Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by orin2

I demand some kind of action. Yes, this is my first post... so what? Here I just slogged -read: enjoyed laughing my butt off- through a year and a half of Pale Hose History (PHH) and now they are on hiatus? NO WAY.



How long until we see some movement?!

Sorry, not one of those sadomasochists, taking pleasure in other people's pain, but I always enjoy these posts more than any. I don't know WTF makes this so enjoyable for all of you to read, but I am grateful, certainly it has given me a little perspective and prevented the dynasty from meeting an early crash to the bottom.

Hopefully the Pale Hose will be back within a few weeks. Maybe that is optimistic but we'll see. I am getting restless, too, wanting to move ahead, but I am also glad in a way for this break, because I would be afraid of going too fast (ha!) and losing some storylines along the way in what has so far been a storybook season.

Now is that a comedy of errors, or what? We're a game or three above .500, mostly because a kid (outfielder Brian Anderson for those who've forgotten) has taken two giant leaps forward in the last year and a half, and also because of fluky months from 2B Adam Kennedy (~15 doubles in April) and SS Ramon Vazquez (~.400 average in May) and 3B Eric Munson, who swatted a bunch of long balls in May and has hit about .150 besides. But don't forget about the pitching. Ohh, that pitching.

Upon taking over this lot after a 1,000,000 loss season a year and a half ago, southpaw Mark Buehrle was one of two guys who were definitely going to help out the club for a while, rightfielder Magglio Ordonez, the MVP of three years past, being the other by virtue of his papal contract with the franchise. Then it occured to me that there are these tricky things called contracts, and Buehrle's was set to expire STAT. Somehow in the midst of an abjectly awful 2006 (that's last year in this universe, fubes), Buehrle, the latter-day Steve Carlton, was convinced to stay on the South Side for five years. I guess the $50 million helped. And the schools. Always the schools.

Strangely enough, the pitching staff has improved almost to a man this season, despite undergoing very few changes. It is understandable that Esteban Loaiza would bounce back from an atrocious 2006 season, since "The Art of Suck" really wasn't so bad in two thousands four and five, posting identical ERA's of 3.xx; then again, Esteban is 35 and who am I to say that his above-.500 record this year is anything more than luck? But it's worked. Jon Garland's done some work, too, building on a fantastic last two months of 2006 to lead the staff in wins (I think?), but most importantly we have eliminated sub-replacement level innings from guys like Rick Ankiel and Jorge DePaula, Nate Cornejo and Jon "Hypothetical Power Forward" Rauch (sorry, Vris), instead giving them to...um, Jon Rauch and Jorge DePaula. Both were winless through April, but hard-throwing short reliever Kiko Calero was leading a much-improved bullpen to keep a lot of messes close. It didn't much reflect in the record, but then...

Fortune smiled down for a bit, and that dame's been grinning ever since. Ryan Franklin, a 15-game winner as recently as three years ago, came back on a surgically repaired arm at the age of 34 (I think?) and a month and a half later...he's gotten hurt. Two seperate stints on the disabled list, in fact. But the handful of starts he's made have all been strong (save one), and the same goes for hale & hearty 26 year old Michael "" Nannini, rescued from a mediocre Montreal minor league squad for a short medley in non-prospect Andy Gonzalez, a 25 year old shortstop with limp lumber. If I start talking about the improved bullpen, I won't shut up for hours, so trust me when I say that they all swoll, too. And stuff.

Point to all this is to prove just how awesome I am. Also to show that this team really is not very good (but you knew that already, yes?), and our strong record thus far has been mostly circumstance. And pomp. Lots of pomp.

But, hell, we're here and why go away? So I was thinking about making a serious trade before the hiatus, and when my mind has turned to all things Pale Hose in the past few weeks it has been much of the same. Specifically, the thought is to trade last year's #1 pick in right-hander Chris Scarborough, the man who fanned about two batters an inning at the U of VA and the same young man who's already in triple-A and pitching well in a sort of swingman role after a rough introduction to the level. He would be a wonderful addition to the rotation next season, and who knows, maybe he could be a contributor down the stretch this season. But he also has some superb trade value, and would perhaps allow us to really strengthen this year's team.

Food for thought for the interim.

[cknox0723]

PS - FINALLY reached page 17. You have no idea how glad I am for that.

[Jestor]

I will mutiny if you trade Scarborough Mediocre. The only acceptable return is Tyler Clippard who is my biggest non-Pale Hose obsession in this universe.

[zukes]

I say trade the man named after a suburb of Toronto. Scarborough isn't called Scaryborough for nothing. He will do nothing but hurt your team. Trade him and make a run. As you have pointed out numerous times, "there is no such thing as a pitching prospect".

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Jestor

I will mutiny if you trade Scarborough Mediocre. The only acceptable return is Tyler Clippard who is my biggest non-Pale Hose obsession in this universe.

Bueno, muy bueno! Quality post.

Originally Posted by zukes

I say trade the man named after a suburb of Toronto. Scarborough isn't called Scaryborough for nothing.

And here all this time I thought he was named after a Maine fishing village! Learn something new everyday and all that.

Originally Posted by zukes

He will do nothing but hurt your team. Trade him and make a run. As you have pointed out numerous times, "there is no such thing as a pitching prospect".

Point, zukes. But if there ever were such thing as a pitching prospect, it would be Chris Scarborough, would it not? If all of the greatest pitchers evah ever were strikeout men -- and think about it, they were, weren't they? -- then it would lead you to think that getting the whiff is a good attribute for a pitcher to have. Scarborough is without peer in that regard, throwing one of those "pact-with-Satan" diving, loop-de-loop fastballs and for the most part, throwing it for strikes. He is not Steve Dalkowski, more like a young Kerry Wood. You would hate to give up on that...and yet, as of this point Scarborough's control is probably only minor league caliber, and all evidence says that he will have trouble with the gopher ball, something that will only be magnified in U.S. Cell. And the reason he fell to us in the draft was a checkered injury history, something that bit him twice last season and seems none too shy a problem for the future.

Thought I might also look back on an old post from the preseason, reply #322, before checking out for the day. I must say, I can be awfully prescient sometimes.

Originally Posted by cknox0723

just some random odds and ends that i feel like tying up and typing up before finally (finally! triumphantly!) starting the season.

Funny, how long it took to start the season and now how long it is taking to finish it. It is like digital video recording, almost, and those things are like hotcakes. So the Pale Hose are like hotcakes, then?

Originally Posted by cknox0723

- the pale hose will use their first round pick in june on a high school player. why? don't know; haven't seen the draft class; just a hunch.

Hey, good call there! Hitter Billy Rogers was our number one draft pick this season, and the early returns have looked good as Rogers has resembled other young, polished bats in their minor league debuts, for example Daric Barton or Adam Dunn or Jack Cust. The trick is finding a position and then not letting plate discipline overwhelm your game, like Cust, but instead compliment it.

- the mets will win it all, pleasing the great Y0DA, at the very least. it'll take six games for them to best their crosstown rivals.

So the Yankees ain't bad, but the Mets are looking like a sorry pick. Of course it is still only June. But they have been in the second half of the NL East all season long, besting only the injury-wracked Phillies and sitting a fair distance behind both Atlanta and Florida. Mike Piazza's former club has had even more trouble replacing him than we did after that ill-advised signing, as former Minnesotan Matt LeCroy has been an unmitigated disaster after inking a four-year deal this past offseason, treading below .200 in the batting average department and not hitting for enough power to make up for it. (Of course, almost no one could hit for enough power to make up for that, that is why Rob Deer is such a cult favorite) More disturbingly, the squeamish defense of a man Vris once called "The Pig Wrestler" has made Mets fans call for his head on a platter, to be served with a side of bacon.

Obviously one position, no matter how bad, can't account for all of the struggles of the lesser New York club this year, but it sure hasn't helped and could even be a part of the reason why the pitching has seen some ups and downs this year. Or maybe that'll just tend to happen over a 60 or so game stretch.

The Mets still have the talent to compete, and they're not in a too deep of a hole, but you have to wonder whether their early-season muddling along has simply made one aware of flaws that were there all along, and will continue to be there in October.

Originally Posted by cknox0723

- herbert mitchell, young catcher for los angeles of los angeles, won't be the third 22 year old to take his team to the world series champagne, but he will win NL rookie of the year. expect a .270 average and a dozen or so homers in 400 at-bats. chris scarborough will win the american league's award. let me cling to my dreams, modest as they may be.

Mitchell was the ostensible starter at the beginning of the year but had about as bad an April as anyone has, ever, spending most of the month trying to hit for a negative average or some such. This made more time for Paul Lo Duca, who is not a savvy veteran leader in this universe but rather a solid platoon man, a souped-up Miguel Olivo if you will. As the season has worn on, Mitchell's settled in a bit both with the bat and the mitt, and I think the reduced role through May and early June was the right way to handle things for a kid who is a year out of double-A. However, I would say that speedy flycatcher David Krynzel of the Wisconsiners is the likely rookie of the year, if only because he is a good bet to hit .280 or .300 and steal a whole lot of bases. He's an adventure on the basepaths, for sure, as his caught stealing numbers are way up there, but his defensive contributions make up for a lot of things and he is not a terrible property to have for a few years.

You know all about the American League ROY race, of course, because my boy Brian Anderson is still flirting with a 1.000 OPS and, really, what else do you need to know beyond that? That is one of those discussion-enders, but we will pick up the discussion again in August, because while Anderson may definitely be a .300 hitter in AAA (and probably better than that), even his biggest non-bandwagon fan (i.e. not me) wouldn't have dreamed that the 25 year old would make even Shane Spencer cry in his first extended taste of the big leagues.

Originally Posted by cknox0723

- speaking of modesty, this year's pale hose preview is much more reflective of its author than last year's irrationally exuberant version. i think -- i hope -- more realistic expectations (i.e. not really being interested in wins and losses) will make for better reading this year. we'll see.

And look at that...we're winning. Go freakin' figure.

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah...

[zukes]

I still say trade him. How often do you have a chance at a really special season? (Without restrictions in this game it is all the time, but you restrict yourself almost to a hinderance). It would be one of the more surprising stories in basbeall history if this group of rag-tags makes the playoffs. It seems to me that many are playing above their heads so while Scarborough may be a star in the making he may end up playing Roy Halladay, that is a dominant pitcher on a (last few years I mean, big things this year) medicore team.

[The Funk]

Trade him for Bartolo Colon, because if ever a player was destined to have a great nickname...

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

Trade him for Bartolo Colon, because if ever a player was destined to have a great nickname...

here is a bump for me.

As soon as I beat this nasty flu bug, your 40-35 Pale Hose will be back and we'll all find out whether all of this build-up was worth it (pun intended...mucous build-up and all that), or if this supposed ballclub is just another brick in the wall.

?

[The Funk]

Another brick in the wall of Hell, Mwah hah ha haaaaah. Get well soon. (+1)

[DAL 9000]

Listen, the Cirque du Soleil makes me tingle in strange places. But I like the Pale Hose even more than Cirque. Bring back the Pale Hose or bring me a McRib!

(This has been today's experiment in half-surreal, half-disturbing paragraphs. Enjoy! And get well soon, like Funk said.)

[zukes]

You gotta be better by now.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by zukes

You gotta be better by now.

you betcha I am!

and so is the computer, so here comes some Pale Hose.

[cknox0723]

Dear YOU,

It is of the oddest of coincidences that just the other day, I received a letter in the mail from an old friend. It was strange not only because I hadn't spoken with this person for many months, but because that so closely coincided with the time where I was just becoming re-acquainted with the Pale Hose, yet another old friend of mine. It is stranger still that old foe Texas is the first club to come to Chicago after the long hiatus, the hated Rangers being the club that hammered us down twenty-four runs to one in an infamous loss last year as well in addition to beating us eight of the other nine times we faced them, often by just a single run.

It should logically follow, then, that this ballclub's reactions to this first game this season against the Rangers should be similar to this poster's reactions to that letter in the mail, and indeed that is exactly what happens. For me, there was an initial bit of reset as I read the first few words of the letter and realized, "Hey, I remember this person..." For the Pale Hose, it's watching Mike Nannini getting a rude greeting from our hated opponents when 27 year old leadoff man Ramon Nivar slashes a line drive down the right field line and into the corner for an easy two-bagger. My eyes drift down the page, still trying to become familiar with the words and the sentences and the structure, but my mind is three steps ahead, processing and understanding. This letter is meant for me, these words have been strung together expressly with me in mind, and that pop-up to right field, the third out in quick succession to leave Ramon Nivar at second base? Maybe it's Mike Nannini's own little mark, his way of striking back against history and against Texas. Or maybe he's just doing his job.

One, two, and three, our side goes down in quick order in the bottom of the first, just like old times, same as reading "Craig, you make me laugh so much," once again. Note: I may or may not have ever actually been told that. You decide as you like. With each turn of phrase, I find myself trying to make sense of seemingly conflicting meanings. And I don't know if playing out the games is like this for you, but for me every batter is a small mountain to ascend, ascend, ascend...and then slowly climb down. Breathe in, breathe in, and...ahhhh, SS Mike Young bounced to his boy, my boy, Vazquez. OK, OK, let's go, and...awww, m.f., Mark Teixeira just jacked one to right. Goodbye, tie game. But righties give him more trouble than lefties! How the hell did that happen? Now we'll need one just to tie up. Ah, it's OK, it's only a run. Could be worse.

Maybe I'm nuts, but every batter's like that for me. Punch, counterpunch. Up, down, good, bad, smile, frown. Frank Catalanotto singles to start the bottom of the second, and we're back in business. Streaky third baseman Eric Munson makes serious contact with a fat Jeff D'Amico fastball, and it's going, going, going...

You see those three dots in the play-by-play of OOTP6, you know what's going to happen, but in this case, it's all good. It's just a letter, it's just three dots, it's just a two-one lead in the second, but what the hell, appreciate the little things.

And realize that, nice as the little things can be, they are what they are, nothing more. Mike Nannini may get through the third with the lead, but Maggs Ordonez sure ain't going to add to that lead in the bottom half no matter how many runners are in front of him, and it's not staying 2-1 all game. The sweet-swinging Michael Young drives that lesson home when he drives one to the far reaches of U.S. Cell's left-center field bleachers to start the fourth, and suddenly we're tied. Then a walk to powerful first baseman Teixeira, and...that's how it all gets started. A little base on balls, a day or a week without talking to someone, and then you are writing these impersonal "catching up" letters five months later, then you are chasing a ball around the infield, futilely trying to nail out Ricky Ledee on the bases while the lead run is crossing the plate. The lead is gone, all sense of command of the situation is gone, but we're going to give it a try anyway. Here, I will write you a letter telling you everything about my life that you missed, everything I have learned in the past months. It goes a little like this:

Hi! Thanks for the letter. Missed talking to you. I have been in some different places and done some things, talked to some people. Forgot how to do something easy a few times. Had some lousy **** happen, too. Sorry you weren't there to be miserable with me. Doing OK right about now. Later I am going to go to sleep. OK, bye!

Or at least in my mind, that is how it should go.

26 year old Mike Nannini has been everywhere, man, from the depths of minor league systems in Houston and Montreal to an awesome debut against Oakland about a month ago and some ups and downs in between. He's been everywhere, but around the fifth inning today he kind of forgot some things, like locating the fastball, and after Andrew Wishy makes him pay with a one-out double off the right-center field wall, number three hitter Hank Blalock draws a free pass. Two batters later, the lousy **** happens when Mike Young wallops a fat one way, way up and out over the left-center field wall, even further than his first dong. Ding, dong, dung. Damn. Sometimes it makes you miserable, and sometimes you wish that it would end or someone would show up, but no one does and every attempt on our behalf to come up with the perfect response comes up short. We get some runners on, but somehow they get taken off, pegged out trying to get the extra base or doubled off after athletic plays by lithe defenders in their prime or something. Eventually we just give up, take our lumps and the L and just head back home to go to sleep and hope that Mark Buehrle (6-4, 3.10) will have a better go of it tomorrow.

TEX 9 CHW 2

WP: J. D'Amico (6-4) - CG, 6 H, 2 R, 0 BB, 11 K
LP: M. Nannini (3-2) - 5 IP, 8 H, 6 R, 3 BB, 2 K (this is the fifth starter quality of start we expected from Rauch or DePaula but had not seen from man, I hope it is not a preview of things to come)

You remember what this is like, right?

Sincerely,

the Pale Hose

[ifspuds]

= Return of the Pale Hose
= Bad start by my favorite Hoser,

Maybe it's because the banana isn't dancing! You should check into that.

[cknox0723]

10:46 PM EST: The bananananana is dancing. Curse you, banana. Curse you.

But thank you for the reply, spuds, and anyone else is kind enough to drop a few words in here. It is truly a pleasure to get such a warm reception and I will do my best to provide a (timely) response in kind. Until next time, to all a good night.

[The Funk]

.

[Y0DA55]

And the iceberg represents what, exactly?

My interpretation: Even though the Pale Hose are cold (a small losing streak), the ice is building up and will form a mountainess presence. This is a team to watch out for.


Worth noting: I went back to see when the last game was done.... the first half of December? Craig, what have you been up to caused this delay? I'm glad to see that your back.

[canadiancreed]

Originally Posted by ifspuds

= Return of the Pale Hose.

I knew there was a reason for my sudden inspiration-likeness! Welcome back craigareno!

[Jestor]

Inspiration doubled, for I've more Morning revelations this afternoon.

The posting must wait until the evening, however.

[cknox0723]

I like books, but sometimes I wish a few thousand supposedly brilliant authors had listened to Voltaire, who once said, "It is far better to be silent than merely to increase the quantity of bad books." You can write something that can strike a chord with someone on multiple levels, or you can write something that is so lousy that the reader can only wish that you couldn't possibly have intended to construe solely what is written. I know, I know, this 700+ reply thread is definitely the latter. Shaddup. And I guess that principle, if you want to call it that, can apply to more than just writing.

Take the other day. My place of employment is a big store with plenty of employees, and last Saturday was the grand opening, so they told us to all get out of bed at 6 AM and come on down before the store opened for some sort of ceremony. I wish there was someone there with a wizard's hat, but it would be a lie if I said there was. Instead, we heard some speeches, some elementary school kids sang "This Land is Your Land" and "America the Beautiful" and so forth, since the store donated a few hundred bucks or some ****, and the world really is beautiful at 6 AM if you're at work. That wasn't all, though. They also gave us a T-shirt (kickass!) and...the kicker. A potted plant, an azalea or one of those perennials you can buy 6 for $10 at the local nursery. "Grow with us," said the general manager when he announced the brilliant idea with a smile on his face that just dripped seriousness. Y'get it? A plant, a store opening, growth?

It's not ****ing Shakespearean, for sure. "Get the **** out of here," my always eloquent old man said when I came home that day. "They're not serious?" replied my boy Fahad later in the day when we both clocked into work around the same time. He hadn't been at the morning's ceremonies. He had no idea. They were, in fact, completely serious about the danged plant.

Likely they are serious about the plant for the same reasons that they pay miniscule wages and ignore our supposed availability when scheduling, but maybe there's something to it. See, on the way home from the infamous plant-giving ceremony, I stopped at a little deli to pick up some breakfast sandwiches, still wearing my vest and nametag from work as I wandered in. I place my order, grab a gallon of milk from the refrigerator, walk over to the counter, and then I hear it pouring down from the heavens into my ears.

"Come on down to Route 9 in Old Bridge to experience the GRAND OPENING..."

I am sure you can play the rest of that commercial in your mind, so I'll leave it at that. It was just the stupid radio commercial for the store, but still a strange coincidence. Stranger still that the deli man who took my order saw my nametag and struck up a conversation about how he was a member of the store, and was glad it was opening, blah blah blah, the closest one had been 25 miles away, just give me my damned bacon and egg and leave me alone. The idealist might say that all of this junk really is symbolic, and something about growth, and maybe that is in fact the case, I don't know. I still think it's all a bunch of nonsense, and I would have been way better off sleeping in that morning.

That story has nothing to do with the Pale Hose, of course, but keep in that back of your mind while I tell you about our final two games of a three-game set against Texas. You recall that they knocked us all over the park in the first game, yes? 9-2, to be exact, and scroll up if you don't know what I'm talking about, because it's all of five or six posts away.

...

...

OK, all caught up now? So when I say that Texas is the same team that beat us nine times out of ten last year, it is old news to you because you just read it? Glad to hear it! The club that just beat us 9-2 is largely the same one that beat us up at various points last year, and that club won 86 games last season. The only difference on the surface is that athletic, toolsy centerfielder Corey Patterson is now in Cleveland, replaced by a younger, slower tools maven in 24 year old Andrew Wishy-"Washy". Also ancient right-hander John Smoltz is now the closer after a century down in GA.

So it is some kind of accomplishment that this series in late June concluded with not one but two victories for the Pale Hose, huh? Granting that games started by Mark Buehrle really should lead to wins for his side, and granting that Esteban Loaiza has been some kind of different pitcher after an atrocious 2006...

Eric Munson cracked a two-run home run to give us a 4-1 lead in the sixth inning of our first win (the second game of the series), and that is nice and all, but seeing as he is hitting .208/.263/.340 at home, I'm not sure it really means anything. Also you should really be aware that Frank Catalanotto has quietly burned brightly the last few weeks, winning Player of the Week for the last set of seven games with an 11 hit week at a 55% clip, and seven runs batted in for good measure, so his three-run home run to give us a 5-0 lead in the second of the victories should have an asterisk or something, as if he was on the 'roids. We never relinquished that 5-0 lead, by the by. Tried our damnedest, though!

But more important than all of that is the fact that Texas is now third in the AL West at 37-40, something that quite simply attests that they are just not the same ballclub as last year, roster composition be damned. Their entire rotation from last year returned this year and has been healthy, yet it has seen two men's earned run averages jump more than two runs each. 27 year old Dewon Brazelton notched 15 of his 27 career wins last season, so his struggles should not come as a big surprise, but Chan Ho Park's 3-7, 5.56 mark is largely out of line with his past performance. That might inspire one to make a cruel joke about how the right-hander's real-life counterpart would need some kind of park to put up even a 5.56 ERA, but that would be missing the point.

The first person to say, "See, Craig, this team is destined for good things this year. The Rangers kicked your ass all last year, and here you beat them two of three..." would probably be missing the point, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that, seriously. It is not nearly such a big deal as some folks make it out to be. Sometimes I just want to miss the point. Here we beat a team that is twenty-fifth in run prevention, and in large part beat them only because we had our two best moundsmen on the hill. Sure, they can score runs, but since Gerald Laird went on the 60-day DL at the beginning of June, this is a team that has handed the tools of ignorance to an A-ball backstop named Edmond Kirsch, a waiver claim in Raul Chavez, and a minor leaguer who has walked once and fanned 32 times in 104 AB (Adam Donachie). Laird, who was hitting just .215 before the torn hamstring that will likely sideline him for the remainder of the season, is no great shakes, but he is at least a .250 career hitter and has a stellar defensive reputation, having received the Gold Glove in 2004. The trio that's replaced him has struggled to hit even .200 and who the hell knows about the defense, with all the different guys back there.

Still, part of me wants to go ahead and say, "This proves it, it's time to make that big trade now." But how long have you and I been thinking that? This ain't nothing, just two more wins in a season that has been, to everyone's surprise, full of quite a few wins. My plant is going to die within a few weeks because I know I won't water it, and in another world, it is June 28th, 2007, and maybe it is time to make a trade or maybe it isn't, but we've got a travel day to head up to Canada and play the Canucks or the Mounties or somebody like that. And, hey, come to think of it - my employer accepts Canadian currency.

What the hell does that mean?



TEX 1 CHW 6

WP: M. Buehrle (7-4) - 6 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 BB, 7 K
LP: M. Morris (5-7) - 7.2 IP, 8 H, 6 R, 2 BB, 5 K (we scored three in the sixth and two in the eighth, and why the quirky AI left this Texas starter out there, I will never know)
S: A. Otsuka (5) - 2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K



TEX 4 CHW 5

WP: E. Loaiza (8-4) - 7 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 1 BB, 4 K
LP: C. Park (3-7) - 5 IP, 5 H, 5 R, 4 BB, 3 K
S: J. Roa (3) - one split-fingered fastball to cleanup man Hank Blalock, one ground ball to first base, one save to leave the tying run at third and the winning run at first

So... it is time to make that big trade, yes?

[zukes]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

And, hey, come to think of it - my employer accepts Canadian currency.

What the hell does that mean?

It means that if your place of employment sells beer and I'm in the neighbourhood there's a good chance we'll meet.

Thanks for the update.

[The Funk]

Nice. Just wondering, any chance of maybe seeing some stats? I know you're not a big stats-based-dynasty-guy (neither am I), but after 662 posts it would be cool to get a quick look at how your guys are doing individually. Of course if you don't feel like it then you should do it anyway because I said so and I'm really, really, really important. Jesus said so, and that brother knew a thing or two.

[Vris]

I used my whole lunch break to catch up on this thread and write this response.

Only half kidding.

Questions, comments, points, bullets....

*Welcome back Craig. I wish I could've bumped this up a few more times with some witty remark.

%Thoughts on the Rangers: You say the team is pretty much the same, so they should still be "on pace", if you will, for 86 wins. Yet, they are not. Is that because they are getting older (Washy destroys that thought) or everyone else (especially in their division, but everyone else altogether...in the AL anyway) got better? Can we say that, given the "huge" season the Pale Hose have put together despite being a last place club just a season ago? Wouldn't that support the theory everyone got worse (no offense, not trying to downplay your season..just using applied logic), including Texas? But they didn't change.

#A couple stats would be nice, as our British friend has alluded too. Nothing major, just a couple of numbers to appease those of us who enjoy those types of things.

$PM forthcoming, by the end of the week. I need to get back in touch with my roots.

!As for that big trade, considering it is June 28th, it's up to you and the direction you want to go. Obviously you are surprised by the quick upward movement of your team to the top of the standings, and obviously staying there would be very nice. You do have some pieces in the lower levels that you are less than anamored (I have no idea how to spell that word) with, so parting with them to bring in another pitcher wouldn't be too bad (I say pitcher because your infield is pretty golden and your outfield is pretty silver...see that, an Olympic analogy just weeks away from the Games!). I say, if you can find that deal that you like, in which you can keep the Fishing Village, by all means go for it. Unless you are looking more towards next year (will The Art of Suck revert back to his old form...is your MI this good...how long can Buehrle carry this team on his back, from a rotation standpoint), which would make sense since you didn't plan on competing this year.

I've written too much. Glad to hear from you Craig.

[Jestor]

*summons his Pitchforks and Torches Armee`*

The Yankee Clipper or no one at all for Scarborough Mediocre!

(p.s.: feel free to trade anyone else for anyone else though )

[orin2]

I think making the trade is always a good idea. Of course, that might be why my team is always sub .500

[The Funk]

Yeah when it come to trades I find it helpful to think of things like this; If the Yankees hadn't made the trade for Ruth, would their legacy have been so historic? And if Boston hadn't traded Ruth, would they not have sucked quite so badly for the next 90 odd years? I hope that puts it all in perspective.

[canadiancreed]

damn your'e.......winning! WTF?!

[Jestor]

Originally Posted by The Funk

Yeah when it come to trades I find it helpful to think of things like this; If the Yankees hadn't made the trade for Ruth, would their legacy have been so historic? And if Boston hadn't traded Ruth, would they not have sucked quite so badly for the next 90 odd years? I hope that puts it all in perspective.

It's only appropriate that the Yankees should be mentioned in post #666

[The Funk]

Originally Posted by Jestor

It's only appropriate that the Yankees should be mentioned in post #666

didn't spot that, nice.

[cknox0723]

hey, there are a lot more posts here than the last time I was here. could get used to that! thanks to one and all, both for the long and short replies, the symbolic and straightforward. however, I am going to ignore them all. sorry. don't take it personally.

but you'd much rather read about the Pale Hose, than how much I love you. wouldn't you?

but if you want trades...maybe next week. suffice it to say I had a momentary change of heart.

besides, just because there may not be a trade until next week doesn't mean we will necessarily proceed with some losses. right?

right?

anyway, here are some stats or something.

[cknox0723]

Yorvit Torrealba and Miguel Olivo have caught all seven hundred four and two-thirds innings in the seventy-eight games we've played so far, and in half a year they have already contributed as much as Miggy and Mike Piazza and the dearly departed Jason LaRue did last season.

Olivo's relative success this year is rather inexplicable, though his .269 batting average is right around last year's .265 mark. $5 if you took the over on .250 as Miggy's average last season. It is the five home runs in just 108 at-bats that's been so surprising, and they may tie in either to the fact that he has only batted thirty or so times a month, mostly against left-handers, or perhaps more directly that he's already walked eight times, compared to his hilariously low total of 6 (in 253 AB) last season. His gun has also been golden, as he's thrown out an impressive 12 of 19 potential base stealers, best among all backstops in the bigs who've caught at least 50 innings.

Miggy Olivo has had a lot of virtues, but the resurrection of singular-named catcher Yorvit! has been a hell of a lot more fun. The great baseball minds say that most players have their best season at the age of 27, but Torrealba played himself right out of San Francisco last season with some cringe-inducing numbers as the backup to the perpetual .290 hitter AJ Pierzynski. Three for thirty-two in April (an .094 AVG, for those scoring at home), two for twenty-five (.080) in May, three for thirty-one in June (.097). An oh-for-seven, four strikeout line in July (all before the All-Star break), and that was all for Yorvit, banished to triple-A Fresno, never to return even as he put up a .327 avg/.381 OBP/.488 SLG in 168 at-bats. Hell, with an eight for ninety-five composite line with zero extra base hits, you probably would've kept him there, too.

But we were desperate for a backstop this offseason, any old ambulatory guy. The free agent market was dry, the trade market even drier because who the hell were we going to trade? So after journeying across the Nile and back looking for a backstop, I see this guy who's fallen behind someone named Todd Jennings on the organizational chart, and he's Miguel Olivo-lite, which is basically like eating carob. So we send them a couple of guys that suck (but they're young, so give 'em the prospect stamp and everyone wins) and we have a new catcher, a man who's a career .255 hitter with a little bit of pop (21 doubles in 204 at-bats in 2005) and a penchant for drawing 14 walks a year (that's his total in the BB column in 2002, 2003, and 2004, all in part-time play). Only blemish are those two little numbers right next to each other, eight and ninety-five, in that order. Seeing them next to each other is either big-time trouble or some sort of 256 spill-over error that would probably cause these fine boards to crash. In Yorvit's case, it was the former.

But away from the left coast and the earthquakes and all of that, Yorvit did his usual thing in April and again in May. A little bit of batting average, a couple of home runs, a free pass here and there to put Miggy Olivo to shame. Then this June...it's been like a twisted movie opening, to the delight of the 15,000 Pale Hose faithful that jam into the Cell every home game. Twenty-four hits in 60 at-bats, including six doubles and two long balls. That's a .400 average even, and a .600 slugging percentage. Eight walks (more than Miguel Olivo drew in how many AB's last year?), and his season line reads .297/.344/.446, an OPS that's some sixty points above the league average for all batsmen, and seventh in the league among catchers, behind only such hallowed names like JD Closser (COL, and the best hitting backstop of all) and Kevin Cash (CIN), Jason "Goggles" Phillips and a rejuvenated 87 year old Pudge Rodriguez, who at a .322 average is about 100 points higher than last year's mark. Despite all that, the Cats still ain't got no claws!

Future Hall of Famers discovering the fountain of youth again is kind of neat, but give me a man who pulls himself up over the edge of the cliff with only his teeth any day of the week. Yorvit's got his share of warts, throwing out a below-average one-fourth of opposing base stealers, you just know he ain't goin' end up the season hitting .290, and I heard Mike Nannini took exception to Yorvit's judicious use of "caliente" that one day. But we've gotten more production out of him than all of the schmucks we had back there last year at the low, low cost of three hundred fitty grand, and what a name. Yorvit!

[ifspuds]

It's been far too long since we've had a good Yorviting!

Yorvit!

[orin2]

"Yorvit steps up to the plate again, taps his cleats with the bat and digs in. Here's the 3-2, payoff pitch. Fastball low and away! Yorvit manages to catch a piece of it. A long fly ball to left center field! Going....going... GONE. Yorvit puts this one into orbit and the Pale Hose win a close game against the hated Indians, 3-2!"


I just wanted to use the phrase Yorvit puts this one into orbit.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by orin2

"Yorvit steps up to the plate again, taps his cleats with the bat and digs in. Here's the 3-2, payoff pitch. Fastball low and away! Yorvit manages to catch a piece of it. A long fly ball to left center field! Going....going... GONE. Yorvit puts this one into orbit and the Pale Hose win a close game against the hated Indians, 3-2!"


I just wanted to use the phrase Yorvit puts this one into orbit.

bueno! muy bueno, even. I applaud you, sir. I am going to have to steal that one, giving you proper credit of course.

There was a request for some stats and so you got some stats, but I got tired of that **** so here is another, different post. Some stats are within it if you really need a fix, but I really just had to go with the flow. I hope you will understand. I think you will.

[cknox0723]

For a moment, or a day, at least, all eyes that would be on the Pale Hose (or at least mine) are on first-place Minnesota and third-place Cleveland, because they're duking it out in the frigid north while we're travelling to even more frigid Toronto. It's a win-win situation for us even though we're not playing, because a Cleveland loss puts us a full game ahead of them, and a Minnesota loss puts us into a tie into first place in the division. Right-hander Ben Sheets is on the mound for the first-place club, shooting for double-digit victories, already having won more games than he had in all 35 of his 2006 starts, and Jake "The Fiddler" Dittler, the 24 year old with the sweeping curve and dancing changeup, is on the mound for Cleveland. Sheets gets into trouble right from the start when leadoff man Alex Escobar reaches on a throwing error by second baseman "Jayback" Bartlett, and consecutive singles by #3 hitter "Odysseus" Gerut and cleanup man Ben Broussard put the first run of the game on the board. Shortstop Angel Berroa plates both of those guys with a hard-hit liner down the left field line, and Cleveland still has that 3-0 edge after one full inning is in the books.

But innocuous singles by former Pale Hoseman Brad Fullmer and backup catcher Rob Bowen lead to big trouble in the home half of the second, as right fielder Eric Byrnes, an offseason pickup from Oakland, comes through as he has so many times in this still-young season, booming a bleacher blast to right to knot the game up at three. Dittler comes completely unglued in the next frame, giving up a pair of looping, run-scoring singles to weak hitters in second baseman Bartlett and catcher Bowen to give Minnesota a 5-3 lead. The hated Tribe get one back in the next half-inning, though, keyed by Angel Berroa's leadoff triple into the right field corner, and sticking with their moundsman Dittler pays off as he coasts through the next three frames, facing just one batter over the minimum. Ben "Pillows and Sheets" takes a nap after six as well, giving way to hard-throwing right-hander Scott Linebrink. He retires the first batter he faces, another former Pale Hoser in hot cornerman Joe Crede, but pinch-hitter Shaun Larkin scalds a single to right and the pinch-runner for him, starting center fielder Corey Patterson, steals second base. It would have all been for nothing if Alex Escobar's rabbit ball to short had been the third out, but it was only the second, and a successive single over second base off the bat of catcher Josh Bard ties the game up at five. Then outstanding right fielder Jody Gerut comes through as he did so many times last season, whacking a heavy fastball down into the right field corner to bring his backstop all the way around and give Cleveland a 6-5 lead. Late-inning leads haven't meant much for an Indians team that's blown so many in the last year and a half, and when soft-tossing righty Brian Meadows whips up a seventh-inning sandwich of singles and strikeouts, but with the wrong meat, Tribe fans can only curse the fact that they didn't sign a flame-throwing man like Seattle closer Octavio Dotel when they had the chance prior to last season. But former Pale Hose first baseman Brad Fullmer makes me grin by striking out just as he did some 55 times last year, and light-hitting middle infielder Jay Bartlett can't get the clutch Luis Sojo tag, bouncing a harmless grounder over to third base to be gobbled up by Joe F. Crede. Rafael Betancourt, one of the few half-decent relievers on the Tribe club, finishes off the eighth with no harm done, and a Joe Crede double to lead off the top of the ninth leads to an insurance run that Proven Closer (TM) Dave Riske doesn't even really need, as he faces three batters in the bottom of the ninth, striking out Lew Ford for out number one and then retiring Corey Koskie on a bouncer to first that goes 3 to 6 and back to 3 to eliminate both speedy shortstop Alex Cintron, who had led off the inning by slashing a single to right, and Koskie himself. The rally-killer lives up to its name in so many ways, snuffing out the Twins' status as a first-place club and moving the red-hot Tribe, winners of five in a row, just a half-game out of first, creating a logjam that had previously only been seen in the National League's Eastern and Western divisions. In the former, Florida and Atlanta have reigned supreme much of the season, but the Mets are finally starting to justify much of the hype thrown at their high-priced club, and the three clubs are within half a game of each other. And in the latter, Colorado's oft-mentioned early season pitching success has slowed a bit, as they have seen much of the good work by journeymen starting pitchers Aaron Cook (6-4, 2.64; 6-10, 4.67 last year) and Brian Anderson (8-3, 2.79 after an 11-6, 4.00 season) negated by a bullpen that has had trouble getting to Proven Closer (TM) Billy Wagner and has seen the 35 year old show his age anyway (38 saves, 1.32 ERA in 2006; 16 saves but a 5.40 ERA this year, and 10 HR allowed in 42 IP). This has opened the door for all of the mediocre California clubs in the division, which have also benefited from strong pitching. To wit, one of them, Los Angeles, just defeated the NL Central-leading Cubs, one to nil, in one of those games where the line score says it all:

TEAM	1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9	R   H   E
CHC	0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0	0   4   0
LA	1  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0	1   0   0

No joke. Ace North Sider Kerry Wood, an 18-game winner last season, made just his eighth start of the season in this one after a torn tricep in early April shut him down for much of May and early June. And the rust was still showing, as he plunked leadoff man Mike Cameron on the game's third pitch. Cameron stole second and a slightly frazzled Wood walked hacktastic shortstop Cristian Guzman. First baseman Shawn Green, not quite the powerful hitter he was in the late 90's, but still carrying that sterling reputation, was pitched to carefully and drew a free pass to load the bases. Cleanup man and left fielder Cliff Floyd walked to force in a run and the little white pill was poised to bleed blue runs. But right fielder Gabe "Shanya Punim/The Good Face" Kapler flew into a 7-5 double play (so says the game log) and third baseman Antonio Perez was no match for the high-nineties flames. Inning over... one run, no hits, no errors. Score: Los Angeles 1, Chicago (N) 0. It could have been 1-0 on the flip side, because third baseman Rob Mackowiak had led off the ballgame with a double into the right field corner, and North Side second sacker Brendan Harris had drawn a walk. But then the Cubs hit the same speed bumps they have hit most of this season -- center fielder Andruw Jones, whose reputation perhaps supercedes his status as #3 hitter, struck out swinging, left fielder Jason Bay (.241) bounced to short, and catcher Dave Ross (.250) did the same. Jones' .238 batting average is not so far off from his .241 mark in 2006, and the same for Ross, who is still a productive backstop considering his 20 HR power (and he has even seen a hike in his walk rate this year, having drawn 35 already after 43 BB last season). But Jay Bay hit a monster .360 last season in leading the North Siders to a league-best 97 wins and eventual league championship. You expect a little decline; that is why the Cubs shelled out the big bucks for former Minnesota southpaw Barry Zito this offseason. Their rotation is unbeatable when fully healthy, and as their near league-leading runs allowed total suggests, even when they are dealing with a few injuries like the one Wood suffered, they are still pretty damned good. But 34 year old league-average shortstop is the team's leading hitter at .274, and even though the club has as much power as a utility company, they have still struggled to score runs. Such was the case in this ballgame, as their best chance against Dodger right-hander Jeff Weaver was in the first frame, and they came up empty. They moved a runner past first base just twice the rest of the way; in the fifth, 16 HR man Rob Mackowiak struck out to leave Alex Gonzalez at second after he had walked and moved up on his pitcher's sacrifice, and in the ninth, Chad Bradford relieved Weaver after he ran out of gas and allowed two-out singles to catcher Ross and first baseman Richie Sexson, and he struck out pinch-hitter Todd Walker on four pitches to end it. The Dodgers put exactly two men on base after the first, both on lonely walks. It didn't matter.

Sure, the Cubs are a million games up in the moribund NL Central and they started backups at first, second, and right field in this game, but what a blow to the ego to watch your pitcher throw a no-hitter...in a loss. But how wonderful and wacky it is to a start a day looking straight ahead and straight ahead only and end up doing an about-face because there's something more interesting on the other side of the river. It just proves that if your eyes are solely focused on one thing, you're going to end up missing out on something else.

[ifspuds]

A no-hitter loss. I love it! And to my boys in Blue. I always expect the Dodgers to be on the losing end of those things, whether in the Palehoseverse or the real world.

[Vris]

That post has a lot of words. Colorful even.

This is why I love to see this thread bumped.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

That post has a lot of words. Colorful even.

This is why I love to see this thread bumped.

Sentences, too.

In all seriousness, it still astounds me that people enjoy reading this but I am glad for it. I am just the messenger, but the Baseball Gods tell me there has been another Pale Hose game played, so I guess it is time for another bump.

And this one even has paragraphs! (Probably not enough, though, I never was very good at grammatical stuff)

[cknox0723]

Matt DeSalvo, a skinny 26 year old right-hander with a decent changeup and a fastball that leaves you wanting, will make his second major league start for everyone's favorite Empire at some point over the next three days, while we are playing around in the Great White North. The Yanks are home against Texas, those rats. DeSalvo is just filling in while Kelvim Escobar spends some quality time on the DL, nursing the same right shoulder that cut his 2006 season short after just 13 starts and prevented the 2004 and 2005 All-Star from raking in the really big bucks. (Four years, nearly $20 million ain't bad, but this guy went 16-9 and 17-9 in the last two seasons he was healthy, over in Anaheim) DeSalvo's first start was a real gem, seven-and-a-third innings, three hits and no runs, seven strikeouts. (Four walks, but who's counting?) Granted, it was against an o-ffensive o-ffense in Baltimore, but his debut along with the handful of others that've caught my eye over the course of this season makes me wonder if I accidentally jacked up the Moonlight Graham setting or somethin'.

I might also add that the Empire, in their never-ending wanderlust, has submitted a waiver claim to the league for 28 year old southpaw Ryan Snare, a pitcher with a 13-19, 4.61 career line who is currently toiling in AAA. Snare's success, both at the major and minor league levels, has been very modest, mostly because his fastball ain't that fast, his curve ain't that sharp, and his control is good except when it's not. But he is typical waiver fodder, the kind of guys that are claimed in the real MLB universe, so I am glad to see the OOTP waiver system work right in that regard. It validates the painstaking efforts I take to prevent waiver wire mayhem, manually moving players off waivers that should never have been there in the first place. But I like the general idea of waivers, the notion that a pitcher like LHP R. Snare might get an opportunity somewhere that he'd otherwise never have, and pitch lights-out for a time like he did in May of '05, going 4-0 that month with Oakland and winning Pitcher of the Month. So on waivers will stay, and maybe at some point I will have the settings in this universe just right so that interchangeable, replaceable guys like Snare are the only ones on the waiver wire 99% of the time.

Snare is currently with the Toronto organization (at least for the next five minutes), so there is your transition back to the Pale Hose if you like things neat & clean. I am not so sure our first game of this three-gamer will be so neat and clean, though, even with Jon Garland (8-5, 3.79) on the mound. Even though our guy hasn't lost since being on the short end of a 1-0 game against Boston on May 19th, and even though we're not facing Toronto's own Mark Buehrle in right-hander Roy Halladay, I have my doubts. Maybe it's their moundsman's 3.06 ERA, or maybe it's just that I look at right-hander Jason Davis and his 7-16 record last season, his improvement this season, and see Jon Garland. Once upon a time you might have laughed at that, but Garland's had the last laugh for much of this year, so who's laughing now? Perhaps, though, I really have all these doubts because of all the positive indicators that say that our opponent is a hell of a lot better than 34-41: 9th in home runs, 12th in walks, 9th in runs scored despite the fourth-lowest team batting average in the league at .247. Major league leaders in walk prevention, so despite being 23rd in opponents' average and 18th in HR allowed, they're 15th, decidedly in the middle of the pack, in runs allowed. They have the (aging) monster Magglio Ordonez wishes he was -- 1B Carlos Delgado, second in the AL in big flies with 21, and they have the younger semistar in his prime years that we...um...don't? in centerfielder Vernon Wells (.305/.343/.487 and well on his way to a third consecutive All-Star game).

But we sure as hell have got something, whatever it may be, something that's put us on top of the Central standings with a 42-36 won-loss record. However, it ain't on display in the first inning, 'cause Ramon Vazquez, Adam Kennedy, and Magglio Ordonez go down in order 1-2-3 on a grounder to short, a liner to third, and a bouncer to second, and then my boy Garland walks Toronto leadoff man Orlando Hudson on four straight pitches. There is why I had some doubts about this one.

But then some of that moxie -- no, some of that defense -- comes to the rescue. Hudson takes off for second right away, but Yorvit Torrealba nails him with a laser right on down there. That pressure eviscerated, Laynce Nix is a quick out on a bouncer to first...but then up steps Delgado, the hulking figure waving a huge piece of lumber. He smashes the first pitch he likes, hard on the ground to the right side...but, oh, that defense. Adam "Gumby" Kennedy makes a spectacular diving stop, pegs it over to Frank Catalanotto at first and the crisis, as it were, is averted.

And the Pale Hose, this collection of misfits and castoffs, take things over. Second inning singles by first baseman Catalanotto and rookie left fielder Clinton King don't lead to any runs, but it's a sign of the third-inning barrage that is to come. With the score still zero-zero and one out after Jay Davis fanned his counterpart Garland, leadoff man Ramon Vazquez digs in. And as he has so many, many times this year, "Pokey" takes a little poke at a pitch that just missed and sends it flying into the outfield, giving him time to tear around first base and cruise into second for another extra-base hit. Two batters later, Magglio Ordonez comes through in the most half-assed way possible, with a checked-swing single to left field, but it gets us that run and leads to more, thanks to the virtues of Frank Catalanotto and Eric Munson (whose name is fun to scream aloud - MUNSON!).

The only trouble is that Garland gives it all back. It starts with an innocuous single by eighth-place hitter Dave Berg, and then a walk to the pitcher. Leadoff man Orlando "Darkwing" Hudson singles to right, Garland starts walking people, and I have eerie flashbacks to outings from so many Junes prior. .200 hitting fifth hitter Alex Rios continues a terrible trend by making yet another out to stop the bleeding at two, but the only names I'm screaming alound now are not actual names, but expletives. When the top of the Toronto order gets back up in the fifth inning, they...make two quick outs. Hudson grounds to first, LF Laynce Nix hits a comebacker.

But it's only two. Not good enough. The titan Delgado follows with a sharp single to center to start the mother of all two-out rallies. Cleanup man Mike Restovich clobbers one down into the left field corner to plate one, centerfielder Rios ignores his terrible season for two seconds to smack a single to left and make it 4-2, home team. Garland hands out a walk to 3B Eric Hinske and then the underrated backstop Guillermo Quiroz delivers the big blow, a screaming two-run double off the left-center field wall or baggy or whatever the hell is out there. 6-2, other guys. I don't see any point in pitching around the eighth place hitter at this point, so I telepathically tell Garland to pitch to Dave Berg and he does just that, setting him down on el strikos. Obviously, it's no consolation.

But got to play out the string, right? And so Eric Munson starts the sixth inning by looking at a smattering of pitches, most of which are your garden-variety crappy, which is to say off the plate. A walk. That'll do just fine for the OBP, but ain't gonna get us no four run comeback.

[cknox0723]

So Munson trots down to first after the old BB and centerfielder Brian Anderson assumes the position. And smacks a solid single to left field, one that would have been quite alliterative had left and field actually been spelled sleft and sfield. We've got two baserunners. Hooray, the go-ahead run is only about five batters away at this point. But then rookie LF Clinton King draws a...wait for it...a walk! to load the bases for the mighty catcher Yorvit!. Just for the hell of it, I tell all-or-nothing backup Russ Branyan to grab a bat and step into the on-deck circle in lieu of Garland. Just for kicks.

You know, had Yorvit put one into orbit at this point, the game would have been tied. Ain't that funny? Instead...he slashed a line drive over second baseman Hudson and into the outfield. Munson ambled home, the lithe young outfielder Anderson tore around third and bolted home as Alex Rios cocked the right arm and fired...BAM, bullseye, right into the glove of Guillermo Quiroz.

But too late to nail Anderson. 6-4. Yorvit, Yorvit, Yorvit!, you are my hero. Still, we're down a pair and up a creek if we can't keep on bringin' those runs around. Russ Branyan steps in, falls in a two ball, two strike pit like you might expect a .111 hitter to do...but then Jay Davis flings a wild one. It rolls to the backstop, Clint King rolls home, Torrealba to third. It's 6-5. Branyan lets another misfire go by and trots down to first, the third recipient of a Jason Davis walk today, quite unlikely for a man who had walked just 19 men in his first 85 frames.

Davis exits, stage Mountie. Erstwhile starter and card-carrying journeyman right-hander Kip Wells comes on to pitch to dynamic shortstop Ramon Vazquez. "Pokey" takes a strike, bides his time, cradles the bat lovingly as though it were not a piece of lumber, but an actual breathing being, capable of both emotion and thought, tenderness and expression...

He sees a fastball, he whips the lumber forward. "****!" is the cry from the pitcher Wells as the little white sphere careens off his leg, but it's drowned in the crowd noise, and probably my cry of, "Holy ****!" The ball deflects over towards shortstop, but Dave Berg has no play. It's six-six thanks to a play-by-play sequence I'd never seen before.

Good old Kippers is all champagne and caviar, say his trainers after a long consultation, just a little bruise so rub some dirt on it and all will be well. Besides, the adrenaline's kicked in, and these could be the best innings he'll give you in five years. Sure enough, with the go-ahead run on second, Adam Kennedy pops out to shallow right-center and then Magglio Ordonez does just the same. But with two outs and two men still on, Frank Catlanotto waltzes towards the box, and no adrenaline can match the bo-dacious wave that "Tabby" is riding right now.

"One and one to Catalanotto, the former Blue Jay who's two for four today. Wells to the set, Branyan a few steps off second and Vazquez making Chubby Checker proud about eight feet from the first base bag. Quiroz pounds the mitt, sets up and here it comes...breaking ball, hanger, Catalanotto swings and now it's hanging in the air again, on a long ride to right field! Rios going back and that ball is...off the top of the wall and now caroming towards the infield. Catalanotto eases into second as Rios relays it in, Branyan has scored easily and Ramon Vazquez comes chugging home unimpeded. It's a two-run double to right for Frank Catalanotto to cap off a six-run sixth for the Pale Hose, who've coming storming back from a 6-2 deficit to take an eight to six lead."

Catalanotto, after a ninth-inning fielder's choice puts him at three-for-five in this game, is seventeen for his last thirty-three, which is just silly.

I could give you the glorious details of how we protected that eight-six lead, but all you really need to know is that the sphere was passed from Akinori Otsuka to Mike Gallo without a hitch, and then when the southpaw ran out of steam in the ninth, Joe Roa came on in and "The Pied Piper" just lulled 'em to sleep to get the save. Equally exciting is the report that Cleveland took down Minnesota again, 11 to 5 with a 6-run seventh, and we are in first effing place, if you can believe it. That's as worthy of a as anything I've ever heard of.



CHW 8 TOR 7

WP: J. Garland (9-5) - 5 IP, 7 H, 6 R, 5 BB, 4 K
LP: J. Davis (6-5) - 5 IP, 8 H, 7 R, 3 BB, 4 K
S: J. Roa (4)

Wow.