[Westheim]

From Canada I received the news on Monday afternoon that Adam Braun had a torn labrum and was going to be out for the season. The Druid then very quickly hung up the phone before I could ask additional questions, like, why, and how, and is all of this fair? While not a tremendous baseball loss, a tremendous money sink had just become more purposeless. In the end, in 76 games Braun batted .226 with 4 HR and 23 RBI for the Coons at a cost of $3.28M, much of that footed by the Titans. He had also posted a .649 OPS, a mere 164 points down from his 2031 season.

Off to the DL with him! The Coons sent an infielder to Canada, which turned out to be Chris Baldwin, batting .203 in St. Petersburg.

Raccoons (31-51) @ Canadiens (37-46) – July 5-8, 2032

The Elks were bad in their own right, sitting in the bottom four in both runs scored and runs allowed and with a -67 run differential. Their rotation was the second-worst to the Coons’, their defense was turpid, but they did have strong legs and led the league in stolen bases. This was only the second set we’d play with them this year, and it was the first leg of the four-and-four against a division rival around the All Star break. The first series had been split right down the middle, two each, and had ended with me getting smacked with pillows in Cristiano Carmona’s living room.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (3-7, 5.93 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (7-7, 5.28 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-7, 4.98 ERA) vs. Jeremy Truett (1-9, 6.29 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 6.39 ERA) vs. Victor Govea (5-8, 4.80 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (3-5, 4.97 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (10-4, 3.12 ERA)

The only winning pitcher in the series was also the only southpaw the Elks could field.

Not only the Coons had … I hesitate to say “key” personnel on the DL. For the damn Elks, they were probably key: they were missing much of their starting lineup, with Alex Torres, Lazaro Hernandez, Ivan Vega, and Eric Morrow all down, and a few lesser players on top of that.

And me? I was left to my own devices. Alone at home with nothing but the horrors to unfold on TV. And Honeypaws. (clutches toy raccoon against chest)

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C Thompson – P Gurney
VAN: CF LeJeune – 1B L. Gross – SS Bennett – RF Wojnarowski – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – 2B B. Gonzales – LF Massey – P J. Martin

Horrors included, but would not be limited to, Berto opening the game with a single and being caught stealing by Fernando Garcia before Tim Stalker hit a double in the gap. Gurney would load the bases in the bottom 1st before Garcia stranded all runners with a poor poke to Perkins. The Critters’ turn to fill the bags came in the second inning, which Ed Hooge led off with a walk before being forced out by Jarod Howden, the dumb pig. Rodriguez doubled, and Thompson was walked intentionally to get Gurney to pop out. With Ramos a the plate, three on, and two outs, Martin twitched his front leg while the back foot was toeing the rubber, and he was called out for a balk that brought in Howden with the game’s first run. Ramos then flew out to Micah Massey, who hit a soft 1-out single in the bottom of the inning, stole second (much like any sort of bat, Elliott Thompson’s D had yet to arrive…), and came home when Joe Martin cracked a single up the rightfield line against the superfluous Gurney. One inning further, Brian Wojnarowski gave the damn Elks the lead with a homer cracked on an 0-2 pitch.

Then Thompson’s bat arrived. With Howden on first and two outs, Elliott Thompson cracked his maiden dinger in the fourth inning, a decently sized shot over the rightfield fence, and also a score-flipper, 3-2. I was perhaps too giddy when Gurney and Ramos followed that up with singles because next thing we saw was Stalker getting *robbed* by Massey in deep left, and then the annoying leftfielder opened the bottom 4th with a walk. Jesse LeJeune dropped in a single, but the damn Elks would strand the runners on the corners, courtesy to Perkins shagging a liner by Luke Gross and Rodriguez catching up with T.J. Bennett’s fly. Gurney ended up lasting six innings plus one batter, entering the bottom 7th up 4-2 (a Thompson sac fly having tacked on an unearned run in form of Rodriguez – single, stolen base, throwing error – in the sixth). Luke Gross’ single knocked him out. The Critters went to Jared Stone, who got a double play from Bennett, then to Garavito with Wojnarowski up. Garavito nailed him and walked Matt Anton, prompting a move to the fourth pitcher of the inning, Victor Anaya, who handled a comebacker from Garcia for the third out. Bobby Gonzales’ single off Anaya and the walk Donovan May drew off Fernandez in the bottom 8th put another two on, but LeJeune hit into a double play while I was in fetal position and screaming on my couch at home. Compared to that, the ninth was almost dull. Donny van der Hout flew out easily to right. Bennett rolled over to short. And Wise dropped a curve on Wojnarowski for strike three. 4-2 Coons. Ramos 2-4; Rodriguez 2-4, 2B; Thompson 1-2, BB, HR, 3 RBI;

Is it over, Honeypaws? Can I… Can I look again? – Oh. Good.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 3B Perkins – CF Hooge – 1B Howden – RF Rodriguez – C James – P del Rio
VAN: LF Tessmann – 1B Massey – CF Wojnarowski – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – 2B McWhirter – RF Pohl – P Truett

Ramos led off with a single, but got almost immediately forced out by Stalker’s grounder to short. Wallace’s grounder moved Stalker to second, and a single into no man’s land by Perkins cashed him in for the first run of the game. Hooge also singled, but Howden rolled out poorly, which was nothing to really make a fuss about anymore. As were first-inning meltdowns by Raccoons starters. Del Rio began with back-to-back walks on nine pitches to Danny Tessmann and Massey, allowed a single to Wojnarowski, and tied the game on Bennett’s sac fly. Matt Anton drummed a homer to left-center, and then it was 4-1 damn Elks. Well, now it was about clawing back. I made the start, clawing into the pillows available, and Giovanni James hit a homer in the second to make it 4-2. Del Rio put off further implosions for the time being and held the damn Elks scoreless for the next few innings. Come the fifth, the Coons had Stalker and Wallace on base with two outs and Ed Hooge at the plate. The rookie had no RBI in 21 at-bats, but now would be a spiffy time to get somebody across. He clubbed the first pitch he got from Truett, sending Pat Pohl back to the track. Pohl reached, couldn’t get there, and the ball hit the track and off the fence, and bounced away from Pohl for a 2-out, 2-run, game-tying double! For whatever reason, Howden was walked intentionally, and Rodriguez flew out to center, and the score remained tied through five.

Bottom 6th, still 4-4, del Rio drilled Garcia leading off with a 2-2 pitch. Bill McWhirter grounded out, and then Pat Pohl got drilled at 1-2. Here was the fetal position again, and also the screaming. Truett bunted the runners into scoring position, bringing up Tessmann with two outs. He was a left-hander, but also not much of a batter, and the Coons wondered whether sending a southpaw would trigger a right-handed pinch-hitter. Del Rio stayed in there, Tessmann slapped a grounder up the middle, Stalker couldn’t reach it, and both runs scored. That was the sixth, and the seventh got worse. Jonathan Fleischer walked two, allowed an RBI single to McWhirter, then a 2-run double to Pohl. Truett remained in to bat against Fleischer with two outs, and slapped an RBI single in a full count. Fleischer was yanked, and sent straight to the airport. The game was out of reach at this point, down six, and although Jimmy Wallace hit an RBI single after that, that wasn’t to cover six runs. 10-5 Canadiens. Ramos 2-4, BB; Wallace 2-5, RBI; Perkins 2-5, RBI; Hooge 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI;

What had become of Jonathan Fleischer (0-2, 5.47 ERA, 25 BB in 24.2 IP) was a mystery, but maybe the staff in AAA could try and figure out. Nick Bates was recalled, reluctantly.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Rodriguez – RF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Hooge – LF Hall – C Thompson – 2B Baldwin – P Chavez
VAN: LF Tessmann – 1B Massey – 2B LeJeune – CF Wojnarowski – 3B Anton – SS B. Gonzales – C van der Hout – RF L. Gross – P Govea

Eight Coons came to the plate to score but two runs in the opening frame. Ramos walked, stole second (#30), moved up on Rodriguez’ single, and scored on Wallace’s sac fly. Zitzner reached on a Massey error, Hall hit an RBI single, and Thompson walked to fill them up, but then Baldwin hit a pathetic roller to end the inning. Chavez gave it straight back, putting all the left-handed batters on board, Tessmann with a single, and LeJeune and Wojnarowski with walks, before giving up a 2-run single to the right-handed Anton. Two pops ended that inning, and misery was oozing out of every pair of pants on that field. The Critters accordingly went on to strand pairs of runners in the second, fourth, and fifth innings without ever plating a run. The damn Elks also left the go-ahead run in scoring position twice between the second and fifth innings, including Donny van der Hout at third base in the bottom 5th when Nate Hall contained Govea’s scorched liner…

Top 6th, Bernie Chavez led off with a soft single to center. The 2-2 pitch by Matt Tillman to Ramos was wild, and the runner advanced, and with first base open, the Elks now walked Ramos intentionally to my great dismay. Rodriguez flew to left, Tessmann moved over and caught the ball, then dropped the ball, then kicked it against the sidewall, with the runners now off to the races. Chavez scored, and the other two reached scoring position in what had become a 3-2 game on the error. Wallace was walked intentionally, presenting Zitzner with three on, no outs, and plenty of double play opportunities. His grounder to the left side was out of Bobby Gonzales’ reach for an RBI single, 4-2, but Hooge struck out. Nate Hall hit a blooper for an RBI single, and Thompson zinged one to center for another one, 6-2. The damn Elks brought a new pitcher, Geoff Swayze, to face Baldwin. He threw a fat strike for his first pitch, and Baldwin drilled it to left, high, deep – GRAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

That should put the game in order I thought, and for the first time in the series resorted to light petting of Honeypaws and releasing my clenched jaws. Chavez lasted six and two thirds, whiffing seven, but also gave up a solo homer to Luke Gross in the bottom 7th, which was at least a fitting name for damn, dumb Elk. It was also the last marker in the game. The Coons took it easy in the final innings, and the Elks couldn’t get through Hennessy and Bates. 10-3 Coons. Rodriguez 3-6; Wallace 3-4, BB, RBI; Hall 3-5, 2 RBI; Thompson 3-4, BB, RBI; Baldwin 1-5, HR, 4 RBI; Pinkerton 1-1;

Game 4
POR: 1B Zitzner – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – RF Rodriguez – LF Hall – C James – CF Pinkerton – 2B Baldwin – P Sabre
VAN: 2B LeJeune – LF A. Torres – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – CF Pohl – RF L. Gross – C F. Garcia – P Corcoran

Nate Hall hit a double into the corner with two outs in the opening frame. Zitzner came around to score from second, and Perkins was sent from first, but thrown out, but the myriad replays seemed to show daylight between the glove of Garcia and Perkins’ face – the light brown glove was contrasting well with the black face markings. Then came Sabre and struck out the side in the bottom 1st; he remained perfect the first time through, whiffing five, but needed over 40 pitches to get that far. LeJeune grounded out in a 3-0 count to begin the fourth inning, and Sabre wound up retiring the first dozen until he lost Bennett in a full count in the bottom 5th. The walk put the tying run on base, but the damn Elks didn’t get him further than second base in the inning. LeJeune then got nailed with two outs in the sixth, but was caught stealing, much like Perkins had been in the top of the inning in a rare event of a Critter being sighted on base.

Giovanni James hit a leadoff jack in the seventh to double the Critters’ lead to 2-0, and Sabre got three groundouts in the bottom of the inning to continue his bid, but also reached 92 pitches. Top 8th, Nate Hall singled home another run before Sabre went back to work in the bottom 8th. Anton popped out on the infield, but then Pat Pohl singled up the middle to end the no-hitter. Tim Stalker got the very tip of his claw on the ball, but had to chase it onto the green and had no play. Luke Gross was then doubled up, but that would not revive the no-hitter. Now well over 100 pitches, Sabre was hit for in a scoreless top of the ninth inning, which handed off the 3-0 lead to Chris Wise, who immediately created drama. I rocked back and forth with Honeypaws having his eyes squeezed out of his fluffy head between by wrenched arms as Wise put Tessmann on with a single, and LeJeune with a full-count walk. Alex Torres flew out to Rodriguez. David Fisher grounded out to Stalker. 3-0 Coons. Perkins 3-4, BB, 2B; Hall 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Sabre 8.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 6 K, W (4-5);

Raccoons (34-52) vs. Titans (55-31) – July 9-11, 2032

The Titans were just looking for an easy romp on the way into the All Star break. Nothing personal, just hand those wins over, puny Coons. They were first in runs scored, second in runs allowed, with a +111 run differential, and led the season series, 6-3, which included wining six of the last seven from the Coons, after that (in)famous 2-0 start we had against them in early April, when the world was still a bit less crap.

Projected matchup:
Travis Coffee (0-3, 7.64 ERA) vs. Dustin Wingo (7-5, 4.09 ERA)
Jason Gurney (4-7, 5.75 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (10-5, 3.52 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (5-8, 5.24 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (8-4, 3.25 ERA)

Left, right, left, and probably three winners.

Game 1
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – C Lessman – SS Spataro – RF M. Walker – 2B R. West – 3B E. Gonzalez – P Wingo
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – CF Hooge – LF Hall – C Thompson – P Coffee

While Ramos hit a leadoff double in the bottom 1st and was then left on base, to our great surprise at least Travis Coffee didn’t have his tail lit on fire right from the start. The Titans had only one base knock the first time through, and didn’t become really threatening until the fourth when they put David Lessman and Keith Spataro on the corners, Mark Walker popped out, and Rhett West flew out to right to end the inning. With Edgar Gonzalez on second and two outs in the fifth, Zitzner made a lightning swipe at first base to contain a Willie Vega spike before it could get up the line, ending that inning, too. If only the Coons could find some sort of offense; their H column still showed nothing but the initial futile Ramos double. Then Thompson legged out an infield single in the bottom 5th, only for Coffee to bunt into a double play… and then came the part everybody had waited for, of Coffee getting spilled and wiped up with a dirty sponge. Leadoff walk to Justin Uliasz in the sixth, and from there things escalated rather fast. Lessman and Walker hit singles, Rhett West was walked with the bases loaded for the game’s first run, and when Gonzalez grounded to short for a sure 6-4-3, Ramos ****ed up the play, and the Coons got nobody on the error, but the Titans got another run. Coffee also got the hook. Anaya rung up Wingo and got a grounder from Moises Avila to end the inning. And while it looked like the game might be over, the bottom 7th brought a leadoff single for Zitzner, and then a Rodriguez fly over the head – narrowly – of Avila, which put the tying runs in scoring position with no outs. And those runners came in on a Hooge sac fly and a passed ball – whatever the **** works – but then it was no further from there for the Raccoons.

Too bad that Jared Stone couldn’t stay in the tie in the eighth. Mark Walker singled, stole his 16th base, then was singled in by West in a full count, giving them a new 3-2 lead. Bottom 8th, Wingo walked Ramos to start the inning, which had potential now. Stalker ran a full count before grounding to third base. Dan Knudson threw a terrible bouncer to first base that Uliasz couldn’t come up with, and the 2-base error put the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position with no outs! And what did the ****ing Critters do? They grounded out to Knudson… THREE TIMES. I … I couldn’t even …! (clutches chest and neck at the same time) MAAAAAUD …!! I need … - … I need the blunderbuss!! Willie Vega’s 2-run homer off Fernandez in the ninth put the game to bed. 5-2 Titans. Hall 2-4;

Maud, what do you want to say, you hid the blunderbuss?? – But I need it to shoot the stupid players in the bum!!

I can’t have anything around here, it seems …!

Game 2
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – SS Spataro – 2B R. West – 3B E. Gonzalez – C Pizzo – RF M. Walker – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – 3B Rodriguez – C Thompson – LF Hall – P Gurney

Gurney threw 40 pitches in a horrendous first inning that saw the bases loaded with no outs on a sequence of single, walk, walk, then Spataro pop out in a full count. Rhett West hit a sac fly, which was progress at least, but then Edgar Gonzalez took an 0-2 pitch over the fence to make it 4-0. Gurney walked Pizzo on straight balls, the got Hall to throw his body into a Walker liner to finally end the inning. After a scoreless second, Gurney nailed Uliasz to begin the third, and another cavalcade of base runners was set off. Spataro walked, Gonzalez hit an RBI double, and Pizzo knocked out Gurney with a 2-run single, making this a 7-0 game, and plunging the Critters into a bullpen game. We ended up squeezing Garavito for 11 outs and no runs on over 50 pitches, which was a bit of a surprise, while the Raccoons made up precisely one run on a Tim Stalker triple, plating Hall in the fifth. When Howden hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, that was only the Coons’ fourth hit off Potter. Hooge immediately hit into a fielder’s choice, moved up on a grounder, but then was stranded when West reached Thompson’s grounder, too.

When Preston Pinkerton pinch-hit for Nick Bates in the #9 hole in the bottom 7th the thought was to have him pitch the eighth inning and maybe the ninth. He singled, Ramos tripled, Stalker singled, and Howden hit a 2-out RBI double on top of all that to get the Critters back into the game at 7-4 before Hooge grounded out. That changed the plan; Pinkerton stayed in center at Ed Hooge’s expense, and Hennessy pitched the eighth instead. Him and Anaya kept the Titans in check in the eighth and ninth, but the offense still had to make up three and made up zero in the eighth. Pinkerton was up to begin the ninth against Jermaine Campbell, who nailed him, then walked Ramos. And here came the tying run! That would be Stalker, who ran a full count, laid off ball four, and the bases were loaded…! Campbell kept struggling and fell 2-1 behind Wallace before having finally a ball put in play, a fly to right that sent Mark Walker back, and he kept going back and back to the wall, jumped – he didn’t get it, it was just fair, and over the fence!! WAAAAALKOOOOOFF GRAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!! 8-7 Furballs!! Stalker 2-3, 2 BB, 3B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5, HR, 4 RBI; Howden 2-4, 2B, RBI; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Garavito 3.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

ECSTASY!! YEEEESS!!! YEEEEESSS!!! (runs in and out of Maud’s office, screaming)

(Slappy approvingly raises his bottle on the brown couch)

Game 3
BOS: CF M. Avila – LF W. Vega – 1B Uliasz – C Lessman – SS Spataro – RF M. Walker – 2B R. West – 3B E. Gonzalez – P M. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – CF Pinkerton – C Thompson – P del Rio

Another day, another endless opening inning. The Coons’ hero from Saturday, Jimmy Wallace, made a critical error on a Lessman fly that incinerated what was already a 1-0 game after a walk to Avila and a Vega RBI knock. Avila scored on Spataro’s single, Walker walked (duh!), and with the bases loaded Rhett West struck out and Edgar Gonzalez flew out to left, somehow keeping the damage to two runs, but again on 39 pitches, and in the second inning a walk to Vega and an Uliasz homer made it 4-0 anyway. The Titans let it be for a while at that point, with the Coons non-existent in the first few innings. The bottom 4th saw Rodriguez reach base, steal second, and be singled home by Pinkerton. Jimmy Wallace hit a solo jack in the sixth. Del Rio had held up in the middle innings despite some loud contact, so the score was now 4-2 Boston. He came back out for the seventh, facing the opposing pitcher, and Gonzalez smashed a single to center. That got del Rio yanked, the ****ing sucker, and Stone took over against the top of the order. He drilled Vega after K’ing Avila, but Uliasz spanked to Perkins with all the time in the world for a 5-4-3 double play, ending the seventh.

The Titans crowded David Fernandez in the eighth, getting a leadoff single out of Lessman as well as two walks, but ultimately couldn’t push a run across. Tim Zimmerman retired the Critters in order in the bottom 8th, and Chris Wise staved off two walks to bail out of the ninth when Lessman hit into a double play. The bottom 9th was left-hander Tony Chavez against the 5-6-7 batters. On the first pitch, Wallace popped out foul. On the second pitch, Rodriguez grounded out to Spataro. Pinkerton ran a 2-2 count… then was rung up. 4-2 Titans. Ramos 2-4;

In other news

July 5 – The Titans acquire SP Jordan Caldwell (6-9, 3.63 ERA) from the Gold Sox, parting with two prospects.
July 5 – Another Gold Sox pitcher, SP Jeff Dykstra (6-5, 4.38 ERA) fires a 3-hit shutout against the Scorpions in a 9-0 rout.
July 5 – CHA INF/LF/RF Danny Ruiz (.248, 4 HR, 26 RBI) smokes five hits and drives in three runs in a 10-1 smoking of the Thunder.
July 6 – Washington’s INF Enrique Trevino (.294, 0 HR, 21 RBI) could miss the rest of the season with ruptured finger tendons.
July 6 – The Loggers acquire LF John Richardson (.333, 0 HR, 9 RBI in 60 AB) from the Rebels in exchange for two rather meager prospects.
July 9 – A bases-loaded walk offered by DEN MR Dan Jerge (2-3, 3.69 ERA) to L.A.’s 3B Andy Schmit (.281, 3 HR, 27 RBI) decides their contest in the 16th inning, 4-3 in favor of the Pacifics.
July 11 – The Crusaders add SP Joaquin Serrano (5-6, 4.24 ERA) from the Rebels for two prospects.
July 11 – IND SP Andy Bressner (10-4, 2.34 ERA) is expected to miss two months with a strained elbow.
July 11 – A leadoff single by TOP OF Miguel Reyna (.318, 4 HR, 28 RBI) in the eighth inning is the only base hit the Buffaloes notch in a combined 1-hitter by CIN SP Emilio DeClerk (5-6, 4.14 ERA) and two Cincy relievers. The Cyclones win 3-0.

Complaints and stuff

Lo and behold – the Raccoons have an All Star, and you will never guess who it is! It is a *pitcher*. A PITCHER.

It is John Hennessy! A rule 5 pick that missed most of the 2031 season due to injury, Hennessy was nominated with a 5-1 record, 2.43 ERA, one save, and 9.1 K/9 in 40.2 innings. It is of course his first All Star gig.

We also consecutive winning weeks, a pair of 4-3s, for what it’s worth. Probably isn’t going to make my preseason prediction look any smarter in the short-, medium-, or long term. In case you weren’t sure, this is the first time the Coons put up back-to-back winning weeks this season.

Winning three of four from Vancouver this week evened the all-time head-to-head competition against them. It now stands at 499-499.

We have played those disgusting skunks almost a thousand times?? This is why the entire ballpark smells and has ugly spots in weird places!

Prospect watch: this year’s top draft pick, Brandon Williams, has now made five starts for Aumsville. He is 4-1 with a 1.31 ERA, 15 walks, 40 strikeouts, in 41.1 innings.

The Raccoons signed Jesus Maldonado for $466k, meaning we are already well over the soft cap. The bidding war for Ernie Quintero keeps raging though. There is a possibility that we run out of money without actually getting him… now THAT would suck.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have not won a Sunday game since Ignacio del Rio’s 6-hit shutout over the Buffaloes in May.

That is nine attempts, and nine losses on Sundays since.

(looks skyward) What do you want up there?? – I *did* sacrifice that lamb….! – Okay, I sacrificed a few steaks. – I can’t see blood, what do you want from me??