Country Fried Baseball League

[tacklesspoem8]

There was a group of men sitting around in a bar in Atlanta watching the wild card game between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Atlanta Braves. The Cardinals were in the field when a ball that was hit 20 + feet into the of was called an infield fly. The bar erupted with anger and resentment over the horrible call, and as they left the bar that night many felt MLB was run by a bunch of yankee Lovers. Just to be clear here they did not mean the New York Yankees but all teams north of Kentucky, or one of those hippie states like California or Florida.

As the world woke up the next day the backlash in the "true" south was loud, proud and ready to secede from the baseball union. Bud selig got on MLB network and talked about the call saying mistakes happen and the umps do the best job they can and that fans in Atlanta would have to see that baseball is not perfect in practice but it is still the best game in the world.

Over the course of the playoffs the questions of the play were glossed over on mlb and espn and many felt that the focus was too much on the Detroit Yankees umm i mean tigers and them cheating redbirds who eventually lost to the hippies from california proving they weren't good enough to be there in the first place. Yep like the hippies say karma ( whatever that is) is a blank.

By the time the World Series was over and the tiggers had "won" the outrage across the south over a single call had blossomed into a full-fledged debate of multiple issues where the southern fans felt looked over. On November 7 2012 the league of southern fans was formed for the sole purpose of giving the Darn Yankees a piece of there very angry mind and there first and to be honest only real act was to list there complaints in every major paper from Nashville to New Orleans, that list of complaints is included hear:

1. Only one team in the southeast even though it comprises one-fifth of the U.S. and no Florida doesn't count.

2. MLB is run by big city lawyer types and can't relate to real southern gentleman cuz they throw around them big words like arbitration and such and no god-fearing man has a clue what they mean.

3. One team seriously what bout new orleans

4 Mississippi likes baseball to

5. Alabama also


While no one is claiming that this is the most well thought out argument ever presented it did seem to resonate with a certain population base ( you know who you are) and with 13 men in particular.


P.S. This should go without saying but this is intented to be funny not hurtful or even disrespectful. I like Yankees for the most part and Hippies have the best parties although they could take a bath occasionally. Seriously though hope you enjoy the story

[tacklesspoem8]

Billy Bob Rogers was a manager of the Piggly Wiggly in Mobile Alabama in the fall of 2012, when he read the article in his local paper by the league of Southern Fans he saw an oppurtunity to do what was right. At the company meeting that was coming up in November 28th he decided he would teach the world how southern men get things done. He proposed that Piggly Wiggly form their own baseball League representing the South and giving it its due respect. To entice the head honchos in charge of Piggly Wiggly he suggested the team names could be representative of items that you can buy at your local store and that The Championship could be called the Piggly Wiggly series.

Owners of the Piggly Wiggly loved the idea and got together with 12 of their great food suppliers to produce the new Country Fried Baseball League to start play in 2013. There were many things to decide including who would run the teams, how to get players with limited budgets and where to base the teams. One thing was for sure though, words like arbitration would not be involved. Billy Bob was rewarded with a job working for the first team selected as there gm, they were based out of Mobile and would be backed by the Company Feeling Froggy. Feeling Froggy is the United States chief( read only) supplier of quality frog legs to grocery stores across the country, okay maybe only piggly wiggly buys from them but they would ship across the country if anybody ordered something. The team will be referred to as the Bullfrogs and will wear uniforms like this.






The rest of the league will be announced shortly and we will then look forward to opening day

[tacklesspoem8]

The CFB announce the name of one of their 2 divisions today. The League wanted to make their fan base feel welcome at the park and also wanted to capture the feel of the area in which the teams play. So without futher ado, whatever that means I give you the Grits & Gravy Division. Now this makes this reporters stomach growl yum yum.

In a separate press conference today League offices unvieled the second team in as many days this one based in Montgomery, Alabama. Montgomery is the home too one of the largest catfish ponds in the united states, the pond is owned and operated by the richest man is Alabama and a close personal relative of mine ( 2nd cousin twice removed) Johnny Lee Atkins. Now Johnny owns and operates the ponds and just recently added a factory so now he can cut, debone, and package the catfish all by himself . Now some folks would say that gettin your business a name is putting on airs and thinking your better than every one else, I think it is just good fashioned sense and that what I told cousin Johnny last week. He went with the simple but elegant name of Atkins catfish incorporated, not to be confused with that silly diet them yankees do. Well when we found out about the team we decided that the Montgomery Mudcats was the perfect name and would help Johnny grow his business outside of Alabama.





Well that is all from us here in Montgomery and we hope to see y'all rootin for our mudcats

[tacklesspoem8]

Jackson has long clamored for two things: A professional Sports team and a signature food item, Today they guy who gave them one got them the 2nd. Bobby Joe Gentry has been a part of the Jackson community for 20 years now, and has put Jackson on the map with his wonderful Hamburger alternative that mixes Jackrabbit and Antelope meat. With over 2000 packages sold annually the so called Jackalope burger is meaty, tangy, and doesn't taste like those so-called tofu burgers they sell up North. I mean what the heck kinda critter is a tofu anyways I personally think it is just ground up rats, but that is just my humble opinion. Now the Jackalope Meat Company is proud to bring there winning product to baseball stadiums across the CFB and sponsor Jackson's own Jackalope's.





Well that is all you need to know about things here in Jackson and we now have 3 teams out of 12 done all to be a part of the Grits & Gravy Division

[tacklesspoem8]

Atlanta will be the fourth city to get a CFB franchise and the MLB is not happy about it, In a report seen first on MLB network Bud Selig had this to say " Atlanta is the Braves town and while I am all for competition these Hillbillies have no idea who there trying to mess with. We (mlb) will not give an inch in the Atlanta the CFB should have put there franchise somewhere else. When League Representative were asked to respond at CFB headquarters today, the only response was a comment from a young intern who probably speaks with no authority when he popped off with Darn Yankees better bring their big guns early cuz you don't talk to us like that.

Atlanteans were sparse at the press conference today but new Anglers owner Leroy Williams seemed to take that in stride. Leroy was all smiles and stated " Fans are like fish, you gotta get a good bait and then you wait for the dumb fish to realize it is good, A good Angler knows that fishing is at least 80% sitting round, drinking beer, and waiting for the 20% to happen. Leroy knows fishing, as he owns and operates the world champion bass fishing team who supplies piggly wiggly with all their bass needs. The Atlanta based Anglers inc. is a small operation but is now the proud sponsor of the Atlanta Anglers.





Just two teams left in the Grits and Gravy division and the competition is fierce for the spots.

[tacklesspoem8]

Birmingham is home to a unique enterprise, as the only RoadRunner egg farm in the United States they produce all of the eggs for piggly's . When asked what the hardest part about running the farm was Owner Jimmy Mack said " catching the birds i mean they are fast and wily, so thats why we use coyotes to corral them kinda like sheep dogs. He went on to talk about baseball and why he tried so hard to get a franchise " The league is going to be a lot of fun, I am already working on adding a Nascar Race inside the park at one of our home games. Now whether that isn't even feasible it is obvious to this reporter that the place to be in Birmingham this summer is Birmingham Ballpark home of the RoadRunners and the fastest egg sandwich in the world.






An hour later in New Orleans the Gator Tails and Souvenir shop announced that they would also be sponsoring a team in the CFB and owner Leland James was on hand to answer any questions we had. I asked James to explain his reasoning behind sponsoring the team and his answer shocked the crowd " I always wanted to own the Saints, but the NFL is a bunch of stuck up suits and said my finances were too limited, baseball is kinda boring but hey it is good publicity and maybe if this works out we can make our own football league or just add tackling to baseball, whadda you think. This caused quite a ripple in the crowd but overall the fans seemed to embrace the Gators and their wacky owner.

[tacklesspoem8]

The CFB announced the formation of the Chicken and Waffles division which is the perfect name cause this reporter is hungry and waffles sound good as does chicken, man i wonder if the diner is open.

Okay i am back and breakfast was great. So where were we, Oh yeah Chicken and Waffles in baseball well sounds good to me hmm I wonder if that diner is still serving breakfast.... No work first so anyways who will be in this division you ask well we got a peek today and although i am supposed to keep these to myself til
tomorrow, let me tell you there are some happy fans about to meet their new teams. Ok good enough and if god I hope they still got those waffles down at Mae's Diner See you all tomorrow



So a new day rises and I know you all are waiting with baited breath for the announcement of the host cities in the Chicken and Waffle Division and I can't blame you. Rumors are running Rampant across the South as everyone from Lexington, Kentucky to Gulfport Mississippi feels that they are getting a team this afternoon.

[tacklesspoem8]

The CFB stunned the world today as they announced that the first team in their new division would be in Greensville, Mississippi. While Greensville is a great town many feel it is too small a market for a professional baseball team and that larger, more deserving cities were passed up. When i asked new owner Henry Harrison Howard about the comments he said " hey it is my franchise, and I wanted it in Greensville, so that is where it is. I make and sell the best gull meat buffalo wings in the world ( read only i think) and I do that right here in Greensville, why can't I run the best baseball team right here too. With that he called an abrupt end to the Q&A session and moved on the announcing and display of the new franchise the Greensville Gulls.

[tacklesspoem8]

This is a huge day for the CFB as they have leaked that all teams will be annouced today. The league officials will announce the teams introduce the sponsor and then they will cut to the super secret press conferences ( except everybody knows) in location unknown ( again everybody knows ) to hold the initial Q&A.

As the league Commish walks to the stage to announce the first franchise all gets quiet in the auditorium, well except for the guy in the back on his cell phone talking to his girlfriend but whatever, " The competition for a franchise was fierce and at times cutthroat but we feel we made the right decisions and we hope our soon to be fans will agree. Up first let me present the 2nd city to make its way into the Chicken and Waffles Division Hattiesburg, MS and their wonderful sponsor and true nature lover, Jimbo Jenkins, Owner and operator of baby seal specialty meats and treats.

The New owner Jimbo is available for Questions at his home in Hattiesburg and will go there now. Now this is a shocker, see Jimbo Jenkins is running a quazi legal baby seal farm and many felt the league would shy away from such a tough sell in its search for quality owners. In fact I asked Jimbo Jenkins about that just the other day. His response was that he runs a "respectable" business for the family and feels he can bring a lot to the league in the way of security and enforcers umm mean rules enforcement. When asked if he had any plans for opening day: : We are thinking of having a contest for the fans where the little ones could win there very own baby seal, which of course we will be glad to club for them and then turn into your favorite specialty meat. Seems a little like a publicity stunt to me but who knows maybe it will go over well, I mean who doesn't wanna club a baby seal.







Back to league Commish and the rest of the rejects... umm sponsors

[tacklesspoem8]

The commish takes the stage in a rush as he has to get to hattiesburg to talk to Jimbo about why the baby seal promotion is a bad idea. " Okay folks the next city on our list today is Chattanooga, who will be sponsored by the Chatanooga Smoke Co. and owner Henry Ashmore the third. Take it away Henry

Well this comes as no suprise as Mr Ashmore is everything you could want in a owner, he is rich, respectable, and very much a baseball fan. His granddaddy started his liquid smoke company back in 1909 and it has since grown to be the leading producer of liquid smoke in the country, with 15 flavors including signature tastes like Seal smoke and Roadrunner Seasoning the Chattanooga community could do a lot worse than this guy for an owner. Mr Ashmore was unavailable for comment at this time but his wife was on hand to show off their new uniforms which represent both Chatanooga and the Company.

[tacklesspoem8]

Quick remark here, the League Commish is still not made it back from his conversation with the Seals owner Jimbo Jenkins. Mr Jenkins also told local reporters that the seal deal was on for Opening day.

Anyways on to the next team with the Commish M.I.A. and presumed to be sleeping with the fishes in Hattiesburg I guess we can just go ahead without him. Next up is Biloxi who will be sponsored by the No Bull Steak Co. and owner Buddy Lee Hamilton. The Company made waves a few years ago when they ran the now famous slogan Great Steak No Bull with a bull defecating in the picture. Buddy Lee is a self proclaimed small town man and although he knows very little about baseball he is rich and well rich people buy stuff they don't want or need all the time. In his interview he stated his intention bring fine-dining back to baseball and plans to sell steaks and wine at the ballpark as well as field a team who isn't horrible. Not exactly what you want to hear if your a Biloxi fan but hey he got you a team.

[tacklesspoem8]

The Commish is still M.I.A. but country and western star Willie Nelson is willing and able to fill in for him for the rest of the day. Willie are you ready to announce the rest of the teams and sponsors, Willie........ Willie seems to be busy right now over at the snack table eating all the roadrunner eggs he can find, plus it looks like he is really tired as his eyes are all bloodshot. Well since he is busy I guess I will go ahead and get the next team announced and that team goes the city of Lexington and owner Junior McCormick. Junior is the proud owner of All-good dog food the only dog food made with a 100% racing horse meat. It is even rumored that his granddaddy actually bought a triple Crown winner back in the day, of course that was after it died but still what a story. Junior loves horse racing and plans on playing his home games at the race track in Lexington so he can watch the game while making a few bets.





The CFB has decided to announce their last team and city tomorrow as they are wanting to look for the league commisioner and see if he is alive and well. We will see you all back here tomorrow at 8 am for the last team.

[tacklesspoem8]

The time is upon us as people in cities across the country wait with baited breath to find out who is the final City to get a team. Willie Nelson is in his trailer taking a nap and from what I hear the League is expecting to have to get a new Commish as the last one is either dead or in Witness Protection, but we will soldier on to the team closest to this reporters heart. Athens is a small town that somehow is big enough to be called a city. The Athens franchise will go to my long time friend and the owner of the #1 selling hair care product on the Gulf Coast Mary Lou Jenkins. Ms Jenkins is the ex wife of Hattiesburg Seals owner Jimbo Jenkins and is protected by security around the clock, yet still finds a way to look great thanks to products sold by her company None Yo' Bees wax. When I asked Ms Jenkins why she wanted a baseball team her answer was simple. Anything Jimbo can do I can do better, looks to me like a little rivalry is in the works between the seals and Bees.





Well that is all the teams in this league and in our next report we will cover some of the unique rules and introduce you all to some of the players

[tacklesspoem8]

Well folks the Athens Bees have offered me a job as their gm and with the understanding that my main goal is to destroy the seals every chance I get. They say that hell hath no fury like a women scorned and after my first meeting with Mary Lou I believe it, she said her only real goal is to finish ahead of the Seals and if possible make Jimbo look as stupid as he is ( her words Mr. Jenkins I of course have the utmost respect for your intelligence please don't kill me) and try not to break the bank. She is giving me free reign in all baseball operations and I hope to be a success in this new field. Now the league announced some rules today so you all could understand how things would work a little better.

1. DH in both divisions
2. Arbitrations is on but it will be referred to as bargain years
3. draft pick trading allowed
4. each team will play 162 games with the top two playing for the Piggly Wiggly cup

All other rules will be as usual MLB

[mpejkrm]

Looking good. Excited to see where this goes.

[tacklesspoem8]

Well welcome back you all to the first post of my knew Bees blog and a special thanks to first follower who posted the 1st comment just a little while back.

First of all I wanna say that I am not happy with the players on this team and how they project to perform here in our first season, so with that being said I am gonna have to scour the league in search of some young talent and may have to move some of our supposed stars this year, bear with me bees

As we get ready for Spring Training here in Athens I am gonna do a quick rundown of what we have in the way of talent and where we go from here.

Starting Rotation projected:

1. Gavin Reese 29yr RHP 4* looks to anchor the staff and gets paid like it at 1.4 mill per

2. Ron Horne 34 yr RHP 3* guy but doesn't look like he can hold up for 162

3. Mike Jones 24 yr old RHP 2* guy will probably be out of the league when we let him go

4. Donald Moore 23 yr old RHP 1* guy with control issues

5. Dave Stone 31 yr old RHP 1* guy no upside here that i can see

Other options: as of right now none will be looking at trade options this offseason

Relievers: there is little to no talent here waiver wire will be our friend this year

Steven Christopher 28 yr old righty 2*
Diarmid Osbaldestin 24 yr old righty 1.5* lacks control
Jose Salgado 36 yr old righty 1.5* fragile lacks stuff
Augusto Clemente 25 righty 1* throws like a girl
Fernando Cruz 24 yr old righty 1* can't hit the broad side of a barn
Neal Ford 26 yr old righty 1* just lacks skill
Charlie Paul 24 yr old Lefty 1* just a guy
Ben Skidmore ( don't ask bout the name) 26 yr old righty 1* lacks talent for anything other than messing his underwear
Gilbert Wright 23 yr old righty 1* was a big time prospect in MLB until the tragic fishing mishap of 2010
And Finally Ricky Bach 21 yr old righty .5* joke of a prospect and is no relation to the composer so he can't even play the organ at the games

[tacklesspoem8]

The positional Bees

Catcher

Finally a position of strength

Vince "Rock" Hudson: former MLB great in New York who agreed to come south rather than travel overseas 34 yrs old but very durable still and 5* rated 8/5/8 on the con/pow/eye list

Aurelio Gonzales 26 yr old righty will be a nice defensive option on Hudson off day

First Base:

Bernard Gonzales 27 yr old 2* scout sees 7/8/3 in him but I think i will need better than that from 1B.

A bunch of joke behind him may target someone here if possible

Second Base:

Jesus Rivera 27 yr old with a nice contact stroke 1* rated by my scout but i like what i see is fragile though and k's too much

Derrick Evans 29 yr old 1* 5/7/4 will get hurt during the season

Short Stop:

Another bright spot here

Mike Kern 5* with 7/10/6 number and only 21 yrs old is the face of our franchise along with Hudson although may be better suited to 3rd long term

Mike Witt 20 yr old 1* by scout but plays multiple positions well and is a potential 6/5/6 guy so may be underrated, may need another year in AAA

up next we will talk about 3b and the of then we will get on with the Spring where the only rule is if we play the seals beat them, preferably with bats.

[tacklesspoem8]

Well where were we oh yeah 3B,

Third Base:

Ron Johnson 28 yr old 7/6/4 2 * is making almost 1 mil a year so may be a budget trade option come mid season. Is a solid player but nothing special.

Jeremias Roque 26 yr old 1* 5/5/3 is a solid glove and a cheaper option but loses in contact.

Outfield:

Jake Smith 35 yrs old 2.5* 6/9/6 is a big ball hitter with good defense in right ok in left but is aging and his contract is up next year will probably move him

Jamaal Reeson 28 yr old 3* guy with great speed and 8/3/6 numbers plays all 3 positions well but is expensive at 1.38 per

Wilbur Spence 21 yr old 2.5* pot but prob need another year 7/1/6

Greg Bell 22yr old 1.5* pot need another year corner OF only 7/4/6

Jesus Solis 32 yr old 2* corner OF only guy with 6/8/5 but making 2 mil a year and aging quickly will look to move

That is it folks nothing to see here outside of a few real players, we will have to get creative to win this year that much is for sure. I think I am gonna find some place i can buy me some fried chicken with honey biscuits for dinner but look to here from me tomorrow when we start the spring.

[tacklesspoem8]

Well the spring started off with me feeling like we had two real positions of strength and 2 starters worth the name. Now as Spring comes to a close we have one healthy C on or 40 man( the least talented I might add and to top off that we lost Horne, our only( other than supposed ace Reese) ML worthy pitcher for 4 weeks. The Waiver Wire is full of a whole lot of nothing and I am loathe to trade anyone as my scout is changing what he thinks of our prospects on a daily basis, this comes as no surprise to me as he is from California and we know hippies are always changing their mind.

We went 11-13 for the spring with a 1-1 record against the hated seals. Ms. Jenkins is not very pleased with me on the whole as she expects to beat the seals everytime we play them, I have not had the courage to tell her that they are much more talented than us at this point. I am fairly happy with our youngsters at SS mike Kern and CF Jamaal Reeson who both hit over 350 for the spring and were excellent defensively.

Well here it is the night before opening day and as people across the south prepare for the first pitch, I just want to find a hole to hide from Ms Jenkins in. We start the season with 3 against the Bulls down in Biloxi before coming home to face the Seals for 3 here. If I can just find a way to win over half my games against them I have a shot at keeping my job long enough to actually make a go of it.

The top Prospects list and Minor league assessment came out today and we have 2 prospects in the top 100( SS mike Witt #79 and CF Wilbur Spence # 85) and our rated dead last out of 12 teams i will have to look to add to this through trades and the draft or we won't have any good players soon.

[kev24fan]

Keep up the story, I will be reading it.