Northern League Baseball: A humorously depressing look 50 years into the future...

[Nunyer]

Philly Results

Columbus 9 - Philly 11 (10 innings)
Columbus 4 - Philly 9
Columbus 3 - Philly 4

Series Notes
We had the bases loaded, nobody out, top of the 10th, the heart of our order coming up... the 3, 4, 5 hitters. Strikeout, strikeout, infield fly. I hate this team with the fire of a thousand burning suns.

We trail Pittsburgh by three games in the wildcard. Cleveland is walking away with a ten game lead.

Up Next
I learn how to tamper with the brake lines on the team bus...

[Nunyer]

Buffalo Results
Buffalo 0 - Columbus 4
Buffalo 2 - Columbus 3
Buffalo 4 - Columbus 5 (12 innings)

Series Notes
Well, I'm not very mechanically inclined... so I never got around to that brake line project. Just as well I guess, we actually pulled out a sweep at home against a completely awful and inferior opponent! It was largely uninspired baseball, this team still doesn't remember how to hit. But we've managed to sneak back within one game of the wildcard.

Up Next...
The team bus makes it safely to Cleveland.... and if it doesn't... you don't know nuthin... this conversation never happened.

[Nunyer]

Cleveland Results
Columbus 5 - Cleveland 2
Columbus 3 - Cleveland 1 (10 innings)
Columbus 5 - Cleveland 6

Series Notes
The final game was a bummer, with Tim Hendricks blowing his third save of the year, giving up two runs in the bottom of the ninth. The starting pitching and bullpen pitched very well besides that, at least that part of our team has continued to play well. We managed exactly six hits in each of the three games, we haven't exactly been Murderer's Row lately.

Taking two of three has pulled us back into a tie with Pittsburgh for the wild card. Looking ahead at the schedule, Pittsburgh still has upcoming series against Philly and Cleveland, so hopefully they will stumble a bit over the last 15 games of the season. I'll have to apply that brake line project to the Cleveland team bus if we are going to have a chance to catch the Comrades for the division.

Coming up... the final 15 games...
vs Brooklyn
at Cincy
vs Detroit
vs Baltimore
at Rhode Island

Cincy and Rhode Island are not very good this year, Detroit and Baltimore are playing .500 ball, Brooklyn is seven games over .500 but basically out of the playoff picture.

[Nunyer]

Brooklyn Results
Brooklyn 5 - Columbus 0
Brooklyn 2 - Columbus 3 (10 innings)
Brooklyn 4 - Columbus 5

Series Notes
Columbus was dominated in a two-hit, complete game shutout by Brooklyn pitcher Alberto 'Pinto Beans' Delgardo. I can't complain too much about this one, Delgardo is having a season for the ages. He has a 2.49 ERA and has struck out 328 batters in 245 innings of work. The hard luck continues for Ruben Vega in the second game, seven innings, six strikeouts, one earned run... but he gets no decision. The struggling Jonathan Harris singles in the bottom of the 10th and then is driven home by a game-winning double from Francisco Pujols. Trailing by one run in the bottom of the ninth, Columbus needed more late inning heroics. The Hot Dogs deliver three singles and a walk to score twice for the win.

Cincy Results
Columbus 7 - Cincy 1
Columbus 0 - Cincy 4
Columbus 10 - Cincy 11

Series Notes
The first game of the series saw some Hot Dog history being made, as Armando Castilho blasts three home runs to tie the single game team record. Castilho is struggling with AVG and OBP, but he has hit 20 deep flies on the season. The second game of the series we were baffled all day by a mediocre triple A pitcher. We managed eight hits and only struck out twice, but couldn't push any runs home. The final game was a wild one. In the finale, before the bullpen guys could wake up from their pre-game naps, Jose Mendez had surrendered seven runs on seven hits in two innings of work. Thanks to our best offensive output in months, including a 5-for-5 with one walk performance from Kenny Phillips, the Hot Dogs carried a one run lead into the bottom of the 10th. Then highly paid free agent closer Jesus Vazquez blew his third consecutive save, his 7th on the season, giving up a walk off two run homer to lose the game. Vazquez is easily having the worst season of his pro career thanks to a dreadful second half.

Playoff watch
Cleveland also went 3-3 over their last six, they maintain their seven game lead in the division, they have dropped their magic number down to three.

The Pittsburgh Hardhats have hit their tough stretch against bad teams, going 1-5 against Washington and Richmond. We have a two game lead in the wildcard with nine left in the season. Pittsburgh next travels to Philly to play a very good Felon team. While Philly has already clinched their division, hopefully they'll give us a hand and won't let off the gas.

Up next...
Our final home stand of the season:
Three versus Detroit (78-75, 7-3 in last 10)
Three versus Baltimore (76-77, 5-5 in last 10)

[Nunyer]

Detroit Results
Detroit 1 - Columbus 5
Detroit 5 - Columbus 6 (11 innings)
Detroit 1 - Columbus 2

Series Notes
A big three game sweep when we needed it... Columbus now has a franchise record 90 wins for the year. In the first game, Ruben Vega gets some run support and improves to 12-9 on the season. The big lefty goes seven innings, striking out six and allowing one solo homer. Bill Clark had a strange start in the second game. He pitches six innings and strikes out nine Machine hitters, but also gives up 10 hits with four of them being home runs. The bullpen throws four innings of two hit, shutout baseball as the offense slowly crawled back into the game. After reserve outfielder Paul McWhirter drew a walk and stole second base, fellow reserve outfielder Joe Wells drives in the winning run with a base hit to the gap. The final game was a pitching duel, only eight combined hits by both teams, all of them singles. Closer Jesus Vazquez again looked shaky, walking the first two hitters before striking out three in a row to notch his 21st save of the season and first in almost a month.

Playoff Watch
Cleveland drops two of three to the woeful Grand Rapids Mammoths. Their magic number is two with six left to play. The have two good teams left on the schedule, first place Boston and the Pittsburgh Hardhats.

Speaking of Pittsburgh, they also drop two of three to the defending League Champs. We have a four game lead in the wildcard with six to play.

Up Next...
The final home series against Baltimore (78-78)
then it's the end of the regular season on the road in Rhode Island (70-86)

[Orcin]

Originally Posted by Nunyer

Columbus now has a franchise record 90 wins for the year.

(snip)

We have a four game lead in the wildcard with six to play.

Congrats!!!

Good luck in the final six.

[Nunyer]

Baltimore Results
Baltimore 4 - Columbus 3 (11 innings)
Baltimore 0 - Columbus 5
Baltimore 5 - Columbus 8

Series Notes
First game was rough, the bullpen was gassed and I was forced to bring in soon-to-be-trade-bait Silas 'Pep' Wright. He pitched well in the 10th, but gave up a home run and single to start the 11th that eventually led to the loss. Three pitchers combined for a two hit shutout in the second game, with Springfield callups Rich Audley and Craig Hayden closing out the game. Audley is a nine year NLB veteran and earned his second career save and first in eight years. Every Hot Dog in the lineup got at least one base hit in the final game. Suddenly hot reserve Joe Wells went 2-for-5 with a three run homer. Big Stud Vega improves to 13-9 in what should be his last action of the regular season.

Playoff Watch
Cleveland clinched the division, taking two of three at home from the playoff bound Boston Barons.

Pittsburgh swept the hapless Buffalo Soldiers to stay alive in the wild card. Then finish the season at home against the Comrades.

Up next...
As a bunch of dirty hippies once sang, one is lonliest number... and that's our magic number for the first playoff berth in franchise history. We travel to lovely Rhode Island looking to take care of business.

[Nunyer]

Rhode Island Results
Columbus 10 - Rhode Island 4 (wild card clinched! woot!)
Columbus 3 - Rhode Island 11
Columbus 6 - Rhode Island 7 (11 innings)

Series Notes
Didn't want to end the season on a two game skid, but we have clinched the first playoff appearance in team history! Aurelio Garza would not be denied in his final start of the regular season. He finished with a record of 16-8 and an ERA of 2.76. He pitches seven strong, allowing two runs and striking out 12. The second game Coach Summers didn't play hardly any regulars, and pitched nothing but triple A call ups. The third game, we started Springfield callup Rich Audley and he kept the team in the game. Ultimately, Timmy Hendricks blows his fifth save on the season, surrendering a solo home run and then allowing a game winning single after an error by Jonathan Harris put the winning run on second base.

Playoff Matchups
Boston Barons (90-72) at Cleveland Comrades (99-63)
Columbus Hot Dogs (93-69) at Philadelphia Felons (106-56)

Philly features the triple crown batting champ this season. Ernesto 'Pongo' Gomez went absolutely ape**** this year. Hitting .348 with 73 home runs and 197 RBI! (editor's note: this league almost always has one guy per season who goes for 60+ home runs with a .330+ average. I have no idea why... Pretty sure I set the stats up to mirror a time in the late 80s or early 90s before the start of the steroid, growing hat sizes, homer crazy era of baseball.)

Up Next...

• End of the Regular Season Recap
• Setting the playoff roster
• Getting violated by a dominant Philly team

[ukhotstove]

The Hot Dogs will take the Felons ifffffffffffff

Ottawan - D I S C O 1980 - YouTube

they played this at every game infact if they made everynight a D I S C O night

[Nunyer]

Thanks for that one UK, I'm getting together some screen shots for the end of season update and that darn song is bouncing around my brain, causing all kinds of damage and taking no prisoners... Pretty sure I just forgot my mother's maiden name... but I remember D I S C O...

[Nunyer]

The final look at the 2053 regular season



NOTES:

• Consider this the playoff roster update as well
• MR Pedro Campos is not on this screenshot for some reason. He will be on the playoff roster against Philly, we will carry 12 pitchers.
• Minor league SP Joe Bowen (due to being on the 60-day DL) and MR Kevin Ladner (due to being with the big club on 9/1) are the two playoff eligible players left off for the Philly series.
• 1B Mike Jackson, OF Mauro Moreno and OF Barry Summers are all on the DL. None of them were having a very good season before injury

Hot Dog Pitcher of the Year - Ruben 'Big Stud' Vega
Nicknamed 'Hard Luck' for much of the season, Vega should have been a 20 game winner. He received the lowest run support of the staff, less than 3.5 runs per start. Big Stud still managed to win 13 games, his 2.58 ERA was a career best. The 196 Ks, 1.13 WHIP and .223 OAVG are all the second best performances of his 12 season career. Vega turns 34 years old in December and he will be entering the final year of his contract.

Hot Dog Hitter of the Year - Rex 'The Shark' Scott
The big free agent prize for Columbus, Scott delivered exactly what was expected. He hit .307/.375/.571 and delivered 38 HR and 124 RBI. He did have a down year defensively, committing 13 errors. Coach Summers must have gotten into some bad peyote one of those days... as Scott also logged four innings at 2B.

Hot Dog Fielder of the Year - Don 'Tricky' Nixon
Nixon had a career worst year at the plate, but still turned in a stellar performance with the glove at the hot corner. He lead the league in fielding percentage, zone rating and defensive efficiency among all qualified third basemen.

[Nunyer]

Columbus seizes home field in first round
Hot Dogs dormant offense comes alive in 14-5 pounding of Philly
by Al Bumbry, YTGTESPN Staff Reporter
October 3rd, 2053

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- After roaring out to a 35-16 start over the first two months, it looked like fortunes had changed for the long mediocre Columbus Hot Dogs. Then as the season rolled on, the Dogs played largely uninspired baseball, not earning the wild card until the final few days of the regular season. It's the first playoff appearance in team history for Columbus, although not many fans or pundits gave them much shot against the powerhouse Philly Felons.

"Those guys scare the [expletive] out of me and I ain't ashamed to say it." said longtime Columbus manager Cody Summers. "They've won two in a row and you have to believe they are the favorites again this year. We think we can beat anybody in a seven game series, but the Felons are the real deal. There isn't a single easy out in the entire lineup."

That appeared to be prophetic early in Game 1. Columbus starter Ruben Vega was in trouble early. The first six hitters went: single, fly out, single, home run, home run, single. The rout appeared to be well under way, with only one Felon being retired. Vega would eventually surrender five runs over the first two innings.

Then the Columbus offense, which has been dormant for long stretches over the second half of the regular season, sprang to life in the third inning. Two walks and six singles pushed six runs across the board and knocked 17 game winner Ed 'Rachet' Davis out of the contest. Columbus went on to punish the Philly bullpen for six more runs over the final four innings. Vega meanwhile, settled down nicely, pitching five more innings without allowing another run. He gave way to reliever Earl Barnes for the 8th, who went on to pitch two innings of no-hit baseball to seal the victory.

"We needed to pickup Ratchet today after that tough inning, and we didn't do it." said Felon MVP Pongo Gomez, "Teams have punched us in the jaw before and usually that just gets us upset... then we pummel them, see them driven before us, hear the lamentations of their women... But today we rolled over. There is plenty of baseball left in this series, but our margin for error just disappeared."

Tomorrow night game two starts in Philly at 7pm before the series switches back to Columbus for games 3 through 5. Game two starters will be LHP Aurelio Garza for Columbus and RHP Raul Leon for Philadelphia. Garza was 16-8 with an ERA of 2.76. Leon went 21-8 with an ERA of 2.81

In the other divisional round, the Boston Barons take a 1-0 lead in the series with a 6-2 victory in Cleveland.

[Nunyer]

Felons knot up series as it heads back to Columbus
Philly has the hot offensive night in 10-5 victory
by Enos Cabell, YTGTESPN Staff Reporter
October 4th, 2053

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The Felons weren't about to head on the road for three games down two games to none. Philadelphia's offense was hitting on al cylinders as the Felons bang out 13 hits and 10 runs to even the series. Columbus starter Aurelio Garza managed to tread water for the first six innings, but got into trouble in the seventh and had already allowed a run and had the bases loaded before Coach Summers called for the bullpen.

"That was my fault, I fell asleep at the wheel," said Summers after the game. "I should have had somebody up in the bullpen in the sixth inning. When I realized I needed to get Garza out of there, I realized nobody was warming up. I've been managing for a long time, but that is embarrassing."

The lack of timely relief for Garza probably didn't matter much on this night. The Felons promptly greeted pitcher Kevin Pierce by driving home all of his inherited runners and then adding two home runs and three more runs scored over the next two innings. The Hot Dogs managed to add four runs in the 8th and 9th innings against the suddenly soft Philly bullpen. That made the scoreboard a little more respectable, but this was the Felons night.

"You don't locate your pitches, they make you pay." said Garza, "Even when I made my pitches, they laid off and drew walks. They are tough to beat when they don't make mistakes."

The series now switches back to Columbus for the first three playoff games in franchise history. The Hot Dogs have not announced their starter for game three, it is believed to be Joe Davis, who pitched well in his only appearance against the Felons this year. He went seven innings and allowed only two runs. Philly will counter with Daniel Hilliard, who dominated the regular season. The 6'5" lefty finished with a record of 27-2 and a microscopic 1.66 ERA.

[ukhotstove]

Originally Posted by Nunyer

Thanks for that one UK, I'm getting together some screen shots for the end of season update and that darn song is bouncing around my brain, causing all kinds of damage and taking no prisoners... Pretty sure I just forgot my mother's maiden name... but I remember D I S C O...

Not my fault the hot dog screams disco


I'm thinking 7th inning stretch music.

Game 3

Ottawan D.I.S.C.O - YouTube

Game 4

The Trammps Disco Inferno - YouTube

Game 5

Candi Staton - Young Hearts Run Free 1976. - YouTube

With "Disco Dog" dancing on the dugout roof

[Nunyer]

Columbus steals 2-1 series lead in 12 innings
Costly Felon miscues cost them late
by Pat Tabler, YTGTESPN Staff Reporter
October 6th, 2053

COLUMBUS, OH -- On a hunch, Hot Dog manager Cody Summers gave the Game 3 start in the NLB Divisional Round to right hander Joe Davis. This move was questioned by many, as Davis had the most losses and highest ERA in the regular season among all Hot Dogs starters.

"Damn, that's why they pay me the big bucks," said Summers, "I need to put my balls in a sling in these situations and hope it works out. I think I did alright tonight. The Felons had all kinds of trouble with Joe's slider the last time he faced them."

At first, the move didn't appear to be working out, as Davis surrendered a two-run, first inning home run to Pongo Gomez. The 25 year old would settle down after that, pitching an additional 5.1 innings only giving up one more run and striking out five. Even more impressive was the work of left handed reliever Jose Aurillo. Working for three innings against a lineup dominated by left handed hitters, Aurillo allowed no hits and no runs while striking out five. "Jose was stellar tonight," said Davis after the game, "I kept us in this thing, but he gave us the chance to win it."

A solo home run in the 4th inning by Jeffrey Young put Columbus on the board. Then in the 5th, with Kane Green on second and German Campos on first, Summers called for the double steal. The throw from Philly catcher Marty Guillen sailed into left field allowing Green to score. In the bottom of the ninth inning, with Columbus trailing 3-2, Rex Scott took a hanging slider from Philly closer Ken Holland and put it over the right center wall to tie the game.

Right hander Pedro Campos had relieved Aurillo in the top of the 10th and continued the dominance from the Columbus pen. Allowing no base runners in just under three innings of work. The Dogs threatened in the 10th, getting two runners on with two outs, but could not bring home the winning run. Finally in the bottom of the 12th, Kane Green wound up on second base after a throwing error by Philly third baseman Tom Skewes, A sacrifice bunt moved him to third. After an intentional walk to setup the double play, Philly pitcher Jamie Payne threw a pickoff into the dirt and it squirted into foul territory. Green hustled in from third and the game was over.

The Hot Dogs remain in position to close out this series at home. Columbus should be sending right hander Jose Mendez to the bump for game three. Philly is playing it's cards closer to the vest. Manager John Jacobs hinting that Game 1 starter Ed 'Ratchet' Davis might start on short rest.

Around the league
After losing game one, Cleveland has allowed only a single run over the last 18 innings and have opened a 2-1 lead over Boston.

[Nunyer]

GM Journal

Well, I am very happy with our performance through three games. The long stagnant offense coming out in game one has really set the tone. This team believes it can go all the way after doubting itself for much of the second half. We aren't going to hold down this Philly offense every night, but I think we can do it four times out of seven if it comes down to that.

Jonathan Harris and Jeffrey Young have shaken off their late season slumps and are hitting with authority. Harris is 6-for-14 with 3 RBI, Young is 5-for-14 with 2HR and 4 RBI. Kane Green went 0-for-4 in his post season debut, but reached via walk and a fielder's choice and made things happen on the bases. He stole one base and scored two critical runs, including the game winner. He will likely start the rest of the way at 3B, especially against LHP. Beyond his normally stout defense, Don Nixon hasn't done much to make me want to keep him around for next season.

The bullpen has been very strong, giving up three runs in 9.1 innings. Considering all three of those runs were given up by Kevin Pierce during the game two beat down, the rest of the guys have been perfect. We'll need that to hold up.

Two more games at home with a chance to advance... gotta love it.

[Nunyer]

Two time champs facing elimination
Felons pitching roughed up again in 17-5 blow out
by Johnny Grubb, YTGTESPN Staff Reporter
October 7th, 2053

COLUMBUS, OH -- Pitching Ed 'Ratchet' Davis on short rest might not have been the best idea from Philadelphia manager John Jacobs. Much like in the first game of the series, the Hot Dogs had Ratchet's number and chased him early. Davis was abused for eight hits and seven runs in less than two innings and the blow out was under way.

"Man, Columbus got hot at the right time... we watched film on these guys and they hadn't been swinging the bats well for months. But damn... that's twice they made me their bitch. I don't like being a bitch." said a dejected Davis after the game. Columbus continued to hurt the Felon bullpen, putting up 10 more runs the rest of the way. Columbus starter Jose Mendez lasted 5.1 innings, giving up two runs and striking out seven hitters. Big nights were had up and down the Hot Dog batting order. Rex Scott went 5-for-6 with 5RBI, Wilson Flores went 3-for-6 with 6RBI. Jeffrey Young added a three run home run, his third of this series.

"Sometimes you wake up the sleeping giant," said Philly skipper Jacobs, "They are playing good baseball. All we can do now is survive tomorrow and bring this back to Philadelphia." When asked about whether he second guessed his decision to start Davis on short rest, Jacobs responded, "Well, the results sort of speak for themselves.... But I'll be sending Raul Leon out there on short rest tomorrow... so you can start calling me an idiot all over again."

Columbus will counter in game four with a fully rested Ruben Vega, looking to close out the series in front of the home crowd. "These fans have waited so long... I've waited so long, being with this team since the beginning... we want to give them something to remember tomorrow night." said Vega.

In that other series...
Cleveland pitcher Stuart David throws a complete game four hitter, as the Comrades shut out Boston for the second consecutive night with a score of 7-0. Cleveland now leads the series three games to one.

[Nunyer]

Columbus can't close at home, series shifts to Philly
Felons bullpen picks up injured starter, wins 5-2
by Franklin Stubbs, YTGTESPN Staff Reporter
October 8th, 2053

COLUMBUS, OH -- The Felons scratch out a win and send the series back to the city of brotherly love after the bullpen gives up two run over eight and a third innings of work. Philadelphia manager John Jacobs decided against starting Raul Leon on short rest, instead going with righty Peter Cooper. The 15 game winner lasted all of 15 pitches before an apparent elbow injury forced him from the game. The diagnosis is not complete, but he is not expected to pitch again this postseason.

Columbus out hit Philadelphia nine to eight, but could only push across two runs, including the third home run in the series from Rex Scott. Hot Dog starter Ruben Vega was inconsistent, having a hard time finding the strike zone and arguing with the home plate umpire on more than one occasion. He lasted five innings, giving up three runs, two earned, on six hits. He walked six and struck out eight. Reliever Kevin Pierce pitched well over four innings, his only mistake was a two run homer surrendered in the top of the ninth. Coach Summers took responsibility for the loss.

"We had a chance to win this game, Pierce pitched his damn heart out for a long time... I shouldn't have hung him out to dry like that. We go into the bottom of ninth down by one run... it could have been a different ballgame."

Now the series switches back to Philadelphia for game six. Columbus will start Aurelio Garza, who was tagged for 10 hits and 7 earned runs and took the game two loss. Philly also brings back the game two starter, Raul Leon, who pitched into the eighth giving up four runs in the eventual 10-5 Felon victory.

Is anybody even watching that other series? It's like all the press is coverage is... oh nevermind...
Boston stays alive and forces a game six, beating the Comrades 4-3.

[Nunyer]

Columbus advances to first NLB Championship in franchise history
Hot Dogs knock off Felons 5-2 to win series in six.
by Kent Tekulve, YTGTESPN Staff Reporter
October 10th, 2053

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- In only his second full season in the NLB, Columbus starter Aurelio Garza already has had some bad playoff memories. As a member of the Pittsburgh Hardhats last season, he watched this same Philadelphia team send him home after rallying back from a 3-1 series deficit. He wasn't interested in history repeating itself.

"Man, [expletive] that! I wasn't about to go out that way again. Somebody had to put these guys in their place, they weren't making some crazy comeback against my team two years in a row. If I had to pull a Last Boy Scout routine and start capping guys in the on-deck circle... that's what was going to happen." said Garza.

Thankfully it didn't come to that, because very few people in 2053 remember a 70 year old cop movie starring Bruce Willis and a Wayans brother. Garza needed everything in his bag of tricks, short of concealed handguns, to keep the Felons batters off balance. The rotund lefty needed 112 pitches to make it into the sixth inning, but left the game with a 3-2 lead. His only rough patch happened in the second inning, when he walked to first two batters before giving up a bases clearing double.

The Hot Dog bullpen took over the game from there. Timmy Hendricks, Jose Aurillo and Pedro Campos combined to hold Philly scoreless for the remaining 3.2 innings, giving up one hit and striking out four. The Columbus offense relied on the long ball, scoring four of their five runs on three home runs. Francisco Pujols, who only hit one home run in over 425 regular season at-bats, started the Hot Dog scoring with a two-run shot in the third inning. Rex Scott and Armando Castilho would later add solo shots. Scott finsihed the series with four home runs and 10RBI on 14-for-28 hitting.

Philadelphia came into the series as two-time defending champions and were heavily favored. They have the highest payroll in the league at over $25.5 million. They outspend Columbus on player salaries by almost $10 million.

Columbus will move along to face the Cleveland Comrades in the NLB Championship Series. The Comrades beat Boston 2-1 to also advance in six games. This is the second consecutive trip to the championship for Cleveland. Last season, they fell behind 3-0 to the Felons but eventually pushed the series to the full seven games before coming up short.

[Orcin]

Woohoo! Good luck in the championship series.