Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

It's from the often-edited opening post.

Originally Posted by Westheim

Attention (May 15, 2019): while I have usually attached my images in this thread, there were times a few years back when uploads to the board were routinely wonky and/or just not working (for me?). In this case I linked them in via Photobucket. With Photobucket limiting free accounts to almost nothing by June 2019, I am likely going to delete that account, since I'm not gonna pay five bucks a month for it. Once that happens, there will be a handful of images missing in the thread. Wherever they may be. If you run into that wherever you are currently reading, post or PM - I have ALL pictures still on hard drive and can reupload them.

Apart from that I have no bleeping clue either. But there's more than one user on the board where I have *that* general feeling all the time.

Funnily enough, the account still exists, I have not upgraded, and they keep sending me at least three "important notices" a week that my account needs upgrading that all go straight to spam.

Good business model.

On a level with the Coons, I dare say!

[Westheim]

2037 AMATEUR DRAFT

Monday was Draft Day this year, and the Raccoons were looking forward to adding more future disappointments. Or Players of the Year! Unfortunately, neither a Manny Fernandez, nor a #5 pick was in the offing for the Critters. We had the 21st pick in every round, as well as a 110-strong shortlist and the infamous dozen-sized hotlist (players with * are high school players):

SP Sebastian Parham (14/13/12) – BNN #9
SP Luke Moses (13/13/9) – BNN #1
SP Matt Kaplan (11/8/9) *
SP Ayden Cobb (12/9/8) *
SP Vince Burke (11/13/10) – BNN #3

CL Mike Lechowicz (18/14/11)

INF/CF Brian Bowman (15/10/11)
3B/LF Josh Frazier (11/13/17)
1B Mark Cahill (11/17/11) – BNN #10
2B Glenn Sprague (10/10/11) – BNN #6

LF/CF Joe Besaw (13/9/8)
LF/RF Zach Buckler (9/10/12)

The Thunder led their way thanks to their horrendous 2036 campaign and selected Parham with the #1 pick, which wasn’t too surprising to anybody but perhaps BNN. Brian Bowman to the Pacifics, Josh Frazier to the Rebels, Mark Cahill to the Gold Sox, and Joe Besaw to the Crusaders completed the top 5, all from the hotlist, and the four boys after Parham were also all position players.

The Loggers then broke the chain, taking outfielder Aaron Brayboy with the #6 pick, which was still a defensible selection. After that the hotlist kept being decimated; Luke Moses went to Indy at #7, the damn Elks snatched Sprague at #8, and Lechowicz was taken early for a closer at #14, selected by the Caps. By the 17th pick, the Condors selected outfielder Dave Young, the first player not even on our shortlist, which was fine to me, because that still left a good selection of three pitchers and Buckler as our first pick zoomed closer and closer.

We’d rather have a pitcher, we decided, and Burke, Kaplan, and Cobb were on a bit of a sliding scale. Cobb had the highest potential stuff, but the worst control, and our scout guy had unearthed a police report where he had been arrested for spraying a cargo rail car – in broad daylight. Probably not the brightest bean in the chili, I see. Also, Scout Guy, if you’d sign these reports with your name, I’d maybe at some point remember it! On the other end of the scale was Burke, not as sparkling, but a GOOD BOY through and through. And he was singing in the church choir, too. As long as he didn’t refuse to pitch on the Sunday, I’d be fine with that guy!

Cobb wound up with the Arrowheads at #23, the Loggers took Buckler at #26 with a supplemental round pick, while Kaplan hung around alllll the way until the next Critters pick, which was already outside the top 60. Did that make us reconsider? We liked him before. We still liked him.

The next guy we looked at was outfielder Justin Waltz, but the Aces snatched him at #81, just five picks before we could take a swipe at the kid.

+++

2037 PORTLAND RACCOONS DRAFT CLASS

Round 1 (#21) – SP Vince Burke, 20, from Fayetteville, AR – right-handed groundballer with 92mph heat, curve, slider, and maybe a changeup if we can get it to twirl. Absolutely nothing to be upset about with this kid. Maybe a bit bland. He’ll be 21 at the end of the month, but has vowed to never touch alcohol. I am confused.
Round 2 (#62) – SP Matt Kaplan, 19, from Southfield, MI – left-handed pitcher with a cutter, curve, slider arsenal. Could use a bit more movement on those pitches, but solid outlook overall, and OSA was even more a fan of him than us.
Round 3 (#86) – 1B Jason Robinson, 18, from Houston, TX – intelligent, soft-spoken first baseman with a reputation for untapped power potential; OSA hates him and our track record with first basemen is abjectly horrendous, so nothing but doom will befall Robinson from here on out…
Round 4 (#110) – C Jason Lindblom, 18, from Evansville, IN – good contact bat, but no power, and typical catcher speed. He is somewhat clumsy, which might hinder his progress later on.
Round 5 (#134) – INF/RF Jeff Goodwill, 17, from Rockville, MD – quirky fast middle infielder with butterfingers; some power potential, and maybe he can be hidden away at first base?
Round 6 (#158) – 2B/LF/CF Ben Southall, 18, from Queens, NY – has yet to find a position and the power he’s rumored to have. Weak throwing arm, limiting usage options for what is otherwise a solid defensive platform. Also has a good eye and decent speed.
Round 7 (#182) – CL Daniel Masson, 21, from New Orleans, LA – right-hander with a swooping curve that is hard to hit; unfortunately the 92mph fastball is very hittable.
Round 8 (#206) – 3B/LF Doug Michaud, 22, from West Little River, FL – strong defensive third baseman with a killer arm; decent contact, but no other nice hitting qualities, and it’s pretty well known that he’s a massive **** and likes to torture rookies.
Round 9 (#230) – C Chad Field, 20, from Mesa, AZ – everything about him screams that he’ll be released in three years for being too run-of-the-mill, and bad at that.
Round 10 (#254) – MR Jason Martin, 22, from Highland, NY – left-hander with short breath and a fastball / splitter combo, both pitches being prone to missing
Round 11 (#278) – SP Matt Seltzer, 18, from Queens, NY – this year’s Nick Brown Memorial left-hander throws four pitches, all badly, with the changeup being the least slammable. Throws only 87 so far, but can do that all day long. Future batting practice tosser?
Round 12 (#302) – LF Chris Marsee, 18, from Long Beach, CA – free swinger with no discipline, little power, no speed, crummy defense, and noxious breath
Round 13 (#326) – SP Ray Clark, 20, from Bonita Springs, FL – right-hander. … and… that’s all the good things I have to say.

+++

There were a few players that got kicked out in the aftermath of the draft, but we didn’t have to cleanse the system as vigorously as most years, because some work had already been done over the winter, and we only had 80 active minor leaguers before adding the draft flock.

Among those axed that have even had their name dropped before was 2035 10th rounder Cecil Nisbet, a ghastly pitcher that walked more than he struck out in A-ball, but was very consistent at that at least…; 2034 fifth-rounder Aaron Segall, relentlessly batting .200/.250/.280 in Aumsville; and outfielder and 2035 12th rounder Yuichi Shindo, who couldn’t hit anything that wasn’t balanced on a stick.

[Questdog]

Originally Posted by Westheim

It's from the often-edited opening post.



Apart from that I have no bleeping clue either. But there's more than one user on the board where I have *that* general feeling all the time.

Funnily enough, the account still exists, I have not upgraded, and they keep sending me at least three "important notices" a week that my account needs upgrading that all go straight to spam.

Good business model.

On a level with the Coons, I dare say!

Photobucket and Yahoo are my two least favorite internet companies..... Evilness abounds in both....

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

Photobucket and Yahoo are my two least favorite internet companies..... Evilness abounds in both....

Dear Mr. Dog,
dear Customer,

we have noticed that payment for your season ticket plan "Only when they win" has not been processed so far. The outstanding amount is $346.92.

Please fill out the attached form and provide us with a copy of your relevant bank statement so we can match it with our records. Please also provide a certified copy of your ID, social security number, and a list of all your all-time favorite soft drinks.

If you have time, you can also take a customer survey on our homepage, portlandraccoons.com.

We thank you for your understanding and cooperation and hope to see you for our next homestand against the [paste team here].

Yours sincerely

Cristiano Carmona
Vice President for Special Customer Problems
Portland Raccoons

The Portland Raccoons - Where Baseball Means FUN!

[Westheim]

(looks up from frameless pad with depressing stats) What? Cristiano is vice president now?? He’s got a bigger title than me???

Raccoons (35-25) @ Miners (26-34) – June 15-17, 2037

The Raccoons were back on the road, hitting up Pittsburgh, where the Miners had lost four in a row and were just a bit worse than the league average in both runs scored and runs allowed. Their rotation was a particularly troubled roster section, posting a 4.78 ERA, which was second-worst in the Federal League. There was not one particular thing that the team did really well. The Raccoons had played them two years in a row and had lost both series, each time 2-1.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (5-4, 3.58 ERA) vs. Roberto Pruneda (5-4, 4.54 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-1, 2.09 ERA) vs. Matt Moon (2-4, 3.55 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-0, 3.27 ERA) vs. Matt Peterson (3-7, 6.99 ERA)

Pittsburgh had only right-handed starters. We’d miss Jonathan Dykstra (4-5, 5.09 ERA), who was name-dropped last week, after he had pitched and lost on Sunday.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Maldonado – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Chavez
PIT: LF Burgos – SS Obando – 3B Lastrade – 1B Santillano – 2B Russell – RF Wade – C Wall – CF Trawick – P Pruneda

After Dave Myers’ double in the first went nowhere, the Coons loaded the bases in the top 2nd with a Chris Russell error on Stedham’s grounder, a Jesus Maldonado single up the middle, and Tony Morales squeezing out a walk. Ed Hooge batted with nobody out, hit a grounder to short that was only good to retire Morales, and Stedham scored on the play anyway. Bernie and Cosmo both popped out to strand runners on the corners, before the Miners also started their half of the second with three on and nobody out. Danny Santillano, serial pitcher slayer, walked to begin the mess, while Chris Russell and Adrian Wade hit singles, bringing up recent Raccoon Kurt Wall, who was batting .290 with four homers, and tied the game with an RBI single past Trevino. Jake Trawick’s sac fly gave Pittsburgh the lead, but then the 9-1 batters fizzled out for them like they had for us. The bottom 3rd was not much better, with three straight singles by Guillermo Obando, Omar Lastrade, and Santillano running the score to 3-1, with another run scoring later thanks to a Maldonado error.

So once more the Raccoons were down by a bunch, and were left to wait for miracles. Miracles obliged once Tony Morales hit a triple (!) in the fourth and scored on Hooge’s sac fly, and in the sixth when Maldonado hit an RBI triple to score Stedham with one out. That was it for miracles, though, with Hooge grounding out to Lastrade to pin the tying run, and Chavez whiffing after Hooge had been walked intentionally. Bernie remained on the hook until he was yanked in the bottom 7th after a Trevino error put a Miner on base. David Fernandez and Antonio Prieto inched the Coons out of the inning and kept them only one run behind. Maldonado walked in the eighth, then was caught stealing, then committed another error in the bottom of the inning that put Trawick on base against Prieto. Ozzie Burgos would hit a double, and the runners scored on a wild pitch (…) and a 2-out single by Lastrade, and the Raccoons responded by going down without as much as a struggle against Gualter Cymbron in the ninth inning… 6-3 Miners. Trevino 3-5;

So we have no shortstop, no pitching, no pen, no defense, what else?

Oh yes, no longer first place. The Crusaders took sole possession of it by simply not playing on Monday.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Maldonado – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Sparkes
PIT: LF Burgos – SS Obando – 3B Lastrade – 1B Santillano – 2B Russell – RF Wade – C Wall – CF Trawick – P Moon

Manny homered in the first for a 1-0 lead, but the Miners were not waiting around and tied the game in the second. Santillano and Wade singled off Sparkes to go to the corners, and Kurt Wall kept making us watch Jeff Kilmer with contempt with a sac fly. At least he didn’t beat Justin Fowler, who didn’t age that well right now, with his drive to deep center in the bottom 4th. Fowler caught the ball, and Russell was stranded in scoring position, keeping the game tied.

It took the Coons aches and pains to untie the game by the sixth inning. Cosmo reached base, snatched his 18th base (after also having been caught by Wall the day before), then scored on Manny’s 2-out single through the left side. Fowler flew out to center to end the inning, and the Miners were immediately on Sparkes again, but only got a 1-out double from Santillano before Maldonado and Hooge made nice defensive plays. Hooge then came through on offense after Morales had been judged to beat out the return throw on the Miners’ attempted 6-4-3 inning-ender in the top 7th. Maldonado was out, but Morales was called safe, even though replay tended to disagree. Hooge gave the Miners something to snipe about with a 2-run homer over the fence in right, and Matt Moon in particular was close to getting tossed by the first base ump. He was removed after Sparkes singled off him, with Juan Vela securing a grounder from Trevino to end the inning. Trawick countered with a solo jack in the bottom 7th to narrow the lead to 4-2, but I had a weird feeling of confidence that would without a doubt soon be turned into regrets and rage. Myers fudged Obando’s grounder to begin the bottom 8th, and Lastrade instantly homered the game tied to dead center, 420 feet or something like that. Four-all, and I had trouble unclenching my jaw.

Cymbron was at it again in the ninth, but Maldonado legged out an infield single, and while Morales popped out, Hooge hit a 2-out double to left-center. Crucially, Burgos, a Gold Glover, cut off the ball before it reached the warning track, and Maldonado had to be stopped at third base. Rich Vickers batted for Garavito with Critters on second and third and two outs, grounded out on the first pitch, and a Trevino error put Vicente Palacios at second base with one out in the bottom 9th. Travis Sims had two outs on the board already and would probably get another one, right? Burgos was walked intentionally to get the aged veteran Obando and his righty bat to the plate. The next pitch was ticked up the middle, went by Trevino, and ended the game. 5-4 Miners. M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Maldonado 2-4; Hooge 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI;

(sour expression)

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Maldonado – LF Hooge – C Kilmer – P Sabre
PIT: LF Burgos – SS Obando – 3B Lastrade – 1B Santillano – 2B Russell – RF Wade – C Wall – CF Trawick – P M. Peterson

Dave Myers had the first two base hits for the Raccoons on Wednesday, which was of course not very conducive to offensive heroics. The Coons never scored him, but when Ozzie Burgos hit a 1-out triple off Sabre in the bottom 3rd he was of course scored by Obando’s grounder up the middle. Bottom 4th, leadoff double to center by Santillano, Russell RBI single, Wade RBI double to center. Sabre threw a wild pitch, walked Wall, gave up a sac fly to Trawick, and was finally knocked out by Burgos’ 2-out RBI double that completed the sweep of the ****ing awful Raccoons that couldn’t ****ing do anything. Francisco Pena replaced Sabre, and continued to be just ****ing awful. He walked Obando, allowed RBI singles to Lastrade and Santillano, and finally a 3-run homer to Russell. Exit Pena, enter Sims, but nothing really mattered, down 10-0.

Justin Fowler trudged the bases emotionless after hitting a homer off Peterson in the sixth, it was his 16th of the year. Stedham singled, Maldonado got nicked, and Chiyosaku Maruyama pinch-hit for Sims in the #7 hole, and hit straight into a double play. The following inning Manny Fernandez hit a 2-out, 3-run home run to left off Peterson, scoring Kilmer and Myers, but that still didn’t make a difference in the outright dismal score. It was one of those games – Preston Pinkerton had entered in a double switch and had gone 0-for-2 already by the time the bottom 8th rolled around, at which point he was sent to the mound. Santillano singled off him, but that was *it* and Pinkerton was pencilled in for a start on the weekend right away… He then drew a leadoff walk off Joe Martin in the ninth, then jogged home on Cosmo’s homer to center, which only made me angrier. Ultimately, there was of course no 10-run comeback in the books for the Raccoons. They just used the second half of the game to show off what they could do on a daily basis if they could be arsed. 10-6 Miners. Myers 2-3, BB; M. Fernandez 2-5, HR, 3 RBI;

Still not sure what pisses me off more. Giving up 10, or THEN going out and scoring six…

Oh, I know. Seeing the boys go to Elktown after THIS.

Raccoons (35-28) @ Canadiens (36-27) – June 18-21, 2037

Now the Raccoons were the team with the 4-game losing streak, and I was left to watch in horror from afar, being joined on the couch at home by Honeypaws and Rebbe Rosenbaum from three doors down. Both were tasked with giving me spiritual guidance. Not that I didn’t have other spirits around (plonks bucket with Capt’n Coma bottles on desk). Fittingly, the damn Elks had – what is it, Rebbe? – No cursing? – Oh boy, we’re in for a long one here… The Elks were fourth in runs scored, third in runs allowed, looked a lot better than the Critters right now, and had a 2-1 season series deficit to make up.

Projected matchups:
Josh Weeks (5-4, 3.71 ERA) vs. Bryce Neal (6-3, 3.00 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (5-4, 2.43 ERA) vs. Eric Weitz (7-4, 3.30 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-5, 3.65 ERA) vs. Matt Sealock (6-5, 3.30 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-1, 2.24 ERA) vs. Joe West (5-4, 3.99 ERA)

Neal was the sole southpaw for them, while Sunday was between West and Corey Booth (5-3, 2.85 ERA), both of whom had pitched in a double-header on Wednesday and would have to pitch on short rest.

The Raccoons, who had dropped to fourth in the North with their Pittsburgh antics, made a roster move before the series, sending Francisco Pena (18.00 ERA) back to AAA for Dennis Citriniti.

With Ryan Phillips and Ramon Cabral the Elks had two regulars on the DL. Not that there was anything in the world that could help the Raccoons, who couldn’t beat a team of ****ing toddlers right now… - Yes, Rebbe, I apologize, on swearing. – (unscrews the first bottle) – See, Rebbe, this is where you and I will get into problems, because I can’t watch baseball without being crash-drunk anymore…

Game 1
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Maldonado – 1B Maruyama – C Kilmer – 2B Vickers – P Weeks
VAN: 2B Morrow – SS Schneider – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B J. Lopez – RF Pohl – LF A. Torres – 3B Hughes – P Neal

Cosmo double, Myers walked, Fowler singled – three on with one down in the top 1st! When Maldonado shot a ball to left-center for an RBI single, I slapped the Rebbe on the shoulder and yelled out “See! That’s how it ****ing goes!”, which led to a discussion about how I was weighed down by my wicked ways, and that I shall seek salvation in the scripture. In any case, Maruyama whiffed and Kilmer grounded out, keeping three Raccoons stranded. The damn Elks also tied the game with a 2-out barrage in the bottom 1st, with Johnny Lopez singling home Jerry Outram before Pat Pohl grounded out to leave two aboard. By the third, they waffled Weeks for four singles and took a 3-1 lead, with the tie-breaking run actually scoring on Weeks’ wild pitch.

The tying runs reached scoring position with nobody in the fourth after some accidental contribution from the rancid folk at the bottom of the order. Maruyama singled through between Andy Hughes and Brian Schneider, while Kilmer doubled to left. Vickers was put on intentionally, and while the urge to bat for Weeks (3 IP, 7 H, 3 ER) was there, it was probably not a wise move. He popped out, while Trevino grounded to third base. Hughes fed the ball to Eric Morrow, who got clobbered by Vickers to break up the double play, but Vickers also hurt his leg and had to be replaced; Steve Nickas entered the game at short, while I was cussing and being admonished. In all the dust, one run had scored, and Myers brought home two more with a triple into the leftfield corner!! Score flipped, hell, yes!! – What, Rebbe? – “Hell” too??

While Fernandez left Myers on by whiffing, the Coons had them on the corners in the fifth basically on errors by Outram and Schneider. Kilmer was batting with one out, lined out to short, and Nickas popped out. I had a vague feeling that this would have been the last scoring invitation sent by the damn Elks, but starting with Weeks leading off in the top 6th, the Coons whacked Neal for three straight singles to fill the bags again in the 4-3 game. Manny hit into a force at home, Fowler hit into a double play, and now I needed Honeypaws for comfort. Weeks held out for six, then was hit for by Hooge with Maruyama and Nickas on base and two outs in the seventh. Another lame groundout, another two Critters stranded!

Prieto held up in the seventh, but Wise walked Lopez and PH Vincent Pacheco in the bottom 8th, causing me great agony again. David Fernandez came on to see PH Jesse LeJeune, aka Deathbringer, with one down, got a comebacker for an out at second base, then walked Hughes to fill the bags. Derek James, who pinch-hit for the pitcher, was not a left-hander, but the Coons went to Yeom Soung anyway at this point. He was well rested, having been rendered useless by his team in Pittsburgh. AND HE STRUCK HIM THE **** OUT!! – Yes, no, Rebbe. – Rebbe, Rebbe, he struck him THE **** OUT!! – Alright, what *would* King David say?? ...

Jeremy Bloedow filled the bags with Critters in the top 9th, nailing Maldonado, who stole second, and walking Kilmer and Pinkerton in the #9 hole. Trevino batted with three on and two outs, had a 2-0 count, and flew out to Outram, just before Morrow reached on an infield single to begin the bottom 9th. He was bunted to second before Soung walked Outram, creating a pickle. Timóteo Clemente grounded to short, but there was only an out at first available, moving the winning run into scoring position, too with two outs and switch-hitter Johnny Lopez up. He hit the first pitch. High. Very high. Left. Very Left. And deep, too. Quite deep. But not ****ing deep enough!! Manny Fernandez made the catch on the warning track, and the Coons staggered off winners!! 4-3 Raccoons!! Trevino 3-6, 2B, RBI; Myers 2-3, 2 BB, 3B, 2 RBI; Maldonado 2-4, RBI;

Say, Rebbe, what does the scripture say about Raccoons? Clean or not?

Why are they not in the scripture??

Rich Vickers was day-to-day with a mild hamstring strain. It would not hamper him from executing this duties – warming the bench. Of course right now Enrique Trevino was sore and had to be scratched from the lineup.

The Rebbe would have come back on Friday, too, although the game was running up on the Shabbat with a nighttime start. I called him a few hours earlier to arrange for a food delivery from my favorite place, Pork Palace, then got another lecture. He instead announced to bring self-prepared bread and olives. I agreed, and as soon as the call was over snuck outside with a big knife and cut the wire on the neighborhood’s eruv in three places, by which I precluded the Rebbe from coming at all, since the community had to fix the eruv before sunset, and if he had come, he couldn’t have taken his bowl back home with him due to the ban on carrying an object from a private to a public place.

I felt pretty smart about myself, then ordered from Pork Palace. Delivery arrived a minute before Eric Weitz’ first pitch!

Game 2
POR: 3B Myers – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – SS Maldonado – 2B Nickas – P Ottinger
VAN: 2B Morrow – LF LeJeune – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B J. Lopez – RF Korecky – SS Schneider – 3B Hughes – P Weitz

Ottinger sucked like no tomorrow, walked the bases full in the bottom of the second, and gave up a 2-out, 2-run single to Weitz that flipped the score after Fowler’s RBI triple in the top of the first. LeJeune and Clemente both hit solo home runs the following inning, and a Johnny Lopez single, Will Korecky walking, and Andy Hughes’ sac fly made it 5-1. Another two singles and a run-scoring wild pitch brought about bedtime for Ottinger early, and there was no saving the Raccoons, because they continued to not ****ing hit a lick.

Lightning flashing right in front of my window, but nowhere else in the city as I confirmed by looking out briefly between innings of this miserable ballgame, made me wonder whether this was divine retribution for my sins, and it sure looked like it. Mauricio Garavito retired absolutely nobody in the bottom 7th, left with three on and no outs, and was barely dug out for the cost of only one run by Antonio Prieto. Portland scratched out a run in the ninth, nobody particularly cared about that, though. 7-2 Canadiens. Maruyama (PH) 1-1, 2B; Citriniti 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K; Prieto 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – SS Maldonado – LF Hooge – P Chavez
VAN: 2B Morrow – LF LeJeune – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B J. Lopez – RF Korecky – SS Schneider – 3B Hughes – P Sealock

Sealock whiffed four and was perfect the first time through the Raccoons’ order, while the damn Elks loaded the bases in the bottom 2nd before their pitcher struck out and stranded them all. Jesse LeJeune hit a double in the third, but was also starved at third base, and maybe, just maybe, the Raccoons could not lose another baseball game and start winning now.

Unlikely. Sealock retired the first FIFTEEN Raccoons in a row before Maldonado dropped a single behind Morrow. Hooge struck out, Bernie bunted, and Trevino grounded out, and that was the offense for today, I guess. The Raccoons squelched out Bernie for 113 pitches and seven shutout innings, which was truly ALL he had, and yet they still had nothing on the board, and in fact had still to find another base hit against Sealock, who had nine strikeouts and didn’t look like stopping any time soon. Top 9th, Enrique Trevino hit a 1-out single against Tim Zimmerman, just when me and Honeypaws were about ready to doze off. Myers whiffed, Manny grounded out, and why stay awake indeed?

The scoreless game reached extra innings thanks to scoreless relief by Garavito and Wise, which was such a joyous occasion. Yes, more torture! Morales hit a single with two outs in the 10th, which obviously led nowhere. The game went on, even when Travis Sims walked both Outram and Clemente in the bottom 11th. Lopez’ fly was caught by Manny Fernandez, and the misery continued. Top 12th, Jordan Calderon in his third inning, but it wasn’t like the Raccoons had challenged him much in the first two. Myers dropped a leadoff single behind Hughes, while Manny grounded out, advancing the runner. Fowler was walked intentionally, and Stedham was 0-for-4 and faced a southpaw, but (looks at scorecard) better than Nickas pinch-hitting I guess. Stedham was at 2-2 when he slapped a ball over Brian Schneider, Myers was waved around, even scored, and the runners advanced into scoring position on the throw. A run! A RUN!! Vancouver responded by half-arsedly walking Tony Morales to get forces all over the place, then saw Calderon give up a soft RBI single to Maldonado. Robby Ciampa replaced Calderon, and we sure knew THIS right-hander with a 5+ ERA. Couldn’t harm him, though. Hooge popped out, Kilmer grounded out, and then it was on Yeom Soung. Groundout, strikeout, single, single… Morrow was the winning run at the plate with two outs, and had his first pitch ticked into the rightfield corner for a game-tying double. LeJeune flew out to Hooge, which meant the party continued. Portland did nothing in the 13th. That included Soung. Clemente doubled, Lopez walked, James singled, and Schneider ended the miserable charade with a walkoff single. 3-2 Canadiens. Maldonado 2-5, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 6 K; Wise 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

After a night spent crying on the couch, Sunday brought a final loss for the Raccoons.

Have they ever done anything but losing…?

Game 4
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – LF Hooge – SS Maldonado – C Kilmer – P Sparkes
VAN: 2B Morrow – LF LeJeune – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B J. Lopez – RF Korecky – SS Schneider – 3B Hughes – P Booth

Sparkes nailed Morrow with a fastball, then gave up home runs to LeJeune and Clemente, and thus another game ended in the first inning, down 3-0. LeJeune hit another solo home run in the bottom of the third, and the ****ing Raccoons hit nothing at all for three innings. Ed Hooge got hold of a fastball in the fourth inning and pelted that over the fence with Fernandez on base, cutting the gap to 4-2, but that was surely only going to be one of those teasers. Indeed, Jesse LeJeune, the ****ing ****head, laced an RBI double off Sparkes in the bottom 5th, driving in Morrow.

That was far from all the damn Elks had to show off. They drew two walks to begin the bottom of the sixth, then filled the bases with a single. Lopez, Korecky, and Schneider all scored on Hughes’ double to center, which also ended Sparkes’ ****ing awful day, and Dennis Citriniti proved no better in relief, allowing Hughes to score, too. The highlight of the game was the bottom of the eighth, though, with Preston Pinkerton pitching yet again in a blowout. He walked four Elks – and didn’t allow a run. With Hughes and Alex Torres onbase, Morrow hit into a double play, and with the bases loaded Maldonado handled Timóteo Clemente’s 2-2 grounder. Pinkerton also walked himself with two outs in the top 9th, joining Ed Hooge on base against David Arias, who threw a wild pitch, then allowed a 2-run single to Trevino, which was as easily shrugged off by Elks fans as by tortured Raccoons followers. 9-4 Canadiens. Trevino 4-5, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B; Hooge 2-4, HR, 2 RBI;

In other news

June 18 – It’s game over for this year at least for 42-year-old swingman Mark Roberts (1-2, 1.77 ERA). The otherwise resilient Aces pitcher is put on the DL with a ruptured disc and will miss the rest of the season.
June 21 – DEN INF Orlando Nieblas (.366, 4 HR, 19 RBI) is out for the season with a torn labrum.

FL Player of the Week: PIT OF/2B Chris Russell (.300, 3 HR, 35 RBI), hitting .556 (15-27), 2 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: VAN OF/2B Jesse LeJeune (.332, 4 HR, 30 RBI), going to town .481 (13-27), 3 HR, 10 RBI

Complaints and stuff

The beauty of interleague play is that you can witness BOTH the ABL’s Players of the Week doing grim things from stealing their lunch all the way to the outright rape of your team in the span of just seven days. It was a treat for connoisseurs of drawing the short stick, then getting poked in the eye with the long one: combined against Portland, Russell and LeJeune went 13-28, 3 2B, 4 HR, 9 RBI against the Raccoons, batting .464/.500/1.000 against them.

One day, the sweet kiss of death will release me from my worldly charges. Although, well, can we be sure? Because this team sucks like it’s from another world entirely.

This week robbed me of all illusions I had still harbored. Nothing works. There’s two .300 batters atop the lineup that once a fortnight are on base for Fernandez or Fowler to hit a 3-piece, and in the time in between they are either stranded on second or caught stealing trying to ****ing get there. The bottom of the order is an unsalvageable mess of has-beens and wannabes and never-will-bes. And Berto. Well, he’s probably included in the has-beens.

The pitching is sometimes okay, often crummy, and never enough. The defense, I don’t care, Cristiano, your numbers are ****. ****!! (throws pad after Cristiano, who barely rolls out of the way) THEY ****ING SUCK IN EVERY REGARD!!

Next week, in fact, Monday: double header in Milwaukee, and four in total. Let’s see how we’ll kickstart the Loggers’ season. Thursday off, last day off before the All Star Game in fact, and then the team comes back home to face the Aces on the weekend, and the Knights after that. Next Monday with Atlanta is of course another double-header, because the only thing better than getting a chance to suck every day, is a chance to suck TWICE a day. It will be the Indians, Crusaders, and Titans after that until the All Star Game.

I say they’ll go 3-19. Somebody will toss a shutout, probably Bernie and win 2-0. Then one random 15-4 clubbing. And one game where the other team makes four errors.

Although these misfits might lose the four-error game…

Fun Fact: The Raccoons are still second in all of home runs, stolen bases, and runs allowed.

And yet, they were outscored 43-25 this week. Numbers, huh? They’re not ****ing telling anything!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (36-31) @ Loggers (23-45) – June 22-24, 2037

After last week’s disaster the Raccoons crawled into Milwaukee to play four games there, including a double header on Monday, which was a further unwanted complication. On paper, the Loggers were hopeless, losing two games for every win, and scoring about 3.6 runs per game, the worst mark in the league. They were also giving up the fourth-most, and were close to a triple digit run differential at -84. Their rotation was the worst; their pen was merely horrible. Portland was up in the season series, 3-2.

Projected matchups:
Tom Miller (0-1, 13.50 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (5-5, 3.69 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-1, 3.99 ERA) vs. Sal Chavez (2-2, 4.21 ERA)
Josh Weeks (6-4, 3.76 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (1-7, 5.47 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (5-5, 2.98 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (4-5, 3.65 ERA)

Sabre, Weeks, and Ottinger would all go on regular rest. The Loggers’ starters on Tuesday and Wednesday would not. Stockwell was their only available left-hander.

Of course there was a roster move to begin the hole shebang. Chiyosaku Maruyama was sent back to AAA to get Tom Miller up for a spot start. Contrary to our usual preferences, Miller would take the ball first on the Monday double-header, then be immediately whisked back to the Alley Cats for an additional arm to supplement the bullpen for the next few days; that would be Bob Thomson, the 26-year-old southpaw with some select appereances in the last two years, going 1-2 with a 4.29 ERA in the majors in 9 games (2 starts). Regardless, this left the Raccoons with a 4-man bench for the double header, which included the partially disabled Rich Vickers.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – LF Hooge – CF Maldonado – C Morales – SS Nickas – P Miller
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – 2B Ronan – P Iezzi

An innocent walk drawn by Manny Fernandez led to three runs in the opening frame when Stedham, Hooge, and Maldonado all whacked 2-out base hits and each drove in the guy ahead of him. The inning ended when Maldonado was caught stealing. The Loggers merely reclaimed two runs against Miller in the bottom of the inning, opening with three straight hits. Tony Romero was caught stealing as well, but in turn, with two outs and runners on the corners in a 3-1 game, Maldonado dropped Matt Cooper’s fly ball for a gross 2-base, run-scoring error in centerfield. And we thought Fowler was the guy that hurt us on D …! Miller, who was obviously not going to last very long, walked Salvador Ayala before Joseph Ronan left the bases loaded with a fly to Hooge. Miller then cost the Raccoons a run with a ****ty bunt taken to force out Tony Morales at third base in the top 2nd, then gave up a 2-out triple to Ted Del Vecchio in the bottom of the inning. Somehow, defense prevailed, but the writing was on the wall, and the Loggers tied the game with nobody out in the third inning. Walk to Josh Conner, singles by Steve Wilson and Matt Cooper, three-all. I marked down an L in my pocket schedule, but Miller wasn’t going to come out until he’d thrown his 100 pitches. The Raccoons needed every single out from their starters on this day.

Miller went out in style at least, giving up a tie-breaking leadoff jack to Tommy Iezzi – and on an 0-2 pitch! – in the fourth. Given that this was the last run off him in six unwatchable innings, in which he allowed 10 hits and walked four, the Loggers were really begging the Raccoons to come back. But would they? After three hits in the first inning, the Raccoons had ONE more hit in the next SIX innings against Iezzi, who was done after that. Manny Fernandez then looped a leadoff single off Rob Clack in the top of the eighth. Clack was a southpaw, and we had Justin Fowler on the bench, but the spot had to be picked carefully… The right spot never came. Stedham flew out to right. Hooge hit into a double play. Top 9th, Alex Banderas in for the Loggers. His ERA was over seven, but we had the bottom of the order up, so… Maldonado grounded out. Morales grounded out. Fowler batted for Nickas… and whiffed. 4-3 Loggers.

Eight losses in nine games. No hope, and, what’s this? Travis Sims pitched the bottom 7th here, then complained about shoulder soreness afterwards. Dr. Chung labelled him day-to-day for a week, but we were not in a situation where we could carry more dead weight. Sims was off to the DL, Miller was off to waivers, and we activated Bob Thomson and sent for 2033 fourth-rounder and right-hander Tyler Canfield to be sent from AAA, too. He had pitched in the Alley Cats’ game on Monday afternoon, but had thrown only nine pitches and was rested for a relief outing. 93mph fastball, slider, circle change, home run prone, but aren’t they all?

Bob Thomson was assigned #52; his previous number (#64) was now worn by Bryce Sparkes.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Maldonado – 3B Pinkerton – C Kilmer – P Sabre
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – C F. Chavez – 1B S. Ayala – 2B Ronan – P S. Chavez

Cosmo walked, stole second, and scored on Manny’s single, after which things stopped working rather fast. Fowler hit into a double play, and in the second inning Sabre got romped for a Francis Chavez single, a walk to Sal Ayala, then a score-flipping triple over Fowler’s head by Ronan, and finally Sal Chavez’ sac fly, putting Milwaukee up 3-1. The Coons again lost a run the following half-frame to a pitcher failing to get a ****ing bunt down, instead having Jeff Kilmer erased at second base. The Raccoons had three base hits in five innings, while the Loggers had five off Sabre, who at least, after giving up a 2-out single to Danny Valenzuela in the bottom 5th, picked the runner right off first base to get to the dugout after all. Sabre pitched into the seventh before the Loggers ate him up for good. Ronan walked with one out, stole second base, and Chavez hit a single to put them on the corners. And while left-handed batter D.J. Mendez struck out as pinch-hitter, right-handed singles poker Ted Del Vecchio barfed a ball over the fence with two outs to put the game away. Sal Chavez, offensive heroics aside, pitched a complete-game 4-hitter to hand the Raccoons their ninth defeat in ten games. 6-1 Loggers.

There are no words.

Well, I would know a few, but Maud wouldn’t put them in the press release anyway.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF Hooge – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Maldonado – C Kilmer – RF Pinkerton – P Weeks
MIL: LF T. Romero – 2B Yoshioka – 3B Conner – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – C M. Cooper – CF Ronan – 1B S. Ayala – P Stockwell

Again, Portland scored first and in the first… Trevino singled, Myers reached on Conner’s error, and Hooge singled past Sal Ayala to get Cosmo home from second base. Two strikeouts and a ****ty grounder to second quickly ended the inning, though, and that lead of course also was soon turned into a deficit. Del Vecchio was on first base with one out in the bottom 2nd, having singled. An errant pickoff throw by Weeks put him to second base, from where he scored on Ronan’s single. Ronan himself reached second base on a wild pitch, then scored on a sharp Ayala single to left with two outs. A melting Weeks walked the opposing pitcher before Tony Romero grounded out to Myers to dispel the spook. Del Vecchio still doubled home Kenta Yoshioka with two outs in the bottom 3rd, and while the Raccoons did what they did best with the sticks – ****ing nothing – Weeks continued to tumble onwards until the Loggers doubled the tally in the bottom 5th with a pitcher’s single, a dismal walk to Conner, and then Valenzuela’s 3-run homer, which meant ballgame – at least twice over.

Down 6-1, the Raccoons began the sixth with a poor out from Fowler before congregating around Rob Clack. Stedham, Maldonado, Kilmer all reached base, putting three on with one down, and even Preston Pinkerton found a spot to drop a ball onto for an RBI single to right. That brought up the tying run, with Manny Fernandez pinch-hitting for Citriniti, who had logged the last out in the fifth. He grounded to short, one run scored on a botched double play attempt, but Trevino grounded to short AGAIN to make ABSOLUTELY SURE that no rally would take place, and they settled for two when they needed no less than five. Matt Cooper legged out an infield single against Garavito to begin the bottom 6th and was of course brought around to score on a pinch-hit 2-out single by Juan Benito. Tyler Canfield made his major league debut for a team in a state of heightened disarray in the bottom 8th, trailing by a slam, so at least he couldn’t break anything except maybe an arm if hit by a comebacker… He retired the bottom of the order without further calamities. 7-3 Loggers. Hooge 2-3, BB, RBI;

Game 4
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Morales – 2B Vickers – P Ottinger
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – LF D.J. Mendez – 2B Ronan – P Piedra

While Piedra retired the objectively horrendous Raccoosn in order the first time through, within Ottinger’s first four pitches Tony Romero and Ted Del Vecchio hit two triples, and two pitches later, a wild pitch chased the shortstop across home plate, too. The Loggers were up 2-0 in the bottom 1st, and I had no cards left to play and no strings left to tug except for throwing myself into the nearest lake with a millstone around my neck.

While the Raccoons did eventually reach a ****ing base on Manny’s 2-out triple in the fourth – Fowler of course struck out at once – the Raccoons saw Piedra reach base with two outs in the bottom 4th when Myers threw away his poor grounder. Romero hit a double to left to score him, 3-0, and it was 4-0 after Ottinger’s fifth and final inning, in which he filled the bases by performing like raw sewage, then gave up a sac fly to Mendez. Not that more established personnel did any better than raw sewage level. Chris Wise pitched to the top of the order in the sixth, nailed Romero, walked Del Vecchio, and threw a wild pitch, putting the Loggers into scoring position with nobody out. Since they were a ****ty offensive team, they only made one run out of the invitation on a Conner groundout, but that ****ty team was just a few innings away from a 4-game sweep over completely deranged Raccoons. The cherry on top would be the bottom 8th, where an oversized yet plundered pen put Yeom Soung into a clear loss, and he retired absolutely nobody. Romero doubled, Del Vecchio hit an RBI single, Valenzuela singled, Conner walked, and Cooper hit a 2-run single. David Fernandez then replaced the Korean one hit wonder and retired the next three. Three was also the Raccoons’ hit total against Piedra and reliever Matt May. 8-0 Loggers. Vickers 1-2, BB;

The 20-minute bus ride to the airport was then filled entirely with my expletive-laden rant at max volume where I expressed to the players, very skillfully from an oratorical point of view, I must say, how much I hated them and their ****ing stripes.

I then spent the entire off day on Thursday under the bed, crying.

Raccoons (36-35) vs. Aces (36-36) – June 26-28, 2037

In to feast on the carcasses were the Aces, who were up 2-1 in the season series and guaranteed to leave town on Sunday night with that season series in the bag for ’37, like four of the last five years. With the second-most runs scored, the fifth-fewest runs allowed in the CL, and a +51 run differential (!!) they were undoubtedly due some wins, and I had zero doubts the utter horse **** Raccoons would obey.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (5-5, 3.36 ERA) vs. Jerry Hodges (3-4, 6.49 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-2, 3.02 ERA) vs. Matt Huf (4-6, 5.17 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-2, 4.41 ERA) vs. Drew Johnson (4-6, 4.82 ERA)

All right-handed opposition, which didn’t matter. Our ****ing lineup couldn’t hit a guy with NO arms if he was tied to a chair and the chair screwed to the ground, and big fat red arrows were pointing at the guy.

The Raccoons sent Thomson (2.1 IP, 0.00 ERA, 3 BB) back to AAA, then called up 2B Jose Brito. The 23-year-old would start at the keystone for the next week, with Trevino over to short until Berto would come off the DL. The season was a write-off; could as well check out that 2030 July IFA signing that had cost $76k back then.

Game 1
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS Ackeret – 2B Briones – 1B Marz – C Kuehn – RF Jorgensen – LF J. Nelson – 3B J. Barnett – P Hodges
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – 2B Brito – C Morales – P Chavez

I plunked down next to Slappy with two bottles of Capt’n Coma and all the pills and miracle juices I had snatched out of Dr. Chung’s pocket on the flight home from Loggertown to see which of them would kill me quickest, then got to see another game opened with a triple, with Mike Hall being scored by Aiden Ackeret with a single. Mario Briones hit into a double play, but they had the win in the bag, so why bother? Manny Fernandez hit a single in the bottom 1st, but was stranded by Fowler, and when Manny came up in the third with Bernie (hit by pitch) and Myers (double) on base and two outs, he uselessly grounded out to short. – Slappy, you think we can get a prospect for anybody? – Yeah. Me neither.

Last year’s Player of the Year (not really in contention to repeat…) was back up with runners on the corners in the fifth and again two outs, and FINALLY somebody on the team came through. John Marz dove, but missed Fernandez’ hard bouncer at 1-0, and it made its way up the line and into the corner, where Steve Jorgensen took his sweet time and allowed Manny to leg out a score-flipping 2-out, 2-run triple, plating Tony Morales and Dave Myers. Fowler of course flew out to left to strand him. He was now a mild 0-for-24. Top 6th, the guy that had scored the tying run the previous inning had a major cock-up. With Hall on first and no outs, Morales threw away Ackeret’s roller, putting the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position, at a point in the Coons’ life cycle where I was tending towards calling ballgame and going home. Bernie got pops on the infield from Mario Briones and Paul Kuehn… but in between John Marz had already slapped an RBI single to right to tie the score. Jorgensen whiffed, stranding Aces on the corners.

Bottom 6th, Hooge drew a leadoff walk from Hodges. He was in motion when Stedham grounded to second base, which was all that took apart the double play. Jose Brito had twice flown out to Justin Nelson in leftfield so far in his major league career, then kept it on the ground. His roller escaped between Ackeret and Josh Barnett, Hooge circled around on the single, and the Raccoons took a 3-2 lead. Morales was nicked by a 1-2 pitch, Bernie bunted both of them into scoring position, but Trevino popped out to end the inning, and Bernie bumped into the 100 pitches zone after completing seven innings. Prieto (and not Wise!) replaced him to face the top 8th, allowed a 1-out single to Ackeret, but got a 6-4-3 from Briones to keep the game in one piece, and after his diarrhetic outing on Wednesday Yeom Soung retired the 4-5-6 batters in order to secure a WIN for the home team. 3-2 Rancidoons. M. Fernandez 3-4, 3B, 2 RBI; Morales 1-2; Chavez 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (6-5);

A win? What does that mean? Someone explain, please?

Game 2
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS Ackeret – 2B Briones – 1B Marz – C Kuehn – RF Jorgensen – LF J. Nelson – 3B J. Barnett – P Huf
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – 2B Brito – C Morales – CF Maldonado – P Sparkes

Hooge singled, Manny walked, Stedham reached on an error still… but Brito flew out to Mike Hall in shallow center to strand a full set in the bottom 1st. The Aces put the leadoff batter on base in each of the first five innings, but didn’t actually score until John Marz hit the ball right outta here to begin the top 4th, which marked the first marker on the board… It took Sparkes getting hit by a pitch to see a Raccoon back in scoring position in the bottom 5th. Morales had hit a leadoff single before being forced out by Maldonado, who then saw himself jog to second base once long-ago Raccoon Matt Huf (remember, traded for Mark Roberts, and how long was HIS Coons tenure’s end ago??) gave Sparkes a welt. Cosmo tied the game with a bloop single in shallow right-center that Maldonado read perfectly and took off to score from second. But Myers grounded out, Hooge whiffed, and nobody else scored.

Sparkes went seven while holding on to the 1-1 tie, which then went to Wise to mess with. Briones singled off him in the eighth, but was doubled off by Marz, and the Aces continued to invite the Raccoons to stumble into another win. The bottom 8th saw Stedham on base with a 2-out single. We immediately sent Fowler to bat for Brito, which ended predictably with a groundout. Citriniti was then brought on for the ninth inning, seeing the Aces’ 5-6-7 retired in order, giving the bottom of the Critters’ lineup a shot at walking off (giggles). Huf was STILL in the game at this point, but it wasn’t like our offense had over-exerted his powers. A walk to Morales brought on reliever Sean Bastone with a 6.35 ERA, and Kilmer to run of Morales. Maldonado hit a grounder behind second base that Briones cut off, but couldn’t do anything with. Rich Vickers was already in the #9 hole and had to stay in there, too, with only Nickas left on the bench at all. He lined out to short, but Cosmo got a ball past the reach of Ackeret and into left-center. Kilmer – quick for a catcher! – circled around third base and made for home, Nelson’s throw was late, and the Coons scratched out another puny win. 2-1 Blighters. Trevino 3-5, 2 RBI; Sparkes 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K;

Like glue! But at least the first back-to-back wins in two weeks…

Game 3
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS Ackeret – 2B Briones – 1B Marz – C Kuehn – RF Jorgensen – LF J. Nelson – 3B J. Barnett – P D. Johnson
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Kilmer – 2B Brito – P Sabre

Offense was non-existent the first time through either lineup, but the Aces took the lead in the top 4th with a Justin Nelson blast to right-center. That one came with two down and Paul Kuehn on base. The Raccoons only got their second hit with Myers’ leadoff single in the bottom of the inning, and then Fernandez forced him out, but crucially gained a base on a passed ball before Ackeret threw away Fowler’s 0-for-28 groundball for a 2-base error. Fernandez scored, and the tying run went to second base, but Hooge hit a ****ing ****ty pop to Briones, and Stedham grounded out to piss that chance away just as well. – Slappy, we got any rat poison left? – Good! … – You’re not going to get it for me, are you?

Top 5th. The end. Leadoff single by the opposing pitcher, which was always a good move. Hall was hit with a pitch by Sabre, and Ackeret reached on a Myers error. Three on, no outs, Briones hit into a double play, 6-4-3, and a run scored. Johnson was at third base, and the inning looked over when Marz grounded to Myers… and then Myers ****ed up that play too, taking a dump on the baseball for another error. Johnson scored, and Sabre was broken for good now, allowing three straight RBI screamers before being yanked in a 7-1 rout. Only two of the runs were earned. Tyler Canfield replaced Sabre, got out of the inning, then walked a pair and allowed a double to Ackeret in between in the sixth before with two outs Kuehn took him deep by about 433 feet. The grand slam put the Aces in double digits, 11-3, dwarving two hapless runs the Raccoons had scored in the bottom 5th. Manny Fernandez hit another RBI single in the bottom 7th… and nobody could muster as much as a “yay…” anymore, for the park was empty, and I was seeing spots everywhere after mixing Capt’n Coma with a surfeit of random sugar pills. The Aces added three more runs on David Fernandez in the ninth inning, but who gave a ****? 14-4 Aces. M. Fernandez 2-4, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Brito 2-4;

In other news

June 24 – The only run in the Gold Sox’ 1-0 win over the Wolves scores in the 11th inning, and then only on a wild pitch by SAL MR Miguel Salazar (1-4, 3.78 ERA).
June 24 – ATL OF/1B Luis Inoa (.266, 7 HR, 19 RBI) is out for a month with a sprained thumb.
June 27 – Thunder pitching runs out of guile in the 15th inning against the Canadiens, who score four runs in the top of the frame to claim a 12-8 victory. Previously, both teams had scored a pair in the 10th inning.

FL Player of the Week: DEN 1B Gastao Rosado (.328, 5 HR, 43 RBI), poking .520 (13-25), 1 HR, 5 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ LF/1B Alvin Zuazo (.270, 5 HR, 22 RBI), hitting .462 (12-26), 2 HR, 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

In terms of runs, this was the very worst week yet. 16 runs scored. Gotten humped for 42. Of those, 34 earned. Which sounds like a relief at first, and then you realize, oh, yeah, Dave Myers apparently became hemiplegic overnight, and we’re all completely ****ed.

Stedham is 3-for-20. Maldonado is 3-for-24. Fowler of course is the King of Suck at 0-for-30.

OH FOR THIRTY. EVEN STEVE NICKAS GETS A ****ING HIT ONCE A FORTNIGHT.

There is no point in even trying to talk sense into what is going on, and I still don’t know where I was wrong in roster construction. On paper, the Anaconda Plan was perfect. Lots of OBP and speed – lots of runs. Well, ****ing ***, the Raccoons are as usual at the bottom of the league in OBP, and can’t score any ****ing runs. They’re 11-16 in June, and 3-12 since the 14th.

Next week, the horror homestand continues with four games against Atlanta, again starting with a double header on Monday. We can feed Weeks and Ottinger into the meat mincer there due to the off day this Thursday, but we will need a spot starter at some point next week. On the weekend, a trip to Indy is on. I think an 0-8 week is achievable by this team. I believe that they have that in them.

How many prospects can we get for a slightly scuffed centerfielder, former home run king? – Cristiano, I am not asking you about his defense. – I am asking Honeypaws!!

Fun Fact: The sad-sack Loggers have won more than three games in a row exactly once this year.

(opens mouth) …….. (closes mouth)

(clutches Honeypaws and rocks slowly back and forth)

[Questdog]

Stories that start off rough and end on a high note are enjoyable. You have the narrative backwards on this season....

[Westheim]

Trade

Monday morning saw the Raccoons trade with the Dallas Stars, who received AAA right-hander Daniel Hernandez, one of the prospects received this winter in the Bryce Sparkes trade. Hernandez (4-5, 5.24 ERA in AAA) had three walks for every two strikes in AAA, and we were not going to hope on him turning that around any time soon. The Stars meanwhile were eager to get rid of 34-yr old C Fernando Garcia (.283, 4 HR, 16 RBI), who was in a contract year and had no future on that team, and each party was readily letting the other know about their feelings on Gobble.

The Raccoons also receive $500k in cash in the deal – the Stars were THAT eager to get rid of Garcia, who thus became a second-time Coon. He had already caught some for the 2033 team, hitting .241 with 7 homers back then. He took the roster spot of Jeff Kilmer, who had plenty of options and was banished to St. Petersburg.

I also like how his scouting report says he’d be the last person you’d find in the tabloids. Yes – but that is because he’s threatened violence onto more than one reporter. He’ll mesh well with the Agitator…

Raccoons (38-36) vs. Knights (39-34) – June 29-July 1, 2037

The Knights had lost four in a row (poor puppies), had the fewest runs scored in the CL (it will get better, trust me), and somehow were still above .500 thanks to also *allowing* the fewest runs in the league. Their run differential was -13 but that last statlet was what made me considerably pessimistic about our chances for this 4-game set, which again started with a double header. The Raccoons led the season series, 2-0, but, well, listen up, Knights, it will get better…

Projected matchups:
Josh Weeks (6-5, 4.18 ERA) vs. Terry Garrigan (5-6, 3.52 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (5-6, 3.12 ERA) vs. Danny Orozco (3-5, 3.44 ERA)
Gene Tennis (1-1, 2.70 ERA) vs. Chris Lulay (6-6, 2.96 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-5, 3.21 ERA) vs. Brad Santry (6-5, 3.05 ERA)

The middle pair would be left-handers. The Raccoons also lined up an additional southpaw with Tennis getting a spot start on Tuesday. He was not on the roster on Monday, but would most likely take the spot currently so capably (…) occupied by - … uh, what’s his name, Cristiano. – The right-hander. – No, the other one. – The one that got lit up on Sunday. – I KNOW THAT’S NOT HELPFUL INFORMATION.

Game 1
ATL: 2B Kilgallen – CF J. Simmons – RF Pincus – 1B LeClerc – SS Thomson – 3B Maneke – C Jaramillo – LF Dahl – P Garrigan
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – C Morales – CF Maldonado – SS Nickas – P Weeks

Roy Pincus’ 16th homer gave the Knights a 1-0 lead in the top 1st, and Mike Dahl walked and was singled home by Matt Kilgallen in the second. Weeks walked three batters the first time through, exactly what you needed from your guy in the first leg of a double-header. The Knights’ run in the third inning was unearned thanks to a Nickas error when Pincus (nailed) and Justin LeClerc (single) where in scoring position with two outs. It was all a team effort, really!

Bizarrely, the Raccoons even had more base hits through five innings than the Knights, 5-3, but of course scored no runs. They spread the hits, all singles, as well as possible, except in the bottom 5th when Weeks and Cosmo hit back-to-back singles. Dave Myers heeded the call to action, and expertly grounded into a 6-4-3 double play to kill the goddamn inning. The Raccoons pushed Weeks through seven innings of 3-run ball (two earned), which of course meant he was doomed to lose. Nickas drew a 2-out walk in the bottom 7th, Fowler batted for Weeks, and grounded out to short to run his string of futility to 31 at-bats. Scoreless relief by Garavito and Citriniti kept the Knights from improving on their miserable runs per game value, but didn’t help create any offense. The 1-2-3 went down in order in the eighth against Garrigan, who was still on the mound for the ninth, having thrown only 87 pitches. Fernandez grounded out. Stedham flew out to center. When Tony Morales drew a 2-out walk in a full count, though, the Knights went to Marcus Goode, a right-hander, to finish the game. Rich Vickers batted for Maldonado, grounded out, and that was that. 3-0 Knights. Trevino 2-4;

Game 2
ATL: 2B Kilgallen – CF J. Simmons – RF Pincus – 1B LeClerc – 3B Maneke – SS Thomson – C Jaramillo – LF Dahl – P Orozco
POR: 3B Myers – LF Hooge – C Garcia – 1B Stedham – CF Fowler – RF Pinkerton – 2B Brito – SS Maldonado – P Ottinger

The most subdued Ottie home start in a while – it was a late-late game during the week, and Portland parents tried to distract their kids from the horrendous baseball team as good as possible, mildly funny young starting pitcher on social media be damned – saw the Raccoons score first, and right in the opening inning. After Matt Kilgallen was stranded at third base by Ottinger, the Raccoons got Ed Hooge aboard with a double to right. Garcia struck out, but Jesse Stedham hit an RBI single, and then Justin Fowler got hold of a ****ing baseball and hit it over the fence in left-center for his 17th homer and his first base hit in 32 attempts. The Knights had no answer through three innings, but had runners on the corners in the fourth after Pincus’ leadoff double and Keith Thomson getting nailed with a fastball. Alex Jaramillo grounded to short, Maldonado fumbled the ball, and a run scored on the error. Dahl then grounded out. Maldonado went on to piss me off by having Preston Pinkerton on third base with one out in the bottom of the same inning, and grounding out so poorly the runner had to hold. Thankfully Ottinger was the reincarnation of Jonny Toner *at least* with the bat, and flicked a 2-out single through the left side to extend the lead to 4-1. Dave Myers then got a hanger in a full count, crashed it over the wall in leftfield, and it was a 6-1 game.

The Knights were far from dead though. Ottie walked Ryan Czachor, pinch-hitting for Orozco, and gave up a blast to Kilgallen, narrowing the score to 6-3 in the fifth. The bloody same thing would happen in the seventh inning, leadoff walk to PH Eric Martins, and then another Kilgallen homer to left. Now it was 6-5, Ottie was sent home to think about what he had done, while the ****ing bullpen blew the game for good. Chris Wise allowed a single to Justin Simmons, walked LeClerc, and when Yeom Soung replaced him for a 5-out save, he got only a groundout before giving up the score-flipping single to Thomson with two outs. The Raccoons took the lead back in the bottom of the inning against Goode, with Jesse Stedham dropping the crucial 1-out RBI single to score Hooge for a tie, and Garcia ventured to third base, from where he scored on Pinkerton’s groundout, 8-7. Antonio Prieto would, to anybody’s surprise, save that game by logging four outs without putting anybody on base. 8-7 Raccoons. Stedham 2-4, 2 RBI; Trevino 1-1;

Tyler Canfield never pitched in the double-header, but was demoted afterwards anyway. Gene Tennis came up for the spot start on Tuesday.

Game 3
ATL: 2B Kilgallen – CF J. Simmons – RF Pincus – 1B LeClerc – SS Thomson – C Martins – 3B Maneke – LF Dahl – P Lulay
POR: 3B Trevino – C Garcia – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – RF Pinkerton – 2B Brito – SS Maldonado – P Tennis

Eric Martins took part in another 2-run homer, this time as the one going yard. After a Stedham error put Thomson on base in the top 2nd, Martins took Tennis outta rightfield for a 2-0 Knights lead. Jose Brito hit a sac fly in the bottom of the inning after Fowler and Pinkerton, the wicked pair, reached the corners, but that was all the Coons did the first time through. Kilgallen hit a leadoff single in the third, then was thrown out trying to steal at 1-2 while Simmons struck out. Just leave it to Martins! The catcher collected Thomson once more for a 2-run homer in the fourth inning, extending the Knights’ lead to 4-1. Kilgallen was back on base in the fifth, stole second, and scored after singles by both Pincus and LeClerc. Tennis kept getting taken apart, and that included kind support by his own stupid team. He walked Martins to begin the sixth, allowed a single to Chris Maneke, and after Mike Dahl popped out and things looked a wee bit up, Fernando Garcia fired away Lulay’s bunt for a 2-base throwing error. That was the end for Tennis, who was replaced by Citriniti with runners in scoring position and one out in a 6-1 ****show. Kilgallen struck out against the right-hander, and Simmons grounded to Trevino at third base, who, also, fired a ball uncatchable past Stedham for a 2-base throwing error, this one good for two runs.

Booze. I need … booze.

This wasn’t even the last error in the inning. When Pincus singled to right, Simmons made a bid for home plate. Pinkerton’s throw went past Garcia, allowing another run across and Pincus to second. Citriniti nailed LeClerc at 0-2, allowed an RBI single to Thomson, and finally had Maldonado make a ****ing play on Martins’ grounder. Five hits and three errors later, the Knights had doubled their tally to 10-1, while the Raccoons had twice as many errors (4) in the game as they had hits and runs combined. The damn Coons scored meaningless runs in the bottom 7th on a Fowler homer and a Maldonado double to right that chased home Brito. Preston Pinkerton pitched the last two innings (…), allowing only one more run to the Knights, and struck out ****ing Matt Kilgallen to end the ninth with a guy on base. 11-3 Knights. Fowler 2-3, BB, HR, RBI; Brito 1-2, BB, RBI;

Next roster move then, with Gene Tennis (1-2, 3.55 ERA) back to AAA after adding almost a full run to his ERA, with Francisco Pena being recalled to work on his 18.00 ERA …

Game 4
ATL: 2B Kilgallen – CF J. Simmons – RF Pincus – 1B LeClerc – C Horner – 3B Maneke – SS Thomson – LF Dahl – P Santry
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – C Morales – 2B Brito – 1B Stedham – P Chavez

First blood was drawn by the Critters, who saw Cosmo single, steal second, and score on a Fernandez double before I could even begin to dip into my snack bowl with razor blades. Fowler and Hooge made calm outs to leave Manny on second base. The score remained 1-0 through the early innings, with the first hit the Raccoons took being an injury suffered by Dave Myers on a throw to first base. LeClerc was out on the grounder, but so was Myers, who was removed after some lackluster on-field treatment by an annoyed Dr. Chung to get his core checked out. Nickas entered as replacement at short, with Cosmo shifting to third base. Without the emotional support by Myers, Bernie right away gave up a home run to Adam Horner, and the game was tied… Ed Hooge would counter with a solo shot of his own in the bottom 4th, 2-1 Critters, before Nickas mishandled his first chance in the fifth, putting Dahl aboard with nobody out, but at least started the double play on Kilgallen to clean up later on.

Bernie still gave up another homer to Pincus in the sixth, tying the game again. The bottom of the inning saw Fowler squeak out a 1-out walk, and Hooge singled up the middle. Tony Morales delivered … a double play grounder, and the inning was over. 105 pitches got Bernie through seven, with the wannabe rally to give him a W after all beginning with a Pincus error that placed Brito on first to begin the bottom 7th. Stedham’s fly to right was not deep enough and caught, and then the Raccoons found another catcher to hit into an inning-ending double play, Garcia, 6-4-3. Pena had a scoreless eighth, give or take a Pincus drive to the fence in right that Manny caught. Pena allowed a leadoff double to LeClerc in the ninth, then yielded for Soung, who faced three right-handed pinch-hitters and retired all of them without allowing the runner to advance. That meant the Coons could still walk off with a single marker on the board, for which they’d have to conquer left-handed Roland Warner with his 1.47 ERA. Hooge, Morales, and Brito went out in order. Soung was still unharmed in the 10th, with a new left-hander, Robbie Peel (0.90 ERA…) taking over in the bottom 10th. Stedham flew out, Maldonado grounded out, and then Cosmo singled. Nickas in the #2 hole was annoying, but dropped in a single behind Ted Schlegelmilch at short, moving Trevino to second base for Manny, who hit a soft liner up the rigthfield line and that dropped in, too. Trevino around, the throw was not in time, and the Raccoons walked off for a series split. 3-2 Blighters. Trevino 2-5; Nickas 1-2, BB; M. Fernandez 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Hooge 2-4, HR, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K and 1-2; Soung 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K, W (2-3);

Raccoons (40-38) @ Indians (44-33) – July 2-5, 2037

The Indians had a 6-1 grip on the Raccoons this year, which was not a splendid starting point for this extended weekend set. Indy was fifth in runs scored, eighth in runs allowed, by no means unbeatable, but, well, these Raccoons…

Projected matchups:
Bryce Sparkes (6-2, 2.90 ERA) vs. Manuel Herrera (0-2, 6.35 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-3, 4.37 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (8-5, 3.64 ERA)
Josh Weeks (6-6, 4.06 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (4-5, 5.71 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (5-6, 3.30 ERA) vs. Jeff Horton (0-0)

Terwilliger was the only left-hander to expect in this series. Horton was a 38-year-old veteran from the AAA reserves who had a 22-44 career record with a 4.87 ERA in 204 games (77 starts), mostly in the Federal League.

Dave Myers had a rather mild abdominal strain and would sit out the first game in Indy, but we didn’t think it would be fatal in the end…

Game 1
POR: 3B Trevino – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – 2B Brito – SS Maldonado – P Sparkes
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – RF Leftwich – 3B Hutson – 1B Caraballo – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – SS D. Serrato – P M. Herrera

Cosmo singled, stole his 22nd base, and scored when Ed Hooge buried a ball in centerfield for a triple in the first inning. Hooge also came home on a Fowler groundout; Fernandez had grounded out to first in a play that would have been too dicey to send Hooge. Fowler was on base again in the fourth, hitting a 1-out single after a phase of offensive inactivity for the Critters, then scored on a Stedham homer to right. Sparkes had the Arrowheads under control in the first five innings, allowing only two base hits, but then gave up a single to Herrera to begin the bottom 6th. Elliott Thompson and Dan Schneller both popped out, but Jeremy Leftwich singled, and with two outs Dan Hutson hit a high fly to deep right – but the ball came down in Fernandez’ glove on the warning track …!

Sparkes got two more outs before Josh Garbinski and Dave Serrato singled off him in the seventh. With left-hander Oscar Mendoza and his .173 bat hitting for Herrera at that point, the Raccoons sent David Fernandez, who secured a strikeout to get out of the inning, and pitched all of the eighth, too. The Coons’ half of the eighth saw Manny Fernandez and Fowler reach base on a double and a walk, respectively, but that was with two outs and Stedham couldn’t get the ball past Serrato. Chris Wise would finish the deal with a 1-2-3 ninth inning. 4-0 Raccoons. M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B; Sparkes 6.2 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (7-2);

With this win, the gap to first dropped under five games for the first time in almost two weeks. Not that we’ve recovered… maybe the damn Elks are getting softer.

Berto came off the DL by Friday, which sent Brito back to St. Petersburg after hitting .167 with 2 RBI in 24 attempts. He made good contact a few times, and we will surely see more of him by September.

Unless he breaks a leg or two, you know…

Game 2
POR: 3B Myers – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Garcia – 2B Vickers – RF Pinkerton – P Sabre
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – 3B Hutson – 1B Caraballo – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – RF O. Mendoza – SS D. Serrato – P Terwilliger

After Terwilliger retired the first two Raccoons of the game, Manny slapped a single to center and Fowler hit a jack to right as if the 0-for-31 had never happened. What’s more, Stedham reached, Garcia got nailed, and Rich Vickers hit an RBI single, although Garcia was thrown out at third base in the process. Nevertheless, Sabre was up 3-0 on the Indians before he took the baseball. Sabre allowed two singles in the first inning, then nothing until Josh Garbinski hit a leadoff jack in the fifth. And then Mendoza walked, Serrato ripped an RBI double (and apparently something in his leg, requiring pinch-running services from Dustin Acor), and the tying run would score on a Thompson single, because OF COURSE the Raccoons hadn’t done anything since going up 3-0 in the first…

Maldonado, pinch-hitting for Sabre in the seventh, and Myers would hit 2-out singles for a vague appearance of brown-clad offense, but Ramos got rung up by Terwilliger, ending that inning. The eighth again only saw the Coons reach base with two outs and in form of a Stedham-drawn walk, but Garcia flew out to left. The bottom of the order was retired entirely sparkless in the ninth inning, with Chris Wise being tasked with holding on to the tie. Garbinski hit a single in the inning, but that was all, and the Raccoons got to play extras again, starting with the top of the order against Tim Thweatt, who also retired them in order. Portland was on base again in the 11th against Alan Mays, and again with two outs. Garcia singled, Vickers singled, after which a still-available Enrique Trevino hit for Pinkerton, but grounded out to first baseman Brett Rempfer, which also led to Steve Nickas playing a corner outfield position in the bottom 11th with Pena on the mound. Dan Hutson dropped in a leadoff single, and then Rempfer chased Nickas back, but he made the catch. Fowler didn’t make the catch with two outs, though, when Garbinski hit a fly to center. That ball fell for a double, Hutson went on contact, and scored to end the game with no throw ever arriving at home plate. 4-3 Indians. Fowler 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Vickers 2-5, RBI; Maldonado (PH) 1-1; Wise 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

I don’t know. They just suck. Maybe that’s the problem. They’re natural born suckers.

Dave Serrato (.254, 1 HR, 20 RBI) had it worse, though, being ruled out for the rest of the year with several torn ligaments in his knee.

In turn the Indians acquired SP Justin Kaiser (0-4, 3.74 ERA) from the Rebels. He had made 15 starts with THAT ERA and had not won any of it?? Richmond received #19 prospect SP Kyle Conner. Kaiser would not figure in this series, though, having pitched on Friday.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – P Weeks
IND: 1B Rempfer – 2B Schneller – 3B Hutson – CF Baron – LF Acor – RF Garbinski – SS DiGiacomo – C E. Thompson – P Nora

Cosmo reached on a Rempfer error, stole second, and came home on Fowler’s single for some early, unearned offense, while in the second inning Berto walked, stole his first base since coming off the DL, and then was singled home in earned fashion by Tony Morales, 2-0! And then Weeks, who had walked a pair in the bottom 1st, bunted into a double play. At least Fowler had found his stroke again – with Manny on base with a 2-out single in the third inning, Fowler unpacked another homer to dead center, extending the lead to 4-0. He was now 8-for-18 with four bombs and Player of the Week material *directly* after going shucks-for-31. Baseball, huh!?

Weeks then tossed comeback baseball for Indianapolis, allowing a leadoff single to Nora, walked Rempfer, and got bombed by Dan Schneller to narrow the gap to 4-3 in the same ****ing inning. Can’t have nice things on this team, EVER!! Although – Berto walked in the top 4th, and Tony Morales crashed a ball over the fence, 6-3. (wets a claw in his snout and holds it into the wind) Yes, it was blowing out. Rempfer would demonstrate this again with a monstrous solo homer in the bottom of the fifth, inching closer to 6-4 again.

The Critters dragged Weeks, who walked five and was no pleasure to watch, through six innings with that score before his spot was up leading off the seventh against ravaged (6.75 ERA) southpaw Jacob Poirier. Maldonado flared a single to center, but the 1-2-3 batters went down in order, and then the Raccoons had to find nine outs from the pen. Here we got quirky with the lineup. Maldonado replaced Stedham at first, while Prieto would pitch in relief in the #6 hole to clear the right-handed top of the lineup, which he did. When Ed Hooge hit a single in the eighth, Prieto was retained and bunted him to second base. The Indians countered with an intentional walk to Berto, then got burned by the next lefty bat in line as Tony Morales shoved an RBI single through the right side, 7-4. Poirier walked Maldonado to fill the bases, Trevino hit an RBI single to Garbinski’s feet, and J.J. Ringland replaced Poirier to not have the game slip away completely, and struck out Myers to end the inning. Then Prieto allowed Baron and Acor on base, which had definitely NOT been in the plan… Garavito came in, got a double play grounder from Garbinski, and Joe DiGiacomo popped out in his season debut, stranding John Baron on third base. So far, so well. Bottom 9th, David Fernandez on – and Elliott Thompson hit a jack to right immediately. Jeremy Bainer walked. Brent Rempfer singled. Yeom Soung replaced Fernandez with the tying run at the plate and nobody out. Schneller, just named Hitter of the Month again, popped out, and then Hutson bounced a ball to Trevino at second. Flip to Berto, toss to first – ballgame…!! 8-5 Raccoons! Fowler 3-5, HR, 3 RBI; Ramos 1-1, 3 BB; Morales 3-4, HR, 4 RBI; Maldonado (PH) 1-1, BB;

A Sunday win would mean the first winning week since… uh…..

The Indians carted up a different right-handed FL veteran that had seen better days, replacing Horton with 34-year-old Chris Pyles, who also had pitched in AAA so far this season, and was 32-59 with a 4.98 ERA for his career, appearing 260 games (120 starts).

Game 4
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – P Ottinger
IND: LF Garbinski – 2B Schneller – RF Leftwich – 3B Hutson – 1B Caraballo – CF Baron – C Sigala – SS DiGiacomo – P Pyles

After the first cloud of dust settled, Pyles’ season ERA was 135, with the Raccoons having banged out four singles from their first five batters – Fowler plating two more runs! – before Jesse Stedham smashed a ball over the fence for a 5-0 lead. Berto walked, stole second base, and was singled in by Tony Morales before the inning finally fizzled out after six runs on six hits. Attention now shifted to how Jared Ottinger and the Gang would blow that lead. By the looks of it, at least Indians management had already surrendered the game, leaving Pyles in after Fernandez and Fowler singled in the second (although that inning led nowhere), and even when he walked Berto and Morales to begin the third. Ottinger got them over, Berto was balked in, and Trevino cashed Morales with a sac fly, 8-0. THAT was the final straw and Pyles was yanked after a shambles performance.

While Ottinger ran a few long counts early, the Indians had only one actual base hit in the first four innings. By the time they took the sticks in the fifth, the Raccoons had already emptied the bench, tempting the baseball gods by replacing Fowler, Fernandez, and Berto with – in order – Maldonado, Pinkerton, and Nickas. Only Vickers and Garcia remained on the bench. The Indians promptly got a leadoff single from Jairo Sigala, but the inning ended with a double play hit into by Cesar Castillo, the left-hander on mop-up duty. Indy would however reach the board in the sixth; Garbinski hit a leadoff jack, Ottie hit Schneller, and that run came around on a sac fly eventually, but the Coons were still up by six. – My, are those sweat spots under my arm pits?

Garbinski drove in another run with two outs in the seventh, knocking out Ottinger for good. Wise got a groundout from Schneller, his only contribution before being pinch-hit for to begin the eighth. Vickers struck out as the Coons went 1-2-3 against Poirier. David Fernandez and Citriniti combined for a scoreless bottom 8th, and Citriniti would also be tasked with the ninth inning, but got a bigger lead when Pinkerton opened the ninth with a single, stole second, and was maneuvered to third base by the time there were two outs. The Indians walked Stedham intentionally, which was a defensible move given that Nickas was next, but Nickas singled to center to plate Pinkerton. The Indians then went in order. 9-3 Critters. Pinkerton 2-2; Fowler 2-3, 2 RBI; Ramos 0-1, 2 BB; Nickas 1-1, BB, RBI;

In other news

June 30 – SAC CF Mark Vermillion (.284, 2 HR, 13 RBI) is traded to the Miners for two prospects.
June 30 – The Titans beat the Bayhawks with a ninth-inning walkoff, 1-0, the only run of the game resulting from SFB MR Matt Diduch (0-3, 3.58 ERA, 1 SV) walking Boston’s Willie Vega (.208, 7 HR, 24 RBI) with the bases loaded.
July 3 – The Bayhawks take both games of a double-header against the Condors, 4-3 and 1-0, the latter inning being one solely on a home run by OF Edgardo Balderrama (.309, 6 HR, 40 RBI).
July 3 – The Wolves pick up SP Jose Alaniz (6-5, 4.19 ERA) from the Buffaloes in exchange for two prospects.
July 4 – PIT OF/2B Chris Russell (.314, 5 HR, 52 RBI) has put together a 20-game hitting streak with a double in the Miners’ 6-4 win over the Capitals.
July 4 – Washington’s 2B/SS Keith Spataro (.310, 4 HR, 31 RBI) was out for the season with a torn back muscle.
July 4 – The Titans acquire catcher Matt Dear (.167, 3 HR, 7 RBI) from the Crusaders for 2B Tony Lira (.196, 1 HR, 6 RBI) and #22 prospect SP John Steuer.
July 4 – NYC 1B Kumanosuke Henderson (.272, 9 HR, 40 RBI) has three hits in the Crusaders’ 8-7 walkoff win over the Loggers, none more important than the actual walkoff single in the bottom of the 15th inning.
July 5 – The hitting streak of Pittsburgh’s Chris Russell (.310, 5 HR, 52 RBI) already ends with a hitless appearance in a 5-4 win over the Capitals.
July 5 – Cyclones RF/LF Juan Brito (.325, 3 HR, 34 RBI) pumps out five hits, three doubles, and drives in three runs in a 13-2 rush of the Buffaloes.

FL Player of the Week: SFW LF/1B/RF Melvin Hernandez (.310, 12 HR, 45 RBI) hitting .480 (12-25) with 3 HR, 9 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.340, 8 HR, 51 RBI) hitting .533 (16-30) with 5 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: PIT 1B Danny Santillano (.320, 12 HR, 54 RBI) went .326 with 4 HR, 24 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: IND 2B Dan Schneller (.357, 16 HR, 46 RBI) hurt pitchers at a .426 clip with 8 HR, 23 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: SAC SP Tommy Kubik (6-5, 3.05 ERA) threw 5-0 with a 1.07 ERA
CL Pitcher of the Month: LVA SP Bill Quintero (9-4, 2.24 ERA) posted 4-0 with a 2.02 ERA
FL Rookie of the Month: CIN RF/LF Juan Brito (.320, 3 HR, 30 RBI) hitting .395 with 1 HR, 14 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: MIL OF/INF Joseph Ronan (.252, 1 HR, 19 RBI) batted .279 with 1 HR, 13 RBI

Complaints and stuff

**** the Condors, just the entire organization. Justin Fowler ****ing hit .440 (11-25) with 4 HR and 11 RBI this week. He should OBVIOUSLY be Player of the Week!! (bangs both fists on table while showing teeth and hissing)

Oh well. Bright sides. We went 5-3. Fowler still knows how to bat. Nobody broke their little neck.

The division is still wide open at this point, and if we can play somewhat orderly from here on out we’re still fat in the next. For example, the Crusaders got washed into first place with an Elks meltdown this week, and we will play them four-and-four this week and next. In between, bad enough, the Titans, and, well, the All Star Game.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have never posted a losing record against the Indians after beating them for at least 12 wins the year before.

We won 12 last year, and even after this series, it’s only a 4-7 record now…

[Westheim]

Raccoons (43-39) @ Crusaders (47-36) – July 6-9, 2037

Just a little reminder – the Crusaders had finished bottoms in the CL North last season. Come this July, they topped the division, and had a +37 run differential as their claim for not being total frauds. They were however just barely better than average in both runs scored and runs allowed. They didn’t rank in the top four in any major category in the CL except for fourth in defensive efficiency, but they also didn’t rank in the bottom four in any major category. An all-round crummy team, leading the division? What does that make the fourth-place Raccoons?? The season series was even at two.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (6-5, 3.17 ERA) vs. Ignacio del Rio (10-4, 2.56 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (7-2, 2.71 ERA) vs. Jeff Turi (7-5, 4.07 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-3, 4.38 ERA) vs. Tony Fuentes (2-6, 4.16 ERA)
Josh Weeks (7-6, 4.17 ERA) vs. Geoff Whitehouse (8-3, 3.04 ERA)

All right-handers on offer here!

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Garcia – P Chavez
NYC: 2B Lira – RF Botzet – C D. Phillips – 1B K. Henderson – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – CF Stephenson – SS Putz – P del Rio

To begin the second inning, a walk drawn by Ed Hooge and a Jesse Stedham double put runners in scoring position with nobody out, and Berto (groundout) and Garcia (single) gave the Critters a 2-0 lead in the duel of two of the three former golden boys that had been supposed to pitch Portland to a championship. Neither one of them had a ring so far, and del Rio walked five in the first four innings in a bid to lose the opener. Stedham hit another double in the fourth, scored on Berto’s single, but the Crusaders came back in the bottom of the inning. Aaron Botzet opened with an infield single, was doubled up by Devin Phillips, but Bernie, who lacked stuff almost completely, walked Kumanosuke Henderson before giving up a 2-run homer to Graciano Salto, narrowing the lead to 3-2.

Things remained dicey, but Berto opened the sixth inning with a double and would come in to score on Trevino’s sac fly. That Cosmo could hit a sacrifice at all was to be blamed on del Rio, who hit Bernie Chavez with a pitch to bring up Trevino with one out rather than two. The Critters produced another Botzet infield single in the bottom 6th, but AGAIN Phillips hit into the double play, this time inning-ending. Bernie didn’t allow another runner until there were two outs in the bottom 8th, when Andy Montes hit for reliever Todd Lush, and he was a .290 lefty and Bernie was at 101 pitches. The most well-rested of all Raccoons left-handers, Yeom Soung was sent out for a 4-out save, but allowed a single to Montes before Tony Lira could ground out instead. In the ninth, Phillips hit a 1-out double in a desperate bid for forgiveness, and Soung walked Henderson onto the open base. Salto tried to win the game for sure – you could see it in his eyeballs – but struck out, leaving Greg Ortiz at the plate. He grounded to short, Steve Nickas tossed the ball the short way to Cosmo, and the game was over. 4-2 Raccoons. Stedham 2-4, 2 2B; Ramos 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (7-5);

The offensive shambles was masked well enough by some timely hitting at the bottom of the order. Including Chavez, the 6-7-8 batters went 5-for11. The first five in the lineup went all of 0-for-17. Fowler and Hooge drew two walks each. Cosmo drew one. They were so bad that Manny Fernandez could go 0-for-5 and still stranded only one runner the entire game.

Oh well. It’s a win.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Morales – 3B Maldonado – P Sparkes
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – C D. Phillips – 1B K. Henderson – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B Lira – SS Tello – P Turi

Berto, Manny, and Fowler all hit soft singles to load the bases in the first, and while I expected nothing else but a 6-4-3 from Ed Hooge, his grounder actually went right over the second base bag for a 2-run single. Stedham and Morales made poor outs after that, but at least the Critters had the lead. Devin Phillips would take half the lead away in the bottom 1st with a solo homer to left, but Justin Fowler hit a ball almost to the same spot, also with nobody on base, when he was back at the plate in the third. The 3-1 score lasted through five innings, with Portland getting only one other hit, and the Crusaders getting none at all, but hitting the ball sharply at times.

The rookie Turi – he had made only three relief appearances the year before – got the Crusaders’ second knock with a single up the middle in the bottom 6th, but Lorenzo Herrera hit into a double play immediately afterwards. Things got interesting the following half-inning, which Stedham opened with a single to right, and after a Tony Morales single and Maldonado drawing a walk in a full count the bags were full with nobody out. There was also a .114 hitter at the plate in Bryce Sparkes, who had thrown only 71 pitches and to reasonable success. While the Raccoons needed offense, they also needed another inning or two from Sparkes, who’d bat for himself and struck out. Cosmo outfoxed the rookie, however, drew a walk that pushed home Stedham, and Berto wasn’t going to get outfoxed by the newcomer, either – and newcomer he’d mean in every sense of the word. Another walk made it 5-1, and while Turi rung up Fernandez, Fowler killed him with a single up the middle that got home another two runs. Hooge flew out to center againt Ying-hua Ou, ending the inning. Sparkes went eight sturdy innings, a Henderson homer in the seventh be damned, and Pena pitched the ninth inning without creating a save opportunity, albeit just barely. 7-2 Coons! Fowler 3-5, HR, 3 RBI; Hooge 2-4, 2 RBI; Stedham 2-4; Sparkes 8.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 6 K, W (8-2);

Pena (9.00 ERA) was then also sent right back to St. Petersburg with Travis Sims rejoining from the DL.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Morales – CF Maldonado – P Sabre
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – C D. Phillips – 1B K. Henderson – LF Salto – 2B Lira – 3B Stephenson – SS Tello – P Whitehouse

Straight hits by the 6-7-8 hitters with two outs gave Portland a 1-0 lead in the second inning, but Sabre grounded out to Ricky Tello to leave two aboard, and was also bleeding base hits himself. Herrera and Botzet had begun with singles in the first, but Phillips made his patent play, a 6-4-3, work once more and Henderson struck out, and in the third Herrera and Botzet were in scoring position with nobody out after a single and double, respectively, but Sabre struck out Phillips and Henderson before Berto remained master of a Salto bouncer up the middle to starve the runners. In the end, New York tied the game in the most stupid of ways, with Sabre nailing Tello in the bottom 4th, then giving up singles to both the opposing pitcher and Herrera with two outs. Top 5th, roles almost reversed, with Sabre hitting a 2-out single off Whitehouse, but with nobody on base. Cosmo singled. Berto walked. And Hooge flew out to Herrera.

With Josh Stephenson on second base and two outs, Firmino Cambra, the old warhorse, pinch-hit for Whitehouse. The Raccoons chose not to yank Sabre despite nine hits being already on the board, and that turned out to be a mistake. Cambra singled to right, the runner scored, and the Raccoons were now bringing up the rear, 2-1. They scratched out another run in the seventh on Garavito, who allowed a single to the only batter he faced, Botzet, with Andy Montes hitting a pinch-hit double off Antonio Prieto to plate the runner. The Raccoons, after falling behind, didn’t even get on base until they were all the way down to their final out when Tony Morales singled up the middle against Eddie Cannon in the ninth inning. Fernando Garcia hit for Maldonado and cracked a single, and Rich Vickers hit for Travis Sims and grounded out to short. 3-1 Crusaders. Myers 2-4; Morales 2-4; Garcia (PH) 1-1;

Game 4
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Garcia – SS Nickas – P Weeks
NYC: CF L. Herrera – 2B Lira – LF Salto – 1B K. Henderson – 3B G. Ortiz – C D. Phillips – RF Stephenson – SS Tello – P T. Fuentes

The Raccoons scored a pair early again with a 2-out rally in the first inning. Manny singled and stole second before the bases filled with walks. Stedham then got two runs home with a ball up the leftfield line before Garcia flew out to Salto. The 3-4-5 got on base *again* in the third inning, and again Manny stole a base before Fowler walked. Ed Hooge reached on an Ortiz error, though. This was also with nobody out, so I expected great things from the lower part of the order. I had to settle for two run-scoring groundouts, but at least those gave Weeks a 4-0 lead.

The fourth brought a new pitcher for the Crusaders on accounts of injury, but Trevino and Myers had just socked Fuentes for a pair of doubles anyway, so it wasn’t like he’d gone much further without the back pain he was apparently in. Ed Hooge hit an RBI triple off Manny Vasquez with two outs to run the tally to 6-0, while Weeks started the game with five scoreless to get the ol’ ERA under four again. Salto’s 2-run bomb in the bottom 6th got him right back to where he had started – in the fours – and also sent the bullpen stirring in a 6-2 game. With Fowler, Garcia, and Nickas on board in the seventh and a left-hander in Todd Lush just brought in with two outs, the Raccoons did hit for Weeks in the top 7th – he was already over 80 pitches, however, unlike Sparkes on Tuesday. Vickers grounded out to short, and it was all for naught.

The Critters got around a Manny Fernandez error behind Citriniti in the bottom 7th, then got another run when Trevino homered off Lush in the eighth. The left-hander looked very much human when not facing Rich Vickers, giving up a long fly to Fernandez that was caught by Herrera in the depths of center, and another long fly to Fowler that was not caught because Salto had to stop at the fence in leftfield and the ball very much didn’t, giving Fowler his 22nd homer of the year. The Coons also got base hits from three different pinch-hitters in a 2-run ninth, including a triple from Preston Pinkerton to finish the game with a double-digit rout. 10-2 Raccoons! Trevino 2-5, HR, 2B, RBI; Ramos (PH) 1-1, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5; Morales (PH) 1-1; Hooge 2-4, BB, 3B, 2B, RBI; Garcia 2-5, RBI; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1, 3B, RBI; Weeks 6.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (8-6);

We scored our runs in five lots of two in this game.

At the same, Indy had swept the damn Elks, which shook up the division quite a bit, with the Arrowheads now out front by two over New York. Us and the damn Elks were both 3 1/2 back. Meanwhile, 8 1/2 back? Yep.

Raccoons (46-40) vs. Titans (41-45) – July 10-12, 2037

Mounting injuries were hampering the Titans after their poor start, and I wondered where I’d recently seen that before.. They came in without Andy Bressner, Mario Gonzalez, Erik David, Moises Avila, just to name a few. Somehow they were still blessed with a top 3 pitching staff – the Raccoons had slid a bit in that category in June and were down to the fourth-fewest runs allowed. Offensively, however, the horror never ended for Boston. They were hitting .236 as a team, the worst in the league, and while they drew a **** ton of walks, it wasn’t enough. They couldn’t hit for power, had no speed, and were tied for the fewest runs in the league, scoring just 3.8 markers a game. And yet, they led the season series, 5-4.

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (6-6, 3.35 ERA) vs. Blake Sciulli (6-1, 2.54 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (7-5, 3.11 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (5-7, 2.97 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (8-2, 2.68 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (5-6, 2.40 ERA)

That’s some low ERA’s. Poor Ottie, coming in with a very good mark of 3.35 and seeing that being the worst mark of all six starters tabbed for the weekend… AND he never got run support either…

Sparkes was likely an All Star, but I didn’t see how we’d get by without him pitching on Sunday. There wasn’t really any room for a spot starter to come up right now.

Game 1
BOS: SS Gil – 1B Uliasz – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – C J. Herrera – 3B B. Moore – CF Olszewski – 2B Hansen – P Sciulli
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF Hooge – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – RF Pinkerton – P Ottinger

While Ottinger was immediately crowded by the league’s worst offense, and the Raccoons looked puzzled against the red-headed stepchild Sciulli, I had Nick Valdes on my bacon, who had come by with new brilliant ideas to put more people in the seats. No, Nick, we won’t have nude beauty contests before the first game. – No, Nick, for neither sex. – And look what you’ve done, you made Ottie nervous, and now he gave up a walk, a double, another walk, a wild pitch, and somehow that was only for one run…!

That was in the second, while in the third the Titans loaded the bases with singles by Justin Uliasz, Ivan, and Willie Vega, AND nobody out. Juan Herrera hit a sac fly, Bill Moore hit an RBI double, and somehow they missed the killing blow once again, with Drew Olszewski popping out, John Hansen being walked intentionally, and Sciulli going down on strikes. But he had the Coons right where he wanted them – down 3-0 and clueless. Also hitless at that point. And then Ottinger led off the bottom 3rd with a single up the middle. Cosmo hit an infield single when Sciulli couldn’t decide which runner to assault with the groundball he found, then threw a wild pitch at 0-2 to Dave Myers, who struck out anyway, and all the Critters got was a sac fly by Hooge. Fowler whiffed, too.

Ottinger was yanked with two outs in the fifth with Moore (single) and Olszewski (walk) on base. The Olszewski walk was the fifth for Ottinger in a dismal start; at least Citriniti secured a grounder from John Hansen to end the inning, and then was already batted for in the bottom 5th. Nothing good happened in the bottom 5th, but Hooge hit a leadoff single in the sixth to bring up Fowler as the tying run. His fly to center was caught, and the nobody else got a ball to fall in, either. It was the same **** every time against the Titans – the entire team would forget how to ****ing play the ****ing game. AND Nick Valdes was babbling into my ear…

Runners were on the corners in the bottom 7th after Sciulli walked Pinkerton with one out and Manny Fernandez landed a pinch-hit single from the #9 hole. Willie Vega rushed in on Trevino’s soft liner over Antonio Gil’s head, but the ball dropped in for a single, Pinkerton scored, and now it was 3-2 with the tying run at second base. Should there be a comeback at Raccoons Ballpark? If so, Sciulli wouldn’t see it from the mound; while he struck out Myers (…), Hooge squeezed out a walk. With Fowler to the plate and two outs, the Titans trusted Derek Barker, a righty with a 3.48 ERA, more. The count ran full while I anxiously dug my claws deeper into the desk and Valdes was so nervous he started to gnaw on a cushion. Fowler hit the 3-2 to right, Hansen diving – MISSED IT!! It was through! Single! Manny scores! Cosmo scores! Coons take the lead!! Stedham added an RBI single before Berto flew out to left, but now we had a 5-3 lead to play with. Responsibly, I’d hope. The Raccoons came up with the plan to play the last two innings backwards, with Soung facing mainly left-handed bats in the eighth, while Chris Wise was expected to get right-handed bats in the ninth, if things went well at all. The Warden retired the 7-8-9 bunch in order in the eighth, but stayed on for Antonio Gil, the leadoff man, who was also a left-handed batter – and walked him. Trouble. Wise came in with Matt Dear already announced as pinch-hitter, and would face right-right-left. He also fell to 3-1 against Dear, who then singled, struck out Ivan Vega, but then faced Willie Vega, the lefty, who took bigger and bigger hacks during the at-bat. I turned to Slappy, who was calmly watching with a bottle in hand next to me on the brown couch and buried my striped face in his shoulder, declaring that I couldn’t watch. I thus missed it when Vega hit the 2-2 hard to the right side. Stedham dove, caught the damn ball on the bounce, jumped up like a young stag, fired to Berto for the out on Dear, and Berto then fired the ball back to Stedham hustling back to first base, JUST beating out Vega for a game-ending 3-6-3 double play!! 5-3 Coons! Trevino 3-4, RBI; Hooge 1-2, BB, RBI; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-2; Garavito 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (2-1);

(jumps and dances around the room with Valdes, both screaming like children)

Game 2
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – C J. Herrera – CF Hawthorne – 1B Uliasz – 2B Hansen – P Willett
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – SS Ramos – C Morales – 1B Maldonado – P B. Chavez

The Titans‘ response was to obliterate Bernie Chavez in the first inning, and to be honest, he deserved it for tossing ****ing meatballs, if he found the zone at all. He walked Adam Corder and Willie Vega around a sharp single by Ivan Vega, gave up a 2-run single to Herrera, and finally a 3-run bomb to George Hawthorne – boom, 5-0 deficit in the first. He remained in the game after that, pitched another four innings for only two more base runners, but of course the damage had long been done.

Valdes’ sulking got a bit better when Fernandez and Fowler hit back-to-back jacks in the bottom 1st, but that still made it only a 5-2 game, and the offense didn’t produce much in the following innings, either. When Tony Morales opened the fifth with a double, it was only Portland’s fourth base hit in the game (sadistically beating Boston’s three…), but at least they got the run home on groundouts by Maldonado and Vickers. Fernandez hit a single in the sixth, was stranded, and the Raccoons didn’t get on base at all in the next two innings, while the bullpen pitched their guts out to keep the Titans at least close… at least until the ninth, when it all fell apart with Travis Sims on the mound. It wasn’t even really his faut. Hawthorne reached on an infield single, Uliasz singled on the worst bloop EVER, and he collapsed from there. Garavito couldn’t bail him out, the Titans scored two tack-on runs on a pinch-hit single by Matt Dear, and the offense was axed in order by Wyatt Hamill in the bottom 9th… 7-3 Titans. M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, RBI;

I know, Nick, they lost. I saw it. – I know, they should have scored more runs than the other team. – Yes, Nick, then they would have won.

Sparkes did NOT make the All Star team, so there was no reason to save him for anything. Soung and Prieto were nominated, so we’d try to get by without them (especially Prieto; Soung hadn’t pitched on Saturday). Manny Fernandez was an All Star and thus left out of the lineup, but Fowler, also an All Star, was in there to begin the game.

Game 3
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – C J. Herrera – CF Hawthorne – 1B Uliasz – 2B Hansen – P T. Chavez
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – LF Hooge – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Garcia – RF Maldonado – 2B Vickers – P Sparkes

Don’t lose this game. Don’t lose this game. Don’t lose this game. Don’t lo- I told the boys about 57 times before the game not to lose it. They loaded the bases with one out in the bottom of the first, with Valdes babbling his approval while digging into a bowl of peanuts on the other end of the brown couch. Stedham grounded to short, Fowler was out at second, but the return throw was late, and the Myers scored with the game’s first run. Garcia flew out to right to end the inning, and the lead went bust before long when Tony Chavez singled off Sparkes in the third, Gil walked, and Ivan Vega dropped a 2-out RBI single to Maldonado’s feet. Ramos retired Willie Vega on a fast bouncer to keep the damage to that one run, then opened the bottom of the inning with a soft single to center. Myers hit a double to left, but Vega was on the ball before Berto reached third base and the Critters had to hit the brakes. Hooge’s grounder up the middle was knocked down by Hansen, but Boston had no play and Portland went up again, 2-1. Then came Fowler and hit a statement – 3-run homer over the fence, 5-1 Critters!!

Sparkes then just bluntly told the Titans to bugger off for pretty much all of the middle innings, but was also on 93 pitches after the seventh with the score still 5-1 and the Titans held to three base hits. He got Dear and Gil in the eighth, but Corder doubled to right on his 106th pitch and the Raccoons called it a day for their starter. Chris Wise got a groundout to get out of the inning. While the Coons remained silent in the bottom 8th, Wise allowed a leadoff single to Willie Vega in the ninth, but then got a grounder from Herrera that Ramos and Vickers turned for two. Insisting to be pesky, Hawthorne singled. And Uliasz singled. It was now a save situation, but there was still a right-hander at the plate, with the pitcher in the #9 hole. The Raccoons had David Fernandez and Citriniti warming up, insisting on not using their All Stars to get a 4-run lead through the ninth. Wise assured the coach of his capabilities during a mound conference, all the while Valdes’ paw was stuck in the bowl of peanuts as we eagerly awaited the resolution of the game. Wise and Hansen ran a 2-2 count before Hansen hit a slow roller to Vickers, who had to race in, grab the ball on the run and toss it without stopping – and did it perfectly, beating Hansen by half a step! 5-1 Raccoons! Myers 2-3, BB, 2B; Fowler 1-2, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Sparkes 7.2 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (9-2) and 1-3;

In other news

July 6 – PIT SP Roberto Pruneda (8-5, 3.97 ERA) throws a 1-hit shutout against the Cyclones. CIN 1B Chris Delagrange (.269, 10 HR, 36 RBI) can’t stave off the 6-0 defeat with his lone seventh-inning single.
July 6 – Indianapolis SP Mike Hurley (8-3, 3.02 ERA) 2-hits the Canadiens in a 6-0 win.
July 6 – NAS 2B/SS Billy Bouldin (.396, 1 HR, 49 RBI) goes 5-for-5 with two doubles and 3 RBI in the Blue Sox’ 8-5 win over the Capitals in his bid to reach the .400 mark.

July 7 – Richmond’s C Mitch Cook (.253, 9 HR, 46 RBI) drives in seven runs and SP Jon Pereira (8-5, 3.12 ERA) throws a 5-hit shutout in the Rebels’ 14-0 rout of the Buffos.
July 7 – Bone chips in his elbow rule out NAS SP Josh Irwin (5-4, 3.82 ERA) for the rest of the season.
July 7 – The Loggers get OF Justin Nelson (.243, 3 HR, 30 RBI) from the Aces in exchange for MR Matt May (2-0, 3.10 ERA) and #37 prospect CL Damon DeOrio.
July 8 – ATL SS Keith Thomson (.250, 0 HR, 25 RBI) has four hits and 5 RBI in a 13-3 thrashing the Knights hand to the Falcons.

July 10 – SAC INF Tim “Love Machine” Stackhouse (.272, 9 HR, 21 RBI) stacks three homers on the Wolves in a 13-10 loss. Stackhouse has four hits and drives in five runs in the Scorpions’ first 3-homer game since Sammy Cain did three on the Condors in 2006.
July 10 – VAN OF Jerry Outram (.318, 12 HR, 51 RBI) has a torn meniscus and will be out until August.
July 10 – Old age? 43-year-old SFB RF/LF wonder Pablo Sanchez (.320, 6 HR, 37 RBI) hits the DL with chronic back soreness and is expected to be shut down for a month.
July 10 – In his major league debut, only OF/1B Miguel Castillo (.250, 0 HR, 0 RBI) finds a base hit for San Francisco as CHA SP Lorenzo Campos (6-8, 5.78 ERA) and two relivers throw a combined 1-hitter in a 3-0 win over the Bayhawks.
July 10 – WAS 1B Adam Avakian (.316, 13 HR, 62 RBI) has four hits and five RBI in a 17-3 smashing of the Buffaloes.

July 11 – As the Canadiens beat the Loggers, 9-5 in 10 innings, VAN OF/2B Jesse LeJeune (.319, 6 HR, 38 RBI) hits for a cycle with four hits and just the RBI from the home run. He does however hit for a special cycle, getting home run, triple, double, and single in that order for a reverse-natural cycle, only the third such cycle in league history!
July 11 – The Scorpions will be without LF/RF/1B Carlos Cortes (.264, 2 HR, 29 RBI) for six weeks, with the 26-year-old going on the DL with a strained medial collateral ligament.
July 12 – Richmond’s SP Jon Pereira (9-5, 2.92 ERA) tosses his second 5-hitter of the week, this time shutting out the Cyclones in a 15-0 blowout.
July 12 – LAP SP Andy Jimenes (8-5, 2.86 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout over the Gold Sox. The Pacifics win 4-0.
July 12 – SAC INF/LF/RF Paul Laughren (.316, 1 HR, 17 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak with a sixth-inning single in Sacramento’s 9-8 win over the Wolves.

FL Player of the Week: RIC SP Jon Pereira (9-5, 2.92 ERA) going 2-0 with a 0.00 ERA, 18 IP, 14 K
CL Player of the Week: IND 2B Dan Schneller (.347, 19 HR, 57 RBI), batting .458 (11-24), 2 HR, 8 RBI

Complaints and stuff

**** Jesse LeJeune. (in his rage breaks the specimen for a Dave Myers bobblehead in half)

The Raccoons would send four players to the All Star Game, two outfielders and two relievers. Manny Fernandez and Justin Fowler would be joined by Yeom Soung and Antonio Prieto. Fowler had seen it; this was his ninth All Star Game, more than the other three combined. Manny and Soung both went to their second, while Prieto was a maiden All Star.

It was a busy week for sure, and the Raccoons remained close to the action in the North. We’ll have three days off now, and then the Crusaders are in town, continuing our homestand that will actually stretch all the way to the 26th, with the Loggers and Baybirds also coming to town. We kinda still have a duck to pluck with the Loggers…

In the ongoing July IFA signing period, the Raccoons this week spent $27k on 2B Mario Lapaz from the Dominican Republic. Contact and eye look to be his strong suits, and power and defense very much not so.

Fun Fact: Atlanta’s Jason Clark in 2006 and Dallas’ Jose Avila in 2021 are the only other batters to hit for a reverse-natural cycle. Jesse LeJeune is the first batter to do so on the road.

This is also the first cycle ever for the damn Elks. Only the Caps are still without a cycle after 60 years.

[Westheim]

All Star Game

The Federal League scored early and often in an 8-3 win over the Continental League in the 2037 All Star Game. Dallas’ Hugo Acosta was the unanimous MVP, going 4-for-4 with 3 RBI.

Nashville’s Sean Fowler took the W for one inning of work. The loss was on Boston’s Rich Willett, who conceded three runs and retired nobody.

The CL’s early pitchers were so abjectly horrible and yanked early, that Portland’s Yeom Soung got to pitch 2.1 innings (!!) for one run at the end. We would like to thank the CL manager, Boston’s J.R. Floyd, for this service.

Antonio Prieto pitched a scoreless inning. Manny Fernandez started the game in left, but went 0-for-2, while Justin Fowler started the game in center and was 0-for-4 with an RBI.

Trade

In a major trade the day following the All Star Game, the Raccoons picked up Sacramento’s 26-year-old rightfielder Troy Greenway (.302, 7 HR, 24 RBI), who had been held to 45 games so far this year due to injury, but was a 2-time All Star and a Platinum Stick winner. He hit 21 homers in 397 at-bats in ’36. He was a good defensive rightfielder, was not striking out abundantly, but had no speed to speak of – not that we needed more speed. We needed more RUNS.

The Scorpions received a rich package in the deal, containing MR Chris Wise (1-3, 3.38 ERA, 5 SV), #18 prospect AAA 1B Jeff Wilson, #26 prospect AAA Lazaro Cavazos, and #82 prospect A SP Melvin Lucero.

Lucero was the only one that really hurt here. Wilson was highly ranked, but at 24 couldn’t hit his way out of a ****ing orphanage in St. Petersburg. Cavazos was getting lit up by AAA hitting, and Wise was a piece of the Critters’ pen going all the way back to 2030, was under contract through 2039, but was a) vocally unhappy with his role behind Yeom Soung, and b) had *well* worse numbers this year than ever before. He was walking 4.5/9, up about 50%, and whiffing only 5.3/9, down about 40%. Our Scout guy said his slider had lost bite, and he couldn’t get by on his cutter alone. Yeah, no ****, we’ve seen it!

Greenway came with a contract through 2043 that would pay more than $3M in the last four years, which was something we’d worry about later. Right now we needed the runs.

This was an ALL IN move that could ruin the Critters for years to come. Or win them a ring or two!

The Raccoons optioned a pereptually disappointing Jesus Maldonado to AAA before getting into their first fight with Greenway over his uniform number. He wanted #3, which was Ed Hooge’s, and Hooge wouldn’t buckle. Then he wanted any number ending in 3, but Tony Morales, Cosmo, and David Fernandez were also all hissing. Greenway had to settle for #43.

We’d settle for 43 homers by him in a full season.

Raccoons (48-41) vs. Crusaders (50-40) – July 16-19, 2037

In came the Crusaders, who we now led 5-3 in the season series. This was another battle to the death in the crowded upper corner of the CL North, and the Raccoons couldn’t afford to lose any ground. New York was sixth in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed, and still totally average in almost every aspect.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (7-6, 3.37 ERA) vs. Geoff Whitehouse (9-3, 2.96 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-4, 4.28 ERA) vs. Brian Frain (5-6, 4.12 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (9-2, 2.58 ERA) vs. Jeff Turi (7-7, 4.49 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (6-6, 3.46 ERA) vs. Ignacio del Rio (11-5, 2.77 ERA)



Things got complicated immediately with a rainout on Thursday and a double-header on Friday.

Game 1
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – C R. Phillips – 1B K. Henderson – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B Lira – SS Tello – P Whitehouse
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Morales – P Chavez

The first pitch of the double-header was taken for a triple by Lorenzo Herrera, with the runner scoring on a sac fly by Aaron Botzet. Portland got Berto on base with a single in the bottom 1st, he stole second, but even when Greenway walked and Fowler hit a shallow single to left was still on base – and was left there when Jesse Stedham grounded out to Tony Lira. Manny Fernandez then played a Botzet fly into a 1-out triple in the third. While Ryan Phillips lined out to Trevino, Kumanosuke Henderson hit an RBI single, Bernie walked Graciano Salto, and conceded another run on Greg Ortiz’ single before Lira flew out to centerfield.

With all that damage done already, the Raccoons didn’t reach the board until the fifth when Berto singled home Morales with two outs; Tony had drawn a leadoff walk. Fowler and Myers scratched out another run with a pair of hits in the sixth inning, narrowing the gap to 3-2, but Bernie Chavez was knocked out when Whitehouse doubled (…) off him in the seventh. David Fernandez came on with left-handed Andy Montes pinch-hitting, but allowed an RBI single to Montes and a double to Botzet before being sent back to the dugout to think about what he had done. Exit Fernandez, enter Sims, a K to Phillips, but then four balls to Henderson and ultimately an infield single hit by Graciano Salto for another run before Ortiz grounded out after all. That was a lot of misery, two runs for a 5-2 deficit, and then a Manny Fernandez triple to lead off the bottom 8th. Greenway (K), Fowler (F4), and Stedham (F7) all failed abysmally, the runner was stranded, and the Raccoons cashed a loss. 5-2 Crusaders. Ramos 2-4, RBI; Fowler 2-4; Canfield 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Tyler Canfield was about the best Critter in this game, having been recalled briefly after Wise had been traded. ‘Briefly’ being the key here. He’d been told beforehand to not pack more than three sets of underwear.

Game 2
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – 1B K. Henderson – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B Lira – C Duryea – SS Tello – P Frain
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Garcia – 3B Pinkerton – P Sabre

Cosmo and Manny were on the corners in the bottom 1st, then were stranded thanks to Greenway fouling out and Fowler grounding to Lira. Sabre looked good until a 1-out single by the opposing pitcher in the third inning. Herrera shot another single up the middle, and Trevino bungled Botzet’s potential inning-ender for an error. Sabre fielded Henderson’s comebacker a lot better, turning a 1-6-3 double play to escape from the bases-loaded jam. Portland in turn took the lead on Manny Fernandez’ 14th homer of the season, a solo shot with two outs in the bottom 3rd. Manny then also robbed a Herrera bomb off the top of the fence in the fifth inning, which would have counted for two with Michael Duryea on second base …!

So while at least ONE outfielder was clicking, the Crusaders were still not defeated. Salto legged out another infield single in the sixth (not bad for a 34-year-old) and stole second (ditto), but was stranded by Sabre after all when Henderson grounded out. Greenway logged his first Coons hit the same inning, a 2-out single with nobody on that led exactly nowhere. Sabre nailed Duryea in the seventh, then got a double play grounder from PH Ben Butz to clean up and maintain the 1-0 lead.

Bottom 7th, Stedham reached base against Frain, bringing about a pitching change with nobody out, with righty Michael Zabek coming on. Stedham advanced on Garcia’s grounder, after which the Coons sent Tony Morales to pinch-hit for Pinkerton. Morales had a 10-game hitting streak and wasn’t keen on blowing it, so doubled to center to raise the score to 2-0. On 92 pitches, Sabre was hit for with Ed Hooge, who flew out, but Trevino got a 2-out single into leftfield and Morales started early and scored, 3-0. Berto grounded out. Antonio Prieto pitched the eighth on eight pitches, but Soung walked Henderson to begin the ninth inning. Salto however spanked a ball at Steve Nickas at third base, and the offensively inept infielder showed that he had a glove and started a 5-4-3. Ortiz singled, but finally Lira struck out to end the game. 3-0 Coons. Trevino 2-3, BB, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-4, HR, RBI; Greenway 2-4; Morales (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 6 K, W (5-4);

Greenway’s day: 2-for-7! Now all will be well.

VERY VERY WELL. – SHUT UP CRISTIANO I DON’T WANT TO (sticks fingers in ears) LALALALALALA

Game 3
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – C D. Phillips – 1B K. Henderson – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B Lira – SS Tello – P Turi
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Morales – P Sparkes

After Tony Morales did a boo-boo and hit into a 4-6-3 double play following leadoff singles by Stedham and Myers in the second inning, Bryce Sparkes drove in his own lead with a double to center, scoring Stedham from third base for the first marker on the scoreboard. Trevino matched his feat with a ball hit off the base of the wall in rightfield for another RBI double, Berto hit an RBI single through the right side, and they were on the corners when Manny singled up the middle. Turi, who had lost his last four decisions, faced Greenway, whom he had walked in the first inning, gave up a loud drive to rightfield… but Aaron Botzet caught it near the fence. Almost! And maybe he’ll hit one in my lifetime!

After sparkling for five shutout innings, allowing only two hits, Sparkes came apart in the sixth. Lorenzo Herrera opened with a triple and scored without another Crusader interfering, on a wild pitch. Botzet then singled, but was caught stealing, yet Sparkes walked Kumanosuke Henderson with two outs. Berto had to dive to collect Salto’s sharp grounder up the middle, but it was good enough for the third out; the Coons, however, got the pen going in the 3-1 game, especially with Sparkes’ spot up in the bottom 6th. Rich Vickers whiffed in his spot. Portland got the run back in the next inning when Berto walked, was itching to get going, but was then singled around by Manny and Fowler to score anyway. Greenway lined out to Botzet in between – you could feel him being close to an RBI, and maybe it would still happen this year. Come the eighth and reliever Juan Ponce, Alberto Ramos was on the other end, singling home Myers with a 2-out base hit to left, and sending Preston Pinkerton, who had landed a pinch-hit single, to second base. Manny shoved a single past Ricky Tello to bring around Pinkerton, and thus Greenway got to bat once more with two out and two aboard, but struck out. Top 9th, Tyler Canfield pitched against all experts’ advice. He walked Phillips, but Henderson hit into a double play. Then he loaded the bases with the next three guys anyway. With a 5-run lead in danger, the Raccons sent a replacement righty to face Ricky Tello, Prieto collected a K, and the Raccoons danced off winners. 6-1 Critters. Ramos 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 4-5, RBI; Stedham 2-4; Myers 1-2, BB; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1;

Game 4
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – C D. Phillips – 1B K. Henderson – 3B G. Ortiz – 2B Lira – LF Montes – SS Tello – P del Rio
POR: 3B Myers – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Garcia – 2B Vickers – P Ottinger

Both teams got a triple and run(s) in the second inning. Henderson did the honors early to Ottinger, hitting a leadoff triple, but wasn’t scored until Lira’s sac fly, with Greg Ortiz bouncing a ball back to the pitcher. The Raccoons got Hooge on with one out, then saw Garcia bury the ball in the left-center gap with two outs, reaching third base on a healthy dose of defensive ineptitude out there. Rich Vickers then gave the Coons a 2-1 lead with a hard single through the right side in a vain attempt to close in on the .200 mark. Ottie grounded out to end the inning, then walked Ricky Tello to begin the third. After del Rio bunted, he also walked Herrera, and Botzet hit a single. Three on, one out, Ottie unpacked the stuff, finally, struck out Phillips at 2-2, and also rung up Henderson in a full count!

While Ottie’s pitch count got up there fast, the Crusaders had a tooth broken out of the lineup in the fourth inning, when Lorenzo Herrera hurt his wrist diving for and catching a Hooge fly in shallow center. Josh Stephenson replaced him. It was still a 2-1 game when Vickers opened the bottom 5th with a single to left - .200!! - followed by a bunt thrown away by Phillips for a 2-base error, giving the Raccoons runners in scoring position with nobody out. I reflexively reached for Honeypaws, being used to grim disappointment by this team. I wasn’t disappointed … in a way? Myers lined out to short, Berto grounded out to the pitcher, and Fernandez grounded out to Henderson. Nobody scored. The following inning, Henderson opened with a single, Lira singled, and Andy Montes barfed a ball over the wall to flip the score to 4-2 New York. I rolled into a ball on the brown couch, Honeypaws becoming tripped in my midst.

Despite a run falling out of Travis Sims in the seventh, the Raccoons would get the tying run to the plate in the bottom 8th. Berto reached base leading off, but was forced out on Manny’s grounder. Greenway hit a single, bringing Hooge up as that tying run. The Crusaders stuck to del Rio, probably just to tease us, and when the count ran to 3-1, Hooge poked, probably just to tease us. He hit a grounder to third base that Ortiz had to hustle for and couldn’t get a throw off in time, putting Hooge on with an infield single and bringing up Stedham with three aboard, probably just to tease us. Stedham did his royal best to end the inning with a grounder to Lira, the Crusaders just couldn’t turn it. One run scored, runners were on the corners with two out for Garcia, who singled up the middle to make it 5-4, probably just to tease us. At this point we’d hit for Rich Vickers (Fowler was on the bench), but he was 3-for-3 against the still-not-relieved del Rio, and clearly knew *something* … and then he flew out to Montes. What a tease! David Fernandez and Citriniti held the Crusaders away in the ninth, but the Raccoons still had to make up a run against right-hander Eddie Cannon in the bottom 9th… which they didn’t. 5-4 Crusaders. Hooge 2-4; Garcia 2-4, 3B, 2 RBI; Vickers 3-4, RBI; Nickas 1-1;

In other news

July 15 – The Titans get 2B/LF/SS Ross Sibley (.321, 0 HR, 27 RBI) from the Capitals while shipping 3B Bill Moore (.209, 7 HR, 21 RBI) and #24 prospect SP Victor Acevedo to Washington.
July 16 – 33-year-old middle infielder CIN Alex Majano (.268, 0 HR, 17 RBI) lands three hits in an 11-8 win over the Miners to reach 2,00 career knocks. The 2035 FL batting champ and Gold Glover singles off PIT SP Jonathan Dykstra (7-5, 4.38 ERA) in the fifth inning to reach the milestone.
July 16 – The hitting streak of SAC Paul Laughren (.312, 1 HR, 17 RBI) ends at the All Star Game and 20 games in total. The 25-year-old goes hitless against the Gold Sox.
July 17 – In a 1-0 loss to the Indians, nobody in the Canadiens’ lineup gets a base hit; only pinch-hitting LF/RF Vincent Pacheco (.182, 0 HR, 5 RBI) does. IND SP Justin Kaiser (1-4, 3.25 ERA) and CL Tim Thweatt (8-1, 2.36 ERA, 20 SV) have to settle for a combined 1-hitter.
July 18 – ATL 1B Justin LeClerc (.280, 5 HR, 37 RBI) and ATL 3B Chris Maneke (.266, 7 HR, 52 RBI) both drive in five runs apiece in a 12-1 drumming of the Falcons.
July 18 – CIN OF Ken Gibbs (.270, 8 HR, 32 RBI) will miss three weeks with shoulder soreness.

FL Player of the Week: DEN C Danny Zarate (.293, 13 HR, 63 RBI) batting .632 (12-19) with 2 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: SFB 2B Mario Hurtado (.312, 1 HR, 39 RBI) batting .714 (10-14) with 3 RBI

Complaints and stuff

.200 with nothing – that was the first week of Troy Greenway at his new workplace. Oh well, just like any good ol’ construction worker does it – show up again next week and start shoveling a completely different hole. – Cristiano, that was before machines did literally anything for us. There were people that literally built roads and houses with their own paws. – Speaking of machines, Maud!? – Maud! – Maud, the wipe machine in the restroom is broken again. It’s been very rough to me! – Why would I ask Slappy? – (Slappy toasts with his bottle)

Bryce Sparkes has the best ERA in the majors, beating out even the FL-leading serial winner Phil Harrington of the Wolves, who have a lead in the FL West, but it’s brittling away.

Trevino still leads the steals table in the CL with a paltry 24. That’s not how I imagined the season would go with this roster, thinking of a stolen base per game (it’s way closer to .7 per game), and instead they have more homers, so perhaps I should shut up.

The Raccoons need a reliever now, because none of the myriad of options in AAA have proven being worth their meal money or over any promise if they haven’t been tried yet. There’s Darren Brown lying around down there, uselessly, but he’s walked 79 batters in 121 innings and I’d rather eat glass.

Fun Fact: Troy Greenway was the #3 pick in the 2030 draft.

That was before we got a prime pick and then Manny Fernandez. 2029 was merely a blow for us, not the full meltdown service yet. The Raccoons’ first-round pick in 2030 was Ed Hooge at #16, and he’s hitting .266/.321/.412 in the majors after 1,141 at-bats. Could we have done better? Yes. Could we have done worse? For sure!

[Westheim]

The trade deadline was closing in on the Raccoons, who definitely needed a right-handed reliever from somewhere. Well, what about that one over there?

Trade

The Raccoons traded with the Titans (!) on Monday, acquiring right-handed rental MR Derek Barker (4-1, 3.41 ERA, 1 SV) for nothing more than two AAA toss-offs, 2B Yukitsura Hirai and right-hander Seth Green.

Barker was a 10-year veteran with a 3.61 career ERA that was weighed down by some appalling BABIP years with the Buffaloes when he was in his 20s. Hirai and Green had 32 at-bats and 5.2 innings pitched in the majors, had fared very badly, and were at 26 and 28 years old, respectively, well out of prospect age. Unless Barker would break Berto’s nose by losing a baseball mid-windup, this trade ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT BACKFIRE.

Tyler Canfield was sent back to St. Petersburg to make room for Barker on the roster.

Raccoons (50-43) vs. Loggers (38-54) – July 21-23, 2037

With their new reliever in tow, the Raccoons would welcome the Loggers to hopefully exercise revenge for that extremely bitter 4-game sweep they had suffered in Milwaukee last time around, which had left the Loggers up 6-3 in the season series (!!), and which I could still taste on my tongue. It tasted bitter. I didn’t like it. The Loggers were of course well beaten overall, in last place in the North, and eighth in runs scored and ninth in runs allowed. Last time’s chief torturer, rookie Joseph Ronan, was on the DL with a sore back, so what could go wrong now?

Projected matchups:
Josh Weeks (8-6, 4.11 ERA) vs. Sal Chavez (6-2, 3.56 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (7-7, 3.49 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (6-7, 3.24 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-4, 3.94 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (3-8, 5.26 ERA)

Stockwell was the only southpaw in the bunch. Of course, with the All Star break still fresh on everybody’s rest schedule AND an off day on Monday, they had some wiggle room, just like us, although we sent up our pitchers in order.

Game 1
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 3B Conner – LF J. Nelson – RF Valenzuela – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – 2B V. Acosta – P S. Chavez
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Morales – P Weeks

The Raccoons’ offense started with Cosmo singling, stealing second and scoring on a single by Alberto Ramos, who promptly also stole second, reached third base on Matt Cooper’s throwing error, and then was stranded while Manny lined out, Greenway whiffed (squints!), and – after Fowler walked – Stedham popped out foul. Goody goodness! The Loggers immediately tied the score in the top 2nd with a Justin Nelson double, a Danny Valenzuela single, and a Cooper groundout, but the Raccoons came back swiftly. Berto walked in the bottom 3rd, Fernandez singled, and Greenway shot a single up the middle, plating Berto from second base for a 2-1 lead and for his first Raccoons RBI! (pats Slappy on shoulder) Isn’t life great?? (Slappy toasts, then rubs hurting shoulder) Jesse Stedham would bring in another run with a 2-out single, giving the Coons a 3-1 lead once Myers grounded out to Ted Del Vecchio. Things continued to go south for Sal Chavez, who allowed a leadoff homer to Tony Morales in the fourth, then loaded the bases with the 9-1-2 hitters and nobody out yet. He offered another walk to Manny to force in a run, but whiffed Greenway (squints!!). He also had Justin Fowler at 0-2 before hanging a breaking pitch that was never seen again. GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!

Tony Morales hit a jack off Carlos Padilla to begin the following inning, which seemed strangely déjà vu AND got the Critters into double digits, 10-1. Cosmo and Berto would get to the corners with one out, with Manny bringing in Trevino with a fielder’s choice. Meanwhile Josh Weeks was rather dominant, whiffing nine in seven innings of 3-hit ball before running out of breath. The Loggers never caught footing in any aspect of the game and found themselves swatted around for another 5-spot in the bottom of the seventh inning, with Troy Greenway hitting a 2-out, 2-run double to escalate the inning. Fowler then scored on a throwing error by Victor Acosta, and was himself doubled in by Stedham. A bunch of our better batters were removed after the seventh inning, and Travis Sims gave up a run on two walks and a Del Vecchio single in the eighth inning, but it wasn’t like the Loggers would get back into the game any time soon, although the team sure made an effort in the ninth behind Mauricio Garavito, who pitched *fine* but was undone by Myers and Pinkerton errors that ended up costing two unearned runs. And we still won by a dozen! 16-4 Raccoons! Trevino 3-6, 2B; Ramos 2-2, 3 BB, RBI; Greenway 2-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Stedham 2-5, 2B, RBI; Morales 2-5, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Hooge (PH) 2-2, 2B; Weeks 7.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 K, W (9-6) and 1-3;

They won’t score another run in this series, will they, Honeypaws? – Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Game 2
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 3B Conner – LF J. Nelson – RF Valenzuela – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – 2B Yoshioka – P Piedra
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Morales – P B. Chavez

Indeed, Wednesday game and the Raccoons didn’t get a base hit until the fourth inning, a Greenway single with two outs. Well, that was the no-hitter dealt with, but Fowler flew out easily to leave him on base. At least Bernie was also unscored upon, but was vulnerable with two hits and three walks against him in the first four innings. It didn’t get much better in the next few frames, with Cosmo hitting a single and stealing a base in the sixth, but apart from that he was also largely ignored. Berto was also done after seven, but at least had finished strong and without giving up a run, amounting to only one run and five strikeouts in the last three innings he pitched. He got a no-decision, since Greenway’s leadoff double in the gap in the bottom 7th was followed by a huge pile of nothing.

David Fernandez and Antonio Prieto, who entered in a double switch that removed Justin Fowler for Ed Hooge, kept the Loggers off the board in the eighth inning. Prieto exited in another double switch after allowing Cooper aboard with a 2-out single in the ninth, then bringing on Yeom Soung batting eighth in an entirely new battery. Milwaukee sent right-handed Tyler Prestwood to pinch-hit for Sal Ayala, I squealed, but Prestwood grounded out to third base. The game was still scoreless for the 2-3-4 batters against beleaguered (7.20 ERA) Alex Banderas in the bottom 9th. They did absolutely nothing. Soung had a perfect 10th, with Banderas’ walk to Stedham with one out in the bottom 10th a major development… Myers grounded out, moving the winning run to second base, with Soung being hit for by Rich Vickers, who slapped Banderas’ first pitch up the middle, and Stedham went at once and scored to win this squeaker of a game… 1-0 Blighters. Greenway 2-4, 2B; Vickers (PH) 1-1, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 7 K;

Four hits to yesterday’s seventeen, but as Aunt Ethel always used to say, a win is a win is a win.

But – oh boy!

Game 3
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 3B Conner – LF J. Nelson – RF Valenzuela – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – 2B V. Acosta – P Stockwell
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – C Garcia – 1B Stedham – 2B Vickers – LF Pinkerton – P Sabre

Justin Fowler made it 1-0 a little before the end of the game with his 26th home run of the season in the second inning, but that was largely it early on from the Coons, while Sabre held the Loggers at bay for three innings, then gave up singles to Valenzuela and Cooper, immediately followed by Salvador Ayala’s 3-run homer in the fourth inning.

The Raccoons didn’t threaten with an actual runner in scoring position until the fifth inning, when Rich Vickers, Wednesday’s hero, hit a 1-out double to left against Stockwell. Pinkerton reached on a Del Vecchio error, putting the tying runs on the corners, and Honeypaws, Slappy, and me all agreed that Sabre should be hit for after 93 largely unimpressive pitches. Luckily we had an MVP on the bench in Manny Fernandez, who took Stockwell’s first pitch and slapped it into a double play… Oh man. That one hurt. It also seemed to have been their last squeak, with no offense coming around except for a Myers single in the sixth, but that dissolved in Greenway’s 6-4-3 grounder. Valenzuela upped the score to 4-1 with a homer off Derek Barker in his Raccoons debut in the eighth inning, and the Coons got Rich Vickers on with another double in the bottom of the inning and then made three pathetic outs between Berto, Morales, and Trevino, and didn’t even score THAT runner… They didn’t even reach base in the ninth. 4-1 Loggers. Vickers 2-3, 2 2B; Citriniti 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

What now, Aunt Ethel? What now?

That was another 4-hit effort for the Critters. Not a good sign. And next? A division leader!

Raccoons (52-44) vs. Bayhawks (58-39) – July 24-26, 2037

The Bayhawks had won six games in a row and sat atop the leaderboard not only in the CL South (by 5 1/2 games), but also in runs scored AND runs allowed in the CL. They looked like a really good ballclub! The Raccoons had also six games left with them and of the first three had taken only one as winners.

Projected matchups:
Bryce Sparkes (10-2, 2.53 ERA) vs. Ben Lipsky (10-4, 2.90 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (6-7, 3.60 ERA) vs. Ryan Kinner (4-1, 2.10 ERA)
Josh Weeks (9-6, 3.94 ERA) vs. Lorenzo Viamontes (10-4, 2.90 ERA)

All right-handers, all under three in terms of ERA, and the Raccoons all looked pretty scared.

Game 1
SFB: CF M. Castillo – LF Balderrama – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B McGrath – SS Greer – 3B Deming – C Umanzor – RF Herlitz – P Lipsky
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Morales – P Sparkes

The Raccoons got the leadoff man on in the first, second, and third innings. Berto hit into a double play, Fowler hit into a double play, and Morales grounded to the right side, narrowly past Mario Hurtado’s glove, and sent Dave Myers to third base with nobody out on the single. Sparkes whiffed, but Cosmo dropped a ball behind Marshall Greer for a single and the game’s first run, and Berto hit a roller through between the middle infielders, slow enough for Tony Morales to score from second base, 2-0. Mel Castillo’s throw home was late, but allowed the runners into scoring position, and thus a third run to score on Fernandez’ groundout. Greenway whiffed, ending the third inning up 3-0. Greer countered with a solo home run to left in the fourth, but that marker was clawed back by the Critters in the bottom of the fifth. Morales hit a leadoff single on a 1-2 pitch, was bunted over, advanced on a groundout by Cosmo, Berto walked, and Manny hit a sharp single up the middle to get up 4-1. Greenway, up with two out and two on, grounded out to second base…

So how would Bryce Sparkes handle the pressure? The Bayhawks didn’t get a lot off him; the Greer home run aside, he sprinkled four hits through the first seven innings, walked nobody, and whiffed four, and up by three runs the Raccoons saw no issue to run him back out there for the eighth inning, which started with #8 hitter Matt Herlitz. Promptly the 23-year-old rookie singled to center. Alex Castillo struck out, but Mel Castillo, who we hadn’t known just three hours ago, ripped an RBI double to right, and the Raccoons now actually did go to the bullpen… Prieto struck out both Edgardo Balderrama and Mario Hurtado to end the inning while the Critters still held a 2-run lead. The Coons did nothing of note in the bottom 8th, and when Yeom Soung got the ball in the ninth he got a comebacker from Kevin McGrath, which he mishandled for an error. I whined and reached for the bottle, while Greer struck out. Danny Duenas – who had once been traded with plenty of other personnel for the giant failure that was Noel Ferrero – pinch-hit and popped out, leaving Eduardo Umanzor in the box with two outs. His fly to left had plenty of hangtime, and Manny Fernandez secured it for the W. 4-2 Raccoons. Trevino 3-4, RBI; Morales 2-3; Sparkes 7.1 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, W (11-2);

I sorta knew the week would be chewy after scoring 16 on Tuesday… but at least we’re already up 3-1 and past the damn Elks in the division this week.

Game 2
SFB: CF M. Castillo – LF Balderrama – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B McGrath – SS Greer – 3B Deming – C Umanzor – RF Roybal – P Kinner
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Morales – 3B Nickas – P Ottinger

Ottie struggled, walking two in the first inning, and relying on defense and Mel Castillo being caught stealing otherwise. Morales did him a favor after Castillo’s leadoff single in the third. At that point the Raccoons were 1-0 ahead on a Stedham homer from the bottom 2nd, but Castillo got his revenge the next time up and doubled home the tying run, Victor Roybal, with two outs; Roybal had reached base on Trevino’s throwing error. Balderrama popped out and that was only three runs for the Bayhawks, but the Raccoons only had one base hit outside of the Stedham homer, a Manny Fernandez single that had led nowhere. Ottie hit a 2-out single in the bottom 5th, which was of limited usefulness with nobody on and with Trevino quickly flying out to Balderrama.

Ottie ironically got better as the game progressed. The Bayhawks never got an earned run off him, and he held them to their three base hits until the middle of the eighth. He remained without a W, with Myers, Garcia, and Trevino going down in order against Kinner in the bottom 8th, too. Kinner was only in his fourth major league start, but had been a reliever since the previous summer – if that was what he was capable of on a regular basis, the Raccoons would be glad to have him in the other division… Come the ninth, the Critters sent Derek Barker against the middle of the order, resulting in a K to Hurtado, a McGrath single to center, and then a double play roller from Greer, and leaving the Raccoons needing just one run to walk off against right-hander Jose Moreno with Berto opening the bottom 9th. Ramos squeezed out a walk, and the winning run was on base! He only reached second after Manny popped out, when Greenway walked, too. And the Raccoons still had Justin Fowler on the bench, but they also had more and more left-handed batters lined up to do harm against Moreno, which was a terrible conundrum. Hooge was 0-for-3, but got to bat anyway. He flew out to center; Berto jogged to third base, with Stedham next. Since he had the only RBI for Portland in this game, it wasn’t that bad an idea to let him swing. Moreno fell to 2-0, Stedham hit a liner, and a lunging Hurtado missed it – walkoff single!! 2-1 Coons!! Stedham 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Ottinger 8.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K and 1-2;

For the third time in the last four games, the Raccoons landed only four base hits. Stedham had half of them, and produced pretty much a win on his own. Granted, Ottie pitched fairly well towards the end, too…

Task for the Sunday game: get more than four hits, maybe even more than four runs.

Winning would also be nice.

Game 3
SFB: CF M. Castillo – LF Balderrama – 1B McGrath – C Umanzor – 2B M. Hurtado – 3B Deming – SS A. Castillo – RF Barnes – P Viamontes
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Garcia – 3B Myers – P Weeks

Greenway made it 1-0 on a sac fly in the first; Cosmo opened with a single, stole second, and a throwing error by Umanzor allowed him to third base. Berto was unlucky in lining out to McGrath before Greenway hit the fly to center that got the run across. The lead blossomed the following inning, with Garcia getting on with two outs. Myers ripped an RBI double to right, Weeks hit a soft single to left, and then Cosmo buried a ball in the gap in right-center for a 2-out, 2-run triple, doubling the tally to 4-0. Before Berto could take a hack, a wild pitch promoted Trevino to home plate, 5-0. The Bayhawks didn’t reach base until Viamontes, otherwise unlucky, dropped a blooper between Cosmo and Greenway in the top 3rd, and then was stranded by Mel Castillo. Viamontes never got better on the mound; Greenway drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 3rd, Fowler singled, and after Hooge’s groundout, Stedham ripped a 2-run double.

After Viamontes was chewed up, the Raccoons got to see 37-year-old Kevin Surginer making his season debut. The longtime Coon had signed a contract only the previous week. He retired seven Raccoons in a row before Myers and Weeks hit 2-out knocks in the bottom 6th, but were left on base when Trevino grounded out. At that point the score was 7-1; Sonny Deming had driven in a run off Weeks in the fourth, but the Baybirds had only three base hits at this point, which I, in all fairness, deemed enough. Weeks walked Deming with one out in the seventh, got a grounder from Alex Castillo, but gave up the run on a Jason Barnes single with two gone. It was the first career RBI for the rookie at 28 years old. David Fernandez replaced him to get a pop from PH Danny Duenas, ending the inning. Mel Castillo’s infield single off Fernandez in the eighth gave the Baybirds hope again; Sims replaced the southpaw with a batch of right-handers coming up, and Balderrama hit into a fielder’s choice to keep Fernandez’ ledger clean. McGrath singled, Umanzor hit a sac fly, and when Hurtado walked with two outs, the Raccoons had to reconsider their employment of Travis Sims. Soung entered in a double switch, with Fowler being replaced with Manny Fernandez. Deming was carved up on three pitches, ending the inning right away! It was good that he got rid of the runners right away, because the ninth saw him walk Barnes and give up a pinch-hit bomb to Greer. Fortunately, that still left a 2-run lead, and Soung wardened that off right until the end. 7-5 Raccoons. Trevino 2-4, 3B, 2 RBI; Myers 2-4, 2 2B, RBI; Weeks 6.2 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, W (10-6) and 2-3;

In other news

July 21 – The Rebels are drummed for 20 runs by the Miners, scoring only one marker themselves. All Miners starters have at least one hit and one run, and all but one have an RBI. OF/2B Chris Russell (.318, 6 HR, 65 RBI) goes 4-for-5 with 4 RBI.
July 21 – SFW 2B/SS Mario Colon (.225, 7 HR, 36 RBI) will miss six weeks with shoulder tendinitis.
July 23 – Both ATL 3B Chris Maneke (.272, 7 HR, 56 RBI) and LVA 1B/RF John Marz (.331, 14 HR, 86 RBI) land five base hits each in an 11-10 Aces slugfest. Marz drives in four, Maneke only two.
July 24 – SFW INF/RF Justin Marsingill (.353, 0 HR, 13 RBI) has five hits in the Warriors’ 18-3 blasting of the Capitals.
July 26 – The Knights’ SP Danny Orozco (5-5, 3.64 ERA) 3-hits the Canadiens in a 5-0 shutout.

FL Player of the Week: SFW LF/1B/RF Melvin Hernandez (.315, 15 HR, 59 RBI), who went .452 (14-31) with 1 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: IND 2B Dan Schneller (.352, 23 HR, 67 RBI), batting .455 (10-22) with 4 HR, 10 RBI

Complaints and stuff

…and Dan Schneller didn’t even get to play against the Raccoons!

That was a fine enough week! We scored 31 runs, slightly imbalanced, creating a tense mood ever after Tuesday… But the Raccoons are grinding bits off the leaders, and the damn Elks collapsed this week, dropping far away and into fourth place with a 1-5 performance. Portland is 16-6 in July, which is certainly nothing to sneeze at.

Troy Greenway is hitting .206 with 4 RBI, so, uh… we will… we will continue to monitor that one…

The Raccoons added a second and final July IFA signee this week, bringing in 16-year-old Venezuelan corner guy (I’ll try to be vague here with intent) Nelson Fernandez, a bit of a bat first, glove very much second, player. *Some* power potential, but $215k was definitely on the expensive side for this guy. But then I thought, well, it’s Valdes’ money, and before he buys another armored attack helicopter with it, I’ll get that Venezuelan teen boy instead!

The Raccoons thus spent a total of $242k on the Caribbean connection this year, well below the applicable soft cap.

Next up, a road trip through various CL South towns, beginning with Tijuana and Charlotte next week. Thursday will be off.

Fun Fact: This is the sixth straight year that Kevin Surginer had to wait until the summer to sign a 1-year contract with a major league team.

Stars, Knights, Rebels, Knights again, Warriors, Bayhawks, in that order. That’s after his 1-year deal with the Scorpions in ’31. For a former stalwart in the Raccoons pen, where he made his home from ’23 through ’30, that was a rather sad sight to see. He pitched up to 70 games a year with the Critters. Since leaving town, he’d only made 93 major league appearances across all those years and all those teams.

For his career he was 38-33 with a 3.42 ERA and 11 SV in 596 games. All but one game had been in relief; he had made a spot start for Portland in 2027.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (53-43) @ Condors (46-52) – July 27-29, 2037

The Condors were having a lean year, struggling with their pitching. Their offense was still there, ranking fourth in the CL (Coons: 7th), but they were giving up the second-most runs in the league (Coons: 3rd). George Griffin and Omar Uribe in particular were completely off the rails. They were also smitten with the worst defense in the Continental League, which certainly didn’t make anybody’s task noticeably easier. Nevertheless, they held a 2-1 lead in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (7-7, 3.30 ERA) vs. Omar Uribe (2-14, 6.66 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (5-5, 4.02 ERA) vs. George Griffin (4-7, 5.52 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (11-2, 2.52 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (9-6, 3.12 ERA)

Garcia was the only left-hander on offer. With Ed Blair and Jason Bensinger, two well-known Condors (and for the former, ex-Coon) were stowed away on the DL.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – C Morales – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Chavez
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – RF Willie Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – SS Bunyon – C Howell – 2B Shay – P O. Uribe

Part of Uribe’s considerable pile of issues was walking 90 batters in 101 innings this year, which was completely unsustainable. Berto drew the first walk in this game, but was stranded on base in the first, while Bernie Chavez was rocked for four singles by Alvin Zuazo, Willie Ojeda, Justin Williams, and Donovan Bunyon in the bottom of the first inning, conceding two runs. Raccoons batters showed no patience with Uribe’s antics, striking out four times the first time through, which was completely unacceptable. Trevino drew a 2-out walk in the third, Berto dropped a base hit, but then Fernandez struck out to strand the tying runs.

The next chance came by the way of the skunk weasel at third base. Dave Myers was on first base after a leadoff single in the fifth. Bernie Chavez, who had seen double plays turned behind him to stave off trouble in the previous two bottoms of innings, bunted up the third base line, with Shane Sanks hustling in and throwing the ball ambitiously to second base – and beyond it. Both Critters were safe on the error, bringing up the top of the order. Trevino hit into a fielder’s choice that got Bernie back to the dugout, while Berto drew another walk, his second and only the third off Uribe in the game, bringing up Manny Fernandez with three aboard and two down. Again, the MVP lacked patience, but this time at least poked a ball through between Sanks and Bunyon for a game-tying single. Uribe proceeded to walk Greenway and Fowler, the latter free pass pushing the go-ahead run across, and then Tony Morales still hadn’t heard the sound of drum, poked at the first pitch, and grounded out. Uribe remained around in the sixth, offering a leadoff single to Myers and then a double to Jesse Stedham, putting two Critters in scoring position for, well, Bernie. His grounder went through between Bunyon and Adam Shay, and that was the much maligned defense at work. A run scored, 4-2, before the top of the order poked eagerly and grounded out ****tily three times, managing to strand Stedham on third base.

Thankfully, with Uribe yanked by the seventh, Josh Heckman continued the collapse for Tijuana. Greenway was on base with a leadoff walk and would score on Myer’s 2-out knock. Stedham also knocked a ball – over the fence in center, extending the lead to 7-2. The Coons scored again in the eighth, still against Heckman, with Berto singling, stealing second, reaching third on Nick Howell’s bad throw, and coming home on a sac fly. Bernie Chavez pitched into the eighth inning, but surrendered another run when Chris Murphy hit a triple into the corner in rightfield, followed by Alvin Zuazo’s well-placed RBI groundout. Garavito and Barker finished the pitching for Portland without allowing another base runner. 8-3 Raccoons! Ramos 2-3, 2 BB, 2B; Fowler 2-4, BB, RBI; Myers 3-5, RBI; Stedham 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.2 IP, 9 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (8-7) and 1-3, RBI;

Troy Greenway went 0-for-3 with two walks and three strikeouts, which is the sort of thing that can give you a few concerns. At least he behaved well behind interviewed in the clubhouse, which was more than could be said of me – local news in Tijuana would run 11 seconds of footage of me being asked after the ballgame about Greenway’s lack of hitting since the trade, screaming, and running away, knocking over two clubhouse attendants.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – C Morales – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Sabre
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – RF Willie Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – SS Bunyon – 2B Shay – P Griffin

Sabre faced the minimum the first time through, the only base runner being Chris Murphy with a leadoff single in the first, but he was caught stealing. Also caught stealing was Berto in the top 3rd, an inning that then still saw Manny Fernandez on second base with two outs, and then another strikeout by Troy Green-K. Sabre had already struck out with the bases loaded to end the top 2nd, which was somewhat forgivable; Greenway’s antics weren’t bloody quite.

Ironically, Sabre – after staving off Ojeda’s 2-out triple to center in the bottom 4th – hit a leadoff single in the fifth inning, and on an 0-2 pitch to boot. Trevino walked, which was the sixth free pass issued by Griffin against only two base hits. While his numbers weren’t as grim as Uribe’s, they were still shambolic. The Coons only needed a base knock to finally affect his ERA negatively. Berto’s grounder to second didn’t help, getting Cosmo forced out at second base, but Manny hit a ball between Murphy and Ojeda for a double, plating Sabre for the first run of the game. The Condors opted to walk Greenway intentionally for reasons I could not grasp, then yanked Griffin for right-hander Gabe McGill and his much more reasonable 3.84 ERA. Hooge hit a soft RBI quail to left, Morales rocked a sharp RBI single to right, and Myers flew out to Justin Williams on the first pitch. Greenway went from third base, BOWLED over Jose Flores, and was ruled safe to make it 4-0. Stedham ended the inning with a foul pop to the skunk weasel, who drew a leadoff walk in the bottom of the inning, and before long Bunyon singled and Shay also walked against Sabre. 31-year-old AAA veteran David McNaughton pinch-hit for McGill; he had all of four career homers, popped out to short, and Chris Murphy grounded out to Trevino to end the inning with nobody across. (exhales!)

That feat was soon forgotten with Zuazo’s leadoff single in the bottom 6th. Ojeda hit an RBI triple to right-center, and Williams a homer to right. 4-0 became 4-3, and Raffaello Sabre became Dennis Citriniti, who allowed a single to the ****ing skunk weasel on the first pitch. Flores hit into a double play as the Condors navigated a way out of the inning.

Now, Chris Wise wasn’t here anymore, but the score was still 4-3 in the middle of the eighth, and the Raccoons faced Ojeda and Williams, two lefty batters, again in the bottom 8th. Since Prieto was the new right-handed top dawg, he’d be assigned the ninth inning, with Yeom Soung out for the eighth. He struck out Zuazo, but allowed a single to Ojeda before the Condors ditched Williams entirely, sending righty PH Giacomino Vitalini instead. The Raccoons stuck to their guns – Soung popped out Vitalini, but walked the skunk weasel… Flores grounded out just before things could go *really* south. Top 9th, Ray Andrews pitching for Tijuana. Cosmo opened with a single, stole second, and when Berto walked, they both pulled off a double steal, as the Raccoons went all-out for an insurance run. Manny hit a comebacker that was totally not helping, and Greenway was walked intentionally yet again, filling the bags for Ed Hooge, who whiffed in a full count before Morales grounded out on the first pitch. THIS TEAM. Come the ninth, Prieto struck out PH Nick Howell, then allowed singles to Shay and Chris Strohm, putting the tying and winning runs on the corners… Chris Murphy battle fiercely, but struck out, bringing up Zuazo, and Prieto had to get him because if Ojeda (.333, 9 HR, 60 RBI) came up, all’d be lost. Zuazo took a 1-0 to deep left, Manny hustled back to the warning track, reached for the fence, and – caught the ball feet from oblivion! 4-3 Critters. Myers 0-1, 2 BB;

Hey-hey, Troy Greenway hit a single in this game, getting him back to .200 as a Raccoon!

Infield single, yes, but they all count the same for batting average purposes…

I am trying very hard to drink myself the situation nice, but it doesn’t work.

Game 3
POR: 3B Myers – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – C Garcia – 1B Stedham – 2B Vickers – RF Pinkerton – P Sparkes
TIJ: CF C. Murphy – 1B Zuazo – RF Willie Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – SS Bunyon – 2B Strohm – P J. Garcia

Seven pitches in, the Condors had the bases loaded with nobody outs, courtesy of an uncaught third strike, an infield single, and a single to center off the CL ERA leader Bryce Sparkes. All of the runners scored on a Justin Williams single, a bases-loaded walk to the skunk weasel, who could burn in hell forever for all I cared, and finally Bunyon’s sac fly, putting the Coons in a fast 3-0 hole. Three 2-out singles by the 2-3-4 batters created another run in the second inning, and it turned out that not facing a pushover pitcher potentially also created a problem for the Raccoons, who loaded the bases on their own in the top 2nd, but then Sparkes struck out, and again in the top 3rd, then bringing up Garcia, who had started the first-inning cacophony, with one out. He singled to center to score Berto and Manny, 4-2, but Stedham struck out. Garcia then walked Rich Vickers, which was not a winner’s move, but also brought up Preston Pinkerton and his .169 bat. And Garcia walked him, with the bases loaded, too! Not ready to bat for Sparkes in the third inning, the Raccoons saw three runners stranded on a grounder to Bunyon, but were back to 4-3.

Top 4th, Cosmo and Berto opened with a pair of soft singles to create pressure, and Manny Fernandez grounded to short to relieve it; actually the Condors only got Berto on a fielder’s choice, and runners were still on the corners for Fowler with one down. His fly to right was caught, but deep enough to get the tying run across before the inning fizzled out. Sparkes grinded his way through five innings, remaining in the tie, but the Condors scored on Travis Sims and Mauricio Garavito in the bottom 6th. Bunyon singled off the former, and with two outs Murphy singled off the latter for a 5-4 Condors lead…

Portland was on base in force to begin the seventh, with Josh Heckman back on the mound. Leadoff walk to Garcia, then a Stedham single to right, *and* a Vickers single to left, loading the bases with nobody out for the Raccoons! All they got was Pinkerton’s game-tying sac fly; Greenway pinch-hit and flew out, and Myers grounded out to short… The game was still tied at five, with both teams on 11 hits each, through eight innings, with the Condors bringing out right-handed closer Steve Bailey, who had the weirdest stats, posting a 1.66 ERA while walking almost five batters per nine innings. Stedham, Trevino, and Pinkerton were retired in order. The same wasn’t true for the Condors in the bottom 9th, who got to the corners with Murphy and Ojeda singles off David Fernandez. Williams’ long fly to left was caught by Manny Fernandez on the warning track, but he had no chance to throw out Murphy at home plate, and the Condors walked off. 6-5 Condors. Ramos 2-4, BB; M. Fernandez 2-5; Garcia 3-4, BB, 2 RBI; Barker 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Raccoons (55-44) @ Falcons (40-62) – July 31-August 2, 2037

The Raccoons had this season series in the bag already, having taken five of the first six games from Charlotte. They were in last place in the South, second from the bottom in runs scored, and third from the bottom in runs allowed. There was little to love about their offense or pitching, and I hoped the Raccoons wouldn’t learn new sucking tricks from them…

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (6-7, 3.36 ERA) vs. Lorenzo Campos (6-9, 5.92 ERA)
Josh Weeks (10-6, 3.87 ERA) vs. Bobby LeMoine (6-9, 4.64 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-7, 3.31 ERA) vs. Keith Black (6-14, 4.31 ERA)

Only right-handers coming up here from the Falcons. One of their main offensive threats, Doug Levis (.277, 12 HR, 47 RBI) was on the DL with plantar fascitis, making their lineup even more miserable, although they had scored 15 runs the day before, however, that had been on the Loggers, and the Loggers were just sad.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – C Morales – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Ottinger
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF J. Reyna – LF J. Wallace – C Huichapa – 3B Farfan – SS Depp – 1B Monge – RF C. Robinson – P Campos

YES. FINALLY. Starting the second inning, Troy Greenway got ALL of a Lorenzo Campos breaking ball and hit it over the fence for a 1-0 Raccoons lead. It was his 42nd attempt and his first home run as a Critter. He would however take a backseat to offensive heroics to Ottie in the same inning, with Myers and Stedham reaching base with two outs, and the Ottinger hit a ball over the wall in leftfield for a 3-run homer! It was his 38th at-bat of the season, so he had a higher homer rate for the Brownshirts than the certified slugger…! He also had a 4-0 lead, at least until the next inning when Cosmo hit a double and was scored on groundouts by Manny and Greenway, who thus got a *second* RBI in this game, and now Ottie had a 5-0 lead. His pitching was totally fine, although he had left his stuff at home and let the defense do some of the busywork. Through four, he had only one strikeout, but also had allowed only one base hit in addition to nailing Oscar Aguirre right at the start of his outing. Jose Farfan opened the bottom 5th with a single to right, was forced out on Joe Depp’s comebacker, and a Danny Monge single created a tight spot, but both Chris Robinson and Lorenzo Duarte – hitting for Campos – grounded out easily.

The sixth inning saw the major league debut of 23-year-old Tyler Kenmore, a 2032 fourth-rounder and right-hander, who used his very first pitch to hit Justin Fowler. Tony Morales brought on the punishment with an RBI triple to center. Morales was sent when Myers flew out to right, but was thrown out coming up limp after a few steps – he was removed from the game with Garcia taking over catching duties. Kenmore got stuffed another three runs the following inning, with Berto reaching base, stealing hi 20th base, and scoring on a wild pitch with two outs, but then Manny Fernandez reached and Greenway socked another homer to right. IT HAS AWOKEN!! SAVE YOURSELF! … The Raccoons were safely ahead by then, and Ottie was still handling the ball well enough, even though the Falcons became a bit more present on the bases, sprinkling a total of six singles through eight innings. Ottie entered the ninth on 87 pitches, facing the 5-6-7 batters. Farfan popped out, but Depp doubled to left. Danny Monge flew out to Greenway rather easily, with made limited-action .314 batter Chris Robinson, a left-handed batter, the potentially last batter in the game. Ottie reared back, struck him out, and I could hear the screams of Portland’s assorted kiddos all the way to North Carolina. 9-0 Raccoons! Trevino 3-5, 2 2B; Greenway 2-4, BB, 2 HR, 4 RBI; Garcia 1-1; Stedham 0-1, 3 BB; Ottinger 9.0 IP, 7 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (7-7) and 1-4, HR, 3 RBI;

First career shutout for Ottie, and on just 99 pitches!

There were however also bad news, with Tony Morales having to go to the DL with a strained hamstring. It was only a mild strain, though, and he was not expected to miss much more than two weeks. The Raccoons brought up Jeff Kilmer, who had hit .321 in 27 games in St. Petersburg.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – C Garcia – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Weeks
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF J. Reyna – 1B Monge – C Huichapa – RF L. Duarte – SS Depp – LF Wallace – 3B Farfan – P LeMoine

Now the primary backstop for at least two weeks, Fernando Garcia came up with the bags full and a 1-0 lead in the first inning. Cosmo had singled, stolen second, and scored on Manny’s ground-rule double off a particularly sturdy spot of warning track in right-center. Greenway singled, Fowler walked, and Garcia showed patience to work a bases-loaded walk to make it 2-0. Myers flew to left, where Jimmy pulled a Wallace and played the ball into a 2-run double, 4-0. It had hurt with him in the brown shirt, and it still hurt seeing it now… Stedham whiffed and Weeks popped out to end the top 1st. The Coons tacked on an unearned run in the second, Berto reaching base, stealing second, and going home on Farfan’s throwing error with Manny Fernandez’ grounder. Josh Weeks gave up a homer to Ernesto Huichapa to begin the bottom 2nd, put Lorenzo Duarte on base, too, then left with a mystery injury, causing me to see spots. The Raccoons had to call a bullpen day, putting in Derek Barker to hopefully pitch a few innings.

While Dr. Chung would reluctantly look at the lefty, Manny Fernandez hit a 2-piece in the fourth inning that extended the lead to 7-1 and sent LeMoine home for right-hander Adam Jaggers, so both teams were now sorting through their relievers. The Coons planned to get Barker through the fourth, and then send Travis Sims for a pawful of innings and/or runs. Jaggers wasn’t in the game for long, nailing Greenway with his second pitch. Greenway objected and filed an application to take the righty’s head clean off, but was tackled by Farfan before getting close. Both Jaggers and Greenway were tossed from the game, with the Raccoons putting Pinkerton in while I worryingly judged the growing pile of casualties. Sims would actually toss three scoreless, but the Falcons scratched out a 2-out run on Garavito in the eighth inning. The Critters had been silent for a while at that point, but got the bags full in the ninth with Fowler and Myers walked by Marcos Ochoa, who also gave up a single to Stedham. Nickas had pinch-hit and remained in the #9 hole a good while back, giving Berto a few innings off, and struck out once more, but Rich Vickers drew the 2-out bases-loaded walk when he hit for Garavito at the very top of the lineup, pushing an eighth run across. Cosmo grounded out, but Citriniti closed the book on Charlotte, and the Raccoons had another lop-sided win. 8-2 Critters. Trevino 2-6; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; Myers 2-4, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Barker 2.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (6-1); Sims 3.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Bad news mounting, Troy Greenway was suspended for three games for screaming “I’m gonna take your ****ing head off”. I called Maud in Portland, asking her to call the league office whether he’d gotten more if he’d actually taken Jaggers’ stupid head off.

Josh Weeks meanwhile was diagnosed with shoulder inflammation, and would probably miss the rest of the regular season. So that was another trip to the DL there… Gene Tennis was called up to take the open spot in the rotation.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Trevino – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Kilmer – P Chavez
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF J. Reyna – LF J. Wallace – C Huichapa – 3B Farfan – SS Depp – 1B Monge – RF C. Robinson – P K. Black

Bernie Chavez got socked for four hits and two runs in the bottom 2nd, with Huichapa, Farfan, Depp, and Monge all ripping hard knocks off him before Robinson popped out and Black lined into a 6-U double play, and Wallace and Huichapa hit back-to-back 2-out doubles for another run in the third inning while the offense was so far mute for the Raccoons. Their only scoring opportunity consisted of Hooge and Stedham being on second and first with one out in the fourth inning. Myers singled to left, Hooge was sent for home plate, but was thrown out by none other then Jimmy Wallace. Bernie allowed another run after giving up a screaming double to Aguirre in the bottom 5th, falling behind 4-0. Portland only made the board in the sixth on Ed Hooge’s solo homer, but Bernie Chavez gave up another 2-out RBI double to Monge, scoring Huichapa, in the bottom of the inning, then was yanked after a rotten start in which he allowed nine hits and struck out ONE batter.

The Coons TRIED to cover up for his misfortunes; Cosmo reached base again with two outs in the seventh against Black, who then gave up Manny’s 16th bomb of the year, shortening the score to 5-3. Fowler reached on an error, advanced on a balk, but was stranded when Hooge popped out. Ex-Coon Josh Livingston – not that we missed him – walked Stedham and Kilmer in the eighth to put the tying runs aboard with one out. Garcia hit for Prieto in the #9 hole and whiffed, and Berto grounded to Aguirre, being safe only on account of the second baseman having the ball escape under his glove for a bases-filling error, bringing up Cosmo in a fat spot – but his fly to left was no challenge even for Wallace, and those three runners stranded were the last the Critters got in the game. Marcos Ochoa retired the 3-4-5 in order in the ninth. 5-3 Falcons. Trevino 2-4, BB; M. Fernandez 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Hooge 2-5, HR, RBI; Stedham 0-0, 4 BB;

In other news

July 28 – The Indians acquire MR Joe Dishon (6-4, 2.31 ERA, 11 SV) from the Buffaloes, parting with spare LF/CF Roger Strand (4-for-10, 0 HR, 0 RBI), who had spent most of the year in AAA.
July 28 – Falcons RF/CF Jerry Aguilar (.217, 0 HR, 25 RBI) will miss five weeks with a knee sprain.
July 29 – DAL 2B/SS Hugo Acosta (.355, 0 HR, 63 RBI) has hit in 20 straight games, contributing an RBI double in the Stars’ 3-1 win over the Capitals.
July 29 – Shoulder soreness places LAP SP Andy Jimenes (10-5, 3.00 ERA) on the DL, where he will remain for about two weeks.
July 29 – NAS LF/RF Sean Ashley (.282, 11 HR, 58 RBI) will miss about a week with a sore ankle.
July 30 – The Buffaloes pick up Denver’s SP Miguel Alvarado (11-4, 3.27 ERA) for two prospects.
July 30 – The Canadiens have only two base hits in a 1-0 win over the Bayhawks, one of which is a sixth-inning home run by OF/2B Jesse LeJeune (.332, 9 HR, 49 RBI). San Francisco combines for nine hits, none of which get a run home.
July 31 – The Titans grab a 1-0 walkoff win against the Thunder, but pinch-hitting Drew Olszewski (.264, 2 HR, 7 RBI) does not secure the game-winning RBI by drawing a base on balls until the 11th inning.
August 1 – Pacifics and Buffaloes reach a 3-3 tie in the fifth inning and don’t untie it for a 4-3 Pacifics in until the 15th inning.
August 2 – MIL 2B/SS/CF Kenta Yoshioka (.235, 1 HR, 8 RBI) walks off the Loggers with a single in the bottom of the 10th inning for the only run in a 1-0 win over the Knights.

FL Player of the Week: DAL OF/1B Ryan Cassell (.329, 8 HR, 57 RBI) batting .500 (11-22) with 1 HR, 2 RBI
CL Player of the Week: LVA 1B Erik Bonnett (.550, 3 HR, 10 RBI) in his first week in the majors this year

FL Hitter of the Month: WAS 1B Adam Avakian (.318, 17 HR, 76 RBI) hitting .357, 7 HR, 24 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: POR CF Justin Fowler (.241, 26 HR, 78 RBI) batting .316, 8 HR, 26 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: PIT SP Roberto Pruneda (10-6, 3.42 ERA) throwing 3-1, 1.08 ERA
CL Pitcher of the Month: POR SP Bryce Sparkes (11-2, 2.69 ERA) tossing 5-0, 2.21 ERA
FL Rookie of the Month: LAP C Robbie Sailas (.294, 8 HR, 42 RBI) swinging .379, 3 HR, 13 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: SFB OF/1B Mel Castillo (.369, 5 HR, 11 RBI) clubbing .369, 5 HR, 11 RBI

Complaints and stuff

We took two monthly awards to put the lid on a 19-7 month, AND Troy Greenway finally found his stick, so maybe things will be alright at some point. Well, once he gets his .234, 2 HR, 8 RBI Critters bat back in the lineup. For the season he’s still .287 with 9 homers and 32 runs battered in.

Or maybe they won’t. While not much moved in the division at least relative to our little ballclub over here, losing Weeks for the rest of the regular season (give or take a week) is a terrible blow, because Gene Tennis is … I don’t know, he’s terrible in AAA and (so far) serviceable in the majors…? His Alley Cats ERA is over five.

No off day next week, with games in Vegas on the way back home, where we’ll have the damn Elks in. We’ll remain in the neighborhood for three solid weeks, only once dipping down I-5 to see the Wolves.

Fun Fact: 13 years ago today, Vancouver’s Alex Torres hit three home runs in a 6-5 win over the Raccoons.

John Calfee repeated the feat in September, and say, Cristiano, didn’t you find anything else??

Torres’ glory days are over, however, which is not surprising given that he’s 39 years old. His last productive season was 2032, when he hit .238 with 12 homers, and since then it’s been only bit parts with the Elks, Caps (where he won his only ring), Arrowheads, and now Elks again. Not that he wasn’t a force in his prime, leading the league – at different times – in homers, slugging, and stolen bases. He won a Gold Glove, a few Platinum Sticks, and is .257 with 213 HR and 914 RBI for his career. Most impressive are actually his 445 stolen bases, good for 8th all time.

And since we’re on stolen bases, Berto hissing and clawing to keep Cosmo behind him. It’s now 555-553 in their duel for third place all-time, while chasing Guillermo Obando (616 total, 15 this year) and Pablo Sanchez (719 total, 3 this year). Torres aside, the nearest active player is Oscar Mendoza with 405, 13th all time.

[ALB123]

Wow! What an amazing thread. 8 years and still cookin'! That's awesome. I started at the very beginning and then I jumped forward in time to future seasons. You've created a wonderful baseball universe. I do have one question? What version of ootp are you using? Maybe it's just a different skin, but I don't think so at all. I would love to have such a detailed baseball universe documented one of these days.

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by ALB123

Wow! What an amazing thread. 8 years and still cookin'! That's awesome. I started at the very beginning and then I jumped forward in time to future seasons. You've created a wonderful baseball universe. I do have one question? What version of ootp are you using? Maybe it's just a different skin, but I don't think so at all. I would love to have such a detailed baseball universe documented one of these days.

OOTP 16! There's some voices that occasionally remind me that newer versions do in fact exist, but I am absolutely paranoid that something might get fried in a new version, you know, the mojo no longer clicking.

In the end it's all about stubborn insistence that one day it will all work out alright, and those Titans must grow stale at SOME point ...!

Still plenty of motivation left in the tank, besides, I could never have a better team. What's cuter than raccoons and what's nuttier than the people of Portland?

[Westheim]

Raccoons (59-46) @ Aces (54-51) – August 3-5, 2037

The Raccoons would stop over in Vegas on the way home, playing the Aces for three more games to decide a season series currently tied at three. The Aces had the highest batting average and the second-most runs in the league, while struggling with mostly average to mediocre pitching.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (6-5, 4.09 ERA) vs. Matt Huf (4-10, 5.22 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (11-2, 2.69 ERA) vs. Jerry Hodges (5-8, 5.14 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (7-7, 3.12 ERA) vs. Antonio Vega (12-4, 4.01 ERA)

All right-handers in a rotation struck with the loss of Chris Crowell and Mark Roberts. Closer Steve Bass was also out, and ex-Critter Adam Downs was also on the DL. Huf was of course also a former Raccoon, although it almost wasn’t true anymore – he had been traded for Mark Roberts a whopping 14 years ago.

Of course Portland also could not field their best lineup, with Troy Greenway suspended for another two games.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Trevino – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Garcia – P Sabre
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS O’Keefe – 2B Briones – RF Marz – LF Jorgensen – C Kuehn – 3B Toney – 1B Bonnett – P Huf

The Raccoons hit little to nothing the first time through, while Sabre hit Mike Hall for starters, and when that runners was doubled up in the bottom 1st, John Marz opened the second with a shot to left, his 15th homer and 90th RBI on the year. Erik Bonnett opened the bottom 3rd with a double over Fernandez’ head, and the Aces would bring that runner around with the aid of a Myers error. Portland finally woke up in the fourth with back-to-back leadoff doubles by Cosmo and Manny. Fowler singled the tying run to third base, where that tying run dismally died. Ed Hooge struck out, Jesse Stedham hit a comebacker for a fielder’s choice at second base, with Fernandez frozen at third, and Myers grounded out to Mario Briones. I sighed and once more began to regret all my life choices, in chronological order.

When Sabre held the Aces where they were, the 2-3 batters could cause more trouble to tie the game in the sixth inning. Trevino singled to open that inning, stole his 33rd base, and then scored on Manny’s single through between Briones and Bonnett, tying the game at two. Manny stole second and scored on Hooge’s single after a Fowler K, putting the Critters ahead, 3-2. Stedham K’ed, Myers grounded out, the inning ended, and Sabre allowed 2-out singles to Marz and Steve Jorgensen in the bottom of the inning before ringing up Paul Kuehn.

Huf struck out eight Coons in seven innings before yielding for John Landrum, who walked Manny to begin the top 8th. Fowler and Hooge both whiffed before Stedham doubled to left. Manny lost sight of the ball and slowed down at third base, while the Raccoons had Dave Myers draw a walk to load the bases. Fernando Garcia ran a full count with two gone before hitting a ball inches past Landrum’s body and up the middle for a base hit. The ball landed in center for a single, Manny and Stedham scored, Myers went to third base, and the Raccoons sent Rich Vickers to bat for Sabre, and got a sharp RBI single to right, 6-2! Berto struck out against new pitcher Danny O’Reilly, ending the inning, but O’Reilly got shaken for a walk, three singles, and two runs in the ninth inning. Fowler and Myers got the RBI’s while Derek Barker and Travis Sims delivered two scoreless innings at the end to put the contest away. 8-2 Raccoons! Trevino 2-4, BB, 2B; M. Fernandez 4-4, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-5, RBI; Stedham 2-5, 2B; Vickers (PH) 1-1, RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (7-5);

Berto had a wicked 0-for-5 and would get a day off as reward. With few southpaw pitchers coming up right now, Tuesday was as good a spot as any.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Garcia – SS Nickas – P Sparkes
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS O’Keefe – 2B Briones – RF Marz – LF Jorgensen – C Kuehn – 3B Toney – 1B Bonnett – P Hodges

Pitchers’ duel! The Coons had singles by Myers and Manny in the first inning, stranded them, and then did – nothing. Sparkes also allowed only two hits early on, and the game was scoreless and the innings passed quickly, at least through five. Manny singled on Hodges’ first pitch in the sixth inning, but Fowler struck out once again. Hooge lifted a ball to deep left, but into an out, while Hodges then walked Stedham. Garcia grounded out on the first pitch, and that was that… Hodges was lifted after a leadoff walk to Steve Nickas in the seventh inning. Sparkes bunted the potential maiden run to second base against Sean Bastone, with Trevino getting the intentional walk. The Critters took revenge by pulling off a double steal, actually giving Nickas his first career steal in the fourth attempt. Myers lifted a ball to right, Marz caught it, Nickas was sent – and thrown out. The Raccoons remained unwilling to move their hairy bums, and instead Sparkes walked two in the bottom 8th before giving up a 2-out RBI single to Chris O’Keefe. That looked like the dagger for sure…! Vegas sent right-hander Bobby Valencia for the ninth inning, and Stedham slapped a single up the middle to begin the inning. Berto batted for Garcia to stay out of a double play and floated a ball JUST over the glove of Briones, dumping another single. Somethin’ cookin’ …!! Portland asked for a bunt from Nickas, and got it, then batted Vickers for Sparkes, but got a groundout to Mike Toney at third base that got the team nowhere. Cosmo flew out to Jorgensen, and that was the ballgame… 1-0 Aces. M. Fernandez 3-3, BB; Garcia 0-1, 2 BB; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Sparkes 8.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, L (11-3);

(sigh!)

A win in this game would have given the Raccoons first place. But a win requires a run, and a run requires that you sometimes get the ****ing guy at third base home with less than two outs and your stupid bum on the line …!

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Kilmer – P Ottinger
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS O’Keefe – 2B Briones – RF Marz – LF Jorgensen – 3B Toney – C Wiersma – 1B Bonnett – P A. Vega

The Raccoons got a fast start in this game, despite Manny Fernandez striking out in the first inning, the first time in the series the Aces managed to retire him. Berto was on with a single, Greenway also singled on his first appearance back from suspension, and Ed Hooge shot a ball over the wall in right-center for a 3-run homer! Then came Ottinger and was immediately dissected. Mike Hall tripled and scored on O’Keefe’s sac fly, and a Briones single and a Marz homer tied the game. Jorgensen walked, Toney reached on a Trevino error, and the ship was sinking in a hurry. Ken Wiersma, who had terrorized the Raccoons before, hit a go-ahead RBI single up the middle, and another run scored on a wild pitch before the bottom of the order had the inning fizzle out, leaving the Aces up 5-3.

Neither pitcher had all his eggs in the basket, to be honest. Kilmer, Cosmo, and Berto all hit singles in the second, narrowing the gap to 5-4, and Manny walked to load the bases for Greenway, who ripped a 2-1 pitch over the head of Bonnett for a 2-run double up the rightfield line. Vega walked Hooge, then gave up an RBI single to Stedham. One of THOSE games! Portland got another run on a grounder by Myers, and a 2-out RBI single by Kilmer, *finally* knocking out Vega while Ottinger was still in the game and batted for himself against right-hander Israel Mendoza and his 6.94 ERA, walked to fill the bags, but Cosmo’s grounder was finally intercepted by a random infielder to stop a 6-run outburst, 9-5. And Ottie? He retired 1-2-3 in order in the second, hten allowed singles to Marz and Wiersma in the bottom 3rd. Bonnett, a lefty, was up with two outs. A long mound conference followed, and then a strikeout of Bonnett that kept the score at 9-5, *and* Ottinger retired the Aces in order in both the fourth and the fifth AND the sixth innings, so had the first been just one giant blotch after all…?

The Raccoons were relaxing at this point, not doing much in terms of offense throughout the middle innings. While Israel Mendoza pitched five innings for Vegas, Ottie lasted into the seventh, being lifted with one out when Hall singled up the middle. Citriniti came on, walked Briones with two outs, but got out of the inning with no damage done. The Raccoons did add to the tally in the eighth inning; Jamie Klages hit Trevino with a fastball, then paid for it when Greenway fired a homer with two outs, extending the gap to six runs. That turned out to be well enough. Citriniti, Garavito, and Sims combined for the last two innings to take the series for this week and the entire season. 11-5 Coons! Trevino 2-4; Ramos 2-5, RBI; Greenway 3-5, HR, 2B, 4 RBI; Hooge 2-4, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Kilmer 2-5, RBI;

Raccoons (59-46) vs. Canadiens (54-52) – August 6-9, 2037

Alright, **** was getting real. The Raccoons started the series half a game back of the Crusaders in second place and could not afford any slip-ups, especially not of the Northern kind. The damn Elks had a 4-3 lead in the season series, which irked me to begin with, and ranked sixth in both runs scored and runs allowed. They had no injuries, and their strengths were getting on base via hits (second in average in the CL) and homer (3rd), but they had little speed and a terrible defense.

Projected matchups:
Gene Tennis (1-2, 3.55 ERA) vs. Bryce Neal (8-7, 3.62 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-8, 3.49 ERA) vs. Corey Booth (8-7, 3.59 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (7-5, 3.91 ERA) vs. David Arias (7-1, 3.62 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (11-3, 2.61 ERA) vs. Matt Sealock (8-7, 2.83 ERA)

Neal would be the only left-hander we’d get this week, so we had to squeeze in the odd off day here. Stedham would be the only lefty bat not to sit on Thursday that hadn’t already sat for whatever reason earlier in the week.

(exhales deeply) Damn Elks! Oh well. It will be alright.

(calmly puts on protective helmet, fastens seatbelt on chair, puts on welders’ goggles, and dons oven mittens with stitched cat faces on them)

Okay, I’m ready.

Game 1
VAN: 2B Morrow – RF R. Phillips – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B J. Lopez – LF LeJeune – 3B Schneider – SS Cabral – P Neal
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – LF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 2B Vickers – C Garcia – RF Pinkerton – P Tennis

Gene Tennis was all over the place and ran many long counts while allowing a hit and two walks the first time through the order, taking 41 pitches for just two innings, but it was the Raccoons that scored first on a Vickers double and Garcia homer in the second inning, going up 2-0. Jerry Outram drew a full-count walk in the top 3rd, but again the Raccoons did the scoring in the bottom of the inning. Neal allowed a single to Greenway, then another 2-piece to Justin Fowler, his 27th of the year. Neal retired the next two, then served up another bomb to Garcia, who had not homered since the trade prior to this game, and was now adding steadily to his old franchise tally of seven dingers from the 2033 season. Garcia found Stedham and Vickers aboard his next time round in the fifth, narrowly missed another homer and had to settle for an RBI double to left, running the score to 6-0. The inning continued with a walk drawn by Pinkerton, Tennis’ run-scoring groundout that knocked out Neal for good, and then a 2-run single up the middle by Berto, which extended the score to 9-0 and finally ended the game as a contest.

There was still Tennis to be dazzled about, given that he was pitching a 1-hitter alright through five innings, but did so on 83 pitches and four walks, but also six strikeouts. The Elks apparently found him just as hard to watch as I did! He got through six before finally exhausting his pitch count, with Timóteo Clemente singling up the middle, but being doubled up by Johnny Lopez to end the inning. The pen took over and pitched rather competently; David Fernandez, who didn’t pitch in the Aces series and appeared rusty, allowed a run in the ninth after a leadoff double by Clemente. The half-inning before, Greenway had hit a solo shot off Raymond Pearce, so the Critters still won by nine! 10-1 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4, BB, 2 RBI; Greenway 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Fowler 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Stedham 2-4, BB; Vickers 2-5, 2B; Garcia 3-4, 2 HR, 2B, 4 RBI; Tennis 6.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 6 K, W (2-2);

Still without an appearance this week? Yeom Soung AND Antonio Prieto …!!

We had to put at least one of them into the Friday game, and better both.

Game 2
VAN: 2B Morrow – 1B D. James – CF Outram – RF R. Phillips – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – SS Cabral – 3B Schneider – P Booth
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – C Garcia – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – P Chavez

The damn Elks scored first on Friday, with Eric Morrow hitting Bernie’s first pitch off the top of the fence in leftfield. Ryan Phillips singled him home with two outs after Derek James’ lineout and a K to Outram. The damn Elks’ centerfielder caught two hard drives by Critters in the bottom 2nd (Fowler, Myers), spoiling a potential comeback, while James hit a ball over the wall in left in the third to make it a 2-0 game. Derek James was a 26-year-old catcher misfiled at first base and also a rookie, making only his 32nd ABL appearance. This was his first ever home run. He had no trouble getting the ball back, a disgruntled teenage fan tossing it all the way back to Alberto Ramos from his cheap seat out there. – Cristiano, did you see the toss? – We should sign the kid! – I don’t care whether he looks like 15, sign him!!

Bernie Chavez at least singled up the middle on an 0-2 pitch to begin the bottom 3rd, which soon turned into a real chance when Booth walked Cosmo on four pitches. Berto hit into a double play, Manny flew out to left, and all that the Raccoons got was a stale taste in their snouts. Greenway thumped a homer in the bottom 4th, but it was a solo deed, and the only marker the Raccoons left on the board through five. It took another Troy Greenway at-bat to tie the game – with another solo homer, leading off the inning. Alright, Cristiano – I think he’s warmed up to here now! … That was his sixth Portland bomb, and it brought his batting average in the brown shirt to .310!

Not that it helped Bernie get a win, because the rest of the offense remained putrid. Bernie got one out in the seventh before running into lefty batters in Jesse LeJeune and Ramon Cabral. Garavito came on, walked PH Alex Torres, and then Antonio Prieto and a Ramos error almost managed to spiral the inning out of control until Myers handled a sharp grounder for the third out. Prieto got two strikeouts to begin the eighth, then ran into left-handers again, so Yeom Soung got the ball in a 2-2 tie with two outs in the eighth, which was unusual but deemed necessary. He struck out Jerry Outram, then saw Berto slap a leadoff single against the still-active Booth in the bottom 8th. Berto made for third on an 0-2 single by Manny Fernandez, Ryan Phillips briefly mishandled the ball, and both Raccoons reached scoring position with nobody out! Come on, boys – get them! The damn Elks wanted no piece of Greenway, who was put on the open base, bringing up Fowler, who merely led the CL in bombs. Unfortunately he didn’t hit one here, and Phillips played his meager fly to right VERY well, taking a step back to grab it on the run and shy back Berto. Next was Rich Vickers, batting sixth after two double switches that had gotten us here (and Soung into the #1 hole). He hit a ball to left, past Brian Schneider and Edgar Serrano, and this time two runs scored and the tie was broken! It was all the Critters got in the inning, with Stedham and Myers both grounding out, and when Berto flubbed a second ball for another error and put Phillips on base to begin the top 9th, I began to sweat profusely again. However, Soung reared back, struck out the next two, and got Berto to handle Serrano’s 2-out grounder for the final out, finally! 4-2 Coons! Ramos 2-4, 2B; Greenway 2-2, 2 BB, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Vickers 1-1, 2 RBI; Chavez 6.1 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 8 K and 1-2;

Squee! Come on, boys, two more!

Game 3
VAN: 2B Morrow – 1B D. James – CF Outram – RF R. Phillips – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – SS Cabral – 3B Schneider – P D. Arias
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Kilmer – P Sabre

The Elks had a bullpen day on their hooves in the first inning, which Arias left after getting only two outs thanks to some oblique issue. Jeremy Bloedow took over and stranded Berto and Manny on base. Sabre would have two shaky innings, then walk Bloedow to begin the third inning. Eric Morrow singled, and before long a meltdown was in progress, with Jerry Outram driving in the two runners with a single, moved up on the throw home, advanced to third base on a wild pitch, and then scored on Phillips’ single. The inning fizzled out after that, but Sabre looked devastatingly awful and the Raccoons trailed 3-0 when they should have an advantage. They couldn’t get the sticks up against Bloedow at all, who was still shutting them out in the fourth inning, while Sabre got exploded for good in the top 5th. Outram doubled, Phillips homered, 5-0, and then Clemente singled. That was enough, with David Fernandez getting out of the inning.

Down five-zip, the Raccoons loaded the bases out of the blue in the bottom 5th, and it wasn’t really their own fault. Myers reached on a Brian Schneider error, Kilmer was nicked, and only Ed Hooge in the #9 hole hit an actual single. Three on, no outs, Trevino hit a sac fly, and Bloedow then walked Berto, which certainly made things interesting with the 3-4-5 batters up with nobody out. Elks management believed in a hands-off approach, and Bloedow was left to his own devices against Manny Fernandez, who cracked a ball through between Schneider and Ramon Cabral for an RBI single. Greenway struck out, disturbingly, and when right-hander Alex Aguilar DID replace Bloedow, he walked Fowler to push home the Coons’ third run. Stedham shot a single up the rightfield line, Berto scored, Manny scored, and unbelievably, we were tied …!? The bleeding didn’t stop yet, with Myers, up for the second time in the inning, hitting a single through Schneider to plate Fowler and take a 6-5 lead. I screamed in excitement and banged my oven-mitted fists on the desk, enough for Slappy to put the bottle down and cover both of his ears. Kilmer struck out, ending the 6-run rally, but, BOY, did I feel good now!

The game had some crazy left to it – like the reliever Aguilar hitting a leadoff double off Citriniti to begin the top 6th. Citriniti dug in, struck out Morrow, James, and even Outram in order, and growled at Aguilar on his way back to the dugout. Garavito in the seventh and Barker in the eighth kept holding on, even though both had a runner creep into scoring position; in the eighth it was ancient Alex Torres with a pinch-hit double that looked very scary off the bat, but hit off the base of the wall in left-center. The Raccoons had nothing to add offensively, then gave the ball to Soung for the 3-4-5 batters, which was at least two lefty bats leading off. Groundout, strikeout, flyout, more hitting on the desk with the cat-faced oven mitts!! 6-5 Furballs!! Ramos 2-3, BB; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B, RBI; Garcia (PH) 1-1; Myers 2-4, RBI;

What a squeezer! But we were one game away from sweeping the damn Elks for the entire long weekend – don’t let up now, boys! We have them right where we want them!

Game 4
VAN: 2B Morrow – 1B D. James – CF Outram – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – SS Cabral – RF Pohl – 3B Schneider – P Sealock
POR: 3B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C Garcia – 2B Vickers – 1B Stedham – P Sparkes

For the second day in a row, the Raccoons’ starter was shackled early and substantially. Morrow singles, James and Outram hit doubles, and the damn Elks scored three runs total in the opening inning off Sparkes, who had led the CL ERA race not too long ago and was now dropping like a dead old rock. Ramos and Fernandez singles and a Fowler sac fly grabbed a run back in the bottom 1st, but then they stranded Stedham and Sparkes with 2-out singles in the second, and Fowler hit into a double play after Manny legged out an infield single in the third. Jesse LeJeune’s solo jack put the Elks up 4-1 in the fourth, and Vickers erased Garcia being brushed with a breaking ball in the bottom of the fourth when he hit into a double play as well.

Sparkes was still more productive with the stick, hitting a 1-out single to center in the fifth. Trevino popped out, but Berto singled through the right side, which at least brought up the tying run, and if we had seen a thing this week, then that the offense was quite hot and could make up a deficit in no time at all. Manny hit an 0-1 pitch to left, which would have loaded the bases if not for a pretty bad throwing error by LeJeune that sent the ball howling through the middle of the infield, vacated by all players, and allowed everybody to get an extra base, narrowing the score to 4-2 with the tying runs in scoring position for Fowler, who grounded out…

The sixth was uneventful, while in the seventh Preston Pinkerton hit a 1-out double off Sealock when pinch-hitting in the #9 hole. Cosmo walked, which put the tying run aboard once more. Ramos ran a full count before poking a roller on an emergency hack. The ball made it into no man’s land between Sealock, Morrow, and James, and all paws ended up safe on the infield single *and* we got an MVP up in Manny Fernandez. He hit a grounder to the right side, but Morrow reached it. He tossed to Cabral for a force on Berto, but a run scored and the inning remained alive, with no relay throw to first begin attempted. Unfortunately, the buck stopped with Fowler, who again grounded out…

Top 8th, Citriniti bled two base runners in James and Clemente before arriving at LeJeune, who was a career coonskinner, but also routinely pinch-hit for in recent times. The Raccoons sent David Fernandez with two outs and two on, the Elks blinked and pinch-hit Torres. We were still comfy with that matchup (not because Torres was 0-for-2 for his career against D-Fern, but it just looked right to us), but Torres reached the 0-2 and barfed it into the gap for a 2-run double that blew the doors off the game. Cabral struck out, ending the inning, and Greenway hit a leadoff jack in the bottom 8th, but that still only got the Critters back to 6-4. Stedham doubled with two outs in the inning, but Myers flew out as pinch-hitter in the #9 hole. Travis Sims had a scoreless ninth, and the Raccoons brought the top of the order to bear (hopefully) on Tim Zimmerman, a righty with a 5.08 ERA, in the bottom 9th. Cosmo made a good start – shooting a not-splitting splitter over the fence in right for a homer, cutting the gap to 6-5. Berto popped out to short. Manny struck out. Fowler grounded out, as always. 6-5 Canadiens. Ramos 3-5; M. Fernandez 3-5, 2 RBI; Stedham 2-4, 2B; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1, 2B;

In other news

August 3 – Richmond SP Derrick Forbes (5-13, 3.92 ERA) spins a 4-hit shutout of the Dallas Stars in a 6-0 Rebels win. A prominent casualty of the gem is the 23-game hitting streak of Hugo Acosta (.353, 0 HR, 65 RBI), who fails to collect a base knock.
August 4 – DAL INF/RF Jose Castro (.278, 9 HR, 30 RBI) will miss a month with a sprained ankle.

FL Player of the Week: DEN C Danny Zarate (.309, 18 HR, 76 RBI) hitting .458 (11-24) with 3 HR, 7 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.357, 11 HR, 71 RBI) batting .654 (17-26) with 2 HR, 10 RBI

Complaints and stuff

The bad news: we never got a sniff of first place this week, and the loss on Sunday dropped us back into third place. The good news? The Crusaders will be here on Monday to discuss our grievances in person. It will be a 3-game set, so we’d have to sweep them to get first place (non-interference by the Indians being assumed), but a series win wouldn’t be so shabby. They had however won five in a row, so we are warned.

The Elks and Titans look finished, leaving the division as a three-horse race, which I am not complaining about. All that I have to do now is find a way how we can make the other two horses stumble and break a leg… (firmly tapes trip wire across the doorway to Maud’s office)

I would still like to somehow pick up an arm or a stick, but the trade deadline has passed…

Nick Valdes has announced himself for the Wolves series next weekend. I explained to him that the games are in Salem, and not in Portland. He stated that he can’t go to Salem due to some weird real estate deal that turned a public park and playground into a junkyard for ancient rusting, oil-leaking long haul trucks, and we should play the games here. He didn’t understand that the Wolves would not come to Portland to play us…

Cristiano, how did you get in here? – What do you mean, “through the door”?? – But I laid a trap with trip wire to… Cristiano, I think your ankles are bleeding. – I know that you feel nothing. They’re bleeding anyway. Uh. Dr. Chung? – Dr. Chu-hung!!

Fun Fact: The most recent Raccoon to lead the ABL in home runs all on his own was Hugo Mendoza in the 2020 season, knocking 38.

That beat Gil Rockwell, who had hit 40+ every year from 2013 through 2019 and had been elected to the Hall of Fame this past winter. Rockwell hit 36 that season as he hit his decline.

Prior to Mendoza, Ron Alston (2009, 35 HR), Royce Green (1994, 38), Mark Dawson (1982, 25 (tied); 1988, 31), Tetsu Osanai (1985, 26), and Ben Simon (1979, 28) also led all of the ABL in homers as a Raccoon.

Liam Wedemeyer (1996, 33; 1997, 24), Tetsu Osanai (1986, 31), Daniel Hall (1984, 29) won the CL homer crown, but the FL had a more powerful homer king.

Oh, there’s actually one more in the former category. It’s from the 2028 season, when Rich Hereford hit 32 homers for the top mark in the league. Tied with the disgusting skunk weasel.

(eyes begin to glow dark red)

[Questdog]

Almost a sweep of those Cunning Canadians.... Editor's Note: 'Cunning' was intended to be another word, but the censors would not clear it.... Still, 3 of 4 is enough to celebrate for me!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (64-48) vs. Crusaders (66-47) – August 10-12, 2037

The Raccoons were in third place and 1 1/2 games behind the division-leading Crusaders, who had won five in a row now, but in the grander sense of things hadn’t won anything since *2016*, when they had last topped the CL North, the season after the end of their second three-peat (2013-15). At that point you wouldn’t have bet on them not returning to October baseball for a solid 20 years. It wasn’t quite clear how they did as much as they did now, with both offense and pitching only mildly above average. Their run differential was +49 (Coons: +78), and they didn’t excel in any one thing. They were just pretty decent throughout. Would that be enough to stave off the Critters and Indians? We had a 7-5 edge in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (8-7, 3.24 ERA) vs. Ignacio del Rio (14-5, 2.76 ERA)
Gene Tennis (2-2, 2.87 ERA) vs. Tony Fuentes (3-8, 4.16 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-8, 3.47 ERA) vs. Geoff Whitehouse (12-4, 3.10 ERA)

Del Rio had lost 19 games in ’36, and was now turning it around for a bid at 19 wins in ’37. Bless him. Not on our doormat, though – shoo! Shoo! Get out!!

All their starters on offer were right-handed.

Game 1
NYC: CF L. Herrera – 2B Lira – C D. Phillips – 1B Salto – RF Montes – 3B G. Ortiz – SS Putz – LF Rule – P del Rio
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C Garcia – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – P Ottinger

Just like last time out, Ottie had an absolutely catastrophic first inning, allowing a pile of runs right from the get-go. Lorenzo Herrera singled on his first pitch, stole second, and scored on Devin Phillips’ double. Ottinger walked Andy Montes after allowing a single to Graciano Salto, with Fowler snatching a shallow fly by Greg Ortiz for the second out, but .115 hitter Ben Putz knocked a single up the middle to score two more runs. Dan Rule grounded out to end the 3-run onslaught. The Critters responded by loading the bases by the time they brought Troy Greenway to the plate with one out in the bottom 1st, but all our hopes were struck out on three pitches before Fernando Garcia popped out on the very first pitch. Tony Lira and Phillips hit back-to-back doubles to extend their lead to 4-0 in the second inning, and I was kissing the dream of first place goodbye once more.

Jesse Stedham’s leadoff double in the bottom 2nd was eventually good for a run, with Ottinger singling and Trevino bringing home the first-sacker with a fielder’s choice, but other than against the Aces last week, Ottinger never recovered from the early waffling. Andy Montes homered off him in the third, 5-1, and was yanked after two more singles in the fourth. Derek Barker conceded a sixth run on Salto’s groundout, but just when it looked like things were done and over, the Raccoons cobbled together a few singles in the bottom 4th. Stedham got on base to start the inning, but was still on second base with two outs. Cosmo then singled, Berto hit an RBI single, 6-2, and then del Rio hung one to Manny Fernandez that became a souvenir and shortened the gap to 6-5. Fowler popped out to end the inning, but del Rio was yanked for a pinch-hitter in the fifth inning and thus wouldn’t get the win. (opens door to Maud’s office, where there’s nobody but Maud) AND STAY OUT!! (slams door) … (giggles)

The Raccoons stranded the tying run on third base in the bottom 5th, but at least Travis Sims pitched two scoreless to keep the Crusaders pinned through the seventh-inning stretch. Stedham singled in the bottom 7th, but was caught stealing, but got the tying run into scoring position in the eighth when Ed Hooge ripped a 1-out double down the rightfield line off Eddie Cannon *and* since he was pinch-hitting for Mauricio Garavito in the #9 hole brought up the top of the order. But now, boys! Now get them! The Crusaders sent lefty Casey Pinter to deal with the developing situation, but Cosmo cracked a base hit to left-center for a single, Hooge read it well and dashed for home, scoring quite a bit ahead of Dan Rule’s throw to even the ballgame at six! Could they get more!? Berto singled, but Manny grounded out, bringing up Fowler with two outs and first base open. The Crusaders pitched to him despite the left-hander Greenway coming up behind, but Fowler also grounded out to second base, so what the **** do I know? The Coons put Antonio Prieto into the top 9th, then witnessed the previously reliable right-hander imploding spectacularly. Phillips walked with one out, but the massacre didn’t start until there were two outs after Salto’s fly out. Montes singled, getting them to the corners, and PH Bob Zeltser walked to fill the bases. Phillips scored on a wild pitch before Ricky Tello walked, too, and then ****ing Dan Rule singled to center for two more runs. Josh Stephenson made the last out, bringing up the Critters against Ying-hua Ou. Greenway flew out, but Garcia socked a homer, 9-7. Stedham singled. Oh boy. Myers poked a 3-1 pitch into a fielder’s choice, and Hooge grounded out to first base, ending the rally prematurely. 9-7 Crusaders. Trevino 3-4, BB, 2 RBI; Ramos 2-5, RBI; Garcia 2-5, HR, 2B, RBI; Stedham 3-4, BB, 2B; Hooge (PH) 1-2, 2B; Barker 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K; Sims 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

SIGH.

Game 2
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Montes – C D. Phillips – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – SS Zeltser – 2B Lira – 1B Elrod – P T. Fuentes
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – 1B Stedham – 3B Myers – C Kilmer – P Tennis

With bullpen options sparse after a few Gettysburg-sized games in a row, the Raccoons had to confide the ball to Gene Tennis on Tuesday, with things immediately going pear-shaped for a run in the first on a Montes single, a walk to Phillips, and Salto’s RBI double. Greg Ortiz crucially struck out in a full count to derail the Crusaders’ early efforts, with Stedham handling ex-Critter Zeltser’s grounder. Portland recovered immediately, with Trevino singling, stealing his 35th base, reaching third base on Phillips’ throwing error – he had a very weak arm and compensated by throwing while lunging forward, screaming and with his eyes closed – and scored on Ramos’ groundout to tie the game. Manny singled, Fowler singled, Manny scurried for third base, drew a bad throw from Lorenzo Herrera, and Fowler scooched up into second base behind him – all for Greenway to pop out and Stedham to roll over to short.

The game then progressed pretty much as expected, with Gene Tennis getting ripped a new hole in the second inning. He walked Lira, allowed an infield single to Jason Elrod, and while Fuentes bunted into a force at third base was then torn apart on another three base hits, two of them for doubles down the leftfield line, and a total of four runs in the inning. The Raccoons, Preston Pinkerton included, didn’t have enough bullpen to pitch another seven innings with it – Tennis would remain in and take it like a man until he reached 100 pitches, then would be dumped to St. Petersburg. This game was thus given up on in the second inning… Even then, Tennis only made it through five innings, getting battered for seven runs in total on ten hits, three walks, and a hit batter. Portland scratched out a dismal run in the bottom 5th on hits by Jeff Kilmer and PH Rich Vickers, and then they still had to peel another two innings from the bullpen … and Preston Pinkerton.

Dennis Citriniti pitched two innings, whiffing four, while Greenway singled home Manny Fernandez after the latter’s leadoff double in the bottom 6th, getting into slam range, which didn’t stop my tears from flowing even briefly. Pinkerton batted for Citriniti in the bottom 7th and new exactly what was coming up next as he got directions to the mound. Agonizingly he retired the Crusaders in order in the eighth, including a strikeout to Devin Phillips. Bottom 8th, Casey Pinter allowed a leadoff double to Fowler, then an RBI triple to Greenway, 7-4. Stedham struck out, the Crusaders sent righty Michael Zabek against Myers, but Dave Myers hit a blast to center to get the Raccoons back to within a single run …! Next, Kilmer walked, bringing the go-ahead run to the plate in 2-for-2 Rich Vickers, who grounded out for the second out. Pinkerton grabbed a stick, grounded out to Greg Orti- … IT GETS BY ELROD!! ERROR!! Here comes Kilmer and the Raccoons tie the ballgame!!!

…and that was all they did. Berto walked, but Ortiz handled Manny’s grounder, leaving the Raccoons in the next pickle. Pitching Pinkerton in a tied game in the ninth was irresponsible, so a move had to be made. David Fernandez and Yeom Soung were the only at least somewhat rested relievers and Soung got the call, with Pinkerton removed from the game. Salto, Ortiz, and PH Michael Duryea were retired in order, a marked improvement compared to Monday, and Zabek was still on the mound for the bottom 9th, staring wide-eyed down Justin Fowler’s gun barrels. Fowler grounded out to short, but Greenway rushed a double to center to put the winning run in scoring position. Stedham walked. Myers grounded out. Julian Ponce, a left-hander, replaced Zabek only now, with Kilmer’s spot up. Garcia was sent to pinch-hit … and lined out to Ortiz. (hits head on table) Extra innings began with Soung walking Tony Lira on four pitches, then progressed with a Jason Elrod gapper for an RBI triple. Elrod scored on a sac fly, and all was lost. Vickers, Hooge, and Ramos were retired in order in the bottom 10th. 9-7 Crusaders. M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B; Fowler 2-5, 2B; Greenway 3-5, 3B, 2B, 2 RBI; Myers 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Vickers (PH) 2-4, 2B; Citriniti 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K;

(lies face down and motionless on the floor, halfway between the desk and the couch)

Gene Tennis (2-2, 4.21 ERA) was sent to St. Petersburg, bringing up an extra bullpen arm in Francisco Pena.

Game 3
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Montes – C D. Phillips – 1B K. Henderson – LF Salto – 3B G. Ortiz – SS Tello – 2B Lira – P Whitehouse
POR: 3B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C Garcia – 2B Vickers – 1B Stedham – P Chavez

Manny’s triple and back-to-back bombs by Fowler and Greenway gave the Critters a 3-0 lead in the first inning, although I barely noticed, being busy holding on to Honeypaws and sucking my free thumb. Greg Ortiz had a counter-homer in solo form in the top 2nd, and well, this was Bernie, and the wind was definitely blowing out. It blew in clouds that dumped some rain for a 20-minute delay in the bottom 2nd. By the third, Whitehouse walked Berto and allowed a single to Fernandez, putting those two on the corners with one out. I hoped for the 4-5 pair’s power hour to continue; Fowler grounded to right, past the reach of Kumanosuke Henderson, and the RBI single at least meant a 4-1 lead. Greenway dropped a ball between, but not by, Herrera and Montes, still good for another RBI single. Whitehouse then retired Garcia and Vickers to escape the inning.

Could Bernie keep the baseball down? Getting it up was ill-advised in the conditions at paw. A second Greg Ortiz homer in the fourth inning was a subtle hint in the negative, but was at least also coming with nobody on base, and left the Coons ahead 5-2. Bottom 4th, Stedham found a leadoff walk. The runner tried to steal, Bernie tried to bunt, neither ploy worked, and eventually we shrugged, called a hit-and-run at 2-2, and got guys on the corners when Bernie slapped the ball over the second-base bag. Cosmo popped out, but Berto got a run home with a grounder. Whitehouse was axed for right-hander Manny Vasquez, who walked our Mann, and Fowler reached on Tello’s error, and there were three aboard with two outs for Greenway. Come on, boy! Finish them! Greenway shot a ball through the left side for a 2-run single, Vasquez threw a wild pitch, and the Crusaders’ infield fell all over one another on a Garcia grounder, which became a run-scoring infield single…!! YAAA!! COOONS!!!

Vickers grounded out, but it was 9-2 and Bernie looked like he was far removed from having a fork wedged in his back, at least when Ortiz wasn’t batting or when Cosmo threw away a grounder for a 2-base error, leading to an unearned run in the fifth. Or when he was supposed to bunt, doing so badly in the bottom 5th to get Stedham forced out. Justin Fowler romped a solo homer to left off Josh Brown in the sixth, extending the lead to 10-3, which was the score through Bernie’s retirement after seven innings. David Fernandez whiffed Montes to begin the eighth, after which we deferred to Pena, who walked a pair before giving up Greg Ortiz’ third homer of the game, which this time counted for three and narrowed the game to 10-6, AND gave me sweats. The bottom 8th was unproductive, and the top 9th saw another Prieto meltdown. He retired the two left-handed bats he faced, but allowed a single to Herrera, walked Phillips, and Henderson hit an RBI single. Soung was unavailable after two innings for the loss on Tuesday, and Chris Wise was unavailable after having been traded the month before. The only sound arm left was Derek Barker’s, who threw one pitch to Salto, the tying run, and Greenway would be on the other end of the easy fly. 10-7 Raccoons. M. Fernandez 2-3, BB, 3B; Fowler 3-5, 2 HR, 4 RBI; Greenway 4-4, HR, 4 RBI; Stedham 1-2, 2 BB; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (9-8) and 1-3;

(looks bleached)

Raccoons (65-50) @ Wolves (62-51) – August 14-16, 2037

Here were two Oregon teams that both needed the wins! The Wolves were one game up in the FL West, while the Raccoons were as of Friday morning two and a half games out in the CL North. The Raccoons hadn’t lost a series to the Wolves since ’27, most recently sweeping them in 2035. This outfit was allowing the fewest runs in the FL, while having trouble scoring, sitting eighth in runs scored. Their run differential was also only a modest +53. They had a little bit of power, although mostly concentrated in two batters (Morgan Kuhlmann and Kyle Weinstein) who had more than half the team total. In shortstop Jose Castro, one important bat was also on the DL.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (7-5, 4.16 ERA) vs. Eric Peck (7-8, 3.58 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (11-4, 2.72 ERA) vs Phil Harrington (14-3, 2.42 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (8-7, 3.56 ERA) vs. Jose Alaniz (9-6, 4.00 ERA)

Serial Pitcher of the Year Phil Harrington was the only right-hander coming up in his series – probably. An off day on Thursday meant we could also meet Dylan Channel (8-7, 4.56 ERA).

The Raccoons could go without a fifth starter until next Saturday, needing just one spot start to get to the end of the month on the 22nd against the Arrowheads. Instead we kept an eighth reliever around, which was Pena right now, but I was trying to get a waiver trade done in the background.

Game 1
POR: 3B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – 2B Vickers – C F. Garcia – 1B Myers – P Sabre
SAL: 1B J. Garcia – C Kuhlmann – LF Weinstein – CF A. Herrera – 2B A. Meza – RF Witte – 3B Armfield – SS Camden – P Peck

Portland struck first, with Dave Myers singling home Troy Greenway with two outs in the second inning on a dicey play on Armando Herrera’s arm before the inning could end with Sabre (who struck out) and three aboard. Sabre came apart in the bottom 3rd, which began with a Jeremy Camden single. Peck bunted the runner to second, and Jose Garcia scored him with a hard double to right. While Kuhlmann (25 HR) popped out, Weinstein (16 HR) singled to put runners on the corners with two outs. Sabre, unable to recover, fell behind on Herrera’s RBI double to left-center, walked Alex Meza, and then was lucky enough for Berto to leap high enough to spear Oliver Witte’s line drive before it count also find the gap, keeping the score at 2-1. Greenway tied the game with a homer in the fourth, while Rich Vickers reached second base on a throwing error by Camden. Pounce, boys! Pounce! Garcia singled, putting runners on the corners with one out, and Myers hit into a double play to not give Sabre a chance to strand a runner…

Sabre fooled absolutely nobody; Chad Armfield ripped a leadoff double in the bottom 4th and scored the go-ahead run on two groundouts, not even Peck striking out against the Raccoons’ righty. Bizarrely, Sabre then hit a leadoff double to left in the top 5th, reached third on Cosmo’s single, then scored when Peck’s pickoff attempt at first base got away from Garcia. Cosmo reached second base with the teams all-even at three, then scored on Manny’s single to center in what was trying to become another drawn-out game with 13 pitchers used between both teams… Vickers and Garcia reached the corners with leadoff singles in the sixth, Peck walked Myers, and there were three on with no outs, presenting a dilemma for Portland. Sabre was modestly awful, but had only thrown 81 pitches, and we had already seen plenty of bullpen abuse this week. On the other paw, the Critters came off a rest day, and had another one of those on Monday. Stedham grabbed a stick, held out long enough to draw a bases-loaded walk, and it was 5-3… and then Trevino struck out, Berto popped out, and Manny flew out to left……. (buries striped face in paws)

Agony was lightened in the seventh with Fowler’s leadoff single up the middle. The Coons called a hit-and-run that became a farce when Greenway crushed a fastball over the fence, 7-3, finally killing the pesky Peck. For Portland, Garavito had delivered a perfect sixth, but Barker, Wednesday’s savior, walked two in the seventh before getting Herrera to pop out to end the inning. The game was blown up for good in the eighth with Berto singling, stealing two bases, the second with Manny Fernandez in tow, and both scored when Kuhlmann threw away Fowler’s grounder, 9-3. Garcia would come up to swat an RBI single later in the inning, giving the catcher a 5-hit day! The stubborn Critters tried Francisco Pena in the bottom 8th, who 48 hours after a rough ride through the Crusaders’ lineup allowed a run on a Meza triple and a wild pitch, but at least kept the Wolves at six runs’ distance in the bottom 8th, batted and struck out in the ninth, then was back in the bottom of the inning. Elliott Kennett reached on a bloop single to begin the inning, but Garcia and Kuhlmann were retired after that, and while Weinstein was determined to hit a 7-run homer, he only ended the game with a hyper-aggressive strikeout. 10-4 Critters!! Trevino 2-6; Ramos 2-5; Greenway 2-3, 2 BB, 2 HR, 3 RBI; Garcia 5-5, RBI; Myers 1-2, BB, RBI; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1;

WIN!!

Not gonna lie, though, every game being a mincemeater is … sort of stressful on an old man!

Jeff Kilmer went to AAA by Saturday, taking his .179 bat with him, for Tony Morales came off the DL.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C Morales – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Sparkes
SAL: 1B J. Garcia – C Kuhlmann – LF Weinstein – CF A. Herrera – 2B A. Meza – RF Witte – 3B Armfield – SS Camden – P Harrington

Against Harrington’s routinely 10 K/9 the Raccoons hoped for Sparkes to at least keep the Wolves off the board long enough to keep it interesting. In an interesting start to the game, Sparkes retired six over-aggressive Wolves on 11 pitches (!) in the first two innings, while Harrington allowed nary a ball in play the first time through, walked two and whiffed five, but needed 46 pitches for just 2.1 innings! And while he was gifted with almost everything, high stamina was notably NOT included in the package! Cosmo singled with one out in the third, but was doubled up on Berto’s sharp bouncer right at Camden. The same play repeated itself with Fowler’s single and Greenway’s grounder in the fourth. Sparkes was stellar the first time through, but in the bottom 4th got bombed by Kuhlmann – the first Wolf to reach at all – and then shuffled the bags full before Armfield grounded out to Ramos to strand all the runners.

While Harrington was almost on 90 pitches after just five shutout innings, Sparkes unfortunately glitched further in the bottom 5th. Camden rocked a leadoff double over Fowler’s head, and then he walked Harrington, which was inexcusable. Garcia grounded out, moving the runners into scoring position for the 42 homers of Kuhlmann, a right-handed batter, and Weinstein, a left-hander. Sparkes was instructed in a mound conference to go after Kuhlmann, got him to 0-2, but then allowed a run-scoring grounder. Weinstein was walked intentionally, pulling up Herrera, who grounded out to Cosmo, and the Raccoons were still *in reach* in a 2-0 game, but Harrington had to go now. He struck out Trevino to begin the sixth, his seventh and final K in the game. Berto grounded out, but Manny ended him with a double to left on his 101st pitch. Right-hander Nick Wright replaced Harrington, Fowler grounded out, and the inning ended. Dave Myers hit a solo homer with two outs in the seventh to cut the gap in half, but a pinch-hit jack by Matt Porter in the bottom of the inning restored the 2-run distance. While Citriniti and David Fernandez barely staved off a big inning after replacing Sparkes, the Raccoons got a chance in the top 8th. The tying runs were on with one out, courtesy of Camden’s error putting Pinkerton on base, followed by a walk drawn by Berto against lefty Ian Wilson. Manny Fernandez flew out to right, Pat Okrasinski, ex-Critter, replaced Wilson against Fowler, and got another fly to right to end the inning. Come the ninth, the Coons faced right-hander Rico Sanchez and his 2.85 ERA. Greenway led off with a single, but Tony Morales was rung up in a full count. Myers flew out to left. On account of the righty on the mound, the Coons sent Ed Hooge to pinch-hit with two outs rather than 5-hit hero Fernando Garcia when they had to bat for the pitcher in the #8 hole (don’t we all love double switches?). The ploy worked – Hooge took the first pitch and hit a BLAST!! HOME RUN!! TIED BALLGAME!! AA-YAAHHH!! (screams intelligibly)

Yeom Soung pitched the bottom 9th after Pinkerton popped out, getting the game to extras, where Sanchez gave up a screaming double to Cosmo, then a perfectly-placed RBI single to Berto, giving Portland the upper paw in the game …! Berto stole second, prompting an intentional walk to Manny Fernandez with Adam Swint on the mound. The right-hander got a grounder from Fowler that got botched for an error, and the bags were full with nobody out for Greenway, who flew out to Yeong-ha Sung in shallow left, keeping everybody pinned. Tony Morales showed patience for a bases-loaded walk, 5-3, but Myers struck out. Garcia finally batted for Soung with two outs, flicked a looper over the desperately reaching Chad Armfield for a 2-run single, and the inning ended only with a K to Pinkerton after four runs had scored. Prieto retired the Wolves in order in the bottom 10th for another W. 7-3 Furballs!! Trevino 2-5, 2B; Hooge (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI; Garcia (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

Hhhnggg-RACCOONS!!

Interlude: Trade

The Raccoons completed a waiver trade with the Stars on Sunday, acquiring the expiring contract of 31-year-old MR Nate Ward (1-2, 4.43 ERA, 1 SV) in exchange for AA MR James Waller, our 2034 ninth-rounder.

Francisco Pena was sent back to AAA to put Ward on the roster. The right-hander Ward was also a candidate for making the spot start required next weekend. He had never been a regular starter in the majors, but had a total of 27 starting assignments across various seasons in the majors out of 356 total appearances. His 4.50 career ERA was doubtlessly affected by spending his entire career so far with the Stars in their glorified matchbox of a ballpark.

Raccoons (65-50) @ Wolves (62-51) – August 14-16, 2037

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C F. Garcia – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Ottinger
SAL: 1B J. Garcia – C Kuhlmann – LF Weinstein – CF A. Herrera – 2B A. Meza – 3B Armfield – RF H. Salgado – SS Camden – P Alaniz

First-inning improvements for Ottie involved walking the first two batters before involving the defense after all, but the *did* strike out Kyle Weinstein after getting neck-deep in trouble. The Wolves instead shackled him in the second, with doubles by Armfield, Camden, Alaniz (…!), a walk to Kuhlmann, again, and then Weinstein’s RBI single, 3-0. Herrera FINALLY flew out to Fowler, but once more the Raccoons were in a hole and making big eyes and wondered what the heck had happened. They did however get the tying run to the plate with nobody out in the third, Stedham ripping a leadoff double before Ottinger singled. Cosmo emptied the bases… with a double-play grounder, scoring one run but killing the inning.

When the Raccoons next tried the offensive game they had played rather well for the past few weeks, Ottinger walked with one out in the fifth to load the bags behind Garcia and Myers for Cosmo, who again grounded to short, but Camden was pulled to the left side this time and the Wolves only got Ottie on second base while Garcia scored, narrowing the gap to 3-2. Berto pushed a single up the middle, the tying run came across, and Manny delivered another sharp RBI single to take a 4-3 lead! Fowler axed Alaniz with a gapper in left-center, driving in two with a double! YES, OFFENSE!!! Left-hander Ian Wilson prevailed against Greenway, getting the K to stop the 5-run rush, and now the eyes were back on Ottinger, and whether he could get at least through five again. The meat of the order was up for Salem, Weinstein hit a double, Herrera hit a single, and the Raccoons hit the emergency eject button and got the pen involved. Derek Barker got a pop from Meza, a grounder from Armfield on which the infielders couldn’t QUITE turn two, and a run scored, then gave up a sharp single to ex-Coon Hugo Salgado. Garavito was sent for Camden with the tying runs on the corners and got a groundout to exit the inning, and there were four innings yet to go.

Portland left runners on the corners in the sixth before sending Nate Ward for his Coons debut, wearing #59. He retired 9-1-2 in order, and David Fernandez repeated the feat in the seventh with the thickest part of the lineup. Ian Wilson pitched 3.1 innings and got five strikeouts against the Critters, who thus failed to extend their lead, but at least got another 1-2-3 inning from Citriniti in the eighth. Ed Hooge hit for the hurler to begin the top 9th, singling to right off righty Miguel Salazar and advanced on a grounder, but Berto struck out. The Wolves elected to walk Manny intentionally, bringing up Fowler, who whiffed, and thus Yeom Soung got a 6-4 lead to protect in the bottom 9th. Bill McWhirter flew out to Manny. Jose Garcia singled to left, which brought up the tying run in the worst of spots, but he struck out Kuhlmann after a tense battle, and then the Wolves pulled Weinstein for a right-hander, Elliott Kennett, who whacked a single to center, bringing up Herrera as the winning run (although he had only one homer all year long). Herrera fell to 2-2 before popping a ball to shallow center. Ed Hooge had remained in the game rather than Fowler, hustled in, made the catch, and the Coons had the sweep!! 6-4 Raccoons!! Myers 2-4; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Hooge (PH) 1-1;

In other news

August 11 – BOS 1B Justin Uliasz (.261, 11 HR, 51 RBI) has four hits and four RBI from the #8 hole in the Titans’ 15-0 destruction of the Loggers.
August 14 – RIC SP Jon Pereira (11-8, 2.83 ERA) fires a 3-hit shutout in a 9-0 rout of the Condors. It’s the fourth career shutout for the 33-year-old Pereira, who entered the league from Cuba as a 30-year-old, all his shutouts coming in this present season.
August 14 – SAC 2B/SS T.J. Bennett (.309, 1 HR, 6 RBI) hits a walkoff double in the 17th inning to beat the Titans, 3-2.
August 15 – Knights CL Robbie Peel (9-2, 1.44 ERA, 25 SV) could be done for the season with a forearm strain.
August 15 – The Blue Sox blow a 4-3 lead in the ninth, then eventually score a 5-4 walkoff win … in the 17th inning. Nashville’s Billy Bouldin (.388, 1 HR, 61 RBI) has four hits and an RBI in the game; nobody else has much of anything.
August 16 – The Canadiens’ playoff ambitions are dealt the potentially final blow with news of a torn labrum felling OF Jerry Outram (.324, 14 HR, 60 RBI) for the rest of the season.
August 16 – It takes ten innings and a leadoff triple in the top 10th by LVA 2B/1B Mario Briones (.285, 7 HR, 65 RBI) to get any run across in the Aces’ eventual 1-0 win over the Capitals.

FL Player of the Week: TOP OF/1B Rai Higashi (.265, 4 HR, 31 RBI), batting .522 (12-23) with 1 HR, 10 RBI
CL Player of the Week: POR RF Troy Greenway (.313, 17 HR, 49 RBI), swatting .458 (11-24) with 3 HR, 9 RBI

Complaints and stuff

(tumbles through the door, laden with various upper appendages piled up on his own arms) ARMS!! I NEED MORE ARMS!! (upon closer inspection, the pile contains at least two severed human arms, a raccoon paw, a rabbit’s foot, something that looks like a desiccated elephant’s foot, wickedly also a fox tail, and at least two octopus arms leaking some gruesome ooze onto the floor) Hold this, Cristiano, I have to make a call – (dumps all the disgusting body parts into Cristiano’s lap, with his face instantly switching from dark brown to bright green, then plonks down at the desk and begins to dial on his antique rotary phone) Yes, hello? Is this Drummington Arms store down at 25th and Meeker? – Yes, I need arms! Many arms! – At least three! Big caliber! They must make a lot of boom! – But not on the scoreboard, no-no. – No, I need arms to fire the hard stuff at the opposition. Oh, and very precise, too! They must shoot out a guy’s eye from 60 feet, 6 inches out! – Yes, I’ll wait.

While I’m on hold, Troy Greenway didn’t homer in his first 41 at-bats as a Raccoon, the hit TEN bombs in his next 41 at-bats. We are currently worried about him overheating and blowing a fuse.

The Critters were shut out in Vegas on the 4th. Since then they have scored more than seven runs per game, which is frankly bonkers and put them into second place in runs scored in the CL by the weekend. Please kindly recall that they were still in the bottom three in the second half in June.

(Cristiano faints and topples out of the wheelchair, face first into the octopus arms) Tsk. Youth these days.

(turns back to the phone) Yes, hello? The gun store? – Yes, I’m still on the line. – Yes, I’ll wait.

Fun Fact: Greg Ortiz is not the first purple-clad Ortiz to hit three homers against the Raccoons.

And it is not the one you think of (HOF Martin Ortíz), but Gabriel Ortíz who did the dirty deed on June 8, 2010, socking three bombs in a 5-2 Crusaders win in New York. (Martin hit his against the Elks and Aces)

Hitting three dingers off the Critters is a bit of a ritual for all ABL hitters – 11 of 63 games of 3+ homers have come *against* Portland – and 1998 Rookie of the Year Gabriel Ortíz was not even a power hitter. He never hit more than 11 in one season, and only eight in 2010, his age 35 season. Longevity – he lasted through 2014 in the majors – gave him 110 total home runs and 1,004 RBI.

In the June 8, 2010 game, two of Ortíz’ homers came off Kenichi “Winless” Watanabe, and another one off short-lived reliever Ted Reese, who pitched his only full season that year, and disappeared after his age 28 season in ’12 with 165 total appearances for the Coons and Loggers.

Reese was in fact traded twice between Portland and Milwaukee, once for Dave Wheaton in 2005, and then for Micah Steele in 2012, with the Steele disaster best dissected again after a less traumatizing week… Let’s just say he was chased out of town after one season, and then promptly won two rings with the Crusaders…

(still holds the speaker of his antique rotary phone) Yes, Maud? – What is it, Maud? – Homeland Security wants to talk to me? – (gleans over the front edge of the desk onto the mess on the floor) – I’ll meet them in your room, Maud.

[Orcin]

If we ever do another Dynasty Hall of Fame, this thread gets my vote. Never a dull page. Ok, dull teams sometimes.. but the writing? Never dull!

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Orcin

If we ever do another Dynasty Hall of Fame, this thread gets my vote. Never a dull page. Ok, dull teams sometimes.. but the writing? Never dull!

And in my acceptance speech, your inspiration on me will feature near the very top of thanks I'll have to say.

[Westheim]

(tries to wipe off the ink where his paw prints were taken) Another week, another challenge, this time the Buffos and - … (stops and looks up with the wet wipe in the other paw) What is it, Maud? – No I was not on the cookie jar. – No, Maud, I was not on the cookie jar! – No, I was not! – (is shown the white-glazed cookie jar with black paw prints all over it) – You have nothing on me, Maud!!

Raccoons (68-50) vs. Buffaloes (60-58) – August 18-20, 2037

While over .500, the Buffos were dead for the season, sitting 20 games under .500 in a lopsided FL East, where the Blue Sox had run away and were playing out the string in the middle of August, leading the nearest team by a crisp 15 games. They had won four in a row, but sported the worst offense in the Federal League and only so-so pitching. Their run differential was actually pretty terrible (-76), which in turn saw them nine games over their expected record, which was the biggest margin in the league. The last meeting between these teams was two years ago, when the Critters won two of three games.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (9-8, 3.43 ERA) vs. Justin Osterloh (6-7, 4.17 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-5, 4.21 ERA) vs. Josh D’Agostino (3-3, 2.95 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (11-4, 2.79 ERA) vs. David Elliott (12-6, 2.76 ERA)

Right, right, left from the Buffos, who had a number of useful players on the DL, including outfielders Greg Dowden and Roger Strand (formerly of the Indians) and young closer candidate Brian Whitehead, who was out for the season.

Game 1
TOP: SS F. Marquez – 3B Miles – 2B Duenez – LF Esperanza – 1B Higashi – C Alvardo – CF N. Gordon – RF M. Reyna – P Osterloh
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C Morales – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Chavez

…and you weren’t the only one looking at that lineup and wondering who the **** those guys were; besides Rai Higashi and Miguel Reyna, we had to browse our scout guy’s back catalogue. No wonder they weren’t scoring! The Raccoons were scoring, drawing five walks in the bottom 2nd in addition to a Tony Morales RBI double, taking a 3-0 lead on longtime Knights starter Justin Osterloh. Bernie hit a sac fly, Cosmo drew a bases-loaded walk. Osterloh walked seven batters in total in a desperate performance, but through five allowed no hits other than the Morales double, and no additional runs. At least Bernie had the Buffaloes under control, allowing almost nothing to them in the first five innings, whiffing four, before placing Ruben Esperanza on second base with a grim throwing error past Stedham of his own making. Higashi singled to right after that, Esperanza turned around for home plate, and was thrown out by Greenway, ending the top of the sixth. Bernie struck out PH Fidel Nunez to end the seventh inning, reaching 102 tosses in the process. Since the Raccoons were still searching for base hits and failed to add runs, he was lifted from the 3-0 game in the eighth, with Barker taking the ball and completing the inning after a 1-out walk to Mike Miles. Bottom 8th, lo and behold, Justin Fowler hit a leadoff single off Joe Hicks, then scored on Troy Greenway’s blast to right. Garavito got rid of the Buffaloes in the ninth for a cozy win. 5-0 Raccoons! Myers 0-1, 3 BB; Chavez 7.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K, W (10-8) and 0-1, RBI;

Game 2
TOP: SS F. Marquez – 3B Miles – 2B Duenez – LF Esperanza – 1B Higashi – C Alvardo – CF N. Gordon – RF M. Reyna – P D’Agostino
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C Morales – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – P Sabre

Berto singled and stole a base in the first inning, but was thrown out at home plate by Miguel Reyna to end the inning; Fowler had walked with two outs, and Greenway had singled to right. Instead, Sabre would single home Dave Myers with two outs for the first run of the game, coming in the bottom of the second inning. The lead wouldn’t last, mainly because Sabre had one of his innings in the fourth, where Felix Marquez hit a leadoff single and it was off to the races from there. Mario Duenez tied the game with a double; Rai Higashi gave them the lead with a sharp single past Stedham. David Alvardo and Nigel Gordon also reached base before Miguel Reyna popped out to strand three runners. Sabre then at least competently bunted Myers (walk) and Stedham (single) into scoring position in the bottom of the inning, but we sure as heck couldn’t find anybody to score them; Trevino popped out, and Berto rolled out to Duenez.

Tony Morales tied us up at two with as many outs in the bottom 5th, which wasn’t a bad outcome given that his RBI double that scored Greenway from first base came after a Manny walk to begin the inning and Fowler’s 6-4-3 mood-suppresser. That was the second inning in a row that started with a walk for the Critters, and the sixth lined up right alongside with a free pass to Stedham. Sabre bunted, that bunt was thrown away for two bases by D’Agostino, and the Raccoons had an even fatter chance. Topeka walked Cosmo with intent, bringing up Berto with three on and no outs. He promptly hit a comebacker for a 1-2-3 double play, which drove tears into by black, googly eyes, but the Raccoons did get offense with two outs; after Manny walked, Fowler singled into left-center for two runs, and when Greenway flew to Reyna, the ball clonked off the Gold Glover’s mitten for another 2-base error, scoring another run. Tony Morales struck out, ending the inning at 5-2.

Sabre got through seven before being hit for by Ed Hooge and to no great effect in the bottom of the seventh. Nate Ward then got the ball for the eighth inning – he would make the spot start on Saturday, and this was the final day where we could send him out for a relief appearance of no more than 20 pitches before it might hamper him on the weekend. The leadoff jack Marquez socked off him had me briefly reconsider everything, but he got out of the inning on just six more pitches. At least Yeom Soung closed out the game without issues… 5-3 Critters. Greenway 2-4, BB; Myers 2-3, BB, 2 2B; Sabre 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (9-5) and 1-1, RBI;

Ward remained pencilled in for Saturday.

Game 3
TOP: SS F. Marquez – CF N. Gordon – 2B Duenez – LF Esperanza – 1B Higashi – C Alvardo – 3B Nunez – RF M. Reyna – P D. Elliott
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – C Garcia – 1B Stedham – RF Pinkerton – SS Nickas – P Sparkes

While the Raccoons found absolutely no recipe against Elliott, amounting to two base hits and no runs through five innings, the Buffaloes had pretty decent success with the bloop-and-gap approach. It got them two runs in the second, when Esperanza singled softly and Higashi hit a gapper for an RBI triple, scoring on a sac fly by Nunez later on, and another one in the fifth, then with Nunez singling and Miguel Reyna hitting a gap RBI double for a 3-0 lead. Hits by Nigel Gordon and Higashi made it 4-0 by the sixth, with Sparkes not particularly bad, but certainly getting nothing in terms of good luck, either. The final dagger turned out to be a Fernando Garcia throwing error that turned an Elliott bunt into a wild carom in the foul grounds next to the rightfield line, putting Nunez and Elliott into scoring position with one out in the top of the seventh. Dennis Citriniti gave up a shot into the corner for a 2-run double to Marquez, and the game was over at that point. Hits by Berto and Manny scratched out a run in the eighth inning, and that was that for offense. The Raccoons amounted to only four hits against the lefty and were soundly beaten. 6-1 Buffaloes. Ramos (PH) 1-1;

Raccoons (70-51) vs. Indians (70-51) – August 21-23, 2037

After that lackluster performance we were left to feud with the Arrowheads over second place on the weekend, both teams being 1 1/2 games behind the Crusaders. Indy was still powering the offensive chart in the Continental League, leading the league with 4.8 runs per game, although the Raccoons were a respectable fourth and only 28 markers behind. The Indians fought with a crummy rotation, but had the best pen in the league – you had to get them early to succeed. The Raccoons trailed in the season series, 7-4.

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (8-7, 3.71 ERA) vs. Justin Kaiser (2-6, 3.98 ERA)
Nate Ward (1-2, 4.43 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (10-7, 3.70 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-8, 3.28 ERA) vs. Joe Dishon (9-5, 2.88 ERA)

That’s the strong end of the rotation, mind, and two southpaws to begin this set. The Raccoons were under .500 against left-handers for the season, so this was not good news in the slightest.

Game 1
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – 3B Hutson – 1B Caraballo – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – RF O. Mendoza – SS DiGiacomo – P Kaiser
POR: SS Ramos – 3B D. Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Greenway – C Garcia – 1B Stedham – 2B Vickers – P Ottinger

The most productive players on either side – Dan Schneller (26 HR) and Justin Fowler (29 HR) – both hit into double plays in the first inning, so that was an interesting start. Stedham would actually put Portland 1-0 ahead in the second with a homer, while Oscar Mendoza hit a leadoff double off Ottie in the third, but was stranded by poor outs. The next time around, Stedham drew a walk with two outs in the fourth, filling the bases after Fowler and Garcia had hit singles, and brought up Rich Vickers, who grounded out so poorly I groaned so loud that Maud came in to check whether I was still okay or whether I had expired and she needed to get a big black bag to dispose of my remains…

Ottie, who pitched well and allowed only two hits in five innings, and Myers hit singles in the fifth, but it led nowhere; Manny hit into a fielder’s choice, and Schneller shagged Fowler’s liner in flight to end the inning. Schneller then ripped a 2-out double with a man on first in the sixth inning; unfortunately for Indy, that man was Kaiser and had to stop at third base while carrying the tying run. Mound conference with Ottie, who assured the pitching coach he still had it together and could get rid of Dan Hutson and his .279 bat with 15 homers – and then did so, grounding him out easily enough to Vickers to strand two in scoring position. The park was booming; I was kindly asking the baseball gods for an insurance run. No insurance run was granted, but at least Ottie got two more outs before hitting 101 pitches with Josh Garbinski (.297, 21 HR, 64 RBI) coming up in the seventh. The Raccoons sent for David Fernandez, who got a fly to left to end the inning. Kaiser was yanked after a leadoff walk to Vickers in the bottom 7th. Morales – inserted in the #9 hole in a double switch the previous half-inning – singled to right off Jorge Villegas jr. and the Raccoons made the appearance of having something cooking. Berto grounded out on 3-1, which was poor form, but advanced the runners, after which Cosmo hit for Myers to get a lefty batter in the box. He fell to 0-2, but then poked a ball past Joe DiGiacomo, and a run scored! Manny singled to bring home Morales, 3-0, and then Fowler hit a comebacker, 1-4-3. Back to the pen, Fernandez got another out to begin the eighth, and Barker got two more against two base hits, causing me to scream even though DiGiacomo was thrown out on the base paths by Fowler. Come the ninth, Soung was calm and shut the door again, and the Raccoons took a critically important series opener. 3-0 Critters! Myers 0-0, 3 BB; Trevino (PH) 1-1, RBI; Greenway 2-4; Morales 1-1;

WIN!!

Never mind that … (breathes into paper bag) … my heart stopped once or twice.

Game 2
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – RF Leftwich – 3B Hutson – 1B Caraballo – CF Baron – LF O. Mendoza – SS DiGiacomo – P Terwilliger
POR: SS Trevino – 3B D. Myers – RF Greenway – CF Fowler – C Garcia – LF Hooge – 2B Vickers – 1B Pinkerton – P Ward

This game got out of shape early, and fast, with a Jeremy Leftwich double and then Dan Hutson’s line drive homer to put the Arrowheads up 2-0 in the first. Ward fooled nobody, while Terwilliger shoveled the bases full before striking out Ed Hooge to maintain his 2-0 lead in the bottom 1st. The Indians got another run on three singles in the third inning and piled eight hits on Nate Ward through four, which was also how long it took the Raccoons to reach the scoreboard, and even then they relied on a Preston Pinkerton homer, not exactly a frequent occurrence around these parts…

Ward was lifted after five absolutely mediocre-at-best innings, allowing another run in his last frame on an Oscar Mendoza single, a stolen base, and Joe DiGiacomo’s single to center, falling behind 4-1 before the curtain came down on him. Justin Fowler shortened the score to 4-2 with a sac fly, cashing Myers after a pair of hits by the 2-3 batters in the bottom 5th, but then Garcia lined out to Hutson, whose fine grab derailed the inning.

Rain ended Terwilliger’s day after six, but the game continued after a 40-minute delay. The Indians stalled potential knockout runs on third base against Garavito in the seventh and Prieto in the eighth, while the Raccoons had Cosmo on base to lead off the bottom 7th, but Myers, the tying run, hit into a 6-4-3 groaner. The Critters didn’t get on base at all in the bottom 8th, while Citriniti struck out three left-handed batters in the ninth while hitting Hutson and walking Jeremy Bainer, both right-handed batters. Tim Thweatt had the ball in the bottom 9th against the bottom of the Raccoons’ order. Berto batted for Vickers against the right-hander, but whiffed. Morales hit for Pinkerton and singled, and Stedham hit for Citriniti and reached when Hutson overran his grounder for an error. Cosmo was up with the winning run and one out, but grounded to short for a fielder’s choice. Myers was next, grounded to left, past DiGiacomo, and the RBI single narrowed the score to 4-3, and now Greenway was up. I held on to Slappy’s upper arm with one paw while biting the clenched fist of the other – to no avail, his fly was caught by Leftwich. 4-3 Indians. Trevino 2-5; Myers 2-4, BB, RBI; Fowler 0-1, BB, RBI; Pinkerton 2-3, HR, RBI;

At this point, the Crusaders had lost twice to the Loggers (!), so both the Arrowheads and us were only half a game out now, meaning each of the three teams could top the division on Sunday night.

Game 3
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – RF Leftwich – 3B Hutson – 1B Caraballo – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – SS DiGiacomo – P Dishon
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – C Morales – 3B D. Myers – 1B Stedham – P Chavez

Bernie somehow tip-toed around a first-inning, four-pitch walk to Schneller and a howling Leftwich double without giving up a run in the first, but gave up a solo homer to Schneller in the third inning, just when I thought that he wouldn’t be Player of the Week for once upon leaving Portland. The Raccoons had already caused plenty of carnage in all the wrong ways, with Manny being caught stealing in the first, and Myers knocking into a double play with Greenway and Morales on the corners in the second.

The general situation improved with Manny Fernandez’ leadoff jack in the bottom of the fourth inning, tying the game at one at once, but after Greenway reached base the inning soon turned into nothing. Hooge forced him out, and Morales and Myers didn’t do any better. Cosmo and Berto reached with two outs in the fifth, but Manny grounded out to Schneller, our nemesis, keeping the game tied at one through five innings. Not that Bernie Chavez was great – he spent many pitches on no great results, whiffing only three in a 4-hitter so far. The fifth hit was a Leftwich bomb over the fence in right-center in the sixth and I slumped deeper into the cushions because of it. Bernie drilled Hutson with his very next pitch, Hutson took offense and stormed the mound, and after a brief altercation both were tossed from the game, which threatened to derail our plans as far as not calling up a ****ty starting pitcher was concerned. In the here and now of the rubber game, though, the Coons were 2-1 behind, and had to find 12 outs somewhere. Derek Barker was not the solution, allowing a single and Jeremy Bainer, the pinch-runner for Hutson, to score, 3-1. When Dishon walked Greenway and Hooge to begin the bottom 6th, thus putting the tying runs aboard, the 6-7-8 batters were reliably retired on absolutely ****ty pops and grounders.

Vickers’ pinch-hit single to begin the seventh knocked out Dishon for lefty Chris Myers, which was bad news for the Raccoons, who had left-handed bats lined up #2 through #6. Cosmo already fed the ball into a fielder’s choice, and so did Berto. Manny grounded out and was retired in his own right. The following inning, Myers allowed a leadoff single to Greenway, who was promptly forced out on Hooge’s grounder. Morales however singled to left, and the tying runs were on for Dave Myers. The other Myers was swiftly whisked for right-hander David Lindstrom, who walked our Myers in a full count. With three on, one out, and Stedham up, the Indians sent left-hander Cesar Castillo, who had as many walks as strikeouts. Portland called to freeze, and Justin Fowler batted for Stedham. Now or never! Turned out, neither option was correct, with Fowler flying out to Garbinski in shallow left, but when Garcia hit for the pitcher Sims he knocked a ball through the left side for an RBI single. Garbinski threw the ball wildly across the infield and Morales also scored on the play, tying the game at three! The Indians tried their luck with an intentional walk to Cosmo, then another reliever to face Ramos with three on and two outs. Alan Mays’ first pitch was wild, plating Myers with the go-ahead run!! Better – Berto flicked a single to right to plate two more!! PORTLAND!!! The inning dragged on with Fernandez (unintentionally) and Greenway (intentionally) reaching base against J.J. Ringland before Tomas Caraballo speared Hooge’s bouncer to end the inning with three Critters stranded, but with a 3-run lead we put Soung in and looked pretty smug for ourselves. DiGiacomo struck out. Brent Rempfer flew out to center. Elliott Thompson popped out to Berto. 6-3 Furballs!!! M. Fernandez 3-5, HR, RBI; Greenway 2-2, 3 BB, 2B; Morales 2-4; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Garcia (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

In other news

August 17 – The Indians walk off on the Cyclones in the truest sense of the word: four walks are offered by Cincy’s Michael Donovan (4-4, 3.09 ERA, 3 SV) and Andy Hyden (2-1, 1.94 ERA, 31 SV) in the bottom of the 10th inning, with the one drawn by PH Oscar Mendoza (.216, 2 HR, 20 RBI) ending the game.
August 18 – Crusaders C/1B Devin Phillips (.262, 5 HR, 38 RBI) demolishes Rebels pitching with a 5-hit day, including a homer and three doubles, and drives in three runs in New York’s 21-4 romp over Richmond.
August 18 – ATL OF/1B/SS Luis Inoa (.278, 10 HR, 29 RBI) hits the DL with elbow tendinitis and will miss about three weeks.
August 19 – DAL INF Jon Ramos (.308, 0 HR, 33 RBI) is out for the year with a concussion.
August 21 – The Wolves flog the Stars, 20-2, with both Alex Meza (.276, 4 HR, 45 RBI) and Oliver Witte (.220, 3 HR, 28 RBI) both chipping in five base hits. Both have a double and four singles as well as 2 RBI, each.
August 22 – SAC SP Josh Vercher (7-9, 3.53 ERA) 3-hits the Pacifics in a 6-0 shutout, whiffing five.

FL Player of the Week: WAS 1B Adam Avakian (.324, 21 HR, 86 RBI) batting .545 (12-22), 3 HR, 5 RBI
CL Player of the Week: CHA INF/LF/RF Jose Farfan (.334, 7 HR, 51 RBI), hitting .538 (14-26) with 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Now for the bad news – the league slammed Bernie Chavez for six games for gently drilling Dan Hutson, which meant he’d be under house arrest for all of next week (Thursday was off) and our plans to make it to the weekend with just four starters were moot. We’d have Sabre, Sparkes, and Ottie against the Loggers, starting on Monday, and then either had to send Nate Ward out once more on Friday (oh dear baseball gods, please, no!) or find some other schmuck in AAA.

Keeping in mind that pitching depth as far as a potential playoff roster was concerned would come from the DL – Colt Willes and Josh Weeks were both expected back in the second half of September, giving us options there … IF we made it to October baseball. So far the team showed a remarkable aversion to actually claim first place…

Remember ’35? Justin Fowler batted .309 with 26 homers. He’s down to .237 this year, but with 29 homers. Can’t say I like the newer version better, but at least he’s still worth positive WAR, erased defensive rating (glares at scout guy) notwithstanding.

Cosmo leads not only Berto by 10 sacks this season, but the entire CL as well. Tijuana’s Willie Ojeda also had 27 stolen bases to his 37. We’re first as a team with 94 SB, and second in homers with 110, which keeps surprising me even more.

Fun Fact: The single-season record for home runs for a Portland Raccoons team is 153, set all the way back in 1989.

There were four main swatters on that team, with Tetsu Osanai starting every game and hitting 35 homers. Mark Dawson had 26, Sam Dadswell hit 19, and Daniel Hall avoided major catastrophic injuries and bashed 18.

But the supporting cast was also out in force: nine homers each were chipped in by Bobby Quinn, Antonio Gonzalez, and Glenn Johnston (who would ruin the season in Game 6 when Ed Parrell’s fly came for him), and Matt Higgins and David Vinson each chopped eight. There were also four by Ben O’Morrissey, who’d be a mainstay of the budding dynasty, and three by Daniel Dumont, who would not be. Neil Reese (2 HR) needs no introduction. With the exception of Gonzalez, all of these “supporting” guys were under 25 years old, and most of them were rookies (with maybe a cup (or in case of Quinn several) of coffee prior to ’89) would be around for that eight-year run that yielded six division titles, five pennants, and two rings.

Honorable mentions: one homer each by Stephen Hall, Jeff Martin, and venerable pitcher Logan Evans.