[Westheim]

Raccoons (31-23) vs. Loggers (23-32) – June 4-7, 2012

The Loggers by now had descended into their usual place, buried deep in the North, despite ranking seventh in runs scored and runs allowed. Their rotation was actually the third-best in the league, but somehow it wasn’t working out for them at all. Bad luck was certainly a factor with a -12 run differential and nine games under .500. As far as the Critters were concerned, they had so far won three of four from Milwaukee this season.

Projected matchups:
Nick Brown (6-1, 3.09 ERA) vs. Roy Thomas (2-2, 7.25 ERA)
Scott Spears (1-3, 3.34 ERA) vs. Gil McDonald (2-7, 3.04 ERA)
Rich Hood (1-1, 5.14 ERA) vs. Fernando Cruz (2-6, 4.86 ERA)
Hector Santos (4-3, 4.38 ERA) vs. Gabriel Caro (7-3, 3.29 ERA)

Fernando Cruz is the only southpaw we will see in this series, but we have an option on L.A.’ Ernest Green on the weekend.

Meanwhile the Raccoons entered the week four wins away from their 2,900th franchise win in the regular season.

Game 1
MIL: SS Luján – 3B Sharp – RF Dally – CF Locke – LF P. Estrada – C McClendon – 1B Roncero – 2B O. Sandoval – P R. Thomas
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Palmer – 1B Quebell – RF J. Alexander – LF Pruitt – 3B Merritt – CF Castro – C D. Alexander – P Brown

Brownie struck out three of the first five batters in the game, reaching 100 strikeouts for the season on June 4, which HAD to be a record, but somebody had spilled booze all over the notebook with the curious stats and had rendered most of them illegible. While John Alexander brought in single runs in both of his first two plate appearances, an RBI single in the first and an RBI groundout in the third, Brown, who had been spot on the first few innings, became unglued a bit in the middle innings and ran four full counts combined in the fourth and fifth innings, in the latter of which the Loggers had runners on the corners before Sharpie grounded out to waste the chance. Bottom 6th, Quebell and J-Alex hit balls hard to deep center, with both being caught by Philip Locke, before Pruitt rolled a sorry grounder through between Oscar Sandoval and Silvestro Roncero for a 2-out single. Jon Merritt came up and crashed a bomb to left center – outta here! The score was up to 4-0, and the bullpen got ready, since Brownie was on 98 pitches through six, and despite entering only six short of the next “100” strikeout milestone and getting four whiffs the first time through the order, he was still looking for #2,400. Roncero led off the top of the seventh with a blooping single to shallow right, but Sandoval bounced a 1-0 pitch back to Brown, who started a quick double play. The Loggers sent left-handed batter Edgar Alires to hit for Roy Thomas, and so Brown would get him, too, but once he was 0-2 on him, Alires drilled a magnificient shot to right that was a home run right off the bat. With that, Brownie was chased, Rockburn struck out Antonio Luján, and in the bottom of the inning it was Jason Seeley, who had entered with Rockburn in a double switch, to make the second and third out in separate plate appearances. Huh? Right. Jose Rivera retired D-Alex and Seeley to start the bottom 7th, then didn’t retire anybody beyond that. Yoshi singled, Palmer singled, Quebell walked, J-Alex singled in two, Pruitt singled in one more – insert pitching chance here – before Richard Williams allowed three more RBI singles to Merritt, Bowen, and D-Alex. Suddenly, it was a rout!

To be fair, after this Bill Conway tried to create some suspense: Sharpie hit him for a leadoff jack in the top 8th, Justin Dally singled, Philip Locke tripled, Pedro Estrada, the fool, actually struck out, before Conway plated the runner on third anyway with a wild pitch, then walked Henry McClendon, who was forced at second by Silvestro Roncero, and then Conway walked Oscar Sandoval. That was it! And with “it” I mean Conway’s major league career. We had to use a setup man (Steele) to clean up the mess the mop-up man made in a 10-1 game – it was outrageous!! Even more outrageous: despite STILL being up by six runs into the top 9th, the Raccoons indeed created a save situation for Angel Casas that a panicking manager rigorously exploited. Steele was torn to shreds by the Loggers, as Luján walked and Dally homered, and then he walked Locke as well. Once Merritt bobbled what would have been the final out by McClendon, Angel Casas was called into the mess, forcefully dismembered Roncero, and this one was in those books. 10-6 Brownies. Nomura 2-5; Palmer 3-4, BB, 2B; J. Alexander 3-5, 4 RBI; Pruitt 2-5, RBI; Merritt 2-3, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Bowen (PH) 1-1, RBI; Brown 6.2 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, W (7-1);

Nobody dared entering my office that night anymore. The sounds of furniture being tumbled over and fists drumming against the walls during the last innings had scared everybody away.

Funny thing is, when the Raccoons were up 8-1 in the seventh and it was Rockburn’s turn to bat, I thought “Nah”, shrugging, “They won’t blow this one. Let him bat and get a few more ou- … yeah, well, no.” – NEVER spit on extra runs!

There were consequences however. Not for Steele. Everybody has one or two free, even with me. No, Conway was banished. He had a 6.27 ERA and a 1.55 WHIP, and his BABIP was actually BETTER than league average, and it was better by 16 points! His BABIP was 13 points better than Brownie’s, and despite that his ERA was more than twice as high. He was dumped to St. Petersburg (poor Alley Cats!), and Pat Slayton was recalled after pitching to a 3.00 ERA in five outings in St. Pete.

You know, I muttered to myself, they will never learn that they stink after all if you always recall them right away! Yeah, well, I replied, but the alternative would be Sergio Vega, and come on!

Game 2
MIL: CF Brissett – 3B Sharp – LF Dally – RF Locke – SS Luján – 1B Roncero – C R. Hernandez – 2B Sandoval – P McDonald
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Palmer – 1B Quebell – RF J. Alexander – LF Pruitt – 3B Merritt – CF Seeley – C Bowen – P Spears

Just to give an indicator as to what we were in for with him, Scott Spears started his Raccoons debut with two walks, a wild pitch, and a hit for a run in the first inning. While the Coons flipped the score forcefully in the bottom 3rd when Yoshi, on an 11-game hitting streak, walked, Palmer tripled, and Quebell homered, Scott Spears was scuffling and relied on the defense to make spectacular plays, like Pruitt made one on Antonio Luján’s rocket to left that started the fourth inning. He took a double away, nursed Spears through another inning, but the top 5th was opened by Gil McDonald with a double on the first pitch, and Daniel Sharp singled with one out to put runners on the corners, and at this point Spears had possible the ONE good at-bat in his first start as a Critter, when he dispatched of the sophomore Justin Dally on three pitches and escaped unharmed after Locke grounded out to Nomura. Somehow Spears got through six without being toppled, and John Alexander’s homer in the bottom of the sixth put up an insurance run, 4-1, before Sugano pitched a quick seventh. Quebell was denied another homer by less than two feet in the bottom 7th, and this one would have counted for two as well, but Locke made the catch right against the fence. Thrasher put two on with singles in the top 8th before being excused with two outs for Law Rockburn to get a groundball out from Raúl Hernandez to end the inning. We then tried to get this one in without bothering Angel Casas, but Law gave up a leadoff triple to Sandoval in the ninth and that was that. Angel saved the game, but couldn’t save Rockburn’s ERA, as that run scored between two strikeouts. 4-2 Coons. Quebell 1-3, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Seeley 2-3, BB;

The Crusaders have lost seven of nine by now – fascinating…! – and have plunged beneath .500, leaving the North a 3-team race between the Coons, Elks, and Titans for now. We’re in a virtual tie with the Titans right now, and those Titans have four less games played…!?

Yoshi’s hitting streak ended at 11 games as that walk was everything we managed to get off the Loggers.

Game 3
MIL: SS Luján – 3B Sharp – RF Dally – CF Locke – LF P. Estrada – C McClendon – 1B Roncero – 2B Sandoval – P F. Cruz
POR: 2B Palmer – CF Castro – 3B Merritt – 1B Quebell – RF Ayers – LF Seeley – SS Canning – C D. Alexander – P Hood

Everything went to **** real early in game 3 on Wednesday, with Rich Hood being humped for six runs in the first inning, and of those six runs four were even unearned. He started with a 4-pitch walk to Luján, Sharp doubled, and when Merritt was undressed by Dally’s bouncer for the first error of the inning, the gates were already wide open. Castro would also make an error when he dropped a fly, Ayers unleashed an errant torhw for the third error, but there were also four hits and two walks on Hood’s ledger. Add to that that the Loggers had a left-hander on the mound and the Coons fielded a lackluster lineup, and this game was basically over after 15 minutes. Since the situation was hopeless, Rich Hood was retained to throw 100 pitches before he would get a chance to retreat to some silent, dark corner to have a little breakdown, and lo and behold, he managed to cover six more innings on just two hits and a walk. Granted, that had to do with pitching to contact, and plenty of grounders to the middle infielders. He only had one strikeout (Locke) in seven innings. Fernando Cruz was still maintaining a 2-hit shutout when Hood was officially allowed to go cry under the shower, but that shutout was broken up by Keith Ayers with a homer in the bottom 7th. Against Tim Poe in the bottom 9th the Raccoons even got the tying run to the on-deck circle after a 2-run homer by Dylan Alexander and a pinch-hit single by Yoshi Nomura, but they were denied their undeserved comeback. 6-3 Loggers. Ayers 2-4, HR, RBI; Pruitt (PH) 1-1; D. Alexander 1-2, 2 BB, HR, 2 RBI; Nomura (PH) 1-1; Slayton 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

With the Titans losing to the Indians and the Elks beating the Crusaders once more, the 34-22 Titans, 35-23 Elks, and 36-24 Coons were now all virtually tied atop the CL North, with three different records. Not sure whether I have seen something like that before SINCE SOMBODY DOUSED THE NOTEBOOK IN BOOZE!! … SLAPPY!!

That was not the only commotion. On Thursday we gave out free T-shirts to the first 10,000 fans with the Raccoons wordmark, which contained eyeballs inside the pair of O’s and a nose and whiskers beneath. Too bad that Maud only now realized that those T-shirts – made in Taiwan – had a rather unfortunate mistake, misspelling the team as “Racoons”.

Maud, why are you looking at me like that? What am I supposed to do? The Mexican Prick doesn’t want T-shirts made in Mexico, since even THERE they cost too much for him, AND HE’S MEXICAN!! Maud, stop crying. Maud, stop –

Bring on some game!!

Game 4
MIL: CF Brissett – 3B Sharp – LF Dally – RF Locke – SS Luján – 1B Roncero – C R. Hernandez – 2B O. Sandoval – P Caro
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Palmer – RF J. Alexander – 1B Quebell – LF Pruitt – 3B Merritt – CF Seeley – C Bowen – P Santos

All fans with a faulty T-shirt were compensated with 50% off on all alcoholic beverages for this game, which turned out to be a bad, bad, bad mistake.

What looked like a pitching duel at first soon ended with Santos getting splintered for four runs in the fourth inning. The Loggers had not had a hit through three, but opened the frame with a sharp single by Sharp, after which Justin Dally doubled to center. Santos struck out Locke in an attempt to reclaim control, but was then swamped by the following batters as Luján singled, Roncero doubled, and finally Hernandez homered. In turn the Raccoons lost a run in the bottom of the inning on a baserunning gaffe by Quebell, who hit a 1-out double, moved on, stopped halfway between second and third, made two steps back, and then made for third anyway, much to Justin Dally’s amusement, who got the outfield assist when Quebell was tagged out ten feet in front of the bag by Sharpie. Had he stayed at second, he more than likely would have scored on Pruitt’s following long single.

Santos went seven innings without any more accidents (flashback?), while the intoxicated home crowd was ironically chanting “One C! We only got one C!”, Maud was crying like ****, and the Raccoons, who were robbed of plenty of doubles, still out-hit the Loggers through eight innings, but it just wasn’t enough, was it? And that “through eight” was actually true, since Ron Thrasher didn’t retire anybody in the top 9th, left with no outs and three runners on base, and when Steele replaced him he allowed a 2-run double to Hernandez and a 2-run triple to Sandoval to get this game into the Ugly Zone – just like the crowd was now really getting tuned in (or out, depending on your perspective) and started hissing and booing. Steele left after an RBI single by Gabriel Caro (…!), which meant that two setup relievers had faced six batters combined, and had retired nobody at all – a fact that didn’t escape the blurred vision of the attendance, among which keen eyes spotted that lots of shirt-switching was going on to get everybody some discounted beer. Sugano entered to quickly clean up with a bouncer from Amari Brissett turned into a force at second base and then two strikeouts to Sharpie and Dally. Caro pitched a complete game 8-hitter. 9-1 Loggers. Quebell 3-4, 2B, RBI; Pruitt 2-4;

For his troubles, Manobu Sugano got a full cup of beer poured over him just as he was to enter the dugout, by a fat, red-nosed guy, whose “Racoons” T-shirt had further been adorned by something that turned the O’s into a particularly troubling display of male tools for procreation, and who also hollered with a heavy tongue at Sugano that there was no room on the team for him, for he had such tiny eyes, while the Coons’ logo’s eyes were really big – to underline that, he shook his monstrous food-and-beer store with both hands…

Yeah, this game won’t make the season highlight reel, probably.

The next day we also discovered that some two dozen seats had been ripped out and stolen, as well as the #2 retired for Christopher Powell, high on top of the batter’s eye. How the drunkards had even gotten up there was beyond me. Maud filed in sick for the weekend. I would have done the same, but somebody had to motivate Slappy to clean the park of about a thousand vomit stains, too…

Raccoons (33-25) vs. Pacifics (40-21) – June 8-10, 2012

Dominating the FL West, the Pacifics had sored 301 runs already, almost five per game, and on the other hand had allowed only 198, less than 3.3 per game! They led the FL in about all pitching categories, and the hitting wasn’t shabby for sure. The Raccoons had a big fish to swallow here, and they put a streak of five consecutive series wins against L.A. on the table that stretched all the way back to 2001! Yes, the 2001 Coons actually won a series from time to time.

Projected matchups:
Shunyo Yano (2-4, 4.88 ERA) vs. J.J. Wirth (8-3, 3.24 ERA)
Nick Brown (7-1, 2.97 ERA) vs. Jack Berry (7-3, 3.76 ERA)
Scott Spears (2-3, 3.05 ERA) vs. Brad Smith (5-4, 4.36 ERA)

Ernest Green (6-2, 2.74 ERA) pitched on Thursday after all, so we did not get a left-hander for this series. Jack Berry is the guy I traded away because “he would get bombed by big league pitching”. His 93-79 career record and 3.76 ERA claim differently. Let’s not explore the 2002 trade with the Buffaloes that was made to send him away, because I am close to tears already. Although I was right in one point: Berry is a living home run generator, surrendering ONE homer more to big league batters than Nick Brown, who has close to 50% more innings pitched. Oh well, we’ll see what he’s worth on Saturday in direct head-to-head competition.

Game 1
LAP: 3B Carroll – 2B V. Flores – CF J. Roberts – 1B Murphy – RF J. Thomas – LF Davenport – C Spears – SS Lulli – P Wirth
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Palmer – RF J. Alexander – 1B Quebell – LF Pruitt – 3B Merritt – CF Seeley – C Bowen – P Yano

J.J. Wirth was walky at first, issuing two free passes in both of the first two innings, but the Raccoons could never find a hit to accompany their free base runners. The top 3rd started with Errol Spears getting drilled by a so far perfect Yano, and with two outs Jens Carroll and ex-Coon Vic Flores had RBI hits to get the Pacifics 2-0 ahead. Bottom 3rd, leadoff walk to Palmer – dissolved in John Alexander’s double play. Another leadoff walk was issued to Pruitt in the fourth, and finally Jon Merritt came up with a single, the Coons’ first hit of the day, to put the tying runs on again. Jason Seeley unhelpfully whiffed before Bowen walked to load them up. Wirth’s first pitch to Yano was wild and escaped Spears, allowing Pruitt to score the first run, but Wirth then came back to strike out Yano and was lucky when Yoshi Nomura hit a vicious line to rightfield but EXACTLY to Josh Thomas. The walk parade continued unabated, with another one to Palmer to start the fifth, but, ay, Alexander hit into another double play. EIGHT walks were issued by Wirth through five, and the Coons could not possibly have done ANY LESS with them. Wirth even had the indecency to remain in the game, batted with two outs in the top 7th with nobody on, and with his single sparked a rally that culminated in Jimmy Roberts pulverizing Yano’s 102nd pitch of the night for a game-deciding 3-run homer, 6-1. Quebell managed to hit an RBI double in the eighth, and Castro found a way to hit into another double play in the same inning. 6-2 Pacifics. Quebell 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Slayton 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Somehow we can’t get out of the bottom 3 in starters’ ERA. Must be that the rotation is loaded with stinkers.

Except for Nick Brown of course.

Game 2
LAP: 3B Carroll – 2B V. Flores – CF J. Roberts – 1B Murphy – C Spears – LF Davenport – SS Lulli – RF J. Thomas – P Berry
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Palmer – LF Pruitt – 1B Quebell – CF Castro – RF Seeley – C D. Alexander – 3B Canning – P Brown

Jens Carroll became #2,400 for Brownie right at the start of the game, but the Pacifics were soon starting to hit that old ball very, very well. They had three singles in the first two innings, no runs, but starting with Carroll again they hit the ball hard the entire third inning. Carroll and Vic Flores made hard outs before Jimmy Roberts doubled off the base of the wall and Stanley Murphy finally homered to left. Spears walked, Willie Davenport singled, and somehow Adriano Lulli made the third out after all. The Coons left three men in scoring position in the first three innings, already indicating that they were not going to be of any help for arguably the best pitcher on the team. Murphy homered again in the fifth, running the score to 3-0, and Pruitt had just saved Brown a run before that with a mildly spectacular grab on Jimmy Roberts’ drive to deep left. Brown hit a 1-out single in the bottom 5th with D-Alex already on base, but the only effect that turned out to have was that he was left along with him in scoring position.

Brown ended up being dismantled completely in the sixth inning. A leadoff walk to Josh Thomas was bad enough; Berry, who was home run prone like a four-year old with fine motor skill problems, wasn’t giving up anything to the Raccoons, and laid down a perfect bunt to get Thomas to second. Carroll grounded hard to third, where Canning pulled a Merritt and threw the ball away. After Flores struck out, only Brown’s fourth on the day, Roberts singled, scoring the fifth run for the Pacifics. That brought up Stanley Murphy, and when the pitching coach came out to inquire about Brownie’s well-being he clawed at him and would give up the ball. It came just how it had to come. Murphy raked a 1-2 pitch in the middle of the zone, and all over the park children started to cry, as Brown’s line ended up at 5 2/3 innings, 11 hits, two walks, and seven runs (three earned) once Murphy had deposited another one in the leftfield stands. The Raccoons would score a couple in the bottom of the seventh, but … ugh, who gives a ****? 8-2 Pacifics. Nomura 2-5, RBI; Palmer 2-5, RBI;

I must start cutting myself again, that worked well better than banging the fists against the wall.

Walt Canning was demoted to AAA after his unhelpful performance, batting 1-for-12, and fielding like Ricardo Martinez (who is stashed away in AAA Albuquerque by the Rebels). Dave Roudabush replaced him. Same skill set, same low expectations.

Game 3
LAP: 3B Carroll – 2B V. Flores – 1B Murphy – RF J. Thomas – LF Davenport – CF M. Perez – C B. Campbell – SS Lulli – P B. Smith
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Palmer – RF J. Alexander – 1B Quebell – LF Pruitt – CF Castro – 3B Merritt – C D. Alexander – P Spears

For the second time this week a Raccoon hit a double, tried to get a triple, and was left with nothing but a bruise on his arm, and this time it was Yoshi to start the first inning. That cost a run, again, as he would have been on to be collected as well with Quebell’s 12th homer of the season, which now only picked up John Alexander for a 2-0 lead. Brad Smith, perhaps the best of their starters despite having the worst season ERA, then inexplicably walked Pruitt and Castro (slightly ruining his 5.1 K/BB ratio), before allowing a 3-run bomb to Merritt, 5-0! For the Coons!

Mind though, before going bonkers, that we had a very recent waiver claim pitching, and although Scott Spears was perfect the first time through the order, whiffing four in a row at one point, a lingering feeling of impending doom remained and was justified by the fourth inning and Josh Thomas’ 2-run homer to dead center, and it was DAMN DEEP down there. The Coons didn’t get any other runners off Smith in three innings before he was hit for in the top of the fifth. Spears came close to getting toppled in the sixth, with Murphy, whom he had struck out twice before, walking, and moving to third on Thomas’ single, but Spears struck out his last batter, one way or another, Willie Davenport, to escape a jam with a damn fine line after all. Bottom 6th, more stupidity on the bases by the home team, as Quebell hit a 1-out double, then was doubled off second base when Vic Flores caught Pruitt’s liner in one fluid motion on the way to the bag.

Top 7th, the pen took over and chaos reigned immediately. Mullins allowed a single to Manny Perez, then smacked Brian Campbell outright. After Lulli flew out deep to right, Ron Thrasher was called on to take care of PH Ramón Echevarria, whom he struck out, but then surrendered a 2-run double to Carroll anyway. Micah Steele came out to face Vic Flores, who singled to left on the first pitch, but Jimmy Roberts, who had replaced an ailing Carroll as pinch-runner, had to stop at third base. After that, Jason Seeley, who had entered along with Steele and had replaced Pruitt in leftfield, was waving his arms in huge circles trying to find the fly to left that Stanley “Browniekiller” Murphy hit on a 1-2 pitch. I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable boos, but Seeley recovered and made a clumsy catch, but sometimes a catch is a catch is a catch… Steele made it through the eighth, but the Raccoons were unable to provide an insurance run, managing ONE hit from the second through the eighth. ONE. Angel Casas was thus charged with protecting a ONE-run lead, starting with Lulli in the top 9th. The righty shortstop struck out, but then left-hander Pedro Morán came out to pinch-hit and beat Angel with a double to deep left. Oh well, we still have – nothing: Jimmy Roberts CRUSHED a ball, deep right center, forget it, just forget it, just forget everything. 6-5 Pacifics. Quebell 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Spears 6.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 K;

I … I … –

(sobs)

In other news

June 4 – Another pitcher is out for this season and the beginning of the next, as CIN SP Juan Garcia (3-4, 6.19 ERA) has been diagnosed with a torn flexor tendon and an estimated 11 months to recover from that.

Complaints and stuff

L.A.’s Stanley Murphy is the first player to have multiple 3-homer games, achieving his second such game almost a year after his first. On June 18, 2011, he branded the Stars for three dingers.

The 2,900th regular season franchise win remains up for grabs, mainly because our rotation is **** – you might have noticed – and to salvage the season I need to make a trade sooner rather than later, since everything I can pick off the dump somewhere will probably just turn into another Conway nightmare. Or Spears. Or … or the dented Denton.

By the way, Pedro Morán, who started the Pacifics’ comeback on Sunday, is 36 years old. This at-bat was his first at-bat … IN NINE YEARS. He amassed 763 AB with the Blue Sox from 1999 through 2003, then vanished. And he beat Angel Casas.

The 2012 Raccoons – rotten to the core.