Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

It is awfully early to be already looking to next year, but it does not seem premature, either......

Well put, Sir, well put. I will ask Maud whether we can stitch that onto our bathroom towels.

Originally Posted by Questdog

Reading about a sweep at the antlers of the the Elks is not my favorite way to start the day.......

Rest assured that watching them rumble and tumble to 5-8 the way they did was not exactly a joyride for me either.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (5-8) @ Crusaders (4-7) – April 16-18, 2040

The Crusaders had not had a pleasant start to the season either, sitting in last place with the second-fewest runs scored (aided by a rainout costing them a game) and fifth-most runs allowed (probably also…). They had one qualifying batter with an average over .250 (Mario Briones, .325), but then again, the Raccoons were a tire fire top to bottom… We had won the season series four years in a row, hadn’t lost it in seven, and had taken 12 wins against them in ’39.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (0-1, 3.38 ERA) vs. Josh Brown (0-1, 2.57 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (1-0, 4.26 ERA) vs. Jamal Barrow (0-1, 5.14 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (1-0, 0.90 ERA) vs. TBD

Lefty, righty, and whatever after that. Southpaw Todd Lush (0-0, 1.69 ERA) was up next, but was said to be ill.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – LF Fernandez – 1B Kilgallen – P Sabre
NYC: RF Melendez – 3B Sifuentes – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – LF C. Russell – C D. Phillips – 1B Rudd – SS J. Adams – P J. Brown

Berto and Cosmo went to the corners with singles to begin the week, and both scored, one by one, on a Tony Hunter double and Kilmer’s sac fly, both to left. Then came Sabre, retired none of the first four hitters – Bill Melendez singled, Ramon Sifuentes doubled, Mario Briones walked, and Chris Russell hit the game-knotting single – and eventually gave the Crusaders a 3-2 lead, hitting Jim Adams with two outs and the bases full in the same inning. It didn’t get any better after that, either. Melendez singled to begin the bottom 2nd, Sifuentes homered, and Joe Besaw also homered with one out. Chris Russell hit a triple, finally sending Sabre into a corner for a well-deserved cry. I had one, too.

Chuck Jones conceded that Russell run, and the Crusaders tacked one more on in the bottom 3rd, although Jones had the inning finished. Jeff Kilmer lost strike three to Melendez, though, and two more singles after that plated the leadoff batter to run the score to 8-2. Another unearned run was tacked on in the fourth, still against a repeatedly stabbed in the back Chuck Jones, this time with major contributions by Matt Kilgallen and a 2-base throwing error. While Jeff Kilmer hit a 3-run homer past the point where it mattered, Rafael Zacarias was shackled for four hits and two runs in a continuing meltdown, that saw Jermaine Campbell allow a single, walk two, and balk home a run in the eighth. 12-5 Crusaders. Trevino 3-4; Hunter 2-4, 2B, RBI;

(barges through the door of the dressing room) Alright, LISTEN, you little *****!! I’m not going to take that crap much longer!! I will totally weed you lot out!! – Stop the screaming!! IT’S MY TIME TO SCREAM!! – LISTEN UP!!! – Hey!! Hey!! Take your paws away!!

(is dragged away by security after accidentally storming into the cheerleaders’ dressing room)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – 1B Maldonado – C Morales – LF Fernandez – SS Hunter – RF Ledford – P Dominy
NYC: RF Melendez – 3B Sifuentes – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – LF C. Russell – C D. Phillips – 1B Rudd – SS J. Adams – P Barrow

When the Raccoons again but Berto (single) and Cosmo (RBI triple) aboard, and scored both eventually in the top of the first, I sighed, and kept cooling the black eye, which the disgusted strong-armed security lady had given me, with an icepack. But Dominy put a zero on the board, staving off a repeat of Monday for the time being, then singled home Fernandez and Ledford to get to 4-0. Barrow hit a pair in the third inning, then walked Dominy with one run in and two aboard and two out in the inning. Berto fell to 1-2, then slapped a single over Jim Adams to score the two Tonies. Cosmo flew out, keeping things at 7-0 in the middle of the third.

Neither the offense, nor Kyle Dominy’s stellar day were over though. After a quiet fourth, the Crusaders’ Gabriel Lara put Manny and Hunter on base in the fifth inning, then faced Dominy with the pair in scoring position and one out. Dominy mashed a pretty straight fastball down Fifth Avenue for 399 feet for a 3-run homer, extending the lead to 10-0! And on the pitching side? Dominy scattered three hits and three walks through seven innings, but was still in fairly decent shape, beginning the eighth inning on 81 pitches, and facing PH Jesse Stedham in the #9 hole. The ex-Coon grounded out before Melendez and Sifuentes chipped base hits. Briones popped out, Besaw grounded out, and the inning ended. Come the ninth, Chris Russell grounded out to short on the 101st pitch. Devin Phillips ran a full count, then struck out. Tom Rudd fell to 1-2, then hit a dinker for a single. Dominy was on 111 pitches, which was probably enough, but he’d get one more shot at the shutout against .186 hitter Jim Adams, who singled, and PH Juan Herrera, who flew out to Nettles, ending the game. 10-0 Raccoons! Ramos 3-4, BB, 2 RBI; Fernandez 3-5; Hunter 4-5, 2B, RBI; Dominy 9.0 IP, 7 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 9 K, W (2-0) and 2-3, BB, HR, 5 RBI;

Congratulations on your second career shutout, Kyle! – Yes, yes. (tries to wiggle himself out of a fierce pawshake) – So, tell me… Would you happen to have an outfielder’s glove…?

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – LF Fernandez – 1B Kilgallen – P Bedrosian
NYC: RF Melendez – 3B Sifuentes – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – LF C. Russell – C D. Phillips – 1B Stedham – SS J. Adams – P Lush

Bedrosian spent 29 pitches in a bottom 1st that saw the Crusaders coax two walks and fill the bags on a Trevino error, only to leave them loaded when Phillips hit a comebacker to end the frame. Neither team scored before a 45-minute rain delay in the third inning, splitting a total of four hits down the middle. In the top 4th then, Lush, nursed back to health on pizza and Long Island Iced Tea, walked the flickering specter of Troy Greenway, batting .049 (sic!), then allowed singles to the next two clowns to fill them up with nobody out. Bedrosian whiffed, Berto popped out, Cosmo grounded out, and I also longed for some Long Island Iced Tea…

While Manny Fernandez singled home Tony Hunter in the fifth to get something on the board after all, we eyed Bedrosian’s pitch count with the added complications of the rain delay. He was at 71 through four, which was far from good to begin with, but got through the fifth on seven pitches. He was spotted another run as Todd Lush dissolved in the sixth. He walked a total of eight batters, but the Raccoons only got one run off him and Aaron Hickey before Greenway struck out with the bases loaded, sending it back to Bedrosian. Russell (single) and Stedham (catcher’s interference!) reached in the bottom 6th before left-handed Ricardo Salmeron pinch-hit for Hickey in the #9 hole with two outs. The Raccoons sent for Brent Clark, who gave up an RBI single on the first pitch before striking out Melendez instead…

Despite seemingly trying, the Raccoons couldn’t find another run in the last three innings of regulation. They didn’t even reach scoring position in any of them. At least Campbell and Garavito held the fort, and handed the 2-1 lead to Rico Sanchez, who hadn’t seen a save situation in quite a while. Doug Levis, Juan Herrera, and Tom Rudd were retired while making relatively little noise, and lasted only seven pitches between them. 2-1 Coons. Hunter 2-3, 2 BB; Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Kilgallen 3-5; Campbell 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Looks like Manny Fernandez has a pulse – he reached the .204 mark with this game.

Troy Greenway meanwhile has fewer RBI than the Raccoons have pitchers that have already gone yard this year.

Raccoons (7-9) @ Bayhawks (4-12) – April 20-22, 2040

Nothing had ever gone well for the Raccoons at the Bay, but then again the entire season so far had felt like it had been played at the Bay. They were last in runs scored AND runs allowed, which was never pretty, but here we were, to the rescue. Their rotation had an ERA of almost five, and their pen was even worse. They had hit nine homers, fifth in the league, but were near the bottom in every other category. With 2.6 runs scored and 5.2 runs allowed per game they looked like the real clown show. Oh well, here come the Coons. We had won eight of nine from them in ’39.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-1, 5.60 ERA) vs. Gilberto Rendon (1-1, 3.93 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (0-2, 8.25 ERA) vs. Rick Haugh (1-2, 4.41 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (2-0, 2.49 ERA) vs. Ryan Kinner (0-2, 9.18 ERA)

All right-handed pitchers coming up here!

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – 1B Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – P Chavez
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – RF D. Martinez – 1B S. Ayala – SS Greer – LF Oshiita – 3B Barcia – C Sailas – P G. Rendon

Maldonado drove home Nettles in the top of the first, and the Bayhawks made two outs at the fence in the bottom 1st, so that was that. Manny hit a leadoff double in the second, Greenway walked, and Kilmer jammed a grounder into a double play to kill the inning. Bernie Chavez then divined to walk Sal Ayala, Marshall Greer, and Dick Oshiita to begin the bottom 2nd. While Sergio Barcia hacked himself out, Robbie Sailas singled home two runs to take the lead, and I was mightily miffed once more. The inning fizzled out for them after that, and Maldonado plated Stephon Nettles again with a double in the third inning to tie the score, but COME ON BERNIE!!

Nope, he stayed awful. It was all D behind him, but some things were just indefensible, like allowing a leadoff double to Rendon in the bottom 5th. Mike Hall singled, Dan Schneller hit a sac fly to break the tie, and then it was Kilmer throwing out Hall trying to steal second that got things moving further along. The Raccoons did not make much of an offensive impression afterwards, not even Nettles and Maldonado… In the bottom 8th, Ramirez and Jones and Campbell collectively came apart for two runs on three hits and a walk, and that put the team in a 3-run hole against Tim Thweatt in the ninth from which they didn’t emerge. 5-2 Bayhawks. Nettles 2-3, BB, 2B; Maldonado 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Fernandez 3-4, 2 2B;

(sits frozen with one eye closed, biting down on a sturdy wooden stick)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – CF Nettles – 1B Maldonado – LF Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Morales – 2B Caskey – P Sabre
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – RF D. Martinez – 1B S. Ayala – SS Greer – 3B Barcia – LF O. Calderon – C Sailas – P Haugh

In the second inning it seemed like Troy Greenway might actually land a ******* base hit, but it sizzling liner at 3-2 was hit right into Sal Ayala’s mitten, and that also ended a 1-2-3 frame. The Coons had two hits the first time through, but put up the minimum due to either being caught stealing (Berto), or hitting into a double play (Caskey). Sabre shaved a run and a half off his monstrous ERA for three scoreless innings, but also relied mightily on defense. Something was pear-shaped about him. Before the pear could break out of a scoreless line, Manny Fernandez hit back-to-back doubles with Maldonado and two outs in the fourth, driving in both Maldo and Hunter for the first two markers on the scoreboard. Then Greenway struck out in a full count. Sabre continued to hold out on a 2-hitter through five, followed by Nettles and Maldo reaching base to begin the sixth inning. They pulled off a double steal against Haugh, considered the right-hander with the best move in the league, after which Manny Fernandez dropped an RBI single to right to get to 3-0. Greenway popped out (bites into and tears with his teeth on coonskin cap), but Tony Morales poked another RBI single up the middle. The inning fizzled out with a K to CasKey, and Sabre flying out to Oscar Calderon. Sabre then was finally touched – we had been waiting for it quite a while – when Dan Schneller hit a solo home run in the bottom of the inning. Through six, it was 4-1.

Things had gone poorly enough for Sabre that he was hit for as soon as Ayala and Calderon reached in the seventh, bringing up .196 hitter Robbie Sailas with the tying run. Brent Clark struck him out, ending the inning. Top 8th, Jon Salls allowed leadoff singles to Maldonado and Manny Fernandez, bringing back the .040 schreck Troy Greenway. As much as we were longing for a knockout blow, we couldn’t pinch-hit for him. He had to break out of that slump, and there was a Jon Caskey in the dugout who could drive somebody in, theoretically, and here was a so-so righty pitcher in Salls, who fell to 3-1 against Greenway before Greenway poked… and grounded… to Schneller… to Greer… to Ayala… double play (gets wet eyes)… Tony Morales grounded out to strand Maldo at third base, and two singles off Zacarias and one off Garavito gave the Baybirds a run in the bottom 8th, driven in by Ayala before Greer fouled out to strand the tying runs. Cosmo batted for Caskey in the ninth, also couldn’t get the **** on base, but at least handled two grounders for outs behind Rico Sanchez to put the game away in the bottom half of the inning… 4-2 Critters. Ramos 2-5; Maldonado 2-3, BB, 2B; Fernandez 3-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Morales 3-4, RBI; Sabre 6.2 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 1 K, W (1-2);

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – C Morales – 2B Trevino – RF Ledford – P Dominy
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – RF D. Martinez – 1B S. Ayala – SS Greer – LF Oshiita – 3B Barcia – C Sailas – P Kinner

Was anybody really surprised when Kinner came within inches of three scoreless to open the game? But Berto’s 2-out grounder narrowly eluded Barcia, and Brad Ledford came around to score the game’s first run in the top of the third. Manny Fernandez went deep to center to give the Raccoons two runs by the fourth inning, and after Maldonado reached base and Tony Morales found a 6-4-3 grounder, it was also two double plays for the Coons’ backstop in this game. Dominy allowed two hits through three innings, but the contact was louder than it had been on Tuesday, and there was a potential for a Bayhawks comeback…

Before long, Kinner, Hall, and Dave Martinez all hit singles to load the bases in the fifth inning. Ayala tied the game with a single to right, Greer struck out, and Dick Oshiita reached on an infield single. Barcia stranded the full set with a fly to Ledford, but the score was even again, and Dominy lasted only one more inning before being whittled down for good by the Bayhawks, retiring after six innings and 113 pitches. Kinner was still going in the seventh, and also in the eighth… Ed Hooge hit for Alex Ramirez and drew a leadoff walk, and Berto singled off Kinner. Hunter hit into a double play… Manny singled up the middle, though, and the Coons were back in the lead, 3-2! Might they ACTUALLY hang a loss on a pitcher entering with an ERA of more than a run per inning? Maldonado sure tried to, smashing a homer over the fence in right, 5-2!

Jermaine Campbell got around two soft singles in the bottom 8th before Schneller grounded out to Berto, maintaining the 3-run lead. While rain set in, the Raccoons went down without success in the ninth, getting only a Ledford single off Josh Wilkes, then brought in Raul Sanchez again, who barely began pitching when the tarp came onto the field for 30 minutes. It was just not long enough to knock the closer from the game, and it also couldn’t prevent him from getting three outs against an Oshiita single to put the game away. 5-2 Critters. Ramos 3-5, RBI; Fernandez 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Maldonado 3-4, HR, 2 RBI; Ledford 2-4;

In other news

April 16 – The age 41 season of CHA SP Jose Lerma (1-0, 3.63 ERA) hits a snag with shoulder inflammation. Lerma will miss four months.
April 16 – SAC OF Alfonso Cedillo (.400, 3 HR, 5 RBI) will miss a month with elbow soreness.
April 17 – Tied at six through nine innings, the Condors blow the Bayhawks out of extras with a 7-spot in the 11th, taking a 13-6 win.
April 18 – SAL CF/RF Armando Herrera (.371, 1 HR, 10 RBI) hits his first home run of the year in the ninth inning against DAL CL David Lindstrom (1-0, 4.26 ERA, 4 SV), and with that seals his first career cycle (and the Wolves’ fourth), but can’t stave off defeat as the Stars still win, 6-4.
April 19 – SFB SP Jose Moreno (1-3, 3.64 ERA) 3-hits the Condors in a 5-0 shutout.
April 20 – The Cyclones beat the Stars, 4-1, with all their runs coming on the eighth-inning grand slam of INF Cody St. Peter (.412, 3 HR, 14 RBI).
April 21 – DAL 2B Hugo Acosta (.463, 1 HR, 10 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak stretching back to last season after hitting an RBI triple in the first inning of a 3-2 loss to the Cyclones.
April 21 – Nashville SP Tim Hale (2-1, 1.90 ERA) 2-hits the Wolves, who also get rushed for a 12-0 smothering.

FL Player of the Week: SAC RF/LF/1B Carlos Cortes (.291, 4 HR, 16 RBI), hitting .385 (10-26) with 3 HR, 11 RBI
CL Player of the Week: POR OF Manny Fernandez (.295, 1 HR, 9 RBI), batting .520 (13-25) with 1 HR, 6 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Change of diet! No more of those green stuffs! They make you weak and then you can’t hit the baseball anymore, or throw the baseball anymore! All that is left on the menu is donuts, cookies, chicken, and schnitzel! – Stop tugging on my pants, Hoogey. – Yes, Hoogey, fries don’t count, you can have fries with your schnitzel. – And your donuts.

The damn Elks started 0-2, then won 11 in a row (we sure noticed), then lost five straight. As much as they abused the handbrake, it was probably a bigger joy to follow them. The Raccoons couldn’t even find three outfielders worth the oxygen…

Troy Greenway’s slump is as mysterious as it is wicked. Cristiano, let the tape run again. – (Cristiano lets video of a Friday at-bat of Greenway run again, where he stumbles to the plate in clown shoes, no pants, a cap four sizes too big and hanging over his eyes, and a can opener instead of a bat, then strikes out) – I don’t see it, Cristiano. Do you?

The road trip continues through Vegas, before we’ll host the Titans next weekend.

Fun Fact: The Wolves were also involved in the last cycle hit by a player on the losing team.

That was four years ago, when Denver’s Danny Zarate hit for all the bases for the second time, but Salem prevailed 10-8. The instance before that? Tim Stalker for the Coons against Boston.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (9-10) @ Aces (10-9) – April 24-26, 2040

The Aces had the second-fewest runs on the board so far, with the sixth-most runs allowed. How well did a -14 run differential bode for a .500 team at this point? Their rotation was second by ERA, but their pen was a complete mess and second from the bottom. They had the lowest OBP in all of baseball. We had lost six of nine games to the Aces in ’39.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (2-0, 1.05 ERA) vs. Israel Mendoza (2-2, 4.21 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-2, 5.11 ERA) vs. Jesus Rodarte (2-1, 1.77 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (1-2, 5.79 ERA) vs. Chris Crowell (0-3, 2.93 ERA)

Rodarte would be the only left-hander they have to offer. But the week began with a common off day on Monday, so they might decide to go skippy on somebody. The Raccoons skipped Nelson Fonseca for as long as they could – he would have been next in line.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – 2B Trevino – C Morales – P Bedrosian
LVA: 1B Zarazua – CF Rossi – SS O’Keefe – RF Jorgensen – LF O. Burgos – 2B Bensinger – C D. Gomez – 3B D. Richardson – P I. Mendoza

Berto opened the week with a single to left, then was doubled off by Manny Fernandez, and the Raccoons didn’t reach again the first time through, while Chris O’Keefe made it 1-0 Aces with a longball off Bedrosian. It didn’t get much better after that. Neither team had more than two base hits through five innings. Tony Hunter hit a single for the Coons in the fourth, was stranded, hit another single in the sixth, and was stranded again. The Aces eeked out another run in the bottom 6th on singles by Ricardo Zarazua and O’Keefe, and not much else. O’Keefe was stranded on third base eventually, and Maldonado opened the seventh inning with a single to left. Stephon Nettles was the tying run and walked, bringing up Troy Greenway, who had some sort of plague and was hitting .038, with two strikeouts on his ledger in this game. But with Mendoza wobbling, he held himself together and laid off garbage to walk on just four pitches. That loaded the bases with nobody out, which was a sure death sentence to the rally here. Cosmo hit a sac fly, Morales hit a fly that only moved Nettles to third base, and the Raccoons didn’t want to, but *had* to hit for Bedrosian. Ed Hooge flew out to Steve Jorgensen, ending the inning. Manny and Maldo reached with two outs in the eighth, but Nettles grounded out to Zarazua to make it all go away. The Raccoons got serviceable relief from Ramirez and Zacarias before hitting the ninth inning against Damon DeOrio, who had a questionable track record. Greenway was hitting leadoff, was bombared with 100mph fastballs, and belched one of them over the fence – (eerie silence) – IT LIVES!! IT LIVES!! IT HAS GONE DEEP!! Troy Greenway with a home run!! And it tied the ballgame!! …and then nothing else happened until Brent Clark nailed Jorgensen, who scored from second base on a Danny Gomez single to end the ballgame. 3-2 Aces. Hunter 2-4; Bedrosian 6.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 4 K;

(deep sigh)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – CF Maldonado – SS Hunter – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Kilgallen – P B. Chavez
LVA: 1B Zarazua – CF Rossi – SS O’Keefe – RF Jorgensen – 2B Bensinger – C D. Gomez – LF Beaudoin – 3B D. Richardson – P J. Rodarte

Wednesday’s insurmountable 1-0 deficit was provided by Justin Beaudoin’s double to left in the second inning, plating Jorgensen with two outs to move the Aces ahead. In the fourth he singled with Jason Bensinger on second base and two outs, Bensinger went around to make for home plate, but was thrown out by Greenway to end the inning. By the way, no meaningful Portland offensive heroics were being omitted here – the most they did through four was Maldonado being caught stealing after reaching base to begin the second inning…

Kilmer and Greenway hit singles (!) in the fifth inning, but were left on the corners by Kilgallen and Bernie Chavez, who would go on to pitch seven innings of 5-hit, 1-run ball. He whiffed only five, but that was hardly a reason to leave him dangling on the hook like this miscarriage of a baseball team did. The Coons were on five hits and two caught-stealings through seven – Tony Hunter had joined that club in the seventh. And even when Kilgallen opened the top 8th with a scorched liner to left, it went right into Doug Richardson's mitten. There was no hope. Ledford flew out to Jorgensen, Ramos flew out to Nate Rossi. Greenway snatched a Jorgensen drive off Jermaine Campbell at the fence in the bottom 8th, then DeOrio was back against the 2-3-4 batters. Cosmo struck out. Manny flew out to left. Maldo flew out to right. 1-0 Aces. Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, L (1-3) and 1-2;

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – 2B Caskey – C Morales – P Sabre
LVA: 1B Zarazua – CF Rossi – SS O’Keefe – RF Jorgensen – LF O. Burgos – 2B Bensinger – C D. Gomez – 3B D. Richardson – P Crowell

Sabre continued to be ****, giving up two runs on four mostly sharp singles in the first inning, in other words, ballgame. The Raccoons, who somehow were still eligible to draw paychecks (I had somebody check that! …and had to pay him for it…) did not land a base hit the first time through against Crowell, who did give up a solo homer to Manny Fernandez in the fourth inning, though, cutting the gap to 2-1. Then Troy Greenway reached on something as wicked as a leadoff bloop double in the fifth inning, when Ozzie Burgos overran a ball he should have played on a hop for a single. Never mind though – the bottom of the order produced less than nothing and Greenway was stranded on third base.

Sabre somehow held up without more explosions through five, so the Raccoons continued to have the tying run at least at the plate at all times, but divined to move it into scoring position again in the sixth, AND with nobody out after Berto and Hunter reached the corners on a pair of singles against Crowell! Manny slipped a 1-2 pitch past Bensinger for an RBI single, and Hunter raced for third base in a tied ballgame. Crowell walked Maldonado, but the resulting force at home was Hunter’s end on Nettles’ grounder after that. The bags remained full for .085 threat Troy Greenway, who in different times and places might have warranted a lefty reliever to appear at this decent hour, but the Aces were more like nah. Crowell had just put on four in a row, but he had this. Greenway hit a sac fly, remaining a sub-.100 batter, but gave Portland the 3-2 lead. Then Crowell threw a straight fastball to Jon Caskey, and Casky barfed it over the fence, 6-2!!

The Coons stuck to Sabre, who hadn’t been horrible since the first, and got through the bottom 6th after Jorgensen’s leadoff single. Top 7th, Paul Ditmars walked the 1-2-3 batters to begin the inning. Maldonado hit a sac fly, a weirdly insisting Ditmars walked another guy in Nettles, and then Greenway hit a sac fly. The Aces sighed and went to antoher right-hander in Marty Madera, who got Caskey on a grounder to keep the score at 8-2. Sabre then did give up a run after Richardson’s leadoff hit in the bottom 7th, but finished the inning. The Raccoons weren’t done, though, with the knot suddenly hewn through. In the ninth they put Hunter and Maldonado on base again. Facing left-hander Tony Chavez, once a formidable starter, Troy Greenway doubled them home with two outs, putting the team into double digits. The Aces scored another run off Rafael Zacarias, but the game went into the books as a W. 10-4 Raccoons! Hunter 2-4, BB; Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB, HR, 2 RBI; Greenway 2-3, 2 2B, 4 RBI;

Raccoons (10-12) vs. Titans (13-8) – April 27-29, 2040

Even more perplexing than the sudden reappearance of the offense was that a team as rancid as this could come home and find the Titans, tied for first place, and have a (highly theoretical) chance to take first place by Sunday night. Yes, that would require beating the Titans, actually, so that’s where part of the “highly theoretical” comes from. We had won two of three from them at the start of the season – but that wouldn’t even be enough.

Projected matchups:
Kyle Dominy (2-0, 2.60 ERA) vs. Javy Santana (2-1, 2.88 ERA)
Nelson Fonseca (0-1, 6.75 ERA) vs. Leonhart Becker (3-1, 2.73 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (2-0, 1.42 ERA) vs. Blake Sciulli (0-0, 11.25 ERA)

Right-hander, Sauerkraut, right-hander. They also had Thursday off, so could skip Sciulli away and bring in another right-hander in Rich Willett (0-3, 3.82 ERA) instead.

The Titans were also hampered with having Mark Vermillion (oblique) and Willie Vega (back) on the DL. The former had been placed on the DL last weekend, the latter had gone there on Tuesday.

Game 1
BOS: 3B Gil – LF J. Davis – SS Bunyon – RF M. Avila – 2B Toney – C Resendez – 1B Vadillo – CF E. Marquez – P J. Santana
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – 2B Trevino – C Morales – P Dominy

The 6-7-8 batters reached for Boston with two outs in the second, including replacement outfielder Efrain Marquez, but Dominy bailed out by striking out the opposing pitcher. The Raccoons only put one guy on base the first time through, which was Cosmo, and Cosmo was caught stealing. The sadness sure came back quick!

Berto then hit a leadoff triple in the bottom 4th, just when I started to browse a magazine for ovens to put my head into in short order. Dominy was still shutting out the Titans, so here was fat chance to take the lead…! Tony Hunter struck out, Manny hit a sac fly to Marquez in center, and Maldo grounded out on a 3-0 pitch, and, fine, Maud, I’ll put the magazine away. … As long as they keep the lead. Hooge, Greenway, and Morales all snapped singles off Javy Santana in the bottom 5th, getting a run home before bringing up Dominy, who had five hits on the year, so maybe you just had to keep holding the pedal to the metal. He grounded into a double play, killing the inning, and keeping the score at 2-0, then also gave up a bomb to Moises Avila to cut the lead in half. I reached for the magazine, but Maud slapped me on the paw.

Dominy lasted seven, striking out nine against six base hits, and maintaining the 2-1 lead. The effort was almost for naught when Alex Ramirez walked a pair in the eighth and gave up a deep fly to Jorge Resendez with two outs, but Ed Hooge made the catch on the edge of the warning track. An insurance run was not in the cards, either, with Berto hitting a single and getting doubled off by Hunter in the bottom 8th. Ricardo Vadillo, Matt Dear, and Chris Murphy thankfully made straight outs against Rico Sanchez in the ninth. 2-1 Critters. Ramos 3-4, 3B; Fernandez 1-2, 2B, RBI; Trevino 1-2, BB, 2B; Dominy 7.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 K, W (3-0);

No, Maud, the oven magazine remains on the table! – Because there’s two more games to this week, and tomorrow they have Sauerkraut pitching! – *Sauer-kraut*! – Maud. Do you ever listen to my ramblings?

Game 2
BOS: 3B Gil – LF J. Davis – SS Bunyon – RF M. Avila – 2B Toney – C Resendez – 1B Vadillo – CF E. Marquez – P J. Santana
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – CF Maldonado – C Kilmer – RF Ledford – 1B Kilgallen – 2B Caskey – P Fonseca

Sadly, Sauerkraut and Fonseca were barely of the same species, and the Raccoons did not figure to be favorites in this Saturday game. Fonseca giving up a triple to John Davis and plating him with a wild pitch right in the top 1st didn’t help, either. Two singles, a walk, and a hit batter produced another two Boston runs in the second inning and I was willing to resign the game, but Maldonado cracked a 2-run double in the bottom 3rd to shorten the gap to a run, chasing home Berto and Manny, and maybe Nelson Fonseca could put consecutive zeroes on the board at least once in his life…! A scoreless top 4th ensued, despite a screaming liner by Marquez that fell for only a single. Would wonders ever cease??

Not really. Berto reached to begin the bottom 5th, then was doubled up by Hunter for the second time in this game, and the third time all week. What happened to Hunter batting eighth?? I think that calculation was made when we expected to hit all or at least some of Greenway, Cosmo, Ledford, and Kilmer to hit over .200 ……. In the sixth, still down 3-2 behind a chewy, stubbornly resisting Nelson Fonseca, who made the very most out of not much skill at all, the Coons got two runners into scoring position. Both had reached on errors by Antonio Gil and Mike Toney, but now it was on Jon Caskey to clip a hit against Becker with two outs – no, they walked him. That brought up Fonseca, so in real terms, a pinch-hitter. Nettles grabbed a stick, then grounded out on the first pitch, stranding all the free runners…

Then came Garavito, and the collapse began. Marquez singled, was bunted over by Sauerkraut, and Gil walked in a full count. John Davis hit a 2-run triple over the head of Maldonado, then scored on Donovan Bunyon’s grounder. The gap was now a slam, and the Raccoons were hopeless. They were hopeless even as they loaded the bases in the bottom 7th on a Berto double, a walk drawn by Hunter, and a 1-out single by Maldonado Kilmer was next, batting .175, but there were only left-handers on the bench, and none of them were batting their weight and would be no help against Sauerkraut, who walked Kilmer to force home a run, 6-3. Greenway hit for an 0-for-3 Brad Ledford and struck out, but Sauerkraut fell to an 0-2 poker up the middle by Kilgallen. It went through, scored two runs, and narrowed the gap to a single run (again). And then Caskey struck out.

Screaming in agony already, I got to watch Campbell and Jones almost spill another few runs, but Chris Murphy struck out with two aboard to end the top 8th. The #9 hole led off for Portland in the bottom 8th. Cosmo batted against Mike Hugh and ripped a triple into the corner to put the tying run on third base. The Titans went to “Graveyard” Gill, who had Berto on two strikes, then gave up two bases on a screamer to left that tied the game, and now the go-ahead run was in scoring position! Hunter was walked intentionally, then forced out on Manny’s grounder, moving Berto to third base. Then Maldonado hit into a 6-4-3. WHHHYYYYYY???? Tell me, Honeypaws!! (shakes stuffed toy raccoon) WHHHYYYYY?????

But it got better! Brent Clark got the top 9th, and gave up a single to Gil right away. Two outs followed that moved the go-ahead run to third base, after which Clark nicked Moises Avila with a 1-2 pitch. Mike Toney batted with runners on the corners, fell to 0-2, then hit a floater into shallow left. Hunter was in position, was run over by an inattentive Manny Fernandez, and the ball hit Hunter in the bum. Gil scored, while Fernandez was assessed an error. I stopped screaming because I could not process the events unfolding appropriately. With runners in scoring position, Alex Ramirez replaced a watery-eyed Brent Clark, then gave up a 2-run single to Resendez, another single to Sean Calais, and a walk to Matt Dear, before Chris Joseph popped out. The Raccoons, not wishing to cause any further commotion, went rather silently in the bottom of the ninth. 9-6 Titans. Ramos 3-3, 2 BB, 2 2B, RBI; Maldonado 2-4, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Trevino (PH) 1-1, 3B;

(makes dying noises)

Game 3
BOS: 3B Gil – LF J. Davis – SS Bunyon – RF M. Avila – 2B Toney – C Resendez – 1B Vadillo – CF Joseph – P Sciulli
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – C Morales – P Bedrosian

Cosmo might be hitting a buck-ninety, but I couldn’t bear more Tony Hunter-induced double plays. While nothing happened in the first, because nobody reached, Troy Greenway completed a weekly cycle with a 2-run triple in the bottom 2nd, chasing home Maldo and Nettles. Sciulli walked Hunter, while Morales grounded out. Bedrosian hit a sac fly, 3-0, and Berto singled up the middle to cash Hunter, 4-0. Cosmo popped out, ending the rush there, while Bedrosian was out of his mind and walked one and struck out seven the first time through the order – a Toneresque performance indeed! (Avila walked, while Toney grounded out). He reached 10 K in the fourth inning, in which the Titans perversely also romped him for three runs. Davis and Bunyon, who hurt a quad and had to be subbed out with Efrain Marquez, hit singles. Toney hit a triple, and Resendez another single. (shoots both fists in the air) RACCOONS!!

In the end, Bedrosian struck out a dozen, but was yanked with Toney and Resendez on the corners in the sixth inning, and only one out. Chuck Jones pissed the lead away when he allowed a single up the middle to Ricardo Vadillo, then struck out Chris Joseph and Blake Sciulli. Tied at four, I consulted Capt’n Coma about the next moves. It was either killing everybody or waiving everybody, and the Capt’n surely had the answer. High on the list was Zacarias, who allowed a single to Gil in the seventh, balked the runner to second base, and then saw him score on Avila’s double, giving Boston a 5-4 lead. The Coons went in order in the seventh against Sciulli, who was SOMEHOW STILL IN THE GAME.

Sciulli also oversaw loading the bases in the bottom 8th before being yanked. Tony Morales hit an RBI single, tying the game and keeping it at three on and no outs for Kilmer, who batted in the #9 hole and hit a sharp grounder that was taken for a force out at home by Vadillo. Three on, and one out, Berto clipped a single to left, scoring Hunter and giving Portland the lead back, 6-5! Cosmo tacked on a sac fly before Mike Hugh got out of the inning. Gil hit a ninth-inning single against Rico Sanchez, but Sanchez also struck out three to put the game away. 7-5 Raccoons. Ramos 2-5, 2 RBI; Maldonado 2-3, 2B; Nettles 2-4; Morales 1-2, 2 BB, RBI;

In other news

April 23 – The Condors lead the Titans, 10-0 in the sixth, and manage to lose on eight runs in the bottom 6th and four more for a walkoff, 12-11, in the ninth. Five relievers partake in Tijuana’s spectacular collapse.
April 24 – BOS OF Willie Vega (.270, 3 HR, 8 RBI) would miss three weeks with chronic back soreness.
April 25 – The hitting streak of Dallas’ Hugo Acosta (.438, 1 HR, 12 RBI) dies at 21 games when he goes 0-for-4 in a 20-2 thrashing the Stars suffer against the Blue Sox. In a good team effort, NAS 2B Juan Encinia (.327, 0 HR, 10 RBI) has four hits and three RBI, while LF/RF Sean Ashley (.306, 3 HR, 12 RBI) has two hits and four RBI.
April 25 – SAC SP Lachlan Clarke (1-1, 2.52 ERA) 2-hits the Miners in a 6-0 shutout.
April 26 – CHA SP Jose de Lucio (2-0, 2.49 ERA) will be out for a month trying treatment for bone chips in his elbow.
April 28 – LAP SP Keith Black (2-2, 3.49 ERA) 1-hits the Warriors in a 3-0 game, striking out three and allowing one hit. The only Warriors hit is a double by C Ethan McCullar (.211, 2 HR, 7 RBI), who is slapped out when overrunning second base on the very same play.

FL Player of the Week: RIC RF/LF Jonathan Fleming (.320, 4 HR, 10 RBI), hitting .533 (8-15) with 2 HR, 5 RBI
CL Player of the Week: BOS LF/RF John Davis (.377, 1 HR, 11 RBI), batting .476 (10-21) with 6 RBI

Complaints and stuff

We should trade for Sauerkraut. That would confuse Maud, and every expert in the game, but for different reasons.

Totally a winning move in my book.

I don’t know what else to do. The team sits on 101 runs scored, 101 runs allowed. They are very average. They don’t hit homers, but give up homers galore. They also never score a guy on second base with nobody out, or three guys on with nobody out. It’s hard watching. I haven’t been this exhausted since I watched exercise videos in the 80s.

I hope Bedrosian and Dominy keep it up until the time where you can trade them for prospects.

Prospect watch: Nelson Moreno is 2-1 with a 3.71 ERA in AAA. The 98mph heater and the knuckle curve work well. The third and fourth pitches and command is where it hits the snag. Corey Mathers has a 2.67 ERA in Ham Lake, so he might soon move up to AAA, too.

Fun Fact: Daniel Rocha got into 81 games with the Raccoons between 2027 and 2031, hitting .171 with no homers and 14 RBI.

The catcher is an entry in the category of “rightfully forgotten Critters”. Snatched out of Colombia by our scouting department, Rocha languished in the minors for seven years, where his lone highlight was a walkoff grand slam against the Minneapolis Kites in single-A in ’24, before being called up in 2027, hitting a superficially excusable .221 with 6 RBI. He hit .357 with 1 RBI in just nine games in 2028, which somehow earned him a World Series ring. I surely did not vote on that. But casual exposure over the next few years revaled nothing but hollowness and low .100s batting averages.

He was stricken off the 40-man roster in 2032, and elected minor league free agency in 2033. The Bayhawks gave him a gander in their system in ’34, but he was released after that season and never got another look. Those 81 games with the Raccoons were all of his career.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (12-13) vs. Loggers (10-14) – April 30-May 3, 2040

The Raccoons would stick to home to host the Loggers in a 4-game set, the first meeting with them in 2040. They had won the season series in ’39 with 11 wins to the Critters’ seven, but right now were sitting below them in the standings. That didn’t sound like something the Critters could blow, though – the Loggers had a +1 run differential and their luck would sure soon turn around, despite being just about as mediocre as the Raccoons. The Loggers were seventh in runs allowed and eighth in runs scored – for the Coons it was the other way round.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-3, 4.26 ERA) vs. Carlos Padilla (2-2, 6.07 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-5, 5.26 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (0-1, 3.94 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (3-0, 2.34 ERA) vs. Joe Feltman (2-2, 3.79 ERA)
Nelson Fonseca (0-1, 5.68 ERA) vs. Sal Chavez (1-3, 4.20 ERA)

All right-handers!

Game 1
MIL: C F. Gomez – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – 3B J. Paul – LF J. Nelson – 1B Ronan – 2B V. Acosta – CF Torri – P C. Padilla
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – C Morales – P B. Chavez

Maldonado doubled home Manny Fernandez for a 1-0 lead in the first, but Bernie managed to run that one through the shredder in no time at all. After retiring the Loggers in order in the first, he allowed leadoff singles to Jared Paul and Justin Nelson in the second, walked Joseph Ronan, and then somehow got out with only a sac fly hit by Victor Acosta. The Loggers’ taking a 2-1 lead in the third inning was unearned; Danny Valenzuela reached on a Trevino error before being singled home with two outs by Paul. The Raccoons got Bernie and Berto on base to begin the bottom of bespoke inning, but they both were badly neglected by those being up behind them. Troy Greenway hit into a double play in the fourth, but in the sixth Manny, Maldo, and Greenway (of all people) cobbled three singles together to tie the game… and then Tony Morales killed the inning with a double play grounder.

Bernie Chavez held the Loggers to four hits in a 2-2 tie through six and two thirds, then gave up two screamers and a run to Felipe Gomez and Danny Valenzuela, getting back a-trailing. The Raccoons would answer with five sad outs before Stephon Nettles buried a 2-out triple in the gap against Padilla in the bottom 8th. Greenway was up next and tied the score for the second time in the game, snapping a double to center to make it three-all. Tony Hunter walked after that, and Tony Morales grounded out at 3-1, ending a promising inning. Jermaine Campbell and Rico Sanchez held the fort through regulation, and the Raccoons hoped extras would not be necessary. Jeff Kilmer though struck out to begin the bottom 9th against right-hander Cesar Perez, but then Berto and Cosmo hit singles to take up position at the corners. Manny Fernandez batted with one out, struck out, and Maldonado grounded out, leaving the winning run on third base. Rico Sanchez promptly gave up a run in the 10th – his first as a Portlander – on Jared Paul’s 1-out triple. Paul was also hurt on the play, to be replaced by Bob Cruz, but that was no consolation to the Coons. Facing right-hander Gualter Cymbron in the bottom 10th, Nettles struck out, Greenway singled, and Hunter struck out. Brad Ledford hit for Sanchez, ran a 3-1 count, then popped out. 4-3 Loggers. Ramos 2-5; Fernandez 2-5; Maldonado 2-5, 2B, RBI; Nettles 2-5, 3B; Greenway 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI;

(sour look)

Game 2
MIL: 2B Lira – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – 3B J. Paul – LF J. Nelson – 1B Ronan – C F. Gomez – CF C. Sealock – P Piedra
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – CF Nettles – 1B Maldonado – RF Greenway – LF Ledford – 2B Caskey – C Kilmer – P Sabre

The Loggers scored the most casual 3-spot (two earned) on Sabre in the first inning, which was something we were used to by now. There was a single, a walk, a stupid Ramos error, a bases-loaded walk, a 2-run single by Ronan, a wild pitch, and somehow consecutive outs from Felipe Gomez and Chris Sealock when the relievers in the Coons pen already started stretching. And while the pen didn’t actually get physically involved in the game until after Sabre had completed seven innings on 100 pitches and only four more hits and no tack-on runs, neither had the Coons’ offense. They had sprinkled five hits through seven, Maldonado singling home one measly run while I wasn’t watching. Chris Sealock hit a home run off Brent Clark in the ninth, with Clark then putting two left-handed batters on base after that. Alex Ramirez got the last out there from Valenzuela, not that it mattered. When the Raccoons got the tying run to the plate in the ninth inning against Cymbron, it had required an uncaught third strike by Gomez to kickstart the inning. That’s how Greenway reached. Ledford singled. Ed Hooge hit for Caskey and struck out. Kilmer singled to left. Manny Fernandez then hit with the tying runs aboard in the pitcher’s spot, lined the first pitch at the scourge of humanity, Ted Del Vecchio, for the second out, Ledford was caught off base, tagged for the third out, and that game was in the bin, too. 4-1 Loggers. Hunter 2-4; Kilmer 2-4;

Game 3
MIL: 2B Lira – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – 3B J. Paul – LF J. Nelson – 1B Ronan – C F. Gomez – CF Torri – P Feltman
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – C Morales – 1B Kilgallen – P Dominy

Dominy got a 1-0 lead in the first on a Ramos Special; walk, stolen base, Fernandez single, cleanly executed. The second inning was messier, with Hunter and Kilgallen reaching. Berto singled to load the bases with two outs, after which Cosmo singled home one, and Manny singled home two. Maldonado walked, but Greenway struck out, stranding three. Maldonado would tie the sack tight, for practical purposes, with a 3-run homer in the fourth, scoring Berto and Cosmo. That one ended Feltman’s day, while the Raccoons’ starter Dominy had allowed only one base hit against six strikeouts so far. He maintained a 2-hitter through six, by which time the Raccoons had tacked on another two runs against left-handed former starter Arnie Terwilliger in long relief.

Dominy was still shutting out the Loggers through seven innings before things became unhinged. Justin Nelson had already hit an infield single in the seventh, but had been stranded. In the eighth, Dan Torri opened with another infield single, then was tripled in by Victor Acosta. When Tony Lira grounded softly to first base, Matt Kilgallen fudged that ball for an error, allowing Acosta across, 9-2. Chuck Jones replaced the stumbled Dominy, getting out of the inning against the next three hitters. To my great surprise, the ninth didn’t bring a 9-run meltdown even after Manny Fernandez drove in an unretired Alberto Ramos for a third time in the eighth inning, the tenth and final run on the Raccoons’ ledger this day. 10-2 Critters. Ramos 2-2, 2 BB, RBI; Trevino 3-5, 2 RBI; Fernandez 3-5, 2B, 4 RBI; Morales 2-4; Dominy 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (4-0);

You couldn’t save a few runs for the next bushel of 1-run losses, no? Does anybody in hear no maths??

Game 4
MIL: 2B Lira – C F. Gomez – SS Del Vecchio – 3B J. Paul – LF J. Nelson – 1B Ronan – RF C. Rivera – CF Torri – P S. Chavez
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – RF Hooge – SS Hunter – C Morales – 1B Kilgallen – P Fonseca

Nelson Fonseca pitched two scoreless to begin the game, which was already almost worth celebrating, then came to bat in the bottom 2nd, where the Loggers, with Hooge and Hunter aboard already, had walked Kilgallen intentionally with *one* out. Fonseca sniffed the chance for immortality with three aboard – and slapped a 1-1 pitch into a double play.

******* Ted Del Vecchio then tripled home a run with two outs in the top 3rd, but the Critters countered, to anybody’s surprise. Berto and Nettles reached base, with Manny singling home the tying run with one out. Nettles was thrown out trying to reach third base, but Manny moved up, then scored on Ed Hooge’s double, and Hoogey came around on a Tony Hunter single. Hunter, in turn was driven in when Morales doubled. Kilgallen was walked intentionally again, and Fonseca grounded out again, keeping it to a 4-spot. But the 4-1 lead was not diamonds, as in, it wasn’t forever. Jared Paul took it all away in the fifth inning, which was not shocking, because this was *Nelson Fonseca*, the Plan B to an already incredible stupid Plan A. He scored the tying runs with two outs in the fifth, those runs being Lira and … (sigh) … Sal Chavez, who had hit a leadoff single.

Fonseca got antoher lead, posthumously. Maldonado batted for him leading off the bottom 6th against a resilient Sal Chavez and singled. He stole second, then came around on a Nettles single after an intentional walk to Cosmo (who was batting .196 by the way…). The tie broken, Manny loaded the bases with a single to center and one out, but Hooge popped out and Hunter grounded out. Still them old Coons, huh? Troy Greenway hit a pinch-hit double in the seventh, but that was about it while the bullpen was supposed to hold a 1-run lead together. Jermaine Campbell got around a leadoff single in the seventh. Ramirez and Clark didn’t let anybody on in the eighth. Rico Sanchez got two grounders in the ninth, then walked Bob Cruz. Mel Lira singled. Felipe Gomez ran a full count, then poked on a low pitch and hit a hobbler to first base, Kilgallen on it, back to the base, and just in time to end the ballgame…! 5-4 Raccoons. Ramos 2-3, 2 BB; Nettles 3-5, RBI; Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Hooge 3-5, 2B, RBI; Hunter 2-4, RBI; Morales 2-4, 2B, RBI; Maldonado (PH) 1-1; Greenway (PH) 1-1, 2B;

Five runs’ not much for *16* base hits. And five walks on top of that. I guess stranding 13 and hitting into two double plays (and a caught stealing for Nettles) takes its toll on your chances…

Raccoons (14-15) @ Stars (15-13) – May 4-6, 2040

The Stars were surprisingly close to the top of the FL West this year, sitting only one game out as the Raccoons rumbled into town. They were seventh in runs scored and eighth in runs allowed in the Federal League, with a -12 run differential hitting at certain problems that made a candidacy for the playoffs unlikely. Stunningly, they also hit no homers, ranking bottoms in the league with nine bombs. Further complicating their offensive problems was having a DL with four hitters, including regulars like Jon Ramos and Jake Trawick. These teams had last met in 2038, with the Stars then taking two of three games.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (2-0, 2.19 ERA) vs. Matt Holliday (0-3, 5.45 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-3, 3.96 ERA) vs. Daniel Hernandez (2-0, 2.66 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-3, 4.68 ERA) vs. Corey Booth (3-2, 3.50 ERA)

Again, only right-handed pitchers coming up here. And yes, that is the Daniel Hernandez that was a toss-in along with Bryce Sparkes into our system in 2036, and tossed out for Fernando Garcia less than 12 months later. He was putting up most of his numbers in relief though. This would be his fourth career start.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – P Bedrosian
DAL: 1B A. Zacarias – SS Zeltser – 2B H. Acosta – C Torreo – CF Cecil – RF Sandstrom – LF J. Crawford – 3B J. Rivas – P Holliday

Jason Crawford brought in the first run of the game in the second, a 6-4-3 grounder with Tylor Cecil and Chris Sandstrom on the corners in the bottom 2nd. Kilmer was also poised to hit into a 6-4-3 with no run to score in the fourth inning, but Bob Zeltser, who had landed five hits in a 4-3 win over LA the day before, fumbled the grounder, and loaded the bases for the heretofore lame-pawed Raccoons with one out and Tony Hunter in the box. Holliday got him to 0-2 before Hunter narrowly lobbed a breaking ball over a reaching Hugo Acosta – the FL Hitter of the Month of April – for an RBI single. Bedrosian struck out easily, but now with two outs Berto shot a ball through strong defender Jose Rivas and up the leftfield line. The bases cleared, and the Raccoons had a 4-1 lead on the double! Cosmo grounded out to end the rush after that.

Nettles and Fernandez hit singles to begin the fifth, but Maldonado popped out and Greenway hit into a double play. Holliday tried to hold out, got two outs to begin the sixth, but then gave up a single to Bedrosian, of all people, and also put Berto on base. Cosmo singled through the right side after that for an RBI single, running the tally to 5-1 and knocking out Holiday. In came the #45 pick from 2036, right-hander Matt Simmons, for his ABL debut. His first batter was Stephon Nettles, and at 2-2 he gave up a screaming 2-run double up the rightfield line, although Manny grounded out. Maldonado hit a leadoff double off Simmons in the seventh, then scored on two productive outs to pile on an eighth run. Eight was also how long Bedrosian lasted before running out of gas, having allowed only two hits. Mauricio Garavito completed the game for Portland with two strikeouts and a grounder. 8-1 Critters! Ramos 2-4, BB, 2B, 3 RBI; Trevino 2-5, RBI; Nettles 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Maldonado 3-4, 2B; Ledford (PH) 1-1; Bedrosian 8.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (3-0) and 2-4;

Back to .500 …! And tied with the … Indians? That doesn’t sound good.

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Morales – SS Hunter – P Chavez
DAL: 1B A. Zacarias – SS Zeltser – 2B H. Acosta – C Torreo – CF Cecil – RF Sandstrom – LF J. Crawford – 3B J. Rivas – P D. Hernandez

Both teams scratched out a run in the second inning on a single and a double, with Portland seeing Maldonado score on Morales’ groundout. Bernie Chavez looked half-decent until he shuffled the bags full on a single and two walks in the fourth, then gave up two runs on a Crawford single, but the Raccoons would romp out four singles of their own, and a walk, to take a 4-3 lead in the fifth. Cosmo, Nettles, and Fernandez all got a 2-out RBI in the inning. Bernie Chavez got through the fifth, then walked the bases again in the sixth before being yanked. Cecil and Crawford had hits, Jose Rivas walked in a full count, and Lorenzo Celaya pinch-hit for Hernandez with one out. Chuck Jones came out of the pen for Portland, gave up a single to right, with Cecil scoring and Crawford being thrown out at home by Troy Greenway while the other runners moved into scoring position. Jones walked Alex Zacarias, then got Zeltser to pop out, ending the inning, the score even at four.

While the Raccoons continued to do nothing, and especially not hit homers in the goddamn shoebox they were trapped in for the weekend, their bullpen wobbled mightily. Jones and Rafael Zacarias only stalled the Stars on third base in the seventh inning, and in the eighth Mauricio Garavito loaded the bases on soft singles and a walk, then gave up another ******* blooper to Hugo Acosta with two outs that cost two runs, and the game, too. 6-4 Stars. Greenway 2-4, 2B; Hooge (PH) 1-1;

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – P Sabre
DAL: 1B A. Zacarias – LF J. Crawford – 2B H. Acosta – 3B Lorensen – RF Sandstrom – SS J. Rivas – C Sepulveda – CF Cecil – P Booth

Portland had the bags full in the first on singles by Cosmo (who stole second), Fernandez, and a walk drawn by Maldonado. Hoogey ripped the first pitch off the fence in rightfield for a 2-run double, after which Greenway walked on four pitches, and Jeff Kilmer slapped in another pair with a single through the right side. The inning fizzled out after that, putting Sabre and his highly mixed season record on the line with a 4-0 lead. The Stars got him for a run right away with three mostly sharp singles by Zacarias, Crawford, and Ryan Lorensen. In the second inning, Cecil singled, stole second, and came around on a Zacarias single, 4-2. Somehow, Acosta’s leadoff single in the bottom 3rd did not lead to a run, and the Raccoons instead turned up the burner again in the fourth against Booth, who got two outs before going under against the top of the order, who reached on a walk and two singles before Maldo clipped an RBI single to shallow center, 5-2. A passed ball blamed on Edward Sepulveda plated another run before Hoogey could fly out to right.

Booth was hit for in the bottom 4th, then replaced with Matt Simmons, Friday’s debutant. He walked a pair that Berto singled home with two outs in the fifth, 8-2. It still didn’t look like Sabre would get a W… Zacarias and Crawford opened the bottom 5th with singles, then Acosta reached on a Trevino error. That should have been two. I was just mad of all of them equally… Sabre nailed Lorensen with an 0-2 pitch to get a run across, then gave up a pop in left to Chris Sandstrom. Manny made the catch, found Zacarias going home, and threw him out. When Sabre STILL continued to **** up and allowed two runs on a Rivas liner, he was yanked after four and two thirds. Campbell found a way out of the ******* inning, then was ticked for a run the following inning…

When the Raccoons had Manny and Maldo on base to begin the inning after that stomach twister, Hooge hit into a double play, and Greenway was of course no help, dead or alive. The Stars had the tying runs aboard in the eighth against Clark and Ramirez, but didn’t score when Crawford popped out. An insurance run would have been too much asked from the Critters after they had whittled away two thirds of a 6-run lead. Rico Sanchez inherited the 2-run gap for the ninth, facing the meat of the order. Acosta singled, but was doubled up by Lorensen, 6-4-3. Sandstrom flew out to center. 8-6 Critters. Ramos 3-5, 2 RBI; Trevino 2-5; Fernandez 2-4, BB; Maldonado 2-4, BB, RBI; Hooge 2-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Kilmer 2-5, 2 RBI;

In other news

April 30 – The Falcons drop 21 hits on the Bayhawks and manage to lose, 15-11 in 10 innings, despite stranding fewer base runners than the Bayhawks. To blame might be Falcons pitching, the staff walking *14* San Francisco batters on their way to defeat.
May 4 – VAN OF Jerry Outram (.307, 6 HR, 22 RBI) will be shut down for three weeks with shoulder soreness.
May 5 – Atlanta OF Nelson Velez (.250, 3 HR, 22 RBI) plates six runs from the leadoff spot in a 17-4 battering of the Cyclones.
May 5 – SAL 3B/2B Tim Stackhouse (.333, 1 HR, 4 RBI) goes deep for the only run in the Wolves’ 1-0 win over the Condors.
May 6 – The Capitals are razed by the Canadiens, 18-2. 11 runs scored in the sixth inning alone. Vancouver’s Ryan Phillips (.351, 2 HR, 20 RBI) drives in four runs on as many hits.

FL Player of the Week: NAS LF/RF Sean Ashley (.342, 6 HR, 24 RBI), hitting .467 (14-30) with 2 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: CHA INF/CF/RF Jose Farfan (.331, 6 HR, 20 RBI), batting .438 (14-32) with 2 HR, 6 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: DAL 2B Hugo Acosta (.455, 1 HR, 18 RBI)
CL Hitter of the Month: VAN OF Jerry Outram (.287, 5 HR, 18 RBI)
FL Pitcher of the Month: DEN CL Kurt Crater (1-0, 0.00 ERA, 9 SV)
CL Pitcher of the Month: IND SP Jake Jackson (4-0, 0.66 ERA)
FL Rookie of the Month: NAS RF/LF Cory Cronk (.462, 1 HR, 3 RBI) - insert sad GM noises here
CL Rookie of the Month: ATL 3B/SS Ryan Holmes (.247, 0 HR, 6 RBI)

Complaints and stuff

(threateningly holds the blunderbuss) One word about Cory Cronk and …!

Drowned out in the momentous rush and eventual crushing disappointment of Monday was Cosmo Trevino’s 2,500th career hit. Not too shabby for a 32-year-old (increasingly with the glove of a 37-year old); most of his successes of course came with the Caps – with Portland he only logged 515 base hits.

The Raccoons posted a winning week (4-3) when they did everything they could to not do so. Not sure what’s up with Sabre, but I’m pretty sure that in this condition, beaten and tattered, he’ll be neither worth a prospect nor a compensation pick. The same is true for a few others around here…

Troy Greenway’s BABIP is .188 by the way, and Kilmer is barely batter. There’s more that are getting totally robbed on a consistent basis, while on the other hand Berto hit hitting .374, which leads the Continental League, and has a BABIP of .407. That means two things – either he never lands a hit again this season, or he’s about three innings away from a broken leg.

And probably both.

And Nelson Moreno? His ERA is a flat three at this point.

Fun Fact: The players drafted ahead of #5 pick Manny Fernandez in the 2031 draft include a Pitcher of the Year, a Rookie of the Year, and a guy who came apart at age 26.

Manny was one of three outfielders the Coons eyed on their 2031 hotlist. The other two went 1-2 in the draft. Joe Ritchey to the Rebs, and Ryan Murray to the Stars. While Ritchey has been an All Star once, he’s barely above league-average for his career and a .255 hitter with just 59 homers in exactly 500 games. Murray didn’t even make it that far, debuting in the same year as he was drafted, but tearing his labrum beyond repair in 2036, after 577 games of .259/.348/.387 with 34 homers and 287 RBI.

Chris Delagrange was taken #3 by the Cyclones and was the 2034 FL ROTY. He led the FL in slugging in ’36 and hit 30 homers that season. He’s with Topeka now, a career .269 hitter with 141 homers and 563 RBI. He also won a Gold Glove. #4 pick Chris Crowell (with the Aces) meanwhile was the 2035 CL Pitcher of the Year in his second season in the majors, going 20-7 with a 2.77 ERA. He has never quite come close to that and then there was back issues and shoulder woes… He’s 61-54 with a 3.66 ERA for his time in the majors.

And Manny? He was the 2036 Player of the Year in the CL of course, batting .326 with 19 homers for a team that was stopped in the CLCS. He reached the majors in the early summer of ’33 and hasn’t been away since, although that MVP year was a flash in the pan. It was the only time he had an OPS+ of better than 123 (147) and while he’s a bank to hit .290 with double digit bombs and 3+ WAR, he’s not the dominant force that will change the course of baseball history. For his career, he’s at .290/.339/.434 with 95 homers and 564 RBI in 1,066 games. He also stole 128 bases.

Will he be worth prospects?

[Westheim]

Raccoons (16-16) vs. Miners (15-17) – May 8-10, 2040

Here were too middling teams that didn’t know whether to go up or down. The Mines had a -22 run differential that probably hinted at down, with the main issue being their eighth-place offense that had the worst batting average in the Federal League, despite routinely stellar Danny Santillano (.320, 8 HR, 25 RBI), who led the team triple crown competition rather comfortably. We had swept them last season.

Projected matchups:
Kyle Dominy (4-0, 2.38 ERA) vs. Matt Peterson (4-1, 2.60 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (3-0, 2.00 ERA) vs. Joe West (1-1, 2.87 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-3, 4.30 ERA) vs. Roberto Pruneda (2-2, 3.08 ERA)

More right-handed opposition inbound.

…and while the Raccoons *wanted* to lead off the series with Kyle Dominy, he was a late scratch. At game time, he showed up looking like death, and coughing violently. Nelson Fonseca (1-1, 5.79 ERA), who was supposed to be skipped through Monday’s off day, had to scramble to get pants on to make the Tuesday start after all. Good beginning to the week!

Game 1
PIT: CF del Toro – C Zarate – 1B Santillano – SS Rowell – 3B Lastrade – RF A. Wade – LF Reeves – 2B Freeman – P M. Peterson
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – C Morales – P Fonseca

Predictably, Fonseca was torched. Omar Lastrade hit a leadoff jack in the second inning, after which Fonseca nailed or walked the bases full until he gave up a 2-out, 2-run single to Danny Zarate. Danny Santillano also hit a scorcher, but lined out to Trevino.

While the Raccoons continued to have no fifth starter worth the breath required to mention him, the Raccoons did some copycatting in the bottom of the third inning. Tony Morales led off with a homer to right, 3-1, before Fonseca, Berto, and Cosmo all singled in order to load the bases with nobody out. Manny Fernandez tied the game with a single to right-center, with the trailing runners reaching scoring position after Adrian Wade’s ill-advised throw to home plate. Maldonado and Nettles both hit RBI singles, 5-3, and while Troy Greenway struck out to become the first Critter retired in the inning, the Tony Troup each added a run on Hunter’s groundout and Morales’ single. Fonseca reached on a Ben “Nine Fingers” Freeman error (that tenth finger would sometimes be handy!) but Berto grounded out to end the 7-run onslaught.

Then Fonseca, the ******* loser, set out to blow the game anyway. Freeman double, walk drawn by T.J. Sera, Zarate and Rick Rowell with RBI singles … the tying runs were on the corners in the fourth inning when the Raccoons axed their failed starter, brought in Brent Clark, saw him get to 1-2 against Lastrade, then give up a double anyway. Zarate scored, and Rowell was sent around from first base, but was cut down in a collision at the plate that ended the inning with a 7-6 score. He was replaced by Devon Ponto. Clark put runners on the corners in the fifth inning before being yanked for Campbell, who narrowly escaped blowing the lead. He entered in a double switch with Brad Ledford (Greenway’s bum ended up on the bench), who singled home Tony Hunter in the bottom 5th, 8-6. In a wicked game, the Raccoons would load the bases against Josh Heckman in the bottom 6th. Two down, Tony Morales doubled home Nettles and Jon Caskey, reaching double digits, before Ledford grounded out, but the two runs were beaten back out of an old and crummy Mauricio Garacito in the seventh. Even worse was Rafael Zacarias, who appeared in the eighth, allowed a single to Lastrade, nailed Adrian Wade, and then gave up a 3-piece to Bill Reeves. At that point the Miners were ahead 11-10, and I was ready for murder. The Coons did nothing in the bottom 8th, and Morales grounded out against Robbie Peel to begin the bottom 9th. Jeff Kilmer then hit for Ledford as the final righty option on the bench, tripled into the gap, and the tying run was now 90 feet away. Berto jumped on the chance, singled to right, where Wade overran the ball for an extra base, and defeat was staved off for the time being. But even with Berto on second base, Cosmo struck out and Ed Hooge – last guy off the bench – hitting in the #3 hole earlier vacated in one of many, many fruitless double switches – grounded out.

Thus, extras beckoned in an 11-11 game, in which the Raccoons had little else to give. And the game had yet more to give – like a scoreless 10th by Rico Sanchez. Nettles singled in the bottom of the inning, but was caught stealing. Sanchez then retired the first two in the 11th before allowing a single to del Toro, and beaning Zarate. That was a problem for the Miners – their bench was also empty, and they now didn’t have a catcher left! Roberto Pruneda pinch-ran for Zarate, and Santillano, trying to exact revenge on the Coons, struck out to end the inning. Pruneda, starting pitcher by trade, ended up behind the plate, catching right-hander Carlos Rojo, but the Raccoons – the Tony Troup and pinch-hitter Bernie Chavez – all made quick outs. With Chuck Jones handling the situation in the 12th without killing anybody else, the Raccoons resorted to the top of the order against the same battery, with Cosmo ripping a 1-out triple to center. The Miners didn’t buy into Ed Hooge and walked him. Maldonado grounded to third base, with Lastrade pinning Trevino before throwing out the batter at first base. I screamed in agony. There was no walk to Stephon Nettles with first base open and Matt Kilgallen batting behind him – and that was the end of the game, with Nettles singling to center. 12-11 Critters. Ramos 3-7, RBI; Fernandez 2-5, 2 RBI; Maldonado 3-7, RBI; Nettles 4-7, 2 RBI; Caskey (PH) 1-1; Morales 3-6, HR, 4 RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1, RBI; Kilmer (PH) 1-1, 3B; Sanchez 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

After this drainer of a game, the Raccoons made some changes. Nelson Fonseca (1-1, 7.25 ERA) was optioned to the Alley Cats. So was Rafael Zacarias (0-1, 7.27 ERA). Well, he would have been, but refused the demotion, so ended up on waivers instead. ********.

We brought up frequent guest Francisco Pena (2.81 ERA in St. Pete) and … well, not Nelson Moreno. It was not his time yet. Also not Cory Lambert, signed for depth in April, since he had an 11.81 ERA in St. Pete. Jose de Leon (3.44 ERA with more walks than strikeouts) was recalled from the Alley Cats, with the greatest reluctance, and pencilled in for the Sunday start.

Game 2
PIT: LF Serad – C Zarate – 1B Santillano – SS Ponto – 3B Lastrade – RF A. Wade – CF del Toro – 2B Freeman – P Pruneda
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – C Morales – P Bedrosian

20 hours after catching two innings, Roberto Pruneda was called upon to pitch, skipping Joe West. The assignment got the Coons a small-ball run with Berto and Cosmo walking and eventually a Maldonado sac fly in the first, a longball run by Troy Greenway in the second, and then another glimpse of the abyss in the top of the third, where the Miners scored their first run without the benefit of a base hit. Del Toro walked to begin the inning, was balked to second by Bedrosian, and Bedrosian also dropped Maldo’s feed at first base when Freeman grounded to right. Runners on the corners, Pruneda hit a sorry roller in front of home plate that Tony Morales threw away for two bases, with both remaining runners scoring on groundouts by T.J. Serad and the recently-beaned Danny Zarate. Three runs, no hits, all unearned!

Bedrosian, down 3-2, angrily struck out the side in the fourth and two more batters in the fifth. He got back into the lead in the bottom 5th, drawing a 2-out walk. Cosmo hit a double, and so did Manny, flipping the score to 4-3 Portland, before Maldo grounded out. Serad then landed the first hit for Pittsburgh in the sixth, a leadoff single, but was caught stealing. Nettles, however, stole a base successfully this time, taking a crucial 90 feet ahead of being singled home by Greenway in the bottom 6th, extending the lead to 5-3.

Bedrosian then blew that in earned fashion with two outs in the seventh. Ben Freeman singled, Josh Glover was nailed, and two more singles by Serad and Zarate tied the ballgame at five. Brent Clark then got out of the inning against Santillano before shuffling the bags full in the eighth. Alex Ramirez conceded a run on a groundout before getting out of that pile of ****. A quick succession of Pittsburgh relievers walked two Coons in the bottom 8th, but they were stranded in scoring position when Ed Hooge struck out. It was Peel against the top of the order in the bottom 9th, trying to make up one run to tie, and two to win. They were retired in order. 6-5 Miners. Greenway 2-3, BB, HR, 2 RBI;

Slappy, do you ever wonder why baseball is so gruesome? – You’re right. More drink, less think.

Game 3
PIT: LF Serad – C Zarate – 1B Santillano – SS Ponto – 3B Lastrade – RF A. Wade – CF del Toro – 2B Freeman – P Dykstra
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – SS Caskey – P Dominy

Former Coons farmhand Jonathan Dykstra (3-2, 3.47 ERA) was up for the rubber game. He got a 1-0 lead almost instantly with T.J. Serad opening the game with a triple to center, but the Raccoons got Nettles and Greenway to the corners in the bottom 2nd. Kilmer singled the game tied, Caskey singled to give Portland a 2-1 lead, and Dominy himself singled to load the bags with one out for Berto, who hit a sac fly before the inning ended on Cosmo’s grounder to second, and he left another pair on base in the fourth inning, then with a comebacker to Dykstra.

Dominy labored hard through quite a few long counts and had his pitch count up over 70 through five innings. He clearly wasn’t really fresh after two days mostly spent sneezing and wheezing. The defense also wasn’t the freshest, with Cosmo especially playing like three blind mice on defense in this series. Then Senor Trevino’s bat came up with two in scoring position and two outs AGAIN in the sixth inning, in what was still a 3-1 game. For a change, he grounded out to Santillano.

Freeman walked in the seventh, then was bunted to second base. With the left-handed Serad up, the Raccoons went to Brent Clark, who got a worryingly deep fly to center, but Nettles caught it to end the inning. Come the eighth, Clark nailed Santillano and allowed a single to Ponto. Lastrade hit a bloop single off Alex Ramirez to load the bases. Wade struck out, which was out number two, with Josh Glover hitting for del Toro. The Raccoons answered with Chuck Jones, who had pitched in both earlier games in the set, but would only have to retire this one batter. Glover whiffed on high heat. Rico Sanchez then issued a leadoff walk to Freeman, inviting the tying run back to the plate. But a defensive realignment had brought in Tony Hunter (with Caskey to third) and that move paid off on Serad’s grounder up the middle, which Hunter intercepted *and* turned into a double play. Zarate grounded out as well. 3-1 Coons. Nettles 2-4; Caskey 2-3, BB, RBI; Dominy 6.2 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (5-0) and 1-1;

A win is a win is a win…

Raccoons (18-17) vs. Crusaders (12-19) – May 11-13, 2040

The Raccoons led the season series against New York, 2-1, and hoped for a good weekend and some trouncing on the worst offense in the league (3.7 R/G), paired with middling pitching. They had a -35 run differential and it was pretty damn early for that. They also had a few injuries, with Rich Salek on the DL, Ramon Sifuentes ailing, and their big-bills addition, Chris Wise (0-1, 3.24 ERA) was out for the year with a torn rotator cuff.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-3, 4.30 ERA) vs. Josh Brown (3-1, 3.49 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-3, 4.82 ERA) vs. Dave Hils (1-5, 6.00 ERA)
Jose de Leon (0-0) vs. Todd Lush (2-2, 4.28 ERA)

That looked like left-handers on either end around righty Hils, but they had been off on Thursday and were free to shuffle.

Game 1
NYC: SS Adame – LF C. Russell – 2B Briones – 1B Levis – CF Besaw – C D. Phillips – RF J. Garcia – 3B Stedham – P J. Brown
POR: 3B Ramos – 1B Maldonado – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Nettles – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – 2B Caskey – P Chavez

Bernie Chavez was torn to shreds once more, facing 18 batters and throwing over 80 pitches in three abysmal innings to begin the Friday game. He walked two and allowed a single to ex-Coon Jesse Stedham for one run in the second inning, then was torched for three hits, two walks, and two runs in the third inning before getting strike three by Josh Brown in a full count to end the misery. He then retired absolutely nobody to begin the fourth inning, as Alex Adame, Chris Russell, and Mario Briones all hit singles, 4-0, and Doug Levis spanked a double, 5-0. That was it – Francisco Pena replaced him, and somehow exited the inning on a K, a pop, and a grounder to first without allowing another run. Not that it mattered. Or anything, really…

Manny Fernandez doubled home a sad run in the fourth inning, but the Raccoons looked completely beaten through five. Cosmo batted for Pena (three scoreless) to lead off the bottom 6th and walked, after which Berto and Manny jammed RBI doubles and Nettles drove home Fernandez, 5-4. And then it stopped again. The Crusaders stranded runners on third base in the seventh (against Garavito) and eighth (against Campbell), then broke through against Rico Sanchez, of all people. There was a 2-out single by Arnauld Caccianemici … that’s what it says. Maud, check that. …and that piece of scum stole second base, then scored on a bloop single by Jim Adams. Insurance run, just like that. The Raccoons shrugged and went down in order anyway. 6-4 Crusaders. Fernandez 2-4, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1, 2B; Pena 3.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 4 K;

(sigh)

Game 2
NYC: SS Adame – 1B Rudd – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – LF C. Russell – 3B Stedham – C D. Phillips – RF Melendez – P Hils
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – RF Ledford – C Morales – 1B Kilgallen – SS Hunter – P Sabre

While the Raccoons went down in order the first time through the lineup, Sabre especially continued to look like a guy that shouldn’t have had his $2M team option picked up. He struck out nobody and relied entirely on defense, which of course led to an inevitable string of base hits with two outs in the second inning. Stedham and Devin Phillips singled, Bill Melendez doubled home a run … somehow at least Hils grounded out to Kilgallen at first…

When Hils left with an injury in the fourth, Jamal Barrow attempted to continue the perfect game, although his ERA also started with a six. It didn’t work – Manny Fernandez hit a leadoff single in the fifth, which was followed by crushing silence. The Coons didn’t reach base again until the seventh, when Nettles dropped a 1-out single in shallow right, while they were still down 1-0. Manny followed up with a single to left. Ledford struck out, Morales grounded out, nobody scored. With Sabre somehow subsisting on nothing but the Coons’ crummy defense, the Crusaders hung with Barrow into the eighth, when Tony Hunter singled. Sabre bunted the tying run to second base. Berto, facing left-hander Casey McQueen, stranded the runner by popping out. Raffaello Sabre ended up finishing a ******* nine innings with four hits and that one ****** run against him, then watched on as right-hander Manny Vasquez came out for New York. ERA over five, but it’s not like that means anything… Cosmo flew out to center. Nettles singled. Fernandez jammed a grounder to short. To second. To first. 1-0 Crusaders. Nettles 2-4; Fernandez 2-4; Sabre 9.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 1 K, L (2-4);

I feel like I should say something, but I have no words.

Game 3
NYC: SS Adame – 1B Rudd – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – 3B Stedham – C D. Phillips – LF Caccianemici – RF Melendez – P Lush
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Kilgallen – 3B Caskey – P de Leon

Spiritually, we were already swept. Jose de Leon was just in there to make it official as quickly and clearly as possible. While the top 1st was scoreless, the top 2nd was decidedly not. Jesse Stedham drew a leadoff walk, Devin Phillips and Bill Melendez hit RBI doubles, their ******* rat bastard pitcher hit an RBI triple, and scored on Adame’s groundout. Four runs in the inning, or four times as many as needed to beat these hopeless Raccoons. Another four runs followed in the next two innings; one, driven in by Catch-anal-cancer, in the third, and three more in the fourth. I was disturbed to find out that de Leon sat on the bench with the same dead eyes that I sat on the couch with, holding a bottle of Capt’n Coma and Honeypaws and begging both of them equally to please make it ******* stop.

Jeff Kilmer hit a completely meaningless 2-run homer in the bottom of the fourth. That was about it for Raccoons offense. The worst offense in the league, meanwhile, added a run on hapless Brent Clark in the seventh, then two more on washed-up Garavito in the eighth. Only one of those was earned, thanks to Garavito’s own error on a feed by Matt Kilgallen. The game ended eventually, but not nearly quickly enough… 11-2 Crusaders. Maldonado 3-4, 2B; Caskey 2-4, 2B; Hooge (PH) 1-1, 3B; Campbell 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K; Pena 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 5 K;

In other news

May 7 – MIL OF Danny Valenzuela (.284, 0 HR, 10 RBI) will miss all week after injuring his elbow at the county fair. Details about how the injury occurred have not been released.
May 8 – NAS 3B/2B Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.346, 2 HR, 16 RBI) has the best day of all in the Blue Sox’ 15-3 rout of the Falcons. Allen lands four hits, including a double, and drives in five runs.
May 8 – LAP INF/CF Brian Bowman (.273, 1 HR, 11 RBI) will be out until September with a torn back muscle.
May 11 – The Aces’ SP Jesus Rodarte (4-3, 1.81 ERA) 3-hits the Thunder in an 8-0 shutout.
May 11 – LAP MR Chris Miller (2-2, 4.55 ERA) could also be lost for the season, requiring surgery for bone chips in his elbow.
May 13 – The Thunder are shut out for the second time on the weekend, this time by LVA SP Chris Crowell (2-4, 3.53 ERA), who 2-hits them in a 9-0 win.

FL Player of the Week: RIC RF Joe Ritchey (.317, 9 HR, 26 RBI), hitting .476 (10-21) with 4 HR, 5 RBI
CL Player of the Week: LVA SP Chris Crowell (2-4, 3.53 ERA), spinning two games for a 2-0 record, 0.56 ERA, and 8 K.

Complaints and stuff

Rafael Zacarias was released on Friday after going unclaimed while on waivers. $495k burned for 14 appearances and 17.1 innings of absolutely horse-**** pitching. IF … IF you kindly want to call it even that. What a turd!

Bryce Sparkes (3-3, 3.64 ERA) tossed a shutout for the Caps on Thursday, four-hitting the Bayhawks. This rotation would look infinitely better if we still had Bryce Sparkes.

But even with Bryce Sparkes, the team would still play like utter dog ****. There’s no hope. The fact that AAA is so barren that I am constantly hogging the waiver wire is just dotting the I’s. The T’s were already crossed when we thought we might make it through on THAT rotation, THAT pen, THAT defense, and THAT … well, the offense is new. The offense worked quite fine last year. The offense is the only actual surprise. Everything else could be seen coming from miles away.

Maud? – Have you put the sign out front? – “Pitchers available. 2 Prospects each”? – Good, you can go home then.

You can all go home then. The old man wants to be alone. (rolls up on the trusty brown couch with Honeypaws)

(after Maud closes the door, starts to suck on his thumb)

Fun Fact: Jonathan Dykstra, who took the L on Thursday, was a Raccoons supplemental-round pick in 2031.

He was taken #27 overall and was the #47 prospect when we traded him for Kurt Wall in 2034. Wall’s tenure with the Raccoons ultimately got no farther than the CLCS in ’35, while Dykstra got to make his major league debut for the Miners the same season, but only appeared in a total of 11 games in relief between 2034 and 2035, posting an ERA over six in those. Regardless, he was moved to the rotation full time early in ’36, figured out his control and suddenly was silently effective, even though he wasn’t flashy – Dykstra has never reached even 6 K/9 in his career. But a full-time starter for four years, he’s now a 67-43 pitcher with a 3.65 ERA.

The Raccoons could use somebody like that.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (18-20) vs. Indians (20-18) – May 14-17, 2040

Feeling lost, the Raccoons hosted the Indians for a 4-game set. The Indians were seventh in runs scored, tenth in runs allowed, and probably had no business being over .500 with their -24 run differential. But, well, not while they’re here. We’re gonna protect their fuzzy feeling… They also led the league in homers, as if I needed more reasons to feel nauseous. We hadn’t played them so far this year, but had lost 11 of 18 last year.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (3-0, 2.09 ERA) vs. Eric Peck (4-2, 3.02 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (5-0, 2.23 ERA) vs. Joe Robinson (2-4, 11.57 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-4, 4.98 ERA) vs. Manuel Herrera (3-3, 5.13 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-4, 4.08 ERA) vs. Alex Flores (1-4, 3.91 ERA)

Two left, two right, and no more than one win, I thought. We’d definitely lose against Robinson with his ERA of ******* ELEVEN. There were a number of Indians on the DL, too, foremost 1B Pat Dodson, last year’s ROTY, and outfielder David Gonzales.

Game 1
IND: C E. Thompson – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF A. Torres – 1B R. Morales – SS D. Serrato – CF Zimmerman – 2B Bainer – P Peck
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – C Kilmer – LF Hooge – SS Caskey – RF Ledford – P Bedrosian

Home runs were the order of the day early on, with the Indians building a 3-0 lead on Bedrosian through a solo homer by Roberto Morales in the second, and a 2-out 2-piece to right by Mario Ochoa in the third inning. The Raccoons initially laid low, but Jeff Kilmer hit a solo shot to left in the fifth inning to get them on the board. Ed Hooge and Brad Ledford followed with base hits to get into scoring position, and when Bedrosian ran a full count against Eric Peck, he eventually shoved a ball through between Dan Hutson and Dave Serrato for an RBI single. Peck then threw a wild 1-1 pitch to Berto, plating Ledford and tying the game at three. Bedrosian hung around for long enough, whiffing eight, to hit a double off Peck in the bottom 7th that actually saw him singled home by Cosmo Trevino with two outs, which gave the lead to the Raccoons. Bedrosian retired Jeremy Bainer on a grounder to begin the eighth inning, but when Josh Garbinski pinch-hit for Peck, the Coons went to a southpaw. Chuck Jones retired both Garbinski and Elliott Thompson. The Coons would leave Kilmer and Kilgallen (more on that in a second) on base in the bottom 8th, then handed a 1-run lead to Rico Sanchez, who retired Keith Damron and Dan Hutson in the ninth, then walked Alberto Torres, blew the lead on singles by Morales and Serrato, and finally gave up a 2-run double to Jason Zimmerman to get entirely blown out. The inning eventually ended and Alex Banderas appeared for the Indians. He nicked Tony Hunter in the #9 spot, while Ramos was out in shallow center. Cosmo and Maldo hit back-to-back singles, though, loading the bases with a trivial run, the tying run, and the winning run, and one out, for Stephon Nettles, who flew out to Torres in shallow left. Kilmer struck out. 6-4 Indians. Trevino 3-5, RBI; Kilmer 2-4, HR, RBI; Kilgallen 1-1;

Matt Kilgallen was in the game to replace Ed Hooge, who struck out in the sixth and was tossed after asking the ump where the other two blind mice were.

Jesus Maldonado had a 14-game hitting streak saved by Rico Sanchez’ blowup. He singled in the bottom 9th after having gone 0-for-4 so far.

Game 2
IND: C E. Thompson – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B R. Morales – SS D. Serrato – CF Zimmerman – LF Garbinski – 2B Bainer – P J. Robinson
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – 1B Maldonado – CF Nettles – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – P Dominy

While Kyle Dominy pitched his ******* guts out, allowed three hits, no runs, and whiffed eight through five innings on Tuesday, the ******* Raccoons faced off against apparently soon-to-be-redundant Joe Robinson (they’d replace him with a mop with table tennis balls for eyes and a rubber band for a pitching arm) and aside from Troy Greenway getting nicked didn’t get simply anybody on base. It was true – through five, the guy with an ERA of ******* ELEVEN allowed zero hits and zero walks. He also didn’t strike out anybody, but that was not the point. The point was that there was no hope. And that Maud hid the blunderbuss again.

Tony Hunter banished the spectre of getting no-hit by THAT and hit a leadoff double in the bottom 6th. He was then stranded. Bottom 7th, with Dominy on 11 K and wondering why exactly he had sold his soul to the devil, Maldonado led off the inning with a double to center. He also twisted his ankle and required replacement, with Hoogey running for him. He never got off second base as Nettles popped out, Kilmer walked, Greenway lined out, and Hunter grounded out. Dominy was on a dozen K and a 5-hitter through eight, but had to be lifted for a pinch-hitter in the bottom 8th against dastardly invincible Joe Robinson – he with the ERA of ******* ELEVEN. Jon Caskey walked in Dominy’s place, and then Berto doubled to right. Runners on second and third, no outs for Cosmo. The Indians tried to get the maximum amount of blood pressure out of my body by walking Trevino with intent, making it three on and nobody out, then stuck with Robinson, because if a stupid thing worked THIS long against the Raccoons, it had to keep working from here on out, too. Then Manny Fernandez grounded to third base for a forceout at home. Kilgallen flew out to left, but Berto just went for it – and scored narrowly ahead of Garbinski’s throw. Nettles struck out. So it was a 1-run lead again, and this time Jermaine Campbell after Rico Sanchez had been beaten up for 30 pitches the day before. The Indians’ 3-4-5 went down in order. 1-0 Raccoons. Kilgallen 0-0, RBI; Dominy 8.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 12 K, W (6-0);

Maldonado had a mildly tweaked ankle and would not require euthanasia quite yet. One day of rest would probably do him good, though.

I could also use three to fifty-seven weeks off, but nobody asked me…

Game 3
IND: C E. Thompson – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF A. Torres – 1B R. Morales – SS D. Serrato – CF Zimmerman – 2B Abonce – P M. Herrera
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Morales – 1B Kilgallen – SS Hunter – P Chavez

Greenway, Kilgallen, Hunter all dropped hits in the second inning for an *early* first Raccoons run on Wednesday. It was so early I hadn’t even had time to get properly pre-boozed before the real misery was expected to start. The real misery was also expected to include Bernie Chavez’ pitching (and keep remembering that he’s the only starter under contract for ’41, then weep), but he was actually fairly decent in the early innings. Through four innings, he allowed three hits, plus another runner on his own error, but no runs. …and then Willie Abonce (who?) hit a leadoff triple in the fifth inning and the game was tied on a passed ball blamed on Tony Morales…

For his efforts, which included seven innings of 1-run ball, Bernie Chavez would be left with a no-decision. The Raccoons never got their act together, and especially not after Ed Hooge hit for Chavez to begin the bottom 7th. Chuck Jones got two outs in the eighth inning before Francisco Pena replaced him. He walked Hutson, nailed Torres, and gave up the go-ahead run on Morales’ single. Dave Serrato flew out to end the dismal display… not that we didn’t get another one in the ninth when Mauricio Garavito was taken deep with two outs and one aboard by Edwin Alfonso. The runner on base had reached on an infield single in front of home plate, with Tony Morales continuing to smell like three days’ dead fish. Edwin Alfonso? Maud? – Maud!? – Who are these people and why do they keep beating us?? … 4-1 Indians. Greenway 2-4; Hunter 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 5 K and 1-2;

After this game, the Raccoons sent Brad Ledford, hitting .217, to St. Pete. Ledford, who had 10/5 rights, accepted the assignment. The call went to Oliver Anderson, hitting .273 with no power in St. Pete, but we’d try using an actual first baseman for a while.

Like that would solve all our problems…

Game 4
IND: C E. Thompson – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF A. Torres – 1B R. Morales – SS D. Serrato – CF Zimmerman – 2B Bainer – P A. Flores
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – SS Maldonado – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – C Morales – P Sabre

Elliott Thompson opened the game on Thursday with a double into the rightfield corner, and after advancing on a groundout saw Sabre throw a very wild pitch that allowed him to score without the Indians having to do much. Sabre then made a habit out of putting piles of runners aboard in the even innings before striking out Alex Flores on his way to the bench, which was so comforting. Portland even tied the game in the fourth on a Cosmo single and a Manny Fernandez double. Then they also stranded Manny on second base with one out. Maldonado grounded out, Greenway was walked with intent for sadistic reasons, and Oliver Anderson, our new and only hope(??), struck out.

Sabre lasted seven innings on 104 pitches, scattering nine hits and stranding runners in a fashion that surely mortified the Indians’ front office, too, while the Coons had *three* measly hits by the seventh-inning stretch. They didn’t add one in the seventh, either, leaving Sabre with a no-decision. Which was still better than a concussion. They say. (hits himself in the head with a baseball bat)

While I had a headache, the Raccoons had their leadoff batters on with walks in the seventh and eighth innings, which led nowhere. Clark, Campbell, and Jones somehow kept the Indians at bay throughout the rest of regulation, but that still wouldn’t end the game, since the Raccoons were not even trailing. It was still a 1-1 tie, and Alex Flores was still in the game. Manny Fernandez popped out right away. Maldonado did not, crushing a homer to center to end the misery. 2-1 Blighters. Sabre 7.0 IP, 9 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 5 K;

If ever a 4-game split felt like you just got swept over five, it was this one. Just ask Berto, who is 1-for-his-last-22.

Raccoons (20-22) vs. Falcons (21-19) – May 18-20, 2040

The Falcons had the highest batting average in the Continental League at .278 and the third-most runs scored. They lacked pitching, though, conceding the fourth-most runs, with a crummy rotation and a pen that was even worse. Last year Portland had won five of nine games.

Projected matchups:
Jose de Leon (0-1, 18.00 ERA) vs. Rafael Pedraza (5-2, 2.67 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (3-0, 2.29 ERA) vs. Danny Tankersley (1-4, 7.03 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (6-0, 1.92 ERA) vs. Ernie Quinero (2-5, 4.25 ERA)

A flash of pitching injuries left them with only righty starters and some replacement personnel like Tankersley. (cough) de Leon (cough!) … Jose de Lucio, Jose Lerma, and reliable relievers Chris Watson and Bryan Carmichael were all on the DL.

No we’re still not gonna score anything.

Game 1
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF Salto – CF J. Reyna – P Pedraza
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – 3B Maldonado – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – C Kilmer – P de Leon

Three walks, a wild pitch, and a Tony Aparicio double amounted to three first-inning runs for Charlotte, and I cackled madly while I tore up de Leon’s league-minimum contract. The little scumbag needed 100 pitches through five innings, walking six, and while the Falcons didn’t tack on any runs after the initial onslaught, I wasn’t in the mood for that kind of pitching. Then I’d rather go back to Ottie …!

Tack on the offense’s reluctance to move one whisker too many, and you had another entirely rancid, ****house game. That was not an exaggeration … or whatever the inverse of an exaggeration was. Maud? – Maud?? – Maud, I need a difficult word, and … and a new team.

Kilmer hit a solo shot in the bottom 7th, which was quickly given back by Garavito in the eighth. The Falcons were up 4-1, but then saw the tying run at home plate with nobody out in the bottom 8th. Tony Hunter had hit a double to left, and Tony Aparicio dropped Cosmo’s pop to short, but all the Raccoons got from that chance was one sad run … and a double play with Fernandez batting… The tying run would be back in the bottom 9th right away after Maldonado opened with a single against ex-Coon Josh Livingston. This time Troy Greenway hit into the inevitable double play. 4-2 Falcons. Maldonado 2-4; Anderson 2-4, 2B; Pena 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

(sits on the couch, frozen)

Jose de Leon (0-2, 11.00 ERA) was banished to St. Petersburg. The Coons would have Monday off and thus didn’t need a fifth starter until the following weekend. And then, ah, **** it, we’ll just use Garavito. For the time being, Travis Sims (…) was promoted from AAA.

Game 2
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF Salto – CF Coca – P E. Quintero
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – SS Maldonado – RF Hooge – C Morales – 1B Anderson – P Bedrosian

…and then we didn’t even get to face that makeshift starter …! Maud, everything sucks! – Sorry, Maud. – (pays five bucks into the swear bank)

In the actual game, the Raccoons took a 2-0 lead by the third inning. Bedrosian wasn’t great, but made the important pitches at least, like leaving the bases full in the second inning, while Nettles and Fernandez did all the work in the first and third inning for the runs. Both hit a double in the first, and they matched a walk and a triple in the third inning. Manny Fernandez was then stranded in scoring position twice, obviously.

The Raccoons also had Morales and Anderson aboard in the bottom 4th, but Bedrosian bunted into a double play, then went on to load the bags in the top 5th with Tony Coca, Oscar Aguirre, and Justin LeClerc. Tony Aparicio sent a deep drive to center with two outs, and Nettles *somehow* made the running grab, stranding another three. *Somehow* they made it work, and Bedrosian went seven and two thirds of 7-hit shutout ball – the defense was certainly with him in this effort… He was lifted after 109 pitches, still up 2-0, with nobody on and left-hander Jose Farfan batting. Brent Clark got a groundout to end the inning. Rico Sanchez even pitched a clean ninth to complete the game. 2-0 Blighters. Fernandez 3-3, BB, 3B, 2B, RBI; Anderson 2-3, BB; Bedrosian 7.2 IP, 7 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 7 K, W (4-0) and 1-2;

I can’t believe their one coughed-up W away from a winning week.

And that Berto is hitting 1-for-27 after I said only a broken leg could stop him. Greenway is also back in hell, hitting 2-for-20.

Game 3
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF C. Robinson – CF Coca – P N. Wright
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – 1B Anderson – P Dominy

Nick Wright (3-2, 4.66 ERA) was tasked with keeping the Coons from posting a winning week while scoring 2.16 runs per game. Given that Kyle Dominy was pitching, that was tough ask, but then again the Falcons got leadoff doubles from Mitch Cook in the second, which led nowhere, and Tony Coca in the third inning, which only led to a run because Trevino wound up flubbing a ball. And while Dominy reached base on a 2-base throwing error by Oscar Aguirre in the bottom 3rd, leading off the ******* inning, none between the 1-2-3 batter could even move him 90 feet, let alone one-eighty……..

While the Raccoons did absolutely nothing and had only one base hit in five innings, the Falcons would pounce on Dominy again in the sixth. Aguirre struck out to begin the inning… except that he reached when Kilmer fumbled the ball away. He advanced on LeClerc’s grounder, stayed put when Aparicio whiffed, then scored on Mitch Cook’s homer to left-center. That made it 3-0 Falcons, all runs ******* unearned. And the Raccoons? Wright walked a pair in the bottom 7th, then was disposed of. The Coons also had Tony Morales on with a pinch-hit single and Trevino drew another walk in the bottom 8th, but then they ran out of juice with the tying run aboard. Bottom 9th, Greenway reached on an error, then was doubled in with two outs by Oliver Anderson. Maldonado grounded out after that, end it was all over. 3-1 Falcons. Morales (PH) 1-1; Dominy 7.0 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 3 K, L (6-1);

In other news

May 14 – Shortly before his 40th birthday, CHA RF/CF Tony Coca (.239, 3 HR, 10 RBI) joins the 300 homer club in a 5-3 loss to the Thunder. Coca goes 2-for-4 with the homer and one RBI. The home run comes off OCT CL Wyatt Hamill (0-2, 3.77 ERA, 10 SV). Coca was a part of a strong outfield on the 2020s Canadiens before making stops in New York and Buffalo before taking bit parts in recent years. He was an All Star seven times, a home run champ in 2029, and a Gold Glove winner in ’26. For his career, he is batting .252 with 300 HR and 1,258 RBI.
May 14 – NAS 3B/2B Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.330, 4 HR, 18 RBI) will miss a month with a sprained thumb.
May 16 – NYC SP Dave Hils (1-5, 5.59 ERA) will miss at least three months with a partially torn labrum.
May 18 – Rebels 1B Manny Liberos (.229, 8 HR, 26 RBI) will miss a month with a broken foot.
May 18 – Capitals outfielder Scott Martin (.247, 3 HR, 17 RBI) has a torn rib cage muscle and will have to sit out two months at least.
May 19 – BOS SP Javy Santana (4-4, 2.80 ERA) 3-hits the Aces in a 4-0 shutout. He strikes out seven batters.
May 19 – Condors SP Omar Uribe (1-3, 2.81 ERA) will miss a full year, heading for Tommy John surgery after tearing a UCL.
May 20 – San Francisco 2B Dan Schneller (.267, 9 HR, 27 RBI) raps out six base hits in a 21-3 mauling of the Indians. Schneller hits a homer, two doubles, and three singles, and drives in seven runs himself. It’s the first 6-hit game for a Bayhawks since Jose Perez’ effort in an 8-7 loss to the Condors in 2008.
May 20 – Trailing by five entering the bottom 9th, the Titans don’t give up, but instead shred the Aces for nine runs and a 17-13 walkoff win on CF Mark Vermillion’s (.299, 2 HR, 11 RBI) walkoff grand slam.
May 20 – The Knights also lose a pitcher for the year, with shoulder inflammation felling SP Jon Pereira (4-2, 4.17 ERA).
May 20 – SFB 1B Salvador Ayala (.307, 3 HR, 23 RBI) will be out for a month with a broken finger.

FL Player of the Week: DEN SP Steve Carr (4-2, 3.18 ERA), going 2-0 with a 0.00 ERA in 12.2 IP and 10 K
CL Player of the Week: SFB 2B Dan Schneller (.267, 9 HR, 27 RBI), hitting .393 (11-28) with 2 HR, 9 RBI

Complaints and stuff

The best thing the Raccoons did this week was supporting volunteers at the local food bank on Thursday morning. Well… they intented to. Somehow all the food ended up in one Raccoon or other, and the poor people were left with three carrots and a potato with bite marks. I hear a kid got an autograph. Or maybe a bite mark, I can’t remember, it’s all a mess.

Tuesday’s game is the reason why baseball stinks and nobody likes it anymore. Or maybe it’s me. – Yes, Cristiano, that was it. – I stink and nobody likes me anymore. (throws another half a bottle of Capt’n Coma into his throat)

What else? Kyle Dominy threw 15 innings this week, without allowing an earned run! He went 1-1.

At least we’ll be on the road next week, hitting Tijuana and Oklahoma City and I won’t have to read the Agitator. Last week, when both Rick Rowell and Danny Zarate of the Miners were hurt in a ballgame in Portland, the Agitator spit its poison like only the Agitator can. “2 INJURED IN SNOOZEOUT AT BALLPARK” … Like it’s our fault!!

Fun Fact: It’s May, at 7 1/2 games out, yet feels like August, and 25 games out.

I am waiting for the leaves to fall.

But they won’t.

[Westheim]

2040 DRAFT POOL ANALYSIS

(lies rolled into a ball) The draft pool came out and I had a glance at it, because why not… Isn’t that right, Honeypaws? (still rolled into a ball)

First, I liked the pitching side of the draft pool much better than the batting side. There was quite a few pitchers in there that I would totally like to add to the farm (and by the way, we had the #13 in every round, which we had fortunately not signed away). And especially a closer prospect – there were quite a few available in that regard, too.

There were a total of 111 players on the shortlist, and of course also few on the hotlist of a dozen boys or so (*denotes HS players, of which there weren’t many on the hotlist this year):

SP Paul Paris (15/12/12) – BNN #3
SP Arthur Pickett (11/14/14) – BNN #8
SP Tom Spencer (10/12/10) *
SP Brian Jackson (11/13/11)
SP Adam Capone (10/13/14) – BNN #1

CL Rich Kappel (19/16/11)
CL Jonathan Osmond (17/13/11)
CL Dale Mrazek (16/14/12)
CL Steven Johnston (18/12/9)

SS Jon Parker (9/8/12)

OF Dan Mathes (11/9/9) – BNN #9
RF Matt Diskin (12/9/8) *
LF/RF Pat Stipp (12/10/11)
OF Jonathan Gross (11/8/10)
LF/RF Billy Slingluff (12/15/11) – BNN #2

Gross is probably the batter I’d like the most, because he was also a top-notch defender and could win a stack of Gold Gloves in center. On the other hand, while Billy Slingluff had a weird name and not much glove to go around, he had the best power potential our cheapskate scout guy would grant to anybody in the draft.

In addition to the five starting pitchers above there were probably also another five or so with good stuff … but only on two-and-a-half pitches. There were a few finesse guys in that group.

So getting a pitcher was probably not an issue with the #13 pick. Maybe Arthur Pickett, a 21-year-old right-hander from Sheffield, SY. You know, SY as in … South Yorkshire. He had been a youth spin bowler in cricket, but had been kicked out of three different clubs for foul language and spitting on the pitch, and had honed his baseball pitchcraft in a couple of years at Pepperdine. He was certainly *a character*. But he would probably be gone after the first dozen picks.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (21-24) @ Condors (17-27) – May 22-24, 2040

The Condors were in fifth place and looking at a roster with big holes just like the Critters… They were eighth in runs scored, but second from the bottom in runs allowed. They were not ranking in the top five in any major category, sitting sixth in home runs and that was about it for top half placements. Injuries made it all worse for them with pitchers Omar Uribe, Greg Kesinger, and Daniel Risk all on the DL along with outfielders Roy Pincus and Justin Simmons. Worse yet, those were all on the 60-day DL. So, neither team would get any better any soon. The Coons had won six of nine in the previous season; it was up in the air whether they’d even play six against Tijuana before I delivered all of them to the nearest orphanage.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-4, 4.50 ERA) vs. Zach Warner (1-3, 3.96 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-4, 3.71 ERA) vs. Mike Webb (0-0)
Ryan Bedrosian (4-0, 2.02 ERA) vs. Brad Quintero (1-3, 4.92 ERA)

All right-handers here; Webb was a 28-year-old triple-A filler who had not pitched in the Bigs since ’38 and hadn’t started there since ’37.

Game 1
POR: 3B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – 1B Anderson – RF Hooge – C Morales – SS Hunter – P Chavez
TIJ: CF Phinazee – 3B Obando – RF Willie Ojeda – SS Strohm – C Sawyer – 1B Sheaffer – LF St. Pierre – 2B Arnett – P Z. Warner

The Raccoons had Cosmo and Nettles on base without doing anything in the first inning, then got Hoogey and the Tony Troup aboard in the second inning with nobody out. Bernie Chavez singled home a run before Maldonado and Trevino perversely struck out. A Chris Strohm error on Nettles’ grounder gifted them another run before Fernandez grounded out. Such a team of winners! Bernie went on to scatter five hits in three innings without taking damage, which was marvelous enough, but then he hit a leadoff single through the right side in the top 4th. Maldo doubled, putting the pair in scoring position with no outs and I braced for the next stinker performance even before Cosmo walked in a full count, making it three on, no outs, our perpetual bane. Not this time though – both Stephon Nettles and Oliver Anderson drove in pairs with base hits, extending the lead to six-zip. Nettles tacked on a run with a 2-out single in the fifth – off longtime Critter David Fernandez! – to drive in Maldonado. Bernie remained a cruiser with the 7-0 lead, but also didn’t make it to the finish. Mike Sawyer would hit a full-count single off him with two outs in the bottom 8th, on Bernie’s 113th pitch, and after he had missed grossly with a couple. He was clearly done for the day, and the Raccoons went to Garavito, who promptly conceded a double to Travis Sheaffer, and Bernie’s run… Nevertheless, that was the only damage on the Coons’ side of the box score on Tuesday, with Travis Sims delivering a scoreless ninth. Tony Hunter had hit a sac fly in he top of the last inning to restore a 7-run gap. 8-1 Coons. Maldonado 2-5, 2B; Trevino 2-4, BB; Nettles 3-5, 3 RBI; Hooge 2-5, 2B; Morales 2-4, BB; Chavez 7.2 IP, 8 H; 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 8 K, W (2-4) and 2-4, RBI;

That was a lot of runs for one game, boys. I hope you didn’t throw it out all in one go, bathwater and the kid!

Game 2
POR: 1B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Sabre
TIJ: CF Phinazee – 3B Obando – RF Willie Ojeda – SS Strohm – C Sawyer – LF Riquenes – 1B J. Flores – 2B Arnett – P M. Webb

So who was seriously surprised when the Critters encountered a guy that hadn’t started an ABL game in three years and did pretty much zero the first time through? Well, they scored a run in the third inning, on a Nettles groundout, but that required Sabre to get the hitting underway with a leadoff single. Maldo chipped in a double.

Jeff Kilmer then hit a solo jack in the fourth inning, 2-0, and, with the score still 2-0 with Sabre being low-key efficient and the defense quite alert, and triple in the sixth, then with one out. He didn’t score the latter time, with Greenway, 2-for-2 in the game, intentionally walked (!) before Berto struck out and Hunter rolled over with a groundout. Alberto Ramos *did* hit a single in the eighth inning to liven up a skid that had run to 1-for-34, and reached along with Greenway (single) and Hunter (walk), all with one out. With Sabre over 90 pitches and this game still being a sneeze and a bam away from getting tied, the Raccoons sent Ed Hooge to pinch-hit. Hoogey singled up the middle for one run, and Maldo singled to right for another one, but then Cosmo struck out in a full count against David Fernandez and Nettles grounded out, leaving three stranded, but that was enough to put the game away. The Condors remained completely clueless and were shut out on six hits this time, with Brent Clark (an inning and a third) and Francisco Pena (the sorry remainder) keeping them to a low profile. 4-0 Critters. Kilmer 3-5, HR, 3B, 2B, RBI; Greenway 3-3, 2 BB; Sabre 7.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K, W (3-4) and 2-3;

Jeff Kilmer hit a double in the ninth, which officially got him to three parts of the cycle, missing the single for the full thing.

Game 3
POR: 1B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Bedrosian
TIJ: CF Phinazee – 3B Obando – RF Willie Ojeda – SS Strohm – 1B Vitalini – C Sawyer – LF St. Pierre – 2B Arnett – P B. Quintero

On Thursday, the Condors had Mal Phinazee in scoring position in the first, and Mike Sawyer in the second, and both times choked and allowed Bedrosian to wiggle out before Maldonado and Nettles reached the corners in the top of the third. Manny Fernandez hit a lame fly to Jon St. Pierre with two outs, but St. Pierre dropped it, bringing in the game’s first run on the error. Kilmer then hit that single he had missed the day before up the middle to score both runners from second and third. Greenway grounded out, leaving a 3-0 lead to Bedrosian, who immediately saw Phinazee and ancient Guillermo Obando reach base with singles. The latter was forced out at second base on a Willie Ojeda grounder. Strohm struck out, Giacomino Vitalini flew out to Nettles, and the Condors remained on their lone stupid run from the series opener through three.

After a pair of snoozey innings the Condors then loaded the bases with the tying run in the sixth … without getting a base hit. Bedrosian walked Strohm, nicked Vitalini, and walked St. Pierre with two outs. That brought up crummy .226 hitter James Arnett, a 31-year-old rookie (!), who ran a full count on a Ryan Bedrosian that had obviously lost track of it all, but then singed a liner into Berto’s glove to end the inning. Whatever works! That last inning really ran up Bedrosian’s pitch count all the way to a hundred, so he was hit for in the seventh, and Chuck Jones gave up a double to Phinazee in the bottom 7th. Phinazee stole third base, then scored on a grounder, 3-1.

Top 8th, Quintero still on it after only allowing four hits so far. Cosmo singled to lead off, then stole second, only his sixth base taken in a rotten season. Nettles flew out, but Manny walked, and then Kilmer hit a ball up the leftfield line for an RBI double, 4-1. Greenway then hit a pathetic grounder that scored nothing and nobody, and Tony Morales pinch-hit and struck out. Then came Alex Ramirez, retired ******* nobody, and left with Strohm already across, and the bases teeming with Vitalini, Sawyer, and Vinny Chavira. Brent Clark replaced him against PH Travis Sheaffer, got a K, then gave up a run to Jose Flores on a sac fly, 4-3. With right-hander Cyril Campisi hitting in the #1 hole now, Jermaine Campbell got the baseball, gave up an infield single, then balked in the tying run. (effortlessly breaks glass with booze in his right paw) Obando made a sad third out, and nobody got on base in the ninth inning, except for a Maldonado double, but how would that help the Coons? Those Coons abused Campbell for another two innings after his ****-up, but he refused to soak the loss. Ruining wins was all he was here for, apparently.

The Raccoons displayed zero offensive ambitions in extra innings, seeing Francisco Pena pitch three scoreless through the 13th without being, I don’t know, inspired in any recognizable way. Tony Hunter then (finally) walked against Ray Andrews in the 14th inning, with one out, and also stole second base. Oliver Anderson had been batting #9 for a while without producing anything, but Jon Caskey was the only bat left on the bench and would not help against the right-handed Andrews. Anderson’s sorry grounder moved Hunter to third base at least, from where Maldonado scored him with an infield single behind second base…! Maldo stole second, but Cosmo popped out, ending the inning. Rico Sanchez ended the Condors in three batters to complete the sweep. 5-4 Coons. Maldonado 3-7, 2 2B, RBI; Kilmer 3-5, BB, 2B, 3 RBI; Bedrosian 6.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 4 K; Pena 3.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 4 K, W (1-1);

Sweep!!

Raccoons (24-24) @ Thunder (26-20) – May 25-27, 2040

In third place and only half a game back in the South were the Thunder, who sat only sixth in runs scored, but were allowing the second-fewest runs in the league. So here came a challenge… While the Raccoons had already won two of three games from them in 2040, my confidence was shaken even after a sweep over terrible Tijuana trundlers.

Projected matchups:
Kyle Dominy (6-1, 1.71 ERA) vs. Brian Frain (7-2, 2.93 ERA)
Cory Lambert (0-0) vs. Casey Pinter (5-4, 3.84 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-4, 4.09 ERA) vs. Aaron Bryant (3-3, 2.39 ERA)

Right, left, left for Oklahoma, and a sure blowout with a 25-year-old debutee who the Raccoons had signed for $275k for “starting depth”, and who had an 8.38 ERA with the Alley Cats while *relieving”. Just another Jared Ottinger, but he was on the 40-man roster anyway… Pena, who had tossed three innings for the W in the previous game, was sent back to St. Pete, because baseball is harsh and loves nobody.

Game 1
POR: 1B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Dominy
OCT: CF C. Vega – 2B McWhirter – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Adames – 3B Martell – LF E. Moore – SS J. Agosto – P Frain

The Thunder would get the early start, scoring on Ethan Moore’s sac fly after Jesus Adames and Al Martell had landed hits in the bottom 2nd, and then again on a solo homer by Carlos Vega in the inning after that. Kyle Dominy’s pitching remained extremely pedestrian, with three hard fly balls that didn’t go out and were caught near the warning track by various outfielders before the fourth inning was over. The Raccoons did nothing through four, but got Hunter on base in the fifth. Dominy bunted him over, and Maldonado’s 2-out single shortened the gap to 2-1, but Cosmo then struck out.

The game dawdled along into the eighth, with Frain gone, but Dominy still on the scoreboard. Brian McAllister would walk Nettles with one out in the inning, then allowed a loud double to Manny Fernandez to put the tying *and* go-ahead runs in scoring position. Oh-oh, excitement! More crushing disappointment to come! Indeed, indeed. Tony Morales ran a full count and struck out, and Troy Greenway grounded out (hard, but eh…) to first base. Nobody scored. Dominy completed eight innings on 103 pitches that were adequate and meh at the same time, and also still not enough. The bottom of the order had to come up with something against lefty Wyatt Hamill in the ninth. Depressingly, Kilgallen hit for Berto because the leadoff man was better not leading off now. Kilgallen struck out though, so what the **** do I know? Hunter flew out to John Marz. Kilmer popped out to Danny Cruz. 2-1 Thunder. Maldonado 2-4, RBI; Greenway 2-4; Dominy 8.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 4 K, L (6-2) and 1-2;

Game 2
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – 3B Caskey – 1B Kilgallen – P Lambert
OCT: LF E. Moore – 2B McWhirter – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Adames – 3B Martell – CF Heskett – SS J. Agosto – P Pinter

There were few surprises here in the early innings; well, there actually were – there was no surprise in Lambert walking three batters the first time through, but the Thunder completely cocked it up in every regard, getting caught stealing with Bill McWhirter and hitting into a bazillion forces at second base. Also, Manny Fernandez jammed a 2-run homer right in the first inning, so that was good for the outwardly appearance on the scoreboard. Bottom 3rd, Lambert walked Ethan Moore, McWhirter singled, and they were on the corners. Marz flew out to Greenway in shallow right, keeping the runners decent, though, and then Cruz shuffled a grounder into a 4-6-3. It finally came all apart in the fourth with Adames’ leadoff double to right, a walk to Martell, and then Brian Heskett’s 3-piece that flipped the score. After another three screaming base hits to lead off the bottom 5th, Lambert was yanked and sent right back to the swamps. He ended up with five earned runs in four innings-plus, with Garavito allowing one run to score on a sac fly.

The Raccoons didn’t get another paw up until the eighth inning, when down 5-2 they opened the inning with a pair of singles by Cosmo and Manny. Kilmer shot a grounder at Martell that bounced weirdly and ended up missing the third baseman’s glove for a lucky RBI double, with the tying runs in scoring position with no outs. Nettles hit for Greenway (there wasn’t a righty bat on the bench) and grounded out, scoring Manny, but killing momentum, except for Tony Hunter to single up the middle. There was no running Kilmer against Heskett’s arm, though, so the Raccoons held up on the corners for, uh, Jon Caskey? He popped out miserably, and Kilgallen rolled over to short – and Agosto fumbled it! 2-out error, the tying run scored, and it was an all-new ballgame in Oklahoma! …and then Ed Hooge struck out. Chuck Jones held the game together in the bottom 8th, after which Berto batted for him in the #1 hole – there had been a dumb double switch when the game had been considered lost a few innings earlier…… Berto walked on four pitches against Gary Martin, though, and Cosmo hit a bloop single to left. Martin walked Manny, loading the bags … with no outs. Doom! Kilmer promptly struck out. I KNEW IT!! …but then Nettles shoved a ball past McWhirter for a single and two runs scored…! The inning quickly fizzled out after that, and McWhirter hit a leadoff double against Rico Sanchez in the bottom 9th. Danny Cruz would hit a single to score that run, but that would be as close as the Thunder got before they ran out of outs. 7-6 Furballs! Trevino 4-5; Fernandez 2-4, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Kilmer 2-5, 2B, RBI; Nettles (PH) 1-2, 3 RBI; Garavito 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Yes, that was a REALLY surprising comeback. Apparently being down by three is not a death sentence.

Cory Lambert and his 11.25 ERA were duly returned to AAA. Monday would be off, so we would not need a starter until a week from now. Out of ideas otherwise, the Raccoons added 2036 seventh-rounder, right-hander Ryan van Campenhout. Groundballer, throws 92, good curve. Lack of steady mechanics, so it could be a walkfest…

Game 3
POR: RF Maldonado – SS Hunter – CF Nettles – C Kilmer – LF Hooge – 2B Caskey – 3B Ramos – 1B Kilgallen – P Chavez
OCT: LF E. Moore – 2B McWhirter – 1B D. Cruz – C Adames – 3B Martell – CF Ringel – RF Heskett – SS Nieblas – P A. Bryant

Offense was slow early on in the rubber game until McWhirter hit a leadoff double in the bottom 4th and Jesus Adames poked a Bernie offering over the fence for a 2-0 Thunder lead. The Raccoons had seen Maldonado on twice, with Tony Hunter hitting into a double play in the first and a boilerplate terrible grounder in the third, the latter one ending the frame. Hunter was better with nobody on base, drawing a leadoff walk in the sixth, then reaching third base on Nettles’ single to rightfield. The tying runs were thus on for Jeff Kilmer, who flew to Adrian Ringel in deep center for a sac fly, 2-1. Nettles was left out there as roadkill, though… Berto hit a leadoff single in the seventh even, but then was doubled up by Kilgallen. The Critters went down in order in the eighth, then were up against Hamill in the ninth, bringing the 4-5-6 to the plate. Kilmer struck out, but Cosmo hit for Hooge and singled, then was quickly forced out by Caskey on a meh grounder. Berto grounded out to end the game. 2-1 Thunder. Maldonado 2-4, 2B; Trevino (PH) 1-1; Ramos 2-4;

In other news

May 21 – The Wolves win a rain-shortened game from the Miners, 6-2 after eight innings.
May 23 – Miners CF/LF Kevin Burch (.242, 1 HR, 8 RBI) will miss a month with a broken thumb.
May 25 – Career Wolf LF/RF Kyle Weinstein (.234, 3 HR, 15 RBI) is traded to the Capitals for INF Alex Castillo (.204, 1 HR, 7 RBI) and unranked closer prospect Brian Johnson.
May 25 – CIN LF/CF Jayden Lockwood (.320, 3 HR, 19 RBI) will miss a month with an oblique strain.
May 26 – Sacramento SP Jeremy Truett (6-2, 4.08 ERA) 3-hits the Capitals with five strikeouts in a 5-0 shutout.
May 26 – The Titans get 1B Alex Zacarias (.205, 5 HR, 20 RBI) from the Stars, parting with RF/LF Sean Calais (.265, 1 HR, 6 RBI) in the trade.
May 27 – BOS CF Mark Vermillion (.342, 3 HR, 20 RBI) has a homer and four singles and drives in two runs in the Titans’ 10-1 rush of the Knights.
May 27 – In sight of his 40th birthday in June, CHA RF/CF Tony Coca (.291, 5 HR, 17 RBI) hits two homers and drives in five runs on four hits total in an 11-2 win over the Indians.
May 27 – The Loggers win late, but *win*, scoring five in the 12th inning to beat the Condors, 10-5.
May 27 – Gold Sox SP Steve Carr (4-2, 4.29 ERA) is out for the season with radial nerve compression.

FL Player of the Week: RIC C Fernando Alba (.353, 10 HR, 29 RBI), batting .471 (8-17) with 3 HR, 7 RBI
CL Player of the Week: BOS CF Mark Vermillion (.342, 3 HR, 20 RBI), hitting .457 (14-30) with 1 HR, 9 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Sabre’s win on Wednesday was the 5,300th for the team. It was Sabre’s second hundo win after previously having taken #4,800 in July of 2034. That was the middle game of a sweep over the Condors – the FIRST sweep the Coons handed to another team this season. No wonder they’re stuck in the middle of nowhere…

And no, Jermaine Campbell still does not entice any trade offers. I wonder why. We’d even eat half of what’s left of his salary. Just get the bum outta here!

The Agitator openly demands for Nelson Moreno to come up now to “save the season”. That might be a bit much on the shoulders of a 21-year-old right-hander weighing all of 175 pounds (rounded up, I’d say, after the eyeball test). Good ol’ Nels is 5-3 with a 3.00 ERA in AAA. He walks 4.2 per nine and whiffs 7.8/9. Could be worse – but will it be enough for the Bigs? He really only has 2 1/2 pitches right now, so he would probably get ravaged in the majors.

Berto had *a few* hits this week, but is still batting 6-for-56. When I remarked that he was leading the batting title race in the CL, I didn’t think I could jinx him *this* hard. Troy Greenway remains a complete mystery, too, with a .204 BABIP. He is not striking out more than in previous years – in fact he’s striking out LESS than his career average. But he also doesn’t even get the damn baseball out of the ballpark anymore…! It’s gonna be a long three-and-a-half years at $3.32M p/a if he continues like this. He might reasonably go from 42 homers in one season to FOUR two years later, without breaking his skull in between.

Fun Fact: Ryan van Campenhout is fluent in English, Spanish, and of course Dutch.

I’m told Campenhout means someone who squats in the woods, and us folk up here in Portland are of course… – What is it, Maud? – It’s not somehow who squats in the woods? – “Campen-woud”? Doesn’t sound right to me, Maud! – Steve from Accounting says he hits the wood, so it means cutting the wood. – No, Maud, I don’t know where Steve from Accounting learned his Dutch. – Maud, can’t you come into this room so I don’t have to holler back and forth between you two??

Also, if he cuts wood, he’s getting traded to the ******* Loggers!*

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Sad attempt at a second-rate pun in a language I only speak via Google Translator. Please find the Unsubscribe button somewhere on this page

[Westheim]

Raccoons (25-26) vs. Bayhawks (18-33) – May 29-31, 2040

The Raccoons returned home to another off day on Monday, then found another terrible CL South team at the door. Not that the Raccoons were not terrible enough by themselves. They were sixth in runs scored and second from the bottom in rus allowed (but no worries, we have a solution for that, just play here for a while…). Their run differential was -38 (Coons: +8, somehow). We had earlier taken two out of three from them.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (3-4, 3.28 ERA) vs. Jose Moreno (3-6, 3.80 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (4-0, 1.86 ERA) vs. Rick Haugh (2-3, 3.49 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (6-2, 1.77 ERA) vs. Ryan Kinner (1-7, 6.45 ERA)

Three games, three right-handers. Knowing the baseball gods, Thursday would be a 1-0 loss.

Game 1
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – RF Oshiita – SS Greer – 3B Barcia – LF O. Calderon – C Sailas – 1B Levinson – P J. Moreno
POR: 1B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Sabre

In the third inning on May 29, the Raccoons got their first guy with double-digit stolen bases on the year, and it was Stephon Nettles, which was a slight hint and how much had gone wrong already with this roster. He would eventually score on a grounder by Tony Morales, marking the third straight inning that the Raccoons scored one run off Moreno. Manny Fernandez had doubled home Trevino in the first. Troy Greenway had walked and had been singled in by Tony Hunter in the second. Sabre was pitching in very controlled fashion, allowing only two base hits the first five innings before Moreno opened the sixth with a double to right. Mike Hall grounded out to short, keeping the pitcher pinned, but Dan Schneller singled. With runners now on the corners, Dick Oshiita hit into a 4-6-3 double play, keeping Sabre’s ledger clean through six. Sergio Barcia hit a single in the seventh, after which Oscar Calderon sent a drive to deep, deep center. Nettles made the catch, but also ran dab-smack into the fence and shattered in 20 pieces. He was replaced by Ed Hooge; while Sabre made it out of the inning, Hoogey homered to right in the bottom 7th, making it a 4-0 game. Sabre allowed two more singles in the eighth, but still no runs, then nicked Marshall Greer to lead off the ninth… and Barcia singled… and maybe he can still …! No. Tristan Levinson hit a 2-out RBI single to bring up the tying run and end Sabre’s bid. Josh Dahlman was rung up by Rico Sanchez to put the game away. 4-1 Coons. Maldonado 2-4, BB; Hooge 1-1, HR, RBI; Fernandez 2-4, 2B, RBI; Greenway 2-2, 2 BB, 2B; Sabre 8.2 IP, 8 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (4-4);

Game 2
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – RF Oshiita – SS Greer – 3B Barcia – LF O. Calderon – C Umanzor – 1B Levinson – P Haugh
POR: SS Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 3B Ramos – P Bedrosian

Maldonado opened the Coons’ half of the first with a double and scored on two productive outs, after which the Portland team stopped hitting altogether. Bedrosian held out fine for a while, but Barcia and Calderon reached base to begin the fifth inning and the Baybirds got two productive outs there, too. Barcia scored on a Levinson grounder, while Calderon was left on third base. The Critters didn’t get another base hit until the sixth, when Cosmo singled and was immediately left on base.

No, the continually unloved Ryan Bedrosian would not get a win, again. He made it into the eighth before Mike Hall and Dan Schneller hit back-to-back 2-out singles and went to the corners. Chuck Jones replaced Bedrosian after 103 pitches against the left-handed Dick Oshiita, but faced PH Jason Barnes instead, who right-handedly clipped a single into shallow center and broke the tie by plating Hall. The Raccoons went down in order against Haugh (again…) in the bottom 8th, then faced right-hander Tim Thweatt in the ninth. Well, Thweatt would see an endless barrage of lefty hitters, starting with Manny Fernandez, who singled; it was the Coons’ *third* base hit on the day. Tony Morales hit into a fielder’s choice. Hoogey lined out to Greer. That brought up Greenway, and even a year ago that would have been a reason to be confident that the game would end here, but with the Raccoons boogie-woogieing off as winners. This was 2040, Troy Greenway was batting .186, and there was no point in any of biff…(mumbles as he crams the flared end of the blunderbuss into his snout, just as Greenway socks a walkoff homer) … 3-2 Blighters. Greenway 1-2, 2 BB, HR, 2 RBI; Bedrosian 7.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K;

Now, the “accidental” discharge of the blunderbuss as I got excited on the walkoff jack (on pace for nine homers this year!!) missed me, but it hit the chandelier’s suspension just as Dr. Padilla came into the office to report on Stephon Nettles and he hit his head evading the crashing light fixture, giving him a mild case of amnesia.

Now nobody knew what was wrong with Nettles, or whether he was still alive and where Dr. Padilla had put his body.

By Thursday, Tony Morales came down ill right before game time and it was too late to get a replacement catcher up. Jeff Kilmer would have gotten the start anyway, but the Raccoons had only potentially vomiting backup available for the third game in the set.

Game 3
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – RF Oshiita – SS Greer – 3B Barcia – LF O. Calderon – C Umanzor – 1B Levinson – P Kinner
POR: 1B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Dominy

There was but one base hit in the game in FIVE innings, and it was not the Coons’. Greer hit a double in the top 2nd, while the Baybirds loaded the bases before Kinner made the third out. Kinner was the guy with the 6+ ERA, against Dominy, who had the ERA under 2. It was the game I would have betted on that the Coons wouldn’t score at all. Nothing was surprising me anymore. Baseball had lost its shocker factor to me. I had seen it all.

While Maldo broke up the no-hitter with a single in the bottom 6th, he didn’t get off first base. Dominy pitched seven shutout innings on 103 pitches – he had been looking for control early on, running a bunch of full counts. The 4-5-6 were retired in order by Kinner in the bottom 7th to saddle him, too, with a no-decision. The Coons went to Jermaine Campbell, which of course led to an immediate collapse. Levinson hit a leadoff single to center, Hooge overran the ball for an error, Kinner bunted him to third base, and he scored on Hall’s sac fly. Berto drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 8th, but nothing else happened with Hunter and Anderson before Maldonado also walked. Cosmo singled, but Oshiita was on the ball right away and Berto had to retreat to third base. Manny Fernandez with the bases loaded against a pitcher ravaged by every team, even the ones not even trying? Flew out to right, stranded all the runners. Brent Clark retired three in a row before the Raccoons were back in the box against … Kinner. Yeah well, why go to a reliever? They only blow leads. Kilmer singled to left and Hooge walked with nobody out before the Baybirds chickened out and brought back Thweatt, who had lost the game the day before… *and* with Greenway at the plate, too! Greenway hit another substantial fly, but this one wouldn’t win the game, darting towards a jogging Mike Hall in center. Hall then dropped the ball for an error, sending the brown-clad runners scurrying. Kilmer scored, and the winning run in Ed Hooge reached third base for Berto, which was a tough sell in the box (6-for-62 and counting), but we firmly believed in the intentional walk coming here. It didn’t, throwing my confidence off-kilter, right until Berto hit a sac fly to fairly-remote right, allowing Kilmer to tag up and dash home. 2-1 Blighters. Dominy 7.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 4 K;

This was also one of only three games going on in the league on that day (and the only one from the west coast), so everybody needing a baseball boost badly and tuned in to *whatever* got treated to the worst sort of anti-baseball. I hear the Phoney War wasn’t half the farce than the Raccoons’ first eight innings against Ryan ******* Kinner.

Raccoons (28-26) vs. Titans (28-23) – June 1-3, 2040

Did the Titans know what they were doing in chasing the damn Elks? They were fourth in runs scored, fifth in runs allowed, which was far from impressive, and also 2-4 against Portland this year, which was far worse. They were fifth in batting average, fourth in OBP, but ninth in homers and stolen bases, so nobody really knew how they ended up fourth in markers on the board, either…

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (2-5, 3.97 ERA) vs. Leonhart Becker (5-1, 4.09 ERA)
Angelo Montano (0-0) vs. Peter Gill (3-2, 4.46 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-4, 3.00 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (1-6, 4.74 ERA)

SAUERKRAUT. So we meet again! … also another southpaw in ancient “Graveyard” Gill and a righty in Willett.

The Critters continued to cycle through whatever they could find at the bottom of the barrel in AAA. Montano, 23, was not all that bad, though – he had cost $235k in the 2034 July IFA period and had slowly and steadily worked his way up the ladder. Right now he was suffering from insufficient control and a bad BABIP, giving him a 4.48 ERA with the Alley Cats. Six innings, four runs against Boston would already get a passing grade. Ryan van Campenhout was returned to AAA without having thrown a pitch in a game for the Raccoons.

Game 1
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B A. Zacarias – C Dear – SS Bunyon – 2B Toney – P Becker
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 1B Kilgallen – 3B Caskey – P Chavez

Pitchers’ duel! Neither side managed more than one hit through five innings. Neither side scored, not even the damn Critters when the Titans made two errors in the first two innings. Bernie, who whiffed four through the first five innings, even opened the bottom 6th with a single to center, but the Raccoons first saw Maldo force him out, and then kept Maldonado on first base, too. Willie Vega singled and Alex Zacarias drew a walk from Bernie in the seventh, but the Titans’ inning was killed by Matt Dear’s casual 6-4-3 grounder. The Coons got Greenway and Kilgallen on base with two outs in the same inning, but then stood and died with Caskey’s grounder to Antonio Gil. Bernie completed eight on 112 pitches, then was hit for to begin the bottom of the inning. Berto hit for him and flew out to left. Portland only reached with two outs when Cosmo and Manny both drew walks from Becker, who was also over 100 pitches now. He remained in against Kilmer, never threw a strike, and now there were three aboard for the .219 hitter Tony Hunter. And the .219 hitter Tony Hunter flew out to Mark Vermillion in a full count.

The ninth was largely uneventful and sent the game into extra innings, scorelessly. Rico Sanchez handled the Titans well enough in the 10th, then put two on for two outs in the 11th. The Titans sent the left-handed Chris Murphy to pinch-hit in Gil’s spot, but Chuck Jones was brought in for him and got a K to end the inning. Bottom 11th, Hunter and Greenway made outs against Mike Hugh. Kilgallen drew a 2-out walk, then stole second, then rushed around when Jon Caskey poked a single up the middle. The throw from Vermillion was way late, and the Raccoons were delivered by the absolute runts of the litter. 1-0 Blighters!! Kilgallen 2-3, 2 BB, 2B; Chavez 8.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K and 1-1;

Chuck Jones went to 5-1 for facing a single batter. Bernie Chavez remains having two wins and is very sad. Only Kyle Dominy has more wins on this team than Jones…

By Saturday we also found Stephon Nettles again. He was hooked up to an IV with big-boy painkillers in the backroom of the trainer’s office, and by now pretty happy with his surroundings. There was just the slight problem of his throwing arm being in cast from the wrist to the shoulder for a crumbled elbow – and he was out for the season.

With Nettles to the DL, the Raccoons would move Maldonado back to centerfield full time, while promoting 1B Damian Salazar from AAA. The 24-year-old had signed for all of $22k in the 2032 July IFA period. This was his fourth season in St. Pete and he had never hit much there, but now was batting .312/.419/.511 with six homers in 39 games. Salazar batted right-handed, which made for a first base platoon with Oliver Anderson.

I hate first base platoons.

Game 2
BOS: RF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B A. Zacarias – CF Vermillion – C Dear – 3B Gil – 2B Toney – SS Bunyon – P Willett
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Hooge – 1B Salazar – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Montano

With the right-hander moved up to Saturday for Boston, Maldonado hit a leadoff jack in the bottom 1st, which only undid half the damage the debutee Montano had already taken in the top 1st. Avila singled, Vega went yard, and then Zacarias walked, all in full counts. Splendid. After Montano threw a zero onto the board in the second inning, he nailed Avila with one out in the third. Vega grounded out, ending the runner to second base, with first soon occupied by Zacarias on a full-count walk (again). Vermillion hit an RBI single after which Matt Dear sent what should be the third out to Ramos, who ****** up the play in the worst way, loading the bases. Two pitches later, Antonio Gil sunk a bases-clearing triple at the base of the centerfield fence. Mike Toney’s RBI single made it 7-1, five runs in the inning, all but one unearned. THANKS, BERTO.

Montano shuffled the bags full again in the fourth inning before being yanked from a game that was lost anyway. Because this didn’t matter anymore, Jermaine Campbell struck out Dear to end the inning without allowing sixteen runners to score. The Raccoons laid down their arms and went spectating, while the Titans continued to have chances, like in the seventh when Travis Sims saw the bases around him full with blueshirts, thanks to a Hunter error and two walks, but even then the Titans choked and the Coons didn’t take additional damage. Kilmer hit a solo jack off Willett in the bottom of the seventh inning, which didn’t really matter. Travis Sims answered with a 4-spot given to the Titans in the top 8th. Willie Vega hit a solo shot, Mike Toney hit one that counted for two. The Raccoons got an RBI double from Ed Hooge in the bottom 9th, but by then most fans had gone home. 11-3 Titans.

Salazar went 0-for-3 with a walk in his big league debut, which is not half as **** as Montano’s (3.2 IP, 7 R, 3 ER) …

Game 3
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B A. Zacarias – SS Bunyon – C Kuehn – 2B Toney – P Gill
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – 1B Salazar – RF Kilgallen – 3B Caskey – P Sabre

Sabre struck out four the first time through, but in the third inning also loaded the bases with a single, a walk, and a … catcher’s interference call with Vermillion batting with two on and two gone. Willie Vega grounded out to short, stranding everybody and keeping the game scoreless. By the fourth, Sabre came apart. Zacarias walked, Donovan Bunyon singled, and Paul Kuehn ripped a 2-run double in a full count. A wild pitch and Toney’s sac fly made it 3-0. Gil and Vermillion reached to begin the fifth inning. Zacarias hit an RBI single, 4-0, but with the runners in scoring position and two outs, Kuehn grounded to Cosmo, who tossed to first base, where the ******* rookie on duty had the ball clank off his glove for an error scoring another two runs... Lethargy was the only reason I didn’t go down to the field and strangled Salazar right then and there.

Brent Clark got out of the mess eventually, and the game was hopelessly lost anyway. Chuck Jones gave up a run in the seventh, not that we cared. The Raccoons in their glorious misery didn’t register a second base hit until Manny Fernandez singled in the bottom 7th. AND ALL THAT… against “Graveyard” Gill, who had stopped being a good starter about five years ago. Somehow the Coons scratched out a run in the bottom 8th against right-hander Alex Aguilar. Troy Greenway hit a pinch-hit sac fly. Yay. The rally! Tony Morales and Tony Hunter set up on the corners in the bottom 9th, still against Aguilar, with nobody out. Damian Salazar sponged a ball into a run-scoring double play. The progress! … 7-2 Titans. Morales (PH) 1-1, 2B;

In other news

May 29 – The Titans beat the Bayhawks, 1-0, on a home run by OF Chris Murphy (.216, 1 HR, 3 RBI), but lose their backup catcher, Jorge Resendez (.230, 0 HR, 11 RBI), who is out for the year with a broken elbow.
May 31 – A broken wrist puts OCT 1B Danny Cruz (.224, 4 HR, 21 RBI) out of action for the next six weeks.
June 1 – OCT 2B/SS Jose Agosto (.308, 2 HR, 9 RBI) is out for the season with a serious concussion.
June 1 – TOP OF J.P. Angeletti (.276, 1 HR, 18 RBI) has suffered a sprained wrist and will miss a month.
June 2 – Warriors reliever Aaron Duval (4-1, 0.72 ERA) is charged with the 11-inning, 3-2 loss to the Pacifics after balking with Kyle Lusk as the winning run on third base.
June 3 – Buffaloes utility player Bob Mancini (.286, 7 HR, 28 RBI) leads off the game against the Miners with a single. It’s also the last Buffaloes hit as they get mauled, 10-0, in a combined 1-hitter by SP Matt Peterson (6-2, 3.02 ERA) and MR Logan Bessey (2-1, 5.40 ERA).
June 3 – The Gold Sox walk off on the Stars in 13 innings, 2-1. Neither team scores through 11 innings, then both get a run in the 12th. Only the Sox get hits in the bottom 13th, with 1B/C Jeff Wilson (.292, 1 HR, 8 RBI) and 1B Mark Cahill (.304, 6 HR, 34 RBI) hitting a pair of singles.

FL Player of the Week: PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.342, 12 HR, 48 RBI), batting .423 (11-26) with 3 HR, 12 RBI
CL Player of the Week: CHA 1B Justin LeClerc (.346, 0 HR, 21 RBI), batting .571 (16-28) with 3 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.348, 12 HR, 45 RBI), hitting .390 with 6 HR, 23 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: VAN C Timóteo Clemente (.316, 6 HR, 25 RBI), batting .383 with 6 HR, 21 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: SAL SP Juan Garcia (5-3, 4.31 ERA), throwing for a 5-0 record, 1.25 ERA, 43 K
CL Pitcher of the Month: OCT SP Brian Frain (9-2, 2.52 ERA), pitching to a 5-0 record, 1.83 ERA, 29 K
FL Rookie of the Month: DAL OF Tylor Cecil (.324, 2 HR, 15 RBI), batting .341 with 2 HR, 14 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: VAN OF Aaron Foss (.318, 2 HR, 14 RBI), hitting .318 with 2 HR, 14 RBI

Complaints and stuff

I won’t say a word about who’s near the top of any sort of race. Last time I did that it sent the poor sod into a death spiral that is still tightening. (whispers) Berto’s 6-for-70 now …!

Why Montano on Saturday and not Moreno? Because Nelson Moreno wasn’t in sync with the open slot in the rotation, Montano was lined up perfectly, and Montano was already on the 40-man roster – Moreno isn’t (but would have to be before November). So Montano was readily available, and like my old Spanish teacher always said, “Pourquoi mourir pour Dantzig?”

Which brings me to Sauerkraut, the old Boche, on Friday. According to this German cookbook there’s 69 different regional variants of sauerkraut in Germany, and I’ll find the one that will give us a batter that can beat him! (browses through the pages) This language… “Zerhacken Sie den Kohlkopf mit einem großen, geschärften Beil!“* – aren’t those words caressing the tongue like honey?

(points with his cleaver at Hunter, Hoogey, and Berto digging into a bowl of fudge in the corner) If you ***** don’t start hitting soon, I’ll show you what they mean with ZERHACKEN!

(players scurry, but Hoogey carries the fudge bowl with him)

The latest scouting update gave us some more harsh truths about the personnel at hand, like Mauricio Garavito being overdue for retirement, Jermaine Campbell being worth cents on the dollar, but also that Berto once again had his position rating slashed to zilch. Why that, scout man?? (angrily pokes down on paper report) – I don’t see him being that unable to move. – And you should see him make a dash for the buffet before and after the game! – I don’t believe that! – Well, what *kind* of chair should he use in the field? Swivel chair? – Rocking chair? – Uh. Wheelchair? – Cristiano, give Berto your wheelchair, we need him to have it more than you!!

Next week: Elks (despaired laughter), Pacifics.

Fun Fact: 41 years ago today, Charlotte’s Hubert Green hit for the cycle in Raccoons Ballpark.

A career Falcon, Hubsie Green led the CL in runs scored that year, his age 27 season. He also twice led the league in doubles, twice made the All Star Game, and partook in their 2005 championship. He hit .256/.360/.401 for his career with 156 homers and 995 RBI. He stole 190 bases, too.

The less said about the actual game, the better. The Raccoons were already well under .500 at that point and sent Esteban Flores against the Falcons. He got bombed for five runs in fewer innings than that, not helping his 6.63 ERA. Flores only made six more starts for the Raccoons before being set aside. The Rebels eventually took him in the rule 5 draft and he had a sizable career despite horrible numbers in the Federal League. He managed to lose 14+ games four years in a row, and regularly had an ERA over five. For his career he as 73-123 with a 5.30 ERA.

Not that the Raccoons NOT named Esteban Flores in the lineup were much better. Neil Reece reminded you of better times, but was surrounded by the likes of Stephen Buell, Steve Caddock (who?), and Clyde “Avatar of Losing” Brady.

+++

*Literally: chop up the cabbage with a large, sharp cleaver”

[Bub13]

Originally Posted by Westheim

... the “accidental” discharge ...

You know, there are meds for that sort of thing now.

And right when it looked like there might be a corner about to be turned, those last two Titans games happened. Sheesh.

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Bub13

You know, there are meds for that sort of thing now.

And right when it looked like there might be a corner about to be turned, those last two Titans games happened. Sheesh.

You know I'm old style!

Also, the only corner to be turned by this team is the edge of the cliff, you know, the point from where it then goes straight *down*.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (29-28) vs. Canadiens (36-20) – June 4-7, 2040

First in offense, first in pitching – the damn Elks had a +120 run differential in early June and there was no hope whatsoever. The Raccoons had already been swept in a 4-game set this year and would probably be swept in another 4-game set now. I wished I could do anything else rather than watch the Raccoons get slapped, but I hadn’t learned a proper trade and watching baseball was the only thing I knew. This should be a lesson to kids everywhere. Pay attention in school, or you’re stuck watching your baseball team get slaughtered by their bitter archrivals and you can’t do the slightest thing.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (4-0, 1.90 ERA) vs. David Arias (5-4, 3.39 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (6-2, 1.61 ERA) vs. Jordan Calderon (4-3, 3.43 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-5, 3.55 ERA) vs. Matt Sealock (6-2, 2.55 ERA)
Angelo Montano (0-1, 7.36 ERA) vs. Mike Mihalik (8-2, 2.98 ERA)

Calderon was the only southpaw to utterly dominate the Raccoons here. The Elks were without Ramon Cabral, their shortstop, laboring on a tender shoulder. Other than that, they’d show up in force.

Game 1
VAN: SS Sibley – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – 1B J. Lopez – LF DeVita – 3B R. Ashley – P D. Arias
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Bedrosian

Then there was a 6-run beating right in the first inning, but to anybody’s surprise it was Arias getting raked and not Bedrosian – not that Bedrosian was bad, but who thought the Raccoons could score six runs? In an inning! Maldonado singled, Cosmo tripled, Manny singled, and Morales homered to right – four batters, four runs. Oliver Anderson’s double, an error by Marc DeVita, Tony Hunter’s RBI single, and finally a run-scoring wild pitch made it half a dozen. Of course things had to go wrong right away after that, with Cosmo hitting a double in the bottom 2nd, then banged his knee sliding into second base and had to leave the game. Jon Caskey replaced him. Fernandez singled Caskey in, and Arias was done at that point. Two productive outs got Manny, who reached second base on Ryan Phillips’ futile throw to home plate, around to score as well, giving Portland an 8-0 lead.

Bedrosian was strong through four innings, then got whacked around a bit for four hits and three runs in the fifth inning. Phillips and Ross Sibley hit doubles in the inning, the latter driving in two runs with two outs. The Critters made up one run in the bottom of the inning, Greenway driven in by Hunter, but Glenn Sprague hit a leadoff single in the sixth and the damn Elks sandpapered Bedrosian down in that inning in a string of long at-bats, and Marc DeVita’s RBI single ended the game for Bedrosian after six. At least it might still be enough for a win! Maldo and Manny hit singles in the bottom 6th and Morales hit a run-scoring grounder in that inning, running the score to 10-4.

Then the Coons’ pen got involved… Garavito was in first, retired nobody, and was yanked after an Aaron Foss homer, Sibley reaching on a Caskey error, then a walk to Timóteo Clemente, and an RBI double by Jerry Outram. Exit Garavito, enter Campbell, enter a fastball to Glenn Sprague, and exit that fastball, stage, left. 10-9. Four runs off the pen, for no outs. Campbell and Alex Ramirez somehow made it through the eighth on a grounder and two deep flies, none of which dropped in for a double… or into the Willamette to get wet. Rico Sanchez got the ninth. Clemente singled. Outram doubled. Sprague homered to left. That made it 12-10 for the damn Elks, and the taste of blood in the mouth for me. There would be a bottom of the ninth against former Coon Josh Boles – Anderson grounded out. Kilgallen singled, Hunter singled. Jeff Kilmer hit for the closer, who didn’t close, but truck out, and Maldonado popped out. 12-10 Canadiens. Maldonado 2-6; Trevino 2-2, 3B, 2B, RBI; Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; Anderson 3-5, BB, 2 2B; Kilgallen 1-1; Hunter 2-5, RBI;

(stands in the tunnel to the clubhouse, yelling obscenities at his own players)

Also, Cosmo had a bruised knee and would be hobbled for the rest of the week.

Game 2
VAN: LF Foss – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – SS Sibley – 1B DeVita – 3B R. Ashley – P J. Calderon
POR: CF Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Salazar – 2B Kilgallen – 3B Caskey – P Dominy

The dimwit Coons took another early lead on Tuesday, like that was gonna fool anybody. (bangs fists on desk) WE’RE NOT GETTING FOOLED BY YOU ANYMORE!! – (Steve from Accounting and Cristiano Carmona exchange looks, while Slappy merrily keeps drinking) … It was Matt Kilgallen hitting a homer to left after Damian Salazar got nailed, which was pretty much the only way for him to reach base, ever. …or so I thought. Next time around, Salazar landed his maiden ABL hit, a 2-out RBI single to cash Tony Hunter and run the score to 3-0, but I refused to show happiness or any emotion but flickers of disgust at all. They were just going to blow it late again!

…or in the middle. Kyle Dominy asked for medical advice in the fourth, and left the game with Dr. Padilla, causing me to faint. By the time I came back to my senses, Aaron Foss singled up the middle against Chuck Jones, plating Sibley and Ray Ashley with two outs, and flipping the score to 4-3 Elks in the sixth. All runs were shown as belonging to Travis Sims, which was just as well, because I’d definitely shove some fireworks up his *** after this game, orient him towards St. Petersburg, and light the damn ****. For the rest of the game, the Raccoons never reached scoring position again. Fantastically though, Jones, Campbell, and Garavito pitched another three scoreless innings to make sure to lose by no more than one run. 4-3 Canadiens. Hunter 3-4; Fernandez 2-4;

(sits, frozen and stone-faced and doesn’t blink)

Travis Sims (9.95 ERA) was waived and DFA’ed after this disaster. I also called for damnatio memoriae and that his name must never be brought up again. Francisco Pena took the roster spot.

No news on Kyle Dominy (6-2, 1.65 ERA), and I can’t tell whether Dr. Padilla is just waiting for the right moment to slip it to me that he’s not coming back. Nevertheless, a pitching moratorium was called on Nelson Moreno in AAA. If Dominy went on the DL, Moreno was coming up.

Things got even more complicated when Wednesday’s game was rained out and rescheduled for a Thursday double header.

Game 3
VAN: LF Foss – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – 1B J. Lopez – SS M. Roberts – 3B R. Ashley – P Sealock
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Chavez

Sealock faced the minimum the first time through, although Alberto Ramos singled (yay!) but was then caught stealing (…). Berto also allowed only one single the first time through (to Sealock…), and one more to Outram in the fourth, but Jerry Outram was at that point in his career where I’d take the single every time if only that meant he wasn’t gonna ram one out. Speaking of ramming one out, Outram rammed one out against Bernie in the sixth, breaking a scoreless tie with the solo shot, and Johnny Lopez hit a homer in the same inning, but not until after Ryan Phillips had singled, 3-0. Bernie was whacked around for another three hits and two runs on an RBI triple by Foss and an RBI single (…) by Outram (…) in the seventh, while the Raccoons barely mustered enough strength to reach home plate from the dugout, conserving energy for the second game of the day, I presume. The Raccoons scored a run in the eighth on two hits and a throwing error by Outram. The ******* damn Elks scored four on Pena in the ninth, having the bases loaded with two outs upon which Pena threw a wild pitch, taking a grand slam away from Ryan Phillips. Pena, that cheeky bugger. 9-1 Canadiens. Fernandez 3-4, 2B, RBI;

Bright sides, Pena soaked up the last two innings Bernie couldn’t be bothered with, and we now have almost all the pen readily available to pick up 6.2 innings after the inevitable painful and grisly drawing and quartering of Angelo Montano. (pats Montano on the fuzzy cheek a few times) Goodbye, Angelo. We hardly knew ye.

Game 4
VAN: LF Foss – 1B J. Lopez – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – SS Sibley – C James – 3B R. Ashley – P Mihalik
POR: CF Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Hooge – 1B Salazar – 3B Caskey – 2B Kilgallen – P Montano

Montano walked three damn Elks and gave up three damn runs in the second inning, and nobody was surprised. Actually, I was more surprised that Ray Ashly was so ******* stupid to be caught stealing third base during THAT inning. That was actually the only inning in which Montano was out of control – the rest of the way he was more slapped around for singles, with the damn Elks scoring one more run in the fourth, but nothing else through six. The Coons didn’t exist as an offensive entity through five, but Tony Hunter got on, stole second, and was singled around by Manny in the bottom 6th. Yay, offense… Down 4-1, Morales singled, and Ed Hooge came up as the tying run … and jammed a grounder into an inning-ending double play. Montano made it through six and two thirds before being removed with Foss (single) and Outram (walk) on base. Brent Clark struck out Sprague to end the inning. Come the eighth, Mihalik was still going, but Maldo (forced out by Hunter) and Manny reached base with soft singles. The tying run was up again in Tony Morales, who hit into a double play on the first pitch. Watching them flail was a ******* delight. Berto, Salazar, and Caskey were retired in order in the ninth. 4-1 Canadiens. Maldonado 2-4; Fernandez 3-4, RBI;

Yes, thank you Dr. Padilla. (pours mixed pills into a glass with bleach while Dr. Padilla hurries out)

This just in. Kyle Dominy has a compressed radial nerve and is out for the season. We won’t get a prospect in a trade or a dandy draft pick for him. We won’t get anything.

(stirs concoction with a claw, then downs it in one go)

Maud, you said this would kill me! – Well, you lied to me! Just like the last seventeen times!!

Raccoons (29-32) vs. Pacifics (23-37) – June 8-10, 2040

The Coons were heading where the Pacifics in the FL already were, last in their division and in runs scored, although they were fifth in runs allowed, and that wasn’t something I saw happening for these Portland punks. They were second from the bottom in bullpen ERA though, so not all was lost in us getting swept here. Again. Portland had won the last four series against L.A. (and the last World Series, too), most recently sweeping the Pacifics in 2038.

Projected matchups:
Nelson Moreno (0-0) vs. Keith Black (5-6, 3.90 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-5, 3.30 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (1-5, 5.77 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (4-0, 2.19 ERA) vs. Terry Garrigan (3-7, 4.91 ERA)

Nels had pitched on Saturday and was thus sufficiently rested to take the ball on Friday. Sabre and Bedrosian would be pushed back a day.

The Pacifics would send a right-hander into every game in the set. They also had a few injuries, with Mario Hurtado and Brian Bowman missing on the infield, while ex-Coon (twice) Chris Miller was also on the DL. Their team home run leader, 26-year-old rookie Ryan Tolman (.253, 5 HR, 16 RBI), was in AAA at this point.

Game 1
LAP: SS Miles – 2B J. Cruz – LF Gouveia – RF J. Becker – C E. Ramos – CF Pohl – 1B Allucingoli – 3B Lusk – P Black
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 3B A. Ramos – 1B Anderson – P Moreno

Nelson Moreno’s first pitch in the majors was rolled for a grounder to short by Tyler Miles. After that Nels went single, wild pitch, single, sac fly. Good – kid is fitting in seamlessly right away! He then struck out Edwardo Ramos to end the inning before it could get really ugly. The Pacifics got another run off him in the third inning, while the Coons didn’t really wake up until the middle innings. Manny Fernandez doubled and was singled home by Hoogey, 2-1, and Berto even drew a walk to keep the line moving, and Anderson hit screaming liner … which Luis Allucingoli leapt for and caught, ending the inning. What a killjoy.

The debutee in brown got into a tie the following inning when the Raccoons actually converted a 1-out double to left by Tony Hunter. Cosmo singled him home right away, tying the score, but then was starved on base. Hoogey hit a leadoff double to right to begin the bottom 6th, though, and the Raccoons had to plate him to give Moreno the win – the rookie had gone into some amount of long counts at this point and was not going to be back for the seventh inning, although the game was still tied at two. Black struck out Berto, but Oliver Anderson pushed a single through the right side this time, good enough to plate Hooge with the go-ahead run. Maldonado then popped out and Hunter grounded out, and Jermaine Campbell blew the lead right away in the seventh on a Kyle Lusk double and a Tyler Miles single. Good times. The Raccoons did win eventually, with Jimmy Lohrey allowing a leadoff single to Matt Kilgallen in the #9 hole in the bottom 9th. Hunter’s bunt and a wild pitch moved him to third base, from where Manny – after an intentional walk to Cosmo – scored him with a sac fly. 4-3 Critters. Hunter 2-4, 2 2B; Trevino 2-4, BB, RBI; Morales 2-4; Hooge 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Well. (pats Moreno on the back) I hope you liked that, kid, there’s much more like this coming for you in the next few years.

Game 2
LAP: SS Miles – 2B J. Cruz – LF Gouveia – 1B Wotring – RF J. Becker – CF Pohl – C F. Chavez – 3B Lusk – P Nora
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 3B A. Ramos – SS Hunter – P Sabre

Nora started his day with two walks, then gave up a 3-piece to Tony Morales for a 3-0 Coons lead in the first. Tony Hunter would be on base to begin the bottom 2nd, but was doubled up by Sabre’s bunt. Maldonado reached after that, then was tripled home by Cosmo, 4-0. The Pacifics loaded the bases in the third inning, getting a walk and two clumsy hits out of Sabre, but Josh Wotring then popped out to second base to piss that away. Top 4th, Justin Becker double, Pat Pohl single, a full-count walk to Francis Chavez, and the bags were loaded yet again for Sabre… This time they scored. Kyle Lusk singled in a run, and Nora also got home a run, albeit on a double play grounder, and Cosmo handled a quick bouncer from Tyler Miles for the third out, stranding Chavez on third base.

And by now it was really Sabre’s problem. He was not fooling anybody. The Pacifics had leadoff base hits in both of the next two innings, and only didn’t score because they were always hitting the ball at the wrong defender. Then Fernando Nora challenged the wrong batter; with Berto on first in the bottom of the inning he hurled a fastball down the middle to Tony Hunter, who turned it into a 2-run homer and a refreshed 6-2 lead. Sabre came back for the seventh, getting two outs on hard-hit balls, but also had a runner on base and was replaced with Pena. That sucker had nothing better to do than fill the bases, then give up a bases-clearing double to Pohl, tearing the lead down to a skinny run. That final run proved remarkably resilient though. Neither Chuck Jones, nor Rico Sanchez could make that one go away, and the Raccoons held on to win after all. Sanchez even – novel concept, we might have to look into it further – retired the Pacifics without allowing a base runner. 6-5 Raccoons. Morales 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Anderson 2-4; Ramos 2-4;

Game 3
LAP: SS Miles – 2B J. Cruz – LF Gouveia – 1B Wotring – RF J. Becker – C E. Ramos – CF Pohl – 3B Lusk – P Garrigan
POR: CF Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – 1B Salazar – 2B Kilgallen – P Bedrosian

Bedrosian allowed a single, two walks, and a 2-run double to Justin Becker in a by-and-large unsuccessful first inning. The Critters made up a run in the bottom 1st, with Maldonado hitting a triple into the gap before scoring on Hunter’s sac fly. The bases where then loaded again for L.A. in the third inning. Jose Cruz reached on an error by Salazar, and a walk and a single made it three on, nobody out. Justin Becker hit a sac fly, 3-1, while Edwardo Ramos popped out and Pat Pohl whiffed. Bottom of the inning, Garrigan struck out two before Manny singled, Kilmer walked, and Greenway dropped in a single for a run to score, 3-2. Garrigan lost Berto on balls, but struck out Salazar, who didn’t look like the answer to any particular question I liked to ask.

Bedrosian, on the hook after not losing a game all year, kept batting, whiffing eight through six innings, but still losing 3-2 (one run unearned). Maybe things would get better in the bottom of the sixth, with Garrigan leaking more walks, issuing #4 and #5 to Greenway and Berto to begin the inning, which only served to bring up Salazar again. This time Oliver Anderson hit for him, walked, and it was three on and nobody out. And then Kilgallen popped out to second base. Awesome. Cosmo batted for Bedrosian in this spot, and *barely* got the tying run home for a grounder to the right side, when Jose Cruz took the safe out at first rather than the dicey one at home. Maldo grounded out, keeping the game tied.

Chuck Jones in the seventh and Alex Ramirez in the eighth got rid of the Pacifics quickly, while the most the offense scratched out was a Berto walk and a stolen base in the bottom 8th, but with two outs and leading nowhere in particular. Ramirez and Garavito combined for the ninth, even though Ramos singled and Garavito nailed Allucingoli, but there was still a chance to walk off against right-hander Chris Tompkins in regulation, but the Coons didn’t get more than a Hunter single with two outs, and then Manny popped out, sending the game to extras. Rico Sanchez did the 10th, with Kilmer then leading off the bottom 10th against Tompkins with a single to center. Then Greenway, Berto, and Anderson made three embarrassing outs in really quick order… The Coons shrugged, planted Pena on the mound for the 11th, and didn’t think a 12th would be necessary. A 12th was necessary, because the Raccoons couldn’t even turn a scoreless Pena inning into something nice. Two scoreless Pena innings? Facing Jimmy Lohrey in the bottom 12th, Manny hit a leadoff single to right. Kilmer whacked another single to right. That brought up Greenway, batting a sturdy .170, with Pena in the slot behind him. Only Hoogey was left on the bench, and he’d of course hit for Pena, then with Greenway also on base after a bloop single. Uh-oh, three on, no outs. C’mon Hoogey – I wanna go home…! (begs) One pitch was enough – Hoogey slapped the baseball through the right side, everybody advanced a base, and the Coons had the sweep in the books. 4-3 Critters. Maldonado 2-6, 3B; Fernandez 2-6; Kilmer 2-5, BB; Greenway 2-5, BB, RBI; Hooge (PH) 1-1, RBI; Pena 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (2-1);

In other news

June 5 – When CIN SP Chris “Tuba” Turner (7-2, 3.64 ERA) hits a sac fly off Pittsburgh’s Josh Heckman (2-3, 3.99 ERA), it walks off the Cyclones for a 6-5 win and ends six hours and 20 innings of baseball. Both teams had blown leads in the ninth inning, then refused to score all the way until Turner’s heroic flyout.
June 6 – The Cyclones follow up with a 7-6 win in 16 innings on Wednesday, beating the Miners on a walkoff single by CF/LF Mike Gray (.231, 1 HR, 3 RBI). Both teams are relieved to have Thursday off.
June 8 – SAC OF/1B/3B Phil Rogers (.243, 10 HR, 23 RBI) is going to be out for a month with an oblique strain.
June 8 – RIC LF/3B Josh Frazier (.198, 6 HR, 20 RBI) would miss until the All Star Game with a sprained ankle.
June 9 – The Loggers draw *15* walks from the Warriors in a 16-3 rout in which they have only 11 base hits. Milwaukee’s Ted Del Vecchio (.246, 5 HR, 28 RBI) hits 1-for-2 with four walks and an RBI.

FL Player of the Week: SAL 1B/LF/RF Jose Rivera (.320, 10 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .524 (11-21) with 2 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: IND 1B Pat Dodson (.250, 9 HR, 26 RBI), batting .455 (10-22) with 3 HR, 11 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Nelson Moreno learned a valuable lesson right away on his debut – it doesn’t matter how good you are, because there’s always some ****** on your team that will piss it all way. I also told him that I had much more wisdom where this one came from and you could always come to me looking for inspiration.

Or did I say spirits?

(rubs his reddish nose with both paws)

*hcks!*

What else? Well, the season is obviously in the bin. The future, too, with Dominy becoming worthless one inning to the next. That was a neat move, baseball gods. (glances upwards) Neat move. What next? (shakes fist) WHAT NEXT??

Actually, next are the Blue Sox and Indians, after an off day on Monday.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have never not won at least two games from a CL North opponent in any season.

Well, but they bloody won’t this year against the ******* ******** (shatters empty bottle against the wall) ******* **** *** ELKS!!!!!

[DD Martin]

The last year and a half has just been a complete dumpster fire. It’s obvious to everyone that Dr Chung needs to return from his mission in the homeland

[Westheim]

Raccoons (32-32) @ Blue Sox (35-28) – June 12-14, 2040

Last time the Raccoons played the Blue Sox, they lost Game 7 of the 2037 World Series to them, while the last regular season meeting had been the same year, the Critters then taking two out of three. Mixed memories, huh? Nashville had lost four in a row, but the Raccoons were crummy in general. The Sox led the Federal League in runs scored and were third in runs allowed, so you’d expect them to not lose seven in a row. But while their rotation was best in the league, their bullpen was a burning tire fire with an ERA over five. If only the Raccoons could ever get into that…

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (2-6, 3.80 ERA) vs. Kevin Stice (5-2, 3.67 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (0-0, 3.00 ERA) vs. Donovan Mason (1-1, 3.15 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-5, 3.36 ERA) vs. Matt Hose (6-2, 3.29 ERA)

All right-handers here. Injuries had ripped into their roster, mostly the lineup, with regulars Jim “Mastodon” Allen, Justin Fowler, and Ken Gibbs all on the shelf. On the pitching side they were also without Sean Fowler, another ex-Coon in Casey Moore, and starter David Elliott. The common off day on Monday would allow them to skip the replacement Mason and bring Tim Hale (4-6, 4.24 ERA) into the set.

Game 1
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – 1B Salazar – P Chavez
NAS: 2B Encinia – SS Bouldin – LF S. Ashley – C Santa Cruz – CF Oliver – 3B Critzer – 1B Bossert – RF Graf – P Stice

After a silent first run through the lineup, the Raccoons found inroads to Kevin Stice’s cookie jar in the third inning, even if only with two outs. Maldonado through Kilmer all hit singles, bringing home the first two runs of the game before Greenway grounded out to Juan Encinia. Bernie Chavez couldn’t be trusted with the lead though; while allowing only one hit through three innings, he gave it all away in the fourth, with a single hit by Jorge Santa Cruz into shallow center, than then immediately a loud homer to right hit by Brian Oliver to tie the game at two.

When Jeff Kilmer hit a solo shot to left in the sixth inning, the Coons took a 3-2 lead. And when Bernie Chavez returned to the mound for the bottom of the sixth, he retired absolutely nobody. Encinia and Billy Bouldin hit singles. Sean Ashley tied the game with a double. Santa Cruz untied it with a homer to left, 6-3, and then Oliver hit a double to right. Jermaine Campbell replaced him, but put another three Sox on base and conceded another two runs before finally getting three outs. The bum. The Coons were even into the Sox’ pen now, with Cory Cronk (.301, 2 HR, 10 RBI) having pinch-hit for Stice, but whether that was still any use for them, down 8-3, was certainly debatable. For beginners, another run fell out of Mauricio Garavito, for whom season’s end and retirement couldn’t come soon enough, in the seventh. In the ninth then, Vincenzo Battaglia wobbled *slightly* for the Sox. Maldo singled with two outs, stole second, and was singled home by Cosmo. Juan Espudo replaced the right-hander, balked, then gave up an RBI single to Manny. Hoogey hit for Kilmer and singled. Greenway singled to right, loading the bases and bringing the tying run into the box. Espudo leaked a walk to Berto with the bases stacked, and then Tony Hunter fell to 1-2 before slapping a ball into the gap in left-center. Hooge scored! Greenway scored! Berto scored! Tied ballgame! HOLY ****!! Ex-Coon Antonio Prieto with an ERA over five replaced Espudo, facing Morales, who had opened the inning hitting for the pitcher in the #8 hole. Tony socked a homer to right. There were now crying children in the ballpark, with the Raccoons having scored eight runs, all with two outs. Finally, Oliver Anderson struck out, sending it to Rico Sanchez, who gave up a single, a walk, and somehow got a game-saving 6-4-3 double play from Brad Critzer. 11-9 Furballs!? Maldonado 2-4; Trevino 2-5, 2 RBI; Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Kilmer 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Hooge (PH) 1-1; Greenway 3-5; Morales (PH) 1-2, HR, 2 RBI;

(sits there, mid-gasp, unable to close the snout agape)

Game 2
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Anderson – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Moreno
NAS: 2B Encinia – SS Bouldin – LF S. Ashley – C Santa Cruz – CF Oliver – 3B Critzer – 1B Bossert – RF Cronk – P D. Mason

Cory Cronk took Moreno deep in the third inning for the first run of the game, which filled me with considerable bitterness. While the Coons couldn’t get a hit off spot starter Mason through five, regardless of whether they asked kindly or brashly, Moreno kept being busy by almost always having somebody on base. In the fifth that was Cronk, nicked to begin the inning. He then mishandled Mason’s bunt into an extra runner, then got even more fierce and threw to third on Encinia’s comebacker. This time he got Cronk, and Mason was slapped out seconds after on a very weird double steal call. Then Billy Bouldin hit an RBI single anyway, 2-0.

Cosmo hit a double in the sixth to break up the no-hitter, but was left on base. Santa Cruz instead homered to right in the bottom of the inning, and Critzer and Chance Bossert hit singles to take up the corners against Moreno. Cronk then whacked an RBI single over Trevino, and Moreno was lifted after receiving Mason’s bunt. Ramirez got a pop from Encinia to end the inning, with the Coons down by a slam and not looking like making it up. Just like Tuesday, huh? Nah. This tiem Mason was nearly untouchable, and the Raccoons kept bleeding runs. Brent Clark was taken deep by Sean Ashley in the seventh, 5-0. A walk by Hunter, a single by Damian Salazar, and a sac fly by Maldo was all there was to a “rally” in the eighth. Cory Cronk answered with another 2-run homer in the bottom of the inning, also off Clark. 7-1 Blue Sox. Salazar 1-1;

Well, yes, Nelson, but you also could have hit two homers like Cronk, that ****head. – I know, I know. Here’s a fudge bar. Now scurry off. I have some crying to do as well.

And that was it for the series. Persistent rain nixed the Thursday game and the Raccoons instead had to travel to Indy to get whacked around some more there.

Raccoons (33-33) @ Indians (29-37) – June 15-17, 2040

Another team that had lost four in a row! The Indians were also in the bottom three in both runs scored and runs allowed, so posed a major stepping stone on the Raccoon’s quest to achieve ultimate mediocrity. The season series was tied at two.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (5-5, 3.36 ERA) vs. Jake Jackson (7-4, 3.23 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (4-0, 2.24 ERA) vs. Alex Flores (2-6, 4.34 ERA)
Angelo Montano (0-2, 6.10 ERA) vs. Eric Peck (5-5, 3.87 ERA)

The return of Southpaw Sunday! The other two were right-handers, although the Indians had also not played on Thursday (scheduled like that) and could jigger things around like the Raccoons had skipped Montano in Nashville.

Game 1
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Anderson – RF Hooge – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Sabre
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF A. Torres – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – 2B E. Vargas – P J. Jackson

The Raccoons broke out early, with a solo homer by Ed Hooge in the second inning, then a bit more in the third, which Hunter started off by walking and stealing second base. Sabre walked, too, and Maldonado hit an RBI double. Two poor outs later, Tony Morales rocked a fastball outta rightfield for a 3-piece and a 5-0 lead, but Indy would get a run back in the bottom 3rd. It was unearned, because with Enrique Vargas on first base, Sabre threw Jackson’s bunt away… Nick Crocker hit an RBI single, with Jackson thrown out at home plate by Hoogey. Sabre continued to have a not so good day; Dave Serrato and Vargas opened the bottom 5th with a double and an RBI single, 5-2. Jackson was hit for, but Roberto Morales struck out. Crocker grounded out, moving the runner to second base, from where Sabre scored him with not one but TWO wild pitches to make it 5-3 before Mario Ochoa flew out to Maldonado in deep center. Raffaello, that was dangerously close to Juan Diaz Territory, and you don’t want to be in Juan Diaz Territory!

You also got the impression that the batters thought that if Sabre couldn’t handle being spotted five runs against these lowly Indians, then **** that guy, because they didn’t do zilch after the third inning. They had all of two more hits through the seventh, but then Manny led off the eighth with a single to center when a tack-on run wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Right-hander Marcus Goode walked Tony Morales, but Anderson hit into a double play and Hooge struck out. Chuck Jones then did the bottom 8th in immediate relief of Sabre, facing the 1-2-3-4 batters and giving up a double to the only right-hander, Dan Hutson, but that was it in the inning. When Hunter doubled to left in the ninth against Alex Banderas, Troy Greenway batted for Jones, because we’d never learn, but was walked intentionally. Instead Maldo popped out and Cosmo whiffed. Rico Sanchez was then torn a new one in the bottom 9th: Pat Dodson singled to right, he walked Elliott Thompson, and Dave Serrato smacked an RBI double. Doom. Tied game on a grounder by Vargas, then the walkoff single to right by PH Josh Garbinski. 6-5 Indians. Maldonado 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Morales 2-3, BB, HR, 3 RBI;

(wishes to un-sign Rico Sanchez)

Game 2
POR: 1B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – CF Hooge – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 3B Caskey – P Bedrosian
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF A. Torres – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – 2B E. Vargas – P A. Flores

Just why on Earth were people continuing to walk Troy Greenway intentionally? The Indians did it again in the fourth inning, just after Tony Hunter had put the first two runs on the board with a double scoring Fernandez and Hooge, with one out in the inning. Well, yes, it brought up Jon Caskey, but they were both equally dead from the waste up …! In the event, Caskey and Bedrosian made poor outs, ending the inning, but at least the latter kept pitching finely. Through four, he allowed two hits and struck out five. Only Elliott Thompson had hit a deep fly out the first time through. Top 5th, Cosmo reached base and Manny homered, 4-0, but I had seen that before and I wasn’t gonna make any move that could be taken as excitement, because the baseball gods were obviously watching closely, especially Igor, the tiniest, meanest baseball god, with warts on his ***, that one really had it in for me and the Coons …!

Thompson hit another deep fly out in the bottom 5th, which was then followed by Bedrosian shoveling the bags full all of a sudden. Serrato walked, Flores singled (…), and Crocker walked. Ochoa grounded out to short though, ending the inning. In the sixth he was back to normal, but that wonky inning had erased the shutout potential for him, with Bedrosian at over 80 pitches through six. The Critters then loaded the bags in the seventh when the 2-3-4 batters with one out went single, single, hit in the bum. Hoogey knocked an RBI single at 0-2 up the middle, and also Flores from the game. Ayden Cobb then walked Hunter, forcing in a run. Next was Greenway, who had hit 42 homers two years earlier and now was barely hitting .142, facing a shy right-handed kid in his second major-league game. He lined out softly to Vargas and I bit forcefully into my fist. Anderson hit for Caskey, hoping for a knockout blow, but popped out, stranding three. Bedrosian then also came apart, allowing a leadoff single to Thompson, who was doubled off, then a walk to Serrato, and two singles. One run was in, but Brent Clark starved two more runners when he replaced Bedrosian in the sticky situation and got a grounder to short from Ochoa. Matt Kilgallen was now batting ninth and playing center after a double switch, and also led off the eighth inning with a jack to left off righty Luke Moses, another fresh-faced rookie. He’d walk Hunter in the ninth and allow a single to Damian Salazar, which was hard to do, before getting whacked for a 2-run double by Anderson. Kilgallen ended the inning with a lineout. Clark, Ramirez, and Garavito pieced the last two innings together without blowing an 8-run lead, so that was a relief. 9-1 Coons. Trevino 3-5; Fernandez 3-4, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Hunter 2-3, 2 BB, 2B, 3 RBI; Salazar (PH) 1-1; Anderson (PH) 1-2, 2B, 2 RBI; Kilgallen 1-2, HR, RBI; Bedrosian 6.2 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 8 K, W (5-0);

The Raccoons made a roster move. Hitting 0-for-3 did in Jon Caskey (.185, 1 HR, 5 RBI), who was sent to AAA. We called up (sigh) Steve Nickas, hitting .286 in limited action in AAA. Nickas was a strong defender, and would probably also hit .185 with ease.

We were exchanging a career .224 hitter for a career .214 hitter, so not really anything to write home about.

Gam 3
POR: 3B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 1B Salazar – CF Kilgallen – P Montano
IND: CF Crocker – 1B Dodson – 3B Hutson – SS D. Serrato – 2B E. Vargas – C Alfonso – RF M. Ochoa – LF A. Torres – P Peck

The rubber game was the third career start for Angelo Montano, and the first one in which he didn’t look like a complete wimp. He’d shut out the Indians through five, scattering five hits while getting some solid defense and a double play grounder from Dodson right in the first inning, but struck out three and walked nobody. Offensively, the Raccoons scored first again on a Maldonado jack to left in the third inning. Kilgallen was on base, making it 2-0, and the bases filled up after that until Greenway flew out to right to strand everybody and their mother. The 2-0 score held true through five, with the sixth inning starting with a Greenway double to left-center. The runner advanced on a wild pitch, then scored on an error by Edwin Alfonso on Salazar’s embarrassing grounder. Salazar would be bunted over by Montano, after which Maldo was walked with intent. Cosmo clipped an RBI single, 4-0, but Peck rung up Manny Fernandez to end the inning. Hutson hit a single in the sixth, but got not very far. Top 7th, Greenway hit his monthly jack to right-center, 5-0. Edwin Alfonso hit a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, but the Indians never got the runner off first base against Montano, who was on 88 pitches through seven, then gave up a leadoff double to Crocker in the eighth. Groudners, in that order, to Maldo, Hunter, and Cosmo kept the runner from scoring, getting Montano through eight on 100 pitches precisely. But we were told he had a rubber arm, so he could probably take some more abuse. He walked Vargas to begin the bottom 9th, which was not great, and another base runner would be IT. Alfonso flew out to right, easily, while Ochoa grounded up the middle. Hunter got the lead runner, but the return throw to first base was late. Alberto Torres came up with two outs, popped up on the infield, Damian Salazar took charge of the ball, caught it, and then immediately stormed for Montano for a thick rookie hug. 5-0 Furballs! Greenway 2-4, BB, HR, 2B, RBI; Salazar 2-5, 2B, RBI; Kilgallen 2-4; Montano 9.0 IP, 8 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (1-2);

In other news

June 11 – MIL 2B Tony Lira (.189, 2 HR, 14 RBI) will miss three weeks with a bruised wrist.
June 14 – The Aces beat the Rebels, 7-5 in 16 innings, after both teams had already scored a run in the 15th inning. Richmond’s Gene Tennis (1-1, 7.20 ERA) walks in two runs in the top 16th to facilitate the Aces’ W.
June 15 – 22-year-old Gold Sox infielder Ronnie Thompson (.220, 0 HR, 12 RBI) could miss three months with a dislocated shoulder.
June 16 – A torn thumb ligament will sideline Tijuana RF/1B Willie Ojeda (.316, 4 HR, 31 RBI) for up to four weeks.
June 16 – SFB 3B/SS/RF Marshall Greer (.216, 4 HR, 27 RBI) will miss three weeks with an oblique tweak.

FL Player of the Week: DAL RF/LF Sean Calais (.345, 3 HR, 21 RBI), hitting .533 (16-30) with 1 HR, 4 RBI
CL Player of the Week: MIL SS/2B Ted Del Vecchio (.261, 9 HR, 35 RBI), batting .450 (9-20) with 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Do we have to mention that Angelo Montano pitched his *first* career shutout tonight? I am not sure him and Salazar have stopped hugging and screaming yet, either. Also, according to our scout man, who has a name that keeps eluding me*, that’s probably his only career shutout. Oh well, maybe the Arrowheads will come back up again this season…

One rancid pitcher that has been cycling in and out this year won’t be back in ’40, with Jose de Leon going down to radial nerve compression – same thing that axed Dominy. (looks grumpily)

The missing game in the Blue Sox series won’t have to wait long to be made up. The Raccoons will travel there again this next week. After hosting the Crusaders at home for three games, they’ll stop over in Nashville on the way to their weekend set in Atlanta. We’ll also be in Charlotte at the start of the week after that, then come home again to get another serious thrashing from the damn Elks.

On the negative side, that June 21 date was the Raccoons’ last off day before the All Star break. Unless more rainouts occur somewhere, they’ll have to play 24 straight games without a day off now.

Good times.

Fun Fact: Ryan Bedrosian finally won a game this week after four straight no-decisions!

He has a 5-0 record with a soon-to-be league-leading ERA (Kyle Dominy won’t lead the ERA table past game 82), with a ridiculous 10 no-decisions. Even more amazing is that he not only can’t win consecutive games, he can’t even win two out of three. Bedrosian’s season:

Win!!
nah
nah
Win!!
nah
nah
Win!!
nah
nah
Win!!
nah
uh-uh
still not
stop asking
Win!!

He’s tied for second in wins on the team with Sabre (excusable) and Jones (not bloody quite).

+++

By the way, this is no joke. He has such a standard Hispanic name that I keep forgetting it. (looks it up) Jorge Perez.

I tend to never forget people that have names like Merrifield Thunderbolt…

[Westheim]

2040 AMATEUR DRAFT

For the 2040 draft the relentlessly mediocre Raccoons would have the relentlessly mediocre #13 pick in every round, no extras. Somehow that seemed fitting.

There were a total of 111 players on the shortlist, and of course also few on the hotlist of a dozen boys or so (*denotes HS players, of which there weren’t many on the hotlist this year):

SP Paul Paris (15/12/12) – BNN #3
SP Arthur Pickett (11/14/14) – BNN #8
SP Tom Spencer (10/12/10) *
SP Brian Jackson (11/13/11)
SP Adam Capone (10/13/14) – BNN #1

CL Rich Kappel (19/16/11)
CL Jonathan Osmond (17/13/11)
CL Dale Mrazek (16/14/12)
CL Steven Johnston (18/12/9)

SS Jon Parker (9/8/12)

OF Dan Mathes (11/9/9) – BNN #9
RF Matt Diskin (12/9/8) *
LF/RF Pat Stipp (12/10/11)
OF Jonathan Gross (11/8/10)
LF/RF Billy Slingluff (12/15/11) – BNN #2

Paris and Pickett were at the top of the pile, I’d say, and we’d get neither one of them. It wasn’t completely out of the window that we’d take a top notch closer after all.

Billy Slingluff ended up being the #1 pick in the nation, being selected by the Pacifics. After that it was Matt Diskin to the Warriors and (sigh) Paul Paris to the Crusaders. The Indians were up next, picking SP Chris Volk, who was not on the hotlist. The Cyclones made Dan Mathes the #5 pick, followed by (SIGH) Arthur Pickett being taken at #6 by the Stars. Well, so much for hopeful wishing.

Pat Stipp went #9 to the Scorpions, and that was the only other hotlist kid being taken before the Raccoons got their first pick. Instead, both the Thunder at #10 and the Rebels at #12 took players not even on the shortlist (Steve Humphreys, Lance Harrison, respectively, who will surely make the Hall of Fame now), which made me wonder what me and scout guy were perpetually doing wrong... And while my heart afterwards told me to take one of the top 2 closers (probably Osmond, who had even better ratings with OSA), we played it “safe”, and took SP Adam Capone, at worst a strong finesse pitcher, and at best an All Star to get the Raccoons on track for *something* by 2044 or so. He was also from Hawaii, and we weren’t having the worst track record drafting pitchers from Hawaii…

Brian Jackson went #14 to the Condors after our selection. The Miners took Rich Kappel at #16, immediately followed by Jonathan Gross to the Bayhawks at #17. The Caps selected Jon Parker at #21, emptying the batting side of the hotlist for good. Tom Spencer (who had rather little stamina for a starter, sort of like Antonio Donis, but, eh, Donis made it to the Hall of Fame after all…) fell to the supplemental round and there to the Cyclones at #27, leaving the three non-Kappel closers. Nothing happened to those for a long time until the dismal Indians took Jonathan Osmond with the #46 selection, which was already in the second round. The Stars – quickly becoming the bane of my existence – drafted Dale Mrazek at #48. Coincidentally, those two picks sandwiched the delightfully-named INF Manny Peoples, taken by the Thunder. Johnston was then taken by the Coons when their second-round pick came up.

+++

2040 PORTLAND RACCOONS DRAFT CLASS

Round 1 (#13) – SP Adam Capone, 20, from Honolulu, HI – right-hander with greater control than stuff, but there’s nothing wrong with a finesse groundballer. Throws 3 1/2 pitches and if he can add a little bit to the 90mph fastball he should turn out fine.
Round 2 (#55) – CL Steven Johnston, 20, from Albuquerque, NM – left-hander with a vicious cutter-curveball combination. The cutter darts enough to generate lots of groundballs. Would have ample stamina for a starter, throwing 95mph, too, but does not throw a third pitch at all.
Round 3 (#79) – OF/1B Ben Bonczek, 17, from Martinsville, VA – Cristiano showed be Gobble content of Bonczek making pinpoint 400-foot throws, so he has a murder arm. Not much range, though, and we are buying into scout guy’s assurance that a subtle change to his swing will unleash great power potential.
Round 4 (#103) – SP Chase Gregson, 18, from Springfield, IL – starter only if that third pitch, a changeup, gets better; but the 92mph sinker and cutter make for good groundball action, which is a nice building block.
Round 5 (#127) – 3B/1B Ken Lenihan, 19, from Jackson, MS – murder arm, but not much range, would be well enough for third base though; no power potential, but could be a bit of a single-slapping bat in the #2 hole.
Round 6 (#151) – MR Matt Balling, 23, from Phoenix, AZ – strong changeup and 93mph fastball on this right-hander.
Round 7 (#175) – INF/LF Andy Benton, 19, from Houston, TX – good defensive middle infielder with speed, and at least some potential for an on-base bat, even though he really has to work on his patience in the box…
Round 8 (#199) – OF Ali McLeish, 17, from Melville, NY – best case he becomes a singles-slapping defensive replacement for a bulky corner outfielder that can actually hit.
Round 9 (#223) – CL John Hiscock, 20, from Edmonton, Canada – right-hander with a 91mph fastball and a sorta neat curve.
Round 10 (#247) – SS/2B Tom McCullough, 21, from Oil City, LA – could be a tremendous base-stealing demon if he could ever reach base at all against competent pitching.
Round 11 (#271) – SP Joel Ray, 18, from Picnic Point-North Lynnwood, WA – if only his list of awesome pitches was as long as his place of birth. Annual Nick Brown Memorial Pick, throwing 86 for “heat”, and a messy curve and slider.
Round 12 (#295) – LF/INF/CF Jason Hannah, 18, from McHenry, IL – does play many positions, all of them so-so, and his batting is much worse than that.
Round 13 (#319) – C Troy Hall, 19, from Rochester, NY – can’t hit, can’t run, can barely throw. Knows plenty of dirty jokes, though.

+++

We were reasonably confident in young Adam Capone’s and Steven Johnston’s abilities to move the pair to Ham Lake right away. The other selections were all assigned to Aumsville.

Of course cleaning house is part of the drafting process and getting rid of your mistakes from five years ago went paw in paw with bringing in new hopes and dreams to be dashed by baseball in the future.

The Raccoons handed a total of 12 players their papers on draft day, including a bunch nobody ever heard of, but also: 2034 fourth-rounder MR Jim Norton, perpetually awful in AA; 2034 11th-rounder MR David Bentley, not even good enough to be awful in AA; 2036 fourth-rounder INF/LF Phil Adcock, batting a spiffy .600 OPS in single-A; 2037 fifth-rounder INF Jeff Goodwill, who ran out of the GM’s goodwill to let him continue poking pointlessly in Aumsville; 2037 12th-rounder LF Chris Marsee, because oh dear…; 2038 12th-rounder 1B David Mendoza, displaying a staggering lack of talent;

[Westheim]

I don’t know, Nick, should we really be leading the division? – Have you seen any games lately?

Raccoons (35-34) vs. Crusaders (28-37) – June 18-20, 2040

The Crusaders were bottoms in runs scored in the CL, while having thoroughly average pitching, a mix that was enough to lead the season series over the Critters, 4-2. But they didn’t just have the worst offense – they were last in almost everything. All slash categories, OPS of course, hits, extra-base hits, four-base hits, walks – they were all on the list. The only exceptions were strikeouts and stolen bases, where they were in the upper half each time. – Yes, Nick, indeed, a team more pathetic than yours!

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (2-6, 4.30 ERA) vs. Aaron Hickey (1-3, 4.41 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (0-1, 3.86 ERA) vs. Josh Brown (7-3, 3.42 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-5, 3.30 ERA) vs. Todd Lush (5-4, 4.03 ERA)

Right, left, left. No more rendezvous with Chris Wise, either – he was on the DL and done for the year.

Game 1
NYC: RF Salek – 1B Rudd – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – LF C. Russell – SS J. Adams – C J. Herrera – 3B G. Ortiz – P Hickey
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – 1B Anderson – P Chavez

The league’s worst offense saw Bernie Chavez and was inspired. Tom Rudd walked in the first inning, Mario Briones and Joe Besaw both slapped singles through the left side, and Chris Russell pumped a 3-piece to left-center for an instant 4-0 deficit. – I know, Nick, I know. – Yes, somebody has to be responsible for this disaster – And you don’t mean Bernie, I get it. – Well, how about Cristiano as scapegoat?

And while you couldn’t say the Critters didn’t *try* their very best, unfortunately their best wasn’t very good. Hooge brought in a run with the bases loaded by grounding out in the first inning, but Greenway also grounded out and that was it for having three on with one out. Berto drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 2nd and was singled home by Tony Hunter, but then they stopped doing things, and instead Bernie Chavez ran into another 4-run blasting in the fifth inning, again with a capping 3-run homer. This time Juan Herrera did the honors with two outs. Another run fell out of Garavito in the seventh, which was not something unseen this year, while the bottom 7th saw the Coons haplessly load the bases with two outs, involving a Hunter single, Cosmo getting nicked, Manny walking, and then Tony Morales brought in a run … on Mario Briones’ error. Hickey walked in a run against Hoogey and was yanked in a 9-4 game. Jeremy Bloedow then got Greenway to ground out. That was the final chance they got – ex-Coon John Hennessy pitched the last two innings efficiently and without getting into undue trouble. 9-4 Crusaders. Hunter 3-5, RBI; Trevino 2-4;

Those five hits by Hunter and Trevino? Equal to the team total.

I know, Nick, I know. You pay for more than five hits per game…

Game 2
NYC: RF Salek – SS J. Garcia – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – LF C. Russell – C D. Phillips – 1B Stedham – 3B G. Ortiz – P J. Brown
POR: 3B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – CF Kilgallen – RF Hooge – 1B Salazar – P Moreno

Moreno put the leadoff man aboard in basically all the innings. Rich Salek was doubled off in the first. Chris Russell was caught stealing in the second. Greg Ortiz singled in the third, after which Moreno nicked Brown, who tried to bunt, and that mistake was not something Moreno would recover from without taking one to the snout; Briones would single home a run in the inning before it fizzled out with bases loaded and Russell popping out to Manny Fernandez. Devin Phillips then drew a leadoff walk in the fourth, and Moreno would walk the bags full with ex-Coon Jesse Stedham and Rick Salek drawing free passes, too, but again he was spared *major* damage when Juan Garcia grounded out to Trevino to keep three aboard. Not the greatest display, but comparing it to Bernie on Monday it wasn’t necessarily disqualifying him from 2041 Opening Day starter discussions…

While the Raccoons did absolutely nothing and Nick Valdes was grumpy and hogging the peanuts that were normally on the table in front of the TV, Nelson Moreno finally got the leadoff man out in the fifth. Russell then hit a 2-out single and Phillips hit a 2-run homer. Oh well, shucks, you can’t expect to win against the worst offense in the league, huh? Moreno ended up pitching six and walking as many, and was firmly on the way to an L. When he left the game, the Coons had all but two hits off Josh Brown, and were generally not worth talking about. Brown tired in the eighth and was yanked after walking Maldonado, but while Cosmo singled off Hennessy, Manny Fernandez popped out. And that was about it. 3-0 Crusaders. Maldonado 1-1, 2 BB;

To top off the good news, Cosmo left the game in the ninth inning with a tweaked hammy, but Dr. Padilla assured us that it wasn’t a bad injury and he might be as good as new in a few days.

Oh well, we can lose with him, we can probably also lose without him…

Nick, you’re flying home? – Yeah, for us it was also a pleas… He slammed the door hard, Slappy.

Oh well, we could lose with him, we could probably also lose without him…….

Game 3
NYC: RF Salek – SS J. Garcia – 2B Briones – CF Besaw – C D. Phillips – 1B Rudd – LF Caccianemici – 3B Stedham – P Lush
POR: 3B Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Kilgallen – RF Greenway – 1B Salazar – 2B Nickas – P Sabre

Both teams had only two base hits apiece in the first five innings of a rainy Wednesday afternoon game. Sabre held the Crusaders away, while the Coons happened to get Kilmer and Kilgallen aboard with a walk and a double, respectively, in the bottom 2nd, and then Greenway doubled them in for a 2-0 lead. On to the sixth, with Sabre seeing Salek and Garcia reach on bloop singles, walking Briones, and, oh, nobody out. Besaw struck out, but Phillips zinged a ball up the middle for a 2-run single. Rudd struck out, and Arnauld Caccianemici grounded out to right, but the lead was obviously gone.

Maldonado gave the Coons a new one, hitting a leadoff jack to right in the bottom 6th. Lush walked the next two, Kilmer hit into a fielder’s choice, but Kilgallen was nicked to stack the bags for Greenway, who already had a big knock in the game, but now struck out. That left business to Salazar, who actually managed to contain his animalistic urge to flail and strike out, and laid off Lush’s garbage for a bases-loaded walk and his third career RBI (while batting a mighty .156). Nickas flew out to right, ending the inning. Sabre completed the seventh, then was removed with his spot leading off the bottom of the inning and him being on almost 100 pitches anyway. Berto hit a single off lefty Bill Herrmann in his stead, Hunter reached, but was removed in a fielder’s choice that put runners on the corners for Kilmer with two outs. Kilmer slapped a pitch to left, through a lunging Stedham, for an RBI single, 5-2, but Kilgallen popped out, leaving two aboard.

Top 8th, Jermaine Campbell immediately put Crusaders on the corners. Brent Clark replaced him, surrendered a run on Tom Rudd’s sac fly, but kept it 5-3 with the whiskers still above the waterline. Now, the Raccoons had used Rico Sanchez in the ninth inning of Tuesday’s loss, and the Crusaders would cart up Stedham, a pinch-hitter, and Salek in the ninth. Barring a pinch-hitting orgy for somebody other than Bill Herrmann in the #9 hole, that was two left-handers for Clark to face. Clark remained in the game, thus, but Sanchez was readying. Clark retired Stedham and Herrera, but then walked Salek. Sanchez thus appeared with the tying run aboard in light-hitting shortstop Juan Garcia, who reached on an infield single, then saw Briones, who ripped a game-tying, 2-run double. I howled like a mortally wounded dog, Besaw grounded out, and Bloedow sent the game to extras, where Francisco Pena somehow wasn’t instantly blasted out of the park in the top 10th, and the bottom 10th saw Kilmer reaching against Bloedow, and stealing a base, his first steal in four years. Kilgallen was nicked, Greenway walked, and there were three on and one out for … Salazar. Conventional wisdom demanded that Oliver Anderson hit for him. Anderson then slapped a single up the middle, ending the game. 6-5 Coons. Kilmer 2-4, BB, RBI; Anderson (PH) 1-1, RBI; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Sabre 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K;

Raccoons (36-36) @ Blue Sox (38-33) – June 21, 2040

This was the makeup game for last week’s rainout. The first two games in the set had been split. The Sox were still first in runs scored, and still had the worst pen. At least we had Ryan Bedrosian (5-0, 2.18 ERA) going for us against right-hander Geoff Whitehouse (5-4, 3.05 ERA).

Cosmo wasn’t back in the lineup yet, but on the other hand the Sox had just lost Billy Bouldin (.303, 0 HR, 25 RBI) to plantar fascitis, so it wasn’t like we didn’t all have our issues.

POR: 3B Ramos – CF Maldonado – LF Fernandez – C Morales – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 2B Nickas – P Bedrosian
NAS: 2B Encinia – RF J. Sullivan – LF S. Ashley – CF Oliver – 3B Critzer – 1B Monge – C Canas – SS Mazzarella – P Whitehouse

Bedrosian struck out three in the first two innings, reaching 100 for the season, with the mark being attained with a K to Jason Mozzarella. Offensive support was graciously absent, with Berto in the first and Hunter in the second hitting leadoff singles, both being doubled off right away. At least Sean Ashley hit into an inning-ending double play in the bottom 3rd after Juan Encinia had singled and Jon Sullivan had drawn a walk.

After four scoreless, the Raccoons got a leadoff double from Troy Greenway in the fifth. Anderson walked, and despair manifested in a bunt being called for NICKAS rather than Bedrosian, who was at least a .200 hitter – thus was the reasoning of a doomed team. Nickas promptly bunted into a force out at third base, after which Bedrosian singled to center. Anderson feigned going home, causing Brian Oliver to rush his throw and firing the ball away, actually allowing Anderson to score, while Nickas (grumbles) and Bedrosian moved into scoring position for Berto, who popped out, and Maldo, who flew out to center. Such a good team!

Top 6th, Manny hit a leadoff single, stole second, and was singled home by Greenway. The inning actually saw the Blue Sox load the bases, then get Bedrosian to strike out to strand three. The Sox also had the bags full in the sixth, with Encinia’s single, Ashley’s double, and a walk to Oliver doing the trick. Brad Critzer popped out to Anderson for the second out, and while I fully expected Danny Monge to exact terrible revenge on us for two unhappy seasons times three, he popped out to Nickas, and Nickas didn’t even drop the ******* ball or anything. Berto made it 3-0 in the seventh, scoring in an inning that saw little more than two clumsy walks by ex-Coon Antonio Prieto and a wild pitch on top of it. Bedrosian still looked fine at this point, at least until he gave up a homer to 34-year-old career nothing Jason Mozzarella. Encinia then singled with two outs and Cory Cronk (eyes flash red) walked, bringing in Chuck Jones to face Ashley, by far the most powerful hitter on the Sox. Those Sox played dirty and sent right-hander Chance Bossert to pinch-hit, and he promptly whacked an RBI single before the inning fizzled out with a grounder to second, the Raccoons now up 3-2. Top 8th, Donovan Mason pitching, Ed Hooge hit a 2-out triple in the #9 hole, then scored when Mozzarella cheesefingered Berto’s grounder for an error. WHATEVER WORKS!! Berto stole second, but Maldonado struck out. Alex Ramirez then handled the 4-2 lead in the eighth, with Campbell getting the ball in the ninth, after Sanchez had been out twice in a row with little success. Joe Graf ripped a leadoff triple to center, Encinia hit a bloop RBI single, and the tying run reached scoring position with nobody out on a ******* wild pitch. Campbell walked Santa Cruz, after which the handbrake was applied and Brent Clark got into the game. Not because lefty bats were coming up – no, I just ******* COULDN’T STAND SEEING CAMPBELL ANYMORE!!! Bossert poked an 0-2 into a double play, shifting the tying run to third base. From there, Clark plated him with a wild pitch.

(has a mild stroke)

8-5 Raccoons. Fernandez 2-3, 3 BB, 2 RBI; Greenway 2-6, 2B, RBI; Hooge (PH) 1-1, 3B; Kilmer (PH) 1-1; Bedrosian 6.2 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 6 K;

…

(whiskers twitch)

(blinks and sees Dr. Padilla holding a slice of bacon under his pointy black nose)

Dr. Padilla. Mmm. Nom. Bacon. (gobbles) Dr. Padilla, what happened. Did the lights go out? – Dr. Padilla says the Coons won in ten after slapping five singles and drawing two walks for four runs off the terrible Sox pen. Then Garavito gave one back in the home half.

Do you have more bacon, Dr. Padilla? (gets another slice) Aw, Dr. Padilla, you’re the (gobbles) best doctor we ever had!

I am not quite sure though whether Jermaine Campbell will live to see me voiding his team option.

Raccoons (37-36) @ Knights (37-34) – June 22-24, 2040

The Knights were fourth in the South, only 3 1/2 games out of the lead. They were third in runs scored and seventh in runs allowed, with a +31 run differential (Coons: -6). We had lost two of three to them in the first set of the year.

Projected matchups:
Angelo Montano (1-2, 3.26 ERA) vs. David Farris (1-3, 4.05 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-7, 4.82 ERA) vs. Brad Santry (9-4, 3.48 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (0-2, 4.08 ERA) vs. Jimmy Driver (4-7, 4.05 ERA)

We’d get all their right-handers and none of the two southpaws.

Game 1
POR: CF Maldoado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – 1B Anderson – P Montano
ATL: CF N. Velez – 2B Matos – LF Inoa – 1B Krumholz – C Horner – 3B B. Moore – SS Majano – RF Hester – P Farris

No shutout for Montano this time – he was taken apart for three hits, two walks, and two runs in the first inning. Zachary Krumholz singled home Nelson Velez to get Atlanta on top initially, but was at least kind enough to get himself thrown out at third base on Bill Moore’s single. The Knights added four more in the second inning, with Farris hitting a home run off Montano (the shame…), with the whacking continuing relentlessly with another four base hits and three more runs. With the game likely lost already, Montano pitched another 2.2 innings until an Alex Majano single finally ended his outing in the bottom of the fifth, at which point the Raccoons sat on five hits and two double play grounders.

The Critters wouldn’t score until the eighth inning, when Tony Morales hit a homer to right with Fernandez on base, cutting the gap to 8-2. Two more runs had been beaten out of Francisco Pena in the bottom of the seventh inning. Pena remained in for the bottom 8th, which went over without quite as much pain. Greenway and Anderson reached base against Matt May in the ninth. Hoogey struck out in the #9 hole, hitting for Pena, but Maldonado slapped a homer to left when the team was down to their last out. Getting a new pitcher sweaty was their only success, though, with Trevino ending the game by lining out to Majano. 8-5 Knights. Maldonado 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Anderson 3-4;

Letting Francisco Pena (3.98 ERA), a thoroughly frustrating pitcher, take more abuse in the eighth inning was by design. The Raccoons had already arranged his departure.

Interlude: waiver claim

On Saturday, the Raccoons’ claim on Stars right-hander David Lindstrom (1-0, 2.61 ERA, 4 SV) was executed. Lindstrom, a frequent traveler between Dallas and their AAA team in Cumming, was out of options and snatched up by the hopeless team on the Willamette. Lindstrom threw 93, with a wicked slider. Control was an issue for him… in 21 innings in 2039 for the Stars he had walked *25* batters. We’d look at him for a while and if he pulled any of those stunts, he’d be shafted back onto waivers.

Raccoons (37-36) @ Knights (37-34) – June 22-24, 2040

Game 2
POR: CF Maldoado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – 1B Salazar – P Chavez
ATL: CF N. Velez – LF Inoa – 2B Matos – 1B J. Garcia – 3B B. Moore – RF Hester – C Krumholz – SS N. Clark – P Santry

Tony Morales doubled in Maldonado with a banger off the fence in the first, but the Knights got Luis Inoa on base with a single, then two 2-out RBI doubles from Jose Garcia and Bill Moore to take a 2-1 lead right away. But we hadn’t seen nothing yet. Bernie walked Santry (…) in the second inning, then gave up back-to-back TRIPLES to Nelson Velez and Inoa. While Maldonado scored in the third on a Matos throwing error, I counted the number of available pitchers and reasoned that I should intentionally bludgeon Bernie to death before the fifth inning, given that we were in a long string of games without an off day.

Problem was, he was begging for it, allowed three walks and two hits in the third inning, and another three runs. And it only remained 7-2 because SANTRY lined out to a leaping Tony Hunter midway through the masscare. After Matos led off the bottom 4th with a sharp single, Chavez was yanked. Mauricio Garavito, just as ripe for fermenting, loaded the bases with a single and nailing Krumholz, but somehow found his way through without conceding a run. Next was the guy that had just come off waivers and was thus the freshest of them all. Lindstrom faced Santry first, allowed a single, then walked Velez on four pitches (cackles madly). Garcia would hit an RBI single, 8-2, but that was all the hard damage done in THAT inning. He issued another walk and another hit in the sixth, but wasn’t scored upon then. Ramirez gave up a run in the eighth, though. Was anybody still counting, actually? 9-2 Knights. Maldonado 3-4; Ramos 2-4;

…!

Game 3
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – LF Hooge – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – 1B Salazar – P Moreno
ATL: CF N. Velez – LF Inoa – C Horner – 2B Matos – 1B J. Garcia – 3B B. Moore – RF Hester – SS Majano – P Driver

Nelson Moreno asked me before the game whether I believed in him finally winning a big-boy game today. I answered him honestly.

Three singles by Cosmo, Hooge, and Kilmer, all three left stranded when Greenway grounded out. Typical first inning. Nelson Moreno meanwhile ticked one item off the bucket list at least, hitting a double in the top 2nd for his first major league hit. Of course nobody was on base, and Hunter couldn’t be arsed to score him, either. While Moreno walked one and whiffed three in the first two innings, but at least didn’t get splattered all over the state, the Raccoons had the bags full once more in the third inning, and with a run already in! Cosmo had led off with a single, stolen second, and had scored on Kilmer’s sac fly after an infield single by Hoogey. Greenway and Berto both walked with two outs against Driver, bringing up none other than Damian Salazar, hitting .150-something with remarkable precision. He popped out foul, stranding another set of three, while the Knights singled Moreno to death in the bottom of the inning. Majano, Valez, Adam Horner, and Matos all dropped in a ball, and two runs scored for a 2-1 Atlanta lead.

The Knights had two singles in the fourth and a Horner double in the fifth, but notably didn’t score; however, that was for the defense finally doing SOMETHING. Moreno added only one more strikeout through five after getting three early. While the brown-clad team did nothing worth writing home about offensively, Moreno retired the 6-7-8 batters in order in the sixth, then gave up a leadoff single to Neil Clark in the bottom of the seventh. A wild pitch ensued, followed by a walk to Velez. A full-count walk to Inoa loaded the bases, and the curtain came down. Brent Clark replaced him and got two grounders, one for a force on Inoa at second, and another for a double play, ending the inning for the cost of one run, putting Portland down 3-1.

Kilmer knocked out Driver with a leadoff single in the eighth. After Greenway grounded out, Berto singled home the runner off Vinny Ramirez. Salazar struck out, and Manny Fernandez hit a drive into the gap that was obnoxiously caught by Mike Dahl. Jermaine Campbell got the ball for the bottom 8th, conceding the run on a walk and two singles, and it cost a lot of resolve to not beat him to death with his own underwear in the clubhouse after the game. Top 9th, down by two against righty Raul de la Rosa; Hunter walked, but Cosmo whiffed. Maldo singled to center, putting the tying run on base. Hooge flew out to Luis Inoa. And Kilmer hit a liner to center… but again Dahl was there and ended the game. 4-2 Knights. Trevino 2-5; Maldonado 2-5; Hooge 2-5; Kilmer 2-4, RBI;

In other news

June 19 – TIJ SP Zach Warner (3-5, 4.80 ERA) is out for the year on account of a torn labrum.
June 22 – SFB INF Sergio Barcia (.240, 6 HR, 43 RBI) will miss up to a month with a strained lat.
June 23 – Topeka INF/LF/RF Felix Marquez (.306, 8 HR, 41 RBI) has suffered torn ankle ligaments and won’t be back before August.

FL Player of the Week: CIN 1B Jamie King (.313, 15 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .500 (11-22) with 2 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB C Robbie Sailas (.213, 6 HR, 29 RBI), batting .545 (6-11) with 3 HR, 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

So, we already lost the season series to the Knights (1-5) and while this team has been hapless all year, rarely have they been so hapless as during this weekend sweep. Every aspect of the game was executed in the worst way. And Nelson Moreno soaking another loss for six-plus innings and three runs on Sunday might have been the best part.

No wins in regulation. And the two wins in extras were preceded by excruciating ninth-inning cockups. Good job, boys!

We’ll hit Charlotte on the way home, then lose at home until the All Star Game, hosting the damn Elks, Loggers, and Titans.

Fun Fact: 32 years ago today, the Thunder’s Alex Lindsey no-hit the Bayhawks in San Francisco in a 6-0 game.

Eventually known as a journeyman right-hander, Lindsey was still a rookie when he accomplished the feat on June 24, 2008. He had been with the Thunder in 2006, but had posted a 6.12 ERA, and was in the minors for all of 2007. In 2008 he made 18 starts for the team, putting up an 11-4 record with a 3.23 ERA.

Unfortunately that was about as good as it got. Inconsistent results soon saw Lindsey relegated to swingman duty, and also traded out of town. He would cycle through Topeka three times during a career with nine stops, never holding down an important job for long. Nevertheless, he pitched in the majors through his age 40 season, even though by then he only got replacement gigs. For his career, he made it into 414 games (96 starts) with a 64-55 record, 4.43 ERA, and nine saves. He struck out 719 against 388 walks in 1,062.1 innings.

[Questdog]

I think after this week, we can toll the official death knell of the season....

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

I think after this week, we can toll the official death knell of the season....

My vote goes out to the Dominy injury, but we all have our individual tolerances.

*hcks!*

(tries to toast with three-quarters empty bottle of Capt'n Coma, but falls off the chair instead)

[Westheim]

Raccoons (37-39) @ Falcons (43-32) – June 25-27, 2040

Monday’s motivating thought – no matter what grim monstrosities the Falcons would do to the Raccoons in this midweek set, it would get ten times worse against the damn Elks on the weekend. (turns to the ruffled old fellow with the beard reaching almost to his shoes, serving a thick steaming liquid out of a buckled thermos outside the Falcons’ ballpark) Make that a double, please.

The Falcons were leading the South, scoring the second-most runs in the Continental League and pitching “adequately” with the sixth-most runs allowed. They had a +47 run differential. Their pen ranked in the bottom three, though. In the season series against the Raccoons, the Falcons had a claw up, leading 2-1.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (5-5, 3.24 ERA) vs. Jose de Lucio (4-1, 3.19 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (5-0, 2.21 ERA) vs. Ernie Quintero (6-8, 4.06 ERA)
Angelo Montano (1-3, 4.88 ERA) vs. Rafael Pedraza (7-7, 4.07 ERA)

With Jose Lerma on the DL, the Falcons had only right-handed starters left over.

Game 1
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Hooge – SS Hunter – 3B Ramos – 1B Anderson – P Sabre
CHA: 2B Farfan – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – LF Esperanza – CF J. Reyna – RF C. Robinson – 3B A. Rojas – P de Lucio

The Falcons reached third base in the first two innings against Sabre, once with Jose Farfan bunting his way aboard, stealing a base, and then being deserted of support, and once with 2-out singles by Chris Robinson and Alfredo Rojas, but then de Lucio popped out. However, the first run was the Critters’; Oliver Anderson singled to lead off the top 3rd, was bunted over by Sabre, and scored on a Maldonado single. Cosmo and Manny then made poor outs. A run was tacked on in the fourth, with Tony Morales singling to center to begin the inning. Crucially, de Lucio threw a wild pitch to Tony Hunter, making Hooge’s and Hunter’s groundouts enough to plate Morales, 2-0. The Falcons countered with a Ruben Esperanza homer in the bottom of the inning, narrowing the gap to one run again, but Anderson led off the fifth with a gapper for a triple, and Sabre smacked a single past Tony Aparicio to score him, 3-1. Maldonado legged out an infield hit after that, but three poor outs in a row stranded those precious runners. More precious runners came in the sixth, though with Hunter and Ramos. They pulled off a double steal against easily-distracted de Lucio, then scored on a wild pitch and sac fly, respectively. That was it for offense for either time for the time being. Sabre made it through seven innings, and things looked dandy at least for a day… at least until good ol’ boy Alex Ramirez made a save opportunity out of it in the ninth, giving up a longball to Farfan with two outs, then putting Justin LeClerc on base, too. Rico Sanchez came in, got a grounder from Tony Aparicio that Kilgallen – in for defense, by the way – flubbed for an error, and SOMEHOW the game didn’t explode with Mitch Cook batting; Cook struck out. 5-2 Coons. Maldonado 2-5, RBI; Anderson 2-3, 3B, RBI; Greenway (PH) 1-1; Sabre 7.0 IP, 8 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (6-5) and 1-2, RBI;

What do you mean, Dr. Padilla, “Raffaello Sabre is hurting”? – But he won the game! – I won’t hear no thing about injuries anymore!!

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – CF Maldonado – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – 1B Anderson – 2B Kilgallen – P Bedrosian
CHA: 2B Farfan – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – LF Esperanza – CF J. Reyna – RF Coca – 3B A. Rojas – P E. Quintero

While the Coons were retired in order the first time through, the Falcons had a smattering of hits against Bedrosian in the second inning, plating two runs on an Alfredo Rojas single to take an early lead. Berto would reach base with a leadoff single in the fourth, stole a sack, and then was deserted by good fortunes, but Tony Hunter made it to the board in the fifth with a leadoff jack to right. Anderson and Kilgallen then singled, going to the corners with nobody out, at least until Anderson did a funny dance on the base with a calf cramp that required removal from the game and replacement by Damian Salazar. Kilgallen was then caught stealing, Bedrosian struck out, and Berto somehow snuck a single through the right side, tying the game. Then he was caught stealing, too.

Hunter hit a double in the seventh, but that inning ended with Bedrosian striking out and no runs scored. Bedrosian kept pitching finely, and so maybe the Raccoons could finally line him up for a W in the eighth (giggles). Berto drew a leadoff walk, then went to third on Maldo’s single. Fernandez’ fly to center was good enough for a sacrifice and a 3-2 lead, and Morales walked, but neither Greenway nor Hunter could get anything countable on the board anymore. Come the ninth, the score was still 3-2, with Rico Sanchez allowing a leadoff double to LeClerc. Neat. Maldonado, now at third base, handled Aparicio’s grounder for an out that crucially also kept the tying run at second. Cook struck out, and Esperanza whacked a single to right, plating LeClerc and reducing another Bedrosian W to a warm handshake and better luck next time. Chris Robinson also singled before Tony Coca struck out, sending the game to extras, where, facing right-hander Nick Wright, Steve Nickas was now leading off in the #1 hole, because who would have thought of the Coons blowing another Bedrosian lead? Like, that had never happened! At all! In the universe! … (looks grumpy) Nickas drew a leadoff walk. He made it to second on a Maldo grounder, then scored on Manny’s single to right-center. The inning ended quickly after that. Brent Clark got the 4-3 lead in the bottom 10th, walked Alfredo Rojas leading off, then got a 6-4-3 from rookie catcher / first-sacker Chris Kokoszka. Farfan struck out. 4-3 Critters. Ramos 2-3, BB, RBI; Nickas 0-0, BB; Hunter 2-4, HR, 2B, RBI; Bedrosian 8.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 7 K;

Alright, uh… first career save for Brent Clark. And if Rico Sanchez kept honking around like this, he might end up being recycled at the scrap metal shop next to the ballpark in Portland, being traded in for a toaster.

Then, the damage report. The Coons dodged a bullet with Sabre, who was diagnosed with a sore back, and would probably miss one start, but not more than that. The bad news was that we needed a spot starter on Saturday.

Anderson could barely walk, but would be day-to-day with the cramp, which was expected to go away in a few days. This granted an extension to Damian Salazar’s big-league adventure. I had been about to send him back to AAA with his .143 average and .456 OPS in 49 PA, but he’d now get another start or two at first base before being purged.

For Sunday, Brent Clark was a potential spot start option – he had the stamina and some crappy tertiary stuff and might survive five innings against the damn Elks. Or we could exchange Salazar for a spot starter early, on Friday/Saturday, have that poor bum scorched for seven by the damn Elks, and scooch everybody else back a day, with Sabre dropping to the end of the line.

What a wealth of options on a decisively crummy team!

Game 3
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 1B Salazar – 3B Ramos – P Montano
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF Salto – CF Coca – P Pedraza

After Maldo and Cosmo singles to begin the game dissolved in Manny’s lineout to short and Kilmer’s 6-4-3 grounder, Troy Greenway opened the scoring with his monthly homer to left-center in the second inning. Montano was off the rolls though and couldn’t get anybody out. He walked three in the bottom of the inning, in addition to two meaty hits and gave up a 3-spot. Taking Pedraza’s bunt to third base with no chance to get Esperanza there was also not the best decision. That loaded the bags with one out, and Oscar Aguirre then drove in a pair with a single to flip the score. Another run scored on a groundout. Montano barely *survived* four innings, walking six batters in total and being excused from further misery after 96 pretty miserable pitches, but no more than the three runs from the second inning.

Not much happened in the middle innings, with Lindstrom pitching two innings in relief, walking a pair in a game that kept being frustrating. He was then pinch-hit for in the seventh with one out and the tying runs in scoring position against Pedraza after a single by Salazar (!) and a double by Berto. Tony Morales’ drive to left was caught by Esperanza for a sac fly, 3-2, but Maldo whacked a 2-out double to right-center to tie the game and take Montano off a well-deserved hook. Cosmo grounded out to Aguirre to end the inning. Bottom 7th, Mauricio Garavito conformed that he was also ripe for recycling, allowing two hits and a 2-out walk to the opposing pitcher, which grinded my teeth like nothing else in this game. With the bags full, Jermaine Campbell replaced him, somehow getting a grounder to Tony Hunter to strand all the runners. Even Campbell was surprised, but not as surprised as me.

This game, too, went to extras, with neither team even reaching second base in the eighth and ninth innings. Kilgallen, inserted in the #9 hole after a double switch, and Maldonado opened the 10th with singles off Mike Simcoe, going to the corners with nobody out. Then Cosmo struck out and Manny Fernandez hit into a double play and nobody scored. Somehow Alex Ramirez survived walking a pair in the bottom of the inning, so the Raccons would get more chances to fail miserably. By the 12th inning, the Critters arrived at Brent Clark again, ending the option of feeding him into the Elk-shaped meat-mincer. He also walked the bags full facing Paul Vespucci, Aguirre, and LeClerc, with Aparicio’s 1-out grounder not thrown home in time to prevent a walkoff. 4-3 Falcons. Maldonado 3-5, BB, 2B, RBI; Anderson (PH) 1-1; Lindstrom 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 1 K; Ramirez 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 1 K;

The Raccoons walked FIFTEEN batters in this game. I like a good team effort, but this…. THIS!! … That’s six on Montano, three each on Ramirez and Clark (who at least got the loss), two on Lindstrom, and one on Garavito. Jermaine Campbell ad Chuck Jones would get the golden banana for facing at least three and volunteering none of them to first base.

Raccoons (39-40) vs. Canadiens (51-27) – June 28-July 1, 2040

Please, god, no, help. No, Maud! – I don’t wanna! – But I don’t wanna! – But I DON’T WANNA!!

Fine. (puts on brave face) The damn Elks were first in runs scored, first in runs allowed, first in starters’ ERA, first in many things overall, and first in crunching the Critters especially, having played them eight times this season and yet having to chalk up a loss. And I was not quite sure how to survive this series.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (2-8, 5.33 ERA) vs. Matt Sealock (10-2, 2.19 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (0-3, 4.18 ERA) vs. Jordan Calderon (6-4, 3.39 ERA)
TBD vs. Eric Weitz (7-3, 2.83 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (5-0, 2.22 ERA) vs. David Arias (7-6, 4.27 ERA)

Calderon was the only left-hander coming up. And, Dr. Padilla, did you find anything, in your medicine cabinet and in your heart, to make me sleep 96 hours straight? – No? – Shame.

Game 1
VAN: LF Foss – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – 1B J. Lopez – SS Sibley – 3B R. Ashley – P Sealock
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – SS Hunter – RF Greenway – 1B Salazar – 3B Ramos – P Chavez

Bernie struck out three in the first inning… while walking Aaron Foss and giving up an RBI triple to Jerry Outram. In the second inning he walked Johnny Lopez to begin things, then waved for the trainer, and with that everything shattered into a thousand pieces again. After lengthy investigations on the mound, Bernie was found out to be in need of replacement by Dr. Padilla, and the Raccoons hoisted a pair of white underpants immediately and sent out Mauricio Garavito, who had no chance of not getting flogged into oblivion by these damn Elks. They whacked him for four straight singles, including Sealock, and four runs on five hits in total (one run sticking to Bernie) in what immediately could be chalked up simply as “0-9”.

The rest of the game was bread-and-butter desolation. Garavito was strafed for another three runs in the third inning, then sent for composting. While the Raccoons’ offense did NOTHING, Jermaine Campbell played unlikely hero, pitching four scoreless innings in long relief to at least bring the end of the game into mere sight. Only in the bottom 7th did the Raccoons get two runner on base at once (Hunter, Greenway), with Berto shoving a 2-out RBI single through the right side. Hah-hah, Sealock! Sucker! NO SHUTOUT FOR YOU!! … Kilmer hit for Campbell, singled to load the bases, and Maldonado uncorked a bases-clearing double to knock Sealock from the game altogether. Raymond Pearce retired Cosmo to end the inning. In a sign of clear defeatism, the Raccoons sent their closer into a 4-run loss in the ninth inning, and didn’t see him emerge from it until they were losing by five runs. Josh Boles pitched in the bottom 9th for the damn Elks, but left with a shoulder twinge that would require a week or two of rest. Paul Medvec allowed singles to Nickas and Ramos and a sac fly to Hoogey, but that was all the rally in the home team. 9-5 Canadiens. Nickas (PH) 1-1; Ramos 3-4, RBI; Kilmer (PH) 1-1; Campbell 4.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Uh-huh. – Yes. – Okay. – I understand, Dr. Padilla. – Oh just put them in here. – (rolls eyes) *Fine*. – (watches Dr. Padilla drop two headache pills into an empty glass) I can always add the booze afterwards.

(claps paws together) Alright! – First, we’re ******. Second, Bernie goes to the DL with an oblique strain. Like that’s gonna fix 2-9 with a 5.46 ERA. He won’t be back before August.

Did I mention we’re ******?

Roster moves galore thus on Friday. The Raccoons put Bernie on the DL and deported Damian Salazar (.137, 0 HR, 3 RBI) to St. Pete. Dr. Padilla said there was no real chance to have Sabre pitch on the weekend, so we needed a spot starter anyway, and would go for it on Friday. We called up right-hander Ryan van Campenhout, who had been on the roster earlier this year without getting into a game, to help out in the burned-out pen, while the actual spot start would go to left-hander Sal Lozano, the other half to Alex Ramirez in the Cuban duo we had signed this last winter. Lozano was 0-3 with a 2.72 ERA in swingman duties in AAA, which hints at the sort of replacement level batting we have down there.

Lozano would start on Friday right away, then be immediately exchange for the next poor sod sacrifice in an attempt to appease the baseball gods. He was not a permanent solution for a gaping hole in the rotation that was already being patched by Angelo Montano and a somewhat-underdone #8 prospect in Nelson Moreno, who had his start pushed to Saturday, ahead of Bedrosian, who in turn would go on regular rest on Sunday.

Game 2
VAN: LF Foss – 1B J. Lopez – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – C Clemente – RF R. Phillips – SS Cabral – 3B R. Ashley – P J. Calderon
POR: 3B Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Kilgallen – 1B Anderson – RF Greenway – SS Nickas – P S. Lozano

While a Manny Fernandez homer put the Coons up 1-0 in the first, Sal Lozano’s bushy moustache confused the damn Elks at least once through the lineup, but he walked three runners in the third inning and in between allowed a run on Outram’s RBI double. Timóteo Clemente grounded out with the sacks full to end the inning. He was taken deep for a solo shot by Ryan Phillips in the fourth, although Jeff Kilmer matched that feat, keeping the game tied at two, in the same inning. Jerry Outram continued the exchange with a blast of his own in the fifth, putting the damn Elks on top again, 3-2.

Five innings was all there was to get from Lozano, which was already more than rightfully anticipated. The game was still within reach even! Brent Clark followed on with a scoreless sixth, although Foss reached base with a leadoff single in the seventh. Clark got two outs, including a K on Outram, the old pest, while Foss reached third on a stolen base and a grounder. Lindstrom came in to face the right-handed Glenn Sprague, walked him, then gave up Clark’s run on a solid single to right by Clemente, 4-2. Sprague hurt himself running on that play, needing replacement by Ross Sibley, not that we cared. Phillips lined out to Nickas to end the inning. The game came apart for good in the eighth then, with Lindstrom still pitching. Ramon Cabral whacked a leadoff double, and Ray Ashley’s grounder was thrown away for two bases by Trevino. Two well-placed outs scored Ashley, 6-2. After a drab bottom 8th, van Campenhout’s debut occurred in the ninth against the meat of the order. Outram and Sibley both lined out hard before Clemente hit a jack to left. Phillips walked, but Cabral grounded out to short. The Coons then went down without much fuss against Natanael Abrao. 7-2 Canadiens. Kilmer 3-4, HR, 2B, RBI;

Sprague (.213, 5 HR, 44 RBI) was off to the DL with a tender hammy, which was certainly not going to solve the Coons’ inability to win even ONE ******* GAME from the damn Elks.

Lozano was sent back to AAA after the game. The Raccoons then called up right-handed outfielder Scott Daiker, hitting .236 in AAA. He had been in Portland for 13 games in ’38, hitting .219 then.

Game 3
VAN: LF Foss – 1B J. Lopez – CF Outram – RF R. Phillips – C Clemente – 2B Sibley – SS Cabral – 3B R. Ashley – P Weitz
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – C Morales – 1B Anderson – LF Hooge – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – P Moreno

Not normally religious, I prayed feverishly to the baseball gods that they wouldn’t let undo harm come unto my precious prospect on Saturday.

Maldonado hit a sac fly in the first after Hunter and Cosmo set up camp at the corners, but nobody could be found to score Trevino. Ryan Phillips whacked a leadoff double to left-center in the top 2nd, moved up on Clemente’s grounder, and scored on Sibley’s sac fly to get the game tied again. Ed Hooge hit a leadoff jack in the bottom of the inning, and then Berto reached with a walk. He stole second, Moreno hit a shy single to get runners on the corners with one out and – … then they choked. Hunter struck out, Trevino popped out.

Top 4th, Lopez began the inning with an infield single as I was biting into my fist for an excess of tension. Phillips walked with one gone, but Clemente popped out and with two outs Sibley singled to center. The ball was right into Maldonado’s catapult and Lopez was not a fast runner and easily thrown out at home plate when the damn Elks sent him, ending the inning. In turn, Troy Greenway socked a homer to right in the bottom of the inning. Two in one week?? Who ARE you??? … and Berto hit a triple right after that. Nels hit *another* single, 4-1, and Weitz walked Hunter and conceded a single to Cosmo, with Moreno held at third base, loading them up for Maldo with one out. And the best batter the Coons had right now shanked the ball to short, six, four, three, nada. While Moreno ran a few long counts by the middle innings, which wasn’t something we liked to see, he at least still got outs … and another at-bat in the bottom 5th, then with Greenway and Ramos in scoring position and two outs, with Ed Hooge having already been singled in by Berto. Moreno hit ANOTHER single, scoring two runs, and by now I was going bonkers, jumped up and down before pouncing onto the trusty brown couch, shaking an otherwise stoic Slappy, ran twice around the table, and finally grabbed Cristiano and smooched him on the lips so hard, he’d roll in circles for three days…! THE COONS!!

The inning ended with Hunter, and the Elks whacked Moreno for three hits and two runs in the sixth, narrowing the gap to a slam, because joy is always instantly punished by the baseball gods. Moreno would be gone after a Ray Ashley single in the seventh, but Chuck Jones kept the runner on base. Hoogey brought improved length with a second solo shot off Raymond Pearce in the bottom of the inning. It was enough – Ramirez and Clark would handle the final two innings without an accident. 8-3 Raccoons!! Trevino 2-5; Hooge 2-4, 2 HR, RBI; Greenway 2-3, BB, HR, RBI; Ramos 2-3, BB, 3B, RBI; Moreno 6.1 IP, 7 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, W (1-3) and 3-3, 3 RBI;

(wears a stupid grin for the rest of the day)

By Sunday, the damn Elks had traded for the Bayhawks’ 2B Dan Schneller (.282, 14 HR, 42 RBI) like they needed more offense or something. They parted with part-time outfielder Miguel Reyna (.258, 3 HR, 20 RBI) and #46 prospect Nelson Garcilazo, probably a lights-out closer down the line.

They also tweaked their pitching staff and moved left-hander Alexander Lewis (3-2, 3.51 ERA) back into the rotation and right into the mix on Sunday.

Game 4
VAN: LF Foss – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Schneller – 1B J. Lopez – SS Cabral – RF DeVita – 3B R. Ashley – P A. Lewis
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – SS Hunter – 1B Kilgallen – 3B Ramos – RF Daiker – P Bedrosian

Maldonado lasted one inning before injuring himself on a defensive play, which was a good move by the baseball gods in wiping away all joy and leave nothing but regret for having gone into baseball rather than Uncle Horace’s upholstery business in general, and for having left bed this morning in particular. Hoogey replaced him, then hit into a double play after Bedrosian’s leadoff single in the bottom 3rd. Lewis then glitched Cosmo and Manny on base, Kilmer hit an RBI single for the first marker on the board, but Hunter’s fly to deep left was taken by Foss. Johnny Lopez tied the game with a homer off Bedrosian then, after the latter had allowed only two hits in the first three innings. That was it for runs through five, with Cosmo and Manny reaching with two outs in the bottom 5th again, but this time Kilmer flew out to Marc DeVita.

Kilgallen hit a double in the sixth that led nowhere nice, while Bedrosian was grounded into an eventual exit in the seventh in multiple long counts, two walks, and finally a full-count strikeout to Ashley to strand runners on the corners. Mind, this was still a tied game and the Raccoons now had to tackle Lewis in the bottom 7th to give him a win. (chuckles) Yeah, sometimes I can’t believe what I’m saying myself. The Raccoons amounted to no more than a 2-out walk by Fernandez in the inning, and Bedrosian remained no-decisioned. David Lindstrom then rapidly applied for the loss with a pinch-hit double by Sibley to begin the eighth, a walk to Foss, and eventually a sac fly by Outram, the wicked devil. The Raccoons did not threaten in the bottom 8th, while Tim Zimmerman got a fly out from PH Oliver Anderson to begin the ninth. Greenway hit for the pitcher, Ramirez, in the #9 hole and zinged a double, though, bringing up the winning run in Ed Hooge, who flew out to Outram, and Cosmo, who ripped the first pitch into the outfield, where it found the gap between Outram and DeVita and tied the ballgame …! Manny walked, but Kilmer flew out to Alex Perez in left, bringing about extras *again*.

The Coons were sort of short on pitchers here; they turned to Rico Sanchez in a triple switch that removed Manny Fernandez from the game, with van Campenhout the only rested alternative in the pen. Sanchez immediately gave up a screaming double to Clemente in the 10th, then a single to right to Outram. Clemente was sent, but thrown out at home plate by Greenway, with Outram scurrying to second base. The bags then filled up with a walk to Schneller and a Lopez single. The pitching coach went out to inform Sanchez that this was his own mess and nobody was gonna come and rescue him. Cabral’s soft fly did not yield a run. DeVita’s 2-out single and Matt Roberts’s double sure did, two each. 6-2 Canadiens. Trevino 3-4, BB, 3B, RBI; Fernandez 2-2, 3 BB; Grenway (PH) 1-1, 2B; Bedrosian 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K and 1-3;

In other news

June 26 – The Knights beat the Loggers, 12-3, while scoring all of their runs in the sixth inning against unlucky Carlos Padilla (4-7, 5.53 ERA), Tony Rivas (0-1, 3.14 ERA), and Arnie Terwilliger (1-1, 1.71 ERA).
June 28 – DAL LF/CF/3B/2B Jake Trawick (.307, 4 HR, 38 RBI) is out for the season with a torn labrum.
June 29 – Warriors SP Tony Galligher (5-1, 3.31 ERA) 2-hits the Stars in a 4-0 shutout.
June 30 – MIL SP Joe Feltman (8-5, 3.95 ERA) walks no fewer than six Titans, but Boston never lands a base hit in their 4-0 defeat to the Loggers. Feltman’s is the first no-hitter of the year and the fifth for the Loggers. It comes just over one year after their previous no-hitter, Sal Chavez’ over the Pacifics.

FL Player of the Week: SAL 1B Bill Jenkins (.318, 9 HR, 45 RBI), hitting .520 (13-25) with 2 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: VAN OF Jerry Outram (.326, 12 HR, 53 RBI), hitting .419 (13-31) with 1 HR, 10 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: CIN 1B Jamie King (.321, 17 HR, 53 RBI), batting .357 with 7 HR, 23 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: VAN OF Jerry Outram (.328, 12 HR, 52 RBI), swatting .364 with 5 HR, 27 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: SAL SP Phil Harrington (10-1, 2.00 ERA), twirling for a 5-0 record with 1.45 ERA, 50 K
CL Pitcher of the Month: VAN SP Matt Sealock (11-2, 2.36 ERA), tossing at a 5-0 rate with 1.83 ERA, 40 K
FL Rookie of the Month: PIT OF Manny del Toro (.220, 3 HR, 28 RBI), hitting .264 with 1 HR, 14 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: IND OF Nick Crocker (.273, 1 HR, 19 RBI), batting .277 with 1 HR, 12 RBI

Complaints and stuff

1-11! I want Nelson Moreno to father my children!!*

(slams paw on desk) I don’t want to hear it, Dr. Padilla!! You’re getting paid to make that work! Think of something!! – (Cristiano sits nearby and grins stupidly)

By the way, Dr. Padilla, any news on Maldonado? – No? – I know that sorrowful look, Dr. Padilla, you always have that one when you secretly consider amputation to get it over with!!

Sabre could maybe pitch on Monday already, but we’ll send Montano out on Monday instead and Sabre on Tuesday. They will both make two starts before the All Star Game, and while Sabre is probably a long shot to be an All Star, pitching him on Sunday would prevent him from taking part, instead allowing us to get him back working quicker after the break. We need his pitching more than he needs the All Star Game honors and fluff. – (Sabre pokes his fudge-smeared snout out of a corner, blinking slowly)

No replacement starter is to be expected in a trade or some other wicked scheme. We spent almost all our budget already and I’d rather go shopping for 16-year-old Dominican boys, with the international free agent signing period officially beginning on Sunday.

Fun Fact: Former Loggers no-hitters include the one tossed by Michael Foreman on April 13, 2018 against the Crusaders.

That was before his brief and abortive stint with the Raccoons in 2021, a year in which they would not compete. We had signed him to a 2-year deal that February, but with things falling apart sent him back to the Loggers near the deadline. That trade yielded Jarod Spencer as the best among three players, with “best” meaning a barely-replacement level .300 batter, somehow, that would gobble up almost 4,000 plate appearances, somehow.

So while Foreman only ever pitched in 21 games for the Coons, we turned him into 1,001 games of mediocre hitting, and that doesn’t include the 194 games given to the second-best thing in the deal, outfielder Greg Borg, a .218/.276/.300 hitter that never got a gig after his Coons days were over.

+++

*It was not his debut, but that game on Friday surely reminded me of the famous (in Mets lore at least) Matzie game against the Reds during the dire stretches of 2015)! That was fun!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (40-43) vs. Loggers (38-44) – July 2-5, 2040

The time of the annual four-and-four had arrived, this time featuring the Loggers. Neither team had anything to play for, just drearily looking at the 80-odd games’ worth of string they had to play out, including 14 against each other. The season series was even at two games apiece against the fourth-place team in the North, with the Loggers sitting sixth in runs scored, eighth in runs allowed, but tops in bullpen ERA and stolen bases.

Projected matchups:
Angelo Montano (1-3, 5.14 ERA) vs. Sal Chavez (5-8, 4.59 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (6-5, 3.11 ERA) vs. Alfredo Vargas (7-7, 3.13 ERA)
Sal Lozano (0-1, 5.40 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (2-8, 5.51 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (1-3, 4.20 ERA) vs. Joe Feltman (8-5, 3.95 ERA)

Only right-handers to be had from the Loggers at this point. The Raccoons lined up Sal Lozano for Wednesday to start instead of Bernie Chavez, who was stowed away on the DL until August, but Lozano was not on the roster as the week began (we still carried eight relievers and four starters at this stage). Lozano had just been demoted again after a *decent* debut against the damn Elks, but would be recalled for the Wednesday gig. Brent Clark had been in the running for the spot start, but he had never started above single-A and it would have ruled him out for the rest of the week… if we had been looking for somebody just ahead of the All Star Game, Clark would have been it.

While the Raccoons were without Jesus Maldonado as the week began, the Loggers had made a minor trade sending out infielder Bob Cruz (.269, 0 HR, 0 RBI) to the Knights for a catching prospect.

Game 1
MIL: CF Ronan – 1B Zitzner – 3B Paul – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – RF Valenzuela – SS Yoshioka – 2B V. Acosta – P S. Chavez
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – 1B Anderson – P Montano

If the start of the series opener was any indication, it would be a long week. Joseph Ronan reached with a bloop single just behind a stretching Enrique Trevino. Travis Zitzner – that guy – legged out an infield single. Jared Paul hit a single to left – except that it hit Ronan in the leg as he travelled second to third, and the lead runner was out that way. Montano glitched Felipe Gomez on base with a walk after Justin Nelson’s groundout, then saw Danny Valenzuela fly out to strand the bases loaded, which was not a common occurrence. Instead Portland took a 1-0 lead with a Cosmo double and Tony Morales’ RBI single in the bottom 1st; not that Montano held it for long – Ronan tripled home Victor Acosta with two outs in the top 2nd to tie the game. Zitzner then flew out to center. Portland regrabbed the lead immediately; Hunter singled, Anderson doubled, Montano hit a sac fly, and Berto an RBI single with two outs, before Cosmo rolled out to Kenta Yoshioka at short. Bottom 3rd, Tony Hunter logged a 2-out RBI single as the Coons hit three soft knocks off Chavez, while in the fourth Montano opened with a gapper for a leadoff triple (!) before being scored by Berto’s groundout, 5-1.

Montano didn’t make it through six, though, being smattered around for 11 base hits, including three in the abortive sixth that scored a run on an Acosta single. PH Nick Duncan walked after that, loading the bases with the tying runs for the .317 hitter Ronan. Chuck Jones came in to face the left-hander, gave up a run-scoring infield single (…!), then was exchanged for Jermaine Campbell, who gave up a boom of a drive to Zitzner, that SOMEHOW failed to fly into the Willamette, but instead came down in Greenway’s glove on the warning track, ending the dismal inning with Portland still up 5-3. The Critters then loaded the bases in the bottom 6th against Tony Rivas; Berto walked, Morales singled with two outs, and Hoogey was nicked. Greenway plated two with a single through the left side, while Hunter struck out. This time, the 4-run lead stood up – Campbell had a sort of clean seventh, Mauricio Garavito did not get impaled in the eighth either, and while he put Ronan on with a leadoff single in the ninth, he was then helped out by Ryan van Campenhout, who got a double play from Zitzner (hah!) and finally a pop out to end the game. 7-3 Coons. Morales 3-5, 2B, RBI; Hooge 2-3; Hunter 3-4, RBI; Daiker (PH) 1-1;

One of those games where nobody could get a batter out – teams combined for *29* base hits (no homers among them), with Portland ahead 15-14. All Critters in the lineup had at least one base hit. For the Loggers only Chavez and Nelson (0-for-5) went without one.

Game 2
MIL: CF Ronan – LF J. Nelson – SS Del Vecchio – 3B Paul – RF Duncan – 1B Cannizzard – C H. Alvarez – 2B Yoshioka – P A. Vargas
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – 1B Anderson – P Sabre

The Raccoons had three singles (Cosmo, Manny, Hooge) in the first inning, as well as two stolen bases (Cosmo, Manny) and two runs on the board. However, to say that Sabre wasn’t sharp would have been a bit of an understatement. He basically continued where Montano had left off, not getting anybody out. The Loggers had a single and a walk in both of the first two innings, then just singled him to death in the third, in which they scored three runs. Of course dismal Ted Del Vecchio was the first Logger to single in a run, plating Nelson in the top 3rd. Kenta Yoshioka then added two more with two out. Ronan and Del Vecchio singles and a Greenway throwing error made it 4-2 Milwaukee by the fourth…

Bottom 5th, Portland stacked the bags with Berto, Manny, and Kilmer with one out against Vargas. Ed Hooge hit a sorry roller that nobody could play (boy, were there two losing teams on display here…!) for an RBI single, while Greenway, down 4-3, hit the first pitch he caught a glimpse of into a ******* double play. Sabre struck out Vargas to begin the sixth, except that Kilmer bumbled the ball and Vargas reached first base on the uncaught third strike, at which point my blood pressure reached new heights. Ronan’s single and a walk drawn by Jared Paul filled the bases, with Sabre yanked for Brent Clark in a double switch at that point (which also had the nice side effect of getting Scott Daiker into the game instead of miserable Troy Greenway). Duncan popped out easily to Manny in shallow left, ending the inning. Clark would log six outs, then leave in another double switch that took out Trevino for Lindstom and Nickas, with Justin Nelson popping out against the righty to end the top 8th. The score was still 4-3 at that point, but the Coons loaded the bags with nobody out and nothing more than Hooge, Nickas, and Hunter to work with in the bottom 8th. Anderson bounced into a force out at home plate before salvation came from Daiker, who hit a sac fly to score Nickas and wipe the L off Sabre’s line. Berto hit another shy single to stock the bases to capacity for … well, necessarily a pinch-hitter. Tony Morales grabbed a stick, grounded to Tim Cannizzard (who?), who fumbled the ball in awful fashion, and that allowed Tony Hunter to score with the tie-breaking run. Nobody on the trusty brown couch reacted in any way – the scene was too surreal. New pitcher Oscar Perez then came in against Manny Fernandez to stop the bleeding, but gave up a real blast – GRAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

That wasn’t even it; Kilmer singled after the slam, Hoogey hit another 2-run blast, and the inning only ended with Nickas whiffing. Campy Ryan (is that a good nickname? Cristiano chuckled) shut down the Loggers after that 8-run riot. 11-4 Raccoons. Ramos 2-5; Trevino 3-4; Fernandez 2-5, BB, HR, 5 RBI; Kilmer 2-5; Hooge 4-5, HR, 4 RBI; Clark 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

(looks around the trusty brown couch) I think none of us is reacting yet.

Van Campenhout was sent back to AAA after two games of faithful contest-finishing service to make room for Sal Lozano.

Dr. Padilla also came back to report wrist tendinitis as Maldonado’s ailment, which ruled him out for the rest of the week, but made a DL assignment unfeasible given that he’d miss another 4-game set against the Loggers after the All Star Game. The Raccoons would continue to soldier on one guy short for the last five games before the break here. Since Lozano could be dispatched again after this second spot start in a row on Wednesday, and the Critters didn’t need a fifth starter again until July 21, an extra outfielder could be called up at our pleasure.

Game 3
MIL: RF Cannizzard – CF Ronan – 3B Paul – SS Del Vecchio – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – 1B Duncan – 2B V. Acosta – P Piedra
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 2B Kilgallen – P Lozano

Four straight singles off Lozano by the Ronan-through-Nelson section of the Loggers’ order gave them a 2-0 lead right away, and while things did get better for Lozano after that, they certainly didn’t for the offense. Piedra scattered but three singles through five innings and the Raccoons never even touched third base in that time. Lozano found an actual groove at one point and kept clicking away Loggers effortlessly. In fact, after the first inning he allowed only two more singles, and – bizarrely – none of them to a position player. (blinks slowly)

Lozano was done after seven in the textbook definition of what would count as a well-pitched loss (six hits, two runs, no walks), with the Raccoons apparently unwilling or unable (but likely both) to do anything much. Berto happened on base to begin the eighth, with Piedra lifted for lefty Trevor Corrigan at that point. Hunter popped out, but out of the blue Manny Fernandez ripped an RBI double that suddenly put the tying run in scoring position, an event for which nobody in the ballpark was prepared. Then Morales singled him in, tying the game in which the Raccoons so far had only visually taken part.

The game ended up in extras, where Alex Ramirez allowed two hits and a walk to fill the bases and the Raccoons couldn’t turn two on a simple Felipe Gomez grounder, allowing the tie to be broken. Duncan struck out to strand a pair, while Manny Fernandez led off the bottom 10th with a single off right-hander Gualter Cymbron. Morales struck out. Hooge grounded out. Greenway struck out. 3-2 Loggers. Ramos 2-5; Hunter 2-5; Fernandez 2-5, 2B, RBI; Kilgallen 2-4; Lozano 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 5 K;

A warm handshake later, Sal Lozano (0-1, 3.75 ERA) was back off to St. Petersburg. Brad Ledford, hitting .294 with three homers with the Alley Cats, came up as additional outfielder.

Game 4
MIL: LF J. Nelson – 1B Zitzner – SS Del Vecchio – 3B Paul – RF Duncan – C F. Gomez – CF Cannizzard – 2B V. Acosta – P Feltman
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – CF Hooge – C Morales – RF Ledford – LF Daiker – 1B Anderson – 3B Kilgallen – P Moreno

Nelson singled off Nelson to begin the game, which was just a neat tidbit to throw in since Zitzner remained just as crisply clutch as he had been with the Critters and jammed a grounder into a double play immediately. Nelson however also walked Nelson in the third inning, leading off on top of that, and conceded that run on a Jared Paul single. That was the first marker on the board. The Raccoons had given days off to Manny Fernandez and … well, who else did anything of value here…? …making this a bit of a throwaway game. Sorry, Nels – baseball is cruel and knows no sons nor daughters.

The Paul RBI single was the only run-scoring event through five with the Raccoons again pristinely helpless. Moreno was taken apart in the sixth on Del Vecchio and Duncan doubles, as well as Cannizzard and Acosta singles that scored a total of three runs, burying him so deep only the tips of his fuzzy ears were poking out of the mound anymore. It wasn’t *all* bad, but it certainly wasn’t great as he went 6.2 innings for four runs, whiffing six. Far worse was the offense, which even when Morales and Ledford opened the seventh with singles, immediately proceeded to a double play spanker by Daiker. (turns to the scout guy) Who are these people, scout man, and why do they keep ruining games?

When the Coons did get on the board, it was the eighth again and it was as sudden and unexpected as the last time out. Manny drew a pinch-walk in the bottom 8th, hitting for Garavito in the #9 hole. Feltman then hung one to Tony Hunter, and Hunter hit it over the fence, cutting the gap in half, 4-2. Cosmo and Hooge, however, immediately busied themselves with grounding out to Acosta, twice. Chuck Jones struck out the side in the ninth, but there was no rally to speak off in the bottom of the inning. The Coons only reached base when Gualter Cymbron nicked Greenway, hitting for Daiker against the right-hander, with Anderson then grounding out to short. 4-2 Loggers. Ledford 2-4, 2B;

Raccoons (42-45) vs. Titans (47-38) – July 6-8, 2040

Even the Titans were already 10+ games out, so the division might just as well be called now, which would save everybody a lot of bother. Wickedly, the Raccoons were 5-4 against Boston so far, so if you factored in their 1-11 record against THAT OTHER TEAM, they were pretty much aiding and abetting evil in the division… Boston was fifth in runs scored and third in runs allowed. They also had both their catchers on the DL, and had just lost outfielder Moises Avila (.239, 8 HR, 34 RBI) for the year with a torn labrum. “Graveyard” Gill was also out for the season.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (5-0, 2.16 ERA) vs. Leonhart Becker (6-3, 3.50 ERA)
Angelo Montano (2-3, 5.08 ERA) vs. Javy Santana (8-7, 3.39 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (6-5, 3.28 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (6-8, 3.65 ERA)

SAUERKRAUT!! – So we meet again! … (drives claws into the desk) … He’d be the only left-hander to face this week.

Game 1
BOS: SS Gil – RF J. Davis – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B A. Zacarias – C Duryea – 2B Bunyon – 3B Woodall – P Becker
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – 1B Kilgallen – RF Greenway – CF Daiker – SS Nickas – P Bedrosian

While scoring against Sauerkraut was pretty much hopeless every time he came around, Bedrosian tried his very best to nip a 1-0 win, knowing he’d have to hit a homer to get that done. The Titans would go to the corners against him in the third and fourth innings, but both times only got that far with two outs. John Davis and Donovan Bunyon popped out poorly, respectively. Sauerkraut also tried to stir up some trouble, singling to center in the fifth inning, but got no support from those around him. The sixth was where it came apart for Bedrosian, with stuff and control going away at the same time. He walked a pair, but got out when the Titans popped out some more, giving him a 4-hit shutout through six, but also over 100 pitches, and he was thus hit for in the bottom 6th, especially with his spot leading off the inning against Sauerkraut. Hunter grounded out, so did Berto, but Cosmo singled with two outs. Manny flew out to center, and a sauer-looking Ryan Bedrosian had his 69th no-decision of the season…

Bedrosian soon enough bit a hole into the dugout railing when the Raccoons DID score after a scoreless top 7th by Alex Ramirez. Kilmer somehow tumbled on base, and Matt Kilgallen hit a jack to left-center, out of the blue. Even Sauerkraut couldn’t believe it, while Bedrosian kept hanging from the railing firmly clenched between his jaws, and his whiskers and striped tail nervously twitching. Clark and Lindstrom got through the Titans in the eighth with only a walk issued by Clark, after which Lindstrom got two pops to Cosmo from Alex Zacarias and Michael Duryea. In the ninth, Sanchez retired the first two before Ivan Pena singled past Kilgallen. Antonio Gil, however, struck out, and the Raccoons slayed the Sauerkraut demon …! 2-0 Raccoons. Trevino 2-4, 2B; Kilgallen 2-3, HR, 2 RBI; Bedrosian 6.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 5 K;

Game 2
BOS: RF J. Davis – SS Gil – CF Vermillion – 1B A. Zacarias – LF W. Vega – C Duryea – 2B Bunyon – 3B Woodall – P Santana
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Fernandez – C Morales – LF Ledford – 1B Anderson – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – P Montano

The Titans took an instant lead before they made an out against Montano, who walked John Davis before Fernandez missed a Gil double to center. Davis circled around, drew a throw that was late and ill-advised, moved Gil to third, and cost another run on a Mark Vermillion single, 2-0. That inning somehow ended without Montano being skinned, dried, and turned into a handbag, while even more impressive, the Coons tied the game in the bottom 2nd. Greenway hit a homer to right, Hunter also reached base, stole second, and Montano came up and ripped a double into the corner in leftfield, tying the game at two. Berto then grounded out. Then Montano walked the bags full in the third, and gave up a homer to Zacarias for a ******* grand slam.

That was this game about over with; another run fell out of Ramirez in the fourth inning and then the Titans cruised while the Raccoons got somebody on base to lead off an inning, and then immediately hit into a double play, twice, in the middle innings. Bottom 7th then, Anderson and Greenway landed hits to begin that inning, but Hunter automatically grounded to short. At least he legged out the return throw to break up the double play… Jeff Kilmer hit for Garavito in the #9 hole, but was held to a sac fly by John Davis in right. Then Hunter was caught stealing… The Critters never got another guy on base after that… 7-3 Titans. Fernandez 2-4; Greenway 2-3, HR, RBI; Jones 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

Game 3
BOS: SS Gil – RF J. Davis – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B A. Zacarias – C Duryea – 2B Toney – 3B Bunyon – P Willett
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – SS Hunter – 1B Kilgallen – P Sabre

Mike Toney hit a home run in the second inning with Duryea having walked ahead of him, Willie Vega hit a home run in the third with nobody on base, and while Matt Kilgallen hit another solo homer in the same inning, the Raccoons trailed 3-1 after three, then shortened that to 3-2 in the fourth when Greenway hit *another* home run. While Sabre laid off completely imploding for just a little while longer, he also drew a 1-out walk off Willett in the bottom of the fifth. He got forced out by Cosmo, who was then caught stealing, but Kilmer hit a third home-team solo jack and the fifth homer in the game off Willett in the sixth, tying the game at three. That was Jeff Kilmer’s 10th homer on the season.

Donovan Bunyon ripped a double off the wall to begin the seventh inning. Sabre, looking dismayed with himself for good reasons, handled Willett’s walk, then was replaced with Clark for the top of the order. Clark surrendered the go-ahead run with no fuss on a Gil single, the first run in the game to score on something other than a jack. The Critters survived a Lindstrom appearance in the eighth that saw a leadoff walk to Zacarias and three screaming liners that were somehow all caught, then put Manny and Kilmer aboard with a pair of singles to begin the bottom 8th. Then they went pop, K, pop, ending the inning in no time. Rico Sanchez kept the Titans from scoring any tack-on runs in the ninth, with right-hander Gilberto Castillo out for Boston in the bottom of the ninth. Anderson struck out. Tony Morales hit a single to center in the #9 hole. And Berto got the Raccoons into the break with a 6-4-3 double play grounder. 4-3 Titans. Fernandez 2-4; Kilmer 2-4, HR, RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1; Morales (PH) 1-1;

In other news

July 2 – Warriors 1B Brent Rempfer (.207, 5 HR, 14 RBI) hits a home run off SAL SP Joe Dishon (6-6, 3.78 ERA) for the only base hit in the Warriors’ 5-1 loss to the Wolves.
July 2 – The Crusaders win both ends of a double-header with the Titans with come-from-behind walkoffs; New York’s 1B Doug Levis (.250, 6 HR, 26 RBI) hits two home runs, including the 11th-inning walkoff, in a 7-6 win, while OF Rich Salek (.208, 1 HR, 5 RBI) ends the second game with a sac fly in regulation for a 3-2 win. Boston blew ninth-inning leads in both games.
July 3 – ATL SP David Farris (3-4, 3.97 ERA) and CL Raul de la Rosa (2-2, 3.65 ERA, 18 SV) pitch a combined 1-hitter against the Aces, with only catcher Danny Gomez (.246, 3 HR, 21 RBI) landing a single in the Aces’ 3-0 loss.
July 3 – The Falcons beat the Bayhawks, 3-2, in the 15th inning on doubles by MR Adam Jaggers (1-for-2, 0 HR, 0 RBI) and RF/CF Tony Coca (.254, 6 HR, 29 RBI).
July 4 – The Knights’ Brad Santry (12-4, 3.04 ERA) strikes out ten Aces in a 3-0 shutout over Las Vegas.
July 6 – SAC INF Paul Laughren (.220, 4 HR, 24 RBI) will be out three weeks with a broken rib.
July 7 – The Indians trade CL Alex Banderas (3-1, 1.51 ERA, 17 SV) to the Blue Sox for three prospects.
July 8 – The Crusaders send 1B Doug Levis (.239, 6 HR, 26 RBI) to the Aces for OF Jose Platero (.221, 3 HR, 7 RBI).

FL Player of the Week: PIT CF/LF Kevin Burch (.269, 6 HR, 20 RBI), hitting .379 (11-29) with 5 HR, 9 RBI
CL Player of the Week: MIL SS/2B Ted Del Vecchio (.291, 12 HR, 46 RBI), batting .500 (11-22) with 2 HR, 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Another meh week down, only 12 more to go. And then give or take a couple of years to piece something together that will be worth watching.

Although we actually scored more runs than we conceded, thanks to that mostly unearned Loggers meltdown on Tuesday. And without Maldonado participating in a single game…!

Two All Stars this year; Ryan Bedrosian is an obvious choice, even though the sucker never wins a game. He will be a first-time All Star just like Chuck Jones, who silently put up a 1.04 ERA.

The Raccoons shopped three international free agent pitchers this week, spending $166k on the trio. I would point out one guy in particular, 17-year-old right-hander Kevin Hitchcock from … Maud, how do you pronounce that…? – “Schrecksbach”, in Germany, which is apparently a place, and which means Scare Creek.

That’s right! You heard that correctly! I got ourselves our own Sauerkraut!! The Titans will never know what hit them!!

Fun Fact: Right-hander Alex Miranda led the Continental League in walks in both of the first two seasons, including as a Raccoon in the inaugural 1977 season.

Miranda went 9-17 with a 3.38 ERA – hinting at some problems with offense on the early Coons – and walked 136 batters against 120 strikeouts in 261 innings of work. He was traded to the Condors after the season, and also pitched for the Wolves and Indians in a 13-year career. Control would never come to him; even for his career he walked more than he struck out: he was a 145-166 pitchers with a 3.72 ERA and 1,301 walks against 1,270 strikeouts, but somehow still made two All Star Games.

The Raccoons’ haul in the trade to the Condors included Jorge Romero, Cam Green, and a guy that never saw daylight, so didn’t immediately serve to lift the Critters from the early-days darkness.