[pauwoo]

Montreal Alouettes (11-17, .393, 6th NL East) @ Miami United (13-15, .464, 4th NL East)
With the first full month of the season in the rearview, Montreal doesn’t have a lot to show for it. Their pitching has been middling, serviceable – they aren’t blowing the doors off teams and they aren’t getting destroyed – it’s a comfortable middle-class existence defensively. The offense, however, has been dreadful – dead last in every important category with Home Runs (t-5th in the NL) being the only outlier. So, it would seem that their 2080 charter is a nothing or gonzo approach at the plate paired with a middle-of-the-road pitching staff – hardly an award-winning Maple Baked Beans recipe. So, there’s not a lot here to give you pause, nothing that really requires a closer look – their roster and the results it has produced so far looks a lot like a golden opportunity, a fortuitous rap on the door. And, here we are, waiting for them to visit us on our turf, coming off a successful trip into hostile territory – we feel good, confident – hell, we’re excited about this set. Our belief is that we will get back on track at home, where we have been poor (especially against right-handed pitching) so far at 4-8. See – that’s the part that gives me pause – our inability to win at home in April has eroded trust amongst the hometown faithful, we’re not selling tickets at a major league clip, and that pressure, to give our fans a show, can fold a club up like a lawn chair regardless of the level of competition taking up residence in the visitors’ clubhouse.

29 of 162: Dylan Bauer (1-2, 4.19) @ Radoslav Borovsky (3-1, 2.67)
Loss, 8-5. We make bad offenses look good – shine on you crazy whiffers, you’ll be safe here in our bosom, just rest your head & close your eyes… A disastrous top of the 7th did Radoslav in and our offense, working against Montreal’s ho-hum staff, was unable to turn the tide in the bottom of the 9th where we’d score one of the 4 runs needed to tie this one up. Saucerman hit a 2-run homer, Anaconda hit a double and a homer – driving in 3 for the game – but, it was 1B Archie Imanov’s GRAND SLAM off Borovsky, who our skipper left high & dry on the mound in a fit of managerial malfeasance, in the top of the 7th that closed the book on this one. Tough day at the home office – we’re the traveling salesman who spends all his money on the road and can’t afford the hook required to hang his hat at the door in his place of residence.

Elsewhere: SP Michael Brisk (GSW) has made six appearances so far in 2080 and is 4-0 with a 2.70 ERA as a result – he’s left with a tie or better in every start, and, most recently (like last night), gave the Los Angeles Galaxy the business for 7 innings in their park – he was able to get them to hit 11 grounders that were gobbled up by his defense, only allowed 3 runs, and K’d 8 during the performance. In 2080, so far, Brisky has only allowed 2 homers – he’s throwing heavy, with a gnarly spin rate, and guys haven’t been able to put the bat on his pitches at the angle required to lift them into the stratosphere, up up and away, and out of the park. You know – Brisky only made the all-star team once in his career, he’s never really been in the Pacheco conversation – nah, he’s not that guy. His legend has been built in the margins, on the strength of his gnarly ‘stache, nasty knuckle-curve, and party boy personality. All hail the king of the good time boys… we will miss him when he’s gone.

30 of 162: Mikhail Poppen (1-1, 3.64) @ Rad Taylor (2-3, 2.94)
Win, 5-1. Rad’s stellar start to the 2080 campaign continues… we’d get a complete game from our ace complete with 9 Ks and only one run scored. Offensively, as per usual when Rad is on the mound, our regulars would stumble a bit with only Hamza and Anaconda able to get a runner across… but, our new backup utility man, Mario Marshburn, who we peeled off of Los Angeles for the rights to SS Donny Jeter, went 1 for 4 with a 3-run dinger that came in the bottom of the 8th and put this one out of Montreal’s reach.

31 of 162: Hudson Dorsch (2-3, 4.62) @ Kordell Littles (3-2, 3.45)
Loss, 5-1. SMH… good grief. I mean, I’m disgusted – I don’t even know what to say. We are completely inept in our ballpark, Kordell got styled on by our leagues worst offense, our own offense stumbled against its most average pitching staff, and our fans, if you can call them that, all left early – feeling like they’ve been bamboozled again, that our slick marketing campaign and free fish stick promotion tricked them into some false sense of confidence. This ain’t no baseball team – it’s a dumpster fire.

Notes: Losing a set at home is hardly the end of the world – but we’ve dropped back into 5th on the NL East table and are only a game ahead of the Alouettes as a result which forces my leadership team to look in the mirror and realize that we’ve not put together the type of club we thought we did. We have a day off now, before heading to Pittsburgh, a much-needed respite from the grind, and then will return to the unfriendly confines of Carnival Cruise Lines Park for 10-straight. I dread those ten games, they are the stuff of nightmares – the kind where you are getting chased by a mysterious man wielding a knife before free-falling off the side of an unseen cliff and ending up in a very cold room filled with everyone you know while wearing nothing but your birthday suit – just a mixed bag of terrors. Listen, we must make the playoffs again this season – if we don’t, Elvira will string me up next to the ‘Welcome to Miami’ sign before banishing me to a life of Bush League General Management. Purgatory for a baseball man, the witness protection program for the criminally inept. But, if there is, at least, one bright side to that possibility, it’s this: Gulfport is really nice this time of year.