Reporting for the Plain Dealer

acuñajrbravesfan · 04-15-2022, 10:27 PM

The Plain Dealer is a newspaper based in Cleveland, Ohio. It is a real paper, but the stories are, of course, fictional. Also, I chose to rename the team to the Guardians because why not?

(And now, a story I made up for this.)

The date is January 18, 2021. I am at home after fighting COVID. I got through with no big symptoms except for loss of taste and smell.

I am Cole Burnham, a recent graduate from UConn. I was part of their basketball team for 4 great seasons. I decided to not go to the NBA and do other **** at home instead.

So, here I am, on my couch watching TV. All of a sudden, I hear a ring.

*buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

I rush to the kitchen and answer the phone. "Hello?"

I hear an awfully low voice respond, "Is this Cole Burnham? I'm Ron Bowman, the editor of the Cleveland Plain Dealer. I have seen your fake sports reports online."

Yes, I make fake sports reports like, "MARINERS WIN WORLD SERIES!!!" and "CURRY SHOOTS FOR 50 THREES!!!". I nervously said, "Yeah, that's me. Do you need something?"

"We have an open position for reporter of the Cleveland Guardians. You in?"

"You're kidding," I say. That would never happen in a million years, right? "No sir, I'm not joking. I'm offering you this job. Plus, you'll be paid per game. Come to our office tomorrow." I gladly accept.

The next day, I get to the office, accept my position, and I'm told about my salary. I'm paid like this.

PER GAME: $200= $32,400 PER FULL SEASON
ALL STAR FESTIVITIES: $250 PER REPORT= $750 to $1,000 EXTRA
OFFSEASON: $225 PER REPORT= (For example, for every day in 20-21 offseason, it would be around $34,000)

(Fast forward to late March. I have made no reports yet.)

REPORTS START IN THE NEXT POST

acuñajrbravesfan · 04-16-2022, 10:15 AM

CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER
March 29, 2021

GUARDIANS ROSTER PREVIEW
by Cole Burnham

CLEVELAND, March 28- With the season only 4 days away, let's look who gets in the season squad.

STARTING PITCHERS
Shane Bieber- Of course, we start with Bieber, who has been a phenom in the past couple of years. Last year, he was 8-1 in 12 games, with 122 strikeouts in 77.1 innings and an ERA of 1.63. He helped the Guardians (or should I say Indians) get into the playoffs, where they lost to the Yankees. He was last year's Cy Young winner, so we'll see if he repeats.
Aaron Civale- He went a solid 4-6 in 12 games last season. He struck out 69 in 74 innings with an ERA of 4.74. His stuff and movement are solid, but his control is really good with 65 and a potential of 75.
Triston McKenzie- 8 games last year, 6 of which he started. He was 2-1 with 42 Ks in 33.1 innings and an ERA of 3.24. Mostly solid all around, with control being just better.
Zach Plesac- 4-2 in 8 games in 2020 with 57 Ks in 55.1 and an ERA of 2.28. Currently, he's just a solid pitcher with solid ratings.
Cal Quantrill- Cal was traded to the Guardians in August last year, where he played 8 games with no decisions. He struck out 13 batters in 14.2 innings. His ERA was 1.84. Once again, another solid pitcher.

RELIEF PITCHERS
Logan Allen, James Karinchak, Phil Maton, Blake Parker, Oliver Perez, Bryan Shaw, Trevor Stephan, Nick Wittgren

CLOSER
Emmanuel Clase- Clase did not play last season, with his last being in Texas in 2019. In December of that year, he was traded for Corey Kluber and cash.

POSITION PLAYERS IN NEXT POST

acuñajrbravesfan · 04-16-2022, 12:59 PM

CATCHERS
Austin Hedges- He was involved in the same trade as Cal Quantrill. In 2020, he played 6 games, hitting .083 with 0 HRs and 0 RBIs.
Roberto Perez- He played most of Cleveland's games last year. In 32 games, he hit .165 with 1 HR and 5 RBIs.

INFIELDERS
Jake Bauers- He did not play in 2020.
Cesar Hernandez (I tried a 2021 sim earlier and he started the season 0 for 19.)
Amed Rosario- Played last season with the Mets and was traded in January.
Jose Ramirez- Another phenom for the Guardians.
Andres Gimenez- Solid shortstop with mostly solid ratings.

OUTFIELDERS
Ben Gamel and Eddie Rosario- Both players are a solid 2 stars, Gamel playing in Milwaukee last season, with Rosario playing in Minnesota.
Bradley Zimmer- He hasn't been playing much lately. He played more games in 2017 (101) than he did in the next 3 seasons combined (63).
Jordan Luplow and Franmil Reyes- Luplow hit .192 last year, while Reyes played 59 games, only starting 1.

NEXT- SEASON PREDICTIONS

acuñajrbravesfan · 04-16-2022, 05:12 PM

CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER
Thursday, April 1, 2021

GUARDIANS SEASON PREDICTIONS
Every season, the baseball experts bring out predictions on the season. This year, they put the Guardians in... 2nd place, one game behind Chicago. What this means is they expect the Guardians to get the 1st wild card spot in the AL.

GUARDIANS KILL TIGERS ON OPENING DAY; WIN 6-2
When Opening Day comes around, the people get excited. This was certainly not the case in Detroit, where the newly named Guardians smoked the Tigers 6-2 to start the season.
Willi Castro got the Tigers on the board to start, but Cleveland got them right back for 2 in the 2nd when Amed Rosario singled and Jose Ramirez walked with the bags loaded.
Ramirez got another run in the 4th with an RBI groundout. Andres Gimenez singled in Ben Gamel in the 5th to make it 4-1. The Guardians then got 2 runs in the 8th. Jake Bauers singled in Rosario, and the next batter, Jordan Luplow, was hit with the bags loaded. Jonathan Schoop homered in the 9th to make it 6-2, but Logan Allen got the next 3 out to end it.

BOX SCORE
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AL CENTRAL STANDINGS
CLE and MIN: 1-0
CWS, KC, and DET: 0-1; 1 GB

acuñajrbravesfan · 04-16-2022, 08:31 PM

CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER
Friday, April 2
(Okay, sorry, I had to post this)

YARBROUGH STUMPS MIAMI; FIRES NO-NO
When you go to see a baseball game, you either want a walk-off or a no-hitter. If you went to tonight's Marlins game, you got what you wanted. Ryan Yarbrough's Rays squad took down the Fish 13-0 while throwing a no-no in the process. He walked 2 and struck out 4. The Marlins committed 5 errors (1 by Jazz Chisolm, 1 by Brian Anderson, 2 by Miguel Rojas, and 1 by Jorge Alfaro).

Also, a WPA graph was created where there was a mistake. It says that in the 5th, Starling Marte hit a double for 2 runs. Remember, the Marlins never got a hit, so this is wrong.
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Size: 14.8 KB

04-15-2022, 10:27 PM	#1
acuñajrbravesfan Minors (Triple A) Join Date: Apr 2021 Location: Braves Country Posts: 211	Reporting for the Plain Dealer The Plain Dealer is a newspaper based in Cleveland, Ohio. It is a real paper, but the stories are, of course, fictional. Also, I chose to rename the team to the Guardians because why not? (And now, a story I made up for this.) The date is January 18, 2021. I am at home after fighting COVID. I got through with no big symptoms except for loss of taste and smell. I am Cole Burnham, a recent graduate from UConn. I was part of their basketball team for 4 great seasons. I decided to not go to the NBA and do other **** at home instead. So, here I am, on my couch watching TV. All of a sudden, I hear a ring. buzz buzz buzz I rush to the kitchen and answer the phone. "Hello?" I hear an awfully low voice respond, "Is this Cole Burnham? I'm Ron Bowman, the editor of the Cleveland Plain Dealer. I have seen your fake sports reports online." Yes, I make fake sports reports like, "MARINERS WIN WORLD SERIES!!!" and "CURRY SHOOTS FOR 50 THREES!!!". I nervously said, "Yeah, that's me. Do you need something?" "We have an open position for reporter of the Cleveland Guardians. You in?" "You're kidding," I say. That would never happen in a million years, right? "No sir, I'm not joking. I'm offering you this job. Plus, you'll be paid per game. Come to our office tomorrow." I gladly accept. The next day, I get to the office, accept my position, and I'm told about my salary. I'm paid like this. PER GAME: $200= $32,400 PER FULL SEASON ALL STAR FESTIVITIES: $250 PER REPORT= $750 to $1,000 EXTRA OFFSEASON: $225 PER REPORT= (For example, for every day in 20-21 offseason, it would be around $34,000) (Fast forward to late March. I have made no reports yet.) REPORTS START IN THE NEXT POST __________________

04-16-2022, 10:15 AM	#2
acuñajrbravesfan Minors (Triple A) Join Date: Apr 2021 Location: Braves Country Posts: 211	3/29- Roster Preview CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER March 29, 2021 GUARDIANS ROSTER PREVIEW by Cole Burnham CLEVELAND, March 28- With the season only 4 days away, let's look who gets in the season squad. STARTING PITCHERS Shane Bieber- Of course, we start with Bieber, who has been a phenom in the past couple of years. Last year, he was 8-1 in 12 games, with 122 strikeouts in 77.1 innings and an ERA of 1.63. He helped the Guardians (or should I say Indians) get into the playoffs, where they lost to the Yankees. He was last year's Cy Young winner, so we'll see if he repeats. Aaron Civale- He went a solid 4-6 in 12 games last season. He struck out 69 in 74 innings with an ERA of 4.74. His stuff and movement are solid, but his control is really good with 65 and a potential of 75. Triston McKenzie- 8 games last year, 6 of which he started. He was 2-1 with 42 Ks in 33.1 innings and an ERA of 3.24. Mostly solid all around, with control being just better. Zach Plesac- 4-2 in 8 games in 2020 with 57 Ks in 55.1 and an ERA of 2.28. Currently, he's just a solid pitcher with solid ratings. Cal Quantrill- Cal was traded to the Guardians in August last year, where he played 8 games with no decisions. He struck out 13 batters in 14.2 innings. His ERA was 1.84. Once again, another solid pitcher. RELIEF PITCHERS Logan Allen, James Karinchak, Phil Maton, Blake Parker, Oliver Perez, Bryan Shaw, Trevor Stephan, Nick Wittgren CLOSER Emmanuel Clase- Clase did not play last season, with his last being in Texas in 2019. In December of that year, he was traded for Corey Kluber and cash. POSITION PLAYERS IN NEXT POST __________________

04-16-2022, 12:59 PM	#3
acuñajrbravesfan Minors (Triple A) Join Date: Apr 2021 Location: Braves Country Posts: 211	CATCHERS Austin Hedges- He was involved in the same trade as Cal Quantrill. In 2020, he played 6 games, hitting .083 with 0 HRs and 0 RBIs. Roberto Perez- He played most of Cleveland's games last year. In 32 games, he hit .165 with 1 HR and 5 RBIs. INFIELDERS Jake Bauers- He did not play in 2020. Cesar Hernandez (I tried a 2021 sim earlier and he started the season 0 for 19.) Amed Rosario- Played last season with the Mets and was traded in January. Jose Ramirez- Another phenom for the Guardians. Andres Gimenez- Solid shortstop with mostly solid ratings. OUTFIELDERS Ben Gamel and Eddie Rosario- Both players are a solid 2 stars, Gamel playing in Milwaukee last season, with Rosario playing in Minnesota. Bradley Zimmer- He hasn't been playing much lately. He played more games in 2017 (101) than he did in the next 3 seasons combined (63). Jordan Luplow and Franmil Reyes- Luplow hit .192 last year, while Reyes played 59 games, only starting 1. NEXT- SEASON PREDICTIONS __________________

04-16-2022, 05:12 PM	#4
acuñajrbravesfan Minors (Triple A) Join Date: Apr 2021 Location: Braves Country Posts: 211	Season Predictions + Game 1 CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER Thursday, April 1, 2021 GUARDIANS SEASON PREDICTIONS Every season, the baseball experts bring out predictions on the season. This year, they put the Guardians in... 2nd place, one game behind Chicago. What this means is they expect the Guardians to get the 1st wild card spot in the AL. GUARDIANS KILL TIGERS ON OPENING DAY; WIN 6-2 When Opening Day comes around, the people get excited. This was certainly not the case in Detroit, where the newly named Guardians smoked the Tigers 6-2 to start the season. Willi Castro got the Tigers on the board to start, but Cleveland got them right back for 2 in the 2nd when Amed Rosario singled and Jose Ramirez walked with the bags loaded. Ramirez got another run in the 4th with an RBI groundout. Andres Gimenez singled in Ben Gamel in the 5th to make it 4-1. The Guardians then got 2 runs in the 8th. Jake Bauers singled in Rosario, and the next batter, Jordan Luplow, was hit with the bags loaded. Jonathan Schoop homered in the 9th to make it 6-2, but Logan Allen got the next 3 out to end it. BOX SCORE AL CENTRAL STANDINGS CLE and MIN: 1-0 CWS, KC, and DET: 0-1; 1 GB __________________

04-16-2022, 08:31 PM	#5
acuñajrbravesfan Minors (Triple A) Join Date: Apr 2021 Location: Braves Country Posts: 211	2 Days In? CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER Friday, April 2 (Okay, sorry, I had to post this) YARBROUGH STUMPS MIAMI; FIRES NO-NO When you go to see a baseball game, you either want a walk-off or a no-hitter. If you went to tonight's Marlins game, you got what you wanted. Ryan Yarbrough's Rays squad took down the Fish 13-0 while throwing a no-no in the process. He walked 2 and struck out 4. The Marlins committed 5 errors (1 by Jazz Chisolm, 1 by Brian Anderson, 2 by Miguel Rojas, and 1 by Jorge Alfaro). Also, a WPA graph was created where there was a mistake. It says that in the 5th, Starling Marte hit a double for 2 runs. Remember, the Marlins never got a hit, so this is wrong. __________________