will, for now, be slotted in as a last resort middle reliever out of the pen. To make room for him on the roster we have to option Joshua Moeller – who I like better than Rad as a reliever – to Compton for some much-needed seasoning. Moeller was 0-2 with a 5.65 ERA in 14 innings of work for the Kings – he’ll be slotted in as the set-up man in Compton. This isn’t permanent – just designed to let Moeller work out some kinks while rad gets a taste of what he’s been working so hard to achieve.

Other notes (of the quick-hit variety): Megan’s San Marcos Supremos are off to a 9-9 start in Bush League play and are currently on a 2-game skid – no worries, oh ye of little faith – my former protégé will whip these guys into shape in no time… mark my words. The NCAA Tourney Bracket has been finalized and we have a record 7-teams from the Unaffiliated Division earning bids. MIT, Polk CC, Blue Mountain State, Binghamton, Fairbanks, Ridgemont CC, and Port Chester University will each vie for an elusive NCAA Championship with MIT having, arguably, the best chance of the bunch.

[pauwoo]

Houston Dynamo (21-19, .525, 3rd NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (22-17, .564, 2nd NL West)
Three days at home in the friendly confines of the East LA Municipal Ballpark performing in front of our people - is, mostly, a good thing. It is, after all, always nice to be surrounded by the comforts of home & armed with the knowledge of where one can find LA’s best Migas... absence does make the heart grow fonder, but, and this one, really, is on me, being at home is not without its challenges. There are phone calls to return, eviction notices to fight, and Chinese takeout leaflets to remove from my doormat - it’s a lot of work, and I’m not a big fan of that (work) or anything associated with it. See, when it comes to being the boss, I struggle... especially when it comes to my assistant. When I hired Ms. Foggy Finkelstein, she of long legs and the frizzy circa-79 era Streisand haircut, there was no orientation, no level setting introductory meeting, and nary an expectation on performance set. She was on-boarded in typical “go do” fashion and has performed exceedingly well in those areas where she has chosen to apply herself. And, now that I’ve tasked her with a top-secret mission steeped in private detection, she will have no time to write down the passwords to my bank and various service accounts. I say this to communicate that, instead of attending our scouting meeting on the Houston Dynamo, I’ve been busying myself by withdrawing funds to pay an assortment of bills followed by stops at each office to stand in line for hours on end in the hopes that the person at the counter will be able to find my past due account based on the very limited information I can provide. What I do know about Houston is simple – they are playing pretty good right now, in fine form, and their bullpen has been lights out. The lineup is serviceable, and they have some pop (4th HR’s) but the current line of thought from my scouts is that they are playing a bit above their heads so far and should come crashing back down to earth any… minute… now.

As it turns out, my presence at our pre-series scouting discussion was wholly unnecessary – it seems that those in my charge are capable of getting on fine without my input. Sort of – I mean, we didn’t get the sweep here but walked away with another series win at a time when those are at a premium. In Game 1, a 7-5 victory, Dotson was dominant over 7-innings and our bullpen was able to lock things down from there – Barbaccia, on form in this one, picked up his 14th save and McTaggart, now hitting .400 for the season, hit one out. Game 2 is where we’d stumble – Yeager was so-so in his start and the offense sputtered a few times but was never able to really purr… but, Game 3, a 12-3 shellacking, was where we were able to assert our authority and really take it to the Dynamo – Dontrell went 3 for 3, OH HONG’s backup, Zach Lavoie, went 2 for 5 with a HR and FIVE RBIs, and Newton – super stud extraordinaire – gave us a 3-run, complete-game effort to earn his 6th win of 2078.

Notes from our Private Eye: No news is not good news – Foggy’s reports read like an Encyclopedia Brown novel where you can only make the wrong decisions… it seems that a purple belt in jiu-jitsu is not an indicator of supreme detecting abilities. All is not lost, however, as she did claim to have some good leads – it’s the 1st class ticket to India that gives me pause though. Look, I told her to find Otto’s guru and, once found, have a stern talk with him… what I didn’t ask her to do is work her way up the Guru pyramid with designs on bringing the whole network down to its studs – I want more Darryl Zero and less Jason Bourne from Ms. Foggy. Of course, I probably should have told her that before I purchased the 1st class ticket to Indira Gandhi International. At this point, it’s all about plausible deniability.

Elsewhere: The G.O.A.T. – Josiah Weber, of the St. Louis Rams, has solidified his name in the annuals of time as he earned his 300th career victory – he is now 2nd All-Time behind Edgar Heredia who won 353 games during his career that started in 2000 and ended in 2021. Edgar recently celebrated his 100th birthday at the Anti-Age Institute’s IV & Wine Bar in his native Bolivia. Josiah’s career has lasted 18 years (including 2078) so far – he’ll need to stay on his current form if he is going to take over the top spot. I’d love to see him stake his claim but am resigned to the fact that it is not the likeliest of outcomes. On the other side of the dial, Jo-Jo Jackson, of the Dallas Cowboys, has officially taken the lead in strikeouts at 62 so far this year – he’ll swing at nearly anything – but he is still only 2nd in total HRs at 14 behind Aitor Cubas of the Seattle Sounders. And, lastly, according to my scouting department, we have 5 pitchers in Compton that are possibly ready for some MLB exposure – we’re fat on pitching it seems… may have to work the phones to unload some of these guys and shore up our infield funnel in the process.



Side note: I’ve received what appears to be an alphabetical substitution cipher in the mail this morning. I, honestly, paid it no mind even though the handwriting looked vaguely familiar – I mean there was no return address, so how important can it be, right? That is until I returned home from the game tonight to find a Chinese takeout delivery man at my door holding a Cap’n Crunch decoder ring in one hand and an order of Hong Kong Noodles in the other. After a tense standoff where he refused to believe that he was at the wrong door – I took the noodles & ring, gave the man my last $30 dollars of cash, and made my way inside despite my understandable confusion. It wasn’t until I heard him scream, “THE CROW FLIES AT NIGHT – KA-KAW, KA-KAW”, that I realized what this was… a message from Foggy all the way from India – maybe she’s in trouble, or maybe she infiltrated an underground network of evil gurus bent on ruining baseball, or it could just be that she needs more money… I’ll figure it out soon enough, just gotta get through this plate of Hong Kong Noodles first – you can’t decode a cipher on an empty stomach. Everybody knows that.

[pauwoo]

Phoenix Suns (28-15, .636, 1st NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (23-19, .548, 2nd NL West)
I arrived at the airport a few hours before the team to enjoy my customary pre-flight double-shot Bloody Mary and guzzled it down while I poured over box scores and waited for everyone to arrive. When they didn’t arrive, I ordered a second and began to skim the headlines in the financial section when my ritual was interrupted by a text message. It seems that my head scout, Zahur Peterson, was about to begin his pre-series scouting report presentation and wondered where I was - from what I gather here, we are, in fact, not traveling to Phoenix for this set and instead will contest the games at our park. That’s embarrassing. So, then, three more days in LA where I alternate my time between running a baseball club and dodging my landlord - it seems that my rent is overdue if her voicemails are to be believed... it could be harrowing given that the Suns, our nemesis, is in town. And, it should be noted that they are the early-season class of the NL West, playing great baseball with lights out stuff from their starting five (3rd NL West), dogged determination at the plate (1st in AVG, OBP, and OPS), and are the purveyors of a perpetual run-scoring machine (1st in Runs Scored) that often instills fear in the hearts of the sturdiest men.

Scores:
43 of 162 – Loss, 2-8. Our starter, Aiden Jensen, faltered and allowed 5 earned in only 6.2 innings of work – he also handed out 3 free passes. We never got going in this one & they never let up.
44 of 162 – Win, 4-3. Brisky was serviceable and managed to leave us in a position to get a win and PH Mikah Sellers, in only his 2nd AB of the season hit a run-scoring single in the bottom of the 10th to walk-off the Suns. Always a satisfying way to get a win against these guys.
45 of 162 – Win, 5-3. Dotson was effective, Rad Taylor gave us 2 scoreless innings in relief, and Barbaccia earned his 15th save… 2 RBIs for Skinny-O, SAC FLY for Rajkumar, and McTaggart swiped his 12th bag. A good effort from the club today.

Notes: Otto is, after that last game, listed as DtD with a knee contusion – I’m convinced that, with some meat on his bones, that never happens. In NCAA news, the final four is set – Binghamton will face East Carolina & Polk Community College will face the LSU Tigers… Megan’s San Marcos Supremos continue to tread water and are now 3rd in the BL Justice Division with a record of 11-12. She continues to try to gain her footing as a GM – she’ll get there, I have faith… And, lastly, I haven’t heard from Foggy – at least I don’t think I have – I did get a postcard in my PO Box with a link and a smiley face written on the back. When I looked it up it brought me to an Instagram pic of a woman enjoying a pina colada on the beach taken from behind. No mention of me sending more money in the frame, so, I’m assuming the picture is not her and instead was sent to me by mistake. Oh, and we're traveling to Pittsburgh next for a 4-game series - this time, when I arrive at the airport, it'll be about more than a double-shot bloody mary and embarrassment - so, I have that going for me.

[pauwoo]

Los Angles Lakers (26-19, .578, 2nd NL West) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (24-23, .511, 4th NL East)
When in Pittsburgh, visiting the Andy Warhol Museum is always on my to-do list - its where mediocre pop art is elevated by virtue of its strange and mysterious source, where the circumstances behind its creation outweigh the actual output. Surrounded by the intent to commodify rote silk screens of movie stars that gave birth to mall art while being immersed in the breadth of technique, style, and the constant deconstruction of his earlier works gives even the most discerning GM confidence that their work is just an exercise in the same repeated over and over with minor tweaks bent on moving forward if not necessarily straight. The Steelers exist on a similar plane - they are a team that seeks to trade on the mythos of a long-forgotten Pittsburgh ethos... where hardhats and harder work have been replaced by the commodification of an Internet connection and artificial intelligence even if they choose to ignore it... a team whose pseudo-industrial approach at the plate (4th in OBP, OPS, and AVG) is augmented by its haphazard approach at the mound (rated 9th as a staff in the NL). Theirs is a team of clear intent, of clearly drawn lines, solid construction, and machine-like game planning. With the Steelers you know what you’re going to get - a reproduction of a reproduction of old-timey baseball... and that is where they present a problem - knowing what you’re going to get and stopping it, as it turns out, are often two very different things.

46 of 162: Paul Yeager (3-3, 4.40) @ Cole Guzman (5-3, 4.86)
Loss, 11-2. We came into Pittsburgh with the best of intentions – we wanted to go steady, maybe get in a little light petting above the waist… nothing fancy. Instead, we got Franzone’d – he went 2 for 4 and charged a 2-run ding dong to our account before this one was finished. Yeager got shelled, Valentine got destroyed in relief, we left 7 on-base, hit into 3 double-plays, and Otto, ol’ creaky knees himself, committed an error that was so flagrant I have half a mind to trade him to the Steelers for a 6-pack of Yuengling and a plate of Smoked Bluefish Pâté.

Elsewhere: SP Kordell Littles, of your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, pitched a 4-hit, 1-run game over 8 innings in Mexico City and RF Aris Anaconda hit a double and a 2-run jack to help our minor league club secure a 2-1 road victory against the Diablos. LSU, after defeating the Polk Community College Panthers by a score of 3-1, will face the Binghamton Bearcats in the NCAA final. Binghamton destroyed the East Carolina Pirates by a score of 9-3 to earn their bid to the championship game. Megan’s San Marcos Supremos have climbed above .500 (they’re now 13-12) after defeating the Dearborn Dilly’s by a score of 5-3… RF Kirk Johnson, who graduated from Binghamton in 2075 (and helped secure their 1st and only NCAA Championship during his senior year) went 3 for 4 with a 2-run moonshot and 2 runs in the win. Kirk went undrafted out of college and has spent the last two seasons in the Bush League attempting to draw some interest from Major League scouts.



47 of 162: Newton Weiser (6-3, 4.19) @ Robby Garrett (5-5, 4.08)
Loss, 2-0. We lost, got shutout, and will be without McTaggart, who sprained his wrist sliding into second… Weiser pitched well – 8 innings, 5 hits, 2 earned (plus 4 free passes… yikes) – it’s just that our offense was nonexistent. Otto & Lloyd Daniels both K’d twice, Zody ground into a double play, we left 5 runners on, and Otto made another error. Tough game to play, probably a tough game to watch, and, just like that, we are playing incredibly poorly once again.

Side Note: It’s been a bit since I’ve heard from Ms. Finkelstein – I’m contemplating sending Zahur out to India on a “scouting trip”. With any luck, he’ll find her and an international signee for us to waste some money on…

48 of 162: Aiden Jensen (2-4, 4.22) @ Gregory Morgan (3-5, 3.07)
Win, 10-7. Well, while Tom Franzone is still not showing any interest in our advances – he put two bad ones out on us today – it was Otto who would have the last laugh… our supermodel skinny superstar went 2 for 5 with a double, a jack, 2 ribbies, and a couple of runs for the game and Dylan Tucker finished with a double and a solo HR. OH HONG made his return to the lineup, 2 RBIs for your boy, Ethan hit his 11th double, we stole four bags, and Barbaccia picked up his 16th save of the year.

Elsewhere: The LSU Tigers claimed their 3rd NCAA Championship by destroying the Binghamton Bearcats by a score of 9-1. SP Howard Griffin gave the Tigers a complete-game, 5-hit, 1-run outing in the victory… A great accomplishment for the young hurler even if his MLB prospects look bleak based on my head scouts report on him – good control, okay stuff, forkball is nice, but the fastball is pedestrian. I might tell Megan to take a flier out on the kid if she’s interested in adding an arm to her staff.

49 of 162: Michael Brisk (4-3, 4.62) @ Kurt Miller (3-1, 2.00)
Loss, 3-2. Man, oh man – 4 days in Pittsburgh spent staring at Warhol’s Tomato Soup print and losing baseball games… what have I done with my life? Brisk was solid, but the bullpen couldn’t hold water – Barbaccia blows the save in the bottom of the 9th (his 5th BS of the season – neat!) and Jonny Garcia gave up a walk-off run-scoring single in the bottom of the 12th. OH HONG went 2 for 4, Otto went 0 for 5, and we ground into 3 double plays for the second time during this series. To add insult to injury – we’re heading back to LA for a 3-game set against the St. Louis Rams… I still haven’t paid my rent and fully expect that my landlord has replaced the locks to my condo. I hear that Brisky’s couch is pretty comfortable… might have to look into that.

Note: HEY! Phoenix has lost 5 straight games! So, even after having our fannies handed to us by the Steelers we are still only 2 games off the pace. That’s cool.

[pauwoo]

St. Louis Rams (26-23, .531, t-2nd NL East) @ Los Angeles Kings (27-22, .551, 2nd NL West)
The Rams are a lot like us – mostly stuck in idle, 2nd on their divisional table, and 2 games off the pace… their offense is middling – better on paper than they have been in reality – and their pitching, well, it’s suspect. And that is putting it mildly… or is it? I don’t know – they are basically us (and to prove it, I am posting a picture after this paragraph)… the difference between us, then, is offense – we have one and they mostly do not. 10th in homers, 8th in runs, 7th in base running – they are, in a word, basic. As in NOT dynamic, vanilla, milquetoast, boring even. So, then, how are they doing it – oh, I don’t know – 4 batters hitting .300+, Josiah, the GOAT, leading by example, and luck. Lots & lots of luck… look, these guys are solid – not good – and they are outperforming the sum of their parts. This is normal – baseball is like that sometimes – but, at the end of this thing, in the aggregate, I don’t expect them to be around. But, they’re here now – and we are, recently anyways, easy pickings… that low hanging fruit that the above-average feast on to puff up their stats – could be a loooooongg 4-game set – or – we could crush them. And with them, their hopes, dreams, and best-laid plans.



50 of 162: Dimitri Pimentel (5-3, 3.29) @ Trevor Dotson (4-1, 4.09)
Loss, 5-1. I mean, why not? Dotson navigated 5 innings, sort of – his ship took on water early as he allowed three runs to plate in the top of the 1st… welcome to the ballpark hometown fans, allow me to disappoint you… We scored one run – Lloyd Daniels touched home plate up and also drove in his own run – so, yeah, a solo shot… AND… THAT… IS… IT… I mean, OH HONG got a hit, so – um, COOL, but the rest of the crew? Garbage. Summertime garbage – that super smelly swill that the sweltering summertime heat releases at the landfill – we are a giant, hot, steaming pile of trash.

Elsewhere: SP Orlando Vasquez, of your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, went 8-strong and allowed only 5-hits & 1-run in the Raiders 2-1 win over the Columbus Bluejackets. Ronin Greene, a RFer we purchased off of the Columbia Blowfish in 2076, had himself a little bit of a game too – 2 for 3 with a double and 2 RBIs… he’ll never make the big club, but he fills out a Compton kit quite nicely for now. OH, and Kirk Johnson went 2 for 5 with a 2-run HOMER and 2 RUNS for San Marcos in their 9-4 win over the Beaumont Bullies… Megan must be proud – maybe I’ll purchase his contract just to eff with her.

All-Star Announcements:
American League… notables:
SP Burt McElheny (VAN) - 7-3, 2.28 ERA, 75.0 IP, 1.16 WHIP, 7.3 K/9, 2.2 WAR
SP Norm Rodriquez: (TOR) - 7-2, 2.88 ERA, 68.2 IP, 1.11 WHIP, 9.0 K/9, 1.4 WAR
RP Al Bundy (CAR) - 2-0, 2.57 ERA, 35.0 IP, 1.40 WHIP, 9.8 K/9, 0.6 WAR
C Laz Braun (VAN) - .303/.378/.393, 145 AB, 2 HR, 116 wRC+, 1.2 WAR
2B Rich Hamilton (NYJ) - .313/.438/.507, 144 AB, 7 HR, 1 SB, 153 wRC+, 1.3 WAR
2B Heathcote Kinton (LAG) - .340/.415/.528, 159 AB, 7 HR, 13 SB, 150 wRC+, 2.4 WAR
LF Aitor Cubas (SEA) - .243/.391/.550, 169 AB, 16 HR, 10 SB, 151 wRC+, 2.2 WAR
RF Patrick Adams (SEA) - .373/.465/.605, 185 AB, 7 HR, 3 SB, 194 wRC+, 3.0 WAR

National League… notables:
SP Merl Crawford (BRK) - 7-3, 2.48 ERA, 76.1 IP, 1.02 WHIP, 7.3 K/9, 2.0 WAR
SP Dimitri Pimentel (STL) - 5-3, 3.29 ERA, 68.1 IP, 1.27 WHIP, 7.4 K/9, 1.9 WAR
SP Landon Sampson (SF) - 4-2, 3.70 ERA, 56.0 IP, 1.18 WHIP, 12.5 K/9, 2.3 WAR
SP Cliff Slavinski ( ORL) - 4-3, 2.17 ERA, 70.2 IP, 1.02 WHIP, 6.5 K/9, 1.9 WAR
CL Steven Barbaccia (LAK) - 1-1, 16 SV, 4.57 ERA, 21.2 IP, 1.52 WHIP, 10.0 K/9, 0.4 WAR
C Dominic Cooke (LAK) - .299/.350/.477, 107 AB, 4 HR, 1 SB, 117 wRC+, 0.7 WAR (Injured)
1B Tom Franzone (PIT) - .332/.411/.638, 199 AB, 16 HR, 1 SB, 176 wRC+, 2.8 WAR
2B Richard McTaggart (LAK) - .392/.431/.548, 199 AB, 8 HR, 12 SB, 169 wRC+, 2.4 WAR (Injured)
SS Jess Alford (PHX) - .361/.400/.572, 180 AB, 7 HR, 4 SB, 154 wRC+, 1.6 WAR
SS Ray Gerhold (PHX) - .360/.440/.452, 197 AB, 3 HR, 17 SB, 142 wRC+, 2.7 WAR
LF Harlem Peterson (MON) - .270/.374/.438, 185 AB, 7 HR, 2 SB, 123 wRC+, 0.7 WAR
CF Otto Isaac (LAK) - .276/.339/.462, 199 AB, 9 HR, 8 SB, 112 wRC+, 0.7 WAR
RF Ethan Mullens (LAK) - .315/.433/.503, 197 AB, 8 HR, 19 SB, 162 wRC+, 3.3 WAR

51 of 162: Glenn Moisan (1-1, 3.54) @ Paul Yeager (3-4, 5.03)
Win, 11-2. You say OH, I’ll say HONG… OH! HONG! OH! HONG! Your boy went 3 for 4 with a dinger, 3 ribbies, and FOUR RUNS, and J-Zody went 4 for 5 with TWO DOUBLES a HR and 4 ribbies… oh, and Yeager was boss too – 8 innings of work, 9 hits (whatever), 2 earned (sweet!), and 8 K’s… Otto took the day off (probably did some yoga or some **** like that…), Zody hit his 1st homer of the season, and Ethan stole his 20th bag.

Side note: Added a new college to the NCAA Unaffiliated Division… please welcome the University of Hawaii Rainbow Warriors to the Strangeverse… Because, well, why not… I’m feeling froggy.



52 of 162: Trev Anderson (3-3, 4.01) @ Newton Weiser (6-4, 3.97)
Loss, 4-2. Weiser was solid – just not solid enough… mostly because of our anemic offense, but, let’s face it – he could have been better. Otto hit a homer and drove in both of our runs – and, at 145lbs, is still the best player on our roster even if he is slowing wasting away. From awesome to ****- it’s how we roll.

By the way: San Marcos is now leading the Justice Division in the Bush League – granted that lead is only one half of a game – but, regardless, it’s happening and Megan is proving her worth in Independent League Baseball – now, I just need to figure out a way to bring her back into the fold before some other MLB team snatches her up. Sure, her price tag is prohibitive, but, trust me – she’s worth every single penny.

53 of 162: Joseph Hinder (5-2, 3.36) @ Aiden Jensen (3-4, 4.50)
Win, 8-5. A split… we’ll take it. Otto is king – 2 for 3, homer, 3 ribbies, 2 runs, a walk… Zody hit his 2nd jack of the season, and Aiden was great over 7.2 innings of work – well, not great, he gave up 5… but, he left us in a position to win and Barbaccia secured his 17th save in relief, 3 homers for the club, two doubles (Ethan & OH HONG), stolen base for Zody, and the win. Look, I feel like we should have taken 3 of the 4 – but, it is what it is, as they say, and, while we didn’t necessarily come out of this series unscathed (PHX has improved their lead to 3 games), we’re no worse for wear and can welcome Portland to town for some interleague play on an even keel and with our confidence somewhat intact.

[pauwoo]

First thing is first… Brooklyn 2B, Leandro Mercedes, hit for the cycle at the Purple Palace in Minnesota against the North Stars – Brooklyn won the game by a score of 15-5. Leandro was an international signee of Orlando City at just 16-years old – he had some promise but wasn’t considered a sure thing by any stretch of the imagination and was named the 33rd top prospect in the MLB while plying his trade for their minor league affiliate in Mexico City. Mercedes came to Brooklyn by way of trade – his was one in a series of deals that helped Brooklyn become a perennial contender of sorts. And he’ll be staying in the borough of Brooklyn for a while after signing a 3-year, $51M deal during the offseason… It’s always enjoyable to see an International discovery make it on to a big-league club.



Portland Timbers (25-28, .472, 5th AL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (29-24, .547, 2nd NL West)
It may seem like we are clearly the better club when stacked up next to Portland – numbers, usually the wrong ones, have a way of making things seem a certain way. The reality, however, when given the opportunity, would paint a much different picture – one where, at our core, we are the same, only in reverse. We’re both playing out ballgames like a halfway house – they are a solid pitching club (3rd in the AL) with an underwhelming offense (8th in the NL), while we are a solid offensive outfit with a pitching staff whose hallmark is inconsistency. Portland hasn’t made the playoffs in 10 seasons, 2078 is looking like it will be #11, and it’s hard to figure how they ever will… they have no trajectory, it’s all just status quo for PDX. We should be able to assert our will here… oh, and we get to say hi to PEPPER. I sure miss that guy…

In other news… I sent SP Rad Taylor back to Compton and recalled Roldan Freitas. In total, Rad only pitched two innings for the Big Club – two scoreless innings, but still. He’s not quite ready to live up here, maybe next year or maybe never at all…

54 of 162: Bill Marvin (3-7, 6.31) @ Michael Brisk (4-3, 4.33)
Win, 4-2. Brisky was fine – dude just doesn’t really seem to have an A-game anymore, just good, solid, consistent stuff (so, the perfect over-paid #3) – Barbaccia picks up his 18th save, Freitas, fresh off his stint in Compton, got the hold, and we get RBIs from Hong, Otto, and Dylan Tucker (2 for the backup catcher today). PEPPER didn’t do much in this one – 1 for 3 with a 2-out RBI. Meanwhile – Rad got a start tonight in Compton and went 8.1 innings with 3 earned and 7 K’s… he was, unfortunately, saddled with the loss here (San Jose took home the win by a score of 2-1) as the Raider offense just couldn’t be bothered to contribute anything of note.

Elsewhere: 1B Tom Franzone put two out of the park, drove in 5, and scored 4 runs in Pittsburgh’s 13-6 dismantling of the Carolina Panthers… after his stellar day at the plate, he is now leading the Majors in HRs at 20 – two ahead of Cubas & 5 ahead of Jo Jo Jackson (who still leads the league in K’s). Franzone, it should be noted, also leads the league in RBIs, Slugging %, OPS, Total Bases, Isolated Power, Extra Base Hits, OPS+, wOBA, and WAR – so, yeah, basically running things in 2078.

55 of 162: Leonardo Duarte (6-3, 3.93) @ Trevor Dotson (4-2, 4.34)
Win, 6-5. We survived a poor start from Dotson and rallied late to win it with a walk-off run-scoring single that Rajkumar laid down with two outs on the board to secure the win and, more importantly, avoid an extra-inning marathon. Mullens hit his 14th two-bagger, we got a SAC FLY from backup second baseman Eli Bigham and completed two double plays. PEPPER drew two free passes and scored for Portland – he hasn’t exactly broken out on us in this set (yet) but has been solid enough to get his name called here and there.

56 of 162: Peter Garcia (4-3, 3.82) @ Paul Yeager (4-4, 4.71)
Win, 5-2. We secured the sweep – always a good time – and continue to get good performances from some of our lesser-known players. The legend of Lloyd Daniels continued to grow with a HR and 2 runs, backup Catcher Sueki Kojima went 1 for 3 with a 2-run homer, Barbaccia cleaned up Yeager’s scraps to earn his 18th save, and PEPPER, in his last opportunity to make an impression against us in his old stomping grounds, went out with a whimper – 0 for 4 with 3 K’s for our old friend.

Elsewhere: SP Orlando Vasquez continued to state his case for a spot on the big club one day with an 8-inning, 3 earned, and 7 K win over the Salem Silverbacks for your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS… He’s now on a 4-game winning streak where he’s pitched 8 or more innings in each start and averaged 7 K’s per start – conversely, he also averaged 2.5 walks per game during that stretch. His control will hold him back at the next level if he can’t get it dialed in.

2078 Draft... the Top 2 picks…

1. Vancouver Giants select 3B Bulldog Johnson (Florida State) – Bulldog’s power and contact potential coupled with his eye at the plate make him the closest thing to a sure-fire prospect that we’ve seen in a while. He’s seen as a leader in the clubhouse and is described as a great teammate by his Florida State peers – I’m excited to see this guys career progress and, while it is unfortunate that he’ll be mired in Vancouver’s suspect developmental system, I expect this guy to, on the low end, be a perennial all-star.
   
   
   
2. San Diego Chargers select RF Boogie Barnett (MIT Equations) – An intelligent, hard-working, 5-tool guy who looks to develop some pop down the road and already has a knack for putting the ball in play. Boogie is MIT’s highest drafted player in the history of their program and, for my money, might have the make-up to outperform his suspected ceiling and, in the process, prove himself to be the player that should have been drafted 1st overall.
   
   

Coming up soon(ish)… Recapping the Los Angeles Kings 2078 draft…

[pauwoo]

SP Jimmy Stockman in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 1, Pick 17, 17th overall pick) – Solid fastball, devastating curve – good midrange ceiling but control is an issue.

CF Marco Farmer in the 2078 first-year player draft (Supplemental Round 1, Pick 10, 28th overall pick) – Good power, good gap power, and deficient everywhere else – we’ll be looking to develop his contact/eye… he’s already a good fielder and baserunner though, so that’s cool.

C Ron Paredes in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 2, Pick 22, 54th overall pick) – Umm, well, he’s not wonderful but my scout was high on him – looks to have some power in the pipeline and he’s a serviceable backstop – if nothing else he’ll be good help in developing our young arms.

1B Greyson Webster in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 3, Pick 31, 85th overall pick) – this guy is actually pretty solid at the plate… but, he can’t run or field, like, at all.

3B Fernando Feliz in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 4, Pick 24, 109th overall pick) – good fielder with above-average power, will make a good backup or, if he’s lucky, starter one day.

The rest…

• RF Atticus Kokote in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 5, Pick 24, 133rd overall pick).
• RP Precious Tompkins in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 6, Pick 24, 157th overall pick).
• SP Giovanni Ramdin in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 7, Pick 24, 181st overall pick).
• 2B Brandon Chong in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 8, Pick 24, 205th overall pick).
• 3B Rajaram Usha in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 9, Pick 24, 229th overall pick).
• C Robin Fogle in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 10, Pick 24, 253rd overall pick).
• 1B Jackson Alzate in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 11, Pick 24, 277th overall pick).
• RF Fidencio Trejo in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 12, Pick 24, 301st overall pick).
• RF Akiharu Isobe in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 13, Pick 24, 325th overall pick).
• 3B Rain Gander in the 2078 first-year player draft (Round 14, Pick 24, 349th overall pick).

Side note – I created a AA league that will play an 80-game season starting on June 15th. We’ll see if it goes as planned – I just want a bigger development system. I’ll update the team concepts eventually (outside of my own team which I have branded the Castroville Fighting Artichokes)…

[pauwoo]

Vancouver Giants (32-25, .561, 2nd AL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (32-24, .571, 2nd NL West)
The Giants have a -5 rDiff and are 4-games over the Pythagorean… they seem to be getting it done in 1-run games where they are 7-4. Basically, they are getting the ball to bounce their way at an impressive clip… it’s just a matter of time, however, as the law of averages always wins the day in baseball. Their offense, outside of having a little bit of pop (7th in the AL for dingers), is in shambles as they are ranked no higher than 10th in any category. It’s their pitching, then, that is winning the day – Ace Burt McElheny is off to a 7-3 start with a 3.13 ERA, SP Nacho Valadez has a 3.23 ERA, which, if he can keep it up, will be his best posting since 2075, and Jack Souris is a surprising 4-0 with a 1.64 ERA. They have a good, core group of starters – and have amassed a rip-roaring bullpen that is ranked 2nd in the NL… a real lockdown unit that is anchored by one of the best closers in the game in Inocencio Guajardo who has put up a 0.40 ERA while saving 18 contests so far in 2078.

57 of 162: Nacho Valadez (4-6, 3.23) @ Newton Weiser (6-5, 3.89)
Win, 4-0. Newton toyed with Vancouver’s suspect offense over a 9-inning, 3-hitter where he would allow no runs and record 7 K’s and Dontrell Gay hit a 3-run homer to give us more than enough cushion to bring this victory home. Otto’s run-scoring double put us up in the bottom of the 1st, Ethan scored twice, and Dylan Tucker went 2 for 3 with a run. Nacho just wasn’t as sharp as he needed to be in this one and his two mistakes were all we would need to put this one out of reach.

Elsewhere: RF Aris Anaconda continued to rake for your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, going 2 for 3 with a solo HR in their 3-1 victory over the Salem Silverbacks… he’s batting .280 with 4 homers in Compton so far this season. SP Logan Zaslavsky, of the Decatur Donnybrooks, threw the 55th No-Hitter in Bush League History (and first since 2076), in a 1-0 victory over the Beaumont Bullies. Zaslavsky finished with no hits, no runs, 2 walks, and 8 K’s… originally drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers (now Kings) in 2069 and traded to the Steelers for 1B Mick Udelhoven & LF Kyle Weaver in 2073, Logan was never really able to establish himself in the MLB – he pitched a total of 369 innings over 113 appearances and amassed a paltry 1.6 WAR during his career in the premier baseball league. This is his first season spent in the Bush League and, so far, it looks like he is bent on realizing something of a career resurgence while he still has the physical tools to support the effort.

58 of 162: Jack Souris (4-0, 1.64) @ Aiden Jensen (4-4, 4.64)
Loss, 4-3. Another 1-run game victory for the Vancouver Giants, who brought this one home in the top of the 8th on a Toddrick Carr run-scoring double off of Starter Aiden Jensen. Aiden gave us our second straight complete-game performance of this set, but our offense was unable to provide the support he’d need to be rewarded with the victory. Mullens, Rajkumar, and Gay each drove in a run, 9th jack for Ethan, 15th double for Rajkumar, and Gay brought his around on a SAC FLY. We did what we needed to do when we needed to do it, mostly, and, in the end, didn’t have enough gas in the tank to power ourselves to victory after the 5th – it was all bad AB’s and zeroes from there…

Elsewhere: SP Rad Taylor gave up 6 runs in 6 innings of work for the CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS and took the loss in an 11-7 game that saw the Sugarland Skeeters scoring, seemingly, at will. Tay-Tay, as the locals call him, is now 3-5 with a 3.98 ERA in International League play… Megan’s Supremos have won their 20th game in a 5-0 effort against the Gainesville Gamecocks – 32-year old SS, Julio Sandoval, went 2 for 3 with 2 dingers, 3 ribbies, and 2 runs in the win and is making something of a name for himself in the Bush League. As a Major Leaguer, Sandoval hit a paltry .206 in 442 AB’s but is hitting an almost respectable .243 over 4569 AB’s in the BL – where he has put in work for Quincy, Nolanville, and Coney Island before becoming a San Marcos mainstay over the last two seasons… Also, Dick McTaggart is eligible to come off the IL and will, most likely suit up for us against Vancouver tomorrow… it’ll nice to have that guy back even if his Russell Wilson-like media-savvy makes me question his authenticity.

59 of 162: Nathaniel Firestone (2-7, 8.59) @ Michael Brisk (5-3, 4.26)
Win, 3-0. It was all blanks until the bottom of the 9th, when Rajkumar, with 2-outs already on the board, blasted a walk-off, 3-run DING DONG in a PH appearance to send Vancouver home with their tails tucked firmly between their legs… Brisky was really good in this one – 8 innings, 7 hits, 0 earned, and a K (just one K?), and Barbaccia vultures the win in the 9th as he retired the Vancouver side in order and improves to 2-1 on the season… Otto struck out 3-times, OH HONG & DONTRELL scored on Rajkumar’s bomb, we completed three double plays, with one coming on an OF Assist from Otto as he caught Link at home for trying to get cute. He may only weigh 145lbs these days – but he’s got a cannon like Ichiro.

Quick hit… we’re now only 1-game off of Phoenix’s pace and seem to be slowly chipping away at them as we ascend to our rightful perch atop the NL West… there can only be one.

The Finkelstein Files: I received the following, on a postcard, in my PO Box, written in perfectly constructed block letters that were so small it required a magnified pair of 3D-Glasses (which, coincidentally, I keep on my person at all times – just in case) to read…

I’ve been getting reoccurring headaches. Part of it seems to be caused by the air here – it’s even more polluted than that swill we breathe in LA. Part of it comes from me trying to sort out the confusing mass of disconnected information jammed into my head.

At least some of what the Guru’s assistant has told me I know to be true.

Everything has to be done in a hurry.

So rushed that I have been swept up inadvertently into a CIA mission I know nothing about. It has been a nightmare.

And I can’t seem to wake myself up.

Please send $10,000 US Dollars to me. The Chinese Takeout Delivery man has the address – order the General Tso’s Chicken with White Rice and answer the door wearing the maroon & gold Kimono I sent you – the address will be inside the complimentary fortune cookie you get with your meal. Don’t forget the Kimono – it’s important. Also, I’ll need one of those disposable underwater cameras and a bottle of your best scotch. I’ll be heading to Tokyo in support of this CIA mission I’ve been roped into.

PS – I’ve prepaid all your bills for the next three months. If you don’t hear from me within two weeks, wait a couple more weeks before you freak out.

PSS – Don’t send Zahur out here to spy on me. Did you think I didn’t know about that?

Yeah, so, I’m not sure what she’s up to – or what sort of trouble could she be stirring up… what I do know is that I won’t be asking Megan for recommendations next time I have a hiring decision to make. That much is certain.

[pauwoo]

Los Angeles Kings (34-25, .576, 2nd NL West) @ Minnesota North Stars (31-29, .517, 3rd NL East)
As a case-study in what you get when you pair a tip-top offense with a pitching staff so inadequate that they are often mistaken for a collection of beer league softball players – Minnesota has performed admirably. Look, they’re above .500 and are doing it based solely on their offensive acumen… 12th in RA, Starters ERA, Bullpen ERA, FIP in the hurling department and fortunate to have some sticks that know a little bit about being clutch when the chips are down. These guys are 2-3 arms away from being serious… problem is that they will either have to be patient or give up some of the minor league prospects they’ve been tucking away over that last two seasons. Patience, in this case, will pay huge dividends if each of their prospects approaches their potential. Minnesota is a few years away from being a perennial threat – so, for now, we just need to stay focused and get the job done here.

60 of 162: Paul Yeager (5-4, 4.54) @ Adrian Hollyfield (2-2, 3.64)
Win, 5-4. Yeager picked up the win and our offense provided all the padding we would need despite Barbaccia giving blowing this one his best shot… Zody went 2 for 3 with a HR and 2 runs. Otto put his 13th out, and McTaggart, picking up right where he left off, hit his 9th long ball of 2078.

61 of 162: Trevor Dotson (4-2, 4.80) @ Dejuan Burns (6-3, 4.13)
Win, 5-2. Dotson gave us 8 superb innings, K’d 5, and only allowed two runs while Dick McTaggart finished 3 for 4 with a double, 3 RBI, and a walk. Ethan also put together one of his best days so far with a 4 for 5 game that saw him hit two doubles and score twice. Barbaccia actually managed to get the save in this one – it’s his 20th of 2078 and puts him in the top slot for closers so far this year.

62 of 162: Newton Weiser (7-5, 3.49) @ Octavio Cervera (2-6, 5.63)
Win, 10-1. A sweep and an exclamation point on the road in Minnesota! Newton gave up 1 over 8 (and added 7 K’s), McTaggart was clutch again – 4 for 5 with a triple and 2 RBIs, and Otto hit a GRAND SLAM in the top of the 3rd. Ethan went 2 for 5 with a run and was hit by an errant throw from pitcher Octavio Cervera that almost caused a bench-clearing brawl – the scene of OH HONG holding all 145lbs of Otto back from charging the mound on Ethan’s behalf solicited more laughter than derision from the home team – if he wants to play the role of Billy Badass he’ll need to beef up a bit.

Elsewhere: Tom Franzone, to the surprise of no one, took home the NL’s Player of the Week honors for his efforts at the plate – he went 10 for 22 with 3 jacks and 7 RBIs in 6 games played - .358/23/68 so far in 2078… and our sweep over Shawna’s North Stars moved us into a 2-way tie for 1st in the NL West with the Phoenix Suns – we’re making some power moves now and expect to have this thing under our thumb by the end of the month.

[pauwoo]

Houston Dynamo (25-36, .410, 5th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (37-25, .597, t-1st NL West)
Look, Houston is a bad team with very few redeeming qualities to talk about, so, instead, I’ll bring this momentous development forward… CF Ned Saucerman, whose contract I purchased in 2077 from the Beaumont Bullies and then traded to Houston for a lifetime supply of reindeer sausage and a box of gluten-free Kodiak pancake mix, is getting the start for Houston in this series as both of their other CFers will be out for the foreseeable future due to injury – two weeks in the sun for the former bush league bad boy seems to be in the cards for Saucy. Good for him – always nice to see an underdog punch through – even if everyone involved knows full well that it is only a temporary thing.

63 of 162: Abe Meinecke (5-7, 4.85) @ Aiden Jensen (4-5, 4.57)
Win, 7-2. Another fine effort from Aiden who went 8.1 innings and only allowed two runs to score before handing it off to the pen, Otto went 3 for 4 with a single, a double, and a triple with 3 RBIs, and Rajkumar finished this one at 1 for 3 with 2 RBIs and a run. RP Riley Valentine closed this one out for us on 8 total pitches – efficient outing for the young man.

64 of 162: Gabe Uruburu (3-3, 4.82) @ Michael Brisk (5-3, 3.84)
Loss, 6-4. Welp… you can’t win them all, I suppose. Brisky gave up 6, our offense was, mostly, poor – 2 RBIs for Goodwin, and 1 each for Zody & Daniels, and SAUCERMAN finished 1 for 3 with 2 runs and a walk for Houston.

65 of 162: Pete Taylor (6-4, 3.70) @ Paul Yeager (6-4, 4.39)
Win, 5-4. Yeager could only muster 6.1 innings and gave up 3 runs, 21st save for Barbaccia, and backup catcher Sueki Kojima went 2 for 3 with an RBI. Former Laker (now Kings), Rudolf the Ruiner, was injured while putting in some relief work for Houston – he threw 44 pitches over 3.2 innings after coming on early for starter Pete Taylor – he’ll be listed a DtD with a sore elbow for the foreseeable future.

Elsewhere: SP Orlando Vasquez continues to impress for your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS. The young hurler gave our club another 8-inning gem that unraveled late in a 6-5 loss against the Cincinnati Bengals. Also, today was the opening day of the inaugural season of our new 24-team AA Continental League – our own Castroville Fighting Artichokes lost their first-ever game to the Stockton Sailors by a score of 9-1. SP Luke Hazelwood gave up 7 runs in the loss. In other news, our Catcher, Dom Cooke is eligible to return to action – Sueki Kojima was optioned to Compton to make room for Dom on the big club, and C Monty Williams was demoted to AA as a result. And, lastly, 3B Bulldog Johnson went 2 for 5 with an RBI, a K, and a steal in his professional debut with the Winnipeg Jets of the Continental League while Boogie Barnett, in his debut with the Chula Vista Terrapins, finished 0 for 4 with 2 K’s.

[pauwoo]

San Francisco Seals (30-35, .462, 4th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (39-26, .600, t-1st NL West)
It’s always strange to take a one-series road trip, three quick ones, and a return flight home... don’t get me wrong - three days in Minnesota practicing bootleg karate against mosquitos the size of hummingbirds is enough to make even the most battle-hardened veteran of the MLB seek out the comforts of home. My bed, my thin, uncomfortable pillows, and a mostly empty fridge will always trump Miyagi-Do mosquito wrangling, but if there is anything I don’t need right now it’s another homestand. I need to be on walkabout, free from the stress of bumping into Phil Murray in the clubhouse, free from local reporters who, apparently bored with baseball, have begun to print stories about my lack of bill paying prowess and tipping acumen (math is hard), and free from the rich, bored, and bourgeois patrons that frequent our ballpark to, mostly, be seen rather than seeing some baseball. We’ll welcome the San Francisco Seals to town for a 4-game series, who, as another club lost in a sea of mediocrity, aren’t the kind of unit you get excited to compete against - if you win, well of course you did, and if you don’t, calls from the baseball pundits will read, “is the honeymoon over for the Kings”. Look, San Francisco is a beatable club, one who is underperforming at the moment (-3 games off their expected output), but one who plays you close (0 rDiff) and keeps it in nice and tight for the real thing. I expect to be tested and I expect us to pass...

66 of 162: Max Harrington (2-2, 5.01) @ Trevor Dotson (5-2, 4.50)
Loss, 9-3. Dotson was laid to waste, Harrington laid our offense to waste, and some guy with really offensive facial hair named Tristan Cleveland went 2 for 3 with a double, a homer, 4 RBIs, and 2 runs against us – in our park, in front of our fans… Dotson gave up 5 runs in the 1st inning and only managed to pitch for 3.1 innings in this contest and OH HONG went 3 for 4 with nothing else. Two errors for the club tonight – just a bad effort no matter how you slice it.

Elsewhere: After our unceremonious defeat at the hands of the San Francisco Seals, I retired to my condo and found a package awaiting me when I arrived – it was a maroon and gold, silk kimono that fit my frame a little snug (think sausage casing)… which reminded me that I had an action item to complete for Ms. Foggy Finkelstein… so, like the good boy that I am, I dutifully dialed my favorite local Chinese takeout place and placed my order for General Tso’s Chicken and a side of white rice. Three things struck me odd about the delivery – 1. It wasn’t the usual guy who delivered my food but instead was a tall, red-headed, green-eyed, buxom young lady dressed up in some kind of country-western outfit, 2. She charged me $100 for the delivery and 3. The food arrived within a minute and a half of me ordering it – like she was waiting outside.

“Nice Kimono…”
“Thanks, I just got it”
“It’s a bit snug, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I do”
“That’ll be $100 dollars, please”
“What?”
“Plus tip”

Coincidentally, or not, there were two fortunes inside my complimentary fortune cookie – the first had an address scribbled on it in what can only be described as a doctor's handwriting and the second simply read, “happiness is a warm kimono”. I’ll need to throw this thing in the dryer to determine if that is true or not…

67 of 162: Adam White (5-6, 5.08) @ Newton Weiser (8-5, 3.29)
Win, 13-3. Payback is sweet… Otto went 4 for 4 with 2 jacks, 3 ribbies, and 4 runs, Dom hit a GRAND SLAM in the bottom of the 5th, and Newton was in command over 7 innings of work. 2 runs each for Zody and HONG, three two-baggers as a squad, two stolen bases (including the 21st for Ethan), and two sweet double-plays. A nice bounce-back effort from the Kings of Los Angeles.

68 of 162: Jan Hernandez (5-7, 3.64) @ Aiden Jensen (5-5, 4.35)
Win, 5-0. Jensen nearly completed a 7-hit shutout before handing it off to Valentine for the final out (which he got on his first pitch – Tristan Cleveland flied out to right), Dick McTaggart went 2 for 4 with a 2-run homer, and Dom hit a run-scoring double in the victory – it’s good to have that guy back behind the plate… run-scoring doubles from Rajkumar and OH HONG, SAC FLY for Zody, and Ethan got caught with his hand in the honey pot for the 8th time this year… 11 K’s for Jensen tonight too – nice effort from him.

Elsewhere: Our shiny new AA club finally earned the first victory of their inaugural season after dropping the first three… our young squires took it to the Stockton Sailors and won by a score of 9-2. LF Paul Bryant hit a 2-run double, SP Hezekiah Speich gave us 7 hard-scrabble innings of work, and our 205th pick out of East Carolina, 2B Brandon Chong, went 2 for 3 with a couple of RBIs in the win… Castroville will be at home against the Charleston Shiners tomorrow for their first home game in team history…

69 of 162: Gareth Bertrand (3-8, 6.17) @ Michael Brisk (5-4, 4.24, Lambo owner)
Loss, 9-6. Brisky gave up 3 over 6.2 – which is not terrible – but our bullpen failed in their bid to close this one out unscathed and bled out 6 more runs before this one was entered into our permanent record – OH HONG went 2 for 3 with a double, an RBI, and 2 runs in a wasted effort, we stole three bags (2 for Ethan), and Mullens caught, you guessed it, Tristan Cleveland, trying to get over to 3rd on a would-be SAC FLY… all for naught tho as the Seals stayed close until they found an opening to steal another game on our turf.

Elsewhere: Rad Taylor went 8 innings and only allowed two runs to plate in a 4-2 win for the CITY OF COMPTON over the Newport Beach Gypsies in International League play – 2B Dale Stone, our 247th pick in 2076 (who I didn’t even realize we had on our roster), went 3 for 3 with two two-baggers, and two runs for the Raiders in the win… Castroville lost their 1st ever home opener to Charleston by a score of 9-4 – bummer biscuits, man… Megan’s San Marcos Supremos have fallen below .500 in Bush League play – they’ve lost 4-straight now and are playing like garbage. It may be time for me to distance myself from Megan – not sure, maybe it’s too soon to leave her twisting in the wind… and, lastly, after our 2-2 series against the Seals, the Phoenix Suns have reclaimed the #1 spot in the NL West – they now have a slightly uncomfortable 1 game lead over us with a magic number of 93 – so, um, yeah… still plenty of time for us to put them in their place.

[pauwoo]

Los Angeles Kings (41-28, .594, 2nd NL West) @ San Diego Chargers (21-49, .300, 6th NL West)
Like most teams, we’ve now completed 69 games - not quite halfway home but getting there. Most clubs are, theoretically, in it still - with routes to the playoffs still clearly drawn even if they’ll be tougher to navigate for some... unless we’re talking about the San Diego Chargers, who, at only 69 games down, have performed so poorly that they already find themselves at a seemingly insurmountable 21 1/2 games off the pace of our current NL West-leading Phoenix Suns. We’ll spend the next two days in San Diego, surrounded by all its useless beauty, for a quick 2-game series before heading to Orlando for 4-game series... that’s the part that makes this 2-game series against the NL West doormat so difficult - a quickie series in paradise followed by a cross-country flight and a 4-game parlay. At least we’ll have a day off in between. By now, the cash I’ve wired to Ms. Finkelstein should be burning a hole in her pocket, with the disposable water-proof dive camera and Scotch closely behind - I’ve done my part, played the role of Charlie without the speaker box, and hope to have an answer on the Otto dilemma soon... which really just means that I can spend 45 minutes of our 55-minute flight to San Diego looking over Zahur’s report on the Chargers. Turns out that I wouldn’t need all that time as the report was scribbled on an index card and simply contained the following:

I’m not 100% convinced that the San Diego Chargers are actually a baseball team - the truth is, I don’t know what they are... some of my unvetted ideas are as follows:

1. They exist as an elaborate money-laundering front for the owner, Tony Malo, who, despite never being officially linked to the American Yakuza, may be in cahoots with some nefarious criminal elements.
2. They are an Ultimate Frisbee team that got lost on their way to a tournament but were too “out of it” to do anything about it and decided to give this baseball thing a try.
3. They are a group of right-wing pigeons from outer space bent on infiltrating our national pastime to re-install their kind as the official mail carriers of the United States.

Lastly, on a completely unrelated note, I have it on good authority that a new Sushi joint, Miso Hungry, has some of the best mirugai in San Diego - the perfect mixture of crispness coupled with a briny ocean aroma and accentuated by a faintly sweet flavor. So, if nothing else, we have that to look forward to.

70 of 162: Paul Yeager (7-4, 4.38) @ George Giess (2-5, 5.12)
Win, 6-3. Easy stuff… all in a day’s work. Yeager went 8, gave up 1 and owned 8 San Diego batters, Barbaccia gets his 22nd save, Zody went 2 for 3 with 2 runs, and Dick McTaggart drove in two runs… on the bad news front – OH HONG went 0 for 5 with 4 K’s and Otto left early with an undisclosed injury. Three doubles, two triples, and two stolen bags for the club today as well.

Terrible news… Otto will be out for 4-5 months (so all of 2078) with a torn labrum. He heads to the 60-day IL, LF Bakari Konate moves up to the big club, and Aris Anaconda joins us in Compton. This is a worst-case scenario for us… our title chances are critically wounded, and our playoff chances are suspect. I mean, that’s life… we’ll figure something out.

GM Notes: My assistant GM has been MIA for a few weeks now - I’m told by some of the office staff that he is on an unannounced & wholly unapproved sabbatical. Which is long for - he’s fired. On that note - I flew Megan into LA to meet for dinner at Miso Hungry to let her know that it is my intent to buy out her contract in San Marcos, install her as the GM of the Los Angeles Kings, and promote myself to the role of President of Baseball Operations. What I won’t tell her is that the Owner of the San Marcos Supremos also required me to pay all of his teams travel costs for the remainder of the season and to become the West Coast distributor for his Tupperware empire - a stipulation I agreed to without fully understanding where I fit in on the Pyramid scheme. This, admittedly, monumental decision has led to a few other hierarchical changes, which I’ve addressed below.

• President of Baseball Operations: Lefty Anonymous
• General Manager: Megan Appel
• VP of Investigative Services: Foggy Finkelstein
• Lead Scout: Zahur Peterson
• Assistant to the General Manager (and also my assistant): Yan Welli

Note: Megan, in her first order of business as GM of the Los Angeles Kings hired our Miso Hungry waitress, Yan Welli, to be our assistant and bought the contract of Kirk Johnson from San Marcos... he will join our club in Castroville - it is my understanding that they are dating, which, while clearly a conflict of interest, is a small price to pay to get Megan back into the fold.

71 of 162: Trevor Dotson (5-3, 4.79) @ Brody John (3-5, 4.71)
Loss, 3-0. The post-Otto Era begins with a thud… Trevor was okay, he allowed 3 to get across in 7-inning of work. Dom went 3 for 4, and Brody John completely shut our shell-shocked team down in a complete-game effort where he only allows 5 hits and K’d 6… Dontrell went 0 for 4 with 4 K’s, we didn’t do anything of note on the base paths, and, really, just limped our way through this one as we mourned the loss of Otto for the year… it’s a sad state of affairs, man.

We find ourselves tied with Phoenix for the top spot in the NL West again as they lost their last two games while we split ours… however, given our recent news – it will be tough to take the Division now much less even make the playoffs. Super unfortunate – but, with wunderkind Megan back in the fold… the world is our oyster.

[BirdWatcher]

"All its useless beauty."
Elvis Costello reference intentional or not?

[pauwoo]

Originally Posted by BirdWatcher

"All its useless beauty."
Elvis Costello reference intentional or not?

Subconsciously intentional - I was on a bit of Costello bender a few weeks back that devolved into repeated listens of “the Queen is Dead” by the Smiths and ended with a spin of Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros’ “Streetcore” long-player... when I write these things I’m usually just in stream-of-consciousness mode - not surprised that this one came out. Nice catch!

[BirdWatcher]

Originally Posted by pauwoo

Subconsciously intentional - I was on a bit of Costello bender a few weeks back that devolved into repeated listens of “the Queen is Dead” by the Smiths and ended with a spin of Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros’ “Streetcore” long-player... when I write these things I’m usually just in stream-of-consciousness mode - not surprised that this one came out. Nice catch!

Somehow I am not at all surprised that our musical tastes are very well aligned. (Streetcore probably my favorite post-Clash Strummer album.)

[pauwoo]

Los Angeles Kings (42-29, .583, t-1st NL West) @ Orlando City (33-39, .466, 5th NL East)
So, we were somewhere above the Deep South, almost done with the long slog from San Diego to Orlando. Just a half-hour or so west of our destination. We had the whole crew aboard - the inaugural road trip for my new organization. I’m holding court like Captain Picard, ready to take on the league, and telling my charges to amp the photon torpedoes up to 11. Suddenly, something almost hit my head. It came from business class, where we keep the players, and, judging by the ruckus in the back had missed its intended target. It seems that Brisky and Dick McTaggart got into an argument over a not-so-friendly game of spades and Michael Allen Brisk (we use their full names when they make us angry) decided he could win said argument by throwing a mini bottle of Jägermeister at McT’s head. Look, I figured this would happen eventually - life without Otto would be tough - I just didn’t think it would happen so soon. Fortunately, Megan is adept at smoothing over egos and putting things back together again - so, for now, we are no worse for wear.

As luck would have it, our first real post-Otto test would come against a poor club - Orlando has an offense as sluggish as a teenager with mono that they pair with a staff that has, at times, been one of the best in Baseball. Now, thanks to Otto’s bum shoulder, this series may turn out to be a pitcher’s duel - our offense is built around him, and on his rare off days it has been less than stellar, so putting it up against Orlando’s staff for four games gives me pause. My guess: We get a split. We win a couple of 1-run games and they do the same. My fear: we get blown out, our team frays at its edges, and Megan, Zahur, and I are forced to break up a full-on donnybrook on our flight back home.

Baseball is all joy juice and band-aids, am I right?

Side note: our attempts to contact Ms. Foggy Finkelstein in Tokyo have been unsuccessful so far. So, for now, she is continuing to investigate what went wrong with Otto’s workout regimen this season and working to find me a scapegoat. Now that he’s hurt, I’d like her to move on to more pertinent matters. When I finally get a hold of her, I have a new case for her to get started on: How dangerous is this Tupperware empire I find myself involved with and do I have to claim any income it generates on my taxes?

72 of 162: Newton Weiser (9-5, 3.33) @ Mike Clendenin (5-5, 3.84)
Loss, 9-8. While not quite a pitcher’s duel, we did get a 1-run game in the first of our four - losing in spectacular fashion on a walk-off home run courtesy of 3-time Gold Glove-winning, RF Scott Hall. Ethan filled Otto’s shoes in CF admirably and drove in four runs, OH HONG brought two across, and we stole three bags as a unit. Just couldn’t muster the extra finesse required to get this one done.

Elsewhere: 1B Pablo Madera, of the Carolina Panthers, went 4 for 4 with 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 runs, and a walk in a 6-2 win over the Vancouver Giants. Madera, who won the AL Boyce Rigg award in 2077, is currently batting .330 with 15 HRs and 60 RBIs… The Minnesota North Stars put an end to LF Palmer Parker’s (PHI) 27-game hitting streak… P-Squared is hitting a career-best .347 with 6 HRs and 31 RBIs so far in 2078. He’ll be a free agent in 2079.

73 of 162: Aiden Jensen (6-5, 3.97) @ Radoslav Borovsky (2-11, 7.79)
Win, 7-6. Aiden gave up only 3 runs over 7 innings of work and Barbaccia gave up another 3 in the bottom of the 9th but still found a way to walk away with the save… Rajkumar hit a GRAND SLAM, we got an RBI each from OH HONG, Zody, and McTaggart, and stole 2 bags (both belonged to McTaggart). So far, as expected – we’re 1-1 in 1-run games…

Elsewhere: Rad Taylor, of your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, gave our IL club a complete game, 5-hit, shutout tonight against the Austin Grackles – and earned a 1-0 win in the process. C Sueki Kojima, back in Compton since Dom’s return to the big club, drove in our only run on a double in the 5th inning…

74 of 162: Michael Brisk (5-4, 4.23) @ Mirko Samsonenko (2-2, 8.48)
Loss, 5-3. Brisky was more accurate with that miniature bottle of Jägermeister than he was with the pill today – 6 hits, 3 runs, 3 walks, and 6 K’s were charged to his account in this one – Ethan went 1 for 4 with 2 K’s, OH HONG went 0 for 4 with 2 K’s, and Dontrell Gay went 0 for 4 with 2 K’s… that’s not how you get these things done. Rajkumar did field a pretty sweet OF Assist though – he caught C Yu-Jie trying to stretch an Ethan Cope single to 3rd and got caught with his hand in the honey pot.

Elsewhere: Megan’s boyfriend, RF Kirk Johnson, of your CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, went 3 for 4, made it all the way to second-base once, hit a homer, and registered an RBI and a run… he’s living his best life right now, I’d say… Palmer Parker (PHI) got his groove back a little bit and exacted a small measure of revenge against the Minnesota North Stars in a 3 for 4 performance where he added a two-bagger, a dinger, 2 ribbies, 3 runs, and a free pass. Oh, and Philly won the tilt by a score of 7-3.



75 of 162: Paul Yeager (8-4, 4.12) @ Cliff Slavinski (5-4, 2.51)
Win, 4-1. Yeager gave us 6-innings, 9 K’s and didn’t allow a single runner to plate, Joshua Moeller earned a 2-inning hold, and Barbaccia, looking like a closer again, secured his 24th save of the season. 12th homer on the year for Ethan, Dontrell and McTaggart both drove one in, and Rajkumar plated twice for us in the win… we also committed three fielding flubs and still managed to get the win – Yeager, Goodwin, and Gay were the culprits and will not be allowed on the plane ride home.

Elsewhere: 1B Pablo Madera (CAR) was at it again in another 4 for 4 day with a GRAND SLAM (5 total RBIs) and 2 runs in Carolina’s 8-5 win over the visiting Vancouver Giants – he also took player of the week honors in the American League, obviously… Former King, Tony Voorhis (who we are missing right about now), went 3 for 4 with a two-bagger, 2 dingers, 5 riblets, and 2 runs in his Brooklyn clubs 7-1 victory over the San Francisco Seals – your boy is hitting .313 with 10 jacks and 57 RBIs so far in 2078… and also took home the Player of the Week award in the National League this week, obviously… After our split against Orlando City we’ve fallen back to 2nd place in the NL West – we are now an entire game off of Phoenix’s pace – the Suns swept Pittsburgh over the weekend and will arrive in Orlando as we are leaving to do battle against a City club that we’ve softened up for them.

We'll enjoy a day off before welcoming Brooklyn to LA for a 4-game set that will kick off with a rare double-header...