Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Questdog]

Okay, I am caught up! Can't think of anything pithy to say, but I just wanted to show off my signature....

By the way, this is my first year playing Perfect Team and I am already rather bored with it....

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Questdog

Okay, I am caught up! Can't think of anything pithy to say, but I just wanted to show off my signature....

By the way, this is my first year playing Perfect Team and I am already rather bored with it....

Always good to see a veteran season ticket holder!

It's not something you can sink a great amount of time into regularly without going mad, that's for sure. Unlike the core game experience.

Speaking of going mad...

+++

(smokes two cigarettes at once, including one lit at the wrong end)

Welcome back to Portland, where life is ****, and the offense is invariably a disaster.

Raccoons (5-7) vs. Loggers (5-7) – April 21-23, 2037

Eye to eye with the Loggers, the Raccoons would try again to tickle something out of their offense. The Loggers were probably going to settle in the cellar, ranking well in the bottom half in runs scored and runs allowed already, but that still gave them a better offense than the Raccoons, who couldn’t score if you begged them. We had beaten Milwaukee 14-4 in the previous season series, but we had also just lost three 1-run games to the Indians, so nothing had any meaning right now…

Projected matchups:
Josh Weeks (2-0, 0.60 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (1-1, 4.91 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (0-0, 2.84 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (0-0, 3.24 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-2, 4.50 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (1-1, 1.80 ERA)

Two right-handers, one left-hander. Could the Raccoons outscore their previous 2.66 R/G against this mix?

Game 1
MIL: LF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 2B McWhirter – 3B Conner – RF Valenzuela – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – CF Prestwood – P Iezzi
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Weeks

Trevino opened with a double off the fence, which led to a run because a) Dave Myers was nailed, and b) the Loggers twice couldn’t turn the double play although the Raccoons very much inquired about it with dismal infield grounders by both Fernandez and Fowler, the latter getting the RBI anyway. The Loggers tied the game right up with straight base hits by Matt Cooper, Salvador Ayala, and Tyler Prestwood in the top 2nd, after which nothing happened for a while, and when something happened the Raccoons still only had the Trevino double for four innings of poking, and Tony Romero’s homer broke the tie the other way in the top of the fifth, putting the Loggers up 2-1. Trevino would hit a single in the bottom 5th with two outs, after which Dave Myers grounded out in stereotype lame fashion. Manny Fernandez hit a leadoff single in the sixth, then was stranded on first base.

Tony Morales showed a pulse with a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, getting the tying run on base again and his batting average all the way up to .138! Ed Hooge unleashed a roller in front of the catcher Cooper, who tossed to second after getting caught up in his mask, which cost the Loggers another double play, but they did get the lead runner. Rich Vickers batted for Weeks, who was done after seven innings, grounded to Josh Conner, 5-4-3, get outta here. Dennis Citriniti pitched in the top 8th, allowing a 2-out single to Cooper. With Ayala batting left-handed, Garavito was brought in and did his usual routine, incinerating the situation with a double to center, then threw a wild pitch to score Conner, and walked Prestwood before somebody else would restore order. The Coons got the tying run to the plate after Myers walked with one out in the bottom 8th, bringing on a new pitcher in right-hander Sal Chavez in the process. Manny Fernandez hit the first pitch into a fielder’s choice, then watched from first base as Justin Fowler struck out. The tying run was up AGAIN in the ninth, then against right-hander Alex Banderas, who had been roughed up in the first two weeks and had an ERA just over TEN. Stedham grounded out, but Berto hit a single to left with one out. Tony Morales countered Banderas nicely, but struck out anyway. Maldonado hit for Hooge out of raw desperation and grounded to Ted Del Vecchio, who threw the game-winning ball away for a 2-base error, putting the tying runs in scoring position for the pinch-hitter in the #9 spot, Preston Pinkerton. Banderas reared back and gave up a deep fly to center… but Prestwood was there to catch it. 3-1 Loggers. Trevino 2-4, 2B; Weeks 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 8 K, L (2-1);

Positives from the fire-scorched individual bits of detritus of this particular ****show: Tony Morales threw out two base runners.

That’s … (browses through notes and looks at Cristiano) … That’s it, right?

Right.

Or left, at least on Wednesday, with Piedra skipped and Stockwell moved up to this game. The Raccoons made a desperate roster move in the meantime, dumping Citriniti (5.40 ERA) and bringing up outfielder Cory Cronk, batting .296/.486/.519 in the first EIGHT games in AAA. Cronk was the #74 pick in 2032, 23 years old, and a lefty bat. He’d be in the lineup anyway, because we were desperate and reaching for ANY straw.

Game 2
MIL: LF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 2B McWhirter – 3B Conner – RF Valenzuela – 1B S. Ayala – C M. Cooper – CF Prestwood – P Stockwell
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Maldonado – RF Cronk – 2B Vickers – C Kilmer – P Ottinger

Myers, Fernandez, and Maldonado all hit singles in the first inning to score a run and bring up Cory Cronk in his debut with runners on the corners and two outs. He flew out to Tony Romero, who barely had to move. Good! Boy’s here for ten minutes, and already seamlessly fits in!

After that first-inning “rush” the Raccoons reverted to their usual ballgame. They didn’t get another hit until the fourth, and while Ottie held on for a while, he came undone in the fifth with Danny Valenzuela and Matt Cooper tying the score with two doubles to rightfield. He then struck Prestwood with a fastball and gave Milwaukee the lead on Romero’s 2-out RBI single. Del Vecchio also singled, but Bill McWhirter popped out to strand three runners. Amazingly, Stockwell wouldn’t get the W, although he left with the lead after giving up 2-out singles to both Trevino and Myers, who set up camp on the corners in the bottom 5th. Matt May replaced the left-hander against the Player of the Year, who flew out to Romero, which – (makes mental spin motion with his fingers) – bodes well for Cronk, who already plays like a winner!

Prestwood doubled home Valenzuela with two outs in the sixth, extending the Loggers to an insurmountable 3-1 lead. Ottinger tried, but it just wasn’t enough, and he left after six innings and 97 pitches. It took the Raccoons to the bottom 8th to even reach ****ing base, when Trevino hit a leadoff single to shallow center. Nothing good happened after that – flyout, groundout, strikeout. At least there was certain balance to the lineup. Milwaukee tacked on a run in the ninth against Travis Sims; Prestwood led off with a double and scored on a Francis Chavez single. Bottom 9th, Berto singled batting for Maldonado to get the inning underway against Banderas. Cronk struck out. Stedham batted for Vickers and doubled to left, bringing up the tying run once again. Jeff Kilmer hit for himself, because Morales had to bat for Sims in the #9 hole, and Kilmer promptly poked the first pitch onto the infield. Three Loggers converged, none played the ball, and Berto scored while Kilmer reached first base; Morales batted as the winning run with runners on the corners, walked in a full count, and delegated responsibility neatly onto Trevino, who grounded to short, leaving Morales dead at second, but at least beat out McWhirter’s throw. One run scored, but the Coons still needed one to tie and two to win from Dave Myers, and Dave Myers struck out. 4-3 Loggers. Trevino 2-5, RBI; Myers 2-5; Maldonado 2-3, RBI; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Stedham (PH) 1-1;

Travis Sims was demoted after the game to get a starter for Friday onto the roster. The Raccoons picked Tom Miller from the Alley Cats.

I also wish I could just go to the Alley Cats…

Game 3
MIL: LF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 2B McWhirter – 3B Conner – RF Valenzuela – C M. Cooper – 1B Ronan – CF Prestwood – P Olguin
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – LF Hooge – SS Ramos – RF Cronk – C Morales – P B. Chavez

Vinny Olguin (0-3, 4.56 ERA) had to wait until the third inning to get a lead, where despite Tony Morales’ best efforts Bernie Chavez senselessly came apart with great noise. Romero drew a 1-out walk and was caught stealing, which was already the fourth runner Morales was throwing out in the series. Chavez walked Del Vecchio instead, hit McWhirter, and then gave up a 3-run blast to Josh Conner. The Raccoons’ attempts were universally half-arsed and dismal. They got runners on the corners in the third inning, but Stedham grounded out to McWhirter to strand those. Hooge reached base to begin the fourth, but was doubled up by Berto. Hooge then doubled up Stedham in the sixth. In between they scored a run by accident, Myers singling home Trevino after his 2-out double in the bottom 5th. Ya-hay, our daily run. Goodness me.

Fowler batted for Chavez in the bottom 7th with Morales on first base and thus as the tying run in a 3-1 game. He flew out to Romero, but Trevino singled with two down, bringing up Myers again, who had two hits in the game and got another one, this one high, up, and outta centerfield for a much-needed, score-flipping 3-run homer …! Finally the Raccoons broke through the magical 3-run barrier, taking a 4-3 lead! So Chris Wise of course immediately put the tying run on base with Romero’s leadoff single in the top 8th. The Raccoons twice failed to turn the double play on grounders to middle infielders before somehow Myers spared a vicious bouncer by Conner and turned it into the final out despite spinning around in the dirt. While a tack-on run wasn’t in the cards, at least Yeom Sound made do with what he had and squeezed out the Loggers in the ninth… 4-3 Coons. Trevino 3-4, 2B; Myers 3-4, HR, 2B, 4 RBI; Stedham 2-4;

After this pity win we got a chance to get crushed by the absolutely worst team in the league.

Raccoons (6-9) vs. Falcons (1-15) – April 24-26, 2037

Second from the bottom in offense in the Continental League (breathes heavily), the Falcons were some sight to behold. Starting 1-15 (after 0-14) was sort of unheard of in the ABL annals. They had allowed the most runs, almost SEVEN per game, and were outscored by more than FOUR runs per game, but I wasn’t going to get my hopes up. It was hard to find a category in which they weren’t the worst team in the league. Well, except for runs scored of course. The Raccoons had lost the season series 4-5 for two years in a row.

Projected matchups:
Tom Miller (0-0) vs. Chris Turner (0-1, 1.59 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (2-1, 2.55 ERA) vs. Alfredo Casique (0-3, 18.69 ERA)
Josh Weeks (2-1, 1.23 ERA) vs. Rafael Pedraza (0-1, 3.86 ERA)

“Tuba” Turner was another left-hander to be puzzled by. The others threw from the right side. Not that it mattered – the Raccoons couldn’t score against anybody.

Game 1
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – SS Aparicio – C Huichapa – 1B Levis – LF Wallace – CF J. Aguilar – 3B Farfan – RF C. Robinson – P C. Turner
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – RF Maldonado – 1B Stedham – 2B Vickers – C Kilmer – P Miller

Trevino led off the bottom 1st with an infield single and also pulled a hammy, getting replaced by Alberto Ramos right away. Berto was picked off first and Turner struck out two to end the inning. Jimmy Wallace then took revenge for being traded by homering to right, his second of the year, and then Miller was burned in a team effort. With Jerry Aguilar and Chris Robinson on the corners and two outs, Chris Turner hit an RBI single, and Oscar Aguirre added a 2-run double, 4-0. While the Raccoons got only one more hit from their next three innings, the Falcons got three more runs off a rancid Tom Miller in the top of the fifth, including another Jimmy Wallace homer, this time with two outs and counting for as many. He got a chance for another one with two aboard against Dusty Kulp in the seventh, but grounded out to end the inning. Nobody ever got even vaguely near Turner, who pitched a 4-hit shutout to drive home the point that the Raccoons were beyond useless. 7-0 Falcons. Trevino 1-1; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Garavito 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Dr. Chung reported that Trevino’s leg wouldn’t have to come off and that he’d be day-to-day until early next week. I mumbled into the cushions whether that even mattered anymore.

Miller (13.50 ERA) was dispatched back to AAA after the game, with 27-year-old AAA innings eater Seth Green promoted to the majors to eat some innings there. Green had previously made six career appearances with the, funnily enough, Falcons, pitching to a 9.00 ERA in those.

Game 2
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – SS Aparicio – C Huichapa – 1B Levis – LF Wallace – CF J. Aguilar – 3B Depp – RF McCormack – P Casique
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – RF Cronk – 2B Vickers – P Sparkes

Just two guys in the Coons lineup were hitting more than .230 as play began on Saturday, and one of them hit a solo homer in the bottom 1st for a 1-0 lead; it was of course the Player of the Year, Manny Fernandez. Stedham (walk) and Morales (single) reached the corners with nobody out in the bottom 2nd then, bringing up a bottom of the order that was a combined 2-for-28 on the season. The Coons got something on the board, if only because Jerry Aguilar didn’t play Sparkes’ floater with the bases loaded with enough vigor, trapping it after taking it easy off the bat. Stedham scored, 2-0, with Morales, Vickers (walked after Cronk’s pathetic pop out), and the pitcher on the bases. Berto hit a sac fly, Myers hit an RBI single, and Manny walked to fill the bags again for Fowler, who tagged a liner to center for an RBI single. That made the score 5-0, tying the team for the most runs they had scored in any game this year. Stedham struck out, ensuring that five would remain their high water mark, forever.

Sparkes was *alright*. The Falcons had a base runner about every inning, but never made much from it (somehow you gotta work your way down to 2-15…), leaving a guy in scoring position three times in the first five innings, including twice at third base, including in the fifth when Jose Farfan hit a double in Casique’s spot to begin the inning. The Falcons didn’t score through five, but the Raccoons did again – Jesse Stedham hit a homer with two outs in the bottom 5th (off Josh Livingston no less), SHATTERING the previous record for runs in a game and getting the team up 6-0. Sparkes lasted seven shutout innings, but then was removed because he was already near 110 pitches. Myers doubled and scored on a Manny single in the bottom 7th to make it 7-0, and after that Seth Green got his Coons debut, replacing Fowler in the #4 hole in a game we considered won. Doug Levis homered to left in the eighth, ensuring Green stayed true to his 9.00 career ERA, but Rich Vickers countered with a homer of his own in the bottom 8th and Green managed to pitch the ninth without getting blown up, or scored upon again. 8-1 Raccoons. Myers 2-5, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-3, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Vickers 1-2, 2 BB, HR, RBI; Sparkes 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 4 K, W (3-1) and 1-2, RBI;

Offense …! (voice cracks)

Will all be well now, Maud? – You promise?

Game 3
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – RF Wallace – C Huichapa – LF Levis – SS Aparicio – CF J. Aguilar – 1B I. Pena – 3B Farfan – P Pedraza
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – RF Cronk – 2B Vickers – P Weeks

Consecutive doubles by Pedraza (…) and Aguirre, a stolen base, and Jimmy Wallace’s sac fly gave the Falcons a 2-0 lead in the third inning of the rubber game. The Raccoons however were back to their horrendous selves from pre-Saturday. They got runners to the corners in the bottom 2nd, there were already aided by a Tony Aparicio error, and then just disappeared. Josh Weeks pitched his arm off for seven innings that weren’t all that horrible if not for that goddamn Pedraza double, but was still on the short end of a 2-0 score during the stretch time. When play resumed in the bottom 7th, Stedham reached on a Farfan error, bringing the tying run to the plate with no outs, but there was no confidence behind those words. Morales flew out to Wallace, Hooge batted for the completely immaterial Cronk and struck out, and somehow Rich Vickers snuck a single by Aguirre to extend the inning. Trevino batted for Weeks and hi a bloop single to load the bases, but the first pitch Berto saw was grounded to Aguirre for the third out. Not that the Falcons were any better – Prieto in the eighth allowed Aguirre and Wallace on the corners with leadoff single, but then they cashed in a strikeout and two ****ty pops.

The teasing continued in the bottom 8th with Myers’ leadoff double off Pedraza. He advanced a base on Manny’s groundout, then scored when Fowler singled, which somehow felt like a major success even though the Coons were still ****ing losing. Stedham grounded out, Morales lined out, and everything sucked. Bottom 9th, still down 2-1, and now with the bottom of the order falling on top of home plate. Domingo Murillo was a weird choice for the assignment; the right-hander had seven walks in 3.2 innings and a 7.36 ERA. And yet I never doubted he’d get that save, even when Ed Hooge led off with a single to right-center. Vickers doubled to left, putting the tying and winning runs in scoring position, but I refused to buy into the tease. Maldonado hit in the pitcher’s spot and ticked the first pitch he got for a single, tying the game, but Vickers had to hold at third base. Berto walked on four pitches, which now meant that there were three on with nobody out in a tied game. EVEN THE COONS should get that won! They did – Murillo continued to blow up, walked Myers, and that was the game. 3-2 Blighters. Myers 2-3, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Vickers 2-3, BB, 2B; Trevino (PH) 1-1; Maldonado (PH) 1-1, RBI; Weeks 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 7 K;

In other news

April 20 – DAL RF/LF Doug Stross (.429, 0 HR, 6 RBI) retires from the effects of a beanball that left him with a concussion. The 39-year-old announces that he had a good run (19 seasons) and that it’s not worth it getting beaned to death now. Stross hit .314 with 123 HR and 1,208 RBI for his career, which was spent entirely in the Federal League. He won a ring with the Scorpions in 2020 and was the Player of the Year in 2024 and 2025. He made 7 All Star teams, won two batting titles, and five times led the FL in walks, of which he drew 1,820 in his career against just 551 strikeouts.
April 22 – Behind SP Bobby LeMoine (1-1, 3.66 ERA), the Falcons beat the Condors, 4-1, finally netting their first victory of the season after 14 straight defeats to begin the year.
April 24 – SAC LF/RF/1B Carlos Cortes (.302, 0 HR, 8 RBI) is expected to spend a month on the DL with strained posterior cruciate ligament.
April 24 – Salem INF/RF Jose Castro (.333, 1 HR, 7 RBI) is suffering from back tightness and will be out for up to two weeks.
April 24 – LVA OF Mike Hall (.366, 2 HR, 12 RBI) will be out until the end of May with a broken finger.
April 25 – In their 1-0 win over the Stars, NAS 1B Chance Bossert (.286, 1 HR, 7 RBI) is all his team’s offense with a first-inning homer.
April 26 – WAS 1B Adam Avakian (.319, 3 HR, 13 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak after a 1-for-4 performance in an 8-0 loss to the Wolves.

FL Player of the Week: SAC 1B Craig Hollenbeck (.339, 1 HR, 8 RBI), hitting .462 (12-26) with 1 HR, 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: ATL INF Vincent Zesati (.225, 2 HR, 9 RBI), going .417 (10-24) with 2 HR, 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Those Players of the Week are two misshapen pumpkins discarded from our farm. Zesati was a $20k signing in the 2029 July IFA period and was sent off to Atlanta in the catastrophic Adam Avakian deal in 2034. (grumble grumble) Hollenbeck was our 2025 second-rounder, lingered in anonymity for six years, then was traded off with Josh Boles, Ed Hague, and Jose Salinas to the Buffaloes for Giovanni James and Justin Marsingill. That one looked more even. A lot of misery on both sides.

So, uh. We didn’t lose the homestand? What kind of ****ing success is that supposed to be!?

I don’t know, Cristiano, how to improve the lineup. Maybe we can clone Manny Fernandez to have three of him in the lineup? – True, it’s probably not in the budget. What about cutting him in half? That should be free. – Right, one-armed batters suck. Heck, we have half a dozen two-armed batters that suck! Can you imagine Jesse Stedham with only one arm? – We have to do something about the other teams’ pitchers then. Something sneaky, like sneezing powder in the resin bag. – Yes, Cristiano, I’m always open for new suggestions. – Why would they be wearing the ball gag though? – I know, sometimes things sound better in your head than said out loud.

Still under three runs per game. The terrible agony.

We have Monday off, but Trevino might be ailing a day or two longer. At least Rich Vickers did SOMETHING in his absence. We start a two-week road trip, leading by San Francisco to the East Coast: Boston, New York, Cincy. After that, a brief home series against the Stars, followed by a weekend in Milwaukee. And then the draft pool will already be out.

As we’re on injuries and with Doug Stross retiring; also beaned this week was Alley Cats outfielder Dan Lance, who had signed a minor league deal with a major league option. Now out with concussion, that option has become pretty much worthless. Lance has one career appearance in the majors, a starting assignment with the 2034 Miners, where he hit 0-for-3 with a walk.

Fun Fact: April 26 is the anniversary of three low-scoring no-hitters in ABL history.

This includes a rare combined no-hitter that Adrian Valencia and Patrick Mercier pitched for the Capitals in a 1-0 win over the Warriors in 2014. Three years later, New York’s Jaylen “Midnight” Martin no-hit the Bayhawks, also in a 1-0 game. A rush of offense and a 2-0 win supported Atlanta’s Drew Jonson when he no-hit the Titans three years ago.

[Bub13]

Originally Posted by Westheim

(smokes two cigarettes at once, including one lit at the wrong end)

Welcome back to Portland, where life is ****, and the offense is invariably a disaster.

Is...is this you?

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by Bub13

Is...is this you?

Hey! Who allowed you to post my photo! Did Maud give you that? Maud! - Maud!!

And yes, that cup is full o' booze. Also those in the pictures.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (8-10) @ Bayhawks (14-5) – April 28-30, 2037

First in runs allowed with 2.7 per game, the Bayhawks presented a plus-sized problem for the Raccoons as the latter tried to even reach .500 again. On top of that, San Francisco was also second in runs scored, which was another one of those problems for Portland… The Raccoons had won the season series, 5-4, two years in a row, but no such thing was on the horizon right now…

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (0-1, 3.38 ERA) vs. Gilberto Rendon (2-2, 4.44 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-2, 4.30 ERA) vs. Josh Long (2-1, 3.70 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (3-1, 1.82 ERA) vs. Jose Lerma (3-0, 1.61 ERA)

Right, right, left, and probably another round of no runs for Portland…

“Cosmo” Trevino was still day-to-day and not available for the starting lineup, while Raffaello Sabre had suffered a setback and would take until next week at least to return to the team.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – LF Hooge – 2B Vickers – P Ottinger
SFB: LF Balderrama – 2B M. Hurtado – RF P. Sanchez – 1B McGrath – 3B Greer – SS A. Castillo – CF Coca – C Umanzor – P G. Rendon

Two walks (Mario Hurtado, Pablo Sanchez), two stolen bases (the same), and one sac fly (Kevin McGrath) put the Bayhawks 1-0 ahead in the first inning, and that was probably as usual going to be IT. Indeed, it came as a surprise when the Raccoons not only tied the game on a Stedham home run in the second inning, but took the lead in the third, an inning opened with singles by Ottinger and Berto, with Dave Myers hitting the sac fly to go up 2-1… and then of course Berto was left stranded on second base… Bayhawks traffic on base was consistent and heavy, but they stranded a pair in the bottom 2nd, then twice hit into inning-ending 5-4-3 double plays with nifty grips by Dave Myers in the third and fourth innings. Berto hit a bloop single in the fifth, stole second base, and was duly stranded, but tack-on runs came in the sixth, where Stedham drew a 1-out walk, then made second base on Tony Morales’ grounder. Ed Hooge reached the .200 mark (huzzah!) with a double to center, scoring Stedham, 3-1. Rich Vickers was walked intentionally to get to Ottinger, who dropped a looper behind Alex Castillo for a 2-out single. Edgado Balderrama overran the ball to give Hooge that little extra something to score from second base, and the other runners also gained an extra base, but Berto flew out to Pablo Sanchez, who, fun fact, had married his wife six weeks before Tony Morales had been born in 2014, and at age 42 was still batting over .300 …!

Ottinger grinded his way through six innings, and it was quite the chewy experience, but he held on to the 4-1 lead. Myers then opened the seventh with a double to left, maybe tacking on a run down the road, but definitely knocking out ex-Coon Rendon, with left-hander Jesus Rodarte taking over. Manny Fernandez slapped a single up the middle against Rodarte, Myers came around to score, 5-1, and that was 10 RBI for Manny, the first Raccoon to reach that lofty mark in ’37… That was also the only run for Portland in the inning despite loading the bases with walks. Maldonado, hitting for Hooge, flew out to too-shallow left, and Vickers lined out to Marshall Greer to strand a full set. Berto tripled in the top 8th, however, and was plated by a Fernandez sac fly (11!) to scratch out another run. The back end of the Bayhawks pen then issued free walks in the ninth inning, with Steve Nickas hitting a sac fly from the #9 spot for a run that made up for PH Edwin Rendon’s homer off David Fernandez in the bottom 8th. 7-2 Raccoons. Ramos 3-5, 3B; Stedham 1-2, BB, HR, RBI;

The Raccoons drew ten walks in the game, which was uncharacteristic, but we scanned all their ear chips and they indeed were our players…!

Trevino reported back healthy on Wednesday, so that might give additional life to the lineup!

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – RF Cronk – P Chavez
SFB: LF Balderrama – 2B M. Hurtado – RF P. Sanchez – 1B McGrath – 3B Greer – SS A. Castillo – CF Coca – C Umanzor – P Long

Superficially, the middle game saw a pitchers’ duel, but underneath the surface the defense did quite some heavy lifting. Both hurlers were unscored upon through four innings, both had scattered three base hits, and only Bernie Chavez had whiffed a batter; two actually, including Long, and he had bunted foul on 1-2. Josh Long hadn’t struck out anybody, although that changed when Bernie came back to bat in the top 5th and was rung up. Bottom 5th, Bernie came apart with a leadoff single by lifelong pest Tony Coca, then issued a walk to Eduardo Umanzor. Long got the bunt down this time, and Balderrama singled to center to plate the first run of the game. Mario Hurtado, carved from the same wood as Coca, hit another RBI single to left, and then Pablo Sanchez hit a 3-run bomb to right, burying the Raccoons five deep.

Only now did the brown-dressed team wake up from five innings’ worth of slumber. Myers opened the sixth with a double to left before Fowler hit a 2-run homer. Stedham and Ramos slapped singles off Long, bringing up the tying run in Tony Morales, who dutifully hit into an inning-curtailing double play. The Raccoons instead got blown out for good the next inning, in which the Baybirds put up another 5-spot on ****ty pitching by Seth Green and Antonio Prieto, a very untimely Stedham error, and a 2-run homer by Tony Coca. The two runs on Prieto and one run on Green were unearned, which didn’t exactly make the experience any nicer. Top 8th, Fowler legged out a 1-out grounder for an infield single. The Raccoons started to accumulate on base against Long, who was yanked after also putting Maldonado and Ramos on, Berto singling in Fowler, 10-3, with replacement Eric Fox retiring PH Jeff Kilmer, but walking the next pinch-hitter, Preston Pinkerton. Vickers batted for Prieto with three on and two outs, but flew out to Sanchez on the first pitch. Instead Mauricio Garavito cocked up another two runs in the bottom of the eighth, basically not retiring anybody. Unfortunately, Pablo Sanchez sprained his knee on a double in that inning, and would be heading to the DL to heal up. Manny Fernandez hit a worthless 2-run homer off Matt Diduch in the ninth. Taking two runs off the deficit didn’t make the game any less of a rout. 12-5 Bayhawks. Myers 2-5, 2B; M. Fernandez 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Ramos 3-4, RBI;

Having an DL to go on is still better than being stuck with this team. There’s no cure for THIS TEAM.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Maldonado – SS Ramos – C Kilmer – RF Pinkerton – P Sparkes
SFB: LF Balderrama – C Umanzor – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B McGrath – 3B Greer – SS A. Castillo – CF Coca – RF Roybal – P Lerma

This game also started with no runs in the early innings, but the pitchers were a bit livelier, with four strikeouts for Sparkes and three for Lerma in the early going. This time the Coons broke the ice with a Justin Fowler homer to leftfield, taking a 1-0 lead in the fourth. Marshall Greer almost reversed that move in the bottom of the inning, but was caught by Manny on the warning track.

Sparkes struck out seven through five innings, but then still hung a ball to Balderrama that was hit over the fence in leftfield to tie the game after all. When Sparkes was done after seven innings, having held the Baybirds to four hits against nine strikeouts on exactly a hundred pitches, the Raccoons were still looking for their first hit since the Fowler homer in the fourth… Sparkes would not get offensive relief in the top 8th, either, with Pinkerton whiffing, Stedham flying out to center, and Trevino flying out rather easily to right. The game would go on this dreadfully into extra innings – always good with a cross-country flight waiting impatiently at the airport – with the Bayhawks stranding the winning run on third base against Chris Wise, who gave up a leadoff double to Greer in the bottom 9th, and David Fernandez. The tie wasn’t broken until the 10th inning, where the Raccoons got their first base knock since the Fowler homer – a Jeff Kilmer homer to left-center with two outs and absolutely nobody on base! Tragically, Yeom Soung failed to hold on in the bottom 10th, conceding the tying run on a disputed full-count walk to Balderrama where he was almost tossed for staring down the home plate umpire for three-and-a-half minutes, with he runner scoring from second base on a ****ty float single by Hurtado that Pinkerton trapped, but couldn’t catch. The Raccoons’ offense remained absent (partially because Fowler and Ramos had been removed for defense in form of Hooge and Nickas), and Dusty Kulp retired nobody in his second inning of work in the 12th. Tony Salinas doubled, Balderrama singled, and Umanzor also singled to end the game. 3-2 Bayhawks. Kilmer 2-4, HR, RBI; Morales (PH) 1-1;

One walk, a dozen strikeouts. Yeah, those are ours after all……

Raccoons (9-12) @ Titans (11-11) – May 1-3, 2037

This series would probably end our season before it had ever begun. ****ty batting, ****ty pitching, ****ty defense, ****ty luck – and NOW the Titans on top of it all. Goodness gracious. Not that all was well in Boston – but their den of horrors was well known as a Raccoons graveyard, much like our own ballpark whenever the stinkin’ Elks came to town. Boston was ninth in runs scored, fourth in runs allowed, with a -2 run differential, and had a strong rotation routinely unhorsed by a porous bullpen. Not that the Raccoons would ever see that bullpen… Boston had a 2-1 lead in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Josh Weeks (2-1, 1.55 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (1-1, 2.87 ERA)
Gene Tennis (0-0) vs. Mario Gonzalez (1-1, 1.74 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (1-1, 2.92 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (1-2, 2.91 ERA)

Another two left-handed starters before we’d get a righty on Sunday.

Portland sent Cory Cronk back to AAA. He had drawn four walks, but had never landed a base hit, and now we needed the additional starting pitcher on the roster. This would be the return of Gene Tennis, who had been torn several new ones in AAA so far, going 0-3 with a 12.41 ERA and more walks than strikeouts, so he surely had a paw in that record. He was however the only pitcher available that we’d even dare to call up… Last year he had been 3-2 with a 2.73 ERA in Portland before heading to the DL.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – 1B Maldonado – CF Fowler – C Morales – RF Pinkerton – LF Hooge – SS Nickas – P Weeks
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF M. Avila – C J. Herrera – 1B B. Moore – LF Hawthorne – 2B Hansen – CF Olszewski – P T. Chavez

Trevino opened with a single, scored on a Fowler double over the head of Drew Olszewski, and then we sat down and nervously twiddled our thumbs to wait for the big counter-knell. Antonio Gil hit a double to right to begin the bottom 1st, but was stranded with three unhelpful outs after that. Bill Moore led off the bottom 2nd with a single, but also never advanced another base as Josh Weeks was digging in his heels but still gave up a home run to Moore the next time round, tying the score at one with two outs in the bottom 4th…

The game remained tied for a bit, with Weeks holding the Titans to four hits in six innings. Tony Chavez however did not allow a base hit at all to the ramshackle Raccoons lineup after the Fowler RBI double in the first inning, all the way up until Tony Morales singled up the middle with one out in the top 7th. (SIGH) … Pinkerton struck out, Hooge struck out, nothing happened. Again. In turn, John Hansen hit a 1-out double in the bottom of the inning, and while Ivan Vega was no help and grounded out in Olszewski’s place, Tony Chavez flicked a bloop single over Trevino’s glove to un-tie the game and put the Titans ahead, 2-1. Antonio Gil grounded out after that, sending the game to the eighth, in which Ramos, Vickers, and Trevino went down in order with three ****ing lazy grounders. The Titans instead hit three singles off Prieto for an insurance run in their half of the eighth, George Hawthorne plating Moises Avila with two outs. Dave Myers legged out an infield single to begin the ninth against left-hander Wyatt Hamill, which invited Manny Fernandez to pinch-hit for Maldonado, but he hit into a fielder’s choice. At least he put the ball in play. Fowler struck out. Morales struck out. 3-1 Titans. Weeks 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, L (2-2);

Four hits, no walks, 10 strikeouts. ****ing embarrassing.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – RF Maldonado – SS Ramos – C Kilmer – P Tennis
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF M. Avila – C J. Herrera – 1B B. Moore – LF Hawthorne – 2B Hansen – CF Olszewski – P M. Gonzalez

Much like on Thursday, the game was scoreless through three innings of witless flailing before Justin Fowler shut out the cork with a homer to right, tying him with Manny Fernandez for the team lead in both homers (5, which was decent enough) and RBI (13, which was not). And applause to Gene Tennis, who allowed two hits and struck out four through the first four innings, but then was invariably and unavoidably chopped up in the bottom 5th. John Hansen and Drew Olszewski hit singles, were bunted into scoring position, and of course Antonio Gil would hit a double up the leftfield line to flip the score, 2-1. Tennis walked Adam Corder, Moises Avila hit an RBI single, and the game was about over despite Juan Herrera grounding out to Myers.

Token resistance was offered in the top 6th, where the tying runs were on base with one out after singles by Myers and Fowler. Stedham grounded past the first base side of the mound, a ball which the left-handed Gonzalez couldn’t reach, falling the other way, and John Hansen was too slow hustling in – Stedham reached with a scratch infield single, and now the bases were even loaded for all .224 of Jesus Maldonado, who popped out in foul ground before Berto popped out in fair ground. There would be another chance in the top 8th, with Myers opening with another single, knocking out Gonzalez in the process. Mike Hugh replaced him, but gave up a single to Fernandez, bringing up the lukewarm Fowler with the tying runs aboard. He struck out, of course, before Stedham walked. The misery seemed to repeat itself with Maldonado back at the plate, but the difference was in the pitcher, who was now a right-hander, and the Raccoons sent Tony Morales to bat instead. He of course struck out, Ramos grounded out to second, and another full set of runners was stranded. When Seth Green shoved the bases full in the bottom 8th, the Titans of course had no trouble to get a run with a Hansen sac fly… 4-1 Titans. Myers 2-4, BB; Fowler 2-4, HR, RBI; Kilmer 2-4;

There are no words.

None.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Ottinger
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF M. Avila – C J. Herrera – CF Hawthorne – 2B Hansen – 1B Olszewski – LF I. Vega – P Willett

Willett came out stumbling, retiring Trevino before putting a string of Coons on base, and those Coons even scored a few ****ing runs. Myers singled, Manny doubled, and Fowler cashed two with a single to right-center. Stedham singled, Berto walked, putting three on for the frightening .208 appearance of Tony Morales, who had but one RBI to his name in ’37, and almost hit into a double play on 3-1, but the Titans’ plans were foiled when John Hansen had a slight bobble and then decided he wouldn’t get Berto at second base anymore. Only Morales was out, while Fowler scored. Hooge then lined out to Hansen to strand two in a 3-0 game. Not that it was 3-0 for long – the Titans didn’t even make an out before scoring off Ottinger, who stupidly walked Gil on four pitches and melted from there with Corder and Avila singles before the defense made a few plays behind him…

“Ottie” hit a leadoff single in the top 2nd, which as usual led nowhere, but Stedham and Berto hit leadoff singles in the third and got to the corners. Morales was in a 2-2 count when he hit a foul pop to left, with Ivan Vega coming along, overrunning the ball, and then having it hit off his glove while trying to reverse without getting hit in the nose. Morales used that lucky break to hit into a double play on the next pitch, but Stedham scored, so huzzah, we were lucky winners, and up 4-1. Before long, rain became an issue, but that was with the fifth inning in the books and the Raccoons still ahead by that score. We’d take the rain-shortened W in a heartbeat, but we got only a half hour delay in the middle of the sixth, and that didn’t help us a lick. While Ottinger resumed pitching after the delay, his locations were now well off and we only got two outs out of him before moving to David Fernandez, who rung up Olszewski with a guy on base. Boston removed Willett right away, with Mike Hugh dazzling the Critters again, while the bottom 7th saw Fernandez and Prieto each issue a walk before Myers got paws on a sharp bouncer by Avila to end the inning. Portland got more breathing space with Justin Fowler’s solo homer in the eighth, going up 5-1, and Yeom Soung walked Juan Camps and Antonio Gil with two outs in the ninth in a non-save situation, creating one in the process, but stayed in and got a fly from Corder to end the game after all. 5-1 Raccoons. M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B; Fowler 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Stedham 2-4; Ottinger 5.2 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, W (2-1) and 1-2;

In other news

April 29 – WAS SP Greg Fischer (3-0, 1.35 ERA) spins a 2-hitter in a 4-0 win over the Warriors. Fischer, 30, is playing in only his second full season in the major leagues, and only got his seventh career start.
April 29 – Las Vegas’ John Marz (.349, 4 HR, 28 RBI) has three hits, a home run, and 5 RBI in a 15-3 slapdown of the Loggers.
May 1 – The Miners are shut out on three hits by NAS SP Doug Clifford (3-2, 4.38 ERA), who strikes out seven in his complete-game effort. Pittsburgh on top of all loses Omar Lastrade (.297, 1 HR, 9 RBI) to a broken finger, which will cost the 31-year-old a month on the DL.
May 2 – The hitting streak of WAS 1B Adam Avakian (.322, 3 HR, 13 RBI) ends at 24 games with an 0-for-3 day in the Caps’ 4-1 loss to the Buffaloes.
May 2 – IND 2B Dan Schneller (.311, 3 HR, 11 RBI) drives in five runs on three hits in an 11-2 whooping for the Crusaders.
May 3 – LVA CL Steve Bass (0-1, 2.77 ERA, 6 SV) is out for the season with a torn rotator cuff.

FL Player of the Week: SAL C Morgan Kuhlmann (.350, 8 HR, 25 RBI), hitting .474 (9-19), 2 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: LVA RF/1B/LF John Marz (.376, 6 HR, 35 RBI), swatting .542 (13-24), 3 HR, 12 RBI

FL Batter of the Month: SAL C Morgan Kuhlmann (.333, 7 HR, 20 RBI)
CL Batter of the Month: VAN OF Jerry Outram (.357, 5 HR, 22 RBI)
FL Pitcher of the Month: TOP SP David Elliott (4-0, 1.93 ERA)
CL Pitcher of the Month: ATL CL Robbie Peel (3-0, 0.00 ERA, 5 SV)
FL Rookie of the Month: LAP C Robbie Sailas (.286, 3 HR, 7 RBI)
CL Rookie of the Month: NYC SP/MR Jeff Turi (2-0, 2.57 ERA)

Complaints and stuff

Still waiting for a winning week. Or basic decency out of the miserable lineup. The Raccoons a) suck, and b) have scored 31 of their league-worst 72 runs on home runs. That is literally all they’re doing. Besides the sucking part. If you remove home runs, it takes them more than five innings to manufacture a single measly run…

I am still wondering where we erred in roster construction. I was wondering the three leadoff batters would get into each other’s fur, but only two of them are reaching base to begin with. Berto’s BABIP is .216, though, and that sort of thing sorted itself out for a batting title once before…

…and speaking of leadoff batters; Cosmo was hitting .397 when he got hurt, then even went 2-for-2 as pinch-hitter while day-to-day. Since returning to the lineup he’s hitting .087/.125/.130 … Might be hard to trade that one with his contract and all once we’re 25 games behind the silly Indians in July.

Is there a worse fate than being named Opening Day starter for the Raccoons? Seems like whoever the poor sod is that gets thrown out there on Day One, he’ll have the most horrendous season.

Fun Fact: May 3 is the anniversary of two happy events in Raccoons lore, Juan Berrios’ no-hitter against the Loggers in 1977, and Adrian Quebell’s cycle in Vancouver in 2009.

The Raccoons scored 12 runs in both those games.

I mean, in each of them.

Individually.

Just so you understand. They scored 12 in the no-hitter, and another 12 wholly different runs in the cycle game.

So it’s 24 in all.

12 and 12.

In two games.

[pauwoo]

The Raccoons scored 12 runs in both those games.

I mean, in each of them.

Individually.

Just so you understand. They scored 12 in the no-hitter, and another 12 wholly different runs in the cycle game.

So it’s 24 in all.

12 and 12.

In two games.

Saved the best for last! Lol!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (10-14) @ Crusaders (12-13) – May 4-7, 2037

Still not sure what was wrong, the Raccoons trundled into New York, whose occupants they had beaten 14 out of 18 times in 2036, and it would really be great to get on the horse by now against anybody… New York was sixth in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed, and thus thoroughly average. Their pen was quite soft though, with an ERA of almost five.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (1-3, 4.97 ERA) vs. Brian Frain (1-2, 4.74 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (3-1, 1.71 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (1-3, 4.00 ERA)
Josh Weeks (2-2, 1.75 ERA) vs. Ignacio del Rio (3-0, 2.60 ERA)
Gene Tennis (0-1, 4.26 ERA) vs. Jeff Turi (2-1, 4.62 ERA)

The Crusaders had only right-handed starting pitchers. The start on Thursday for Tennis was contingent on whether Raffaello Sabre (0-0, 0.96 ERA) would come off the DL in time. The odds were about 50/50 as the week began.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – LF Hooge – C Kilmer – P Chavez
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – 1B K. Henderson – 3B G. Ortiz – C Dear – SS Zeltser – LF Montes – 2B Lambright – P Frain

Bernie whiffed five against two base hits, including a Greg Ortiz double to lead off the second inning, the first time through. Ortiz was stranded for a lack of follow-up contact, while the Raccoons were wholly miserable once again and Frain, an 8-year veteran of the Federal League with a fundamentally .500 lifetime record (78-77), retired them in order in the first three innings. Trevino then drew a walk to begin the fourth, was caught stealing, Myers also walked, and Fernandez and Fowler whiffed the Coons out of that inning… Come the fifth, the Raccoons walked the bags full against a seemingly melting Frain, but with Ramos, Hooge, and Kilmer aboard, Chavez stepped in to bat, 0-for-10 on the season, but a .185 batter lifetime. We had guys in the lineup with a worse batting average right now – (cough) Ed Hooge (cough) – AND Bernie came through, knocking a single past diving ex-Furball Bob Zeltser for a 2-0 lead! Trevino and Myers then ended the inning with flies to Lorenzo Herrera in center.

A 2-out walk to Jesse Stedham, his sixth in the game, was the end for Frain in the sixth inning. Rin Nomura, who had been traded to the Gold Sox at the deadline in ’29, with Bernie Chavez coming to Portland in that deal, took over and allowed a single to Berto, the first hit by a Raccoons position player in the game. Stedham reached third base, with Jesus Maldonado batting for Ed Hooge, but flying out to Aaron Botzet. The Crusaders then tied the game in the bottom of the inning, with Botzet having a stake in the rally, hitting a 1-out single. Kilmer threw the ball away on his stolen base attempt, allowing him to third base and to score on Kumanosuke Henderson’s groundout. Greg Ortiz, who I was still salty to not having been able to trade for five years ago, then hit a jack to left, which would surely make me feel much better. Andy Montes’ single and Jeremy Lambright’s double put Crusaders in scoring position in the bottom 7th, knocking out Chavez, and Chris Wise was the usual useless facilitator, conceding a run on Graciano Salto’s pinch-hit groundout, then the second one on a Herrera single to center. The Raccoons failed to react to the deficit in any way, shape or form, and cashed in another soul-bleaching loss. 4-2 Crusaders.

Nothing that I say or do will make this any better, so please excuse me, I have to keep my lips on that bottle neck at all times.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – RF Maldonado – SS Nickas – P Sparkes
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – LF Salto – 1B K. Henderson – 3B G. Ortiz – C Dear – SS Zeltser – 2B Lambright – P E. Cannon

The Tuesday game looked like it would come apart on Jesse Stedham dropping Greg Ortiz’ pop to begin the bottom 2nd, which gave the Crusaders an extra out for their pitcher, Eddie Cannon, to score him with the bases loaded and a sac fly against a wobbly Bryce Sparkes, who walked Herrera to fill the bags again before handling Botzet’s grounder to end the inning, trailing 1-0. Portland tied that the following inning when Trevino got a ball over Herrera’s head for a triple, then scored on Myers’ groundout.

Nothing happened, really, until the sixth, in which the Coons hit three singles and into a double play in between (Fernandez), then seeing Fowler and Stedham on the corners with two outs for Tony Morales, still soul-searching for his batting skills. Well, at least he found a double, a HARD liner past a confused Henderson and up the rightfield line for a 2-out, 2-run double, giving Portland a 3-1 lead. Not that it eased the struggle. Maldonado grounded out to leave Morales on second base, but at least Sparkes held up without allowing an earned run, finishing seven innings of 4-hit ball on 106 pitches before being replaced (although he also bunted into a double play in the top 7th after NICKAS reached base for once…), and the Raccoons could try to find something in their pen. Bottom 8th, Fernandez struck out Botzet, then immediately yielded for Prieto, who whiffed Salto. Henderson singled, but Ortiz grounded out calmly. The Raccoons got a pinch-hit double from Ed Hooge in the top 9th, but Stedham was thrown out at home plate trying to score with two outs, and thus Yeom Soung appeared with a 2-run advantage only. Pop, grounder, K went the Crusaders. 3-1 Coons. Stedham 2-3, BB; Hooge (PH) 1-1, 2B; Sparkes 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, W (4-1);

That is a nope on getting to even three full runs per game. If Stedham had scored, they’d have made it. COME ON BOYS. All we need is A ****ING FOUR ON THE SCOREBOARD!!

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – CF Maldonado – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Weeks
NYC: CF L. Herrera – RF Botzet – LF Salto – 1B K. Henderson – 2B G. Ortiz – 3B Zeltser – C Duryea - SS Lambright – P del Rio

After three innings of senseless poking by the Raccoons, the Crusaders went to work on Weeks in the bottom 3rd. Michael Duryea singled to right, Jeremy Lambright doubled to left, and then professional ***hole Ignacio del Rio, who had been supposed to pitch the Raccoons to a title with Bernie and Sabre, rocked a double into the leftfield corner to make it 2-0 New York. He scored on groundouts, 3-0, and the Raccoons were already pretty much defeated. After both teams’ first baseman hit a solo homer in the fourth inning that didn’t do much to the Raccoons’ overall misery and successlessness, Weeks was torn up for good in the bottom 5th. With two outs, Herrera and Botzet hit singles, Salto hit a 2-run double, and Henderson hit a 2-run homer to right. Seth Green was then supposed to pitch long relief, which didn’t go well for long, either. By the seventh, the Crusaders were circling over him, with Duryea hitting a single, and Lambright reaching on a Trevino error. Del Rio plated another run, causing me additional internal bleeding, and then they crushed him under an avalanche of singles and walks. Duryea was back up by the time Green was yanked, with three runs in, three on board, and only one out. Prieto ended the meltdown with a K and a fly to center. Manny Fernandez would hit a meaningless 2-run homer off del Rio in the eighth that would totally show the guy, and the Crusaders got them back off Garavito and Kulp in the bottom of the inning. A Morales error was involved in that particular ****ty inning. 13-3 Crusaders. M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI;

My first reaction was to tumble along all the hotel corridors at two in the morning before falling through the unlocked door to Weeks’ room and barfing on the carpet there. So that game had really gotten to me.

Then we kicked Seth Green (9.53 ERA) onto waivers and then maybe back to St. Petersburg (or maybe not, who cares) and called up a new muppet. Dennis Citriniti was brought back for no good reason.

The Raccoons continued to give out a day off to a regular each day. It was to be Myers’ turn on Thursday.

Game 4
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Ramos – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 3B Maldonado – C Kilmer – RF Pinkerton – P Tennis
NYC: CF L. Herrera – 3B Stephenson – LF Salto – 1B K. Henderson – 2B G. Ortiz – C Dear – RF Montes – SS Lambright – P Turi

For something new, Cosmo opened the game with a jack to right, putting Portland up 1-0 against April’s Rookie of the Month. Fowler nearly hit another jack in the inning, but was caught at the fence by Andy Montes. He did however get an RBI the next time through, plating Berto with a sac fly on a rare Ramos Special. Berto had been brushed by a pitch and had stolen his sixth base in the leadup to the sac fly, which moved the score to 2-0.

While defense was holding Tennis together, who walked three in four innings and got two very necessary double plays to remain unscored upon, the weather converged on the Crusaders’ ballpark and gave everybody a half-hour break in the top 5th just after Trevino’s leadoff triple to right against Turi, who resumed pitching after the rain delay, continuing on 57 pitches. Berto hit a sac fly, 3-0, but that was again all from the offense. Tennis, on 56 pitches, also came back for the fifth inning and retired the 5-6-7 batters on two pops and a long fly out to the fence in left. He didn’t really get in trouble until Lorenzo Herrera hit a triple in the sixth inning, but that was also a Fowler misplay and Tennis got a groundout from Josh Stephenson to remain unscored upon. Decent relief by Dusty Kulp and David Fernandez cleared the next two innings, setting up Soung again, but before we could go there, the Raccoons had a bit of a 2-out uprising against Tony Fuentes in the ninth inning. Tony Morales, hitting for Fernandez in the #9 hole, Trevino, and Berto all hit singles to tack on a run, and Montes’ throw to home plate allowed the trailing runners to advance. Man of the Year 2036 Manny Fernandez however popped out… The ball went to Chris Wise instead in the bottom 9th, especially with only right-handers coming up, and a Stephenson single aside he handled the Crusaders perfectly fine and secured the series split. 4-0 Coons. Trevino 3-5, HR, 3B, RBI; Morales (PH) 1-1; Tennis 6.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 2 K, W (1-1);

As thank you for the solid start, Tennis was sent to the bullpen rather than the Alley Cats. He’d replace Citriniti, who was bused down to Florida without having seen action when Sabre was activated from the DL after the series.

Raccoons (12-16) @ Cyclones (15-12) – May 8-10, 2037

The Raccoons hadn’t seen the Cyclones since 2033 and hadn’t won a series from them since 2025, and nothing really hinted at them doing it this time around, either… Pitching was their problem, conceding the most runs in the Federal League, but relief had just rolled into their ballpark, with the Raccoons unable to hit a barn from the inside. Offensively, Cincy ranked fifth in the FL, but their run differential of -9 was of concern. The Coons’ was -16, so yeah, there was that…

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (0-0, 0.96 ERA) vs. Ernesto Lujan (2-2, 5.58 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (2-1, 2.67 ERA) vs. Dave Martinez (2-3, 8.28 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (1-4, 5.09 ERA) vs. Emilio DeClerk (2-1, 5.18 ERA)

For reasons of a double header this week, Sunday could also see Nick Danieley (1-2, 5.82 ERA) take the ball. Both him and DeClerk had pitched on Wednesday. All four of them were right-handers, however. Dave Martinez was an ex-Coon with a 4.62 career ERA, so a shutout was likely on Saturday…

Days off were interrupted on Friday – I wanted them to make a statement, offensively. A heroic four runs on Thursday had lifted the Coons to 3.00 runs per game, and if they didn’t get swinging against this pitching, they never would.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Sabre
CIN: SS B. Cruz – 3B Lusk – 1B Delagrange – RF Brito – CF Oshiita – C Cedillo – LF Will Ojeda – 2B E. Williams – P Lujan

Cosmo led off with a single, stole second, and Myers walked behind him. Manny ripped an RBI double to left, Fowler walked to fill the bases, and then Jesse Stedham fell to 2-2 before hitting a ball to center. High. Deep. GRAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!

Lujan kept getting romped further. Berto grounded out, but Morales reached base and Ed Hooge hit a long home run to right, 7-0! Statement made, the Raccoons laid down for a snooze then, but at least Sabre was solid, holding the Cyclones off until the fourth, where Juan Brito walked, Dick Oshiita doubled, and the runners scored on a Rey Cedillo sac fly and then a throwing error by Morales. Those were the only runs off Sabre, who sprinkled seven hits fairly evenly and allowed only one earned run in seven innings, getting just over 100 pitches in the process. The offense was still off to dinner, and the bullpen then started to melt with Garavito walking Chris Delagrange in the bottom 8th before being taken deep by Oshiita, 7-4. Soung then began the ninth with a walk to Elijah Williams before Jorge Santa Cruz softly rolled a single through between Myers and Ramos. The tying run came up with nobody out, and it would be .239 batter Tim Stalker, pinch-hitting for Bob Cruz – and hitting into a double play. Geeeez. Kyle Lusk made the third out to Trevino to end the game then. 7-4 Raccoons. Myers 2-3, 2 BB; Stedham 1-4, HR, 4 RBI; Hooge 2-3, HR, 3 RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (1-0);

Offense! … Let’s just ignore the eight scoreless at the end there…

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – LF Hooge – C Morales – 2B Vickers – P Ottinger
CIN: 3B Lusk – LF Gibbs – 1B Delagrange – RF Brito – CF Oshiita – C Cedillo – SS Majano – 2B E. Williams – P D. Martinez

Ramos Special in the first, with Berto drawing a walk, stealing his seventh base, and coming home on a Myers grounder and a Manny single to right. Manny then stole second and scored on a Stedham double for an early 2-0 lead. Ottinger felt pressure early, putting Brito and Oshiita on to begin the second, but Cedillo hit into a double play and got Alex Majano to ground out. Elijah Williams drew a leadoff walk in the third, but was caught stealing. Ken Gibbs had a leadoff single in the fourth, but Delagrange hit into a double play. It was outs on the board alright, but it was not exactly comfortably watchable.

For relief, Jared Ottinger gave himself an extra run with a 1-out double in the top 5th, plating Morales, who had hit a ball over Oshiita to begin the inning. When Berto rolled a ball through between Williams and Majano, an ugly 0-2 chopper, for a single, Ottinger rushed around to score, 4-0. Myers lined out, but Manny Fernandez reached with two outs, and then Justin Fowler also reached – the seats in right, a long 3-run homer, getting him to 20 RBI, the first Critter to reach that mark. It also gave Ottie a 7-0 lead, which should lead to more comfort with his raw pitchcraft. And with the additional lead he even pitched better; he didn’t allow a runner in the fifth and sixth, and only a single in the seventh. Majano and Stalker both ran 3-ball counts in the eighth, but made poor outs to help him out. Ottie entered the bottom 9th on 85 pitches, facing PH Santa Cruz, who struck out on three pitches. Lusk lined out to first on the first pitch he saw. And on the pitch after that Ken Gibbs hit a bomb to right…. Noooo!!! All our dreams!! He still finished the game, popping out Delagrange to short. 7-1 Raccoons! M. Fernandez 2-4, RBI; Ottinger 9.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (3-1) and 1-3, 2B, RBI;

Good, boys! Good! Now go for the throat!

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – RF Maldonado – P Chavez
CIN: 3B Lusk – SS Stalker – 1B Delagrange – RF Brito – CF Oshiita – C Cedillo – LF Will Ojeda – 2B E. Williams – P Danieley

Berto was again involved with the first run, doubling to left in the second inning with Fowler (single) and Stedham (walk) already on base. One run in, Tony Morales procured two more with a sharp single up the rightfield line that was cut off by Juan Brito, but was still enough for Berto to hustle home from second base. Morales also scored after advancing on a groundout, being singled home by Cosmo Trevino before the inning fizzled out when Trevino was caught stealing. Oshiita would ram a solo homer for his 8th of the year in the bottom of the inning, getting one run back from Bernie Chavez, who managed to walk Danieley in the third inning, but somehow survived that adventure…

Cosmo came up with another 2-out knock to plate run(s) in the fourth inning. Berto and Maldonado were in scoring position after Bernie bunted them over, and Trevino ripped a double to center to get both in for a 6-1 lead. Dave Myers grounder out after that. Chavez proceeded to load the bases with one out in the bottom 4th, but got a pop from Ojeda and Myers to swipe Williams’ line drive to strand all runners. Bernie got stuck in the sixth then, walking Oshiita before serving up a bomb to Cedillo and narrowing the gap to 6-3. He put Ojeda on base before being yanked, with Dusty Kulp navigating out of the inning without any further damage to the score, even when Trevino fumbled a Majano grounder. Kulp got three outs in total, same as Garavito, before Soung took the ball with two outs in the eighth and still up 6-3. A double switch removed Fowler for defense, with Ed Hooge to bat ninth. Soung ended the eighth on one pitch, popping up Ojeda. Andy Hyden struck out the side in the top 9th, including Hooge, and with that Soung returned also against the 8-9-1 batters. Williams whiffed in a full count, Santa Cruz struck out before that, but Lusk singled with two outs. Soung uncharacteristically melted slightly, threw a wild pitch, and allowed a run on Tim Stalker’s single, but then got Delagrange to ground out rather easily. 6-4 Furballs! Trevino 2-4, BB, 2B, 3 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4; Ramos 2-4, 2B, RBI;

In other news

May 5 – DEN RF/LF Kyle Beard (.238, 2 HR, 11 RBI) goes yard for the only run in the Gold Sox’ 1-0 win over the Scorpions.
May 6 – MIL SP Sergio Piedra (2-1, 3.65 ERA) and two relievers 1-hit the Titans in a 4-0 Milwaukee win. Only BOS 3B/2B Adam Corder (.241, 1 HR, 9 RBI) manages to reach base with a ball put in play.
May 10 – Oklahoma’s 2B Andy Hughes (.294, 0 HR, 6 RBI) has five hits and three RBI in a 12-11 slugfest against the Stars.

FL Player of the Week: DAL 2B Hugo Acosta (.397, 0 HR, 20 RBI) hit .484 (15-31) with 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: MIL OF Danny Valenzuela (.290, 1 HR, 11 RBI) batted .481 (13-27) with 1 HR, 6 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Finally the offense showed up! It was only against the worst rotation in the country, but they scored 20 runs in a 3-game set, and that is some much-needed treatment for the old corners of the mouth…! We even made it to 10th in runs scored in the CL – what lofty heights!

BABIP is a major issue for the team, which makes me believe we’re still going to have a good season. Cosmo has a .340 BABIP. Myers’ .292 BABIP is still normal. Then it gets bitter, quick. Fernandez and Morales in the .270s, Fowler and Stedham in the .250s. Kilmer .240. Berto, Maldonado, Nickas all around .230… and then Hooge at .196, Pinkerton at .188, and Vickers at .121 … that is … oh boy!

Bryce Sparkes leads all of baseball in ERA with his 1.40 mark! He also has almost a strikeout per inning and a 4-1 record. He pretty much got all the run support in the early weeks… Nothing in his career with Charlotte hints at him being able to hold that pace, so things stay interesting going forwards…

Next week, Monday off, then the Stars at home. We’ll be in Milwaukee on the weekend. After that it’s a home week, with the first meeting with the damn Elks.

Fun Fact: The Cyclones are one of four teams the Raccoons have an all-time losing record against in the regular season.

Even with the sweep, we’re 47-49 (.490) against them over the league’s lifetime. The other three?

Gold Sox 42-45 (.483)
Titans 516-571 (.475)
Warriors 33-42 (.440)

We’ll still see the Titans plenty this season, but neither of the two other FL teams is on our 2037 pocket schedule.

[Questdog]

A nice pick me up for my downer day! Thanks!

[Westheim]

No, Nick, I don’t know whether the team would hit more if we filled the field with lava during the bottom halves of innings. – That’s true, Nick, we haven’t *tried* that yet. – Where am I supposed to get 12,000 imperial gallons of lava from now??

Raccoons (15-16) vs. Stars (14-17) – May 12-14, 2037

The Stars had the best offense in the Federal League thanks at least in part to their shoebox of a ballpark. They were also giving up the very most runs with a rancid rotation and an outright obnoxious bullpen that was pushing hard at the 6 ERA mark. That was the worst mark in the majors; the rotation was third from the bottom in the FL. Contrary to popular opinion, the Stars were also strong stealing bases, leading the FL with 34 (Coons, somehow, 4th with 19), although the bases were only 72 feet apart in their park because it was a goddamn shoebox. This series was played in a standard-sized park though, with the mild problem that the home team played like they were trying to hit the baseball on Jupiter… We had last seen Dallas in 2035, then winning two out of three games.

Projected matchups:
Bryce Sparkes (4-1, 1.40 ERA) vs. Jong-hoo Cho (3-3, 3.34 ERA)
Josh Weeks (2-3, 3.32 ERA) vs. Mike Barnett (2-2, 3.60 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (1-0, 1.10 ERA) vs. Paul Metzler (1-2, 5.67 ERA)

Again, no southpaw to be seen. All the Stars’ starters were right-handers.

Game 1
DAL: 3B J. Ramos – CF Cassell – 2B H. Acosta – LF DeVita – RF Sagredo – 1B R. Morales – C Resendez – SS Riquenes – P Cho
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS A. Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Sparkes

Hugo Acosta singled and stole second base in the first inning, so that game WOULD be on in Portland regardless. When Trevino hit a 2-out single in the bottom 3rd, he was of course thrown out by Jorge Resendez, because we couldn’t have nice things and greed was not becoming us. Portland would not reach scoring position until the bottom 4th, too late for both Nick Valdes’ taste and mine. Dave Myers and Manny Fernandez (M! V! P!) reached the corners with leadoff singles, setting up Justin Fowler for - … a shallow fly to center that was no help whatsoever. Cho then actually balked in the game’s first run, which aligned well with my general philosophy of “whatever the **** works”. Berto would knock home Manny with two outs, giving Sparkes a 2-0 lead, with the right-hander then spontaneously walking two in the fifth inning, Roberto Morales (who was forced out by Resendez) and Sergio Riquenes. Cho then bunted into a double play and was by now close to being named Raccoons’ Guy of the Game.

The lead went bust in the sixth, in which Sparkes lost all cohesion, allowed a leadoff double to Jon Ramos, threw a wild pitch, and had his zero taken away by Acosta’s single. Acosta promptly stole his 18th base (getting close to the Coons’ team total), with another walk to Luis Sagredo (who was run for by John Pavel) coming. Roberto Morales lined an RBI single to shallow right-center to tie the game with two outs before Resendez grounded out. At least Sparkes was out of the inning, then was back in the lead posthumously with Manny Fernandez’ leadoff home run in the bottom 6th, 3-2. Fowler singled, was forced out by Jesse Stedham, and Berto walked, knocking out Cho. Tony Morales flew out against lefty Alexander Lewis, with Maldonado then batting for Hooge, but popping out at 1-2, stranding the runners. Come the seventh, Garavito allowed Riquenes on base by giving him a welt with a fastball. The Stars came awfully close to toppling the score when even after Prieto replaced Garavito, he still walked PH Luigi Banfi with two outs, putting two on for when Acosta, batting a mild .410, slapped a hard spiker at the first base bag that bounced only once – but right into Stedham’s glove as the Critters’ first baseman was in the process of falling onto said base. Acosta was out by 80 feet, and the Coons held on to a 3-2 lead for now. Prieto went on to fill the bases with two singles and a walk in the eighth inning, bringing up Kevin Harenberg, twice a Coon, with two outs and the bases loaded. David Fernandez would see to Harenberg, who flew out to Fowler, and the Raccoons pulled their stripey tails out of the door *again* as it was about so slam shut. The Raccoons also loaded them up in the bottom 8th – Fowler drew a 1-out walk off Adrian McQuinn, but Stedham popped out. Vickers then batted for David Fernandez (Berto had been removed in a double switch even earlier) and improved his .121 BABIP immediately with a single to left. Jeff Kilmer hit for Morales against the southpaw and was drilled, but that got us back to Maldonado and his .191 bat, and there was no improvement to that – he struck out. Soung would produce grounders to left in the ninth inning. Jon Ramos grounded out to Nickas at short. Luigi Banfi legged out an infield roller in Myers’ direction that died halfway up the third base line. Acosta however slapped a hard grounder to left, right at Nickas, and the Coons turned the 6-4-3 on it. 3-2 Critters. Myers 2-4; M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, RBI; Ramos 1-2, BB, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1;

Back to .500!

I know, Nick, that’s not the goal this year. – Why would you bet a hundred million dollars on the Raccoons when they’re only 6-to-1???

Game 2
DAL: 3B J. Ramos – CF Cassell – 2B H. Acosta – RF DeVita – LF Madsen – C F. Garcia – 1B Resendez – SS Riquenes – P Barnett
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS A. Ramos – C Morales – RF Maldonado– P Weeks

With their owner either very committed or very insane, the Raccoons took a 1-0 lead in the bottom 1st on singles by their 2-3-4 batters before hitting two grounders to short to kill the inning, but Fernando Garcia annulled the lead with a solo homer in the following half-inning. While Berto stranded a pair in the first, he was up again with a pair (Fernandez, Fowler) aboard in the bottom 3rd and then didn’t disappoint, hitting a double up the leftfield line to the roar of the crowd. Both runners scored, and Berto scored on Tony Morales’ single right after.

The Raccoons seemed fine with scoring four runs, which was a worrying trend I tried to buck with extra candy for every run they scored in a game past the fifth. They were slimming down, though… The Stars were not seriously harassing Weeks until he put a pair on in the sixth, but then struck out Marc DeVita to bail out. Abel Madsen drew a leadoff walk in the seventh, but was doubled up by Garcia’s grounder to short. Things seemed fine until back-to-back 2-out doubles by the 7-8 batters scored a run after all, and while Weeks retired Banfi on a groundout when he pinch-hit for Barnett, he was also done after 104 pitches, not all of them great. Berto batted with two on (Myers, Fowler) and two outs for the third time in the bottom 7th, but grounded out against Jason Frank and his 8.49 ERA.

Top 8th, David Fernandez against the top of the order. Jon Ramos singled and advanced on a groundout, but Acosta was rung up, dropping to .400, the sucker. DeVita however poked a 2-2 up the middle past a diving Berto Ramos, allowing the other Ramos to make for home – where Fowler hammered him out with a top-notch throw! Portland tacked on a run in the bottom of the inning, which began with Morales and Maldonado hits, but didn’t lead further than a Trevino sac fly. Both Hooge, pinch-hitting, and Myers made poor outs against Frank. Chris Wise retired a bunch of right-handers in order to put the game away then. 5-2 Raccoons. Myers 2-5; Fowler 2-2, 2 BB, RBI; Morales 2-4, RBI; Weeks 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (3-3);

Winning record! Look, Nick! A winning record! We’re ahead of the Titans, too!

Still no fudge bars though.

It didn’t look like we’d see a southpaw on the weekend either, so we’d try to get everybody involved a bit against right-handed pitching. Maldonado and Pinkerton were both in the lineup on Thursday, and Vickers and Kilmer were pencilled in for Friday. – Who, Maud? – Who’s Steven Ickies?

Game 3
DAL: 3B J. Ramos – CF Cassell – 2B H. Acosta – LF DeVita – RF Sagredo – 1B R. Morales – C Resendez – SS Riquenes – P Metzler
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – SS A. Ramos – 1B Maldonado – C Morales – RF Pinkerton – P Sabre

Jon Ramos opened the game with a triple and scored on Acosta’s sac fly, giving Dallas the early edge, but the Critters were on the corners with two singles to begin their offensive day, and kept going with Manny’s RBI single through the left side, tying the score. Then Myers was caught stealing third, Fowler whiffed, and Berto grounded out. Oh boy. Sabre was then taken apart in the third inning, which began with a lamentable Paul Metzler single, and before long the bases were full thanks to a pair of walks. Acosta hit a run-scoring groundout, DeVita ripped an RBI single that Pinkerton just narrowly kept from going for extra bases, and then another walk to Luis Sagredo filled the bags again in a game that was already 3-1 and getting away fast. Roberto Morales’ grounder to right was good for only one out and yet another run. Resendez whiffed, keeping two runners in scoring position in a 4-1 game… Remember, boys! There’s fudge if you score more than five runs!!

The fudge was maybe safe, though. Manny singled in the bottom 3rd, gained a base on DeVita’s error handling the ball, and Fowler reached on an outright error by Riquenes, but after RBI singles by Berto and Maldonado the inning fizzled out fast against the bottom of the order. Or maybe the Stars would continue to make errors – Acosta’s 2-base throwing error on Trevino’s grounder in the bottom 4th was their *fourth* error in the game, but the Raccoons still couldn’t buy a major knock… Myers walked, but Fernandez and Fowler made poor outs, with Berto batting with the runners in scoring position and grounding to Riquenes – who botched the ball. That was FIVE errors, and the tying run coming across, tying the score at four. It was 5-4 Coons when Myers scored on a wild pitch, but that would be all for the time being.

Sabre hung on to dear life for six innings of thoroughly muddled baseball, after which the Raccoons moved to Gene Tennis in relief against the 8-9-1 batters. He struck out Riquenes before gradually becoming a problem, walking Jon Ramos with two outs and also putting PH Luigi Banfi on base with a single. Acosta, a switch-hitter that was better against right-handers, fell to 0-2, then flew out to center. Garavito and Kulp held the Stars away in the eighth, and with the offense obviously being done and having no interest in fudge bars, the ninth began with a Riquenes double off “The Warden” Soung. Fernando Garcia grounded out to short, keeping the tying run at second base at least, but we had surely enjoyed the 2036 Yeom Soung more. He had Jon Ramos at 0-2, but ended up walking him, then gave up a LOUD fly to John Pavel to center that nevertheless Fowler remained master of. Acosta was back, now batting .392 with runners on the corners at this point, hit a liner well over Ramos, and there was Manny Fernandez racing in, sliding – and he made the catch!!! Ballgame!! 5-4 Raccoons!! Trevino 2-5; Myers 2-4, BB; M. Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Pinkerton 1-2, 2 BB;

(tries to keep Myers, Manny, and Maldonado out of the fudge bars) No! NO!! You didn’t score more than five runs!! – Stop growling at me!! – Jesus, I will roll up a newspaper if you don’t let go!!

There, they scurry off, moping. – Yes, Nick, you can have a fudge bar. – (Valdes grins like a little kid)

Raccoons (18-16) @ Loggers (13-21) – May 15-17, 2037

The Loggers were quite terrible, sitting in last place in the North and also dropping steeply, with only three wins in their last 11 games. They were second from the bottom in offense in the CL with 113 runs scored (Coons: 10th, 117), and their pitching was not much better, them allowing the third-most runs and already having a -38 run differential, on pace for a 181-run deficit. They were however up 2-1 on the Coons this season.

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (3-1, 2.29 ERA) vs. Vinny Olguin (0-7, 5.59 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-4, 5.05 ERA) vs. Sal Chavez (1-0, 3.18 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (5-1, 1.61 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (3-2, 2.79 ERA)

All southpaws in this set!

Game 1
POR: 3B Trevino – SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – 2B Vickers – LF Hooge – C Kilmer – P Ottinger
MIL: LF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 2B McWhirter – 3B Conner – RF Valenzuela – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – CF Prestwood – P Olguin

Ottie hadn’t gotten the memo and gave up a run in the first inning, walking Tony Romero, giving up a single to Ted Del Vecchio, and then Bill McWhirter was on call with a run-scoring groundout. Rain in the forecast became an early, though infrequent drizzle, but the Raccoons at least tied the game on hits by Fowler and Hooge in the second, then took the lead with a Trevino leadoff triple and a groundout in the third inning. Cosmo Trevino did himself one better the next time around, hitting a solo homer in the fifth inning for a 3-1 lead.

There was a very brief rain delay in the bottom 5th, when there was no hope of snatching a rain-shortened W anyway since it was too early with the Loggers trailing. Play resumed after barely a quarter of an hour, however, and both pitchers seemed to still be in full juice. Or at least it appeared so. While the Raccoons were still having to fight for every single, Ottinger melted away in the bottom 6th. Bill McWhirter walked, and then Danny Valenzuela, who had already singled to extend a hitting streak to 17 games, hit a single to left. When zombie-paced Matt Cooper legged out an infield single on Kilmer, the bags were full with one out and the Raccoons longed for a new pitcher. Garavito came on for Salvador Ayala only, with Wise lining up to face Tyler Prestwood after that, but Garavito got a double play grounder to Vickers, and 4-6-3 went the Loggers. (blows with full cheeks and anxiously vibrating whiskers)

Ed Hooge gave the Critters more length with a leadoff jack to right in the seventh inning, extending the score to 4-1, still two runs short of FUDGE BARS!! Jeff Kilmer singled after that, but was ignored by Myers, Trevino, and Ramos, and instead Dusty Kulp coughed up three singles and a run – RBI to McWhirter – in the bottom 7th, narrowing the gap to 4-2 again. Top 8th, another leadoff jack, this time Magic Manny, taking the team lead with eight. The Loggers then crumbled to put Fowler and Hooge on base, and Kilmer singled through the right side for an RBI single, and that was 6-2, and that was fudge bars for everybody! Hooray!! The Loggers were so demoralized because nobody would promise them fudge bars for anything that they would not reach base again facing Tennis and Prieto in the final innings. 6-2 Raccoons! Trevino 2-5, HR, 3B, RBI; Fowler 2-4; Hooge 3-4, HR, 2 RBI; Kilmer 2-3, BB, RBI;

(stands in the midst of 25 Raccoons covered in fudge and making awful smacking noises) Totally worth it.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – C Morales – SS Ramos – CF Maldonado – LF Hooge – P B. Chavez
MIL: LF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – 2B McWhirter – 3B Conner – RF Valenzuela – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – CF Prestwood – P S. Chavez

Up 1-0 and with three on and two outs, Maldonado fell to 0-2 and then popped out to end the top of the first, which didn’t improve his position on the team one bit. Trevino however had singled, stolen a base, and come home on a Fernandez sac fly, so was that a Cosmo Special? The Raccoons went on to strand Hooge on third base in the second, Fernandez on second base in the third, and then apparently went to bed. Bernie had Romero on in the first, then Valenzuela in the second, but he was caught trying to steal third base.

Come the fifth, Dave Myers was on second base with two outs. When Morales singled to center, Myers was waved around and thrown out at home plate by Prestwood. Berto was on base to begin the sixth, but was doubled up by Maldonado before he could even try to make a move on Sal Chavez. While Bernie Chavez was serviceable on the mound, allowing two hits and two walks through six innings, but not getting many strikeouts at all in a 1-0 game, he also drew a leadoff walk in the top 7th, but had to stop at third base on Cosmo’s wallbanger that followed. Runners in scoring position, no outs – but now, boys! Now! Dave Myers slapped a single to right and a bit up the line on the very next pitch for a 2-run single, and there was the breathing space, 3-0! Sal Chavez allowed an infield single to Manny, then nailed Stedham, giving Morales three on and no outs. He struck out, but Berto found a place to roll a grounder where the Loggers wouldn’t turn two, bringing in a run while being retired nonetheless. That brought up Maldonado again, down 0-for-3 with a double play and batting only .190. He had to at least make good contact here. He HAD to. And he did – winning the team fudge in the process with a 2-out, 2-run triple over the head of Prestwood, extending the lead to 6-0! Hooge grounded out, but 6-0 should be enough for Bernie on 75 pitches to either finish himself, or at least spare the pen major efforts. He retired the Loggers’ 4-5-6 in order in the bottom 7th before batting for himself (and popping out). Valenzuela was still dry, putting his 17-game hitting streak in danger unless Milwaukee would carry the stick back around to him – and they would, with two singles off Bernie in the bottom 8th, yet no runs. Bernie was on 101 pitches entering the ninth, but he’d at least get the chance for the shutout – McWhirter immediately singled to left, but Josh Conner popped out. That brought back Valenzuela, who flew easily to Maldonado on the first pitch, killing the streak for good. Bernie however walked Cooper, and that put him at 113 pitches. Sal Ayala would be his final batter, the pitching coach made abundantly clear in not so many words. Ayala popped out at 1-1, and Bernie had a complete-game 5-hitter! 6-0 Furballs! Trevino 2-5, 2B; Myers 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Morales 2-4, 2B; Ramos 2-4, RBI; Hooge 2-5; Chavez 9.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 4 K, W (3-4) and 0-1, BB;

Alright boys, one more to have a sweep week!

Preston, don’t choke on the fudge. – You have to… - No. – Don’t…! – Dr. Chung! Dr. Chung! Or anybody! Can anybody hear apply the Heimlich maneuver??

The Raccoons were going to send out a conventional lineup for Sunday … but the game was rained out. Preston Pinkerton wouldn’t have played, but at least didn’t choke to death.

In other news

May 11 – A pretty severe hamstring strain will put BOS OF/2B Moises Avila (.273, 0 HR, 12 RBI) on the shelf for at least two months, dampening the Titans’ joy over a 15-inning, 9-8 win over the Gold Sox.
May 13 – More bad news in Boston – SP Andy Bressner (1-2, 5.30 ERA) is out for about four months with a partially torn labrum.
May 16 – The Bayhawks rush the Thunder, 11-4, with LF/RF Edwin Rendon (.333, 2 HR, 9 RBI) chipping in a pinch-hit grand slam.
May 16 – The Falcons reach the .250 mark with a 16-4 blowout of the Condors. Every Falcons player in the lineup has at least one hit and scores at least one run. Six of them have RBIs. CHA SP Chris Turner (4-2, 2.06 ERA) pitches six innings of 2-run ball and knocks out four base hits with 2 RBI.

FL Player of the Week: NAS OF Raul Sanchez (.353, 2 HR, 15 RBI) hitting .647 (11-17) with 1 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: CHA C Ernesto Huichapa (.266, 4 HR, 22 RBI) batting .423 (11-26) with 2 HR, 8 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Sunday’s rainout has been postponed until June, giving the Critters two days off in a row now and then a double-header in the final series of a 20-day string without an off day. Brilliant! We’ll cuss more about this once we get there.

The Raccoons have won nine in a row, but the Indians have won seven in a row, including a sweep of the crumbling Titans this weekend. Like us, Indy does it with pitching.

The Coons’ run differential is now +10, with the fewest runs allowed (3.3) and the second-fewest runs scored (3.5) per game. At least the latter number is slowly traipsing up. This week we scored five runs per game (and allowed just two).

Bernie had his third career shutout on Saturday, and the second against the Loggers. He 4-hit them last September. His best effort was a 2-hitter against the damn Elks last April.

Fun Fact: Thursday’s lucky win over the Stars put the Raccoons at 5,028-4,728 all time, the first time they reached the mark of +300 in regular season competition.

That is a .515 mark and not entirely shabby for a franchise. In fact, only six ABL teams had that high an all-time winning percentage. Besides Portland those were the Thunder (.515), Capitals (.517), Condors (.519), Warriors (.527), and Titans (.527).

[Westheim]

Raccoons (20-16) vs. Canadiens (21-15) – May 19-21, 2037

Wonderful – now it smells in here. The damn Elks were second in the North, one game ahead of the Critters. They were sixth in runs scored and third in runs allowed, with a +22 run differential. Their offense was mainly built around contact and power and had little to offer where speed was concerned. They also had one of the worst defenses in the league. This was the first meeting with them in ’37, bad enough, meaning there were so many games left with them…… Last year the Raccoons had won 10 of 18 games.

Projected matchups:
Bryce Sparkes (5-1, 1.61 ERA) vs. Corey Booth (3-1, 2.28 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-0, 2.42 ERA) vs. Bryce Neal (5-1, 2.31 ERA)
Josh Weeks (3-3, 3.21 ERA) vs. Joe West (3-1, 3.14 ERA)

Right, left, right. The Raccoons would also have to pull all the strings they knew of to protect their 9-game winning streak.

Game 1
VAN: 2B Morrow – 1B J. Lopez – CF Outram – RF Phillips – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – SS Cabral – 3B Schneider – P Booth
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Sparkes

Bryce Sparkes allowed only one base runner the first time through, awkwardly enough walking the opposing pitcher in the third inning, while the Raccoons were also largely ineffective against Booth until they strung together some hits with two outs in the bottom 3rd. Trevino singled, Myers singled, and Fernandez found some space between Jesse LeJeune and Jerry Outram. Trevino scored on the double, but Dave Myers was thrown out at the plate to end the inning. That was LeJeune’s deed and he would also get the damn Elks’ first base hit, a fifth inning single that nevertheless saw him stranded on base. LeJeune also hit a deep fly to right in the seventh inning, but had the ball caught on the warning track by Fernandez. The score remained 1-0 through seven, with Sparkes still on the 1-hitter. He struck out Ramon Cabral to begin the top 8th, his ninth victim of the game, Brian Schneider was out on a grounder to third, and Booth struck out to make it ten as the Elks seemingly liked the Coons flailing helplessly against him – that one run be damned – and also liked to see their top of the order to have a go in the ninth. Yeom Soung struck out Eric Morrow, but Johnny Lopez singled to left and was run for by Alex Perez, a rookie said to be *fast*. Then the baseball gods had a go – both Jerry Outram and Ryan Phillips legged out infield singles while the Raccoons were running around the infield like chicken. Bags full, one out, Soung struck out Timóteo Clemente, before Pat Pohl would hit for LeJeune, a wicked choice even with the platoon factor being against the Raccoons, because LeJeune was a lifelong scourge on the Critters, and Pat Pohl was … Pat Pohl. And Pat Pohl grounded out to Myers. 1-0 Blighters. Sparkes 8.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 10 K, W (6-1);

Oy, oy, oy! That was – oy! … 10-game winning streak though.

Then we did not get Neal on Wednesday, with the damn Elks also having an off day on Monday to play with. Joe West was up in the middle game.

Game 2
VAN: 2B Morrow – 1B J. Lopez – CF Outram – RF Phillips – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – SS Cabral – 3B Schneider – P J. West
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Sabre

Again, Manny Fernandez made it a 1-0 game, this time with a productive groundout after Dave Myers’ triple in the bottom 1st. This time though, one run wouldn’t quite be enough since Sabre nicked Clemente to begin the second inning, gave up singles to LeJeune and Cabral to load the bases and then got a double-play grounder that scored the tying run. West struck out, leaving LeJeune at third base.

Bottom 3rd, Trevino and Myers reached the corners with 1-out singles. Manny dished an 0-2 pitch to deep right, but Ryan Phillips got the thing on the warning track, with Trevino scampering home on the sac fly to make it 2-1 Coons. Fowler popped out to end the inning, and the middle of the Elks’ order threatened to take Sabre apart again, but this time only Clemente and LeJeune reached and were stranded when Cabral popped out and Schneider grounded out.

Manny Fernandez came up for the third time in the bottom 5th. Trevino had doubled with two outs, Myers had been drilled, and Manny came through *again* for Portland, dropping a single in shallow center that allowed Trevino to circle round and extend the lead to 3-1. Fowler then flew out to Outram, and the big knell kept being denied to Portland. Stedham and Hooge were stranded on the corners in the sixth when Sabre flew out to left, but he was doing well enough to not hit for him on 78 pitches and with the lead… So of course LeJeune hit a leadoff single in the seventh. Cabral popped out, but Schneider hit a rocket past Berto’s ear to put the tying run aboard, too. Dusty Mezzanotte hit for West with two on and one gone, and little remained from his Coons-scorching of his rookie season. This was only his fifth appearance all year after having been stashed away in AAA pretty much since the middle of ’35. He didn’t help his cause, spanking a ball at Berto for a 6-4-3 inning-ender. Bottom 7th, Manny appeared at the plate with nobody on for once, with partial blame on Dave Myers for homering off Jordan Calderon ahead of him, so after merely 15 innings somebody other than Manny Fernandez had an RBI on the week… Manny struck out, Fowler singled, but Stedham remained mildly useless and grounded out. Sabre got one more out before being relieved by David Fernandez on account of a sufficient number of pitches, with Fernandez getting two fast outs to exit the eighth. Yeom Soung got another save – but was taken deep by Ryan Phillips in the ninth. 4-2 Raccoons! Trevino 2-4, 2B; Myers 3-3, HR, 3B, RBI; M. Fernandez 1-3, 3 RBI; Sabre 7.1 IP, 7 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 4 K, W (3-0);

Thursday would then bring the lefty-on-lefty action to Portland, as Josh Weeks would try to extend the 11-game winning streak against Bryce Neal.

Game 3
VAN: 2B Morrow – RF Phillips – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B J. Lopez – 3B Schneider – LF A. Perez – SS Cabral – P Neal
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Maldonado – RF Pinkerton – C Kilmer – SS Nickas – P Weeks

While the Coons scored the first run in the bottom 2nd without the benefit of a hit as Jesus Maldonado reached on Cabral’s 2-base throwing error, advanced on Pinkerton’s grounder, and scored on Jeff Kilmer’s sac fly, Weeks lapsed bizarrely in the top of the third. Two down, Ryan Phillips singled before Weeks fell to 3-0 against Jerry Outram, who, well, then rammed one out, flipping the score around. Weeks drilled Clemente, threw a wild pitch, and then somehow got Pinkerton to race in and catch a shallow fly by Johnny Lopez before things could get even worse.

The Coons had Fowler (walk) and Maldonado (single) on base to begin the fourth before the grotesque bottom of the order completely failed and didn’t even get Fowler to third base, let alone plate him. Portland DID scratch out the tying run the inning after, with Trevino singling, Myers walked, Trevino swiping third base, and then scoring on Fernandez’ grounder again. Fowler grounded out to Schneider to end the inning, remaining disturbingly clutchless.

The Elks would have a guy on first in the sixth and seventh innings before hitting into double plays; it was the pinch-hitting Mezzanotte to do the honors in the latter inning. Rich Vickers batted for Weeks in a drab bottom 7th, with the score remaining tied at two and the Raccoons still on only four base hits. Then the double-infield-single demon struck again, but this time put Myers and Manny on base against Jeremy Bloedow and with nobody out in the bottom 8th. Never would we have liked a Fowler bomb more than now, but he struck out, and Maldonado ****tily hit into a double play. Stedham WOULD have batted for Pinkerton, then instead entered in a double switch between innings, but then batting in the #9 hole, meaning that someone would have to get on base ahead of him. After Weeks, the fort was held by Kulp, Tennis, and Wise, each getting two outs to complete regulation pitching for the home team. Hooge, Kilmer, and Ramos all failed to get on against Tim Zimmerman in the bottom 9th, sending the game to extras, where Chris Wise put Schneider on base with a leadoff walk, then got a double play grounder from LeJeune. Cabral singled, PH Derek James singled, and Eric Morrow hit a ball over the fence to break the tie. Down 5-2, the Coons started the bottom 10th against Robby Ciampa (remember that sucker??) with Stedham and Trevino singles, so the tying run was up. Myers flew out to center. Fernandez grounded out. Fowler hit a ball to deep left – and LeJeune made the catch at the fence. 5-2 Canadiens. Trevino 2-4, BB, 2B; Myers 2-5; M. Fernandez 2-5, 2B, RBI; Stedham 1-1; Weeks 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 4 K;

****ing **** *** ****!!!

NO YOU WON’T GET FUDGE!! You only scored two runs!! In ten innings!! – PAWS AWAY FROM THE FUDGE BARS OR I’LL ****ING HACK THEM OFF!!

Before too many feelings could get hurt (except for mine, but nobody around here cared about that), the Knights came to town.

Raccoons (22-17) vs. Knights (23-18) – May 22-24, 2037

The Knights had the best bullpen, just slightly undone by a rancid rotation and bad defense, amounting to the fourth-most runs allowed in the Continental League. Their offense wasn’t much better, sitting 10th with just under 3.5 runs per game, but what shall I say, the Raccoons were still worse, 11th in total runs with just over 3.5 runs per game – the higher average coming from us having played two games fewer. Last year the season series had ended 6-3 in Portland’s favor.

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (4-1, 2.01 ERA) vs. Chris Lulay (2-3, 2.95 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (3-4, 4.14 ERA) vs. Terry Garrigan (3-5, 4.13 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-1, 1.37 ERA) vs. Danny Orozco (1-3, 3.62 ERA)

Garrigan was the only right-hander we could hope for.

Game 1
ATL: SS Kilgallen – LF Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B LeClerc – C Horner – 3B Maneke – 2B Simmons – CF Dahl – P Lulay
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – RF Maldonado – C Kilmer – 2B Vickers – P Ottinger

A weekend start with Ottie on the mound also meant lots of high-pitched screaming in the ranks. Maud, make a note, we have to read the schedule better with that! Singles by Justin LeClerc and Adam Horner began the second inning, with the Knights getting a run on two groundouts. The sad-sack Coons offense tied the game back up in the bottom 3rd, with Ottinger reaching second base on a gross throwing error by Chris Maneke before being brought around with a Ramos groundout and Myers’ sac fly. Like glue! Like glue…

Maneke’s homer to right put Atlanta 2-1 ahead in the fourth inning, and the way the Raccoons batted against Lulay their only hope was more errors from the Knights defense. Ottinger did his very best, which means he walked four and almost gave up a bomb here and there, and was done after six innings, still on a 2-1 hook. Myers then legged out an infield roller to open the bottom 6th, and Manny actually hit a solid single to center, moving the tying run into scoring position. Fowler floated a 3-2 pitch to shallow center, Mike Dahl narrowly failed to reach it, and the single loaded the bases, while also inviting hitters with averages of .228, .205, and .217 to strand three with nobody out. Stedham and Kilmer promptly struck out, and only Maldonado’s almost-as-poor grounder got a run in before the inning died a despicable death. – Slappy, all those fudge bars are ours. – No, Cristiano, you ain’t getting any! – Because you are *related* to a former ballplayer, and that’s just as bad!!

More chances came in the bottom 7th, with perplexingly pathetic Preston Pinkerton’s pinch-hit pike of a single to right putting the go-ahead run on base with one down. Berto walked in a full count, moving Pinkerton to second, and Myers poked a ball up the middle on the first pitch. Ted Schlegelmilch at short reached, but missed it, and Pinkerton raced around to score, 3-2. The kids screamed in delight, despite Ottie being long out of the game. At least they knew brown caps from the black ones down there… And then Manny Fernandez hit into a double play…

Yeom Soung came on in the eighth when neither David Fernandez nor Antonio Prieto could get out of the inning. Adam Horner had singled off the former, and the latter had put Justin Simmons on base. Soung got a groundout from Dahl, ending the inning, after which we watched Roland Warner give up a leadoff single to Fowler in the bottom 8th, and then Stedham hit into a double play. Goodness gracious…! Maldonado singled, but Trevino popped out hitting for Kilmer. At least Soung retired the Knights in order to complete a squeeze win… 3-2 Critters. Myers 2-2, BB, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4; Fowler 3-4; Maldonado 2-4, RBI; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Soung 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, SV (13);

Dusty Kulp got the win in relief, and the Raccoons moved to within 2 1/2 games of the Arrowheads. And I still sat on a mountain of fudge bars.

Saturday was Bernie Chavez’ turn, but we also learned the Bryce Sparkes was violently ill and questionable for his Sunday start. Gene Tennis would thus be held out of the middle game so we had a spot starter in our paw.

Game 2
ATL: 2B Simmons – LF Inoa – RF Pincus – 1B LeClerc – C Horner – 3B Maneke – SS Schlegelmilch – CF Dahl – P Garrigan
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Chavez

Both teams scored with a triple in the early innings – Ed Hooge tripled home Stedham with two outs in the bottom 2nd, but *Garrigan* tripled up the rightfield line off Bernie in the third inning and scored on Simmons’ sac fly to even the score at one. Apart from that the game breezed by with a pitchers’ duel of the bad-pop sort rather than many strikeouts. Bernie had five K through as many innings, while Garrigan had only three. Dave Myers’ leadoff double in the bottom 6th was the best scoring opportunity for either team in a while. Manny grounded out, moving the go-ahead run to third base, and the Knights then walked Fowler intentionally, a defensible move given that Jesse Stedham was slowly morphing into Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, in disguise. Stedham didn’t get much chance to fail, being nailed by Garrigan, loading the bags for Berto, who had no luck swinging this year, but was still drawing his walks. He did so here, laying off garbage in a 3-2 count to push home Myers for a 2-1 lead! And then Tony Morales hit into a double play on the first pitch, because – (throws himself face first into the cushions and sobs)

Bottom 7th, still up 2-1, Ed Hooge reached on a Simmons error. Bernie bunted him over, after which the Knights walked Cosmo with intent. The Coons, grumpy, called for a double steal and Horner fell asleep, allowing both runners into scoring position. Up came Myers, walked, and the bags were full for Manny, and it would be a real MVP move to get a run in, maybe even two! He struck out, I groaned, and then Fowler hit the first pitch he got from Garrigan to dead center, high, long, gone – GRAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

Bernie completed seven without allowing another run, and Garavito struck out three against a Maneke single to finish the game. 6-1 Raccoons. Fowler 1-3, BB, HR, 4 RBI; Stedham 1-2, BB; Ramos 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Chavez 8.0 IP, 8 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (4-4);

Oh boy, that bomb, that slam – I really needed that!

Yes, Ye-hes! Fudge bars will be given! – Don’t crowd, there’s one for each of you, and OWW!! – Preston, stop climbing up my leg with your claws!!

As Sunday dawned, there were good news, as Bryce Sparkes said he was well enough to pitch. However, on the flip side, Berto had let himself being locked in with the fudge bars on Saturday night, and had eaten about 30 of them, leading to him hugging the toilet on Sunday. He was ruled out for the Sunday game on those grounds.

And then everybody was ruled out of the Sunday game. A storm reached Portland about an hour before the first pitch was scheduled, doused the city, and lasted into the late evening. The Knights had to go, and the game was postponed. Second week in a row!

In other news

May 18 – SFB 1B Kevin McGrath (.286, 3 HR, 28 RBI) goes deep to right for his only hit in nine attempts on Monday, handing ATL MR Alfredo Flores (0-1, 7.71 ERA) the 18th-inning walkoff loss, 6-5. The game ends at 3:26am ET on Tuesday.
May 18 – By then, the Titans’ 14-inning, 8-5 win over the Crusaders has been in the books for a long time. Boston’s C Juan Herrera (.199, 2 HR, 14 RBI) goes deep off New York’s Rin Nomura (2-2, 4.20 ERA, 4 SV) to break the tie in the to of the 14th.
May 20 – The Rebels sink the Capitals in a team effort, 18-6. Five Rebels players have three hits each, with RF/CF Joe Ritchey (.285, 7 HR, 32 RBI) and 1B Dan Sarro (.322, 6 HR, 22 RBI) also putting up a team-high four RBI.
May 22 – RIC OF/2B Ian Foster (.259, 0 HR, 12 RBI) is out for the year with a ruptured achilles tendon.
May 23 – NYC MR Rin Nomura (2-2, 4.20 ERA, 4 SV) is lost for the season after tearing a flexor tendon in his elbow. Whether the 38-year-old southpaw can make a comeback will have to be seen.
May 23 – OCT SP Pablo Correa (2-6, 3.58 ERA) remains luckless, having his season end with shoulder inflammation.
May 24 – DAL OF Ryan Cassell (.319, 3 HR, 28 RBI) has four hits and five RBI in Dallas’ 16-6 bashing of the Buffaloes.
May 24 – LVA SP Chris Crowell (4-4, 4.45 ERA) will miss two months with an oblique strain.

FL Player of the Week: DAL 1B Dan Sarro (.327, 7 HR, 26 RBI), batting .440 (11-25) with 2 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: OCT INF Alfredo Rojas (.300, 2 HR, 22 RBI), who hit .500 (11-22) with 1 HR, 6 RBI

Complaints and stuff

With the second consecutive Sunday postponement, the Raccoons now have 30 games in 30 days in June. The make-up with the Knights is scheduled in double-header form for the 29th, the fourth day in the 17-day string with no off day before the All Star Game, and only one week after the scheduled double-header in Milwaukee.

The Raccoons were 4-1 this week and are now 15-5 in May, and have turned that lousy 9-12 April around quite well by now. The Indians are just 1 1/2 games ahead as of Sunday night, but on the other paw we have also slipped to last place in runs scored in the Continental League. That is also a factor of a lack of games played – a few teams have 45 games under their belt and we’re stuck at 41. We’re not the worst in runs per game, that’s the Knights and Loggers, but … sigh!

We will be on the road next week, visiting the Condors and Thunder to finish the month, then return home by June 1. The Titans will be in town on that homestand, and boy, they’re not in a great place right now.

Fun Fact: 32 years ago today, the Loggers’ Bartolo Hernandez had his second 6-hit game in a 3-1 win over the Condors.

The Cuban Bartolo Hernandez, who also had a 6-hit day against the Knights in ’99, was a Loggers mainstay for their glory days around the turn of the century. He was also of titanium condition, playing almost without interruption for a decade from ’98 through ’07, and leading the CL in at-bats six times in that span. He also led the league in hits three times and once in stolen bases, and won five Gold Gloves in a 19-year career that nevertheless remained uncrowned. He never won a batting title or a World Series ring, either in his 15 seasons with Milwaukee or with any of the five teams he’d play bit parts for in the four years after that.

Hernandez finished his career with a .308/.354/.385 slash line and 2,849 hits (currently 25th all-time), 65 homers, and 935 RBI. He stole 344 bases in his career, still good for 21st all-time.

He was also elected to the Hall of Fame in 2019, garnering 79% of support in his first year on the ballot.

[Westheim]

2037 DRAFT POOL ANALYSIS

It was the time of year to check the arms, legs, and teeth of young players the country over, and preselecting the juiciest, hardiest of them for feeding into baseball’s cruel, brain-melting, bone-breaking talent factory that took in hopes and dreams and spewed out regrets and lost youths.

Hooray, baseball!

The Raccoons as usual combed through the draft pool and selected 110 players for their annual shortlist. This included three two-way players, only one of which was exciting. There was also a hotlist of a dozen-or-so really-wanna-have players, although we wouldn’t pick until #21 and were not guaranteed a selection from the list. Oh the woes of finishing well the previous year!

Players with * are high school players:

SP Sebastian Parham (14/13/12) – BNN #9
SP Luke Moses (13/13/9) – BNN #1
SP Matt Kaplan (11/8/9) *
SP Ayden Cobb (12/9/8) *
SP Vince Burke (11/13/10) – BNN #3

CL Mike Lechowicz (18/14/11)

INF/CF Brian Bowman (15/10/11)
3B/LF Josh Frazier (11/13/17)
1B Mark Cahill (11/17/11) – BNN #10
2B Glenn Sprague (10/10/11) – BNN #6

LF/CF Joe Besaw (13/9/8)
LF/RF Zach Buckler (9/10/12)

Those two high school pitchers are not scouted all that highly, but they have quite dominant numbers in their school leagues, and I am assured by Scout Guy that they have not only faced teams of special needs schools like the Willamette Institute for the Limbless and the Blind.

One particular player to single out is the aforementioned two-way player. That would be Joe Besaw. He’s an outfielder with great range from Louisiana, also has high speed and good baserunning instincts, and I hear he also an academic overachiever. If he can get a big signing bonus in the first round, he’ll take that, but if that doesn’t materialize, I hear NASA are already begging him to join them. I don’t necessarily fancy players that are too smart for their own good, but he seemed like a straight shooter at least. He didn’t have the best throwing arm from 280 feet out, but he did twirl a 90mph fastball with a good changeup and fork, plus a not-so-good curveball. Control was a bit weak, but he was only 20 and had just bagged bis master’s degree, so why would he worry about that…

[One Great Matrix]

Tommy Jacks

[UltimateAverageGuy]

Who are your highest draft picks ever and how'd they do for you?

[Westheim]

Raccoons (24-17) @ Condors (22-21) – May 26-28, 2037

Alberto Ramos was back at 100% after overcoming explosive diarrhea as the Raccoons ventured into Mexico for a 3-game set with the Condors starting on Tuesday, and, for the second week in a row, on two days’ rest. The Condors were stunningly mediocre, sixth in runs scored, eighth in runs allowed, with a -1 run differential (Coons: +16 despite being completely unable to score runs). Tijuana had an average rotation and defense, and one of the most porous bullpens around. The Raccoons had won five of nine games against the Condors in 2036.

Projected matchups:
Bryce Sparkes (6-1, 1.37 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (5-0, 2.47 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (3-0, 2.12 ERA) vs. Mike Webb (1-0, 1.08 ERA)
Josh Weeks (3-3, 3.13 ERA) vs. Omar Uribe (0-7, 6.85 ERA)

Southpaw to begin the week, and then they only had right-handers left after that. Tijuana also had a number of regulars on the DL, including Chris Murphy (torn thumb ligaments) and Shane Sanks, the ****ing skunk weasel, who had been out with back stiffness, but claimed to be ready to go – he had to stay on the DL through Wednesday however, and could only be activated for Thursday, the series finale. Former Raccoons closer Ed Blair was also still out for his Tommy John surgery and might miss the entire season.

The Indians lost to the Aces on Monday, reducing the gap atop the CL North to half a game, so the Raccoons could in theory take first place on Tuesday. Mind the damn Elks and Crusaders, though – all four teams were under a 2-game blanket.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Maldonado – SS Ramos – RF Pinkerton – C Kilmer – P Sparkes
TIJ: 3B Quintanilla – CF C. Boles – RF Willie Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 2B Bensinger – C J. Flores – 1B Zuazo – SS Bunyon – P J. Garcia

Berto was on call in the bottom 2nd and singled home Jesus Maldonado, who had drawn a leadoff walk from Garcia and had taken second base by force, his second stolen base of the year. Pinkerton then hit into a double play before Berto could also make an attempt at getting an extra base. The 1-0 lead didn’t hold, with Bryce Sparkes being exploded in the bottom 3rd. Starting with Juan Garcia’s single, the Condors whacked off four straight base hits, the string ending with Willie Ojeda’s 3-run homer that put Tijuana 4-1 ahead. Justin Fowler’s leadoff jack narrowed the gap to 4-2 to begin the top of the fourth. Nothing happened in the fifth, and the sixth saw Fowler draw a walk and Maldonado double to center to put the tying runs in scoring position with one down. Berto popped out, Pinkerton walked, and with the bases loaded Jeff Kilmer fell to 0-2 before hitting a fly to left that stretched away from Justin Williams and made it all the way to the fence for a bases-clearing double, giving Portland the lead back, 5-4!

The lead didn’t last, with Williams ramming a homer off Sparkes to even the score at five to begin the bottom of the sixth. Jose Flores was nailed with a baseball and went to first, and Sparkes was lifted with two outs in the inning. Garavito retired Donovan Bunyon on a grounder, ending the inning and leaving Sparkes with a no-decision. Garcia was still around in the seventh and gave up a leadoff double to Cosmo Trevino, which was followed by an intentional walk to Dave Myers, a bold strategy for sure. Manny chopped a blooper into shallow left that loaded the bags with nobody out, with Fowler grounding to first base. Alvin Zuazo fired the ball home to JUST beat Trevino, but the bases remained loaded until Maldonado grounded to short. The Condors only got Fowler, with Myers scoring to break the tie, 6-5. Berto struck out to end the inning with runners on the corners.

Portland got a run off Josh Heckman in the eighth, though. The lefty retired Pinkerton and Kilmer, but gave up a double to Rich Vickers, who hit for Garavito. Trevino singled into center, scoring Vickers for a 2-run lead, before Myers ground out to Bunyon. Gene Tennis held off the Condors in the bottom 8th, Portland got nothing out of two walks in the top 9th that Steve Bailey issued, and thus it was Yeom Soung in the bottom 9th against the 7-8-9 batters. Zuazo struck out, but Bunyon, Nick Howell, and Victor Quintanilla all singled. Bases loaded, one out, Giacomino Vitalini pinch-hit for Chris Boles, and hit ANOTHER single to left. Only one run scored on the play, but what the heck was wrong with The Warden now? He blew the lead with a sac fly hit by Ojeda, before Justin Williams ended the game with a single to right. 8-7 Condors. Trevino 4-5, 2 2B, RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1, 2B;

Well, that sucked. Scoring seven and losing is especially bitter when you never score seven.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Sabre
TIJ: 3B Quintanilla – CF C. Boles – RF Willie Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 2B Bensinger – C J. Flores – 1B Zuazo – SS Strohm – P Uribe

The early innings saw a Zuazo single and about nothing else, although Berto had Stedham on base in the second, forced him out, and then stole a base before being left on second. Myers hit a leadoff single in the fourth, the first hit for the Critters. It took a while, but the team plated him. Fowler walked to push him to second, and then Berto landed a single in left-center with two outs, enough to get Myers around to score the first run of the game. Tony Morales two-upped him with a high home run to right that counted for three RBI – only now, with May almost over, Morales hit his first homer of the year and reached 10 RBI.

One run was taken right back by Tijuana, with Ojeda reaching base, stealing another one, and coming in on Jason Bensinger’s 2-out single. Top 5th, the Coons countered with the bases loaded and one out when Uribe issued walks to Myers and Manny, and Fowler hit a soft single into the maws of Ojeda, who had a murder arm, forcing Myers to hold. Jesse Stedham also had two strikes on him before doing heroics, hitting a double to center that brought in two more runs. Berto walked to fill the bases again, the sixth free pass issued by Uribe, who had well more walks (52) than strikeouts (35) on the season. Morales put him out of his misery with an RBI single up the middle that made it a 7-1 game. Gabe McGill replaced him, conceded one more run on Ed Hooge’s groundout, but at least he got Sabre to stop the bleeding at 8-1. Again Sabre gave up a run after a 4-spot, with Quintanilla singling in Chris Strohm in the bottom 5th, both runners also stealing a base. Cosmo stole his 12th in the top 6th, then was singled home by Fernandez, 9-2. Manny stole a base by accident when Jesse Stedham missed on a hit-and-run call, but Flores’ throw bounced. Stedham met the next pitch, grounding out to end the top 6th. The Condors were still struggling, Bensinger doubling home Ojeda in the bottom 7th, but couldn’t not chain hits together like on Tuesday. Well, at least so far. Sabre got stuck in the bottom 7th after two singles, was lifted for David Fernandez, but the lefty gave up an RBI single to Boles and a 2-run double to Williams, suddenly dangerously narrowing the score to 9-6. Bensinger then popped out to end the inning. Prieto handled Tijuana in the eighth, and Chris Wise got the ninth although only leadoff man Quintanilla would bat right-handed against him, but the Coons needed a win, and Soung had worked himself up the day before. And Wise also made a mess AFTER getting two outs. Ojeda walked, Williams singled, and Bunyon walked in Bensinger’s spot .That put up Flores as the winning run with three on and two outs. Wise walked in a run against him, with Zuazo next. Dusty Kulp was in the bullpen… but the Raccoons still wanted to WIN… so why send Kulp? The Raccoons didn’t win – Zuazo killed them with a bases-clearing double in the right-center gap. 10-9 Condors. Myers 2-4, BB; Ramos 2-3, BB, RBI; Morales 2-4, HR, 4 RBI;

What the **** is wrong now??

The moment we get some runs, the pitching staff self-immolates??

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Weeks
TIJ: 1B Zuazo – 2B Bensinger – RF Willie Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – C J. Flores – CF C. Boles – SS Strohm – P Webb

Four straight base hit, once again, gave the Condors a 2-0 lead in the bottom 2nd. The misery started with the disgusting skunk weasel and saw another three base knocks before they run out of steam with their pitcher. The Raccoons scratched out a run in the top 3rd, Manny bringing in Trevino, but Weeks kept getting waffled, too. With Ojeda on in the bottom 3rd, both Sanks and Flores ripped RBI doubles to go up 4-1. Zuazo would hit a single in the bottom 4th, Bensinger went deep to left-center, and that was the end for Weeks after a ****ing dismal and ****ty performance, nine hits, two walks, and six runs, and knocked out in the fourth inning.

That the Raccoons were not entirely dead was down to the opposing pitcher, who was no better than Weeks. Webb gave up a single to Myers to begin the bottom 4th, then was taken deep by Fowler, cutting the gap to 6-3. Stedham and Ramos drew walks, giving the Coons SEVEN walks in the fifth inning. Morales hit an RBI single to right, Hooge hit into a fielder’s choice, but Rich Vickers hit for Gene Tennis with two outs and runners on the corners, drove a ball into the gap, and the Raccoons had just erased a 5-run deficit. Now, if they still had any semblance of pitching …! Webb was yanked in a 6-6 game, but David Gerow got Trevino to ground out to end the inning.

The sixth was uneventful, but the Coons got runners to the corners in the top 7th, with Maldonado batting for Dusty Kulp. He hit a slow roller to Bensinger, thankfully so slow that it wasn’t good enough for two, and Berto scored from third base to take the lead. Trevino flew out to end that particular inning. With Garavito and Prieto holding the Condors down in the bottom 7th, the Coons had a chance to tack on in the eighth, Myers and Fernandez going to the corners right away against Gerow. Fowler struck out, which was all too unfortunate, and Jesse Stedham didn’t put it in play, either – nope, Stedham put the ball WAY out of play with a long 3-run homer to right!! …and that was the decider. Finally having moved a game out of save range, the Coons didn’t blow the save, either. Prieto did the eighth competently, and David Fernandez put a guy on in the ninth when Vitalini singled, but otherwise retired three before it could get ugly yet again. 10-6 Coons. Myers 4-5; M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB; Ramos 1-2, 3 BB; Vickers (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI; Kulp 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (2-2);

Okay, that wasn’t bad for damage control. Normally I’d strip my pants off and run around the ballpark screaming like a maniac after scoring 26 runs in a series, but unfortunately they also cocked up 24 and lost twice… The Arrowheads were now two games ahead again, and we were merely tied for second place with the Crusaders.

Raccoons (25-19) @ Thunder (19-29) – May 29-31, 2037

The Thunder weren’t the worst calamity in the CL South, but that was down to the Falcons’ absolutely rotten start in April. They did score runs in Oklahoma, third-most in the league even, but they were also bleeding terribly whenever the opposition got the bat. They ranked bottoms in runs allowed with 5.3 markers conceded per game, and the rotation and bullpen were equally execrable. Portland was up 3-0 in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (4-1, 2.13 ERA) vs. Bobby Valencia (3-2, 8.42 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (4-4, 3.72 ERA) vs. Joe Robinson (4-5, 5.20 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-1, 2.01 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (2-4, 4.16 ERA)

Right, left, right, with Robinson being suspended after a brawl last week. Saturday was the first game he was eligible to appear in again.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – RF Maldonado – P Ottinger
OCT: CF Moore – 2B Martell – 1B D. Cruz – C J. Wood – LF Nuno – 3B T. Johnson – RF Heskett – SS A. Rojas – P Valencia

Both Cosmo and Ethan Moore opened their respective halves of the first inning with doubles, but only one of the scored. Al Martell singled, and Danny Cruz hit a sac fly to put Ottie behind early. In the bottom 2nd, Todd Johnson and Brian Heskett reached the corners with a walk and a single, respectively, and Alfredo Rojas’ double play grounder at least made it 2-0.

The Coons had the leadoff man on for the third time in three attempts in the top 3rd, this time with an Ottie single to left, giving the pitcher a .333 clip this year after hitting .349 last year. He sure seemed like the new Jonny Toner at the plate, and if he could turn into Jonny Toner on the mound….. oh boy, that would be lovely. Myers joined him with a 1-out single, and Manny found the gap in left-center for a score-knotting double, and that also put him at 30 RBI, breaking a tie for the (pathetic) team lead with Fowler, who struck out rather than tying the “race” again with a homer. Stedham lined out, while Ethan Moore singled and Danny Cruz took Ottinger WELL deep in the bottom of the inning, restoring a 2-run lead for the home team. Oh, where had all the pitching gone….

Trevino and Fernandez were on base with singles in the fifth, presenting Fowler with the tying runs and one out. Both Fowler and Stedham hit deep fly balls, and both were caught, and nobody scored… Ottinger would complete seven innings without sparking another rally, but at least didn’t allow more runs than he already had and kept the Coons in range against the suddenly not completely terrible Valencia, who had already shaved a full run off his ERA from the start of the game. He walked Fowler to begin the eighth, but was removed after Stedham’s groundout. Ramos grounded out, Morales flew out to Federico Nuno, and the inning ended. Gene Tennis walked a pair in the bottom 8th before being rescued with Chris Wise’s strikeout against Jimmy Wood, but the Coons had the bottom of the order up to begin the ninth against Raul de la Rosa’s 1.80 ERA. Hooge batted for Maldonado and whiffed. Kilmer had entered with Wise in a double switch and grounded out to Cruz. And Trevino grounded out to Martell. 4-2 Thunder. Trevino 3-5, 2B; M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI;

Not our week!

And there is currently not a lot of ideas in my head either…

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Maldonado – SS Ramos – RF Pinkerton – C Kilmer – P Chavez
OCT: CF Moore – 2B Martell – RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C J. Wood – LF Nuno – 3B T. Johnson – SS A. Rojas – P J. Robinson

Cosmo opened the game with a walk in a full count, stole his 13th base, and then saw Myers walk on four pitches, rendering that effort moot. Manny grounded out, but advanced the runners. One run scored on Fowler’s groundout, Maldonado was nailed, and Berto flicked a 2-out RBI single over Martell for a second run. Lorenzo Celaya overran the baseball, giving the runners an extra base, and Preston Pinkerton slapped a 2-2 pitch through the hole on the left side to score both of them, 4-0. Those were Pinkerton’s first RBIs of the season…! Kilmer grounded out to end the inning, and then it was guessing whether Bernie would have a good day – he sure had been on the rollercoaster a lot this year already.

Early signs were definitely not good. Celaya hit a wallbanger double in the first, but was stranded. Jimmy Wood’s leadoff jack narrowed the gap to 4-1 in the second, and Rojas hit another double with two outs. Robinson legged out an infield single and I was ready to pull all my fur out again, but Ethan Moore flew out to Fernandez to end the inning. Bottom 3rd, Cruz walked, Wood reached on a dismal throwing error by Myers, and on the very next pitch Nuno cashed them with a screaming single to right-center – all with two outs. Johnson struck out, which was the first K on Chavez’ ledger, and the Raccoons had to score more runs because a 4-3 lead wouldn’t be enough… They did nothing in the fourth, while Moore hit a 2-out single for Oklahoma before being caught stealing by Kilmer. Myers hit a leadoff single in the fifth and never got off first base, while Martell whacked another long double to begin the bottom 5th, moved up on Celaya’s grounder, but then crucially Cruz struck out trying to flip the score. Wood grounded out easily to Berto, and the Thunder were turned away.

Nuno ripped another leadoff double in the bottom 6th, but two outs later was still at third base. When left-handed batting Brian Heskett pinch-hit for Robinson, Bernie’s day was over, too, after 94 mostly obvious pitches. Garavito came on, got the pop to Maldonado, and again the Raccoons narrowly skirted around blowing the lead. Mauricio Garavito went on to have the first 1-2-3 inning of the game in the bottom 7th, knocking off the top of the Thunder lineup, but the Furballs had yet to kick the whole damn thing into gear again. Maldonado hit a leadoff single off right-hander Jesus Blanco in the eighth, then stole second base. Berto was walked intentionally by the Thunder, but the Coons batted Stedham for Pinkerton as a counter. The count ran full before Stedham had to swipe at a pitch at the bottom of the zone, but kept it fair and floated a horrendous blooper over the head of Todd Johnson. The ball fell for a single, Maldonado zoomed around to score, 5-3, and Stedham’s hand motion when talking to the first base coach indicated that he knew that he had just been really, REALLY lucky. In “**** it" mode, the Coons sent their runners for a double steal, with Wood’s throw to third base rather late, but the runners were pinned when Kilmer hit a quick bouncer to Johnson for the second out. Tony Morales batted for Garavito, whacked a ball into right-center for a base hit, and two runs scored, 7-3! Gary Martin secured the third out from Trevino after replacing the fallen Blanco.

Then Dusty Kulp shat the nest again, loading the bases with Wood, Johnson, and Rojas in the bottom 8th. When the Thunder sent .059 batter Greg Regan to pinch-hit in the #9 hole, the Raccoons countered with a left-hander … Soung. Regan flew out to left on the first pitch, wasting the runners, the Coons tacked on an extra run when Maldonado hit a 2-out RBI double in the ninth, and then the bottom 9th brought … yet more trouble. Moore struck out, but then the 21-year-old Martell singled, Celaya singled, and Cruz reached on Fowler’s clumsy error in center, bringing the tying run to the on-deck circle with one out. A mound conference established that The Warden considered himself merely unlucky, something with the stars not being aligned and ancient Korean tales. He struck out Wood after that, so maybe we’d be fine; Nuno was his final batter in any case, with right-handed bats luring behind the left-handed outfielder. The count ran full, Soung missed, walked in a run (unearned as it was), and the Raccoons pulled the plug. Wise came in, rung up Johnson, and all was well at least in the box score… 8-4 Raccoons. Maldonado 3-4, 2B, RBI; Stedham (PH) 1-1, RBI; Morales (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

To say that anything is clicking on all seven cylinders would be a bit hysterical, but at least we didn’t blow another substantial lead…..

Come on, boys. Win on Sunday, .500 week, and we bag the season series with the Thunder already. That would make me happy.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – RF Maldonado – P Sparkes
OCT: LF Nuno – 2B Martell – 1B D. Cruz – C J. Wood – RF Celaya – 3B T. Johnson – CF Heskett – SS A. Rojas – P Inderrieden

At least no rainout again on Sunday, AND Manny hit a jack in the first for a quick 1-0 lead, but the spanking of Sparkes that had started on Tuesday continued in a wholly different place. He walked Cruz with two outs in the bottom 1st, Jimmy Wood flipped the score with a home run, and then Celaya walked. Johnson hit a single on which Celaya was slain in a rundown between second and third, mercifully ending the inning.

Fowler tied the game in the third, in which Trevino and Myers reached base with one out. Manny hit into a fielder’s choice, but Fowler found space in shallow center for an RBI single, getting the Coons even at two. Stedham grounded out to end the inning, and the Thunder came right back with a Nuno homer for a 3-2 lead in the bottom 3rd. The Thunder continued to have almost constant pressure on Sparkes, who had a really rotten week, but was about to be dug out of his hole, maybe, in the sixth inning. Stedham and Berto were on the corners with one out, but Tony Morales hit into a double play, 4-6-3, and everything remained dismal. At least Sparkes didn’t allow any more runs until Ed Hooge batted for him in the seventh, shooting a ball up the rightfield line for a 1-out triple, sadly with nobody on base. Trevino of course had to hit a ****ty fly to center that Heskett caught with ease. With just as much ease he threw out Hooge at home plate.

It was Manny Fernandez who tied the game after all, hitting a 1-out solo home run off Inderrieden in the eighth inning. (M! V! P!) While that took Sparkes off the hook, the Raccoons failed to take the lead. David Fernandez held the 1-2-3 batters away in the bottom 8th, after which Ramos would lead off the ninth against de la Rosa. He flew out to center, but Morales hit a double to right that we could have used earlier with runners aboard. Normally, Maldonado would be hit for with Hooge against a right-hander in this situation, but Hooge had already been used, so the Raccoons just let him bat. He fell to 1-2, then shot a ball into right-center that Celaya couldn’t reach and Heskett couldn’t cut off until it was almost at the warning track. The second consecutive double broke the tie and gave Portland a 4-3 lead! Vickers batted for the pitcher, with de la Rosa moving Maldonado to third with a wild pitch. Vickers fell to two strikes before hitting a ball to right, stretching away from Celaya, and IN for extra bases, another RBI double! Trevino was walked with intent, Myers flew out to center, moving Rich Vickers to third base, and Manny’s sharp grounder was right at Danny Cruz for the third out. So, who to close the game with!? Soung came on by default ultimately, because Wise had now pitched in back-to-back games, and the Raccoons would rather have him for one guy if things got tight than for three to make things tight. Wood whiffed. Celaya grounded out to short. Johnson ran a full count… and walked. Here we go again! Right-handed rookie Brian Pack pinch-hit for Heskett, getting his fifth career at-bat. Tough to gauge that one, but Soung remained in the game. The rookie crumbled, struck out, and the Coons had a .500 week at long last… 5-3 Raccoons. M. Fernandez 2-5, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Hooge (PH) 1-1, 3B; Vickers (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI;


In other news

May 25 – CHA INF/RF/LF Jose Farfan (.301, 2 HR, 12 RBI) hits a home run in the eighth inning for the only score in the Falcons’ 1-0 win over the Loggers.
May 27 – DAL CL Josh Boles (0-1, 5.19 ERA, 9 SV) will be shout down for a month with a case of shoulder inflammation.
May 27 – LVA SS/2B Chris O’Keefe (.327, 4 HR, 21 RBI) will have to sit out until the All Star Game with a groin strain.
May 29 – Cincinnati drowns the Stars in a barrel, celebrating a 19-4 mauling. CIN LF/RF/1B Dick Oshiita (.374, 9 HR, 25 RBI) and C Rey Cedillo (.308, 5 HR, 30 RBI) both have four base hits. Oshiita drives in five runs with a homer and a double, while Cedillo hits two doubles and plates six runners.
May 30 – A broken foot will keep VAN OF Jerry Outram (.307, 7 HR, 37 RBI) off the field for about a month.
May 31 – At a credible 43 years old, San Francisco RF/LF Pablo Sanchez (.333, 4 HR, 26 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak following a 2-for-4 day in a 9-2 win over the Loggers.
May 31 – A third-inning single in the Gold Sox’ gives OF/1B Rich de Luna (.330, 1 HR, 14 RBI) a 20-game hitting streak.

FL Player of the Week: NAS 2B/SS Billy Bouldin (.375, 0 HR, 25 RBI) hit .577 (15-26) with 4 RBI
CL Player of the Week: NYC 2B/SS Kenny Elder (.367, 1 HR, 19 RBI) hit .455 (10-22) with 1 HR, 5 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: SAL C Morgan Kuhlmann (.346, 14 HR, 46 RBI), batting .358, 7 HR, 26 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: IND 2B Dan Schneller (.320, 8 HR, 23 RBI), batting .345, 8 HR, 18 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: NAS SP Doug Clifford (7-3, 3.91 ERA), posting marks of 5-1, 2.81 ERA
CL Pitcher of the Month: TIJ SP Juan Garcia (6-0, 2.71 ERA), getting to 4-0, 2.03 ERA
FL Rookie of the Month: PIT OF Adrian Wade (.319, 7 HR, 23 RBI), hitting .316, 5 HR, 19 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: OCT OF Ethan Moore (.263, 2 HR, 15 RBI), hitting .282 with 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Well, there were ups and there were downs this week. Offense was up (yay!), pitching not so much, unless you looked at ERA’s. We scored 41 runs in six games, but also cocked up 35. The rotation fared particularly badly, going 1-1 with a 6.42 ERA. Bernie was the only starter to win his game, while Ottie ironically lost his despite being the only guy to last seven innings, when the offense took Friday off.

Oh well. It was a mixed bag. Everybody had won, as indicated by the continued narrowness of the CL North. The damn Elks, the Arrowheads, the Purple Poopers, and us – all still just 2 1/2 apart.

Just waiting until those Titans ignite their jetpacks…

Dave Myers finishes May with the highest WAR for a position player in the CL with 2.4; pales compared to Morgan Kuhlmann’s 3.7 mark for the Wolves down I-5, especially if you remember that Kuhlmann is a catcher and not playing every day.

Cosmo leads the CL in stolen bases with 13, which is also rather soft compared to the 25 by Dallas’ Hugo Acosta.

Bottom line, it could be worse. It might *get* worse next week, with the Falcons visiting Portland, so there was another opportunity to leave stains on the carpet, and then the Titans came in on the weekend. Preceding the Titans series would be our last off day until three weeks later, having to play 21 games in 20 days and then another double header the week afterwards on the 29th.

Fun Fact: Pablo Sanchez has a .959 OPS, the highest since 2023 for him.

Back then he was 29, with the Scorpions, and won the last of his three Player of the Year titles. Nobody quite knows what his secret is to being a probable All Star at 43, but he can surely check into the Hall of Fame already. His numbers are astounding, starting with a .340 career batting average, a mind-boggling 1,628 RBI, and 4,297 base hits. He has long claimed the all-time lead in the latter category, but there are still two guys ahead of him on the RBI table: Hall of Famers (duh!) Will Bailey (1,714) and Martin Ortíz (1,670). The entire rest of the career top 10 is also in the Hall of Fame and long retired. Ortíz was actually the most recent competitor amongst them, playing until ’21.

ABL CAREER RBI

1st – Will Bailey – 1,714 (HOF)
2nd – Martin Ortíz – 1,670 (HOF)
3rd – Pablo Sanchez – 1,628 (active)
4th – Ron Alston – 1,598 (HOF)
5th – Bakile Hiwalani – 1,592 (HOF)
6th – Dan Morris – 1,578 (HOF)
7th – Dale Wales – 1,557 (HOF)
8th – Dennis Berman – 1,551 (HOF)
9th – Jeffery Brown – 1,545 (HOF)
10th – Stanley Murphy – 1,533 (HOF)

Of these we remember Alston and Murphy as Raccoons, but neither played even three full seasons with the Critters, which is obvious given that nobody gets RBI’s around here, ever.

Dale Wales is a nice comparison with Sanchez, though. Both came up at 19, and both played through their age 42 season (so far), with Sanchez having turned 43 just recently. Wales batted .315/.383/.457 for his career, never a home run threat (he never hit more than 11 in a season), but had a knack for extra bases and led his league in triples five times. He had a slugging title, but overall Sanchez was the much more impressive hitter. He had three slugging titles, and in fact three times won the batting title, led the league in OBP *and* in slugging.

Sanchez also never won a triple crown for a lack of power; his single-season high for homers is 10, and he never led the league in RBI either.

…and then you’re glad that he spent most of his career in the Federal League (this is only his third year of being paid by a CL team), so there is only admiration for a sure-as-heck Hall of Famer rather than agony and rage as with the skunk weasel…..

[UltimateAverageGuy]

Can we get a look at Pablo Sanchez's career numbers?

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by UltimateAverageGuy

Can we get a look at Pablo Sanchez's career numbers?

Sure!

The draft pick thing needs a bit longer but I'll compile the lows and even lower lows of our prime picks.

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by UltimateAverageGuy

Who are your highest draft picks ever and how'd they do for you?

For a while I maintained a semi-regular draft history post, but I have neglected that for at least 20 seasons and good luck finding it now...

But I went through the draft history and pulled out all of our top 5 picks.

1977 - LF Daniel Hall (#2) – Dan The Man was the early fan favorite despite a career that ultimately lacked big achievements, but he was one of the CL's prime hitters in his 20s before injuries slowly grinded him down. Won a stolen base title in '79, a home run title in '84, and two rings while batting .263/.366/.437 with 223 HR, 980 RBI as a career Critter.
1978 – CL Richard Cunningham (#2) – Elite stuff without a doubt, Cunningham had an 18-year career for seven different teams. He was only rarely the closer, and never in Portland, trapped behind Grant West for all of his 7 1/2 seasons with the Raccoons. 89-75, 2.86 ERA, 173 SV. He was traded to Dallas with others for Matt Higgins, which was not exactly a great deal.
1979 – CL Grant West (#4) – HALL OF FAME – Career Raccoons closer, great control and not overwhelming, but ample stuff. West, who went 43-34 with a 2.12 ERA and 522 SV for his career, didn’t lose a game until his fifth season, and three tims led the league in saves. Also took part in two rings with the Critters.
1980 – SP Carlos Gonzalez (#1) – The first dud on the list, Gonzalez should have one of those “one hit wonder” baseball cards. He went 16-3 with a 2.83 ERA in ’86, but never re-connected with that success and before long blew out his elbow. His career was cut short and he did last appear in the majors for the Titans in ’91 at age 28. For his career he was a dire 48-57 with a 3.91 ERA.
1981 – 2B/3B Orlando Lantán (#4) – The second dud on the list, Lantán did even worse, amounting to only 65 games in the majors, batting .200 with 1 HR and 10 RBI. Never-ending knee problems and other ailments piled up to the distinct lack of hitting, and he was eventually claimed off waivers by the Blue Sox.
1982 – OF Alejandro Lopez (#2) – Highly touted outfielder whose power never really broke out, and when it did, it was initially not for the Raccoons, because he had been traded in a big deal with the Blue Sox in late 1983 that sent Raúl Herrera and a few prospects to Portland. the prospects all busted, Herrera was terrible, and Lopez was at least serviceable for the Blue Sox. He *would* come back to the Coons later, after signing a *minor-league* contract when the 1993 season had already begun, and was promoted to the majors before long, hitting 18 homers in 103 games. For his career, which ended at age 31, he was a .258/.305/.408 hitter with 106 HR and 564 RBI and got that ring in ’93.

1998 – OF Chris Roberson (#4) – After 16 years of avoiding the basement, the Raccoons got a top 5 pick again in ’98 and drafted perpetually infuriating Chris Roberson, who was not a great hitter, but in the darkest decade of the team at least served diligently as a punchline or punching bag, whatever was required. Most of his 12-year lackluster career came with the Buffaloes after a forgettable trade there. Career .264/.308/.402 batter with 60 HR, 366 RBI, but at least he won a Gold Glove.

2000 – 3B Daniel Sharp (#5) – Sharpie debuted the year he was drafted, and before long settled into the groove of being a dependable and capable, but not overwhelming third baseman. Had a 16-year career, in ten of which he played for the Coons, but that included being sent away, and reclaimed a number of times. He became a free agent after ’07, signed with the Miners, was reclaimed by the Raccoons, then traded with Ryan Miller and Jimmy Oatmeal for Ron Alston eight weeks later. We claimed him off waivers by the Buffaloes again the following year, then traded him to the Gold Sox for Bruce Boyle and Orlando Valdez the next season. Bounced around a lot after that, but had a respectable career, batting .276/.355/.376 with 76 HR, 635 RBI and a Gold Glove. Won a title with the 2013 Crusaders.
2001 – OF Chris Beairsto (#2) – Another “one hit wonder” case, Beairsto hit .241 with 17 homers in a half-season in ’03 that was sparkling, if only when compared to what the rest of the team was doing. Had another 18 homers with the Bayhawks in 2006, but never hit for any sort of average and was chewed up by the time he was 28, although he played in the minors for another five years after that. Batted .237/.303/.398 with 49 HR, 171 RBI.

2006 – OF Jimmy Eichelkraut (#3) – Could have been an endless source of puns, but was traded away in the aforementioned Ron Alston deal in 2008 before being flipped from the Indians to the Condors again the winter after that. When he eventually made his debut in 2012 he went 0-for-10, but clicked at age 27 (!) and became a premier power hitter as he closed in on 30. His 24+ homers for five years running with Tijuana, and was an All Star twice. The late bloomer hit .266/.349/.466 with 158 HR, 510 RBI in a 10-year career that was cut short by a torn labrum.

2023 – C Elijah Bean (#4) – Another 17 years passed without a top 5 pick before the Coons took Elijah Bean, who didn’t hit in the minors, then was exchanged, with others, for Kevin Harenberg at the deadline in 2026, which of course netted a title. Score Bean an assist on that. On his own, he’s been a sporadic major leaguer, who has been in the majors from 2027 through 2036, with plenty of gaps in between, and never for a full season. Most of his .248/.310/.353 clip with 13 HR and 79 RBI has come with the Wolves, and he is currently 33 and in AAA for the Loggers. If the Loggers don’t see you as an improvement…

2031 – OF Manny Fernandez (#5) – Finally a good pick again! Connected for at least a decent clip from the time he was drafted at age 21, and reached the majors only two years later. While it took his power a bit longer to break out, he hit .326 with 19 HR and 90 RBI to become the Player of the Year in 2036, the first the Raccoons got in *decades*. Currently as of May 31, 2037 he is a .292/.339/.443 batter with 54 HR and 306 RBI and is close to nipping his 100th base, sitting at 98.

2033 – SP Mike Lang (#4) – Oh boy. He was traded to the Knights the first opportunity we got to land Adam Avakian. So, yeah, this has been a bit of a tire fire. Lang, now only 22, has yet to appear above AA and seems to have major issues with command, but it’s not like we got anything out of that ****ty deal (except, ultimately, Gene Tennis).

I deliberately limited this to the top 5, because else this would have been a task for a whole week. This cut off a few Hall of Famers taken in the top 10: Yoshi Nomura (2002) and Angel Casas (2003), who were both #7 picks.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (27-20) vs. Falcons (19-31) – June 1-3, 2037

The Falcons had rallied from their disastrous start and were actually playing just over .500 since late April. The Raccoons thus couldn’t expect a cakewalk… but the first series of the year (2-1 in favor of Portland) hadn’t been one either… They were however still only eighth in runs scored and second from the bottom in runs allowed with a -40 run differential.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (3-0, 3.00 ERA) vs. Chris Turner (5-2, 2.24 ERA)
Josh Weeks (3-3, 3.90 ERA) vs. Rafael Pedraza (3-3, 2.75 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (4-2, 2.50 ERA) vs. Keith Black (2-9, 5.86 ERA)

“Tuba” Turner was the Falcons’ only southpaw available.

Game 1
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – LF Levis – 1B Monge – SS Aparicio – 3B Farfan – RF J. Aguilar – P C. Turner
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – RF Maldonado – SS Ramos – C Kilmer – P Sabre

Jonathan Reyna hit a double in the first, stole third base off a sleeping Kilmer, and scored on Ernesto Huichapa’s groundout. No Critter reached base until Berto opened the bottom 3rd with a single. Kilmer walked on four pitches, and both were bunted over by Sabre, giving the top of the order a prime chance to flip this thing around. Trevino struck out, Myers walked, and Manny Fernandez flew out to Reyna. – Oh, Maud, if you want me to remain calm, you should make me that herbal tea thing right now, because I already want to scream.

Danny Monge hit a monstrous homer to right after Sabre nailed Doug Levis with an 0-2 pitch in the fourth, extending the gap to 3-0. Sabre also nailed Jerry Aguilar in the fifth, that runner was bunted over, and scored on a single up the middle by Oscar Aguirre while I was pouring the herbal tea into a bigger mug with a laughing cartoon Coon and spiced it with plenty o’ Capt’n Coma. The Raccoons did get on the board with a Trevino walk and Dave Myers’ homer to center in the bottom 5th, cutting the gap in half. Hits remained scarce; when Sabre was hit for to begin the bottom 7th – Rich Vickers grounded out – he had allowed four runs on as many knocks, while the Raccoons had only three base hits for two runs. The Falcons made it five for five in the top 8th, where the royal fool Dusty Kulp walked two before giving up a 2-out RBI single to Danny Monge, and the Raccoons looked properly skinned at that point. Justin Fowler would hit a solo jack off left-hander Daniel Miller in the bottom 8th, narrowing the score to 5-3. Stedham walked, was forced out by Maldonado’s grounder, and then Maldonado was caught stealing. One of those games… Mauricio Garavito gave up another run in the ninth, after which the Raccoons got 1-out hits by pinch-hitters Ed Hooge and Tony Morales with one out in the bottom 9th. Trevino came up as the tying run, walked, and things got dicier for right-handed Marcos Ochoa and his 2.19 ERA. Myers dropped a ball behind Aguirre for an RBI single, 6-4, and the bags remained loaded for Manny Fernandez, but struck out. Fowler coaxed a walk off Ochoa, though, and pushed home another run with two outs. All eyes on Jesse Stedham! One strike! Two strikes! Thr- Ball hit to center! In for a base hit, Trevino in to score, tied game! Here comes Myers! No throw! COONS WALK OFF!! 7-6 Raccoons!! Myers 2-4, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Ramos 2-4; Hooge (PH) 1-1; Morales (PH) 1-1;

Ooooh, one of *those* games …! (grins stupidly)

Game 2
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF J. Reyna – C Huichapa – LF Levis – 1B Monge – SS Aparicio – RF J. Aguilar – 3B Farfan – P Pedraza
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Weeks

Aguirre opened the contest with a double and would score on Levis’ 2-out, 2-strike single, so here was another game that was to be played from behind. Again it took the Critters a bit to wake up from their nap, which was probably what happens after half an oxen for lunch (per player, that is), but Weeks and Trevino hit singles to go to the corner in the bottom 3rd. Dave Myers grounded out, but the tying run got across, however, Trevino was to be stranded. Bottom 4th, though, Stedham and Berto went to the corners with leadoff singles! Here was a chance if the bottom of the order could get anything together; Tony Morales gave Portland the lead with a sac fly, 2-1, before Hooge drew a walk. The Coons pulled off a double steal in a surprising spot, then got a run-scoring groundout from Weeks for the pitcher’s first RBI of the year. Cosmo dashed out an infield single, putting runners back on the corners with two outs, and Pedraza melted further, throwing a wild pitch to plate Ed Hooge, 4-1. Trevino was to second, and scored from there on Myers’ hard single to left. The inning ended with Manny’s groundout, but the Coons were now ahead by a slam!

Tony Aparicio hit a single off Weeks in the fifth, but was doubled off, and instead Stedham socked a homer in the bottom of the inning, 6-1. The Falcons couldn’t get going – Aguirre singled in the sixth, then was doubled off, 4-6-3, by Reyna. Portland scratched out a run in the bottom 7th when Hooge hit a 2-out single with Berto and Morales on base. Berto scored from second, Morales was cut down between second and third to end the inning. On only 86 pitches, Weeks batted for himself in the bottom 8th and was then back out for the ninth against the top of the order. Aguirre struck out, Reyna grounded out to short, and Huichapa was out on a comebacker. 7-1 Critters! Trevino 2-4, BB; Myers 2-4, BB, 2 RBI; Stedham 2-3, BB, HR, RBI; Ramos 3-4; Morales 1-2, RBI; Weeks 9.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K, W (4-3) and 1-4, RBI;

Consecutive Indians losses to begin the week brought about a new leader in the division. Why, it’s the Raccoons! (throws Honeypaws into the air repeatedly and laughs like a 6-year-old)

Game 3
CHA: 2B O. Aguirre – CF J. Reyna – LF Levis – 1B Monge – SS Aparicio – C Sawyer – 3B Depp – RF J. Aguilar – P Black
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Ottinger

It was on Ottie to keep the team in first place, and he did rather well to begin the game, allowing a hit to Reyna in the first inning, and then nothing else until the fifth. Raccoons offense was also absent; they also had only one base hit the first time through, a Hooge single, but couldn’t get him around, either. The top 6 in the lineup all went 0-2 before Tony Morales hit a 2-out single in a scoreless game in the bottom 5th. Hooge also landed a single, bringing up Ottie, who had been a fairly competent batter so far, and smacked a single past Aparicio. Morales was waved around, but there was the throw by Reyna – a smidgen late! RBI single for Ottie!! The crowd went pretty much completely berserk even before Cosmo and Myers chipped in another pair of RBI singles, giving the Critters a 3-0 lead. Manny then struck out in a full count, ending the inning after five straight 2-out hits, one of those morale-sapping moments.

All was well until Ottie suddenly had the handbrake pulled in the seventh inning, walked Levis, Aparicio, and Mike Sawyer, and the Falcons sent Jimmy Wallace, batting .239 with six homers, to hit for Joe Depp. Portland blinked, David Fernandez came out to match Wallace’s lefty bat, and got him to hit a *high* pop to shallow right. Manny Fernandez waited ages for the ball to come down, then cupped it to strand all those tying runs. That was the crucial at-bat; Prieto had a quick eighth, and Yeom Soung got around a single in the ninth to close out the game and complete the sweep. 3-0 Raccoons! Trevino 2-4, RBI; Hooge 2-3; Ottinger 6.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 7 K, W (5-2) and 1-1, RBI;

Alright, boys, that was a nice job!

Now get a cup full of sleep, because you won’t get many of those this month, and the Titans will be in here on Friday.

Raccoons (30-20) vs. Titans (24-30) – June 5-7, 2037

Tenth in runs scored – that was burying the Titans, especially with only average pitching around. They hadn’t scored any runs last year either, but had still squeezed out another title. Were they finally at the end of the road? I sure hoped so. For now, they were fifth in the division, eight games back, and held a 4-2 lead in the season series…

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (5-4, 3.53 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (1-6, 3.79 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-1, 2.24 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (3-3, 2.61 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (3-0, 3.35 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (2-2, 3.10 ERA)

They also only had one southpaw available, and that would be Tony Chavez. With Mario Gonzalez and Andy Bressner they had some stellar starting pitching on the DL, and neither was expected back before late July. Moises Avila was also on the DL, taking some bite out of an already weak lineup.

Game 1
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – C J. Herrera – CF Hawthorne – 1B Uliasz – 2B Hansen – P Willett
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – RF Maldonado – P B. Chavez

For once, the Critters were off to the races early; Cosmo singled to right, Myers singled to left, and Fowler hit a 3-piece to right-center, his 12th of the season, for an early 3-0 lead! Willett continued to struggle, walking Jesse Stedham, who stole second base and reached third on a bloop single by Berto. Tony Morales’ sac fly to center was the final run in the bottom 1st, and it gave Bernie Chavez a 4-0 lead to play with. Unfortunately, Bernie was ALL OVER the ****ing place, throwing 65 pitches in the first three innings, and didn’t even get scored upon…!? He allowed three hits, one walk, and whiffed four, but he was in long counts all the goddamn time. 12 pitches in the fourth looked like vacation then and gave him strikeouts against Willie Vega and George Hawthorne to boot. Justin Uliasz hit a leadoff single in the fifth, but was doubled up by John Hansen, who ran another one of those full counts… Five innings ultimately took Bernie 88 pitches, and he wasn’t going to be around forever…

Antonio Gil hit a leadoff jack in the sixth, erasing Fowler’s sac fly after Cosmo’s leadoff triple in the bottom of the fifth for a 5-1 score. Bernie got two more outs, then was taken deep in a full count by Willie Vega, and then was whisked off the mound. The Raccoons removed Fowler in a double switch, longing or four outs from Dusty Kulp, which was a daring proposition to begin with, and the #6 spot would lead off the bottom 6th. Kulp at least rung up Juan Herrera to end the inning right in front of us, then walked George Hawthorne, gave up a bomb to Justin Uliasz, and walked John Hansen before being kicked into the clubhouse tunnel. David Fernandez inherited the game, blew it with two 2-out singles by Adam Corder and Ivan Vega, and the game, which had looked so comfortably in the bag, was now a 5-5 tie. Oh, the agony.

Chris Wise’ scoreless ninth kept the Titans pinned, so the Raccoons still had a chance to walk off in regulation with a single run off Mike Hugh and his 4.50 ERA in the bottom 9th. Manny popped out, and much to our chagrin, Fowler was no longer in the game. Ed Hooge hit for Wise, grounded out poorly, and then Stedham hit a double to center, getting the winning run on base after all. Berto grounded out to Antonio Gil, however, and the game went to extras, where Yeom Soung pitched a scoreless 10th before Willie Vega, a left-hander no less, hit a home run off him in he 11th. Showdown in the bottom of the inning – the Raccoons brought up the top of the lineup against southpaw Wyatt Hamill. Trevino flew out to right, by Myers walked, bringing up the winning run in Fernandez, who lamentably struck out, and with Rich Vickers batting with the game on the line, I opened another bottle of booze and wouldn’t be disappointed. Grounder to Gil, throw to first, game over. 6-5 Titans. Trevino 2-5, 3B; Fowler 1-2, HR, 4 RBI; Ramos 2-4;

Why. Just … how… this …

UGH.

Game 2
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – C J. Herrera – CF Hawthorne – 1B Uliasz – 2B Hansen – P T. Chavez
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – RF Maldonado – C Kilmer – SS Nickas – P Sparkes

After little to no offense in the early innings, the Titans had the Vegas in scoring position with a single and a double to begin the inning in the fourth. What followed was somewhat bizarre – two shallow flies in rightfield that Maldonado caught carrying so much momentum that the Vegas retreated to their bases, then a 2-2 Justin Uliasz drive to deep left that Manny Fernandez caught while feeling for the fence. The end result was the desired one, no score, but pretty looked a whole lot different than that! It didn’t help my general mood that the Raccoons were completely unable to get on base. Sparkes hit a single in the bottom 3rd. Nickas hit a single in the bottom 5th. That, and a Gil error, was about it in the first five innings…

Adam Corder got nicked to begin the sixth, but somehow the Bostonians still didn’t go for the kill on clueless Critters, who didn’t reach base with their 1-2-3 batters again in the bottom 6th. Sparkes gave his all, holding the Titans dry on six base hits and 107 pitches in seven innings, but that was all he had in the tank. Stedham hit an infield single with one out in the bottom 7th, which was such a rush, then moved up on a groundout by Maldonado, which was mildly inefficient. Kilmer grounded out to short, and Sparkes had his no-decision. Prieto nixed the 3-4-5 batters in the eighth, after which Berto batted for Nickas leading off the bottom of the inning against Chavez, who had thrown only 77 pitches through seven, whiffing four. Berto legged out an infield roller, then ignited the afterburners on Vickers’ pinch-hit single over Hansen’s glove. Runners on the corners, no outs, scoreless game in the eighth. For ****’s sake, I swear, if you don’t score, you better ****ing don’t come back to the dugout (polishes blunderbuss)!! Trevino hit a fly to shallow left that Willie Vega caught rushing in (Gold Glove, right there), and that was not a chance for Berto. Myers ran a full count, then popped one behind Gil, another Gold Glover. That Gold Glover dropped the ****ing baseball, Berto made a dash and scored, and somehow the Coons had a ****ing run on the board. Manny flew out, Fowler whiffed, it was horrendous, and of course Soung was unavailable after pitching two innings for the loss on Friday. Chris Wise took the ball against the 6-7-8 section, with Fowler removed for defense. George Hawthorne grounded out to Myers. Mark Walker had entered the game earlier and was a lefty batter, didn’t bite anything, and walked. John Hansen grounded to left, where Berto knocked the ball down well to his right, but couldn’t make a play out of it – infield single. Bill Moore pinch-hit, .133 with four homers, which was kind of scary. Mound conference, detailed scouting report, which was basically that he would flail with his eyes closed and power up to 11. Wise fed him a low fastball that Moore chunked to the left side, right at Myers, throw to Cosmo at second, to first – double play, ballgame!! 1-0 Blighters! Ramos (PH) 1-1; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Sparkes 7.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 6 K and 1-2;

Oh boy. Unearned run for the win! Can they make my hair possibly get any whiter??

We began Sunday two games up on Indy, one game up on New York, and half a game up on the damn Elks, so I’d appreciate vigor from everybody on the payroll. Look – even Slappy has donned his work gloves!

I know, Slappy, more grip on the bottles, isn’t it?

Game 3
BOS: SS Gil – 3B Corder – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – C J. Herrera – CF Hawthorne – 1B Uliasz – 2B Hansen – P Potter
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Sabre

Corder doubled, Willie Vega homered well to left, and the Raccoons were yet again trailing in the first inning. Trevino opened the bottom 1st with a single to right, Myers singled to left, and up came Manny, who had one measly base hit on the entire week. He flew out to left as his plague continued, Fowler struck out, but Stedham walked. The bags were full for Berto, and he poked the 0-1 pitch to right. Uliasz made a dive, but missed the ball, ticking it over the bag and into foul territory, away from Ivan Vega, and allowing the two leading runners to score and tie the game. Tony Morales ran a full count before hitting an RBI single to right, and then Ed Hooge got hold of a hanging breaking ball and BELTED a bomb to right, 3-run homer, Coons up 6-2!! Potter gave up *another* two singles to Sabre and Trevino before Gil made a diving grab on a low liner by Myers, finally ending the inning.

Unfortunately, Sabre was just as ****. Hawthorne opened with a single, he walked Hansen after Uliasz forced the runner, and then even POTTER hit a single to center. The Coons got only one runner on Gil’s bouncer to Myers, one run scored, but at least Fowler caught a shallow fly by Corder to get out of the top 2nd with a 6-3 tally. The scoring stopped at that point, but the offense continued to rage, though ineptly, with the Coons having Cosmo in the third and Fernandez in the fourth caught stealing by Juan Herrera. Oh well – at least Manny hit a single! Potter was lifted after four innings and Sabre would probably not be far behind after giving up a leadoff jack to Gil, of all people. Corder singled, Ivan Vega hit into a double play, and that latter 6-4-3 was the only reason Sabre even got to face Willie Vega with two outs in the fifth, because Garavito was up and warm. Garavito helped us ****ing nothing when Vega singled to center at 2-2, but Herrera grounded out on the next pitch, which would also be Sabre’s last unless the Coons came up with another 6-spot or something of that magnitude in the bottom 5th. They very much didn’t, and Kulp would have to pitch to the bottom of the order, allowing a leadoff triple to Hawthorne right away. He struck out Uliasz and Hansen, but when left-hander Drew Olszewski pinch-hit for the reliever on duty, the Raccoons went to Garavito, who entered in the #8 hole, with Maldonado taking over in rightfield and Manny going over to left. Olszewski doubled, Gil homered, and another huge lead was blown…

While I was debating the whole damn point about life with Honeypaws, Maldonado and Trevino went to the corners with hits off Derek Barker in the bottom 6th. Myers whiffed, and all the Coons got was a game-tying sac fly by Manny Fernandez, seven-each after Fowler popped out to conclude the inning. The seventh was the usual nothingness before David Fernandez gave up a 2-out run in the eighth. Corder hit a 2-out single, scored on Ivan Vega’s double, 8-7, and by now I was sure of defeat and having to look up to the damn Elks. Bottom 8th, Rich Vickers hit in the #8 hole and singled off Austin Holt, who was yanked for Mike Hugh. Maldonado singled through the hole on the left side, and now we’d like a gapper. But Trevino flew out and Myers got nailed, which loaded the bases, bringing up Manny with one out. He better get his **** together now, because the division lead is on the line! … No, Honeypaws, I don’t know why I am yelling at YOU. … Manny fell to 1-2, popped out to short, I howled in agony, got a pat on the back by Slappy, and the inning was yet continuing, now with Fowler in the box and two outs. He whacked away at the first pitch, a fly to deep left, but … how long? … was it? … would it…? It didn’t. But Willie Vega, while reaching the fence, also couldn’t get his glove up high enough to reach the ball as it clonked off the top of the fence. Denied a slam, Justin Fowler decided he was content with a bases-clearing double, giving the Coons a 10-8 lead …! Stedham grounded out, and with that we gave the ball to The Warden and closed our eyes real tight. Herrera singled to left. Oh boy. Hawthorne whiffed. Uliasz was the one you’d be concerned about, but he grounded up the middle, Berto picked the ball, with UTMOST ELEGANCE swiped the bag with his hindpaw while pirouetting AND fired to first base in time – BALLGAME!!!! 10-8 Furballs!! Trevino 3-5; Fowler 2-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Maldonado 2-2;

In other news

June 1 – SAC RF Troy Greenway (.290, 6 HR, 21 RBI) will be out until the All Star Game with a herniated disc.
June 2 – The hitting streak of DEN OF/1B Rich de Luna (.323, 1 HR, 14 RBI) ends against the Rebels. De Luna goes 0-for-5 in a 6-4 Gold Sox win, failing to hit for a 21st straight game.
June 2 – Warriors SP Tony Galligher (4-6, 2.75 ERA) could be out for the season with a torn finger tendon.
June 3 – Rebels catcher Mitch Cook (.247, 5 HR, 28 RBI) has 6 RBI on four hits in a 10-inning, 14-12 win over the Gold Sox.
June 4 – After fighting the Bayhawks to a 1-1 tie in regulation, the Crusaders collapse in the 11th inning, conceding seven runs, which they can’t quite make up on the way to a 7-2 loss.
June 5 – CHA SP Bobby LeMoine (5-3, 3.72 ERA) no-hits the Bayhawks for 8 2/3 innings before giving up hits to Mario Hurtado (.315, 1 HR, 24 RBI) and Mike Moran (.387, 1 HR, 6 RBI). Ushered out of the game, he sees those runs go onto his ledger against Marcos Ochoa (0-2, 5.93 ERA, 7 SV), but the Falcons hold on to win 4-3. Another casualty of the game is the 23-game hitting streak of SFB RF/LF Pablo Sanchez (.327, 4 HR, 27 RBI). Sanchez, 43 years old, goes 0-for-3 against LeMoine.
June 5 – IND 1B Brent Rempfer (.291, 6 HR, 24 RBI) knocks in six runs on a homer and a double in the Indians’ 16-4 thrashing of the Crusaders.
June 5 – Atlanta’s Justin Simmons (.283, 4 HR, 19 RBI) has five hits, a home run, and drives in four runs in a 10-9 loss to the Condors. His teammate, RF/LF Roy Pincus (.260, 12 HR, 37 RBI) also has five hits, including two doubles, and 2 RBI.
June 5 – Las Vegas out-hits the Thunder, 17-7, yet loses 4-3 in 15 innings. The Aces leave 16 runners on base to Oklahoma’s four.
June 6 – The Aces pick up SP/MR Bobby Valencia (5-2, 6.75 ERA) in a deal with the Thunder, who receive a rather meager prospect.
June 6 – SFB 1B Kevin McGrath (.272, 4 HR, 42 RBI) has four hits and 5 RBI in a 12-10 slugfest win over the Falcons.

FL Player of the Week: NAS 2B/SS Billy Bouldin (.396, 0 HR, 29 RBI) was on fire, hitting .560 (14-25) with 4 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.339, 7 HR, 37 RBI) was solid, batting .524 (11-21) with 2 HR, 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

(looks exhausted)

First place! It was not always pretty this week… okay, it was hardly ever pretty. There was one comfy win (Weeks on Tuesday), and the rest of the week were battles to the ****ing death.

Gene Tennis was not used even once this week, which makes me think we have to yank him for a right-hander. To be fair, there is at least one more superfluous player on the roster (Nickas) and we could do better if we had a good pinch-hitter in his spot.

It’s games relentless now, and the Raccoons will have a trip to Indy for a 4-game set to begin next week, then return home briefly to play the Pacifics. No off day until the 25th, AND double headers on the 22nd and 29th…

Say, Senor Scout, I don’t see a centerfield rating for Justin Fowler in this table. – What do you mean, “that’s right”? – Uh-oh.

Fun Fact: Cristiano Carmona says we have the highest defensive efficiency in the league.

So, what is it. Are Berto and Fowler melting down defensively, or *are* we extremely adept at defense? It can’t both be true! (yells at Cristiano and the head scout) One of you is lying! There is only one way to settle this. – Trial by combat!!

(bends down and retrieves six javelins hidden behind the desk) Each of you take three, you’ll chuck them at each other, and the last guy standing is correct. – YES I KNOW CRISTIANO YOU CAN’T STAND!! DON’T GO ON MY WHISKERS!!

[Westheim]

Raccoons (32-21) @ Indians (30-25) – June 8-11, 2037

The Indians had slipped to fourth place in the North after losing six of their last seven games and 12 of their last 16. They were a bit inconsistent, having scored 29 runs the previous week, 25 of those in two games, and of those they had still lost one to the Condors. Overall they ranked fifth in runs scored and eighth in runs allowed, with only a +2 run differential (Coons: +34). They sure were the home run kings, leading the league with 53 bombs (Coons: 2nd, 45), but were near the bottom with 17 stolen bases (Coons: 2nd, 41). The Critters had yet to win a game from them in ’37, having been swept in the first 3-game set of the year.

Projected matchups:
Josh Weeks (4-3, 3.51 ERA) vs. Mike Hurley (5-3, 3.53 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (5-2, 2.24 ERA) vs. Jamie O’Leary (5-4, 4.36 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-4, 3.50 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (4-3, 5.62 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-1, 2.02 ERA) vs. Mitch Brothers (3-4, 3.96 ERA)

O’Leary was the only southpaw in the series that we’d get, missing Arnie Terwilliger (5-5, 3.92 ERA), who had pitched on Sunday.

For Portland, with the long slog ahead, there would be a couple of off days in for everybody in the lineup, and since we weren’t sure whether we’d see a southpaw on the weekend, we’d probably skip over a bunch of lefty batters on Tuesday, including Manny Fernandez, who had so far only once been missing from the starting lineup. Him, Myers, and Berto were the only Raccoons to appear in every game of the season until now.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Weeks
IND: 1B Rempfer – 2B Schneller – 3B Hutson – CF Baron – C Ebner – LF Acor – SS D. Serrato – RF Garbinski – P Hurley

Weeks, who had walked but eight batters in 66.2 innings heading into this game, issued 2-out walks to Dan Hutson and Sean Ebner right in the first, with a John Baron single in between. Fernandez made a running catch in rightfield on Dustin Acor’s fly, keeping all three Arrowheads stranded. Dave Serrato drew another walk in the second as Weeks continued to look well off, with the team turning double plays for him in the second (erasing Serrato on Josh Garbinski’s grounder), third (to get rid of Dan Schneller and his single), and fourth (Baron double, Ebner walk…). At that point the Raccoons were still waiting for their first base hit, which Jesse Stedham would provide with a leadoff single in the top 5th of the scoreless game. Tony Morales’ walk in the third inning had been the only time a Critter had made it on base so far. Morales then blended seamlessly into the assorted misery around him, hitting into a 6-4-3 to kill the fifth. The game then went to hell in the bottom 5th, which Garbinski opened with a double. Weeks misfielded Hurley’s bunt, walked Brent Rempfer, … and walked Schneller, too. That was the first run of the game, and the last that Weeks would oversee personally, being yanked after four-plus disgusting innings with four hits and six walks against him. Chris Wise came on, rung up Hutson and Baron, then gave up a 2-run single to Ebner with two outs. Acor flew out to center, but at 3-0, the Raccoons were buried already. The Indians piled another three runs on Gene Tennis in the seventh inning, and we didn’t feel like they’d matter at that point, until Jeff Kilmer scratched out a run with a pinch-hit single in the eighth, driving in Tony Morales; and the ninth saw the bags fill up on an Oscar Mendoza error, a Stedham singled, and a Berto walk. Morales knocked out Hurley with a 2-out, 2-run single, bringing the tying run to the plate … and Alan Mays prevailed, getting Ed Hooge to ground out to Serrato. 6-3 Indians. Morales 2-3, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Kilmer (PH) 1-1, RBI;

Here was a mostly right-handed lineup that our bullpen absolutely didn’t cope well with, and that wasn’t the first time. The Raccoons thus deleted one of their four left-handed relievers, sending Gene Tennis (2.70 ERA) back to St. Petersburg to bring up a right-hander: Travis Sims (2.70 ERA as well!);

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – 1B Stedham – CF Fowler – LF Maldonado – C Kilmer – RF Pinkerton – SS Nickas – P Ottinger
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – 3B Hutson – RF Leftwich – CF Baron – LF Garbinski – 1B Rempfer – SS D. Serrato – P O’Leary

Indy went up 1-0 in the first thanks to a Schneller triple and a bloop single that dropped like ****ing pigeon ****, clubbed off Jamie Leftwich’s bat. All the Raccoons had the first time through was a Dave Myers single, and my facial expressions were becoming more dire by the inning. That remained their only base hit through five, while the bottom 5th brought about another stellar Raccoons moment for eternity when Ottinger, who did his royal best, but it wasn’t enough once again, walked ex-Coon Elliott Thompson with two outs, Thompson surprisingly went to steal second, and reached third on Kilmer’s colossal throwing error. Dan Schneller, an absolute executioner on the Raccoons with every chance he got, singled to center, 2-0, and then Ottinger began to melt. Hutson got on, and then the runners were in motion on a Leftwich drive over Fowler’s head. Schneller scored, Hutson was thrown out at home plate after all, and it was 3-0 and total sadness again.

The Raccoons didn’t get another ****ing base hit until the seventh, when Stedham singled to right with one down. Fowler hit into a force play, and Maldonado grounded out to first. Bottom 7th, Dusty Kulp came on and walked Serrato to begin the inning. He also walked PH Oscar Mendoza. Thompson struck out (Coons genes coming through), and he drilled Schneller with an 0-2 pitch. Hutson drove in two with a sharp single, which was all we longed to see from Kulp, with David Fernandez getting a double play grounder from John Baron in a ringing defeat that saw no significant events after Kulp’s meltdown. 5-0 Indians.

It was his last. With his ERA up to 6.75, Dusty Kulp’s tumultuous Raccoons career came to an end after 167 appearances, too many of them utter dog ****. He had already walked 4.3/9 in ’36, and was now up to 6.8/9. He was waived and designated for assignment, likely to culminate in his release by the weekend.

23-year-old Francisco Pena was promoted from AAA, where he also walked six per nine innings, but his assignment was not considered permanent yet – we just had to get through the week, or get Dennis Citriniti up, who had pitched long relief o Tuesday and was unavailable. Pena had been one of the prospects acquired in in the Bryce Sparkes / Jimmy Wallace deal last winter, the other – Daniel Hernandez – performing absolutely terribly at AAA. Pena had a 4.94 ERA, too, but like I said, it was only a temporary solution.

Meanwhile, what we *really* needed was some ****ing offense…

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Ramos – C Morales – LF Hooge – P Chavez
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – 3B Hutson – RF Leftwich – CF Baron – 1B Caraballo – LF Garbinski – SS D. Serrato – P Nora

Tomas Caraballo homered off Bernie Chavez for Wednesday’s early deficit, but at least the Raccoons tied the game at one with doubles by Ed Hooge and Cosmo Trevino in the top of the third. And then they left Trevino on second with one out, Myers lining out to Hutson and Fernandez popping out. There wasn’t much V in our MVP right now… Bottom 3rd, Dan Schneller hit a leadoff double, Dan Hutson whacked a homer, and the Raccoons were behind yet again…

Next they lost Alberto Ramos to a tweak in the back by the fourth inning, with Trevino shifting to short and Rich Vickers entering at second base as replacement. Meanwhile the Raccoons pumped out eight base hits in the first five innings this time… but still couldn’t score another run, either hitting into double plays, or running into outs, like Berto, seconds before Dan Hutson fell on top of him...

Justin Fowler homered to left to begin the sixth, cutting the gap to 3-2, and while I hoped that this would be something of a rally starter, a Stedham single was all that was in the books. Vickers whiffed, Morales chucked into a double play. Instead, bottom 7th, Garavito walked Thompson, Hutson singled, and with two outs Prieto was no ****ing help either, walking PH Brent Rempfer, whom to retire he was specifically inserted for, and then gave up an 0-2, 2-run single to Dustin Acor before Baron flew out. Down 5-2, the tying run was up for Portland in the eighth with yet more probably unproductive singles by Myers and Fernandez. Fowler batted with no outs, raked at the first pitch – and barfed it over the fence! Home run! Tied ballgame! Alan Mays retired the next three, with Prieto holding the fort in the bottom 8th. The Indians sent Tim Thweatt into the top of the ninth, which began with Hooge, a liner just over Hutson’s Gold Glove, and a double that put the go-ahead run in scoring position. Pinkerton (slim pickings) batted for Prieto and struck out, while Trevino was walked intentionally. To my utmost annoyance, the ploy even ****ing worked, with Myers striking out and Fernandez grounding out to short. Wise got the game to extras, where Fowler and Morales were stranded when Hooge popped out.

David Fernandez pitched two innings after entering in a double switch with Kilmer, bringing the game to the 12th. Jorge Villegas jr. allowed 2-out singles to Stedham and Vickers, inconveniently presenting the pitcher’s spot next. Nickas and his .130 twig was all that was left on the bench, and he unpredictably hit a single to right on a 2-2 pitch. Entirely predictably, however, Mendoza threw out Stedham at home plate to end the inning. Pena made his debut in the bottom 12th of a terrible game o’ baseball, allowed a double to Caraballo, walked Garbinski, but somehow staggered through the inning with Serrato flying out to Hooge and Jeremy Bainer rolling one to Trevino. It was then Jeff Kilmer, who raised his average all the way to .197, to break the tie in the 13th, hitting a 1-out solo jack off Villegas. That was all the offense that was in the Portlander, but at least they could now throw their closer Yeom Soung at a disfigured part of the Indians’ order. How disfigured? It was the #1 slot, and reliever Jacob Poirier was manning it. He grounded out, Jairo Sigala struck out, and of course Hutson singled to left. Mendoza walked in a full count before Acor popped up an 0-1 in foul territory. Kilmer tossed his mask, hustled after the ball and made a headlong dive – and came up with it! Ballgame…! 6-5 Raccoons. Trevino 2-6, BB, 2B, RBI; Myers 3-7; Fowler 2-5, BB, 2 HR, 4 RBI; Stedham 2-6; Ramos 2-2; Morales 2-5; Nickas (PH) 1-1; Hooge 2-6, 2 2B; Kilmer 1-2, HR, RBI; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

First game, first win for Fernando Pena. Maybe he’ll win more at some point. Maybe they won’t be as ****ing miserable as this one.

Alberto Ramos was off to the DL and was expected to miss the rest of June. It was me saying that he had appeared in all games yet, wasn’t it? It was that, right? – Even Dr. Chung is nodding.

In the third roster move in three days, the Raccoons brought up Chiyosaku Maruyama. We’d see how long we could *endure* Steve Nickas at short before shooting him for good (maybe regular at-bats will give him better chances?), while Maruyama is mainly here for pinch-hitting in hopeless situations.

Game 4
POR: 3B Trevino – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – C Morales – 2B Vickers – SS Nickas – P Sparkes
IND: C E. Thompson – 2B Schneller – 3B Hutson – CF Baron – 1B Caraballo – LF Garbinski – RF O. Mendoza – SS D. Serrato – P Brothers

The Coons scored a run… IN THE FIRST INNING. Trevino walked, stole second, and came around on Manny Fernandez’ double, leading to much jubilation in the dugout and from the select seat I was occupying. Of course, Dan Schneller could feel that I was happy and immediately hit a homer off Sparkes to tie the game… And before long, this game was like all the others in the set – the Indians scratched out a narrow lead at some point, in this case John Baron’s leadoff triple and a groundout by Caraballo in the fourth, and the Raccoons were still stuck on ONE ****ing base hit, Fernandez’ double from the first.

Ed Hooge dropped a soft single in the sixth, then was immediately forced out on Fernandez’ grounder to second. That was already the second out, so there was urgency when Fowler fired a ball to center. Baron couldn’t reach it, and it was extra bases for sure. Manny raced around, scored on the double, and the game was tied at two. And then Stedham hit the ****tiest grounder in his repertoire right at Schneller, ending the inning.

The pitchers were then wiped out by rain and an hourlong delay in the seventh inning, with the last play before the delay being a Steve Nickas triple to center. With two outs of course! Sparkes was batted for by Maruyama once the Indians replaced Brothers with the left-handed Poirier, but the Indians didn’t bite and walked him intentionally, instead getting a grounder to short from Trevino to strand the runners. The Raccoons would not display any further offensive ambitions in regulation, then saw Travis Sims and Chris Wise walk the bases full with nobody out in the bottom 9th. Hutson, Baron, Acor – all aboard! Jeremy Leftwich grounded to first, with Stedham firing home to cut down Hutson. But Mendoza poked an 0-2 to center for a walkoff single. 3-2 Indians. M. Fernandez 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Sparkes 6.0 IP, 2 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K;

This completely third-world performance brought the four-pack at the top of the division really close together; the Raccoons were virtually tied with the Crusaders, while the Elks and Indians were just one game behind.

Raccoons (33-24) vs. Pacifics (26-34) – June 12-14, 2037

There wasn’t much to like about the Pacifics, who were third from the bottom in runs scored in the Federal League (tell me about it), and fourth in runs allowed. The rotation was solid, the pen not so much, and their defense also left things to be desired. This was the fourth straight year we’d play them; we had taken two of three last season.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (3-0, 3.75 ERA) vs. John Nelson (1-6, 4.75 ERA)
Josh Weeks (4-4, 3.69 ERA) vs. Chris Sulkey (3-4, 3.48 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (5-3, 2.43 ERA) vs. Julio Palomo (4-6, 3.53 ERA)

There was another southpaw scheduled for Saturday, which would then become Stedham’s day off. Fowler was given the day off in the series opener.

Game 1
LAP: CF Gouveia – RF Chavira – 1B M. Taylor – C Sailas – LF Dunlap – 2B J. Cruz – 3B M. Delgado – SS R. Johnston – P J. Nelson
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – CF Maldonado – C Morales – LF Hooge – SS Nickas – P Sabre

To anybody’s surprise, Sabre staved off a leadoff walk and a single in the first by starting a nifty 1-6-3 double play, while the Raccoons had Manny and Stedham in scoring position with two outs in the bottom 1st and Jesus Maldonado actually hit a 2-run single through the left side. He stole second, but Morales grounded out eventually. Sabre struggled with control and spent virtually his entire day behind in the count, and only narrowly avoided serving up a game-tying homer by Jose Cruz on a 2-0 pitch in the top 4th. Ed Hooge made the leap and catch at the fence in left, and the replay showed that the ball probably would have gone over to ruin another day for me.

The Raccoons had Morales on with a leadoff walk in the bottom 4th. Hooge hit a liner to center that Narciso Gouveia misplayed into a double, putting two in scoring position with – oh. Nickas and Sabre batting. Interestingly, the Pacifics WALKED Nickas, the .179 batter, with intent, bringing up Sabre with the bases loaded, and Raffaello wasn’t *that* bad a batter, hitting .170 for his career. He bettered that mark to .172 with a single up the middle, plated two runs, and the Pacifics looked like doofuses now, and were also down 4-0. Trevino hit into a fielder’s choice, Dave Myers hit a sac fly to right, and Fernandez walked. Trevino took off for third base, then scored when Manny Delgado couldn’t come up with Robbie Sailas’ throw, which was the last of four runs for Portland in the fourth inning. – No, Honeypaws, you have no idea. It was NOTHING like this on the trip to Indy. – Yes, I cried a lot. – Also because I missed you! (squeezes stuffed toy raccoon)

Funnily, with Gene Winton pitching and serving up a Hooge double in the bottom 5th, the Pacifics would walk Nickas with two outs AGAIN. Sabre obliged, knocking another RBI single to center, 7-0. A Trevino single made it 8-0, and then Winton just walked guys until he finally got the hook, stage left. Stedham flew out to left, stranding three, but the Raccoons were up 9-0 by now. Nickas was up AGAIN with two outs in the bottom 6th, then with Morales on third base and Mike Wilt pitching. Having gotten wiser to Sabre’s act, the Pacifics pitched to Nickas this time. He whacked an RBI single. Sabre batted for himself once more, singled, and the L.A. manager was caught browsing the job offers in the Agitator. Sabre completed seven shoddy shutout innings (yes, such thing existed!) on 101 pitches, Pena did the eighth in scoreless fashion, though impeded by a Myers error, and Nickas made an error behind Soung (who had to pitch because our pen was stripped thin otherwise), who was not scored upon either in the ninth. In between Nickas had singled in Pinkerton off Jinten Kaneshiro. 11-0 Critters! Pinkerton (PH) 1-1, 2B; Hooge 4-5, 2 2B, RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (4-0) and 3-4, 3 RBI;

We had 14 hits, half of those by Hooge and Sabre…

Cristiano, you think Sabre can play short?

Game 2
LAP: LF Gouveia – C S. Garcia – 2B J. Cruz – 1B J. Evans – SS R. Johnston – CF Willis – RF Dunlap – 3B M. Delgado – P Sulkey
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Maldonado – C Kilmer – 2B Vickers – RF Pinkerton – P Weeks

Straight 1-out singles loaded the bases in the bottom 1st, bringing up Jesus Maldonado, who put the Coons on the board with a drive to center. Mighty drive, I must say! GRAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!!!

The dust on that settled quicker than the late-arriving fans, and by the second inning it was 5-0 when Manny singled home Cosmo with two outs. The Pacifics got an unearned run on a rare Manny Fernandez error in the top 3rd, putting Gouveia at third base before Jose Cruz hit a sac fly, and another 2-out rally occurred in the fifth where Gouveia singled, Steve Garcia rammed an RBI double off the fence, and Cruz hit an RBI single to get back to 5-3. Well, well, the brown team better put their batting shoes back on… Bottom 5th, Maldonado reached on a throwing error by Garcia with two outs. Kaneshiro walked Kilmer, then hung one to Rich Vickers that was never seen again – 3-run homer, see ya, 8-3 lead! Gene Winton was back in the bottom 6th after having been socked on Friday already. He walked Weeks leading off, then gave up a double to Trevino. Myers lined out, but Manny hit an RBI single, and Fowler, in his 1,500th ABL game, drove the dagger all the way through with his 15th homer of the season, a 3-piece to right-center! Pitching change, J.D. Hamm reporting for L.A. and serving up a Maldonado homer on his fourth pitch. No idea what was going on, to be honest, but I liked it!

That was it for offense, though, but plenty of offense it had been. Weeks lasted seven okay-ish innings, certainly better than his Monday showing, and Sims and Prieto would finish out the game. 13-3 Furballs! Trevino 3-5, 3 2B; M. Fernandez 3-4, BB, 2 RBI; Fowler 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Hooge (PH) 1-1; Maldonado 2-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI;

With this assault on the blue-capped Pacifics, the Raccoons managed to tie for sixth place in runs scored, reaching the edge of the upper half in the CL for the first time all year long.

Game 3
LAP: CF Gouveia – RF Chavira – C Sailas – 2B J. Cruz – 3B M. Delgado – 1B S. Garcia – LF Willis – SS R. Johnston – P Palomo
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Maldonado – LF Hooge – SS Nickas – P Ottinger

Despite the rugged series in Indy, the Coons could still log a winning week by Ottie and the Crew taking this game, and may I just say it once and then never again, but the park was deafening with Ottie pitching on a Sunday afternoon. Ottie began with three strikeouts in two perfect innings, then got a lead in the bottom 2nd, with Fowler and Morales hitting singles, followed by two deep fly outs from Maldonado and Hooge, enough to get Fowler around. Nickas grounded out. After getting the RBI, Hooge dropped Ryan Johnston’s fly to left in the third inning, but Julio Palomo bunted into a double play. Vinny Chavira hit into a double play after Gouveia walked to open the fourth, but the Pacifics were on the corners in the fifth inning when Cruz walked and Garcia singled to right with one out. Daron Willis hit a grounder to second that was only good for an out at first, the tying run scored, and Garcia scored on Ryan Johnston’s double to center, flipping the score in L.A.’s favor.

The Coons of Indy were totally back. They had two hits in the first five innings, then got Trevino on in the bottom 6th, only to see him being caught stealing. Myers and Manny reached with two outs, Palomo threw a wild pitch… and Fowler lined out to Chavira in right. Everything that had clicked for two days would be absent for the next seventeen, I see. Apart from that inning, Palomo had them well under control, while Chris Wise issued a leadoff walk to Manny Delgado in the ninth, then conceded the run on a single by former Raccoon Noel Ferrero. Down 3-1, the Critters ran into their former Titans nightmare, Jermaine Campbell, and I just knew we were done, middle of the order up or not. Manny tripled to right-center, which was a great tease by the baseball gods, bringing up Fowler as the tying run. Fowler popped out. There we go. Morales grounded out to the mound, and that didn’t even get the run home. M-hm, saw that coming. Maldonado flew out lazily. Oh man, I am so shocked… 3-1 Pacifics. M. Fernandez 2-4, 3B; Hooge 1-2, RBI;

In other news

June 8 – Nashville’s 3B/2B Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.266, 6 HR, 32 RBI) figures to miss two weeks with a back strain.
June 9 – It takes 13 innings to find a winner in Atlanta, and to even score a single measly run. OCT LF/RF Federico Nuno (.188, 4 HR, 16 RBI) goes yard for the only tally in the Thunder’s 1-0 win.
June 10 – ATL SP Brad Santry (5-3, 3.02 ERA) 1-hits the Thunder in a 2-0 win, whiffing five. OCT INF/RF Todd Johnson (.248, 3 HR, 24 RBI) spoils the party though with an eighth-inning single.
June 10 – The Wolves pay two prospects for the Loggers’ 2B/3B Bill McWhirter (.294, 2 HR, 27 RBI).
June 10 – The Canadiens get 2B Andy Hughes (.267, 1 HR, 10 RBI) from the Thunder, parting with two rather dire “prospects”.
June 11 – LAP SP Dave Christiansen (6-3, 3.57 ERA) 3-hits the Scorpions in a 6-0 Los Angeles win.
June 13 – Another 1-hit shutout by an Atlanta pitcher: SP Chris Lulay (5-5, 2.61 ERA) holds the Buffaloes almost dry in a 4-0 win, striking out eight. TOP OF Greg Dowden (.184, 3 HR, 13 RBI) hits a triple in the first inning, but the Buffaloes can’t score of that chance, and wouldn’t get any other.
June 14 – The Caps’ SP Alfredo Vargas (9-1, 3.01 ERA) 3-hits the Bayhawks in a 4-0 Washington win.

FL Player of the Week: RIC SP Jon Pereira (5-5, 3.42 ERA), going twice for a 2-0, 0.53 ERA, 10 K clip
CL Player of the Week: IND 2B Dan Schneller (.340, 12 HR, 35 RBI), swatting .500 (13-26) with 2 HR, 6 RBI

Complaints and stuff

This week sucked. The Coons were beaten in four games, and the offense was atrocious in five. And Berto’s back on the DL for something new.

If I had to pick a moment, it would be Maldonado’s pair of homers on Saturday, hinting that maybe he isn’t the waste of time I consider him to be. He was already a waste of at-bats last season, and so far he’s much worse this time around.

Dusty Kulp was released on Saturday. For his Coons career he was 11-7 with a 3.83 ERA, but I don’t think I ever stopped bitching about him for 2 1/2 years.

The Raccoons could use a shortstop, because Steve Nickas is a treat only for hardcore fans, and even then one that has to be washed down with booze. But Berto will be back at the end of the month, and where to stash an extra shortstop then? And how to get an extra starter on the roster eight days from now?? And how do we get the ****ing offense to be less ****ing lethargic??

Do you know any answers? – (shakes Honeypaws) – Apparently not.

Fun Fact: Morgan Kuhlmann (.330, 14 HR, 49 RBI) leads the Federal League in OBP, slugging, isolated power, and a bunch more stuff.

He was with the Indians early in his career, and he was fairly *okay*, but nothing prepared the baseball world for his sudden breakout last year, when he hit .250 with 27 homers and an .861 OPS. This year? His OPS is merely 1.106 at this point.

Not bad for a #35 pick that was waived and claimed, then traded for Jong-hoo Cho. The Cyclones probably would like to reverse that move. The Raccoons had three picks ahead of #35 in the 2031 draft. Well, we did select Manny Fernandez at #5, which is probably a fair pick. After that it was Jonathan Dykstra, a crummy Miners SP by now after being traded for Kurt Wall, and corner guy Will Luna was up briefly last season, hit .182, and is so far doing nothing of value in St. Pete, two days from turning 25.

[Questdog]

Originally Posted by LOPOLOYASI

. Once that happens, there will be a handful of images missing in the thread. Wherever they may be. If you run into that wherever you are currently reading, post or PM - I have ALL pictures still on hard drive and can reupload them.

Once what happens???