[Westheim]

Raccoons (62-75) vs. Indians (70-66) – September 3-5, 2030

Indy was three games out in the North and really hoped to continue their stomping of the harmless Raccoons. They had a 9-3 edge in the season series already, and I was not quite sure how that run would turn around… They ranked eighth in runs scored, fifth in runs allowed, looked nothing like a playoff team, but that was the CL north of ’30…

Projected matchups:
Mark Roberts (11-8, 4.00 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (16-7, 3.53 ERA)
Dave Martinez (12-10, 3.98 ERA) vs. David Saccoccio (10-12, 3.59 ERA)
Jason Gurney (0-1, 3.00 ERA) vs. John McInerney (8-14, 4.17 ERA)

McInerney would be a southpaw, but like us they had Monday off and could make arrangements. The Coons had made two of those, moving Martinez ahead of Gurney and they would do the same switch move with Shumway and Gutierrez for the weekend series. Not that Shumway was a delight to see pitch anymore, but Rico Gutierrez was just … not safe for work, nor did he belong into daytime programming…

Game 1
IND: 2B Schneller – 1B Jon Gonzalez – RF Suhay – LF Plunkett – C J. Herrera – SS T. Johnson – CF Baron – 3B Dichio – P Bressner
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – 1B Harenberg – RF Wallace – LF Jamieson – CF Magallanes – C Ivey – P Roberts

After a leadoff single by Dan Schneller on a 3-1 pitch Mark Roberts reared back and struck out the next SIX batters before Dominique Dichio poked a ball into play to begin the third inning. He grounded out, as did Bressner, and Schneller struck out, giving Roberts 7 K through three innings and a pitch count already north of 50. Through five, he issued 80 pitches and ten strikeouts, ringing up Juan Herrera, Todd Johnson, and John Baron the second time through the order, too. In a perfect world, the Raccoons would have supplemented his stuff display with a bit of hitting, but this was Portland in 2030, and the perfect world was far away. In fact, both pitchers had a 2-hit shutout through five innings. The only difference was Bressner had a more manageable pitch count on only 3 K.

Bressner flew out to center to begin the sixth, after which Roberts signaled for the trainer, and after a brief conversation with the Druid left the game. The home crowd was stunned, but it was hard to shock *me* these days… Rabbitt replaced him, put Jon Gonzalez and Ben Suhay on the corners in the inning, but got out when Mike Plunkett popped out. Bottom 7th, Bressner was still in, but issued his first walk to Harenberg at the top of the inning, and then Jimmy Wallace banged a ball off the fence in right for a double. This set up the first Coon on third base, and an actual goddamn scoring opportunity for Matt Jamieson with runners on second and third and nobody out… except that it didn’t because the Indians gave him the four-fingered salute. Magallanes was allowed to bat in the vain hope that he’d coax a walk – his only vague ability – but he poked at the first pitch, grounded to Schneller, and the still-current Rookie of the Year fired home to kill off Harenberg. There was no way Shane Ivey would bat for himself; Sean Catella came out, hit a sac fly, and Rafael Gomez batted for the pitcher Billy Ramm, but struck out. Way to go! Chris Wise allowed a 2-out single to Schneller in the eighth, but rung up Gonzalez afterwards, and Ricky Ohl came around for the ninth, struck out a pair, then walked Herrera. The Indians sent Alex Aleman to run for him, and Joseph McClenon to pinch-hit, but the latter never got a chance to do any damage. Aleman went on the first pitch, the Coons had sniffed something like that being a possibility, and Elias Tovias was up like a shot and hammered out the runner at second base to end the game. 1-0 Raccoons. Wallace 2-3, 2B; Roberts 5.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 10 K;

Mark Roberts was diagnosed with a sore thumb and would be out not nearly long enough to miss a start. We penciled him in for Sunday in Boston.

Raccoons have thumbs? (looks at his paws and turns them around a few times)

Game 2
IND: 2B Schneller – 1B Jon Gonzalez – RF Suhay – C J. Herrera – SS A. Medina – CF Baron – LF Zanches – 3B E. Sosa – P Saccoccio
POR: SS Ramos – CF Catella – 3B Nunley – 1B Harenberg – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – RF Rodriguez – C Pizzo – P Martinez

Three scoreless innings to begin this game kept the run total for both teams combined for the series at one until Andres Medina hit a single off Martinez in the fourth, stole second, and came around on a John Baron single to make it 1-0 Arrowheads. Martinez seriously lacked stuff and even Odilon’s Mighty Hand – according to this booklet Dave gave me a while back the hand is an entity itself and needs capitalizing – could not prevent a pitcher with this little bite from going by completely unscathed, even against the low-scoring Indians. Kevin Harenberg hit an equalizer to center in the bottom of the fourth, then came back up with the bases loaded and two outs in the bottom 5th. That inning started like the third; Pizzo reached base, somehow, and then Martinez bunted. He had bunted badly in the third, getting Pizzo forced out, but got him to second in the fifth – it didn’t matter. Either time Ramos ended up on first stuck behind a snail “runner” and could not add to his 60 SB tally. He singled in the third, but was walked intentionally in the fifth. Catella was an out both times. Nunley struck out earlier, but now also walked, bringing up Harenberg, who fell to 1-2 before getting a pretty thick fastball that he belted to deep right-center … and outta here! GRAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!

Martinez lumbered on into the seventh with the 5-1 lead, but the Indians finally inched in on him. Elias Sosa singled, Dan Schneller walked, and with two outs Jon Gonzalez got a soft line over Ramos’ glove for an RBI single. That one brought up Suhay, the annoying homer-or-die batter, who was batting .212 with 22 dingers and 112 strikeouts. Maybe we should get up somebody with stuff! Kevin Surginer was washed forth from the pen, gave a 2-run single on the first pitch, and only struck out Herrera, then in a 5-4 game… Bottom 7th, Baldwin led off with a pinch-hit double against Juan Melendrez, who would go on to walk the bags full, intentionally where Ramos was concerned, and cautiously when it came to Harenberg, who was responsible for all of the Coons’ runs in this game. That brought up Wallace’s spot with two outs and three aboard, but the Coons made a move. Melendrez was a lefty, and Wallace was already 0-for-3 in the game. Matt Jamieson batted for him, ran a full count, and walked in a run. Tim Stalker singled in two before Antonio Quintana restored order for Indy and got Wilson Rodriguez to ground out. That was the final at-bat with a man in scoring position of the game. The Coons did nothing in the bottom 8th, and Brotman and Derks pitched neat relief to finish out the game for Portland. 8-4 Coons. Harenberg 2-3, BB, 2 HR, 5 RBI; Baldwin (PH) 2-2, 2B;

Back-to-back wins? Is this real life?

I don’t know whether the appearance of Nick Valdes in a purple suit and yellow hat with feathers will convince me of one thing or the other. He was obviously trying to get people to ask what he was up to, but nobody did.

Game 3
IND: 2B Schneller – 1B Jon Gonzalez – RF Suhay – LF Plunkett – C J. Herrera – SS T. Johnson – CF Baron – 3B Rolph – P McInerney
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – RF Gomez – CF Baldwin – 3B Gerster – C Tovias – P Gurney

The Indians took a 1-0 lead on a Juan Herrera sac fly after Gurney shoveled the bags full in the first inning of his second career start, but didn’t move on to finish him right away when Todd Johnson flew out to Baldwin in center. Rafael Gomez’ leadoff jack (probably the last one, this time, really) tied the game in the second, but the Indians came right back in the third. Jon Gonzalez drew a 4-pitch walk to begin the inning, which was sub-par even for Raccoons starters’ standards, but the thing got complicated when Ben Suhay’s grounder was forked by Butch Gerster and the Indians had two on with nobody out. Herrera would come through with a 1-out gapper, a 2-run double that put them ahead 3-1, but the Raccoons came scratching back again, and in style – their first four batters in the bottom 3rd hit for the cycle off McInerney, who allowed a double to Ramos, a triple to Stalker, a single to Jamieson, and then a 2-run blast to Harenberg, which put Portland up 5-3.

The Coons dragged Gurney through five, with a runner stranded in both the fourth and fifth innings for Indy. The bottom 5th began with a slow roller off Jamieson’s bat that Herrera threw past Gonzalez for a 2-base error. At this point the Indians probably snapped because nothing they did afterwards made any sense. After Harenberg grounded out and moved Jamieson to third, they walked Gomez (!) intentionally. Baldwin grounded slowly to second base, taking away a double play, or a play at home from Dan Schneller. Jamieson scored, and Gomez went to second with two outs… and then Butch Gerster (!!) was walked intentionally! Tovias puffed the dust off his .190 average and singled up the middle against freshly-brought-in Quintana, Rafael Gomez scored from second, and at least THAT run had been completely unnecessary (and they were both unearned). Gurney struck out, but completed six innings before being removed after just over 100 pitches, not all of them great. Or good. He was *serviceable* which Rico Gutierrez f.e. very much wasn’t. The Raccoons went on to score another bushel of stupid runs in the bottom 6th against Quintana and David Warn; two were out and none were on when Jamieson reached on a Brad Rolph error, Gonzalez reached on a Schneller error, and then Gomez’ single and Baldwin’s double plated three total, getting the Critters into double digits. Two more runs fell out of Warn in the seventh, driven in by Stalker and Jamieson, and the Coons felt comfortable enough to have Nick Bates and his 18.90 ERA collect two innings’ worth of outs from the battered Arrowheads. 12-3 Furballs! Jamieson 3-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Gomez 3-4, BB, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Baldwin 2-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Tovias 2-4, BB, RBI; Catella 1-1; Bates 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

First career win for Gurney, and Bates shaved seven runs off that ugly ERA of his…

Nick Valdes also enjoyed himself, but nobody asked him about the outfit all through Thursday and then we were so sorry but we had to board a flight to Boston…

Raccoons (65-75) @ Titans (68-72) – September 6-8, 2030

The Indians swept, the damn Elks stumbling, the Titans still had a chance, somehow. Despite being four games under .500 in September, they were only 5.5 games out in the division and all they needed was for the Raccoons to remember that they were supposed to suck. This was the final series of the year with Boston; they held an 8-7 edge. Across all the CL, they ranked sixth in offense and ninth in counteroffense, with an unpretty -30 run differential.

Projected matchups:
Tom Shumway (6-13, 4.06 ERA) vs. Dave Dyer (4-12, 6.56 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (6-11, 5.48 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (0-0)
Mark Roberts (11-8, 3.88 ERA) vs. Greg Gannon (13-10, 3.88 ERA)

Chavez would be making his major league debut on Saturday. The 24-year-old southpaw had been signed for a $398k bonus in the 2022 IFA period and had since then ripened in the Titans’ system. He was the current #16 prospect and had ranked as high as #10 in the past, and had dwelled in the top 20 all the way since 2026. Three pitches; 94mph heater, changeup, splitter. Coons would probably not touch him, but that’s just the pessimism… and experience. He was sandwiched by two veteran righties.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – CF Catella – 3B Nunley – 1B Harenberg – LF Wallace – RF Gomez – 2B Baldwin – C Pizzo – P Shumway
BOS: LF M. Avila – C Henley – 1B Uliasz – SS Spataro – 2B R. West – CF Reichardt – RF O’Rourke – 3B O. Castillo – P Dyer

Nunley hit a first-inning double, but immediately left the game with a barking hammy. Gerster replaced him and was stranded by Harenberg, who grounded out to Rhett West to end the inning. As usual, Tom Shumway fell over in the bottom of the first inning and then couldn’t get up anymore. “Hopalong” Henley hit a single, scored on Keith Spataro’s triple, and Rhett West singled to right to make it 2-0. Adrian Reichardt also singled, because he always singled against the Coons, unless he doubled, tripled, or homered, and only a running grab by Sean Catella on Dave O’Rourke’s fly ended the inning. Tom Scumbag went on to walk Dyer in the second, which somehow didn’t bring the house down, but then allowed another run on a reversal of fortunes in the third, when Henley tripled and Spataro singled him home, 3-0. He had sunk so low, that when the fourth began with an O’Rourke single and Oscar Castillo coaxed a walk, the Titans forewent the bunt with their pitcher…! Dyer flew out to center. Shumway allowed an RBI single to Moises Avila, a bases-loading single to Henley, and then was yanked after 3.1 innings and between four and seven runs, depending on how Surginer would fare against the middle of the order. The final tally was six, thanks to a 4-pitch walk issued by Surginer to Justin Uliasz, then a run-scoring groundout by Spataro. West grounded out, keeping it at 6-0. Dyer gave the Raccoons actual fits, scattered the odd single, but not once after the Nunley double seemed in trouble, clear through the seventh.

The eighth began with a Pizzo single, which was innocent enough. It was the Coons’ fifth hit in the game against five strikeouts as far as Dyer was concerned. Tim Stalker batted for Jonathan Fleischer in the #9 hole and hit a ball over O’Rourke for a double. That should at least get the Titans’ attention after they had cruised through the middle innings. And despite runners on second and third, the dismal Coons wouldn’t score. Ramos hit a comebacker, Catella grounded out to first, and Gerster flew out to right. The runners never budged. Dyer was gone after this inning, but Boston tacked on a run with Brett Judkins’ pinch-hit homer against Garavito in the bottom 8th. Jeremy Waite finished out the game for the Titans. 7-0 Titans. Nunley 1-1, 2B; Tovias (PH) 1-1; Stalker (PH) 1-1, 2B;

Matt Nunley’s injury was not serious, but would hamper him enough that we’d leave him be for the next two or three days. Well, Monday was an off day one way or another.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – CF Catella – 2B Stalker – 1B Harenberg – LF Jamieson – 3B Baldwin – RF Rodriguez – C Ivey – P Gutierrez
BOS: LF M. Avila – C Henley – 1B Uliasz – SS Spataro – 2B R. West – CF Reichardt – RF O’Rourke – 3B O. Castillo – P T. Chavez

The debutee retired the Coons in order and on nine pitches in the first inning, so maybe there was a future All Star seen at work, or maybe the Raccoons were just full o’ ****. Rico Gutierrez surely was, allowing a single to Moises Avila on the first pitch he threw. Avila stole second and came around on two groundouts, putting the Coons into an early hole, in which they made it cozy for themselves in style. Jamieson hit a 1-out single in the top 2nd, then got doubled off when Baldwin lined out to Spataro with Jamieson running on Chavez starting his motion. He was out by about 75 feet. Tim Stalker chipped in by dropping Rhett West’s pop to begin the bottom 2nd with an error, but Reichardt hit into a double play to clean up the mistake. Mindbogglingly Rhett West would then drop a Shane Ivey pop for an error in the following half-inning. Gutierrez then bunted into a force at second. Are you happy, my children? The circus is in town, and it’s full of clowns!

Jamieson doubled home Harenberg with two outs in the fourth, giving the Coons their first score in 11 innings in Boston, and it also tied the game momentarily, but ties tended to be temporary with Gutierrez around. Rico stranded two in the third, one in the fourth, and two more in the fifth as he constantly wobbled, but didn’t quite fall yet. The score remained 1-1 through six, with Chavez remaining utterly stingy, but then he issued a 1-out walk to Chris Baldwin in the seventh, his first in the majors, that soon looked like it would be his death. Wilson Rodriguez grounded to third base, Castillo threw it well away, and the Coons had runners in scoring position with one out. Shane Ivey collapsed between the on-deck circle and the batter’s box after being hit in the neck with a tranquilizer dart – don’t you DARE stepping in there!! Rafael Gomez pinch-hit while the batboys dragged Ivey by the ankles into the dugout. Gomez also unhelpfully struck out. On the other hand, this was a win move because we could get Rico out there after a *halfway decent* outing, and before he could get blown out for the 75th game in a row. We need offense, y’know, Rico? No offense occurred – Jimmy Wallace struck out. In turn, Chris Wise allowed a single to Chavez (…) with two outs (…!) in the bottom 7th, threw a wild pitch (…!!!), and then allowed the go-ahead run to score on Justin Quinn’s pinch-hit double. Chavez lasted eight, then handed the 2-1 lead to Jonathan Snyder, who faced the 4-5-6 batters. Harenberg hit a leadoff double! …and then Jamieson grounded out to Castillo, Baldwin whiffed, the tying run was still on second base, and Elias Tovias hit for Rodriguez… fell to 0-2, poked a ball in front of home plate, and somehow replacement catcher Lance Skinner failed to make the play and Tovias hit an infield single. Runners on the corners for Pizzo – first pitch, pop to shallow left, game over. 2-1 Titans. Harenberg 2-4, 2B; Jamieson 2-4, 2B, RBI; Tovias (PH) 1-1; Gutierrez 6.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K;

Even with this performance, Rico’s ERA in his last eight starts is still over EIGHT.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – CF Catella – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – C Pizzo – 3B Gerster – P Roberts
BOS: LF M. Avila – RF O’Rourke – 1B Uliasz – SS Spataro – 2B R. West – CF Reichardt – C Skinner – 3B O. Castillo – P Gannon

Boston filled the bags without the benefit of a base hit in the bottom 2nd as Roberts walked West, nailed Reichardt, and walked Skinner, too. Oh yeah, and with no outs. He struck out Castillo, but Gannon jabbed an RBI single to right, the first run in the game. Roberts had Avila at 0-2 before nailing him, pushing across the second run for the Titans, O’Rourke hit a comebacker that got Skinner killed at home plate, but then Roberts lost Uliasz with two strikes. The 2-out, 2-run single between Ramos and Gerster ran the tally to 4-0, and the inning only ended on Jamieson’s arm, with O’Rourke thrown out at home plate on Keith Spataro’s single to left. What a team…!

Despite the onslaught, Roberts dragged himself into the fifth inning, where he was knocked out with an Uliasz homer and a 1-out double hit by West. At that point, the Coons had no runs on four hits, which should not really surprise anybody at this point. Fleischer finished the fifth to keep the Titans to no more than one run per inning on average. The Coons were no threat at all to the Titans; Jimmy Wallace drew a leadoff walk against Gannon in the seventh, but when Pizzo grounded to West for a potential double play and Wallace clobbered into Spataro, the Titans shortstop fell on top of him and both were a bit numb after the experience. Spataro stayed in the game, but Wallace required replacement by Rafael Gomez during the seventh-inning stretch. He had broken up the double play – but what did that faze the Critters? Butch Gerster tried again, grounder to second, 4-6-3. By the bottom 7th, we had clearly given up, as indicated by Nick Bates getting the ball. He walked Uliasz, Spataro reached on an infield single, West hit into a 6-4-3, but Bates plated the runner with a wild pitch, 6-0. Funnily (fake-laughs) he finished the inning, and still managed to lower his gigantic ERA. (fake-laughs) Another run would fall out of the other fake pitcher named Nick, Derks, in the eighth. The Coons made it onto the board in between in the top half of the eighth on Gannon allowing a leadoff single to Juan Magallanes, a walk to Ramos, and ultimately Jamieson’s sac fly. That turned out to be all; Gannon saw them off himself in the ninth and finished with a complete-game 5-hitter. 7-1 Titans. Ramos 1-2, 2 BB; Harenberg 2-4; Magallanes (PH) 1-1;

In other news

September 2 – The Falcons smash the Aces, 17-0. CHA LF/RF Graciano Salto (.284, 20 HR, 73 RBI) drives in six on three hits, all for extra bases, including a fifth-inning grand slam off LVA MR Steve Carr (0-1, 32.40 ERA). The 24-year-old right-hander Carr made his major league debut in this game.
September 7 – CIN SP Danny Soto (10-10, 3.83 ERA) and CIN CL Andy Hyden (2-5, 2.00 ERA, 18 SV) pitch a combined 1-hitter against the Blue Sox, who amount to no more than a seventh-inning single by OF Federico Nuno (.250, 12 HR, 57 RBI) in a 2-0 Cincy win.
September 8 – ATL SS Andrew Showalter (.379, 3 HR, 25 RBI) announces his retirement after a tough setback during his rehab for a broken leg. The 39-year-old shortstop would have been a free agent at the end of the year and was not expected to play again this season. Showalter, who won the batting title in 2029 with a .347 clip, ends his career with a .311/.359/.473 slash line, 284 HR, and 1,371 RBI, and 2,958 base hits in a 19-year career for five different teams. He was an All Star eight times and won six Platinum Sticks. Showalter also led the Federal League twice in hits during the 2010s when he was with the Blue Sox.

Complaints and stuff

I would prefer not to talk about the irony of us sweeping the Indians in an effort to help the damn Elks into their first playoffs since Nick Brown was an ace.

Andrew Showalter will walk again despite the ugly broken leg – too bad he didn’t get a chance at 3,000 hits. He ends up 18th on the all-time hits board for now. There have been 15 batters with 3,000+ hits, and two that missed the mark by a mere seven base knocks, including a former Critter – Ron Alston.

Does it surprise anybody that there is only one former Raccoon inside those 15 batters with 3,000+ hits? Bonus points if you can guess him. Hint: Ramos wears his number. Speaking of Ramos…

ABL SINGLE SEASON STOLEN BASE LEADERS
1st – Enrique Trevino – 2027 – 74
2nd – Guillermo Obando – 2027 – 67
3rd – Nando Maiello – 2020 – 66
4th – Alex Torres – 2022 – 62
t-4th – Alberto Ramos – 2030 – 62

Next week – last place shootout against New York, then the Bayhawks on the weekend. The Aces will conclude this final homestand before we go on the road to Milwaukee, Elktown, and Indy to finish the year.

You know, I feel much more free around the heart and stomach and soul now that the desperate attempts to compete are over and we can just revel in our terrible misery. It sure makes the game less stressful when you are playing for 90 losses rather than 90 wins. … But don’t tell Valdes, I don’t think he’ll appreciate the thought.

Fun Fact: Ray ****ing Gilbert was the final out in Nick Brown’s no-hitter on September 9, 2016.

He flew out to Ron Richards. Holding on to that ball was probably the greatest thing Ron Richards did as a Raccoon. Below is part of the box score (which was in my Steam content library; I can’t find the bottom part.)

Also, Brownie’s in the Hall of Fame, and Ray ****ing Gilbert is not, so we win.

Chad, stop wiggling the antlers on the stuffed toy elk, or I’ll stuff you!

+++

You know what’s a great musical supplement to the team as it currently is? The winning song of the 2019 Eurovision Song Contest. Duncan Laurence – Arcade. It reaches inside you and touches you, much like going to Boston and scoring only two damn runs does, AND contains plenty of applicable lines like “a broken heart is all that’s left”, “I’m still fixing all the cracks”, “I got addicted to a losing game”, “loving you is a losing game”. Findable on Youtube.