A random observation to start off my second update: yesterday I talked a little bit about conditions, which basically tell you when an item /is/ and /isn't/ eligible to be shown. What I forgot to mention, though, is that some of the preset conditions-- the ones that, by default, go with the comments-- are extremely weird. For instance, this text object:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Some dude. Just, like, a guy, OK? You're such a square. Get off my back!
I've had my share of contract spats over the years, and quite frankly I'm tired of that. I'm [Person.Age] years old and ready to sign my final contract. It won't be with you unless you offer me more than [Team.City Link] is floating. If you can match, or exceed it, you might just have hooked me.
[Person.Link]
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... is /not/ conditional on the player's age, but rather on his service time. In fact, several of the default messages that indicated that a player "wants to sign his last contract" were tied to service time instead of age. I wonder if whoever did that knows something about the aging algorithm in 2K6 that the rest of us don't.
Probably not, though. I can't think of any reason to make service time a component of the aging algorithm. Anyways! To business.
(
Tiny yellow dudes: By George, we'll drink to that! TO BUSINESS!
Disheveled-looking, wild-eyed old man: 
You young kids today disgust me. The way you two drink and carry on, there's no doubt in my old mind that pretty soon there'll be a Commie in the White House.
Bystanders: 
Tiny yellow dudes:
Disheveled-looking, wild-eyed old man: A Commie /terrorist/.
Ghost of V.I. Lenin: You rang?
Allow me to introduce my colleague Koba, sometimes known as Stalin, who-- uh--who... oh, dammit. Where's he gotten to? Koba? Koba? [spots him] KOBA! Stop consorting with the bourgeois youth!
Ghost of Iosef Stalin: I'm sorry, Comrade Lenin, but I can't hear a word you're saying! I'm too busy rocking out!
Ghost of V.I. Lenin: ... idiot.
Well, then. Comrade Trotski, maybe YOU can sort of stand off to one side and loom threateningly while I talk.
Ghost of Leon Trotski: Ohhh... please don't talk so loud, Il'ych. I have an awful headache.
MEANWHILE, in Shannon's apartment, unbeknownst to any of the Commie ghosts:
Shannon: 
Oh, Mike!
Mike: Yes, Shannon! Shannon!
... when SUDDENLY...
Shannon's boyfriend Eric (from offscreen): Honey, I'm ho-ome! Guess who left work early-- [opens door to bedroom] OH MY GOD!
WILL Eric demand Mike duel him to the death...
or will he take revenge right here, right now?
Perhaps the two of them will have an angry dance-off for the hand and heart of Shannon!
But maybe things will take a /sexy/ turn. Yes, there could be... a THREESOME!
And what will become of the ghosts of Commies past? Find out on the next episode of... DAYS OF OUR EMOTICONS!
)
Yeah. So anyways, to business. Remember when I said that in this update, I'd talk about my grandiose plan involving player agents? I /am/ going to talk about it. And while I talk about it, it would be a good idea if we both pretend that it would be a significant addition to the game, as opposed to a cosmetic one.
Let me backtrack and explain here. My Super Smart & Totally Completely Brilliant Plan (tm) was simple. I would write the contract negotiation e-mails in five distinct styles, ranging from a guy who really does care about his client's personal ambitions, but employs a ludicrously soft sell:
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Originally Posted by Paul Denton
When I talked with [Person.Link] the other day, he told me that he's getting pretty old for a ballplayer, and that he can't believe how fast his kids are growing up. He said he thought his body had a few years left in it, but that the time is coming when he'll want to hang 'em up and be a full-time father.
I told him I admired his priorities, which I do, and I also said that, come hell or high water, I'd land him a contract that took him all the way through to retirement, which I will. And that's why I have to tell you that my client can't accept your offer, and will be signing with [Team.City Link] unless you can offer him a contract that'll run a little longer than your last proposal would've.
It's not that big a gap; we're talking about one extra year here, preferably guaranteed but we'll take a player option. A no-trade clause might also be a good idea, but we won't insist on it.
We're not making any particular demands about the terms of the contract, because we don't want you to feel hamstrung when you sit down with us to work out your final offer. All we want is for you to make an offer that's both generous and fair.
Sincerely yours,
Paul Denton
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... to Mr. Hard Sell, who's an obnoxious jerk who thinks he's smarter'n'he really is:
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Originally Posted by Brad Hampton
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Tick...
The [Team.Nickname Link] have offered my client, [Person.Link], a very tempting deal-- one so tempting, actually, that tomorrow he's going to fly out there and start looking for an apartment.
In short: yes, he does plan to sign a contract in the next few days, but no, he hasn't made a final, irrevocable decision yet. So gentlemen, if you really want my client on your team, man up and put your best bid forward no later than 8 PM New York time tomorrow night.
Tock,
Brad Hampton
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... and, in order to keep two different agents from sending e-mails on behalf of the same player, I would once again make use of the conditions (you have no idea how much I love conditions) so that you'd only receive e-mails from Brad Hampton, who's the /most/ aggressive and hard-driving agent, on behalf of players with a greed rating of 5 (on a scale of 0-5); you'd only receive e-mails from the next-most aggressive agent from players with a greed rating of 4; and so on down the line. (The specific way I planned to do this was pretty simple: just set two conditions for each e-mail from a given agent-- Minimum Greed and Maximum Greed. If you set them both to 4, for instance, then agent #4 will never send out e-mails on behalf of any player whose greed rating is less than OR greater than 4.)
So in theory, at least, you can use the greed rating to divide all players into five bands, and ALL players within each band who will only send out e-mails signed A) by one specific agent... or B) in their own name.
Point B is why the agent system is, as I was saying earlier, only a very small improvement on the status quo. The e-mails in that category are all (well, almost all) just short, generic messages, such as this:
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Originally Posted by THX 1138
I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm strongly considering another offer. The [Team.Nickname Link] have made me an outstanding offer. I'll let you have one last shot to sign me if you're interested, but you'd better put real money on the table.
Cordially,
[Person.Link]
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The thing is, these generic, from-a-player e-mails will vastly outnumber the longer from-an-agent e-mails that I've written. This is because, in a hypothetical nightmare world in which I replaced all the generic messages with agent messages, I would have to write an /insane/number of long, personalized e-mails from eeeeeeach and every agent to deal with eeeeeach with every possible situation in the course of a contract negotiation, or else you'd notice that the agents' messages were repeatin' with unseemly frequency.
Now, the truth is that I /could/ do that if I wanted to devote the time and effort to it. But honestly I don't, because that's not my goal -- mostly I just want to clean up the awkward and frequently deficient prose in the game's text, and add more variety, flavor, and realism so the game feels more immersive. You could say that my plan consists of two prongs: 1) smooth, and 2) improve. Tearing down what's already there and building something wholly new to take its place... well, that's neither smoothing nor improving.
BONUS QUESTIONS FOR ACTUALLY READING TO THE END OF THIS INSANELY LONG-O POST:
1. Remember how my Day 1 update claimed my update for Day 2 would actually be shorter?
2. Did you believe that?
3. Really?
4. Hahahahahaha! I can't believe how gullible you are.