The Fantastic Baseball League - Season I

[Celtic Forever]

June 2

Blues 3-4 Kin – Bumpkindale 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.326,9,43) earned the bulk of the credit today for her squad’s win, as she cracked a key 2-run single in the 6th, followed by another RBI hit in the 8th to keep a pesky West Village at bay. For Blueblood SP Cathy DuShoppe, the game marked her third straight loss in a row – an inexplicable slump coming hard on the heels of her fine 5-0 whitewashing of Salemwich on May 18th. W: Lute Strummer (8-4, 3.09); L: Cathy DuShoppe (6-8, 3.38); S: Wags Coughlin (12, 2.70); PoG: Giggles Mountjoy (2/4, 3RBI)

Nightmares 8-3 Burners – Riverbottom RF Pepper Dotson (.330,11,48) provided the fireworks today with a big 2-run homer in the 1st to highlight a 3-hit, 3-RBI performance. The dinger brought her even with Citypark’s DJ Jazzy Twan for the FBL lead at 11. Salemwich SP Trix Galore was absolutely hammered, conceding 12 hits over her 4.2 innings of ‘work’ and surrendering all 8 Nightie runs – ensuring that no one in the 9,244 crowd would suffer from overexcitement. W: Pasta Pepitone (4-8, 4.11); L: Trix Galore (6-7, 4.58); PoG: Pepper Dotson (3/5, 2R, HR)

All Stars 3-4 Hollers – Two massive rain delays made a 5-hour mess out of this one, but Piggville eventually came away with a win in the wee hours of the morning before a crowd of about 3. The Hollers seized control early with 3rd-frame RBI singles from 3B Bossie Clementine (.306,3,22) and SP Coonskin Tate (.179,0,3). After a lengthy rain delay, Citypark struck back through reserve 1B Paige Turner’s (.310,0,10) run-plating single. More rain, then C Red Harris (.252,3,34) scored 1B Tuck Thompson with what would prove the deciding run, although CL Saucy Smothers tried to make it interesting. He gave up a 2-run homer to LF Ella Goode (.343,4,15) in the top of the 9th that nearly put this marathon into extra innings. W: Ox McBiggers (2-3, 5.16); L: Cal Hobbes (5-9, 4.51); S: Saucy Smothers (4, 6.17); PoG: Ella Goode (1/3, 2RBI, HR)

Bullies 1-8 Crabs – Well, Grimside 1B Curtis Cool (.370,1,12) hit safely for the 22nd straight game, but that was about all the good news for the Bullies as the Baymen kept pace with Piggville in the FBL pennant race. The Crabs plated no fewer than 6 runs in their 2nd to put it away early, 2-run knocks from RF Buckethead Bramble (.325,5,36) and CF Scooter Dane (.306,6,35) doing much of the damage. SP Emma Queen was by no means brilliant, but tonight’s win did set her jointly atop the FBL leaderboard. W: Emma Queen (9-3, 3.52); L: Bling Bling Bermudez (6-7, 4.03); PoG: Emma Queen (9IP, 11H, 1R, 1BB, 3K)

June 3

Blues 4-2 Kin – Village SP Hairbow Haley went 8 strong innings to win her second in a row, and the Blues struck for 2 in the top of the 9th to convincingly break a 2-2 draw at Kinfolk Korner today. Bum SP Cueball Smith had been in lockstop with Haley all day, but 2 walks to open the 9th set the table for reserve 3B Frankie Four-Eyes (.265,0,7), who singled in CF Oh-Yoo Suk. Mgr/2B August Brown (.238,0,25)then hit a sac fly to plate LF Rosie Thorn to complete the day’s scoring. On a side note, Kin starting RF Thumby Holt (.333,1,27) was suspended for two games by Commish Baker after being ejected for arguing balls & strikes in the 7th. W: Hairbow Haley (7-5, 3.13); L: Cueball Smith (5-8, 4.31); S: Heck Martin (14, 2.45); PoG: Hairbow Haley (8IP, 5H, 2R, 0BB, 4K)

Nightmares 12-1 Burners – Although she didn’t crack another homer, Nightie RF Pepper Dotson (.341,11,51) wreaked more devastation, ripping 4 hits and collecting 3 RBI as Riverbottom torched Salemwich’s pitching today. The Nightmares totaled 18 hits, including unanticipated dingers from SS Aggie McDaddy (.280,5,29) and 2B Sunny Summers (,261,1,23) – the latter of whom hasn’t even jacked one in batting practice before. For Ferdinand, the game marked his 3rd complete game of the year, but first since early April. W: Kid Ferdinand (6-9, 4.06); L: Cutie Capers (2-8, 6.45); PoG: Kid Ferdinand (9IP, 8H, 1R, 2BB, 6K)

All Stars 5-1 Hollers – Citypark thundered to a 4-1 advantage through 4, thanks to a trio of RBI doubles from C Merry Patterson (.273,2,23), 3B Susan Court (.280,2,16) and SP Suzy Q. Perkins (.348,0,9). Piggville managed next to no reply, save for C Red Harris’ (.254,4,35) 4th homer of the year – a mammoth 434’ shot to dead center. As a footnote, Citypark RF Billy Metro, so well-behaved for weeks now, was ejected in the 6th for calling the plate umpire a ‘douche’ following a strikeout. W: Suzy Q. Perkins (8-2, 5.10); L: Babe Appleby (9-5, 2.82); PoG: Suzy Q Perkins (9IP, 4H, 1R, 4BB, 0K)

Bullies 5-7 Crabs – After rushing out to a 5-1 lead over 4 innings, Grimside pitching collapsed in the 5th and 6th – surrendering 5 runs that effectively decided the day. The early Bully lead was established in large part to a big home run down the left field line from C April Mae June (.185,6,25) in the 2nd, supplemented by a 2-run single off the bat of RF Dummy Hawhaw (.344,3,32). Harbour Bay had a retort in the 5th, CF Scooter Dane (.310,6,35) scoring after a comical Hawhaw muff in right, then 2B Prance Staley (.306,4,29) blasting in 2 more with a clean single. The next frame saw the oft-maligned 3B Jenny Crush (.235,2,27) dump a ball over the left-center boards, and Grimside was doomed. Bully 1B Curtis Cool (.375,1,12) did hit in his 23rd consecutive game, though. W: Pebbles Peete (6-4, 3.79); L: Dooley McCooley (6-7, 4.25); S: Al Good (7, 4.41); PoG: Jenny Crush (2/5, 2R, 2RBI, HR)

[Celtic Forever]

Thursday, June 4
No games on the slate today, but I can give you your

Thirsty Thursday Update
Because I’m just that nice of a guy …

Standings: Piggville 37-21, Harbour Bay 2gb, Citypark 6gb, Bumpkindale 7gb, Riverbottom 10gb, Grimside 11gb, West Village 13gb, Salemwich 15

Hitting Streak: Active - GRI Curtis Cool 23 gms; Season – same

Undefeated Streak: Active – HB Pebbles Peete 6 gms; Season – Emma Queen 11 gms

Saves Streak: Active – WV Heck Martin 13 saves; Season – same.

Team HRs:
1.Harbour Bay 45 (Boobsy Daniels & Buster Lowe 8)
2.Citypark 44 (DJ Jazzy Twan 11)
3.Piggville 32 (Tuck Thompson 9)
4.Bumpkindale 32 (Giggles Mountjoy 10)
5.Grimside 31 (April Mae June 6)
6.Riverbottom 29 (Pepper Dotson 11)
7.Salemwich 21 (Innocence O’Malley 7)
8.West Village 15 (Justin Thyme 5)

Friday, June 5

Crabs 5-1 Nightmares – Bayman C Boobsy Daniels (.353,9,45) stroked a 2-run homer in the 1st to provide all the runs that would be required this afternoon, as the Crabs rolled to victory before a disappointed 9,765 at The River’s Edge. CF Scooter Dane (.311,6,36) cracked his 3rd triple of the year to plate an insurance run – all completely unnecessary as Riverbottom could only mount SP Mickey Fine’s (.182,0,7) 5th inning RBI single in reply. For Harbour Bay it was the 13th win in their last 15 contests – including 6 on the march – as their pennant chase continued an unrelenting pace. W: Big Nate Wimmer (6-3, 4.88); L: Mickey Fine (5-7, 4.62); PoG: Boobsy Daniels (3/4, 2R, 3RBI, 2B, HR)

Burners 2-4 Hollers – A much-needed win for Piggville as they continue to feel the heat from hard-charging Harbour Bay on the pennant front. Salemwich drew first blood today off a sac fly from LF Tatty Pierce (.349,1,29), plating C Bonnie Clyde, but the Hollers proved able to respond immediately through a 2-RBI single from 2B Copper Wade (.309,3,37). Pierce struck again with a run-scoring single in the 6th, but Piggville again responded in the bottom of the inning with 3B Bossie Clementine (.311,3,24) providing a clutch 2-run single. Everyone then held their breath as CL Saucy Smothers bumbled his way to a rare save. W: Prissy Puddin (10-3, 1.95); L: Lovie Smith (1-3, 6.12); S: Saucy Smothers (5, 5.68); PoG: Prissy Puddin (8IP, 5H, 2R, 1BB, 9K)

Blues 1-10 Bullies – Two explosions lifted Grimside to triumph today at Homeboy Field before an appreciative crowd of 7,088. In the 3rd, after Village had drawn first blood via SP Francine Fokker’s (.176,0,2) RBI groundout, Grimside hit back with 5 – 3 of them coming on a home run off the bat of LF Little Red Rider (.275,1,19). With the Blues’ offense at its anemic best, Grimside piled 4 more on a 6-1 lead in the 8th, 1B Curtis Cool (.360,1,13) and SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.283,3,39) each producing RBIs off newly-promoted RP Shucky Pie. Cool’s was just off a walk, though, which is sad because his 23-game hitting streak came to an end today. W: Holy Hale (6-6, 4.12); L: Francine Fokker (2-4, 6.18); PoG: Holy Hale (9IP, 4H, 1R, 3BB, 8K)

Kin 1-0 All Stars [10 inn] – Bumpkindale’s SP Cowlick Blum gave a heroic effort today, allowing a mere 4 hits in a remarkable 10-inning shutout victory. For Cowlick it was his 4th complete game and 3rd consecutive winning decision. The only run fittingly came from the Kin’s best hitter – CF Amy Earhart (.382,6,50) hitting a ball 396’ over the wall in right center with 1 out in the 10th. She leads the FBL in both average and RBI. W: Cowlick Blum (5-3, 3.09); L: Gabby Abby Farmer (3-3, 2.67); PoG: Cowlick Blum (10IP, 4H, 0R, 2BB, 3K)

[Celtic Forever]

Saturday, June 6

Kin 5-2 All Stars – Bumpkindale SP Goldilocks Parker won her debut FBL start, going the distance and bolstering hope that she can be the missing link in the rotation to make Bumpkindale relevant in the pennant race. Her squad held a slim 2-1 lead headed into the 8th, then settled the matter with an RBI single from 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.332,10,44) and a 2-run triple from LF Russ Parsons (.238,3,26). Enemy LF Ella Goode’s (.327,5,16) solo-shot reply in the bottom of the frame was not nearly enough. W: Goldilocks Parker (2-0, 2.35); L: Conchita Banana (0-2, 5.79); Goldilocks Parker (9IP, 10H, 2R, 1BB, 6K)

Crabs 13-8 Nightmares – Harbour Bay tallied 20 hits today – 14 of them off Riverbottom SP Blooey Blackman – to make a complete joke of this one at The River’s Edge (9,981). An early 13-2 advantage had much to thank LF Buster Lowe (.308,9,40), who socked a 3-run homer in the 1st and plated 5 overall, a personal best. Bay SP Dazzy Dandridge (.140,0,4) was no slouch at the plate himself, collecting 3 hits (2 of them doubles) and 2 RBI in 5 plate appearances. The Nighties’ ray of sunshine was CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.279,5,21), who walloped her 5th dinger of the year and had 3 hits in all. W: Dazzy Dandridge (5-5, 5.87); L: Blooey Blackman (4-6, 4.54); PoG: Buster Lowe (4/5, 2R, 5RBI, HR)

Blues 12-13 Bullies – Wow. Grimside clawed back from a 12-5 deficit with a 7-run 7th, then got a walk-off RBI single from CF Nick the Dick (.338,4,28) to take perhaps the most dramatic game at Homeboy Field ever. All had appeared rosy for West Village until SP Freckles Fairaway pulled himself out of the game, claiming fatigue, and was relieved by RP Air Boyer. Boyer was destroyed, allowing an RBI single to LF Little Red Rider (.278,1,20), 2-run homers to C April Mae June (.189,7,28) and 1B Curtis Cool (.381,2,15), and a 2-RBI double to RF Dummy Hawhaw (.345,3,34). The 21 total hits for Grimside constitute a club record. W: Sugarlick Simpson (3-3, 6.86); L: Air Boyer (1-1, 6.55); PoG: Curtis Cool (4/5, 3R, 2RBI, 2B, HR)

Burners 3-17 Hollers – Yet another crazy one today, as Piggville hit 4 home runs en route to a complete thrashing of hapless Salemwich SP Disco Davison. An error by LF Cale Christianson allowed Burner CF Muscles Mason to score the day’s first run in the 1st, but after that the tide turned dramatically. Homers by SS Dennis ‘The Menace Mitchell (.259,8,45) –two, actually – 3B Bossie Clementine (.319,4,25) and Christianson (.352,2,41) were just the highlights of a devastating 20-hit attack that ultimately set a club record for runs. Mitchell also set a FBL record with 6 RBIs in a single contest – a fitting conclusion to a wild day of slugfests in the FBL. W: Ice Cream Jones (7-3, 3.87); L: Disco Davison (2-5, 8.50); PoG: Dennis Mitchell (4/4, 3R, 6RBI, 3B, 2 HRs)

Sunday, June 7

Burners 1-3 Hollers – Piggville SP Coonskin Tate threw his 3rd complete game in his last 4 starts and 5th overall to keep Salemwich subdued today. 3B Copper Wade (.304,3,40) had an RBI sac fly in the 2nd and LF Cale Christianson (.352,2,42) an RBI double in the 3rd to provide the required runs. 2B Bucktooth Biggs (.226,1,17) plated LF Tatty Pierce with a oduble in the 9th for the Burners’ only retort. W: Coonskin Tate (7-3, 2.56); L: Trix Galore (6-8, 4.42); PoG: Coonskin Tate (9IP, 5H, 1R, 1BB, 3K)

Crabs 11-4 Nightmares – Harbour Bay numbered 6 doubles and 3 triples among their 12 hits as they blasted Riverbottom pitching yet again. All Crab batters save RP Mary Contrary had at least one hit, with RF Buckethead Bramble (.321,5,38), SS Snooker Davies (.283,1,34) and SP Emma ‘Drama’ Queen (.296,0,9) collecting two each. Queen actually put across 4 runs herself, two of them coming on a remarkable triple in the 5th. For Riverbottom, RF Pepper Dotson (.347,12,54) cracked her FBL-best 12th home run – a 2-run shot in the 5th. W: Emma Queen (10-3, 3.62); L: Pasta Pepitone (4-9, 4.64); PoG: Pepper Dotson (2/3, 1R, 2RBI, HR)

Blues 13-4 Bullies – A rare offensive outburst from the Village today shocked and dismayed a crowd of 7,553 at Homeboy Field. Blues Mgr/2B August Brown (.249,0,27) had 4 hits, and CF Oh-Yoo Suk (.249,2,20) cracked a 3-run ripsnort to pace an unlikely onslaught. The lucky recipient of all this offensive might was SP Cathy DuShoppe, who was coming off 3 straight losses. W: Cathy DuShoppe (7-8, 3.43); L: Bling Bling Bermudez (6-8, 4.55); PoG: August Brown (4/6, 2R, 1RBI, 2B)

Kin 2-1 All Stars – Bumpkindale SP Lute Strummer was dominant, allowing a mere 5 hits and completing his 6th game of the year. LF Russ Parsons (.238,3,27) broke a 1-1 tie with a run-producing single in the 5th, scoring 2B Grumpy Gil Meyer. SS Susan Court’s (.267,2,17) RBI groundout was the only scratch for Citypark, who sat RF Billy Metro for mystery reasons. W: Lute Strummer (9-4, 2.92); L: Cal Hobbes (5-10, 4.31); PoG: Lute Strummer (9IP, 5H, 1R, 3BB, 5K)

Your Sunday Supplement June 7

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	40	21	-	.290	341	3.06
Harbour Bay	38	23	2	.289	368	4.51
Bumpkindale	33	28	7	.266	293	4.00
Citypark	31	30	9	.274	306	4.75
Grimside	28	33	12	.280	324	4.96
Riverbottom	27	34	13	.286	303	4.33
West Village	25	36	15	.261	259	4.56
Salemwich	22	39	18	.270	240	5.19

Player of the Week: PIG 3B Bossie Clementine (12/22, 2, 8)

AVG: BUM Amy Earhart .377; PIG Tuck Thompson .358; HB Boobsy Daniels .355; PIG Cale Christianson .352; RIV Pepper Dotson .347

HR: RIV Pepper Dotson 12; CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 11; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 10; HB Boobsy Daniels 9

RBI: RIV Pepper Dotson 54; BUM Amy Earhart 51; HB Rip Ripperson 48; HB Boobsy Daniels 47

WINS: PIG Prissy Puddin 10; HB Emma Queen 10; PIG Babe Appleby 9; BUM Lute Strummer 9

ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 1.95; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.56; PIG Babe Appleby 2.82; BUM Lute Strummer 2.92; CIT Cowlick Blum 3.09

K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 95; RIV Kid Ferdinand 77; RIV Mickey Fine 71; HB Big Nate Wimmer 63;

Tout the Scout Presents: Best Outfield Arms in the FBL
Hi diddly-ho neighbor! I’ve rated the arms of the FBL regulars on a scale of 1-5, then tallied them to rank the teams in order. Look and see:

1.Piggville 13: LF Cale Christianson 5; CF Daisy Mae Hart 4; RF Spunk Williams 4

2.Citypark 10: LF Ella Goode 5; CF DJ Jazzy Twan 3; RF Billy Metro 2

3.Grimside 10: LF Little Red Rider 3; CF Nick the Dick 4; RF Dummy Hawhaw 3

4.Riverbottom 10: LF Imogene Floyd 4; CF Snooty Rotheschilde 3; RF Pepper Dotson 3

5.West Village 10: LF Justin Thyme 4; CF Oh-Yoo Suk 3; RF Rosie Thorn 3

6.Harbour Bay 9: LF Buster Lowe 3; CF Scooter Dane 3; RF Buckethead Bramble 3

7.Salemwich 9: LF Tatty Pierce 3; CF Muscles Mason 4; RF Y.I. Otta 2

8.Bumpkindale 8: LF Russ Parsons 2; CF Amy Earhart 3; RF Thumby Holt 3

Yes, while much of the FBL, as expected, is bunched together, this analysis shows that there is a clear winner and loser when it comes to outfield guns. Now you know!

[Celtic Forever]

Monday, June 8

Now Hear This: All Stars, Burners Make Deal
Several All Stars and Burners players soon will have to start shopping for a new home. It was announced today that the two teams came to agreement on a trade. Citypark will get 30-year old first baseman BOO-BOO BAKER and Salemwich will pick up 28-year old second baseman PAIGE TURNER and a 24-year old minor league reliever in return. "I'm not surprised by the news," Baker told reporters, "It's part of the business and I understand that. I am looking forward to playing for the All Stars."
To date, TURNER has collected 18 hits for a .310 average. She has posted no home runs, scored 5 runs and driven in 10 runs. BAKER is batting .291 with 51 hits, 4 home runs, 28 RBIs, .406 OBP and has scored 19 runs.
Baker will now start at 1B for Citypark, backed by Groucho Romario. Salemwich will use Turner to back up young 22 year-old 2B Pansy Yeller, with ineffective Bucktooth Biggs langishing as a third option.

Citypark, Bumpkindale Agree to Trade
The Citypark All Stars have finalized a deal with the Bumpkindale Kin for the services of 27-year old starting pitcher COWLICK BLUM and a 24-year old minor league catcher. In exchange, the Kin will receive 26-year old shortstop BABYCAKES RAMIREZ and a 23-year old minor league starting pitcher.
Thus far this season RAMIREZ is hitting .220 with no home runs, 15 RBIs and 17 runs scored. She has 36 hits in 164 at-bats and has played in 44 games. This year BLUM has worked 87.1 innings with 42 strikeouts en route to a 5-3 record and 3.09 ERA.
Bumpkindale will now go with a starting rotation of Lute Strummer, Cueball Smith, Katie Currant and Goldilock Parker. Manager Cueball Smith plans to start Babycakes in favor of SS Pink Pastelle. Citypark plans to start Cowlick Blum at the #3 spot in the rotation, behind Cal Hobbes and Suzy Q. Perkins. Bluff Coogan will back up Snuggles Henderson at short.

Hollers 5-2 Crabs – Well, don’t count Piggville out yet, as they stymied the high-flying Harbour Bay offense in the opener of the big series today before 10,558. The pack leaders fell behind 2-1 early on an RBI single from LF Buster Lowe (.307,9,42) and a scoring triple from 1B Rip Ripperson (.267,6,49), but managed to tie it in the 3rd when RF Spunk Williams (.350,3,35) plated CF Daisy Mae Hart with a Texas-leaguer over 3B Jenny Crush’s head. SS Dennis Mitchell (.255,8,46) brought home RP Buzz Walcott with a single in the 7th, and LF Cale Christianson (.354,2,44) doubled in two more to provide some insurance. W: Buzz Walcott (2-0, 1.54); L: Lucy Deuce (2-2, 2.00); S: Saucy Smothers (6, 4.91); PoG: Spunk Williams (3/4, 2RBI, 1BB)

Burners 2-8 Kin – The game entered the 6th tight – 1-0 for the Kin, then Bumpkindale erupted for 7 over the next 3 stanzas to put a bullet through this one. RF Thumby Holt’s (.337,2,30) 3-run jolt in the 8th may have been the most exciting hit, but the matter had already been made academic by then. No less than SP Cueball Smith (.146,0,5) did most of the preceding damage, with an RBI double in the 6th followed by a 2-run single in the 7th. W: Cueball Smith (6-8, 4.14); L: Cutie Capers (2-9); PoG: Cueball Smith (9IP, 4H, 2R, 1BB, 4K; 2/4, 3RBI, 2B)

Bullies 1-8 Nightmares – Six extra-base hits saw Riverbottom race out to a 7-0 lead over 4 and never look back. SP Kid Ferdinand carried a 3-hit shutout through 7 innings before wearing down. Nightie RF Pepper Dotson (.350,12,57), as so often, was the chief offensive catalyst, stroking a 2-run single and an RBI triple to bring home 3 overall. She continues to pace the FBL in run production. SS Aggie McDaddy (,288,6,31) had herself a dinger to add to the tally. W: Kid Ferdinand (7-9, 3.86); L: Dooley McCooley (6-8, 4.27); PoG: Kid Ferdinand (8.1IP, 6H, 1R, 2BB, 3K)

All Stars 5-4 Blues – West Village SP Hairbow Haley carried a 3-hut shutout into the 9th, then got absolutely creamed to the tune of 5 runs. Three of these came on Citypark CF DJ Jazzy Twan’s (.219,12,33) 12th ripsnort of the year, tying him with Riverbottom’s Pepper Dotson for the FBL lead. 2B Big Ears Lathum (.333,5,46) and new acquisition 1B Boo-Boo Baker (.296,4,29) each had RBI singles to account for the final tally. In less heroic news, Citypark RF Billy Metro (.333,9,35) was ejected – again – in the 1st inning for handing the plate umpire a pair of glasses after a called 3rd strike. W: Suzy Q. Perkins (9-2, 4.99); L: Hairbow Haley (7-6, 3.27); S: Loopy Alice Otter (11, 3.10); PoG: WV RF Justin Thyme (3/4, 1R, 2RBI)

Tuesday, June 9

Hollers 2-0 Crabs – Well, it’s all going wrong for Harbour Bay in their big series with the FBL leaders – they could have moved into first place with a sweep, but now find themselves 4 back as Piggville’s pitching shut them down for a second time. At 22 years of age, Holler SP Prissy Puddin is already scary good, and she’s likely not done developing yet. This was her 2nd complete game win in her last three starts, and 4th overall. Offensive support came from reserve C Babydoll Jacob’s (.182,0,3) RBI groundout in the 5th and Puddin’s (.094,0,7) own RBI double in the 7th, plating Jacobs. W: Prissy Puddin (11-3, 1.80); L: Big Nate Wimmer (6-4, 4.75); PoG: Prissy Puddin (9IP, 3H, 0R, 0BB, 7K)

Burners 2-3 Kin [10 inn] – 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.326,11,45) walloped a walk-off home run to help keep Bumpkindale on the outskirts of the pennant race. Tough break for Salemwich SP Lovie Smith, who pitched 9.1 innings, only to pick up a loss. Bumpkindale had led 2-1 entering the 6th, but Burner 3B Innocence O’Malley (.276,9,31) drilled her 9th homer of the campaign to draw matters even. Kin SP Katie Currant pitched 9 innings without a decision. W: Agatha Jewel (2-1, 1.72); L: Lovie Smith (1-4, 5.61); PoG: Katie Currant (9IP, 6H, 2R, 3BB, 5K)

Bullies 1-3 Nightmares – Riverbottom SP Mickey Fine rebounded from a 4-game losing streak with a strong effort today at The River’s Edge. The game was tied at 1-1 when RF Pepper Dotson (.351,13,58) crushed her 13th home run of the campaign – 395’ to right-center – to put her team ahead for good. LF Imogene Floyd (.287,4,39) added an insurance RBI single in the 6th. W: Mickey Fine (6-7, 4.38); L: Holy Hale (6-7, 4.07); S: Angel O’Hare (9, 0.76); PoG: Mickey Fine (8IP, 6H, 1R, 1BB, 6K)

All Stars 13-7 Blues – Citypark launched 3 home runs and collected 19 hits overall, forcing West Village to empty its bullpen in a rout tonight at The Village Green. Blues’ pitchers certainly didn’t fool their opponents this evening – both 2B Big Ears Lathum (.343,5,48) and 1B Boo-Boo Baker (.310,5,34) were 4-for-5, and 4 other Stars had multi-hit games as well. W: Cowlick Blum (6-3, 3.30); L: Francine Fokker (2-5, 6.86); PoG: Boo-Boo Baker (.310,5,34)

[Celtic Forever]

Wednesday, June 10

Hollers 8-1 Crabs – Well, the ballyhooed series is over, and for Harbour Bay that’s probably a good thing. After thrashing FBL pitching last week they were shut down for the 3rd straight game, and this time by a pitcher who’s essentially a makeweight out of the pen. Piggville established the onslaught immediately by scoring 5 runs in the first 2 frames – helped by SS Dennis Mitchell’s (.252,8,48) 2-run double- then C Red Harris (.254,5,40) belted a 3-run homer in the 5th to put the outcome beyond any doubt. W: Blondie Ferguson (4-2, 3.38); L: Dazzy Dandridge (5-6, 6.11); PoG: Blondie Ferguson (9ip, 5h, 1r, 1bb, 0k)

Burners 3-7 Kin – LF Russ Parsons (.240,4,32) got himself a grand slam in the 2nd inning to propel Bumpkindale to victory today at Kinfolk Korner (8,273). Help was provided in the form of CF Amy Earhart (.372,8,54) – the all-world centergirl who cracked two doubles and plated 3 RBI. For extra good feeling, SP Goldilocks Parker won her 2nd-straight strong outing since being promoted from the pen. Nice day in Bumpkindale. W: Goldilocks Parker (3-0, 2.78); L: Disco Davison (2-6, 8.69); S: Wags Coughlin (13, 2.45); PoG: Russ Parsons (2/5, 3r, 4rbi, 2b, hr)

Bullies 1-2 Nightmares – Riverbottom SP Blooey Blackman racked up her 3rd complete game victory of the year, conceding just 3 hits and a single run to a potent Grimsider IX. Both Nightie runs came in the 2nd – SS Aggie McDaddy (.288,6,32) doubling home 1B Wally Walleye and CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.279,5,22)singling in McDaddy in turn. For Rotheschilde, it was her 11th consecutive game in which she has hit safely. Grimside rebounded with a RF Dummy Hawhaw RBI single in the of the 3rd, but that was the extent of their reply on the day. W: Blooey Blackman (5-6, 4.31); L: Nacho Daddy (5-2, 5.36); S: Conchy Shell (2, 1.57); PoG: Blooey Blackman (8ip, 3h, 1r, 3bb, 5k)

All Stars 2-4 Blues – After a horrid start to the campaign Village SP Freckles Fairaway has rebounded to win 3 consecutive decisions, today sweeping aside the challenge of Citypark’s hitters with disdain. It was the first 9-inning performance for the 27 year old, something that must give manager August Brown hope for the future. Blues CF Oh-Yoo Suk (.253,2,22) scored twice and C Huey McBlooey (.361,3,16) rapped a pair of hits – including his 11th double – to highlight the offensive support. Mgr/SS Snuggles Henderson (.337,7,38) had a dinger for Citypark, who were missing RF Billy Metro – suspended for his previous antics against FBL umpiring. W: Freckles Fairaway (3-4, 6.60); L: Mondo Cruz (4-3, 2.75); PoG: Freckles Fairaway (9ip, 6h, 2r, 4bb, 6k)

Thursday, June 11

Blues 0-2 Burners – Nasty weather would not deny Salemwich SP Trix Galore on her day, as she endured a 21-minute rain delay to resiliently stymie the West Village offense over 8. Opposing SP Cathy DuShoppe has now lost 4 of her last 5, despite being solid over that span – averaging only 3.6 runs allowed per contest and 8.1 innings of work. Well, life sucks. 3B Innocence O’Malley (.271,9,32) scored CF Muscles Mason off a double – her 9th – in the 1st, and LF Tatty Pierce (.336,1,30) had an RBI single in the 8th to account for the scoring. W: Trix Galore (7-8, 4.15); L: Cathy DuShoppe (7-9, 3.32); S: Pippi Long (8, 4.32); PoG: Trix Galore (8ip, 5h, 0r, 1bb, 3k)

All Stars 5-6 Bullies – Grimside 2B Unstoppable Bob (.262,0,15) cracked a game-winning RBI single, scoring 3B Dumpy Doyle, to send the Homeboy Field crowd of 5,002 home happy. Citypark 3B Susan Court (.260,3,18) had tied the game at 5-5 with a solo shot – her 3rd – to lead off the 9th, necessitating Bob’s heroics. The game had a see-saw pattern to it, All Star LF Ella Goode (.328,7,19) opening the scoring with a 403’ drive over the rightfield wall in the 3rd for a 2-0 lead. W: Sugarlick Simpson (4-3, 7.06); L: Cal Hobbes (5-11, 4.31); PoG: Ella Goode (2/5, 1r, 2rbi, hr)

Nightmares 0-6 Hollers – Piggville SP Coonskin Tate won his 2nd straight complete game – his 4th complete game in his last 5 starts. Quite the streak, especially considering he has only allowed 1 run over his last 3 starts. He was supported today by a 5-run outburst in the 3rd – most of which came on a bases-loaded triple from 3B Copper Wade (.297,3,43). On the flip side, Riverbottom Mgr/SP Pasta Pepitone has now lost 4 of his last 5 starts. Also, Piggville RF Spunk Williams (.339,3,36) fractured his hand making a play in the field and is expected to miss the next few games. W: Coonskin Tate (8-3, 2.39); L: Pasta Pepitone (4-10, 4.78); PoG: Coonskin Tate (9ip, 4h, 0r, 1bb, 3k)

Crabs 9-10 Kin [13 inn] – Quite the dramatic game - Harbour Bay came back to tie from a multi-run deficit no less than 3 times, then finally took the lead in the 10th on a 3-run outburst. Reserve C Toothbrush Terrigan (.421,0,4) hit a 2-run double, followed by an RBI single from RP Lucy Deuce (.154,0,1) to give the visitors an alarming 9-6 advantage. Guess what? Back came Bumpkindale, LF Russ Parsons (.245,5,35) plating CF Amy Earhart on a double to the wall and C Priscilla Paine (.291,7,34) scoring 2 more on a triple. Three innings later Parsons was at it again, poking a single between 3rd and short to bring home RF Patty Dukes with the concluding run. W: Agatha Jewel (3-1, 1.57); L: Boner McGee (1-2, 4.05); PoG: Russ Parsons (3/6, 3r, 3rbi, 2b, hr)

Thirsty Thursday Update

Standings: Piggville 44-21 -; Harbour Bay 6gb; Bumpkindale 7gb; Citypark 11gb; Riverbottom 14gb; Grimside 15gb; West Village 18gb; Salemwich 21gb.

OBP: PIG Tuck Thompson .493; BUM Amy Earhart .449; RIV Onion Munyon .444; RIV Pepper Dotson .437; CIT Snuggles Henderson .431.

SLG: BUM Amy Earhart .599; RIV Pepper Dotson .578; BUM Giggles Mountjoy .534; CIT Billy Metro .534; PIG Tuck Thompson .520

Runs: HB Buckethead Bramble 63; RIV Snooty Rotheschilde 56; CIT Snuggles Henderson 53; HB Scooter Dane 52; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 51.

SB: RIV Snooty Rotheschilde 45; WV Oh-Yoo Suk 43; HB Buckethead Bramble 42; PIG Daisy Mae Hart 35; HB Scooter Dane 26

[Celtic Forever]

Friday, June 12

Blues 3-6 Burners – Salemwich SP Cutie Capers rebounded from a 3-loss decision streak to record her first complete game win of the year before 7,722 at Salem Centre. 2B Paige Turner (.303,0,12) ripped a 2-run double in the 4th inning, and RF Simple Salmon (.224,1,6) brought in 2 more with a single in the 5th to help establish a decisive advantage. As for West Village, RF Rosie Thorn (.326,2,9) thumped her 2nd homer of the year to lead off the 9th, but that was the extent of the comeback in this battle of bottomfeeders. W: Cutie Capers 93-9, 6.17); L: Hairbow Haley (7-7, 3.49); PoG: Cutie Capers (9ip, 8h, 3r, 1bb, 3k)

Nightmares 9-5 Hollers – Riverbottom brought home 6 runs over the 7th and 8th innings to put an end to a hitherto-tight 3-2 ballgame today at The Pig Pen. Nightie C Large Marge Franklin (.288,1,29) and SS Aggie McDaddy (.303,6,34) each cracked RBI singles in the 7th frame to make the score 5-2, then LF Imogene Floyd (.282,4,43) socked a 2-run double in the 8th to aid another outburst. 9-3 Nightmares. Piggville C Red Harris s(.259,6,42) smote a 2-run homer in the bottom of the 9th, but too little, too late … W: Kid Ferdinand (8-9, 3.79); L: Babe Appleby (9-6, 3.05); PoG: LF Imogene Floyd (2/4, 2r, 4rbi, 2 2bs)

All Stars 5-9 Bullies – It was quite the game for Citypark RF Billy Metro (.347,10,36) and his ‘Simply The Best’ t-shirt (unveiled today in batting practice)– out the last two contests on suspension for insulting umpires .– He went 4-for-4 with a homer in his first at-bat on his return – but he was overshadowed in the end. Grimside Mgr/SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.279,5,46) went 3-for-5 with a 2-run homer and a 2-run triple and tallied 4 RBI in all to spur her side to victory. She was aided by a resurgent 1B Curtis Cool (.369,2,17) – 3-for-5 today after collecting 5 hits in his last 20 plate appearances. W: Dooley McCooley (7-8, 4.32); L: Suzy Q. Perkins (9-3, 5.41); PoG: Slowey Zoe Zamm (4/5, 2r, 4rbi, 3b, hr)

Crabs 4-5 Kin – Another tight one between these bridesmaids, Bumpkindale once again eking out victory by the slimmest of margins. Kin 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.320,12,47) opened the scoring in the 2nd with a 381’ solo blast that just nipped inside the rightfield foul pole, and added an RBI double in the next frame to spot her club a 2-zip lead. 3B Killer Carp (.273,2,24) then tacked on a run-scoring triple, and SP Cueball Smith (.154,0,7) helped himself by plating 2 in the 4th with a double off right-center. The clubs are now tied, 6 games adrift of pacesetters Piggville, Harbour Bay having dropped 5 in a row. W: Cueball Smith (7-8. 4.02); L: Pebbles Peete (6-5, 3.93); S: Mongo Lloyd (1, 0.00); PoG: Giggles Mountjoy (2/3, 1r, 2rbi, 2b, hr)

Saturday, June 13

Blues 6-10 Burners – Salemwich LF Tatty Pierce (.341,2,33) launched a 3-run home run to stake his squad to a 3-0 lead in the 1st, then scored in an 8th inning 6-run outburst that saved the Burners from a determined West Village comeback today at Salem Centre (8,209). Trailing 4-1 entering the 7th, the Blues seized the lead on the back of a CF Rosie Thorn (.344,3,10) homer and 1B Lanky Longfellow’s (.253,2,32) 2-run double. After Village SP Francine Fokker tired in the 8th, however, RP Shucky Pie was inserted and the world blew up. West was down 10-5 entering the 9th, and not even a mammoth homer from RF Justin Thyme (.260,6,35) could provide much hope. W: Lovie Smith (2-4, 5.08); Francine Fokker (2-6, 6.92); PoG: Tatty Pierce (2/4, 2r, 3rbi, hr)

All Stars 2-9 Bullies – Citypark SP Cowlick Blum – who had won his last 4 decisions - was battered for 9 runs through 5 frames as Grimside rolled to an easy win at Homeboy Field (7,211 paid). Grimsider Mgr/SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.290,6,47) opened the scoring with a solo shot in the 2nd, which was backed by an RBI single from 3B Dumpy Doyle (.303,6,37) and a sac fly from SP Holy Hale – plating CF Nick the Dick – as the Bullies quickly established a 3-0 advantage. 1B Curtis Cool (.368,2,19) and CF Nick the Dick (.332,4,31) each added RBI singles in the 5th to help push the bulge to 9-0. W: Holy Hale (7-7, 3.82); L: Cowlick Blum (6-4, 3.78); PoG: Holy Hale (8ip, 5h, 0r, 4bb, 2k)

Crabs 1-2 Kin – Bumpkindale completed a sweep today over Harbour Bay to seize sole control of 2nd place in the FBL. Both Kin runs came in the 2nd, RF Thumby Holt (.337,3,31) leading off with a solo dinger and 2B Grumpy Gil Meyer (.252,2,23) scoring reserve SS Tiger Blue on a groundout to second. The Baymen could only muster an RBI single from reserve CF Jumpin’ Jane Lane (.200,0,3) in the top of the 4th, Kin SP Katie Currant being shockingly effective on the day. For the Crabs, the defeat marked their 2nd consecutive series sweep. W: Katie Currant (5-3, 3.78); L: Big Nate Wimmer (6-5, 4.59); S: Wags Coughlin (14, 4.22); PoG: Katie Currant (8ip, 5h, 1r, 4bb, 3k)

Nightmares 2-4 Hollers – Piggville plated two in the 1st, then C Red Harris (.260,7,43) blasted a solo bomb in the 3rd to provide what would provide the eventual winning run. LF Cale Christianson (.343,2,49) stroked an RBI single in the 4th – plating CF Daisy Mae Hart – to provide some insurance. Riverbottom offered only meager resistance against SP Prissy Puddin, collecting a total of 3 hits and 1 earned run – that coming on a sac fly from SS Aggie McDaddy (.300,6,35) in the 7th. W: Prissy Puddin (12-3, 1.77); L: Mickey Fine (6-8, 4.40); S: Saucy Smothers (7, 4.60); PoG: Prissy Puddin (7ip, 3h, 2r, 0bb, 6k)

[Celtic Forever]

Kin 1-11 Nightmares – Nine runs over the 1st three stanzas put paid to any hopes Bumpkindale had of winning this one, as Riverbottom stomped them into the mud on a cloudy day at The River’s Edge (8,947). Following a 1B Wally Walleye (.286,1,44) RBI single in the 1st, the Nighties blew the game open in the 2nd – aided by a 2-run ripsnort from CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.272,6,25) and a 2-RBI double from Walleye. More carnage followed in the 3rd, as SS Aggie McDaddy (.308,6,36), reserve LF Nicky Fever (.190,0,3) and Rotheschilde all cracked run-scoring hits. For Bum SP Goldilocks Parker – who had won her first 3 FBL starts – it was a rude interruption of her fairy tale start. W: Blooey Blackman (6-6, 4.07); L: Goldilocks Parker (3-1, 3.45); PoG: Snooty Rotheschilde (3/5, 2r, 3rbi, 2b, hr)

Burners 10-2 All Stars – Salemwich scored in all but 2 innings in a rout today at Big City Ballpark before 8,119. Burner CF Muscles Mason (.300,6,31) proved the primary catalyst, clubbing a home run, scoring twice and stealing two bases as Salem’s leadoff man. He was helped by homers from RF Y.I. Otta (.276,3,15) and no less than SP Disco Davison (.238,1,3) himself, whose 5th inning shot traveled 379’ to right-center. For Disco, today was his first win on the heels of 4 straight defeats, and for opposing SP Mondo Cruz it marked a 2nd-straight defeat. W: Disco Davison (3-6, 7.76); L: Mondo Cruz (4-4, 3.69); PoG: Muscles Mason (3/4, 2r, 2rbi, hr)

Bullies 4-3 Hollers [11 inn] – Grimside C April Mae June (.200,8,32) tied the game at 2 apiece with a solo homer in the 9th, then the Bullies dusted off Piggville with a 2-run 11th – 2B Unstoppable Bob (.265,0,17) smacking an RBI single and LF Little Red Rider (.278,1,23) coming through with run-scoring groundout. The Hollers tried to make it interesting with reserve SS Teddy Toms’ (.216,0,5) scoring single in the bottom of the frame, but LF Squiggy McDonald (.317,0,4) flied out to center to end the fun. W: Nacho Daddy (6-2, 5.34); L: Blondie Ferguson (4-3, 3.65); S: Angry Karl Karlsson (9, 3.86); PoG: PIG SP Ice Cream Jones (7.2ip, 10h, 1r, 1bb, 4k)

Crabs 8-2 Blues – Harbour Bay got back to winning ways following two successive series sweeps, dumping Village behind a 12-hit attack that featured a home run from stalwart 2B Prance Staley (.305,5,32). Leadoff man CF Scooter Dane (.306,7,43) collected a quarter of the team’s hits himself – including a double – but was gunned down on his sole steal attempt. RF Buckethead Bramble (.300,5,39), however, swiped two for a total of 44 on the year. West Village 1B Lanky Longfellow (.253,3,34) cranked a homer for the homestanders. W: Dazzy Dandridge (6-6, 5.81); L: Freckles Fairaway (3-5, 6.48); PoG: Dazzy Dandridge (9ip, 6h, 2r, 2bb, 4k)

Your Sunday Supplement June 14

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	45	23	-	.289	374	2.95
Bumpkindale	39	29	6	.268	329	3.92
Harbour Bay	39	29	6	.282	393	4.52
Citypark	33	35	12	.275	340	4.94
Grimside	32	36	13	.281	355	4.78
Riverbottom	32	36	13	.285	338	4.18
Salemwich	26	42	19	.271	275	5.01
West Village	26	42	19	.262	285	4.75

Player of the Week: WV LF Justin Thyme (12/28, 1, 8)

AVG: BUM Amy Earhart .375; RIV Pepper Dotson .355; PIG Tuck Thompson .343; HB Boobsy Daniels .343; PIG Cale Christianson .343

HR: RIV Pepper Dotson 13; CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 12; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 12; CIT Billy Metro 10

RBI: RIV Pepper Dotson 58; BUM Amy Earhart 56; PIG Dennis Mitchell 50; PIG Cale Christianson 49; HB Rip Ripperson 49

WINS: PIG Prissy Puddin 12; HB Emma Queen 10; PIG Babe Appleby 9; BUM Lute Strummer 9; CIT Suzy Q. Perkins 9

ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 1.77; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.39; BUM Lute Strummer 2.95; PIG Babe Appleby 3.05; WV Cathy DuShoppe 3.32

K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 108; RIV Kid Ferdinand 83; RIV Mickey Fine 80; HB Big Nate Wimmer 75; WV Hairbow Haley 67

Tout the Scout Presents: First-Year Player Draft
Tomorrow's Fantastic Baseball League first-year player draft will produce a new pool of potential all-stars, players with aspirations of one day holding a position in the lineup, starting rotation or bullpen. The prime candidates, according to my predictions, includes:

1. BROOKLYN YORK, an ugly 21 year-old third baseman with a red-and-yellow tophat.
2. BOOTS BRANNERD, a squeaky-clean blonde 19 year-old second baseman in a bow-tie.
3. DAISY DUKES, a hot red-headed 22 year-old center fielder from Louisiana.
4. BINKLEY SIMMS, a know-it-all 21 year-old catcher with thick orange hair.
5. BOBBY BELIEVER, smirky carrot-topped mischievous 18 year-old catcher out of high-school.
6. BUCKY LaROUX, a 22 year-old left fielder / cowboy from Louisiana; good, honest kid.
7. YANK STRETHERS, 17 year-old third baseman believed disciplined, since he was in ROTC; smiles a lot.
8. GENIUS JONES, cocky & brainy 21 year-old starting pitcher; certified pilot.
9. GOOFER McGEE, brick-headed, slack-jawed 18 year-old right fielder out of Mississippi.
10. HOLLY HONEY, dazzlingly-beautiful 21 year-old right fielder/redhead out of California.

The first five picks go to West Village, Salemwich, Riverbottom, Grimside and Citypark.

[Celtic Forever]

Bullies 0-4 Hollers – Piggville SP Coonskin Tate blanked Grimside on 6 hits, going the distance afore 9,087 at The Pig Pen. Offensive help came from an unlikely source in reserve C Babydoll Jacobs (.243,0,3), who cracked 3 doubles and scored twice while deputizing for regular C Red Harris. 1B Tuck Thompson (.346,9,38), 0 for his last 9 at bats, went 2-for-4 in a rebound effort. Back to Tate. He has now won a complete game in his last 3 starts, and conceded a mere 2 earned runs over his last 40 innings pitched. Shazamm!! W: Coonskin Tate (9-3, 2.24); L: Holy Hale (7-8, 3.79); PoG: Coonskin Tate (9ip, 5h, 0r, 0bb, 6k)

Kin 5-2 Nightmares [11 inn] – After being shut out by Riverbottom SP Kid Ferdinand for 8 innings, Bumpkindale rallied for 2 in the top of the 9th on an RBI triple by RF Thumby Holt (.338,3,32) and a tie-producing single from C Priscilla Paine (.295,7,35) -off CL Angel Hare. The game went to extra frames as Ferdinand assaulted the water cooler, coming to a conclusion when Kin 2B Grumpy Gil Meyer (.256,3,26) smashed a 3-run homer in the 11th off RP Conchy Shell. River had established a 2-0 advantage in the 2nd off RBI singles from 3B Crazy Sara Seine (.231,2,19) and 2B Sunny Summers (.243,1,26). W: Agatha Jewel (4-1, 1.45); L: Conchy Shell (2-1, 2.63); PoG: Grumpy Gil Meyer (2/5, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Burners 3-2 All Stars – A 3-run shellacking in the top of the 1st settled this one early, RBI singles from LF Tatty Pierce (.343,2,34) and 2B Pansy Yeller (.300,0,2) and a scoring groundout from C DeForest Gump (.242,0,6) setting the pace for Salemwich. Citypark tried to retort via an RBI single in the 7th from RF Groucho Romario (.277,3,20) - deputizing for Billy Metro - and an 8th inning homer from LF Ella Goode (.329,8,21), but Salemwich’s relief corps proved able to hold the line. For Burner SP Frowny Malloy, today was the first action since May 30th, when he disabled himself with a pulled abdominal. He was quite good. W: Frowny Malloy (8-4, 3.32); L: Cal Hobbes (5-12, 4.13); S: Pippi Long (9, 4.00); PoG: Frowny Malloy (8ip, 7h, 2r, 2bb, 3k)

Crabs 13-1 Blues – Harbour Bay unleashed the pain on West Village - and SP Cathy DuShoppe in particular - 5 home runs and 3 doubles sparking a rout at The Village Green (5,441). RF Buckethead Bramble (.306,6,40) led the game off with a dinger over the rightfield wall, beginning a home run derby that was joined by SP Emma Queen (.339,1,11), 1B Rip Ripperson (.272,7,53) and – twice – LF Buster Lowe (.307,11,45). The scoreboard showed a 9-0 lead for the Baymen after 4 innings, and it continued to get a workout as the Crabs scored in every frame but the 8th. Yes, they did tack on one more (just to be safe) in the 9th off 2B Prance Staley’s (.308,5,34) RBI single, but Village got ‘em back on LF Rosie Thorn’s (.347,3,11) run-plating single, keeping matters from being comical. W: Emma Queen (11-3, 3.63); L: Cathy DuShoppe (7-10, 3.93); PoG: Buster Lowe (3/4, 2r, 3rbi, 2 hrs)

Now Hear This: FBL Draft Results

Round 1
1.West Village: C Emmy Lou Lemieux,22
2.Salemwich: RF Goofer McGee,18
3.Riverbottom: SS Barney Power,21
4.Grimside: 3B Yank Strethers,17
5.Citypark: SP Genius Jones,21
6.Harbour Bay: 2B Boots Brannerd,19
7.Bumpkindale: RF Holly Honey,21
8.Piggville: 2B Shred Davis,21

Round 2
1.West Village: 3B Brooklyn York,21
2.Salemwich: 1B Kelly Starr,17
3.Riverbottom: C Binkley Simms,21
4.Grimside: LF Bucky LaRoux,22
5.Citypark: CF Daisy Dukes,22
6.Harbour Bay: C Bobby Believer,18
7.Bumpkindale: 1B Highlight Bobby Brown,18
8.Piggville: RF Pepito Ruiz,18

Round 3
1.West Village: RF Blackie Blackwelder,19
2.Salemwich: 2B LuAnne Bonkers,17
3.Riverbottom: 2B Barnyard Briggs,21
4.Grimside: C Pinky Brown,21
5.Citypark: RF Bubbles McElroy,18
6.Harbour Bay: 2B Harley Thatcher,20
7.Bumpkindale: RF Big Woody Jamison,22
8.Piggville: RP Babe Darling,18

Round 4
1.West Village: 3B Palomino Sue,21
2.Salemwich: RF Hannah Hornrim,17
3.Riverbottom: CF Sailor Jack,21
4.Grimside: RP Betty Bunyon,21
5.Citypark: SP Lil’ Annie Fannie,17
6.Harbour Bay: SP Tweet Timmons,18
7.Bumpkindale: RP Gen Hiroshima,17
8.Piggville: 3B Buster Bronco,21

Round 5
1.West Village: RP M.J. Jackson,22
2.Salemwich: RP Big Billy Blanchard,17
3.Riverbottom: RP Barnaby Biggs,21
4.Grimside: RP Tubby Slackjaw,20
5.Citypark: SP Astonishing Tompkins,21
6.Harbour Bay: SP Hot Scott Jordan,20
7.Bumpkindale: RP Atomic Thomson,17
8.Piggville: RP Farley Tibbits,17

But Wait, There’s More: Riverbottom, Grimside Trade Made

The Riverbottom Nightmares have finalized a deal with the Grimside Bullies for the services of 38-year old starting pitcher BLING BLING BERMUDEZ. In exchange, the Bullies will receive 30-year old catcher LARGE MARGE FRANKLIN. Thus far FRANKLIN has hit .287 with 1 home run, 30 RBIs and scored 30 runs.
This season BERMUDEZ has compiled a 6-8 record with a 4.47 ERA.
Not a popular move for Grimside, as Bling Bling was a heavy crowd fave. Now he will slot in as Riverbottom’s #2 starter, behind Kid Ferdinand. Franklin will be given the starting nod in Grimside, resigning light-hitting April Mae June to the bench. Both are top-rate backstops, but June is 35, with Franklin 5 years her junior.

[Celtic Forever]

Tuesday, June 16

Bullies 3-4 Hollers – A 2-run ripsnort from reserve CF Jiggs Barnaby (.313,1,7) helped propel Grimside to an early 3-0 lead in the 2nd, and SP Dooley McCooley was able to hold off Piggville for much of the rest of the way. Yet, in the bottom of the 7th, the Hollers broke through with scratch RBI hits from LF Cale Christianson (.337,2,50) and 3B Bossie Clementine (.328,4,28) to pull the game tight at 3-2. McCooley started losing his control in the bottom of the 9th, walking Christianson to start the frame and then throwing wild to first on C Red Harris’ bunt attempt. Clementine then sac-flied Christianson in from third and – a wild pitch from McCooley later – PH Su-Ni Dai (.111,0,2) cracked her first hit of the year, bringing in Harris from third. Ballgame. W: Babe Appleby (10-6, 2.99); L: Dooley McCooley (7-9, 4.25); PoG: Babe Appleby (9ip, 6h, 3r, 3bb, 5k)

Burners 0-3 All Stars – Citypark’s SP Suzy Q. Perkins pitched her best game of the year, recording her first complete-game shutout to give Mgr Snuggles Henderson hope that the hurler is on her way to realizing her potential. At 27 years of age, it’s time. Perkins had a no-hitter going into the 6th until SS Dude O’Day (.215,0,7) – of all people – broke it up with a squibber between first and second. A few more weak hits followed, but no one really tagged the ball for Salemwich all day – witness no extra base hits. Meanwhile, Citypark had staked out a 3-0 lead through 4, getting RBI singles from CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.219,12,36) and LF Groucho Romario (.283,3,21) in the 3rd, followed by a groundout RBI from RF Billy Metro (.333,10,37) in the 4th. That proved more than enough. W: Suzy Q. Perkins (10-3, 5.05); L: Trix Galore (7-9, 4.10); PoG: Suzy Q. Perkins (9ip, 4h, 0r, 0bb, 5k)

Kin 6-7 Nightmares – Riverbottom SP Bling Bling Bermudez looked good in his new jersey until he ran into trouble in the 7th, a 2-run single from SS Babycakes Ramirez (.200,0,18) and a following RBI single from reserve C Butch Bruiser (.213,0,5) drawing the Kin even at 6-6 late. Bling Bling was pulled to toss things around in the dugout – meanwhile 1B Wally Walleye (.284,1,46) saved the day for Riverbottom with a double in the 8th that plated 3B Onion Munyon to restore the lead. CL Angel O’Hare kept it that way. W: Zippo Cook (3-0, 4.54); L: Agatha Jewel (4-2, 1.79); S: Angel O’Hare (10, 0.68); PoG: RIV 2B Sunny Summers (2/4, 1r, 2rbi, hr)

Crabs 9-1 Blues – Another crushing win for Harbour Bay as they look back to their old winning ways. Village SP Hairbow Haley totally lost it in the 4th, walking in a run with the bases juiced and then conceding a 3-run double to CF Scooter Dane (.309,7,49). Matters stood at 4-1 in the 8th when the Baymen struck again, Dane doubling in 2 more to chase Haley from the game. RP Shucky Pie fared no better in the 9th, allowing a sac fly to 2B Prance Staley (.307,5,35) and a 2-run double to 1B Rip Ripperson (.273,7,55) to complete the rout. W: Pebbles Peete (7-5, 3.76); L: Hairbow Haley (7-8, 3.67); PoG: Scooter Dane (2/4,5rbi,2 2bs)

Wednesday, June 17

The FBL has the day off in order to pay tribute to the troops. An all-FBL IX defeats a military selection featuring players from all four branches, 4-1. Citypark’s Bully Moe gets the win, helped by RBI singles from Riverbottom’s 3B Onion Munyon and Salemwich C Bonnie Clyde. Bumpkindale CF Amy Earhart homered in the 9th – a 412’ shot to deep center.

[Celtic Forever]

Thursday, June 18

Hollers 13-0 Kin – Any Bumpkindale hope of putting a scare into the front-runners was cruelly destroyed amidst a 15-hit onslaught today at Kinfolk Korner. Piggville raced out to a 4-0 lead over 3, then C Red Harris (.250,8,47) put the game away with a grand slam in the 5th that left the Kin’s chances in tatters. 1B Tuck Thompson (.347,10,39) also got into the act, hitting his first home run in well over a month – 447’ to straightaway center. For Piggy SP Prissy Puddin, it was her 5th consecutive winning decision - three of those victories being shutouts. 3B Bossie Clementine extended her hitting streak to 24 games. W: Prissy Puddin (13-3, 1.67); L: Katie Currant (5-4, 4.26); PoG: Prissy Puddin (8ip, 4h, 0r, 4bb, 7k)

All Stars 6-7 Crabs [11 inn] – A wild one at The Crab Cage (10,389) was drawn even at 6-6 in the bottom of the 9th when Bay SS Snooker Davies (.268,1,37) doubled in 1B Rip Ripperson – CL Loopy Alice Otter blowing her 3rd save opportunity of the year as a result. Harbour Bay brought in RP Lucy Deuce, and she was her usual reliable self, setting down Citypark in the 10th and 11th without incident. Her effort was rewarded in the bottom of the 11th, Davies coming through again with a game-winning RBI single that scored Buster Lowe. W: Lucy Deuce (3-2,2.32); L: Loopy Alice Otter (3-1, 3.13); PoG: CIT 2B Big Ears Lathum (4/5, 5rbi, 2 2bs)

Burners 6-5 Bullies – An exciting ballgame got underway right away, Salemwich striking for 3 in the top of the 1st thanks to an RBI single from LF Tatty Pierce (.336,2,35) and a 2-run triple off the bat of 2B Bucktooth Biggs (.222,1,24), who needed the hit. Another run was added in the 4th when SS Dude O’Day (.223,0,8) singled home RF Simple Salmon, but Grimside hit back for 4 in the 6th to tie it – RF Dummy Hawhaw (.322,4,38) providing some fireworks with a 2-run dinger into the rightfield stands. C Bonnie Clyde (.296,0,27) snatched the lead back for Salemwich with a run-scoring single in the 7th; CF Muscles Mason’s (.298,6,32) RBI single in the 8th then pushed the lead to 6-4. The Burners broke out into a sweat again when Bully CF Nick the Dick (.336,4,33) connected for a run-producing single in the bottom of the stanza, but CL Pippi Long was ultimately able to hold them off. W: Lovie Smith (3-4, 4.60); L: Margarita Lime (5-7, 4.76); S: Pippi Long (10, 4.03); PoG: Dummy Hawhaw (2/4, 2r, 2rbi, hr)

Nightmares 5-12 Blues – Kaboom! West Village finally unleashed the beast, their anemic offense springing out to a 10-3 lead after 4 frames. A couple of RBI doubles from LF Justin Thyme (.265,6,38) and SS Shaggy Muldoon (.279,0,36) sparked a 4-run 3rd, and the tally was repeated in the 4th off timely singles from Mgr/2B August Brown (.270,0,30), Thyme and C Huey McBlooey (.352,3,13) – who was a perfect 4-for-4 on the day. Two more Village runs were plated in the 6th to make matters ridiculous. W: Freckles Fairaway (4-5, 6.39); L: Mickey Fine (6-9, 4.87); PoG: Shaggy Muldoon (3/5, 4rbi, 2b)

Thirsty Thursday Update
Summer’s here, and Thirsty Thursday was never more welcome! Get your drink-holder cap on, load it up, and take a gander at:

Standings: Piggville 48-23 -; Harbour Bay 6gb; Bumpkindale 8gb; Citypark 14gb; Riverbottom 15gb; Grimside 16gb;Salemwich 20gb; West Village 21gb.

Errors: HB 3B Jenny Crush 18; CIT SS Snuggles Henderson 18; RIV SS Crazy Sara Seine 17; SAL 3B Innocence O’Malley 14; CIT 2B Big Ears Lathum 12.

Saves: BUM Wags Coughlin 14; WV Heck Martin 14; CIT Loopy Alice Otter 11; SAL Pippi Long 10; RIV Angel O’Hare 10.

Doubles: CIT Big Ears Lathum 27; PIG Spunk Williams 27; PIG Dennis Mitchell 25; BUM Amy Earhart 23; HB Rip Ripperson 22.

Triples: BUM Russ Parsons 6; WV August Brown 5; RIV Wally Walleye 5; PIG Spunk Williams 5

Friday, June 19

All Stars 6-9 Crabs – Harbour Bay erased a 6-1 deficit by scoring 8 runs over the 7th and 8th innings and earned an improbable victory over Citypark today at The Crab Cage (10,506). City started brightly, CF DJ Jazzy Twan’s (.220,13,38) 13th banger of the year kickstarting them off to a 4-0 lead in the 1st. In the 2nd they got RBI singles from RF Billy Metro (.324,10,38) and 1B Boo-Boo Baker (.296,5,38). Though the Baymen pulled one back in the bottom half of the frame – 3B Jenny Crush (.242,2,33) converting a sac fly – all seemed well. The trouble came in the 7th, with a fading SP Mondo Cruz allowing two walks, then gaping in horror as 2B Prance Staley (.305,6,39) slammed a 2-0 pitch over the leftfield wall for a 3-run dinger. 6-4 All Stars, now. Next inning, Harbour Bay went: single, single, walk, walk, GRAND SLAM – the latter of the bat of RF Buckethead Bramble (.312,8,46), who has now homered in 3 straight contests. No response from Citypark in the 9th. Game over. W: Dazzy Dandridge (7-6, 5.73); L: Mondo Cruz (4-5, 4.20); S: Al Good (8, 4.17); PoG: Buckethead Bramble (2/2, 2r, 4rbi, hr)

Hollers 10-2 Kin – Bumpkindale SP Goldilocks Parker injured herself after just 1.2 IP by tripping over the mound and straining her elbow. This allowed Piggville to feast on the Bums’ relief corps to the tune of 13 hits – 5 of them for extra bases. Kin RP Agatha Jewel, so reliable to this point in the season, was broken badly – allowing 4 straight walks for a run in the 3rd, then giving up 3 more in the 4th on hits by 1B Tuck Thompson (.351,10,40) and RF Spunk Williams (.356,3,44). RP Hambone Helgersson allowed 4 in the 9th himself to make this one a complete rout. Amid the carnage was a double from 3B Bossie Clementine (.337,4,30), which extended her hitting streak to 25 games – an FBL record. In the postgame press conference, manager Cueball Smith said he anticipated Parker to be out for around 3 weeks. W: Ice Cream Jones (8-3, 3.54); L: Goldilocks Parker (3-2, 3.86); PoG: Ice Cream Jones (9ip, 8h, 2r, 1bb, 3k)

Burners 9-8 Bullies [11 inn] – Grimside rode a 4-RBI performance from CF Nick The Dick (.337,4,37) to establish a 8-7 lead, countered by an equal effort from Salemwich 3B Innocence O’Mally (.270,10,37) – including a 3-run homer in the 3rd. The Burners pulled even at 8-8 in the 8th off CF Muscles Mason’s (.300,6,34) RBI single and matters went into extra frames. In the top of the 11th, O’Malley doubled and 2B Bucktooth Biggs (.233,1,25) was able to knock her in, concluding an affair that lasted 4:39. W: Bombshell Harrison (3-5, 4.59); L: Betty Chan (0-2, 2.93); PoG: Innocence O’Malley (3/6, 3r, 4rbi, 2b, hr)

Nightmares 5-3 Blues – Seven of Riverbottom’s ten hits were for extra bases – including 2 homers – and they finally got a good effort from Mgr/SP Pasta Pepitone to capture the day at The Village Green before 4,944. Reserve C Connie Courage (.279,3,10) blasted a 3-run dinger in the top of the 1st to carve out a immediate 3-zip lead, counterbalanced by an RBI double from Blues C Huey McBlooey (.351,3,17) in the bottom of the frame. Both teams scored again in the 4th – Pepitone knocking a sac fly and CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.282,7,26) hitting a solo shot for Riverbottom, West Village getting 2 back off a wild pitch and SS Aggie McDaddy’s 4th error of the year. And that was that. W: Pasta Pepitone (5-10, 4.56); L: Cosmo Cosmic (0-1, 6.43); S: Angel O’Hare (11, 0.66); PoG: Connie Courage (2/3, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Now Hear This: Citypark Petitions Commish for Forfeit

Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson has formally petitioned Commissioner Baker to forfeit their June 19th game against Harbour Bay in favor of the All Stars, claiming the Crabs used illegally-juiced balls in the contest. Henderson demonstrated the bounciness of one of the alleged ‘juicers’ by bouncing it alongside a regulation ball off the visitors’ dugout before the press. Crab manager Al Good countered that Henderson couldn’t prove the bouncier ball was one used in the game and besides, she was a whore.
No comment yet from the Commish’s office.

[Celtic Forever]

All Stars 7-5 Crabs – In the wake of yesterday’s petition by Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson, today’s game was a heated affair. City jumped out 3-0 after 3 on the back of RBI hits from CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.221,13,39), 2B Red Tatum (.148,0,2) and SP Cal Hobbes (.130,0,2). Harbour Bay struck back on C Boobsy Daniels’ (.329,9,49) RBI groundout in the 7th, followed by an RBI single from SS Snooker Davies (.280,1,38) and a 2-run double from 2B Prance Staley (.303,6,41). 4-3 now, entering the 9th.

Down to their last out, Mgr/SS Snuggles Henderson (.337,8,40) drew a walk from Crab Mgr/CL Al Good (who had called her a ‘whore’ yesterday) and promptly gave him the finger as she made her way down to first. After another walk, C Merry Patterson (.259,2,27) ripped a 3-run triple, then was doubled in by RF Shortstuff Carter (.174,1,10). Trailing 7-4 in the bottom of the 9th, Harbour Bay could only dent CL Loopy Alice Otter for one more run before the All Stars were chased from the stadium by an outraged crowd.
But they did win, and that’s the best revenge. W: Loopy Alice Otter (4-1, 3.65); L: Al Good (7-4, 4.75); PoG: Merry Patterson (2/5, 2r, 3rbi, 3b)

Burners 2-1 Bullies [11 inn] – One heck of a pitcher’s duel today between Salemwich’s SP Frowny Malloy and Grimside’s SP Holy Hale, and quite a shame Hale took the loss after going 10.1 innings. Grimside took the lead 1-0 when RF Dummy Hawhaw (.328,5,40) smote a solo homer in the 4th. This lead held until the 8th, when Burner RF Y.I. Otta (.261,4,16) responded with a dinger of his own. The game continued into extra frames, the tie broken when Burner CF Muscles Mason (.299,6,35) tripled in Mgr/RP Bombshell Harrison in the top of the 11th. Grimside had no retort against CL Pippi Long. W: Bombshell Harrison (4-5, 4.52); L: Holy Hale (7-9, 3.65); S: Pippi Long (11, 3.90); PoG: Holy Hale (10.1ip, 6h, 2r, 2bb, 8k)

Nightmares 9-1 Blues – Riverbottom SP Kid Ferdinand was dominant today, racking up his 4th win in a row and his 4th complete game. Offensive support was ample, primarily spurred by a 3-run bomb from reserve C Connie Courage (.273,4,13) and 2 RBI off the bat of CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.284,8,28) – one of them a solo shot over the centerfield wall. Village SP Cathy DuShoppe has noe lost 6 of her last 7 decisions. Ouch! W: Kid Ferdinand (9-9, 3.53); L: Cathy DuShoppe (7-11, 4.23); PoG: Kid Ferdinand (9ip, 5h, 1r, 3bb, 7k)

Hollers 3-4 Kin – Piggville had it on cruise control until the 7th, ahead 3-2 and with the indomitable SP Coonskin Tate on the mound. Yet in the 7th an error by 2B Teddy Toms and a single set up LF Russ Parsons (.249,5,36) to deliver an RBI single. Another error – this time 3B Bossie Clementine muffing a grounder – allowed another run in, and the game had changed completely (and permanently) in favor of Bumpkindale. Clementine had 2 base hits to run her hitting streak to 26 games. W: Lute Strummer (10-4, 2.85); L: Coonskin Tate (9-4, 2.25); S: Wags Coughlin (15, 4.15); PoG: PIG CF Daisy Mae Hart (3/3, 2r, 1rbi, 2b)

Now Hear This: Commish Baker Responds to Citypark Petition

FBL Commissioner Buddy Baker responded to Citypark’s petition for a reversal of June 19th’s loss against Harbour Bay on the grounds of illegal balls being employed with a terse “I’m looking into it.” While the delay was disappointing to the Citypark faithful, cheerful news was forthcoming when Baker announced that Harbour Bay manager Al Good was to be suspended for 2 games for calling counterpart Snuggles Henderson a “whore”.
“You can’t just run around exclaiming that unless you kept the receipt,” explained Baker .
As to the rest – the petition, Snuggles’ rude gesture to Good on the 20th, and the rampant crowd trouble following that game – Baker said he would have more to say “soon”.

[Celtic Forever]

Crabs 3-4 Burners – Salemwich rallied for 3 runs over the final 2 stanzas to snatch a win from Crab SP Pebbles Peete. RBI doubles from 1B Rip Ripperson (.278,7,56) and CF Scooter Dane (.305,7,51) had put Harbour Bay ahead 2-0. Salemwich pulled one back in the bottom of the 6th on 3B Innocence O’Malley’s (.266,10,39) grounder to third, scoring CF Muscles Mason. Mason was plated again in the 8th off a LF Tatty Pierce (.340,2,36) double. Come the bottom of the 9th, RP Lickspittle Scaggs was pulled in favor of PH Pansy Yeller (.333,0,3), who promptly smacked in SS Dude O’Day for the win. W: Lickspittle Scaggs (1-0, 3.24); L: Pebbles Peete (7-6, 3.78); PoG: Muscles Mason (3/4, 2r, 2b)

Nightmares 4-5 All Stars – A 3-3 tie was broken up in the bottom of the 8th, Salem 1B Boo-Boo Baker (.300,5,39) cracking an RBI single and RF Groucho Romario (.284,3,22) adding the punctuation mark with a sac fly to center. Riverbottom tried to rally in the 9th, but one run – from a double off the bat of 3B Onion Munyon (.330,0,28) – was all they could manage. W: Suzy Q. Perkins (11-3, 4.94); L: Bling Bling Bermudez (6-9, 4.56); S: Loopy Alice Otter (12, 3.55); PoG: RIV RF Pepper Dotson (4/5, 1r)

Blues 2-3 Hollers – Not unexpectedly, this turned out a tight pitcher’s duel, Piggville’s Mgr/SP Babe Appleby coming out slightly ahead of opposing SP Hairbow Haley. The two teams exchanged runs through 4, Piggville plating the decider when Appleby’s routine grounder to SS Shaggy Muldoon was kicked across the stadium, scoring an astonished 3B Bossie Clementine. Speaking of Bossie (.344,4,30), she had herself two hits to extend her streak to 27 ballgames. Whoo-ee! W: Babe Appleby (11-6, 2.93); L: Hairbow Haley (7-9, 3.60); PoG: Babe Appleby (9ip, 5h, 2r, 2bb, 6k)

Bullies 3-2 Kin [11 inn] – Grimside produced a good comeback in the top of the 8th, rebounding from a 2-0 hole on RBI hits from C Large Marge Franklin (.273,1,31) and SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.279,6,49). Into extra innings we went, the Bullies breaking through in the 11th when CF Nick the Dick (.331,4,38) doubled in reserve RFJiggs Barnaby for the win. Bumpkindale didn’t exactly murder the ball off SP Dooley McCooley – their 2 runs coming off of groundouts. W: Cocky Cochrane (1-0, 0.00); L: Mongo Lloyd (0-1,5.79); S: Angry Karl Karlsson (10, 3.44); PoG: GRI SP Dooley McCooley (9.2ip, 6h, 2r, 4bb, 1k)

Your Sunday Supplement June 21

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	50	24	-	.290	411	2.82
Harbour Bay	43	31	7	.286	439	4.44
Bumpkindale	41	33	9	.266	348	4.01
Citypark	36	38	14	.277	369	4.83
Riverbottom	35	39	15	.287	370	4.20
Grimside	33	41	17	.276	375	4.67
Salemwich	31	43	19	.269	299	4.80
West Village	27	47	23	.261	305	4.96

Player of the Week: RIV CF Snooty Rotheschilde (12/25, 3, 6)

AVG: RIV Pepper Dotson .359; BUM Amy Earhart .357; PIG Spunk Williams .350; PIG Tuck Thompson .349; PIG Bossie Clementine .344.

HR: RIV Pepper Dotson 13; CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 13; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 12; HB Buster Lowe 11

RBI: RIV Pepper Dotson 61; BUM Amy Earhart 57; HB Rip Ripperson 56; PIG Cale Christianson 54; CIT Big Ears Lathum 54.

WINS: PIG Prissy Puddin 13; PIG Babe Appleby 11; CIT Suzy Q. Perkins 11; HB Emma Queen 11; BUM Lute Strummer 10.

ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 1.67; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.25; BUM Lute Strummer 2.85; PIG Babe Appleby 2.93; SAL Frowny Malloy 3.15.

K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 115; RIV Kid Ferdinand 96; RIV Mickey Fine 82; HB Big Nate Wimmer 79; WV Hairbow Haley 78.

Tout the Scout Presents: Best Power Hitters
Although I don’t consider the FBL to have any legitimate 5-star sluggers, there are a number of sluggers I’d feel comfortable describing as possessing 4-star potential. Based upon sheer talent for knocking little balls over faraway walls, they are:

1.HB 1B Rip Ripperson: Age 32, Bats left, 7 HRs
2.PIG 1B Tuck Thompson: Age 26, Bats left, 10 HRs
3.RIV C Connie Courage: Age 39, Bats right, 4 HRs (just 71 AB)
4.CIT CF DJ Jazzy Twan: Age 33, Bats right, 13 HRs (leads FBL)
5.SAL 1B Princess Patsy: Age 28, Bats right, 3 HRs
6.SAL 3B Innocence O’Malley: Age 33, Bats right, 10 HRs
7.BUM 1B Giggles Mountjoy: Age 27, Bats left, 12 HRs

Now Hear This: Commish Baker Rejects Petition

Claiming that there is no direct evidence that Harbour Bay used illegally-juiced balls during their June 19 victory over Citypark, Buddy Baker refused to overturn the results of that contest. Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson was outraged, arguing that by now the Crabs could have thrown all the incriminating evidence into the Big Blue Bay. Baker, still dripping wet and sporting a snorkel and flippers, assured all that he had “… explored that angle thoroughly.”
Next up for Baker will be disciplining Henderson for flipping off Bay manager Al Good during their June 20th matchup, and assessing penalties for the crowd trouble that followed the game.


Snuggles Benches Metro, Promotes Romario

Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson announced today that 28 year-old star rightfielder and media icon Billy Metro (.324,10,38) has been consigned to the bench in favor of 32 year-old Groucho Romario (.284,3,22). “I’m just sick of his bull****”, explained Henderson – ungracefully referring to Metro’s penchant for mocking authority (especially hers) and placing his personal interests above the team. Witness his refusal to bunt for teammate/rival DJ Jazzy Twan.
Henderson’s current plan is to start Romario against right-handed pitching, and Shortstuff Carter (.174,1,10) against southpaws. As for Metro (who had no immediate comment), he will serve as a backup outfielder and first-bagger.

[Celtic Forever]

Nightmares 13-7 All Stars – Citypark SP Cowlick Blum was absolutely blown away - surrendering 15 hits and 13 runs over 7.1 innings to continue his inexplicable downturn of late. The game was tied at 4-4 entering the 7th, when no fewer than 9 Riverbottom runs came across to chase away the patrons. Chief among the culprits were RF Pepper Dotson (.362,13,64)and C Connie Courage (.289,4,16) – each of whom had 3 hits and 3 RBI. The rout overshadowed a fine day by Citypark CF Ella Goode (.355,9,27), who collected 5 hits to continue her remarkably productive season. As for Blum, he has now allowed 28 runs in his last 3 starts – 2 of those being losses. W: Mickey Fine (7-9, 4.96); L: Cowlick Blum (6-5, 4.44); PoG: Ella Goode (5/5, 2r, 5rbi, hr)

Crabs 6-3 Burners – Salemwich jumped out to a 3-0 bulge in the 3rd on an RBI single by C Bonnie Clyde (.290,0,27) and a 2-run error on SP Big Nate Wimmer - when he threw a live ball into the grandstand. Harbour Bay responded by scoring in each of the next 4 innings, including a dramatic RBI triple from a scampering CF Buckethead Bramble (.316,9,48). Bramble also connected on a solo home run hit in the 9th to account for the final score. W: Big Nate Wimmer (7-5, 4.34); L: Lovie Smith (3-5, 4.77); PoG: Buckethead Bramble (3/4, 2r, 2rbi, 3b, hr)

Blues 4-3 Hollers – A case of worst beating first today, especially odd as Piggville had Thrower of the Year (TOY) Award-lock Prissy Puddin on the mound. Puddin had much herself to blame, tripping over a 3B Hopper Layne (.261,1,10) grounder and allowing an alert 1B Lanky Longfellow to score in the 5th. West Village also got a home run from LF Justin Thyme (.260,7,40) in the 6th which proved to be the difference maker. More bad news for Piggville came when 3B Bossie Clementine (.338,4,30) finished 0-for-4, breaking up her 27-game hitting streak. Still, it is the best such streak this year, besting Grimside’s Curtis Cool by 4 games. W: Freckles Fairaway (5-5, 6.10); L: Prissy Puddin (13-4, 1.71); S: Heck Martin (15, 2.11); PoG: PIG RF Spunk Williams (2/4, 2rbi)

Bullies 5-7 Kin – Bumpkindale got started right off the bat (ha, ha) by scoring 5 runs in the very first inning, RBI hits from RF Thumby Holt (.325,3,36) and SS Babycakes Ramirez (.213,0,19) and a 2-run double from C Priscilla Paine (.294,7,37) doing most of the damage. Two more came across in the 4th, CF Amy Earhart (.353,9,58) hitting an RBI groudout and LF Russ Parsons (.245,6,38) smacking a most unlooked-for home run. With the score 7-2, Grimside clawed back with a LF Dummy Hawhaw (.327,5,42) 2-run double in the 7th, followed by a solo dinger from reserve RF Cherry Berry (.283,2,7) in the 8th. Kin SP Katie Currant proved able to clamp down after that, however, and stamp out the threat. W: Katie Currant (6-4, 4.33); L: Margarita Lime (5-8, 4.82); PoG: Priscilla Paine (2/4, 1r, 2rbi, 2 2bs)

Now Hear This: Commish Baker Fines Henderson for Finger

FBL Commissioner Buddy Baker announced he is fining Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson $5,000 for flipping Harbour Bay manager Al Good the bird during their game last June 20th. Henderson apparently resented Good referring to her as a “whore” during a dispute over improper balls being used in the teams’ June 19th game.
Baker refused to suspend Henderson for her actions, noting that you really can’t expect a whore to know any better.

[Celtic Forever]

Tuesday, June 23

Nightmares 3-9 All Stars – Well, the train wreck that poses as Citypark baseball rolls on today, but at least they won a game. Mgr/SS Snuggles Henderson, in response to her $5,000 fine yesterday by Commish Baker, placed a ‘Please Give’ bucket atop the dugout for fans to throw money into. Also, RF Billy Metro – recently demoted in response to his attitude problems – apparently had problems finding the bench, because he certainly wasn’t spotted on it.
Anyhoo, the All Stars reversed an early 2-1 deficit by plating 6 in the 3rd, helped along by RBI singles from 2B Big Ears Lathum (.340,5,57) and C Merry Patterson (.258,2,31). Riverbottom’s battery helped too, allowing two more runs to score on a passed ball and a walk. W: Mondo Cruz (5-5, 4.07); L: Pasta Pepitone (5-11, 4.68); PoG: Big Ears Lathum (3/4,2r,3rbi)

Blues 6-5 Hollers [14 inn] – Village SP Cosmo Cosmic pitched 8 strong innings, then handed the ball over to CL Heck Martin - who promptly recorded his 2nd blown save. Piggville plated 4in the bottom of the 9th to draw matters even at 5-5 after 9, helped along by RBI hits from CF Daisy Mae Hart (.310,2,30) and 1B Tuck Thompson (.343,10,42), and a 2-run double from LF Cale Christianson (.335,2,56). Each team’s relief corps proved shockingly reliable until the top of the 14th, when Blues Mgr/2B August Brown (.271,0,32) ripped a single between thrid and short to bring home CF Oh-Yoo Suk with the winner. Of all things – the bottom-feeders took 2-of-3 from the top dogs! W: Miggy McIver (2-2, 5.23); L: Blondie Ferguson (4-4, 3.62); PoG: August Brown (4/7, 2r, 2rbi, 2b)

Crabs 7-12 Burners – By the time Harbour Bay got around to exploding against SP Lips Hallihan (in the 8th), one of the FBL’s weakest lineups had already put this one away. Nine runs came across in the 5th and 6th innings to put Salemwich ahead 12-2 – a lead not even they could hope to blow. Burner 1B Princess Patsy (.282,4,32) had 5 RBI – most of which came off a grand slam in the 5th – and C Bonnie Clyde (.297,0,31) had 4 from 3 hits to pace the onslaught. Crab 1B Rip Ripperson (.277,8,60) struck a 3-run homer to provide a highlight for the vanquished. W: Lips Hallihan (2-4, 6.07); L: Dazzy Dandridge (7-7, 6.29); PoG: Bonnie Clyde (3/4, 3r, 4rbi, 2b, 3b)

Bullies 9-5 Kin – Grimside came through with 6 runs in the 4th to establish a 7-0 lead it never looked back on, winning handily today at Kinfolk Korner (10,206). Six of the Bullies’ 10 hits were doubles, of which RBIs were producedd from C Large Marge Franklin (.271,1,33), 3B Dumpy Doyle (.288,6,40) and LF Dummy Hawhaw (.325,5,43). Bumpkindale SS Babycakes Ramirez (.219,1,22), recently promoted to a starter’s role and looking like a mistake, cracked a 2-run homer that hopefully will rejuvenate her season. W: Nacho Daddy (7-2, 5.49); L: Hambone Helgersson (6-7, 6.39); PoG: Babycakes Ramirez (2/4, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Now Hear This: Commish Baker Fines Harbour Bay

Fresh off of fining Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson $5,000 for her rude gesture last June 20th, Commissioner Buddy Baker fined Harbour Bay $20,000 for the crowd trouble that followed that same game. Citypark won late and, given the tension sparked by Henderson and Bay manager Al Good amidst the ‘Juiced Ball’ case, Crab fans expressed their anger by rushing the field and chasing the All Stars all the into their clubhouse. No one was seriously hurt, though a few undies were reported stinky.
Baker, sporting a seemingly-new mink coat and Rolex, declared the Juicegate over and hoped everyone could just get back to playing good, clean ball. If not, he said, removing his designer sunglasses, there will be more fines in the future.

Wednesday, June 24

Kin 6-4 Blues – Bumpkindale C Priscilla Paine (.300,8,39) had 2 RBI – one coming off an impressive home run – to help her squad win today at The Village Green before 3,716. Her effort, plus a run-scoring boo-boo by SS Shaggy Muldoon (8 errors) saw the Kin jump out to a 3-0 in the 4th, immmediately drawn tighter when West Village 1B Lanky Longfellow (.239,4,39) crushed a 2-run homer in the bottom of the frame. Bumpkindale knocked Blues SP Cathy DuShoppe out of the game with a 3-run 7th with scoring hits from CF Amy Earhart (.345,9,59), LF Russ Parsons (.255,6,39) and 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.323,12,50). For DuShoppe, the result was a 7th loss in her last 8 starts – badly tarnishing a reputation considered sterling at the outset of the campaign. W: Lute Strummer (11-4, 2.94); L: Cathy DuShoppe (7-12, 4.34); S: Wags Coughlin (16, 4.03); PoG: Priscilla Paine (2/3, 2r, 2rbi, hr)

Burners 0-2 Nightmares - RF Marky Downes (.268,0,4) was welcomed back to duty for Salemwich, having busted up his elbow last April 18th and missing 2 months. Marky went 1-for-3 with a stolen base AND got hit by a pitch on his bad elbow – which caused both benches to empty and the crowd to yuk it up. That ended the good news for Salemwich, who had only 4 hits – all soft singles save for Downes’ double in the 5th.
Riverbottom got a solo blast from LF Imogene Floyd (.284,5,48) in the 2nd for the only run that SP Kid Ferdinand would need. They got another anyway on a C Connie Courage (.277,4,17) RBI double in the 8th, just for laughs. For Ferdinand, it was a 5th-straight winning decision and his 5th complete game, as well. W: Kid Ferdinand (10-9, 3.32); L: Frowny Malloy (8-5, 3.11); PoG: Kid Ferdinand (9ip, 4h, 0r, 0bb, 5k)

Crabs 0-6 Bullies – Grimside SP Holy Hale rebounded from a couple of losses in fine fashion, limiting Harbour Bay to 6 hits in a complete game, shutout win. Support came from SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.280,7,52) – who smashed a 3-run dinger in the 8th – and 3B Dumpy Doyle (.292,6,41), who had 2 doubles and an RBI hisself. Bay SP Emma Queen was stopped in her tracks after 5 starts without a loss. W: Holy Hale (8-9, 3.44); L: Emma Queen (11-4, 3.80); PoG: Holy Hale (9ip, 6h, 0r, 3bb, 6k)

Hollers 5-3 All Stars – Piggville SP Coonskin Tate recorded his 9th complete game in 20 starts, limiting the drama-laden Citypark club to 5 hits in today’s victory at Big City Ballpark (7,350). Holler SS Dennis ‘The Menace’ Mitchell (.265,8,54) had 3 hits and drove in 2 to lead a 14-hit assault against All Star pitching. Today was ‘Pick the Reliever Day’ at Citypark, with fans choosing to relieve SP Cal Hobbes in the 8th with reserve RF Pansy Prickles. Pansy recorded 1 out on 4 pitches before giving way to RP Bruce Li. Bad news did break for Piggville – starting RF Spunk Williams (.346,3,48) pulled himself out of the game with back spasms in the 1st inning. He is listed day to day. W: Coonskin Tate (10-4, 2.29); L: Cal Hobbes (5-13, 4.15); PoG: Coonskin Tate (9ip, 5h, 3r, 2bb, 4k)

[Celtic Forever]

Thursday, June 25

Hollers 4-1 All Stars – Three complete game wins in a row for Piggville SP Babe Appleby now – and 10 CGs overall – as the 28 year-old hurler mowed down Citypark to ensure the Hollers will take the series. Appleby (.161,1,6) plated two runs himself – one being off a rare homer – and RF Spunk Williams (.347,3,49) battled through his back spasms to go 2-for-3 with an RBI to send opposing SP Suzy Q. Perkins down to a rare defeat. All Star 3B Susan Court (.243,3,20) singled in the only run for Citypark in the 7th, which at the time made it a 1-1 tie. W: Babe Appleby (12-6, 2.82); L: Suzy Q. Perkins (11-4, 4.74); PoG: Babe Appleby (9ip, 9h, 1r, 0bb, 4k)

Burners 2-4 Nightmares – An RBI double from LF Imogene Floyd (.285,5,49) got things started for Riverbottom in the 2nd, followed by a homer from RF Pepper Dotson (.353,14,65) in the 3rd and a sac fly from 3B Onion Munyon to propel the Nightmares to victory. SP Bling Bling Bermudez got his first win in a Riverbottom uniform since being jettisoned from Grimside on June 16th, going the distance for the 6th time this year. Salemwich only managed 5 hits off Bermudez, but one of them was a home run from 3B Innocence O’Malley (.266,11,40) – her 11th of the campaign. W: Bling Bling Bermudez (7-9, 4.42); L: Trix Galore (7-10, 3.85); PoG: Bling Bling Bermudez (9ip, 5h, 2r, 2bb, 6k)

Crabs 7-2 Bullies – A 8th inning single from Grimside’s LF Dummy Hawhaw (.323,5,44) brought in C Large Marge Franklin to tie up a tense game at 2-2. Bully SP Dooley McCooley reported he was too worn out to continue, so manager Slowey Zoe Zamm brought in RP Tippie Stubbs for his FBL debut. Wham! Stubbs managed 2 strikeouts before the floodgates opened, C Boobsy Daniels (.341,9,51) doubling in a run, then 1B Rip Ripperson (.280,9,62) and LF Buster Lowe (.303,12,49) hitting back-to-back dingers to build up a 7-2 lead, and tear down Stubbs confidence, certainly. But hey, as we all learned from Curtis Blow, these are the breaks. W: Pebbles Peete (8-6, 3.70); L: Tippie Stubbs (0-1, 27.01); PoG: Rip Ripperson (3/5, 1r, 2rbi, 2b, hr)

Kin 8-4 Blues – Bumpkindale LF Russ Parsons (.260,6,43) hit a 3-run double in the 2nd to help stake the Kin to an early 4-0 lead against West Village. The Blues hit back quickly, SS Shaggy Muldoon (.277,0,40) cracking a 2-RBI single in the bottom of the 3rd. Dem Bums put 2 more across in the 5th off RBI hits from RF Thumby Holt (.324,3,38) and C Priscilla Paine (.298,8,40) to effectively put this one to bed. For Mgr/SP Cueball Smith, victory marked a 3rd consecutive winning decision and an even won-loss record, which will help take some of the pressure off from the fanbase. W: Cueball Smith (8-8, 4.05); L: Hairbow Haley (7-10, 3.82); PoG: Russ Parsons (3/5, 1r, 4rbi, 2b, 3b)

Thirsty Thursday Update

Well, over ¾ of the way done now, folks! Grab your favorite beverage and let’s see how things are shaping up for the home stretch:

Standings: Piggville 52-26 -, Harbour Bay 7gb, Bumpkindale 8gb, Riverbottom 14gb, Citypark 15gb, Grimside 17gb, Salemwich 20gb, West Village 23gb.

Bases On Balls: PIG Tuck Thompson 78; BUM Killer Carp 62; RIV Onion Munyon 56; HB Rip Ripperson 56; CIT Snuggles Henderson 51; HB Buckethead Bramble 50.

Saves: BUM Wags Coughlin 16; WV Heck Martin 15; CIT Loopy Alice Otter 12; SAL Pippi Long 11; RIV Angel O’Hare 11; GRI Angry Karl Karlsson 10.

1.000 Fielding Pct: RIV LF Imogene Floyd, PIG CF Daisy Mae Hart, CIT RF Billy Metro, RIV CF Snooty Rotheschilde, GRI CF Nick the Dick, WV LF Justin Thyme.

Friday, June 26

Kin 14-9 Blues – Five errors, plus having SP Freckles Fairaway on the mound (this boy just ain’t cuttin’ it) doomed West Village today. The good news: only 3,256 were on hand at The Village Green to see it. Bumpkindale scored in each of the first 7 innings and amassed 17 hits to lay waste to the Village pitching staff. C Priscilla Paine (.301,9,44) collected 4 RBI and had a homer, and 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.325,13,53) put her 13th ball over the wall to pace the attack. The only Kin regular not to have a hit (and multiple ones, at that) was 3B Killer Carp (.248,2,25). Though blown the f*** out, Village was not without its own heroes on offense. LF Justin Thyme (.281,8,45) – making a late push to fulfill his potential – smacked a 3-run dinger in the 7th, and C Huey McBlooey (.335,4,22) blasted a grand slam. W: Katie Currant (7-4, 4.66); L: Freckles Fairaway (5-6, 6.44); PoG: Priscilla Paine (2/4, 2r, 4rbi, hr)

Burners 3-4 Nightmares [10 inn] – Riverbottom CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.288,8,30) was the star today, collecting 4 hits, 2 RBI and a stolen base while serving as leadoff gal. Her efforts were greatly needed in a tight game that entered the 8th all even at 2-2. Salemwich grabbed the upper hand on 2B Pansy Yeller’s (.333,0,5) RBI single – scoring RF Marky Downes – but River struck right back when Snooty lined a ball off the leftfield wall, plating RP Zippo Cook. The game stood still until the bottom of the 10th, when RF Pepper Dotson (.353,14,66) struck a single for River and Rotheschilde was able to hustle her way home from 2nd, beating Marky Downes’ throw by inches. W: Zippo Cook (4-0, 4.38); L: Bombshell Harrison (4-6, 4.56); PoG: Snooty Rotheschilde (4/6, 1r, 2rbi)

Crabs 4-3 Bullies [11 inn] - Harbour Bay CL Al Good celebrated his return back from suspension by racking up his 9th save. Not that he didn’t make a meal of it, however. After hapless Grimside RP Sugarlick Simpson walked in SS Snooker Davies (.281,1,39) for the go-ahead run in the top of the 11th, Al was called upon to defend the lead in the bottom half, replacing RP Mary Contrary. After 2 outs and 2 singles, he gave a free pass to LF Dummy Hawhaw (.323,5,45) to load the bases. With everyone a-hootin’ and a-hollerin’, Al managed to strike out CF Nick the Dick (.315,4,40) to end the game. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. W: Mary Contrary (3-1, 3.55); L: Sugarlick Simpson (4-4, 6.75); S: Al Good (9, 4.66); PoG: GRI SP Margarita Lime (9ip, 7h, 3r, 7bb, 3k)

Hollers 2-3 All Stars – Citypark spotted Piggville a 1-0 lead on SP Prissy Puddin’s (.088,0,9) 4th inning RBI single, then scored all the runs they’d need off CF DJ Jazzy Twan’s (.216,13,43) 3-run triple in the bottom half of the frame. PIG C Red Harris (.234,8,50) did smack a run-scoring single in the 7th to make Park manager Snuggles Henderson sweat a little, but ultimately it wasn’t enough. For Puddin, tonight marked her 2nd-straight loss following a 5-start win streak. W: Cowlick Blum (7-5, 4.26); L: Prissy Puddin (13-5, 1.80); PoG: Cowlick Blum (9ip, 9h, 2r, 4bb, 3k)

[Celtic Forever]

Saturday, June 27

Nightmares 11-9 Crabs – Riverbottom C Connie Courage (.322,6,22) swatted 2 home runs and CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.289,8,32) and 1B Wally Walleye (.290,1,51) each had 2 RBI to lead the Nighties to a wild win over Harbour Bay today at The Crab Cage (10,539). The Crabs scored 4 in the bottom of the 6th to pull even at 8-8, spurred by RBI hits from CF Scooter Dane (.304,7,57), 1B Rip Ripperson (.276,9,64) and 3B Jenny Crush (.252,2,38). Then Courage jolted the The Cage with a 2-run homer in the 8th, knocking aside the homestanders’ threat for good. W: Pasta Pepitone (6-11, 4.89); L: Boner McGee (1-3, 4.30); S: Angel O’Hare (12, 0.92); PoG: Connie Courage (2/3, 3r, 4rbi, 2 HRs)

Hollers 3-1 Burners – Piggville SS Dennis ‘The Menace’ Mitchell (.273,8,57) hit 3 doubles, producing 2 runs, to provide the offense necessary to beat Salemwich and SP Lips Hallihan today. Pig SP Ice Cream Jones (.350,0,8) tapped a scoring groundout in the 2nd to account for the other run. For Salemwich, there was a bit of controversy as Mgr/RP Bombshell Harrison (.120,0,0) left herself in to bat not once, but twice, in the final innings as the Burners were trying to mount a comeback. This was not received well by the Salem Centre crowd of 7,971. W: Ice Cream Jones (9-3, 3.51); L: Lips Hallihan (2-5, 5.85); S: Saucy Smothers (8, 3.93); PoG: Ice Cream Jones (7.1ip, 8h, 1r, 2bb, 4k)

Bullies 9-4 Blues – Both Grimside sluggers Mgr/SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.281,7,55) and LF Dummy Hawhaw (.325,5,48) each had 3 RBI to pound West Village a little deeper into the FBL cellar today at The Village Green (4,970). The game stood at a respectable 5-4 for Grimside when Village SP Cosmo Cosmic pulled himself out of the game. In came RP Air Boyer, who let in 4 runs off hits from Zamm and Hawhaw to erase any hopes of a comeback. The only earned RBI for West Village was Mgr/2B August Brown’s (.276,1,33) 1st inning homer. W: Nacho Daddy (8-2, 5.35); L: Cosmo Cosmic (0-2, 5,57); PoG: Slowey Zoe Zamm (2/5, 2r, 3rbi, 2 2bs)

All Stars 8-2 Kin – Bumpkindale SP Hambone Helgersson was never going to keep Citypark’s tally down, and so it proved as the All Stars pounded their way to 8 runs, although 3 errors by the Kin’s ‘fielders’ didn’t help. Park CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.221,13,45) kept finding himself coming to bat with ducks on the pond, and his 2 hits managed to bring in two runs. His old ‘Power Company’ mate Billy Metro (now demoted) came on as a pinch hitter in the 9th and successfully hit a sac fly, scoring Twan. Bumpkindale actually managed to crack more hits in the game, and were also more successful in leaving runners on base – practically all of them. 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.330,13,54) did go 3-for-4 with an RBI, though. W: Mondo Cruz (6-5, 3.90); L: Hambone Helgersson (6-8, 6.41); PoG: Mondo Cruz (8ip, 9h, 2r, 2bb, 4k)

Sunday, June 28

All Stars 5-6 Kin – A big afternoon crowd of 10,337 was on hand today at Kinfolk Korner, and a victorious game which featured a total of 29 hits ensured they did not go home disappointed. CF Amy Earhart (.346,9,62), 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.330,14,56) and SS Tiger Blue (.202,0,11) each had 2 RBI – Giggles enjoying an FBL-best 14th home run – to provide a tally which withstood a late Citypark surge. City Mgr/SS Snuggles Henderson (.336,9,42) had a home run off Kin SP Lute Strummer who, though he did not enjoy the best of days, still picked up his 5th winning decision on the trot. W: Lute Strummer (12-4, 3.02); L: Cal Hobbes (5-14, 4.29); S: Wags Coughlin (17, 4.07); PoG: CF Amy Earhart (2/5, 1r, 2rbi, 2b)

Hollers 5-4 Burners [12 inn] – SP Coonskin Tate and the Hollers cruised into the bottom of the 9th before – oops! – 2 Salemwich runs came across to send the affair into extra frames. Culprits included SS Bucktooth Biggs (.228,1,28), who singled in 1B Princess Patsy, and 2B Paige Turner, who hit a sac fly to right, bringing in the critical tying run. Coonskin lasted 10 innings before handing the ball off to RP Ox McBiggers, who benefited 2 innings later from teammate SS Dennis Mitchell’s (.274,8,58) little ducksnort into leftfield, scoring reserve C Babydoll Jacobs for the go-ahead run. Ol’ Ox set ‘em down in the bottom of the 12th, bringing this one to a close. On a sad note, Piggville C Red Harris (.237,8,50) injured himself while falling down in thebatter’s box in the 11th. He is day-to-day with a sore knee. W: Ox McBiggers (3-3, 3.98); L: Pippi Long (1-3, 4.06); PoG: Bucktooth Biggs (4/5, 2rbi, 2b)

Nightmares 3-5 Crabs – Leadoff man RF Buckethead Bramble (.320,9,50) had 2 hits, 2 RBI and 2 SB today to pace Harbour Bay’s support of SP Emma Queen, who picked up her 12th victory. C Boobsy Daniels (.344,9,53) also made his presence felt, collecting 2 hits and smacking an RBI double in the 5th that put the Crabs up 4-1. Queen retired with 1 out in the 9th, and CL Al Good made matters interesting thereafter, allowing a 2-run triple to Riverbottom’s SS Aggie McDaddy (.304,6,42) that drew the Nighties to within 5-3. 3B Onion Munyon (.327,0,31) flew out to right, however, and the fun was over. W: Emma Queen (12-4, 3.72); L: Kid Ferdinand (10-10, 3.41); S: Al Good (10, 4.61); PoG: Emma Queen (8.1ip, 7h, 3r, 2bb, 6k)

Bullies 5-6 Blues – Grimside CL Angry Karl Karlsson certainly has reason to be pissed now, as he was handed the ball in the 9th with a 5-2 lead and quickly managed to throw it all away. It was his 2nd blown save opportunity of the year. Karl came in with runners on 1st and 2nd, and promptly gave up a sac fly to SP Cathy DuShoppe (left in to hit, for some reason) to get the trouble started. Village Mgr/2B August Brown (.276,1,34) doubled in another run after CF Oh-Yoo Suk’s (.241,2,24) single, then LF Justin Thyme (.284,8,47) cleared the bases with a rip right back up the middle that Bully 2B Unstoppable Bob could only blink at. Ballgame. W: Cathy DuShoppe (8-12, 4.37); L: Angry Karl Karlsson (0-1, 4.12); PoG: GRI RF Cherry Berry (1/4, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Your Sunday Supplement June 28

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	54	27	-	.288	438	2.77
Harbour Bay	47	34	7	.288	477	4.45
Bumpkindale	46	35	8	.272	396	4.16
Riverbottom	40	41	14	.287	410	4.22
Citypark	39	42	15	.278	405	4.82
Grimside	36	45	18	.275	414	4.60
Salemwich	32	49	22	.265	324	4.69
West Village	30	51	24	.260	342	5.01

Player of the Week: RIV C Connie Courage (11/24, 2, 9)

AVG: PIG Tuck Thompson .351; RIV Pepper Dotson .350; BUM Amy Earhart .346; HB Boobsy Daniels .344; PIG Spunk Williams .343.

HR: RIV Pepper Dotson 14; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 14; CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 13; HB Buster Lowe 12.

RBI: RIV Pepper Dotson 67; HB Rip Ripperson 65; BUM Amy Earhart 62; CIT Big Ears Lathum 58; PIG Dennis Mitchell 58.

WINS: PIG Prissy Puddin 13; PIG Babe Appleby 12; HB Emma Queen 12; BUM Lute Strummer 12; CIT Suzy Q. Perkins 11.

ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 1.80; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.26; PIG Babe Appleby 2.82; BUM Lute Strummer 3.02; SAL Frowny Malloy 3.14.

K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 128; RIV Kid Ferdinand 102; RIV Mickey Fine 91; BUM Lute Strummer 89; HB Big Nate Wimmer 83.

Tout the Scout Presents: Last Hurrahs?
We’re pretty deep into the season now, on the cusp of the final month’s action. Which regulars might we be seeing in their swan songs? A look at the Preparation H set of starters:

Bumpkindale: SP Hambone Helgersson (33; 6-8, 6.41); Mgr/SP Cueball Smith (33; 8-8, 4.05); C Priscilla Paine (33; .296,9,44).
Citypark: CL Loopy Alice Otter (35; 12, 3.42); LF Ella Goode (40; .345,9,28); CF DJ Jazzy Twan (33; .225,13,47).
Grimside: SP Margarita Lime (35; 5-8, 4.69); LF Dummy Hawhaw (34; .323,5,48).
Harbour Bay: RP Boner McGee (39; 1-3, 4.30); RP Lucy Deuce (37; 3-2, 2.14); SP Dazzy Dandridge (36; 7-7, 6.34); SP Big Nate Wimmer (7-5, 4.30).
Piggville: SS Dennis Mitchell (35; .274,8,58); RF Spunk Williams (35; .343,3,51).
Riverbottom: SP Bling Bling Bermudez (38; 7-9, 4.42); RP Corvette Colette (33; 4-3, 3.24); C Connie Courage (39; .319,6,22); SS Aggie McDaddy (38; .304,6,42); 3B Onion Munyon (34; .327,0,31).
Salemwich: RP Disco Davison (38; 3-6, 8.04); Mgr/RP Bombshell Harrison (35; 4-6, 4.40); RF Y.I. Otta (38; .259,4,16); SS Bucktooth Biggs (35; .228,1,28); 3B Innocence O’Malley (33; .262,11,41).
West Village: RP Miggy McIver (39; 2-2, 5.01); 1B Lanky Longfellow (35; .237,4,39).

[Celtic Forever]

Monday, June 29

Nightmares 7-13 Crabs – Riverbottom SP Bling Bling Bermudez couldn’t even make it through 4 as Harbour Bay unleashed the pain in a wild triumph at The Crab Cage (8,843). Trailing 3-0 thanks in part to a C Connie Courage (.327,7,23) dinger, Bay plated 8 in the 4th to break the game open. Of the 8 runs, 2 were walked in by Bermudez, then RP Conchy Shell came in a surrendered a 3-run triple to 1B Rip Ripperson (.278,9,68). Although never close after that collapse, Riverbottom did have some offensive notables – CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.293,8,34) was 3-for-5 with 2 runs, 2 RBI and 2 SB, and RF Pepper Dotson (.351,15,68) cleared the wall for her FBL-best 15th homer of the year. W: Pebbles Peete (9-6, 3.90); L: Bling Bling Bermudez (7-10, 4.71); PoG: HB SS Snooker Davies (3/5, 2r, 3rbi, 2b).

Bullies 3-8 Blues – West Village erupted for 5 runs in the 2nd to set the stage for a much-needed victory. Oddly, the runs came from non-traditional sources, struggling oldster 1B Lanky Longfellow (.237,4,42) cracking a 3-run double, backed by reserves 3B Hopper Layne (.259,1,13) and LF Tubby Tomlinson (.282,1,20) each producing RBI hits. Grimside was able to pull within 5-3 by the 7th – helped by C April Mae June’s (.204,9,34) 9th homer of the campaign – but an 8th-inning RBI triple by Layne silenced the fears of the Village faithful. W: Hairbow Haley (8-10, 3.78); L: Dooley McCooley (7-10, 4.23); PoG: Hopper Layne (2/3, 2r, 2rbi, 3b).

Hollers 5-4 Burners – A 1st inning, 2-run ripsnort by LF Cale Christianson (.333,3,59) and a 2nd inning triple from reserve C Babydoll Jacobs (.250,0,4) helped propel Piggville to an early 3-0 lead. Salemwich was able to strike back in the 4th, 1B Princess Patsy (.276,4,34) doubling in a pair to pull the Burners within one. Salem had the audacity to take the lead 3 innings later, RBI singles from SS Bucktooth Biggs (.231,1,29) and CF Y.I. Otta (.260,4,17) placing matters at 4-3 for the homestanders. Things stayed that way until the top of the 9th, which Burner SP Trix Galore led off with a walk to RF Spunk Williams, who was then doubled in by SS Dennis Mitchell (.274,8,59). Two outs later the Hollers called on PH Jinxy Jones (.333,0,1) to save them, which she did – hammering Galore’s first pitch right back up the middle to plate Mitchell. There was no response from a downcast Salemwich. W: Babe Appleby (13-6, 2.90); L: Trix Galore (7-11, 3.91); S: Saucy Smothers (9, 3.72); PoG: Cale Christianson (2/4, 1r, 2rbi, hr)

All Stars 4-5 Kin – Bumpkindale 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.329,15,59) hit a dramatic 2-run dinger in the bottom of the 8th to put her team up 5-4 in a first division clash at Kinfolk Korner tonight (9,997). Citypark was just coming off a rally of its own, having scored 3 in the top of the frame – off RBI singles from RF Shortstuff Carter (.221,1,12) and 1B Big Ears Lathum (.328,5,60) – to seize a 4-3 lead. For Mountjoy, the homer places her atop the FBL charts along with Riverbottom’s Pepper Dotson. The game was delayed by rain for 21 minutes in the 8th, knocking starters Suzy Q. Perkins and Cueball Smith out of the game and putting matters in the not-so-capable hands of the relievers. W: Agatha Jewel (5-2, 2.85); L: Gabby Abby Farmer (3-4, 3.71); PoG: Giggles Mountjoy (1/4, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Wednesday, July 1

Crabs 0-1 Hollers – Another game against Piggville, another lost opportunity for bridesmaids Harbour Bay – who were swept the last time these clubs met in a series. Today SP Prissy Puddin shut ‘em down on 6 hits to pick her first win in impressive fashion after a couple of setbacks. The Hollers managed 11 hits off Bay pitching, but only one did any damage – 2B Teddy Toms’ (.203,0,6) 6th inning single that scored SS Dennis’The Menace’ Mitchell. For Harbour Bay, their record against Piggville now stands at 3 up, 9 down - not exactly what’s needed to capture a pennant. W: Prissy Puddin (14-5, 1.71); L: Big Nate Wimmer (7-6, 4.17); S: Saucy Smothers (10, 3.48); PoG: Prissy Puddin (7.2ip, 6h, 0r, 5bb, 6k)

Blues 2-10 All Stars – With Freckles on the mound, West Village’s chances never looked good, and so it proved today as Citypark rolled to victory at Big City Ballpark (6,675). All Stars’ SS Snuggles Henderson (.334,10,44) and 1B Boo-Boo Baker (.299,6,47) each homered to highlight the assault. SP Cowlick Blum picked up his 2nd successive win, holding Village to 4 hits – albeit one was a 1st inning homer to LF Justin Thyme (.285,9,49). W: Cowlick Blum (8-5, 4.11); L: Freckles Fairaway (5-7, 6.73); PoG: Boo-Boo Baker (3/4, 1r, 4rbi, 2b, hr)

Nightmares 4-5 Bullies – An exciting back-and-forth game today between these middle-of-the-packers, all coming down to the final at bat. Riverbottom began the 9th down 4-3, but a 2-out single from 3B Onion Munyon (.332,0,35) brought home pesky CF Snooty Rotheschilde with the tying run. For Grimside CL Angry Karl Karlsson, it marked a 2nd straight blown save. After he got RF Pepper Dotson to ground out and stalked back to the dugout to molest the batting helmets, the Bullies rallied in their half. RP Zippo Cook issued 2 walks, allowing LF Dummy Hawhaw(.318,5,49) to step up to the plate and coolly lace Cook’s first pitch right back through the box, scoring 3B Dumpy Doyle with the winner. W: Angry Karl Karlsson (1-1, 4.35); L: Zippo Cook (4-1, 4.54); PoG: RIV 1B Wally Walleye (3/3, 1r, 1rbi, 2b, 3b)

Kin 7-5 Burners – Coming into Year I the consensus choice for best 1B in the FBL was 1B Tuck Thompson of Piggville. Now, while Tuck has certainly had a fine season to date, he might have to be nudged aside from Top Dog status by Bumpkindale’s own Giggles Mountjoy (.334,16,63). Among Giggles’ 3 hits today was a 9th inning, game-winning 3-run blast 370’ over the rightfield wall that pulled the Kinback from the precipice of a 5-4 defeat. The homer was her 16th of the year – best in the FBL – and puts her in serious contention for the Batter of the Year (BOY) Award, along with Riverbottom’s Pepper Dotson, Piggville’s Tuck Thompson and Kin teammate Amy Earhart. W: Agatha Jewel (6-2, 2,92); L: Lickspittle Scaggs (1-1, 3.77); PoG: Giggles Mountjoy (3/4, 1r, 4rbi, hr)

Now Hear This: The FBL’s Best for June

• Batter: RIV RF Pepper Dotson - .400, 5, 23
• Pitcher: RIV SP Kid Ferdinand – 5-1, 1.73, 31 Ks
• Rookie: RIV CF Snooty Rotheschilde - .345, 4, 18, 27 runs

June’s Best Performances

1.Dennis Mitchell (PIG) 6/6/09: Goes 4-for-4 with 2 HRs, a triple and 6 RBI against Salemwich; Score 96
2.Prissy Puddin (PIG) 6/9/09: Throws a 3-hit, complete-game shutout against rival Harbour Bay; Score 88
3.Cowlick Blum (BUM) 6/5/09: 10 innings of shutout ball with only 4 hits allowed; Score 85
4.Ella Goode (CIT) 6/22/09: Devastates River with a 5-for-5, 5 RBI peformance in 13-7 win ; Score 85
5.Kid Ferdinand (RIV) 6/24/09: Four-hit shutout in a 2-0 win over Salemwich; Score 84

[Celtic Forever]

Crabs 4-6 Hollers – Another tight one, but once more Harbour Bay came up short in their bid to make up any ground against the FBL pack leaders. Piggville’s top 2 guns – 1B Tuck Thompson (.350,10,43) and RF Spunk Williams (.337,3,53) – were held 0-for-6 collectively, though they did draw 4 walks. The breakthrough for the Hollers came in the bottom of the 6th when, leading 3-2, they got an RBI single from SP Ice Cream Jones (.344,0,9), a sac fly from 3B Bossie Clementine (.328,4,32) and a bases-loaded walk to Thompson. That proved insurmountable, though Bay RP Lucy Deuce (.188,0,3) did her best with a 2-run ducksnort in the 8th to provide the final balance. W: Ice Cream Jones (10-3, 3.52); L: Dazzy Dandridge (7-8, 6.40); S: Blondie Ferguson (1, 3.52); PoG: HB C Boobsy Daniels (3/5, 1rbi)

Blues 6-5 All Stars – West Village LF Justin Thyme (.293,9,50) continued his late resurgence with a 4-hit day, now pulling within sniffing distance of the .300 mark. The Blues had drawn ahead 5-3 by the onset of the 6th, but a solo home run hit by Citypark’s CF DJ Jazzy Twan (.225,14,50) put that too-familiar “oh no, here we go …” feeling in the stomachs of the Village faithful. It didn’t take long for the Blues’ reply – a 7th-frame bolt from Thyme between first and second that plated 3B Hopper Layne. CL Heck Martin, as usual, was up to the task of preserving the lead in the 9th. W: Francine Fokker (3-6, 6.78); L: Mondo Cruz (6-6, 4.20); S: Heck Martin (16, 2.59); PoG: Justin Thyme (4/5, 1r, 1rbi).

Nightmares 7-3 Bullies – Riverbottom plated 5 runs in the top of the 7th to take the overall edge in this season series, 7 games to 6. After being completely stymied for 4 innings by Grimside SP Nacho Daddy, a pair of 2-run singles from CF Snooty Rotheschilde (.297,8,36) and RF Pepper Dotson (.349,16,71) blew the game open. Dotson also came through with her 16th homer of the campaign, sharing top honors with Bumpkindale’s 1B Giggles Mountjoy. LF Dummy Hawhaw (.324,5,50) was the only stalwart for the Grimsiders, who never had a consistent answer for up-and-down SP Mickey Fine. W: Mickey Fine (8-9, 4.68); L: Nacho Daddy (8-3, 5.43); PoG: Pepper Dawson (3/5, 1r, 3rbi, 2b, hr)

Kin 3-1 Burners – A stunningly-efficient game for Bumpkindale SP Hambone Helgersson today, as he allowed just one scratch run over a full 9 innings of work. As for the Kin’s offense, 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.336,16,64) was her usual self, ripping 2 hits in 4 plate appearances with an RBI. Teammate RF Thumby Holt (.324,4,40) also came through with three hits – one of them a 2-run dinger in the 4th that put the Kin up 3-0. W: Hambone Helgersson (7-8, 5.99); L: Cutie Capers (3-10, 5.97); PoG: Hambone Helgersson (9ip, 7h, 1r, 0bb, 1k)

Thirsty Thursday Update
Hiccup!

Standings: Piggville 57-27 -, Bumpkindale 8gb, Harbour Bay 9gb, Riverbottom 16 gb, Citypark 17gb, Grimside 20gb, Salemwich 25 gb, West Village 25gb.

Stolen Bases: RIV Snooty Rotheschilde 71; WV Oh-Yoo Suk 59; HB Buckethead Bramble 55; PIG Daisy Mae Hart 52; SAL Muscles Mason 36.

Bases On Balls: PIG Tuck Thompson 86; BUM Killer Carp 67; RIV Onion Munyon 64; HB Rip Ripperson 61; HB Buckethead Bramble 56.

Errors: CIT SS Snuggles Henderson 24; HB 3B Jenny Crush 19; RIV SS Crazy Sara Seine 18; SAL 3B Innocence O’Malley 16; RIV 3B Onion Munyon 13.

Opponent’s Avg: PIG Prissy Puddin .202; PIG Coonskin Tate .218; BUM Lute Strummer .231; PIG Babe Appleby .249; RIV Kid Ferdinand .251; GRI Holy Hale .251.

[Celtic Forever]

Friday, July 3

Crabs 3-4 Hollers [10 inn] – Piggville jumped out to a 2-0 advantage in the 2nd off an RBI triple from 3B Bossie Clementine (.327,4,33) and a run-plating single from reserve 2B Cory Janeway (.375,0,1). It would not be until the top of the 7th that Harbour Bay could muster a retort off SP Coonskin Tate, but it was a dramatic one – RF Buckethead Bramble (.325,9,53) clearing the bases with his 5th triple of the year to put the Crabs up 3-2 late. Could this finally be the day for the Baymen?

Nah. Crab SP Emma ‘Drama’ Queen totally lost it in the 8th, letting the bases load up on singles and a walk, then walking in SS Dennis Mitchell from third with the tying run. A deflated Bay basically rolled over after that, and Piggville put them out of their misery with C Red Harris’ (.238,8,52) RBI single in the 10th, off a dog-tired Queen. W: Blondie Ferguson (5-4, 3.47); L: Emma Queen (12-5, 3.73); PoG: Spunk Williams (4/4, 1r)

Blues 6-2 All Stars – Citypark pitching gave up 14 hits to anemic West Village today in a loss that drew several boos from a disgruntled crowd of 6,712. Opposing SP Cathy DuShoppe, conversely, seems to have found her stride, pitching a complete game and winning her second on the trot after a disastrous 4-game losing streak. Cathy was supported by red-hot 1B Justin Thyme (.303,9,51), who was 4-for-4 with a double, and 2 RBIs supplied by 3B Hopper Layne (.258,1,16). W: Cathy DuShoppe (9-12, 4.25); L: Cal Hobbes (5-15, 4.41); PoG: Cathy DuShoppe (9ip, 6h, 2r, 0bb, 5k)

Nightmares 8-3 Bullies – Riverbottom plated 5 runs in the top of the 1st to effectively end this one early. 3B Onion Munyon (.331,0,36) and C Connie Courage(.304,7,24) each had RBI hits, with 1B Wally Walleye(.298,2,55) thumping a 3-run home run to cap the big inning. While Grimside was being smothered by the effective pitching of SP Kid Ferdinand (now with only 1 loss in his last 8 starts), Riverbottom kept it up, RF Pepper Dotson (.350,17,73) hitting her 17th dinger and LF Imogene Floyd (.274,6,52) her 6th. Grimside’s only hero was LF Dummy Hawhaw (.327,5,52), whose 5th inning 2-run double briefly made a game of it at 6-2. W: Kid Ferdinand (11-10, 3.36); L: Holy Hale (8-10, 3.77); PoG: Wally Walleye (1/4, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Kin 10-0 Burners – Bumpkindale SP Lute Strummer tore through the Salemwich lineup today, recording a 3-hit shutout on 95 pitches. Lute has now won 6 decisions in a row, and leads the FBL with 4 shutouts. He would have had a hard time losing today, with the Kin amassing a 17-hit barrage that included C Priscilla Paine’s (.296,10,47) 10th home run of the year – a 2-run shot in the 9th off demoted former closer Pippi Long. Salemwich manager Bombshell Harrison has now installed herself as closer for the remainder of the campaign. W: Lute Strummer (13-4, 2.85); L: Frowny Malloy (8-6, 3.41); PoG: Lute Strummer (9ip, 3h, 0r, 0bb, 4k).

Now Hear This: Troubled Henderson Sticking with City

Citypark manager Snuggles Henderson, in the spotlight all year long due to her squabbles with demoted star Billy Metro, her instigation of the ‘Juiceball’ fiasco with Harbour Bay and later inciting a riot with that club’s fans, has signed a new deal that will keep her at Big City Ballpark for another 2 years. Her salary will reportedly increase by some $5,000 as well. “I clearly know what I’m doing,” said the 27 year-old, “and once I clean out the trash -” she continued, casting a pointed glance at Metro and CF DJ Jazzy Twan, “you’ll REALLY see something!”

Henderson has hit .329 with 10 dingers and 44 RBI this year, but also paces the FBL with 24 errors in the field. Citypark lies 5th in the standings at 40-45 under her watch, 18 games adrift of leaders Piggville.

Saturday, July 4

Hollers 17-0 Nightmares – You wouldn’t believe it, but this game stood at 3-0 entering the 7th. That’s when Piggville laid waste to SP Bling Bling Bermudez – who gave up 6 runs and 6 walks – and took advantage of hapless RP Zippo Cook, who surrendered 8 hits and 4 walks in just 2 innings of “work”. Not that anyone 1 pitcher could be blamed, as they all got shelled. Bermudez gave up a home run hit to 1B Tuck Thompson (.351,12,46), who also went deep against Cook, and 3B Bossie Clementine (.336,5,40) rattled the bleachers off RP Conchy Shell. For Clementine, the RBI tally was 7 on the day, which marks an FBL single-game record. Oh, P.S. – another nice game for SP Babe Appleby, who notched his 2nd shutout of the year and 5th straight winning decision.

In other news, Riverbottom marked the holiday with fireworks being launched off the deck of the U.S.S. Reliant over the Big Blue River, which was nice, and served sandwiches in red, white and blue buns, which wasn’t. W: Babe Appleby (14-6, 2.77); L: Bling Bling Bermudez (7-11, 4.80); PoG: Bossie Clementine (4/5, 1r, 7rbi, hr).

Burners 13-1 Blues – Not so close in this battle of the basement dwellers, Salemwich doing their best to make sure West Village stays rooted to the bottom of the table. The Burners rang out 19 hits today, 14 of them off SP Hairbow Haley – who was coming off a complete game victory over Grimside last June 29th. The lightweights did the major damage for Salemwich today, SS Bucktooth Biggs (.240,1,34) going 3-for-4 with 2 runs and 4 RBI, while double-play partner 2B Pansy Yeller (.302,1,9) smacked a 3-run homer and brought in a total of 4 herself. For Village, one positive today was the return of 3B Nancy Collagen (.292,1,20) to action. Nancy has been out since June 11th with a bum elbow.

West Village celebrated the Fourth with an exploding firework carousel, which hospitalized 7 overprotective parents with heart attacks and reportedly left 19 children “very scared.” Village says they’ll reconsider their options for next year. W: Trix Galore (8-11, 3.76); L: Haribow Haley (8-11, 4.24); PoG: Pansy Yeller (3/5, 2r, 4rbi, hr).

Kin 6-3 Crabs – Bumpkindale kept their tenuous bridesmaid position over Harbour Bay by hammering out 12 hits in a win at The Crab Cage tonight (10,089). Kin 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.342,17,66) was at the center of it again, belting a 2-run homer in the 5th to break a 3-3 tie. For Giggles, the dinger places her once again in a tie atop the FBL with Riverbottom RF Pepper Dotson on 17. The other hero for Bumpkindale was 3B Killer Carp (.252,2,31), who had his club’s only other extra-base hit (a double) and drove in two himself. Harbour Bay’s cause was not helped by 3B Jenny Crush’s 2 fielding errors, which brings her tally to 21 on the year - 3 behind the FBL’s leading muffer Snuggles Henderson.

Harbour Bay celebrated the Fourth with a wonderful fireworks display over the moonlit waters of the Big Blue Bay. They also arranged for a line of tankers to arrange their deck lights to spell out ‘HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!’ in glittering red, white and blue, which was pretty cool. W: Cueball Smith (9-8, 3.98); L: Pebbles Peete (9-7, 3.94); PoG: Giggles Mountjoy (2/4, 1r, 2rbi, hr).

Bullies 1-5 All Stars – Citypark middle infielders Mgr/SS Snuggles Henderson (.331,10,45) and 2B Big Ears Lathum (.325,5,62) each mustered 2 hits and an RBI to support a fine effort from SP Suzy Q. Perkins tonight at Big City Ballpark (7,825). The only reply Grimside could manage was a 4th inning RBI single from RF Dummy Hawhaw (.330,5,53) – a line drive that slashed right by second-bagger Big Ears before even he could hear it coming.

Citypark went all out for the holiday, contracting with the neighboring skyrises to have them spell out ‘HAPPY FOURTH – AND GOOOOO CITYPARK!’ in red, white and blue lights – quite impressive when you looked out over centerfield from the main grandstand. There was also a flyover during the national anthem by F-14s from the nearby Wilmington naval base, their colored contrails quite striking in the late afternoon sky. W: Suzy Q. Perkins (12-4, 4.39); L: Dooly McCooley (7-11, 4.33); PoG: Suzy Q. Perkins (9ip, 1r, 0bb, 0k)

[Celtic Forever]

Hollers 10-3 Nightmares – Of course, everyone knows that today was special because it features both players in contention for a triple crown – Riverbottom RF Pepper Dotson (.345,17,73) on the hittin’ side and Piggville SP Prissy Puddin on the pitchin’. Dotson was schooled today on an 0-for-3 effort, but admirably laid down a bunt – successfully - when called upon to do so by manager Pasta Pepitone. This, naturally, drew some boos from the home crowd, which provoked some sort of Italian gesture from Pasta which no one understood.
Holler 1B Tuck Thompson (.351,13,47) is the man that stands in Pepper’s way, and he reminded everyone of that with a 431’ drive over the right-centerfield wall in the 3rd that, again, drew boos. No responsive gestures from The Clean Christian, though. SP Prissy Puddin - who, ironically, has teammate/Mgr/SP Babe Appleby standing in her way of the TC, did her bit just fine. Her 15th win puts her one ahead of Appleby on the FBL charts, and there ain’t no one catching her in ERA (1.68) or strikeouts (140).
On a side note, Pig 3B Bossie Clementine (.345,5,45) had 5 RBI today, giving her a whopping total of 12 over the last 2 games. W: Prissy Puddin (15-5, 1.68); L: Pasta Pepitone (6-12, 5.20); PoG: Bossie Clementine (4/5, 1r, 5rbi, 2b, 3b).

Bullies 9-2 All Stars – The scoreline read 1-0 for Grimside when we started the 6th, then the Citypark pitching staff blew up, putting matters beyond all hope of their excellent lineup. Four runs came across in the 4th for the Bullies, helped by a 2-run home run strike from 3B Dumpy Doyle (.288,7,44) and a plating double from Mgr/SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (.284,7,57) – who had 3 doubles today. When the smoke cleared it was 6-1 Grimside entering the 9th, then Bully 1B Curtis Cool (.332,3,28) made it that much worse by slamming his 3rd dinger of the year – a 3-run shot off shaky RP Bruce Li. W: Margarita Lime (6-8, 4.46); L: Cowlick Blum (8-6, 4.07); PoG: Curtis Cool (2/5, 3r, 3rbi, 2b, hr).

Kin 4-5 Crabs – Harbour Bay got home runs from C Boobsy Daniels (.344,10,59) and SS Snooker Davies (.276,2,44) to hold off Bumpkindale tonight at The Crab Corner (9,865). The Kin took a quick 1-0 lead in the 1st when a wild pitch from Big Nate Wimmer allowed LF Russ Parsons to scamper in from 3rd, but Daniels responded in the bottom of the frame with a 3-run clout into the left-centerfield seats. Bumpkindale was able to tie matters at 4-4 in the 4th, helped by an RBI single from 1B Giggles Mountjoy (.342,17,67), but again the Crabs bounced back with the power ball – Davies ripping a SP Katie Currant offering down the leftfield lines and into the stands for a 5-4 lead. Ballgame, baby! W: Big Nate Wimmer (8-6, 4.13); L: Katie Currant (7-5, 4.68); S: Al Good (11, 4.53); PoG: Boobsy Daniels (1/4, 1r, 3rbi, hr)

Burners 15-6 Blues – Well, normally a battle of bottom-suckers wouldn’t provide much to get excited about, but oh, baby, did we get a performance from Salemwich’s 1B Princess Patsy (.287,5,43). The 28 year-old, claimed off waivers from Grimside on May 22nd, rapped 4 hits and 8 RBI – the latter an FBL record – including 3 doubles and a 3-run homer. Magnificent, so much so that the West Village crowd (all 4,366 of them) gave her a standing ovation after her final at bat in the 9th – a groundout to 3B Baldy Brannon. For Village SP Freckles Fairaway, tonight was a nightmare. He gave up 12 runs in just 5 innings, and is getting a rep for being the worst starter in the entire FBL. W: Lovie Smith (4-5, 4.80); L: Freckles Fairaway (5-8, 7.20); PoG: Princess Patsy (4/5, 2r, 8rbi, 3 2bs, hr)


Your Sunday Supplement July 5

Club		Won	Lost	GB	Avg	Runs	ERA
Piggville	60	27	-	.289	481	2.71
Bumpkindale	51	36	9	.274	431	4.08
Harbour Bay	49	38	11	.287	505	4.43
Riverbottom	42	45	18	.287	439	4.46
Citypark	41	46	19	.277	433	4.73
Grimside	38	49	22	.275	438	4.67
Salemwich	34	53	26	.267	362	4.74
West Village	33	54	27	.263	371	5.18

Player of the Week: BUM Giggles Mountjoy (12/24, 4, 12)

AVG: PIG Tuck Thompson .351; BUM Amy Earhart .347; RIV Pepper Dotson .345; PIG Bossie Clementine .344; HB Boobsy Daniels .344.

HR: RIV Pepper Dotson 17; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 17; CIT DJ Jazzy Twan 15; PIG Tuck Thompson 13.

RBI: RIV Pepper Dotson 73; HB Rip Ripperson 68; BUM Giggles Mountjoy 67; BUM Amy Earhart 63; PIG Dennis Mitchell 63.

WINS: PIG Prissy Puddin 15; PIG Babe Appleby 14; BUM Lute Strummer 13; CIT Suzy Q. Perkins 12; HB Emma Queen 12.

ERA: PIG Prissy Puddin 1.68; PIG Coonskin Tate 2.30; PIG Babe Appleby 2.77; BUM Lute Strummer 2.85; RIV Kid Ferdinand 3.36.

K’s: PIG Prissy Puddin 140; RIV Kid Ferdinand 105; BUM Lute Strummer 93; RIV Mickey Fine 92; HB Big Nate Wimmer 92.

Tout the Scout Presents: Best Young Players
A look at the best players aged 25 or less, with ‘Defense’ on a scale of 5=excellent, 1=poor:

1.GRI Mgr/SS Slowey Zoe Zamm (20; .284,7,57; Defense 5)
2.RIV CF Snooty Rotheschilde (21; .298,8,36; Defense 4)
3.CIT SP Cal Hobbes (24; 5-15, 4.41)
4.WV SPCathy DuShoppe (25; 9-12, 4.25)
5.SAL SP Trix Galore (25; 8-11, 3.76)
6.SAL RF Marky Downes (24; .302,0,5; Defense 5)
7.BUM LF Patty Dukes (21; .263,0,6; Defense 3)
8.HB CF Jumpin Jane Lane (19; .200,0,3; Defense 5)
9.WV 3B Baldy Brannon (19; .184,0,3; Defense 2)
10.BUM C Butch Bruiser (24; .221,0,5; Defense 3)

Now Hear This: Again with the Juice

Fresh allegations of ball tampering against Harbour Bay have once more been raised – this time by Bumpkindale manager Cueball Smith. “Boobsy (Bay’s catcher) was clearly replacing some balls the ump handed him with a secret stash he had under his protector. They got some whacks at some pretty lively balls, while we had to make do with the Real McCoy.”
Asked for a reply, Crab manager Al Good said, “First off, who says ‘Real McCoy’ anymore? ******ed. Secondly, I’ll say the same thing I did last time – where’s the proof? Cueball waits until AFTER the game, then runs around raising h-e-l-l with some toy ball he probably stole from Walmart. Whatever.”
Commissioner Buddy Baker, reached by phone, only replied (with a deep sigh) “I’ll look into it.”
Bumpkindale currently leads Harbour Bay by 2 games in the race for second, which would ultimately mean about $50,000 in prize money at season’s close.