Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Short of facing John Halama two days in a row, the best we can do to live up to that old saying is get shut down by his 26 year old, slightly harder-throwing right-handed teammate, Clint Nageotte. And sure enough, give him your tired, your weak, your downtrodden, your Pale Hose, and watch a guy who entered the season with exactly one career victory spin a near-complete game shutout for his seventh W of 2007. In recording 26 outs, the Brooklyn (Ohio) native faced just a handful over the minimum, handing out three free passes and allowing but one runner past first base. That'll happen when Yorvit Torrealba strokes more hits (3) than the other 8 guys in the lineup (2).

I suppose it didn't much matter, what with Jorge DePaula on the mound. He gave one of his better efforts of the year, allowing 3 runs, 2 earned in 5 innings, throwing (wait for it) 102 pitches. That should give you a good indication that "Schizo Jorge" has been more down than up this season, and that's why he'll be the odd man out when Ryan Franklin comes off the DL again in a few days, even ahead of middling rookie southpaw Fabio Castro.

But something about the hopelessness of it all is getting to me, and it about bubbled over after this recent loss. I look at the major league club, and right fielder Magglio Ordonez is hitting .240 against right-handed pitching and giving us the same production that rookie Brian Anderson is, all in all -- for only $9 MILLION clams more. We've got retreads and journeymen and castoffs starting at almost every position, with the only hope resting on a pitching staff full of injury risks and guys with less control than a backseat driver in a NASCAR race and...blecccch. Down in the minors, we've got nuttin', really. A top-notch pitching prospect a year removed from the first round who's already in AAA...and getting hit hard. An outfielder taken #8 overall two years ago who's scuffling in AA at the age of 25.

Even the guys drafted less than a week ago have clouds hanging over them. #6 pick Billy Rogers has walked four times in his first twelve plate appearances...and made 7 outs. Second rounder Danny Pastor, a southpaw swingman, logged a win in his first professional appearance and then recorded a two-out save in his second -- only to get crushed in his third, surrendering a couple of runs without getting an out. What are we doing here?

Then something wholly unremarkable happens. Ace Mark Buehrle takes the ball for our final match with Seattle -- and gives up a first inning run, spurred on by a leadoff single off Ichiro!'s bat, a steal of second and then a whole bunch of walks. The train's rolling downhill, the conductor's taking a nap and there's a bend in the tracks coming up, right?

Nah. Brian Anderson walks to start off the bottom of the second. Two batters later, center fielder Raul Gonzalez singles over second, and Yorvit Torrealba thumps a line drive into center to tie the game. A failed squeeze bunt ends our run scoring there, but Buehrle pitches in and out of trouble in the third and then the fourth, and we pick it back up in the bottom half of that inning. Again it's started by a Brian Anderson walk, and just as in the second, "The Element" that really keys it on is a one-out Raul Gonzalez bingo, this time a booming double into the right field corner. Catcher Yorvit! brings home the go-ahead run with a fly ball out to left-center...

And there it is, that's the game. "The Buehrle One" isn't perfect the rest of the way, but he allows nary a hit after the sixth, escaping a big jam in that inning by inducing Ichiro! to harmlessly bounce out to second with two outs, stranding two men in scoring position. At that point, it's not even much of a threat anyway, because the score's 6-1 in our favor after a four-run fifth inning that chased the opposing starter out of the game for good.

That starter is ace Tomo Ohka, 16-6 with a 2.54 ERA in his first year in Seattle last season, and 4-1 entering this game. But after a flurry of walks and hits, he's gone after just four & two-thirds innings and at the end of the day, on the hook for his second loss thanks to some little old team from Chicago.

Funny how it works. Just one game, just one win. But it's the kind of game we would have lost last year, the kind of game that would push us into a seven-game spiral. Instead, we're back at .500, still hanging in the thick of the division race...and maybe, just maybe, there's hope for this ragtag lot after all.

Cleveland's waiting for us, looking up at us in the standings. The defending World Champs actually lost 10 of the 19 games they played against us last season. One game ago, I would've said, "That don't matter one bit, we're falling apart here, top to bottom." One win later, I'm actually feeling...confident?

Don't start thinking crazy stuff, though, this is still the Pale Hose, after all.

[zukes]

The Hose will win the series against Cleveland next, that is my prediction on a sunny Friday afternoon, with beer waiting to be drank.

Oh and grilled cheese with ketchup rules!!! I thought that was how everybody ate them. They are also good dipped in Mayo, but then you can feel your arteries hardening.

Keep the spirits up, Craig. I see big things happening this year, you may even need to make a deadline move to improve your chances!!!

[DAL 9000]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

hey, thanks for all the replies, peeps! they're the only way to tell that i'm not in a bubble anymore.

though i have got to tell y'all, grilled cheese dipped in ketchup replies can go in the toilet from now on (that is disgusting, you must not have any tastebuds DAL)

You actually tried it?! Hahahahahahahaha!

Don't take that the wrong way, Craig. I'm laughing with you, not at... actually, no, I take that back. I'm laughing at you.

EDIT: Wait, either zukes is in on the joke /or/ he's just furnished disturbing proof that if Person A-- say, David-- mentions the most vile and disgusting way to eat a grilled cheese sammich he can think of, then person B-- say, zukes-- has not only /eaten/ it that way, but /liked/ it. Yikes.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

You actually tried it?! Hahahahahahahaha!

Don't take that the wrong way, Craig. I'm laughing with you, not at... actually, no, I take that back. I'm laughing at you.

EDIT: Wait, either zukes is in on the joke /or/ he's just furnished disturbing proof that if Person A-- say, David-- mentions the most vile and disgusting way to eat a grilled cheese sammich he can think of, then person B-- say, zukes-- has not only /eaten/ it that way, but /liked/ it. Yikes.

heathen!

yeah, there was some cheese in the refrigerator and some bread lying around, i had the munchies and didn't feel like turkey. so i thought, "well, my friends on the OOTP forums say this is a fine treat, and ketchup is the frank catalanotto of condiments, so why not?"

grrrrrrr! so much for following everyone else off the cliff.

but it was still better than new jersey's pride & joy (no, not the turnpike), this slop. my sister, who lives in california at the moment, misses the foodstuff known as taylor ham (or pork roll) dearly. i think my life would be better off without it entirely, but hell, i'm sure the southern u.s. said that about the north once upon a time. and imagine where the gulf coast would be had that gone down.

so maybe pork roll -- and by extension, grilled cheese w/ ketchup -- will save my life one day, too.

[cknox0723]

It's a Wednesday in the game, but it may as well be a lonely Friday night, 'cause that's how we're left feeling after this one. A matchup of Esteban Loaiza and Cleveland's southpaw ace Clifford Bartosh would have only been described as ugly based on last year's stats (8-16, 5.32 ERA for Esteban; 20 wins and a mark just over two runs per nine frames for "Big Red Clifford"), but this year they're much more even, in that Esteban doesn't suck quite as much. And what is, all in all, a pretty good pitching matchup turns out to be exactly that.

Problem is, we're on the short end once someone finally gets on the board. Joe Crede (remember him?) leads off the fifth by blasting a fat slider into the cheap seats in left putting the first tally of the game on the board in Cleveland's column. Center fielder Corey Patterson goes yard two batters later to make it 2-0, Bad Guys. That's all the give Esteban's got, but we never muster anything against Bartosh, who about drives this puppy all the way home. After twenty-six outs, three hits, and a lone walk are on the board for our side, Bartosh gets a pat on the butt (not that there's anything wrong with that) and a jump start on a hot shower, and Raffy Betancourt comes out of the 'pen to tackle Eric Munson pinch-hitting, our last hope. His first pitch flies past Victor Martinez back to the screen, but the next pitch is so straight and true, it's as if that first inappropriate offering never happened. Munson doesn't swing at that second pitch and first strike, presumably because he didn't expect Betancourt to hit the strike zone after such a poor first pitch. He should have. Quickly forced into a two-strike hole simply by the intertwining laws of physics and probability, "The Munson Burner" is forced to swing at something much less than a hitter's pitch, a 2-2 slider on the outside half. He's not aiming to put that sort of pitch in play, just keep the A.B. alive, but the sphere caroms off his hunk of wood and flies harmlessly in the air out to center field, where Corey Patterson bags it like the speediest of cashiers (ha! oxymoron alert!) with a gallon of milk. Back to the home clubhouse we trudge, still waiting for that hit and that rally that just never came. See, now there's the problem with waiting for late comebacks.

[DAL 9000]

Do we need to start calling hospitals to see if they have any patients by Craig's name, at all?

[Astros33Resurrected]

no pale hose make astros33 sad

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

Do we need to start calling hospitals to see if they have any patients by Craig's name, at all?

You very nearly may have had to. Burned my hands yesterday when I decided to, uh, play with corrosive materials. Take it from me, kids, acids are not a toy!!!

OK, OK, that story's not entirely true. I am not sitting here in bandages or anything. But I did lose a little skin off the hands and, besides, it makes for a good story. Certainly better than just saying that I have been busy or whatever, which would not be untrue.

Updating this thread is second on the to-do list this morning, so if there's nothing in here by 12 EST, call County General, OK?

[zukes]

12:32 EST send out an APB

[Astros33Resurrected]

come on craig, i wanted to read some pale hose before my last class.

[cknox0723]

que pasa, amigos?

[cknox0723]

Thurs. 6/8: @ CLE

Want to know why Mr. spuds loves Yorvit Torrealba so much? His first A.B. in this one, Yorvit lines a ball into center field for a one out hit, eventually coming around to score on a Magglio Ordonez single up the middle. The next half-inning, Yorvit! cuts down Angel Berroa trying to swipe second, a bit of a baserunner manslaughter that leaves Mark Bellhorn and the Tribe with nothing to show from a first and third, one out threat.

Yorvit! comes through again just a half-inning later, coming to the plate with a pair of men on and bringing one of 'em home with another base hit to center field. Two innings later, he plates Raul Gonzalez again with his third hit, again a stinger out into center field.

It makes you wonder what the hell I was thinking starting Miguel Olivo in this one. Miggy went oh-for-three against southpaw Cliff Lee, and so despite Yorvit's Herculean efforts from innings 8 through 12, we come up short. It ain't 'cause of the lack of production from our first catcher; no, blame the bullpen, which blew another nice start from Jon Garland, and maybe give some credit to Cleveland moundsman Lee, who fanned ten and allowed just three hits and two runs in seven-plus.

But blame me more than anyone, not just for not starting Yorvit!, but for getting ejected arguing a double play in the tenth, because that leads to faulty bullpen management, and rookie Fabio Castro and a tired Aki Otsuka ain't the guys you want out there in a neck-and-neck game. Sure enough, they give up a few too many runs in extra time, and we fall 6-5 in 12 innings.

Fri 6/9: @ CLE

With Ryan Franklin coming off the disabled list to make his first start in three weeks, the cards are probably stacked against our club stopping a skid where we've lost four out of five. Maybe moreso since left-hander C.C. Sabathia and his 2.20 ERA are on the bump for the other side.

This one just goes to show that thinking like that is too simplistic. Franklin rolls through the first two innings and by the time he has his inevitable fits and starts and control problems, we're already up 2-0 on a Magglio Ordonez quadrangle. Jody "Odysseus" Gerut flies out to leave the bags full in the bottom of the third, saving us from certain doom. Frank Thomas doubles home the unnaturally suave Raul Gonzalez with two out in the top of the sixth to kick our lead up to three-nil, especially helpful since Cleveland plates a couple in the next half-frame against the slightly rusty Franklin. But Mike Gallo keeps the lead in our pocket by coming on to retire the opposing moundsman Sabathia, and we bust the game wide open in the seventh when the portly left-hander inexplicably loses his control. Armando Benitez comes out of the 'pen with two out and two men on, but he serves up a hearty meatball to Brian Anderson, who clobbers the ball and any chance at a sweep far, far out of Cleveland. We leave Ohio with an 8-2 victory and head back home for three with the Halos.

Sat 6/10: OFF DAY

In one of those hyper-organized moods, we take an early flight back to the Second City, grab a Fresca and chill. Well, the ballclub does; I spend the day at the Cell, enjoying the pithiness of a management-organized contest. "Throw Oranges at Jorge DePaula's Bare Ass!" said the advertisements. Sadly, only Fred Talbot shows up.

Sun 6/11: vs. ANA

A Mark Buehrle-John Lackey duel is everything the small-ball aesthete could have hoped, with across-the-board zeroes through 8 sullied only by a Yorvit Torrealba run-scoring single in the fourth and a solo tater off the bat of Jack Cust to lead off the top of the seventh. Aside: Christ, is Yorvit allergic to outs or something? But I make the heinous decision to pull Buehrle after eight innings and 108 pitches, and Aki Otsuka lays a terrible egg in the ninth. Sadly, it's not of the ganderic (?) persuasion. He puts a couple men on and gets chased when third sacker Justin Leone thumps a double to left, and Mike Gallo only makes a bigger mess, allowing journeyman 26 year old Dallas McPherson to stroke a two-out single to center and give his club a 4-1 advantage. Brian Schneider, who donned the official All-Star tools of ignorance last year, continues a frustrating season of regression by flying out to end the frame, but the damage is irrevocably done.

And is it ever. Singles by rookie outfielder Clint King and Yorvit "Hives" Torrealba give me the faintest of hope in the bottom of the ninth, particularly when an error by center fielder Tike Redman on the latter hit puts both men in scoring position with no one out. But Enrique Wilson and Ramon Vazquez both ground to second, plating the runs one by one but also eating away our two most precious commodities at this point in time. An Adam Kennedy line drive single into right-center chases Proven Closer (TM) Percival and sets up a battle of JCP & L and GE, Frankie Rodriguez and Maggs Ordonez, power and power.

Of course Ordonez eliminates all suspense by bouncing the first pitch right over to first base. Darin Erstad, the most grating of folks, ain't there to gobble it up; General Jack Cust is -- but Erstad, the Rally Monkey in human form, may as well be flipping me the bird as I simmer over a 4-3 loss.

Mon 6/12: vs. ANA

After surrendering two runs in six innings in his first start in a month or so, southpaw Glendon Rusch's ERA is a symmetrical 6.66. That's as good an explanation for our 3-2 win in this one as anything else. Esteban "The Art of Suck" Loaiza is the hero after tossing seven innings of two-run ball and stroking a two-run second inning double to boot, but it's rookie Clint King who tallies one in the 'GWRBI' column. He brings home Frank "Tabby" Catalanotto with a two-out single to left after the latter stepped out of the dugout, into the box, and cracked a ground rule double into the right field seats. Mike Gallo's the winner for the second time this season, and Aki Otsuka records an out and, with it, his second save.

Tues 6/13: vs. ANA

The highest of many highs in this 2007 comes in the bottom of the fourth inning of this ballgame. Trailing 1-0 after Jack Cust greeted Jon Garland and the fourth inning with a long ball, Magglio Ordonez starts the inning off with a simple single to left off of southpaw Jarrod Washburn. The next two batters, Russ Branyan and Brian Anderson, both walk, and left fielder Clint King follows with a bloop over short. Ordonez scores easily to tie the game, Branyan runs through a stop sign at third -- but Reggie Willits' throw home is late, and we have a two-run edge and men at 2nd and 3rd with no one out.

Nice position to be in, sure, but the bottom of the order's coming in. I didn't expect much from 87 year old Frank Thomas, rotting woodsman Enrique Wilson, or the pitcher Garland.

Certainly not this.

"Two balls, one strike to Thomas. Second and third, no one out here in the 4th, two-one Chicago. Washburn from the stretch. Schneider setting up towards the inside half. The pitch to the Big Hurt -- fastball, swung on and elevated, deep left field! Down the line, Anderson giving chase, at the track, at the wall, is it fair?"

Yes. Yes, it is. Thomas has struggled to crack even the Mendoza line in this, his swan song, but have his few hits ever been timely. His 513th career home run put this one out of reach and brought us back to .500 in one fell swoop, and...what else is there to say? One of those nifty little baseball moments.

Wed 6/14: vs. OAK

Oakland is coming to town, and since this is a club that we swept out of California in a four-game set in May, I feel like a kid at Christmas. Never mind the fact that went from May 18th to June 2nd (15 games) without winning a single game. That is, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, just gravy.

But Santa Claus is dead, Ryan Franklin is but a mere punching bag, and Joe Blanton's gone from the valley to the mountaintop. A year after going 4-18 with a 7.76 ERA (no, really), he's tossed six strong innings against a fearsome team from Chicago (ferocious!) in a gruesome 7-2 loss. (Pitiful!)

Attitude, though. Attitude. A year like that, I would have gone Larry Bowa-apesh*t after such a thrashing. This time around, I'm content at the solid work of hangers-on Rick Ankiel (4 IP, 1 R) and Fabio Castro (2 scoreless frames) in mop-up duty.

Thurs 6/15: vs. OAK

The banananananana is most certainly dancing. Fifth starter Mike Nannini had been lost in the shuffle after three half-decent starts since being acquired from Montreal back in mid-May, but his first outing in 11 days is brilliant beyond his wildest dreams. Despite falling behind nearly every hitter, Nannini is a cool customer, getting some help from Maggs Ordonez in right field to prevent a first-inning fiasco and just rolling on from there. It's 4-0 Good Guys in the sixth when Nannini's spot comes up in the order, and I tell the 27 year old to hit the showers -- but not before a bunch of hooligans in black & white shirts stand up and cheer a lot, as if that will somehow make the guy's day. Aside: I'm sure it would have; I'm not that heartless. Eric Munson takes a ride on the home run train in the seventh, blasting his ninth jack of the year off Chad Durbin, and even this crew can't blow a 6-0 lead in two innings. Not against last-place Oakland, at least.

Fri 6/16: vs. OAK

(555) 555-5555

I wonder why it's fives that are used in fake telephone numbers.

Maybe Brian Anderson is, too.

Chicago (A)	AB	R	H	RBI
SS/3B Vazquez	5	1	2	0
2B Kennedy	4	0	1	1
RF Ordonez	5	1	0	1
3B Munson	4	3	2	0
 P Otsuka	0	0	0	0
CF Anderson	5	2	5	3
LF King		5	0	1	0
1B Catalanotto	3	1	1	1
C Torrealba	5	0	3	2
P Buehrle	3	0	1	1
 SS J. Wilson	1	1	1	0
TOTALS		40	9	17	9

Yeah, I know it was most of the offense that was in sync here, and not just Anderson, but five hits in five A.B.'s is more than just pretty good. Aside: But who wouldn't be in sync against Brett Tomko???

And with Mark Buehrle on the mound, you know nine runs is good to go. 11 K's and just short of 11K worth of pitches from The Buehrle One in seven, and we've got ourselves a nice 9-2 victory to take two out of three.

And here we are:

Minnesota.........35-32 (.522), -- GB
Chicago (A).......34-33 (.507), 1 GB
Cleveland.........34-33 (.507), 1 GB
Kansas City.......34-33 (.507), 1 GB
Detroit...........33-33 (.500), 1.5 GB

Sure, we could be in last tomorrow, but do you know when we recorded our thiry-fourth win last season? It was against Oakland, coincidence of all coincidences, and Mark Buehrle was the victor...

...on July 14, 2006. The day after the All-Star break.

So, anyway, how was your week?

[DAL 9000]

Eric Munson "takes a ride on the home run train?"

You will never have a job as a SportsCenter anchor, Craig. And that's a good thing for both you and everyone.

("Excuse me, aren't I /included/ in the set of 'everyone?'" "Be silent, tiny Pale Hose freak." "... yessir.")

[The Funk]

Personally I remain remarkably blasé about the whole affair.

[cknox0723]

a belated happy Thanksgiving to all. how sad it is to see this thread on page two.

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

Eric Munson "takes a ride on the home run train?"

You will never have a job as a SportsCenter anchor, Craig. And that's a good thing for both you and everyone.

hey, at least I didn't go with my original idea, which was to string together random Spanish words into some unsightly phrase. Si, yo soy muerto pelota el bano muy caliente tortilla!

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

("Excuse me, aren't I /included/ in the set of 'everyone?'" "Be silent, tiny Pale Hose freak." "... yessir.")

my mercy, what a pleasure it would be to be a professor, grading one of your papers, considering how easily your intellect and wit shines through on an internet baseball text sim forum. but maybe that's partially the cause of it, too. nothing makes for a good joke like a bunch of binary bits strung together to form a non-existent Julio Lugo.

speaking of, the question should not have been, "Craig, what the eff does 'takes a ride on the home run train' even mean?" but rather, "Craig, who the fook is SS J. Wilson? Enrique, 'The Relief Ace', I know and love, but who's that guy J. Wilson?"

And the answer is Jack Wilson, the erstwhile Pirate. Avast ye, mateys. Atlanta told him to walk the plank when I offered them outfielder chin-feng chen, and it's a rare swap of spare parts that could really help out two clubs unexpectedly at the top of the standings. An injury to #6 hitter JD Drew (now, there's a surprise. NOT!) and poor planning at the beginning of the season dulled the Arrowheads' outfield depth significantly, to the point that minor league veteran Steve Smitherman, the ugliest man alive, would have been in a significant role until about the All-Star Break. Well, him or 24 year old Matt Esquivel, a decent enough prospect with a pretty swing who has precisely 0 at-bats above double-A.

So chen is now Chen, and he'll get some service time and some A.B.'s against southpaws, and Wilson will do the same, no longer blocked by Raffy Furcal. Now, they probably won't be good at-bats, considering his career line of .240/.280/.320, but no matter. He's got a good track record against southpaws, making him the perfect platoon partner for Ramon Vazquez, or in other words everything Aneudi Cuevas never was. Speaking of him, he's back in Tampa's minor league system, having been made completely irrelevant by Wilson's arrival.

i will also add here, simply because i can, that beating Anaheim in that last series was quite nice after losing 6 of 9 to them last year. we did win our final 2006 pregunta against them, taking 2 out of 3 at home, but lost the third game of that set by the embarassing score of 15 to 5. less than a year later, they're the ones under .500, having seen their pitching staff disintegrate before their eyes. the defection of Kelvim Escobar to the Empire hurt the staff, since he is an effective moundsman when healthy, but that was not the case in sunny Cali last year. the greater problem has been southpaw Jarrod Washburn slipping badly from an 18-win season (he's currently 5-8 with an ERA of 5.34 and a run average of nearly 6.00 per 9 frames) and a nasty injury to 28 year old righty Ben Howard which has led to ace John Lackey being surrounded by an assortment of inexperienced youngsters. 37 year old closer Troy Percival showing his age (4.78 ERA) hasn't helped, either. You'd think the assortment of power arms filling out the bullpen, of course led by "K-Rod", would pick up the slack, but it hasn't been so. The club's third in the league in run scoring, retained much more of their pitching staff than rival Seattle, and yet they're once again looking up at them in the standings. Oh well. **** 'em.

anyhow, the Pale Hose have something to be thankful for -- a 4-game set in sunny Tampa. OK, it's a dome, but I'm feeling the Jersey freeze right now. These ain't your big brother's Evil Fishies, though -- at 29-37 despite a woeful offense, our opponents are showing some of the same HEARRRRRT that led the Pale Hose all the way to 69 wins last year. And who the hell are we?

The Pale Hose, that's who.

PS - Good bump, el hombre del Funk! Hopefully it will be less than four days before your next one.

[ifspuds]

Just wanted to add a belated YORVIT! and a Happy Thanksgiving to the Pale Hose and their chronicler.

[The Funk]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

PS - Good bump, el hombre del Funk! Hopefully it will be less than four days before your next one.

You saved yourself a real tongue-lashing for ignoring me then. Good save. And that ugliest man in the world thing is a bit harsh. If he happens to read this thread that's not gonna make him feel particularly good about himself. After-all, more professional ballplayers than you might think frequent these boards, believe me, I know whereof I speak! (I don't really).

GO HOSE!

[DAL 9000]

Ahem.

A haiku.

The turtle creeps up
To her eggs, claws rasping on
The sand. POST MORE, CRAIG.

[cknox0723]

hey, big ups to all of you gentlemen for all the nice replies, even if one of you could be tony suck, for all I know. So don't be offended when I say that 'Suck' is an even worse surname for a Chicago native than, um, Ruffcorn. Or DePaula.

Anyway, on the list of "Ways to start a trip to Tampa", watching Ramon Vazquez wallop skinny righty Josh Towers' fat first pitch ranks right up there with a Shiatsu massage or continental breakfast with oatmeal, and when the ball flies over the right part of some fence they set up in the outfield, I think that moves it ahead of the massage. Not the oatmeal, though. I do love me a hot bowl of oatmeal.

But would it dampen your enthusiasm, your excitement, if I told you that Towers allows just one more hit? Would that be like pissing in your oatmeal, assuming that you do in fact love the mealy goodness? I mean, only one more hit...that means a whole lot of bagels, since a control artist like Towers ain't going to give us a bunch of runs through walks. Insert inappropriate joke about bagels here. And one run sure won't be enough for Esteban Loaiza, "The Art of Suck", now will it?

Well, no, not unless it's that game in mid-April where Caligula or whoever ran the Empire. But forget that, ignore all this babble that I'm spewing on you, and realize that Josh Towers allowed us just two hits because his outing lasted but a single frame, thanks to a cranky right shoulder that can't get any sleep due to the wailing sirens and drunken undergraduates (TM ifspuds 6/10/2005). You'd think "cranky right shoulder" is actually a euphemism for Mount Piniella's unhappiness with a messy first inning that included a couple more baserunners (though no more runs) after the Vazquez tater, but Towers ends up on the 15-day DL after the ballgame, so I guess his injury was not quite a Tower of Babble. Unlike these last two paragraphs.

Regardless of my tendency to go off on random tangents and unhealthy fixation on breakfast besides (though it is the most important meal of the day!)...see, there's another of those tangents...it's nigh impossible to win a game when you need the 'pen to pitch eight of the nine frames, unless you've got Ernie Shore, which the Crab Cakes don't. That failing, they'll need Esteban to channel his inner suck...but not today, not against the anemic Tampa offense. After a perfect bottom of the first, Esteban avoids a sticky second inning situation by keeping the syrup off his damned pancakes...sorry, couldn't help myself, I am most definitely anti-tree sap laced with sugar. In any case, center fielder Jason Pridie's pretty swing adds up to an easy out in the seventh hole, and catcher Mike Barrett is in Tampa at this point in time for a good reason. Both make easy outs, squandering two perfectly good baserunners that starving children in Somalia could have eaten!!! Clean your plates, kids, lest you end up like Mike Barrett!

Leading off the next half-frame, Magglio "Buddha" Ordonez blasts a titanic shot to left field off of some poor piece of burnt toast named Jason Ryan, a long ball that ends up in some distant universe, and a two-run cushion is about all Esteban could ever need against an offense that'll get themselves out half the time. The dishwasher of baseball, that's the Devil Ray offense for ya. Their half of the scoreboard ends up completely unblemished from the unsightly stain of runs (imagine, the horror!)...until the eighth inning, when onetime Tiger Deivi Cruz pops off a pinch-hit four-bagger to lead off the inning. How exactly that may have happened, I have no idea, but by then the score was 4-0 and the only cares in my world were whether Esteban would go the distance and figuring our just what was in my oatmeal this morning. If for some reason you may care about the answers to those long-pondered queries, PJ Bevis brought his cheddar to the ninth inning spread to earn an America's Choice brand save. As for my oatmeal...chocolate chips, fo' real.

That ain't good for the old estomaco, let me tell you.



CHW 4 TB 1

WP: E. Loaiza (6-4) - 8 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 2 BB, 5 K, 104 pitches
LP: J. Towers (3-5)

Poached Egg Award Goes To... Jorge DePaula, who is down in triple-A. Hey, if you had a 7.XX ERA, I'd want to poach you and serve you on toast, too.

Pythags: With this win, we flew past the 290 radar for our season total in runs scored, all the way up to 293, while our runs allowed number ticked up to just 291. And for the first time since the Pale Hose became yet another OOTP6 dynasty, we have scored more runs than our opponents on the season. That old Greek guy would have estimated our record to be 58-104 based on our runs scored and allowed last season. We ain't going to exceed that mark by 11 games again, but at the rate we're going, we don't need to.

[Jestor]

Goooo Pale Hose!

My eyes are burnt from playing Quidditch World Cup, but I just kicked France's ass with Team USA 1430-30 and it could have been even worse, but I was getting bored with spanking some French booty, so I said **** it and didn't do the Special Team Move that would have had me over 1500 points by the time the Snitch chase kicked in.

[MrJones]

Awesome stuff cknox!

[cknox0723]

hey, thanks to the resident lolita fan and I guess the resident counting crows fan for the replies! sorry for the brevity, but in a bit of rush today. so with only a few minutes' adieu for some last-minute editing, here we go...

[cknox0723]

Roughly a year ago, on July 1, 2006, Jon Garland was toting a 2-7 record through his first dozen-plus starts of the season, having struck out 60 batters in 98 frames -- and walked the same number, predictably pushing his ERA up over five. Considering that "Jon Moo" had a 4-15 record the season before, it wouldn't have been a stretch to think that the next number in his sequence of won-lost records was going to be 3.98...in the Atlantic League.

Wind the crank forward to today. Garland's a completely different pitcher, having cut the walk rate while sharpening his breaking ball enough so that he's just not quite so damned hittable. But his opponent in this one, Aaron Harang, looks like vintage Garland, if for some reason you ever wanted to see that. A 1-6 record has been carved out largely because Harang has lost the command of his sinker, and with it, his K/BB has shrunk to a tasty 40/44.

Tasty for opposing batters, at least. And this game is no different. I could get into specific detail, but suffice it to say that we score a couple of runs in the first on a Brian Anderson double to left, with all runners getting on base with two outs. Garland has a few of his usual problems in the bottom half, battling the strike zone and his own fatalistic tendencies and giving a run back. But we move on to the second with the lead, a lead, some sort of lead still intact.

Weird inning. Both sides get a runner in scoring position with no out. Both times, the pitcher comes up and makes an out, and both times, the leadoff man makes the third out. No runs score. The only difference is that Jon Garland bounced out to third, while Harang whiffed, and Ramon Vazquez flew out to the warning track in center field, while Tim Salmon...whiffed.

When in doubt, take the guy with the K's, DIPS says, and likely that's as good a reason as any for what was to follow. Raul Gonzalez jacks a long ball out to Tallahassee (-Pain) with one out in the fourth, but outfielder Juan Encarnacion matches that solo shot with one of his own in the bottom of the fifth, a moonshot to right-center. 3-2. Close game, yes?

Nah, don't be silly. The Rays can't hit and can't pitch and don't have the HEARRRRRT to make up for it. In the top of the sixth, we mount another furious two-out charge, with rookie Clint King coming off the bench to bat in Garland's slot and deliver the big blow, a sharp two-run single to right field. A small lead becomes a comfortable one, and thanks to Otsuka, Calero, and Gallo, the three-headed bullpen monster, it's never anything but.



CHW 5 TB 2

WP: J. Garland (7-5) - 5 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 BB, 4 K
LP: A. Harang (1-7) - 5.2 IP, 8 H, 5 R, 3 BB, 2 K
S: M. Gallo (1/2) - I do not remember how many saves Gallo has, but **** 'im, this one shouldn't count anyway

Improbable Starters: Charlie Zink started the year in Florida's minor league system. Still trapped in double-A at the age of 27, the knuckleballer could scarcely hope to be even the future Jared Fernandez. Then he won four of his first six starts at AA, got the call-up...and did it again. With the fishy implosion of now former Sergio Mitre (more on that at some point), Zink got the call to the bigs on June 9th and proceeded to watch the floater dance like never before. Four innings in, he was still no-hitting Saint Loo, and after six, he had a hot shower and a 6-1-0-0-0-2 line for the scrapbook. The 'pen held it, and Charlie Zink had made one hell of a debut.

After a couple successful years in the high minors, Gabe Ribas was definitely ready for a big league role this season, but what that role would be was rather undefined. But the Crew up in Milwaukee found out while down in Florida that Ribas had a decent sinking fastball and a big, sweeping slider that's more like a deuce and...nothing else. So off to the 'pen he went, along with erstwhile starters Wade Miller and Doug Davis, who have scarcely had even 10% of the success of their real-life counterparts in this world.

Ribas, this short, skinny righty, displayed excellent command over his first 20 games and 35 innings, walking just four, and after mediocre 27 year old righty Andy Good was dispatched to a desperate Philadelphia ballclub on the fifteenth of June (more on that one later, too)...

The stage was set. Somehow, these two most unlikely starters ended up opposing one another on this day. Their performance was less than stellar, as neither made it into the fifth inning. Zink took the loss while Todd Van Poppel and his delicious 8.40 ERA picked up the win with 2.2 innings of half-decent relief in lieu of the mostly ineffective Gabe Ribas.

However, this story doesn't have to have a happy ending and, hell, it probably won't - these two are not future superstars. But there are certainly less interesting tales of 27 year olds out there, yes?

[The Funk]

What? You're still winning?!!!?!?!?!?!Ausrufezeichen

Craig ------>

Also, when you gonna update The Hitchikers Guide to the Pale Hose? Here's a crazy idea, you stick your full active roster (and interesting minors) on it, with info where appropriate. If a guy gets traded, write that down but leave him on the list. Add new players to the end of the list so it's easy to see who came first. That way, all us Pale Hose fans will have a thorough reference list of the personel. It's quite a big job, but I think I can pressure you into doing it, plus it would be amazing.

I'd be happy to do some of the work, especially in the supervising and delegating fields.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by The Funk

It's quite a big job, but I think I can pressure you into doing it, plus it would be amazing.

I'd be happy to do some of the work, especially in the supervising and delegating fields.

yeah, an update to that is definitely forthcoming, but probably not until the All-Star break. because I am lazy (as lazy as a guy with a 700-post dynasty can be), but also because I get the feeling [SPOILER ALERT] that the face of the team may be changing very soon [/SPOILER]. but not before I poll all of you lot, at least, so I can get my arse completely reamed for destroying whatever future this franchise may have.

it will probably be in a new thread, though, likely titled "the restaurant at the end of the universe" or something similar. just an FYI!

here comes an update with many words, some strung together in sentences and others randomly inserted.

[cknox0723]

We head into the third game of a 4-gamer in Tampa having allowed more than four runs just twice in the last ten games, but our offense hasn't been on the same upswing. My lack of confidence is fully, sadly rewarded when consecutive singles to left by 2B Ramon Vazquez and Brian Anderson lead to absolutely zilch, mostly squelched by a comebacker off Magglio Ordonez's bat that Tampa moundsman Seth McClung handles deftly to start a 1-6-3 double play. To start the bottom half, Ryan Franklin gets a similar bouncer back to him off the bat of Rocco "The Woonsocket Rocket" Baldelli. But the opposition's second hitter, young outfielder Jason Pridie, hits a little Woonsocket chopper that bounces up over Franklin's head and seemingly into center field...but for Ramon Vazquez, starting at second base for the first time this year after 90+ starts there last year. "Pokey" makes a backhanded flash of the leather and rifles the sphere across his body over to first for a bang-bang out. No rest for the weary, but no rust for infielders on a little sabbatical at shortstop, huh?

Guess not, but Vazquez will get that rest, because apparently that up-the-middle play -- one he doesn't have to make at short -- tickled the rust in his back. Pale Hose nation, hold your breath, because out comes our offensive and defensive catalyst with an injury, all because I had some stupid idea to rest Adam Kennedy and stick newly-acquired Jack Wilson at short. And the manager's a f*cktard!

Apparently the rest of the team is holding its breath, too. Franklin gets out of the first with another ground ball, but doesn't have that chance in the second after an offensive 1-2-3 top half from our "offense." A leadoff walk to Mark Kotsay is followed by a bouncer to short off the bat of the opposition's best hitter, .300 hitting third sacker Andy Phillips, but the supposed defensive wizard Jack Wilson muffs that one. Another walk two batters later loads the bases with one out, but with anemic-hitting backstop Mike Barrett and the pitcher comin' up, you'd think we might get out of the inning. Franklin does retire Barrett, but it's on a medium-range fly ball to left, and Brian Anderson's peg home is just a bit outside. And high. And awful. It allows the other two runners to move up, but luckily the pitcher McClung bounces one to new second baseman Enrique Wilson and we're only down a run. Despite not allowing a hit, so there's no solace to be found in that deficit.

The third inning is boring, as the aesthetically challenged say. I prefer the term 'quaint', like a cottage up in Maine. (Or the fishing village Scarborough) "Buddha" Ordonez singles to left to start the fourth, and after Eric Munson whiffs some serious cheddar, Yorvit! hits a comebacker that the West Virginia native McClung can't handle. Nifty -- a base hit means a run. But Raul Gonzalez hits into a 3-6 force and Frank Thomas (where did I come up with this lineup?) flies out to shallow left-center.

With one out in the next half-frame, Andy Phillips rakes some of those pesky leaves on a blast to left, a rare four-bagger for the line drive hitter. Yorvit! eventually matches that blast with one of his own that just clears the wall in left, but it's the eighth inning by that point and I get the odd feeling that it's too little, too late. When Proven Closer (TM) Ray King comes out of the 'pen for the ninth, that feeling turns into a sickly sort of dread as Frank Thomas and One of the Infielding Wilsons (ewww!) and Olivo go down feebly against the hard-throwing southpaw. And in spite of last-place Tampa doing their best to run themselves out of a victory, getting thrown out four times on the basepaths in two of the middle innings, despite of a complete game four-hitter from Ryan Franklin, the whole pitching-and-defense thing just didn't work out against a guy named McClung who touches the upper nineties.

Obviously the is not dancing for our offense right now, but maybe it'll dance for fifth starter Michael Nannini in the final game of the set, especially since he's opposed by a 28 year old named Jeremy Guthrie who's making his first start of the season and just sixth career. And, trust me, those first six weren't much to write home about. But we can't manage to punch the ball out of the infield in the top of the first, with the only bright note being that Ramon Vazquez made the first of those outs, meaning that he put a little oil on the rust in his back and got the OK to keep playing.

Nannini fans "The Woonsocket Rocket" to start the home half and then retires left fielder Juan Encarnacion on a bouncer to short, but then the monsters crawl out from under the bed again as Mark Kotsay thumps a double to right and comes around to score two batters later on a single by light-hitting utility man Geoff Blum. He may be the worst choice for any team ever to start at first base, but what the hell, it's the Pale Hose, right? Somehow Deivi Cruz strikes out instead of hitting that knife-twisting three-run tater, but one run seems like fifty right now. I mean, with innings like this...

1B Frank Catalanotto:
Singles to short center field.

3B Eric Munson:
Strikes out swinging.

CF Brian Anderson:
Strikes out looking.

LF Clint King:
Strikes out looking.

...who the hell needs more than a one-run edge?

Nannini's troubles are nil in the bottom of the second, but you don't exactly need a dancing banananana to retire a sickly trio of journeyman John Hattig, Uribe-tastic backstop Barrett, and some pitcher.

Speaking of the pitcher Guthrie, Miguel Olivo greets his first offering in the third inning with a heave of lumber, and the ball flies over short for a leadoff base knock. Nannini executes a perfect sacrifice, something that Jon Garland can't seem to do. Up steps Ramon Vazquez, aching back and all.

"Guthrie rocks and fires a one-one fastball...hard shot near the second base bag, great stop by Baldiris, who scrambles up and pegs it to first -- not in time! Oh, Vazquez dove into the first base bag with reckless abandon and just beat the throw. Great hustle play on both ends, and now the Pale Hose have runners at the corners with one out."

That's why most everyone still loves Pete Rose, you know, the hustle. Vazquez's infield hit motivates our offense, if you believe in that sort of thing, as we wake out of our game (or week) long slumber with a roar. Adam Kennedy whacks a single over the head of first baseman Blum (ha!) to tie the game and keep us in the same situation, runners at the corners with one out. And then the journeyman Guthrie comes unglued a bit, first bouncing a pitch that scoots by Mike Barrett and allows "Pokey" to come home, and then losing "Buddha" to a walk. A double steal works perfectly, another run comes home when Frank Catalanotto literally swings a perfect bunt up the first base line and no one covers home, forcing backstop Barrett to take the out at first. An error by second baseman Baldiris gives us a fourth run, the snakebitten Rays make two baserunning blunders the next half-frame, and it's smooth sailing the rest of the way save for the second home run of the series for light-hitting shortstop Deivi Cruz. (WHAT THE HELL IS WITH DEIVI F***ING CRUZ GOING ALL ENRIQUE WILSON-VS.-PEDRO ON US??? )

But it's a solo shot, and Tampa starter Guthrie is chased by the next half-frame, the top of the fifth, when we add a fifth run onto the board. Unheralded foot soldiers Parker and Walker and Grabow do an admirable job to keep the game close through the middle and late innings, but ain't no glory in pitching behind, so it's Calero and Bevis and Gallo who get the glory in closing out a 5-3 ballgame.

I know it's just the lowly Devil Rays, but every 'W' we notch on our belt is another game that isn't a loss. And we're just the Pale Hose, after all. Three outta four ain't bad for anyone.

Back home for four with the Empire, and then three with Texas. Here comes a key stretch in determining just what the hell kind of bunch we've got here.

[ifspuds]

A couple friends and I used to call Deivi Cruz "The First Shortstop On The Moon". It's a long story, and not actually all that funny, but I bring it up just to say that maybe you should deviously send him into orbit lest he do more damage against you in the future.

[cknox0723]

On April thirteenth, we played the Yankees for the first time in this 2007 season, with 22 year old phenom and 2006 Rookie of the Year Tyler Clippard on the mound for a club that was 5-1 at the time and had won 109 games the year prior. The Pale Hose were 1-6, with the slightest of hope only because a deal for a man named Catalanotto had just been announced.

Originally Posted by Y0DA55

Nice Pickup! I thought you were in need of some sort of jump start. I think your battery has been dead this season and I hope that "Dressing" can be the salad tosser.

^^Pretty apt assessment of what I was thinking at the time. We got our jump start on April 13, not from "Dressing" (who didn't dress), but from Adam Kennedy, Magglio Ordonez, and Esteban Loaiza. Kennedy slammed a one-out double in the first inning and came home on the Magglio Ordonez single that followed, giving us a 1-0 lead that we never relinquished. We never relinquished it because Esteban was fooking brilliant, tossing a three-hit complete game shutout and not allowing a single runner past second base, but for good measure, Kennedy added three more doubles after his first inning two-bagger. One of those was followed up by an Ordonez moonshot, the club added a bunch of late tallies off a stink Bomber of a bullpen, and we had ourselves a sweet little 7-0 victory.

That was our only win in that three-game set, but it was the first hint that maybe 70 (70!) wins were within reach this year. When we next met up with the Empire, it was the very end of May, and we were just around .500 and just around the top (and bottom) of the AL Central. Of course Schizo Jorge got his ass handed to him in the first game. 12-2 losses. But then we won one (1111), a tight 2-1 extra-inning victory that you can check out right heah if you want to stroll down memory lane. Brings us to the rubber match, where we face the young right-hander Clippard for the second time. Co-inky-dentally enough, Esteban is our moundsman. Shortening a long story, he gets his face bashed in, Alex Rodriguez drives in seven runs, and the few runs we manage off "The Yankee Clippard" aren't near enough. Hindsight has me wondering whether the 12-7 loss wasn't just the response of the baseball gods for sitting Adam Kennedy when he hit four doubles the first time he faced that pitcher, but giving up that many runs, we could have had Shoeless Jack himself in the lineup and it probably wouldn't've mattered.

Anyway, bring yourself back to the here and now. We're playing the Yankees in the Second City for the first time this year, and wouldn't you know it, facing Clippard once again. "Gumby" Kennedy is in the lineup this time, but it's Mark Buehrle and not Loaiza on the mound. May not need seven runs then, not with our ace on the mound, right?

Well...we're on the short end of the score before we've even swung the bats against live pitching, because an innocent two-out single by Alex Rodriguez turns into a run when left fielder Randy Winn drives a double. A couple innings come, a couple innings go...and it's Winn on the spot again in the third, and again he brings "Slappy" home, this time with a one-bagger. The next frame, Buehrle strikes out the side (1B Giambi, C Lunsford, and the pitcher Clippard) after a leadoff single by Marcus Giles, but it don't mean no nothin'. "McDreamy" Jeter leads off the next frame with a single, moves into scoring position on an ironic sacrifice by the man called "Godzilla" in his native Japan, and then moves over to third on A-Rod's 4-3 groundout. Now, there's no way that Randy F. Winn will come through again, is there?

Crack. Outside fastball, Winn goes with it and the sphere finds no leather to fly into. He's just another outfielder against right-handed pitchers, perhaps notable only for his terrible throwing arm, but toss a southpaw out there and he's every legendary hitter wrapped into one. Maybe the chap's left-eye dominant.

We make it a game in the fifth, though, gamely touching up Clippard for some runs. Rookie outfielder Clint King starts the inning with a base knock and then Yorvit!, spudsy's boy, pounds a double. A couple batters later, Adam Kennedy (him again!) pounds a hit, and then Brian Anderson ropes a two-bagger to tie the game up.

Nice try, nice try, but Winn's three hits in those three RBI situations were a bad omen, and the bullpen just don't keep us in it. First it's my boy PJ Bevis throwing the ball everywhere but in the catcher's mitt in the seventh, and then it's "Wild Man" Ankiel tossing straight fastballs and getting clobbered in the ninth to put the game well out of reach. We faced Tyler Clippard in April and scored seven runs and we faced him in the beginning of June and scored seven runs. Third time sure wasn't a charm as June winds down. Seven runs? Hmmm, not so much. But it wouldn't've mattered anyway.

NYY 9 CHW 4

WP: T. Clippard (4-3) - Kid is 22 years and 4 months young and already had 15 career wins. Many, many more are comin'. **** the Empire.
LP: PJ Bevis (0-2)
S: D. Weathers (17)

[Jestor]

Maybe you should try trading for Clippard.

[The Funk]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

but also because I get the feeling [SPOILER ALERT] that the face of the team may be changing very soon [/SPOILER]

w00t. About bloody time!

Originally Posted by cknox0723

it will probably be in a new thread, though, likely titled "the restaurant at the end of the universe" or something similar. just an FYI!

Nice. How about: 'The Line-up from the Dregs of the Universe' or something like that?

When's there gonna be a Pale Hose website?

EDIT: And now I'm a major leaguer so my ideas must be taken seriously!

[cknox0723]

hey, some nice replies! and one extra because I missed it first time around.

Originally Posted by ifspuds

A couple friends and I used to call Deivi Cruz "The First Shortstop On The Moon". It's a long story, and not actually all that funny, but I bring it up just to say that maybe you should deiviously send him into orbit lest he do more damage against you in the future.

^fixed that for ya

I bet that the story behind that is funny, or at least worth telling, because that is an awesome nickname. So, get to it!!!

Originally Posted by Jestor

Maybe you should try trading for Clippard.

I know there is a smiley face, so maybe the post was not all that serious, but still feel like I have to respond with a resounding "Hell, no." In addition to the fact that we have nothing to give the Yanks for the 22 year old (+1 to OOTP's AI for that), what fun is it to trade for other teams' top prospects? It is not especially realistic (even taking into consideration, for example, the real-life moves this offseason by Florida) and particularly when you account for New York's position in the standings. Clippard can help them win, and at 22 years old no less, so why trade him?

Occasionally I have to remind myself that it is OK to give myself a little leeway, it is just a baseball text sim, but I don't see the point to winning at whatever costs the game allows me. I think the trades and signings I have made have been reasonable; when I don't feel the way, I try to compensate for it. (One example you will see in next year's thread is bumps in the salaries of the free agents we signed this year, Garland and Kennedy and whoever else. Not because of good or bad performance, but because I think it seems reasonable to do. Otherwise, we will eventually end up with millions of dollars and be able to easily acquire superstars, and where is the fun in that?)

However, your mileage may vary. And that's OK, too!

Originally Posted by The Funk

w00t. About bloody time!

if/when the moves I am contemplating actually take place, it will be a total mind****, for certain. I can promise you that neither Buehrle nor Ordonez will go, however, and the same goes for Esteban. It will be a sad day when he is pitching for another club, and that despite his atrocious season chronicled in the first thread.

Originally Posted by The Funk

Nice. How about: 'The Line-up from the Dregs of the Universe' or something like that?

point, Funk. I like that one quite a bit.

Originally Posted by The Funk

When's there gonna be a Pale Hose website?

As for this, I don't know. I am not very tech-savvy, and would be clueless in how to start a website. But I have considered releasing the files, so anyone could play with the Pale Hose file if they wanted.

However, I think both are probably goals for the (somewhat) distant future. I mean, hell, this dynasty has not even finished a second year yet.

It's amazing, you know, there have been dynasties that have simulated the entire length of Major League history (and beyond) in the length that it has taken the Pale Hose to play a half-dozen or dozen games. Three cheers for this forum.

Originally Posted by The Funk

EDIT: And now I'm a major leaguer so my ideas must be taken seriously!

I had half a mind when I saw just how many posts I was getting out of the Pale Hose, that when the post count hit 1999 I would either create a new name or just disappear for-evah. Then I scrapped it, because I realized that would be like not voting in McGriff to the Hall of Fame he didn't hit 500 home runs (only four hundred eighty-some), and plus no one would understand WTF I was talking about when I said "Hacktastic Julio!!!" after seeing Julio Lugo on TV. Of course no one understands WTF I am talking about when I say that, anyway.

Well, I was going to provide an update but I am all typed out. Plus it is not exactly an update I want to provide, so I'll wait a day or so and hope against hope that things changed.

[cknox0723]

So, it unfortunately appears that the Pale Hose are going to have to take a seat on the bench (next to the spirit of Juan Uribe) for a little while. I am fine, but the long and short of the matter is that I have no access to the Pale Hose for the time being, and a few obligations I need to take care of as well.

However, all is not bad out here in the badlands. It is a good time for a break, because the club has not yet faded from the division race and there's still about 90 games to actually look forward to. The thread is about to hit 10,000 views. And the dynasty countdowns are coming up (get your votes in!!!)...so there should be plenty of reading in the meantime, and likely better than this mess to boot.

I'll still be around, too, and even posting in here from time to time. Obviously I can't move forward with the season or even provide any stats, but there are some observations and crap that I might want to say occasionally, and so why the hell not, better than letting the thread sink to page eight.

And the Pale Hose will be back in all their full-fledged "hacktasticness", maybe later rather than sooner, but eventually. As Babe Ruth said in that ridiculous movie, "Heroes get remembered, kid, but Pale Hose never die. They just rot in the laundry hamper until they smell like ****. Follow your nose and you'll never go wrong."

[Jestor]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

And the Pale Hose will be back in all their full-fledged "hacktasticness", maybe later rather than sooner, but eventually. As Babe Ruth said in that ridiculous movie, "Heroes get remembered, kid, but Pale Hose never die. They just rot in the laundry hamper until they smell like ****. Follow your nose and you'll never go wrong."

Dude.

I'd *so* hit it with Wendy Pfeffercorn.

[ifspuds]

I'll miss the Pale Hose. Hope all goes well for you during their hiatus!

[CTSoxFan]

I to will miss the Pale Hose.

Check out my Pirates dynasty while this is away. *cheap plug*

[DAL 9000]

You and your "obligations," Craig. When will you learn to set priorities?

[zukes]

damit, I need a Pale Hose fix.

[Vris]

Good bump.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

Good bump.

Agreed.

Happy New Year's, all. One of my myriad resolutions is to get the Pale Hose back up and running, all the way into a third thread. It'll still be a few weeks (but hopefully no more) before I can update you kind folks on the plight or lack thereof of this fake ballclub, but I am looking forward to returning.

In the meantime, I hope to figure out whether or not this team is going to compete this year. I don't see much hope for the next few years, because even though prospects like SP C. Scarborough and middle infielder H. Made will be maturing, so, too, will our division rivals. And Cleveland, for example, has more up-and-coming outfielders (named Brimer, Sizemore, and if I recall, Michael Conroy) than we have legitimate prospects in our entire system. So I'm not too optimistic about 2008 in this universe, though of course much can change 'til then and even if we do suck, it apparently makes for good reading.

That information would tend to make you think that this is the year, especially since we are still in the race with the All-Star break approaching ever so slowly. But maybe we're already over our heads. It's made me consider silly, irrational things, like trading one of our two prospects for some major-league help, taking a shot at the division while completely destroying our future.

If you've got a few hours, go back and read the last few pages if you like, get a more precise sense of exactly where we are and think about what you'd do if this was your solo league. That's the beauty of this forum, isn't it? Lend me your suggestions, your criticisms, and when this whopper of a "dynasty" finally resumes, lend me your ears and maybe we'll get something worth reading. In the meantime, don't try the veal...it's just nasty how that thing ends up on your plate.

[orin2]

I demand some kind of action. Yes, this is my first post... so what? Here I just slogged -read: enjoyed laughing my butt off- through a year and a half of Pale Hose History (PHH) and now they are on hiatus? NO WAY.



How long until we see some movement?!