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Old 07-17-2019, 06:20 PM   #2914
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Raccoons (38-54) vs. Canadiens (39-53) – July 22-24, 2031

It was not that good a year for Pacific Northwest teams, and two of them would fall over each other again in this 4-game midweek set, opening with a double header following an off day. I swear whoever does the schedule must be routinely even more drunk than me… The damn Elks were last in batting average, but seventh in runs scored in the CL, while they allowed the fifth-most runs. Their run differential was -43, which was a bit worse than the Coons’ (-31), and the Critters also had the edge in the season series, 5-3.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (5-5, 3.57 ERA) vs. Logan Bessey (4-7, 4.06 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (0-1, 7.94 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (5-8, 4.40 ERA)
Dave Martinez (3-7, 4.80 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (4-10, 3.31 ERA)
Ed Hague (5-7, 4.01 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (6-7, 2.84 ERA)

The Coons had to go to a spot starter after Dave Martinez had thrown 111 pitches on Friday and was not fit for use on three days’ rest. Gurney however had offered only 48 pitches while getting blown out on Thursday, so there was that…

The Raccoons would see a left-hander in the first leg of the double header (Bessey), then probably another one on Wednesday (Corcoran, the unlucky bastard).

Game 1
VAN: 2B LeJeune – RF Maiello – LF A. Torres – CF Wojnarowski – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – 1B Cuomo – SS N. Millan – P Bessey
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – LF Jamieson – 3B Hereford – 1B Howden – CF Magallanes – C Rocha – P Gurney

In the hard scrabble that was baseball for these 2031 Raccoons, Jason Gurney threatened to undo an early lead with every single pitch he made. The Raccoons scratched out a run in the first, when Jimmy Wallace cashed Tim Stalker and his double, and another one in the second that saw Daniel Rocha nicked, bunted to second, and plated by Alberto Ramos with a single near the rightfield line. In both innings, they would get another 2-out single (Hereford, Stalker, respectively), but would strand pairs. Gurney meanwhile had been shaky in the first two frames, then started the top 3rd with 1-2 counts against Bessey and Jesse LeJeune, allowing a single to the former and nicking the latter. Nando Maiello’s groundout advanced the runners, who were then stranded when Alex Torres (not the threat of yore) whiffed and Brian Wojnarowski lined out to Matt Jamieson. Base hits by Hereford, Magallanes, and Rocha (!) plated another run in the bottom 3rd, and yet two more were stranded. While it was all fun and games until then, the fourth inning saw Fernando Garcia requiring retirement with heroics in the gap. Jimmy Wallace chose to offer said heroics, made a flying grab, then tumbled roughly over the ground, and he might even had disappeared under the ground for a brief moment. In the end, the action rendered his arm somewhat paralyzed and he came out of the game with a separated shoulder. Vanatti replaced him, while I replaced an empty bottle of Capt’n Coma with a new one. The sadness was resilient to Rich Hereford’s unearned 3-run homer with two outs in the fourth, the result of a Stalker single, a Nelson Millan error that put Jamieson on with two outs, and then lots o’ oomph out of Rich’s bat. It was his 13th bomb of the season, a far cry from ’28. The whole team was a far cry from ’28. The Hereford homer was the final run-scoring event of the game. The Coons laid down for a snooze for the last four innings of “hitting”, while the damn Elks kept getting the leadoff man on base against Gurney, six times total in the game, and yet never managed to score thanks to assorted variants of dumb stuff, including a flurry of double plays and having runners on second and third and popping out three times. Gurney lasted eight innings when he could have been blown over in four, and Nick Derks pitched a scoreless ninth, allowing only a hit to Nelson Millan. 6-0 Coons. Stalker 3-3, 2B; Wallace 1-2, RBI; Hereford 3-4, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; Gurney 8.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 3 K, W (6-5);

Jimmy Wallace could not move his arm at all. Said appendage remained stiffly angled to wrap around the back of his head so that the hand could tickle the opposite earlobe. By the way, Jimmy, about that armpit hair… we are the Raccoons and all, but that is a nature reserve of its own. Go shave that stuff, or burn it off from time to time!

Regarding the actual medical consequences, I heard the Druid say “Dios mio!” at least seventeen times, then he told me that this would take at least four weeks to heal out. Then he requested that I leave the room while he started treatment. The second I closed the door to the trainer’s room behind me, I heard a cracking noise, along with Jimmy Wallace’s wailing for momma. I quickly walked away. I had roster moves to file with the league.

Actually only one roster move between games. Wallace was whisked to the DL, and we activated the starter for the second leg of the double header, Raffaello Sabre. Without the injury, which I would have preferred, it would have hit a reliever, likely Derks or Anaya.

Game 2
VAN: 2B LeJeune – RF Maiello – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – LF A. Torres – 3B Anton – C R. Ortiz – SS N. Millan – P J. Martin
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Hereford – 1B Howden – CF Vanatti – 3B Nunley – C Leal – P Sabre

This was the third ABL start for Sabre, who had a career 0-2 record and 11.32 ERA but looked like he could improve on that in this game. He allowed only three hits through five innings, which unfortunately included back-to-back a David Fisher triple and Alex Torres RBI double with two down in the fourth inning. That erased a 1-0 lead, but Sabre would be spotted a new lead in the fifth when Rich Hereford singled in a pair with the bases loaded and two outs. Those runs would be unearned, courtesy of a Nelson Millan error to load the bases for Hereford in the first place, and while their first run had been earned it hadn’t been deserved. Ramos singled, stole second, moved up on a grounder, but scored only on a wild pitch in the bottom of the third inning.

Sabre then removed the opposing pitcher from the game with a 1-out RBI double in the bottom 6th, plating Vanatti and moving Leal, who had forced out Nunley, to third base. Joe Martin was instructed to walk Ramos intentionally, then departed with the sacks full for former starter Jeremy Truett and his 5.52 ERA to face Tim Stalker, who had recently surged, but struck out, as did Jamieson.

Top 7th, Fisher with a leadoff single, and then Sabre lost Torres in a full count. That put him at 90 pitches with the tying run at the plate. Now, if anything about this season mattered anymore, the pen would get involved now. But the Raccoons needed to see this kind stave off adversity rather than being devoured by it. Sabre stuck in there against Matt Anton, who grounded to Ramos for a 6-4-3 double play, then got Ricky Ortiz to 0-2 before allowing a bouncer to Jarod Howden for the third out. (turns to Honeypaws and Slappy and nods with energy) The council herewith voices its approval! That turned out to be all for Sabre, seven well-pitched innings for his maiden win, because the bullpen for once abstained from folding into a black hole with great noise, and instead retired the damn Elks mostly steadily. Ohl and Boles combined for the eighth, and Chris Wise nailed down the save in a perfect ninth. 4-1 Critters. Ramos 2-3, BB; Hereford 2-3, BB, 2 RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, W (1-1) and 1-3, 2B, RBI;

Sabre returned to AAA after the game and the baseball gods decided that it was time for more of Wilson Rodriguez in lieu of Jimmy Wallace, because everybody else in AAA in terms of outfielders seemed to have been caught with their head under water for a few hours. This included former flash in the pan, Ryan Allan, who was somehow 29 and counted as depth, batting .207 with the Alley Cats…

Game 3
VAN: 2B LeJeune – RF Maiello – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – LF A. Torres – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – SS N. Millan – P Corcoran
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 3B Hereford – RF Rodriguez – 1B Howden – CF Catella – C Rocha – P Martinez

Odilon’s Wrath consumed Dave Martinez right from the get-go; the right-hander put the first five Elks on base and surrendered as many runs in the inning on a sequence of single, walk, walk, RBI single, bases-clearing triple, and, after the damn Elks made two dumb outs, a wild pitch. Top 2nd, a single by LeJeune, walks issued to Wojnarowski and Fisher, and then a stupid hanger thrown to Alex Torres, who was over the hill, but not quite dead yet and claimed Martinez’ rotten guts with a slam. That was the end for the Coons’ starter, removed after 1.1 innings and nine runs. The game, of course, was lost, but that didn’t mean that the damn Elks would continue the rout. The Raccoons bullpen would throw up 7.2 innings of 1-run ball, which was all the more aggravating in the end, because it was of course all for naught. Fleischer, Fernandez, Garavito, and Anaya covered the distance, with Anaya’s unscored-upon streak to begin his ABL career coming to an end in the ninth inning, after 14 scoreless frames, when Brian Wojnarowski touched him for a solo homer. In between the Raccoons had tallied four runs of their own, one of them coming home on a passed ball charged to Fernando Garcia, and the other three were all driven in by Hereford with a 2-run homer in the fourth and an RBI double in the seventh. The latter I barely noticed, as my vision was already blurred and the room was spinning. 10-4 Canadiens. Jamieson 3-4; Hereford 2-3, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; Rodriguez 2-4, 2 2B; Magallanes (PH) 1-1; Fleischer 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K; Fernandez 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

That left one more game in the series, and we’d have visitors for that. Nick Valdes was in town for two days, accompanied by Tootsie, the always well-behaved, cold-as-ice daughter of Roger Hotchkiss “Bud” DeVilane II, well-known industrial magnate and misanthrope.

Most of our players, and foremost Matt Nunley, could smell a mint wrapped in its paper from two miles against the wind … and then would embark to snatch it. I, however, could smell blood-stained money … and Tootsie was reeking of it. Valdes, too, but he was wiring me my salary, too. Tootsie was the one I had to get rid of.

Game 4
VAN: 2B LeJeune – C F. Garcia – CF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – LF A. Torres – 3B Anton – RF Tessmann – SS N. Millan – P Govea
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Hereford – 1B Howden – CF Vanatti – 3B Nunley – C Leal – P Hague

Hague didn’t fool anybody, much like Martinez the previous day, but at least Hague kept the damn Elks off the board for at least two innings before leaking a double to Govea to begin the third inning, and he wouldn’t pull out of that one unharmed. LeJeune singled, and the Elks would score a pair on sac flies in the inning. The Coons hadn’t done anything much the first time through, but in the bottom 4th saw Jamieson and Hereford on base with one out, after which Jarod Howden doubled past Wojnarowski to plate one run, and leave runners in scoring position – the tying and go-ahead runs no less – for Joe Vanatti, who walked in a full count, which brought up Matt Nunley, who had not shone with his baseballing lately (but was still a good eater, I can attest) and his average had plummeted to .225? Old age, Matt? Nunley hissed and slapped a game-tying single through the right side, which left the bags full for Leal, who grounded up the middle for trouble, but the roller was too slow to turn two; the Elks got only Nunley, but the go-ahead run scored, and Hague went down on strikes to end the inning, up 3-2.

That lead went to die in the sixth inning in the course of another RBI triple hit by Alex Torres. Matt Anton’s sac fly gave the damn Elks the lead, 4-3, and Hague lingered into the seventh, but left the game with runners on the corners and two outs, with Josh Boles coming in to face Wojnarowski, who was hit for with Nando Maiello, who promptly singled up the middle. Tootsie remarked to Valdes that this had not been a smart managing decision the second Victor Govea (…) crossed home plate to make it 5-3. I shot lightning at her, from out of my eyes! The Coons couldn’t get going again; Nunley drew a leadoff walk in the seventh, but was doubled up by Leal. Ramos hit a leadoff single in the bottom 8th, which at least knocked off Govea. Jeremy Truett came on and struck out Stalker – again – and got Jamieson to pop out. Chris Sinkhorn got Hereford to roll out to LeJeune. Then came the top of the ninth, and a meltdown to put the game away for good. Nick Derks allowed three singles for a run, then walked the bags full against Nando Maiello. The Coons went to Garavito in a 6-3 game with the bases loaded and one out. Fisher popped to Stalker, who dropped the ball, allowing a run to score on the error. Tootsie pointed to Stalker and said barely audible to Valdes “The cat food thing – him, too!”, and Valdes nodded. I shot lightning out of my eyes again, but what did it help. Alex Torres flew to right, Hereford had it for the second out, then unleashed a TERRIBLE throw to home plate that allowed Vince Cuomo to score on another error. Garavito ran a full count on Anton before nailing him, which brought on Ricky Ortiz to pinch-hit for the pitcher with the sacks stacked. He grounded out, ending the horror show. Well, technically this was not the end of the game. The Coons still had to bat. Nunley singled off Raul de la Rosa, with two down already. Wilson Rodriguez hit for Leal and singled. Magallanes was already in the #9 hole and singled, too. Ramos came up with three on, lined to left, and right at Torres, for the final out. 8-3 Canadiens. Jamieson 2-4; Nunley 2-3, BB, RBI; Rodriguez (PH) 1-1;

When I crawled home after the game, I came past a storage room with the door slightly ajar and a dim ray of light coming out of the room, and there were rummaging noises. Just when I wanted to enter to see what was going on, I heard Tootsie’s voice as she demanded of somebody: “You have to hit it harder!”

Funny, exactly what I think of our offense. But I chose not to get involved, and just kept crawling towards my car.

Raccoons (40-56) vs. Knights (44-53) – July 25-27, 2031

The Knights were third in runs scored, but as usual had no pitching, which had been their bane for decades now. They were allowing the most runs in the league, and their run differential was a growing -65. They had the worst rotation. They had the worst bullpen. They weren’t particularly close to getting out of last place in either category. But they were also 2-1 against the Critters this year.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (5-8, 5.23 ERA) vs. Andy Jimenes (4-9, 3.63 ERA)
Dave Martinez (3-8, 5.54 ERA) vs. Armando Zaragoza (2-12, 7.32 ERA)
Jason Gurney (6-5, 3.25 ERA) vs. Gabriel Lara (7-6, 4.13 ERA)

Three right-handers. More interesting was the Coons’ situation for the middle game. It was either Gurney on short rest… or Martinez. Given that Martinez had only thrown 56 pitches – all **** – on Tuesday, that was a real opportunity this time!

None of the three rehab cases in AAA (Roberts, Shumway, Krumm) were ready to make a start this weekend.

Game 1
ATL: CF Denzler – C S. Garcia – 2B J. Johnson – RF Pincus – LF Houghtaling – 1B Harenberg – 3B Maneke – SS Thomson – P Jimenes
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Hereford – 1B Howden – CF Vanatti – 3B Nunley – C Leal – P Gutierrez

The Raccoons scored a run in the first, which began with Ramos reaching on an error by the pitcher. He went to third on a Stalker single that saw a weird throw into nowhere by Joel Denzler, allowing Stalker to move into second base. Jamieson hit an RBI single, then the wheels came off. Hereford hit a fly to Roy Pincus for an out, and Stalker was thrown out at home. Howden popped out measly to end the inning. The Knights’ answer came quickly. Pincus reached with a single off Rico Gutierrez in the second, and then Jeremy Houghtaling, the disgusting ex-Elk, and Chris Maneke hit homers to left and right, respectively. In between, Kevin Harenberg struck out after coming in batting .318 with 12 homers. Nothing got better afterwards; while the Coons did get Vanatti and Nunley to the corners with singles to begin the bottom 2nd, Vanatti also pulled his thigh going first-to-third and had to come out of the game. Magallanes replaced him, but the Coons didn’t get past a Leal sac fly.

Also soon replaced: Gutierrez. Houghtaling got him for another homer in the fourth, and he walked Harenberg, allowed a double to Maneke, and ultimately conceded a 2-run triple to Joel Denzler to get buried under a 6-2 avalanche. It was a dog’s dinner of a game – and Valdes and Tootsie were plotting to turn Rico into exactly that, I assumed, but they were talking about how you could turn roadkill into food without people noticing. Roadkill was all that Rico was anymore. The top of the sixth saw Fernandez give up a run. He walked Harenberg to begin the inning, but got a double play from Maneke. Keith Thomson then ripped a double, then scored on a pitcher’s single as Jimenes knocked in his third run of the season and the Knights’ seventh in the game. Bottom 6th, Jamieson opened with a homer to left, which left the Coons merely a slam short of the Knights, 7-3. After Hereford and Howden made outs, Magallanes singled up the middle. Nunley walked. Leal singled. Bases loaded, two outs, for the useless Sam Cass, who had pinch-hit earlier and had stayed in a presumably lost game for Tim Stalker. Now he was the tying run… He stayed in there while Valdes and Tootsie were nagging everybody present about the sub-par management and that too much fabric was being wasted on those uniform pants. Tootsie suggested to have the Raccoons play in really *short* shorts, like cut up to the hip, and how it would attract female fans, which caught Valdes’ attention. In the meantime, Sam Cass turned a full count into a walk and an RBI, the second of his career in 48 plate appearances across three seasons. Ramos, however, grounded out to John Johnson. That was more or less the game. There was only a Maneke homer off Boles in the eighth, and a Jamieson groundout that plated Ramos in the ninth, but also drank away the Coons’ penultimate out. Hereford struck out to end it. 8-5 Knights. Jamieson 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Hereford 2-5, 3B; Vanatti 1-1; Magallanes 2-3, 2B; Cass (PH) 1-2, BB, RBI;

In good news… Valdes and Toots were out of town after this game. The Knights would hang around for two more games.

Joe Vanatti was day-to-day with a sore thigh, which would limit him for the rest of the weekend and then a couple more days on top of that.

Game 2
ATL: CF Denzler – C S. Garcia – RF Pincus – 1B Harenberg – 2B J. Johnson – LF Houghtaling – 3B Maneke – SS Thomson – P Zaragoza
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Hereford – 1B Howden – 3B Nunley – CF Magallanes – C Rocha – P Martinez

Martinez threw just 17 pitches to the first seven batters he faced. He faced all of them in the first inning, and then some. The Knights batted around the order and scored three runs before Zaragoza struck out to strand a full set. A walk to Steve Garcia and four singles hit by the next five batters had created the offense for Atlanta, with Keith Thomson drawing a 2-out, bases-loaded walk for the third run. Roy Pincus drove in Denzler with a double in the second, 4-0, with the Coons getting on the board via a Howden homer in the bottom 2nd. That didn’t make Martinez’ pitching any better… Top 3rd, singles by Maneke, Thomson, and Denzler plated a run, and then Martinez had the guts to walk Steve Garcia to fill them up with two outs. Down 5-1, he was yanked. The Critters sent Fleischer, who got a pop from Pincus to end the inning.

But the pen was overworked, and it showed. Nick Derks came unglued for two runs in the sixth inning, and while the Coons scrambled to score a run in the fourth and a run in the sixth, they also left two stranded in the sixth and three in the seventh, the latter one when Matt Jamieson popped out as the tying run in a 7-3 game. Bottom 8th, the tying run was at the plate again following Magallanes and Rodriguez singles and an RBI double by Ramos. Tim Stalker batted as said tying run, whiffed once more, and Leal batted for the pitcher Anaya in the #3 hole and grounded out… In turn, an unearned run fell out of Chris Wise in the ninth inning, courtesy too of a 2-out throwing error by Matt Nunley… The bottom 9th started with Hereford singling off Arturo Arellano. Howden popped out, the dumb pig. And Nunley hit into a double play… 8-4 Knights. Ramos 2-5, 2B, RBI; Howden 2-5, HR, 2B, RBI; Magallanes 1-1, 3 BB; Rodriguez (PH) 2-2, 2B, RBI; Anaya 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

The Raccoons needed new pitchers.

Well, I should probably clarify. They had to ship in new relievers, because the old ones were used up. Granted, it was not the fault of the relivers, but rather the cavalcade of walking disasters that made up the rotation, but we had to bring in some fresh arms. Nick Derks (4.99 ERA) and David Fernandez (1.52 ERA) were sent to the Alley Cats, and we brought up … well, Nick Bates was available and technically had a 0.00 ERA in the majors this year… technically. And, hey, you know who’s still around? Juan Barzaga! The old sod – signed out of the Dominican Republic in January of *2013*!! – was STILL around in the minors at almost 35 years old. Presumably he had really nowhere else to go. He had a 4.66 ERA with the Alley Cats this year. For his major league career he had a 5.47 ERA in 52 games sprinkled across almost a decade of cups of coffee. Almost 35 and in the organization for 18 years, he had only amounted to 97 big-league innings.

Game 3
ATL: CF Denzler – C S. Garcia – 2B J. Johnson – RF Pincus – LF Houghtaling – 1B Harenberg – 3B Hawkins – SS Thomson – P Lara
POR: SS Ramos – CF Magallanes – LF Jamieson – 2B Hereford – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – 3B Nunley – C Leal – P Gurney

Gurney shoveled the bags full much to my utter dismay, but rung up Harenberg to end the inning without allowing a run across home plate in the first. The Coons also didn’t score despite a Magallanes single and Jamieson double in the bottom 1st. Magallanes MIGHT have scored on the double… but he had been picked off first before Jamieson knocked it. The Knights would start the third with straight hits, including a Steve Garcia single, and a John Johnson homer to left. Pincus also singled, but was left on. Gurney held them there through five, allowing six hits, and the Coons had five hits, but almost perfectly spread them out in the first five innings, and never reached third base. Gurney only made it through one more inning, walking Houghtaling and Tom Hawkins, but keeping them on base, somehow. That put him at 97 pitches, and the pen would get involved for the last three innings.

…and maybe with less than a 2-run deficit? Lara allowed a leadoff double to Jamieson in the bottom 6th, and Hereford snuck a single up the middle to put runners on the corners with nobody out. Here came Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, and hit right into the shortstop’s maws, Keith Thomson turning a run-scoring 6-4-3 double play. Bottom 8th, Ramos reached base to begin the inning, then was forced out on Magallanes’ grounder. Jamieson singled, moving the tying run to second base for Hereford, who grounded up the middle, a ball that Thomson narrowly missed for a bases-loading single… which brought up Howden again. The Knights stuck to Lara, because that had already worked before. Howden struck out, the dumb pig, and Rodriguez popped out, stranding all the precious runners. While the Critters pieced innings together with the pen, using both Ohl and Garavito as well as the new arrivals Bates and Barzaga to get through nine, they would also get one more chance to come back, with the bottom of the order up against right-hander Levi Snoeij and his 5.76 ERA in the bottom 9th. Nunley grounded out to short. Vanatti hit for Leal and was nailed. Stalker batted for the pitcher and whiffed (…!), and that made Ramos the last-scratch batter. Snoeij lost him on straight balls, and now a double could actually win the Coons the game … except that Magallanes was not a doubles guy. He grounded out to Johnson. 2-1 Knights. Ramos 2-3, 2 BB, 2B; Jamieson 3-4, 2 2B; Hereford 2-4;

In other news

July 21 – CHA LF/RF Barend Kok (.247, 10 HR, 38 RBI) is likely out for the season with a severe concussion.
July 23 – The Aces deal LF/RF Tom Dunlap (.303, 9 HR, 26 RBI) to the Thunder, along with swathes of cash, for three prospects.
July 25 – A second-inning single by OF Adam Braun (.278, 7 HR, 23 RBI) is all the Titans amount to in a 1-0 loss to the Condors, although it takes them 11 innings to lose in walkoff fashion. The Condors only get four hits themselves, and none in the game winning bottom of the 11th. BOS CL Jermaine Campbell () walks Jorge Zamora, and Kevin McGrath, gets a grounder from Chris Miller, walks Yeong-ha Sung intentionally, and nails OF Juan Camps (.279, 9 HR, 38 RBI) to end the game.
July 27 – TIJ 3B Shane Sanks (.227, 16 HR, 56 RBI) drives in six runs on four hits, including a homer and a double, in a 10-0 rout of the Titans.

Complaints and stuff

(insistingly waves brown shorts at Matt Nunley) Well, it’s not my fault, either, but you have to at least put them on once, so we can see how they fit!! – Don’t you hiss at me!!

Well, there he went, slamming the door. All that’s left now is me, Slappy, and Cristiano. I am sorry, but nobody wants to see old men wearing shorts that are barely covering their old man butts. Cristiano, you have to wear them. – It’s just for a few photos. – Why can’t you show your legs? – What’s a leg bag?

Demise! And I am not only talking about Dave Martinez, who is about to be turned into a fur hat after a week in which he went 0-2 with a 31.50 ERA. One more start like that and you’re going to be banished to AT LEAST St. Petersburg, Dave, lest Odilon smothers me! (threateningly raises index finger, then freezes and waits for divine lightning that never arrives)

Nobody is eager to trade for Rich Hereford (the Player of the Week, batting .481 (13-for-27) with 2 HR and 8 RBI!), who was my imaginary ticket towards a prospect. Him or Ohl. Maybe Stalker. No biters.

Nope, we’re not gonna trade Ramos. Berto is only 25. Berto can win lots more titles with the Coonies!

Fun Fact: 13 years ago today, the Bayhawks’ Dave Garcia hit for the cycle in a 14-0 romp over the Crusaders.

Although Garcia missed SO MUCH TIME to injuries throughout his career, his Hall of Fame case is really convincing. By now the first baseman for the Cyclones after 17 seasons in the Continental League, Garcia has hit .291/.357/.488 for his career with 2,347 hits, 332 homers, and 1,285 RBI. He has also taken 178 bases, and has quite the silverware, including 10 All Star Games, five Platinum Sticks, a Gold Glove, and two Player of the Year awards. The only thing missing would be a ring. Unfortunately for him, none of the three teams he played for (Bayhawks, Thunder, Cyclones) has won a championship since he was signed in the July 2011 international free agent period.

The most recent championship won by one of those teams? Why, of course the Cyclones. In 2010, and in six games.

And over the Raccoons…
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