Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

2039 AMATEUR DRAFT

After having seen most of the Raccoons’ 18 innings played on this day, and all of their zero runs scored, I hissed at the Scorpions and Falcons GMs when they were the first to greet me in the hall of League HQ, then weaseled my way straight to the draft room, asked for a coffee from an attendant, and spiked it with one of those life-saver, pocket-size Capt’n Coma bottles. Scout Guy insisted on showing our hotlist to me again, but I wasn’t in the mood to discuss any of them. They were all gonna suck anyway. All of them always sucked anyway!

The Raccoons had the #20 pick in every round for the 2039 draft, no extras.

We had 102 players on the shortlist (including five 2-way players, although none of them was an interesting starting pitcher to begin with, and only two were actually included in the shortlist both as pitcher and hitter), and Scout Man had come up with a hotlist of a dozen or so players again (* high school players):

SP Kevin Nolte (13/16/13) *
SP Jeff Johnson (13/12/11)
SP Corey Mathers (12/13/9)
SP Eric Jacobson (11/14/15) * - BNN #8
SP Bobby Campbell (11/12/13)

CL Aaron Durham (20/14/11)
CL Jesse Beggs (18/13/10)

C Dan Whitley (9/11/18) – BNN #4

INF/RF Ronnie Thompson (16/4/20)
3B/SS Matt Waters (11/10/10) * - BNN #9
SS Josh Jackson (11/10/10) – BNN #7

OF/1B Alex Marquez (9/10/8)
OF Dave Lee (10/11/14) – BNN #2

Nolte was that budding clubhouse cancer type that would probably not fall to #20 anyway. And if he did – why not take him. It’s not like anything could get any worse anymore!

Ronnie Thompson went first overall to the Gold Sox, which was not such a massive surprise, to be honest. After that it was a Kevin, but not Nolte, with Kevin Clendenen, another starting pitcher, to the Pacifics at #2. The Aces took outfielder Mike Roberts at the #3 position. Nolte’s time came at #4, with the Bayhawks pouncing. Dan Whitley (Thunder), Jeff Johnson (Crusaders) went next, and the Buffos took Dave Lee at #8, followed by Matt Waters being snatched #9 by the Knights. Alex Marquez went at #11 to the Rebs, immediately followed by Josh Jackson to the Scorpions, so that was all our hotlisted position players gone.

Next up the closers were yanked, with the Titans getting Durham at #13, and the Rebels hauling in Beggs at #15. Finally, Jacobson went away at #19, drafted by the Stars, which left the Raccoons with Corey Mathers and Bobby Campbell on their hotlist, both college right-handers. They were both groundballers, they were both mixing an arsenal without a standout pitch, and neither of them made puppets of their teammates. The Raccoons settled on Mathers, who had the better academic record, hoping to get a smart guy, but not too smart for his own good. Campbell ended up with the damn Elks at #24, the poor thing.

+++

2039 PORTLAND RACCOONS DRAFT CLASS

Round 1 (#20) – SP Corey Mathers, 20, from Wauwatosa, WI – right-handed groundballer with four pitches, none outstanding, but it was a good mix and there was promise that his 93mph sinker, slider, and forkball would at least reach above-average level. Good stamina, good kid.
Round 2 (#59) – CF/RF Chance Middendorf, 18, from Brooklyn, NY – very good defensive centerfielder with good speed and wide range, but no power in the bat; has a very keen eye though and is seen as a potential top-of-the-order player and the Raccoons will take a Chance.
Round 3 (#83) – 3B/RF/1B Brian Snyder, 18, from Sacramento, CA – drafted primarily for the power potential, because finding a position for him could be challenging. Plays all infield positions for his school, most of them badly, and while he has a bit of arm strength, it’s probably not enough for third or rightfield, either. Probably going to end up at first base. But – power potential!
Round 4 (#107) – INF/LF Josh Rella, 22, from Elizabeth, NJ – dawdles around playing middle infield for Seton Hall, when he should take his 96mph fastball for a spin instead. Complementary slider for conversion to a relief pitcher.
Round 5 (#131) – LF/RF/1B Gregg Throndson, 22, from Alexandria, VA – lefty corner outfielder without much power potential. Also has a piercing stare that follows you into your dreams.
Round 6 (#155) – 2B/SS Marshall Otte, 18, from Webster, TX – very good defensive middle infielder with OBP potential and excellent baserunning skills, but no power whatsoever.
Round 7 (#179) – SP Wayne Allsup, 20, from Hampton, VA – solid mix of fastball, slider, changeup, but his stamina is too low for an efficient starter; sort of like Antonio Donis, before he became a Hall of Famer elsewhere, and without even that much skill.
Round 8 (#203) – SP Hector Periera, 19, from Mayaguez, Puerto Rico – left-hander with a lot of things going on; first, an interesting slider, but he also only threw 89 and control and stamina were all issues, too…
Round 9 (#227) – 2B/3B Harrison Szot, 19, from San Dimas, CA – probably more of a second baseman with a so-so arm, and once more no power but decent speed in the package
Round 10 (#251) – MR Josh Fuller, 21, from Bellevue, WA - *some* stuff on this right-hander with the 90mph heater and a slider, but also some serious control problems…
Round 11 (#275) – SP Bobby Ellis, 17, from Pontiac, MI – this year’s Nick Brown Memorial Pick’s most impressive trick is throwing a curve so high the batter gives up on it before it beans the umpire on top of the head. 85mph fastball!
Round 12 (#299) – C Jason Emerson, 22, from Issaquah, WA – a catcher so stereotypical that I find it hard to make fun of his complete lack of pace or power.
Round 13 (#323) – INF D.J. Dart, 21, from Neville Township, PA – squiggly infielder with no hitting prowess whatsoever. Some pitchint potential there with a 91mph fastball and a sinker and slider that fail to impress. Will also be converted to a righty pitcher.

+++

Of course we also had to make room in the system. A number of former draft picks were axed, including 2036 Nick Brown Memorial Pick Judson Nelson. Turns out not all of them can become new Nick Browns!

Also gone in no particular order: C Brad Selleck (2034, 7th Rd.), 3B/SS Travis Skiba (2033, 8th Rd.), MR Daniel Masson (2037, 7th Rd.), a couple of scouting discoveries, and maybe a scuffed trophy from dumpster diving or two.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (36-32) vs. Indians (27-42) – June 20-22, 2039

Here was another team that was just terrible and would look the Raccoons just as bad. The Indians were last in runs scored (3.4 per game), and also last in runs allowed (4.9 per game). Their run differential was -96. And the season series was even at three.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (3-6, 4.13 ERA) vs. Alex Flores (0-0, 0.60 ERA)
Drew Johnson (4-4, 4.14 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (5-5, 4.42 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (4-6, 3.54 ERA) vs. Jake Jackson (4-7, 3.68 ERA)

Southpaw in the middle of this 3-game set. Flores was replacing an injured Joe Robinson (3-4, 4.64 ERA). He was a 24-year-old rookie that had started the year in AAA, where he had posted a 5.66 ERA in five starts before making a start and four relief appearances in the majors.

For the Raccoons, Ed Hooge was still day-to-day with back problems, but Jesus Maldonado’s suspension had run its course.

Game 1
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – LF Trawick – SS D. Serrato – 2B Madrid – P A. Flores
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – C Kilmer – LF Ledford – SS Maldonado – P Chavez

Dan Hutson hit his 14th homer to put the Indians up 1-0 in the first, which casually reminded us that Troy Greenway had sort of run cold over here. The Raccoons pulled even in the second on a throwing error by Jose Madrid as the Indians melted with a leadoff single for Oliver Anderson, a wild pitch, and a walk issued to Jeff Kilmer. Maldonado was walked intentionally to fill them up for Bernie Chavez, who hit a sac fly to right to take a 2-1 lead for himself. The top of the order was not helpful, ending the inning on a pop and a grounder… and then Pat Dodson tied the game with a solo shot in the third. And you didn’t think that was the last one, huh? Elliott Thompson, fifth inning, two outs and one on, boom, 4-2 Indians.

And that wasn’t the last one either. Dave Serrato found an acorn in the sixth, hitting another solo homer off completely inside-out, barely-good-enough-as-letterweight Bernie Chavez. Flores doubled off him, Mario Ochoa singled, and Prieto struck out Hutson to finally end the dismal inning, now down 5-2 and you can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Dodson instead homered off Prieto to start the seventh, his 15th, and now taking the team led away from Hutson. But the series was still long, who knew who’d hit another three off the Raccoons’ rancid staff? The collapse continued with four runners and one run off Dennis Citriniti in the eighth, and by the way, we were not glossing over Raccoons’ offensive accomplishments here. There were none to report against a bloody rookie in his second start that had gotten ripped and beaten in AAA. Only in the eighth did the Coons reach scoring position again with singles by Berto and Cosmo to open the inning. Manny Fernandez hit into a double play. Greenway singled home Ramos, and that was about it. 7-3 Indians. Ramos 2-3; Greenway 2-4, RBI;

That was the end for Citriniti (5.70 ERA), who ended up on waivers. The Raccoons promoted Jose de Leon for bullpen work; the righty had made three starts in ’38 for Portland, going 1-1 with a 4.24 ERA. He was only 23 and still developing, but also had more walks than strikeouts in AAA in a starting role.

Game 2
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – LF Trawick – SS D. Serrato – 2B Madrid – P Terwilliger
POR: 3B Ramos – CF Maldonado – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – SS Williams – LF Ledford – 2B Caskey – P D. Johnson

Dan Hutson hit another solo homer in the first, and it was now 6-0 in bombs in this series… for the Arrowheads. That aside, offense was light on Tuesday, with three hits in five innings off Drew Johnson, while the Raccoons had only two until a pair of 2-out singles by their 8-9 hitters in the bottom 5th. They went to the corners for Berto, who grounded out sharply to Dodson. While Johnson soldiered on, the Raccoons got a 2-out runner on an error when Greenway reached on Dodson dropping his liner in the bottom 6th. Out of the blue, Danny Monge then hit a home run to right off Terwilliger, flipping the score. It came so unexpected, I didn’t know how to react and instead squeezed Honeypaws tighter. Johnson held on through seven before being hit for with Caskey on base in the bottom 7th, but Cosmo flew out easily. Indy reached the corners in the eighth against Chris Miller, with Jake Trawick and Dave Serrato amounting to a single and a walk, respectively, but then were stranded. Jermaine Campbell closed out the game just fine. 2-1 Raccoons. Monge 2-3, HR, 2 RBI; Caskey 2-3; Johnson 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, W (5-4) and 1-2;

The Capitals claimed Citriniti by Wednesday, which was fine by me. He had come on waivers (from Sioux Falls in ’35), he could go on waivers…

Game 3
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – LF Trawick – SS D. Serrato – 2B Madrid – P J. Jackson
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – LF Ledford – 1B Monge – C Morales – SS Williams – P Sparkes

Portland had no hits the first time through, while the Indians had three, including David Gonzales’ right at the start of the game, but he was caught stealing by Morales. When the Critters finally made the base paths in their own right (Monge had been nicked in the bottom 2nd), they made them in numbers, with Cosmo and Greenway singling in the fourth, and Ledford reaching on a Serrato error with one out. Monge popped out to right, but Tony Morales snuck a grounder through the infield for a 2-out, 2-run single and the first markers on the board. Williams then grounded out to Madrid, who then homered off Sparkes to tie the game in the fifth. Thompson had reached on Sparkes’ own error…

Apart from that, two inept teams poked away at the other outfit that had been washed ashore for seven and a half innings, neither amounting to more than four hits or their two runs, all of which were unearned, until Bryce Sparkes hit a leadoff double to center in the bottom 8th. Well, but now, boys …! Now…! Now three ****** grounders produced three ****** outs and a stranded pitcher on third base. Mario Ochoa hit a leadoff double in the ninth, and of course scored when Elliott Thompson clipped Sparkes for a 2-out single. The Raccoons were up against Alex Banderas in the ninth. The righty rung up Greenway, got Ledford to fly out, and while Anderson singled, Morales flew out to left. 3-2 Indians. Anderson (PH) 1-1; Sparkes 9.0 IP, 8 H, 3 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, L (4-7) and 1-3, 2B;

They’re so utterly useless it is hard to find any … uh… (looks at Cristiano for assistance) – “words”! Exactly, Cristiano. Thank you.

Raccoons (37-34) @ Thunder (38-35) – June 24-26, 2039

The Thunder were middling in scoring and allowing scores, so this series was definitely beyond hope, just like the Raccoons were beyond redemption. By winning three in this weekend set, the Thunder would go to 4-2 in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 4.02 ERA) vs. Brian Frain (7-3, 2.03 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-1, 2.92 ERA) vs. Aaron Bryant (5-6, 4.79 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-7, 4.39 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (9-4, 2.30 ERA)

Again, a three-game set with the left-hander wedged between two righties.

They also had a number of injuries, including a good chunk of their lineup with Jesus Adames, Nate Shamhart, and Jose Agosto all on the DL, among others.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 1B Anderson – C Morales – SS Maldonado – P Bedrosian
OCT: LF E. Moore – 3B Martell – 1B D. Cruz – C Urfer – CF Ringel – 2B Kuhn – RF Heskett – SS Kalinowski – P Frain

Berto singled, stole a base, and came around on an error and a groundout for a 1-0 lead in the first, but it wasn’t like adversity wouldn’t find Bedrosian sooner or later. This time it was later, rather late, in the fourth, with Danny Cruz singling and scoring on Rick Urfer’s double to right, tying the game at one. The Thunder loaded them up the following inning with Jimmy Kuhn hitting a single and walks issued to Brian Heskett and Ethan Moore, but with two outs Al Martell was rung up to end the inning.

When Portland took a 2-1 lead in the sixth, Cosmo getting nicked, a stolen base, an error, and a few walks to load the bases were all involved. That particular farcical procession brought up Tony Morales with three aboard and one out and he hit a pathetic fly to center that didn’t particularly move Adrian Ringel and was barely deep enough to score Manny Fernandez from third. Maldonado popped out altogether. Bedrosian pitched seven innings of 4-hit ball, holding on to the 3-1 lead at least, and when the eighth came around Francisco Pena, who had not pitched in the Indians series, had but one job, NOT putting on Manny Vasquez in the #9 hole. Four balls put the leadoff man aboard, and David Fernandez got two poor full-count whiffs from Ethan Moore and Al Martell before Danny Cruz grounded out. Cosmo would in turn strand Monge and Williams on base with an easy fly to left in the ninth, handing the 3-1 lead to Jermaine Campbell. After Rick Urfer lined out, Ringel and Raul Sanchez slapped singles off the right-hander. Brian Heskett, batting .197, did them one better, homering to left to end the game. 4-3 Thunder. Williams 1-1; Bedrosian 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K;

Nothing in these damn flyover states but flat land, empty hopes, and the dust of teams’ past glory being blown towards ******* Nebraska.

Game 2
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 3B Caskey – CF Maldonado – SS Williams – P Sabre
OCT: LF E. Moore – 3B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Urfer – CF Ringel – 2B Kuhn – SS Kalinowski – P Bryant

The Thunder scored first, in the second inning, jumping five times on Raffaello Sabre and especially the miserable clown show around him. Only Rick Urfer’s leadoff jack was earned. Everything else was probably deserved, but unearned in the scorer’s judgment, with Jimmy Kuhn’s single and Josh Kalinowski’s full-count walk with one out being followed by a 2-base throwing error by Kilmer on Bryant’s bunt, another fumble error by Trevino on Moore’s grounder, and then a run-scoring grounder and an RBI single by Al Martell and John Marz, respectively, five runs in all, four unearned. The game was of course in the bin; **** the lone run brought in by Maldonado on three singles in the fourth inning. When Maldonado was back up in the fifth, it was with the bases stuffed with Trevino, Kilmer, the two dastardly sinners, and Jon Caskey. He grounded out to short, stranding the whole lot o’ them.

Forsaken, Sabre held his post through five innings before Ledford hit for him and singled in the sixth. Monge then hit into a double play. The Raccoons used the game to see Jose de Leon in action for a few innings. He allowed one walk but nothing else in the bottom of the sixth. In the bottom of the seventh, he gave up four hits, including a homer to Cruz, nailed a guy, and was torched for four runs before Mauricio Garavito waved a fifth across with a pinch-hit Heskett single. The inning only ended when Heskett, the despicable punk, was caught stealing by Kilmer with a nine-run lead. 10-1 Thunder. Caskey 2-3, BB; Maldonado 2-3, RBI;

I’d throw myself into one of those electrified cattle fences, but who wants to hang dead over a fence in ******* Oklahoma??

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 1B Anderson – C Morales – SS Williams – P Chavez
OCT: LF E. Moore – 3B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Urfer – 2B Kuhn – CF Heskett – SS Kalinowski – P Inderrieden

Bernie pitching? Tee-hee. Just get it over with.

The dismal Coons couldn’t score even when Bernie Chavez hit a leadoff single in the third and was balked into scoring position. In the fourth of a scoreless game, Greenway and Hooge dinked singles, Tony Morales was nicked, and Greenway was sent in blind despair when Williams popped out to center, scoring solely on a bad throw by Heskett for the first run of the game before Chavez struck out. On the other paw, there were only three hits off Chavez in the first five innings, with two of those dealt with in double play form. Then of course the Thunder had three hits in quick succession in the bottom 6th, Kalinowski and Moore and Martell all slapping singles. Kalinowski scored, and the others advanced on Fernandez’ futile throw to home plate. John Marz’ grounder to third base left them pinned, and Cruz’ easy fly to Greenway left them stranded, but the lead was gone and the Raccoons would never get another….!!

Top 7th, Morales and Williams reached base leading off against Inderrieden before being bunted over by Bernie. Berto zinged a ball past Danny Cruz for an RBI single, 2-1, and Cosmo hit a ball up the leftfield line for an RBI double. Manny’s comebacker and Greenway’s grounder to first then deflated the inning, but Bernie would get around Urfer’s double in the bottom of the inning and log 7.1 innings total before arriving at the left-handed top of the order again while sitting on 99 pitches. Garavito gave up a pair of singles to Moore and Martell, and Prieto surrendered another one to Marz, that one plating a run, 3-2. Cruz somehow bowled into a 4-6-3 when the Thunder were seconds from victory. Instead the Raccoons won, despite Campbell walking Urfer to begin the ninth inning. Heskett, who had won the game for the Thunder on Friday, lost it this time with another 4-6-3 helping. 3-2 Blighters. Ramos 2-4, BB, RBI; Trevino 2-5, 2B, RBI; Hooge 2-4; Chavez 7.1 IP, 7 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 2 K, W (4-7) and 1-2;

In other news

June 20 – Walkoff balk! LAP SP Eric McKee (3-3, 4.94 ERA, 3 SV) twitches to have Denver’s RF/LF Kyle Beard (.260, 2 HR, 22 RBI) awarded home plate for a 10th-inning, 4-3 Gold Sox win.
June 20 – NAS 3B/SS Brad Critzer (.266, 0 HR, 5 RBI) is out for a month with a broken foot.
June 22 – More than four hours of 11-inning madness between the Capitals and Rebels ends in the bottom 11th, with the Rebs walking off for a 15-14 win on an unearned, bases-loaded walk to RF/LF Jonathan Fleming (.280, 12 HR, 52 RBI) issued by Ricardo Patino (0-3, 5.26 ERA).
June 24 – The Knights acquire OF George Hawthorne (.231, 4 HR, 23 RBI) from the Bayhawks for MR Mike Simcoe (4-3, 5.76 ERA, 1 SV) and a prospect. Both main ingredients in he deal are north of 37 years old.
June 25 – CHA INF/RF/LF Jose Farfan (.312, 6 HR, 40 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak after landing an RBI double in a 10-8 loss to the Indians.
June 25 – Bone chips in his elbow will render LVA SS/2B Chris O’Keefe (.219, 3 HR, 20 RBI) out until August.
June 25 – SFB OF Mike Hall (.274, 2 HR, 16 RBI) will miss three weeks with a bruised wrist after being hit by a pitch.
June 26 – The Stars are exploded to bits in a 25-4 rout against the Cyclones, with Cincy’s Juan Brito (.254, 6 HR, 35 RBI) going 5-for-6 with a walk, a homer, two doubles, and 7 RBI. His teammate Nick Rozenboom (.316, 15 HR, 53 RBI) adds another 5-for-6 game, with a homer and a double and 4 RBI. Jamie King (.273, 18 HR, 53 RBI) both drives in five and scores five times himself.
June 26 – IND SS Dave Serrato (.267, 2 HR, 14 RBI) drives in six with a triple and four singles in a 15-6 rush of the Falcons.

FL Player of the Week: RIC RF/LF Jonathan Fleming (.276, 13 HR, 56 RBI), hitting .440 (11-25) with 3 HR, 9 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ RF/1B/LF Willie Ojeda (.334, 9 HR, 39 RBI), batting .440 (11-25) with 3 HR, 6 RBI

Complaints and stuff

What is there to say? It’s June and we’re scouring the waiver wire. By July we’ll without a doubt make use of the player shopping hotline.

It’s all in pieces and can never be glued back together.

Fun Fact: At eight games out, the Raccoons would be in seventh place in the CL South.

(gives V sign with his left paw while slowly approaching a running and aggressively grinding blender with his right)

[Westheim]

Raccoons (38-36) vs. Falcons (33-42) – June 27-29, 2039

The parade of crummy opposition continued, with no sign of the Raccoons stopping their own crumminess either. Charlotte was eighth in runs scored and ninth in runs allowed. Like the Raccoons, they basically had no bullpen to lean on. Maybe they were not quite as surprised by that fact than the Raccoons… They had a 2-1 lead in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (5-4, 3.82 ERA) vs. Keith Black (4-7, 3.14 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (4-7, 3.31 ERA) vs. Jose de Lucio (5-2, 3.96 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 3.82 ERA) vs. Rafael Pedraza (7-6, 3.87 ERA)

All right-handers here, as we’d dance around lefty sod Jose Lerma (1-9, 4.00 ERA).

Game 1
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF Aarhus – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF Salto – 1B Blades – P Black
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – C Kilmer – LF Ledford – SS Williams – P Johnson

Johnson walked the first two batters, with Oscar Aguirre and Greg Aarhus both coming around to score thanks to singles hit by Mitch Cook and Jose Farfan. The Raccoons would have Berto on base to start the bottom 1st, with Cosmo forcing him out, but stealing second base. Ed Hooge dropped a single, and Greenway dropped the inning by hitting into a 4-6-3. Next the Raccoons dropped Elijah Williams, tweaking an oblique on a defensive play. Jon Caskey took over for him, and Dr. Padilla sent word that the DL beckoned for Williams. Oliver Anderson reached on a leadoff walk in the bottom 2nd, then was doubled up by Kilmer, and things were just that – bleak.

The Falcons tacked on a run in the fourth on a Brett Blades homer, then got a free runner in Oscar Aguirre in the fifth when Hooge dropped his fly in shallow center. Johnson walked Tony Aparicio, Mitch Cook slapped an RBI single up the middle, and things were just that – spiralling out of control. And bleak. Ruben Esperanza’s 2-out, 3-run homer to right was a no-doubter both in being outta here by itself, and for ending the game as a contest, ramping the Falcons’ lead to 7-0. The entire 4-spot in the fifth was unearned, but deserved it sure was. Francisco Pena was pummeled for two more runs in the sixth, surrendering sharp hits to Black for a single and Aguirre and Aparicio for extra bases each time. The following inning Pena walked a pair before giving up 2-out RBI singles to both Black (…) and Aguirre. There was a run off David Fernandez in the ninth, like anyone cared anymore. 12-1 Falcons. Caskey 2-3; Maldonado (PH) 1-1, 2B;

Trevino stole two bags and doubled in a run that was entirely for the *** in the eighth. Everybody else was pretty much dead from the waist up.

Somehow, Jose Farfan (.305, 6 HR, 41 RBI) did not get a hit in the riot that was Monday’s 11-run blowout. His hitting streak ended with an 0-for-5 at 21 games.

Roster moves: Elijah Williams went on the DL with an oblique strain, but might only need two weeks, maybe. Or it might be terminal. I’m taking no assurances anymore. He exchanged places with Joel Hernandez, who came off the DL for Tuesday. Also, Pena (7.71 ERA) was banished back to AAA. The Raccoons took the next muppet in line, which happened to be Jared Ottinger and his 5.30 ERA in St. Pete.

Game 2
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF Aarhus – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Salto – RF C. Robinson – 1B Blades – P de Lucio
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Caskey – 2B Trevino – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – CF M. Fernandez – LF Ledford – C Morales – P Sparkes

Chris Robinson’s ball off the wall for a 2-out double gave the Falcons a 1-0 lead in the second, plating Mitch Cook from third base. The Raccoons tied the game back up in their half of the frame, with Brad Ledford zipping a 2-out double and coming around on a Tony Morales bloop near the leftfield line, but far enough away from Graciano Salto. It was a COONS LEAD in the bottom 3rd with Berto on, stealing second, and coming around on Caskey’s single. Cosmo also singled, but Greenway’s fly to center was caught by Aarhus near the warning track. Oliver Anderson hit an RBI single instead. Up 3-1, Manny Fernandez had runners on the corners while being quagmire in a 2-for-23 streak, and of course found his way into a 1-6-3 double play, ending the frame. The following inning the Raccoons were on the corners again with Ledford and Berto, when the latter took off for second and was thrown out with Caskey at the plate, ending this chance for good, and the fifth saw the Falcons tie the game with an Aguirre leadoff walk, an Aarhus single, and thanks to an errant Greenway throw, two groundouts were enough to tie the game after that… Greenway grounded out on a 3-0 pitch in the bottom 5th to make the entire experience even more wholesome.

Sparkes held the fort for seven innings, whiffing eight, then was hit for with Ed Hooge to lead off the bottom 7th. Hoogey grounded out before de Lucio walked Berto and allowed a single to Caskey. Cosmo came through with a gap double in right-center, but Aarhus cut the ball off ahead of the warning track, stopping Caskey at third base, but Berto scored for a 4-3 lead. The Falcons were still scared of Troy Greenway for some reason and walked him onto the open base, bringing up Anderson with three on and one down. He popped out foul in a full count, and Fernandez flew out to center, stranding three. Top 8th, Prieto retired three in a row for something new, and Campbell struck out three in the ninth, even though Paul Vespucci singled with two outs. 4-3 Coons. Ramos 2-3, 2 BB; Caskey 2-5, RBI; Trevino 3-4, 2 2B, RBI; Ledford 2-4, 2 2B; Morales 2-4, RBI; Sparkes 7.0 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 8 K, W (5-7);

Game 3
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – RF J. Aguilar – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Salto – CF Aarhus – 1B Blades – P Pedraza
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Caskey – 2B Trevino – RF Greenway – LF Ledford – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Monge – C Morales – P Bedrosian

Manny Fernandez drove in the rubber game’s first run by holding still while Pedraza struggled with Berto (walk), Caskey (drill), and Ledford (shy single) on base and two outs. The bases-loaded walk kept the line moving to Monge, who ran a full count before striking out. Fernandez walked again in the third inning as Pedraza remained not sharp. The bases were filled at that point, the Raccoons having piled up seven runners on two base hits at that point. Now they just needed that big knock! Monge popped out, stranding another set of three.

Then there was the issue of Bedrosian, who was not much better than Pedraza and relied on the other team’s stupidity go scratch his way through the innings. Through four, the Falcons had one hit … and four walks. Bedrosian also walked Aguirre with one out in the fifth, then Jerry Aguilar doubled. Two in scoring position had to hold when Aparicio flew out to Ledford in shallow left, and Mitch Cook grounded out to Caskey, preserving the 1-0 lead. Bedrosian was yanked the following inning after a Farfan single and a sixth walk to Graciano Salto. Miller got to two outs before leaving a hittable 1-2 pitch to Pedraza, the ******* opposing pitcher, which was promptly slapped into centerfield for a 2-out RBI single. Aguirre struck out, leaving behind two runners and a tied game.

The Raccoons dumpled along with Miller, Garavito, and even Jared ******* Ottinger without giving up another run through eight, with Ledford reaching base against Pedraza with one out in the bottom 8th, then getting picked off. I hissed. Manny Fernandez then slapped a homer to right-center. I didn’t know how to react to that anymore. Campbell closed out the game. 2-1 Coons. Trevino 2-4; M. Fernandez 1-2, 2 BB, HR, 2 RBI;

Getting outscored 16-7, but winning two of three. I guess that’s how ******* winners do it.

Not gonna get better soon, either.

Raccoons (40-37) vs. Canadiens (48-29) – June 30-July 3, 2039

Look. I know. And this was after the damn Elks on Tuesday had lost OF Jerry Outram (.351, 16 HR, 37 RBI), possibly for the season, with a torn rotator cuff. The damn Elks were first in runs scored, plating almost five per game, and they were third in runs allowed. Their run differential was +77, compared to a decrepit +6 for Portland. We were third in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed, completely clueless overall, and down 5-2 in the season series. We also had no hopes of winning this set of four games.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (8-2, 2.86 ERA) vs. Eric Weitz (10-4, 3.15 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (4-7, 4.13 ERA) vs. David Arias (8-3, 3.87 ERA)
Drew Johnson (5-5, 3.93 ERA) vs. Corey Booth (9-5, 3.21 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (5-7, 3.34 ERA) vs. Michael Donovan (0-3, 5.18 ERA)

I’ll see a southpaw on Sunday. (opens fresh bottle of One-Eyed Jack’s) …if I live that long.

Game 1
VAN: CF Foss – 1B Sibley – RF R. Phillips – 2B Sprague – SS Cabral – 3B Ashley – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – P Weitz
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Caskey – 2B Trevino – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – C Morales – P Sabre

Ross Sibley double, Ryan Phillips single, then a sac fly. Ramon Cabral singled, and then Ray Ashley’s grounder was thrown by Berto through the legs of Oliver Anderson for a 2-base error that scored a run. Timóteo Clemente’s following single plated two more. Just like that, the first game was dealt with from a competitive standpoint. 4-0 Elks, three runs unearned, right? Wrong. Weitz blew the lead in the second, with Anderson and Maldonado reaching the corners before Tony Morales hit a homer to right. Berto singled, Caskey was nicked, and Cosmo slapped a game-tying double before Greenway flew out.

It was 4-4 for a while after that. Cosmo was back on base in the fifth, then advanced on a wild pitch. The Elks walked Greenway with intent after that, bringing up Anderson, who was robbed in the gap by dastardly Jesse LeJeune, and Fernandez was caught on the warning track by Ryan Phillips to strand the runners. That was the only twitch the Raccoons made after the second inning, while the damn Elks didn’t get another base hit off Sabre after the first at all. He issued one walk – and that was it. That damn first-inning landslide again! BERTO!!

Then it was all about Jon Caskey in the bottom of the seventh. The youngster we didn’t know what to do with opened with a triple to left-center. He also tore an abdominal muscle sliding around the tag of Ray Ashley, requiring replacement by Joel Hernandez. The Raccoons barely got Hernandez home with a groundout by Anderson after Cosmo hit a comebacker (…!) and Greenway was walked with intent again despite not having done anything useful in a number of weeks. Sabre, in line for the W now, was replaced with David Fernandez for the eighth, with the 1-2-3 left-handed bats going down like that against the lefty. The Coons sent Jermaine Campbell for a third straight game, because this one counted double, whatever sort of logic that was. He walked Glenn Sprague to open the ninth, which was such a thrill. Cabral lined out to center. Jacob Kolbe pinch-hit for Ashley and whiffed. Clemente lasted seven pitches… then struck out. 5-4 Critters. Caskey 2-3, 3B; Trevino 2-4, 2B, RBI; Morales 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 4 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (9-2);

Boy, they actually squeezed one out here…!

Nevertheless, Caskey was going to be lost for up to two months and was sent to the DL. Can’t have a .421/.500/.526 hitter on this team!! Matt Kilgallen was promoted from AAA where he was hitting next to nothing after having missed about a month on the minor league DL. The Coons had claimed Kilgallen off waivers by the Knights in March. The 27-year-old was a super utility, which was right up my alley, and batting righty.

Game 2
VAN: 3B Ashley – 1B J. Lopez – C Alba – RF R. Phillips – 2B Sprague – CF LeJeune – SS Sibley – LF M. Reyna – P D. Arias
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – 1B Monge – P Chavez

Kilmer doubled and Monge singled him around for the first marker on the board in the bottom 2nd, but this was Bernie, so one run was no run, and by the top 3rd, one run became no run. Arias and Ashley took the corners with singles, and Johnny Lopez flew to center deep enough for a game-tying sac fly. Berto and Cosmo also took to the corners to begin the bottom 3rd, slapping a pair of singles. Manny hit a sac fly for a new lead, but Greenway struck out, and Cosmo only reached scoring position, third base, on a Kilmer single to center. Hoogey also singled up the middle, 3-1, and down 1-2 Maldonado ripped a 3-piece to right. Slappy, did they just take a 6-1 lead? – So you saw it too. – (pulls legs up his pokey nose and starts rocking back and forth in an acute flash of existential crisis)

While Bernie allowed only two hits through five innings, the Raccoons stranded pairs in the third and fourth innings, which annoyed me, because since when were five runs enough against the damn Elks?? Two more were on in the fifth, Monge and Ramos with two outs, and Cosmo slapped a 2-2 single off Domingo Murillo to extend the lead to 7-1. Fernandez then flew out to Miguel Reyna. With that lead, Bernie pitched until he could no more, reaching 111 pitches after a lengthy battle with Ray Ashley in the eighth that ended in a pop for the second out, with Clemente on first base. The Raccoons sent for Jose de Leon in a bold move, but he rung up switch-hitting Johnny Lopez for a nice start, ending the eighth and closing Bernie’s line. In the ninth he struck out Fernando Alba, gave up a double to Phillips, then whiffed Sprague. Oh well, nothing but lefty bats coming up now, but maybe he could end this against persistent pest LeJeune, who could hit a homer off any Coon. …and who flew out to Ed Hooge to end the game. 7-1 Critters! Trevino 2-5, RBI; Kilmer 2-4, 2B; Monge 3-4, RBI; Chavez 7.2 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (5-7) and 1-3;

Last time out against the damn Elks, we won the first two, too. Then lost the last two.

Game 3
VAN: CF A. Perez – 1B J. Lopez – C Alba – RF R. Phillips – 2B Sprague – SS Cabral – 3B Schneider – LF Sibley – P Booth
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – 1B Anderson – C Morales – P Johnson

The Raccoons put Berto and Cosmo on the corners again in the first inning, but couldn’t get more than a Greenway groundout to score a single run. Drew Johnson faced the minimum the first time through, including a Lopez single and a double play hit into by Alba in the top 1st. He also struck out nobody, which left me waiting for the big 5-run knell once more… The Coons weren’t delivering it, stranding Maldonado on third in the bottom 2nd, and Berto in the same spot in the bottom 3rd…

Ryan Phillips was the first K for Johnson in the fifth, but that still didn’t lead somehow to five Elks runs. They had their sole base hit through five, and the Raccoons had only a pair through five… Johnson handed a single to the opposing pitcher in the sixth inning, but Alex Perez flew out to Manny Fernandez to end the inning. Manny then drew a leadoff walk in the bottom of the inning, stole second, and Greenway was walked with intent *again* for no good reason whatsoever. It was as if the damn Elks were determined to not get beat by him specifically. Hooge grounded slowly to Brian Schneider, who hustled and flubbed the ball for a hard-luck error (beating Hoogey at first would have been tight in any case), so the bags were full with nobody out. C’MON BOYS!! (clangs One-Eyed Jack’s bottle on the table) MAKE ‘EM GET IT!! Maldonado immediately flew out easily to Perez in center, but Manny went for it. Perez’ throw was well off-kilter and bad enough for an error, since the trailing runners also gained a base while Manny scored. Anderson hit an RBI single, but Morales and Johnson made poor outs, keeping it 3-0.

Johnson held on through an Alba single in the seventh, while Berto hit a leadoff double in the bottom of that frame and came around on a grounder and a sac fly. Ledford singled home another run in the eighth, pinch-hitting for Tony Morales. Johnson remained in the game for the ninth, now up by five, having thrown just 81 pitches. Clemente grounded out. Alex Perez popped out. Lopez flew out to left. 5-0 Furballs!! Ramos 2-3, BB, 2B; Maldonado 1-2, 2B, RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1, RBI; Johnson 9.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (6-5);

Slappy, if I’m dreaming, please don’t poke me.

Just let me sleep like this forever.

Game 4
VAN: CF A. Perez – 1B J. Lopez – C Alba – RF R. Phillips – 2B Sprague – SS Cabral – 3B Ashley – LF M. Reyna – P A. Lewis
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Ledford – SS Maldonado – CF Kilgallen – 3B Hernandez – P Sparkes

Well, we got a southpaw, but not the advertised one, instead facing swingman Alexander Lewis (5-5, 5.40 ERA, 6 SV), who had been in every role imaginable for the damn Elks already this season. He got a 3-0 lead in the second, when Sparkes was torn apart with two outs. Cabral singled, Ashley hit an RBI double, and Reyna went yard – the last two with two strikes each. Matt Kilgallen hit an RBI single, plating Kilmer, in his first Raccoons at-bat, making up a run in the bottom 2nd. Joel Hernandez also reached base, but Sparkes struck out to strand both, and the damn Elks got the run back in the third inning with a leadoff walk issued to Perez. A Kilmer error in the inning also didn’t help.

A Fernandez homer gave the Raccoons a run in the sixth, but they weren’t getting on base at all otherwise, and Sparkes was chased in the eighth after a leadoff walk to Lopez. Garavito couldn’t keep the run on base, and the Elks took a new 3-run lead, and the bottom 8th was entirely sad. Tim Zimmerman was out for the ninth, offering a chance to send some left-handed pinch-hitters, starting with Ed Hooge for Kilmer, but he struck out. Ledford singled, then was forced on a Maldonado grounder. Greenway hit for Kilgallen – and flew out to very deep right. 5-2 Canadiens. Kilgallen 2-3, RBI;

In other news

June 28 – SAL SP Donovan Mason (7-6, 5.38 ERA) 3-hits the Miners in a 10-0 Wolves rush.
June 30 – Bayhawks 3B/SS Marshall Greer (.215, 6 HR, 36 RBI) would miss a month with an intercostal strain.
July 1 – A home run by DAL LF/RF Dave Trahan (.299, 7 HR, 26 RBI) is the Stars’ only base hit in an 8-1 loss to the Wolves. SAL SP Dylan Channel (7-3, 2.78 ERA) combines with two relievers for the 1-hitter.
July 2 – Flashy Scorpions rookie OF Alfonso Cedillo (.386, 3 HR, 16 RBI) will be out for six weeks with an oblique strain.

FL Player of the Week: SAL C Morgan Kuhlmann (.238, 9 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .462 (12-26) with 2 HR, 5 RBI
CL Player of the Week: BOS CF Mark Vermillion (.352, 8 HR, 50 RBI), hitting .438 (14-32) with 2 HR, 8 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: SAL SS/2B/RF Jose Castro (.254, 11 HR, 48 RBI), hitting .348 with 7 HR, 23 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: BOS CF Mark Vermillion (.356, 7 HR, 49 RBI), hitting .385 with 4 HR, 33 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: SAL SP Phil Harrington (10-3, 2.26 ERA), hurling to a 4-1 record with 1.71 ERA, 50 K
CL Pitcher of the Month: ATL SP Brad Santry (11-2, 2.72 ERA), pitching for a 5-0 mark with 2.50 ERA, 35 K
FL Rookie of the Month: DEN 1B Mark Cahill (.296, 9 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .333 with 4 HR, 17 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: IND 1B Pat Dodson (.295, 16 HR, 53 RBI), hitting .337 with 4 HR, 13 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Second career shutout for Drew Johnson at age 31 – I won’t say it was his most flashy one, since the other one was a no-hitter of the Titans when he was on the Knights in 2034. It was surely crucial for us to keep the damn Elks from getting back into the weekend set.

And then Sparkes fumbled away the Sunday game. But, eh, can’t have nice things around here one way or another. The level of competence around here is neatly expressed in this true fact: the Raccoons scored as many runs as they conceded this week *and yet* had a 5-game winning streak entirely confined within it.

Of course it would help if Greenway, Maldonado, or any first baseman, or any catcher, would finally wake up and start hitting…

Being six games out at the halfway point means we can’t just sell stuff that’s not nailed down. There’s still the pretense that the Raccoons can pull this off. Well, let’s wait until the All Star Game. Eight of our next eleven games are against the Titans, which can break a season into bits in no time at all.

The annual July Latin teen boy hunt has begun, with the Raccoons already casting a net over their first vict- … haul of the summer. We spent $19k on 16-year-old Venezuelan righty Denis DiCenta, who didn’t get a lot of press, but looks like a steal for a potential control groundballer. Who knows, in eight years we might have a non-porous infield again! Or Berto might be 40, weigh 320 points, and make 25 errors a month while still drawing a check.

Fun Fact: The worst-ever Raccoons pitcher by WAR was Daniel Miller, piling up -3.7 WAR in 12 seasons in the brown shirt.

1991 through 2002 to be precise, and being pretty much a regular the entire time. He also posted a negative WAR eight years in a row without being questioned. He also posted double-digit saves in 1996, 1999, and 2001, which says a thing or two about the Critters back then. The #22 pick in 1990, Miller never pitched for another major league team and piled up a 39-35 record with a 3.61 ERA and 56 saves. He walked 390 and struck out 511 batters in 725.2 innings, and also managed to give up double-digit homers as a reliever.

Phew.

Thank goodness WAR is a useless stat and has no meaning whatsoever!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (43-38) @ Boston (48-32) – July 4-7, 2039

Given that the Titans would play 8 of their next 11 against the Critters, too, their chances at running away with first place by mid-month were tremendous. The Critters were crummy, and nothing good had ever happened to them in Boston. They were also winless against the Titans this year, having been swept in a 3-game set earlier. Boston allowed the fewest runs in the Continental League, while being merely average at scoring.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 3.70 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (5-8, 3.33 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-2, 2.75 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (4-7, 4.88 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-7, 3.90 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (13-2, 2.35 ERA)
Drew Johnson (6-5, 3.46 ERA) vs. Leonhart Becker (6-4, 1.60 ERA)

Two right, two left, and probably a few in the snout.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – 1B Monge – C Morales – P Bedrosian
BOS: SS Bunyon – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Kuehn – RF J. Davis – 2B Toney – P Bressner

The schmuck Bedrosian gave up a leadoff homer to Donovan Bunyon and the 4-game sweep was in full swing in the first inning on Monday, even though Troy Greenway hit one himself in the top 2nd, his first homer IN A MONTH. While Mark Vermillion tripled in two runs with two outs in the third, Mike Toney and Bunyon sitting on the corners, the Raccoons’ 2-out chance in the fifth involved the bases loaded with Bedrosian (single), Cosmo (walk), and Greenway (single), and Ed Hooge grounding out to short. Bedrosian was normally steady when he didn’t give up excruciating extra-base knocks, and allowed only four hits through six innings. The Raccoons were out-hitting the Titans even before loading the bases in the seventh against Bressner, but as it has to be pointed out again and again and again, nothing good ever happened to them in Boston. In the seventh, Berto, Cosmo, and Manny all reached with nobody out, bringing up Greenway against a suddenly foundering right-hander. Up 2-1 in the count, Greenway popped out to short, and Ed Hooge’s RBI came on a grounder to first. I accepted my fate, but then Maldonado ripped a ball into the corner for our own 2-out, 2-run triple, and that was indeed a surprising outcome…! Monge lined out, but the Titans went to Javy Santana in the eighth, a frame in which Cosmo added another run by plating Tony Morales with a double.

The Coons boldly went to Jose de Leon for the bottom 8th with Toney up, getting a leadoff walk and a Matt Dear double play grounder for their troubles before, with cold sweat on the forehead, sending Garavito against the lefty top of the order. Bunyon struck out, but no additional runs came forward in the top 9th and the Raccoons sent Jermaine Campbell against his old team in the bottom 9th. Of course he instantly exploded. Vermillion singled, Willie Vega doubled, and with two outs they pulled the corpse of Tomas Caraballo from some moist grave and tossed him in to pinch-hit in the #6 spot. Caraballo zinged a 2-run single, the lead was blown, and the Titans ran the gauntlet until the bags were full after a walk to John Davis and a pinch-hit single from Sean Calais. Dear struck out, sending the game to extras. Willie Vega ended the game with a walkoff double against David Fernandez in the bottom 10th. 6-5 Titans. Trevino 2-4, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5; Greenway 2-5, HR, RBI;

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – CF Maldonado – C Morales – SS Hernandez – P Sabre
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Kuehn – SS J. Davis – 2B Toney – P Hicks

The only runner the first time through fore either team was Cosmo Trevino, who hit a single, stole his 23rd base, and then was ignored by Fernandez and Greenway. Defense was the call for today, with Hicks whiffing only two Raccoons through three innings, while Sabre got only one Titan to strike out (John Davis). The Raccoons still took an unexpected lead in the fourth, when with two down Greenway walked and scored on an Anderson double. Not to worry about the Titans though – they flipped the score in the fifth. Leadoff walk to Jose Garcia, two singles clipped by Paul Kuehn and Mike Toney, and finally a wild pitch – enough for two runs despite the absence of a big knell.

Sabre allowed only those two hits through seven innings, then was hit for when his spot led off the eighth, still down 2-1 of course. Ed Hooge popped out, and a Ramos single led nowhere in particular with two fly outs following. Prieto held the Titans off the base paths in the bottom 8th, after which the 4-5-6 batters would try their luck against Mike Hugh’s 1.26 ERA. Greenway drew a walk in a full count before Anderson flung a 1-2 pitch over a leaping Garcia for a double. The tying and go-ahead runs were thus in scoring position! Maldonado walked onto the open base, Tony Morales struck out, Brad Ledford hit for Joel Hernandez, ran a 3-1 count… and popped out. Jeff Kilmer batted for Prieto as the Raccoons were down to their last dips. One strike, two strike, three strikes – the last strike went into Kilmer’s furry bum, though, and everybody moved up 90 feet as the Raccoons were gifted a tied ballgame. Berto was too old and too wise to swing at Hugh’s wayward offerings, and drew a walk to force home Anderson for the lead. (blinks fast) Trevino struck out, and the Raccoons did not have Campbell available after he had been dragged through the streets of Boston dangling off the rear of the blue team’s chariot for an excessive amount of time the day before. Chris Miller got the baseball against the top of the order, getting scary fly outs from Moises Avila and Antonio Gil before Vermillion grounded out to Anderson. 3-2 Blighters. Greenway 1-2, 2 BB; Anderson 2-4, 2 2B, RBI; Kilmer 0-0, RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 2 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 2 K;

A win is a win is a win. A win is a win is a win. A win is a –

Game 3
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – SS Maldonado – CF Kilgallen – 3B Hernandez – P Chavez
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Kuehn – SS Bunyon – CF Huntly – 2B Toney – P M. Gonzalez

The Raccoons had one runner in the first, two runners in the second, and three runners in the third. They scored no runs in the first, no runs in the second (Hernandez into a double play for the giggles), and all of one run in the third inning, with Jeff Kilmer holding out for a walk to force in Danny Monge with the bases loaded. Greenway popped out, and Maldonado ambled out to center to strand three. And then Bernie Chavez was torn apart for four runs in the bottom of the inning. Bill Huntly and Mike Toney made the corners with nobody out, Gonzalez bunted them over, and Moises Avila’s grounder was very much thrown away for two bases by Maldonado. Two more hits then led to two unearned runs in the batch o’ four.

While Portland made up a run in the sixth when Greenway drew a walk and scored on a Matt Kilgallen double, Bernie Chavez was yanked still trailing after a 2-out walk to Bunyon in the bottom 6th. Ottinger replaced him, got a grounder to end the inning, and the offense got another run in the seventh; Danny Monge hit a leadoff double and scored on two productive outs to shorten the gap to 4-3. Ottinger had another inning of competence in him, and Garavito held three lefty batters away in the eighth. The Raccoons then faced Blake Sciulli, red-headed righty with a 1.74 ERA, in the ninth. Berto batted for Hernandez to start the inning and walked on five pitches, putting the tying run aboard. Anderson struck out in a full count, but Monge hit a ball to left that eluded the golden glove of Willie Vega for a double and Berto dashed around from first base to score the tying run. Ninth-frame leads in this series, huh?? Cosmo grounded out, moving Monge to third base, but Manny got rung up and the game remained tied. Paul Kuehn would walk to lead off the ninth against Prieto, but was left stranded, sending another game to extras. Maldonado made another error in the 10th, putting Gil on base, but the Coons scrambled around that too. That was after Maldonado singled and was caught stealing in the top 10th. The Raccoons had two singles in the 11th against Ben Darr, but Berto and Monge were left on the corners. The Titans had four singles in the bottom of the inning against de Leon, and not even with an out in between. 5-4 Titans. Monge 4-4, BB, RBI; Ramos (PH) 1-1, BB;

Boston vibes. All over.

Game 4
POR: 3B Ramos – 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – LF Ledford – CF Kilgallen – SS Maldonado – P Johnson
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – 1B J. Garcia – C Kuehn – SS Bunyon – LF J. Davis – 2B Toney – P Becker

Once more, the Raccoons scored first, with Kilmer going yard in the second to make it 1-0, and like Sabre on Tuesday, Drew Johnson also went four innings without giving up a hit before things went pear-shaped and Paul Kuehn hit one out in the bottom 5th for a 1-1 tie. Jose Garcia hit a leadoff jack in the seventh while the Raccoons did absolutely nothing in the meantime – but they did in the eighth against a tiring Becker. Manny drew a 1-out walk in the #9 hole, and then consecutive hits by Berto and Monge gave the Coons a 3-2 lead. Bottom 8th, David Fernandez walked a pair, then was yanked for Campbell, who was asked to get five outs with the go-ahead run already on base, after not being able to get three on Monday. Brad Ledford caught long flies by Sean Calais and Paul Kuehn to expire the Titans in the inning, then hit a single off Hugh after Hoogey’s pinch-hit leadoff double in the bottom 8th. They were left on the corners when Kilgallen, Maldonado, and Anderson made three terrible outs in a row…… Back to Campbell, Bunyon opened the bottom 9th with a single that Greenway overran for an extra base, and John Davis ripped another single to tie the game, and also went to second base on Hooge’s throw home. With two outs, Moises Avila walked off the Titans with a single. 4-3 Titans. Hooge (PH) 1-1, 2B;

Let’s just say I was restrained for much of the flight to Milwaukee.

Raccoons (44-41) @ Loggers (47-39) – July 8-10, 2039

The Loggers were eight games over .500 with a -1 run differential, which was indicating that they were due a few losses, and the Raccoons were totally gonna deal them to them. Totally. The season series was at 5-4 in Milwaukee’s favor.

Projected matchups:
Bryce Sparkes (5-8, 3.46 ERA) vs. Carlos Padilla (7-6, 3.09 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 3.71 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (6-3, 3.42 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-2, 2.74 ERA) vs. Joe Feltman (7-7, 3.23 ERA)

Only right-handed opposition from here to the All Star Game. Whether Sabre starts on Sunday depends on whether he makes the trip to the showcase. If he wins an All Star nod, Jared Ottinger (1-0, 0.00 ERA) would make a spot start.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – SS Maldonado – CF Hooge – C Morales – P Sparkes
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 1B Ronan – SS Del Vecchio – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – 2B V. Acosta – CF Coca – 3B Garnier – P C. Padilla

Another day, another 1-0 lead (Maldonado jack in the second), and for once not instant regrets. Instead, the Coons went up to 3-0 in the next frame, with Morales and Berto hitting doubles, Manny chipped in a 2-out RBI single, then was caught stealing to end the inning. Anderson fumbled Padilla’s grounder in the bottom 3rd after Sparkes had retired three in a row, and the Loggers would immediately get an unearned run with singles by Danny Valenzuela and Joseph Ronan. The only surprise was that dastardly Ted Del Vecchio didn’t go yard afterwards and instead flew out to Hooge. The Raccoons got the run back in the fourth; Greenway drew a leadoff walk, and Anderson and Morales hit singles to get him around. Sparkes struck out to end the inning, then gave up hits to Felipe Gomez and Victor Acosta in the bottom half before being taken deep to left by Tony Coca, tying the score at four.

That also remained the score through seven and a rain delay that dragged out the misery unnecessarily. Thankfully Chris Miller would throw a wild pitch in the bottom 8th that advanced Del Vecchio from first base to second base just ahead of Felipe Gomez’ 2-out RBI single to give the Loggers a lead that would sink the Raccoons. Berto hit a 2-out single off Raul de la Rosa in the ninth. Cosmo popped out to short. 5-4 Loggers. Ramos 2-5, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, RBI; Morales 3-4, 2B, RBI;

There are no words.

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – 1B Anderson – CF Hooge – SS Kilgallen – P Bedrosian
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 1B Ronan – SS Del Vecchio – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – 2B V. Acosta – CF Coca – 3B Garnier – P Piedra

New day, new 1-0 lead, with Oliver Anderson tripling home Kilmer, who had opened the second inning with a single. Then three Critters struck out in a row, leaving Anderson at third, and the Loggers were seemingly all the time in scoring position and just waiting for Bedrosian to implode entirely. They had five guys on in the first three innings, and stranded all of them, four of them in scoring position. Greenway then hit a leadoff jack in the fourth, his 15th of the year and the second this week as he continued the defrosting process. It was barely enough to stay just afloat as Acosta and Maxime Garnier hit singles off Bedrosian in the bottom 4th, and then Valenzuela legged out an infield roller with two outs to get Acosta in. Ronan whiffed.

Milwaukee had only one runner each in the fifth and sixth, smooth sailing if there ever was some, while the Raccoons ineffectively poked against Piedra and then William Stockwell. Bedrosian didn’t come back for the seventh, with Garavito giving up a 1-out triple to Ronan before being yanked for de Leon, who walked a pair and retired nobody. Prieto was next, getting an easy fly to Greenway from Gomez, with the runners holding. Victor Acosta also flew to shallow right, Greenway came on, reached, flubbed it, and the ball rolled into center for two runs to score.

And I really don’t remember anything after that, probably because I had a stroke or something, but apparently no further runs were scored… 3-2 Loggers. Trevino 2-4; Kilmer 3-4; Anderson 2-4, 3B, RBI;

(just looks plain sad)

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 1B Monge – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – SS Kilgallen – 2B Hernandez – P Sabre
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 1B Ronan – SS Del Vecchio – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – 2B V. Acosta – CF Coca – 3B Yoshioka – P Feltman

Sabre did NOT make the All Star Game, so he got the Sunday game as consolation price. Cosmo was sore and was left on the bench for Sunday.

The Loggers scored first on a Del Vecchio homer in the bottom 1st, and three singles landed them another run in the second, with Feltman driving in Gomez with two outs. Swell. Monge singled home Hernandez in the top 3rd for one run, and the Raccoons loaded the bags with three runners in the fourth, only to bring up Sabre with two outs and they weren’t gonna strike gold after this week now, either. From there nobody did anything for a few innings, because the Loggers didn’t have to anymore and the Raccoons just goddamn couldn’t. In the eighth, Feltman walked both Fernandez and Greenway with one out. Kilmer and Hooge made poor outs, and then Ottinger was exploded for three runs in the bottom 8th anyway… Top 9th, Cosmo hit for Kilgallen and struck out. Maldonado hit for Hernandez and walked. Ledford batted for Ottinger and singled. The Loggers went from one lefty (Stockwell) to another (Logan Bessey), and Berto struck out. Danny Monge zinged an RBI single, and only now did the tying run come to the plate with two down. And Manny Fernandez grounded out on the first pitch. 5-2 Loggers. Monge 2-4, 2 RBI; Hernandez 1-2, BB; Ledford (PH) 1-1;

In other news

July 4 – Salem 1B Bill Jenkins (.245, 12 HR, 46 RBI) ends their game with the Warriors with a walkoff grand slam off Seth Odum (4-2, 4.72 ERA, 1 SV). The Wolves win 10-6.
July 4 – A torn meniscus will put Tijuana’s RF/1B/LF Willie Ojeda (.334, 9 HR, 39 RBI) on the DL for a month.
July 5 – Aces OF Steve Jorgensen (.324, 12 HR, 44 RBI) would miss a month with torn ankle ligaments.
July 6 – Knights INF Vincent Zesati (.231, 1 HR, 4 RBI) retires from baseball after a botched surgery for a ruptured finger tendon causes part of his hand to go permanently numb. The 26-year-old was a .278 hitter with 10 homers and 79 RBI in 242 games.
July 6 – The Knights beat the Falcons, 8-7, in a 17-inning slog when CHA 2B/SS Oscar Aguirre (.215, 4 HR, 21 RBI) fumbles a grounder allowing the winning run to score.
July 6 – SAC LF/SS Jesus Banuelas (.320, 2 HR, 28 RBI) is on the DL with a hammy strain and is expected to miss two weeks.
July 7 – VAN SP David Arias (9-4, 4.13 ERA) would miss a month with a torn meniscus.
July 8 – It takes 16 innings for the Buffaloes to put an 8-7 win over the Cyclones in the books. Infielder Kyle Lusk (.261, 3 HR, 18 RBI) scores the winning run with a grounder.
July 10 – Well into overtime, VAN RF/CF Ryan Phillips (.240, 10 HR, 45 RBI) sends his team into the All Star Break with a 13th-inning walkoff grand slam off IND MR Justin Kaiser (3-7, 4.47 ERA, 2 SV). Vancouver notches a 13-9 win. Phillips has three hits in the game including another grand slam off SP Eric Peck (5-6, 5.03 ERA, 1 SV) and 9 RBI in total.

FL Player of the Week: PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.332, 22 HR, 70 RBI), hitting .500 (14-28) with 4 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: VAN RF/CF Ryan Phillips (.240, 10 HR, 45 RBI), batting .414 (12-29) with 2 HR, 11 RBI

Complaints and stuff

So Sabre didn’t make the All Star Game, but the professional leadblower Jermaine Campbell did? Awesome. Also going: Jeff Kilmer, Manny Fernandez, and Troy Greenway. Kilmer was a first-time All Star, while Fernandez went for the third time, Greenway for the fourth, and Campbell for the fifth time. And maybe we could arrange for none of them to return.

Not exactly sure why we get any All Stars, to be honest.

The Raccoons added two more starting pitchers via international free agents this week, two 18-year-old left-handers in fact. One was from Cuba, named Juan Rosales, who was probably more of a reliever type with short stamina. He only cost $16k. We paid about 15 times that much for Victor Merino from Venezuela. He only threw 87 right now, but was a control groundballer like DiCenta, who we signed last week. Good slider and changeup for sure on him, and he would in fact go straight to Aumsville rather than the complex in Santo Desolato.

There was another player we were after, the slugging corner outfielder type. He would be expensive enough to blow us well through the soft cap and into the highest penalty tier for next year.

Fun Fact: Vincent Zesati, who retired for injury reasons this week, was originally signed by the Raccoons out of the Dominican Republic.

Besides being involved in the grandiose trade for Adam Avakian, he originally cost $20k in 2029. $20k was also the price for Ignacio del Rio, that demonspawn.

$20k is not a good price to pay for a Dominican guy, I think.

[Westheim]

All Star Game

Indy 3B Dan Hutson becomes All Star Game MVP by going 2-for-4 with a 2-run homer in the seventh that ties up the game the Federal League so far led 2-0, with the Continental League winning in the 10th inning, when Boston’s Willie Vega hits a walkoff single. The Raccoons’ Jermaine Campbell gets the W for his scoreless top of the 10th, with the loss going to the Warriors’ Andy Hyden.

Raccoons batters went a grand total of 0-for-5 in the game. Greenway started the contest and hit nothing in three attempts, while Kilmer and Manny Fernandez both had unsuccessful pinch-hitting appearances.

Trade

The dismantling began. Bryce Sparkes (5-8, 3.48 ERA) was scheduled to start the opener of the back half of the season, but was scratched Wednesday night and traded Thursday morning. The Raccoons bundled him with left-hander Jose Alaniz (2-1, 4.13 ERA, 1 SV) and sent them to the Capitals for #47 prospect 3B/2B Quadir Randle, who was 21 and at an AA level of competence. He had been the #25 pick by the Buffos in ’36, but had since been traded twice in different Decembers. He projected to be comparable to Matt Nunley at third base, but with a tick less defense and a bit more power.

Steve Fidler (0-5, 4.94 ERA) came up from AAA to fill the rotation.

Also, Elijah Williams came off the DL and Matt Kilgallen got directions back to AAA.

Raccoons (44-44) vs. Titans (53-34) – July 16-19, 2039

By the time the Titans aligned on the field to stomp on them some more, the Raccoons, 10 games out as of Thursday morning, had given up. There was no pretending it, no trading up, when the only way for them was down. Ripped apart 1-6 the previous week *and* by the Titans for the season, they had no hope of suddenly starting to win now, and time had already run out. Boston still allowed the fewest runs in the majors, something not likely to change in this weekend set, and they were seventh in runs scored, which, as it had transpired recently, was *enough*.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 3.59 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (6-8, 3.53 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-3, 2.76 ERA) vs. Leonhart Becker (6-4, 1.72 ERA)
Drew Johnson (6-5, 3.42 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (4-7, 4.50 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-7, 3.86 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (9-4, 3.19 ERA)

Last time I checked, Becker was a left-hander. He probably still was, maybe.

Appropriately, I stripped the front office of all luxuries like All Star starting pitchers. Maud’s espresso machine was replaced with a hand-cranked coffee mill Grandma Tompkins had left me in 1964, Dr. Padilla’s diagnostic equipment was sold off on YouPay for dimes on the dollar and he got directions to the Druid’s old herb cabinet in which wicked things had grown in the last few years, and Cristiano Carmona had his super-lightweight, wheels-individually-sprung, hyperfoam-cushioned wheelchair given to charity and replaced with a wooden bucket to stuff his lower half in, plus two wooden weights with grips to drag himself forwards with.

Something seemed to anger the baseball gods though (no idea what it could be though) since they sent lightning and thunder for all of Thursday afternoon, postponing the opener of the series into a Friday double-header.

Game 1
BOS: SS Bunyon – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Kuehn – RF Calais – 2B Toney – P Bressner
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – CF Maldonado – SS Williams – C Morales – P Bedrosian

When baseball did take place, the Titans took the first kick to the groin, with Andy Bressner retiring nobody before leaving with an injury, and then being 3-0 down on Manny Fernandez’ rather quick 3-run homer to right. Paul Kuehn socked a counter-bomb of the solo variety in the top of the second, and that was pretty much it for offense in the first five innings, neither team surpassing three base hits.

Boston scored on back-to-back 2-out singles by Mark Vermillion and Willie Vega in the sixth inning, though. A throwing error by Troy Greenway on the latter play also helped, allowing Vermillion to score from first base. Bottom 6th, Berto singled off Blake Sciulli to open the inning, then came around on Cosmo’s double, 4-2. Manny singled him home, stole second, Greenway was walked intentionally for reasons spurious, at least until Anderson popped out and Maldonado bobbled into a double play. Top 7th, leadoff single for Paul Kuehn, then a pair of doubles by Sean Calais and Mike Toney, and the Titans had the tying run right back in scoring position with nobody out. Bedrosian received a bunt, then was yanked for David Fernandez, who walked the bases full with Donovan Bunyon and Antonio Gil before giving up the game tying sac fly. Willie Vega then singled to left-center, giving Boston the lead before Jose Garcia popped out. The Raccoons did nothing of note in the seventh or eighth, then faced Mike Hugh (1.63 ERA) still down by one in the bottom 9th. Hooge batted for Maldonado and grounded out. Williams flew out to right. Tony Morales popped out. 6-5 Titans. Ramos 2-4; M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, 4 RBI; Monge 1-1;

As before, there were no words.

Game 2
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – SS Bunyon – C Dear – 2B Toney – P Becker
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – RF Ledford – 3B Hernandez – P Sabre

Moises Avila singled, Antonio Gil and Mark Vermillion ripped doubles, and Jose Garcia banged one over the fence in centerfield, all in the first inning, for a 4-0 lead against Sabre. The Raccoons would get Kilmer and Hooge on base to start the bottom 2nd, but Maldonado hit into another double play and Brad Ledford grounded out harmlessly, at which point Slappy handed me another bottle of booze without being prompted to do so. Joel Hernandez’ leadoff double in the bottom 3rd and Kilmer’s 1-out double in the fourth both led precisely nowhere, and while Sabre held out for five innings, he was then replaced after only 76 pitches – the Raccoons didn’t have a day off on Monday, and would thus have to send a guy on short rest on Tuesday, and Sabre was gonna be it.

The Raccoons then inserted Jose de Leon (0-2, 14.73 ERA) for long relief starting in the sixth, and I inserted fresh duck shot into the blunderbuss should he manage to raise that ERA; the game was lost anyway. The Titans promptly tore him up for another 4-spot, including a 3-piece by Toney with two outs. While Jeff Kilmer hit a solo homer in the bottom 6th to get some points for at least ******* trying, the Raccoons otherwise did the least damage while dragging the game out the furthest they could, landing singles with Ledford, Monge, and Trevino in the seventh before Manny popped out and stranded all of them. After two horrendous innings by de Leon, Jared Ottinger got the last two frames, allowing only one more base hit to Boston. One run fell out of Javy Santana in the ninth. Nobody particularly cared. 8-2 Titans. Monge 3-5; Kilmer 2-3, BB, HR, 2B, RBI; Hooge 2-4; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Ottinger 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Jose de Leon (15.88 ERA) departed to St. Petersburg after this game before I could deal blunt or other physical trauma to him. We recalled Travis Sims, who had an ERA in the 1’s in AAA.

Game 3
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Kuehn – SS J. Davis – 2B Toney – P Hicks
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – CF Maldonado – SS Williams – C Morales – P Johnson

Johnson drew unfavorable comparisons to the likes of Travis Garrett with two hits, a walk, and two wild pitches in the first tow innings, yet somehow the Titans didn’t rout him right away and stranded three guys in scoring position instead. Nobody reached in the third for the highly annoying blue team, with Willie Vega drawing a leadoff walk in the fourth. Garcia replaced him via fielder’s choice, and after Kuehn popped out was picked off to end the inning. All that drawn-out drama served for the Raccoons to score first in the bottom 4th, with a Cosmo singled and Greenway’s 16th homer. Which was logical – you have to get a lead first in order to blow it in the most stupid way possible.

Antonio Gil walked in the sixth, but was doubled up by Vermillion, and the Raccoons chewed up Hicks in the bottom of the inning, with Fernandez, Anderson, and Maldonado all reaching base and stealing three bases between them, and scoring three runs by the time Elijah Williams hit a 1-out single, 5-0. Tony Morales homered off Adam Potter’s second pitch, 7-0, and the top of the order cobbled another run together from a 2-out walk drawn by Berto and two subsequent singles. Potter continued to get shredded in the seventh, loading the bags before walking Johnson with the bags full to push home a run. Southpaw Daniel Miller replaced him, but conceded another run on Berto’s sac fly, which made it a 10-0 game. Funnily enough, that made me just as mad as if they trailed 10-0 … couldn’t they ever spread out their offense to win more games …!? Can’t you lot count to even three, for ****’s sake!? Johnson pitched into the ninth, but was removed upon a dip in velocity after 101 pitches and Gil’s leadoff single. Mauricio Garavito managed to turn this into two runs by allowing a double to Vega, and throwing a run-scoring wild pitch with two outs… 10-2 Raccoons. Trevino 2-5; Anderson 2-5, RBI; Williams 3-4, 2 RBI; Johnson 8.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, W (7-5) and 1-2, BB, RBI;

Typical. After losing a million games by one run.

Maud, what do you mean, the charity brought Cristiano’s wheelchair back? – Uh-huh. – Ah ya. – I see. – No, I didn’t understand a word about what you said with the brakes only unlocking with a signal from Cristiano’s phone. Just help him out of the bucket and leave me alone, all of you!

Game 4
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Kuehn – SS Bunyon – 2B Toney – P Willett
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – CF Hooge – SS Williams – C Morales – P Chavez

Consecutive doubles by Berto and Cosmo gave the Raccoons a 1-0 lead before they made an out against Willett, and the scoring would continue with Manny’s RBI triple, Monge’s RBI single, and nothing more. The Titans would counter with three hits off Bernie Chavez, but had Garcia caught stealing before Bunyon and Toney joined in on the fun, and didn’t score until Vermillion doubled home Moises Avila in the fifth inning. Couple o’ pitches later, Bernie served up a mandatory neck- and spirit-breaking moonshot homer to Willie Vega, with the game then tied at three.

Bunyon and Willett singles put runners on the corners with one out in the sixth. Avila hit a comebacker that Bernie took for an out at second base, but runners remained on the corners, and with 11 hits against him and lefty bats galore coming up, it was game over for Chavez at that point. David Fernandez entered the #5 hole in a double switch with Oliver Anderson inserted at first base. Gil flew out to center, leaving Chavez with a no-decision. Anderson lined out to center after Morales’ 2-out double in the bottom 6th. Fernandez pitched for six outs even against a pair of righty pinch-hitters and switch-mauler Paul Kuehn while keeping the score level. All Travis Sims had to do was get one out from the #8 hitter Mike Toney. He gave up a double, a walk, a single, and a run, then fled town with me and the blunderbuss in hot pursuit. Prieto got the last out in the eighth from Gil. Jermaine Campbell held the Titans where they were in the ninth, but that only gave the Critters another rendezvous with Hugh, whom they weren’t exactly solving on a regular basis. Down 4-3, Tony Morales struck out, Anderson grounded out to the right side, and Berto grounded out to the left side. 4-3 Titans. Ramos 2-5, 2B; Monge 2-3, RBI; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

In other news

July 14 – The Canadiens trade SP Corey Booth (9-7, 3.36 ERA) to the Stars for LF/RF/1B Mark DeVita (.272, 6 HR, 37 RBI) and a prospect.
July 17 – Pacifics rookie LF/RF Josh Wotring (.281, 1 HR, 30 RBI) is out for the season with a concussion.

FL Player of the Week: PIT OF Adrian Wade (.308, 9 HR, 46 RBI), hitting .467 (7-15) with 2 HR, 2 RBI
CL Player of the Week: VAN INF Ramon Cabral (.252, 5 HR, 32 RBI), batting .500 (9-18) with 2 HR, 9 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Hi, this is Cristiano. (Cristiano balances on his rear wheels while having his legs propped up leisurely on the GM’s desk) Senor Westfield is chasing Senor Sims down the median on I-405 with his ancient shotgun and probably will not be back in the office today, so I’ll give you the debrief.

The Raccoons are pretty dead. (swipes over a pad’s display) No, I can not offer any hope. They’re terrible in traditional stats, advanced stats, and in terms of luck, too. Senor Sparkes is gone already and Senor Westfield will probably make some more trades that will lead nowhere nice because he never listens to the smart people around him. To be honest, Cristiano would not have traded for Quadir Randle, who is said to be lazy, and Cristiano also would not offer $800k for outfielder Gerardo Zafra and his volatile, arrogant character. You would not want to drink coffee with Senor Zafra, because he might splash it in your face.

Speaking of coffee. (speaks a little louder) I wonder where my coffee is.

(a sparkling, muscular Gustaf with wavey blond hair in nothing but pink shorts appears in the door to Maud’s room, carrying a tiny cup of coffee on an equally small saucer) Gustaf, is that all you could make? – I know, you do it with that coffee mill thing. – I know it is hard.

(Gustaf wipes sweat off his forehead)

(Cristiano leans back while emptying the tiny cup in one sip, loses balance and crashes in front of the big windows overlooking the Field of Sadness)

Fun Fact: The most successful Raccoons team in this century in terms of wins that ended up posting a losing record one year later were the 2014 Raccoons, who 97 games (but finished 15 games out), but only 78 games the year after.

Matt Nunley was the best hitter by OPS In ’15, which is already a red flag. He batted .324 with 12 homers the year after winning Rookie of the Year honors. Cookie Carmona hit .332 with no homers, Ron Richards hit .270 with 22 homers, and nobody else hit much of anything, except for Ronnie McKnight (.278, 20 HR, 91 RBI) who won Rookie of the Year honors.

Pitching-wise the team had Jonny Toner, Hector Santos, and Nick Brown, who all posted sub-3 ERA’s, but that wasn’t even enough for a winning record for Santos (9-11). Toner won the triple crown, and it still wasn’t enough, because the supporting cast was a dismal collection of clowns in shoes way too big. Six other pitchers made at least three starts, none of them posting an ERA better than Kenichi “Winless” Watanabe (4-7, 4.46 ERA). Apart from Angel Casas, Manobu Sugano, and Chris Mathis, the bullpen was similarly challenged in terms of competence.

Two years later the ’17 Coons won the first of three straight division titles with much the same personnel (although Tadasu Abe would be a key addition to the mix as Brownie fell away in his late 30s). Hugo Mendoza, R.J. DeWeese, Mike Denny, and Shane Walter would all help the offense – at least for a little while, and not all of them were a treat in all aspects of their existence.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (45-47) @ Indians (36-57) – July 18-20, 2039

The sad-sack Raccoons were on the road, meeting the Indians for three on the road. Both teams were now playing out the string. The Arrowheads had lost eight in a row, but we weren’t exactly on a roll… except a tumble down the hill maybe. The Raccoons had lost 12 of their last 14 games, but maybe they would at least temporarily stop being borderline unwatchable for three games in Indianapolis, who they nevertheless trailed 5-4 in the season series… Indy was in the bottom two in both runs scored and runs allowed, had a -105 run differential (Coons: +8), and the only thing they did well was hitting home runs. We had sure noticed in the past.

Projected matchups:
Steve Fidler (0-5, 4.94 ERA) vs. Eric Peck (5-6, 5.03 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 3.78 ERA) vs. Jake Jackson (6-10, 3.02 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-4, 2.94 ERA) vs. John Nelson (5-9, 4.44 ERA)

Southpaw at the start, then two right-handers. Thursday would be off.

A roster move had been made, with Travis Sims (4-1, 4.85 ERA) chased out of town again real fast, bringing up left-handed 2036 fifth-rounder Brent Clark, who had an 0.40 ERA in St. Pete, while also walking everything with legs.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 1B Monge – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – SS Williams – 2B Hernandez – P Fidler
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – LF Trawick – 2B Johnston – P Peck

The Raccoons did a modest amout of hitting early on, stranding one runner in the first, two in the second, and the same amounts in the third and fourth, respectively. They managed to bring up Fidler with two outs and two aboard twice, which certainly didn’t help either. Fidler didn’t explode at first sight, which was already a plus in his first start back from the Swamplands, although Dan Hutson would have scored on an Elliott Thompson with two outs in the bottom 4th, but was thrown out by a *perfect* zinger by Manny Fernandez. Manny also broke the ice in the fifth inning, finding Berto and Monge on base after a pair of soft singles, and countered with a no-doubter for three runs to right, his 14th bomb of the year. Troy Greenway would give it a bid in the seventh, then with Manny and Jeff Kilmer on base, but fell short and into Mario Ochoa’s glove. Manny scooted to third base, though, then scored on Maldo’s 2-out single, 4-0. Williams flew out to right, ending the inning. Fidler was on only 61 pitches at that point, but surely eyed sharply. When he walked Dave Serrato with one out in the bottom 7th, the pen got buzzing, but he struck out Jake Trawick after a wild pitch moved Serrato to second base. There was no point in walking Ryan Johnston intentionally – the Indians would surely send a pinch-hitter for Peck. Fidler faced him, gave up an RBI single to left-center, and then walked the pinch-hitter, Josh Garbinski. Prieto replaced him, walked the bags full with four balls to David Gonzales, but somehow got out on Ochoa’s groundout. Elijah Williams also got out, tweaking his calf on the play. Cosmo Trevino replaced him, with Joel Hernandez moving to short, with all of them watching with foreboding as Chris Miller shuffled on Pat Dodson and Serrato in the eighth, then gave up a 2-run gapper to Trawick. Dodson scored from second, Serrato was sent – and was out! This time Maldonado flashed the old flapper for an outfield assist at home plate! Still up 4-2, the Raccoons sent Jermaine Campbell into the ninth. Soft single by Johnston, soft single by Jeremy Leftwich, which Brad Ledford also overran for an extra base for everybody. So the tying runs were in scoring position, nobody out, and I was ready to burst several blood vessels. Gonzales hit a sac fly in shallow center that led to Johnston bowling over Tony Morales and being called safe. Ochoa struck out. Dan Hutson grounded out to Berto. Somehow, a win. 4-3 Coons. Ramos 3-5; M. Fernandez 3-5, HR, 3 RBI; Kilmer 2-4; Ledford (PH) 1-1; Hernandez 2-4, 2B; Fidler 6.2 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, W (1-5);

A win for „Feckless“ Fidler! Will wonders ever cease??

Elijah Williams was not going to be significantly hindered by that sore calf. In fact, he was almost as good as new by Tuesday morning.

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – 1B Anderson – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – P Bedrosian
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – LF Trawick – 2B Johnston – P J. Jackson

Bedrosian gave up three loud balls in the bottom 1st, all of which were somehow caught, while the Raccoons scored on hits by Kilmer and Anderson, plus Ed Hooge’s well-placed groundout, for one run in the top 2nd, then got Berto and Cosmo on base to begin the third inning. They went to the corners, with Berto scoring on a wild pitch, and Cosmo coming home on a Greenway single, 3-0. The Indians didn’t land a base hit until the bottom 4th, when Dan Hutson homered to left, his 23rd of the season, and that was probably off the Critters alone…

Indy didn’t get another hit until Gonzales slapped a leadoff single in the sixth, but was doubled up by Ochoa, 6-4-3, immediately. Bedrosian didn’t dominate at all, whiffing four Indians at that point, but was at least effective. And just as that thought started echoing around my numb skull, Elliott Thompson and Dave Serrato hit back-to-back singles in the bottom 7th, one down, and the tying runs were on for Trawick. Bedrosian remained in, gave up a single to fill the bags, and was yanked. Chris Miller came in and whiffed Johnston, after which Garbinski pinch-hit again. David Fernandez came in for the lefty, got a grounder to Cosmo, and somehow the Raccoons escaped bags-full again vs. Indy – truly a terrible team and on the verge of ten straight wafflings. Top 8th, Greenway doubled off Justin Kaiser, a southpaw with a 4.55 ERA, with one out, with Kilmer walking behind him. Danny Monge hit for Anderson, which was on page one of our playbook at this point, and singled to fill the bags, which didn’t happen every day. Alas, Ed Hooge struck out and Maldonado flew out to Trawick, so it was my ******* stupid team after all…

Bottom 8th, Fernandez remained in and got Gonzales before whiffing Ochoa. The #9 spot led off our half of the ninth, so there was a dear wish to have Fernandez finish the inning with only one rested righty remaining in the bullpen, and that was *Ottie*. Hutson sure hit a loud drive off Fernandez, but could not beat Hooge in center, flying out. Berto and Manny reached in the ninth, the latter on an error, but Greenway flew out to right, and stranded them. The Raccoons indeed sent Ottinger into the bottom 9th with a 3-1 lead, mainly because there were more righty bats up than lefty bats (Garavito would have been available) and because Jermaine Campbell had pitched two days in a row, and never well. Ottinger promptly walked a pair to begin the ******* inning, after which Serrato lined out to Elijah Williams at short. Mound conference, then, a 2-1 hanger that Jake Trawick blasted over the fence. 4-3 Indians. Greenway 2-5, 2B, RBI; Kilmer 2-3, BB, 2B; Monge (PH) 1-1;

(looks ready for murder)

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – CF Maldonado – C Morales – SS Williams – P Sabre
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – LF Garbinski – 2B Johnston – P J. Nelson

A single, a walk, an error, the Raccoons had the bags full in the first, but Maldonado grounded out, and that was that. Sabre’s day then began with Trevino throwing away a grounder from Gonzales, putting a free runner on second base. Ochoa doubled him in, Hutson singled, the universe was dark and unloving, and the Indians had runners on the corners and nobody out, but would not score again. Pat Dodson flew out to Manny Fernandez, who threw out Ochoa at home plate, and Thompson struck out trying to get Hutson home from second base. The Raccoons then got Cosmo on base in the third inning. He stole a base, reached third base with one out, and then Greenway struck out and Monge popped out. Two more runners were stranded in the fourth, and Ryan Johnston made it 3-0 with a 2-out homer in the bottom 4th, plating Serrato. Did I mention that the universe was dark and unloving?

The Raccoons piled up eight hits in seven innings without scoring once, and when Johnston hit a leadoff jack off Sabre in the bottom 7th, it was 4-0 and basically over. Sabre didn’t finish the inning, Garavito replacing him, while the Raccoons had two more hits, for ten total, in the eighth. The bottom of that inning was the major league debut of 24-year-old Brent Clark, facing the 4-5-6 batters. He got two groundouts, then walked Serrato. Garbinski was next and struck out. Top 9th, Berto hit a 1-out single off Terry Weaver, the Coons’ 11th hit in the game. Cosmo hit into a fielder’s choice to remove the lead runner, and then Manny Fernandez grounded out to short. 4-0 Indians. Trevino 3-5; Morales 2-4; Williams 2-4, 2B;

It’s hard to find words for those bums.

So you have to do it by CRANKING UP THE VOLUME!!

Raccoons (46-49) @ Aces (47-47) – July 22-24, 2039

What could we even expect from visiting a “meh” team? We couldn’t even beat the Indians! The Aces were up 2-1 on the season series, and ranked sixth in runs scored and third in runs allowed. Looked pretty much unbeatable – you had to get their starters (2nd in the league in ERA) out to feast on their pen (10th). Maybe I should hit the One-Armed John casino over there and lose everything I have. The Raccoons will be able to get swept perfectly fine without me.

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (7-5, 3.21 ERA) vs. Israel Mendoza (5-6, 3.38 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-7, 3.90 ERA) vs. Willie Gallardo (9-6, 2.94 ERA)
Steve Fidler (1-5, 4.30 ERA) vs. Jesus Rodarte (5-4, 4.34 ERA)

Right, right, left.

Also, the Raccoons arrived without a serviceable shortstop. Despite being warned, on Thursday Elijah Williams had a bucket of oysters from a food cart on the off-ramp from US-93. By Friday, he had perfectly liquid, volatile diarrhea and Dr. Padilla ruled him out for the entire weekend and maybe we should look for a coffin maker while we still could.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 1B Anderson – SS Maldonado – C Morales – P Johnson
LVA: SS Bensinger – 2B Briones – CF Caldwell – RF Platero – 3B Rossi – LF Velazquez – 1B Gurney – C D. Gomez – P I. Mendoza

Both teams scattered a pawful or so of hits in the first five innings, with the only run resulting from Tony Morales singling home Ed Hooge with two outs in the second inning. Drew Johnson actually also singled, but Berto struck out. Ed Hooge hit a double in the sixth, was stranded, and the Aces tied the game on Corey Caldwell’s leadoff triple and Jose Platero’s inevitable sac fly in the bottom of the inning. Johnson had relied on defense all game long, but after John Velazquez singled off him, he threw a 2-2 fastball right down the middle to Pat Gurney, who belted a 2-out, 2-run homer, and here was another loss budding on the scoreboard…! The Critters did get a pair of singles from Berto and Manny Fernandez in the eighth, and then they got a Greenway grounder for a 4-6-3 double play, ending that inning. Top 9th, the Aces sent Damon DeOrio, whoever the heck that was, who had an ERA over four. Hooge, who was pretty much the only ray of light in a dire game, led off with a single. Anderson lined out. Maldonado flew out to Velazquez, but Tony Morales lined a single into shallow right, and the team stayed alive, with the tying run on base with two outs and Brad Ledford hitting for Garavito in the #9 hole. He struck out. 3-1 Aces. Hooge 3-4, 2 2B; Morales 2-4, RBI;

(opens mouth)

(closes mouth)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – P Chavez
LVA: 1B Zarazua – 2B Briones – CF Caldwell – 3B Rossi – LF Velazquez – RF Beaudoin – SS Ackeret – C D. Gomez – P Gallardo

Ricardo Zarazua hit a triple off Bernie Chavez in the first and scored on Mario Briones’ groundout without much fuss to put the Aces up 1-0. Greenway’s leadoff walk and Monge’s single put two on to begin the top of the second, but now Ed Hooge struck out. Can you lot EVER put three hits together?? – Well, almost. Maldonado hit an RBI double to tie the game, Bernie slapped an RBI single over the head of Briones to take a 2-1 lead, but Berto hit into a fielder’s choice and Cosmo popped out, so the answer was probably indeed no, they couldn’t.

They couldn’t do anything besides ******* up. Bernie Chavez tumbled into the fourth being semi-alright, but unravelled after a Monge error put Danny Gomez aboard in addition to Aiden Ackeret with one out. Even when Gallardo bunted into a force at third base, this game was going down. Chavez walked Zarazua, then walked Briones with the bags full to tie the game. Caldwell popped out to strand three in a 2-2 game, but the writing was clearly legible on the wall, even when they took a 4-2 lead in the fifth with Trevino’s leadoff single and back-to-back RBI doubles to left-center by Kilmer and Greenway. Bernie Chavez navigated around a deep out by Justin Beaudoin in the fifth before Aiden Ackeret opened the bottom of the next inning with a double to right. Gomez popped out, Gallardo dropped a bunt, and with the runner on third and two outs, Bernie walked Zarazua. Mario Briones was going to be his last batter, with the tying runs on the corners, and the left-handed Caldwell coming after that. Chavez worked him to 1-2, then gave up a 415-footer to left-center for a score-flipping 3-piece, closing the Raccoons righty’s line at five runs, one earned.

The Aces added a run in the seventh. Platero hit a pinch-hit RBI double with two outs off Chris Miller, driving in Velazquez, whom Brent Clark had nailed. First stupid run allowed in his career – welcome to the big leagues, and get the **** out of my sight, you wimp! They were all wimps. All of them. 6-4 Aces. Greenway 2-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Maldonado 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Mario Briones was probably the last batter in Bernie Chavez’ LIFE because I’m going to ******* tear his stupid head off as soon as this 6’7’’, 280lbs clubhouse attendant stops restraining me. (struggles and hisses)

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – LF Ledford – CF Maldonado – SS Hernandez – P Fidler
LVA: 1B Zarazua – 2B Briones – CF Caldwell – RF Platero – 3B Rossi – SS Byrd – LF Beaudoin – C D. Gomez – P Rodarte

Let’s get it over with, … what’s your name? (blinks at illegible name sign of barkeep at the top-end bar in Aces Ballpark) – “Mel”. Sorry. I started to drink at 9am in the hotel this morning. – Here’s the rules, “Mel”. Whenever your ******** ****-*** team scores a run you pour me another hard one. Whenever my ******* ****-*** team leaves a guy in scoring position, you pour me another hard one. – Good. – Oh. And no talking. – If you insist on talking, you better pour me hard one right away. – Ah, pour one anyway. Our starting tosser ***** **** and if I could I’d **** that ******* rat ******* with a piece of rebar. – (notices flabbergasted stare of two elderly female patrons at a table) What are you two crows gawking at?? – “Language”? You see any ******* kids here I can spoil with my ******** **** ******* “language”?? – (turns back to barkeep) “Mel”, you look uncomfortable. You should pour yourself a hard one too. – (watches Mel do just that) Good boy.

As it turned out, the Raccoons got Berto and Cosmo on with walks to begin the game, then unfurled four base hits off a battered Rodarte to score three runs before Hernandez popped out and Fidler grounded out to strand a full set. Fidler then took the baseball and did horrendous things with it, allowing a leadoff walk, to Zarazua, a triple to Briones, and two more hits to give two runs back right away. That was three hard ones from the first inning alone, but after that the pace slowed down, because a) the Raccoons didn’t get on base anymore, and b) the defense actually made some plays. Actually, the Raccoons *did* get on base again in the fifth. Kilmer singled with one out, after which Rodarte hit consecutive batters to load the bases for Brad Ledford, who was 2-for-2 in the game, and hit a sac fly to left, but Maldonado flew out poorly and left two on board, carving a fourth score into my liver.

Top 6th, Hernandez reached base against Rodarte leading off, leading to the Ace’s removal. Fidler then bunted into a force, which was not a hard one according to the rules heretofore agreed upon, but really should be in the *spirit* of the law. Or the law of the spirits. Or something. Berto and Cosmo promptly singled, loading the bases behind the snail-paced Fidler, at which point we had surely lost a run unless the middle of the order could work some magic. Against righty Jerry Hodges, Kilmer struck out, and Greenway rolled out to second base, nobody scored, except me – I scored another hard one.

The Aces didn’t score again on Fidler, who was removed in the seventh after Beaudoin reached base. David Fernandez got the inning over with, still up 4-2. Fernandez got another out in the eighth, with Prieto getting the next two, and that he nailed Caldwell in between didn’t feel that bad. Top 9th, Nick Wright allowed a leadoff single to Cosmo, who reached second base on an errant pickoff attempt. Kilmer then doubled him in, 5-2. Greenway was walked intentionally, Monge grounded out, advancing the runners. The pitcher was in the #6 hole, with Oliver Anderson pinch-hitting now, and walking in a full count. Maldonado walked to force in a run, Hernandez grounded out to bring home a run, and Manny Fernandez grounded out to end the inning. It was 7-2, but I demanded my hard one for a runner left in scoring position anyway. With a 5-run lead, the Raccoons broke out Ottinger for the bottom 9th. Nate Rossi singled. John Byrd popped out. Beaudoin ripped an RBI double. Gomez flew out to left. Bensinger lined out to Hernandez at short. 7-3 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4, BB; Trevino 2-4, BB; Kilmer 2-5, 2B, RBI; Ledford 2-3, RBI;

In other news

July 18 – The Aces beat the Thunder, 5-4 in 16 innings. Both teams earn 20 runners, and strand 30 between them.
July 19 – Vegas’ SP Oscar Valdes (7-6, 3.39 ERA) spins a 2-hitter in a 5-0 shutout over the Thunder.
July 20 – One-hit and down 2-0, the Thunder turn the game around and walk off with a 3-2 victory on the Aces with three singles and C Jesus Adames (.340, 4 HR, 23 RBI) ripping a bases-loaded triple in the bottom 9th.
July 20 – The Titans take 11 innings to beat the Loggers, 1-0, on a single and three walks in the bottom of the 11th inning.
July 21 – NYC SP Dave Hils (3-12, 4.36 ERA) is done for the year with a partially torn labrum.
July 22 – On the same day the Canadiens learn that C Fernando Alba (.336, 10 HR, 31 RBI) was going to miss six weeks with an elbow sprain, new acquisition LF/RF/1B Marc DeVita (.284, 8 HR, 47 RBI) hits two homers among five hits and drives in four runs in a 16-8 ripping of the Thunder.

FL Player of the Week: PIT 3B Omar Lastrade (.291, 11 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .440 (11-25) with 2 HR, 7 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ RF/LF Tom Dunlap (.316, 6 HR, 24 RBI), batting .500 (10-20) with 2 HR, 3 RBI

Complaints and stuff

The amount of SUCK is baffling. They were close to making the 2001 Raccoons look borderline competent in comparison.

The good bits of the Raccoons’ lineup were all locked up for a while. Cosmo for three more years (including a player option). Greenway for four years. Manny for five. Maldonado (sharply draws in air between teeth) for six. None of them were very hot right now, and nobody was willing to shed a top prospect for any of them. Maybe the situation would be different by the winter. Or maybe even by Thursday, what the heck do I know about baseball?

Danny Monge requested a trade. I told him I tried to trade him last month and nobody wanted his lazy bum then, either. To his face. I think his eyes wettened up. What do I care. They make me cry myself to sleep every single ******* day.

The Raccoons dropped out of the Gerardo Zafra bidding war when the price reached $900k. He would then of course sign for that amount with the Pacifics.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons are still first in batting average.

And second in on-base percentage!

And four games under .500.

The universe is and always was and will always be dark and unloving.

[Westheim]

Yes, Nick, total shambles. – Yes, an absolute digrace. – Yes, heads should roll. – Wait, Nick, you’re not talking about the players??

Raccoons (47-51) vs. Condors (46-53) – July 25-27, 2039

The Raccoons still had a positive run differential (+4), but another week of suck should take care of that. The Condors were also crummy throughout (-13 RD) and average to meh in many ways. I am probably selling short that we were still third in runs scored, but that, too, had a half-life measured in days rather than months now. The Coons led the season series, 2-1, alas …

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 3.66 ERA) vs. Bill Quintero (5-13, 4.61 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-5, 3.01 ERA) vs. Edward Flinn (7-8, 4.53 ERA)
Drew Johnson (7-6, 3.29 ERA) vs. Zach Warner (4-2, 3.27 ERA)

Only right-handers to contend with here. They had quite the DL with Ignacio del Rio, Dylan Ragsdale, Willie Ojeda, and a few more bits and pieces all on the shelf.

Don’t go on my nipples, Nick, I have photos. – Of your grandfather. – I HAVE PHOTOS!!

Game 1
TIJ: SS Strohm – 1B McGrath – CF Simmons – RF Dunlap – C Wall – 3B R. West – LF J. Williams – 2B Ferrero – P Quintero
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – CF Maldonado – C Morales – SS E. Williams – P Bedrosian

Single, single, Noel Ferrero (ex-Coon!) error, and we had the bases loaded with nobody out in the bottom of the first. Portland scored all of one run from the chance – on a wild pitch. Greenway popped out, Anderson and Maldonado both whiffed, and I hated every second of my very existence, which included sitting between Slappy and Nick Valdes on the trusty brown couch. And Slappy was not the problem. Bedrosian countered the unexpected 1-0 lead with three walks and an RBI single allowed to Bill Quintero in the second inning, with Chris Strohm’s sac fly to Greenway in plenty deep right giving them a 2-1 lead before Kevin McGrath struck out to strand a pair. Like I said, I despised every fiber in my body – and the players’.

The players tied the game in the bottom 2nd on singles by Morales, Ramos, and Trevino. Manny Fernandez legged out an infield single before Troy Greenway hit a bases-clearing triple to right-center, then twisted his knee sliding around Rhett West and had to come out of the game in favor of Brad Ledford. Anderson grounded out to end the bottom 2nd, with Portland up 5-2. By the third, we got advance notice from Dr. Padilla that we’d have to get someone from AAA for Greenway, which was sweet. I liked how the Druid handled injuries back in the day – being zoomed out on shrooms for three days until you didn’t bother anymore and learning about this and that season-ending injury resulted in more of a ho-hum reaction.

While the Raccoons got a run balked in by a soon-departed Quintero in the fourth to add to their lead, 6-2, Bedrosian held out through seven after the dismal second inning, walking only one more batter and whiffing seven for a decent result. After he departed, Brad Ledford singled off Gabe McGill in the bottom 7th, stole a base, and came around to score with Maldonado singling and Morales grounding out. Justin Simmons and Tom Dunlap hit singles off Brent Clark in the eighth, but Kurt Wall (another ex-Coon!) hit into a double play to end the inning. There was markedly less success to Jared Ottinger’s outing in the ninth, with him walking Rhett West, throwing a wild pitch, and walking Noel Ferrero, too. Garavito replaced him, saw Chris Murphy reach on a Trevino error, a run scored, and then Strohm’s infield single loaded the bases. Exit Garavito, enter Campbell, with Tijuana going down on a McGrath K and a Simmons groundout to Joel Hernandez at the dicey corner. 7-3 Critters. Ramos 3-5; Trevino 3-4, BB, RBI; Greenway 1-2, 3B, 3 RBI; Bedrosian 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 4 BB, 7 K, W (8-2);

Roster move: Jared Ottinger (7.71 ERA) was banished to AAA again, and Troy Greenway was moved to the DL with a knee contusion that would take up to two weeks to heal. Cory Cronk, 2032 third-rounder, would come up and play some outfield for us. He had been in five games for the 2037 Critters, hitting nothing. He was .271 with 13 homers in AAA this year.

Nelson Fonseca meanwhile was promoted from St. Pete for the pen. The 25-year-old right-hander had been a scouting discovery almost a decade ago and had been in St. Pete since ’36 posting crummy results. He threw 99 and it had a tendency to land far away.

That’s the 2039 Coons. Everything’s crummy.

Game 2
TIJ: SS Strohm – 1B McGrath – CF Simmons – RF Dunlap – C Wall – 3B R. West – LF C. Murphy – 2B Ferrero – P Flinn
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – RF Cronk – CF Malonado – 1B Anderson – SS E. Williams – P Sabre

After a decent first, Sabre was lit up for a 3-spot in the second inning, which included Wall and Chris Murphy hitting sharp singles, and with the Condors already up 1-0 a long homer to left from Noel Ferrero. Of course, always the ex-Coon that never did a ******* thing in the brown shirt. – I know, Nick, you are incensed. Who isn’t.

Portland loaded the bases with nobody out in the bottom 2nd. Cory Cronk walked, Maldonado singled, and Anderson walked again. Flinn walked in a run against Elijah Williams before Sabre hit a sac fly. Berto struck out, Cosmo flew out to center, and the Raccoons remained 3-2 behind. That was still the score when an ineffective Sabre, held together by defense and duct tape, was yanked in the sixth after both Dunlap and West reached base. Two down, David Fernandez came in for Chris Murphy. He then fell to 3-0, but Murphy poked, grounding to the right side. Anderson with the ball, toss to Fernandez – and he dropped it!! FOR ****’S SAKE!!! … Bases loaded for the Condors, .213 slugger Noel Ferrero up, with one home run on the season (grumble). Fernandez walked him in a full count, 4-2, then somehow struck out Flinn to end the inning…

Edward Flinn walked six Raccoons in a horrendous start, but nevertheless maintained the lead through seven innings. They were stuck on four base hits through seven, and through eight, then brought the bottom of the order up against closer Steve Bailey in the bottom 9th. Oliver Anderson singled up the middle before advancing on a wild pitch. Bailey had Williams at 0-2, then walked him anyway, bringing up the winning run in PH Danny Monge, who masterfully hit into a double play. Berto grounded out to Ferrero at second base for the final howl in the game. 4-2 Condors. Maldonado 3-4; Williams 0-1, 3 BB, RBI; Miller 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 0 K;

Maud! – Maud! – Maud, did Nick Valdes say anything to you? – No, he just got up and walked out.

Game 3
TIJ: SS Strohm – 1B McGrath – CF Simmons – RF Dunlap – C Wall – 3B R. West – LF C. Murphy – 2B Ferrero – P Z. Warner
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Cronk – C Morales – 1B Monge – SS E. Williams – P Johnson

Warner started with free passes to Berto and Cosmo, then threw a wild pitch. Manny Fernandez clipped a single to right for an instant 2-0 lead. A Ferrero error put Maldonado on, and Tony Morales drove in a run after Cronk’s strikeout and before Monge kept sabotaging every move we made. Williams popped out, stranding two in a 3-0 game. While Monge made a dumb error to allow Tom Dunlap to reach at the start of the top 2nd, Williams turned a 6-4-3 on Kurt Wall, then threw away a grounder by Rhett West for a 2-base error. – Slappy, I’ll have some One-Eyed Jack’s. The Special Edition with the warning label. – Thank you.

Tony Morales homered to right in the third inning, collecting Cory Cronk for a 5-0 lead that looked more comfy than it was because of no defense to speak of behind Drew Johnson, and he had also needed 49 pitches in just three innings, and walking Dunlap and Wall in long counts in the fourth was not exactly what we liked to see, either. He then hit a leadoff single off Warner to begin the bottom 4th. Berto walked, Cosmo singled, three on with nobody out again. Oh boy. Manny’s grounder and Maldo’s sac fly brought in a run each. Cory Cronk’s foul pop didn’t. Up by seven, Johnson finished six on exactly 100 pitches, which was all we’d gonna get from him. The Raccoons exploded for four runs on Dave Martinez in the bottom of the sixth, with a 3-run homer by Danny Monge that surprised everybody, even himself. The Raccoons tacked on two runs without doing anything but drawing walks off Omar Uribe in the bottom 8th; Uribe walked in a run, and plated another with a wild pitch. It was that sort of game. The Raccoons for once just had to stay still and win convincingly. 13-0 Raccoons!! Ramos 0-2, 4 BB; Maldonado 2-4, RBI; Morales 4-4, BB, HR, 2B, 4 RBI; Monge 2-3, 2 BB, HR, 3 RBI; Johnson 6.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K, W (8-6) and 1-3; Fonseca 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Two scoreless for Nelson Fonseca in his major league debut!

Raccoons (49-52) vs. Bayhawks (53-48) – July 29-31, 2039

We were, inexplicably, 6-0 against the Baybirds in 2039, which was the only crimp in their year. They were leading the South and could be more convincingly doing so without the Coons stumbling from win to win to win against them. They were second in runs scored, but in the bottom three in runs allowed, hinting subtly at some issues with roster construction, as was the CL-worst rotation by ERA.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (5-8, 3.79 ERA) vs. Josh Long (13-4, 3.01 ERA)
Steve Fidler (2-5, 4.09 ERA) vs. Rick Haugh (4-6, 4.66 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (8-2, 3.60 ERA) vs. Noe Candeloro (1-5, 5.50 ERA)

Southpaw on Sunday – unless they utilized their off day to skip Jose Moreno (5-9, 4.69 ERA) into the set. Why would they, though?

Amazingly, they were second in runs scored with the third-worst batting average. Homers galore, plus drawing a great many walks. Maybe we should put Bernie in protective foil or something. You know, Maud, the sort with the little air bubbles that you can pop.

Game 1
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – 1B Oshiita – RF D. Martinez – SS Greer – C Sailas – 3B Barcia – LF Calderon – P Long
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Ledford – 1B Anderson – SS Williams – C Morales – P Chavez

Berto singled, Cosmo was nicked, and Manny homered to right-center – another 3-0 lead in the first inning! Tony Morales added a solo bomb in the second, while only Sergio Barcia challenged either Bernie Chavez or the Raccoons defense the first time through, flying out to Manny at the fence in the third inning. Bernie retired 11 in a row, then allowed singles to Dick Oshiita and Dave Martinez before hitting Marshall Greer. Uh-oh, Cristiano, I hear a giant gong tolling to announce impending doom. – Didn’t you hear it, too? – You must booze more. – (Slappy nods approvingly) … Robbie Sailas hit a sharp 2-out grounder to the right side, but Cosmo remained on it and played it to first to end the inning before it could all fall apart once more.

Back-to-back doubles by Williams and Morales tacked on another run in the fourth inning, and the 5-0 lead remained true into the late innings, with the Bayhawks not reaching scoring position anymore as long as Bernie Chavez was on the mound. Unfortunately, he ran out of pitches before ending the game. Dan Schneller hit a 2-out single in the eighth on his 112th pitch, and that was deemed enough. Garavito replaced him and retired nobody, walking Dick Oshiita, allowing an RBI single to Dave Martinez, hit Marshall Greer, and allowed two runs to a Robbie Sailas single with the bases loaded. Enter Prieto, Barcia grounder to short, inning over. Portland countered with a run made out of a Maldonado double and an Anderson single off Jon Salls in the bottom 8th, then sent Jermaine Campbell, who allowed singles to Oscar Calderon and Mike Hall… and then somehow got a double play grounder from famed and fabled coonskinner Dan Schneller to end the game. 6-3 Coons. M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Anderson 2-4, RBI; Morales 2-3, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.2 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 8 K, W (6-8);

Starting to think the 2-year deal with Mauricio Garavito was a hit too enthusiastic……

7-0 and hopefully counting!

Game 2
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – 1B Oshiita – RF D. Martinez – SS Greer – C Sailas – 3B Barcia – LF Calderon – P Haugh
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – LF M. Fernandez – RF Ledford – C Morales – SS Williams – 1B Monge – P Fidler

While Fidler faced the minimum the first time through, with one hit and a double play in the box scored, the Raccoons had three hits, two double plays, and nothing to show for but another broken bottle on the ground in my office. Top 4th, Mike Hall singled, Dan Schneller homered to dead-center, I sighed. Bottom 4th, leadoff double by Maldonado. He scored on two groundouts, but the Raccoons kept going, putting Tony Morales, suddenly red hot, on with a single, and then Elijah Williams went well yard to left, flipping the score in the Raccoons’ favor, 3-2.

While Fidler allowed three hits and one walk through six innings, the Raccoons had Maldonado on base with a leadoff single in the bottom 6th. He stole second, then advanced on Manny’s groundout again. Ledford however struck out, and Morales flew out, stranding him there. Fidler was gone with two outs in the seventh after Marshall Greer had made it to second base after another Elijah Williams error. Crucially, left-hander Vinny Chavira pinch-hit for Barcia, and the Raccoons went to David Fernandez. He went into Ledford’s slot, Cory Cronk taking over rightfield in the double switch. The ploy worked, with Chavira striking out, stranding the tying run in scoring position, but Cronk hit into a double play after Monge’s 1-out single off Haugh in the bottom of the inning… Fernandez got one more out before being relieved by Prieto. Eduardo Umanzor hit a pinch-hit single. Dan Schneller hit another 2-piece, flipping the score again… SIGH.

Bottom 8th, Cosmo singled to left, then stole second base, his 26th of the year. That was with one out and Maldo up. Two groundouts stranded him at third base, which was such a delight. Prieto and Brent Clark held out in the ninth, after which we faced Tim Thweatt for the 6,000th time. The #5 slot led off, thus we’d open with a pinch-hitter, Ed Hooge, who flew out to center. Tony Morales, very much white hot now, staved off defeat with a homer to right! Tied score, all at four! Williams singled, and Anderson hit for Monge and walked in a full count, which meant 0-for-19 (in his career) Cory Cronk was next. Well, at least he was fast and wouldn’t hit into a double play. He struck out, Berto flew out to center, and the game went to extras.

There, Jermaine Campbell sucked, allowed a single to Oscar Calderon AGAIN, then walked the bags full with Hall and Schneller. While Justin Uliasz whiffed for the second out, Dave Martinez zinged a 2-out, 2-run single to break the tie against the Critters. Greer flew out to left, and the Raccoons choked in the bottom of the 10th against nothing-righty Josh Wilkes. 6-4 Bayhawks. Maldonado 2-5, 2B; Morales 3-4, HR, RBI; Williams 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Monge 2-3;

I can’t have anything nice.

Ever.

(Honeypaws stares blankly into the distance out of his googly black glass eyes)

Game 3
SFB: CF M. Hall – 2B Schneller – 1B Oshiita – RF D. Martinez – SS Greer – C Sailas – 3B Barcia – LF Dahlman – P J. Moreno
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Maldonado – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – 1B Monge – RF Cronk – P Bedrosian

The southpaw didn’t materialize, so the Raccoons had an all-righty week for their opposition. Dave Martinez also doubled home Mike Hall in the first, giving Jose Moreno a lead as he took the baseball. Cory Cronk had his first major league hit, a 2-out single in the bottom 2nd that sent Danny Monge to third base and set up Bedrosian, who tied the game with another single up the middle before Berto popped out. Moreno tried to make a comeback with a leadoff single off Bedrosian in the third, but was doubled up by Hall, and instead Cosmo hit a leadoff single, stole second base, and scored on Manny’s base hit to right in the bottom 3rd, giving Portland the lead. Hoogey added an RBI double with two outs before Monge flew out to center, and we were up 3-1 through three.

While Bedrosian flirted with disaster, stranding the tying runs on the corners in the fourth, he also hit another single to right in the bottom of the inning. That one chased Cory Cronk from first to third, and once Martinez threw the ball away allowed the rookie to score, 4-1. Then the Bayhawks ripped into him anyway. Josh Dahlman double, Mike Hall triple, a Schneller sac fly, and the lead was whittled down to 4-3 in the top of the fifth. What an acquisition this Ryan Bedrosian was… He walked two in the sixth before being yanked. Chris Miller cleaned up behind him – barely.

The Raccoons lingered with their tiny lead; David Fernandez put Oshiita on base in the seventh, but got a double play grounder from Martinez. Fonseca allowed a walk to Sailas in the eighth before Garavito got a double play grounder from PH Vinny Chavira. We were however stuck with Garavito for the ninth, too; Prieto and Campbell had both been out two days in a row, with long outings on Saturday. The only other reliever remaining was Brent Clark. Josh Dahlman struck out to begin the ninth. Umanzor grounded out to Berto. Hall singled to left. Schneller singled to center. Mound conference! At least Oshiita was up, a left-hander, but somehow Garavito’s eyes were filled with foreboding. He knew he had no idea how to get him out. After 803 apperances in the Bigs you just know, I guess. Oshiita snapped a grounder right at Cosmo, who remained in control of the play, and zinged the ball to first base to end the game. 4-3 Coons. Trevino 2-4, 2B; Cronk 2-4;

In other news

July 25 – The Falcons get offensive help with 38-year-old LF/RF Ken Gibbs (.304, 3 HR, 20 RBI). The Cyclones receive two prospects in exchange, including #70 CL Pedro de Leon.
July 26 – Vancouver INF Ramon Cabral (.243, 6 HR, 41 RBI) drives in six runs from the #8 hole in a 14-3 rush of the Bayhawks.
July 27 – The Falcons acquire 1B Justin LeClerc (.313, 8 HR, 48 RBI) from the Knights for LF/RF/1B Graciano Salto (.279, 5 HR, 35 RBI); they further trade SP Keith Black (6-10, 3.79 ERA) and cash to the Pacifics for 1B Mike Taylor, who had been in AAA all year, and a prospect.
July 27 – VAN MR Raymond Pearce (0-1, 11.57 ERA) has already walked the bases full, then strikes the Bayhawks’ Vinny Chavira (.243, 5 HR, 22 RBI) with an 0-2 pitch to hand a 4-3 walkoff win to San Francisco.
July 28 – CHA SP Jose Lerma (6-9, 3.49 ERA) goes eight innings for the win in a 5-3 victory over the Crusaders, sealing his 250th major league win. The 40-year-old Lerma, the 2023 FL Pitcher of the Year, is 250-226 with a 3.44 ERA and 3,597 strikeouts in his 20-year career.
July 28 – The Titans’ SP Rich Willett (11-5, 3.06 ERA) 3-hits the Thunder in a 5-0 shutout. Willett walks nobody and strikes out nine.
July 28 – Shoulder inflammation ends the season of NAS SP Geoff Whitehouse (7-1, 3.81 ERA). The Blue Sox hurriedly trade for Dallas’ SP/MR Tim Hale (11-5, 4.10 ERA), parting with two prospects.
July 29 – The Falcons send SP/MR Lorenzo Campos (7-4, 4.25 ERA) to the Cyclones for #21 prospect C David Pinedo.
July 30 – The Loggers get blitzed on three hits by OCT SP Chris Inderrieden (10-9, 3.00 ERA) in an 11-0 Thunder shutout.
July 31 – The Loggers walk off on the Thunder, 1-0 in ten innings, when infielder Ted Del Vecchio (.295, 8 HR, 50 RBI) draws a bases-loaded walk off Oklahoma’s Jake Bonnie (5-5, 4.47 ERA, 9 SV) in the bottom 10th.

FL Player of the Week: PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.348, 28 HR, 84 RBI), hitting .435 (10-23) with 4 HR, 7 RBI
CL Player of the Week: POR C Tony Morales (.280, 8 HR, 30 RBI), batting .667 (10-15) with 3 HR, 8 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.348, 28 HR, 84 RBI), swatting .427 with 10 HR, 24 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: CHA INF/LF/RF Jose Farfan (.309, 13 HR, 63 RBI), poking .340 with 7 HR, 22 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: PIT SP Roberto Pruneda (9-11, 3.25 ERA), rallying at 5-1, 1.62 ERA, 34 K
CL Pitcher of the Month: VAN SP Matt Sealock (13-3, 3.12 ERA), lucking out with 5-0, 3.14 ERA, 33 K
FL Rookie of the Month: DEN 1B Mark Cahill (.295, 11 HR, 55 RBI), hitting .292 with 2 HR, 13 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: IND OF David Gonzales (.301, 9 HR, 27 RBI), batting .346 with 3 HR, 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Should have traded with the Falcons. They have no clue what the **** they’re doing.

In the end, no trades were made. I couldn’t get the high-ranking prospects I thought we deserved. Things will have to develop in the winter. I doubt we will have the money needed to get all the pitching required to turn this one into a winner again.

Tony Morales has a 12-game hitting streak. The Raccoons also somehow posted a winning week despite being consistently crummy.

None of it matters. The season is in the bin, next year is a mystery, and there’s a guy standing in the door to Maud’s room, saying Nick Valdes has appointed him as the new GM. I’ll have to sort that one out. (coolly reveals the blunderbuss previously hidden under the desk)

(just as the new GM turns to flee, he stares into Maud’s ebony-handled XS-size revolver)

(Cristiano Carmona races towards him, screaming, with rotating scythe blades protruding from both of his rear wheels)

Fun Fact: The Raccoons previously went 8-1 against the Bayhawks three times.

1986, 2018, 2024 – all not exactly seasons to remember. Only once did we make the playoffs in a year we beat the Bayhawks eight times (2018), and then also fell short in the CLCS.

+++

Service announcement: Don’t wait for an update tomorrow. Colorado comes out for American Truck Simulator, and I need to chase down I-84 and I-70 from Portland to check it out

[Westheim]

Raccoons (51-53) @ Thunder (50-56) – August 1-3, 2039

Shaken by injuries, the Thunder were five games behind in a lousy CL South, but had gaping holes everywhere, especially in the pitching staff (tell me about it). They were eighth in runs scored, but second from the bottom in runs allowed with a -50 run differential. They also had the worst OBP in the Continental League. Starter Trevor Corrigan, infielder Jose Agosto, centerfielder Nate Shamhart, and a flurry of relievers were all on the DL for Oklahoma. The season series was tied at three. The Coons hadn’t lost it since ’33.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (9-6, 3.08 ERA) vs. Aaron Bryant (7-10, 5.47 ERA)
Drew Johnson (8-6, 3.10 ERA) vs. Sebastien Parham (1-4, 4.59 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-8, 3.62 ERA) vs. Brian Frain (9-5, 2.36 ERA)

The week would start with a southpaw, who the Raccoons actually had a winning record against, which went quite a bit against expectations. After that, right-handers.

Also, rain on Monday, giving the Raccoons a double-header on Tuesday and more pitching conundrums going forwards. Sabre remained in the first slot for Tuesday, as did Bryant. The only lineup change was parking Berto for the opener to try and not willfully break him with 18 innings of futile baseball in a single day. Danny Monge would bat leadoff again.

Game 1
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – RF Hooge – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – LF M. Fernandez – SS Williams – 3B Hernandez – P Sabre
OCT: SS Kuhn – 2B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Adames – LF E. Moore – CF Ringel – 3B Nieblas – P Bryant

There was no offense to speak of early on. Both teams had three base hits each in the first four innings, never stacking two into a single frame, and never landing extra bases, either. Portland did put two runners on with Kilmer and Maldo in the fourth, but Elijah Williams hit into a good old 6-4-3. Adrian Ringel hit a leadoff single for the Thunder in the fifth, which also led nowhere, but Ed Hooge actually found extra-base territory with a 1-out double to rightfield in the sixth. Jeff Kilmer pounced, singled up the middle, and Hoogey hustled around to score. What excitement! Maldo hit another single, but Manny Fernandez, struggling for weeks now, hit into a fielder’s choice, leaving Williams with runners on the corners and two outs, and he flew out all too easily to center. The Thunder responded with two soft singles by Al Martell and Danny Cruz, but then Jesus Adames hit into a double play to end the inning. And there was no flash about the pitching either. Through six innings of mutual 6-hit ball, Sabre struck out three, and Bryant whiffed absolutely nobody all the way until Sabre whiffed in the top of the seventh.

A Kilmer single and a Maldonado double put two in scoring position for slumping Manny Fernandez in the eighth, with one out on the board. The Raccoons sent a ******* pinch-hitter for *MVP Fernandez* - Berto grabbed a stick, grounded out to the left side as to keep the runners pinned, and then Bryant walked in a 2-out run by walking both Williams and Joel Hernandez. Tony Morales hit for Sabre with three on and two outs, but grounded out to Al Martell. The Portland bullpen inherited a 2-0 lead and at least was rather efficient in blowing it. Antonio Prieto nailed Jimmy Kuhn with an 0-2 pitch, walked John Marz on top of that, and when David Fernandez came in to face the switch-hitting Danny Cruz, he gave up a 412-foot bomb over a 410-foot sign in left-center. 3-2 Thunder. Hooge 2-5, 2B; Kilmer 3-3, 2 BB, RBI; Maldonado 2-4, BB, 2B; Sabre 7.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

I don’t want to hear your whining, Raffaello – you could have hit two home runs earlier and then you would have won!!

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Maldonado – LF Ledford – C Morales – CF Hooge – 1B Anderson – RF Cronk – P Johnson
OCT: CF C. Vega – 2B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – LF E. Moore – SS Kuhn – C Urfer – 3B Nieblas – P Parham

While the Raccoons had their 25 heads all crammed into the same plastic bag and were calmly suffocating, Drew Johnson gifted the Thunder a 1-0 lead in the bottom 2nd by throwing a wild pitch to score Ethan Moore, one pitch before Rick Urfer swung and missed for strike three to end the inning. No hits were involved in the making of that run, and in fact neither team had a hit through three innings, or through four, and *in fact* both teams should be disposed of in an unmarked landfill. That was not the sort of baseball anybody wanted to watch, just like they used to dispose of millions of videogame cartridges nobody wanted to play with…

The ABL’s first double-no-hitter went down the drain in the fifth inning, when Orlando Nieblas floated a 2-out single into shallow left near the line, uncatchable for anybody. Johnson struck out Parham to end the inning, but the Raccoons were still hitless, at least until Alberto Ramos robbed Parham of the glory of it all with a double to right in the sixth. Enrique Trevino then dutifully stranded him at second base. Bottom of the same inning, Al Martell legged out an infield single, stole not one, but two bases, and then scored on another 2-out homer by Danny Cruz. Maldonado opened the seventh with a double, and never even reached third base amidst two pops and a groundout. Johnson went seven, Parham went eight. Brent Clark struck out the side in the bottom 8th, and the Raccoons faced Jake Bonnie, a lefty with a 4.37 ERA for the second time on this day, and in nine pitches produced zero commotion. 3-0 Thunder.

56 games remaining.

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – C Morales – LF M. Fernandez – SS Williams – 1B Anderson – RF Cronk – P Chavez
OCT: SS Kuhn – 2B Martell – RF Marz – 1B D. Cruz – C Adames – LF E. Moore – CF Heskett – 3B Nieblas – P Frain

By Wednesday, the Raccoons cobbled a run together from Cosmo getting on, stealing second, and being singled in by Maldonado before the Raccoons loaded them up on a walk and an error, only to see Oliver Anderson strand everybody with a sad pop to Martell, who hit a 1-out floater for a single in the bottom 1st before being eliminated along with Marz in a strike-em-out-throw-em-out situation. No such luck in the second – Cruz walked, and Adames, Brian Heskett, and Nieblas all slapped singles off Berto, plating two runs for another deficit. At least Brian Frain struck out to strand a pair…

And it wasn’t like Bernie was pitching terribly – but he just couldn’t not fall for the big inning. “Big” meaning too much for the damn Coons to overcome, so basically one run. He gave up another run in the sixth inning, Ethan Moore with the sac fly after Cruz singled and Adames doubled, deepening the hole from 2-1 to 3-1. In other words his fuzzy bum was surely doomed. Maldonado drew a leadoff walk from righty Juan Ramos in the seventh. Morales popped out, but Manny Fernandez singled, putting the tying runs on base for Williams, who fed another grounder to the shortstop for a fielder’s choice. So did Anderson to end the inning.

Top 8th, another chance developed. Against southpaw Brian McAllister, Danny Monge hit for Cory Cronk and singled up the middle, and then Brad Ledford walked in the #9 hole formerly occupied by Mauricio Garavito. The tying runs were on AGAIN. Ramos flew out to Marz. Trevino grounded to Nieblas, who tapped third base to get the lead runner, a very defensible move given the speed of the batter, and now a single couldn’t tie the game. The Thunder then sent right-hander Dan Minelli against Maldonado, who popped out to short like a ******* loser. Losers they all were. The top of the ninth saw Jake Bonnie on the mound once more, and the Raccoons took an industrial-size grinder to him for over 30 pitches and were yet only polishing the young sophomore’s reputation. Manny Fernandez singled. Joel Hernandez hit for Anderson with two outs and walked. The tying runs were on again for Ed Hooge, last guy off the bench and batting for Nelson Fonseca in the #8 spot. He flew out to Carlos Vega. 3-1 Thunder. M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB; Monge (PH) 1-1;

55 games remaining.

Raccoons (51-56) vs. Crusaders (48-58) – August 4-7, 2039

There was … no point. But the Crusaders had made the trip, so for furball’s sake, let’s play the buggers. They were fifth in the North (soon fourth, probably), second from the bottom in runs scored, and sixth in runs allowed. We were up 4-3 in the season series. That could change quickly, too.

Projected matchups:
Steve Fidler (2-5, 3.91 ERA) vs. Jamal Barrow (4-8, 3.80 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (9-2, 3.66 ERA) vs. Julian Ponce (10-3, 3.25 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-6, 2.93 ERA) vs. Josh Brown (10-5, 3.11 ERA)
Drew Johnson (8-7, 3.15 ERA) vs. Gabriel Lara (4-11, 4.58 ERA)

Two southpaws sandwiched by two right-handers was what the Crusaders would cart up for us. Didn’t matter – we can lose against absolutely everybody. Left-handed, right-handed, no-handed – we got this **** figured out!

Game 1
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – CF Besaw – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – 3B B. Moore – SS J. Adams – P Barrow
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – C Morales – LF M. Fernandez – RF Ledford – SS Williams – 1B Anderson – P Fidler

Berto singled, stole second, and ended up stranded in the first inning. Chris Russell singled and Fidler walked the bags full in the second inning. While Jamal Barrow whiffed for the second out, Juan Garcia slapped a 2-run single through the left side to start the inevitable. Rich Salek singled to re-stock the bases, but Joe Besaw grounded out to leave the bases loaded. Bottom 2nd, Manny reached base, stole second, and was actually singled home by Elijah Williams. Barrow walked Anderson, got Fidler out, but walked Bernie to fill the bases with two outs for Cosmo … and Cosmo grounded out to Russell on the first pitch, stranding another three.

Fidler was the first Raccoons starter this week to be actively awful, throwing 61 pitches in three innings while walking four and allowing three hits. He walked a fifth guy, Garcia, with two outs in the fourth. Garcia stole second, was balked to third, and then was stranded when Maldonado made a sliding catch on Salek. Bottom 4th, Ledford single, Williams single, nobody out, before Anderson became the second Critter of the week to hit into a force play, 5-unassisted, which took special sucking power, too. Fidler bunted the runners over, Berto flew out to Besaw, and nobody scored.

And despite being utter HORSE ****, Steve Fidler failed his way through seven innings with a 3-hitter, albeit trailing 2-1, because the Crusaders were TERRIBLE as well. Problem was, the Coons were trying to limbo under a very low bar again, and with their stuffed tummies that created additional issues. The bottom 7th was sad, with Miller and Clark holding the fort in the top of the eighth. Barrow was still in the game in the bottom of the eighth, facing the “meat” of the order. And why would they make a move, he had yet to encounter any sort of trouble. Then he slipped walks to Tony Morales and Manny Fernandez. All of a sudden, panic in the pen – too late: Brad Ledford socked a homer to right-center and gave the Coons a 4-2 lead they didn’t deserve, and which Jermaine Campbell then did his utmost to blow in the ninth inning, allowing singles to Bill Moore and Ricardo Salmeron. Juan Garcia grounded to short, but the Raccoons could only get the out at second base, bringing up the .280 hitter Salek with two outs and the tying runs aboard. He struck out. 4-2 Coons. Ledford 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Williams 3-4, RBI;

First major league win for Brent Clark …!

…and 54 games remaining.

Game 2
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – CF Besaw – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – 3B B. Moore – C J. Herrera – SS J. Adams – P Ponce
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Ledford – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Bedrosian

Cosmo singled and Kilmer homered to left in the first inning, giving the Raccoons a 2-0 lead that doubled in the second when Cosmo slapped a single through the left side, plating Bedrosian and Berto with two outs. Neither of them had reached base under their own power – Berto had gotten aboard on Chris Russell’s throwing error for two bases, while Bedrosian had badly bunted to get Danny Monge forced out … and Monge had reached on another error to begin with. Cosmo stole second, but Kilmer grounded out to keep it 4-0.

Just when I almost felt alright in my fur, at least for a few seconds, Ryan Bedrosian walked Julian Ponce in the third inning, with nobody on, and it led nowhere for New York, but there it was right back – the feeling of inescapable doom. The Crusaders promptly slapped Bedrosian around for four hits and two runs in the fourth, and then he walked Ponce AGAIN with two outs and just enough room on the bases to not push home a run. Garcia flew out to center, stranding three, but oh boy. OH BOY. The Crusaders got Salek on via hit by pitch to begin the fifth, but also had Besaw smack into a 5-4-3 right away, and left Bedrosian alone in the sixth inning. Williams reached base with one out in the bottom 6th, and Bedrosian’s bunt was misfielded by a horde of interfering Crusaders players to give the Raccoons an extra runner after that. A wild pitch moved both of them into scoring position before Berto popped out, but Cosmo came through again with his second 2-out, 2-run single of the game, again establishing slam range for Portland. The Critters got a fourth 2-spot in the following inning when Danny Monge took Todd Lush deep to right-center, with Manny Fernandez on base. That would be well enough to win – Bedrosian made it through seven, and Garavito and Fonseca held the Crusaders off the bases after that. 8-2 Critters. Trevino 3-5, 4 RBI; Maldonado 3-4, 2B; Monge 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Williams 2-4; Bedrosian 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, W (10-2);

Well, so we won’t drop to fifth this week. Good job, boys. Good job.

Such a good job.

Cristiano, can you put the scythe blades back on your chair and then roll over me a couple dozen times, please? – Thank you. – You are such a good friend.

Cory Cronk was batting .111 and sent back to AAA for being no help. Steve Nickas was called up. He was all of 0-for-1 for the ’39 Coons. For the Alley Cats, he batted .245 with two homers.

Game 3
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – CF Pohl – 3B Sierra – SS J. Adams – P J. Brown
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Hooge – SS Williams – 3B Hernandez – P Sabre

Sabre went on short rest, having thrown 83 pitches on Tuesday. We planned on not pushing him beyond 80 to 85 in this start, either, even though he started like a fire engine, striking out the side in the first inning, which wasn’t very Sabreian. Tom Rudd then hit a solo homer in the second inning, so now we were getting back to reality. That was also about all that the Crusaders cobbled together in five innings, drawing 61 pitches out of Sabre’s limited allotment, but he also only struck out one further batter – Brown in the third. The Raccoons were being 3-hit and looked entirely content with it. Even a Cosmo double to lead off the bottom 4th couldn’t buy them a run.

Sabre ended up going seven innings of 3-hit, 1-run ball, all while dangling on Tom Rudd’s stupid hook. Pat Pohl ended the seventh with a pop to shallow right on his 86th pitch, and with that he would be removed as scheduled, with Maldonado, Hooge, and Williams making outs in order to keep him on that hook. It took a scoreless frame from Prieto in the top 8th, then a 2-out Monge double and a well-placed bloop single in no man’s land by Cosmo after that to get Sabre the no-decision he didn’t deserve… Once again it went all well too fast for the Crusaders, who had nobody ready in the pen, then witnessed Josh Brown give up a real bomb to Kilmer to give Portland the lead. Campbell retired the Crusaders in order to put this game away. 3-1 Blighters. Trevino 2-3, 2B, RBI; Kilmer 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K;

Poor Sabre can’t get a win no matter how much he deserves it… He pitched 14 innings for one earned run this week – no luck, no decision!

Game 4
NYC: 3B G. Ortiz – RF Salek – CF Besaw – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – 1B Rudd – LF Salmeron – SS J. Adams – P Lara
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Williams – CF Maldonado – C Morales – RF Ledford – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Anderson – 2B Nickas – P Johnson

Portland scratched out a run with a Ramos Special in the third inning as Berto singled, took second base on his own accords, and with Williams walking and Morales singling came around with two outs for the first marker in the game. A messy fourth saw Manny on base, caught stealing, but somehow Anderson and Nickas combined for two singles to send the former to third base with one out, and Drew Johnson hit a sac fly to Joe Besaw to extend the lead to 2-0. And the Crusaders? They amounted to two hits through five innings, and went down in order in the sixth against a solid Johnson, who was nevertheless not overpowering them with his otherworldly stuff. All looked well for six innings and 64 pitches, and then Joe Besaw hit a leadoff jack in the seventh, cutting the lead to 2-1. Johnson retired the next three, then was hit for after a soft Nickas single to begin the bottom 7th against Lara. Cosmo grabbed some wood, hitting into a fielder’s choice. Berto singled up the middle, the two took off and pulled off a double steal, and the Raccoons scratched out another chewy run on a sac fly by Williams. Maldonado was nicked, Morales grounded out to Russell to strand two. The Raccoons got Brent Clark to retire the bottom of the order in the eighth inning, then tacked a Ledford jack onto their lead, which grew to 4-1 in the bottom 8th. The Raccoons would proceed to put Nickas (walk) and Kilmer (single) on base, then had Berto slap a 2-run double to push the lead into “oughta be safe” space. Nelson Fonseca got the ninth rather than Campbell then, and retired the 1-2-3 just like that. 6-1 Critters. Ramos 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Morales 2-4, 2B, RBI; Nickas 2-3, BB; Kilmer (PH) 1-1; Johnson 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (9-7);

In other news

August 1 – CIN SP Ben Lipsky (6-9, 4.23 ERA) 1-hits the Stars in a 12-0 rout. Lipsky makes it to within four outs of a no-hitter before giving up a double to C Pacio Torreo (.272, 16 HR, 58 RBI).
August 1 – NYC SP Josh Brown (10-5, 3.11 ERA) and CL John Hennessy (4-3, 4.66 ERA, 23 SV) deliver a combined 1-hitter in a 3-2 win over the Bayhawks, who only break the H and R columns on 1B Justin Uliasz’ (.186, 5 HR, 19 RBI) 2-run homer in the fifth inning.
August 5 – The Aces lose SS Aiden Ackeret (.261, 0 HR, 7 RBI) for the season due to a concussion.
August 5 – Also on the DL would be LAP SP Andy Jimenes (7-10, 4.14 ERA), missing the rest of the month with a sprained ankle.
August 7 – 400 career saves for DAL CL Josh Boles (3-5, 4.83 ERA, 22 SV)! The 35-year-old left-hander turns away the Scorpions to save the Stars’ 5-4 win. Boles, a 3-time Reliever of the Year and 2-time World Series winner, has made 851 relief appearances for a 56-64 record and 2.95 ERA in his career. He has struck out 1,019 batters.
August 7 – NAS 3B/2B Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.324, 11 HR, 61 RBI) is also out for the month with chronic back soreness hampering the 33-year-old.

FL Player of the Week: SFW LF/1B Melvin Hernandez (.311, 15 HR, 62 RBI), hitting .500 (13-26) with 3 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB INF Sergio Barcia (.243, 7 HR, 46 RBI), hitting .481 (13-27) with 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Grand-uncle Wilbur’s headstone reads “He loved nature, right up until he died of poisoned mushrooms he gathered in the forest”; there is something poetic about it.

There is nothing poetic about the Raccoons, who played a 3-game set in two days against the Thunder this week, used only eight pitchers and none more than once, never allowed more than three runs in a game, lost all of them anyway, and as far as the double-header was concerned, the Thunder used only ONE reliever in that game – Bonnie, who saved both games and needed only 25 pitches between two ninth innings that were completely for the ***. “Well oh yes, but we almost tired him on Wednesday” one of the little miscreants bickered after the sweep was complete. WELL YES BUT YOU ******* LOST ANYWAY!!

As an additional goodie, they crammed the three losses into less than seven hours of game time. 2:23 in the opener, and 2:17 twice after that. Almost as if they preferred to be out of their pretty brown uniform!!!

Yes, they swept the Crusaders after that, but … eh. Too little, too late.

(looks at the division standings)

(gets up and grabs tiny wicker basket with a red-and-white checkered cloth in it) I’ll be gathering mushrooms, Cristiano. The red ones with the white spots are the best, I hear.

Fun Fact: Josh Boles won one Reliever of the Year award and both his rings with the Raccoons.

That was from 2026 through 2028 – when we had a winning package that actually won all the way to the end.

Oh well, maybe next decade.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (55-56) vs. Titans (66-44) – August 8-11, 2039

The Titans were three and a half games back of the damn Elks in the division, and those were the only teams that mattered anymore in the CL North. They conceded the fewest runs in the league, but they also had the lowest batting average of any team. They also had little if any power, but had enough on-base qualities and speed to score the seventh-most runs. It was enough for a +81 run differential (Coons: +30) … and to grab a handful of Raccoons at the tail, and whack them from one corner of the room into the next and the next and then the one on the other side… the Titans led the season series a modest 9-2. The damn Coons were the only reason they were even relevant for the playoffs…

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (6-9, 3.67 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (6-9, 4.52 ERA)
Steve Fidler (2-5, 3.75 ERA) vs. Leonhart Becker (9-6, 1.80 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (10-2, 3.61 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (15-4, 2.85 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-6, 2.85 ERA) vs. Javy Santana (5-7, 3.29 ERA)

Left-handers on the inside, right-handers on the outside of the Titans’ array of arms here. Maybe we’d score six runs.

In total.

Game 1
BOS: SS Bunyon – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – RF Calais – C Kuehn – 2B Toney – P Hicks
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – C Morales – RF Ledford – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Anderson – SS Nickas – P Chavez

Monday’s game featured the same ****** plot as all games against the Titans did in recent memory, like every second episode of February of a 10th-season sitcom you had ever seen. Bernie Chavez was good for a bit, then he stopped being good, and they immediately picked up a couple of runs with no great effort whatsoever. Bernie retired ten in a row to begin his start, then allowed a double to Antonio Gil. Mark Vermillion grounded out, but Willie Vega slapped an RBI single, stole second, and came home on another single by Jose Garcia. That of course made it 2-0 because the bottom halves of innings still featured the bloody Raccoons who couldn’t do anything. Jesus Maldonado hit a leadoff double in the bottom 4th – and was stranded after groundout, strikeout, groundout. That kind of team. Mark Vermillion hit a homer in the sixth. Well, it was Bernie Chavez. If he doesn’t serve a bomb every game, how would you know it’s BERNIE?? Oh, and another one to Paul Kuehn in the seventh. It’s hard to stand on just one leg, I hear. That was the hole game. The time the Raccoons left Maldonado on third base was the only time they had a runner on third base. Hicks struck out eight and finished the game in under 2:30 … 4-0 Titans. Ramos 2-4;

Oliver Anderson was 1-for-3 before being double-switched out of the game. Since late July he was 6-for-31, and the Raccoons ended the first base platoon shenanigans by sending him back to St. Petersburg. The acute reason for the move was Troy Greenway coming off the DL for Tuesday, but even without that it was time to shift Anderson, because … well, 6-for-31 in almost three weeks.

Game 2
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Dear – SS J. Davis – 2B Toney – P Becker
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – LF Ledford – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Fidler

Like Monday, Tuesday felt like a rerun, but was actually just the same boring plot all over – Captain Kork being left alone in the shuttle with the blue Rigellian slave girl, or something like that. I never paid too close attention to the TV in my youth. The early innings were both score- and hapless, with the Raccoons getting no-hit through three by Leonhart Becker, who I chose to call “Sauerkraut” now, because he was a kraut and he made me ******* sour. Steve Fidler also did not allow a run through three, then had his strings plucked all out of tune in the fourth. Willie Vega singled, Jose Garcia walked, Matt Dear singled. Three on, no outs, goodnight Portland, maybe tomorrow, and you know, as always, maybe next year. The bottom of the order was up, and John Davis sent a bouncer to Ramos. Berto got an out at first base, but the first run of the game scored. Mike Toney then flew out in shallow center, keeping the runners pinned. So with two outs, Becker zinged a soft line to shallow center, scoring both runners, and making this a 3-0 game. (slams both fists on the desk) Maud!! Can you believe it?? Hasn’t he heard we won the war?? What does he keep on fighting for!!??

Matt Dear’s 2-run homer with two outs in the fifth put the game to bed for the day, even though it had yet to be concluded on the scoreboard. Jeff Kilmer even hit a single in the bottom 5th, staving off the specter of getting no-hit by Sauerkraut, but of course this didn’t amount to a rally, mainly because Ledford popped out and Danny Monge shoved a ball into Toney’s mitten for a double play. Fidler lasted six, while Sauerkraut looked like he’d last a dozen if the umpires let him. The Kilmer single stood alone through six, through seven, and through eight. Then Ed Hooge pinch-hit for Elijah Williams to start the bottom 9th and grounded to Toney. The defender threw the ball away, and Hoogey went to second base, an extremely unfamiliar sight: a Raccoon in scoring position. Joel Hernandez struck out. Berto singled to center, plating the unearned run. Sauerkraut walked Cosmo, then was yanked with an unearned tussle on the Titans’ stompers. Mike Hugh – with an ERA barely worse than Sauerkraut’s – came into the game, popped up Maldonado, but allowed a single to Greenway, bringing up the tying run with two outs in Jeff Kilmer, who pushed a grounder into shallow center for two runs, and now the winning run appeared at the plate. Brad Ledford grounded out to John Davis, though. 5-3 Titans. Kilmer 2-4, 2 RBI;

All our runs were charged to Sauerkraut, but unearned. Oh never mind. – Maud, call Washington please. – No, not the Capitals. The President Hilton administration. – I have to convince her to do a retaliation strike against… where does he come from… Appenwhy- … Appenwhee- … Appenweier…? In Baden-Wu- … Wu- … Ah **** it, she should just order the whole country cluster-bombed!

Game 3
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Dear – SS Bunyon – 2B Toney – P M. Gonzalez
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – SS Williams – 3B Hernandez – P Bedrosian

While I was denied my request for a retaliation strike on Appenweier, Baden-Wuerttemberg, at least Jeff Kilmer threw out Moises Avila trying to steal third base in the opening frame on Wednesday. In the second inning he threw away the ball on Willie Vega’s attempt to steal second, sending the runner to third anyway. Matt Dear hit a sac fly to center, 1-0. (groans and walks over to the trusty brown couch, Honeypaws, and Slappy) Slappy, please tell me, how can you watch this dismal team day in, day out, on TV and never once curse in anger? (is handed a bottle o’ booze) I see.

Bottom 2nd, Kilmer, Manny, and Williams loaded the bases with nobody out against Gonzalez. Joel Hernandez flew out to Avila in too-shallow right to send Kilmer, Bedrosian popped out on an 0-2 pitch, and Monge popped out on a 1-0 pitch. 1-0 remained the score as well, and not for the brown team. Now, Kilmer *did* double in Troy Greenway in the bottom 3rd to tie the score, but before long Matt Dear hit a homer to center and it was untied again just as it started to rain in the fifth inning. Come the sixth, Bedrosian walked Avila on four pitches, then gave up a home run to Antonio Gil, who was about as prolific a power hitter as Berto. That was also the end of the game, with the rain coming down hefty after that, and after an hour under rain delay the umps rightfully decided that the Raccoons weren’t going to make up a 3-run deficit anyway and thus called the game. 4-1 Titans. Kilmer 2-3, 2B, RBI;

Bedrosian whiffed eight in 5.1 innings of what counted as a complete game.

The good thing was that the prospect of going 2-16 against Boston this year wasn’t particularly shocking me anymore – the Raccoons had literally already done so once before in ’22.

Game 4
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – SS Bunyon – C Kuehn – 2B Toney – P J. Santana
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Hooge – C Morales – RF Ledford – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Sabre

Despite Avila singling, stealing second, and scoring on a Vega single in the top 1st, the Raccoons took their first actual LEAD of the week in the second inning, and it was only THURSDAY! Ledford singled and was balked to second base by Santana, then scored to tie the game when Manny singled in a full count. Danny Monge was hit, Elijah Williams singled to score Fernandez from second, and it was Boston 1, Portland 2. TWO!! TWO WHOLE RUNS!! (giggles madly) Then the inning ended as quickly as feasible, with Sabre bunting and Berto grounding out to second base.

The Titans loaded the bases against Sabre in the third, with Avila and Vega getting on base *again* (although the former was forced out on a Gil grounder). Jose Garcia walked to fill them up with two outs, but Donovan Bunyon popped out. Sabre held out, although he had his pitch count run up by the pesky Titans, while Santana was run from the game altogether in the bottom 5th when Tony Morales doubled home Cosmo and Hoogey with nobody out to raise the lead to 4-1. Ledford singled off Daniel Miller, and the lefty then served up a 3-run homer to Manny Fernandez, blowing the lead up to six runs. There was however not much more to be seen from Sabre; he bunted into a double play to end the inning, then logged only two more grinding outs before Bunyon doubled on a 3-2 pitch in the sixth, ending his day after 113 laborious pitches. Prieto struck out Kuehn to close his line, though. Portland added a run in the seventh against Ben Darr that was doubly-unearned and best not talked about.

All was well until the ninth and Nelson Fonseca. Sean Calais singled. Kuehn walked. Toney dished a bomb, and it was 8-4. No reason to panic just yet, but Fonseca walked Moises Avila, David Fernandez walked Gil, and suddenly the tying run was in the on-deck circle. Oh please no. Just no. Just don’t. Don’t. They didn’t. Vermillion hit a grounder for a 4-6-3, and the game ended. 8-4 Raccoons. Hooge 3-5, 2B; Ledford 2-4, BB; M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, 4 RBI;

Raccoons (56-59) @ Warriors (45-68) – August 12-14, 2039

For as long as the miserable ’39 Coons had roamed the land, they occasionally found a team even more miserable. Then usually promptly lost three games to them. The Warriors were fifth in the FL West, seventh in runs allowed in the Federal League, and bottoms in runs scored, with a -86 run differential. They were worst in getting on base, meh in the power department, but quirky with taking extra bases, sitting second in steals in the FL. We had lost two of three to them last year, and had not won a series from them since our season ended at the ******* paws of NICK LESTER.

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (9-7, 3.03 ERA) vs. Jose Medina (3-4, 3.28 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-10, 3.73 ERA) vs. Tony Galligher (6-12, 4.33 ERA)
Steve Fidler (2-6, 4.10 ERA) vs. Mike Kiah (3-11, 5.13 ERA)

Two left-handers, then a right-hander I never even heard of on Sunday. Kiah was a 27-year-old guy routinely travelling back and forth between Sioux Falls and Buffalo. He was a #22 pick in ’32.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – 1B Monge – LF M. Fernandez – SS E. Williams – P Johnson
SFW: RF O. Mendoza – 1B Zuazo – 2B M. Colon – C McCullar – LF M. Hernandez – SS Villegas – CF Will Ojeda – 3B Conner – P J. Medina

Oscar Mendoza tripled into the rightfield corner on Drew Johnson’s very first pitch, then was thrown out at home plate by Maldonado on Alvin Zuazo’s easy fly to center. First score would instead be with the Raccoons, a revolutionary concept I wouldn’t be against if we explored it a bit further down the road. Cosmo hit a 2-out single in the third, then immediately scored on a Maldonado double to go up 1-0, with Greenway flying out to left. The same sequence repeated in the fourth inning, then with Fernandez and Williams in the feature parts. Johnson held up for the moment, not allowing a hit after the Mendoza triple, and the Raccoons loaded the bases in the fifth inning, albeit with two outs and after Greenway reached on an error. He was on second base, between Cosmo (forced out Berto) and Kilmer. Danny Monge grounded out to short. Melvin Hernandez then hit a leadoff double over Greenway in the bottom 5th. Johnson angrily stomped around the mound, then got a grounder from Alex Villegas that kept the runner on second. Will Ojeda flew out, and Josh Conner got four wide ones intentionally, only for Medina to flick a single to Maldonado’s feet with two outs. Bases loaded, Mendoza struck out ripping, stranding a full set as well.

But Johnson’s time was up – he retired nobody in the bottom 6th. Zuazo singled, Mario Colon ripped a double, and Ethan McCullar dropped an RBI single. It was 2-1, runners were on the corners, and the Raccoons sent Prieto instead. He tied the game by giving up a single to Hernandez right away, loaded the bases with a walk, and somehow the Warriors’ own ineptness led to them stranding another full set – Prieto had nothing to do with it. Both teams poked for no great results in the next two innings, with Clark and Miller keeping the Warriors away. Closer Andy Hyden got two outs in steady rain in the ninth before Cosmo singled. He stole second base, and Maldonado got nailed, bringing up Greenway, who had probably been secretly exchanged for his debilitated twin during the offseason. A year ago we would have expected a 3-run homer. Now I expected a 3-strike out. He popped out to Colon, which had the same stupid effect. Bottom 9th, David Fernandez allowed 1-out singles to Sergio Riquenes and Zuazo before Riquenes took off and was thrown out at third base for out number two. Colon flew out to right, sending the game to extras, where the top 10th saw lefty Seth Odum advance Raccoons around the bases in the slowest way possible. Kilmer single. Manny Fernandez single. Williams single. With the bases loaded, an infield single by Ed Hooge in the #9 hole, and that one broke the tie. Berto struck out, continuing a bleak day, and Cosmo rolled out to short, sending Jermaine Campbell out with the 3-2 lead. McCullar homered on his second pitch to tie the game. Melvin Hernandez homered on his seventh pitch to end it. 4-3 Warriors. Trevino 3-6; Maldonado 2-4, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-5; Williams 2-5, 2B, RBI; Hooge 1-2, RBI;

**** Jermaine Campbell.

Just **** the guy.

Game 2
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – SS Williams – LF Ledford – 3B J. Hernandez – P Chavez
SFW: RF O. Mendoza – 1B Zuazo – 2B M. Colon – C McCullar – SS Villegas – CF Will Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 3B Conner – P Galligher

A Cosmo single, a stolen base, a grounder, and a balk worked out for a run in the first inning, but I’d take it; I couldn’t get anything else. That balk was about everything that worked, because it took a chance away from Troy Greenway to score somebody in scoring position. He ticked that box in the third inning, with Cosmo and Maldo in scoring position and two outs, flying out to Justin Williams. Oh, and Jeff Kilmer – who threw out two base runners in the early frames, but didn’t get anything done with the stick either.

Top 5th, Monge singled, and Cosmo doubled with two outs, putting runners in scoring position again. Maldonado flew out to center, and that was another two left in scoring position. While we were waiting for the inevitable pair of solo homers beaten out of Bernie Chavez’ fur to lose this game, the Raccoons scratched out a run in the sixth on an Elijah Williams grounder. He brought home Kilmer, who had hit a modestly dangerous fly to center that Will Ojeda had botched into a 1-out triple; alas, 2-0 Critters. Kilmer threw out Mendoza, who opened the bottom 6th with a single and tried to get his 40th stolen base. Bernie continued with a single to Colon, walking McCullar, and then getting Ledford to snatch Villegas’ floater on the run to end the ******* inning. The next one was even worse.

Bottom 7th. Will Ojeda opened it with a single. Justin Williams doubled to right. Tying runs in scoring position with nobody out – ya-ya, here it comes! Bernie remained in for Conner, who was hitting over .300 with four homers against him for his career, but we kinda wanted to force their hand with a pinch-hitter for Galligher *before* we went to the pen. In the event Conner lined out to right, the runners held, and the Warriors did not send a pinch-hitter after all. Bernie remained in – and gave up a gapper to tie the game to the ******* opposing pitcher. SIGH. Exit Chavez, enter Garavito; exit Mendoza, too, enter Ron Miller jr., a righty hitting .204 – first pitch zinged to right-center and dinked in, Galligher boogied home, and it was 3-2 Warriors. SIGH. Exit Garavito after ONE ******* PITCH, enter Chris Miller. Mel Hernandez hit for Zuazo, but popped out. Colon grounded to short, with Elijah Williams borking the play and putting a second runner on. McCullar then hit a goddamn ******* homer to left. In ten minutes, three Raccoons pitchers threw nine baseballs, and gave up six ******* runs on them. 6-2 Warriors. Trevino 3-4, 2B; Maldonado 2-4;

I didn’t get out of bed on Sunday morning. What for? I remained face down in bed in my hotel room, just mumbling to the installed spy software to put the radio on the W-HEEHAW channel, which carried Warriors games locally.

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – C Morales – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Monge – SS Nickas – P Fidler
SFW: RF O. Mendoza – 1B Zuazo – 2B M. Colon – C McCullar – LF M. Hernandez – SS Villegas – CF Will Ojeda – 3B Conner – P Kiah

Berto grounded out to start the game, but Cosmo reached on an error, Hooge singled, and Greenway walked to fill the bases. Tony Morales rolled a ball through the middle for an RBI single, Manny’s sac fly made it 2-0, and Monge grounded out to kill it all. Nickas turned a double play behind Fidler in the bottom 1st, then drew a leadoff walk in the second inning. He was bunted over, then ran on Berto’s single. Mel Hernandez in left needed a perfect pick and even better throw, but overran the ball for an error that put Berto on second with an RBI single because Nickas would have scored anyway. Groundout, strikeout, Berto remained stranded, but it was 3-0, at least until Villegas hit a jack in the bottom of the inning. Then it was 3-1. I sighed into the pillow. It was fluffy.

Greenway’s leadoff double turned into a run in the third inning by means of a groundout and a wild pitch – at least they all counted the same, whether actually driven in by a Critter or gifted by a confused bloke. Greenway hit a 2-out single to right in the fourth that sent Hooge to third base. Tony Morales plated both with a double firmly wedged in the rightfield corner, 6-1. Manny singled, but Monge flew out to right, continuing to be the most worthless .300 hitter seven figures could buy. Colon hit a solo jack off Fidler in the bottom of the inning, and those two solo bombs were actually the only base knocks Sioux Falls got off Fidler through five. They went to the corners on singles in the sixth, with Manny Fernandez blatantly robbing Mel Hernandez in the gap with two outs to keep the score neat and tidy at 6-2. Nothing happened in the seventh; both teams then scratched out a run in the eighth. Cosmo got on, stole a base, and somehow was stumbled around by the next couple o’ suckers. Mendoza then tripled off Garavito, and Prieto conceded that run on an Alvin Zuazo single. At least Brent Clark held up in the ninth… 7-3 Critters. Hooge 2-4, RBI; Greenway 2-4, BB, 2B; Morales 2-4, BB, 2B, 3 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, RBI; Nickas 1-2, 2 BB; Maldonado (PH) 1-1; Fidler 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (3-6);

Then I listened to old time country music until a couple of guys from the team collected me from the room and carried me to the team bus.

In other news

August 8 – CHA 3B/2B/OF Jose Farfan (.310, 15 HR, 76 RBI) misses the cycle by the triple but drives in seven runs for the Falcons in a 15-8 ruckus win over the Knights.
August 9 – The Indians hit seven home runs in a 15-12 slugfest win over the Crusaders, who hit three. Indy’s 3B Dan Hutson ((.248, 26 HR, 68 RBI) and 1B Pat Dodson (.292, 19 HR, 64 RBI) hit two homers apiece, but all are solo deeds. IND RF/LF Mario Ochoa (.274, 12 HR, 43 RBI) drives in five on three hits including a 3-run homer.
August 9 – The Aces’ CL Damon DeOrio (3-6, 4.61 ERA, 19 SV) blows a 3-2 lead in style, giving up a walkoff grand slam to the Bayhawks’ RF/LF/1B Dave Martinez (.298, 13 HR, 53 RBI) for a 6-3 Bayhawks victory.
August 9 – The Gold Sox walk off on the Scorpions in the 15th inning, 3-2, after ten innings of scoreless poking. OF Sid Haynie (.175, 0 HR, 16 RBI) slaps a walkoff double off Craig Czyszczon (2-3, 4.34 ERA).
August 10 – SFB SP John Kennedy (5-13, 4.27 ERA) 3-hits the Wolves in a 3-0 shutout.
August 10 – The Cyclones out-hit the Capitals, 11-5, yet manage to lose the game, 4-1. They score a run on three singles in the first, then twice hit a pair of singles before hitting into a double play, and finally make it a habit of getting a hit per inning and nothing else.
August 12 – OCT OF Ethan Moore (.268, 8 HR, 56 RBI) would miss three weeks with a strained hammy.
August 13 – TOP SP David Elliott (8-10, 3.08 ERA) is out for the season with shoulder inflammation.
August 14 – The Loggers win 1-0 over the Scorpions on nothing but a homer by INF/RF Victor Acosta (.243, 3 HR, 30 RBI), but MIL OF Danny Valenzuela (.256, 1 HR, 27 RBI) is done for the year with ruptured foot tendon.

FL Player of the Week: DAL 2B Hugo Acosta (.323, 4 HR, 52 RBI), hitting .500 (11-22) with 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: VAN C Timóteo Clemente (.377, 8 HR, 41 RBI), batting .480 (12-25) with 1 HR, 3 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Well, this was … *a* week. We’ll have another week … *next* week. It’s gonna be the Miners and … oh goody, the damn Elks!

I don’t know what to say about this anymore. They are atrocious. That is basically it.

Tidbits include Bernie Chavez losing four of his last five starts and winning one of his last seven, but shaving 14 points off his ERA. Danny Monge is batting .136, while facing four southpaws this week. Our two hottest batters are actually our catchers – for their last 11, 12 games each, both Kilmer and Morales are hitting over .400, with 5 HR and 21 RBI between them.

And it isn’t all that ******* helpful.

Fun Fact: Nick Lester never pitched in a major league game after blowing up in the 2020 tie-breaker with the Loggers.

He had a 2.70 ERA that year, but had been through horrendous cups of coffee for four years before that. He only made 53 appearances total, pitching 40.2 innings and whiffing 35 against 26 walks and four homers. 2-4 with a save and a 6.20 ERA. He was with the Blue Sox after being canned in 2021, but never got back to the majors.

[DD Martin]

President Hilton lol, sure why not. Is the VP Nicole?

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by DD Martin

President Hilton lol, sure why not. Is the VP Nicole?

Don't make me google stuff.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (57-61) vs. Miners (60-57) – August 15-17, 2039

Final games against a Federal League team this year. (sour look) They had lost five in a row, so that already meant nothing, because the Critters were just completely anemic and hopeless. Pittsburgh sat fifth in both runs scored and runs allowed. Their run differential was +31 (Coons: +24). We had played the Miners for four straight years, and had lost the series every single time. Last time ‘round we’d won one of three.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (10-3, 3.66 ERA) vs. Roberto Pruneda (9-12, 3.23 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-6, 2.80 ERA) vs. Matt Peterson (5-5, 5.25 ERA)
Drew Johnson (9-7, 3.06 ERA) vs. Tito Fuentes (9-2, 3.36 ERA)

We’d face three right-handers in this brief homestand.

With the Miners you always looked at Danny Santillano (.345, 29 HR, 93 RBI). He was The Batter in their lineup.

Game 1
PIT: SS Rowell – C Zarate – 1B Santillano – 3B Lastrade – CF Wade – 2B Majano – LF Palbes – RF Ugolino – P Pruneda
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Morales – LF Ledford – SS Williams – 1B Monge – P Bedrosian

The Raccoons started the week with three singles and a run driven in for Manny Fernandez before Troy Greenway hit into a double play to more or less kill the inning. The Miners hit three singles for a run of their own in the third, with Juan Palbes and Fabien Ugolino getting on to begin the inning. Rick Rowell singled home a run, and Danny Zarate slapped a grounder to Berto for a 5-4-3 double play to kill that inning too. The Miners had only one other hit through five, while the Critters had four, but couldn’t piece anything else together. Brad Ledford led off the sixth with a single, and was stranded like everybody else. Berto walked to begin the bottom 7th, but then was forced out by Cosmo, who stole his way to third base before scoring the tie-breaking run on a Fernandez sac fly. Like glue! Bedrosian was on 94 pitches and replaced with David Fernandez, who retired the bottom of the order, including the left-handed batting Juan Palbes (formerly of the Condors) and Fabien Ugolino, without issues. The Raccoons couldn’t scratch out an insurance run, then had to send Jermaine Campbell without, facing the top of the order. Rick Rowell hit a rocket to left that Ledford caught, but that left singe marks in the glove. There was no catching Zarate’s gapper that fell for a double, which brought up invincible Danny Santillano. The Raccoons didn’t bite and walked him intentionally, bringing up all 230 (advertised) pounds of Omar Lastrade, who looked more like his .278 batting average. He lined out to Berto. Adrian Wade grounded out, and somehow the Coons won a ballgame. 2-1 Blighters. M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 RBI; Williams 2-4; Bedrosian 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, W (11-3);

Between games, Mauricio Garavito came down with a virus and was isolated in an oxygen tent by Dr. Padilla, who was a real fanatic about healing players as quickly as possible. Garavito would be unavailable for at least the next two games, though.

Game 2
PIT: SS Rowell – LF Palbes – 1B Santillano – 3B Lastrade – CF Wade – 2B Majano – C Raymond – RF Ugolino – P M. Peterson
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – 1B Monge – SS Hernandez – P Sabre

Troy Greenway briefly ceased being dead from the waste up and hit a 2-out, 3-run homer to score Berto and Manny in the first inning. Sabre struck out three the first time through the order, not allowing much trouble to occur, but ran into Santillano eventually. The vivid slugger hit a double to right with one down in the fourth, and Omar Lastrade also landed a hit in Greenway’s territory, near the line. Santillano went for home, which inspired Lastrade to go from first to second … *before* Greenway even threw home. Greenway considered his options, and instead threw out the bumbling Lastrade at second base. That was the only run off Sabre through five, and while the Raccoons batted around the order against Peterson in the bottom 5th it transpired that it would be his last inning of the game. Dr. Padilla diagnosed an oblique tweak and removed Sabre from the game. Berto, Cosmo, Morales all landed hits, the latter two each getting home a run; Greenway walked, Maldonado singled, Monge hit an RBI single, and the score went up to 6-1.*

Pittsburgh made up a run with straight 2-out singles in the sixth, Santillano, Lastrade, and Wade all poking for a base hit against Brent Clark. The Raccoons countered with a run of their own in the bottom of the inning after Nickas, Ramos, and Trevino loaded the bags with no outs. Manny’s grounder got one run home, and that would be all of it, and also the last moment before it all started to fall apart. The Raccoons had Miller strike out the bottom of the order in the seventh, but he nailed Rowell to start the eighth. Back to David Fernandez, who gave up a homer to Juan Palbes, 7-4, put Lastrade on, and gave up a homer to Wade, too, 7-6. Campbell was sent into battle to get FIVE outs this time. Groundouts from recently-a-Coon Alex Majano and Bryant Raymond at least ended the eighth for a start. In the ninth Mark Walker hit a pinch-hit single with one out, but Rowell flew out to Ed Hooge in center. Palbes struck out, thankfully, because I wouldn’t have known were to put Santillano. 7-6 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4, BB; Trevino 3-4, 2B, RBI; Greenway 1-2, 2 BB, HR, 3 RBI; Monge 2-4, RBI; Sabre 5.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (11-6); Campbell 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, SV (23);

The good news – Raffaello Sabre would be fine to make his next start as scheduled.

The bad news – We still need an entirely new bullpen this winter.

Jon Caskey came off the DL and was assigned to the Alley Cats for rehab.

Game 3
PIT: SS Rowell – C Zarate – 3B Lastrade – CF Wade – 2B Majano – LF Palbes – 1B Ponto – RF Ugolino – P T. Fuentes
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Johnson

Santillano had a day off in the finale – no excuses, Drew Johnson, we expect a shutout!! Before Johnson could get close to that, the Raccoons gave him another 3-spot in the first inning, but this time did it bit by bit. Cosmo got on, Manny drove him in, Kilmer doubled the runner home, and then scored on Maldo’s single to right. Adrian Wade’s leadoff jack then took it all away as early as the second inning. The Raccoons got that run back, though, with straight 2-out singles by their 1-2-3 hitters in the bottom 2nd. Fabien Ugolino’s leadoff double and two productive outs got another run on the board for Pittsburgh in the third, but the Critters did the same trick after Kilmer ripped a leadoff double, getting up to 5-2. Johnson then loaded the bases rather quickly in the fourth inning. Lastrade singled, so did Wade. Majano popped out, but Johnson walked Juan Palbes to get three aboard. Devon Ponto was a 23-year-old rookie with one career hit and spotting Santillano in this game. He flew out to Manny in shallow left, holding all the runners, and Manny raced back to catch an Ugolino drive to strand all their runners.

Ponto left the game with an injury after five innings, but the Miners were determined to give Santillano his day off and Mark Walker would replace him. Nobody would touch Johnson through the seventh inning stretch, with the score still 5-2 at that point. Johnson was out on account of 100 pitches. Prieto walked Zarate in the eighth, but also struck out two and the Miners didn’t get any closer. Nor did the Critters get further away in the bottom 8th. Monge got on, and Williams hit into a double play. That was that. Campbell was not available after getting eight outs in two days, so the Raccoons turned to Brent Clark; after the right-handed Majano, the Miners had a bunch of left-handers coming up. Majano walked, and Palbes singled. The tying run was at the plate with nobody out, and Bryant Raymond hit for Walker. Raymond was batting .133 and struck out. Nobody hit for .221 Fabien Ugolino, and struck out, and then ex-Titan stalwart Adam Corder pinch-hit. He was also right-handed, but also batting .160, and, you know, why not!? Brent “Youth of America” Clark was gonna face him, and gave up a single to center. The bags were now full. With Rick Rowell up, the Raccoons sent Miller instead. Rowell struck out to complete the sweep. 5-2 Critters. Ramos 2-4; Trevino 2-4; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2 RBI; Kilmer 2-4, 2 2B, RBI; Maldonado 2-4, RBI; Johnson 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (10-7);

Raccoons (60-61) @ Canadiens (75-45) – August 19-21, 2039

The season was so far out the window that I had no reason to not just plant myself down on the couch at home with Honeypaws in my clutch because there was nothing the damn Elks could do anymore to me or the Critters that would make the season any worse. So the Coons get swept – eh, happens all the time. I was gonna be a big boy about it! I wasn’t gonna cry!

The damn Elks were first in runs scored, second in runs allowed, and looked like they would get an October ticket to defend their ******* 2038 title. They were also up 6-5 in the season series.

Oh, and they had been no-hit by Ben Lipsky on Wednesday! … But more on that below.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (6-11, 3.76 ERA) vs. Eric Weitz (13-8, 3.07 ERA)
Steve Fidler (3-6, 3.95 ERA) vs. Alexander Lewis (10-9, 4.37 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (11-3, 3.55 ERA) vs. Matt Sealock (16-3, 2.97 ERA)

Lewis would be the lone southpaw to come up this week. Serial killer Jerry Outram was still on the DL and would be until late September, but the damn Elks MIGHT get him back in October. Fernando Alba was also on the DL for them. For Portland, Mauricio Garavito was still ill.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – 1B Maldonado – SS Williams – P Chavez
VAN: CF M. Reyna – 1B J. Lopez – 2B Sprague – C Clemente – LF DeVita – RF R. Phillips – SS Cabral – 3B Schneider – P Weitz

Johnny Lopez, Glenn Sprague, and Timóteo Clemente all clubbed singles off Bernie Chavez in the first inning, putting the damn Elks up 1-0. I sighed, hugged Honeypaws a bit tighter, and got read for a long evening. Ramon Cabral opened the bottom 2nd with a single, and Bernie walked the bases full. Sprague singled in a pair with two gone in the inning, 3-0, Clemente added another run on a single, and while Marc DeVita grounded out, the game was very much in the bin.

While I would have liked the Raccoons to be a bit of a stepping stone for the damn Elks rather than just getting stepped on, they only had two base knocks through five and Bernie gave up another run on a Ryan Phillips homer in the fifth, his final inning in this particular botched start. The Coons had their best chance yet in the sixth; Berto hit a soft leadoff single, after which two consecutive batters grounded into forces at second base. Greenway slapped a double to left, but Manny had to hold at third base, and Kilmer popped out to short to strand both of them. Greenway was then lifted in a double switch with Nelson Fonseca inserted for hopefully three innings of not too much pain after not pitching at all in the Miners series (just like Garavito). The damn Elks tore into him for three runs, getting their first three batters on base in the sixth inning. Schneider singled, Weitz reached when Fonseca himself fudged his bunt, and Reyna hit an RBI single. Manny threw home well too late, and the trailing runners advanced, scoring on a sac fly and a Clemente single. Weitz mellowed in the eighth, nicking Brad Ledford in the #9 hole before allowing straight singles to the 1-2-3 batters, getting the bags filled up and the Critters’ first run home, so they now only trailed by A ******* MILLION. This would have been Greenway’s spot, but now Fonseca was hit for with Tony Morales, who jerked a ball into a run-scoring 6-4-3 before Kilmer struck out. 8-2 Canadiens. Ramos 2-4; Trevino 2-4, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4;

(cries)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – 1B Monge – LF Ledford – SS Hernandez – P Fidler
VAN: CF M. Reyna – 1B J. Lopez – 2B Sprague – C Clemente – LF DeVita – RF R. Phillips – SS Sibley – 3B Schneider – P A. Lewis

Johnny Lopez took Fidler deep in the first, so here we were again, a-trailing. But Fidler didn’t suffer any other unhappy accidents early on and held the damn Elks to three base hits before Troy Greenway hit a homer to right to tie the game in the fourth inning. That was all through five – the Raccoons had two hits, the damn Elks had four, and I had cookie crumbs all over myself and Honeypaws.

Portland got a paw up in the sixth, with Kilmer and Maldonado hitting doubles to take a 2-1 lead, but Monge grounded out after that to end the inning, and the damn Elks ripped Fidler’s spine out right after that. Lopez singled. Sprague doubled. Clemente drove them in with a single to left, and the score was flipped before Fidler got an out in the bottom 6th. DeVita singled, Phillips popped out, but Ross Sibley also hit an RBI single, 4-2, and with runners on the corners Fidler was yanked. Prieto conceded another run on a Brian Schneider single, 5-2, but Lewis and Reyna struck out to leave runners on the corners. But Miller and Garavito got slapped around for another four hits and two runs in the seventh inning, and it was just all getting away again. Down by five, Lewis stumbled in the eighth, with Berto and Cosmo reaching before Jeff Kilmer homered to left, and suddenly it was almost a ballgame again with a 7-5 deficit and six outs’ time to get there. The tying runs reached when Monge walked and Ledford got nicked while the Elks cycled through relievers. Righty Domingo Murillo came in for Joel Hernandez with two outs, we said nah, and Tony Morales pinch-hit, and singled up the middle to load the bags. Next pitcher, righty Natanael Abrao. Ed Hooge hit for Garavito, fell to 2-2, then slapped a ball through the right side. Monge scored, Ledford scored, Morales fell down after turning second base and was tapped out as he scrambled back to the base, ending the inning in a 7-7 tie. Brent Clark held up in the bottom 8th, but so did Tim Zimmerman in the top 9th. Clark remained resilient in the bottom of the ninth, sending the game to extras – but the Raccoons were running out of pitchers. Sibley and Jacob Kolbe reached against David Fernandez in the bottom 10th, but Reyna flew out to left to keep the game going. The game ended with Nelson Fonseca though, when he gave up a homer to Sprague in the 11th inning. 8-7 Canadiens. Kilmer 2-4, BB, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; Monge 2-5, 2B; Morales (PH) 1-1; Hooge (PH) 2-2, 2 RBI; Clark 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

(cries more violently)

There was a roster move, with Nelson Fonseca (0-1, 6.10 ERA) was dispatched to AAA prior to Sunday’s game. Well, and now? Ottinger?

Ottinger.

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – C Morales – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Bedrosian
VAN: CF M. Reyna – 1B J. Lopez – 2B Sprague – C Clemente – LF DeVita – RF R. Phillips – SS Cabral – 3B Schneider – P Sealock

The little idiots kept being little idiots, wasting four singles for nothing in the first three innings. The top 3rd was the worst; Berto hit a leadoff single, then was caught stealing. Cosmo was ahead 3-0 eventually, then popped out. In the bottom of the inning, Miguel Reyna hit a single, stole second, reached third on Morales’ error, and then scored on Glenn Sprague’s 2-out single. Yay, a deficit. Clemente flew out, but the damn Elks had three singles in the following inning before hitting into a double play to get nothing out of a wonky Bedrosian, who bunted Monge and Williams into scoring position in the fifth inning. Berto batted with one out, and plated the tying run with a grounder, but Cosmo flew out to center to leave Williams at third base. Reyna singled off Bedrosian in the fifth and was doubled up by Lopez – it was almost like 1997, with these two teams battling for fifth place. In reality, the Raccoons were close to being 20 games behind the damn Elks…

Those damn Elks were up 7-6 in hits through five, but the score was still 1-1. Nobody got a hit in the sixth, though Clemente walked and was stranded. With Monge and Williams on base again in the seventh, Bedrosian was hit for with Brad Ledford with one out already on the board. Ledford hit into a fielder’s choice at second base, Ramos struck out, and I looked at Honeypaws and wished for also having my brains and mind replaced with cotton stuffing so it all wouldn’t hurt as much.

Bottom 7th, Prieto was at work. He walked Cabral on four pitches to begin the inning, fumbled a 2-out Reyna grounder for an error, and nailed Lopez to have the bags full without even the benefit of a base hit. Sprague, hitting .245 with 13 homers was up, drilled the first pitch he got to center, and Maldonado somehow caught the damn thing, keeping the bases full. Somehow the game remained tied through eight, and Zimmerman kept holding the Raccoons to doing absolutely nothing of value. Ottinger was sent into the bottom 9th, partly because he was rested, and partly because this had to be gotten over with. Brian Schneider hit a leadoff single and was bunted to second. Reyna popped out. Morales was then charged with a passed ball, sending the winning run to third base, but Johnny Lopez fell from 3-1 to striking out against OTTINGER, sending this game, too, to extra innings. Zimmerman remained in there, just less sharp. Berto singled. Cosmo singled. Manny lined out to Sprague, with Berto BARELY getting back to second base before being doubled off. Then Troy Greenway shot a ball through the right side and some bit up the line – enough to take the lead with an RBI double! Maldonado was walked intentionally to get Morales up, who was 0-for-4 and a double play risk, but the Raccoons had already batted Kilmer earlier and he was out of the equation. Well, Tony Morales ******* emptied the bases with a double in the cavernous right-center gap, adding three runs to the board. TONY MORALES!! And now the Raccoons were so sure of their act that they didn’t bat for Ottinger against Raymond Pearce when he came up with two on and two down, and instead sent Ottinger to pitch the bottom 10th to reset the rest of the pen. Oh it was only the middle of the order! Sprague flew out to center. Clemente was nailed. Alex Perez, pinch-runner earlier, flew out to pretty deep center. Ross Sibley pinch-hit in the #6 hole, an actual left-hander for the first time this inning. And he flew out to center. 5-1 Coons. Ramos 3-5, RBI; Greenway 2-5, 2B, RBI; Monge 2-4, BB; Williams 2-3, BB; Ottinger 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (2-1);

In other news

August 17 – CIN SP Ben Lipsky (8-10, 3.88 ERA) walks three and strikes out seven as he no-hits the Vancouver Canadiens for a 5-0 win! It is Lipsky’s second career no-hitter and the first for the Cyclones in almost 20 years. In addition to Juan Garcia’s 2008 perfect game they also had no-hitters pitched by Manuel Garza (1997) and Mike Fernandez (2020).
August 18 – Boston righty SP Joe Hicks (8-9, 4.03 ERA) strikes out 15 Rebels in an 8-1 victory.
August 18 – The Crusaders win 10-6 in 10 innings against the Blue Sox. NYC C Juan Herrera (.274, 3 HR, 12 RBI) hits a walkoff grand slam against former Crusaders reliever Casey Moore (7-3, 3.26 ERA, 25 SV).
August 18 – The Thunder also have a walkoff home run, 1-0 in regulation over the Pacifics, hit by INF Al Martell (.251, 9 HR, 40 RBI) off LAP MR Eric McKee (4-4, 5.63 ERA, 5 SV).
August 19 – ATL LF/RF Nate Nelson (.215, 15 HR, 46 RBI) was out for the year with a ruptured achilles tendon.
August 19 – The Knights win 1-0 over the Aces on a 2B Jesus Matos (.268, 9 HR, 58 RBI) home run. The Aces had nothing but a single by OF Nate Rossi (.249, 10 HR, 58 RBI) for base hits against Brad Santry (14-7, 3.07 ERA) and Matt May (4-4, 3.12 ERA, 23 SV).
August 20 – LAP INF/CF Brian Bowman (.295, 1 HR, 34 RBI) would miss most of the remainder of the year with back soreness, which was always good news for a 24-year-old position player.

FL Player of the Week: PIT OF Adrian Wade (.308, 13 HR, 60 RBI), hitting .423 (11-26) with 3 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: BOS OF Willie Vega (.272, 10 HR, 60 RBI), hitting .600 (12-20) with 9 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Winning week, not that it helps anymore (and even then we lost two of three to the damn Elks).

Not a lot else to say. Funny that we thought the rotation might be the weak link, but they’re second in ERA in the Continental League, while the bullpen is second from the bottom with an ERA – being *worse* by merely 1.2 runs per nine innings. Hence – rebuild that damn thing entirely.

Will Brent Clark be any help? He sure had a great curve, and was striking out 10.8 per nine innings, same as in AAA. He was also walking 3.4/9 in the majors – exactly HALF of his BB/9 with the Alley Cats. HALF.

We’ll put Clark in the MAYBE column.

Will we have money? Maybe $3M as of now. Almost $5M if we can trade Danny Monge. Considerably less if I can’t please Nick Valdes before he sets next year’s budget.

Fun Fact: Ben Lipsky spun his pair of no-hitters 10 years, 1 month, and 2 days apart, the greatest distance between no-hitters for any ABL pitcher.

The previous maximum was just under six years for Jorge Villalobos (2024, 2030).

Lipsky had previously no-hit the Aces as a sophomore with the 2029 Bayhawks. His record that year was only 13-12 with a 3.17 ERA, but he led the Continental League in WAR amongst pitchers.

But then again, WAR is a useless stat.

+++

*…and then the inning fell victim to the infamous gotta-replace-your-injured pitcher bug. Brent Clark, injected at #8 after the game had automatically put Ledford in to pinch-hit for Sabre, whose spot led off the bottom 5th, batted with three on and two outs and the inning ended.

[Questdog]

You swept the wrong team.....

And that injured pitcher bug is fixed in OOTP 21....
Just sayin'....

[Westheim]

Raccoons (61-63) @ Indians (50-74) – August 23-25, 2039

Monday was an off day, followed by three days with games that might as well not take place with the two teams involved sitting a combined 45 games out in the division. The Indians were miserable, second from the bottom in runs scored, and at the very bottom in runs allowed. And yet, they led the season series with the Critters, 7-5.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (11-6, 2.77 ERA) vs. John Nelson (8-11, 3.98 ERA)
Drew Johnson (10-7, 3.03 ERA) vs. Alex Flores (5-4, 4.55 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-12, 3.94 ERA) vs. Eric Peck (7-9, 5.24 ERA)

Right, right, left. Probably three losses, too.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Maldonado – C Morales – CF Hooge – SS Williams – P Sabre
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – LF Trawick – 2B R. Johnston – P J. Nelson

Sabre had come out of his last start after five innings, but his oblique was supposed to be fine again by Tuesday. Well, but him and Tony Morales weren’t. David Gonzales led off the bottom 1st with a single and stole second uncontested, then scored on Dan Hutson’s single. Pat Dodson reached on catcher’s interference, and Dave Serrato brought a second run in with the extra base that gave Dodson. The Raccoons erased the 2-0 deficit in the next half-inning. Maldonado singled, Tony Morales doubled him in, and eventually scored on Williams’ sac fly. Sabre continued to be out of whack; Ryan Johnston hit a single up the middle to begin the bottom 2nd, and Sabre filled the bases by nailing Gonzales AND Mario Ochoa. Hutson, who had 28 homers under his bum, hit a deep drive to center, but Ed Hooge made it there and held him to a sac fly. Dodson grounded out, stranding two. The Raccoons had the tying run in scoring position in the third inning (Manny double) and the fourth inning (Maldo double), and could have had Berto in scoring position after a leadoff single in the fifth if Cosmo hadn’t doubled him off. I guess that way to play ball was what gave you a losing record against a rancid team like the Indians…

Sabre again lasted only five, this time for being pinch-hit for with Morales on second, Elijah Williams on first, and two outs in the top 6th. Brad Ledford grounded out to Hutson and that was that. Berto hit another leadoff single off Terry Weaver in the seventh, was doubled off by Cosmo AGAIN, and Greenway hit a leadoff single in the eighth, at which point the Raccoons were out-hitting the Arrowheads to the tune of 10-5, yet kept trailing 3-2. Maldo popped out. Morales was nailed, pushing Greenway to second base with one gone, while the Indians sent a new reliever for every single batter in the inning. Justin Kaiser, Manuel Herrera, Tony Rivas, and now Cesar Castillo to face Hoogey – man, if the game went 15 innings, we’d have a real ******* chance! That would require driving home a run though. Hooge flew out to left, Mike Hurley was the fifth reliever in five batters, walked Williams, and now Jeff Kilmer hit for David Fernandez with three on and two outs. Hurley remained in there (probably because they were down to Alex Banderas and absolutely nothing else in the pen). Kilmer turned a 2-2 pitch into a single to center. Greenway scored after standing on base for about 20 minutes, but Morales was thrown out at the plate. The Raccoons then lost on a Jake Trawick homer off Prieto instead, but not before dragging Banderas’ ninth out for another Ramos single, who was forced out by Fernandez, and while Greenway was hit with a 3-0 pitch, Maldonado grounded out to Hutson to end the game. 4-3 Indians. Ramos 3-5; M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B; Maldonado 2-5, 2B; Morales 2-2, BB, 2B, RBI; Williams 1-1, 2 BB, RBI; Kilmer (PH) 1-1, RBI;

There were complaints by the guests in rooms 502 and 504 in the hotel I stayed in that night about constant screaming and thumping on the walls.

Yes, I’m staying in 503.

On Wednesday I once more didn’t feel like leaving the bed to watch them at the ballpark. Staying in bed all day sounded so much better, especially in this fluffy hotel-issue robe. Mmm, fluffy …!

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – C Morales – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Johnson
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – LF A. Torres – C E. Thompson – SS R. Johnston – 2B Trawick – P A. Flores

Gonzales single, stolen base (#34), and an RBI single by Dodson – Indy again 1-0 ahead in the first inning. I groaned and started to wonder whether the belt around the fluffy robe would hold the weight of a human with one end tied to the light fixture above the bed. The Raccoons tied the game in the third before I could muster the energy to actually tie a knot, and then did it in the most botched way. Williams walked with one down, and Johnson bunted into a force at second base. Now with the pitcher on first, Berto hit a bloop to shallow left-center for a single. Johnson misread the play and made for third base, where he’d be completely dead and out if Alberto Torres in left had even bothered to look at him, but he didn’t, instead showing the ball to Gonzales. Cosmo then singled home the pitcher, but Fernandez grounded out to strand two after that. The Arrowheads responded with three runs off a hapless Johnson in the bottom of the inning. Gonzales singled, Hutson singled, double steal, sac fly from Dodson. Torres walked, and Elliott Thompson and Ryan Johnston slipped in two more base hits with two down to score two more runs. Trawick struck out to end the inning.

Greenway drew a leadoff walk in the fourth, which went nowhere, then struck out to strand Cosmo (single) and Manny (double) in scoring position in the fifth, when he came up as the tying run. Johnson’s spot came up with Maldonado and Williams on base in the sixth and two outs, and Brad Ledford pinch-hit in exactly the same place as the day before. This time he grounded out on a 3-1 pitch, ending the inning. The game did not end immediately after that despite getting Ottinger in involved, who had a clean sixth, then walked Hutson and Dodson in the seventh, which was still superior to two outright bombs, I guess. Garavito bailed him out. Troy Greenway hit a solo homer in the eighth, cutting the gap to 4-2, and Maldonado followed that up with a double, which chased Flores, but the Indians then got through the next few batters without incurring damage. Banderas came in by the ninth, retired Hooge and Ramos, then gave up a double to Trevino. The Indians’ manager looked concerned as Manny came up as the tying run with two down, but I had never any doubt. He grounded out indeed. 4-2 Indians. Trevino 3-5, 2B, RBI;

(sighs deeply)

I’ll call room service. (reaches for the phone) – Yes, room 503 here, I’d like a bucket of the strongest booze your bar can… – What? – I don’t understand. – Why is service unavailable??

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Chavez
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – LF A. Torres – SS D. Serrato – C E. Thompson – 2B Trawick – P Peck

The game started with a Berto double in right-center, which was of course not enough for a run in the first inning between grounder, pop, grounder. Manny Fernandez did make it 1-0 in the second, homering to right-center. That would be the only run for anybody through five innings, and those two hits were the only two knocks for the Critters through five. Bernie Chavez was not great, but scattered four hits efficiently enough to not be scored upon including a 2-out triple by Torres in the fourth. Dave Serrato lined out to Ramos to strand his runner.

Top 6th, Cosmo led off with a double to center. The Indians had enough respect of Jeff Kilmer to walk him intentionally, bringing up Greenway instead, who flew out to right. It didn’t help them against Maldonado, who hit a gapper in left-center that was well played by Torres, holding Maldonado to an RBI double rather than a 2-run triple. With two in scoring position and one out, the Raccoons croaked again. Manny grounded out to first base, Monge was walked intentionally (!!??), and Williams struck out to strand a whole basket of runners. The Raccoons would not threaten in the seventh or eighth, but neither did the Arrowheads. Bernie was still carrying a 5-hit shutout through eight. He remained in the game when his spot to bat came up in the ninth inning after Monge reached on a Trawick error and Williams singled off Manuel Herrera. Bernie bunted it foul until he struck out, which was so helpful, Berto popped out, Cosmo popped out – all so helpful. Bernie resumed pitching with a 2-0 lead in the bottom 9th, facing the 2-3-4 hitters. Ochoa struck out. Hutson grounded out on the first pitch. Dodson was down 1-2, but then singled to center. Bernie would get Torres, now on 103 pitches, but after that it would be a random reliever to mix it up. No random reliever came in – Torres grounded out to Cosmo to end the game. 2-0 Coons. Chavez 9.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 6 K, W (7-12);

Fifth career shutout for Bernie Chavez!

Raccoons (62-65) @ Falcons (65-63) – August 26-28, 2039

The Falcons were one game out in the South, despite their meager record. They were second in runs scored and seventh in runs allowed, which sounded totally like the Raccoons were gonna get swept after their dismal performance in Indianapolis. The Falcons were without outfielder Ken Gibbs at the moment, but it wasn’t like that was gonna make them harmless. The season series was tied at three.

Projected matchups:
Steve Fidler (3-6, 4.26 ERA) vs. Jose de Lucio (12-3, 3.36 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (11-3, 3.48 ERA) vs. Rafael Pedraza (11-10, 3.74 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (11-6, 2.85 ERA) vs. Ernie Quintero (5-4, 4.67 ERA)

This looked like three right-handers, but the Falcons had had the benefit of an off day, and could slide lefty Jose Lerma (9-11, 3.39 ERA) into the set by Sunday.

Brad Ledford was day-to-day with a nasty headache on Friday.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – 1B Maldonado – CF Hooge – SS Hernandez – P Fidler
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF C. Robinson – CF J. Reyna – P de Lucio

Straight singles by the 1-2-3 hitters gave the Critters a run before they made an out. They’d get a second run on a Kilmer sac fly, and then they got Fidler to walk Oscar Aguirre and Mitch Cook before giving up a double to the base of the centerfield fence to Jose Farfan that tied the game. The Coons lost Joel Hernandez to back tightness in the second inning – he was replaced by Nickas. Fidler loaded the bases in that inning with a Chris Robinson single, a walk to Jonathan Reyna, and while de Lucio bunted into a force at third base, Aguirre singled to load them up with one gone. Fidler threw a wild pitch, giving the Falcons a 3-2 lead, then walked Justin LeClerc anyway. Tony Aparicio popped out, and Cook hacked himself out, stranding three when they could have had a million.

Troy Greenway’s 20th homer came in the third and tied the game again at three, then he dropped a Farfan fly in the bottom 3rd for a free runner for Charlotte. Somehow Fidler got around that error without getting lit on actual fire, then gave himself a 4-3 lead in the fourth, singling home Ed Hooge, who had hit a 1-out triple, with a single through the right side after Nickas had just failed. Berto singled, Cosmo got on, three aboard for Manny, who slapped a single to center for two more runs. Greenway then grounded out to Aguirre. Fidler was yanked in the bottom 4th after ******* with the 6-3 lead, putting another two sad sacks on and giving up a 2-out Farfan triple to cut it to 6-5. David Fernandez replaced him, got a fly to left from Ruben Esperanza, and that ended the inning. de Lucio lasted only marginally longer than Fidler, walking Jeff Kilmer to begin the fifth and then getting yanked. Righty Oscar Flores replaced him and was getting out of the inning until Nickas reached on Aguirre’s 2-out error. Monge hit for Fernandez and was nailed to fill the bases, and Flores’ next pitch was slapped to right-center by Berto for two runs, 8-5. Flores then struck out Cosmo to get it over with.

Brent Clark then threw three innings for one run on one hit, a leadoff double by Aguirre in the sixth and two productive outs after that, but Clark got the Raccoons through seven with an 8-6 lead. Prieto held out in the eighth, and so did the Falcons pen after Flores’ appearance. Jermaine Campbell came in for the ninth inning after not having pitched for almost a week, and allowed a leadoff single by Aparicio right away. He balked the runner to second, but struck out Cook. Farfan flew out to center. PH Mike Taylor grounded out to short. 8-6 Critters. Ramos 2-5, BB, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 4-5, 3 RBI; Greenway 2-5, HR, RBI; Hernandez 1-1, 2B; Williams (PH) 1-1; Clark 3.0 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 2 K;

Ledford was available again for Saturday, with Joel Hernandez bothered by his back and listed as day-to-day.

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Maldonado – CF Hooge – C Morales – SS Williams – P Bedrosian
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF C. Robinson – C Alicea – CF J. Reyna – P Pedraza

Also out with an injury would be Jonathan Reyna in the first inning, falling and remaining on the ground after catching a Manny Fernandez fly as he slammed into the centerfield fence. Berto jogged home from third base for the first run of the game after having singled and stolen second. Paul Vespucci replaced Reyna, then immediately looked bad on a Greenway double. Maldonado singled home Greenway, 2-0, then was caught stealing. Bedrosian was fairly competent in the early innings, allowing two hits but no runs, and the Raccoons then loaded the bags in the fourth. Maldo singled, Hooge got nailed, and Morales got on with Justin LeClerc’s error. It was Elijah Williams with one out, and a zinger through the box on the first pitch for an RBI single, 3-0! Bedrosian held out in a full count before hitting a little poker that eluded Aparicio for another RBI single, but Berto fouled out and Cosmo flew out on a 3-1 pitch to strand a full set after that. The Coons then reached 5-0 and the Falcons’ pen when Tony Morales hit a jack in the sixth.

That’s when Bedrosian suddenly exploded for a 3-spot. He loaded the bags with the 1-2-3 hitters and one out in the bottom 6th, TOTALLY out of the blue. Farfan slapped a 2-run single, another run scored on a sac fly, Chris Robinson grounded out, and now it was a ballgame again at 5-3. Yay. By the seventh, Vespucci singled off Bedrosian with one out, which was the end for the starter. Garavito got rid of Mike Taylor in the #9 hole, then conceded a 2-strike, 2-out RBI double to Aguirre, 5-4. Miller dug Garavito out of that mess, David Fernandez stumbled through a bottom 8th with two long fly outs, and an insurance run REALLY would help here, and with one down Berto and Cosmo would reach against ex-Coon Josh Livingston – but Manny struck out and Greenway grounded out, and no insurance run was to be had. Campbell allowed a leadoff single to John Alicea, now batting all of .174, in the bottom 9th, which was so great. The runner advanced on Vespucci’s grounder, then again on Greg Aarhus’ long drive to left that Manny caught on the warning track. Here, the tying run was at third base with two outs, and Aguirre in the box. The pitcher Livingston was in the #2 hole – and while Mitch Cook was hitting in the .220s like Aguirre, he was actually the guy with the it’s-over power, having 17 homers to Aguirre’s four, so there was no point in walking Aguirre intentionally. He grounded out to Williams on 0-2, ending the game. 5-4 Coons. Maldonado 2-4, RBI; Hooge 1-2, BB; Williams 2-4, RBI;

No Southpaw Sunday this week – Ernie Quintero would indeed get the start on Sunday.

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – LF Ledford – SS Maldonado – 1B Monge – P Sabre
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – 1B LeClerc – SS Aparicio – C M. Cook – 3B Farfan – LF Esperanza – RF C. Robinson – CF Vespucci – P E. Quintero

There also wouldn’t be a Sabre Sunday, at least not much of it. He retired the first two batters, then left the game in the first inning with back discomfort, and now we had a bullpen day on our paws. Ottinger was the obvious go-to guy – he had not pitched in three days, and had probably 70 pitches in him with no preparation. Maybe he’d get us through five, and we’d fudge up the other three innings (sour look) from there. No such thing happened – Ottinger was torn to bits in the third inning, conceding five runs on a string of singles, with two walks mixed in too. The Coons only reached the board in the fourth with Maldonado’s RBI single, plating Greenway, and the Raccoons stuck to Ottinger, who already had a bus ticket to St. Petersburg punched for after the game. No shower. Just the **** go away. He gave up another run in the bottom 4th, then was gone indeed.

Meanwhile, Ernie Quintero walked SEVEN batters in five innings, and the Raccoons scored only that one run. Getting caught stealing three times by Cook (Berto once, Cosmo twice) was certainly part of the equation… Quintero was finally out after the Raccoons stumbled the bags full with nobody out in the sixth. Maldo walked, Monge hit a bloop single in shallow right, and Joel Hernandez reached on an Aparicio error. Righty Adam Jaggers made his season debut in this spot, allowing a grounder to score a run to Berto. Cosmo hit an RBI single, 6-3. Manny Fernandez fouled out in a full count. Greenway slapped an RBI single to right. Kilmer grounded out, stranding the tying runs. The Raccoons at that point had used Garavito for an inning, then got four outs from Miller. We brought in Brent Clark to get two outs. He got one, and loaded the bases before nailing Mike Taylor with two outs. Prieto walked Aguirre on four pitches after that, forcing in another run, and somehow LeClerc grounded out before it could get even uglier. Berto reached in the eighth against Jong-hoo Cho, but was doubled up by Cosmo for the FOURTH time this week. The ninth was just boilerplate crummy, without putting a cherry on top. Kilmer hit a 2-out single, Ledford grounded out, done deal. 8-4 Falcons. Trevino 2-4, BB, RBI; Greenway 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Maldonado 2-3, BB, RBI;

In other news

August 22 – Gold Sox Rookie INF Lopo Malfati (.189, 1 HR, 5 RBI) gets noticed with four hits and four RBI in a 14-1 downing of the Pacifics, in which he misses the cycle by the *single*, hitting a homer, a triple, and two doubles.
August 23 – Atlanta SP Alex Aguilar (5-5, 3.84 ERA) 3-hits the Condors in a 1-0 shutout.
August 23 – NAS 1B Chance Bossert (.343, 5 HR, 63 RBI) was possibly out for the season with a torn quad.
August 23 – The Gold Sox score 10 runs in the eighth inning in downing the Pacifics, 14-6. Four pitchers partake in L.A.’s misery, including Mike Wilt (0-1, 8.18 ERA, 1 SV) and Eric McKee (4-4, 6.41 ERA, 5 SV), neither of whom retires a batter.
August 23 – The Warriors pick up 37-year-old SP/MR Ernesto Lujan (4-6, 5.97 ERA) on a waiver trade with the Rebels, who receive two prospects.
August 28 – SAL CF/RF Armando Herrera (.315, 4 HR, 57 RBI) hits safely six times, three singles and three doubles, and drives in three runs, in an 11-0 rout of the Miners. He is the first ever Wolves player to land six hits in a ballgame.
August 28 – A walkoff single by CIN RF/LF Juan Brito (.271, 14 HR, 65 RBI) gives the Cyclones a 13-12 win over the Warriors. The Cyclones had to score 10 unanswered runs to make up a 12-3 deficit from the fifth inning. Brito drives in four runs on three hits in the game.

FL Player of the Week: SAL CF/RF Armando Herrera (.315, 4 HR, 57 RBI), hitting .519 (14-27) with 4 RBI
CL Player of the Week: BOS INF/CF Mike Toney (.271, 4 HR, 44 RBI), hitting .522 (12-23) with 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

I don’t enjoy seeing the Titans in first place. But it causes me less constipation than seeing the damn Elks in first place.

If Portland was somewhere south of Bakersfield, we’d have a heck of a haggle for the division. Alas, we’re more to the north of Medford, and everything is horrible.

Cosmo not only doubled up Berto four times, they were also caught stealing five times between them. NOTHING worked. Even though they reasonably could have gone 5-1 with just tiny swings of momentum the other way in two games this week. All except Sunday, really. Sunday was forsaken once Raffaello Sabre reached back to feel whether all his vertebra were still in place.

Dr. Padilla says he’ll be fine. I’ll have to believe that. And that he again won’t miss a start. Well, yeah, but he’s also missing a lot of finishes!

Ottinger will be exchanged for whatever. Maybe just a nice person that we can put between Slappy and me on the trusty brown couch that knows a few raunchy jokes like Aunt Margot, who sang in the church choir and at harvest time baked cake for the entire village. And knew dozens of jokes involving ******* and ********. We will look into that.

That and a bottle o’ Capt’n Coma.

Fun Fact: All of Bernie Chavez’ career shutouts have come in different months of the year.

The Elks in April 2036 – that was a 2-hitter and still his best effort. He struck against the Loggers in September that year and May of the next. He shut out the Condors last July, and now the Indians in August.

There ain’t no love for June here!

The things we ponder about.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (64-66) @ Aces (65-64) – August 29-31, 2039

How were the Aces one game out and the Raccoons were … a million games out? Sigh. They were sixth in runs scored, and tied for second in runs allowed with a +32 run differential. They had the same problems as we had with preventing runs; decent rotation, porous bullpen, so-so defense. They were up 4-2 in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (10-8, 3.19 ERA) vs. Oscar Valdes (8-10, 3.91 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (7-12, 3.71 ERA) vs. Chris Crowell (10-7, 3.16 ERA)
Steve Fidler (3-6, 4.63 ERA) vs. Willie Gallardo (13-9, 2.99 ERA)

All right-handed pitchers. They had four players on the DL, but none of them were among the top performers: Aiden Ackeret, Chris O’Keefe, John Velazquez were all best hidden at the bottom of the order. Jerry Hodges was a right-handed swingman. None of them were expected back this season.

Jared Ottinger was dispatched to St. Pete by Monday for an improvement over his 7.88 ERA. Francisco Pena was recalled. His ERA was 7.71 ….

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – C Morales – SS Williams – 1B Monge – P Johnson
LVA: CF Beaudoin – 2B Briones – RF Platero – LF Jorgensen – 3B Rossi – SS Bensinger – 1B Byrd – C D. Gomez – P O. Valdes

The Raccoons got Berto on with a single to start the game, got Berto off with another 6-4-3 by Cosmo, and then thought that was gonna do it. Johnson gave up fat contact and the game quickly developed into a certain direction. Nate Rossi hit a solo home run in the second inning. Jason Bensinger hit a 2-piece in the fourth inning. Not that it was all well for the *Aces* – Steve Jorgensen left the game with an apparent injury in the same inning, to be replaced by Ricardo Zarazua. Jesus Maldonado put Portland on the map with a solo home run in the fifth inning, which was the Raccoons’ third hit in the game. They’d then drop four more singles in this inning and the two after that, hitting into two double plays along the way to ensure that they’d not come too close to the Aces, who had five hits against Johnson through seven innings. Brent Clark did a scoreless eighth while Valdes remained in the game until relieved by closer Damon DeOrio and his 4.55 ERA in the ninth. Manny Fernandez opened with a single to right. Troy Greenway continued with a double play grounder. Maldonado fouled out on the next pitch. 3-1 Aces. M. Fernandez 2-4; Maldonado 2-4, HR, RBI;

Two hours, eight minutes.

(thuds head against door frame repeatedly)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – C Kilmer – SS Nickas – 1B Hernandez – P Chavez
LVA: CF Beaudoin – 2B Briones – RF Platero – LF R. Torres – 3B Rossi – SS Bensinger – 1B Byrd – C D. Gomez – P Crowell

Troy Greenway homered to left at the start of the second inning, but the lead didn’t make it very far. Bernie Chavez would concede it on three singles in the bottom 3rd, Jorgensen’s replacement Ricky Torres plating Justin Beaudoin with two outs. Rossi then flew out to Fernandez in deep left to end the inning. In between, the Critters had Maldonado and Kilmer on base after the Greenway homer, and Nickas batting into a double play. Nickas also made an error in the bottom of the second inning, making himself just that much more lovable.

Mario Briones’ RBI single, plating Beaudoin once more, gave the Aces a 2-1 lead with one out in the bottom 5th. The Raccoons were on three base hits and had not landed one since the Nickas double play, but then got Cosmo on with a leadoff walk in the sixth. Manny singled, sending Cosmo to third base, where he drew a pointless throw from Ricky Torres that allowed Manny to second base, too. FAT scoring chance!! Greenway tied the game with a single up the middle, and Maldonado snapped a double to left-center to make it 3-2 Critters, with another pair in scoring position and still nobody out. A poor Kilmer roller nevertheless eluded Nate Rossi for a 2-run single, 5-2. Crowell then walked Nickas before getting yanked, not having retired anybody in the inning. The bases filled to capacity when John Byrd fumbled Joel Hernandez’ grounder, bringing up Bernie with three on and no outs against righty Paul Ditmars. He hit into a double play, 4-2-3, I wailed, and Berto flew out to Beaudoin in center to end the inning at once. Bernie then immediately cocked up a leadoff jack to Rossi. It was a 5-3 game, and I wanted to go home.

And that was with the Critters still leading! Bottom 7th, Jon Rodriguez’ infield single and Joel Hernandez’ clumsy dropped pop near the first base line gave the Aces two runners to begin the inning, but Bernie struck out Briones and Jose Platero before being lifted for a lefty against Torres. David Fernandez found himself facing PH Ken Wiersma, a professional coonskinner, who walked to fill the bags. Exit Fernandez, enter Prieto, and strike three to Rossi to get out of the royal mess on the base paths. Chris Miller’s eighth was not to be criticized, and it was still 5-3 for Jermaine Campbell against the 9-1-2 batters in the bottom 9th. After Zarazua flew out to left, Campbell walked Beaudoin, allowed an RBI double to Briones, and walked Platero. Uh-oh. Without surprise, Ken Wiersma slapped an RBI single to tie the game. Rossi also slapped something – a 3-run homer to dead center. 8-5 Aces. Greenway 2-4, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Maldonado 3-4, 2B, RBI; Kilmer 2-4, 2 RBI;

And I thought making three errors was bad. Nope, Jermaine Campbell always finds a way to make everything ten times worse.

The Raccoons would now try their luck with Chris Miller closing games.

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – C Morales – SS Williams – 1B Monge – P Fidler
LVA: CF Beaudoin – 2B Briones – RF Platero – LF R. Torres – 3B Rossi – SS Bensinger – 1B Byrd – C D. Gomez – P Gallardo

The Aces fiddled together a run from a Beaudoin single, a stolen base, and two productive outs in the bottom 1st, but Greenway hit another solo jack in the top 2nd, and the question was how he was batting fourth and always hitting homers leading off the second inning. Tony Morales made it 2-1 with another solo homer in the inning, and then Fidler was torn a new one in the bottom of the frame, with the Aces spanking him for four base knocks and three runs. Justin Beaudoin broke the tie with a 2-out, 2-run single to center. The Raccoons’ 1-2-3 hitters loaded the bases with straight singles in the third inning, bringing up Greenway, who was now held to a sac fly. Ed Hooge flew out to left, but in the fourth Morales and Williams opened with singles, and Danny Monge hit a game-tying double between Beaudoin and Torres. Fidler struck out, Berto grounded out, and Cosmo flew out, stranding runners in scoring position.

(deep sigh)

Fidler at least held the tie until he was hit for in the sixth inning with Williams and Monge on second and first, respectively, and one gone. Brad Ledford slapped a grounder through the right side for a single, Williams was waved around, Platero’s throw was off the line, and the Coons took a 5-4 lead with the trailing runners taking the extra base. Berto got nicked, Gallardo got yanked, but the Coons got home a tack-on run on Cosmo’s grounder before Ditmars restored order. The 6-4 lead survived Mauricio Garavito in the sixth before being given to Francisco Pena in the seventh. The dismal right-hander allowed a single to Jason Bensinger, while John Byrd reached when Greenway flubbed his fly for an error. Danny Gomez legged out a roller near the third base line. Three on, no outs, except for Pena, who was out in favor of Prieto, who stunningly found a way out. Zarazua fouled out behind home plate, and Beaudoin hit a ball into a double play to strand all the runners! From there, scoreless innings by David Fernandez and Chris Miller completed the game, although both of them insisted in putting the leadoff batter on base… 6-4 Critters. Hooge 2-5, 2B; Morales 4-5, HR, RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1, RBI;

With roster expansion then upon us the question was who we even wanted to see join the team. It wasn’t like the Alley Cats were a haven of prospects.

Travis Sims and Jose de Leon joined the bullpen once more. They were frequent flyers… but I was not afraid to chase Travis Sims across the median on I-205 again. I just HAD it with guys named Travis. I just HAD it.

On the stick poking side, 2033 seventh-rounder Chris Lancaster was called up for his first time. The Texan was 26 and hitting .314 in limited action in St. Petersburg. Infielder Jon Caskey joined from his rehab assignment. Finally we added Matt Kilgallen, the super utility with no applications, and Cory Cronk.

Raccoons (65-68) vs. Crusaders (58-74) – September 2-4, 2039

September began with an off day, before the Crusaders stooped by on the weekend. They were the only team in the division we looked even remotely good against, leading the season series 8-3. They were at the bottom of the pile in runs scored and merely average in not getting scored against.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (12-3, 3.56 ERA) vs. Josh Brown (11-7, 3.02 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (11-6, 2.84 ERA) vs. Gabriel Lara (6-13, 4.60 ERA)
Drew Johnson (10-9, 3.22 ERA) vs. Casey Pinter (9-8, 3.48 ERA)

Left, right, left. They had also been off on Thursday. Right-hander Jamal Barrow (4-10, 4.42 ERA) was the next hurler in line.

Game 1
NYC: LF J. Garcia – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – RF Salek – CF Besaw – 1B Rudd – SS Duenez – P J. Brown
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – 1B Monge – LF Kilgallen – SS Williams – P Bedrosian

Bedrosian allowed a walk and a single the first time through, but both runners – Ramon Sifuentes and Joe Besaw – were caught stealing and he faced the minimum through three innings. The Raccoons got Elijah Williams on with a leadoff walk in the bottom 3rd, had him bunted to second, and scored him on singles by Berto and Cosmo. Brown then rallied and struck out both Kilmer and Greenway to get out of the inning. On to the fourth, with Sifuentes and Devin Phillips reaching base on back-to-back singles. Bedrosian also held up, getting an easy fly from Chris Russell, then whiffed Rich Salek.

Up 1-0, the Raccoons continued to fudge their way through the innings. Greenway had two on with one out in the fifth and hit into a double play. Maldonado and Monge then got on base in the bottom 6th. The Crusaders yanked Brown for righty Jeff Turi, who gave up a single to left to Matt Kilgallen. Maldonado scored, 2-0, and Monge was thrown out at third base. Williams grounded out and Bedrosian whiffed to weasel out of that particular inning.

Bedrosian held out into the eighth, where the Crusaders reached the corners with Joe Besaw and Mario Duenez on a pair of soft singles with one out. The Raccoons sniffed and felt like he had been unlucky for having the tying runs on base. He smelled better than he looked. The smell test returned a false-positive, though. Ricardo Salmeron hit a sac fly in the #9 hole, 2-1, and Juan Garcia singled, moving the tying run to second base with two outs. Prieto came in for Sifuentes and got a grounder to Berto for the third out, ending the top of the eighth. Chris Miller then sat down the Crusaders in the ninth. Phillips flew out to Greenway, Salek bounced out to the left side. Rich Salek walked, but Tom Rudd was out on an infield pop. 2-1 Coons. Williams 0-1, 2 BB; Bedrosian 7.2 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (13-3);

The Crusaders skipped over Gabriel Lara, moving Casey Pinter to Saturday.

Game 2
NYC: LF J. Garcia – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – RF Salek – CF Besaw – 1B Rudd – SS Duenez – P Pinter
POR: 3B Caskey – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – 1B Monge – RF Ledford – SS Williams – P Sabre

Would Raffaello Sabre last long enough to get yanked this time? Twice recently he had left a start with a minor injury.

Straight base hits by Monge, Ledford, and Williams put the Coons up 1-0 in the bottom 2nd. Joe Besaw overrunning Ledford’s hit in center also helped with an extra base. Sabre struck out, but Jon Caskey doubled home a pair to run the score to 3-0, then scored on Cosmo’s single. Trevino was caught stealing to short-circuit the inning after that.

Then things started to go against Sabre, who didn’t allow a hit to a position player the first time through (but a single to Pinter), but with Maldonado tripling and scoring on a Monge grounder was up 5-0 when rain broke over Raccoons Ballpark and forced a rain delay of over half an hour. When play resumed, Sabre walked a pair in the fourth and escaped actual damage when Besaw was robbed in the gap by Manny Fernandez with two outs. Tom Rudd hit a leadoff single in the fifth, but remained on third base through a strikeout to Duenez and two grounders. Sabre struck out Sifuentes in a lengthy battle to begin the sixth, then was removed after 90 pitches, still up 5-0. He’d get a passing grade for this one after all; nagging injuries, adverse weather, and somehow no runs allowed.

The Coons humiliated Jermaine Campbell by having him finish the inning, then sent Brent Clark for the seventh. He retired none of the 5-6-7 hitters, then was yanked for Prieto, who also retired nobody. He nailed Duenez to force in a run, walked Greg Ortiz to force in another run, then flipped around to catch one more glimpse of the drive Salmeron hit off him before it disappeared somewhere behind Maldonado in center for a bases-clearing triple – tied ballgame. The go-ahead run scored off Travis Sims; Chris Russell hit a single, Rich Salek hit a homer, Joe Besaw hit a double, and Tom Rudd hit a fly to Ledford for the third out after the Crusaders had piled on EIGHT runs on the completely ****** up Raccoons bullpen.

Chris Lancaster made his major league debut in the eighth inning, entering with Jose de Leon in a double switch that removed Kilmer. De Leon pitched two scoreless innings despite having pairs of runners on in either frame, while Lancaster would lead off the bottom of the ninth against John Hennessy, ex-Critter. He walked, advanced on Caskey’s grounder, and then was stranded on two sad-sack fly outs. Welcome to the Critters, sucker. 8-5 Crusaders. Trevino 2-5, RBI; Ledford 2-4; Sabre 5.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 3 K;

Sunday was Lara Day.

And probably time for another loss.

Game 3
NYC: LF J. Garcia – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 2B C. Russell – RF Salek – CF Besaw – 1B Rudd – SS Duenez – P Lara
POR: 3B Ramos – 1B Maldonado – CF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Morales – 2B Caskey – LF Cronk – SS Williams – P Johnson

Sifuentes singled, stole second, and after Phillips walked against Johnson in a full count, came home to score on Chris Russell’s single that also sent Phillips to third base. Salek made it 2-0 with a sac fly. I accepted my fate. Manny and Greenway went to the corners in the bottom 1st, but Morales struck out to strand them. Tom Rudd hit a leadoff triple to center to start the next half-frame, but was miraculously stranded when both Duenez and Lara struck out. Johnson walked Garcia, but Sifuentes flew out to keep them on the corners. Elijah Williams doubled home Cory Cronk, who walked, in the bottom 2nd to shorten the gap to a run, and Manny hit a jack to tie the game in the third. Alright, *fine*, I’ll wait with throwing myself off the ballpark roof until they’ll have completed their 70th loss of the year!

Besaw and Rudd reached base to begin the fourth, going to the corners. While Tom Rudd stole second base, the 8-9 batters both struck out *again*, bringing up Garcia with two outs. Berto handled his grounder perfectly to end the inning, but the Raccoons also stranded two when Greenway struck out in the bottom 4th… Sifuentes took Johnson deep to left in the fifth, 3-2 New York, and Garcia knocked him out in the sixth, finally doing something useful and singling home Tom Rudd with two outs. Travis Sims came in, threw a wild pitch, walked Sifuentes on four pitches, threw another garbage ball that got away from Morales and was charged on the poor backstop, while Sims mercilessly also walked Phillips on four pitches. *Yank!* – Jermaine Campbell inherited three on, two outs, threw one pitch, and Russell grounded out to end the ******* inning.

Portland made it to 4-3 in the seventh, on a balk-induced sac fly by Tony Morales. Lara’s twitch allowed Troy Greenway to go from second to third after having just hit a double, and the Raccoons finally tied the game again in the bottom of the eighth against lefty Todd Lush. Matt Kilgallen hit a double in the #9 hole with two gone, and then scored when Berto found the perfect little spot for a single in shallow right-center. Berto reached third base on Maldo’s single, but Chris Russell leapt high and snagged Manny Fernandez’ liner to end the inning. Pena, who had pitched the eighth, and Garavito combined for a quick ninth, while Lush remained in for New York in the bottom of the inning. Greenway popped out. Cosmo hit for Morales and made another poor out. Kilmer hit for Garavito and doubled to right. Cory Cronk couldn’t buy a hit against a righty, so wouldn’t even get near another lefty here with the winning run on second base. Danny Monge got the stick instead. Berto gave him pointers as to that perfect spot in shallow right-center, and Monge came within inches of it as he ended the game with another perfect dinker for a walkoff single. 5-4 Furballs. Maldonado 2-5; M. Fernandez 3-5, HR, RBI; Greenway 2-5, 2B; Kilmer (PH) 1-1, 2B; Monge (PH) 1-1, RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1; Kilgallen 1-1, 2B;

In other news

August 30 – At the tender age of 31, NAS 2B/SS Billy Bouldin (.333, 1 HR, 50 RBI) slaps his 2,000th base hit in a 10-7 loss to the Stars. The two-time Gold Glover and 2037 FL batting champ has been batting .331/.364/.411 with 17 HR and 638 RBI for his career. He has stolen 294 bases and scored 839 runs.
August 30 – The rest of the regular season will take place without SFB INF Sergio Barcia (.241, 7 HR, 52 RBI), who is out with a broken forearm.
August 30 – TOP MR David Galmore (3-1, 7.94 ERA) walks five in 3.1 innings deep into long relief of the Buffos’ 18-inning, 7-6 loss to the Scorpions. The winning run scores on SAC RF/LF/1B Carlos Cortes’ (.308, 20 HR, 70 RBI) sac fly in the top of the 18th.
August 31 – CIN SP Jon Pereira (7-10, 4.24 ERA) 3-hits the Pacifics for a 4-0 shutout. He walks two and strikes out seven batters.
August 31 – Surgery to remove bone spurs from his elbow renders SFB SP Josh Long (14-8, 3.91 ERA) out for the season.
August 31 – The Loggers acquire INF Bob Cruz (.282, 1 HR, 27 RBI) on a waiver deal with the Cyclones, parting with a low-key prospect.
August 31 – The Thunder walk off on the Canadiens in the 15th inning, 3-2, in the truest sense of the word, following up a Jimmy Kuhn (.232, 8 HR, 38 RBI) single with three walks, the winning one drawn by RF/1B/LF John Marz (.254, 10 HR, 57 RBI) off Domingo Murillo (0-0, 4.15 ERA, 1 SV).
September 1 – The Aces announce that outfielder Steve Jorgensen (.330, 12 HR, 56 RBI) would miss another three weeks with a hamstring strain.
September 1 – The Knights win 5-0 over the Thunder, who amount to only one base hit, a fifth-inning Jose Agosto (.235, 0 HR, 12 RBI) single against ATL SP Terry Garrigan (9-12, 4.44 ERA), who goes eight innings for the win.
September 3 – The Knights beat the Thunder, 13-8. 11 Atlanta runs score in the seventh inning alone.

FL Player of the Week: DEN OF/1B Rich de Luna (.374, 1 HR, 33 RBI), batting .500 (12-24) with 4 RBI
CL Player of the Week: LVA OF Nate Rossi (.258, 13 HR, 70 RBI), hitting .400 (10-25) with 3 HR, 10 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: CIN LF/CF Jayden Lockwood (.303, 14 HR, 69 RBI), hitting .400 with 7 HR, 25 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: CHA INF/LF/RF Jose Farfan (.309, 18 HR, 97 RBI), hitting .310 with 5 HR, 34 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: DEN SP Derrick Forbes (9-7, 4.18 ERA), throwing for a 5-0 record with 2.61 ERA and 29 K
CL Pitcher of the Month: ATL SP Chris Lulay (11-9, 2.82 ERA), throwing for a 5-0 record with 1.10 ERA and 32 K
FL Rookie of the Month: DEN 1B Mark Cahill (.298, 15 HR, 81 RBI), hitting .309 with 4 HR, 26 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: IND 1B Pat Dodson (.291, 21 HR, 75 RB), hitting .300 with 4 HR, 16 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Winning two of three on the weekend gave us a season series win against New York with a 4-game set to spare. That will probably be the only one we win in the North this year. The ship on the Titans (3-12) and Indians (6-9) has already sailed. It’s not looking great against the damn Elks (6-8) and Loggers (4-8).

There are no easy wins for this team anymore. Everything is a chore. Everything is a massive pain in the fluffy bum. We went 3-3 against mediocre opposition this week, and of those three wins never won by more than two runs. The game we led 5-0 on Saturday? Oh, we lost that. Bullpen explosion.

Still not sure what will become of this team in the offseason. Much depends on where Nick Valdes goes with the budget. I’d be willing to hug this smelly corpse of a roster for another year (don’t I always?), but if the big man takes out four or five million bucks I can’t even do that. Then we can only turn Manny Fernandez and Troy Greenway into prospects and hope the best.

Speaking of prospects. Sterling righty Nelson Moreno returned to the Panthers in late August but appears a bit rusty after surgery and rehab. He had a 5-run game and two so-so outings. The last two starts before his injury were both 8-inning efforts with no runs allowed. Moreno also has a new teammate in our first-rounder from this year, Corey Mathers, who went 8-5 with a 2.49 ERA in Aumsville before being promoted to Ham Lake. He casually spun a 3-hit shutout in his first AA start, this Sunday.

And in terms of non-prospects? How’s Berto on third base after almost two years? The eyeball test says “eh”, but Cristiano Carmona had a long rant about how he is now worth half a win defensively for the full season in addition to two-and-a-half with the stick, and those were well-invested $600k even though the non-move lacked imagination and followed the same old rut of sitting put instead of making a bold move where necessary or recommended.

I’ll pretend that I only heard the complement about the good investment and will let Cristiano live.

Fun Fact: Mauricio Garavito won his first game of the season on Sunday. He has a win in relief in each of his 11 seasons with the Critters.

And he had as many as seven in a season in ’36. The old man, who triggered his 2040 option a good while back, is 38-37 with a 3.24 ERA, plus 16 saves, for his career. He has struck out 533 batters in 717.1 innings as a lefty reliever with a solid reputation to also get right-handed batters out at a fine rate.

He has in fact faced more right-handers than left-handers in his career. Of course his numbers are better against lefty bats. Right-handers have hit .277/.357/.403 with 35 HR and 158 RBI against the 37-year-old.

For left-handers it’s .235/.286/.337 with 21 HR and 74 RBI.

None of those numbers (which include his Bayhawks days) are bad for a waiver claim!

[Questdog]

What is Lara Day?

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

What is Lara Day?

She's the new villain on "Rich and Ruthless" on CBN. Her name might be Day, but one false move, and she makes it Good Night for you!

Or, alternatively, it's the day Gabriel Lara pitches for the Crusaders and almost wins but not quite.

[Questdog]

Originally Posted by Westheim

She's the new villain on "Rich and Ruthless" on CBN. Her name might be Day, but one false move, and she makes it Good Night for you!

Or, alternatively, it's the day Gabriel Lara pitches for the Crusaders and almost wins but not quite.

Doh! I missed the connection and thought it was some German Holiday that I had never heard of.....

[Westheim]

Raccoons (67-69) vs. Loggers (73-65) – September 5-7, 2039

The Loggers would fall short on account of offense, of which they had none. They were third from the bottom in the CL in runs scored, while being sixth in runs allowed. They were at -12 in run differential, but eight games over .500, while the Coons were two under, with a +20 run differential. The thing that stuck in my side was that the Loggers had fewer than four runs scored per game, but had scored five runs per game on the Critters. They were up 8-4 in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (7-12, 3.72 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (10-5, 3.08 ERA)
Steve Fidler (4-6, 4.78 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (6-8, 4.41 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (13-3, 3.46 ERA) vs. Carlos Padilla (10-9, 3.16 ERA)

Stockwell was the only southpaw on offer here. The Loggers had a lot of players on the DL, especially Alfredo Vargas, Danny Valenzuela, and Jared Paul.

Game 1
MIL: 1B Ronan – 3B B. Cruz – SS Del Vecchio – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – RF Leyva – 2B V. Acosta – CF S. Watson – P Piedra
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – C Morales – 1B Monge – SS Nickas – P B. Chavez

One first baseman reached on an error of the other first baseman, and then the first first baseman stole second base while Bernie struck out Bob Cruz, and eventually Joseph Ronan scored on an infield single by Justin Nelson to Alberto Ramos’ feet – CRISTIANO!! Bring back your defensive wizardry charts so I can shove them UP YOUR ***!! Berto was then also on base to begin the bottom 1st, and was doubled up when Cosmo lined out to Joseph Ronan. After that deflation, the Raccoons wouldn’t reach scoring position until Maldonado doubled with one out in the fourth. Manny was ahead of him after a leadoff single. He scored when Tony Morales grounded out to Victor Acosta. Maldo also scored on Danny Monge’s single, giving Portland a 2-1 lead that didn’t last, going bust on another error. Ronan was on first when Ted Del Vecchio singled to center with two outs. Ronan hustled for third base, Maldonado’s throw was outrageous and sent Berto scurrying into foul ground, while Ronan chugged home to score and tie the game. Nelson grounded out after that, but it was 2-2, and everything was sad.

Bottom 6th, Tony Morales lobbed a ball over the fence to give the Critters a new lead, 3-2, although at this point I felt no joy anymore. I was only dreading Nick Valdes’ next appearance or message with the budget being cut in ******* half. The Loggers had right-hander Cesar Perez on the mound for the bottom 7th. Hooge singled in Bernie’s place leading off. Cosmo and Manny also reached, and with the bags full Greenway dropped a single near the rightfield line to score two runs. Troy was forced out on Maldo’s grounder, but Manny made it to third base, then scored on a Morales single to left.

Top 8th, the Loggers loaded the bases to bring up the tying run with two outs against Jose de Leon, who walked Bob Cruz before being sabotaged on a Nickas error and then – putting on Rico Leyva – ******* catcher’s interference. Chris Miller and Jeff Kilmer entered in a double switch. Victor Acosta struck out, stranding all the runners. The Raccoons also had the bases loaded in the same inning; Hoogey and Hernandez hit singles, and lefty Mike Leeth nicked Cosmo, bringing up Manny with one out. Sac fly to center, then two singles by Kilmer and Maldonado, each bringing in another run. That brought up Miller in the #6 spot. The Raccoons let him bat, flying out to center, then saw him retire three in a row. 9-2 Raccoons. Hernandez (PH) 1-1; Trevino 2-4; M. Fernandez 2-2, BB, 2B, RBI; Greenway 2-4, 2 RBI; Kilmer (PH) 1-1, RBI; Maldonado 2-5, RBI; Morales 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Hooge (PH) 2-2; Chavez 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (8-12);

Game 2
MIL: 1B Ronan – 2B V. Acosta – SS Del Vecchio – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – RF Leyva – 3B Yoshioka – CF Prestwood – P Stockwell
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – 3B Caskey – SS Williams – P Fidler

Portland had one hit the first time through, a Cosmo triple that allowed Manny to hit a sac fly. That was the only run in the early innings, Fidler spilling two singles and a walk, but the Loggers seemed to have left the venomous bite at home. The next time at the plate, Cosmo ripped another triple in left-center, leading off the fourth inning. Manny doubled this time, cashing his second RBI in a 2-0 game. He would come in on a Greenway single, 3-0.

Then it was 3-2 on Acosta’s 2-out, 2-run double in the fifth, over Maldonado’s head, with Kenta Yoshioka and Joseph Ronan on the corners. I don’t know, Slappy, maybe we should just exchange Steve Fidler for Steve from Accounting…

Fidler was out before the sixth was over after a single by John Maier, a 24-year-old sophomore in his second game of the year, in for an injured Rico Leyva. Garavito replaced him, got Yoshioka, and the inning ended. Prieto followed after that, while Pena would be in for the eighth. Felipe Gomez singled off him, and then PH Matt Cooper singled off David Fernandez. The Loggers were on the corners in the 3-2 game with one out, and Yoshioka hit a fly to right that Greenway caught. I sighed, Gomez went for home – and was thrown out by Greenway, ending the inning! The Critters countered with Kilmer singling home Cosmo in the bottom of the inning against lefty Rob Clack, going up 4-2. Top 9th, Chris Miller yet again. Tyler Prestwood opened with a single to center. Roy Pincus hit another single to center. I sighed. Travis Park struck out with the tying runs on, and then the thing imploded with Acosta, who hit a bouncer to Elijah Williams. Six, to four, to three – ballgame! 4-2 Raccoons! Trevino 3-4, 2 3B; Greenway 2-4, RBI;

Yay, back to .500!

(Nick Valdes appears in the door, looking extremely angry)

Look, Nick, we’re back at .500! – Fine, be like this!

Game 3
MIL: 1B Ronan – 3B B. Cruz – SS Del Vecchio – LF J. Nelson – C F. Gomez – RF Pincus – 2B V. Acosta – CF Prestwood – P C. Padilla
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Maldonado – C Morales – LF Cronk – SS Williams – P Bedrosian

The Loggers hit three straight singles with one out in the first inning, loading them up before Bedrosian wiggled out of it just as Nick Valdes was beginning to grumble himself into a rant. Bedrosian struck out four the first time through, not allowing any of the runners to score; Felipe Gomez popped out, and Pincus was rung up. The Loggers struck in the fourth though, when Bedrosian walked a pair with two outs, and Tyler Prestwood doubled home a run with a ball dropping near the leftfield line. Padilla grounded out to strand two in scoring position. That was the only run out of Bedrosian, who struck out eight, but was also whittled down over just six innings. – I know, Nick, I know, we didn’t score any run. – Yes, it’s outrageous. – Yes, we should cut payroll in half. Totally. – Wait, is there my salary included in that? Because the rent’s become really expensive over here…

Clark and Campbell would hold up in the seventh, but Francisco Pena in the eighth didn’t. Felipe Gomez hit a leadoff double, and he walked Pincus right after that. The Loggers made two outs, but then Padilla (…) and Ronan hit back-to-back 2-out RBI singles. David Fernandez then got a pop from Bob Cruz to end the damn inning. – No, Nick, we didn’t score a run while you were in the restroom. – No, that’s the Loggers. – Yes, they’re up 3-0 now. – I know, Nick, I am also extremely angry. Extremely angry!

Cosmo was on in the bottom 8th, which led nowhere, and the Loggers had two on against Travis Sims in the ninth, which also led nowhere, somehow. Raul de la Rosa was up for the bottom of the ninth. Morales struck out. Ed Hooge hit for completely listless Cory Cronk and hit a single, moving the tying run to where we could actually see it, in the on-deck circle. De la Rosa walked Williams, bringing the tying run to the plate. Kilmer hit for Sims, but struck out. Berto lined to left-center for an RBI single, and now Cosmo was batting as the winning run. His grounder to right ended the game, Acosta to Ronan. 3-1 Loggers. M. Fernandez 2-3; Hooge (PH) 1-1;

I know, Nick, shambles. – Yes, appalling. – Totally, they should be fed to the thylacines in your private zoo.

Wait, what?

Raccoons (69-70) @ Titans (83-56) – September 9-11, 2039

The Titans were 2 1/2 games out in the division and needed those wins, and this was Boston, so the Raccoons would have terrible things happen to them. Three errors in a row, then a triple by the pitcher – that kind of stuff. The Titans were merely up 13-2 in the season series. I expected nothing but the worst out of this team against the #6 offense and #1 pitching.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (11-6, 2.75 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (17-6, 3.18 ERA)
Drew Johnson (10-9, 3.34 ERA) vs. Javy Santana (7-9, 3.38 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-12, 3.62 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (12-9, 2.79 ERA)

A left-hander, two right-handers, all due W’s.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – SS Caskey – LF Kilgallen – 1B Monge – P Sabre
BOS: SS Bunyon – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Dear – RF J. Davis – 2B Toney – P M. Gonzalez

Berto singled, Cosmo reached because Donovan Bunyon dropped his pop, and then Jeff Kilmer hit into a double play and it all went downhill from there. Greenway flew out to center, and Bunyon grounded out to first, but Sabre walked Antonio Gil, then gave up four straight base hits, including a bases-clearing double by Jose Garcia. Matt Dear drove him in, and it was 4-0 in just like (clicks fingers) nothing. BOSTON, BABY.

But things went wrong for Boston, too. Gil singled in the bottom 2nd and was picked off by Sabre to end the inning. Mark Vermillion left with a hamstring strain after three innings and would not be back in the regular season, which was certainly a terrible blow for them.

Top 4th, Kilmer walked to start the inning, and Maldonado doubled with one out, putting two in scoring position for whatever the **** Jon Caskey was. He struck out, but Matt Kilgallen hit a single to center to plate both Kilmer and Maldo, cutting the gap in half before the inning ended. The Boston then roughed up Sabre again in the fifth and knocked him out on three hits and a run. Garavito replaced him, allowed a single to Garcia to load the bags, then conceded another run on Dear’s double play. He walked John Davis, but Mike Toney popped out, stranding two in a 6-2 game. A Greenway homer made up a run in the sixth, but the Titans shook that out of Garavito in the bottom of the inning again. Portland then had the bags full in the seventh with nobody out – the best of scenarios to croak. Kilgallen and Ledford hit singles off Gonzalez, then Aaron Howell, while Cory Cronk reached on Bunyon’s error. Howell balked in a run, 7-4, but Berto struck out. Cosmo hit a sac fly to center. Morales grounded out in Kilmer’s spot, so that ended the inning. Jermaine Campbell got the bottom 7th, and gave up a bomb to Matt Dear, so there was another thing you’d never think you’d see in this ******* series… Brent Clark was up for the eighth, allowed two hits and a walk, and only got out of it mostly because Moises Avila was caught stealing in between runners… and somehow the Raccoons even got the tying run to the plate in the ninth inning. Joel Hernandez hit a single off Mike Hugh, was forced out by Cory Cronk, and Berto hit a 2-out single. Cosmo was up with two outs and flew out to Willie Vega on the first pitch. 8-5 Titans. Ramos 2-4; Ledford (PH) 1-1; Hernandez 1-1;

Ah, all those Boston vibes…!

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – 1B Kilgallen – SS Williams – P Johnson
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – 1B J. Garcia – LF W. Vega – C Dear – SS Bunyon – CF Huntly – 2B Toney – P J. Santana

The Titans scored four runs in the first inning on Saturday, too. Drew Johnson allowed only one base hit, but walked not one batter, not two, not three, not four or five, he walked SIX TITANS in the first inning. I smelled blood in my mouth. He also balked early on with only Avila on base. So that was that, but the Raccoons would load the bags with nobody out in the fourth inning. Manny, Greenway, Kilmer were all stacked up for Ed Hooge, who struck out, but Kilgallen singled to center, plating a run, 4-1. Williams’ sac fly made it 4-2, and Johnson was yanked for Brad Ledford, slapping a double up the rightfield line for a run, 4-3. Berto was next, knocked a ball just past Toney’s glove for a 2-out, 2-run single, flipping the score to 5-4…! The string ended with Cosmo flying out to Avila.

With Sean Calais hitting for Santana to begin the bottom 4th, both teams were now in their pen. The Raccoons sent de Leon, which went as ******* ugly as the last 17 times. Calais tripled, and the Titans slapped another two hard knocks to take a 6-5 lead. The Titans had two more hits in the bottom of the fifth, but didn’t get across, and Moises Avila hit a leadoff single in the sixth before the Raccoons went on to David Fernandez against the pile of lefty bats coming up. He retired three in a row while keeping Avila on base and the score at 6-5.

Danny Monge hit a leadoff double in the #9 hole in the seventh inning against right-hander Seth Green. Berto’s grounder moved him to third base, and Cosmo’s sac fly tied the game at six and that was the last run in regulation while Prieto and Pena held the fort for the Raccoons. The game went to extra innings, with Mike Hugh pitching for Boston against the 2-3-4 batters. Hugh got rid of them with two grounders and a strikeout. The Raccoons countered with Travis Sims, who walked Jose Santillan leading off the inning. Paul Kuehn doubled to left, moving the winning run to third base, so there was that. Avila popped out, and Sims walked Antonio Gil. We accepted our fate. Jose Garcia fell to 1-2, then popped out against Sims. Willie Vega was at 2-2, then grounded out to Cosmo, and the game continued after all. Even Campbell in the 11th held up despite a leadoff single by Dear! Top 12th, Jon Caskey hit a leadoff single against righty Shane Jacobs in Williams’ spot. He went on movement while Jacobs pitched to Danny Monge, gave up a gapper in left-center, and Caskey scored easily to break the tie. Berto singled home Monge, who drew a throw from Bill Huntly that had no greater effect than allowing Berto to second base. It took two outs to score him, with Greenway singling him home. Kilmer flew out, and then we sent Chris Miller. Bobby Mendoza (who?) led off with a single to right, but Avila popped out, and Gil hit into a double play. 9-6 Coons! Ramos 2-6, 3 RBI; Greenway 2-6, RBI; Caskey (PH) 1-1; Ledford (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Monge 2-3, 2 2B, RBI; Pena 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

Just when I thought that we’d go 3-15 against Boston …!

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Morales – 1B Maldonado – CF Hooge – SS Williams – P Chavez
BOS: RF M. Avila – CF J. Davis – 1B J. Garcia – LF W. Vega – SS Bunyon – 3B Gil – C Kuehn – 2B Toney – P Willett

Moises Avila hit a double to begin the Titans’ day, but was thrown out at home by Manny on John Davis’ single, while the Critters dinged Willett for three singles and Williams drove in a run on the last one of them in the top 2nd, scoring Greenway. Bernie Chavez struck out six in the first three innings but was derailed by an hour-long rain delay, and saw the lead dissipate when Toney doubled home Antonio Gil in the fourth inning. But Bernie tried to make it work, somehow, and held out into the sixth inning. He walked Gil, who stole second and reached third base on Morales’ throwing error. Bernie got Kuehn to pop out, and since there were now two outs, we walked Toney to get up Willett, who fell to 1-2, then grounded to short… and Elijah Williams ****** it. Error, the second of the inning, and Gil scored, giving Boston a 2-1 lead. Avila flew out after that, ending the inning, but the taste of blood was just everywhere.

Morales hit a leadoff single in the seventh against Willett before Maldonado hit into a double play. Ed Hooge legged out an infield single, Williams reached on a Gil error, and now the Raccoons pounced with Brad Ledford’s pinch-hit single to right, which brought Hoogey around to tie the score. Berto singled to right, Williams was sent around and scored as well, and now Portland was up again. Cosmo grounded out after that as Willett bailed out. Brent Clark got through the seventh against the Bostonians, and the Coons came back with the bases loaded and nobody out against the Titans. Manny doubled to open the top 8th, Greenway was walked with intent, and Tony singled to fill the sacks. Maldonado slapped a double for two runs, Hooge walked, but Williams hit into a 5-2-3 double play as the train derailed with great noise. Cronk batted for Clark, and went to 2-for-29 with a fly to left, ending the inning. And because nothing was ever easy, Mauricio Garavito retired the first two in the bottom 8th, then allowed a single to Kuehn, a single to Toney, a 2-run double to ancient Tomas Caraballo, 5-4, and the inning only ended when Moises Avila whiffed against Prieto. Danny Monge doubled home Fernandez off Ben Darr in the ninth, hitting in Troy Greenway’s deserted #4 hole after two double switches right around the Garavito collapse. The Raccoons stuck to Prieto in the bottom 9th, because they had run out of left-handers, and everything was a mess already. He walked Davis on four pitches to get going. Ricardo Vadillo grounded to Cosmo for a force at second base. Willie Vega didn’t care – he homered to right. Tied ballgame. I wailed. It still didn’t matter. Tied ballgame.

Top 10th, Maldo and Williams hit singles off Howell to get to the corners. That brought up Cronk, which was a problem, but we were also out of outfielders, which was also a problem, which shouldn’t have mattered, because we had been up by THREE, but somehow our ******* bullpen was our biggest problem. It was a real landslide, burying entire villages just as well as the 2039 season. Cronk go to bat, reluctantly, predictably struck out, and Berto walked to fill the bags, but Cosmo hadn’t been great in the clutch for two weeks now. At least this was with two outs and a double play wasn’t on the table anymore. He grounded out on the first pitch. The Raccoons were back at Travis Sims in the bottom 10th, which led the Titans to high-five in the dugout before he ever threw a pitch. He nailed Kuehn right away, but PH Chris Joseph hit into a double play. Bill Huntly flew out to left, sending the game to the 11th, where Sims walked Avila, who was forced out by Vadillo, but Vadillo still had two legs to score on a Willie Vega ball into the corner. 7-6 Titans. M. Fernandez 2-6, 2B; Monge 1-1, BB, 2B, RBI; Morales 3-6; Maldonado 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Williams 3-5, RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1, RBI;

In other news

September 5 – The Titans rout the Crusaders, 12-2, scoring a solid 11-spot in the third inning.
September 6 – CHA SS Tony Aparicio (.285, 10 HR, 65 RBI) was out for the season with a strained hammy.
September 7 – The Aces beat the Condors, 1-0, on nothing but a solo homer by 1B/OF Ricardo Zarazua (.263, 2 HR, 18 RBI).
September 10 – CHA 1B Matt Taylor (.303, 1 HR, 4 RBI) goes yard in the 10th inning for the only score in the Falcons’ 1-0 win over the Knights.

FL Player of the Week: WAS 3B/2B Rich Falzone (.278, 6 HR, 48 RBI), hitting .529 (9-17) with 3 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB 2B Dan Schneller (.313, 17 HR, 57 RBI), hitting .478 (11-23) with 3 RBI

Complaints and stuff

This week was no joy. Well, the entire season wasn’t. But I hear there’ll be new one next year.

Down I-5, the Wolves are inches from clinching a division that is 54 games under .500 …?

Everything is dumb.

Fortunately, the string is getting shorter. Three weeks remaining. Next week we’ll circle home via New York and Tijuana. Then it’s a homestand with the Knights and Arrowheads. The team will venture north for meaningless games (for us at least) in the frozen tundra after that, then host the Loggers to end the charade.

Next time this week, we’re probably already eliminated mathematically, too. Currently we’d even have a protected draft pick (#11) for next year. Would having a protected draft pick change the offseason approach a great deal?

2037 sixth-rounder Ben Southall tore all the important ligaments in his knee this week. He will be out until next summer. He had batted .307/.390/.420 in Aumsville early on this year, but then had languished at .225/.295/.295 in AA.

Fun Fact: The Warriors have not finished last in the FL West since 2023.

Back then they still won 71 games, which might not happen this year. That was also their most recent 90-loss season. There’s four division titles and two rings in between there, which isn’t too shabby for a small-market team in the middle of North Dakota.

What is it, Cristiano? – What is in South Dakota? – Ah, nobody cares.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (70-72) @ Crusaders (63-79) – September 12-15, 2039

The Raccoons would continue to fail their way towards the sweet release of Closing Day, now facing the team second-worst in the North, second-worst in offense in the CL, and fourth-worst in pitching in the CL. They were the one team we were comfortable rolling in the North, being up 10-4 in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Steve Fidler (5-6, 4.68 ERA) vs. Josh Brown (11-9, 3.10 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (13-4, 3.39 ERA) vs. Casey Pinter (10-8, 3.58 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (11-7, 3.00 ERA) vs. Gabriel Lara (7-13, 4.43 ERA)
Drew Johnson (10-9, 3.52 ERA) vs. Jamal Barrow (5-11, 4.92 ERA)

Two southpaws to start the week, then two right-handers, including Lara Day on Wednesday.

This was also the final road series we’d play in the States this season; our last two road series were in other countries.

There would also not be a game on Monday on accounts of rain. A double header was scheduled for Tuesday.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – CF Maldonado – RF Ledford – SS Williams – 1B Monge – P Fidler
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – CF Besaw – 2B C. Russell – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 1B Rudd – SS J. Adams – P J. Brown

The Raccoons didn’t reach base in the first two innings, while the Crusaders got Ramon Sifuentes on base with a single. He stole second, then scored when Cosmo Trevino threw away Tom Rudd’s grounder for two bases. Jim Adams grounded after that. While the Raccoons continued to not reach base like real pros, the Crusaders got Sifuentes on again with a single in the fourth. He stole second once more, and scored as well, and again with two outs and Tom Rudd batting. This time, Rudd belted a 1-2 pitch over the fence in right, 3-0.

The Raccoons still had not been on base even once against Josh Brown in the sixth inning, when Sifuentes drew a walk from Fidler to begin the bottom 6th. Devin Phillips struck out, and Tom Rudd doubled after three pickoff attempts in five pitches had kept Sifuentes at first base. Now they were both in scoring position, and Fidler was yanked. Jermaine Campbell came on and struck out Adams and Brown, who in all honesty had other **** to worry about. Nope, too late – Berto clipped a single to left to start the seventh, and after 18 outs the perfect bid went up in smoke. Manny Fernandez helped make Brown feel better, hitting into a double play to short-circuit the inning. The Raccoons did not reach base again until Matt Kilgallen’s pinch-hit single in the ninth inning, with one out on the board. Troy Greenway batted for Francisco Pena, jammed a grounder into Chris Russell’s mitten, and the 4-6-3 ended the game. 3-0 Crusaders. Kilgallen (PH) 1-1;

Josh Brown (12-9, 2.95 ERA) struck out five as he faced the minimum. The Raccoons amounted to 81 pitches seen and lost in a crisp 2:10, two minutes of which were rueful looks and comforting applause for Brown after the Berto single.

The good news is … (peeks at wristwatch) … that at this pace I can see them finish two games and make it back to the hotel to pig out while watching LaShauntelle’s show. This week she’ll have a mixed-race midget on who feels like they were born in the wrong body and want to be changed into a toaster.

Still better entertainment than THIS!

Game 2
POR: SS Williams – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – 1B Kilgallen – 3B Hernandez – C Lancaster – P Bedrosian
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salek – CF Besaw – 2B C. Russell – 3B Sifuentes – 1B Rudd – C Duryea – SS J. Adams – P Pinter

Chris Lancaster threw out Rich Salek trying to steal a base in the first inning, then brought in the game’s first run with a groundout in the second, finding Matt Kilgallen and Joel Hernandez in scoring position upon two singles and a fielding error by Joe Besaw. Next, Salek hurt himself in a tumble catching a Bedrosian floater. He made the catch (and Hernandez was eventually stranded) but required replacement with Ryan Carr. Kilgallen reached again in the fourth, then advanced on Hernandez’ groundout and scored on Lancaster’s single – what a day for a guy on nobody’s scouting report!

The Crusaders didn’t get a hit through three innings, then got a run on back-to-back screaming liners for hits by Joe Besaw and Chris Russell in the bottom 4th, shortening the gap to 2-1. Bedrosian held on, supported with another run supplied when Greenway singled home Manny Fernandez in the fifth, but also held up for only six innings, throwing 102 pitches for no discernible reason. Portland brought Greenway back to the plate with Manny in scoring position in the seventh after Manny singled and Maldonado reached on a Sifuentes error. Greenway grounded hard to right, past Russell, and Manny circled around to score on another RBI single. Ryan Carr’s throw home was late and allowed the trailing runners to advance with one out, promoting an intentional walk to Kilgallen. Right-hander Aaron Hickey then replaced Pinter, with Ed Hooge hitting for Hernandez for a sac fly. Lancaster singled to load the bases, and Tony Morales hit for Bedrosian and singled home a pair in center. Elijah Williams grounded out, ending the inning with Portland up 7-1.

That lead went to Jose de Leon in the bottom 7th so he could feed it into the woodchipper, but he only hit Russell with an 0-2 pitch and saw Sifuentes pop out before calling for Dr. Padilla, leading to his removal. Garavito found a way out of the inning before the Critters’ 3-4-5 batters loaded the sacks against the Crusaders’ pen in the eighth. Kilgallen hit a 2-run single before Jon Caskey and Lancaster made outs to end the inning. Travis Sims, always useless, walked two and gave up a run in the bottom 8th, 9-2, but Brent Clark finished the game without accident in the ninth inning. 9-2 Raccoons. M. Fernandez 2-4; Maldonado 2-4, BB, 2B; Greenway 2-4, BB, 2 RBI; Kilgallen 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; Lancaster 2-5, 2 RBI; Morales (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI; Bedrosian 6.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (14-4);

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Maldonado – C Morales – CF Hooge – SS Caskey – P Sabre
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salmeron – CF Besaw – 2B C. Russell – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 1B Rudd – SS J. Adams – P Lara

The Crusaders got three runners and one run in the opening inning against Sabre, who hit the first two batters, both in 0-2 counts, which apparently was a thing pitchers could do (grumble grumble) … and Sifuentes would hit a run-scoring infield single with two outs in the inning. Jon Caskey tied the game at one, singling home Maldonado in the top 2nd, but the bottom 2nd started with Tom Rudd’s infield single, and I gave up all hope at that point. Jim Adams doubled. Two productive outs scored two runs, and everything was down the toilet once more. Sabre would even hit a 2-out single in the fourth to load the bases in joining Maldo and Caskey … and Berto grounded out to strand all of them. Instead, Tom Rudd hit a leadoff double in the bottom 4th and scored on Lara’s sac fly.

Lara Day sucked, to the tune of Manny singling in the fifth and Greenway hitting into a double play. The Raccoons somehow dragged Sabre through seven in an obvious losing effort in which the Crusaders got their leadoff man aboard five out of seven innings. Manny hit a double in the eighth … and Greenway and Maldonado both struck out against Lara. Manuel Vasquez replaced Lara in the ninth. Morales was out. Hooge was out. Cory Cronk hit for Jon Caskey just to get it over with quickly, and struck out. 4-1 Crusaders. M. Fernandez 3-4, 2 2B;

I think Manny deserves a trade to a team that deserves him.

Game 4
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – CF Hooge – 1B Monge – SS Nickas – P Johnson
NYC: LF J. Garcia – RF Salmeron – CF Besaw – 2B C. Russell – 3B Sifuentes – C D. Phillips – 1B Rudd – SS J. Adams – P Barrow

Berto walked, stole second, and scored on Manny’s double, while Kilmer cashed Fernandez with a 2-out single for an early 2-0 lead on Jamal Barrow, but in the second inning a leadoff double from Danny Monge led nowhere. Nickas and Johnson made poor outs, and Berto walked again, but Cosmo couldn’t get the ball to fall in. Drew Johnson held up neatly through two innings, and then it started to rain again. In the rain, Johnson walked the bags full in the bottom 3rd, but Russell’s deep fly to left ended the inning when Manny caught it on the warning track. Once the rain subsided again, Johnson returned back to being alright, holding the Crusaders to a pair of hits and those three walks through five innings.

The Raccoons did simply nothing after taking the early 2-0 lead, then waited until the Crusaders put the tying runs on the corners with two outs in the bottom 7th after a Phillips double and a single by … Barrow. Prieto came on, threw a wild pitch to get New York on the board, then walked Juan Garcia anyway. David Fernandez would get PH Ryan Carr on a pop, ending the damn inning. Finally, a few of the striped tailbearers twitched. Cosmo opened the eighth with a single, stole second, and came home on Kilmer’s 2-out single, 3-1. Hooge flew out to left, though. Cosmo singled home Tony Morales in a slow ninth inning though. Crucially, Cory Cronk drew a walk hitting for Jermaine Campbell – so he *had* a pulse after all! Chris Miller was charged with a run on three singles in the bottom 9th, but why get mad about that anymore, we’d get a new bullpen this winter anyway… 4-2 Raccoons. Trevino 3-5, RBI; Kilmer 2-4, 2 RBI; Johnson 6.2 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 6 K, W (11-9);

Raccoons (72-74) @ Condors (71-75) – September 16-18, 2039

More garbage games between two garbage teams – actually, no. The Condors still had a chance, sitting in fifth place but only four games out with a dozen and small change to play. But they could not afford to lose any more games. They were seventh in runs scored AND runs allowed, and thoroughly crummy, but they had a chance. We were up in the season series, 4-2.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (8-12, 3.55 ERA) vs. Edward Flinn (12-11, 3.94 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (2-2, 7.88 ERA) vs. Brad Quintero (9-18, 4.89 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (14-4, 3.33 ERA) vs. Bryce Neal (11-11, 3.49 ERA)

Two right-handers, then Southpaw Sunday! … and no, nobody had planned for Jared Ottinger to get involved in this, but after the Tuesday double-header we wanted to get a spot starter in for Saturday. De Leon had been high on the list, but Dr. Padilla came back with news that he had a tear in his triceps and was done with ’39. Off to the DL he went. Ottinger was a warm body that was available.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – SS Caskey – C Morales – 1B Kilgallen – P Chavez
TIJ: SS Strohm – CF J. Simmons – RF Willie Ojeda – 2B Ragsdale – LF Dunlap – 1B Rempfer – C M. Sawyer – 3B R. West – P Flinn

Bernie allowed three singles and struck out as many the first time through, avoiding getting scored upon, but in the third inning Justin Simmons and Willie Ojeda went to the corners with 1-out singles and Dylan Ragsdale hit a sac fly. The Raccoons once again were late to putting their pants on and their bats out of the bat crate, so in the early innings batted in their white shorts with little red hearts on them, swinging a rolling pin, which went about as well as could be expected. Come the fourth, Cosmo whacked a leadoff triple through and scored on Fernandez’ bloop single, tying the game at one. Manny was then caught stealing. (sigh!)

While the two pitchers were sandpapering away at the enemy lineup, Dylan Ragsdale would get on base with a bloop single in the sixth, much like Manny’s RBI single earlier. Ragsdale did so with nobody on base and one out. Tom Dunlap popped out. Brent Rempfer then popped the casual homer to left that we were used to seeing off Bernie Chavez. It was the 171st homer off Bernie Chavez in the majors. It didn’t hurt anymore.

Manny opened the seventh with a triple to right, then scored on Maldo’s grounder to second after Greenway had foolishly grounded out to first. The Raccoons got a pinch-hit single from Danny Monge in the eighth, but nothing else. The ninth began with the #2 spot against righty Steve Bailey. One to tie, two to take the lead, three and four hitters singled after Cosmo’s groundout. Maldonado then lined out to Ragsdale on a 3-2 pitch. Manny had gone on the loud contact, was 40 feet off the base, and doubled off to end the inning. 3-2 Condors. M. Fernandez 3-4, 3B, RBI; Greenway 2-4; Monge (PH) 1-1;

This was also mathematical elimination for the Critters.

Not that we hadn’t been factually eliminated in May.

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – SS Maldonado – C Morales – CF Hooge – 1B Monge – RF Cronk – P Ottinger
TIJ: SS Strohm – CF J. Simmons – RF Willie Ojeda – 2B Ragsdale – C Wall – 1B Rempfer – LF Toohey – 3B R. West – P B. Quintero

Justin Simmons and Dylan Ragsdale dropped singles to put Tijuana up 1-0 in the first, and it didn’t look like Ottinger was gonna have a rebounding outing. But Quintero had his issues and put Raccoons on base, and while they were clumsy and stranded three total in the first tow innings, Cosmo tied the game with a jack in the third inning. Manny was then nicked and Maldo doubled, putting the go-ahead runs in scoring position for Tony Morales, who hit a sac fly, and Ed Hooge, who did even less than that, ending the inning. Ragsdale instantly tied the game again with a double plating Willie Ojeda in the bottom 3rd, and it was two-all through three.

Neither pitcher was that great, to be fair. Monge and Berto singled to reach the corners by the time there were two outs in the fourth, and then Cosmo buried a ball in the gap for a 2-run triple, which also put him on cycle watch – he had a single in the first, a homer in the third, now the triple; only a double left! For the moment though, he scored on a Fernandez single, 5-2. Quintero somehow got out of the inning, giving the 5-2 lead to Ottie, who gave up a single to Rempfer, but Bryce Toohey hit into a double play. Rhett West singled with two outs, but the inning somehow ended without a series of explosions.

Bill Quintero was so bad, even CORY CRONK singled home a run against him in the fifth, which was then enough even for the Condors. Cronk nevertheless scored on a Ramos single, also going on his ledger in a 7-2 game. The Berto single brought up Cosmo with two outs, but against Mario Benavidez he lined out to second base. Benavidez loaded the bases on walks with nobody out in the sixth before Hooge and Monge both popped out. Stunningly, Cronk zinged a 2-out, 2-run single before Ottinger grounded out. Up 9-2, it looked like Ottie might even WIN the game, but just to be unsure gave up a jack to Rempfer opening the bottom 6th. He also walked Rhett West, gave up an RBI double to Strohm, and was finally yanked after 5.2 innings and 10 hits against him. Pena replaced him, nailed Simmons, and somehow Willie Ojeda didn’t smash a 10-run homer in that spot…. He popped out to center, keeping the Coons up 9-4 through six.

The top 7th opened with a single to right for Berto, bringing up Cosmo again against right-hander David Torres. He hit into a double play. The eighth was uneventful, and the ninth began with Gabe McGill on the mound and Monge batting. Two had to get on and not get doubled off for Cosmo to get a third chance for the cycle. Monge singled to right. Cory Cronk was nailed. Greenway batted for the pitcher, then singled to stack the bags. Berto popped out, because three on and nobody out. That brought up Cosmo, though, and while he dropped a hit into center at 2-2, he dropped it in front of Justin Simmons. Monge scored, Cronk scored, Greenway was slapped out at third base, and there would not be a cycle for Cosmo… Even the Coons’ pen wouldn’t give up seven runs in the bottom of the ninth, despite employment of Travis Sims… 11-4 Coons. Ramos 3-5, BB, RBI; Trevino 4-6, HR, 3B, 5 RBI; Maldonado 2-4, BB, 2B; Monge 2-5; Cronk 2-3, BB, 3 RBI; Greenway (PH) 1-1; Pena 2.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

So was that more yay or more meh?

Tough to say.

Tough to care when you’re eliminated in mid-September.

Game 3
POR: 2B Caskey – CF Maldonado – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – SS Williams – 1B Monge – 3B Hernandez – LF Cronk – P Bedrosian
TIJ: SS Strohm – CF J. Simmons – RF Willie Ojeda – C Wall – 1B Rempfer – 2B Shay – LF Phinazee – 3B R. West – P Neal

Some #8 hitter was cronking it up, singling home a run in the second inning when the 6-7-8 pokers all reached base against Neal, putting the Critters up 1-0. That lead was frittered away on Mal Phinazee’s leadoff double off the fence in leftfield in the bottom 3rd, a stolen base attempt and a sad throwing error by Jeff Kilmer. While Phinazee hit another double in the iffth against Bedrosian, he didn’t get around that time, and that was pretty much all that happened through five innings.

Willie Ojeda hit a single in the sixth, but was thrown out trying to snatch second. The Raccoons had stranded Kilmer the same inning, then got Hernandez on base leading off the seventh. Cronk grounded out, but Bedrosian singled, putting runners on the corners. Jon Caskey came up, slapped a liner over Strohm for an RBI single, and we had a 2-1 lead. Maldonado hit another liner for a single, but with Bedrosian at the head of the line nobody scored. The bases were now full for Kilmer, who hit a fly to deep right, but not deep right enough. Bedrosian was sent home, but wasn’t fast enough, either, and was thrown out by Ojeda, ending the inning. It was still 2-1 Coons when the Condors got Rhett West on base with a leadoff walk in the eighth. Ragsdale pinch-hit and bunted, yet badly, getting West forced out at second base. Kelvin Winborn pinch-hit in the #1 hole, with Portland going to David Fernandez against the left-handed batter. He got a grounder that Monge fudged for an error, but Simmons struck out and Ojeda grounded out after that. It was then Chris Miller for the ninth. Tom Dunlap pinch-hit for Kurt Wall to get another lefty bat in, but struck out, and so did Rempfer. Oh, and ex-Coon Noel Ferrero? He, too. 2-1 Critters. Greenway 2-4; Hernandez 1-2, BB; Hooge (PH) 1-1; Bedrosian 7.1 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 3 BB, 7 K, W (15-4) and 1-3;

In other news

September 13 – Charlotte’s SP Rafael Pedraza (14-11, 3.59 ERA) pitches a complete-game 8-hitter for a 15-2 win over the Aces… and goes 5-for-5 at the plate, with a home run, four singles, and two runs batted in. He scored three times.
September 14 – The Wolves clinch the FL West with an 8-7 win over the second-place Gold Sox, doing so with 17 games to spare.
September 17 – An eighth-inning, pinch-hit single by RF Jacob Kolbe (.244, 0 HR, 7 RBI) is everything that keeps the Canadiens from being no-hit by the Bayhawks’ Jose Moreno (9-13, 4.20 ERA), who is ultimately relieved after the inning. SFB CL Tim Thweatt (9-7, 3.12 ERA, 32 SV) saves the 1-0 victory.
September 18 – CHA SP Rafael Pedraza (15-11, 3.45 ERA) spins a 5-hit shutout against the Crusaders, claiming a 2-0 victory. At the plate he goes a pedestrian 0-for-3 this time.
September 18 – The Blue Sox beat the Wolves, 3-2 in 16 innings, on an unearned run when Andy Montes (.295, 11 HR, 72 RBI) singles home Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.314, 11 HR, 68 RBI).

FL Player of the Week: PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.334, 35 HR, 112 RBI), hitting .400 (10-25) with 4 HR, 11 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB 1B Salvador Ayala (.301, 7 HR, 30 RBI), hitting .565 (13-23) with 1 HR, 1 RBI

Complaints and stuff

I object! The league office is stupid! Pedraza went 2-0 with a 2.00 ERA and hit .625 with a homer and two RBI and should be Player of the Week. And I mean it!!

Just look at the South. I will ask Maud whether we can arrange for the Raccoons to move to the South next year. How far south do we have to go, Maud? – At least Long Beach? – No thanks, the people down there are weird. – (looks at Chad in the full mascot costume, nodding eagerly while holding a cup of tea and a saucer)

All that is going on up here now is the draft pick watch. Right now we are tied for the #13/#14 picks with the Knights, which would blow.

But we still play the Elks and Loggers, so I have no concerns that we’ll forget to post a losing season in the end…

The Alley Cats won their division (but their manager assured me that Ottinger had nothing to do with it) and would compete for the AAA title. The Panthers finished three games out, and the Beagles were beaten by 20.

Fun Fact: 19 years ago today, 26-year-old Cincinnati pitcher Mike Fernandez no-hit the Warriors in a 4-0 game.

Bouncing back and forth between the majors, minors, and DL, Fernandez made only six starts for Cincy that year, including the casual no-hitter. He went 3-1 with a 3.62 ERA. Funnily enough, the Warriors traded for him just two months later. The package going to Cincy included catcher Brett O’Dell, who later on would tumble into a pair of rings with the ’26 Coons and the ’29 Condors without doing much for either team and by the time the Condors hoisted the trophy had already played his final ABL game.

Fernandez was a solid pitcher for seven years with the Warriors but faded in his early 30s and fast. He bounced through Charlotte, Oklahoma, and Boston on his way to a final bullpen cameo back with the Cyclones in ’32, then retired. For his career he was 104-92 with a 3.71 ERA. He struck out 1,005 batters in 1,887 innings. He was an All Star in 2026, and a World Series champ with the 2031 Titans just as much as O’Dell was twice in his career.