Worst Teams Ever: A Dynasty

Johnny Slick · 06-02-2005, 02:25 AM

Many people know the tale of Philip Jose Farmer's Riverworld, in which every person who ever lived is placed along the banks of a massive river and are left to what at first seems like a utopic existence. I won't give away what happens in that series, except to say that one thing he did not include was the fact that there was another world set up, once called Diamondworld, in which 16 of the worst teams ever to play the game were left to duke it out with each other. The divisions were set up as follows:

Al Chambers League

Mario Mendoza Division
---------------------
1916 Philadelphia Athletics (the remnants of the team with the $100,000 infield; Connie Mack's first brush with abject failure)
1939 St. Louis Browns (the worst of a lot of very, very bad Browns teams)
1969 Montreal Expos (just edged the San Diego Padres out; a poor start for a team that never really got off the ground in 30+ years of playing in Montreal)
1980 Seattle Mariners (featuring the 2-16 Glenn Abbott)

Joe Charbonneau Division
------------------------
1935 Boston Braves (featuring Babe Ruth's swan song)
2002 Tampa Bay Devil Rays (you remember their suckiness, I know you do)
1956 Kansas City A's (An utterly forgettable year from an utterly forgettable team)
1998 Florida Marlins (the worst defending World Series champion ever)

Brien Taylor League

Ed Kranepool Division
--------------------
1962 New York Mets ("Can't anybody play this game?")
1952 Pittsburgh Pirates ("Ralph Kiner, we finished last with you, we can finish last without you.")
1930 Philadelphia Phillies (worst ERA ever; 2 players gave up more runs than innings pitches - in a total of more than 300 innings!)
1979 Toronto Blue Jays (a bad team without any real bad claim to fame... they just sucked)

Jeremy Bonderman Division
-------------------------
2003 Detroit Tigers (Randy Smith's master plan finally comes to fruition)
1904 Washington Senators (really horrible deadball era team; not much to say here)
2004 Arizona Diamondbacks (3 teams from the 2000s... doesn't say much for competitive balance)
1988 Baltimore Orioles (0-21)

rudel.dietrich · 06-02-2005, 02:35 AM

Where are the Cleveland Spiders

Looks good so far

Johnny Slick · 06-02-2005, 03:15 AM

April

Chambers Standings

Mendoza

Team	W	L	PCT	GB	Pyt.Rec	Diff	Home	Away	XInn	1Run	M#	Streak	Last10
NL,MON,1969	15	12	.556	-	16-11	-1	7-4	8-8	1-0	5-3	135	L3	5-5
AL,PHA,1916	14	13	.519	1.0	12-15	2	8-6	6-7	1-2	5-3	-	W5	6-4
AL,SLA,1939	14	13	.519	1.0	13-14	1	7-7	7-6	2-1	5-4	-	W3	4-6
AL,SEA,1980	11	16	.407	4.0	11-16	0	3-8	8-8	2-3	4-7	-	L9	1-9

Charbonneau

Team	W	L	PCT	GB	Pyt.Rec	Diff	Home	Away	XInn	1Run	M#	Streak	Last10
NL,FLO,1998	17	10	.630	-	19-8	-2	10-4	7-6	1-1	2-5	134	L3	6-4
NL,BSN,1935	15	12	.556	2.0	14-13	1	9-4	6-8	1-1	5-3	-	W3	7-3
AL,TBA,2002	14	13	.519	3.0	15-12	-1	7-8	7-5	1-2	4-4	-	W3	7-3
AL,KC1,1956	8	19	.296	9.0	7-20	1	4-12	4-7	3-2	4-5	-	L3	4-6

Taylor Standings

Kranepool

Team	W	L	PCT	GB	Pyt.Rec	Diff	Home	Away	XInn	1Run	M#	Streak	Last10
AL,TOR,1979	14	13	.519	-	14-13	0	8-6	6-7	3-0	6-3	135	W1	5-5
NL,NYN,1962	13	14	.481	1.0	11-16	2	7-4	6-10	0-1	3-4	-	L1	4-6
NL,PHI,1930	13	14	.481	1.0	14-13	-1	7-7	6-7	1-0	2-3	-	W2	5-5
NL,PIT,1952	10	17	.370	4.0	10-17	0	4-7	6-10	1-1	4-6	-	L2	3-7

Bonderman

Team	W	L	PCT	GB	Pyt.Rec	Diff	Home	Away	XInn	1Run	M#	Streak	Last10
NL,ARI,2004	22	5	.815	-	18-9	4	13-1	9-4	0-1	7-1	127	W2	8-2
AL,DET,2003	13	14	.481	9.0	14-13	-1	7-7	6-7	2-3	4-6	-	L1	5-5
AL,WS1,1904	12	15	.444	10.0	13-14	-1	6-10	6-5	2-1	4-6	-	L2	5-5
AL,BAL,1988	11	16	.407	11.0	15-12	-4	5-9	6-7	0-2	2-3	-	W1	5-5

News from around the "Majors":

At the beginning of the season, the '98 Marlins and the '30 Phillies got together and made a deal. The Phillies moved rookie 1B Monk Sherlock, C Jim Spotts, and P John Milligan, getting P Kurt Ojala in return. Sherlock's the only guy for the Marlins they're getting immediate returns from; he's hitting .323 on the year with a nice OBA but with just 4 extra base hits. Ojala is, as expected, the ace of the Phillies' staff with a 5.02 ERA.

Taking a cue from those teams, the 1939 Browns and the 2002 Devil Rays did some business together a few days later. The Devil Rays got OF Joe Gallagher (currently hitting a blazing .347 with 7 long distance blasts and 25 ribbies) for P Joe Kennedy (currently 1-2 with a 7.20 ERA). When asked what it feels like to be the rube GM of a league populated by rube GMs, the Browns head man refused to comment.

The Phillies continued to deal, moving 2B Fresco Thompson (.255) for CF Frank Thomas (.264, 9 doubles) on the 17th. As one can easily see, the trades aren't helping much.

The Baltimore Orioles and the Browns later made a trade that, frankly, made me want to throw up just to read. I'm not about to type it out. It did involve P Dave Schmidt. Guh.... I feel it coming on...

As one might expect, the Pitcher of the Month for the National League is Randy Johnson, who is cutting through these crappy hitter like a big ugly knife through butter. He's 8-0 with an ERA of just over 2 so far and 80 Ks in 67.1 innings. Frankly, this looks like an off month to me. His counterpart in the Mendoza League is Lance Carter of the D-Rays, who is 5-1 with a 2.11 ERA despite pitching a grand total of 5.1 innings in his career prior to this season.

George McQuinn of the Browns holds the Batter of the Month award for the ML. He's chasing .400, and has added 13 doubles so far this year. Lefty O'Doul is also hitting .418 in the TL (he's coming off of a .383 season) and has been, well, a freaking monster so far.

Next... are the 2004 Diamondbacks the 1998 Yankees of really awful teams?

Johnny Slick · 06-02-2005, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallschirmjager

Where are the Cleveland Spiders

Looks good so far

I didn't want to use anybody from before 1901, and the Spiders are a great reason why: that's a team that was owned by an owner (Chris Von der Ahe) who also owned another team in the league (the Brooklyn Superbas, was it? Or maybe it was the St. Louis Cardinals). Anyway, he dumped all the good players on the 1st team and left, well, the Spiders. At least the player-dumping that Connie Mack and the KC A's engaged in were, I don't know, sort of honest in a "I need to screw the fans in order to make money" kind of way.

metsgeek · 06-09-2005, 09:05 PM

Man, I need an update. Go '62 Mets!!!

Vris · 06-10-2005, 10:48 AM

I think the Spiders owner also owned the Cards.

What settings/database are you using? Why did you keep trades on? Doesn't that kill the feel of fighting for who is the worst team of all time?

jaxmagicman · 06-10-2005, 02:14 PM

Hey this is a good idea. I think this is unique and for that I am looking forward to this.

Johnny Slick · 06-12-2005, 09:57 AM

Actually, you know what? 2 months into this, I agree with the poster who said that trades and stuff should be turned off. In fact, I'm gonna go a step further:

- Trades will be turned off
- So will injuries and fatigue
- Roster size will be reset to 40
- I'll fill out the lineups, pitching staffs, and depth charts myself based on the teams' actual player usage during the season

One thing I'm noticing: teams are actually trying to be managed. I don't want that. I want to see the 1930 Phillies trot Leo "Sugar" Sweetland and Claude "Weeping" Willoughby 2 out of every 5 days, and the 2004 Diamondbacks actually have to use their horrible stupid lineup. I'll be back with updates as soon as I get this going...

Johnny Slick · 06-12-2005, 10:33 AM

Pitching: Since this was an expansion team, it's not completely surprising that is an interesting mixture of young guys who went on to be pretty good players and old guys who used to be good but who now just plain suck. For example, 2/5ths of the rotation are Steve Renko, who wound up playing in the bigs for years, and Mudcat Grant, who was winding up a pretty good career playing in the land of the French. Relief-wise, the two biggest names are Elroy Face and Dick "The Monster" Radatz, both of whom are awful.

Lineup: As any baseball fan knows, this team was anchored by Le Grande Orange (not the OOTP poster!) who helped brighten the cold Montreal days by hitting 29 dingers in real life. Also, the great Coco Laboy led the team in RBI with 83. Look for Seattle Mariners color commentator Ron Fairly to back up in the outfield and at first, and for former greats Maury Wills and Manny Mota, both of whom are backups on this team (in real life, the Expos picked up Wills late in the season and replaced Bobby Wine with him at short; in this game, he'll spot start a lot).

Johnny Slick · 06-12-2005, 11:05 AM

After the 1914 season, Connie Mack decided that he couldn't afford to pay his famous $100,000 Infield and systematically destroyed his team, selling nearly every player of value to others. The 1916 team is what emerged out of those ashes, one of the worst baseball teams of all time.

Pitching: It's pretty ugly. The least sucky pitcher is probably 23-year old Bullet Joe Bush, but... yeah. This is a dead ball era team with an ERA up near 4, which should tell you all you need to know about the talent level on this side. Look for rare appearances by a young Socks Seibold. Or don't. I understand if you'd rather look away.

Lineups: Dead ball era lineups are not known for their force already, and this one is even less forceful than normal. Nap Lajoie is hanging on at the end of his career at second base on this team, but he's just plain awful. Stuffy McInnis is okay, I guess, in a bad-season-by-John-Olerud kind of way. Jolly Cholly Grimm (who would go on to manage the Cubs in the 1930s) is also on the roster, but don't expect much.

06-02-2005, 02:25 AM	#1
Johnny Slick Banned Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Seattle Posts: 1,012	Worst Teams Ever: A Dynasty Many people know the tale of Philip Jose Farmer's Riverworld, in which every person who ever lived is placed along the banks of a massive river and are left to what at first seems like a utopic existence. I won't give away what happens in that series, except to say that one thing he did not include was the fact that there was another world set up, once called Diamondworld, in which 16 of the worst teams ever to play the game were left to duke it out with each other. The divisions were set up as follows: Al Chambers League Mario Mendoza Division --------------------- 1916 Philadelphia Athletics (the remnants of the team with the $100,000 infield; Connie Mack's first brush with abject failure) 1939 St. Louis Browns (the worst of a lot of very, very bad Browns teams) 1969 Montreal Expos (just edged the San Diego Padres out; a poor start for a team that never really got off the ground in 30+ years of playing in Montreal) 1980 Seattle Mariners (featuring the 2-16 Glenn Abbott) Joe Charbonneau Division ------------------------ 1935 Boston Braves (featuring Babe Ruth's swan song) 2002 Tampa Bay Devil Rays (you remember their suckiness, I know you do) 1956 Kansas City A's (An utterly forgettable year from an utterly forgettable team) 1998 Florida Marlins (the worst defending World Series champion ever) Brien Taylor League Ed Kranepool Division -------------------- 1962 New York Mets ("Can't anybody play this game?") 1952 Pittsburgh Pirates ("Ralph Kiner, we finished last with you, we can finish last without you.") 1930 Philadelphia Phillies (worst ERA ever; 2 players gave up more runs than innings pitches - in a total of more than 300 innings!) 1979 Toronto Blue Jays (a bad team without any real bad claim to fame... they just sucked) Jeremy Bonderman Division ------------------------- 2003 Detroit Tigers (Randy Smith's master plan finally comes to fruition) 1904 Washington Senators (really horrible deadball era team; not much to say here) 2004 Arizona Diamondbacks (3 teams from the 2000s... doesn't say much for competitive balance) 1988 Baltimore Orioles (0-21)

06-09-2005, 09:05 PM	#5
metsgeek Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Norwood, MA Posts: 5,450	Man, I need an update. Go '62 Mets!!! __________________ Commissioner - PBRL - Just finished 2009 109 seasons and still running strong!!!

06-10-2005, 10:48 AM	#6
Vris Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere where I don't know where I am Posts: 3,251	I think the Spiders owner also owned the Cards. What settings/database are you using? Why did you keep trades on? Doesn't that kill the feel of fighting for who is the worst team of all time? __________________ None Blog it.

06-10-2005, 02:14 PM	#7
jaxmagicman Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Retired defloration-maker living in Myrtle Beach, SC Posts: 7,801	Hey this is a good idea. I think this is unique and for that I am looking forward to this. __________________ See ID Major League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of MLB Advanced Media, L.P. Minor League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with the permission of Minor League Baseball. All rights reserved.

06-12-2005, 10:33 AM	#9
Johnny Slick Banned Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Seattle Posts: 1,012	1969 Expos Pitching: Since this was an expansion team, it's not completely surprising that is an interesting mixture of young guys who went on to be pretty good players and old guys who used to be good but who now just plain suck. For example, 2/5ths of the rotation are Steve Renko, who wound up playing in the bigs for years, and Mudcat Grant, who was winding up a pretty good career playing in the land of the French. Relief-wise, the two biggest names are Elroy Face and Dick "The Monster" Radatz, both of whom are awful. Lineup: As any baseball fan knows, this team was anchored by Le Grande Orange (not the OOTP poster!) who helped brighten the cold Montreal days by hitting 29 dingers in real life. Also, the great Coco Laboy led the team in RBI with 83. Look for Seattle Mariners color commentator Ron Fairly to back up in the outfield and at first, and for former greats Maury Wills and Manny Mota, both of whom are backups on this team (in real life, the Expos picked up Wills late in the season and replaced Bobby Wine with him at short; in this game, he'll spot start a lot).

06-02-2005, 02:35 AM	#2
rudel.dietrich Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Zürich, Switzerland Posts: 8,608	Where are the Cleveland Spiders Looks good so far

06-12-2005, 09:57 AM	#8
Johnny Slick Banned Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Seattle Posts: 1,012	Actually, you know what? 2 months into this, I agree with the poster who said that trades and stuff should be turned off. In fact, I'm gonna go a step further: - Trades will be turned off - So will injuries and fatigue - Roster size will be reset to 40 - I'll fill out the lineups, pitching staffs, and depth charts myself based on the teams' actual player usage during the season One thing I'm noticing: teams are actually trying to be managed. I don't want that. I want to see the 1930 Phillies trot Leo "Sugar" Sweetland and Claude "Weeping" Willoughby 2 out of every 5 days, and the 2004 Diamondbacks actually have to use their horrible stupid lineup. I'll be back with updates as soon as I get this going...

06-12-2005, 11:05 AM	#10
Johnny Slick Banned Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Seattle Posts: 1,012	1916 Athletics After the 1914 season, Connie Mack decided that he couldn't afford to pay his famous $100,000 Infield and systematically destroyed his team, selling nearly every player of value to others. The 1916 team is what emerged out of those ashes, one of the worst baseball teams of all time. Pitching: It's pretty ugly. The least sucky pitcher is probably 23-year old Bullet Joe Bush, but... yeah. This is a dead ball era team with an ERA up near 4, which should tell you all you need to know about the talent level on this side. Look for rare appearances by a young Socks Seibold. Or don't. I understand if you'd rather look away. Lineups: Dead ball era lineups are not known for their force already, and this one is even less forceful than normal. Nap Lajoie is hanging on at the end of his career at second base on this team, but he's just plain awful. Stuffy McInnis is okay, I guess, in a bad-season-by-John-Olerud kind of way. Jolly Cholly Grimm (who would go on to manage the Cubs in the 1930s) is also on the roster, but don't expect much.