[Westheim]

Raccoons (31-43) vs. Aces (23-51) – June 30-July 2, 2031

The Aces were the main reason that we wouldn’t notch another #1 pick to blow on a Carlos Gonzalez-sized disaster next year, not anything the Raccoons were achieving on the field. Vegas was at the bottom of the pile in runs scored – their output being a frigid 3.25 runs per game! – and also sat in the bottom three in runs allowed for an unhealthy -107 run differential before we had even reached the halfway point of the season, which wouldn’t happen until Sunday. Rotation and bullpen were equally dismissable for them, and the Raccoons led the season series, 2-1.

Projected matchups:
Trevor Draper (0-0) vs. Chris Guyett (3-10, 5.82 ERA)
Ed Hague (4-5, 4.88 ERA) vs. Pete Molina (3-4, 5.21 ERA)
Jason Gurney (3-3, 3.79 ERA) vs. Tom Grant (0-3, 3.21 ERA)

It would be the regular turn for Grant on Monday, but he was suspended for fisticuffs in a recent game (much like Howden, who had been suspended through Sunday). Guyett thus had to go on short rest, but it wasn’t like normal rest was helping him any. “Bad Moon” Molina, former Raccoons first-rounder in 2018 and once included in the snatch for Frank Kelly in ’21, might make a spot start, or he might now. Andy Palomares (5-7, 4.01 ERA) might pitch on short rest on Tuesday, or he might not. Whatever the development – those guys were all right-handed.

Game 1
LVA: SS Baer – LF Dunlap – 1B Jon Gonzalez – C Balcome – 2B Yi – 3B Borchardt – CF Price – RF Crow – P Guyett
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Howden – RF Wallace – 2B Hereford – LF Jamieson – C Tovias – 3B Nunley – CF Vanatti – P Draper

Draper with his career record of 4-5 and 5.74 ERA very nearly managed to make the Aces look like a hitting team. Despite stringing up a few zeroes to begin the game, by the fourth inning he became visibly unglued. Long counts, bad counts, a Riley Balcome double to open the inning, and ultimately after a Joel Borchardt single, a walk to Corey Price, sac fly hit by Andy Crow, and – bitterly – Guyett’s 2-out RBI single, there were two runs on the board for the Aces and none for the Critters. He opened the fifth with full count walks to Tom Dunlap and Jon Gonzalez, and before long was yanked on 101 pitches, all of them terrible. Derks inherited the runners and stranded them mostly on Jarod Howden’s defense. The first baseman made a swift dash for In-chul Yi’s grounder for one out, then picked a bad bounce by Hereford to retire Borchardt to end the top of the fifth. When Tovias drew a leadoff walk from Guyett and Nunley doubled to left in the bottom 5th, that was indeed the Coons very first serious charge. Previously they had only managed to get Ramos into second base via a steal and stranding him there… even worse – after Joe Vanatti hit an RBI single and the tying run was at third base with nobody down, the Coons bailed out on a Stalker grounder to short that kept Nunley pinned, Ramos popped out, and Howden went down on strikes. The dumb pig.

…and if the Aces were already impossibly far away in a 2-1 game it got only worse deeper into the game. The Coons did nothing, and the Aces did precious little, but managed to double their output on an eighth-inning, 2-out, 2-run homer to left-center smashed by Ramiro Barrientos off Ricky Ohl. Nevertheless the Coons brought the tying run to the plate in the bottom of the ninth, even though it took some kind help by Aces closer(?) Felipe Jacquez, who entered with a 4.43 ERA and soon enough had two on with nobody out after walking Tovias and putting Nunley on with a grounder he fumbled himself. Vanatti lined out to Dunlap in left, Catella hit into a fielder’s choice, and with runners on the corners Alberto Ramos couldn’t get anything to hit and walked instead. That brought Howden up as the winning run with two outs against the right-handed struggling pitcher on the mound. Jacquez threw nothing but balls to Howden for his third walk in the inning and the first one to shove home a run, and notice how the Coons had yet to get a base hit in the damn inning? They didn’t. Jimmy Wallace flew out to Dunlap, and the game ended right there… 4-2 Aces. Boles 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K;

I did the math, and according to that 4.1 innings with five walks and two runs allowed are indeed an *improvement* for Draper. Unfathomable …!

Game 2
LVA: SS Baer – LF Dunlap – 1B Jon Gonzalez – C Pizzo – 3B Schlegelmilch – RF Montes – CF Crow – 2B Borchardt – P Palomares
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Howden – RF Wallace – LF Hereford – C Tovias – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – CF Vanatti – P Hague

Ed Hague retired the Aces in order the first time through, whiffing four, then reached on a gruesome throwing error by Ted Schlegelmilch in the bottom 3rd. The 2-base error put Hague on second base and Nunley on third after a leadoff single, and Ramos was not walked intentionally with first base open, but rather slapped an RBI single up the middle for the first marker on the scoreboard. That was all, with Howden, the dumb pig, popping out, and Wallace grounding out to the mound. The Critters, deservedly so or not, got another fat chance in the fourth with Tovias and Stalker in scoring position and one out for Nunley, who hit a drive to center that was caught by Andy Crow and was only good enough for a sac fly, 2-0. Vanatti was walked intentionally, Hague flew out, and then had his perfecto bid obliterated by a Schlegelmilch single in the fifth inning. That was the Aces’ only base runner through six innings, though, with Hague ringing up seven. The only thing that could make this game a wee bit more comfy would be another run or two for the Trash Can Topplers. That was not a call they could answer, though. They would not manage to get even five hits off Palomares, who went eight on short rest, and when Ramos reached on a Schlegelmilch error to begin the bottom 8th, Howden, the dumb pig, fell asleep in a hit-and-run call and Ramos was thrown out at second base. That left Hague to fend for himself, entering the ninth on a 2-hitter and 94 pitches. Because we couldn’t have any nice things, the inning began with Ramiro Barrientos’ second pinch-hit homer of the series, and that one cut the gap in half. I kicked my desk in a fit of rage, which wouldn’t make the team play any better, either. Chris Wise came in after all, got two outs, then gave up a clean single to left to former Coon Jon Gonzalez. Another former Coon, even though with considerable less good memories attached was Mike Pizzo. Wise bested him with 95mph, and the series was even. 2-1 Blighters. Nunley 1-2, RBI; Hague 8.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 8 K, W (5-5);

Game 3
LVA: SS Baer – LF Dunlap – 1B Jon Gonzalez – C Balcome – 2B Yi – 3B Borchardt – CF Price – RF Crow – P Grant
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Howden – LF Jamieson – RF Hereford – 3B Nunley – 2B Stalker – CF Vanatti – C Leal – P Gurney

The first scoring in the game would come in the third inning, which started with a Jon Gonzalez error that put Gurney on base. Ramos hit a single to left, after which Howden and Jamieson both fanned miserably. Hereford didn’t, despite falling to two strikes, and instead belted a mighty homer to center for an entirely unearned 3-run bomb. The following frame we had Vanatti on with a single, Leal thanks to getting nailed, but after Gurney bunted them over Gonzalez handled Ramos’ grounder to end the inning. While Gurney allowed the odd single but was otherwise cruising against the Aces’ legendarily bad offense, the Coons got a leadoff jack by Howden in the fifth, then a leadoff triple from Stalker in the sixth. The Aces walked Vanatti with intent to get to *Leal*, which was something new. Leal promptly popped out to drop to .193 on the season, but Gurney hit a fly to left that was good enough to get Stalker home on a sac fly, 5-0. Ramos reached on a 2-out infield single, the runners pulled off a double swipe against another ex-Coon and turned-reliever Kyle Anderson, who then ended up walking Howden in a full count. Jamieson’s 2-run single to left could probably considered the death knell in the game, moving the score to 7-0, before Hereford grounded out to Todd Baer. The Aces’ shortstop would hit a single in the eighth on Gurney’s 98th pitch, which got the bullpen to start stretching, but Dunlap hit into a 4-6-3, so we would see Gurney hit for himself in the bottom 8th, then go back to the mound. Jon Gonzalez flew out to Hereford. Riley Balcome struck out swinging. In-chul Yi doubled to left-center, which got the pen tossing in earnest after 109 pitches for Gurney, who had another two chances, we decided, to complete the game before we’d sent a scrub to get that last out. Jason needed only one more pitch – Borchardt flew out to Jamieson on that. 7-0 Coons! Ramos 2-5; Jamieson 2-4, 2 RBI; Vanatti 2-3, BB; Gurney 9.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K, W (4-3);

This was the first career shutout and complete game for Jason Gurney in his 16th attempt at starting a major league game. He is 6-6 with a 3.82 ERA for his career now, and given how nobody talked about him prior to him exploiting an injury hole last year, we have to be very pleased.

Raccoons (33-44) @ Titans (47-30) – July 3-6, 2031

The Titans were aspiring to catch the Loggers and were only one game behind at this point, so the Coons coming in for four was right up their alley. They were up 5-2 in the season series already and I didn’t really see where that should get any better for us any time soon. They were first in the league in runs scored, and fourth in runs allowed, with a healthy +86 run differential.

Projected matchups:
Dave Martinez (3-5, 5.33 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (3-3, 2.53 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (4-6, 5.53 ERA) vs. Eric Williams (8-3, 3.76 ERA)
Trevor Draper (0-1, 4.15 ERA) vs. Greg Gannon (9-4, 3.09 ERA)
Ed Hague (5-5, 4.55 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (8-4, 3.23 ERA)

Two left, two right, drop four? I remember a time where we didn’t look short in every single matchup of a series, and it was not all that long ago…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 3B Hereford – RF Wallace – C Tovias – CF Catella – 1B Baldwin – P Martinez
BOS: RF Acor – LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – C Lessman – 2B R. West – CF Reichardt – 1B Ferrer – 3B Perkins – P M. Gonzalez

Stalker and Jamieson knocked back-to-back doubles to left in the first inning for a Coons lead that lasted all of one third of an inning before Willie Vega scored from first on Keith Spataro’s double. Spataro moved to third on the throw home, then came in on a Rhett West sac fly that put Boston on top, 2-1, after Martinez had leaked four balls to David Lessman. Aaaand here we go… Manny Ferrer and Justin Perkins led off the second inning with hits, with Acor hitting another sac fly to get Ferrer across, while Vega was retired on a strong defensive play by Catella to keep it 3-1 through two. The Coons got Ramos, Jamieson, and Hereford on base in the top 3rd, but Wallace grounded out to West to keep them all stranded, and the same happened with the Titans and Justin Perkins in the bottom of the inning. Lessman, West, and Ferrer had all reached during another turd-like performance by Dave Martinez, who was obviously forsaken by Odilon and now living up to his grim scouting report. Perkins hit a 1-2 to center for Catella to contain again.

Jamieson singled home Ramos with two outs in the fifth inning, cutting the gap to 3-2, but the Coons could have gotten more out of the inning if Tim Stalker, who had singled Ramos to third base, hadn’t been picked off first base in stupid fashion. The Titans made up the run right away with a Lessman homer. Six innings of woeful 7-hit, 4-run ball was all the Critters would get out of Martinez, but the Raccoons were actually outhitting the Titans 8-7 through six and added two more singles to begin the seventh inning. Baldwin and Nunley went to the corners against Mario Gonzalez and the top of the order would have the tying runs on with nobody out. Nothing great happened; nothing great ever happened. Ramos flew out to shallow right, keeping Baldwin pinned. The super utility came home on Stalker’s sac fly, but that was all in the inning. Nunley never got off first base and the Coons never got back even. They in fact didn’t get back on base until Vanatti dropped a pinch-hit single in the top 9th with one out already recorded by Jermaine Campbell. Jarod Howden batted for the pitcher and flew out, and Ramos hit a fly to shallow center that was easy prey for the inevitable Adrian Reichardt. 4-3 Titans. Ramos 2-5; Stalker 2-3, 2B, RBI; Jamieson 3-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Vanatti (PH) 1-1; Nunley (PH) 1-1;

Roster move after the game; Bryan Rabbitt had tossed four outs in this game, then was sent back to AAA to balance our roster again (we had still played with the short bench). We brought up a non-left-handed batter, but for a change not Wilson Rodriguez. We couldn’t if we wanted, since Rodriguez was on the minor league DL with a sprained ankle.

So welcome back Juan Magallanes, and no, we didn’t really have any sparkling position player prospects ready to promote… Magallanes was batting .282/.412/.330 in St. Pete, so there WAS that on-base knack he had, and he had put up a .375 OBP in over 300 PA for the ’29 Coons, but the overall package was STILL blech. And well, last year he had posted a .215/.296/.248 clip, which was not worth the discussion.

Game 2
POR: CF Magallanes – SS Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Hereford – 1B Howden – 3B Nunley – 2B Baldwin – C Leal – P Gutierrez
BOS: LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – RF Acor – C Lessman – 2B R. West – CF Reichardt – 1B Ferrer – 3B Perkins – P E. Williams

The Raccoons scored first despite batting Magallanes leadoff, despite Baldwin stupidly hitting into a double play in the second inning, and despite Gutierrez bunting badly to force out Armando Leal in the third. Magallanes went on to drop a single, Rico aggressively took third base on Stalker’s fly out, and then Jamieson clipped a ball into rightfield to get his pitcher across with two outs in the inning. Hereford grounded out to Perkins, leading to Gutierrez being swiftly blown up in the bottom 3rd. Perkins reached base with a single, and Willie Vega raked a triple to center to tie the game, then scored easily on Keith Spataro’s grounder to Baldwin.

And I would give Rico Gutierrez credit for one thing. He was pitching like raw sewage would taste if it came out of your kitchen tab, but at least he had grit and kept clawing at anybody that vaguely looked like he might boot him from the major leagues. In the fifth inning, he raked a double to left off Eric Williams, making himself the tying run in scoring position. Magallanes singled to right to put runners on the corners, and Tim Stalker stopped the double play barrage for one second and hit a sac fly to Reichardt to get the teams even. Jamieson hit a single, Hereford struck out. By the way, all that stuff about grit was absolute garbage, a vain attempt to plaster cosmetics over the $2.1M paycheck that was burning a hole into our budget. Bottom 5th, Manny Ferrer opened with a double to left, and Justin Perkins hit it out of the park entirely, a booming homer to left that gave Boston a 4-2 lead. Ferrer drove in Lessman with two outs in the following inning. David Lessman had also ripped a leadoff double, and that was then all for Gutierrez, five runs in six innings, the misery continued. The Coons got Vanatti and Stalker into scoring position in the top 7th, but with two outs Jamieson made the regrettable mistake of hitting a ball to centerfield, and Adrian Reichardt loved nothing more than spoiling the Critters. The Titans remained up 5-2, and the bottom 7th saw Spataro hit a triple off David Fernandez, but the shortstop also hurt himself and the Titans had to seek replacement by Dan Knudson, but that also wouldn’t serve to derail them in the last few innings. The Critters wouldn’t reach base in the eighth against Williams, and in the ninth facing Campbell two were already down when Jimmy Wallace dropped a pinch-hit single. Stalker struck out, and another loss was in the books. 5-2 Titans. Magallanes 2-4; Wallace (PH) 1-1; Jamieson 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Sigh. At least Jimmy Wallace stopped the 1-for-21 spell he was stuck in for the last week or so. Maybe. Maybe he will also extend it to 2-for-3,689…

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Howden – LF Jamieson – RF Wallace – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – 2B Stalker – CF Vanatti – P Draper
BOS: LF W. Vega – SS Knudson – CF Acor – RF Braun – 2B R. West – 1B Ferrer – C Murry – 3B Perkins – P Gannon

The box score was empty through three innings with not a whole lot having gone on. The Coons had Nunley on second base with two outs and Vanatti up, prompting the intentional walk call from the Boston dugout that almost backfired. Draper hit a liner to left, and would have had extra bases, if Justin Perkins had not leapt like a … what the … jaguar? Do jaguars leap tall and high? It was the most impressive jump anybody had seen in a while, and it ended the inning, with the home crowd celebrating the defensive heroics. They had to wait another inning for offensive heroics, however, although the Titans’ 2-spot in the bottom 5th, the first runs in the game, where more an example of everything-going-bat****-bonkers-in-a-single-inning for the Raccoons than anything else. Well, Draper had only himself to blame, nicking Vince Murry with a 1-2 pitch to begin the inning. Perkins then hit the ****tiest bloop that fell for a single between Ramos and Jamieson, and Gannon bunted the runners over competently. Vega hit a sac fly to center, with Murry almost thrown out at home, but not bloody quite, and then Draper melted down, walked Knudson, allowed an RBI single to Acor, and the pen was ready to get involved when returnee Adam Braun, who had already been on the DL twice this year, grounded out on his 102nd and final pitch.

Top 6th, more stupid **** nobody needed. First, Nunley reached on a Ferrer error, two sounds that were made for each other. Elias Tovias Matias Diaz came up with a double to left-center, and also lame at second base. He required replacement by Armando Leal just when we had been ready to make him Dallas’ problem again. But the tying runs were in scoring position! And nobody out! And Stalker popped out… oh boy. Vanatti got four wide ones, because apparently the Titans had lost track of Draper’s exploded pitch count. Hereford batted for him, struck out, but Ramos walked to force in a run. Jarod Howden then dropped a single into centerfield, and two runs scored, allowing the Coons to take a 3-2 lead. Jamieson flew out to right to end the inning. The lead did not survive contact with Nick Derks at all; West, Murry, and Perkins all ripped doubles off the right-hander to allow the Titans to take the lead right back, 4-3, in the bottom 6th.

The Critters were not laying down yet. Stalker and Ramos reached base in the eighth to knock out Gannon with two outs, and that brought up Howden again in a crucial spot. Not that I fancied Howden in a crucial spot, and it had already worked once in this ga- yada-yada, of course it didn’t work a second time. Howden, facing Tim Zimmerman, struck out, the dumb pig. Come the ninth, Mike Baker and his 2.70 ERA despite a 1.12 K/BB would face the meat of the order and no cushion. He ran a 3-0 count against Jamieson, who inexplicably poked and grounded out. I think I had a stroke at that point. Wallace sent a drive to deep, deep center that Reichardt caught on the track like it was nothing. Nunley grounded out harmlessly. 4-3 Titans. Stalker 2-4;

As if all the losing was not bad enough, the mystery injury befalling Elias Tovias required a roster move. As he was unable to play we had to add a catcher. Magallanes was returned to AAA, John Hennessy (remember him?) was moved to the 60-day DL, and we promoted, begrudgingly, Daniel Rocha to the majors. He was even technically a right-handed bat. Rocha, 27, and honestly a pretty good defensive catcher, had last played with Portland in 2029. He had a total of 137 at-bats across three seasons, hitting a meager .190 with no homers and 12 RBI. The alternative would have been another visit from Shane Ivey, and I didn’t feel like that, either. Elliott Thompson, our legit backstop prospect and 21 years old, was still not exactly dominating the double-A level and had no business in the majors.

Game 4
POR: SS Ramos – 1B Howden – LF Jamieson – 2B Hereford – RF Wallace – 3B Nunley – CF Vanatti – C Leal – P Hague
BOS: 1B Acor – LF W. Vega – SS Knudson – C Lessman – 2B R. West – CF Reichardt – RF Braun – 3B Perkins – P Potter

The forecast called for a day of rain, but the game got underway anyway. The next injury victim turned out to be Reichardt, limping into second after a double off the leftfield fence in the bottom 2nd. Corey Curro replaced him, moved to third on Braun’s groundout, and the Coons then elected the coward’s approach and walked Perkins, a .291 batter, intentionally to get to Potter, who shrugged and hit a single to right to get Boston on the board. Hague in turn bunted badly in the third inning and got Leal forced out at second base. With the game going to a rain delay after that, the Raccoons banished Hague from the dugout. He had stay as close to first base as the tarp allowed for, in the rain, for 45 minutes until play resumed, then had to move his dripping wet body to third base on a Ramos double to right. Howden, the dumb pig, struck out, and Jamieson’s pop was caught by Knudson, stranding two in scoring position…

The Coons couldn’t find offense by any stretch of the imagination. Through six, the score remained 1-0 with four hits for either team. Hague was perfectly decent. And they were great on defense, with Nunley making a nifty play and Wallace making two great ones, but it STILL wasn’t enough… C’MON BOYS! At least ONE game in Boston. Win at least ONE game in Boston for Daddy …! Those pleas dissipated unheard of by the personnel on the field, partly because it was separated by monstrously thick glass from the air-conditioned suite the Titans made opposing dignitaries watch the game from, and partly because any sort of good fortune in addition to a solid skill set was completely absent for them. They got Catella and Ramos on in the eighth, but Howden hit into a fielder’s choice, and while that still left runners on the corners for Jamieson, a shallow 2-out grounder to Knudson took care of it, too. Top 9th, still trailing by that lone measly run, the Coons faced Campbell again, whom they had worn out via quantity rather than quality earlier in the series, spawning the Baker appearance on Saturday. Full count to Hereford – and he walked him. Full count to Wallace – and he walked him. Oh goody, “offense”! (excitedly claps hands) Nunley ran another full count, then poked, a grounder to Rhett West, and that was turned for two … (slams his head repeatedly against the thick glass) That left Vanatti, who took a strike, then poked and popped up behind home plate, Lessman to the netting, and the ball decided to not make the other two feet of ground to disappear behind the net, but rather dropped into the mitten to end the game. 1-0 Titans. Ramos 2-4, 2B; Catella (PH) 1-1; Hague 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, L (5-6);

In other news

July 2 – LAP SP Jorge Belran (7-4, 3.11 ERA) was out for the rest of the season after suffering a tear in his posterior cruciate ligament.
July 2 – The Knights trade for Richmond’s SP Gabriel Lara (5-5, 4.13 ERA), parting with 3B Jake Barlow (.244, 8 HR, 43 RBI) and a dire prospect.
July 4 – The Crusaders get reinforcement from the Wolves with SP Steve Younts (6-5, 3.23 ERA). The Wolves receive two prospects including #73 SP Adam Swint.
July 5 – TIJ INF Jesus Solis (.174, 1 HR, 5 RBI) drives in five runs from the #8 spot in a 12-1 rout of the Aces.
July 5 – OCT RF/LF Luis Sagredo (.294, 7 HR, 31 RBI) will miss time until the middle of August with an oblique strain.
July 6 – The Knights beat the Bayhawks, 1-0, on an eight-inning home run by C Eric Martins (.188, 3 HR, 11 RBI), one of only two hits for Atlanta in the game.

Complaints and stuff

Jimmy Wallace keeps racking up Rookie of the Month nods, winning June’s with a .295 clip, 2 HR, and 15 RBI. It’s literally everything we’re winning right now…

In weird **** that actually happened, the Loggers tried to trade for Matt Nunley this week. Just NO.

Down in St. Pete, Bernie Chavez joined Ignacio del Rio on the DL with back soreness. Only Sabre still standing…

Speaking of injuries, Alberto Ramos has yet to miss a game this year. The Druid told me that the nutritional changes he recommended to Berto made all the differences. My curious “how that” look forwarded the explanation that Ramos always had stuffed himself with dark chocolate, but the Druid had recommended milk chocolate to him, because that made for better bones. I guess this one was in the “whatever the **** works” category…

Joe Vanatti requested a trade. I shopped him. 23 teams requested to he shopped another player. I told Vanatti the facts, but somehow he is even more mad than before. Fine! Be unhappy! You think I like the way you 25 little idiots are playing?? – What is it, Maud? – What, Matt Nunley is in your room and the door was open? – Does he have cake? – Well then there’s not to worry. If he has cake, he turns deaf.

We have already spent almost $500k on international free agents since the window opened, with by far the biggest investment being SP Willie Gallardo, a 16-year-old Venezuelan right-hander with promise in the departments of sinker, slider, forkball, and groundball efficiency. He is from Altagracia de Orituco, which you have to admit sounds more melodic and less desolate than, oh, say Burns, Oregon. Since we have already reached 106% of the soft cap, we will not pursue any more players except for one on the meal money spectrum of the scale. We ended up mostly signing pitchers, but that was due to the interesting position players not signing with us right away.

Spending more than 110% of the soft cap would prevent us from signing anybody for more than roughly $80k next season.

Next week, Loggers, who now want a bite out of our furry tush as well, and then the Indians. Then I will have three days off to lie down and breath heavily as we’ll be at the All Star break by then…

Fun Fact: Jason Gurney was taken 274th overall in the 2026 draft.

He was in fact the 2026 Nick Brown Memorial Pick, the annual 11th round selection made specifically to select a left-handed pitcher of whatever potential acumen just for the sake of it. Here’s the scouting report from back when we drafted him:

Round 11 (#274) – MR Jason Gurney, 21, from Yale, OK – this year's obligatory left-hander in the 11th round can pitch all day, and maybe he will find the zone at some point even; 90mph fastball, and he has a slider, too

Given that he’s still scouted a 9/11/9 pitcher by our judgmental ratings guy, who’s name I totally know and never actually forgot, and marginally better by OSA, it is always more advisable to err on the side of less exuberant hysteria for the next actual Nick Brown having been found, especially since he’s 26 already, but I will take solid late-round pitching any day of the week…