[Westheim]

Raccoons (55-63) vs. Buffaloes (70-48) – August 13-15, 2030

The Buffaloes had won eight in a row and held the lead in the FL East as the Coons prepared for this final interleague series of the season. The opposition ranked second in runs allowed and third in runs allowed; they were going to be a serious title contender again this year. They had not won a series against the Raccoons since 2023, a sweep, however, with us taking two out of three and four out of four in the World Series in 2028.

Projected matchups:
Mark Roberts (11-6, 3.81 ERA) vs. Dave Elliott (10-6, 2.90 ERA)
Dave Martinez (11-8, 4.07 ERA) vs. John Waker (1-0, 3.86 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (5-9, 5.17 ERA) vs. Joe Jones (8-10, 3.96 ERA)

Something new this season – we might actually get to face three southpaws if the Buffaloes would not utilize the common off day on Monday to skip John Waker, who the older fans around here might remember as a Raccoons first-rounder that had been traded soon enough to the Stars in the Hugo Mendoza deal in June of 2017. He had a 4.21 career record as a swingman that had somehow also picked up 85 saves, most of them for some sad Stars and Condors teams in the early 2020s. If the Buffos would go for the skip, we would get righty Nick Danieley (11-4, 3.56 ERA) on Thursday.

Game 1
TOP: RF P. Sanchez – CF Coleman – SS Majano – 1B Elder – LF K. Hess – 3B Corder – C Gio. James – 2B Herman – P D. Elliott
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – RF Gomez – 3B Hereford – C Tovias – CF Magallanes – P Roberts

“Launchpad” Roberts put Alex Majano on with a single, then got bombed by former Titan Jay Elder right away in the first inning, putting the dismal Critters – 3-10 in the last two weeks – in a 2-0 hole right away. A Majano error also put Ramos on board in the bottom of the same inning, Ramos swiped his 50th base of the year – only four away from his jointly-held franchise record now – and came around to score to make up half the difference on a Harenberg grounder to Nick Herman. Portland would get a 1-out triple from Elias Tovias in the bottom 2nd, but he was also thrown out at home plate on Magallanes’ fly to left. Mark Roberts, who ironically singled to begin the bottom 3rd before that inning quickly fizzled out, then got taken apart like any other rancid tosser the Raccoons bothered to throw on the mound in the fourth inning. Elder led off with a single up the middle, Ken Hess doubled to left, and while another former Titan, Adam Corder, struck out, it was all downhill with one out. Giovanni James singled to right, Elder scored, and so did Hess once Rafael Gomez overran the ball for a grievous error. Nick Herman singled, and even the pitcher singled up the middle, David Elliott driving in James to run the tally to 5-1. Pablo Sanchez poked a 1-2 pitch up the middle, the fourth single of the inning escaping between Ramos and Stalker, but Herman was thrown out at home plate by Magallanes. Ian Coleman flew out to Magallanes to end the inning – another clobbering complete. Roberts lasted three more batters, allowing two more hits for a total of 11 in 4.1 innings before getting yanked. Bryan Rabbitt got out of the fifth on two grounders to Harenberg.

While the meat of the Coons’ rally was Rich Hereford reaching on catcher’s interference in the fourth inning, the miserable pitching continued to reign. Steve Costilow got tossed from the pen next, retired three batters on three pitches in the sixth and sure fooled nobody in the seventh either, yielded singles to Coleman and Majano and walking Elder. With nobody out, Mauricio Garavito replaced him, allowed two runs on grounders, a singled to James, a walk to Herman, and just before the hammer could come down for good, PH Pat Green struck out in a full count to keep it civil, and at 7-1. Rallying out of a 6-run hole was not necessarily the Coons’ thing this year, and thus the game was about over. Tovias would hit a sac fly in the ninth inning, ending an attempt by ex-Critter Cory Dew for a 3-inning save, but that was absolutely it. 7-2 Buffaloes. Stalker 2-4; Allan (PH) 1-1; Tovias 2-3, 3B, RBI; Wise 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Game 2
TOP: 3B Corder – 1B Elder – RF P. Sanchez – SS Majano – LF K. Hess – C Gio. James – 2B Herman – CF Coleman – P Waker
POR: 3B Nunley – SS Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Gomez – RF Allan – C Tovias – 2B Baldwin – CF Catella – P Martinez

Dave Martinez got through the Buffos’ order alright the first time through, which was worth mentioning when you were dealing with the CL’s worst rotation by ERA. The Coons got Baldwin on base with a walk to begin the bottom 3rd. The super utility stole second, scored on a Sean Catella single, and the bags filled up with a Nunley single and a walk drawn by Tim Stalker, pulling up Jamieson with three aboard and one down. At 2-0, Jamieson grounded sharply to Majano, no error was to be had from the shortstop this time, and the inning ended the 6-4-3 way. The lead lasted not even a single inning; Martinez began the fourth by nailing Elder with an 0-2 pitch, walked Pablo Sanchez, and allowed a single to Hess with one down, and on a 1-2 pitch. A Nick Herman single and a walk drawn by Ian Coleman, both following a James strikeout, each plated a run and turned the score around in Topeka’s favor, 2-1. Oh well – at least when Martinez surrendered a 1-2 drive to the opposing pitcher, Ryan Allan somehow managed to throw his body in between the ball and the grass to end the inning…

Martinez lasted only five innings, throwing over 100 pitches with four walks and all the other crap he surrendered, but still only trailed 2-1 at the time of his dismissal. That became 4-1 by the seventh inning on account of Jonathan Fleischer being skinned top to bottom for three hits, two walks, including one to Giovanni James with the bases already loaded, and then Garavito getting a double play grounder from PH Travis Benson to escape with theoretical chances still entertainable. Catella doubled in Ryan Allan with two outs in the bottom of the inning, but Harenberg flew out to center when he pinch-hit in the pitcher’s spot. The next Coons hurler run through the meat mincer turned out to be Kevin Surginer, who got the eighth, allowed a homer to John Waker (… deadly silence …) and then shoveled the bags full with a 2-out walk to Elder, infield singles hit by Sanchez and Majano, and finally a booming 440-foot slam by Ken Hess that completely exploded the score to 9-2. Steve Costilow replaced him, allowed a homer to Giovanni James, singles to Pat Green and Ian Coleman, a walk to Jamie Wilson, and by the way, it was still two outs in the eighth inning. Ricky Ohl took over care of the vividly burning orphanage, getting Corder to politely fly out to Allan to FINALLY end the most recent anal probe inning. The Raccoons totally rallied in the bottom 8th, scoring one run driven in by Jamieson against righty Adam Rosenwald. Magallanes scored the run, having come on as pinch-runner for Alberto Ramos, who had pinch-hit for Stalker, tripled, then had limped off to seek advice from the Druid. That was all to this game. 10-3 Buffaloes. Stalker 1-2, BB; Ramos (PH) 1-1, 3B; Catella 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI;

Turns out, with the leg cast I’m unable to throw myself out of the small window in Maud’s office. It also didn’t help that she held on to the other leg, screaming for help until Steve from Accounting wrestled my paws off the window sill.

Steve Costilow (11.25 ERA) was waived and DFA’ed because a) he sucked the cover off the baseballs, and b) we needed the roster spot for a starter by Saturday. Sean Rigg was promoted from AAA, because we could not hatch a new star pitcher in the last ten days, either…

By Wednesday morning, the Druid reported that Ramos had a mild abdominal strain. He was ruled out for the series finale, but might even be back in the lineup on Friday against the damn Elks.

Game 3
TOP: RF P. Sanchez – CF Coleman – SS Majano – 1B Elder – 3B Corder – LF Benson – C Drews – 2B Herman – P J. Jones
POR: 2B Baldwin – SS Stalker – 3B Nunley – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – RF Allan – CF Catella – C Pizzo – P Gutierrez

The routinely shattered Critters scored first, which was a neat running gag the baseball gods would occasionally weave into the narrative to make their inevitable collapse – Rico came in with a 5+ ERA after all… - all the more dismembering. A leadoff walk to Harenberg and a single by Allan right after that in the bottom 2nd set up a chance, Catella didn’t take it, but Mike Pizzo doubled over Pablo Sanchez in deep right, and Harenberg came around to make it 1-0 Coons. Gutierrez, one of the worst-hitting pitchers we could remember, struck out, and Baldwin flew out to Coleman to strand a pair in scoring position. Gutierrez stranded Joe Jones (double!) on third base in the third inning, and the Buffaloes had the tying run on third again in the fourth, when Majano after a leadoff walk was the survivor of Corder’s double-play comebacker that erased Elder and his single in between. Rico rung up Travis Benson, the old Falcons foe, to get his ERA under five for the time being.

The Coons couldn’t touch Jones, but at least Rico maneuvered through the middle innings without any major complications, even when he walked Pablo Sanchez to begin the sixth inning. Sanchez, while already 36 years old, had 20 steals on the season, but was forced out on a grounder, and the Buffos didn’t get past first base in the inning. All was well! … until it wasn’t. Corder began the seventh with a single to center, and then PH Pat Green hit a gapper to right-center for a double. Gutierrez got David Drews to pop out, but Herman and Jones (…) hit singles to turn the score around, 2-1. Herman scored from third base on a Sanchez bunt, with the Coons falling asleep on a squeeze play, and it was 3-1. Coleman grounded out to second, but once again, everything had fallen into lots of irregularly jagged pieces.

Rich Hereford hit for Gutierrez in the bottom 7th and brought in a run with a grounder; Catella had doubled to lead off the inning and had advanced on Pizzo’s groundout. This brought the score to 3-2, and then – to anybody’s surprise – Joe Jones fell apart to surrender a game-tying homer to Matt Jamieson in the bottom 8th, and then also shuffled Harenberg and Catella on base. Pizzo with two outs was probably his last batter, the count ran full, Pizzo fell half over home plate fishing for a ball outside, but hit it and looped a ****ty drop into shallow right-center. Harenberg had gone on contact and scored the go-ahead run, and then it was Adam Rosenwald to get out Tovias, hitting for Chris Wise in the #9 hole. Ohl was back out for the ninth inning with a 4-3 lead. He retired Hess, James, and Herman in order, the last two on strikeouts. 4-3 Critters. Baldwin 2-4; Allan 2-4; Catella 2-4, 2B; Pizzo 2-3, BB, 2B, 2 RBI;

Our weekly win! Whee.

Raccoons (56-65) vs. Canadiens (62-58) – August 16-18, 2030

How could this series not end up some ugly mess? I mean, the last five series had been ugly messes, and now THOSE guys came in. The damn Elks already held a 6-5 edge in the season series, and they also led the North, which was vexing me to no end. They only ranked fourth in runs scored and fifth in runs allowed, but then again the entire Continental League was a messy pile – with the notable exception of those Condors. Their rotation was weaker than their bullpen, so maybe we could score a run inside the first five innings in one or two games?

Projected matchups:
Tom Shumway (6-13, 4.31 ERA) vs. Logan Bessey (5-11, 3.96 ERA)
Sean Rigg (2-2, 4.89 ERA) vs. Jeremy Truett (7-9, 4.67 ERA)
Mark Roberts (11-7, 3.99 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (13-6, 3.16 ERA)

Bessey would be a fourth straight left-handed starting pitcher to oppose the Critters, but also the only one the Elks had readily available. The others were righties. Missing on the DL for them was the player I despised most – Ted Gura.

Game 1
VAN: C F. Garcia – LF A. Torres – RF Wojnarowski – 1B D. Fisher – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – CF N. Day – 2B L. Hernandez – P Bessey
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – 3B Hereford – RF Gomez – CF Baldwin – C Tovias – P Shumway

While the Coons got Jamieson and Harenberg to the corners in the bottom of the first inning, Hereford wouldn’t get them across. However, Tom Shumway not only lined up three scoreless to begin his day, he also ended his futility at the plate; having gone 0-for-43 since the beginning of the season, Shumway singled to right to begin the bottom 3rd, and the Raccoons appeared in business when Ramos singled over T.J. Bennett to put two on with nobody out. Bessey got one strike past Stalker, but not a second one; his 90mph offering was hit 400 feet to right-center, and Portland took a 3-0 lead on Stalker’s fifth jack of the season. Of course, nothing good could ever happen to the Coons; top 4th, David Fisher hit a 1-out double, but also hurt himself and was replaced by Dave Pimentel. Shumway allowed straight singles to Bennett and Matt Anton, making it a 3-1 game with the tying runs aboard. Norman Day flew out to Jamieson on the first pitch, but Lazaro Hernandez knocked a sharp RBI single to center before Shumway graciously decided to strikeout Bessey…

Shumway recovered to face the minimum through the following three innings. Only Matt Anton reached base with a 2-out single in the sixth, but was caught stealing. In a perfect world, the Raccoons would have, I don’t know, maybe tacked on a run? They didn’t, amounting to nearly nothing against Bessey, although they did get Jamieson and Harenberg on with two outs in the seventh again. And once again, Hereford stranded them with a poor grounder to Bennett. Shumway was sent into the eighth, rung up Fernando Garcia, but then nailed Alex Torres and conceded a single to switch-hitting pinch-hitter Ricky Ortiz on a 3-1 pitch. Although Matt Good was a left-handed batter and appeared in Pimentel’s spot, the Coons changed lefty for lefty now and brought a new arm in Billy Brotman, who got the K. The next move brought on Chris Wise to face Bennett (no trust in Surginer right now…), and thanks to the earlier injury the Elks were out of counterstrike weapons. Bennett hit a fly to left on 1-2, but Jamieson was master of that ball and the inning ended. Now, the Coons didn’t tack on, considering the Stalker homer ENOUGH for the day. We would try to piece it together against the bottom of the order without Ricky Ohl, who had gotten seven outs in the last two games, some of them pointless. Wise remained in to face Anton, and then the plan was to go to Garavito with the left-handed batters that followed Anton, who by the way singled up the middle. Day bunted over the tying run, Garavito went on to leak a single to PH Jose Navarro, and the whole thing fell apart (as per usual…), with the damn Elks tying the score at three.

Top 10th, Jonathan Fleischer in the game. He walked Torres to get going, Torres stole second, and Fleischer walked Danny Tessmann anyway. Matt Good singled, Torres was sent for home plate, but thrown out by Jamieson. Nevertheless, that was enough from Fleischer, who got yanked to make room for… well, Surginer. It’s not like we can grow reliable pitchers that fast. Surginer got Bennett to fly out to Baldwin, but then lost Anton in a full count. The third baseman singled up the middle, Tessmann scored easily, and the Coons had ruined EVERYTHING … AGAIN. Day grounded out, but the damn Elks unveiled Raul de la Rosa and his 2.17 ERA against the 3-4-5 batters, which did include the pitcher’s spot where Hereford had once stranded four guys in the game. Jamieson struck out. Harenberg walked. Ryan Allan batted for Surginer and walked – tying and winning run both aboard with one down. Pizzo batted for Gomez, struck out, and that brought up Baldwin, and now we were also slowly but surely running out of free sticks… Baldwin ran a full count… and struck out. 4-3 Canadiens. Jamieson 2-5, 2B; Harenberg 2-4, BB; Shumway 7.1 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K and 1-2;

Matt Anton had five hits in this game. The Coons hardly had five hits combined… Okay, they had ten. They still lost like wimps.

Game 2
VAN: CF Tessmann – LF A. Torres – RF Wojnarowski – 1B N. Day – SS Bennett – 3B Anton – C R. Ortiz – 2B N. Millan – P Truett
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – 1B Harenberg – LF Allan – RF Hereford – CF Catella – C Pizzo – P Rigg

Tessmann legged out an infield single, Torres homered, and before one out was on the board I looked over to Cristiano Carmona for a long moment and then finally asked him how dangerous *exactly* it was to roll down a long flight of stairs, backwards, and with eyes closed in one of these wheelchairs. Not a lot more happened until the fourth, which Sean Rigg began by nailing Ortiz, before leaking another single to Nelson Millan, and finally he optimistically fired Jeremy Truett’s bunt to third base, but got nobody with that play that even surprised Nunley, and Nunley had been around long enough to see all sorts of ****, you’d think. That was three on, no outs, and the top of the order approaching, in other words, ballgame. Tessmann hit a floater to shallow right, Hereford had the ball on the run, and the slow catcher at third base had to hold. He finally came home on Alex Torres’ sac fly to center, but Wojnarowski grounded out to Harenberg, and the Elks didn’t get past 3-0, and the Coons had the tying run at the plate with nobody down in the bottom of the inning after Truett leaked walks to both Nunley and Harenberg. A wild pitch advanced the runners, but Allan grounded out to first, forcing them to hold, and when Hereford flew out to right, the sac fly still kept Harenberg at second. He only reached third base on a Norman Day error, dropping Millan’s feed of Catella’s pathetic 2-out grounder. Pizzo popped out to strand the tying runs on the corners.

Instead, Ricky Ortiz turned Sean Rigg inside-out with a 3-run homer in the top of the fifth, and the Coons found themselves in familiar territory, down by a ****ing bunch by the middle innings. Ramos and Nunley made it to the corners in the bottom 5th, were left there when Harenberg rolled over to Matt Anton, while the damn Elks kept stomping, putting three runs on Bryan Rabbitt in the sixth inning – he retired none of the first five batters he faced, and he also faced the 1-2-3 batters in the seventh, and they all hit singles. With the dust settling on Brian Wojnarowski’s RBI single to right, the ****ing Elks had a 10-1 lead on the strength of 15 base hits, and the fans left the game in droves. There would soon be photographic evidence of the Raccoons mascot – occupied by Chad, because who else would do this job – giving leaving fans thumbs up before having cups of beer thrown at him. I would have left, too, if only I could. Surginer inherited runners on the corners and nobody out and made it out of the inning with only a sac fly charged to him, which was such a great success these days. Portland scored a run in the eighth, Allan bringing in Nunley, who had hit a leadoff double off Truett, but that was not quite enough to match the ****ing Elks’ output, which only grew with a moonshot by Wojnarowski off Fleischer in the ninth. That one counted for two. 13-2 Canadiens. Ramos 2-5; Gomez (PH) 1-1; Nunley 2-4, BB, 2B; Hereford 2-3, RBI; Catella 2-4;

Bryan Rabbitt (9.00 ERA) was sent back to St. Pete. We had a hard time picking any replacement by now. Hey, how about another round of Nick Derks!?

Game 3
VAN: 1B Good – 2B N. Millan – SS Bennett – RF Wojnarowski – LF A. Torres – 3B Anton – CF Campbell – C F. Garcia – P J. Martin
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – 1B Harenberg – LF Allan – RF Hereford – CF Catella – C Pizzo – P Roberts

Like in Roberts’ last start on Tuesday, the second batter he faced went yard. Well, at least Nelson Millan only hit a solo shot (shrugs). The ****ing Elks unfurled four 2-out base hits in the same inning, starting with extra bases from Wojnarowski and Torres, then RBI singles by Anton and Tim Campbell, giving the damn Elks another 3-0 lead. They added a run on doubles by Joe Martin (…) and Millan in the second inning, and straight singles with two down by Campbell, Garcia, and Martin (…!) put another run across in the third inning, putting the Coons in a 5-0 hole, and the ****ing *** **** Elks on ten hits off Roberts. GODDAMNIT, ROBERTS – BE A ****ING MAN AND GET THOSE ****S OUT!!!

“Launchpad” Roberts survived a deep fly to left by Millan to begin the fourth inning, but with two outs ran full counts on Wojnarowski, Torres, and Anton lost all of them; one hit, two walks, and there was the hook. Surginer faced Tim Campbell, got a pop to short, and it remained a mere 5-0 through four. Long relief by Surginer and Derks, who each tacked on two scoreless, and then the ninth by Brotman also in scoreless fashion limited the damage at the top end of the scoreboard, but the Raccoons also had nothing at all against Joe Martin, who reached the ninth inning on a 5-hit shutout, having rung up seven. Ramos hit a leadoff single, was caught stealing, and the Coons didn’t bring Harenberg to the plate. Martin finished them off in 90 pitches. 5-0 Canadiens. Ramos 3-4; Magallanes (PH) 1-1; Surginer 2.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K; Derks 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

In other news

August 13 – Aces and Wolves play 17 innings, with Salem taking a 4-3 lead in the top of the 17th inning before falling to a single by Ted Schlegelmilch (.297, 7 HR, 47 RBI) and a walkoff homer by Ruben Orozco (.257, 15 HR, 52 RBI), handing a 5-4 win to the Aces.
August 14 – A 2-out RBI single by Loggers utility Aaron Sessoms (.324, 2 HR, 39 RBI) ends the Loggers’ game with the Cyclones, plating Ricardo Ferrales for the only run in a 12-inning, 1-0 walkoff win over Cincy.
August 16 – LAP SP Luis Flores () throws a 1-hit shutout in a 7-0 win over the Scorpions. The only hit allowed is a third-inning leadoff single by infielder Jake Barlow (.204, 6 HR, 27 RBI).
August 16 – TIJ OF Chris Murphy (.259, 9 HR, 52 RBI) drives in four from the leadoff spot with four base hits in an 16-4 whipping of the Knights.

Complaints and stuff

Collapse. Western Roman Empire, 5th century AD? A cheap joke compared to what is going on ‘round here.

But, I would… I would like to show you a few numbers… if I may. (coughs) For the last three weeks, the Coons are 4-15. In those 19 games, we have scored 58 runs, which is already terrible. But, worse, in those 19 games we have given up a mind-boggling *116* runs. That is more than SIX runs per game. And starters’ ERA in those three weeks? Hold on to something.

*8.21* … we have an *8.21* starters’ ERA in the last three weeks. 94.1 innings. 86 EARNED runs. There have also been a pile of unearned runs… I also feel an urge to beat a few of the suckers to death, but nobody will volunteer to wheel me down to the clubhouse!

Matt Nunley is still crawling towards that 1,000th career RBI. Still two short. But, well, the entire team has been hollowed out by termites, so there isn’t always somebody to drive in for him anyway…

The Raccoons started to get the (dim) future in order this week. We signed Mauricio Garavito – a former waiver claim from the Bayhawks – to a 4-yr, $1.8M contract. That will buy out his remaining years of team control and two years of free agency. I may have another offer or two out there.

Speaking of waiver claims, we have reached the point where we have put the first claim in, but the player in question, Dallas closer Alfredo Morua, was likely to be on *revocable* waivers and would thus not actually become a Raccoon. There was no reason to waive Morua irrevocably, none, not rapes, nor rabies.

Next week: free wins for the Loggers and Condors.

Fun Fact: 53 years ago today, the Miners’ Rich Johnson had six base hits in a 9-8 win over the Loggers, the first occurrence of a 6-hit game in ABL history.

Johnson lasted seven years in the ABL and batted .270 with 26 homers for his career. Most of his time was spent in the Federal League for the Miners and Wolves, but he also played with the damn Elks in 1980 and 1981.

THE DAMN ELKS.