Oakland A's 2024 And Beyond Dynasty

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
15 August 2033
Dundee throws magnificent 1-hit shutout as A's finally overhaul the Rangers
By Juan Hit-Shutout, useless opposition correspondent

Oakland starter Brad Dundee last night threw a sensational one-hit shutout to lead his side to a riveting 1-0 win over division rivals Los Angeles Angels. By "riveting", what we really mean is "pretty dull, unless dynamite pitching aided by rookie ball standard batting is what rocks your boat".

Dundee could only pitch at the batters that stepped up to the plate in front of him, of course. And very effectively he did too. He allowed just one hit and one walk from his nine innings, striking out 11 hapless Angels. Despite his fabulous display, his incompetent team-mates in the lineup nearly contrived to deny him the win he so richly deserved. They too were held scoreless through 8 innings, but managed to nick it in the bottom of the 9th when second baseman Herb Childress scampered home on a walk-off RBI single by catcher Chun-mei Leong.

The win elevated the A's to 76-37 on the season. They have been much improved on last year's ultimately successful but nevertheless stuttering campaign, especially in the pitching department. But unfortunately the tenacious Texas Rangers refuse to go away in the battle for the American League West. The A's have steadily pegged them back the last couple of weeks, and last night's opposite-of-a-run-fest victory finally overhauled Texas, giving Oakland a razor thin half game lead. Will losing the division lead break the confidence of the Rangers, or can they fight back and regain their lead? We look poised to see a "squeaky bum time" end to the season.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
16 August 2033
Player in focus: Brad Dundee
After Brad Dundee's recent one-hit shutout pitching performance, our player profiles correspondent, Lou Kingatyoukid finally publishes an article with at least a semblance of topical relevance, and gives us the rundown on the A's starter.

Role
High quality starting pitcher who will probably never quite regain his Cy Young winning form of a few years ago.

Nickname
The OOTP baseball gods somehow came up with 'Notorious'. But in reality, okay in this imaginary universe, everyone just calls him 'Crocodile'.

Career history
Selected by Milwaukee with the 9th overall pick of he 2025 draft, Dundee made his major league debut at the start of the 2027 season. A 7-1 record and 3.09 ERA from 11 starts, and more importantly his league minimum salary, quickly attracted the attention of Oakland GM Paulie Beane, who was looking to cut his payroll. Dundee headed to the Coliseum in trade in June 2007, but his A's career suffered a false start when he got injured a couple of weeks later, missing most of the rest of the season. He was excellent the next year, however, and his performances in 2030, when he went 22-6 with a 2.26 ERA and claimed the American League Cy Young award, will live long in the memory. But then disaster struck. A nasty torn rotator cuff in his final start of the regular season meant he missed the 2030 postseason and the whole of the 2031 season. Dundee found 2032, his first season back, a struggle, but it ended in triumph as the A's won the World Series and Dundee won his third ring. He is contracted to remain with Oakland until the end of the 2036 season.

Career highlights
3 World Series rings (Oakland 2029, Oakland 2031, Oakland 2032)
4 AL Championship pennants (Oakland 2028, Oakland 2029, Oakland 2031, Oakland 2032)
5 AL West pennants (Oakland 2028, Oakland 2029, Oakland 2030, Oakland 2031, Oakland 2032)
1 Cy Young award (2030)
2 all-star selections (2030, 2033)

Hobbies
Saying his catchphrase "That's not a X, that's a X" at every possible opportunity, bog snorkelling.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
1 September 2033
Another rookie of the month award for centre fielder Dalton, as A's open narrow 2-game lead on Texas
By Kanye Winnit, narrow leads correspondent

The scouts aren't massively hot on him: they rate him at a markedly average 2.5 stars with a 2.5 potential. But Oakland centre fielder Ray Dalton is sticking two fingers up at those ungenerous assessments, as he continues to build a strong portfolio of evidence in his bid to be named American League rookie of the year. Dalton's consistent displays last night saw him named AL rookie of the month for August, his third monthly accolade of the season.

Dalton hit .321 with 2 homers and 14 ribbies during the month. Overall this season he has stolen 17 bases from 18 attempts, and in 99 starts in centre field he has committed no errors at all. A's GM Paulie Beane said last night: "It's an unusual treat to see an Oakland rookie batter contribute in all aspects of the game like Ray has this term."

Beane's boys have finally got a lead in the AL West division title race, but they have not exactly established clear water. Yesterday afternoon's 5-3 win over Houston, in which Dalton went 2-5 batting lead-off, put the A's at 85-43, and a slender 2 game advantage over Texas. It's been quite a tussle between the two all season, and Beane's hair seems to have noticeably gone greyer these last few months. He claims it's just the Californian sun bleaching it, but Paulie, you're middle-aged now and kidding no one. Over in the National League, defeated World Series runners-up Washington look certain to get another crack at the postseason, with their 82-45 record being 10 games better than anyone else.

As rosters expanded, Beane also announced that speedy young outfielder Tim Townsend has been promoted to the active roster. He's unlikely to get a plate appearance (sorry to break it to you Timmy, old chap) but will give the A's a potent pinch-running threat.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
8 September 2033
A's take decisive step towards the postseason with series sweep over Texas
By Dee Sysive, bellweather results correspondent

Oakland GM Paulie Beane was all smiles at last night's post-match press conference, after his team wrapped up a potentially crucial 3-0 series sweep over Texas, their opponent in what continues to be a thrilling and enthralling contest for the American League West division title.

The starting rotation, so slated and criticised last season, came through and delivered the goods, big style. Anastasio Vasquez threw 8 scoreless innings in the series opener. Brad Dundee then went 8 innings for 2 runs the next night. And then Carl Bates yesterday went 7 scoreless innings. In total, the A's restricted Texas to just 3 runs across the 3 games. "That's much more like it", said Beane. The wins mean Oakland are now 90-44, while the Rangers are 5.5 games back at 84-49. Given what a right royal battle it's been between the teams, it doesn't feel like that is remotely an unassailable lead for the A's. It also doesn't feel like it because statistically, with over 25 games still to play, it very clearly isn't unassailable.

Meanwhile, Frank Sargent is making this closing malarkey look all rather straightforward. Sargent took over the role after Jose Duran was traded at the all-star break. The 23-year-old lefty already has 17 saves from 17 opportunities. Overall this season, he has a 1.94 ERA, 2.01 FIP and 0.92 WHIP. Sweet. "Jose who?" chuckled a delighted Beane. "Seriously, Jose who? My memory's useless."

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
23 September 2033
Dundee's second shutout of the season moves A's to 99 wins but Brown suffers injury
By Ann Othershutout, lights out pitching correspondent

Wonder arm Brad Dundee delivered another pitching masterclass last night, throwing a magnificent shutout as the A's beat the Angels 5-0 to move to 99-49 for the season. That leaves them on the brink of an eighth 100-win season under the guidance of general manager Paulie Beane. Texas are 6.5 games behind now, and need to produce a special run of form, or a total collapse from Oakland, if they are to make it an exciting climax to a superb regular season tussle.

The Angels have been consistently woeful throughout the Dynastic Era, with just the odd dollop of mediocre-level performance mixed in from time to time. And Dundee was in no mood to show them any mercy, allowing no walks, just 4 hits, and fanning 7. Rookie centre fielder Ray Dalton homered in the very first at-bat of the game, which, thanks to Dundee's brilliance, turned out to be all the offensive production the A's needed to win. Dalton added another home run in his next at-bat in the 3rd inning just for good measure.

Beane was heard cussing disgustingly and at loud volume back at the Coliseum after the game when it emerged that shortstop Liam Brown, who has a .336 OBP this year, with 20 home runs and 83 RBIs, had suffered a high ankle sprain and will miss 4-5 weeks. In a way, serves Brown right for having a high ankle. Oakland will probably need to return to the World Series if he is to have a chance of playing any further part this year. In his tirade of filth, Beane seemed intent on setting a world record for the most swear words stuffed into a single sentence. In its own way, it was impressive.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
2 October 2033
WINNERS! A's finally outlast brave Rangers to claim sixth straight AL West crown
By Ace Work, fine performances correspondent

Oakland and Texas have waged a heroic struggle which has been mano-a-mano all the way this season. Maybe teamo-a-teamo, anyway. The irresistible A's have squared off against the immovable Rangers. And at the end of this gladiatorial contest to end all gladiatorial contests, it's the World Series holders Oakland who have triumphed and won the American League West division. Again. It's a sixth consecutive divisional title for the A's organisation, and what perhaps makes it extra special is that it's the tenth in total under GM Paulie Beane.

It some ways it was a slightly flat way of getting over the finish line for Oakland. With Ray Dalton having joined Liam Brown on the disabled list until the postseason, the A's themselves last night lost narrowly at home, 4-3 to Colorado. But the title was theirs when Texas lost an entertaining slugfest 13-12 to Houston thanks to former A's closer Roy Ellis giving up a 2-out, 2-run homer in the 9th inning. After the game, a gutted Ellis didn't see the funny side of jokes that he must have all along been a fifth columnist working for the A's.

With a week left to play, Oakland are 104-51, but we should probably spare a thought for Texas. The poor old souls are 95-59, the third best record in baseball behind only the two World Series contenders from last year, Oakland and the 101-54 Washington Nationals. Yet now they must face a wildcard lottery game to make the playoffs. Unlucky, punks.

In other news, Brad Dundee was named AL pitcher of the month for September. That is all.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
11 October 2033
A's gear up for attempt to three-peat with sweep over Houston to end regular season
By Red E. Tothreepeat, postseason preparations correspondent

GM Paulie Beane couldn't hide his delight at last night's press conference. He was speaking to reporters after his A's squad ended their successful regular season campaign with a 3-0 series win versus Houston, finishing atop the American League West division with a 109-53 win record. The previous two times Oakland finished with 109 wins, in 2023 and 2029, they went on to win the World Series. But Beane dismissed this encouraging statistic. "I don't believe in omens, fate, destiny, all that hocus pocus nonsense", he said. "These past factoids are irrelevant to the forthcoming playoffs. What I do believe in is these lads' ability to go out there and get the job done. I also believe the playoffs are largely a lottery, though. You always need a bit of luck to win out. I'm so pleased with how we've played this year, and I hope we can make our own luck."

There was a nice piece of good news, as centre fielder Ray Dalton returned from injury earlier than Beane and physio Walter Proofplasters had feared. Free agent winter signing Vicente Garcia had done a good job helping Jean-Francois Pelletier cover the position the last couple of weeks, but goes back to the minors to make way for Dalton to play in the divisional series. In that series, Oakland will play either Cleveland, if they beat Texas in the wildcard game, or AL East winners Boston. Beane announced that Brad Dundee, Antonio Perez and Anastasio Vasquez will be his primary starters during the postseason. Carl Bates will be the fourth starter, playing when the other three are not at full fitness. Supposed "ace" Greg Carter and his 4.62 ERA will be pitching out of the bullpen. Beane also took time out to praise his batters for what he described as Oakland's best season for offense ever. Led by Pepe Rios, Luis Trujillo and Dennis Hawkins, they set new franchise season record marks for overall batting average (.287), on-base percentage (.348), slugging (.458), and, zero surprise given the previous two figures, on-base plus slugging (.807).

Oakland fans' came over all sentimental yesterday, when it was announced that their former outfielder Mookie Betts would be retiring shortly. Betts joined the A's as a free agent for the 2022 season, and was a key cog in the Oakland machine that won the World Series in 2023 and 2024. He left after that year when his contract expired, joining Detroit for a salary greater than the A's were willing and able to compete against. He finished his 20-year MLB career warming the bench in Colorado. He may have only played three seasons at the Coliseum, but he played a vital role in launching the last decade of success the club has enjoyed. For that all us Oakland supporters will forever be grateful. Merci, Mookie, et adieu.

The final playoff picture is as follows.

American League
AL East winners: Boston (87-75)
AL Central winners: Detroit (92-70)
AL West winners: Oakland (109-53)
Wild cards: Texas (101-61), Cleveland (84-78, beat Tampa Bay in a playoff for the spot)

National League
NL East winners: Washington (103-59)
NL Central winners: Pittsburgh (93-69)
NL West winners: San Diego (86-76)
Wild cards: NY Mets (88-74), Miami (87-75)

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
18 October 2033
A's breeze past Indians to reach umpteenth American League championship series
By Ivor Lostcount, mathematical difficulties correspondent

The A's have reached the American League championship series yet again, after sailing serenely past Cleveland 3-0 in their divisional series encounter. They were barely troubled, starters Brad Dundee, Antonio Perez and Anastasio Vasquez all throwing quality starts.

The one sticky patch for Oakland came in the second game. Perez allowed just 2 runs in his 8 innings of work, and, when the A's scored 2 runs in the bottom of the 8th, it was 5-2 Oakland and it looked all over. But, having got 2 outs in the top of the 9th, young closer Frank Sargent suddenly had what is known in the trade as a "horrendous shocker", giving up 3 runs to tie the game up at 5-5. Reliever Porter Hawkins did something that doesn't usually come naturally to him, and pitched two scoreless innings, and victory was Oakland's when William Morris, inserted by Phil D'Manager as a pinch hitter for Gabriel Villanueva, smashed a walk-off 2-run home run in the bottom of the 11th. The disappointed Indians promptly allowed 4 runs in the top of the 1st as the teams headed to Ohio for the third game, and that was the series lost.

We in the Telegraph office weren't sure how many times Oakland have now reached the AL championship game in recent years. Mainly because when counting we ran out of fingers. We phoned up A's analyst Mike Rosoft-Excel to find out the definitive answer, and were astonished to be told this is the twelfth time in the last thirteen seasons. Great work.

In the next round, the A's will now face Detroit, who were the last team to defeat them in a playoff series, in 2030 en route to a World Series win. Oakland suffered a blow when shortstop Liam Brown had a setback in his recovery from his mysterious high ankle sprain, and will miss the entire Detroit series. Stupid high ankles.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
31 October 2033
Three-peat dreams ended as Detroit edge past Oakland in dramatic championship series seventh game
By May B. Nextyear, optimism correspondent

Oakland GM Paulie Beane has definitely mellowed these last few years. Rewind a decade, and a seventh game playoff series defeat would certainly have been a precursor to loud ranting, smashed iPads, destroyed furniture, and the general physical abuse of any inanimate object with the bad luck of being situated within a baseball bat's throw of Beane's desk. But last night's defeat to Detroit in the final, deciding game of the American League championship series instead had Beane reflecting positively on an exciting and pretty successful season, and looking optimistically to the future. He provided more interesting copy to us journalists in the past.

"We'll lose a number of our guys to free agency, but they're mainly backups like Juan Jimenez, Thomas McConnell and Juan Torres. Our best players will all be back next season, so I expect us to contend again. Hopefully that means we can deliver an exciting year for the fans", said Beane. This seemed to come as news to the crestfallen Jimenez, McConnell and Torres.

Oakland catcher Miguel Rojas dominated the opening game, walloping 9 RBIs on a grand slam, 3-run homer and 2-RBI double. Detroit struck straight back with a 1-0 win, and then thrashed the A's 16-7 in game three. Carl Bates led Oakland to a 6-0 shutout in the next match, and the series was square once more. Game five was always going to be crucial, and it contained a sickener for Beane's mob. A tied game was settled when the Tigers scored 3 unearned runs in the 8th inning after an error by Thomas McConnell. But the A's responded again, winning the next game 4-2, and so the two teams came back yesterday for the seventh and deciding game.

It started well for Oakland. Centre fielder Jean-Francois Pelletier, who went 3-4 on the day, hit a 2-RBI triple as the A's opened an early 3-1 lead in the 2nd. After 6 innings, they still led by 2 runs, and looked all set to reach the World Series yet again. It wasn't to be. Starter Anastasio Vasquez allowed 1 run in the 7th and then 2 more in the 8th, and Detroit had a 6-5 lead. In the bottom of the 9th with 2 outs, Pelletier and pinch hitter Tony De Jesus both singled to give the A's a late dash of hope. But, up at the plate and with the chance to make himself a hero, rookie of the year candidate Ray Dalton could only lob one up to left field, and Oakland were out.

So Detroit head for a World Series encounter with San Diego, while Oakland lick their wounds and attempt to come back stronger next year. Beane seems confident about that - but we shall see.

[Paulie123]

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[Paulie123]

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[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
10 November 2033
Padres win the World Series after seventh game thriller against Detroit
By Sandy Eygo, southern California correspondent

The San Diego Padres last night won the World Series, their first of the Dynastic Era, after a drama-filled 7-3 win over the Detroit Tigers in the seventh and deciding game.

I'm afraid we can't tell you any more about the series. As an Oakland-based and entirely Oakland-focused newspaper we didn't bother to send any correspondents to cover it, and indeed none of us so-called sports journalists even bothered to watch it on television. We only know the score because one of the sub-editors read it on ESPN's website.

What we can confidently say, however, is that San Diego's victory marks the end of another exciting season. The players can take a well-earned rest. Although, given that this is an imaginary parallel universe and most of the players don't exist except as a series of 1s and 0s inside an iPad, they can't really take a rest. But you know what we mean. While the players rest and relax, their front office colleagues can do anything but. This is where the action really starts to hot up for Paulie Beane and his general manager counterparts at the other clubs. What wheeling and dealing will they all do to get their teams ready to challenge in 2034? There's only one way to find out. No, not look on the ESPN website, although of course that is a much better way than I had in mind. I meant, stay right here with the Telegraph. Please. Cherry on top.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
18 November 2033
Awards triple for Perez, Dalton and Beane
By Si Jung, hot hurling correspondent

Oakland colleagues Antonio Perez, the starting pitcher, centre fielder Ray Dalton and general manager Paulie Beane all walked away with mantlepiece fillers at last night's MLB end of season awards dinner.

24-year-old Cuban hurler Perez claimed the most prestigious prize, the 2033 American League Cy Young award. His 20 wins and 3.06 ERA were both second ranked in the league. After Jose Fernandez in 2026, Karl Dickson in 2028 and his team-mate Brad Dundee in 2030, Perez now becomes the fourth different A's starter to win the Cy Young in the past eight seasons. We can safely say that Beane can pick a pitcher. Perez's agent will be cursing himself for persuading his client to sign a monumentally club-friendly $10.5m per year deal last December, which begins next season. Oakland's front office are still sniggering at high volume about that.

Dalton followed up his three rookie of the month awards by claiming the AL rookie of the year trophy. Hitting .298 for 12 homers and 70 RBI was enough. If previous Oakland winners of the award are any guide, this accolade sets up Dalton nicely for a future career of underwhelming underachievement.

Beane, meanwhile, won his ninth manager of the year awards. Famously meh about winning this title, he uses the trophies as book ends and doorstops. He'd also use them as paperweights, except no one under the age of 75 ever uses paperweights, even in a fictional baseball chronicle.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
3 December 2033
Monster trading day sees Oakland acquire superstars Strickland and Gonzales, as Carter, Morris, Boyd and Byrd depart
By Mora Andmoretrades, trading frenzy correspondent

Oakland fans were left stunned and a little shellshocked yesterday after GM Paulie Beane completed a series of multi-player trades with Boston, Pittsburgh and Chicago Cubs, which have made his roster younger and, at the same time, stronger for next year. Rather than describe all the individual trades, which will take a while and make for a fairly dull read, let's just summarise the main personnel changes on the rosters. This may still be fairly dull, admittedly.

In the rotation, consistently inconsistent starting pitcher Greg Carter has departed for Boston, and replaced by 25-year-old righty Felipe Gonzales, who has arrived from the Pirates. Gonzales was the 4th overall pick of the 2029 draft. Last season he went 15-11 with a 4.08 ERA, but the A's are gambling on that being a down year, with scouts rating him the second best starter in the major leagues behind St. Louis's James Groves. Gonzales is on $15m this coming year, but still has three years of club control remaining in total so Beane will presumably aim to lock him up to a long-term deal.

Corner outfielder William Morris has also been traded, and replaced by Boston's superstar right fielder Serio Strickland. The 23-year-old left hander Strickland was the number one overall draft pick in 2031 and is already a two-time all-star. Scouts rate him the best corner outfielder in the majors, even ahead of Washington's batting record breaker Roberto Martinez. Last season he had a .410 on-base percentage and 1.012 OPS. He smoked 134 RBIs. He too is on $15m for 2034, after being a super-two qualifier for arbitration, but then has a further three years of club control remaining. He combines an incredible ability to make contact with great power. Yes, he sounds the opposite of a typical A's batter. A's fans, still remembering earlier in Beane's reign when the team specialised in grinding out low-scoring games, can't quite believe the look of the top half of their lineup now. Batting in positions 2 to 5 in their first choice line-up will be Dennis Hawkins, Luis Trujillo, Pepe Rios and Strickland. When they're on form they will be lethal.

Righty set-up reliever Nathan Boyd was moved to Boston as part of the deal to bring in Strickland. Beane didn't want to lose the highly rated 26-year-old, but felt with the likes of Esteban Mendez and Jin-woo Ni in the minors, he could be replaced almost like for like without weakening the relief corps very much. Mendez is the lucky man who gets the nod from Beane to start 2034 in the bullpen. Porter Hawkins, after a much improved season last year, takes on Boyd's righty set-up role.

Beane also tried to strengthen his portfolio of prospects in these trades. Arriving with Strickland from Boston is 1B prospect Donald James, a first round pick in 2029, while shortstop prospect Austin Allen, the tenth overall pick in 2032, joined from the Cubs. Both are projected to 4* potential by A's hitting coach Noah Hitter. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but we'll see. Oakland also bagged centre field prospect Peter Hamilton as part of the Strickland/James trade. Harrison was the #64 prospect at the start of this year.

Also departing the club were reserve starting pitcher Joe Byrd, who wasted one too many chances to secure a permanent berth on the A's active roster, and former first round draft pick Mark Jones, who was usurped as Trujillo's first base understudy by James.

Insiders say that a caffeine-propelled Beane somehow also found time these past few days to make contract offers to free agents, although this has not been formally confirmed by the club. His most pressing concern is a infield reserve to replace Juan Jimenez on the roster, with former Mets and Phillies shortstop Jake Smith believed to be Beane's first choice. Beane also reportedly offered contracts to outfielder Vicente Garcia and infielder Toyokazu Watanabe to return to the club as backups.

A breathless and breathtaking day for A's fans. It means their club will certainly enter the 2034 season as one of the favourites, but will they be able to live up to the hype? And can we ever write an article of this length without ending in a question or three? Well can we?

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
27 December 2033
Happy Christmas for Beane as he lands all his free agent targets
By Fr Chris Mass, presents correspondent

Oakland GM Paulie Beane told reporters last night that he had yesterday completed all his planned offseason business in preparation for the 2034 season. To round off a productive month's work, he has given himself a Christmas present of four nice free agents, which will go nicely on his mantelpiece alongside his earlier superstar trades.

The keynote addition was the expected arrival of infielder Jake Smith, formerly of the Mets and Phillies parishes. The 27-year-old was the third overall draft pick in 2024 by New York, but has never quite fulfilled that early promise. Fabulous defensively, he won a gold glove at second base a few years ago, but unfortunately his desire to prevent hits and runs apparently extends to his offensive approach also, as he doesn't like getting bat on ball very much. However, he's a great baserunner and has a decent eye. Barring injury, he'll start the season as second infield reserve behind Gabriel Villanueva. Smith signs on a three-year deal for a cut-price $2.5m per annum.

Beane's other gifts to himself - is it any wonder he's still a bachelor given his famous impatience in any activity he undertakes and generosity only to self - comprised three former players resigning as backups. 34-year-old starting pitcher Denny Miller, 29-year-old outfielder Vicente Garcia and 30-year-old middle infielder Toyokazu Watanabe all join the A's minor league roster for a combined salary in 2034 of $5.2m. That sounds a lot for a small market team to be paying for three reserves, doesn't it. Well, the A's $160m payroll budget might be the smallest in the entire majors these days, but it is still much less small market than it was at the beginning of Beane's time in charge. Their 2034 payroll would be $140m without these players, so Beane, happily working for an imaginary owner, Ban-ki Rupt, who, being imaginary, has no interest in the scale of any profit the club might make and is wired only to be concerned about staying within the budget, effectively had money to throw away. So Beane did.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
8 April 2034
Stats Amazing: Best MLB regular season records
As a new season draws closer, we felt we needed to give Joe Nahill, this organ's resident sabermetrician, something to do. Keeps him off the streets, after all. Someone in this morning's editorial conference thought it would be interesting for Joe to pull together a list of the teams who sported the best regular season won-lost records in each year of the Dynastic Era of baseball. It would certainly be interesting for a nerd like Joe; whether it would be for the rest of us is another matter. But here goes anyway.

2015 - Pittsburgh, 99-63
2016 - Miami and St. Louis, 97-65
2017 - Chicago Cubs, 96-66
2018 - Washington, 97-65
2019 - Pittsburgh, 97-65 (^)
2020 - Philadelphia, 97-65
2021 - Minnesota, 110-52 (*)
2022 - Minnesota, 115-47 (^)
2023 - Oakland, 109-53 (*)
2024 - Atlanta, 97-65 (^)
2025 - Minnesota and Texas, 101-61 (^)
2026 - Oakland, 108-54 (*)
2027 - Toronto, 106-56
2028 - St. Louis, 110-52 (^)
2029 - Oakland, 109-53 (*)
2030 - Oakland, 112-50
2031 - St. Louis, 108-54
2032 - Washington, 97-65
2033 - Oakland, 109-53

Asterisks denote where the team with the best record has gone on to win the World Series. So in 19 years of Dynastic Era play, the best team over 162 games has won the lot only 4 times. As a percentage that's, erm, let's see, um, where's my calculator, oh, erm... 21% of the time. Eight teams make the playoffs proper in a season, so if it was entirely random the best record team would win, erm, this should be easy, um, come on now, ah yes, 12.5% of the time. So the best teams have won the playoffs not much more frequently than by complete chance.

The funny little pointy hat thingies denote where a wildcard team has won the World Series. That's 5 times out of 19 seasons, which is, ah, getting the hang of this now, 26%. Two of the eight postseason proper teams are wildcards, so if the postseason was random they'd win 25% of the time.

Hmm. Small sample size, admittedly. But whoever said the postseason wasn't a crapshoot?

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
9 April 2034
A's post Reynolds at #1 and Boone at #2 in BNN's latest top 100 prospects list
By Shirley Not, implausibility correspondent

As if being the dominant team over the past decade wasn't enough, Baseball News Network's latest top prospects guess, sorry, list suggests that Oakland's dominance may continue for a while yet. For starting pitcher Palmer Reynolds and catcher Dave Boone were placed at #1 and #2 respectively in the 2034 list. GM Paulie Beane said, "I've always felt the BNN list is a wonderfully valuable and accurate compilation, albeit only when some of our prospects score highly. So obviously I think this year's list is especially brilliant."

There was some hope for the rest of the league, however, as the A's failed to have any prospects selected in the places just outside the top ten. Pitchers Jin-woo Ni (#40), John Price (#41) and Angel Martinez (#49) look to be slightly hard done by in their rankings, while shortstop Austin Allen and centre fielder Peter Harrison also look to have more promise than their ratings of #58 and #60 might suggest. Donald James's 83 days of service time with former club Boston is presumably the only reason for his otherwise inexplicable omission from the list. BNN denied that their list compiler Mya Crowsoft-Word's recent divorce from A's analyst Mike Rosoft-Excel had any bearing on the Oakland players' positions.

Minor league coach Ron Washington-Deecy was awarded Oakland's highest mark of recognition for his performance in developing the club's young players, a bonus (before tax and pension contributions of course) of $100. His bank manager was delighted, because Washington-Deecy deposited the money in his account and in the process doubled the bank's level of capital reserve.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
10 April 2034
A's start as hot favourites to win American League West for seventh straight year and should mount strong World Series challenge
By Justin Guessing, clueless correspondent

Oakland had a brilliant regular season in 2033, racking up 109 wins along the way, only to fall to playoff nemesis Detroit in the American League championship series. GM Paulie Beane has been hyperactive over the offseason, bringing in superstars Felipe Gonzales and Sergio Strickland in trades which appear to have made his roster both younger and better. They are top, top players and the team surely start as hot, hot favourites to win the tough, tough AL West division once again.

Rotation: Lights out. Well, if the scouts have any clue what they're talking about, anyway. Admittedly that's a fairly big if, as Oakland, of all clubs, should know. The rotation is basically five number one starters. After winning the 2033 Cy Young, Antonio Perez (24/R/4.5*, 20-6 WL, 3.06 ERA in 2033) will pitch on opening day, but new acquisition Felipe Gonzales (25/R/5*, 15-11, 4.08), who's replaced the oft-ineffective Greg Carter, is probably the club's best pitcher. Former Cy Young winner Brad Dundee (30/R/4.5*, 19-9, 3.26) can't believe he's only a number three starter on a pitching staff, but such is the quality here. Anastasio Vasquez (23/L/4.5*, 17-8, 3.17) is the token lefty benefitting from Beane's irrational fear of having an all-righty rotation. Carl Bates (23/R/4.5*, 12-7, 3.39) continues to have the stamina of a sloth, but pitches very nicely indeed, when he can be bothered, the wimp.

Bullpen: It's been excellent the last couple of years, but with Nathan Boyd gone it's looking shakier this season and could be an Achilles heel. Closer Frank Sargent (24/L/4.5*, 6-2, 2.53, 22 SV) can throw nine-strike innings. The set-up men, Porter Hawkins (26/R/5*, 6-2, 2.25) and Gonzalo Avila (26/L/5*, 3-1, 3.20), are devastating at their best and iPad-bashingly awful at their worst - which vintages will show up this year? In middle relief, Mario Plourde (23/R/3.5*, 2-0, 2.96) will step up into the rotation in the event of injuries to the starting five. Brandon Lee (21/R/5*, 5-0, 3.73) and his missile-speed pitches improved a lot during last season. The other two pen members, Esteban Mendez (24/R/5*, 1-0, 6.75) and Armando Rodriguez (29/L/4.5*, 0-0, 4.50) need to show that they're not just simply keeping roster spots cosy and warm for Jin-woo Ni and Angel Martinez while they continue their development.

Catcher: Miguel Rojas (29/S/3*, .354 OBP, 11 HR, 42 RBI in 2033) is entering his fifth season as Oakland's starting catcher. He's in the rather awkward position of being asked to mentor the man who will sooner or later take his place in the lineup, Aaron's less whiny cousin, Dave Boone (24/S/2.5*, .295, 2, 4).

Infield: Luis Trujillo (28/R/4*, .351, 31, 117) has missed just 6 games in 4 seasons from first base, and is officially in the "club stalwart" category. At second base is the man not quite called Kerb Childrens, Herb Childress (23/R/3.5*, .345, 11, 74). Fellow speedosaurus rex Tony De Jesus (23/R/3.5*, .307, 4, 29) plays third base, while shortstop is the ever-improving Liam Brown (27/R/4.5*, .336, 20, 83). Proving that not every fifth round draft pick as an MLB Manager is an utter waste of time and that at least once a decade someone tolerably average at major league level comes through, is infield reserve Gabriel Villanueva (25/R/1.5*, .346, 12, 44). Second reserve Jake Smith (28/R/4*, .292, 14, 61) hilariously wants to bat lead off, apparently oblivious to the concept that lead off hitters generally should have at least some competence of getting on base.

Outfield: Incoming! A's fans sitting beyond the outfield are not used to taking cover when their team bats, but they might need to start wearing their tin hats when the outfielders step in front of the plate. Batting at four and five in the lineup are superstars Pepe Rios (25/L/5*, .415, 18, 104), who plays designated hitter, and recently traded-for right fielder Sergio Strickland (23/L/5*, .410, 36, 134). Veteran Dennis Hawkins (32/L/2.5*, .392, 26, 88) keeps rolling along and moves across to left field to make way for Strickland in right. He's about to start his ninth season at the Coliseum, but looks to be starting to decline and may not get to ten. Rookie of the year centre fielder Ray Dalton (24/S/2.5*, .351, 12, 70) is presumably about to have a frustrating down year following his breakout season. Weakest of the bunch is outfield reserve Jean-Francois Pelletier (24/L/2*, .261, 1, 12). Beane seems to have forgotten about Rob Dyment, who's back in the minors, while Vicente Garcia returns to the club.

The 2034 A's have their traditional strong pitching outfit, but now, with the addition of Strickland, Beane appears to have constructed an unusually potent batting lineup as well. They will surely be there or thereabouts. But there are chinks in the armour; the bullpen looks to be more suspect than in recent seasons, and defensively the team is good but not spectacular as Beane appears to have recruited players who are good but not great in the field in favour of better production at the plate. And heavily-fancied teams don't always live up to expectations, do they Matt Williams?

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
24 April 2034
Solid start from A's as offense and bullpen dominate
By O. K. Sofar, tentative assessments correspondent

The Oakland A's have made a good start to the new season, finishing the opening fortnight at 8-4. That puts them a game and a half behind the early American League West division leaders the LA Angels, who are on 10-3. Despite their big budget, the Halos have famously failed to make a playoff appearance in the entire nineteen years of the Dynastic Era. They have a young and dynamic batting lineup and a solid starting rotation, and if their bullpen holds up they look able to make a strong challenge to break that sorry record.

Oakland's strengthened batting lineup has scored an impressive 70 runs in the 12 games so far. Meanwhile, the defense has conceded just 36. The bullpen, seen preseason as the team's potential weakest link, has given the pundits what for with some superb displays. Overall, the pen has allowed just 6 earned runs from 39.2 innings pitched. Pick of the ripe bunch has been blink-and-you'll-miss-it-screaming-past-your-nose pitcher Brandon Lee, who has allowed no runs and just two hits from his 8.2 innings.

[Paulie123]

The Oakland Telegraph
5 May 2034
Ni promoted to active roster as Bates ruled out for three months
By Drew Blownawaybythe-Brees, sporting wimps correspondent

Oakland's most delicate flower, starter Carl Bates, has been ruled out for three months with a torn meniscus. No idea what that is, I'm afraid, and it goes against the finest journalistic traditions of this newspaper to actually be bothered to even google it to find out. Bates, famously a fragile wet weekend, broke down towards the end of his spell in last night's 6-2 victory over the Astros. He'd actually pitched well, throwing 6 innings for just a single earned run, but the man once rumoured to have suffered a broken bone when a team-mate coughed in his direction, couldn't throw any more on the night. He now won't throw any more for another three months according to club physio Walter Proofplasters. Let's see if his injury absence suspiciously lasts exactly three calendar months.

Mario Plourde steps out of the pen and into the rotation in Bates's #5 starter position. And young relief talent Jin-woo Ni, whose surname is autocorrected to "in" with irritating frequency, comes into the bullpen. Pitching coach Ace Onballs has concerns over Ni's control, but the lad has terrific stuff.

Oakland have continued their steadily effective season. Where last year they waged an almighty battle with Texas for the American League West division, this season they look to be heading for a toe-to-toe struggle with the Los Angeles Angels. The Angels are 16-7, giving them a narrow half game lead.