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Usually if a team does make an offer on your RFAs, you get the chance to match their offer as well (if you already tried offering them a minimum deal to keep their rights). If you choose not to match, the player will go to the other team and you get compensation, typically in the form of draft picks based on the value of the contract. At least, this is how I recall it being in real life, I haven't done a full season of the modern day mode still in the game (on either version surprisingly) so I don't know for sure if it's implemented the same way.
As for defensemen, like previously mentioned, if you want a defensive-minded guy then the +/- rating is a big one, since it takes consideration for when the player is on the ice when goals are scored (at even strength, or shorthanded goals). Shots blocked is also important as well.
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