Mage League Bloodball

[hawaiiansky]

Thirstday – Aghast 13, 2601

New Ork, New Ork

Travel Day

The down-but-not-out (yet) Daggers left Brokenlymb for the trek up to Yankneck Stadium. On the way in an attempt to raise their flagging spirits, the whole team sang their own inspired rendition of a City musical legend – “New Ork, New Ork: “

“Start shouting the news, I’m leaving today
I want to take it apart - New Ork, New Ork
These Daggers, are longing to slice
Right through the very heart of it - New Ork,
New Ork

I wanna shake up that city, that doesn’t weep
And find I’m king of the kill - top of the creeps

These little dull knives, I’m scraping away
I’ll make a sharp new edge on it - in old New
Ork
If I can gut ‘em there, I’ll cut’em anywhere
It’s up to me in New Ork, New Ork”

[hawaiiansky]

Friesday – Aghast 14, 2601

New Ork, New Ork

Game # 3

Gnome Dead Barberik, the Yankneck announcer, squeeked into his psychike, “Howdy, fans this is gonna be a real melee today. That Whambama country-boy, Redush Bladeshaman, is on the flinging mound ready to fling some corn kernels at those pesky Daggers.”

In a repeat of Game 1, Bladeshaman (1-0) for the Yanknecks took on Icehammer (0-1) of the Daggers. A huge throng, nearly 69 thousand, many from Brokenlymb, had wedged their way through the ticket booths to enter Yankneck Stadium. Barberik remarked, “There’s more critters in the stands than that tycoon Duncehead Grump has greenskins!”

2b Grandsmiter singled down hurt leading off in the 1st followed by an error by 3B Godscut on Deepdigger’s grasstrimmer. Bladeshaman struck out Gravelshard swinging, but he gave up a ribeye single to Warbreaker and Copperpick before settling down. The Daggers took an early lead 1-0. In the top of the 2nd, Icehammer’s assault & battery mate, Goldpick, hammered a Bladeshman-fireball 394’ into the elfield stands, 2-0 Daggers.

SP Icehammer retired the first 5 Neck clubbers before Earthbellows singled in the 2nd and Godscut walked on four straight flings. Fortunately Stonedrill lanced a shot to Grandsmiter who grabbed it in his greasy claws.

Bladeshman got into another peanut butter & jam in the 3rd when there were two Daggers lurking on base. Godscut was up again but Bladeshaman blew him away in four flings. The 4th wasn’t easy for the Triple Crown winner either as once again the Daggers threatened but stranded two when Warbreaker fowled out. In the 5th, the Daggers got their third run on the scoreboard on a two-out clutch single by Bladeshaman’s nemesis, Goldpick, 3-0 Daggers.

Spill Razzlesnoot was in the announcer’s booth when New Orker Earthbellows lifted a long drive to elfield in the bottom of the 5th. ”Holy crap! That ball is outta here! It’s into the stands…wait, it dropped in …wind must’ve held it up!” Earthbellows sped into sockem base and sneaked around to score on two groundhogs. 3-1 Daggers.

Yankneck reliever Hillsmasher took the mound in the 8th and survived a jam himself that inning and flung a scoreless 9th. But the real story of the day was SP Icehammer who allowed just four hits, struck out six and walked but one. He blanked the Necks the last four innings and mowed down the last 8 clubbers in a row. Grabber Goldpick shook claws with Icehammer and the jubilant Daggers celebrated on the field.

The Daggers were back in the Series, still trailing 2-1.

[hawaiiansky]

Satyrday – Aghast 15, 2601

New Ork, New Ork

Game # 4

The clerics insist that the mager league games on Earthe are merely a reflection of the heavenly duels between Bruthe, the God of Clout, and Cyung, the God of Fling, and their fellow godlings. Whatever … sixty-nine thousand bloodball fans being mere mortals and having their minds clouded by drafts of Borderline Beer & Ale, instead concentrated on the Weird Series on solid ground at Yankneck Stadium in the Honkx this weekend.

The first two innings were a piece of grubcake as second-game flingers New Ork SP Pittracker and Dagger SP Crystalcutter faced each other again and both drew circles on the scoreboard. In the top of the turd inning, that annoyance, Grandsmiter, singled and, as is his way, stole sockem base. Deepdigger’s fly to wight dropped in like bird poop and Grandsmiter scurried home like a water rat – his ludicrous legs moving so fast no sling was attempted to get him. The Daggers had a slim 1-0 lead. In the bottom half, Yankneck Dragonslayer led off with a double but died on hurt base like a dried-out dung beetle.

Ticob, another god of clubbing and racing, must have given the Daggers his blessings in the 4^th. Four straight clubbers singled off Pittracker, the fourth by C Goldpick drove in two with the bases loaded with odious Orcs.3-0 Daggers. Seemed like a replay of Friesday’s victory. Not to be outdone, Bruthe lent New Ork’s Ling Mountainpacer his club and the fist baseman slugged a 398’ homer to elfield. The Necks were on the scoreboard. 3-1 Daggers.

Gravelshard relentlessly smacked that bloodball singling to start the 5^th. Continuing to play small bloodball, Gravelshard stole sockem and Copperpick doubled him home. The Daggers increased their lead 4-1. Stonedrill’s two-out single in the 6^th brought in New Ork’s second run narrowing the score, 4-2 Daggers.

After the 7^th inning stretch – pulling a drunken Halfling apart who had wandered onto the field, the bloodball trickster god decided to get into the action. The Yanknecks had enough of Gravelshard apparently, and Pittracker flung a thunderball right at his foot taking him out of action for the game. Redbellows became the punch-runner and was ceremoniously belted in the right shoulder as is the custom by fist baseman Mountainpacer. Redbellows was racing – he stole sockem and then hurt base! He scored on a double slay ball. The Daggers were up by three, 5-2. The Necks got a run on a double by Mancrusher, 5-3 Daggers.

Into the nerve-racking 9^th and the Daggers were confident that they could even the Series. Surprisingly Crystalcutter was not pulled for a reliever. Even the Dagger bullpen hurlers wondered why they weren’t being called in. On a 1-1 fling, Dragonhammer got hold of one and blasted it 460’ deep into the elfield stands! 5-4 Daggers. Brute smiled above. Smell Gallonjug announced, “There goes another Borderline Blast!” raised his beer bottle and took a long swig. Quarryminer and Monstender were gotten out, and the Yanknecks were down to their last out. Screaming and deranged Brokenlymb fans in the stands chanted ”Slums! Slums!” urging on their beloved bloodball heroes. The silent and worried Yankneck fans squirmed in their seats their claws digging into the necks of the fans seated in front of them.

Prayerbronze, 0-4 so far against Crystalcutter, crossbolted a single just beyond the grasping claws of the shirtstop, Deepdigger, and the Necks had the tying run on fist. Crystalcutter was careful with Darin Giantkiller who watched the first two flings pass him for balls. Giantkiller was given the greenskin light and fowled off the next two flings. 2-2 count, two outs. Crystalcutter shook off the first two hex signs by grabber Goldpick, challenged Giantkiller with a fireball, and Giantkiller sent that speedball deep into the elfield . Smell Gallonjug nearly fell off his chair in the bloodcaster’s booth. “That bloodball is going, going, gone!” Galllonjug upended his beer bottle and drained it! “How about dat dinger!,” he screeched. A 459 foot homer. The Yanknecks had rallied to beat Brokenlymb 6-5!

Bruthe, the God of Clout, was ecstatic and accepted the twin homers in the 9^th as his rightful sacrifice. Not so the Daggers. They were one fling away from tying up the Series. With the loss, Brokenlymb was down 3-1 in games and had their ugly greenskin backs to the urinal. Stunday’s fifth game was a must win or it would be a long spiteful winter in Spatbush.

[hawaiiansky]

Aghast 15, 2601

The New Ork Deadly News (late edition)

By Thrill Gallows (sportscribe)

The New Ork Yanknecks slammed three skyrocket homeruns to take one way from the Brokenlymb Daggers in the bottom of the 9^th, 6-5. In tribute to those mighty dingers, I’ve written me a little melody:

These Clubs Were Made for Bashing

You keep saying you've got something over us.
something you call clubbing, but confess.
You've been missin’ where you shouldn't have been a clubbin’
and now someone else is stoppin’ all your best.

These clubs are made for bashing, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these clubs are gonna bash all into you.

You keep losin’, when you oughta be winnin’
and you keep losin' when you oughta not lose.
You keep whiffin’ when you oughta be clubbin’.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

These clubs are made for smashing, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these clubs are gonna smash all over you.

You keep flingin’ where you shouldn't be puttin’
and you keep thinkin' that you´ll never get binged.
Ha! We just found us a brand new set of clubs yeah
and what you know you ain't HAD time to fling.

Are you ready clubs? Start bashin’!

[hawaiiansky]

Satyrday - Aghast 15, 2601

The New Ork Ghost

The Brokenlymb Daggers not only are down 3-1 in the Weird Series, but now report that Falling Star CF Tegdush Gravelshard who had been clubbing .375 in the Series and 2B Predush Grandsmiter (.313) have both been sidelined with injuries and are finished for the rest of the games!

Gravelshard was hit by a fling by Pittracker and suffered a fracture in his foot while Grandsmiter hurt his arm slinging a bloodball in today’s game.

Eroil Redbellows (.328 in the season) will play centaur field and Preli Bloodbeard will be scooping bloodballs out of the dust at sockem base tomorrow.

The Daggers are certainly the underdogs in the Series (if not already half buried in a bloodball pet cemetery as far as their chances of pulling a victory off is concerned).

[hawaiiansky]

Stunday – Aghast 16, 2601

New Ork, New Ork

Game # 5

“Howdy! What a beautiful day for bashing the bloodball!,” piped Dead Barberik, the Yankneck announcer. The Yanknecks went with Erang Quarryslasher (4-4, 5.42 ERA) as their pick for their game 5 starter. Probably it was to give their exhausted acehole Bladeshaman an extra day’s rest. Making his first appearance in the Weird Series, Groishnak Mountainstein (15-8) flung for the Daggers.

In the 1^st, Quarryslasher walked leadoff clubber Doomsmasher, and Deepdigger singled to fist base with Quarryslasher rambling into hurt. Two aboard, none out. Warbreaker struck out followed by a lance caught in elfield and a popup to hurt. No score. The Necks threatened in the bottom of the inning when Deathsmiter’s two out single had Kragpick trying for home, but centaurfielder Redbellows nailed Kragpick’s coffin and the threat was over.

Bottom of the 2^nd. Two out singles by Godscut and Stonedrill were wasted as Quarryslasher struck out on a full vampire count.

Mountainstein and Doomsmasher singled to start the 3^rd but dumbstruck Deepdigger hit into a dwarf seamstress-made double slay, and Warbreaker crossbolted out to centaur.

Mountainstein struck out the first two New Ork clubbers in the bottom of the 3rd. Minedigger beat the stuffing out of the bloodball and got an injuryfield hit. An annoyed Mountainstein flung a wild turkey in response and Minedigger breezed into sockem base. Then Deathsmiter clubbed a flybloodball to centaur that dropped in and got past Warbreaker. Minedigger pounded the race paths and slid into home beating Warbreaker’s sling! 1-0 Yanknecks.

The 4^th and 5^th were as empty of action as the workings in a Troll’s brain. Still 1-0 New Ork. Smell Gallonjug exclaimed, “My, oh my, these bloodballers out here today seem more like slugs than sluggers!”

Quarryslasher got into a races-loaded jar of jam in the top of the 6^th walking Dagger Bloodbeard after Copperpick and Shalefinder both singled. Bearing (or Orking) down, Quarryslasher whiffed Redbellows on three straight flings with the fumbling Dagger centaurfielder staring blankly into space for a few moments after everyone had left the field. “Someone oughta tell that onerous Ork he’s outta there,” smirked sportsmouth Gallonjug.

Mountainstein got the Yanknecks out in disorder 1-2-3 in the 6^th as did Quarryslasher in the top of the 7^th. The silver hook was displayed and a tired Mountainstein (that weakling) was replaced by rightclawer Fagak Glaivehunter in the 7^th. Stonedrill drilled his first fling into centaur for a stand-up double. Mancrusher lanced a single to wight and there were racers on the corners with none away. Kragpick singled through shirt. 2-0 New Ork. The New Ork fans went wild screaming, and a riot appeared imminent.

Not to be outdone, Glaivehunter gave a free ticket to the theater on four straight balls. Bases loaded! After mild MInedigger popped to the shirtstop, the ever-dangerous Deathsmiter was walked on four flings making it 3-0 Necks. Only one down and Warbreaker speared a single to wight and the Necks led 4-0. Earthbellows groundhogged into an inning-ending double slay to end the scoring. “Holy Cow Crap! What a walloping good time for the Necks,” squeaked the tiny Gnome announcer, Smell Razzlesnoot.

The depressed Daggers were cut down 1-2-3 on nine flings by Quarryslasher in the 8^th. Glaivehunter got himself into another races-loaded jam before retiring Minedigger in the bottom of the inning.

The 9^th- the last ups for Brokenlymb. They figured they had a chance when Deatharmor relieved Quarryslasher. Shalefinder flew out to wight. One away. Flamefighter, who had been stench-benced nearly the whole Series despite clubbing .337 for the season, punch-hit and struck out swinging. Two down. The Yankneck fans pounded their feet in the stands and shouted out obscenities at the beleaguered Daggers. Redbellows was their last clubber. He took a ball, fowled back the next two flings by Deatharmor, and then struck out swinging too on a fireball. The Yanknecks had won the Weird Series, 4 games to 1!

Grabber Warbreaker ran to the burial mound nearly crushing Deatharmor in his embrace; the rest of the Yankneck team rushed out en masse to the diamond forming one moving mob of celebrating greenskins. New Ork fans climbed over the fences and caroused in the field stomping out the life of every blade of grass.

The Daggers sat glumly in their dugout not believing that the end had come. Disappointed Dagger fans pelted their dugout roof with bottles, cans and other garbage to remind them of their failure. That litte twirp, Spill Razzlesnoot, was so excited he screamed, "Holy Cow Crap!" and tumbled out of his announcer's chair in hysteria.

The New Ork Yanknecks were the Mage League Bloodball’s 2601 Weird Series Champions!

[hawaiiansky]

The New Ork Crymes

Munchday – Aghast 17, 2601

At City Hall in the “Rotten Apple,” the MLB triple crown was presented to its winner. A troll picked up the diminutive Mayor of New Ork Gloomsurge by his collar, so that the midget could place each of the three crowns on the waiting head of Yankneck starter Redush Bladeshaman.

It was quite embarrassing for Bladeshaman to wear three separate gold crowns – one drooped over each ear and a third perched awkwardly and precariously on top of his head. The crowd of exuberant fans and onlookers grunted, applauded and whooped it up while a few disgruntled Dagger fans booed, hissed and sulked.

Bladeshaman deserved the recognition. According to Sports Mutilated, the Neck acehole was the leader in the following "lucky 13" statistical areas in the Hysterikan League:

ERA 1.99
WINS - 18
Strikeouts - 199
Innings Flung - 230.1
Shutouts - 3
VORP - 83.7
Hits per 9IP - 7.35 H/9
HR per 9IP - 0.20 HR/9
K per 9IP - 7.78 K/9
K per BB - 3.98 K/BB
Opponents Average - .223 OAVG
Walks + Hits per IP – 1.03 WHIP
Fielding Independent Pitch – 2.41 FIP

[hawaiiansky]

Winesday - Sleepender 1, 2601

Whooperstown, New Ork

The 2601 Grab Wizard Award ceremony was held today at Whooperstown, New Ork the site of the future Hall Full of Shame. The MBL Commissioner had reluctantly cancelled his personal plans in order to take the 6:40 dragonflight out of La Discordia to fly north and present the covetous Grasping Bloodballs Trophy to the best fielders in Bloodball.

Consequently, Comm. KenIsee-mountain Landlost devised a rather nasty ritual in revenge. He told the gathered inuryfielders and out-of-this-world fielders (outfielders, for short) that he had placed several trophies in an adjacent room, but not enough for all. “If you want one of those gold trophies, you’ll need to fight for it!,” he cackled.

Once the bloodballers had entered the room, the Commissioner pulled the plug on the eelectrick lighting and the room was plunged into darkness. In the pitch dark, the rabid gathering of Orcs, Dwarfs, Ogres and the rest of this mangy crew fought fang and claw to locate, grasp and carry out one of the rare treasures. The task was made more difficult by an oily and slippery floor that was littered with a nefarious collection of hazards including caltrops and scorpions.

After a cacophonous thirty minutes, each and every one of the winners emerged bloodied, bruised and beaten with a trophy in hand! There had been a sufficient number of Grasping Bloodballs Trophies after all. The angered assemblage sought out the sly Commissioner, but he had already returned to the Rotten Apple on his trusted dragon steed.

Here is a list of the battered, I mean, the best fielders of 2601 in Mage League Bloodball!

The Hysterikan League



The Irrational League

[Celtic Forever]

"eelectrick lighting" ?? Oh, you are in fine form my friend. Well done!

[tylertoo]

Glad to see your dynasty back! We'll be following .

[hawaiiansky]

“Fangs of New Ork” (flashes across the hellevision screen)

Clothed in New Ork Yankneck uniforms, one vicious gang swinging Bloodball clubs begins to run across the Brokenlymb Bridge from Manfatten Island; another murderous gang in Brokenlymb Dagger uniforms raises theirs above their heads, raise a cheer and hurry across the other end from Spatbush.

By the time they reach the middle both gangs of Orcs are panting heavily, sweat pours out of their greenskins, horrid-looking tongues hang limp from their ugly, jutting jaws, drool from their open mouths drenches the steaming hot pavement of the bridge…

The Orcs stop in their tracks when they notice a Killer Low Life Beer wagon filled with kegs is stopped in the middle…

The gnome driver carefully draws two mugs of the frosty brew, approaches the two Weird Series teams and hands one to each leader – Flingers of the Year 2601-Dagger Pekor Cystalcutter (18-7, 2.73 ERA,110 K) for the Irrational League and Yankneck Redush Bladeshaman (18-5, 1.99 ERA, 199 K) for the Hyterikan League - Both drop their clubs and swallow the contents in mighty gulps… (seconds pass in the sudden silence)

They smile broadly … then they pick up their clubs and lash out at each other without mercy! The other gang members join in and a savage melee between the Orcs furiously takes place.

...................KILLER LOW LIFE,THE CHAMPS’ BEER OF PAIN!....................




(This con-mercial has been brought to you by the Killer Low Life Brewery.)

[hawaiiansky]

Sleepender 1, 2601

Killerelfia, Painsylvania

“It’s an unusually cool night here as I stand steadfast before you in front of Sindepedence Hall in Killerelfia, the City of the Bloody Glove."

"This is Blowhard Coldspell for ABC, the Academics Bloodball Collegium, and I have the humble honor to fill your ears nightly with the best, bombastic Bloodball bull and blab you’ll ever have the pleasure to treasure. So prick up those pointy ears, Bloodball fans!."

"Tonight, right here, at this momentous moment, I’d like to introduce you to a TOWER of a half-man … a CROWN PRINCE of the club… the RUNT among all runts … the shirtstop for the Killerelfia Fatlickers and the Hysterikan Leagues’s Clubber of the Year, Winylla Rumbleby!”

“Hey, Blowhard,” spat out Rumbleby along with a gob of porkchew on Coldspell’s shoe.

“You had a terrific season Winylla…clubbing .321, 106 hits, and 19 homeruns … a sumptuous set of stats for a squirt!”

“Scored 56 runs too. The only running you do is with your mouth…,” quipped the Fatlicker bloodballer.

“So there you have it. I yell it like it is. This is Blowhard Coldspell saying good night.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BREAKING BALLS NEWS: Tegdush Gravelshard the centaur fielder for the Brokenlymb Daggers won the Irrational League Clubber of the Year Award for the 2601 season. He clubbed .314, smashed 99 hits with 31 homers and 74 rib-eyes.

[hawaiiansky]

Satyrday-Aghast 29, 2601

Quikargo, Killnoise

At the Helltown Hotel in Quikargo, the Bloodball Scribewriters of Hysterika (popularly known as BS for short) voted for the 2601 Newblood of the Year Awards for the top greenhorns of mager league bloodball earlier today.

Now this cantankerous but colorful collection of word-growers are known for their rapid scribbling and not for their decision-making. The inaugural season made the selection particularly troublesome since nearly all bloodballers were newbloods!

Unable to merely put a check mark on a list next to two bloodballers –one from a list of Hysterikan League candidates and another for the Irrational League - they turned in impassioned ballots of essay-length verbiage in which they promoted their favorites…and then the thirty or so Bloodball enthusiasts had to read and respond in writing and so on and so forth.

Hours passed, rivers of ink spilled, eyes blurred, and fingers stiffened as the scribewriters honed their argumentative writing skills.

Meanwhile the BS’s first president, Thrill Gallows of The New Ork Deadly News, was fed up with the voting word jam. He picked his own personal preferences from the league lists: the Hysterikan League’s Gemir Lakedeer, shirtstop of the Slashington Gnashnails (.270, 24 HR, 76 RBI) and the Irrational League’s Tokar Warbreaker, elf fielder of the Brokenlymb Daggers (.311, 26 HR. 61 RBI).

While Gallows released the names of the two Newbloods of the Year to the various bloodcasting providers, the rest of the BSers continued to be embroiled in their word wars with no end in sight.

[Celtic Forever]

Awesome. You should submit this stuff to the GW guys - you'd probably find yourself with a sweet new job! If you don't work for them already, of course ...

[hawaiiansky]

Originally Posted by Celtic Forever

Awesome. You should submit this stuff to the GW guys - you'd probably find yourself with a sweet new job! If you don't work for them already, of course ...

I see it all now... Bloodball: The Board Game, the miniature figure line, expansion rule booklets...MLB: Bloodball for the PC! ... Bloodball the Movie!.... $$$$$$ ...Whoops, Bloodball the Reality Check!

Mike

[hawaiiansky]

An ABC on the Spider Web Report

Stunday - Aghast 30, 2601

“Yankneck Stadium in the Honkx: Orcs Get Their Torcs”

In the Honkx, it was a special time this afternoon in Yankneck Stadium as the winners of the 2601 Weird Series received their Weird Series “rings” around the collar so to speak. The gathered Yankneck fans had brought their ubiquitous battlebugles and raised the roof of the stadium with their ear-shattering honks!

Dwarf silversmiths of Union Yokel # 442 were on hand to fashion the “rings” in blazing silver and to bend the still flexible torcs around each thick, meaty, sickly-green neck of the New Orc Yankneck bloodballers.

Emblazoned on each of these Weird Series “rings” were the immortal words, “One ring to rule all the fallen!”

The Necks’ manager, Halfling Roidoc Newbur, was also presented with the Hysterikan League’s 2601 Bloodball Manager of the Year Award. Belittling the size of the winner, many cruel and sarcastic Neck fans (along with some of his own gruff bloodballers) yelled out that he should be called “Half-manager of the Year.”

Pint-sized skipper Newbur piloted the Yanknecks to a 72-40 mark in the regular season, 6 games in front of the Bosstown Red Pox, and then copped the season with a 4-1 victory over their cross-river rivals, the Brokenlymb Daggers in the 2601 Weird Series.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BREAKING BALLS NEWS: Boippi Jumpsholm, another half-wit and Manager of the Brokenlymb Daggers won the Irrational League Manager of the Year Award for the 2601 season. His Dagger club went 74-38 in the season before the blunted Daggers fell miserably to their hated Yankneck foes in the Weird Series.

(© The Academic Bloodball Collegium)

[hawaiiansky]

SPORTS MUTILATED

Thirstday-Orclobber 8, 2601

New Ork, New Ork

On Squall Street this morning at the New Ork Swap Exchange, the greenskin-money market, Dwarf, mager league bloodballers, Boiran Redsmasher and Kifur Minegrinder, had the honor to ring the opening cowbells to begin the day of trading in New Ork City. Here all commodities are traded from advances in alchemy to zebra skins…and bloodballers.

It was a special day for the two as they were traded to different leagues. They wore the traditional “slave” manacles and leg-irons to symbolize the olden days’ slave trade (oh, happy times!) in Hysterika and to recognize the dominance by the tycoon-like team owners over the bloodballers and their lives.

The Screwloose Frowns picked up Redsmasher (.308, 14 HR, 53 RBI) for his clubbing; the Frowns though strong in clubbing average were second to last in home runs in the Hysterikan League. They also got a shirtstop dug up from the miner leagues, Salin Minetracker (.263, 3 HR, 32 RBI), formerly of the Squeezeneck Sunkens.

Muddle-reliever Minegrinder (1-0, 3.86 ERA, 3K) will be used to strengthen the Bard relief corps which already has the second best bullpen (2.92 ERA) in the Irrational League. The Bards are first in home runs in the league and apparently can discard Redsmasher without a second thought.

Since both teams squat in Screwloose, the two principle bloodballers involved in the “slave” trade won’t have to travel far as they can merely take a steam taxi to cross town to their new ball clubs. Miner leaguer Minetracker will have several months to reach his new club on foot. He should reach Screwloose by Spring Braining.

On ABC, bloodcaster Blowhard Coldspell questioned the wisdom of the trade. ”These screwballs of Screwloose have perpetrated the most paramount puzzle of foremost foolishness in the MLB that has yet been seen by discerning disciples of the sport this year!” Most hellevision viewers found the tirade very impressive, yet understood barely a word.

It was only the second trade in the offal season. On 9/19, the Slashington Gnashnails sent promising grabber Legembor Whiterat (batted .462 in 5 games) to the Bosstown Graves for shirtstop Tandil Falconquester (.290, 9 HR, 48 RBI). Huh? Don’t get Coldspell started!

[hawaiiansky]

Winesday-Dismember 1, 2601

New Ork, New Ork

In mid-Nosebender, the Bloodball Scribewriters of Hysterika had mobbed Maddened Scare Garden in New Ork City to hash out their votes for the BOY winners. Thrill Gallows of the New York Crymes was rapidly developing an ulcer in his duties as President of these dithering sportscribes, but he was astounded that it had taken a mere fourteen days and nights-straight to decide.

New Ork’s Tavern on the Greenmold was the night-time setting for the 2601 Bloodballer of the Year (BOY) Dinner and Awards Ceremony. Huge banners displaying the logo of the Mage League Bloodball, a bloodied ball with its grinning visage and crossed clubs, swung proudly over the crittery mob.

A jester, Billyclub Bristle, opened the festivities for the awards with a raucous roast of the two winners of the 2601 BOYS – Redush Bladeshaman (Yanknecks) and Pekor Crystalcutter (Daggers). Both flingers were obvious choices to everyone except for the Bloodball Scribewriters! In Ballhalla, Cyung the bloodball god of fling was ecstatic and danced a merry jig!

Using his psychike, his voice booming, Billy Bristle belittled the bloodball heroes unmercifully. “There once was an Orc from New Ork…Who doctored his fling with some pork … When the clubbers swung helplessly at the fat… they trudged to the dugout and sat …” Though very true, neither flinger was amused having their secrets exposed. After referring to the two simmering winners as Redass and Pecker in his stand-up, Bristle was carried off the stage and briefly strung up to a rotisserie over a blazing barbecue pit. After being deeply browned, the chastened comic was cut free. Used to such treatment, Bristle grinned and slunk off. All in good fun!

The usually morose MLB Commissioner Dark Elf KenIsee-mountain Landlost, softened by several glasses of Murderlow, was gushing in goodwill and compliments as he presented the Bloodballer of the Year trophies - huge golden goblets filled to the brim with Landlost’s own blood-red wine - to Bladeshaman and Crystalcutter. Both were wary as it was always a dangerous sign when Landlost was friendly. Suppressing their fears of poisoning, the two bloodballers clicked goblets with the Commissioner and heartily quaffed the contents.

The night-long revelry from the tavern could be heard for miles up and down the Broodway.

[hawaiiansky]

Sour Grapes League Report Numero One
________________________________________
Satyrday - Morque 6, 2602

Herald the start of Bloodball 2602! (Well…kinda)

When 16 Bloodball teams crammed the grailroads to head for sweltering Furyday, it signaled the official beginning of “Spring Braining.” Arriving in Fort Slaughterdale or Fearwater, Petersbog or Scarrysorta, Temper or Sinner Haven, and the rest, the bloodballers scrambled off the drains, dragged their balls, clubs, bags and equipment and invaded every hotel, inn or “blood and breakfast” in the normally serene towns. In Furyday, a frenetic month of hexibition games, hurt muscles and harlotry awaited the haughty heroes of Hysterika.

News spread like muck, and the locals in each town emptied their hovels in droves for a chance to view the mager leaguers as they paraded proudly through it. The fans sought to tear bits off of their uniforms for souvenirs, or to beg for a haughtygraph. The wildy-grinning and giggly ladies of every conceivable race (and some inconceivable), color and size waved laced snot rags from every window. Urchins clamored on top of some of the bloodballers’ shoulders only to be tossed unceremoniously back into the swirling masses of inhumanity.

Miner league newbloods flocked south as well in the hope of impressing the club owners and managers. Upon first encountering the present-day stars and regulars of Bloodball as they cavorted or lounged in the sour grape bloodball parks, the easily-awed greenhorns gawked and caught multitudes of goonbugs in their hanging jaws and gaping mouths.

Of course, the bloodcasters and sportscribes who had accompanied the bloodballers on their southern journey were on hand to cover and report on their every belt into the palm trees, boner on the injuryfield or belch at a dive. Like clouds of mosquitoes, they preyed on the bloodballers, in their case, to draw out each and every scrap of sports news.

The grand ritual of “Spring Braining” had commenced and the passions for Bloodball were rekindled. The grumpires would soon be joining the teams to add their shrill cries of “Let’s Slay Ball!” in the sour grapes’ hexibition season.

[Celtic Forever]

"haughtygraphs". Ha!