Yet Another OOTP6 Dynasty, Year 2: One Flew Over the Pale Hose

[cknox0723]

let's see if we can piece together a bunch of different quotes to create the greatest single quote ever!

Hey, who are you? Get out of this thread!

For crying out loud! If I wanted to hear about a pathetic bunch of appaulingly mismanaged losers getting their asses handed to them on a steel drum every day I'd just re-read the first thread. Win some bloody games! (This would have been funnier if you'd lost to the Yankees. ****ing Loaiza, you can always trust him to screw you over.)

Great win Craig! something about code orange on the national security alert...i don't know. That's the confidence booster this club needs!

(or, you need..rather)

Still, I suppose it wouldn't be the same +1 Hose we all love and ridicule if you actually suceeded.

p.s. Hi. (+1)

i think i did it.

[cknox0723]

p.s. hi. it's been a long week. i am looking forward to getting caught back up with the pale hose tonight. someday, i will write a reasonably interesting book about my last few days, and y'all will be the first to get a copy.

[Y0DA55]

Good to see that you haven't dropped off the face of the earth Craig. Looking forward to the next chapter of the Sox's journey. Whether it be walking over teams or, more likely, getting thrown in the wash, I wait for it with baited breath.

[Vris]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

p.s. hi. it's been a long week. i am looking forward to getting caught back up with the pale hose tonight. someday, i will write a reasonably interesting book about my last few days, and y'all will be the first to get a copy.

I want two copies!

[ifspuds]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

p.s. hi. it's been a long week. i am looking forward to getting caught back up with the pale hose tonight. someday, i will write a reasonably interesting book about my last few days, and y'all will be the first to get a copy.

Will it be autographed? I want to be able to tell my kids, "I knew him when..."!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by ifspuds

Will it be autographed? I want to be able to tell my kids, "I knew him when..."!

"...he still wore socks?" like einstein!!!

yes and yes, vris. you know, i have always liked to write, but never thought i could come up with an interesting enough story. the pale hose have shown me that that is just an excuse.

though, for now, i am content enough to write this slop. what can i say, i'm easily amused.

thanks for the replies, gentlemen. i am glad i did not drop off the face of the earth, as well. i hate heights and that would probably be a long fall.

speaking of falling...

[cknox0723]

game ix - chw (2-6) @ nyy (5-2) - "instep"

at this time last year, you were reading about... an 8-1 win in detroit -- included therein is this little nugget - "Garland, who might actually make me think he's decent if he keeps pitching like this." oops.

this year you can read about... j. depaula (0-1, 3.00) vs. k. escobar (1-0, 4.50)

Jorge DePaula was never a top prospect like Ed Yarnall, but there is still an unnerving similarity between the two. In 1999, Yarnall went 13-4 for AAA Columbus at the age of 23, and the southpaw fanned a batter an inning in 145 frames, with a K/BB ratio of 2.5 to 1.

Five years later in a sad parallel universe, Jorge DePaula worked as a swingman for the parent club of the Columbus team, the New York Yankees. He started 17 games and relieved in 20 others, receiving credit for 13 wins and striking out two and a half batters for every one he walked. His earned run average was 3.67. At the age of 25, one would be foolish to say stardom was in his future, but he looked like a reasonable enough major league pitcher.

Five years after winning 13 in AAA, Ed Yarnall went 5-6 for two different International League teams over 25 starts, after spending parts of the previous four seasons in Japan, Sacramento, and rehabbing an arm injury. He's pitched 20 major league innings, walking 13, striking out 14, and posting a 5.40 ERA. His walk rate has never dipped below one every three innings.

I don't know where Jorge DePaula will be in 2009, but it ain't looking good. Since winning 13 games two-plus years ago, his record's slid off to 7-10 and then last year's painful 5-19 mark. His control is average at best, as he walked a batter every two innings last season, and while he throws hard, he is not overpowering. When Baseball Prospectus discussed Yarnall in this year's book, they said something that stuck with me. "Pitchers are not subject to a bell curve, but a probabilistic step curve." I don't know what the hell that is -- maybe the math major can help us out -- but I understand what they're trying to say. You can't guarantee improvement for outfielders and second basemen, but you can understand why it might happen. If Jeremy Reed puts on five pounds of muscle, he'll swing the bat that much quicker, and hit a few more long balls over the course of a season. If Aneudi Cuevas gets 200 at-bats this season, he'll become that much more familiar with the slider, not to mention all of the innings in the field will give him more experience scooping up those three-hoppers.

If Jorge DePaula puts on five pounds, maybe he's a quarter-second slower delivering the ball to home plate. Baserunners have an easier time swiping second then, so DePaula compensates by shortening his stride a few inches, but now he can't hit the outside corner with his changeup, forcing him to try to pitch inside more. Miss with one of those pitches, and...BAM!

However, much as I may try, I don't know why Jorge DePaula's control went south, or why his strikeout rate's flatlined. Perhaps it was just meant to be, since -- just like Yarnall -- he did have a brief moment of glory. Most of us get that glory in a much more silent way, like Yarnall's great year in AAA. One way or another, we all get it, in our own way, or so I'd like to think. Esteban got it with yesterday's most improbable pique of brilliance. Maybe Jorge can get it today?

[cknox0723]

But DePaula's star is flickering out with every start now, and his second appearance of this season is sadly no different. Jason Giambi hits a three-run jack in the bottom of the first. Eric Munson gives us hope with a long two-run bomb in the top of the second, but Giambi drives in another run in the bottom of the inning with a double where the cameras can't find the ball, down into the right field corner. He steps up in the bottom of the third with a man on base once again -- three of 'em, in fact -- but raps a comebacker right to DePaula. Nevertheless, a run had already scored in the frame, and with a pitch count of 87 thanks to seven walks, I call DePaula back to the dugout when it's his turn to bat in the top of the fourth. Enrique Wilson hits a bouncer to short, ending the frame and leaving two men on base and a three-run deficit still on the scoreboard, a margin we never can quite close despite four hits in the seventh and thirteen overall.

In a way, it's oh-so-frustrating -- DePaula could have been something better than a guy who's now on the verge of being sent to AAA, and we could have pulled this ballgame out, if only we could have brought home another run or two, if only Aki Otsuka didn't give up two in the seventh...if only, if only.

But somehow, it all seems entirely appropriate for yet another lousy Jorge DePaula start.

CHW 4 NYY 8

WP: K. Escobar (2-0) - 6 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 1 BB, 6 K
LP: J. DePaula (0-2)
S: D. Weathers (3)

The Jorge DePaula Lifetime Achievement Award for Mediocrity goes to... Jorge DePaula! Funny how that works.

[cknox0723]

this may be the toronto's last day in the first division. the jays lost 5 to 2 to tampa to fall into a tie with new york for first in the al east. edgar "the worst gonzalez ever" allowed two runs in eight and geoff blum broke a two-two tie with a two-run triple off of les walrond in the top of the ninth.

27 year old neil cotts picked up his first major league victory in four years in minnesota's seven-four victory over cleveland. even with a 2.19 earned run average, you can see the writing on the wall for the journeyman southpaw, and it spells out either redrum or rochester - cotts has walked eight in twelve-plus innings pitched. but last start, his five walks were essentially negated by allowing the fine tribe lineup just three base knocks, a pair of singles and a mark bellhorn double. happily, joe crede was just one for four. jesse crain, the 25 year old righthander who breathes fire, converted his second save in four chances.

kansas city hung on to first place for another day with an improbable eighth inning comeback against seattle's highly-compensated bullpen. the big blow was a fly ball to right by light-hitting center fielder rich thompson that had just enough to reach the second row of the bleachers. with three men on base at the time, it flipped a three-run kansas city deficit into a one-run lead, and scott stewart nearly relinquished it in the bottom of the inning, but chad paronto retired milton bradley on a pop fly behind second base to strand two seattle runners. brian schmack struck out the side in the ninth to record his fourth save, and rookie zack greinke was officially bailed out from his second loss in his second big league start despite allowing 6 runs in 6 to increase his earned run average to 6.57.

our crosstown rivals won the season's longest game to date with a 14-inning 4-3 triumph over houston. orber moreno was an appropriate victor, pitching two scoreless innings and tallying one in the game-winning rbi column with a one-out fielder's choice in the top of the fourteenth that allowed nic jackson to score from third. moreno only swung his lumber because the cubs' bench was empty, but michael wuertz pitched the bottom of the fourteenth. he struck out the side to convert his second career save, and it wasn't just dumb luck - his career earned run average is a brilliant 2.47 in 98 innings spread out over parts of three-plus seasons.

[cknox0723]

game x - chw (2-7) @ nyy (6-2) - "21 grams"

last year... blanked by bedard, not that there's anything wrong with that

this year... j. rauch (0-0, 1.93) @ j. schmidt (1-1, 2.57)

I don't expect to beat Jason Schmidt, even when we score a first-inning run thanks to the brilliant trio of Vazquez, Kennedy, and Ordonez. I just wish it wasn't Jon Rauch throwing 57 pitches and just 23 strikes in the first two innings. I'd rather it be Esteban Loaiza giving up Jason Giambi's second and then third home run of the series, or leaving after five innings and one hundred and eleven lackluster pitches.

Or, as I glance up at the out-of-town scores, I'd rather it be Jon Rauch no-hitting the Empire through six, not Paul Wilson turning the trick on the Giants.

But, if nothing else, Esteban Loaiza shouldn't have spun a shutout two days ago.

It all balances out in the end. The brilliant Mark Prior gets bested by Livan Hernandez in a 4-0 loss for our enemies to the north. Wilson loses his no-no when Ed Alfonzo loops a single over second base, and we lose our eighth ballgame of the year despite the best efforts of Messrs. Gonzalez and Torrealba, who each pound out a pair of hits. C'est la vie. Tomorrow is another day -- our home opener, in fact -- and Mark Buehrle's on the mound, a scant handful of days after Esteban Loaiza single-handedly staved off the Empire. Life is good.

Why get frustrated over the fact that it could be better?

CHW 2 NYY 7

WP: J. Schmidt (2-1)
LP: J. Rauch (0-1)

Coolest Catcher Alive... Yorvit Torrealba, hands down. He went eight for ninety-five in a burp of playing time over in San Francisco last season. That's an .084 batting average, made even more sickly by zero extra-base hits and 28 strikeouts to just five walks. But good ol' Yorv is nine for his first twenty-nine this year, and by virtue of a sacrifice fly, has a higher batting average than on-base percentage. It's super-cool when those numbers are .310 and .300, especially when the memory of Mike Piazza's -.025 batting average is still in mind. I don't know whether Yorvit is better suited to be the name of a child's toy, a candy bar, or a dinghy, but I suspect this fictional Chicago's going to find out.

[cknox0723]

since there are approximately 3,000 people reading this forum right now, i felt this would be a good time to mention that it would be just ideal if a catcher who could hit .275 with 15 long balls a year just fell from the sky like acid rain. they have acid rain in chicago, right?

[Vris]

Tough loss to my favorite pitcher.

Is it me, or are these write ups getting shorter?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

Tough loss to my favorite pitcher.

Is it me, or are these write ups getting shorter?

it is not just you. don't worry, we have a long season ahead and i have many things to say. unfortunately, not many of them are coming out coherently, at the moment. nevertheless i suppose it is time to paddle on...

[cknox0723]

i am sick right now. not literally...though, yes, literally. sorry to disappoint, but this will be the shortest write-up of them all. i am scrapping everything i had planned to write about this game because i simply don't have the heart. i'm not even going to bother with the shift key.

our first home game. buehrle vs. rich harden and the tigers. (see how sick i am over this? no colors, even) buehrle doesn't look indestructible early on, but he gets out of a third-inning jam by striking out pudge, rather than doing the fudge with him. then he gets himself in and out of trouble again in the fourth, by retiring someone named hessman as well as young, light-hitting, supposedly high-ceilinged shortstop giarratano.

we are still hitless at this time, but adam kennedy makes the 20,000 plus faithful at the cell cheer with a leadoff fourth-inning walk. magglio ordonez follows, takes a strike and then another. doesn't matter. harden throws an 0-2 splitter, hoping to bury it in the dirt and make maggs dig, but he misses high, about a foot. the pitch is right over the middle. ordonez takes a huge cut...he nails it, rips it to right, it's going, it's going...

and it's curving, it's curving, and then it's tailing off...and lands in the seats on the wrong side of the yellow pole. eventually he hits but a simple ground ball which takes away yet another of our precious outs.

but then frank catalanotto, who struck out in his first at-bat in chicago, hammers a fastball as if directed by the grace of god. it's a lightning-quick double, and ordonez thunders home to a storm of cheers. no home run, but we're winning anyway.

it stays that way...through the fifth, through the sixth, as buehrle strikes out the side in a pique of mastery that only an artist, a davinci or rodin, could truly appreciate. then rich harden ceases to exist, replaced by the sinewy vestiges of someone so similar yet so incredibly different. it's one of the great mysteries of baseball, why a pitcher suddenly loses effectiveness. for all of the harrowing about pitch counts like you'd find in the modern-day game, no number provides an answer.

the number 78 was harden's limit today, as all of his pitches after that are distinctly lacking in character, in consitution -- in anything. ramon vazquez starts the bottom of the sixth with an innocuous little single, and then adam kennedy hits a ground ball to third that ty wigginton handles like a mexican jumping bean. that gives us two runners, and it only seems reasonable to send them jumping like mexican beans, since they do no good standing around. in an effort to stop that, pudge makes a throw down to third, but his efforts only encourage our runners more. it helps that this throw ends up somewhere down the left field line. there's our second run, but we don't stop there.

magglio ordonez doubles home a run. after "catalanotto dressing" strikes out, raul gonzalez annihilates a pitch down the left field line. apparently the ball ends up embedded in the wall, because gonzalez gets a three-bagger. frank thomas follows with a long sacrifice fly, and then eric munson does the same, except his hit is with two outs and no one on, so it's just the third out. it's five-nothing at this point and we have more runs than hits.

but i'm not even going to bother with cliffhangers, because my euphoria's been completely replaced by the agonizing frustration of an incomprehensible loss. i wish i didn't have to tell you how it happened, or that it happened at all, but it's too late now. the only consolation i have is that i figure my description of this mess is coming out ok. but, says the pessimist in me, that's only temporary.

temporary, like our goddamned 5-0 lead.

[cknox0723]

buehrle loses the shutout in the top half of the next inning, which is only too bad because the thought had crossed my mind around that time that we had the chance to get three wins, two of which were shutouts. but he hits tony giarratano in the shoulder -- i wish he would stop hitting people -- and then wilton reynolds three-bases a hit. that seemed too easy. 5-1 now, but three fly outs in a row bring the inning to a quick enough close, even if they do shave the lead down another run.

yet another ramon vazquez base hit gives us yet another runner in scoring position after a seventh-inning walk and fielder's choice against jack cressend, but kennedy and ordonez strike out and i feel as though i should have aborted this sentence long ago. buehrle looks fantastic once again in the eighth, retiring the heart of the order in wigginton, johnson, and spivey. only the middle gentleman of the three hits much more than his weight, but we're only three outs away so that's but a brief flicker in my mind. buehrle's up around 115 pitches and probably tired but i like seeing him pitch a lot of innings, so i'm pretty committed to letting him finish this one off. with a three-run lead...with a quick hook, why not?

then the bottom of the eighth comes. catalanotto singles, gonzalez singles, the hits mirror images of each other if...well, i'm not too good with physics, so i don't know where you'd have to set up a mirror to show a ball's bounce past short as traveling the same path as one bouncing past third. but suffice it to say that both swung a bit and hit baseballs on a line!

for some reason, i get the brilliant idea to send them on a double steal, even though neither is particularly fast nor slow. it doesn't work. after frank thomas flies out, we get that lost baserunner back anyway as eric munson draws a walk, and then yorvit torrealba takes one of those goofy half-swings and veritably plops a ball into center field. whatever works. raul gonzie trots home, it's 6-2 and there's still two men on.

for mark buehrle. like a lunk, i don't follow my heart (imagine that!!), instead listening to my stathead-infected mind. shea hillenbrand is announced as the pinch-hitter. his idea of hitting is a pop-up to left. i swear, swat the table absent-mindedly, and bring on joe roa to put the ribbon on this one, figuring he could use the work, having only pitched twice this year.

have i ever mentioned that i can't wrap gifts? seriously...maybe it is that i have poor eyesight, or was never very good at geometry. but, yeah, i can't do that, in case you were wondering.

[cknox0723]

joe roa's scouting report does not look the same as it did last year, when he was so brilliant. "he needs more work on his 'out pitch'. he's a pitch away from dominating." this is the same scout who thinks julio lugo is the reincarnated honus wagner, but for some reason i believe it. roa is 35 years old and quite frankly never had any success before last year.

whether that has anything to do with his first or second pitch in this game, i don't know. whatever the case, that pitch, as it would be, is freaking slaughtered by someone named hessman. i call him "someone", but in actuality that is a man i cut when first taking over this ill-fated team. how ironic. the ball stays in the stadium, but it's a home run, and with plenty of distance to spare. we're back to a three-run game.

roa walks the next man, the shortstop giarratano. that's quite unlike our control artist, but still i see fit to stick with him. wilton reynolds singles over the infield and finally i bite, bringing in akinori otsuka and his 10+ era in 2.2 innings. i blew it, there. roa was bound to get an out, so i should've waited for that...or if he wasn't going to get an out, why wait three batters then?

otsuka gets some neophyte to hit a fly ball to right, which allows the runner at third, giarratano, to tag and score. but, lord mercy, we have an out. the tying run's also at the plate, but that's ok.

it's ok until the powerful carlos pena strides out from the dugout. fearing the lefty first baseman and his mighty .356 slugging percentage (editor's note: WHY WHY WHY WHY was i afraid of that?) i bring in the southpaw mike gallo to counter him. gallo may have earned my ire on more than one occasion last year, but he's been brilliant this year, facing 15 batters and retiring all but one of them.

so of course he throws up slop to pena. in fact, i am not sure that he didn't just place the ball on a tee for ol' carlos. he must have, for the 215 pound first baseman somehow ends up with a triple to right. just like that, the tying run's 90 feet away. we were up five-nothing two innings ago, 6-2 some handful of minutes earlier. what the hell have i done?

i order gallo to intentionally walk pudge and then yank his ass in favor of p.j. bevis, hoping against hope that he will somehow either strike out ty wigginton or induce a double play. instead, he walks him, putting the lead run in scoring position for detroit's best hitter, reed johnson, who is roughly magglio ordonez with a less interesting name. predictably enough, he comes through with a two-run, pendulum-swinging single. then j. spivey follows suit and it's 9-6 and i consider throwing the computer out the window.

i realize it's actually 8-6, calm down just a bit, and instead bring in kiko calero, the last pitcher in our bullpen aside from rule 5 pick marcos carvajal, but he is more a potted plant than a pitcher anyway. we have gone through every pitcher in the bullpen and gotten one out. calero gets two, with two ground balls. it doesn't make me feel better. then the light bulb goes off again.

"we're only down two. all we need is a few hits and a home run and we could win this game and it'd be the greatest ****ing thing evar!!!!"

detroit's closer, soap opera star fernando rodney, comes on to the rubber. ramon vazquez takes a mighty swing at the first pitch...and hits it four feet in front of the plate. if there were ever a way to dash my dreams, it's seeing a healthy swing...and watching the ball trickle away.

adam kennedy follows with a base hit, but it ain't happening. maggs hits a can of corn, steel drum frankie does the same, and we're gone.

[cknox0723]

well, that was no fun. i am about written out, as you can probably tell, but i have a few observations, so at least it does not sound like i am dangling over a ledge.

-the band wilco has a song called "misunderstood", which contains some lyrics from a song called "amphetamine" by a man named peter laughner. among these is this line.

All you touch turns to lead.

i felt like that in the top of the ninth inning as reliever after reliever failed.

well, i guess i should have said i have one observation. that's all i got. i thought i had a few things to say about how the team sucks, but if i did, they don't want to come out. i suppose i would feel even worse about this loss had the yankees not came back from a thousand runs down to beat the devil rays earlier tonight. and i would probably feel even worse about the game had i not actually been somewhat satisfied while writing about it, even if i am not sure if what i wrote actually made any sense.

ah, who am i kidding. it's still not settling well. maybe that was the lobster ravioli, with the colorful sauce, that i had for dinner. i had an odd feeling while eating that. or maybe that loss was really, really, really painful.

but i'll get over it. "why do we fall down? so we can pick ourselves back up again."

[Y0DA55]

Wow, that was painful to read. The whole way through, I'm thinking to myself, "Don't blow it. C'mon, this is a long season and Craig needs something good to happen." The loss doesn't sit well with me either, and I don't know if there was a whole lot you could have done about it.

Curse you OOTP gods. Curse you!

[ifspuds]

Damn. Rough loss, Craig. This is why I hate bullpens.

Kudos, however, for the lobster ravioli and quoting "Misunderstood".

[cknox0723]

heh. if disaster breeds one thing besides misery, it's sympathy.

Originally Posted by Y0DA55

Wow, that was painful to read. The whole way through, I'm thinking to myself, "Don't blow it. C'mon, this is a long season and Craig needs something good to happen." The loss doesn't sit well with me either, and I don't know if there was a whole lot you could have done about it.

Curse you OOTP gods. Curse you!

well, i appreciate that. almost 24 hours later, i'm movin' on. we will have other chances. and i will certainly defer to your expertise that i was completely free of blame in that disaster.

Originally Posted by ifspuds

Damn. Rough loss, Craig. This is why I hate bullpens.

damn right. i am thinking we should embark on some RPenocide -- as a wise man once said, "can't start, don't play!"

but then we'd have no joe roa.

Originally Posted by spudsy

Kudos, however, for the lobster ravioli and quoting "Misunderstood".

i know you'd appreciate the wilco reference - that will not be the last one. but i did not know you were a fan of the haute cuisine. the restaurant i went to priced cheese ravioli and lobster ravioli the same, so, to me, i was getting some free shellfish. and only a fool would pass up free shellfish!

this next post has no immediate resolution, nor does it have anything directly to do with the pale hose. it involves canadiancreed's boys, in fact, and the hated bunch from canada south, and indirectly...you might sense a familiar, foreboding feeling.

buckle up for one of those loooooong tangents. no buehrle, no roa, and still no capital letters (i'll find the shift key sometime soon, i promise), but i hope you enjoy.

[cknox0723]

toronto scored three in the first off of kyle lohse when michael restovich swatted his fourth big fly of the year. roy halladay gave one back, but carlos delgado hit the club's second three-run tater of the ballgame in the next inning. six-one. maybe first place isn't out of the question yet for the jays. i mean, who could possibly blow a lead like that?

halladay gives up a double in the second and a double in the third, the sort of hit that becomes really significant only when they're followed by singles. lew ford and brad fullmer come through in both cases, and the lead's down to three after three.

but halladay leads off the fourth inning with a base hit -- go figure, right? this leads ron gardenhire to replace juan rincon with scott linebrink. it seems a fair trade -- both are reasonably hard-throwing, short right-handers who are middle-aged in baseball years and more than amply compensated for pitching middle relief. only difference between 'em aside from the country of origin is that rincon's pitched nearly 400 innings of big league ball in his career -- linebrink, just 264, and only about 75 over the last couple of years.

proven middle relievers? maybe there's somethin' to it. linebrink throws a fat first pitch to orlando hudson, who smacks it back up the middle for a single, giving the jays a pair of baserunners. then linebrink starts balkin' and walkin', and by the time he finally gets three outs, toronto lead's increased from three to five. 8 to 3.

how could they possibly blow this one?

[cknox0723]

the roof doesn't start to cave until the seventh, as mr. halladay had looked like the ace he is in the fourth and fifth and neatly sidestepped a sixth-inning jam by striking out josh "broccoli rabe." you know, i swear i already nicknamed someone "broccoli." but damned if i can remember who, and the name rabe is just crying out for that prefix.

but in the seventh, halladay hits the wall, giving up hard-hit singles to koskie and hunter and then a hard shot off the bat of carlos lee that ends up inches away from landing in the bleachers rather than the glove of vernon wells. it still goes down as a sacrifice fly, and after handing out a free pass, carlos tosca's seen enough, bringing on skinny right-hander angel guzman, trying to hold onto a spot in the major leagues after winning 12 tampa's triple-a club in durham, also posting a 2.42 earned run average and fanning over a batter an inning.

the live-armed right-hander doesn't notch a strikeout, though. instead, he misses out over the plate with a fastball, and brad fullmer (remember him?) hits a screamer right on the nose -- and right at the glove of the pitcher guzman. michael cuddyer falls down trying to scramble back to first, tearing his pants right at the crotch in the process, and as he sits there, seething in a pile of dirt, fertilizer, little bugs, his own piss, and frustration, guzman lobs the ball over to carlos delgado. double play, inning over. 8-4. roy halladay ended up with a pitching line that looks roughly like 2 out of mark buehrle's three starts this year -- six and a third, four runs -- but with all those runs his mates gave him, he's in line for the win anyway.

but the jays seem determined to throw that away -- literally, as eric hinske gives eric byrnes first base by fielding a routine ground ball and then throwing it halfway to palookaville. two batters later, jason "jayback" bartlett doubles, and it's 8-5. lefty les walrond comes on and induces corey koskie to hit a chopper up the middle that orlando hudson fields...then bobbles, grabs it again, quick as he can and fires it -- wildly, desperately, wide of first. that 8-3 lead is one swing away from becoming but an agonizing memory.

but torii hunter flies out to right, and it stays an 8-5 game. "all you touch turns to lead?" not for the jays. no matter what they do, they can't screw this one up.

or can they?

[Vris]

Play by Play of a Non-Pale Hose team?

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

Play by Play of a Non-Pale Hose team?

heh. i never was one for brevity, anyway.

and at least the writeups are not getting shorter!!

[cknox0723]

with two outs in the top of the ninth, light-hitting shortstop dave berg makes contact with one of jesse crain's molten fastballs and the little white sphere flies off toward the left-center field gap. berg ends up with two bags. but pinch-hitter scott thorman grounds to short, and toronto can't add to their three-run lead.

but who cares about that? eric knott, left-handed unproven closer, comes on and all looks well. high-priced offseason acquisition carlos lee flies out. michael cuddyer draws a walk, but brad fullmer hits another fly ball out to the right-center field area. the jays have a three-run lead and are one out away from their eighth win of the year. they couldn't possibly...could they???

pinch-hitter casey mcgehee, a rule 5 pick last year, keeps the game alive with a looper over short. and then the left-hander knott throws one really lousy pitch. the cliché in that situation is that he lost his focus. what is that? but, realistically, he was close enough to that post-game spread that maybe he did taste the baked ziti and chicken a la king.

or maybe he's just not that good. either way, eric byrnes gets a fastball out and up and fires his hips and whacks the pitch to the opposite field, down toward the corner and it's carrying and carrying and it looks like it might get Out of the Park and then it's taking a nosedive toward the warning track. the ball strikes the dirt, seemingly at a thousand miles an hour, caroms up off the wall and bounces ten feet in the air, the force and angle of impact being such that the ball is just hanging up there, and michael restovich is waiting, but there's nothing he can do. finally the ball comes down, but by that time, byrnes is tearing around second, and casey mcgehee's just about to touch home, the second of two baserunners to tap the holy pentagon. byrnes slides into third needlessly as the relay comes in from the outfield -- scrappy white guy, got to get the uniform dirty, right? -- and the baggy dome's shaking from all the cheering and stomping and whistling. it's a one-run game and the tying run's at the third.

but there's also two outs.

[Vris]

This isn't fair Craig. TELL US WHO WINS THE DAMN GAME!

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Vris

This isn't fair Craig. TELL US WHO WINS THE DAMN GAME!

ha! a blue jays' fan now, too, mr. fish? creed will be pleased.

but, okay, i can comply with that request, just for you.

[rem]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

byrnes slides into third needlessly as the relay comes in from the outfield -- scrappy white guy, got to get the uniform dirty, right? -- and the baggy dome's shaking from all the cheering and stomping and whistling. it's a one-run game and the tying run's at the third.

but there's also two outs.

well done

[cknox0723]

truth is, i stopped where i did in that last post because i didn't know what to do. who should have won this game? who should have lost? detached from the situation, my first inclination is, "what happened...simply is."

SS Alex Cintron:
SINGLES down the first-base line.
E. Byrnes scores.

so there you go. that's what happened. the twins scored three runs in the bottom of the ninth to tie the jays at eight -- all without making an out. without making their twenty-seventh and final out, and losing the game.

mercifully toronto reliever knott is removed after cintron's single, but aquilino lopez gives up a base hit to joe mauer and suddenly the jays need an out just to get to extra innings.

and noah lowry, the third reliever of the inning, gets that out. corey koskie bounces to second. ordinarily that would beg the question -- if they needed a left-handed reliever, why not pitch him from the beginning instead of watching their "closer" blow the game? -- but the game's moving on, improbably, to the tenth, even though the twins don't have a catcher and have to play fifth infielder mcgehee there. yeah, i know, mauer pinch-hit, why the hell can't he catch? let's pretend he pulled a hammy.

aaron fultz can't handle all of the tomfoolery and starts walking people, nix and delgado and restovich in between fly outs, and toronto's got a chance to get the lead again even after a pale hose style meltdown. who is smiling down on this team?

but eric hinske is a bust there ear, he sucks, and swings at a pitch in his eyes and pops it up on the infield, and it's still at crazy eights as the twins get their shot to win it.

and they give it a go. torii hunter leads off with a double off the left-center field fence, and suddenly all toronto can do is hope against hope that the left-hander lowry gets out of it. an intentional walk to neutralize the salmonella in carlos lee's bat, and then an out! michael cuddyer pops out behind second.

but it's not meant to be. this was an 8-3 game at one point. now toronto's fighting for their proverbial lives. they aren't going to pull off a win in a case like that. brad fullmer clubs a single so hard that the winning run hunter is actually held up at third despite being pretty nimble. that loads the bases, leaving toronto's only out as two of 'em -- a double play or bust. but casey mcgehee slaps your typical infield-in hit -- line drive over everyone's head that first bounces just behind second base, hunter romps home, and the crowd goes wild.

that loses the game for a team from canada, and instead of 8-3, they're 7-4. an eyelash of difference, superficially.

i pulled an eyelash out of my eye right now with a little tug. man, those things are tiny.

[rem]

i'm confused, I thought this was about the white sox? Why is it the Jays/Twins?

[Vris]

Originally Posted by remangiii

i'm confused, I thought this was about the white sox? Why is it the Jays/Twins?

"



And not much of a Blue Jays fan, but just wondering if you were going to tie this in with the Pale Hose somehow.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by remangiii

i'm confused, I thought this was about the white sox? Why is it the Jays/Twins?

Originally Posted by Vris

And not much of a Blue Jays fan, but just wondering if you were going to tie this in with the Pale Hose somehow.

well, why the hell not write about the blue jays and twins? i mean, my prose hums like poetry regardless of the team i'm writing about, right?

i kid, i kid. real reason i wrote about that game is because i looked at our spectacular six-run ninth inning meltdown and thought, "jesus, we are the worst team on the planet. perhaps this team should be contracted and i should wait to ootp7, and ply my craft in some league in holland before ever getting back to the big leagues."

however, i saw this game in the box scores and after reading up on it a bit, changed my tune. i didn't plan to write so much, but it kept coming, and i figured, "why not? it's my thread and i can do whatever the hell i want." and so i did, and i plan to do again. it's quite empowering, and i suggest you give it a try sometime, too!

back to your regularly scheduled pale hose game babble now.

[cknox0723]

chris scarborough continues to struggle for triple-a charlotte. his latest start was enough to nab his second victory, but that is mostly due to the hot bats swung by minor-league veterans chin-feng chen and matt diaz, both of whom are hitting over .300. scarborough went five and two-thirds and allowed five runs, bringing his season totals to seventeen innings and seventeen runs allowed, sixteen earned, on eighteen hits. he's walked seven and fanned 15. i see him as very similar to the real-life joe blanton (not the version in this universe who posted an era of almost 8.00 in 2006) -- a highly-touted prospect after a fantastic year in double-a who had a few growing pains in triple-a. we have a tendency to place too much weight on that which has happened most recently. while i no longer believe that chris scarborough is going to win rookie of the year this season, i still have no doubt he will be in our rotation this time next year.

though i said a few days ago that brian anderson would be the odd man out once frank catalanotto came to town, i changed my mind. it was jeremy reed who was re-introduced to a world filled with dusty buses and cold cuts. aside from the third game of the year, when he singled and doubled, reed had gone hitless this season -- oh-for-twenty-four. since last june, reed is nineteen for one hundred and seventeen in the major leagues, an average so low i don't care to figure it. with a pinch-hit strikeout in his only at-bat in charlotte's win last night over toledo, reed is also 70 for 285 in that time in the minor leagues. all those numbers mean that he has been in a serious funk for quite some time, and with his fielding troubles in center and right field last year (5 errors in 44 games at the two positions), we are left with an athletic left fielder who seems like he's likely to hit .220. he would not be the first such player, but somehow it doesn't seem right for a man called "the clutch god" to have such an anonymous fate.

there are a few players doing well in the minor leagues, which is quite a surprise to me. an infielder named gary sabia is hitting .343 with 6 extra base hits in his first 35 a.b.'s for single-a winston-salem. hector made, the second base prospect acquired in our trade with the empire last offseason, is hitting .341 and has a wide breadth of skills beyond that. jorge depaula may not contribute as much in the remainder of his career as "shoeless damaso" marte and his 1.91 earned run average did last season, but the other prospect involved in that trade, kris honel, has lost his first three starts for triple-a columbus and is giving up more than a run an inning. hector made could provide more value than anyone in that trade, or so i hope.

were a pitcher needed to bolster the staff that's given up more runs than 27 other teams, a few options lie in waiting.

armando deltoro, the last second round pick of the old guard, has thrown a fantastic twenty-five innings for double-a birmingham. twenty-batters have flailed away at his assortment of junk and come up empty, and just fifteen have gotten a hit. only two have drawn a walk; only four runners have touched home plate to his detriment. the scouts do not like the soft-tossing 24 year old, who had only been a .500 pitcher in his two years in single-a, but his strikeout and walk rates have always looked good.

though deltoro warrants a promotion to triple-a, there's no spot in a rotation that has won 7 and lost 4. 25 year old southpaw ryan wing has won one and lost one, but his lucky thirteens suggest that he may be close to the major leagues -- his totals for innings pitched, baserunners, and strikeouts are all thirteen.

[cknox0723]

game xii - det (6-4) @ chw (2-9)

last season: oh, esteban, why must you torture us so?

this season: m. redman (1-0, 6.97) @ j. garland (0-2, 10.50)

After being knocked down by the Tigers, I fully expect that we'll find a way to pick ourselves back up -- after all, nowhere to go but up! But I didn't think it'd come some 12 hours after what was perhaps the most spectacular meltdown in Pale Hose history.

Yet sure enough, Jon Garland comes out throwing his hard sinking fastball for strikes, needing just nine pitches to complete a one-two-three first, and crafty lefty Mark Redman has his head up his ass as he straddles the rubber in the bottom of the first. I've no idea how he can throw a ball in such a position, but lo and behold...

Still, even though his freakish sideshow ability would do wonders for a traveling circus, it ain't much against major league batters. Redman's assortment of half-assed junk (pun intended) is like batting practice for our major league batters, one of whom is shortstop Aneudi Cuevas, a year out of AA. He leads off with a sharp single to left. Adam Kennedy, left-handed batter, supposedly isn't much against pitchers who use that arm, but he's a house afire recently and pulls another mediocre fastball over the second sacker Infante, allowing Cuevas to scamper to third. Then Redman bounces a pitch, Pudge can't fetch it fast enough, and we're on the board first.

Redman gets his head on straight after that, retiring "Buddha" Ordonez on a short fly out to left. The Big Hurt reaches thanks to the inadequacies of a third baseman named Hessman, but Raul Gonzalez swings right through a 2-2 fastball at the letters and it looks as though we'll have a supernova-like first inning.

But Miguel Olivo cracks a single past the shortstop Tony Giarratano and you can put another on the board. Veteran outfielder Jeff Hammonds bounces to second -- the first batter who put the ball in play and didn't pull it -- and after 34 pitches, we're finally in the books. But what a way to get put in there.

Garland is perfect again in the second, though he gets two fly balls, which isn't terribly common for him. Redman appears completely settled as he concludes the bottom of the frame by picking Aneudi Cuevas off first base, but I wouldn't really care if we had dancing elephants on first. We're winning -- that only happens once a week!

[cknox0723]

But just as suddenly as we jumped out into the lead, the Tigers cut right back into it. Garland's first pitch of the third is a fastball up and out over the plate, and light-hitting shortstop Tony Giarratano squirts some mustard on his bat and hits a drive deep into the right field corner. The 24 year old who's hit a consistent three home runs a year for three straight years gets the tenth of his career in this universe as the ball clangs off the right field foul pole, and just like that, the shutout's gone.

Ivan Rodriguez, who is hitting around .400, follows by whistling a line drive past Adam Kennedy and on into right field, and I swear I heard the somber notes of a dirge as the ball flew past. As if to drive that point home, Alan Trammell decides to let his pitcher Redman hack away. Is he just trying to play some sort of mind game, or can he tell that Garland's lost it? And if he has in fact lost it, why? Does he have a blister on his hand, or were those two second inning fly outs an ominous sign of things to come? Or perhaps he just isn't cut out to be a starter? If I had the answers...

Redman bashes a hard ground ball that only turns into a forceout at second because of the acrobatic machinations of Adam Kennedy, but it doesn't make me feel any better. The next two batters both hit screamers to the right side, as if to turn this into a test of the superhuman abilities of Adam Kennedy. Somehow he knocks down the second of these two balls, this one struck by Omar Infante, and we've still got a chance to get out of the inning, if only Garland can induce Carlos Pena to hit something other than a screamer to the right side. And sure enough, he does just that.

"From the stretch, Garland's one-one...kicks and deals, changeup on the outside half and Pena tomahawks it to the opposite field! Oh, baby, there's fire coming off the end of that one and Hammonds will just turn and watch it clatter into the seats. A three-run home run for Carlos Pena, his first of the year, and the Tigers take a four to two lead."

Well, that's not exactly what I was going for, Jon, but at least you gave Adam Kennedy a break.

The air's out of my sail after that dong, but we manage to make it through the next few innings without turning the deficit into something titanic, and we stumble into a chance to comeback in the bottom of the sixth when Frank Thomas and Miguel Olivo both break their bats on nasty change of pace pitches -- and manage to each get credit for a bloop single over second base. With one out and those two on, Jeffrey Hammonds fires a bullet into left (who said his bat was slow?), and we've got the tying and lead runs on base. Shea Hillenbrand hits a fly ball deep enough to score even Frank Thomas, and it's a one-run game with the tying run at second. For Jon Garland. That signals the end for him, but Enrique Wilson can't come through, hackneying a fly ball to left and leaving me to ask the bitter question of what I could have done differently.

But I don't have to beat myself up for long, as Kiko Calero keeps his ERA at a perfect zero with a quick seventh, and then we get that missing run in the bottom of the inning when Magglio Ordonez doubles home Ramon Vazquez, who had walked after pinch-hitting for the rookie Cuevas when Alan Trammell went to a right-hander named Cressend. Calero continues to dazzle in the eighth, striking out both the first sacker Pena and the team's best hitter in right fielder Reed Johnson, but T.J. Tucker gets the bottom of our lineup to hit three straight ground balls, and it's on to the ninth, with the winner of that inning the winner of the game.

[cknox0723]

A year ago, Joe Roa would come into these situations and pitch lights-out almost every single time. He had his ups and downs -- a 5.68 ERA in April, for example -- but the man pitched almost 100 innings and gave up just 30 runs. He did not give away at-bats as he walked just sixteen, and he did not make big mistakes, as he allowed just 6 home runs. Hell, he only allowed 14 extra base hits. One could input those numbers into Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, and it would spit out an entry for relief ace, I am sure.

It is disheartening to me to see him struggle now, to see the latter-day Armando Benitez in Fernando Rodney outperform him. Sure, it is just a few games, but this seems like a completely different pitcher. He's still just 35 years old -- reasonably young. Does he see that he's going to earn one and a half million over the next two years, regardless of how he pitches, and not have that "middle-class enthusiasm" anymore? Or is he not physically capable of spotting that 91 mile an hour sinker like he could a few months ago? If last season never ended, would Joe Roa still be more like "The Pied Piper" and less like some guy with a six-letter name?

But we will probably never know. So I suppose it is simply time to adapt and figure out how we are going to get outs in the ninth inning, because the guy who could do that last year hasn't been able to do it two days in a row.

DET 6 CHW 4

WP: T. Tucker (1-0)
LP: J. Roa (0-1) his ninth inning itinerary - comebacker, single, walk of A. Beltre, two-run double into the right field corner by Junior Spivey, ground out, strikeout
S: F. Rodney (4)

Major Props to... Shea Hillenbrand, who may not be someone I'd want to spend more than five minutes with, but the ****** can hit. His tale is another cautionary one against looking at the previous year and immediately writing a man off just because his on-base percentage in 350 AAA at-bats was .296. Hillenbrand may swing at everything, but his career batting average in the bigs is .280 and he has extra-base power. He is seven for seventeen so far this season and though he could go oh-for his next forty-seven, I see no reason to think he will. On this team, that's plenty good for me.

[Mike D]

Originally Posted by cknox0723

A year ago, Joe Roa would come into these situations and pitch lights-out almost every single time. He had his ups and downs -- a 5.68 ERA in April, for example -- but the man pitched almost 100 innings and gave up just 30 runs. He did not give away at-bats as he walked just sixteen, and he did not make big mistakes, as he allowed just 6 home runs. Hell, he only allowed 14 extra base hits. One could input those numbers into Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, and it would spit out an entry for relief ace, I am sure.

It is disheartening to me to see him struggle now, to see the latter-day Armando Benitez in Fernando Rodney outperform him. Sure, it is just a few games, but this seems like a completely different pitcher. He's still just 35 years old -- reasonably young. Does he see that he's going to earn one and a half million over the next two years, regardless of how he pitches, and not have that "middle-class enthusiasm" anymore? Or is he not physically capable of spotting that 91 mile an hour sinker like he could a few months ago? If last season never ended, would Joe Roa still be more like "The Pied Piper" and less like some guy with a six-letter name?

But we will probably never know. So I suppose it is simply time to adapt and figure out how we are going to get outs in the ninth inning, because the guy who could do that last year hasn't been able to do it two days in a row.

DET 6 CHW 4

WP: T. Tucker (1-0)
LP: J. Roa (0-1) his ninth inning itinerary - comebacker, single, walk of A. Beltre, two-run double into the right field corner by Junior Spivey, ground out, strikeout
S: F. Rodney (4)

Major Props to... Shea Hillenbrand, who may not be someone I'd want to spend more than five minutes with, but the ****** can hit. His tale is another cautionary one against looking at the previous year and immediately writing a man off just because his on-base percentage in 350 AAA at-bats was .296. Hillenbrand may swing at everything, but his career batting average in the bigs is .280 and he has extra-base power. He is seven for seventeen so far this season and though he could go oh-for his next forty-seven, I see no reason to think he will. On this team, that's plenty good for me.

Dude, you're only up to game 12? I would have thought you'd be further along than this. At this rate you'll catch up to Frank Thomas in age before this season is done.

[cknox0723]

Originally Posted by Mike D

Dude, you're only up to game 12? I would have thought you'd be further along than this. At this rate you'll catch up to Frank Thomas in age before this season is done.

you may just have a point there. but from my view, most leagues -- especially solo leagues -- die out real quick, usually because they can't hold a person's interest. i have had three ootp leagues that have lasted for a while, the common thread in all of them being that my team has sucked -- but also that i had a good idea of the entire league, not just my own team. apparently that's what i've got to do, so...that's what it'll be.

i suppose it would be easier to figure, "well, we're going to lose, why not just speed things up a bit?" but for now, i am enjoying this league, so may as well keep on it while it's still hot.

and frank thomas ain't that old! i mean, for one thing, so far as i know he don't need performance enhancers like a certain mr. palmeiro!

[cknox0723]

reliever michael wuertz of our crosstown rivals nabbed his third win of the season when 20 home run a year backstop david ross hit a well-timed, 3-run dong to complete a four-run bottom of the ninth comeback over the mets. seeing as wuertz has been credited with three wins despite appearing in only six games, some fictional talking heads are probably spinning. the praise is overdue for this 6'3" right-handed reliever; his history of getting batters in this universe is impeccable. in '04 and '05, it was 140 innings in triple-a with positive indicators everywhere -- low hit rates, low walk rates, high strikeout rates, few unearned runs. he had little trouble adapting to the bigs last season, getting his first shot at age 27 and posting a 2.36 earned run average in 76 frames. good teams are notorious for employing players like this for minimum wage, the sneaky bastages.

in the only game of the day where both decisions went to the team's closer, brian schmack of kansas city continued his brilliant start to 2007 with a scoreless inning and a third, and he got the win when greg norton and kevin mench hit non-consecutive home runs off of struggling cleveland fireman dave riske in the top of the tenth. this after scott eyre and fausto carmona frittered away a three-run lead in the top of the eighth by surrendering four consecutive two-out base hits. so much for cleveland's much-improved bullpen.

clint nageotte, the 26 year old rookie right-hander, picked up his second win of the season on the back of a quality start and seven runs of support from his 'mates. i'm sure last-place oakland's five errors had nothing to do with it.

think you had a bad day? brandon lyon of arizona came on in the tenth inning of a tie game with san francisco. jose cruz singled, neifi perez doubled, and edgardo alfonzo hit a ball a million feet of ****ing. hit the showers, kid, and enjoy your loss. lyon's had a few years in the bigs, so it's hard to pity the fool, but his earned run average after 5 appearances this year is 29.46, this after giving up a hundred and five hits in 84 innings last year. this is a man who could benefit from a knuckleball or, perhaps, a knuckle sandwich, just to put him out of his misery for a moment.

[cknox0723]

game xiii - det (7-4) @ chw (2-10)

last season: a hell of a win, and an interesting observation - jorge depaula's 8 inning, 1 run outing "represents the peak of his limited ability."" we won this one over cliff bartosh with consecutive eighth inning hits by buchanan, lugo, and young.

this one: b. perez (1-1, 2.93) vs. e. loaiza (1-1, 3.07)

I don't know what Beltran Perez's middle name is, but if it is Swackheimer, that means he has as many last names as pitches in his arsenal. He also tallied a 3.85 earned run average last season, which is about average in this world, but his control is not great, he doesn't strike many out, and he does not pitch to groundball contact. Throw all that together and even if he is just 25, my opinion is that he will be looking to change his name in a few years, because the fans in Detroit will want to pelt him with fruit. Surely we can push him a step in that direction?

After two quick outs in the top of the first, Esteban puts Pena and Rondell White on base, but it is just a temporary home as Reed Johnson lofts a high fly ball out to left that Frank Catalanotto bags to end the inning. "Swackheimer" gets a bunch of fly balls in the bottom of the inning, three of which are playable. But one of 'em ain't.

"Two outs in the bottom of the first, two balls and a strike to Ordonez. Perez with the wind and the offering is a fastball right out over the plate and Ordonez powders it to center field. Logan going back, at the track, at the wall, but that ball is long gone! The fourth home run of the year off the bat of Magglio Ordonez gives the White Sox a 1-0 lead!"

Loaiza gives up a one-out double to shortstop Adrian Beltre in the second, but gets a long fly out and then retires his opposing pitcher on a line out to third. But all the baserunners catch up to him in the next inning as Omar "L'Enfant" and Carlos Pena both hit balls where Ramon Vazquez is playing -- if the infield extended out 50 more feet. Rondell White walks and Reed Johnson hits a sacrifice fly out to the faux-Vazquez position. A crisis is only averted when third baseman Mike Hessman bounces one to our man at his position, Eric Munson, ending the inning.

And then Esteban starts the bottom of the frame by taking a mighty swing of vengeance and cracking a line drive past the statuesque Hessman and down into the left field corner. About ten seconds of running and a triumphant, unnecessary slide later, we have a Mexican jumping bean on second representing the lead run. Two batters later, Adam Kennedy brings him home with a base hit. Maggs flies out to shallow center for out number two, but Frank Catalanotto singles to keep the inning alive for number five man Raul Gonzalez, who's been befittingly quiet so far this year. He thumps a loud double off the top of the left field fence, and after Frank Thomas hits an at'em line drive, we leave the inning up three.

We leave the fourth inning ahead by the same margin, and I'm starting to feel real good when Nook Logan leads off the fifth by taking a close 1-2 pitch for strike three and then gets tossed after turning around and saying something unfathomable. After a ground ball out, Carlos Pena cracks his third single in five innings, but Rondell White goes down on strikes and things are looking up.