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Old 09-14-2019, 11:48 AM   #318
pauwoo
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2076 Season (9/7 9/9)

Los Angeles Lakers (84-53, .613, 1st NL West) @ Vancouver Whitecaps (66-70, .485, 3rd NL West)
Had Hunter S. Thompson spent his time in the Pacific Northwest, had he been born in Forks instead of Louisville, then he would’ve undoubtedly sewn tales of sociopathic loggers, of Quillayute shape-shifters, and had he traveled north through Vancouver and into the Great Bear Rainforest he’d have left us with the line, “we can’t stop here, this is Sasquatch country”. Vancouver, a bustling seaport city and crown jewel of British Columbia, is built in the middle of Sasquatch habitat - it’s sprawl creating a forest fragmentation that many believe led to the divergent biology of Bigfoot - the Ts'emekwes, or the benign faced one - where the Canadian version is a much nicer, purported vegetarian, variant of the non-sapiens hominid. Everything in Canada is viewed as a less dangerous version of what exists to the south where those crazy Americans devour copious amounts of nachos, smoked salmon, and Oly beers... unfortunately, for fans of the Whitecaps, this extends to their team. They’re capable, no doubt, but nowhere near as dangerous as they need to be if they are to survive and thrive in this long slog of a baseball season. They have some talent, a few mid-level players that are more than capable of surprising you, and versatility - the problem for them, however, has been their ability to get this loose collection of misfit toys going in the same direction long enough to ruffle some feathers. Instead, what we’ve got with the Whitecaps, is a whole lot averageness - a disappointing output from a team who hasn’t lived up to their preseason mythology, where tales from people who say they’ve seen a great team in BC is only supported by grainy photos and easily refuted by any logical, non believing fan who is perfectly content to turn away from baseball and focus on fly fishing instead.

139 of 162: Nat Millard (14-5, 2.88) @ Bill Marvin (9-9, 2.81)
Loss, 3-2
. Turns out we shouldn’t have stopped here and that this is, indeed, Sasquatch country as the Whitecaps held true to the legend to secure the win in the bottom of the 7th when they scored another all too rare run. Bill Marvin went 6 with 0 earned, while Nat went as far into the game but let three get across. Our only bright spots were the three doubles we hit (Zody (a recent roster expansion call up – along with Oh Hong, Newton, Rajkumar, Nashy, and Mason Sandoval), Otto, and Marshburn do the honors), and a couple of double plays. Our problem, it seems, is that we aren’t really that good at baseball with our strength being that we are consistently inconsistent.

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Elsewhere… 38-year old 2B Homer Devine went 4 for 4, with a double, 2 homers, and 9 RBI for the Quincy Quackers in their 16-4 win over the Decatur Donnybrooks. He set a new single-game RBI record for the Quackers in this one… and wrestled the top spot away from LF U.S. Imhof (Coney Island Footlongs) on the Top Offensive Game Performances table with a game score of 138. Homer spent 15 years in the Toronto Reds organization before turning to the Bush League this season where he is hitting .240 with 21 homers and 53 RBI. Not too bad for a swan song. Also, RF PJ Trudell of the Minnesota Timberwolves put his 2000th hit on the board in a win over the Suns (thanks for that kind sir). The 4-time Boyce Rigg winner’s career is winding down – I expect to see him in the BL within a year or three – but for now, he’s still playing some solid baseball for Shawna’s club.

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140 of 162: Lee Myers (13-5, 3.77) @ Steve Unger (9-10, 4.49)
Loss, 6-3
. Well, I don’t think it can get much worse for us as we are seemingly content to just limp our way to the finish and to hand off the top spot in the NL West to the Phoenix Suns. We just don’t want it. Meyers gave up 6 earned, Otto hit his 24th double, Mullen hit a SAC FLY, and we turned 3 double plays – what we didn’t do is hit very well, play with any sense of urgency, and bring our teammates in when they were in scoring position (we left 4 stranded in this contest).

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Elsewhere… Your boy Adrian Bae took the loss for the Hagerstown Hummers today, lasting only 3.2 innings and giving up three runs – he also pegged a batsman and handed out free passes to four. Oh, and he was injured during the game… diagnosis is, of course, pending…

141 of 162: Newton Weiser (5-4, 4.22) @ Adam Gunter (11-9, 3.60)
Loss, 7-0
. Weiser gave up 6 in his return to the big club, and our offense did absolutely nothing (huh! say it again!) against Gunter who threw a complete game 7-hit shutout to secure the sweep for Vancouver. We struck out 9 times as a unit, including 3 for Kwaku and 2 for Otto, left 7 stranded, and our bullpen allowed two inherited runners to score. My phone is on silent… I mean Phil Murray can’t fire me if I don’t take the call, right?

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Elsewhere… 1B Steve Weed, of the Newport Beach Gypsies, went 4 for 5 with a HR, 2 RBI, and 3 runs in a 9-5 win over the Austin Grackles. The red-headed, 250th pick out of Clemson, doesn’t look like he has what it takes to escape the minors and earn a career in the bigs, but he has a fun name and a pretty swanky twisted ‘stache and will be added to my “Bush League Updates” shortlist just in case he finds himself plying his trade in the BL someday. I mean, my man looks like a dude that likes to get Cheeched, doesn’t he? I bet he burns patchouli in his apartment and listens to the Dead on off days too.

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So, our lead over Phoenix is now only 3 games. But, and this is pretty lame, it seems that SS Ray Gerhold – the current WAR leader in Major League Baseball, will miss 5-weeks (at least) due to a fractured wrist. Ugh. Listen, I’m no fan of the Suns, I’ve made that clear, but if we beat them (and it is still up in the air) in the NL West, I want it to come against the best version of them possible. We're boarding a plane to Pittsburgh next, where we will likely spend the next 4-days getting swept by another so-so ball club.
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Last edited by pauwoo; 09-14-2019 at 12:09 PM.
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